narwa · 10 months ago
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person reading my blog voice: wow that guy has major main character syndrome
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wannabewiedzma · 1 year ago
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yesterday, while i was waiting for my pasta to cook, tumblr recommended me some pro-ana blogs, because they were tagged "education".
so, I spent next hour scrolling polish pro-ana tumblr and reminiscing about my teenage self, my "diets" and self-harm and obsession with body, my "thinspo" desktop background and my "dinner or collarbones" motivation boards, my cycles of fasting and binging and puking and self hate, and finally religiously counting calories for years after I become "normal'.
no one ever thought I might have eating disorder, because I never got really thin, even when I was eating only a yoghurt and a banana daily, for months.
and I don't really have nothing constructive to say, just that it makes me immensely sad to see next generation of teenage (mostly) girls suffering and wasting their beautiful lives on trying to achieve so-called perfection, and making intellectual labirynths to justify not getting help.
if you are pro-ana, i just want you to know, from the perspective of someone who was there and is not anymore: something we call "perfection" does not exist in nature. all beautiful and powerful and impressive things are imperfect. there's nothing noble in pursuing this impossible ideal over your own wellness. so please, please, try to get professional help, listen to your body and eat.
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helloneart-h · 2 years ago
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Szukając Alaski- John Green
Looking for Alaska
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kuro-anko · 3 years ago
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Labyrinth and Season 4
Has anyone mentioned already how the movie Labyrinth (1986) matches and may actually support @kaypeace21's "Will created MF and the Upside Down" theory? Even if it's only a small detail.
Maybe someone did and I couldn't find it, but it's so cool I can't go past it. And I'm bored. I'm just gonna throw some thoughts at the wall and hope it sticks. I looked it up and according to Screenrant, Labyrinth is on the big ''Season 4 movie influences'' list. It doesn't have to mean anything, but honestly I don't know anything about Will's plotline this season and it makes me crazy. New trailer may be close though (you know what I mean), so before it comes out I decided to share this wall of words with you all. I suffer from wishful thinking so don't take it too seriously. I will focus only on possible Will/Labirynth related similarities, though I can't really remember anything that would match other characters anyway; Eleven may be Toby (Sarah's baby brother) if S4/S5 will have Will trying to save her, Jareth is the Mind Flayer, Sarah new friends may be the Party (''I need you (...) every now and again in my life, for no reason at all... I need you. All of you'').
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In short, the film is about Sarah Williams who one evening, annoyed with her brother, tells a fairy tale and wishes for her brother to be taken away by the Goblin King (Jareth). Unexpectedly, her wish and everything she said comes true (becomes reality) and she's taken to the Goblin City too to save him. And save him quick because he gives her 13 hours and the clock is ticking (literally).
Which is like Will's situation, if it was him who created Upside Down.
The movie ends with her defeating Goblin King, when she says "Give me the child. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen, for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great. You have no power over me.''
So maybe that's a clue and Will will be the one who destroys the enemy in the show, if he really he created it. He will face his trauma and everything that is eating him up. Perhaps with Mike's help. (Wouldn't be surprised if Mike is the one who figures out that Will is a key if Will's powers EVER appears.)
Quite interesting is what Jareth says to her during a final confrontation: "Everything that you wanted I have done. You asked that the child be taken. I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you!..."
Which speaks for itself, if we take Jareth as MF/Will's mind.
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Other things, and similarities with ST:
Goblins are real in Labyrinth's universe,  they're waking up when she starts to say a story about that leads to her saying the wish, she's not aware of it though. But then again, they're waiting for her to say the wish BECAUSE she said they waiting for it. It's still HER STORY, so it still match.
Sarah (as before saying the wish) is pretty childish and just want to spend her time reading books, playing with teddy bears and roleplaying (Like Will with D&D).
Sarah has a book "The Labyrinth", she quotes it a lot, actually the whole movie plot exist because she said words from the tale.  ("Mike writing book" theory enthusiasts this one is for you)
After her brother dissapears she immediately regrets the wish, there's a big storm too.
There's a gate to the Labyrinth like there's a gate to the Upside Down. Once inside Sarah calls it the worst place ever.
Quote from the movie: "Things are not always what they seem (in this place, so you can't take anything for granted)". It's said 2 times and it's important for Sarah to remember, because the place really wants her to think outside the box. Duffer Brothers said that Season 4 would ''feel very different'' and Finn said it's ''truly messed up'' which keeps me up at night because what the fuck does that mean.
There's a ball scene, at the end of it Sarah dances with Jareth and then she starts to freak out; everyone is looking at her, laughing at her, they circles her and act like zombies (x) - then she tries to get away. Kinda Carrie moment if you ask me (Either it's El or Will, I would love some Carrie moment XD And a ball!)
But that's may be me reaching.
And there's some Will/others in Upside Down imagery:
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*cough* Anyway, David Bowie is in this movie. And As The World Falls Down would be a great song to dance to at the ball. Or maybe just to stand and stare at each other... as the world falls down.
ALSO Sarah defeats Goblin King with words from the beginning of the movie, the same words she struggled with remembering. So what if Will defeats the Mind Flayer by... casting a protection spell. Whatever it means. Or just throw that fireball, Will, burn some cars!
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It doesn't even have to have anything to do with DID theory, but maybe it will turn out, that in the end, Will will be a hero and not a victim anymore (like Mike insisted on in one of the comics (Stranger Things and Dungeons & Dragons #2), when he wanted to create campaign just for him for that reason).
Thanks for reading! And watch the movie, it's cool.
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werezmastarbucks · 4 years ago
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amalfi again
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honeymoon masterlist
word count: 3500
music: give me novacaine by green day
warnings: kai is being cold-blooded (duh)
“What’s the worst thing that can happen here?” you asked. You were pushing the shopping cart with Kai in it. It was called Grab Racing: you were supposed to push him as fast as you could, and he could only have whatever he managed to grab on the way, and then cook whatever he can out of the food he picked. After several dinners consisting of gummy cakes with mashed gummies and gummy based lemonade you changed the rules slightly, including some necessary healthy ingridients. You picked them yourself. If your prison world diet depended on Kai wholly, you’d soon get ulcer, even though your stomach couldn’t hurt because it reset back to normal every time after midnight.
He tried to reach for the shelf, but you passed it by already. Should’ve been quicker. You heard creaking and shuffling behind your back.
“Hey! No magic!” you stopped the cart.
“Stop wasting it”.
While at the stop, Kai nicked a pack of crisps from a shelf.
“Italian supermarkets are weird as hell”, you complained. “I wanna leave”.
“I thought you liked the sea air”, Kai argued.
“There are many other places with sea. What’s your favorite one?”
Kai paused, thinking. You both had to listen to ‘94 Italian supermarket music for a while. Supermarkets were by far the eeriest places on this abandoned Earth. Perhaps it was about the time you personally grew up with; they have been commercialized; they have been shown as places raided by zombies and aliens in the movies you watched as a child; they were lit in a specific way and had that special kind of symmetria, a calming system to them. Supermarkets, artificial, plastic and glass, were the manmade labirynths created for confusion and gluttony. The amount of twists and turns you had to do to find whatever you needed, the fact that you got lost every time no matter how many times you visited one and the same supermarket, the long aisles with colorful packages distracting a person from the realization the line they walk on represents their life and death... at first, it’s baby stuff: baby food, mashed fruits and stuff, baby clothes... then there’s cereal, milk and candy; then, all kinds of bathroom things, pads, shampoos, tooth brushes... followed by thick bars of chocolate, greying slowly and invisibly underneath the paper packaging... then, vegetables and fresh fruit, and finally, shovels. It’s hard to decipher it. It’s a wonderful experience, to visit a supermarket, even in a normal world. Here, they turned into absolutely magical, meaningful, empty witch spaces. You always expected something to happen at the supermarket.
Kai had no idea about how deep you thought about it.
“I don’t like water”, he said finally.
“How come? Afraid?”
“I’m not afraid of anything”, he said proudly. You gazed down at his stubborn dark hair, his head and shoulders in jean jacket. Kai loved his jean jackets. While all you did was hunted down crop tops and long earrings in here, he started possessing quite an impressive jean jacket collection.
“That’s not true”, you murmured.
“What am I afraid of?” he asked. He sat with his knees close to his chest, the tips of his bacon Converses against the cage of the cart. Together with all the goods he already picked, the whole carriage was quite heavy. Every time you carried something heavy, or pushed him around, or climbed a hill, you thought bitterly that it’s no use. You don’t do anything to your body. Tomorrow, which is going to be today, your muscles will be completely oblivious of all the hard work you did.
The only thing you could train here was your mind.
“You’re scared I’ll leave you“.
“You’re mortified of this place”, he said with certainty. “That one time you thought I left? When I fell into the ditch?”
You recalled it like it was yesterday. This was a big joke now, you laughed at it a lot. Whenever you didn’t feel like doing something you’d say, I’ll do it tomorrow, and laugh like two complete assholes, in the middle of an empty street, which was either spectacurlarly hilarious, or tragic.
That one time you thought Kai left was when he literally fell into a ditch on one of the twisted, narrow Pisa streets. The ditch was more like an underground tunnel open on the top, deep and dark. You were walking down parallel streets, searching for a nice coffee shop. Apparently, he started climbing a stone wall, desiring to look inside a window. Maybe back in the medieval times, they have dug that very ditch specifically with the thought in mind, that some voyeuristic idiot will want to peek inside someone’s house. Centuries have passed, and Malachai no middle name Parker has tried climbing the stone wall, fell and broke his neck without making a sound. He was lying on the bottom of the ditch until dark while you ran down the streets calling him all the names you could think of, as your mind ran even faster. Has he been kidnapped? By whom? Aliens? Werewolves? Witches? Italian ghosts? Consumed by the ground? Has he left? Why would he do that to you? Was it a prank? Was he watching you and laughing? As he resurrected and crawled out back onto the street, you sat on the same street catatonically, your head in your hands, numb with horror. That was the day when you realized, this world was only tolerable if he was near you.
“You are so stupid”, you hissed through your teeth. You wanted to tell him how stupid he was, with his stupid white smile, and his monkey limbs that called him to crawl and climb everything, his stupid black hair and river grey eyes, and his stupid white neck with two birthmarks, soft like drops of chocolate. And his stupid... everything, he was so stupid sometimes you wanted to kill him yourself.
“You dig me so much”, he echoed instantly. “Going back to your question, I think the worst thing about this place is being locked somewhere without a chance to get out. Like, buried alive”.
You stopped pushing him for a second, and he noticed.
“Because you can’t really die”.
“Yeah. You suffocate, suffer, then return. You’re hungry all the time, your throat is dry, it’s completely dark, you’re alone, and you can’t get out. And you’re just there, for years. Or maybe even centuries”.
You nodded.
“Yeah, that must be it”.
You still had that ingrained instinct to head for the registers after you were done shopping.
After a little detour, you finally pushed him outside, into the sun, and looked up at the sky. The time of eclipse was coming, but every day it made less and less sense. At first it was kinda tragic. There it goes again, your chance to get out of here. You have no ascendant, no Bennett blood. The eclipse winks at you, gloating, scolds you, and goes away, and you’re still here.
After a couple of months, it made less sense and hurt less. You were preoccupied with something else.
He was giving you looks which you knew wouldn’t let go. Kai had nothing else to entertain himself with here: he’s been here before. He couldn’t share your amazement at the stars at night, the stillness of the cities, the emptiness of the landscape. He didn’t care for completely silent, glowing, crowdless New York standing over the Hudson. He couldn’t pretend he was even mildly touched by a thousand miles long California beach, with the waves crashing on the white sand, and bringing no jellyfish. He was over it. As much as you were curious about every little corner of this world, he despised it; he found incredible worth in studying you instead. Following the advice you gave him (not to get bored (again), he was crawling up to you slowly, like a snake. He learnt all your glances and the way you liked to sleep. He learnt the pace of your heart. He knew what you ate, and what you didn’t. What time you took showers. What colors you never wore. He had nothing else to do here, but you.
So now, he knew he had striken a nerve, unknowingly, and of course, he wanted to know everything at once.
“You still don’t get it, do you”, he chuckled, standing idly by, as you loaded the trunk of your new, bottle-green BMW, with food. You bit your lower lip because you found it usually helped you keep a straight face.
“All you have is me”.
You hummed, almost amused. You somehow liked the sound of it.
“I am all you have. You don’t tell me, you tell nobody. You keep it to yourself. You go crazy. There’s two crazy people. We kill each other and there’s no happy end”.
“We can’t kill each other permanently”.
“I know, but we can do it many times and turn everything into... Starving Fest?”
You lost, letting a giggle out.
“Hunger Games”.
“Yeah, I know. What was it?”
“Oh, Kai, you’re so invasive”.
“I know, I’m a virus”.
“I do get it, by the way. I’m keenly aware you’re all I have”, you said, looking him straight in the eye. You understood it well the day he broke his stupid neck in Pisa. You could not even fathom that terror completely, to say nothing about explaining the feeling to him. You were afraid some deep feeling of attachment was developing here, right beneath your forehead.
“Then tell me”.
You sighed. Telling stories was, obviously, a big source of entertainment. People told stories from the beginning of times. Mainly dark stories, frightening ones. So that the fire seems warmer.
“You remember that golden slender crabtree in the Salvatore yard?”
“Yeah”, he nodded, already delighted. He knew it was going to be something hurtful for you, and enjoyed it all the more. The glint in his eyes made him look very alive, the way he looked when he was in his killing mode.
You got into the car, and Kai followed you, buckling up, out of habit now.
“And Katherine? Katherine Pierce? Do you remember her?”
“Damon’s chick who looks like Stefan’s chick”, he nodded again.
“Well, it’s fair to say Elena looks like Katherine. She’s her double after all”.
“Eh”.
“But yeah, Damon loves her very much. Still”.
You looked at the empty parking lot, and started the car. Kai groaned.
“Don’t tell me you love Damon Salvatore”.
“I used to. When I was, like, sixteen. If you were a sixteen year old girl, you’d love him, too”.
“I really doubt that. I’m more into rocker guys”.
“Whataver you say, Kai. Anyway, their romance was turbulent, he chased her for many years, and she barely gave a fuck about him, but Damon loved her so much; he practically ended up a vampire because of her. The whole Salvatore thing started because of her when she started dating both of them...”
“How’s it connected to you?” Kai asked.
“It is. I’m trying to give you the full story”.
You took on the street. Now you knew the town of Amalfi very well, to your own surprise. Would you ever guess, even a year before? This was bizarre. You drove along the trickly weaving serpentine roads almost like a pro, having lived here for almost a month. The view was divine. Deep blue in the morning, the sea was heating closer to four in the afternoon and was losing the color gradually, until the evening made it navy under the violet sky.
Prison.
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“The full story is dull. I hated that whole town specifically for their neverending drama. Who’s in love with whom? Who cheats on whom? Everybody fights for Elena, but I mean, have you seen what she’s wearing all the time?” Kai rambled lazily, “What the hell? And who cares, as well? I was baffled at how much drama they’re able to handle. If you like someone, why not just fuck them, and move on?”
You swayed your head, already quite used to his blunt view of attraction. He was being a little hypocritical, though. In the way he spooned you diligently, every night, there was way more than his straightforward sober calculation.
“Anyway”, you interrupted him, “the bottom line is, Katherine and Damon, although they both will deny their more or less mutual feelings, do tend to do stuff just to cause a reaction out of each other. Katherine, surprisingly, more so than Damon. He at least admits he’s still simping hard about her, which I find totally adorable and very cinematographic”.
“Why?”
“Well, Kai, he’s loved her since he turned. Which is, like, about two hundred years”.
“You’re so bad at math”.
“And yes, they had slept together, so it’s definitely, obviously not just an extreme case of trying to get laid. He really loves her. After all she’s done. If that doesn’t make you believe in love, I don’t know what to do with you”.
He frowned a little, looking ahead. You took the wheel with both hands as the car started climbing up the mountain. The laughably luxurious villa you occupied had two pools, insane city view and was on the top of the highest mountaint. If you can have anything, why not take it all.
“Princess, I still don’t get how it’s all connected with your eternal dread of enclosed spaces and that fucking tree”.
You ignored his impatience.
“Back at school, when I befriended Damon, because I was friends with Elena, and Elena dated his brother, he got some crazy idea I’m his project or something. He was trying to mentor me, even took me together with him when he needed to do something. There was a time I was working as his Door Girl”.
“What’s that mean?”
“Vampires can’t enter homes. If he needed to get inside someone’s house, I’d step on the porch and push the owner a little, so that they step out, and he broke their neck”.
Kai whistled really quietly.
“You are vile”.
“I was sixteen, and I was completely in love with him, and really wanted him to think I was badass and it never occurred to me that he was using me”.
“Wow”, Kai said slowly.
“You sound very judgmental for a psycho killer (by Talking Heads)”.
He tilted his head, and you just had to look. He looked so handsome. Maybe it was the biological thing, the last guy on the planet and whatnot. Every day, he seemed prettier and prettier to you, the stupid bastard. All his smirks, his cocky attitude, his stupid rubber neck bending sideways, the eyes always targeting you with the deadliest accuracy, it all was calling for you, and the depths of you replied.
“At least I never pretended to be a good person”.
“I never told you I was”.
“You all think that by default”.
“You claim to know me and yet...”
He smiled.
“Okay. Go on”.
“Damon started thinking of me eventually as of his very little sister, or something. Who was also his drinking buddy occasionally. I’m still very proud that a vamp like him considered me somewhat of a friend”.
You knew Kai would sniff with contempt, and he did.
“So, I became a person of interest. Of course, everyone knew I’m his buddy. It’s a little town. When Katherine came, and she always comes, and it seems to me, she even comes back sometimes - when she came, she really wanted to sting him somehow. So she took me, and she put me inside the earth in a chunk of a concrete drain pipe. She buried me alive”.
Finally, there was no opinionated comment. The utter silence in the car suddenly made you aware you forgot your phone at home. Kai watched you, almost mesmerized, clearly trying to picture it as graphically as he could. You wondered if your suffering was arousing to him.
“She obviously closed it on both ends. It’s way worse than a coffin, I can tell you. Have you ever been buried alive?”
“No”, he said simply.
“She buried me right under the windows of his room. In the yard. So that when he realizes I’m dead, it haunts him that I was right under is nose. Concrete pipe, six feet under the ground, you know, even a vampire ear would have hard time hearing me scream”.
“Did you scream?”
“Of course. I split my forehead and my elbows, I broke all my nails. I was sixteen, I gave in to panic and almost lost all the oxygen. For some reason, I decided to kill myself by breaking my own skull, not to suffer, and started banging my head on the pipe”.
Kai’s face was unreadable. You looked at him and then turned back to the glass smooth sunny asphalt. Every patch of asphalt reminded you of that pipe. Every concrete thing reminded you of that, always.
“How did you get out?” he asked. You were glad Kai didn’t ask for gory details or the uncomfortable, uneasy questions.
“He did hear me. Turns out, I’m very good at screaming”.
“I reckon”, he replied quietly.
“You’re enjoying it, aren’t you?”
He shrugged.
“Those experiences are very telling. If I’d known you could take so much and go on, I’d be harsher with you. How did it feel? Worse than now?”
“Nothing has ever been worse than that, to be honest”, you said, and had to clear your throat, because you suddenly lost your voice a little.
“This is not an invitation, Parker”.
He chuckled.
“Oh, dear Y/N. You think I’m some kinda maniac?”
You side eyed him with a smile. He grinned, too.
“And what with the tree?”
“Damon brought like... a seed he had found somewhere in Persia or whatever, and planted it on the spot I’d been buried. What a douche. Like I need to be reminded about it every day. That’s exactly what happens when you soulless jerks try to be sensitive”.
“That hurts me, when you say that”.
You sighed and let go of the wheel with one hand, feeling for his head.
“I’m sorry. I keep forgetting you have feelings now”.
“I have feelings for you”.
“Right. This crabtree was supposed to be usual, but it turned out some magical witchy fairy tree, it never brings apples, but it blooms when other trees don’t. And the trunk is golden. And the leaves, too. So, boo, Y/N survival tree. Wonderful. I made him cut it once, and what do you think. It grew back the next year”.
“Katherine is still alive though?” Kai reasoned.
“Yes, she is”, you responded, a bit louder, “she’s simply sleeping in the Fell’s old tomb. Apparently, bad guys don’t have to die if they’re cute”.
“Good for me”.
“He has betrayed me”, you noted, “he has chosen her over me, the girl he was supposed to take care of. I was a child, Kai”.
His hand laid on your lap, which you asked him not to do many times. You wouldn’t shrug him off this time, though. It didn’t matter anymore. You liked it when he touched you, and Kai knew it.
“Well, you said yourself he loves her. You just gotta find yourself a guy who loves you as much, and he’ll avenge you”.
You hummed. Tension settled in the car. It was so thick you didn’t even notice the sun blazing right into your eyes. You already knew the road pretty well. Soon, there’ll be a very sharp U turn, and after it, the most beautiful bay will make itself visible. Ghost ships with summery scarlet and orange sails are forever stuck there, swaying peacefully on water. Wooden pier with creeking planks, emerald green weed fluttering near the shore. It was quite a sight, and many times already, you almost sent the car down off the cliff, hypnotized by the sight. The cliff was rocky, completely vertical down there. You got your foot ready to push gently on the breaks.
“Have you ever loved anyone?” you asked. Here, now, as your car traveled on the serpentine, with around four hundred packs of frozen chicken nuggets in the trunk, it sounded a bit silly.
Kai clicked his tongue, already preoccupied with something new. Just like that, the conversation was over.
“Kai, I asked you the question”.
“Yeah, yeah, I have”.
The bay turned up. You realized the car isn’t obeying you like it did yesterday.
“What the...”
The turn was now speeding up to you as you pushed the breaks into the floor, but nothing happened. The car was rolling down the hill, gaining speed, on ice-slippery road.
You knew at once he was behind it.
“Kai, what the fuck?”
Your spine went numb with very natural, very animal fear. You could see the edge now.
“I cut the breaks”, he replied, and took your hand. He interlocked his fingers with yours.
You had no idea what he was trying to tell you.
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nighty-amy · 5 years ago
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Madoka's valentine story - selflessly shares her magical chocolate to help others escape the labirynth and singlehandly saves the day.
Sayaka's - can't find courage to give chocolates to Kyosuke but finally does.
Aimi's - gives the chocolates to the boy she liked, thanks to Masara's and Kokoro's help.
Homura's - meets a Black Feather magical girl that is similar to her but after a few days Kuro turns into witch and Homura has to kill her.
...even in the Kamihama timeline Homura can’t escape the suffering, can she.
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kakasaku-shipper · 8 years ago
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Oath
Part 2: Hunting
Sakura leaped from one tree to another as fast as her legs could carry her. The other two from her team had no problem following, but not the rest. Tenzo had shouted for her to slow down, because the gap she was making was increasingly hard to close. But Sakura could not afford to slow down, not when her target was so close, not when Kakashi’s fate was uncertain. If that man was unable to keep his promises,  she would be the one to keep it for him, damn it!
“Let’s just break the team. Naruto, Sakura, Sai and I would go first, the rest can catch up,” Sasuke slowed down his pace to relay his plan to Tenzo, before shooting forward, completely disregarding what Tenzo would have to say. Sai who heard the plan obeyed. He was having difficulties catching up with the speed of the original team 7 members, but he too is a member of team 7 now. He would be able to pull off running at their speed. After all it was Sakura’s speed he was matching. Very difficult, but not impossible like if he had to match with Naruto’s or Sasuke’s. 
Tenzo sighed in exasperation as he fell back to the remainder of the group. The Hokage had explicitly named him the team leader, but he really couldn’t argue with a decision agreed upon by the three exceptional shinobi. How Kakashi-senpai managed to lead them all those years ago was a wonder.
Shikamaru muttered his favorite word, “troublesome,” under his breath as he hoped that their distance would not exceed the radio range. It would be really troublesome if he could not communicate with them and come up with a plan.
“At this rate, we would still take hours to get to the hide out,” Sasuke pointed out as he cruised beside Sakura. She gritted her teeth in response, but unable to pump more chakra into her feet. She was at her limit, and glancing at Sai behind, she knew that it would be impossible to increase the speed. Sasuke suddenly halted, causing the three others to do the same. “Get on, and we will be there in minutes. Naruto, you carry Sai,” Sasuke commanded as he crouched down beside Sakura.
“Teme! If you’re gonna make that kind of decision, at least let me carry Sakura-chan! Why do I have to get stuck with Sai!” Naruto whined.
“Shut up. You have two arms and I only have one. I need to take the lighter load,” Sasuke retorted as she sped off, with Sakura on his back.
“Gaaaah!” Naruto yelled in frustration, but still complied. Sai, for once smartly chose to not say anything at that moment and went along with the motion, although he felt really weird having to be carried when he was not unconscious.
They reached what they had speculated to be the hideout where Kakashi may be at in a matter of minutes with Naruto and Sasuke’s speed. As they landed, Naruto carefully surveyed the area to detect the presence of enemy nins and Kakashi. After confirming that Kakashi was really in that hide out and was still alive and surprisingly relatively well, Sasuke grabbed the radio from Naruto to reach Tenzo.
“We’re using Sai’s bird Shikamaru had previously sealed and requested. I think we are at most half an hour away from the location. It would be best to wait…”
Sasuke shut the radio before Tenzo could say anything more. He knew that waiting would be the best decision, but Kakashi was too important. He knew that he was to be the Rokudaime, and honestly, his feelings were far stronger than protocol. He knew the repercussions of insubordination, that was why he took the radio from Naruto. If anyone was to be punished, he would take it. Kakashi is a comrade, and he, like Kakashi had lost too many he cared about. He would not let another precious person die. Besides, half hour was good enough. If they were defeated, they would at least cripple the enemy significantly by the time Tenzo and InoShikaCho arrived. They could be in charge of clean up and retrieve all of them back.
“Let’s move in. Naruto, we’ll create opening. Sakura, remember that you are a medic and stick with Sai. I know that you’re capable, but Kakashi is at stake. We need you in a condition good enough to treat him.”
“I know that,” Sakura ground out between clenched teeth. She knew her responsibilities, damn it. Sasuke did not need to point that out to her like she was some kind of an incapable genin.
“I think what he meant is that you’re too emotional right now, Sakura. You do have a temper,” Sai said quietly as he placed his hand on her shoulder. Taking a deep breath, Sakura nodded her assent and the boys sprung into motion.
Naruto charged in and shouted out the precise locations of everyone in the hideout, making it easy for Sasuke to launch his attack. It was also easier for Sai and Sakura and they trekked down the path towards Kakashi.
Sakura had only been into a secret hide out once, when they were trying to retrieve Sasuke. At the time, she thought that the place was complicated enough, but apparently, no one made labirynths better than Iwa. If Naruto was not radioing Sai where exactly to go, they probably would never find Kakashi. Sakura really hated underground labirynths right then. If it was above ground, she could punch through every walls until she found what she was looking for. But she could not do it right there without the risk of collapsing everything, which would probably kill all of them.
One ninja suddenly crept behind her and aimed to stab her with a syringe. But Sakura was fast enough to evade him, and punch him hard enough to shatter his sternum. She had focused her chakra to explode upon impact, so that only her target would suffer the blow, and the structure would remain undisturbed. 
“He’s dead. Move on, Sai,” Sakura snapped as Sai was looking at her with wide eyes.
“I thought that you were going to kill all of us,” Sai whispered slowly as he began to pick up his speed and continued their trek.
When they neared the room Kakashi was kept, Sakura could already pinpoint Kakashi’s exact location. She could hear the sound of blows being exchanged, and she no longer needed Sai to be her guide. Pumping her chakra to the sole of her feet, Sakura ran as fast as she could towards where Kakashi was, only to be suddenly be pulled back. 
Looking down at her body, she noticed that she was bound by metal wire.
“Sai,” she hissed as she gave him the deadliest glare she could master.
“I see traps,  Sakura. A lot of them. We have to be careful,” he replied as he let the rope lose. Sakura’s eyes soften as she gazed apologetically at him. Sai nodded his head in acceptance of her apology and began to list off the traps he had sensed.
The traps slowed Sakura down significantly, and it frustrated her to no end. She just hoped that she would not be too late in reaching Kakashi.
Still avoiding the traps, her heart stopped momentarily as she heard a man growled out,  "I will make you pay.“ The voice was full of malice and it did not belonged to Kakashi. Her blood ran cold as she quickly moved, taking the chance of moving past the traps instead of disarming them like how the standard protocol dictated. She would live with one or two traps hitting her, but Kakashi may not. She needed to get to where he was as soon as she could.
Rounding the corner and entering the room where Kakashi was, Sakura only saw red. There she saw Kakashi bleeding half to death with an enemy on top of him. Focusing all her strength in her fist, she quietly charged towards him, flinging him off Kakashi and into a wall. She did not need to check on him as she had aimed her punch to his head, effectively crushing it. 
“Kakashi! Stay with me!” Sakura shouted as she began to close the wound on the stomach. She was glad that he was still alive, but this kind of bleeding was not good. How was he still alive, she did not know, but she would save him. She wouldn’t let him die.
Footsteps echoed through the empty hall and three figures appeared beside her. Sakura ignored the three as she kept her focus on Kakashi. She could update them later on his condition. For now, patching him back together was what was important.
Tears began to flow from her eyes as she realised that she may had been too late. The bleeding on his stomach would not stop, and that was not his only bleeding spot. Blood oozed put from his cut arm too. It was less serious but Kakashi could not afford to lose any more blood than what he was losing. She told herself not to cry, to be strong for Kakashi and her teammates, but she could not keep her tears at bay. When she was first declared by Tsunade as capable enough as a medic nin, Tsunade made her swear an oath. It was not the usual oath of her as a medic nin doing her very best to save a comrade, nor the oath to stay back and let the rest do the fighting as medic nin should be the last one to die. But it was an oath for her to never let the one she loved most to die. She had sworn it, thinking that she would not make the same mistake her shishou did, but in the end, masters and students seemed to be alike to the very core. She was frustrated by herself that she could not save Kakashi, the man she loved the most. What was that thought that she would be the one keeping his promise for him if he was not capable of doing it himself? Was she too full of herself to think that? 
Her thought of self loathing stopped as she felt a hand cradling the side of her face. She nuzzled at the contact. The fact that Kakashi was still alive until now may prove that it was not too late after all. Taking a deep breath, she began to heal him with a renewed vigor, until she heard his whisper.  
“I’m sorry, Sakura. I’m so sorry..“ 
With that whisper, his hand fell from her face. If she was crying before, she was bawling now. Tears were flowing nonstop as she felt his chakra fading, in his pulse slowing down. 
"No. No! Please Kakashi, NO!” She shouted in frustration as she activated her byakugou seal. The seal was useful mostly for one’s own regeneration, at the cost of one’s lifespan. The release of the seal would cause instant regeneration on the user, but it usually did not have an effect on others. But Sakura was not thinking straight, and her actions stemmed from the sorrow she was feeling. With the seal active, she used everything she had at once and promptly fell into unconsciousness from the sudden release of tremendous amount of chakra.
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When I kill myself there will be way too many reasons to make tapes. A year long podcast with 365 reasons would probably still not cover them all
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