#last time i drew him was march 22

[cloud-craft]

Peeks out of my hole long enough to throw this out before scuttling back in

[multi-fandom-imagine]

Day 22: Ripped stockings

Fandom: Baldurs Gate 3

Character: Gale Dekarios

Warnings: praising, teasing, p in v, semi-public sex

A/n: Writing for the best boy on my B-day

Gale was happy to move to Waterdeep with you, you were his fiancé after all though honestly the man was just happy that he can live a normal life with you. No more time bomb, no more Mystra and no more of those nasty little parasites. Just you, him, Tera, Scratch and the Owlbear.

Life was perfect and since life was perfect, Gale couldn’t help but want to take you out for a romantic date.

You deserved it after all.

So here he was, standing by the door. Waiting for you to slip out of the room. You had wanted to surprise him, something about a gift from Shadowheart. Hearing the door creak open, the man straightened his body though his heart nearly stopped and suddenly he was a teenager again.

The skirt you wore was short, far to short for something you used to wear just barley covering your ass and the low neckline of the shirt. To him you looked like a goddess. The dress seemed to shimmer whenever you took a step, you looked like you belonged to be persevered in a panting, the stars but the one thing that drew his eyes the most were the stockings you were.

Tiny little crystal’s woven in the fabric like glittering gold. It seemed it hug your curves in the right places and he was finding it that he was having a little trouble finding it hard to breath.

He felt like you were doing this on purpose, in fact he new you were doing it on purpose judging by that little smirk on your face. “Ready to head out.”

“I.” Doing his best to it stutter out a response the man only nodded as he he grasped your hand giving it a squeeze. “Yes…yes I am ready to leave.”

Pulling him along, you were eager to go you though you also couldn’t wait to see just how far you could push your lover.

Gale felt far to hot, his palms felt far too sweaty and why on earth did you have bend over. Why did your ass have it look so good in those stockings. Gritting his teeth he felt his control slowly slipping. His eyes zooming in on a small tear in the stockings.

“Enough is enough.”

Smoothing out the dress, you titled your head to the side. A small smile forming on your lips, your eyes glinting with mischief. “Hmm?”

Giving a quick look around, Gale was happy to see the people far to absorbed in their own things to notice him. “You’ll find out soon enough my dear.” He grasped your wrist tugging you in a nearby alleyway, his hands on your hips pressing you against the stone wall.

“I’m surprised you lasted this long.” You teased as your fingers ran across the bulge in his pants though a gasp tore through your lips as the lips ripped your stockings. “Gale!”

“Now you look far to appetizing.” He whispered against your neck as his fingers teased your slit until he slowly slipped into your warmth.

Grunting, Gale grasped your hips keeping you pressed to the wall. His face pressed into your neck, teeth grazing the skin. The thrusts were slow, teasing , deliberate.

Your head pressed against the wall, your nails digging into his shoulders as you begged the man to go faster. You did your best of march his thrusts, your legs righting around his waist. Your cries covered by Gales lips, his tongue slowly moving against your own.

He let his hands clutch the fabric of your stockings as he slipped his cock in and out of your pussy. A shudder gliding down his spine feeling your walls clench tightly around his cock.

Biting your lip, you could feel yourself getting closer to the edge. A smile forming on your lips as you dig your heels into his back. You were going it have to wear stockings around him more often.

[jinnyxxn]

academic rivals to lovers - kim gyuvin

genre: i sorry i forgot (idk wht to name it, maybe fluff)

warnings: mentions of some idols

pairing: gyuvin zb1 x gn! reader

Monday, 20:44 - After Course.

you didn't go to the same tutoring as gyuvin went, except, the tutoring opened a free course from your school, and the top-ranked 5 students must join.

the course is divided into sessions at different times, but you and your bestie went on an earlier session than his scheduled session. so, your course was dismissed earlier and went home earlier too.

"girl"

"yeah?"

"are you asleep?"

"no."

your 9PM conversation with your bestie, sullyoon. you can't help it seeing your best friend was heartbroken. you turned on the lights, you grab a marker from the side table and you took sullyoon's hand. opened her injured palm and draw a rainbow.

"when i was little, there was a person who drew on my hand. that person says that there's a psychological trick when you're sad, we must draw a rainbow." you turned off the lights and positioned your head on the pillow, talking in the dark with sullyoon.

"that time i don't believe it, for me, a rainbow doesn't solve a problem. a scar on your hands would never change anything. but now, i realized. it's not the rainbow that would solve your problem, but hope appears when you realize that a rainbow only appears after a rain. that means when you want to see a rainbow... you must wait for the rain to stop." you said.

"cool." she praised you.

"who's the first person who drew a rainbow on your hand?"

you giggled, "who do you think?"

sullyoon guessed. "gyuvin..?"

you snorted indignantly which makes the answer correct.

"he was there."

"at my lowest point."

"hey, do you have feelings for him?" a random question pops out from sullyoon.

"your kidding! me and gyuvin are friends since the last 18 years ago! we're neighbors too!" it's giving a bombastic side eye to her.

she giggled, "but that's it! i feel, there won't be a girl who can be friends with gyuvin for 18 years and doesn't has feelings for him!"

"why? because he's handsome, a genius, ranked 1st, and a basketball player? or because he's nice and sweet to everyone?" you replied.

sullyoon turned her head to face you and hoped to read your emotion.

"everyone... every girl who has a crush on him... will never know what gyuvin has gone through, or how hard he tried—"

you stopped, "i was there."

"but he never saw me."

your vocal sounds weak, like it can break anytime, it's like you're confessing your biggest secret.

"i thought i'll be okay. but when I see how he looks at wonyoung in the hall, in class— i realized, gyuvin will never look at me the same way he did to wonyoung" turns out you're heartbroken too.

"so what?! if gyuvin doesn't see you the same way as he sees wonyoung, that doesn't mean you are not worthless—! maybe he isn't the right person for you! maybe—"

"but i don't want the right person, sullyoon." your words are spoken without second thoughts.

"if it's not him... then it's not anyone." blank stare to your ceiling, you're hopeless.

"it's kinda dumb and stupid, but for me, a boy in this world is just one. only gyuvin." and your sleepy as you're done speaking.

and maybe there's one thing that those girlies don't realize which is a careful step back from behind the bedroom door, lowered fingers, and aborted intention of knocking.

someone who chose to go home to number 7 after overhearing a conversation he wasn't supposed to hear.

Tuesday, 22:00 PM - Late Studying

you're studying. everyday studying. the top-ranked 5 students will get a guaranteed scholarship to any school, and free school fees.

top-ranked 5 on March:

1st rank: jang wonyoung

2st rank: kim gyuvin

3rd rank: y/n

4th rank: seoll yoon-a (sullyoon)

5th rank: watanabe haruto

the original parallel ranks per tryout if wonyoung didn't suddenly move in and haruto wasn't absent on the tryout day were actually:

parallel ranks per tryout from grade 10 until grade 12 (right now):

1st rank: watanabe haruto

2st rank: kim gyuvin

3rd rank: y/n

4th rank: seoll yoon-a (sullyoon)

5th rank: han jihyo (jihan)

but since it's June, the structure of the parallel ranks on tryout was destroyed.

top-ranked 5 on June:

1st rank: watanabe haruto

2st rank: jang wonyoung

3rd rank: kim gyuvin

4th rank: y/n

5th rank: seol yoon-a (sullyoon)

it was never a healthy competition, last year, alumni got sabotaged, poisoned, and even got encephalitis (inflammation of the brain). but this year, your very last year to graduate, the school has been tense.

you're done studying and you start to clean your books. picking up some books one by one and finding a strange book. blue leather cover book. you opened the book and it's filled with formulas handwritten neatly.

you immediately knew the handwriting, it was gyuvin's. you escape your house and you went to house number 7, knowing that his parents aren't home because on duty.

you knocked on his door so loud and fast, until the owner of the room opens the door.

"what are you doing this late going to my room?" he questioned you, leaning on his door.

"you left your book idiot" you shoved his book into his hand.

"oops, sorry i forgot" he replied to you, giggling.

"whatever—"

"can you come in? i'm struggling with things and i wanted to share some things with you.."

"sure?"

you went into his room, tidy and clean, just some opened books on his desk. you sit on the edge of his bed, and the owner follows too.

"you know the new student? wonyoung?" he asked so suddenly, you raised you eyebrows and slightly narrowed your eyes. "yeah?"

"you know what's the difference between her and you?"

"no?"

he smiled and slightly tilt his head, "when i look at her or I'm nearby her, i'm amazed because she's tough and she managed to change the structure of the parallel ranks. but the thing is, no matter how pretty she is, or how smart she is, she can't make me feel like how i felt when i'm with you."

you froze in silence, processing his sentence, and speak, "what do you mean?"

he smiled, leaned closer to your face, "i have feelings for you y/n."

"but i don't have feelings for you.." you replied, slowly you moved your head further from him.

"oh yeah? then, what about your conversation yesterday night with sullyoon?" he raised his eyebrows and smirked.

"NO, YOU DID NOT HEAR IT!"

"But i do hear it, love"

"GYUVIN STOP!"

"okay darling"

"STOP!"

"okay okayy.." he laughed while you were trying to hide your blushing face.

that night, you will never forget that night. pulchritudinous night

it's my first time doing this and english aren't my first language so sorry for grammar mistakes! — jinnyxxn

[partyinthemysterymachine]

I notice how you draw Harry and James is pretty different from how they look in game. I was curious how you decided their looks. It's interesting to hear about that sort of thing if you don't mind answering. Thanks

hi anon!! :3 thanks for the ask!! i will do my best to explain myself LOL but no promises it'll make any sense >:3c!

so let's go on a fun lil' art journey, anon. grab a granola bar and some gatorade, and c'mon!!!

well first and foremost: i am a NOTORIOUS "i do what i want"-er. going off the beaten path to the beat of my own drum is my favorite thing to do!

.. that said!! as i've mentioned before, actor Josh Charles was my first PB/"cast" for Harry Mason.

and my very first piece of silent hill fanart (march 10, 2018) really reflects that, LOL

incredibly, and almost a full year later to the date, i drew and posted this on march 4, 2019. now THIS is actually the closest canon-Harry i've ever drawn. (this was also around the start of the SH RP i was doing with a friend, which then spawned GOOMT lol.)

april 25, 2019. first color piece for any SH art and my first "real" time drawing james. this is also the last time you'll see him with his bangs on the "correct" side LOL.

april 30, 2019. the SH RP is still going on, and this is where i'm starting to get a better handle on what i want them to look like. Harry also gets a maroon sweater. he's also notably thinner here, and still has a lot of Josh Charles vibes.

sept 22, 2019. james sunderland thinnest browns edition. the bangs will be drawn on the right from now on.

(the only reason why they're on the right is because i forgot which way his hair actually parted. oops.)

the RP has ended. the first chapter of GOOMT is written a tumblr post and subsequently posted to tumblr october 3, 2019. i write/pst chapters 1 - 4 in the following days, then draw them again:

james's jacket is still short (but at least he has eyebrows!!); harry is still thin(ner). he's also got more of a canon-harry super low cut sweatervest.

ch 5, 6 is written/posted to tumblr. i draw and post this on october 27, 2019. please clap for my art journey LMAO

you'll also notice hte presence of A Knife. this is actually Angela's knife. shhh. ;)

still figuring out what they look like in goomt here tbh.

stuff from the following week. more figuring out! DRASTICALLY different Harry, too! still very Josh Charles-y, but starting to take on his own look as well. (note his greys!!)

i like DILFs. i like dad bods. he was intended to be a little soft around the middle.

it's not until January 2020 that i draw these idiots again:

very different nose for james lmao.

this is actually my first full body for both in awhile.

(i'm redoing this :3)

also more "accurate" debut of Harry's jacket!! this jacket was ALWAYS intended to look/be bigger on him. i can't really explain why because i don't know, other than it felt right.

at this point i've figured out how i want Harry to look. his design elements are very simple, because i'm EXTREMELY self-indulgent and i really. REALLY like:

widow's peaks

big thick eyebrows

noses. big beak noses

old men

grey hair

(you can actually find this sort of pattern across my various OCs that you'll never find evidence of on my blog anymore haha except for Zach good luck tho. >:3c)

January then gets very busy in the art department for these guys.

Harry finally gets more of a pudge and starts to "look" like himself. James also starts to "look" like himself.

a note on james's bangs: i uhhhhhhh. Stylistically, i have a thing for drawing Big Hair and Tall Bangs. this is seen in my version of Jonathan Crane. but also my hair used to do the exact same bangs so are you really surprised.

(bonus pieces of abandoned James GOOMT character sheet from 2001. i might have the files somewhere if you guys want to see What Almost Was LMAO)

more from January 2020. rubs chin.

it isn't until the end of Janurary/beginning of February that Harry finally Gets Fatter.

i'd been very unused to drawing fat people until Harry, and had been struggling up until here with actually drawing a more accurate representation of his body type to the one i saw in my head!

the reason why i made him fat is because it made sense to me that he was. people change, and being a single father changed him a lot. (and also i recognize that the only reason why the Dead Harry model was lean in sh3 was because it was a recycled Dead James model and they were Legit not going to actually put too much thought into it otherwise lmfao)

march 2020. still getting used to drawing Harry's body type!! also: even tho James's jacket is Longer in my head, i'm still trying to draw it the game-canon length.

idk why.

August 2020, James long jacket hours!!! and Harry really getting his look.

and FINALLY, one of my FAVORITES i've ever done of these two!!:

james's jacket is short here (only bc i was a Dumbass and forgot to make it longer i think?? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who's to say), but this is also the color debut for the backpack!!

(bonus Sept 16 2020 YOUNG HARRY CONCEPT from when he pierced his ears in the 90s thinking Jodi was going to find him soooo handsome. he sure is he cute huh)

BONUS MATERIAL:

attempted to re-do their character sheets back in 2021. this did not go as planned, and i was having a very hard year doing ANY personal art, so. gestures.

(sorry i had to put them up here like this it's just a screenshot of the two files in preview bc i'm Totally Incompetent when it comes to computers lmfao)

this is where we are now!! now as these are just sketches for their Newest character sheets, Harry is a liiittle different in the actual file and is is literally just a screenshot of what i've already posted like mentioned above lmao.

what it comes down to is this:

FOR JAMES

i actually just forgor what he looked like and didn't ref my art to what he looked like in-game. simple as that! LOL

in the initial RP, James was played by my friend, while i grabbed the reins to Harry, so i naturally preserved some of the base features of what my friend decided for James (lean, Super Sad And Wet, pale af). i slapped on the caterpillar brows (this is also a thing i'm historically known for in character design), did some tweaks, and also let James evolve himself as i became a better artist.

longer coat because Aesthetics that's why LOL. i don't like the short jacket he wears in game-canon and i needed GOOMT james to put his hands in his pockets like how i drew him above. Reasons.

he's also so pale because [REDACTED] and much thinner than his in-game model because he did Not take care of himself very well in those three years during Mary's illness. (it's also in his genetics: Frank is lean, too (however much taller than James, rip dude 😔))

FOR HARRY

switch from blue to maroon: i like maroon/burgundy. (i realize later that the color he wears is more on the side of burgundy but y'all i hate the color spectrum and it can definitely also be called maroon so it's maroon LOL) i also just thought it looked better on him. the only other reason i can think of as to why i changed it was because.. people change. this is a new era in his life. i kept it a (more modest, sh1 harry you whore <3) v-neck sweater as a nod to his game-canon but just.. changed it to maroon. probably just a designator.

he's fat because of reasons detailed above (fatherhood, life on the road, settling down, etc). and also because he's hot and he deserves that. self-indulgent.

hair, nose, elf ears: self-indulgent.

for Harry especially there are a lot of aspects about him that "almost were" but got cut out of his development for one reason or another an really he's better off that way. i really really don't like to force development or force a "look".

the main reason i guess above all else is that Harry looks so different than his game canon is because he's not that Harry anymore. and in sh3, you never see the guy's face: him dead. i can't even recall if i'd seen the dead Harry model in full before trying to hammer out what GOOMT Harry looked like. young GOOMT Harry would look a lot closer to what his game model looks like, tho. i can tell you that much :3 (one day i'll draw a Younger Harry but don't expect it anytime soon unless the inspiration REALLY strikes lmfao)

a lot of their changes are just not that deep, honestly. my vision for them comes from forgetting which way the bangs go (looks James), developign them in my head over time, The Vibes™️, and The Indulgences™️. i'm a creature of habit for sure in the character design department LOL but my world my puddle we play in it.

i should go to bed now!! but if you have any questions about something else or anything about their designs in particular PLS let me know!! i realy REALLY love this question and wanted to answer it RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY (even tho it's been two hours since and I NEED TO GO TO BEEED DGLDFDFGDGFSKGDFDKGSDFGKH O O O P S ) SO i hope you enjoyed that little trip down memory lane (and my art tag archive LOL) and you have a good safe healthy and cool day :3c!!

[jo3ydr3w]

Joey Drew BITE Paper

Uploading this here because AO3 won’t stop freezing enough to let me put out the new update. Reminder, I’ve only read The Illusion of Living and the Joey Drew Studios Employee Handbook.

With Bendy and the Dark Revival’s release, we have again acquired new audio logs from the employees of Joey Drew Studios and the Gent Corporation (BATDR audio logs. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).). I was very excited when the first audio log from the game I heard by Grant Cohen mentioned money randomly appearing and disappearing (YouTube. (2022, November 18).). Unfortunately, this wouldn’t have been enough to update my BITE paper, so there must be more additions, right? Right!

Joey Drew is manipulative and seems determined to control those around him. Many of his behaviors are alarming and should raise red flags for the people around him. He is displaying a lot of the behavior we see in cult leaders (Advisors, 2022). We can prove this If we turn to the “BITE” model. “BITE” stands for Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotional control (Advisors, 2022). The BITE model is set up with four categories. There are 50 main points, and he hits 46 of them. Many main points have several sub-points. Joey Drew hits on Behavior 22 out of 25, Information all 6, Thought all 11, and Emotional 7 out of 8.

1. Regulate individual’s physical reality - This is the whole point of the game. Their physical world and how they perceive it has changed. It’s become precisely what Joey wants it to be (Ink machine. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).).

2. Dictate where, how, and with whom the member lives and associates or isolates - When Joey installs the pipes for the ink machine, they leak. This causes Sammy and others to become trapped in the music department multiple times. Quote from Sammy’s audio log about the pump switch and the ink flooding the place,

“three times last month, we couldn't even get out of our department because the ink had flooded the stairwell” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

Joey installs a pump to deal with it but controls when it is drained and who leaves. The pump switch is in Sammy's office, but he doesn’t seem to control it as people are “in and out” dealing with it (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). What’s interesting about the pump switch being in Sammy’s office is that in The Illusion of Living, Joey says this on page 227,

“I never visit Music, as Sammy and I agreed that I would only come by if we had scheduled a visit. Some creative people are just that stubborn and need their privacy” (Kress, A. (2021).).

This is interesting because that implies that Joey was never draining the pump switch itself and that possibly Gent employees were. Maybe this is why Sammy was so angry with the switch being installed in his office because Joey was breaking an agreement he had made personally with Sammy.

Hank Scott’s audio log in Bendy and the Dark Revival explains the origins of a new area in the game, Artist’s Rest. Joey built the area to give the employees a place to sleep/live in the studio. According to Hank, “you practically have only a few hours before you have to wake up and come back,” and, according to Joey, “now we never have to leave work again” (YouTube. (2022, November 18).). That entire area was built to KEEP employees in the studio and isolate them from the rest of the world.

Joey also doesn’t want employees to leave the building for medical issues as well, page 34 of the employee handbook, 

“there’s no need to recuperate at home–come visit the infirmary” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

This is again stated on page 186,

“employees who feel sick need not stay home; simply stop by the infirmary on your way to your desk. There you’ll find a menagerie of treatments and medicines to help you feel better and back to work in no time–no pesky recovery time required” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

It also seems that Joey didn’t want the excuse of needing food to keep employees from the studio, page 41 of the employee handbook,

“by now, we’re sure you’re wondering, What’s with all the soup? As part of Bendy’s licensing agreement with Briar Label Bacon Soup, the Briar Label Company has stacked Joey Drew Studios from roof to sub-sub-sub-sub-basement with free soup as a thank-you. Made from a traditional family recipe, Briar Label Bacon Soup tastes just like the home-kitchen cooking that Mom used to make. Rather than going out for lunch, please indulge in a free meal on us while you work at your desk–forks are available upon request. After eating, please leave your dirty bowls in the dedicated shelving in the stairwell for Wally Franks” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

He also controlled who employees could talk to, page 193 of the employee handbook, “Employees of Joey Drew Studios will soon get to reap all the wonderful benefits of Bendyland. In addition to a free lifetime pass* (well, as long as you stay employed here, but that’ll be a lifetime!), you also get up to four guest passes, should you somehow mingle with people who aren’t your direct coworkers” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

4. Control types of clothing and hairstyles - Quote from page 183 of the employee handbook,

“we observe a casual dress policy at the studio to foster an atmosphere conducive to creativity, but please keep in mind that business attire may be required for high-level meetings. We ask that you convene with your supervisor if you are unsure of the dress code for a particular event” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

I find this interesting, as it’s just assumed that the employees knew what the dress code was without asking. Joey also doesn’t give any examples here, so it really feels like he was just expecting them to know the second they were hired.

5. Regulate diet – food and drink, hunger and/or fasting - Joey appears to be aware of Sammy drinking ink, which is clearly an unhealthy habit. Other employees, specifically Buddy, are also aware, but no one says anything or tries to help him (Sammy Lawrence. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).).

6. Manipulation and deprivation of sleep - The motto for the animation studio is “Work hard work happy”

(" Travaille Dur, Travaille heureux ": Bendy y la máquina de tinta, Bendy y Boris, imagenes de videojuegos. Pinterest. (2017, October 8).). Sammy complains about being overworked and Joey leaving things to the last minute. He says his work is causing nightmares and unusual sleep (YouTube. (2019).). Bill Danton’s audio log Dancing Clock has Bill state he has “thousands of frames to go.” He seems out of breath and starts out of control laughing towards the end (YouTube. (2022, November 18).). The mental well-being of employees wasn’t a priority to Joey. Even when Joey wasn’t directly interfering with work and stopping them from working when they needed sleep, other employees seemed to be disrupting work. Phil seems excited that Joey hasn’t been bothering him as he’s able to get work done, but a “freak” a few desks over is starting to drive him crazy by constantly asking to look at “pictures he’s been drawing” (YouTube. (2022, November 18).).

7. Financial exploitation, manipulation or dependence - Joey demands Grant lie on IRS report sheets (Staff, S. I. (2019).). If Grant is caught, this will reflect on him; he’d have to prove this was Joey’s idea and that he was being forced. Quote from page 83 of the employee handbook,

“from: Grant Cohen

To: Joey Drew

Mister Drew, I really do need to speak with you as soon as possible. Like I said in my last note, we’re running $48,128 short this quarter. We won’t be able to cover our taxes; I’m fielding daily calls from the IRS looking for our payments. There’s not enough in the accounts right now to cover everything, even if I move some funds around and fudge the numbers. I’ve also received several sizable bills from Gent, which I’ll need to account for, besides the Bendyland payments, which we won’t be able to make again this month. Can you please have your girl call down to me when you’re next available” (Staff, S. I. (2019).). Grant’s newest audio log, Strange Money, reveals that money was mysteriously showing up on the finance records. Money that was untraceable and impossible to hunt down (YouTube. (2022, November 18).). Grant wasn’t aware of what a lot of the money was used on, despite what Joey tries to claim, quote from pages 80-81 of the employee handbook,

“accounting has final approval over department budgets, salaries, new hires, etc. Should you encounter any issues with your paycheck, your claim will likely go through Accounting with the help of Administration. [...]

From Grant Cohen, Accounting & Finance

RE: Employee Backpay

Valued Employee, You are receiving this letter to notify you that you are owed BACKPAY IN THE AMOUNT OF $60.76. As our company awaits an influx of revenue from recent investments, we are unable to pay you. Rest assured that we are monitoring the situation closely and will offer you relief as soon as funds become available. We do not anticipate this period to last more than several weeks. Please feel free to visit Accounting & Finance on Level S with any further questions. [...]

Special Projects………………………..$64,921. 98 [...]

Mister Drew, we can’t afford these high figures on special projects any longer. Please limit your spending or find additional investors–we’re on the verge of being in the red again this year” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

We know that Grant and Joey were the only people that were aware of the tax evasion and fraud, as page 226 from The Illusion of Living states,

“10:00 am.: Meet with Accounting. This is usually very short, just a moment for Mr. Cohen to let me know if there is anything in particular we need to pay attention to, but as you can imagine the financial security of Joey Drew Studios is so sound that really it’s just another excuse for a coffee and a chat” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Then on the bottom of the page where Nathan Arch Sr. has left his thoughts as notes,

“it’s a sad fact that even in 1942 the studio was struggling financially, and it’s hard to know if Joey was aware of this at the time of writing the book. On the one hand, I like to think he was, considering he was always so proud of how intimately he knew his studio. But on the other hand, I sometimes prefer thinking he had no idea, that others were lying to him instead of him lying to himself” (Kress, A. (2021).).

This quote from Nathan is fascinating as it contradicts an audio log by Joey found in the game Boris and the Dark Survival, a quote from the audio log, 

“it's been quite a struggle to put this into words, Nathan. After so many years, you know I'd never ask unless it was dire, but when a man's in a spot, he should call upon his friends! Truth is...Well, the studio is comin' up a little short” (YouTube. (2021, October 13).). Nathan knew that Joey was well aware that the studio was in debt and needed help financially.

Nathan, however, is somewhat correct in the fact that employees were hiding things from Joey, quote from the employee handbook, page 204,

“Bendy is our most beloved character here at Joey Drew Studios. As such, he has a strict model that all of our animators are asked to follow” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

Joey here isn’t aware of the fact that the animators are sharing one single reference sheet that has all of Bendy’s emotions on it and has them labeled for what emotion he should be showing at the scene

(Amino. (2020, April 28).). They also have on the sheet not to show Joey that they were using just one expression. It seems like they were scared of him finding out.

Grant seems not to be able to handle either the pressure of knowing about the fraud and random money or has developed paranoia from it as Sally Newt, a secretary at the studio, wrote a note that mentioned Grant “just walks from his desk down to the men’s room and back all day. Over and over again, gripping his stomach. Kind of green in the gills. I can’t tell if something he ate isn’t agreeing with him, or if he just can’t take the pressure anymore” (Getting serious. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).). I was pushed to the paranoia option once I heard the Hiding Treasures audio log recorded by Kay Lee, as she says, “Mr. Cohen brought me in to catalog and secure some of Joey Drew’s more special assets in places no one will ever find them. Sure, that sounds completely legal” (YouTube. (2022, November 18).). I also noticed that in The Illusion of Living, Joey says this about Grant’s work schedule, page 205,

“somewhere I imagined the film team might be working, or even possibly Cohen on the accounts (he liked to arrive at the studio late and stay late, and as long as a man gets the job done, what do I care if his schedule is a bit unusual?)” (Kress, A. (2021).). I think it’s very concerning that Grant was known to be running back and forth from the bathrooms, acting paranoid, begging Joey to get the paychecks on time, and showing up late (Grant Cohen. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).). It seems to me that Grant was dealing with some form of depression because of the studio.

It also seems that Grant, or perhaps another employee that was aware of the financial status of the company spoke out about the possibility of the studio closing soon 

(The archive. Joey Drew Studios. (n.d.).).

I’m of the belief that it was most likely Grant that did the interview for the article. As the article states, 

“according to recent reports coming from the studio, it seems that trouble is spreading like spilled ink. One employee who asked to remain anonymous told The Telegram that he doubts the company will be able to sustain much longer. Some of the reasons given for the financial difficulties are rocketing expenses related to what he referred to as ‘Joey’s folly’. When asked for clarification he confusingly told us he ‘feared the machine’ and didn’t want to comment further” (The archive. Joey Drew Studios. (n.d.).). The reason I think this was Grant is that he’s the only person that would be aware of how deep in debt the studio was and how much the ink machine was costing the studio. Quote from one of his audio logs, 

“speaking of which, and this is top secret, apparently Mr. Drew has another large project in mind now... and it ain't gonna be cheap” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).His death was recorded on an audio log, something we haven’t seen, to my knowledge, with any other studio employee (Indiscernible. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).). Maybe Joey found out and killed Grant for it.This isn’t even the first time employee’s have spoken out about the finances of the studio, a year prior, in 1946, an article by the World Herald was published about this, pages 120-121 of the employee handbook,

“Joey Drew Studios Under Investigation Financial Trouble Looming For Animation Company

New York, NY–Joey Drew Studios is under investigation, with former employees citing hazardous work environments, harassment, and excessive backpay. The company is also in danger of going bankrupt, according to investors. “These accusations are preposterous–they’re ridiculous,” said Joey Drew, founder and president of the company. “I vehemently deny them. These are sad lies no doubt made by disgruntled former employees or competing studios. Our facility is state-of-the-art. Joey Drew Studios is where dreams happen. And it’s where dreams are going to happen. We have no financial troubles at all.”Anonymous workers at Joey Drew Studios have threatened to unionize over the poor conditions, which include unpermitted building, hazardous electrical wiring, and a plumbing system prone to bursting, Many employees also cite excessive work hours, most of which were unpaid. Several animators’ confided that they hadn’t seen their families in weeks, after being threatened with disciplinary action and termination if they were unable to finish animations on exceedingly tight schedules. Music director Sammy Lawrence seemed unfazed by the claims. “Joey runs a pretty tight ship. Some people can’t take it, and that’s fine. This industry is all about survival of the fittest. We don’t need a bunch of useless sheep who can’t finish their work on time.”Despite the mounting evidence against the company, Mister Drew remains adamant that the studio has done nothing wrong. “I am so certain that there’s nothing wrong with our studio, I not only welcome investigators–I invite them,” said Drew. “Reports of barricaded offices, employees locked in work spaces, and malfunctioning machinery are just crazy. And about the money, why, we just installed new technology in partnership with the Gent Corporation! We certainly wouldn’t have done that if we were going bankrupt! In fact, we’re on the verge of taking our business to the next level. I can’t wait to show everyone what we have in store with our new cartoons.”

City officials have reported that they will be exploring these complaints against the company in the coming weeks, to determine if the claims have any merit. In the meantime, employees seem to be fleeing the studio in droves. Recent job listings have included a head of animation, several background and character artists. If his staffing issues are as bad as they seem, one must wonder if Mister Drew intends to draw future cartoons himself” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

He also says this on page 193 of the employee handbook,

“Employees of Joey Drew Studios will soon get to reap all the wonderful benefits of Bendyland. In addition to a free lifetime pass*. [...] You’ll also get a 40 percent discount to use on your purchases.** [...]

*The Bendyland Employee Pass is not valid on New Year’s Day, Groundhog Day, Mardi Gras, Ash Wednesday, Valentine’s Day, Chinese New Year, Purim, Holi, St. Patrick’s Day, Good Friday, Easter Sunday, Easter Monday, Passover, Tax Day, Cinco de Mayo, Mother’s Day, Ramadan, Memorial Day, Flag Day, Father’s Day, Eid al-Fitr, Independence Day, Labor Day, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Columbus Day, Navarati, Halloween, All Saints’ Day, Veterans Day, The Day Before Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Weekend, or all the month of December. Also not valid during work hours or blackout dates,

**Employee discount is limited to a one-time use only. Discount voucher not valid on toys, food, apparel, bedding, churros that aren’t being used as food but are being used as–well, ask Mr. Franks–books, stationery, cold weather gear, hot weather gear, drinks, jewelry, Bacon Soup, or keychains” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

Most of the days I can agree with for the pass not being valid on, but I can’t understand Groundhog Day and Valentine’s Day not being valid days. I also don’t understand what the employees were supposed to use the 40 percent discount on if the above-listed items don’t apply to it. The only thing I can think of that you would be able to use it on would be your entry ticket.

8. Restrict leisure, entertainment, vacation time - He is their boss, so he controls this. He tends to take it too far and overwork them. Some employees report staying in the studio for days (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). Quote from page 187 of the employee handbook,

 “for this reason, employees are only eligible for five days of paid leave a year. Absences above that number–due to illness or otherwise–will likely result in immediate termination” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

At first, I was shocked when I read the five days figure, but then I remembered this what the 1930/40s, so I thought it might have been normal at the time. I decided to look into it and was shocked. It was not normal at the time.

Even back in 1940, you were given 7-14 days off on average, quote from a labor review from 1940,

“the majority of these workers receive a maximum of 1 week’s vacation with pay after 1 year’s service within the company. [...] provide a 2-week maximum for all or a part of a working force” (Vacations with pay in union agreements, - JSTOR. (n.d.).).

The craziest part of the Joey Drew Studios’ employee leave, is that they actually do NOT get paid leave. Joey states this on page 188 of the employee handbook,

“in some animation studios we will not name, employees are given paid vacation time, and while that all sounds fine and dandy, we must ask: Why, in Bendy’s good name, would anyone need to take a vacation from their job unless they hated it?” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

I didn’t even add the italics for emphasis on that quote. They’re actually in the book. Joey hated the idea of spending money for employees to take paid vacations that he just had to show his disgust for it in a book for new hires.

In fact, you don’t actually get access to vacation time until you’ve worked at the company for multiple years, page 189 of the employee handbook,

“once your company loyalty is proven with five years of continuous service, Joey Drew Studios is thrilled to offer five days of unpaid vacation time, with which we hope you’ll take your family on a wholesome, well-earned trip to our Bendyland amusement park when it’s complete” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

This is also only available once you’ve “built up this trust with the company” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

10. Permission required for major decisions - Employees were told there were no financial struggles with the studio when there were. They were told not to question the leader and just do whatever they did (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

11. Rewards and punishments used to modify behaviors, both positive and negative - Joey took Susie to lunch, paid for it, and called her by her preferred name (the character she voices). She’s intoxicated with him and loves being called Alice. It makes her believe she is Alice (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). Joey has a reward system mentioned on page 190 of the employee handbook,

“employee of the month

This is a new initiative that we’ll be starting soon: Employee of the Month. How it works is simple. Joey Drew was the first employee, so he’ll be the first employee of the month. If anyone is better than him, they get to be employee of the month. So far no one’s usurped Joey…but maybe that will change with you” (Staff, S. I. (2019).). I’d also like to point out that Joey is using the system to make employees act differently.

12. Discourage individualism, encourage group-think - Employees were told there were no financial difficulties with the studio when there were. They were told not to question the leader and just do whatever it was they did (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). The motto for the studio is “work hard work happy” (" Travaille Dur, Travaille heureux ": Bendy y la máquina de tinta, Bendy y Boris, imagenes de videojuegos. Pinterest. (2017, October 8).) This encourages long hours, as we see with Sammy (YouTube. (2019).). This can make employees feel like a family. Joey even refers to the characters and employees as family quote from page 129 of the employee handbook,

“as the creator of Bendy, Boris the Wolf, and Alice Angel, Mister Drew views these characters and his employees as his family, and he always makes time for family” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

Then he also calls Thomas family in the description of what his job is, page 179,

“while Thomas isn’t strictly an employee of the studio, he is like family to us” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

He even refers to the administration department as home, quote from page 181 of the employee handbook,

“this sprawling layout is designed to house the nearly seventy employees who call Administration home” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

Then has new hires call the other employees family, page 185 of the employee handbook,

“take a minute to say hello to your new teammates as they welcome you to the Joey Drew family” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

This concept of the studio being “family” is once again repeated in the book, page 190, 

“holiday bonuses

The holidays are time for family…and when you’re here, you’re part of Joey’s family. To thank you for all your hard work, we are pleased to reward our employees the opportunity to earn overtime by working Christmas, so you can celebrate our work with the ones you love most–Bendy, Boris the Wolf, and Alice Angel” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

13. Impose rigid rules and regulations - He expected people to do as they were told, don’t question, work long hours, and complete questionable behavior  (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).  According to the employee handbook, you only get one bathroom break a day, page 170,

“restroom: To your left you will find the restrooms. This is important to note, as you’ll be spending a lot of time in the Animation Department and will need to use the toilet probably no more than once a day” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

14. Punish disobedience by beating, torture, burning, cutting, rape, or tattooing/branding - Page 120 of the employee handbook,

“Several animators’ confided that they hadn’t seen their families in weeks, after being threatened with disciplinary action and termination if they were unable to finish animations on exceedingly tight schedules” (Staff, S. I. (2019).). Joey threatened the safety of employees if they didn’t get work done.

15. Threaten harm to family and friends -  Page 120 of the employee handbook,

“several animators’ confided that they hadn’t seen their families in weeks after being threatened with disciplinary action and termination” after being threatened with disciplinary action and termination” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

16. Force individual to rape or be raped - There is no proof of this.

17. Encourage and engage in corporal punishment - Page 120 of the employee handbook,

“music director Sammy Lawrence seemed unfazed by the claims. “Joey runs a pretty tight ship. Some people can’t take it, and that’s fine. This industry is all about survival of the fittest. We don’t need a bunch of useless sheep who can’t finish their work on time” (Staff, S. I. (2019).). It seems to me that Joey was teaching Sammy or manipulating him into hurting other employees.

18. Instill dependency and obedience - Joey tells them not to question him (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). Bertrum says that Joey might pay him but does not own him. It almost feels like the subject has come up, as he is very aggressive about it (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). Employees mention money a lot (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

A quote from the “Bendy Goes Bankrupt” article,

“another man, who also wished to remain nameless, gave a public rebuttal of Mr. Drew’s ‘just a pencil and a dream’ philosophy: “Mr. Drew, the pencil can be erased; mistakes removed and revisions made to suit the changing landscape of your world. But ink. Ink stains forever. Ink creates truths that cannot be erased or altered. Ink is permanent…just like the effect you’ve had on everyone around you and your studio. Mr. Drew, your world is NOT a world of graphite, but of INK” (The archive. Joey Drew Studios. (n.d.).).

Even though this employee spoke out about Joey, they stayed, despite knowing it was the worst thing to do. Joey was able to instill such dependency in his employees that they would constantly speak out about him but never left.

There’s also a section in The Illusion of Living where Joey praises Henry for being obedient to the reader, page 175,

“we looked at each other and it was in that moment I knew that Henry had a part to play. That he was in. He was all in. A shared vision. It was, after all, what I’d been looking for in a teammate.

“You want a job?” I asked.

“I want to be your partner.”

“Partner.”

“Yeah. At Joey Drew Studios.”

That suggestion gave me pause. You have to understand that when you’ve lived with an idea that has belonged to just you for so long, it’s hard to imagine sharing it. But this evening had shown me how valuable others could be. How an idea of mine could be realized through the efforts of others. Henry’s keenness, the work he’d put in even before I’d opened the door to him. His own cartoons on that factory wall. His animation skills. Didn’t hurt that he didn’t want to change the name of the studio even as a partner. That showed respect” (Kress, A. (2021).). Henry created the Bendy character, yet Joey felt he didn’t even deserve to have his name in the company title. Then praises him for being so obedient and not wanting to change Joey’s mind about the name. Even if you agree with Joey that the studio name shouldn’t have been changed, I’m sure you can admit that his praising Henry to the reader is very bizarre and controlling.

He seems to be able to instill obedience in anyone, even if it’s just minor obedience, page 54 of The Illusion of Living,

“I have always considered myself a humble man, in fact many have praised this quality in me. It’s true that despite my success and fame, I remain constant to my values as a person” (Kress, A. (2021).).

This also happens with Abby, page 68, “she nodded this time. I liked when she agreed” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Joey seems determined to have control over everyone for whatever reason he wants at the time, quote from page 92,

“even though I knew the piece was a lovely little work of remarkable talent, I have to admit that the outside validation definitely solidified this next step on the path to my greatness. I knew now I was not only a natural storyteller but understood perfectly in the moment what to do to entertain an audience, how to make them react exactly as I wanted them to. I had complete control and it was clear, I had to tell stories then, there was no question. That was the way I was going to share my Illusion of Living with the world” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Even Lottie seems to be completely obedient to him even while she’s an ocean away, quote from page 37 of The Illusion of Living, 

“I knew my letters were of great comfort because she told me often and praised my ability to turn a phrase” (Kress, A. (2021).).

19. Kidnapping - There is no proof of this.

20. Beating  There is no proof of this one.

21. Torture - Joey puts people through the ink machine. He even records himself killing Grant (Indiscernible. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).).

22. Rape - There is no proof, but I think it still needs to be discussed. Susie seems infatuated with Joey. Due to their employee arrangement, Joey shouldn’t be sleeping with her. They aren’t just working together; he is her boss in a small company. This would be taking advantage of her. While there is no proof they were together at any time, I can see him doing this to keep control.

23. Separation of Families - Henry was separated from his romantic partner (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

24. Imprisonment - Many people are locked inside that studio and can never get out (Joey Drew Studios. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).).

25. Murder -  Joey murdered many people. He recorded himself killing Grant (Indiscernible. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).). He even brings Sammy into it by corrupting him (Sammy Lawrence. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).).

1. Deception:

 a. Deliberately withhold information -  Tells the people not to worry and trust the leader. He talks about destiny and the bigger picture (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

b. Distort information to make it more acceptable - He tells people they can do anything if they dream. The tape keeps running, and he doesn’t realize it’s still on. He calls what he is saying “trash” and “slop,” and he says people “eat it up” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

c. Systematically lie to the cult member - He lies when he is distorting the information. He’s looking for the best way to put the information, so people will eat it up (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

Quote from page 70 of The Illusion of Living,

“Heck even in those rare occasions when people would say that Henry created Bendy, Boris, or Alice because they had met him once and he’d spoken about the creation process with them, I was happy to let people think it. A man who is secure with himself doesn’t need to set things right. He just lives his life knowing the truth.

That being said, I did invent all the cartoon characters at the studio. That goes without saying. They are mine, my inspiration, based on my life experiences. Anyone who says anything differently is lying or has been lied to” (Kress, A. (2021).).

There are a lot of lies in these two paragraphs, but I want to get the funny part out of the way first. Joey states that secure people don’t have to prove themselves, then tries to prove himself. It almost seems like Joey isn’t confident in himself. I want to tackle the elephant in the room next. Who created the three characters Joet lists here, Bendy, Boris, and Alice?

Let’s start with Bendy.

Something I find interesting is that Joey cuts Abby out of Bendy’s origin story. It’s not just Joey who does this. I’ve seen people who’ve read The Illusion of Living purposely cut Abby and, in widespread cases, cut Henry out as well. It seems even real people have managed to fall for Joey’s lies, deception, and manipulation.

Quote from page 166,

“so…” she said, slowly finding the idea intriguing, I could tell, “like a small boy playing pranks” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Abby came up with the idea of Bendy, before he was even Bendy, before the night with Henry, that he should play pranks. Playing pranks on people is a staple of Bendy’s character in the shorts. One could even argue that it’s his “main job” in the shorts.

Henry came up with the design for Bendy, pages 171-173,

“no, what I saw in front of me was a cartoon character that had the slightest beginnings of Bendy. He still looked like a real boy but now was a proper cartoon. His clothes had been made minimalist. His face was rounder, his nose didn’t exist anymore, and he had those typical black cartoon eyes that were especially popular back then. [...] Henry sat still for a moment, the pencil hovering over the paper. He was deep in thought, or so I hoped. “Ah!” he suddenly said to himself and started sketching again.

This was the first glimpse I had of something like Bendy. It wasn’t Bendy, not yet, but the body was almost there. The shape was right, but he was wearing a shirt and shorts, as well as a pair of boots. [...] The shape of the body had taken form, it was starting to look right. His face was all wrong though, still very goatlike and with a small beard. He still needed to look young, that little devilish boy that hadn’t worked still had to be there somewhere. He wasn’t a boy though, and he wasn’t a goat. He was something fantastical, a little devil.

“His face doesn’t need to look real,” I said then.

“More like a shape maybe?” asked Henry. I didn’t understand what he meant, everything obviously was made up of shapes.

“What do you mean?”

Henry started to sketch as he spoke, I had inspired him somehow. Seeing his pencil fly so fast was truly exhilarating. He explained: “It needs to be a circle, but with horns. They should be black like his body, but his face should be white so we can see his expressions. Those classic cartoon eyes. No nose. A big toothy grin”” (Kress, A. (2021).).

The creator of Boris is a bit more speculative, but I believe it was Henry, as this audio log states,

“I’ve got a new character I think people are going to love” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).Then the short Sheep Songs is produced, and Boris is introduced in it, in 1929, during the year that Henry was working there (Staff, S. I. (2019).). That heavily implies that Henry created Boris, to me, at least. The only character he mentions he created on his own would be Alice, as she was introduced in either 1932 or 1933. I say either year because there’s a discrepancy in what year Alice was introduced. Susie recorded an audio log on August 2nd, 1932, where she states, “Sammy, our…our music director…was also telling me they’re working on a new character upstairs. Might require a female touch” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

Then, two months later records another one stating, 

“It may only be my second month working for Joey Drew, but I can already tell I'm going to love it here! People really seem to enjoy my Alice Angel voice” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). This would mean that by October of 1932, Susie was already voicing Alice. This doesn’t make sense, though, as Sent From Above, the short Alice debuted in, was released on September 12th, 1933. 

Quote from pages 54-55 of the employee handbook, 

“The Erie Daily Times

12 September 1933

Joey Drew Studios Debuts Alice Angel

New York, NY–Joining the ranks of beloved cartoon characters Bendy and Boris the Wolf is Alice Angel, the newest character at Joey Drew Studios. [...] She will be voiced by actress Susie Campbell” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

The soon-to-be-released novel, Sent From Above, appears from its cover and description to be about Alice Angel and is going to be set in

“the summer of 1932 in New York City, and word on the street is that Joey Drew Studios is planning something BIG: A new cartoon character to star alongside the world-famous Bendy!

The new addition, Alice Angel, has the halo and sweet disposition to match her name” (Sent from above (novel). Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).). While the date is confusing, Alice appears to be one of Joey’s creations.

Sammy had a bit to do with Alice being created, a quote from page 193 of The Illusion of Living,

“”you need a girl,” said Sammy.

“We have plans,” I replied. We did; we didn’t know exactly what we were going to do at that point, or what she would look like, but we had plans” (Kress, A. (2021).).

It seems to me that maybe Joey made plans to create Alice go faster because of Sammy or that he was at the very least involved with the creative process, as Susie states in an audio log,

“Sammy, our…our music director…was also telling me they’re working on a new character upstairs” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

In a different section of the book, Joey thinks this when talking to the detective Adam Sinclair, page 109,

“so I lied. I’m not one who enjoys lying, I’ve always been an honest, direct kind of fellow. I believe a man should stand by his word. But I also know that sometimes the ends do justify the means. And that sometimes a lie isn’t so bad if it’s for a good reason” (Kress, A. (2021).).

He also lies to the reader of the employee handbook, an in-universe book meant for new hires at the studio, page 30,

“if you belong to a department that has access to a closet, you can ask your manager for keys to it; otherwise most closets usually remain locked to deter thieves or inefficiency” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

This is a lie as we know that Joey wasn’t letting employees into the closets based on Wally’s audio log from Boris and the Dark Survival, 

“so here's where the weird starts. I was moppin' up some of Mr. Connor's spilled ink in that little room he calls a laboratory. He can call it a laboratory all he wants, but it used to be the employee coat closet. Anyway, there I was moppin'. But that puddle, I'm tellin' ya, it kept movin' this way and that way like it had the smarts or somethin'”  (YouTube. (2021, October 13).).

It’s not even just big things he’s lying about. He’ll lie about the smallest things. Quote from page 191 of the employee handbook, “we celebrate Bendy’s birthday (the day Bendy was created–there’s devil’s food cake!), Alice Angel’s birthday (angel food cake!), Boris’s birthday (bacon! Mm, salty), and, of course, Joey Drew’s birthday (everyone stays overtime to wish Joey a happy birthday!)” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

This is a direct lie, or maybe this quote from The Illusion of Living is a lie, quote from pages 182-183,

“not a birthday party for yours truly, I’ve never been one really to celebrate the passing of time in that way” (Kress, A. (2021).).It’s not like so many years have passed between the books for his opinion to change like that. Both books have Bendyland in them, meaning they were written post-1940.

He has even completely made up stories, told people they were stories beforehand, and the people still fell for them being real, quote from pages 37-41 of The Illusion of Living, “the next letter I sent her [referring to Lottie], after detailing the usual how I was and what was happening, I added a new paragraph: An incredible thing has happened. Lottie, I’ll admit I thought it was all a fun game for us, but you were actually right. ZW is a real person and is the girlfriend of my former boot compatriot. His name is not John, it’s James, which I think is pretty darn close to our guess. He came by the base to meet with his former colleagues, and I happened to be in the lab when he stopped by to say hi to Corporal Arch*. He’s been injured, just his leg, shrapnel in the calf, and so was sent home. He says he was lucky to have survived. We talked for a while, and I don’t know

*NateA: When I first read this I forgot, despite Joey saying as much, that this was fiction, and spent far too much time racking my brain over who this James was. Joey is so good with his storying that even when he tells you it’s not real, you can forget a moment later. what made him notice my boots but he did, and that’s when he saw the initials. “Zelda!” he said. Yes, Lottie. Zelda. Her name is indeed Zelda. What a guess! That one was yours, I believe. I must say I was speechless, and you know that doesn’t happen to me that often. We got to talking and though our version of the story was not correct (she and he are both children of tailors, that’s how they met), she is indeed his sweetheart. Well I just had to tell him about our fanciful tales, and he loved them so much. He told me he wanted me to tell you hello, and that he hopes you’re doing well, and that you should know how much the men in France appreciate everything you gals are doing for them. We have decided to become pen pals, so I’ll keep you posted. [...] For the first time I was on the tenterhooks waiting for her reply. Weeks passed to slowly, but sure enough, eventually an envelope came with her very recognizable handwriting. Joseph! How marvelous, I never would have thought it could be real. So many stories and dreams I had as a child have been dashed in view of what I see of the world now. This is so remarkable it restores my faith in humanity, and in hope. Please tell James (that is so close, you are completely correct) and Zelda (imagine, her name is truly Zelda!) hello from me!At that point I sighed such a sigh of relief. The make-believe had worked. But not just for Lottie–it had a fantastic effect on me too. Working in the lab, though fascinating, was also mind numbing, and getting to make up these stories, set my brain ablaze. I started composing letters from “James” supposedly, transcribed by another fellow lab trainee, Nathan Arch, to Lottie*. I sent them with my letters, and told her such stories: My return home was one of the best days of my life: my whole family waiting on the platform of the train station, Zelda standing there holding an English setter puppy in her arms. Quite quickly after that the two had to get married, so detailed a simple, beautiful wedding at a country church. There were flowers, and the bride had daisies in her hair. Daises! Oh, James, tell Zelda they are my absolute favorite type of flower! I, of course, knew that. Soon after, a pregnancy was announced, and though I didn’t think the war would continue long enough for a *NateA: I don’t have any recollection of doing this. baby to be born, sure enough, it did. And a little boy named Timothy entered into the lives of Zelda and James. [...] NateA: I have gone through every piece of correspondence Joey ever saved as part of my work preserving his memory and documenting his life, and I must confess I was looking forward to reading Lottie’s letters in person, having been moved to tears reading this part of the original manuscript thirty years ago. Unfortunately, I have not been able to find them. It is possible they were lost to time, and I do deep down hope that to be true. However, even if this story ends up being revealed to be one of Joey’s excellent fictions, I think it doesn’t really matter. Joey would, of course, call it another example of his illusion. I think the message in the story is meaningful regardless whether it really happened or not. And regardless if Lottie actually herself existed or not, she is a fine embodiment of the brave women who served our country in war” (Kress, A. (2021).).

2. Minimize or discourage access to non-cult sources of information, including:

 a. Internet, TV, radio, books, articles, newspapers, magazines, media - Joey wrote his own book. The studio is covered in copies

(YouTube. (2022, April 3).) One copy is placed in the “6 ritual items” he had employees pick out of their own things (Staff, S. I. (2019).).  

b. Critical information - Only tells people what they need to know (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).  

c. Former members - When Henry left, all communication was cut off for decades

(YouTube. (2022, April 3).)

 d. Keep members busy so they don’t have time to think and investigate - Everyone is expected to work long hours (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

e. Control through cell phone with texting, calls, internet tracking - Weren’t around at the time.

3. Compartmentalize information into Outsider vs. Insider doctrine:

 a. Ensure that information is not freely accessible - Joey is open about keeping certain information from his employees (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

b. Control information at different levels and missions within group - Cohen knows about the IRS fraud Joey is committing (Grant Cohen. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).). Thomas runs the ink machine (Thomas Connor. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).). Wally doesn’t seem to know anything, but he is suspicious (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). Dale Little complains about Gent’s security around the studio, adding new codes to doors, but not telling why, despite him having to memorize the code, and according to the way he talks, would get in serious trouble if the codes got out (YouTube. (2022, November 18).).

c. Allow only leadership to decide who needs to know what and when - Joey says to “trust your leader” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

4. Encourage spying on other members: a. Impose a buddy system to monitor and control member - Many of them work in pairs. Bertrum & Lacie (Staff, S. I. (2019).). Wally & Thomas (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). Buddy & Dot (Dreams come to life. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).). Sammy & Jack (Kress, A. (2021).). 

b. Report deviant thoughts, feelings and actions to leadership - Norman thinks about telling Joey about Sammy's unusual behavior (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). 

c. Ensure that individual behavior is monitored by group - Everyone keeps an eye on everyone. It’s a small group. Norman is spying on everyone (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). Grace Conway mentions in her audio log about spying on people from the shadow. What’s interesting here is that she mentions Norman by name, “as old Norman would often say, “people really become themselves when they’re hidden in shadow,” that creepy guy always had a story to tell about this place. But I think I've found a few narrow passages even he didn't know about” (Dark places. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).). (YouTube. (2022, November 18).). This is very interesting, as it implies, at least to me, that Norman was teaching her how to spy on people and about the hidden passages that are in the studio.

5. Extensive use of cult-generated information and propaganda, including:

 a. Newsletters, magazines, journals, audiotapes, videotapes, YouTube, movies and other media - The studio is covered in audiotapes (Audio Log. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).). The Bendy cartoons are most of their life, and Joey wrote a book (Kress, A. (2021).).

b. Misquoting statements or using them out of context from non-cult sources - Quote from pages 63-65 of The Illusion of Living,

““‘I think therefore I am,’ sure why not?” I said to Arch once. I was a little bored in the lab and was thinking about one of those texts that I thought deeply silly. Arch for his part was bent over a telegraph sounder, replacing the return spring. His nose was so close to the device it was almost touching it. “You do what?” he asked, not looking up.

“This fellow named Descartes writes a whole book and in the end it’s just ‘I think therefore I am.’”I sat back up and stretched my neck out. “What does that even mean?”

“Read the book,” I replied. Then I laughed when he finally looked up and gave me that classic annoyed Arch look. “It means that because I can think I know I exist.”

Arch stared at me for a moment, furrowing his eyebrows. He already had deep thought lines in his forehead. Even at this young an age, this was a man who contemplated everything. “But…I exist.”

“You do.”

“I mean…I know I exist.”

“But what if you don’t?” I said. I wasn’t that interested in a lesson, but I did always end up being everyone’s teacher. “But I do,” he repeated, looking even more perplexed. “How do you know you do?” Arch somehow managed to furrow his eyebrows and open his eyes wide at the same time. He was pained, I could tell. I stifled a laugh. He held up his hand. “This is my hand, I can see it, my other hand doesn’t go through it like it’s a ghost hand or anything.” He took the time to double-check this and clasped his hands together. “I’m here.”

I nodded.

“And you can see me and you are talking to me,” he added. “So I am here.”

I nodded again. “Am I here?”

Arch leaned back in amazement. “I…yes, of course you are. I can see you.”

“Maybe I’m not here, maybe your hand isn’t here, maybe everything is a manifestation.” This was the silliness I was talking about with these great philosophers. Seemed more to me like a parlor trick than anything profound. Though there was, I had to confess, some fun to be had with all this. “But I have to be here in some way. I have to exist in some way.” He definitely was sounding less sure of himself. Poor Arch, old chum.

“Why?” He was getting there, and I was having fun. “Because at the least, the part of me that can ask the question if I’m here or not exists because I am asking the question.”

“So…” I turned my hand outward, leading him to the conclusion. “I…think therefore I am?” he asked slowly. I shrugged. “Yup.”

Arch laughed to himself and shook his head. He turned back to his work for a moment, then looked up at me again. “You really believe that?”

“I don’t know; I don’t really care about it,” I replied.

“Then what was the point of this whole conversation?”

“For the fun of it.”” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Nathan has left the following on the bottom of page 65,

“I have no memory of this conversation, and I think it’s likely this happened with one of the other chaps in the lab” (Kress, A. (2021).). We can’t believe Nathan here, as we’ve proven he’s lied before about things Joey has said before, so he’s been proven to be an unreliable narrator.

In an audio tape, most likely meant for employees of the studio, Joey says,

“it’s been said that dreaming can make it so! And my friends! It has! 1931 is going to be an amazing year at Joey Drew Studios” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

6. Unethical use of confession:

 a.  Information about sins used to disrupt and/or dissolve identity boundaries - Susie wants to be the perfect Alice Angel. In her mind, Alice is entirely perfect. Joey reinforces her delusion by calling her Alice and turning her into Alice (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). He even keeps her locked in a room (Twisted alice. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).). I bring up the fact that she was locked in a room, as that’s a very common thing cult leaders will do to members to have them repent for their sins.

 b. Withholding forgiveness or absolution - Joey encourages Susie’s need for perfection to be the perfect Alice. He even told her she was perfect for the role (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). And even after being turned into Alice, she kept killed Boris’ and had the corpses laid out in a maze to try and achieve perfection (Bendy and the ink machine: Chapter 3 - Rise and Fall. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).). Even though it isn’t spoken about, it seems like Susie isn’t just doing this for herself but also Joey. 

 c. Manipulation of memory, possible false memories - When Sammy sees Henry, he doesn’t know who he is. He starts to recognize Henry for a split second but quickly snaps out of it. Instead, he is more interested in appeasing Bendy (YouTube. (2018, May 1).).

1. Require members to internalize the group’s doctrine as truth:

 a. Adopting the group’s ‘map of reality’ as reality - Susie starts to identify as Alice Angel. Joey accepts and encourages it (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). He puts people through the machine to become these creations (Ink machine. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).). He also tells everyone in the office not to question his actions (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). He doesn’t even believe in what he is preaching. He is caught calling it “trash” and “slop.” He wants the word “dreaming” to be used more (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). Also, it feels like he wants them more focused on a dream world than reality. 

 b. Instill black and white thinking - Joey doesn’t like criticism. He doesn’t like people questioning him. He is always on about the “big picture.” Don’t think about those things. Everything is normal. He doesn’t want people to question odd stuff in the office (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

 c. Decide between good vs. evil - No proof of this.

 d. Organize people into us vs. them (insiders vs. outsiders) - Joey says someone in the office is spreading a lie that the studio is not doing financially well. He calls it a slanderous lie against “us.” Speaking as “us” being the studio (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).This also instills fear of a traitor being in the group's mist, someone who doesn’t trust them.

2. Change person’s name and identity - Joey allowed and encouraged Susie to take on the identity of Alice Angel. He calls Susie that before she uses the name (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). He calls Bertrum by a nickname he doesn’t like (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). This is odd behavior for Joey because he is sensitive about people calling him Joesph instead of Joey (Kress, A. (2021).). You’d think someone with that issue would be sensitive to others and this topic. It’s almost like he’s doing it on purpose. 

3. Use of loaded language and clichés which constrict knowledge, stop critical thoughts and reduce complexities into platitudinous buzz words - Joey is doing this by saying “dreaming” over and over. He even admits it is, saying people eat that stuff up (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). Quote from page 170 of the employee handbook,

“personally, we recommend decorating your workspace with a favorite motivational quote. Mister Drew’s is “Dreaming! Dreaming! Dreaming” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

Also, a quote from pages 9-10 of The Illusion of Living,

“or as I like to say, “Dreams come true.” Ha! If you work for me at my now world-famous animation studio, Joey Drew Studios, you will have heard me say that more then once. I hope you don’t mind me repeating it. It isn’t some pat phrase to inspire people or remind my employees what they are working for. It’s reality. It’s real. Your dreams can come true” (Kress, A. (2021).).

He once again repeats the dreams motif in the employee handbook, page 194,

“Dreams, dreams, dreams” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

Then again on the final page,

“and if you ever feel lost, just remember:

Dreams. Come. True” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

4. Encourage only ‘good and proper’ thoughts - He tells people not to listen to any rumors they hear about the financial status of the company. Instead, he tells them to “trust their leader” and just do whatever it is they do (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

5. Hypnotic techniques are used to alter mental states, undermine critical thinking and even to age regress the member - Joey calls Bertrum Bertie and Bert, names he doesn’t like.

Quote from page 209 of The Illusion of Living,

“”Come on Bert…”

“Bertrum,” he said with a wet clearing of his throat” (Kress, A. (2021).). Bertrum even says “Joey Drew introduces me, the great Bertrum Piedmont, as Bertie! Like I was his child” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). Bertrum is at least 20 years older than Joey (Timeline. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).).

Joey just wasn’t calling Bertrum Bertie in front of investors, he also referred to him as Bertie in newspaper interviews, page 91 of the employee handbook,

“”I was thrilled to hire Bertrum Piedmont for this task, or Bertie, as I like to call to him”” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

He even has Bertrum referred to as Bertie in the description of Lacie’s job in the employee handbook, page 179,

“Lacie works alongside Special Projects director Bertie Piedmont to help bring the Bendyland dream to life” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

Joey also takes on a more parental role to other people, page 59,

“she [referring to Abby] might have introduced me to art, but I introduced her to so many new books and ideas that I always felt a bit like a mentor to her. Still do” (Kress, A. (2021).).

6. Memories are manipulated and false memories are created - Sammy forgets who Henry is (YouTube. (2018, May 1).).

7. Teaching thought-stopping techniques which shut down reality testing by stopping negative thoughts and allowing only positive thoughts, including:

a. Denial, rationalization, justification, wishful thinking - Joey has destroyed Sammy to the point where he worships Bendy and is willing to kill for him (YouTube. (2018, May 1).).

b. Chanting - Repeats phrases (Sammy (monster). Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).).

c. Meditating - Doesn’t seem to apply.

d. Praying - Sammy starts praying to bendy, saying amen when talking about Bendy (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

e. Speaking in tongues - Doesn't seem to apply

f. Singing or humming -  Joey doesn’t, but Sammy does (Sammy (monster). Bendy Wiki. (n.d.).).

8. Rejection of rational analysis, critical thinking, constructive criticism - Joey tells people not to ask questions (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). He doesn’t take criticism well but picks apart what other people do. For example, Bertrum complains about him constantly making notes on his drawings while initially saying he believed in his “eye” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

9. Forbid critical questions about leader, doctrine, or policy allowed - Joey tells his employees not to question their leader and just do whatever they do (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

10. Labeling alternative belief systems as illegitimate, evil, or not useful - Joey says that people spreading rumors that the studio isn’t doing well are spreading “slanderous lies” about them (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

11. Instill new “map of reality” - He wants to make his creations real and is willing to use the people who work in the studio to do it. He makes Susie want to be Alice Angel (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

1. Manipulate and narrow the range of feelings – some emotions and/or needs are deemed as evil, wrong or selfish - Work hard. Work happy (" Travaille Dur, Travaille heureux ": Bendy y la máquina de tinta, Bendy y Boris, imagenes de videojuegos. Pinterest. (2017, October 8).).

According to the employee handbook, page 183,

“poor attitudes, negativity, and gossip distract from our sacred mission to bring joy to the children of the world. Termination will be considered if such behavior becomes prevalent in your work, so be sure to put on a smile at all times” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

Quote from page 84 of The Illusion of Living,

“I had known they were going to laugh and they did. How wonderful having such control! How easy for someone like me” (Kress, A. (2021).). Joey here is praising himself for manipulating, in a way, the audience to laugh and be happy.

2. Teach emotion-stopping techniques to block feelings of homesickness, anger, doubt - Joey encourages people to work hard, focus on their jobs, and not question them (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

3. Make the person feel that problems are always their own fault, never the leader’s or the group’s fault - Thomas’ is blamed entirely for Bendy coming out the way he did (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

4. Promote feelings of guilt or unworthiness, such as:

a. Identity guilt - Joey is pushing Susie to be Alice. While she does love her role already, he is feeding it by calling her Alice (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). He also told her how perfect she was for the role (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

b. You are not living up to your potential - Joey is always picking apart Bertrum’s ideas and drawings. When Joey first met him, he told him he had perfect ideas. It seemed like Joey had a lot of confidence in him. And that maybe Bertrum isn’t living up to what Joey thought he would be (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

c. Your family is deficient - No proof of this

d. Your past is suspect - No proof of this.

e. Your affiliations are unwise - No proof of this.

f. Your thoughts, feelings, actions are irrelevant or selfish - Sammy is a bit pushy and demanding according to the tapes we hear (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). However, when we meet him as Henry, he is more humbled and seems only interested in pleasing Bendy. Something has changed (YouTube. (2018, May 1).).

g. Social guilt - No proof of this.

h. Historical guilt -No proof of this.

5. Instill fear, such as fear of:

a. Thinking independently - When Sammy sees us as Henry, he starts to recognize him. Then he quickly snaps it out of it. He seemed focused on making Bendy happy (YouTube. (2018, May 1).). Joey tells his employees to listen to and trust him (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

b. The outside world - No proof of this.

c. Enemies - No proof of this.

d. Losing one’s salvation - Susie is obsessed with being perfect, especially the perfect Alice Angel. This is her version of salvation (YouTube. (2017, October 13).).

e. Leaving or being shunned by the group - Susie feels like it's the end of the world when she is replaced. She doesn’t feel like she is just losing a job or position. Instead, it feels like her family, or some other group is rejecting her (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).She was using the name Alice and seemed devoted to not just playing the character but becoming the character(YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

f. Other’s disapproval - Bertrum is obsessed with approval. All he wants to do is impress those around him. Joey Drew often sends his drawings back with tons of corrections (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).This doesn’t just upset Bertrum; it almost destroys him. Bertrum doesn’t want to be forgotten. He claims he won’t allow anyone, including Joey, to forget him (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

g.  Historical guilt - Does not seem to apply.

6. Extremes of emotional highs and lows – love bombing and praise one moment and then declaring you are horrible sinner - He lures people in with the promise that they are perfect for the role he needs them for. Then when he has them, he often degrades or even replaces them. He does this with Susie. He makes her believe she is the perfect person for the role of Alice. She even becomes obsessed with the part (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). Only to replace her with someone else. Breaking her heart and mind (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

He hyped Susie up so much that he even threw her a party to celebrate her voicing Alice Angel, page 33 of the employee handbook,

“I’m excited to reveal that Joey Drew Studios will be embarking on a new initiative that’s sure to take our studio straight to the top!

All staff and talent are asked to gather in the main lobby at 4:30 PM this Friday to meet Alice Angel, the newest friend of Bendy and Boris the Wolf. Refreshments will be served, along with the chance to meet the voice of Alice herself, Susie Campbell. Don’t be late” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

The lunch he took her out to, appears to be a “welcome to the studio” lunch, quote from page 63 of the employee handbook,

“Joe’s Fine Dining

555 Christopher Street, New York, NY

For the finest quality at reasonable prices, Joe’s Fine Dining cannot be beat!

NO REFUNDS ACCEPTED

--------------------------------------

2 Bacon Soup

1 Linguini Alfredo

1 Filet Mignon

1 Iced Tea

1 Lemonade

1 Strawberry Cheesecake

Welcome lunch for Susie Campbell. Quite the charmer” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

Susie didn’t even know she was replaced until she went to the recording booth to do her lines for Alice,

““when I walked into the recording booth today, Sammy was there with that…Allison.

Apparently, I didn’t get the memo. Alice Angel will now be voiced by Miss Allison Pendle”” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

The memo Susie is referring to is one found in the employee handbook page 58,

“from: Joey Drew

To: All Staff

Please give a warm welcome to Allison Pendle, Joey Drew Studios’ newest employee. Allison is a talented voice actress with lots of dreams. In her spare time, she loves to cook and invent recipes. I know that as soon as you meet her, you’ll be taken with her beautiful voice and charm. She’s so interesting, so… different. I have to say, I’m an instant fan.

Effective immediately, Allison will be the new voice of Alice Angel. We believe this restructure in voice talent will lead to a more cohesive character list–and more success for our dreams.

Allison will meet with Sammy Lawrence after lunch to discuss rerecording Alice Angel’s dialogue. Then I will bring her around to meet everyone.

Distribute immediately to all employees except for Susie Campbell” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

He even passive-aggressively degrades her, or maybe even Allison, as you’ll read in a second, voicing Alice Angel, page 171,

“He [referring to Bendy] can be seen in all of our greatest animated shorts” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

Then earlier in the book, page 130,

““Siren Serenade” was the first Alice Angel cartoon that did not feature any other Joey Drew cast members such as Bendy or Boris” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

Joey here degrades the voice actress for being in a short that didn’t include Bendy. I say it could either be Susie or Allison, as I can’t find a release date for Siren Serenade.

Joey has this to say about the woman he replaces Susie with, Allison Pendle, on page 229 of The Illusion of Living,

“we have such talent here at Joey Drew Studios, particularly the famous Broadway actress Allison Pendle. She’s a swell gal, and a looker to boot. She’s very talented and you wouldn’t believe the different kinds of voices she can do” (Kress, A. (2021).).

I find that interesting as this is the only mention of Allison I can find in the book, and doesn’t even list her voicing Alice Angel or any of the exact popular roles in the shorts she voices, just that she’s terrific at voicing characters. That itself is love bombing. Joey is putting her higher and higher above Susie. I also couldn’t find a single mention of Susie’s name in The Illusion of Living. It almost feels like Joey is attempting to erase Susie from the studio's history.

This is also done with Bertrum. He convinces him that he’s the perfect one to build his park. Only to pick apart his designs (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

He also love-bombed Bertrum with how popular the park would be, page 100 of the employee handbook shows a few Bendyland tickets, one of the tickets is number 5,298,660 (Staff, S. I. (2019).). Joey expected over 5 million people to go to this place.

 Joey states from his first meeting with Bertrum on page 208 of The Illusion of Living,

“what a wonderful fellow, Bert is! The brain on that man. [...] We talked about the old Coney Island, the multiple parks. The innovations he’d made, the fights he’d had with those in charge. It seems everyone has a vision, and no one likes to share. Such things are not a worry in my studio.”

Joey states on page 209, 

“the fact was I knew the truth, I knew it from the moment we’d shook hands, Bert was ready to work again. And he loved my idea” (Kress, A. (2021).). Joey isn’t just love-bombing about Bertrum to Bertrum himself. He’s now love-bombing about Bertrum to the reader. He’s also attempting to control Bertrum’s feelings about joining the project by love-bombing him. He even admits it by saying right after, 

“games. People always like to play games. I like to say a thing and do a thing. But I do know, after years of observation, that this is unusual. So I’ll play along, but I wish I didn’t have to” (Kress, A. (2021).). 

Then, on pages 209-210,

 “”Bertrum, you know, I know, the waiter knows. You want to do this. And you are the only man who could do this. I can flatter you more, but I can tell you’re not the type who falls for that sort of thing”” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Then states, 

“another tip for my readers: Always say the opposite of what a person is, it’s the ultimate praise. ”So let's just agree here, heck let’s go back to the studio and have you sign on the dotted line.”

“You promise me full creative control?”

“The only person you have to answer to is me. And I’m the one who understands your creative genius. So you have nothing to fear”” (Kress, A. (2021).). This is interesting as we know that Joey returned his drawings once Bertrum was hired, with changes on them (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). Despite what he says out loud to Bertrum here, this isn’t his true feelings at the time either, so it’s not like his thoughts changed during the process of designing Bendyland. As he writes on pages 208-209,

“(I’m not saying that Bert and I haven’t had the odd disagreement, but ultimately he knows that I am the boss.) [...] I attempted to explain a bit of the Illusion of Living to him then, but I could tell it was too complex a concept for him to grasp in the moment. And I didn’t need him to understand it profoundly. After all, I was steering this ship. [...] Abby and Sammy probably are the ones who best understand it and even then, it’s not to my level” (Kress, A. (2021).). It seems to me like Joey never planned on letting Bertrum have creative control in the slightest and just used it to lure him into his trap. He also compares Bertrum to Abby and Sammy, raising them higher than him.

In this conversation, he also made an interesting statement: "I’m the one who understands your creative genius” (Kress, A. (2021).). That implies that no one but Joey understands Bertrum, and it is just another way he’s trapping Bertrum into working for him. If he goes to anyone else, they won’t understand him like Joey will, or at least that’s what Joey wants to convince Bertrum of.

There seems to be a part of Bertrum. Even if it’s just his subconscious that knows Joey’s manipulating him, as on page 210, ““Well, darn it, you’ve got me, Joey, you’ve got me”” (Kress, A. (2021).). Bertrum knows deep down what Joey is doing, but he can’t say no to him.

Joey says on page 210, “I’ll be honest and say the man wasn’t wholly sold on my straightforward aesthetic. The concept of a square was too “pedestrian” as he called it. This was a man who didn’t see the value in simplicity, the beauty behind it. You need to set people at ease, make them understand where they are, make them feel at home” (Kress, A. (2021).). I find this quite interesting because this need to make people “feel at home” is what he’s trying to do to Bertrum. Make him feel like the studio is his home and that he can’t leave it. He also uses something that could be wonderful to manipulate Bertrum to stay.

He states on page 211 that “Bert was convinced of my layout plan; he eventually always realizes my ideas are best” (Kress, A. (2021).). When viewed with the previous quotes, it seems less like Bertrum realizing Joey’s ideas were better and more like he agreed to them out of fear of losing the only person he thought understood his creativity and was going to be out of a job if he didn’t agree.

Then says, “and to give the man some credit, he was the one who suggested changing the names of the individual worlds to a subset of “land.” In the end we wound up with our four parks within the park named thus: Light Land, Dark Land, Big Land, Tiny Land. So you see, I am perfectly amenable to excellent ideas” (Kress, A. (2021).). This is love-bombing as Joey is not only calling Bertrum’s ideas excellent but also because he amends to them. He’s giving Bertrum JUST enough control that he’s going to stay, but so little at the same that he constantly begs for more. 

This type of love bombing that Joey does with Bertrum is mirrored earlier in the book with Sammy Lawrence and Jack Fain. When Joey meets Sammy and Jack, he writes, on page 188, 

““I like what you do,” I said.

“Thank you, that’s awful swell of you,” replied Jack. He stretched out his hand. “Jack Fain, lyricist and wit.” I laughed as I shook his hand and he did too. Ol’ Jack always finds his own jokes the most entertaining. He might not tell the best ones, but there’s something about his laugh that’s contagious, so he always gets a good response.”

Then continued, on pages 189-190, 

“I glanced at him [referring to Jack] and saw a weary expression flit across his face before the brightness returned. It was the first inkling I had that there might be a bit of a strain between these two.

“Well I’ll get right to the point,” I said. “I need music. Good solid-quality original music. I produce the Bendy cartoons.” I waited for the appropriate reaction. Even after only two years, Bendy had made a mark on the scene. Jack was duly impressed, Sammy was unreadable. Typical Sammy. “I made a terrible mistake opening my studio and not having a real music director on board. I aim to solve that. I would be honored if you gents would be that solution.”

Jack looked thoughtful then and yet still wide-eyed and excited (he has no poker face, never did). Sammy was the one I was more interested in so I watched him closely” (Kress, A. (2021).). 

Joey here love-bombs Jack’s writing with lots of praise, then the same with Sammy’s ability to compose. He knows that if he says he’s “honored” to work with them, they’ll be more willing to stay when things go wrong. They’re “being honored” by Joey, after all. 

There’s a really interesting section before Joey first talks to Sammy and Jack, page 185

“”for those of you who don’t know me, I’m Jack Fain.” The man tipped his bowler in our direction. I understood now why he was still wearing it even indoors. His whole outfit was a kind of costume in a way. He wasn’t in a tux or a dinner jacket either. Instead he was in dark gray wool trousers with red suspenders, a white button-up shirt beneath an orange vest and brown bow tie. He fit the description of “a character” to a tee. Sammy Lawrence on the other hand was in a neat simple black evening suit and looked totally appropriate for an opening night party. Though I suppose his hair could have been slicked back a bit more, not quite so long and floppy as it was. As it still is” (Kress, A. (2021).).

I wanted to bring this up as he hasn’t even spoken to them yet in the book, but he’s already love-bombing Sammy and is putting him higher than Jack. As if he wanted to pin the two against each other. Also, while he is love-bombing Sammy here, he degrades and puts him down by saying, “though I suppose his hair could have been slicked back a bit more, not quite so long and floppy as it was. As it still is” (Kress, A. (2021).).

I also noticed that Joey says, “a real music director” he’s love-bombing Sammy right there. Already establishing that he IS a real music director without ever having stepped foot inside a studio. It’s clear Jack easily fell into this love-bombing trap, but it took just a slight nudge, the studio tour, to trap Sammy fully, pages 193-194, 

“Finally Sammy spoke up again. “I want full creative control over my department. I want to hire my own people. And if the pay isn’t good, I’m not signing the contract.”

Jack and I smiled at each other.

“Done and done,” I replied. Sammy didn’t say anything, we didn’t shake hands. He just stood up and left the room.

“Ol’ Sammy, a man who knows his own mind,” said Jack with a laugh. He extended his hand, so I shook his instead. “Just make sure the checks arrive on time and I’m good.”

They joined the studio two weeks later” (Kress, A. (2021).).

It also seems to me that the “real music director” comment from Joey is what led Sammy to put one foot in the trap and be willing to throw his entire body in blindly as a few before, page 187; this happens,

““Now that was a song,” I said as Sammy walked over in my direction. He stopped to look at me in that way of his. Always suspicious, always looking for something more. He was a couple years younger than me but seemed like a fellow who had lived several lifetimes already.

“You liked that?” asked Jack, joining us in a wave of energy and sweat. Close up I could see his brow was glistening and his breath was short. It was like he’d just run a race.

“I’d like to talk to you two,” I said, smiling as warmly as I could. I wanted them to know I was a friend. But of course Sammy just stared back at me.

“About what?” he asked curtly.

“Let’s step out onto the terrace so we don’t need to shout at each other over the noise,” I replied.

“Good idea, I could use some air,” said Jack, taking off his bowler hat and fanning himself with it.

Sammy reluctantly nodded” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Joey points out something very interesting here about Sammy, “he was a couple years younger than me but seemed like a fellow who had lived several lifetimes already.” I find this interesting because Joey is not only the boss in the relationship but also manipulating, love-bombing, degrading and putting down an employee, not just an employee. He’s doing it to an employee he knows and points out is YEARS younger than him. When accompanied by that age difference, in the real world, these traits would be a grooming and emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. Grooming isn’t just sexual. There are multiple different types of grooming. The sexual type just happens to be the most typical. You can groom someone to do just about anything. Once I realized what Joey was doing would be grooming, I was curious and looked up the stages of grooming. The amount of stages he did with Sammy is outright disturbing.

Stage 1: Targeting a Victim - Joey targeted Sammy the night of the dinner party in the book (Kress, A. (2021).).

Stage 2: Gaining Trust - Trust was gained when Joey called him a “real music director” and promised that he wouldn’t visit him unless they had a scheduled meeting (Kress, A. (2021).).

During this stage, the groomer is likely to do any of the following:

give small gifts

make promises

take special outings

provide individual attention

discuss personal life

share secrets

play games

provide access to cigarettes, drugs, or alcohol (What is sexual grooming? identifying the 6 stages. Lewis and Llewellyn. (2019, June 6).).

I would like to go over each point here individually.

I don’t have any proof that Joey gave out gifts to Sammy, but we do know that he took Susie to lunch, most likely as a “reward” or “gift,” so I wouldn’t put it past him (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

Joey constantly makes promises to Sammy. One is that he won’t visit music without scheduling a meeting beforehand because he understands that Sammy needs privacy to work (Kress, A. (2021).).

I don’t have proof of individual outings, but once again, he did take Susie out by herself, so it wouldn’t be shocking if he did the same with Sammy (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

Joey gives Sammy one-on-one meetings, in my opinion, that would fall under “provide individual attention,” not only that, but their meeting is also the first meeting Joey has every day, page 225,

“9:00 am.:The first of my daily meetings. This one is with Sammy. The man is punctual and brief. We always schedule a full fifteen minutes and he rarely takes more then five” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Joey openly discusses his personal life with Sammy once they get to talking at the dinner party, pages 188-189,

““Why do I know you? he asked then. He was looking at me carefully now. Not in the same suspicious manner. He was truly trying to figure out the answer to his question.

“I go to a lot of shows, I’m a man about town,” I replied.

He shook his head. “That’s not it.”

He leaned back on both elbows on the stone wall. Beneath him Fifth Avenue roared and certain death would come to anyone who toppled over the edge down onto it. The man definitely had confidence in that wall. I had a sudden urge to give him a shove. Not push him over, but just to see his reaction. This might sound strange, but I needed to see a human moment from him, I needed to see the man he was hiding from me. That’s the trouble when you’re interested in re-creating the illusion of the world. You want to see the truth of it as much as possible. “Joey Drew Studios,” he said again, mulling it over. “So like film?”

I nodded. “Sure, like that,” I replied. If he was going to be coy, I would match it. The best way to get people to trust you is to match and mimic their behavior.

“You like movies,” he said, nodding back. Was he imitating me now?

“I do.”

He snapped his fingers and tossed the cigarette over the side of the building. “I know you! You used to come to the Grand almost every day. Sat down near the front, always by yourself.”

I stared at him in shock, and that was when the memories came flooding back. The ones of him playing the piano along with the movies. That was him. That was the same fellow. I knew I knew him from somewhere! I knew my gut instinctively understood his genius.

“That was me, I remember you now. You are quite the talent,” I replied.

“I know,” he said” (Kress, A. (2021).).

This is strangely intimate, despite it being their first talk. Even Jack seems put off by it, page 189,

“well this is a fun memory lane to travel down, but since I’m not a part of this journey, I’d like to bring us back to the present and include me again,” said Jack. I glanced at him and saw a weary expression flit across his face before the brightness returned to it” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Joey has certain things known to a few employees, so it wouldn’t be shocking to me if Sammy were told a few of the secrets of the studio.

He is always playing games with his employees, mostly mind games. 

Sammy does smoke, and Joey doesn’t seem to have any problem with it, page 188,

“”and what’s a Joey Drew Studios?” asked Sammy, lighting a cigarette from the darkness by the stone wall at the edge of the terrace” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Joey is more concerned with Sammy’s tone at that moment, page 188 “yes, he said it in that dismissive tone. I didn’t understand why he needed to talk to me like that. I didn’t respect it” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Stage 3: Filling a Need

Quote from Lewis & Llewellyn LLP’s sexual abuse law firm website, 

“Offenders may prey on [a teen’s] insecurities by lavishing the victim with praise and emphasizing the “unique nature” of their “loving” and “exclusive” relationship” (What is sexual grooming? identifying the 6 stages. Lewis and Llewellyn. (2019, June 6).).

Joey is constantly praising Sammy.

Stage 4: Isolating the Person

Another quote from Lewis & Llewellyn LLP’s sexual abuse law firm website,

“The groomer works hard to separate the victim not just physically, but also emotionally, from their support network of others who may be watchful or helpful. At this stage, groomers often emphasize the special nature of the relationship and urge secrecy. They may accuse others of being “jealous,” “overprotective,” or seeking to “ruin what they’ve got.” Excuses for keeping interactions private are designed to make victims feel flattered and special“ (What is sexual grooming? identifying the 6 stages. Lewis and Llewellyn. (2019, June 6).).

First, Joey does isolate Sammy. He traps him in the music department when the ink overflows the music department (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). It also seems he was emotionally isolating Sammy, based on their interactions from The Illusion of Living (Kress, A. (2021).).

Joey does say this about those that leave the studio, page 182,

“they really will never get another opportunity quite as wonderful as working at the studio, that’s for sure” (Kress, A. (2021).).

He also constantly praises Sammy’s piano skills, page 189,

“”that was me, I remember you now. You are quite the talent,” I replied.

“I know,” he said” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Stage 5: Sexual Contact

There’s no proof of them ever having sexual contact, but I can see Joey doing this to control many of his employees.

Stage 6: Maintaining Control

The abuser may:

blame the victim:

use fear: 

threaten the victim:

increase violence: 

use sympathy: 

employ confusion:

I can’t find something direct that talks about Joey blaming Sammy for something, but we do know that Joey blames Thomas Connor entirely for things that he should take the blame for as well, so it wouldn’t be shocking if he also did this with Sammy (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

Joey uses fear as a common reason on how to get his employees to stay, page 182,

“they really will never get another opportunity quite as wonderful as working at the studio, that’s for sure” (Kress, A. (2021).).

While some might not consider this next part threatening/violent, I would, page 182,

“That’s why everyone at Joey Drew Studios is such a fan of Bendy and all our creations. If they aren’t, then they need to leave. Just like Henry Stein did” (Kress, A. (2021).).

I can’t find an example of him doing the last two to Sammy, but I wouldn’t be shocked if he did.

On page 194, Joey says that Sammy is one of his “greatest accomplishments” (Kress, A. (2021).). I find this very bizarre as he’s talking about Sammy as if he’s a show dog or something he’s bred or created. He also says he’d “never trade Sammy Lawrence for anything” (Kress, A. (2021).). This also feels like Sammy is just a pet or an object he can trade or discard when he gets bored of him. Then on the same page, he states, “his creativity is pure brilliance and he always chooses the best people. His musicians worship him, he’s almost a god to them” (Kress, A. (2021).). Joey here is love-bombing Sammy while also treating him like a pet or plaything. It’s his way of keeping Sammy at the studio. Treat him with so much love he doesn’t want to leave, but demean him at the time, so he feels like he can’t leave.

He does this on page 187,

“honestly, still don’t know to this day what makes him a grouch, but if being a grouch means beautiful music. I have no problem with that, I’ll tell you” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Grouch seems to be an understatement about the way Sammy was acting, quote from page 43 of the employee handbook,

“from: Sammy Lawrence

To: All Staff Regarding the Music Department

Musical instruments aren’t just for fun. We do serious work here at the Music Department. While I know it may be tempting, please refrain from playing musical instruments in our corridors.

Just last week I had to rerecord a song because someone was plucking a banjo just outside the recording studio. Whoever it was, please stop it. And please, everyone, stop making so much noise in general. No more loud shoes, whistling, humming, or gum chewing by the Music Department.

You have been warned” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

While I agree with the banjo part, asking people not to hum and whistle while in a MUSIC department, is a bit extreme.

Joey degrades and then praises Sammy within one sentence. At this point, I’m honestly amazed by how much love-bombing this man can do.

I also noticed this section on pages 181-182,

“good music really brings you into the moment, but badly done music, that just ruins the whole thing. So you better believe that for Joey Drew Studios I made sure to hire the best. Because you know what the best do? They don’t play along with prewritten sheet music to a silent movie. No. They improvise every time. They watch the film and play as they watch and feel the emotions run through their body and out their fingers onto the keys. They create art with the melody.

And boy oh boy, let me tell you, that’s what Sammy Lawrence does.

I wouldn’t say I was lucky to get him as part of my team, nor that I’m lucky he’s stayed with me all these years, though I’ve been told that in the past and I happily say,”Darn right I am!” when people say it. But, as I always say, luck had nothing to do with it. It was my research, my ability to understand and appreciate true talent, and of course, my vision that inspired others to want to work for me. After all, I can’t make anyone do anything, even as a boss; they have to want to. That’s why everyone at Joey Drew Studios is such a fan of Bendy and all our creations. If they aren’t, then they need to leave. Just like Henry Stein did. I never feel resentful on the rare occasion this happens, of course, I just feel sad. Not for me–I can always find more talent–but for them. They really will never get another opportunity quite as wonderful as working at the studio, that’s for sure” (Kress, A. (2021).).

There are quite a few contradictions in this statement and quite a lot of love-bombing. While most of the love bombing is directed towards Sammy, Joey is love bombing the other employees by saying “my vision that inspired others to want to work for me. After all, I can’t make anyone do anything, even as a boss; they have to want to. That’s why everyone at Joey Drew Studios is such a big fan of Bendy and all our creations” (Kress, A. (2021).).

The first contradiction I’d like to point out here is how Joey says, “but, as I always say, luck had nothing to do with it. It was my research, my ability to understand and appreciate true talent, and of course, my vision that inspired others to want to work for me” when talking about getting Sammy on board for the studio. (Kress, A. (2021).).

Joey didn’t go out looking for Sammy, page 182,

“I met Sammy Lawrence quite by accident, at a party” (Kress, A. (2021).).

I’d also like to point at Joey saying,

“that’s why everyone at Joey Drew Studios is such a fan of Bendy and all our creations. If they aren’t, then they need to leave. Just like Henry Stein did. I never feel resentful on the rare occasion this happens, of course” (Kress, A. (2021).).

This is very bizarre as we know that once Henry left, Joey cut off all contact (YouTube. (2022, April 3).). If anything, it appears that Joey was extremely resentful as in chapter five of Bendy and the Ink Machine, The Last Reel, Joey says this to Henry in his apartment,

“The truth is, you were always so good at pushing, old friend….pushing me to do the right thing. You should have pushed a little harder” (YouTube. (2022, April 3).).

There’s other parts of The Illusion of Living where Joey is clearly resentful of/about Henry, pages 176-177,

“Henry left for his own reasons, and the correspondence between us became less and less. To be honest, it was almost like a weight off when he left. He had grown more sensitive as the studio became more successful and giving him pep talks had become exhausting for me. All the good qualities he brought, the hard work and diligence, were being undermined by a restless need for something different. Something that wasn’t Bendy. I will never understand that drive. Bendy was and is perfection.

It’s fascinating. Henry was never the showman like I was. He didn’t tend to be easily remembered by those who met him when we did business. I was invariably the face of the company, the one introduced first at a gala, the one to whom people slipped their business cards. Yet in the end he ended up setting up camp in this small corner of my memory. I can’t deny that he is tied to the creation of Bendy, to the creation of the studio itself.

That one time, in one small apartment, one too warm evening, we had been partners.

He’ll always be there, in the dark recesses of my mind. Always linked to me in that way.

Funny how the forgettable man is now forever in my mind.

You can’t predict how these things will happen.

They just happen” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Also, page 172,

““sure thing,” said Henry. He pulled out a fresh paper and a pencil and sat himself on the ground opposite me. I did and always will appreciate his keenness to work, this was one of the reasons we became partners after all. There were several decent reasons I made the choice I did. Hard work is extremely important to me, and while his talent was never at genius level, I do truly think he might have made something of his life had he not given up after a year” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Then on pages 68-69,

“we spent the afternoon walking slowly around the rooms, looking at Manet, Degas, and Cezanne. “So many of my friends in the art world always say that I’m rebelling by loving the impressionists so much,” she said with a laugh.

“Really?”

“They are all modernists. They think they are rebellious. Then I have this one friend, Henry, who you’ll meet someday I’m sure, he jokes about it a lot.”

“Why?”

“Well, he likes to create comics characters, like in the papers. ‘How can a comics character be impressionistic?’ he says.”

I shook my head. I didn’t know this Henry at all at this point (she was right in that I did soon meet him because of her), but he clearly lacked imagination. And he certainly didn’t understand the concept of the Illusion of Living. Not that I had, at that time, devised the name of my philosophy, but even then I understood that to create something real, you had to take liberties. Like these artists.

“It’s so simple, how can he not understand?” I said with a sigh.

“He has a gut instinct about things, understanding isn’t always necessary.” I appreciated that she defended his honor in that way, a friend does that. At the same time, sometimes that kind of blind loyalty frustrated me. I always had issues with people who tried to insist that some other person with some mediocre skill was a gifted talent. That’s not to say that Henry didn’t have abilities, but some people are the workaday people. Not the creators, the inspired, the geniuses” (Kress, A. (2021).).

He continues to be resentful of Henry in the book, pages 154-157,

“I cannot talk of either the big idea or putting the right team together without talking about Henry Stein. Though his short-lived impact on Joey Drew Studios did not live up to expectations, I would not call my choice to partner with him in establishing the studio nor have him head up Creative as a mistake. Unlike my decision not to have a proper Music Department for a few years (which I will discuss anon), Henry never held us back. His presence was helpful, I can happily admit, but his absence was even more so. Not having him at the studio ended up being one of the best things that could have happened to it. Of course, the funny thing is, I couldn’t have not had him without having him in the first place. Just like you can’t appreciate the light if you haven’t spent time in the dark, so too does a person’s absence become clear only if he has been around. So even though his time at the studio was short, I do feel a need to talk about him now, and especially because he was there the night of Bendy’s creation. And I know that’s something everyone reading this book has been waiting to read about.

I also think it’s a common courtesy to give credit where credit is due–no one can ever accuse Joey Drew of not sharing the spotlight, even those who made the smallest of contributions. Everyone has some kind of value after all.

Henry’s value revolved around the fact that he was excellent at taking direction. Was he a gifted animator? He was a good one, yes. Did he have unique ideas? I’m afraid to that I must say no. But he took direction well and was a decent delegator. As a partner he took to the tasks I assigned him with ease and was able to roll with them and expand on his own without my having to babysit. When the studio opened I surrounded him with artists of all skill levels, and the Writing Department had its own de facto leader in Mr. Hemmings, and so the whole of Creative was well managed for that first year of the company before I had to part ways with Henry.

The company went through a huge shift from when it started to a mere two years later when I took over full creative control and hired Mr. Morris as the head of the Art Department, and Sammy Lawrence as head of Music. What it became then was magic. But we all need to start somewhere, and experimentation is how all inventions begin. I learned this at the lab of course. [...] That being said I wasn’t too interested in his art, I must confess. Most of these artist types I met disappointed me immediately and I didn’t need an awkwardness with not only a new friend but also a work colleague, pretending to like his work when I didn’t, so I just tended to avoid talking about it with him whenever possible. So it was that I attended the art show because of Abby, not him” (Kress, A. (2021).).

He does it again to Henry and also degrades Abby on pages 158-160,

““would you like to see Henry’s work?” Abby asked.

I didn’t answer right away. I didn’t want to be truthful, but I hated lying to her. Fortunately, I ended up not needing to say anything anyway because Abby always somehow knew what I was thinking. “Come on, you snob. I think you might actually like his work. You always talk about your desire to communicate with the world.” She pulled me pretty hard by my elbow and genuinely yanked me across the small room.

“Not exactly,” I said, tripping over my feet and trying to remain upright. “I want to imitate it and show it back to the world.”

“Same thing,” she said, not really paying attention. It wasn’t at all, but I didn’t bother to correct her further. After all, the concept of the Illusion of Living as you, dear reader, have definitely learned in reading this book is both very complicated and very simple. It’s not something you can easily explain over the din of a crowded, airless, third-floor factory back room.

She deposited me in front of a wall of pen drawings. Compared with the brightness of the watercolors next to them, the unnecessary randomness of the installation pieces, and the creepiness of Abby's oils, it was, for want of a better word, uninspiring. I saw nothing to impress me and definitely nothing that “communicated with the world,” as she put it.

“What am I looking at?” I asked, doing everything I could not to roll my eyes.

“Aren’t they clever?” she asked.

I leaned in to examine them closer. I have to admit I have no memory of what I looked at that evening. I know there were cartoon drawings, that I saw various characters. I do recall a few were a little funny. But I do know they clarified what she’d meant about communication. They were caricatures of day-to-day people. Maybe there was a butcher in there, though I might just be confusing it with my creation, the Butcher Gang. They reminded me of comics from the papers, little short stories about people being people.

That was the moment.

That was it. Right there.

That match against the flint.

The flame.

I give the credit to Abby, even though you might think I owe it to Henry. But had she not understood on some level what I was searching for she never would have dragged me over to see Henry’s art. [...] “Joey, thanks for coming,” said Henry, approaching from behind us, I turned to look at him. He had dressed up for the event but every item of clothing looked slightly wrong. The sleeves of his shirt a bit short, his vest a bit long, his tie askew. He smiled, though, with such confidence that I couldn’t help admire him. I still do. He always was the sort of person who took leaps of faith and tackled what was right in front of him with a real sense of purpose.

“Wouldn’t have missed it,” I lied. I would have. I was, however, glad now I hadn’t” (Kress, A. (2021).).

He even shows more resentment towards Henry, page 218,

“that cocktail napkin is now on the wall. That first sketch of Bendy right beside it, two sides of the same coin. Two moments of perfect clarity. The original Joey Drew Studios sign from when we only had those two floors. A letter from Henry. You might not think I’d keep such a thing, but I do. I have no ill will toward the man as you know. Him leaving, as I said, was the best thing that could have happened to the studio. His letter reminds me of that” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Joey is also manipulating the employees and readers of The Illusion of Living through a quote on page 182,

“I can always find more talent–but for them. They really will never get another opportunity quite as wonderful as working at the studio, that’s for sure” (Kress, A. (2021).).

It’s not just employees he’ll love-bomb about to the reader, he also love-bombs and then degrades random people he doesn’t even speak to, pages 183-184,

“I had been invited along with others who truly appreciated a good show.

Everyone was dressed to the nines, tuxedos on the men, dresses that glittered in the light for the ladies, cigarettes at the end of long holders, crystal tumblers filled with expensive and still illegal alcohol. You would never have known the stock market had crashed one year before, that people were standing in breadlines on the streets, that lives were ruined down there, so many floors down beneath the sparkling society. I, of course, found it yet another fascinating illusion. That we could all pretend life was carrying on full of joy like nothing had happened, which, for those fortunate few, I suppose it was true.

Now, I don’t know how much time you’ve spent around actors, but there is a time at every actor party when enough alcohol has been consumed that their inner desires to be the center of attention can no longer be contained and suddenly someone decides it’s time to start singing. Hopefully, you’re lucky enough there’s at least a piano in the room. I know of nothing quite so painful and tuneless as listening to actors singing a cappella. [...] It began with the actors each choosing a song. They fought for the spotlight by pretending they didn’t care. Casually walked up to the piano wearing some extravagant outfit or other, I swear the leading lady’s dress was entirely made of strings of pearls, while making sure to eye down any of their colleagues who might have attempted to stand up” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Also, on page 184,

“Don’t get me wrong. I adore actors. They are lovely people who light up a room and can have a shocking level of generosity so long as their egos are being indulged” (Kress, A. (2021).).

This love-bombing then degrading of strangers happens earlier in the book as well, page 44,

““well, Big Deal Joey, it’s a pleasure to meet you!” she said brightly. I stuck out my hand but she grabbed me and planted a cherry-pipped kiss onto my cheek too. “I’m Gladys!”

I shook my head. “No, you’re not,” I said with a smile.

Her mouth fell open in mock shock, though I could tell she was actually surprised. “I’m not?”

“No,” I said, taking her hand and kissing it. “Tonight you are Selene, goddess of the moon!”

Oh how she laughed at that and immediately took on the role. She gave a little bow and then dragged Kyle off to the dance floor. With one little invented idea, she had become a goddess in reality. I smiled. I was good”  (Kress, A. (2021).).

He degrades others at art shows, pages 77-81,

“We [referring to Abby] didn’t really get to talk much after that point, as the room was called into silence by a tall woman dressed as, in my mind at least, the queen of the peacocks. She was draped in purple, turquoise, and navy blue, a feather boa around her neck and a silver turban on her head. It was a disaster.

“Thank you all for attending this evening’s salon.” She extended the second syllable of the word far further than it had any right to go. “I would like to begin the evening with the aria ‘O mio babbino caro’ from the great composer Puccini’s Gianni Schicchi.”

If that was how she liked to begin, who were we to stop her? Certainly, none of us could have if we had tried. She started to sing in a high but also plummy voice that was not quite on-key. She had no accompaniment and I was pretty sure that this event was not meant to be a musical one. The fixed smiles on the other members of the audience seemed to agree with me.

I spent more time watching the other people in the room than watching our host, as I always did. As you know, audiences fascinate me. Everyone was being polite, no obvious yawns or rolling of eyes. There were a few whispered conversations happening at the edge of the room, one clearly flirtatious between a young man and woman dressed in absurdly shabby clothes. He leaned in and kissed the tip of her ear, and I found that to be quite ostentatious. The four ladies squished on the small sofa were communicating with one another through little hand squeezes on the leg, or taps with a foot whenever the soprano hit a particularly piercing note.

There was a man holding a notebook who looked like he was ready to give up on music, and another older fellow beside him, his eyes closed, seemingly transported by the song. I made eye contact with a woman in her fifties with long gray hair braided over her shoulder. She gave me a wink and I realized  I had a coconspirator in a way. She too was taking in the art of the audience far more than the art on “stage.”

When our host, whom I had now decided to call Madame Peacock, finished, she also found that she would like to sing us something from Tosca, and then a ditty by Mozart. I looked at Abby, who mouthed, “I’m so sorry” back to me.

Finally Madame Peacock had had enough of sharing her gifts and the first performer of the night went up. I had thought the opera was pretty painful but I had no idea original poetry was on a whole other level. Have you ever heard someone’s original poetry? Try not to if you can.

There was a speech about the current state of German politics, then a little scene between a man and woman very much like a classic vaudeville act but without the talent. Next was a thin short man reading some kind of treatise on whether anyone could truly be good. Someone then read from a novel they were writing. Oh, to never have to hear a chapter from another unpublished novel ever again. Too many people write novels these days.

I’ll give you this, while the art presented didn’t inspire me at all , what it lacked definitely did. I was suddenly very aware of the responsibly I was taking on in my Illusion of Living. The good work I’d seen over the years, the plays and films and books that had made me think and added to solidifying my philosophy, all of that really came into sharp focus that night. Good art could change the world. But bad could definitely tarnish it.

“You didn’t enjoy yourself?” asked Abby as we walked toward the bus stop together.

“Did you honestly think I would?” I replied.

“I thought you might find it fun, yes.”

“The writing was just terrible, that little play. It was almost painful!” I said.

“Well if you think you can do any better, why don’t you write one yourself?” she said.

I had no interest in writing a play and was about it tell her so, but then I thought about it. I did love plays. I did love movies. I’d seen enough that of course I could write one. How hard could it be? Besides showing these artists types what a real work of art was…well I thought harder about it. It would be quite something to give them even a small sample of the Illusion of Living.

“If I write something will you read it with me?” I asked.

“I’m not an actress, Joey,” she said. It was too dark to see her expression but she sounded genuinely concerned.

“It’s just a reading, you’ll do swell.”

“If you insist…” she said, biting the inside of her cheeks. [...] All the moralizing I’d seen that night, philosophies discussed, it was too much and ultimately hot air. Also not very funny, and as you know, it is my firm belief that funny is the ultimate tool for communication.[...] The idea came to me then, and with little effort I wrote my play. It needed very few edits and, in fact, was practically perfect in its first draft. To say I was a natural would be bragging a bit, but I was. Is the truth bragging? I’d always had a way with words. Even Lottie had said so. I’ve always believed that hard work and practice are the most important things to get you where you want to go. But to be truly gifted at something you need to be born with an innate talent. That’s all there is to it.

The evening of the next salon arrived, and Abby and I immediately went over to Madame Peacock, dressed true to form in yet another mess of bright colors and this time a gold turban, to let her know of our plans.

“Oh, marvelous,” she said with those plummy vowels of her. “You shall close off the evening!”

“And would you do us the honor of reading a small role for us?” I asked.

The request made her puff out her chest with pride. Peacock indeed.

“But of course, my, but of course!”

I handed her a copy of the script, and she peered at the pages, clearly needing glasses but refusing to succumb to the needs of older age” (Kress, A. (2021).).

He degrades Madame Peacock later in the chapter as well, quote from page 92,

“Madame Peacock came over and complimented us and she was not one to allow others the center of attention for too long” (Kress, A. (2021).).

He also degrades people that he doesn’t even see, page 202 of The Illusion of Living,

“But again, in the spirit of honestly, it took me many years to realize what I’d been chasing.

Of course, like with all my other realizations, true understanding came to me in an instant and with great clarity. I see things in ways that most don’t. I understand things so much more quickly. This isn’t to say I am better than anyone because others aren’t like me in this way, but more to say it is yet another reason why I was put on this earth, like a messenger, like Mercury, let’s say, here to help those that can’t help themselves” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Then, with a group of other strangers and Abby on pages 69-70,

“regardless. It was because of Abby I took the odd art classes, usually late-night ones taught by failed artists who couldn’t afford to do anything but teach students who had no real talent. Obviously Abby and I were the exception [...] I could have been the head of the Art Department at my studio, but I chose to hire those who had solid work ethics, even if they were not quite as remarkably talented” (Kress, A. (2021).). He’s not only degrading strangers again, but he’s putting Abby above them, love-bombing her as he degrades them.

He once again does this on pages 75-76,

“the event took place in a large apartment on the Upper West Side, it was done up with modern Art Deco flourishes, and whoever owned it (I never did find out) clearly had some money. The guests however did not. That is to say, some of the guests did not. There were definitely the stereotypical starving artists in attendance at this party. None of them bothered to try to look dressed up for the evening, which I found odd. Stranger still, since I was not used to classes mingling in the first place, was that even those who had money were dressed like they didn’t. It was clear from the quality of their fabrics, their general cleanliness, and the shine on their shoes who the people were who had the money to afford a classic suit or an elegant dress. But it was so strange to me. I understand it, but I didn’t respect it. It was a show, some kind of demonstration that they didn’t care for material things” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Here Joey states that he doesn’t like what these wealthier people are doing, but earlier in the book stated, “I have always considered myself a humble man, in fact many have praised this quality in me. It’s true that despise my success and fame, I remain constant to my values as a person” (Kress, A. (2021).). You would think someone who thinks like this would respect more affluent people that are humble and dress down.

He also degrades his peers from when he was a child. Quote from page 61 of The Illusion of Living,

“in school reading was a core part of the curriculum, but I did just enough to get excellent grades (the amount of effort was similar to my friends just trying to pass; I was a gifted child and that meant my efforts equaled ten times as much compared with theirs)” (Kress, A. (2021).).

He again compares himself as being better than the other kids on page 196,

“mud. I have always hated the mud. The dusty side street that my father’s shoe repair window opened onto turned into a swamp even in a light spring shower. Most kids would love that kind of thing I guess, heck I saw them with my own eyes. The neighborhood kids my age playing in the muck, throwing fistfuls at one another like melting chocolate snowballs. The mud would get so thick and dark, almost oozing black. Nothing about it appealed to me as a kid. And this contempt only cemented as I got older” (Kress, A. (2021).).

When he was a kid, it wasn’t just other children he would degrade, quote from page 199 of The Illusion of Living,

“here is something that I find rather shocking within myself, but for the sake of complete honesty, which is so very important to me especially in this book, I will admit that I never was that excited by the local fairs and such that made their way through town when I was a kid. There was a delight to be sure, but there was something too artificial about their worlds. Too transient. The people who worked for them had little to no passion for their jobs, and as a child from a home with limited income, I soon discovered I preferred watching theatrical performances where the actors put everything they had within themselves despite the world around them being a mere stage. I have spent my whole life watching others, and there is a joy, to be sure, walking immersed in the fair environment. Yet, these fairs and festivals of my youth were so lacking any heart that it all just felt disappointing. The artifice was too fake. It was a lie. Not an illusion” (Kress, A. (2021).).

It’s not random adults that he degraded as a child. He even degraded his father, page 200 of The Illusion of Living,

“I don’t even remember what possessed my father to take us to visit one of the first ever permanent amusement parks in the world. There was something inside him that enjoyed whimsy, to be fair. After all, he did play make-believe with elves and such” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Joey is also manipulating the employees and readers of The Illusion of Living through a quote on page 182,

“I can always find more talent–but for them. They really will never get another opportunity quite as wonderful as working at the studio, that’s for sure” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Near the end of The Illusion of Living, in the “day in the life” section, Joey says this about Shawn Flynn on page 228,

“Shawn Flynn does an excellent job, but I do like to make sure that every doll looks the same and has the same kind of smile. Good thing his creativity knows no bounds even if he can get a little defensive when he needs to be corrected” (Kress, A. (2021).).

There is quite a bit to unpack here, despite it only being two sentences. The first thing I would like to address is the fact that Joey goes over every doll that is sent out from Heavenly Toys. At surface level, this seems normal, he wants to see what the product looks like, but he’s undermining Shawn’s ability to do his job by checking every single toy, especially when he also says that he “does an excellent job” and that “his creativity knows no bounds” (Kress, A. (2021).). Also, “he can get a little defensive when he needs to be corrected” is an interesting statement for Joey to make (Kress, A. (2021).).

In chapter three of Bendy and the Ink Machine, Rise and Fall, you can find an audio log by Shawn at his work area, where he says,

“"I don't be seein' what the big deal is.

So what if I went and painted some of those Bendy dolls with a crooked smile?

That's sure no reason for Mr. Drew to be flyin' off the handle at me”” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

Shawn here isn’t getting a “little defensive” over what Joey said. He’s upset that Joey screamed at him over smiles on children’s toys. This is very different then from what Joey tries to convince the reader of.

“Needs to be corrected” is also a weird quote from this section (Kress, A. (2021).). I believe Joey here is referring to what Shawn calls “flyin’ off the handle” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). Joey is attempting to show that he pays attention to his employees and that he’s willing to help them and bend things to what they need. A very false claim based on the things we’ve seen him do.

Also, in the “day in the life” section of The Illusion of Living, pages 225-226, Joey states,

“9:30 am.: Mr. Morris with the Art Department. Now, of course, this has changed to Miss. Lambert. It’s interesting to see the difference in their approaches. Morris was always a little late and always flustered, carrying piles of papers in his arms like he’d swept everything off his desk just as he was rushing to come meet with me. Quite frankly, it’s very likely that’s exactly what happened. Abby on the other hand is always early by five minutes and comes with her neat portfolio all ready for her presentation. Some might find Morris’s way a sign of his creativity but I personally find Abby’s manner much more conductive to actual brainstorming and creative conversation, and also her work far more exemplary. I’ve noticed the art coming out of the department these days has a much more finished look before I even see it” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Joey love-bombs about Abby while putting down another employee, having her shine more than someone, building her up, so she won’t ever want to leave the studio, and at the same time, making Morris feel that he has to rush to finish everything to make Joey happy, despite also knowing it won’t make Joey happy because it isn’t perfect.

He compares the two earlier in the book as well, page 163,

“When it came to honesty, Abby was quite expert at it. It’s why we’ve had such a good working relationship over the years and why currently she is running the Art Department while Morris is away” (Kress, A. (2021).).

He builds up Abby as being better than Morris. Knowing it’s a statement that the reader will likely believe as we know nothing about Morris besides him running the art department, having papers scattered everywhere and that he was overseas at the time the book was being written.

Then again, earlier in the book, page 157,

“she [referring to Abby] wasn’t the only artist being hosted that night, and while I always had such a great affinity for her–heck I hired her as an artist and she works for me to this day, in fact at this very moment she is our interim head of Art while Morris is overseas–her work back then was not polished. She was still playing around with her version of an impressionistic style. It never quite resonated the same way the actual impressionists did. The one thing that did work for her though was her constant dark undertones, the feeling of something sinister under the surface in all her paintings” (Kress, A. (2021).).

He does it in another section as well, pages 166-167,

“it wasn’t that Abby lacked skill, it was just she didn’t know how to draw a cartoon. Not back then at any rate. Now she’s as proficient as anyone. She always had the talent, she just needed the practice. But back then, in that little diner, her first attempt was not, well, very good” (Kress, A. (2021).).

He love-bombs her and degrades her at the same time, similar to the behavior he displays around Sammy later in the book, a second quote from further down on page 167,

“”I’ll keep playing with this,” she said as we both stood up and she gave her satchel a pat.

“Thank you,” I remember replying, not feeling very hopeful” (Kress, A. (2021).). Joey love-bombs Abby to her, but degrades her to the reader. Joey didn’t believe that one of his closest friends, would be able to emulate what he wanted, even if she tried back then.

He also love-bombs Abby and degrades random strangers again, page 204,

“I immediately asked my waiter for a pen and started sketching my thoughts on a napkin. As you know, I excelled even in that one art class I took with Abby years before. And of course at the studio there are moments when explaining simply will not do, you just have to show your team what is inside your head. Oh if only that were possible beyond the metaphor. The imperfect translation of my perfect thoughts. It’s the art of explaining that is so unappreciated. Though I am sure you will agree, having now reached the latter half of my book, in that I too excel” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Joey does very similar behavior to Abby and also Henry when they show up at his apartment, pages 169-171,

“I preferred going out, but I was happy to invite Abby on occasion. She had never brought a guest, I had never thought to extend the invitation beyond just her. And then suddenly there was, that Saturday night, at my door, with someone I had not ever expected to see in my home, Henry Stein.

“Abby, and …Henry,” I said. Of course I let them both in. I gave her a look as she walked past and she gave me a small sharp wink in response. What was she up to?

They sat down in my small living room, taking up the full width of my modest dark green sofa (the apartment had come furnished), so I sat on the hard wooden kitchen chair and stared at them both. “What a pleasant surprise,” I said before standing up immediately to get them something to drink from the pantry. Warm orange soda was hardly the thing for a hot night like tonight, but I was still saving for an icebox.

“Thanks,” said Henry as I passed him one.

“Always my pleasure,” I replied, sitting down on my hard chair.

“Joey, I know you’re confused about why Henry’s here. You’re too polite for your own good,” said Abby with a laugh.

“Not confused, just curious,” I replied.

“I hope you can forgive me, but I told Henry about your little devil,” she said, placing her soda on the low coffee table. It was covered in circles from watermarks of days past so I didn’t feel a need to hand out coasters.

“Oh?” I said casually, though inside I was feeling a little angry now. I don’t do well when people are disloyal, and this was something I’d expected to be kept between me and Abby. Then I stopped and controlled myself (I have excellent control over my emotions) and realized I had never actually told her there was anything secret about this. I’d have to be more careful in the future. Believe you me, I have been since. A contract is a fine thing to have between colleagues, even finer at times between friends” (Kress, A. (2021).).

What really sticks out here to me is that Abby says, “I hope you can forgive me,” it’s almost as if she knew how Joey would react. I also found Joey saying he has “excellent control over [my] emotions” to be absolutely hilarious as we know that’s not true. A quote from his Turn it Off  audio log,

“keep railing on that, get it? Dreaming! Dreaming! Dreaming!” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

It also seems that Abby knew Joey wouldn’t want to see Henry draw or hear him out, at the very least, page 171,

“I wasn’t interested in humoring him. I’d had a long week, I was feeling excited about Joey Drew Studios, I didn’t need this tonight. But I looked up with a smile, stood up, and crouched next to the table” (Kress, A. (2021).).

This isn’t even the first time he love-bombs and/or degrades them both at once, pages 161-162,

““So, Joey what do you think, your honest opinion, please,” said Henry, crossing his arms over his chest and turning back to his work.

I always inwardly shake my head when people ask for honest opinions. The only person I know who wants a truly honest opinion is me. Everyone else wants a truthful-sounding lie. They want the illusion. Ah, you knew I was going to write that now, didn’t you? Well I hope you did. Otherwise I would recommend starting this book over again.

A lie it was, of course, with a sprinkle of truth to make it palatable. “You do interesting work,” I replied. “I must say, it’s really inspired me.”

I could almost hear Abby’s eyebrows rising to the top of her forehead. She thought that the second part was the lie, but the funny thing was, as you know, it wasn’t.

“Have I?” asked Henry, looking back at me in surprise.

“Oh yes. I think, Henry, you might be accidentally responsible for charting the course for the rest of my life.” It was a dramatic thing to say but I enjoy saying dramatic things. And it wasn’t untrue entirely. While I was responsible for the course, it did feel like Henry was the young boy hiring the captain of a ship to go in search of a buried treasure he’d once heard tell of. He had no way of finding it, had no skill in sailing, but I could do the work and, as the grown-up, keep the treasure for myself.

“That’s …something,” said Abby. She sounded confused and amused.

I turned to her. “You don’t believe me, I can tell.”

Henry just stood in silence. I wasn’t sure if it was his doubt of my sincerity or more that he was overwhelmed emotionally by what I had said. I never found out, as a small man with a surprisingly low voice came over to talk to him and he turned his attention to that conversation.” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Abby is love-bombed even more in this chapter, page 176,

“Abby didn’t join the studio until three years later. When she finished art school she’d decided to give it a go as an artist herself. She didn’t do too badly, but she didn’t do well either. [...] It was shortly after that she joined the studio as an artist. She rose quickly through the ranks because I was right, all she needed was a little practice and she became the best artist on my team. Having her leading the department right now has been a complete joy” (Kress, A. (2021).). This is also controlling, as Joey states he “was right.” He’s trying to have control over Abby’s wants and desires.

I also think Abby was scared of upsetting Joey because of a quote from page 171,

“Abby and Henry never ended up working together, which I suppose is a little funny to think about considering they had been friends before I showed up on the scene. I think to this day they still keep in touch, though we never really discuss it” (Kress, A. (2021).). I believe Abby was scared of just saying Henry’s name around Joey.

Joey continues to love-bomb Abby in this book, page 77,

““did you do this? I asked.

“I did.”

It wasn’t bad. “Not bad.”

“From you that’s high praise indeed.” She didn’t say it sarcastically, by now she knew I wasn’t the kind of person to just hand out compliments” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Even during the play Joey does with her, he’s love-bombing her to the reader, quote from page 84,

“more laughter here and at this point I could sense Abby relaxing into her role. She wasn’t very good, and that was okay. But there was something so charming in how hard she was trying. Effort is all that matters so long as you have someone like me leading the way” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Despite it only being a few sentences, I would also like to draw attention to how Joey talk about Wally Franks in The Illusion of Living, pages 205-206,

“he was a good man, a solid handyman. Never complained, just did what was asked of him. A real self-starter too. I never knew when I’d run into the fellow, what time of day, where in the studio he might be. But there he would suddenly appear, fixing the projector, tinkering with the boiler, unclogging pipes. Yup, he could do plumbing too in a pinch, and I had a great deal of respect for him” (Kress, A. (2021).).

There are quite a few things we need to address here. I’ll start with the two major ones. The first one is that Joey equates “being a good man” here with “never complained.” That is extremely dangerous thinking, especially because he’s associating respecting Wally with him never complaining. The other thing also has to do with “never complained.” We know that Joey is lying, or is at least unaware (but I highly doubt that) of Wally’s complaining. Quotes from a few of Wally’s audio logs,

“so here's my beef with this whole Gent thing. I went to school, yeah, that's right, me! Star student of Brickmore High! I know my potatoes! So where's this Mr. Connor get off telling me what to do?” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).).

“These people gotta lighten up. I mean hello! You make cartoons! Your job is to make people laugh.

I'm tellin' ya, If these people don't start crackin' a smile every now and then, I'm outta here” (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). It seems to me that Joey was trying to undermine Wally’s issues with the company and change his thinking pattern to not include those kinds of thoughts by constantly praising him for how wonderful he did at his job.

It’s also not just people alive at the time that he’ll love-bomb and then degrade. Joey does this with pictures taken of a recently deceased friend, Walter Richmond, page 120,

“I turned to take in the rest of the pictures. I had to agree. I might not know a lot about art (at least I didn’t at the time, I hadn’t met Abby yet), but I knew what made something special. It’s a skill I’ve always had. There was something not quite good enough about the pictures. They were framed a little wrong, or a little out of focus. They would work as excellent historical documents for researchers later in life possibly. But even then maybe not. Faces were hard to see and words hard to read” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Joey even treats basic needs as being “love” when he complies with them, page 190 of the employee handbook,

“free toilet paper

Worried you’d have to bring your own toilet paper to the studio? Think again! The bathrooms at Joey Drew Studios are stacked with all the TP your little heart could ever desire. And it’s two-ply too. Now that’s love” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

He also degrades new hires on the final page of the employee handbook,

“Bendy is the perfect cartoon character, and the truth is, you probably won’t dream up anything quite as good as him” (Staff, S. I. (2019).).

He also love-bombs and then degrades me that are supposedly his friends, quote from page 35 of The Illusion of Living,

“as luck would have it, she [referring to Lottie] was shipped off stationed in London, which made me happy, as I knew the war was on the Continent and, while I might not have been in love with her, I thought of her fondly” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Then again love-bombs and degrades Lottie on page 36,

“I liked that she had found herself a beau, or at the least someone to give her some attention” (Kress, A. (2021).).

Another “friend” he love-bombs and then degrades in the book is Nathan Arch, pages 197-198 of The Illusion of Living,

“there was no way Arch could answer it. He was and is a highly intelligent man, but there are limits for everyone [...] Quite frankly, I was interested in being God. Ha, I know, a sacrilegious thing to say, but I know no other way of putting it. While my peers all aim for growth and money and expansion, these to me are necessary evils in order to truly capture my deepest goals. To truly change the world and how to see it.

If that isn’t godlike then I don’t know what is.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am a mortal man. But some mortals leave behind the immortal, they create a legacy that is beyond just the grit of an everyday existence. Beyond just paste and cover. They are elevated, they float, they are raised to the heavens. No farther distance can be found from the mud below. If earth is the beginning, heaven is the destination. But what is heaven? The afterlife? Of the life that exists after?

You see how my thoughts go, you see how complicated they are, this is why when Arch talks of amusements parks my stomach cliches and my jaw gets tight. But it is also why I don’t reply with anything other than “But of course.” Some things are not worth the time to explain. Though I hope he better understands when he reads this book” (Kress, A. (2021).).

He degrades Nathan again in the book, pages 214-217,

“he’d never understand. No one would ever understand. [...] I knew he respected me. Everyone does, of course. [...] He never would really understand us, but he still well, for want of a better way of phrasing it, wanted to be us.* [...]

*NateA: I think Joey could have come up with a better way of phrasing it personally because that’s nerve been true. I like me just fine. He also wasn’t quite right about my love of creative types. Most of them bore me or are far too self-indulgent, No, it was Joey I admired, and so I also admired his creativity. Isn’t it just like him not to see the compliment? [...]

“You getting cold? I’m getting cold,” said Arch. He rubbed his arms like a pantomime actor demonstrating exactly how cold he was feeling.

I wasn’t. But that’s also something special about me. I don’t tend to get overly cod, or got, or hungry, or anything. Outside forces have little impact on a body when your mind is this strong’” (Kress, A. (2021).).

He also love-bombs his driver, page 217,

“I had just hired Simmons, but already I knew this man was going to have a long career with me. He was dependable, quiet when I needed him to be, talkative enough to make me laugh, and knew the best routes through the city depending on the time of day. Like I have said many times in this book, you do your job well, no matter what it is, and there’s a place for you with Joey Drew” (Kress, A. (2021).).

7. Ritualistic and sometimes public confession of sins - Does not apply

8. Phobia indoctrination: inculcating irrational fears about leaving the group or questioning the leader’s authority:

a. No happiness or fulfillment possible outside of the group - Joey demanded trust without questions asked. People seem to trust him blindly (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). The employees seem terrified of disapproving or being cut out of the group or replaced (YouTube. (2019, March 25).). It is almost like they fear they can not be happy unless they make him happy.

b. Terrible consequences if you leave: hell, demon possession, incurable diseases, accidents, suicide, insanity, 10,000 reincarnations, etc. No proof of this.

c. Shunning of those who leave; fear of being rejected by friends and family - When Henry left, he didn’t have any contact with anyone from there. We don’t know why no other employee contacted him. Joey only reached out to past employees many years later to lure them back to the machine (YouTube. (2022, April 3).).

d. Never a legitimate reason to leave; those who leave are weak, undisciplined, unspiritual, worldly, brainwashed by family or counselor, or seduced by money, sex, or rock and roll - No proof of this.

e. Threats of harm to ex-member and family - No proof of this.

References

" Travaille Dur, Travaille heureux ": Bendy y la máquina de tinta, Bendy y Boris, imagenes de videojuegos. Pinterest. (2017, October 8). Retrieved November 16, 2022, from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/747316131889167771/

Advisors, S. F. W. (2022, September 6). Steven Hassan’s BITE Model of Authoritarian Control. Freedom of Mind Resource Center. https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/bite-model/

Amino. (2020, April 28). Don’t let Joey See...: Batim Short Story. Amino. Retrieved December 25, 2022, from https://aminoapps.com/c/the-ink-machine/page/blog/dont-let-joey-see-batim-short-story/1Jza_J0dc6uzXRmwvkm0GPYnv5w36MezeE0

Audio Log. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.). Retrieved November 16, 2022, from https://bendy.fandom.com/wiki/Audio_Log

BATDR audio logs. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.). Retrieved December 9, 2022, from https://bendy.fandom.com/wiki/Category:BATDR_audio_logs

Bendy and the ink machine: Chapter 3 - Rise and Fall. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.). Retrieved November 16, 2022, from https://bendy.fandom.com/wiki/Bendy_and_the_Ink_Machine:_Chapter_3_-_Rise_and_Fall

Dreams come to life. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.). Retrieved November 16, 2022, from https://bendy.fandom.com/wiki/Dreams_Come_to_Life

Getting serious. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.). Retrieved December 10, 2022, from https://bendy.fandom.com/wiki/Getting_Serious

Grant Cohen. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.). Retrieved November 16, 2022, from https://bendy.fandom.com/wiki/Grant_Cohen

Indiscernible. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.). Retrieved November 16, 2022, from https://bendy.fandom.com/wiki/Indiscernible

Ink machine. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.). Retrieved November 16, 2022, from https://bendy.fandom.com/wiki/Ink_Machine

Joey Drew Studios. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.). Retrieved November 16, 2022, from https://bendy.fandom.com/wiki/Joey_Drew_Studios

Kress, A. (2021). Bendy: The illusion of living: An original Joey Drew Memoir. Scholastic Inc.

Staff, S. I. (2019). Joey Drew Studios Employee Handbook. Scholastic, Incorporated.

The archive. Joey Drew Studios. (n.d.). Retrieved December 14, 2022, from https://www.joeydrewstudios.com/archive

Thomas Connor. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.). Retrieved November 16, 2022, from https://bendy.fandom.com/wiki/Thomas_Connor

Timeline. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.). Retrieved November 17, 2022, from https://bendy.fandom.com/wiki/Timeline

Twisted alice. Bendy Wiki. (n.d.). Retrieved November 16, 2022, from https://bendy.fandom.com/wiki/Twisted_Alice

Vacations with pay in union agreements, - JSTOR. (n.d.). Retrieved December 24, 2022, from https://www.jstor.org/stable/41816194

What is sexual grooming? identifying the 6 stages. Lewis and Llewellyn. (2019, June 6). Retrieved December 15, 2022, from https://sexualabuselawfirm.com/blog/what-is-sexual-grooming-identifying-the-6-stages/

YouTube. (2017, October 13). Batim: Chapter 3 all alice angel lines. YouTube. Retrieved November 17, 2022, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaTpaCzwF-8

YouTube. (2018, May 1). Batim Sammy Lawrence (updated version). YouTube. Retrieved November 16, 2022, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCKaUP6u278&t=55s

YouTube. (2019). YouTube. Retrieved November 16, 2022, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3mpGoMt0-E.

YouTube. (2019, March 25). Batim audio logs in (almost) chronological order! YouTube. Retrieved December 23, 2022, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeSnKNMkDg4&list=PLl_oxibUps7wF7paFLi5ZJaw0iu2PAwie&index=1

YouTube. (2021, October 13). Boris and The dark survival all tapes. YouTube. Retrieved December 23, 2022, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2savP-5Y4BY&list=PLl_oxibUps7wF7paFLi5ZJaw0iu2PAwie&index=2

YouTube. (2022, April 3). Bendy and the ink machine | full game walkthrough | no commentary. YouTube. Retrieved November 16, 2022, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ns18EHkzb20 Screenshots taken from.

YouTube. (2022, November 18). Bendy and the dark revival - all audio logs! YouTube. Retrieved December 23, 2022, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cHpHb_vXIE&list=PLl_oxibUps7wF7paFLi5ZJaw0iu2PAwie&index=4

[longclawislightbringer]

I posted 181 times in 2022

That's 76 more posts than 2021!

48 posts created (27%)

133 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@longclawislightbringer

@esther-dot

@riahchan

@voidsteffy

@kitnjon

I tagged 179 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#rosvolio - 45 posts

#still star crossed - 44 posts

#jonsa - 43 posts

#ssc - 42 posts

#edit - 37 posts

#rosaline x benvolio - 32 posts

#wip wednesday - 31 posts

#lol - 26 posts

#rosvolio fic - 25 posts

#nancy drew cw - 24 posts

Longest Tag: 80 characters

#unless this series is a rom-com where jon and sansa fall in love i don’t want it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Watching the Nancy Drew finale and I am already on the edge of my seat

It’s been five minutes send help

10 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

#4

TODAY IS THE BEST DAY

THE SUN IS SHINING, MY CROPS ARE GROWING, AND NANCY DREW HAS BEEN RENEWED FOR SEASON 4

15 notes - Posted March 22, 2022

#3

Chapter Seven: Vindication

Rating: T

Relationships: Rosaline Capulet/Benvolio Montague, Helena/Princess Isabella, Livia Capulet/Count Paris, Rosaline Capulet/Prince Escalus (past)

Characters: Rosaline Capulet, Benvolio Montague, Prince Escalus, Livia Capulet, Count Paris, Princess Isabella, Helena, Stella

Summary: Rosaline figures out her feelings; the evidence points to a suspect.

Hello everyone!

Thanks for waiting so patiently for this chapter. I know the cliffhanger on the last one was a doozy ;)

I’m really excited for you all to read this chapter; the scene in the precinct is another one I came back in ye olde days of 2019 and it’s one of my favorites. I hope you all enjoy!

Thanks once again to unwrittenmusings on Tumblr for the original prompt and my beta Ry for all her wonderful work these last few months. You can find her on Tumblr and AO3.

Thanks for reading!

Chapter Six. Chapter Seven.

Read on AO3.

Chest heaving, Rosaline burst through the double doors to the hotel veranda. Her bare feet slapped against the coarse stone while she ran to the marble railing.

Breathing deep, she slammed her hands against the balustrade and screamed as loud as she dared—at that time of night, barely above a rough stage whisper. The sound burst from deep in her chest, carrying with it all the frustrations and anxiety of the last month. Her voice hoarse, her scream trickled off into nothingness as she gazed out at the glimmering stars that dotted the night sky.

“You look like you’ve got a story to tell.”

Startled at the sudden intrusion, she gasped and turned.

Bathed in the warm glow of the streetlamp and half shrouded in shadow, a middle-aged man lurked at one of the wrought-iron tables, drinking a glass of water. Rosaline recognized him as one of Helena’s guests.

“I didn’t know anyone was still out here,” Rosaline apologized. “I’m sorry if I disturbed your solitude. I’ll be going now.”

She turned to the door.

“No, stay,” the man responded. “You seem like you’ve got something on your mind, and sometimes talking about what’s bothering us can help.”

“Alright, I guess,” Rosaline grumbled, taking the offered chair and dropping her clutch on the table. “I’m Rosaline.”

“You’re one of Isabella’s bridesmaids, aren’t you?” He asked, tapping the table.

Rosaline nodded morosely.

“Name’s Orsino.”

Rosaline shook his outstretched hand.

“You and your boyfriend sure looked like you had a great time today, so what’s got you all in a tiff?”

“That’s just it,” Rosaline groaned, burying her head in her hands. “He’s not actually my boyfriend.”

“Really?” Orsino almost spat out his water. “You certainly had me fooled.”

“He’s my partner at work,” she explained, fiddling with the ribbon at her waist. “This is all going to sound so stupid.”

Orsino quirked an eyebrow.

See the full post

15 notes - Posted August 7, 2022

#2

Y’all I just watched Nancy Drew 3x11 and

39 notes - Posted January 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I've been working on a PowerPoint for my friend's bachelorette party about GOT and oh boy has it opened a can of worms

So far I've got ten slides about cinematography and I've just started on a section I've titled "The Jonsa Agenda"

It is 34 slides long and I'm not even finished

Send help

48 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[scribbling-dragon]

I posted 6,155 times in 2022

That's 4,471 more posts than 2021!

1,347 posts created (22%)

4,808 posts reblogged (78%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@scribbling-dragon

@daisy-mooon

@neohood

@sleepsart

@gardenergulfie

I tagged 2,226 of my posts in 2022

#asks - 916 posts

#anon - 329 posts

#juno's vigilante au - 252 posts

#ask game - 230 posts

#juno.talks - 200 posts

#scott smajor - 178 posts

#jimmy solidarity - 173 posts

#empiressmp - 131 posts

#empires smp - 124 posts

#juno.writes - 99 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i dont like reading fics where the romantic relationship takes priority over all other ones. but that might just be the aroace shining throu

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

he wanna be a COWBOY BABEY

click for better quality

(reblogs > likes)

572 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#4

vampire scott?? again?

579 notes - Posted March 27, 2022

#3

i drew @teamranchers nether prince tango (for an empires au) because the design was amazing and i love him

click for better quality! (and reblogs > likes)

685 notes - Posted July 16, 2022

#2

been brainrotting over ranch duo (i think that’s their name???? right??) recently. so here. have some headcanons:

- jimmy takes care of the cows while tango takes care of the chickens. The calves love jimmy and often flock to him and often will just sit on him, trapping him in place until tango rescues him (because jimmy’s not going to shove them off)

- jimmy’s canary wings only come in after his first death (aka where he’s one of the first to die), and that’s gonna hurt, so not only do they both have to deal with the pain of the explosion, they have to deal with the pain of that a little bit later too

- none of their friends are actually sure whether they’re together-together or not, because they’re physically affectionate with each other and jimmy’s called tango his husband several times already?? but they also act confused when people ask if they’re dating

- they’re such a good duo because tango always asks for jimmy’s input on schemes etc. because he values his input and doesn’t just immediately brush him off and that’s all it took for jimmy

- they only have one bed in their base because they don’t have the resources for any more, which means they end up sharing. which works out really, because jimmy runs warm and tango can’t regulate his own body temperature (i hc him as some kind of netherborn, and to me it makes sense that they’d rely on the nether’s heat to keep them warm) and he’s always cold, even after jimmy got him a blanket

767 notes - Posted June 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

a few more ranch duo hcs because people seemed to like the last ones:

- they almost always seem to have coal dust on their hands (canary and his coal mine) but they're not actually sure what it's from. they do, however, like smearing it on each other's faces and seeing how long it takes the person to notice. they do it around others as well and see how they avoid bringing it up or pointing it out

- tango likes the chickens best because theyre like small heat packs that he can carry around with him. some of the ones that like him more even sit inside his jacket and poke their head out at the top

- tango's eyes glow in the dark/reflect light, and jimmy found it annoying at first because tango would blink at night and there would be light on their walls. now he jist finds it reassuring, if he glances back when they're on a mining trip and he sees these glowing eyes watching him from a distance, making sure he's okay

- they've also perfected the art of sending pulses of feelings across the bond, doing it every now and again to make sure the other is alright (i am only thinking about the angst potential with this one). feelings of happiness or appreciation feel warm, apparently, while sadness and fear feel like a bucket of kce water has just been dumped over their heads

906 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[jmsami]

How do you make a woman a hot mess? Let me count the ways

Reconnecting after a 6 month estrangement at a time in my life where I was very happy and pulled myself out of a very dark period where things fell apart at a job / company of 17.5 years, my mom had health problems at the same time, and I pulled myself out of a very dark period landing a new job under perfect timing and perfect circumstances, beginning just 3 weeks after getting laid off and enjoying a 6 month period of time receiving double paychecks, both regular and severance. January 22 will be the 7 month mark since seeing or speaking to you (not without trying) which is the longest period of no contact so far.

It mattered, deciding to re-open the lines of communication with me and the willingness to meet up with me again and catch up. All the better that it ended up with us making out.

I did make every effort to guard my heart and go out with / enjoy / appreciate other men starting with Drew around late March 2022 but never could find anyone else I enjoyed as much as you.

I guess that's why I was okay with the long stretches between contact and meeting up and things mostly didn't go anything beyond making out physically.

Being a good support system while I was going through the problems with my veins, discomfort walking / sitting / squatting and eventually getting ablation procedures done.

It mattered.

Being one of the first to see and ride in my brand new car.

It mattered.

Watching me perform a flute choir concert on my childhood instrument with flutists I've known for many years who are like family.

It mattered.

Text history I'm still clearing-

Ryan F from Hinge that I only went out with because I didn't think things were going to go anywhere with you and for longer than I should have, March - July every once in a while; he really wasn't much to me other than a drinking / concert buddy and I had no physical attraction. That might take the longest. I'm still on April 2023.

Then the bombshell happened and I started filling up my schedule and making myself really busy to get my mind off things instead of get myself sorted out emotionally and mentally. These included maybe a bit too much / overwhelming amount of online dating app matches and both healthy and not so healthy experiences with re-runs. I know I drank myself silly around mid- July and drunk-texted a bunch of people, which probably re-ignited my re-connects with some of them. I know I found myself unable to concentrate at work and booking a last minute acupuncture appointment for anxiety relief. I even booked myself a staycation to Leadville for the purpose of self-reflection on the situation and the lessons and left with the decision that I would still like to connect with you and talk to you, only to be ignored when I attempted to do so via phone call and text the Wednesday after labor day.

James from Bumble I only went out with twice when I was in a heightened emotional state in the aftermath of what happened in June. I remember thinking he was a bit intense and his conversation during breakfast with me almost seemed like a sales pitch but apparently I got a lot of much needed practice in the areas of honesty, authenticity, and transparency with him. He is cleared finally as of April 29.

Still only on April with my text history with you. cleared as of early May I think

CNM Geoffrey because I was trying to understand better why you were doing what you were doing with me while another woman was declaring you her "boyfriend", and the only logical explanation I could come up with was perhaps it was okay because it was a consentually non monagomous situation. I never met this dude. He is cleared thank God.

Even though I did get back in contact with Jason during a heightened emotional state, I'm glad to still be in contact with him and hang out with him recently, I think he makes a good friend but I have no physical attraction. I went to a Jazz in the Park thing with him in Castle Rock in July.

I went to the Renn Fest with Pete (since you flat out told me I'm better off finding someone else than waiting for him) in July and then a concert in August and had the same problem that has existed for years where he would make an advance and I did not reciprocate the physical act of affection, and I'm pretty sure I already started drinking before he picked me up for the concert.

I am glad I reconnected with Jeremy, we hung out first in late July, originally planning to go to a comedy show but blew it off and had some really good conversations at the Irish Pub. We also hung out at one Up in September and museum of illusions end of October. But given all the sexual innuendos in his communications with me and the fact that it hasn't gone down that road in the almost three years I've known him, I'm beginning to change my mind about being glad I reconnected.

I know I was not happy with the decision I made to schedule two back to back dates with dating app dudes, one on Tuesday and the next on Wednesday for reasons having to do with both the fact that I was in a heightened emotional state and probably very obvious to both of them and that I had to go through the litany of "get to know you" questions two days in a row. The first guy Jeff only lasted one. The second guy Brian was around in July, August, and September, disappeared for a bit (initiated by me) then re-connected in November, but I think I'm ready to call it a day with him as well.

Then I reconnected with re-run Michael late August and this dynamic is getting a little old. I wonder if he is to me what I was to you. We can go months without seeing each other or much contact, he always ends up putting the moves on me and comes on pretty strong, things have always had the opportunity to be taken to the bedroom, and they never have, and this has been going on for almost 4 years. I'm not sure I am interested in him enough to try to pursue anything more than that.

Re-run Tom who was not a healthy choice and pretty much only partied with, had sex with twice, the first time after about a year long estrangement and no "getting reacquainted" period other than a pretty vulnerable phone call but he still didn't know basic information about me, and I did not feel good about myself after overdoing it on the weed and having sex.

I am also happy with the decision I made to re-connect with Andy but it's hard to schedule anything with him due to his crazy work schedule / hours.

When I decided to try to get back out there again I only had two with Roman. He kind of freaked me out claiming a connection super fast. I went out with Kelly two times around the same time. Maybe he was expecting too much of my time too soon? He offered to come or be designated driver to my meetup with the Ex RNL peeps. Also wanted me to join him and his out of town visiting sister a few days after meeting him the second time. He also offered to come to the CRO concert. Anyway, Danielle encouraged me not to ghost so I let both of them down gently and informed them via text that I was not in a good place mentally or emotionally, and not surprisingly, got two very different responses, one angry and on empathetic.

Absolute bombarding of texts by bumble Eric who I only had one phone conversation with then blew up my phone and that was when I decided I need to minimize the amount of complete strangers having my phone number. He will be cleared next historical review and clear of texts, thank god.

Thomas- eharmony, I gave too many strangers my phone number, one phone convo never met and he deleted me after I told him there's no need to text me just to wish me a good week. He is cleared.

One and done- Ben Tinder (didn't take long to clear) then Brian Eharmony but there there was some good follow up afterward. I think that was when I finally acknowledged my heartbreak and took action regarding it. I should probably put a stop to the drinking at home before a date thing. I'm not sure why I did it before meeting Robert Tinder on November 8. It didn't help in the area of me remembering anything about him that intrigues me enough to go out again, and it seems like he wants to but can't seem to move the communication to phone calls and if he's trying to not be too pushy about asking me, I haven't really found the motivation to go out with him again. He is cleared. So there's that.

Steps I took to un-hotmessify starting Sunday September 17- went to restorative yoga. Massage on Wednesday, September 20. Sound bath on Friday, September 22. Meditations, affirmations, even some overnight ones starting around that time in September. A "cutting the cords" meditation I found on youtube and accepted the challenge of completing once a day for 40 days. I'm on day 20 of the next 40 day meditation challenge about breaking bad habits.

[localwindmage]

I posted 8,629 times in 2022

78 posts created (1%)

8,551 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most: (personal edit: i slashed so i didnt actually @ anyone bc im terrified and dont wanna bother them lmao)

@/expired-blueberries

@/nbmudkip

@/cyanityinsanity101

@/kevinwastaken

@/parad0xical2

I tagged 2,530 of my posts in 2022

#fav - 450 posts

#save - 83 posts

#mtc - 40 posts

#cloudy serotonin - 34 posts

#long.post - 31 posts

#inspiration room - 26 posts

#ask to tag - 23 posts

#:( - 22 posts

#mcyt - 20 posts

#selfshipping sweets - 20 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#and see the customers i get on uber will order 4 minutes before we close and then give us a shitty review because the driver didnt tell them

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hey as you noticed I've discovered your art recently and I'm impressed with how well you can pull of your own style and so because of that I wanted to ask you for this thing I've been scared for awhile. It's a fusion between a older version of Aubrey from Omori and bill cipher from gravity falls my 2 all time favorite characters and I have a awesome idea for how the fusion would work. Yeah I know a fusion between these 2 is weird but I thought it'd be cool so if you don't mind please try it!

Normally i do Not take art requests, esp from here, but idk it felt fun to do! I’m not too much of a fan of fusing humans since whenever I make fusions, I always have the power of abstract. I’m glad you really enjoy my art though! It means a lot :)!

I DID have other ideas for this but I panicked because I realised it kind of counts as gore and I do not like to frighten myself so I held back. Also idk fam this seems more like possession than a fusion but weh, take it as you’d like!

11 notes - Posted February 8, 2022

#4

I’m sorry this is the third Ra’ad post I’ve made but also no I’m not I need more of him

24 notes - Posted March 21, 2022

#3

Good day Ben 10 fandom this is the first time I ever drew a Big Chill and due to mental and physical pain, it may be my last one. Goodnight

31 notes - Posted February 4, 2022

#2

Hhhave not been feeling great lately, so uhm I drew a Ra’ad and an extra tired Amperi vv

I rly rly love Ra’ad a lot but Amperis are so hard to draw man. Then again, I drew the first one on Aggie.io and it’s a pain to use

41 notes - Posted March 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hi! My ability to draw Amperi’s has improved!! So have a Ra’ad I drew on aggie!!

51 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[10yrsyart]

Signs of Jesus return

i felt lead recently to compile some of the signs and current events pointing to Jesus’ soon return. i don’t know who this is meant for, but i know it’s for someone. so i hope that whoever reads this finds it helpful and informative 💙 (this is not complete either, as there are too many to list)

The Fig Tree Generation:

Jesus often used a fig tree to describe the country of Israel in His prophecies. “Now learn a lesson from the fig tree. When its branches bud and its leaves begin to sprout, you know that summer is near. In the same way, when you see all these things, you can know His return is near, right at the door. I tell you the truth, this generation will not pass from the scene until all these things take place.” (Matthew 24:32-34)

In Psalm 90, Moses describes a generation being “70-80 years,' and Isaiah 66:7-8 says, “Before the birth pains even begin, Jerusalem gives birth to a son. Who has ever seen anything as strange as this? Who ever heard of such a thing? Has a nation ever been born in a single day? Has a country ever come forth in a mere moment?” This did happen. In 1948, Israel became a nation in a day, after almost 2000 years. Israel needed to be a nation to fulfill its part in the Tribulation, so the countdown couldn't start without them. The imagery of birth pains is used in the Bible to describe the troubles that the world will go through before the Day of the Lord, meaning Israel must become a nation before the Lord's return.

1948+80 year generation= 2028. But since Jesus said “everything” (Rapture and Tribulation) would happen before the fig tree generation passed away (turns 81), we have to take away 7 years from the 2028 final count. That leads us to 2021-May 2022 approximately (right before they turn 74).

The Jewish Temple:

The book of Daniel speaks of the time during the 7 year Tribulation, when the Antichrist will come and take over Israel. “The ruler will make a treaty with the people for a period of one set of seven, but after half this time, he will put an end to the (daily) sacrifices and offerings. And as a climax to all his terrible deeds, he will set up a sacrilegious object that causes desecration, until the fate decreed for this defiler is finally poured out on him.” (Daniel 9:27) “The day is coming when you will see what Daniel the prophet spoke about- the sacrilegious object that causes desecration standing in the Holy Place.” (Matthew 24:15)

The second Jewish Temple was destroyed in 70 A.D., and hasn't been rebuilt since. The Holy Place is a specific spot inside the Temple, and the daily sacrifices and offerings that go along with the Jewish Law are only performed with the Temple in use.

As of 2021, the preparations for the Third Temple are nearly complete. The plans are laid out, the priests have been trained in the rules and rituals, the materials are all gathered. One source even says that theoretically the Temple could be built in a matter of 3-6 months. All they are waiting for is the go ahead. Those of the Jewish faith don't believe that Jesus is their Messiah, and many expect that the building of Third Temple will coincide with their own messiah making his appearance.. It's noteworthy that they're so close to building it after all this time.

The Abraham Accords:

In September 2020 the Abraham Accords were officially signed, setting up a peace deal with multiple Middle Eastern countries, including the United States. Since then other countries have added themselves to the peace treaty. There hasn't been a deal like this in the Middle East in a long time, much less centered around Israel. When the Antichrist comes to power, he strengthens a treaty or proposal of peace that already exists, and so the Abraham Accords have come at a significant time.

“Nation will go to war against nation, and kingdom (ethnicity) against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes, and there will be famines and plagues in many lands, and there will be terrifying things and great miraculous signs from heaven.” (Luke 10-11)

Wars:

So many of the great wars in history have been within the last hundred years. War is not an uncommon thing for humanity, but the impact is much greater now, as is the frequency of wars on the horizon. Currently, many of the World Powers are already declaring war and/or making preparations. China threatening war against Taiwan and it's allies, Iran desiring to destroy the US and wipe Israel out as a nation, and many more threatened. It's not a question of if but of when.

Earthquakes:

The frequency of earthquakes has drastically gone up over the last couple years, not only in numbers but also in magnitude power. As I'm writing this (8/22/2021), we've had over twelve 7.0+ earthquakes in the last two weeks. That's not a normal level, not even taking into account all the earthquakes of lower magnitudes. Volcanic activity is rising as well. Many volcanoes that were previously thought to be dormant are awakening, some even erupting. Iceland's volcano Fagradalsfjall was thought to be dormant for 6000 years, until it erupted last March. (“Dutchsinse” on Youtube is a good source for seismic activity.)

Famines:

Because of the change in weather patterns, with flooding and wildfires and droughts, many of the worlds “bread baskets” (where a large portion of their food is grown) are not producing enough food. A shortage is already coming on America, not to mention all the other nations that are in the midst of one. Greece, Turkey, Australia, Italy, California and Oregon (US) are all burning at record rates. And mass  flooding is impacting just as much area, like Indonesia, China, New York (US), Haiti, Germany, and more.

Plagues/ Diseases:

Everyone is aware of the effect of the C Virus on the world, and now a new variant is appearing. Diseases like Ebola and the Bubonic Plague are re-emerging. Animals are experiencing these effects as well. Massive animal die offs are happening all over the world, from mysterious diseases and unknown causes. Various plagues have swarmed countries, for instance the mass attacks of locusts that have eaten through parts of Africa, and the infestation of billions of mice in Australia.

Signs in the Heavens:

“And I will cause wonders in the heavens and on the earth- blood and fire and columns of smoke. The sun will become dark, and the moon will turn blood red before that great and terrible day of the Lord arrives.” (Joel 2:30-31)  

As I mentioned earlier, volcanoes all over the world are waking up and erupting at an alarming rate. The super volcano centered in Yellowstone Wyoming (US) has been showing worrying signs of stirring as well.

In 2014, two Blood Moons landed on two of God's Feasts, which carry significance. Then in 2015 there was a Solar Eclipse, followed by another two Blood Moons that landed on the same Feasts as the previous year. In 2017, the Great American Solar Eclipse drew a line across the US. In 2020, the “Bethlehem Star” made an appearance as Jupiter and Saturn almost merged in the sky. Though it's not the same cosmic event as the true “Star” that heralded Christ's birth, its rarity and symbolism is important. This August 2021 we just had a rare Blue Moon.

The Revelation 12 Sign:

“Then I witnessed in heaven an event of great significance. I saw a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon beneath her feet, and a crown of twelve stars on her head. She was pregnant, and she cried out because of her labor pains and the agony of giving birth.” (Revelation 12:1-2)

In September 2017, this sign appeared in the sky for the first time ever. The constellation Virgo represents the woman, and the nine stars of Leo plus 3 wandering stars lined up as her crown. The moon was near her feet in the constellation and the sun was at her shoulder shining on her “clothes.” Then Jupiter entered the middle of the constellation (her stomach) and stayed there for nine months and left. Jupiter is generally considered to represent a ruler, and the child in Revelation is believed to represent the Church (Jesus' Body). The rest of Revelation 12: 3-5 speaks of the child being snatched away from the Dragon (the devil), which represents the Rapture of the Church before the Tribulation. So it's incredibly significant that the first part of this prophecy was fulfilled in the stars. (There's also a type of 4 year grace period before judgment in scripture (Luke 13:6-9), so 2017+ 4 years warning = 2021).

The Vaxx System:

“He required everyone- small and great, rich and poor, free and slave- to be given a mark on the right hand or on the forehead. And no one could buy or sell anything without that mark, which was either the name of the beast or the number representing the name.” (Revelation 13:16-17)

This is not about whether or not to take the vaxx, it's about the mentality around it. The animosity in the world media keeps growing towards those who don't wish to take it. The results don't add up to how single minded they are becoming, and it's easily paving the way for regulations to be carried out by brute force. There are stricter and stricter limitations to those who don't feel safe taking it, like being unable to shop at a grocery story or go to work... In the future, the world won't blink twice about a universal Mark of much greater magnitude and greater consequences. The consequences of refusing won't just mean an inability to buy or sell, but death.  

Alien Disclosure:

As of 2021, the US government has released the information they have on Unidentified Flying Objects, confirming the possibility of aliens. The first main stream event involving the alien conspiracy was the Roswell Incident of 1947, about a year before Israel became a nation. The reason why this is so significant is because 1) the Fig Tree prophecy was about to start when Israel revived, beginning the End Times countdown and 2) 2 Thessalonians 2:11 says the people left after the Rapture will believe a “Great Delusion.” Even a couple years ago, the thought of aliens coming down and taking people away would have been laughed at, but not now. Satan is the Prince of the Air; he uses his demons and spirits to appear as other things, so as to lead people away from the Truth of God. He knew when Israel became a nation the clock was ticking for the need of a believable lie. Now people could easily believe that all the Christians that disappeared were “beamed up” by aliens. (We don't know specifically what the Delusion will be yet, but this is certainly a possibility.)

Dreams and Visions:

“ 'In the Last Days,' God says, 'I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophecy. Your young men will see visions, and your old men will dream dreams. In those days I will pour out My Spirit even on my servants- men and women alike- and they will prophecy.' “ (Acts 2:17-18)

Around the end of 2019 to the beginning of 2020, End Times dreams skyrocketed. The sheer amount that can be found on Youtube is astounding and it continues to grow. Dreams about the Rapture, dreams from Jesus, dreams about disasters that are coming; people from all over the world are sounding the alarm. And these aren't internet celebrities or self proclaimed prophets; these are every day normal people, some of which weren't even Christian to begin with. The amount of non-Believers that have had Jesus appear to them to save them continues to grow as well.

I personally felt an awakening through the Holy Spirit sometime around early 2020, that Jesus was returning soon. And the more I've studied Bible prophecies and current events I know that it's fast approaching. Although it's important to test the spirits of dreams to see if it's really from God or not, the message of the majority is clear. Time is short.

(This was just a small selection of the MANY signs that God continues to send as warnings. The frequency and intensity is rising like it never has before. A more in depth list can be found, along with Bible references and news sources, at https://www.ithasbeenwritten.com/ )

To You:

For those of you who are un-Believers, I am not writing this to be a fear monger. When evidence and reports come in that there's a bomb in a building, the people inside need to know about it. Even if it ends up being fake, the risk isn't worth it. This isn't just one fanatic Christian with a dream trying to convince everyone the end is near, this is the whole world. No matter what you believe about Bible prophecies, these current events are real things that are happening, and show no signs of slowing down. The good news is that Jesus died to save you from all this. He died to clear our sin debt and give us the hope of Heaven, a place we could never get to on our own. And His signs are saying He's coming soon to rescue everyone who accepted His sacrifice and entered His family.

“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” (Romans 10:9)

For those Believers that don't think Jesus is returning soon, please pray about it and study His word. He was angry at the Pharisees of the generation of His first coming, because He said, “You know how to interpret the weather signs in the sky, but you don't know the how to interpret the signs of the times!” (Matthew 16:3).

Matthew 24's “no one knows the day/hour” is not saying that we won't know the season in which He will return. If it were, He wouldn't have gone to all the trouble of giving so many signs of the closeness of the event. “So you, too, must keep watch! For you don't know what day your Lord is coming.” (Matthew 24:42) “But you aren't in the dark about these things (signs), dear brothers and sisters, and you won't be surprised when the Day of the Lord comes like a thief.” (1 Thessalonians 5:4) Are you watching? Let's do our best to be a light as much as possible before it's too late.

“So when all these things begin to happen, stand and look up, for your salvation draws near!” (Luke 21:28)

[justinunlocd]

STORY TIME!!!

When I was in the sixth grade, I started playing in band. We had two days to look at the band and orchestra instruments, and for some reason percussion chose me; probably because of the few years before playing in Mr. Kevin Downie’s Orff Ensemble. If my memory serves me correct, Mrs. Carolyn Valiquette, my band director at the time, assigned us the task of writing a short piece for our band with a classmate; I was partnered with John Case. We wrote this piece called “Immortal,” and she liked it so much, we were able to play it at the last sixth grade band concert. I remember my older brother and grandmother being there to watch me play...

Later in middle school, eight grade year actually, I played a little solo at contest and got a “I” rating on it. It was a Handel violin sonata in F and Mrs. Celeste Smith gave me the opportunity to play it during the last band concert. I remember distinctly saying, right before I was about to play, “you ain’t gon say something?” She chuckled and obliged me a short introduction about me working on that piece and how proud she was of me. I was elated...

Ninth grade was the start of high school, which meant marching band, and I was playing snare drum with Amy, Drew, Pauline and Collin. That was the same year I started working on four-mallet technique and went to play in the front ensemble the next year. Sophomore year was also the same year the Derby High School Wind Ensemble was severed to play at KMEA. That year, I made it into the top band and was one of the four percussionists featured on our performance of David R. Gillingham’s “Concertino for Four Percussion and Wind Ensemble.” That was such a fun piece! I got to play this chromatic xylophone part in unison with Jason Lord. Glenn Woolard and Pauline Kennedy were the other feature soloists. That was probably the highlight of my high school music experience honestly, at least on the concert percussion side...

Then we get to Twelve Grade, I audition for the solo competition with the Wichita Youth Symphony. Unfortunately I only get a runner-up spot because [redacted] although I had the better performance of the excerpt I chose, Ney Rosauro’s “Concerto for Marimba and Orchestra No. 2.” However, it would only be a few years later I would be able to play the piece’s first movement, and cutting in the cadenza from the third, with the WSU Symphony Orchestra as a soloist for their Concerto-Aria Competition. That was Junior Year, and don’t we love a good vindication story?...

But I’m getting ahead of myself, sophomore year of college was the year I had a realignment of my purpose, and for the first time, chose to purposefully and intentionally move in that direction. It was November 22, 2010. We had a percussion ensemble concert that night, with guest artist, the one and only, and Wichita State University School of Music Alum, Kevin Bobo! We played his piece “Boboland,” where I got to play on the same marimba as him for a moment, it was hilarious and I still remember that moment fondly...

Funny enough, I was still an engineering major Sophomore year. At the same time, I was leaving my Physics class early to go to steel band rehearsal, and skipping Statics altogether to hang out with Patrick, Da’Kneisha and Sparkle LOL. It wasn’t until the end of that concert, where my mom sent me a text message that said something to the effect of, “if you change your major to music, we support you,” and so I decided to change my major to music, and also choose to put my pursuit of happiness above everything else...

Oh yeah, and then the percussion ensemble I was in, Impulse Percussion Group, won second place in the Konrad Wolff-Ilse Bing Chamber Music Competition to a bit of controversy à la “is percussion a chamber group/instrument...” yup, even in 2013, that was a scandal that we even participated, let alone placed...

Then for my second senior year, I finally played my senior recital and graduated college with my music degree. I already had a job setup at my church that I went into full-time one week after I graduated. (I do NOT recommend jumping from college immediately into job, it was a horrible mistake, but life happens fast.) I worked as the music director for the church for only three years before I realized my mental health was taking a toll. I became less of myself when I was at the office, I despised having to appear busy when I already completed my daily tasks (especially when I asked my supervisor for work to do, because according to him, “no one here has down time,” and he had nothing for me to do...) anyway, while on Facebook, I saw a post for an emergency percussion GTA position at WSU and I immediately contacted my old percussion professor, Jerry Scholl, on what I needed to submit to apply. Within a few weeks, I worked up the excerpts, recorded them all, and was accepted to begin my masters degree at WSU. And yes, I was fleeing a toxic work environment...

Cut to August 13, 2020. I’ve graduated with my Masters in Music. I’m a year and some change out of school and still only working gigs as to not get into a 9-5/M-F job. I’ve started modeling seriously and got signed to not one, but two agencies. But my focus wasn’t honed in with music, what do I seriously do with this degree and the accomplishments I’ve earned and worked for after college? And then I reconnected with my old best friend Da’Kneisha Nikoyle Blount. We had a conversation the day before and also on the day of our friend’s wedding. We talked about how we should do music again, we just talked about it, almost in jest, but also in a reminiscence. Who knew what we got ourselves into...

Our first music video.

Then a few articles here and there.

An inauguration.

Then a billboard.

An MLK event.

Contacted for a premiere piece.

Then our first concert.

A benefit concert.

A church service.

Recording in the studio.

A fundraising event.

A video shoot...

And now, as of May 5, 2021, I’ve performed and premiered my first wind symphony piece as a member of @tupacmeetsbach with @dnikoyle. The piece is called, “Stained with Beauty - for Solo Soprano, Solo Marimba, Wind Ensemble and Choir” and is an elaboration and development of the original song written by Da’Kneisha. The piece comprises of four movements, and is roughly 25 minutes in length. This piece is our baby and as Renee would say, “one of the most honest and innovative music projects.” I’m so thankful to all the musicians who rehearsed for months to make this performance happen!

Thank you to Dr. Timothy Shade for reaching out to us and providing us an ensemble to realize this piece. Thank you to the choir who became a nice supportive background for Da’Kneisha. Thank you to the stage techs and sound engineers for filming and recording this premiere. Thank you to my parents for financially supporting me during the pandemic to allow me to sustain while working fervently on this piece. And a special thank you to my best friend and partner in rhyme, Da’Kneisha, for your heart, your mind, and your friendship!❤️❤️❤️

Y’all have really made my dreams come true and I can’t wait to start working on the next piece already!!!

[aiikawarazu]

Hourglass Chapter #22

Title: Blue & Grey

Rated: M

Summary: Blue was the color of ocean. Grey was the color of sky in winter. In March of that year, before the cold winter melted into spring, these group of adolescents at the very center of this story experienced love, pain, heartbreak, and joy. Life was a series of choices, after all. And it was as mysterious as it could be.

FFNet here || AO3 here (AO3 is late update)

Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

In March of that year, Armin found a ring.

Ymir lost her job, while Historia got a letter.

In March of that year, Ayako finally fell in love, while Mikasa fell into despair.

But for a short while, in March, they had all experienced happiness in various sorts of ways.

March was the moment which witnessed many strange happenings. Some bonds were broken, while others were strengthened. At the beginning, no one could have seen how these seemingly random events were all connected, but then again, perhaps none of them were a coincidence.

Even months, and years after that, Mikasa still sometimes thought to herself – what would happen if she had chosen to do things differently?

If she had given a different answer, would things turn out the way did?

Or, was everything a predetermined setup from the beginning, flowing in one direction towards the inevitable outcome?

If only she had the answer to that.

It was a tale in the strange city of Shiganshina – when the weather was about to turn from piercing cold to warm, when the icy winter was about to give away into spring. Along with the coming of spring, these adolescents in the very center of this story had also melted away their youths into maturity.

It had all started on one chilly winter afternoon, when Armin picked up a lost ring.

- Winter Flower: Daffodil -

At first, Armin wasn't really sure whose ring it was. As usual, he was on his way home from school to the train station. Eren and Mikasa were off somewhere together that afternoon. They had been together a lot as of lately and to be honest, Armin knew what's going on between them. There was such subtle openness in the way they were casually behaving in one another's presence now – as though it was just natural for one of them to be with the other, just like the waves and the sea being of one existence. It was as if they had known each other for all their lives, even those hellish months full of fights and misunderstandings in September last year up to this January now felt like something that had happened a long, long time ago, probably from another lifetime. Indeed, life was as mysterious as it could be – a lot of things were set in motion after he met Eren and Mikasa, and the rest was history.

If only Armin knew, that him walking these streets today was also history in the making. Life was a series of choices, after all.

He was walking in a hurry in an attempt to catch the next train in five minutes – when suddenly he felt his foot kick a peculiar object on the side of the pavement. The small sound of metal clink brought the object to his notice. The circular thing glistened a little under winter sunlight, rolled half a meter away before losing balance and fell sideways, circling a few times before it finally settled down on the ground. Armin frowned. Carefully, he made a few steps to approach the object and slowly picked it up, feeling curiosity rising inside him.

A ring.

He turned the object in his hands. It was a modest ring, made out of metal and silver. Judging from the color, it was certainly not a new one. It had been worn out due to age – but at the same time, this ring was beautifully polished, proof that the owner was taking a good care of it despite of its age. If it was such an important thing – the owner must be looking for it now.

Armin ran his fingers on the outer circle. The size was small, the owner was probably a woman. He tried to turn it around for more clues. Could this ring belong to someone in Shiganshina North? It could be. After all, all the students had to travel past this road if they wanted to reach the station. And Armin knew that for a fact, a lot of students went to school by train.

If this belongs to a student – I could easily give it at school, Armin thought. He tried to look for name engravings, and his eyes glistened in silent triumph when he finally found it. There, on the inside of the ring, was engraved the name of a person, most likely the owner of that ring, in cursive letters.

Annie L.

"Annie…" Armin brows furrowed at the name. He was plunged deep in thought for a few seconds. The name seemed to ring a strange bell in his brain – he had heard that name somewhere… only he couldn't remember it.

Was there a student named Annie in their school? He couldn't recall anyone in his year – but she could be a first or third year. He stood still for a moment, the mysterious ring still intertwined between his fingers. Annie… What if she wasn't a student in his school after all? Shouldn't he be turning this to the police as a lost item?

He tried hard to remember. Every time it seemed like he was so close to remembering, his memories went up and over like thin smokes. He gave out a sigh of frustration. He couldn't let it go.

At that moment, Armin didn't know why he did it. He could have made a detour to the police before resuming his walk to the train station. He could have turned the ring in as a lost item – it was the most sensible thing to do. Armin was usually a pretty sensible person. But this time – just this time, something stopped him from doing it. Probably because he wanted to know who Annie was. Probably because he wanted to find out why exactly she took a really good care of such a modest, old ring. Or probably – because the image of this ring itself had made him curious about the owner.

Whatever the reason was, he squeezed the item carefully inside his hand and slipped it in his pocket. Then, he continued his walk toward the station, as if nothing happened. He had chosen to keep that ring.

- Winter Flower: Plum Blossom -

It was a chilly afternoon indeed. Even though it was March, the temperature was still freezing. Not a weather Jean would have preferred for this activity he was about to carry, but still he couldn't have chosen any other day.

He washed his face with the freezing cold water, turned the tap shut, and faced his expression in the foggy bathroom mirror. He looked scared. Scared, but ready.

"You got this," he said to himself as he slapped both hands to either side of his face. It was an attempt to bring him down to reality, a slap of truth on the face that he needed to have to perform this action. Swiftly he walked out to the bathroom, past the corridors, ran down the stairs, and finally reached the central courtyard.

And there she was, sitting on a bench at the far end of that courtyard. She wasn't looking at him, instead, she was looking upward toward the sky – it was almost as if she was waiting for the skies to open, and snow to fall.

Without wasting any chance, Jean drew in a deep breath and called.

"Mikasa!"

The girl turned to him.

"Jean?" she said, sounding both surprised and confused. He knew why she was behaving that way, of course. He would have to explain it to her.

"Ishijima told me you'd be here."

"Ayako..?" for a moment Mikasa seemed to be processing the fact, until she connected the dots together, and a hint of understanding finally passed on her face.

"She set me up, didn't she?" Mikasa asked, and Jean nodded, looking a bit guilty. "Yeah… I kinda… asked her a favor," he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Sorry for that."

Mikasa drew a long sigh and shifted uncomfortably on the bench, deliberately not looking at the boy standing before him. This air, this awkwardness and tension between them… she knew where this was going and she didn't like it. Damn it, Ayako. Why would she set her up like this? She already knew what's going to happen anyway.

"I just… I have something to say to you," she heard Jean say, and suddenly, her chest seemed to weigh a ton. She drew in another long, deep sigh and closed her eyes.

This was exactly the roots of all trouble, the beginning of it all. All the hurricane that seemed to turn her school life upside down had started from here. It was so simple really, just one event, and one wrong decision from her side.

But that one decision had branched into another mistake, and then another one, and… soon it had developed into a web caused by her series of bad decisions that slowly entangled her and trapped her inside. If there was one thing she did not understand back then when she rejected Jean, it's the fact that what happened between two persons were never only about the two of them.

She had thought that what happened between her and Jean was a matter between them both – but it was a clear mistake. It was not, and it never was. There will always be something, someone else – be it Nanako or other people, who were just as interested, as invested emotionally as both of them –in that relationship. These people's feelings would then become intricated, tangled, and as a result – all the emotions came together to cause complications that happened down the road. She was never an expert in interpersonal relationship – she didn't quite know how to deal with human emotions. A single mistake could cause a whole lot of chain reaction, which triggered the other events. But deep down, she might have known that this was an event that was bound to happen. Sh was going to have to face this, no matter what road she chose.

Slowly, slowly, she opened her eyes again to look at Jean. It took almost all of her to not run away from the spot. Jean looked conflicted, there was a lot of emotions on his face that she couldn't name. For a while, she thought of a way she should end this, in the least painful way possible, but then there was something on his eyes that just left her in a quiet reservation.

His sharp golden eyes spoke neither of hope nor anticipation. Those eyes just spoke of sorrow. They spoke of defeat. Somehow, it was the only emotion that kept her grounded. And in the next moment, she regained her senses back.

"What is it you wanted to tell me?" she asked.

She knew what was coming, she knew she might make another mistake here – just as that time when she rejected Jean but said that they could still be friends, when she accepted his invite but stood him up on their dates, twice – and when she decided to tell Nanako that she knew her feelings for Jean. She knew, and she wanted to offer her support, but Nanako just so mercilessly slapped her hands away, before proceeding to shatter their friendship to pieces. She had made countless mistakes back then – what would happen this time if she made yet another bad decision? When the inevitable happens, what then?

"I want you to know that I've given up on you."

Jean's words prompted Mikasa to look at him in surprise. There was a long silence when she gathered her thoughts, but Jean didn't interrupt her. He was looking at her, but he didn't say anything.

"What?" she opened her mouth, but that was all she could say.

"I give up," Jean repeated. "I give up chasing you, on liking you. I give up trying to make you look at me. I realize… that I am mighty stubborn at times. But I really… I want you to know that… it all ends today. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel uncomfortable before. Sometimes… I just cannot help it. I couldn't control my feelings and I caused you trouble. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry," she said before she could stop herself. "Jean, you're not at fault. I'm –"

"No, listen to me, Mikasa," he interrupted her gently, and she was silent, only her eyes imploring him to go on.

"I know I haven't got a fair chance on you. Even before Yeager came in… before all this shitstorm happened… I told you how I felt already but I got rejected. I should have given up then but I was too stubborn… I couldn't accept defeat, especially, my pride wouldn't allow me to give in. So… I kept going, over and over to chase you. I did like you but at some point…," he paused. "I realized, it might have been more about my pride than my feelings toward you."

His sorrow was replaced by something else now, a quiet, more subtle emotion. It was resignation.

"So… that's why I'm here today. To admit my defeat. Like I said… it all ends today."

"Jean…," she started, but then stopped. She didn't know what to say. She surely didn't expect any of this, but she was even more surprised that Jean would admit that the real reason he kept chasing her was because he didn't want to lose… because of his pride. For a while, she wanted to say sorry – sorry for all the things she did to him, for rejecting him and getting him entangled in her mess… It was almost at the tip of her tongue, but then, another word came up.

"Thank you, Jean," she said quietly. She could see his eyes widened in surprise. "For telling me this," she elaborated. "Thank you."

There was a speck of relief in his eyes. He was not sure how he expected her to take this – to be honest, he was actually prepared for feeling even worse, to admit a crushing defeat, but her words of gratitude set a huge burden off his chest.

"Well I guess…," he said to fill in the long stretch of uneasy silence between them, "I guess I should… thank you too." He shot her an awkward smile, which she returned just as nervously. Again, she heaved a deep sigh, and shot an upward glance.

"It's too cold here, we should –" but at that time, something caught her attention.

"It's blooming," she said almost in a whisper.

"Pardon?" asked Jean, clearly not following her. She pointed upwards, toward the tree branches that stretched above the park bench she had sat on earlier. "The flowers," she said. He followed her finger, and immediately understood what she meant.

When he found her earlier, she wasn't looking at the sky. She wasn't expecting the sky to open, or a heavy snowfall. She was probably looking upwards at these.

"Plum blossom," the said both in unison, and stared at each other in surprise.

"You didn't strike me as someone who knew about flowers," she commented, her surprised expression had changed into a somewhat soft smile.

"I guess… there are some things you might not know about me," Jean shrugged and answered rather bashfully. "I can see why you are excited, though," he shot an upwards glace again at the plum blossom buds, which had begun to blossom silently in the cold weather. "It takes a while for them to bloom this year."

"They bloom in the most adverse weather," he heard her say. "In the coldest winter climate – they survive and blossom. Don't you think it's amazing?" He stared at her face, which had softened considerably. She was still silently admiring the early blooms. He could sense a somewhat deeper meaning behind her words, but he couldn't dare to probe.

"I agree," he said finally. "People say flowers are weak because they live only for a short while, but for sure they're stronger than us. I mean… look at us now." He suddenly realized that he had been shivering. It was damn cold. "Listen, it's been a good talk, but we should probably go inside, yeah? Let's not catch cold."

Mikasa laughed. It was probably the first time ever that Jean was able to make her laugh, and he was taken aback.

"You were the one who asked to meet me here," she said. "Idiot."

Wow. That's two times she made him surprised today. The entire time he knew her, she never used any kind of bad words, even those that people normally considered as mild profanities.

"You have changed," he commented. Only after seeing her look of surprise did he realize that he had been saying it out loud… yet again. He covered his mouth in embarrassment. Him and his big mouth. One of these days, he should really learn to control it. But since he already said it anyway….

"Is it Yeager?" he asked. For a long while, Mikasa didn't speak. Her hand jumped to the red scarf she always had around her neck. It was just lately that she began wearing it, Jean had never seen her with it earlier, and yet, these days she was almost never seen without it. Mikasa tightened the scarf nervously, burying her lower face in it. Jean could still see her face glowing with hint of scarlet. Her reaction had said it all.

"Alright, I won't ask again," he said, sounding resigned. He was somewhat satisfied to have found his answer, though it did hurt a bit. But he had known this for a long while, so what difference did it make? He considered her again carefully, and speak, from the bottom of his heart this time.

"You look happier these days, Mikasa. I'm happy for you."

Beneath her scarf, Mikasa silently thanked him with a grateful smile.

***

"So? How did it go?" Jean just slipped his uniform open to change it with a T-shirt for a drama club practice, when a voice made him turn.

"Ishijima!" he yelled. "This is boys' locker room."

"You know no one cares about that rule," said Ayako, walking leisurely toward him and sitting on the bench nearby. "What did Mikasa say?"

"No – still, this is invasion of privacy, you know."

"What did Mikasa say?" Ayako asked again, more urge in her voice this time. Jean sighed.

"What else could she say? And just so you know, I did not confess. I went there to tell her that I'd give up on chasing her."

"Oh –" this came as a surprise to Ayako. Then, after a slight pause, "Jean… I'm so sorry."

"Don't be – it was my decision." He finished putting on a T-shirt and closed his locker with a clank. "And if anything… I was wrong about her." Ayako looked curious at this statement.

"About what?"

"Well," Jean sent her a sideways glance before continuing. "How should I say it… I think she's changed. The old Mikasa that I knew… she was beautiful but so cold, you know? It was like she never had life instilled in her. But these days, she's more… lively. I mean.. she called me an idiot for having her to meet me outside in the cold." Ayako burst out laughing.

"You probably deserved," she said. "Were you surprised?"

"Took the life out of me," Jean replied sarcastically. "It was Yeager after all… right?" he directed this question at Ayako, who only replied with a discreet smile.

"So you don't want to answer too? Damn it," Jean sighed. "Anyway, I'm over her now, I just wish her plenty of happiness." He shrugged, and began to walk toward the exit.

"You know, Jean..," he could hear Ayako call him from behind, but his words exploded before he could help it.

"I know… I sound like a loser, don't I?"

I wish you plenty of happiness was a bunch of bullshit. It took him a lot of courage to say that. To swallow his own pride, his own feelings for her, and to admit that he would bow out gracefully and declare defeat. It was a defining moment where he decided that he should never look at her again with a different feeling other than friends.

And still, in that damn little corner of his mind, there was a small voice that never wanted to shut up.

I wish you all the happiness. But when will I get my own happiness?

"Don't say that," said Ayako, rising up from the bench. She walked nearer to him, and sent a gentle squeeze on his arm. "How about… a consolation date?"

Jean turned, and regarded the brown-haired girl with a surprised look.

"What?"

"I'm free this Saturday," she said playfully. "So… let's have a date." Jean blinked a few times.

"Are you… are you joking, or…?"

"Really…. Are you seriously going to hurt a girl's feelings after I ask you out like this?" Ayako crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Are you free this Saturday, or not?"

"I –" It took a while for Jean to process her question. She really was serious.

"Of course. I'm free," he finally relented.

"Great!" she broke into a smile, and Jean was taken aback. For a split second, with smile lighting up her face, Ayako did look positively lovely. "Let's decide where to go later after practice then. See you!"

And with that, she trotted out of the locker room, leaving Jean in stunned silence.

- Winter Flower: Camellia -

"You can't do this," Ymir said, half in desperation, as she stared to the person standing in front of her – who returned her plea with a very cold expression.

"I'm sorry."

"No!" Ymir screamed. "What are you saying… you can't just – up and fire someone like that, you know? I'm – I'm the longest employed staff here, I never come late to work, never caused any trouble, why… why are you doing this?"

"Like I said," the staff who stood before her repeated with the same cold, bored expression. "This is boss's decision."

"Then let me talk to boss!"

"No use. That's why he wanted me to talk to you instead."

Ymir clenched her fists, her breath hitched up her throat in frustration. "I've got bills to pay, Takagi-san," she said, trying to keep her voice down, "You know I live alone, you know how my situation is, right? The boss knows too! Why are you doing this to me?"

"Business isn't exactly easy these days," Takagi replied with a sour smile.

"And so is my life!" Ymir's voice rose again. "If you fire me, I won't have any source of income, how… how am I supposed to live?" she clutched the front of her shirt, trying very hard to keep her emotions in check. "Are you telling me to go out there and die, Takagi-san?"

"Enough!" Takagi raised his voice too now. "The boss has already done enough for you, Ymir! Don't you realize it? We're employing an underage kid here, in a bar! We falsified your age and thanks to the boss, we never got discovered though we've come pretty close to it many, many times! Who do you think covered for your ass all those times?" Ymir looked away in guilt. It was true, the boss was the only one who took her in and employed her here despite her being underage after hearing about her situation. Thanks to that, she was able to cover for her rent, bills, and tuition for school. If not for the boss' kindness, she would be wasting away out there in the street since a long time ago.

"You should be in the social service, not here," Takagi told her, and Ymir eyed him with deep resentment. "I'm saying the truth," he said, not wavering under Ymir's look of profound distaste. You are underage, you are still in school. You shouldn't be working here. After shift is over today, pack your things." Ymir didn't say anything, she only looked down with her fists still clenched. Takagi sighed, then slowly put his arms on Ymir's shoulders.

"You need to be where you belong, Ymir."

She shook his hands away. "What do you know about where I belong?" She shot back sharply, her eyes glistened of fury, but also of tears. "In the end, you're just trying to make yourself feel good about this decision, aren't you? You kicked me out, and now I won't have money to survive! What a bunch of bullshit, saying you do this for my sake!" she shouted bitterly, and slammed her fist to her locker door in her anger outburst. She ignored Takagi's hurtful and surprised expression. Why was he the one acting like he's hurt – when clearly she was the one being kicked out here?

"If you want me out, fine! I don't need until the end of this shift. I'll get out now!" She grabbed her bag and her coat, and dashed to the exit, eyes blinded by tears. She felt angry, but more than that – she felt miserable. Once again, someone she thought she knew had betrayed her trust. Once again, she was left with no place in this world.

***

A sound of broken glass from her sister's room alarmed Frieda Reiss. She ran upstairs, and immediately knocked on her bedroom door.

"Historia?" she asked worriedly, "What happened? Are you alright?" after a few seconds of tense silence, she was relieved to finally hear her sister reply.

"Yes… I'm fine."

Her voice sounded a bit shaky and Frieda raised her eyebrows, looking unconvinced.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes… I'm sorry, I'm just a little bit tired. I knocked over the cup when I was moving some stuff," she answered again. Then, after a slight pause, "I'll clean this up immediately and go to sleep, I'm sorry…"

"That's fine," Frieda said. "Do you need any help?"

"No… I'm alright. Thank you," she said politely.

"If you say so," Frieda said, and she began to walk away from her sister's door. Inside, Historia waited until she heard her sister's footsteps going away down the stairs, then sighed in relief. Hurriedly, she gazed down to the letter in her hand. It looked like an ordinary, simple letter. The envelope had an ivory hue, the thickness indicated that it was of good quality. It might have passed for a wedding invitation, had it not been for the wax seal on the front of the envelope bearing an intricate capital letter 'R'. Once Historia saw the wax symbol, she knew who that letter was from, and that's practically why she dropped the cup she was holding on the other hand.

She glanced at the sender's name scribbled on the bottom right of the envelope, her heart racing when she saw the name.

Rod Reiss.

- Snow Flower -

Armin lay on his bed, his hair still damp from shower, carefully holding up the ring he just found back in the afternoon between the thumb and index finger of his right hand.

Annie.

He knew he had heard that name somewhere. He tried racking his brain, tried searching the internet for it – for an Annie that lived in Shiganshina, but there were too many results that he couldn't possibly dig in one by one.

Was he behaving stupid right now? What if the owner was frantically searching for her lost ring? Why didn't he just turn it in to the police station?

Maybe tomorrow I should just wait for the owner to show up near the place I found this ring, Armin thought. She will show up, and I can tell her I found this yesterday and decided to keep it.

Armin didn't know when he fell asleep. He was pretty tired, he didn't even wake up when his grandfather knocked on his door, found his grandson fast asleep, then turned off the lamp. However, just a few hours after, he suddenly he found himself wide awake. He didn't know exactly what woke him up. Floating between his consciousness, he sent a quick glance at the bedside table, and found that it was past 2 in the morning. Armin lay back down and tried to go back to sleep, but suddenly, a strange voice was ringing on his ears.

Annie… what are you doing here?

Eren's voice. Where did he her it before?

Armin tried to focus. Then, the memories came to him all at once.

That breezy autumn day in October, when Eren had just moved to Shiganshina North High, Armin had walked to the school front gate and found a female student waiting for Eren. Blonde hair, icy blue eyes, pale face as pretty as an ocean in winter. She gave him chills when she spoke.

Her name was… Annie.

***

"No."

"Please, please please… can we just ride the Takabisha one more time?"

"Hell no! My life was flashing before my eyes during that ride, you know?"

"Exactly! That's why it's so fun, right?"

"Stop it."

"Oh come on… just once? After the steep drop it wasn't too bad."

Jean regarded the girl standing before him, who was practically bubbling with excitement, jumping up and down, trying to get him to ride the Takabisha one more time with her. He sighed, then sent a dark look over the towering figure of that coaster, which rose straight up toward the sky from the ground level to 43 meters in height. Why would anyone design something so incredibly evil, Jean would never know. Not only it was high, they had to drop the coaster from 42 meters high in a world-record steepest angle of 121 degrees, took them through multiple twists and turns, going from 0 to 100 km per hours in only 2 seconds, before finally stopping in the finish line. It was only roughly a minute ride, but it was enough to scar Jean for a lifetime. He could painfully feel all the regrets in life coming back to him during the ride – and couldn't be more relieved when it was over.

But Ayako seemed to think otherwise. When she said she wanted to go on the ride again, Jean was struck with horror.

"Must you really pick something so scary?" he asked miserably. "Why can't we… have some normal rides or just…"

"Then how about the Haunted House?" she asked, and Jean's heart sunk. This park's haunted house was famous as a labyrinth modelled after some old, abandoned asylum, in which the visitors were responsible to find their own way out, with no guarantee what kind of ghosts or terrors they would encounter on the way. It was a gigantic attraction, and some visitors even couldn't find the way out for hours.

Something about the combination of being stuck for hours in a dark, scary place, modelled after some abandoned mental hospital really didn't have Jean running enthusiastically for it. No, he didn't even want to go inside, if he could. He sighed.

"Why don't we… just sit here, okay? I'll buy us some coffee." He motioned to a bench near them, and was relieved when Ayako finally nodded okay. "Latte for me," she said, and Jean nodded, quickly making his way to the nearest coffee shop before she changed her mind again and try to get him on another scary ride.

He had known that Ayako was pretty energetic and all, she was always such a contrast to Mikasa's calm and collected demeanor. When she suggested they should have their date at an amusement park, he agreed, thinking that it was a mighty fitting place for her. What he didn't know was – how much she was into scary rides and horror stuff. She breezed through all the stuff like it was nothing, enjoying them even, while he could barely even stomach it. After a drop tower ride, a 360-degree vertical rotation, a pirate ship, and finally, the infamous Takabisha which gave his stomach a dangerous turn he was almost sure he'd throw up his lunch – Ayako asked him to get on the ride one more time with such glimmer in her eyes like she'd just experienced her dream of a lifetime coming true, while he felt like he was on the verge of death.

He couldn't believe her.

Thankfully she agreed on his idea to sit down over a cup of coffee. He would have to think what he'd say to her later when they started moving again, though. Why can't they ride something that will plant their feet on the ground, for once? Jean was determined to not go to another coaster or a haunted house.

"Thank you," she said enthusiastically, retrieving her cup of hot latte from Jean, who proceeded to sit beside her.

"This park is so fun!" she commented. "I'm glad you found it so," Jean muttered darkly. He gazed down at the cup of hot americano he held in his left hand, slightly slouching with both elbows resting on his thighs. His dark tone didn't escape her attention. She raised her eyebrows, then, after a few moments of studying the boy in silence, she spoke.

"You were really scared, weren't you?"

Jean turned to face her. She sounded curious, but he saw a look of genuine concern in her face. He had to turn away quickly then, for the sight of her bright hazel eyes and blossoming pink cheeks were suddenly too much for him to bear.

"I'm sorry. I got too overexcited."

He heard her speak, and he blinked. Ayako looked a bit sheepish. "I was so excited to finally come here – I wanted to try everything so I just dragged you without thinking. I'm sorry… I was inconsiderate."

"No, don't apologize," Jean cut in quickly, as he felt his guilt sank in. "I mean I – I should be the one to…" he stuttered out, feeling devastated at her words. He couldn't help but mentally slap himself. Damn it! What kind of guy was he? Why couldn't he have handled a few scary rides? She was having so much fun, and he completely ruined it for her.

"There's a reason I want to go here, you know," she said, playing with the latte cup in her hands. It's… um… but, promise you're not gonna be mad?" she eyed him with a look, and he, feeling curiosity had taken over him, simply nodded.

"It's that… extreme rides trigger an experience that releases adrenaline. And Adrenaline helps you forget the bad things easier," she said, and he frowned, not quite getting what she meant.

"Oh God, you are so slow," she laughed, half in desperation. "I want you to have a good time. I want you to make good memories. I thought after everything that's happened… you would need to unwind, relax, and release the tension. That's why… that's why I chose this place. But to be honest, I didn't know you would be scared instead," she twirled her brown locks in her hand, looking somewhat guilty. "Sorry."

"No," Jean started. He didn't know why she would say sorry – he should be sorry instead, for ruining the experience for her, after everything she did to cheer him up. He felt so stupid.

"It takes a while to get used to, these things," she said, and Jean blinked.

"Roller coasters?"

"No, you silly," she laughed. "Moving on from someone you loved."

Her words were met with a stunned silence. She gave out a sigh.

"It's not like it is something that can happen overnight," she said. "People talk as if it's an easy thing to do – but it's not. That's why you shouldn't worry. Just take your own pace, do one thing at a time. And slowly, slowly you will heal." She smiled. "You have to."

He couldn't bring himself to say anything to her. He'd had this thought a few times about Ayako, but it was always just a fleeting thought. After all, he was always too busy paying attention to Mikasa that he never had eyes for anything else. Despite being in the same club, Jean never even had a proper time to converse with her. It was as though this was the first time Jean had really ever seen her. He knew Ayako mostly from the school rumors, she was pretty, goes to blind-date a lot, easy to get laid with and would probably do it for money. She's an easy-win, that's how guys would often call her. There were still various other names that people used to describe her. But it never really captured the essence of her as a person, and this was the first time Jean realized that Ayako, despite everything else that people might call her, really could be considered quite mature and thoughtful for her age.

"It's nice," he said finally, with a relieved smile.

"What is?" she sent him a curious glance, looking at him through the brim of the latte cup, which she was drinking to fill in the empty silence.

"Discovering a new side of someone we thought we knew." This time it was her turn to not follow his words.

"Sorry?"

"I'm talking about you," he said quite humorously. "Ishijima."

"Oh, just drop the formalities," she said. "You can call me Ayako."

"Ayako," he liked the way that name rolled off his tongue.

"Jean," she replied. They looked at each other for a few stunned seconds, then, a hint of smile began to form at the corner of her lips. He didn't know why, but he suddenly found this hilarious also. As he mirrored her expression, his eyes lit up. And the next second, they both burst into laughter.

***

It's not here. It's not here. It's not here

Annie was searching frantically, retracing her steps back from yesterday, turning every stone, every nook and cranny, but still she couldn't find it.

Her ring was gone.

She clutched at her chest with devastation. She had always worn the ring every day, dangling it on a silver chain around her neck, but yesterday, the chain was broken, and she only realized she had lost her ring when she arrived home.

She couldn't sleep that night and couldn't pay attention at all to school the day after. When the fourth period bell rang, she slipped out of class and retraced her steps back, from the train station to the streets she walked to the places she visited, but none of them resulted in any good news. It was almost hopeless, she knew. But she couldn't give up.

She let fatigue overtake her when she finally rested a bit on the way uphill to Shiganshina North High. She was here yesterday, looking for Eren, but she couldn't meet him. She leaned back against the stone wall on the side of the street and slowly sank down, crouching. The cold of winter was biting her cheeks. She was exhausted. She covered her tired eyes with both her hands, sighing in frustration. What would happen if she didn't find that ring? She didn't want to think. She had to find it… she had to. It was the only memento she had left from her father, from their earlier years together.

From their happier years.

"Excuse me," a voice came up, and she burrowed her face deeper in her hands, hoping it would go away.

"Excuse me," the voice repeated, and she ignored it even further. This voice was quite persistent, so annoying….

"Annie," now the voice called her name, and she immediately looked up. A pair of big, blue orbs were staring back at her, those belonging to a boy of her age. Blonde hair was framing his face, and he looked concerned, but relieved. Annie frowned. She remembered him.

"You are Eren's friend," she said, almost matter-of-factly. "How did you know my name?"

"About that…," the boy reached out to his trousers' pocket, and brought out something inside his fist. Slowly, he opened his hand in front of Annie, revealing the object he was holding. The girl immediately let out a gasp, and covered her mouth.

"It's yours… right? I found it yesterday."

She stretched out her trembling hand to pick up her ring from Armin's hand, her breath seemed like it had stopped in her throat all the while. She had almost given up all hope to find it, but here it was now, by some kind of miracle, this boy had somehow returned this ring to her.

She clutched the ring tightly inside her hands and brought it in front of her chest, closing her eyelids so hard and drew in a deep breath to stop tears from pouring out.

"I thought… it might be an important thing for you. That's why I didn't give it to the police," she heard his soft voice, and she slowly looked up again. She was too relieved in finding her ring back, she'd forgotten to even thank him.

"Thank you," she said, genuinely. For a while, her never-ending cold expression was replaced with a smile, which Armin regarded with surprise. She looked completely different when she smiled. And if her frosty eyes were filled with some kind of cool animosity toward him before, now it was more of a quiet, yet still distant, acknowledgement of him.

"You are welcome," said Armin. He returned the girl's smile with a speck of relief. "I'm glad."

She looked surprised. "For what?" she asked.

"Ah, well… I'm just thinking….," Armin paused. Should he say it? But he's rarely ever going to see her anyway, so… might as well take his chance now.

"I just think… you look really nice when you smile."

She looked surprised, but, Armin noted in huge relief, not in a bad way. It seemed she was taken aback at his comment, but it's not in any way unwelcome for her. She stared at him for a few long seconds, before asking.

"What's your name?"

"Armin. Armin Arlelt."

She seemed to think for a while, then…

"If there is anything I can do to thank you, let me know. I'll do it if I can."

Armin hesitated for a while. "There is… one thing I would like to ask then," he said.

"Yes?"

"Do you mind… do you mind to give me your number?"

- Blue Side -

"An Instax?"

"This kind of thing is all over the social media lately. Gives you the kind of retro feels," Armin showed up his brand-new polaroid camera to Mikasa. He had got an Instax Mini 90, a nice and compact polaroid camera with well-polished black faux leather and silver metal body, which, like Armin said, completely gave Mikasa retro vibes.

"Can I try it? I promise not to waste any films," she asked, and he smiled.

"Don't have to worry about it," Armin handed the camera over to her, and she pointed the camera to his direction, capturing him in the viewfinder window.

"Okay, smile," she said. Armin gave her a huge grin, then she clicked.

The camera produced a whirring noise, then the film came out, still looking like a blank piece of paper.

"It's going to take a while to develop," Armin said and she nodded, setting it aside.

"Eren!" she called out to the other boy, now pointing the camera to him. "Look here."

"What?" Eren was laying on his back on a wide space near the window sill, playing with the basket ball that he had somehow snuck out from the sports warehouse. He threw the ball upwards into the air, and caught it as it came back down, sometimes twirling it on the tip of his index finger. He didn't seem to be paying attention to Mikasa or Armin.

"You're going to break something in this lab with that ball soon, I just know it," said Mikasa.

He grinned. "You wish," he said, and continued to bounce the ball upward and caught it mid-air.

"When that happens, I'm not gonna cover up for you, by the way."

"Me either," Armin chimed in.

"Well, why should we meet up in a science lab anyway?" he protested. "There are other safer places I'm sure. Somewhere we're not at risk of breaking things."

"We are not at any risk of breaking things, mind you."

"Yeah, only you are, Eren."

"Also, everywhere else is full. The third years are having their cram period before the exam so we can't use the classrooms. And the home economics lab is locked cause some students from first year blew up a fuse during their cooking practice today."

"Sounds lovely," Eren commented.

"Hold that pose," said Mikasa finally, when Eren just caught the ball for what must have been the hundredth time. He looked at her, questioning, but she already clicked the camera shutter quickly. She pulled out the polaroid film, and set it aside with Armin's, which had turned out nicely.

"Nice lighting," Armin commented. "Nice use of the window light there, Mikasa."

"I'm bored," Eren interjected, finally rising from his place. "Isn't there something we can do?"

"I don't know about you – but I'm broke," said Armin. "Spent all my allowance to buy this camera."

"I don't have that much too," Mikasa commented. "Have to last until the end of the week with what little I got left."

"How much does everyone have?" said Eren. "Let's put them together."

Armin and Mikasa sent a sideways look, but they grabbed their wallets anyway to pull out their remaining pocket money. They didn't have much indeed.

"We can't go very far with these," said Eren, thinking.

"Told you."

"How about just going to that convenience store down the road to grab some cup noodles and hot coffee?" Armin said, and Mikasa was about to agree with his idea, when Eren suddenly cut in.

"No wait… I got a better idea."

***

"Whose brilliant idea was this to go to the ocean in winter?" Mikasa protested through her chattering teeth.

"Shut up, you already agreed to it anyway, so don't protest!" Eren shot back, annoyed.

The three of them now stood on Shiganshina's open coast, having just exited the bus that took them to this place. The bus driver sent them a look as if they were crazy for going to the ocean in this weather, and Mikasa definitely had to agree.

They set out on the descending staircase that brought them all the way to the beach, the freezing wind blew mercilessly all the while, cutting through their skin, and sending chills all the way down to their bones. Mikasa's hair was blown away by the fearless wind, hopelessly tangled now in all direction. Half of her regretted going here, but she knew anyway Eren wouldn't have let her say no to his plans. She had no choice but to go along with him. Once they had descended all the way to the bottom, she began taking out her socks and shoes, while Eren and Armin sent her a look.

"Might as well," she tried to bite back the cold that seemed to seep through her bones. "Go all the way now that we're here."

She put away her bag, socks and shoes, then ran bare-footed toward the ocean to catch the waves. She winced when her toes came into contact with the waves.

"Cold!" she muttered. "Eren, Armin, come on," she waved at them. "Let's have a contest to see who can last longer in these cold waves!"

Eren already took off his shoes and socks and was now running to catch her. Armin was worried about catching a cold, although he couldn't help but follow in his friends' footsteps.

"Shoot! It's so damn cold!" Eren shivered as he stood now with his feet planted in the sand, waves sweeping freely at his feet. Mikasa, who noticed the close distance between them, quietly bent down, scooped a handful of water, and splashed it at him.

"Ouch! Hey, Mikasa? What the hell?"

"That's for making us going to the ocean in winter," she said, her eyes glinting humorously. Then, she ran away before Eren could have got back at her, smiling as she heard his frustrated groan. From the reverberating sounds of footsteps though, she knew that Eren was chasing after her. He could try – he'd run a marathon before she ever let him catch her. Knowing that it was futile, Eren soon stopped his attempt. He paused to catch his breath. Mikasa wasn't called the fastest runner in class for nothing, after all.

"Eren, Mikasa!" Armin called, waving his hand to both of them. He was standing a little way up, closer to the staircase, where waves wouldn't reach him. "Get here, I'm taking your picture." He had his polaroid camera ready in hand.

Mikasa came close, still slightly wary of Eren, wondering if the boy would somehow try to use this chance get back at her. Eren noticed her, then held up a 'peace' sign.

"Let's call it a truce," he said. She frowned. She couldn't trust him at all.

"Get closer!" Armin shouted over the sound of the wind and waves crashing, "You're not even on one frame!"

So – after sending quick glances toward one another, they began to walk closer, and stood side by side. Armin peeked through the viewfinder, and gave a frustrated groan.

"You guys look like an old married couple who's fighting and haven't said anything to each other in weeks," Armin said. "Can't you just be a little more… peaceful?"

At this, Mikasa felt Eren's right hand circled down her waist. Before she had a chance to react, he had jerked her closer, and now they stood side by side without distance, his chest to her back.

"Now?" he asked Armin, almost as calmly as if they were making a commemorative class photograph. Her breath seemed to have stopped in her chest. She opened her mouth to protest, but he cut in.

"Be quiet," he said, locking his eyes with hers with an obvious grin, "Or else I'll kiss."

She could feel the heat radiating from her face upon hearing those words. God – surely this was his way of getting back at her. Despite how they were behaving in private, he knew how reserved she was when they were in front of others – even if that someone other happened to be Armin. She couldn't find any retort to give him, so she just stayed silent and looked down, until Armin shouted at her to look at the camera.

"Much better," Armin grinned in satisfaction, when she finally did. He clicked the shutter before Mikasa could say anything else, and soon he had flicked the undeveloped film inside his hand. He felt rather amused. Just because he knew what's going on between them – didn't mean he shouldn't give them a tease.

He was about to go up to retrieve more polaroid films from his bag, when he suddenly heard a scream from behind him. Alarmed, he quickly looked back. Apparently, Eren had been successful in getting back at Mikasa by splashing her with a handful of cold, freezing water. And now he's got a very angry Mikasa chasing after him. Armin sighed, and continued his climb. He will not be responsible if both of them catch colds tomorrow.

[longitud-de-onda]

{un veneno} january: captivate

pairing; javier peña x female reader summary; the year is 1980. javier peña has been at the embassy in bogotá for a year when he meets you, fresh out of college and brand new to the country. rating; nc-17 warnings; smoking, masturbation word count; 2.4k a/n; so this is a passion project of mine, it will be 12 chapters, full of fluff, smut, warm tropical nights, and later on, a lot of angst. bonus; there’s a playlist for the series! check it out here on spotify or message me for apple music

un veneno masterlist

“Quero um–no, fuck–un paquete de cigarros?” you said to the shop attendant. Spanish was no easy task. It was a dumb decision to come here without any knowledge of the language, but you had assumed some university-level Portuguese would help. Apparently not, because the man behind the counter shot you a confused look as he pulled a pack from the shelves behind them. He understood, that was clear, but you didn’t know the words.

“Ella quiere unas Pielrojas porfa, con filtro,” said a voice behind you, “No esos malditos y caros Marlboros. Bueno, que sean dos y yo pago.”

“Señor Peña, ¿cómo vas?” the shopkeeper said, and you turned to look at this ‘Señor Peña.’

He was a bit taller than you, and more than a bit older. Tanned skin, tight pants, a pink shirt. A large pair of orange-tinted sunglasses masked his eyes.

“Muy bién, Roberto, ¿y cómo va tu esposa?” He said, and the shopkeeper laughed. You only caught a few words of the exchange and were unsure if you were getting your cigarettes.

You flew into Bogotá the day before and had just gotten settled at the hostel you’d be staying in for the next couple of weeks. It had been a solid three days since you’d had a smoke and you wanted to go to the park nearby and relax.

The man turned to you and began to speak with a rough but refreshingly familiar American accent, tinged with the light musicality of the Southern states, “I’m sorry ma’am for the interruption, but Roberto here was going to try to sell you the Marlboros, which are much to overpriced, and I couldn’t let a pretty little thing like you get ripped off like that.”

“Thank you? But I can handle myself,” you said.

“Obviously not, you sound like you’re confusing Portuguese for Spanish, which just won’t cut it here,” he said, turning to pay for the two boxes that Roberto placed on the counter.

He tossed you one pack, which you fumbled with, clutching it against your stomach to ensure it didn’t fall. He laughed.

“That right there’s a pack of Pielroja, it’s loosely packed, so I hope you don’t mind, but it’s cheaper, local, and ten times better,” he said.

“Thanks,” you said. As interesting as the guy was, you really wanted to leave for the park. Colombia wasn’t your first rodeo, but somehow every new country was exhausting between the 24th and 32nd hour marks.

“You’re welcome,” he said as you brushed by him and walked out the door.

Outside the shop, you paused to fish your lighter out of your bag.

“So what’s an American girl doing in Bogotá all alone?” The man was back, standing in front of you.

“You just don’t stop, do you?”

“Not really, no,” he grinned, leaning back against the building.

You opened the pack of cigarettes he bought you, lit one, and drew it to your lips.

“So, do you like it?” he was messing around with his own box and pulled out one. He held it out to you, silently asking for you to light it. You complied.

You weren’t sure if he was talking about cigarettes or Bogotá. “It’s nice. So far,” you said, exhaling smoke.

He laughed again, this time bringing a smile to your face. He had a nice laugh.

“You never answered me, what are you doing here?”

“Teaching English at an elementary school nearby, I start next week,” you said.

His eyebrows shot up, “How old are you? 20?”

“22.”

“What kind of 22-year-old wants to be a schoolteacher?” he said.

“Me, apparently,” you said, “But it’s not my career or anything. Graduated last May, I’ve been traveling and teaching English, got a gig here, whole school year, pays pretty well, I’m excited.”

“You’re crazy,” he said, “22, fresh out of college, your only experience out of the states was probably in Europe, and you’re gonna teach kids? In Colombia?”

“What’s wrong with a bit of crazy?” you said.

“What’s your name?” he asked, ignoring your question.

“Y/N.”

“Y/N,” he said. You liked how he said your name. “I’m Javier.”

“Nice to meet you,” you said, staring at him propped up against the building.

The top two buttons of his shirt were open, and a thin sheen of sweat lay over his chest and face. Something about the look with the broad mustache made him appear like he was stuck in ‘73. His smile was one of those that reached the eyes and spilled into those around him.

You exhaled carefully.

“So, what are you doing in Colombia?” you asked.

“I work for the American embassy,” he said. There was a pause as he waited for the impressed look on your face that never came.

“What is this then, a welcome package?” you asked, chuckling to yourself.

“It could be,” he pushed himself off the wall and took another drag, “But then again, you’re only 22.”

“What does that have to—oh.” You found yourself laughing again. Javier was the sort of guy that you’d probably slap in the face back in the USA. But here, with the cloud cover doing nothing to mask the heat and humidity, the smell of papaya and passion fruit wafting through the air, you were only amused.

“See you around, Y/N,” Javier said, and he walked down the sidewalk before turning a corner and disappearing.

Five days of getting to know hundreds of students in different classes during the first week of school, all while trying to develop lesson plans, left you lying in your hostel bed on a Friday night. You were alone in the room, the rest of the residents out partying, as per usual for a hostel in the middle of a city.

You would have loved to be out too, Colombian Rock and rum thrumming through your body, dancing with someone, going home with someone.

But you had spent too much energy this week and partying would have to wait. You had a year left in Bogotá, at least another 50 Friday nights. Lesson planning would let up once you got into a rhythm. And figured out a living situation.

One of the other teachers had offered her spare bedroom during February and a bit of March, but her daughter would be back in town after that, and you’d lose the space. The wait until you got your own space in February felt far away. March even further. But planning for that needed to happen sooner rather than later. The hostel bed was killing you, and you hated the drunk guys coming and going.

At least you knew you’d be alone for another hour. No one dared come back before midnight; if you were caught calling it an early night it was certain fodder for shame the next morning. At least, that was the way your roommates worked.

Still, to be safe, you closed the curtain, encapsulating yourself on your bed in the darkness. You closed your eyes and slipped one hand down your stomach, dipping under the waistband of your pants and into your underwear.

As your fingers brushed over your clit, you let out a small gasp, your free hand fisting into the sheets. The last time you had been touched was over a month ago, back during the cold December winter weather in Brussels. You worked your hand across your slit, telling yourself this had to be a one-time thing. You would go out, find a good hookup this week.

Your brain was overworking, shuddering in pleasure, and the man from last week flickered across your vision: Javier.

You imagined his chest, the open shirt leaving a trail right down his chest, glowing in the sun. You slipped a finger inside, gasping at the sensation.

He would probably take you to bed if you played your cards right. If you found him again. He seemed to have that kind of character. You remembered his last words to you, suggestive and sensual.

He was older, probably by a lot. You shouldn’t be thinking about him, but you wanted him to hold you in his arms, kiss your neck. You imagined how he’d taste, probably like cigarettes and whiskey.

The thought of his hands snaking down your waist, pulling you closer almost sent you over and you moved your fingers faster. His smile, snarky and self-obsessed as it was, had worked its way into your brain, and you wondered where he was now.

Did he remember you? Had he laid in bed like you were now, getting himself off to your name? And that image, flooding into your brain, as unrealistic as it was, caused you to almost scream out loud, your whole body spasming.

Finally relaxed, your body almost limp on the bed, you became aware of the layer of sweat that now covered your body, and made up your mind to take a shower. As soon as you recover. That was the best orgasm you had had in months. But where had those thoughts come from?

You had only seen Javier that one time, right outside the corner store, then tried and failed to shove him out of your mind. In the few minutes you had known him, you had decided he was an asshole who didn’t deserve your time, but the sort of asshole you could see yourself becoming good friends with.

If he was years younger, you could have imagined traveling with him, continuing your round-the-world travels with Javier would have been amazing. You had seen so many things during your six months in Europe and met so many people. Many of the backpackers at the youth hostels you stayed at traveled with others. Mostly, they were single, their companions just good fun and friendship for the journey.

You had long since imagined meeting someone on the road like they did, someone that would sweep you off your feet and set aside a year of their life to spend with you, hopping from country to country, odd job to odd job.

Javier’s shit-eating grin and verbal wit would stick in your mind long after you left Colombia. And here you were, getting off to him.

If he lived in Bogotá? Worked at the embassy, probably lived nearby? You’d probably see him again. And you’d have to look at him in the eye, the only thing running through your mind the memory of tonight.

You wanted to see him again. Wanted to have lunch and smoke with him. Wanted him to show you around. But after what you just did, you didn’t know if that was possible.

Sex was no stranger to you, the one night stands being a common figure in your life throughout college, but even you wouldn’t go for someone as old as him. You had standards. A guy his age was reserved for friendship. At least, that’s what you told yourself. Until now.

“God, I’m fucked,” you breathed out, sitting up and gathering your shower stuff before heading to the bathroom.

Javier had returned to the corner store every day for the past two weeks, hoping to catch a glimpse of you again. He was back today, 15:30, hopefully after school got out, he imagined, eyes scanning the store as he lingered by the refrigerators full of six-packs.

The bell rang as someone walked in and he looked up. You stood there, exhausted from a day of child-wrangling and his eyes lit up.

All you wanted was a bottle of something and a shitty candy bar. You were roaming the aisles, trying to settle between the foreign brands of chocolate when Javier approached.

“Y/N,” he said, causing you to startle as you looked up. A deep red blush began to blossom across your cheeks as you took him in. He was even better in person.

“Javier, what a coincidence, running into you here again,” that was a lie. You walked past four other stores just to come here, hoping he would be nearby.

“Yeah... a coincidence,” he said, reaching down to grab a candy bar. “This one’s the best, that is, if you like milk chocolate.”

“So two weeks later and all you’re still giving me local product recommendations? You should write for the newspaper,” you laughed, signaling you didn’t want the chocolate when he tried to hand it to you, “But you’d be wrong, because the only good chocolate is dark chocolate.”

“You like that bitter shit?” he said, still holding the bar in his hands.

You reached down for something that said 85% and figured that would be dark enough for you.

“Gross,” he said.

“You can leave,” you said.

You didn’t want him to leave.

“Do you want to go for a coffee?” he said. “You look exhausted.”

“Real good way to charm a woman,” it should have stung, but when Javier said it, you smiled.

“That, um, sounded bad, didn’t it?” his brow was furrowed and his smile was gone.

“Yeah, it did,” you kept smiling, hoping he would light up again. You wanted his excited face burnt into your memory. “So, what’s the best café around here?”

“Are you some kind of heathen who takes their coffee with no sugar or milk to go with your raw chocolate beans? If so, I have no suggestions because that’s disgusting.”

You laughed, loudly, with your whole body, “Unfortunately for you, I do. But if you give me a good café con leche I’ll drink it.”

“Good, because you’re not going to get away with that bar of chocolate and coffee with no add-ins.”

“I worry you have a sweet tooth and can’t appreciate good flavors,” you said. It was so easy to talk with him. He knew exactly what to say to keep you smiling as he leaned against the display like he owned the place.

“I don’t have a sweet tooth, you just like your food to hurt you,” he said, “Let’s go, there’s a good café down the block.”

He reached out to grab your hand and you almost lost it. His palm was soft and his grip firm.

Javier led you to the register where he flung his arm around your shoulders, “Roberto, te acuerdas de Y/N, ¿verdad?”

Roberto chuckled, ringing up your two chocolate bars, “Por supuesto.”

He leaned towards you and said, in broken English, “Careful. Señor Peña is crazy man, yes? He is flirt but he doesn’t mean it.”

Javier laughed, “No somos una pareja, Roberto, somos amigos. Solo amigos.”

You understood that part. You were friends. You grinned. After just ten minutes of talking over two weeks, Javier thought of you as a friend.

next: february: blossom

taglist; @pascalisthepunkest​ @turquiosenights (tumblr isn’t letting me tag so idk if these show up in your notifs)

[delicatelyherdreams]

Pragma(tic) 22: She Unleashes Hell

Pairing: Persephone!Bucky Barnes x Hades!Reader

Summary: In a world where the old gods never truly died, you must learn to navigate your way through the ups and downs of immortality. And if living forever wasn’t hard enough, an ancient evil is now threatening to break free after centuries of silence. And as if that still wasn’t hard enough for you, now a pesky and infuriatingly handsome god is trying to wedge his way into your life. Gods, work, love, and conflict—what more could a goddess need? [Hades & Persephone AU]

Word Count: 4163

Warnings: Language, violence, blood, fighting, war, death

Pragma(tic) Masterlist

Previous 21: She Faces the End

The cry of agony was not yours.

But you felt it. You felt all the pain in the pitch just resonating around you. You could feel the agony and mind-numbing pain and it shocked you to your core.

Especially when you recognized the scream’s owner.

And it was then that you registered the lack of extra pain you felt and slowly peeled your eyes open.

And then you saw it: the body lying before you—the bloody body.

Bucky’s body.

Your lips parted in a scream as you saw Bucky writhing on the ground, ichor coating the entirety of his left side. It was just pouring from his arm—

No.

Not from his arm.

From the stub where his arm used to be.

He had taken the blow meant for you, somehow diving in front of you just in time to save your life, but not his arm. If you forced yourself to look, you would see the severed limb just lying in the grass feet away from its body. The scythe had cut through the bone like butter and left Bucky in terrible pain.

“Oh my gods, Bucky!” you cried out, your voice tearing through the air. You forced yourself to a crawling position despite the pain, ignoring all your nerves flaring up in protest as you dragged your limp body to the spot where Bucky lay. Nothing else mattered to you; not your father standing bewildered apart from you, not your siblings rushing over, not anything.

All that mattered was getting to Bucky.

As the adrenaline coursed through your veins, you could feel your healing increasing its pace. It seemed like your body was also desperate to get to him and care for him and it knew that, in order to do so, it would have to be at its best. Feeling slowly returned back to your right arm as the wound healed just enough to function. You crawled the few agonizing feet to Bucky’s side and fell beside him. Your vision clouded with red and tears as you pulled his head into your lap. “Bucky!” you sobbed, holding his head between your cold hands. 

His skin was on fire and his eyes were squeezed shut. His lips were parted as he grunted and whimpered in pain. The sounds broke your heart. His hand blindly groped the side of his body as he tried to squeeze his limb to alleviate the pain, but there was nothing to grab onto. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from the stump of his arm. It’d been severed right beneath the shoulder. You weren’t even sure how it was possible. How had he jumped to be cut in such a way? Why had he done it?

“Bucky, you’re going to be okay,” you whispered to him, your voice trembling. “You’re going to be okay… You’re going to be okay.”

It was Kronos’ laugh that drew your eyes away from your maimed love. Bringing them up to your father, they flashed red and you felt heat rising in your chest. A fire burned dark and hot as rage filled you. “You…”

Kronos was too busy holding his stomach to hear the malice in your voice. “What a foolish boy!” he cried out in between laughs. “An imbecile! He thinks that by jumping in the way he can save you? Hah! As if his sacrifice will make a differ—”

“Silence!” You swiped your hand at him and the rage flowed out of you. Manifesting in the shape of a wall of darkness, your power slammed into him and knocked him flying through the air. The titan had only a moment before he was sprawled out on the ground two dozen yards away, crippled by the raw force of your anger. 

With him at a distance, you turned your gaze back to the man lying in your lap. 

He was losing color at an alarming rate and you knew it had all to do with the vast amounts of blood that were flowing from his arm. He was bleeding out. You knew one of his arteries was severed and contributing to the steady flow of ichor. 

“Pietro!” you called desperately, searching for the god of medicine. He would know what to do. He would know how to save Bucky. Your eyes scanned the field and, there, across the valley, you saw him struggling out of his fight to get to you. But even with his enhanced speed, you knew he wouldn’t make it to Bucky in time to do anything.

Unless you did something to help first.

Your mind was racing as you looked around. You had no string or anything of the likes that could be used as a tourniquet. You had nothing to stifle the flow. He was going to bleed out before you could save him if you just did nothing, but what could you—

And suddenly, looking through the red lenses that covered the world, it struck you. 

Hellfire coursed through your veins. Fire could possibly stop the bleeding.

It certainly wasn’t the best idea you’d ever had, but it was something.

Your breaths were labored as you pulled Bucky closer to you so that his head was pressed against your stomach and you could reach his arm better. Bending over him, you reached forward with both hands and cupped the stump.

He thrashed in your lap, reaching over desperately to try and tear your hands from his flesh, but you held on, his ichor staining your fingers with the sickening color.

“Oh, please. Please let this work,” you whispered as you took a shaky breath and commanded the fires of Hades to flow through your body and to your hands. 

It was mesmerizing to watch. Your veins glowed red beneath your skin, surging with power and warming your body tremendously. It flowed through your arms, stemming from your heart until it came to rest in your hands which were glowing white with fire.

And that’s when the pain really hit Bucky.

You couldn’t imagine what he was feeling at that moment, but from his screaming, you knew it was excruciating. 

Your heart wept for him, but you could not stop. As much as you hated this now—seeing him hurting like this—you would hate his death more. 

You kept the fire on the stump for only a few more moments, feeling the flesh cook beneath your skin, before letting go. The fire dimmed down and you were able to look over him in his entirety.

He’d lost a lot of his color, but the bleeding had been stopped. Sweat made his skin shine and plastered his head to his forehead. His usually plump lips were chapped and parted as he drew in ragged breaths. His face was screwed up in pain, his eyes—those beautiful blue eyes that you loved so much—were squeezed tightly shut. He couldn’t even open them. His hand was balled into a fist, probably to help him handle the pain as much as he could.

Your gaze softened as you brushed your hand over his head. Despite the fire lingering in your flesh, he was burning up. “Oh, Bucky…” you whispered, tears welling up in your eyes. “Why did you do that? Why are you so stupid?”

A shadow crossed his body and you looked up right as Pietro knelt by Bucky’s side. The god did a quick scan of the man in your lap before he got to work, conjuring medical supplies out of thin air. “You’ve cauterized the wound,” he said as he began to dab at it with pristine white gauze. “The bleeding is stopped but he’s not in the clear yet. Don’t worry, I have him.” His eyes flickered up to meet yours and he smiled softly. “You saved his life. Nice thinking.”

You could only nod. “I… I didn’t know what to do… What can I do?”

“You can win this war.” He was looking back down at Bucky’s arm as his hands moved swiftly. “Defeat Kronos. The other titans are down. Kronos is the only one left.”

You glanced up and, sure enough, your four uncles were either on the ground or in chains being handled by the gods. 

You could see Tony and Pepper holding onto a broken and bloody Crius whose hands were bound in vibranium chains. One second they were there, the next they were gone—teleported away to, probably, the Underworld to return him to Tartarus. One by one, the other gods followed suit, taking their respective titans away. No one dared go near Kronos. 

Your father was still sprawled out at the other end of the valley. However, he was stirring now, pushing himself up. Your attack had taken him by surprise and he was only now recovering from it. You could feel his rage rolling toward you in waves. 

He was the only one left; the only obstacle in your path.

You grit your teeth and, after gently pushing Bucky’s head off your lap, rose to your feet. Your bident had materialized in your hand again, finding its home in your palm. The pain in your shoulder was almost nonexistent now, the hellfire you’d conjured having aided its healing. You felt good. You felt powerful. And you were going to end this. Sparing one last glance down at Bucky, your stare hardened. You could do this; if not for yourself, then for him.

Your strides were wide and purposeful, and every step you took sent thunder ringing through the air. 

All the gems and minerals in the ground moved with you, the wealth you governed shaking the earth. The air itself was charged with energy and electricity, and it took you only a moment for you to realize that your sister was causing that.

Carol fell in stride with you to your right, her lightning staff crackling. Her eyes glowed with energy as she looked over at you, a firm smile on her face. “We’re doing this together. You’re not alone.”

“I could kick our dad’s ass,” Natasha chimed beside you, a smirk of her own crossing her lips. “I think it’s high time he learned his place.”

You chuckled. “Damn right. Together.”

Flanked by your sisters, you marched toward your father who had risen to his feet and was now glowering at you with crimson eyes. His lips were curled back in a sneer as he twirled his scythe threateningly. “You think that you can defeat me now that you have your darling sisters?” he demanded. “I am still your father. I brought you into this world and I can take you right out.”

“We’ll see about that.”

You met him halfway through the valley. 

Carol literally jumped the rest of the way as she brought down her lightning on him. The clouds darkened above you as the weather bent to her will.

Natasha came in from the ground, the earth shaking with every step. Her earthquakes tore crevices in the earth as she swept her trident in his direction. 

You charged him straight on, interlocking his weapon with yours and driving him back. You could feel the hellfire filling your body again and you channeled that heat to your bident, turning the black metal red with energy. 

The three of you struck him at once and it was magnificent.

Attacking from all sides, he didn’t know which way to look to defend himself. When he was fighting back the lightning, a bident and trident struck his side. When he fended off the bident and trident, lightning bit his back. 

You were vicious as you attacked, your anger and rage renewed with a vengeance. With your sisters at your side, you felt that there was nothing you couldn’t do.

And your father seemed to realize this too.

The red of his eyes intensified as he raised his weapon and slammed it into the ground. The wave of force that rolled out knocked you away from him. 

You flew back half a dozen feet, digging your heels into the ground to stop yourself from falling. 

He followed you closely, cutting an arc at you and slicing down your chest in your moment of vulnerability.

Gods, it hurt, but your healing was on overdrive and the pain didn’t last for long. And even if it had, you weren’t alone.

As you stumbled back, Natasha took your spot, locking the blade of his scythe in between two prongs of her bident and twisting it. The scythe was wrenched to the side, leaving his torso open for Carol to stab.

He roared in agony and swiped his hand at her, hitting her stomach with the full strength of an enraged titan.

With a thundering oof, she fell on the ground. She skidded several yards before coming to a stop and trying to muscle herself up. You could see the ichor already matting her hair down. It took a lot of force to break a god’s skin, but she’d been hit hard enough to do so.

Natasha, seeing her younger sister wounded, growled and readied herself. Using the force of the raging sea, she charged him, wielding her trident and aiming to strike him in the chest.

But Kronos was expecting her attack and spun around just in time to slice her side open with his scythe. Ichor spilled over the blade, coating it with gold.

Natasha screamed and fell back away from him, clutching her side and trying to speed up her healing process. 

You were the last daughter standing and Kronos turned his attention to you. His eyes burned red as he smirked and charged at you. You were the last threat and one he felt he could eliminate easily.

You weren’t thinking as you watched him come closer. You just waited for him to come, and when he was right on top of you, you did what any normal goddess would do: you shifted your grip on your bident so you were holding the base, pulled it back, and swung it like a bat with all your might.

The impact took him off guard and the prongs of your bident slashed his stomach as you hit him away from you. He flew across the field and landed with his back hitting a sharp boulder. His cry of pain rang out, drowning out all other noise.

He was down and—in that second—you knew you’d never get a chance like this again. He wasn’t defenseless by any means (he still had his scythe in his hand) but he was wounded and slower than normal. If you acted fast enough, you might just have a shot at ending it all here and now.

It could be quick. Just a simple blow to the chest to put a stop to this war for good. You could do it.

It wasn’t impossible to kill a titan—just very hard. Like all immortals, they could be killed by your weapons if struck correctly. A blow to the heart would do the trick.

You were getting excited at the prospect of finishing this and you glanced to the side to see if your sisters were feeling the same. But one look at them had your heart sinking in your chest. 

They were in no condition to help you end this. Their chests heaved with labored breaths as they stood bent over to conserve their strength. Natasha was nursing a gaping wound on her side and Carol was still recovering from her slide on the ground. They wouldn't be quick enough to land the final blow.

You weren’t sure you’d be quick enough either for that matter, but you knew you had to try. This was a golden opportunity and your window was closing fast. You didn’t know if it would work, but you knew you had to at least give it everything you had—for all your sakes.

But the second you made up your mind, something caused you to hesitate, and looking around at your friends and family, you realized it was them. If this went south and you ended up wounded beyond repair, what were you leaving behind? A family you cherished and a man you…

A lump formed in your throat, threatening to suffocate you.

You’d be leaving behind a man you loved without even telling him you loved him.

Thinking back on it, you never had uttered those three simple words, and now you could possibly die without ever doing so. You couldn’t… You couldn’t just let him live out the remainder of his days without knowing that, despite everything, you really, truly loved him with every ounce of your being. 

So, the only logical option, should things go wrong, was to have a backup plan.

Swallowing a lump that had grown in your throat, you looked at your youngest sister. “Carol? Will you promise me something?” Your voice was heavy with premature grief, mourning the words you might never get to say. 

She didn’t seem to pick up on the solemn undertones in your voice. “Yeah, anything.”

You took a shaky breath. “If… If what I’m about to do doesn’t go the way I’m planning, tell Bucky that I love him for me.”

That got her attention. She turned her head towards you and narrowed her eyes. “(y/n)... What are you going to do?”

“Something I should’ve done a long time ago…” You tore your gaze away from her and focused on the titan still kneeling before you. Red clouded your vision as you steeled your nerves. “End this fucking war.”

You didn’t give her a chance to object because you knew she’d stop you if she had even a second. 

Before she could register the meaning of your words, you were sprinting at your father, power building in you every time your feet hit the ground. You were going to need all the strength you could get.

Your eyes never once left your father as you ran. 

He hadn’t changed at all. He still looked like he did when you’d fought him the first time. He still looked like he did when you were young and naive, just wanting your father’s love.

How many nights had you spent lying there thinking about him, about what you didn’t have—wondering what you could’ve done differently to avoid being eaten and avoid the war? How many times had you dreamt of what kind of a family you would be had things gone differently? Your father and mother would still be together. You and your sisters would’ve taken over ruling the universe when they decided to retire. He would join you and your mother for brunch. You could look in the mirror and admire your strong resemblance to him thinking, “Yeah, I look like my dad and that’s great.”

But things never worked out like that. He was a homicidal, power-hungry lunatic. There was no reasoning with him—no redemption. He would not stop until you and everyone you loved were dead. 

And so, hardening your heart, you took a literal leap of faith. 

The angle at which you fell gave you the perfect shot at his heart. You pointed your bident down, aiming for the critical hit.

His eyes narrowed at you as he tried to struggle to a sitting position. With a trembling hand, he lifted his scythe up to meet you. For a single second, you thought that he’d moved just in time; you thought that he was going to impale you instead.

But he was too weak.

And your aim was too true.

Your bident connected with his blade and the gold of the scythe shattered from the pure force of your strike. He had only a second to realize what you had done before it was too late. 

Before you fell on him and the prongs of your bident buried themselves in his chest, the tips cutting straight through his heart and pinning him to the ground. 

What remained of his scythe had fallen out of his hand as he sank back to the ground. His lips were parted as shallow gasps escaped his mouth. Ichor appeared at the corners of his lips and began to run down his face in thin rivulets, merging into the rather large pool that was forming around him. 

Your arms shook with force as you shoved the bident down further, burying the prongs in his chest until the hilt could move no more. You could feel the ribs breaking beneath the pressure and the muscle resisting the damage.

But he couldn’t stop you. 

He grunted as the metal shifted in him, and with a weak hand he reached up to grab the shaft. With all this might, he pushed at the vibranium in a desperate attempt to dislodge it from his chest.

But his strength had already left him. The push was nothing more than a slight force. It wasn’t hard to resist.

And it was then that he seemed to realize what had just happened.

It was then that he realized that he wasn’t going to make it out of this alive.

His breaths turned to wheezing as his punctured lungs tried to heal themselves. However, the unbreakable vibranium in his flesh prevented his healing from kicking in.

Fear filled his face as he gazed up at you, his firstborn and his killer, and he understood his death. He opened his mouth, but no words came out; only a strangled rasping you knew would haunt your dreams forever.

Death is a strange thing to see, you decided. The agonizingly slow pace of it can drive a person mad, and the pure horror of it is enough to terrorize even the strongest man. To know that this life before you is ending is a harrowing weight to bear on a soul. 

But, in this case, it was necessary.

You took a moment to just look at him; to see him alive one last time if nothing else. Despite the ichor covering his face, you could still see every feature that you shared.

The same hair, despite his being matted and coarse.

The same nose, despite the ichor leaking out the nostrils.

Even the same mouth, despite the chapped and bloody lips.

The same eyes…

His eyes that you’d stolen from him to make your own. 

His eyes and their color.

The red…

The red eyes that matched yours so perfectly began to dim with every passing second.

Because as his life left him and the light faded from his eyes, so too did the red—draining away until all that remained was a dull shade that mirrored your own (e/c) eyes perfectly.

Until he was gone.

Your legs gave out and you collapsed, clinging onto the bident and relying on it to be the only thing that held you up over his body. You sobbed. You wailed and cried and screamed as emotions, more intense than anything you had ever felt, washed over you: rage, loathing, guilt, and—most of all—grief.

The grief surprised you, but it was overwhelming.

It was all you could process.

The grief of losing a parent was one you never thought you’d know. Your mother was immortal, and you never really knew your father.

You should’ve hated him.

But your heart, the traitorous little thing it was, still harbored an ounce of love for him.

And it was only that ounce that was needed to feel this grief.

Your lips parted in a silent scream as your chest tried to cave in on itself. Your eyes squeezed shut as you shook your head. Your heart hurt. It hurt so bad you just wanted to rip it out of your chest and be done with it. You hated this feeling. You hated him for putting you through this—for putting you through all of it. 

But, at long last, it was over. It was done. 

Kronos was dead.

You were vaguely aware of your sisters’ presence above you, but it wasn’t until Carol grabbed your shoulders that you actually acknowledged them.

“(y/n),” Carol called softly, her voice as gentle as could be. “(y/n), you’re hurt. You need to let go.”

You didn't respond to her. You couldn’t find your voice. Your heart seemed to have severed your vocal chords as well.

“It’s okay… You did it. You ended it. We can go home now. Just let him go.”

How could you? How could you just let him go? He was your father. He was supposed to be the one to tuck you in goodnight as a child and love you unconditionally. How could you just let him go?

“You’re okay. I promise you’re okay, but we can’t stay here. We need you home. Bucky needs you. We can’t stay here. We have to go.” Carol pulled gently on your shoulders, coaxing you away from the body. 

Your fingers gave way without any resistance, the shaft of your bident slipping out easily, and she led you away. 

You didn’t even have the strength to resist.

Next 23: Her Heart Betrays Her

[warriorgays]

Justified Timeline

I posted this on tumblr a few years ago, but it was as a link to my Dreamwidth journal, which I’ve since gotten rid of. Don’t know how active the fandom is nowadays, but I was talking to some people about how I live for making fandom timelines and I thought might as well make this one accessible again. It goes all the way through the last season and marks characters’ deaths, so here be spoilers:

SEASON ONE

1.1 “Fire in the Hole”

March 3, 2010

Episode occurs over 7 days (with a 2-day break between Miami and Lexington)

1.2 “Riverbrook”

(begins 3 days later)

Episode occurs over 2 days

Tim has been at the Lexington office for 9 months

Rachel is wearing a wedding ring

1.4, “Long in the Tooth”

(begins at least 8 days later)

Episode occurs over 1 day

1.5, “The Lord of War and Thunder”

(begins at least three weeks later)

Episode occurs over 2 days

1.6, “The Collection”

(begins at least 1 day later)

Episode occurs over 4 days

1.7, “Blind Spot”

(at least one day passes)

Episode occurs over 2 days

1.8, “Blowback”

(at least one week passes)

Episode occurs over 3 days (possibly with a break of several days in between)

1.9, “Hatless”

(at least 2 day pass)

Episode occurs over 3 days

1.10, “The Hammer”

Note: Raylan takes a week off from work. It is not clear whether the week is between 1.8 and 1.9, or between 1.9 and 1.10.

Episode occurs over 4 days

1.11, “Veterans”

(at least 2 days pass)

Episode occurs over 3 days

1.12, “Fathers and Sons”

(first scene begins the same night as 1.11; the second begins at least one day later)

Excluding the first night, 3 days pass, with at least one day’s break in between

1.13, “Bulletville”

(begins the same night as 1.12)

Episode occurs over 3 days

Death of Bo Crowder

SEASON ONE occurs over 89 concrete days total; HOWEVER, the pacing of the episodes is much looser than in later seasons, and is entirely possible that the season took up to 4 months in the narrative

SEASON TWO

2.1, “The Moonshine War”

(begins the same day as 1.13)

After the initial scenes, Raylan spends at least a week under investigation

Episode occurs over 8 days

2.2, “The Life Inside”

(first scene begins the same night as 2.1)

Two days later, a short scene with Mags and Loretta

At least two days later, narrative picks up with Raylan again

Episode occurs over 4 days

2.3, “The I of the Storm”

(several days pass)

Episode occurs over 3 days (with a one-day break after the first day)

2.4, “For Blood or Money”

(several days pass)

Episode occurs over 2 days

Rachel is not wearing a wedding ring in this episode, and her nephew implies she’s single

2.5, “Cottonmouth”

(four days later)

Episode occurs over 2 days

2.6, “Blaze of Glory”

(at least one day passes)

Episode occurs over 2 days, possibly with a gap in between

2.7, “Save My Love”

(starts the next day)

Episode occurs over 2 days

2.8, “The Spoil”

(at least two days pass)

Episode occurs over 1 day

2.9, “Brother’s Keeper”

(starts same day as 2.8)

Episode occurs over 2 days

Death of Coover Bennett

2.10, “Debts and Accounts”

(at least one day passes)

Episode occurs over 1 day

2.11, “Full Commitment”

(starts same day as 2.10)

Episode occurs over 3 days (ends at 2am of the third day)

Death of Helen Givens

2.12, “Reckoning”

(starts same day as 2.11)

Episode occurs over 4 or 5 days, with a gap in the middle

2.13, “Bloody Harlan”

(starts 2 days following 2.12)

Winona tells Raylan that she’s pregnant

Episode occurs over 1 day

SEASON TWO occurs over 45 days; however, there are several episodes that seem to imply that a week or more has passed, without giving any concrete evidence, so it’s possible that the season occurs over 2 and a half months

SEASON THREE

3.1, “The Gunfighter”

(starts same day as 2.13)

Evening of day 1

(three full weeks pass)

Episode occurs over 3 days following

3.2, “Cut Ties”

(at least one day passes)

Winona states that she is 6 weeks pregnant

Episode occurs over 1 day

3.3, “Harlan Roulette”

(starts one day following 3.2)

Episode occurs over 3 days

3.4, “The Devil You Know”

(2 days pass)

Episode occurs over 1 day

Death of Devil

3.5, “Thick As Mud”

(starts late the same night as 3.4)

Winona is 7 weeks pregnant

Episode occurs over 1 day

Winona leaves Raylan

3.6, “When The Guns Come Out”

(starts the following day)

Episode occurs over 2 days

Note: 95% of the action takes place on one day. The second to last scene takes place at night, on a different day (Raylan is wearing a different shirt). I assumed it was the very next night, but Art says that Charlie “went home on Tuesday,” and Raylan replies “I saw him Tuesday,” which could imply that several days have passed.

3.7, “The Man Behind the Curtain”

(at least one day passes)

Episode occurs over 2 days

Opens late in the evening, lasts until the following night

3.8, “Watching the Detectives”

(starts late the same night as 3.7)

Episode occurs over 2 days

Opens late at night, lasts until the following night

Death of Gary Hawkins

3.9, “Loose Ends”

(first short scene begins late the same night as 3.8)

Episode occurs over 4 days

3.10, “Guy Walks Into a Bar”

(at least one day passes)

Episode occurs over 3 days

Limehouse states that it is late autumn

3.11, “Measures”

(at least one day passes)

Episode occurs over 1 day

3.12, “Coalition”

(starts the same day as 3.11)

Episode (theoretically) occurs over 1 day

The timing of this day is absolutely an error. Judging by the filming--every scene in sunlight, every character wearing the same clothes, and some dialogue cues--it only occurs over one day. However, there is no physical way for everything to happen within a single day, and in “Measures,” Raylan and Art clearly return to the office at the end of a shift, although the next episode continues virtually uninterrupted.

Raylan also states that Dickie Bennett was released from prison “a week ago Wednesday,” while the pace and filming of the narrative implies he was only released the day before if not that very morning.

Death of Tom Bergen

3.13, “Slaughterhouse”

(starts late the same night as 3.12)

Episode occurs over 3 days

note: based on context clues, Winona is about 11 weeks pregnant

SEASON THREE occurs over 52-60 days

SEASON FOUR

4.1, “Hole in the Wall”

(begins 5-8 weeks after 3.13)

Episode occurs over 2 days

4.2, “Where’s Waldo”

(starts the next day)

Episode occurs over 1 day

Art turned 56 the week prior

Art has been in Lexington for 22 years

Rachel has left her husband; presuming she was not married in 2.4, when her nephew joked about finding her a husband, this means her marriage lasted for a maximum of three months. It is also possible that her nephew’s line was a one-off joke and that the writers only later decided that they wanted Rachel to be married.

4.3, “Truth and Consequences”

(starts the same evening as 4.2)

Episode occurs over 2 days

4.4, “This Bird Has Flown”

(starts the same evening as 4.3)

Episode occurs over 2 days

Death of Bill St. Cyr

4.5, “Kin”

(first short scene is the same night as 4.5; second scene begins the following day)

Episode occurs over 2 days

4.6, “Foot Chase”

(first short scene is the same night as 4.5; second scene begins the following day)

Episode occurs over 2 days

4.7, “Money Trap”

First scene is a flashback to 6 days prior, when Raylan handed over Jody

Narrative picks up again the day after 4.6

Episode occurs over 2 days

Nelson’s birthday

4.8, “Outlaw”

(starts the same morning as 4.7 ends)

Episode occurs over 2 days

Death of Arlo Givens

4.9, “The Hatchet Tour”

(starts 2 days later)

Episode occurs over 1 day

4.10, “Get Drew”

(starts the same night as 4.9)

Episode occurs over 2 days

4.11, “Decoy”

(starts the same day as 4.10)

Episode occurs over 1 day

4.12, “Peace of Mind”

(at least one day passes)

Winona knows she’s carrying a girl; would imply she’s 18-20 weeks pregnant

Episode occurs over 1 day, except for final scene (which occurs the day after)

Death of Colton Rhodes

4.13, “Ghosts”

(starts the day of the previous scene)

Episode occurs over 2 days

SEASON FOUR occurs over 14 days total

SEASON FIVE

5.1, “A Murder of Crowes”

(starts minimum 6 months after 4.13)

Episode occurs over 4 days

Death of Sammy Tonin

Note: Willa has been born

5.2, “The Kids Aren’t All Right”

(starts the day following 5.1)

Episode occurs over 2 days

5.3, “Good Intentions”

(starts the same day as 5.2)

Episode occurs over 3 days

5.4, “Over the Mountain”

(starts just before dawn the day following 5.3)

Episode occurs over 2 days

5.5, “Shot All to Hell”

(starts at least one day following 5.4)

Episode occurs over 2 days

Deaths of Nick Mooney and Jean Baptiste

David Vasquez states that Art is about 8 months from retirement

5.6, “Kill the Messenger”

(starts at least one day following 5.5)

Episode occurs over 2 days

5.7, “Raw Deal”

(starts at least one day following 4.6)

Episode occurs over 2 days

(discrepancy: Boyd + co. arrive in Mexico, which is at least a 2 day trip by car, while the rest of the characters are still experiencing 1 day)

Death of Johnny Crowder

5.8, “Whistle Past the Graveyard”

(starts the morning following 5.7)

Episode occurs over 1 day

5.9, “Wrong Roads”

(starts the day following 5.8)

Episode occurs over 3 days

There’s a bit of blurriness; Boyd, Darryl, and Jimmy arrive in Harlan long before the second group, and it’s not clear if their trip was meant to take one day or two. If it’s meant to be the same day, though, that means Raylan received a physical copy of a Mexican murder investigation within 24 hours of the murder being discovered, which seems unlikely. I’ve recorded it as two days.

Death of Hot Rod Dunham

5.10, “Weight”

(first short scene begins the same night as 5.9; second scene begins the following day)

Episode occurs over 1 day

Death of Danny Crowe

5.11, “The Toll”

(starts the day after 5.10)

Episode occurs over 2 days

5.12, “Starvation”

(starts the day after 5.11)

Episode occurs over 3 days

Rachel says that the case against Grady Hale was one of the first one she worked, as a 21-year-old deputy. That would make her 35 in season 5 (younger than the original pilot script), and would indicate she’s been in the Lexington office for fourteen years, although it’s possible she transferred out and back in the interim.

5.13, “Restitution”

(starts the same night as 5.12)

Main plot occurs over 2 days

Once the Crowe situation is resolved, there’s at least three days of additional scenes--Raylan seeing Art, Ava being released from prison, etc. However, it’s possible that these scenes take place over a longer amount of time. I’ve recorded it as a possible week in the final count.

SEASON FIVE occurs over 32-39 days total

SEASON 6

6.1, “Fate’s Right Hand”

Raylan states it has been 4 weeks since the Mexican police seized Boyd’s truck; if his timeline matches up with mine, this would mean two weeks has passed since the season 5 finale

Episode occurs over 4 days

Arlo’s grave lists 2013 as his year of death

6.2, “Cash Game”

(starts the following day)

Episode occurs over 1 day

Raylan says Willa is 9 months old; this means that either there is a 13-month gap between seasons 4 and 5 (unlikely, based on the general plot and Ava’s imprisonment storyline in particular) or there is a continuity error.

6.3, “Noblesse Oblige”

(starts the following day)

Episode occurs over 1 day

6.4, “The Trash and the Snake”

(starts the following day)

Episode occurs over 1 day

6.5, “Sounding”

(starts late the same night as 6.4)

Episode occurs over 2 days

Some detectives mention that it is the start of bear season, which would make it somewhere between October-December.

6.6, “Alive Day”

(starts late the same night as 6.5)

Episode occurs over 2 days

Zachariah references Boyd’s season-two time in the mine as being “a couple years back”

Death of Choo Choo

6.7, “The Hunt”

(starts late the same night as 6.6)

Episode occurs over 2 days

Winona says that she took an Uber from the airport; Uber has been located in Kentucky since the spring of 2014.

Boyd says that he has been saving a bottle of bourbon from 1995 for “damn near 20 years.” I’d say this confirms that the show is supposed to be nearabouts 2015, although it can’t be narrowed down much further. He also says it’s the first day of wild hog hunting season, which doesn’t officially exist in Kentucky.

6.8, “Dark as a Dungeon”

(at least one day passes)

Episode occurs over 3 days

Raylan says that Arlo died “last year,” which would conclusively date this season as taking place in 2014.

Death of Ty Walker

6.9, “Burned”

(starts the same day as 6.8)

Episode occurs over 2 days

6.10, “Trust”

(starts the same night as 6.9)

Episode occurs over 2 days

6.11, “Fugitive Number One”

(starts the day after 6.10)

Episode occurs over 1 day

Deaths of Carl Lennon, Mike Cosmatopolis, and Katherine Hale

6.12, “Collateral”

(first scene occurs the same night; the episode then begins the day following 6.11)

Episode occurs over 2 days

Raylan’s cousin Mary from the hills has died at some point since season 4

Death of Zachariah Randolph

6.13, “The Promise”

(starts the same evening as 6.12 ends)

Main plot occurs over 2 days; it’s unclear how much time passes between Raylan shooting Boon and leaving Kentucky, but it was probably at least two additional days

Death of Avery Markham

EPILOGUE: Takes place 4 years later. Rachel sends Raylan mail from the Seattle Marshal’s Office. Ava is living in Lebec, CA with her son, who is probably about three and a half.

SEASON SIX (excluding the epilogue) takes place over 21 days

Based on this timeline, I can say, pretty conclusively, that Justified takes place from March 2010 to the late fall or winter of 2014. This fits with almost all of the time-specific references made in the final season, as well as my season-by-season timeline notes. In a few places there is a slight discrepancy, in which a single episode’s plotting implies that things take place over a shorter amount of time than suggested by the overarching seasonal timeline, but it’s rarely more than a few days at a time, and I’m confident this timeline is accurate within a few months.

There are only two significant errors in continuity. The first is Willa’s age. As noted, if Willa is nine months old in season 6, then that leaves at least 7 months unaccounted for, either in between seasons 4 and 5, or over season 5. Between seasons 4 and 5, Ava is in prison and hasn’t even been assigned a judge for her court date; 13 months is much too long for that to be true, at least without it being worthy of mentioning. And while it’s possible that season 5 takes place over a slightly longer period than I have listed, it’s very tightly plotted, and again, I doubt I would overlook 7 months’ worth of progression.

The other error is a very similar problem--Loretta’s age. She is explicitly stated to be 14 years old in her first appearance. In season 5, when her plot involves her having a boyfriend, she can reasonably be assumed (both due to the timeline and the context) to be 15 or recently-turned 16. In Season 6, which only took place about two months later, she is living on her own, in Harlan, and is presumed to be 18--unless she’s supposed to be an emancipated minor, which would be characteristic, but which is not actually mentioned or implied in-text. Kaitlyn Dever, who played Loretta, was in fact 14 years old when she started filming and 18 when she finished filming, but the series covers a shorter amount of time than real life does, and Loretta should only be, at most, 17 in the finale, if not still 16. This is clearly a narrative choice, however. Willa’s age has relatively little impact on the plot, and is most likely a small slip up. Loretta obviously can’t be living in Harlan and poised to run a weed empire if she’s still a teenage foster child, so I believe the writers deliberately waved away the issue in order to fit Loretta into the final season. Which I think we can all forgive, because she’s a fucking badass.

[antoine-roquentin]

Mr. Fakhoury, who became a United States citizen last year, was arrested and detained in Beirut in September, days after he had returned to Lebanon for the first time in 20 years to see family. He was charged with having overseen the torture of fellow Lebanese decades ago as a member of a Christian-dominated militia and collaborating with Israeli forces during their 18-year occupation of southern Lebanon, charges he denied.

In March, after U.S. government efforts to secure his release, Mr. Fakhoury was freed from jail when a judge ruled that the statute of limitations for prosecuting him had expired.

“We believe that God took him out of these evil, terrorist hands and brought him to America to die peacefully with his family right by his side,” Macy Fakhoury, one of his four daughters, said on Tuesday. “I think that’s the biggest blessing of all.”

His case drew the attention of U.S. senators as well as coverage on “Fox & Friends” on Fox News, which is regularly watched by President Trump. Senior Trump administration diplomats pressured the Lebanese government, warning that the case could damage its relationship with Washington, which sent the country more than $2.3 billion in military assistance between 2005 and 2019.

Fakhoury is known as the “butcher of Khiam”:

Fakhoury is accused of overseeing the torture of thousands at the Khiam Prison in the 1980s and 1990s and being personally involved in the murder of several detainees, earning him the nickname, the Butcher of Khiam.

He fled Lebanon along with hundreds of other former SLA members after Israel withdrew from the country in 2000, eventually settling in the US state of New Hampshire...

Lebanon had been under US pressure to release Fakhoury, with Washington giving $1.7bn in aid to Lebanon's armed forces since 2006.

But Fakhoury's arrest - coupled with the influence of Iran-backed Hezbollah in the Lebanese government - invited threats of US sanctions.

Last year, US President Donald Trump withheld $105m in aid to the Lebanese army as some in Washington called for a more hawkish policy vis-a-vis Lebanon.

In January, US Senator Jeanne Shaheen said she was drafting a sanctions bill "to hold those accountable who are complicit in Mr Fakhoury's arrest".

A legacy of torture: Inside Lebanon's Khiam jail:

"Prisoners were kept naked and splashed with hot and cold water, and subjected to electric shocks," he tells Al Jazeera. "They then had salt put in their wounds." There were no court proceedings or charges brought against him during his detention, Amine adds.

"The address, Khiam detention centre, is a terrible address," he says. "The importance of this place is showing that the Israelis occupied Lebanon and tortured us."

Amine, who still lives in Khiam village, was at one point kept in solitary confinement for five months. The solitary cells are each about a metre square, with dark brown, heavy metal doors. Sliding metal openings provide the only source of light.

Women were also kept at Khiam - around 500, by Amine's estimation.

"I was once kept in Room Four, opposite where the women were kept," he recalls. "I could hear them talking to each other. I couldn't hear exactly what they were saying, just odd words and screams."

He is certain that Israeli forces razed the site in 2006 "to destroy what was showing their malice and torture". Yet tourist numbers remain robust: Up to 500 visitors pass through the site in a typical weekend, including American, European, British and Lebanese citizens, Amine says.

Souha Bechara, who was once imprisoned in Khiam, and was released 22 years ago on this day:

November 7, 1988: Souha Bechara was arrested and detained without charge or trial until 1998 at Khiyam for attempting to kill SLA leader Antoine Lahd. Her family was allowed to visit her for the first time in 1995. She was released on September 3, 1998. Out of the 10 years she spent there, 6 were spent in solitary confinement. She reports that she and other women detainees were tortured, which included beatings, threats, rape, electrical shocks, and sexual harassment by other women prisoners