#last time they tried to fix this they gave me birth control which made it worse so idk what a trans friendly doctor is gonna do.

[biteapple]

my lower half is on fire and my provider is thinking its testosterone caused and potentially cause im intersex. ive experienced this before t but not as bad

[inevitablysomber-dark]

Shackled (Chapter 16)

Dark! Rafe Cameron x Pogue! Reader

Warning: There are some intense, dubiously consenting and nonconsensual sexual themes in this series, MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY. MINORS DNI.

Summary: You hate Outer Banks with a passion and are working hard to get out despite all the obstacles in your way. Rafe himself eventually becomes one of those obstacles after a night of low impulse control. Will you be able to overcome him or with you have no choice but to submit.

Slow Burn

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Tag list:

@sophiexoxo-lol

"I've always wanted to ask, what are these?" Rafe holds up a small circular pink pill to my vision. 

"Birth Control," you rasp. 

"You take birth control? Since when" he asks

You throw him a look of annoyance and blow a breath of exasperation. 

"We had been fucking for several months, and not once did I ever mention anything about a pregnancy scare. Did the idea of me being on birth control never occur to you?"

He shrugs and continues with his task. 

Rafe had taken it upon himself to oversee your health, which included picking up and organizing your prescribed medication in your pill box. At first, it was difficult to trust him, so you made sure you had all your tablets before taking them, but he managed to prove himself, and you became too tired to keep up with your tablets. 

He'd also gotten into touching you often, especially during bathtime. You've tried to thwart his advances several times, but he always seemed to get his way. Eventually, fear was replaced with chagrin, and every time he dragged his fingers down your forearm, you knew exactly what he was thinking.

You had to go into surgery in the next few days, and you had been waiting for an orthopedic surgeon to travel to the island to assist you, Annie Rose said your ribs weren't healing properly, so she had to put in a referral for one. In the meantime, she said no strenuous activity, making sure to fix Rafe with a look.

It would have been funny if you didn't feel like you were being held captive. 

Since the first bathtub incident, you thought of ways to escape Rafe's grasp. You had to heal first, that was a given, and it wasn't leaving that was giving you the issue. It's what you would do after you leave. 

You had no money or family; all you had was Rafe, and if he kept on with his possessive ways, he's all you would ever have. 

You could always go back to Misty's and beg for your old job back, but then how would you find enough money to get on the ferry, your racked your brain trying to find a solution to this puzzle, but something was always in the way. 

You suddenly felt lips pressed against yours as fingers crept toward your nether region. 

"What are you thinking about?" Rafe says. 

"What if I never wake up from the surgery?" you ask, wanting him to believe that the surgery was what you were worried about. 

"You'll be fine, and you'll probably feel much better afterward, so no worries, in fact." he moves his body underneath the covers, placing himself between your legs and pulling off your pajama bottoms. 

"Rafe," you call. He ignores you as he rubs a finger up and down your clothed slit. 

"Rafe, stop, I'm tired," you beg.

He pulls your panties to the side, shocking you with his tongue to your clit before wrapping his mouth around it and sucking. 

You couldn't say anything else. It didn't matter since Rafe would do what he wanted anyways. 

So you gave in to the moment. Drowning in forced pleasure.

*** 

You were fatigued, your body felt limp and heavy, and it took too much effort to move a toe, let alone push away the fingers creeping up your thighs.

You struggle to open your eyes as you look up at the perpetrator attempting to invade your space. There he stood, Rafe Cameron, looking back down at you—the expectation on his face, with a cloud of lust shadowing his eyes.

Of course, it had been him; it could only be him. He'd taken it upon himself these last few weeks to terrorize you with his presence consistently.

You'd just gotten the surgery for your broken ribs, and as you looked around, you saw Rafe had no problem setting you up in his room again. Now he won't even allow recovering at the hospital. He needed you to be around him as much as possible. So you can only imagine his frustration whenever he had to leave for work.

.Since your trip from the hospital, amidst your travels in and out of consciousnesses, he was the only face you ever saw.

Without taking his eyes off yours, he pulls off your blanket, causing your top to pul up, exposing a bit of your navel. He drags his fingers under it, pulling them closer to your pubic area.

"Surgeon says you'll be able to resume sexual activity in about two weeks." He briefly takes his eyes off yours as he uses his fingers to pull at your pajama bottoms.

You whimpered, hoping he wouldn't try anything while you suffered weakly.

"Don't worry, I'm patient."

He looks back into your eyes, bringing his face closer to yours.

"I can't say I'm not excited by the thought." He gently places his lips against yours.

And all you could think of was how you were going to escape when you could barely move your body.

[ninjastormhawkkat]

The Last Superheroes/What Happened To The Real Steven Boxleitner Lore Update

I am making some changes to my oc backgrounds for these aus (spoilers for @melodythebunny and her New Neighbor's au story) Trigger Warning: Heavy and Dark topics. Read at your own risk. So Maddrix is named Matthew Dunner -he has no ties with his bio family -his dad is a deadbeat that left when he was very young. -he used to be the superhero partner to his uncle (Captain Valiant) but after a violent outburst was outed to the public and kicked out by his uncle and mother around 17. This created his hatred for heroes which what lead to the massacre. -Maddrix had unresolved anger issues and violent behaviors that neither his uncle nor mother bothered to fix with therapy. Maddrix didn't try to resolve them himself after he was kicked out, he just rather channeled it to his villainy and battles as well as his hatred towards heroes. -he soon met a young Professor Carl Woods when they were both in their mid to late 20s. It was love at first sight for the men. -Carl was the one who proposed to Maddrix on a date with specially designed flowers that shot out glowing spores which spelled "Will You Marry Me?" (Eris's idea for the proposal). -All of their children are clones created by Carl mixing their DNA together. Their children are Victor, Emily, and Gene Woods. (Maddrix took Carl's last name.) -Maddrix made sure his uncle couldn't continue in the hero business after ripping an arm off the man. -Maddrix was a pretty decent dad. He loved his kids. He loved his husband. He tried to be involved in the kids lives as much as he could. Gene was of course his favorite out of the kids. Instead of letting them choose their own paths, Maddrix put particular focus on Gene and his potential for villainy. He wanted Gene to become a powerful villain like himself. Maddrix was fair with his training towards Gene. He didn't push Gene into something the boy wasn't prepared for. Maddrix found Carl cute when he got angry and huffy. Compared to Carl, Maddrix was calm and restrained when it came to driving. Carl had road rage issues and could swear like a sailor sometimes. Maddrix did swear, but he could control it though. -Maddrix told Carl his family was to be considered dead and didn't want him or the kids interacting with them. He didn't go to either his uncle's or mother's funeral. -Maddrix and his family did have a happy life...that is why the massacre was so tragic and soul crushing for Maddrix's family when it happened. -Maddrix is bisexual as is Gene and Emily. Victor is Pansexual. Carl is Gay. Carl Woods -Professor Carl Woods was a well known geneticist and inventor before he was kidnapped when Gene was about 20. -Due to the time period Carl grew up in, he had no idea of his own sexuality until his first partner, a female, helped to bluntly point it out for him. They broke things off amicably and remained good platonic friends until his kidnapping. -Carl is the second youngest son in his family -His father, Jeremy Woods, married Jessica Boxleitner who had a son from her previous marriage. Her son's name is Thomas Boxleitner. Jeremy was a good father to both Thomas and Carl. These step brothers got along pretty well and Carl still kept in contact with Thomas after Jeremy had remarried when Jessica passed away from health issues. (Thomas was 22 when it happened, Carl was about 14 0r 15.) Jeremy then remarried to Alice Baxter. She gave birth to two children who were Carl's half siblings. The first born was a girl named Caroline Baxter. The second was a son named Nathan Baxter or Nate for short. The parents' last name was Woods-Baxter. Jeremy and Alice sadly divorced out of grief when Nate "died" under mysterious circumstances. He was a stage hand on a puppet show called "Welcome Home" 😈. Caroline tried to find evidence about what really happened to her brother but she couldn't find anything. Carl tried to help her as much as he could but could find no scientific reason. (He never considered the supernatural at all.) -to be continued @erraticeris

[currentlyfckingurmom]

Beneath the Wreckage part 8

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MARSEILLE, FRANCE:

Arina crept through the countryside home with her gun drawn, taking shallow, steady breaths. The wooden floors never creaked under feet, purely because she had spent the first few years of her life walking in that house, and she knew exactly which boards to avoid. She knew which halls led where. She knew the room in which she was trained to kill. She knew the room in which her mother beat her over and over. And she knew what awaited her on the other side of the door she was facing.

Taking one last deep breath of peace and freedom, she kicked open the wooden door and stepped into the sunroom, pointing her gun at the woman seated in an old rocking chair.

“Hello, Arina. I’ve been waiting for you to come home,” Madame B said, not bothering to turn and face the terrified brunette.

“Madame B. I would say it’s nice to see you, but I think we both know that’s far from the truth.”

“Oh, enough of this childishness. Come sit. We have much to discuss.”

“And what if I don’t want to talk to you?”

“If you don’t want to talk, then why did you come all this way?”

“To kill you,” Arina stated shortly, feigning confidence.

“You would really kill your own mother? That’s harsh, Arina. Even for you.”

SOMEWHERE OVER THE ATLANTIC OCEAN:

“I still don’t get it. Why is Arina so fixed on killing Madame B?” Yelena asked the other two women in the jet, which had been so kindly provided by Mason.

“I have no idea. When I tried talking to her about it, she just closed down,” Natasha replied through the headset as she controlled the aircraft.

“I’d seen them go into Madame B’s office together a few times. And Dreykov’s office, too, actually. They avoided each other like the plague when people could see them, but they were together a lot behind closed doors,” Valeriya said.

“And Arina is terrified of her. Always has been,” Natasha added.

“That doesn’t make any sense. Arina never even talked about Madame B,” Yelena stated.

“Oh my god,” Natasha mumbled, the color draining from her face.

“What?” Yelena questioned. “Natasha, what?”

“For a while, Madame B wasn’t working on-site. She was gone for three years, and only came back a few months before I showed up. That’s also when Arina was put in the Red Room, and she was three years old. And Arina’s weird accent when we were kids—it was a mix of French and Russian, and now Arina is chasing Madame B in France.”

“What are you saying?” “What if Madame B’s time away from the Red Room was to cover up a pregnancy? And raising a child?” the redhead theorized. “What if Arina is Madame B’s daughter?”

“Oh, shit. And the person Dreykov sent Madame B after was Arina,” Valeriya concluded.

“We need to get to France faster,” Yelena decided with determination.

MARSEILLE, FRANCE:

Arina tucked her gun into its holster and sat in the rocking chair across from her mother’s. Her eyes scanned over her mother’s form. She had aged; her hair had turned grey and wrinkles decorated her face. It almost made her appear softer—kind, even. But her eyes...they were just as cold as they had always been.

“So, you’ve just been sitting around here, waiting for me to show up?”

“You make me sound lazy, Arina. No, I knew you’d come back, but I only began waiting for your arrival once the Widows were free. God, you know, I spent so much time trying to keep you away from that damn Romanova, but you always went crawling back to that whore.”

“Watch it,” Arina spat, her hands itching to reach for the knife in her boot.

“Oh, right. My apologies, I’ll try to refrain from talking about her. I know that’s been a sore subject ever since she heartlessly abandoned you and the little blonde girl.”

“You can’t say shit about being heartless, Madame. You’ve hated me since the minute you gave birth to me. Hell, you’ve never even let me call you my mother.”

“I couldn’t let you get soft! This world would’ve eaten you alive, Arina. But none of that matters now. The Red Room is gone. So is Dreykov. That’s all water under the bridge.”

“Water under the bridge? Are you fucking insane? Dreykov sent you to kill your own daughter, and you were gonna do it. Actually, you’re probably still planning to. I was three and you put me into a program where I had to brutally murder my friends. It was a dance to the death, and you watched your own daughter fall down over and over without ever offering to help me up. For God’s sake, you enjoyed it! That is heartless.”

“I was just protecting you, Arina-”

“Cut the bullshit. You were never protecting me. You taught me how to fire a gun when I was a toddler, then sent me to the Red Room where I learned to use that against someone. That wasn’t protecting me, that was destroying me.”

“One day, you will see all that I’ve done for you.”

“Are you not even listening to me? The only thing you did was break me, but I’m done letting you get to me. I’m sorry, but I have to kill you. I don’t have a choice.”

“There’s always a choice, Arina. But if you do kill me, just know that Natasha will never be enough for you. All she’ll ever do is make you weak.” “Yeah, yeah, I know. ‘Love is weakness’ and all that. But guess what, you’ve never felt love in your life, and now you’re a frail old lady. Wanna explain that one?”

“After all this time, you still don’t get it. I took you away from her. We punished you over and over for protecting her and Yelena, but you always went back to them. You should’ve just killed her when I ordered you to. They’re nothing compared to you. You are the perfect weapon, and they are the Red Room’s greatest failures,” the woman spat with disgust.

“Even if they’re failures in your eyes, keeping them safe will always be my greatest success.”

“Did you really? Did you honestly keep them safe?” Madame B laughed. “Natasha got out. I kept the guards away from Yelena. They might be a little broken but they’ll put each other back together again.”

“And what about you? I suppose you think I broke you beyond repair,” she scoffed.

“No, I don’t think that. I think you absolutely destroyed me. I’ve forgotten who I was. I’m so damaged that I can barely stand to look at my own reflection. But somewhere beneath all that wreckage, I’m still me. And I can’t freely be me if you’re still around, so I’m sorry, but goodbye.”

Arina drew her gun and aimed it at Madame B’s heart, unblinking and unwavering. She didn’t plan to hesitate, but she did. Her mother had tried to turn her into an unflinching weapon, but Natasha was her humanity. And it’s hard to kill your own mother when your humanity is, quite literally, barging in on the situation.

“Arina, don’t,” Natasha warned as she ran out into the sunroom. “Don’t do this. I know she’s your mother, and I know she’s hurt you more than anyone, but don’t pull that trigger. You’ll never forgive yourself.”

“She’s right, Arina,” Madame B stately calmly. “You aren’t strong enough to do this.”

“It’s not a matter of strength. It’s who you are, Arina. And you’re my Aria. Please don’t do this,” Natasha begged, Yelena standing beside her with pleading eyes.

“I know. I’m sorry I couldn’t be who you thought I was, Talia,” Arina apologized as her finger tightened around the trigger. A gunshot rang out in the room.

Arina looked down at her own chest, analyzing the rapidly spreading stain of blood ruining her shirt. She collapsed to her knees, dropping her gun to the ground.

Natasha spun around, catching sight of Valeriya with her weapon raised.

“What the hell did you do?” Natasha spat at the Widow before rushing over to help Arina.

“Ah, Valeriya. How nice of you to finally show up,” Madame B said with a smile as she stood from her chair. “She’ll be dead in minutes. Let’s go.”

Yelena, snapping out of her daze, raised her gun and shot Madame B, dead center of her forehead. Valeriya barely had time to raise her gun again before she was dead on the floor.

“Thank you,” Natasha breathed to her younger sister. “Now help me before she bleeds out.”

Stepping over the fallen bodies, Yelena rushed to Natasha’s side and put pressure on Arina’s wound.

“Th-thank you,” Arina coughed. “You’re my everything. Both of you. I’m s- I’m sorry.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Yelena snapped. “I’m so sick of everybody talking like they’re going to die. Nobody is dying. So just shut the fuck up.”

“She’s right, Aria. You’re not going anywhere. Just hold on,” Natasha instructed as she grabbed a blanket and held it against the wound. “Come on, Lena, we gotta get her to the jet.”

They picked Arina up and practically dragged her back to the jet. She passed out a few seconds after they lifted her, but they made it.

Yelena jumped into the cockpit and took off while Natasha tended to Arina. Tapping her cheek, she whispered, “Come on, Aria. Wake up for me, детка.”

“I’m up,” Arina mumbled, her eyes slowly blinking open.

“Good. Don’t fall asleep on me now, okay? I need you.”

“No, you don’t. You’ve always been stronger than me. I need you, though. I wish we could’ve had forever together, Talia.”

“I love you, Aria,” Natasha cried as Arina’s eyes slipped closed again. “Wait, wait, Aria, wake up. Wake up! Aria! Yelena, fly faster! She’s- oh god, she’s gonna die.”

“She’s not gonna die, сестра. Mom will know what to do,” Yelena yelled back from the cockpit, her voice trembling with uncertainty. Melina will know what to do.

[agentlemansavage]

I'm frustrated today.

I stopped depending on people so i could get the shit down that I needed to do to improve. I stopped caring if i had someone to go to the gym with and just fucking did it. I stopped caring about if people were gunna do XYZ and would start without them. For the first time in a long time i was being selfish because i needed to be better in life.

Now i work out 4 to 5 times a week. I practice spanish and study cyber security at night and still make time for myself to game or to write. I'm still in therapy and im working on some other health issues.Suffice to say I'm doing okay. Last night i got a little drunk and messaged her knowing nothing good could come of it. She still isnt ready but the things i got to find out and the things she told me don't sit well with me.

Starting with we were never good for eachother. I was never able to make the changes i listed above until she came around. I tried to make sure she was drinking water, took her meds, i tried to set a healthy bedtime because we both had a habit of staying up late, i helped encourage you to workout, i gave you advice (maybe not the best) when it came to your career. Yet we were never good for eachother, i will be the first to admit I'm not perfect, hell even with all my changes i have a long fucking way to go. That's bullshit and you thanked me multiple times for being patient for standing by you, you told me I made you better too. So to tell me otherwise now felt like a straight slap to the face.

Ever since you came off birth control you're a completely different person towards me. That's not an understatement either, you are a completely different person from the one i started talking to in how you act, in how you think, in what you believe. You dont even fight for the things you told me you would, you dont work through the issues you promised you would. I know i made mistakes and i even lashed out (understandably I think) when you started to just give up. I kept my promises, im still here and you promised to never leave and you're nowhere to be found. Even the person I talked to last night wasn't you.

You told me you wanted to fix some things, like a habit you have which you told me from the beginning is why you wanted space. You wanted the courage to end your last relationship on your own or you'd have blamed me in part. I guess you never broke that habit because you did the same thing since you told me last night you started talking to a new person while we were figuring it out. While I was working on your Christmas gifts and telling you I loved you, you were letting someone steal you away.

So yeah I'm frustrated with myself, with you, with the situation. None of this should have happened. the worst part is I can't do anything about it, so instead on one of the few days off I get I can't focus on anything, I can't even sleep, and I'm still in a situation where I'm pining for someone who wants nothing to do with me right now.

To say I feel pathetic is an understatement.

[godshounds]

using pads for almost all my life probably inflicted just a bonkers amount of psychological torment onto me. i tried a cup when i was probably 24 and never used anything else until t stopped me from getting a period. i cycled my birth control too so i only bled once every 3 months which also helped

i have pmdd & didnt know that until i was 21. i was getting severely suicidal for a few days before, then dealing with gender dysphoria on top of it when it started. the pill made the pmdd symptoms disappear & then i found out i could take it 3 months at a time without bleeding. then realized using a cup was easy for me, thereby finding the secret formula to make periods kind of okay for me. the only real problem i had was not having sex (which is obviously fine to do it just isnt an option for me)

then i started t and got a nexplanon implant shortly after lol. over a decade of being irrationally suicidal and then repulsed by my body, and there was a way to fix it the whole time wayyy before i ever got on t.

on the last of us someone gave the teenage girl (?) going cross country in an apolaypse a cup & it made me surprisingly emotional lol. i dont wanna be obnoxious about it but for me, a cup took getting a period from a really awful experience to a pretty normal one. i wish i had known about them sooner & felt comfortable asking for one, or for literally anything besides a pad or tampon. i bet the period underwear would've made it way better when i first started because i hated seeing the blood

as providing gender affirming ca i think it's important that trans kids who get periods know that there are still options available that can give you more control over your body

[blissfulparker]

Wipeout⇔ Surfer!Dad!tom

Parings: surfer!dad!tom x surfer!reader

Summary; You and Tom spend your whole relationship in the water. Surfing under the summer sun and competing in summers biggest surf competition. To a surpise, you and Tom take on the biggest challenge nature could throw at you. A baby.

Wc: 9k

Warnings: mentions of insecurities durning pregnancy, fluff

A/n: I know this isn’t a birthday themed fic for Toms b-day but I hope you all enjoy! My little spin on a summer fic with dad!tom 🥰

June.

The summer breeze rose goosebumps to your skin. Your hands coming up to rub your arms as the water was only a bit colder today.

it was summer, the best part of the year when you lived with a beach in your backyard. Spending your whole life surfing you now prepared for the summer tournament that happened only weeks away from now. Surfers, fans, media come in from nearly all over the world just to compete.

To feel a wave under their boards and the adrenaline that rushes through your blood when you finally get on top. The same competition that lead you to Tom, Tom who was now your boyfriend of two years. At first, you laughed at the boy.

Pale, shy—yet so cocky and from London of all places. The most water they got is from the sky. You wanted to laugh with your friends for how confident he was acting, little rain boy wanted to have a chance in the big ocean and he did. To your shock, he scored better than you and scored to be in the top 10. Your laughs stopped after competition and maybe it was the slight momentary enemy thing or it was that deep blue bikini that made him find you after the games and get you out for a drink.

That drink was truly a shared basket of fish and chips as you talked more and more about each other. Pale, rainy London boy ended up being the best thing that ever happened to you.

“You wiped out twice!” He sits atop his board and your hands rub over your face.

“Maybe because I’m distracted!” You splash water in his direction. His toned abs always tanner during g this year and it was hard for the both of you to control yourself. “I’m just tired, stressed.” You shrugged it off truthfully.

“You fell asleep at 8:00 last night, grandma.” He teased and you rolled your eyes.

“Competition stress.” You point to him and he shrugs. If he’s honest, within the two years he’s known you, two years he’s loved and wondered where you had been all his life, he knew your stress. When you were stressed you oftentimes took long showers or wrote in your journal for hours on end but this time your stress was sleeping early/in late and a few times he’s caught you throwing up. All under the name of stress.

He didn’t push anything though, reminding you that he is there and you could tell him anything. But nonetheless, he left you be and just kissed your cheek and told you everything was okay.

“Race you to shore and whoever gets back inside first gets the leftover chicken from last night!” He starts to swim and you quickly flatten yourself on your board.

“What are we like five?” You call out but still push yourself to go faster. Pushing yourself to race him to shore.

Even though Toms board was definitely double his size, he still beat you into the house, already washed off and reheating the leftovers for lunch. After a morning swim you always had lunch before you went off to work where you would teach little kids how to surf. No matter what, you were always around the water.

“So I was checking the competition list this week, checking to see if there’s anyone new…” he trails off on a story. The two of you share the chicken and fries before you suddenly get a disgusted taste in your mouth. The chicken suddenly becomes sour in your mouth but you force yourself to swallow, Tom notices the change and he stops everything to make sure you’re okay.

“Darling, what is it?” He has a worried look but you shake your head.

“Nothing—it’s nothing. I-I just think this part of my chicken was a bit undercooked and it grossed me out. It’s nothing.” You smiled at him and he waited a second before continuing his story.

But that wasn’t the end of it, the next bite even more sour and this time you drop your fork and open the trash can to spit it out. The spitting then followed by spitting up all of your breakfast and lunch. Tom quickly coming to move any stray hair and rubbing your back as he tried to not throw up himself.

When you were done, he quickly closed the trash can lid and got you into the bathroom where he assembled the toothbrush for you.

“Peaches, I know that you told me not to worry but this is the third time this week.” He folded his arms as he leans against the wall.

“I’m fine.” You say through a mouth filled with toothpaste. Spitting into the sink and rinsing your mouth while also splashing some water over your face. When you look back up, just a bit, your eyes flicker to the untouched box of tampons.

One week late wasn’t so bad, one week late was just some built up stress and every women had been a week or two late before. But before tom can take notice in your distraction, you turn around to him who hands you a towel.

“But you’re not fine.” He argues a bit gently, not wanting to offend you.

“Tom, in school I would throw up during exam seasons all the time. It’s just stress okay? Better than losing hair or breaking out I guess.” You try and joke with him but he doesn’t exactly laugh. Just stares at you worried and you push back a few of his curls.

“Hey, look at me,” you tell him and his eyes meet yours. “I’m fine, seriously! Just a bit of stress and nothing the ocean water and you can’t fix.” You kiss his cheek and he finally smiles.

“Can you go see a doctor? For yourself and if not for yourself then for me, I want you to do good at competition and you know they won’t let you compete if you are sick in anyway.” He rubs up and down your sides and you sigh. Hating the doctors but you agree.

“Okay, okay. I’ll make an appointment but they will just tell me I just have butterflies.” You tell him and that’s when he grows a smirk.

“Aw, babe, I didn’t know after all these years I still gave you butterflies!” He teased and you rolled your eyes playfully nudging your body against him. Both leaving the bathroom, your eyes flicker over to the untouched box to tampons that just taunt you one last time before tom shuts the bathroom door. It was possible, you just didn’t want it to be possible just yet.

-

“I should’ve canceled, I should be there!” Tom speaks through the phone. You sat in an empty, cold doctors office waiting for blood results to get back.

Despite Toms over worrying, everything was fine. They couldn’t find anything physically wrong with you and agreed when you mentioned how it was just anxiety and nerves. Yet they still had to run a blood test to make sure it wasn’t anything they missed and couldn’t see with the naked eye.

Meanwhile tom had to be the most dramatic person out there. You always told him if he was not a surfer he would be an actor. It was impressive how every single night before bed he had a new condition to diagnose you with. Some so severe and outrageous you had to remind him that this wasn’t 1600s England and that you didn’t have the plague. That things were just from stress and if it was a stomach bug then let it run through.

Yet he would rant to you nearly every single night about how he’s always loved you and hated that this was the way to go. Always with that you would smack him with a pillow and tell him to go to sleep and with that he would kiss your cheek and hold you tight as he fell asleep.

“Tom, it’s fine. Seriously! They said they couldn’t find anything wrong, you’d be wasting your time to come here. The most you’d get out of this visit is maybe a sticker. Does Tommy want his girlfriend to bring him back a sticker?” You used a baby voice and you could practically hear him going red.

With a scoff he replies, “Ugh, no. What am I like five?” He pauses for a moment. “But what kind do they have? Were you able to check?” He asked in more of a quiet voice and you laugh.

“No clue. But the nurse told me the best thing I could do is just drink some tea and rest. Maybe they have some spiderman stickers or Sofia the first stickers.” You fiddle with the loose thread on your pants. Ending with a joke to calm both yours and Tom's nerves.

With a smirk, Tom Says, “you’ve been drinking some British tea for awhile—“ he jokes and you quickly cut him off.

“Tom!” You say and as if it was a sign, the nurse comes back in with a clipboard and a gentle smile. “Hey, I’ll call you back, the nurse has my results.”

“Wait! Before you go, ask them to check for tapeworms—“ before he could finish you hung up.

“He’s just dramatic.” You laughed a bit and the nurse laughed along before taking a seat across from you. She clicks her pen which makes you nervous for some reason.

“So your blood came back fine, everything is okay. I just have a few little things such as are you on any birth control?” She asked and you shook your head.

“Oh no, um...haven’t been for a while. But my boyfriend and I use protection and we’re safe. We only used planB once and that was a year ago.” You tell her but she looks up at you. Nodding as she purses her lips.

“Condoms only go so far sweetheart. We just have to ask patients who we find to be with a child incase of any birth control so we can remove it immediately, the birth control, I mean, remove that immediately.” With child. You were with a child. Pregnant. Your heart nearly falls out of your chest and the nurse says a few more things but they don’t register.

“Y-You mean there’s a baby inside of me?” You don’t know what color you look right now but you would assume pale, or green with the feeling of vomiting and this time not from slightly uncooked raw leftover chicken.

“Yup, about one month along it looks! We still will want to run more tests and…” she talks more and more but you don’t listen. Your brain foggy, you don’t know if you’re going to pass out or throw up or shit everywhere from how nervous you were. Hell, even all three seemed like an option as she talked. “So I’ll leave you to tell the important news?” She asked. This was apart of her regular day to day, she probably had hundreds of girls like you come in. Clueless and thinking of a stomach bug and then finding out they are pregnant.

“Y-Yeah.” You try to form a smile.

“Perfect, just meet me up at the desk whenever you’re ready. There’s a bathroom down the hall if you are feeling queasy and of course, help yourself to as many waters in the mini fridge in our waiting room. Congratulations!” She says before she turns out and all you hear is the door click shut. The white noise of the light and the taps of your fingernails against the cool metal bed.

You know it was professional and sweet of her to allow you space to call your significant other but you only stare at Tom's contact. Staring at the word ‘Tommy’ with almost all the heart emojis and his contact pictures of him with the biggest smile.

You have no guts to tell him right in the moment, but rather get off of the paper coated bed and grab your things to leave. Setting up a new appointment with your doctor to see more into the baby. Pregnant, with child, before competition. You and Tom were going to have a faimily.

July.

Tom still hadn’t known the news. It had only been a week but the guilt still ate you alive.

You didn’t want to worry or stress him. You yourself still tried to wrap your brain around it. A baby, every breath you took, every bite of food you ate, every drink you swallowed and every step you took there was a baby you shared it with.

You think about how every time tom had wrapped his arms around your waist this week he gently touched over the baby. Kissing your lying lips, you hated yourself for it.

As for competition, your mind nearly forgot. Still getting in the waters everyday with Tom but this time a bit more cautious. Everytime Tom worried for you, you quickly would cover his worry up with either a joke or kisses.

As for the throwing up, morning sickness was something that came in and out. You started hating the smell of bacon tom cooked in the morning but just waved it off. He noticed your decline in caffeine and beers and wines but you just told him the best athletes only had what’s best for their body before performing.

Tom believed all of it. Every single white lie you told—even though you hated yourself for telling them— believed them.

“How ya feeling?” Toms lips met your forehead as you cuddled up on the couch today. Extra tired and almost positive the baby was screaming at you for rest. You cuddled a bowl of popcorn and a water bottle.

“Mmh, just fine.” You give him a smile as his lips come down to meet yours.

Stealing some popcorn from the bowl, he heads over to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

“I’m thinking we do shrimp tonight?” He looked over and you made a face.

“Ew, no.” You shake your head and he gives a furrowed brow look.

“What? You love shrimp!” He responds and you feel yourself growing hot. Hiding deeper in the Blanket and not wanting to show your face.

“Well, I’m just not in the mood for it tonight.” That was another thing, lots and lots of emotions. Luckily Tom had plenty of emotions to match.

“Okay...tuna?” He offers and you shook your head. “Steak?” Once again and no. “Chicken?” No. “Okay, love, you’ve gotta help me out. I know you’re not feeling well but I’m helpless in here.” He says and your eyes start to water. He notices and immediately comes over.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he comes in front of the couch and crouches down to you. “What’s wrong?” He stroked your cheek and you shook your head.

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” You sniffle. “Seriously, I’ll help you. I’m thinking pasta.” You smiled and he did too.

“Yeah that’s not too bad.”

And so you two made and ate dinner completely normally. No tears from you, no sickness from you. Tom only talked about the waves out today and how much you would’ve loved it. Now you two spent time washing up.

“You think that one girl with red hair will be there like last year? She was so annoying.” You laughed as you got excited again for competition. Tom grew tense as you mentioned it. You noticed that. How he didn’t talk much about competition anymore. It went from the only thing you two talked about to now nothing. You knew how excited he was, the both of you were but suddenly it was like that excitement was put in a box to rest.

“Yeah...she was.” He kinda laughed but then just washed harder at the dish.

“Everything okay? You’ve kinda stopped talking about competition.” You put down your plate and that's when he took a deep breath.

“It’s nothing, I promise.” He tells you, pressing his lips into a lying smile that you knew.

“Baby, you can tell me anything you know. I’m always here for—“ and with that, he cut you off and told you the words you hated to hear.

“I-I took you out of the competition,” Tom sighed, dropping the dish rag on the counter in defeat. He watches as your face goes from annoyed to shock. Anger builds behind the eyes he find peace in. “It was wrong me me to do so—“

“damn right it was wrong of you to do so!” You slam your hand on the counter. “W-why would you?”

“You were sick! You were so sick for so long and what was I going to let you do? just make yourself worse—“

“it was the stress! I told you it was the—“

The built up ignored tension between you both finally caused him to snap.

“Is your period being late stress too?” His words caused the room to be silent. You take a sharp breath as you stare at him with anger but not at him anymore, at the fear of your new life.

“I’m just late, it’s normal for a woman like me to be rhis stressed and late...” you trailed off and this time he had the red face.

“Bullshit. What happened at that doctors appointment.” He demanded. You didn’t say a word at first which only angered him more. “Damnit (y/n)—“

“I’m pregnant.” You finally cry out and he knew his thoughts could be true, he knew they had to be but the moment those words left your mouth his whole body froze. He went pale with fear and shock, his hand no longer gripping the counter out of anger but out of support in case he passes out. The tears that left your eyes were uncontrollable as you let out a sob, the first sob that snapped tom back into reality.

He didn’t think twice, his arms supportively wrap around you as he tells you sweet nothings to try and calm you and himself.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He mumbled into your hair. You swallowed hard as you pulled back, your face wet with tears and you sniffled. His thumbs come up to wipe away each tear and each trace of mascara.

“Because I wanted to be normal still! I wanted to compete, I wanted to surf! I can’t surf anymore tom, i'm going to be a mom and I won’t have time for surfing.” You sob more and he only pulls you back into his grasp.

“I’m so selfish and stupid to even think to compete but I just want to n-not—“ you can’t even spit it out anymore.

“Who said you can’t surf when you’re a mom?” He moved back to hold your face. You didn’t look at him, he wasn’t going to force you to either. This was your decisions right now, he just wanted to listen.

“When you’re a woman and a mother, everything is for your child. You will have time to surf because you’re a dad but no one wants a mom to do anything but take care of their kid and I’ll love this baby so much, I will, but don’t want to lose myself. I’m young, you’re young and you’re about to be the next big thing.” You punch his shoulder playfully trying to lighten things up. “I—i-W-we’ll—“ you start again and he shakes his head.

“Don’t even say it. Sweetheart, you’re having a baby, our baby. I will make sure you still surf, when it’s safe, Of course. I-I don’t even have the words right now, my heart is racing, feel it.” He placed your hand over his chest to feel his pounding heart. “You will be (y/n) Holland, the infamous surfer that beat Tom Holland twice last year and you will be the mother to our kid. Their badass mom.” He cracks a smile as his hand goes to your stomach.

A shared moment where he only touches the stomach as he learns about it. You look at him softly and he looks at you as if you were the entire world. As if he was a little kid at sea world for the first time, he looks at you with beauty and hope and a hint of thankfulness

“For a minute,” you speak again. “I thought you were completely calm about this.” You chuckle and he shakes his head.

“No, I actually think I’m going to throw up.” He held his breath for a moment before he moved to the trash can and emptied his worried stomach.

This time it was you rubbing his back and wiping his mouth. Maybe you wanted to roll your eyes at the Irony but you just knew he loved you.

Holland. He used the last name Holland on you for the first time you’d ever heard it. He said it so confidently as if you two were already married. Holland. You can get use to that.

-

Day of competition

there was this sort of shock in everyone’s face as they watched you walk in shorts and a tee. Joining the crowds of people instead of getting ready for the waves of water.

This year was no wetsuit with your board, slathering sunscreen on your face as you got ready but rather taking a seat in that sand just like everyone else. Carrying a baby no one knew about except you and Tom and a few friends and family.

Your body was warm with nerves, hundreds of cameras here usually captured the sea, interviewing the surfers afterwards. Although it was not like Hollywood, there was no TMZ or dailymail, but there was enough interest and news casters to tilt their heads for why they infamous (y/n) (y/l/n)—soon to be (y/n) Holland—took a seat with the friends and family. Cheering on from the sand.

“Hey.” Z snaps you out of your constant looking around, how your eyes never focused on one thing.

“Ease up a bit, babes, no one even knows.” She knew, you knew you had to explain to her when you were sitting out. Just as Tom explained to his brothers and the two of you both would explain to his mother after competition. For he knew the women would get so excited she would explode

“Right.” Was all you said as you started clapping with the rest of the crowd when the games begun. It would be a moment for them to get to tom, they always let the younger ones go first, you and Tom were in that fine middle where you had to wait just for the middle of the games.

“Do you want a boy or a girl?” Z asked with a hint of excitement to her voice. She kept it quite enough to where it was just you.

“I’m okay with either.” You didn’t ever care much for gender, although a girl would be nice to balance out the male testosterone you’re always around. “A girl would be nice though.” You smile at Z.

She gives a smile back, leans back on the towel as she soaks up the sun. “And Tom?” She asked and you shrugged.

He had talked about almost everything but a boy or girl, when you asked if he cared he told you,

“as long as they have two arms, two legs, a torso, a head, comes out of me with no trouble, then it’s a perfect surfing buddy.” You quote him exactly, smiling at his words from a few nights ago.

When he found out, his hands never left your stomach, even though you reminded him the baby was only the size of a grape. That well...it was just a bunch of cells forming up in the moment that couldn’t exactly kick for it had legs the size of your pinky nail. He still waited, he waited and waited, you didn’t even know what he was waiting for at one point for he would pause between his words at the baby or when he asked you a question he looked down at your stomach as if they would reply for you or before you.

“I know hes nervous as hell, but he’s so excited, I know it. The other day Harrison told me he cried when he told him. Tom, crying.” Z laughed a bit and you did too.

“If you think I’m the emotional one...turn on coco or inside out and see what happens to that man.” You chuckled as you turned your head back to the waters to watch tom with a smile on his face blow a kiss in your direction before getting on his board. Paddling out to the sea you watch him get ready to take the first wave, the crowd goes wild and your hand rests over your stomach.

This time, next year, you would sit on these sands with a smaller version of the two of you.

August.

Being early in your pregnancy but far enough to show was not as glamorous as people made it be.

Your shorts no longer fit, shirts started to get loose at the top and tight at the bottom and for the love of heaven you slept so much. Tom liked the idea of endless naps, somedays you wondered if he was the pregnant one instead of you. As he slouched around, ate just as many snacks as you and started to even complain about some of the same things you did.

Maybe it was the impact your moods had on him or the fact he stopped drinking caffeine since you no longer could have it and he didn’t know what his life was before morning coffee was with you. He was almost the same as you were durning the pregnancy.

“What are you doing?” Putting on a bikini for the first time since you told Tom. For the first time in about a month. You didn’t like the fit much anymore, the bloation you constantly had and the extra weight you now carried in your thighs, arms and breasts made you insecure. The top that used to fit perfect now had you grunting to tie. But you had to wear what you had to wear to get you in the water.

“I’m coming with you to the beach.” You say innocently and he shakes his head.

“You’re not picking up a board, you know that. Besides, the waters have been rough lately, there’s that storm coming in and one hard wave can hit you and I don’t want that to happen.” He exaggerates and you look at him with a dead stare.

“Tom, I haven’t touched the water in over a month, I’m pretty sure my skin cells are changing because of it.” You exaggerate as well and he comes up to you.

“Well, I’m not letting you in the water. It’s too dangerous.” He was serious, at first you thought he was just being dramatic, he was still going to let you swim but he was 100% serious.

“Tom, you’re kidding.” You scoff a bit and he shakes his head.

“I’m sorry darling, I know a lot is happening—“ he starts and you move back.

“The doctor said I am healthy enough to be physically active and I—“ before you could finish he cut you off.

“The doctor said you could do some squats, leg workouts, lift a 5lb weight, that was the type of exercise he said. The waters are too dangerous, please don’t argue with me.” He pleads but your emotions get the best of you. Anger starting to build and your body heating up.

Tom had learnt one thing so far; don’t upset the pregnant women and that’s exactly what he did.

“You’re telling me to not argue with you when you are the one holding me hostage in my own home? God, Tom, I have a life still too! A month ago you said you understood what it was going to take and now you’re treating me the way I specifically asked not to! I’m getting in the water, I haven’t been in the water for months it feels like and that’s all I know—“ your rant continues but Tom isn’t looking at you anymore. He’s looking at your side view in the mirror.

Your bump is showing, the bump he swore he could kinda feel but not see was now showing. Almost like it grew overnight.

“Fuck, Tom! Look at me while I’m—“ you start to yell again but he steps closer.

“Look.” He stares at the mirror and comes closer to your bump.

“Oh my…” you see exactly what he’s seeing. The small curve outwards that is your swollen stomach. Your bump.

“May I?” He asked and your mood went from angry to overfilled with happiness. Your eyes starting to tear ss you nodded.

“Tom, it’s your child too, you can touch.” You told him and he did. Your hand even went to your stomach as you rubbed over the bump that was barely forming.

“It’s like it happened overnight.” He laughed a bit and you did too.

“I swear it wasn’t there last night when I got out of the shower. I swear.” You let a few tears fall and he peppers soft kisses.

“I’m sorry.” He gently stroked at the stomach and you sniffled.

“I’m sorry too. I know you just want what’s best for us but I’m just…” you sniffle some more not being able to finish.

“I know baby, I know.” He gets up and wraps his arms around your back. Pulling you in for a hug for you to cry on his chest. So emotional over everything but he was right there. Right there with you.

“We can call the doctor about you surfing, we can call him right now if you want. But I just can’t lose you.” He gives a smile and you nod as your lips meet with his.

“C-can you order the chicken from the place I like?” You finally regain your composure and he nods.

“Of course, anything else?” He looks down at the stomach and you shake your head.

“No, not for now.” You smile down at the small bump forming. “Wait!” You stop him as he’s leaving to grab the phone. He turns to face a guilty looking you, “and mozzarella sticks.” You rub your stomach and he nods. With a faint smile he goes,

“always.” As that was your constant craving. Leaving you in the room for a moment and coming back to see you dressed back ins sweats and a tee shirt, Tom smiled and gladly cuddled up next to you, rubbing and talking to the bump about the future. Maybe you couldn’t surf, but you had Tom right by your side.

December.

Christmas cookies and sweetly salted popcorn occupied your side as you spent a snowy Christmas in London. No beach, no blazing sun even during the day, Tom took you home where you were now five months pregnant.

Heavily showing and to even think you wanted to go surfing months ago was laughable. You hated getting up to shower somedays for it was too much work.

“Darling, Angel, my pretty girl,” Tom sat next to you nervous with his next words. “I know you’re pregnant but there are only so many Christmas cookies.” He told you and you smacked his shoulder.

“Thomas, she’s pregnant! She’s allowed as many cookies as she wants besides there are more in the oven but pregnant women gets first pick as she is carrying my grandchild.” His mom immediately came to your defense. Taking so much good care of you while you were here, Tom doesn’t even think he got this much affection as a sick child.

“I wasn’t saying it’s a bad thing for her to eat cookies, I just want one!” Tom defended himself and you handed him a cookie and you felt your baby kick.

“See? They don't even want you stealing our cookies. I’m eating for two, I’m eating for your baby. You eat a lot by the way! Remember that summer you went through the whole fridge in a week? Yeah, now I’m eating for a tiny version of that! And myself! It’s hard out here for me and what did you do huh? Take two minutes!” You snatched the cookie back from him and rubbed your stomach. His brothers stifled a laugh and Tom grew red in embarrassment.

“I last longer than two minutes.” He says is a mumble.

Rolling your eyes, You rested your head on Toms shoulder and moved his hand over to the kicking stomach. “She says thank you.” You smile as you take a bite from the cookie.

“A she?” His mom perks up and the rest of the family does.

It was a mistake, you and Tom had a battle of the sexes. It seemed as if you didn’t want to know the gender right before your winter holiday. Or really the gender at all. The gender was available for you guys now but you both didn’t see it as a big deal. The baby’s room would be filled with ocean themed toys and a gentle blue wall Anyways. And besides, whatever they decide to be they would make the perfect surfing buddy. Although it was still fun to think of, You thought a girl and Tom swore a boy.

“No, mum, we still don’t know I promise. (Y/n) is just messing around.” He swore and the family relaxed again.

“He’s right, I am just joking. Tom is probably right with his assumption, thinking it may be a boy. With all this moving and eating, just like Tom.” You poke his cheek and Tom again flusters in embarrassment.

“Hey, I have a fast metabolism.” He told you and you kissed his temple.

“I know baby, I’m just teasing you. My man knows how to stay fit and sexy.” You playfully rub his stomach and suddenly the stifled laughs from the boys turn into disgusted noises.

There was everything to indicate a boy, well, mostly just a gut feeling. Tom's mother described her pregnancy with Tom to you and it was nearly the same. A baby boy, you could see that. You would need another fridge and a lot more paper towels assuming the babe will be like Tom and eat yet spill everything. You liked the idea of a boy. Plus, Tom had been playing a stupid game where he asked the baby questions making it kick for an answer. When Tom asked if it was a boy or girl, it kicked the moment he said boy.

The ding of the kitchen timer went off, more cookies fresh out of the oven and Tom was quick to jump up.

“Let me help m’lady up.” He grabs your hands and you grunt as you stand up. You walk with Tom at your side and once you are alone eating more cookies in the kitchen your hand rubs over your stomach as you feel the baby kick in excitement.

“Off the topic of gender, I think they miss the ocean. They kick so much just when I sit in the bath like they are having fun in the water.” You mention water and you feel a kick. They couldn’t understand, but they could hear and a smile rose to yours and Tom's face.

“Then they’re just like their mama.” He leans in and kisses your cheek.

“Who knows, maybe once we get back I’ll get in the—“ before you can finish your sentence about surfing, a sharp kick to your bladder causes you to hunch over with a pained face. Tom worried as he held you panicked but you got back up with a deep breath.

“Nevermind, little one didn’t like that idea.” You hold onto his arms tightly.

“Everything okay? Just a bladder kick?” He panicked and you just nodded.

“Yup.” Your face scrunches up again. “Just the bladder.” You suddenly have the urge to pee. “Now shoo, I’ve got to pee.” You tell him and he looks at you in confusion.

“You just peed like—“ you give him a look making him think about how he’s finishing his sentence. “Right, my darling.” He moved out of your way to let you go. Snatching one more cookie from the tray, he smiled as he thought how next year at this exact time, you would be holding a little baby.

April.

One week. You were one week late and as any normal pregnant woman would be resting in bed and rubbing over her swollen belly and anticipating the child’s arrival. Although that was not what you were doing.

Against Tom's wishes, you went back to work to see the kids start up their surfing lessons. Although there would be no swimming for you, no waves for you just yet, seeing the kids happy to be there was something that sparked joy to your heart always. Helped ease your nerves and turn them into excitement.

“Mrs. (Y/l/n)-Holland, look what I learnt how to do!” One of the kids calls out. You had a smile for not only did they call you by both yours and Tom's name, but that they had always been excited to show you new things.

“That was amazing Ryder!” You clapped at the boy who did a handstand. He had a big smile with teeth missing. Your hand went over your stomach again, an aching pain that was noting but a false labor.

The doctor said it was fine. Women always experienced this right before birth and just take a deep breath but don’t waste your time rushing to the hospital just for them to send you home.

It was normal to be late and that you had a stressful year so it was okay. The doctor mentioned that you still felt contractions which meant you were close. But when it was Tom, every slight indicator of pain you felt meant a freak out where he rushed around the house to get the baby bag and try and get you in the car when in reality, you just had to pee. 

“T-That’s really cool.” You wince and the boys face goes from excitement to worry. Within the luck, Tom comes jogging from the parking lot with lunch for the two of you. Hoping to get in the water with the kids and keep an eye on you.

“Hey Angel.” He kissed your cheek but noticed your pain. “Everything okay?” He panicked and you nodded.

“Yeah, yeah, Ryder here was just showing me how he can do a handstand now—“ you can’t even finish as the pain was strong.

“(Y/n)?” Tom needed to be calm, your face scrunched up as you held your swollen stomach. “Darling, Angel, pretty girl, look at me.” He used all the pet names you liked and you looked up at him with worry in your eyes. “I think it’s time for us to meet the little one.” He nods with a trying smile and you feel an even sharper pain.

“Mmh, I can’t do this.” You breath heavily as you hold onto the stomach. “Yes you can, if you can surf a wave that is 12 feet with no wipeout then you can birth our baby.” He promised and also got the little boy who was so excited to show you his new moves a moment ago to run and get another adult.

“Tom, I-I can’t.” You felt yourself tearing up and he shakes his head. Your heart pounding and mind swarming with worried.

“You can, you will. You are the strongest women I—“ before he can start his motivational speech you cry out in pain.

“Get me in the goddamn car!” You cry and he nods and gets you up before anything worse. He rushes to the hospital as quick as he can, holding your hand and trying to not crash as you hold your stomach and scream.

When he gets to the hospital, he’s still in a wetsuit. They take immediate action into getting you into a room where you are laying with your legs up waiting for a doctor. Holding Tom's hand as you cry.

“Uh sir?” The doctor walks in and looks at the man in the wetsuit. “We’re going to have to ask you to put on scrubs...helps prevent any ourside clothing germs getting on the baby...are you wearing anything under that?” She asked and he immediately started unzipping.

“Jesus tom, not here, she wants you to get changed in the bathroom.” You shake your head as you run your hands over your face. In pain but want to laugh at your worried boyfriend for how he was acting in the moment.

“Right! Right!” He quickly changes from the wetsuit into the scrubs. The doctors look at him funny but let it go as you’re clearly in pain and needing the baby to be out.

“You got this love, you’re doing so good—“ he starts again but you don’t even want to hear it.

“was this really worth two minutes! I’m getting my fucking tubes tied!” You scream at him and he flushes a deep shade of red as one of the nurses giggles.

After one more big push you heard the sound of a cry filled the room. For just a second, all the pain you felt went away as you see the body of your baby, baby boy. You both were right, a beautiful little boy.

“A boy.” Tom breathes out in awe.

“Dad you wanna come cut the cord?” He looked at you for approval and you nodded. He cut the cord with shaky hands, couldn’t focus for the life of him as he just stared at the boy. You only got to hold him for a second before he’s taken off to a bath. Tom following them before they bring him back in a bundle of blankets.

“Oh my…” you hold the beautiful boy. His little lips open just a bit to make a sound while his eyes flutter to adjust to the light. “Look at him tom.” You feel yourself cry and Tom does too.

“Wow, look at you.” He touched the boy's cheek who immediately tried to take the finger into his mouth. “You did that.” He tells you as the two of you admire it.

“We did that.” You tell him and he smiles a bit. “Although yeah, it was mostly me.” The boy stares hard at Tom, Tom who was still in just swim trunks and scrubs.

“Hey, I ate a lot with you during this pregnancy. Even had my own morning sickness.” He teased and you only laughed.

The room going silent for a moment. Hearing the little cooes of your boy as you held him. Toms finger tracing over his cheek when you finally spoke, “Caspian.”

Tom had mentioned how he liked the name for a boy, more than once. It had connections to the water and to Europe so the child would have a bit of both. You had to admit to yourself that you liked it but just wanted to stick with a more casual name. But looking at how he looked at you the moment you said that name, you knew it was the one.

“Caspian?” He repeated and you nodded.

“Caspian Holland.” You told.

He smiled as he kissed your forehead. “Holland? Just that?” He asked as well and you nodded.

“Yeah, yeah just like that.” You smiled. A perfect moment in the perfect situation was interrupted by a small nurse who held a tee shirt.

“Uh sir?” The nurse looked at the two of you and both of your attentions were caught. “So unfortunately we have to ask you to wear a shirt, we got one from the lost and found for you hoping that it would fit.” The shirt read “I’m not as fun as mom” and Tom's face dropped. A proud smirk rises to your face as you look at Tom who’s flared his nostrils just a bit to show his embarrassment.

“Yeah Tom, put on the shirt.” You encouraged and he looked at you. His eyes telling you that you’re going to regret that but you can’t wait 15 years into the future to tell your son.

Sighing as he took the shirt from the poor nurse and sat back down on the chair in a huff.

“You’re never letting me live this one down are you?” Shaking your head you look back down at the boy,

“no, I don’t think we will.” You brought your dry cracked lips down to the boys forehead, you had no water within the past hour and screaming with crying seemed to make you as dead as possible. “Caspian. Caspian Holland.” He whispers again. “Thank you.” He looked at you and you furrowed your brows.

“For everything.” After months of no surfing, months of pain and aches, instead of saying anything back you looked at him and said

“sushi.” Was all you said and he furrowed his brows.

“W-what?” He questioned.

“I need sushi, please.” You sigh and he smiled. Months of being unable to eat any fish that was all you wanted in the moment.

“One California roll coming up.” He kissed your cheek and then the boy's cheek. Calling in the nurse, sending for a California roll and tuna.

Caspian was sleeping soundly in Tom's arms while you ate and rested. Everything was worth it, from the moment he stepped on a plane one summer to Hawaii he knew it was worth it for he found a family in the end.

June.

Once again the sand was squishing under your toes. Feeling each and every grain as you held your baby boy tightly bundled in blankets against your chest as you walked out to the beach. He was freshly bathed, you and Tom took turns. You were so eager the moment you were cleared to get back in the water after birth that the day the doctor cleared you for physical activity, you did it.

But tonight wasn’t you getting in the water, it was you greeting Tom and telling him to come back inside.

“Dinner is done.” You call out to him as he jogs back to the two of you. The baby boy cooing as he sees the ocean and his fathers dripping wet figure coming towards them.

“Hey, look who’s out.” He immediately leans in and kisses all over the pretty baby boy's face. “My sweet boy is so fresh and clean.”

You and Tom had argued about who he had looked more like,You or Tom. he had Tom's nose for sure and his big brown eyes that you knew were going to be trouble. If you had a hard time saying no to Tom when he batted his lashes and gave a glossy look, it was going to be impossible to say no to your beautiful boy.

“He just took a bath. But it wasn’t the ocean.” You smiled and Tom pressed a kiss to your face too.

“Mmh, did you?” He looks at the boy who was yawning in his mother’s arms. “Want to swim a bit?” He asked and you shook your head.

After birth, Tom did a lot of the work. He loved it too. He claimed you needed rest, in which you did, but you would often find him just sitting in the nursery staring at the baby boy. Telling him stories to sleep and kissing his face. He would let you surf, bathe, sleep, all while he took care of your beloved boy.

“No, I’m so tired I think if I use my legs any longer they will snap.” You give a pout and Tom immediately kisses it away.

Tom started to gather his stuff, the beach towel and the bag he normally carried and the moment he started to pack up your baby boy let out a wail.

Within the two months of his birth, you were able to identify each cry. When he was hungry it was more of a gurgle, when he was sleepy it was more strained and forced, when he craved touch it was a whimper sounding cry and then there was this. He was simply upset something did not go his way. May you or Tom stepped away for a moment, the bottle gone too early, but now it was his father packing up his stuff that makes him scream a cry that makes heads turn.

“What’s the matter bubs?” Tom pouts as he sets the stuff down and comes over to him.

Once the stuff is set down the cries settle just a bit, settle enough until tom takes him out of your arms and presses him up against his body.

Still wet from the surf, you both think the baby liked it. While Tom occupied little Caspian, you picked up the towels and his bag for him and once again the boy let out a wail cry which made you and Tom furrow your brows.

“I-I don’t know what it is. I-I changed him and I bathed him and he was perfectly fine and—“ you start to panic and as you panic you drop the stuff which calms his cries. Tom immediately took notice and grew a smile that made his heart flutter in his chest.

“(Y/n),” he stops you and you look up at him with a worried look as if you’ve done something wrong. “He wants to stay. He wants to stay on the beach.” Tom says in a calm voice and the boy was now only cooing in Tom's arms. He bounced gently but mostly cooed as his daddy smiled at him.

“H-He knows we’re leaving the beach.” You sigh and come over to the boys. Petting your sons head as he relaxes in his fathers arms.

“Like I’ve always said, just like his mama.” Tom smiled up at you and you caught his lips for a kiss. “Well…” you rub your hands on your thigh, wiping off the sand you got stuck all over your hands. “Since Caspian always gets his way, I better bring dinner out here.” You smile as you poke at the sweet boys face and Tom moves and has a serious face.

“(Y/n), no, you can’t just whip out your boob in front of—OW! I’m kidding!” You smacked his arm for the stupid comment he made that at first had you worried.

“I hate you. I’m bringing out the dinner.” You start to walk off and he smiles.

“You love us!” He shouts back.

“Just Caspian! You? Not much you. remember...you’re not as fun as mom!” You call out to him, sending him a wink and he wants to say something back but he holds his tounge.

Looking down at the baby boy he says, “when I teach you how to surf I need you to beat mums ass a few times while you’re out there. Just for her little comments.” Tom spoke to the boy and he cooes. “Atta boy.” With that he plots down on the sand towel.

Setting caspian down on the towel for just a moment so he can strip from his wetsuit and be closer to him. You come back out balancing the plates of food for you and Tom as you seat next to them and eat. Leaning your head on Toms shoulder and kissing at it.

You never knew that one competition, one amateur British boy and one shared basket of fish and chips could lead you to the best moments of your life. Could lead you to the best family you’ve ever had.

Please leave feedback! It helps me grow as a writer and lets me know what more you want to see!

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[dalekofchaos]

What would you say are the biggest mistakes Mass Effect 3 made?

Okay this is going to be a long one, but these would be the biggest mistakes ME3 ever made in my opinion

Choosing Cerberus over The Reapers. The thing that annoyed me most about ME3 is the fact that Harbinger is not the main threat. The Illusive Man is. Harbinger has been built up as the big bad since ME2. "YOU HAVE FAILED. WE WILL FIND ANOTHER WAY." He says as he discards the Collectors. Then his speech to Shepard as the base blows up. "Human, you've changed nothing. Your species has the attention of those infinitely your greater. That which you know as Reapers are your salvation through destruction. You will surrender your potential against the growing void. We return, and you will rise. We are the harbinger of your perfection. We will bring your species into harmony with our own. Your species will be raised to a new existence. We are the beginning, you will be the end. Prepare for our domination. Prepare for our coming." Then in Arrival, he came pretty damn close to unleashing quick subjugation and harvest upon an unprepared galaxy. Upon Shepard foiling his plans. "Shepard. You have become an annoyance. You fight against inevitability. Dust struggling against cosmic winds. This seems a victory to you. A star system sacrificed. But even now, your greatest civilizations are doomed to fall. Your leaders will beg to serve us. Know this as you die in vain: Your time will come. Your species will fall. Prepare yourselves for the Arrival." The perfect final villain right? Unfortunately, Cerberus was more focused on than The Reapers. My problem with Cerberus and no Harbinger is Too many Cerberus, too few Reaper forces in plot. We fight Cerberus more often than the reapers. Hardly any boss fight and the one with Reaper Destroyer on Rannoch was more an interactive movie than fight. During the Horizon mission in Mass Effect 2, Harbinger was solidified as the Big Bad. It was menacing and ominous, with just the right amount of annoying. It taunted us throughout the game, telling us how insignificant we were, and how our actions were pointless. It was willing to posses drones through the Collector General to fight us personally, and when we killed the host, it tossed them aside. Harbinger even gave the typical “You haven’t seen the last of me!” villain rant. It made any fire fight frustrating, and that made me want to kill it even more; I hated Harbinger. Many games fail to do that. Harbinger was an enemy which I looked forward to defeating. I had the desire to annihilate. In Mass Effect 3, I got a codex entry and a cameo. Harbinger just swoops in at the last second and blows my friends and I to hell(and lets the Normandy save them), then flies off. Personally, I would have loved to hear Harbinger’s menacing monologue, it drove me on. I would have felt a deeper motivation to take the fight back to Earth if it told me how much destruction the Reapers were causing, how many lives were lost. I felt cheated when I got to the final mission, only to suddenly realize it was largely absent from the game. Harbinger has been replaced. Replaced by the Illusive Man and Kai Leng. The former is an old acquaintance, albeit one now controlled by the Reapers. The latter is a space ninja from a terrible book. What would've been amazing is if Harbinger IS the Catalyst. Harbinger taunts and haunts Shepard throughout the game He uses the memory of that child to haunt Shepard as a symbol of humanity lost. After Shepard activates the Crucible. Harbinger appears. He explains to why and how The Reapers were made. the AI Leviathan created to solve the equation is Harbinger all along, Harbinger manipulated The Leviathan into giving it Reaper form and birth at first it did what it commanded and what they asked of it was to look at the dark energy building up which back then was only an anomaly that Leviathan was concerned with but then the first harvest began and Harbinger and The Reapers were born. Funny enough, Leviathan reminds me so much of FMA:Brotherhood. The Intelligence tricked Leviathan to create the Reaper is very similar to how the Dwarf in the flask became Father. So what I think should have happened is it would've been revealed that Harbinger is the AI that convinced the Leviathan that harvest was the only way to survive and justifies the harvests not because organics and synthetics can't coexist, but because of the dark matter crisis. Throughout the game we would have more confrontations with Harbinger. Have him "ASSUME CONTROL" during fights. Give us a voiced confrontation between Shepard and Harbinger. Make it clear that Harbinger chose The Illusive Man and convinced him of together they could uplift and empower humanity over the lesser races. The Illusive Man is to Harbinger, as what Saren was for Soverign. Then the Crucible will grant us the choice to Destroy or Control The Reapers or Harvest this cycle to survive the Dark Matter crisis. You could either. Destroy Harbinger and The Reapers, while the united races would discover a way to stop the dark matter problem. Give in to Harbinger to harvest humanity to save the galaxy. Control The Reapers to stop the harvesting and to work together to stop the dark matter crisis.

Choosing to have a smaller crew than ME2 and focusing solely on the ME1 characters and screwing over or ignoring the ME2 crew, especially romancing Jack, Miranda and Thane. If it were up to me, this is what my ideal ME3 line up would be Ashley/Kaidan EDI Garrus Liara Tali Javik Jack Miranda Thane(EA forgot about him and simply chose to kill him off, I think Thane could’ve rejoined the crew and even had a mission where we find a cure for Thane and Kolyat) Grunt Mordin(you'll see how later) Legion(You'll see later) Balak or any Batarian Squadmember. Ideally it would be someone who survived the Bahak system or even a Batarian freedom fighter who puts his people’s survival over the pride and prejudices of the Hegemony. His sole goal is to liberate Khar'shan and save his people. But for a more memorable person, Balak would be the squad member. I would make killing Balak not an option. The last high ranking officer in the Hegemony. Instead of causing deaths on the Citadel, he seeks Shepard out. It’s an enemy of my enemy is my friend. Over time, Balak would show remorse for his past actions as a terrorist and for the Hegemony’s past. Shepard and Balak learns to overcome their differences and see each other as friend and works together to destroy the Reapers. We would get a Priority Khar’shan where we could liberate the planet and the Batarians would be in a fighting force.

Keeping James alive. I like James, but he added absolutely nothing to the game. We already had an Alliance character. Ashley Williams/Kaidan Alenko. James should have been the Jenkins/Wilson of the game. He should have died in the crash to take out Eva and Ashley/Kaidan should have been with us from beginning to end. James is a character we barely know. We’ve waited a long ass time to see Ashley/Kaidan and it was downright disappointing that neither Ashley nor Kaidan did not get to interact with Garrus on Priority Palaven and Wrex during Priority S’Urkesh.

Mirandafying Ashley Williams. Mirandafying Ashley Williams for Mass Effect 3 was shallow and unnecessary. Wearing loose and long hair and skimpy clothing? Ashley Williams is a by the books soldier. She would not look like this. She would not grow her hair or let it down like this. I mean, it’s not that they changed her face so much, but they just tried too hard with the makeup, hair and outfit. Ashley didn’t need to be model-sexy and run around in heels and showing cleavage. She was already sexy as hell in her own way. All they needed to do was give her the Alliance Crewmen outfit as her casual look and the Phoenix Armor and the current Alliance type armor she was given in ME3, as well as a unique Spectre armor. It's not just the shallow Mirandafying. It's the fact that Ashley has little to no interactions. Ashley barely has any interactions in the game. Compared to Kaidan, Ashley is not interactable. I don't like that Ashley barely has any interactions and just feels...hollow. Ashley should have crew moments with Joker, Adams, Ashley at the monument mourning those who died with the original Normandy, Liara, Tali and Garrus. Was it so much to ask for simple interactions? And really, Ashley in the first game had a personality, Ashley in ME3 feels hollow.

Choosing Diana Allers over Emily Wong and Khalisah al-Jilani. Emily and Khalisah are two reporters we actually know and respect. They earned their place on the Normandy. Emily reported on crime and traffic controllers. Khalisah gave us hard hitting questions and actually cared about reporting on what the fuck was going on in the galaxy. They earned their place on the Normandy as far as I'm concerned. Compare that to Diana Allers. What has Diana Allers done to deserve a spot on the Normandy? Nothing. They created the Battlespace to make her seem like a hip and cool Alliance News Correspondent. Allers looked, weird and she just comes off as annoying and she's a waste of space on the Normandy when we could've had a whole new or returning squad member. God, I WISH Javik could throw her out the fucking airlock. You had TWO perfectly great reporter characters and you did jackshit for any of them. Just so you could have an excuse to hire Jessica Chobot.

Not letting us see Tali's face on Rannoch. Legendary Edition fixed the mistake by finally showing us Tali's face, but it's still exclusive to Shali romancers. What should have happened was we see Tali's face when she unmasks on Rannoch. If we don't romance her, she unmasks and gives us a smile. If we romance her we see her face and kiss her. Something simple like that. It would've been great to see

Not having the ME2 squad members join in on the Citadel DLC. I mean for fuck's sake, it's like they want us to know "fuck you, ME1 squadmembers only" Again, why? Why wasn’t Jack, Miranda, Grunt, Samara, Jacob, Zaeed and Kasumi not added? If we romanced Jack or Miranda, why didn't they come to save us when we were being hunted? Why not REALLY making it feel like Team Hammerhead by actually adding the ME2 Squad members to the Citadel DLC before the party? There was no reason why you couldn't include the ME2 squad members in the Citadel DLC

Making Cerberus the villains instead of uneasy allies, when The Batarians were the perfect allies for The Reapers. This might just be me but I think Cerberus should have been on our side in ME3 and The Batarians should have been fighting for The Reapers. Makes sense Cerberus has just been a rouge organization doing what the job no matter what the cost(even if the cost is atrocities) and instead of indoctrinating themselves they could of studied it to make themselves immune to indoctrination and The Illusive Man's goal was to use any means necessary in order to destroy The Reapers. I also like the idea that you know you can't trust him, but he does get results. The Council and The Alliance are desperate, so they accept a partnership with Cerberus. The Batarians have always held a grudge against The Alliance, The Council and would have wanted revenge for Bahak/ Viper Nebula. The fact that there are no consequences for what we had to do in Arrival from The Batarians just doesn't make any sense and you'd think this would give The Batarians the motive to turn to The Reapers. Hell in the Terra Nova DLC in Mass Effect 1 it seemed to me that Balak was already indoctrinated and Balak’s revelation of the “Batarian rebellion” makes it seem like they would be the perfect tools for The Reapers. Balak will be the new Saren figure. If you killed Balak, then The Reapers would just bring him back. The first act of war for the Batarians was the destruction of the Viper Nebula, so their retaliation was killing Udina. Prior to the Reaper invasion of Earth, Udina would go to Omega to make peace talks with Aria. The Batarians attack and gain control of Omega, Aria is ousted(but saved by General Petrovsky) and Udina is executed live for the galaxy to see. Because of Udina's execution and Anderson leading the resistance on Earth. The Illusive Man is now the Human Councilor. Miranda and Kai Leng would be squad members. Depending on if you gave TIM the Collector Base or destroyed it, he will either keep you in the dark or help you at every turn. Just think of the Cerberus War Assets Cerberus Scientists General Oleg Petrovsky Collector Base Cerberus Fighters Cerberus Phantoms Cerberus Engineers Project Phoenix We would get a big mission to deal with the Batarians, Priority:Khar'shan. If you do not deal with the Batarians, there will be major casualties. However half of the Batarian forces are not indoctrinated and just want to end the mistakes of their government and live. Balak wants to kill the rebellion of his people. Ironic. Somehow Balak has placed enough bombs on the planet to destroy everyone who is resisting Reaper indoctrination. We can either. Talk Balak out of it. Telling him to resist and fight for your people(which WOULD gain Balak as an ally) or talk Balak into killing himself. Or the true Renegade option is to kill Balak and order a strike that wipes out the Batarian forces, but sacrificing the Batarian Rebellion. By the time we get to Priority Earth everyone is on the same page and united against the true threat, The Reapers. And it is Harbinger who is the final boss

Not having Maelon be there with Mordin in ME3. This isn't really a problem, but I had a thought. If we spared Maelon and kept Maelon's data for the cure. Maelon should have been on board to help Mordin with the cure. If we warn Mordin and Maelon about the sabotage, then Maelon would choose to sacrifice himself to save Mordin. And after that, Mordin would choose to join Shepard's crew.

Legion's "death" is pointless. He....is software. He could easily copy and paste The Reaper code without sacrificing himself in the same manner when he was broadcasting the Reaper signal to all Geth. Or he could've disseminated himself after he made a copy and transfer that copy over to his platform. I just get the feeling that they didn't want to keep Mordin, Thane or Legion alive....for reasons.

[i-ramble-about-shows]

So after watching episode 3 twice here are my thoughts again in no real order

• Prince J'emm: excuse me while I just adopt myself into your family and friendship circle (he’s so cute XD) in all seriousness it was cute/nice of him to offer helping Conner when he noticed Conner didn’t know a lot of other martian males to help him build the alter (shame on you M’gann’s like 16 brothers. Yes shame on you to M’comm)

• Em seems to have more of an attitude this episode

• and Gar is obviously very on edge still. M’gann, Conner help your little brother out would you

• Okay my theory that Em was once engaged to the Prince was way off. Turns out it was the priestess he tried marrying but Em has said she’s been married twice so either she has two spouses or has been divorced which could be what she meant by her parents really want this wedding to go well. If she’s divorced she may feel her parents are disappointed in her for it.

• Ah so that’s why she’s got more of an attitude Em thinks M’gann is just doing the wedding traditions to please their parents and overall thinks M’gann doesn’t respect martian traditions. She’s wrong but figured there was a reason she had more of an attitude this time around.

• Ouch another painful sibling talk. “You were our big sister you should have protected us!” “I was just a kid.” Very much like M’gann’s talk with M’comm except this time she was in her brother shoes while Em was in hers.

• M’gann’s mom apologizing for not realizing sooner that M’gann’s new form is her true form rather then her birth form was sweet and it seems by Em’s expression that she may be starting to understand her better to

• Ah so that’s so M’gann managed to stowaway with her uncle I kinda wondered how she managed that

• Completely forgot to mention in my last thoughts post but I figured that ship bio ship flew around with was her offspring. The way they flew around together gave me major mama whale swimming around with her baby vibes

• Hmm watching prince J'emm as M’gann’s father talked to Conner about what j’onn learned on earth has me wondering if he’s going to go back to earth with them for awhile when the mars arc finishes off

• Oh shoot Gar is full on seeing things now well more specifically an angry, murderous Brion

• Quick thinking grabbing the ship J'emm

• Oh and he’s the one that went to find Gar despite the former Green beetle saying it was to dangerous and he would go. The prince really is getting attached to them it seems

• Hi totally M’gann thank you for fixing Gar and accidentally dropping a hint Brion was not totally in control of his choices

• Is Saturn girl a martian or is just another physic in general? I haven’t heard of her much before this show

•I made a separate post about the end credits already but I’ll say it again omg XD

[nothoughtsonlynat]

Chapter Eight: Woefully Out of Time

Beneath the Wreckage Masterlist

word count: 1.6k

a/n: so ummm I wasn’t planning on coming back yet but I had most of this series finished so I’m just gonna post it

MARSEILLE, FRANCE:

Arina crept through the countryside home with her gun drawn, taking shallow, steady breaths. The wooden floors never creaked under feet, purely because she had spent the first few years of her life walking in that house, and she knew exactly which boards to avoid. She knew which halls led where. She knew the room in which she was trained to kill. She knew the room in which her mother beat her over and over. And she knew what awaited her on the other side of the door she was facing.

Taking one last deep breath of peace and freedom, she kicked open the wooden door and stepped into the sunroom, pointing her gun at the woman seated in an old rocking chair.

“Hello, Arina. I’ve been waiting for you to come home,” Madame B said, not bothering to turn and face the terrified brunette.

“Madame B. I would say it’s nice to see you, but I think we both know that’s far from the truth.”

“Oh, enough of this childishness. Come sit. We have much to discuss.”

“And what if I don’t want to talk to you?”

“If you don’t want to talk, then why did you come all this way?”

“To kill you,” Arina stated shortly, feigning confidence.

“You would really kill your own mother? That’s harsh, Arina. Even for you.”

SOMEWHERE OVER THE ATLANTIC OCEAN:

“I still don’t get it. Why is Arina so fixed on killing Madame B?” Yelena asked the other two women in the jet, which had been so kindly provided by Mason.

“I have no idea. When I tried talking to her about it, she just closed down,” Natasha replied through the headset as she controlled the aircraft.

“I’d seen them go into Madame B’s office together a few times. And Dreykov’s office, too, actually. They avoided each other like the plague when people could see them, but they were together a lot behind closed doors. And Arina is terrified of her, always has been,” Valeriya added.

“That doesn’t make any sense. Arina never even talked about Madame B,” Yelena stated.

“Oh my god,” Natasha mumbled, the color draining from her face.

“What?” Yelena questioned. “Natasha, what?”

“For a while, Madame B wasn’t working on-site. She was gone for three years, and only came back a few months before I showed up. That’s also when Arina was put in the Red Room, and she was three years old. And Arina’s weird accent when we were kids—it was a mix of French and Russian, and now Arina is chasing Madame B in France.”

“What are you saying?”

“What if Madame B’s time away from the Red Room was to cover up a pregnancy? And raising a child?” the redhead theorized. “What if Arina is Madame B’s daughter?”

“Oh, shit. And the person Dreykov sent Madame B after was Arina,” Valeriya concluded.

“We need to get to France faster,” Yelena decided with determination.

MARSEILLE, FRANCE:

Arina tucked her gun into its holster and sat in the rocking chair across from her mother’s. Her eyes scanned over her mother’s form. She had aged; her hair had turned grey and wrinkles decorated her face. It almost made her appear softer—kind, even. But her eyes...they were just as cold as they had always been.

“So, you’ve just been sitting around here, waiting for me to show up?”

“You make me sound lazy, Arina. No, I knew you’d come back, but I only began waiting for your arrival once the Widows were free. God, you know, I spent so much time trying to keep you away from that damn Romanova, but you always went crawling back to that whore.”

“Watch it,” Arina spat, her hands itching to reach for the knife in her boot.

“Oh, right. My apologies, I’ll try to refrain from talking about her. I know that’s been a sore subject ever since she heartlessly abandoned you and the little blonde girl.”

“You can’t say shit about being heartless, Madame. You’ve hated me since the minute you gave birth to me. Hell, you’ve never even let me call you my mother.”

“I couldn’t let you get soft! This world would’ve eaten you alive, Arina. But none of that matters now. The Red Room is gone. So is Dreykov. That’s all water under the bridge.”

“Water under the bridge? Are you fucking insane? Dreykov sent you to kill your own daughter, and you were gonna do it. Actually, you’re probably still planning to. I was three and you put me into a program where I had to brutally murder my friends. It was a dance to the death, and you watched your own daughter fall down over and over without ever offering to help me up. For God’s sake, you enjoyed it! That is heartless.”

“I was just protecting you, Arina-”

“Cut the bullshit. You were never protecting me. You taught me how to fire a gun when I was a toddler, then sent me to the Red Room where I learned to use that against someone. That wasn’t protecting me, that was destroying me.”

“One day, you will see all that I’ve done for you.”

“Are you not even listening to me? The only thing you did was break me, but I’m done letting you get to me. I’m sorry, but I have to kill you. I don’t have a choice,” Arina cried, sniffling through traitorous tears.

“There’s always a choice, Arina. But if you do kill me, just know that Natasha will never be enough for you. All she’ll ever do is make you weak.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. ‘Love is weakness’ and all that. But guess what, you’ve never felt love in your life, and now you’re a frail old lady. Wanna explain that one?”

“After all this time, you still don’t get it. I took you away from her. We punished you over and over for protecting her and Yelena, but you always went back to them. You should’ve just killed her when I ordered you to. They’re nothing compared to you. You are the perfect weapon, and they are the Red Room’s greatest failures,” Madame B spat with disgust.

“Even if they’re failures in your eyes, keeping them safe will always be my greatest success.”

“Did you really? Did you honestly keep them safe?” the woman laughed.

“Natasha got out. I kept the guards away from Yelena. They might be a little broken but they’ll put each other back together again.”

“And what about you? I suppose you think I broke you beyond repair,” she scoffed.

“No, I don’t think that. I think you absolutely destroyed me. I’ve forgotten who I was. I’m so damaged that I can barely stand to look at my own reflection. But somewhere beneath all that wreckage, I’m still me. And I can’t freely be me if you’re still around, so I’m sorry, but goodbye.”

Arina drew her gun and aimed it at Madame B’s heart, unblinking and unwavering. She didn’t plan to hesitate, but she did. Her mother had tried to turn her into an unflinching weapon, but Natasha was her humanity. And it’s hard to kill your own mother when your humanity is, quite literally, barging in on the situation.

“Arina, don’t,” Natasha warned as she ran out into the sunroom. “Don’t do this. I know she’s your mother, and I know she’s hurt you more than anyone, but don’t pull that trigger. You’ll never forgive yourself.”

“She’s right, Arina,” Madame B stately calmly. “You aren’t strong enough to do this.”

“It’s not a matter of strength. It’s who you are, Arina. And you’re my Aria. Please don’t do this,” Natasha begged, Yelena standing beside her with pleading eyes.

“I know. I’m sorry I couldn’t be who you thought I was, Talia,” Arina apologized as her finger tightened around the trigger. A gunshot rang out in the room.

Arina looked down at her own chest, analyzing the rapidly spreading stain of blood ruining her shirt. She collapsed to her knees, dropping her gun to the ground.

Natasha spun around, catching sight of Valeriya with her weapon raised.

“What the hell did you do?” Natasha spat at the Widow before rushing over to help Arina.

“Ah, Valeriya. How nice of you to finally show up,” Madame B said with a smile as she stood from her chair. “She’ll be dead in minutes. Let’s go.”

Yelena, snapping out of her daze, raised her gun and shot Madame B, dead center of the forehead. Valeriya barely had time to raise her gun again before she was dead on the floor.

“Thank you,” Natasha breathed to her younger sister. “Now help me before she bleeds out.”

Stepping over the fallen bodies, Yelena rushed to Natasha’s side and put pressure on Arina’s wound.

“Th-thank you,” Arina coughed. “You’re my everything. Both of you. I’m s- I’m sorry.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Yelena snapped. “I’m so sick of everybody talking like they’re going to die. Nobody is dying. So just shut the fuck up.”

“She’s right, Aria. You’re not going anywhere. Just hold on,” Natasha instructed as she grabbed a blanket and held it against the wound. “Come on, Lena, we gotta get her to the jet.”

They picked Arina up and practically dragged her back to the jet. She passed out a few seconds after they lifted her, but they made it.

Yelena jumped into the cockpit and took off while Natasha tended to Arina. Tapping her cheek, she whispered, “Come on, Aria. Wake up for me, детка.”

“I’m up,” Arina mumbled, her eyes slowly blinking open.

“Good. Don’t fall asleep on me now, okay? I need you.”

“No, you don’t. You’ve always been stronger than me. I need you, though. I wish we could’ve had forever together, Talia.”

“I love you, Aria,” Natasha cried as Arina’s eyes slipped closed again. “Wait, wait, Aria, wake up. Wake up! Aria! Yelena, fly faster! She’s- oh god, she’s gonna die.”

“She’s not gonna die, сестра. Mom will know what to do,” Yelena yelled back from the cockpit, her voice trembling with uncertainty. Melina will know what to do.

[eveningstar1516]

Rise of the Demon King ~ Chapter 4

Rise of the Demon King

Fic: Multi Chapter Paring: MC x Everyone (Mostly Lucifer) Type: Angst with a Happy Ending Total Word Count: 26,758 TW: Major Character Death, Reader gets stabbed with a sword through their chest so…, Abusive Parents, Past Child Abuse, Demon Hunters, Loss of Control Summary: You’ve done it. You’ve finally done it. You’ve managed to anger the demon king. Now you hold your head high as he hands down your sentence.

AO3 Portal: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065362

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

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Previously:

Not wanting to stay in my head any longer, I drift off into a dreamless slumber awaiting the day that will ultimately decide not only my fate, but the fate of the demons I’ve grown to call, family.

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CHAPTER 4 - I want you to be the one... (1842 words)

Snapping my eyes awake I shivered against the air as a bucket of ice cold water was thrown into my face.

“Get up human!”

A guard then roughly pulled me up by the shoulder twisting my arms behind my back and locking them together while unlocking the chain on my ankle. Pushing me out of my cell and half escorting me half dragging me out of the dungeon and to where my trial was supposed to take place all before I could even register that I woke up. As we were walking toward what I assumed was the very same courtyard where we welcomed the king not 24 hours ago, I started hearing lots of yelling. Straining to hear, I realized that it was the brothers arguing amongst each other about what they should do and Diavolo attempting to calm them down, sounding conflicted himself. Upon entering the courtyard I locked eyes with the brothers as they fell silent in shock upon seeing me bound in chains as I was escorted on stage where the king was waiting with Diavolo and the brothers.

*Flashback*

After I passed out.

“Father! What did you do to them?!”

“I am humouring you my son. They are being held under the palace and I am forbidding any one of you from making contact with them.”

“My Liege, I implore you to please reconsider your judgment. They are unaware of how the politics work here and they simply misspoke. I assure you they don’t mean you any harm.” Lucifer lowered his head pleading to the king to reconsider his choice.

“Lucifer is right! They mean the world to us and they can’t possibly do anything to you or the Devildom!” Mammon joined in. The brothers then each said their piece about you.

“You all disgust me, pleading for a human's life. You are my highest ranking demons. Show some dignity!”

“With all due respect my king, that human you are referring to is the one that bettered your kingdom and has achieved far more than any human, demon, or angel could hope to accomplish in the span of just 1 year. They have brought us all together and mended ties we didn’t even know were broken. Y/N is a human I would give up my Pride for-”

“My Greed for-”

“My Envy for-”

“My Wrath for-”

“My Lust for-”

“My Gluttony for-”

“My Sloth for-”

“My title for-”

“My powers for-”

“Y/N is a one of a kind human. They have found their way into our lives and there is nothing you can do to take that away from us my Liege.”

“That was quite the speech Pride, although that doesn’t change my opinion about them. If anything, it just makes my decision all the more ironclad. But I will humour you all. Seeing as how you’re all willing to give up the very thing that makes you, you for the human, a public trial will be held. Their fate shall be decided there. Until then, I forbid any contact between them, through their pact, dreams, or any interference with the timeline. Am I understood?”

“Yes, my Liege” they all responded simultaneously as the king left the room.

*Later in the east sitting room with Lucifer, Barbatos and Diavolo*

“What are we going to do Dia?” Lucifer exclaimed as he did something he has never done while sober and flopped onto a couch opposite of Diavolo as Barbatos sat into a seat in between them.

Holding his head Diavolo responded.

“I don’t know Luci. I just don’t know. As the crown prince I can’t go against my Father and as my right hand neither can you, but things are different with them involved. I just don’t know.”

Sighing, Diavolo laid down on the couch no longer giving a care about anything, just thinking about different possibilities.

“Barb-?”

“No can do my lord. The king forbade me from using my powers. Even if you were to command me, I don’t have access to them for the time being.”

“Do me a favour Barb and drop the title for now? Please? I need my friends, not my subordinates.”

“Alright, Diavolo. Let me say this then. You both know that no matter what happens tomorrow, Y/N will be banished from the Devildom. We all know that the king isn’t above making us suffer just to prove a point. How are we going to support Y/N and stop them from harming themselves should they be banished to the human realm?”

“Jeez Barb! That isn’t what we need right now! I don’t want to think about that.” Lucifer added the last part with a whisper.

“My brothers are going to be absolutely devastated. Y/N kept them all together, it’s going to be really difficult keeping everyone together with them gone.” “Adding to the list of problems, now that my Father is back, we 3 now serve him. I don’t get to dictate anything until he crowns me, not like before. We will all be swamped with more work as Father will more than likely try to “fix” my improvements to the Devildom.”

The three sat in silence, lost in their minds, endless possibilities and scenarios floating around in their heads. Eventually, Lucifer excused himself under the guise of some unfinished paperwork and returned back to the House of Lamentation.

“Barb?”

“Yes?”

“What have we done?”

“I don’t know my friend. I don’t know.”

*End Flashback*

Walking up the steps towards the stage, I held my head high making eye contact with no one other than my demons as I kept my expression as comforting as possible for them. Poor Asmo and Mammon looked like a dam threatening to burst. Beel wasn’t faring any better holding on to Belphie for comfort. Levi squeezed Mammon's hand discreetly. Satan gave a sad smile. Lucifer stood by Diavolo’s side, each giving you the smallest hint of a smile while Barbatos stood behind Diavolo's left looking like he always did, but after spending so much time with him, you noticed the small sign of sympathy in his eyes. Making my way center stage I was pushed onto my knees in front of the king. I raised my head up high making direct eye contact in defiance. The king then addressed the crowd which I noticed is filled with not only Demons and Sorcerers of different powers but many demons I knew from RAD and called my friends. They looked solemn as I realized that I made an impact on more than just the brothers.

“Denizens of Devildom! Here is a human who has upset the balance of the Devildom…”

I drowned out the rest of his speech not focusing on anything except for my family up on stage. Ignoring the ringing in my head, I reached out with my pacts just enough for them to feel it. I sent them some of my favourite memories over the years and wished Satan a happy birthday before the king declared my sentence. Holding my head high, I locked my gaze onto him.

“The human known as Y/N is hereby banished from the 3 realms, their soul to be returned to oblivion!”

Smirking he turned to face me. Smiling, showing off his fangs he asked,

“I believe that is a suitable sentence, don't you Y/N?”

I ignored him and turned to the demons on stage. I watched as Beel grabbed onto Belphie harder as tears came to both of their eyes. I saw the dam break in both Mammon and Asmo as Levi and Satan both battled their own tears to try and comfort them. I watched as Lu’s face paled and Diavolo squeezed his friend's shoulder a little tighter to try and ground him. Barbatos looked more solemn as his eyes started to water ever so slightly. The king then summoned a sword, turning towards the brothers, then walked until he stood directly in front of Lucifer and Diavolo. Letting go of his friend's shoulder, both Diavolo and Lucifer bowed their heads towards their king. He then shifted to face Lucifer and held out the sword towards him. A look of shock crossed over the brothers' faces as Lucifer looked up to his king in confusion hoping this didn’t mean what he thought it meant as he slowly accepted the sword.

“Lucifer, Cardinal Sin of Pride. You will be the one to deliver the blow.”

The colour fully drained from his face as the king stepped to the side to allow Lucifer to step up. Slowly with a trembling breath, Lucifer approached you with pleading eyes silently praying that this was some sick nightmare. His brothers looked on in horror, shock freezing them in place. Stopping in front of you, he took one look at you, turned to the king and lowered the sword.

“No… I won’t.”

“Pardon me?”

“I said NO! I will not kill Y/N!”

“Yes, you will.”

The king's eyes started glowing as an aura surrounded Lucifer. His brothers broke out of their trance and tried to reach towards you to hold back their brother from killing you against their wishes. Diavolo and Barbatos stood in shock as the scene unfolded.

“Hear me, denizens of the darkness.” Everyone onstage immediately stopped in their tracks and looked my way.

“Hear me denizens of the darkness. You who are born of shadow and you who give birth to it.” Upon starting the incantation, a magic circle appeared beneath me and Lucifer; my shackles started glowing. An intense pain shot through my skull. Pushing past the pain I continued.

“HEAR ME AND DO AS I COMMAND!” The shackles around my wrists broke under my power and I stood up facing the brothers. The king tried to move towards me but the circle by my feet prevented him from getting close.

“I Y/N order the 7 sins not to interfere with this trial. You are not to make a move against the king after the completion of the trial. You 7 are to remain loyal to Lord Diavolo and continue serving him as his word now outranks the kings!” Ignoring the pleading looks on the brothers' faces, I turned to Lucifer.

“Lucifer, Avatar of the Cardinal Sin of Pride, you are to follow through with your king's command and execute me as is due with your sword. You are to remain loyal to Lord Diavolo above the crown. You are to continue watching over your brothers and are not allowed to fight me on this decision.” Cupping Lucifer's cheek I whispered into his ear, “I want you to be the one Lu.” Stepping back I finished my order. “Now kill me!” Kneeling before Lucifer I looked up with a smile on my face watching as unshed tears began pooling in his eyes as he summoned his sword.

“LUCIFER! NO!”

“LUCIFER! PLEASE NO!”

“Y/N!”

Lucifer looked into my eyes muttering something in angelic before whispering, “I’m sorry…”

With tears burning his eyes he buried the sword deep into my heart.

“Thank you”

[xtodorcki]

Can you write yandere chrollo reacting to his s/o escaping for years and when he finds them they have his child (also they don’t have nen)

“On The Run,” Chrollo x Reader

Summary: Yandere Chrollo searching for years for you after escaping his tight hold.

Warnings: none ? maybe ?

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You stared down at the three positive sticks that laid out on the bathroom counter. Tears had continuously streamed down your face as you hit your fist down on the countertop, cursing under your breath for letting this happen.

It was hard enough to live within this house with Chrollo but to bring a baby into it was something you definitely didn’t want to do. You knew you had to do something about it but it was hard to even try to process a plan or idea without him finding out about it.

You sighed, shuffling around the bathroom to get rid of any evidence of the tests once you heard the front door open and wiped the tears off your face, splashing water to try to cover up your tracks before he realizes anything.

Time skip to a few weeks later, Chrollo had announced about going on a short mission with the troupe and that had kicked in the opportunity to try and leave while he was gone. Of course he always had someone watching over you from afar and making sure you were staying in place but this time you had tried to make sure you had a lot of things set and planned out.

He leaned down placing a soft kiss to your cheek, not wanting to leave you here all alone, it always bothered him and messed with his head- he couldn’t handle a few days away from you but it was something very important to him.

“I love you, be good.” He mumbled the last part under his breath, making you slightly nod and give him a fake smile.

You watched him leave in the car, once he was out of sight you practically ran back inside of the house and up the stairs to pack whatever you could in your bags. You didn’t want to wait any longer or hesitate because you were worried about him changing his mind and turning around.

You hated to do this, you hated to run away from him. You used to love him with everything inside of you, you risked your life for him and gave him everything he wanted- that is until he started to go crazy over the smallest things- nobody couldn’t talk to you or even look your way without their blood on his hands.

The jealousy, the overprotective side he had when it came to you- it was crazy and it ended up you being locked away in this house for him and him only. No one couldn’t come see you or text you, he would go mad if it happened.

But when it was just the two of you, he could be a huge soft bear, very lovable and very gentle- but there were times where he would just be overwhelming and practically suffocate you.

There were also times where he was completely controlling and watched you like a hawk, before he had convinced you to move in with him and stay inside for days at a time- he had even followed you to the grocery store at one point and got mad because a guy tried to spark a conversation with you.

The memories flooded your head, Chrollo yelling and even came home covered in blood to prove his point that you were only his. The way he pointed the bloody knife at you and threatened you if you even tried to say hi to someone else again.

You had hope things would go back to normal once you moved in with him. Maybe he was just overprotective with you and maybe if he trusted you more he wouldn’t be so intense and insane but as time went on, he got worse. The more he fell in love with you, the more he trapped you inside away from every human being on this planet.

He wanted you to himself and he had killed plenty of people who had got in the way and had tried to talk to you. You couldn’t even order yourself food in public without him wanting to slash the cashiers throat open for staring at you for too long.

So the knowledge of carrying his child was something that flipped a switch inside of your head instantly. You needed to run away, you couldn’t bring a child into this- it was something that would kill you deep down if he got word of you being pregnant.

After you were done packing, you waited till dark before you managed to get in the car and speed off to a place to rent a different car because you knew he had a tracking device implanted in this one, it was obvious that he would be that insane to do so.

As time went on some more, you were shocked that you managed to survive this long without him finding you. You stood inside a small house deep into the woods, alone, staring into a mirror that showed your well out grown stomach. You were due any day and you were just as shocked to be sitting here, not touched and not caught.

While Chrollo sat at home, beyond angry that he felt his nen completely overpower his body. He would sit on the couch, feeling a huge amount of rage while tears streamed down his face. He forced his members to search for you and when they would come back empty handed, he had to hold himself back from killing everyone around him.

He knew you were pretty good with secrets and being invisible if needed, he knew you had picked out a perfect spot and he was convinced you had this planned for months and that you never really loved him and that drove him mad.

It went on like that for a few years, you stayed inside the small cabin with your now almost three year old son and as much as you tried to forget about Chrollo, your son was a spitting image of him- it was hard to not be reminded of your crazy ex lover.

But now you have eased up a lot, the tension had lifted off your shoulders and you weren’t all that on edge. Maybe Chrollo stopped looking for you? Maybe he stopped caring and that’s why you’ve been living out here for so long.

But what you didn’t know was that he was inching closer to you without you realizing it.

You hummed to yourself, fixing the vegetable garden you had outside while your son played in the distance and you made sure to keep a close eye on him as you dug into the ground and planted more vegetables and fruits for them to grow for the upcoming spring.

You weren’t looking down for long but it was enough to keep your gaze off of him until you heard a deep voice in the distance, making your eyes shoot up instantly and see Chrollo holding your son, talking to him and it had felt like your heart stopped beating.

His eyes looked over at you, a smile on his face and you were quick to get on your feet and walk over to the both of them, reaching your arms out for your child.

“Give him to me.” You simply said, making him step back and stare down at you, his smile dropping instantly.

“Is that how you’re going to greet me? Try again.” He was cold and the sudden change in his attitude had made it clear he was upset.

“Chrollo, please.. give him to me.” You pleaded, watching your son sit there and babble about nothing while holding onto his toys.

“I think mommy should go inside the house so we can talk, huh?” He said in a baby tone, bouncing the small child and soon walked past you to your front door.

The lump you felt in your throat was so suffocating, like it was choking the life out of you and you just felt defeated. Completely defeated. You dragged your feet to follow behind him inside of your cabin. What’s going to happen now? Can you even do anything while he’s holding your child? You didn’t know but he had taken everything into his own hands and went down the hall to put your son in his crib.

Chrollo wanted to kill you for keeping this from him. He didn’t know all that running was because you had his child. The anger boiling inside his veins as he stared down at the small boy who had the same colored hair as him and the same big soft eyes. He wasn’t dumb to see that this was his own son, he was a mini version of him.

He loved you deeply but this secret.. you running away, it made him think a bit differently about you. He hated to think about the years wasted of him not being able to watch his sons birth or grow to what he is now. Wasn’t a lot of years but enough to get him angry.

Chrollo had walked out, shutting the door behind him and his cold intense stare was on you as you sat on the couch, tears already streaming down your face. You felt like a failure, like you failed your own child, you failed trying to keep him safe and away from what you had to deal with.

“Suck up those fake tears.” He mumbled, sitting down on the coffee table right in front of you.

His hand grabbed onto your chin roughly, forcing you to look up at him and the way his eyes had looked so dark, it terrified you a bit. You took a deep breath, trying to hold yourself together as best as you could.

“What do you want, Chrollo?” Your voice cracked as you felt his thumb wipe the tears off your cheeks.

His touch was soft but the grip on your chin was still firm and tight, like he was afraid of letting you go incase you would just run off away for another few years.

“Is there another man here?” Was the first question he asked, staring down into your tear filled eyes with such disgust, his judgment clouded as his aura radiated off his body, terrifying you even more.

“What? No, it’s only been the two of us.” He didn’t like your answer, his grip felt like it could break your jaw in seconds and you were convinced he was going to go through with doing just that.

He started to laugh, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out the small book and your eyes grew wide, shaking your head at him and tried to pry yourself away.

“Are you lying to me?” He tilted his head, opening the book up and flipping through the pages. He only did this to show dominance and to show his nen can kill you in seconds considering you were powerless and it worked every time.

You had searched your brain for something, anything. Should you answer him the way he wants you to? Or should you tell the truth and stick to your story? Or should you play the other card? Plead for forgiveness which usually always satisfied him to see how devoted you are to only him.

You didn’t want to die, not with your baby down the hall and you definitely didn’t want to leave him alone with Chrollo but death did seem like such a better option than all of this. You sighed, more tears streaming down your face and finally he settled on a page, waiting for your answer.

“I swear on my life, on his life, nobody was here.” You stared up at his dark eyes, seeing the pure evil behind them and the way he slammed his book shut startled you as he hummed.

“You know I’m going have to punish you for running away and keeping my child away from me when we get home.” He almost purred, the small smile appearing on his face as he stroked your cheek.

“Please, Chrollo..”

“Rules are rules, be glad I didn’t kill you here and now. Let’s go.”

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Ok every time I write yandere, I get really nervous that it won’t turn out good or the way ppl want it to😳

• Main Masterlist •

• HxH Masterlist •

send more requests in, if sending in AOT requests read bio!!!

[rhodeys]

Loki’s Æsir glamour

I finally found the scan I mentioned a little while back, about Odin being responsible for Loki’s glamour.

So yeah, I take this to mean that Loki can’t actually change forms at will. I do wonder if the “reverts to his birth form when touching frost giants or their relics” thing is triggered by the exposure to extreme cold or is more of a… idk, genetic reaction, I guess?

[chaoticpuff17]

Suga We’re Going Down

Part 4

Masterlist

Y/N stared at the lawyers. Everything they said went straight over her head though it didn’t seem to bother Yoongi. They were his layers after all. They’d probably already gone over the contract with him in detail, something Y/N did not have the advantage of doing. She just didn’t have the time or the money to hire her own lawyers to look over it.

It felt odd going over a contract for what would essentially be a relationship. It felt clinical, but in a way that was good. She wanted that professional distance. This wasn’t romantic. They weren’t dating. She wanted, needed, that line firmly drawn in the sand. This was not a forever situation.

Thankfully, the lawyers were patient with her, answering all of her hesitant questions, making notes if she wanted something changed. Yoongi seemed to find it cute. Every time the lawyers looked at him to confirm a change, he would nod, the barest hint of a smile pulling at his lips. He was surprisingly gracious about it all. He agreed to every slight change to the contract she wanted to make.

“Now, Mr. Min will be providing a car and driver for your transportation.”

“That really isn’t necessary…”

“It’s non-negotiable.” Yoongi interrupted leveling the lawyers with a hard glare. He wanted her to be safe, and a driver would help with that. It would also provide him with access to her 24/7.

“Of course, Mr. Min.” The lawyer nodded. “There is also the wardrobe budget that Mr. Min will be providing.”

She was about to protest that as well, but Yoongi beat her to it. “Also non-negotiable.”

The lawyer nodded humming in understanding. “And the amount of times per week is alright with the both of you? Three times a week with other meetings interspersed as requested and can be accomodated by Miss Kang given her schedule?”

They both nodded.

“I’m sorry,” She interrupted softly. “It’d like it to be in there that my home is off limits for meetings. I’m willing to meet him wherever he would like, but I’d like to keep my home, well, mine. If that would be alright.” The last bit was added on as a rushed after thought her eyes wide as she looked from Yoongi to the lawyers.

The lawyers looked to Yoongi who nodded. “I’m fine with that.”

“Excellent.” The man smiled making a note on the contract. “There is something else we need to discuss.” Both Y/N and Yoongi turned to look at him attentively. “We need to establish the boundaries of your more… intimate relations.” The man informed them looking vaguely uncomfortable.

Yoongi perked up, but Y/N shrunk back in her seat feeling suddenly very small. She knew they had to discuss it, but that didn’t make it any less awkward for her.

She looked to Yoongi waiting for him to speak, waiting to see what was expected for her.

Just as her eyes were fixed on him, his were fixed on her, assessing, calculating. Of course Yoongi planned to have her in every way, but he needed to know how far he could push her and how quickly. If he went too far too fast, he could lose her entirely. She was a cautious creature. One wrong move on his part and she would bolt.

He had to suppress a grin watching how serious her eyes were, the way her hands trembled slightly. The poor thing. She looked out of her depth. She was, of course, but she would never know just how far out of her depth she was. Yoongi had everything drafted up perfectly. None of her requests interfered with his plans. They were reasonable requests from a reasonable girl. Allowances for school. Keeping her home a safe space. He could let her have her space for now, until she was more comfortable with him. Besides, he planned on spending most of their time together in his own home.

“Nothing weird?” She requested fidgeting uncomfortably and refusing to make eye contact.

“Weird?” He asked quirking a brow curiously.

“Like…” Her tone was unsure and her eyes wide. A blush made its way up her neck and stained her cheeks red as well. “Oh God…I… I honestly don’t know…”

Realization come over Yoongi leaving him stunned for a moment, before a deep sense of satisfaction took its place. She was a virgin. His sweet little muse was untouched just for him as if she couldn’t get any more perfect. No wonder she was so uncomfortable, the poor thing.

She wouldn’t have to be for long though. No one else would ever touch her. He would make sure of that. She was his sweet muse, untouched by the world, and he was going to keep her by his side no matter what. He knew the transition would be a little uncomfortable, but he was willing to help her through that if it meant having her by his side.

“We won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.” He assured her finding her panic cute.

“But you would be open to a sexual relationship?” One of the lawyers asked, pen held at the ready to make the necessary changed.

“Yes.” She had to hold back her cringe as the word left her. She hoped Halmeoni could forgive her for this. She hoped she could forgive herself.

“Then you would be fine with confirming birth control? Mr. Min is willing to pay for whichever method of contraceptive you choose to use.”

“That’s fine as well.” She murmured too embarrassed to meet anyone’s eye. She felt all of two inches tall. How could everyone else treat this like it was normal? It was all so foreign to her, but hey were completely un-phased.

“Excellent. Could you sign here?” He asked sliding the contract over to her, along with a pen. “That should be it on our end. We’ve already discussed the rules of this arrangement and the payment has already been decided. We should be ready to proceed unless you want to add anything else?”

“No.” She couldn’t help the way her fingers trembled a she reached for the pen, but she signed her name and placed her stamp never the less.

Yoongi signed and stamped after her before turning to face her with a gummy grin.

“I guess it’s official now.”

“I guess so.” Her own smile was much less enthusiastic. It was actually quite weak. She just couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d signed her soul to the devil.

“Let me take you to dinner.” He offered standing from his seat.

She shook her head standing as well. “I can’t. I have other things to do today. Besides, it’s too early for dinner.” She shot him a shaky smile hoping to smooth over her refusal though the deadpan expression on his face wasn’t giving her much hope that she’d succeeded.

“Come on.” He placed a hand on her back and began ushering her out of the room despite her stuttered protests.

“Yoongi.”

“It’s one meal. A celebration of our new contract.” He loved the way her face scrunched up in concern as she thought it over. “We’ll do it eventually. Why not start now?” He shrugged gently placing her coat over her shoulders eyeing it with distaste. “This isn’t the coat I gave you.”

“No. It’s my coat.”

“The one I gave you is warmer.” He didn’t like how thin the coat she had looked, especially not when he had provided her with one of his own, one of his favorites.

“And it’ll be returned to you next time.” She shot back sighing in defeat as he ushered her into the elevator.  

“You should keep it. I don’t like how thin that coat of yours looks.”

She huffed under her breath but didn’t argue further. She didn’t want to ruin this before it even started. She needed this money. She’d already spent the money from the first few meetings in her head. A new coat for Eun Jae before the weather got too cold. The first installment on her father’s debt. They needed to fix the stove at the restaurant as well. Not to mention her tuition.

“I’ve already arranged a car for you.” He placed a hand on her back and led her out of the elevator. “It’ll be at your disposal day and night.”

“I really don’t need…” “You do.” He argued glaring down at her gently. “It’s for your protection as well as convenience. Fans can be a little rabid, and I’d prefer to know that you were safe.”

“Only for meetings.” She relented as he led her towards the side entrance of Jin Hit.

“You’ll use it as much as you need to. It’s safer than the bus or the train.”

“You can’t make me take the car.” She shot back eyeing him with concern. A car just seemed like too much for a sugar baby. She hadn’t even done anything yet.  

He paused turning to level her with another gentle glare. She knew they could be worse. Nina has showed her enough Agust D videos for her to know just how fierce he could look. He was going easy on her.

“Take the car. Even if you don’t want to use it, I’ll just have Jackson ready to pick you up anyway.” He shrugged. “He’ll just shadow you until you take it.”

She didn’t like the sound of that either.  “I’m fine taking the bus.”

“But I’m not.” He looked at her eyes dark and unyielding as they both tried to decide which of them would be the first to yield. “For your safety and my peace of mind.” He grumbled leading her out of the building to the waiting car.

It was a dark SUV with the windows specially tinted for celebrity privacy with a driver waiting outside for them.

“This is Young Jae my driver.” He introduced.

“Ma’am.” The man nodded about to open the door for them, but Yoongi beat him to it. Like a gentlemen he opened the door for her and helped her inside following in right after her.

“Where are we going?” She asked as the car pulled away from Jin Hit.

“Out for an early dinner. I know you probably have studying to do.”  

“I do.” She nodded fiddling with the strap of her bag.

“You never told me what you were studying.” That was true enough. He had never asked her, and she had never told him, but he knew anyway.

She looked at him in surprise. She had never thought that he would actually be interested in what she did outside of their arrangement. It wasn’t really in the nature of their relationship for him to care about what she did.

“Elementary Education. I want to be a teacher.”

“It suits you.” He hummed. “What do you do when you’re not studying?”

“I play the cello.” She admitted only a little hesitantly. Music was her passion after all. It was something that they shared, she supposed.

He smiled leaning back against his seat. “Classical?”

He pretended to be surprised. She didn’t know that he had watched her play before. She didn’t know that he knew a lot of things about her. If she knew how much he knew she would probably go running for the hills, not that she could. Not legally at least. He had had his lawyers slip a few surprises into the contract, hidden within the fine print. She was locked into the contract for at least a year. If she broke contract for any reason, she’d be responsible for paying out the contract, and the price was set at far more than she could afford, as well as a few other surprises.

He had his tricks to keep her close. She was a sweet little songbird, but she was skittish, wary of him. She was too sweet for the arrangement she had gotten herself into, but Yoongi was determined to keep her safe. She would always be safe with him.

“Yeah.” She agreed. She did love classical music, but it was fun from time to time to play more modern adaptations. Those were usually easier on the piano though. It was easier to find piano sheet music than cello for pop or rock songs, and she just didn’t have the time to go about transcribing sheet music for the cello, so she stuck to the classics for the most part.

“Never any Agust D?” He asked teasingly.

“Never on the cello.” She agreed.

“Any other instruments?”

“Piano.” She admitted with a smile.

Yoongi loved that smile. It was bright, unguarded. She was talking about something she loved, something he loved. It was as though her entire face lit up, and she seemed to shine from within.

“You’re quite the musician.”

“Not like you.” She pointed out sighing as she leaned back against the seats as well. She was exhausted from the day, and dinner sounded less and less appealing as the minutes passed. She just wanted to go home. She wanted to forget that the day had ever happened, and pretend if only for a moment, that she was still just Y/N and not Agust D’s sugar baby.

“A musician is a musician.” He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter if you play at home or in the arenas.”

They slipped into silence after that.

Dinner was short. She had studying to do, and the urge to see her baby. The day had left her rankled and seeing Eun Jae would help settle her again. So dinner was a light sweet meal where they got to know each other a little more before Yoongi sent her off in a car of her own. It was another dark SUV just like the one they had taken to get to the little restaurant.

“This is Jackson.” He nodded to the man waiting outside the car for her. “He’ll be your driver from now on.”

“Nice to meet you, ma’am.” The tall young man greeted with a respectful bow and a charming smile.

“Please, call me Y/N.” She introduced herself with a small smile of her own.

He nodded shooting her a grin, both of them unaware of the dark look Yoongi was giving them. She was never so at ease with him, but she would be soon with any luck.

“Take good care of her, Wang.” He ordered seeing his own car pulling up ready to take him to the next thing on his schedule for the day. “Take care, Y/N. I’ll be seeing you soon.” He gave her nod though it wasn’t what he wanted to do. He wanted to kiss her. God did he want to kiss her, but she wasn’t ready for that yet. Soon though. Soon.

She got home safe and sound though it was a surprise for Halmeoni to see her there.

The elderly woman looked at her with a sharp eye as she entered the restaurant. “What are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to see Eun Jae. It’s been a rough day.” She answered with a weak smile.

Her grandmother nodded in understanding motioning her head towards the stairs that led up to their home. “He’s upstairs. I’ll make tea.”

She nodded gratefully before practically sprinting up the stairs. She saw Eun Jae sprawled across the floor coloring, and it was like she could breathe again. Everything would be okay. It had to be okay. And even if it wasn’t, she would make it okay, for him.

part 5

[jobrookekarev]

Just to Break Me Like a Promise

T.S. x Jolex Week 2021 hosted by @thejolexgroupchat​

Chapter One of Two: In the Name of Being Honest

Words: 6974

Summary: When Jo goes into labor, she finally picks up the phone and calls Alex to tell him that she's in labor with their baby girl. As she asked him to come back she remembers the life that they had together all too well.

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson.

Characters: Jo Wilson, Alex Karev, and Levi Schmitt.

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Angst, Taylor Swift, All Too Well, The Letter, Pregnancy, Labor.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

AN: I do not own any of Taylor Swift’s music.

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Jo held her swollen baby bump as she pushed open the red door of the loft. She didn't know why but it seemed heavier than usual as she pushed it open. Alex was always the one to keep the door well oiled, but now he was gone, that was her responsibility. However, it wasn't easy to remember to do the things that he used to do for her now that she was on her own. Sometimes the responsibilities seemed endless and she missed having a partner to share the burden with. 

The Loft was cold and dark, and it reminded her of the first night she showed it to him as they walked through the door of the Loft together. There was something about this place that drew her in. She thought that they could take it and make it into anything they wanted, and they did. As she flicked on the lights, the warm light revealed the cozy home they had and the life that they created together. That other life they had created stirred in her belly as her daughter kicked against her hand. 

Jo shrugged off the coat that she wore now that summer had turned to fall and hung it up on the hook. That morning as she and Levi left for work, she wished that she had her favorite scarf, but she can’t remember where it was and suspected that she left it at Meredith's house the last time they had waffles Sunday. They still had waffle Sundays, but it wasn't the same without Alex. Nothing was the same without him. 

She waddled over to the cabinet behind the couch and put her bag down along with her keys and everything else. At 39 weeks pregnant, the only thing she wanted to do each night was collapse on the couch, watch TV, and fall asleep until she gave birth. Thanks to her friends, most nights, she did. They kept her fridge well stocked, so she didn't have to worry about cooking dinner. Link came over and did her laundry every week, and Bailey and Carina had her on a light work schedule, so she was home by 6 p.m. every night. Jo loved her new mentor, and after switching from surgery to OB, she had grown to admire Carina, and the two had become close friends. Jo didn't mind that she was keeping a close eye on her baby. Except when it meant keeping a close eye on her. 

Apart from that, Jo had at least one visitor a night who would come in and check on her before Levi got home from work. Some nights Jo appreciated the company, but most nights, she felt like a toddler who needed babysitting. Still, the worry of her friends was much needed, especially since she didn't have Alex to worry over her. 

Jo didn't want to think about the husband that left her tonight, but it was hard not to think about him when she carried around a little part of him every day. Her daughter had been quiet on the drive home, but as Jo walked around the Loft, she was greeted with a series of movements as her daughter wiggled around.

“Hello, my sweet girl,” Jo whispered as she pressed her hand into the side of her belly as her daughter kicked against her fingers. Jo moved her hand over and pressed into the other side of her belly as her daughter lightly kicked her hand again. They played a little bit of back and forth, poking and kicking for a second before Jo rubbed her belly and walked over to the kitchen. 

The latest pre-made dinner was her favorite macaroni and cheese, made by Levi, although he did put broccoli in it. After she warmed up her dinner, she walked over to the window and watched the rainfall on the parking lot while the city lights glittered in the rain. The views from the Loft certainly weren't the best in the city, but it was nice, and Jo enjoyed watching the rain. 

She looked down at her rain stained car next to Alex’s Audi. She didn’t know what to do with it, so it just sat abandoned beside her own. She remembered the time they drove upstate to stay at a cabin in Bellingham for a long weekend. She controlled the music and got him to sing along to Taylor Swift. He didn’t lie and say he only knew the lyrics because of the kids who blasted it on the ped’s floor. With her, he never hid what he liked. They drove through the autumn trees on a winding road and the leaves fell like the rain. Everything was golden as the setting sun came in through the windows and the red and orange leaves were a colorful paint on the grey pavement. The memory was as vivid as ever and she could hear his laugh as he insisted on carrying her into the cabin and straight to the bed. 

She pulled her sweater closer around her shoulders and held her cup of tea close to her lips, feeling the warmth of steam and the sweet scent before she took a sip. As she looked around the Loft and waddled over to the couch. They had designed the Loft in a way that it always fit the fall theme. It was always cozy and warm on the dreary winter rainy days. Which was good considering that was pretty much the majority of the weather in Seattle. This October, Jo, and Levi had put up more decorations than usual. There were pumpkins everywhere, although their carved Mini pumpkins sat next to colorful corn cobs on the kitchen table. They had strings of leaves all around them, although a lot of those were just the ones that they brought in on their shoes. The theme of the Loft had always been red, and that red fall theme had trickled over into the nursery she had set up in the corner where the dining table used to be. 

She thought she would set it all up on her own bit by bit, doing a little each day, and she did. She slowly bought everything she needed, but the day the crib and the dresser were delivered, her friends surprised her with a decorating nursery party in favor of a baby shower she wouldn't let April plan for her. Meredith, Jackson, April, Link and Amelia, Maggie and Winston, and all the kids came over along with Schmitt and Taryn and Nico, and the rest of the Grey-Slone family. They all put together the furniture, folded and washed the baby clothes, and put the toys away. They got the dresser, and the changing station set up all while Jo just sat in her new rocking chair and directed traffic. Everybody else from the hospital had stopped by and delivered gifts, and at the end of the day, Jo had a full nursery ready for her daughter. 

It was so wonderful she nearly cried. After Alex left, she decided to go through with her pregnancy alone. She would tell him eventually, but for now, she needed to do this by herself. She thought that she would be completely alone, but Jo was never alone. She had a family now, and even in the loneliest of times, they all banded together to take care of her. That meant more to her than anything else. It was perfect, but the one person who should have been there putting together the nursery with her wasn't there.

Jo let out a sigh as she rested her tea mug on the end table and reached for the remote that was too far away. Levi always put it on the coffee table, not the end table like Alex did, and it was almost impossible to reach from her reclined position. She leaned forward and stretched to reach it as she bruised it with her fingertips before she grabbed ahold of it. 

“I’m gonna kick you out pretty soon if you keep restricting my movements, kiddo. It’s bad enough that I can’t take the stairs or walk faster than a duck,” Jo huffed as she sat back and sipped her tea.

In response, her daughter gave her a series of swift kicks to her ribs. 

“Ow, okay, I get it you want out too. I know there’s not much room in there, but it’s not my fault you're so big,” Jo said as she rubbed her belly to comfort her daughter.

However, this time, her daughter didn't kick her, and instead, a painful contraction gripped her stomach. Jo and mediately sat up and tried to breathe through it. She had had a few Braxton Hicks contractions earlier in the day but nothing this strong. 

“No, no, no,” Jo moaned as she breathed out and tried to get through it. Once the contraction passed, she scolded her daughter. “You can't send me into labor now. I haven't even told your father about you.”

The day they had driven up to the cabin was long gone, but a part of him was still with her. She tried to pretend that she was okay, but she wasn’t. She knew she had to tell Alex about their daughter, but even then, it wouldn't fix anything. It wouldn't bring his love back. She had gotten so close to telling him a number of times, but every time she heard his voice on the phone, she just couldn't. The day she had her 20 week scan and found out she was having a girl, she had gotten so close to telling him. In a rush of excitement, she pulled out her phone and dialed his number to tell him that they were having a daughter. But the phone just rang and rang, and when he didn't pick up. She was once again left listening to his voicemail, her excitement had turned to disappointment, and she just ended the call. Looking back now, she didn't know why she didn't tell him. She should have, but she couldn't bear the thought of not seeing his face or hearing his voice when she told him. She wanted him to pick up the phone for her, but he never did. 

Jo didn't remember the rest of the day too well, but she remembered how Meredith and Link, and to her surprise, even Bailey, offered to let her stay with them as her mood darken. But Jo was determined, maintain her stability for the sake of her daughter, and she didn't want to leave the Loft. It was her home and it held so many memories of Alex. It was hard to face the memories of him after he left, but when she found out she was pregnant, she clung to every bit of him that she could, in the hope that she could give it all to her baby. 

Jo closed her eyes as she sat back on the couch and listened to the news anchor go on and on as she heard the rain pelt against the windows. She sat cozy and warm on the couch as she got lost in her memory. She could see it all again. The drive up to that little town with the cabin. She remembered the wind in her hair and the music of the radio. She didn't know what it was about her smile that day, but Alex couldn’t stop staring at her. He had looked over and stared at her with that little crooked smile, and it was only because she rolled her eyes and looked back at the road that she noticed the light turn yellow. Alex had to slam on the brakes to avoid running the red light. It was a bit scary, but she laughed because he got distracted by her, and she would never get tired of the way that he looked at her like that. It was happy and painful to remember, but she remembered it all too well. 

She wasn't surprised when she fell asleep, she was so tired these days, but she was woken up only a few minutes later to another contraction. This one was just as strong as the one before, and Jo tried to remember all the breathing techniques and exercises that she had learned over the past few months now that she was an OB/GYN resident. She did her breathing and set her tea down. It was still warm in her hand as she set it down on the arm of the couch. Jo tried to move into a more comfortable position and rolled onto her side. As the contraction finally passed as she let out of breath. 

“Hey you, I thought we agreed you weren't coming yet,” Jo said as she put her hand over her bump and her daughter replied with gentle and soft movements as she squirmed around but pushed her arm out. “You can't come yet, please.” 

Jo got up and started walking around the loft, or rather waddling. She looked at her watch, waiting for the next contraction to come, but it never did. Jo finally relaxed, letting her shoulders sag as she finished her tea. She went over to the nursery, brushing her hand along the railing of the crib as she sat down and the rocking chair. She put her feet up on the ottoman as she gently rocked back and forth. She had chosen a classic glider, but it was insanely comfortable, and both her and her baby were calmed by the rocking motion.

She reached over to the nightstand to grab the baby blanket. It was the leaf printed muslin swaddle that she intended to bring her daughter home from the hospital in. She had been carrying it around so that it would have her scent on it when her daughter was born. As she grabbed the swaddle, her hand brushed over the photo albums she had been looking at a few days ago. It was Alex's photos from when he was a kid. When his mom had visited, she had brought it with her. The album was something she had created for Alex, Amber, and Arron. 

Alex had cried when he first saw it. Neither of them had many photos from when they were kids. After Helen had gotten more stable, she started sorting through the things in the house and found all the photos. She had made each of her kids, and each album was filled with photos and little descriptions of the memories of each photo. Having the photo album meant the world to him. 

Jo had loved the album too and she had sat next to Helen on the couch as they all went through every photo. Alex had blushed this deep red color and tried to keep certain photos from her, but she loved every single one of them. It was filled with photos from his childhood, from when he was a baby to when he was a teenager. Helen even managed to track down a few photos of him in college when he was on the wrestling team. Jo’s favorite was from when he was a little kid, sitting in a twin-size bed with dinosaur sheets. She smiled because she loved that little chubby kid as much as she loved her tall, scruff husband. He was just so cute and her heart just melted on the spot. Helen told her stories about him in the library, how he took care of his siblings, and his successes on the wrestling team. Jo loved every second of it, especially when Alex blushed and hid in her shoulders. 

That night as he laid next to her before he fell asleep, he whispered that he wanted to do that for their baby. He wanted them to have a photo album and memories of their childhood for them to look back on. It was the reason Jo had the photo album out because she had started a baby book. She had written down every detail of her pregnancy and tucked away every little ultrasound. She had no idea what she was doing, but luckily the book was all set up, and all she had to do was write everything down and add the photos. It wasn't much, but it was something that their baby would always have. 

Jo knew everything about Alex’s childhood, just like he knew everything about hers. She remembered how he promised that their baby would have a better childhood than either of them did. She put a hand on her belly and felt her daughter move around. She knew that their daughter would have that good childhood that they never got, whether she had to do it alone or not. She didn't know how they would work it out, but even if she and her daughter only had Alex part-time, she knew that he would be the best father in the world. In the meantime, she could be a good enough mother to make up for the rest of it.

She had another Braxton Hicks contraction and laid back and let go of the photo album as it fell to the floor. This one lasted a little longer, but it finally passed, and Jo looked down at the photo album open on the floor. She hadn’t been able to reach anything on the floor since she hit 30 weeks, and she can't remember the last time she was able to tie her shoes. At least Levi didn't mind picking up after her as Jo decided to leave it. 

She looked down at the photo album again. It was open on pictures of Alex in high school. He was so handsome in his wrestling uniform. Despite how much she tried to tell herself that she could do this on her own, she knew she never could. The memories of their life together were so vivid and fresh, and Jo was glad that she got to keep them. As the fridge came to life and hummed, she looked over and remembered the night that they danced together in the refrigerator light. It was late, and they were both on night shift and had come home to make dinner. As they cooked together, Jo put on some music, and then she grabbed his hand and pulled him in the dance with her. He laughed and kissed her, then gave in and danced with her for a few minutes before the pasta started to boil over. She could still remember the sound of his laughter and the feel of his hands on her waist. She remembered it all too well. 

This time after she fell asleep, she woke up to Levi gently calling her name and shaking her shoulder. “Jo, Jo, wakey, wakey,”

 Jo groaned and swatted at the hand that poked her shoulder. “Leave me alone, Schmitt.”

“Fine, I just thought that you wouldn't want to sleep all night in the rocking chair,” Levi said as she opened her eyes, looking up at him as he pulled back and shrugged.

Jo sighed as she realized she was still sitting in the glider and held out her hands to him. “Ugh, help me up, please.”

Levi pulled her up, although not without a strain on them both. He wasn't quite strong enough, and although she was reluctant to admit it, she was getting too big. After he helped her up, she walked towards the bed as she heard him pick up the photo album and put it back on that nightstand. 

“Was there anything else you dropped,” Levi asked as he looked around the room and collected her dinner dishes and then the mug of tea she left on the couch. 

“No, just the...” Jo trailed off with a groan as she leaned against the post as she had another Braxton Hicks contraction. 

“You okay?” Levi asked, but she just squeezed her eyes shut and ignored him. He had long since learned not to touch her or interfere when she was having a Braxton Hicks, or she would bite off his head.

“Yeah,” Jo said as the contraction finally passed, and she went over to sit back down on the couch. “She's just been dramatic today. I've been having Braxton Hicks since this afternoon.”

“You've been counting them, though right,” Levi asked, suddenly worried as he came over to her. 

“Yes, of course, I've been counting them. I'm not a moron, and I'm not in labor,” Jo said, waving her hand to dismiss him.

“Okay, I'm just saying your full term, so it can happen any day now,” Levi said, walking back to the kitchen. “Did you have dinner already?”

“Yes, Dad,” Jo said as she rolled her eyes. She didn't need a lecture on how close she was to her due date. 

It was something everybody, especially Meredith and Link, had been annoying her about. Jo was highly aware of it as the day she would have to call Alex and tell them that she had their daughter was getting closer and closer. She had avoided him for nine months, saying that she wouldn't tell him until she had the baby. She was still on the fence about whether she wanted him there, and she delivered. She knew that he would be there for her, and he would comfort her and hold her hand and get her ice chips and let her scream and cry and yell at him for leaving her. However, other times the thought of seeing him again while she was in labor was too hard. As she made her birth plan and attended to the labor and births of countless other birth givers and babies, she wanted things to be calm. She wanted people there who would support her, and although Alex was the best person for that since he left her, things had changed, and she wasn’t sure he would be.

Her daughter wiggled and painfully stretched out inside of her pushing on her organs as Jo let out gasped and rubbed up and down her belly. She pressed down on where her daughter's feet were. She had dropped lower a few days ago, giving her a little extra room, but she and Carina estimated that she was at least 9 pounds, so regardless, she didn't have much room.

“I know,” Jo said with a sigh as she talked to her baby girl. “You're ready to come out, but I'm not ready for you yet. You got to hang tight just for a little bit longer, please, baby girl.”

Her daughter relaxed as she gently kicked her hands, and Jo smiled. However, it doesn't seem that her daughter wanted to listen to her tonight. As then she heard a pop and felt a gush of water. It was just a little trickle, and Jo blushed in embarrassment as she thought it was her bladder releasing as her daughter pushed on it. However, as she drenched her jeans, instead of smelling like pee, it smelled a little sweet, and Jo suddenly realized what happened.

“No, no, not yet, please not yet,” Jo said as she put her hand on her belly as she looked down at her lap that was soaked in her amniotic fluid. 

“What's wrong,” Levi said in a panic as he came over to her. He looked down at the dark patch in her jeans as her amniotic fluid continued to soak her pants and then looked up at her. “Oy vey, you're in labor, your water broke, you're in labor.”

“Levi,” Jo said through gritted teeth as she had another contraction. “Call Meredith.”

“Yeah, okay, okay,” Levi said, taking a deep breath as he scrambled to try and find his phone. “Oy vey.”

Jo tried to relax as best she could and breathe through the contraction, going to the technique of counting in her head as she breathed in and out. As soon as the contraction passed, Jo put her hand on the sidearm of the couch and pulled herself up. She looked back at the white couch that was now stained wet and a little red with blood. 

She tried to remember not to freak out seeing the blood as she knew it was normal, but she couldn't help but grieve for the ruined couch cushion. It was kind of fitting that her water broke on their couch. The couch had been through so much. They had spilled beer and pizza sauce and teriyaki on that couch, but they'd always manage to get the stains out, but this was one stain that probably would mark the fabric forever.

Jo looked over at Levi in his little space where Alex’s weights used to be. He rummaged through everything on his twin-size bed, mumbling and trying to find his phone. Jo rolled her eyes as she made her way over to her bed. She grabbed her purse from the cabinet behind the couch and her pillow. Her hospital bag and the car seat were already in her car as she figured she didn't want to lug all of it down there while she was in labor, and she was so glad she did. Now that she was in labor, she realized she wanted a few extra things. She grabbed a few snacks from the kitchen, her favorite hair scrunchie, her headphones, and of course, the baby book. Jo put everything on her bed before realizing she was still in her wet jeans and grabbed a pair of sweatpants before she went over to the bathroom.

“What are you doing,” Levi asked, his head popping up as he rushed over to her. “You don't need to push, do you? Cuz if you need to push, I can be ready. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before.”

“Okay, first off, you are not going to be in the room while I’m pushing. Secondly, I don't need to push ye. I just want to change out of my wet jeans,” Jo said as she put her hand on the door handle to the bathroom and shut it in his face. 

“Okay, but leave the door unlocked in case anything happens,” Levi shouted as Jo kicked off her jeans and left them in a mess on the floor.

There was a reason why she didn't pick Levi to be her labor partner, and now she severely regretted Meredith’s offer to let her stay with her. If Meredith were here, she would have already helped Jo change and then helped her to the car. But Meredith’s house was so crowded with Maggie, Link, Amelia, and all the kids. During the last few weeks of her pregnancy, Jo's nesting instincts had kicked in, and she felt the need to be at the Loft and make sure that everything was ready for her daughter. Besides, knowing Link, if she went into labor when he was around, he would probably be just as panicked as Levi. 

It was a struggle to put on anything that involved her feet these days. She also had to pause as she had another contraction, but she managed to put on her sweatpants before she went back out. Levi was still running around the Loft collecting things, but at least he was on the phone with Meredith. Jo went over to the bed and got her things. Jo stood in the entryway with her bag on her shoulder, and her pillow under her arm as Levi still scrambled to find his things. 

“Alright, I’m gonna go wait in the car,” Jo said as she waddled over to the door, reaching for her jacket and her favorite pair of gray slippers.

“Okay, I’m coming too,” Levi said as he scooped up his things before taking her bag and the pillow from her as they made their way down to her car. 

Jo put her hood up and pulled her coat around her middle, although her belly stuck out and her white T-shirt got wet. She handed her car keys to Levi as she had another contraction and paused as she leaned on the hood of the car. They were still ten minutes apart, but now that her water had broken, they were much more painful, and she watched the rain fall on the windshield, trying to let it calm her as she followed the water droplets down the glass. After it passed, she let Levi help her into the front seat as he finished putting everything in the back. Finally, he climbed into the driver seat and started up the car before he froze.

“What now,” Jo said in annoyance, gritting her teeth. 

“I think I forgot my wallet upstairs,” Levi said quickly, padding his thighs and then his butt only to come up empty.

“Well, go get it,” Jo yelled at him as he quickly scrambled out of the car and ran back upstairs. “And don't forget to lock the door.”

Now that she was finally alone in the car, with only the grey skies and the rain that pitter pattered on the rooftop. Jo pulled out her phone as she figured that now was as good a time as any to call Alex. She put one hand on her belly as she pulled up his contact. Even if she got his voicemail now, she knew she had to tell him that they were having a baby. 

To her surprise, she had a voicemail from Alex waiting for her. She knew she shouldn't be surprised. He left her a few voicemails in the past few months. He always called in the middle of the night or early in the morning when he knew she would be sleeping, and even if he did call during the day, she never picked up for him. Since he sent the divorce papers and the letter, he had left her a few voicemails asking for her to sign the papers and send them back, but she couldn't do that yet. She quickly pulled up the voicemail and held her phone to her ear as his familiar voice came through her phone. 

“Hey Jo, I was just wondering if you had filed the divorce papers yet. I still haven't heard from you, and Meredith won't tell me anything, so I just thought I'd call and ask you. I know this is hard, this is hard for me too, but,” Alex trailed off with a sigh, and she could tell that he had pushed the phone away from his ear and put a hand over his face like he always did when he was tired and frustrated. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry I had to end things like this. I'm sorry that it's all on you to end our marriage. I could make it easier for you, and I could meet up with your lawyer or you or something, just let me know. Again I'm really sorry Jo, but I really need those papers, please. Please just call me and tell me what you want to do, okay?”

She knew Alex better than anybody. She knew about his father and his mother and Amber and Arron. She knew that he was the wrestling state champion in junior year in college. She knew that Mr. Myers who worked the night shift with his favorite foster parent. She knew that even though Amber was grown up and had a family of her own, Alex still felt the need to take care of his baby sister, which is why they visited her twice a year. She knew he loved to drive as he always said it was where he could really think. She knew that he loved Taylor Swift music, and she knew that he loved dancing but only with her. She knew that when he found out about the twins, he had panicked and he ran. It was always his first thought, and it was hers too, but she had stopped running a long time ago, and she thought he did too, but his letter was his way of running away again. 

“I swear I love him, but sometimes I hate him. I know he's your father's baby girl, but he is the most frustrating person I've ever met,” Jo nearly screamed as she clenched her phone before she let out a breath and rubbed her hand across her belly. “Even when we were together. And even now, I can tell that he still loves me too. He's trying to make the divorce easy for me, but he doesn't know that I’ve been put off filing the papers because I have you. Once he meets you, he's going to be faced with the reality of what he's done. I don't know if he'll come back to us, but I want him to be there for you. I wish this was easy, baby girl, and I'm sorry it's not. You deserve parents who aren't in the midst of a divorce. You deserve parents who are so much better than this.” 

Jo took a deep breath as tears collected in her eyes. She had always wanted the best for her daughter. She wanted things to be good for her. So she had ignored the truth that things weren't in the hopes that if she ignored it long enough, Alex would come back to her and things would be good again. She knew now that she was foolish to think that. Every time he had called her since he sent the letter, it felt so casually cruel, but she knew he was just being honest. She felt like every promise he ever made to her, he broke again and again. All she could hear some nights with him saying that he wasn't going anywhere except home with her, but none of the words on the letter replayed in her head, saying that he wasn't coming home. If it wasn't for their baby girl, Jo thought she would have broken down.

She let a few tears fall down her cheeks before She had another contraction. This time she let herself cry out in pain. But when the pain passed, she wiped away her tears and took a deep breath. As hard as this was and as much as it wouldn't fix anything, she had to tell Alex. He deserved to know. She wasn't going to be like Izzie and keep his daughter from him. She couldn't do that to either of them, but she couldn't help but feel like she was throwing a bomb into the middle of his life. 

Still, she picked up her phone and dialed his number again. He was the first name in her contacts and last call that she had gotten. So she wasn't surprised when it rang for a little while, but she was surprised when he picked up. 

“Hi Jo,” Alex said with such sadness in his voice as if it physically pained him to say her name.

“Alex,” Jo breathed out his name despite the pain. He always filled her with a sense of relief. Jo took a deep breath as she looked at the clock, and she only had a few more minutes until her next contractions hit, and she wanted to get it all out to him.

“Look, about the divorce papers…” Alex started to say.

“Alex, I can't file them, not now, just not now, because I'm pregnant. I'm having our baby girl, right now actually. I'm, I'm in labor, and I can't file the divorce papers because they only allow family members in the delivery room right now, and you're my family, and I need you. Our baby girl needs you.”

Alex was silent on the other end of the line, and Jo was a little grateful for that because her next contraction hit, and she let out a moan as she tried to breathe through the pain again. She leaned forward and put her head on her arms as she leaned against the dashboard. She could hear Alex calling her name, but in the midst of her contraction, she couldn't respond until finally, it passed. 

“Jo, Jo, are you still there? Are you alright? Is, is she alright,” Alex begged her for answers, and she could tell that he was moving around in the background. “Please talk to me!”

“I'm fine and she's fine too,” Jo said, still a little breathless from her contraction. “She's perfect actually, she's healthy, and she's strong, but my contractions are really strong too.”

“How far apart are they? Has your water broken yet? How long have you been having contractions? Are you at the hospital?” Alex asked a series of questions as he rambled off in a panic, just like she didn't know he would.

“Alex, stop,” Jo cut him off before he started asking her more questions. “My contractions are ten minutes apart, and my water broke a few minutes ago. So I've only been having them for a couple of hours. It's still really early, I can tell, but I'm headed to the hospital now. Levi's driving me, or he's supposed to be.”

“Schmitt is driving you to the hospital?” Alex asked as Jo looked up to the window to see him finally coming out the door of the apartment building and rushing over to the car. 

“It's a long story. A lot has changed since you left, Alex,” Jo said in a whisper, so much had changed.

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered too. 

“Okay, ready to go. Did you call Meredith?” Levi asked, breaking their little bubble of silence as he got in the car. 

“Just drive,” Jo said, putting her hand over the receiver as Levi pulled out of the parking lot before she went back to her call with Alex. “I'm headed to Grey-Sloan right now. I umm, I have Meredith and Carina, and they’re going to be with me through my labor but, but I want you there too.”

“Of course, of course, I'm going to be there. I'll be there as soon as I can, and you can scream and cry and yell at me or just hold my hand, and I'll feed you ice chips or something. I'll get you whatever you want, Jo,”  Alex said in the same voice that he used to promise her the world with, and although she knew she shouldn't, she believed that he would keep his word this time.

“Okay,” Jo said with a nod, tears springing in her eyes. He was coming back to her, to her and their baby.

“Okay, do you want me to stay on the line with you until I get there?” Alex offered, god, he was so sweet, but Jo didn't know what she wanted.

“Don't you have to catch a plane or something?” Jo asked, trying not to hold her breath as she waited for his answer.

“No, actually I'm in Chehalis with…” Alex trailed off, not wanting to say her name, and Jo was glad because she didn't want to hear it. “I'm just, I'm in Chehalis, and I can be there in an hour if traffic isn't too bad.”

“You’ll have to go through Tacoma and the traffic in Tacoma is always terrible,” Jo said, closing her eyes and her tears finally fell down her cheeks as Levi drove through the downtown streets. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes as she looked at the road ahead of them. “Okay, just why don't you just get here as soon as you can, and I'm going to call Meredith, but not before I yell at Levi's for taking the wrong street.”

“I'm not taking the wrong street. This is the best way to get to the hospital,” Levi insisted as he gripped the wheel and painfully went this exact speed limit as he cautiously drove. 

“No, you're on 4th ave, but you should have hopped on Highway 99. It’s faster!” Jo insisted as she pointed at the map he had up on his phone showing the option for the route she wanted.

“Yeah, but it's dangerous to drive on the highway,” Levi protested as he stayed the course. “And this is the way that I take when I ride my bike, so this is the way we're going.”

Jo threw her head back against the headrest and groaned as she had another contraction. She tried to breathe again as she gripped the door handle as if it was Alex’s hand. She didn't want to go through this alone. She wanted him here now. 

“That’s it, deep breaths, Jo, you're doing great,” Alex's gentle voice came through the phone as he was there for her. “Just keep breathing and trying not to kill Schmidt. He should be careful he's got precious cargo.” 

Jo took comfort in his words as she let out a breath and the contraction finally passed. “Our daughter is going to be so excited to meet you, so just get here as soon as you can, please, Alex.”

“I'm excited to meet her too,” Alex said, and for the first time since he left her, he sounded happy. “I can't wait to meet her, and I can't wait to see you again, so I'm going to hang up and hop in the car right now. I'll be there as fast as I can, okay?”

“Okay,” Jo said with another nod as she put a hand on her belly and Alex hung up. 

His voice was still ringing in her ear as she remembered it all too well. Yet, soon she would hear his voice as he sat beside her and supported her as she delivered their baby girl, and she wouldn't have to remember because she would have him back. If only for tonight, if only for her baby girl. 

……………………………………………………………………

AN: Part 2 is coming soon!

[beauenfer]

𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐟𝐚𝐧‘𝐬 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬;

· * · ✦ fandom: The Vampire Diaries

· * · ✧ pairing: Stefan Salvatore x sibling!Reader

· * · ✦ warning: Language, sadness, vampirism and grr, Spoiler at the end if you haven’t finished the series, so totes don’t read the last line

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✦. just like you and Damon, you and Stefan would be alike if you were twins

✦. Stefan was kind, compassionate, understanding, and you were somewhat the same (you were a little bitchier)

✦. you and him shared that brooding in silence expression, and had the same hazel colored eyes

✦. you struggled at the sight of human blood but that doesn’t mean you didn’t drink it. Stefan was always the dramatic one

✦. you and him always watched over Damon and made sure he wasn’t going to do anything stupid

✦. you weren’t reckless, but you weren’t scared to take action either

✦. you read books in your free time and mostly stayed in your room, and you didn’t really like Elena

✦. you were a bit more harsh when it came to the girl, and you weren’t so quick to risk your life just to save her

✦. you were an eye-roller, and a blunt person. I kinda picture Stefan’s twin to be a meanie for some reason

✦. “Stefan, I love you. Damon, I love you. but I could care less if a vampire is after Elena. it’s just another day to me.”

✦. you and Stefan had deep conversations about life and other philosophies

✦. you always teased him about girls that liked him because you knew he didn’t want anything to do with them

✦. you helped him with his control around human blood, but you weren’t scared to lock him in the brig if he got too excited

✦. you were like his Lexi (big rip)

✦. you also had a little book club, where you two were the only members. Damon would laugh whenever a discussion on chapter 3 would turn into a fight between you two

✦. you both liked to stay out of the drama but always got dragged into it anyways, being forced to be the hero

✦. you started commenting on Stefan’s hero hair whenever Damon said something about it

✦. Stefan was the type of brother who would put a blanket over you if he found you sleeping in the living room with a book in your lap, a glass of bourbon on the table next to you

✦. you and him would go on jogs together in the woods, and end up making it a race to see who could get home first

✦. Damon would be alarmed when you guys were having fun, saying he was the only one that could

✦. “wait, are you two having fun? somebody must’ve spiked your squirrel.” 😎😏

✦. “oh my god, Damon. you’re so funny.” 😐🙄

✦. you would hand Stefan tools whenever he fixed cars, and maybe even learn a thing or two

✦. you guys reminded each other to drink vervain daily so you could get immune

✦. Stefan and Damon were your favorite people

✦. you read Stefan’s journals behind his back, and would treat him extra nice the next day from what you read

✦. whenever he had no humanity he was a handful. he picked on you the most because you were the one most likely to bring him back

✦. you always tried to make Stefan accustomed to human blood so he wouldn’t freak out

✦. and Stefan would try to get you on the animal diet, but you would spit facts and would be like, oh no. Animal blood makes you weak and all that other stuff

✦. Stefan didn’t like not having you around because he was bored easily, and didn’t see the point in going out if you weren’t

✦. you guys were the type to belt out song lyrics in the car, mostly listening to classic rock

✦. you knew him and Caroline were going to get together before he did, and would try to put them in situations together a lot to make it go faster

✦. “Stefan, how about you take Caroline to the dance? You know, have fun for once.”

✦. “Hey, Caroline, just go with Stefan. I’ll go with Damon.”

✦. you would sneak into his room and steal his vinyls, then say you didn’t when he would ask you

✦. despite what the group thought, you and Stefan were actually a lot of fun to be around

✦. you guys shot darts at the Grill, and got competitive very quick about it

✦. you guys had drinking competitions, again betting who would win

✦. you guys also liked to spend the whole night trying to get drunk, then you’d push Stefan in front of a truck LOL

✦. Stefan gave you a necklace in the 1960s that you never took off

✦. Stefan wrote about you in his journals, saying he had deep regret for turning you into a vampire and everything he ever did to you when he was the ripper

✦. you’d always find Stefan on his banister when he was in a mood, or something bad happened that day

✦. you’d give him a glass of bourbon and ask him what was wrong. this would lead to him confessing how sorry he was and everything he regrets

✦. “i gave you this life. you and Damon. I’ll never stop apologizing for that.”

✦. “it’s not that bad, Stefan. At least we’re all together.”

✦. Damon came to you with his problems because he felt like Stefan judged him too much, which kinda was the case

✦. you were like Stefan in a way when you just liked to lock yourself in the room and drink your sorrows away instead of confronting them

✦. you both tried to work on that with each other

✦. people would ask you who’s the evil twin, to which you’d both say Damon

✦. Damon, despite it being very clear who was who, would mark your hands in marker so he knew who he was talking to

✦. “Damon. You’ve been doing this since we were kids.”

✦. “I know.”

✦. “even then, we’re not identical. it’s very clear who you’re talking to.”

✦. “I know.”

✦. “Jesus Christ.”

✦. you guys have always had a special bond since birth that you can’t explain

✦. you’re besties for life 🥺

✦. you guys also had a little handshake Damon always tried to copy

✦. you and Stefan rarely fight because your minds are so in tuned

✦. you guys think similarly

✦. despite what you tell Stefan, a very very small part of you can’t get over what he’s done to you when he was a ripper, or back in 1864 when you were turned because he forced you

✦. you tried to write in journals like Stefan did, but you barely ever write in it

✦. Stefan was always wary of the people you liked or dated, and it took him a long time to come out of his shell

✦. you guys watch I Love Lucy together all the time, his favorite show

✦. and on his birthday, you gifted him the whole series and an autographed poster from Lucille Ball herself

✦. you guys didn’t like going to the parties Damon threw in the house, but you went anyway because Caroline convinced you

✦. but let’s be real, y’all tore those parties up because you secretly loved them

✦. you’d be doing handstands at the keg and Stefan would be fuckin’ up the dance floor with his tubular moves

✦. on Halloween parties, Stefan and you would dress up as the cast from The Great Gatsby, another one of his favorites

✦. speaking of dancing, you and Stefan could dance

✦. you and him always had a cup of coffee in the morning and discussed random things before Damon would get up and wreak havoc

✦. you and him, since we’re on the subject, would watch fancy coffee videos and try to figure out how to make it

✦. whenever you were kids, your father would always make sure you were poised and didn’t embarrass him

✦. he held you and Stefan to a high standard

✦. you and Stefan would stay in each other’s rooms and goof off until morning back when you were children

✦. you always bought Stefan books he loved or wanted, or just gave him the original

✦. back in the 50’s, y’all were greasers let’s be real

✦. you were there when Stefan got his rose tattoo done

✦. you guys liked to sit in front of the fireplace after a hard day with glasses of bourbon

✦. “just another day in our lives, huh?”

✦. “just another day...”

✦. Stefan worried about you too much sometimes and would call you nonstop if he got bad news

✦. you were always asking him about his and Caroline’s relationship

✦. and at their wedding you were the best man (no matter the gender)

✦. but anyways, this boy dead and I miss him