#learning self control

[twunkzilla]

Healing is like ok stay calm nothings gonna hurt you and like shit youd need to stay calm regardless of if something will hurt you

[gaylittlebillionaires]

tozer identifying as straight while being very nonchalant about fucking men would bother irving so deeply because tozer would be so genuine about feeling that way, it wouldn’t come across as him lying to himself or anything like that. and irving would naturally be jealous of this because a) he knows deep down that he’s fully just gay and b) is incapable of feeling settled about it

[sneezingisnotnormal]

There’s something so perfect about a character being shot in the leg. You never really see that kind of thing as a kid or in classic adventure stories because it’s really inconvenient for your characters to not be able to run from the situation. So when you do see it, it’s such a helpless feeling that overtakes you. Someone wanted to keep you there and keep you alive. You have no say on either of those things in that moment. Your agency is completely and totally gone.

Yes this is a post about Dungeons and Daddies.

[khaire-traveler]

Let me make this very clear:

When it comes to Hellenic Polytheism, there is no human religious authority, especially not one that stands before or speaks for the gods.

It does not matter what someone tells you. It does not matter if they claim to be a priestess/priest of X deity or a messenger for Y deity. It does not matter what their supposed past life was like. It does not matter if they claim to be the literal fucking Oracle of Apollo.

No one has the right to tell you how to worship the gods. No one has the right to assert their authority over your religion.

And most of all, remember that people can and do lie.

[thetorturedlovergirl]

I don’t understand when people say Clara doesn’t feel like a real person, that she’s written as only a character, with no real emotions a human could have.

Honestly for me she feels written very real. She has guilt, she has anger, makes lots of mistakes and she tries to be something she’s not for the sake of society and for them to not look her different. She is manipulative but she does it because she cares and loves so much and she doesn’t want to lose anything. And when everything starts to fall apart she’s erratic because she doesn’t know what to do.

Human reactions for a girl who tries not to be, but will always be one.

[short-wooloo]

There are a million and nine reasons why I hate the "anakin has x personality disorder" takes (mostly because people treat it like it's textual fact and not just their fanon interpretations), but by far the thing I hate most about them is like 70-80% of the time the "evidence" for it (no matter the disorder whatever the armchair psychologist pulled out of the hat this week) always seems to be "Anakin gets angry sometimes"

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I think for all the discussions we have of "everyone hears the jokes and the piano; after that, they stop listening" surrounding Louis, we tend to still simplify his connection to the piano.

Yes, it's very cute that he sings Clementine a little song when they first meet, and it's very cute that he plays a little prank on her while "tuning" the piano. It's super cute that they carve their initials into the piano and Clementine carves a heart around them. It's mega cute that he names his song he wrote after her when she confesses her feelings. Louis playing Don't Be Afraid at the party is, in my opinion, one of the best moments in all of TFS.

But here's the thing: That piano is Louis' heart.

I don't mean to go all metaphorical on you, but I'm dead serious—the piano is Louis' heart, and when you think about his arc and his romance route with that in mind...?

That piano is his one comfort in a world where the dead walk. It's been with him from the beginning of the outbreak. We know from his backstory that Louis wanted to take singing lessons so he could be a real musician, and his father denying him of that was what set him off to be a "vindictive fuckhead." Louis never got those singing lessons, and it's a very real possibility that Louis taught himself how to play.

Sure, others could've taught him; we know Minerva was musically talented, perhaps she showed him a thing or two. But learning piano, or any instrument, is brutal even with professional guidance. It takes hours of practice until numbness wears fingertips raw; dedication to memorize every key and finger placement to make music pleasing to the ear; self-discipline to keep going through every fumble, every failure, every single cruel thought of self-doubt; intelligence and a creative ear to write his own songs.

And yet, it's severely under-appreciated by everyone. It's annoying. It's distracting. It's unimportant. It's an excuse for Louis to mess around and not do any real work. He doesn't have any actual talent. The music and the piano are brushed off, unheard.

Yet, Louis keeps playing. He keeps singing. He keeps making jokes.

Creating music, the one thing he wanted so badly as a kid that he destroyed his parents marriage, was possibly the greatest comfort he had... a welcome distraction to disassociate from the horror and death happening around him.

It's bittersweet, like a purpling bruise that you can't stop pressing on; it hurts, but there's something else below the pain. The piano is out of tune and it's something that brings him joy... but will always act as a constant reminder of who he was and what he did, why he's at Ericson to begin with.

We first meet him while he's playing; Louis' heart is exposed, but is it really? Is he playing to his true potential? Louis hides behind the mask of a charming, charismatic goof. It's what is expected of him, so he plays a silly song intended to poke and prod at Clementine, to gauge a reaction. That's something we see him do at multiple points in episode one. In fact, we can consider a majority of episode one to be like the song he's playing when we meet him; it's mostly cheery or fast-paced.

Louis is able to soothe AJ with his "alluring" music after the kid bit Ruby is an indication that the two of them will share a bond. Louis is a natural at communicating and bonding with the younger kids [another talent that's overlooked] so it's interesting that he praises AJ for being a natural at piano, as well.

But the song stutters just a bit when Louis and Clementine are in the woods together, though; "There's only one guarantee: this moment. That's the only you got, only thing any of us got. Might as well enjoy it." ...Only for Louis to compose himself and send her away.

It's only when Clementine has a gun in her face, held by Marlon, that the music isn't fun anymore; it's rainfall and thunder and the words "I thought you were more than that" sung through the wind in a melody only Louis can hear.

Then Marlon's dead. The song is over, and reality has arrived.

I've talked at length about Louis in ep2 and his vote in the past. It's one of the most compelling things about Louis' arc and romantic route. It's a tragic mistake driven by trauma and guilt. It's people simultaneously telling him to shut up and telling him to be angrier than he is. Telling him to stop burying his head in the sand when he's never been more aware of everything happening. It's AJ peering up at him with pleading eyes that Louis can't stand to look at. It's Clementine wrapping his heartstrings around her fingers and tugging just enough to hurt, but not break.

Louis missed Clementine. He says as much when Clementine admits she missed him first. I don't even know where to begin with that! I can think of no other way to describe it other than they are half agony, half hope over this... and if you get that reference, you get a gold star. I just- the ache, the tension, the conflicting feelings of finally having a quiet moment to talk but Louis not being ready yet.

Y'know how someone carved "you suck at playing" in the side of the piano? It's something you might not initially notice while playing the game, just as Louis' insecurities aren't apparent at first.. but they're carved in him; never fully healed, still scabbed and bleeding... Until Clementine offers him a bandage.

She won't clean the wound for him, but she'll be there. She'll help him figure out how to do it himself so he can heal. She'll listen to him, not belittle his feelings or pain. She'll make an effort to know his keys and notes and practice playing his song until she understands.

When Clementine chooses him to spend time with him, it's a mirror of their first time meeting... but this time, Louis plays something real: a song he wrote, one that I believe he crafted during the two week time skip... a song he wrote with Clementine on his mind, for better or worse.

If the piano is Louis' heart, he literally asks her to sit there and try to tune it, which ends up being a joke but I say she's already tuned your heart, my guy. It's there before them, changed in the warm candlelight. He plays for her and opens up about how no one actually listens, but Clementine did.

And remember, this is the night of the raid. They don't know it's coming, but they know it'll be soon. Louis understands that he could very well die, so what does he do? He carves his initial into the one thing he's always had, and he asks Clementine to do the same.

I'm sorry, how are we NOT more feral about this? Prior to this scene, the only thing we see carved into the piano, into Louis' heart, is an insult. This thing that Louis cares so deeply about, this instrument that's become so intertwined with who he is... he wants to leave his mark on it just in case he dies. A reminder that it was his and he belonged to it just as much. Something so important, and he asks Clementine to carve herself into his heart where no matter what, they will be immortalized together in this moment.

And when Clementine carves a heart around their initials? Yes, his reaction is very cute and that's great... but she's not ashamed of him, or her feelings for him. She wants everyone who looks upon his heart to know that. She tells him how she feels and Louis is so giddy, and warm, and he names the song after her and I am going to start biting anything that moves, I can't-

Oh, and let's discuss the party scene in episode three, shall we? Y'know, where the heart covered initials are on full display? Where Louis tells the story of why he was sent to Ericson to everyone?

Louis is so... vulnerable. Sincere. Ashamed of what he did. This is the exposed nerve, the one he was so afraid of showing Clementine but there it is... and she doesn't reject him. Sure, she can say it's fucked up if you choose to, but she doesn't break up with him over it.

Also the fact that everyone sitting around him finally listens when he's at his most unshielded only for Tenn to ask him to play Don't Be Afraid for them after...? How do you not see the connection? Are you trying to make me cry? In that moment, Louis' heart was heard and appreciated and beautiful and strong and-

Listen. I am fine. I'm so normal about this. And fine. I'm fine.

But I also have to add that during the walk in episode four, if you let Louis choose what to add to the imaginary house, he picks a brand new piano because he wants a new heart to reflect the confidence and growth Clementine helped him achieve and because he loves her and AJ so much that wants the new heart to not just be his but also theirs and I am so fine with this, okay.

[scribz-ag24]

thinking about how se0 had dusknoir live a horrifying period of time where he sinks so deep into thr darkness he almost loses himself, so the player can feel and understand his determination to keep his life no matter how hopeless his future is. his life is finally HIS, and he's not giving it away again. and it's only the first step in his journey because by the end of se5 he learns his life doesnt have to keep on going on a literal sense, that letting your actions impact others' future is another way of making your life matter thanks to YOUR own choices.

[hotchipsauce]

psst pspspsps u should totally talk about grebbymints more ... i am enabling u......

AAAAAA bro….. my dude…. the thing is i always feel crazy talking about them together bc i think like they’ve only publicly interacted like 3 times? LOL (i have watched and documented every interview minty and grebby has appeared in for the leafs/marlies. it’s so bad. me being sick has actually helped me not be as weird about it since i had less screen time in general)

but even then me and @tufzy just constructed this whole separate reality in our heads for months about how like they prob got closer after getting called up and minty is the only familiar guy for grebby there due to being on the marlies together + no russian player on the leafs to fall back on for help so grebby is just sticking to minty’s side the whole time, and minty even tho he’s a lil popular with the leaf boys he still is looking out for his linemate. even when they get sent down they’re still drawn to each other out of habit. but i’m always like second guessing like wow this is pure delusion like maybe they don’t even fuck with each other like that it’s just coworker friendliness this rpf shit is truly a disease fr fr 🙏

and then the videos started dropping. they’re goofing off and pushing each other around during sewer ball. and then i see a single frame of minty next to grebs during the one rare tiktok that he shows up in. and the delusion starts anew

[dykedvonte]

Danse and Hancock work only after blind betrayal because it’s the equivalent of the one closeted person you kinda pity getting kicked out after being outted and you and your like 7 other faggot friends take them in and help them do a 180 on their outlook on life and personal style and get them to weed (possibly grape mentats in this case).

[thebirdandhersong]

INORDINATELY EXCITED ABOUT THE BOOKS I HAVE ORDERED. I HAVE NOT WELCOMED A NEW BOOK INTO THIS HOUSE SINCE JULY.

[stewdoesthings]

On one hand, please tell me not to get tattoos because of random celebrities. I almost gave myself a Neil Gaiman tattoo.

On the other hand... I kinda wanna have the same tattoos as Cole Zieser and Dan Berry...

[skunkes]

Hi, assuming you’ve already talked about it, but is Al kind of like a self ship thing? Same with talon?

Yes! Al is my imaginary bf i made him when i was around age 11-12 but didnt start "dating" him until high school (maybe 14-15?) (another oc of mine was my imaginary bf before him LOL)

Talon was made like 2 years ago? And it takes me a while to develop characters and im bad at making plots so I put him in a room with al in my brain to figure him out as a character and now he's part of all this too...i needed reinforcements due to recent turmoil wee hee i need the duality of delicious bear and decrepit twink i heart self shipping

[ficandkaboodle]

Lately, I’ve started to wonder how things might’ve turned out had Terzo not ascended to the antipapacy. Like, I’m not sure he necessarily had much of a choice given it appears to be largely dynastic in organization but what if he had more of a say and it? What if he said no thanks, I think my use is best served elsewhere? And he stayed with Bishop Necropolitus…They can’t bring Meliora in its entirety to life, but they can work together to make the world around them just a bit more beautiful for people who’ve felt like them…I wonder if things could’ve been different. Better.

And then I stop.

[excessive-moisture]

There should be a fic where artificer reaches the outer expanse colony after killing scav chief and heals there. Opens up very slowly and reveals their past even slower. Starts looking after the OE pups. Confronts their past in healthy ways.

And I would 100% write this myself if I wasn't in the middle of the enot dating sim saga !!! AAAA

[goldenroseeon]

We already got the Minecraft movie, it's called "Let's Actually Play Minecraft Again" by RT "Drift King" Game.