#lee!sideswipe

[anubismagic]

"Give me a Smile."

Lee: Sideswipe

Ler: Bumblebee

(Enjoy!!)

Word count: 💅

This morning was the same as any other. It was an off day. No Decepticons or anything. The team was relaxing and enjoying some time, well, most of the team.

Sideswipe has been grumpy all morning. He even didn't try to team or annoy Strongarm, and he completely ignored Grimlock. Bumblebee worried for him. Was he perhaps upset after the scolding Bumblebee did?

Sideswipe was goofing around during a mission yesterday, and Bumblebee lectured Sideswipe for it. He tapped his chin, an idea came, and a large smile did, too. He knew exactly what to do.

"Hey, Sideswipe." Bumblebee said, Sideswipe picked up on his oddly sweet tone. "What?" He grumbled, already walking away from Bumblebee. The yellow bot smirked he reached out and grabbed the younger bots' wrist.

"Hey!" Sideswipe growled before he could say much Bumblebee's hands grabbed his undercarriage. "Bee, what are you-?" Sideswipe eyes widened once he realized what Bumblebee was planning to do. "B-Bee.. can't we talk about this..?" He said nervously, just by the grin Bumblebee gave he knew that was a no.

The yellow bot scribbled over Sideswipe's ribs, the red bot squeaked he squirmed and flailed. He did everything to hold back, laughing. "Come on, Sideswipe, cheer up a little! How about a smile?" Bumblebee teased. He liked seeing his teammates happy. "Hehahh! Stahp!" Sideswipe giggled.

Bumblebee went down to Sideswipe's hips, "Cmon, smile." The yellow bot couldn't help but grin. Sideswipe was pushing away, so Bumblebee held him on his lap (not ship). "BEHEEHEHHAHA! STAHAHAHP!" Sideswipe shrieked laughing. He was kicking and squirming. He was never going to admit he liked this.

Who enjoys being tickled tortured by their leader? "There's that smile!" Bumblebee didn't let up the tickling. He squeezed Sideswipe's hips, causing the red bot to squeal and kick, "HEHAAHAHA STAHAHP PLEHEHEHEHASE! HEEHHAAH!" Bumblebee smiled at Sideswipe.

After a moment, Bumblebee finally let up. Letting Sideswipe's circuits cool, watching his giggles die down. "Feel better?" He asked. Sideswipe's crossed his arms, "N-no!" Bumblebee just smiled. He knew Sideswipe was lying, but he didn't press it.

Hope you enjoyed!!!

[random-fandom1984]

MASTER LIST

Request are open!

ALLOWED:

●Fluff ●Yandere ●Angst ●Crossovers ●Character x Reader ●Character x Character ●References to other fandoms ●Comfort ●Headcanons ●Reader/Character from one dimension/universe getting sent to a different one (tfp x tfa, trollhunters x zak storm, etc)

●others to be added

NOT ALLOWED:

●NSFW ●Pedophilia ●Incest ●Certain sensitive topics (rape, abuse, etc) ●Other's OC's (I don't have the confidence to do that)

FANDOMS

Transformers

Tfa:

General: - Predacon! Reader in TFA

Optimus Prime - Wattpad Story: Deadly Voice - Yandere! TFP! & TFA! Optimus x Chubby! Gn Reader Ratchet Prowl Bumblebee Bulkhead Jazz Jettwins Ultra Magnus Megatron Starscream (+clones) Lugnut Blitzwing Blackarachnia/Elita-1 Grimlock Wreck-Gar Soundwave Longarm Prime/Shockwave - All It Takes Is A Potion to Show How Much I'm Obsessed With You Wasp/Waspinator

Tfp:

Optimus Prime - Yandere TFP! & TFA! Optimus x Chubby! Gn Reader Ratchet Arcee Cliffjumper Smokescreen Bumblebee - Bumblebee x SG! Cybertronian Reader Bulkhead Wheeljack Ultra Magnus Megatron - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Starscream - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Soundwave - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Shockwave - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Predaking - Decepticons Meets Sparklings 5t3v3(Steve) - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Knockout - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Breakdown - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Dreadwing - Decepticons Meets Sparklings Arachnid Unicron

Tfe

Optimus - Sparklings Megatron - Sparklings Bumblebee - Sparklings Elita-1 - Sparklings Soundwave - Sparklings Shockwave - Sparklings Tarantulas - Sparklings Terrans(PLATONIC ONLY) Swindle Starscream

Tfg1

Optimus Prime - Calling Optimus Prime Dad Prowl Jazz Bumblebee Ratchet Megatron Starscream Skywarp Thundercracker Reflector Soundwave - Soundwave x Cybertronian Reader Part 1 Shockwave Grimlock Unicron Other Autobots and Decepticons

Tfbw

Optimus Primal Rattrap Rhinox Cheetor -His Sea Goddess (Cheetor x Cybertronian Reader with an Octopus alt-mode) Dinobot Megatron Tarantulas Waspinator

Tfrid2015

Bumblebee Sideswipe Strongarm Fix-it Grimlock Drift Steeljaw Thunderhoof Fracture Underbite Saberhorn

TF1

Orion Pax/Optimus Prime D-16/Megatron B-127/Bumblebee Elita-1 Starscream Soundwave Shockwave Sentinel Prime

LEGO MONKIE KID

Mk Mei Red Son Jin & Yin Spider Queen Azure Lion Macaque Sun Wukong Nezha Syntax Huntsman Goliath (Strong Spider) Peng Lady Bone Demon Not Mayor

ZAK STORM

Zak Storm (PLATONIC ONLY) Cece Crogar Clovis (PLATONIC ONLY) Caramba (PLATONIC ONLY) Calabrass (PLATONIC ONLY) Golden Bones

Trollhunters/3Below/Wizards

Angor Rot Gunmar Bular Aaarrrgghh Blinky (Blinkous) Nomura Draal Krel Tarron & Aja Tarron (PLATONIC ONLY) Varvatos Tronos Madu Zadra Zeron Alpha Nari Skrael Bellroc

Cookie Run Kingdom

Gingerbrave (PLATONIC ONLY) Wizard Cookie (PLATONIC ONLY) Strawberry Cookie (PLATONIC ONLY) Custard Cookie Ⅲ (PLATONIC ONLY) Chili Pepper Cookie Licorice Cookie Poison Mushroom Cookie (PLATONIC ONLY) Dark Choco Cookie Red Velvet Cookie Pomegranate Cookie Dark Enchantress Cookie Pure Vanilla Cookie White Lily Cookie Hollyberry Cookie Golden Cheese Cookie Dark Cacao Cookie Princess Cookie (PLATONIC ONLY) Knight Cookie (PLANTONIC ONLY) Caramel Arrow Cookie Crunchy Chip Cookie Affogato Cookie Captain Caviar Cookie Black Pearl Cookie/White Pearl Cookie Shadow Milk Cookie Mystic Flour Cookie

Others to be added

Adventure Time: Fionna & Cake

Fionna Cake (PLATONIC ONLY) Gary Marshall Lee Scarab Prismo Simon (PLATONIC ONLY) Marceline (Vampireworld version) Bonnibell Bubblegum (Vampireworld version)

WHEN REQUESTING (More rules will be added later):

●Include the fact whether or not your request is platonic or romantic; If romantic, is Y/n or character in a relationship, and if not, who is the romantic interest(s)?

●Give me some of the plot of what you're thinking for your request. If you don't, and I don't know what you want it to be about, or I can't think of what to make up- Example:

Optimus x Reader. Angst. Reader is male.

I don't know what the plot should be, or what it should involve. Like, if it's good enough that I can think of what it could be, then yeah, sure, but that will be a rare chance with me. But if it's like this- Example:

Aaarrrgghh x Reader. Comfort. Basically, the reader has had a bad day at work/school, and the two of them just cuddle and enjoy the silence in each other's arms, slowly falling asleep.

Then I will be able to think of how it can go because you gave me what you want to include in your request, but now how, I will be able to get behind that.

● I can make the reader be based off of another character, like- Examples:

-Vox! Reader in Trollhunters

-Reader as Ratchet's little sister in Transformers: Generation 1

Anything! Whatever you want as long as it's allowed.

●If your request involves something that isn't allowed, then it will be ignored.

That's everything for now! Request away!

[tword-brainrot]

Another round of Stardew Valley🌻 tickle headcanons!

(Bachelorette’s edition!)

Apologies about the lateness on this, life was lifing and we’re all still living it 😅

Abigail! 🎃 (Ler-Leaning)

Ler!Abigail

Top tier older sis vibes (also just in general, she’s so cool 🤩)

Def the type to tickle you while playing video games to win

Lord help you if you still win anyways

Sebastian is her main target and she also employs the assistance of Sam to keep him still

“What’s the matter? Can’t handle a few tickles? Too bad!”

Lee!Abigail

For a ler, she is very ticklish

Tables can very easily table and they often do without Sam’s assistance (sometimes with it if Sebastian is convincing enough)

Def a squeaker and will threaten your life if you tell a soul

Visual teasing works a lot better on her so, wiggly fingers are a sure fire way to get her blushing

Worst spot is def her ribs and sides

“W-wait…dohon’t you dahahare!”

Emily! 💎 (Ler-leaning)

Ler!Emily

The cooing is almost too much (almost)

Is absolutely head over heels for a cute Lee, will absolutely Dawn over any kind of snorting or squeaking

Very soft ler, mainly does it for cheering up purposes (also for when Haley is being a bit of a negative Nancy)

Will 100% claim that laughter “naturally reduces toxins”

“Awwww, Look at that smile! That’s more like it, cutie pie!”

Lee!Emily

Not very ticklish but, if you catch her off guard, you may get a giggle or two out of her

Worst spot is probably her stomach, I can imagine she’d attribute this to a chakra or something

Clint has 100% attempted to tickle her but, he either got too nervous and never went through with it or got absolutely sideswiped when she wanted to turn the tables

“Hey, thahahat tickled! But not as much as this will!”

Haley! 🥥 (Begrudging Lee)

Ler!Haley

Very jabby pokey taser type, typically does it out of annoyance to get Alex to shut up or to insight tickles

Pray to god she hasn’t had her nails done recently because she’ll want to make full use of them

Thinks it’s extremely childish and almost beneath her

Will 100% demean you (UwU)

“Not so tough now, huh? It’s pathetic really, the way you’re just crumbling. Makes me want to laugh myself!”

Lee!Haley

BRAT OMFG BRATBRATBRAT

Will curse you out the entire time

Will also thank you after…

As mentioned, typically she’ll insight them by being annoying or starting the fight herself

Will NEVER ask for it, could catch her in the middle of the sewers before that

“Nonononono, You [expletive]! I’ll [expletive] eHeheHend your [expletive] life!!! Stahahahahap!!”

Leah! 🥗 (50/50)

Ler!Leah

Teases with conviction, can break almost any Lee that crosses her

Ruthless but, softly

Will make use of art supplies like paint brushes and has even used Elliott’s own quill against him

Gets into Ler moods and will either wreck Elliott or do anything she can with her hands to take her mind off it

“What’s the matter? Does it tickle more when I tease you for being so cute? Well that’s good! You’ve been needing a good laugh, right?”

Lee!Leah

Absolutely precious laugh, it’s like melodic????

Doesn’t mind asking for it, almost flusters the Ler with her bluntness

Will also compliment the ler throughout

Has no problems keeping still for it!

Worst spot is her palms and her sides are a close second

“As long as your hands aren’t tired, I can keep going! You’re doing a great jAHaHahaA!!!”

Maru! 🤖 (Lee-leaning)

Ler!Maru

A bully, such a wicked teaser

Will tease similarly to Harvey in a sense that she’ll bring science into it

Favorite target is her brooding brother, always puts a smile on her face to put one on his

Very fast movements to keep your laughter at an optimal level

“What about here? Interesting! Most people aren’t ticklish here, that’s so fun! Aren’t you having fun?”

Lee!Maru

She’s got a snorty laugh and you know you’ve got her when she starts to hiccup

Worst spot is under the arms and her ribs (specifically the upper ones)

Is typically too flustered to speak in full sentences and just laughs her heart out

Won’t ask for it but, won’t ask for it to stop either

“Ehehehe!! Nononono!! Plehehease!! *snrk!* naHaAhat thehehere!!!”

Penny! 📖

Is entirely uninterested in the matter and would much rather read her books tbh..

Doesn’t seem like the type to be ticklish at all

[zuko-always-lies]

It's truly jarring how some zutara shippers look and sometimes make any excuse why Mai "doesn't see the real Zuko, doesn't deserve Zuko, is unfit for him, she's toxic/abusive/neglectful", shifting all the blame on her. Like wth...

As far as I'm aware, Zvtara is unique in the Avatar fandom for it's tendency to completely demonize characters, most notably Aang and Mai, but also Azula and Jet as sideswipes. Obviously you can ship Zvtara without doing that, and many people do, but the tendency to demonize seems very strong, and that's unusual to me. I don't see Maiko shippers demonizing Katara (or Ty Lee I guess), I don't see Zukka shippers demonizing Mai or Suki(well, aside from maybe a weird claim that Suki died young), I don't see Kataang shippers demonizing Zuko, I don't see Sukka shippers demonizing Yue or Zuko, I don't see Tyzula shippers really demonizing anyone. As a whole (again, not saying everyone is guilty of this), Zvtara stands alone in terms of the sheer quantity of hate it puts out, and I'm not sure why. Maybe in other fandoms there are ships with similarly negative records, and that might provide some insight into why.

As for your specific ask, yes, Mai gets so much unjustified hate, and mostly it boils down "she doesn't spend every waking moment validating Zuko's every feeling and sometimes is unhappy with Zuko's decisions, especially when they negatively affect her and she doesn't understand why he made them."

[kudosmyhero]

Transformers: Robots in Disguise (Phase 02) #1: The Autonomy Lesson

Read Date: September 19, 2022 Cover Date: January 2012 ● Writer: John Barber ● Penciller: Andrew Griffith ● Inker: (Andrew Griffith, also?) ● Colorist: Josh Perez ● Letterer: Shawn Lee ● Editor: Carlos Guzman ●

Synopsis: As a ship carrying the newest group of NAILs to return to Cybertron comes in for a landing over the primordial planet, the substance of the world itself comes to life, reacting primitively to the presence of the "intruders" and lashing out at their craft. Although damaged, they are able to set down, and are greeted by Bumblebee and Metalhawk, though the conversation that follows is a terse one, as Metalhawk takes every opportunity to blame the Autobots for the current situation and foster distrust for them in the new arrivals.

Elsewhere, Tappet is caught in the act of graffitiing a building by Needlenose and Horri-Bull, who are acting as enforcers of the peace following the implantation of inhibitor/deterrence chips in the Decepticons that prevent them transforming or using their special powers. Unfortunately, the pair elect to enforce the peace upside Tappet's head, but are caught before the situation escalates by Prowl, Blurr, and Sideswipe. While Blurr takes Tappet into custody, Prowl and Sideswipe return Horri-Bull and Needlenose to the Decepticons' "home", where self-appointed leader Ratbat makes demands for equal treatment that fall on deaf ears. After the Autobots depart, however, Ratbat turns on the two troublemaking Decepticons for their willingness to serve the Autobots' government, and announces that he has a plan…

While Ironhide and Wheeljack are attempting to map the full extent of the changes to Cybertron, Bumblebee and Prowl clash over the Decepticon problem, and over Prowl's opposition to holding a memorial for the believed-dead crew of the Lost Light, since most of the planet's population are hostile or indifferent towards the idea. Leaving Bumblebee to deal with matters of state, Prowl receives a visit from a mysterious co-conspirator, who is aiding him in carrying out the unpleasant tasks necessary to keep the peace.

Metalhawk arrives and arranges for Tappet's release, following which he and Bumblebee talk about the memorial. Rather than actually give an answer, Metalhawk volunteers the fact that rumours are starting to spread that Bumblebee had the Lost Light blown up, which drives the little yellow 'bot into a fury. Before he can really lay into Metalhawk, though, they are distracted by a scuffle nearby: Horri-Bull and Needlenose are at it again, beating up Zetca. Bumblebee threatens to detonate Horri-Bull's I/D chip if he doesn't back off, but Horri-Bull calls his bluff, preparing to kill Zetca… and Bumblebee doesn't blink, triggering the explosive and blowing Horri-Bull's head off. And watching nearby is Skywarp, who reports Horri-Bull's death, and despite supposedly having an I/D chip, teleports away…

(https://tfwiki.net/wiki/The_Autonomy_Lesson_(issue))

Fan Art: jazz and prowl by m343m

Accompanying Podcast: ● Married with Comics: Rod Pod - episode 01

[emergencymanagementnews]

The storm could sideswipe Bermuda on Thursday or Friday before possibly bringing storm hazards to eastern New England. A direct hit on Canada appears likely.

[solar-pxwered]

Meet the Mun

Rules tag 10 followers you want to get to know better!

Tagged Bby: No one...I STOLE IT!

Tagging: Anyone and everyone but especially my new followers and mutuals!  --------------------------------

Name: Panja

Star Sign: Leo

Height: 5′5″

Middle name?: Wouldn’t you like to know, Weatherboy? (It’s Elizabeth though)

Put your itunes/spotify/youtube on shuffle. What are the first 6 songs that popped up?

Hail the Hero (Mo Ghile Mear) - Celtic Thunder

It’s Been a Long, Long Time- Doris Day

A Lil’ Ain’t Enough - David Lee Roth

Blood In the Cut - K. Flay

Get High With Me - Mark Morrison

Promises - Def Leppard

Grab one book nearest to you and turn to page 23. what’s line 17?:

“And he would not deny that he noticed other women—soft-voiced, blond, slender, seemingly compliant women—who would not shriek at him or stomp off in a hysterical fit of pique when life did not go smoothly. “ - Bitter Harvest by Anne Rule

Ever had a poem or song written about you: Not that I know of

When was the last time you played air guitar: Guitar? Can’t remember. Drums? Literally as I was looking up the 6 shuffle songs for this post, lol!

Who is your celebrity crush?: Michael J. Fox has always been my top tier celeb crush ever since I was a little kid.

What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?: Mouth noises, like chewing with your mouth open or smacking gum or food or just lip smacking in general. Like....I swear to GOD it makes me want to snap!! As for a sound I love? Rain on the roof, chickens clucking, bass guitar, summer night sounds (frogs, crickets, owls, etc.)

Do you believe in ghosts?: A bit. More so I believe in demons and angels.

How about aliens: Yes. 100%

Do you drive?: Yes. And I can drive stick shift!

If so have you ever crashed: Not crashed, but my brakes gave out once and I sideswiped a parked car as I tried to get stopped on the curb.

What was the last book you read?: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stone Ocean

Do you like the smell of gasoline: No, no, no. Gives me a headache.

What was the last movie you saw?: Spider-Man: No Way Home

What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?: Slid my hand across the grill I was cleaning at the bar where I cooked and burnt the over loving SHIT out of half of my hand. Skin bubbled up and everything. It sucked so bad.

Do you have any obsessions right now?: I’m so deep into One Piece, my dudes. I’m binging hard every chance I get.

[gumnut-logic]

Minerva (Bit 1)

Okay, this fic is an attempt to get my mojo back. Every time I go on holiday it gets sideswiped. Being sick definitely did not help, though admittedly coughing all night last night may have made me my usual sleep deprived self, so who knows, it might have helped :D

But anyway, This fic is Kermadec because I needed a boat :D It also required a little research - Minerva Reef is a pair of actual atolls not far from Tracy Island. I’m not sure of the distance so I fluffed it.

Andre and Cecil are a pair of private nurses first mentioned in Gentle Rain. I like to recycle my OCs but I haven’t read that story in ages. Here’s hoping I’ve kept them true to form. They haven’t been sketched out in this much detail before, in any case.

There is fluff. I broke Virg again, oops, but there is resultant fluff. I’m sick, I can’t help myself. 

Many thanks to @scribbles97​ and @vegetacide​ for the read throughs and support. I haven’t forgotten about The Tattoo, I just needed a little self indulgence first.

This bit is mainly set up and I hope to write more asap. 1726 words.

I hope you enjoy it.

-o-o-o-

Two broken legs.

If there was anything worse than a broken limb, it was more than one and two broken legs was the worst.

Or two broken arms. He wasn’t sure as he hadn’t managed to break two arms as yet. But two broken legs definitely sucked.

Of course, it was worth it. Saving children was always worth it. But weeks of confinement, of being unable to do anything for himself, was about to send him around the bend, out the window and into the Pacific.

His brothers did their best and both Andre and Cecil, the family nursing staff - yes, they had enough injuries on enough of a regular basis to have nursing staff on their payroll -  had been called in on this one to cart him back and forth across the house, see to his necessaries, and pretty much do his bidding.

Which was fine, since he and Andre got on like a house on fire. The man spoke both paint and piano almost as much as Virgil and there had been fun times, despite his infirmities.

Cecil was a Gordon clone and those two got up to much more mischief than was really acceptable for an employee. But since Gordon usually took all the credit, even the time Scott had his eyebrows shaved, they got away with hell.

Besides, Scott’s eyebrows had been partly burnt off already and had looked stupid, so shaving them both off was an improvement that had to be done. How Gordon had managed it, Virgil didn’t have a clue...and also didn’t want to think too hard about it because it gave his rapscallion little brother powers that he really shouldn’t have.

Cecil played it straight and the Tracys put up with it. Because despite Cecil’s idiosyncrasies, the two nurses were very, very good at their jobs.

That and they came as a pair because Andre and Cecil were married.

So, other than expanding Gordon’s power of pranking, things were good. Well, as good as they could be while he had two broken legs. 

But there were days.

God, were there days.

Days, so many days, and today was one of them.

Scott had been called out early in the morning and consequently everyone was up. Alan was called next and he and Kayo were out dealing with yet another space freighter collision. Scott was going to kick some space agency ass about updating some space etiquette rules in the near future to stop this stupidity from happening, and considering how much profanity was bouncing down from orbit, both John and Alan would be there to back him up.

So three brothers were out, leaving Virgil imprisoned with Gordon, Andre, Cecil and Grandma. This combination wouldn’t normally be an issue, but Grandma was cooking up a storm and Virgil was trapped.

Gordon may be a pain at times, but he saw the hazard coming and he was a good brother at heart. So, with some assistance from Andre and Cecil, the Fish deployed his yacht, A Little Lightning, and suddenly the day seemed so much brighter.

Virgil was ensconced in pillows and the best of comfort on the back deck and had the privilege of watching Mateo pass on their starboard side as Gordon guided the yacht out into the open ocean.

Why he seemed to always be injured when aboard this boat, he had no idea, but Gordon was a life saver.

Virgil had no idea where his brother might be taking him and he didn’t really care. He just lay back and enjoyed a beautiful day, the breeze, the many sounds of water and the gentle bounce of the boat.

At some point he dozed off.

It had to be a sign of how much healing his body needed, but somehow he managed to sleep the entire trip, because it was the sudden change in the engine noise that woke him.

Andre was smiling at him in that soft caring way he had about him. Dark hair, blue eyes and a soft smile, the nurse was somewhat reminiscent of his big brother, but without the fire and the drive. The man was quiet and reassuring, exactly what was needed when ill or injured.

“It looks like you needed that.”

Virgil grunted, never a fan of waking up. 

But Andre knew this and had exactly what the injured engineer needed - a mug of steaming coffee.

Virgil forced the last few steps to full consciousness, and, pushing himself up, made a grab for the mug.

The mug moved away. “Uh-uh, stretch first.”

Shit.

It was a thing Andre made him do every time he woke. Before coffee, he had to stretch abused muscles that were forced to sleep in awkward positions due to his legs.

Virgil mumbled and grumbled, but did as he was bid. He knew how important the exercises were, but the lure of coffee was just cruel. He vaguely noted the yacht’s engine dropping to a slow cruise and the open ocean having just that touch more sway, rolling the yacht in the swell.

“Where are we?”

“Cecil says we’re visiting Minerva.”

“Oh.” Virgil blinked. He’d flown over the Minerva Reefs many, many times. They were a navigation marker not that far from Tracy Island. Though they were far enough away for him to have been asleep for some time. “How long was I out?”

That smile again. “Several hours. Did you good.” The nurse had placed the coffee on a side table and was helping Virgil sit up straight enough to consume the taunting liquid from heaven.

A breathless moment and the mug was in his hands and coffee was pouring down his throat. God, Andre made great coffee. Yet another reason to put up with his husband.

He surfaced at some point and managed a thank you that set the nurse grinning just as a coral reef started to drift past.

Virgil didn’t know much about the Minerva Reefs other than Melissa Fisher on Raoul swore about them..alot.

They were on the very edge of the Kermadec Ocean Sanctuary and she had wanted to add them to the exclusion zone for a very long time. But the reefs were owned by Tonga or Fiji, depending on which country you spoke to and the environment continued to suffer from it.

He vaguely remembered Gordon saying something about visiting the reefs in Four on several occasions and Virgil had no doubt that he and Melissa were likely doing some kind of sneaky ecological monitoring or some such. After all, the reefs were rather close to Tracy Island and Gordon rather passionate about such things.

As A Little Lightning cruised between two reef headlands, Virgil surmised they were at the northern of the two atolls.

As Virgil guzzled the last of his coffee, the yacht came to a complete halt in the lee of one of the headlands - if you could call it that, the reef barely made it above the water line. He heard the sea anchor deployed and there was suddenly silence except for the crashing of waves against coral and sand and the breeze.

Virgil closed his eyes and soaked it in.

The empty mug was tugged gently from his hand and he vaguely registered a plate being placed on the table beside him. “Cecil made pie.”

That snapped him out of it. “Pie?” The prankster could cook and he was suddenly assaulted with a delicious aroma.

“Steak and bacon, topped with mashed potato and cheese.” The plate had a generous serving along with salad piled up beside it. Andre was grinning at his expression. “He’s mine, you can’t have him.”

Virgil had to grin. “Well, at least I know one of the reasons why you nabbed him.”

Andre’s grin softened, but it was still a grin. “In the top five.” A hand landed on Virgil’s shoulder. “Eat up, you’ll need it for this afternoon’s workout.”

That deflated him a little.

The nurse noted what must have been in his expression. “Okay, perhaps it can be a brief session today.” A shrug. “After all, an atoll is hardly a swimming pool.”

“Virg trying to con you out of rehab?” Gordon bounced onto the deck, a grin on his face and that look of absolute relaxation the man got whenever he was out on the water.

“‘S not rehab.” So Virgil was pouting and acting like a child. “It’s maintenance.” Of what still worked, until the casts came off and then the hell would really start.

“Don’t let those baby browns lure you from the path of righteousness, Andre.”

“What? Like you attempted last time?” The nurse was grinning at the aquanaut.

That brought Gordon up short.

“I have to say that your eyes are a lighter brown, not quite the same colour, but the manoeuvring is almost identical.”

“What?” It was a two Tracy chorus shot at Andre with two brows, one dark, one light, shooting daggers at the nurse.

Andre just laughed and turned back to Virgil. “You going to eat your pie?”

The nurse’s blue eyes did some manoeuvring of their own and Virgil found himself snatching up the plate and hovering over it to protect his slice of pie.

Cecil chose that moment to appear. As usual, there was never a laugh far behind him as he was wearing a bright pink chef’s cap canted at an angle. But it was the two plates of pie in his hands that drew the attention of the other two men on deck.

Gordon didn’t hesitate, grabbing his plate and shovelling pie down his throat with barely a thank you. Virgil growled in his direction.

“What? It’s good pie. Cecil knows I appreciate him, don’t you, Cecil?”

But the cook was accepting a gentle kiss from his husband as the man took his plate, his other hand drifting from Cecil’s shoulder, down to the small of his back in a gesture simple but intimate enough for Virgil to turn away to give them privacy.

His eyes landed on Gordon, who’s face had an odd expression as he looked back at Virgil, as if he knew something that Virgil didn’t.

Virgil glared at him.

It, no doubt, had something to do with Kay. He would slap his little bro about the head later.

In the meantime...”So, what are we doing here?”

-o-o-o-

Bit 2

[ty-umbra]

While watching The Light in Your Eyes (criminal underrated) on Netflix, I concluded that it was much easier to finish a show if the lead was cute.

(obligatory Nam Joo Hyuk graphic)

With that in mind, I started While You Were Sleeping in the hopes of gawking at Lee Jong Suk but

oUt Of NoWhErE, JUNG HAE IN absolutely sideswiped me and wrecked my bias list I mean look at this smile

I WILL STAN THIS MAN TILL THE SUN KILLS US ALL

[tabloidtoc]

National Examiner, February 10

Cover: Hollywood’s Greatest Love Affairs 

Page 2: Secrets behind Sunset Boulevard 

Page 4: Nominees for most out-there Oscar outfit -- Charlize Theron in 2010, Uma Thurman in 2004, Faith Hill in 2002, Barbra Streisand in 1969, Kate Hudson in 2001 

Page 5: Bjork in 2001, Geena Davis in 1992, Lizzy Gardner in 1995, Kim Basinger in 1998, Cher in 1998 

Page 7: How to be your own Valentine 

Page 8: Restart your resolutions 

Page 9: Suzanne Somers says look and feel amazing at any age 

Page 10: Linda Faye Herring has fostered more than 600 kids over nearly five decades 

Page 11: Your Heath: Heartburn or Heart Attack? 

Page 12: O.J, Simpson’s strange new life in Vegas -- folks flock to ex-con for selfies and to talk about murders 

Page 14: Dear Tony -- Past loves can come to the surface in so many ways, Tony predicts an experience that happened to Adam Sandler while filming Uncut Gems will change his life and lead him to help people in need later this year 

Page 16: Meryl Streep’s surprising secrets to a happy family 

Page 18: Alaskan Tyson Steele survived 23 days in subzero weather before a helicopter saw the big SOS he’d stamped into the snow 

Page 20: Cover Story -- Hollywood’s Greatest Real-Life Love Stories -- Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward, Clark Gable and Carole Lombard, Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall 

Page 21: Grace Kelly and Prince Rainer III, Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton 

Page 22: January is Divorce Month 

Page 23: Complaining can be healthy and helpful 

Page 26: Are extended warranties really worth it 

Page 28: The Good Doctor -- 5 deadly symptoms your physician often misses 

Page 44: Eyes on the Stars -- Donna Mills and Joan Van Ark and Michele Lee reunite for the 40th anniversary of Knots Landing, Hugh Grant and Matthew McConaughey arranged a date between Matthew’s widowed mom and Hugh’s widowed dad, Jason Priestley admits he’s still grieving the death of Luke Perry, Amy Schumer is trying to have another child through IVF and she wants a daughter, Daniel Radcliffe is looking so scruffy that while he waited outside with his dog a stranger gave him $5 to get coffee, Steve Martin and Martin Short will headline a TV series for Hulu, Dolly Parton’s ear nose and throat doctor was Reese Witherspoon’s dad and when Reese was a kid she wanted to be Dolly Parton 

Page 45: Uma Thurman on an Italian chat show, Kathy Garver played Cissy on Family Affair, Jennie Garth and a dog, Henry Winkler  poses for a selfie at the SAG Awards, Dianne Warren sideswiped a parked Porsche that belonged to Nia Long and now they’re talking about having dinner, folk singer David Olney died of an apparent heart attack while onstage 

[imperiuswrecked]

Do you have any particular issues/arcs from John Byrne's run on Namor that you enjoy and might recommend to people?

HMMM. Anon I have a long Love/Hate relationship with THAT run, I mean it starts off with an interesting concept then totally sideswipes for a trip to the Savage Land and the return of Danny Rand, then gets back on track later, then just drags on until it flops with the ridiculous Llyron “Son of Namor” arc. Then it’s canceled and Namor’s popularity dies a slow death with the Atlantis Attacks! event. He doesn’t get another solo (mini) until 2007 after that series ends in 1995.

I may dislike Bryne, but I can’t deny that he had good art and brought Namor into the 90s and gave him a solo once more after having nothing long running since the 70s. The idea of Namor becoming an eco warrior/business man is great. I would rec if you wanted good stuff, kinda spoilers ahead.

Namor, the Sub-Mariner (1990) #1-15

The savage land stuff starts around here in #16 iirc and I just hate the whole Savage Land/Danny Rand stuff, a few good panels here and there but the arc is just boring to me. 

Namor, the Sub-Mariner (1990) #19-20

#20 is important because its the reveal of Namorita being a clone daughter of Namora.

After that more Danny Rand/Savage Land stuff

#25 After battling Wolverine in the last issue (#24) Namor loses his memories.

#26 Namor is missing, Nita searches for him and he is an amnesic. This is when Jae Lee takes over art on the books so there is a big shift in look.

#29 is where things start to get good, Doctor Doom, the return of Princess Fen, it’s the beginning of the Artys-Gran and Suma-Ket storyline and goes until #40. Honestly this is my fave part of the series because it really does go harder with the Atlantean elements which is what I want in a Namor comic. so #25-40 is probably the peak in story telling.

Um, I really am trying to recall if anything big happened after this, but honestly it just becomes a Namor faces this and defeats that and then the whole lead up to issue #49-50 where Namor is r*ped by Llyra. Then the “Son of Namor” arc until the end. oh also after Lee leaves, the art changes again and honestly I hate it, Wyman becomes the artist.

However #44 is a retelling of Rime of the Ancient Mariner, the poem that inspired Everett for the name Sub-Mariner, and I love that issue, since I love the poem.

Also #13 is the Trial of the Sub-Mariner where Namor goes to account for his crimes against the surface world, and later Steve becomes his parole officer.

Hope this helps with the reading!

[antis-delete-your-blogs-pls-thx]

If I don't post it I'll keep thinking about it forever so

Domnhall Gleeson as Pharma

Karl Urban as Ratchet while young and Timothy Omundson while old tbh

Chris Pine as Rodimus (or Ryan Reynolds)

Tom Ellis has Starscream Energy w/ Lauren German as TFP Arcee,, don't @ me Lucifer was on Netflix

Tom Hughes has Soundwave TFP energy

Lee Pace has Optimus Prime energy

Michael Fassbender as Megatron???

Tom Hardy as Tarn

Josh Brolin as Ultra Magnus

Ezra Miller as Drift,,, tho my anime nerd brain automatically says badass with swords has to be Hiroshi Kamiya

Winston Duke has Wheeljack vibes tbh

Angela Bassett as Airachnid

Did anyone get Bumblebee TFA vibes from Ncuti Gatwa in Sex Education (yes, Netflix binge) or is that just me,, TFP and live action Bee remains Dylan O'Brien tho

Wil Wheaton is still Perceptor tbh fIGHT me

Colton Haynes is Sunstreaker bye

Armie Hammer as Sideswipe?

Is TFA Prowl legally obligated to be Ken Watanabe because the movie did him so dirty with Drift

Anton Yelchin would've made a good First Aid tbh

Now I'm just stuck on Overlord,,, WHO HAS LUSCIOUS LIPS IN HOLLYWOOD THESE DAYS

[kudosmyhero]

Transformers (Phase 02): The Death of Optimus Prime

Read Date: September 19, 2022 Cover Date: December 2011 ● Writer: James Roberts ◦ John Barber ● Penciller: Nick Roche ● Inker: (Nick Roche, also?) ● Colorist: Josh Burcham ● Letterer: Shawn Lee ● Editor: Carlos Guzman ●

Synopsis: A confused and disoriented Optimus Prime awakens on what seems to be Cybertron, though the planet is now convulsing with primordial energies and is missing some of its characteristic features. He assumes he has somehow been transported into the distant past, but spotting the wreckage of Galvatron's Sweeps reveals that something even stranger is afoot. Prime soon discovers that Iacon still exists, though it is now populated by Cybertronians whom he does not recognize and who mostly seem equally ignorant of himself. One of them, however, certainly recognizes Optimus and berates him for Cybertron's sorry state. The situation is defused when Sideswipe and Whirl arrive, intimidating the outspoken Transformer and introducing Optimus to the newly adopted acronym "NAIL"—Non-Aligned Indigenous Lifeforms—designating the multitudes of Cybertronians who evacuated their planet in the early stages of the civil war rather than picking and fighting for a side. Optimus is then reunited with Rodimus and Bumblebee, who describe the relative ease with which they captured the disoriented, post-Deceptigod Decepticons. They also express both their awe at the never-ending hordes of NAILs now returning to a pacified Cybertron and their tension at the situation, since they realize the NAILs perceive the Autobots to be nothing but symbols of the war they hate so much. That's certainly how Metalhawk feels—though the harshness of his contempt for the Autobots is certainly matched by Optimus's own declarations that Metalhawk was a coward who abandoned his own race in its time of greatest need. Some of the Autobots recommend that Optimus demonstrate the power of the Matrix of Leadership in order to convince the NAILs of the justness of their cause, but this is clearly impossible as the Matrix is totally depleted.

Optimus visits the captive Decepticons, now imprisoned within the gun chamber of the crashed Kimia Facility. Ratbat tries to impress Optimus with his own record of Senatorial service, but Optimus tersely cuts him off by noting that, regardless of his pre-war history, he is now just as much a criminal as the rest of his faction.

Day by day, the standoff with the NAILs grows ever more tense; for all his own dislike of the Autobots, Metalhawk is forced to play peacemaker when other NAILs such as Zetca begin to openly rally for violence against them. Perceptor and Rewind finish their examination of the empty halves of the Matrix shell, and determine that it is actually an ancient cosmic map that leads to… something. Drift immediately declares that it must be pointing out the location of the Knights of Cybertron, whose awesome power could surely help unite all Cybertronians and restore stability to the planet. The fact that these Knights are widely believed to be mythical does not dissuade him, and nor does Optimus's insistence that the Circle of Light was nothing but an eccentric cult. Drift is adamant about the reality of the Knights, and the wisdom of Dai Atlas's guarantees of their power; gradually, he manages to convince some other Autobots of the need to undertake a quest for these Knights. Prowl is outraged at the thought of leaving Cybertron in control of the NAILs, whom he considers to be lazy and opportunistic ingrates—though Metalhawk retorts that Prowl is only bitter because he had tried and failed to remain unaligned during the war. Suddenly, the crowd of NAILs outside attacks the Autobot base. Though disorganized, they can present a threat—emphasis on "can", as Prowl fixates on the potential of Autobot lives being at risk as being sufficient justification for releasing the captive Decepticons to beat back the crowds. Ratbat pleads with the other Decepticons not to obey Autobot orders and, instead, to attack their old enemies then and there. Starscream countermands that order, pointing out that they would easily be destroyed by an alliance of Autobots and NAILs. With their transformation capabilities and heaviest weapons disabled, the Decepticons use sheer brute force to push back the NAILs, and thereafter are held in line by Prowl's warning that they have each been fitted with remote-controlled detonator chips.

In despair, Optimus Prime addresses the entire populace of Cybertron. Though he means only the best for all of them, he grudgingly admits that in a way he himself has become just another aspect of endless war, and that he is willing to leave Cybertron forever in the hopes that its society will be able to restructure itself peacefully without him. As Optimus prepares for his departure, Rodimus and Bumblebee continue to disagree over the wisdom of manning an expedition to seek out the Knights of Cybertron and, in the end, decide to split their forces, with some Autobots going on the quest and others remaining behind to try to rebuild. Optimus Prime's last act among his old cohorts is to leave the empty halves of the Matrix shell in their hands.

On his lonely flight away from Cybertron, destined for parts unknown, the former leader of the Autobots reflects on how, for the first time in eons, he is no longer responsible for anyone else's life or death. At last, he feels free. Optimus Prime is dead; Orion Pax has been reborn.

(https://tfwiki.net/wiki/Transformers:_The_Death_of_Optimus_Prime)

Fan Art: Optimus Prime by ActinohPoto (why are people so goddamned talented? *cries forever*)

Accompanying Podcast: ● Married with Comics: Rod Pod - episode 01

[if-you-fan-a-fire]

“Joy-Rider’s Journey Ended Against Tree,” Toronto Star. February 24, 1932. Page 2. ---- Frank Shanahan Ordered to Find Money for Restitution --- Well dressed, looking serious and responsible, F. Shanahan, defended by W. K. Murphy, K.C., pleaded not guilty in police court to-day to automobile theft, but volunteered to plead guilty to joy-riding and reckless driving.

Constable Lee (350), narrated how Shanahan had taken an automobile from an Imperial Oil station at Oriole Parkway, had driven it away, sideswiped another car, broke off a hydro pole, and had ultimately come to rest against a tree.

Damage to the car was assessed at $500, both fenders and a wheel showing signs of a test which would have severely tried the resources of a tank.

‘I wish he had taken a cheaper car,’ said Mr. Murphy plaintively.

‘About these damages,’ said Magistrate Browne; ‘when are these owners going to be compensated?’

Mr. Murphy said accused was married and had three children and earned $29 a week. It would take a long time to pay, but the cash would be ultimately forthcoming.

‘It is a wonderful thing how they find the money when they go down to jail,’ remarked the bench.

Mr. Murphy hastily pleaded for an enlargement and the bench remanded the accused till March 24 for sentences, advising that all damages be settled in the interim.

‘Bail will be $1,000,’ added his worship.

This sum was immediately forthcoming.

Shot in Phone Booth Prominent by consent, since no conviction was registered, was the disposition of the case of Ernest Begley, charged as a vagrant and said to have been loitering in pool rooms and mingling with men of doubtful character. Accused’s mother testified on his behalf.

Parry Minsham, already on probation, was said to have entered a drug store and to have remained 45 minutes in a telephone booth. A search by the police disclosed the fact that he had no funds for even a brief conversation. Accused said the the druggist was a friend of his and that, feeling unwell, he had gone in the booth to rest and sleep. Magistrate Tinker recalled instances of young men staying in telephone booths till after closing hours with disastrous results to the druggist’s stock. His worship ordered the probation to continue.

Fined For Begging James Williams, charged as a vagrant, pleaded guilty to begging and was fined $10 or 10 days. James White, similarly charged, was remanded for sentence, a brother-in-law taking charge of him.

Tire Thieves Sent Down Sixty days in jail apiece was the sentence upon Joseph Farm and William Brough, convicted of stealing automobile tires and rims, which were recovered by the police. Truthful answers which assisted in this recovery, influenced the bench toward a light sentence. The crown said both boys had records.

Bottle Wished on Him ‘It was given to me, wished on me,’ said John Anderson, charged with B.L.C.A. and reckless driving, in reference to a bottle found in his car after the exhibition of automobile .... which resulted in his arrest on the reckless driving charge. Anderson was fined $25 and costs of 3 days. His worship cancelled the permit to drive for 60 days. The B.L.C.A. charge was withdrawn.

Frank Kocileinski, who sold a bottle of alcohol to an operator, and pleaded guilty to B.L.C.A., was sent to jail for two months.

Robbed Good Samaritan Bertram Wilcocks, a bedraggled looking youth, pleading guilty to stealing a pocket book and $15 in money from a friend who had given him a room. The explanation was that wine had clouded his judgement. The magistrate remanded accused in custody till February 29 for sentence.

Story Begets Sympathy Magistrate Browne showed practical sympathy for William Harvey, charged under the joyriding section with taking two automobiles without the owners’ consent.

Harvey explained he had had a hard struggle to live since liberated from jail a year ago. He had secured a job as a truck driver and then had been unable to get a license from the city.

‘I tramped around the city hall trying to get a license to drive and earn my living, till I was desperate. All I got was refusals,’ stated accused.

‘I am going to give you a real chance,’ decided his worship. ‘You will be placed on suspended sentence on probation for the next two years. Remember this is the chance of your life.’

‘I more than appreciate that, sir.’

‘You know what will happen to you if you come back?’ ‘Kingston penitentiary.’

‘Yes, that is a promise, too.’

[phdcedotcom]

The Cost of Justice

“For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil, and by craving it some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pains.” -1 Timothy 6:10

Before you sideswipe your keyboard with your mouse after reading a Bible verse, pump the brakes and hear me out. Yes, I am a follower of Jeeesus (Southern Baptist emphasis added), but the point to be made here is not one centered on theology. The point here to be made is one that is plaguing our society to the point that the most ardent atheist would have a difficult time denying. That is, if they looked at the world objectively and were truly….TRULY… honest about the reality of what we are all witnessing together.

The catalyst of this discussion was a podcast I listened to recently. To be more accurate, I have listened to this podcast multiple times. I will not mention their names out of courtesy because they are not here to defend their views. There is no doubt that what I took away from the podcast was most likely not the intention of the host and the guest. But the world and its history has been replete with unintended consequences.

The podcast in question centered around issues pertaining to the death penalty. This led me down Memory Lane and my time as an undergraduate student… then a graduate student… then a PhD candidate. If you want to be ostracized in modern Criminology programs, support the death penalty. That is especially true at the doctoral level. And then, my dear friends, comes the job interview amongst your “peers.”

I’ll go ahead and let the cat out of the bag. I don’t support the electric chair. I do support the electric couch. Let justice be served three at a time.

I’ll give you a few seconds to wipe your drink off of your screen…..

A running joke in American courthouses revolves around the desire for justice. Many lawyers will jokingly then ask how much you can afford. The problem is they aren’t joking. This is true in civil and criminal courts. During my 47 trips around the sun, I have had the misfortune of having to hire an attorney twice. The first time it financially devastated me and I still came out of that situation with a rectum the size of the Chesapeake Tunnel. We look at money on the front end of the spectrum in American justice without even realizing that we also do it on the tail end of the argument as well.

I recall a professor whom I deeply admired relating once that on average, it cost $8 million to execute a person in America. By the time we tallied up investigation and prosecution costs, the cost of confinement, and the resulting appeals process that would in many cases be paid by the taxpayer on behalf of an indigent defendant, the final bill tallied up to around $8 million. These numbers that I am recalling were related by a professor I had in the early 1990s. Imagine what that cost is today.

Alongside the argument of the death penalty come very real concerns about racial, social, and economic inequality. Black people, it is reported, are sentenced to the ultimate punishment at much higher rates than their neighbors of other ethnic makeups we are told. In modern parlance, they are sentenced at a disproportionate rate considering their statistical makeup of the total population coupled with the similar circumstances of their crimes. True? False? I have my opinions, but that is for another day.

We have a very real problem in America, and it centers on that nugget of wisdom that served as a prelude for our discussion tonight. America has a love of money problem, and it has allowed evil to flourish. Everything we do, especially when it relates to our government, has a cost/benefit analysis. We look at the cost of housing inmates on death row, how much it costs to investigate their crimes, and how much it will eventually cost to hear their appeals. Indeed, it does cost money. I would ask you though to think about something that is missing in this discussion, and it has nothing to do with costs. It has nothing to do with the idea of specific or general deterrence. It has nothing to do, surprisingly, with “justice,” whatever that may mean to you individually. So, what is missing?

It’s rather simple, actually. Is the death penalty, in appropriate cases, a punishment that fits the crime? Put another way, is it the right thing to do?

We are focusing on the wrong things. We have no issue with spending trillions of dollars stationing soldiers on foreign soil under the misguided notion of protecting the “Homeland,” even though the mastermind behind the attacks of 9/11 was brought to justice by a team of Navy SEALs. Ironically, the death penalty in this case was looked on as a form of heroism devoid of any discussion of profit and loss. Yet, when our own citizens slaughter one another, thus leaving a trail of destruction for generations, only then do we take into account how much of a chunk of Joe Nebraska’s paycheck will it impact. In other words, as long as we are killing foreigners for the same crime, money isn’t an issue.

In 1998, I had a rather unique experience. I stood in the gas chamber in North Carolina’s Central Prison, also known as the Big House, weeks after Ricky Lee Sanderson was executed. He would be the last convicted murderer to meet his demise by the gas chamber. It was a surreal experience. A small metal kneeling bench restrained the inmate. The angle of the kneeling bench forced his face into a bowl. Inside the bowl would be acid that would be mixed with cyanide, producing a poisonous gas. Admittedly, the death was excruciating.

Is the death penalty the right thing to do, despite the cost? Let’s ask the family of Hazel Alexander, a church secretary that was butchered inside a Lutheran Church in rural North Carolina as she prepared for choir practice. If you haven’t heard of this case, do not fret. It occurred in 1977, during supposed simpler times.

Is the death penalty the right thing to do, despite the cost? Does the punishment fit the crime? Let’s ask the family of Michael Craig Walser. I recall this case vividly because I was the Magistrate on duty that set in motion the legal travels of his killer, Stanley Earl Corbett. Walser, a small-time marijuana peddler, was shot inside his home by Corbett and his accomplices. As Walser lie bleeding to death, laughter erupted as they exclaimed: “Look at that fat mother fucker bleed!” Corbett did not receive the death penalty in lieu of life imprisonment without the possibility of parole.

You see, not everything of value has a price tag. No system of government or justice has ever been perfect, nor will any system concocted by the flawed human be foolproof. I will concede that errors of fact have been made in death penalty cases. But in cases in which the evidence is presented allowing a reasonable person to deduce guilt with a clear conscience, at what price does this come?

Our society has devolved to a level of savagery, and it is not by accident. When everything becomes an issue of cost and value from a monetary perspective, individual and collective morals have been deprived of their rightful place in a civilized society.

Lady Justice is a liar. She is blindfolded, and she holds her scales. But I’m willing to bet that underneath her flowing robe is a garter belt overflowing with dollar bills. What Lady Justice does not see, that she should, are the tears of those left behind. What Lady Justice refuses to acknowledge are those that stand over the graves of their loved ones who left this world by the hands of those whom now have a price tag placed on their existence.  

Can you place a price on morality? Can you place a price on virtue? Absolutely, in America that is being done as we speak, and we are reaping what we are sowing.

“You must show no pity; life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, and foot for foot.” -Deuteronomy 19:21

Find me.

-PhDCE

www.phdce.com

[theultrablog]

Table Stories #1: Paranoia, Grenades

I started this blog because I have a 6+ year archive of games I’ve written up here. Expect them every Wednesday around noon PST. So this week* (in 2012), I decided to run a Paranoia adventure. I pre-generated sheets, bought some d20s, and thought up a few adventure hooks. I also created secret mission objectives. The ostensible mission was to test drive Andy-Roid, the Stealth Car. 2 of the six players were (secretly) tasked with stealing it, two with protecting it, and two with destroying it. Our players were Jean Jeany (Happiness Officer) Melvin (Loyalty Officer, first timer and player of the game. Female.) Frgh (also Loyalty) not his first time playing Paranoia) Name-Not-Found (Team leader, devious nuclear engineer & MF'er) Lee (Equipment, faded into background) Patron (Team Leader, Hygiene, master of disguise). Now, because I was having trouble gathering 6 people, I had to rewrite the secret missions. Everyone had to kill at least one other player and protect one other. All I had really planned out was "A loop-de-Loop, and general Test-Track style shenanigans." I also scribbled down "commies on horses." That was it.

Tips for future Paranoia GMs:

Give your players grenades. They may not use mutant powers, they may not get their character sheets at first, but God-damn if they don't appreciate how to use a grenade. Put them on the spot. It works for debriefing, but it also works for R&D. I decided I wanted to have an old fashioned net-gun in the party. I asked someone for an adjective, then another one for an adjective. I got "Boring" and "red hot". I then gave the equipment officer a burning, hole-creating net gun. Because of the constant switching of # of players, I got some odd situations: For example, N-N-F has to kill Mel, who is trying to protect him. Once the players got to the car, I asked them where they wanted to sit. Everyone fought for shotgun, leading to two people playing grenade hot potato. They both lost, and their next clones fought over the seat, hand to hand. Melvin had the special skill "Spit & Duct Tape", which she used to duct tape herself to the bumper of Andy-Roid. N-N-F immediately threw the car into reverse, smashing it against the back wall of the garage and nearly killing Mel. This infuriated the car, who used his ejection seat, sending N-N-F into the roof of the garage.

(This led to the start of a feud that lasted all session; who's actually driving the self-driving car?)

Jean-Jeany, obsessed with pills, took the seat. He peeled away, leaving N-N-F on the roof and Mel on the bumper. Before the Loop-De-Loop, NNF jumped off and tackled Mel. They both slid off, injuring each other further, before J-J looped around...and tried to run them both over. This was only fueled by Mel using empathy. In an amazing bit of roleplaying, she appealed to the better nature of a speeding automobile. This led to Andy-Roid ejecting Jean Jeany. The second test for the car was the Heat Room. What's a pleasant heat test to an automobile, though, is searingly hot death to troubleshooters. They surprised me by: *Turning on the air conditioning *Fighting over where the vents are And then *Using a mutant EMP blast to disable the car. Unfortunately for the EMP blaster (N-N-F), it also disabled the heat lamps, and everyone survived. Eventually, they were able to jump-start the car and move on to the second test, the winding desert canyons. This is when things started to go off the rails and become classic Paranoia. Figh decides to take a grenade, take out the pin, and leave it in the car. He exits. N-N-F escapes the car, and shoots it with a boring red-hot net gun, doing some severe damage. Lee tries to kick it, but fails. Patron is able to kick it. The car is safe (for now). The group is then attacked by Commie Mutants on horses! The driver sideswipes a horse. The riders decide it'll be much easier to attack the people on foot. Frgh steals a horse. The other two are slain by cattlemen. After the canyon, the group approaches a shady neighborhood. (Frgh, trying to catch up to them on a horse, while getting ragged on by the population, was an awesome scene). They all turn on each other, try and frag each other, and Andy Roid has had enough. He's looking for a chop shop. The group make it to the chop shop and immediately start fucking around. One imitates a mechanic (in order to pay for the repairs). NNF hacks the ATM. Mel hacks the ATM, only to find out it's empty! NNF keeps the receipt and later tries to frame Mel. For the time being, he found a vat of radioactive waste and poured it, gatorade style, on Mel. The group was able to pay off the mechanic, and fled in the car. One teleported in, and the rest stole motorcycles. (One disguised himself as another mechanic, then used his touch-of-death mutation to keep the entire thing a secret). Andy-Roid then went to the drive through, where Mel tried to poison Figh with an arsenic laced milkshake. Unfortunately, Lee requested the milkshake, drank it, and died. Someone (probably Figh) planted a second grenade in the car, killing everyone but himself, and thoroughly wounding himself. He had succeeded in stealing the car, and drove himself to the hospital. Andy Roid demanded to be taken to the DMV, since he forgot to self-register. Later on, Mel was sneaking into the DMV, and N-N-F followed her to the bathroom. He used outdoor life to create a vine-trap, which Mel fell for. Unfortunately, she was so slippery from the toxic waste that she slipped out, N-N-F tried to spit into her eyes. I decided to do something I've never done before: Get others involved in PC stakes. Specifically, by "blind betting." I said that Mel and N-N-F were in a contest, and who was spending for whom? I think I got 20 perversity points, with a net -2 going to N-N-F, making him fail. When Mel refused to shoot him point blank, I declared her Morally Superior and refused to let N-N-F continue attacking her in that instance. Meanwhile, Patron dressed as a DMV worker to expedite paperwork. At the hospital, Frgh was getting himself patched up when the rest of the team blundered in. Frgh hid under a sheet. Mel disguised herself as a nurse and gave Frgh a poison injection, soon smothering him with a pillow. N-N-F created a bomb out of medical waste, hid it in the ER, and called all nurses in before detonating it. One of the best kills of the game. Figh's next clone stole the car, with Patron as an accomplice. I wrapped up the mission with them headed toward a checkered finish line...that was above their clearance. Figh activated stealth mode, and got it to work. At debriefing, everyone turned on everyone. People planted evidence and N-N-F, who had done very well, put his foot in his mouth enough for two executions. Everyone revealed their skullduggery and Mel was voted player of the game. I converted four non-RPG players to the game and am gonna run something again next week.