#leos gonna be so happy to have her tia’s around

[guckies]

A girl’s neighbourhood + foolish !!!!

[milky-teaway]

Questions for your fic "I'll have to drive through those gale force winds": 8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it? 9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic? 11: What do you like best about this fic? Thanks in advance. :)

Hi there, you don’t know how ecstatic I was to see your question about the fanfiction, tezlababe! Thank you for the ask, I’ll try not to ramble!

Did Any Real People or Events Inspire Any Part of it?

YES, most of the original characters are loosely based on people I’ve met before that left some impact on me. The strangest part was that I hadn’t realized it until I looked back on the way they are written into the story. I think that’s what makes writing the fic easier, because I can sort of scramble experiences with new imagined ideas together. For example, the character Tony is based on this guy that was sort of my friend in elementary school. He was always just a dick to me and a major follower. He regularly singled me out and teased me because I was the quiet girl in the group and had fun doing things solo, coincidentally much like Melise.

This is gonna sound weird, but I named the character Emla after this product for numbing the skin I had randomly found in my house. It’s literally called Emla, and I thought, wow, that’s kind of a cute name… Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking giving her that name, but ah whatever, its not so bad, I guess.

Leon, Jackson’s pitty forklift was based on an early name of Jackson Storm’s supposed ‘trainer’ (the name there was ‘Leo’ that appeared on his wikia page in the ally subcategory. I researched and found zero evidence of this character existing, so I just took him and turned him into a tech savvy sort of pit crew member for IGNTR instead. 

The biggest event that catalyzed the start of writing the story was how poorly Jackson Storm was developed in Cars 3. Even today, most of us barely know what kind of personality Jackson has below the surface past our fandom interpretations, so I wanted to explore that. I think it was exactly a day or week after watching the movie that I walked all the way to Chapters in the town over to buy the Storm Chasing book and get some basic personality to work with for beginning the fanfiction. Quickly, I figured out, yeah… this guy ain’t so bad, he’s a competent young adult with no direction of where to go. Jackson is basically a chill kind of car living in an era (now) where he must put in twice the effort with minimum rewards. He hates it and that’s his drive to push against mostly happy-go-lucky cars like Cruz and Lightning. Racing made his world complete, but that chill personality will always be there. Jackson loves the fame and fortune and knows his way around, nonetheless he’s established himself in adulthood already (a contrast to McQueen in the first film, hence Lightning’s immaturity) so he has no problem being a jerk because he’s got a reason; being tired of the cookie-cut ideals of modern culture. I honestly think Jackson is the kind of guy that likes creativity, individuality and unique aspects someone can bring to the table, it makes the boring world out there a little more bearable for him.

Were There Any Alternate Versions of This Fic?

 I will admit, I’ve been basically improvising every single chapter along the way, and I didn’t plan properly for the choice of making Melise take up modelling. It was purely improvised because I needed some sort of conflict to take the story forward in a way where she was affected by the photos of her and Jackson that allowed her to still maintain contact with him, I had no idea where to go, so I pulled the modelling idea out of nowhere. Here’s a little secret, the fanfiction was originally supposed to be about Melise befriending Jackson Storm and it would be purely platonic, she would basically show him how to not be a jerk. I quickly found that concept to be lacking because it didn’t create enough of a plot and it was just boring. Furthermore, Jackson Storm liking someone was a lot more interesting to write. I could explore his personality even more, which was the whole point of writing the story in the first place. 

I also had a list of names to choose from for my OC, and Melise was just one that I liked best. I had this idea once where she was going to be the younger non-twin sister of Mia and Tia, but it didn’t really stick either.

On another note, about a year ago, I wrote a now scrapped chapter where Jackson would randomly throw a family reunion party to basically brag about himself being legendary in the entire Storm family, and he would invite Melise along. Subsequently, I deleted the draft because it would be another side story with little connection to the main one between Jackson and Melise.

 I was going to include some more McQueen and friends  POV, but found that it– again, took away from the main plot. Also, there are tons of Lightning McQueen and Cruz Ramirez fics on FF.net. so I opted out of the idea… I just find Jackson more interesting and realistic, plus there aren’t much Jackson Storm fics out there, so win-win. 

What Do You Like Best About The Fic?

I love that so many people like the story! Seriously, it means so much to me to be able to write in my own personal way for you guys and to have people love genuine story telling. My favourite thing about the fic is how likeable, yet full on jerk I’ve managed to write Jackson Storm and the simple yet captivating story thus far with what i consider realistic and relatable characters. I love the art, especially the digital artwork FeDrawsStuff made of Melise, and how active the fandom is in helping me with art and just chatting away random ideas for fics or headcanons. Its fantastic to engage with so many positive people daily. Love Y’all!

[eclectic-snowwitch]

A Real Family of Witches 🧹🧹🧹🧹🧹

So, this summer (as a graduation present), I’ve come to Ecuador & Argentina to meet the family I’ve got over there. And, what I have come to discover is that I descend from true and powerful witches.

My abuelo jokes around and acuses my mom of flying around on a Broom and being insane but I’ve come to find out (NOW) that he, himself, is a witch. My abuelo is extremely intuitive and slightly claircognicent which tbh I never realized before. He had a feeling my cousin failed his classes before he even told me (or anyone) it happened and he predicted the pregnancy of my cousins girlfriend three weeks before she made the pregnancy announcement.

My Tia Cacho (Abuelo’s Sister) is also clairvoyant. She dreams these weird dreams and then by self-interpretation, she can predict the future. She once dreamt of two brides looking at each other and giggling (with ominous music in the background) and interpreted such as a bad omen. The next day her neighbor got hit by a car and passed away.

Then, I come to Argentina and find out my cousin Lolita is also a witch. She is clairaudient, clairvoyant, and clairsentient. She’s a pediatric doctor and she says that she sees and communicates with a lot of her patients that have passed. She’s also extemely intuitive and an empath. Insane!

Her sister (my cousin Alexita) is extremely intelligent and after having a long conversation with her about Astrology... I have a strong feeling she’s gonna start studying it and probably master it before I do.

My other cousin (Eliana, the witch with the magick love candle) is also a full blown witch. She’s got a familiar (a black cat who legit followed her home) and devoted her time and energy into her craft (a reall full blown witch)

And what’s more - here are other witches in my family

My mom (Psychic, clairaudient, Clairsentient, clairvoyant & claircognicent, Reiki Healer, Tarot Reader, Numerologist, Empath)

My Abuela (Intuitive)

My cousin Shirley (Astrologist, Ability to communicate and understand dogs, clairvoyant, Clairsentient)

My cousin Michelito (Clairaudient, Clairvoyant, Clairsentient)

My cousin Andres (Highly Intuitive, Empath, Clairaudient, Natural Born Healer)

My cousin Daniela (Clairaudient, Empath, Clairsentient)

My Tia Irene (Empath)

My Tio Leo (Natural Born Healer, Enchanting, Clairsentient)

My cousin David (Devoloping Clairsentient, Clairaudient)

My cousin Lauren (Developing Astrologist)

My baby cousin Rylie (Not sure yet but we know she’s a witchling because she grabs my amethyst necklace and stares without wanting to eat it)

I swear, I’m so immensely happy to have learned and realized that I’m not the only one in my family who’s received gifts and blessings from the universe. I practically came out as a witch to my Abuelo and it was no big deal. I love my family and I’m legitimately so happy. Although not all of them may IDENTIFY as witches, my family and I are all people born full of magick.

[thebachrehash]

I don’t mind being assertive, I’m a Wilhelmina model

Ladies and gents, it’s time for the prerequisite “Shout the Bach’s name from the balcony” intro.  “Becaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!”

We immediately jump in with the always charming Chris Harrison handing out the first group date card reading, “Ready for my big day.”

Clay, Nick, Chris, David, Jean Blanc, Jordan, Connor, and Lincoln cheese grin their way to meet Becca at a mansion with her in a (gorg) white dress.  She let’s them know that she wants to pamper the men like she was on her first date with Arie... because that went well.  The men drop trou and Becca is officially ready to get back in the game.  She calls Lincoln a block of muscle.  Jordan, while doing the “pensive”, let’s her know that he is a male model, and that the largest tip he could give her any day is to put the confidence on in the morning before her panty hose.  Not sure who’s wearing panty hose these days (besides my mom - hi, Kath!), but now we know.

The men roll out in their tuxes, to the poor man’s version of a Survivor obstacle course and are greeted by the poor man’s version of Ashton and Mila - Rachel and “not-Peter”, Bryan.  They’re there to help host “Groomsday”, and they warn they will have to get dirtay.

In order to see if the men have what it takes to be marriage material, they will go through a strange obstacle course complete with standing in a cold tub of water and eating cake without their hands.  Rachel (dirty, dirty girl) shouts it’s important to see, “what that mouth do.”  Connor gets the largest kick out of it, as he sends it to Barstool.

Lincoln is in it to win it to reach his “beautiful princess” Becca.  He is cheating.  He is cheating blatantly.  But, there are no rule keepers, this is the f’ing Bach.  Well, there are no rule keepers except for tattle tale Chris who knows that he got in the bucket after him and left before him.

In a really messy battle for the finishline, Lincoln beats out Chicken David.  He gets to plant a kiss on Becca and they take their wedding day picture.  Seems innocent enough.  If only it was.

Chris Harrison let’s them all know that EVERYONE will be able to attend the rest of the group date.  Ya hear that Krystal.

So the men all convene at a round couch, and Lincoln steals his “wife” immediately as they “just got married”.  He says something like, “she would only get the best from him when she gives her best and that makes them the best and he wants nothing more for her than the best.”  Becca goes, “Hmmm, well that’s nice, I have something for you.”  Thinking it’s the rose, Lincoln sits up all ready for Santa to come down the chimney.  Instead, Becca brings a photo from their wedding day.  It’s cute and Lincoln is very excited.

Lincoln returns to the men a smitten kitten and shares something about unicorns and Pegasus and a pot of gold, and prominently displays his prized possession, his photo of the two of them.

Connor is NOT having this.  He thinks it’s a slap in the face that he would put this picture out.  Bro, needs to chill a bit, but Lincoln is weird and being extra,

Meanwhile, Becca is bonding with the men.  

Chris woos her in telling her that he wants to treat her the way he treats his mom and sister.  David wants to be pushed intellectually and she couldn’t agree more.  Clay is here for her and he wants her to get to know the real him.  

Back at the couch, Lincoln is now kissing the picture of him and Becca.  Connor throws it.  Lincoln picks it up.  Connor finally opens the door and frisbees it into the pool.

Lincoln, just a little dramatically, proclaims that his heart is broken.  He starts to tear up, he was looking forward to sharing this with his mom.  Picturegate has begun.

Back in the private lounge our Jean Blanc must be spraying some special, soothing scents onto Miss Becca.  He lets her know that she is the missing part of his life and that she makes him feel so special.  He takes all the courage from his ck one spritz, and tells her the only thing more beautiful than her smile is her lips.  They smooch.  

Before Becca can make it back to the other men, she is stopped by Lincoln.  He lets her know that, not only did he lose his beloved picture, but he feels threatened physically.  what.is.going.on

Becca pulls Connor aside on what has become a date in a pre-school.  She is over it.  She wonders if Connor is a roid-rager slash if this is his regular reaction.  He agrees that it was way over the top.  She said she’ll take some time to think about it, but it’s probably not the best time to get to know one another.

Becca gathers them all together and says it had definitely been an interesting and revealing night.  Jean Blanc gets the group date rose.  He tells her to pin it on the leather, “he don’t even care.”  He’s so excited, it’s v. cute.

It’s time for Blake’s one on one date.

He’s pumped that he gets to roll out in a limo instead of on an ox.  Small pleasures.

Becca fills him in that she has no idea what they’ll be doing as Chris Harrison planned this one.  They get to the area that is a “little run down” and see Chris with a sledgehammer waiting for them.  They’re asked to put on little work jumpers (Becca’s complete with a belt from Charming Charlie), helmets and Tims.  Then, they’re both given their own sledgehammers.

They go inside and “TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?!” 

This is where everything from Arie’s season went to die.  Chris and, um what?!? Lil Jon let them know that they’re gonna get to destroy everything in the room.  Immediately Becca climbs that racecar and smashes in the windows.  This is FABULOUS.  

Carrie Underwood would be proud.

I have zero idea why Lil Jon is there, but am so VERY happy that Blake is a “huge fan of his”.  Sure you are Blakey boy.

The two of them proceed to make the whitest rap video ever, and Blake is so happy to see Becca so happy. I am cheese grinning my way through watching it.

Post wrecking crew, they sit down to dinner.  They’re ridiculously comfortable with each other for just the first date.  Blake shares his heartbreak over his most recent relationship where he thought he was with the one.  In positive news, he said it was worth it, because now he knows what he wants, and knows that he is capable of loving like that.  Becca empathizes. I am having a hard and fast therapy session with both of them.  Through the pain, they have found so much strength that they never knew was in there.  I’m not crying, you’re crying.

Blake clearly gets the rose, and states to the camera: “I have no idea how Arie let her go.”  I love him.

It’s time for the second group date of the week... “Love comes at you hard and fast.”  

Well it comes hard and fast, except for poor Jason and Mike who are the only dateless men of the week.

The men for Group date #2 (Alex, Christon, Colton, Garrett, John, Leo, Rickey, Ryan, Trent, and Wills), board a school bus and head to a gym where they are greeted with some fabulous, tyrannical child actors.

Becca, in her 24387948th metallic outfit of the season, informs that the men that they are going to be playing some good old-fashioned dodgeball.  But first, these children will warm them up a la suicides (can we call them that anymore?!?) and pelting them with 70 mph dodgeballs; all while calling them TRASHHHHHH and somehow still making fun of Arie.  These kids are amaze.

They get set for the game, and the team with Becca all make the wise choice to hide behind her.  However, Christon don’t give a F and proceeds to belt Becca a number of times.  Spoiler alert: this doesn’t work out well for him in the end.

The men and Becca then move on to skyzone, where they’re to play a large game of trampoline dodgeball in front of a v. confused crowd, Chris Harrison, and Fred Willard.  Why tho?

Poor, pretty haired Leo is flying through the air and is in all his stuntman glory.  However, the rest of his team, complete with a former pro football player, suck to high heavens.  He is continually the only man left standing.  After three rounds, the green team wins and gets a trophy.

In probably his only soundbite of the season, Alex snarkly asks if it’s cool to display the trophy to the pink team.  Somewhere back at the ranch, Lincoln is crying again.

Becca gets her alone time with the men.  Garrett and her dork out together, Leo gets a little romantical, and she compliments Wills style while he almost tears up talking about his parents’ 50th anniversary coming up.  They share a kiss, and I think he kind’ve gave her his varsity jacket.

But, it wouldn’t be a group date without a bombshell.  

Pretty boy Colton fesses up that he had a former relationship with Weiner, Arkansas Tia.  Becca is visibly shook and doesn’t really know what to think.  Did he come on the Bach hoping it would actually be Tia?  Is he a fame whore?  Is he a whore?

So many questions.

In the end, she gives the group date Rose to Wills and his uneven scruff.  He’s happy, and Colton is nervous he’s gonna get the boot.

It’s time for the cocktail hour, and Becca is trying to not question what the f is wrong with all of these dudes.  She said she’s a lot more emotional than she thought she would be.

Clay pulls her outside to show her how he would celebrate scoring a touchdown.  Somehow he makes this boring, but he does score a kiss.  Me, and all of America, can name at least 10 other tight ends we would rather see on this show right now.  I’m looking at you, Gronk.

Venmo John pulls her aside and they make out.  Connor puts his tail between his legs and gives her a picture of him.  It breaks the ice and i think they’re cool now.

Chicken David is having what seems like a decently lovely conversation when Jordan decides it’s time to parade around in his undies and a pink furry blankie.  Jordan interrupts and Becca is questioning Jordan.  Is this a joke?  

Post convo, Chicken David confronts Jordan and stutters when telling him he was being disingenuous.  Jordan chooses this time to not only correct him, but to inform David that he’s the one being in-genuine-titty.

For the record, Jordan would also like everyone to know that he doesn’t want to be misrepresented as 007 all the time.  He likes to live life on the edge, but while doing so he likes to have well kept hair.  He’s multi-dimensional.  He doesn’t mind being assertive, he is in FACT a Wilhelmina model.  And he’d like to think he’d score a little higher than a typical male model on “that” test.  

So, he wouldn’t light the cig at the gas station while sipping on his orange mocha frappuccino?  You be the judge.

Before handing out the roses, Becca lets Colton know that she needs more clarity before getting to know him further.  She has to think a bit.  Colton is scared he’s going home.  Obvs, he would NEVER, well not until we can get Tia to come on a date and make this some good tv.

At the rose ceremony we say good-bye to Alex (and that SUPER sad tearful good-bye), Christon (that’s what you get for pelting her with a dodgeball), Rickey and Trent.

Power Rankings

1 - Blake (+2) - Solid connection, I heart him

2 - Wills (+2) - There’s something there... he’s chill, and a fab dresser

3 - Garrett (-2) - Dropping for air time and his scandalous likes on the gram

4 - Jean Blanc (+9) - Coming in hot and smelling good too

5 - Chris (+10) - Coming back hot from being the tattle tale in Episode 1

6 - Leo (+6) - Thiiiiis close to getting the group date rose this week

7 - Colton (-5) - Bringing the drama with the Tia card, and yet still having a v-card?  There’s no way he’s going anywhere soon.

8 - Jason (+1) - No date, but played it calm and cool

9 - Lincoln (-3) - I mean, they got married, but I want him to go

10 - Jordan (+1) - Literally, NOTHING in common, but I’ll keep him for his confidence and commentary

11 - Clay (-4) - Yawning

12 - John (-2) - Cashed in on a make-out... I’m impressed

13 - David (-5) - He’s geeky, but trying

14 - Mike (+5) - Tim Riggins is due for some time next week

15 - Connor (+1) - picturegate is over?!?!

16 - Nick (+5) - Hanging in the background

17 - Ryan (-) - Get your banjo out and play it man!

[weedeyedhoney]

even if i don’t understand, you can talk to me....

how do you know when you like someone? someone that makes you feel feelings that your boy crushes don’t make you feel; a soft, sweet, tender feeling that can only be felt when i’m in the presence of her, her sarcastic dry sense of humor, and her body language that indicates that she’s letter her walls down, and rarley does that with anybody. we were supposed to head home and go our separate ways, but instead took a detour and ended up at the hookah lounge down the street from where we lived. she kept telling me, “i feel so out of my element. the moon is in cancer and i’m feeling so many things.” two months ago she didn’t believe in astrology, but after insisting that she downloaded co-star, the best astrology app like ever, her life hasn’t been the same since. “it’s okay” i reassure her. “it’s okay to feel things sometimes.” her capricorn sun wasn’t having it, but for the whole day she locked that bitxh up and began to let down her guard in front of me. we sat there for two hours, not a single moment of silence. i have to admit, when i first started getting to know her, i wasn’t sure that we’d end up being this close. but the more time i spend with her, the more we realize that we vibe so well together. she sits there and tells me about the boy she had a crush on in high school, and her old friend group from her freshmen year of college that totally fucked her over. i could listen to her talk for hours. there’s something about her that’s so captivating to me. on the outside, she seems distant and cold. but once you sit down and get to know her, you discover that she’s one of the softest people you’d ever meet. her cancer moon nodded. we pass the hookah thing around, and chuckle every time one of us takes a hit. ariana grande’s “no tears left to cry” plays in the background. “sooo uhh....” she starts, “are we gonna get addicted to nicotine?” i cough my hit out and start cracking up. we have yet to tell our friends about the time we bought and shared a pack of cigarettes for ourselves. but we agreed to keep that our little secret. “it’s just a phase mom!!!” i joke, and she laughs back at me. she continues her stories, and it’s as if we’re the only two people in the room. i found out so much about her tonight. she kept telling me how she usually keeps things to herself, but was glad to finally sit down and tell someone about these memories she’s kept priviate. her capricorn venus nodded. i feel so honored and appreciative that I’M the one she spilled her life story of the past two years to. like, ME. ME!

i feel like i’m finally coming to terms with my sexuality. i mean, i may seem loud and proud about it, but i’ve struggled so much this internalized homophobia that’s been instilled in me since i was a child. i just need to feel this out. even if i never tell her how i feel, i need to recognize that i do indeed have a crush on her, and just.... go with it. i know who i am. i know what i want. it’s just practicing that in real life is what gives me this anxiety. will i ever push through it? i don’t know. i think to the last guy i dated, and how i remember telling myself “you’re gay karis, why are you doing this?” but staying in this relationship that didn’t make me happy. i think about this current guy i have a crush on too, and how i always tell myself in the back of my mind “yeah i like him, and it would be cool if we got together but i genuinely don’t see myself with him long term.” and then it has me thinking. i’m definitely not straight, and i would consider pansexual if i had to put a label on it, but could i see myself with a man for the rest of my life? i don’t know. in theory, it seems like a good idea, i guess. i mean, it would make everybody (my family) happy. i’d give my parents grandchildren, and i’d never have to come out to my dad. it would reassure all my tias that this era in my life was “just a phase” and if i DID find a man to make me happy, i wouldn’t be unhappy..... right? right?? i don’t know. i don’t know if i see that heteronormative future for myself. i don’t know. my first love was with a boy, and i did, i loved him so much. but even in that relationship, i still felt like he was holding me back from something, could this be that something? i don’t know. i also feel like since my first love was with a boy, i’ve been subconsciously trying to recreate that, but i know i could recreate something like that, ever again.

2:07 hits and the guy working comes up to us and says “hey just to let y’all know, we close at 2:00.” her and i stare at each other before taking 2 more hits each, and grabbing our stuff to leave. my heart and head feel light (slightly becuase of the hookah, but mostly becuase i’m with her) and we begin to walk home. she starts describing how she’s gonna go home and cook this meat she has and i’m laughing because any time she describes anything, she becomes animated and lively, and her sense of humor always adds a nice touch to her storytelling. geez. even her describing something as simple as cooking is adorable. we make a trip to 7/11 and she contemplates on getting mashed potatoes or cereal before choosing the cereal and checking out. i feel so comfortable when i’m with her. i feel at ease. tonight i’m going to fall asleep listening to Niall Horan’s “fire away” and think about how lucky i am to just have her as a friend. my venus in leo NODDED.

i’m so gay.

[thematrimonyhomie]

Fragile Egos, Literal Arie Bashing, and Dodegball Stuntin’

Happy Week 2 of The Bachelorette my reality TV loving friends!! 

This episode we begin with the men puttering around the mansion waiting for their first date card of the week. As we expected, it is a group date and 8 of the men are invited. They are greeted by Becca where she tells them they will be getting pampered today. They are fitted in tuxedos and given champagne. Jordan is in his element during this date. He wastes no time giving Becca fashion advice, showing men how to cat walk, and different facial expressions to use during a shoot. Of course this is when Becca drops the bombshell. She brings the men out to meet Rachel and Brian from last season of the Bachelorette and they explain that the men will be running an obstacle course designed to test their commitment to marriage. Stages of this course include “Ball and Chain”, “Cold Feet”, and “Getting Over your Exes”. Lincoln narrowly edges David to win the competition however many are suspicious about potential cheating. Lincoln may have jumped out of the cold water early and may have participated in a push during the final dash up the aisle.

Going into the cocktail party that night many of the men are already annoyed by Lincoln’s antics and buckle up fellas…it’s gonna get worse before it gets better. Lincoln is the first to steal Becca away and proceeds to overwhelm Becca with his energetic tone and body language. In my opinion, he is acting slightly aggressive and disingenuous but only time will tell. Becca gifts him a commemorative picture of them at the altar. They proceed to kiss with a lot of neck movement. (go back and rewatch if you don’t believe me. It is odd.) Lincoln returns back to the group and proceeds to be very humble and subtle about his gift….psych. He talks to this framed picture. He kisses it. He props it up on the table in front of everyone. When someone puts it down so the others don’t have to look at it, he stands it back up. This whole ridiculous interaction proves that even grown ass men can act like children even with cameras surrounding them and the knowledge that this will all be broadcast nationally. Connor, the fitness coach (is personal trainer not good enough anymore?), finally has had enough. Instead of hiding it like a slightly insane person, Connor chucks the entire frame off of the balcony into the pool like a totally insane person. Lincoln proceeds to tattle to Becca who can’t even believe she has to deal with this shit on the first date (same girl, same). She pulls Connor aside and shames him like a stern parent. 

The one bright star on this date was Jean Blanc. He and Becca have a very nice conversation and share a kiss. Due to this and a lack of other suitable contenders, Jean Blanc is awarded the first group date rose. While this date concludes, the men receive a second date card back at the mansion. Blake is chosen for the first one-on-one date of the season. (Blake is definitely one of my early favorites although I do think he might be as bland as wonder bread). Becca picks up Blake the next morning for this mystery date. Chris Harrison meets the couple outside a abandoned warehouse holding a sledgehammer. He reveals they will be smashing the shit out of some stuff this afternoon. They put on their coveralls and work boots, grab their sledgehammers, and walk into a recreation of Becca and Arie’s breakup with the addition of Lil Jon. There is a racecar with his name on it, multiple TVs playing the proposal over and over, A RECREATION OF THE LITERAL ROOM HE BROKE UP WITH HER IN, homages to their dates on the show, etc. My first reaction, this is supremely cruel and if I was Becca I would not be chill. Second reaction, I would smash the shit out of these things but I would want to be alone so I could angry cry and scream while I do it not have to be composed and totally normal around this guy I am on a first date with. Third reaction, holy shit, is this Arie’s season or Becca’s cause I honestly cannot tell at this point. (Rochelle and I had the idea of a drinking game everything they mentioned Arie…didn’t realize that would result in death this episode.) Anyway, Becca in her styled coveralls and Blake begin to smash the shit out of her memories while Lil Jon serenaded them in the background. (Although Lil Jon made good TV, do you think it was awkward he was there? Just throwing out random comments while they were on this date?) 

Once they have proceeded to wreck all things Arie, Blake and Becca meet up again for the “dinner” portion of the date. Blake opens up to Becca by explaining his previous break-up. After just a few months he said I love you to his ex and she responded in kind. Later that night while she was in the bathroom, he read a text from her friend asking if she had broken up with him yet. Here’s the catch: he was able to read this text because HER TEXT PREVIEW WAS ON. WHAT KIND OF TRUSTING, OPEN PSYCHO LEAVES THEIR PREVIEW ON. MESSAGE ME YOUR THOUGHTS: anyone else trusting enough to leave their text preview on? I used to talk way too much shit to do that and now I can never go back. Anyway, that is Blake’s emotional story to endear him to the audience and Bachelorette. His point was he knows he can fall fast and does not anticipate having a problem with the speed of this journey/process. 

While Becca and Blake were getting to know each other on a deeper level, the third and final date card arrived at the mansion. Ten men were listed which left Jason and Mike without dates this week. The following morning the ten men departed on a school bus. When they arrived, Becca greeted them wearing a white tank and a pair of space age silvery shorts (I was getting major Zenon vibes). She brought them into a school gym where they proceeded to be pelted with dodgeballs by three of the most intense sixth graders I have ever seen. These kids proceeded to run the men through drills including suicides and fast pitch (like 50 mph) dodgeball. At this point in the date, I would just be thanking my lucky stars that it wasn’t stripping like past seasons. After the men have been put through their paces, Becca tells them they will be participating in the Ultimate Bachelor Dodgeball Showdown in front of a massive crowd. Long story short: Leo single handedly kept the pink team from getting their asses kicked. However, the green team prevailed. After learning from the Krystal Drama from last season, both teams are invited to the cocktail party later. I’m gonna be real with you guys. At this point in the episode, I am a couple of glasses in and all of our attention is waning. Basically, Wills is awarded the date rose and Becca attempts to steal his floral bomber jacket. Colton also drops a “shocking secret” and tells Becca he dated her fellow Bachelor contestant, Tia, this past January. Becca doesn’t know how to respond especially since she is very attracted to him. 

Finally, we have made it to the prefunk to the rose ceremony. Becca spends quality time with many of the men. We see Clay teach her a touchdown celebration that ends with a kiss. (Just saying, I would be very down for a touchdown celebration where two NFL players kissed each other.) John, aka Venmo Dude, also received a kiss in the most shocking twist of the night. Is John suave???? 

Becca has 18 roses to give out. This caused Alex, Trent, and Rickey to be sent home. Alex straight up broke hearts around the nation with his tearful exit. The “next week on” looks marvelous. Becca/Production straight up invites Colton on a date that Tia is gonna be on. SAVAGE. I am already looking forward to it. ALERT: DUE TO A POTENTIAL GAME 5 NBA FINAL, NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE MAY BE PUSHED TO TUESDAY. KEEP A LOOK OUT. 

Podcasts I am listening to: Rob has a Podcast (Amy & Haley): I have yet to listen to this week’s episode but they never fail to make me laugh. They are also where I got the idea for the draft! (http://robhasawebsite.com/bachelorette-season-14-episode-2…/)

Bachelor Party (w/ Juliet Litman): This week Juliet and her guest discuss all the crazy antics from week 2 including Jordan’s comforting strip tease and all the boy drama. Additionally, they discuss Garrett’s instagram likes and Becca’s reactions. Super interesting listen. 10/10 recommend. (https://www.theringer.com/…/from-lincoln-to-garrett-the-bac…)

(Proofread by me and I am human not a grammar robot. However, all mistakes are mine alone.)