#let ed be a crybaby. i don’t even care i need it

[riddl3bird]

assuming ed is nearsighted, does this mean he had to use contacts here? and if yes did oswald help him do it, ed panicking and saying please please i’m just gonna use my glasses i hate this with a passion while oswald tried to calm him down and gently said just stay still and i’ll be done in a second and butch was in the other room waiting for them shouting guys we’re gonna be late and both ed (half crying) and oswald (angry because that made it worse) yelling shut up butch in response? i think yes. case closed

[keilemdarkmode]

crybaby

🚫contains themes of abuse, noncon/dubcon, yandere. 🚫

all characters aged 18+

(r18+)

pro hero! hitoshi shinsou x reader 

word count: 2.4k

you cry so pretty, all for him. 

a/n: hey y’all! please don’t read if this isn’t your cup of tea!!

this is my first (posted) story with like. dark themes. finally, i am able to filthily indulge my crying kink <3333 enjoy!!

warnings: yandere, spanking, dacryphilia, kidnapping, isolation, degradation, spanking, light pet play (collars and nicknames), light non-con

||||||||||||||||| 

You were so fucking pretty when you cried.

For him, anyway.

Just him.

If anyone other than Hitoshi dared to upset you to the point of tears, they would hardly be around much longer to tell about it.

No, Hitoshi took pride— hot, ego-boosting, revolting— pride in making you hiccup and wail to the point of a migraine once your tears had settled. Fuck toeing the line of pain and pleasure, he’d shove you over its jagged edge without a thought if it got you to tears.

If he was in a particularly cruel mood, he’d keep you sobbing for hours.

It never felt long enough for him, but he prided himself on knowing what limits of yours he could safely break without breaking you. The last thing he wanted was a lifeless doll, that would defeat the entire purpose of keeping you in the first place.

There were surely thousands of other tight cunts in the world that would fall all over the famed, underground hero ‘MindBreak’, but Hitoshi didn’t want any of them. He’d had a fangirl or two strung up in his bed during his early years of professional hero work, but it was always lackluster. Too many clawing, exaggerated moans and needy cuddling for his liking. He’d rather beat one out alone than pretend he enjoyed indulging a girl’s selfish fantasy.

Hitoshi had given up on ever finding a partner who would suit him just right.

Until he met you, of course.

...

A hostage situation, easily diffused with a handful of words in the twilight of a closing luxury shop, expensive purses and watches lining the walls.

It was far too simple for Hitoshi to bait the villains that dared to put you in harm's way.

When he first saw your tear-flushed cheeks, the barrel of a villain's handgun to your temple, Hitoshi knew he was beyond fucked.

His cock shouldn’t have twitched at the sight, yet it did. He was sporting a half-chub the entire mission, endlessly glad that his costume was baggy enough to hide it and that his voice modulator covered his hot, shamed cheeks.

When Hitoshi finally got to you, carefully checking you over for bumps and bruises, he let his hands linger. Any potential self-imposed disgust that bubbled in his throat died the second he felt your skin against his own.

He was hooked.

You thanked him, tearfully, over and over as he walked you to a waiting ambulance, rubbing at your eyes with the backs of your wrists. Hitoshi kept a firm hand on your lower back, quietly reassuring you that you were ‘safe, alright, protected—’

The last word might’ve been a bit much for a pro-hero to a civilian, but you were too busy sobbing to notice.

...

Hitoshi had to be subtle at first.

Showing up at your work, always bearing a coffee and a smile, talking to you like an old friend and not a near-stranger who kept too many tabs on you. You didn’t know about his behavior and Hitoshi was convinced you wouldn’t care either. You always grinned so sweetly from behind the counter, sipping the beverages he always treated you to.

Blissfully ignorant.

You were sweet, far-too innocent to notice how Hitoshi pushed and pulled you into the undertow of his fucked-up desires.

Maybe he was first disgusted with himself, for a small while, but he was quick to rationalize, easily mushing and tugging his own mind into a lull of lust and instinctual compliance.

You needed him, it was obvious. You needed a sweet man to kiss and blot your pretty tears away, keep you safe from the horrors of the world while he did so.

Hitoshi was happy to provide.

...

You fought him, of course, when he first brought you home.

He was careful not to push you in the beginning, letting you sputter and beg your lips dry and eyes red before even thinking about reacting. The kitten-kicks and punches you landed phase him in the slightest.

Hitoshi wasn’t delusional enough to think you wouldn’t need time to adjust to your new existence.

But, truly, giving you constantly neutral expressions hurt him too.

He wanted to scoop you up, kiss your pains away and keep you safe, like he knew he would. But, Hitoshi wasn’t an idiot. If he pushed you, there was no chance you’d ever trust him.

He had to be patient.

Hitoshi also knew that he should only use pain if he needed to. No need to punish your tears that he loved so, so much. It was only when you acted out that he ever would use force.

...

Such as the time you’d tried to pry off the pretty collar Hitoshi had made for you.

Sleek, black leather, a few o-rings, silver hardware and even a damn bell. The whole thing was even studier than it looked, a thin band of metal running between the layers of fabric, making it more than industrial grade. The last thing Hitoshi wanted was to snap the pretty present he'd even you— not to mention it had to stand up to the heavy links of chain that tethered you to the headboard of your silk-covered king-size bed.

See, he was even nice enough to let you have your own room while you settled.

Though you chose to spit on that kindness quickly.

He’d walked in to give you breakfast—  a warm, home-cooked meal, your favorite, when he found you, bloodied at the neck, as you had slipped a fork (you must’ve saved it from dinner the night prior) between the unyielding collar and the fragile, weak skin of your throat. Tears spilled down your chin and cheeks, frustration and rage so clear in your eyes.

Hitoshi had never truly been upset with you until then.

He felt his own face fall.

When you finally noticed him at the unbolted door, you chucked the bloody fork at him.

You missed by a mile.

What Hitoshi didn’t miss was every strike he laid the plump flesh of your ass that day.

With every strike, Hitoshi wondered why he hadn't bent you over his knee sooner. Maybe it was his early boundaries and need for some order in his own mind.

He loved you, he didn’t want to hurt you.

But now, you fucking deserved it—

And he’d take advantage of it.

He yanked the chain attached to your pretty collar, forcing your neck and spine to curl just right as he smacked his hand down against your bare ass yet again.

“Bad kittens don’t deserve to feel good, do they?” Hitoshi asked, knowing you wouldn’t be able to reply with anything other than fat tears. You’d already soaked the sheets below. Hitoshi had particularly reveled in getting to grind your cheeks into your own mess.

Part of him was tempted to take it a step farther.

He only teased you, though. A single finger trailing from your tight hole to your clit, smearing what little slick you provided (He made a mental note to purchase lube.) Through his touch, obliviously teasing, you had shuddered for him, squirming harder, trills of pleas dripping from your bitten lips, ‘please, no, no, I’m sorry— please, Hitoshi, please, don’t— ‘

Hitoshi didn’t, as much as he wanted to watch you sob while he broke your cunt with his fat fingers.

He had to be patient.

Instead, he settled for spanking you until your ass was bruised and battered. He didn’t even try to count his strikes, rather he stopped when he ran out of ways to verbally berate you.

“If you just listened, kitten, I wouldn’t have to do this,” Hitoshi tsked, shaking his head as he slapped at your upper thighs. “If you were a good girl, I wouldn’t have to spank this cute little ass, would I?”

You squirmed, wailing into the sheets. You’d already begged yourself silly for a reprieve, but Hitoshi didn’t care. Hitoshi didn’t want an apology.

He wanted to see you weep.

He wanted to see you millimeters from shattering, preferably with your tight, silky cunt around his cock. It was a goal he aspired to reach.

But first, you needed to be trained as a proper pet.

At the end of that first punishment, Hitoshi yanked you upright by your collar, back painfully arched as you panted, shaking and writhing in his grip.

Hitoshi forced your thighs around his own, relishing the fear that continued to spill from the wrinkles and lines around your eyes.

It got even cuter when he spit on your lips, harshly slapping your cheek, though tender enough to catch your jaw as you reel.

“So, what did my sweet kitty learn?” Hitoshi asked, watching the way your glassy eyes refocused on him. The tears on your cheeks had yet to slow or stop. Hitoshi wondered if he could get you to run yourself dry.

“T-that— t-that— “ You sniffled, wrists flexing in Hitoshi’s vice grip. “Um—”

Your eyes went blank, vacant.

It hurt some part of him, though it was buried quickly.

It was necessary.

Hitoshi squeezed your cheeks in one hand, cock twitching at the feeling of your precious tears wetting his hand, “Feel that, kitten? In your head— you know what this is? Answer honestly.”

You shook your head, slow and methodically.

“It’s my quirk. You’ll do anything I say without question.” Hitoshi massaged your slack cheeks, tightening his grip on your wrists. “Anything. Do you understand?”

You nodded.

Hitoshi didn’t want to use his quirk on you— no, he wanted to make you his handiwork, not the byproduct of his feared-quirk.

Still, it was a nice safety net.

“I’m going to release you, and then you’re going to tell me what you learned.” Hitoshi already started to let you go. “And, kitten, be quick about it. I wouldn’t want to keep you bent over for much longer, especially since you’ve already made such a mess.”

The moment his hold was fully released with his last words, your eyes went wide, body going rigid.

“Bad kittens don’t get to feel good!”

You panted it out, pain and panic having stripped your already raw mind bare.

Hitoshi was nice enough to sit with you as shakily ate your cold breakfast, praising you in the same breath as calling you a ‘disobedient cunt’ and an ‘ungrateful whore’.

It was cute to see the whiplash in your eyes.

...

You got better, under Hitoshi’s training.

It just took a bit of time and coaxing.

You cried a lot after that first punishment, flinching whenever Hitoshi got within a few feet.

Hitoshi’s response to this was simple—

Get you nice and needy.

He was the only person you saw anyways, so it wasn't a hard feat.  

A few crushed up sleeping pills into your dinner left you knocked out and pliant, though Hitoshi only tucked you into bed, allowing himself to even kiss your forehead as he got to work.

He removed all of the books and drawing paper he’d given you. All of your clothes sans three distinct, uncomfortably fitting outfits were removed from your closet.

Each bit and piece of stimulation Hitoshi could find, he stole away. Even the alarm clock at your bedside.

He even took away your towels, though graciously, he left behind your toothbrush and toothpaste. Hitoshi really patted himself on the back for his grace.

He left you to awaken only with a sheet on your bed and a sweet note from him on your bed.

Kitten,

Be a good girl.

Hitoshi (Master)

...

His plan worked wonderfully.

At first, you were still reluctant to get near him. Though it hardly mattered.

Hitoshi made a point to hardly speak or spend time with you when he would drop off your meals. He didn’t linger.

Though, he did make a point to praise you a single time, each day. Just a small, insignificant ‘good girl’ with dinner just before exiting to rebolt the door to your room.

He’d always wait in the nearby hallway, pulling out his phone to check the hidden cameras that dotted your room.

Typically, you would eat quietly, then tucking into yourself in your favorite corner of the room under your single sheet for the rest of the day. Maybe Hitoshi would have felt some remorse over your shivering, scared form if he doubted himself and his methods.

It wasn’t long before you started to crack.

You’d sniffle behind the door, rubbing at your eyes from the view of the cameras.

Quickly, you went from cries to sobs, then all-out wails.

The first time you screamed, something wretched and high, Hitoshi left you to beg and plead behind the door, as much as it pained him.

As cute as your begging was, he couldn’t deviate from his methods when he was so fucking close to his goal.

With a sly, curling grin, Hitoshi felt confident that the next time he graced you with his presence, you’d be wrapped around his finger.

...

You had become so well-trained.

Perfect, like Hitoshi always knew.

You’d taken to sitting on the floor as Hitoshi busied himself with the day’s paperwork. Some program droned on in the background, just white noise for the evening.

You’d been good that day, particularly good as Hitoshi ate your cunt like it was his last meal over the arm of the couch he was now sitting on.

He couldn’t count the amount of time you wept ‘thank you’ as Hitoshi drove you into a mess of snot and sobs.

After the fanfare, your body spent and tired, he’d given you some reprieve. Your cheek rested on his knee, eyes half-lidded, shoulders relaxed.

Softened, good and proper.

All for him.

You had your slipups, notably. Mistakes were human, weren’t they? You still jumped sometimes if Hitoshi got too loud. You’d shriek if he surprised you, in jest or otherwise. Still needed a lesson drilled into you once in awhile, but overall you were a very well-trained pet for him.

“Kitten?” Hitoshi hummed, not looking up from his papers. “Up on the couch. Head on my lap.”

You sweetly climbed up, the skirt you wore riding up against your thighs. Hitoshi watched your hand twitch to cover yourself, but quickly, you stilled.

That particular lesson had been hard for him to get through your dumb little skull, but eventually, finally, you understood that Hitoshi was the one who decided how much you bared and when.

Luckily, he was more fatigued than normal. He reached out to smooth your skirt flat, squeezing your thigh as he did.

You laid on him, so pliant and soft. Hitoshi absent-mindedly played with your hair, skirting his nails against the shell of your ear, cherishing the way you shivered against him.

It was moments like this that were his favorite.

You started sniffling.

Though your head was directed towards the TV, Hitoshi knew better than to think it was the show that triggered your tears.

No, it was just circumstantial.

Hitoshi enjoyed the soft moments. No fighting, no need to bruise and hollow out your mind, just you so sweetly curled up for him like the perfect kitten you were.

The tender moments are what made you cry so hard.

You slowly dissolved into ragged breaths, fisting the fabric of his joggers and burying your face in his thigh as you wept.

Hitoshi felt his dick twitch.  

He let you do this, despite knowing why you did. He felt no guilt as you shattered with sobs against him. You needed the catharsis of it, Hitoshi knew this and wouldn’t take that away from you.

He was just so gracious.

As was so routine, he dragged you up, wide hands positioning your thighs around his own. You sagged in his hold, half-limp and half-relieved by his contact. You settled on his lap just like he taught you, tucking into his neck with your hands bunching up the front of his shirt as you wept.

Deliciously hot tears seared Hitoshi so well that his eyes rolled back into his head. Though, he kept himself appearing unaffected, sorting through his paperwork all the same, though lightly rocking and cooing to you as he did.

His fucking crybaby was right where they belonged.

[threeletterslife]

Propinquity (Law of Seesaw)

→ [6/7] of the Glossary Series

→ summary: You first meet him on a seesaw. What a surprise, your relationship with him is exactly like that of a seesaw too—there are ceaseless ups and downs. So much so that you wonder when it’ll end. 

→ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader | PG-13

→ genre: 50% fluff, 33% angst, 17% crack | e2l!au

→ warnings: profanity, mean insults

→ wordcount: 9.2k

♫: Seesaw by BTS

You can't remember the last time you've gone a week without fighting.

There is always a new problem that arises. A new argument that is sparked from the depths of trivial problems. Then Yoongi stops talking to you for a day (or days if the fight is serious) and sleeps downstairs on the couch until he wants to crawl back to you and apologize. Other times, you're the one who has to drag yourself to your boyfriend's study with a plate of his favorite fruit and an apology in your head.

But it seems like the fighting never ends.

Now the bed feels cold. It is empty. Just like you.

You know that Yoongi's downstairs, either working with his new client (through the dead of the night) or already sleeping on the small couch. Though you're supposed to be mad at him, you worry. The couch isn't good for his already deteriorating posture. But you can't nag at him now. It'll result in more arguments.

When was the last time you and Yoongi didn't fight, though?

The correct answer is never.

From day one, you and Yoongi were destined enemies.

"Hi." You're a proud little child, standing up straight with your hands on your hips. A bit chubby and round in the middle but you flaunt the extra weight. "My mommy says I need to make friends before kindergarten starts."

"My mommy says not to talk to strangers." The young boy peeks at you through his shaggy black hair. He rocks the paint-nicked seesaw by himself, kicking his feet off the ground only to come back down with a light oof.

"I'm not a stranger," you scoff, crossing your hands over your chest. "Let me play on the seesaw!"

Yoongi doesn't even have time to answer because you're crawling up on the opposite side already. "H-Hey!" he yells but he's too late. The moment you innocently perch upon the seesaw, you’re slammed to the ground and Yoongi's lifted up high in the air.

Ah, the weight difference.

"GET ME OFF!" Yoongi screams. "GET ME OFF!!"

Your eyes turn wide. You hadn't meant to scare the boy. You thought everyone wanted to fly up in the air, and you were just granting the little boy's wish. In your head, you didn't even think of the possibility that Yoongi is afraid of heights. (Which was stupid of him to even try playing on the seesaw in the first place.)

"GET OFF!" Yoongi yells viciously at you. His face has turned a bright shade of pink and purple.

You think he looks like he's about to suffocate.

"I'M SORRY!" you shriek as you dive off the seesaw.

Yoongi lets out a high-pitched, ear-piercing scream as he subsequently flings off the seesaw. He lands on his butt several centimeters away from the rusty playground equipment and bursts out crying.

You gasp. Oh no. This was bad. Very, very bad. So you do the first thing that comes to your head: run away.

The boy's cries become louder and louder as you sprint in the opposite direction, but you grit your teeth and dash on. Eventually, your guilt for throwing off a boy from the playground seesaw dissipates when your mother buys you ice cream for lunch. Food is always the solution.

You have no idea that day you accidentally made a little boy cry was the day you met your future boyfriend. You just thought you met a crybaby coward.

And he thought he met the devil. If the devil was a chubby little girl with chipmunk cheeks and rolls on her arms.

You two had no idea you would meet again.

So far, the first day of kindergarten isn't going so great. All the other girls brought their barbies to class. You brought your stuffed animal snake—Mr. Slithers.

And now the other girls don't really like you. Because "snakes are icky!" Their words, not yours.

If they only knew this week was a rainforest theme in your head. Every day of the week, you would prepare to bring a new stuffed animal that lived in the rainforest. Today would be the green snake, then tomorrow, the tree frog and so on. But no one applauds your genius planning skills.

So you mope around for half of the day. The girls are playing princesses with their stupid barbies and they won't let you join because a snake cannot wear a ball gown.

You end up poking at the seesaw in the kindergarten playground. It's boring when there's no one else to sit on the other side. Mr. Slithers isn't heavy enough to seesaw with you either. You want your mommy.

"You!" a high-pitched voice shrieks.

Jumping, you whip your head around to see the little boy. No. The same little boy who you accidentally flung backward on the seesaw.

"Are you gonna throw me off the seesaw again?" he yells. For such a skinny little boy he has quite a loud voice.

"I didn't mean it!" you yell back.

"You need to apologize to me!"

"No!"

You run away again.

And just like a real big stupidhead, Yoongi tattletales on you to the kindergarten teacher, Mr. Kim. In your defense, you didn't even do anything to Yoongi at kindergarten, so Mr. Kim can't make you apologize to stupid Min Yoongi.

Mr. Kim agrees with your defense. But he doesn't approve of you using the word, stupid, so you have to apologize to Yoongi anyways. While you're positively livid, Yoongi is triumphant.

That is only the start of the rivalry.

In first grade, Yoongi calls you fat.

You aren't normally one to waste your time tattling to the adults, but Yoongi did it to you in kindergarten so it only feels right to get revenge. But apparently calling someone fat is much worse than calling someone stupid. Yoongi has to apologize to you and he has to sit in the time out corner. He also gets a call home so his parents are notified of his bad behavior.

In second grade, you start losing weight. Not because Yoongi called you fat. But because you figured you should start exercising to be as healthy as your gym rat parents. When you tell the second-grade class you want to become a football star and you've planned out your whole athletic pathway, Yoongi is the first one to rudely laugh at you. So you make sure to boo his presentation when he brags about writing a whole book by himself (it's called Dot Goes to School—pretty mediocre stuff). Both of you have your recess privileges taken away.

Staying in for recess with someone you absolutely despise is not worth the satisfaction you got from teasing them. So you and Yoongi become more discreet in your never-ending ways to spite each other.

In third grade, Yoongi calls you a stick during recess. He makes sure to say it loud enough so you can hear his insult but not as loud so the playground monitor doesn't hear. Sneaky brat. You turn to him with flashing eyes and tell him very upfrontly, "Says you."

The rivalry still exists in fourth grade, when both of you feel like you're too old to play on the playground. The seesaw incident is still ingrained in the backs of both of your heads, though. So even when you and Yoongi have your separate groups of friends, you still manage to be mean to each other.

For instance, the day before the annual fourth-grade square dance, you and your new group of friends spread a rumor that Yoongi has cooties. As a result, no one wants to be his partner the next day.

But then your partner, that brat, Park Jimin calls in sick on D-Day and so your plan backfires in your face. You dance with Yoongi. And now you have cooties too.

In fifth grade, girls are starting to talk about boys during recess. When the shy, cute Gayoung confesses her crush on Min Yoongi, you have to excuse yourself from the friend group. Instead, you go out on the fields to play soccer with the guys. Thankfully, cooties are 'for babies' in fifth grade, so you have free reign with the boys.

Park Jimin confesses he likes you in sixth grade. He tells you that you are pretty. But his confession was definitely not in your schedule. You're supposed to go to swim practice in five minutes. So you wave him off. Not because you hate him. But let's face it. The boy ditched you in fourth grade and you had to dance with Yoongi. Plus, now Jimin's Yoongi's friend. There is no way in hell you are going to butt noses with Yoongi's friend.

The whole grade goes in an uproar when they find out you rejected Jimin. You couldn't care less.

Seventh grade is weird. You finally get your period. And the new sex-ed class collectively makes everyone embarrassed. It also starts the influx of period jokes from yours truly, the boys. Whenever a girl is in a bad mood, the boys yell, "YOU MUST BE ON YOUR PERIOD!" You make note of every guy who says this. Then the second time they yell that to a poor girl, you hold up a tampon with ketchup on it. It shuts them up so well that all the girls in your grade start to carry around tampons and ketchup packets.

Surprisingly enough, Yoongi isn't part of the rowdy group of boys who make insulting period jokes. He's gotten much quieter over the years (middle school must've brought some sort of maturity on him), but he still finds ways to make your life miserable.

When there are rumors that Jimin will ask you out to the Halloween dance, you actually prepare to accept—maybe just to spite Yoongi. But turns out the whole rumor was a lie made up by the boy you despise. So you're rendered embarrassed.

In eighth grade, to your surprise, Gayoung asks Yoongi out. Of course, Yoongi would say yes. He knows you hate Gayoung. She had grown ample boobs and fit in with the popular girls who talked about boy bands and got dress-coded every day. You have no idea why such a popular girl would ask out a nerdy, rat-faced boy. But apparently, Yoongi is conventionally handsome. What a load of bullcrap.

It irks you even more when they become a revolutionary couple—the first time a girl has asked out a boy.

You make a bet with your friends that the couple won't last a week. Your wallet cries that year. You lose nearly ₩30,000.

By tenth grade, they are still dating.

You're starting to wonder if Yoongi somehow got his grubby hands on a love potion. There's just no way that whiny asshole can keep a girlfriend for that long. But according to your friend who is friends with the friends of the friends of Gayoung's friends, Yoongi is a good boyfriend. You want to gut yourself after hearing that.

Gayoung is always bragging about how Yoongi buys her flowers before class, and she makes sure everyone knows of this by posting pictures of the aromatic bouquets on Instagram. Yoongi often writes her little love poems and short stories, and though you're 100% sure Gayoung doesn't read them, she posts those online too. God, she is so annoying that you unfollow her. (You've blocked Yoongi's account a long time ago.)

For the most part, though, when hating Yoongi is not on your mind, your life is pretty normal. And you're definitely content. You and a sporty transfer student from America, Jungkook, have hit it off. It's fun taking him around everywhere to taste test all the convenience stores in Korea.

Until the day you catch Jimin and Gayoung lip-locking behind your favorite kimbap store. You and Jungkook look at each other with wide eyes. Before Jungkook can stop you, you snap a quick picture of the action and run away, tugging your friend along with you.

"Dude, you should delete that picture," Jungkook says for the billionth time.

"No can do," you tell him. "I'm sending it to Yoongi."

"To spite him?"

"Duh."

"Aren't you helping him by telling him his girlfriend is a cheater?" Jungkook challenges.

You squint. "You're actually right, Kook. Then I won't tell him."

"Isn't that a little bit too mean?"

"What??"

"I mean, they've been dating since eighth grade. It's been nearly two years, right?" Jungkook points out. "I think Yoongi deserves to know."

"Don't you dare!" you gasp.

"Sorry, Y/N," Jungkook shrugs. "It's just the right thing to do."

Two days later, Gayoung comes to school wearing not the school uniform but a short skirt and tight shirt. Her arm slings around Jimin, her apparent new boyfriend. Yoongi is nowhere to be seen.

Rumor travels around fast. And they're all accurate for the most part.

But it's not very satisfying to see Yoongi missing from all the action. The whole school day, you wonder where the fuck the boy is. Maybe he's crying his guts out. You've never experienced heartbreak before, so you're not sure if you have the right to say Yoongi necessarily deserves it. You can say though, that he had it coming. After all, all those years he teased you, he hadn't felt a single bit of remorse.

Sucks for him.

It's dark by the time you begin to walk home from school. You'd stayed late to brush up on your horrible chemistry skills so you wouldn't completely fail the final test. On the walk back, you notice the familiar playground. You'd grown up with that thing. But it's been a while since you've cared enough to stare at it.

Usually, the rusty old playground is empty. But today, a figure sits in the shadows. More specifically on the seesaw.

It brings back memories. That had been the same seesaw that had started your rivalry with Min Yoongi. And someone's sitting on it.

You squint, your curiosity getting the better of you as you creep towards the figure. Oh god. Once you see the outline of the person, you know this isn't going to be a very fun experience. Ew, you think. Gross.

But that's until it occurs to you that the person is crying.

Holding your breath, you walk closer to the crying boy. He's shaking, hands covering his face. The other side of the seesaw is up in the air.

He's crying about Gayoung, you realize.

You breathe out. "Need someone to sit down to fling you out again?"

Yoongi jumps. He hiccups. Then he quickly wipes away the tears streaming down his face. "Shut up."

You grin, sitting down on the other side of the seesaw. And this time, neither of you fling off. It is completely balanced.

"What are you doing here?" Yoongi croaks when he realizes you're not going to be leaving any time soon. He sniffles, but for the most part, he hides the fact that he'd been crying very expertly.

"I dunno." You shrug. "What are you doing here?" When there's a pause, you add, "I didn't see you in school."

"Oh, didn't know you cared."

"I don't."

"Figured."

"Did you break up with Gayoung?"

Yoongi laughs scornfully. "No. She broke up with me."

"Yikes, really?"

"What is your deal, Y/N?" Yoongi sighs. "Are you going to laugh in my face? Tell me I deserve this?"

"Not anymore..." you grumble. "Because now there's no element of surprise."

Yoongi rolls his eyes. "I reckon you spread the rumor?"

"...The rumor?"

"Yeah, the fucking rumor!" Yoongi shouts, throwing up his hands. "You're the one who told everyone Gayoung was cheating on me!"

"Woah, there! I didn't say anything about it!" you yell. "It's not my fault your ex decided to hook up with Jimin!"

"What??"

"Here! I have the fucking receipts!" You whip out your phone, aggressively swiping through your photos before landing on the exact one you were looking for. When you show Yoongi, his eyes turn wide but his posture deflates. He looks defeated.

"She actually cheated...?"

The way he says it with wide eyes and a slumped attitude makes you feel a tiny bit of pity. But the habit of being mean to Yoongi sticks.

"I'm not even surprised."

Yoongi glares at you.

"I mean," you say with an innocent shrug, "she's been eyeing other guys since you started dating her."

"I know..."

You are not about to show sympathy to Min Yoongi. You are not going to let down your guard. You are going to stay cold and emotionless—

"I'm... uh... I... er, I guess I'm sorry."

Yoongi lifts an eyebrow. "Why are you sorry?"

"Well, it just seemed like you really liked her—"

"Nah."

"Oh?"

"This is going to sound very stupid."

"Try me." You grin. "In my eyes, you always sound stupid. Remember? I got in trouble for calling you stupid in kindergarten."

Yoongi rolls his eyes. "How could I forget?" He grips the seesaw handles. "I don't think I've ever really liked Gayoung."

"Damn, this is tea," you gasp. "Why bother dating her for so long, then?"

"Ha!" Yoongi laughs. "Good question, Y/N. I don't know," he says sarcastically. "I was probably trying to piss you off. Didn't think it'd last that long."

"Oh??" You raise your eyebrows. "But didn't I just see you cry over Gayoung?"

"Er—"

You definitely caught him in a lie. Though it's dark, you can imagine Yoongi flushing a bright shade of pink—he does that when he's guilty. Not that you cared enough to notice over the years.

"It's okay she's with Jimin now. Not your problem."

"Is this your half-assed attempt of trying to solace me?"

"No?" You make a face. "Why on earth would you think I'm trying to solace you, Yoongi? You called me fat in first grade."

"I see you still hold grudges."

"Oh, that's really my only talent," you snort.

"Aren't you a really good planner?"

"Me?" Is this a compliment you hear?—and from the Min Yoongi?

"Yeah, you're going to plan the graduation ceremony, right? They hand-picked you from the student council, didn't they?"

"Well, uh, yeah." You raise your eyebrows in both surprise and suspicion. "Didn't think you'd care."

"I don't."

Of course.

"Okay, fine by me."

"Why are you even here again?"

You pause. Actually, why are you here? You could've just simply walked away and never had this conversation with Yoongi. But you'd stopped. And now you're talking with him. You answer him truthfully. "I really have no idea."

Another pause.

"Are you gonna ask me to leave?"

"... No."

"Oh." You cock your head. "Okay."

The two of you stare at each other. A staring game commences.

But Yoongi blinks first, claiming you the victor of the little contest. "You can stay if you want."

You scoff. "Excuse me, I didn't know I needed your permission."

Yoongi throws his hands up in the air. "Do you always have to fucking pick a fight?"

"You're the one who starts them!"

"I didn't even say anything mildly rude."

Okay, he might kind of have a point. Maybe all those years of hating him have ingrained permanent hatred in your head, so whatever comes out of Yoongi's mouth seems like an insult that you have to respond to with equal rudeness by reflex.

"Where did we even go wrong?" you sigh, rubbing your forehead.

Yoongi snorts. "Literally right here. On this seesaw."

"You're right," you laugh. This is probably the first time you and Yoongi have agreed on something; it's a foreign feeling that doesn't quite settle right in your stomach.

"Remember when Jimin had a crush on you?"

"Oh stop—" Just one single sentence brings back so many memories.

"Now he's downgraded to girls like Gayoung," Yoongi snorts.

"Oh?" A wide smile stretches across your lips. "Are you saying I'm an upgrade compared to that vile girl?"

"When you put it that way, I'm not so sure."

In any other circumstance, you'd think Yoongi's attacking you again, putting up another unnecessary fight. But right now, it's obvious he's just teasing you.

"Let's face it, Yoongi. I'm better than your ex, aren't I?" you tease right back.

"Barely," he grumbles, but he mumbles under his breath, "but yes."

Thankfully, your owl ears pick up the last part and you grin haughtily. "That's all I needed to hear." Just by habit, you glance down at your watch, frowning when it reads a little past 10 p.m. You're definitely behind schedule right now. Strangely, though, it's kind of worth it, talking to your self-proclaimed nemesis without ripping each other apart with moderately hurtful words.

Yoongi takes notice of you checking the time. Always the same, he thinks. He can't remember the last time he saw you without a watch.

"Anyways... it's getting kind of late..." you say. But you're careful not to stand up from the seesaw—just in case you'll accidentally fling Yoongi off again.

Yoongi nods in agreement. "Yeah." But what he hears next is beyond what he would've ever thought would come out of your mouth next.

"Wanna get some cup ramen? I know a good convenience store nearby."

"With me??" The words slip out of Yoongi's mouth before he can maintain his stoic, chilled composure.

"Why not?" You shrug. "Maybe tonight's the night we can finally stop fighting and act civil for once."

"I am getting tired of the back and forth bickering," Yoongi admits. "Not a bad idea, Y/N."

"I come up with genius ideas once in a while." You flip your hair back and grin. "We just can't stay out before 12 because I need to plan my friend's birthday party before 1."

"I'll get you home by then."

"You're going to walk me home? How boyfriendly."

"It's a habit," Yoongi grumbles.

"A good habit. Keep it up, Min," you laugh. "Then you'll get a new girl in no time."

The two of you count to three before carefully getting off the seesaw together. There are no accidents this time. Everything seems... balanced.

The most what the fuck moment in your life comes when you wake up one morning and realize the person you text and hang out the most is, indeed, Yoongi. Months ago, the thought of him made your blood boil. Now, he's just a friend—a very close friend, too.

Entering eleventh grade with Yoongi by your side is weird. Every other school year, the two of you tried to stay away from each other as much as possible. Yet this year, it's the complete opposite. The two of you solace each other. Even if that involves heavy teasing and harsh verbal exchanges.

"You idiot!" Yoongi shrieks. "And you just let her get away with it?"

"Why yes, why yes I did!" you scream in your shrill voice that makes Yoongi almost flinch back. "What was I supposed to do? Yell at her and tell her I deserved to be class president and not her? Tell her to her face that she cheated the votes?"

"Yes?!"

"Well, I didn't have the guts!"

"Why do you always run away from your fucking problems?"

Yoongi's words pierce through your heart and suck up your anger, replacing it with regret. He’s right though. When something doesn't go the way you planned, you have a habit of ditching. You're afraid of the consequences that will follow when you freestyle everything. And Yoongi knows this.

"I-I... I just... It's easier," you sigh, slumping over your desk seat. "What else am I supposed to do?"

"Fight back maybe?" Yoongi's tone is softer after he sees you become dispirited. "I mean, hey, you win some, you lose some."

"I know... I just feel like I'm always losing these days."

"It's okay," Yoongi says. His big hands awkwardly pat at your back. And as funny as it is that he's attempting to comfort you, you're actually well comforted. "Doesn't matter whether you win or lose. What matters is the experience."

"Wise words."

"Well, I'm a wise person." Yoongi gives you a shit-eating grin.

"Oh god."

Sometimes, Yoongi's the one who breaks down, though it's not as often as you do. But once the storm comes, it's hard to make it leave.

"Please don't talk to me right now."

"But Yoongi," you plead, knocking on the door to his room. "I had to practically beg your parents to let me in!" you whisper angrily. "Come on, open the damn door!"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Do you want me to break the door down??"

Silence follows and a small click indicates that the locked door is now open. You carefully turn the knob and push. Yoongi faces you immediately and the way his eyes are red and his cheeks are wet is indicative of a beforehand hysterical crying session.

"Oh, Yoongi..."

"I said I don't want to talk about it," he mutters. But you know he's just saying that because talking about it will make him cry again. You know him too well.

You pull him into a hug. "Maybe music isn't for you," you say. "It's okay if you failed that path. There are many more to take."

He's silent, squeezing you tightly. But you don't mind the silence at all. It's more peaceful that way, and you know he's actually listening to you when he's not talking.

"You're good at writing aren't you?" you whisper, patting his back. "Maybe that's your path. And if it isn't, so what? Poke at every pathway until you find one that's just right for you."

It's advice for yourself as well. Yoongi's upset that he was rejected from a music audition he was preparing to pass for years; he knew he wanted to pursue music and he did it, though it might not have been very successful. You, on the other hand, have no idea what you want to do in the future.

"I guess we both have to start on new paths now, right?"

By twelfth grade, you and Yoongi are beginning to bicker like a married couple. At least, that's what Jungkook says.

"For the last time, we do not sound married!"

Jungkook rests his head on the palm of his hand. "Sure. Sure."

"The thought of even being romantically interested in Y/N gives me goosebumps," Yoongi snorts.

"But the good kind of goosebumps if you know what I'm talking about," Jungkook says. He wiggles his eyebrows in such a suggestive way that you mock vomit.

"Okay, gross," you groan. "The day I catch feelings for Yoongi is the day the whole world will end."

"Um, right back at you," Yoongi frowns. "Don't worry," he says, giving you a cocky grin. "I'm very repulsive. You'll never catch feelings for me."

"We'll see about that," Jungkook snickers.

Every year, Yoongi writes you a birthday letter. Even now, in college, he manages to find time to make the same effort he's made for the past two years. Every year, he somehow makes you cry with his elaborate words. And every year, Yoongi films it because he's a little shit.

This year though, the tone of the letter is much, much sweeter than you expected. Almost as if it's a love serenade and not a platonic letter to your best friend. The writing is elaborately flourished and fluffed up to the point it sounds like a love poem. And you swear Yoongi spritzed perfume on the envelope because the letter smells (shockingly) amazing. The message itself doesn't make you cry. Instead, after you finish reading it, you stare up at Yoongi's camera in shock, jaw dropped open but no words coming out of your mouth. Yoongi seems to like that reaction a lot, and he even zooms up on your dumbstruck face to make fun of it later.

He'd written ten things he loves about you. And it drove you crazy that you didn't know whether it was platonic or romantic.

Love, Yoongi. He'd signed the letter. Not the usual, From your bestest motherfucking greatest friend, Yoongi.

What the fuck did 'Love, Yoongi' even mean??

And it happens so that the two of you fight about it later on.

"This year's birthday video is the best one yet," Yoongi laughs as he tries to turn the camera around to show you the screen.

You jerk away, frowning. "That is not funny."

"Why? Didn't like my letter this year?" He's teasing you but you're annoyed.

"It was different."

"A good different?" Yoongi nudges your shoulder, a smug smirk plastered on his lips.

"Literally, please, stop. Before I wipe that smirk off your face."

"Okay, okay," Yoongi sighs, raising up his hands in defense. "I bet you're just salty you can't name ten things you love about me."

"You're right, right now, I can name zero things," you scoff.

"Liar. You wouldn't have stuck by my side for this long if you didn't love me."

The fact that he's right makes it more irritating.

"Fine. One. You're an asshole—"

"Come on, is that really a reason?" Yoongi laughs. "This isn't ten things you hate about me, you know."

"Hear me out. You're a certain species of asshole that I find slightly more bearable than any other asshole," you say. "I think you're a tolerable asshole. It's a compliment."

"Thanks?"

"Two. You're an idiot—"

"Is this how the rest of the reasons gonna go?" Yoongi scoffs incredulously. "My letter was heartfelt at least!"

"No, but you're a bearable idiot. The kind that irks your strings just enough to make you pissed but not enough to make you explode. No idiot is tolerable but at least once in a million years you give good advice." You shrug as Yoongi shakes his head in denial.

"I always give good advice."

You roll your eyes. "Three. You're not very good looking—"

"I shouldn't even have asked," Yoongi grumbles. "Why did I fucking bother?"

"No, but you're not ugly. Isn't that good news?" you giggle as Yoongi just shakes his head at you. "It's perfect! That way, you attract people with your personality and not your looks! It's a compliment," you add when Yoongi glares at you.

"Whatever," he says.

"Four!" you say triumphantly. "You are drama-free. Except with me. But I'm an exception because I'm special."

"You got that right," Yoongi mutters underneath his breath. "What about five?" Compared to a minute ago, he looks more interested in your list now.

"Five? Well, you're genuine," you say nodding your head. "You wouldn't let me walk around with an eyelash on my face or spinach stuck between my teeth."

"Yeah 'cause you'd embarrass me too because you'd be by my side," Yoongi protests.

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that."

"Fine. Six?"

"Six... hm..." you hum. "You have pretty eyes."

Yoongi laughs out loud. "Thanks, I guess."

"Seven... let's see... hm..." You rub your chin thoughtfully. "Well, you put the toilet seat down for me."

"My mother didn't raise a hooligan."

"I actually agree with you on that one," you say, laughing. "For eight, I want to just say you're a good friend."

"You stole my number 8 on my letter to you!"

"Yoongi, you should just be glad I even repeated it back to you," you giggle. "Wanna hear nine before I forget?"

Your friend sighs but he nods.

"You're a very good writer. And I'm not just saying that to boost your already enormous ego or anything, but I genuinely think you can write," you say. "And I love that because then I get these good ass letters on special occasions. It's weird how you can choose each word so carefully that all of the meanings fit in this gigantic well-flowing story. And you'd think you'd use all these hard vocabulary words to throw me off, but your writing's easy to read and comprehend. It makes it more impactful." You quirk your brow at your friend who finally looks satisfied. "Is that enough?"

"Yes, now that's more like it!" Yoongi grins. "Butter up my ego a bit more, won't you?"

"Can't. I don't have a number ten for you." You shrug. "Sorry."

"C'mon, you can only think of nine reasons why you love me?" Yoongi leans into you, poking your cheek. "I thought of eleven but I had to take one off. This isn't very fair."

"Oh? What was the eleventh?"

"It was more of a joke so you don't need to know."

"Excuse me? I love jokes—even though I don't take them very well."

"Yeah, well, I especially don't want you to take this a bad way," Yoongi says.

"Was it something mean about me??"

"Kind of."

You frown, scrunching your nose. "Try me."

Yoongi shrugs. "Fine, then. I called you oblivious. Happy?"

You lean back from your friend, giving him a disgraceful look. "Me? Oblivious? First of all, no. And second of all, why would you love that about me?"

"Oh, I don't know, because you're so oblivious you can't even tell that I like you??"

One look at Yoongi and you can tell he's dead serious. "Woah," you breathe. You want to ask him to repeat what he just said to see if you heard him correctly the first time. But he's already looking a little impatient at your delayed answer. So you gape at him, muttering a soft, "Like? As in...?" You can't finish the sentence.

"As in love?" Yoongi finishes for you. "Sure."

"Bro..."

Yoongi rolls his eyes. "I thought the letter made it obvious, Y/N."

"Well, I thought you were joking." You fidget with your hands. "Damn, Yoongi, now what the fuck am I supposed to say?"

"Do whatever you want with that information," he says, shrugging so nonchalantly that you wonder if this man even has feelings.

"Broo..."

"And if that means you're gonna keep saying 'bro,' then I guess that's fine too." He gives you a shit-eating grin.

"No, it's just that... wow. Since when??"

"Like, a year ago? Bit after Jungkook called us a married couple," Yoongi says. "But I'm so dead inside I hid it pretty fucking well. I kept thinking it'd go away too, but man, I still like you now, so I guess the feelings aren't going away anytime soon."

"But what are you proposing??" You run your hands through your hair. "That we go out??"

"Okay, you said it, not me."

You huff. It's weird. This dynamic you have with Yoongi. One moment you're bickering and the next, Yoongi's confessing his feelings for you. Strangely, though, you're not as turned off as you expected.

"One date."

Yoongi raises an eyebrow. "One date?"

"You can buy me dinner, and if it goes horribly, we're going right back to friends," you bargain. "In the case that it goes well, then, uh, you tell me."

Yoongi laughs. "Oh, I'll be the one to tell you, all right."

And unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on the way you look at it), he's right. Four days later, your relationship with Yoongi becomes official. It irks your strings that none of your friends are even the slightest bit surprised about your newfound romantic relationship with the man you'd known for way more than half of your life.

"We all saw it coming, Y/N," they tell you. "We're actually surprised you two didn't date sooner."

But Yoongi is actually a good boyfriend, so there are no regrets. Aside from the small bickering here and there (the married couple kind of arguing), your relationship with him is sound. And the fact that not much has changed in the way you treat each other since you began dating makes you wonder if you were technically in love with Yoongi this whole time but you were way too blinded by your stupid senses and habitual, platonic teasing that you didn't think you actually liked him romantically. It doesn't really matter now, though. Because you're with him anyway.

Yoongi's love language is quality time and coincidentally, so is yours. College becomes a blast. When you're not studying, you're with Yoongi and when you're not with Yoongi, you're 'studying,' but really thinking of your boyfriend.

Yoongi has a way of plaguing your mind. It's been like that since you were little, too.

Once out of college, things become more difficult. Marriage matures into a serious question that neither you nor Yoongi is ready for. So both of you put it off.

As soon as you secure a job as an event planner and Yoongi becomes a professional grant writer, the honeymoon phase of the relationship plummets to the ground.

For nearly eighteen years you were a victim of Yoongi's 'teasing.' His judgmental remarks. But there is a time and place to be a critique.

"Oh, come on, the food isn't even that bad, Yoongi. Just a little bland. That's it."

"There was a hair in my soup," your boyfriend complains. "I'm asking for another bowl."

"Okay, fine, but don't ask for the manager like last time."

"Last time, the waitress called me a tightwad!! What was I supposed to do?"

"Just let it slide? You yelled at her for bringing you bad food when she didn't even cook it! Can you please stop acting so above everybody?"

"Whatever." Yoongi sets down his silverware. "I'm gonna Uber home." He tosses you his credit card and it slides across the wooden table and stops right in front of your dish. "And I'm going to write a Yelp review of this shitty place."

"You're not a fucking entitled writer! Stop acting like one!" you call out to him as he turns his back to you and storms away.

You end up eating dinner at a restaurant by yourself. Yoongi's right, the place is shitty, and the food is bland, but it's not downright intolerable.

Often, these days, it feels like your relationship with Yoongi is spiraling downward. The two of you cannot seem to agree on anything. It reminds you when you'd hated him in your younger years. But you can't hate him now; you live with him.

He's unavoidable.

Usually, Yoongi drives. The car feels foreign to you only because you normally don't sit in the driver's seat. The short mixtape of songs Yoongi wrote and produced for you plays the moment you turn on the engine. He'd gifted that to you a few months ago, after one of your bigger fights. You let the soft serenades play as you drive home.

No matter how many times you and Yoongi fight, the two of you make it up to each other somehow. There is no fight without a resolution. Yoongi will be waiting for you when you get home.

And he is. He's waiting with a blueberry yogurt cake from Paris Baguette sitting on the kitchen island and a letter in his hand. A written apology. Because Yoongi thinks he conveys his feelings better in writing than with spoken words.

"I'm sorry for storming off..." he says almost shyly. The man is nearly twenty-five years old but he sounds and looks like a guilty child with his lips pulled out in a pout and his eyes glancing nervously at your face to see if you weren't going to yell at him. "I, uh... didn't write the Yelp review."

How can you stay mad at that?

"And I wrote you an apology..."

You walk closer to your boyfriend and hug him. "Thank you..."

"Yeah," he says. "And good news, the cake will be really flavorful compared to what you had for dinner."

You smile. "Good thinking."

After a storm, there is always a rainbow. When there is a down, there is an up. And vice versa.

"Can we please stop planning every single fucking second of our lives?" Yoongi says exasperatedly. He flings away the brochure you had handed him that detailed the week's trip to Hawaii down to the last minute. "We're going on vacation. This makes me feel like I'm going to a stupid summer camp."

"If we're going to Hawaii, we shouldn't just relax around in the hotel all day, Yoongi," you scoff, gathering the abandoned brochure and tugging it to your chest. "There's stuff to see on the islands. We need to try everything my friends did! Why would we even go to Hawaii if we're not going to do these fun activities?"

"Come on. 7 o'clock breakfast? 8 o'clock hiking up to the falls? 10 o'clock scuba diving in the ocean? 12 o'clock lunch at the top of a big ass hill that we have to climb up ourselves? 1 o'clock zip-lining meters in the air? 2 o'clock festival? I could go on, but isn't that too much? When can we breathe?" Yoongi shakes his head. "No way. And all of that's just in one day. And the second day is even worse. Y/N, I want to go there to rest."

"If you wanted to rest, then you can do it at home," you argue. "Why go to Hawaii to rest?"

"There are different types of resting," Yoongi sighs. "What's a better way to fall asleep than in front of the ocean? We get to relax in a hotel, which means we won't have to make our beds or cook our meals or even do the dishes. That's relaxing for me."

"Well, it's not relaxing enough for me."

"Come on, Y/N. We went to Banff and you planned every single second of the trip there. I thought it was miserable. Can we please relax just once? For literally one trip?"

"But I already booked everything..."

Yoongi curses. "Why are you always four steps ahead of everything? It's unnecessary!"

"Maybe I'm not four steps ahead and you're just four steps behind!"

"Oh, so you're telling me that everyone else in the world plans their days down to the last second." Yoongi rolls his eyes. "Bullshit, Y/N."

"It's not my fault you're so—so, fucking lazy!"

"I'm not lazy!" Yoongi's eyes flash as he slams the dinner table. "You're just too high maintenance! Fucking nobody can keep up with you!" Before you can react or even yell back, he pushes his chair away and stands up, stomping away in a fury. You can hear him enter his study. There's that familiar door slam again. And the click of the lock means you won't be getting in that room anytime soon.

You're left by yourself, clutching the Hawaii brochure to your chest. A little angry at yourself but a lot madder at your boyfriend. With a bitter scream, you toss the brochure in the trash and curl up in a ball at the side of the couch.

But the thing about you and Yoongi is that with time and space, you recognize each other's perspectives. The rest is history.

Three hours just crying out your pent-up anger gets the irritation out of your system. By the time you're done though, you're a little hungry and guilty. You make a few phone calls and switch things around.

"Hey." You knock on the door of Yoongi's study. You're too afraid to turn the knob yourself. "I know you're in there."

No answer.

"I canceled the excessive activities..." you whisper against the door. "We can plan the trip together... I mean, better yet, we don't even have to plan anything at all... We can be..."—it pains you to say but—"spontaneous."

"Go away. I'm trying to work."

Sometimes Yoongi takes a bit longer than you to come around.

But by dinnertime, he's crept out of his study and has already ordered takeout from your favorite restaurant. The steaming pile of white rice and perfect side dishes lie on the dinner table, waiting for you. He waits for you too.

"I got a new client," he says, looking down at his hands. "And I got your favorite food." You notice that he's holding the Hawaii brochure you'd thrown away. It's a little wet on the sides. Maybe because Yoongi had to wipe off the remnants of the leftovers in the trash that had stuck onto the paper. Your boyfriend finally looks up at you. Shyly. Almost cautiously. "Wanna compromise?"

"Compromise?"

"We plan half of the trip and wing the rest of it," he offers. Yoongi slides you the brochure. "See, so I was thinking..."

You've always hated roller coasters. They are almost always unpredictable with head-jerking twists and turns that bring you closer to vomiting the contents of your stomach rather than pure bliss. There are one too many ups and downs.

Yoongi likes to joke that your relationship with him is a roller coaster. Only because there are too many dips that rocket up to the sky only to plummet down again. You disagree. Because, eventually, no matter how shitty the ride is, roller coasters do end. Your relationship with Yoongi is not over.

You like to compare your relationship with Yoongi like the ocean waves. But during a tsunami. The ups are great; the towering waves give you a beautiful vantage point. And it's all fun and games until the waves crash down on everything you once loved, destroying them. And the process repeats so much that in the end, there is nothing left.

That's what you feel now. Empty.

Alone in the bed with Yoongi downstairs and nowhere to be seen near you.

After a while, even the highs of the relationship makes you feel numb. The lows wreck you past your breaking point. It takes more time to find resolutions—the fights go on for longer than days, even weeks.

When you were younger, fighting with Yoongi was irritating at most. Now, they leave you sobbing and drinking alone in the corner of the bathroom. But it's so late in the game.

You've known Yoongi for over eighteen years of your life, since kindergarten. You keep telling yourself that he's the only one in the world who could understand you; and you're the only one in the world who can understand him. But other than that, you can't find another reason why you're with him.

Sometimes, you listen back to the mixtape he made you years ago. The lyrics don't apply to you now. And this year, for your birthday, he half-assed a letter for you last-minutely because he was 'busy.' Busy drinking with his friends the night before. You've stopped planning your dates for months.

Actually, when was the last time you went on a date with him?

You can't recall.

Maybe the back and forth arguing you and Yoongi had gone through in the majority of your relationship was a sign—a bad sign. If only you hadn't met him on the seesaw that day. Then maybe none of this would've happened.

You might be dating someone you have things in common with. Maybe someone you don't argue with as much.

Falling asleep with tears in your eyes that keep the pillow wet until morning is an occurrence that you're too familiar with. It is an occurrence you want to stop. When Yoongi isn't downstairs by morning, you're thrown into further misery. He usually works from home... He must be really angry to leave without saying anything.

You eat breakfast by yourself. Lunch consists of ramen. And dinner... Yoongi's still not home so you skip the meal altogether.

By 9 p.m., you look at your phone. You don't want to be the first person to break—the first person to apologize—but you worry. Will he hang up on you? Tell you to go away? The possibilities seem endless.

So much thinking hurts your head. Some fresh air might do the trick. Before you know it, you're wandering around a familiar rusty playground again. It brings back childhood memories. When your hand trails across the paint-chipped monkey bars, you're brought back to when you were only six years old. The towering obstacle had looked so big when you were little. Now, you could easily cross the bars by simply walking.

It's strange to see the once-bustling playground be completely empty and in the dark. You hear that they're going to tear down this place to construct a little convenience store so no one must've visited this playground in a very long time. You'll miss it when it's gone. You had a lot of fun around here.

Just as that thought passes through your head, your eye catches sight of the seesaw.

Ah, the start of everything.

Slowly, you walk towards it. Each step makes your feet sink further in the smoothed over gravel but you manage to sit at the very edge of the seesaw. Immediately, the other side flings up in the air. It reminds you of when you flung Yoongi in the air. A pretty funny memory. But not right now. Thinking about Yoongi now hurts.

You hate it when you start to contemplate the worst-case scenario. A breakup. Moving out. Stress. Tears.

You run your fingers across the rusty handle of the seesaw. Hopefully, things don't come to that. But how much longer can you handle the arguments? They seem to be elongating as time passes. What if one day, the argument lasts a month? Several months? A year?

If there is one thing in your life that you strive to achieve, it's predictability. With Yoongi, there is none of that. He makes last-minute plans out of nowhere and doesn't tell you until the last second. Then you have to go on a frenzy to reschedule everything. It is a cycle that you've become sick of. And he's sick of you planning everything.

That has been the issue of the last ten fights.

The same issue.

And it's unfixable.

You and Yoongi are rock bottom on the very floor of the Mariana Trench. The back and forth game of banter has turned into something more serious, and it just isn't as light-hearted and funny anymore.

"Hey."

You nearly fall off the seesaw at the sound of Yoongi's voice. He's got his hands shoved in his pockets and he looks like he was awake for more than 24 hours.

"H-Hey," you say.

"The seesaw, huh?"

"Yeah." You nod. "The seesaw."

Yoongi smiles but it's not a very happy one. Even now, you don't think either one of you wants to apologize for the fight.

"I've been thinking," Yoongi sighs. He doesn't spare you another glance before he sits on the other side of the seesaw. You're suddenly jerked up in the air. There used to be a balance but it seems like Yoongi's gained some weight—or you've lost a lot. "Remember when I said our relationship is like a rollercoaster?"

"And I said I disagreed."

"Right." Yoongi sighs. "I take that back. We're not like a rollercoaster. We're in a game."

"A game?"

Yoongi gestures at the seesaw. "This is our game."

"...The seesaw?" You raise an eyebrow at the man but Yoongi doesn't budge.

"Yes. Look." Yoongi pushes off the gravel with his feet, putting himself in the air while sinking you to the ground. "And when you push..." Following his words, you launch yourself back in the air. Yoongi looks up at you as he sighs. "We're always on opposite sides, opposite places."

"Even when we try to balance," he continues, trying to lift his body to bring you down to the same level as him, "we fail." He ends up higher than you now and you look up at him.

"Some game this is..." you mutter.

"It's a game of ups and downs," Yoongi tells you. "It's tiring, isn't it?"

"Of course it is."

"And like all games... there is an end."

You raise both eyebrows. "Oh."

"From day one, you know... we weren't really supposed to get along," Yoongi says. "But somehow seeing each other every day, bickering with each other... all of that let us be in closer proximity with each other. And then we thought we were meant to be."

"You're analyzing our relationship?" you scoff.

"Don't act like you haven't done the same, Y/N."

You're silent.

"It doesn't matter whether we love each other at this point, Y/N... Does it? Love or not, I don't think I can live like this."

It's ridiculous. You're having a grown-up discussion possibly leading to a breakup on a fucking seesaw of all places.

"You want to separate?" Your voice comes out smaller than you expected. When it becomes a reality, it's much harder to digest.

"You've been thinking about it too, right?" Yoongi sighs. "I mean, I heard you call your mom the other day. And it didn't sound too good."

Guilty. "Well, yeah, I've been thinking about it... Just... I just didn't think it'd become a reality so soon." And you always thought you would have initiated the breakup, not the other way around.

"Yeah... I felt bad you always took initiative with things so I decided to save you the stress and do it myself."

"Wow. Thanks." You shake your head. "Real thoughtful."

"Right?" Yoongi grins. "I don't think a lot will change if we break up. We've always hated each other a little."

You let out a wry laugh. "I'll never forgive you for calling me fat."

"And I'll never forgive you for calling me stupid."

"Looks like we're even."

"Yeah, for once." Yoongi shrugs. "I guess we can be platonic roommates until I find another apartment."

"Sounds good to me." You ignore the tears welling up in your eyes as you try to smile. "Let's get off this seesaw to seal the deal then."

"The end of the game." Yoongi's voice shakes just enough for you to know he's crying.

And as the two of you walk back to your shared apartment with tears streaming down your faces, you realize you wouldn't have it any other way. A breakup any later would be regretful—even wasteful of time. A breakup any earlier would've left you to separate forever. A breakup now is perfect.

You're acquainted enough to still possibly be friends. But not bound by marriage to make the procedure worse and more complicated.

Of course, you love Yoongi. But sometimes, you love the wrong people—the people you don't belong with, the people who won't make you happy. You're just glad you didn't run away in the beginning. Yoongi taught you a difficult rivalry, a difficult friendship, a difficult relationship. But you don't always have to go the hard way.

When a relationship becomes like a game—repetitive with the addition of wins and losses—that's when you know you can stop.

You'll be on the easy route now and find someone who is as crazy about planning as you.

You look up at Yoongi. His cheeks are wet with tears but he doesn't necessarily look sad. Instead, he looks hopeful. Like he'll find somebody who can appreciate his love for leaving sarcastic Yelp reviews or somebody who loves spontaneity as much as he does.

And when he finds that special somebody, you'll be happy for Yoongi. But, of course, not before you tease the living shit out of him first.

—masterpost

—masterlist

[misstinfoilhat]

Hullo! I really love your writing, and I saw that you got a bad things happen bingo! I really love both Ed and Dazai, so I was wondering if I could request something for both of them? Maybe tied to a pole with Ed, and human shield with Dazai?? If two requests is too much, could you please do Ed? Thanks ☺️☺️❤️

Heyoo! I can do both! I have the Ed one ready now, and then I’ll do the Dazai one later! ^^ I might do some of the other stories first though--- I hope that’s okay! 

Again, this became an actual one-shot. A drabble isn’t usually 2000 words, ya know. But it was fun to write! And I’m actually really happy with the outcome!

The whole “tied to a pole” prompt was a bit unspecific to me, but here’s what I made of it:

---

Roy grit his teeth, fists clenching tightly. They all knew that the court martial’s verdict was bullshit, that the Mayor of this godless town in the south-of-nowhere was out for revenge. The humiliation of having been corrected on the history of his own town in the middle of a speech was too much for his wounded ego. The fact that representatives of the military from several other districts were present at the time, had only amplified the effects.

If Edward had only kept his mouth shut. If he hadn’t been such a bratty know-it-all, then Roy and his unit would have been on the train heading back to Central right now. They wouldn’t be standing in a crowd of people, watching as their youngest teammate was fighting his restraints, hard-handedly being escorted to the flogging pole.

The masses that had gathered to observe the disciplinary action was mixed. Some whooped and laughed, pointing while cheering for the administrator, while others turned away in outrage and disgust the moment they saw Edward’s minuscule stature and automail arm. 

“It’s just a child,” a woman behind Roy gasped, and Roy lowered his head, rubbing at his eyes.

‘I know!’ he thought. 

As the guards tried to attach Edwards’s cuffs to the pole, a wave of laughter spread through the crowd. Roy snapped his attention back to the stage, where it became apparent that Edward was too short to reach. The ropes they would tie him to weren’t long enough. 

“Yeah, go figure! They’re not meant for a child!” Havoc heckled but was quickly shut up by a sharp elbow to the side from Riza. Roy sent him a venomous glare.

“Leave it,” he hissed. “This is just for show. He can handle a few lashes. If we leave here on a bad note, we will all be court-martialed once we get back to Central.” 

Havoc scoffed. “It’s such bullshit,” he muttered, relighting his cigarette.

“I agree, but our mission was to kiss some ass and make good relations. Fullmetal did the opposite of that, and now he’s facing the consequences.” The words left a foul taste in Roy’s mouth, but it was the truth. All he had asked of the vertically challenged knucklehead, was to smile and nod as they paraded him around like a show pony. 

Eventually, someone had produced a crate from somewhere, which they placed Edward on top of. The teen was fuming with embarrassment and rage.

The large crowd settled as the Mayor walked ceremoniously to the front of the stage, unrolling a scroll and cleared his throat. 

“For the crime of breaching military code, I hereby sentence Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist to one hundred lashes,” he spoke loudly. The collective horror from the audience made him pause, however.

Something heavy settled in Roy’s stomach and he felt his knees start to wobble.

“That’s too much---” Riza gawked, aghast. The moment it had been said, Roy, Havoc and Breda had all bolted towards the stage, leaving Riza, Fuery, and Falman behind. The three exchanged glances, before rushing after them.

“That is outrageous!” Roy shouted as a guard blocked his path. “He can’t weigh more than a hundred pounds!”

“A lash per pound then,” the Mayor chuckled spitefully and glanced to where Edward was still fighting his bonds.

“That amount of lashes will kill him!” Fuery chimed in soon after, out of breath. “A man should optimally only receive fifty lashes a day, but a child his size---”

“Preposterous!”

“Barbarians!”

The crowd roared in outrage.

“-would likely not withstand more than twenty, maybe thirty---” Fuery was stopped by a hand covering his mouth. He glared back at Falman.

“Yes. As he said, twenty,” Falman inquired vigorously. 

The Mayor’s eyes hovered over the audience, furious fists being thrown in the air and voices pleading for mercy for the child. Only a few people still laughed, calling Edward a wimp, a crybaby, and other downgrading names.

Eventually, the Mayor rolled his eyes obviously and strolled back to the centerstage. He cleared his throat in an overexaggerating matter.

“On account of the kindness in my heart, I will relent to your appeal. I will change the sentence to---” he paused for dramatic effect, bathing in the sea of anticipation as all eyes were directed at him. “-forty lashes!”

“That’s still too much!” Havoc directed at Roy, eyes begging for him to do something. But all Roy could do was to shrug and shake his head gloomily.

“There’s nothing I can do. We need to be aligned with this asshole, no matter how much of a self-absorbed jerk he is.”

Havoc still argued. “But Furey said twenty lashes, and he raised it back to forty!”

“If we don’t accept this more ‘reasonable’ punishment, I’m afraid they might go back to a hundred and I’ll have to blow the tops off their heads off,” Riza joined in, hand resting instinctively by her holster. 

Their discussion was cut short at the sound of leather singing through the air, followed by the sickening noise of it smacking across flesh. The muffled groan Edward bit back made them all turn. 

The already scarred back had a glowing, red welt across the shoulder blades, and Edwards’s hands grasped at the ropes binding him to the pole as they shook by the effort of holding him up on his tippy toes. The thin scar tissue around his shoulder port was already bloodied.

Again, the flogger danced as the guard raised his hand anew and brought the spiked tip back across the feeble spine. The Mayor counted loudly as each stroke was delivered.

The seventh lash broke Edward’s skin. Crimson red merging with perspiration, running down his back and leaving small puddles of blood around his feet. As the punishment went on, his flesh broke more and more. On the seventeenth blow, the tip of the whip lodged itself underneath the plating of his automail arm.

As it was forced back out, the metal plating visibly shifted, grinding into Edward’s bones. That was the first time Edward broke his stubborn silence and let an agonizing cry cut through him. He threw his head back, revealing that he had bit his bottom lip bloody and cursed at them loudly. His body was spasming, if it was because of the flogging or the automail was hard to tell, but it was heartwrenching to witness nevertheless.

When the twentieth hit was dealt, the crowd had gone silent. A few had left, and Riza had her back turned, unable to take it any longer. She assessed her superior’s face solemnly. Roy’s eyes were dangerously narrow, and his jaw was set tight, telling her that he struggled to compose himself.

Edward had gone completely quiet behind her. The only sound that cut through the grave silence was the swishing of the whip and faint occasional moans.

As the Mayor got ready to declare the thirty-first lash, a brisk baritone voice spoke up.

“That’s enough!”

The man giving the lashes paused for a moment and looked questioningly at his superior. The Mayor glared at Roy for a moment.

“I will stop this now, if your unruly subordinate offer me a formal appology,” he smirked boastfully. 

Roy took a step forward and Riza had to keep herself from instinctively grabbing at his arm.

“With all due respect,” Roy bit, with evident sarcasm bleeding through his words, “even if he had been conscious to offer you his apologies, I would refuse to let him after your reckless, thoughtless behavior. A teenager wounding your ego is not punishable by death, nor near death. If it was, I swear Fullmetal would be administered floggings daily by myself!” Roy’s voice rose slightly, even if he was now standing only a few feet away from the podium, glaring up at the pompous man.

The Mayor assessed him lazily, arms crossed and nose raised. 

“I- I can take it,” came weakly from behind him. Simultaneously, Roy and the Mayor’s heads snapped towards the fragile voice.

Quivering feet were trying to get purchase on the wooden crate, the exhausted body swayed limblessly back and forth as he failed to keep his balance. The bright fresh blood still seeped through the several ugly lacerations crisscrossing over his sunkissed back at an alarming rate. 

“Fullmetal---” Roy disputed softly, but Edward shook his head.

“No! I can take it!” a newly found strength reached his tone. “I’m not some scrawny kid! If I can do an adult’s work, I can take an adult’s punishment!”

Edward had to pause as a few painful coughs wrecked through his weary form, robbing him of his newfound energy. A raspy intake followed, before he was ready to speak again. 

“So, just do it,” he croaked, barely above a whisper. “Give me forty, fifty, a hundred. I don’t care. Just get it over with so I can be done with this piece of shit job and go back home to my brother.” 

With a defiant stubbornness, Roy kept his stance with folded arms and looked venomously at the Mayor as he signaled for the punishment to continue. It proceeded with absolute silence, an uncomfortable aura spreading over the onlookers. Accusing and disapproving stares were cast at the man who had administered each lash. Edward had eventually given up on keeping his feet under him and hung motionlessly from the ties as the last lash hit him. 

The relieved sigh as the Mayor declared the fortieth blow was elevating. Low murmurs and quiet conversations filled the streets as the crowd thinned, and people got on with their lives, undoubtedly discussing whether or not they would want to keep such a heartless Mayor in the upcoming election.

The administrator reached to untie Edward’s wrist, but Roy skipped up on stage and demanded to do it.

Gingerly, he undid the first knot, carefully placing his arm under Edward’s to keep him from falling. Edward hissed from the contact, and Roy apologized bashfully. As he unraveled the second not, he let Ed slide down and rest on his lap.

Roy held him tightly, supporting his back with one arm while brushing strands of hair away from his face with the other. Golden half-lidded eyes peered tiredly up at him.

“I’m sorry,” Edward muttered weakly, shamefully scrunching his eyebrows together. Roy mimicked the expression in confusion.

“What? What do you have to be sorry about? You took your punishment like a champ!”

“I ruined the job,” Edward uttered quietly, straining to keep his torn bottom lip from wobbling. “They’re not gonna be our allies after this, all because I couldn’t keep my stupid mouth shut.”

The surprised scoff that tore its way through Roy’s throat startled them both. Roy’s hand kept brushing through the unruly mop of golden locks affectionately.

“He was an asshole anyway, Fullmetal. There’s no way anyone will elect him for another term after this display. Maybe a potential new Mayor was in the crowd today, watching as you took this unfair punishment with your head held high. If anything, you’ve might increase our chances of aligning with them.”

Those large, brilliant eyes widened as he looked up on him, making Roy smile fondly.

“You really think so?” Ed asked in awe, gripping at Roy’s sleeve to make him stop petting his head.

The colonel chuckled lowly, shifting a little, signaling that he was getting ready to get up.

“Yeah, I do,” he confirmed as he finally lifted Ed off the ground. Edward winched, and his grip on the older man’s sleeve grew tighter. They passed the Mayor without a word. 

A few feet away, the rest of their unit stood. Havoc was holding Ed’s red coat and delicately placed it over Edward’s trembling form as they turned to leave.

“You made me really proud today, d’you know that?” Roy murmured silently.

“Really?” a hoarse croak answered from the bundle in his arms.

“Yeah, really.”

[ivemadeanopinion]

Hello! This is my first post on this account. I recently posted about something political on my other account, and thought that I didn't want any politics on there really :)

I'm a 14 year old girl who really wants to formulate her own opinion and break away from my father's. He's a strong republican, prolife, doesn't believe in climate change, and thinks liberalism is a mental illness, or something along those lines. He basically assumes everyone from the other side is stupid. (Though, it wouldn't be infactual to say I've seen Democrats say so too about republicans.)

I hate sitting in my house, hearing my dad rant on and on about these things no one in my household cares about, and I thought, why not care? Why not care and begin to formulate my own opinion???

The amount of times I've embarrassed myself in school. Like I said, my father doesn't believe in climate change. I have a huge personality. So I've said it before. Tried to discuss it. And people look at me as if I'm insane. I didn't know better.

Whether you're republican, a Democrat, whatever you are, I'm open minded to any information, articles or anything you have to provide.

Please, although people can be assholes, not ALL people are assholes. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. On this blog I will try to avoid saying anyone is dumb, or say things negative about them. Discussing opinions is okay. There is no need to take it further than that.

I'd appreciate having a civil discussion. I might give you information my father has told me, and I wouldn't mind if you explained why he is wrong.

I don't believe that all Republicans are bad. I don't believe that all liberals are bad. I don't believe that a whole entire group of people is bad. Just certain people inside it. Yet every day I see posts bashing entire groups of people, defined by their gender, looks, race, sexuality other than what they believe in. There are always nice people in a bad group, and bad people in a nice group. (Of course, depending on how vague you go. If you say pro life, you arent saying that they're pro "you have to always give birth even if it's a child from rape." That isn't every person in the pro life community.)

Though I understand how posts go, and when you say "republicans" and stuff. It makes sense. I'm probably gonna say "most republicans" in my posts though, when it ever comes across, because it's a preference I guess. My whole family is republican and seeing the ones who aren't super terrible like my dad be grouped up in there just bothers me i guess.

That's the main opinion I stand for, and here's why (huge rant ahead. TLDR at the end of the lines. I reccomend you read, but it's alright if not.);

--------------------------------------

When I began going to school, out in Florissant, Missouri, as early as kindergarten, I was bullied. Practically everyone in that school was black. I grew up in the hood area, I would say. Not as bad as some places, but still quite bad. Soon enough, I was bullied for being white. I've had people tell me that there's no way that's why I was bullied. Well, kids saying i should 'go to hell for being white', probably is an indicator, but what do I know? I was terrified. I kept to myself. My only friends became the special ed kids. Rachel and Summer were my best friends. Summer passed away in 2016. I wasn't informed till late 2017, by seeing my friends yearbook.

Nevertheless, I was called racial slurs, I was literally 'the plauge'. I blocked most of it out, it's trauma, but I can just remember trying to play a game with people and they say "the white girl is infected!!! Don't touch her!!" And, well, I didn't get to play with them. I played with Rachel instead, but she thought they were just playing tag. She didn't understand why they were running away. (They ran from her because she was special ed. She wasnt white.) It all got worse after the Ferguson riots. I was about 9 then.

I made my first friend in 3rd grade. His name was Kenan. He was outcasted because he was a crybaby. We became friends, but I still didn't play many games. Then Cayl'E came along in 5th grade. She was friends with everyone. She ended up becoming my best friend. Now she is family to me. She made everyone actually realize, that I might not be a terrible person just because of how I look. people still didn't touch me for a while. (not letting me be involved in house, no one picking me for heads up 7s up, etc, not like some weird stufd) but it soon got better for a few people. (Definitely not all. I can still name 3 kids that made my final weeks of 5th grade TORTURE. Yes, I cried really loud during the date ceremony because this kid was purposely overstimulating me)

Most traumatic time at that school? This might sound like the most fake part, but no, this is real; My 5th grade brother calling a 1st grader short, and a bunch of middle school kids (they looked tall) running up and beating the shit out of him. I was in 3rd grade. I had to run to find help. I couldn't help my brother, from getting beat up by like 20 guys. In hindsight, it probably wasn't that many, but I was in 3rd grade, I over exaggerated a lot.

I moved in 6th grade. Out to a better school. I was scared of the loud kids. And soon enough became used to it. Now I have a huge personality. I'm open, and today even walked in on my brothers zoom meeting to say my armpits smelled like burritos then walking away. Im not scared anymore. Most of the time. Sometimes I have flashbacks, but we don't need to discuss that.

--------------------------------------

--------------------------------------

TLDR: I was severely bullied because of my skin color. I have some post traumatic stress from it it was quite bad. Yet through it, I made friends who helped me, despite the color of my skin. So through every bad there is good.

--------------------------------------

What I'm trying to say from that is, not all white people are bad. Not all black people are bad. Just the certain people who made me so hurt much today. They didn't mean it though (I hope. A couple kids apologized about two years after moving.)

Not every group is bad just because you've had a bad experience with a few people. There are always kind people out there.

Whether I'm one is your decision, and whether you want to discuss some politics about like climate change, abortion or whatever, is also up to you.

Sorry for going on and on. Hope to hear back from anyone! (In a hopefully civilized discussion, I'm 14, not 54.) Oh and!! Don't be shy due to my age. I know way too much, I'm on the internet! I might be impressionable and stuff, but what's more impressionable? An opinion I can hear the facts to, or whatever the hell my dad is going on about? I've been stuck with this nutcase for forever, I wanna be able to say something about it.

[natsthinkitythinkthinkthonk]

Dec. 12 - Anime Log

Since I started/finished a few anime today, I decided that I wanted to list my thoughts for each of them. I was debating whether I should’ve put this on my spam account, but I decided that this account might be better.

 Anime:

Dame x Prince (started and finished)

Kamisama Hajimemashita (finished)

Zetman (started)

I’m going to work backwards starting with Zetman’s first impression. 

The art was pretty good. TMS Entertainment is a studio I don’t actively search through, but I found out that I watched a lot of their anime. They definitely have a lot of hits including the Detective Conan series, Yowamushi Pedal, Megalo Box, and since we’re talking about it, they did Kamisama too. 

The music didn’t stand out too much, but it’ll take some time to grow on me. This part always goes like that since I find that a score grows more with the progression of a series.

Okay, but the biggest letdown was probably me finding out that Romi Paku was going to be replaced with Daisuke Namikawa for the main character’s child vs adult voice. If Romi can be Edward, she can be Jin. Besides that, Mamo and Kana Hanazawa are solid picks for literally any roles.

The story, characters, and presentation seem a bit like a mix of Code Geass and Devilman. Hear me out. Devilman is probably more obvious (I’m referring to Devilman Crybaby). They both are a bit on the explicit side, they both depict violence with demon-like creatures, and they both use the common thing of, “You see this mortal you like? It would be a shame if something were to happen.” Code Geass was brought up because of the two protagonists. One is a bit of an anti-hero while the other has an arguably warped sense of justice. Let’s just see how this plays out. So far, this seems like a far more palatable but different version of Devilman. I couldn’t even finish that series because it scared and scarred me too much.

Kamisama took me a really long time to finish. I kept picking it up and dropping it because I found the characters to be a bit... lacking. I heard this was a classic shoujo anime, and I’m not necessarily the target audience, but I find myself enjoying it from time to time. 

I find that art palettes always look a bit pale for some reason. I find a lot of anime during those years did though. The character designs made a lot of characters look more emo than they needed to be, and their eyes look like they have that pencil stuff (edit: eyeliner). Their eyes are also already very large. 

The story is more on the lighthearted side. There are some overarching stories, but it’s mostly episodic with outside conflicts. Like a lot of shoujo anime, it’s mostly about the growth of the relationship with the two romantic interests and the futile efforts of anyone who isn’t the main love interest.

We have the cold-tsundere-ish Tomoe, the playful seems-like-they-can-be-a-cutesy-yandere Mizuki, the average heroine Nanami that becomes head-over-heels for the main character, and a few other side characters here and there including that dad who went out to buy milk and never came back and the feminine guy who fabulously wrecks things up. Other characters appear episodically. There’s also a fish guy with the underappreciated wife (that episode made me laugh a little), a purple-haired supernaturally being who falls in love with that mortal who’s voiced by Ryohei Kimura.

I paused watching it three episodes in then stopped again after episode seven then took it to the end. It really wrapped up nicely at the ending, and I really like series that end well. That usually boosts it up in my books.

Score: 7.7/10

I wanted to save Dame x Prince for last because it’s something that surpassed my expectations, and that’s because I thought it was going to be terrible.

Just like many reverse harems, it’s based off an otome game which means it’s about a bunch of ideal guys with the same faces competing for the same girl while trying to remain true to their trope.

But this anime doesn’t take itself seriously, and that’s where it makes itself different. None of these guys are ideal except for maybe... Teo? But even then, he’s not even listed in the main cast. Let’s go through some cast introduction:

Not Your Typical Otome Protagonist (VA: Sayuri Yahagi) - She’s realistic, she calls out these guys on their bullshit, and she even says to the guy, “I don’t want your self-portrait.” She’s immune to all the guys’ so-called “handsomeness”.

Feather Boa (VA: Kaito Ishikawa) - egotistical bastard who has servants follow him to give him lighting, mirrors, and confetti. He’s the first in line to the throne, but all he cares about is making women swoon and getting an artist portrait of him literally every month.

Flower Boi (VA: Yuichiro Umehara) - take a shot every time he says, “My little flower (ohana-chan)” then you will die from alcohol intoxication. Personally, I prefer Umehara’s lower voice because it sounds more badass, but this role was... something else. He’s a womanizer as well. Also, if you call everyone pet names like that, you don’t have to remember their actual names. Good to know. 

Sunny Child (VA: Soma Saito) - I thought he was a girl. I was wrong. Even the main character thought he was a girl. He’s so bright that they didn’t even censor his dick, he just censored his whole body in a glowing light. He looks creepy.

Every Tumblr User Ever (VA: Ryohei Kimura) - He complains about the sunlight melting him, he has a waifu, he’s directly creepy regarding his waifu, he would protect his waifu at all costs, he stays up reading manga, and he is socially awkward. Yes, Ryohei voices both his character and his puppet waifu. 

Manure (VA: Tomoaki Maeno) - He’s the only normal otome-standard guy here, and he’s supposed to be like that. He also fills in the childhood friend trope.

Ugly Blob (VA: Ayaka Saito) - She’s supposed to be the cute mascot, but the protagonist summons her through a self-described vague (seriously, the characters say, “This stuff is vague as hell”) process. She even says, “You’re ugly... in a cute way though!”

Most episodes actually made me laugh because of the writing and how stupid it was. They don’t have an actual overarching story until... maybe near the end? Everything is mostly antics and whatnot. There’s a stereotypical onsen episode in there too. They even say, “Great, a hot springs episode. Just what this anime needed.”

Music was pleasant enough. The OP was standard and forgettable, and the EDs were too (but they were sung by certain seiyuu). I don’t remember much about the score. The animation wasn’t bad because it didn’t demand that much. Usually, these adaptations have ridiculously bad animation quality anyways.

Seiyuu did a good job. This was probably due to the fact that the writing wasn’t something straight of a Twilight fanfic or something. Pretty much all the seiyuu that were cast have a good amount of experience, so I’m really not surprised.

Score: 7.4/10 (that’s pretty darn good considering the genre)

[ongnable]

christmas confession w/ jihoon

for: Summer, @porkjeojang - i know you asked for ‘cute’, but i’ve made this a little angsty at the beginning but i swear it redeems itself but IM SO SORRYYYYY I LOOOVVVEEE YOOOOUUU PLZ FORGIVE ME prompt: “cute Christmas lights confession” a/n: timed for christmas eve, reader is a bit of a crybaby; but all is fine - after all, it’s christmas ❤️

strolling down the path, you raise your head to stare in wonder - the strings of fluorescent stars only to be seen this time of the year are shining brightly

the sun has set and the evening was revealing itself in the form of christmas lights being turned on, carols chiming, and couples emerging from the nearby shopping mall to admire the festive atmosphere of the park

you clutch the warm coffee in your hand a little tighter – admiring the way the snowflakes melt over the lid with a moment’s touch – as you run your fingers along the side of your phone, playing with the buttons in your pocket

there wasn’t much to do whilst waiting.

you glance up at the clock tower,

eleven fifteen.

you’d agreed to meet at half past

a faint buzz of your phone causes you to check for new messages

jihoon: [ did you get coffee? are you waiting outside or inside?]

y/n: [ yeah. got coffee - i’m outside ]

jihoon: [ it’s cold outside ]

y/n: [ i wanted to see the lights ]

jihoon: [ i’m almost done anyways, message you when i finish ]

y/n: [ ok ok ]

strolling through your instagram feed so you don’t look too awkward standing by yourself out in the cold, you can overhear a couple giggling as they walk past, hands swinging in glee

you huddle your thick coat closer to your body, slipping gloveless hands into the space between your waist and coat, crossing them across your body to gather heat

quickly, you take up the empty seat on a bench as you switch from one social media app to another to waste time

gulping down some of the hot drink and holding your breath – releasing it in a big sigh to admire the white mist it creates, most of your coffee is already gone when you settle it on the spare space next to you

the clock tower rings once

eleven thirty.

you look up to check the time on the clock tower even though it’s displayed on your phone

where was jihoon?

you already know that ‘probably busy’ was the answer. it was always hard for jihoon to make time for you amidst his schedule

standing so that the person you’re looking for can get a clearer view of you, you pick up the almost finished drink and peek at the screen again

how many times have you checked now?

[ no new messages ]

you could wait a little longer before you asked for his wherabouts, he didn’t need you bothering him when he was busy

opening twitter, your eyes widen at the top few posts

you’d recognize that figure anywhere, but who was that next to him?

you saw jihoon with a girl, caught by the paparazzi - and a few fans as they began leaving the building

there were photos

videos

retweet after retweet

you followed numerous jihoon-biased accounts (something he endlessly made fun of you for, “you know that you get to see the real thing right y/n?”), hence your feed was now saturated with posts about this girl – a statuesque model cum actress with long flowing hair –

jihoon had told you that he was having a photoshoot with a female model beforehand

but you hadn’t expected there to be so much touching involved

for the poses to be so close

and for them to leave the building together after the shoot had finished

opening the lid of your coffee, you grimace at the cold drink left at the bottom, the oils from the milk having started to gather. 

and you throw it away

was that why he wasn’t here?

because he’d found someone else to spend christmas eve with? 

eleven forty five.

you try to rid those thoughts building in your head

surely, it’s the cold and the loneliness of being surrounded by couples getting to you

jihoon owed you nothing

but he wasn’t that sort of person

jihoon was someone that stood by what he said and kept his promises

he wouldn’t keep you hanging out in the cold like this

especially not on christmas eve

the two of you had planned sleeplessly over tonight for far too long

he’s only met her tonight though?

and the nagging in your mind doesn’t stop

you’re about to send him another message, but your fingers don’t want to move

glancing up, you can tell that the night has fully showed its face

only the moon remains, the stars having been covered by the thin layer of clouds

your sight becomes blurred as the christmas lights you had thought to be so pretty previously turned into multicolored blobs

mocking.

annoying.

your chest hurt and it’s wasn’t just muscles tightening under the biting cold

the clock struck midnight.

christmas eve was over.

he wasnt coming, you thought bitterly, jihoon wasn’t coming

wintered air stings at your eyes and numb fingers move to try wipe the tears away, anger building when you couldn’t even tell if you’d wiped them away properly

i can’t even cry without it being annoying!

you strain and try to blink the tears away, but eventually give up and rub your palms roughly along your face 

it’s so unfair.

looking around –

everyone was with the person they cared about. everyone was out celebrating. happy faces bathed in warm light.

and you were alone.

staring at the lighted screen one last time, the taunting photo ridiculing you - you stuff the phone back into your coat pocket, turning to walk back inside

there was no point staying by the lights now

no point being the lone girl underneath the clock tower, pretending to have someone who cares for her

not when christmas eve was over

not when jihoon wasn’t going to arrive–

“YAH! Y/N!”

jihoon?

you turn around to face the other side of the path, trying to locate the source of his voice.

“BABO-YAH!”

cold wind pelts at your face whilst the snow gets caught between strands of loose hair

jihoon was running towards you

his silhouette gradually becoming clearer as he neared the lights you were standing at

you could tell he came straight from the shoot with his immaculate makeup and set hair

but what gave it away was the short sleeves in this freezing weather - there was no way he would have been outside wearing only his white shirt

“why are you out here? didn’t you see my message? I was looking all over for you!”

his arms clutched at your sides when he reached your side - checking you over, trying to work out why you were crying

white puffs of air surrounded him as jihoon panted. 

he had spotted you wiping your face – the girl that normally swatted his arm away when he tried to pinch your cheeks, because he’d ‘ruin your makeup’ – and knew that something was wrong instinctively

“jihoon... you came...” 

a relieved sob escapes as the tears stop flowing, your body still shaking

“of course, where else would I go? didn’t you see my text? do you have any idea how long it took me to find you?”

none of his words seemed to register with you

and jihoon found himself being enveloped in a hug, 

“you’re here,” wrapping you arms around him, the sound of his heartbeat strong and reassuring. “jihoon- you’re here.”

tears were rolling down your face again, cheeks so cold that the droplets actually felt warm against your skin; chest heaving as you found solace with his body against yours

“yeah, I’m here” he tutted, slightly embarrassed and unsure of how to respond to your sudden affection

despite how whiny and emotional you could be, you weren’t particularly big on skinship normally

so he settled for patting your head. something his mom had always done for him when he cried as a child

“why are you such a crybaby? you literally just stopped crying. i’m here, remember?”

“i’m just...” a pause. searching for the right words. “relieved?”

i’m happy. i’m happy. i’m happy.

i’m happy you’re here. i’m happy you care. i’m happy that you’re with me.

“you have a funny way of showing it.” you didn’t even realize you were pouting until he poked your cheek, “i don’t even know why you were worried I wouldn’t show up in the first place.”

“but christmas eve is over.” you muffled into his chest, glancing at the clock tower, hands still locked around jihoon, unwilling to let go even though you could feel him shuffling as he reached for his phone. “you were late. i thought you forgot about me. i thought–”

i thought you were with another person. that you replaced me with someone else more important to you.

“babo-yah. did you not get my message? look.”

jihoon untangled your arms from him, holding his phone in front of you, you make out the text he sent you

jihoon: [ leaving now. will probs to be a bit late, wait for me inside the cafe ]

wait. 

a text?

“what did you send me a text for?!”

he looks at you incredulously, as if offended by your logic

“that’s what phones are for.”

“you know i put my phone on airplane mode and only leave wifi on!” 

how else were you supposed to pay your phone bill when the two of you messaged so much?

“that’s not how a phone works, y/n”

“you could’ve at least kakao-ed me!”

“i didn’t have wifi.”

“we were chatting on kakao the whole day though!”

“i only realized that i ran out of data when i left the studio.”

locking eyes in a stalemate, the two of you burst into laughter, attracting stares from passers-by

“we’re just two idiots, aren’t you?”

jihoon rolled his eyes, as he ran his fingers under your eye, wiping away remnants of smudged mascara and eyeliner “speak for yourself.”

“you know that’s what i like so much about you, jihoonie. you really know how to flatter a girl.”

jihoon smiled, faint and soft

the lights peaking through as smudged colours around him through the snow as he reaches for your hand

“merry christmas to you too, y/n”

lacing your fingers through his own, you finally register how cold jihoon feels against you

“let’s go inside, you must be freezing! i’m sorry i didn’t realize sooner.”

tugging at his hand, you pull at him, trying to get him to jog towards a source of indoor heating with you, but jihoon kept trailing behind at a slower pace, your weight nothing against him

why was he not moving??

if you felt cold in your long padded coat, how could jihoon possibly feel okay?

“take slow steps.” jihoon fussed, well aware of how clumsy you were. 

and sure enough, the sole on your shoes slides a bit on your next step before you regain graceless balance

“walk slowly, or else you’re going to trip” he glanced at the icy floors, before loosening your grip. 

taking careful steps to catch up to you

and you feel a blast of cold air hit you when jihoon peels the thick coat off you, draping it over his shoulders

before wrapping both him and the coat around you

oh. 

suddenly, you don’t really feel like it’s winter either. the snow is almost therapeutic against your burning skin

“y/n. i’d never leave you alone.”

“i know i was just overthinking. it’s fine. you’re here now.���

huddled over your body as the two of you stay unmoving as the snow falls around you, you feel him wrap his arms around your waist, jihoon nuzzling into the crook of your neck

“it’s not fine. i like you so much but you don’t even know. you thought that i wouldn’t come meet you.”

what don’t i know?

“jihoon–”

arms wrap a little tighter around you, heat spreading through the numerous layers of clothes you have on

warming your heart

“you're the reason i’m not cold in winter, that i can smile through bad weather. so stay by my side and continue making my winters a little warmer.”

[mimidorika]

My top 5 Kunoichis

5. Hinata Hyuga

she wears her heart on her sleeve and I respect that. 

Still confused on wtf her hair color is. 

SHE IS NOT THE FRAGILE WEAKLING OTHER PEOPLE SAY,   BREAK THAT NOTION. 

Delicate flower but can still pulverize u, noob. 

Chakra points crusher co-co-co-combooo. 

In dire need of a stylist, tbh. I VOLUNTEER.

Her crippling shyness struck us hard cuz u know deep down u can relate to that shit. 

Her love for Naruto is either adorably romantic or terrifyingly stalker-like, and I love it either way. 

Naruto would be like, restraining-order-no-jutsu! Just a joke. jeez lighten up.

SHE IS MORE THAN JUST HER BREASTS. 

Whenever i look at her angelic face it makes my non existent dick so hard and i dunno whyyyy wtf is this withcraft?!

4. Sakura Haruno

let’s be honest, there is a lot of hate and flak about her…and frankly my dear i don’t give a damn.

She does not deserve that kind of treatment. 

SHE DID SOME REALLY STUPID SHIT BUT HEY, SHE IS HUMAN.   SHE IS FLAWED AND IT’S OK. 

She already proved she is a fucking titan. Ya just can’t mess with her.

SHE WILL END YOU. 

She can rip yo asshole in half and would still have time to rip u another asshole, too. 

SHE AIN’T THE SAME CRYBABY AS BEFORE THO SHE STILL IS, MAYBE JUST A LITTLE BIT. Have u seen the op & ed songs of the series? Why is she always crying? 

STAHP. IT’S OK TO CRY, JUST NOT ALL THE TIME. KEEP IT TOGETHER, GUUURL

Tsunade is so proud that she surpassed her in every way. Maybe not in the chest area though. FOR THAT she is relieved.

MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCATE. 

She bloomed into one of the greatest shinobis of her generation. 

THE DOCTOR WHO WILL EITHER HEAL YOUR PAIN OR BE THE CAUSE OF IT. 

Pink hair, don’t care. Fabulouuusss

3. Kushina Uzumaki 

She is the OG. All hail supreme goddess! 

JUST TAKE A MOMENT AND GAZE UPON THY CHILI SAUCE OF BEAUTY. 

She’s got guts, strength, charm and a nine-tailed beast cursed inside of her so ya better watch out, fam. 

SHE FUCKING SACRIFICED HERSELF ALONG WITH MINATO TO SAVE THEIR CHILD. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AT ITS FINEST.

Heart of gold

HER FLAMING RED HAIR REMINDS ME OF TENTACLE PORN. I KNOW! LIKE WTF?! 

Her WARM SMILE just lights up the perpetual darkness in my soul.

Dominated, conquered all them haters with her fierceness

MinaKushi is definitely relationship goals. 

ANGER MANAGEMENT CANNOT HANDLE HER. 

I cry everytime she and naruto have their family moments in the series. It’s like they remind me that I ain’t dead inside yet & that comforts me a lot. 

NOT YOUR TYPICAL HOUSEWIFE, YEAH SHE WILL MAKE U A SANDWICH AND IF U TICK HER OFF, SHE WILL SHOVE IT DOWN YER THROAT WITH NO REGRETS. 

 Easily has the best mom award hands down.

2. Tenten  

She will smack all the sense into you when you really need it. She is practically your idiot-avoidance therapist. be grateful

CUTEST LITTLE PATOOTIE YOU WILL EVER SEE

Oriental Aesthetic.

She is a lowkey comedian. I snicker at the thought of her traditional humor. Yeah fuck you, kishimoto she is hilarious af in my headcanon

FEMINIST ICON 

The big sister you wish you had. 

Dayum her fashion sense is always on point, teach me sensei. 

Lee’s own anchor, believe me he needs it. 

PETITION FOR TENTEN TO HAVE HER OWN DAMN SPIN-OFF SERIES.

She does not have a surname and we all know people with only one name are fucking lit. (Madonna, Beyonce, Adele, Eminem, Prince… Enya?) wtf

Her hard work and determination gives me hope. 

NEVER EVER UNDERESTIMATE HER, THEM BLADES WOULD CHOP YOU OFF FROM A MILE AWAY, HER AIM GAME IS FUCKING STRONG. 

Weapons Merchant in the streets, Weapons dominatrix in the sheets. 

SHE DESERVED BETTER

underneath those cute chinese hair buns and soft brown eyes are heaps of badassery & metal tools that will kill yer sorry ass. 

YA KNOW, HER KUNAIS DON’T LIE

1. Ino Yamanaka 

well, obviously were u even that surprised? Beauty, brains & talent all rolled into one gorgeous creature.

SHE IS THE QUEEN

 An overachiever, she is a botanist, a skilled medic, a housewife, topnotch interrogator, owns a flower shop, probably the head of her clan. Like wtf ino how do u do it? I can’t even balance jack shit in my life. 

SHIPPER’S PARADISE. I ship her with literally anybody. Just not with Akamaru but, if that floats your boat then you better get checked right away, hun.

I wanna know her brand of lipstick, Girl knows her make up, SALUTE.

HER LONG BLONDE HAIR IS A MUTHAFUCKIN WEAPON I S2G, LOOK IT UP. 

Miss Sunshine to all, Miss Annoying to Shikamaru. 

SHE STANDS UP TO BULLIES AND MAKES THEM REGRET PICKING ON OTHER PEOPLE. A+++

Her mind games will fuck you up.

HER FRIENDSHIP WITH SAKURA IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER. 

You secretly wish she was your bestie in real life too pls don’t deny it. 

I HAVE NEVER LOVED PURPLE SO DAMN MUCH.

Her knowledge of flowers and their meanings tho. 

YOU CAN NEVER GO WRONG WITH THEM YAMANAKA GENES

I have a soft spot for sky blue eyes i’m so sorry. Nope not even sorry at all.

SORRY LEE, SORRY GUY-SENSEI BUT THERE IS A NEW SEXY BEAST IN KONOHA NOW

Beware, her loud mouth has no stop signal. 

SASSY INO IS THE BEST INO

[findingaliceinadarkplace]

Because I am a very bored insomniac/

1 - Who was the last person you texted? My big sister.

2 - When is your birthday? In the summer (not giving a date to remain anonymous). 

3 - Who do you want to be with right now? Would be nice to be with all of my siblings (both biological and unoficially adopted), my partner, my bestie and her partner. 

4 - What sports do you play? I really don’t to be honest, I do like to swim though. 

5 - Who is the first person in your contacts? My besties partner (its alphabetical and hes an A). 

6 - What is your favorite song as of the moment? Currently really into Galway girl or Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran 

7 - If you were stranded on an island, who do you wish to be with? My partner, bestie or big sister, I think any of them could be grounded and level headed enough to get us off the island. 

8 - What do you feel right now? Rising panic about deadlines, super tired, looking forward to visiting the zoo on monday. 

9 - What chocolate is your favorite? Cadburys. 

10 - How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have? A few, but only one serious.

11 - Why did you create a Tumblr account? A friend was on it and I wanted to see what all of the hype was about, that was about 6 years ago now and I am still at it.

12 - Who is your favorite blogger? Really awful but I dont know anyone as such, I like all of the blogs that I follow but I dont pay much attention to usernames. 

13 - Where do you want to be right now? Near the sea. 

14 - What do you want to be in the future? I want to be a counsellor, 

15 - When was the last time you cried? Why? Earlier today, I had a low blood suagr and was attempting and failing to open a tin of tuna, I was crying at my failure (things which arent really tings become things when you are low). 

16 - Are you happy? Not overly, I have moments of happy, but I arent at my best right now.

17 - Who do you miss? All of my siblings, bioligcal and adopted. 

18 - If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life? Yes and no, I have a dark past which I am still trying to get over, and given the chance i would love to make myself more confident, more able to love life and not be such a pain in the ass, but my life and all of its shit has brought me to the people i know and love today and i cant escape that fact, and i love the people who i do love all the more vigorously because I had such a shitty start, so in some ways it has been a blessing as well as a curse. 

19 - What was the best thing you were given? My big sisters trust. 

20 - Who was the last person who called you? My besties partner. 

21 - What is your favorite dish? Fajitas. 

22 - Who is your bestfriend? I wont name her, but she is a beauty and she is wonderful and i love her to bits. 

23 - What is your biggest regret? Not speaking up about my abuse sooner than I did, and leaving my younger siblings/. 

24 - Have you ever cheated on your partner? Never. 

25 - Who do you spend crazy moments with? Partner, bestie, big sister. 

26 - Name someone pretty. My bestie. 

27 - Who was the last person you hugged? My partner. 

28 - What kind of music do you listen to? Absolutley anything, I like most things. 

29 - Are you over your past? Not even fucking close, I wish i was though/ 

30 - Who is the last person in your contacts? A dickhead who I was forced into group work with, I really need to delete his number because I’d be happy never to see the bastard again in my life. 

31 - What kind of person do you want to date? Already dating and I am happy with him, he pisses me off and gets on my nerves, but also wont take too much of my shit and can keep me in check when its needed, hes a good balance.

32 - Do you have troubles sleeping at night? Yes, I am up here writing answers to this thing because I am having trouble sleeping. 

33 - From whom was the last text message you received? My big sister.

34 - What do you prefer, jeans or skirt? Jeans.

35 - How’s your heart? Hurting, broken at times and clogged up with junk food, but also kind when it wants to be. 

36 - Did you ever have a girlfriend/boyfriend whose name starts with a “J”? I did a very long time ago, his name was Josh. 

37 - Do you like someone as of the moment? Yeah, I kind of like my partner. 

38 - What would you want to say to your latest ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend? Fucking hit us up once in a while, we all miss having you around (seriously, I am on good terms with him). 

39 - Do you have any phobias? dark, spiders, heights, snakes, men, car horns, small spaces, being trapped, the list is pretty extensive. 

40 - Did you try to change for a person? Yes, for my parents, and everytime they werent bothered and I felt like shit so i have stopped trying now. 

41 - What’s the nicest thing have you given to someone? I wrote my bestie a full notebook full of quptes which are inspiring and hopefully make her feel stronger and then gave it to her a couple of christmasses ago, it made her cry. 

42 - Would you go back to your previous relationship? Nope, I am happy with my current one/ 

43 - Are you in a good or bad mood? Neither, I am feeling pretty neurtal.

44 - Name someone you can’t live without. Partner, bestie, siblings (bio and adopted). 

45 - Describe your dream date. A carpet picnic with all my favourite foods and fizzy pop, followed by the making of a den and watching disney films while being chilled, lots of laughing. 

46 - Describe your dream wedding. Unusual, i want things which are slightly more non-traditiona. I want a tea length dress, but i also want a pair of white converse because i hate heels or anyything too girly. There have to be lights everywhere, I want to feel as though there are stars surrounding me even when i am inside. for the first dance i want it to finish with a kind of flashmob. if anybody is bored at all i will be unhappy, i want lots of laughter and people being together. The colour scheme is pink and blue, to match my engagement ring and our favourite colours.

47 - How many roses did you receive last Valentine’s? None, we dont celebrate it. 

48 - Have you ever been kissed? Lots. 

49 - How long is your longest relationship? 5 years and counting.  

50 - Do you regret your past? Some of it, not all.

51 - Can you do something stupid for someone else? I have done on multiple occasions, but if it helps them it isnt stupid. 

52 - Have you ever cried over someone? lots of times. 

53 - Do you have a grudge against anyone? A few people, i’d like to say i dont but i would be lying. 

54 - Are you a crybaby? At certain things, at other thing i am the most hard faced bitch in the world. 

55 - Do people praise you for your looks? My partner and bestie do at times, i think they lie though. 

56 - Did you fall for someone you shouldn’t? Once when i was younger, onlly because he was gay though and apparently i was the only person in the world who couldnt see it/. 

57 - Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret? Yeah, I said a few choice words to someone who was a horrible, nasty piece of work. I shpouldnt have done it, but i dont regret it to this day. 

58 - Do you like getting hurt? No, but from the amount i do you’d think I do. 

59 - Does anyone hate you? Probably, i tried to take my abuser to court so at the very least I imagine he and his family hate me. 

60 - Did you slap anyone whose name starts with an “R”? Never slapped anyone. 

61 - What hair color do you prefer? I love bright colours, give me a pink or a blue anyday, I did it once before but i arent brave enough to do it again and it is a pain in the ass if you want to change colour again. 

62 - If you can change anything about yourself, what is it? My reaction to trauma/ 

63 - Do you love someone as of the moment? yes.

64 - Have you ever thought of killing yourself? yes.

65 - Do you have issues with somebody in your school? I’m at uni, and i did up until about a month ago but theyre no longer in my life so its fine now. 

66 - Can you live without internet? Yes but it would be a struggle I imagine.

67 - What’s the song that remind you of your special someone? We found love, Rhianna/ 

68 - Are you good at holding back your tears? Sometimes and around some people. not so much around certain others. 

69 - Are you a crybaby? Sometimes. 

70 - Have you ever experienced being hysterical? Most of my life/. 

71 - Are you a KPOP fan? Not overly.

72 - Do you study hard? When panic overtakes me.

73 - Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love? yes, my mental health and almost sanity to protect my siblings. 

74 - Did you ever had a kiss under the moonlight? yes.

75 - Have you ever ridden a boat? yes. 

76 - Did you have an accident last year? Yes, every flaming day of the year probably, i am accident prone, 

77 - What kind of person are you? Id like to think i am caring and compassionate, I am very quick witted, sarcastic and stubborn as a mule. Easily anxious, but I will do anything if i love someone enough, it takes me a long time to trust though and i am wary of poeple which might make me seem standoffish at times. 

78 - Have you ever thought of killing someone? i had a really bad intrusive thought once about stabbing my abusive stepmother, but i am in control of myself so i put down the knife (it was a butter knife and wouldnt have done any harm anyway) and went into a other room and went back to finish my food later. I dont think i could deal with bbeing a murderer. 

79 - Have you ever been jealous? Not really. 

80 - How can you prove your love to someone? Be there for them always, let ythem know you wont leave them and supportthem even when they are being difficult and when thir demons dont play well with yur own/ 

81 - What are you thinking right now? How much id love to sleep.

82 - Who is the 6th person in your contacts? Another member from that infernal group whose number I also need to delete to have them truly removed from my life. 

83 - Do you have any memories you want to erase? oh yeah, the vast majority of my childhood. 

84 - Have you been hurt so bad that you can’t find words to explain how you feel? yes, so many times. 

85 - Did you ever badmouth someone? of course, but only to my bestie and that doesnt count, shes a sounding board as i am to her. 

86 - Have you ever had an argument with someone? of course, I have lived over 20 years  you’re bound to argue with someone in that time. 

87 - Do you have trust issues? Massive ones. 

88 - Are you broken-hearted? Somedays/ 

89 - Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”? My partner. 

90 - Do you think all the pain is worth it? Jury’s out. I have been told it is but I arent sure, and I arent sure I am really qualified to make that opinion yet. 

91 - Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”? Nom i wasnt abused as a child because it 3wwas meant to be, my life isnt a fucking superhero movie, i was abused because a sick fuck abused me, there is no higher power or bigger picture to it, it was just shit. 

92 - Who do you want to marry?My partner. 

93 - Do you believe in destiny? Not really.

94 - Have you ever thought “I already found my soulmate”? I dont do soulmate, but I have already found the person i want to spend the rest of my life with/ 

95 - How do you look right now? Like utter shite. 

96 - Do you believe that first true love never dies? yes

97 - Have you found your true love? i hope so

98 - What should you be doing right now? sleeping or studying

99 - Name one of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends.nope/ 

100 - Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough? all the fucking time. 

[recentanimenews]

INTERVIEW: Science Saru Co-Founder On Yuasa's Habit of Googling Himself

Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! is a show that's in love with animation. The show is joyful in its depiction of how our favorite anime come to life and the human connections and love behind the scenes that power all of that hard work. At last year's Anime NYC, we had the wonderful opportunity to meet with one of the people behind this very special show! Along with director Masaaki Yuasa, Eunyoung Choi is one of the co-founders of Science SARU, the animation studio behind DEVILMAN crybaby and Night is Short, Walk On Girl among others, where she acts as a producer. In this interview, Choi talked with us about Eizouken, Science SARU's unique approach to animation and the studio's upcoming project!

  Eunyoung Choi (Producer and Co-Founder at @ScienceSARU) tells us how Keep Your Hands off Eizouken! became an anime!! ✍️✨ pic.twitter.com/tEoYxZR88V

— Crunchyroll (@Crunchyroll) January 12, 2020

   Miles Thomas: Could you please introduce yourself to the Crunchyroll Audience?

Choi: I’m Eunyoung. I’m a producer and co-founder of Science SARU. I started my work here as an animator first, and then animation director, and director, and eventually I got to producer.

And so what are you doing here at Anime NYC?

Choi: I am here to promote Eizouken...I don’t know the title in English. Eizouken is fine? Promoting Eizouken and meeting fans. And seeing New York City as well!

Could you tell us about how you first felt when you found out that you would be premiering the first 50 minutes of the series here in New York City?

Choi: I mean, it’s amazing to show the first episode here in New York City, and I love meeting fans. I love to see the reaction of the fans. We worked on Eizouken for about a year and then we completed the first episode. We are pretty happy about the result so I like to see what other people think about it.

The story is about the cast turning their anime dreams into reality, but what does that mean exactly?

They love animation! One character likes focusing on designs or the concepts, you know? The other focuses on characters and animation. They couldn’t output animation as individuals, but with the right team, eventually, it happens! It’s kind of beautiful. I love to experience that process as an animation team. It’s a great concept.

Do you think it makes it easier or harder to adapt a series that’s about the process of making anime?

Choi: I mean, I don’t think it’s easier or harder, but it’s definitely really fun. We talk about the actual animators, how they do what they do. We put those ideas into the project and then...I don’t know, it’s fun. It’s very fun! And of course, sometimes we bring the hard reality into the series as well, but you know, that is reality. I think it's a really unique project.

So how does Eizouken approach the issues in the animation industry? Do you think it’s fairly reflective of the challenges you and your peers face?

Choi: I mean, it’s kind of reflecting the industry, but as a high school student, it's a little bit lighter. Also, they have such a positive attitude toward making animation. It’s good to see a high school student purely enjoying the process of animation. As professionals, that's how it felt when we started, so it was good to see that whole process anew again. It’s a kind of pure enjoyment.

But as a seasoned professional you seem to still have a lot of that youthful passion yourself. Do you feel like you still have a lot of that young energy in your work, working in animation?

Choi: I mean, I still have it, but it's different now. It's like I have a more realistic point of view. You need to have a certain process and talk to the right people or the right team. Sometimes it isn't pure, 100% enjoyment. You need to think logically and deliver the product on time. On the other hand, when you watch the girls in Eizouken purely enjoying the process, it brings back that feeling. It's kind of easy to forget that sometimes.

So, Science SARU has been making a lot of films recently. There’s Night is Short, Walk on Girl which I absolutely adored, Ride Your Wave, which I cannot wait to see... Do you see Science SARU doing more film production, or are you balancing film and television series?

Choi: We're definitely trying to find the balance of more feature films and more TV production as well. Making a feature film is the dream, right? So there's a lot of enjoyment there. And putting something you worked on in the cinema is such an amazing thing to do. On the other hand, making a TV series is like... I really like the speed of the projects and getting to work with new talent, getting to interact with the younger generation of animators. You get to work on some new ideas and there are new visual styles and new vibes. We love them both! By doing TV shows we can renew our talent pool and search for new talent. We're so eager for new ideas and new talent, otherwise, you just get stuck with the same old system and people and you just repeat the same thing over and over again. It's a good challenge!

Speaking of good challenges, Science SARU employs many different animation techniques than most anime studios. Would you care tot alk about your thoughts on Science SARU’s unique approach to animation?

Choi: We're sort of different...I mean I guess we are the same as other studios in some ways...actually in most ways, to be honest. Like...70%. It's the same sort of system, the process isn't that different. But that leftover 30% is made up of things like using new software, for example. Like, if we find a more efficient tool, we don't hesitate to test out new tools and processes. We also work with a lot of people outside of Japan, our team is really multicultural. The majority of animators and talent are still Japanese, but on the other hand, we're very open to hiring people outside of Japan. We've tried to keep that mindset of not being afraid to try out new things and work with new people. For example, our first feature film, Lu Over the Wall was done all in Flash animation. Of course, we mix that with the love of traditional, hand-drawn animation. But after that hand-drawn stage, we film with Flash animation. And we do that with a very small team. It's about...8 people, yeah.

That’s incredible!

Choi: Yeah, without that tool, we wouldn't have been able to get that film out in two years. It would've been impossible, you know? With that tool, we were able to do that, even with a really small team.

So what are some of the artistic benefits of having such a small team working on a project?

Choi: Small teams have a lot of benefits. Of course, the director needs to explain their vision, which no one has seen up to that point, right? Basically, he needs to explain what the project is going to be and what his vision for that project is. But if we have more people, it's easier to miscommunicate or have someone misunderstand what the director means or something like that. If we have a small team, there's a strong understanding among the team members of the project. It's much easier to move forward, so I love working with small teams! On the other hand, when we have bigger teams, we have a lot more ideas flying around. They have really different vibes, but I love them both.

I saw Yuasa-san talking last year in Berkley and he mentioned you in almost every sentence. He continued to talk about you the whole time as you being the big driver at Science SARU for a lot of innovations.

Choi: Oh, he did?!

He acted like you were the one in charge of the way he was talking! I was very impressed. And a lot of us in the western fandom have heard similar things about how you are a big driving force.

What is something special that you’ve brought to Science SARU? What are some of your biggest contributions to the company?

Choi: Well, I'm not Japanese and I'm also an animator. I also handle a lot of the business side as a producer as well. I studied in London and, at that time, I used Flash animation. All that previous experience like working with foreign studios, like French studios, for example, gave me the chance to meet so many talented people. I met really good Flash animators who were super talented. Meeting those people and having those experiences with them helped a lot when we started Science SARU. I had some ideas, I worked in the Japanese animation industry about 15 years when I co-founded the company. My fundamental knowledge of making animation is from Japan, but I also have some European influence and from other countries too. It really helped me to have new ideas and inspiration to look for talent in the next generation and look toward the future. For me, those goals are what Science SARU is all about. Saru means "monkey," so it's like "Science," logic and business and technology, plus "SARU," like intuition, inspiration, art, and like...primal ideas and creativity. That human sort of feeling, you know? It's about the beauty of both of those aspects. It has to be together. To make a film with amazing ideas and that pure enjoyment factor, you need the logical, practical business side as well. With those two ideas combined, we can make animation that makes people happy. Those were the founding principles of Science SARU, and they still are today.

Science SARU's next project, Japan Sinks 2020 was recently announced and you described it as the "latest challenge." Why is this project so challenging?

(Ed. note–Japan Sinks 2020 is an upcoming Scienc SARU series directed by Masaaki Yuasa which will adapt a 1973 sci-fi novel of the same name by Sakyo Komatsu. It tells the story of scientists who discover that Japan will sink into the sea after a series of earthquakes and volcanoes hit the country.)

Choi: With Japan Sinks...the theme isn't really easy to jump into, you know? In the beginning, I was like, are we sure we want to go with that title? It's not easy for people to think "Oh, that must be fun, let's do it!" It's not like that. So, we thought about it really carefully and then after we had the earthquake happen, it felt like it was worth it to try. Japan Sinks 2020 is difficult to talk about, but we wanted to confront it. And we want to focus on and talk about the people, you know? We want to focus on the people instead of the situation or the government or the country. We want to make it more like daily life. Like a personal thing.

"Personal thing"?

  Choi: It's a very challenging project. The look and feel of the show is challenging because we haven't tried that sort of realistic kind of vibe with series or films much before. Hopefully, it will still feel like Science SARU even though we're trying out this new direction. I hope you guys enjoy it.

  I cannot wait.

Key art for the upcoming Japan Sinks 2020

Could you describe Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken! for me?

Choi: So, it's a show about three high school girls trying to make animation. There are a lot of enjoyable moments, and it really shows their imagination. Yuasa used that opportunity to make some really magical moments. There are a lot of instances like that that are beautiful and enjoyable. There are so many ideas at play! I think you all will really enjoy it.

I noticed in the first episode that the world of Eizouken feels very fantastical but still grounded in reality. It feels like the characters of the anime are almost self-aware that they are in an anime, they realize they’re in a fantastical environment. How did you convey that on screen? How did you convey the magic and also the reality at the same time of making an anime in these characters' lives?

Choi: So, basically, those scenes you were describing are what they are imagining, right? Because of that, it's really important if we have one of the characters think of a solution for the animation, for that solution to pop into being right there. It's a way to make that idea special, making the show that sort of reality. It's subtle. We show daily life in a realistic way but then when the characters are imagining something, the setting becomes a lot more fantastical. It's pretty amazing!

Do you have any final thoughts you’d like to give to people who either are gonna watch Eizouken or are fans of Science SARU in general?

Choi: If you're already a fan of Science SARU, then you probably know about the projects we're working on, but I would say to you that there are so many cool ideas in the show. Masaaki Yuasa, especially, contributed unique and enjoyable ideas to the series. On the other hand, if you aren't familiar with Science SARU, anyone who is a fan of anime or animation, in general, will get to see the process of how we animate. I think there are so many things animation fans can enjoy in this series!

Is there any other message you’d like to send to anime fans in the West just in general? Anything you’d like to say to the anime watching public at large?

Choi: I studied animation in London, outside of Japan, but on the other hand, I'm working in the animation industry in Japan. There is a big struggle there and it's hard to make anime because there's a very specific, limited timeline and a limited budget. But there's a lot of creative freedom too, and that's where the enjoyable moments are. I hope that people can understand and enjoy those moments. There's so much great animation coming out of Japan, so please keep watching all fo them! They're all amazing, I can't say it enough.

Yesterday at the panel you shared a story about how Yuasa-san had read the manga Eizouken prior to being offered the opportunity to work on it. Could you tell me about how it happened?

Choi: When we talk about a new project, we talk about manga, novels or original stories. One project, Eizouken, came up and surprisingly [Yuasa] knew the title. I said, "Oh, you don’t really read manga because we don’t have enough time to check every single title." But he said, "Oh I know Eizouken." I asked how he knew, and he said "I do 'Ego Search.'" Like, searching for your name. In Japanese, we say "Ego Search." Then he’s looking for his name, Masaaki Yuasa and then Eizouken came up and he said: “What is Eizouken?” Somebody said like, Masaaki Yuasa should make an Eizouken anime, and then he knew about the manga. It was a nice surprise, you know? He knew the title and then said ok, let’s check it out, and then maybe make an Eizouken anime?

I love that story. Thank you so much for everything you shared. This was fantastic, I’m really glad we got to talk to you today.

Choi: Thank you.

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com