#lexi you light up my day every time i talk to you

[urfavblackbimbo]

Heyy y’all this is my first story sooo please be nice🫣I’ve been watching snowfall for the past month and I’m in love with Franklin Saint he is soo sexy I couldn’t stop writing about him, and this is just my version of franklin saint if he had day one type chick you know, this takes place in season one.

Word count: 3.8K words 18+ mdi!

Summary: this OC(Alexia“Lexi”Johnson) and Franklin Saint mostly I'm going to work in everyone on the show, but it will be about them. in this chapter we are getting to know these beautiful people and h how they survive in south central in the crack-cocaine business.

Warning: AFAB reader, n-word usage, cursing, grinding, dry humping, fingering, eating out, blowjob, over the pants handsy. I think that is all of it. (Franklin is 19 and reader is 19)

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“Hey momma, you think I could go out to the skating rink to to hang out with some of my friends?” as you stand here nervously waiting for her to say yes she’s just staring at the television mindlessly watching Good times “mhmm and whose is going to be there?’’ looking up at you waiting for your answer and not even realizing you were picking at your necklace that Franklin gave you over last summer it’s was a gold necklace butterfly pendant with a green dots eyes and when you asked him where the hell did he get all this money for the necklace, he just tells her “I’m just runnin’ a business, aight.” and being every confused on what he meant you just decided to leave it alone and walked up to him, wrapping your arms around his neck standing on your toes and kissed him on the cheek “thank you for this Frankie, I really appreciate it.” feeling his arms wrapping his arms around your waist pulling you closer and bringing you tighter “of course Lexi.”

Your momma starts coughin’ to cutting into you train of thought and looking up at you, waiting for your answer “well it’s gonna be me, kevin, leon and uhh franklin” you say nervously and coming with a quick lie “and melody with be there as well” actually you didn’t know if melody was working today hopefully she wasn’t ,she just made the excuse she so she can leave and see her friends “I don’t like you hangin’ around them boys Lexi the neighborhood is talking about them” “O my goodness momma I just want to hang out with my friends! That’s it!” “HEY ALEXIA I just don’t want you to be in their shit 'cause look at your father he was in the game as well and look where he AT!!” slamming her hand down on the light brown coffee table as she yelled, it shook the table so hard that all of her cigarettes buds fell all over the yellow ugly shag carpet that they have, huffing out a sigh you walked to the carpet picking up all of the buds on the ground you’re mom tapping her foot away she looking of into the distance you look you at her to say “momma I just want to hang out with friends. please?” as you rise to walk into the kitchen throwing all of her buds in the trash.

“Okay you can go to the rink, but can you get me a pack of smokes for me baby, just go around the corner at Cho’s for me.” “okay momma I will.” turning your back to go in to your room to grab you purse your mother stops you “ a-and make sure you clean you room as well looks like bull ran through a china shop in there!” you rolled eyes as to walking in to your room ,stuffing all your clothes into your closet and making up you bed quickly, you take a quick look around your room satisfied enough to your mom thinking that it’s clean.

Your momma hands you a crispy twenty dollar bill “you can keep the change in case you want to get something at the rink." her smiling sweetly at you “thanks momma I’ll be back with your smokes and then I’ll leave.” you kissed her on her cheek saying your goodbyes as you were about to walk out when your mom grabs your wrist to stop you “look baby I know they are your friends but they are not just selling dope, it’s much more than that okay I just don’t want you to get hurt is all." you replied "I know momma ill be back, I promise."

As you walked around the block you hear arguing “nigga you know that the bitches loooove me why do think that the always pagin’ me -oh this is one of my bitches right now hold on.” you hear some running towards you “oh Lexi how have you have been?” You look up to see kevin “hi kevin hear one of your bitches is calling you,the pay phone is just around the corner.” You see Kevin looking down at the ground,almost starting to see him to blush “oh yeah I didn’t known you heard all that.” you put your hand on his shoulder “ it’s okay kevin I know it was your momma. You’re secret is safe with me.” you giggle with your teeth glowing and your eyes pulling down to look at his pager and looking to see if it was his momma and your were in shock that you didn’t recognize the number on the screen, hearing kevin sighed he hears his page go off again he starts to walk to towards the pay phone “bye lexi see you later -aye I’m still gonna see you at roller rink right?!” “Yeah, I’ll be there.” as you see kevin walking away he turns “cool.”

You turn the corner to see a a short king with a beautiful crown on his head “aye what’s up leon is that one of your bitches pagin’ you too?” you see Leon pull his into a smirk and then to smile “uhh naw actually I’m tryin to get this paper, I was going to pick up from this plug I know.” your mother’s words started to bounce around in your head “it’s much more than that.” what was she tryin to say because you know the only thing more addicting than weed would be cocaine, what could be more addicting than that? Leon puts his hand out to dab you up, you grin at leon to put you hand out as well and you do your handshake since the same one that y’all knowin for years, you both snap your fingers at the same time, you push leon away from the door “aight nigga I’ll see you later at the rink and you ready to get your skate on.” you doin a little dance in front of the door, giving franklin a front row seat to see you dancing “yeah right lexi you don’t know how to skate with the two left feet that you got.” flipping him off while you continue your dancing you do spin around to have you back to be facing the door you start bend you knees to start twerking, shaking your ass up against the door.

Franklin is just standing there staring at the glass door,he couldn’t believe to see lexi,his Alexia to be gyrating like that he’s never seen her move like that before, something sparked in his eyes, he felt his stomach to grow warm spreading down to his dick starting to feeling it to grow more and more “shit” looking down to see his sporting a chub on him now before he can move he hears the door bell ringing.

“Oh hey Frankie what’cha doin down there?” you labored breaths flowing through your body, looking down at franklin to see him looking at the merchandise fixing the potatoes chips even though there all right side up, looking over his shoulder “sup lexi I didn’t even hear you comin’?” looking at franklin slowly standing up to his full height to look at her. Their stares were longing, franklin had a little fro goin’ on with his red and white baseball shirt and his khakis, making his chocolate skin just mhmm, bringing you eyes lower looking at his khakis to see that he has a wet spot on the side of his pants, you gasp, turning your head so fast to the gum ball machine at the corner of the store, digging in your pocket to find loose change.

It was quiet, you accidentally drop a quarter on the floor it startling them both franklin ran to the bathroom to clean up his pants, closing and locking the door "fucckk" grabbing the papertowels to wipe everything off of him then the thoughts were coming back to him, the way lexi was moving her body it was incredible he couldn't believe that the same shy little girl that lived two house down from him when they first met, for her to be moving her ass like that, franklin hears his name being called "frankiee?”

Hearing the toilet flush you turn your head, seeing franklin coming outta the bathroom looking nervous, his eyes were looking everywhere but on you, trying not to make things awkward you spark up the conversation "so, are you still comin' the rink with me, leon, and kevin?" "hell yeah I'll be there but after my shift I was gonna go home and change my clothes I smell like sweat." you stiffen you laugh "yeah me too my back is already sweating just from my house -oh can I get a pack of camels?" "l've never token you to be a smoker lexi?" as he is ringing you up, you bust out laughing to the point where her stomach was hurting, the giggle fades out of you, you grab your purse to take your money out, franklin exchange to give your exact change back. saying your see you later's you run back to your house so can give your momma her cigs and get pretty for the rink.

You look at yourself in the mirror, your afro is pick out in a perfect circle, your makeup has a little shimmer in the corner of your eyes to make them pop, winged liner, and glossy lips. You put on your necklace on you, ‘bitch you look sooo good’ saying to yourself, top was dark red halter top and booty shorts to show off your thick and smooth legs, you put on your chucks on and walk out your room, before you leave you put a note on the coffee table ‘hey mom I left your cigs on the table, I’m going to the rink I love you. love,alexia’ you locked up your house to walk towards the rink, you see Mr.Wright sitting on his porch chair reading the newspaper, you wave at him smiley like he waves back then looking back at the newspaper.

You walk inside the rink to look for your friends, you hear someone calling your name, “AYE LEXI!” fully turning your body to see your friends, sitting on a bench putting on their skates “hey y’all, I still need to get me some skates actually I’ll be back” walking towards skate rack “hey I’ll come with you.” you see franklin almost losing his balance with the skates he had on, leon and kevin were laughing at franklin, at his demise”aye how was that trip nigga?” coming from the both of them, regaining his balance he flips them off “aye fuck y’all.” laughing at the same time.

You walk up to see melody working at the rack 'fuck' you thought to yourself, you see melody helping a customer giving her skates and grabbing her shoes and leaving, you walk up to the front and say your hello’s “hey melody, workin’hard?” “hey lexi, and no it’s pretty boring right now I might have to come out there and show y’all a thing or two.” while looking at franklin smirking, you weren’t blind to know that there is something between Franklin and melody, but that didn’t stop you to shut that shit down “well maybe, frankie here is going to be my skate partner today, maybe another time?” “okay.” while looking up and down at you, you grab your skates to go sit down, franklin is following you like a lost puppy, lacing up your skates, rolling into the rink.

In the corner of your eyes you see kevin mackin’ to some girl by the snack bar and Leon is skating by himself, slowly approaching behind him to scare him, you smack his shoulder, leon falls backwards on his ass “FUCK! LEXI YOU PLAYIN’ TOO MUCH!” “oh come on lee I’m just fuckin’ with you.” rolling backwards “yea-yeah aye check out our boy he looks like his the one with the two left feet” looking up to see franklin holding on to the rail slowly moving so he won’t get hit “hey I’ll be back,you good?” “yeah nigga I’m good.’’ you leave leon to skate up to franklin, looking at him, he’s wearing a dark green shirt with some black jeans, wrapping your hands his waist slowly pushing him forward “ay-aye stop it.” looking stern at you, spinning around rolling backwards, holding you hand out “come on, frankie skate with me?” you pout your lips, franklin let’s go of the rail to follow her with both of their hands interlocking.

The lights were changing into multicolored lights of pink, blue, red,and green colors were flashing everywhere with a disco ball shimmering the rink, lexi still holding franklin, the dj turns on the mic ‘alright y’all we gonna slow it down lil’bit for all the couples out there’ switching the song to Fire and Desire by the one and only Rick James, slowly stoping your skates turning to franklin “hey I think I’m gonna hoop off.” franklin looking confused “no don’t go, I still want to skate with you.”

You reluctantly nod your head and continue to skate, spinning your body around having your back towards him, franklin comes up behind you, putting his hands around your waist, you feel his breath on your neck, kissing up your throat he pulls you up to the corner of the rink, stopping right in front of you, and you look at him like really looking at him, staring into his brown eyes, those eyes that can tell a story in a matter of minutes, those full lips they look so soft you wonder how they would feel on other parts of your body, franklin stops your train of thought “aight gonna be honest with you.” you shook head nervously “come on let’s go sit down so we can talk.”

You both walk to the furthest table which was a slightly unlit area, with the music playing softly, both of you sitting across each other, franklin grabs your hands his thumb rubbing the spot between your thumb and your pointer finger, he takes a breather to tell you what’s on his mind, but you beat him to the punch “frankie whatever you have to tell me, it will be okay, we can still be friends okay.” “that’s just the thing Alexia, I just don’t want to be just friends.” “What do you mean?” you slowly put your head down, feeling disappointed, this is it he doesn’t want you, he wants melody “I-l want y-you to be my girlfriend.” Realizing what he said. “what?” franklin leaning backwards to get a look at her glittering eyes “yeah I want you to be my girlfriend.” still trying to process on what he said “o-okay.” franklin has a toothy grin spreading across his lips, he leans over to grab your face to bring you in, but he stops just a few inches away from your lips, looking into her “Alexia,will be my girlfriend?” Asking for reassurance one more time you nod your head.

You push face forward, finally felling his soft and luscious lips on you, you couldn’t stop even if you wanted to you couldn’t, slipping his tongue in your mouth, you moan “o-oh god.” biting your lip but you stop “wait.” franklin looks frazzled, you put his hand on his chest “as much I love kissing you I don’t like eyes staring at us, come on.” franklin turns around confused to see melody was gawking from the rack area, seeing the entire thing happening right in front of her. You stand up to pull franklin with you, walking towards melody in hand, taking your shoes back and giving her the skates franklin does the same thing, melody looks up at the both of you, trying to say the words that was on her mind Franklin just comes out to tell her "Melody, we can’t see each other anymore. I’m with alexia now so whatever we had it’s over now, you have a good night.’’ As you both walk out outside feeling the cool california breeze on your body franklin is pulling you towards a Honda motorcycle, feeling confused, you stop "frankie is that yours?" he turns around with a grin on his face “yeah come on." he pulls you close to the bike, taking out his keys and revving up the engine "hop’ on I’ll take you home." you get on behind him, closing in on him wrapping your arms around his strong stomach, laying your head on his back smelling his cologne, sand wool, honey, and lavender. Slowly cruising off back to your house.

Franklin pulls into his driveway shutting off the engine, you jumped off, franklin puts his arm over your shoulder giving you a forehead kiss, bring his lips lower to kiss your eyes, temple, nose and finally your lips, and not having any distractions to stop you, putting your tongue in his mouth, franklin put his hands on your hips to bring you in tighter fully wrapping you in his arms, you feel his large hands gripping your ass, massaging it, you feel yourself being push to a wall, franklin puts one of his legs in between of yours, you start grinding feeling yourself getting wet "god baby you feel what you do to me?" you moan in his mouth “ughh’’ he grabs your hand to place it right it on his dick, it’s big like really big. Moving your hand up and down, gripping the sides of him, franklin puts his head back, pushing his hips forward getting satisfaction, he groans "fuck babygirl you really workin’ me?" licking his lips to kiss him again, he keeps moaning in your mouth like you're inhaling it "fuck baby I can’t take I need to nut, can you make me nut baby?"

You unlock the front door your house, pulling your finger to your lips to insinuate that your momma was sleeping, closing your room and locking the door, seeing franklin sitting in your bed, you get on your hands and knees slowly crawling to him, once your got close to him you lift yourself to your knees, rubbing his thighs, fingers grazing over his zipper, but franklin stops you “you don’t have to do this is if you don’t want to. I won’t be offended" you nodded, looking deeply into his eyes "I know franklin, but I want to. I want to make you cum." You kiss one more time before you take off his pants with his underwear, once you pull them down, you rise up to look at it. "O my god. You’re really big frankie. I don’t think that will fit." You were being truthful, you really think it’s not going to fit in your mouth it’s too wide with few veins all around it, precum was leaking out of his tip, you bring lips to the shaft kissing under, sides, even licking his balls. Finally, your tongue licking up the precum off, pushing further down breathing through your nose so you can take more "fuck baby you’re makin’ me feel soo good, yeah you like that shit. Huh?’’ Not saying anything just nodding, looking into his eyes "fuckfuckfuck, I’m gonna nut babygirl. You ready baby?’’ sucking faster to bring him to climax, moaning with a closed mouth, skyrocketed franklin climax "yeahyeah fuck take it. Take all of it baby.Take this nut." Tasting salty cum with some sweet in it, you need more it, you need something to relief you after that.

Franklin pushes down on the bed, kissing up your thighs, putting his hands on the back of your legs lifting them on his shoulders, he starts inhaling your scent "mhmm baby, you smell good I bet you taste even better." Closing your legs tighter "I’m nervous frankie." He looks up "what’cha you got to be nervous for it’s just me.’’ putting on that beautiful smile of his "exactly frankie I have every reason to be nervous I’ve never done this before, like someone going down on me." He relaxed his face " we don’t have to do this is for you don’t want to. Okay." looking at his lips remembering how they felt on yours, wanting to know how they felt on your lower lips, you kissed him "I’m ready frankie." franklin not looking so convinced "are you sure." "Yes, Franklin I am."

Kissing your thighs on each side, spreading them further so he can get a better look at your pussy, "god baby, look at you it’s soo wet and juicy, is this for me baby?’’ getting closer to your pussy, feeling his breath on you "yes baby it’s all for you, you made me this wet fuck." he dips down licking all of your sweetness "ooh ughh" his lips are licking all over you, he stuck his tongue your hole back, forth, back, forth your thighs are shaking sweat rolling into your hair line, his takes tongue up to your clit, sucking slowly, hard, fast like if he was conducting you or something. You feel fingers touching your pussy slowly rubbing your hole “can I put a finger inside of babygirl." You moaned out "yesss please frankie I need it." Franklin slowly moving his finger in while sucking your clit "fuck baby I was right you do taste better. Come on nut on my fingers baby. Pleases" franklin slips another finger in you making feel so full right now "you better fuckin’ nut right now, o-oh yeah I feel you squeezing so tight, look at me baby, that’s right fuckin’ take it." Raising on your elbows to see Franklin hovering over you, he puts a hand of your mouth so you wouldn’t be heard. Moving his hand faster, feeling like hot water before hitting a boiling point, eyes rolling backs, your legs were shaking, you're moaning inside of franklin hand, feeling your climax washing over you, you never wanted to leave this place, even though franklin does.

You watch franklin put on his underwear smirking at you, you tell him "You’re the handsomest man I’ve ever met." He walks up to "oh am I?’ You nod your head in agreement "yes. you. are." kissing with every word "lucky for me I’m with the most beautiful. gorgeous. sexy woman ever" you look at him with puppy dog eyes "you really mean that baby." Franklin kisses you one more time before leaving "of course I am baby. You are mine and I am yours. Forever." He slips out of your window, looks at you again "aight baby I gotta go but I’ll see you later." You pull him towards the window to kiss him "I had a great time frankie, not just the rink, also the other stuff too." feeling the shyness creeping up on you, franklin kisses your hand "me too lexi me too." You hear shuffling coming around the house, waving bye to franklin, closing the blinds, changing into your pajamas, slowly unlocking the door. As you lay there remembering of what just happen. One thing is for sure nothing is going to stop you from being with Franklin Saint. Not now. Not ever.

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HOLY FUCKING SHIT I still can't believe i just finish my first storyy!!! YAAASSSSS BITCHHHH i thought i would never finish this story but im glad i did and also i wrote alitte smut, i was listening calling on you by jon b and something came over me i could help myself, but THANK YOU SOOO MUCH IF YOU READ THIS, yall let me know how i did. love yall, love nazzy ;)

[cashiew]

Woke up to the news of the cancellation this morning and have spent the day trying to swallow it. I was so looking forward to seeing our girls again and have my fingers crossed that we can see another miracle.

But for now, I offer the gretson playlist I made last year. It follows the spiritual beats of their story, circling themes of flight, making a mark, and finding your way home.

--

Seven - Sleeping At Last So I look to the future, and I book another fight / When everything feels heavy, I’ve learned to travel light

More to Give - Isabel Pless I keep burning my own bridge whether I lose or win / I’ll always wish I had more to give

if i were a friend - BLU EYES If I wasn't in my head / I could help me settle down / Make all of this make sense / Cuz it doesn't right now

Why Am I Like This? - Orla Gartland Oh, it's like I'm looking down from the ceiling above / Never in the moment, never giving enough

One - Sleeping At Last The list goes on forever / Of all the ways I could be better, in my mind / As if I could earn God's favor given time / Or at least congratulations

Twenty Something - Bre Kennedy Had my first kiss at the corner bar / Fell in love with a stranger in the dark

Everything Has Changed - Alex G, Jon D 'Cause all I know is we said, "Hello" / And your eyes look like comin' home / All I know is a simple name / And everything has changed

Apple Pie - Lizzy McAlpine I found you under an April sky / And you feel like / City life, apple pie baked just right / Home is wherever you are tonight

Ordinary Love - Nick Wilson Just for once / I want ordinary, ordinary love / No smoking gun

Maybe - Duce Williams Maybe, we should hope against the odds / Maybe, fate will place our cause

if i built my home from paper - Lexie Carroll Cause I may be getting older / But maybe I'm still scared / It's a trouble living in this world / But it's home when you are there

Magnificent - Oh Wonder  In the sticky summer heat, I got grass stains on me knees / And I'm infinite / Couple lovers running free, eyes are looking straight at me / And I'm into it

hate to be lame - Lizzy McAlpine, FINNEAS If I love him, if I need him / Maybe that will make him stay / If I lie, will I still feel this way?

counting houses - Luz Let them cast their doubt / We can live without /All their thoughts around

If I Didn’t Love You - Ben Abraham How do you do it? You've got me in it and I can't explain / How you turn me with the fury of a hurricane

Walk Above the City - The Paper Kites, MARO Flowers underneath us now / Towers underneath us now / We walk above the city / You and I

Tonight (I Wish I Was Your Boy) - The 1975 And told her, "Some things have their time / How can I be yours if you're not mine?"

Talking to Myself (Stripped) - Gatlin What if I play pretend / You're holding me again / We're laughing in my head

Another Round - Elina Time always froze when I pulled you close / And we were fine, mhmm / I swear I would give anything for another round

please - Chelsea Cutler, Jeremy Zucker Please don't leave me here / I don't know where my heart is

Leave Your Lover - Sam Smith You'll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain /Or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name

Alone with You - Canyon City It's not anything you say, anywhere we go / It's just being alone with you now

I Found You - Kina Grannis, Imaginary Future A sudden gust of wind /From nowhere, we begin / It's like I dreamed you up while I was sleeping

Last Time - Adam Melchor I'm takin' a picture of this in the back of my mind / ‘Cause every time I go I'm scared it's gonna be the last time

Give & Take - John Marc Oh there's a give and take in falling in love / You make it easier than I ever thought

[ladylooch]

Hiiii I’m in my AU feels today. Could I talk about Lexi & Nico + Emma & timo? What’re the biggest struggles for them in pregnancy/first few months after the babies are born? How do the hubbies handle it?

Emma and Timo: We see a brief glimpse of Lio when he is a few weeks old through Part 6. Timo and Em get married. Life is good. They are in bliss. However, they are not in bliss when Lio starts teething and Timo is on the road. It’s January. It’s cold. There is snow. And Lio will not sleep unless he is on top of Emma. Timo comes home from a Midwest road trip at 2:30am and finds Emma sitting up in bed with Lio sprawled out on her lap. He makes eye contact with Emma who immediately starts sobbing. 

“I know, baby.” He says, walking to her side of the bed. He leans down to grab Lio, kissing her tightening cheek.

“I’m so tired, T.” She whimpers. “Every time I put him in his crib he wakes up! I can’t even think straight anymore.” She gets on her knees, whining when he stands up with Lio. “No.”

“Babe. Let me try.” He soothes her. “I’ll be right back.”

Emma’s face is buried in her hands when he returns without Lio. He is still in his game day suit when he scoots her over into the bed and gathers her into his arms.

“This is tough right now.” He acknowledges. She nods her head, sniffing. “And I’m gone a lot.” She shoves her nose into his suit jacket. “But you are doing an amazing job.” He kisses her hair. “I am so grateful for you.”

Lexi and Nico: These two were born to be parents.They just slipped right into parenthood like nothing was hard. Lucie slept through the night immediately. She did great at feedings. She was perfect. Nico and Lexi co-parent and communicate so well.

Lexi had a hard time with feeling beautiful after Lucie. We see some of that in the previous blurbs when she talked to Em about being nervous to have sex again. Also when they finally do have sex and she almost wants to back out because she is insecure about her looks. Nico is having none of it. He is constantly reaffirming how beautiful she is. He urges her to stop working out so hard when she gets the green light. Her insecurities effects her appetite. He is constantly shoving food in her hands when she is nursing Lexi. Once and a while, he takes a special trip to a bakery in Manhattan after practice to get a cupcake they shared on one of their early dates. He knows how much she loves that cream cheese frosting.

“I shouldn’t eat this.” Lexi says from the couch, holding the dessert above their nursing daughter.

“Baby, that’s your favorite. And you deserve that cupcake… been doing such a good job taking care of our baby.”

“Yeah, but it’s going to take me forever to run this off on the treadmill.”

“You are perfect. Eat the cupcake.”

Lexi has one bite and then insists that is enough. Nico can’t help but frown as he puts it back into it’s container for a different time.

Thankfully, Nico and Timo have each other. They spend plenty of time navigating parenthood together- on the plane, in the locker room, during morning skates when they’re flipping the puck back and forth.

“You having sex with your wife again?” Timo smirks at Nico.

“Yeah.” Nico grins wildly back at him, not even blushing about the things he did to Lexi before he left. He can still taste a bit of her. 

“Me too.” Nico scoffs, still irked at hearing about him and his sister.

“Lio is basically two.”

“Yeah, but I pissed your sister off two days before we left and she knows how to hold a grudge. Had to get real creative with Lee and swoon her off her feet again with a mommy and boys date night.” Timo bats the puck down with the blade of his stick. 

“Good. You should do that even without being in trouble.” Timo rolls his eyes.

“I treat her like a queen. And you know it.”

“Yeah. She’s lucky.” 

“Now if I could just convince her to get pregnant again.” 

“Like I told Em, I’m staying out of that one.”

“She talked to you!?” 

“She tried.” Nico emphasizes. “I’m not getting involved.” Timo frowns.

“Bring Luc over tomorrow for our day off. That helps.”

“No.”

“Fine. I’ll ask your wife instead.” 

Nico rolls his eyes, knowing not even his adorable daughter is going to work on his obstinate sister. 

[munsonsgirl71]

Last March someone very important to me lost his battle with cancer and it WRECKED me. I am still not over the loss and there is a whole in my heart that will never be filled. I looked up to him and his light and love, his kidness, his goofiness. He was one of a kind with a smile that could make you cry.

In May I met Eddie and in June I found Joey. These two men have given me a zest for life that I didnt know I could have. I got back into writing which is something I love and haven't done in YEARS. They helped to pull me out of my depression, helped distract me from the pain I was in.

Eddie came into my life without warning and completly flipped it upside down (no pun intended). He brought me here after a very long hiatus and helped me meet some of the most amazing people I have ever met.

@munson-trashcan Mols, you were my very first friend in the fandom and I love you to the moon and back. I'm still so sorry about predicting the ending of Days of the Week but hey... it worked out because we connected. I know we haven't talked much lately but I am always here and I know you are too!

@eddiemunsonfuxks Becca... You have been there for me so much over the past couple of months and I honestly don't know how I could have gotten through it without you. You encouraged me, supported me, hyped me up and loved me without judgement. I love you so so so much.

@hellkaisersangel Lexy, my angel! We haven't known each other long but we have gotten so close and it's truly the highlight of my day to talk to you about the silliest things. We have bonded so tightly that I am honestly shocked by it. I love you times infinity!

@joejoequinnquinn Baby! You are my source for all things Joey and God do I love you for it! We clicked the instant we first messaged each other and sometimes I wonder if we're actually the same person! I love you more than all the stars in the sky.

@harrywavycurly Sarah, my darling girl! I remember finding you on Tik Tok and falling in love with Boyfriend Eddie! I was ecstatic to find you here and I am so glad we became friends. You have been so encouraging with my writing and you have always been willing to lend a listening ear (or seeing eye) for anything I have needed. I love you more than Eddie's wife loves hot cheetos

@goldenbrownanddistasteful Sadiya, we haven't talked much but I hope that in the New Year we can find time to talk more. You are the kindest of souls and I am happy to call you my beautiful moot!

@myobmaya @icallhimjoey @caseyqdilla @billybluboy @sunflowergirl522 You guys are purely amazing! Such talented writers with such kind hearts. We haven't talked much but every conversation I've had with each of you has been special! I love you all.

And finally to every single follower of this blog that has liked, reblogged and commented on my work... I FUCKING LOVE YOU! To see 600+ people love amd enjoy something I have worked so hard on is the greatest gift I could ask for. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Xx P

[fortheloveofwonderland]

What Lies in Our Anatomy | S.R | Part 3/3

Previous Part

A/N - if you watch Grey’s you might notice my take on a Meredith/George storyline and a Sloan/Lexie one.

Summary - a face from Spencer’s past shakes everything to its core and forces him to make a choice. And what happens if you aren’t it?

Warnings - allusions to sex (both fem/male and male/male), confessed feelings, reader freaks out, angst followed by fluff followed by more angst, swearing, use of “whore”, secrets come to light, talks of Spencer’s sexuality, brief mentions of reader x Luke, hospitals and details of sexual injury, drinking.

Word Count - 8.4K

Part Three - As We Know It

February - Four Months Ago

You’d never celebrated Valentine's Day before and never really felt a need to. 

But when you showed up at Spencer’s on February fourteenth to find his apartment decorated like Cupid’s Grotto, you had a very quick change of heart. 

“What on earth is all of this?” You laughed taking in the over the top decorations filling his home. 

“Do you like it?” He beamed, happiness flooding from his every pore. 

You took it all in. He really had gone all out. 

Heart shaped balloons were tied to the backs of chairs, lamps, door handles and every other piece of furniture he could tie the string to. 

Rose petals scoured almost every inch of his floor from the front door to the bedroom and all over the bed. Dozens of bouquets of an array of flowers were in vases dotted about the apartment, enough to fill a florist's shop. 

A teddy bear almost the size of you sat on the couch holding a red heart stitched with the words, “I can’t BEAR to be without you.” 

And in the middle of it all stood Spencer, clad only in a pair of red silk boxers, holding a single rose between his teeth. 

“You’re crazy, you know that right?” You chuckled, slipping off your jacket and folding it over the back of the couch. 

“I’m crazy about you. I know that much.” He smirked around the rose as you stepped through rose petals to get to him. 

“No one’s ever…you’re amazing.” You pulled the rose from between his teeth, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him. 

“I’ve never been into Valentine’s. But this year I made an exception.” He sighed in content.

You tore your lips away from his and took hold of his hand. 

“I’ve never done it on rose petals before.” You smirked wildly at him as you tugged him to follow you towards the bedroom. 

He was quick to get you undressed and lay you down on the bed of petals. He made you come so many times your head felt as though it was full of cotton wool when you were finished. 

Your eyes were fluttering closed after several hours spent between the sheets. Spencer chucked around a piece of chocolate he’d popped in his mouth. 

“You are so goddamn beautiful.” He whispered, reaching over to stroke your cheek. 

“You’re not so bad yourself.” You smiled sleepily as he leant in to give you a kiss. His lips tasted like chocolate. 

“Goddamn, Y/N.” He sighed against your lips. “I am so in love with you.” 

His words crashed harshly against your ears and spiralled towards your brain. You suddenly felt wide awake, like someone had shocked you with defibrillator paddles. 

You sat back from him, staring at him wide eyed. He was smiling at you, clearly not realising what he’d said. 

“You…uh…what?” You croaked, shuffling back on the bed. 

Spencer’s face fell as he came to formulate the words he’d just said out loud. 

“I…I didn’t mean for it to…I didn’t mean…I did mean it I just…I…I…” his brain short circuited and he couldn’t form a coherent sentence. 

But it didn’t matter because you weren’t listening. The only thing going around your brain were the words he’d spoken against your lips. 

I am so in love with you. 

You slipped out of the bed and started getting dressed, well and truly in panic mode. 

“Y/N…” Spencer shuffled closer to you as you robotically threw your clothes on.

“I have to go.” Your voice was monotone. 

“Y/N, don’t freak out. I’m sorry, it’s too soon. Just pretend I didn’t say anything.” He pushed himself to his feet and gripped you by the shoulders.

Usually his touch combined with the sight of his naked body was enough to ground you. But not this time. 

“I have to go.” You repeated, stepping back from his hold and continuing to get your clothes on. 

“Please don’t go. Please.” He begged you, his eyes like a puppy dog. 

You finished dressing, shaking your head at nothing in particular and trying to locate your shoes. 

You padded out of the room in a daze, feeling rose petals sticking to your bare feet and trying to ignore the balloons and flowers and giant bear. 

“Y/N, talk to me!” He ran after you into the living room, not giving much care to the fact he was naked. 

“Got to…got to go.” You found your shoes and slipped them on your feet, before finding your coat on the back of the couch. 

“You’re just going to walk out?” He huffed in frustration. “I told you I’m in love with you and you’re just walking away?” 

You turned to him slowly, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. 

“It was just supposed to be a fling.” You croaked out, turning quickly again and hurrying towards the door. 

Spencer had nothing left to say so he just watched you go. 

He watched you walk out the door, taking a piece of his heart along with you.

***

For two hours Spencer sat on the couch in nothing  but his stupid silk boxers and stared at the even more stupid heart sharpened balloons.

The idiotic bear sat beside him, mocking him. 

He was a complete moron. 

It was the story of his life, falling too fast and too hard. He’d married Ethan when he barely knew the man. And now he’d gone and fallen in love with you when you’d seen it as nothing more than a fling. 

Wasn’t he supposed to be a genius? 

He half wanted to destroy all the stupid Valentine’s stuff but he didn’t have the energy to do so. Unrequited love was draining. 

He spent two hours mentally berating himself for being so dumb, so wrapped up in his detrimental thoughts he didn’t hear the key in the lock or the door open. 

“It was never just a fling.” Your croaky voice startled him and he jumped up from the couch and spun around to face you. 

You had tear stains down your cheeks and your eyes were red rimmed. 

“It was never just a fling.” You repeated while he stared at you. “The reason I didn’t give you my number after that first night was because I knew you were the kind of man I could fall in love with. And I didn’t want that. I needed to focus on work and not get distracted by a man. But it could never be just a fling with you.” 

“I’m sorry I freaked you out. I honestly didn’t mean to blurt out like that. But it is how I feel. I’m in love with you.” He shrugged meekly.

There was no point in lying, no point in taking it back. It was out there now. If he lost you because you couldn’t handle his feelings then so be it. He wasn’t hiding them. 

“I’m sorry I freaked out.” You whispered, cautiously stepping towards him across the rose petals that still riddled the floor. “No one’s ever said that to me before.” 

Spencer’s brows furrowed deeply. 

“No one?”

“Not in a romantic way. My parents have, obviously, but not a man. I never really dated, I was too focused on school and college and then the academy. I’ve had flings but never anything serious. So no, no man has ever said that to me before and I got scared.” 

“I find it hard to believe no one has ever been in love with you. You’re so easy to love.” He chewed on his lip. 

“So are you.” You stepped closer, but stopped a few feet from him. 

You saw him processing your words, the way the look in his eyes kept changing as he read between the lines. 

“Are you…are you saying…?” He trailed off. 

“Yes.” You laughed lightly. “I am stupidly in love with you Spencer.”

He quickly closed the space between you and wrapped his arms tightly around you. 

You melted into him as always, wrapping your arms around his waist and resting your head on his bare chest. 

He held you so closely, as though afraid you might change your mind. 

The two of you stood like this in the middle of the Valentine’s grotto for some time, just relishing in being close to one another. 

Falling in love with Spencer Reid had been inevitable. And you knew you’d never be able to stop. 

***

March - Three Months Ago

He watched from the shadows like a hunter stalking his prey. Lurking. Waiting. 

He wasn’t deliberately creeping, it hadn’t been his intention. But it was late and all the lights on the floor were off aside from the small glow from the desk lamp in the middle office. 

From where he stood it wasn’t bright enough to reveal himself. But it was enough for him to see what was going on through the window of the office. 

Messy curly hair that bounced softly with his movements. His profile was cast in light, showcasing his sharp angles. The dips and curves of his body were on full display.

He saw the way the other man’s muscles tightened each time his body shifted. The way they tensed and flexed with each motion. 

The lamp was luminous enough for him to see the way the man’s body reacted every time he thrust himself into the naked body sprawled out on his desk. 

He could make out legs wrapped around the man’s waist, breasts heaving up and down with each pound. 

The woman’s face was obscured from view, in the shadows but the man fucking her was as clear as day. 

He watched for longer than he should have, longer than he wanted to look. The better half of his brain was begging him to leave but he couldn’t get his limbs to cooperate. 

When the other man threw his head back and his lips parted with a soft moan, he finally tore his eyes away from the scene and retreated further back into the shadows. 

The room was silent apart from the occasional heavy breath or moan permeating the quiet. 

And as he backed further away, the last thing he heard was a female voice lamenting, “oh fuck, Spencer, I’m gonna come.” 

***

Nine Hours Later

Spencer rubbed his eyes and took another long sip of his coffee as he stared down at his desk. 

It had been the middle of the night when he’d finally gotten home and he’d only had a few hours sleep. It was going to be a long day. 

The two of you had done it so often on his desk that even looking at the item of furniture caused his cock to stir in his pants. Although now covered in paperwork, a few hours ago you’d been on that desk, legs spread just for him. 

A shiver passed up his spine as he fell down into his chair and willed himself not to grow hard thinking of the activities that took place here last night. 

He’d be fired so fast if anyone knew how he used his office after hours. 

***

You fixed yourself another coffee in the small kitchen whilst stifling a yawn. Spending your nights with Spencer was getting the better of you. 

You weren’t sure why the two of you insisted on hooking up in his office so often when you both had apartments with perfectly good beds. Your back was in tatters after spending another night being fucked over his desk.

But god, was it worth it. 

You picked up your mug, another yawn leaving your lips as Tara stepped in the kitchen looking much brighter than you. 

“Late night?” She teased you, her eyes sparkling a little. 

“Something like that.” You nodded. 

“I am dying to meet this mystery man.” She spoke as she headed to the coffee machine. 

You felt your chest tighten the way it always did when someone mentioned the mysterious man you were hooking up with. 

Since your birthday and the gift from your secret admirer, the team hadn’t stopped badgering you about him. 

You told them it was casual and that you weren’t ready for the team to meet him. You didn’t miss the looks sent your way by Rossi and Blake. 

Since then they'd all been bombarding you with questions about your secret man. It was awkward at first but you’d learnt how to control your facial expressions and everyone was none the wiser that you were sleeping with your boss. 

“Hmm, maybe one day.” You shrugged, stepping out of the kitchen and heading towards your desk. 

You set your coffee down on the desk but before you could slip into your chair, a voice behind you startled you slightly. 

“Hi there.”

You spun on your heels so fast you almost toppled over. 

A man stood behind you with a friendly smile and large, kind eyes. 

“Uh hi?” You swallowed, glancing down at the visitor's badge hanging around his neck. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He chuckled and it was such a nice sound your defences instantly lowered. 

“It’s ok,” you laughed too. “Clearly I haven’t had enough coffee yet. Can I help you with something?” 

The stranger eyed you up and down, his eyes slowly and carefully raking up your body and you felt your chest tighten again but in a completely different way this time. 

“Sorry,” he shook his head when his eyes landed back on your face. “That was incredibly unsubtle of me.” 

You felt your cheeks burning and you hoped to god he couldn’t tell. 

“It’s fine.” You chewed on your bottom lip. 

His black hair was swept off his face and his beard was neatly trimmed. He wore a navy button down with the top few buttons undone, more black hair peeking out from his chest. His jeans were tight fitting and paired with a shiny pair of brogues. 

“You’re very beautiful.” The stranger blurted out and your eyes widened at his forwardness.

“Uh…thanks?” You swallowed. 

“Oh god, I am so sorry! That was incredibly inappropriate of me. I’m told I have no filter, sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” 

“No, no it’s ok.” You insisted. 

He smiled softly at you, reaching forward and placing his hand on your bare arm. 

You hoped it wasn’t completely obvious that you were practically melting into a puddle. 

“What’s your name?” He asked, his warm hand on your skin causing your brain to short circuit. 

“Y/N.” You choked out. 

“Suits you.” He smirked slightly. “It’s very nice to meet you, Y/N. Im Et-“

He was cut off by the sound of a door opening and then a voice bellowed across the bullpen. 

“Sorry to ruin your mornings but we have a…” Spencer trailed off when his eyes landed on the man still with his hand on your arm.

He felt his stomach coil into knots and his heart seemed to stop beating entirely. 

He clenched his jaw as the man glared up at him, stepping back from you folding his arms across his chest. 

“Round table room. I’ll be right there.” Spencer choked out, frozen in his doorway while the other agents made their way up to the round table room. 

You hung back, concerned by the look that Spencer was trying so hard to hide from his features. 

He slowly made his way down the stairs once everyone else was in the meeting room, never taking his eyes off of the stranger. 

Once he was close enough he spoke to you without looking at you. 

“Go with the others Y/N, I’ll be right there.” 

“What’s going on? Are you ok, Spence?” You frowned, looking between the two men who were seemingly in the middle of a stare off. 

The dark haired stranger was the one to finally end it, tearing his eyes off Spencer to look back at you. 

Seconds felt like hours as he stared at you, his expression unreadable. 

You looked between him and Spencer who looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

And when the stranger finally spoke, your world came crashing down in an instant from one simple sentence. 

“Oh, so you’re the bitch who’s screwing my husband?” The stranger shook his head in frustration. 

To say his words were like a freight train colliding with you was an understatement. 

All the air left your lungs and your heart raced so rapidly it felt like it might just beat right out of your chest. 

Your eyes widened and darted between the stranger and Spencer. 

“I…you…what?” You croaked, eyes begging Spencer for an explanation. 

Suddenly the stranger started to chuckle, but it wasn’t as nice a sound as it was earlier. 

“Of course, you didn’t tell her.” The man rolled his eyes, looking back at Spencer.

“You need to leave.” Spencer spat at the other man. “You need to leave right now.”

“But I haven’t formally introduced myself to your little whore.” The man turned back to you again. “I’m Ethan. Ethan Reid. And you already know my husband…intimately.” 

“Sp-Spencer?” You looked at Spencer, desperate for a justification in which this man was lying. 

But the look on his face said it all. 

Ethan was not lying. 

“I’m sorry.” Spencer choked out. “I’m so sorry.” 

Your mouth opened to speak but no words came out. Your eyes flicked between Spencer and Ethan rapidly while you tried to blink back tears. 

“You’re sorry to her?” Ethan scoffed. “What about me?” 

“What are you even doing here, Ethan?” Spencer growled at him. 

Meanwhile you felt like the Earth was shattering around you. 

Your vision started to blur from your tears and your head began to pound violently out of nowhere. 

You stumbled backwards, breathing heavily. You bumped against your desk and used it to steady yourself. 

Somehow Spencer was right in front of you, gripping your shoulders.

“Y/N? Are you ok?” His voice was distant. 

“Don’t…don’t touch me.” You pushed him away, stumbling again. 

“Y/N, let me explain…”

“You’re married, what’s to explain?” 

“It’s not as straightforward as that. We-“

“I don’t want to hear it.” You cut him off. “Fuck you Spencer.” 

You spun on your heels as fast as you could and ignoring Spencer calling after you, you fled the bullpen. 

You hurried down the six flights of stairs as fast as your trembling legs would carry you. By the time you reached the parking lot, tears were streaming down your face. 

You didn’t make it to your car before you collapsed in a fit of sobs on the tarmac. 

***

Spencer went to go after you, making it to the glass doors before Ethan’s voice halted him in his tracks. 

“Really? You’re going after her?” He spat as Spencer reached for the door handle. “You’re going after your little whore instead of your fucking husband?” 

Spencer turned back to him, glaring darkly at Ethan. 

“Don’t you dare call her that.” Spencer growled. 

“She was sleeping with a married man, that makes her a whore in my book.” Ethan folded his arms. 

“You just established she didn’t know. I didn’t tell her about you. And talk about pot calling the kettle black, Ethan! You and Amelia slept together behind my back so in my book that makes you both whores, not Y/N.” He raised his voice as he marched back towards Ethan. “How did you even know?”

“I got into town late last night. I came looking for you here knowing what a workaholic you are. Can you guess what I saw going on in your office?” Ethan spat. 

Spencer’s face momentarily paled, nostrils flaring, knowing exactly what Ethan would have seen. 

“Well,” Spencer corrected himself. “I guess we’re even now we’ve both had to walk in on each other fucking someone else.” 

“You run off to DC without even talking to me about what happened and immediately start shacking up with someone else? You should have talked to me but instead you just left! You buried your head in the sand, ran away from your problems the way you always do!” Ethan’s voice raised to meet Spencer’s. 

“I couldn’t look at you, let alone talk to you! Looking at you now makes me feel sick. You cheated on me Ethan, I slept with someone else after I left your ass. It’s not the same.” 

“You left me? Well sorry but I never got that memo.” 

“I would have thought it was clear.” Spencer felt his anger pulsing through his body. 

Ethan opened his mouth to respond but the sound of a door opening and heels clicking on the wooden floor caused him to stop short. 

“Is everything ok, boss?” 

Spencer looked up to see Garcia looking between him and Ethan in concern. 

Spencer momentarily swallowed his anger before he addressed her.

“Fine, Garcia. Present the case, I’ll be with you shortly.” He kept his voice measured as he spoke to the bubbly blonde but she knew something was bothering him.

But she also knew better than to ask. 

Nodding, she turned around and scurried back into the round table room. 

“You need to leave. Go back to New York, Ethan, you shouldn’t be here.” Spencer spoke calmer than before. 

“I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me. And I mean talk, not bark.” Ethan stubbornly folded his arms. 

“I have a job Ethan. Do you remember what one of those is?” Spencer snarled at his husband. “It’s the thing that afforded you a nice house and all your expensive music equipment.” 

“Go work your stupid case. But I’ll be here when you’re done. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” Ethan stood his ground, choosing not to rise to Spencer’s obvious attempt to rile him. 

He watched Spencer’s jaw clenched tightly. 

“You’re wasting your time. I have nothing left to say to you.” Spencer spat before he turned his back on Ethan and skulked away. 

***

Three days later you were still hauled up in your apartment while the team had been away on a case. 

In those three days you’d remained in bed, crying more tears than you thought was possible. 

It had been eight months. Eight fucking months since the night you first met Spencer. Eight months of seeing him damn near every single day and he had never once mentioned the fact he was married. Or that he was bisexual. 

Admittedly there had never been a need for him to bring up his sexuality. He was sleeping with you so it never needed to come up whether he was straight or bisexual. 

But he was married. He had a fucking husband and he’d never felt the need to tell you. 

Had it all been a lie? When he told you he loved you, was it all just a deception? 

How could this be happening? It all felt like some kind of sick joke. The man you’d fallen in love with was married. That made you a mistress, a whore just like his husband had called you. 

More tears somehow wormed their way out of your eyes and soon you were sobbing loudly into your damp pillow. 

Everything hurt. How the hell could he do this to you? How could he do this to his husband?

You were sobbing so loudly you didn’t hear the key turning in the lock or the footsteps padding across your living room. 

When you felt the weight of the bed shift beneath you, you jumped, wide eyed and heart racing. 

But anger replaced the shock when you saw the large, sad brown and gold eyes staring at you. 

“Get out.” You spat, wiping your tears on your sweater sleeve. “Get the fuck out right now!” 

Spencer didn’t move. He stayed vigil on the bed, slowly shaking his head.

“No, we need to talk.” He croaked. 

His eyes were bloodshot and the dark circles under his eyes were blacker than ever. His hair seemed to have lost its bounce and just hung lifelessly. 

“You lied to me for months.” You jumped out of the bed and to your feet. 

“I didn’t…I didn’t lie.” He spoke calmly, running his fingers over the bed sheet. “I just didn’t tell you the truth.” 

“Semantics, Spencer. How could you not tell me you’re married!” You raised your voice and you saw Spencer recoil a little. 

“Because it’s not as simple as that.” 

“Yes it is!” You yelled. “You are currently married, correct? You are not divorced, you are, at this moment in time, still married?” 

“Yes.” He chewed on his lip. 

“Then it really is simple.” 

He sighed, pushing himself to his feet. 

“He cheated on me.” He swallowed the lump that formed saying that out loud. “I found him in bed with my best friend. I left New York when I found out. I left him. So although I am technically still married, Ethan and I weren’t together when I met you.” 

“You should have told me. Maybe not after one night together, but when you started taking me on dates and telling me you loved me, you should have told me about him!” Your body started to tremble with rage. 

“I know. I know I should have.” He agreed sadly.

“So why didn’t you?”

“Because I was scared. I was scared you wouldn’t understand. I was scared you’d end things and I didn’t want to lose you.” He felt tears gathering behind his eyes so he sniffed to try and keep them at bay. 

“Ironic.” You scoffed. “Now you’re going to lose me because you didn’t tell me.”

“Don’t say that.” Spencer shook his head, stepping closer to you. “Please don’t say that.” 

“You’re married, Spencer.” 

“Not as far as I’m concerned.” He shook his head again. “I’ll make it clear to him that it’s you I want. I’ll divorce him, I’ll do whatever it takes!” 

His tears overflowed and you hated that you felt sorry for him. He didn’t deserve your pity. 

But nonetheless you felt yourself soften. 

“I want to know everything.” You lowered your voice but your tone was still stern.

“About me and Ethan?” Spencer frowned. 

“Yes.” 

“I don’t think that’s going to help anything.” 

“I don’t care. You owe me an explanation. So you’re going to tell me everything.” 

The last thing Spencer wanted to do was talk to you about his relationship with Ethan, but he also wasn’t in a position to argue with you. 

He fell back to the bed and you slowly came over and sat down too, leaving plenty of space between the two of you. 

He raked his fingers through his messy hair with a heavy sigh.

“Ethan was the first man I ever dated. I didn’t even realise I was bisexual until I met him. We met in the academy when we were twenty one. We…hooked up and a few days later he decided the FBI wasn’t for him and he left. But we stayed in touch, and six months later just after I started at the New York field office he proposed to me.

I was young. It was stupid but I thought he was the love of my life so I said yes. At the time we could enter into a civil partnership and we did so quickly after, and got a shitty apartment in Brooklyn together. We got married as soon as same sex marriage was legalised in New York. 

He was the only thing I’d ever known. He was my first love, he was the first person to really see me. He saw beyond my IQ to who I really was. 

Somewhere along the line I fell out of love with him. I resented him for leaving the academy and throwing his life away for some stupid music career. I resented him for us getting married so young. I resented him because I felt like I’d missed out on so many experiences because I’d settled for the first person who showed me attention. 

Then I came home from work one day to find him in bed with my best friend, Amelia. And I was hurt and I was angry. But after the initial shock wore off, do you know what I felt?” His brows were furrowed as he looked at you. 

“No.” You shook your head. 

“I felt relieved.” He confessed, swallowing hard. “I felt relieved because it meant I had an excuse to leave. Because I didn’t love him the way I used to, but I’d been too scared to walk away. He cheated on me and I finally had my reason to leave.” 

“I appreciate your honesty. But I wish I could believe that.” You exhaled, pushing yourself back up. “If you could have seen your face when you told that story, you wouldn’t believe it either.” 

“What do you mean?” He frowned, standing up as well. 

“You might not love him like you used to but you clearly still love him. I saw the pain in your eyes when you spoke about Ethan cheating on you. I’m not being anyone's second choice Spencer, so you really need to think and you need to decide who you want to be with. And if it isn’t me, you have to let me go.” You took a step back from him, scared if he touched you, you’d melt the way you always did. 

Spencer rolled his bottom lip between his teeth as he ruminated on your words. 

“I love you.” He croaked, sniffing back tears. 

“But you also love your husband. Even if you don’t want to admit it. Let me go, Spencer. Just let me go.” 

“I can’t.” He shook his head. 

“Yes, you can.” You insisted. “I knew as soon as I said it that I wouldn’t be your choice. So you have to let me go.” 

More tears fell from Spencer’s eyes but he quickly tried to wipe them away. 

“He cheated on me.” He sniffed again. 

“It doesn’t make you an idiot for still loving him.” You shrugged, desperate not to let your own tears fall. “Walk away, Spencer. I’m begging you to walk away. Because I can’t. I need you to be the one to walk away.” 

“I just…I need some time, ok? To clear my head, to think. Just give me some time to talk to Ethan and sort through my emotions. This isn’t me walking away or making a choice. I just…I need time.” He stepped back too, knowing better than to try and hold you. 

“Fine.” You swallowed, folding your arms across your chest. “Fine.” 

You watched Spencer slowly back towards the door, keeping his eyes on you as he went. Neither of you said another word as he left your apartment and as soon as you were alone again, your tears fell once more and you crumbled to a heap in the bed. 

***

May - One Month Ago

You’d given Spencer time just like he’d asked for. He took a sabbatical from work for two weeks while JJ acted as Unit Chief in his absence. 

You didn’t hear from him in those two weeks and you didn’t try to contact him. 

The day he returned to the BAU and you saw his wedding ring gracing his finger, you knew he’d made his decision.

And the two of you never spoke about it. 

You continued to work together, you tried to keep things normal between you even though your heart shattered a little more in your chest every time you caught a glimpse at his gold band adorned on his hand. 

You’d heard talk from the team. They’d all found out about Spencer’s secret husband and gossip had started to fly. 

If rumours were to be believed, Ethan had moved to DC and he and Spencer were trying to work on their marriage. The details surrounding their time apart weren’t known by the team but it didn’t stop them gossiping about it. 

They all assumed it had to do with an affair, but which one of the men who’d committed the deed the team weren’t sure. 

Little did they know, both Ethan and Spencer had been unfaithful. 

You’d tried to not get involved, tried to ignore the chatter about your boss's personal life. 

The team also made the realisation you had ended your secret relationship with your mystery man. Thankfully they hadn’t put two and two together that the end of your relationship and Spencer’s husband coming to town were connected. 

All in all, it had been an extremely hard and draining two months. 

You checked your reflection again in the mirror with a sigh. You looked good, there was no denying that. You’d even go so far as to say you looked great. But your appearance wasn’t the issue. 

Right on time there was a soft knock on your door. Seven PM on the dot. As if you’d expected anything less. 

When he’d first asked you out, you’d been taken aback. He’d never shown any interest in you before so it had surprised you to say the least. 

You’d been so shocked in fact, you’d instantly burst out laughing.

“Why are you laughing?” 

“Because it’s a joke? You’re joking right?”

“I’m most definitely not joking.” 

“But you…I…you’re being serious?”

“Yes.”

“You want to take me on a date?”

“Yes.”

You’d been so stunned that you’d agreed despite the fact dating was the last thing from your mind. 

And now he was at your door, ready to take you for dinner and all you could think about was that it should be Spencer. 

He knocked again and with a sigh you padded to the front door. 

When you opened it, he was beaming at you in a way that made you feel awful. 

“You look…amazing.” He grinned as he took in your appearance. 

You forced yourself to smile back and tried desperately to push thoughts of Spencer to the back of your mind. 

“Thank you. I just need to grab my purse and we can go.” You turned back into your apartment for your bag on the bureau next to the door. 

You slung it over your shoulder and picked up your keys, stepping out into the corridor and locking the door behind you. 

He placed his hand on your lower back and motioned you towards the stairs. 

This really was so surreal and you suddenly had no idea why you agreed to it. You didn’t want to date anyone that wasn’t Spencer, no matter how sweet and kind this man was, he wasn’t Spencer. 

And besides, you’d always thought Luke Alvez had a thing for Penelope. 

***

“I want to have sex.”

Spencer’s eyes snapped away from the book he was reading and onto Ethan who was in bed beside him. 

With nowhere else to stay and Spencer agreeing to try again with his husband, Ethan had been staying in Spencer’s apartment. 

They shared a bed like a good married couple. Spencer allowed Ethan to kiss him on the cheek when he left for work and he’d agreed to wear his ring again.

But apart from that they hadn’t touched each other in the two months they’d been working on their relationship. 

“Did you hear me?” Ethan spoke again when Spencer didn’t reply. 

“Y-yes.” Spencer closed his book and set it on the nightstand. 

“What are your thoughts?” Ethan raised a curious eyebrow. “You wanted to try again but it’s been two months and you won’t even let me kiss you properly. I want to have sex Spencer.” 

Sex. With someone who wasn’t you. What were his thoughts? 

Before Ethan’s affair the two of them had a very healthy sex life. It was the one constant in their relationship, even when they weren’t getting along, they always had great, no, amazing sex. 

And of course Spencer still found his husband attractive. Ethan was aging like a fine wine and even after nearly twenty years Spencer was still so attracted to him. 

But he was also still angry. He was angry that Ethan slept with Amelia, that he could throw away their wedding vows so easily. He still hadn’t forgiven him for that. 

But now the thought was in his head, Spencer suddenly realised just how horny he was. 

So that was the only reason why, instead of answering Ethan, he grabbed the other man’s face in his hands and crashed their lips together. 

It was the only cause for him rolling himself on top of Ethan while Ethan’s hands started to roam his body. 

At that moment, Spencer was hornier than he was angry. So he was going to have sex with his husband and go back to being mad at him after. 

***

Inviting Luke back to your apartment after dinner hadn’t been planned. The words had spilled from your lips before you’d had the chance to think them through. 

And now he was on top of you in your bed, kissing you and trying to remove your clothes, you realised what a terrible idea this was. 

Luke tore his lips from yours so he could help you out of your shirt but he froze when he saw your face. 

“Oh my gosh, are you ok?” He sat back, a look of concern on his features. 

“Yes. Why?” You choked out. 

“You’re crying.” He frowned.

You frowned too, bringing your hand to your face and feeling the damp patches beneath your eyes. 

You looked at Luke and suddenly you started sobbing. 

“I’m so sorry.” You wailed, burying your face in your hands. “I’m so, so sorry.” 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He quickly helped you sit up and wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

“I’m not…I don’t think I’m…” you tried to control your breathing so you could speak. “I’m not ready for this. For…sex. I’m not ready. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry but I can’t.”

“It’s ok.” Luke stroked your back soothingly. “Things are moving really fast. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” 

His kindness only caused you to sob harder. 

“I’m so sorry.” You mumbled, nuzzling your face into his strong chest. 

“It’s ok, Y/N. Really.” He held you tightly and at some point the two of you laid back to the bed and he continued to hold you while you cried.

You didn’t deserve him being so nice to you. If he knew why you were really crying he certainly wouldn’t be comforting you. 

If he knew that the thought of being intimate with anyone other than your boss was this upsetting, he’d run a mile. 

So for now you just let him hold you and you hoped you’d never have to tell him the truth. 

***

Spencer had not expected his night to end here. 

Having sex with his husband for the first time since Ethan’s affair shouldn’t have ended up with neither of them getting off and one of them in a hospital bed. 

They’d been in the middle of intercourse, Spencer on his hands and knees on the bed while his husband roughly fucked him from behind. 

He pulled out all the way, slipping out of Spencer, and when he went to thrust back in, he missed and a hideous popping sound filled the room followed by an ear piercing pained screech. 

Ethan had fallen to the bed, screaming in agony and Spencer quickly turned to look at him.

“Oh my fucking god! Oh my fucking god!” Ethan shrieked, writhing on the bed while he held his crotch. “I can’t look! You have to look, Spencer! Oh fuck it hurts so bad!”

Spencer knelt over him and gently removed Ethan’s hand so he could look. 

It was a good job Ethan had his eyes screwed tightly shut because Spencer felt the colour drain from his face and his jaw fall open. 

Ethan’s penis was bent, dark bruising already forming on his shaft. 

“Oh fuck.” Ethan groaned. “Is it broken? Is my dick broken?” 

“Uh…it’s entirely probable, yes.” Spencer swallowed. 

After that Spencer jumped into action and rushed Ethan to the ER. 

Ethan refused to let his husband watch while his bruised penis was being examined and honestly Spencer was grateful for that. 

He sat in the waiting room and every time he thought about how nasty it had looked, his stomach churned and he swore he felt second hand pain for Ethan. 

Eventually a doctor was heading his way and he jumped to his feet as he approached. 

“Mister Reid?” 

“Doctor Reid.” Spencer corrected him but it really wasn’t the time or place. 

“Apologies,” the doctor half-smiled. “Your husband has a penile fracture. He has a tear in the tunica albuginea, which is the…I suppose I don’t need to explain it to a doctor.” 

Spencer nodded and grimaced slightly. Although he wasn’t a medical doctor, he knew exactly what it was. 

The rubbery sheath of tissue below the skin that allows the penis to to increase in width and length to produce a firm erection. 

He felt a surge of pain again in his own crotch at the thought. 

“He’ll need surgery?” Spencer asked. 

“Yes, we’d like to get him in straight away to avoid any permanent sexual or urinary issues.” The doctor informed him.

“Yes, of course.” Spencer pinched the bridge of his nose as he sat back down in the chair and watched the doctor walk away. 

Maybe he and Ethan weren’t ready. Maybe they’d been too quick to try and reignite the spark between them. 

They certainly weren’t going to be having sex for some time now, at least a few months while Ethan healed.

Maybe they’d never be able to be intimate again. Not if Spencer couldn’t shake the sight of his husband's broken penis from his brain anyway. 

***

Two Weeks Ago

The BAU’s newest case had taken them to Arizona and the humidity was so stifling you couldn’t sleep. 

You decided to go for a walk, maybe have a drink at the hotel bar to try and help you sleep. 

You instantly regretted it when you entered the bar and saw him sitting there alone. 

You wanted to turn to leave but he’d already spotted you, offering you a slightly downtrodden half-smile. 

If you turned to leave now it would be obvious you were avoiding him, not that you should really care. 

In two and a half months the two of you had said barely a handful of words to each other. If the team had noticed no one had said as much but you thought it must be noticeable.

Despite your better judgement to turn and run, you padded over to the bar and ordered a glass of wine whilst slipping into the bar stool next to him.

“Can’t sleep either?” He asked, his voice slightly croaky.

“No, the humidity is a bitch.” You thanked the bartender and sipped your wine, turning to watch him play with his half empty scotch glass. “What about you?”

Spencer looked up at you, his eyes didn’t have the glow you knew them to have. 

“Things are just…” he exhaled. “Ethan broke his penis.” 

You almost spat out your wine at his words. Of all the things you thought he might have said, that didn’t even make the list. 

“I’m sorry?” You frowned deeply. 

“I should not have told you that.” He shook his head, lifting his glass to his lips. “It’s been a long few weeks.” 

“You just told the woman you were sleeping with that your husband broke his penis.” 

“I did.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. I have no friends in DC so I have no one to talk to. And Ethan’s just being a huge baby and I…I’m sorry, it was inappropriate.” 

“I mean, he broke his penis. He’s allowed to be a baby.” You smirked around your wine glass. 

Spencer couldn’t help but chuckle as he took another sip of his scotch. 

“Fair point. How did things get so fucked up?” 

“I believe that was when you failed to tell me you were married.” 

“Right.” Spencer nodded stiffly, placing his glass back on the bar. “I miss you.” 

“I’m seeing someone.” You turned away from him, downing the rest of the wine in one go. 

“You are?” 

“Yes. You got back together with your husband and I’m dating.” You placed a bill on the bar and slid out of your chair. 

“That was fast.” Spencer scoffed. 

“You don’t get to judge me.” You spat. “You gave up the right to do that when your husband showed up. Go to hell, Spencer.” 

With that you turned on your heels and fled the bar before he could say another word. 

***

June - Present Day

Spencer couldn’t tear his eyes away from the small bundle in Amelia’s arms while she and Ethan’s words completely went over his head. 

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there for, blood boiling in his veins, until he reached his breaking point. 

“Who’s baby is that?” He spat, although he already knew the answer. 

“What do you think?” Amelia shrugged. “You didn’t tell him? You’ve been here three months and it never came up?” 

“Spence,” Ethan’s voice shook as he turned to his husband. “Spence…I wanted to tell you, I really did. But I…I didn’t know how.” 

Spencer looked between Ethan, Amelia and the baby. No one knew how he would react, or what to expect. 

He kept glancing between the three of them, his brain racing and his heart hammering. 

The seconds that passed felt like hours and the tension was so thick it felt like it was suffocating them. 

And then, to everyone’s surprise, Spencer started to laugh. 

Out of nowhere he started chuckling loudly, holding his stomach as he did so. 

Ethan and Amelia exchanged confused looks, thinking Spencer had lost his mind. 

“Spencer?” Amelia swallowed. “Are you ok?” 

Spencer didn’t answer her, he just continued laughing heartily. 

Ethan dared to step closer to him and put his hand on his husband's shoulder. 

“Spence? What’s so funny?” He croaked.

“It’s just perfect isn’t it?” Spencer wiped a few tears of laughter that escaped his eyes. “It’s just so fucking perfect.” 

“You’re scaring me.” Amelia chewed her lip, cradling her and Ethan’s baby closer to her body. 

Spencer ignored her and turned to Ethan, fishing in his pocket for his wedding ring. 

He gripped Ethan’s wrist and turned his hand over before roughly pressing his ring into Ethan’s palm. 

“Divorcing your ass is going to be a pleasure.” Spencer smiled almost menacingly. 

“Spencer, please. We can talk about this, we can-“

“No.” Spencer shook his head. “No more talking. No more excuses. I decided to try again with you because I didn’t want to just throw nearly twenty years down the drain. But I don’t love you Ethan. I don’t even like you!”

Spencer’s slightly raised voice had started gaining the attention of his team members who were now gathered by the doors listening. 

But he didn’t even notice. So he continued. 

“I was a fucking idiot for giving you another chance. And not because you cheated on me. I was an idiot because I’m in love with someone else. Someone sweet and kind and everything you’ll never be. 

She made me realise what true love is. In a few months I felt more for her than I’ve felt for you in two decades. So I want a divorce because I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to spend the rest of my life with Y/N.” 

A few gasps echoed around him from his team members and that was when he realised he was being watched. 

He glared wide eyed at them as they stared back at him through the glass doors until a small, stifled sob caught his attention. 

He turned around quickly in the direction the sound came from and his heart burst at the sight of you sobbing into your hands as Garcia gripped your shoulder. 

Cautiously he walked towards you, and when he reached you, he cupped your face in his hands. You let him wipe your tears with the pads of his thumbs and felt Garcia let go of you and step backwards. 

“You…you mean it?” You choked, your bottom lip quivering. 

“I do.” He nodded. “I don’t deserve another chance but I hope you’ll give it to me anyway. Because I am so in love with you Y/N and I can’t imagine my life without you.” 

“But…there are rules. You said so yourself. We can’t be together while you're my boss.”  You whimpered a little. 

“So I’ll quit.” He chuckled. “I hate being in charge anyway. I always thought I’d make a good teacher.” 

You looked up at him through large, watery eyes. 

Everyone else slipped away. Ethan, Amelia, the baby, the rest of the team, all ceased to exist. 

You gave a brief thought to Luke and the three dates you’d been on before you’d confessed to him that you were in love with Spencer. 

Maybe it hadn’t been fair for you to lie to Spencer in that hotel bar in Arizona but at the time you’d just wanted to hurt him like he’d hurt you. Maybe one day you’d tell him you and Luke had ended things before that night in Arizona. But right now it didn’t matter. 

“Are you serious?” 

“Very.” He smiled softly at you. “Can you forgive me, Y/N?” 

Forgiveness would be a difficult thing. After everything Spencer had put you through, it wasn’t going to be as simple as just forgiving him. 

But you were sure you would one day. And you didn’t want to wake up when that day came to find Spencer hadn’t waited around for you. 

“It’ll take time.” You sniffed. “You’ve got a long way to go before I can truly forgive you.”

“I’ll spend an eternity making it up to you if I have to.” He was quick to say. “I love you Y/N. I’ll do anything it takes.” 

“For starters, you could kiss me.” Your lip twitched into a smile and Spencer breathed a sigh of relief. 

Still cupping your face, he drew you closer and when your lips met, you melted into him the way you always did. 

At that moment, all the things the two you had been through seemed irrelevant. The only thing that mattered as you wrapped your arms around his neck while he deepened the kiss, was that you’d made it here. 

He’d picked you. He’d chosen you. He loved you. The story of how you’d gotten here was inconsequential, the only thing that mattered was that Spencer Reid was your happy ending. 

Taglist

All ships & genres

@muffin-cup @andiebeaword @measure-in-pain @takeyourleap-of-faith @dirtytissuebox @smurphyse @ssa-uglywhore27 @reidselle @reidsbookclub

SR x reader

@dreatine @dr-spencerr-reidd @radtwinkie @drayshadow @rainsong01 @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @pastelbabygirl19 @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @people-whatabunchofbastards @justreadingficsdontmindme @dielgonacoffee @hotchandspencearedilfs @im-totally-not-dezi

[incarnateirony]

whyyyy do whiny delusional stans keep trying to argue in my anon box, nobody cares about what you tell yourself to sleep at night, how badly you choose to misunderstand someone, et cetera. nobody cares about your opinion carol. not those of us operating in the real world. I'm very sorry you attached your personal identity to a fictional stan narrative but that is a personal problem.

What you seem angriest about, though, is realizing that whatever has changed has put you so beneath me, this is all you've gotten from me since January. Since 2po loves January so much. And then most distinctly since the start of March to the point I've nearly vanished into the aether.

Sure whatever believe what you want lmfao fuck all nobody cares susan currently horny furries are more important to me than your disassociative arguments so take some time to unpack your realistic place in the world and that it does not orbit around your interests or beliefs. Or anyone particularly caring if you're breathing much less opinioning or what those opinions are, karen.

seriously there's some major perspective based psychotherapy that needs done with you lot. I just got a fuckin anon "U SAY UR NOT AN SPN STAN BUT ALL YOU TALK ABOUT IS SPN" [scrolls wall] horny furries, horny furries, fantasy land, GMing, WGA, WGA, WGA, Gotham Knights, video games, kpop, beyonce, all CW tweets, music videos conveniently posted right before those tweets that match them or even in regards to ongoing messaging on almost every social

("Lets Get It", Light It Up/Set the World On Fire/Spell to Burn/Burn It Down/Coming In Hot/3 2 1 BOOM, We're Getting Out, Where Did He Go, We Are The Warriors That Built This Town, Breaking In To Break Out, City Is At War, Revenge, The Hidden Cult, Howdy Business Partner, Keep Your Enemies Closer, This Isn't Walker's Fight Anymore, Nobody Expected This, Never Stop Me Zaddy Dent just turned around and said Don't Stop five minutes later THATS WEIRD, Some People Claim To Be Healers Some Actually Are, Let Go Of The Past, et al and so on ad nauseam),

industry events, paramount, CBS, multiple networks, oh there it is, there's the one SPN post I've been reblogging.

Dude. What you're experiencing is psychosis. By definition. You cannot perceive the world outside of your hyperfixation and determine it is fake and does not exist. You are actually only defining yourself. You can not perceive the underdark roleplay friends talking, you can't perceive other networks, studios, or industry events in discussion. You DEFINITELY won't let yourself fuckin' perceive the song vs CW tweets thing. It is all you understand and talk about, and because you refuse to perceive anything else, you tell yourself your behavior is normal, and scream at others that they must be the same as you.

Get a therapist. You are kings and queens of fictional landscapes in your own head you project onto social media spaces about TV shows. Get out of the way. The real royals are busy GMing for horny furries between shots you don't comprehend. But whether or not you comprehend it, you're the punch lines of the communal joke anyway. It's funny to us, whether or not you get it or how offended or opinionated you get about it.

[Intro: Jaira Burns, Soyeon & Lexie Liu] K/DA Should we show 'em how we do it every day? Yeah, yeah, yeah Na, na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na-na Let's get 'em

[Verse 1: Soyeon & Lexie Liu] Akali that girl, 'Kali go grr 'Kali don't stop, 'Kali don't skrrt 'Kali got a job, 'Kali go to work 뜨거워 언제나, don't get burnt 넘쳐 흘러 more than a buffet 난 죽여 주잖아 like I'm Buffy 누가 감히 on my Huffy 거- 문열지마 that's a rough day (Woo) I'm givin' you more 'cause I'm greater than 필요없는 시험들, 답은 이미 But all of my numbers are talkin', babe 블루마블 Mrs. 모노폴리 (Ooh) 너는 – 종이 돈이 나는 real money (Hey) 필요 없대 너네들이 많은 돈들 Go get it, go get it, go get it, the mission 눈을못떼 모두 그래 너도 그래 (Oh) 'Cause I got it different

[Pre-Chorus: Madison Beer & Miyeon] All I'll ever know is life up on a throne 시 작 하 면 끝을 보는 거야 You want

[Chorus: All & Miyeon] More Know I got it, so here you go (Let's go) You look like you could use some more (More) Know I got it and never runnin' low (Low) Yeah, I got more than enough, add it up and away (Ayy, ayy) You know I got it like bomb-bomb, blow your mind Never givin' less and that's how it'll stay (Ayy, ayy) You know I got it like all day, all the time

[Verse 2: Jaira Burns] When I go, it's for gold Yeah, they cool, but I'm cold I don't fit in the mold I'm a rebel I don't do what you say Makin' moves, I don't wait While I smile in your face I got different DNA

[Verse 3: Madison Beer, Miyeon & Jaira Burns] What's higher than the top? That's me (That's me) Come take a look before falling at my feet (Oh) 조용히 몸을 숙, 여 봐 (Yeah, yeah, yeah) So take a look, 나를 기억해 a queen (Oh)

[Pre-Chorus: Madison Beer & Miyeon] All I'll ever know is life up on a throne 시 작 하 면 끝을 보는 거야 You want

[Chorus: All & Miyeon] More Know I got it, so here you go (Let's go) You look like you could use some more (More) Know I got it and never runnin' low (Low) Yeah, I got more than enough, add it up and away (Ayy, ayy) You know I got it like bomb-bomb, blow your mind Never givin' less and that's how it'll stay (Ayy, ayy) You know I got it like all day, all the time

[Bridge: Lexie Liu] Way out 感觉犹如海浪, on the wave now 不断往前遨游, never weighed down This is how I do it every day, wow, wow 这一路上的奇迹 都记住了你的每一个瞬间 无比的耀眼 I know, I know, you want some more 准备好就一起走 givin' it all

[goldeneyedgirl]

I love your writing so much, thank you for everything Jalice you created with your brilliant mind😭

I have heard mcu would be updated? And stl too? Omg. Lexie, I swear you uploads treated as a freaking Holiday miracle in my life. I legit to this day remember the absolute mind-altering evening I had, when I found STL and have read it for the first time. I re-read it yesterday, and its makes me e.m.o.t.i.o.n.a.l every time, fuck. Especially Jasper’s parts.

Also, I do realise its might seem like I am stalking your blog, but I am just obsessed with your view on Twilight and Jalice, I swear, I am not a psycho😂. Its also that, yours is the only tumblr blog I have a notification mode turned on.

Also, I would love to see the Dark & the Unknown, because what the fuck is with Alice? She IS alive, right? Like, I have a whole movie in my head, where opens her eyes and the Cullens are like, what the fuck is going on? And Jasper is just shocked, horrified but also relieved. And then the Cullens hear them fucking in Jasper’s study, and they are traumatised.😐😂 and Emmett is just: “bro, she is terrifying 😈 “ or something like that😀

Anyway, thank you for everything you have written so far, I ADORE your brain❤️

You are so damn sweet <3 Thank you so much for your support, you've left so many comments and tags and likes, it means so much to me. I'm just the weirdo with too many ideas and not enough time to get them all written.

Jar of Hearts and STL are the next two updates I have planned. Variable Stars is currently in pieces undergoing a complete rewrite of the next three chapters. The one-shots this month are my fantastically late Valentine's one-shot from Space-verse, and the February prompt for the 2023 Prompt List.

Shadow to Light being so popular is wild to me, and I am so grateful people are still following it. It was supposed to be a one-shot, then a two-shot, then a fic that was wrapped up in 6 chapters (I still remember exactly where it was when it changed for me to a Big Project), and now is one of the longest fics I've ever managed and one of the things I'm most proud of. Thank you so much for putting up with my slow updates.

I do have some amazing asks from you in my inbox, I just need the time to sit down and give them a good response that doesn't make me sound like a babbling fool (and there was one that I needed to hunt down a specific image that has become really hard to find, but I think I found it!)

2023 is The Dark And the Unknown's year, I can feel it. We're going to get our cryptid romance on. I don't want to spoil it, but Alice does freak out the entire family at one point, and Jasper is smitten. However, the pacing is messed up at the moment - which just means I have to add a bunch of scenes and make it longer - so I'm crossing my fingers that it will be this year's Halloween fic.

And again, thank you. Before I wrote for Jalice, I wrote for fandoms/pairings that didn't have a lot of interaction, so I never got to talk to people or have anyone read my stuff so it always amazing and exciting to see likes and reblogs and reviews and asks (that might be why I get overwhelmed - I'm absolutely not used it!)

[josjournal]

Come Home (Full Moon Ficlet #491 - Kanima)

Written for @fullmoonficlet

Derek sat down next to Stiles, looking at the screen. “Jackson?”

“Derek,” Jackson responded with a stiff nod. 

“Everything alright?” It was clear that everything was not alright, but he couldn’t put his finger on why he felt that way. Without his sense of smell, he was going in blind. He thought he detected Jackson’s heart racing, but that could have been Stiles’ heart. Jackson looked tired, and he rubbed at the back of his neck like he had after Derek dug his claws in, making Derek sit up straighter. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Jackson responded, his voice quieter than usual.

“I’m not a ‘wolf, and I know that’s a lie, Jackie,” Alexander said, dropping down and wiggling his way between Stiles and Derek.

“Shut up, kid,” Jackson said without any venom, and Derek smiled. 

“Then tell the truth,” Alexander said, “because you’ve been bullshitting my dad for the last half an hour.”

“Language!” Derek, Stiles, and Jackson said in unison.

“He is right, though,” Stiles added. “You’ve called me every day for the last week to chat, and that’s out of character.”

Jackson sighed, looking over his shoulder. He disappeared from the frame for a moment, and Derek heard a door close, and the light on Jackson’s end dimmed slightly. Jackson reappeared in the frame. His eyes were blank as he stared at them.

“Is it possible for an ex-kanima to return to their former shape?” he asked after several moments of silence.

“I don’t…know,” Stiles replied, looking at Derek, who shrugged.

“Why?” Alexander asked. “Do you think you are?”

“Always to the point, aren’t you, Lexi?”

“You know it, Jackie.” They shared a smile. Jackson’s was a little sad. 

“Why do you think you’re regressing?” Derek asked carefully, leaning forward, trying to study Jackson as he rubbed at the back of his neck again. “Have the marks reappeared?”

Jackson turned his back to the screen, and they all leaned in for a closer look. Besides the redness caused by the rubbing, there were no signs of the claw marks Derek had inflicted on him way before he turned him. “I don’t see anything,” Derek said. “Do you see something?”

“I keep thinking I see something from the corner of my eye,” Jackson replied, turning back around and looking slightly more relaxed. “The hallucinations are back. The black ooze. The snakes. All of it. And the nightmares.”

“Damn,” Stiles muttered, excusing himself and heading for the library, and Derek knew he’d be researching. 

“Dad will figure it out,” Alexander told him. “You know he will.” Jackson nodded. “So, how is everything else? Last time we talked, you told me about that ass-”

“Language,” Derek and Jackson said.

“Douchebag?” It wasn’t much better, but Derek allowed it, thinking of all the times Stiles used that term to describe Jackson.

Jackson’s expression darkened even more. “He’s still here.”

“You don’t like him?” Derek asked.

“I don’t trust him,” Jackson countered. “He’s hard not to like. All sunshine and rainbows.”

“All the things you hate,” Alexander pointed out, laughing, and Derek counted it as a win when Jackson’s lips twitched.

Jackson went on to talk about the new beta in his pack that had appeared on the last full moon and immediately insinuated himself into the Pack. His tone kept swinging from fond to exasperated to downright angry, and Derek wondered how much this new beta reminded him of Stiles. Perhaps where the animosity stemmed from, especially now that he and Stiles were so close.

“Wait,” Alexander interrupted. “When did all the kanima-related issues start?”

“I don’t know. I woke up after the last full moon run feeling too hot, and the itching on my neck started later that day,” Jackson said thoughtfully. “I thought at first I’d gotten poison ivy or something.”

“So, the same time that-”

Stiles came running into the room, shouting, “Jackson! Have you been around kanima venom lately? We know it doesn’t affect you because you still have kanima blood running through your werewolf veins, but have you?”

“Not that I’m aware of. What are you going on about?” 

“Are you sure that this new beta is a ‘wolf?” Derek asked.

“Well, yeah, I mean…I’ve never seen him shift beyond his eyes, but he-”

“He’s a kanima!” Stiles said. “That has to be it.”

Jackson shook his head. “He couldn’t be.”

“He could, and he could be being controlled by someone like Argent,” Derek said, picking up his phone to call the Alpha of the Pack where Jackson was staying. He left the room but kept an ear on the conversation.

“You have to get out of there,” Stiles said, looking at the book in his lap. “It says prolonged exposure to Kanima venom could turn you back and make you even more susceptible to outside control.”

“I can’t leave my Pack,” Jackson said.

“They aren’t your Pack. We’re your Pack,” Stiles argued. “You said Derek would always be your Alpha. You swore that even when you went back to England.”

“Stiles-”

“Jackie,” Alexander interrupted. “Come home.” 

Derek stepped back into the room after a hurried conversation with Alpha Winchester. He’d expressed his concerns and his desire for Jackson’s safety. They’d already agreed it would be best for Jackson to return to California, but the choice had to be his and his alone.

“Lexi, I can’t.”

“You can,” Derek assured him. “You are my first beta. You will always have a place in our Pack. Jackson, come home.”

Jackson looked at them all, his gaze landing finally on Stiles. “You don’t want me around,” he said, his eyes filled with hope and fear.

Stiles snorted. “Dude, you suck, but I miss you. Come home.” Jackson nodded and hurriedly cut the connection but not before Derek saw his eyes glisten with tears.

Cross-posted to AO3

[flowerslut]

5, 6 and 19!!!

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

this is so fun to talk about because I never let myself indulge in Fic Thinking Or Brainstorming because that's dangerous for me (for obvious reasons) BUT two fun fic ideas I've had in the past year-ish are these SUPER fun ones:

what if james and co DIDN'T overhear the cullen's baseball game and didn't stop by the cullen's residence until the next day like alice ORIGINALLY thought? (and with edward absent and playing the Must Be Constantly Around Bella game I think the whole 'james knows who alice is' reveal could be SO FUN—really you could go any way with this: angsty, silly, both!) I thought I would write this eventually but there ain't no way in hell it'll happen at the rate things are going lmfao

and what if alice was like "I have to WAIT to meet my true love? hell no" and after a few years she goes down south and makes her own army in a "well if you can't kiss 'em, join 'em" type of way. I just want to see a dumber version of alice who is like "I'll get this man's attention one way or another. i'll sort everything else out eventually" and she makes SO many bad choices but whoops she's good at this army business and now she's super powerful lol whoops! well, she'll get her back blown out one way or another! and if she has to commit a few thousand murders beforehand then like, whatever, yknow?

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

yes!!! right now I've been on a BIG tlt fic binge and these are a couple I go back to all the time: GHAZAL WHERE I'M BEGGING YOU TO TOUCH ME, Inversion (<- this right here is the best tlt fic I've ever read), The Heart is Hard to Translate, and beat your swords into ploughshares (and your spears into pruning hooks). most of these are explicit griddlehark fics if I'm not mistaken lmfao

and as far as jalice fics are concerned I regularly return to @goldeneyedgirl's ongoing jalice fics Jar of Hearts and Shadow to Light because lexie's versions of jasper and alice mean so goddamn much to me. but I don't read much jalice tbh because I am... so picky with their characterization, etc.

19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs.

this is long enough, so here's a bonus roots snippet under the cut!

When the screeching of limbs and heads being removed punctuated the hissing and crying that had filled the field, the vampire who stood, watching, rolling the stone around in their pocket, finally let out a sigh.

“Very well,” they spoke, watching as their army gathered the bodies to drag across the barren land and toward the pile that had already been assembled just out of sight, up and then down another hill. As they worked in agreeable silence, the watcher closed their eyes again, sighing once more.

The stone in their pocket was sharp on one side. With a small amount of pressure, the tip of their finger opened. A clenched fist brought venom toward their palm and with a quick squeeze their hand was wet with it.

Memories attached to the pain trickled in through their thoughts. For a moment they smiled and pictured once more the two bodies that were being carried away. Their faces were not hard to morph with the imagination, their features not quite similar but close enough that there was no effort to this daydream.

They imagined blonde hair torn and burnt, skull exposed and venom slick across the head. An opened neck, perhaps proving that scarred skin all looked the same when peeled back, ripped from the cemented system that held their kind together. His teeth would be kept and put to use. His last mark on the world he’d abandoned would never come. He would become nothing more than a discarded instrument, broken down for parts—maybe put back together once, or twice, just so they could hear him scream and beg and cry—that would be used to carve into every other victim these lands claimed.

The same teeth that had once marked them, would mark others, too.

Imagining the woman was easier, and brought a fiercer fire to their chest, the satisfaction of what would be done to her eliciting a full smile from their quiet, closed off face. Yes, the dark-haired witch would get what was coming to her. They imagined what she might look like, as torn and mangled as her companion had always been. Limbs fused together. Eyes gouged over and over until regeneration ceased (they had never figured out how many times their bodies could do such a thing).

Experiments were only kind when it was deserved. Some people did not deserve mercy.

fanfic writer asks!

[ozma914]

A Toy Soldier Story

 As a kid, I had to use my imagination. No cable, no video games, no Anarchist Cookbook on the internet. If I’d tried to buy the ingredients for a bomb, the store clerk would have been on the phone to my parents before I reached the door.

Then I’d have to cut my own switch, ending my bomb-making aspirations. Instead I wandered, literally, over hill and dale, made dams in the creek, plodded through swamps. I had a handful of favorite toys, dogs for companionship, and imagination. Any place was a playground, any object a toy. Every now and then I still check out the toy aisles, but today’s toys just aren’t interesting. You can’t play with today’s toys. You sit and look at them while they play themselves.

I'm old enough now that grandkids and pets are the best gifts. Not that I'd turn down 60s era Marx toy soldiers.

Oh, you might press a few buttons, but they do all the rest. They make noise, flash lights, speak to you, move around, until they need recharged. I’m not talking just about video games, which at least give you hand-eye coordination. But on that subject, what do the game makers brag about most? Better graphics and sound, and realistic cut scenes.

Heaven forbid you should imagine any of that. We generally got toys twice a year, for Christmas and birthdays. My parents never bought me toys because I got a good grade, or cleaned my room, or avoided juvenile hall. I did that stuff because if I didn’t, I’d have to cut a switch. Getting a switch used on me was bad; having to take that long walk out to the bush to cut one was much, much worse. I’d rather pull my teeth out with pliers and use them to chew off my own ear than get sent out to the bush. Don’t get me wrong, I got some great toys, it's just that I played with them. I got a scale model of the Starship Enterprise. I didn't push a button to make it fly: I held it out and whooshed it past my imaginary planets. How did my Enterprise make that “whoosh” warp sound? By me saying, “Whoosh!” I had to use my – say it with me – imagination.

I've had this fire truck for fifty years; it never moved on its own once. If it did, I'd freak out.

Have you ever played World War II video games? The realism is amazing, and if you’re not playing with someone, the game console itself moves the other characters around. I got a Marx "Battleground” play set. Plastic tanks, cannon, flags, landing craft – and get this, landmines, wounded soldiers, and stretchers. I had German, Japanese, British, and Confederate soldiers from several wars. You can’t have enemy troops these days, because the soldiers of Politically Correctness would pitch a fit. You'd probably get in trouble for pitching things, too. Eventually I learned war is a terrible thing, even when made necessary by various bad guys, but I still loved my play set. My parents, you see, taught me the difference between fantasy and reality. For example, fantasy was seeding my battleground with firecrackers; reality was them finding out and sending me to cut a switch. Fake battles led to my lifelong love of history, and I've never invaded Russia once, so I think I did okay.

I had a few remarkably “real” guns, meaning they were my size. No one imagined using one to rob a bank, or being mistaken for a gang member. My favorite was a Thompson machine gun, with which I defended our barn many times. No computer program was needed to produce my attackers – they came from my – wait for it – imagination. Another favorite gun was my Kentucky rifle, a muzzle loading weapon used in the Revolutionary War. My mother called it her mop handle.

But with the mop taken off, it was the perfect size and shape to win our independence. I fought off entire regiments of Englishmen with that rifle, alongside a company of Minutemen that was very much real to me and my imagination. I’m sure I looked ridiculous in the field behind our house, stabbing with the bayonet on my mop handle, getting hit and falling to the ground, then getting up to defend Lexington and Concord yet again. What did I care?

My favorite toy gun. If it was good enough for both Sgt. Rock and Sgt. Fury, it was good enough for me.

Not that fake warfare was my only interest – not with Frisbees, Matchbox cars, and paper airplanes available. My single speed Schwinn bicycle doubled as a spaceship and police car; walkie-talkies were useful for spy missions; and a beach towel was sufficient to make a superhero costume. I could go on and on (as my regular readers know.) Two chairs and a blanket made a great tent; small sticks and stones could become a city, waiting on an attack by Godzilla; and oh – what we could do with a cardboard box. The possibilities were endless. I can’t help thinking today’s kids are missing something important … and I’m not talking about the switch.

Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

Barnes & Noble:  https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

Substack:  https://substack.com/@markrhunter

Tumblr:  https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

Remember: Books make great bases for your toy soldier battles.

[hidesinhisarchived]

The last six months of Mark’s life had been incredibly hectic while preparing for his newest documentary series. Several months of headache-inducing negotiations and scrambling to find crew who were willing to live in LA’s infamous ‘murder house’ had left the filmmaker exhausted and ready to quit before even stepping foot inside the place. By the end, he’d gotten so tired of hearing people whine about ghosts this and curses that that he was about ready to pull his own hair out by the fist full. But, he’d pulled through it and put together an excellent crew that were eager to prove themselves. They were a bit young and inexperienced, but had potential and he honestly couldn’t afford to be picky at this point.

It was finally all over and they were in the house. Mark had been in awe of the place from the absolute second that he’d taken his first step inside, practically drooling over how the light shone through the stained glass windows. This was the kind of place that he’d often dreamed of buying when he was younger and making it into an artists’ haven for his friends and loved ones. Something elegant and classic, filled to the brim with history and so many stories.

He’d been so taken with it all, in fact, that he’d immediately dropped his stuff in the master bedroom and grabbed his still camera. He’d spent a good couple of hours photographing every part of the place that caught his attention and had even captured a couple of places from several different angles until he’d been satisfied. His crew had given him weird looks, but no one had said anything. After all, who was going to question the great Mr. Proof Positive himself? They took the job knowing that he had a reputation for being a bit eccentric at times. Perhaps that had even been part of the appeal.

A few days in and a new problem came to light: neither Mark nor the production company had thought to hire a stager. Mark had several talents outside of the filmmaking and the writing, but interior decorating wasn’t one of them. Hell, he was still stinging over Maureen and Joanne making fun of him for how he decorated his own home and that had been three years ago. As a result, he’d gotten his assistant Lexie to call around to see if she could find someone willing to work with them. 

It’d taken a week, but eventually Lexie had struck paydirt. She tossed a piece of paper with a name scribbled on it at him as he sat at the kitchen counter, squinting slightly at his laptop as he read over the history of the Montgomerys. “His name is Chad. He’ll be by sometime today to check the place out and talk to you about the job.”

The filmmaker frowned as he tried to make sense of what she said. “Who? What job?”

Lexie sighed, used to this by now. She knew that when Mark got heavily fixated on something, it took him a couple of seconds to come back to planet earth when interrupted. “The interior decorator. Stager. Whatever the hell it’s called. I had to go through the realtor that sold the place to the production company, but she said that she got up with someone who agreed. The details that she gave me are on the paper. I hope you don’t mind, but I gotta go early. I promised my mom that I’d take her out to dinner tonight.”

“Aw, you sure you don’t wanna stay? Maybe move in? It’ll save you a commute.” Mark grinned at her, chuckling as she shuddered.

“Absolutely not! Being in this place is creepy enough for a few hours a day. I can’t see how you can actually stand to live here. Ugh.” She shook her head, nose wrinkling as she grabbed her bag. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mark. Oh! I filled your prescription for you and left the bag on your nightstand. Take care of yourself.” And with a final wave, she was gone. 

Still lightly chuckling, he went back to his research. Mark wasn’t sure how long he’d stared at the computer screen, reading about the Montgomerys’ history and the history of their home, only stopping to take the occasional note. The sound of the doorbell startled him, making him jump and sending his heart skittering in his chest. He sighed at himself, taking a deep breath before sliding out of his chair and heading for the front door. The others were out for the day, exploring LA and seeing the sights before things got too busy and they weren’t able to, so it was just him in the house at the moment. 

The filmmaker opened the door and was almost immediately taken in by the pair of large brown eyes that he found himself staring in. They were expressive and bright and attached to an incredibly handsome face. Oh no. It’d been a long time since Mark had been this instantly taken by someone’s looks, to the point where his heart practically skipped a beat in his chest. Which, at his age and condition, probably wasn’t a good thing. Shit. 

He cleared his throat, offering a smile at the stranger. “Oh! Hello! You, uh, you must be the decorator. Chad, right?” Mark stepped to the side to allow him entrance into the house. “Come in! I’m Mark, Mark Cohen. I’m the one running all of this and trying to put this whole thing together. What all were you told about this job?”

@applesdrowned gets a starter!

[actressinyourbaddream]

Okay guys.

So two years ago today I was scrolling through my dash and saw a post by @tayplusjay asking if anyone wanted to make a groupchat, which I answered yes too.

That yes was literally one of the best decisions of my life.

I met the most amazing, incredible, beautiful, kindhearted, inspiring group of girls to ever walk the fucking planet. They have been with me through so much, including the worst time in my entire life (not even being dramatic, i don't know if i would've made it through that time without them). They have been my solid support system, my freak out squad, and my emotional go-tos. We've been through so much shit together you wouldn't even believe (i.e. one psycho lol) I've spent entire nights talking with them, crying with them, and laughing with them, and I wouldn't trade them for anything in this entire world.

These girls are my best friends. We've made it through 2 years, and I can't wait to see what the next 20 brings us 💕

And to @taylorswift you have done so much for all of us, with your music and your personality, but nothing can even compare to the fact that you brought all of us together. Thank you.

@forallwebeenthrough @longlive-89 @iknowswxft @reputationxts @tsreputation13 @fearlessly-buildingcastles @tayismom @tayplusjay @taylorswift

[luvfae]

Hi!

I don’t know if you take requests but you’re one of my favourite writers here! Could you please do Faye x fem!reader(more masc if you don’t mind) where reader comes by Fezco’s house and reader is starstruck with Faye (she can beat Crysty Custer up or sth) and they get to know eachother kinda like Fez and Lexi and she frequently comes by Fezco’s place to „meet him” but she just wants to see Faye

HER

fandom: euphoria

parings: faye x f reader

warnings: swearing, mention of drugs

You had been friends with Fezco for as long as you could remember, the two of you would have movie marathons and smoke weed together at least once a week, it was a platonic relationship, nothing else, and honestly you had no interest in dating, until you saw her.

You had came to Fezco’s one Saturday night to do the usual stuff the pair of you did, you were greeted at the door by Ashtray who walked with you into the living room, where Fezco was, talking to a blonde girl.

“Hey Fez,” you smiled, he looked over the girls shoulder, waving at you when she turned around.

“Yo, Y/N,” Fezco said. “Meet Faye, Faye Y/N. Faye’s staying with us for a while,” Fezco said.

You were starstruck by her, staring at her in awe as she smiled at you.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hey,” you replied, clearing your throat. You watched her as she walked past you and into the hallway, disappearing into a room. “That’s your girl?” You asked, trying to be happy for him.

“Nah,” he laughed, collapsing onto the couch. “She’s just chilling here until the cops stop looking for her.”

“Looking for her?” You knitted your eyebrows together.

“Yeah, long story. What you wanna watch?” He asked and you shrugged.

Eventually you agreed on a movie and even though you were staring at the lit up screen, your mind was elsewhere. From that day forward you started showing up at Fez’s house a lot more than once a week.

-

“You’re here again?” Ash asked, face screwed up once he saw you talking to Faye in the kitchen. “I’m gunna have to start charging you rent,” Ash said.

“Shut up,” you rolled your eyes turning back to Faye. “So, are you single?” You asked, hope in your eyes.

“I have a boyfriend but like he doesn’t come around often,” Faye said, no emotion whatsoever in her tone. “Do you?”

“No,” you replied. Faye hummed, nodding at you.

Ever since that interact with Faye, the pair of you have only gotten closer. You spoke with her every time you came to Fez’s house and even got her number so you could text of a night.

Fezco would watch Faye walk around his house, eyes glued to her phone a grin on her face, her fingers typing furiously for hours and hours and he’d watch you light up when you saw Faye. Everything just started to click for him.

“You only come around so much to see Faye, don’t you?” Fezco said one night, a smile on his face.

Your eyes widened, looking over at him. “No! What are you talking about? I come here to see you,” you said, crossing your arms over your chest.

Fezco laughed, “liar.”

“Shut up,” you said, rolling your eyes at him.

“It’s cool, but you know she’s got a boyfriend, right?” Fezco said and you nodded. “He’s a dick though, bet you could take him.”

“Am I really wrecking a home if it isn’t happy?” You asked, looking over at Fez, the two of you burst out laughing.

A few hours later and Fezco had fallen asleep on the couch. You stood up, heading over to Fezco’s room where Faye was sitting.

“Hey,” you said, closing the door behind you and taking a seat next to her. She smiled up at you. “What’re you doing?” You asked.

She shrugged, dropping her phone onto the bed. “Just got off the phone with Custer… I broke up with him,” she sighed.

“What? Why?” You asked, eyebrows knitted together, but also feeling relief.

“Because there’s someone else i’m interested in,” she looked over at you with a smile.

“Oh, who? Fez?” You asked, feeling hopeful, wishing it was you.

“No silly, you,” she said, hands on your cheeks, pulling you in for a kiss.

© luvfae 2022

[bumblesimagines]

❝  every time you smile at me,  i memorize it.  i remember each moment that i get to be the one to bring out that light inside you.  no matter what happens between us,  that’s what i’ll remember.   ❞

Lexi

❝  every time you smile at me,  i memorize it.  i remember each moment that i get to be the one to bring out that light inside you.  no matter what happens between us,  that’s what i’ll remember.   ❞

It started with Rue. Lexi had crushed on Rue for a long while and while Lexi knew nothing would ever come out of it, she couldn't help her feelings. Then Jules came along and her feelings dwindled to nothing. It started with Rue and ended with you, (Y/N) Hernandez, the older brother of Kat.

Life was funny in a way. She knew you, of course she did, but she didn't actually know you. She knew of your existence just like you knew of hers but that's as far as it went. Until the day you arrived at the Howard household looking for your sister and Lexi found herself sat beside you in the livingroom talking about anything that came to mind. It was the first time she felt truly heard after her complicated friendship with Rue. You made her laugh and asked questions, indulging her in all her fixations. A few smiles here and there and she had opened up without hesitation.

You, on the other hand, remained unopened. A book with a lock and a key nowhere to be found. She'd known Kat for so long yet she knew nothing about you. Perhaps it was intentional but it had been intriguing enough that you had secured a spot in her play.

Lexi sat on the couch on stage, the decorations similar to the ones in her own home. She could hear the actresses in the 'next room' chatting. She turned towards the audience, spotlight shining on her and only her.

"This day, I was introduced to someone I had known for years. Crazy, right? I knew him forever and yet, I didn't all at once. Lunas' brother had come in search of his sister and instead I found him. Maybe I'm being dramatic but.. this day my whole perspective changed. He was no longer Lunas' brother who I never spoke to. He was my friend now." Lexi took a moment, letting the actor who played you step on stage. She could hear your chuckle in the audience and it eased her nerves.

"He was a mystery to many." Lexi continued, standing up as the actor sat on the couch. She remembered it clearly. The clothes you wore, the way you looked around the house but never left the livingroom out of politeness, the way you addressed Kat in a sweet manner.

"But he spoke to me and he got to know me. The first guy who had ever approached me without being forced to or because he wanted to be introduced to my sister. In a matter of days, he became someone important to me. Every time you smile at me, I memorize it. I remember each moment that I get to be the one to bring out that light inside you. No matter what happens between us, that’s what I’ll remember." Lexi turned towards the audience, listening to a chorus of claps spread through the theater. She walked forward, looking down at the audience and searching for you. Her gaze met yours and it was then when she noticed the flowers on your lap. She fought the urge to smile until her cheeks hurt, raising her head and continuing with her play.

"I realized soon after... I don't need to change myself for boys or girls to like me or approach me. I didn't need to have a body like Hallie or be popular like Marta. I just needed to be me."

[clarabellewrites]

chapter one teaser: congratulations

the sun don’t shine when i’m alone / i lose my mind and i lose control / i see your eyes look through my soul

When Fez woke up that morning, the red numbers on his digital alarm clock read 7:00 AM and Lexi’s side of the bed was empty. As far as he knew, that was strike one and two.

How the fuck she leave without me knowin’? thought Fezco, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. In his line of work, Fez had to be ready for anything to happen—good or bad. What was the point of him taking the left side, closest to the door, if he slept through every fucking thing?

Shaking his head, Fez got out of bed and pulled on a pair of pajama pants. The room was dark, shades drawn—a real tripping hazard. He spent a good few minutes trying to find his cigarettes and lighter before swiping them off the bedside table.

Swinging the door open, it was like God said “let there be light” or some shit. Too damn early for this, he thought, shielding his eyes.

Fez had never been a morning person. Then again, neither was his grandma, but comas didn’t really care about that.

Crossing the hallway, he checked on her. In times like this, so early in the morning, he could almost pretend she was asleep like everyone else. Dreaming peacefully. Ready to wake up after a few hours and steal his smokes. The beeping of her heart rate monitor kind of took away from that fantasy.

“Mornin’, grandma,” Fez said, venturing deeper into the room. “How you doin’?”

Her vitals were good. Ashtray was probably in here earlier. Her piss bag was new and empty. Either that or her kidneys were failing, and Fez didn’t wanna think too much about that possibility.

He fluffed her pillow. “Aight, I’ll see ya later,” Fez said.

Hands in his pajama pockets, he made his way past the living room and to the dining area. He could see Lexi moving around in the kitchen. Ash sat at the table, eating a bowl of cereal and scrolling through his phone. Fez punched him on the shoulder.

“Hey, man,” he said. “Whatchu doin’ up?

Only Ashtray could angrily eat a bowl of Froot Loops. “Last week of school,” Ash answered.

To be honest, sometimes Fez forgot that Ash was still enrolled in East Highland Middle School. It was mostly a formality to keep CPS off their back. Fez had to call a guy to get the papers drawn up. Ash O’Neill, adopted son of Marie O'Neill. He called in sick a lot. Chronic illness. Either his teachers truly didn’t give a fuck or Fez had finally perfected the art of forging his grandma’s signature. As long as they weren’t asking any questions, that’s all he cared about.

Deep down, Fez knew he wanted more for his brother. Fezco taught Ashtray everything he knew, from basic math to the different types of drugs they sold. But there was a lot more to life than that. As long as Ash was willing to go, Fez was happy to spend weekdays dealing at the shop alone.

“For real?” Fez said, lighting his first cigarette of the day. “That’s wassup. What grade you in, anyway?”

“Seventh,” he said, spoon clanging loudly in his bowl.

“Yo, congrats,” Fez said, puffing out smoke. “Lemme know if you need a ride or somethin’. I gotta drop Lexi off anyway.”

“She’s listenin’ to her weird music again,” Ash said, ignoring Fez’s offer. “It’s too fuckin’ early for that shit.”

“You give her headphones?” Ash gave him a dark look. “Aight, I’ll talk to her, damn.”

As Fez shuffled to the kitchen, he drank in the sight of his girlfriend. Lexi stood at the stove with her back turned to him, dancing along to music Fez couldn’t hear. She wore a pair of tiny jean shorts and a plaid yellow top, all ready for the day despite the godawful hour.

Her hair was tangled with the white headphone cords. Cigarette hanging from his mouth, Fez wrapped both arms around her waist. “Mornin’, Lex."

“Good morning, Fez,” she said, smiling up at him. She took out the earbuds and placed them around her shoulders. “Are you hungry? I’m making food.”

She had half the fridge out on the kitchen counter and an empty pan in front of her. Raising his eyebrows, he put his cig between two fingers and kissed the side of her neck. “Hell yeah, I’m hungry.”

“Stoppp,” she said, giggling but pushing him away. “Go sit over there or put that out. I don’t want smoke in my eggs.”

“Bossy,” he said, stubbing out the cigarette and jumping up on the cabinet. “Ash said you was listenin’ to your weird music again.”

Lexi rolled her eyes while cracking eggs into a bowl he didn’t know they had. “Hyperpop isn’t weird."

“Hey, that’s what I told ‘im,” Fez agreed, holding up his hands in defense. “You excited for school?”

She poured the mixture into the pan and turned up the heat. “Yeah, finals suck but it’ll be nice to take a break. Plus I have that college class this summer so it won’t be that different.” Lexi sighed. “Is it weird that I’m a little sad?”

“Nah, I getchu,” Fez said, shrugging. “You like school. ’s hard to quit somethin’ you love, even for a lil while.” Just ask Rue, he thought to himself.

Lexi nodded, stirring the eggs with a spoon until they clumped up. They sat in comfortable silence as she cooked.

Fez scratched his beard, thinking about what he had to do for the day. First, eat a bomb ass breakfast that he didn't even have to make himself. Drop Lex and Ash off for school. Head to the store, count the cash in the register and sell a bunch of overpriced Flamin' Hot Cheetos to stoners. Give Grandma her meds at lunch time. Go back to the store, hook up the blue collar crowd—after all, it was 5 o'clock somewhere. Wait until 3:15 PM rolled around and finally, finally it was time for Lexi to come home.

Since when did he measure his days around East Highland's teaching schedule? He hadn't stepped foot in there in years, except for dealing at the winter formal last December. Of course, the answer to that question stood right in front of him—and was currently adding lettuce to his eggs.

"The fuck is that green shit, Lex?" he asked, pointing at the frying pan. Looked like something straight outta Dr. Suess.

"Oh, this? I brought kale from home. It goes really good with eggs," she said, adding some salt and pepper like that'll make it better. At his skeptical look, Lexi added, "What, don't you trust me?"

With my life, he didn't say. "Aight, I trust you." Then, under his breath, just loud enough for her to hear: "Fuckin' green eggs and ham shit, for real."

"Fezco!" she squawked, brown eyes wide as hell, throwing a piece of eggshell at him in fury. He dodged it no problem. "Fine, no food for you then."

"Aw, don' be like that." He laughed and jumped down from the counter, stealing a piece of cheese. He knew Lexi well enough to know she wasn't actually mad. "Lemme make you dinner tonight. None of that kale shit, though."

She pointed the spoon at him. "I'm holding you to that."

*

read the rest here!

[jentlemahae]

I Watched Euphoria So You Don’t Have To (Article)

I’m gonna be brutally upfront with you – even before watching a single episode of Euphoria, I did not like the show one bit. Being somewhat active on social media, I’ve seen about a billion posts praising the series since it first aired two and a half years ago, and over time I’ve grown more and more curious about it. But a quick skim of the summary and trailer were enough to spark my disdain. I did not like the show, and no amount of propaganda on social media could change my mind.

However, it just so happened that my friend was a fan, so she had been begging me to watch it for years on end. “Come on, it’s not that bad! You will enjoy it, I promise!” were words I had been hearing constantly, and every single time I would roll my eyes and shake my head as a response. Until one day she (unexpectedly) won me over by telling me that if I was going to keep criticizing it, I had to at least watch it for myself. Or to use her exact words, “To talk shit, you gotta know shit”. And so, I reluctantly pressed play on the first episode…

Euphoria 101

As mentioned in the introduction, given how people on social media would not shut up about it, I already knew about 90% of the story prior to watching Euphoria, and I suppose that if you are on any social platform, you are somewhat familiar with it too. But if you aren’t, here’s a quick rundown.

The story revolves around a group of high school students, and narrates their experiences with love, drugs, search for identity, and the ups and downs of life. The main protagonist is Rue Bennett (Zendaya), a teenage drug addict who just came out of rehab and now has to dive right back into high school drama. The show details her journey toward sobriety, and narrates how her own struggles get tangled with the lives of some of her schoolmates and other town friends. Namely – Jules (Hunter Schafer), Maddy (Alexa Demie), Nate (Jacob Elordi), Cassie (Sydney Sweeney), Kat (Barbie Ferreira), Lexi (Maude Apatow), and Fezco (Angus Cloud). As each character deals with their own dose of trauma, the series explores various types of struggles, such as addiction, sexuality, family drama, turbulent friendships, toxic love affairs… you name it! 

Here are my thoughts after watching Euphoria.

The good…

As I want to begin this article on a positive note, let me first go through all the things I enjoyed about Euphoria. 

For starters, fans of the show were right - the cinematography and the visual aspect are simply stunning. Featuring impressive camera movements, remarkable cinematic lighting and a gorgeous color palette, the show is the marvelous creation of the cinematographer Marcell Rév. Arguably so, he does a wonderful job with the visuals, especially when it comes to matching the series’ essence and intensity through the filmmaking techniques. Given that the show is based on ‘emotional realism’ (that is, realism centered around emotions), an objective and formal approach to its cinematography would not have been a nice fit. Whereas, the use of contrasting primary colors and whimsical lighting perfectly translate the story’s feel and atmosphere to the viewers. 

In fact, the visuals and aesthetics of Euphoria are definitely the best and most memorable elements of the show. From the perfectly coordinated soundtrack, to the lavish outfits and stunning makeup looks, the series is truly a feast for the eyes. And even here, ‘emotional realism’ plays an important part once again, since the clothes are actually there to further emphasize the characters’ emotions, as underlined by costume designer Heidi Bivens to Variety. 

The acting is also good, notably in season two if you ask me – Zendaya particularly shines in the last 8 episodes, delivering tear-jerking performances back to back, and showcasing the magnitude of her acting versatility. 

The bad…

And now, onto stuff that’s a bit more negative… and a lot more fun!

I won’t lie – I have several issues with Euphoria, but I think most of them ultimately come down to the writing of the show. Now, the baseline of the story is actually very promising and interesting, but its execution is where things begin to fall apart. Sam Levinson (creator, main director and sole writer) frequently appears to get lost in the world of his own creation, leaving a chaotic mess behind himself more often than not. 

First of all, the pace of the story is extremely uneven throughout the series. In certain episodes, it seems that a billion things are happening all at once, and all in the blink of an eye. Whereas other times, everything moves so excruciatingly slow it would put the sun to sleep. This imbalance is especially apparent in the second season, where it becomes agonizingly impossible to ignore. 

Speaking of which – season two is where shit actually hits the fan in more ways than one. Other than it having more plot holes than Swiss cheese, the way certain characters are treated in the latest season is puzzling to say the least. 

Some new protagonists appear completely out of the blue, whereas others (who previously played a core role in the plot) get completely tossed aside like discarded play toys. Kat is the most striking instance – in the first season, she had an interesting (albeit questionable) character arc, as she was exploring her sexuality and coming into her own as a plus-sized woman. In season two, this seems to be almost entirely forgotten, as she gets reduced to a side character with just a few brief scenes, all about her issues with self-worth and the impact of social media on her body image. Although this is a relevant and relatable topic to feature on a teen show, boiling down the only plus-sized character to the “girl who hates her body” trope just feels reductive at best. 

Very similar is Jules’ character arc in season two – over the first season and her two special solo episodes, we saw her embarking on a journey of self-discovery, navigating through femininity and the trials of adolescence as a transgender woman. But despite it being a significant and impactful storyline at first, this hardly gets addressed in season two. 

Season one felt chaotic but you could sense a pattern (albeit flimsy) in its chaos, whereas season two just feels messy and confused, almost like the writer was making stuff up on the go. If anything, the latest season is a true testament to the fact that Mr. Levinson desperately needs to establish a writers’ room, and have someone remind him what the hell is going on in his own show (since he clearly seems to easily forget).

Another unfortunate roadblock Euphoria has to face is the dialogue. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes the dialogue is okay (maybe even entertaining), but oftentimes it comes off as so awkward and unnatural, it makes me wonder whether Sam Levinson has ever had a conversation with another human being. 

And let’s not even discuss all the swearing. I mean, I don’t see the harm in a couple of cuss words here and there, but they appear so often in Euphoria they just seem forced and out of place. If I may quote a friend of mine, “A lot of the dialogue in the show gives ‘middle schoolers who just learned what curse words are, and now insert them in every possible sentence’ energy”, and I really couldn’t have said it better. It just seems like something straight out of a 12-year-old’s Wattpad novel (and that’s not a compliment).                                              

…and the ugly

And now, let’s address the elephant in the room – the blatant oversexualization of teenagers.

Euphoria is known for always flirting with the line between showing uncomfortable truths and romanticizing controversial behaviors, but sometimes they just completely cross it. For instance, the show is habit to depicting its characters – most of whom are high schoolers, i.e. literal children – while engaged in sexual activities, in an overly-graphic and explicit manner. And in all honesty, the fact that the actors are all at least 23 years old is of little consolation since, at the end of the day, the characters they are playing remain teenagers.

Yes, some teenagers have sex – that’s not the problem. The problem is the extent to which sex is shown throughout the series, and always in such choreographed and sensationalized ways. 

Not to mention, the oversexualization in Euphoria isn’t confined to the bedrooms – it’s in the way the characters act, dress, and present themselves. Particularly – the female characters, who dress as if they were 25-year-olds on their way to the club, and not 16-year-old kids going to second period. 

Moreover, we have the storyline in season one where Kat decides to launch her career as a cam girl, and creates a channel on a PornHub-esque website where she dominates and sexually degrades adult men. The narrative is portrayed as a turning point of sexual liberation for the character, but… is it? I think not, for there’s no such thing as ‘sexual liberation’ when it comes to children – that’s just grooming. 

And let’s not even get into how often the series depicts characters engaging in violent sexual activities, or how a major plot point of season one is Jules lying about her age to have sex with adult men… It’s just so unrevocably over the line, it cannot even see the line. To paraphrase Friends – the line is a dot to Euphoria. 

This only gets worse when you remember that the writer is a grown man… doesn’t that seem just a little disturbing? Perhaps I’m just a prude, but I think that no matter how you swing it, there’s something deeply sinister about an adult man sitting down and writing multiple explicit sex scenes with underage girls. 

The main issue here is that the graphic aspect of the sexualization is not essential to the advancement of the story in any way. One might argue that it’s there for provocation and shock-value, but I think any writer worth their salt would not need to retort to such an escamotage to make their story impactful. Good writing is all you need, but I guess no one gave the memo to Mr. Levinson. 

Is it worth a watch?

All in all, Euphoria is not the worst thing I have ever seen. It’s not amazing (that’s for sure), but I could stand to rewatch it if someone held a gun to my head. Is it worth a watch? That’s still up for debate, but there’s one thing I can tell you – if you don’t like it, watching it will not change your mind. Well, at least it didn’t change mine. 

On the other hand, I think watching it for myself was ultimately a good decision, as it allowed me to see why so many people love it, and made me realize why I do not. It’s a gorgeous production, with its intoxicating visuals and compelling aesthetics, and it doesn’t have an overly-complicated and hard-to-follow narrative. But once you look beyond its shiny exterior, all you will find are plot holes and moral ambiguity. 

That’s why Euphoria is perfectly titled in my opinion – once you come down from the first-impact sweet euphoric high with the gorgeous visuals, all that you’re left with is a numb, underwhelming and uncomfortable show that is bound to leave a sour aftertaste.