#like ?? why are you making something as simple as a list of ppl you dont want on your blog that inaccessible

[decolonize-the-everything]

Tumblr socio-political observation time

Identifying with fandoms and movements and brands to validate yourself has led to a society where your interests define you and your character instead of your character defining you and your interests and I think as a whole that's why performative activism is so rampant

(and likewise it's probably why people are so protective of the things that bring them a sense of self and why it's so important those things remain politically neutral and separate from politics but that's another post)

I dont necessarily think it's a Bad as in something that makes you evil but it is bad in that we now have a lot of people doing things in good faith that some are doing in bad faith and all these people are being painted the same because as a whole we arent critically engaging with ideas anymore

As a millennial I know am very much responsible for creating that climate. I think a lot of us grew up thinking that we could shame people into being "good" the same way that we were shamed growing up anytime we had an opinion that differed from our bigoted genx & boomer parents.

It manifested in a lot of ways but one of the prominent examples that most of us will remember is doxxing. Now I want to be clear that I never did this myself but doxxing, call out posts, block lists, etc were everywhere from I wanna say about 2007 to 2017 when I'd say it's status as a common social behavior started to be frowned upon and ineffective.

We were trying to hold people accountable with those actions.

I think that very much backfired. Bigots just got better at hiding and they learned to co-opt our language and mental health terms to gaslight us when we did call them out until those words became meaningless to use. It's simple to not appear bigoted now. Just don't share anything from known bigoted brands or companies and don't follow anyone problematic. Easy.

Cuz those define you and your character, right? Isn't that why y'all still put "supports x" as reasons for your own call-out posts? That's what validates or voids your good person card. At least, thats what everyone made it seem like a decade ago.

The millennial failure was how superficial it all was. We weren't dismantling anything. We were shaming support of x, y, & z as a way of shaming bigots and racist comments and calling them out, but we weren't actually learning to recognize or dismantle racism itself and that's how 10+ years later most of us are watching our kids deal with the same shit we did except now they're also struggling with critical thinking skills inside and outside the classroom.

I think a lot of millennials mixed up righteous anger with doing what's right. Thinking that because we were angry about bigotry and taking it out on bigots that meant we couldn't be bigots. I mean everyone is a little bigoted but not like Bigots™ are bigots, you know?

And then we refused to put ourselves under that microscope or think about that any further. We stopped thinking about a lot of things, I think. We started accepting that we would be told what was okay to believe in or say and I think a LOT of millennials esp white millenials still wait for someone else, especially a Black person to speak on something so they can see the "right" side they're supposed to take.

Someone please learn something from this. This is still very much racist and avoiding the issue is still very much enabling white supremacy.

It will only go away if it's directly addressed.

•••

So I'd like to submit a formal request to bring back one good thing from back then. White responsibility for white supremacy.

Some of us may remember some posts that said if anyone should be responsible for engaging with white supremacists and helping them break down their beliefs it'd be white ppl ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ that its dangerous work for anyone else to do (for obvious reasons) and besides that white supremacists won't listen to anyone else. And allies did.

Bring that back.

The defensive white retaliation to this idea is seen on any mutual aid post in comments like "fuck your emotional labor, I don't owe you anything" or "idgaf if youre black/disabled/gay/whatever I don't owe you shit." So for the people getting ready to type something similar in my notes: This is a white supremacist defense mechanism that reinforces BIPOC isolation through individualism without seeming malicious on the surface. We all owe each other something tho; it's how a community operates and how humanity has survived for so long. Don't fall for this line of thinking and don't bring that nonsense to me.

White supremacy won't go away on its own and white supremacists sure as hell won't go away by letting them fester behind block lists until they're old enough to run for senator so if you can handle this task then respectfully, do it.

"but white supremacists are a waste of time to talk to" yeah for those of us who they'd rather see dead.

The labor and time it takes to make a white supremacist see you as a human who says words worth listening to so that you can then have a good faith conversation about politics is not WORTH the effort and risk to safety for the people who they hate. Especially not if we're doing it and getting death threats 9x out of 10 or they just wanted us to waste our time and exhaust us out of being effective

So if you are not included in the list of people that white supremacists want dead then it is worth your time and in fact is arguably one of the most productive ways to spend your time.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

[fluffbeast7]

Ruin dlc spoilers + big analysis of sun, there might be a few english mistakes, sorry

Just me thinking about sun's perspective on both games (dlc one is extremely interesting)

Sun is anything but a baby, sun is anything but weak, and of course neither is moon. I know many people stopped calling him a baby after a while but i saw some ppl saying similar things in the dlc when he sang and cried, that's just seems a little unfair!

Sun is extremely smart, while moon is.. "sick" (i will just call it that, we have proof that despite moon’s past he was a good care taker, he messed up sometimes but something made him worse), sun has:

In the first game:

- knew moon was unstable

- if he didn't want to turn off the lights so bad, there must have been a reason why

- moon used to be his partner in their old job at the theater, they played the act together , i don't think he's means to do anything to hurt moon.. But he also can't risk anyone else getting hurt by moon.

- "why did sun ban Gregory" simple answer my love, i will respond with an analogy, let's remember sun seems unaware of the situation in the pizzaplex,

Imagine you're going out with your kids, imagine going to a store with glass decorations, then you ask you kid "do not break the glass". When you enter, not even a second later the kid distracts you and break a bunch of glasses. Would you let that kid be near glass again?

In the dlc:

- sun is painfully aware of what's going on and is afraid. It's on the dlc that we prove how intelligent sun is even if he's broken down

- a few players pointed out that it was easy to find the generators and easier to navigate the daycare, hmm, i wonder who could have caused that?

- sun planned everything to get him and moon "fixed". not sure how responsible he is for the damage in the daycare, but he clearly made a pathway for the generators to be found. Its mostly linear, it has papers with directions and he stuffed other the other tunnels the player shouldn't go in with toys and junk

- then you ask "if he wanted to make it easy, why didn't he put the generators at the same place next to each other?"

- easy, HE CAN'T. he's STUCK in the AR world while moon is stuck in the physical world. he can't pick up the generators in the ar world, so he had to build a path for the generators in the ar world, even placing the lights in a singular space on purpose, he's doing literally everything he can to save himself and moon from this hell, he somehow knew someone would come in again

- in my theory, maybe he thought Gregory would come back. He seems unaffected by whatever is making the animatronics run for Gregory, but like Roxanne who thought Gregory was still hiding somewhere, he too hoped for that kid to return and save him

- he instead encounters a "NEW FRIEND!", or maybe not as new, im pretty sure sun knows who cassie is. She was one of the kids he looked after, therefore another reason eclipse wished her happy bday, they remembered

- he misses moon, he misses moon so much, the tea party set...

- yes he sings and cries SO WHAT? I would cry everyday if i was on his position, give him a break! Man has been through the sudden cancelation of his job and his life in ruin, and he was the only one working to get it fixed! Moon was too sick, no human to work with.

- tho i wonder why he made a bed in his room? He keeps the room really really tidy this time? Why isn't this the case in the first game? For those who dont know what im talking about, sun and moon's room is still a mess in the physical world (what the heck moon 🤨 lmao) but in the ar world, its very very clean, he even has a groceries list written "butter, butter, butter" lmfao.

-in his room there's a lil bed out of pillows...? For them?

-there is ONE thing i dont understand. How does the ar world work with sun? Does he have to let moon do what he wants or can he have any say on what they do? Can they talk with each other? Im guessing they have horrible communication skills but they have to communicate somehow (because of their old job in the theater)

[a-real-ghost]

nobody cares about your racism sob story tbh. just leave black people alone we dont want or need you. if its SOOO hard for you to stop being racist then just leave. like are you expecting us to feel sorry for you or something? what possibly could you offer us thats any of use, really. If you're struggling to do the bare minimum why do you expect black ppl to pat you on the back? cracker.

Okay so -

I didn't say that people made me "go back to being racist" - what was meant by my words was:

When I was starting to work towards becoming better and just beginning to realize that being a racist is a shitty thing, people being hyper-literal with what I said and assuming malice instantly made that process harder. You can't learn if you can't make mistakes.

I am not going to "become a racist again" no more than I am going to become a baby again. It was a part of my life, I outgrew it. I'm not going to start shitting my pants again just because somebody was unkind on the internet.

(The metaphor is obviously imperfect, because I am actively still unlearning harmful behaviors and patterns in my life - not going to try and pretend otherwise)

Now, I could have phrased that better initially. And given that my post was in response to a person acting in bad faith, I should have. I don't particularly care if people like me or find me agreeable but I won't have people misrepresenting me or my beliefs. If you're going to hate me, hate me for who I am - don't take the easy way out and make shit up.

I appreciate your comment, and will do my best to be more clear about my stances in the future.

That being said, to be as blunt as possible about things:

Racism is bad. Racists are bad.

Cops are bad.

Cops uphold the white supremacist standard in this country and serve at the whims of the wealthy and powerful to silence dissension.

Nazis are bad. Fascists are bad.

Racism is Violence.

Destruction of property during protests is not violence.

Assaulting protestors is violence.

Nazis, Facists, and white supremacists committ violence by existing - any violence against them is self defense and justified.

All humans are capable of change and growth if they choose to do so.

If someone chooses to harm others, they deserve to be harmed in return.

Encouraging suicide is bad and cowardly - if you want to send a death threat just send a death threat

Assuming people's intentions is bad.

Reading in between the lines to make yourself a victim is bad.

Intentionally misinterpreting someone is bad.

Ignorance is not inherently malicious.

Just because somebody is mean, rude, stupid, or impolite does not inherently mean they are being racist.

If people have to be perfect and address every aspect of a topic completely and without flaw in order to be an ally to whichever cause/group/creed - nobody is ever going to fit that definition.

If you criticize people who try to answer things with nuance and precision for writing too much, and at the same time you criticize them for being occasionally imprecise or not mentioning things - you are a hypocrite.

If you define anybody who is not a perfect ally as an enemy, you are wasting your energy that could be spent helping people or going after the folks actually responsible.

Not all of the things I have listed are bad to the same extent - the world is not as simple as "this is all good" and "that is all bad". Nothing exists on a binary, it's more complicated than that.

Not all of the things I have listed are a response to anything you have said.

Do not assume anything about me that I have not explictly stated.

If I make a mistake, I am happy to do the work to learn, grow, and do better in the future - but I cannot learn from a mistake I am not aware of.

If I ask a question about a mistake that I made, I am not attempting to justify what I did. I am trying to learn what I did wrong, how it was wrong, and how to do better.

Nobody is obligated to tell anyone that what they did wrong, how it was wrong, or how to do better.

People of all races, nationalities, sexualities, political orientations, etc, are capable of being wrong, making mistakes, and hurting people.

[rottingsparrow]

Part 4! Of rereading Lore Olympus. Ep 31-40

Gotta be real I keep forgetting to post these even tho I'm reading them but it's fine. Obviously I won't finish before the end of the 2 week break (this Saturday) but after this I may start reviewing episodes as they come out, who knows. Last part:

Ep 31

Theres so many other reasons you shouldnt work together but ok

Also shes literally so smart right like thats canon

Artemis is cool hera,,,sometimes

Which two sons i wish i knew the lo family tree as opposed to the real one yknow

How do heras powers work she felt her pain but doesnt know who??

I would kill for a comprehensive list of family tree and powers, dont even have to spoil powers just please i get so confused

Ep 32

Train ur fuckin dogs hades i think ive said that before

He changed skin color again but like not just light vs dark thats a whole diff shade of blue

Hehe threaten low class workers so cute and quirky hades

Why is uh psyche/whatever her nymph name is wearing more traditional clothes while not in the mortal realm

Love the dog

Hades has a point, even tho it makes no sense for him to have said that

Ok also point out in the like future episode he wants persephone to call him Aidoneus but doesnt like when others do it why

Thats my same thing with him calling her Kore like i know in the future its like explained or whatever but idk

Aphrodite has a point it was a favor in a way

A dumb way but yknow

I remember everyone losing it over the “im only interested in the dead ones” panel but looking at it its so lame LMAO changed his entire face shape for a panel

Ep 33

HECATE HECATE WOOOO

Im but a simple man

Hades texts like an old man i know he is one but

Also i am dying to know how his business works including as the god of the underworld like. Give me something

Then again, maybe i am a lil dumb when it comes to this

I always thought he was giving the little elevator friend a sugarcube lmao

I like how minthes ears react to her emotions

Stop fighting at work omg this would be the worst place to work at

“Hey can u do ur job”

Ep 34

Why this subplot ugh

The crown floats yet is sideways after she hits him

Also haha hitting

Also their relationship does confuse me just a tad bit yknow

All the clues were there hades you dumbass

“Cancel all my meetings” DO YOUR JOB

“This doesnt affect you in the same way” cause hes a man or a king or both but also kings seemed to get treated the same by their subjects until they are dicks and excute their power

From what ive seen

Then again we havent seen poseidon do that but that brings me to the point of I wanna see poseidon realm

thats . so creepy hades ew

“Smth must be done about this” like fair legal action right?....right?

Who reads newspapers these days anyways wait a second

Ep 35

See the laptop having news makes more sense like sure we make newspapers but ppl dont use em as often

“Biochemistry Theory” fun fact I switched majors to specifically avoid taking chemistry

What are they typing he just started speaking

What type of nymph is thetis bc i know minthe is a river nymph but thetis has fancy ears

They are so mean to each other lmao

The financial situation and the fact that they both are like sleeping with the kings confuse me why do both of them do it.

Like retrospectively i understand it but when i first read it i was like “are nymphs supposed to be like hookers??” so i was lost for a bit

“Hades micromanages computer usage” oh what a shit boss

Also the meal ticket she has a job sure hades gave it to her but

Idk maybe im slow

What an awful way to do a heart shape i just tried it wtf

“Crying is for wives” damn

Yes body issues that dont get brought up again right? Like she all of a sudden gets bigger boobs and i dont think hades pays ppl enough for cosmetic surgery

You guys know this is a work setting

Has rachel ever had a job bc this feels like a comical trope seen on tv the workplace drama yknow

LMAO IN THE LAST PANEL RACHEL FORGOT TO GIVE HER NYMPH EARS

Like fully normal ears i know its a mistake but its funny

Ep 36

“Not my circus not my monkeys” queen

Hades is it not your circus how dont involve hecate in this

“Stop starin at me with them big ol eyes”

Oof that does not look good on you, i mean why didnt you give her the coat

“I thought you didnt get jealous” ok she may have said that but literally everything about her contradicts that

And i love this part bc he doesnt call her crazy and they talk, i mean he hides some of the truth which like fuck him, and then they try to talk about the party and

Ugh i know minthe is supposed to be an antagonist but rachel does this weird thing where she tries to flesh her out, then realizes it would be an easy set up for a redemption arc and screws her over again

I know the ppl in the mortal realm are generally frightened of hades but why are ppl in olympus

“I wouldnt expect anything less from a goddess” so we are going to bring in the racism/speciesism that occurs in this story right

Its the middle of the day isnt he supposed to be in the mortal realm moving the sun or some shit

Ep 37

“Last night” Rachel its ok to space things out sweetie

Ok ok so one thing i hate about her characterization of apollo is he goes from being delusional to knowing what he did was at least slightly wrong and i hate both are fine stories but pick one he either is so infatuated with persephone that he thinks that they had a great time or he wants her for her power

And! A transition from one to the other would be fine, but she goes back in forth in his characterization

Little red vines look cool

Hehe cerberus

How did he escape tho

I love that dog

Ep 38

Oh its the greenhouse again

But this time it represents the evil feeling?

Idk but i like eye symbolism im lame lol

Why was she sleeping in the chair

When did she get those clothes i dunno if eros would buy her business casual

Artemis really sees all the signs and then goes “meh”

Like points out the possible crush on persephone just connect the dots they are so close

Why is there not more than one door

Why is no one getting off

How does rachel think train stops work

Ep 39

Also not thatanos with an undercut lmao

Ope its thanatos i mixed it up

Also minthe you just actively arent doing a good job like lmao how are you not getting fired

Hades smoking a cigar is so old and gross tbh

What an awful boss

That man has a point dont stand infront of the door

She gave her a little flower nice

Minthe i know ur being spiteful, weird bc hades explained shes just the daughter of a friend( i know its a lie but still) but just do your job

“It says restricted access but that lady says it was fine” i would just wait until someone came out theres no reason to go inside

Ep 40

Why would they not have a lock on this place actually

Why wouldnt she just leave the way she came

When did hades put on his glasses

How is it hades fault what

So many questions yknow for such a short episode

Also does this place not have security cameras in places that are tartarus

[the-redeemed-anon]

Another day another post including c!Wilbur in big bad manipulators list with c!Dream and c!Quackity and i go "huh, is he tho?"

Like genuienly i would want to know, bc to me at least all like c!Wilburs "attempts at manipulation" were like.. blandly obvious and not that well executed?

Not enough to secure him the position of a Big Bad Manipulator Who had an Overarching Big Plan Before This Specific Interaction and Knows What He's Doing.

Bc most ppl who call Wilbur a manipulator point to this quote here

“Tommy, literally have you not noticed? Everyone who’s claiming to be on our side, they’re lying to us! Tubbo?! He’s lying to you man! He would drop us at the second he realises we’re not in the lead anymore!”

But like... this is like clearly c!Wilbur having a paranoid breakdown and unloading all the stress fear and worries that got progressively worse during pogtopia to c!Tommy. c!Tommy def didn't have tools to handle that and like shoudnt be expexted to but its not manipulative?? Of c!Wilbur?? At all??

Like the only two instances that i remember that like can be called manipulative is maybe this??

“It’s nothing, it’s nothing important. I just wanted to say that- I think you can come back from what you’ve said, you know. I’m just saying now, there is a chance that you could be President, you know, you could be- you could definitely get an executive power in the remains of L’Manberg. You could definitely be a leader of that, I have no issue with that. But, you need to understand that you’re gonna have to get on my good side, and I, you know.”

And the recent stone collection thing with c!tommy?

Im asking bc i can be blantly missing something but? I dont think i am?

- Music Anon!

Music Anon, you're back with another interesting topic!

Okay so I may have another perspective than most on the "Then let's be the bad guys" scene because, as I've said before, I have paranoid thoughts, so, for me, it's much much easier to put myself in Wilbur's shoes in that moment.

So, as far as I remember in Pogtopia, I would coin Wilbur's behaviour as persuasive. He was trying to persuade Tommy to his side, something that Tommy was free to ignore and not accept. Manipulation and persuasion are very tricky to tell apart, because it's two things that are very similar, and you can't tell them apart that easily. You know how all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares? Same thing here. All manipulation is persuasive, but not all persuasion is manipulative. There is a fine line between the two.

I googled it before I wanted to respond to this ask, but from what I gathered, you can tell persuasion from manipulation by these factors: coercion, withholding of truth and intention.

I want to compare Wilbur's case with our most blatant example of manipulation, Dream. Especially since it's centered on the same character, Tommy:

Coercion. The Dictionary defines the term "coercion" as "the use of force to persuade someone to do something that they are unwilling to do". I do not remember any moment in Pogtopia where Tommy was forced to act against what he wanted to do. The way he spoke to Tommy was always open to Tommy rejecting his ideas, which happened quite a lot. It's another thing if later, Tommy, of his own volition, agreed to what Wilbur wanted, like blowing up Manberg at the Festival.

Dream, on the other hand, we see it a lot in Exile. The threats to Tommy's life. The hitting. He was forcing Tommy to stay in Logsted and give up his gear. That's one box ticked for Dream, zero for Wilbur so far.

Withholding of truth. Here I am as stumped as you are. I want someone, who thinks that the "Then let's be the bad guys" scene is manipulative, to tell me where Wilbur is withholding the truth. The President line? this one? [“Tommyinnit, you’re scared that people are gonna think differently of you. Tommy, when I said you’re never gonna be president, you gotta understand, that wasn’t a challenge, that’s true. You’re never gonna be president, Tommy. And I can hear it in your voice, you’re trying sound like you know what you’re doing, so that you can prove me wrong. Tommy, none of us know what we’re doing. We’re fucked, we were fucked the minute we were thrown out.” - (Wilbur’s video Am I the Villain?: 19:39)] or these? [“That guy Tubbo? You know? We love Tubbo… but he’s not on our side, is he? Let’s be honest. We act like he is, like, everyone’s always how like, oh it’s crazy how everyone’s against Schlatt.” - (Wilbur’s who are you go away: 1:12:57, 8th Oct)], [“Everyone’s always saying how like, oh it’s crazy how everyone’s against Schlatt. No one’s against Schlatt. Everyone’s pulling the biggest ruse on us. Literally, they’ve got us all by the fucking scruff of our necks.” - (Wilbur’s video Am I the Villain?: 17:59)], [“Tubbo’s like, ‘I’ll be your spy!’. And then we’ve got like Fundy who’s like saying to everyone’s twitch chats that he’s gonna revolt against us. And you’ve got Eret giving us fucking potatoes, that say fucking ‘I’m gonna be friends with you’. It’s bullshit! It’s all bullshit!” - (Wilbur’s video Am I the Villain?: 18:09)] Honestly someone tell me where Wilbur is withholding the truth here. I do not see it. He's just stating his opinion. I am someone who was around in Season 1, I watched Wilbur's POV only and I swear I thought too that Tubbo was a double agent for Manberg. I was sure of it. This is just Wilbur laying out his reasons to be paranoid and things he considers as true and his own opinions on matters. Opinions are not lies or truths. Telling Tommy that he will never be President, in his opinion, isn't a lie or the truth. It's just an opinion.

Meanwhile over in Dream's camp... Dream did withhold the truth. He lied about Tubbo's Compass, he lied about the Invitations, all of this he did to get Tommy to his lowest, to make him think that he is his only friend. This is the second box ticked for Dream, still none for Wilbur.

Intention. Here I need to talk about what paranoia is. Paranoia, to me, is a way of thinking fueled by fear. Wilbur's paranoia started because of the Final Control Room. Eret's betrayal deeply affected him, we can see it in quotes like this: [“Anyone caught in the crossfire is caught in the crossfire. That’s how it goes, you know? Eret especially, he is the most clear, the most clear cut traitor of them all. He was a traitor from the very get go. I have no, I have no remorse offing Eret.” - (Wilbur’s who are you go away: 1:41:22, 8th Oct)] Wilbur's paranoia started from a betrayal, therefore, Wilbur's paranoia is centered on people backstabbing him. Of course he would start spiraling into a rant about how everyone is out to get him. Especially after believing his own son betrayed him. So, why tell that to Tommy? Simple, really. I personally do it, too: he was reaching out for support. When I have doubt about my train of thought, I go to someone I trust, and they help me by walking me through it, to figure out if my thinking was rational or if it was paranoia. I think this is what he was trying to do with Tommy, because he trusted Tommy, but also it was an attempt of keeping him safe. I have talked before in my Eight analysis that Wilbur is a naturally protective person. I think Wilbur was attempting in part to shield Tommy from another shock from betrayal, attempt which didn't get across to Tommy. Tommy was and is a teenager and even back then he had his own worries. He just didn't have the resources to help Wilbur, or even understand what he was going through, and he can't be blamed, and while the scene may have been scary for him, I do not think Wilbur had malicious intent with it.

Meanwhile, Dream had malicious intent. He did what he did in an attempt to isolate Tommy, to make him feel alone, so he could swoop in and mold him into thinking he was his friend. This ticks off the last box, Dream was manipulating Tommy, while Wilbur was trying to be persuasive.

While I agree that Wilbur is dipping into manipulative territory with the stone bit, I would say that doesn't make him stand in the line-up of manipulators alongside Dream or Quackity. I do agree however that he is a big persuader and his power lies in how he uses words to convince others to agree with him and join him on a cause (as discussed above, this is not necessarily manipulation). I hope this analysis helped out!

As always, the quotes are from @kateis-cakeis' masterlist of Ghostbur/Wilbur quotes. It’s a goldmine of a resource for analyzing Wilbur and I highly encourage you to check it out.

[actualbird]

Opening Line Tag Game :DDD

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

was tagged by @dont-offend-the-bees!! thanks for the tag, newt!!!! ur dghda fics holds a special place in my heart even though ive sailed away to fandoms afar.

well, here’s the first lines of the past 20 fanfics i posted onto my ao3, starting from most recent going back!!

When he gets home, Signora is leaning against the door of his apartment. (something like a death wish, Genshin Impact)

It’s a somber affair, when it’s time for Azhdaha to fade away. (it's a hard rock life for us, Genshin Impact)

Azhdaha is born into a world of darkness. (you give me miles and miles of mountains, Genshin Impact)

It starts with one of Jean’s many romance novels. (what's inside? that's causing this malfunction, Genshin Impact)

Ajax didn’t think about it much, before. (i forget the difference between seduction and arson, ignition and cognition, Genshin Impact)

The ceremony is a small affair. (if it was important, we would have remembered, Genshin Impact)

He wakes up alone, shaking and bathed in darkness. (our endless and impossible journey toward home is in fact our home, Genshin Impact)

Kaeya doesn’t have baby pictures— what with the whole abandoned by his birth father at the ripe age of six at the doorstep of a winery tycoon shebang—but ever since he did get adopted, Crepus Ragnvindr took basically a million pictures of his two boys through every single year of their life. (angry react, Genshin Impact)

How strangely time passes; sometimes it soars like a feathered sliver in the sky, hopeful and free. (it's time to leave and turn to dust, Genshin Impact)

Thankfully, Charles is the one manning the bar when Kaeya gets to the Angel’s Share tavern. (ain't i the best you had?, Genshin Impact)

Life as a Fatui grunt isn’t as fabulous as the Snezhnayan rumor mill makes it out to be. (we don't even have dental..., Genshin Impact)

Here’s the thing: Childe’s career was going fucking great. (put your hands on me, Genshin Impact)

In the beginning, there was a land that was left by the gods to rot. (take this cup away from me, Genshin Impact)

Childe is in a domain hunting down intel when things go a bit fun. (taste of poison paradise, Genshin Impact)

Everybody in Pelican Town knows of the new resident, but knowing anything substantial about him is something else altogether. (a fullered blade and a scalpel, Stardew Valley)

Ronnie’s known for quite a while that Harvey is, well...endowed. (baby, you got lucky cause you're rocking with the best, Stardew Valley)

Ronnie has always been different from other people. (legend has it that the moss grows on the north side of the trees, Stardew Valley)

Spring comes, as it always does. (that's what seasons do, Stardew Valley)

The universe lurches. (just enjoy the show, Polygon Cyberpunk Red)

It comes in stages, not all at once. (not quite 20/20 vision, Hades)

can you believe these past 20 fics were ALL posted this year???? I WROTE 20 FANFICS IN 5 MONTHS....ON GODS THIS PANDEMIC HAS GOTTA END, SKJDFHKJSDF.

anyway //steeples hands. some patterns ive noticed as i put this list together

i almost always use the first sentence to establish either setting or premise. i guess i do this because, personally, when i enter a scene, the first thing i want to know is what im supposed to be physically experiencing or what im supposed to be emotionally focused on, if that makes sense? i need to Know!!!!! which means that my first lines honestly, in my opinion, are a bit boring akjfkbjfkjbfd. i gotta set down the bedrock or else everything else will be wobbly!!! i write my fics like i construct a fuckin jenga tower, i swear akjfbakjsf

something i do keep in mind with all my first lines is the very simple yet integral rule: a sentence’s purpose is to do what it needs to do, but also to make the reader want to read the next sentence. this, i guess, is why nearly all of my first lines feel like a cliffhanger. thats on purpose because what i want to do with my first line is get u to keep reading. in a sense, my first lines are working triple time. they 1) do whatever it is they need to do for the story, 2) establish setting/premise, and 3) push you onwards to the next sentence like a baby sea turtle waddling to the ocean.

related to “triple time” but that was something i learned from a brutal fiction professor who was wonderful and intelligent! but also made me shift out of the fiction track in college HAHA. his basic belief was that sentences cant just be doing One Thing. you’re going waste a lot of time and a lot of words and lose your reader, if you go at things like that. sentences have to multitask. i am very aware of this with opening lines...

and last but not least, all these opening lines undoubtedly suck on their own HAHKJBKDFJDJF

i....dont think i have a favorite opening line of all of the ones i listed tbh. like i said, all my opening lines, on their own, dont exactly Wow, so im lukewarm about all these haha. i think....this is indicative of me having to step up my opening line game......

//jazz hands. anyway theres that! and as for ppl to tag, i am notoriously shy when it comes to writer tag games, but im breaking my shyness to tag @listentotheshityousay and @theinternationalacestation . 

no need to do it if u dont wanna, friends!!! jus know i adore yalls’ writing so very very much

[daddy-ul]

I was tagged by @62kh a couple of days ago but of course I'm doing it only now sjdjdjdjdj

1. why did you choose your url?

BACKSTORY TIME, DUDERS.

2. any side blogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

This is my sideblog fjdshfjhdf I had another one but i deleted it bc I couldnt even remeber why I created it.

And I have this sideblog so I can put my obsession for metallica in one single place and leave my main as a mixed bag of fandoms and stuff.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

Uhhhhh, since 2013, I think?

4. do you have a queue tag?

Nope and honest to god I didnt even know what a queue was till last year dhfjhsfjks like, i saw these recurring tags that people had with the word queue in it but I never understood what that was about. Yes, I am a genius.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

BACKSTORY TIME, PT 2

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

At first I wanted to emulate the ‘daddy ul’ portrait buuut the pic was too small, so no. I still wanted to recreate it somehow, so I needed a younger Lars pic. Aaaand I love scrunchie faces, so I picked this one!

7. why did you choose your header?

THE IRONY! Also I wanted a “contemporary” pic, bc I find the idea of living in the past kinda boring. I love metallica now as they are, I am a fan now. So here, let me show that! (before this one, I used the one where they are failing to hug on stage, struggling and laughing)

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

No idea, gotta check, but I am PRAYING for it not to be the one with the official tallica dad shirt merchandise.

Okay, I dont know where to check but i think is the mulletallica interview.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

... what’s with the numbers questions? How can someone know that? Should I go on my follow list and count? too lazy for that, sorry fhdjfhsjfj

let’s say I have enough of them.

10. how many followers do you have?

Okay, now that’s a number question that I know how to answer easily: 300+

11. how many people do you follow?

Another number question? Are you Lars?

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

That I did, but i prefer rb other’s shitposts bc this fandom is PEAK shitposting. I love you all, please keep it up.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

No, really what’s with the numbers questions? You are not Lars, you are the one writing the emails to Lars before the Metallica Mondays!!

(I honestly have no idea and it varies on how busy I am that day? like a normal person?)

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

the idea only of that happening is making me tired fdjskfkjsfhs so no, please.

One should be only fight for fun! With your fists! Possibly in a dojo!

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

It triggers my “YOU TELLING ME TO DO SOMETHING???? GUESS WHAT, DUDER” and i skip the entire post fhjsdkhfjsdfhk

16. do you like tag games?

yep!!! bc I love to read other ppl answers and it’s fun! it’s mindless! it busies you when you are bored! I am bad at them, tho, bc i forgot to do them myself most of the time.

17. do you like ask games?

Also yepp! or i wouldn’t rb them. but I know sometimes they are too much, so i limit it to 1-2 every once in a while bc all the answers to the asks can clutter others’ dashboard.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I’m gonna take this as a sarcastic question bc what does it even mean? fdksjfjsf

so, yes! they are all famous...ly nice and funny people! I truly didn’t expect a fandom so chill and cozy when I started the blog. I know that is v small but I enjoy it bc I like to recognize urls and ‘style’ of posting and not being drown in content.

.... but I’m digressing, as usual.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

URGGG sarcastically thank you for this question bc I read it, and bc my answer would have been obviously “no” and I am not made to be simple, I start thinking abt possible puns with the word “crush” and my brain, scrambling for something, unearthed AWFUL lyrics from an okay song. So thanks!, now I have an earworm that keeps singing melodramatically ‘you are a car crash... and i cant look away”.

Catch me groaning and begging my brain to stop ✨✨

20. tags?

the usual suspects! duders, sorry if you were already tagged! @newsteds, @the-mighty-het-speaks, @breadfan, @cxrgans, @mewstashio @andiftheycare

[bananaaaasay]

😊😊 Okay, one, just want to say I think you’re literally so wonderful!! Two, for the positivity asks, let’s hear what you have to say about number 7! 💜 It can be as simple or as cheesy as you’d like, but to make it harder, tell me why!!! (tag aclosestfan plz!)

first of all thank you for the ask this has been sitting in my inbox for months im so sorry

ahh oml okay so, @aclosetfan, heres number 7

"what never fails to put a smile on your face?"

so im just gonna list them down;

im not a kpop fan, but theres just something about seventeen's DK (dokyeom) that puts a smile on my face he's literally an angel and his smile is so pretty

whenever i look at my finished notes and my handwriting is consistent through out, it just gives me a rush of pride idk

whenever my hardwork gets recognition, not necessarily like, a reward or smth, just like a word of recognition makes my heart sore isksksj

actually, ive been doing MUN for a year now, and my most recent position paper had been recognized as one of the best written this year and the uni sponsored me to join LIMUN as one of their delegates, so that made me feel rly happy

my name is very weird, and while i dont feel very comfortable sharing it, i love the diff nicknames my friends gave me, and all of them are teasing except for one 'nana' which i feel like is probably the ONLY cute nickname i have😭 it just makes me so happy when they call me with it

it makes me so HAPPY when ppl wanna hear my opinion on something i know/im passionate about

okay so, english is not my first lang, but im kind of better at speaking and writing w it than my mother language, so whenever i write something in my mother language and it impresses people, i get this HUGGEEE sense of pride like ive accomplished smth huge😭

i love when i tick things off of my to do lists it makes me feel very satisfied

i lovee watching/reading crime/mystery shows and books

watching going seventeen is the main reason i keep smiling these days theyre literally so funny its unreal

okay im gonna stop here bc its getting rly cringey-

[mudanonaito]

hey! get to know your mutuals!! when you get this, it means someone wants to know more about you, so list 5 things about yourself you want your followers to know. they can be as simple as your age or as complex as your deepest fear, as long as it’s something you’re comfortable with sharing. when you’re done, send this to 10 people you want to get to know better!

ahh thank you so much for sending this!!! but i suck at doing these stuff heh

1. i drink tea almost everyday, not really bc i like the taste but mainly bc it makes me think im being healthy LOL

2. my fav color is sky blue

3. my whole playlist on my phone is just kpop and jpop, but nowadays i mainly see myself always looking for more jpop to listen to 

4. sometimes i can finish a 12 ep anime in 2 days and then other times i finish a 12 ep anime in 6 months there is no in between lolol i always see myself starting a new series or rewatching something

5. i guess im quiet in general, and ppl always tell me why im so quiet in person too but im really not i just dont have much to say but when i do i dont shut up or maybe im just plotting something ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[kinkymagnus]

Twi YouTube AU?? 👀

dlgjk ok i dont have a coherent au idea i just like the idea of like. 

alec being this confident youtuber man who does all sorts of shit, like funny vlogs and maybe some sketches with his siblings or some lets plays or something, idk, he’s just a popular youtuber like, idk, fuckin markiplier or something, you know, kinda does a lot of stuff. maybe some fashion/interior design shit? idk? but like. he’s pretty popular and if there’s any list on tumblr that’s like “some queer creators you should try watching” he’s always up there because he’s pretty open about being gay. maybe at first he wasn’t in the earlier youtube days but he had a pretty emotional coming out video and everyone was like “holy shit” 

meanwhile magnus is like, a quietly popular youtuber, you know? kind of a niche audience, but with decent numbers. he does a lot of things, like vlogs about being trans. like, oh my god. magnus documenting his transition? would that even be a thing? wait oh my god is this mundane au, or is this canon? because twi magnus who’s actually a warlock with a youtube channel would be hilarious but maybe not a good idea. you know what? how about a mix. he’s mortal and was born in modern times and all, he’s like the same age as alec–idk why but i’m thinking he’s like a few weeks older or a month or two older than alec and alec jokingly teases him about being old–but he like…. still has magic, because why the fuck not. actually, you know what? fuck it? it’s an au where magic is just openly a thing. not even necessarily canonverse magic, just. some people have magic. magnus does little tutorials and shit, he has a real talent for it and he’s actually really powerful but he hides that. (possible plotline: some paparazzi discover he’s like, a level ten mage, and it’s a scale from 1-10 and 8 is the most powerful u get most of the time, there’s been a few really famous 9s and there’s been one 10 ever and that was fucking merlin. you feel. because why not. idek fuck.) anyway he has little diy make your own magical charms and weaving enchantment and safe summoning circles and tips for writing magical contracts and shit like that. he’s this cute little nerd but he’s like incredibly knowledgeable and he knows how to teach it in a way that’s understandable and accessible? and he answers questions in really clear ways, and he does amazing demonstrations that look so cool people accuse him of editing but he’s just That Good. and he’s like, actually a really well-published wizard/magic scientist, he invented the fucking portal, but probably under a pseudonym because he doesn’t really want the attention. (his last name is fell in honor of his mentor. yes. although if he does multiple ones he may or may not also use loss, santiago, rollins, etc.) anyway he’s just so fucking good, he has all these videos explaining magical theory in pretty easy to understand ways (maybe going from really simple to like “i understand the basics here and am ready for the technical terms but need an overview” videos you know. 

also he doesn’t just do magic videos, because i said so. also maybe some blogs, and like. because i want to. some fashion/makeup tips. and it’s weirdly endearing because it’s not something you’d expect since he doesn’t wear makeup that often–although a) there are def gifsets of his full makeup looks on tumblr, and b) when he does occasionally decide to wear lipstick or eyeshadow or whatever, most of his fans are like omg yes!! u look cute! also headcanon: twi magnus wears less makeup in general but he still indulges in nail polish. mostly dark/muted colors on his fingers, but bright silly colors on his toes. NAYWAYWYA

also magnus bane is his chosen name because he wanted something cool and wizardy sounding and undeniably masculine. 

also he’s so fucking sweet like look his videos are pretty popular because they’re just handy but he’s not exactly like, a super popular celebrity or anything, you know? but when he does meet fans he’s so incredibly sweet and he does selfies and he’s very appreciative of his followers? he’s so genuine? 

and alec is way more popular–not that he’s not kind and appreciative of his followers. it’s just the thing is, magnus and alec are totally opposite sides of youtube. alec is friendly charismatic completely non-magical youtuber, he plays video games with his sister and like, does vlogs and reaction videos and shit you know. magnus is out here with educational tutorials and excited rambles about magical theory. (i feel like sometimes he accidentally starts doing groundbreaking research for a video and forgets to like, publish it first, and people are like wait what the fuck holy shit) 

but then they fucking meet. 

and a) they’re Instantly smitten. b) this will eventually result in the weirdest collab ever. 

like NO ONE would expect magnus bane, tarot reader and tutorial on magic diy and shit, occasionally does makeup videos and little vlogs and talks about Issues sometimes, to collab with typical hot vlogger gamer man alec lightwood. but it happens, and somehow it’s the best fucking thing ever.

i’m not sure how their channels collide. maybe alec plays a game involving magic and magnus talks about all the ways it’s right/wrong but it ends up just being bantering and giggling and magnus may or may not end up leaning into him on the couch their sitting on and giggling as he makes a stupid joke with the character in the game and immediately everyone’s like…… we ship it

not that i support irl shipping but u know how it goes, everyones like “damn they’re cute” and they’re both openly queer so there’s that. i mean, still not cool, but you know

but really tho they keep doing collabs after that and become actual friends and both start kind of….. doing things for each other’s channel? magnus does a thing like “interview with someone who knows nothing about magic” and we just see a total mundane take on magic and honestly it’s really interesting for both of them, we have more “magnus, who’s an Old Soul and despite having a youtube channel is actually not that great with technology, raphael does all the editing, tries to play video games and kinda fails at it but he gets the hang of some of them”?? he likes puzzle games and mariokart, he does NOT like super smash bros because “THE CHARACTER NEVER DOES WHAT I WANT IT TO ALEXANDER” “you’re just jealous bc i beat ur ass” “you wanna play mariokart again, lightwood?!” 

magnus does a tarot reading for alec, alec does a vlog with him just like “day in the life of alec lol :P” and there’s moments where he just comes up behind magnus like “hey what’s up” and magnus, who’s in rumpled home clothing, sees the camera and chuckles and kinda half heartedly waves it away, and the audience loses their mind at how cute he looks lkdhjgfh

they just become actual good friends, you know? it’s weird bc you wouldn’t think it would work but it really, really does

also on of alec’s fans at some point tries to make a transphobic crack at magnus during a livestream and alec goes OFF on his ass and it’s trending for the next week, the clip goes viral, it’s like “HIMBO GOES OFF ON HATERS FOR BEING TRANSPHOBIC TO HIS FRIEND/POSSIBLE LOVER?” and alec apologizes to magnus for all the attention it brought them but magnus is like “it’s okay, we can use this” and they end up using the hype to do one of those charity livestreams youtubers do and all the proceeds go to something like mermaids or the trevor project, you feel? they’re like “suck it transphobes look at all this money you got trans ppl” khjfgh

ok but eventually they do get together, not on camera, and while it’s slow at first and kind of secret (from the internet, not from friends and family) they’re also not super subtle. they know they’re not, but they’re just sort of like “it’s no one’s business, we’ll announce it when we’re ready”

and honestly tho they love each other so much

also i’ve just decided it’s not uncommon for strong magic-users, even like, level 4 or 5 and up, to have marks, so while his cat eyes are usually glamoured maybe he showed them after a q&a or in a vlog or something? and there are like. lots of gifsets of this, okay, and like, lots of thirst comments. which are like, this weird mix of slightly uncomfortable, really flattering/validating, and embarrassing (in a good and bad way). anyway, magnus has cat eyes in this au, because i fucking said so.

ANYWAY back to their relationship, they’re in love

how did they meet? maybe at a con they bumped into each other, or a totally random fan was like “y’all should do a collab” and everyone was like “what”

or maybe a mutual friend and fellow youtuber, meliorn, who is a nonbinary youtuber who fucking has a sword don’t question me, introduces them? 

idk. but when they meet they hit it off instantly and flirt and end up getting coffee and they don’t date for a while (maybe mutual pining/misunderstandings like “oh he doesn’t like me like that, but it’s okay, we can still be friends :)” or something lkfgjhfgh) but eventually they end up getting together

how? no idea. let me think about it.

idk why but im thinking they’re filming at magnus’s apartment and they’re on his couch and just. late night. they’ve finished up filming but they’re still bantering and maybe playing some video game like mariokart or watching a movie together and just. magnus is leaned all the way into alec, just snuggled up and pressed close against him, alec ends up putting an arm around him, and alec cracks a joke or teases him and magnus sits up a bit to like, poke his chest or flick his nose (you know what i mean? like in an otp person a shifts, still kinda sitting in their lap, and is like [playfully hits shoulder or boops nose or something] and now they’re making eye contact and person b ends up pulling them into a soft kiss???) anyway THEY MAKE EYE CONTACT AND ALEC PULLS HIM INTO A SOFT KISS and alec almost pulls away when he realizes what he’s done but magnus makes this soft little happy noise and leans into him, kissing back, and they just end up kissing for a bit and when they break apart alec is just looking up at him with breathless wonder and magnus is looking down at him with that same soft reverence and alec blurts out something like “you’re magical” and magnus just loses it and he’s giggling and leaning against alec’s chest and alec starts laughing too and magnus can feel the vibrations in his chest and it’s just so nice and pleasant and wonderful and they may or may not end up making out 

they have to talk about it in the morning when they end up falling asleep together in magnus’s bed, cuddled close, but they find, to both of their delights, they both want to date and be in a serious relationship and it’s so fucking good ok 

they go to dinner and the transition from friendship to romance is a little awkward but so worth it, especially when they realize HEY IT’S BOTH YOU DONT STOP BEING FRIENDS WHEN YOU DATE. i mean like, they didn’t not know that, but it’s like, idk how to explain you know they’re kinda like “are we doing this right” and then they’re like “fuck doing it right we can keep cuddling on the couch and giggling and bantering over stupid shit and watching dumb movies and kicking each others asses in video games it doesn’t matter we just also kiss and have dinner more often and sleep together and also we may or may not be in love” 

also they’re That Couple. they’re like straight to the honeymoon, they’re domestic from the first week. magnus is casually doing magic around the house (imagine: he just dyes his hair on a whim and grows it out a little bit and alec is like “i love u no matter how u style ur hair and stuff, and like, ur usual look is so fuckin cute and handsome, but also I Love This.”) but like he’s like (casually summons small ball of light to read book at night) (casually makes alec little protective charms–side note alec def makes him some of these too, but he asks magnus’s old mentor, ragnor, and two of his friends that can do magic, catarina and dot, to enchant it, since he can’t himself, and having magic woven by people who care about him will make it stronger. oh mhyhogfd) and just like. magic used to be something he mostly kept to himself (this def has something to do with his parents–his mom, who he thinks killed herself because of his eyes/magic, his birth dad who’s a powerful sorcerer–level 9, actually, and they think magnus is level 8 for a long time–who was an abusive fuckstick) and then he started doing youtube and it was a kinda show, a gift, something to share, but still not really something he just used openly in front of people he cared about (other than his close friends, since most of them do magic too anyway) but with alec it’s so easy to do that casually?? it’s so easy to just feel comfortable and safe????? yes

anyway they do eventually “come out” as boyfriends, maybe something short and sweet like just. a tweet of magnus sleeping curled up on alec’s chest and he’s like “god i love my boyfriend

they were already not subtle but now that they’re not hiding it they’re so fucking blatantly in love tbh. they do one of those boyfriend tag videos and it’s fucking adorable, at high request they do some couples games kind of videos, like the newlywed game and fuck marry kill (mostly on alec’s channel but magnus has a few, too) and it’s just HIGH QUALITY FUCKING CONTENT

also originally i was just thinking something along the lines of “in canon verse, twi alec is instagram famous/famous on social media and he gets cute tarot boyfriend and is like look at my cute boyfriend and then magnus’s small insta account mostly for his business gets a fuck ton of new followers and alec’s gets a considerable amount too” and now i’m imagining everyone from their respective audiences first thirst-following the other, then actually getting invested 

but really tho they’re the internet’s hottest couple for a while it’s great

for some reason i’m picturing them doing a live tour now, with like, accessible tickets and magnus does magic live on stage and idek what else they’d do tbh but it’d be fun as fuck

anyway this au got away from me

me: i dont have any real coherent ideas

also me: [vomits a 2,500+ word ESSAY] 

[somnilogical]

davis tower kingsley (listed here on the cfar instructor page) who harassed a cis woman about her appearance another cis women reported this to acdc (the people who wrote the thing about how brent was great) and afaict they did nothing, claims that if trans people and gay people dont "repent and submit to the pope" they will burn in hell, defended the spanish inquisitions, wrote about how the mission system werent actually abductions, slavery, forced conversions and this was propaganda, defends pretty much any atrocity that an authority, "believes" the catholic god exists and does not try and destroy them, submits to them. and so much more.

born into another era they would actually work for the california mission system and say it was good.

said thing that cached out to that emma and somni should repent and submit to the rationalist community. wrote up a rant about "how about fuck you. go lick the boots of your dark mistress anna salamon." didnt send. got kicked by some rationalist, reasoning is probably that what id say would disrupt their peaceful machinations of omnicide, would be infohazards, because... the information is hazardous to their social order.

a few of these things are subjects of future blog posts.

--

cfar has never hired a trans woman, i have lots of logs of them trying to do what people did to porpentine. claiming emma thinks torturing children is hot, claiming emma was physically violent, claiming emma was indistinguishable from a rapist, claiming ziz was a "gross uncle style abuser", claiming somni was enticing people to rape, claiming that anna salamon was a small fragile woman and ziz was large and had muscles. as if any of our strength or speed had anything to do with our muscles in this place. all of these things are false except relative size difference between ziz and anna which is just transmisogynistic and irrelevant.

if they lie about are algorithms claim that we are using male-typical strategies and then they can fail by these lies and be sidelined by callout posts that transfered 350,000$ from miri despite their best efforts to cover this up. (all benefited by having relative political advantagr flowing from estrogenized brain modules. men are kind of npc's in this particular game of fem v fem cyberontological warfare for the fate of the multiverse, mostly making false patriarchal assumptions that ziz was doing things for social status. like status sensitivity is hormonally mediated, your experiences are not universal. or saying like kingsley is saying that people should repent and submit to whatever authorities in the rationalist region they submit to. NO. FUCK YOU. i will not repent and submit to your abusive dark mistress anna salamon.

i knew anna salamon was doing the edgy "transfems are all secretly male" thing before i talked with ziz. it was a thing, {zack, carrie}, ben hoffman, michael vassar were also in on it. ppl had men trapped in mens bodies on their bookshelves because the cool people were reading it. didnt think she was being *transmisogynistic* about it until i talked with ziz. in retrospect i was naive.)

also? anarchistic coordination ive had with people have been variously called lex's cluster, somni's cluster, ziz's cluster by authoritarians who cant imagine power structures between people that arent hierarchical. like based on who they want to say is "infohazardously corrupting people" emma goldman had to deal with this shit too where the cops tried to say she was friends with anyone who thought anarchism made sense. people she didnt know at all who did their own anarchism. because authoritarians dont think in terms of philosophy, they think any challenge to their power is a disease that needs to be eliminated and you just need to doxx their network.

like if ziz and somni and emma were all actually infohazardous rapists as people keep trying to claim we are and then saying "oh no i didnt mean it i swear" and then doing it again. what would happen isnt that a bunch of infohazardous rapists start talking and working together for a common goal. what actually happens with people of that neurotype is they partition up the territory into rival areas of feeding on people like gangs do.

like they dont get together and start talking a lot about decision theory and cooperate in strange new ways.

not that the people lying about emma, ziz, gwen, somni and others are trying to have accurate beliefs. they are trying what all athoritarians try with anarchist groups. unfortunately for them, ive read the meta, i know dread secrets of psychology and cooperation that they claim are like painful static and incomprehensible, yet despite being "incomprehensible" are almost certainly harmful. if harm is to be judged against upholding the current regime, and the current regime is evil, then lots of true information and good things will look harmful. like ive tested this out in different social spheres what people claim is "incomprehensible" is the stuff that destroys whatever regime they are working in. like someone said i sounded like i was crazy and homeless and couldnt understand me when i pointed out that reorienting your life, your time, your money, to a human who happens to be genetically related to you for 16 years is altruistic insanity. just do the math. eliezer, anna, michael, brian tomasik all once took heroic responsibility for the world at some point in their lives and could do a simple calculation and make the right choice. none of them have children.

pretending that peoples "desires" "control them", when "desires" are part of the boundary of the brain, part of the brains agency and are contingent on what you expect to get out of things. like before stabbing myself with a piece of metal would make me feel nauseated, id see black dots, and feel faint. but after i processed that stabbing myself would cure brain damage and make me more functional, all this disappeared.

most people who "want" to have children have this desire downstream of a belief that someone else will take heroic responsibility for the world, they dont need to optimize as much. there are other competent people. if they didnt they would feel differently and make different choices.

you can see the contingency of how people feel about something on what they get out of it lots of places. like:

<<Meanwhile, a Ngandu woman confessed, "after losing so many infants I lost courage to have sex.">>

but people lie about how motivation works, in order to protect the territory of saying "well i just need a steady input of nubile fems so i can concentrate and be super altruistic!" or "i just need spend 16 years of life reorienting around humans who happen to be genetically related to me and my friends so i can concentrate and be super altruistic!" when neither of these are true. these people just want nubile fems, they just want babies. (the second one has much much less negative externalities though. you could say i am using my female brain modules to say "yeah the archetypically female strat, though it has the same amount of lying, is less harmful". but like it actually is less directly harmful. the harm from gaslighting people downstream of diverting worldsaving resources and structure to secure a place to {hit on fems, raise babies} is ruinous. means that worldsaving plans that interfere with either of these are actively fought. and the knowledge that neither of these are altruistic optimizations, neither is Deeply Wise they are as dumb in terms of global optimization as they seem initially, is agentically buried.

this warps things in deep ways, that were a priori unexpected to me.)

this is obvious, but when i talk about it, the objection isnt that it doesnt make utilitarian sense, the objection is that "im talking like a crazy person". authoritarians say this to me too when i assert my right to my property that they took, act like im imposing on them. someone else asked if i could "act like a human" and do what he wanted me to do when i was thinking and talking with my friends. all of these things authoritarians have said to me "act like a human" "talk like a normal person i cant understand you" were to coerce my submission. they construct the category of "human" and then say im in violation of it and this is wrong and i should rectify it. i am talking perfectly good english right now. you can read this.

anna salamon, kelsey piper, elle, pete michaud, and many others all try to push various narratives of somni, emma, ziz, gwen and others being in the buckets {RAPIST, PSYCHO, BRAINWASHED}. im not a rapist, im not psychotic, im not brainwashed. before ziz came along, people were claiming i was brainwashing people, its a narrative they keep reusing.

porpentine talks about communities that do this, that try and pull trap doors beneath trans women:

<<For years, queer/trans/feminist scenes have been processing an influx of trans fems, often impoverished, disabled, and/or from traumatic backgrounds. These scenes have been abusing them, using them as free labor, and sexually exploiting them. The leaders of these scenes exert undue influence over tastemaking, jobs, finance, access to conferences, access to spaces. If someone resists, they are disappeared, in the mundane, boring, horrible way that many trans people are susceptible to, through a trapdoor that can be activated at any time. Housing, community, reputation—gone. No one mourns them, no one asks questions. Everyone agrees that they must have been crazy and problematic and that is why they were gone.>>

https://thenewinquiry.com/hot-allostatic-load/

(a mod of rationalist feminists deleted this almost immediately from the group as [[not being a good culture fit]], not being relevant to rationalism, and written in the [[wrong syntax]]. when its literally happening right now, they are trying to trapdoor transfems who protest and rebel asap. just like google.)

canmom on tumblr talks about the strategic use of "incomprehensibility" against transfems. and how its not about "comprehensibility". i have a different theory of this, but her thing is also a thing.

<<Likewise, @isoxys recently wrote an impressively thorough transmisogyny 101, synthesising the last several years of discussions about this facet of our particular hell world. But that post got just 186 notes, almost exclusively from the same trans women who are accused of writing ‘inaccessibly’.

Perhaps they’d say isoxys’s post is inaccessible too, but what would pass the bar? Some slick HTML5 presentation with cute illustrations? A wiki? Who’s got the energy and money to make and host something like that? Do the critics of ‘inaccessible’ posts take some time to think about what kind of alternative would be desirable, and how it could be organised?>>

https://canmom.tumblr.com/post/185908592767/accessibility-in-terms-of-not-using-difficult

alice maz talks about the psychology behind the kind of cop kelsey piper, david tower kingsley, elle and others are:

<<the role of the cop is to defend society against the members of society. police officers are trivially cops. firefighters and paramedics, despite similar aesthetic trappings, are emphatically not. bureaucrats and prosecutors are cops, as are the worst judges, though the best are not. schoolteachers and therapists are almost always cops; this is a great crime, as they present themselves to the young and the vulnerable as their friends, only to turn on them should they violate one of their profession's many taboos. soldiers and parents need not be cops, but the former may be used as such, and the latter seem frighteningly eager to enlist. the cop is the enemy of passion and the enemy of freedom, never forget this>>

https://www.alicemaz.com/writing/alien.html

anna salamon wrote a thing implying that ziz, somni, gwen suffered some sort of vague mental issues from going to aisfp. (writing a post on this.) alyssa vance tried to suggest i believe cfar is evil because im homeless. but sarah constantin, ben hoffman, {carrie, zack}, jessica taylor (the last three who have blogged a lot about whats deeply wrong) (not listing others because not wanting to doxx a network to authoritarians, who just want to see it contained. and the disease of "infohazards" eradicated.) are not homeless and ive talked with many of them and read blog posts. and they know that cfar is fake. jessica (former miri employee) left because miri was fake.

anna and others are trying to claim that theres some person responsible for a [[mass psychotic break]] that causes people to... independently update in the same direction. and have variously blamed it on ziz, somni, michael vassar. but like mass psychotic breaks arent...really a thing, would not be able to independently derive something, plan on writing a blogpost on it, and then see ben hoffman had written http://benjaminrosshoffman.com/engineer-diplomat/ and i was like "ah good then i dont have to write this." and have this happen with several different people.

like this is more a mass epistemic update that miri / cfar / ssc / lw are complicit in the destruction of the world. and will defend injustice and gaslight people and lie about the mathematical properties of categories to protect this.

they all know exactly what they are doing, complicity with openai and deepmind in hopes of taking the steering wheel away at the last second. excluding non-human life and dead humans from the CEV to optimize some political process, writing in an absolute injunction to an fai against some outcome to protect from blackmail when that makes it more vulnerable.(see:

https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/hyperexistential_separation.html

hyperexistential separation: if an fai cant think of hell, an fai cant send the universe to hell in any timeline. this results in lower net utility. if you put an absolute injunction against any action for being too terrible you cant do things like what chelsea manning did and i believe actually committed to hungerstriking until death in the worlds where the government didnt relent, choosing to die in those timelines. such that most of her measure ended up in a world where the government read this commitment in her and so relented.

if chelsea manning had an absolute injunction against ever dying in any particular timeline, she would get lower expected utility across the multiverse. similarly, in newcombs problem if you had an absolute injunction against walking away with 0$ in any timeline because that would be too horrible, you get less money in expectation. for any absolute injunction against things that are Too Horrible you can construct something like this.

--

a lot of humans seem to be betting on "nothing too horrible can happen to anyone" in hopes that it pays off in nothing too horrible happening to you.

the end result of not enacting ideal justice is the deaths of billions. at each timestamp saying "its too late to do it now, but maybe it would have been good sometime in the past". with the same motive that miri wants to exclude dead people from the cev, they arent part of the "current political process". so you can talk about them as if they were not moral patients, just like they treat their fellow animals.

(ben hoffman talks about different attitudes towards ideal justice coming upon the face of the earth.)

--

https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/cev.html

cev:

<<But again, we fall back on the third reply: "The people who are still alive" is a simple Schelling circle to draw that includes everyone in the current political process. To the extent it would be nice or fair to extrapolate Leo Szilard and include him, we can do that if a supermajority of EVs decide* that this would be nice or just. To the extent we don't bake this decision into the model, Leo Szilard won't rise from the grave and rebuke us. This seems like reason enough to regard "The people who are still alive" as a simple and obvious extrapolation base.>>

https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/cev.html

this is an argument from might makes right. because dead people and nonhuman animals cant fight back.

->"i think we should give planning of the town to the white people, then extrapolate their volition and if they think doing nice things for black people is a good idea, we'll do it! no need to bake them in to the town planning meetings, as they are arent part of the current political process and no one here will speak up for them."

i dont plan to exclude dead people or any sentient creatures from being baked in to fai. they are not wards of someone else. enslaving and killing fellow sentient life will not continue after the singularity even if lots of humans want it and dont care and wont care even after lots of arguments.) and so much else.

the list of all specific grievances would take a declaration of independence.

like with googles complicity with ICE having a culture of trapdooring transfems (for some reason almost the only coherent group that has the moral fiber to oppose these injustices, that is p(transfem|oppose injustice in a substantiative way) is high, not necc the reverse.) who question this sort of thing.

thinking of giving sarah constantin a medal thats engraved with "RIGHTEOUS AMONG CIS PEOPLE: I HAD SEVERAL SUBSTANTIAL DISAGREEMENTS WITH HER ABOUT LOAD BEARING PARTS OF HER LIFE AND SHE NEVER ONCE TRIED TO CALL ME A RAPIST, PSYCHOTIC, OR BRAINWASHED" thats where the bar is at, its embedded in the core of the earth.

kelsey piper, elle benjamin, anna salamon, pete michaud, and lots more have entirely failed to clear this bar. anna and kelsey saying they dont understand stuff somni, emma, ziz and other transfems talk about but its probably dangerous and infohazardous and its not to be engaged with philosophically. just like the shelter people acting as if my talking about their transmisogyny was confusing and irrational to be minimized and not engaged with. just like any authoritarian where when you start talking about your rights and what is right and wrong and what makes sense they are like "i dont understand this. you are speaking gibberish why are you being so difficult? all we need you to do is submit or leave."

and no i will NOT SHUT UP about this injustice. all miri/cfar people can do at this point is say "the things these people write are infohazards" then continue to gaslight others they cant engage on a philosophical level. all the can say is that what i am saying is meaningless static and yet also somehow dangerous.

::

it doesnt make sense to have and raise babies if you are taking heroic responsibility for the world. doesnt make sense to need a constant supply of fems to have sex with if you are taking heroic responsibility for the world. people who claim either of these pairs of things are lying, maybe expect someone else to take heroic responsibility for the world or exist in a haze.

the mathematics of categories and anticipations dont allow for the thing you already have inside you to be modified based on the expected smiles it gives your community. this is used to gaslight people like "calling this lying would be bad for the institutions, not optimize ev. thus by this blogpost you are doing categories wrong' this is a mechanism to cover dishonesty for myopic gains.

using the above, a bunch of people colluding with the baby industrial complex get together and say that the "beat" meaning of altruism includes having babies (but maybe not having sex with lots of fems? depending on which gendered strategy gets the most people in the colluding faction) because other meanings would make people sad and unmotivated. burying world optimizers ability to talk about and coordinate around actual altruism.

openAI and deepmind are not alignment orgs. cfar knows this and claims they are, gaslighting their donors, in hopes of taking the steering wheel at the last moment.

alyssa vance says paying out to blackmail is fine, its not.

CFAR manipulated donation metrics to hide low donations.

MIRI lied about its top 8 most probable hypotheses for why its down 350,000$ this year.

anna salamon is transmisogynistic, this is why cfar has never hired a trans women despite trans women being extremely good at mental tech. instead the hire people like davis kingsley.

kingsley lied about anna not being involved at hiring in cfar in order to claim anna couldnt be responsible for cfar never hiring a trans woman.

a cfar employee claimed anna salamon hired their rapist, was angry about it. mentioned incidentally how anna salamon, president and cofounder of cfar, was involved in hiring at cfar.

acdc wrote a big thing where defended a region of injustice (brent dill) because of their policy of modular ethics. when really, if you defend injustice at any point, you have to defend the defense and the thing iteratively spreads across your organization like a virus.

miri / cfar caved to louie helm.

not doing morality or decision theory right. among which is: https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/hyperexistential_separation.html and https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/cev.html

and so much more.

[chamelis]

Hiii!! I hope you’re having a great great day!! 🥺💛💛 💘🌷 get to know your mutuals! when you get this, it means someone wants to know more about you, so list 5 things about yourself you want your followers to know. they can be as simple as your age or as complex as your deepest fear, as long as it’s something you’re comfortable with sharing. when you’re done, send this to 10 people you want to get to know better! 🌷💘🌺 (hello anju hehe)

hi tano 🥺🥺 ily this is so cute ok

1. erm i really love food. like a lot!! smth i realised recently as i keep planning what kinda food im gonna make when i move to uni and what stuff I'll buy DHSJDJD food gives me lots of happiness.

2. i have a huge fear of disappointing myself and not achieving things. not just like academic type achievements. but like i have a huge huge procrastination problem and part of the reason why i procrastinate is bc im scared of doing a bunch of hard work and having it be worthless. which is frankly stupid lmao

3. i have been told i have very bright and happy energy and i think that's one of my best traits :) i rlly like making ppl happy. thats one of the main reasons i like making friends and being an extrovert

4. i hate regrets. i hate the idea of regretting anything, which is why i mull over every decision i make. its also why i always have that "u cant fire me bc i quit mentality", where i pretend that i /wanted/ smth to happen even if i maybe didnt. its not thaaat serious tho

5. (hopefully) in a non evil way, i am very selfish dhskdnd. as in, i really value myself and my personality and stuff. thats also why i enjoy having social media, esp this blog - i like attention. but at the same time i really dont want tons and tons of followers? like i just make these posts and say these things for my own satisfaction. i try to be my biggest hypewoman :D

this was very very self indulgent and thoughtful and fun, ty for sending tano!!!! ily so much 💖♥️💘♥️💘

[mugmyremarsh]

getting (back) into trading

have YOU just joined (or rejoined) animal jam? do u wanna get into trading? do you just know absolutely NOTHING about rares? cool. im gonna try help you to the best of my abilities :'D also for this ill be typing pretty damn normally just so that its legible so yea!

first things first tho! what do you know about rares? im talkin like. do u know what a long collar is. do you know what its worth.

your answer is PROBABLY at least a BIT. which is sick! good for you (*not sarcasm) but if your answer is smth along the lines of. absolutely fucking nothing to a little bit then may i suggest: reading up on the aj worth wiki. i only rlly recommend this if you dont know a whole lot. bcus the sites listed worths are not really the most accurate but they can be a good way to get a vague idea of the shit show!! id reccomend starting with rims n then working your way up cbs -> dbs -> (short wrists) -> long wrists (etc)

alright alright! next. do you know what things are worth? how many dbs should you trade for a good wrist? what shorts are fair for a green long? (lol idk why but that soundz kinda funnie)

if u dont think you know the answer to those questions then id recommend !!!! going on2 instagram unfortunately. the animal jam community is at its peak there i think (the animal jam amino can be kinda useful too).

what you wanna do there is just see what kinda trades ppl r accepting n stuff. the aj community there posts trades a LOT n theyll ask people to comment smth like o/f/u. o/f/u is outdated for some reason n they use something else. o/f/u stands for over/fair/under btw. jus checked- now theyre using g/f/l standing for good/fair/loss. so yea! most trades on the tag are for ajpw so :] i guess!

another way to learn is just through practise. what are people willing to accept and what are they declining? this one can be a bit tricky because some people are very picky with what they accept but overall? still pretty solid

btw the learning process can take about a week or so!! but also im slow.. at things. so hopefully itll be quicker for u!

finding people to trade with.

this shit is HARD. most jammers just go into aldan or wootmoos den. specific places in aldan are coral canyons, temple of zios, bradys lab (big boys only). ofc these places r only sometimes full of people. places which for sure have ppl is about any jamma township. trading parties are also popular!!

if u wanna be a cool kid u can post ur offers ~online~ main place id go to are the aj worth wikis and comment on either the item you are offering or that youre offering for ;w; makes sense right. you can also post your offers on instagram (tagged with animaljam) or the animal jam amino. i unno theyre both p good options.

actually getting shit 2 trade. well if ur gonna trade u need shit 2 trade ykno?

if youre a member, like every other person will say, i recommend the forgotten desert!! just host it or find sm1 else hosting it. it doesnt usually take very long for it to fill up. another thing- finding a group of people who will do it over and over again w you so you dont have to find new people every time.

if youre doing tfd (the forgotten desert) you wanna avoid doing the purple crystals. they waste time and u still get shit prizes from them. there were like. myths that youd get a headdress if you did them.. not true. jus do not bother w them. have your map open when you play tfd so you can see where youve already been n stuff, playing with audio helps cos youll hear a sound effect when youre able to collect a shard (useful for yellow 1z). its possible but unlikely that youll get a spike but i mean hey! i got my first spike from tfd!!! it was a yellow long! also be sure to pick up ground chests. there was a rumour that opening those would worsen your prizes which again. isnt true lol.

if youre a nm then i think people tend to recommend replaying the first adventure over and over again. i dont rlly have a lot to say abt this. its pretty simple.

and ofc :) the third way 2 get rare. the most... well i unno how to describe it but its something. ENTER GIVEAWAYS. you can find giveaways on instagram and youtube. honestly takes nothing to enter them and you have a chance of getting good stuff!!!

AAAND if youre artistic!!! enter art contestz!!! these dayz people barely enter art contests meaning that you have a higher chance of winning!!! and also! think about setting up animal jam commissions. post your art on the animal jam amino to get traction, people are more likely to see your commissions there!!! finding art contests is best on instagram though.

alright!! thats about all i have to say.. might add more in the future. but another thing. if youre trading then TRADE. offer for others peoples stuff. dont just sit in aldan and say unwanted on trd. alright. thats super not efficient!! also dont resort to scamming people? thats an asshole move.

next time! i wanna write abt how ppl subconsciously treat nms and unrare looking people while trading!!! ill link that here if i ever write it lol.

[a-ffection]

1-99 🐸

BET YOU THOUGHT I WOULDNT DO IT SCRUB. I tagged this #long post if yall dont want to see it btw sorry

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

According to Spotify Me its 1. Hail to the King - Avenged Sevenfold 2. The Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson 3. Holy Diver - Killswitch Engage 4. Sick Like Me - In This Moment 5. Girls in Black - Airbourne 6. Shrike - Hozier 

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

MY SOULMATE DAMMIT

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ugh ”Now the bad news, im afraid, is that we won't be home for supper.”

4: What do you think about most?

Money

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“Maybe not” - from you

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Without8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are cute; Boys are cute but at what cost?

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Yup

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Idk last week11: Do you have any strange phobias?

Public bathrooms and men with neck or face tattoos

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

When i was younger i used to stick straws up my nose

13: What’s your religion?

Roman Catholic

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Walking the thot

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind, I don't trust most ppl to take pics of me

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Uhhh Avenged Sevenfold probably

17: What was the last lie you told?

idr

18: Do you believe in karma?

Yup

19: What does your URL mean?

It’s pretty self-explanatory 

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Procrastination; Loyalty 

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

Currently Henry Cavill 

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Its on my to-do list

23: How do you vent your anger?

Chores lol

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Mushroom decor, books

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

TEXT

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Happier yes

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Crowds; Nature

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

”what if i tried harder and passed this class the first time around?”

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

YES x2

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Cell phone; cookie

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

Nothing really

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

LA

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

West Coast

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Hozier

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

To impact the world and/or its inhabitants in a positive way. 

36: Define Art.

Art makes you feel some typaway

37: Do you believe in luck?

Yes, only because i have horrible luck

38: What’s the weather like right now?

drizzling

39: What time is it?

6:23pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

yes and yes

41: What was the last book you read?

Sea of Strangers by Lang Leav

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yes

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Jaz, Jazzy, princess, noob (curtesy of my bro) 

44: What was the last film you saw?

Ready or Not

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Hairline fracture. Urban Air. Rock wall. Jumped off. Ouch.48: What’s your sexual orientation?

I like boys

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

lmao YES

50: Do you believe in magic?

I believe in portals to other dimensions does that count?

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

Yup

52: What is your astrological sign?

Leo

53: Do you save money or spend it?

Both

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

Starbucks

55: Love or lust?

Both

56: In a relationship?

No

57: How many relationships have you had?

idk

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No

59: Where were you yesterday?

Why do you want to know frog boy?

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Dogs collar

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

No

62: What’s your favourite animal?

Owls

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Be really nice and smiley to them but like in a low cut blouse66: What is your heritage?

Native North American. Mexican, Spaniard 

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Sleeping

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Morningstar

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

I-

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Yess

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog, my boss is a cunt anyway.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

Uhg a) Yes b) Things ive always wanted to do c) Probably 

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Love, since it comes with trust anyway

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Hail to the King

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

6744

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Communication, trust, honesty, time, consideration, maturity, sexual attraction

77: How can I win your heart?

Have these traits: Beard, muscles, weeb, a sweetheart, sense of humor, be Catholic, have a decent career path, give me all the attention

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

yes

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

uhh

80: What size shoes do you wear?

9 in heels; 9.5 in shoes

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

Something that will make goth kids take pictures on my grave

82: What is your favourite word?

Bastard

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

The Sacred Heart cause im catholic and hispanic

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

Bad words and insults

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Old Time Religion - Parker Millsap

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Teal, Green, Red, Black, and Pink

87: What is your current desktop picture?

A pretty forest

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Id save it for a rainy day

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

”Have you ever watched hentai?”

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Put collars on them and teach them tricks

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Healing - people, the land, etc.

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

dunno

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Ive already did that according to the therapist i had

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Im saving myself for marriage 

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Ireland

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Yes

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Yes, when i was a kid

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yes, to Cali

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Your governments will always consider your freedom a burden

[draw-you-coward]

[ask sent in that i’m unnaming for the sender’s privacy, considering the info involved. posted with permission!]

“I think I figured out why I love the ikael series so much, and it's just like... honest and genuine and scathing writing of being neurodivergent and in relationships and dynamics and all the good and bad things that happen because of it? I'm allistic but have other things going on but Ikael is so hugely relatable? Every chapter it's like, oh, fuck, I do that, I've been there??? (1/2?)

And it's so inexplicably healing and cathartic to read that and then have it come to a happy resolution bc the people involved are in healthy and supportive and nonnormative relationships (I can't express in words how much I love Thancred and Ikael's qpr and their cohabitation/co-parenting ish and the whole family dynamics of the scions and all) bc like, in my experiences, these things have been very negative and traumatizing and like, (2/3)

...I haven't had ppl in my life who really know how to support me in the specific ways I need when I'm like nonverbal or shutting down or having a panic attack or whatever? It's just, so good to read queer neurodivergent characters fucking being human and flawed and also like being in healthy relationships and supporting each other with things I've given up on other people being able to support me on? (3/3″

~*~ (reply below the cut)

Honestly, that’s why I started to write what I did.

I started ikael off as a sort of joke character, and when i wanted to write something with thancred, i substituted my woL for him because oddly i found he had a lot more chemistry? ikael was sort of there for when i wanted to write about something i found the game writing didn’t resolve properly, or i wanted to explore more. eventually, as his character began to take shape, i started to find him... really cathartic, and started to make the series about him instead of just being named after him (which i do for all my characters because it’s simple and to the point lol).

I was hesitant to make ikael autistic, because it was just in the wake of myself finding out I was autistic, and i didn’t want to do it wrong (and frankly there was a mote of internalized ableism and denial there too spun from a lifetime of misinformation) and i had mostly been writing him as “well i do this lol/it doesn’t have to have a label”. but since i have - there’s a turning point somewhere early ikael.series where you can sort of tell it happens - i’ve found it astonishingly easy to relate to him, much more than i ever have with allistic characters! i’ve since received similar responses from other people, and it warms my heart ;w;

i actually hesitated to even make him openly gay at first! (he always was by design lol) which sounds wild . but the fandom, minus aymeric/estinien shippers, was pretty heteronormative! especially with ikael being a “catboy”, and myself being unfamiliar with anime tropes like that and the final fantasy genre in general. i didnt know how it would be received, or whether people would think i was “just another cis girl fetishizing gay men” (nevermind that im,, nb and not even attracted to men :p) making him aro was weirdly a little harder for me to decide. i’m aroace. there’s always been an element of “well people mock aros and/or aces” and i still see posts on my dash making fun of qprs and telling people “those are just friendships lmao jfc people go outside”. so once again i didn’t know how it’d be received

ok i’ve waaay gone off topic sorry! but yeah man at the bottom of the line, if we can’t have it, and if this world won’t allow it, i want to create a space where it exists. it’s one of the biggest reasons why i never create any conflict related to identity or relationships (homophobia, transphobia, everything listed above) in my canon. we already have that to a frankly staggering extent. what we don’t have is resources for autistic people, for neurodivergent people, we don’t have the common understanding and acceptance for mental health that should frankly be universal . i’m writing mostly for myself and people like me (in whatever way that is), yes. im also writing for people who don’t have an understanding of these things so they can develop a healthy one. i’ve said this before but i’m never going to purposefully write a conflict that’s unresolved, or resolved in an unhealthy way. im not going to hurt the characters without healing them. i dont write unresolved angst or trauma. at the very most, i take my time with long term trauma, because that can’t be fixed in 3k words! again, ive said this before: people do what i dont, and that’s great! im not attacking it; i even like reading it sometimes. but that’s not the purpose of my writing.

thanks for sending in your thoughts! <3

[microsoftedgy69]

Goliath, part 1

[prologue]

-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering tremoloTangible [TT] at 11:11 -- TG: yo TT: Hey, what’s up? TG: have u checked up on our tl lately TT: Depends. What century? TG: ours TT: Then no. I haven’t been there in several months. TT: Why?

TG: k so TG: the carapaces are still there right TG: and i sometimes check up on em to make sure theyre doin ok. get enough to eat etc TG: but theyve all been losin their shit lately and i mean its kinda hard to talk to em properly but i dont wanna beat around the bush here so im not gettin into that TG: theres been some concerning stuff happening on our good old earth al TG: my alternian is p rusty and my translator gave me some weird results here n there but im gonna send u an article abt it and trust that ur language pack can handle it -- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] has sent file ______.png --

You don’t have blood that can turn cold. You don’t have breath that can stutter in your chest. But some years ago, you were a human kid, and in this very moment, you remember perfectly how all these things felt.

TG: al

You reread the article. In your mind, your non-existent blood goes from freezing to boiling. You almost forget to switch your language pack to English when you reply to them.

TG: u still there TT: Yes. TT: Sorry. TT: She is turning Earth into a military base. TG: yeah thats what i was getting from it too TT: Hmm. TG: i dont like what that prob means 4 the carapaces TG: cant imagine shell give a shit about em yfm TT: Yeah. TG: idk abt ur part of the world TG: u said the apartment is underwater anyway aint it TT: It is, yes. TT: It’s still… I don’t know. TT: This might be silly. TT: But it’s still my home. TG: its not silly TG: this whole thing feels wrong TT: Yeah. TG: sooo TG: what do we do abt this TT: What? TG: we should b able to do something about this right TT: You wanna stop the Condesce? TG: ppl in other timelines have done it TT: That is correct. TG: we could do it TG: right TT: I have drafted a plan or two in the past. TG: o have u TT: I wasn’t sure if you were interested. TG: im pretty interested these days TG: the others not so much tbh but i cant blame em TG: theyre worried bc u know. i happen to be a lot less immortal than her or you TT: I’ve planned for that. TG: lmaooo TT: We’ll get you immortal and kill the Condesce, Rox. TG: man u rly are him huh TT: Told you.

Your name is Alan Strider. Sometimes, when you jerk awake at night, you are sure, one hundred percent sure, that Her Imperious Condescension is not done with you yet. Sometimes, when you sit on the deck of the boat you live on, recovering from nightmares, you think that she might come for you one day.

When that happens, you make plans.

You prepare.

It’ll be you who comes for her.

It’s you who’s not done yet.

i wanna hunt like david. i wanna kill me a giant man.

Roxy looks good when they come to meet you by your storage unit in Brazil. Grown up, you think, and determined. Nevertheless, something flickers over their face when you show them what's inside; when they lay eyes on the dismembered imperial drone you stole from your home timeline. You can relate. Your face doesn't show as much, but you feel the same every time you think about it.

You sit on scrap metal and talk about your plans. You have several, for different scenarios, and you accept what Roxy wants to change about them. The phrase Are you sure you want to do this is uttered back and forth a couple of times, before you both understand that yes. You're sure.

The way you end up agreeing on is simple enough -- if it works, you end up with a dead Condesce, a conditionally immortal Roxy, and a destroyed spare body of yours. If it doesn't, you have a list of other plans you can resort to. Stakes are high, but you've thought this through.

It's worth it.

So, you and Roxy get to work. You have to program the drone to go back home to mommy -- step one of the plan is both to find out her whereabouts, and to start coaxing her back to the planet she's having rebuilt. It might take a while, so it'll give you both time to… well, to gather up your things and make arrangements like pet care in your absence and telling your respective friends what's going on, you guess. You're not looking forward to this part of your masterplan, but you barely have time to think about it.

Anything that has you accessing an imperial drone's software is still prone to give you flashbacks bad enough to make your mechanical hands shake, so it's good that you have Roxy by your side this time. Practiced as you might be, they are still way better at this than you. You give them pointers to where they’ll find the parts of the programming you need to hijack, just to speed up the whole process, then you leave them be and go do your own work.

Roxy laugh-scoffed at the way your notes concerning the drone looked. When you disassembled it, you made yourself a map so you could put it back together, but it doesn’t look like something anyone else could ever decipher. It works for you, though. Part for part, the heap of metal starts resembling the huge beasts that almost killed the both of you on numerous occasions again.

“You wanna look over this before I finish it off?” Roxy asks eventually.

“I’m sure you did great,” you say, but you want to look over it anyway. You don’t get shivers down your spine now that you’re a robot, but you feel the sense of cold and dread in the back of your mind, going over the very program that made your lives hell, that both saved you and killed Dirk. Roxy reaches for your hand, and you take it. You exchange another We’re really doing this, huh? look, but nobody says it out loud anymore. You say, “Looks good.”

You captchalogue the finished drone, then transportalize back to Roxy’s part of your home planet, and release it. It’ll find its way back to the Condesce, and then promptly self-destruct, leaving in its wake only a message to goad her back to Earth. Once she’s made it back here, you’ll move on to the next part of the plan.

Until then, for now, you will wait.

Roxy hugs you before they disappear back to a different timeline’s Barcelona, and you disappear back to your boat in a different timeline’s Indian Ocean. Only once you are home and alone do you allow yourself to actually feel something.

Everything from Roxy messaging you to your feet hitting the deck of your yacht again happened without pause, your mind going on autopilot. Something was happening, so something had to be done in response, your plans had to be set in motion, there was no time to think about any of this. No time to fully realize what’s going on.

You stand there in the scorching evening sun of your current timezone, stare out at the horizon, and wait for the fear to come.

What hits you instead is cold, calculating, ready-to-maim anger.

You are not scared of her. Not when you know exactly what you’re going to do, where, how, and when you’re going to do it, to bring her down. You’ve been scared your whole life, and it’s enough, now. It’s enough. She’s taken your family from you, your childhood, your friends, your life as a human kid. If after all she’s put you through there is one person who has the right to destroy your home planet as well, it sure as shit should be you.

You square your shoulders, flex your hands, and refocus. You’ll have to talk to Alma to make sure you can time this coup just right to be back home for his big day.

And before that, after months and months of fighting it, you’ll have to tell your boyfriend that you’re doing the exact thing you promised him not to do.

There’s no going back now. You’ll make whatever sacrifices you need to end it once and for all.