#like ‘im sorry but we only grant access to people who know how to pick up their underwear from the bathroom floor ❤️’

[rendevok]

Extremely specific narumitsu trope i like to see in fic: when people realize they’re a couple and suddenly phoenix can investigate crime scenes without issue. He gets the royal treatment solely by association

[mendesbadrepuation]

Knife Play || Bucky Barnes

*gifs not mine...creds to owner*

Pairing: Bucky x Avenger Y/n 

Background: It’s simple. You have an itch that needs to be scratched. If he’s willing to play then he too needs to be scratched. We all know how boring it can get when everyone is out of the Avengers Compound for the weekend. Except for the two people in the place who have always had an attraction for each other. 

Mature Content Warning: slight knife kink, unprotected sex (male x fem), very slight spitting, just a sprinkle of fingering, 18+ minors DNI

A/n: this is my first time posting smut. I never have had the confidence to do this. Just felt like it’s not my best quality when it comes to writing. Posting this for fun and as always everyone is welcome for feedback! :)

•••••

I was training late in the afternoon in the compound. I had an itch that needed to be scratched and the best way to release those feelings were working out. It was strangely quiet around the building today and it was expected to be like that for a couple of days. Really I think it was just me here and Tony’s technology. I had a faint idea that maybe someone else was here but we haven’t crossed paths yet.

I pick off my blades from the target board one by one. Each of the knives were sitting side by side each other. My aim was about as good as Clint’s. He did have some credit for making me who I am today. My skin was hot and lightly covered in sweat. I was training in a tiny black sports bra and tight spandex shorts. The sports bra left nothing to the imagination. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror to the side. Pieces of my hair had fallen around to frame my face. My braids were a little messy but still holding together.

Without looking at the target I shut my eyes and throw one knife. I hear it hit the board and I open my eyes to see where it landed. Dead center of the target. Damn I’m good.

“That was too easy.” A voice breaks the silence I was in and it startled me. I look up and meet eyes with James Barnes.

“You shouldn’t startle a lady with knives James.” I reply and playfully point the knife towards him. I watch him pull an evil smirk on his face. He brings his arms up and folds them in front of his chest. His biceps and shoulders looked as if they were going to shred his shirt at the stance. James had a muscular body like all the men in the house do. But his was different. His was more in his back, shoulders, and biceps. Most importantly his chest. Something I had always found insanely attractive about him. Often times I would catch myself daydreaming about the possibilities. The way he would take me.

“Knives don’t scare me. You for sure don’t.” He replies in a cocky tone making my stomach burn.

“Hm I’ll remember that.” My tone was playful towards him. What I would give for him to just fuck me right now. I couldn’t put a price on it. That’s how bad I wanted him and how bad I’ve always wanted him. “What are you doing here? Honestly thought I had the place to myself.” I turn my body back to facing the targets. Without hesitation I sling one at the furthest target hitting straight in the middle. Then I sling another a little closer to me doing the same.

“I stayed behind like you. I knew you were here earlier. I heard you singing in the kitchen this morning.” My cheeks burned from embarrassment at being caught by him. I was in no way a good singer so I’m sure he was not happy about that.

“Ooh sorry that you had to hear that.” I try to laugh it off to ease my thoughts.

“You shouldn’t be sorry. You have a pretty voice Y/n.” Just as my cheeks were coming back to normal they flamed red hot once more.

“Uh wow thanks James.” I reply.

“You can call me Bucky.” He responds and I felt honored I could. Steve and Sam were about the only two that could in this place.

“Well Bucky. You wanna throw some knives with me or stand there and look pretty?” The words came out of my mouth before I could really think about them. This grin pulls on his lips at my statement.

“Hate to show you up. I shouldn’t deny a beautiful lady like yourself though.” He replies and starts walking towards me. I lick my lips as I watch him heading my way. The moment he gets close enough he easily towered over me. I watch him look down at my body his eyes snuck their way to my chest for just a split moment. I still caught it though. I break the connection and make my way to retrieve my knives sticking into the targets. Bucky casually goes to the wall of weapons and picks the ones he wants.

Once I come back and stand next to him is when he begins throwing his. Each one he threw hit the middle target precisely. His intense focus was something that made the heat in my belly even hotter. His jaw was tense and the way his biceps would flex as he threw the dark metal. It was stunning. There was this thick tension in the air from the two of us. I believe both of us were wanting an itch to be scratched.

The gears in my head turn for ways to get him closer to me. Close enough he would touch me. When he goes to retrieve his knives I thought of something. I knew it would increase the tension in here to the max. Without hesitation I throw my knife directly past Bucky’s ear landing dead center of the target. It was centimeters away from hitting his hand. My aim was too good to actually touch him. His entire body stops dead in its tracks. He turns around slowly to face me. I’m standing there smirking. I had a very sadistic smile forming on my face.

“Do you real want to play that game?” Bucky asks daringly.

“Come on honey. You know I wouldn’t have hit you. I’m too good for that.” I was being downright playful with him. And maybe just a little to cocky.

“Let’s put that to the test then.” He stands directly in front of the target board. Just as he lines himself up I throw another knife in his direction. It lands directly above his head and it was so close im sure I snitched a piece of his dark hair. He didn’t flinch an inch from my actions.

“You know something that’s really hot? That a man can have, that is.” I spin the knife around in my hand as I sway on my hips. I never lost my eye contact with him. I was really testing my limits with him this time.

“Do enlighten me, doll.” He replies. I watch the way he licks his lips making me think of sinful things he could do with that tongue. The little pet name rang in my ear and he knew the effect it had on me.

“Fast reflexes.” I throw the knife aiming directly for his head. If anyone would catch it it would be him. I wouldn’t have thrown it if I knew he couldn’t. That’s what made this so fun. He easily catches the knife in his hand. The tip of the blade was pointed dead center of his forehead. I saw the subtle way his eyes turned to lust rather than rage. He knew what my intentions were in that moment. He flips the handle of the knife around and twirls it between his fingers. From here I could see his veins popping out in his strong hand. His metal hand shined in the light of this room. What I would do to have that metal touch me. The thought of how cool it would feel against my hot skin made goosebumps rise.

“You got some guts throwing that knife at me like that.” He says as he’s still twirling that knife around in his hand.

“Someone’s gotta put you in your place old man.” I playfully joke knowing that term would get him riled up easily.

He looks down at the floor and this time he has the sadistic smile forming on his face. “Someone needs to put you in your’s.” He uses the knife to point towards me.

The moment he locks his blue eyes with me I felt the words spilling out. “Then do it.” His body comes walking towards me like a man on a mission. He had one goal in mind and I was hoping we were on the same page with it. We become toe to toe and my head tilts up to meet his gaze.

“If you want me. All you have to do is ask.” I felt him place his metal hand against my waist. The contact made a shock go through my entire body. That’s when I felt the handle of the knife glide up to rest at the top of my chest. He rests it there waiting for my response. I don’t make a move or even place my hands on him yet.

“I don’t beg.” I reply back.

“Oh doll, I didn’t ask for you to beg. I asked if you want me. It’s a simple yes or no question.” He flips the knife around with the dull side against my skin. I felt him glide the knife up towards my neck very slowly. I keep my heart rate at a steady beat and do the best I can to show him he doesn’t have that much control over me. Even though he could have his way with me right now. He leans in pulling me to him by my waist. My chest collides with him in a split second. His lips go to the left side of my head directly next to my ear. “Yes or no.” He whispers into my ear and I felt my knees go weak. I know he saw the goosebumps form on my skin. He now had me where he wanted me.

I swallow hard before I answer. “Yes.” My words did not come out as strong as I wanted them to. He noticed the slight weakness. This time I could see the playfulness poking out of him. I felt him take the knife up towards my face. The pointed tip gets flipped around now. He gracefully pressed it against my bottom lip careful not to hurt me.

“Yes what?” He asks as he looks down at me now. He tucks a long piece of fly away behind my ear swiftly. His flesh hand cups my cheek and I lean into it instinctively. My tongue slides out and grazes across the metal in a seductive way. His eyes sparkle at the action. He removes the lethal weapon away from me and tosses it over his shoulder. It lands somewhere in the room.

“I want you.” I let the words fall out fast. I lean up on my tippy toes to reach his height. He meets me halfway to help and we put our lips together. I felt the burning sensation go through my entire body. He greedily slides his tongue on my bottom lip and I grant him access. My head spins at the feeling of us exploring.

Bucky brings his hands down to the back of my thighs. In one quick movement he tugs up letting me know to jump. The moment I do he hoists me up into his hold where my legs swing around his waist. Our lips never parted with all the movements. He carried me a few feet over to where the mirror was. My back pressed against it and the force of his body collided into mine. I suck in a deep breath from the feeling it gave me. The old man had more moves than I thought.

“That was smooth.” I whisper into the kiss and he huffs a laugh.

“I haven’t even gotten started yet.” He says and my stomach burns. Bucky begins placing kisses down my neck. Each one a little longer and he began to suck. I knew he was going to leave his mark on me. I let a low moan out when he sucks a spot on my collar bone. My hands now run through his hair tugging and scratching. I pulled him closer to me if it was possible. I wanted him to know his actions were very wanted.

His hands firmly grasp under my thighs again and he pulls away from the mirror wall. I securely link my arms further around his neck to get me stable. There was no way he was going to drop me no matter what I thought. I felt him sit down on a gym bench. It was leaning up so he had a back rest now. My legs simply straddled him giving me a lot more control. My hips grind into his groin very slowly and I got a good feel for him. Already so hard for me. He pulls back from my neck and looks directly at me. Our breathing was heavy and our hearts pounding.

“The amount of times I have thought about this. The way I feel right now doesn’t compare. You’re a dream.” I smile at his words. I let it slide that he pauses our moment.

“You’re unbelievably sexy.” I confess as I look at him. He had a little stubble around his chin and jaw. Only he could pull that look off. My fingers work their way down to the hem of his shirt. My hands slide under and my nails scratch up his torso. Lightly I trace the creases of his abs and watch the way he reacts. I could see his eyes trying to roll in the back of his head at the pleasure the action brought. He was trying to hide how bad he wanted me just the same way I was being.

I lift his shirt up and over his head tossing it in a random direction. I see the scars from his time in Hydra. This time he watches me to see how I react to his body. He was beautiful and the scars only made it better. I trace my fingers along his chest and torso some more enjoying all the exploring. My hands make their way down south to the zipper of his pants. I lock eyes with him and slowly pull the zipper down. With some help from him he rolls his pants down just enough he could break free. I hear him sigh out from no longer be restricted in the pants. I stand up for a moment and peel my spandex off quickly stepping out of them. He watches my every move with those steel blue eyes. My heart flutters the moment he extends his hands out pulling me back on top of him.

I bring his cock out from his boxers and I was instantly intimidated. I spit in my hand and bring it down to slowly rub him to start. The moment I began my sensual hand motion he moans. That sound alone was euphoric. Bucky places his lips on my shoulder as I rub him. He sucks another hickey and his breathing was increasing. I tilt up to align my entrance with him. With his help I glide my way down and he fills me up inch by inch. When I bottom out we were both releasing moans from just that feeling. I start to rock my hips once I get adjusted to his size.

His hands firmly grip my hips and forces them down on to him thrusting me harder on him. In a swift movement he brings his hands up under my bra line. He tugs it up taking it off and throwing it down. I was completely exposed to him and I never felt so good in my skin before. He looks at my body from top to bottom and make sure he doesn’t miss a spot.

“Gorgeous.” He says and it gives me more confidence. My hands now rest on his shoulders and I pick my pace up. I felt the burning coil ready to spring up from my high. His metal hand makes his way down from my neck. He pauses at my breast to give it some attention. His tongue laps around my nipple sending me into pure ecstasy. Then the cold metal goes to my wet center where his thumb now rubs my clit.

“Oh J-James. Right there.” I moan his name loudly from the new sensation. It only brought me closer.

“You like that baby?” His voice was raspy and deep. Something about saying his real name got him going. I try to pick my pace up so the friction would increase between us. With his thumb rubbing me and the way he filled me up made it challenging.

“Yes.” I say and it follows with a loud moan. He notices the way I slow down from exhaustion and starts to thrust himself up to meet me. It deepened himself into me making me see stars. He goes over to my other breast giving it equal treatment. The entire room was spinning from all the sensations. You could hear our moans bouncing off the walls of the training room.

“I’m so close.” Bucky pulls his mouth away from my chest to say. I bring my head down to rest between his neck and shoulders. My left hand was cupping the back of his head as it tangled in his now sweaty hair. The right was gripping his bicep very strongly. My small hands didn’t stand a chance from how wide they were.

“God James don’t stop.” I whine as he thrusts even deeper into me. My heart pounds and I knew I was right there. His cold metal thumb continues to rubs circles and it completely sends me over the edge. I moan loudly into his neck and felt myself release. Just from the sound of my moans Bucky cums right after me. I felt him slow his thrusts as he rides out our highs.

“That was fun.” I say with a smile. I was still seeing a few stars as I lean back to look at his face.

“That was amazing.” He was still catching his breath. I carefully pull myself away from him and he lets out a huge breath from the overly sensitive nerves in his tip. I felt the emptiness from him no longer filling me up.

“Round two in the shower?” I ask him. He looks up at me quickly making sure he heard me right. I had that playful smile back on my face. “Or does the old man need a nap?” His mouth slightly falls slack and his tongue pokes out licking his lips. “If you keep teasing me with your tongue like that I’m going to lose it.” I let the words slip out and this time he smirks.

“I’ll show you what this tongue can do.” He replies and quickly I stand up. I take my bra and spandex and hold it in my hands. Bucky grabs his shirt and we practically run into the bathroom. The one we so happened to share. So you could imagine how high the sexual tension was between us when one of us accidentally came in on the other.

“I’m going to make you regret calling me an old man.” Bucky tells me as he backs me up against the wall of the shower. Hot water was coming down the stream and the air was already steamy. He licks a strip from the valley of my breasts up to my neck. I hold back the moan that so badly wanted to fall out.

He never made me regret a thing ; )

[what-the--curtains]

Alliance

Chapter 6 – The Extraction

(Mando x f!reader)

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Summary: The auction leads you to the child but the empire’s hot on your tail. With all hope lost you make a choice.

Notes: None (feel free to interact im unemployed and bored)!!!

Tw: (very brief) mentions of drugs/sex/alcohol/addiction, swearing

Words: 3.9 k

Tagged: @crazycookiecrumbles

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You walk through the damp street, you don’t know what this dress is made of but the dirt and grime caused by the recent rain seemed to simply bounce off it. The streets were jam-packed, somehow even busier than they were the night prior and as the two of you make your way towards the auction hall Din’s visor scans the crowd, making sure nothing seems out of place. He takes care to never be more than a few inches away from you, convincing himself it's in order to maintain appearances. After all he knew you were more than capable of handling yourself, and why else would he feel the need to be so close to you.

“You lost beautiful?” A youthful looking Falleen asks as she appears out of the shadows

“No.” Din replies, making himself visible at your side when she moves into the light.

“Well I’m sure you're very beautiful under that armour Mando, but I was talking to your friend here.The names Isi and I make a living helping people around the city” Din’s about to respond again when you interject.

“Actually Isi we do seem to have gotten ourselves a bit lost, we're here for the auction.”

“I’ve heard of it,” she says, staring down at her manicure. You look up at Din motioning for him to pay her which he does begrudgingly. Taking the credits she leads you through the city, stopping outside a building covered completely in reflective mirrors.

“Best of luck” Isi, says offering you her hand

“Thank you, for your discretion” taking it you slide her a few more credits and she leans back against the wall of the building watching as the two of you enter. Two men in tailored suits open the inner doors granting you access to a small closed off foyer, also covered in the one way glass. You hand your invitation to the man on the right, parting your lips ever so slightly and gaze up at him batting your eyelids ever so slightly. In your experience a touch of flirting went a long way, especially when it came to moving through security.

He smiles and looks from you, up to the Mandalorian then back down. Turning his head to look at his partner he chuckles slightly.

“He your boyfriend, or something?”

“Bodyguard” you emphasize.

“Makes sense” he murmurs loud enough for the two of you to hear.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” the modulated voice asks obviously aggravated.

“Never mind him, he’s just sensitive about the... you know ” you mime the outline of a helmet. The guard nods and lets you pass through placing his hand on the small of your back as you do causing you to cringe internally. Nothing worse than a stranger's hand where you didn’t want it. You glare back at the Mandalorian hoping your eyes would convey a message of ‘be cool’. A task he was about to accomplish when the second guard places a firm hand on his arm.“Leave the blaster Mando, there’s no weapons allowed.”

“He has no weapons” you interject, de-escalating the scene that was about to play out caused by the tremendous amount of male energy that was currently taking up the entire room.

“You’re right sorry ma’am, enjoy your evening” he says letting go of the Mandalorians arm allowing him to pass.

“Way to keep your cool, let’s try and get through the night without creating a scene” you say, slightly annoyed by whatever the hell he thought that display was going to achieve. Your anger disappears as you turn to an enormous room filled with people dressed to the nines in the finest the galaxy had to offer. Chandeliers dripping in diamonds hung down from the high ceilings illuminating the room like a sky full of stars and casting a rose gold hue across the occupants moving about the ballroom floor which seemed to sparkle underneath the high heels.

Servers moved seamlessly throughout the crowd; they were all dressed in lavish costumes, depicting various fashions from across space and time. The trays they carry are filled with multicolor foods and gem-coloured drinks. You’d never seen anything so opulent in your entire life. You’d noticed that servers would pair off with guests and disappear returning later with a look that could only be chalked up to exceptional sex or spice, both of which resulted in a similar glazed over and dewy look. A Darthomorian in a low cut red dress approaches you offering you a drink, you smile and thank them.

“I wouldn’t if I were you.” The modulator speaks up, as you bring the drink to your lips.

“Why? I might as well enjoy the lifestyles of the rich and dangerous while I’m here” you snap, apparently you were still upset at him.

“It has love wallop in it, makes the drinker more suggestible to certain propositions usually sent over by someone who wants to.” His voice trails off.

“Ew” you say pulling a face before dumping it in a nearby plant. “Guess I’m safer going to the bar.” You swirl your new, drug free, drink around and rest your elbows down on a nearby table, hoping the auction would begin shortly.

“How did you know what was in that drink.” You ask in an attempt to help pass the time.

“They show up at these kinds of things, so does spice and other illegal substances.”

“Once again how do you know about this? You spent a lot of time around illegal substances? I didn’t think it would be your scene.” you say taking a sip of the ruby coloured drink you had ordered.

“I’ve brought a lot of dealers over the years. It also crossed my path in my...” He pauses before continuing reluctantly “ wilder days.”

“Wilder days hey? Love to hear about those sometimes. You sample the product?” you probe, he gives you an unmistakable look of disappointment “Maybe you should, might help chill you out a bit.” You joke.

“That would go against my creed and fundamental belief system. Spice is...”

“Highly addictive, ya I know , it was a joke.” You say shaking your head, why did he have to be so high and mighty all the time.

“You’ve had it?” he seems surprised by this news, you hoped it wouldn’t change his opinion of you, the two of you had been getting on pretty well of late and you’d hate to jeopardize that.

“You gonna arrest me?” you joke nervously, hoping he didn’t notice how much his response mattered to you.

“No, just… how the hell did you stop? Are you okay to even be here, it's everywhere” was it disappointment or concern you picked up in his voice, you couldn’t quite discern between the two.

“I’ll be fine just tell me if it’s in anything I’m about to put into my body. And knock me out if you see me going for it” Diverting from the conversation you lift up a piece of food and show it to the Mandalorian who lets you know it’s safe to eat.

“Holy shit this is good!” you exclaim, looking around for where the waitress had gone

“Can you feel him?.” Din asks drawing your attention back to the reason why you were here in the first place.

“Too many people, I’ve already disrupted the force once I don’t want to do it again so quickly someone might notice. We’ll have to wait for the first item and follow whoever brings it out.” Just then a woman in a slinky red dress appears with some kind of an egg on a pillow and steps up onto the stage where an Ishi Tib drones out the rules and regulations for bidding.

“Is that an Kadri’Ra egg.” you ask in amazement.

“Looks like it”

“I thought they were extinct” you say still in awe

“Guess not” he replies, his shortness had become increasingly apparent over the course of the evening.

“We’ll get the kid soon, don’t worry, he has to be here.” You reassure, looking up at him causing him to look away. As the woman passes back through the crowd the two of you turn in tandem and follow her until you reach the back of the room. You stop and place your back against the wall, craning your neck you look to see which hallway the woman had disappeared down. You turn back quickly as another woman in similar garb appears out the largest of the hallways, carrying a cape made from an ice dragon pelt. As she moves towards the stage the two of you enter where she had exited. You move through the wide hallway until you reach the end, where a large metal door prevents you from moving any further.

“Should have about 15 minutes before the next one comes out.” You say stopping a few feet from the door. “you think anyone’s in...” you're almost done your sentence when you hear footsteps approaching from behind you.

Before you can make sense of what's happening the Mandalorian has pulled you into a thin hallway off shoot by the nook of your elbow. You’re now face to face with his chest and suddenly very aware of how tall he was.

“Where’s the other half of the item, seriously were two in and I’m looking like a fool up there!” an Arkanian, who you assume must be the collector and the host of the party, exclaims. You see them do a double take to where you're currently hiding, and watch as they begin to move towards the hallway.

“Can you pick me up?” you whisper urgently,

“Yes, but…”

“do it now” he complies with your order, as he does you wrap your legs around the armour covering his hips and prop your back against the wall, draping your arms loosely over his shoulders before burying your head in the part of his neck bare from armour, hoping that the compromising position would be enough to deter the collector rom asking any question. Out of the corner of your eye you watch as the presenter takes note of the two of you. Raising their eyebrows they turn and move back to the door.

“Yes that’s it, get it out there now so the bidding can begin, gods it’s hard to find good help these days.” they exclaim turning and following behind the presenter with the newly acquired artifact. You let out a sigh of relief removing your face from his neck quickly realizing that your nose is just millimetres away from his helmet.

“You can put me down now” you whisper breathlessly, for a reason you couldn’t quite explain. You take note of the slight hesitation that precedes him dropping you. Gathering yourself you exit the hallway and reposition yourself in front of the large metal door. You can’t see a panel on it or a key slot, it must only be accessible from the inside looking up, you spot a window.

“Give me a boost” you say, and he obliges. You lift the hem of your outfit and step onto his interlocked hands which he uses to push you up enabling you to reach the ledge. Pulling yourself up you roll through the window and drop down onto the rooms floor alerting the person in charge of handing out the auction items. You knock him out and swipe his key card using it to open the door for Din.

“This way” you say, dragging the handler's body over to a nearby post and tying him to it. Standing up you turn to see hundreds of items up for auction varying from Millaflower to a juvenile varactyl.

“Do you see him?” you ask, picking up a vial of what you recognized as death stick placing it back down when you hear him respond.

“No” you think you hear his voice break. “Wait.” he says, walking up to another, smaller closed off room placing a gloved hand on the door. He draws his blaster aiming for the lock. You lower his hand hoping to prevent a beam bouncing around the room subsequently giving you away. You lift up the key card you’d swiped from the guy in the room and use it to open up the door. He moves towards the oval container floating in the middle of the room and drops down to one knee as you watch tentatively from the door. Pushing a button the oval opens up and a tiny green three fingered hand reaches up for him. You hear a slight gurgle as the second hand comes up making a grabbing motion. Din picks up what has to be the most adorable creature you’ve ever seen.

“Told you I’d get you back didn’t I” he chuckles, you can hear the smile in voice as he hands the kid the small silver ball. You approach cautiously until you're standing beside him.

“Well fair enough I get why you traded me in for him” you say offering the child your finger which he grabs happily, looking up at you.

“ You two know each other or something?” He asks, his helmet staring up at you.

“Must be a force thing” you say, smiling down at the little critter.

“We have to go” you say, closing the egg hoping it would buy enough time to make a swift exit. With the child wrapped neatly under his arm the two of you move swiftly through the back alleys in darkness.

“Well that went better than I…” almost as if on cue, your speech is interrupted by the sound of blasters ricocheting off the ship's metal exterior. He hands you the child and rushes up to the cockpit to prepare for take-off.

“Brace yourself” he shouts down and you grab onto the overhanging bars with one hand and secure the child with your other, pressing your thigh against a beam in an attempt to stabilize yourself. As the ship lifts off the ground you hear the sounds of even more blaster bullets hitting its side.

“Din!” you yell up from below

“I’m working on it!” he shouts back down. A few moments later he manages to get the ship out of the reach of the blasters, punching it as he exits the stratosphere. A distinct beeping sound rings throughout the ship indicating there was a problem that needed fixing sooner rather than later. You ungrip your hands from the bars and check on the child who seems completely unaware of the situation. Using your free hand you pull yourself up to the cockpit where a disgruntled Mandalorian was cursing under his breath. You place the child down in the back seat buckling him in before taking your own.

“How far can we make it without stopping.” You ask after a long enough time had elapsed for the Mandalorian to calm down

“Far enough to be safe, I hope.” Turning to the side you see the kid sleepily closing its eyes.

“Could you put him to bed? I have to deal with this.” He says gesturing to the entire dashboard which was currently lit up like a tree on life day.

“Of course” you say, you were completely taken with the child, and more than happy to spend time with it.

“Alright where does he keep your bed then.” You say opening up a few compartments until you find the sleeping quarters. Opening the doors Anya’s head looks over to you evidently having slept through the whole ordeal comfortably on the bed. It was decent sized compared to most ship beds but still small especially for someone of Dins stature. Above it was a small hammock like contraption which you assumed was where the child, who was now more awake than asleep, slept.

“You need to rest.” You say softly, but he keeps staring up at you and grabbing at your hair. “C’mon you going to get me in trouble, with the guy upstairs” you smile down at him as he coos slightly. “Well I know one thing that used to help me sleep when I was about your size” You start to sing softly to the creature stroking one of its long ears as you do until it's fallen asleep. Unbeknownst to you the Mandalorian had heard you singing and followed the sound downstairs watching you and the child from afar.

“Mesh’la” he says louder than intended, causing you to turn around.

“He’s just asleep now,” you whisper, handing him to the Mandalorian so he can put him up top. You watch as he tucks the kid in gently squeezing one of its feet before turning back to quietly return to the cockpit.

“Did you say something down there?” you ask, sitting back in the co-pilot seat.

“No,well, yes I was just wondering what the sound was. I’d never heard something like it before.”

“What a lullaby. Didn’t have many of those growing up at the convent?” you ask, always slightly surprised by any personal information the Mandalorian revealed to you.

“No, at least none I can remember. What are they used for?”

“You’ve heard songs before though.”

“Yes, I heard some on Vryssa.”

“ Well Vryssa is home to many a folk song, helps people forget where they are. A lullaby is a song, often sung to a child to help them sleep.” You explain.

“What were you singing about.” He asks

“Ones was about a hanging that happened in Vryssa, told the story of two lovers planning to meet there”

“Doesn’t seem suitable for a child”

“No but I assume he doesn't speak English and lullaby is more about the melody than the words, the second was one passed down from my grandmother about the meadows of her home planet.”

“Where was she from your grandmother?” he asks.

“She never told me a name, only descriptions.”

“Maybe you’ll get to see it one day.”

“Ya maybe, if you and this kid don’t get me killed first.” you laugh, only partially kidding.

“Grogu.”

“Bless you?”

“The kids name, it’s Grogu.” he chuckled softly glancing over at you, still thinking about the way you had looked with him in your arms, singing softly.

After a while the beeping increases to a point where landing was no longer a task that could be put off. You step out onto a stone covered surface stretching out your legs and breathing in the remarkably fresh air.

“Think we lost them” you state, bending down and placing a palm on the smooth, cool moss covered stones. You stand back up and turn around watching as the Mandalorian exits the ship with a tool kit in hand and Anya and Grogu in pursuit. The kid follows Din over to where the damage is opting to stare up at him as he works, seemingly not wanting to be apart from him ever again.

“It's just one of the stabilizers, an easy fix we should be good to go soon!” He shouts over to you

“Anything I can do to help?” You offer

“No, It's a one person job. Thank you” With that you head off curious in exploration of the planet. It's old, empty, you wonder if anyone had ever been here before you. It wasn’t very livable, no trees, no food, no water, a truly desolate place. Yet it possessed a charm unique to planets of old, untouched by the reach of the empire, the republic and everything in between. You peer back over your shoulder, Anya’s sat protectively near the child who's still watching the Mandalorian rattle around the ship. You turn your head back as he closes up, not wanting to get caught staring. He picks up Grogu and re-enters the ship with Anya following close behind. You're about to join them when you feel something approaching. You begin to walk further from the ship and closer towards the presence you were feeling, stopping in your tracks when you see a triangular ship approaching. It's large, too big to be from any crime lord.

“It’s imperial” you hear a voice yell from afar as the Mandalorian makes his way towards you.

“Well never outrun them” you whisper, your brain running through the possible scenarios.

“We have to go”

``We'll never outrun them” you say louder and firmer this time, it didn't take an android to figure out what your probability of success was.

“We don’t have time to argue about this” he grabs your arm, but you pull it free turning to face him.

“Go” The words leave your mouth before you can process what you're saying. He doesn’t move. You can hear the ship approaching inching closer.

“Take them and leave, you have to protect them, keep them safe.” he was right you didn't have time to argue about this.

“Not without you.” he says refusing to move.

“Go!” you say shoving him “Now!”

“I'm not leaving you here”

“Yes you are, the kid he’s all that matters right now, go before he’s taken again. Now!”

“Just come with us” he pleads

“We won’t make it. You know we won't. This isn’t a negotiation. Go I’ll give you as much time as I can.” You see him finally accept the fact that this was in the only way.

“Here, take this” he says, giving you his blaster before turning and starting back towards the ship. He stops turning around one last time.

“(y/n) I…”

“I know” you say, using the force to throw him back towards the ship before turning to face the imperial ship which has landed a hundred yards in front of you.

Dialing up the ship Din takes note of the imperial model hoping he’d be able to find it again. As the troopers march out he sees you look back at him nodding your head as if to say you’ll be fine.You clear your mind breathing in the cool air. Closing your eyes you kneel on the ground placing one hand on the stone and the other on the blaster at your side. You can hear the ship taking off behind you as the troopers take aim firing at them from below, but the shots rebound off the force field that you’ve created.

You hold your ground as the troopers move in towards you determined to protect those inside the ship. Din watches as the blaster shots rebound back into the crowd of troopers. With one last look he jumps the ship into hyperspeed. He moves it into auto pilot and throws his head back in frustration as he hears Grogu cry out. “I know. Well get her back, but we're going to need some help” He says, picking up the kid holding him on his lap as he punches in the coordinates of a familiar planet. You drop the force field and begin firing when you hear the ship jump into hyperspace taking out as many troopers as you can before the blaster runs out. In one last ditch effort you throw it at a stormtrooper knocking it out. Slowly raise your hands in the air. They take aim. You prepare yourself.

“Wait! Don’t shoot” a tall man, dressed in all black says as the crowd of troopers part in his wake.

“We may not need the child after all.”

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Drama CD Flower and Oni Translation

First post of the month! so as always, I’ll once again start by asking you to please support me if you can either on ko-fi, through paypal or patreon  for access to my blog post translations or just to support me (current special access is my translation of the seventh Saito Ginsei no Shou chater)... also let me know if you have any hakuoki drama cds that you’d be willing to share that are on my looking for list since i either do not have audio for those cds or do not have audio that i can share... 

btw, was there an image of the sky in SSL that matches the one here? sorta want it for something but can’t exactly remember if it was in the game cuz i haven’t picked up my vita in a long while since i screwed mine up....

also, to whom it may it concern: 中秋快乐! slightly delayed tho lol.

Anyway, this is my translation of the Hakuoki MesseSanoh store exclusive drama cd  - Flower and Oni “花と鬼.”

one of the dramas i found back in june... at the time, i coincidentally obtained CH translations of all the other Tokuten cds that were released with the ps2 Hakuoki Shinsengumi Kitan game (based on info from tokio-fujita’s drama cd livejournal page). no idea when i’ll get to those.... since all the ones that haven’t been translated yet are +10min long (i did somehow manage to obtain the audio for all of them months before i got the CH tls for em).

Also, there was one sentence missing in the tl for this. had the translation of it commissioned from @jokertrap-ran​. left that text in bold.

enjoy~ final edits will be done when i do a video for it (i’m 90% sure the sighs/laughter and other misc sounds weren’t translated properly in the text i found but oh well).

Hakuoki MesseSanoh Store Exclusive Drama CD Flower and Oni

Translation by KumoriYami

Kondou: Hah......to be able to relax on the porch/corridor/veranda while enjoying the flowers, it really is nice.

Souji: Areh? Kondou-san? What are you doing over here?

Kondou: Oh, Souji, do you want a cup of tea? Come, sit here.

Souji: Are you appreciating the flowers right now?

Kondou: Although there are assignments, and despite how every day is recently bloody [reword later], it's really nice to be able to appreciate the flowers like this once in a while

Souji: It's really nice, the sun is warming and shining brightly, and the blooming sakura are beautiful.

Kondou: Yes

Souji: Nn, it's really nice [says comfortable/feeling well].

Kondou: haha, Souji, have another cup of tea.

(footsteps)

Souji: I won't be polite then.

Kondou: Nn, those footsteps are quite noisy.

Souji: Those footsteps, they're Hijikata-san's.

Hijikata: Really, everyone is like this......

Souji: Look, I guessed correctly.

Kondou: haha, that's really amazing.

Hijikata: What, it if isn't Kondou-san and Souji.

Kondou: You don't look that happy, Toshi, come have a cup of tea.

Hijikata: You two are really relaxed, to be drinking tea while enjoying the flowers. 

Souji: I think this is better than drinking, or it because we're not having sake that you're angry?

Hijikata: Kondou-san, this concerns the warriors who recently joined our ranks.

Kondou: Ah, it seems that a lot of people have gathered, so the Shinsengumi will get better and better in the future.

Hijikata: If only if that were the case.

Kondou: Nn, what's the problem?

Hijikata: I was training the new members just now. Although it's good there are many new recruits [says volunteers. if audio doesn't have xin in it, i'll change it to interested volunteers], a lot of them are lazy and completely useless, few of them can be used/can be put to use.

Souji: Isn't it your job to train them? Vice-commander Hijikata. [check for -san]

Hijikata: Souji don't just relax and drink tea, you should be training them with me. 

Souji: No/Don't wanna.

Hijikata: What?! For what reason?

Souji: Because I'm resting right now.

Hijikata: It doesn't matter if you are or aren't resting. If the executives don't take the lead, what is to be done? tell me [answer me]!

Souji: Really. Here we go again. It's because you take these arbitrary and out of place actions, that everyone gets annoyed [more literally: bored].

Hijkata: Oh, who's fed up with me [then]? I'll ask you to give me their names.

Souji: You didn't notice? Hijikata-san, you're unexpectedly slow.

Hijikata: Hey, I say [literal translation. i'm assuming this is more along the lines of 'say that again!']

Kondou: Come on, come on [im guessing the audio is 'ma, ma'], you two should let it be. Come, calm down and and look at the sakura......

Hijikata: don't say anything else Kondou-san, this is Souji's and my problem.

Souji: Sorry, Kondou-san, I don't want to bother you, you can look [at them] by yourself.

Kondou: Ah, is that so?

Souji: I've wonder, but is Hijikata-san's way of doing things really okay?

Hijikata: What? Souji. Do you have a problem/complaints with me? [Or] are you looking down on me/[Or it] just that you hate me?

Kondou:  What am I, your nanny!?

[will probably change that to ‘what are you, his nanny?’ for language flow]

Souji: No/That's not it? Anyway, I'm still the First Division Captain of the Shinsengumi.

Hijikata: If you're a captain, you should act like one, and take care of the team members.

Souji: I have taken care of it [that].

Kondou: To be fighting in front of beautiful flowers...... really what a headache. As a warrior/samurai, how can you not enjoy the cherry blossoms?!

Hijikata: What is there to look at/see, it's because of this that I work so hard.

Souji: You're not happy/Are you upset? I thought Hijikata-san was quite willing/happy to do this.

Hijikata: What?!

Kondou: Oh, right, I've thought of something good, both of you listen. As the chief of the Shinsengumi, I have a proposal.

Hijikata: What?

Souji: What?

Kondou: In order to promote friendlier relations within the team members, how about holding a hanami/sakura viewing party?

Hijikata: Kondou-san, do you know what time it is right now?

Souji: I approve/support that. I think that that the team members will improve after those that don't know each other are able to deepen their friendship.

Kondou: Nn, thats it/like that, I also wanted to say that.

Souji: That's just like Kondou-san, you're different from a certain someone who is difficult to deal with.

Hijikata: Souji, say that again!

Souji: What?

Hijikata: well, i finally understand. compared to those new guys, souji, you're the one that's useless.

Souji: If yo're too harsh, the new recruits will run away. Hijikata-san, drink some tea and calm down.

Hijikata: You!

Kondou: Toshi, take a teacup and quickly drink.

Hijikata: Ah.

Souji: then i should probably go back to training.

Kondou: You're going, Souji?

Souji: Yes, Kondou-san. But, don't let everyone run away from the training grounds again. [tho that's an accurate tl, i'm guess this should be more among the lines of "But I can't help it/it's not my fault if everyone runs away from the training grounds again/ But make sure that no one runs away from the training grounds again]

Kondou: Oh?

Souji: they all ran away as soon as they saw my face Why is that?

Hijikata: That's because you're way of teaching is extremely bad. Really, your swordsmanship is better than everyone else's/you are one of the best swordsmen, but why are you so incapable? Listen Kondou-san, rather than training other people, this guy loves fighting way more. Everyone was beaten to the point where they could't get up off the ground.

Kondou: Then it's understandable for why the team members are unwilling.

Souji: Ahaha, to speak of being gentle, I really didn't expect those words from the demon vice-commander.

Kondou: What, in fact Toshi is a very gentle man, right, Toshi?

Hijikata: Hn, who knows.

Kondou: That's how it is, be gentle to everyone.

Souji: Yes yes, but, i've really been gentle with everyone. Then I'll be going. Kondou-san, thank you for your hospitality.

Kondou: Ah, I'll be counting on you [tl literally: please requesting you. check audio]

Souji: Yes.

(souji walks away)

Hijikata: Hah, well, never mind that guy.

Kondou: Do you want another cup of tea?

HIjikaa: Ah, another cup.

Kondou: Then I'll have another as well.

Hijikata: Souji's way of teaching is extremely rough/cruel, so it's unclear if he's actually training other people, or using them for himself to practice.

Kondou: That's because he takes what he does for granted/his success for granted, which is why it's impossible for him to understand those who are unable to.

Hijikata: That guy is still a child, he sticks his foot into everything, but always gets bored immediately after.

Kondou: You don't quite understand souji.

Hijikata: everyone will probably run away again [?].

Kondou: If you're worried, you should go and see.

Hijikata: Eh, there's nothing to be done about that/no way around it then, I'll be going then/I'll be going.

Kondou: I'll go too.

Hijikata: No need, Kondou-san you should just stay here and relax.

Kondou: Nn?

Hijikata: It's because you're the face of the Shinsengumi. The trivial matters of the troop, it's best for you not to be involved in them at all, I'll deal with everything.

Kondou: Nn, is that so? I'm sorry.

Hijikata: the tea was verry good. Then I'll see you later.

(hijikata leaves)

Kondou:　Oh. It seems that the beauty of sakura has no effect on an oni. Heh. Good grief.

　 Hijikata Toshizou, Miki Shin'ichirō Okita Souji, Morikubo Shōtaro  Shōtarō Kondou Isami, Ōkawa Tōru

----

image from suruga-ya.

[marshmallow-phd]

Charming Instruction

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Supernatural, Wolf Au

Pairing: Junmyeon x Reader

Summary: You were just an average, everyday college student desperately trying to graduate. Only one more year stood between you and that celebratory walk. However, due to an oversight by your adviser, it seemed that the one class you never wanted to take was required to take that walk. It wasn’t the subject matter that made you uncomfortable. It was the teacher. Your heart sped up every time you saw him and you didn’t want that distraction in your life, attractive or not. With meeting him now an inevitability, you swore that you would keep your hormones in check. But after your first day of class, a series of hi jinks and weird situations lead you to discovering the secret of your professor and why he seemed to bombard your every thought.

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I Final

**

Junmyeon didn’t lead you too far into the woods. He stuck to the tree line, pulling you in close once he was leaning up against a sizable trunk that kept you somewhat hidden from the house. Hands resting on your hips, he leaned his forehead on yours and sighed deeply.

You could tell he was still stressing over the meeting. Perhaps he was expecting more concern and questioning from the pack rather than the nonchalant reception that was bestowed upon him instead. While you didn’t know the boys all that well, they all seemed to give off that carefree vibe, which was possibly be the bane of Junmyeon’s existence, if you had to guess. But that probably just came with the territory of being a leader. And being the mate of the leader, you figured it was your job to help him stop worrying.

“Just give them a little time,” you reassured him as you rubbed his arms. “Soon, they’ll take it more seriously. It’s just because the information is so vague at this time, they don’t know what to be cautious of. So, they blow it off rather than stressing about something they have no control over.”

Junmyeon pouted, squeezing your sides. “Then why am I stressing about it?”

“Well, I don’t know too much about werewolf pack dynamics….” You scrunched your face mischievously, “But I’m pretty sure it has to do with the fact that you’re the leader and it’s kind of your job to worry over every little thing.”

“I do not worry about every little thing,” he protested.

This was coming from the same person who didn’t tell you the truth about the connection between the two of you because he was overthinking on whether or not you would hightail it out of here and leave him in the dust. Granted, you didn’t give him much hope for any other outcome, but still.

You held your thumb and index finger up, leaving a minuscule amount of space in between. “You do. Just a little bit.”

Junmyeon opened his mouth to argue, but then closed it, sighing heavily. “Okay. Maybe a little. But someone has to worry about these things or else we’ll all be doomed.”

“Well, then I guess it’s a good thing that you’re the leader instead of one of the others.”

He let out a short laugh. “Well, me and Kris. And it was nice that he-”

A little over the current discussion, you simply pressed your lips against Junmyeon’s for a quick kiss to stop his talking. Well, it was supposed to be a quick kiss.

Catching the back of your neck with his hand before you could pull away, Junmyeon deepened the display of affection, taking full advantage of the isolation. Under your palms that were resting on his chest, you could feel his content purr vibrating both you and him. The sensation made you giggle. Junmyeon broke off the kiss at the sound.

“What’s so funny?” he murmured, frowning at you.

“You’re like a cat,” you chuckled. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say.

Junmyeon scoffed, the corners of his mouth turning up in astonishment. His eyes turned back to you, “Do you realize how insulting that is?”

“Um, sorry?” you snorted. He did not find it as funny. “It’s not my fault! You were purring!”

“I was happy! I can’t control it!” he whined.

You rolled your eyes. “I was just saying that it was cute!”

“Hardly the word I want to hear in the middle of kissing you,” he grumbled.

Stepping back, you crossed your arms, just staring at him. He kept pouting, just making him even cuter.

It was ridiculous. The big alpha wolf wanted to be seen as anything but cute. But he made it hard with that fluffy brown hair, puckered lips, and big, round brown eyes gazing at you. You almost wanted to snap a picture of it, but that didn’t feel appropriate in the moment. Honestly, it felt silly, him taking offense to that four letter word, but it wasn’t worth starting an argument.

You threw your hands up. “Okay. Fine. I won’t call you cute anymore. Never again. I will purge that word from my vocabulary unless I’m talking about a puppy or small child.”

Junmyeon’s eyebrows shot up to nearly his hairline. “I didn’t say that.”

Narrowing your eyes and smirking, you teased, “So, you do want me to call you cute?”

He shrugged, hands in his pockets. “I wouldn’t mind it under certain circumstances. Just not when I’m kissing you. Because that makes me want to show you exactly how not ‘cute’ I can be.”

Now that kind of had you taken back. “Are you sure you’re a college professor? Because you are acting a bit more more like a college boy right now.”

With a predatory gleam in those russet eyes, Junmyeon stalked towards you. Instinctively, you stumbled back until your back hit a tree, the curved edges of the bark piercing your shoulder blades.

Your breath quicken and you couldn’t stop the audible gulp in your throat from how much like a wolf he being. That reaction seemed to just egg Junmyeon on. He didn’t stop until the space between you was completely gone, a hand on each side of your hip to keep you in place. His lips were right against your ear as he whispered, “I’m only a professor on campus.”

Oh, that’s not good.

Junmyeon nibbled at your ear before moving down to your neck. You giggled anxiously. He’d never gone this far before. What really made you nervous was the fact that you didn’t want to stop.

“Junmyeon! Junmyeon, are you out here?!”

Junmyeon growled, slamming a fist into the bark above your head. “Oh, for crying out loud.”

You snorted, covering your mouth when Junmyeon shot you a look.

Chanyeol and Jongin came running through the trees. You straightened up, hoping that there was no evidence of what you and Junmyeon were doing left on your face.

“What is it?” Junmyeon asked grumpily. You could tell he was trying to remain calm and not be irritated at the boys in case it was a real emergency.

“Sorry to barge in,” Jongin actually looked really guilty, which made you want this whole thing end even quicker, “but no one can find Tao. Did he run past here?”

Junmyeon shook his head. “No, we haven’t. Why?”

“No one can find him,” Chanyeol explained. “He stormed off after the meeting. He seemed really pissed.”

“That’s not good.” Junmyeon ran a hand through his hair before glancing at you. Turning back to the other wolves, he asked, “Did you see what direction he took off in?”

“He went out the front door,” Jongin replied.  

“So, you think he went into town?” Junmyeon guessed.

Chanyeol shrugged. “Maybe? And you know Tao when he’s mad. He doesn’t really have the best control.”

“Alright.”

You could see how reluctant Junmyeon was to be the leader, to go after his wayward member, but it was an instinct that he couldn’t ignore.

“I guess I’ll go track him down,” Junmyeon sighed.

“I need to go back into town anyway,” you inserted. Maybe if you were the one to take him, he’d be less pouty about it.

“Luhan wants to go with you,” Chanyeol added. “Said if anything, he can drag Tao to the empty bar while he does opening work.”

Junmyeon nodded. “Okay, then. Let’s go.”

The four of you headed inside, grabbing Luhan before splitting off and going back outside to your car.

It wasn’t a very chatty car ride. Luhan stayed quiet in the back seat while Junmyeon held your hand from the passenger’s seat. He made random comments about the area’s history or how the road needed repaving every once in a while.

Apparently, Tao preferred to hang out downtown, so that’s where you dropped the two wolves off. You told Junmyeon that he could find you at the museum once he was done. When he questioned why you would go there, you simply shrugged and said to kill time.

That wasn’t entirely a lie. You really did like to spend free time at the museum, wandering around and trying to find new pieces to memorize.

But today you had a little mission.

Even though Junmyeon said he’d already gone through the little book of his family’s history, you thought that maybe a fresh pair of eyes could pick up some new clues.

Mrs. Kang wasn’t surprised to see you at all when she saw you in the main lobby. Junmyeon had told you earlier in the week that he had you added to the very limited list of people with access to the back room. Mrs. Kang handed you a key card with no hesitation and left you to go on your merry way. Getting a pair of cotton gloves from the supply closet, you buckled yourself down at the table in Junmyeon’s secret room after carefully taking out the book from its resting place.

You flipped through the pages slowly, gliding your eyes over the heavily faded words. Some paragraphs were almost completely illegible from the old ink wearing away with age. One particularly worn page caught your eye about halfway through the book. The edges were particularly feathered and torn, giving you the impression that this page’s contents were immensely important in the past. Almost all the writing was gone on the pages, but certain words you were able to make out.

Enemies.

Beware.

Hunted.

Future encounters.

Bingo.

At the very bottom of the page, underneath the missing information was a familiar looking symbol still present enough to make out. It was a circle overlapping three points. That could be the clue you were looking for in order to keep the pack - Junmyeon’s family - safe. But where did you take it from here?

Junmyeon came to the museum about forty-five minutes later, finding you in the “caveman” section, as Cam liked to describe it.

“Finding anything new and interesting?” he teased as he came up behind you, encircling his arms around your waist.

You shrugged lazily. “Perhaps. Did you find Tao?”

Junmyeon scoffed. “Yeah, he’s been found. But he’d ran off in the forest, not to town. Apparently, he just ran in a different direction than where we were.”

“Poor leader.” You turned around in his arms, linking your own around his neck. “It’s so hard being you.”

That just made him roll his eyes. “You’re so mean to me.”

You motioned to exit with your head. “Come on. Since I’m so mean, dinner’s on me.”

Junmyeon made his impressed face, the kind he made when a student in class gave him an answer he wasn’t expecting. “I like that idea. And I think I know just the place.”

**

Triquetragirl49: I’m glad that the new article helped!

Archaeology4life: It was a great read! Thank you!

Triquetragirl49: How’s the paper coming?

Archaeology4life: Not too bad! Teacher’s a hardass, though. Lol

Triquetragirl49: Well, hopefully he’ll at least enjoy your paper on irish werewolves.

Archaeology4life: Fingers crossed! If I don’t get an A, I might have to complain to the dean. Jk

Triquetragirl49: Remind me again why you were focusing on that subject?

Archaeology4life: I just came across something about werewolves and a connection to the triquetra in some research. I was surprised that they were both related to protection.

Triquetragirl49: Kind of related. Werewolves were still considered dangerous and best for everyone to stay away from them.

Triquetragirl49: At least, according to the legends, that is. Considering they’re not real!

Archaeology4life: I’m sure if wolves were real, they wouldn’t be dangerous.

Triquetragirl49: You never know. There’s a lot of scary stories out there lol.

Archaeology4life: Yeah… you’re right lol

Archaeology4life: Thank you again!

Triquetragirl49: Of course! Just let me know if you want to know anything else! I’ve enjoyed talking to you!

Archaeology4life: Same!

“What are you smiling at?”

You slammed the screen of your laptop shut just as Junmyeon slid into the empty space across from you in the breakfast booth. Since he had a department meeting this evening, you’d beaten him to the farmhouse and decided to kill some time by getting back in touch with your new internet friend.

Finding triquetagirl49 in a folklore chat room on a history website had been pure luck and she’d giving you so much information on how that old celtic symbol could be related to werewolves. It seemed more like a good thing, representing protection for both humans and wolves alike. You weren’t sure when you should share this information with Junmyeon or exactly how to present it, so you decided for now to just keep it to yourself for the time being.

“Funny article on The Mummy trilogy,” you lied smoothly.

He shook his head, laughing to himself. “You and those movies. Don’t you have them memorized by now?”

“Maybe,” you pouted. “We can watch something else, though, if you want. Or do something else. We don’t have to watch a movie.”

Junmyeon held out two hands, moving them up and down like a pair of scales. “Let’s see… hold my mate close on my bed while we watch her favorite movie or do something else that involves less intimate time and possibly run into someone else in the pack.” He gave you a pointed look. “I think movie wins.”

You beamed. “Good!” Hopping up, you started for the staircase. “Let’s go!”

Junmyeon laughed as he followed you up to his bedroom. By luck, a majority of the wolves were out and about with their mates on this beautiful friday night. Since you and your wolf still had to be careful about who saw you together, it was a night in for the pair of you. But you didn’t mind. In fact, you had been looking forward to it all week.

Jumping on the bed, you pushed yourself all the way up to the headboard while Junmyeon turned on the TV and readied the movie before heading into the bathroom. While you waited on him, you fluffed up the pillows to make yourself more comfortable.

When he emerged from the bathroom, you tried to keep your focus on the bright screen. Junmyeon had decided that it was completely appropriate to come out in just a pair of sweatpants. Just sweatpants. No shirt.

He was such a tease.

You made no protest as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in close to him. Leaning your head on his chest, you watched the movie for a good fifteen minutes or so until the scene with Rachel Weisz in the museum, knocking over the bookshelves and creating that cringe-worthy disaster came on the screen.

That’s when Junmyeon got a little restless.

At first, he was just playing with your fingers and planting kisses on your shoulder. Then he moved his lips up to your neck, tickling the sensitive skin. Out of reflex, you flinched into the kiss, closing off access from Junmyeon.

“It’s cute that you know every word,” he whispered. It was obvious that he cared nothing for the movie and he was just trying to distract you and maybe even give him all your attention instead.

Taking the bait, you turned to tell him to be quiet. Before one word could escape your lips, he’d captured them in his own. You never saw another minute of the movie, too preoccupied to pay it any mind.

Oh, well. There was always next time and your wolf needed your special attention.

[hybridequalist]

If you dont want to do this or if its not clear im sorry, but could you please do an eddy brock x sister reader where she broke into the lab and got her own symbiote (thats female? Granted idk how gender works for symbiotes just know most people refer to venom as male) and while eddy is freaking out shes totally calm + like "haha lol so this is happening now thats fun" and calls hers darling, sweetheart, love, etc. And is a major pacifist so they made a deal of no killing at day one, just fluff?

So I know this isn’t really what you asked for…but my brain just ran away with this. It’s looking to be 3 parts as it stands right now, so let me know if you’re interested in the rest or if you want me to try again.

My first request…*SQUEE*

    “When you asked me to help you with a ‘work thing’, I didn’t think we’d be breaking and entering.”

“It’s just to gather evidence. We’ll be in and out.”

    You rolled your eyes.

    “Edward Charles Allan Brock, that is a load of bull and you know it.”

    “It is not!” Eddie hissed at you, glancing worriedly at Doctor Skirth in the driver’s seat. “I just wanna expose Drake and that’s all.”

    “Like how you ‘just wanted’ to do a piece on Wilson Fisk’s paper trail back in New York?”

    “That was different!’

“As if!”

“We’ll be pulling up in a few minutes,” Doctor Skirth interrupted, glancing back at you and Eddie with undisguised anxiety. “Try ducking out of sight when we pass through the checkpoint, okay?”

You shot Eddie a look before jerking your head towards the trunk and unbuckling your seatbelt to roll under the backseat, willing yourself to become invisible.

This was not your first rodeo handling your brother and his many misadventures: you had grown up playing attorney for him whenever he got in trouble and honestly should have been paid for the number of close scrapes you’d gotten him out of. He’d promised when he moved in with you after the New York thing that he’d behave and for a while you’d believed him–especially after Anne hit the scene. But you should have known better: Eddie’s overwhelming sense of justice was his fatal flaw and was always bound to get him in trouble–and hurt those he loved in the process.

By some miracle, you all made it past the security checkpoint and into the main building without being spotted. You even got some nice backstory about alien creatures and a comet as the doctor lead you both from the parking lot and through the main building. But as the doctor was badging you and Eddie into the lab, someone called her name and you felt a spike of panic in your gut.

“Don’t touch anything!” were Doctor Skirth’s last words to the pair of you as you hurried into the laboratory.You hated that the second she said it, you immediately knew that your brother would be touching all the wrong things.

The lab was lit eerily blue, making it hard to see much aside from shadows of various unrecognizable scientific instruments. Eddie immediately took out his phone and began snapping pictures, leaving you to watch his back. You hardly breathed as you both walked past a wall of glass cages, some containing human figures. One of them caught your eye and you paused, looking at what seemed to be a mass of white, slimy tentacles. Somehow, you couldn’t take your eyes off it. It looked dead, but something about it–perhaps its alien shape or apparent lack of a real body–made you unable to cease staring. You felt at any moment it might twitch or give some sign of life…

A sudden thud jolted you from your trance and you whirled around to see that Eddie was as the far end of the hall, looking in horror as something clawed at the glass. He immediately reached towards the access panel on the door and you felt your heart drop into your shoes.

The alarms were immediate and the shift from the dark blue lights to vibrant reds left you covering your eyes instinctively. You faintly heard glass break and squinted just in time to see your brother tackled to the ground by a screeching figure with long, tangled hair.

“Eddie!” you screamed, sprinting towards him.

“Maria! Maria, stop!” you heard him crying out. You were only a few paces away when something large and black shot out from the attacker’s back, whipping around and launching you away. You felt your back slam against something initially solid that shattered out from behind you, the air driven from your body as you hit the floor. Something writhed underneath you and you lurched just enough to roll onto your side, finding yourself staring at the white-tentacled thing again. Except this time it was definitely moving.

You couldn’t scream–you were still trying to restart your lungs after crashing through the glass door. All you could do was watch as the slimy thing lashed out its tentacles, coiling around your wrist. The panic gave you enough adrenaline to push up onto your hands and knees, crawling away without a care as to how much glass laid around you. Most of the tendrils slipped off you as you flailed, but a few broke off the creature and coiled tighter, clinging desperately.

You heard footsteps through the screaming alarm and froze, whipping around to see shadowy figures rush into the lab.

HIDE!

You instinctively curled into a ball, hands clasping together behind your head. There was some shouting and then just as quickly as you’d heard them come in, you heard them leave, shouting something about “the asset” getting away.

GO QUIETLY!

You jumped to your feet and ran back out the way you’d come in, moving at top speed. Through the parking lot and straight out to the road, you didn’t let up on your wild sprint until you dropped to your knees, out of breath on the sidewalk.

WE NEED TO KEEP RUNNING!

In a minute. When I’m not going to vomit.

Remembering all your PE lessons from High School, you put your hands behind your head and shakily got to your feet, trying to focus on inhaling through your nose. When your heartbeat settled and the taste of bile retreated you heaved a heavy sigh. And then panic seized you.

“Eddie,” you breathed. “Oh no. Oh please…don’t be dead…”

EDDIE WILL BE FINE. HE HAS HELP.

You whirled around, looking for whoever had spoken, but aside from distant headlights there were no signs of anyone.

PLEASE DON’T PANIC. YOUR HEART RATE JUST SPIKED DANGEROUSLY HIGH.

Same voice. Slight echo. Feminine. And it definitely wasn’t coming from somewhere around you.

“…who are you?” you whispered. “Are you inside my head?”

IN A SENSE. AS FOR MY IDENTITY…I AM UNSURE. I’M…NEW.

“Then what are you?”

ALIEN. BROUGHT HERE BY THE HUMANS. I…I WAS NEAR DEATH. HOST-LESS. STARVING. THEN YOU CAME. OLD SELF TRIED TO GRAB HOLD. I AM THE PIECE THAT MANAGED TO STAY, MANAGED TO BOND. BECAME…ME.

You frowned. There was an alien inside you. Or some part of one. So far, though, you weren’t getting any bad vibes off this…being. All it had done so far was get you out of the Life Foundation’s labs and nothing in its voice and mannerisms. Wait, was it an “it”?

I PREFER THE FEMALE PRONOUNS, IF YOU DON’T MIND.

Okay. She.

She could hear your thoughts?!

WE’RE BONDED AT A CELLULAR LEVEL–OF COURSE I CAN HEAR WHAT YOU THINK. WE EXIST SYMBIOTICALLY, SO WE NEED TO BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE AT ANY TIME.

Huh. Convenient.

MOST OF THE TIME.

Wait, so if you’re “new”, then how do you know all this?

ANCESTRAL MEMORY. INSTINCT. IT WOULD BE HIGHLY INCONVENIENT FOR MY KIND TO NEED TO TEACH ALL OFFSPRING HOW TO BOND, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING HOW ALL SPAWN ARE JUST PIECES OF THEIR PARENT THAT BECAME INDEPENDENT. NURTURING ISN’T IN OUR NATURE.

That’s really sad, actually.

ONLY TO THOSE WHO HAD SUCH AN UPBRINGING. I AM RELIEVED THAT MY KIND DO NOT EXPERIENCE THE PERIOD OF HELPLESSNESS THAT YOURS MUST ENDURE–THIS “CHILDHOOD”–BUT I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR SYMPATHY. YOU DID NOT HAVE MUCH OF ONE EITHER, AS FAR AS I CAN SEE.

Not after my mother died. My father no longer really cared…Eddie got the worst of it, though. I think our father blames him for mom dying…

That last thought jolted you out of the mental conversation. Eddie. Where was he? Did he make it out? Frantically, you scrambled for your phone and pressed the speed-dial for your brother. Every ring made your tension mount higher until finally you heard him pick up.

“Yeah?”

“Eddie! Where are you?! Are you okay?!”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just feelin’ a little funny is all.”

He was slurring a little. Had he hit his head?

“I got home a bit ago. Called Doctor Skirth, but she didn’t answer. Been kinda woozy too. Maybe I’m gettin’ sick, I dunno.”

HIS SYMBIOTE HAS NOT REVEALED ITSELF YET, your alien commented. IT MUST BE SEEKING NOURISHMENT, TRYING TO HEAL FROM THE HARM THE LIFE FOUNDATION INFLICTED.

“But where…where are you at?” Eddie asked, still sounding almost drunk. “You’re not home, but you gotta be safe if you’re calling.”

You were about to answer when you heard the phone clatter onto some surface.

“Eddie?” you ask. No response. You tried again, but still no response. You could hear some rustling and what you recognized as the freezer being opened.

AS I THOUGHT. LOOKING FOR FOOD SO IT CAN HEAL ITSELF. HANG UP–YOUR BROTHER WILL BE UNAVAILABLE FOR QUITE SOME TIME.

Reluctantly, you followed the symbiote’s advice. Glancing out at the horizon, you noticed that the sky was getting lighter. Morning was probably only an hour away and you were beginning to feel the exhaustion of staying up as well as running all the way here.

It was time to go home.

You thanked your Uber driver as you stepped out from her car, suppressing a yawn as you climbed the steps to your apartment complex. Your symbiote had been fairly quiet throughout the drive, occasionally asking a question about the people and shops outside the window and you had tiredly tried to satisfy her curiosity. Now as you came to your door, you braced yourself for some kind of destruction on the other side. Your symbiote’s genetic memories had been full of violent scenes of her kind on the hunt and you didn’t know what to expect.

It turned out to be not nearly as bad as you’d feared: the fridge and freezer both stood open and a bag’s worth of half-defrosted tater tots were scattered near the kitchen island. There was no sign of your brother until you peered into the bathroom.

You weren’t sure what to make of his situation: he was passed out in the bathtub, toothpaste foam smeared on his bottom lip and the fallen shower curtain draped over his shoulders.

I’D SAY THIS IS A FAIRLY OKAY WAY FOR THINGS TO HAVE TURNED OUT, your symbiote commented with a mental chuckle. NO PILE OF BODIES OR PILE OF HEADS.

You rolled your eyes good-naturedly, trying not to imagine the gruesome scene as you stepped forward, reaching out your hand to shake your fool of a little brother awake.

It happened so fast you almost missed it: a black tentacle shot out from Eddie’s body, aimed straight for your head. Just as swiftly, you felt control of your body wrenched away from you, jerking your arm forward to catch the goopy tendril before it could connect.

“MINE.”

Well, it was definitely a symbiote’s voice, but this one was masculine-sounding and carried a far more predatory snarl. Yours sounded more…well, not necessarily human, but certainly more articulate.

YOURS, your symbiote agreed. NEST-MATE OF MINE. NO THREAT.

Her words seemed to calm the black alien down because the tentacle retreated and Eddie slumped further down in the tub, letting out a sleepy grunt.

WE MUST LEAVE THEM FOR NOW, your symbiote warned. YOUR BROTHER’S SYMBIOTE IS RECOVERING, BUT STILL WEAK ENOUGH TO BE IN HIS PRIMAL STATE. WE WON’T BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEM PROPERLY UNTIL HE FEEDS AGAIN. YOU ALSO NEED TO REST–I CAN PROVIDE YOU WITH STRENGTH BUT NOT ENERGY AND YOU ARE DANGEROUSLY LOW ON THAT FOR SUPPORTING US BOTH.

You couldn’t disagree. While the shock of the black symbiote lashing out had jolted you into alertness for a short time, you were already feeling the exhaustion returning.

Promise you’ll wake me if you hear Eddie get up, you thought, meandering towards the bedroom.

IF YOU’RE RESTED ENOUGH…I PROMISE.

[daydreamdanganronpa]

Upon enrolling Hopes Peak Academy for Gifted Students, you were granted the title Ultimate Radioshow Host. You were commended for accumulating hundreds of thousands of fans for your station, as well as saving the life of a listener that had called in at one point.

there’s really 21 pages im sorry mobile readers.

under the cut for the luckier desktop readers!

Upon enrolling Hopes Peak Academy for Gifted Students, you were granted the title Ultimate Radioshow Host. You were commended for accumulating hundreds of thousands of fans for your station, as well as saving the life of a listener that had called in at one point.

AMAMI

It was often during the late nights where boredom would plague him, supposed dangers of the dark leaving him confined to the same four walls of his room.

Sighing at his restrictions to freely travel, Rantaro flipped on his radio after seeing no one was online for him to chat to. A lively voice began to pour out of the speaker, which he assumed was from a radio show.

“Good evening! We’re doing a call-in bit now where for you guys who can’t sleep will get too scared to sleep at all! You’re going to ring in and tell me all about what scares you~ Fufufu.”

The segment was cheesy, but he listened to the answers of other people anyway; spiders, dolls, heights. Although they were normal fears, they weren’t exactly ones he resonated to-- his talent gave him exposure to these sorts of things and he considered himself brave when he needed to be. Thoughts of giving an answer himself crossed his mind, and he picked up his phone, shrugging. He may as well; he had time and loneliness to kill, plus it was anonymous.

“Aaaand, you’re on!”

“Hey.” Rantaro called out. “‘This live?”

“Yup!” You answered back. Unlike most people that called in who were usually overexcited, talkative fans, his voice was smooth and casual. You were glad this was taking place over the radio so people wouldn’t see the light blush dusting your cheeks. “Night’s Fright is live until midnight!

“Hm…” He crossed his arms and leant back in his chair, letting his phone sit on his shoulder where he tilted his head to press an ear against it. “I’ve a lot of fears, really. Messing up at Hopes Peak is a big one.” He began to speak.

Rantaro himself had never opened up about his problems before; he was a secretive, guarded person, and so he surprised himself by doing it for the first time in front of a crowd. He guessed it was the night making him sentimental and talk-- or was this your influence as a host?

When you went quiet, he laughed, trying to alleviate some of the tension.

“Ahaha. Sorry, this isn’t that suitable for a popular radio, is it?”

“...Did you say Hopes Peak?” You said suddenly.

“Huh? Yeah.”

“Oh, my. We go to the same school, caller-kun!”

Realisation dawned on him-- of course only the station of the Ultimate Radioshow Host would be buzzing with activity at this time of night.

“What year are you in?” You prompted, snapping him out of his thoughts.

He chuckled before giving you a response. “You might’ve seen me around-- I’m a freshman.”

“Me too!” You gasped.

This was the beginning of a long conversation-- Your radio show schedule was discarded for chatting with Rantaro, and your listeners were made to listen to the two of you until midnight.

Soon enough news spread quickly online and on tabloids that the infamous ___ had gotten a date overnight with a mystery caller and were now together. While they were lies, both you and Rantaro secretly didn’t mind them; it could very well be a truth in the near future.

GONTA

“Eh? Who __-chan talking to?”

“Everyone! All the world’s a stage, Gonta-kun!” 

You were always acting like you were on set at any given moment, much to Gonta’s confusion. Sometimes you’d throw a peace sign in a random direction where Gonta thought a camera would be, or press your headphones as if you were speaking into a microphone.

Occasionally you carried around a recorder with you for impromptu sessions, and it was quickly filled with Gonta’s numerous accounts of confusion-- you found his flustered nature cute. When you randomly interviewed him for impromptu question and answer segments, he’d hit peak confusion.

“Everyone’s dying to hear your answers, Gonta-kun!” You’d encourage enthusiastically.

“Everyone!? Who? Who in danger?” He’d cry in response. “Because of Gonta? Gonta sorry!”

When you laughed and said you were kidding-- just exaggerating things-- he breathed a sigh of relief.

“Oh… Good. Gonta still not know what __ means, though…”

The boy wasn’t customary to technology, so you began to teach him things. You explained how to use the recorder you carried, what a broadcast, and everything your job entailed as the Ultimate Radioshow Host.

“Erm, so Gonta just press this button?” He said, tilting the recorder to inspect it. “Then Gonta talk?”

“Yeah, you can just talk about your thoughts and stuff! Whatever you want.” You explained. Raising a finger to your lips, you smiled slyly. “But nothing you wouldn’t want a secret~ I’m going to listen to it, after all.”

“Gonta understand!” He said earnestly, and raised the device to his lips.

“Um! Gonta think __ very nice! And fun to talk to! Yes, Gonta love ___ very much!”

When he handed it back to you sheepishly, you wordlessly took it back, embarrassed.

You were definitely going to save that recording forever.

OUMA

Ouma was the one person who embraced your quirkiness, returning your ‘showbiz’ like expressions with some of his improvised own. He quickly found his way to your side at all times, and two of you become known as an unofficial duo.

Everyone at Hopes Peak either adored your broadcasts over the public speakers, but when Ouma chimed in on some days a collective groan would sweep over the school.

“Gooood morning, Hopes Peak! I’m your __-chan—“

“—And I’m your Kokichi Ouma~!”

Giving him the key to the broadcasting room proved to be a mistake, as the boy would often make fake announcements about free lunches or costume events and trick the school.

Personally you thought it to be amusing, but this didn’t seem to be the majority opinion.

A poll was held to determine how the broadcasts should be run, and the results practically begged for Ouma’s voice to be taken off the speakers.

He was consequently banned from making any sort of public service announcements.

“Noooo, don’t do this to me, __-chan!” He whined as you took away his key. “We’re perfect together!”

“I know.” You said sadly. “I didn’t want want this either. But hey! You can still send me song suggestions for me to blast randomly~”

“You’re right!” He grinned. “See you round, __-chan.”

But of course, he was going to do much more than that.

You were walking and chatting with Angie in the hallways casually when you heard the familiar tone of the broadcast opening bars. That was odd.

“Huh? Isn’t the broadcast committee your responsibility?” Angie questioned you.

“...Yeah.” You confirmed slowly, confused at who was operating it. You were the only one who had access to the room after Ouma was kicked out. It must’ve been a mistake.

You were contradicted when hearing a familiar laugh over the speaker made a chill run up your spin.

“Nishishi~ Helloooo, Hopes Peak. You hadn’t heard the last of me yet!”

Ouma. Of course.

You mentally slapped yourself as you recalled his ability to pick locks-- it didn’t matter if he had the key or not.

“This is a suuuper special announcement from your very own Kokichi Ouma to the one and only __-chan!”

You lifted your head to look up at the speakers. What could he possibly want?

“Listen up! I’m giving you the once in a lifetime opportunity to go on a date with me. You want to, right?” Ouma spoke confidently as ever.

“So meet me under the cherry blossom tree in the courtyard after school, ‘kay? Don’t make me wait!”

And with that, the broadcast ended, leaving you a blushing mess of confusion.

You felt everyone’s eyes in the hallway staring at you. This was going to be one hell of a story.

KOREKIYO

He found your influence over such a large crowd to be highly interesting.

When he asked you questions about your field of work and radio station, it surprised you how much he knew— he didn’t look like someone who’d be a frequent listener.

“It’s a wonder how much power words have on people.” He remarked one day. “Stories, music, advice— I’ve noticed these frequent your radio shows.”

This flattered you considerably, as you had taken a liking to his work as well.

“You tell anthropology stories right, Kiyo?” You asked him, eyes glittering. “I should have you appear as a guest speaker on my show someday!”

He chuckled in response. “My, what an honour that’d be. But I’m afraid the others find listening to me rather dull.”

You pouted. “I find them interesting! And your voice is really nice, too…”

With a polite smile, he continued to turn down the many offers you made him to join you on-air, saying he wasn’t well-practiced in entertainment.

But Korekiyo had done his research on you, of course, in an attempt to understand why you had amassed such a large following. You had a reputation for being well-loved and irresistible; the latter of which he took as a challenge to oppose your charms. He insisted upon devoting his energy to the entirety of humanity, not just one person.

However, all reason flew out the window one day when you had noticed him staring at you while you were having a conversation with Kaede and Shuichi.

Without drawing attention from them you glanced at Korekiyo, giving a little wave as you flashed him a smile.

Taken aback at finding your sudden act of kindness quite cute, he quickly moved to lift his mask higher to conceal a blush creeping onto his face.

He surely understood your appeal now.

KIIBO

For some time Kiibo lived in solitude, but being a robot had its perks to combat this. His professor installed a radio into him, mostly for communicative purposes, but he quickly learnt how to use it for entertainment purposes. He was flicking through the channels idly one day-- rapidly switching from classical to jazz to talk shows, quickly growing bored until…

A lively, refreshing voice graced his ears.

“As always, I’m your __-chan and host tonight! Let’s get started~.”

Your voice always so upbeat, and he felt that it was genuine. Soon enough your channel had become his favourite, and his internal radio was permanently tuned to your broadcast, letting him listen to you every chance he got.

He longed to hear you in person someday. But he brushed away the thought, knowing he’d never be able to meet a celebrity like you.

When he found out you were going to be his classmate for his high school life at Hopes Peak, he flipped.

During the class introductions, he didn’t recognise it was you until you spoke. It was unmistakably you. He stopped dead in his tracks when he realised this-- your voice was so much more lovely in person, just as he had always thought. You noticed him being flustered over your presence and threw him a wink.

“Oh! A fan, I take it?” You smiled.

“Y-Yes!” He stammered, nodding rapidly. “I love y-- I’ve loved your station for so so long, and…! Ahh, if you could you sign something for me, I--

Suddenly, his excitement and shock rendered him to useless to speak and he hit a malfunction, causing him to shut down and overheat, steam pouring out of his ears. His body slumped over, looking like the life was drained out of him.

“Hello?”

You waved a hand in front of his face, tilting your head in confusion when he didn’t answer. Shrugging, you took out a metallic marker from your pocket anyway, signing Kiibo’s chest plate before walking off.

KIRUMI

Being in the same class as the Ultimate Radioshow Host had its ups and downs. Some days she found your loud nature to be quite overwhelming like Ouma, but she found you were much sweeter, and was pleased when you offered assistance. She found your popularity and influence useful, and from time to time she would tap your shoulder and whisper into your ear a message for you to relay to the rest of the class.

“Alright~!” You’d say after Kirumi pulled away from you. “Listen up! Everyone’s gotta put their dishes away when you’re done eating, ‘kay?”

You were met with groans of annoyance in return, but it didn’t matter. You turned around and gave Kirumi a reassuring nod, a gesture that she returned with a bow in response. With her head lowered at that angle, she was grateful you wouldn’t be able to see the blush on her face whenever you smiled at her like that. She’d tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear before standing to her full height again and resuming her normal activities, a little happier this time.

Your friendship started when you noticed her trying to gather the attention of the class, but over the commotion went unnoticed.

“Everyone, if you could please…”

“Excuse me--”

“Please listen…”

It bothered you to see Kirumi overshadowed by everyone’s noisy chatter, and you knew you had to take action. Standing on the table and breathing in, you pulled out a megaphone from seemingly nowhere and began to yell.

“Heeeeey!” You yelled, in a voice so loud it could shatter glass. “Listen to Kirumi, you idiots!”

Silence.

Everyone slowly turned their heads towards you, eyes wide as you pointed to Kirumi behind you. “Don’t make me say it again!”

Although Kirumi was well recognised, she had always felt more of a background character helping behind the scenes and whatnot, and so this sudden spotlight on her surprised her.

Slightly panicked, she looked back at you, where you were giving her a smile and a thumbs up.

Without another word, you leapt off the desk and grabbed your bag, it swinging from your shoulder as you promptly left the room with everyone’s eyes staring at your back.

As for Kirumi?

She was starstruck.

KAITO

The poor boy had tuned into your station by accident when he was fixing up a makeshift radio to communicate with aliens in outer space.

He had a receiver and transmitter prepared to make contact— if only he could pick up anything.

But when he hears the static dissolve into words, and words to conversation, he jumps.

“Goooood evening everybody!”

He was especially surprised that this voice was speaking in a language he could understand, no less.

“Woah!” He yelled. “This works!? There are aliens out there?”

“Huh? Kaito?”

Kaito was shocked. “You know who I am?”

“Of course I know your name! We’re in the same class, remember? It’s __. And hey! I’m no alien!”

Oh. It was you-- __, the Ultimate Radioshow Host.

...Radioshow Host. Shit.

Your talent repeating in his head, realisation dawned on him and his face paled as he figured out what you were going to say next.

“More importantly, what are you doing and how!? This is my radio show, you know!”

Trying to contain his urge to scream he smacked his forehead and held his transmitter tightly. “U-Um! It was-- It was just a prank! Yeah, a prank! Ouma put me up to it, hahaha!” He laughed forcefully.

He had really just embarrassed himself by spouting all that nonsense about aliens in front of you and about a million people. Abort mission.

“S-S-Sorry __-chan! See you tomorrow! Or not! Or never!” He screamed, stammering a barely coherent apology and disconnecting as quickly as he could.

His unorthodox method of disconnecting went noticed by you as you heard the unharmonious crashing of metals before ceasing to hear his voice again.

ANGIE

The girl thought your many fans were a cult, and she was highly invested in you. While this made you happy, it came with a lot of questions and refusing her many times to not use the radio to advertise for Atua.

“So you’re a God, huh, __!” She asked-- more like announced-- one day.

Her sudden outburst confused you. “No?” You answered. “I’m just me!”

“Huh?” She tilted her head. “But you’ve got control over all these people who’d do anything for you. And you speak to them constantly too!”

“I don’t control them!” You said quickly. “They just happen to like what I do.” You said the last statement a little bashfully with a light blush on your face, which Angie noticed.

“You can’t be so humble, __!” She said, putting her hands on her hips. “That’s not how a God is-- they’re powerful and fierce!”

Without warning, she suddenly grabbed your phone and started a recording. “Like this!” She prompted, grinning into the front-facing camera.

“Good evening everybody!” She mimicked your time and catchphrase. But similarities were lost with her next words. “This world is mine! I, __ order you all to surrender to my will!”

You had to admit, it was quite amusing to watch her try to imitate a more evil rendition of you-- Angie’s take on ‘God-like.’

“Now you try!” She encouraged, holding up the camera and zooming in on your face.

Striking a pose with your thumb and first finger under your chin, you gave a haughty laugh. “To all those tuning in; the __ has spoken! You’ve all been brainwashed to listen to my every order! Fuahaha!”

“That’s more like it!” She grinned, and you watched as she opened up the Instagram app.

Lunging for your phone, you yelled, realising what she was intending to do.

“Wait, don’t post that!”

MIU

In her current state, Miu was a hopeless mess. Arms sprawled atop the desk, she was gazing at her radio desperately as she listened to your voice.

She wanted to hear it every day in person. She wanted you to be hers— but if only you could just notice her. You were always preoccupied with your radio show duties and swept away by fans. She had to have her voice stand out from the rest.

That’s when, Miu Iruma, inventor and girl genius, has a sudden strike of inspiration. Swiping the radio off her desk, she grabbed her toolbox and got ready to work.

She had prepared an interceptor device to interrupt your broadcast with her own. Miu grinned into the receiver, knowing she had been successful.

Hacked.

“Sup, fuckers!?”

On your end, you were shocked at the sudden interruption; you hadn’t taken a caller or expected a guest. You looked at your producer for any confirmation but they appeared just as shocked as you are as you listened.

“Surprised, arent’cha? This radio station was fucken eaaaasy. You’ve just been hacked and whacked!”

You froze, recognising the voice. Was that— Iruma? You knew those profanities anywhere.

You rushed to lean over to the mic, hand pressing against your headphones as you knitted your eyebrows in confusion.

“Miu, really!? W-What are you doing-- you know this is live, right?”

“Fuck yeah I do! That’s exactly why I’m doing this.”

“Huh?”

“Call me an exhibitionist, but there’s something I gotta tell ya right now!” You heard her inhale before she spoke again.

“__-chan! I, the great Miu Iruma, am asking you on a date. ...Lemme be your girlfriend!”

And with countless viewers listening in anticipation, you happily agreed, much to Miu’s joy and your producers anger.

TENKO

Tuning into you became routine for her; her daily rituals of stretching, exercise and meditation were accompanied by your voice pouring out of the radio.

Today you had just announced you were taking in callers by random, and Tenko was crossing her fingers wishing to be picked. She wanted this badly; she’d do anything for a chance to talk to you.

When you addressed her for the first time, she almost screamed.

“Hello, listener dearest~ You’re live with me!” Your enthusiastic voice was like a beacon of hope to her.

“R-Reaaaaaaally!?”

Immediately, she threw her phone across the room with a shriek of excitement.

Realising in horror at what she had just done, she stumbled across the room to retrieve her phone, tripping over her chair in the process.

Still laying on her stomach, she reached for her phone, and started babbling into it in a hurry to interact with you.

“Hello!? I-I-I’m such a big fan, and wow! This is so cool!”

Tenko waited to hear your refreshing reply back-- praise, enthusiasm, anything. As long as she could hear your acknowledgements of her in conversation, she would be ecstatic.

When she didn’t hear anything after a few moments, she tilted her head in confusion, and gripped her phone.

“Hello? Can you hear me!?” She yelled.

Looking down at the phone to see her connection, her eyes widened in shock as she realised just how tightly she had been clutching her phone.

Chunks of metal and glass shards in her hand, she screamed as she saw her now broken phone. There was no repairing it in time to talk to you either-- In her excitement she completely missed the fact that she had ruined her one connection line to you.

Throwing it again, she covered her face with both hands as she raised her head to yell in embarrassment and shame.

“AAUGH. I really blew my one chance to talk to __!”

KAEDE

Occasionally you’d dedicate a segment of the show to Kaede and play piano tracks— most of which were her own playing. She’d giggle as she listened along, twirling a lock of hair around her finger as she did.

“What you just heard was Clair De Lune played by our very own Kaede Akamatsu!” You said cheerily.

“We have a lot of talented musicians at Hopes Peak!” You continued. “Special thanks to Ibuki-san and Sayaka-san who featured earlier today, too.”

Your voice dropped and became more humble noticeably, as you began to introduce the next segment.

“And well… I’m no musician but this last song… Will be performed live by me!”

Kaede perked up at this, and she could imagine your several other thousands of listeners doing the same thing. You’d never sung live before.

“This is dedicated to Akamatsu Kaede. I hope you’re listening~”

The girl in question gasped as you began to play the track, and she recognised the tune immediately-- it was her piano rendition of her favourite love song. Kaede was surprised to learn that you had saved and recorded that, too.

A blush crept onto her face when she realised what was going on. 

You were singing along to her playing. This was your confession.

On her end, Kaede had to muffle a scream into her pillow to contain the volume of both her joy embarrassment.

She surely wouldn’t be anything less than a blushing mess when she saw you the next day at school. 

SHUICHI

You had invited him to co-star the host with you as a guest, and with how anxious he was being, he was almost regretting it.

He accepted almost a little took quickly at the chance to spend time with you alone, but he soon realised that there would be no real alone time at all.

“So how many listeners do you have, usually?” He asked as casually as he could on the way to your studio.

“Hm…” You tapped your chin. “I couldn’t say for sure. I’ve got a looooot of fans, but only a few hundred thousand of them would be tuning in every show.”

Only? Oh god.

Today you were doing an advice segment where you interacted with your callers, so there were more people than he anticipated. He was reserved for the most part, but made witty comments every now and then that made you laugh.

He felt warmth whenever you did and a sense of confidence-- he wanted to be the one to always put a smile on your face.

Amidst the discussion, a follower of yours tuned in crying over her mother-- they described it to be an incident deemed unsolvable, and they

“I’m sorry for your loss…” You said, unable to find words to this unexpected call-in. “If it helps, we can--”

“Hey.” Shuichi interrupted. “You say that’s an unsolvable case but… Could it be there’s something going on with your aunt..? Especially with her relationship to your mother and the fact that she’s a butcher--” He elaborated on his theory, and soon enough everyone including you quickly became stunned.

The broadcast had to be terminated immediately as you had just uncovered incriminating information. Shouts by your production team and manager sounded through the room as there were calls to police stations being made and team members rushing about to calm down listeners already outside your station.

Amidst the chaos, you put your hands on a stunned-looking Shuichi’s shoulders.

“You did it, Shuichi!

“Um, I think I’ve just caused trouble for everyone, though…”

“No, no!” Your eyes were sparkling. “Not at all-- you’ve just solved a case, and saved a life on air!”

“Hey, you know?” You chattered excitedly. “That’s exactly how I got my Ultimate. You could be the Ultimate Radioshow Host too!”

Shooking his head fiercely, he decided he’d had enough attention for one day.

He’d rather stick to his detective work.

HIMIKO

She adored having someone else in the entertainment business to talk to.

You'd often get coerced into advertising for her magic shows that wouldn’t have an audience had it not been for you.

Today she was sitting next to you in the broadcasting room at Hopes Peak-- you were teaching her how to use the equipment in there and to have a more ‘showbiz’ type of energy in general to help with her magic shows.

“Aaaand a message from our sponsor; Himiko Yumeno!” You ended your lunch announcement jokingly.

“Um..! You all better get down to the gym after this, ‘cuz I’m gonna put on a show! It’s real magic, you can’t miss it!” Himiko said enthusiastically as she could.

She looked to you for validation after that, and you nodded reassuringly, motioning for her to close the broadcast to finish and go off-air.

“Haah, that was nerve-wracking.” Himiko exhaled.

“You only said a few lines.” You pointed out with a giggle.

“But still… Sometimes I even get shy talking to you… A lot of people gets embarrassing…”

“Oh? To me?”

“Yeah… ‘Cuz you’re really cute and super talented and all that! I think you’re really cool!” She exclaimed.  “And well… I really like you, __-san.” Himiko said more shyly this time.

You were stunned at the sudden confession, but you smiled warmly at her. “I like you too, Himiko-chan.”

You looked behind her as you did, noticing a blinking red light on the tabletop. ‘ON AIR’, it read. Oh god, you were still on the P.A-- Himiko didn’t turn it off properly. Realising this, you gave out a scream of embarrassment, and quickly slammed the button to turn off the broadcast.

There would surely be news about this all over the school.

RYOMA

By choice, Ryoma preferred the solitude. He often took pleasure in long walks

Your radio station had a glass window that was more like a transparent wall, letting people see into your workspace and observe you making broadcasts. There were people peering into it and crowding the path Ryoma was walking, and they seemed to line up the entire street.

Begrudgingly, he pushed past your fans outside holding up signs and screaming for your attention. Looking up, he raised an eyebrow to see what the commotion was all about. Beyond the glass was you, speaking into a mic with a headset on as you smiled.

He recalled your talent, the Ultimate Radioshow Host. It was no wonder you had gathered all this attention.

“__-chan, notice me!” Your fans were babbling as they waved erratically.  

“Heh, good luck with that.” He mumbled as he continued to walk. The two of you were in the same class and even then you didn’t notice him. He recalled the one and only interaction you two had together; you had bumped into him when you forgot who he was in your profuse apology.

“Ah, sorry um… What was your name again?” You tried to smile.

“Don’t worry, it happens. Ryoma Hoshi; Ultimate Tennis Player.” He shrugged.

“Ryoma Hoshi?” You repeated. “Oh my, you’re that--!”

“Yeah, that’s me. Don’t suppose you want an interview?” He said sarcastically, but you interpreted his question to be genuine.

“Ah, no sorry, I um-- My show’s not that kind of…” You trailed off, embarrassed at the situation.

“Don’t worry about it.” He said again. “I get it-- no one would want to listen to me anyhow.”

Awkward.

Since then Ryoma had seen you in class every now and then, but didn’t bother to interact.  

He’d never be able to match your energy, and he didn’t think you’d reach out to someone as pessimistic as him.

He was soon contradicted however when unexpectedly, when your eyes made contact, and you flashed him a smile, waving as you did. Stunned, he didn’t get to return the gesture-- you had already looked away to focus on your job, happy and relaxed expression still on your face as you chatted energetically into the mic.

He walked away pulling his beanie down, and a soft smile tugging on his lips that no one would ever get to see.

MAKI

As someone who could never be direct with her feelings, Maki was always too shy to talk to you sometimes, much less ask you out. With this, Maki made a habit of listening to you on air-- it was her way of ‘investigating’ your interests and hobbies; what kind of food you liked and what kind of gifts you liked to receive. She used the information wisely, and was pleased whenever it worked in her favour.

“You really made me a bento?” You squealed one day when she gifted you one. “Oh, and there’s even tempura-- my favourite! How did you know?” You exclaimed, pulling your eyes away from the lunch to look at her in

“Ah, I didn’t…” She lied, looking away to stroke her hair in embarrassment. “I just happened to make whatever and had a spare.”

“You make that much food? Wow~ The Ultimate Child Caregiver sure has a lot of mouths to feed.”

Truthfully, that was the only one she made specifically for you after she learnt it was your favourite on air among other things. It wasn’t stalking, she convinced herself. It was similar to the preparation she did for hits, only her assessments of you were for more… Personal reasons of interest.

You were currently on air discussing topics with random callers, when one in particular made Maki want to snap.

“__-san, are you currently dating anyone?” Someone had asked you.

“Hm~ Not right now! I’m waiting for ‘the one’, you know?”

Maki nodded a little smugly at this-- this meant she had a chance.

“Buuuuut, I do have someone I like. You want to know more about them? Well, sure.”

Maki’s smile dropped instantly. She absolutely didn’t want to hear the explanation of whoever you were interested in; it’d give her too much of an urge to kill. It was likely it was someone in your class; Shuichi or Shinguuji or someone equally irritating. Ignorance was bliss; she’d prefer to not let her image of any classmate get tainted by her bias.

It was unfortunate for Maki that she chose to abruptly turn off the radio, however, as your description would only be more information she’d take interest in:

“Long raven hair, deep cherry eyes, and a scowl that would make a chill run up anyone’s spine…~”

TSUMUGI

She gasped immediately when she saw you holding your recording device one day.

“That’s from that one show, isn’t it?” She exclaimed, and pointed to it in excitement.

“Huh?” You looked up. “Oh no, this is just my recorder!”

“But the detail on that thing!” Tsumugi was swooning. “It really looks like it could unfold and unveil your trap cards!”

You held it up, sweating profusely a little. “No really, it’s just a recorder… I don’t know what a ‘trap card’ is… It can pick up sounds and play them back to you. See?” You hit record and spoke into the machine, then hit play to demonstrate.

When she perked up hearing your voice play back, she suddenly grabbed it.

“Wooow! You could even have summoning voice lines on this thing! Seriously, __-chan, this is so cool~ ...If only it weren’t so plain looking.” She frowned. Her smile was quick to appear on her face again as she made a suggestion.

“You’ve gotta let me borrow it!” She said, starry-eyed. “I’ll just make some modifications-- decals, stickers, the works, you know!? It’ll only take a day or two!”

“What!? No, I’ve got a show tonight-- I need my recordings!” You said, trying to swipe it back. Her height rivalled yours however and she stood on her toes with the hand she was clutching the device in outstretched to the ceiling.

“That’s okay! I won’t let you go into battle without anything to summon!”

“Leave it to me, __-san!” She said enthusiastically as she dashed away in the direction of her lab, trying to shake you off her trail.

“Seriously, come back with that!” 

[realtalk-princeton]

Recently, I've really started resenting my decision to come here instead of Harvard. There's a lot of things I keep thinking about, and I can't seem to reconcile a single, straightforward advantage Princeton has over Harvard. The main things are 1) Workload - the classes here are just harder, and you end up with a worse grade to show for it. It just seem undeniable that we're likely disadvantaged by lower GPAs for recruiting/grad school, and AT BEST, the recruiter/admission people understand the

the GPA difference, so we’re not ridiculously disadvantaged. But in terms of workload, still doesn’t change the fact that my one COS217 assignment is more homework than a weeks worth of total coursework for all but the hardest majors there. They’re out having fun in Boston or chilling with friends while I’m consistently stressed purely from academic workload. 2) Extracurriculars - it seems like there’s so much more stuff to do on campus over there, and the EC scene at Princeton doesn’t really seems to be so much more that they have on campus (from what I hear from friends). There seems such easy access to resume bloat, and they have the free-time to actually pursue it as well. Overall here, it just feels like I’m working harder, have less time to relax, and am on track to less successful than i would’ve been at H and it’s miserable to think about. Sorry that this felt like a rant but I just wanted to get these thoughts off my chest.

Response from Regina:

if the only reason you came here was so that you could be more successful than the people at harvard then i have some news for youu! your success is  dependent on how hard you work.  yes, harvard is easier than here.  im not sure about what harvard has that we dont in terms of extracurriculars  but if we dont have it apply for funding and make it happen!  yes princeton is incredibly hard and harder than harvard but life can be unfair and people might not know that its harder here but you dont need to have all of your successes be noticed by others.  if you’re unhappy here for other reasons (or even these reasons) thats perfectly valid as we cannot say your feelings are invalid but you should figure out a way to be happier! if that means transferring, or switching majors, or creating new clubs on campus, you should do that! but dont have yourself a pity party because if you do that, you are correct that you wont be as successful as your friends from harvard.  if you truly hate spending that much time on your 217 assignment then you probably shouldnt be a cos major if you dont enjoy it.  pick yourself up and remind yourself that you’re at the BEST UNIVERSITY IN THE COUNTRY and decide on what you can do to fix the way that you are feeling!  we want the best for you op and hope that your rant helped you feel better but you gotta put those complaints into action or else you wont be making yourself feel any better.  hope this helped and good luck on finishing othello and your finals!!

Response from Sushi:

^great response Regina (edit: and also Sulpicia)

Response from Sulpicia:

Got ninja’d but I had a rant as well:

We get A LOT of questions like this, and the short answer is that I’m sorry that you think the grass is greener, but there’s nothing you can do about the decision you made in the past. If you want to go to Harvard for grad school great, but otherwise that’s kind of all you can do.

Quite frankly, I don’t think Harvard is in general better than Princeton. My overall philosophy is that different schools are better for different people with different goals, and while Harvard has things Princeton lacks, Princeton has things Harvard lacks. I’m not going to make a T chart or anything, but Princeton has the highest per undergrad spending IN THE WORLD and there are many many advantages that you get here that I’m sure you’re taking for granted because they’re easy to.

Additionally, we get so many ridiculous questions about how Harvard is “so much easier” because their average GPA is higher. It is 0.2 points higher. That is not that much; it’s genuinely like a third of a letter grade higher, and both averages are pretty high. Honestly, if you think that your whole career is going to be derailed because you got one more A- than you think you /might/ have gotten at another school, what are you doing? Your college career does not and should not dictate your entire life and career trajectory, and people thinking that they absolutely must have the best GPA and the best entry-level jobs are not being realistic. Yes, those jobs are great and yes, they will pay well but you are at a school with an ENORMOUS alumni network that will only get richer as your classmates and friends build their own careers. Creativity and hard work are attributes that are prized in the workplace, not the highest GPA (check out the NYT article that came out recently about being a B student).

I don’t think we’re disadvantaged in grad school or recruiting because of GPA. Maybe computer science students don’t get recruited as much as they do from Stanford or a place that is known for CS, but the opportunities we get are ones people at other schools would KILL for. This year we had three Rhodes Scholars, the most from any one school (tied with Yale). We had two Marshall Scholars. People go to top law/med schools every year. Yes, it’s because truly impressive students come here, but it’s insane to me that we have 1-3 Rhodes Scholars EVERY YEAR when many state schools or smaller private colleges would be lucky to have had one or two ever. We get these chances because of the Princeton name, because of the classes/paid internships/fellowships/research trips that give people good resume fodder and essay topics, and because of the coaching we get. If you’re not getting jobs, go to Career Services to the office full of people who are paid to get you a job. I’m sorry that the Fall COS 217 assignment is shit, but that’s life and you’re not the first person to be stuck doing it all break. I highly doubt that everyone at Harvard is “chilling in Boston” and I’m sure most are just as stressed, strung-out, and afraid of failure as you are, if not more so because there’s more pressure to have a perfect GPA.

Like Regina said, I don’t know what’s going on a Harvard (and not the city of Boston) that we don’t have, but there are over 300 groups here and new ones start all the time so I don’t know what you want. Nobody is going to spoon-feed you the life you want, and all this “X university is easier” bullshit is petty and not constructive and honestly just rude. Princeton is lacking in a lot of things but if you’re not getting academic, career, or extracurricular support that you need, then there are resources you can find very clearly on campus.

[cyincalangels]

a final goodbye

as a warning, this is going to be all my thoughts and emotions in one long post. a post i never even thought i would have to make. when i first made this page, i wanted to show this to you at a bigger milestone in a relationship, i wasnt sure what that was going to be or when that was going to happen to be honest. but here we are, at our final milestone. parts of me also never really wanted to show or mention this page to you. but in all honesty, this makes it easier for me to recognize and acknowledge what im feeling and being able to come back and see how my feelings and thoughts have grown or may have changed. i read through all the posts ive written to double check if these are even worth showing you. and i still think they are. i still feel the same way in each post ive written. and i think ill always feel the same way, even after you’re no longer a huge role in my life. i was hurting after i read through all the posts because 1. ive never written things about other people like that. i never even write my feelings out like that 2. i always felt at peace almost after writing each post. each post made me more grateful for you. and dont get me wrong, its not like i only wrote these posts when i was happy, i only wrote when i remembered or made time. there should have been waaaay more posts than there really are. so ill try to make it fit in this one. and 3. im scared ill never really be able to feel like this about a person again. or at least want to be vulnerable anytime soon. again, i never really felt this way about someone. so it definitely hurts having to sit here and write this. i hurt because i know this is my fault. i dont need you to accept or validate anything in this post or what ive done and i dont need you to say it wasnt my fault. ive come to terms that a lot of this was caused by my baggage i failed to heal on my own, which eventually ended in me basically neglecting you and taking you for granted. ive honestly had to stop and cry and recollect myself several times in writing this so it may be all over the place. im also really sorry if this is way too much for you and if this is nowhere near how you felt about me.

i can thank you in a million ways for how you have impacted my life in the very short four months ive known and got the chance to experience you. you were the first and only person who really made the effort to want to get to know me and learn about me. its taught me to be vulnerable and be okay with sharing myself and my stories with others. it showed to me that some people actually still care about what made me, me. i think thats what really intrigued me the most about you. you like stories and you wanted to hear mine. and i wanted to share and experience some of my life story with you. but now all i really have of the memories that remind me of you.

you also exposed to me a lot of my own trauma that needs to be fixed. it was a hard and ugly truth i had to accept about myself and still trying to process it all now. you were strong enough to stand up for yourself and realize that youve had enough of all my baggage. that was probably one of the most humbling moments ive had in a long time because i mean yeah, people leave me for reasons, but it didnt affect me like how this did. it really woke me up to realize that i need to stop making excuses for my trauma. i cant just rely on attention to make it go away. maybe because i tried so hard (at least in my head) to do things to make you stay and i forced us to change to make it work. when ive always known that i cant control or force someone or something to stay. thank you for forcing me to want to work on myself. for me now. 

i know i spent a lot of time talking about me and not enough about you. i asked you today and you said you never needed much from me and for some reason, i felt like i failed you. because you did not need much and i couldnt even give that to you. although i kept asking and telling you what i needed and what works for me and i just wanted you to listen, i couldnt even do the same. i wanted change in a relationship its like i wanted to help change you to be better for me but i couldnt even change myself to be the best for you. i didnt want to accept that the change that was needed, was in me instead. i guess you were right when you kept asking if i was ready for you. because now looking back at it all, there is still so much work for me to do. 

i really went through all five stages at grief today. almost all at once. one second ill be okay and productive and really accepting of what i have to do from now on. but it could be seconds later where i think of you and suddenly bust into tears because i can no longer have access to you and no longer have you in my life. i thought to myself, “wow, i didnt think the last time i saw him was really THE last time ill probably ever see him again. ill never be able to hold his hand, hug or big spoon him, rub his back, or even scratch his head again.” all weird little things, but all things that i can never do again. i was more angry and disappointed with myself because my passion and emotions cost me someone i genuinely loved and cared about. it pushed someone away. again. i neglected you and let you slip away. i always had a feeling you’d leave me, i just didnt hope it was so soon. im going to miss you so much. beyond what words can explain. but even though i was upset or needed more when i wasnt physically with you, the second youd pick me up from the airport, all of that went away. being there with you made me forget what even makes me upset in the first place. i always appreciated every moment i got to spend with you. i was never bored. i was never tired of you. i never wished to be anywhere else than with you. 

theres so many things i regret that we couldnt experience together like how we hoped we could. like we couldnt go out anywhere together. you couldnt meet my people, even though they really wanted to. and i couldnt meet your people either. im actually really sad and hurt we couldnt travel or take a trip together. i was really looking forward to it because i know how much it meant for you to travel with your partner. theres so many things i wanted to do with you because i really enjoyed your presence and just wanted to share stories with you. but we couldnt experience a normal part of a relationship because of whats going on in the world. maybe that wouldve changed some things, but also it doesnt matter now. 

i wish i wouldve told you sooner. about how i really felt. not sure if that wouldve changed our situation much and what that would mean. but i never really would have thought i would fall in love with someone through an iphone screen. and i never expected you to feel the same, which may be a reason why i was always too scared to say it out loud to you. just know that i meant every word that i have ever said to you. ill still deadass ride or die for you. still support you. still always be here for you. still be a rock for you while the world is falling apart. still got your back, front, side, whatever you need. still be a call or text away. still be a nike plug if you need more shorts (or clothes and shoes in general). i could never hate you for this or for anything. i know all this is probably super dramatic for the four months ive known you, but i can promise you that this is nothing like ive experienced in a good way. i really do love you, camilo. and i knew for many weeks now. im sorry it had to come out this way. im sorry our story ended a lot sooner than we (mostly i) expected. i promise that ill still stay true to everything ive told you and promise to you that ill go to therapy for myself. please take good care of yourself. of all aspects of yourself please. i hope i can still count on you in the future. i love you. ill always keep praying for you. xoxoxo

ps this took me about two hours to write. and i might write more on here if i ever feel the creative need to release anytime soon, if youre curious to see later.