#like I am literally planning my dream trip rn and as exciting as it is

[ffive-by-fivee]

I miss London and I miss Paris and I miss LA and I miss Denver and I miss my new friends and I miss my grandpa and I miss my girl and I miss my best friend and I miss my other best friend and I miss being on a plane and I miss my band and I miss not having arthritis and I miss my old coworkers and I miss wn and I miss that feeling in my chest when I experience something beautiful for the first time and I miss

[aotvfilm]

Hi!!!!!!!!!! So, it depends on who you are, but in my case I normally just celebrate Christmas and well... this is my first year doing Yule, so probably lots of soups, bread maybe, baking, and sometimes making ornaments, doing a lot of crafty things. Do you like to bake or cook at all? How exciting to see your brother! Do you have gift plans for the family? I am deeply enthused, yes! It's going to be an awesome trip.

AH!!! That is an underrated AU, and it's still a great idea. Fics do have to tend a lot of research going on! What are you reading rn/ have any favorites? Fics are just fantastic, and there's a community aspect between author and reader, and I love that so much!

Since 2018!! Oh wow, Gotta Be You was great; such a shame he didn't get a pic or autograph!! I definetly got into the game late so I missed many iconic things; so it was right around HS1... but yes, instantly became a larrie, and adore them so much. What was it like to be in the fandom during tours, during RBB/SBB?!

What a beautiful quote; H really is kind, and so wonderous. Louis and his work ethic, and it's so amazing, his love! What an excellent way to say that-- they are ordinary people (Common People, heh), but like you said, there is so much there to them. If it helps, I don't know you too well at all but you are very kind <3 yes, and you seem passionate too!

I was part of the Witcher for most of this year, and eventually stopped writing for that fandom... right now, it's mainly Larrie!

My trip was great, I had fun! How was your weekend?

Happy thoughts and sending love, Holiday Pal!

Hi Holiday Pal :) Sorry! I’ve been very low energy and sleeping more than I should be 😬

That’s so exciting that it’s your first time celebrating Yule! Hopefully this is the beginning of lots of lovely traditions for you! I hate cooking 👀 Sometimes I bake but my partner does most all of the cooking in our house. As for gift plans, I usually only buy gifts for the children in my family. Two of my nephews are teenagers now so they’ve asked for money. My other nephew is 10 and he’s very into building things so he’s asked for some lego’s. And then my youngest nephew is about a year and a half so I’m going to get him some toys & books to help him start to learn how to read & count. Will you be exchanging gifts with your family as well?

Right now I’m rereading Escapade because I recently saw a quote from it and realized I didn’t remember shit from it. I’m almost done with it so I’m not sure what I’ll read next, I have so many fics bookmarked. I’ll have to make a list of my favs because I’m not great at remembering titles. Do you have any suggestions for fics to read? What are some of your favs/current reads?

Hey 2018 is still a long time to be in this fandom! It’s crazy that it’s nearly 2023. I’ve taken a couple of breaks from the fandom where I wasn’t very involved so I’ve definitely missed a ton as well. It was so amazing to be around for the band though. I went to see them on the where we are tour and it was incredible. RBB/SBB honestly feel like a fever dream I can’t believe it really happened. I ran a fairly large larry instagram account (forgive me) and it was just unbelievable to be around for all of that.

Thank you so much for your compliments :) You seem extremely kind as well and so lovely ❤️

Ooo the Witcher! I’ve never watched but I’ve heard fantastic things about it. I’d ask you if you’d recommend me watching it but I’m sure that would be redundant haha :) how many fics have you written? have you completed any larry fics? I have a fear of embarrassing myself and I think it’s always always stopped me from writing and publishing fics. Hopefully someday I overcome that because I think I’d really enjoy writing!

My weekend wasn’t too bad. Just very busy and then I found myself sleeping literally every chance I got. Sending you lots of love holiday pal! ❤️

[honeyymistt]

hey honeyy! i just wanted to rant for a hot minute simply bc idk how to handle this situation; i'm 20, and will move out soon to go to uni (in october, presumably) and my parents will pay for rent and food, which is v nice of them. but despite their reassurances that they'll pay for it, they are so passive aggressive, especially my mom. she just straight up told me today that "enough is enough" and basically said i need to move out asap bc i'm such a burden on them financially + i'm so spoiled and dumb and don't know how to real world works and she does (which ugh,, not to brag but they're loaded and i feel so heartbroken bc as a child they would spoil us rotten), but now she just wants to kick me out. i know at 20, i'm long overdue for moving out — and i will, soon, in like 2 months — yet my mom acts as if she couldn't wait for me to leave (which, okay, fair. same tbh) but idk what she wants me to do about it rn?? like i'm looking for jobs & am in the process of applying to different jobs, but that's somehow a time consuming process. it's just v stressful bc i feel betrayed, bc they always told me i should focus on school instead of getting a job, and it's my fault for not thinking for myself, but now i have no money saved up and i'll probably work a minimum wage job for the rest of the year every month (and the next years, like my whole uni time which is a-okay, it just stresses me out a bit). i think you're younger than me, so maybe this is very out of line for me to complain to you about?? feel free to just delete this ask, but i wanted to ask if you have any advice on how to deal with "loveless" parents and a dysfunctional family, where respect is requested but you as 'their child' are not brought the same respect bc you're 20 and still living at home. it's sooo funny bc i'm so gullible; my mom used to tell me the exact opposite for years — ‘no, it's fine that you're still living at home with 19’ and now she holds it against me bc she moved out at 17. my dad is also v mentally unstable, he has anger issues and never sees that he behaved wrongly, basically gaslighting me into believing it's all my fault for everything's that happening to me when something goes wrong. idk how to deal w/ this, everyone in this household is toxic and i feel trapped, despite my plans to hustle on the side and earn my own money. i'm stupid for feeling betrayed, but that's how it feels like. i think my mom stopped loving me a long time ago, like until i was 11 she loved me, but then i grew up and developed my own opinions, character etc. i just hate her so much. same with my dad. i hate relying on them for rent though and idk what to do (😭ik, this is a very, very privileged standpoint but idk how to handle all this hate; it's been getting worse these past weeks) — sorry for the lang rant!! 😭✋ hope your life is going great, though <3 -💌

hiii 💌-anon!!! im happy to hear from you :) i’m sorry to hear you are having a hard time 🥺 i'm sending you a virtual hug. i hope it cheers you up! <3

it makes me sad to read that you think that you're long overdue for moving out because you really aren't!! where i live, a lot of people are living at home until they graduate from university (possibly because it is very expensive to live where i live and no 20 year old is able to afford it🥴) but anyways, i actually don't think you're long overdue for moving out. i know that there a bunch of YouTube videos titled "MOVING INTO MY DREAM APARTMENT AT 19!" and yes, it's such a milestone but it's also so unrealistic. YouTube and being an "influencer" in general, pays really really well. not a lot of people are able to do what is "normal" to them. you are right on track! don't worry :)

reading about your parents really made me upset because you don't deserve to be talked to like that at all. a good parent takes care of their kid because they love them. they don't guilt trip them and tell them that they are a financial burden or that they're excited for them to move out. like your mom offers to pay for your rent and food but then tells you that you're a financial burden ?? like ma'am, where is the logic in that 😐 i'm sorry that she makes you feel unloved,, you don't deserve that at all :( i hate that you feel like once you developed your own opinions and character, she started to dislike you. that's what makes you wonderful!! you're a beautiful person, inside and out. don't let her opinions and actions tell you otherwise.

as for not knowing how the real world works, literally same. to be completely honest, i'm probably worse than you 😭 . i think i wrote this in one of my posts about my insecurities but basically i wrote that i don't know anything beyond school. i feel like i've been working so hard on being the "perfect student" that i'm so book smart but when it comes to very basic life skills, i feel like i'm lacking. i feel like i'm unprepared. whenever i tell this to my mom, she tells me that it's okay and that it's her job to take care of me and provide for me. one time she said "you have a whole life ahead of you to learn about taxes and cleaning and bills and finances and cooking. just enjoy the time right now. enjoy your life where it is. you're going to learn all of these skills eventually. the best way to learn them is just to experience life and make mistakes." so listen to my mom and try not to worry!! no one is born knowing how the real world works. you're going to be okay!

i think when it comes to dealing with loveless parents, you make up for it through your other relationships. one of my friends doesn't have the best relationship with her parents and whenever i ask her about it she says, "it's sad that i don't have the love that most people get from their parents but i get so much love from you, my other friends, my boyfriend, my cousins, etc. i know that there are people who care for me. these people are my family." maybe you and your family just need time apart. maybe your absence will make them realize that they didn't really treat you all that well. or maybe you'll realize that you deserve a lot better and that you don't want to be in contact with people who make you feel badly about yourself. time apart will give you time to come to terms with what you need! 🤍 if i were you, i'd get really excited for moving out in october because you're going to be removing yourself from this environment. you won't have to deal with feeling like a burden or dealing with your parents being cold towards you. you're moving out!! this is exciting!!! i'm excited for you!! everything will align and fall perfectly into place, i just know it.

i'll be by your side every step of the way - packing, moving out, moving in, unpacking, and we'll experience the harsh reality of the real world together :) i'm right by your side 🥺🌟🍯🤍

[cecilsstorycorner]

30 Questions Tag Game

Thanks @teriwrites for the tag! I’m all cooped up on a mountain alone so it was nice to have something to do lol

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better 

Name/nickname: Cecil

Gender: No (agender)

Star sign: Pisces

Height: 5’10”

Time: 8:39 am (an anomaly, everyone got up real early to head out and I got swept up in it)

Birthday: March 13th

Favourite bands: The Crane Wives, The Tiny, Bitter Ruin, Charming Disaster

Favourite solo artists: April Smith, Radical Face, Shayfer James

Song stuck in my head: Ways to Love - Jason Webley

Last movie: Oh gods it was Twilight. For context I was feeling down and my mum went ‘hey you know what cheers you up- making fun of bad movies with someone’ and she was right

Last show: Superstore (my family’s been watching it after dinner while we all do our separate work things. It’s not bad actually, very therapeutic if you’ve ever worked retail or even any customer service job)

When did I make this blog: Sometime around November or December I think??

What I post: My own art/writing nonsense, occasional thoughts no one wants to hear

Last thing I googled: schlaflied die ärzte (I’m trying to get better at my pronunciation through songs and this one is simplistic enough and also just very fun)

Other blogs: Mostly just my main @dontdropthejam, I have a bunch others but they’re not really used anymore

Do I get asks? Sometimes! Mostly for ask games. I quite like them though! (I know so unique)

Why I chose my URL: My typical handle for art and stuff is cecilstrinketbox, but since I’d already used that to make a now abandoned art blog here, I made a version more fitting to writing! Plus I literally ran a story time at my old job for a while so it felt appropriate

Following: 504

Followers: 150 (which is insane and I’m very grateful so many people wanna see my nonsense)

20. Average hours of sleep: From 5-11, depending. It’s never enough I am so tired

21. Lucky number: 13, but not because I’m trying to be ✨quirky✨ or something, it’s just that my 13th birthday was on Friday 13th on the 3rd month at 3am and I think that’s very sexy of me. Also 42 because I grew up with a nerd dad and it rubbed off on me

22. Instruments: Basic ukulele, by-ear fingerpicking/single key guitar and piano. I like to pick out songs on the guitar and sing alone. It’s rarely in my range but that’s okay I do it only when no ones home

23. What I’m wearing rn: Pyjamas and a big cozy blanket sweater thing. I’m a warm lump and I love it

24. Dream trip: I guess like... Germany or some Scandinavian country or something? For both personal background reasons and because I really wanna learn more about the folklore there. I also wanna go back to Scotland but I’m planning to live there so that’s less a dream trip and more a hopeful future plan

25. Favourite food: It’s more a meal than individual food, but sometimes on special occasions my family makes this Sunday roast with roast potatoes and the best Yorkshire Puddings you’ll ever taste. But it takes a full day to make so its a rarity. Luckily my dad knows how to make cheaper ingredients taste fantastic though so if we clear a day in advance it’s not too tricky to set up from that side

26. Nationality: British/German and living in Canada atm

27. Favourite song: Holy Branches by Radical Face

28. Last book I read: I just started A Conspiracy of Truths by Alexandra Rowland and I’m very excited to actually get back into reading again!

29. Top three fictional universes: Ooh I’m not really a worldbuilding person but probably 1. My friend’s dnd world (she’s making a whole source book for it it’s incredible I fear and respect her so much), 2. the alternative world that Bly Manor takes place in (I know this is a stretch but I just really like their ghost rules), 3. Whatever Spirited Away’s got going on

30. Favourite colour: Depends on my mood tbh. Sometimes a really soft blue, sometimes a deep warm purple, sometimes heavy forest green, and so on

I am absolutely not tagging 20 people oh gods. This isn’t a writing thing so I don’t really know who to tag even more than usual, so I’ll try @little-boats-on-a-lake and @chayscribbles if you want to, plus anyone else who’s as bored as me!

[idsb]

here’s where i’m @ rn if anybody cares i’m rly fucking struggling

I went to Australia 2x in the last year. i bought the plane ticket before i went the first time over a year in advance, and going there had been something i wanted to do my entire life. so from the end of 2017 - if you’re not counting ‘literally since i was 5 and knew what Australia was’ - i had been looking forward to this, and then when i got home the first time, i literally thought about this guy every single day and had this hope in the back of my mind that i’d see him again, and it was this thing i had to dream about and plan for and look forward to. going to Australia has been as much a part of who i am as shooting music or riding horses or liking the color black.

And then once I returned the first time, seeing this dude reply to / like shit i posted on IG and that kinda thing and imagining what might happen if i saw him again and thinking about how i KNEW i’d end up going back to Australia some day, in part to see him, became like, this key part of my identity, even moreso. Every spark of hope Australia gave me the first time only intensified after that, and every issue & struggle i’ve had in the last 8 months - guy related or otherwise - had me imagining seeing him as a beacon of hope above it. It was a fairytale that i got to escape to every day, and that has been a part of me for the last year, too.

With that combined, that whole country to me has been the only thing that i’ve known to represent hope & happiness no matter what for like, 2+ years now. Wanting to go to that country and loving that country IS who i am. And now knowing there wasn’t enough there to merit me going back there JUST to see him + I’ve pretty much seen the whole country now & would like to go somewhere else + all of that is totally irrelevant anyway because my bank account got fucking NUKED from doing 2 of these trips in 2 years. and i’m struggling really really badly with that. and i also have this like, glaring knowledge that going BACK to Australia again won’t make me happy because once I can afford to do that again anyway, it’ll be years from now and all the people and things about that place that made it so magic to me will be gone or the people will have moved on because it will have been YEARS. Like I know I can never replicate what I had there on these 2 trips and I don’t even have a reason to go back there at all and it’s all just absolutely killing me.

And all of that makes me feel like this giant part of my identity and this thing that has represented hope and something good to look forward to in my life for like, 40% of my adult life, has just been like, torn away from me. and the fact that it represented SO much hope for me on so many different levels, from like a day to day thing w/ interacting with the guy on socials and how that felt like a jolt of energy and a tiny thing that made me excited every day to the whole giant endeavor of the trip to look forward to, and that I have absolutely none of that now and nothing literally at ALL to look forward to on the horizon, knowing that between those 2 trips I probably had the most fun i’ll ever have in my life or at least for YEARS to come, and I can’t simply create something new / exciting for myself bc like i said, my bank account is fried and i can barely leave my house… i kind of feel like i’m literally just floating through time and there’s no purpose to anything and there’s nothing to be excited about and i’m just kind of like…… here droning through every single day and there’s no point to any of it. 

I’ve been trying to find something for 2 weeks now, but there just doesn’t feel like there is anything and everything I pretend that I’ve found feels so fucking fake and like I’m forcing myself to give a shit so I stop feeling depressed, but it all feels fucking empty. even things that would have normally excited me feel like nothing compared to what i’d just been through; it’s like having gotten off a roller coaster and now you’re trying to convince me that a Fisher Price toddler slide 2 feet off the ground is just as fun and i should be happy. I’m empty and I’ve lost myself and i have so much work to do and i know i need to quit being a bitch and just work and get my shit together before I let this depression I’m feeling ruin my life by losing clients and that kind of thing. And I can feel the work slipping through my fingers as emails go unresponded and I simply don’t do things when  i know i’m supposed to be doing them & missing deadlines. But feeling that way makes the stress worse which makes me wanna do it all even less and it’s so hard to buckle down and be like ‘fuck off with being miserable and dO IT YOU SHITHEAD’, which i keep mentally grabbing myself and internally SCREAMING at the top of my lungs, when it all feels straight up meaningless anyway.

yikes.

[allegra0]

Belle and Sebastian 7/10/19

(a few more pictures and videos on my instagram)

I’M SO IN LOVE

The opening band was a group from Brooklyn called Barrie. They were cute! Idk really how to describe them except as like...dreamy indie pop. Some songs had serious psychedelic, Secret Machines-esque vibes. They were so good!! When the band walked on stage, some guy in the audience yelled "I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN" and I thought it was someone just making a stupid joke but no, there was actually a guy in the front row singing and dancing along to every single one of their songs. :') The lead singer/guitarist was super cute! At one point she was just like "I guess I should have expected what Belle and Sebastian fans would be like, but you guys are so quiet and polite...thank you for paying attention to us." :') Too cute. There are some opening bands I've seen where I'm dying for them to finish, but not Barrie. I loved every minute and I hope they go on to do great things! Belle and Sebastian. Omg, where do I even start. I loved them. I loved every single moment of their performance. Stuart...Stuart. Oh my goodness I can't even begin to say how much I love his stage presence, his energy, the way he connects with the audience. It's hard to take your eyes off of him. So I didn't. <3 Stuart and Stevie's onstage banter is silly and adorable. Sarah is the cutest and has a beautiful voice. Bobby is so gorgeous. Dave had a smile on his face the entire night. I couldn't really see Chris and Richard super well but I love them too. I was also right in front of their small string section and trumpet player which was cool!! They opened with I Fought In A War. Stuart had a red jacket on which was cute (but that came off pretty quickly cuz it was hottttt in there). What a beautiful track. I was just standing there like OH MY GOD THEY'RE REAL!!! I love that feeling. I'm A Cuckoo was next. So much fun!! Then they played Sister Buddha which I am OBSESSED with rn. Omg it was so good 😭. It was nice to see so many people in the audience singing along to a song that only came out a week ago! They had a choice for the fourth song and Stuart literally checked with every band member if they were ready for it (he was like “because something happens at the end and I know someone's going to mess up” JFLKDSJF). The song they decided to do was A Summer Wasting (one of my absolute favorites ♥) and they ended it with a brief cover of Mr. Tambourine Man! (And I think they all got it right!) The other option was She's Losing It which I also love but I'm happy with the choice they made. There were only a few songs I didn't know too well because I haven't listened to them too much - Wrapped Up In Books, Lord Anthony, Nice Day For A Sulk, Waiting For The Moon To Rise, There's Too Much Love - but they sounded amazing and I'll definitely be getting into them now! Also I loved how after every song the entire band was basically just like CHANGE PLACES and they all ran around to different parts of the stage and switched out their instruments 😂 We stan multitalented kings and queens! Sukie In The Graveyard and The Wrong Girl and Poor Boy were all a blast to dance and sing to. Jonathan David is another one of my absolute faves and it was perfection ♥. A fun story about Jonathan David: Stuart picked someone named Juliana to come dance on stage for this song, and when they first got up there, I saw them whispering something to Stuart. After the song was over, Stuart was like "Juliana told me a secret...they changed their name...and their name used to be Jonathan David." :0 He made the right choice! I didn't go on stage for The Boy With The Arab Strap. I chickened out :( lmao. Maybe I will in Boston. It certainly looks like fun! The crew that went on stage for Arab Strap also stayed up there for Step Into My Office, Baby (ANOTHER one of my all time favorites that I was not expecting to hear :') ahhh) which was cute! They ended the set with Le Pastie De La Bourgeoisie (AHHHH) and then the encore was two audience requests (!) - I'm Waking Up To Us & Judy and the Dream of Horses. Judy was a perfect song to end on. It was over far too soon. But I get to do it all again in Boston on Saturday night, which I'm SO excited about! :') I almost didn't go to this show, you know. I've had the Boston trip planned out for months, and when they randomly announced the Brooklyn show at the beginning of June, and I saw the price of the tickets (more than Boston) and the location (it's kind of out of the way), I was hesitant. But I have no regrets. It was worth the money, the stress, and getting lost in 90 degree heat. Best decision I've made recently. Love them. ♥

[cannedapricot]

Road Trip with! NCT Dream

the album,,,,,,, the mv,,,,,, i’m soft don’t touch me,,,,,,,,,,,, here’s a road trip au based on their mv to let my uwus out. also this gif makes me hella emo

hello

so i know school has started in most countries

but for this au, pretend that you’re still on summer vacation!!

aka what i wish i was on rn ugh

anyways!!

high schoolers! dream!!!

except-

mark’s already graduated high school

and will head off to his uni after the summer ends

then donghyuck, jeno, jaemin and renjun’s gonna graduate before next year summer

which really means

that it’s gonna be the last summer of your crew as high schoolers

this thought didn’t really go through your head until a week before school starts

when the 00 line fucking shows up at your door with their bags already packed

and bright smiles

you’re just like-

????when did we agree on a sleepover????

“hEY YOU UP FOR A ROAD TRIP TO COMMEMORATE OUR LAST SUMMER AS HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS?”

“uh-”

“come on, dear y/n, it’s not like you were planning on doing anything else”

you eyes narrow 

becaUSE DID THEY JUST ASSUME YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO

i mean,,,, they’re right tho,,,,, all you’ve done all summer is laze at home because it’s way too hot outside,,,,,,,,but,,,,,,,,,,,,

“can,,,,, you even drive tho”

“hahHAHAHAHAHAH DONGHYUCK? DRIVE?” 

“i even don’t trust him with my fish what makes you think i trust him with the wheel”

“okAY JUST BECAUSE I FAILED MY DRIVING TEST TWICE DOESN’T MEAN YOU GUYS CAN BULLY ME”

fuck no one’s sane here

but what’d you really expect from two jocks and two art geeks

the same jocks and geeks that pushed you back into your own home and watched as you packed

wipes away tear

“why am i always forced to do dumb shit with you guys”

“whAT DO YOU MEAN????”

and so you were pushed out the door after having a word with your parents

who only agreed to let you go cause they deemed renjun trust worthy

because he’s the only one who at least acts normal around your parents

“whoSE CAR ARE WE EVEN U S I N G- oh”

right on the curb parked mark’s old and stuttering blue car.

on which he sat in the driver’s seat, trying to get the old thing to play music

“are you sure we’re not gonna die”

“nope, but it’s the only car we have available”

jeno whispered in response, throwing your bag in the trunk

“ah, y/n, i see you’ve been successfully dragged into hyuck’s dumb idea”

donghyuck climbs into the passenger seat next to mark, 

flipping his friend off in the proccess

“you are all here because we are all friends and we love each other”

you, being squashed in the back seat:

“no - not really”

“wtf jaemin there’s another row of seats in the back stOP TRYING TO PUSH ME OUT”

“BUT I WANNA SIT WITH Y/N????”

“fucking donghyuck”

“WHY ME???? WHAT HAVE I DONE????”

wow great start to your trip 10/10

picking up chenle and jisung literally took five seconds

they lived next to each to each other

and it only took one excited nod from chenle for jisung to tag along

and that’s the story of how you ending up being in a shotty blue car with seven teenage boys

miles from home on an empty ass road

screaming the lyrics to micheal jackson songs into the heat (thanks to dj haechan)

at least mark got the speakers to work again

“wherE ARE WE EVEN GOING???”

“IDK LOL”

“WAIT WHATTHEFUCJ-”

at one point, jisung and chenle at the back decided to sit up onto the car, with their legs on their seats

“I’M PRETTY SURE THAT’S ILLEGAL AND DANGEROUS”

“yOlO!!1!1!!!1”

“how the fuck do i disown them”

“push them off”

everything was going swimmingly

until the car breaks down in the middle of the road

“i knew this was gonna happen sighs”

mark then jumps out to check the hood

then immediately notices something wrong rip

“hyuck, pass me the box in the glove box.”

“you’re prepared???? does this happen often or????”

so mark tries to fix the car in the blistering heat with renjun nagging beside him, holding an umbrella to hide the two of them from the sun

whilst the rest of you start playing uno on the back of the car

multiple times, not once, buT MULTIPLE TIMES

CHENLE HAS LOOKED AT YOUR CARDS

HE’S DOESN’T EVEN TRY DEFEND HIMSELF WHEN YOU POINT IT OUT

WHAT A LITTLE SNAKE

“FOR FUCKS SAKE ZHONG CHENLE IF U DON’T STOP I SWEAR-”

jisung won every round 

which made the rest of you bond trying to break his win streak

“jeno do you have a plus four to screw him up with”

“i only have a green plus two if that helps”

and that kinda goes on until mark lee emerges from behind the raised hood, telling y’all to give the car a push

“yeah just a second, jisung’s finally losing-”

“hA YOU THOUGHT”

THROWS DOWN FIVE NINES

INFURIATING

everyone grumbles as they hop off and start pushing

“lets just put our rage into pushing this stupid car”

which ends up moving easier than y’all thought it would

so the seven of you stumble a little when the car started moving by itself

mark nearly drove away himself lmao

made the group of you chase after the car for a moment lmAO

you wished he did drive off though because the second the car starting moving with everyone back on,

he yells,

“lET’S GET IT”

“siri where’s the nearest bus stop to get home”

“HSEGFSUEF NO I’M SORRY :C”

then as the day slowly got darker,

your screams didn’t die down lol

the latest feud was over chocolate vs vanilla

and you honestly think about how you got stuck in a group of dumbasses

“remember when hyuck hated jaemin and jeno back in freshman year lol”

“nO SHUT UP RENJUN”

“LMAO DIDN’T HYUCK DISLIKE THEM BECAUSE THEY CHUCKED A BASKETBALL AT HIS HEAD”

“what you still remember that? i’m sorry hyuck :’cccccc”

“NO JENO I’VE FORGIVEN YOU AGES AGO- FUCKING RENJUN-”

the group of dumbasses did make you laugh though

so maybe it wasn’t so bad

night then came and the conversation finally started to tone down

mark pulls to the side of the road 

“let’s call it a night, yeah?”

the rest of you mumble in agreement

“our last summer as high schoolers huh”

you hum, running your hands through jaemin’s freshly dyed candyfloss hair

“but will anything change even if you guys graduate?”

chenle asks from the back, head on jisung’s shoulder

“not much, i don’t think. we just won’t see each other as much.”

it was a clear night, and the stars were brighter than ever

everyone was staring up at the night sky, enjoying the cool breeze

“we always have summer right?”

a round of agreement sounded before jeno cuts through-

“does this mean we’re going on another road trip next year?”

“way to ruin the mood jeno”

“oh please no, i don’t think i can handle another one with you dumb fucks”

lies

you loved every moment with them

“this is a cute moment and all, but can jaemin get off of us now?”

renjun asked, referring to the long boy sprawled on top of jeno, renjun and you

“i was planning on sleeping in this position tho-”

he didn’t get to finish his sentence before the three of you pushed him off

mark chuckled before leaving his seat to pull the hood over the open seats

“good night”

you were shook awake by mark the next day, greeted with a sky that wasn’t even awake

“what’s going on?”

“fancy watching the sunrise?”

turns out, mark woke up earlier than the rest of you and drove to an empty beach to watch the sunrise together :’)))))))

you stumbled out of the car, legs soft from sitting for too long, finding the rest of the boys sitting on the hood of the car and on the concrete in front

donghyuck pats the space next to him and you hop on top of the creaky car

“is this safe”

“probably not”

“ o h “

it’s all quiet before the sun starts coming up

then gasps were heard and wishes were made

and it was all heartwarming :”)))))

before all of you made a dash to the cold ass water

trying to chuck mark in

“whY ME????? I DROVE Y’ALL HERE”

“YOU’RE LEAVING THAT’S WHY”

“SBRGOSBEGOSBAE??????”

S P L O S H

chenle was screaming the entire time

then one idiot cough hyuck cough accidentally chucks sand into mark’s blue car

which then leads to mark pulling the squad into a self wash station

“come one guys let’s wash this car together!!1!1! wE’rE aLl In ThIs ToGeThEr”

“wow i suddenly dont know you”

then some idiot coUGH HYUCK COUGH starts chucking suds at everyone

AND JAEMIN’S LOWKEY TRIGGERED BECAUSE NOT HIS NEW HAIR

SO HE FIRES BACK

AND RENJUN WHO WANTED TO HOSE THE SUDS OUT OF HIS HAIR ENDED UP FIRING WATER AT CHENLE’S FACE

EVERYONE STARTED LAUGHING LIKE NO TOMORROW AND YOU GOT A GOOD VIDEO OF IT LMAO

AND EVERYTHING JUST ENDED UP WITH EVERYONE GETTING A FREE SHOWER AT THE STATION

and renjun getting pinned to the car by jeno but u h 👀👀👀👀👀👀 

y’all end up drying yourselves by sitting under the hand dryers in the bathroom

“at least we don’t have to worry about showering”

“hyuck you started this shut up”

hopping back into the small car, the group decides to start heading back

mainly because your snack supplies were running low

but also because you don’t think the car’s gonna survive any longer

but mostly because snacks were running out

“chenle ate all the fucking pocky”

“nO JISUNG DID”

“WTF-”

“i love best friends throwing each other under the bus”

taking a shorter route home, you stop at a basketball court to move a around for a while

“why is jaemin and jeno on one team, they’re the star basketballers of our school tf i call bs”

“you literally picked your own team-”

nomin vs the rest of u fuckers

no surprise, nomin won

now you guys owe them mcnuggets

“hA SU C C”

“let’s leave them behind quiCK TO THE CAR”

mark: trips over own laces running

in no time, you were in front of your own house again

unlike before though, you lowkey didn’t want to leave your friends

“i still can’t believe that we ran out of snacks in a day and a half-”

“blame chenle”

“hEY-”

renjun pats your shoulder as jeno and jaemin go get your bag for you

“we’ll be living and sleeping at mark’s place until he leaves. you’re welcome to join”

mark from the driver’s seat: what.

and as they drive away with mark questioning when this was decided,

you head back inside to restock you bag, leaving for mark’s house just a few hours later

when high school started up again, you weren’t surprised to see renjun having chensung in headlock in front of your locker

whilst hyuck just whispers-

“right in front of my goddamn salad” at the sight

creaking open your locker, the first thing you do is stick up a group photo taken on your trip

nomin lean on your shoulders, craning their neck to look at the photo

“we look dumb”

the picture was taken by mark setting a timer on his phone then running to join the picture 

everyone was lined up, leaning against the old blue car against the sunrise

but mark bumped into haechan who bumped into jeno, who bumped into jaemin etc etc

and the picture ended up coming out with everyone slanting as y’all fell in a domino effect

but the smiles on your faces were precious :’))))))))

“i think it’s cute” 

you say, closing your locker, ready to face another year with these fuckers.

hi i’m apri and i present to you yet another unedited piece of shit :’)

listening to the dreamies’ album while writing this made me really emo about mark’s graduation so it got really deep in the middle im s o r r y

[sumquiasum]

Tagged by @violet-nocturne, thank you Sofi ily

rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you would like to get to know better

nickname: ami, vaike

zodiac: Aries Sun, Sag moon, Cancer rising

height: around 170 cm

last movie i saw: What We Do in the Shadows (thanks letterboxd.)

favourite musician: MIKA, Panic! at the Disco, Stromae (I'm rediscovering his music and I'm just blown away all over again) and Bastille but mostly for the lyrics

song stuck in my head: whenever I see this phrase, I immediately have Favourite Record by Fall Out Boy playing in my head because of the line "you are the song stuck in my head / every song that I've ever loved / play it again and again and again / and you can get what you want but it's never enough" (might be wrong, I've never looked up the lyrics but that's what I always hear)

do i get asks: if I haven't just reblogged an ask game, no (and even then I sometimes don't)

other blogs: too many. a lesbian blog @talking-lesbianly, my writblr @writtelings, an always sunny and a twilight blog, a quote blog, a blog where I compile resources and references and many more.

following: 548

favourite song: right now it's hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have - but i have it by Lana del Rey and Good Wife by MIKA (I'm in a bit of a Mood atm but it's alright). an all-time favourite is House of Memories by Panic! at the Disco

amount of sleep: 5-13 hours

lucky numbers: 3, 7, 21 (so I'm excited for my birthday this year!!)

what am i wearing: pjs, I just woke up

dream job: something that will pay the bills and leave me with enough energy to pursue other interest after work. or, if we're talking "dream job" in the sense of "will never happen anyway", then I'd say actress atm

dream trip:  I'd really like to see the ocean again, I miss it. Also mountains would be nice, I've been in flat land for so long. My next trip is gonna be with my family (I don't know where to cause we're not done planning that) and after that I'm gonna go to Serbia with two friends and I'm excited for both of those!!

favourite food: uhm... probably domoda with couscous, and macarons (at literally any given moment I'd love to be eating macarons they are the perfect pastry, especially French ones cause they're not as overly sweet as the ones they make here in Germany) oh, and also persimmons, they are incredibly delicious!

instruments i play: piano and recorder (gave a little concert with my brothers for Christmas), I also used to play the oboe

last book you read: Jean Rhys's Voyage in the Dark and even though it was for class it was one of those books that just touched me on a personal level. I don't know if I love it but I'm looking forward to reading it again.

last song you  listened to: No Place in Heaven by MIKA

random fact: I like doing card tricks even though a) I'm not very good at them yet b) I only know four (but that's four more than the avarage person so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) sidenote: I also just got my period what kind of witchcraft is this

describe yourself as an aesthetic thing: a library filled with the smell of books, rays of sun dancing through the window and a spring breeze that brings the smell of new flowers and freshly cut grass

tagging: I can't think of anyone rn cause I just woke up but if you wanna do it, feel free! I always like reading these! (you can even request to be tagged if you feel more comfortable with that)

[xqueenofthecraziesx]

I've already vented to 2 people about this but I am Going Through It rn and just need to vent my same thoughts and frustrations to The Void of Tumblr.

My job does not pay me enough, and I've known that my job doesn't pay me enough. But it's never really been an issue. Like it has, but it'd been a handleable issue.

But yesterday a friend messaged me and it really put into perspective how much my job is not paying me enough. My friend was supposed to be leaving on a trip but tested positive for covid and was telling me how she'll have to reschedule it, and how she got insurance on her plane ticket but they were only $260 and if she couldn't get it back it's not really an issue. I did the math and that's almost 3 full days of me working. If I couldn't get back 3 full days of work I wouldn't be able to reschedule a trip because I'm not sure I'd ve able to properly make up that money. (Also this post is not shade towards my friend or anything like that, I feel awful for her that she has to miss her trip I know she was really excited. That was purely to explain a specific perspective) And that just got me thinking of all the other things I can't afford, I had to miss an insurance payment to my mom to make sure I could pay for the eye doctor(and I still haven't bought new contacts yet), gas is $4.50 so I haven't seen my game night group in over a month bc I literally can't afford the gas in my car to drive a 3 hour round trip once a week, I've wanted a specific tattoo for almost 2 years and haven't been able to comfortably save for it bc that money can always be used towards something better. Granted I'm not the best at saving money and I can be impulsive, but when I was a server I could just pick up an extra shift and make the money back or grab a shift if I knew there was something coming up I wanted to do. I don't have that at my current job. I work 40 hours a week and it feels like I can only afford to work. Also I can't choose my off days and they can't be next to each other unless I request off bc I have things to do. My bf mentioned that my current job isn't stressful and if I picked up serving again it would be, but honestly the lack of stress at my job does not make up for the stress it's causing me in the rest of my life, not having comfortable money and not seeing my friends. I really do like my job, but it's not enough for me to live the way I want to.

I'm just so anxious about it all. But realistically I know if I started serving again I'd be anxious at first but once I got in the swing of things I'd be fine. Like I thought about this a lot since yesterday and didn't have any anxiety dreams so maybe that's a good sign.

I think my plan is to look at some super part time serving gigs, like nights 3 days a week when I get off my normal job. I think I'm gonna talk to my gm about it and let her know and maybe I'll cut a day at my current job if/when I start up somewhere else.

Honestly I'm just lost, and tired of only treading water.

[cicinicole-14]

coco’s college story

I just need to vent and get things off my chest. this is going to be quite long, and I’m going to add more to this, but we’re starting a new segment on this blog called #coco’s college story. I’m going to get personal and real and you don’t have to read, but I just need to write it all out. feel free to come talk if you feel inclined to. and since this will be long, I’ll put it under the cut. lets hope everything is spelled right...

college really sucks sometimes. I’m really stressed out from it and I have no idea what to do or what I am doing. 

I’m going to start at the beginning, or try to at least. which, brings me to grade 11. I think this is really where it started. everyone was starting to take the ACT/SAT (American standardized tests required for most college admittance) and I hadn’t even begun to think where I truly wanted to go for college. yet some kids in my class had already started applying wtf. all I thought I knew was that a. I wanted to go out of state and b. I wanted to go far from home and c. I wanted to be a doctor. 

summer of 2016 (summer after I finished 11th grade) I was in Virginia visiting my best friend Autumn (she plays a huge role in this). Autumn is 6 months older than me and would be at this time starting her first semester at GMU in the fall of 2016. so she asked me where I wanted to go to school. my reply? “haha that’s a great question!!! I have no fucking clue.” (literally word for word) and she was like “apply to GMU!!!” and I was like, “dude, Noah fence but you’re going there to be a hISTORY major and I literally slept thru that class for all of middle and high school. nah fam” and she’s like “yeah, but they have a great science program and then you can go to Hopkins after.” so I was like ok maybe. so I did what everyone does best: listed my pros and cons

pros: 

going to school w/ bff since age 3

1,025 miles from home and from my mother* 

good science program so I can be a dr?? 

location wise: gr8 bc autumn’s fam lived 2hrs north and my stepsister (who I’m close with) lived 2hrs NE and its a 2hr plane ride home to florida

cons: 

is hella expensive**

1,025 miles from home 

current number of people I know going to this school: 1 (and pls note: I hate doing things alone even tho I love to be alone. idk how to explain this but like like I enjoy being alone but I don’t like being alone. I know some of y’all understand this?)

leaving friends I have in florida

tbh, the pros outweighed the cons and I applied to GMU and I was accepted. (I applied to other schools and got accepted to one and denied at another because they closed the program I was applying for but I can assure u had they not, I would’ve gotten accepted)anyway, I took my ACT in October of 2016 and got accepted to gmu in December of 2016. I think that’s really when the stress started kicking in, because while I was happy to be accepted to my dream school, I had a lot of emotions I wasn’t ready for and then later on experienced them. 

2017 started off decently. I went into the second semester of senior year knowing I was accepted and 100% planning on going to my dream school, ready for a new future, ready to leave Florida, excited about going to Italy that march with my class etc… 

but it also brought hard times because I ended my friendship with one of my best friends in the whole world: olivia. we were inseparable and had been for 8 years and knew each other for 13 years. it was seriously really hard, especially because not only was I close to her, I was close with her mom, little brother, big sister, niece and nephews. it really sucked. 

and, I had the daunting task of telling my mother I was going to Virginia for college. 

now, as some of you may know, my relationship with my mother is very strained. and whenever I refer to my “parents” on Tumblr, I’m talking about my dad and stepmom, because I always refer to my mom (as mother) separately. and add to the fact, my mother flipped out on autumn’s mom a few years ago and told them to never speak to me again. so, since I was 12 years old, my mom has had no idea I’ve kept in touch with autumn and still has no idea I go to school with autumn. (my dad and stepmom love her family and her and see no problem with them same as me and she’s my best friend and my mother has issues we will not be addressing rn) anyway, so I didn’t tell my mother I got accepted to GMU until April of 2017. (mind you, I found out mid-december and my dad found out when I got the email because I made Claudia stop the car before we headed to a Christmas party lol) and so I told my mom in April that I was going to GMU and she asked me if autumn went there and I lied right thru my teeth and told her I had no fucking clue because we weren’t friends, remember? and that was one big thing that really started the stressing because a. I didn’t have olivia there as my bff to help me thru the stressful time, and b. I so badly wanted my mother to be happy for me but I knew deep down she really wasn’t because she also flipped out a bit and was like “wtf ur going to college? u leave in august?” and I was like yeah, what did you expect me to do?” and honestly, she was angry about it, but I was an adult, its my life and she had no say in where or whether or not I was going to college. 

so, fast forward to college. idk how chronological this will be so we’re just going to list some stressors I’ve had with college. 

it’s 1,025 miles away from home

I grew up in a town in Florida, in the same neighborhood I was brought home from the hospital in (I almost said same house, but I moved down the street long story…) I went to a preschool from ages 2-4 and then started elementary and middle school ages 5-13 at one school and then half of my eight grade class went to my high school. and I was there for four years. these people were family. out of the 7 people who went to high school with me, 4 I knew since kindergarten, one I knew since fifth grade and the other since sixth and the last one was me. and I made two friends (chelsey and Claudia) in ninth grade who are my sisters. I love them both so much. I would talk thru fire for them (and autumn, Robyn and belle ofc but we’re talking about my friends at home) anyway, I grew up there. Florida is my home. I like small places. I lived in a kinda small city in my two bedroom condo with my parents and doggo and I had neighbors who I’d known most of my life. my whole family was in Florida basically, minus my aunt (dad’s sister who we visit in NY or she’d visit us).

I was leaving my friends

I went from seeing Claudia every day in school, and once every two weeks during the summer or a few times a week because of our movie dates lol, and chelsey who graduated the year before me and lived an hour away from me at home, made it a point to still come to my school to see me and sleep over at my house, and then during the summer she came over once a week and stayed over. I saw them all the time. we’re three peas in a pod. I saw them a lot. and I only have 5 really close friends. friends I would walk thru fire for, and trust with my life. mentioned above: Claudia, chelsey, autumn, Robyn and belle. and we all have different relationships. autumn moved away when I was 11 and I coped with that in middle school (another dark time in my life) and I learned to live with that. Robyn and belle I met over Tumblr, so I’d never entertained the prospect of seeing them regularly. (tho Robyn and I have kinda made a pact of visiting each other during the summer and thus every other summer I get to see belle when Its my turn to visit Canada) but chelsey and claudia? I saw them a lot, and I hadn’t had to cope with a friend, who I saw a lot and was inseparable with, be away from me for a huge long period of time in a long time (age 11). and to add to the fact, both chelsey and Claude go to school at home and they became close with my family too so like idk it all just kinda fell apart 

I get really homesick/leaving my parents and dog

this one wasn’t as bad solely because, I left home august 2nd. I was traveling by myself most of this month. I saw my parents at the end of the month when they held me move in for college. then, I got a surprise visit from them and my doggo in September because they drove up to my sister’s house 2 hrs from my school to escape the hurricane that was to hit Florida (bless, my house was fine). then I saw them again in October, because my sister got married!!! and thanksgiving I saw them again, November, because ofc its thanksgiving ill see them, even though it flew by. and now here, its December and I’m going home for a month. so I’ll see them thru January. and then lbr, because my dad works in Maryland a lot, he’s probably gong to be up north most of 2018 too and he vowed to visit me when he could because he’s a mush and misses his kid even if he denies it. also, the homesickness; I don’t like being away from people/be by myself in a house for an extended period of time, but I kinda built up my tolerance because my dad travels a lot and I have speration anxiety from it (he travelled all my life and I was left with my mother for a lot of it so stress but I built up a tolerance for it when I was like 15 and my homesickness started getting better from then on out) and like I did really well when I spent 8 days in Italy without my parents etc which I only had 1 tiny little freak out and Claudia helped me thru it and was proud at the fact that I only had one like 2 days in to the trip and was fine after that. 

my life plan

holy f u c k. ever hear the saying like “you plan and god laughs”? well, holy fuck, it can’t be more true. I don’t care what god or thing you believe in, its fucking true. I’m a planner. not a detailed one, but its a rough outline, I have a plan of my life, roughly outlined; its got a few bullet points mainly looking like this:

my life:

go to college out of state

make money

be a doctor in the nicu

be a mom/foster/adopt kids

own lotsa pets

have enough money to build my own house

were going to focus on the “be a doctor” point. because this is where everything got fucked. 

since I was five years old, five. I wanted to be a doctor. since that age, I narrowed down the specifics and specialty etc. I picked out what school I wanted to go to for medical school and whatnot. I’ve wanted to be a doctor since I was five fucking years old. 

college has since changed that plan...

about a month into school this semester, I changed my major of–––biology degree> medical school> be a doctor to uh, now I’m currently in the pre-nursing (BsN) program at my college (and I’m minoring in photography, but that I knew about and hasn’t changed). I remember this day very clearly when I decided. it was a Monday. idk the date, but it was Monday and I was sitting in the JC (the main campus building) with autumn eating food and I was like “I’m having a crisis and I want to change my major to nursing” and so then I called my dad and told him I was going to do it. thankfully my while family was very supportive (minus my mother I have not talked to her since September[?]***)

so that happened, and threw me for a loop. 

college is just extremely different in general.

I really don’t even know how else to categorize this. so here are just random things. 

professors are weird. all of them. no matter their age: which this ranges too because I have some that are like two coughs away from dying and others who are literally only like 5 years older than me… fucking weird. 

your syllabus is your fucking roadmap. don’t fucking lose it. 

nothing ever gets graded at a decent time. I literally got two papers back without grades on them and they aren’t online either but the prof said that they’re recorded in the gradebook he has so like????

I grew up going to private christian schools since I was 2… which means no cussing in class and wearing a uniform and your parents drive you to school, we don’t have busses. 

college: no dress code. I wore pj’s (with jack skellington on them) to class and Christmas and halloween printed leggings and hoodies with just a bra underneath and fucking whatever the hell I wanted to class, strapless/sleeveless dresses, whatever. my professors cusses in classes/lectures. I was taken back by this at first. but thoroughly loved the chillness and laid-backness that classes had tho because I could say whatever I wanted (vulgarity wise). and I now blame my worsening swearing habit on college because I’m not in christian private school or nannying 3x a week anymore so I haven’t needed to curb my language… walking…everywhere… I live on campus in a dorm without a car (autumn has one but we really only use it to run errands on Fridays) and damn that was a shock. because while yes, I lived in a smallish city and there was a Walmart and dollar store close to my house to walk to if I was bored, I didnt really walk much, we drove a lot. because my school was 15 miles away. and like idk nothing wasn’t super close. and now here that I live on campus, my whole life is here. I eat sleep and breathe campus, so I walk everywhere. to all my classes, to get food, well thats basically it because thats all college leaves you time for… 

college is stressful. 

and finally, here are more things that I wasn’t expecting. 

I didn’t realize it was going to be this difficult. Im currently taking 6 classes (16 credits altogether) and out of those 6 classes, I’m currently passing 2 I think? college is fucking hard. it didn’t help that I had a few major major major anxiety attacks and literally disassociated with everything for a week, two different times, plus I got sick with a nasty ass cold, and like idk, just it sucked. I moved 1,025 miles from home and then homesickness an that reality of “I’m living a thousand miles from home by myself” hit me. and I literally know no one here except autumn who I see once a week on Fridays. (because we both have off) and like it killed me. I left my only home I’ve ever known. I moved my whole life here. and I had a shocking realization that yeah, I’m going to Florida during breaks and whatnot, but I left Florida August 2, 2017 and I knew it was for good. I packed up my whole room last summer and knew that when I got on the plane, I wasn’t going to ever be coming back home home for good. I left my keys on the kitchen counter and said goodbye to my room. and yes, its still my room, but it’s been a guest room for the past few months and its not my room anymore. I did move out. and so that hit me too. 

and I’m alone here. I had a mental breakdown one day when I was texting chelsey and Claudia and all I really wanted was a hug from them but they’re a thousand miles away and couldn’t give me one, so I was stuck crying in the middle of our campus chick-fil-a. and so I texted autumn at 9am on a Thursday and she came in her pj’s and walked across campus to give me a hug so I could hug her, cry on her shoulder and breathe a little easier. 

and while I know this decision to move states away and leave everything I’ve ever known was hard, I know it was the right decision and the best decision I ever made, and the scariest.

I know that because if I went to school at home, I would Never have ended up moving out. I know I needed to experience college dorm life, and living by myself more, and being independent. I know for my health––mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally––it was for the better. mentally: I am able to escape my mother being here where she can’t visit me or I won’t run into her here. physically: I walk everywhere and I’m attempting to eat healthier etc… spiritually: I’ve had a rough time with my faith, but I’m a christian and like autumn helps me a lot with this in strengthening my faith etc etc, (I’m more spiritual than religious) and emotionally: I’ve been able to heal and accept who I am, and I came out as bi to my friends, currently 4/5 of them and all of you guys. its a new zone here and I can live and be free and be me. I don’t have to worry about the people I knew from high school judging me because I’m bi and we went to a christian school etc. I’m who I am here and my decision to move here has helped me grow. 

and also, yeah, I’m stressing currently about my future, but I’m going to take it a day at a time. I’m failing classes right now, but I’ve realized thats because I haven’t been on my A-game. I went thru a major life change, I’ve had a bit of family health issues, I’ve had to deal with a lot of issues and stress surrounding my mother and my relationship with her since starting college, and like a lot more, and so I have decided that while I had a mental breakdown about not making it into the nursing program, I’m going to take it slowly. fuck doing this all “fast and in four years and yada yada”. Its only been one semester, this is a whole new ballgame for me. college is so different from high school. so, I’m going to be better next semester, focus more on my passions, maybe take summer classes, and not pressure myself to be in the nursing program in my 3rd year, take my time. there’s no rush. 

notes:

*– mother and I have a very strained relationship due to her years of mental abuse (and very little but still prevalent physical abuse) towards me. I’ve been trying to get out from under her thumb since I was 10. moved in with my dad when I was 12 but since he travelled for work a lot, I stayed with mother etc until I was about 15 when I stayed with friends or by myself. and so being away from her like this has only brought peace and less fights because I don’t have to see her or talk to her

**– college out of state tuition is hella fucking expensive, but thankfully, my granddad had set aside money for his grandkids (there’s only 2 of us, me and my cousin Kiersten who is out of college now) and has put us thru school (private school) our whole lives. we have been blessed so very graciously with being able to go to any school we chose debt free because our grandpa has it covered no questions asked and truly its the best thing ever because while I grew up not worrying about tuition, I still grew up with a tight family income because mom had a fixed income and then when I moved in with dad, he worked for himself, so he has seasonal work… some months its great, other months were scrounging for the last few dollars to put food on the table… 

***–since moving to college and being out from under my mother’s thumb, I’ve been talking with my parents (again remind u this means dad and stepmom) about me needing to learn to heal and forgive and just live my life and I can’t do that if I keep having my mother call or text me or expect me to visit her etc… I’m an adult. I’m going home this Christmas to tell her that if she wants to be my mother in the long run, she needs to play by my rules, and this is now going to happen my way. I need to cut contact with her for however long. and she’s not to reach out to me. I need to be the one to do it because if she pushes it, our relationship is so strained right now because of her actions, if she attempts anymore, she’s going to lose me forever as her daughter and deep down, we both don’t want that. so I need space and need to learn how to forgive her. and she needs to get help and learn to be a better person herself. she needs to do a lot of things I’m not going to get into here but yeah, basically. 

so that’s it. this was really long and I’m sorry about that. if y’all feel inclined to talk to me about any of this, feel free to do so. I needed to talk through this. I’m probably going to talk about #coco’s college story a bit as my life goes on. I will keep everyone updated. college is stressful, and crazy, and scary and wild and fun and terrifying and a lot of emotions mixed in one

xx cici 

[vsirin]

yay i got tagged by @felleyan to answer these questions!! thank u!

Rules: Answer the 20 questions in a new post and tag 20 blogs you would like to get to know better.

Nickname: adi

Gender: ??? agender but also maybe genderfluid

Star Sign: taurus

Height: 5′4 :’( so short

Time right now: 9:52pm

Last thing I googled: “rami malek” bc i wanted to see when his bday was, and then right before that “i want to protect it meme” so i could use it in my tags lol

Favorite Bands: oohh lately INXS is all i listen to so it’s hard to remember anything before that... lol but i love twenty one pilots and panic! at the disco... and of course one direction is a Classic 

Favorite Solo Artists: george ezra!! and woodkid, hozier, lorde... i feel like im forgetting something super important but oh well

Song stuck in your head: ive been waiting to answer this one until a song IS stuck in my head so now one finally is and it’s kiss the dirt by inxs (such a good song to be stuck on tbh)

Last movie I watched: i don’t really watch many movies bc i watch more shows so i cant remember the last movie i finished but rn double indemnity is on for background noise

Last TV show I watched: black sails!! it’s been a while but im planning on watching the second to last episode tonight :’((

When did you create your blog: dec 6, 2012.. can’t believe it’s been 4 1/2 years

What kind of stuff do you post: anything i want!! lol, it’s literally whatever im into so it’s a mess

When did your blog reach its peak: honestly the Height was when i was a 1d niall blog, legit i was so popular i can’t believe it... i had like 16k (still have most of them actually) and got multiple asks like every single day... it was Wild. but for me, it’s height is right now bc i dont feel pressured to be a certain way and i just do what i want and dont rlly care about notes or followers

Do you have any other blogs: some super inactive reference blogs but none other than that

Do you get asks regularly: absolutely NOT lol i hardly get any asks ever

Why you chose your URL: i love vincent van gogh and all his letters/things he said are so motivational to me and he always signed his letters “ever yours, vincent”

Following: 38.... my dash is so dead and currently every post i would actually care about is blocked so i can avoid spoilers for mea and black sails (it’s not working)

Posts: 27,511 which isn’t as much as i expected tbh

Hogwarts House: gryffindor!!! although... the last time i took the test it was hufflepuff which is a lot more accurate HOWEVER when i took the test honestly when i was 12 i got gryffindor so that’s just who i am... my bravery will shine through one day

Pokémon Team: i dont pokemon i dont know what this means

Favorite colors: so many.. purple has been my fav forever but my top fav is probably maroon 

Average hours of sleep: usually 8 although not at the normal hours.. lmao like 2-10 

Lucky Numbers: i dont Need lucky numbers although i have a thing w/ 52... for some reason it’s always stood out to me so maybe that’s something

Favorite (manga) characters: im not into any mangas so im just gonna list my favs from other things

garrus (mass effect)

eugene sledge (the pacific)

bill adama (battlestar galactica)

chris (until dawn) 

i feel like i need a black sails fav on here but literally i couldnt choose between flint and silver :’( they’re both my sons who mean so much to me

there’s probably tons im forgetting and when i remember them i’ll be so upset i forgot them in the first place but oh well

How many blankets do you sleep with: like 3 or 4? i have a sheet and big blanket and then 2 fuzzy ones

Dream job: video game programmer!!! im so excited abt this and like... this could be a thing for my future and i CANNOT WAIT

Dream trip: AUSTRALIA!!! (although id like for it to be a permanent trip, i wanna live there so much) for a trip though listen up. i have to go here and do the whole beach camping thing... it looks so incredible

i definitely do not know even 20 people to tag but i’ll tag: @ageofthesith, @nickygrimms, @punkrockaries, and @lukearnold!!

[shrugman]

all of them ily facetime me

I’m half a bottle of wine in so this is the perfect time to answer this

1. Name: Michelle Bair

2. Birthplace: some airforce base in virginia 

3. Ancestry: general European, Scottish, and Native American

4. Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

5. Biggest fear: Abandonment 

6. Strength/Weakness: For the most part I’m pretty honest / I can’t make decisions if they impact other people

7. Worst habit: braiding and unbraiding my hair / shaking my leg

8. Favorite holiday: Halloween  

9. Ever been in a car crash: thankfully, no

10. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher: Paul omg

11. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house: drop whatever bag I’m holding

12. Age at first kiss: 14? Idk whatever the second half of 8th grade was

13. When did you fall in love for the first time: when I was 15

14. Who Is Your Longest Friend & How Long: Stephanie is my ride or die for like 11 years. Like literally I’d die without her I love her so much 

15. Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: pump that GPA up a bit

16. What were you doing at midnight last night: trying (failing) to sleep

17. When was the last time you laughed hard: earlier when I was telling Stephanie a story about my dad

18. Who was the last person that told you they love you: My dad 

19. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up yesterday morning: idk man probably a generic sound of unhappy

20. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with: I don’t even know because like what actually counts as a date?

21. Who’s wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen: never happened

22. Who did you see in concert first: Jimmy Buffet I shit you not

23. Who was your favorite teacher: Paul

24. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day: I text Stephanie 

25. Who do you think about most: probably Stephanie 

26. Is your ideal occupation? Optometrist 

27. Beer, wine, or liquor? liquor 

28. Favourite restaurant?  Saizeriya (it’s in Japan)

29. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla with cherry 

30. McDonlads or Burger King? McDonalds 

31. Fantasy dinner guest(s)? Kate McKinnon 

32. Have you ever been drunk? When was the last time? I’m like tipsy rn so? now? idk

33. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done drunk? honestly I don’t even known

34. Wonder Woman or Cat Woman? Wonder? idk

35. How many pets do you have? a single dog

36. What would be the first thing you bought if you won the lottery? idk something stupid like some cheese 

37. When was the first time you smoked? Like a cigarette? Never. Weed? Sometime last fall when I went camping 

38. Who last sent you a text? Stephanie 

39. Who did you last send a text to? Stephanie lmao 

40. What 4 things would you take to a desert island? i’d just die

41. Name the 3 most important people in your life? Shit this is hard because like obviously Stephanie but also my family and there are 4 people in that and I can’t pick whos the most important out of them so 

42. Favorite song? I honestly don’t know

43. Favorite movie? Heathers 

44. When did you last cuddle someone? fuck idk like late march early april?

45. When did you last have sex? see above

46. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first? probably either jump off a roof or tell my dad I’m into girls

47. What was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still feel the same about it at this minute? Abandonment, yes. Constantly 

48. If you could change one law of your country, what would it be? There are way to many fucked up things to even choose 

49. What relationships have ended? But you can’t let go? Idk there was one that at first I couldn’t let go but now I can so?

50. Where would you take a road trip? Albuquerque 

51. How do Mondays feel for you? during the summer, whatever. During the year, like i put a vacuum on my face 

52. If you could spend ten minutes with your ‘hero’ alive or dead what would you ask them? Omg Stephanie how did you get to Germany 

53. Do your practice ‘self love’ or ‘self loathing’? a weird combo of both tbh

54. What’s your greatest achievement to date? Idk I guess getting into JMU is p good 

55. What scares you about your future? That I won’t’ do well enough to get into Optometry school 

56. Why does pizza come in a square box? easier to transport 

57. What would happen if you knew you could not fail? so many things 

58. How does it feel to be photographed? sometimes I hate it but i like being able to look back on the moments 

59. If you could erase an event from your mind, which one would you choose? oh god... maybe seeing my dad cry while I went through security out of Japan for the last time 

60. Do you want your children (if you have any) to be ‘just like you’? No. I want my children to be better than me in every way so that once I’ve taught them all I know they can then teach me what they’ve learned 

61. Do you stand for what you believe in or are you pleasing others? I try to stand for it 

62. If money were no concern, what would you do for the rest of your life? If I had the talent, be a stage actor 

63. What are you thankful for, this moment? That surgery went well yesterday 

64. Do you have same sex fantasies? Well I mean, yeah 

65. If you have had sex in a public place, where? a pool locker room 

66. Have you ever cried during/after sex? nope

67. Who is the oldest person you’ve had sex with? Dylan

68. Who is the youngest person you’ve had sex with? Tori

69. Would you rather be in a relationship with a totally submissive partner or a totally dominant partner? Dom

70. How tall are you? 5′10

71. How much do you weigh? 144 which I was hype about because the last time I’d checked I was 150

72. What color is your hair naturally?  like dirty blondeish?

73. What size jeans do you wear? 8 I think but idk

74. What is your favorite color to wear?   black

75. Do you have any piercings?    just ears

76. Do you have any tattoos?    no

77. Do you care how other people see you?    I mean yeah

78. Do you like sports?  I love ballet but other than that no 

79. How do you feel about age differences in relationships?  It depends. Like below 25 if you have more than a few years I’m iffy, but the older you are the more lenient I am 

80. How do you feel about race differences in relationships?    idgaf

81. Do you believe in karma or fate?    yeah

82. Do you keep a journal? no   

83. Describe the last dream you remember: I can’t remember a recent one 

84. Describe your favorite dream: Don’t really have one

85. Where are some places you would like to visit? Canada, South America, Paris, etc   

86. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend? Paramore and Halsey but I’m too stressed about money to buy tickets 

87. What music do you listen to when you are happy? BTR and early 2000s songs rn

88. What music do you listen to when you are mad?  Breakup songs. I have a playlist

89. Do you like to burn candles or incense? Candles, yes

90. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? Wine

91. What are your favorite alcoholic beverages? I like sex on the beaches and vodka mixed with cranberry juice 

92. Do you smoke cigarettes or cigars? What about marijuana? no cigarettes or cigars. Tried weed twice but it didn’t work 

93. Who is your number 1 friend and why is he or she there? Stephanie becuase she’s always there for me and when everything in my life is falling apart she’s always my rock and I just love her so much 

94. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member? I don’t know what this means

95. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with? Of my current friends? Nah I don’t think so

96. Would you ever have sex in the shower or the bath? I DON’T WANT TO DIE

97. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex? yeah

98. Do you think your last ex still wants to be with you? //actual// ex? idk maybe 

99. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? been there, done that

100. What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual people? dude

101. How often do you brush your teeth? twice a day

102. How often do you shower?  When was the last time you had a shower? I try to shower every day. I just took a bath and then washed my hair with the shower head

103. How often do you shave your legs?  rarely lmao

104. Political affiliation? dude

105. Opinion on abortion? duDE

106. Opinion on immigrants/ immigration reform? dUDE

107. Should prostitution be legalized? honestly I don’t know enough to say

108. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? wtf kind of meta

109. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? it’s easier that way

110. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? just like... make everyone stop hating everyone else so much

111. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? acting

112. Would you break the law to save a loved one? 100%

113. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? well technically I live in both Germany and America so this question is too complex

114. Why are you the person you are? what

115. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? I try but I’ve had slipups

116. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? bc ppl suc

117. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? I’‘d probably be a lot more outgoing 

118. Were you happy when you woke up today? no

119. What’s a fact about the last person who text messaged you? Well my mom just texted me and she really liked turtles 

120. Want someone back in your life? At times, but then I remember they’re gone for a reason 

121. What are you excited for? PRAGUE

122. Are you scared to fall in love? sometimes 

123. When is your next road trip?idk

124. What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? told stephanie I love her

125. Do you like to cuddle? yeh

126. Have you ever kissed more than one person in 24 hours? maybe? idk

127. Plans for tomorrow? we’re going to see castles 

128. Do you care too much/not at all/just enough? too much

129. How is life going for you right now? :/

130. If you were offered a shot of whiskey right this second, would you accept? yep

131. This time last year, can you remember who you liked? tori

132. Could you stay in the same relationship for over a year? I mean I never have, but I think I could if the military would butt out 

133. If you could have one super power what would it be? transformation 

134. Background on your cell phone? the lockscreen is a gradient from purple to pink and the background is Tyler on a piano 

135. What are you thinking about right this second? these questions 

136. Last book you read? How was it? I Wrote This For You. made me cry. I loved it 

137. What is the last thing you bought? coffee at the airport 

138. Do you live with your parents? during holidays 

139. Have you ever been caught sneaking out? no

140. Have you ever met a celebrity? not like A-list

141. What are you like when you’re drunk?  super giggly 

142. What are you like when you’re high? idk

143. Do you want children? yeah

144. Do you want a church wedding? no

145. How many pillows do you sleep with? as many as I can 

146. Have you ever been scuba diving? nope 

147. Who was your first real crush? this guy Matt in 4th grade lmao

148. What are you allergic to? grass and pollen 

149. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? rn I like the name Vita but ask again in like 3 months 

150. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? Girl just because I feel like I’d be able to raise her better 

151. How did you get your name? My sister pointed at my mom’s baby bump and was like “Michelle!” and they were like ok

152. Name one thing about your body you love? my cheek bones 

153. What is your biggest goal in life? be happy. Like fully

154. Do you still have feelings for your ex? nah

155. Do you think aliens are real? YES

156. What age did you start drinking? my first drink was at 14 but I started like regulatory drinking at 17 

157. What do you think of President Obama? YES

158. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? nah

159. Describe your dream girl/guy? idk

160. Story of your first kiss? we were at a park 

161. Story of the first time you made out with someone? same as ^

162. Story of the first time you had sex? I went over to her house while her parents were at work 

163. When did you first have sex? when I was 18

164. First time you gave/ received oral sex? ^

165. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? nope

167. Favorite fictional character (movie, book, tv show)? Holtzman

168. How many followers do you have on tumblr? What about twitter/ instagram? 44/87/19

169. Are you friend with your parents on Facebook? yeah

170. First time you thought you were in love? When did you realize that you weren’t actually in love with that person? 14, when we broke up and I realized I was confusing a crush for love 

171. Do you talk to yourself? wayyyy too much 

172. How old will you be on your next birthday? 20

173. How did you meet the last person you kissed? tinder 

174. Do you have any hickies? not rn

175. Turn ons? being confident without being cocky 

176. Turn offs? acting like you’re entitled to me

177. What qualities did you get from your mom? petty, creative 

178. What qualities did you get from your dad? idiot, hard working 

179. How many siblings do you have? 1

180. Have you ever taken anyone’s virginity? yeah

that took so long omg. ily

[5hfanfiction]

FROM AFAR - CHAPTER 9

Lauren (9:54 am): Camz

Lauren (9:54 am): what time is your exam?

Lauren (9:54 am): i didn’t see you leave

Camila (10:00 am): after lunch

Camila (10:00 am): i left at 7:30

Camila (10:00 am): took me forever to fall asleep last night

Lauren (10:01 am): oh shit

Lauren (10:01 am): i saw you messing with your phone

Lauren (10:02 am): but i blacked out pretty soon

Camila (10:07 am): yeah i saw

Camila (10:08 am): there was a time that you got up and i thought you were talking to me

Camila (10:08 am): but then you turned to the pictures on the wall and you pointed at it

Camila (10:08 am): i don’t know if it was your dog or your little cousin

Lauren (10:12 am): OMG

Lauren (10:12 am): i remember that

Lauren (10:12 am): i remember getting up and saying something

Lauren (10:12 am): but i have no idea what was going on in my head

Lauren (10:12 am): hahahhaha

Camila (10:13 am): i was shit scared

Camila (10:13 am): not gonna lie

Camila (10:13 am): don’t ever do that again

Lauren (10:13 am): really?

Camila (10:13 am): yes lol

Lauren (10:13 am): ahahaha it was just a dream, camz

Camila (10:13 am): you can dream in your sleep

Camila (10:13 am): you don’t need to get up and talk

Camila (10:13 am): thank you

Camila (10:13 am): i don’t have to put up with that

Lauren (10:19 am): i think i was dreaming about cruella de vil

Camila (10:22 am): nooo

Camila (10:22 am): it was something cute

Camila (10:23 am): coz you talked with baby voice like you were talking to your dog or a kid lmao

Lauren (10:25 am): damn

Lauren (10:25 am): it was a dog for sure

Lauren (10:25 am): shit i can’t remember

Lauren (12:34 pm): good luck with the exam!!

Lauren (8:42 pm): mi casa, su casa

Camila (9:06 pm): i’ll come by in a while

Lauren (9:08 pm): after you ignored me….

Lauren (9:08 pm): i called you and you didn’t even look at me

Camila (9:10 pm): sorryyy

Camila (9:10 pm): in the hallway?

Lauren (9:17 pm): you little piece of shit

Lauren (9:17 pm): you know where

Camila (9:20 pm): i didn’t hear you, seriously

Lauren (9:20 pm): liar

Camila (9:20 pm): my roommate’s friends left *actually sobbing rn*

Lauren (9:20 pm): uhuuuull

Lauren (9:27 pm): anyway, if you wanna come by

Lauren (9:27 pm): i’ll be here :)

Camila (9:29 pm): okay

Camila (9:30 pm): be there in a bit

Camila (9:30 pm): i’m checking my email and i have to send something to lori

Camila (9:30 pm): but i’m not gonna sleep there

Lauren (9:30 pm): sure

Camila (9:30 pm): if i crash there pam will think i don’t live here anymore and she’ll bring more people

Lauren (9:30 pm): it’s okay

Camila (10:06 pm): are you going to study or watch another movie?

Lauren (10:07 pm): i won’t study

Lauren (10:07 pm): yeah we can watch something

Camila (10:09 pm): think about something to watch

Camila (10:10 pm): are you watching anything rn?

Lauren (10:10 pm): yeah it’s almost over

Camila (10:12 pm): let me know

Lauren (10:32 pm): come over bby

-

Lauren and I used to have our little banter almost every day and continued with our sleepovers. Yes, still holding hands with a very confused Camila. We both knew something was up but neither of us had ever said anything about the matter.

I shared an elective nutrition class with the rest of the group because Lori was too incompetent to find classes that would actually serve us somehow, and on that same week where everything was happening so fast between us, we had decided to look into our horoscopes during class. I know it’s disrespectful but that class was boring as fuck, and not one of us would had chosen to be there if we had a choice. Lauren used to sit beside me on the same desk every week and on that particular day we started to search for our zodiac signs personality traits. After reading up on everything, we switched to our weekly love horoscope. After we both silently read mine at the same time I felt the need to say something.

“Like I actually have a love life….that’s bullshit, nobody is interested in me anyway,” I purposely said. It wasn’t a complete lie though, I wasn’t accustomed to anybody taking notice in me but what’s new, right? But at the same time I wanted to get under Lauren’s skin, I knew she was paying attention to what she was reading, and she was paying attention to me. She didn’t say anything but I could feel her struggle to try to not look bothered by anything I had said or she had read. Also, I wanted to kind of provoke her, to maybe play hard to get by showing her that I wasn’t fully aware of her interest in me. Although I noticed those little things, I still wasn’t sure if what I was seeing was true, it could easily be my mind playing tricks on me. That was what confused me the most.

There has been a time when me and the girls crossed paths when I was coming back from class and they were going to theirs. We just exchanged a few glances and smiles, we had seen each other a few hours back after all, but Lauren complimented my outfit in a very suspicious way, at least that’s what I thought at the time. I just shrugged with wide eyes at Dinah and Ally like I didn’t understand why Lauren had said that, because they didn’t know about any of the stuff that was going on between me and her.

Another time she touched my leg from under the dining hall table, that little intimacy that most couples have, and I froze in place with the thought of possibly having that all the time in the future. She had flirted with me so many times which made me more confused. Sometimes I tried to distance myself from her, to try and sort things out on my own. Lauren was literally driving me crazy and I decided it was time for me to do something that either would confirm my suspicions or end everything for good. The only thing I was sure was that things couldn’t stay the way they were.

It was almost Halloween and we still didn’t know what to do. The fact that Dinah’s birthday was one day before halloween put some extra pressure on us to find something fun to do and celebrate both dates together. On one our little gatherings, Dinah found out that Skrillex was playing in New York City and she was a big fan. I wasn’t a big fan of his style of music and I knew neither Ally nor Lauren were too, but after seeing Dinah’s excitement we all agreed to go. She would be really happy and I would be spending Halloween in New York to the sound of a major artist of our generation so it was a win-win situation.

We didn’t have much time to plan our costumes, we didn’t have money to spend with that stuff too, we were already spending a lot with the bus and concert tickets. Needless to say that we wouldn’t book a hotel to spend the night because well, it was NY and the party would be going on through the whole night, so we’d catch the first bus in the morning.

The day of the show finally arrived. I had spent the whole week prior to that day discussing my relationship with Lauren with my friends from Australia, at the same time that everything was happening between us, and came to the conclusion that I would take that opportunity to solve the mystery once and for all. It was halloween and we’d be drunk for sure. If I tried something on her and things didn’t work out the way I had planned, I’d have the alcohol excuse and so would she. Also, It would be crowded and dark, and people wouldn’t pay attention to us anyway. That wouldn’t make it any easier though. It was a plan, but it would depend on me having the balls to do anything when the time comes.

We were getting ready to go and Lauren was doing my makeup because I’m too clumsy to do that kind of shit. We had decided to paint our faces like mexican skulls and just pick a black outfit. That would be cheap and it’d be cold there anyway. After everybody were done with makeup and clothes, we tried to take some photos. I have this weird habit of laughing at everything and anything, sometimes I would look at Ally and start to laugh out of the blue because I don’t know, her face was funny I guess. But this time I couldn’t stop laughing when we were trying to take pictures and the girls started to lose their patience, including Lauren. I literally couldn’t stop and it wasn’t my fault. They should’ve have known that at this point. But they behaviour towards me just made me grumpy afterwards.

“I can’t stop, it’s not my fault,” I tried to argue but I guess they didn’t care anymore. I was quiet for the rest of the trip to NY. As usual, Lauren sat beside me on the bus and guess what, Paul was bitching again.

“He said that he wasn’t okay with me going tonight but I told him on the day we had decided to go and he was fine with it. But now he’s changed his mind and told me to have fun and do what I’ve always wanted to do, like, what the fuck,” Lauren told me and I just laughed, I had to. I had nothing to say anymore and she knew it too. It was not my business and I was still pissed about the pictures earlier, but that piece of information gave me hope to what could happen later that night. Lauren was pissed at him and she sure would try to enjoy her time, just like he’d said. So I just closed my eyes and tried to rest for the rest of the trip.

We finally arrived and now was time to start drinking. We did know that you have to have money to drink in NY, so we had to drink beforehand because buying drinks there was a no-no. After eating some burgers and drinking some of our stuff, we headed to the pier where the event would take place. It was night time already and we gathered in line outside to wait for the gates to open. Ally and Dinah were drunk at this point, Lauren was tipsy but I wasn’t quite there yet.

“I wonder if today you’ll finally kiss a girl, Mila,” Ally brought it up. Indeed it was the perfect opportunity to finally lose my girl kiss virginity.

“I will try to help you, okay?” We were sitting on the sidewalk outside and I tried not to look at Lauren when our friend said that. I honestly didn’t know what would happen but I was okay with Ally’s help. I just shrugged at her comment not knowing what to say, but from my peripheral vision I saw Lauren getting uncomfortable with what she had said. Either she was planning on making a move too, or she felt awkward with the thought of me eventually kissing another girl that’s not her. But mostly likely it was just my imagination and Lauren was perfectly fine and didn’t care who I was kissing or not. By the time the gates were opened all of my friends were wasted, I felt like I wasn’t even near drunk which sucked because whatever would happen that night would require a drunk Camila.

So we bought a couple drinks from the bar inside the place and I almost had to sell one of my kidneys to pay for it but at least I would be drunk. We made our way to the front where some DJ was playing. The drinks were finally kicking in and the place was starting to get crowded. Ally decided it was time to put her plan on the move and started to ask any girl in front of her if they wanted to kiss me. I was so embarrassed at this point but she wouldn’t stop, until one girl gave me a peck on the lips. Of course it didn’t count as a kiss, in fact I had pecked my friends on the lips before, but that calmed Ally for a bit. I was glad to have her helping me, she didn’t know about Lauren but I knew she was just trying to help, and that I appreciated.

About an hour or so inside the party, and no sign of Skrillex yet, Dinah wanted to use the bathroom, so Ally went with her because the place was huge and it wasn’t safe to be alone in there and get lost, especially being drunk as we were. I stayed behind with Lauren. Neither of us were paying attention to the music at this point, it wasn’t like it we loved it anyway. We were talking when both of us spotted a guy near. He was handsome, so I turned to Lauren making an ‘ok’ sign with my hands to inform her about the cute boy. She then encouraged me to go talk to him. I don’t know why she did that, we were both intoxicated with alcohol but it really confused me.

I went anyway.

He really wasn’t into me, all he did was point in Lauren’s direction and I understood that he wanted her. I don’t know why but I was laughing like an idiot about the whole situation.

“Noooooo, she has a boyfriend,” I tried to speak over the loud music and turned in Lauren’s direction smiling like a retarded. But then he gave me a peck on the lips and kept pointing towards Lauren, like that was my reward for trying and now he had the right to claim his big prize. I didn’t care about it at the moment, I would choose her too because who wouldn’t? But that was a fucked up thing to do.

“Noooo,” I was trying to make him understand that he wasn’t getting anything from Lauren, not while I was around. The boyfriend excuse was valid but it didn’t apply to me. Also, I was okay with kissing other people and I forgot to think if that would affect Lauren’s feelings or not, if she had feeling for me at all. But at the same time I didn’t want her kissing somebody else besides me, just thinking about it scared me. What a hypocrite. I made my way back to Lauren’s side still smiling and leaving the stupid boy behind, it was funny when it happened and I didn’t care about any of it. I’m a really happy drunk person.

“What did he say?” Lauren was giggling.

“He wanted to kiss you but I said you were not available, stupid” I was giggling too. What an idiot. She didn’t say anything after that.

It was just me and her next to each other in the middle of the crowd and we hadn’t said anything for a while. Lauren was so close to me and I thought that was my chance, maybe the only I’d have, but I was fucking scared. I didn’t know what to do, “What does one do when trying to kiss a girl for the first time?”, “Should I ask her? No, that would be stupid”, my mind was running so fast. I thought about giving up the idea but I really wanted it to happen and I had promised myself to do something about our situation, there was a great opportunity and I wouldn’t waste it. So I just put my hand on Lauren’s lower back and that was it. It was what she was waiting for.

Lauren turned to me and we both leaned in for the kiss. It all happened so fast and so clumsily because of our conditions. It was a sloppy kiss. We were hungry for each other and our tongues were everywhere, so I intertwined my hand to Lauren’s hair for more stability. I don’t know how much that little make out session lasted but we both needed some air at some point. Now that Lauren’s lips weren’t against mine it felt kinda weird. I couldn’t look her in the eyes because I was so embarrassed about the kiss. That kiss mattered more than she would think. It wasn’t perfect or even romantic in a way, but it was my first time kissing a girl and that girl was nothing less than Lauren Jauregui. The Lauren that I looked after when she was sick. The girl that would hold my hand in her sleep, and cry on my shoulder when her stupid boyfriend was being an asshole. The one that would compliment me and give me attention when nobody else did. The one that could make me feel less lonely in the middle of my complex existence. What if she didn’t like it?

“The girls are taking too long”

“We should go look for them,” I couldn’t stay there alone with her with nothing to do or talk about. Ally and Dinah were the perfect excuse to get us out of that situation. I held her hand led her through the crowd. We met the girls halfway to the bathroom and now the four of us were making our way back to the same spot.

“Ally, I kissed Camz,” Lauren was giggling again and it seemed like she was drunker than before. Ally was so out of her mind and didn’t care much about it, just smiled. I pretended that I hadn’t heard it and continued making my way through the bodies in front of me. Not that they would notice if I did, though. When we reached our destination I rapidly grabbed my phone and texted one of my friends saying that I had finally kissed a girl. It may sound stupid and vain but it was a huge deal to me.

Friend: Okay, so you have to stop drinking now because I need you to remember every detail tomorrow when you tell me the full story, but I’m so happy for you, Mila <3

I laughed so hard at his words. I needed to tell my friends that it had finally happened, and it was Lauren, but that would have to wait until the next day. Yes, I would shamelessly kiss and tell.

[ifyouwerechurch8]

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs that you are obligated by this piece of trash to know

Thanks to @iwillbestrong97 for tagging me. Can’t really tag anyone else cause I don’t really know anyone so if you want to do it, feel free

Nicknames: my friend calls me Angel so I’d go with that

Gender: Female

Star sign: Leo

Height: 5′4

Time: 3pm

Birthday: August 14th

Favorite Bands: Fall Out Boy obviously, but I love Set It Off, Doll Skin, and Cobra Starship just to name a few others

Favorite Solo Artist: Bebe Rexha! Her music is so good and she is so nice to her fans!

Song stuck in your head: Can’t really say cause it doesn’t have a name yet, so I’ll say the last song I listened to, which would be Baby Blackout by Black Cards

Last movie: Snakes on A Plans

Last TV show: Star Vs The Forces Of Evil

Why did you create your blog: just as a think to kill time and post things I can’t post on Twitter

What do you post/reblog: Fall Out Boy and Soul Punk stuff primarily, but sometimes some important things involving LGBT rights and Net Neutrality.

Last thing I googled: “Gravity Falls episode list”

Other Blogs: Nope

Why URL: I can’t really explain it until January, but it’s a really clever line that I love.

I Follow: 49

Followers: 6

Amount of sleep: 4 hours cause I’m usually stoned most nights and go to sleep late

Lucky Number: 13

Instrument: Bass and Keytar are my main instruments unless you count singing

What are you wearing: black dress

Dream Job: Musician

Dream Trip: CHICAGO! I actually am going there for reasons this summer and I'm so excited!

Favorite Food: Pizza and Fries (with a lot of salt)

Favorite song rn: Fool Like Me-Cobra Starship

Last book I read: Technically Fall Out Toy Works is a comic, but it was the last thing I read.

Tags: I literally know nobody except the person who tagged me so…

[samanthasroberts]

Pretty Little Liars Recap: Confessions Of A Mid-20’s Drama Queen

Welcome back to another week where I sit through my own personal hell, aka , and try not to put myself into an alcohol-induced coma. And shoutout to all the keyboard warriors who love to type shit in the commentsyall take this show way too seriously.

We start with Mona and Emily discussing Charlotte, who apparently stood Mona up the night of the murder. What kind of loser gets stood up by another chick at a shitty diner?

Emily is like and Monas like, uh no? I feel like thats pretty much the only answer you can give at that point. Emily figures that Mona changed her mind in the trial so that Charlotte would be out of jail and Mona could get to her, which is like real far-fetched.

Mona is like and OKAY thats a line straight out of .

Chris Hanson: Did you know that this was a 13 year old girl? Mona: I, uh, just came to talk to her.

Monas like *what would you do if your son was at home, cryin all alone on the bedroom floor.* and Ems like Monas like, well even if I wanted to kill her, she fucking stood me up so yeah. Of course, this whole conversation is overheard by A.

Aria is like,lets tell the police it wasnt me at the diner! Arias really seen some shit lately. She got burnt and questioned by the police. All Hannas had done to her is getting shitty room service food with a cryptic note. Spencer is like,

Lucas is back. Goddammit. Anyways, he overhears Hanna talking to weird ass Jordan on the phone, and is like Hannas like, Where are you gonna seat him Han? No one wants to sit next to the virginal weird kid from high school. You cant just mix the band geeks with the Plastics, thats not how this works.

Besides, there is this scenario:

Priest: Speak now or forever hold your pe- Lucas: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Hanna is like, . Wear those ties Lucas, you look like a second place winner at a science fair. He tells Hanna that hes thinking of buying some factory and giving Rosewood a second chance. LOL rookie mistake.

Ali and Snaggletooth are being sexually aggressive in some shit bed and breakfast somewhere in bumfuck nowhere, East Coast. The Ali from Season 3 would have been honeymooning in fucking Paris rn. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Speaking of falling, Ali trips on her skanky heel and takes a tumble down the stairs, effectively knocking herself out. OKAY, did I not set that up just perfectly?

Alis in the hospital with a concussion, and Snaggle is like, you need to stay in the hospital. Shes like and its like, because thats how injuries work dumbass. The manager of the shit hotel is like and its like duh you know that shit is tampered with.

Ali: I was really happy before I fell, maybe this is my karma Snaggle: Thats not how the Universe works

ARE YOU SURE? Because pretty sure its an established fact that what goes up, must come down. Also, Ali its not karma, you just clearly dont know how to put one foot in front of the other and walk like a normal fucking human.

Snaggle is like, its an accident and he would know all about those, since his face looks like it was a victim of a tragic lawn mower accident. Ali decides to text her friends a selfie of her in the hospital, because concussion photoshoots, so hot right now.

All the Liars are like . They have 3 days to give up the murderer, because A is a psycho. All the girls are shit talking Mona and Hanna comes to her defense, because Hanna is like, such a good friend.

Aria and Ezra are getting ready to go to a dinner with their boss and Ezras talking about how he doesnt like the book ending or some shit. Arias like and that shit is about to go from an Ernest Hemingway to a really quick with Ezras freaky self.

Hanna goes to visit Ali in the hospital and Ali tells her she is going back to Rosewood when she can gtfo of this hospital. Ali has flowers all over the room, because apparently people like her, wtf?, and Ali says that they are all from Snaggle.

Of course, Hanna is looking at all the flowers and sees a very creepy card that has pictures of a staircase, and all of them on it. Either Snaggle is one fucked up dude, or A is just like, really a dick. Honestly, probs both. Obvi, Hanna steals the card.

Emily facetimes Spencer a video of Mona and Sara Harveys body guard dude chatting it up. Weve all seen , Im expecting some bodyguard three-way action ASAP. Also, how did Emily even remember that body guard? I watch this show every fucking week and make it a point to write down every flaw they have, and even I didnt remember this. Wow, I need to get it together.

Also, them talking looks like any relationship I have ever had: Mona talking shit and the dude sitting there looking awkward. Spencer and Emily follow the bodyguard when he leaves.

Back to Snaggle and Hans. Hanna is like, And Snaggle is like, Im sure you said the same thing about that B and B, you human chipmunk. Hes like and its like cough, cough, lesbianssssss.

Spencer and Emily follow the bodyguard and act like idiots on crack and pretend to hit the bodyguards car. Hes like uhhhh no its fine, and Spencer somehow manages to get information on the papers he is holding. I have seen better body guarding by the fucking preteens in Project X. Seriously who is this dude?

Spencer learns that the documents our shit security guard has are blueprints to Radley, because of fucking course. Do they just hand out blueprints willy nilly in this town? God I hate myself every time I watch this stupid fucking show.

Aria is reading Ezras newest chapter and it flashes back to a conversation with Ezra and Nicole. Ezra is begging Nicole to come with him, but shes like

Anyways, Ezra goes to his typical EZRA MAD, EZRA SMASH mode and basically yells at her and leaves fucking pissed off. And yeah, thats the last time he saw his girlfriend. One girlfriend you took advantage of when she was a teenager, the other you let get kidnapped by terrorists. Let that soak in.

Hes like , and Arias like,

Emily follows the bodyguard to a fucking ice cream truck? Wtf? And hes just casually sitting there, licking a Drumstick, when Sara Harvey drives up and gets something from him. Wait a second, she cant text and grip shit because of her hands, but she can drive? The streets of Rosewood are not safe. Maybe she was the girl who tried to run over Emily at the diner. She wasnt really trying to run her over, she was just making a very sloppy three point turn.

Hanna shows Caleb the staircase card. Caleb is like why did you come to me? And Hanna is like They decide to call As bluff, because that plan has worked every time before.

Spencer is on the phone with Emily, when she is greeted by her boyfriend and his ex. What a time to be alive. They act super weird, and then Hanna makes up some bullshit story about how she killed Charlotte. She starts crying to Spencer and Spencer is like YOOOOO THIS IS HEAVY SHIT.

Then Hannas like PSYCH and tells Caleb Well thats the stupidest shit Ive ever heard. Caleb is like and its like NO WTF HANNA DOESNT KNOW JACK SHIT. LITERALLY ANYTHING AT ALL. NOTHING. SHE KNOWS NOTHING. Why doesnt anyone understand this?

Aria and Ezra are at dinner with the editor and shes like, l Arias like and Ezra is like NAH I GOT U FAM, Ill have it to you by next week. Ezras that dick in every college class who votes against the deadline extension. There is a special place in hell for you.

Hanna and Caleb are pleading their case to Emily and Emilys like And for once, I agree with her. Spencer backs up Caleb and Hanna and is like, *under her breath* . This sounds like every parental argument.

Emily/Dad: We cant support our daughter moving in with her boyfriend Spencer/Mom: We need to support her, because if we dont shell work against us. And I want grandbabies!

Hanna is like and grabs Calebs hand very lovingly. Spencers like and its all v awkward. Spencer does what I would 100% do in this situationmake snarky jealous comments and guzzle a shit ton of red wine. I am Spencer, we are all Spencer (without the bangs, obviously.)

Emily also suggests they visit Ye Old Lizard King Toby and let him know about this whole shindig. Again, this idea never works out.

The editor lady tells her that Liam isnt on the team anymore and Aria is like, uhhhh okay. So I guess that relationship is pretty much dead. Good talk.

Spencer flashes back to a night with Caleb in Europe, talking about art and his foster homes or some shit. Yawn. For once, Spencer actually looks good in a nice dress. You did okay PLL wardrobe, dont get too excited over your one time you didnt fail.

Its a pretty pointless flashback, except it shows major sexual tension between Spencer and Caleb in Europe, which is like right after they both broke up with their significant others. See, I told you it was pointless?

Caleb goes to drop Hanna off at Lucas place and he asks Caleb on a very awkward man date. Below are the actual quotes:

Lucas: Do you lunch? Caleb: Uh, yeah I lunch. Lucas: Lets lunch!

A whole portion of dialogue that could have been summed up to we should get lunch sometime. Fuck yourself, Freeform.

Lucas shows Hanna the factory he wants to build and is like Shes like If she even THINKS her shit is going to be better than Clothes Over Bros, shes straight trippin. Lucas is like Bitches love companies.

Okay my high school friends will barely buy me a beer, let alone give me a fucking factory.

Ali has a dream of some kind and sees her mom, dressed in a fugly green top and with some bushy ass hair. I know they have leave-in conditioner in heaven, you lazy bitch. She tells Ali that Snaggle will take care of her and that she loves her, yadda yadda. For a loving mother, she also looks like she lowkey wants to strangle the shit out of Ali.

Mona and Sara meet up, the two sketchiest bitches on the block. Sara looks like Miley Cyrus if she ate herself and took makeup inspiration from a raccoon. Seriously there is like 6 pounds of eyeliner on this bitch.

Mona is like and Sara is like Sara is like, . Oh stfu Sara. You look like a balloon shaped like Nick Carter and your only friend is a dude who eats ice cream on a street corner like a fucking poverty stricken 6-year-old.

Ezra and Aria are having tea like a bunch of pussies and Aria drops the A bomb on him. She goes from 0 to 100 real quick and is like I HAVE TO END THIS.

Back to Ali and Snaggle. Lucky us. Ali tells Snaggle to go to his conference in Chicago and that when he gets back theyll resume their daily programing of boning each other (what a fucking gross mental picture.)

Caleb and Hanna present their shit idea to the group, who all agreeits a shit idea. Caleb is like . Hes getting awfully close to Hanna and Spencer looks like she is about to cut a bitch.

Caleb: This isnt a cheer-ocracy Spencer: Youre being a real cheer-tator, Caleb!

The plan starts by Hanna sending a message to A saying leave my friends alone and then a Carly Rae Jepsen-esqe version of Call Me comes on, while the binary code of her text shows up on the screen. A gets the text of that dumbass admitting to murder. Its about to go down.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

Source: http://allofbeer.com/pretty-little-liars-recap-confessions-of-a-mid-20s-drama-queen/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/12/17/pretty-little-liars-recap-confessions-of-a-mid-20s-drama-queen/

[adambstingus]

Pretty Little Liars Recap: Confessions Of A Mid-20’s Drama Queen

Welcome back to another week where I sit through my own personal hell, aka , and try not to put myself into an alcohol-induced coma. And shoutout to all the keyboard warriors who love to type shit in the commentsyall take this show way too seriously.

We start with Mona and Emily discussing Charlotte, who apparently stood Mona up the night of the murder. What kind of loser gets stood up by another chick at a shitty diner?

Emily is like and Monas like, uh no? I feel like thats pretty much the only answer you can give at that point. Emily figures that Mona changed her mind in the trial so that Charlotte would be out of jail and Mona could get to her, which is like real far-fetched.

Mona is like and OKAY thats a line straight out of .

Chris Hanson: Did you know that this was a 13 year old girl? Mona: I, uh, just came to talk to her.

Monas like *what would you do if your son was at home, cryin all alone on the bedroom floor.* and Ems like Monas like, well even if I wanted to kill her, she fucking stood me up so yeah. Of course, this whole conversation is overheard by A.

Aria is like,lets tell the police it wasnt me at the diner! Arias really seen some shit lately. She got burnt and questioned by the police. All Hannas had done to her is getting shitty room service food with a cryptic note. Spencer is like,

Lucas is back. Goddammit. Anyways, he overhears Hanna talking to weird ass Jordan on the phone, and is like Hannas like, Where are you gonna seat him Han? No one wants to sit next to the virginal weird kid from high school. You cant just mix the band geeks with the Plastics, thats not how this works.

Besides, there is this scenario:

Priest: Speak now or forever hold your pe- Lucas: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Hanna is like, . Wear those ties Lucas, you look like a second place winner at a science fair. He tells Hanna that hes thinking of buying some factory and giving Rosewood a second chance. LOL rookie mistake.

Ali and Snaggletooth are being sexually aggressive in some shit bed and breakfast somewhere in bumfuck nowhere, East Coast. The Ali from Season 3 would have been honeymooning in fucking Paris rn. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Speaking of falling, Ali trips on her skanky heel and takes a tumble down the stairs, effectively knocking herself out. OKAY, did I not set that up just perfectly?

Alis in the hospital with a concussion, and Snaggle is like, you need to stay in the hospital. Shes like and its like, because thats how injuries work dumbass. The manager of the shit hotel is like and its like duh you know that shit is tampered with.

Ali: I was really happy before I fell, maybe this is my karma Snaggle: Thats not how the Universe works

ARE YOU SURE? Because pretty sure its an established fact that what goes up, must come down. Also, Ali its not karma, you just clearly dont know how to put one foot in front of the other and walk like a normal fucking human.

Snaggle is like, its an accident and he would know all about those, since his face looks like it was a victim of a tragic lawn mower accident. Ali decides to text her friends a selfie of her in the hospital, because concussion photoshoots, so hot right now.

All the Liars are like . They have 3 days to give up the murderer, because A is a psycho. All the girls are shit talking Mona and Hanna comes to her defense, because Hanna is like, such a good friend.

Aria and Ezra are getting ready to go to a dinner with their boss and Ezras talking about how he doesnt like the book ending or some shit. Arias like and that shit is about to go from an Ernest Hemingway to a really quick with Ezras freaky self.

Hanna goes to visit Ali in the hospital and Ali tells her she is going back to Rosewood when she can gtfo of this hospital. Ali has flowers all over the room, because apparently people like her, wtf?, and Ali says that they are all from Snaggle.

Of course, Hanna is looking at all the flowers and sees a very creepy card that has pictures of a staircase, and all of them on it. Either Snaggle is one fucked up dude, or A is just like, really a dick. Honestly, probs both. Obvi, Hanna steals the card.

Emily facetimes Spencer a video of Mona and Sara Harveys body guard dude chatting it up. Weve all seen , Im expecting some bodyguard three-way action ASAP. Also, how did Emily even remember that body guard? I watch this show every fucking week and make it a point to write down every flaw they have, and even I didnt remember this. Wow, I need to get it together.

Also, them talking looks like any relationship I have ever had: Mona talking shit and the dude sitting there looking awkward. Spencer and Emily follow the bodyguard when he leaves.

Back to Snaggle and Hans. Hanna is like, And Snaggle is like, Im sure you said the same thing about that B and B, you human chipmunk. Hes like and its like cough, cough, lesbianssssss.

Spencer and Emily follow the bodyguard and act like idiots on crack and pretend to hit the bodyguards car. Hes like uhhhh no its fine, and Spencer somehow manages to get information on the papers he is holding. I have seen better body guarding by the fucking preteens in Project X. Seriously who is this dude?

Spencer learns that the documents our shit security guard has are blueprints to Radley, because of fucking course. Do they just hand out blueprints willy nilly in this town? God I hate myself every time I watch this stupid fucking show.

Aria is reading Ezras newest chapter and it flashes back to a conversation with Ezra and Nicole. Ezra is begging Nicole to come with him, but shes like

Anyways, Ezra goes to his typical EZRA MAD, EZRA SMASH mode and basically yells at her and leaves fucking pissed off. And yeah, thats the last time he saw his girlfriend. One girlfriend you took advantage of when she was a teenager, the other you let get kidnapped by terrorists. Let that soak in.

Hes like , and Arias like,

Emily follows the bodyguard to a fucking ice cream truck? Wtf? And hes just casually sitting there, licking a Drumstick, when Sara Harvey drives up and gets something from him. Wait a second, she cant text and grip shit because of her hands, but she can drive? The streets of Rosewood are not safe. Maybe she was the girl who tried to run over Emily at the diner. She wasnt really trying to run her over, she was just making a very sloppy three point turn.

Hanna shows Caleb the staircase card. Caleb is like why did you come to me? And Hanna is like They decide to call As bluff, because that plan has worked every time before.

Spencer is on the phone with Emily, when she is greeted by her boyfriend and his ex. What a time to be alive. They act super weird, and then Hanna makes up some bullshit story about how she killed Charlotte. She starts crying to Spencer and Spencer is like YOOOOO THIS IS HEAVY SHIT.

Then Hannas like PSYCH and tells Caleb Well thats the stupidest shit Ive ever heard. Caleb is like and its like NO WTF HANNA DOESNT KNOW JACK SHIT. LITERALLY ANYTHING AT ALL. NOTHING. SHE KNOWS NOTHING. Why doesnt anyone understand this?

Aria and Ezra are at dinner with the editor and shes like, l Arias like and Ezra is like NAH I GOT U FAM, Ill have it to you by next week. Ezras that dick in every college class who votes against the deadline extension. There is a special place in hell for you.

Hanna and Caleb are pleading their case to Emily and Emilys like And for once, I agree with her. Spencer backs up Caleb and Hanna and is like, *under her breath* . This sounds like every parental argument.

Emily/Dad: We cant support our daughter moving in with her boyfriend Spencer/Mom: We need to support her, because if we dont shell work against us. And I want grandbabies!

Hanna is like and grabs Calebs hand very lovingly. Spencers like and its all v awkward. Spencer does what I would 100% do in this situationmake snarky jealous comments and guzzle a shit ton of red wine. I am Spencer, we are all Spencer (without the bangs, obviously.)

Emily also suggests they visit Ye Old Lizard King Toby and let him know about this whole shindig. Again, this idea never works out.

The editor lady tells her that Liam isnt on the team anymore and Aria is like, uhhhh okay. So I guess that relationship is pretty much dead. Good talk.

Spencer flashes back to a night with Caleb in Europe, talking about art and his foster homes or some shit. Yawn. For once, Spencer actually looks good in a nice dress. You did okay PLL wardrobe, dont get too excited over your one time you didnt fail.

Its a pretty pointless flashback, except it shows major sexual tension between Spencer and Caleb in Europe, which is like right after they both broke up with their significant others. See, I told you it was pointless?

Caleb goes to drop Hanna off at Lucas place and he asks Caleb on a very awkward man date. Below are the actual quotes:

Lucas: Do you lunch? Caleb: Uh, yeah I lunch. Lucas: Lets lunch!

A whole portion of dialogue that could have been summed up to we should get lunch sometime. Fuck yourself, Freeform.

Lucas shows Hanna the factory he wants to build and is like Shes like If she even THINKS her shit is going to be better than Clothes Over Bros, shes straight trippin. Lucas is like Bitches love companies.

Okay my high school friends will barely buy me a beer, let alone give me a fucking factory.

Ali has a dream of some kind and sees her mom, dressed in a fugly green top and with some bushy ass hair. I know they have leave-in conditioner in heaven, you lazy bitch. She tells Ali that Snaggle will take care of her and that she loves her, yadda yadda. For a loving mother, she also looks like she lowkey wants to strangle the shit out of Ali.

Mona and Sara meet up, the two sketchiest bitches on the block. Sara looks like Miley Cyrus if she ate herself and took makeup inspiration from a raccoon. Seriously there is like 6 pounds of eyeliner on this bitch.

Mona is like and Sara is like Sara is like, . Oh stfu Sara. You look like a balloon shaped like Nick Carter and your only friend is a dude who eats ice cream on a street corner like a fucking poverty stricken 6-year-old.

Ezra and Aria are having tea like a bunch of pussies and Aria drops the A bomb on him. She goes from 0 to 100 real quick and is like I HAVE TO END THIS.

Back to Ali and Snaggle. Lucky us. Ali tells Snaggle to go to his conference in Chicago and that when he gets back theyll resume their daily programing of boning each other (what a fucking gross mental picture.)

Caleb and Hanna present their shit idea to the group, who all agreeits a shit idea. Caleb is like . Hes getting awfully close to Hanna and Spencer looks like she is about to cut a bitch.

Caleb: This isnt a cheer-ocracy Spencer: Youre being a real cheer-tator, Caleb!

The plan starts by Hanna sending a message to A saying leave my friends alone and then a Carly Rae Jepsen-esqe version of Call Me comes on, while the binary code of her text shows up on the screen. A gets the text of that dumbass admitting to murder. Its about to go down.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/pretty-little-liars-recap-confessions-of-a-mid-20s-drama-queen/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/181188109727