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disneyprincemuke · 5 months

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oscar's logan's girl * ls2 op81

oscar truly never thought he would ever see the girl that was the cause of his first ever heartbreak

pairings: logan sargeant oscar piastri x fem!reader

notes: first of all, i want to thank everyone for liking the first part to this huhuhu i PERSONALLY think this is one of the fics i've written for an individual driver that has gotten this much feedback and responses... i never thought, in the 6 hours it took me to write that, that people would even like it so much... thank you for the kind words u guys <;/3

and now i would like to apologise if this did NOT go the way you thought it would... i couldn't bear hurting either logan or oscar, and holding grudges seemed like such an unlikely thing for a man of oscar's caliber... sorry if it doesn't go the way you thought <;/3

word count: 2.3k

(oscar's girl) // (f1 masterlist)

you let out the heaviest sigh, clutching onto the almost empty mercedes cup in your hand. you look over your shoulder, watching lily and carmen walk away without you in the direction of where the boys would be.

you stare at the unfamiliar, yet somehow most familiar, pair of brown eyes boring into your own. in the back of your mind, you remember the hushed giggles and how his hand used to feel in yours while you were in the streets of melbourne. you can almost remember what he sounded like when you were just kids, and the man that stands in front of you barely looks like what you remember of him.

you were devastated when you lost oscar's phone number. when you moved away to inevitably stay in the united states, you had every single intention of keeping the friendship with oscar. you just needed a week of settling in. you barely made any other meaningful friendships worth keeping in melbourne; all except the one that you had developed with oscar.

arguably, you could have done more to find him again. you could have gone on instagram, or any other social media site to try and keep the friendship alive. but you thought, after all those tears you shed before your departure, it would be better to stay away.

you only ever thought of oscar once in the past couple of years. the night before your first date with logan: you couldn't fall asleep from the nerves and anxiety. you had gotten along well over the phone, the williams driver playing his cards right every single time he would send you a text message and had your cheeks hurting from smiling too much and kicking your feet in the air.

you came across pictures of you and the young boy in melbourne, tucked away in a dusty photo album that you kept stored under your bed. you don't reminisce much: the memories you had up until you were 16 are a blur in your head. too much had happened, and the only memory that you keep with you is the fact that you moved around more than the average person.

"it's been a while," you finally speak, readjusting your shirt. the wet patch on your shirt, now slightly cold from the weather, your jacket doesn't really do much now to keep you warm. "how have you been?"

you can physically see the gears in oscar's head turn. his eyes bore into yours as he contemplates what he will say to you. if this had happened sooner after you had stopped talking to him, he would know what to say to you. because he spent his nights, and logan's mornings, talking about what he would say to you.

oscar presses his lips into a thin line. he has two choices now: unload the frustration he's forgotten about as he grew into an adult, or just be civil with the girl he could have sworn was the love of his life at 14. you never left his mind, even after all of these years, up until the moment that he met his now girlfriend, lily. he's a firm believer that you would have lasted forever if you had just stayed.

"i've been good. i'm a race car driver now," he smiles, gesturing to the paddocks around him. he's just going to try and ignore the fact that you're dating his literal best friend. "i told you."

you throw your head back with a laugh, making oscar drop his smile in the slightest of ways. he feels his chest close in on itself at the sound you're making. sometimes he fears that he'd never truly gotten over you, but that seems more like an overreaction in normal circumstances.

oscar wasn't aware of the fact that it could very well be the truth right now.

"you always did tell me you're going to be a racer," you agree with a smile. you remember going along with him to an obscure go-kart establishment once when you were growing up. it simply wasn't your thing, but you supported him through and through even as a young 14-year-old. "small world, huh?"

oscar nods with a small smile. "so, um. what happened?"

you tilt your head. "what do you mean?"

"you stopped answering my text messages out of the blue one day after you moved," oscar laughs softly, shrugging. "did i do something wrong? what happened?"

you sigh, closing your eyes as it hits you. there is something about the way his eyes are turned down slightly, and it doesn't take a genius to tell that he's trying to smile through whatever emotion he is feeling.

and you understand it if you were to put yourself in his shoes. it's genuinely all on you: you had promised that you wouldn't drift away from him before you left. you promised him, back then, that there would come a time that would bring you back together to give your relationship a fighting chance.

keeping in contact was very essential to that promise.

you don't think of oscar. but now that you do, you can see the scene of when you were about to leave playing vividly in your head. he had asked you for one simple thing: not to drift away so that someday, you can meet again and give yourselves a real fighting chance.

because realistically, at 14, there was not much to fight for but the overwhelming surge of emotions you have for something that is often categorised as puppy love.

but oscar knew even then that there was definitely something more.

"i dropped my phone in the lake. i got a new phone and a new number," you whisper dejectedly, trying to avoid the intensity of his stare. and you're prepared to receive the brunt of his anger, understandably so after you had unintentionally ghosted him. "i'm sorry. in hindsight, i should have done more to reconnect with you - social media is powerful, after all."

oscar nods, his lips pressed into a polite smile. though you can notice him clenching his jaw as he tries to force himself not to cause a scene in such a public setting.

a setting where your boyfriend, his best friend, would be involved. and his girlfriend who doesn't deserve this type of scandal tied to her name.

"we were just kids," oscar shrugs. but there's a bitterness in his mouth that he cannot ignore for too long. there is a bubbling urge from the deepest part of his gut to scream at you for all those days he swore he was going to go crazy from the pain of suddenly losing you. "i was bummed, though, when i lost you."

bummed is an understatement. the degree to which he grieved is unspoken between him and logan.

he doesn't blame logan for being overprotective of him when lily started to come into the picture. he was sat down by the american, by the sidewalks during their morning run, asking him to think long and hard about this.

it's the only time they had spoken of the instance that oscar almost lost himself. oscar waved off his concerns and said he was sure of what he has with lily, and that's a decision that he is still very proud of.

"i was devastated. but i was also scared," you whisper with a smile. "we were 14, but what i felt for you at the time... it was bigger than us, oscar. we had no fight against something like that."

oscar smiles. "logan is good to you, i hope?"

"we only just got together a couple months ago," you nod, "but he is amazing."

oscar nudges his head towards the direction that lily and carmen had walked towards earlier. you hop off your spot to catch up as he starts to walk by his side. "i've got a girlfriend of my own now. her name's lily too."

"doesn't that get confusing when you're all together? with alex's girlfriend and yours?"

"sometimes. but we don't hang out with the older drivers often," oscar admits with a scrunch of his nose. you have to bite back a laugh at his habit, seeing that it's something that has never left him. "it's a bit awkward. logan and i are typically together more often than not."

"how come?"

"we've only got each other," oscar shrugs. " we met at a karting race when we were really young. we kept in contact when we were apart. i think i may have told you about him a couple of times - my best friend living in florida."

you purse your lips, trying to rake at your brain for a time that oscar said that to you. unfortunately, your memory doesn't go that far back into the details of what you had. "wow. there's a lot i must have forgotten. i didn't know you went way back."

oscar smiles. with the little bit of resentment he has towards you, he completely understands (at his big age) why you don't seem to remember it as well as he did.

which is why he hated that he fell in love with you. he had made you his world and the meaning of his life, causing him to fall apart and crack at your goodbye.

you were an integral part of his life, but he was just a sliver of a memory in one of the places you had stayed in for a year or two. it had taken a while to start seeing it the way he does now. he hated you for what you did for years until everything started to fall into place for him in his head.

suddenly he understood why you were hesitant to befriend him in the first place. it must not have been easy to keep leaving friends behind.

"nah, it's alright. if i had such unstable environments like you did growing up, i'd have turned out much worse than you," oscar laughs. "did you move again after you moved to washington?"

you nod again. "one more time. we moved to la after three years - you know my dad. but it wasn't as severe as moving end to end of the world from australia to the united states, i guess."

"ba- oh." you calmly turn to the side, beaming when logan approaches you with confusion on his face. "i was looking for you all over the place. lily and carmen told me you ran into an old friend?"

logan had noticed oscar before you, the bright papaya orange that oscar sports all year around is not easy to miss. "i see you met oscar! what a coincidence."

"yeah, we," you laugh, rolling your eyes playfully as you meet him halfway, "funny enough, babe. we used to go to school together. in melbourne when my dad had business there when i was younger."

oscar presses his lips together, shoving his hands into his pockets and rocks back and forth on his feet. he knows it won't take long for logan to complete the puzzle.

"oh?" logan furrows his eyebrows at you, one hand on your back protectively. "small world. oscar's actually my best friend - he's on the family fridge back in florida."

"yeah, he mentioned!" you beam, wrapping your arms around his. "who would have thought that the oscar you keep talking about is the same one i know?"

logan smiles, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. "right! so this is my guest for the weekend, man. my girlfriend - we met over the winter break. i can't believe you guys go way back! this makes it so much easier, doesn't it?"

oscar wants to run away. doesn't matter where, or how he will get there, because all he can focus on is the way you're leaning into logan's touch and the way logan's smile is so bright that it could be seen by the stars.

you clearly just had that effect on people. he's just another one of those people who fell for the welcoming aura you emit.

"did you guys know each other well?" logan asks.

oscar shares a glance with you. but he knows logan, more than you, perhaps. if logan finds out the history that you share, he will not be able to live with himself. he would leave you, leaving all three of you devastated.

so as you open your mouth to respond excitedly, oscar speaks over your mutter. "not really, just had a couple of classes together," oscar lies with a smile. he reluctantly settles for logan's excitement instead of your confusion. "we bumped into one another, i thought she looked familiar."

"oh, yeah! have you got an extra shirt i could borrow? i spilled coffee all over my top," you laugh, pulling down the zip of your jacket slightly to show him the patch.

"mate, i need to go and find lily," oscar says, reaching out to pat his friend on the shoulder. "i'll see you tonight. dinner afterwards, right?"

truthfully, he wants to ditch it. but you were both 14. it's not fair to keep holding it against you when all the odds were stacked against you both.

"absolutely. i'll see you tonight, man," logan smiles, waving at him as he walks away.

he can briefly hear your conversation as he fought all urges to turn around and glance at you.

"are you sure you want to borrow my shirt? i've only got my williams team shirts in my driver's room. i can ask someone to go out and find you one, if you'd like."

"no, of course not! i want everyone to know i'm with the williams driver, you know? announce it to the world."

logan sounds so into you, and he can't fault him for that. you've got a way with people that just reel them in. he should know - he was one of those people that were wrapped around your finger.

oscar's girl, as logan would tease during karting when he was resigned to a corner to text you after the race.

but in his head, you will always be his girl, because that's what he used to call you. that's the memory of you that will live in his head forever.

@myxticmoon @fangirl-dot-com @f1enthusiastsstuff @barnestatic @ladywhistledownx @holy-macncheese-balls @lightdragonrayne @almostjollypizza @sleepybrokenmelle @flyclaren @sagestack @de1u1ugyal @starssfall @cherry-piee @cstads-blog @renarots @strrgirlxqs @uuoozzii @bringbacktim @esposamultifandom @ssprayberrythings

#THIS IS #SOOOO #???#sucked imo #anyway #logan sargeant x reader #logan sargeant x you #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #f1 x you #disneyprincemuke #disneyprincemuke imagine #disneyprincemuke imagines #disneyprincemuke f1

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loveforquanrui · 5 months

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the love I hold for you

제로베이스원 - jebewon as things they would definitely do as boyfriends!, gn reader. i dont think there is any disclaimers but let me know if i missed any!

-jiwoong-

showing a different side of himself

would show his true authentic self with you <3

would be really protective of you

since he wants to show he cares without being too "obvious" he would also over offer his help

but its so cute so it cancels out!

would care and love you so much

-hao-

introverted but clingly with you

hao is an introvert as we can all tell, and may need space but never from you

when he's tired, he would find so much comfort in your presence

constantly wants to be around you even if you guys aren't talking he just loves knowing you are there

you are his favorite

he chooses you over anyone else

-hanbin-

planning dates in advanced every week

hear me out in this, hanbin is an observer

he would allow you to plan the first few dates, and in those dates he is taking mental notes of your likes and dislikes

now he will tell you, he wants to plan the following dates

and from then on its funnn

he would take you to many new places like a art gallery or even invite you to his dance studio as a fun date

somehow hanbin will always think of something different for a date idea

-matthew-

teach you how to play video games

i know we all saw this man play league of legends now-

i have a feeling he would try to get his s/o into gaming

he would try to teach you how to play, and he is very patient

since he wants you to play with him, he is willing to spend some time teaching and training you to play these games

he takes it very seriously too

if you ended up not liking the game he would try to find another game that you'd like

regardless if he's not into that game, he would learn how to play it just for you <3

-taerae-

perform for you

strong believer in simp taerae

he would be so deeply in love with his s/o that sometimes they are above himself

if you are anxious, he would sing your favorite song to calm you down

if you are trying to fall asleep, he would play a calming tune in his guitar until you are fast asleep

feeling bummed out, no worries, taerae is dancing the newest tiktok trend for you!

this man will perform for you anytimes if it will make you smile

if you wanted to film a little dance video he would do it proudly

ahh taerae is such a cutie :'(

-ricky-

attention seeking and physical touch

hear me out ricky can sometimes be dismissive

although he clearly cares about other i think the baby cat has some trouble expressing it sometimes

since ricky would struggle to tell you he loves you sometimes he would be surprisingly very cuddly?

he would want to constantly have his arms around you even if he wasn't speaking to you

small gestures like cuddling or holding your hand are a big deal to him

its his way of showing his love

he would also seek your attention in the same way

he has very grabby hands constantly wanting your attention without actually saying it

-gyuvin-

carrying extra items for you

gyuvin is a goofy guy but he is also always taking mental notes of you

he would notice your favorite snacks and items you constantly use

he secretly carries your favorite snacks in his backpack

in his backpack there is chapstick, germx, and much more items you use on the daily

you would say "i'm really craving __" and all of a sudden he pulls out the snack from his backpack

needless to say gyuvin is prepared for anything you might need

-gunwook-

have a photo album dedicated of pictures of you

gunwook adores you

sometimes you catch him just starring at you deeply with a smile plastered on his space

he just loves looking at your face, as its a boost of serotonin for him

since he realized how happy it makes him, he takes about 3 pictures of you

sometimes you don't even know he is taking pictures, yet you still come out looking so good

and when he is in a bad mood or simply misses you he would go to his album titles Y/N and just look over all the pictures

he would be so smiley and thankful to have such a partner in his life

-yujin-

get you flowers at the right times

yujin would love getting you flowers

he knows how happy it can make you so he always gets you flowers

yet unbeknown to you he actually always steals one flower from the bouquet he buys

why?

because that way he knows when he needs to get you more flowers

of course he doesn't tell you this, since he wants to be seen as cool

but it's a sweet gesture that he loves doing <3

ahhh guys I did not post as much as I wanted to for a bit. Buttt i hope you enjoyed this. Let me know if you would like a part two or even a fic. Don't forget my asks are always open not just for request but also for any questions or just talks you want to have <3

#zb1 #zb1 imagines #zb1 reactions #zb1 scenarios #zb1 x reader #zerobaseone #zerobaseone reactions #park gunwook #sung hanbin #zhang hao #kim jiwoong #kim gyuvin #han yujin #shen ricky #kim taerae #seok matthew

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bambi-slxt · 1 month

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lovelanguage!triplets:

✨a concept✨

🍊𝕔𝕙𝕣𝕚𝕤🍊

acts of service

he's a problem solver. “chris i can't get the dishwasher to work, can you-” and he's already ordered a new one, set up the installation, and made sure you'll be home for it. he hates the idea of you floundering alone, and is always quick to take on whatever tasks he can, even if it's as small as running a bath for you before you get home.

words of affirmation

chris is the type to look for things about you that other people don’t seem to notice and compliment you on them. “you’re so well-spoken, like the way you word shit, it's just incredible.” he also likes to hear about your goals and how you're achieving them, and enjoys affirming your choices in life.

quality time

he's SO BIG on quality time. chris loves to be near creativity and one of the ways that manifests is with music. lil skies drops a new album? chris is gonna call you first so you guys can listen to the whole thing together and yap about it.

gift giving

he has such a squirrel brain. chris will see something at the store that reminds him of you and put it in the cart, forget about it, do another lap around the store, see it again, and put it in the cart. he just wants to make you happy.

physical touch

chris doesn't feel the need to be possessive. he shows his physical touch kind of love through soft touches on your back when he's walking behind you (“i'm here, don't get startled”), tapping your thigh in the car to the beat of his music, and standing so close to you when y'all brush your teeth that your hips graze each other.

🦋𝕞𝕒𝕥𝕥🦋

acts of service

matt doesn’t like showing off the things he does for you, so often you’ll find that things get fixed or chores get done in the quiet background of your day. he fixes the leaking sink when you’re out shopping, and cleans up the kitchen before you get back so he can help you put groceries away, all without bringing it up once. he enjoys helping you out and taking some of the mental load off of you, but hates the idea of being appreciated for it - matt feels that it’s just his job as a partner.

words of affirmation

he’s big on writing notes. since he doesn’t have a typical 9-5, he’ll make your lunches and put a little post-it note on the inside. “i’m so proud of you, you’re gonna have an amazing day.” on your birthday or anniversary, he always has a hand-written letter for you along with any gifts or celebratory activities.

quality time

matt likes to body double, which means that the two of you don’t necessarily have to be doing the same thing to be engaging in quality time. he’s perfectly content to work on his personal brand or account while you read or play his games while you’re doing homework. he also loves teaching you Fortnite and other FPS’s, or trying new things together like cooking or making crafts.

gift giving

he enjoys giving practical gifts, things that will help make your life easier. it’s his way of saying he notices you’re struggling and he wants to help however he can. this also connects back to his words of affirmation - matt knows that words are powerful, and many of his gifts involve written sentiments of love, pride, vulnerability, or compassion towards you.

physical touch

matt was never big on physical touch. he’s always very aware of his body and someone else coming into contact with it only exacerbated the problem. but soon he came up with a solution for the two of you - ‘three taps means i love you’. soon he taps you all the time, even in his sleep.

👾𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕜👾

acts of service

nick is never afraid to confront your problems head on, and he feels no apprehension taking time out of his day to do things for you. one of his favorite ways to perform an act of service is to help you manage your days and be as productive as you can be - he wants nothing more than to see you succeed and achieve your dreams.

words of affirmation

he doesn’t always show love this way, but when he does, nick could talk about you for hours. he calls attention to all of your wonderful traits, cute quirks, and special interests, making sure to bring up how amazed he is by all of what makes you, you.

quality time

quality time with nick can look like a lot of different things depending on his mood. some days he wants to go get aćai bowls, thrift, go on a walk by the harbor, and visit the farmers market and some days he wants to stay in bed and talk or watch movies until 3pm.

gift giving

nick is incredibly good at getting gifts. he tries his best to pay attention to everything you like and all the hobbies and interests you have so he can go look them up later and find you presents based on that. he also really enjoys diamond paintings, crafting, or any other artsy, homemade gift he can give you, because to nick, those feel the most authentic.

physical touch

he’s always been a bit jumpy when other people touch him and he’s not expecting it, but once nick knows it’s you, he doesn’t mind at all. when he’s in the mood for it, he loves detangling your hair, hiding his hands in your hoodie pocket, or just brushing up on you as much as he can.

thanks for reading!

bambi <3

request to be on the taglist under this post right here

tags: @pinksturniolo @malirosee @st7rnioioss @nonat-111 @cindylcuwho @evie-sturns @h3arts4harry @fanficsbymia @dazednmatthews @sturniolo-rat @mattsmad @sturniolo04 @bellasturn @blahbel668 @yomamaslays4lyfe @stasiesturn @pleasantlycrazyworld @solarsturniolo

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draco-after-dark · 5 months

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Captured and contained

Little info dump on the whole diamond prison thing with regards to my Feral JD AU

So basically what happened when Velvet and Veneer first captured JD in my au is Veneer is always looking for more animals for his little side zoo project. They happened to be doing a photo shoot outside in the woods for a new album cover. Veneer went on a walk to have some alone time and stumbled across a little goblin boy. Aka JD.

"Oooo aren't you a cute little fella, You would be perfect as desk decoration!"

*JD gets snatched*

Later when Veneer tells Velvet he got a new pet and reveals JD. Her initial reaction is "Okay, but where did you even get that thing it's disgusting." JD proceeds to bite Veneer (multiple times) and wriggle himself free from his hands. He then runs rampant through their dressing room until they manage to contain him in a crystal bottle. The only thing they thought was strong enough to hold him. Later down the line when Velvet captures Floyd (basically the same sequence of events as the movie from here) and starts using him for his talent. That's when they realize that JD is actually a troll as well. JD being JD though is as Velvet described "uncooperative" and "savage" so she refuses to use him for his talent and instead tells Veneer "That one can be yours. You're that one that found that thing anyway." So Veneer does end up using JD for his talent just not nearly as often as Velvet does Floyd. JD does still get hit pretty hard by the whole draining thing considering he is grey and unlike the average troll has in a sense "forgotten/lost" his talent. That doesn't stop him from unleashing hell on the twin every chance he gets. Goblin man will do goblin things

Then things follow the movie pretty much the same except Bruce and Clay end up getting captured when they all break into the dressing room to rescue Floyd. Poppy and Branch end up escaping into the rafters. Velvet ends up sticking Clay and Floyd in her shoulder pads and Veneer gets Bruce. Veneer leaves JD behind in his dressing room because he feels guilty and doesn't want to hurt him any more than he has to.

Fast forward to the family harmony scene where although they are technically down a brother and Floyd is still trapped in Velvet's clutches the 3 brothers and pop sisters sing on anyway. The family harmony DOES end up working to free Floyd and also JD. I'm playing this off on the idea that despite JD not being present physically he could feel the connection to his brothers and their desperation to help Floyd. JD wants the same thing, to free Floyd and that is what connects them all together. It's like Branch said "We don't have to be perfect to be in harmony, We just have to be as we are." (just go with it ok IDK) Once the diamonds are shattered JD is pretty worst for wear, unlike Floyd he doesn't have anyone to support him right off the bat. He is used to being on his own at this point tho and only cares about getting Floyd out. He tucks himself away into a corner of the room behind some furniture to hide and rest up till he can get the both of them out of this hell hole.

Mind you only Floyd knows that he's also being held captive somewhere backstage when all this is happening. So once Floyd regains consciousness and has a chance to take a moment with his brothers. he then immediately goes into full anxiety mode well explaining that they have to get to JD. The others confused about what he's talking about don't believe him at first, but do end up helping Floyd backstage since he keeps insisting that JD needs them. They do end up finding JD and that's where the real story begins.

Hopefully this makes sense? I ain't no writer sorry people

Little bonus scene

"Hey Vel does this look infected to you???"

"I can't believe we're related... CRIMP SCHEDULE A HOSPITAL VISIT BECAUSE MY IDIOT OF A BROTHER GOT BITTEN BY A FUCKING RAT!"

#feral john dory au #feral jd au #trolls john dory #trolls band together

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actual-changeling · 4 months

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this is some self-indulgent, directly post-divorce crowley angst, i am 100% responsible for any emotional damage this might (probably will) cause. enjoy.

CW for mild self harm mentions/descriptions, nothing graphic

His flat is dark when he returns.

It always was, and up until this very moment, it had never bothered him before; yet as he watches the door swing open, he feels a wave of apprehension. Even the metal underneath his fingertips has an unfamiliar chill to it. After driving for hours late into the night, his mind painfully numb, the Bentley eventually chose a well-known road and brought him back—well, 'home' is certainly one way of putting it.

It was never one to begin with, but now it is the only place he has left.

Some of the city's shine flows through the windows, but it is barely enough to move the shadows below them, let alone reach the hallway. Crowley presses his palm against the door frame and tries to remember how to breathe, grabbing his glasses with his free hand as he squeezes his eyes shut. When Shax took over, he had spent a week arguing with himself over whether or not to tell Aziraphale, slowly settling on a 'yes' with a growing spark of fearful excitement.

Until he remembered their conversation on the bench.

(I don't think my side would like that.)

Until he thought back to the bandstand, flicking through the years like a photo album and revisiting all the times he had asked for something, anything, and the answer he received.

(You go too fast for me, Crowley.)

No, it would have to come from Aziraphale, and maybe, he repeated to himself over and over whenever he decided to drop by, with just a little more time, he finally would. After saving the world, after escaping heaven and hell, after sitting in the Ritz for hours, Crowley dared to hope.

Four years later, he had long since realised his mistake.

(Nothing lasts forever.)

A crack rips him back to the present, dull pain attempting to separate the veil of numbness and failing, and he drops the crushed remains of glass and metal to the floor before stepping over it. The door quietly falls shut behind him, locks thoughtlessly click into place, and he distantly acknowledges the need for new security measures, not that he currently cares much about anything.

Let them come for him; he has nothing more to lose.

Sliding down the closest wall, he listens to the roughened surface scratching the fabric of his suit, finding that once he sits with his knees pulled against his chest, the physical place loses importance.

"Maybe it's not the dark," he whispers to himself, the thoughts thick and sluggish like honey in his mind. "Maybe it's not the dark, but the quiet."

His own words are haunting him, ringing in his ears and sticking to the back of his throat, and for a moment, he considers simply getting up and walking away. The earth is a graveyard of memories, London is a mass grave collapsing in on itself, and it's not like being anywhere else would change the fact that he was alone.

Alone.

The earth was empty, just like it had been when he sat in a burning bookshop.

Flames licking at his skin would be preferable to the ache underneath it, every cell remembering the fleeting press of warmth, of Aziraphale, his just for a handful of seconds. When he traces his lips with his fingertips, he catches a hint of copper, and it's ash and soot branding him despite his miraculously clean body, it's begging and asking and pleading, it's a mouth opening and the euphoric shiver that followed.

Love, fire, loss, the taste of blood lingering on his tongue no matter how much time passes, and if he weren't wrapping his arms around himself while curled up on the floor, he might have been able to tap back into his anger, the indignant rage Aziraphale's words woke within him.

The weight of the last week hits him all at once as the adrenaline in his body finally starts to fade, the pressure tightly constricting his lungs and forcing a choked gasp out of him. He rests his forehead on his knees, his palms seeking the grounding cold of the cement.

"No nightingales." Crowley scrapes his nails across the floor, the words barely audible even to himself. "Fucking idiot, I just had to hope again, didn't I? Too many fucking questions."

It's not the quiet either. It's not the dark or the empty halls, it's not a pristine, dusty bed or imperfect plants lining the windows. It's the fact that even now, he knows exactly what he will do, surrounded by everything he has after losing the one thing that actually mattered.

He will stay right here, and he hates himself for it, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip until salt explodes in his mouth, but it won't change.

Aziraphale has gone, so Crowley does what he always does—wait for him to come back.

#alex writes good omens #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable husbands #ineffable wives #ineffable spouses #ineffable divorce #the final fifteen #good omens ficlet

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theostrophywife · 6 months

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Mattheo and comfort? like comforting Mattheo?🥺

comfort | mattheo riddle ♡

due to his childhood, mattheo has trouble expressing his feelings.

when he's upset, he has a tendency to fold into himself. it's a defense mechanism to keep himself protected, to guard his heart above all else.

at first, it was hard to deal with matty withdrawing into himself. you often wondered if you said or did something wrong because one second he'd be laughing and joking and the next he'd be completely silent.

but as time went along, you started to pick up on his behavior. you learned how to read mattheo riddle like a book.

when he starts getting dazed and distracted, fiddling with his fingers, tapping his foot or just straight up spacing out, you know that something's bothering him.

one thing about mattheo is that he hates being singled out. he doesn't like it when he's put on the spot. asking him "what's wrong?" was a one way ticket to him shutting down.

so instead you found little ways to let him know you were there.

mattheo's love language is physical touch, so any time you felt him drifting, you'd lean into him, rest your head on his shoulder, intertwine your fingers and kiss his knuckles to convey that you're here and it's safe and when he's ready to talk about it, you'd be more than willing to listen.

if he's having a really bad day, you'd know just by one look. he wouldn't have to say anything before you're enveloping him into a hug, smothering him with as much love and affection as you could.

he would especially love laying on your lap, not saying anything as you brushed through his curls, savoring the silence and comfort your presence provided.

sometimes you'd come into his dorm to find him laying on the rug, earphones tuned in to his favorite smiths album. you'd simply lay down beside him, claim the right earphone, and squeeze his hand because you're there for him, you don't need words, you were more than willing to to just give him space to simply be and he'd love you for it.

when the nightmares come and he wakes up sweating and panting, he'd immediately seek you out. mattheo would want to make sure that you're safe because most of his nightmares are of you falling into danger. it doesn't matter if it's in the middle of the night, you'd simply just wrap your arms around him and hold him as tightly as possible.

"it's alright, matty. it's okay. i'm here. i'm safe. and i love you. nothing can hurt me when you're by my side."

brushing the tear from his cheek, you'd kiss his temple and rock him in your arms. mattheo would listen to your heartbeat, willing it to anchor him back to reality.

it's the sound of comfort. it's the sound of safety. it's the sound of the girl he loves healing every broken part of him and making him feel whole again.

#first of all who gave me the right #mattheo riddle #♡ jess writes: harry potter headcanon;

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emeraldenha · 1 year

Text

MIXTAPES.

pairing: idol bf!taesan x gn!reader | genre: idol au, established relationship, fluff, slight angst | w/c: +1k words | warnings: overworking, reader is a college student

You always wished the two of your schedules would align better than this.

Not that you weren’t well aware of the hardships of dating an idol. It wasn’t designed to be easy. Rather, it was anything but easy.

Just when your boyfriend, Taesan, got the day off, it happened to be the day in which you were bombarded with due dates from all your college courses.

So here you were, slouched across your desk, fingers glued to your keyboard, while Taesan was sitting on the edge of your bed offhandedly brainstorming lyrics onto his notes app. You felt guilty for boring him and making him wait, but he insisted that anything was fine as long as the both of you were together. Even if that only entailed being in the same room.

“When do you think you’ll be done?”

It isn’t until then that you notice he’s no longer positioned by your bed and is instead standing directly behind you, hunching to the point where his chin ghosts over the top of your head.

“I’ll be done soon enough! I just have to power through it,” you promise.

Taesan rests his hands on the back of your chair and observes you for a moment as you continue working, gradually losing focus of the words jumbled on the screen before staring off into space.

“Hey, I love you and everything but I get a little self conscious when you’re peering over my shoulder like that. It makes it a little hard to concentrate,” you hesitantly comment, lips curled up slightly to signal that you weren’t really mad or annoyed. You just needed to get things turned in so you could spend actual quality time with your boyfriend.

“Sorry,” he quickly apologizes. He shuffles his feet until he’s leaning against the open door frame. “Do you need anything? Snacks, water…?”

“I’m okay,” you reply dismissively, already back to being immersed in your studies.

Taesan leaves your bedroom to find where he left his bag in your apartment. Spotting it on the couch, he searches through the front compartment until he pulls out what he’s been meaning to give you for weeks now. Headphones, check. Cassette player, check. Mixtape #1, check. Carefully taking the mixtape out of its case and plopping it into the player, Taesan’s face heats up by the sheer embarrassment of gifting this to you. However, he knows that whatever he can do to make you happy will squander his embarrassment any day.

Getting caught up in his busy lifestyle, sometimes it takes him a bit longer to realize just how hard you have it too. You work yourself to the bone yet are so patient and understanding when it comes to him. He wants to be there for you, much more than he physically can be.

When he reenters the room, he sees your lips pursed, eyebrows stitched together by a needle of stress. It’s the kind of expression you make when you’re stuck.

Taesan isn’t sure if he should bother you again but decides that it’s a risk he’s willing to take.

Pressing play and setting the device aside, he tucks your hair behind your ears before placing the headphones right over them. His hands then linger to brush through the strands of your hair, as if your inability to hear has somehow obstructed your other senses too. You let him off the hook this time. The gesture is thankfully more calming than distracting.

“Ah, Oasis, right?” You instantly recognize the voice and melody of the song despite not being able to put your finger on it. “Which album is this again?”

Taesan loves sharing music with you, and it’s a passion of his that you’re glad he’s introduced you to, because it consumes such a big part of his life that you like being a part of as well. Though despite having his favorite songs and artists, he rarely ever shows you the same song twice. It’s always something new.

You also never miss out on supporting his own group’s releases, spending time on the phone just to let him point out the lyrics he wrote or any other insider facts from song to choreography to music video shooting. It’s like a whole other world from how he describes it.

But when he admittedly gets sick of hearing the same songs over and over again in the practice room, he’s listening to the thousands of other songs on his playlist for hours before he goes to sleep. He makes sure to send you one by the end of the night, and he plays it as soon as you’ve seen the text so it’s like you’re there listening to it with him. He also has a collection of vinyls—vinyls that’d be all worn out if he didn’t keep them in such pristine condition—stacked away in his dorm, and even a small bundle of slightly lesser used cassettes, which you’re assuming is what he brought for you today in his portable, faded blue cassette player.

“Oh, it’s not an album actually,” he answers, nervously blurting out the words before he can stumble over them. “It’s a mixtape.”

“For me?” You point to yourself, eyes wide in surprise.

He gives you a shy nod. “It’s nothing, really. Just some songs that remind me of you.”

Songs that remind him of you.

Trying not to reveal how flustered you are by the statement, you swivel your chair away from him and face down at the desk. “Thank you.”

He hums, even though he knows you can’t hear him over the blaring drums and guitars kicking in.

But despite that, you can still sense his gaze on you, so looking over your shoulder, you give him a soft smile and say, “I love you.”

As you turn back around, Taesan is finally able to take his eyes off you, letting himself lie back all the way on your bed with a peaceful sigh.

“Love you,” he whispers to the ceiling, because although you still can’t hear him, the words will always reach you anyway. Whether said or unsaid or sung in song, his love will always reach you.

main masterlist

#boynextdoor #boynextdoor imagines #bonedo #boynextdoor scenarios #boynextdoor x reader #boynextdoor smau #boynextdoor au #boynextdoor social media au #boynextdoor drabbles #han dongmin #taesan #boynextdoor taesan #taesan x reader #taesan au #taesan imagines #taesan drabbles #taesan scenarios

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argumentl · 22 days

Text

Kaoru Interview - Burrn! Japan Vol.23 (Feb 2024)

Interview by You Masuda

FAN TRANSLATION

(Note: This interview was held mid-way through the Phalaris Final tour)

The next person to interview was Kaoru, straight after Die. When I asked Kyo about new material going forward, he simply said, 'Ask Kaoru about that', but to be sure, if there is any member creating the blueprints for future new material, there is no doubt that its Kaoru. Of course, I'm aware that its slightly too soon to be asking such things, but I started the interview hoping to at least pick up a few hints.

ーYou are currently mid-tour, but after finishing both days at Zepp Haneda, how are you feeling about it?

Hmm. Its quite.....exhausting (lol). It consumes a lot of energy, much more than we usually use for live shows. Phalaris has a lot of power packed into it, and you really feel it bearing down on you. I'm not even trying to be that active on stage, but still....its tiring (lol)

ーBy that you mean its something different from physical tiredness?

Yeah, the tone, the content of the show, there is a heaviness to it, its something that you just can't approach half-heartedly.

ーKyo said that the songs are all hard work to sing this time. As for performing, there seems to be a lot of songs that you just can't relax through.

Yeah, its the same when playing. It really questions the type of person who is stood there playing on stage...this isnt the type of stage I can just stand around carelessly on. I mean, not that I'm like that anyway (lol). But there is something about it where I just can't express myself unless I fully throw myself into that world. It feels like a heavy weight crashing down on me for this tour.

ーThis is the third tour in the Phalaris cycle, but I get the feeling the first two rounds were not as heavy as this?

They weren't. The first round was quite tasteful, and in the second round we emphasised the 'live' element of it more, it was like a lighter version. If its too heavy from the beginning, its kinda tough on the audience too.

ーWould you say this is an album with such a heaviness that it requires this kind of considered moderation?

Yeah, but we did think we need to moderate this tour too. If for example, we were to do a single limited live show in a big venue to close Phalaris, that would be even more intense. In the shape of a tour, there are times when we are reaching our absolute limits. Thats how tough it is (lol) It didn't seem right unless each show of the tour encompassed that sense of weight and culmination.

ーIn other words you are almost right at your tipping point?

Yes. If we were to increase the intensity further, there is no doubt that the shows would collapse into chaos...which may be ok in some sense, but then we would be unable to continue touring properly.

ーYou touched on this earlier, but don't you have any plans to do a seperate finale for Phalaris in a big venue at any point?

No, we aren't thinking about that, not for now at least. It doesn't mean there is a zero percent chance, but recently there just isnt the venue availability for that kind of thing. This has been going on for a few years now. If we had been able to find a big venue before announcing the tour, then this tour wouldn't have been seen as the 'Final'. So in a sense, ending Phalaris in this way is very rooted in actuality. It probably still would have been this heavy though, even if it wasn't labeled as the final.

ーFor Uroboros, you held a finale live in Osaka jo Hall after a bit of time had passed. Is there no possibility of such a thing happening for Phalaris?

Well, I don't know. Its a timing issue. If we found the perfect venue at the perfect time, and if we were all mentally in that space....I mean, it will be easier to know as time passes, but if we are mentally for it, there may be a possibility.

ーYour answer has raised my expectations somewhat, but I'm not going to get too carried away for the time being. Have you discovered any new feelings towards this album during the current tour?

Hmm....I've been thinking its a good album (lol)

ーIts not like you to sing your own praises (lol)

Well, I mean, after this, if we realease a new single, there will probably be Phalaris-like elements to it, but even putting that to one side, so many of our past songs just fit really well alongside Phalaris. So I think we have been very true to ourselves with this album. Although it sounds a bit odd for me to say that myself (lol). I'm not entirely sure about the overall balance of the album as a piece of work, but it fits so well with our other songs, there is a mysterious feel to it.

ーFitting with your other songs may have something to do with it, but at the time you completed the album, you also said that it contains every part of Dir en grey. I'm sure you werent consciously thinking that while you were making it though.

No, I think I was at times. Of course, this isn't the end for us, but I was thinking that IF the band were to end now, I would want this to be seen as our best work. So as for consciously putting all of Dir en grey into it, no, I don't think thats wrong.

ーMaking the album with that much conscious effort means its not all new. There are links to the past, as well as that link to pull you forward onto your next step.

Yeah, and I've been feeling this even more so on the current tour. That's why I've been thinking this is a good album (lol)

ーI love hearing this kind of thing from the artists themselves. Hearing about the songs fitting well reminded me...With all these songs from Phalaris in the setlist, certain other songs might also come to mind, but to hear songs like Different Sense and Downfall in there, its like they were meant to be. That may be an odd way to describe it...

Heh, I understand. They wouldn't be out of place even if they were on Phalaris. We didn't choose to include specific types of songs while we were making it, but if you search through our past music there are some things that do just roll into place. Its probably going too far to say I was realising this when completing the album, but I feel like I can see Phalaris more clearly now. With this tour, I really do feel that sense of completion.

ーThat may be what a sense of completion actually means. You finally reach that point after realising for yourself what the flow of your past work has created.

Yes.

ーIn that sense, I think this is a very interesting outcome. But with such an intensity to the show from the outset, there is the possibilty of the audience being left behind at somepoint, if you don't get it exactly right.

Hm, I wonder. Some people might have felt that way about Phalaris 2, but this is just us being us. Its just not blowing up with excitement at the end this time, its kind of a different feeling from what we've done previously. The heaviness of the mid-section of the show is due to us being thorough, but I don't feel like its exceptional (lol)

ーAs you just said about the end of the show, closing with Kamuy is a bit different from the feeling we usually get at the end. Did you choose to play this song last, in line with bringing Phalaris to a close?

Well, it was also the first tour to play Kamuy. If we had played it at previous tours, it might have ended up in a different spot in the setlist. But for sure, to play it for the first time at the final, it could go in no other spot. Even if we were to do a seperate final in a big venue, I think it would still come at the end of the encore, not the end of the main.

ーEnding the live with the disquieting tone of Kamuy in the air, then raising the lights and bidding farewell to the audience...even with this familiar parting scene, its quite different from past tours.

With that we simply just want to say thank you to the people who came. Its a way to express thanks at the end of each show. We could just disappear off stage after Kamuy if we wanted to, but as I was saying before about 'the type of person who is stood on the stage', I want to keep this time that I have to express my thanks to the peole who come to see us. I mean, the 5 of us could all gather together in the centre for a farewell or something too, but that kind of structure somehow doesn't seem very 'us' (lol)

ー Yeah, lets save that for another occasion (lol) By the way, it must have been a difficult transition to go from finishing this phase of Phalaris, to confronting the new single 19990120.

Well, it wasnt easy. We did the 25th anniversary tour last year, so from there it was like, 'Should we do some old stuff?'. We would usually be looking at doing new material at this kinda time, but we talked about it, and what with covid and such, we thought there might be a few people out there who hadn't been to see a live show for a while. So we thought we could use some kind of tool to get more people coming back as we move forward. Not in the sense of making an album of self covers or anything, but since the 25th anniversary of our debut is in Jan 2024, we thought we might as well try something. We just wanna try out what we can, because of course there is always loads that we can't.

ーYeah. Self covers or remakes can give the impression of being backwards looking, but as we talked about how past songs have fit so well in the current tour and helped you realise how far you've come, it could be said that looking afresh at these songs from 25 years ago might be the link to future discoveries.

Whether or not this links to new things is hard to tell untill we do it, that wasn't really in my mind. But for now its more like a tool to stir up the 'Lets go and see Dir en grey again' feeling. I can say this, back in the day there were a lot of so-called heavy bands I used to go and see. I admired them and started my own band, I'm that kind of person too (lol) But I think a lot of people like that eventually start to think 'Ah, I havnt listened to that kind of music for a while', they even stop listening to music at all sometimes. Or if they do listen, its the same stuff they listened to back in the day. I wanted to strike a chord with those kind of people and get them thinking about coming to see a show. As well as letting them connect with Phalaris, its just a good starting point to get back in. So these new remakes are part of a plan, as opposed to something we just really wanted to do.

ーDir en grey have rerecored old songs in the past, but those past remakes have been more about updating old songs to match the contemporary sound of the band. Was there no such intention this time?

Its not like there was NO intention, of course, we wanted to put some of our current selves into them while making them. But we didn't want to change them outright. So in that sense, they are different from our past remakes.

ー Without trying to make any big intentional changes, you wanted the natural differences between then and now to shine through?

Yeah, that kind of thing. I think in that sense, we achieved our aim.

ー I see. I actually dug up an old interview from 25 years ago, and have been re-reading it. In it you were speaking about the background to each song and such, but Kaoru, how did you feel back then about releasing 3 songs at once for your major debut?

I though it was a great talking point, but it was hard work (lol) We had first talked about releasing two songs. So we went to LA with this idea and got to work in the studio, but then it somehow got suggested to do three songs. I honestly didn't even know how we were gonna get even two songs recorded, so I was rather skeptical that we could manage three. (lol)

ーWhat song was number 3?

That was Yurameki. We had started pre-production on all three at first, and sent them to Yoshiki. After that we chose the diametrically opposed Zan and Akuro no oka as the two songs to record. But when we went to LA, it was like, 'Ok, lets just do all three'.

ーI can hear the voice of your producer when you say that (lol). Back then, it wasn't that unusual for two songs to be released as a single at once in this category, but three had a big impact. What kind of things made a big impression on your memory back then?

Firstly, there were a lot of people around. Also, it was non-stop photoshoots and interviews. I was always writing music within this kind of bustling situation. It was really easy to lose focus of where we were heading with it all, so I tried to keep a tight hold on only that. But there were still a lot of days where I just had no idea what I was supposed to be doing.

ーYou were having like, 10 interviews at day, right? Wasn't it a bit like those artists who come to Japan for promotion, but like every day?

Yeah, even for photoshoots we would have 3 different studios booked, going here, going there, interviews in between, every time.

ーI'd like to ask about the three songs. On the new release, Yurameki is song number one. Was there any meaning behind recording them in this order?

After finishing the arangements, when we were starting the recording stage, we thought this order would be good based on how the song starts and ends. Its only for this reason.

ーI was going to ask more about the song order, but as for Yurameki, it was a bit of a curve ball for Dir en grey back in the day, wasn't it?

No, not really. We had melodious songs even then, I didn't think it was that much of a curve ball. Its Shinya's song, but he had been writIng songs during the indies era too. It was a recognition of our Shinya-esque songs.

ーAt the time, you said, 'Its a pop song, but we wanted to change up the style'. Does that mean you thought a lot about how to put it out there?

In the end, if we kept it ordinary, it would end up sounding like a totally ordinary song. I actually paid a lot of attention to parts that you wouldn't notice even if you listened to the song (lol). For example, the chord work. Yoshiki would tell me to do impossible things like, 'How about we try this?'

ーWhat do you mean by 'impossible'?

To put it simply, impossible chords and stuff. (lol) But he would say, 'Its only for the recording, so its ok, right?' So we changed our plans, and recorded all the chords one string at a time, then layered them up to make the sound. Not like playing every string simultaneously, but recording phrases one string at a time. So in the end the texture of the sound came out with more of a bang. I was spending a lot of time on those parts that no-one would probably notice.

ーIn other words, you deconstructed the song during recording.

Yes, I took advantage of the fact that they were chords that couldn't be played normally, and recorded them in a way which was unique to the studio.

ーI see. And about the songs Akuro no Oka and Zan, Yoshiki's opposite comments about both songs are in this old article. You said that for the former, he said he was concerned about the collision of sounds, and for the latter, he said 'I don't care about the collision of sounds'.

Heh, that sounds about right.

ー The collision of sounds. These are words I sometimes hear. In short, its where sounds are mixing at a place and a time where they shouldn't, right?

Yes. Maybe its because I'm a guitarist, but I tend to like adding more and more sounds and layering them up. I would suggest something like, 'I want to add this kind of phrase here', and Yoshiki would say, 'No, that gets in the way of the other sounds, change it'. So I would add something different, and he would say, 'No, thats no good either. Do you really need to add something here?'. For me it was like, 'well, I may not need to, but I want to'. It might be a guitarist thing. I say this, because Yoshiki did tell me, 'HIDE was like that, always wanting to add extra stuff in'. (lol)

ーIt must have sent shivers down your spine to hear that. In addition to this, you also said about Akuro no oka, that 'Including the guitar solo, the developments in this song are really satisfying to play'. Is it these chord progressions and such that feel pleasant to guitarists as a rule?

That is part of it. I've always felt comfortable playing this song. But when we were doing the remake, I did wonder whether I should try to go even further with it. Like, could I make it feel even more satisfying? I did actually try it, but it ended up feeling so good, it didn't line up with the original song anymore (lol). So I gave that up. It wasn't Akuro no oka anymore, it had a kind of palacial feel to it. I thought this wouldn't work (lol)

ーI feel like I also want to hear the palacial version, but we do need to preserve the foundations of the song, right? (lol) Okay, so next, the complete opposite of Akuro no oka, Zan. The song itself had been around from the beginning, and it seems like it went through many minor changes to get to where it was?

Well, because we had played it a bit live. But originally, we made it in the studio with me just telling everyone stuff like, 'Im gonna play this part like this, so you play the drums like this' etc etc. And then for the CD release, I actually remade the arrangement, so we could do it properly.

ーGenerally speaking, this is the least fitting of the three songs to be a single. Did you ever question or doubt putting this out as a single?

No, I definitely wanted to release it. So much so as to even say 'I want Zan as the first song' (lol). But it would be tough with only Zan, so thats how we came around to the idea of releasing two songs. Like, 'It has impact, but we need something with a different feel to it too'.

ーI see. It might have been a lot different if not for this decision. The three songs were recorded at the studio 'ONE ON ONE' in LA. (Note: This later became 'EXTASY STUDIO' when Yoshiki bought it, and is now in the hands of a different owner under the name '17 HERZ STUDIO'). This place was well-known for being used by Metallica, but how was it, recording overseas so suddenly?

Well, it was super luxurious. I've never had such a cushty recording experience since (lol)

ーDid you feel like, 'We made it!'?

No, I didn't. Not that long before that I had being doing home recordings, or usIng super tiny studios etc up until our indies era. So no, even being placed in that situation didn't make me feel like we'd made it. It was more like, 'Okay, what do we do now?' (lol) Being in that unfamiliar environment, there was a lot of pressure to make something lasting. We had unlimited use of equipment, but at that stage in our growth, we had limited knowledge, and undeveloped ears. So even if we heard something, we were unable to tell whether or not it really sounded good. It was me, who listened to nothing but heavy music, being told, 'Maybe this sounds better?', but then just responding, ' Nah, I just wanna make it sound more distorted'(lol) I only ever had this kind of exchange back then. But of course, my knowledge, brain, and ears were not fit for that environment. It was a bit of a waste in some sense. But it could be quite interesting if we were to do that kind of thing now. I didnt understand how the sound of a studio works back then, but if it was now, as well as having understanding, I would be able to really experiment with different things. I'd understand about mic positioning, about creating ambience, and all sorts. But back then I knew nothing. (lol)

ー Its seems almost pointless to be in that environment with such a lack of understanding and appreciation, but I think the experience itself probably meant a great deal to you, right?

Yes. I learned the importance of taking time to make something. Looking at a song from different angles, trying to dig into it in different ways. Before that things were never really much deeper than, 'Ok guys, lets make something'. I learned how to put great care into my work for the duration.

ーIts a very valuable thing to learn early on that its not all easy. Ok, so in January you will hold the FC limited live shows in Kawasaki and Osaka. You'll be in 25th debut anniversary mode in mid-Jan, right?

Well, yeah. And after that is the European tour, which will be a bit different from a regular tour. And the after that, a domestic tour entitled PSYCHONNECT. This time its 25 years since Gauze (lol).

ーIt's one anniversary after another, right?

Yeah (lol) The timing was just right to fit a tour in this Spring, and when we talked about what kind of thing to do, a Gauze themed hall tour was suggested.

ーJust to make things clear, this doesn't mean you are going to re-record the whole of Gauze, does it?

No no no (lol). If we did that people would be like, 'Enough of this already, record some new material!' (lol)

ーOf course. But at same time, I'm still kinda curious about hearing something like that.

Even if we were to do that, now isn't the time for it. People would end up thinking, 'What, are you gonna rerecord your entire catalogue??' (lol) That wouldn't be much fun.

ーYeah, interest would drop if it was nothing but rewriting history.

If I was a fan, I'd probably be thinking, 'Is this all they're doing from now on?'

ーRight. The thing we are really all waiting for is some new material after fully digesting Phalaris. Have you begun anything in that direction?

Nope, not yet (lol). I don't even know whether its ok to say this, but I haven't started yet. But actually, I was thinking about getting started today (lol).

ーYou might start writing new music straight after this interview?

Yeah, the interview just came into my schedule at exactly this time.

ーI can't wait to hear what you come up with. When I interviewed you just after the completion of Phalaris, you said that with no regular touring during covid, it had been difficult to communicate and exchange ideas with the other members. Does this mean that normality has returned to the bands' interactions. Are you able to make new music whilst interating with the other members on tour again?

Yes, we had already got back to a sense of normality by the tour before this. but now we are actually discussing next moves and stuff, and we are ready to get started. Straight after this interview, to be exact (lol).

ーLet me ask you one more thing. We touched earlier on the European tour which will be held in March. Its the first overseas tour to have past albums as a theme. What were you thinking about when deciding this?

We had originally talked about doing it in 2022 as part of the 25th anniversary run. But with the pandemic, and also trying to balance it out with the Phalaris tour, we were unable to make it happen then, so we slided it over to 2024 just as it was. People might be wondering why we are doing it at this time, but we had planned to do it from before, and now we just finally have the chance to.

ーWould you like to return to overseas touring as it used to happen previously?

Well, yeah, but its not easy. The reality is a lot different now than how it used to be. Its really not as simple as to just say, 'Let's go' now. In this case, we managed to make it work by seeing if we could do it at this particular time, but I can't be sure about future overseas tours. So to the fans in Europe, I want them to come and see us this time. Don't wait for next tme.

ーIts really interesting that the themes for this European tour are Uroboros and Withering to death. Your first ever tour of Europe was with Withering to death. These two albums have been influential in Dir en grey's overseas activities.

Yeah, we were overseas the most with those albums, and with The Marrow Of A Bone. I had thought about digging a little deeper, era-wise. Like maybe taking Vulgar overseas or something. Maybe if we have a chance in the future.

ー There are still many paths open to you. What about a Gauze world tour?

Heh, that would require a lot of motivation (lol) It would be impossible otherwise (lol)

ーWhether or not you ever manage that, there are still a lot of other things you need to do, and things you can do. I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of year 2024 is for you.

Thank you. Hopefully it won't be long before we have something new to put out.

#dir en grey #kaoru #薫 #I agree that Phalaris is thier best album #great interview #Comments about overseas touring #Vulgar overseas tour!#long post

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leesjuicycalves · 3 months

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Maybe it’s because you had deprived yourself of it for most of your life time that now you seemed to crazily demand and need it. One would think you’re a maniac, in fact, for how desperately you needed it. How desperately you needed him. It’s been over two weeks since Hyunjin, your boyfriend went on tour with the rest of his band members and it’s been the most agonizingly painful weeks of your life. You were used to him leaving for a few days or so, to work in the studio on a new track or album, but he never slept out in the period you’ve dated. You thought it wouldn’t be that big of a deal since you’ve been living fine all your life without any desires or needs, physically. But oh boy were you so wrong. Hwang Hyunjin was like a drug that you didn’t know you needed, the kind of drug that takes you to cloud nine, the type of drug that gets you into that headspace. The kind of drug that takes away all the pain that could ever exist and replace it with pure ecstasy and bliss. The kind of drug that you so needed every night for the past two weeks that you’ve been laying alone and cold in your bed.

Back in college your friends would tease you of how you scared away every boy and or girl that liked you, they said that you would spend the rest of your life alone and sad, masturbating to yourself miserably having no one to fill that void in your heart and in your pussy. You would in fact, cringe at their dumb comments and remarks saying that you found none of the people that approached you attractive or likeable. “They’re just meh for me you know,” you had once told Mina, your best friend. “Have you just considered the fact that you’re asexual?” She had asked you. You had actually considered this fact but hadn’t pried much into it and to be fair there was no one that attractive in school, they were all just so, well, meh! That was until this goofy looking guy came up to you this one time in the hallway with a red card said hi to you in the nerdiest way possible, gave you the card and scurried off after pushing back his big round glasses. You were confused that was clear, first and foremost you had never seen the guy and second who does that.

“I like you, go out with me. Please.” That was what the card said, you couldn’t help but giggle a little at the gesture looking around the hallway to see whether the goofy looking guy was around even though you knew he was far gone. Going on that unexpected date was the best decision you seemed to have made that entire semester, you found out his name was Hyunjin and that he was a trainee at JYPE Company. You eventually ended up seeing each other more than often turning your friend’s heads and by the time both of you were done with college, you and Hyunjin were officially a couple and he had also debuted.

You were both happy of your achievements and made a promise to be there for each other no matter what, and that’s exactly what you did. Despite his many schedules that he had Hyunjin still made sure to make time for you and despite your hustle of finding a job you also made sure to be there for him and support him through his idol career. It was hard, you were not gonna lie about that. Sometimes you wished he would change his career option, but that was when you were most tired of everything. The times when he would come home too tired to listen to your conversations, the times he would cancel your dates cause of work, the times he would just stay home crying because of what stupid ass anti k-pop people would say; this was the worst period of time in your relationship. But despite the challenges that came with his career and the negativity that sometimes surrounded it, you knew you wouldn't want Hyunjin to be doing anything else. You loved seeing him on stage, doing what he loved, and you were proud of all the hard work he put into it.

Besides he always made it up to you one way or the other, he always ensured that you felt loved and cared for, cherished and treasured. The laughter you shared in your little apartment on the wholesome nights you spent together talking about everything and nothing, the little dates he took you out to when he got leaves and the amazing sex you had after was all you needed to convince you that you needed to stay and Hyunjin was worth it.

But as Hyunjin’s fame soared, the dynamics of your relationship seemed to shift. The increasing demand of his career meant less time spent together a contrast to the initial days. Yes he was still busy during the previous days but it didn’t compare to how busy he got after releasing their first full album. Balancing the desire for more of his time and understanding the sacrifices he made for your relationship (the sacrifices you also had to make) became a delicate dance, so when he told you that they had a tour coming up to promote their new album you were puzzled. Of course you were happy for him, he had accomplished so much but you missed his touch, his company, his sweet sultry voice and everything about him.

You lay in your bed staring up at the starry ceiling you remember you and Hyujin painted when you moved in your little apartment. You felt sad? Mad? Angry? Frustrated? You didn’t even know, maybe it was a mix of all these but what you did know is that you were horny and needy and so much more. If it were even possible. Hyunjin had called you earlier that day but you weren’t in the right emotion to pick up the phone so you just let it ring as tears stung your eyes. You ended up falling asleep after supposedly memorizing every star painted on your ceiling, you were so deep in your slumber that you didn’t hear Hyunjin walk in that night, you didn’t hear him giggling at your cute sleeping form. You didn’t feel the delicate kiss he placed on your forehead and you definitely didn’t feel him slip right behind you, spooning you and whispering a sweet goodnight to you. So when you wake up the next morning and feel a body pressed against your back you’re a little bit startled but calm down as soon as the scent of him fills you.

“Jinnie?” you murmur sleepily turning to face his beautiful sleeping face.

“Mmmh,” he groans before opening his eyes. “Morning baby,” he coos back at you.

“What are you doing here, I thought you guys would be done next week,” you asked sincerely shocked as you sit up on your elbow.

“Don’t you want me here baby,” he asks in a pout as he scoots closer to lay his head on your tummy.

You giggle at his antics and thread your fingers along his silky hair.

“Jinnie you know that’s not what I mean,”

“Well, there is heavy rain in Jakarta, that was our next stop so we cancelled that and I decided to come home to you my sweets,” he answers placing a soft kiss on your covered tummy.

“Oh ok. Lemme go make you something to eat then, am sure you’re hungry,” you say as a matter of fact as you make way to leave the bed but Hyunjin holds you back tighter.

“Let’s just stay like this a little bit longer, yeah,”

“I need to get to work Hyun so I have to get up anyways so let go. When did you even get here?”

“Last night, when you were sleeping. You looked cute,” he says as his hands slop under your sleeping shirt. “And peaceful. Just skip work today, for me?” His hand stops right beneath your right breast and you can feel what you’ve been needing all those days back, his simple touch.

“We can’t do this now Jinnie. Am sure you also need rest.”

“I don’t, I slept all the way here in the plane so am ok. Just stay please.”

Honestly you also don’t know why you’re trying to run away from him, from what you’ve been wanting and needing so badly for the past two weeks. He was right there next to you, touching you, talking to you just like you wanted. Maybe it was the guilt of the all the emotions you had in the previous days, killing you from the inside.

“Baby,” Hyunjin’s sultry voice breaks you from your thoughts, he slowly lifts his head from your tummy and his hand now fully lays on top of your breast.

“I called you last night, wanted to tell you I was coming but you didn’t pick up,”

He is now straddling your hips as you lay flat on your back staring at his beautiful eyes that held all his love for you.

“I-I must have been asleep-”

“S’ alright at least I gave you a surprise,” he leans down and his soft plump lips meet yours and you swear you feel yourself ascend. His lips felt like the softest pillow made of itsy-bits of love and admiration. The kiss was slow and delicate, it was as if Hyunjin was taking his time to express his feelings trough the kiss, speaking volumes of the countless conversations missed during his absence, apologizing for all the time lost, for all the dates he canceled because of work and re assuring you that the promises you once made to each other were still alive and he intended to keep them. He kissed you fervently as if telling you that you were his future, the one he would be with forever, the one he would always come back to after a long day at work or after his tours, it was a kiss of relief for the both of you, a solace.

Hyunjin pressed his lips harder against yours almost as if he never wanted to part, never wanted to stop kissing your beautiful lips. He only pulled back when he tasted a hint of saltiness on his lips (sure of which he knew were tears and not blood since he was positive he hadn’t gone that rough). You also only realized your state when you no longer felt the comfort of his lips on yours.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Why-why are you crying? What’s the matter?” He was quick to sit up right, but not fully placing his weight on you, thumb swiping away the stray drops of tears on your flushed cheeks.

“N-nothing, just so happy you’re back,” you say barely as a whisper while you sniffle in between your statement turning your head to avoid Hyunjin’s gaze and wiping your own tears rather harshly with the back of your hand. He slowly turns you back to face him, delicately pushing your hand from your face.

“Am. Happy. That. Am. Back. Too.” He tells you punctuating every word with a peck on your eyes, nose, cheeks and lips. You smile at him, the kind of smile that he always said made his heart beat a tad faster every time. This is why you stay back, why you had the strength to keep waiting for the last two weeks. Why you still hold on despite the frustration, anger, sadness and loneliness at times. Because of his lovely existing self.

“Baby,” Hyunjin whispers, his hand that had been laying a top of your breast groping it harshly.

“Jinnie, I-I, you…..”

“Need you. I need you love, so bad.”

It is only then that you notice the clear hard on pocking at your naked thigh.

Hyunjin lowers himself once again to your lips, kissing you shortly then proceeds to place open mouth kisses on your neck and collarbone. He maneuvers to slide off the spaghetti top that you have on and within no time you feel the warmness of his lips on your breasts kissing and sucking. You grip his bare back, nails holding tight onto his flesh sure enough to leave a mark. Your body melts against is touch, completely giving him full control to do as he pleases because that’s the kind of effect that he has on you.

Hyunjin snakes his lips down your abdomen and stops at the waistband of your sleeping shorts. Your eyes that were shut the entire time shoot open at feeling his warm breath there. You both look at each other for a while, the silence in the room might seem awkward to a stranger but you relinquish comfort and trust from it knowing that your sweet love will take care of you. You frantically nod your head at him and the smirk he gives you sets you off further than he already has. Your shorts fly across somewhere in the room and you are left completely vulnerable in front of Hyunjin, he looks at your pussy as if it’s the first time he’s seen you and embarrassment suddenly washes over you. You have no time to dwell on that feeling since Hyunjin immediately takes it away by giving a long lick along your wet slick folds, he gives a somewhat hum of agreement, or is it satisfaction, and the vibrations against your folds have you moaning out.

“Missed this,” he mumbles and laps at your pussy up and down, his plump lips sucking harsh and his thick warm tongue poking at your entrance. All you can do is squirm and writhe in pleasure against the bed holding tight your velvet sheets whilst chanting his name like a holy mantra.

Hyunjin’s lips almost push you to your climax but he pulls back before anything could happen appearing right above you once more to give you another kiss but this time harsh and heated with the intend to satisfy his desire; a distraction as he works to push two of his long digits into you scissoring you open. You immediately gasp at the sudden move, back arching of the bed. Hyunjin whimpers into the kiss as his painfully hard covered dick makes contact with your exposed stomach. You reach out in between the two of you and free him from the restraints of his silky pajama, stroking him with your soft hands. This causes his fingers to suddenly poke harder inside you lightly pressing on your g spot.

“H-hyun, please, p-please,” you beg your hands no longer focusing on keeping steady strokes on his dick.

“I know angel, I know,” he answers back adding a third finger into you and speeding up the pace of his fingers. He is just as desperate to be inside you as you are to have him. After a couple of thrusts and a few seconds of sloppy kissing, Hyunjin pulls his fingers out and aligns himself with your hole placing his tip just at the entrance.

“Nggh-Jin-jinnie, hurry please,” you whine and push yourself forward trying to get his entire dick in you at once.

“Patience baby,” he says with a chuckle as he holds your hips in place and slowly starts gliding into you with a low groan. The stretch you feel from him is immaculate to say the least, you take him in fully as you hold on tightly to his forearms moaning and whimpering. Hyunjin was always caring and careful at times like this, and you appreciated that. But today was not the day for that, considering that the world had deprived you of his touch for a while, deprived you of the stretch of his dick that you never seemed to get enough of. So Hyunjin pausing to wait for you to adjust to him was simply not done, you moved forward harshly, the tip of Hyunjin’s dick hitting hard on that spongy spot inside you eliciting sound between whimper and a gasp out of him as he fell forward laying on your chest.

“Baby, y-you can’t do that,” you could hear the surprise in his voice, he clearly did not expect that.

“You’re too slow Hyunn,” you answer cockily with a smirk on your face. He doesn’t answer back but instead lifts himself up and starts moving painfully slow rubbing his dick on your walls as his hands move to knead both your breasts. “F-fuck,” you curse out gripping his back harshly. He knows exactly how you take him, slow and hard, none of that fast bullshit. He grins at your reaction slamming harder into you and kissing all over your chest.

The room was filled with your whimpers and moans, the wet sounds of his dick dragging along your slick walls, his low guttural grunts and the sound of his name coming out of your lips, sweet praises of “you’re doing well love,” and “Keep taking me so good baby,” fueling you and taking you closer to your climax. You feel yourself convulsing around him, legs trembling and arms too weak to hold onto anything. “Hy-Hyun….I’m gonna…..f-fuck,” you stop mid-sentence as he continuously slams harder into you. “Come on baby let go,” before you can administer what he’s commanding of you your walls release around him body shaking and mouth hanging open in a silent moan. It doesn’t take long for him to let go as well, filling you with his warm cum. He continues to fuck you both from your high the squelching sounds getting louder as he finally pulls out and collapses on top of you. Your hands rest on his head sweeping away the strands of hair stuck to his forehead. The room is silent for a while with nothing but your steady breathing sounds, both of you too comfortable to say a word and too comfortable to move away from each other.

#hyunjin #skz x reader #hyunjin x reader #stray kids #skz imagines #skz smut #skz x y/n #skz smau #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x you #hyunjin x you

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tgmsunmontue · 3 months

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Jake's Cakes

Hangster AU MeetCute. 2k. (Teen for swearing but more General). Complete. Iceman has tasked Bradley with organising Maverick's 60th birthday cake. This goes as planned until Mav decides to be a gremlin.

He’s filled in an online form and gotten confirmation that they can make a cake for his time frame, and he’s not sure when ordering some baked goods required such a procedure. He’s pretty sure his mom always just bought his cakes from the grocery store. But it’s Mav’s sixtieth, his first significant birthday since they started patching their broken relationship a few years ago. Ice has asked him to organize a cake, enough for a hundred people, and okay, that seems extravagant but Ice is the one planning the party and he feels like he’s in his bad books, so he’ll do as Ice asks.

There’s a bell attached to the door and it jingles as he pushes it open and he looks around the store called Jake’s Cakes. It’s crisp and clean, sparkling glass display cabinet showing a selection of carefully decorated cupcakes, some cookies and slices, all looking delicious, which is what the reviews had said, and he hopes like hell they were real ones. He doesn’t want to screw this up.

“Hi, can I help you?”

“Hi, I have an appointment?”

“Bradley?”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Great. I’ll let Jake know you’re here. He won’t be very far away. We have an album if you’d like to look at pictures and get some ideas.”

He expects an actual physical album, but instead it’s a tablet and he can flip through the pictures with a swipe of his finger and he feels more confident with his choice of bakery. There’re lots of photos and also photos and even short video of the cakes in-progress, and it’s pretty damned cool seeing the time and skill that goes into making and decorating, but also knowing that he’s chosen a place that takes care to show that to the customers as well.

Then a guy is walking toward him, wearing chef whites that have a colorful trim, maybe a cupcake pattern? He’s taller, younger than Bradley expected, also a lot more male than he was expecting, which he realizes is incredibly sexist of him. He’s grinning, pulling off disposable gloves and holding his hand out to shake and Bradley takes it.

“Hi. Bradley Bradshaw?”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Hi. I’m Jake. So, how can I help you?”

“Uh, hi, I need to order a cake for a birthday party?”

“Yeah, of course. It’s generally why most people make appointments with me. You have an idea on flavor and how many people you’re wanting to feed?”

“Yeah, about one hundred people, and his favorite flavor is vanilla.”

“Boyfriend?”

Bradley pulls a face.

“No. Godfather. It’s his 60th. But you can’t refer to his age on the cake, he’ll kill me and they won’t find my body.”

The guy lets his eyes sweep down the length of Bradley’s body and then back up and he feels himself flush. He’s not used to guys checking him out so blatantly. The Navy might have moved a little with the times, but that is not something he’s ever encountered outside of a nightclub.

“That would be a shame.”

“Uh.”

“Back to the cake… What were you thinking in terms of decorations and frosting? Any hard no’s or flavor profiles?”

“He likes lemon. He’s pretty boring when it comes to cake flavors actually,” Bradley realizes, and it actually makes a nice change to have something that is just simple when it comes to Mav. Not the complicated mess that has been their relationship in the past.

“We can afford to have a few flavors if we’re feeding one hundred. Maybe a classic chocolate mudcake for those that don’t like vanilla?”

“Yeah, sure. You’re the expert.”

“So, what’s he into? Do we have a theme for the party or something I can use to guide me for decorating?”

“Uh, there isn’t a theme I don’t think. Let me check. He’s a naval aviator.”

“Does it run in the family?”

“What?”

“Being a naval aviator?”

Bradley shrugs.

“Yeah, I guess it does.”

“Okay, so long serving naval aviator and obviously proud of it. Does he have a call sign?”

“Yeah. Maverick.”

“Okay. that’s a cool callsign, I was hoping for something a bit goofy, like Possum or something.”

“Sorry to disappoint?”

“Oh, there is nothing disappointing about you…”

Bradley flushes again, not sure how to flirt back in the face of such brazen interest. He’s used to far more subtle approaches, but he doesn’t want to make the guy think he’s not interested.

“He fixes up motorbikes, and planes. His favorites are a P51 Mustang plane and a Kawasaki-Ninja bike… he loves flying. A lot. More than anything else probably.”

“Is it the sky or the speed?”

“Uh, the speed probably. He’s a bit of a daredevil.”

“Okay. I’ve got some ideas. You want me to sketch them up and send them to you, or do you trust me?”

“Just tell me what you’re thinking…” Jake just raises an eyebrow at him, and Jesus fuck, does the man never stop flirting? “About the cake?”

Jake grins, his eyes crinkling like he knows he’s flustering him and he’s taking a lot of pleasure in it.

“Three tier on a large board, using fondant because then I can paint it. One half of the board is a road in the desert, with the bike, the other half of the board an ocean with a carrier and then the cake itself painted like the sky but have a whole bunch of silhouettes of planes and then a model of the P51 at the top. That’s what I’m thinking. For the cake.”

“Sounds good,” Bradley manages to croak out.

… … …

After paying the deposit and organizing pickup for a couple of weeks’ time he somehow leaves without a date, or even the guys number; he’s never felt so mentally undressed while remaining fully clothed. Maybe it was just flirting and he’s that out of practice.

… … …

Pete looks at the cake and it’s gorgeous, clearly made with him in mind and he’s glad he’s managed to see it without an audience, because he feels a little emotional looking at it. He definitely wants to try it, even though it’s one of those pieces of almost art which some people feel bad about cutting up. He doesn’t, cake is made to be eaten. He pulls out his phone and snaps a few pictures, then decides a video is necessary to capture the proper amount of details, the little white tips on the waves as the carrier breaks through the water, the planes in the sky, and he can identify the different types and he’s really impressed.

It is making him quite hungry though, but he can’t cut a slice, Tom and Bradley would both kill him and be each other’s alibi… He spies a little box, sealed with the sticker of what must be the bakery and his eyes light up, opening it easily. He’d expected maybe a slice of cake, instead there’s three cookies… They’re heart shaped, like the conversation heart candy you get around Valentine’s Day. Except he knows Tom had asked Bradley to organize the cake.

Call me.

Hot stuff.

And there, finally, on the last cookie is a phone number and Pete laughs, because clearly Bradley made an impression himself. He quickly snaps a picture of all of them and sends them to Tom along with the message ‘why do you not get me cookies like this?’ because these are giving him the ability to wind up both Bradley and Tom at the same time, which is a rare and unusual treat. Just like these cookies.

He takes the Hot stuff biscuit and takes a bite, and it’s tangy with lemon, not sickly-sweet like he was expecting and he finishes it off, ponders whether they’re all the same flavor. Taking another photo to make sure he has the number in full he reaches for the Call me cookie and mmm, yeah, raspberry. He deliberately breaks a few crumbs off and scatters them in the box, eyes the last cookie and decides that Bradley’s wrath is worth it. If he ends up dating the baker then he’ll have an endless supply of cookies. The cookie with the phone number on it is passionfruit flavored and he’s impressed that none of them have crossed the line into sickly sweet. He could have a fourth one, if there was one. Instead he looks at the photos he’s taken, takes another of the empty box with nothing but crumbs. He then sends two pictures, captioned with Before and After… making sure the number is not completely visible. Cookies were delicious. Thanks. Think the bakery person wants to ask you out.

… … …

Jake hasn’t read a person that wrong in a while, the message he’d received yesterday a little surprising. Normally when he flirts with people who are in a relationship they’re quick to let him know, rather than act adorably flustered and like they’ve never been flirted with before. He’d been pretty sure Bradley had been into him, but he shrugs, plenty of other fish in the sea and birds in the sky. He hears the bell ring from the door opening and heads out, the only one not yet elbow deep in baking or decorating, although when he sees Bradley standing at the counter he wants to do an abrupt one-eighty.

“Morning. How can I help? Was everything okay with the cake?” Jake asks, smoothly professional.

“Yeah, it was great. It looked amazing and tasted great. Uh. Thanks. I was just wondering…”

Jake frowns, wonders if the guy is going to ask him out.

“I was just wondering if you’d be interested in a date?”

“Your husband let me know in no uncertain terms that you are not available.”

“What?”

“I’m not married.”

“Well, this guy seems to think the opposite,” Jake says, pulling up the message from the number, sliding his phone across the counter, offering it to Bradley to pick it up.

… … …

>>The person you gave those cookies to is happily married. While I agree that he is hot stuff, he will not be calling you, he’s mine.

Bradley frowns, looks at the number and doesn’t immediately recognize it but he’s got an inkling… He pulls out his own phone, starts typing in the number and within five digits it’s showing Ice’s contact information.

Of fucking course.

He groans.

“Find your husband?”

“Not my husband. My godfather’s husband. My Uncle Ice,” Bradley says, slides both phones back across to Jake to show the matching number. “Mav took the cookies, ate them and sent me a message with a photo of the crumbs. And a before photo, but he didn’t show your whole number, but I, uh, got the message.”

“Oh…” Jake’s grin is slow, but it’s there and it warms Bradley from inside-out.

“Ice obviously got a photo with your whole number… And I didn’t need your number, I know where you work.”

“Yeah, but I was asking you out.”

“And I’m here to say yes. Well, assuming you’re not scared off by my apparently very possessive Uncle, who I swear won’t have a problem with you as long as you’re not trying to actually ask Mav out, then… yeah. Let’s go out.”

“I finish at three.”

“Three. See you then.”

“Look forward to it.”

#Hangster #Sereshaw #rooster x hangman #top gun maverick #IceMav

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roo-bastmoon · 10 months

Text

With 17 versions to buy and 8 versions combined for 160 streams per Spotify account, plus Melon and FLO streams now counting, of course Jungkook’s Seven is charting high and sweeping awards. Firstly because it’s Jungkook of course, and secondly because it’s been given every possible advantage.

My (perhaps controversial) opinions about that are below the cut.

Honestly? I really can’t feel good about any “first” or “most” or “fastest” records achieved by this single—catchy as it is—which wasn’t written or conceived by Jungkook and has nothing much personal or deeply meaningful about it. It’s a fun feel-good summer pop song, for sure, but no more groundbreaking than, say, Bad Decisions (in my opinion… I have no musical expertise.)

But I can’t feel super great about all the records and awards because this many versions immediately restocked and shipped and auto play and promoted to radio and ads and leadership hyping only this while Jungkook says he wants to be the one and only artist to conquer kpop and pop for the next thousand years… it all just doesn’t really sit right with me.

When compared to the 10 months Jimin forewent sleep, food, and showers to have a hand in every aspect of his first (and deeply personal and symbolic) album, which was never sent to radio or restocked, got split tracks and delayed playlisting and shady articles, plus not one kudos or congratulations from leadership even after he made history for South Korea and stocks soared…

Forgive me, but it all leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It is ruining the song for me.

Some things like culled streams and sales are out of the company’s control. But the things I mentioned above were all possible for Jimin’s Hot 100 #1. Even if every Tannie has total say in their projects' sales and marketing, and everyone was on board with only Jungkook getting the Hybe America "red carpet" treatment, I can’t lie and say the stark difference feels fine. It doesn't, and I confess I leave the headphones in every time Seven comes up in the playlists now.

I’m not jealous. If anything, I have a warped sense of pride that Jimin has done so fantastically well despite so many, many obstacles stacked against him. I love to champion an underdog and I’m glad I never need to doubt his success was organic. I actually feel extra admiration for how humble and hardworking he continues to be—no resting on any laurels for the It Boy. I'm so glad he is my ult-bias.

*sigh*

Listen to me.

I know Jungkook and Jimin are both genuinely good people. I know they are sincerely talented and hard working. I know they truly love each other. I know all members are legitimately happy for each others' success.

I know what’s important to me may not be important to them, nor what they want for their careers. And even if I feel their company’s making shitty decisions, I know my place as a fan.

So I trust them. And I simply hang in. I hope lessons were learned for smoother, fairer future releases. Because neglecting assets makes zero business sense, and perceived favoritism can erode the group’s bonds and tear ARMY apart. It is, frankly, just plain stupid.

So I may dislike things about their solo era rollouts and I can't bring myself to sugar-coat it; but I mostly try to keep my negative thoughts to myself and find things I CAN celebrate with other fans on an open timeline.

I never want another Tannie to feel anguished and misunderstood the way Hobi did about JitB’s physicals.

Watching Jungkook’s face here on his London live when he talks about people hating him just haunts me. It guts me. I can't stand it. That kid was going through it and I don't believe he has a malicious bone in his body, so it just really upsets me seeing him like that.

There’s so, so much about this company, this industry, this culture that I just don’t understand. But I trust Park Jimin completely. As long as Park Jimin loves and supports his members, God knows, I will too.

So!! On that note...

We have Jungkook’s birthday to celebrate next week and Taehyung’s album to support the week after that. I’m going to do my best to rest up and gather some good energy for these things!

And of course, we must congratulate our Jimin, who made history again today, and no matter what, will always set the standard. I just know he's cooking up something else for us with all these weeks of silence, and I cannot wait to go BERSERK for it whenever it drops.

I’m not really sure I had a point to this post. It’s just that I have been mulling all this over for a long time, and finally felt well enough to sit up long enough to come online and type up my thoughts.

I guess what I mostly wanted to share with my friends here is that it’s okay to feel really disappointed and even enraged at the way some things play out over the (hopefully life-long) careers of BTS members. Don't let folks gaslight you. Call it like you see it. (Maybe keep sensitive things behind a cut or in the DMs--and of course, please change your mind if you get better insight. In the end, only the Tannies really know what's going on with the Tannies.)

But while I’m still side-eyeing the company so hard right now, I’ve decided to love and support the boys as people and artists. I'm trying to believe the best in everyone. I’m still an OT7 Jikooker.

You don’t have to agree with me, and if you need to unfollow, I understand. But I figured I should just tell you guys (especially the new followers) where I am at with all this.

Love, Roo

#jimin #jikook #jungkook

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jmdbjk · 1 year

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Oh, Jimin...

These are my personal impressions, thoughts, interpretations and opinions on Jimin’s solo FACE album. Some of the things I say here are built on things I know from past original content, interviews and what Jimin has shared personally. Some of it is just me reveling in my first experience with Jimin’s long awaited album.

It is such a serious album. Jimin said this is the story of what he was feeling, chronologically, 2020-2022, during the pandemic era. At the beginning of 2020, BTS was rising higher than any Korean artist ever had before and then all of a sudden the momentum came to a halt, and there was nothing. Having the life you’ve known suddenly jerked away from you is traumatizing.

Once the king of social media, Jimin almost ceased by the end of 2020 and never went back. “Oh, he just outgrew it.” No, the man was struggling with his issues and not only did he not need to see the extra crap spewed all over social media but he had nothing left to give, nothing left inside.

I noticed how Jimin looked physically back in 2020. He was downright frail y’all. The man was trying to give us what we wanted at the expense of his mental and physical health. That breakdown he had during the ending ments in Memories 2020 was too much. They were all stressed out, but Jimin... those that said he was being over dramatic... the man was struggling with his mental health.

I wrote this last June, 2022 but never posted it:

After Memories 2020 dropped, we’ve heard Jimin say he struggled after everything got canceled. Days upon days that turned into months upon months and more than two years passed before they finally returned to in-person performances. He stated that during isolation and lockdowns he wondered what was the purpose of his life, or that he had lost his purpose.

Jimin’s struggles were most likely much more severe than he let on and he 100% kept it to himself because he didn’t want us to worry about him. That sounded like solo delusional projection but think about Jimin and how he’s behaved in the past...always telling us not to worry. Always saying things to reassure us that he’s happy, he eats well, don’t worry.

There was no working, no performing, their lives and his life changed drastically overnight just like all of ours did. Would we ever get back to normal? What will happen in the future? When will all of this end?

Face-Off

The album opens with a carnival calliope, it was a little jarring and unexpected. The images it conjured in my brain as the notes played were of a worn out circus winding down. It made me think of the big wild circus that WAS his life, and it just wound down and keeled over.

Knowing the premise of the album, I think the title, Face-Off, implies Jimin is looking at himself. Speaking to himself. The lyrics could also imply he is speaking to someone else, like people he once trusted. But I don’t think so.

He was having a confrontation with himself. Reasoning and bargaining with himself.

Maybe he once trusted himself but in this time and place in which he finds himself, he questions what is he doing? and second guessing himself. Day in and day out, the days are all the same nothingness. Hiding his feelings, faking it, pretending it was all ok. It’s all cool. It’ll be all right. He has said many times he looks back at that time and thinks he could have done more for the fans. Being hard on himself. His own worst critic.

And then this enters the picture: using alcohol to self-medicate. Getting drunk. Numbing the pain. Forgetting. Drink all night. Oh, Jimin...

We know he has a very high alcohol tolerance. He once mentioned that he used to drink a lot. When he declined the champagne during the live after the Busan concert, we all made jokes about it and moved on. Oh, Jimin.

Face-Off feels like it could have been a purging song when he wrote it. A little primal, you know... just scream, get it out. Painful but cathartic.

This is the lyric that was scary: “tonight is a beautiful night, I think I’m close (or I think I have it all/I think I’ve found myself)” were chilling to me because they did not come across as optimistic, they came across as being at the end of one’s rope after becoming a shell of a person. He follows that line with “tonight I don’t want to be sober.” Oh, Jimin.

His vocals open very low and moody then transition to a plaintive cry, punctuated with anger.

Pour it down, pour it out... the anger, the emotions, the words, just pour it out.

Interlude: Dive

Like the calliope that sadly wound down, Dive opens with the melody slowly winding back up to speed. Another day starting. Someone knocks, voices, the ambience of a normal day, breathing, running footsteps. The crowd cheering and Jimin’s voice during his ending ments at the Busan concert, more sounds of people in his life. We hear Jimin’s footsteps trudging, it sounds like we hear him climbing steps, entering his house, closing the door, and first thing he does when he is alone in the quiet is pour a drink and drinking deeply. I am concerned.

Maybe it is supposed to represent the closing of Chapter 1, about a day in the past that was once a “normal” day, since it included the last things he said during that concert.

The music track is dreamlike, repetitive. Living in a dream. Every day. Same thing. Go home. Drink. Do it again. Dive means go deep. In deep. He’s in deep.

There is a very subtle line between drinking in order to make it through another day/night versus drinking to relax and wind down. A slippery slope to walk on every single day.

We’ve transitioned from the world changing overnight to living in a daze trying to pretend everything is ok. Coping.

Like Crazy

(I am going to express my thoughts using the English version of the song.)

Jimin has explained the song is influenced by the movie of the same name.

I have learned that the dialogue from the movie was NOT original to the movie but hired voice actors specifically for the song: “I think we can last forever.” “I’m afraid that everything will disappear.” “Just trust me.” And at the end: “How long again?” “What’s the point?”

He has said the dialogue that was used fit the message of the song. I have not seen the movie. I don’t think the song is a literal interpretation of the movie. I think the song’s basic concept is the emotional struggle trying to maintain a dream. But maintaining a dream is unrealistic no matter what you do to try to make it last. Jimin had to come to terms with that.

Jimin’s vocals begin very light and airy, very dreamy.

[God, he’s fine.]

The vibe of the song is sort of retro, very much evokes the artist, The Weeknd. It has a very 80′s synth beat. It is a very danceable song. Like I said, on the surface.... very dreamy.

Vocals transition and it still seems like he’s having a conversation with himself, or with a voice within himself. A voice telling him to “trust me, follow me... I will make it good for you.” Me: gives a side eye to that voice in Jimin’s head because now I know it’s not trustworthy. “I’ll take the pressure off, been reaching for the stars.” Chasing that high. Go easy, Jimin. Please be careful.

Yes, the lyrics are also very sexy... “give me a good ride,” and “Let me have a taste.” Yep, I’m with ya on all that... ahem...

[Wow]

[side note: I love the make up in the bathroom scene with that stroke of silver under his eye.]

“All my reflections, I can’t even recognize.” ...what he sees of himself is not reality. He doesn’t recognize himself. Don’t try to save me. I want to stay like this.

To me, the mud on the floor, the mud flowing down the walls, the mud on the hand that grabs his wrist at the beginning of the song, the mud on his hand at the end... could represent his perceived imperfections, flawed, therefore dirty: his struggle to cope, his less than perfect thoughts... substance abuse... the struggle that he needs to be perfect on the outside or the attempt to appear perfect on the outside but there’s all this dirt on the inside that he can’t hide any longer.....the huge pile of mud at his feet is out of place in the otherwise normal room of his life. Becoming overwhelming for him.

Some of the visuals of this song are, to put it bluntly, very, not heterosexual. Again, these are just my impressions and opinions. But a friend pointed out the photo on the front of his pants and I went looking for information about the art photographer, Robert Mapplethorpe. He was heavily involved in New York’s gay BDSM scene. Some of the things written about him:

“In a rapidly changing society, he fearlessly confronted taboos surrounding gender, sexuality and mortality, seeking to instill beauty and dignity into subjects that lay outside accepted social norms.”

“... a man who consistently brought his audience face to face with the unknown and the unseen.”

The song ends with him reaching toward the camera to smear it with the mud to hide his imperfect self. When Jimin puts his face in front of the camera, he doesn’t want us to see his imperfections. He wants to be as perfect as he can, he says it all the time, he wants to look pretty for us, but I hope he has realized we accept him as a real human being even with his very human imperfections.

Alone

The alarm clock goes off...yet another day...doesn’t trust the people even if they are nice to him...he’s lost...day in day out... passing out drunk and not remembering...what am I doing? am I the only one feeling like this? Alone, pretending to be ok...every day the same...how much more until I can go back to before? Feeling more and more isolated within his own mind, pretending to be ok but losing himself every day. Mayday. The cry for help. Telling himself it will be all right (we all told ourselves this back then). The small nagging voice that doesn’t believe it.

Realizing you’ve changed and you are never going back to the way you were before.

Not gonna lie, that line right there broke my heart. Gives new meaning to Set Me Free Pt. 2′s line: "raise your hands for the past me.”

He was in so much trouble and no one knew. He reassured us over and over that he was fine. Not to be over-dramatic but I don’t want to think about how close he was... I have seen a few people say this song really resonated with them. It is a very powerful cry for help.

Jimin’s vocals blew me away. The vocals start out very subdued, almost beaten down. His vocal fry squeezes my heart. He ends crying out “what do I have to do to end this darkness?” Bad twilight. Night’s can be hard.

Set Me Free Pt. 2

From my post on March 17, 2023:

Going insane to stay sane. Raise your hands for the past me. Now set me free. This is where I literally cried. Oh, Jimin.

Going crazy trying to fake being ok.

Now I know this song is about him saving himself, setting himself free from this prison he was in, the depression, breaking the chains of alcohol dependency, of telling the naysayers out there and his own internal naysayer to go fuck themselves, Park Jimin is back. Strong and beautiful and fierce. The light of the moon shining on us.

We know he still considers soju his joy. He sounds like he’s taken control, not totally abstaining, but in control. I only wish the rest of his days are happiness and stable mental health well-being.

Letter

So unexpected. I was in shock. My heart floated away.

People talk about how Jimin’s album has no collabs on it, unlike the previous member’s solo work. My opinion is, when you are sharing deeply intimate feelings and emotions and struggles about yourself you don’t want or need other people/voices on your song. It’s not appropriate.

The only exception to this was… Jungkook…not exactly a collab, but he’s there. The other songs used background vocalists who are not members of BTS.

This song was hidden. Yes, there have been other hidden songs. But come on...

Letter has a strong stroke of Promise in the “oh, oh.” And when Jungkook starts singing it is like the world is set right because those two voices blend like nothing else I’ve ever heard. And he comes in in the middle of the song gently supporting Jimin’s vocals. But unmistakably Jungkook. I know it’s up to interpretation, but for me, the lyrics from then on take on something a little extra in meaning with Jungkook there singing with Jimin.

You held your hand out to me and now I will hold on to you. So simple and beautiful. The sounds of the surf remind me of the song “Okinawa” that Jimin posted once. Which also reminds me of their pics at Santa Monica beach...

Letter seems to be an actual letter. When the members told him to write it down, put it in a song, maybe Jimin’s first impulse was to write it as if it was a letter. The lyrics are simple and very to the point and convey:

“...though I’m not good with words, I want to sincerely say let’s make each other happier. You who showed me I am bigger than my small self. You've been by my side and I will be by yours. I hope we stay together until the cold winter. Though the future is unknown and scary, let’s stay together. Never forget we’re together.”

There are references to past songs: Sea, Spring Day. Both of those songs were from 2017.

But Jungkook. On a Jimin song. That was hidden. Clever. That we had no idea about...even though Kookie knocked us over the head with it when he played the guitar for us, making sure we knew he’d only had one lesson. Who do you think gave him that first guitar lesson? Jimin... and Kookie blurting out some English in his last live... who do you think he’s been practicing English with? Duh, Jimin.

It was a hidden song AND the credits were hidden on the page in the book. They were printed in varnish only, which is basically shiny, clear ink.

You know what I think? Jungkook knew about this song since Festa dinner. The teasing about not being offered the chance to listen to the song. That little shit. I KNOW IT WAS THIS SONG!! I JUST KNOW IT!! This was the rumored subunit. Or at least one of them. I guess we’ll eventually see if there are any more between the others.

They sound so beautiful together. I love them. And as I keep saying, they are fine… they’ve been fine.

Last words...

Anyway, that was a lot of words. Maybe I got too deep. Jimin explained himself about how the album originated.

As I was telling my friend earlier...everything in this album has peeled a layer, or several layers, away from EVERYTHING I've seen and heard from Jimin and the group since 2020. I had written some things in the past, like last June and even before that, about how Jimin seemed not well mentally. Things that I had no business saying in public because who the hell am I to think I can say something like that about someone I have never met? So I never posted those words. I never thought I would be so close to the mark in thinking those things. He’s been through it, wrote songs about it, and moved on. And I am so proud of him and this album.

#jimin face #face-off #like crazy #i'm so proud of jimin #if they were trying to quash any ships this was not the way to go about it #i said that after hickey-gate too #also jikook #did i mention i am so proud of jimin?#and kookie is so funny

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hergrandplan · 1 month

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Wille's Month 2024 Day 4 ( @youngroyals-events) : Revolution

In cleaning up their home, Simon and Wille find something from their past.

Read below the cut or on ao3 (warning: tooth-rotting fluff. You may want to call your dentist)(1.4k, T)

Their living room is filled with half-empty boxes. Soft pop music plays in the background as they work through the piles of stuff they gathered, both softly humming along, sometimes singing. Sometimes, they chuck something in them without asking the other for a second opinion. Other times, Simon holds something up to get Wille’s approval to throw it out – or (less often) vice versa, when they’re not sure if it should go or not.

In packing for their trip to visit Simon’s family they realized they had a lot of stuff. Like, a lot.

Though their suitcases are barely packed, they decided that now, a few days before their trip, was the perfect time to start decluttering their home (they have a few days left anyways). It turns out two people can accumulate a lot of stuff in five years of living together.

The do realize quickly that Wille is the culprit of why they have so much – Simon has long ago learned to live with the fact that his boyfriend likes to keep everything, like the receipt from the first time they went to the movies together).

It’s a slow but steady process. They have a rhythm, they crack jokes and laugh. They remember too. Now and then they find something that makes them drop everything, letting another 10 or 15 minutes slip by as they flip through another photo album, or they find a notebook from their high school years.

It doesn’t matter that they’re going slow though. They’re happy to reminisce. `

“Oh my god,” Simon suddenly exclaims loudly.

Wille looks up from an old book he’s found to see him holding up a cassette tape.

He thinks he recognizes it instantly, but he still asks to be sure, “is that…?”

Simon nods, giggling almost. “I think so.”

They scramble to find cassette player – another thing they maybe should have got rid of earlier, but now Wille’s all the more glad that they still have it. Maybe, an hour from now when Simon insists on throwing something out Wille wants to keep, he’ll use this as leverage. You never know when we might need it.

Simon puts the cassette in the player. It’s old, it crackles a bit, which is unsurprising. It was already old when Wille gave it to him for his birthday, years ago.

Most people would have made a Spotify playlist, but Wille finds there’s something more romantic about giving an actual physical copy. And so, for his boyfriend’s 17th birthday, he’d given him a mix tape, filled with songs that reminded him of him, but most importantly of them. Of Wille and Simon.

The first song plays – Aaliyah, “At Your Best (You Are Love)”, smooth R&B filling their messy living room, the notes falling and landing and staying in between the boxes.

Wille, filled with the need to take in every little detail of Simon’s being, turns to look at Simon only to find that Simon is already giving all of his attention to him. His gaze so full of love it’s almost overwhelming. Wille doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to it, the way Simon just looks at him. Giving Wille his full attention, his utter devotion.

Then again, he looks at Simon, the exact same way. Even after all these years.

Wille is no longer afraid he’s going to lose any of this, he refuses for that to ever happen, not again, but he still savors every single moment with him, his beautiful boy. He looks and touches and feels, he knows the map of Simon’s body even better than the back of his own hand. The phantom memory of Simon is always at his fingertips when they’re apart, always quick to get back home as soon as possible.

And once again, Wille is filled with the need to take in every little detail of Simon’s being, with the need to never take his eyes off of Simon again.

Wille stands up, offers his hand out to Simon, who takes it without hesitation.

Wille pulls him to his feet, slowly, eyes never leaving Simon’s face. He sees the same question that’s been spinning around his mind reflected in Simon’s eyes – how did they ever get this lucky?

He places his hands on Simon’s hips, pulling him just a bit closer. Simon wraps his arms around Wille’s shoulders and gazes up at him, so lovingly, and Wille stares right back. This, he realizes with a flash, is it. This is the man he’s going to marry.

As Aaliyah sings that there’s no need for make-believe (and Wille, in this moment couldn’t agree more), Simon decides that they are not close enough. He pulls himself closer to Wille, burying his face in the crook of his neck, nosing at the soft skin there. Wille hums, moves his arms up, finds a home for them on Simon’s back, holding him tight.

Their dance turns into a shuffle, both men too tangled in each other to be able to move any more. There, between the boxes and the suitcases and all the evidence of a lifetime spent together, the promise of many more years to come, they hold each other.

The song finishes, the music softly fading away. Wille tilts Simon’s chin up, stares into those dark eyes that he will never get enough of. His heart so full of love that he can’t do anything but catch his lips with his, to feel his body flush against him, ever part touching and connecting, souls intertwined. Right now, he’s sure that their hearts even beat in the same rhythm.

There’s a moment of rest in between songs, as the cassette rolls until it lands on the next one. Wille has forgotten what songs he put on there – it’s been, after all, 10 years since he’s made it.

Then the tape hits the next song. A soft piano sounds. Wille feels Simon go still in his arms, as he too tries to figure out what song is playing. Then, all of a sudden, it’s Simon’s voice that fills up their living room. But the sound doesn’t come from the man standing in his arms – it’s coming from the cassette player.

They look at each other for one, long second as realization sinks in. Then, they break out into a fit of giggles, Simon burying his head again in the crook of Wille’s neck.

The song that’s playing is one very near and dear to Wille’s heart – after all, it’s literally named after him. Well, Simon actually never gave it a name, but he’d titled the file Wille. ‘Wille’s song’ is as close to a title as it gets.

Neither of them has heard this song in years – there was a time when Wille played it to death. When he first received it, and he thought this was the final piece of Simon he’d ever get, the only way he would be able to hear his voice.

Simon’s shoulders shake with laughter as the first chorus start, and Wille only pulls him tighter against him.

“I still can’t believe you put this on there,” Simon groans into his shoulder, his voice muffled. Wille’s sure that if he were to look at him now, he’d see Simon’s cheeks burning in embarrassment.

“I think it’s sweet,” Wille says, barely able to contain his laughter, which only makes Simon groan more.

“It’s so cringe.”

“You were sixteen, of course it’s cringe.” Wille brushes a soft hand through Simon’s curls. “And it convinced me to abdicate so…”

Simon finally looks up at him, indeed with cheeks flushing, but he’s grinning too.

“I guess I did spark a little revolution, huh?”

“At least in my heart.”

Wille leans down to press his forehead against Simon’s. His lips find Simon’s again, soft and warm and right. He smiles with Simon’s lips still on his. Simon moves his hands up to the nape of Wille’s neck, fingers buried in the soft hairs there.

Then Wille says the words he’s said a million times already, words he never tires of saying. That he never tires of hearing either. Because no matter how many times he says them, he never feels like it’s enough to convey what he feels for Simon.

“I love you,” he says softly in the space between them. They stay there, linger there, as Simon’s eyes open to gaze at him.

“I love you too,” he whispers back, and pulls him into another kiss.

#willemonth2024 #young royals #yr fanfic #yr fic #yr fanfiction #young royals fanfiction #young royals fanfic #young royals fic #young royals archive #wilmon #wilmon fanfiction #prince wilhelm #wilhelm eriksson now?#simon eriksson #wille eriksson #wilmon fanfic #yr ficlet #yr drabble #wmday4

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iiconicxpersona · 1 year

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My Girls. - Part Two

Part One can be read here.

“You’re not Superman Joel and even if you were, it’s okay to have someone else to save you every once in a while.”

Word count: 2.1k

After reuniting with Joel and Ellie at Silver Lake, a mutual decision was made to wait out the winter back in Jackson. Despite Joel’s protests at first, it was obvious that he was in no physical condition to keep walking. Ellie’s stitches to close Joel’s stab wound wouldn’t be strong enough to last, and who’s to say you wouldn’t get ambushed again? That was a risk none of you could take, especially now. Thankfully, you were able to find a working truck that had just enough fuel to last the trip back.

“Sweetheart, I’m okay to drive us back to Wyoming. You and Ellie should get some rest.” Joel insisted.

You shook your head. “No, I’ll drive us back. You and Ellie need more rest than I do.”

“Y/N…”

“Joel, I don’t ask you for much so just let me drive the damn truck!” Your tone came out much more aggressive than you intended it to be, but you were in no mood to debate with him right now. You just wanted to get the three of you out of this damn town as soon as possible. As much as he tried to keep a poker face, Joel’s eyes were much more expressive, and it killed you to see the sorrow within them. “Please.” You added in a much softer tone.

You both turned your heads slightly to look at Ellie, who was already sitting in the passenger seat and staring blankly ahead, and Joel sighed in defeat. “Fine, but at least promise me we’ll switch if you start feeling tired?”

“Hey, uh, ca-can we go n-now? I’m f-fucking freezing.” Ellie spoke up. The once cheery and sarcastic tone in her voice that made you smile everyday was gone and it broke your heart.

You wiped a tear and nodded at Joel. “If I get tired, we’ll switch.”

The first day on the road was spent in silence aside from Joel’s light snoring in the back seat. You were grateful to at least have driving as an excuse to distract you from the awful memory that was Silver Lake, but you did worry about Ellie. She hasn’t slept, and she hasn’t spoken a word since the trip began. You needed to distract her from her thoughts, even for just a moment.

“Hey El, you should check out that CD carrier and see if they have anything good.” You gave her a light smile when she looked at you and she attempted to return one before picking up the small leathery binder.

“This one?” She asked.

You nodded. “Yeah. Let’s hope the assholes that drove this truck at least had good taste in music.”

And for the first time in days, you heard Ellie chuckle and that alone was music to your ears. She unzipped the binder and flipped though each CD. “I don’t really know if any of these are good or not. I’ve never heard of any of these people.” She admitted while still flipping through the binder.

“That’s okay. Just pick anything you want.”

“Oh wait! I’ve heard of Pearl Jam before. I used to listen to them on my Walkman.” She smiled at you, and you felt your heart swell as you smiled back.

“All right, well let’s play it.” You chuckled and held your hand out for her to hand you the CD.

She hesitated and looked back at Joel to see that he was still sleeping. “The music won’t wake him up, will it?”

“We’ll keep the volume down.” You reassured her and she smiled before handing you the CD.

The first song to Pearl Jam’s Ten album began playing and suddenly you were hit with nostalgia. “Oh wow, I haven’t heard this album in so long! Have you heard it before?” You looked at Ellie and she shook her head in response. “You’ll love it, I promise.”

You spent the next couple of days listening to music with Ellie while Joel rested in the back seat, occasionally stopping to stretch your legs or a bathroom break. During that time, she found music she did and didn’t like, which was surprisingly not very different from your music taste. But of all the songs you listened to with her, the one song that touched Ellie the most was Blurry by Puddle of Mudd. In a way, the lyrics reminded you of her and Joel. Surely, she felt the same.

When you finally arrived in Jackson, it felt almost as if you were finally releasing a breath you didn’t realize you were holding since the trip began. You parked the truck not too far from the gate but decided to step out and walk up there by yourself so whoever was on patrol wouldn’t shoot.

“That’s far enough!” A male voice called at you from a distance. “What’s your purpose here?!”

You wondered for a moment why they didn’t recognize you, but then that’s when you realized you still had blood on your hands and face. Joel’s jacket covered up the rest of the mess underneath. You scouted the group and quickly picked Tommy out.

“Tommy, it’s me Y/N! I need your help! Joel’s hurt!”

Tommy and Maria rushed forward the minute you said your name. “Where is he?” Tommy asked once he was close enough to you.

The house Tommy and Maria gave the three of you last time felt more comforting the second time around. After the local doctor took care of Joel, Maria stopped by and gave you each a hot plate of food and some fresh clothes. Ellie was the first to shower, then you went afterwards. While you stood in the middle of the tub and watched all the dirt and once dry blood run down the drain, that’s when you finally decided to let out all the bottled-up emotion. You sobbed not just because of what happened to you, but at what happened to Joel and Ellie. She has yet to tell you what David did to her, and you wouldn’t dare press her for answers. Ellie will come out on her own time.

Once you finally exited the shower, Ellie and Joel were sitting side by side on the bed eating their food and enjoying each other’s company.

“When you found me at that other town, you called me ‘baby girl’. Then when you hugged me and Y/N, you called us ‘your girls’.” Ellie started off and Joel nodded slightly. “Did you mean that?”

You stayed hidden in the hallway while you listened in. Out of fear, you and Joel never once solidified the idea of having a relationship. This trip with Ellie was supposed to be a temporary partnership, nothing more and nothing less. The agreement was for you, Joel and Tess to work together to get Ellie to the Fireflies safely and then after you would go your own way while Tess and Joel went their own way as well. However, Tess dying during the trip was not part of the plan and neither was your growing affection for one another. You couldn’t deny the feelings you were starting to have for Joel, especially when he would look at Ellie and you could see a small glimpse of the man that he once was; a loving and protective father. You would also be lying if you said you haven’t thought about the kiss you gave him and wondered what it would be like to have him kiss you back.

Joel cleared his throat. “Yeah, I meant it. You and Y/N are my girls, and Ellie I can’t begin to tell you both how sorry I am that I wasn’t able to protect you.”

“Joel, please don’t blame yourself for any of that shit. We all did what we could with what we had to protect each other. Now we’re here and we’re safe. They’re not. That’s all that matters.”

Ellie’s words brought tears to your eyes. She may have had the mouth of a sailor, but her heart of gold really came through when it was necessary. You could feel yourself getting emotionally attached to the kid, almost motherly like, even though you knew you shouldn’t be.

“Even so, I promise that’s never gonna happen again. I’ll make sure of it.” Joel said.

You wiped the remaining tears off your face and joined them, you and Joel taking your places on either side of Ellie. The three of you made yourselves comfortable on the king-sized bed and for the first time in days Ellie finally fell asleep. You gently brushed her hair out of her face with your fingers and smiled at her, meanwhile Joel couldn’t take his eyes off you.

“I’m sorry Y/N.” He whispered.

You looked up at him. “Sorry for what?” Even though you knew exactly what he was sorry about.

“I should’ve been there to protect you. To protect her. I let you both down and I—”

“No, Joel.” You interrupted. “You didn’t let us down. You almost died back there, Joel. If anything, we would’ve felt like we let you down if we had listened to you when you told us to leave.” You reached over to him and gently cupped one side of his face in the palm of your hand. He didn’t hesitate to place his own hand on top of yours and kiss your inner wrist. “You’re not Superman Joel and even if you were, it’s okay to have someone else to save you every once in a while.”

It had occurred to him right then and there that you two were indeed saving him, not just physically but emotionally as well. Will his heart ever completely heal from the pain of losing Sarah? Absolutely not, but you and Ellie were slowly filling the hole in his heart that had been empty for the past twenty years. Every day felt more complete with you two around and he was not going to let anyone try to take that away from him ever again.

“I know you said you planned on taking off on your own once this mission is over. Do you still plan on doing that?” His thumb gently rubbed circles on the back of your hand.

You shrugged. “Honestly, I’m not sure of what I want anymore. Everything’s changed since the day we left the Boston QZ. We’ve changed.” You then looked down at Ellie and smiled. “She changed us.”

Joel’s gaze followed yours once you pulled your hand away and stroked her hair. A half smile forming on his lips as he looked at the sleeping child. “Yes, she has.” Joel stared at you two for a moment longer before reality had once again set in. He knew he shouldn’t get used to this. Just like everyone else in his life, you and Ellie were only temporary and he should know better than to get attached. No matter how badly he wanted to at least convince you to stay with him. He sighed and the smile from his face had once again disappeared as he slowly stood up from the bed.

“Where are you going?” Your voice barely above a whisper.

“You should get some rest. I’ll, uh, I’ll be downstairs keeping watch.”

You knew his response was bullshit. There was no reason to keep watch right now, especially here in Jackson. “Joel, you need to rest too.”

“I’ve done enough resting for the past couple of days. I’m fine.” And just like that, sensitive and sweet Joel was gone.

You sighed and nodded in agreement. You didn’t have the energy to argue with him. When Joel had his mind set on something it was hard to get him to change course, even though you wished he would just this once. That was the military discipline in him talking. As soon as Joel stepped out of the room you held Ellie close in your arms and let the tears fall from your eyes without making a sound until your heartache had finally put you to sleep.

While you and Ellie slept, Joel made his way back upstairs to the bedroom and stood above staring at the two of you holding each other in a peaceful sleep. Ever since Sarah was born this was all he wanted for her: a mother who loved her unconditionally. He had dreamed of one day seeing this exact image when he would come home from a late shift; his wife and daughter asleep in his bed as they attempted to wait up for him. While Ellie wasn’t Sarah and you weren’t his wife and this wasn’t his home, the fact that the empty space on the other side of Ellie was specifically for him made his heart swell in his chest. You two were his home, no matter how much he tried to deny it. The half smile once again formed on his lips before he slowly leaned down to kiss you on your temple.

“My girls.”

A/N: I'm not entirely sure if I want this to be a series or not. I was just anxious to write a second part. I hope you all enjoy!

#the last of us fic #the last of us x reader #the last of us x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller fic #joel miller x you #ellie williams x you #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal x reader #bella ramsey fanfic #bella ramsey x you

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