#like before that dance floor and R U Mine and then as the closer body paint with its fantastic visuals to come full circle after the opener

[nicoscheer]

Arctic Monkeys 5.05.2023 Amsterdam Ziggo Dome

Alex Turner’s voice is just fucking soothing and calming its like a warm blanket during winter and a cool beverage on a hot summer day you can either scream and shout and jump along to it till you can’t breathe anymore or just get comfortable and actually fall asleep to him telling you about his, sorry Mark’s, well reviewed taqueria on the hotel’s roof.

[cristalconnors]

TOP 20 SONGS OF 2020

20. “BELOW THE CLAVICLE”- EARTHEATER

“The meaning hasn’t come up yet. It’s still under the surface below the clavicle.”

It isn’t just Alexandra Drewchin’s ear splitting soprano when she hits that impossibly high B, practically shrieking out the “cle” syllable of clavicle, though that’s undoubtedly when I first knew that Eartheater’s avant folk was for me- it’s also the cinematic, lush strings, both bowed and plucked (is that acoustic guitar or harp? I genuinely can’t tell), deepening and complicating the sonic texture of Drewchin’s study of parsing through emotions you aren’t ready to make sense of yet. 

19. “PUSSY TALK”- CITY GIRLS, FT. DOJA CAT

“This pussy so ghetto, this pussy speak ebonics”

“WAP”’s funnier, classless Irish twin, though it’s important to note “Pussy Talk” came first. Yung Miami and JT enlist Doja Cat to expound on everything their pussies deserve and will absolutely settle for nothing less than. And why should they when they’re spitting out verses this inspiredly hilarious with such confidence and flow? 

18. “LICK IN HEAVEN”- JESSY LANZA

“Once I’m spinning, I can’t stop spinning...”

Jessy Lanza is talking about losing your cool, letting your emotions get the best of you and lashing out instead of letting cooler heads prevail, but when that earworm of a chorus hits- “once I’m spinning, I can’t stop spinning” - I can’t stop spinning. I’m that woman on the single art, a wine mom lost in the delirium of the dance floor and in Lanza’s hypnotic, fragmented rhythms.  

17. “GASLIGHTER”- THE CHICKS

“Boy, you know exactly what you did on my boat!”

“Gaslighter” finds Natalie Ames and her Chicks at their most simultaneously ruthless and ebullient, ripping Ames’s ex-husband Adrian Pasdar a new asshole and ratcheting up the righteous anger of “Goodbye Earl” tenfold, channeling it into a glorious wall of sound in what might be their most rousing, emotionally resonant chorus in their storied career. 

16. “HANNAH SUN”- LOMELDA

“Hannah do no harm...”

While “Hannah Sun” begins as an exquisitely observed rumination on grappling with long-distance, pining for someone who’s a continent away, it gradually becomes clear that Hannah Read blames herself for putting the distance between her and the subject of her longing, and that the distance isn’t strictly literal. Skittering synths (or is that distorted flute?) complicate and enrich the texture of the song, allowing it to build organically and stunningly towards a heartbreaking plea to herself- “Hannah, do no harm.”

15. “FIRE”- WAXAHATCHEE

“And when I turn back around will you drain me back out? Will you let me believe that I broke through?”

When I’d drive back and forth between Dallas and Austin over and over again when I was in college, I’d often get off I-35 past Waco and take the back roads through towns I’d never heard of, the sun setting spectacularly behind the titular hills of Hill Country that were beginning to roll out in earnest. I think about that a lot when listening to “Fire,” a song dripping in rural Americana that was, unsurprisingly, inspired by a road trip. We’ve probably all been Katie Crutchfield as she crossed the bridge into West Memphis- alone in the car, awed by the simple beauty of the American countryside, making speeches to ourselves about our past mistakes and figuring out a way forward. 

14. “3AM”- HAIM

“On the screen and in my jeans, just make me feel good.”

On an album full of genre departures and decidedly darker themes than we’ve typically heard from Haim in their near decade of syncopated bubblegum pop rock, “3AM” stands out not only as their most effective stab at pastiche, slipping into the trappings of contemporary R&B with shocking ease and gusto, but also as their most unabashedly fun track in their entire oeuvre. “I think you can hear the amount of joy and laughs we had making this song” Alana Haim tells Apple Music, and you absolutely can.

13. “QADIR”- NICK HAKIM

“We’re sinking down a hole without thinking about our loved ones who might be shrinking...”

I often wonder if I’m putting enough effort into maintaining my relationships with friends I don’t see regularly, who live several time zones away, living their own lives while I live mine. When the thought of sustaining simple correspondence becomes overwhelming, it’s easy for months to go by before you realize you haven’t spoken to one of your closest friends. “QADIR” plays less like a eulogy for a friend gone too soon (though of course it is that) than a plea to the listener to put in the work. It’s worth it. You never know when it’ll be too late.

12. “LEVITATING”- DUA LIPA

“Glitter in the sky, glitter in our eyes shining just the way we are.”

Just a few bars of that delightfully bouncy, extra-terrestrial beat is enough to launch me into space. It’s so refreshing to hear a song that remembers that pop is supposed to be joyful and is best when it’s a bit silly. When discussing this track with Apple Music, Dua Lipa cites Austin Powers as inspiration, elaborating that “if I do a video for this, Mike Meyers has to be in it.” Can’t you just see them together, performing a farcical pas de deux of seduction like the spiritual successor to “Beautiful Stranger?”

11. “RIQUIQUI”- ARCA

“Love in the face of fear! Fear in the face of God!”

Arca’s made a career of harnessing chaos and somehow making sense of it. On an album that finds her embracing more traditional, accessible song structures, “Riquiqui” is a reminder that even when working within an AB structure, she’s still breaking rules left and right and having a blast doing it. She’s also never sounded so ferociously empowered in either her femininity or in her Venezuelan identity, rattling off local colloquialisms with affection and verve without a second thought as to who’s going to understand it. 

10. “FANTASY”- AGAINST ALL LOGIC

“I think about you all the time...”

Or, the musical embodiment of this gif:

When Nicolas Jaar’s tormented synths and crunching beats give way to Beyoncé’s unmistakable alto, it is indeed quite the shock. But should it be? Even if 2017-2019 finds him ditching the dancefloor in favor of more severe, unforgiving soundscapes, his already varied career has shown us nothing’s off limits to him. So why not reinvent Beyoncé’s iconic “Baby Boy” into an industrial, vaguely sinister certified bop that arguably surpasses the original?

9. “PEOPLE, I’VE BEEN SAD”- CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS

“If you disappear, then I’m disappearing, too.”

“People, I’ve been sad” plays out with the vulnerability and intimacy of a tumblr text post you put out in the middle of the night, only to hastily delete later when it gets no notes. It forgoes flowery language in favor of just getting to the point. “I’ve been sad.” Héloïse Adelaïde Letissier blows up this deceptively simple sentiment with richly layered textures and a big screen gloss not to offer any remedies but instead to offer solidarity. We’re all in this hell together.

8. “DESCRIBE”- PERFUME GENIUS

“Can you just find him for me?”

Mike Hadreas has never sounded so hopeless. Utilizing harsh, rattling guitar that would make Kevin Shields swoon, he conveys the experience of being so estranged from happiness and joy that you need to rely on others to describe the sensation to you. But how, when exploring darker textures than he ever has before, does he make despondency sound so divine? 

7. “4 AMERICAN DOLLARS”- U.S. GIRLS

“No matter how much you get to have, you will still die and that’s the only thing.”

Meg Remy picks up where she left off on “4 American Dollars,” reviving the subversive pastiche she mastered on In a Poem Unlimited, this time harnessing the power of funk to dismantle the fallacies we’re taught about the virtues of capitalism. Heavy stuff, but Remy makes it less didactic than joyous, ensuring the listener will be singing “I don’t believe in pennies and nickels and dimes and dollars and pesos and pounds and rupees and yen and rubles” until they start to wonder if maybe they shouldn’t, either. 

6. “STUPID LOVE”- LADY GAGA

“I freak out, I freak out, I freak out, I freak out!”

Due to a healthy spirit of contrarianism mixed with a touch of internalized homophobia and genuine bafflement at her universal appeal and praise, I was a proud Lady Gaga hater for as long as she’d been a cultural entity. I just didn’t get her at all and loved that about myself. Annoying, I know. 2020 was the year I was finally ready to let that all go. Just before the world fell apart in March, I was out at Flaming Saddles (RIP) with friends the night this song came out and by the sixteenth time it played, I understood why it was inducing such hysteria. This was a cultural shift. After a frustrating near-decade of Gaga subverting expectations so thoroughly that she was actively working against her strengths and sabotaging her cultural ubiquity in the process, coupled with the most frightening era of political upheaval in our lifetimes, she was finally ready to save us and be Lady Gaga again. Booming synth, drag sensibilities, absurd thematic conceits- all was right in the world. For the first time in a long time, people had something to be hopeful about, and as I danced that night, I felt that hope, too. 

5. “SHELLFISH MADEMOISELLE”- RÓISÍN MURPHY

“How dare you sentence me to a lifetime without dancing?”

As soon as that bass starts (the funkiest bassline in the history of music?) it’s like Róisín Murphy’s snake charming oboe, coaxing even the most stalwart curmudgeon onto the dancefloor and keeping them there, dancing frantically and involuntarily like the citizens of Strasbourg in 1518, trying their best to keep up with Murphy who isn’t even breaking a sweat, commanding the masses with a sultry remove, beckoning you closer, pulling you inexorably deeper into the mass of gyrating bodies and whispering in your ear “come and have a dance with yer mum.”

4. “PARTY 4 U”- CHARLI XCX

“I only threw this party for you...”

As PC Music / Bubblegum Bass / whatever you want to call it enters its second decade, Charli XCX proves not only that there’s still new textures to explore within it, but also that no one can exploit its artifice to get down to emotional truths like she can. How can she make something this slick sound so vulnerable? “I only threw this party for you” she croons over and over again over glorious syncopated synths that build exquisitely, reaching their climax only to immediately fall away, until it’s just her and her trusty autotune, pleading with the subject of the song to just come to the damn party. But they won’t, of course. They never do, do they?

3. “WAP”- CARDI B, FT. MEGAN THEE STALLION

“I want you to touch that lil’ dangly thing that swing in the back of my throat!”

Sometimes you just immediately know you’re living through a significant cultural moment. No, not COVID. I’m talking about the experience of hearing Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s instant classic “WAP” for the first time, a titanic meeting of the minds that finds both of them at the apex of their cultural influence and at their most undeniable. Can the argument be made that these two aren’t the two best rappers in the game right now? How could you hear this inspiredly filthy sex positive juggernaut, where Cardi and Megan are trading the sickest verses of their careers, and not think these two deserve the world? 

2. “KEROSENE!”- YVES TUMOR

“I can be your baby in real life, sugar. I can live in your dreams.”

If the 2010′s were all about the pop-ification of all music, trading in live instrumentation in favor of polished synths, 2020 forcefully announced the return of the electric guitar when Yves Tumor and Diana Gordon’s back and forth lustfully submissive declarations of desire suddenly gave way to that nasty guitar rip lifted from Uriah Heep’s “Weep in Silence” to announce yet another cultural shift in a year chock full of them- rock and roll was, indeed, here to stay. 

1. “I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME”- FIONA APPLE

“I move with the trees in the breeze, I know that time is elastic.”

We live and we learn. Years spent soul searching and on self-discovery shape us into better, smarter people, progressively knowing and understanding ourselves and the world around us more and more clearly, but Fiona Apple knows that none of that can quell the ferocious desire to be loved by someone. By anyone. By you, whoever that is. We can know that time is elastic and that when we’re gone all our particles will disband and disperse and then we’ll be back in the pulse, and we can know that none of this stuff actually matters, but still- we want, we want, we want. 

[crowtrinkets]

Wooden Brush

ty @alexaplaysgames for giving me this prompt idea 😏 Gender neutral MC, as always

Word Count: 1,824

MC goes to return a book to Felix but ends up doing more than just that.

---

I trudged the hallways of Fathom allowing a rather large yawn to catch me by surprise. I finally finished one book given to me by Felix. A history book nonetheless, it was interesting but about as dry as any Earth history book. The moon wasn’t too high in the sky so I figured Felix was awake and I could return his book. Oh, who am I kidding of course he's awake. I finally find the door to his office and softly knock.

“Felix? Can I come in?” No answer. I take that as a yes and gently push on the door, wincing when the hinges squeak. I look around the darkened study, barely illuminated by a few candles. No Felix. Not at his desk, not at the kitchenette. The only spot left is the couch. I approach the soundless mound on top and find it to be Felix, fast asleep, with Stella resting on his stomach. She must have hopped up after he fell asleep. I stand behind the couch leaning forward so I can pet behind Stella's ears, earning a trill from her.

“Stella, I don’t think Felix wants you sleeping on him,” I whisper. Felix stirs, moving to lay on his side causing Stella to jump off and find a better sleep spot. I round the couch placing the book on the desk and approach Felix. Crouching down so I'm at his eye level. I examine his face before waking him. His soft features are barely illuminated by candlelight, the warm yellow dancing on his face, contrasted by the cool moonlight poking through the window. His usually furrowed brows are still and relaxed, and his signature smug smile is nowhere to be seen. Replaced by a slightly opened mouth, drooling on his sleeve. Oh if I had a camera I would take so many pictures. But all I can do is stare and capture this moment to memory. I decide I’ve looked long enough. I place a hand on his shoulder and slightly shake him.

“Felix… Felix, wake up. Don’t you think you should be sleeping on in your bed?” He grunts a response and turns to face the other way, wrapping an arm around his face, attempting to continue his slumber. I huff in response and move to the other side of the couch. Leaning on the back so I can try to look Felix in the face.

“Felix! This cant be comfortable you may be short but this couch isn't that big,” He mumbles into his arm making it hard to understand what he's saying. “What?” This time he removes his arm, and looks up at me, eyes half-closed.

“I am perfectly comfortable where I lie, there is no need for insults,” he grimaces at me. I chuckle a little.

“You’re comfortable on the same couch as your skin book? Stella's favorite spot?” I question.

“Fair enough,” he remarks, sitting up. He attempts to run a hand through his hair but stops and winces. “Ah! My hair is a mess, Stella must have been trying to groom me again,” He looks around the room for her. I turn and spot her sitting in a loaf position on a chair. I give her a wink letting her know that I won't give away her position. I reach over and run a hand through his hair, but then my hand catches in a knot to which he winces.

“Sorry!”

“I have a comb somewhere around here, would you mind finding it for me? I’m afraid my eyes haven’t adjusted from being roused from my peaceful sleep,” Oh man he’s grumpy when he’s just woken up, I’ll humor him though I am the one that woke him. I scan the study, looking for anything that might resemble a comb or brush. I open various cabinets and draws. Only to find it being used as a bookmark in one of the many tomes piled in a stack. I turn the object in my hand, it’s wooden and has intricate carvings of flowers on the handle.

“Found it!” Felix is now standing, attempting to tidy his mess of books, but his idea of cleaning is just stacking them in a pile. I approach Felix and observe his absolutely destroyed hair. His hair is always a little messy. Maybe more like messy cute, but it’s especially bad at this moment.

“Can I brush your hair?” It comes out before I think about it. He whips around to gawk at me, cheeks flushed pink. "I-I'm sorry I didn't"

"Ok," Is all he manages to say.

"…Ok," is all I can manage to respond with. I walk over to the couch and sit, making space between my legs. "It would be easier if you sat on the floor," I say. All he can do is nod and move to place himself between my knees. My hands start to tremble. Is this actually happening? I take the comb and start at the bottom of Felix’s hair, untangling the knots as I go. The quiet sound of the wooden brush running through Felix’s soft hair acts as a metronome. Repetitive and almost hypnotic. I can feel his shoulders relax as either of my knees bump them while I work through his hair. I get caught on a knot which earns a pained groan from Felix.

“Sorry! You um, you have quite a lot of hair,” I attempt to make conversation.

“Well yes, I have not had the time to visit a hairdresser,” he deadpans.

“R-right,” I continue to brush through his hair, hands still shaking as my face warms with a blush. “Have you ever had your hair braided?” Felix cranes his neck to look up at me.

“You want to braid my hair?” He says, utter confusion twisting his features.

“Well, it might be fun,” I say. He gives me a nod and turns around.

“I don’t know if I would call it fun, but… it may be interesting,” I take that as a yes. I run the comb through his hair once again and set it aside. I run my fingers over his scalp from front to back, bringing his hair back so I can braid it. I can't tell if I imagined it but I think I can feel his body shiver as I do so. I run my index fingers from his temples and back, bringing his hair where I want it.

“You uh, don’t have as much hair as Sage so it might be a little tight,” I say leaning forward towards his right ear.

“N-no matter,” his voice hitches slightly. I can't tell who is more flustered at this point, but it is a bit of fun teasing him. I begin to section his hair accordingly, leaving his bangs out. I start to French braid his hair, being careful not to pull on it. His hair is soft in my fingers, almost too silky to keep a hold on, catching whiffs of morning dew and tea as I braid his locks together. I lean to the side slightly as I work, hoping to catch a glimpse of Felix’s face. I can see a tinge of pink in his ears that spread to his cheeks, his eyes closed, and brows relaxed. Is he enjoying this? I hope he is. He opens one eye to look at me, to which I sit up turning my attention back on his hair. Once I finish braiding down, I grab the trusty hair tie, that always sits on my wrist, and I tie off the end. Securing his braid. I clap my hands on his shoulders.

“All done!” Felix yelps slightly. He stands, stretching his legs after sitting on the floor. “Oh wait, actually sit here I need to fix your bangs,” I pat the spot of the couch next to me and Felix sits without protest or comment. I run my fingers through his bangs, adjusting them so they sit properly on his face. Framing it nicely. I find a stray strand and groan, I must have missed it. I take it and tuck it behind his ear with slow movements. I then spot Felix, staring at me intently. I keep my hand hovering by his ear, too scared to move. Up close I can see just how stormy his eyes are, they look like they carry the weight of a thousand burdens, his cheeks are flushed pink, and his mouth slightly agape. I then rest my hand on his cheek. His eyes flick down to my lips for a split second. I don’t even realize that I'm moving. Moving ever so closer to Felix’s perfectly, adorably flushed face. His half-lidded eyes drawing me in like some sort of spell.

“Felix,” I whisper, mere inches from his lips touching mine, and then-

*BOOM*

“Hey Felix have you seen-“ I jump away from Felix so fast, I'm surprised I didn’t open a wormhole that sent me back to Earth. Felix also lept back, but miscalculated and landed on the floor with an oof. I turn to see Sage, standing in the doorway. I try to cover my blush with my hand, hoping it’s too dark for Sage to see. Felix stands quickly, straightening his clothes, and clears his throat.

“Sage! Have you ever thought to knock for once in your life?” Felix’s voice waves slightly high as he scolds Sage. Avoiding eye contact with either of us.

“Oh my, was I interrupting something?” Sage leans on the doorway. Eyes shifting between us both, a shit-eating grin growing on his lips.

“I-I was returning Felix’s book,” I lean over and pick up a random book, lifting it in the air hoping a prop makes my story more convincing. I mean it was the truth. Was.

“U-Uhm, yes, MC came to return my book, yes, thank you, I will give you a new one tomorrow if you'd like,” Felix says to me, still avoiding my eyes. I nod in response. Standing from the couch handing his book back.

“Well, why is your hair braided? Trying to go for the sexy dangerous look I got going?” Sage says, raising his eyebrows suggestively. “Cause they don’t seem to be into it, trust me I tried,” Sage points to me as he speaks. I can feel the embarrassment bottle up inside me, threatening to explode.

“Goodnight!” I shout. I then stormed out of the room, trying to escape my embarrassment. Did that just happen?

The next morning Felix and I don’t bring up the, ahem, events from the previous night. However, he still wears the braid I did for him when I see him. He offers to return my hair tie but I tell him he can keep it, I have plenty. But really, I think the French braid is a good look for him, and I want him to keep it on longer. I should return his books late at night more often.

[bi-writes]

the light in our eyes — mob!tom

a notorious extra

I haven’t always been this way; there was a time when nothing mattered but the stars.

type: one-shot, alternate universe detail: mob!tom x fem!reader word count: 4k  warnings: mature language and themes series masterlist

The sound of rain was familiar. It pitter-pattered against the windowpane, a kind of quiet that drew in the need for something warm. You didn’t feel needy for long. After a few silent, cold moments, you felt a rough hand slide up your side, fingers brushing your hair away from your neck, cool lips on the soft skin where your neck and jaw met. Your eyes fluttered shut at the feeling, but then those fingers wrapped around the base of your throat, drawing your head back, and you let those lips kiss your own.

Your tongue slipped out from between your lips, and that was when your heard that airy, husky, warm chuckle sound in your ears. You shivered at the sound, feeling that rough hand creep up the back of your shirt, up your bare spine, caressing the place between your shoulder blades, pushing now to draw your body closer to their own. When you opened your eyes, there he was, in all of his glory. Tom Holland, with a wicked grin on that sinful mouth and a light in his eyes that you hadn’t seen before.

“What time is it?” You asked against his lips, and he let out a sigh, his curls flopping over his forehead.

“Half past two, love.”

“What?!”

You sat up quickly, realizing now that you were still wearing your clothes from the day before. Jeans, a t-shirt, and you still had your heels on, your gun tossed haphazardly beside you. You took in Tom’s appearance, his suit jacket thrown onto the back of your vanity chair. His dress shirt was still on, but you noticed specks of blood along the collar of his shirt now, bright against the white of the fabric. You ran your fingers over the blood, smoothing your hand up his jaw and around his neck, and he stared up at you with those lovely dark eyes. You shook your head at him.

“What happened?” You asked. “Why…Why didn’t you call me, Tom? I’ve been…I’ve been waiting, I was worried sick.”

“Got a little sidetracked, but it’s all well and over now,” he said simply. You scoffed a bit, glaring down at him.

“Whose blood is this, Tom?”

“Not mine.”

“I’m not going to fucking ask again,” you said darkly, and Tom let out a frustrated breath through his nose. He sat up against the headboard, loosening the tie around his neck.

“Another Petrov.”

You rolled your eyes angrily at the sound of another Russian name. Being in London only made it easier for your international adversaries to watch you. Not just watch you; they did watch, but they listened for you, found you, made empty grabs at you. You relied on your instincts more than ever now, and you found yourself again and again grateful for always having one hand on your gun and always taking a glance over your shoulder. There were more times than not that you managed to slip away from someone’s angry eyes, from the barrel of their gun, from the blade hiding up their sleeves.

It wasn’t easy for you, and even worse for Tom. He made it a point for you to stay home, away from public, away from open streets, crowds, people. It was too easy to hide in London’s dark corners, and he found it difficult to focus on you and business at the same time, so he had resorted to hiding you away. You had agreed at first after one too many close calls, but now you were itching to get out, to help him, to do anything except sit in this house and be nothing more of a burden.

“Tom,” you said softly, “no more. I’m not…I’m not going to stay here anymore. Not after this.”

You kicked your heels off, grabbing your gun and putting it on the bedside table, opening the drawer to put it away. You sat on the edge of the bed, shaking your head adamantly.

“I’m sick of this shit, Tom,” you said firmly, slamming the drawer shut, standing up. You turned around to face him, and he was taking his tie off, saying nothing but scrunching his nose angrily and clenching that sharp jaw of his. “Did you hear me?!” You grabbed the pillow and threw it at him, hitting him square in the face. He pushed it off of him angrily, grimacing. “I’m not staying here anymore while you risk your fucking life. I’m sick of these people, and I should’ve taken care of it a long time ago.”

You rummaged through the drawers of your dresser, grabbing a pair of black pants and tossing them onto the bed. You took your jeans off, tossing them onto the floor.

“What the hell are you doing?” Tom asked suddenly. “Get back in bed, y/n.”

“Fuck you, Tom,” you snapped, slipping the pants on, grabbing your thigh holster off the desk of your vanity. Tom stood up, coming towards you. You stiffened as he grabbed the holster, snatching it out of your hands and tossing it behind him. You turned to face him, your eyes meeting, and you could feel an angry heat rising up in your chest.

Tom was easy to meet that heat. He stood up straighter, his face stoic and hard, and he felt his own body quickly build with a frustration that had him biting back all the things he wanted to say to you. Tom had to do this a lot. While he could lash out at his men whenever he wanted, it wasn’t the same with you. As soon as he raised his voice, he knew you would have him on the floor. You had done that once before, when he had done something reckless. He had yelled at you, and you had shown him just how careful he had to be when he spoke to you. You had said something about respect, but it was enough for Tom to never dare raise his voice at you again.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Tom growled, reaching up to grab your chin. You smacked his hand away before he could touch your face, and when he tried with the other hand, you swiped the blade out of your belt and held it up to his chin. Tom knew you wouldn’t hurt him, but he wasn’t completely comfortable with the position, nonetheless.

“I’ll go where I please,” you said defiantly. For a moment, Tom could feel a swell of pride rise up in his chest. You didn’t back down for anything, and he admired how strong and confident you could be. Even like this, angry and disobedient, he thought you couldn’t get any more beautiful; but he couldn’t let you leave, not alone, not at this hour, and certainly not without a plan.

He brought his arm up suddenly to take the blade off his neck, but you moved to the side too quickly, lifting your foot up and kicking in the back of his knee, bringing Tom straight to his knees. You dropped the knife as he grabbed your waist, moving to bring you down onto the floor with him. You grunted as he had you on your back in seconds, and you could sense he was about to trap you against the floor. You rolled out from under him before he could, catching his head between your thighs and crossing your ankles, using the last of your strength to squeeze his neck between them, rendering him completely slack as he tried to breathe. Normally, Tom would kill to have his head between your thighs, but this wasn’t exactly romantic.

You kept squeezing, watching as Tom’s entire face became red as he tried to breathe, coughing out uncontrollably as you slowly choked him. Finally, you heard his hand smacking the floor repeatedly as he tapped out, and you let go of him. Tom fell onto his side onto the floor, letting out wheezing breaths and coughs as he tried to recover, and you stood up, blowing hair out of your face as you went to retrieve the thigh holster he had thrown across the bedroom.

You did feel a little bad to see your husband gasping for air on your account, but you were sick of him telling you what to do, keeping you hidden away while he unsuccessfully tried to take care of your problems.

“Bloody hell, y/n,” Tom croaked, standing up finally. He rubbed the back of his neck, taking a seat on the edge of the bed as you dropped your gun into its place around your thigh, grabbing your jacket and fitting it on, zipping it up securely. “No, fuck, y/n, you’re not…you’re not going anywhere.”

You laughed a bit, bitterly, “try me, Tom. You won’t win.”

You met his eyes in the mirror as you adjusted your hair, narrowing your own at him, as if daring him to try and stop you again. He swallowed hard, shaking his head. You sighed a bit, watching him massage his sore muscles. You turned around to face him, coming towards him, and you cupped both of his cheeks in your palms, bringing his head up gently. The rain was falling harder, and the way the moonlight danced across his features made you admire him more a bit more carefully, taking the time to appreciate the gentle features of his face.

“I know why you want to stop me,” you said lowly. “But I’m tired of letting them get to us, Tom. It’s me they’re after, and you’re the one that’s trying to fix things. You can’t do this by yourself, I thought…I thought we said we weren’t going to do things alone anymore, Tom.”

“Then why are you going, love?” He asked gently, scrunching his face a bit painfully. “You don’t even have a plan, and you’re going to go and do what? Barge in there? Kill them all?”

“If that’s what I have to do.”

“You and I both know how bloody foolish that is,” he murmured, and you closed your eyes a bit, lowering yourself slowly, taking a seat in his lap. You leaned your forehead against his, your lips trembling as you tried to listen to the gentle breaths coming in and out of him.

“W-What else am I supposed to do, Tom? God, we just got our fucking lives back, and…it never ends,” you said weakly, nuzzling your nose against him. He brought his hand up, cupping the back of your neck, and he guided your lips to his, kissing you warmly.

“This city is all over the place,” he mumbled. “I just…I needed you to stay here while I sorted things out. I can’t handle the people here if I’m always looking over my shoulder, worrying about you—”

“Tom,” you opened your eyes. “You and I both know I can take care of myself.”

“That’s not enough,” he said lowly. “They had the upper hand on you every bloody time, and the only reason you got out of those fucking situations was because you happened to be vigilant, but what happens when you’re not?”

“Tom, I never let my guard down.”

“We all do, y/n, and when you finally do, that’s when they’ll fucking come for you, and I can’t—” He stopped, gripping the back of your neck tightly, shaking his head. “I can’t protect you all the time. I just can’t, and it kills me inside.”

“Tom,” you said slowly, pulling back just a bit. “You’re going to have to trust me. You’re going to have to trust that when you can’t protect me, I can protect myself. You know I can, Tom, there’s…there’s no reason to worry.”

Tom didn’t agree. As you spoke gently, memories flashed in his head, memories of you. He thought of you that one night, the night you first allowed him to put his hands on you, the night you first let him having a taste, a touch, a drop of you. He remembered the way your eyes had been so dim, so dark, with nothing but fear and regret inside of them. He remembered how you cried, how you held onto him, how you talked about being scared. He remembered feeling defeat, feeling nothing but guilt, for not being able to protect the woman he felt everything for. He had vowed to himself, to you, that he would never put you in danger again.

It haunted him still.

“I worry,” Tom muttered. “I worry, y/n, and there’s nothing you can say or do to change my mind. Because if I stop worrying, then…then…”

You slid your hand into his curls, touching them gently as you leaned down and kissed him again, slowly at first. Then, your hands found purchase on his taut chest, pushing him down gently as you climbed over him. Your thighs on eighter side of his hips, your forearms caging his head, you kissed warmly, bodies pressed close together as he held you tight. One of his hands slid up the expanse of your back while the other traveled up your thigh. You didn’t feel heat or passion in his kiss; you felt apprehension, terror, uneasiness. Tom was afraid, and you could feel every ounce of it in the way he touched you, talked to you, breathed against you. Tom was never good with words, but his eyes could tell stories and his touch could make you feel a million feelings all at once.

That was Tom. Tom, the dangerous, terrifying man with enough power to overthrow governments, had a weakness, and it was always you, and it was always his words. He could command a room, an army, he could convince priests that he was without sin, but he was dumbfounded, speechless, absolutely silent when it came to the woman he loved more than he loved himself.

You.

You, you, always you, the single human being on this entire planet that had him overthinking every move and doubting all of his instincts. Tom was incredibly calculated, planned everything down to the very last detail, but suddenly, with you, he would forget it all. You made his stoic heart feel something, feel more than nothing, and Tom had forgotten what love was like for so long. He had it now, he held it in his arms, he held it so close to his fucking heart, and he would be damned if he lost it.

If I lose you, I lose myself. Maybe it’s selfish, maybe it’s cruel, but I would chain to you this bed if it meant I got to feel this, all the time, never ending, for all of eternity.

Tom loving anything was surreal because Tom Holland loved truly nothing except for himself. But with you, somehow with you, his love was endless, stretching across the vast nothingness he felt inside of him and swallowing him whole until he felt nothing but a deep, burning, hungry warmth. There was something inside of him that came alive, that became human, and he thought, for just a few seconds, that maybe God would forgive the red on his ledger and the deep, gaping wounds he left in his wake. He thought, when you kissed, that perhaps heaven was real because that was the only explanation for the intense, blinding feeling that overcame him when your lips touched.

And even when the light fades, and even when the feelings go away, she’s still here, she’s still beautiful, and I still love her because even when the world is without color, without life, blurry, she is still here, vivid, perfect, and I am still speechless.

“You have to trust me.”

Your voice came out angelic, light, a breeze filled with leaves the color of love. Your hand came up, your fingertips spreading across his face, soft and gentle, and Tom found himself in a lull of your doing as you kissed his face, held him, drew him in.

“I do trust you. It’s everyone else I don’t bloody trust.”

Cheek against cheek, Tom could feel your breath against his ear, warm and sweet.

“I love you, Tom.”

That was all you had to say, because Tom’s head was filled with nothing but paradise, and your words only made him breathe easier.

“I love you, too, darling.”

It had been a long time since Tom ever had to wait. Men in power didn’t wait. Everything came to them, fell at their feet, and all he had to do was snap their fingers, wave their hand, open their mouth and simply speak.

But Tom had to wait, for you, and it made him uneasy. Without the intoxication of your scent, your kisses, the soft way you said, “I love you,” Tom was left to think, and he thought too much when it came to you.

The last time Tom had to think, he was small. The last time Tom had to think, Tom had light in his eyes. There was a gentleness to his touch, a sweetness to his voice, and he had a smile big enough to light up a stage.

He remembered how that felt. He remembered how hot it would get when he stood up on stage with the spotlight shining down on him. He remembered how the wood underneath him would bounce and creak as he jumped, he remembered the feel of the stage curtains when he would come in and out of the wings, he remembered the feeling of everyone’s eyes on him, the sounds of their cheers, the vibrations of their applause.

I remember when they would throw roses at my feet, when they would fill the seats to watch me dance. I remember when I would become someone else for a single night, when I would live a life I dreamed of living and have my story always end with praise, applause, adoration.

Tom’s hand found its way to the bottom drawer of his desk, opening it. He pushed aside the papers and files, finding the crumpled picture hidden under it all. He dug it out, looking at it carefully. It was a smiling picture of his younger self, his teeth still crooked and his hair nothing but a mop of messy curls. He was standing on stage with a group of people he can barely recognize now, wearing a costume and stage makeup, flowers at their feet as they posed for the camera. He ran his thumb over that young boy’s face, touching his smile to see if that would make it feel more real.

I feel nothing. I feel nothing but empty.

That boy had no idea what would come for him. That boy had no idea that in just a few years, he would take up a mantle he never wanted, pick up weapons he never thought he would need, and see more blood than he ever believed he could. That boy had no idea his smile would never be the same; he had no idea that that was the last time he would grace the stage, stand in the spotlight, live in his dream.

Tom didn’t even realize he was crying until a tear fell onto the picture, bleeding into its colors and distorting the paper. He put the picture face down onto his desk, furiously wiping the tears under his eyes, feeling a gaping hole in his chest as he thought about who he used to be and what he used to want.

I don’t know who that is anymore. I don’t know who that is because he can’t be me. He can never be me.

Tom bent over, his elbows on his knees as he covered his face with his hands. Nothing could save the boy he used to be. Tom had buried that boy so deep down inside of him that he wouldn’t even know how far he would have to reach to even feel his presence. Tom had buried his dream, his passion, everything he ever wanted to become whoever he was now.

A killer, a sinner, a man without mercy.

When men like Tom looked in the mirror, they did not see the boys they used to be. The boys they used to be were cut out of them like a tumor and left to bleed out. There was no place for boys in the new world Tom had entered. There was no place for fear or for innocence, and Tom had left him behind long ago. In the mirror, he only saw himself; blood, anger, and the shell of a man that was supposed to be him.

Tom sat up suddenly, hearing the floorboards creak. It was you, standing in the doorway, the shoulders of your leather jacket wet with rain. Your hair was a bit damp, and besides a little bruise forming on your jaw, you were untouched, unscathed, perfectly okay. You took your gloves off slowly, coming into his study and shutting the door behind you.

“Is everything okay, Tom?”

You noticed the redness around his eyes, the way his face was sunken in and tired and uneasy. You came towards him, your heels sounding, and that was when you spotted the paper in front of him on the desk. You reached over to grab it, and Tom didn’t stop you. You turned it over, your eyes scanning over the picture.

You spotted Tom, easily identifiable. He looked so little, the shortest one of the group, and you smiled a bit when you noticed where the picture was taken. You remembered one of his brothers teasing Tom about being a performer, something about a stage, but you didn’t understand what they meant.

“It’s you,” you said softly. “Where was this?”

“I used to…perform,” was he all he said.

Tom had a faraway look in his eyes. You recognized that look because you had it in yourself sometimes. Thoughts about what if, maybe if, should have, could have, would have. You thought everyone in this business must have thought about everything before and wished they could be that vulnerable human again.

Everyone wishes they could still see the light in their eyes.

You took your jacket off, slowly wrapping an arm around Tom’s shoulders and sitting in his lap. He leaned back in his leather seat, holding you closer, and you took his hand in yours, playing with the ring on his finger. You leaned your head on his shoulder, still staring at the picture.

“Is that what you wanted to be?” You asked gently.

Tom was silent for a few minutes. The rain was still falling, hitting the windows with a familiar rhythm, and it filled the silence between the two of you as Tom thought about the boy he had forgotten.

“I wanted to be an actor,” he said finally. You put the picture down, meeting his eyes in the dark light of the room. The sun had yet to come up, but it was in these hours of the mornings that you felt Tom the most.

“You would’ve been…” You let out a sigh, shaking your head, “Tom, you would’ve been…an incredible actor,” you said in a whisper.

He found your gaze when you said that, blinking, his eyes watering a bit. The genuine love in your voice, the hope, it was all he needed to feel that love swell in his chest again and consume him. He no longer hated that feeling, no, he welcomed it, and as you came closer to him to kiss him, he held onto you tightly, too scared to let go.

Because when we are together, I can remember what it feels like to have light inside of me.

So Tom held onto you.

And I will never let you go.

[jjmaebank]

Wildflower 🌼 - JJ Maybank

a/n: yes it’s me, Nikki, back with another 5sos song fic and I'm not mad about it. @aron-pipers-whore​ inspired me to write this so this one’s for u !! (also ik the flowers r rlly big idk why Tumblr has done this)

I loved this because the whole basis behind the lyrics of this song are parts in the chorus are left out so the listener can actually fill them in with whatever they feel fits best. so here I've filled in the missing lyrics with my interpretation !!

Words: 1.5k

[GIF NOT MINE]

❀

I hear you callin’ out my name I love the sound, I love the taste

❀

You were at a typical beach party with the pogues, the beach was littered with tourons and even some kooks that dared to mingle on the other side of the island. The music was loud, deafening even, but the mood was perfect. You were pretty drunk, but just the right amount thanks to JJ’s mixing skills. You were convinced he’d been a bartender in his previous life; he knew how to concoct the perfect drink that tasted like pure ecstasy but that would have you wishing you’d never taken a sip the next morning. But that was what you were feeling right now, pure ecstasy, and you certainly were not complaining about it.

JJ admired you dancing as he sat in the sand, sipping his beer. He swore his heart would stop every time he saw your hair flip from side to side as you moved your head to the music. He felt butterflies erupt throughout his whole body as he watched you sway your hips, your bare skin glistening in the moonlight. But hearing you call his name? There was only one word to describe it, euphoric.

“JJ! Come dance!” You yelled over the music, sticking your index finger out and motioning for him to come to you.

That was all you had to say, his name, and he would obey. You owned him, and you had no idea. The way his name rolled off your tongue made him swear that if the letters ‘J’ weren't coming from your lips, he didn’t want to hear it. JJ was absolutely mesmerised by you. 

You’d hooked up a few times over the summer, every time being after another one of these wild parties, the both of you drunk out of your minds. But you would never mention it afterwards, you'd simply go back to being your normal selves, acting as if it had never even happened.

But after every drunk hook up you had, JJ would long for you more. At first, he thought it was simply a sexual attraction he couldn’t control, but soon enough it became so much more than that. His lust for you was insatiable. You were constantly on his mind, from the moment you left his bed to the moment you fell back in drunkenly. Pretty soon JJ realised what he had for you wasn’t just lust, it was love. He was in love with you.

❀

And I can see it in your face You’ve got a side you can’t explain

❀

You were an enigma. JJ couldn’t figure you out no matter how long he spent trying to decipher your body language, your words, your facial expressions. He was completely in the dark as to whether you reciprocated any sort of feelings towards him. But that was part of what excited him so much about you. You were unreachable, despite the countless times he’d had you.

You had this wild side to you that made you completely unpredictable and he loved it. He’d never had to experience chasing after a girl as they’d usually chase after him, he’d never had to work for it. But with you? It was like a game he had no idea if you were even participating in, and it drove him crazy.

He could see you wanted him from the look in your eyes as you called him over. He knew you were trying to entice him by wearing those low rise shorts and by moving your hips like that. But did you want him the same way he wanted you?

❀

You’re tellin’ me, tellin’ me, tellin’ me you wanna come over You wanna be, wanna be, wanna be, wanna be closer I love it when you wear your hair down over your shoulder ‘Cause I wanna hold ya ‘Cause I know where tonight is going

❀

“So, yours or mine tonight?” You asked, slurring your words, continuing to move in unison with the music.

“It’s gonna have to be yours tonight,” JJ smirked, wrapping his arms around your waist.

You slapped his hands away jokingly, “not quite yet you don’t”

The things you did to this boy. All night he’d been gawking over you, longing to touch you, but you were having your fun teasing him. JJ would even go as far to say tormenting, that’s how bad he wanted you.

You started dancing closer to him, close enough so that your skin was almost touching his. JJ bit his lip as he looked you up and down, exhaling shakily as he tried his hardest not to throw you over his shoulder and carry you to his car just to do it in the backseat. You began to trace your fingers over his biceps causing the hairs on his arms to stick up...but they weren't all that were planning on sticking up that night.

You moved your shoulders side to side as you lowered your body closer to the floor, never breaking eye contact with him. You knew exactly what you were doing. JJ looked down at you, trying so hard not to imagine what else he wished you were doing or else he’d have to cross his legs for the remainder of the night.

“Fuck, (Y/N),” he gasped. You had barely touched him and he was out of breath.

You ran your fingers up your body as you rose up to eye level with him and you saw his eyes widen as you played with the strap of your top. But before he could say anything, you flashed a quick grin before turning around and flipping your hair over your shoulder. You walked away, giving him one quick look over the shoulder before going to sit with Kie who seemed to be lecturing some poor touron on leaving beer cans on the beach.

❀

You’re the only one who makes me feel alive Every time we touch I’ll tell you what I like My wildflower

❀

Later that night, you ended up in bed with JJ as expected. JJ laid there speechless and out of breath, his skin on fire from every where you’d touched him. You seemed so innocent but every time you got intimate with one another you exposed more and more of your wild side. You had made JJ, JJ the notorious player and ladies man, feel things he’d never felt before. You had made him feel more alive than he’d ever felt before.

You had fallen asleep next to him for the first time ever. Usually you or him would leave almost immediately after finishing, despite the countless times JJ had wanted to stay and hold you.

JJ admired your beautiful features as you slept. Your previous erratic self was now at peace, and he revelled in the fact you were lying next to him. He hesitated at first, but he began to trace his fingers across your jawline, moving his finger tips gently up the side of your face and then back down the bridge of your nose, the sound of your exhales putting him in a trance.

JJ leant over your body carefully, making sure not to wake you, and placed a kiss on your lips. It was a long, sensual kiss and much calmer than any the two of you had shared before. JJ almost laughed at the fact that you were asleep and wouldn’t ever know about it; but he wanted you to.

He wanted the two of you to be closer, he wanted to tell you how he felt, but his fear of rejection was too powerful for him to ever reveal it. Having whatever it was you had now was better than not having you at all.

❀

You know you are my favourite fantasy A fatal love song Waterfall is overflowin’

❀

The next day you were all hanging out at the Chateau, telling funny stories about the night before.

“And he just threw his beer can on the sand! I had to tell him off, it’s like...it’s not that hard to care about the environment,” Kie ranted, making you all chuckle a bit.

JJ had hardly been paying attention, he’d been staring at you the whole time, not being able to stop thinking about you. He’d told himself last night that he could never tell you how he felt, how he wanted you to be more than a fantasy. He was scared that confessing his love for you might end in disaster, but seeing you again in a sober state just made his longing for you grow more intense.

He wanted to be able to hold you and kiss you in front of his friends, in front of the world. He wanted to be able to call you his. His love for you had reached breaking point; his fear had acted like a dam, stopping the water from overflowing, and he couldn’t contain it anymore.

The lot of you had decided to go for a boat trip and John B, Kie and Pope were packing up the van, leaving you and JJ in John B’s kitchen, alone. 

“I’m gonna go help them load the van,” you smiled at JJ before getting up from your chair.

“Wait...” JJ responded immediately, his heart rate going through the roof.

You stood still and looked down at the blonde haired boy who had grabbed your arm instinctively to stop you from leaving.

“What’s up?” You frowned, you could feel the clamminess of his hands on your arm. He was nervous.

“I have to tell you something...” JJ said, looking up at you.

+

a/n: tagging some lovely people as I haven’t come up w a full taglist yet : @maybe-maybanks​ , @baby-bearie​ , @obx-sos​ , @drewtruly​ , @spilledtee​ , @outerpogues​ , @languorlust​ , @thebutterflyonhischest​ , @poguemacking​ , @drewstarkey​ , @outrbank​ , @drew-starkey​ , @jjtheangel​

[heartxofxaxvillain]

can you do Mama for Bakugo?

Yup yup! Thanks so much for sending an ask, this was actually rly fun to write!!! Once again, it’s not the best, but I hope you do like it!! It’s inspired by the very last part of the song, where they sound like pirates singing a drinking song as their ship sinks!!

TW: Y*ND*RE TYPE STUFF, IMPLIED DE*TH

Bakugo Katsuki.

A famous pirate crew captain, known for his stories of intense journeys to far lands and his fearlessness for taking whatever he wanted, no matter the circumstances.

How you managed to become the love interest to such a powerful and closed off man so quickly is just as much of a mystery to you then anyone else in that crew of his, but here you were, sitting in the captains cabin of The Ground Zero.

You look around quietly, shuffling a bit, but too shaken to actually stand up and look around.

You were never really interested in sailing, let alone being a pirate, but when a handsome, strong and surprisingly wealthy pirate offers to steal you away from an arranged marriage to a man you u never met before, you know what you’re choice will be.

And if you would call me your sweetheart...

Though, now you weren’t so sure about your decision, as this Captain Bakugo was incredibly aggressive and seemingly pretty selfish.

You sighed quietly, turning to look out the small, circular window next to a desk that was scattered with unfinished maps and piles of coins surrounding it.

As the waves splashed by, you questioned wether or not this was the right place to be, if you made the right choice, but before you could even consider making a decision, a loud stomping closed in towards the door to the cabin.

You jumped as Bakugo swung open the door, and quickly slammed it shut with his foot. This was obviously one of those times to not ask what’s wrong, you didn’t have a death wish.

I'd maybe then sing you a song...

You do kind of wonder if he’d hurt you, though. It’s never happened before, but you feel like you’ve seen him get close, and that was just because you tried to ask what was bothering him a few times too many.

You didn’t want to take that risk.

Bakugo punched the door, the loud thud echoing a bit through the room.

“THESE DAM’ LILY-LIVERED BASTARDS AIN’T UNDERSTANDIN’! HOW THICK SKULLED DO YOU HAVE TO FUCKIN’ BE TEH—-“ as he turned to you, he froze.

You froze as well, waiting for some type of a yell or insult, but all the Captain did was take a deep breath and close his eyes while he massaged his temples.

He calmed down, and it took you by surprise, but what shocked you even more was how is face softened when he looked at you again.

“Y/N...my angel of the sea...I’m sorry for loosin m’ shit, darlin’” he held out his hand in front of you.

You looked up at him, your eyes nearly as wide as the gold plated saucers on the shelf next to the large bed you sat upon.

Bakugo stares at you for a second, then nodding down at his hand which makes you you jump a bit, then gently placing your hand in his.

But there's shit that I've done with this fuck of a gun...

He smiles at you warmly, the most genuine you’ve ever seen and a shiver runs up your spine.

The captain lift your hand up towards his face, leaning a bit as he kisses your knuckles.

“Such a fine beauty...I’m s’ glad I stole ye from those nasty landlubbers. I’ve never laid m’ eyes upon anything so...extraordinary~” his words trailed to a whisper as he leaned closer to you.

You held your breath as you got goosebumps all over your body, who knew such soft praise from a man seen as so insanely aggressive could feel so...amazing.

Bakugo smirked as he leaned back a bit, keeping himself very close to you with both his hands resting on the bed next to your thighs.

“My darlin’ angel...I have such n’ amazin’ surprise for ye soon~” he lifted a hand to brush his thumb over your cheek.

“O-oh...? Where are we going...? Another island...?” You asked quietly.

Bakugo just smiled wide, and you got more chills, but these didn’t feel nearly as ‘good’ as the ones you got from his praise just a second ago.

“B...Bakug—“ his finger pressed against your mouth lightly, his jaw clenching a bit.

You would cry out your eyes all along...

“It’s katsuki. Call me katsuki, angel.” He said with a smirk.

“O-Of course...” You suddenly get a bad feeling in your gut, but you tried to brush it off as much as possible so it wouldn’t show. It was incredibly strange, how affectionate he was being right now.

The Captain did get like this every so often, but never for long, usually to get something he wanted to hear out of you, but this was different.

He’d been more understanding lately, but still as aggressive and mean as ever towards his crew, but they were very much used to it.

Perhaps Bakugo felt bad about the way he’d been treating you, scaring you and hurting your feelings, locking you in the cabin when he was angry the first few month or so you were on the ship.

“Get som’ rest, angel, yer surprise awaits in the mornin’~” he chucked and stood upright, slinging the coat that was in his hand over his shoulder.

We're damned after all...

“But...” you decided not to protest, and Bakugo didn’t seem to hear the beginning of it, so you gave a small, relieved sigh.

You lay down on his bed, turning toward the wall and away from the rest of the room as he walked to sit at his desk. You weren’t tired at all, being sat in the same room the whole day does that to you.

You then hear Bakugo begin to hum a tune, it sounds like it would be the melody to a strange curse, but somehow it so perfectly is making you drowsy. As you lay towards the wall, you fight to stay awake a little longer,

You don’t really like how quickly you were falling asleep now.

Then you woke up.

Through fortune and fame we fall...

It was dark, and the ship was swaying.

You jump up and look around in a panic, your balance practically nonexistent in the current predicament.

Usually, Bakugo would have lit a candle or would even be in bed next to you.

You then noticed the cracked door to the captains cabin, along with a dim, green hue escaping through it.

You slowly began to get out of the bed, quickly having to grab the nearest piece of furniture to not completely topple onto the floor and risking a face plant into a pile coins.

And if you can stay then I'll show you the way...

You slowly make your way through the dimly lit cabin, grabbing onto the wall as the boat swayed left and right.

Eventually, you reached the door, pushing it open slowly to peer out. You couldn’t see much though, so you pushed to open it more, stepping out while clinging to the wall.

What you saw made your blood run cold. Bakugo was standing at the wheel, swaying gently back and forth as his crew slowly walked around him, carrying out seemingly normal tasks but in such a dazed, swaying state.

It was as if the crew had become zombies, mindless and being controlled by something, or someone else.

To return from the ashes you call...

The water around the boat also had a strange, glowing haze, the green hue that shone through the door. It made you uneasy to look at it too long.

You tried to step out, but quickly fell down to the deck, so you decided to crawl towards the Captain.

As you got closer, you called to Bakugo, and he quickly turned to you as he straightened the wheel.

“Y/N! Yer awake! S’ About time!” He said with a smile, the same smile that gave you those awful chills.

“What the hell is going on B- Katsuki..!” You exclaimed.

Bakugo’s smile faded for a second, but came back quickly.

We all carry on...

“Oh, Y/N, m’ angel of th’ sea, my darlin’! Welcome to yer surprise.” He held his arms out to his sides, gesturing around him.

“I don’t understand, Katsuki...”

“n’ eternal dance, a cursed sea that ‘ll seal us t’gether past death itself, Y/N!”

You went silent and stared at him, his eyes piercing through your body.

Bakugo seems displeased by your lack of response, taking a step closer and lifting you off the ground by your arm.

When our brothers in arms are gone...

“We ‘ll be t’gether forever, past death n’ damnation, Angel! We r’ gonna be GODS, Y/N!” He took a Molotov off a nearby box, lighting it and quickly throwing it a small ways behind you. “We’re goin’ t’ burn n’ carry on, Y/N—“

The fire exploded over the deck, no talking line at all to begin to spread. It finally hits that you really did make a horrible choice to come with this man, you were never truly safe here.

So raise your glass high for tomorrow we die...

“N-No!” You gasped out loud, tears streaking your face as you quickly realized your mistake.

Bakugo’s face darkened, a sharp glare piercing through your very soul.

“It’s too late fer no, Y/N. Yer mine forever now.”

And return from the ashes you call.

[hentaimommi]

ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ | ᴇ. ᴋɪʀɪꜱʜɪᴍᴀ (x fem reader)

Warnings: none

Summary: Your 2nd year in university is pretty complex when your relationship is undefined

[A F T E R T H O U G H T]

When you're in University, the biggest happening apart from studies, is partying. You'll find in the dead of a Friday night, every dorm is lit. Fantastical colors, partying teens and adults, just enough to loosen everyone up.

Tonight was a Friday like any other. I'd go to a party, pretend to have fun, then sneak away to the male dorms.

Mina clicked her tongue while watching me strap on my heel. Her skin, dark and beautiful as it was, had been coated in a thick layer of body glitter. She never failed though, to look gorgeous.

"(F/N)! You look breath taking!" She smiled, hugging me. I stumbled a bit in the heels, but stood straight.

Heading to the party was a breeze. Along the way we picked up Momo and Jirou. Momo wore a long black maxi dress, Jirou in her usual pants and band tee. I, however, wore a short dress in hopes of getting taken back to my regular spot at the male dorms.

Upon arrival, we stepped into the- very crowded- dorm complex lobby. Men and women alike were dancing to old hits, congregating perfectly.

It wasn't long before Mina dragged the girls to her friend group of guys, who were always nice, but loud.

When we were pulled there, my eyes shot wide open and the man standing in front of me. Red hair, nearly matching the solo cup in his hand.

"(L/N), this is Bakugou, Denki, Deku, Sero, Todoroki, and Kirishima!" They all greeted me humbly, apart from the man I knew already.

Kiri and I had been hooking up 'exclusively' for about six months now. He was in my last economics class, and we hit it off. When I discussed dating, he became extremely distant, but swore we were exclusive.

Seeing him in public was awkward enough as it is. My normal was the sneak off a go meet him, or go smoke with Shinsou. That was my plan tonight, but seeing Kiri makes me want to cut the party short.

He awkwardly stared at me for a moment, then drank from his cup and looked away.

"Hey, (L/N), want to dance on the floor?" Jirou asked. I nodded, letting her take my hand and lead me to the group of people dancing in the open space.

Her moves were undeniably punk, as mine were seductive and sweet in a way. After the song ended, she gestured for Denki to come over.

"I'm going to go get some fresh air, mind staying with her?" She asks. I rolled my eyes, I didn't need to be babysat, I'm a full grown woman.

He nodded, taking her cup and coming over to me. "(L/N), right?" He asked sweetly, slightly dancing to he new song. I couldn't hear him, so I leaned closer. "Yeah!"

He nodded, face becoming flush. We got more comfortable quickly, his hands finding my hips and grinding to the soft beat of the music.

I could feel Kirishima's burning gaze, his red-hot eyes finding my own, burning into me. He scoffed, getting up and walking over to me.

"Denki, what the fuck are you doing?" Kiri screamed, holding his friends shoulder back and forcing him away from me.

I felt the air become tense, "What?" Denki asked, arching a brow.

"Eijiro, what are you doing?" I asked, defensively stepping in front of the frizzled boy on the floor. His eyes met my own, then looked to the floor.

"I'm single, Kiri. I've asked you to change that, you won't. I'll dance with who I want." you spoke, reaching a hand to help Denki up. Kirishima began to walk away, more than furious. He walked out of the dorm completely.

Denki and I headed back to the tables, myself profusely apologizing.

"You all are on a first name basis?" He asked, sipping the drink I had gotten for him. "Yeah, we uh. Are exclusive, I guess. Not official." Denki's eyes widened, almost looking exasperated. "You're the girl! Oh my god, how stupid am I?" He hit himself on the head. I chucked awkwardly, "The girl?"

He nodded, adjusting himself. "Kirishima kept talking about some girl he was 'falling in love' with; but he said he was too scared to commit. He said he wanted to, though." I felt crazy and blind. So dumb.

I shot up, wishing everyone their goodbyes and running to the male dorms.

Once there, I knocked hard on the front of the door. The same man with spicky blonde hair answered. "What the hell do you want?"

"Where is Kiri?" I asked, hoping he'd come home. "His dorm." Good. Quickly I slid past Bakugou, running through the building like a bad woman.

Once at his dorm, I knocked softly. I didn't want to make him more angry than I assumed he was.

I was wrong, though. When the door opened, his eyes were stained with reminisce of tears. My heart felt so heavy, so crushed seeing him like that.

"W-What do you want?" He asked. His voice felt so broken, my tears nearly fell just the same as his.

"Eijiro, let me in, please." I cooed, touching the part of his hand that was out from the door. He then opened it more, allowing me to slide in. Once in, I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, pulling him close to me.

"Why did you care?" I asked, brushing my fingers through his hair. He only sighed, throwing his head back. "I didn't mean to. It just happened." I nodded against his skin, nuzzling into him.

"Kiri, I have something to tell you." I took his hand, softly looking into his eyes.

He sniffed, looking down at me and gesturing me to proceed. "I love you." He looked shocked, but immediately pulled my head into his chest, softly raking his fingers into my locks. "I love you too, pebble."

I laughed, feeling silly. "And I want you to be my girlfriend. Officially."

I held his waist tighter, smiling against his skin. "Then you're my boyfriend," I spoke, tapping his nose lightly with the tip of my index finger. "-Officially."

[dreamiehrs]

dancing heartbeat ➛ p.js

genre: FLUFF, being in denial, college!au, roommate!jisung, dancer!jisung, awkwardness lmao

pairing: jisung x you

word count: 1.4k

summary: jisung just can’t ignore the way his heart beats faster around you; and with him teaching you dancing, he’s sure his heartbeat will beat faster than ever before.

note: hola this was supposed to be a timestamp at first but I turned it into a little au... hope u guys enjoy! (gif credit: @markle​)

“psst! y/n! get up!” roommate!jisung whisper-shouts in your ear. you groan and use your hand to push his head away, but your attempt is futile as jisung grabs your hand with his huge hand.

he uses his free hand to ruffle your hair, your bird’s nest of hair becoming even worse than before. “cmon, y/n. rise and shine. you said you wanted to learn that one dance cover of mine, right? we’ll let’s get going then.”

your ears perk up at the last part, and jisung notices and chuckles before tugging on your left ear. you whine and swat his hand away from your sensitive ear. “but why so early in the morning?”

“y/n, it’s only seven-fifty. get up.” he resorts to tugging on your hand now, and you finally comply by sitting up in your bed. your untidy hair and frown on your face make jisung feel butterflies in his stomach, but he plays it off as that he’s just sleepy. his gaze wanders down to your oversized shirt, which was actually his, but even though he’s used to this by now, he can’t help the blush from covering his cheeks.

“uh, earth to jisung? earth to jisung?” you wave your hand in front of his eyes which gazed at you, and that seems to break him out of his trance as he flinches at your sudden action.

“s-sorry...” he apologizes before clearing his throat and ruffling your hair one more time before standing up. “go get ready and meet me downstairs. if possible, wear something comfy.”

he exits your shared dorm room and leans against the wall outside of it, trying to slow down his heartbeat. after seeing what you look like every morning, he thought it wouldn’t affect him like this anymore, but clearly, he was mistaken. you made him feel like he just ran a marathon without any breaks to rehydrate himself.

he shook his head and quickly made his way downstairs, trying to forget how adorable you looked earlier.

while waiting for you downstairs, he turned on his phone and went to his games folder, trying to decide which one out of the twenty he had to play. he settled on one of his favorites, pubg, and leaned back as far as he could on the bench he was sitting on.

he didn’t know how much time had passed when he felt someone shout his name from afar. he immediately closed the game and looked up. you were approaching him with your damp hair, oversized t-shirt (which was his, of course), black leggings, and black and white tennis shoes.

you brought a little black bookbag with you, which bounced as you skipped towards jisung. you could see him stand up and start walking towards you, finally meeting you halfway.

“you seem more chipper now than before,” he comments as you pout at his reminder and lightly slap his shoulder, your lip gloss shimmering every time the sun hits it. “is it because you’re excited to learn my dance?”

“it was the coffee I had earlier.” you see his grin slightly fall and you go on your tippy-toes to ruffle his hair. “I’m joking. it’s because of your dance, dummy.” you reassure him and he’s now beaming at you; his bright smile rivaling the sun itself, and you hope he doesn’t see your flushed cheeks.

“I’m glad, then. now, let’s go!” he grabs your hand and leads you to the dancing studio, the one he stays up late practicing in sometimes. his hand is warm and fits perfectly with yours, but you shake that thought away as you let him lead you to the studio.

you two walk-in, still hand-in-hand as you two walk down the hallway and make a right, approaching your booked room. jisung releases your hand for a moment to dig through his pocket, fishing out his student id and placing it against the scanner on the door. the scanner glows green and he promptly opens the door, keeping it open for you to come in.

the room was huge, as jisung would remark whenever he came back to the dorm room after practice. you could easily tell why he preferred it over the others, the spacious mirrors on the wall allowing you to check your movements and posture.

jisung set his stuff down near the mirrors and you did as well, not knowing what to do in this situation. he swivels towards you. “so, which dance of mine did you want to learn?”

you glance up, trying to remember what the name of the song was. you peer at him before a lightbulb goes off in your head. “ah! it’s the one you did on dancing high... you danced to Trust by Justin Beiber.”

his smile grows wider as he remembers dancing in front of all the judges. he was a bit nervous at the time, but when the music cued, all his worries melted away as the rhythm and the beat of the song carried his movements.

he suddenly clapped his hands, which caught you off guard, and exclaimed: “okay! let’s stretch a bit first and then we’ll get started. good?”

you nodded at him. “good.” before you two started to stretch.

after about ten to twenty minutes of stretching and almost an hour’s worth of learning the dance, you were already burnt out. you knew that the choreography would be hard, but not this hard. 

you remember watching his movements throughout the song, your facial expressions contorting into awe and admiration, while your burning cheeks got redder and redder the longer the song played. for a week or two after that, you couldn’t look him in the eyes without your face heating up.

you and your sweaty body were lying on the cold floor while jisung would wipe away the sweat on your forehead every now and then with a clean rag he brought.

“hey y/n?” jisung calls out from beside you.

“yeah?”

“wanna call it quits for today? we can grab a little bit of something on our way back to the dorms if you want,” he suggests and the idea of it tempts you. “then we can just chill in our room.”

you lean yourself on your elbow and gaze at him. “sure, but I really want to learn this dance. maybe we can try again next time when we’re both free?”

“of course.” his smile shines at your passion for learning. “I think you did spectacular, y/n. for a beginner, you seem to know what you’re doing.” he mimics your pose, leaning closer to you.

“r-really?” you stutter out from seeing him move closer to you. you search his eyes, trying to garner a sign that he’s just messing with you, but you can’t seem to detect that by how he’s staring at you.

“I don’t lie, y/n. some of the moves you did really took my breath away, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.” his words make you blush and you tilt your head towards the ground, but not before he uses his index finger to lift it up so you’re peering directly at him.

“c-can I kiss you?” his words barely come out as a whisper. you shakily nod your head, and it feels like you’ve been waiting your entire life for this moment to come. “o-oh my gosh... you actually agreed.”

you chuckle as he gently takes your face in his hands, his brain screaming to not screw this up. he decides to just go for it, and his lips softly clash against yours, teeth clanking against each other once in a while because of how much you two couldn’t stop grinning.

you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss; and after a matter of minutes, you two are in each other’s arms, and both of your heartbeats are beating out of your chests.

you two stay like this for a while until you hear a knock on the door, meaning that your time for the room was up. you both grab your things and exit the practice room; but this time, however, your hands are intertwined in each other’s as you make your way out of the studio and to the closest cafe possible.

a quick something to eat turned into both of your first dates, discussing your feelings for the other while your cheeks burned a deep red.

who knew that a dance practice with your roommate, and now boyfriend, jisung, could turn out this way?

[mars-barssss]

85. "Don't lie to me" with the prompts you just re-blogged, if possible? Any ship ya want 👌

//Sure!

Lies of Omission

TW: Deceit Mention, Remus Mention, A Few Swear Words, Some Roughhousing

Pairing: Prinxiety (referenced Anxiet)

Type: ANGST

___

Once again, Virgil was lurking in the dark around the mindscape. It was usually a normal thing, but tonight, he was following a different set of rules. He just managed his way into his room, which was just as dark as usual. As he quickened his pace, he breezed past the front of his room, the spiderwebs bending unnaturally away from him. He could feel multiple pairs of spider eyes watching him as he finally reached his bed, patterned with a surprisingly intricate spider web design. Confident that he couldn’t be heard in his room, he released a relieved breath.

A sudden thud sounded in the room, as he tore into his drawers. Searching frantically, he tossed many pairs of black pants and old hoodies aside as he dug. Under the many overwhelming layers upon layers, he saw something. He reached for it, which was a card that read, “U R FAMILY”. It was from Patton, and he didn’t want to leave it behind. He didn’t really want to leave any of them behind, but he didn’t want them in danger. Snagging the small card, he slipped it onto his bed, before replacing his purple hoodie with his old plaid one. He zipped up the hoodie, covering his head with the hood before slipping the card in his pocket.

He slipped the purple hoodie into the drawer, and rushed off to the closet. He reached up, stretching, just managing to grab his trusty headphones and phone, which he held gently in his hands. A quick look into it and he saw a playlist of audio books ready at his fingertips from Logan last year. He smiled briefly, before pocketing the phone and putting the headphones around his neck.

With a small breath, Virgil finally ran to the final corner of his room, which had a bit of ruined carpet. Lifting the carpet, he saw the edge of a familiar trap door. Upon raising it, he saw something that made his breath hitch. It was his Christmas sweater, which bore a lot of memories from the previous year. As he reached down to touch it, he held it close to himself, frowning slightly. He could feel it radiating care and hope, something that contrasted Virgil’s own ideals. He could feel his own heart raise in tempo. Roman had made it for him last Christmas, and something about it made him smile still. While he didn’t wear it normally, he still wore it at night. 

He was about to turn, holding the well-loved sweater tightly to him, when he saw a glimpse of something else beneath. A small ring, silver, but slightly cracked on the sides. He remembered trying to build something for the creative side, but he wasn’t exactly meant to form something. Anxiety was no good at forming items. And when he made it with intricate designs, some of the designs became harsh cracks. There was a pair of hearts on the outside of it, one purple and another red, and on the same part on the inside, there were a few small words, “Will you be mine?”

He hesitated, but Virgil reached for the cracked ring, holding it close to his heart. Slipping it onto his finger, albeit a bit loose of a fit, he quickly folded up the sweater and slid it into a bag he had previously formed against his wall. Taking the bag, he covered the trapdoor with the carpet and approached his door.

This is what he had to do.

He snuck quickly down the light-side’s hallway. His footsteps creaked slightly on the wooden floor, but no one seemed to have awaken. He rushed into the living room, his grip on his bag tightened. As he navigated through the couches, a small cough froze his body in place.

“Virgil?”

Shit.

Virgil spun around to see a tired-looking Roman, standing in the arch of the hallway. He was looking deeply into the other side, although he was leaning heavily on the wall. He was wearing a surprisingly simple outfit, a long-sleeved pajama shirt with a crown, and matching red sweatpants.

“You’re already enough of a chemically imbalanced romance for me to be awake at this hour! What in the heavenly world, are you doing?” He rose a bit from where he was leaning, in a poor attempt to have his usual daily flourish. His fond smile still danced upon his regal face.

“The bigger question is why you are up right now?” Virgil attempted to deflect the question, hiding the bag behind a couch as he nervously shuffled. His eyes stayed on the prince, however.

“Creative block, Thomas can’t think of anything.” He gestured vaguely around, as if he was trying to conjure something. It obviously didn’t do anything. “Besides, it’s night time. Most of my reign is being used up. It is so frustrating that I can’t do anything during Remus’s hours!” He stomped in mock anger, as he kept his eyes trained on Virgil. He slowly began to walk around the couch.

“Still, you should be trying to relax. Who knows, Ro, you might get some really needed beauty sleep!” Virgil smirked slightly, his smirk barely not reaching his eyes.

“Excuse me! I happen to be in fact the most fairest of all, you damned emo nightmare-!” He bowed slightly, as if that would prove a point. It didn’t prove anything. Although, all Virgil could notice was just how close he was getting to the anxious side, and closer to noticing his change in outfit.

As if the thought alone cursed him, Roman looked at his with a strange questioning in his eyes. “Still didn’t question my answer, stormcloud. Actually, another question, why in the world are you wearing that-?” He made a large motion, pointing at the dark plaid that Virgil had been hiding in.

“Didn’t want to waste my normal hoodie for night stuff-!” Virgil blurted out.

“You don’t even need to sleep! Try again.”

“Uhh- felt like wearing something familiar!”

“... You’ve worn your purple hoodie for a year now.”

“... Felt like it?”

“Everyone here knows just how much you hate it, edgelord.”

Virgil squirmed under Roman’s words, shrinking further into his old hoodie. As the Prince walked closer, his heart rate went up. He hated trying to lie for this, lying in general sucked. And having Roman basically tower over him, made him want to just force himself to blurt out the truth. And eventually, he succumbed to it, however, when he did-

“Agh okay, I had to because-!” Suddenly, his hands covered his mouth, slamming into them. One look from Roman was all he needed. Roman began to back up in shock, his fond expression long gone and forgotten. His expression melted from a deep sort of shock, to frustration. “D-Deceit?...Y-You wanted to go back? Back to them?!”

“Roman-! Wait I can- Deceit wanted me to-” Virgil tried to move forward, lifting his hands off of his mouth, before his steps halted as his legs grew heavy. His heart pounded at his chest, raising even higher as Roman opened his mouth, his form towering over Virgil.

“I t-trusted you! I TRUSTED YOU!” Roman’s lip quivered as he looked to the ground, before looking back up, his eyes shined with tears. “I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO BE GOOD! H-How… Why?!”

“R-Roman, it’s not, no, wait-!” His pleas fell on deaf ears as the creative side stormed towards him, his arms shaking a little. “It wasn’t anything bad, I just needed to talk with Deceit about-” Suddenly, his hands covered his mouth again. This caused Roman to visibly grow more upset, his teething sinking deeper into his own lips.

“You’re still lying?! I thought you actually cared, but you really just wanted to go back, didn’t you?” Roman’s eyes glistened with tears and anger. A few tears flew down his cheeks as his shouts thundered through the anxious side. “I thought you cared about us! I thought you were happy-!”

Virgil backed up, pointedly looking away, his eyes wide and afraid. Suddenly, he was forced forward, a hardened grip pulling him slightly upwards, forcing his eyes to find Roman’s. The moment he did, tears slid down his own face, ruining his make-up. As Roman lifted him slightly, it caused Virgil’s headphones, phone, and card to fall out, flying onto the floor.

“I thought you cared about me-!” Roman practically cried it into his face, as tears were now falling in waterfalls down his cheeks. His hand that held Virgil was shaking, trembling even.

“N-No-! Roman, I care about you- I care about you so much, I-” His hand reached up, shaking as it reached for Roman’s face, almost touching it-

“Don’t lie to me.” Roman’s voice grew deeper, as he backed away harshly from the contact, shaking Virgil. In the motion, Virgil saw in dismay that his bag had also thumped onto the floor, and the sweater had slipped out, joining the other sentimental items. The shake had also just managed the slightly-loose ring to fall off of his finger, hitting Roman’s foot. “J-Just tell me you want to leave us! O-Or me! That you want them, because hell-”

“R-Roman, no-”

Suddenly, Roman looked at the items and Virgil’s expression, and his anger hesitated, crumbling. Deep down, Roman didn’t ever want to hurt Virgil. He knew that. Shakily, he let go of his hoodie in favor of wiping his tears. His anger stood nothing in front of the love he held for that side. “I-I…”

Virgil, as he let his tears fall down, looked at Roman’s broken eyes, and couldn’t take it anymore. His lip trembled, and his insides threatened to sob away his pains. Shaky hands wiped desperately at his eyes. Before Roman could understand what happened, he dashed away, leaving behind all of the beloved items.

“Virgil-!”

But by the time he yelled, Virgil had already ran to the edge of the room and tumbled downward as he sank out, holding his hoodie close to himself.

Roman held himself, as if it’d hold himself together. He fell to his knees, looking at all that Virgil had brought along with him. He looked at his hands, the ones he knew he used that held Virgil a few moments ago. That held Virgil when he was breaking down weeks ago. That held Virgil when he was cuddling him. That held Virgil when he confessed to him. That held Virgil when he was just accepted, when he began to sob.

As he sat there, his eyes trailed down to where his legs used to be standing, spotting a small silver ring. It was a beautiful ring, actually.

The moment he saw the hearts and words that were engraved into it, Roman broke into sobs. Hiccups ran through his body, has he curled in on himself. All of the laughter and bravado the side had before was gone, leaving a shell behind. Sobs wracked his body as he held the ring, tightly. His body shuddered as his heart bled out through him.

Several hours later, Patton and Logan had found him asleep in that same position in the commons. And for once, they didn’t know what to do either.

[melaninja-mo]

The Thoughts I Cannot Say - A series of fictional adult NSFW stories.

Chapter 1 - That Girl

I expected every head to turn when I walked by. Not because I was that gorgeous, although I was, but because I was charming. I fuckin knew it. I don’t sound modest, but truly I’m kind. I enjoy people. All people. I think there’s something interesting and wonderful about us all and that’s what makes me so charming. It’s one of my best qualities. I’m also a celebrity photographer, celebrity personal massager, and I tend to be unlicensed therapist for a few of them too in my spare time. I guess you could say, I know the right things to say to people. It gets me what I want.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I sat, swinging my legs in the barstool I was at. I was throwing a “movie” party for lack of a better term. One of those parties where people are doing drugs, dancing, the music is blaring, there’s tons of people inside and outside, and cars line the street for blocks, and anything that wants to happen -does. As I mentioned earlier, I enjoy the company of people, and especially party people. I consider myself socially conservative, but I’m able to get out of my comfort zone with people who know how to party.

One of my favorite parts about parties was dancing, for two reasons. One, I loved dancing with men. I dressed sexier when I planned to party with a man. It worked every time. I dressed sexier, because when I begin twerking or grinding my body against theirs, I can feel their chest widen and breath slow down. They stand closer and begin rubbing you slowly. The second reason was dancing with women. I dressed & moved more androgynously or masculine when I planned to dance with a woman. I wanted it to be very clear my sexual orientation, just to keep things as clear as possible. Now, I loved dancing with women because everything about the process was an aphrodisiac. It starts with a flirty stare and subtle grin from a reasonable distance. If she wants to dance, she’ll begin walking toward me, to which I then begin to walk to her. She thens sees me about to speak and cuts me off by dancing. She pulls me closer to her and rubs her body against mine. She smiles occasionally then goes back to a doe-eyed, pursed lip smirk. It gets me every fuckin time.

At tonight’s party though, I hadn’t danced with anyone. For the first time actually, I’d been a bit tipsier than usual. I was just sort of smiling and yes, dangling my legs at the barstool. I grinned at my friend Olly, who was the bartender, he handed me another drink. I winked and proceeded to drink it. I then flashed my phone light twice towards the DJ, and signed to him “Start up the R&B”. And I do mean signed, we have found it easier to use sign language than screaming over the music. That’s another story though.

“Freak me” by Silk began to play and the crowd harmoniously said “Ahhhh shit” and began two-stepping with their drinks to the dance floor. I turned back to the bar and kept drinking. As I’m sipping this drink, I can feel myself getting more and more relaxed. The music started sound better and better, and I began to get that feeling; the one that makes me go dance. I sat there though, smiling while I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. The room felt perfect. Just as I began to sway, I felt lips against my ear and teeth on my earlobe. About to melt into the chair, I opened one eye and look up to see a gorgeous, caramel skin girl with curly hair. At the sight of her, I got butterflies, and she fuckin knew it. She blinked slowly and sensually as she lifted a blunt. She knew me too fuckin well. I patted my thigh and she stood in between my legs. I moved her hair around from around her neck and kissed it while she lit the blunt. I sat back and could see her breathing slowly, it turned me on. I kept watching her as she raised the blunt to her lips and began inhaling. She liked doing this to me, because she knew I was reserved. By reserved, I mean I had rules.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

When flirting or pursuing a love interest, I do not smile wide, show teeth unless biting a lip, raise both eyebrows - only one can emote at a time. I don’t speak much unless I have to, I prefer silence. I also, do not make any official first moves. If someone does not pursue me, then the situation stays as is. Permanently.

When I met her, however, she made me break a few of my rules. The one about using both eyebrows, smiling wide, and pursuing others. I first saw her at another one of my parties. This was probably 6 months ago. It was probably around 10:30 to 11p.m, so upbeat music was still playing. She was dancing pretty hard with her friends and laughing. Her laugh was the first thing that caught my eye. Second, she danced well. I liked that, made me want to dance with her specifically that night. Third, I had never seen her at any of my parties before. I could only she her face and upper body and glimpses of her legs, because she was covered by the people around her. I was sipping a drink and smoking with my own friend, Wes. He pointed towards some folks he knew, we nodded and he walked away. I stayed in place, casually smoking, and watching this mystery fuckin beauty dance in my house. I turned to a couple girls who walked past me and smiled, I tipped my blunt. In that moment, she must’ve walked walked away because I didn’t see her or 2 of her friends. Just as I began walking toward the bar to give Olly the rest of the blunt, she tapped my shoulder and gestured for me to follow her. Raising both of my eyebrows I pointed towards my chest and she sauntered away playfully. I followed her down the hall.

My basement, where my parties were, was large and long. There was 17 ft bar on one side and a large open floor area with mirror walls everywhere else. There were couches and colorful lights. It sort of looked like an upscale strip club now that I think about it. Either way, there was a glass door that led to outside on the opposite wall; a hallway specifically with bathrooms and lounge rooms, and then the part where we were at- the other hallway. My other hallway had all locked doors. They consisted of my different studios and then my art room. As I got closer to her she grabbed my hand and put it on the keypad. She covered her eyes and smiled. I typed it in and we went in. I had my art room specially made. The ceiling is made to always look like a galaxy, and the walls are all screens too. There are paintings, magazines, glass cases with stuff in them. The room was also sound proof, so Olly or I could escape during the party or any of my closest homies for that matter. It’s like being in a dream world, and that’s why I have it.

When I looked at her, she was grinning and looking in every direction. I couldn’t help but smile too. She made me feel like it was my first time being in the room. She pointed towards the speaker and I nodded. She grabbed the aux and began playing “Can U Handle It” by Usher. Then sat on the carpet by the coffee table and began rolling a blunt.

“Holy fuck, am I tripping right now?” I thought to myself, keeping my composure. I intimidated most people. Most people can’t take the ominous silence I put them through, but she was doing it to me. I rolled my shoulders back and went to sit behind her. She smelled heavenly. A mixture of complimenting perfume and good weed. She sat back a little and brushed her side against my leg. I just watched. I didn’t even know what to do, because this night was going amazingly. I wasn’t even in charge and everything was fuckin going perfectly.

After she was done rolling up, I leaned forward and grabbed the ash tray from out of the table’s drawer. She stood up, turned around, and straddled my lap. I leaned back and put one arm over the back of the couch, and caressed her thigh with the other hand. We then began smoking. She would look at me then chuckle and look down followed by a hair rustle. I did my best to only smirk and not smile, but she was getting to me. We ended up smoking a few blunts to only the sound of music, while she sat on my lap. Occasionally we’d laugh, but no words were spoken.

At the end of the night, she gathered her things and walked towards the door. She called her friends who said they were just outside chatting & smoking with others and said she was coming to join them. When she hung up I stood up and smoothed my clothing. Before walking out she tilted her head at me, and slowly wrapped her fingers around my throat. She learned forward and bit my bottom lip then turned to walk out. All I could fuckin do is place my hand calmly on my forehead and stand there. This has never happened before. Not only do most men or women throw theirselves at me sexually, they throw theirselves at me. They’ll talk about theirselves, ask me questions, ask to bring their friends, ask to see my things, and more. It lessens the chase for me. I said earlier I do not pursue, and I meant that. This girl though, she was a fuckin dream. She was what I didn’t even know I wanted. I was so stuck on her that I waited for her every party. She didn’t come back for a while though. I saw her friends occasionally but never her. I thought I must’ve dreamt the whole thing, because of how fuckin perfect and sexually tense it was. Well, I felt sexually tense and when I met her the second time, I knew she did that to me on purpose.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Coming back to the present now, she was still standing in between my legs. I massaged her lower back and brought her closer to me when she drifted. When we were done smoking her blunt, I had Olly make us a drink with two straws. I got up, holding her hand, and walked with her to my VIP corner couch. It consists of a couch on a platform, surrounded by a double sided mirror. I sat down and started to roll a blunt myself, while she began to dance slowly. The first few beats of “Would U Mind” by Janet came on and I was flushed with butterflies. The idea of this gorgeous fuckin girl dancing for me while we smoke & relax was too much. I kept my cool though. She rolled her body until she went into a squat in front of me. Taking the hint, I leaned forward and grabbed her chin. She got dropped from her feet to her knees slowly in front me. I couldn’t help but whisper, “Good girl” as she stared me in the eyes. She bit her lip and I kissed her. I proceeded to choke her while she kneeled in front of me. I was sitting on the edge of the couch positioned over her. Dominance & submission. I knew she fuckin knew what she was doing. When I let go of my grip, she took my hand and pressed in between her legs. I leaned back continuing to roll and mouthed, “Good.” She took a deep, slow breath while arching her back. We sat in the V.I.P until the party was over, occasionally sipping and smoking. I kept thinking to myself, “I hope she doesn’t leave me high & dry again, not again, please not again.” I got my wish. We fucked that evening after the party. She was the one.

[rverdxle]

When Worlds Collide

Request: For the writing requests can you do a first kiss with Toni and Cheryl?

A/N: SO SO SORRY. This took FOREVER to finish. But it’s done and it’s here! Well, at least the first part. It was originally 3500+ words so I decided to break it up into two. Hope you guys like it!

Synopsis: Cheryl Blossom. Bold colours, six-inch heels, and cheer captain of the River Vixens. To Riverdale, she’s everything. She’s the beauty queen, the rich girl, the fucking badass bitch who gets whatever she wants. Toni Topaz couldn’t be more opposite of her. Dark colours, leather jackets, another Southside Serpent. To Riverdale, she is nothing but a piece of gum on a shoe. No one, and I mean no one, could ever see these two worlds collide. Little do they know - little do Cheryl and Toni know - that they’re about to.

(Toni’s POV)

All it took was four words, four words to be screamed out for this place to become as loud as a high school football game. “Party at my house!” People automatically jumped up and pumped their fists in the air, cheering their heart out. The sounds were deafening, but that didn’t stop me from cheering along. Jughead had won the race. Well, him and his Northsider, but that didn’t matter. I was just happy we wouldn’t have to join the Ghoulies.

Catching a glimpse of the familiar beat-up crown beanie, I began pushing through the crowd of bodies, trying to reach him. The air was getting increasingly warm, too warm for my liking. Even worse, everyone around me seemed so preoccupied with our win that they kept pushing me around. I sighed angrily. This was much harder than I thought. I was at least a foot shorter than everyone else, probably the shortest in this whole place, and that didn’t make getting through crowds any easier. I huffed and craned my neck to search for Jughead again.

“You should consider wearing heels,” a silky voice said from behind me. I froze in place, suddenly very irritated at whoever said that. I clenched my fists, my hands stinging as my nails dug into my palms. I whirled around, a scowl on my face. That bitch would regret saying that to me.

A sarcastic remark was burning up in my throat, begging to be released. But when I turned - when I saw her - it quickly died. There she was, the girl in the bright red booty shorts with the same red colour lipstick. Damn, she’s hot. She leaned against a car, concentrating on her nails, not really paying attention to me. Her soft flaming hair flowed down, her skin tight crop top showing way too much (not that I mind), her leather jacket just draped over her shoulders. I shuddered. She was really, really hot.

I must have been standing and staring at her much longer than I thought because she looked at me and frowned. “I know I’m hot and all, but are you just gonna keep staring at me?” she questioned, raising her eyebrows.

Mentally shaking my head, I pursed my lips and crossed my arms, trying to make it seem as if I wasn’t just dumbstruck by her beauty only a minute ago. She rolled her eyes and went back to her checking her nails. “I just thought it would make you look taller.”

The irritation about my height being called out returned again and I scoffed, dropping my hands to my sides. “You know, not all girls like wearing high heels.” I sneered.

Her eyes made its way back to me and this time, she actually looked at me and saw me. She dragged her eyes up and down my body. It was like she was undressing me right then and there. A chill ran through me, goosebumps prickling my skin. I shivered slightly, hoping that she didn’t see it. A small satisfied smirk appeared on her face, and she stood up straight. Damn. She definitely noticed it. She took a step towards me, and that’s all it took for her face to be inches from mine.

She looked around quickly before she turned back to me with a cool, smug look on her face. Okay? I frowned, looking around as well. What was she looking for? My eyes surveyed the crowd. Ghoulies were staring down some Serpents, the Serpents were cheering, and the Northsiders were smiling and laughing among each other. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then what was she looking at?

Suddenly, her cold hand lightly brushed mine, bringing my attention right back to her. She licked her lips and just like that, my mouth went dry. Was it possible for anyone to look so hot doing the simplest things? Slowly as she could, she slipped her hand into mine, my burning skin meeting her freezing hands. It was like that minimum contact had controlled every muscle in my body, freezing me and locking me in place. Every thought I had, had disappeared in an instant. The only thing left in my head was wondering what her lips would feel against mine. What a kiss would be like with her? Would it be soft and gentle? Would it be hot and heavy?

As slowly as she could, she leaned down into my ear. My breath hitched as her lips brushed against my skin. “Really, I just thought you would look ten times hotter if you did,” she whispered.I could feel her breath on my neck, the warm air tickling me. I could even smell her ever so sweet perfume, of roses and of candy. I bit my lip, chewing on it. Damn, she’s good.

“Oh, really?” I asked her, trying to play with her as well.

“You should definitely,” she dragged the last word, and that immediately made my heart jump in my throat, “wear high heels.”

A small smirk grew on my face and I squeezed her hand, pulling her closer to me. “Come to the party and maybe I will,” I whispered into her ear. “And maybe, you’ll get to see a little more.”

She grinned and pressed a small kiss on the back of my ear. “See you at the party then.” Her sweet voice called out.  And with that, she was gone. The unfamiliar coolness had slipped away from me, my hand feeling emptier than before. This girl was something else.

“Oh, I’ll definitely see you at the party,” I mumbled to myself.

Getting ready for the party was hell. Usually, I would wear whatever looked good and I was comfortable in, but this time, I had a reason to dress well. And maybe that reason was that red-headed girl. I shivered at the thought of her, the feeling tingling down my spine. A small smile edged on the corner of my lips as I thought about a little less than holy thoughts. Me pushing her down onto the bed, my hand wandering every inch of her cool skin, our lips trapped with each other. Hey, it was a party, and a party is a great time for hooking up with anyone.

The small smile I had quickly disappeared as I threw an orange crop top behind me. Why can’t I wear just anything? I groaned. I turned my back to the closet and eyed the scattered clothes on my floor. It was a mix of fabrics and colours. And somehow even though my whole closet was practically on the floor now, none of these worked.

I tugged on my hair, frustrated with this simple task. A quiet buzz cut the silence of my trailer, momentarily taking my mind off my clothes. Crawling on all fours, I began feeling under the piles of clothes for my phone, even throwing them again over my shoulder. Where is it?

I sighed when I finally found it, the screen bright with a text.

Fangs: Toni where r u? Let’s go!

Toni: Give me a sec

Who gives a fuck now? I reached out and grabbed the nearest top. It was a simple tight black shirt with a plunging v-neck. Good enough. Quickly checking my bra underneath, I grinned seeing the lace. She would be in for a surprise. I threw my leather jacket on top and left the trailer.

“Geez, could you have taken any longer?” Fangs asked as he hopped into the driver’s seat of his truck.

I rolled my eyes and got in. “Just shut up and drive.”

The ride there was weird. Not the ride with Fangs, he was my best friend, it would never be weird with him. What was weird was driving down Northside streets. The houses were clean, somehow even sparkling. It was as if this place had come from a book. Lawns were cut to perfection, neighbours constantly greeting each other, dog walkers and joggers waving to each other as they passed by each other. This would never go down in the Southside. You just keep to yourself and try not to draw any attention to yourself. I shivered at how different our worlds were.

Finally, Fangs pulled up in the Northsiders driveway. The house was huge. Even from out here, you could hear the blasting music.

“Okay,” Fangs said as he pulled the key out of the ignition. “I may or may not go home with a girl tonight, so if you come to my trailer tomorrow morning… well you may be in for a nude surprise.”

I laughed, “Noted.”

I got out of the car and walked through the cold night and into the stifling warm house. My eyes quickly went around looking for her, but no matter where I looked, I couldn’t find her. Fangs patted my back and left to head over to a group of girls. I sighed. This was going to be a long night.

The whole night was like a blur. There was dancing, shots, laughing, more shots, grinding, and even more shots. But one thing that wasn’t there. Or rather, one person wasn’t there. The girl with the red hair, Cheryl Blossom. Trust me, when I realized that that girl was Cheryl fucking Blossom, I took two shots right then and there. Still, even knowing who she was didn’t stop me from wanting to see her again.

Even though I talked to her only once, she had entranced me. Just by watching her, you could already see she was bold, flirty, determined. A little bitch, as I hear, but it all worked for her. She was hot too, which was a huge bonus.

I scanned the crowd the tenth time that night, looking for her familiar fiery hair. And like every time before, I couldn’t find her. I sighed, swirling the contents of my drink. Too bad for her, she’s missing out on being with a drunk as fuck girl wearing a leather Serpent jacket and high heels.

Fangs and a bunch of other Serpents were scattered everywhere, doing God knows what, while I stood in the messy kitchen by myself. I eyed the spilt drinks, watching as the beer slowly dripped down from the table and onto the floor. This night couldn’t get any better. I thought, mentally rolling my eyes. Sure I could go hang out with my friends, but drunk me wanted one person.

“Wow, aren’t you the life of the party?” A familiar voice sarcastically said.

The corners of my lips began to twitch, trying to hide the smile that was threatening to appear on my face. I tilted my head back, drinking the final contents of my drink. “You’re late,” I slurred

“And you’re drunk.” She stated, as a matter of fact. She shifted her weight to one leg and placed a hand on her hip. My eyes went down her body, following every curve, every fold of her clothes. She was wearing a black skirt, with a tight red long sleeve. It hugged her figure so well, I couldn’t help but stare.

“You look hot,” I blurted out.

The corner of her lip lifted, a small smirk on her face. “I know.” She took a step forward, the sound of her heel echoing the kitchen despite the loud, booming music. “But so do you.” Her eyes trailed down my body, her eyebrows lifting up at the sight of me. “You actually wore heels,” she sounded genuinely surprised.

I laughed “I did.” I said taking a step towards her. “And I wore something more than that too.” I winked. None of us moved after that. The space between us was so small, yet so wide. It irritated me.

A small grin worked its way onto my face. I took another step forward, the space getting dangerously close. “I’m getting a drink,” I whispered and took a step around her rather than towards her, slowly making my way to the refill table.

Cheryl held a confused expression on her face before she stepped in between the table and I. “Nuh uh.” She said as she gripped my arm. It tightened, as she swung her arm around my waist. “You’re done for. Come on.”

Every part of her that touched me seemed to burn with electricity. Her left side pressed against my right. Her arm on the small of my back. My arm wrapped around her shoulders. It felt so electrifying, so real. And it was sobering me up. There was a reason why I wanted to see her here, and it wasn’t so she could be my ride home.

As much as I didn’t want to, I wriggled out of her grasp. “What are you doing?” She turned back to me and laughed at my odd escape.

I said nothing as I grabbed her forearm and pulled her closer to me. “I just really want to kiss you.”

Without letting her say anything, I slowly leaned in, feeling her heavy breaths blow into my face. My lips were literally centimetres away from hers before someone else stumbled into the kitchen. A sharp gasp escaped Cheryl’s lips and she whipped herself away from me, her warmth completely disappearing.

She stood on the other side of the small kitchen, staring down the drunk partygoers. They were laughing, holding each other up, stumbling left and right to try and get to their drinks refilled. Cheryl just watched them, her eyes not meeting mine at all. I, on the other hand, stared confusedly at her. Why’d she pull away?

I eyed the drunk teens and watched them as they tried to fill their cups, only for them to stumble again and their drinks spilling onto the floor. An irritated expression took its place on Cheryl’s face. When they turned around to fill their cups again, Cheryl shoved a cup of water into their hands.

“Get out.” She hissed, pointing outside the kitchen. Like a brick hitting their face, they straightened up and sped out of the room, not without falling a couple of times. When she turned back to me, I just couldn’t help myself. It was like seeing her angry just gave me that little push. I didn’t hesitate. I pushed myself towards her, finally connecting our lips.

“Fucking finally,” I breathed. She tasted like candy. Fucking sweet, sweet candy. She didn’t do anything to stop me. In fact, she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer. Everything around us seemed to disappear. We weren’t in the kitchen of a Northsider. It was just her and I.

My heart was pounding against my ribs as if it was trying to matching the loud beating of the music. Cheryl swiped her tongue along my bottom lip like she was asking for entrance. Tightly grasping her waist, I parted my lips. Tongues and teeth clashed, the taste of alcohol and candy mixing. If I was already drunk, I just became high on this feeling.

Cheryl let out a small moan. Then suddenly, as if it finally hit her on what we were doing, she pushed me off. The drunk self that I was in that moment stumbled back until I hit a wall. Cheryl remained in the same place, wildly looking around, fluffing her hair and fixing her clothes.

My eyes wandered around as well, seeing people drunk out of their minds or busy having their own make-out sessions. Once glance back at Cheryl, I realized what she was doing. I laughed.

“What’s the matter, love? Are you afraid you’ll get caught?” I pushed myself off the wall, and walked - well, stumbled - towards her. I reached out and pulled her body closer to me. “Are you afraid of what your Northsider friends will think?” I teased. I felt her chest rise quickly, as I pressed her closer, her breasts flush against my own.

With one last look around the room, she finally swung her arms around my neck and bit her lip. “Oh no, honey. You just wouldn’t be able to handle me.” Her voice was melodic, so sensual.

“Try me.”

She bit her lip and froze in place, hesitating. She was really thinking about what she was going to do. Cheryl shook her head, and I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “As much as I want to, you’re drunk as fuck and I’m not doing that.”

She pressed her red, plump lips against mine for a quick kiss. A dizzy spell washed over me briefly, the feeling disappearing when she pulled away. “But when you sober up tomorrow, we’ll definitely see what happens.”

I grinned. “I’m holding you to that.” She just laughed and took my hand, dragging me out of the house.

The warm heat disappeared as we passed the door, the coolness of the night nipping at my skin. I let her pull me to her car, not caring where she was going to take me. The only thing I focused on was her pale hand in mine and how well it fit together. I shivered. At the cold, or at the thought, I didn’t know.

I would have never thought this thing between us would ever happen, and it did; it was happening. I couldn’t help but think, how I, Toni Topaz, a Southside Serpent was getting caught up with Cheryl Blossom, the Northside princess. I should care. We don’t belong with each other. Ooh, how this was going to end in a mess. Ooh, look as we’ll burn down in flames. Ooh, look at how our worlds collide.  But with her hand in mine, her dragging me to her car, I didn’t care. Let it end messy. Let us burn down in flames. Let our worlds collide.

[equalitae]

L i k e   I    W o u l d (II)

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Angst, lots of swearing (lol)

Song to suggest: HURT - EXO

Synopsis: I was doomed from the very moment I met him. 

It was a mistake that I didn’t regret, but that I profoundly wanted to undo in the deepest part of my heart.  I tried my best to untangle myself out of that mess, but he was right. 

No one knew me like he did. No one would love me like him.

Word count:  5K

Part 1 -  Part 2 - Part 3

A/N: Hi! It has been a while! Here’s the second part of LIW, I hope you enjoy a lot and if you do feel free to give it some love!! 

Requests are open! Just remember to read the r u l e s before requesting!

See you soon! Sofi, x.

“You’re an idiot, Baekhyun.”

The red haired started at me, grinning. His eyebrows were furrowed as he chuckled under his breath.

It was cold outside, but just a thin white sheet covered our bare bodies, tangling in the bottom. The place felt warm even so, full of lost breaths and words interchanged. It was late at night, but we were talking, not minding it, involved in our floating thoughts and conversations, feeling comfortable with each other.

“It was an accident, sweetheart.” Baekhyun chuckled once again. I softly slapped his forehead with my palm. The silky strands of his hair brushed my fingertips, sending electricity through my arm.

“How come you left Jongin, alone, in a gas station and noticed two days later?” I exclaimed, amused. He started to laugh even harder, filling the place with his irregular sounds and the sole image of him this relaxed made me smile too. His face was softer than usual, less stressed. The usual frown he had in his face was gone as his nude chest bumped quickly with his laugh and little locks of his hair danced in his forehead. I found myself wordless, staring at him with wide eyes, like a masterpiece that deserved to be in a museum. Baekhyun was way too beautiful for his own good, and I felt mesmerized like never before.  

I didn’t notice it had been staring for a while until his eyes crashed with mine and his dark brows arched. His smile washed away, when he pouted and his hands placed on his cheeks.

“What’s up?” I shook my head, hiding my burning cheeks with the sheets. I still felt ashamed around him, like a little kid around strangers. Although, we had been together for a couple of months now, most of our time spent in the bakery or in the bedroom, I still had the feeling there in my chest. The way in which his taller body was always some mere inches away from mine, the scent of his cologne mixed with the odor of paint and graphite, filling the air and dizzying me.

When it started, the rumors spread around the campus. They were mostly about how I had “won” the golden boy, untouched and desired by many. I received dirty looks and some amused ones wherever I went to. The girls whispered behind my back, cursing me in their thoughts; and the boys looked at me like a piece of meat. It was uncomfortable at first, especially since we were nothing in concrete, we just spent a lot of time together.

“I just like to watch you talk.” I said as quickly as I could. A little smile formed in his face, and he stared me with curiosity, inviting me to talk. “You just look so relaxed. The pouty lips are gone and the frown too. You’re just… Baekhyun.” His long fingers were interlocking with mine, flexing and unflexing over my, obviously, littler ones. The small gesture almost went unnoticed, but I still felt little tingles in my fingertips when he did it. Baekhyun opened his mouth to respond, but as soon as he did, I yawned. I felt my eyes heavy, suddenly feeling exhausted.

One of his arms snaked around my waist, and he pulled me closer to his body. My head rested comfortably on his chest and his body protectively hold me close as he threw one of his legs over mine. He sighed loudly when I softly kissed his chest, closing my eyes. The sweet scent of him invading my nose and he snuzzled his nose in my hair.

“Whenever I’m with you, I feel like I’m back to myself, Y/N”. He whispered quietly and I sighed a little, not answering as I started to fall into the darkness of my sleep.  

I woke up alone.

The sheets beside me were still warm, meaning he had just left my side. The remaining smell of him covering the sheet with his presence. I snuzzled in them a little more, before standing up and putting my underwear on. An oversized shirt of Baekhyun covered me, barely reaching the middle part of my thighs.

When I heard a quiet mumbling in my living room, I tiptoed my way there, sneaking my head to listen properly. Baekhyun was standing in the middle of it, walking around like a caged animal with a phone over his ear. He seemed furious, barking in its direction occasionally, just to frown when he was done. He was still shirtless but the stained pair of joggers he kept in my room hung low from his hips, distracting me.

“Stop it, Min. Just fucking stop.” He was grunting at the phone, his grip so hard that I was able to see how his knuckles turned white out of so much pressure. I could hear a voice screaming from the other side, but I couldn’t understand what it was saying. All I knew is that Baekhyun was mad as hell, his face in a frown and his hair all messy like it had been ran over a thousand times.

“I don’t give a fuck, it’s none of your business.” He started to walk in my direction, distracted by the voice over the phone. “What I do or don’t do in my free time has nothing to do with you. Stop trying to get into my personal life like that, you are not who to tell what I should or not do.” I jumped out of my place, quietly running my way back to the bedroom and closing the door as quickly as I could without making a sound. I sat casually on the bed, unbuttoning the shirt as I waited for him to enter in the room. The doorknob started to turn painfully slowly and a still frowning figure entered to the room.

He was staring at the lighted display on his hand, tapping on it with one hand as he ran his fingers through his hair once again. When he looked up, the frowned expression of his face disappeared to be replaced by a small grin and glowing cheekbones. I could still see his tensed muscles and jaw, the way his hands hold on the phone with whitened knuckles, and how his hair was a mess out of running his hands over it thousands of times. I stared at him with a calmed expression, both of my hands laying still over my lap.

“What are you doing up?” He cocked an eyebrow, setting his phone over the small desk in my room. The sweatpants hung dangerously low on his hips, and every time he walked, they swung a little bit further. I found myself staring at the little scar over his belly button, distracted by it for a second, until I shook my head. I smiled distractedly at him, lifting my feet on the bed.

“I was cold, so I thought on getting some clothes on”, I simply responded.

“And you decided to use my shirt?” The playful tone didn’t go unnoticed as he reached the border of the bed and crawled under the sheets pulling me along with him. His warm hands caressed all the way to my waist, staying there longer. His soft strands of hair were all scattered on the pillow and his morning glow was at its top. I shrugged my shoulders.

“It was the closest thing I had at reach”

He simply chuckled.

“Yeah, right.” His body caged mine in the mattress, both of his hands in each side of me, as he looked at me in the eye. His soft breath crashed with my lips and his hard chest was millimeters away of mine. I had the urge to close the space between us, but something held me back. A question, forming in the back of my mind, was stuck to the tip of my tongue. I had the necessity to ask him what he was doing a couple of minutes ago, to whom he was talking to. He looked so upset back there, in a way I had never seen him before. All the traces of his usual self were long gone, covered by his angry state.

But once his soft lips crashed with mine, the dizzy sensation caused me to tell my worries to go away, vanishing into thin air as the thoughts of him engulfed me up.

It was Monday, and I was already enjoying a cup of coffee in the shop before officially starting my shift. The store was empty, mostly because it was really early in the morning, and I was enjoying my time alone along with the soft music of the speakers. Kyungsoo was leaning over the countertop, reading part of his history homework, as a steaming cup of coffee was beside him. Sometimes I actually forgot how young he was, even when we had known each other for years. His concentrated expression was different than the serious he used when we were working and he was taking care of the coffee shop.

He was some sort of my closest friend, and I knew I was his. Even so, he didn’t know about Baekhyun and I. We had agreed that even when Baekhyun was his long-time friend, he wouldn’t understand the relationship we both had. We, or at least I, were afraid that his reaction wouldn’t be the most appropriate one, and I didn’t want to lose him for it. It was a secret and, enjoying the fact that Kyungsoo didn’t attend to our university, we tried to interact the least possible in his presence.

The doorbell rang, announcing the entrance of someone else inside the store. A pair of high-heel boots started to click on the white tiles of the floor, so I lifted my gaze. The air left my lungs as I began to stare at a pair of long and fit legs until I reached a body-fit white dress. The girl in front of me was beyond beautiful, with long and black hair that hung by her waist and skin as chiseled as porcelain. She was holding a phone on his ear, listening attentively to the voice talking.

She muttered a few words to it, before buffing and ending the call with a snap of fingers. Kyungsoo lifted his eyes as well, and when he looked at her, an amused look appeared on his face as he left his notes on the counter. His whole body stretched and he reached around it, staring at her even more intensively.  

“Min?” He said, both of his eyebrows arching on his forehead. Min? That name sounded familiar, but I didn’t quite remember where I had heard it before. I tried to concentrate, looking for an answer, even when my head didn’t help too much. The girl stopped tapping on her phone, lifting her head with curiosity before spotting Kyungsoo in front of her. The corners of her lips went upwards, as she saluted the dark haired with ease.

“Kyungsoo! It’s so nice to see you!” Her voice echoed around the shop, making me cringe. Her high-pitched voice tone was annoying, causing a contrast with her elegant figure. She approached to my friend’s body and gave him a hug that made Kyungsoo uncomfortable. He barely touched her, frowning even deeper, before gently pulling her away from him, giving a few steps back with his hands in his pockets. She didn’t seem to notice his action, as she continuously smiled at him.

“What brings you here, Min?” He asked, looking curious. She rolled her eyes.

“Oh, you know him. He thinks way too differently from me, and we some sort of had a fight. I thought that I would be able to find him here, since now he spends so much a time around you, but he isn’t here as I can see.”

Kyungsoo hold one hand in the air, shaking his head.

“Here? Min, I haven’t seen him around here in months.” She furrowed her eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“The last time he visited me in this place was a few months back, after the apparent accident he had in his dorms.” I stopped sipping my coffee cup, suddenly feeling more interested in their conversation than in pretending I wasn’t listening at all. She seemed lost, looking at Kyungsoo with wide eyes as the black haired looked at her with a painful expression in his face.

“Every time I ask him where he is, he tells me he is here. Are you sure you haven’t seen him?” Kyungsoo shook his head, crossing his hands over his chest.

“Not that I remember of.”

She gulped loudly, her face turning in a slight shade of red. She looked everywhere but in Kyungsoo’s direction, surely ashamed of whatever it was happening. One of her manicured hands ran through her black silky hair, mumbling some words softly under her breath. Her nose scrunched up, suddenly snapping her head in the boy’s direction.

“You know where he has been, don’t you?” Her tongue clicked at the end of the sentence, glaring hardly at Soo’s. He kept his face still, but I saw one of his jaw’s muscles twitch, showing how anxious he was getting.

“I don-” he began, but he was rapidly interrupted.

“Don’t you fucking dare to cover up for him, Do Kyungsoo.” She almost launched in his direction, her heels loudly clicking the floor tiles, looking at him with narrowed eyes. I walked a little bit to where the were, feeling the anger rushing in my veins. Who was she to talk to him like that?

“You fucking know something, I’m quite sure you do. How couldn’t you? He practically tells you every time he goes to the restroom. Stop lying in my face, and tell me: Where the hell is he.” She roared, clearly mad. I could almost see the vein pulsing in her forehead, as she gritted her teeth with force.

“I don’t know, Min. If I knew, I would gladly tell you where your adored boyfriend is, but I can’t help you.” He snapped back with a harsh tone.

“Is he with someone else?” Her voice raised an octave, while she opened and closed her hands in fast moves. “I bet he is. That’s why you don’t want to tell me. That’s why you and all his idiotic friends are trying to lie in my mere face saying you don’t fucking know where he has been when you clearly do.”

Kyungsoo opened his mouth, but she raised a hand to stop him.

“Don’t.” She took her bag, turning around on her heels. She reached the door, before looking over her shoulder to say something that left me cold on my feet.

“The next time you see Baekhyun, tell him I was looking for him.”

I avoided him for a week.

I didn’t respond his messages, calls or attempts to talk to me. When I visualized him at college, I sneaked my way away from him, melting with the people. When he tried to look for me at the coffee shop, I ran all the way to the stowage, hiding there until I knew he was gone.

Kyungsoo didn’t want to talk with me, even when I almost begged for him to tell me what was happening. The day of the accident, he closed the coffee shop and ordered me to go home, rushing to his office afterwards, leaving me there with a shocked expression and tears forming at the corners of my eyes. When I got home, I broke down in the middle of my living room. I felt betrayed, completely irrational and idiotic. I should’ve known I was being fooled by him. No one could ever be that perfect, he had to at least have a flaw.

After that, I felt drained.

Every class seemed like an eternity, every client like a rock and every meal like an invitation to throw up after. I was a mess, but I couldn’t face him. I was furious and even when I deserved an explanation, I wasn’t ready for it. I knew I would forgive him, I was way too soft of heart. He made my knees weak, my heart race and my head go blank. It was the effect that Byun Baekhyun had in me, and I felt like it was irrevocable to the heart eyes.

After a week, I thought he had given up, until one day, after my art’s class, a tattooed hand stopped me by the wrist. My skin immediately responded to it, bristling to the contact. I shut my eyes closed, knowing very well to whom that hand belonged to. His touch was way too familiar, and images of his smooth hands traveling all the way around my waist caused me a shiver.

The smooth voice called my name, and I didn’t move. I sensed all the rage forming in me, but I didn’t want to cause a scene in the middle of the hallway. So, I pulled my hand free, walking with quick steps back to the art class, finding it empty. I felt his presence behind me, burning holes in the back of my neck as he left his bag over the desk, not leaving my figure for a sole second. Several eyes were already on us back there, following every move we made.

Once I was settled, I ran my hands over my hair. A loud sigh left my lips and I was completely energetic for the first time in days.

“What do you want?” I growled at him, looking at him with narrowed eyes. He stepped back, taken by surprise with my sudden outburst.

“I-I have been looking for you.” He murmured, clearing his voice after.

“No shit, Sherlock. I have been ignoring you.” I crossed both of my arms over my chest, annoyed.

“I noticed. What I don’t know is why” I felt the urge to laugh in his face, finding this situation really funny. I was shocked by his lack of seriousness, knowing really well he was aware of what he had done and how he still decided to ignore the fact completely, playing dumb with me.

“Oh. Oh! So, now we are playing this game?” I clapped, amused. “I’m impressed. You know really well how to play pretend with me.”

“What do you-”, he began, but I spoke once again.

“Does the name Min mean anything to you?” As the name curled out of my tongue, all the color left his face, leaving him wordless. His shoulders immediately rose up, and his mouth opened and closed with empty attempts of words flying in the air. I noticed the way his jaw clenched as he tried to find what to say.

“She- you- I”, he stuttered.

“Does it?”

“She is- I mean, how did you-”

“How did I find out?” I finished for him. “She showed up at the damn shop, moron!” I shouted, suddenly aware that we were alone. Since no one could hear us, one of my hands slapped with force one of the desks, sending rushes of pain through my arm. I contained myself, only reacting with a made mock. He starred at me intensively.

“I tried to tell you.” Was all what he responded.

“’I tried’ is not enough, Baekhyun! I’m a fucking whore!” Tears started to prickle at the corners of my eyes, but I contained them. I couldn’t weaken.

“You are not!”

“Yes, yes I am. I was your side chick all the time when you already had a girlfriend!” I saw how drops of sweat formed in his forehead, suddenly anxious at the situation. I was fighting the tears back, urging them not to fall until I was alone and safe.

“She means nothing to me, not anymore.” He tried again, and I felt even more furious. What was he trying to do?

“She is still your girlfriend! You should’ve told me you had her so I would’ve been intelligent enough to not involve myself with you!” I spat. One of my hands rose and slapped him hard in the face, almost moving without my control. The sound resonated around the classroom, and his face turned to the side, while he gritted his teeth without a word. Both of fists were white, and his nostrils fluttered widely as he breathed in with force. I stood up straight, seeing his squared shoulders move along with his erratic breathing. After a few minutes, he spoke again.

“Min and I broke up a week ago.” His gaze was on the floor and his cheek was red as an apple. I could catch a glimpse of his white teeth biting his lower lip, turning it even more pink. Small strands of hair were hanging over his forehead, covering half of his eyes, and I felt the urge to pull them off his face. The tips of my fingers were tickling for it but I had to mentally slap myself for that. I shouldn’t be near him, not when it had passed just a week and I felt like I was touching rock bottom.

“We met young, and too inexperienced.” He continued. “I was barely 17 and I was just in high school, you know? She was pretty. She was pretty and she liked me back, so I thought, why not? Fuck it, it won’t do any harm.” Baekhyun laughed softly after this, almost ironically. His smile was there but it didn’t reach his eyes. Both of his hands were extended in front of him, showing off his spotted tattoos.

“It all started okay, at least at first. I thought it was going to work, until she started to cling on me, suffocating me. Min never had a boyfriend before, and she believed that being my girlfriend gave her the right to control me. She thought that she could control what had to do with me and everything that revolved around me.” His frame moved backwards, slightly leaning against the teacher’s desk. Both of his hands played with the frayed edges of his sweatshirt, scratching the old pieces of paint that were still stuck on his clothes. He zoned out, starring at a white wall with tired eyes.

“She controlled my phone, my friends, my whole life. I couldn’t leave my house without her calling me a thousand times and I was so done already. I didn’t want to be with her anymore, but I couldn’t leave her. I didn’t know a thing about relationships at all, and I thought that if I wasn’t with her, I would’ve end up broken and alone.” He closed his eyes shut, and I noticed the dark circles under his eyes. His sharp cheekbones were more prominent and his pale skin was even paler. He seemed as tired as he could be, and I didn’t know how to react at this.

“I stayed, gave everything I could give. I even talked to her, she understood and stopped her old ways. She did everything she thought it was okay to do to make me happy, but I wasn’t happy. I stayed with her because I felt pity. I felt like I needed to give more of me so she wouldn’t feel the urge to overthink in me.”

I talked after a few minutes. “That didn’t give you the right to do what you just did.”

“I know it didn’t, Y/N” he said through his gritted teeth. “I’m fucking sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to lie to you or her. By the time I met you, I was supposed to meet her at Soo’s shop. It was a complete accident, and I promise you that even if I hadn’t met you, I would’ve broken up with her!” With those last words, his voice was now raising an octave. His brows were furrowed, making a deep crease in the middle of his forehead. His body was towering over mine and I could tell he was angry. Angry with me, angry with himself, angry with… her.  

But the worst, was that he didn’t have the right to be mad at me. I did nothing wrong.

“You’re a hypocrite, Baekhyun.” I spoke after what seemed like ages. “You lied. It doesn’t matter if you wanted to break up with her or not, I don’t care. You knew that she still had a thing for you and anyways you ran away from her and had a thing with me behind her back. I’m the side chick. I’m the one who got in between the two of you, breaking the last remaining of a relationship of years. Years, Baekhyun! You lied in my face with empty words that you probably used with her too. You fucking omitted the fact that you had a girlfriend!”

“It’s not like I could’ve done something about it, Y/N!” His arms rose in the air, and he angrily messed his red hair once again. “It just happened! The moment I met you I completely forgot everything, it was only you. It is only you.” He murmured the last part, shaking his head slightly.

I started to rub my arms, feeling my skin tickled with anxiety. I couldn’t think straight, not when he was there, being completely honest with me. I could feel like gaze burning holes in my body, exanimating me from head to toe. His soft features were glowing, the tip of his rounded nose was scrunched out of the labored breathing he had. I could see his over bitten lips, all ripped and swollen. I wanted to kiss him, to feel his soft lips against mine while he murmured lost words to me, making me feel like I was in a bubble. I could feel the urge to feel his body with mine, the shared corporal heat he gave me at night, combined with his touches and attentions. My need for Baekhyun was something I couldn’t explain, not with words at least, but I was way too hurt. He had shattered me in just a few seconds, and I couldn’t bare the idea of knowing what a heartbreak felt like once more.

“Y/N, please…” he begged, taking a step closer to my body. I shut my mouth, fighting against myself and the thoughts I had screaming at me, looking for the fact that I had to forgive him. I shook my head and raised a hand in the air, stopping his advances. “Don’t.”

“But…” he continued, but I stopped him.

“Don’t come closer, stop. I ca-I can’t. I can’t be with you, not right now, not like this.”

His eyes widened at my words, his mouth slightly open. “Y/N…”

“Stop!” I shouted. My hands ran through my hair with force, out of the exasperation “Just, stop it. I don’t want to see you anymore. I don’t want to have anything to do with you. I’m done. We are done.” I took my stuff quickly and pushed the bag over my shoulder. I needed to get out, I felt like I was going to burst in any second and the air was slowly leaving my lungs, keeping me breathless. My heart was beating way too fast by the time I reached the door, and, as I placed my hand over it, I turned around and saw his figure over my shoulder.

He was on the floor, both of his hands in front him as he kneeled with a pleading look in his eyes. His hair was out of place and his chest was moving way too fast, making his nostrils flutter. He opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him before he could make me change my mind.

“Goodbye, Baekhyun.”

[fmeleanor]

davis + eleanor || 5 kisses meme

WRITE ABOUT 5 TIMES OUR MUSES ALMOST KISSED AND THE ONE TIME THEY DID

O N E ::

As the music in Retroscore thumped the floor, Ellie sat on the lap of a local whose name she’d forgotten by then. She had never known how good she was at dancing until a few weeks ago when she’d opened herself to a whole new world. So with a grin, she was rolling her hips against his lap and letting him kiss from her collarbone up to her neck.

“Am I beautiful?” She asked him as she ran her hands through his hair. His teeth ran along her other collarbone as he mumbled a response.

“So fucking beautiful,” he whispered, his words muffled. So she smiled, pulling him a little bit closer. After all, things like that were what she wanted to hear, it was what she did these things for. For validation and confirmation of her own beauty because she could never believe herself when she tried thinking she was.

Before the end of the song, she felt arms hook beneath her shoulders and she didn’t know what was happening by the time she was completely off the stranger’s lap.

“Hey what the fuck?” The stranger said and she turned around to see Davis. Rolling her eyes, she pushed herself out of his arms and placed a hand on her hip.

“Can I help you, Chapman?”

“Haven’t we had this chat before, Princess? I thought it was pretty clear that you’re mine. And Jake, you’re lucky I don’t fucking kill you.”

Ellie stormed out now, knowing the next step in the game would be him coming after her and pressing her against his car or a wall to fuck her. She rather liked this game.

“What?” She said, turning around to face him once they were outside of the makeshift club. “We fuck a few times and suddenly you own me?”

“You and I both know it’s been more than a few times and I thought I told you I don’t like seeing you with other guys!”

“And I thought I told you I’m my own person. Besides if you want me so bad why don’t you prove it?” Then his hands were on her body, pulling her closer roughly and she smiled as he did so.

“How’s this for proving it?” He growled in her ear.

“You’re getting there.”

Lifting her up, he pushed her against the wall as she’d predicted and lifted her skirt up to her waist, grabbing her ass with a rough hand that made her even more turned on.

“And now?”

“Even closer,” she mumbled, nibbling his ear. “Kiss me?”

She lost herself in the feeling of his teeth on the soft flesh of her shoulder but came back into reality when he sat her back down, fixing his hair as if nothing had ever happened. As if she wasn’t entirely hot and bothered while she glared at him.

“I just pulled you off of Jake fucking Fitzgerald’s lap.” Davis straightened his shirt and shrugged towards her. “I’ll teach you your lesson tomorrow. In the meantime take a shower. Jake’s filthy.”

T W O ::

Ellie leaned her head back against the headboard of her bed, trying to catch her breath once Davis had moved away to clean himself a bit and she couldn’t stop a smile from forming on her lips. Another thing she couldn’t keep herself from doing was admiring his naked body and all the muscles that were far too often hidden by clothes as he came back to join her. She winked at him, pulling the sheet up to her waist as he climbed on top of her. 

“Not ready for a round three, are we?” He challenged and Ellie just rolled her eyes, pushing her shoulder. 

“You have a meeting in, like, 20 minutes. And isn’t your dad going to be accompanying you? What would he think if a silly little girl kept you from important business?” 

A scoff passed his lips as he ran his hands up her sides and she wished she didn’t moan softly at the feeling. “I’d tell him to fuck off and that I had better things to do.”

“Would you really?” Ellie’s tone held a teasing edge to it while she was still somewhat curious about how much truth lied in his statement. The lack of knowing where she stood in their... whatever it was had been something weighing heavily on her mind lately so she kept trying to ask the right questions to figure it out. After all, it was good to hear him refer to her as his girlfriend in front of his business friends . but behind closed doors those were never words either of them seemed to use regarding each other. Unfortunately, Davis was meant to be the lawyer he wanted to be and whether it was on purpose or not he always carefully avoided answering them. 

“You’re definitely better than a stupid meeting about business progression,” was all he said in response, rolling off the bed before searching for his boxers. As he got dressed she sat there admiring him once more, averting her eyes only to see what time it was now.

“15 minutes, Chapman,” Ellie said with a giggle, watching him roll his eyes at her before running a hand through his hair. “Your cologne is in your briefcase,” now kiss me goodbye. She wanted to say that but told herself that it was a silly desire, even as he leaned in to leave one last mark upon her neck before walking away. He never kissed her goodbye and she’d never wanted that but maybe she did. Either way, she heard her front door shut as he left and she begrudgingly made her way to the shower to get ready for the day.

T H R E E :: 

The toast ended and Ellie threw back the glass of champagne so quickly that Davis chuckled at her. She just scrunched her nose up at him and giggled quietly as he took a sip of his own drink. She was glad for all of the times when she wasn’t having a Bad Day as they’d called it in therapy on the same day as a dinner at the Mayor’s home. Unfortunately, today was one of those Bad Days and she was fighting every urge in her brain that was telling her to shove the food into her purse. She told herself that such an act was way too obvious and she would be caught without a doubt. 

So instead she smiled when she was supposed to smile and responded when she should have and she took tiny bites when no one was looking at her. Halfway through one of her bites, a man to her left addressed her directly and she swallowed quickly. 

“So you’re Davis’ girlfriend?” He asked with a mustache-covered smile. 

“Oh, yes,” she said smoothly, choosing not to say that in fact they had sex nearly every night and tended to play house in front of others rather than actually labelling their relationship. 

“How did you two meet?” 

Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, Ellie shrugged shyly. “Well I work at the aquarium, he came by and we saw each other. It was, like, instant sparks.” At least that was her go to story because, again, she wasn’t going to admit that 10 minutes after their first formal introduction she was naked and gripping his mattress to keep herself from falling. 

“How wonderful,” the man said, raising a glass in their direction and she felt Davis’ hand now resting on her thigh. “Let’s get a kiss then, shall we? From the happy couple!”

“Oh, no no no. We like to keep that aspect of our relationship private.” 

“Just a peck!” 

Ellie groaned mentally before turning to Davis. “Just pretend to kiss me to get him to shut up,” she whispered and he nodded with a laugh, leaning just close enough to appease the old man. Ellie wished she didn’t want to kiss him for real because he was great at kissing and while there were a few reasons she didn’t actually kiss him, one of them was that she was very bad at stopping herself once they started. Instead she just let out a small breath of relief when the man clapped his hands. 

“How adorable. Alright, I’ll just be getting my dessert then leaving. It was lovely to meet you, Eleanor.” 

“Ugh, weird,” she whispered to Davis causing him to laugh as he put an arm around her. 

“We can’t help how good we look together. Anyway, you’ll get your real kisses tonight,” he whispered back and she smiled at him. 

“Sounds like a plan.” 

F O U R :: 

The music was soft and slow and like nothing Ellie knew how to dance to but she didn’t mind that her body was pressed so closely to Davis’. Mason had just announced that, with the help of all of the donations, they’d raised $68,571 at this years annual tiki party. Not that Davis or Daisy would ever take credit for such money but the guests they were able to bring this year did bring the profits to a level they’d never seen before. 

Now the band they’d hired was playing a song that Mason had wrote and she looked around to see her friends dancing as well. Cecelia with Sawyer, talking over the song while still swaying to the beat. Daisy and Dustin, holding each other as closely as possible with her bump in the middle. Delaney and Mason who were staring into each others eyes in a way she’d never seen them look before. Mallory resting her head on Lincoln’s broad chest as he held her in a way that made his arms seem like a barrier between her and all the bad things in the world, too many of which she’d already gone through. There was Hunter, laughing with Talia as they held hands and he spun her around. She liked how happy they were. 

And then there was Davis, with his hands on her waist smiling down at her with eyes that sparkled in the tea lights that covered the dance floor. 

“I love you,” she whispered with a smile. Every time she said that she couldn’t believe how far they’d come. Couldn’t believe how lucky she was to be able to say she loved him. 

“I love you too,” he said back with a smirk, playing with a piece of her hair. She laid her head against his shoulder, still stuck on how lucky she was when she felt his hand tip her chin upwards. Giving him a lazy grin, she shook her head. 

“Just a sec’,” she told him. “Once the song’s over.” In response, he gave her a nod, playing with her hair again. She closed her eyes, listening to his heartbeat and the song and feeling his hands on her waist. Everything, she thought to herself, could have ended in that exact moment and she wouldn’t have had a single regret in the world. 

F I V E ::

For a while, Ellie had had a sinking feeling in her stomach regarding the idea of having their own children. With confirmation of Mallory’s inability to conceive, she thought it best to pay a visit to her own doctor because she had to know. Something inside her brain had to know. 

So three hours later, she sat on her bedroom floor with tears threatening to well over her eyes as she held her hands around her stomach and her forehead against her knees. Upon hearing Davis call out that he was back from work and had just had a great meeting with his current client, every muscle in her body was saying she needed to move, saying she needed to get up and look happy but her mind had shut down and she wasn’t even sure she knew how to move anyway. 

“Babe?” Davis’ voice was getting closer and his footsteps were nearing their bedroom door but all she could do was move to rest her chin on her knees instead. “Ellie what happened?” Davis asked as soon as he saw her sitting there. All she could do was shrug because she knew the moment she tried to speak she would burst into tears instead. “C’mon Baby, what’s wrong?” 

“I’m... I’m sorry,” was all she could get out before a sob finally broke through her words. By then Davis was in front of her, probably trying to look for any immediately obvious problems though there were none to be found. 

“Why are you sorry, Eleanor what’s going on?” 

“I-I went... to the doctor be-because of Mallory a-and...” Pausing for a moment, Ellie tried to take a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

Now his hands were on her cheeks and she didn’t know what to do because she loved him but she was broken. She’d screwed herself over all those years ago with all those relapses. 

“He to-told me there was... there was only a... a 20 percent chance I’ll be able to have a baby.” Then she was really crying, apologizing over and over. 

“Why are you apologizing? This wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes it is! Why don’t you hate me?! You should hate me!! I... I let my mind ruin everything! Just tell me you hate me and get it over with!”

“I don’t... I don’t hate you, Ellie,” and even though his voice was a little bit broken as well, she wanted to believe his words. 

“But we wanted a baby... we won’t have one.”

“We can still try, Ellie we can still try and if we can’t then... then we’ll adopt one or something.” And his hands were on her cheeks again and he looked like he wanted to kiss her sadness away but instead she pushed his hands away. 

“No, don’t kiss me I... I don’t deserve that right now I ruined everything and I don’t want to try, Davis. I can’t go through that and lose a baby I’m not strong enough for that look at how weak I am I can’t... I can’t do that.” Davis didn’t seem to have a response to that except for trying to put his hands on her cheeks again and trying to get her to breathe. “Stop Davis! Aren’t you hearing me?! Aren’t you listening?! You should hate me. I ruined your life I can’t have kids and I ruined everything just... just go, okay? I’m just... I’m going to shower... try calming down or something but please even if you should - please don���t hate me. I couldn’t live with myself if you hated me...”

O N E ::

Ellie’s hands gripped the cage bars so hard that her knuckles had to have been white. The grin on her face was so large that she felt like she was about to break her cheeks although that wasn’t even possible. However, as their guide starting pointing out the sharks and using a large stick to get them excited, her heart was beating a million miles a minute. She’d swam with 83 different shark breeds at that point, but never had she been this close to a Great White, and as she glanced towards Davis who looked as nervous as she was excited, she thought of how many dreams had come true in the last week, and how another was happening right at that very moment. 

After a few words of encouragement, more instructions and the professionals climbing into the cages with them, she and Davis waved at one another before the metal contraption started moving. She took a deep breath and secured her scuba mask, checking her oxygen once more and making sure Davis had done the same before her face was practically glued to the bars. 

As soon as she saw the giant sharks she wanted to scream out of excitement. No matter how big she had imagined them being they had passed that by at least a foot or two. The entire thirty minutes that they were down there flew by in what felt like seconds as she stared in awe as they fed on a seal, memorized the way their bodies moved and had to stop herself from reaching out to touch one as it swam a mere foot away from her. It was everything she’d wanted it to be and more. Far too soon, the cage was being pulled away and she waved a goodbye to the seven sharks that had been surrounding them before reaching the surface again. She had meant to watch Davis’ reaction to everything that had been happening but had gotten far too engrossed in the shark’s behavior. 

“Babe!” She screamed excitedly as soon as their feet were back on the boat. She’d be lying if she said she couldn’t tell Davis’ legs were shaking. “Babe can you believe what we just saw?! We just saw that!!!” Then, before she could stop herself she had thrown her arms around his shoulders. “Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!” By then he’d hugged her back, laughing nervously at her excitement. “And it doesn’t even look like you shit yourself,” she teased him, bouncing up and down excitedly. “I just... ah!!” As she removed her oxygen tank and mask and goggles and the hood of her wetsuit, she still felt like bouncing off the walls with excitement. 

A few moments later they were both sitting down as the boat started driving back towards the pier. “Davis that was a dream come true,” Ellie said, leaning against his shoulder. “And you looked so hot and brave.” She had moved to sit on his lap and placed a hand on either side of his wet face, hair still dripping with salt water. “You make all of my dreams come true.” Her tone was slightly mocking, a little bit cheesy, but not too much to deteriorate the truth of the statement. So she kissed him and she made the truth apparent through her lips as they moved against his and her tongue as it traced a line along his upper lip and his teeth as they tugged on his bottom lip and her hands as they trailed up and down his body. The captain or the instructors or anyone else on the boat was the last thing on either of their minds as they lost themselves in the kiss for a few moments. 

“We’re going to have to use that couple’s massage you set up for us tonight,” Davis said, his laugh still verging on nervous as he spoke and Ellie caught her breath. 

“Whatever you want, Baby. Then after our dinner reservations maybe I can give you a little massage of my own...” She moved to kiss him again as she let her words trail off suggestively. He chuckled against her lips, nodding. “I mean I am full of adrenaline already. How long do we have before that dinner reservation?” 

“Plenty of time,” was all she whispered before getting off his lap and kissing him on the cheek. “Thank you for loving me.” 

[equalitae]

S e c r e t s

Pairing: Chanyeol x Reader

Genre: Angst

Song to suggest: Secret Love Song - Little Mix

Synopsis: Once the interest is gone, there is nothing but used paint brushes we try to recover. 

Once the bond is broken, there’s nothing that can fix it in what it used to be. Once you fall for someone else, there is not a thing that can be done to forget about the shared memories you two begin to share.

Once you break your old promises, you just begin to make new ones.

Word count:  3K

A/N: Hi! 

Here’s a complete request i had in my message inbox! I hope that you enjoy it and please, if you do, give it some love! 

I’m sorry it took me so long, though! 

Requests are open! Just remember to read the r u l e s before requesting!

See you soon, x!!

It was a mess. I was a mess.

The floor tiles were just as cold as my mind, but they still sent tickles through my legs, making my body hair bristle in a second. My head was leaning against the bathroom stall, avoiding me from kicking it several times against the wall out of desperation. The moon light was bright, and it slipped through the window hinges making my puffy and tired eyes hurt. I sniffled loudly, before letting a small sob leave my lips with ease.

I couldn’t think straight, letting millions of possibilities rush in my head like flashes of lightning, making my brain hurt with a migraine that I had seen coming up since I realized what had happened. I didn’t know when was the time I let my whole life get wrecked up, leaving my existence get managed by someone else than myself but I did know I was nothing else but naïve and utterly delusional. My head was running wild, full of my problems and worries that I hadn’t been able to control before they exploded in my face like a surprise.

I knew we were meant to be. I knew I was going to end up broken for good, every piece so shattered that no one else would be able to put it back together ever again, but I still let myself think I had a chance. The mere idea that I was able to tame the indomitable was exciting, and it made my heard flutter with anxiety as well. I was weak at the charms the presence of his persona gave, all distinguished and elegant, provoking a change of mood in my body.

The first time we crossed eyes, I was completely smashed. That afternoon I had left the house with my best friends, ready to have a “coffee date” —for my mother’s sake, and ended up being pushed over and over by dancing and sweaty bodies that couldn’t wait for the song to be over so they could leave to somewhere else more “private”. There was humidity in there, most of my hair stuck to my nape, letting the ends of it curl up by the body heat.

I had lost my friends over an hour ago, but I didn’t mind because I wasn’t able to even stand straight myself, so they would be able to get themselves a cab once they were done with their fun time. I tried to get myself a drink but since it was way too crowded, I decided to leave so I could get some air, slipping through the bar doors in a few seconds. I heard some honks in the street, as cars drove away in the street as fast as they could. The neon lights illuminated the sidewalk with purpleish colors and bluish tones. The line to enter almost reached the other corner of the sidewalk, and I could see several familiar faces waiting to be invited inside the club. I rolled my eyes when a few drops of water fell in my nose, making me snuffle because of the cold.

I started to walk with my heels barely hanging from my hand fingers, letting me walk properly. The night was dark, not even a single star shinning on the sky, letting me know it was about to rain. I couldn’t see a single soul on the street, meaning everyone was asleep or having “fun” outside just like me. I didn’t and still don’t know why I did it, but I led myself to the nearest park I know. The street lights were bright and white, marking the steps to reach the game place in the middle of the place. I could listen a few barks far away and some bugs over the bushes.

I was mumbling a song to myself, dancing without a reason as I quietly laughed to nobody but me. When I was done, and I could already feel the stone path that made the way to the games, I looked up. To my surprise, I stopped on my tracks, taken back as I distinguished a sole male figure that sat on the swings. I got closer, curious to who was in the deepest place on his hand, humming softly something I didn’t get to catch. By the time I reached the swings, I could smell the alcohol odor from far away, and it dizzied me. I was drunk, but I still had a little bit of sense in me.

The guy sat there tranquilly, murmuring something incomprehensible for me, just to laugh at himself afterwards. For what I could see, he was incredibly tall, so he could barely fit into the tiny kid swing. He was wearing an oversized hoodie, black and red, with a pair of ripped black jeans that made his thighs look fitter. His dark hair was a complete mess, running in every direction possible, looking like he was pulled from it a thousand times. I tried to get closer as quietly as possible, like if he was an animal caged for exhibition in a zoo. He didn’t seem violent, but I still had a little bit of common sense to know that I didn’t know this man at all. Who the fuck was this guy?

“You know I can hear you, right?” A groggy voice said, to my surprise, making me jump in the spot. His head was still low, drinking bits of the paper bag, but a pair of large ears was now visible for me. I fidgeted my fingers with anxiety, unsure if I should talk to him or just leave without a word. Which was the most reasonable one if I didn’t want to end up dead at the age of 23. But even after that, I staid where I was, looking at him with my head tilted to the side and one of my eyebrows arched with curiosity.

“What are you doing here?” I wondered, fixing my weight from one foot to the other.

“What are you doing here?” He responded back, drinking more of his stinking alcohol. I jarred my hands on my hips, towering over him.

“I asked first!”

He snorted, clearly annoyed, before gulping another drink of the mysterious paper bag. “I wanted to be alone, but now it seems-“he hiccupped, “-impossible.”

“You are drunk”, I stated expressionless with a disgusted voice. “Why?”

“Because I can? And don’t say it like that, you are drunk as well.”

“Yeah, but at least I can distinguish what two plus two means, you moron.”

He gasped for air, looking at me amused. A small laugh escaped from his lips, clearly entertained with the small drunk girl that decided to intrude his solitude moment. “Who are you?”

“My name is Y/N”, I extended a hand to him, which he observed for a second before shaking it slightly. His hands were way larger than mines, and when he shook them, it engulfed my tiny pair of hands in a go. His oversized hoodie covered almost halfway to his middle thigh, making him look cozy and comfier than how I felt in the tiny dress and high heels I was wearing by force.

“I’m Park Chanyeol, but you can call me Chanyeol.” His stretched legs shrank a little, as he bowed the swing beside him, asking me silently to sit with him. My sore legs moved by themselves, and a puff left my lips after I sat, absently thanking him for giving me some space. The paper bag, now forgotten beside him, contained a bottle that seemed to contain vodka in it; that I end up drinking by the time we had already talked with each other for an hour. The liquid burned my throat, provoking me to scrunch my face every time he passed me the transparent bottle.

At some point of the conversation, the topic had become something deep, involving the reason why he had been so drunk that night and why I decided that clubbing was better than staying in house with a good book and music. He was staring at me when he was done, wordless, both of his dark eyes carving a space in mine like a seal in paper. The way his brows furrowed in concentration, as how his nose scrunched a bit in unison with his pouty lips was something that remained carved in my memory till today. A bit of him remained with me for longer than necessary, lingering to the tip of my thoughts every time it had the chance to. That night was the night where I met the man who was probably the only one able to break my heart and put it back together in a snap of fingers, pulling my strings like a puppet as much as he wanted to.

After I met Chanyeol, I noticed how things slowly began to change. I didn’t remember much of the night after that, of course. The alcohol helping in the blackness of a good memory, curling on the words we both had shared in a moment of pure drunkenness and weakness. The personal part of it began to be closer, including him being with me most of the day in between classes. The relationship was something else, different to anything I had ever experienced before, causing excitement run through my blood vessels like fuel every time I had the chance to meet with him. I was conscious that once I realized people out there were more amusing, the relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years started to decrease.

The way he and I treated each other was nothing but dry, boring and plain. The dates contained nothing but a few words and meals shared, both of us deep into the relationship just for the sake of it. Once we met, I was completely sure he was the love of my life, mostly caused by my naivety and ignorance of what a real love consisted of. The lost words and fake promises were a routine, both of us breaking them more than once just because. The old caresses and attentions became something we used to share once back, but not anymore. I didn’t hear from him in weeks and when we did meet each other, was just because we both knew we had to at some point. Holding hands, sloppy kisses and whispered words were forgotten by now, as we both acted like strangers to each other.

Chanyeol was a completely story apart. His girlfriend, —something I learned from months after we first met, mostly because it slipped from him; was nothing but a whole bitch. When they started dating, Yeol had been in “love” with her for what seemed like ages, —his words, not mine, and he was way too ass whipped to properly see the con’s in his summer love and ended up in a toxic relationship without knowing how to get out of it avoiding getting hurt at last. The girl herself was okay at first, sweet and loving, but after they had been dating for a while, she started to change. The long before messages began to be loose words, or even just “seen” responses. She started to criticize, do and provoke reactions on Chanyeol that he wasn’t accustomed to; caused by an unknown fear he had no idea it existed. Her words affected on her more than what he thought they would do, and he began to response to them to, affecting her indirectly as well. He was deep down with her, done and practically annoyed by the dynamics they both shared, but he didn’t want to get out of it for fear he would end up alone if he did so.

We both were unhappy, sharing hurt feelings in the corresponding relationships; used to have a routine in which we had a comfort zone already stablished and that we were familiar with. The mess in our heads was a complete blast, revolving our thoughts and causing responses none of us wanted to properly give but ended up giving anyway by pure instinct and tact. We were lingering in a thin line made of hopes and memories, not wanting to let go the only thing we both had known for such a long time and were already understood by our simple lives. And even so, we complimented each other so well. The way our personalities were so different but still mixed up together like they were made to be blended together just as one.

The first time we touched, a simple touch of hands, was enough to make me confused. I was overexaggerating, I knew it, but the simple sensation of his body heat with mine caused a chain reaction in my body that I didn’t completely understood how to control nor handle. Stolen looks, missed smiles and “mistaken” caresses became frequent. We were both playing with fire, ready to get burned in any moment and not feeling any guilt for that. I was starting to get familiar with his smell, his reactions and his silly faces every time something happened. The way of his laugh and his deep voice were my soothing sound, provoking a calm sensation in me every time I found myself staring at his pearl white smile for a few seconds too long.

I caught him doing the same, though. His ways were way too frequent for me not to notice or even believe he was doing them “by mistake”. His fingers lingered on my face too often, his stares burned holes on me; even his clothes began to be part of my closet from now on. We were falling for each other, indirectly lying to those who had been by our side for more time than what we could remember. The interest in one another was staring to become more visible, obviously ignoring our respecting couples and concentrating on spending our time together more often. The way my heart beat way too hard when he was close was completely erratic, even scary sometimes. I loved having him around, messing with me every time he had the chance to, making my day a little bit brighter. We both had forgot what a real interaction felt like, at least until we first kissed.

We were both a little bit tipsy, sharing memories in my garden, looking at the stars like there were no problems trying to drown us every time they had the chance. The sky was clear, shinning with a very antique and unique way, closely starting to look like a messed-up canvas that ended up looking better than expected. The forgotten wine bottle was thrown in between the both of us, dripping the last drops of dark liquor in the grid that made a barrier between us and the sticky grass. Chanyeol’s million-dollar smile was at its best, bright and beautiful, as he spoke with ease about an old memory he shared with his fellow friends back to his hometown. I was so gone in his chiseled profile that I forgot to put attention in what he was saying, at least until his nose almost crashed with mine in his attempt to turn around so he would be able to look at me.

His minty and liquored breath crashed with mine, his dark eyes sparkling in the darkness of the night. I felt my cheeks reddening, flustered by his sudden nearness and my mind running a mile for it. His mouth shut, his wide smile disappearing as he scanned me slowly, inspecting my face like it was something he had to remember. His breathing was deep and slow, each time he took his chance to get all the air in his lungs, letting it leave with ease. I found myself staring at his features, captivated by the little freckles scattered in his face like they were personally carved in there. His eyelashes kissed his face when he blinked, purposely doing it slower than normal. I didn’t have time to process what was happening, not when his soft lips were lingering to mine in urge. His warm hands held me by the waist pulling me closer to his engulfing body until his both was crashing with mine. The soft strands of his hair tingled in my fingers, which I tangled in his neck the first few seconds I kissed him back.

This was wrong, we were wrong. We had been bottling our feelings till they exploded and lead us to be entangled in a hot mess full of lost caresses and missing words. His lips molded perfectly with mine, making the kiss blown my mind with thoughts I couldn’t control. I had free fell into a deep hole full of him in ways I couldn’t retract myself from. I was drunk by him, his kisses and smell. And even when this felt so good, we were both digging our own graves just by looking at each other. We both were committed in a relationship, each of them different from one another, and still so similar at the same time. I was cheating, this was cheating. And I still let myself enjoy the little happy moments like this, where kissing each other became a frequent act saved to when we were alone and free to be ourselves. We both had to hide in where he can finally be mine and I can be his, even if it was just for a few hours, as we emptied our need for each other like if we were both high schoolers who hid themselves from the public eye.

I fell so hard for someone that wasn’t mine to have. I was in love with someone who was barely a shared person between me and his girlfriend, and found himself sharing me with someone else too. We were both sneaking around, letting small laughs and stolen kisses enroll us into a deep maze of lies and forgotten sighs. He loved me and I loved him, it was just facts. We kept on the lies to our partners, pretending to be okay when it was more than clear that we weren’t. We needed to keep with our fake mask just by fear we could leave something assured for something that was a kids game behind a tree. We hurt ourselves, but we stitched ourselves back in place when we were together, the company given making us forget we had a life out of our little bubble.

It was so wrong but it felt so right, that we didn’t notice we were a ticking bomb about to explode, letting all our secrets bloom into the light.