#like how about: sex isn't really important to me and given the option i would rather think/talk about pretty much anything else

[graysongraysoff]

is it so hard to understand that i am neither a smol bean nor a prolific smut fic writer but a secret third thing (just...... a person who doesn't experience sexual attraction)

[dragonling348]

I was rewatching old Helluva Boss episodes, and it really struck me how Stolas only adressed Blitzø with a string of innuendos and outright sexualization. When he was first introduced, we knew two things about him: he's horny as fuck, and he has the grimoire that lets him into the human world. I think all of the first season, even when he gets beautiful moments of caring for his daughter and saving IMP from the D.H.O.R.K.S., in every moment that's not life-threatening or somber, he's CONSTANTLY sexualizing Blitzø. And it makes me think that that's where a big conflict between the two lies. Even though Stolas wants more, the fact that he only talked about the sex part of their relationship shut down the option for this to be more romantic. Now Blitzø only thinks of their sexual contract when he thinks of Stolas because it was all he talked about. It also makes me wonder how much of Stolas' character depth Blitzø really got to see. There's not a whole lot of time for emotion or depth when your partner only talks about sex with you. In Loo Loo Land, we can see even through the comedy of the episode that Blitzø basically expects Stolas to drag him in an alley and fuck at any given moment, and Stolas' comments do not beat the allegations. But the season one finale is when this becomes really clear.

Before the finale, we've had no indication that Stolas wanted more, which means neither had Blitzø. But here he's clearly lonely, which is probably pretty common for him. I mean, he's so desperate to talk to Blitzø that he'll likely drop anything if Blitzø reaches out. And, I mean, the amount of excitement at the prospect of a date is so clear. It's painful how much effort he puts into that, only to get brushed off and ignored by Blitzø on the actual date. At this point, Blitzø seems like a total dick, and he is, but it's important to note his side. He's in Ozzy's, a place that laughs at anything romantic, with the guy who ALWAYS talks about how much he wants to be fucked, who he called as a last resort. If he actually put down the binoculars and engaged in conversation where they're not just talking about sex, their entire dynamic would have to change. He'd have to actually get vulnerable with Stolas, who he only knows to be shallow and sex-driven. He sees all of Stolas' attempts at kindness or empathy as a show just to get in his pants, because again, that's the only kind of interaction they've had this far. It's to the point where it makes Blitzø visibly uncomfortable at times.

When Blitzø outright tells Stolas they shouldn't pretend their relationship is anything more than "you wanting me to fuck you", Stolas is confronted with the fact that he's maybe pushed too hard. I don't think there was one time in season two where Stolas sexualizes Blitzø after that moment. Maybe it was a lack of Stolas screen time, but I think it was because Stolas noticed that he messed up by ONLY communicating with Blitzø by sexualization. We see in the texts between them that he's trying to backtrack by letting Blitzø know he's allowed to say no. He wants Blitzø to prioritize his own comfort before their monthly arrangement, but that change may be too late or too sudden. Blitzø is skeptical and brief with Stolas after that. Because why would the sexual prince care about his feelings other than as a way to coerce him into fucking?

Basically, Stolas is incredibly genuine and trying to change to be better, but he was so uncomfortably sexual in every interaction between him and Blitzø that Blitzø is understandably skeptical of his sudden concern about his feelings. Neither is in the right or wrong, it's just good writing folks! I think with all that Stolas is doing to be emotionally honest, the next step for their relationship to be more healthy is Blitzø being comfortable to reach out and be honest with Stolas. Unfortunately, there's nothing more Stolas can do on his end to show he's willing to listen, since Blitzø isn't trusting of any of his sentiments at the moment.

I fucking love these two and I want to see them in a more honest relationship romantically, not just sexually.

[hurlumerlu]

miw/neo/shin for the ship ask ?

Well obviously you can guess that I love them, I haven't been subtle about it (also thank you for diving in the tag and providing me with good gifsets u.u) I love them individually - though Miw's the best and the guys are both sometimes irritating in their own way, you can't change my mind - and I love them as a trio, but I also love how they (still as a trio) interract with other characters in universe and narratively, and I love every single side of their triangle, though again : Miw & Shin have such a fun and surprisingly meaty dynamic, it's definitely my favourite out of the three.

On that subject, it is really nice to see a polyamorous triad that isn't a perfect triangle but where the non-romantic side is given (roughly) as much weight as the romantic ones. Neo isn't here when Miw and Shin meet, and something sparks without him. There's this shift, in their first bedroom scene, where Miw is bringing forth this cute and nice persona but respond to Shin's attempt at sincerity by deciding that putting her more abrasive self forward is a risk worth taking, and it's pretty pivotal ? After that Shin trusts her even when it's... pretty obvious she's lying, and she reciprocate by simply wanting to spend time with him without expecting anything from him. Like, their friendship started before The Clusterfuck, it could have blossomed on it's own, and it is important from that point on (Shin #1 Miw defender).

That being said, I also enjoy having a f/m/m polycule where the woman isn't the arrow's head. I feel like the very few stories who depict this kind of situations tend to rely on the men being bro but desiring the same woman in a weird attempt to, idk, retain some heterosexuality ? Not that it works. But here it feels like they went out of their way to avoid that, and I am here for it. Everyone gets their turn in the middle, but Neo is the clear linchpin of the throuple. Remove him and they fall appart, because of their respective insecurities. "It's time for this movie to end", say Miw, because why would she saddle the rich boy with her trashy mess ? and Shin doesn't object because why would he bother this cool girl that his crush loves more than him ? The three of them are stupidly self-sacrificial in different ways. But yeah, it's Neo's belief that when it comes to love they are allowed to have it all that keeps them together and it's just sweet.

Speaking of insecurities, I appreciate that it does actually take more than them fucking once for their relationship to be all smooth sailing, and that most of their hangs-up are pretty realistic results of, uh, living in our world. Like, Miw & Neo's poverty and their complicated relationship re: sex-work that they keep throwing in each other's face (Neo straight up calling Miw a whore, Miw arguing that Neo's a bad romantic prospect because he's poor and vulgar and uneducated) ? And you cannot convince me that Shin's conviction that he's just not as important to them as they are to him is partly from experiencing homophobia and seeing himself as the gay option vs Miw/Neo as the normal path anyone would want to take. I mean obviously gangster dad is the biggest obstacle in their path but I like that they also face internal ones. I'm often frustrated by the way polyamory is sometimes presented as the solution to love triangles (especially in fandom spaces) because imo, the neat narrative thing an OT3 does isn't that it solves the problem, but that it creates different ones. The show does it beautifully.

On a more, idk, bird-eyed view perspective ? I greatly enjoy just watching them blaze accross Thailand ruining lives without meaning to. The Mae/Phon/Ter mirrorverse doomed trio, Neo's boss, that guy Oat, the hotel manager and her family, Neo's brother, Luang I guess, even arguably Vanika... never has a polycule been such an ill-omen. Incredible Natural Disaster Energy. Three will be free and yes that is a threat.

UGH there was something else I wanted to talk about but I forgot what it was, I didn't expect this to get this long and also I'm sick and my brain isn't working super well right now. Anyway : never forget Neo fucked the step-son right after the step-mom. Or that time when Miw flirted with Neo's brother, while Neo watched them with jealousy, while Shin watched HIM with jealousy. Terrible work, team, eat some pot-brownies and then hit the showers.

[carinavetreblogs]

Okay so I'm not though the game or Astarion's romance yet, but I am past the Cazador plotline and I've done some playing around with different options, and no matter what you pick or how it goes I have one beef with the way the romance is done overall:

Astarion just isn't into you enough.

(spoilers below)

So right from the beginning Astarion seduces you specifically to gain your favour. And that's fine! It's interesting to see how a relationship can develop from that! Except ... we don't ever see it develop. Given the right dialogue options, Astarion eventually tells you how your relationship started and that he eventually caught feelings for you, but we never see that process. We never see anything between the initial sex scene and the feelings confession. There's literally no acknowledgement that you're even together, or any confirmation that this is a continuous thing rather than a one-time thing. We get to see in his eyes when he lies to you about having to "hold back" -- and major kudos to the animators for pulling that off so well -- but we never get to see when the way he looks at you changes.

So when he says "Oh yeah I totally seduced you for my own gain and also it was really easy but it's all cool because I like you now!" it just feels ... cheap.

[And there isn't even an option to acknowledge how hurtful that information, and the way he presented it, is! If you want the romance to continue at all, the only options you can chose next are "I care about you" and then some way to assure him that you care. Which, yes, he does need that assurance because nobody has ever cared about him before, but right at this moment, I could use a bit of assurance too! Part of that comes down to the player character having a bit too much of blank slate syndrome throughout the game, but it's still really irritating.]

And then once he gives a bare minimum confession of vague feelings for you, he immediately starts calling you "my love". And then there's the dryad scene where you reinforce your "love". But ... we're not there yet. We've barely acknowledged feelings, much less figured out what they mean. Literally if you ask him he just says he doesn't know what you're doing or what you are to him, just that you're important and this is nice. And so again, it all just feels cheap. It feels like we're going through motions.

The scene where he takes you to his grave feels more genuine, at least, but again, it would feel more genuine if there'd been any real relationship development up to that point. Shit, just giving me the option to hug him literally at any point in Cazador's quest would've done wonders.

(Side note: hell yes to banging him on his own grave, omg. But then, of course, the one sex scene where he's not just going through the motions is the one that fades to black before anything really happens.)

But then on the flip side, if you let Astarion go through with the ritual, he goes back to being weirdly detached and going through the motions.

Now I realize, dear reader, that this is done on purpose, to show how the ritual affected him, so I'm going to preface this next bit by saying: I am really, really into fucked up relationships in fiction. I love a villainous love interest, and I love it when the woman is either trapped in his clutches, extremely into how fucked up he is, or that fun combination of "this is so fucked up so why is it so hot?!"

So, like, I get that the game is trying to show you that he's currently not really capable of love. But I personally would enjoy that so much more if that love were replaced with obsession rather than indifference. Once in the initial seduction scene and a couple of times in the post-ritual scene he offers you something that sounds really good and then ruins it by asking, "Isn't that what you want?" in a detached sort of way. He isn't offering because he wants to give it to you; he's offering to keep you compliant, even now. In the post-ritual scene, he offers to turn you into a vampire, he says that you'll be his forever in an extremely sexy voice, and then he ruins it by saying "Isn't that what you want?" He starts calling you things like "pet" but in a degrading way rather than in an "I'm going to keep you forever" way.

The entire scene where he makes you kneel, where he describes what he's going to do to you, where he tells you it'll hurt and you have the option of saying "Yes, please"... All of that would be so much hotter if he were actually into it at all. Instead it's just ... patronizing.

[sexualassbutts]

I feel like it's been long enough that I can post my thoughts about the Full Moon episode for Helluva Boss.

Warning: SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET

Now, I'm gonna talk about the whole Stolitz situation cause I've been seeing A LOT of hate towards Blitzo. In my opinion, Blitzo didn't really do anything wrong in this.

Let's take the fact that Blitzo saying that Stolas just dropped the 'feelings shit' on him seems to be completely accurate. In the song When I See Him, we see Stolas talking about how he's been dealing with the divorce. Blitzo, on the other hand, even straight up said "Are we okay? Can't really say!" meaning Stolas hadn't communicated anything with Blitzo about this AT ALL before dropping it on him that night. Not even a quick "Hey, we need to talk about something important." Blitzo also said he hadn't been doing his side of the transaction because STOLAS GAVE HIM AN OUT on it for MONTHS. Meaning Stolas had MONTHS to say ANYTHING to Blitzo but chose not to. Instead, left him in the dark. Blitzo cannot be at fault for choosing not to when Stolas gave him the option to say no. And the fact that Blitzo apologized IMMEDIATELY for it during the confrontation breaks my heart. Cause Blitzo shouldn't have had to been sorry for saying no when he was given that choice to.

Stolas has always been in control in this relationship. Not only for the fact that he's royalty, but the fact that the book was Blitzo's one way to do his work, take care of his employees (who are like family to him), and his daughter and Stolas had the power to take that all away in a snap of his fingers at any given time. Blitzo had always been backed into a corner because of this and what happens when you're backed into a corner? Fight or flight. Blitzo chose to fight.

in the song When I See Him, we see Stolas trying to hide in the fridge while saying "I'll die alone if this doesn't work" which is extremely toxic in thought, for one, but that carries over to the confrontation at the end. When the conversation isn't going how Stolas had hoped it would, Stolas' first reaction was to run; to shut Blitzo down completely and stop listening to anything else he had to say. Which was why Blitzo said Stolas was treating him like one of his butler imps...Because Stolas was. He was completely dismissing him.

Then, the line when Blitzo said "I can do better" breaks my entire soul. Given his background, it's safe to say he had to say that A LOT growing up. Always being the lesser between him and Fizzarolli, he always had to strive to be better. It was a complete trauma response.

When they were going into the other room, (symbolic in that's where their connection started and they 'broke up') Blitzo straight up said "Can you give me a minute to think after all the shit you've put me through?" and Stolas wouldn't even give him that.

And finally, Stolas had NO right to ask Blitzo why he makes everything about sex. NO RIGHT. Because the one who made it all about sex to begin with WAS STOLAS. Think back on the first episode. Stolas called Blitzo and ignored when Blitzo said he was busy while Blitzo was running for his life and Stolas kept talking about sex, even after Blitzo dropped his phone. Then, again, during the episode when Blitzo and Stolas first reunited. Blitzo was just there for the book. Stolas was the one who pushed for it to be a sexual encounter. Stolas was the one who made their arrangement sexual. So he had ZERO right to throw that on Blitzo.

Now, what I CAN say that Stolas did right was, obviously, giving him that freedom with the Asmodeus Crystal. And the fact that he said his feeling straightforward at all. And how he got down on Blitzo's level and even took off his crown when confessing to him, making it more of that he was on Blitzo's level during that. Other than that, however? Nah. Blitzo even went out of his way to get a bunch of stuff for their time together. Near the end of what we see from his shopping spree, it was clear that it wasn't JUST about getting it on in order to keep the book anymore. It was because Blitzo genuinely wanted to make Stolas feel good and do anything he possibly could to do better.

So yes. I'm 100% behind Blitzo on this.

[menalez]

"i mean that when we go to the systematic level, such as workplace, healthcare, legal system, etc bi people do not face biphobia but rather homophobia and for bi women also misogyny. i mean that biphobia exists at an interpersonal level, not a systematic one."

That didn't answer the question at all though.... so you do think biphobia is politically irrelevant or not? Because that's what "it's just interpersonal" implies to me - no pattern, no relevance, no real problem - like "anti-white" or "anti-straight" prejudice. Those don't materially affect those groups so they are not politically relevant. Do you think biphobia is irrelevant to bi people's material well-being?

When bi people experience higher rates of poverty, sexual assault, domestic abuse, or lower wages, mental health statistics, etc. is that still just interpersonal and politically irrelevant? Are those things relevant but simply less urgent if it's a bi person because their privilege will "help them" with being raped, or poverty, or whatever the issue? Does this mean it's useless or unimportant for bisexuals to work on their issues?

OR is it just homophobia? And then what do you think about people that say bisexuals don't need to have a voice in discussing homophobia because they're not the "real" victims? If it's just homophobia, is it wrong for bi people to interpret their abuse through a bi lens? What if the incident stems from biphobic motivations from bosses, boyfriends, etc? I mean you agree those prejudices can exist interpersonally, so why would people - bosses, boyfriends, parents, judges, jurists, etc - not act on those beliefs in a way that lead to material costs for bi people? Is it "just" homophobia even if it's about experiences (IPV) bi people are much more prone than gay people to experience? is what happened to Amber Heard not systemic biphobia and misogyny - really homophobia and misogyny despite being so bisexual specific? Does that mean lesbian women should get an equal or greater voice in that situation? Or was AH's situation still just interpersonal despite being a national concern for weeks? Does it all just being homophobia mean bisexual people's viewpoints into the specific of their experiences are always politically worthless - I mean, why not just focus on gay people if it's "just" homophobia and bisexuality is an irrelevant distraction? Or are bisexuals actually valuable in defining and resolving homophobia? Are bisexual-dominant experiences still part of 'homophobia'? Should bisexuals be given a greater voice in discussing those or no?

Or, third option, is the message just that when it's assigned importance due to severity or relatability it can be considered homophobia, but if it's deemed unimportant then it's just biphobia? And motivations, context, and the victim are irrelevant to this? Wouldn't this just an implicit admission that bisexual trauma is just less important?

Are there options I'm not seeing?

i mean if u want to perceive "this type of prejudice exists at an interpersonal level but not a systematic one" as "no pattern, no relevance, no problem" then that's just on you honestly bc none of what i said even implied that. "its on an interpersonal not systematic level" means there aren't laws targetting people for their bisexuality, there isn't a separation on a systematic level on the rights of same sex attracted people based on how many sexes you're attracted to. that's what it means and its pretty direct. i can bring up, for example, that anti-asian racism is real but when we go to the systematic level in some countries, that while asian people continue to face racism, it being specifically because they're asian rather than because they're not white, often is at an interpersonal rather than systematic level. this doesn't mean "its not relevant / not important / there's no pattern". asian people have been facing a spike in hate crimes and abuse, how is that not relevant nor important? something existing at an interpersonal level and not being a form of systematic oppression doesn't mean its unimportant. that's your own biases and assumptions which you placed onto my statements. does it mean they don't face racism at a systematic level anymore? no it doesn't, because they absolutely do. it's just often based on being grouped with other non-white people. sometimes its because of being grouped with other foriegners. and so on.

what do you think about people that say bisexuals don't need to have a voice in discussing homophobia because they're not the "real" victims?

obviously i would disagree with it.

If it's just homophobia, is it wrong for bi people to interpret their abuse through a bi lens?

i dont even know what that means.

What if the incident stems from biphobic motivations from bosses, boyfriends, etc? I mean you agree those prejudices can exist interpersonally, so why would people - bosses, boyfriends, parents, judges, jurists, etc - not act on those beliefs in a way that lead to material costs for bi people?

boyfriends is interpersonal lol. bosses and judges and jurists often act on specifically devaluing same sex attraction. bi people face homophobia, nowhere did i deny this.

Is it "just" homophobia even if it's about experiences (IPV) bi people are much more prone than gay people to experience?

interpersonal + its homophobia. most of bi women's abusers, overwhelmingly so, are men. lesbians are far less likely to date men for obvious reasons so it explains the difference in IPV. straight women also face more IPV than lesbians because of similar reasons.

is what happened to Amber Heard not systemic biphobia and misogyny - really homophobia and misogyny despite being so bisexual specific?

a lot of it was very blatantly homophobic and misogynistic...............these questions are getting repetitive

Does that mean lesbian women should get an equal or greater voice in that situation?

on...the situation... of a bi woman being abused?????? why tf would we get an equal or greater voice in something that affected a bi woman lmao...u guys do know theres like 2x as many bi women as there are lesbians right...our voices aren't greater than yours to begin with

Or was AH's situation still just interpersonal despite being a national concern for weeks?

i feel like you intentionally ignored the part of my statement which YOU QUOTED: "we go to the systematic level... bi people... face... homophobia and for bi women also misogyny"

Does it all just being homophobia mean bisexual people's viewpoints into the specific of their experiences are always politically worthless - I mean, why not just focus on gay people if it's "just" homophobia and bisexuality is an irrelevant distraction? Or are bisexuals actually valuable in defining and resolving homophobia? Are bisexual-dominant experiences still part of 'homophobia'? Should bisexuals be given a greater voice in discussing those or no?

question: do you think racism doesn't matter and only specific poc can speak on racism? poc all face systematic racism, but some of us face additional things at a systematic level. does that mean that those of us who dont face such things are irrelevant and shouldn't ever speak on racism? that their voices don't matter? that they have no place in speaking of their own experiences with racism? does it mean for what we face to have value, we must have a specific name for the racism we face and we need to specifically be treated differently on a systematic level from other poc on the basis of our race for our experiences to matter? like this is what im getting from your arguments right now.

Or, third option, is the message just that when it's assigned importance due to severity or relatability it can be considered homophobia, but if it's deemed unimportant then it's just biphobia? And motivations, context, and the victim are irrelevant to this? Wouldn't this just an implicit admission that bisexual trauma is just less important?

honestly its obvious you came into my inbox with a specific opinion and a desire to get me to hold that opinion. its obvious you think that only systematic oppression is something worthy of concern and if something isn't a systematic oppression then it means it doesn't matter. i don't know why you're treating oppression this way or why you think prejudices don't matter unless they're perpetuated at a higher and systematic level. theres plenty of experiences i face which are moreso prejudices rather than systematic oppression and ive never seen it as unimportant just because its not being perpetuated at a legal level, workplace level, healthcare level, etc but if thats how you feel then thats how you feel. i dont appreciate you projecting that onto me and writing paragraphs upon paragraphs basically attempting to overwhelm me with questions which are repetitive and completely based in your own biases and assumptions.

[its-afucking-mess]

A little guide on ao3 (by an ao3 user and writer)

Friendly reminder for mobile users! Ao3 is a website. It doesn't have (as far as im concerned) an official app for mobile, so better get comfy with using crome on your phone.

Some video links ill leave for people who prefer video and audio:

- navigating the fanfiction sites

- popular fandom terminology part 1 and part 2

- shipping etiquette

i really reccomend coley's videos if you want to get to know more fandoms, or get an inside look to how some stuff works. There also might be more vids about fandom's and fan works, so don't hesitate to look through some of her stuff!

the explaining under the 'read more' ao mutuals wont kill me :)

(also tagging @ethanesimp since they asked for this advice )

So, what is Ao3 really?

Ao3 is a website made by fans for fans. There are no ads, and all content is free on Ao3. Anyone can post (with some age restrictions) and they can post anything.

How can I browse Ao3?

Ao3 does not require an account to view stories. You can easily browse as an anonymous user. You just are not able to view certain works, as creators have the ability to show their works to registered users only. Some cases, commenting is possible while anonymous, but again, it's up to the creator of the work.

If you want to be a creator and share works, you need an account.

An account also gives you the ability to bookmark works, so you can re-visit them, mark works for later, keeps a history of the works you've visited and allows you to favourite tags.

How do I get an Ao3 account?

When you first open the site, it gives you the option to "Get Invited". An invitation will be sent to your email anywhere from 24hrs later to a week later, depending on the amount of people in the automated queue.

After the invitation, you are able to set up your account like any other social media account. Pick a username, pseuds (name), description and bio. You can have a profile picture as well.

How do I navigate the site?

There are few ways to do so efficiently, but there's countless of ways you can experiment with to find which is more comfortable.

1st option: As the website loads, you can go to the 'Fandoms' tag.

Then, after clicking on it, this column appears. Through there, you can pick which media your fandom is from and from there, browse the huge list of different fandoms until you spot your own.

The list is in alphabetical order, so if your fandom begins with an "C", it shouldn't be too far down.

2nd option: At the top right, under your profile, and the options 'Post' and 'Log Out' should be a white oval search bar.

(im using my own account for demonstration)

When searching, there are many ways to work around it.

Personally, I press search as it is. It will lead you to a page where all the fanworks of the site are listed. (i believe its easiest, but always feel free to experiment)

From there, you press the 'Edit Your Search' button, located near the top right.

It will then lead you to a page with multiple fields.

Don't panic when you see all the fields. Only half those are of interest when you want to browse works for a fandom.

The most important ones are those under the Field name 'Work Tags'

Whatever you select under this field will be included in the works the site presents you with.

What are the work tags? What do they do?

Lets go through the options.

Fandom(s): when typing on this option, multiple fandom names will autofill in a list under the white space. If your fandom shows up, you can just click on it.

example:

From there, you can select the fandom you want to see works from. If your fandom doesn't show up, it can mean one of two things:

-there are no works for it

-it isn't popular enough to be picked up by the algorithm

After selecting one fandom, you can select another fandom, or more, to see works that are crossovers over universes.

Ratings: Ratings are selected by author. It defines the level of maturity it has in the work

- General audiences is the tag you want to use when nothing bad happens in the work. No swearing, no sexual activities, no violence or gore. It wont contain scenes that minors are not allowed to see.

- Teen and up audiences is the tag used for most works on the site. It is what would be used when you have mentions of/vague sexual content or violence. Normally, the most extreme stuff on there is excessive swearing, heavy angst and hurt/comfort with no excessive details

- Mature is the tag that is for 18+. It is mostly filled with one of following : Violence, Sexual Content, Ab*se, R@pe, Death and SH.

Reader descretion is advised by looking at the additional tags the author has provided, especially for those with triggers.

- Explicit is like Mature, but contains more graphic content. Works rated explicit mostly fall under the 'Graphic depictions of sexual content', 'Graphic depictions of Violence and Gore' or 'Graphic depictions of Ab*se, R@pe, or Self H*rm

Reader descretion is advised, stronger than mature, since it can be much more triggering. The works are scarily detailed sometimes.

- Not rated: the author has not given this work a rating because none of the other ratings fit the work. Pay special attention to the tags.

Warnings: Also known as Archive warnings by older users. The trigger warnings of Ao3. There are 6 archive warnings:

-Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings: The author didn't use the warnings, either because none of them fit the work's theme and warnings, or to avoid spoiling the story. Pay attention to the tags for any warnings.

-Graphic Depictions Of Violence: It is pretty self explanatory. Can contain any sort of violence, from wars, to simple fights, to ab*se of any kind. Can and often contain death. The type of violence is in the tags.

-Major Character Death: A main character in the story will die in this work. Pay attention to the tags always. The name of the character will be mentioned, as well as the way they die.

-No Archive Warnings Apply: None of the warnings apply. It is most times a perfectly safe work. Check the tags to make sure though!

-R@pe/Non-Con: The work contains non-consensual activities. Ranges from non-consensua sex to non-consensual use and ab*se of substances. Very close attention to the tags!

-Underage: The main character(s) in this work are underage/minors. This is normally tagged along sexual content so be aware and pay close attention to the tags!

Categories: This regards the relationships in the work:

- M/M, or better known as mlm or a relationship between two non-woment (men mostly, can include characters under the non-binary umbrella)

- M/F, a heterosexual relationship (is inclusive of trans characters too!)

- F/F, or wlw, or a relationship between two non-men (women mostly, can include characters under the non-binary umbrella)

- Gen, no sexual or romantic relationships are in this work, or if there are any, they arent of main focus.

- Multi: Polyamorous relationships, or multiple relationships are included in this work (this is also where threesomes+ are tagged in sometimes)

- Other relationships: One of the two people in the relationship is non-human (mostly), or the relationships are platonic/family.

Characters: The characters you want to be included in the story. This works just like the 'Fandom' filter, so the same things apply. You can tag as many characters as desirable.

Relationships: The relationships that you want present in the work. This includes both major and minor relationships. It can also include ended relationships (tagged Past x/y) and implied/referenced relationships. This works just like the Characters and Fandom filter.

Additional Tags: These are things the author has included to give potential readers an insight to the story. 'Angst', 'Fluff' and 'Smut' are additional tags. Works like the Relationships filter, so all same applies.

Is there anything I have to avoid/ I should avoid?

There is this very infamous tag, 'Dead Dove: Do not eat.' This tag is a warining to readers that the things in the work are really messed up, and can include anything illegal in it. PAY VERY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE REST OF THE TAGS IF YOU STILL ARE INTERESTED.

How else can I filter works?

You can choose how they are:

sorted (Titles, Authors, Hits, Kudos, Comments, Bookmarks, and Best Match)

the word count (from 1 word to millions)

the language (most are on there)

the amount of chapters

if the work is complete of not

when it last updated/when was posted

and if there are crossovers.

These are all options that author has to include, and therefore you can sort freely. Most are bulletin options you can click on.

What if I want to find a specific work?

If you happen to know one of these: Author, Title, Fandom or Rating, you will find it. If you were reccomended one, it's better to ask for the author or the title, to make looking for it easier.

Can I find a specific author/ user?

People search is for finding users on the site

Bookmark search helps you look through other people's public bookmarks. Not really used.

Tag search finds works that include this specific tag you searched. Also not used a lot.

People can see my bookmarks?

When bookmarking a work, you are able to do a lot.

if you do not want your bookmarks to be visible to the public, make sure to check off the Private bookmark box at the bottom left.

Common terms thrown around by Ao3 users:

-tags: the additional tags of the work

-kudos: liking a story

-bookmarks: saving/saved stories. makes it easy to revist. you can see your bookmarks from your profile

-hits: the amount of people that have clicked on a story. Isn't necessary they liked it, but they did click on it.

And those are the basics! If you had to take one thing only, its ALWAYS READ TAGS

I hope this helped the clueless souls even a bit :)

Im open to reply to any other questions, and you can send me them in my asks, messages or comments of this post

[bi-kisses]

I was going through your discourse shortcut and noticed an issue. In your trans brain section, all the links are about whether sexed brains exist, whether trans brains are different than their natal sex, but your accompanying paragraph is all about proprioception. it's the jump i honestly struggle with most regarding all this. my opinion as of yet isn't really decided. i've noticed all sides make really big assumptions. in this case, it's that the differences in the brain then translate to a dysphoric feeling that can only be solved through transition. but that assumes 1. the differences in the brain are the reasons dysphoria developed rather than dysphoria causing those differences to develop 2. those differences affecting proprioception, despite rarely being in the part of the brain associated with that 3. that these are permanent (that kind of goes with #1— the brain changes w depression, 4 example) 4. that all people with this type of brain develop trans identity and seek medical transition (the sample is taken from trans people rather than from people with ___ brain type, it's a self fulfilling sample) 5. i've also just noticed studies tend to poorly control for hrt and sexuality 6. that all people with this brain type will benefit from transition

i was wondering your reasoning behind making those assumptions because i think they're certainly not insignificant and i think it's what i struggle with most when weighing the degree of this. because those questions all have a great impact on the permanence and absoluteness of this, which is the main thing you (general) use this as evidence of in the first place.

i believe sex affects the brains and all that, that's not what this is about. it's more about the assumptions people interpreting the studies and those doing the studies are making, as well as the methods and whether the sampling is truly representative. i know it's impossible to have a perfect study— i have all these questions because i'm going into a non human biology field and they just drill us on tearing apart this kind of thing all the time, no matter how much evidence there is (like climate change lol).

I'll talk about these as the numbered list followed by the other points, these are all good questions!

1. If the dysphoria causes the differences, I'd have to wonder what causes the dysphoria. In either case, the fact of the matter is that people with gender dysphoria have atypical neurology, and thats important because it shows there is a biological basis to what they're experiencing. We don't have (or really need) all the answers in that case and I've wondered the same myself a number of times.

2. This one is interesting because proprioception isn't centralized to one area of the brain, and mostly has to do with electrical nerve communications. I actually don't posit that the studies in the trans brain section have much to do with that part of the brain, they're more showing that there is a hormonally-influenced difference with the brain as a whole with or without HRT (I'll talk more about that later)

3. I think the kicker here for me is we've observed these neurological traits in young adults, middle aged trans people, and in the brains of deceased trans people. Take that how you will.

4. Oh I agree with you here, that if we only examine people who are trans and not those who solely have gender dysphoria, we haven't isolated gender dysphoria as a factor. But several studies linked in the spreadsheet I reference actually are gender dysphoria-specific and don't require any level of trans identification; just the dysphoria diagnosis. That being said, there are people who have gender dysphoria but choose not to transition for whatever reason and technically speaking (from a medical standpoint) they're trans as they possess the necessary attributes of transsexualism, but socially they aren't and that's their business. Kind of an aside there.

5. Some do, yes, but again I have posts that actually point to specific studies which do control for those things and mirror results of the more ambiguously-controlled ones.

6. See above, I don't think using the word "benefit" alone is enough to explain why transition is often the best method of treating GD. It can be beneficial to the dysphoria, but not the person as a whole due to a slew of other factors. And sometimes the fact that the changes are artificial don't help with the dysphoria in the first place. So I wouldn't say it's always the best option or always beneficial (I don't think I've ever said that but it is a common assumption)

So now on to why I harp on about proprioception so much; it's sort of explained in the shortcut, but I'll clarify specifically.

A big thing with trans people is phantom limb syndrome. Trans women not experiencing it after vaginoplasty, trans men experiencing it before phalloplasty, as the two biggest examples. We know for a fact that the brain often wires itself to expect certain characteristics, as shown with born-amputees still feeling PLS even though they never possessed the limb in the first place. It's a logical conclusion, with this information, that the reason one would feel at odds with their body has to do with the part of their mind that actually has to work with the layout of said body.

I won't lie and say I can prove this with a bunch of studies or anything, but I do believe this because it's what I've been told by neurologists (I've spoken to the people who run trans research personally in the past) and also what they themselves conclude with the information we're given.

I don't personally think it's a huge stretch but I understand the hesitance to share my confidence and I won't criticise or judge you for that.

So why use those studies if I don't even really think they play a role in gender dysphoria, you may wonder, and the truth is I don't really find that it matters. Whether or not we know the how and the why, we do know that for decades and decades trans men and women have consistently had these traits, with or without HRT and/or full transition. My resources more prove that there's no denying the biological nature of being trans, that to pretend it's some new phenomenon coming from ROGD or buying into dysmorphia too hard is ignorant at best. All the proprioceptive stuff is sort of the most likely theory we have but it's not the be-all-end-all for what makes someone trans. I'm excited to see what studies in the future reveal about all this, and as those who love science well know, happy to be proven wrong should it be the case.

[red-the-dragon-writes]

Today's post is not on the usual "writer blog fare" side. Instead I am going to introduce you to several fun facts about various animals on our planet and then talk about worldbuilding.

1. Lampreys are a kind of "living fossil"- a not-really-so-scientific term for a creature that has lived unchanged for a very long time, so long that we have fossils of them looking the same way they do now. They don't have proper jaws, just a circular sucking mouth with teeth set into it and a tongue designed to strip flesh off of what it touches. They're finless fish, look quite a bit like eels, and have this really alien, uncanny vibe to them.

[id: a long, slender bluish-silver lamprey sitting among rocks. It has a long snout, an eye, and then six small perforations in its side arranged at an even interval sitting behind the eye. The environment it is sitting in is very yellow and green in comparison. end id]

[id: an image of a lamprey from below. The snout ends in a round, flat mouth which is studded with teeth in four concentric circles. The teeth are smallest near the outer edge and largest in the middle, and look like very sharp round points. In the center of this ring is another, smaller circle, where the pointed, tooth-like tongue can be seen, as well as a hole for the lamprey to actually ingest food with. Its eye is visible, as are some of the perforations on its side. This one is a more mottled gray than the first one was, and less shiny. end id]

Sea lampreys, which are the kind i've sort of not really kinda researched, are a major pest in the Great Lakes, where they regularly attack fish. They can get up to two feet in length. Despite this, they are not particularly dangerous towards humans.

2. Horseshoe crabs are also "living fossils." They've been around and virtually unchanged for millions of years. They're not true crabs, and are more closely related to chelicerata species, like spiders and scorpions (and many more). There are a lot of cool features of horseshoe crabs, but one of their most extremely cool, to me, is their blood.

I'm not going to post any images of what I consider to be animal cruelty, so you'll have to take me at my word here, but this is a bottle of horseshoe crab blood. If you're sensitive to images of animal cruelty, I don't recommend looking for proof, but if you aren't, there are plenty of images of the blood coming out of the creature for you to verify this with.

E[id: a bottle of slightly frothy, opaque blue liquid. It is sitting in a row with several other bottles of the same material. end id]

I am a sucker for blue blood, I just think it's neat, so that's all I'd need as an excuse to slam some horseshoe-crab-inspired nonsense in my exceptionally gory and fucked up wips, and if you've been reading along with WiB you may have noticed that blue blood does come into play at some point! But that's not all that's neat about horseshoe crab blood. Unfortunately for the horseshoe crabs, but fortunately for us, their blood is literally the only source of an important compound used for detecting the presence of dangerous bacteria in certain pharmaceutical drugs. (Fortunately, there are replacements that will hopefully become more popular in coming years.)

Now that we've gone over all that, onto the worldbuilding!

I worldbuild by Rule of Cool. Let's just get that out of the way. Every so often people will ask me how my worlds get so expansive (not WiB, WiB i made up on the fly by cribbing from fanfic and like... BBC Merlin. Assume very little of this holds true for WiB) and the answer is largely that I take every interest I have ever had in anything and smash it all together and throw it at my wip to see what sticks. and then I just... like... reasonably attempt to figure out what the natural conclusions will be.

So: we have lampreys. We have blue-blooded ancient sea creatures with spectacularly important and valueable blood. We are writing this into a story that takes place on land, somehow.

- The first option, and the one I'm going to talk about most because I did it, is just to rule-of-cool it into a character. (Or a place, or an item, or whatever, but largely I do rule-of-cool on living creatures and think harder about the world around them.) If you've been keeping up with WiB, you may have noticed that (spoilers) Zero Point is some kind of fucked up magician with a lamprey mouth in their hand who shapeshifts and bleeds blue. This is where I got those inspirations from (along with, like, some other stuff. I promise there are no lamprey assassins, but- continuing in the trend of stealing from sea creatures- the bobbin worm is a spectacularly beautiful, spectacularly deadly creature if you're within its weight range. which is like, goldfish size, but. And cuttlefish are known to disguise themselves as other animals, and can change sexes if the male:female ratio where they are isn't ideal.)

So you can take the elements you like, and just kind of slam them together haphazardly, which is what I did with Zero Point. The trick to this kind of worldbuilding is just to avoid looking too closely at it. The magical assassin has a fucked up mouth in their hand? Yeah, okay, that seems kind of fucked up and creepy. What do they do at all times? They hide it under a glove. So the protags Just Straight Up Never Ask. And voila; it never gets explained, and it never has to.

Same with the blue blood. It shows up, it functions as a plot device because only Zero Point has blue blood; it is never explained or even delved into with much detail. And if it were, it would fall apart instantly, because the justification is literally just "i thought it was neat. No, no one else is like that. I don't even know why they are. i just felt like it"

- The second option is to consider the effects of the things that you're working with, and then work off of that.

Let's take Zero Point again. Strip them of their context (weird assassin with magical powers) and just like, consider the fact that this is a creature with blood that regularly retails for over $10,000 USD, is intelligent as fuck, shapeshifts, has a mouth in their hand that may or may not be their actual mouth, and can exist on land so long as they have suitable access to water. What does that mean for our setting? Surely they're not the only person like that; so you have a whole species of people who are sort of but not really amphibious, shapeshift, and maybe have magical powers, who knows. They can't shapeshift their fucked up lamprey mouths, maybe. That seems like a reasonable limit. So their blood is highly valuable- what does that mean for their relations with other people, or their culture? What kind of foods do they eat? How do they create a sense of culture as shapeshifters; is there even a way that they represent themselves in art? How do they interact with the world? Do they have a "true form" or not? Every one of these questions will spawn new questions. If you answer all of them you'll lose your mind, but if you answer at least ten you'll spawn a much more background-heavy world that can help to shape your story much more effectively than trying to just craft a narrative will. Sometimes it works very well for a story. Sometimes it gets you lost in the weeds.

- The third option is to reference something else, and build off that. Again, let's use Zero Point as the example.

In the original story that the WiB ensemble is from, Closerverse, which may have some mentions on this blog but honestly I have no idea, there is a city that I've done quite a bit of worldbuilding on. This city is called Hudson, and one of the major important features of it is that it is partially underground. (This is a reference to the DFZ of Rachel Aaron's Heartstrikers series). Hudson is intentionally run to be the worst, most unpleasant city in the world, and one of its features are its wildly intelligent, dangerous forms of aquatic life. The lowest level of this city is partially submerged, and all of these creatures plague the people who live down there.

Closerverse was also set during a period of early industrialization, and Hudson heavily referenced US history, especially 1900s-1920s labor history. Tenements, pollution, zero protections for workers, et cetera. Hudson is a nasty, miserable place, and everyone who lives there can feel the jaws closing in on them.

Anyway, in Closerverse you got these fucked up massive eel-like creatures (lampreys, but with extra features) that due to some rather significant meddling wound up growing legs and then got really massive and started eating people. They have blue blood, glow in the dark, and make fairly decent eating as long as they aren't eating you. And they're intelligent. Given the whole "mutual eating each other" thing, the eels and the people of Hudson have some pretty major animosity going on.

Most of Zero Point's stuff is really just me referencing the Hudson Eels, because I fucking love those. They're some of my favorite worldbuilding elements ever. But given that no one else in WiB has ever seen a Hudson Eel, let alone seen their blood get dry on things, or whatever, everything about Zero Point is wildly out of context. And that almost makes it better, because the whole deal with them is that they're mysterious and weird, and having them be a mysterious and weird reference to something no one but I know about most likely is like, fun and neat.

There are, of course, other modes of worldbuilding as well, but I typically aim to stick to the first two as much as possible. The cooler you make something, the more possible questions it raises; the more questions something raises, the deeper your world gets.

Although, a word of advice: sometimes animals just do things. Sometimes bodies just have features. Who would invent fingernails? But having them is mighty convenient, isn't it? For that matter, who would come up with a deeply logical and reasoned explanation for eyebrows- but not having those would be very strange, to us. You can get away with doing a lot by just having that be how it is, and not having the characters comment on it.

Also, the more "shaped" a thing should be, the more you'll want to take the second approach. For house design, something intentionally built, you'll want to know why it was built, and what purpose is this and that room, and why is it painted such and such colors. But if you're talking about adding a second moon, like... fuck dude, who needs to know why there's a second moon? Maybe if you have sailors you have to know what it'll do to your oceans, but that's the kind of thing you can kind of just say exists and move on. You'll figure it out; it gets pretty intuitive.

Anyway, happy worldbuilding!

[alligaytorrr-official]

You'll never guess who's venting on main because it needs the validation that comes from having one's pain witnessed

It has been so long and still it hasn't stopped hurting to have lost a friend who was important to me, who I loved so much, over misinterpretations of words I didn't even say to her, construed so negatively as to take my meaning as more or less the exact opposite of what I was actually saying in some cases. Words that I was wrong to make public, but that I attempted to keep vague to the vast majority of anyone seeing them, that I attempted to prevent from reaching her, and which may not ever have but for the one mutual friend I trusted with my venting, who had encouraged me to trust him, told me he was comfortable in that position, choosing to share this sensitive writing with her against my wishes.

And sure, it's one thing to share someone's words if they say something really despicable. But that's why I've turned to so many people to gather more perspectives, every single one of whom has given the same conclusion that everything I said was normal to feel, understandable to need to vent. All it would have taken from that one friend was to caution me about what platform I was using to satisfy that need to vent, and not one person would have been hurt. I can't understand why he chose the option that instead could hurt the most people. And though people have acknowledged that it was unwise on my part to make such thoughts public, it certainly doesn't seem like so grave an offense as to deserve complete ostracization, to never be spoken to again, in the eyes of a single person I've received input from.

I do also know that that wasn't the sole reason, yet every other reason I was given doesn't hold up. I have checked and double checked and triple checked with people, and not only have people correctly understood what I meant in the first place, every explanation I've presented as counter to the claims made against me has been confirmed as sound. Why was I told "it isn't something you can explain away" when the things I was being accused of weren't even accurate? Of course I can explain them away if they're wrong! I can't comprehend how so many people have assessed things in the exact same way, but the three people at the center of this could be so certain of their beliefs as to entirely refuse me the opportunity to clarify the situation. It is so frustrating to be so confused. I was confused the night it all happened, and all I have received since is assurance that that confusion was and is warranted.

I have to accept that people who mattered very much to me, who up until the very day they were shown the things I'd posted were on good terms with me, immediately turned their opinions around and resolved to deny any possibility that their assumptions were incorrect - and they were! I loved my ex because she had shown herself to be such a kind and compassionate person, and now it's assumed my only interest was her appearance. I tried so hard to improve my mental health and be as good of a partner as I could be for her - knowing I wanted to ask her out and wanting to be a good partner was part of what motivated me to commit to therapy, my concerns about our relationship helped inform the direction of the skills I worked on, and realizing therapy alone wasn't enough for me to be as healthy as I needed to be for our relationship to work is why I finally sucked it up and went on meds - and now it's assumed all I ever wanted from her was sex, which would be an awfully meager reason for all of that work. I loved and trusted my metamour and struggled so much with paranoia I felt towards them, yet tried hard and succeeded at overcoming it, which they knew because I spoke to them directly to clear up my lingering fears months prior to this situation, and now it's assumed that all along I had thought they were a scheming liar, and it's denied that I was ever upfront with them in spite of that conversation. I was afraid of how it would hurt if my metamour became uncomfortable with polyamory and my ex chose to prioritize their relationship over ours as had happened once before, reasonable as it would be, and now it's assumed that I accused my metamour of making her do it, that it wasn't done of her own volition. I worried about stepping on their relationship if I spent too much time with my ex, which my metamour was so understanding and encouraging about, and now it's assumed I believed, and hated, that they took up all of her time. I adored that I got to share my love for my ex with someone I was so glad to have as a friend, even if I sometimes feared if it was right for me, even if I had discomfort around how much more love my ex seemed to express for them, and now it's assumed that it was not discomfort and uncertainty, but hatred for the fact that they were together, even after I had previously told my ex that that wasn't the case. And I was told that I had always made her feel like I only cared about her looks, despite the many assurances she gave that she was happy to be with me and had no qualms with our relationship.

It's like it was all plucked from an alternate dimension. I don't understand it. I can't understand it. I've tried. I've gone back and forth and back and forth, blaming myself for everything, resigning to the belief that they're right and that I was just blind to how terrible I was, and that I've only fooled everyone else into assuring me otherwise. But. It's concrete evidence. I can only hope I've been as objective as possible in other areas, but people have seen the conversation that laid out what it was claimed I had done, and seen the posts that were deemed so offensive. Not one person can make any more sense of it than I can. Surely, occam's razor would suggest that the wide range of opinions I gathered are most likely sound and the friends I lost simply so convinced of their misassumptions, than that I lied to them and myself for months, am so masterfully manipulative as to have fooled people into taking my side - by showing them hard evidence from which to make their judgments - and that the incessant confusion and search for a way to make sense of the experience is no more than me refusing to accept the truth that I am in fact a terrible person who deserved what I got.

And of course, people are entitled to their feelings. Though I did call out my own paranoia as I did it, I expressed a lot of anger towards my metamour and it would be understandable to be hurt. Though I deliberately distanced myself after our breakup for the specific purpose of preventing myself from expressing such feelings to her, the longing I felt towards my ex at that time was very intense and it would be understandable to be uncomfortable. And if ending their friendships with me was the course of action that was right for them, I can't argue otherwise. But it feels so very extreme, so disproportionate to me and every person I've spoken to. So hard to believe that that could be it. I was reckless in how I expressed my emotions, but it was someone else's choice to knowingly share my words outside their intended audience that resulted in my ex and metamour getting hurt. There's nothing wrong with having and venting emotions and I rightly discerned when I was not ready to express them directly. So why was all the blame placed entirely on me? But additionally, beyond the factual possible transgressions, the bulk of what was treated as justification was outright false. Some of it in direct contradiction to conversations we had already had. So why were they so, so completely determined not to let me speak the truth? They cut me out of their lives entirely, my ex doing it even without any explanation from her. After criticizing my choice to express my emotions about them vaguely to an audience of strangers to them, minus that one mutual friend - and there's nothing wrong with trusting one friend to listen - they quietly spread the assumptions they had made throughout our social circle, as if they were fact. Overnight I lost all of them. Entitled to their emotions and to make their own choices about the relationships they wanted with me based on factual information, they are. To build a narrative off misinformation, refuse to confirm their beliefs, and pass on that narrative to the end that I was isolated like that? To inflict such an incredible amount of pain without ever trying to address your concerns head on? I don't know that I will ever understand how they could do it. Certainly, I cannot understand living with the decision.

And so here I am, ten entire months later, still finding the time to be upset. Of course it would come so strongly now - how could I enjoy the excitement of my favorite artist dropping a surprise ska album yesterday without thinking of how much I miss the person I would have loved most to share that excitement with? Surely some people would have written them all off by now, knowing they chose to do what they did and stand by it. I simply believe too fiercely in the best in people to resign myself to that. I've made attempts to right things that went unanswered, and still I find the belief unshakeable, that there is some prefect way to explain this that could wash it all into our pasts. And so I sit with the feelings of powerlessness, frustration, confusion, with this ostensibly foolish hope that a day will come when we can resolve this, together. It feels so certain that such an extreme response could only have been justifiable to them on the basis that I said and felt these things I know I didn't, and all it would take to fix it all would be to actually be heard. And granted, I already attempted as much with my metamour and it was not met receptively. But I never had that opportunity with my ex, and maybe I'm simply giving her too much credit, but I can't keep myself from believing that this is so out of character for her that there must be a way to put things right. I struggle to at times, but I know at this point I have every reason to trust my assessments, having poured so much effort over so long into examining every possible angle to this situation. Which I'm sure may be unwarranted in some people's minds. But how could I not? Is it not human to try desperately to make sense of that which is beyond our understanding? Certainly the simpler route would indeed be writing them off. I'd rather take the harder route if it's the one that offers more compassion and grace to everyone involved. The unfortunate thing is that knowing them and the experiences they've had in their lives, I really would have expected the same from them. And I guess that's really the key to it in the end. I will take that harder route every time that I can. I can't understand why anyone wouldn't do that for someone they loved. It's only natural then, I suppose, that I'm left hurting so much even now. I just wish I mattered enough to them to set things right.

And, yes, I do recognize the irony in venting publicly about a matter that was predicated on taking issue with me venting publicly. But while I've learned to be more discerning about what I say and where, I have no qualms expressing things I'd readily say to someone directly. In all honesty, I'd rather like if they read it, hoping it could have an impact.

[onlyfangz]

I don't understand what you said about losing points for changing gender in that Cyberpunk game? Maybe it's cause I can count the number of video games I've played on one hand. Like how did that news even come out? Isn't the game like months away? I honestly think I'm just missing something cause I don't keep up. Sorry.

Cyberpunk 2077 is based off of the table-top game Cyberpunk. In the game you have “humanity points” and if you lose too many of these points you are taken over by “cyberpsychosis” (which in and of itself is a problematic term come to think of it), and the Game Master takes over your character.

Undergoing a sex change loses you these “humanity points”. Do I really need to explain why that’s fucking horrible?

The people who are developing Cyberpunk 2077 are skirting around this issue because a lot of the “fans” of the game are saying some really horrible shit towards and about the transgender community. You can imagine. It’s important for companies that create entertainment to do the hard thing anyway, but they wouldn’t, because it would cause too much of a backlash with their transphobic fans (which is... a lot.)

Now you can say that this is all up in the air about what they’re going to do about this particular issue, but please, before you pass judgement, note that in our Lord’s year of 2019, the Cyberpunk 2077 twitter made a “did you assume their gender?” joke. Which. Hold on for a second. Let me remind everyone that this isn’t just some dude in a basement. This is a Company.

They deleted the tweet and made the most half-assed apology I’ve ever seen (that amounted to -- “sorry if you were offended.”) But the whole section underneath is filled with such violent, hateful transphobia, and when you see one person saying that yeah, it was kind of fucked up, they get dogpiled. Did Cyberpunk 2077′s twitter say anything about this? Did they fuck.

You don’t get to be passive on social issues when it includes real groups of people. You’re either an ally, or you’re a bigot’s friend, and a bigot’s friend is a bigot themselves.

Cyberpunk’s history, plus this transphobic tweet, and adding a dash of silence about their userbases’ transphobia just kind of stirs up into one big pile of shit.

Now, moving onto Keanu. I love Keanu Reeves as much as any other gay -- I mean it, I think he’s swell, -- but we can’t ignore the fact that when non-binary actor Asia Kate Dillon was set to play explicitly non-binary character "The Adjudicator” in John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum, everyone immediately patted Keanu on the back for doing the bare minimum (using the correct pronouns for them), and didn’t even mention AKD’s goshdang name until someone brought it up, and now everyone is ignoring C2077′s transphobic past, present, and possible future because Keanu is in it. And I’m not saying that’s Keanu’s -- or Keanu’s fans (of which I know many trans people are) -- to blame, because sure! It’s exciting without this context! But once you’re In The Know, I don’t know how you can really be... excited anymore.

I’m not saying boycott the game, I’m not saying harass people who’re excited about it -- (I always say, fair do’s if you didn’t know, because one of my pet peeves are people angrily assuming everyone is just ignoring the issue when it’s more likely they have no context/didn’t know at all) -- but we need to be aware of it, and we need to speak up about it, because otherwise the devs relax and think that they can get away with casual transphobia because their fanbase is behind them, and that fanbase just gets bolder. 

Think a while down the line, a visibly trans person is at a con and they’re wearing C2077′s merch or dressed as one of the characters. What’ll happen to them? What happens when a trans person tries to join in the community and talk about the game? 

Passively allowing violence to happen in your community is violent in and off itself, C2077 need to put an end to it, and add the option for gender fluidity into the game without making trans people out to be subhuman. 

We need the option to be trans as a given in gaming rather than a Special Thing for Special Games, and a game as big as C2077 is an ideal place to start.

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on Lazy Writing, aka "Look Look, We Got You An Asian Woman LI, Now Give Us A Medal Just For Making Her Exist".

• Yep. This is not going to be about Chapter 15. I don't think Chapter 15 is worth a fucking QT post. It does not deserve it, this book doesn't deserve it, this team does not deserve it, I'm not giving it one.

• This chapter is basically part-resolution-of-Hana's-arc and part-sex-scene-on-the-balcony. I'll probably write about the balcony scene when I resume writing essays. But as of now...I'm going to write about Hana. At least that way she'll get the focus that she deserves, and that PB is so unwilling to give her 😡 So if you think I've whined too much about Hana Lee, my dear readers, let me tell you this: you ain't seen nothing yet. Leave now while you can if Hana-rants aren't your thing.

• Basically - since I'm not going to do the usual chapter walkthrough this QT - I'll summarize what happens. Xinghai and Lorelai insist on taking away Hana's belongings despite protests from Hana and the MC. There is a diamond option to help her retrieve her black embroidered cheongsam, which is more precious to her than anything else because it holds memories of her grandmother. Afterwards you get ready for the lantern festival and spend majority of the chapter trying to get Hana's parents to give a positive statement, and eventually figure out that Rashad is the key to this. You convince him to accept Xinghai's proposal, Lorelai and Xinghai openly support you and make a half assed apology to Hana, everyone is happy and telling each other their wishes, and the diamond option to scandalize the entire country (...or not. You can go to the bedroom instead lol) with your LI pops up. It ends with Maxwell getting excited about hosting your bachelorette in Las Vegas (somehow I have a feeling the TRR writers never read RoE Book 2).

• Yep that's it. There really is nothing worth writing about in this chapter, because they didn't bother to nail the most important part of it: and that is Hana's story.

• That's all I'm going to talk about today. Hana.

• Hana. Hana. Hana Hana. Hana Hana Hana. HanaHanaHanaHanaHanaHana.

• Did I mention Hana?

• Title: Light the Night. Which is straightforward, it's a festival dedicated to lanterns and takes place around nighttime. Though IMO the title should really have been: The Number of Fucks Given About Hana Lee By Her Own Writers Is Equal To The Number of Times Anton Severus Makes An Appearance In This Chapter

•

...I just had to slip that in somewhere since there is no way I can ever make this statement unironically IRL 😢

•

This is the first of many statements Hana's parents make about her inability to survive on her own. She is a "delicate flower" that requires watchful care and tending, and the MC is the "weed", the kind that doesn't fit in - but also the kind that is tough and resilient and can survive all manners of things, that depends on itself. Lorelai's argument is that without them, or without a partner that meets their approval, Hana will have very few skills to take care of herself (whose fault is that, I wonder!)

This is something Hana is aware of, and has been highlighting on the few occasions that the people who right her remember that she is meant to be a well-rounded character (which isn't often). She has spoken about not knowing how to live without her parents (Book 2 Chapter 2), how she doesn't know if her skills will help her in the real world (Book 3 Chapter 5), how she isn't even aware who she is (Book 2 Chapter 9). Her character arc was meant to be about learning what her parents neglected to teach her in their mad rush to make her the perfect aristocratic wife, the perfect hostess. Except that, unfortunately, these narrative threads were picked up in fits and starts: implied at and alluded to but never satisfactorily explored.

I will come back to punch holes in Lorelai's arguments (echoed by Xinghai at the festival) later.

•

On the surface this looks like a nice story? It harks back to a dress we've seen before (the black-red-gold cheongsam she'd shown us in Shanghai, alongside a dress she'd made specially for us. She also wears it when she proposes to the MC in case she's the one you declare your love to), something we know she made and is important to her, and tells us more about her youth (the dress seems to have been made when she was "of age", since those measurements perfectly fit an adult Hana) and her family in China. But I have two major problems with this:

1. How many chapters has it been since this book started? 19 chapters in Book 1, another 19 in Book 2 and 15 at present. That makes it 53 whooping chapters.

FIFTY THREE CHAPTERS AND WE LEARN ABOUT HANA'S GRANDMOTHER, SOMEONE SHE WAS IMMENSELY CLOSE TO, ONLY NOW??? IT TAKES US FIFTY THREE FUCKING CHAPTERS FOR US TO GAIN ACCESS TO THIS PIECE OF PERSONAL HISTORY????

2. The second major problem lies in the scene itself. I'll get there.

• So I'll start first with the main components of this scene:

1. The MC and Hana choose an accomplice (Maxwell/Olivia).

2. The accomplice distracts Lorelai

3. Hana distracts an attendant while the MC grabs the dress, but not before almost getting caught by another attendant. They make a run for it and find themselves in a secret hideout.

4. Hana changes into her dress and is happy. If you're marrying her, this is where she and the MC kiss. But besides this there's very little distinction between how this scene plays out if you're her friend versus if you're her fiancée.

•

The Olivia option of the Lorelai-distracting-segment is perhaps my favourite moment in the scene and the only reason it could be even remotely worth playing. Not just for Olivia herself, but also as a reminder that while Hana and Olivia have made their peace with each other and know each others' strengths, they will never actually like each other...and that's okay. Olivia reverts to her bitchy Book 1 persona, hinting at Hana's failed engagement with Lord Peter and casting her in a less favourable light, and I especially love that Hana lets her emotions take over here. There's always been a palpable tension between the two (and often Olivia is the one more open about it, while Hana usually prefers to display diplomacy instead) and this is one of the few times Hana gets to be anything other than neutral or cheerful. She doesn't like what Olivia said, and she makes it clear at least to the MC.

•

Hana Lee, Queen of Awkward Flirting xD xD

• We take a turn that almost lands us in a room where Lorelai is still talking, narrowly escape the attendant chasing us to finally find ourselves in a secret passage with a hole in the wall, from where you could easy watch the sunset.

• Hana changes into her cheongsam.

Very pretty. Lots of flowers and butterflies form the patterning of this dress.

• Now this was the point where I thought we'd learn more about this dress. Or about her grandmother. Or about her life in Shanghai. SOMETHING.

• But no. We get a brief conversation about how hurt Hana is that her mother is intent on disowning her, and the MC convincing her she is stronger than she believes herself to be. Which is nice, but it sounds like a repeat of what's been said before.

• Do you remember that one diamond scene option in The Sophomore where the MC get to to grab Natasha's Loose Pins posters so she can't sabotage Kaitlyn's band? I liked it, it was funny and I liked the thrill of the chase in that scene. And that was exactly the focus of that scene: the chase. Kaitlyn had other scenes focusing on her equation with the band, her trust issues post Gutter Kittens and how she has learned from her mistakes since TF Book 3. It made sense to have a funny, silly scene that revolved not around Kaitlyn but around that chase instead.

Well, that's exactly the focus of this scene. The chase! The fact that time was running out! The wild rush to grab that cheongsam before Hana's mother could catch her! That's exactly all this scene was meant to be and that's exactly how it was written.

But there's a huge difference here. Hana is not Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn's arc about her sexuality and about her coming out was highlighted in detail. She was given subplots that made it clear how complicated a journey it was for her and she has a canon sexuality openly addressed in the books. Hell, TF Book 2 has her scream "I'M GAY" in a crowded bar to her childhood friend Arjun!

Kaitlyn is allowed to be a well-rounded, imperfect person, who trusts the wrong people and suffers the consequences in such a way that it reflects on her self-esteem in the next few books. She had plenty of scenes exploring all these aspects of her journey, so a funny, light scene like this one works in the larger context of Kaitlyn's story.

But this scene - for Hana - was supposed to be the culmination of her entire journey. You hear that? Her entire journey! It was supposed to be the point where she made it clear to both her parents that this was who she was and this was the life she preferred to live, take it or leave it. This scene was supposed to be a watershed moment for her, and this is what it comes to? A scene where Hana isn't even the focus? Where her story, her journey isn't even the focus??

• The grandmother story irks me to no end for another reason too. It was clearly not meant to be development for Hana. If it were, there would have been more in the diamond scene itself. They would have spent the secret hideout scene on a thorough exploration of Hana and her childhood, her growing up, what this woman was like. If it really were meant as development, we wouldn't be hearing about this grandmother now at the very end.

No. That little tidbit about Hana's grandmother was bait. It's fairly obvious that most of us who love her character are literally starved for information about her compared to, say, Drake and Liam (Maxwell isn't exactly treated all that well either). So they push in this little story so that her fans can buy this scene that isn't even worth two diamonds, forget fifteen.

• So now we've got Hana's cheongsam, that she can now wear to the lantern festival (for a girl who knows how to sew, and sew beautifully, Hana has remarkably few outfits of her own) it's time for us to get ready. In some glittery beaded blue number.

Is it just me or does the art team for TRR have a thing for armbands?

• So the main problem now is to reach out to, and convince, Hana's parents before they make their final statements to the press.

• Penelope and Kiara love the festival, Olivia and Madeleine don't altogether hate it. Yay?

• Kiara is the only one among the court ladies whose wishes we hear, which is a nice touch considering she's always been the one given the least attention in the books. The lantern rituals are apparently both about letting go of things that are holding you back in your life, and making wishes for the future. Kiara is letting go of her doubts and her fears for this tour, and wishing speed in her learning of Icelandic. Hakim uses his wish to speak about work, and he's not the only one. Rashad needs help with getting a deal finalized for the Sloan firm too!

• We now move to Xinghai and try to convince him, but it only leads to a realization that Hana's parents still want to secure a match for her with the two men she'd firmly stated she had no interest in. This is nothing new, but this argument of Xinghai - also something Lorelai stated earlier - is something I want to expand on:

1. I'm incredibly familiar with the first argument. I've had a largely restrictive childhood under a very traditional Indian family dynamic (your parents are close to God so obey them), and didn't have much opportunity to mingle outside my home. As I grew older my father began to get increasingly frustrated that I was "glued to your mother's dupatta" (scarf) and not independent enough. And he said this genuinely, unironically. It never occurred to either of my parents that they'd created an environment that made it hard for me to actually make my own decisions without feeling like I was doing something wrong.

Xinghai and Lorelai are right to some extent: I mean, Hana herself on certain occasions has questioned how useful her skills are in the real world, in a Cordonia that needs her to be decisive and firm. But that didn't happen in a vacuum, did it? Both of them leave out (or in fact, don't even recognize) a significant truth about Hana's lack of independence - they were, to a large extent, responsible for it. She is dependent because they brought her up that way. Because they never gave her space to work things out on her own and the one time she demanded that space, they viewed it as an insult rather than actually give her that chance. The moment you place that much pressure and those many restrictions on a child, you've lost the right to talk about her lack of independence as if it's something that is a part of her. It isn't. You put her in that position. Tbh, it irks me that Xinghai and Lorelai genuinely don't see the irony in their statements.

What Hana had was an immensely restrictive childhood, and perhaps if she didn't have the friend circle in Cordonia that she did, she would have struggled. Her kind of upbringing doesn't allow for real world skills (something Lorelai views as a negative when she says "people wouldn't have to be resilient if they stayed in their place to begin with") and she's never been allowed to view even her own personal feelings as a good thing! This goes beyond "taking responsibility for one's past and future". She's never been allowed a responsibility that doesn't involve her being forced into matches she has had zero interest in, and that seem to have higher benefits for her family than they do for her.

All in all, Hana's skills do not fully equip her for independent living, sure, but they both overlook their own role in her eventual inability to adjust if it comes to that.

2. What Xinghai says about trust going both ways. He misses the fact that she already did. She trusted them completely and did everything they told her to, often to her own detriment. The engagement to Lord Peter? That's the perfect example of this. It wasn't her fault that the match broke: she followed through with it no matter how uninterested she was in the man, to the point where when he asked her if she really loved him she couldn't open up and tell him how she really felt. Yet she was viewed as responsible for the breaking of that match - for doing everything she was expected to do - and left Shanghai viewing herself as a failure.

She's spent years trusting them, spent most of her young life perceiving their worldview as correct and wanting to do right by them! She's gone above and beyond when it comes to trusting and respecting her parents' judgement! Even at the cost of her own happiness! There is only so much any human being can take before they realize how messed up this manner of bringing a child up is.

But guess what. None of this is actually addressed properly in the book, because we never get a real insight into Hana's upbringing and the effect it has had on his with any kind of nuance.

• After Xinghai and Lorelai tell us that what they're planning for Hana is for her own good, and imply that either Neville (the man is still around, yes) or Rashad can prove to be advantageous for her and moreso for their family and business. Hana and the MC briefly agonize over this, and if the MC correctly names the firm that Rashad wants as a client (IDK what happens if she doesn't - TBH I was sleepwalking through this chapter and wasn't interested in seeing what the alternative was this time. Sorry guys) they work on convincing him to work with Xinghai in exchange for introducing him to a contact in this firm.

• The MC first gets to choose what she will let go of, then chooses what she wishes for. Once this is done, Hana's mother makes a statement in support of the MC, having spoken to Rashad and suddenly realizing that their daughter can thrive without their handholding. Emotional family reunion. Everyone is happy. Lorelai apologizes and Xinghai reveals his wish for Hana to be happy. The end.

• There you go guys. This is how it ends. That's the conclusion of Hana's entire character arc. The culmination of a journey that lasted three whole books involving Hana fighting to create an identity for herself...ends in her parents realizing she's useful on her own after all. After all this time, after so much conflict and stress and confusion...it all boils down to her parents still seeing her more as an asset than as a daughter.

Awesome message, TRR, awesome message. Now give me a moment while I vomit.

Allow me to elaborate. She is still worthy only if she facilitates Xinghai's deal with Rashad's firm, if they manage to gain an advantage even minus her alliance with a titled man. There is no real change. Not in Hana, not in her parents, not in their relationship. This conclusion is superficial and is a horrifically weak way to end Hana's overall arc.

• To sum up the rest of the chapter before I give you a broader insight into why this chapter pissed me off so much...there is an LI diamond scene and then Maxwell announces a bachelorette party in Vegas (why aren't they doing that in Cordonia? Cordonia clearly has a gambling hub and a pretty famous casino if one were to recall RoE).

• The LI diamond scenes are quite sweet - all the LIs get to speak about family and having children - and there is a lot of sweetness and tenderness in all of them from what I've seen of the screenshots. Had this chapter not ruined this book for me, I would probably appreciate it better? In any case, I might do a four-LI-breakdown-essay of this scene once I feel up to it. I'll be doing the same for the LI scenes at the Capitol, Lythikos and Valtoria. Eventually.

• The Hana-specific scenes in this book, however...I think I'll pass. We have had just three so far: Polo Playing at Portavira, Snow Angel Making at Lythikos and Hana's Cheongsam here at Valtoria. None of these scenes possess any depth or nuance, none of them say much about Hana that hasn't already been said, each of them are pale echoes of the scenes we have seen Liam and Drake getting. If you're going to give an LI three individual scenes in 15 chapters of a book, those scenes had better be excellent, detailed and nuanced in their characterization. If you're not ready to give us that...then what's the point, team TRR??? You could have either given us more scenes with tiny but substantial tidbits, or less scenes but with bigger opportunities to know her better. But something tells me that you don't care enough about this character or your LGBTQ audience enough to actually do the work.

• And this problem isn't restricted to Book 3 alone. Hana has been subject to lazy writing since Book 2. The groundwork laid for Hana in Book 1 was really good...but that's all it was: basic groundwork. No Hana stan should have to pat you in the back for laying a good foundation for that character, not when the other two established LIs had just as solid a foundation PLUS excellent buildup in subsequent books. And no Hana stan should have to thank you now for throwing only scraps their way.

• Hana's foundations in Book 1 lay in two areas: her sexuality and her complicated relationship with her family. Hers was the classic coming-out-of-the-closet story, and it was heavily implied that she was never really given the space to view herself as anything but "straight", that she'd been pressurized into pursuing men, that the experience of falling for the MC itself was immensely confusing for her (in her first confession scene, she couldn't even articulate her feelings - that was how confusing this experience was).

But her sexuality is hardly ever directly touched upon in the books beyond that (beyond a botched Facebook response from a Pixelberry employee who dubbed her as "bi if she is pursuing you and straight if she is pursuing the Prince" like WTF - and a post from one of the writers stating that the team sees her as "bisexual...but that is something she is still figuring out". However the books never really touches on this the way they did for Kaitlyn, and they really, really should have. They should have established her sexuality in no uncertain terms within canon).

However she identifies herself, Hana's struggles would still be important and valid, and she would still have major issues coming out to herself and her family. In this recent chapter, Lorelai's issues are aired as a class issue rather than on the level of sexuality, which is contradicted by the very fact that Hana was pushed to pursue men, make herself desirable to eligible men, assumed by her parents to only have an interest in men. Not only does canon tell us very little about her parents' views on her sexuality, they don't openly voice what she identifies as!

• Book 1, in fact, is the only book they seemed to have put in some effort, but as I have maintained earlier, I refuse to give them credit for that because what you give in the first book is the foundation of the character. It can only come to life if you build on that foundation in the next book, and the next. But Book 2? Lazy writing from the start. The revelation that Liam - not Madeleine - was responsible for Hana's return came from Drake's scene, not hers. In Italy when Liam and Drake had amazing character and background building scenes, Hana was stuck with scenes that were barely about her. At the beginning of the Paris chapters, she got one of the most lackluster scenes in the entire book (the fashion runway with Penelope). I suppose there must have been some backlash because they brought out two good scenes in the Paris section - the Patisserie scene and the Library scene, only to treat her later like a persona non grata in Shanghai. SHANGHAI. HANA'S OWN HOME.

• This point is incredibly important, because Shanghai was the only place that was home to an LI. The narrative at this place should have been centered around her. The stories and love legends should have been told by her. Her background should have been receiving focus like never before but it didn't. Shanghai only lasted two chapters (as opposed to Capri's 3 and Paris' 4) and neither of those chapters gave her enough focus besides the confrontation with Xinghai. The panda reserve scene revolved around Liam. The night market scene focused on the mending of Drake and Maxwell's relationship with Hana functioning as a mere mediator. Liam was the one who got to give us the lovely dragon koi legend, not Hana who actually lived in China. Hana's only diamond scene in Shanghai focused less on her and more on the trip to NY - and she didn't even appear in the first chapter in that city!! (the writers later came up with the excuse that Hana was emotionally drained after her confrontation with her parents...except that NOBODY in the story - not even the MC - gave a flying fuck about where or how she was or why she wasn't there).

• I bring up Book 2 mainly because it's important for us to understand that what the writers have been doing with Hana isn't just restricted to this book or this post hiatus period. It's been ongoing. She's been given lazy, half-baked writing for a majority of the series, and I cannot even count the "development" she got in Book 1 because those are only building blocks. If you don't develop a character beyond that, all that's really there is a hollow shell. Hana had the promise and the potential to be a truly well-developed character, and they made a shell out of her instead.

• And it's not like the TRR team is unable to write women. Case in point: Olivia Nevrakis. Olivia's character development has been consistent and well-written throughout the entire series. Not only are her background, motivations and emotional state constantly given attention, the narrative somehow ensures she gets good development even when the focus isn't on her.

For instance, Olivia takes a definite backseat in Book 2, and she's mostly relegated to either investigation work or slowly becoming part of the MC's inner circle. She doesn't have a presence in group scenes where Liam appears, and she doesn't have a single individual scene the way she did in Books 1 and 3. Still, she is given enough material to facilitate her growing relationship with the MC (if she so chooses) and the group. As Liam's alternate LI, parallels have been consistently drawn between her and the MC especially in Book 3. Her faith and belief in Liam is constantly highlighted as unwavering, and her trust in the MC takes a while but culminates eventually in Olivia sharing an important part of her family history with her first.

Olivia's growth from a wary cactus to someone who trusts you if you reach out to her enough, wouldn't have been half as convincing if she wasn't given that kind of development. But perhaps this is because Olivia - like Liam - is so involved in the larger plot of the books, whereas Hana exists mostly outside of the main plot.

• But you know WHO isn't exactly all that central to the main plot of the series but still gets great character development? DRAKE. It started slow, with Drake's first individual diamond scene coming in as late as Chapter 7 (which IMO makes sense, since they needed the MC to warm up to him first), but he was given a solid foundation in Book 1 that was built on in Book 2, and furnished with detailing in Book 3. His diamond scenes were mostly rich in character development and the book was consistent in their focus of him as well.

In Book 3, there is a marked difference between how he is written as an LI versus as a friend. While his overall arc was frustrating to some readers, it was built up pretty well and the conclusion to it (the duel) was written in such a way that it really felt like a vindication of sorts. The duel in fact had an added significance if the MC was his fiancée, because both are commoners who are being targeted by Neville for "rising above their station". There isn't a single scene of Drake's in Book 3 that doesn't explore his character in a detailed manner, or have two diametrically different scenes highlighting his LI/non-LI status.

How does the duel act as a game changer for Drake? He tells it to us himself: the duel was not just for his honour alone, but for every commoner a noble has slighted. For his family, for his sister, for his fiancée (if he is marrying the MC) or friend. It's poignant, dramatic, powerful as a culmination of Drake's journey. The conflict resolution of an arc should end with a bang, and Drake's really did.

• Hana on the other hand is a different story altogether. No matter what her relationship is with the MC in Book 3, she is mostly relegated to "best friend" status regardless. Her initial conflicts as a fiancée seemed to indicate she feared turning into her parents (Chapters 1 and 2) and it sounded really promising, but that characterization was dropped as soon as the Unity Tour kicked off. She is depicted worrying about how she will survive and contribute to Cordonia and whether her skills really equipped her for the outside world, but it is explored only in one character scene of hers, and very very superficially.

Unlike the duel scene for Drake, Hana's conflict-resolution scene this chapter falls flat and doesn't really mark much of a change. The only difference in her relationship with her parents' is that they see her as useful minus a man by her side now. Emphasis on useful. What kind of resolution is that? Does it have a great impact? Does it have any impact?

• Hana's treatment is marginally better only when you compare it to Maxwell's, who has had just one character scene so far, and who hasn't seen much significant development since the beginning of Book 3. Even though the team has mentioned that he was meant to be an LI from the beginning, the way he was written in the beginning and the way they write him now tells me otherwise.

But they don't have that excuse for Hana. Hana WAS a confirmed LI from the beginning. She WAS part of the original lineup. Which means they should have been working as hard on her as they did Liam and Drake. What excuse does the team have for not developing her properly??

• The problem here is clear: both Drake and Olivia are centered within the narratives that focus on their stories. When the focus comes to Paris in Book 2, or Lythikos in Book 3, they are front and center. Compared to that, how is Hana going to compete? At the points that the narrative should be focusing on her, she is given garbage in place of content and story. Even when the narrative is supposed to be about her relationship with her parents and her growth outside their influence, she is the least important person. She was the least important person in Shanghai, and she's now the least important person in this chapter that was supposed to showcase how far she has come from the nervous, underconfident girl we met in Book 1. It's even more infuriating when you take into account that she was meant to be the only female LI, that they

1. never planned to give people who wanted to romance a woman in TRR more than just this option, and

2. couldn't be bothered to follow through and do a decent job of the one option they had.

• I hate calling Hana a Mary Sue, because that wasn't at all what she originally was. She was indecisive, had low self esteem, didn't always enjoy the activities and skulls she was pressurized into learning. There was at least one occasion where she spoke of getting her way by failing...and now the same character is labelled a Mary Sue.

But you know what? There's a reason why she is addressed as such. A Mary Sue is a mark of lazy writing and poor characterization, used on characters that are made to appear perfect in lieu of real development. And while Hana started out a little flawed and confused and in need of guidance, she soon turned into this Ms Perfect who was talented in everything and received praises from everyone instead of an actual insight into her character.

• Hana is at a disadvantage on her own. She is the only LI among the four who was brought up elsewhere (in China), and who wasn't from familiar ground (America)/fictional places (Cordonia) for the writers. Her issues are very culture-specific, they rise out of a context. Not many people may relate to that straightaway so it is essential that her story is handled with a lot more care and nuance. She is a woman of colour who is in the closet, brought up (as is hinted) in a family that doesn't exactly view her sexuality as normal. This is how the Hana of Book 1 was written.

Then Book 2 happened, and the writers either realised they didn't know enough to write this story convincingly, or didn't care enough to do the research. I suspect it's a mix of both. Even so, they should have done some reading up, done some homework, tried to at least center this character around her own narrative. No one is asking for a thesis on society and norms in Shanghai - they're asking for some good background, some basic research, legends and stories that she must have grown up with, if that's what it takes to do justice to this character. If you're going to create a character so unfamiliar to this world and make her a love interest, you had better put in the work that story requires.

Otherwise stop. Stop branding yourself as LGBTQ friendly when most of your female LI fans have to make do with mere scraps, stop patting yourselves on the back for including women of colour in your books when you view them as nothing but tokens.

• I'm sure Liam and Drake sound more lucrative...popular...whatever...and that factors into the way they're being writen, but when the lone female LI consistently gets the short end of the stick, what do you expect? They write Hana (and many other female LIs) in such a way that they're almost set up to fail. At least a few players I have spoken to have highlighted how they went from liking Hana in Book 1 to hardly interested in her presence in Book 2. That change didn't occur out of nowhere: when the writers themselves don't write her with any amount of conviction, how do you expect the readers NOT to lose interest?

There have been a lot of improvements made in terms of readers' demands. Whether it involved the way LI scenes were written, or Liam's initial lack of romantic interactions in Book 3, or even how Kiara's PTSD was addressed. The one thing neglected every. single. time. was Hana. And I'm saying this because I've spoken and spoken and spoken about how little Hana is given and how much more she deserves, and things still haven't changed. I highly doubt they will at this point. It's too late now. Hana's arc is largely over, and her ending makes absolutely no sense when you compare it to the way her story was initially written. Had she had the kind of focus that, say, Drake has been having, we wouldn't have this rushed mess of a conclusion for her story.

• Tldr: Hana could reached her potential as a character. She could have been interesting, imperfect, inspiring. If her writers were actually bothered. But they aren't, so those of us who do love her are left wondering if we care about her more than the people who created her (yes we do). I'm tired, fam. I give up. I think I'm done with this book, and I don't think I can ever get back to loving it the way I used to.

[mermaidsirennikita]

it looks like hirst is trying to make us hate her for "cheating", but freydis really doesn't have a whole lot of options here does she? given that ivar won't even try to conceive a child, and she is clearly smart enough to know he needs an heir what choice did she have? after what happened to margrethe it makes me very scared to see what happens to freydis if ivar finds out the baby isn't his. like i really really dont want to see that happen to her especially since people will be cheering it on

First off, the fandom is disgusting and the hate blogs about the actress specifically are so pathetic that it would be laughable if it wasn’t... again, disgusting.  Alex is never going to fuck them, and Ivar certainly won’t--idk what the fandom’s deal is with Freydis OR the actress playing her.

(I mean, I do, but it’s so outside the realm of relatability to me that the mind kind of reels.)

That’s the thing.  I think it was kind of ridiculous that Ivar, so attracted to Freydis and in such a precarious position, wouldn’t even try with her.  Especially because their first scene together in 5A was so ambiguous that lots of people (myself included) assumed that Hirst was going with a weird “she cured him” angle and that he WAS able to become aroused.  He tried to have sex with one woman, one time.  That’s it.  It’s been years since then, and he’s also grown up a bit.  I get that he doesn’t want to embarrass himself, but desperate times, man?  He needed to at least try it for the sake of his position as king. Tbh, Hirst seems to have forgotten Ivar’s health problems--he seems to have next to no issue with walking if he’s wearing his braces.  So for this to rear its ugly head is a bit much lol.

It’s not as if every king was this sex god back in the day--powerful men have long needed heirs, and powerful men have long had erectile dysfunction.  If you REALLY need an heir, the last resort is having someone else do the job.  There are always rumors of Enrique of Spain attempting various medical treatments (some rumors even cite like... a 1400s version of artificial insemination, but tha seems unlikely).  Louix XVI seems to have had a procedure performed to help him.  Ivar not being able to get an erection is a big problem, but I feel I’d give it a few college tries before being like “welp, this isn’t going to happen”.  He also OBVIOUSLY wants her, so I find it hard to believe that he’ll make out with her but he won’t even let her try and give him a handjob.  You only need it to work once at the right time.

Also, I feel like, as Ivar is famously ruthless and cunning, if mad...  It would have been in character for him to agree to or even suggest a “sperm donor”?  He’s super proud and has fragile masculinity, for sure.  But he also has demonstrated an ability to understand the long game, and it’s not like he’s never dealt with any kind of humiliation.  I feel that the last thing he’d do would not even try.  He’s faced so many obstacles.  He’d either steadfastly TRY to have sex with her until finally giving up and picking out a guy, or, if times are super desperate as they seem to be, he’d pick a dude and have him killed after Freydis conceived.  A variation on the old Colum Mackenzie strategy.  Hirst has no interest in Ivar and Freydis being partners in crime; he wants her to be the bad woman who makes Ivar “even worse” as if Ivar isn’t already a heinous person.  I would prefer the partners in crime angle. I think it’d really demonstrate how important power was to Ivar if he and Freydis went in on this secret together.  Vikings is so lax about its rules on monogamy that maybe it wouldn’t even matter???  But I’d kind of love that.

Maybe the long term idea is to have Ivar descend so deeply into madness that he’s incapable of recognizing the truth.  But I’m sure that this will end with the downfall of the evil Freydis.  Probably at Ivar’s hands, I guess.

[sftswigan]

Manchester gutter punks, The Battery Farm, talk to us about horrific crime inspiring a song and how they just had to form this band...

We’ve got frontman/guitarist Ben from the band.

Alright Ben, can you tell us about the band. Who plays what and how the band got together?

Hallo! We are The Battery Farm, four gutter bastards from Manchester playing gnarly, seething punk rock music.

Ben Corry on Vocals and Guitar, Dominic Corry on Guitar, Paul Worrall on Bass, Sam Parkinson on Drums. Me and Dom formed this band from the ashes of a band we'd previously been in together for 8 years. At the point we formed The Battery Farm we were in a low place, feeling like failures, feeling defeated by this thing that we'd built for years just imploding, feeling angry and scared and hopeless at the utter state of the world. We basically decided to do this in the pub one night when we felt like we had absolutely nothing to lose. It was formed as a desperate reaction to two lives and minds spiralling out of control in a hostile, hateful world.

That must have been tough but, seems like it’s worked out well and the band from what I can tell is going from strength to strength. How soon did you find the remaining members, Paul and Sam? What have they brought to the band?

It has actually. Helpfully, it was a fertile environment from which to create. The first wave of songs - stuff like I Am a Man - are the purest distillation of that sense of lashing out, that sense of desperation we were feeling at the time.

We found Paul pretty much straight away. I'd known him for years through Manchester's Fringe theatre scene, having been in a couple of plays with him. He'd come to see me in a play, I knew he was a musician as well as an actor (although I don't think I'd grasped just how good he is), so I asked if he fancied playing bass for our new band. Sam we actually didn't know before the band, and it took a little longer to get him in. He works for the same company i do and I'd heard he was a drummer, so I got his contact details, asked him if he fancied coming for a rehearsal with us. It all clicked, and the rest is history.

Paul and Sam bring a massive amount to the band. They lift the songs me and Dom write and add a very particular combination of power and melody which you'll be hard pressed to come by very often. They're fucking ace and they know what is good for the song. No ego, no fucking about. They know what's important.

Sounds like you needed that new band to form quickly and to find drummer and bassist when you did you was very fortunate. I watched an interview of you and Dom recently and you talked about inspiration for songwriting and I was interested in where 97/91 came from. When it comes to writing where do you first look to for ideas?

Yeah we did, finding a drummer was comparitively difficult and I think if we'd have really struggled then we honestly would have just given up on it. 97/91 came about after I read an article about the murder of Suzanne Capper in Moston, north Manchester, which is where me and Dom grew up. I'm not going to go into details but if you look it up you'll see that it's the most horrific thing you've ever read. It stuck with me for weeks afterwards, and part of that was because I knew the streets where it had taken place and the community in which it had taken place. The houses it happened in - numbers 97 and 91 - are still there to this day. I got to thinking about why I reacted so viscerally to that story in particular; atrocities happen every day and we don't bat an eyelid, not really. It had such an impact because I was so familiar with the setting, so familiar with the type of person involved. It was too real. 97/91 explores the idea that we make a trade-off in our lives, one which enables cognitive dissonance that shields us from the impact the mass, relentless violence of the world. It also means that when something evil happens in a familiar setting the impact is much greater.

How can it only be real when you can see it? 97/91 isn't necessarily about the Capper murder itself, but the murder is a jumping off point to explore the faustian pact at the heart of the human condition, the one that keeps us sane but also ebbs away at our souls.

Our ideas just literally come from trying to explain our perspective on the world, we don't necessarily make a conscious effort to look in one place for ideas. We just write about whatever moves us. That can be mental illness, corrupt political systems, or the fact that I've never been to Gorton, which is literally the title of one of our new songs.

I find reading about crime stories really interesting, it’s madness what goes on in this world! This is one I’m not aware of but this must have been difficult to write about with it being so close to home? I love the anger and aggression in your music and lyrics.

You mentioned being an actor earlier, do you think this has an influence on your performance as a front man?

Yeah I went through a short phase of listening to true crime podcasts earlier this year but i had to stop bec it was all too grim. It was difficult to explore the ideas that particular incident led me onto but the endgame wasn't to just write about the murder itself, so I suppose keeping that in mind kept my head clear and made things easier.

Honestly, i try to keep any ideas of acting and theatre separate from the band. The actor thing can be frustrating at times because people conflate that with what I do in the band and think that everything must be a performance of some kind, which it isn't. The whole idea of putting The Battery Farm together was that it could give us an outlet to express ourselves honestly, and to me the stuff I do as a frontman is just an honest reaction to what I'm singing and what it makes me feel. I try not to overthink that aspect of it because I feel like to do so would water it down. It needs to be raw, it needs to be stark, it needs to be reality. If it's an actor's performance I'm not really getting anything out of it.

It’s amazing how reading/listening to one can lead on to another one. But yeah hard to shake off once you’ve learned about them.

You’re performance on stage seems very honest and I love to see in a frontman.

Moving on to the music scene...Manchester in particular is buzzing at the minute. Did the band find it easy to slot in? What’s been your favourite gig up to now?

We did actually. We knew a couple of people anyway from being in previous bands but until now I'd always found the Manchester scene a little unfriendly. It's totally different now. Not only is it overflowing with incredible, original, exciting new bands but it's also full of amazing people, and in the year we've been gigging we've made some wonderful friends. There's a proper sense of inclusivity and community, a lack of ego and aloofness that wasn't there before.

My favourite, and I think the others would agree with me, is our first headline set which was at The Peer Hat last November. It was an Abattoir Blues night and they're always amazing. The venue was packed to capacity and the atmosphere was electric. It was the kind of big, simmering sweatbox that seems impossible to imagine in the current climate. I want every gig we play to be like that one.

Yeah it’s great to see bands appreciating each other’s music and plugging their stuff on social media etc. I love going to Manchester for a gig. It’s a great time for guitar music in the UK at the minute with bands like Idles, Fontaines DC and Sports Team doing really well. And also The Blinders bringing album 2 out very soon!

That gig sounds like a great night!

When all this is over and we get some normality back...what are the bands plans?

Well, we're heading into the studio later this summer to begin work on... something. Beyond that it's hard to say because like everyone else we can't really make plans at the moment. Like everyone else we're pretty much having to make it up as we go along. We do have gigs booked for November and December but whether they'll happen or not remains up to fate. Everything going to plan, we may be in for an exciting end to the year. Maybe.

Gonna be very exciting for all bands and music once gigs/recording etc can happen again isn’t it.

Got so many new bands I want to see. Have you discovered any new bands during lockdown? If not, what have you been listening to?

Lockdown's actually been really fruitful in terms of new bands releasing amazing stuff. I've been listening to a lot of Tinfoils recently, they're a delight! Also been loving new stuff from Cold Water Swimmers, The Red Stains, Richard Carlson Band, The Maitlands, loads of stuff. I've also recently discovered John Shuttleworth, a comedy singer from Sheffield who does weird Phoenix Club-type songs about stuff like margerine and vans. I love stuff like that, real end of the pier nonsense.

I love Tinfoils and down to have them on here in Wigan but then lockdown came. The other bands I’m aware of too but not the solo artists you’ve mentioned.

Yeah Tinfoils are great. John Shuttleworth has been around for years i think. I can imagine he won't be to everyone's taste. Richard Carlson Band are actually named after the actor Richard Carlson, who was in The Creatire From the Black Lagoon. There is no Richard Carlson in that band! They're absolutely ace, they released their debut single a few weeks ago and I've had it on repeat.

I’ll be sure to listen to your recommendations, love finding new music to listen to.

We’re coming to the end of the interview now, I’ve just got a couple of questions. You’ll get two options, you pick one answer...

Winter or summer?

Sex Pistols or The Clash?

Roast dinner or Chinese?

Film or Book?

Winter

The Clash

Roast Dinner

Book

Thanks for having me! Hopefully see you soon

Thanks Ben for taking the time to chat to us. Hopefully we’ll cross paths at a gig soon.

If you want to listen to the band please go and follow them on social media and their music is on Spotify etc.

[rreader]

Love love love your Jamie Lannister story ✨💜 Can you maybe write another Jamie / Reader story where they always flirt and end up sleeping together. But soon after Reader discovers she's pregnant, and thinks Jamie won't want someone who isn't royalty to have his child and that he will hate/reject her, so she plans to escape one night. When Jamie realises she is gone he is panicked and goes searching for her and asks her why she ran? Thanx!!!

Pairing: Jaime Lannister x ReaderFandom: GoT / ASoIaFWarnings: little bit of smut

A/N: hey sweetheart! thank you so much for the request! I certainly had my fun with it and hope you enjoy it as well

                                                           *****

Youwere just on your way to the queen’s chambers when you walked past Jaime.

Hewas currently talking to some guards but averted his eyes and looked at you, both of you a small smile on your lips.

Hethen waited a few more seconds before excusing himself and followingyou.

Youwere waiting for him in an empty hallway and immediately kissed himwhen he turned around the corner.

“Imissed you,” you said breathlessly after needing a small break from kissing.

Hehad been on some important business in Winterfell and had been gonefor quite some time. Too long.

“I’vemissed you too”

Youleaned against the wall behind you and he kissed you once more, softer this time.

“Cometo my chambers tonight.. We’ll have more time. And privacy,” his voice was low against your lips.

You bit your lip, knowing exactly what would happen tonight and the thought of it made your entire body feel like jelly. 

“I’llbe there.”

Hegave you one last kiss, then made his way to wherever he was going.

Youwaited a few more seconds to calm yourself a little, then went on with your day, but with a much happier attitude.

Andthat night, when Jaime was pressing you into the mattress of his bed andyou were moaning his name in his ear over and over again, it feltlike everything was perfect for a moment.

Itwas the first time you were sleeping together.

Whileyou had been flirting for ages and made out numerous of times, youhadn’t taken it this far yet. But you were glad you finally did.

Yousighed deeply when you felt him spill his seeds inside you and bityour lip with a grin.

“Byall the gods, Jaime, we should’ve done this sooner.”

Youwere both covered in sweat and he laughed a little while he rolledoff of you.

“Iagree.”

“Thequeen seemed rather happy you were back..”

“Canwe not talk about my sister right now, please?” 

Youlaughed and snuggled into his side, placing a kiss on his chest.

“Forgiveme.”

Hisarm came around your body and his hand rested on your hip, thensoftly caressed your butt. 

“I don’t want to ruin the moment but.. would you like this to continue?” you asked, a little unsure about it too. You loved being with him, but didn’t know how he felt at all.

He looked down and waited till you looked up at him, then he simply grinned and rolled you over so you were under him again. His chamber was filled with laughter that soon turned into moans again.

Andso you did. Almost every night for the next three months you went to hisbedchamber and ended up screaming his name because of thepleasurable things he did to you.

Tono one’s surprised, you were incredibly sore at the end of it, whichwas the reason you gave Jaime as to why you needed a little break.

Butit wasn’t the truth.

Thetruth was, you had been stupid and didn’t think about taking care ofnot becoming pregnant.

And now, here you were, sitting on your bed, carrying the child of Jaime fucking Lannister.

Itwas the first time you thought about what you truly were to him. Youbelieved he still loved his sister more than a brother should lovehis sister and you were almost sure that you were merely just someone who hecould fuck every night. Not that that was anything bed. I mean, you enjoyed it as well, after all.

Sometimesyou thought he saw more in you, when he looked at you in the afterglow of the sex and and just.. smile at you. But then you remembered your placeand quickly erased any thoughts of that possibility.

Andlet’s not forget the queen in this.

Youdoubted that she would be very happy to hear that his brother hadmanaged to get a girl pregnant, much less one of her personal servants.

Rumorshad it that the three children she had given birth to were in factthe children of her and Jaime. So if that rumor was indeed true, shewould be even less happier that he would be a father again, while shewas left with no children to care for.

Whatwould she do to you when she found out? Would she kill you? Your child? 

Whatwould Jaime do when he found out? Laugh about you? Throw you out of the castle? Would he be that cruel?

It was only now that you realized how you hardly even knew him.

Itwas all too much and you had to get away from it. Now.

Theeasiest way out of this situation was to run. You had saved some coins and would probablymanage to get out of the city and into a village, where you couldraise your child on your own and hopefully in peace. It wouldn’t be easy with no support but you’dmanage somehow.

Sothe decision was made. You packed the most important things you hadand left one night through an escape route all servants knew. Justin case something bad would happen someday. Because everyone knewthat the servants would be the first to be left to burn in thecastle. And with that secret escape route, they didn’t have to. Win win for everyone, it seemed.

Youmanaged to find someone who was willing to take you out of the cityand with one last look to the castle, you left the father of your childbehind, trying to tell yourself that it was the right choice. He’d probably not even notice you were gone.

                                                        ***

“Cersei?Have you seen (Y/N)?” he walked into her bedroom and looked around.

“Who?” it was early and she was already drinking wine. That woman had a problem. A massive one.

“Yourservant. (Y/N).”

“You think I know them by name?”

"Fine, nevermind then,” he said, the annoyance clear in his voice. He left her bedroom as quickly as he had entered it and went on with his search

Youwere supposed to meet earlier, just for talking this time. You hadn’t seen each other for a week and according to the other servants, they hadn’t seen you since then.

Hefound a guardsman who said you left the castle in a hurry a few days ago. You had triedto sneak off, but King’s Landing had eyes and ears everywhere.

Somany questions flew around Jaime’s mind. Why would you leave in themiddle of the night? Or much rather, why would you leave in the firstplace?

Hewouldn’t get an answer to any questions unless he found you, so heasked around in the city. It took him a long time, but finallyfound the man who had taken you to a nearby village. Whenhe asked if you had given any reasons for the sudden departure, the villager simply shook his head.

Without wasting another second, Jaime took his horse and rode to the village that was described tohim, panic slowly settling in his body and mind.

Wereyou threatened by someone? Maybe even by Cersei? Did she find outthat you were his mistress and decide to get rid of the competition? 

Hewouldn’t forgive himself if you were dead somewhere. And the more he thought about you lying in a ditch somewhere, the more he wanted to throw up. He had to find you. Now.

Oncehe reached the village, he asked around a little. It was a small one so it didn’t take him long to find someone who had seen you. 

He walked to the whorehouse (because this village was apparently big enough to have a freaking whorehouse) and started looking around.

He let out a sigh of relief when he finally saw you sitting at the back of thewhorehouse.

“(Y/N)!” he almost ran up to you.

Youlooked up and your jaw slightly dropped.

“Wh..-How did you find me?!”

“Areyou hurt?” he knelt down in front of you toinspect your body for injuries.

“No.I’m alright,” you grabbed his hands to stop him from further inspecting you.

A moment of silence before he spoke again.

“Thenwhy did you leave?”

Youstood up and hugged your body, suddenly feeling incredibly cold.

“Jaime..just leave. I don’t think we should spend more time together,” youleft the whorehouse and walked into the fields. He couldn’t just leave, so he obviously followed you andkept pressing to tell what was going on.

“Idon’t think you want to know,” you kept walking and only stopped when he grabbed your hand and turned you around.

“Ofcourse I do!” 

You looked into his eyes and could’ve sworn that you saw worry in them.

“I’mwith child,” it was barely audible. A mere whisper.

Hisshoulders sagged a bit and he seemed confused.

“What?”

Youdidn’t say anything. What more was there to say? He knew how babies were made, you assumed.

“Then..why did you run? Is it from someone else?!” 

“What?!No! You were the only one! Who do you take me for?!”

“Ididn’t mean it like that it’s just.. why would you run if you’reexpecting a child that is mine?”

“Ididn’t think you’d want it. We were just.. enjoying ourselves. I’m not your wife Jaime and I’m not royal.”

Hewas an idiot for not thinking about that option before. 

Of course. Youran because you were afraid he’d cast you out when he’d find out. Too many people did that these days.

God,such an idiot.

Heput his normal hand on your cheek and caressed your lips with his thumb.

"I want it. It’s my child and I want to be there for it. For you.”

Youdidn’t quite believe him yet.

“And what exactly did you have in mind? As I’ve said before, I’m not royal so I doubt we’ll marry. And I can’t just stay in the castle. Sooner or later, people will find out that it’s yours.”

“There are enough houses in King’s Landing. I’ll buy one, tell everyone it’s to get away from the crazy every once in a while. But in truth, you’ll be living in it. With our child.”

Youlooked down, thinking about it carefully.

“(Y/N)look at me.”

Youdid.

“Iwant you to know that I’m happy. Really happy.”

Hekissed your forehead and then hugged you. 

And when he held up his end of the bargain and you moved into your new, small, but comfortable house in King’s Landing, you kissed him and smiled.

You would both make it work somehow. 

[lizzybeth1986]

I’ve noticed something very interesting about the Nevrakis chapters. Specifically Chapter 8.

This is technically the first time, in the books, that all three love interests offer to spend time in private with the MC in the same chapter, allowing the reader to choose which/how many diamond scenes to take (depending on who they are shipping). Liam offers her a night of relaxation in the hot tub attached to his room, Hana plays for her on the piano in the parlour and Drake invites her for drinks in Olivia’s wine cellar. The MC gets plenty of chances for romance in all of them.

But this isn’t the only similarity between the scenes. It also shows how far she has progressed with each of them. We must remember…all three love interests are people who take a lot of time to truly trust people and open up to them. Liam is a man who seems open and friendly but holds a lot of secrets, Drake tends to keep his cards held close to his chest at all times, and Hana is a woman who doesn’t admit difficult truths even to herself, much less anyone else.

Yet, in each of their diamond scenes in this chapter, they reveal to the MC how deep their trust in her goes. This is the first time, for instance, that Liam tells her explicitly that he trusts her. He goes as far as to admit that he would give in to her, given half the chance, and tells her that his brother’s experience of love changed his own mind about love completely. Drake confides in her about the bachelor party photos, something which at this point, is confidential information, and likens her to an innocent deer among predators (a far cry from his ‘crown chaser’ comments in Chapter 2).

Hana’s admission of trust, in contrast, shines through more in her actions than in her words. Yes - like Liam and Drake - she does confide in the MC, telling her about her love for music and her first attempt to rebel against her parents. But the most significant sign of her trust in the MC, is the very fact that she performs in front of her.

When the MC enters the room, Hana first expresses nervousness, because it has been ages since she has performed in front of someone. The story behind this is half-tragic, half-triumphant.

Up until now, the MC has seen Hana dance, skate, be the perfect courtier. Hana’s response whenever the MC points out her talent in these areas, remains the same: oh, I’m good at this, but I don’t particularly enjoy it.

This is the first instance we see Hana doing something she is both good at, and enjoys. So why is it that she hasn’t performed in so long?

Hana tells us that her parents soon started to make a spectacle of this special talent of hers, pushing her to perform at functions whether she was willing to or not. She didn’t feel nervous about playing, nor did doing so exhaust her, since she was proficient enough in the piano that she could compose her own tunes, and literally play out symphonies from memory. When dragged out to perform like this, the music becomes less about herself and her own happiness, and more about showing her off.

“Everything I’ve learned, everything I’ve become…it’s all for my family,” she tells the MC, her frustration painfully apparant. Hana has spent most of her life for her family, with very little time, or energy, left to do the things that make her happy.

She never seems to get the opportunity to discover what matters to her, or what brings her joy, so when she finds the one thing that does, it’s expected to be something meant just for her. But the exact opposite takes place. Instead, she is shuttled from party to party, luncheon to luncheon, forced to perform constantly in front of a crowd the way a circus animal would, trapped and unhappy.

Why does this anger Hana so much? Because even she wasn’t even allowed to keep this hobby, which brought her so much happiness, for herself.

What interests me just as much as her anger at being used this way, is how she chooses to channel that anger. I’ve mentioned in this essay that Hana has spent most of her life repressing her emotions, deprived as she is of healthy outlets where she can let it all out and find any solace. In this case, instead of directly confronting them, she chooses to sabotage her performance instead, risking humiliation just so she can take back her power. This is a welcome rebellion, but it is also one that tells us how limited her options to vent are. How much anger and pain and sadness she has had to supress, just to be able to maintain that relationship with her parents. And that is the real tragedy of this story.

So when she invites the MC specifically to listen to her play, it is the ultimate sign of trust, the most in intimate gift she can possibly give to the MC - and the MC definitely recognizes this:

When Hana plays for the MC, she isn't just displaying a talent or giving the MC an appreciation for music. She is sharing the most intimate, most secret part of herself: one she had once vowed not to share with anyone else. She is allowing the MC to explore her deepest depths, if the MC so wishes. She is trusting the MC with a part of her that she considers only her own...which, therefore, means she considers the MC as important to her as her own sense of self is.

This moment, in my opinion, is one of the most intimate, romantic Hana moments in the book.

The other important background story we get from Hana is after she has finished playing her haunting (literally!! That music score is from THoBM) composition. She unknowingly reveals herself as a prodigy, talking about composing music by the lake at age 12. But this beautiful story is also rather painful, because it shows us a lonely, friendless, morose Hana who had no one.

There are various instances in the books that show us how lonely Hana has actually been, all her life. The fact that she is shocked about the MC being an ally rather than an enemy. Her admission that she never really had close friends. Her story, way back in the Derby, about having tea parties with imaginary friends because she wasn’t ever given toys. So the fact that the MC is her first real friend makes her feelings for her even more confusing.

However, in this scene when the MC gives her an avenue to touch her, she seems to show a lot more confidence in accepting, and doesn’t half as flustered as she did during the Cordonian waltz practice.

So far, every time the MC has touched Hana in a romantic way, Hana’s response has always been surprise. More at what that contact makes her feel, than the touch itself. We must remember that she is a woman brought up in a largely heteronormative society, where the idea of falling for someone of the same sex is (possibly) not even allowed to exist. She is a woman who is experiencing love for the first time, and it just happens to be to a woman, and that knowledge is currently knocking her sideways. So when she appears shocked it is herself she is shocked at.

But in this sequence, she gladly accepts the MC’s offer, and allows herself to enjoy this tiny intimacy.

Hana is slowly, but surely, getting slightly more comfortable with her feelings for the MC, even if she doesn’t fully understand them yet.