#like if a bagpipe could be evil. and worse.

[mobbothetrue]

I wanted to have a sleepy lie in today but instead I got a horrible dream about an elephant chasing me so I guess I’m awake now

[scottpetersen]

DuckTales The Inter-Dimensional Swap Fanfic Chapter 1

Scrooge McDuck (2017) POV:

I heard the alarm clock on my nightstand ring and I woke up on my bed.

Ugh. Seems like it’s 6:00AM already.

I know that’s an early time to start your day. But ever since it turned out that my CEO Bradford was the evil mastermind behind FOWL, I had to pull more of my own weight in running McDuck Enterprises and it’s gotten excruciatingly exhausting. And I had no choice but to set my alarm clock to 6:00AM to make sure I’m able to run my company and also make time for my family and our adventures. Between all that, it’s been a while since I’ve had a decent amount of sleep.

But I’ve made it through far worse before. So, I’m sure I can make it through this until I hire a new CEO. After all, I am Scrooge McDuck. Tougher than the toughies and smarter than the smarties.

Suddenly, I realized something.

The sound my alarm clock is making is different from before.

I took a look at it only to realize this looks like an alarm clock manufactured in the 1980s. It doesn’t look like a modern alarm clock at all.

Also, this alarm clock says it’s 8:00AM. So, it was set to ring at 8:00AM rather than 6:00AM!

Curse me kilts! What is this?!

Then, I heard knocking on my bedroom door.

I went to open it.

Then, I saw the person at the door.

What?! How is this possible?!

It’s Duckworth! But he doesn’t appear to be a ghost! Standing before me is a completely living Duckworth who looks almost identical to what he looked like while he was still alive! I’m not sure I’d believe it if I wasn’t seeing it! Although, it does seem that his physique is slightly different.

I would feel overjoyed to see that Duckworth has apparently been restored to the land of the living.

But something felt wrong here.

“Good morning, sir.” Duckworth said.

“Duckworth?” I said still trying to figure out how this is possible. “How are you alive?!”

Confusion and surprise showed on Duckworth’s face.

Does he not remember being a ghost?!

“Are…you feeling alright, sir?” Duckworth replied after a moment of hesitation. “And if you don’t mind me asking, do you need something for your throat?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Forgive me, sir. It’s just that…” Duckworth began to say while hesitating. “Your voice sounds different.”

“What?” I asked. My voice sounds perfectly normal to me.

I think I need to get myself some space in order to figure what’s going on here.

“I think I should get started on my day in order to clear my head.” I said as politely as possible.

Duckworth looked very reluctant before replying with, “Very well, sir.”

I wandered through the halls of my mansion thinking about what could be happening here.

Could it be that I somehow got trapped in the past…NO! That can’t be it! That wouldn’t explain why Duckworth didn’t recognize my voice.

Eventually, I stumbled across…Beakley?!

She’s not wearing her usual attire. She’s wearing a purple outfit with a large white apron and her hair looks like it’s in curls as well as a bun.

“Beakley?” I said getting her attention. “…what are you wearing?”

That outfit strongly resembles the outfit she was wearing while we were trapped in that bizarre Quack Pack TV show created by that genie.

Hm. Is that what this is? Is that genie messing with me and my family again?

…No. I doubt that. I don’t hear any laughter coming from nowhere. Besides, last time I checked, we were on good terms the last time we met.

“Hello, Mr. McDuck.” Beakley said greeting me before responding to my question. “And what about you? Don’t you usually wear blue rather than red? And why does your voice sound different?”

Bless me bagpipes! Beakley’s tone sounds all kinds of wrong! Her tone usually sounds a lot more strict and firm! Now, though, it sounds a lot more soft.

Also, why do both Duckworth and Beakley think my voice sounds different? It sounds perfectly normal.

Suddenly, I heard something! It sounded like a vase breaking.

Me and Beakley went to see what was going on only to find Huey, Dewey and Louie standing over the shattered pieces of the vase.

“Uh oh. We’ve really done it now.” Dewey said before the triplets spotted us.

“Oh uh…Hi, Uncle Scrooge.” they said in unison.

The way they said that in unison sounded very wrong. And their tones sound like those of stereotypical kids.

“Oh. Good morning, Grandma. Good morning, Scrooge.” she said as she walked towards us.

“Good morning, Webbigail.” Beakley replied.

Wait! That’s…Webbigail?!

She looks like that doll she had nailed to the wall with an arrow!

“Webbigail?” I said. “Is that you…daughter?”

“What?!” everyone here shouted clearly being taken by surprise by what I just said.

Beakley then whispered in my ear, “I know you’re probably trying to make my granddaughter feel more appreciated but isn’t this going overboard?”

So, no one here remembers Webbigail turning out to be my daughter.

Suddenly, it all fell into place. Bless me bagpipes! I should’ve figured this out sooner! I’m in a parallel universe of some sort. That would explain why things seem to be different here. And why my family seem to be acting different.

They’re alternate versions of my family!

I heard a strange moaning sound and looked to see…Wait A Second!

It’s that cave duck from our time-travel adventure! Or rather his alternate universe counterpart.

Apparently, in this world, he wasn’t sent back to the past.

The cave duck started sniffing the air and made his way towards me.

And after he sniffed me, he backed away and started looking confused.

I’m guessing my scent is a bit different from my counterpart’s.

“What is it, Bubba?” Huey’s counterpart asked.

I tapped my cane on the floor and cleared my throat getting everyone’s attention.

“He just figured out I’m not the Scrooge McDuck you know.” I said seeing no point in keeping this a secret from my family’s counterparts.

And I also found myself relieved to hear no one asking about my voice this time.

After a moment, Webbigail’s counterpart asked, “What? What are you talk about?”

“I’m another version of Scrooge from an alternate universe that somehow got sent here.” I said.

This isn’t the first time I traveled to other dimensions. So, I know what I’m talking about.

“What?!” everyone shouted.

“Then, where’s our Scrooge?” Webbigail’s counterpart asked.

There was an awkward silence.

I thought about it for a few moments.

That’s a good question! I didn’t see him while I was wandering through this world’s McDuck Manor. But if I woke up in his bedroom and his alarm clock was already set…Oh. Oh no!

“I think I just realized where my counterpart is!” I said.

“Well. Where is he?” Louie’s counterpart asked.

“I think he’s back in my home dimension!” I said.

“Then we gotta get him back!” Dewey’s counterpart said.

Something tells me that’s gonna be easier said than done.

Speaking of which, I hope my counterpart is doing fine back in my home. And I also hope he doesn’t take any of my money from my money bin!

-

Scrooge McDuck (1987) POV:

The alarm clock on my nightstand rang waking me up.

I reached over to shut it off only to get a look at the time: 6:00AM?!

I know I set my alarm clock to 8:00AM!

Also, this alarm clock doesn’t look like any kind I’ve seen before.

Maybe the boys took this from Gyro and decided to prank me with it.

Oh well. I’m awake now. Might as well give myself a good stroll.

I went out into the hallway.

And…saw a little girl out here.

“Good morning, Dad.” the little girl said with enthusiasm. “I made you your favorite tea.”

Wait! Dad?!

Is this girl confused?

“Dad? What are you talking about? I don’t recall having a daughter. Or any child for that matter.” I said.

“What?” the little girl said before walking a bit closer. “Um, Dad? Don’t you remember? We found out I was your daughter when it turned out that FOWL cloned me from your DNA to get the Papyrus Of Binding. And why do you sound different? And don’t you usually wear red rather than blue?”

WHAT?!

Cloned from my DNA?!

By FOWL?!

And what is the Papyrus Of Binding?!

And surely I would remember if things like that happened.

My voice sounds perfectly normal and I always wore blue.

Noticing my confusion, the girl looked down.

I don’t like this. I think she’s about to cry.

I was about to go over to see if I can comfort her. She may be a stranger as far as I know but she’s still just a child.

Then, the little girl suddenly gasped!

“Oh no!” she screamed. “Is this some sort of dystopian alternate dimension?!”

Then, the little girl pointed at me saying, “And you’re an evil Scrooge doppelgänger?!”

Oh no. That poor girl is starting to panic!

“What? No!” I said in response.

“Exactly what an evil Scrooge doppelgänger would say!” the little girl shouted and it seems like she’s getting ready to fight!

Uh oh. I have no choice! I have to defend myself.

And I better make sure not to hurt her.

Neither shouldn’t be too difficult. After all, she’s just a litt-

My train of thought was interrupted when the little girl jumped at me! And…

OW!!!

I stand corrected!

That girl is very strong as I realized when she punched me in the stomach!

As our fight raged on throughout the hallway, I tried to grab her but she dodged at every turn with her agility and small size making it too difficult to get ahold of her!

Then, she tripped me and got a firm grip on my arm.

I struggled to break free but to no avail.

“Give it up, Scrooge-elganger!” the little girl said. “Where! Is! My! Dad?!”

“What is going on here?!” someone shouted!

I turned my head to the source of the voice and it was a woman who bares somewhat of a resemblance to…Ms. Beakley?!

I also noticed 3 boys not far behind her. One wearing red. One wearing blue. One wearing green. Huey, Dewey and Louie?!

“Whoa Webby!” Louie said with panic and confusion. “Why are you attacking Uncle Scrooge?!”

Wait! That’s…Webbigail?!

What’s going on here?!

“Webby!” Ms. Beakley said sternly. “Let him go!”

After a moment, Webby replied with, “Ok, Grandma.”

Obeying her grandmother, Webbigail let go of my arm.

Then, Ms. Beakley turned to me and asked, “What happened?”

“I…don’t…know…” I slowly said still processing the sheer strangeness of the situation and Ms. Beakley unusually stern demeanor. “For some reason, Webbigail called me “Dad” and after I told her I didn’t know what she was talking about, she tackled me to the floor after calling me an “evil doppelgänger”.”

Ms. Beakley and the boys widened their eyes in shock!

“Sir, are you feeling alright?” Ms. Beakley asked with a suspicious and slightly curious stare. “You both look and sound different.”

“Why…uh…yes.” I replied slightly unsure how to respond.

“Wait!” Huey exclaimed gaining our attention. “I think Webby is actually right about him being a doppelgänger. I think he’s from a parallel universe.”

“What?! Why would you think that?” Louie asked bewildered.

“Because he does look like Uncle Scrooge but some of his features, namely his voice, are different. And if you look closely, you can see that his head is rounder and that his eyes are different too.” Huey explained. “And it’s similar to how our heads were rounder and our eyes were different while we were trapped in that alternate dimension by Taurus Bulba, remember? So, I’m also guessing that this is the version of Uncle Scrooge from that dimension.”

I’m beginning to realize that what Huey, er, this world’s Huey is saying actually makes sense. It’s the only explanation for why everyone is acting different.

“Wait a second!” Louie shouted. “If this Scrooge came here from an alternate dimension, then how did his head and eyes stay the same? Shouldn’t they have changed like they did for us while we were trapped in that alternate dimension?”

“We’ll have to figure that out later. If this Scrooge is here, then our Scrooge is probably trapped in his home dimension! We have to get him back!” this world’s Webby declared!

I honestly hope that my other self is doing fine back in my home. And that he doesn’t touch my money bin!

“Hey! What’s going on over here?” someone asked.

We turned to see where the voice was coming from.

The source of the voice was this world’s version of Donald.

Apparently, in this world, Donald decided to stay at my mansion and didn’t join the navy.

However, I don’t quite recognize the woman standing next to him.

“Hi, everyone. How’s it going?” that woman asked.

“Well, we have a bit of a crisis here.” this world’s Louie explained nonchalantly. “Turns out an alternate version of Scrooge is trapped in this dimension and we’re guessing our Scrooge is trapped in his dimension since we haven’t seen him.”

“What?!” Donald and that woman yelled in unison.

Speaking of that woman, I’m beginning to wonder who she is. My other self’s pilot? A work acquaintance? A friend?

Letting my curiosity get the better of me, I walked up to her and said, “I don’t believe we’ve met. Who might you be?”

Everyone’s eyes widened in shock again!

And that woman angrily responded with, “Wait a minute, buddy! Does this mean there’s no version of me where you’re from?!”

“I’m sorry. But not as far as I remember.” I said as politely as I could beginning to think I need to tread more lightly here.

“I’m the other you’s niece: Della Duck!” she said after letting out a disappointed groan.

My other self has a niece?!

Hm. She seems to be quite bold and determined. And judging by her prosthetic leg, she seems to have been through an extremely dangerous adventure that she was still able to persevere through.

So, despite her not existing back at my home, I can still see her being my niece.

“Listen. Now that we have introductions out of the way, we’ve got to find a way to get our Scrooge McDuck back and send this one home.” this world’s Ms. Beakley declared.

I nodded.

This world’s Ms. Beakley is right!

Besides, I can’t wait to rub this in all the explorers’ faces when I get back.

Notes: Ok. This fanfic is probably gonna be 5 or 6 chapters long. This fanfic was inspired by a fanfic I read years ago called Batswitch on fanfiction.net which was written by @quinquinis. In it, the Bruce Wayne Batman from one universe was switched with the Richard Grayson Batman from another universe. What caused the 2 Scrooges to be put in this situation will be revealed later in this fanfic. Also, thanks for reading.

[fangirlinglikeabus]

i read some non vna dw books a while ago but because i am a Clown i’ve only just finished typing up notes on them...i think my next dw book i’ll make notes as i go rather than just marking the pages and Hoping I Remember. anyway! here’s my thoughts on thirteen doctors 13 stories. i have more opinions on some than others. 

A BIG HAND FOR THE DOCTOR

"...Susan, who was possibly the only person in the universe who could make the Doctor smile at the mere thought of her."

awwwwww

didn't really like this one that much - i wasn't too impressed with eoin colfer's characterisation of the first doctor (esp since pre-ian and barbara i don’t think he’d willingly attempt to stop some villains until susan was in danger)

THE NAMELESS CITY

Polly...once described him as looking like an unmade bed.

lmao

...he didn't know exactly what he was, though when he was growing up, he had heard tales of the legendary fairy creatures of the Unseelie Court who haunted Scotland's deepest valleys. He suspected the Doctor might be one of the dark Sith.

HEAVILY vibe with this concept the world is saved by bagpipes.......peak dw THE SPEAR OF DESTINY

"You know what I love about London?" he said, turning to her briefly. She sighed. "I'm sure I can't guess." "It's the only city in the universe where you can drive around in a car that's seventy years old and get away with it." "Who says you're getting away with it?" Jo muttered. 

nkdfsjksn

"Fire away!"

"Oh, Doctor, please. Not after that business at the museum."

no doctor is immune to the temptation of a good pun. no matter how inappropriate. actually i really like how jo and three are written in this generally. there's so many good scenes. also, when the doctor asks her why she doesn't know anything about the vikings: "Doctor, we did the Romans. Every year." rip jo

From a distance the Doctor watched as a group of about twenty men loaded the TARDIS on to the back of a large low wagon pulled by four sturdy oxen.

jo: the doctor told me about the perception filter on the tardis so it'll be fine! they won't even spot it. literally the next scene, immediately:

She longed to stand and give this old goat a piece of her mind, but she knew she'd most likely fall over if she tried, which wasn't the effect she was after.

aw jo :(

"Do you know they wash once a week?" "Could have fooled me," muttered Jo.

*desperately resists the urge to write down every jo line in this story*

"I have the ship. And I have the spear. What need have I of you any more?"

the master is betrayed. to the surprise of no-one but himself.

The Doctor held her by the shoulders. "My dear girl," he said. "That is very noble of you. You were right. Your aspirations /are/ the very noblest. But you're wrong about something. Nothing is more important than you."

me, sobbing:

ROOTS OF EVIL

realised as i was reading this that i don't own any books featuring leela.....a crime

"Surprise!" the Doctor said. "You know you were complaining that you missed trees?"

this is actually the cutest thing no-one look at me

She could never understand why the Doctor was so careless of danger. It was a good thing he had her to look after him, she thought, as he opened the TARDIS door and they stepped out together into dim, green light and the earthy, warm-compost smell inside the great tree.

phillip reeve gets the four+leela dynamic. like. he Gets it. 

"It will not hurt you," she promised. "It is called a 'scarf'. It is like a cloak, only pointless."

ousdofnsoksfd

"Did it look a bit like a gravel pit? You'd be amazed how many alien worlds look just like gravel pits..."

what is doctor who. without quarry jokes.

"I mean, he's wearing a bow tie!" the Doctor explained patiently. "Ridiculous objects! I wouldn't be seen dead in a bow tie!"

1) says the guy who wears an obnoxiously long scarf everywhere 2) honey, you've got a big storm coming

TIP OF THE TONGUE

there's a scene in this where nyssa and the doctor chill at a diner and they drink chocolate milkshakes together. this is all i care about.

Good Lord, was that celery he was wearing on his lapel?

Yeah We Know

"Are you British?" Nettie said, as if this was the most surprising part of the whole thing.

i mean, fair

He paused. "I don't suppose either of you would be interested in travelling?"

the fifth doctor: hey one of my friends died recently and i abandoned the other one but i really miss having a large crew so i was wondering if you two literal children would like to risk your life travelling with me :)

SOMETHING BORROWED

you'd think given this one is from peri's pov she'd be slightly more central to the plot. ah well.

"That's two storeys up!" I exclaimed. "And I'm in heels." "Well then, you should have worn more sensible shoes, shouldn't you?"

maybe she lives in hope that she won't have to do any running/scale buildings every time she steps out of the tardis. i get that. 

"Well, you are the expert when it comes to gaudy," I said, giving a meaningful look to his red-and-yellow plaid coat and green tie.

every six story is legally obligated to drag his coat

The Doctor shook the man's hand vigorously. "Yes, yes. A little different round the edges since our last meeting on Kiri 4, but all the charm and intellect are still here."

i love this bastard.......

"Love? That contrived, chemically driven state of idiocy?"

mood

A clatter of metal was the sole warning I had before a hole in the ceiling suddenly opened, and the Doctor came tumbling down to the floor, landing in an ungraceful heap of rainbow plaid. Nonetheless, he rose to his feet with all the dignity of an Olympic gymnast who'd just landed a perfect somersault.

not to sound like a broken record but i would Die for this idiot

withholding myself from using more quotes to illustrate my unbridled love for the sixth doctor whom..........

"You might regret not helping me with this one day," she  [the Rani] called over to us. "Your next regeneration may be sooner than you think."

Huh. I Wonder What That's Referring To

RIPPLE EFFECT

From the look on his face, Ace reckoned that a visit to the Time Lords was something similar to her having to visit the dentist back on Earth.

i mean to be fair.....the time lords are a whole lot worse although in this case the doctor's reasons for not wanting to visit are: (i) they're 'old, boring and judgemental' (ii) they have stupid clothes and a stupid non-intervention policy (iii) they treat him 'like a naughty schoolboy' (can't have that in front of your companion!)

i apparently didn't have many comments to make on this one. um...it was good. i liked the idea of an alternate universe with nice daleks. MOVING ON

SPORE

"They're all dead....everyone's dead, flesh turned to liquid. It moves...There are things! Moving things! They're alive..." Major Platt looked up at the Doctor. "The caller became incoherent after that and disconnected shortly after." The Doctor drummed his fingers thoughtfully against the top of the aluminium folding-table between them. "Hmm...That really doesn't sound very good."

YEAH YA THINK?

"I was at the opera," the Doctor explained, "when my phone went off."

this is his excuse for That outfit. really just copying everything from grace here huh

THE BEAST OF BABYLON

She also didn't yet know that he wasn't a man at all.

yeah cos he's non-binary duh

"So now we're landing on Earth," he shouted, "two thousand years before the birth of Christ..." "Who?" "He was a bit like Sherlock Holmes. Knew the answers to everything. Very good at solving mysteries. Some humans use him to measure time."

obsessed with the implications of this dialogue...

THE MYSTERY OF THE HAUNTED COTTAGE

absolutely love the concept of this one...a world created from martha's memories of reading a famous five expy as a child

"What?" Martha said defensively, keeping her voice down. "That's how he was described in the books. Don't blame me. This was 1951. Everything back then was blinkered, sexist, and ever-so-slightly racist. It was a backward time." "Ah, yes," said the Doctor, "because 2007 has none of those things."

vibe with this convo

"Am I lonely?" Martha asked. "You're a particle of dust," the Doctor said. "Of course you're not lonely." "I sound lonely." "Well you're not; you're having a great time."

this conversation where the doctor tells martha to imagine herself as a particle of dust has exactly the same kind of energy as discussions you have at 3am at a sleepover

NOTHING O'CLOCK

Amy looked irritated. She wasn't irritated, but she liked to give him the impression she was, just to show him who was boss.

yeah...

ok the villains in this one are actually really fucked up like. it's been a While since i read it now because i procrastinated on making these notes but they were Good creepy. thank you mr gaiman. 

LIGHTS OUT

now THIS is one where the pov heavily contributes to the story...

He turns to look at me with piercing, hollow-set grey eyes, then furrows his impressive silvery brows. "I'm buying a coffee," he says. "For a girl."

so THAT'S why twelve took so long to find coffee for clara......he wasn't buying it on earth. good vibes

TIME LAPSE

i absolutely LOVE the concept for this one, which is that the year 2004 completely disappears from records

A typed envelope reading The Doctor, The TARDIS, Ex-Gallifrey followed by a long string of numbers, letters, and things that probably were letters but looked like they came from about eight different languages.

obsessed with the fact that (i) you can apparently send letters to the tardis, like it has an actual address (mel throwing a message in a bottle into space doesn't seem so unreasonable now huh...) (ii) part of this address is 'ex-gallifrey'

this dude gets rejected. and is so badly embarrassed that he erases 2004 from existence. i promise i'm not making this up.

[mewhenhorrormovies]

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we

say in Texas, you couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions

printed on the heel. You are a canker, an open wound. I would rather

kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You took your last vacation in

the Islets of Langerhans.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little

worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a

cad, and a weasel. I take that back; you are a festering pustule on a

weasel's rump. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench,

a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same

species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at

the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut.

Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are

a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. You are a technicolor yawn.

And did I mention that you smell?

You are a squeaking rat, a mistake of nature and a heavy-metal bagpipe

player. You were not born. You were hatched into an unwilling world

that rejects the likes of you. You didn't crawl out of a normal egg,

either, but rather a mutant maggot egg rejected by an evil scientist

as being below his low standards. Your alleged parents abandoned you

at birth and then died of shame in recognition of what they had done

to an unsuspecting world. They were a bit late.

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting

to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a

nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able

to access it ever so much more rapidly. If cluelessness were crude

oil, your scalp would be crawling with caribou.

You are a thick-headed trog. I have seen skeet with more sense than

you have. You are a few bricks short of a full load, a few cards short

of a full deck, a few bytes short of a full core dump, and a few

chromosomes short of a full human. Worse than that, you top-post. God

created houseflies, cockroaches, maggots, mosquitos, fleas, ticks,

slugs, leeches, and intestinal parasites, then he lowered his

standards and made you. I take it back; God didn't make you. You are

Satan's spawn. You are Evil beyond comprehension, half-living in the

slough of despair. You are the entropy which will claim us all. You

are a green-nostriled, crossed eyed, hairy-livered inbred

trout-defiler. You make Ebola look good.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid,

nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an

ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with

you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in

a land that reality forgot. You are not ANSI compliant and your markup

doesn't validate. You have a couple of address lines shorted together.

You should be promoted to Engineering Manager.

Do you really expect your delusional and incoherent ramblings to be

read? Everyone plonked you long ago. Do you fantasize that your

tantrums and conniption fits could possibly be worth the $0.000000001

worth of electricity used to send them? Your life is one big

W.O.M.B.A.T. and your future doesn't look promising either. We need to

trace your bloodline and terminate all siblings and cousins in order

to cleanse humanity of your polluted genes. The good news is that no

normal human would ever mate with you, so we won't have to go into the

sewers in search of your git.

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and

obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living

emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a

loathsome disease, a drooling inbred cross-eyed toesucker. You make

Quakers shout and strike Pentecostals silent. You have a version 1.0

mind in a version 6.12 world. Your mother had to tie a pork chop

around your neck just to get your dog to play with you. You think

that HTTP://WWW.GUYMACON.COM/FUN/INSULT/INDEX.HTM is the name of a

rock band. You believe that P.D.Q. Bach is the greatest composer who

ever lived. You prefer L. Ron Hubbard to Larry Niven and Jerry

Pournelle. Hee-Haw is too deep for you. You would watch test patterns

all day if the other inmates would let you.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are

deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of

wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted.

Spammers look down on you. Phone sex operators hang up on you.

Telemarketers refuse to be seen in public with you. You are the source

of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

May you choke on your own foolish opinions. You are a Pusillanimous

galactophage and you wear your sister's training bra. Don't bother

opening the door when you leave - you should be able to slime your

way out underneath. I hope that when you get home your mother runs

out from under the porch and bites you.

You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock.

You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted

boggish foot-licking half-twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You

gormless crook-pated tosser. You bloody churlish boil-brained clotpole

ponce. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You cockered

bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You

dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. May your

spouse be blessed with many bastards.

You are so clueless that if you dressed in a clue skin, doused yourself

in clue musk, and did the clue dance in the middle of a field of horny

clues at the height of clue mating season, you still would not have a

clue. If you were a movie you would be a double feature;

_Battlefield_Earth_ and _Moron_Movies_II_. You would be out of focus.

You are a fiend and a sniveling coward, and you have bad breath. You

are the unholy spawn of a bandy-legged hobo and a syphilitic camel.

You wear strangely mismatched clothing with oddly placed stains. You

are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just knowing that

you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go

away. You are jetsam who dreams of becoming flotsam. You won't make

it. I beg for sweet death to come and remove me from a world which

became unbearable when you crawled out of a harpy's lair.

It is hard to believe how incredibly stupid you are. Stupid as a stone

that the other stones make fun of. So stupid that you have traveled

far beyond stupid as we know it and into a new dimension of stupid.

Meta-stupid. Stupid cubed. Trans-stupid stupid. Stupid collapsed to

a singularity where even the stupons have collapsed into stuponium.

Stupid so dense that no intelligence can escape. Singularity stupid.

Blazing hot summer day on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one

minute than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. It cannot

be possible that anything in our universe can really be this stupid.

This is a primordial fragment from the original big stupid bang. A pure

extract of stupid with absolute stupid purity. Stupid beyond the laws

of nature. I must apologize. I can't go on. This is my epiphany of

stupid. After this experience, you may not hear from me for a while.

I don't think that I can summon the strength left to mock your moronic

opinions and malformed comments about boring trivia or your other

drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped

away most of your of what you wrote, because, well ... it didn't

really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was

pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a

load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after

you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more

success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal"

people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering.

But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this

world who find these things to be difficult. If I had known that this

was true in your case then I would have never have exposed myself to

what you wrote. It just wouldn't have been "right." Sort of like

parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the

emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a

demand on you.

P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful,

cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable,

belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal,

fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic,

brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame,

self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, fraudulent,

libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, EDLINoid,

illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking,

devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic,

fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased,

suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim,

crazy, weird, dyspeptic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim,

unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive,

mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive,

abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, and Generally Not Good.

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Garth Ennis Is A Hack

by Rude Cyrus

Friday, 10 April 2009

Rude Cyrus is deservedly rude about The Boys.~

Once upon a time, superheroes were seen as protectors of the innocent, bringers of justice, and saviors of mankind. When I was a kid, there was no greater thrill than watching Superman pummel giant robots or stop a plane from crashing into a city. As time went on, the public began to tire of flawless beings that could do no wrong, so creators began to make the heroes more “realistic”, at least in terms of character. Antiheroes like Wolverine and The Punisher became popular while concepts like vigilantism would be explored in comics like Watchmen.

Unfortunately, the pendulum swung a little too far during the ‘90s, a decade where you couldn’t swing a dead badger without hitting some DARK and GRITTY antihero. This is the same decade that gave birth to Image Comics, a publisher that needs to make an acquaintance with an H-Bomb. All you need to know about Image Comics is that it took over the canceled Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtlesfranchise and turned Donatello into a cyborg. That says it all.

This brings me to the present and The Boys, a comic series written by Garth Ennis and illustrated by Darick Robertson (which I keep pronouncing as “da’ Rick”).

Let me just say that I hate this series. I don’t hate it because it’s ultra-violent and ultra-sexualized. I don’t hate it because it makes superheroes (or “supes” as they’re called here) turn out to be a bunch of amoral douchebags. I don’t hate it because I think Garth Ennis is an overrated hack who’s convinced everyone he’s a genius. No, I hate it because I can’t stand the characters.

Everybody, with few exceptions, is thoroughly repugnant. Just look at the main characters:

Billy Butcher is a sociopath with a neck the size of a ham and a perpetual smirk plastered on his face. He owns a bulldog named Terror that can fuck things on command; seemingly hates supes because one raped his wife, who ended up dying because the fetus ripped through her stomach. Butcher ended up beating said fetus to death with a lamp.

Wee Hughie joined The Boys after his girlfriend was accidentally killed by a supe named A-Train. Much of the series is focused on following Hughie’s thoughts and actions, which is unfortunate because he’s a wet blanket with exactly three facial expressions: anger, incredulity, and shit-eating grin. He’s also a dead ringer for Simon Pegg – I suspect Ennis was sitting around, smoking pot, and said to himself, “Dude, wouldn’t it be cool if Simon Pegg had superpowers?”

Mother’s Milk is a somewhat decent guy, which means he gets shoved into the background more often than not. He seems to derive his powers from an entity he calls “Momma” in a process that makes him vomit. Why does he have to do this? Who cares, let’s watch a midget use a massive vibrator!

The Frenchman and The Female are psychotic killers with the ability to rip people apart with their bare hands. Defining characteristics: one is French, the other lacks a penis. Garth Ennis doesn’t give a shit about them, so why should I?

And what would a team of morally dubious antiheroes be without a team of superheroes to oppose them? Enter the Seven, an analogue of the Justice League, filled with characters that make The Boys look like The Boy Scouts. The only good member of the group is Starlight, and she’s constantly degraded by the other members, whether it’s forced into wearing a more revealing outfit, giving fellatio to the male members of the group as a “test”, or nearly being raped by the aforementioned A-Train. It’s also strongly hinted that Homelander (leader of the Seven and Superman analogue) was the one who raped Butcher’s wife.

What a charming bunch. Thankfully, it’s not all bad, as Starlight later becomes Hughie’s girlfriend. It’s a match made in heaven, as they’re both outstandingly bland.

Other notable characters include a CIA analyst with a fetish for female paraplegic athletes, a CIA director that frequently has humiliating sex with Butcher, and recurring cameos by Stan Lee – okay, he’s called the Legend, but it’s supposed to be Stan Lee. Perhaps “Exposition Man” would be a better name, because all he does is talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk…

Speaking of stereotypes, there are quite a few on display here. For example, there’s the two fat, hairy, greasy, comic book store-owning Italian brothers who are constantly using variations of “fuck” and threatening their customers with graphic violence; the enormous bearded Russian who talks about communism and the Motherland all the time; the “East Coast vs. West Coast” superhero teams that are always fighting each other, throwing up gang signs and using the n-word. I kept wondering why Garth Ennis was doing this, and I settled on “because he thinks it’s funny.” See, Ennis is pointing out how absurd these stereotypes are, so it’s not really racist, right? Right?

Despite all of this, I forced myself to read all 29 issues, which, at times, felt like I was cutting off my legs with a rusty hacksaw – oh, look, the Russian guy is called “Love Sausage” because he has a fifteen-inch cock! Oh look, Hughie has menstrual blood on his face from oral sex because Starlight was on her period! Oh look, one of the superheroes can vomit acid! Isn’t that a knee-slapper? Worse still was the heavy-handed social and political commentary that Ennis shoehorned in, ranging from how St. Patrick’s Day sucks, to how the military-industrial complex has the United States in a chokehold, to American politics (the President and Vice President being analogues for Dick Cheney and George W. Bush, respectively), to how superheroes are evil. He even uses 9/11 to make his point, for fuck’s sake. Basically, one of the hijacked planes crashed into the Brooklyn Bridge (the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were spared) because the Seven tried to save the day but bungled it due to incompetence and selfishness. Do you see? SUPERHEROES ARE EVIL!

No, that wasn’t what made me stop reading this comic. What made me stop was the latest story arc, called “We Gotta Go Now”. The Boys have to investigate the public suicide of Silver Kincaid, a member of the G-Men (no prizes for guessing who they’re supposed to be an analogue of), for reasons I can’t be bothered to look up. Hughie has to go undercover and infiltrate one of the younger G-teams (as “Bagpipe”, because he’s Scottish, get it?) called G-Wiz. See the subtle pun there?

It’s immediately apparent that something is off with G-Wiz – sure, they might seem to be your average fraternity (i.e. boorish drunks obsessed with bodily functions), but they’re a little too comfortable with each other, if you catch my drift. Couple this with the revelation that G-Men’s leader, John Godolkin (analogue of Charles Xavier – apologies for all the analogues) actually abducted almost all of the G-Men when they were kids and turned them into superheroes, the fact that he refers to the G-Men as his “children”, and all of the dark mutterings of “what we had to deal with” and things start becoming clear.

At this point I thought, “No way. There’s no way Ennis would be so cheap and unoriginal. There has to be more to this.” I read issue 29, and, lo and behold, one of the characters confirmed my worst fears:

John Godolkin is a child molester.

That was the last straw. It wasn’t because one of the villains was a pedophile; rather, it was because Garth Ennis had resorted to such tacky exploitation in order to wring an emotion from his audience. Instead of taking the time to craft something novel, Ennis, out of sheer laziness, decided to go for the biggest heartstring and yank. Why have a complex villain when you can just say, “He’s an evil kid-toucher! BOOGA BOOGA!”

I’m sure Ennis pats himself on the back every day for what he thinks is scathing criticism on the superhero genre and insightful commentary on numerous aspects of life. He isn’t clever, creative, or even likable. He’s just a lazy hack. My smoldering ire also extends to the fans that keep buying this dreck and give it good reviews. What the hell is wrong with these people? My guess is that, in their minds, they equate DARK, GRITTY, and SERIOUS with being good. In my mind, it’s just BULLSHIT, BULLSHIT, and more BULLSHIT.

Themes:

Damage Report

,

Sci-fi / Fantasy

,

Comics

~

bookmark this with - facebook - delicious - digg - stumbleupon - reddit

~Comments (

go to latest

)

Wardog

at 17:17 on 2009-04-10I don't know what to say ... I am completely flabbergasted by the awfulness of this. Why on earth is it garnering praise?

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Arthur B

at 17:26 on 2009-04-10Once upon a time the publishers of

2000 AD

thought it would be great to hand over all the writing duties for the comic for a few months to Garth Ennis, Grant Morrison, and various hangers-on. Why they thought this was a good idea was a mystery because Garth had already proven he shouldn't be trusted with other people's properties when in

Strontium Dogs

(the sequel series to

Strontium Dog

) he pulled a blatant retcon out of his capacious arse to turn the sweet, gentle comic relief character The Gronk into a psychotic gun-toting protagonist. Nonetheless, the magazine went ahead with the Summer Offensive, as it called the promotion (because, you see, it's Garth Ennis and he likes being offensive, and it happened in the summer), and the general tone of the comic went from "12A bordering on 15" (in movie age rating terms) to "18 certificate and a big argument about violence in the media on the side", which prompted the parents of certain younger subscribers, such as myself, to cancel the magazine.

And that's how Garth Ennis ruined

2000 AD

for an 11 year old Arthur.

Seriously, the man is awful. I think the only thing he's done that I've actually liked was

Hellblazer: Dangerous Habits

. Frustratingly, that was brilliant. He's capable of not being an idiot if he tries, he just

doesn't try

.

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Rude Cyrus

at 19:49 on 2009-04-10This was actually nominated for an Eisner Award for "Best Continuing Series" in 2008. And comic bok fans wonder why so many people don't take comics seriously.

Thanks for the image, by the way.

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Wardog

at 20:35 on 2009-04-10For a moment there I was wondering if you meant the image of an 11 year old Arthur but then I realised you meant the literal image that illustrates this article. I hope it's okay - I chose the cover that most annoyed me :)

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Sonia Mitchell

at 23:23 on 2009-04-10This series sounds horrific. Thank you for the warning.

(I badly want to google cyborg Donatello. I'd like to think it can't be as disastrous as I'm imaginging, but that would probably be naive. I'm therefore restraining myself...)

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Arthur B

at 00:46 on 2009-04-11

Oh hey look what else Image have published.

On the other hand, they also put out

The Walking Dead

, which

I really like

.

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Guy

at 03:59 on 2009-04-11Speaking of Image, this is one of the most funny/disturbing things I've ever read: Rob Liefeld's 40 worst drawings: http://progressiveboink.com/archive/robliefeld.html

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Arthur B

at 15:04 on 2009-04-11I'm amazed they were able to find 40 drawings worse than

the infamous Captain America one

.

Actually, I'm not amazed, Liefeld is terrible. Oh God, the feet...

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http://webcomcon.blogspot.com/

at 06:31 on 2010-07-11Thread necromancy: After reading this article from the random button, I'm reading

The Boys

out of morbid curiosity. I've gotten through the first couple of storylines, issues one through ten. It's about as disgusting as Rude Cyrus has said, with everything as juvenile and pointlessly violent and so forth.

One of the annoying things is that there are occasionally glimmers of interest that make me think "You know, if Garth Ennis actually gave a shit, and stopped dropping tons of stupid violence and stupid sex and stupid ham-fisted 'haha the gay activist is violently afraid of actual homosexuals' shit, he might actually be able to make some points about 'how do we make superheroes accountable?'" One advantage of

The Boys

is that, unlike

Civil War

, it's just one author, so there aren't a bazillion different axes being ground. And it doesn't seem like it's constrained by being a DC Comics Continuity Event, the way

Civil War

was a Marvel Comics Continuity Event. And every once in a while, it seems like Ennis might have something to say on the matter.

But it inevitably degenerates into "hurr hurr supes are pervs, butcher punches them." Fuck you, Ennis, for being wasted potential.

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http://webcomcon.blogspot.com/

at 06:32 on 2010-07-11Aack, unclosed HTML tags. Sorry! (I'm used to a forum that won't let me post if I have unmatched tags, and didn't check.)

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Rami

at 05:43 on 2010-07-12@webcomcon: Fixed it for you. I'm afraid FerretBrain doesn't really do warnings -- but we do suggest using the Preview button!

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http://blackgeep.livejournal.com/

at 18:20 on 2010-07-13Continuing thread necromancy!

I am a comic book artist. I detest

The Boys

with a deep, abiding disgust. My employer thinks it's brilliant. He is also a big fan of Liefeld (needs more pouches!), so go figure. While

The Boys

is bad, try having your only income being working on the dream project of someone who likes

The Boys

, and feel your artistic integrity shrivel.

I actually considered sending in issue one of

Polis

(what I'm paid to draw) to Ferretbrain for a review; I may yet do that alongside

Polis

issue two and my own side project for what the great minds here could find a fun comparison. "The world is corrupt and drug-addled, corporations are evil, and our main hero is an amoral Cape [superhero] with few redeeming qualities." versus "A space princess and space pirates act terribly toward one another, but all in good fun." I asked my employer, and he thinks any publicity is good.

Speaking of "Cape" and "Supe", what is this allergic reaction to the word superhero? Yes, superhero is a long word, but so is computer. From my perspective, it would seem more likely that superhero would get shortened to just hero. Then advert campaigns about "The

real

heroes of X city: our policemen and firefighters" would take on a whole new weight. Plus, I haven't met many people who say 'puter, and compy only caught on after Strongbad popularised it.

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Dan H

at 19:11 on 2010-07-13I think the thing about abbreviating "superhero" to something like "cape" or "supe" (did Watchmen use "mask" or am I making that up) is that it highlights the fact that this is an EDGY SERIOUS WORK OF FICTION about EDGY DARK CHARACTERS not some KIDDY THING about SUPERHEROES.

Because as we all know, nothing screams "maturity" like going to great lengths to appear mature.

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http://blackgeep.livejournal.com/

at 21:32 on 2010-07-13The thing which screams maturity the best is to have everyone swear all the time, and put blood and torture on every page. The ability to engage in traditionally adult themes while employing transgressive story elements such as bodily fluids, misogyny, and rape is the hallmark of an individual whose mind has progressed past puerile adolescent fascination. As you said, superheroes are so childish. We aren't writing stories about superheroes under a different name. These are adult stories about well rounded characters employing serious themes. Just like Terry Goodkind is definitely not a *pfft*

fantasy author.

Sarcasm over, I honestly don't remember if

Watchmen

used "mask." I guess I've just lost some comix-cred.

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https://me.yahoo.com/a/O9dPXbw3peUAacFQM4aervEXf232TbhO0FE-#dcc46

at 13:13 on 2011-10-28Hey guys. I'm aware this is a few years old but just discovered the site and enjoying it, even when I disagree.

But this is the only one I think I needed to comment on.

Firstly, Garth Ennis is demonstrably not a hack. That's just incredibly lazy.

Secondly, this review seems to have totally failed to come to terms with the text.

OK. I'm not going to argue against certain points here. There's gross out humor, there's swearing, there's a hamster well-up in a zombie's bum. There's puke and disgusting, disgusting periods that no man should ever have to read about (cos girls, right! ew. The writer of this article agrees!) and there's even some blood and guts and a superhero orgy and someone strangles Scarlet Witch with a belt!

But.

The scene where poor old Annie, Starlight, has to service six members of the Seven to get in? It's awful. And a considerable part of the text is concerned not only with her coming to terms with the assault but (and how often to you see this?) actually come to terms with and starting to heal from the assault.

The two black teams who scream the N word at each other? There's no discussion of the young black man who is going to be forced into one of the teams who sees nothing he recognises of his experiences in tired mainstream hip hop lingo and posing. A man who has begun to understand that to become a superstar, he has to enter into a well-dodgy narrative.

No discussion of the good people warped into being celebrities and what that costs them, which is the central metaphor of the book.

Or the actual honesty when Hughie, who's never met a gay man but has to hang out in a gay club and suddenly finds his liberal sensibilities a bit overwhelmed. A scene that's never, ever played for cheap gay joke laughs.

The point of Hughie going down on a girl with a period is not that it's gross and his mates laugh at him. It's that he refuses to let something as dumb as that get in the way of his relationship with Annie. He cops some jokes and some pisstaking but then will not let the deathly embarrassed girl freak out over what turns out to be ... nothing at all.

In recent years, we've also seen a cheap man-on-man 'Dark Knight Returns' rape joke actually turns out to actually be a proper discussion on the reasons why a chap might not be able to discuss it with his friends. And what that cost him.

St Patrick's Day sucks? Surely an repatriated Northern Irishman who grew up in the Troubles has nothing to say about the immigrant experience to the United States. What a hack!

As for scoring political points off 9/11.... mate. Welcome to the world. I fail to even see an argument here.

I'm not going to say everyone should love The Boys. And sometimes I get a bit weary of schoolboys bleeding out of their arses and all the rest. And I think Ennis has made his point about religion by now. I do. (Spoiler alert: Preacher)

I like the comic but I don't expect everyone to be able to laugh like I do when the mentally ill Batman analogue has sex with a meteor.

So don't like it. That's cool. It's not like I'll gnash teeth if you don't like what I like. But this review has really failed to come to grips with and has actively misrepresented the text.

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Arthur B

at 13:32 on 2011-10-28Hi dcc46, welcome to Ferretbrain!

I've not read

The Boys

but I have read enough Ennis to at least address this point:

Firstly, Garth Ennis is demonstrably not a hack. That's just incredibly lazy.

You know what else is incredibly lazy? Basing your writing career so heavily on cheap shock tactics which come across like a 13 year old trying to be edgy. I couldn't get past the first volume of

Preacher

because Ennis' obsession with gore, fucking, and other scatological subjects just became intensely monotonous. His contributions to 2000 AD were much the same. His

Hellblazer

run started out brilliantly - I think

Dangerous Habits

is both the best thing he's written and the best

Hellblazer

story that

anyone

has written - but I couldn't abide the rest of it precisely because he kept falling back into bad habits.

When a man makes a career out of indulging his puerile instincts to an extent where consistently and repeatedly his material degenerates into lame attempts to be shocking for the sake of it, that's pretty hackish.

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https://me.yahoo.com/a/O9dPXbw3peUAacFQM4aervEXf232TbhO0FE-#dcc46

at 13:51 on 2011-10-28Well, if that's all you've read of Hellblazer, that's cool. When he was, what, 21, he wrote that. There was a bit of a fall off in quality before he'd come back with stories of Kit and Ric the Vic and end up telling stories of the devil contrasted with the nasty realities of racial politics in early 90s London.

If you passed on Preacher, that's cool. That second story arc is uninspired. But you missed out on a a meditation of faith, friendship, watching a man try to navigate between his old-fashioned 'chivalry' and a woman who refused to be patronised or left behind.

So I honestly don't see shocking for shocking's sake. I see bad taste. But I've never felt there's a kind of splatter punk aesthetic at work.

That's sort of my point.

I see humour that may or may not work for you. But I'm suggesting to you that if you can get past the guts and jizz all over the shop. And if that's really a sticking point for you, then you won't ever get into it.

But I think your wrong if puerility is all you get out of the work.

I know you had issues with his early 2000AD run. I never got that. I'm Australian and 2000AD seemed to ship... on a madman's calendar. So I can't comment on that.

So I tell you what. Try something like his PG Hitman. His war stories, where he reigns himself in. His Punisher MAX, which is humorless as a Derek Raymond novel.

But I'll split you the difference: Jennifer Blood is fucking awful.

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https://me.yahoo.com/a/O9dPXbw3peUAacFQM4aervEXf232TbhO0FE-#dcc46

at 14:05 on 2011-10-28Anyways, I'm off.

But, a hack writer is a bad writer. Matt Reiley is a hack writer. He's bad at the English language, his plots are hackneyed, his haircut is stupid.

If you don't like Ennis' work, that's cool. But just because you think he wraps things up in grossness doesn't make him a bad writer -at all-. He's an accomplished writer with themes and metaphors and all that writery stuff.

Nevertheless, good site. Talk later.

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valse de la lune

at 16:00 on 2011-10-28

So don't like it. That's cool. It's not like I'll gnash teeth if you don't like what I like. But this review has really failed to come to grips with and has actively misrepresented the text.

How quaint; you appear to be gnashing your teeth exactly because Cyrus didn't like the thing. I also agree with Arthur's assessment of Ennis: overrated hack pandering to things teenage boys--usually teenage white boys at that, what with the n-word thing--find oh so edgy and clever.

Preacher

is absolutely fucking unreadable and I spit in its general direction.

And, while you can certainly use the word "hack" to denote a poor writer--which I'd argue Ennis

is

, at that--his general attitude and output are pretty hacky too, in the lowest-common-denominator sense.

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Rude Cyrus

at 20:31 on 2011-10-29Here's the thing: whatever good points or ideas Ennis may have are ruined by the juvenile shock tactics he wraps them in -- it's one thing to use violence and sex occasionally and for great effect, it's another to use them

all the time.

For example, I can agree with Ennis that St. Patrick's Day is an excuse for every American with a drop of Irish blood to wear green and get sick on beer, but when he ends this commentary on a close-up on a hat filled with puke, it makes me roll my eyes.

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Show / Hide Comments -- More in April 2009

[themurphyzone]

Why Glomgold’s Evil Scheme is a Colossal Failure Waiting to Happen

I love Glomgold’s hammy speeches in the Mark Beaks episode! So the real question is, what happens afterward? This isn’t a serious fic. 

“AT LAST!” Glomgold proclaimed triumphantly, settling into the cushy chair behind the security camera footage. “That imbecile Beaks fell for my devious and brilliant trap! Now, time to enjoy the emotional distress on his STUPID face as it slowly dawns on his tiny birdbrain that there is no billionaire’s convention aboard the yacht! MWAHAHAHAHA!” 

He abruptly stood up, throwing his arms into the air as he laughed maniacally. Then the chair tipped over, sending him crashing to the ground. 

(Glomgold sadly lacked the common sense to not make declarations of destroying enemies while standing on rolling chairs.)

Glomgold dusted himself off, unfazed. “In a few hours, we shall be settling on my private jet so we can personally greet him at Krakatoa and watch him die together! Wouldn’t that be grand, Scroogie, er, I think you were number 187?” 

The Scrooge dummy, which was just a log with a top hat, googly eyes, and featherduster cheeks, remained silent in the corner of the room. 

Beaks walked into the third camera’s view, though he seemed more interested in the blasted device in his hand than the yacht taking him to his doom. Glomgold pulled Scrooge #187 to his side, so he could also revel in the inevitable despair that would slowly consume the upstart billionaire. 

It was a good thing he invested in audio that could detect a pin dropping within a five mile radius. 

“Aha! The yacht where the billionaire’s convention takes place!” Beaks exclaimed, turning to face the opposite direction. He held his phone up to the sky at arm’s length, an obnoxious grin on his face. “Awesomesauce!” 

“Yes, enjoy your simple pleasures while you still can,” Glomgold growled. “It will be so much more delicious when you taste the soul-crushing reality of your isolation! Wait, what are you doing?” Beaks stopped every few steps up the ramp while raising his phone and doing...something. 

Something that was obviously not the face of an enemy realizing they’d been tricked and sent on a one way to ticket to their demise. 

“Taking so many of these I gotta tag it with something new! Uh, yacht selfie. Nah, not catchy enough,” Beaks murmured to himself. “Billionaire boat bash? C’mon, better. Aha! Livin’ it yacht style! Perfect!” 

“Just. Get. On. The. Yacht,” Glomgold snarled. “He’s worse than you when it comes to holdin’ up plans!” He pointed an accusatory finger at Scrooge #187. 

He loved it when Scrooge wasn’t able to make a cutting remark. 

A nearby phone rang, and Glomgold quickly picked it up. “Glomgold, the target is currently on the ramp taking selfies. He doesn’t suspect a thing,” the henchman on the other end said. “However, he appears to be taking an obscene amount of time coming up the ramp. Can I have clearance to shove him on the deck?” 

“I can see that,” Glomgold muttered, glancing at the feed. There was a large, muscular henchman disguised as a seaman waiting on the deck, tapping his foot as he watched Beaks slowly ascend the ramp while taking selfies. “Permission granted. Show him where the buffet is, but after that no further contact. I want him to learn how gloomy isolation can be while tossing and turning on the seven seas! Will that be all?” 

“Well there’s an issue with my pay I’d like to discuss-”

Glomgold grabbed a stack of papers and threw them everywhere, kicking a cabinet and scattering various knickknacks. “I can’t hear you! Ah, Scrooge has found me! He appears to be overpowering me! Oh no, I am defeated! Curses! He ripped my favorite kilt and said my bagpipes sound like a great-grandmother’s funeral! Talk to you some other time!”  

He hung up, sighing in relief. Talk about a close one. 

The henchman lifted Beaks by his jacket and dropped him roughly on the deck. “Yo! Where my fellow rich peeps at?” Beaks greeted, not even looking up from his phone. “No offense man, but the hat makes you look like a peasant. Not even worth a Snapchat filter.” 

The henchman cleared his throat. “They’re...hiding somewhere.” 

Beaks nodded. “Cool, cool. So I bet they’re throwing a surprise party, huh? Say, what’s the wifi password on board?” 

“Yes, a surprise party,” the henchman muttered. “The password is ‘Scroogestinks’, with a capital ‘S’ in Scrooge.” 

“And I am in!” Beaks cheered. “We cool, man? Cause I am going to where the food is. Do you have any idea how hard it is to maintain a social media presence on an empty stomach? Oh, who am I kidding? With that receding hairline, you’d probably only have twenty followers tops.” 

Beaks walked away, his thumbs tapping at the screen. 

“JUST PUT THE PHONE DOWN!” Glomgold roared. “YOU’RE ABOUT TO DIE GRUESOMELY FOR THE LOVE OF HAGGIS! NOW PREPARE TO TREMBLE BEFORE THE MIGHT OF FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD! MWAHAHAHAHA!” 

He stopped, frowning and pushing a button on the phone to summon a repairman. 

“You rang, sir?” a scrawny dog in overalls poked his head in. Glomgold grabbed his snout and threw him into the chair. 

“This room doesn’t have my thunder and lightning effects when I’m going ‘MWAHAHAHA!’” Glomgold complained. “You see? Nothing! If this room doesn’t have that wired by the time I come back from watching my second most hated enemy get his flesh melted in lava, I will see that you get thrown to RAVENOUS, MAN-EATING HOUNDS! Good day.” 

He grabbed Scrooge #187 and headed to his private jet, rubbing his hands gleefully. 

Beaks was a complete idiot, but he would slowly realize there was no billionaire’s convention with a little time. 

Glomgold turned off the TV in the plane, curling up on the seat next to Scrooge #187. 

“Scrooge, your worst habits are rubbing off on Beaks,” Glomgold said. “I invested so much money into the buffet and what does Beaks do? Not drown his sorrows in delicious coconut shrimp! He barely looked at the food! All he said was something about trending and an Instagram, what is that, a breakfast cereal? What am I doing wrong here?” 

Scrooge #187 said nothing, though a featherduster came off the side of his head. 

Glomgold gasped. “Why, Scroogie! You’re so terrified of me that your stupid feathercheeks are falling out! Let me get that for you-oops, clumsy me!” He ripped a few of the feathers out, stamping them into the floor. “THIS IS FOR NOT DYING SOONER! THIS IS REVENGE FOR THAT TIME YOU HUMILIATED ME IN FRONT OF THE PRESS! THIS IS FOR EVERY SECOND YOUR UGLY MUG EXISTS, THE LOT OF YOU!” 

After several minutes of smashing everything in sight, he stepped on the TV remote. The screen flickered to life. 

Glomgold’s eyes widened. After four agonizing, painful hours, he had done it! He broke Beaks! 

Beaks lay on the countertop by the shrimp, his phone resting face-down on his chest. He plucked one from the pile, tossing aside the tail. 

“I can’t believe this,” Beaks said. 

“YES!” Glomgold exclaimed. 

Suddenly a grin crossed his face. “I have found those two on social media at long last!” Beaks smirked. “Prepare for flames!” 

“WHAT?” Glomgold screamed. “NO! GORGE IN DESPAIR! YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE DOING A STUPID VICTORY DANCE!” 

Outraged, he threw the remote through the screen, cracking it. 

“You’d think someone would try to appreciate the effort I put into my plans,” Glomgold scoffed to Scrooge #187. 

At long last, the moment of triumph was in his grasp. “Well, well. If it isn’t my second most hated person in the world,” Glomgold declared. “You dared to be my competitor, and you shall pay for your transgress-hey, pay attention to your own demise! I don’t see any agony!” 

Beaks held his phone above the water, grabbing hold of the shark’s fin. “Ha! Shark tank yolo!” he laughed. “I should totally get one of these babies for me!” 

“Shark Guy! Why aren’t the sharks attempting to feast on his remains?” Glomgold demanded. 

Shark Guy shrugged. “I haven’t gotten around to training these two for your evil schemes yet.” 

“WELL, GET ON IT THEN!” Glomgold roared, and Shark Guy cowered. “EAT HIM! CRUSH HIM! CHASE HIM OUT OF THE POOL UNTIL HE FALLS BLINDLY INTO THE LAVA!” 

Next to him, Scrooge #187′s other featherduster fell off, dropping into the lava below. Beaks continued to take pictures with the sharks, completely oblivious to the lava he was supposed to die in. 

“FINE! NOBODY LISTEN TO ME!” Glomgold snarled, lifting Scrooge #187 above his head. He might as well take what little victory he could get now. Before he could send Scrooge #187 to his doom, the railing broke and sent him plummeting to the molten rock below. 

“I hate you. I hate you so much,” Glomgold grumbled, folding his arms as best he could with the handcuffs. 

“The feeling is mutual,” Scrooge replied, a smug grin on his face. “You and Beaks were lucky Launchpad crashed through Krakatoa when he did.” 

Glomgold paid little attention to the sound of Donald’s furious quacks at Beaks. Something about exploiting his boys at Waddle. He didn’t really care. 

Scrooge gestured to his practice dummy with his cane. “Losing your touch, Flinty. You just haven’t been able to top the one made out of fool’s gold.” 

“Shut up,” Glomgold muttered. 

[nuttersincorporated]

My thoughts on the final episode of Samurai Jack

Thoughts under the keep reading

I loved seeing those that Jack had helped again. We got to see more of those Jack helped than we did in episode 7; Triceraquins, the blue gorillas, the archaeology dogs, the robots and the 300 were all in this one. I may have squeed a bit when the gorillas were shown. ‘Jack Learns to Jump Good’ was one of my favourite episodes from the original four seasons.

When the archaeology dogs were walking down hill, I saw Malphs. It looks like the theory that the dogs where digging in a future version of a destroyed Townsville is still alive and well… does Jack going back in time undo the original The Powerpuff Girls and instead we end up with the crappy new version of it? Jack, maybe killing Aku wasn’t worth it.

Yay! We got to see the original opening again! Aku might be evil but he is a showman at heart (he’s just not good at telling children’s stories).

Poor Ashi. It must have been horrifying to still be conscious but fighting a losing battle against the literal evil that was trying to overwhelm her.

I found it really creepy when ‘evil Ashi’ turned her head around until her face was on the other side of her head. In fact, every time she changed her shape to look less human, it was much more unsettling then when Aku did the same thing. I think it’s because we got to know her as a human first that the body horror was so much more effective as it fell into the Uncanny Valley. That and she doesn’t speak. There was none of Aku’s wisecracking so her movements were more important to how we perceived her.

I love how happy Jack looked when he realised that everyone had come to his aid. Ashi had told him that hope lived because of him but I don’t think he ever truly realised how much he meant to people until this point. He has inspired people, saved them and given people the courage to keep fighting. When Jack saw how he’d given others hope, it gave him back his own.

Jack was filled with hope and a renewed sense of purpose. Aku was just nonplussed. His response was basically, “What are you all doing here? I can and will kill you all but this amuses me a little so I’ll let you try for a while.”

It was nice to see the army of Aku again. He used them to fight Jack’s father. They were in second ‘The Birth of Evil’ episode and the last episode. Aku’s birth and death.

Celtic magic and the Scotsman’s bagpipes change the tide of the war. I love the Scotsman and his daughters ❤ I used to think he’d lost his leg in battle but now I think he was born without his left leg because while his ghost form was restored to its youthful appearance, his leg was not restored. He is always badass.

The Scotsman tried to high five Jack, bless him. I like how they have a conversation in the middle of the battle with Jack being upset that the Scotsman is dead but happy he’s still around and the Scotsman trying to set him up with one of his 35 daughters (I think it was 35, it was hard to count because he said their names so quickly).

“I don’t think she’s your type, laddie.” Is this really the time? Yes, yes, it is. I’m glad that Jack and the Scotsman got to talk again before the end.

Aku was just so chill about everyone who turned up to fight him. “You guys all have a death wish. I don’t care if you are in a giant Samurai robot, you’ll still die. Did any of you really think this would work?”

Jack fought his way through the darkness that has consumed Ashi to save her and it worked!

Debate time! Who was a worse parent; Aku from Samurai Jack or Ego from Guardians of the Galaxy volume 2? The answer is the High Priestess and Thanos. I know those answers weren’t options but it’s the truth. Aku and Ego were absentee fathers, until they turn up in Ashi and Peter’s adult lives to be abusive assholes. The High Priestess and Thanos were around to be abusive parents to Ashi and her sisters, and to Gamora and Nebula when they were children.

I should have predicted that once Ashi broke free of Aku’s control, she could use her powers to send Jack back in time. I did not so I enjoyed the moment of realisation. Aku’s reaction in both the past and future was a, “Well this isn’t good,” moment.

When Jack’s father beat Aku with the sword, Aku wasn’t really gone. He just got trapped in tree form. This time it seems he’s really dead. I’m not sure why it worked this time around.

All the people who helped train young Jack came to celebrate, his mother and father were there and they managed to rebuild their city. It really did feel like coming home.

Boo! That’s not how time travel works! Either Ashi should have disappeared the moment Aku was defeated or she should have stayed for the rest of her natural life despite the changed timeline. The only reason Genndy Tartakovsky kept her around just to make her fade away right before she could get married to Jack was to try and make it sadder. It would have been sad no matter when she’d faded away but this makes no darn sense now.

It was a good ending with Jack starting to recover a little from his grief and see colour in the world again when he saw the ladybird.

I know that Genndy Tartakovsky wanted to have a bittersweet ending but I don’t think he needed to make Ashi fade away to do it. In fact, it makes a huge plot hole doing that.

Ashi did exist. Jack remembers her, everyone who met her in Jack’s time remembers her and Jack would not have got back from the future if she didn’t exist. Jack remembers so it happened. Just because there’s a new timeline now, doesn’t mean that the other one didn’t happen in another parallel universe.

Stuff I’d still like to know-

Is Jack still biologically immortal? Traveling to the future stopped him ageing and I don’t see why traveling back would undo that.

Since Aku hasn’t destroyed the time portals anymore, will Jack one day use the one that the Guardian protects?

An alternative ending could have been that Jack and Ashi (who still kept Aku’s powers) live long enough to see the future where Aku never took over. It’s a better world but not one that they feel that they truly belong to. They’ve lived too long, seen and done too much. When they run into this different future’s version of the Scotsman, he doesn’t recognise Jack.

Final thoughts. I loved this season of Samurai Jack. I haven’t always agreed with all the choses that were made with the story and how it was told but that doesn’t change the fact that overall I loved it.

[robbyrobinson]

Samurai Jack (Fan Ending)

In order for there to be peace, sometimes a sacrifice must be made. For fifty years, Jack had sacrificed any chance he could've had to return home in order to help those under the tyrannical Aku's rule. However, after all those efforts, Aku had ensured that the misplaced samurai would never return home. Aku had destroyed every time portal in existence, including the one that was lorded over by the Guardian. Despite not staying to see the results, Aku had driven his most hated foe to the brink of clinical depression. He was tormented by his failures for a long time, at least until he had found hope in the form of Ashi. Even though they were bitter enemies when they first met, they had slowly grown to care about each other. Ashi became enamored with Jack when she began to realize that all of the devastation running amok on the Earth was by her former god's rule. She tried to deny that Aku was truly the evil one, but after seeing the entire cataclysm of his regime, she saw that Jack was correct. When Jack disappeared once, Ashi grew to appreciate Jack when she sees all of the good deeds that he had performed for so many people. Her love for Jack grew stronger whilst her hatred dwindled overtime. With the last piece of her childhood – her mother – expelled from her life, Ashi began to get closer to Jack.

As for Jack himself, while he slowly began to reciprocate Ashi's love for him, he was at the very least reluctant. The last time that he grew to care about a young woman, it was eventually brought to the light that it was his nemesis in disguise. Despite growing closer to Ashi during their quest to destroy Aku, Jack still tried to distance himself from her out of fear of losing her. His worst fear became realized the moment Aku confirmed that Ashi was his blood daughter, her mother having drunk his essence years ago. The evil essence within Ashi quickly overtook her, turning her into a horrid abomination in the likeness of her father. Jack desperately tries to talk his love into fighting that bit of darkness from within her to no avail. With no way of getting out of this situation without resorting to killing Ashi, Jack relents to his hated foe, and was to be publicly executed. Now, Jack was desperately trying to hang onto his life.

Ashi wrapped her hands around Jack's neck, slowly squeezing the life out of him. Jack tried to take a few gulps of air as his throat was being crushed by his lover. Jack attempted to slide himself out of her grasp, but the more he squirmed, the tighter the grip around his neck was. Jack had several encounters of near-death in his fifty years of being in this dystopian future. He could always find a way to free himself from a tight grip, but now, there was no use of trying to fight it. There was no way of getting around it. Jack was going to die then and there by his lover's hands.

"Ashi," Jack weakly says in the midst of unconsciousness.

Jack tried to reason with what used to be Ashi ever since he was brought to Aku's palace, but all his pleading seemingly fell on deaf ears. For all of his concern, Ashi was forever gone, and there was no hope of getting her back. Jack closes his eyes for the final time, waiting for death to take him. At the last minute, Jack felt the pressure from Ashi's hand slowly disappear. Jack was wholly convinced that he was now dead, and slowly opened his eyes. Rather than being in the presence of any of the gods or any other supernatural creature, Jack sets his eyes on Ashi. Her demonic face morphs back to her human face, and she smiles at him. Jack weakly returns the smile to her. It would seem that Ashi finally was able to overcome her dark side. However, the reunion was cut short when they both heard the voice of a certain demonic overlord.

"Is he dead yet?" inquired Aku, looming over the two.

Ashi shakes her head in defiance. "No, not now, or ever," she hissed.

The Shogun of Sorrow gritted his teeth in anger. He had given his daughter this one simple request, and yet she somehow was able to override his order. Throughout this turn of events, Aku gave the two an enraged scowl.

"Ashi, I am disappointed in you," Aku growls "I had given you this one task, and you are going to do what I say!"

Ashi got in front of Jack, and stared up at her father, sharing an equal look of disgust. "You are not my father."

Aku was taken aback by her comment for a moment. First this woman deprived him of the pleasure of seeing Jack finally die, and now here she is declaring that she was not related to him. That was as much as he was going to take. Aku morphs his hands into sharp blade-like protrusions, and he lunges at the two. Without much warning, Ashi morphs her hand into a similar protrusion as her father, baffling both him and Jack at the same time. Refusing to lose, Aku fires streams of lasers from his eyes to engulf the two, only for the lasers to become neutralized when Ashi performed the same trick.

"Ashi, you have Aku's powers!" exclaims Jack.

Ashi looked down at her hands in amazement. "I do!"

Learning this, Ashi extends her arm across the room, and retrieves the sword, angering Aku further. Aku may have been playing around earlier, but now he was genuinely enraged. "Enough!"

Aku fires a stream of lasers at Jack, laughing madly whilst doing so. With nothing to shield Jack from the lasers, it was a given that Jack would be vaporized on sight. Jack closes his eyes in anticipation of the lasers.

"Jack!" a voice screamed out.

Jack immediately opens his eyes, his mouth agape with horror. Ashi was standing in front of Jack, taking the full blow of Aku's powers. The lasers seared deeply into Ashi's flesh, inflicting her with excruciating pain. This pain was worse than the pain she experienced years ago when her mother tossed her into a pit of burning coal. Ashi continued to take the lasers into herself until Aku ceased fire. Ashi's charred body slowly collapses to the ground.

"Ashi, no!" yelled Jack. He quickly runs to her towards her. Upon reaching her, Jack carefully cradled her in his arms. He desperately looked for a pulse, but there wasn't one. Tears began to streak down the samurai's cheeks as he cradled his face against hers.

"What a worthless daughter she was," groaned Aku. Jack immediately turns his angered look on him. This monster had taken everything that he had cared for from him; he destroyed his home, he enslaved his father, he robbed him of his birthright….and now, he had taken away the only woman that he had ever loved – his own daughter no less. Jack bit down on his lower lip, intense. Aku merely laughs at his enemy's look of despair on his face. "You must have really loved her," he sneers.

Jack – with sword in hand – angrily races towards the demon, clearly with the intent to kill. Aku swiftly dodges a blow from the sword, and swats at Jack. Jack is flown across the room, his body colliding with a wall. As Aku approached Jack, Jack tried to make a grab at his sword, only for it to be moved from beyond his reach by Aku. Jack lunges at the demonic overlord with his fists; in retaliation, Aku transforms his hand into a hammer, and he hits Jack with enough force to make a hole in the wall. Jack groans in agony, his blood gushing from open wounds. Laughing at this, Aku transforms his hand into a dagger, and intimidates Jack with it.

"This time, you will die, Samurai," laughed Aku.

Before he could do the finishing blow, a loud noise filled the noise causing Aku to cover his ears. The Scotsman flies towards Aku, blaring his bagpipes loudly. This is followed by the Scotsman's many daughters, who proceed to pelt Aku with several objects. Enraged, Aku takes his mind off Jack, thus giving him the perfect opportunity to escape. As Aku fought furiously with the Scotsman and his daughters, a sudden surge of pain arose in the demonic overlord. Looking down, he sees that Jack had landed a blow on him. Initially horrified by this, Aku immediately began to transform. Aku's size shifts towards a more animalistic size, and his limbs became sharper and pointed, with the addition of a tail. Jack immediately recognizes this form as that of a scorpion's.

Without hesitation, Jack attacks the scorpion, all while avoiding his stinger. With sword in hand, Jack severs the legs of the scorpion, causing Aku excruciating form. Aku began to transform again; this time, the horns to the sides of his head converge, and bend clockwise. Aku charges at Jack, attempting to ram him with his horns. Jack jumps at the last minute, and slices Aku in half. The two halves diverge into one creature. Aku develops wings, and attempts to escape through the opening of his palace. Unwilling to let him go, Jack says a quick prayer before tossing the sword skyward. The sword gets lodged deeply into Aku's body. Slowly, Aku is drawn into the sword, and the sword falls onto the ground. Reclaiming the sword, Jack slams the sword onto the ground, releasing a weakened Aku. Jack lowers the sword on Aku.

Aku grinned devilishly at Jack. Even though he knew that the end was near for him, he couldn't help but to muster up a chuckle; a weak one, that is. "You may have beaten me now, Samurai, but as long as there is evil, I will never truly be gone." Aku tilts his head thereby allowing a deep laugh to emit from his throat. Without as much as a word, Jack lodges the sword into Aku's chest, causing his evil essence to flow from the open wound. Aku laughs wholeheartedly as his essence seeps out onto the floor. Jack sighs in relief; after all of these years, he had finally defeated Aku. While his allies celebrated, Jack immediately remembered Ashi, and he races towards her body. He looks down at the crisp corpse before him, and he gets down on his knees. The Scotsman and the others looked on at Jack as he mourned for Ashi. The Scotsman floats over to Jack, and tries to pat his back, despite forgetting that it would be physically impossible.

"I'm real sorry for your loss, laddie." Jack looks up towards the Scotsman and smiles in an appreciative way. As they made their way out of Aku's palace, they heard a slight cough. They turn around to see that the coughing was coming from Ashi. Shocked, Jack runs to her side, and looks down at her. Sure enough, Ashi was still alive. Jack was relieved to see that she was. "Ashi…"

He gets interrupted by another deep cough from her. Jack's smile immediately left him. Ashi weakly raises her hand to caress his cheek. "Jack, I feel as though this is it for me." Jack's eyes widen in horror. He shook his head defiantly. "No, no, there must be a way!" insisted Jack. Ashi shakes her head causing Jack to shake visibly. He couldn't believe it; even though he had finally killed Aku, Ashi was still going to die. He remembered how earlier he had said that he didn't want her to become just another memory, but it seems that his words were more prophetic than he had hoped. What Ashi said next made him especially surprised.

"Jack, remember when you talked to me about your home?" Ashi asked.

"Yes."

"What if I made it so that you could see it again?"

A confused expression spread across Jack's face. "But Ashi, Aku had destroyed all of the time portals" Jack explained "there is no hope of me never going home."

Ashi pressed her lips together and emitted a sound reminiscent of her father. Before Jack could conceive what was happening, there stood before him a time portal. Jack looked at the time portal and then back at Ashi. "Ashi…"

Ashi nodded her head. "Please Jack," she chokes out "return to your time and defeat my father there."

Jack returned his glance at the time portal. Jack was reluctant; he knew that if he went back in time to slay Aku, the future would cease to be, and none of them would exist. Jack tried to talk himself out of using it. "But if I leave, none of you would exist…"

The Scotsman floats over to Jack with a smile on his face. "Laddie," he began "I think it's best that you start thinking about yerself." Jack was surprised by his response. "But then you wouldn't…" The Scotsman cuts him off. "I wouldn't be born?" Jack nods his head. The Scotsman gave a whole-hearted laugh. "Friend, don't you know how awful that big baby's rule was?" He lays his ghostly bagpipes onto the ground before continuing. "Thousands of younguns were suffering under Aku's rule for years; the threat of death loomed over us for years. If going back in time to kill the baby will stop everything from happening, then I'd rather not be around to see it." Jack was perplexed by his explanation, but he nodded his head.

Jack walks towards the time portal before him. Before jumping into it, he analyzed the room, and saw all of his allies. From the archers to the Spartans, everyone was there to bid Jack farewell. Jack tried to keep himself from crying, but a few fresh tears managed to escape his tear ducts. "Thank you all for saving me" he declares "even if I am never able to see any of you again, I will remember all of you until I die." With that being said, Jack jumps into the time portal, and he began to travel through it. Jack felt at peace. He smiles to himself in resignation; just as he was about to reach his destination, he could've sworn that he had felt someone holding his hand. He looked around the time portal, seeing that no one was there.

Jack slams his sword onto the ground, releasing a weakened Aku from the sword. As he readied his sword for the final blow, Aku sneered at him. "You may have beaten me now, but I will destroy you in the future," hisses the demon. Jack shakes his head, unfazed by his threats. "There is no future for you, Aku!" A devilish smile spread across his face. "I disagree." Aku conjures up a time portal, and whisks Jack into the future. With his hated rival gone, Aku gets up from the ground in triumph. "Do not worry, Samurai," he began "you will see me again, but next time, you will not be fortunate."

Before he could finish his thought, a rip in time appears above him. "What?" he screamed. To his horror," Jack had seemingly returned to the past. "You're back already?!" Not wasting any time, Jack rushes towards Aku, and makes a sharp incision in his body. In fear, Aku attempts to flee. Aku morphs into a larger form, only to see that Jack jumped and was about to dissect him in two with the sword. Jack took no break with making mincemeat out of his hated rival; after all of the suffering and misery that he had placed on his shoulders, Jack was taking immense satisfaction at hacking away at Aku. With the last of Aku attempting to escape, Jack jumps into the air yet again, and impales Aku through the head with his sword. Aku's essence slowly absorbs into the sword, engulfing it. With Jack's anger reaching its zenith, he stabs the sword into the ground, watching Aku's essence crawl up the walls of his palace. Realizing that the building was about to explode, Jack quickly rushes out of the building. A blinding light erupts from the lair, taking it down with the dreaded demon. Jack sighs in relief.

"It is done."

The Emperor hung alone, his arms restrained. Ever since Aku kidnapped and enslaved him, he was worked to a point that he became small and frail. His life had been nothing but continual torture at Aku's hands. While he had some hope that his son would slay the demon, thoughts of his son failing to defeat Aku and dying for his efforts filled him with sorrow. Whilst alone wallowing in his misery, he sensed a presence in the room. He cringed at the idea that it was Aku, returning to torture him. Or worse yet, perhaps now he would kill him. He had been through such suffering he was more than willing for death. He craved death. The Emperor closes his eyes, awaiting his inevitable execution. Instead, he was in for a surprise; a pleasant one, but a surprise nonetheless.

"Father?"

The Emperor opens his eyes in surprise. His eyes slowly adjusted, and he beheld his son in front of him. He opened and closed his eyes several times, tears filling his eyes. He couldn't believe it. He was quite certain that Aku had killed his son, and who he was seeing was just an apparition. Jack reaches forward and touches his father's shoulder. A smile cracked across his face.

"Father I have done it," Jack declares triumphantly "Aku is no more."

[apostleshop]

Daily Reading and Meditation

Great News has been shared on https://apostleshop.com/daily-reading-and-meditation-30/

Daily Reading and Meditation

Daily Reading and Meditation Wednesday (March 21): “The truth will make you free”

Gospel Reading:  John 8:31-42 

31 Jesus then said to the Jews who had believed in him, “If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples, 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” 33 They answered him, “We are descendants of Abraham, and have never been in bondage to any one. How is it that you say, `You will be made free’?” 34 Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, every one who commits sin is a slave to sin. 35 The slave does not continue in the house for ever; the son continues for ever. 36 So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.

37 I know that you are descendants of Abraham; yet you seek to kill me, because my word finds no place in you. 38 I speak of what I have seen with my Father, and you do what you have heard from your father.” 39 They answered him, “Abraham is our father.” Jesus said to them, “If you were Abraham’s children, you would do what Abraham did, 40 but now you seek to kill me, a man who has told you the truth which I heard from God; this is not what Abraham did. 41 You do what your father did.” They said to him, “We were not born of fornication; we have one Father, even God.” 42 Jesus said to them, “If God were your Father, you would love me, for I proceeded and came forth from God; I came not of my own accord, but he sent me.

Old Testament Reading: Daniel 3:14-20, 24-25,28

14 Nebuchadnezzar said to them, “Is it true, O Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the golden image which I have set up? 15 Now if you are ready when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, to fall down and worship the image which I have made, well and good; but if you do not worship, you shall immediately be cast in and who is the god that will deliver you out of my hands?” 16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. 17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace; and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. 18 But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image which you have set up.”

19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was full of fury, and the expression of his face was changed against Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He ordered the furnace heated seven times more than it was wont to be heated. 20 And he ordered certain mighty men of his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and to cast them into the burning fiery furnace. 24 Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up in haste. He said to his counselors, “Did we not cast three men bound into the  fire?” They answered the king, “True, O king.” 25 He answered, “But I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a  son of the gods.” 28 Nebuchadnezzar said, “Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who has sent his angel and delivered his servants, who  trusted in him, and set at nought the king’s command, and yielded up their bodies rather than serve and worship any god except their own God.

Meditation: Do you know the joy, peace, and freedom which God offers to those who trust in him and obey his word? God sent his Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, to bring us God’s kingdom of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17). Jesus came to rescue us from our sinful pride and slavery to sin. He came to rescue us from Satan’s snares and the clutches of hell, and to free us from the world’s temptation to empty glory and lust for greed and power. Only Jesus can truly set us free and reconcile us with God – every other way falls short of God’s plan to save and deliver us from death, corruption, and sin.

Why did the religious authorities reject Jesus’s offer of freedom, forgiveness, and new life in the kingdom of God? Despite Jesus’ numerous signs and miracles, the Jewish authorities could not accept his claim to speak and act in the name of his heavenly Father. They were blinded by their misguided ideas of how the Messiah would restore Israel and rule the earth. And Jesus revealed to them how Satan had led them into temptation – both to reject him as the Messiah and to thwart his claim by killing him.

Jesus met their opposition and hostility with courage and determination to do his Father’s will. He willingly embraced the cross in order to destroy the works of Satan and to save both Jews and Gentiles through his atoning sacrifice for the sin of the world. Jesus shows us the way to the kingdom of God – through faith and obedience to God’s word and will for our lives. To be a follower and disciple of the Lord Jesus requires faith and obedience – they are two sides of the same coin. The word disciple literally means one who learns from the Master and who listens to the voice of the Teacher. And the word for obedience literally means to listen under and be subordinate to the one who has rightful authority to teach and command what is just and true.

The free gift of faith How can we grow in faith and discipleship – by faithfully following the Lord and obeying his word. Faith is a free supernatural gift of God. It is more than just a belief in the truths of God. It is first and foremost a personal relationship of trust and obedience to the Lord and his word. The Lord is worthy of our complete trust and wholehearted devotion because he is utterly reliable, just and true, and he is faithful to his word. That is why we can entrust our lives to him and submit to him without reservation.

God does not leave us in the dark or remain distant and silent. He reveals himself to all who earnestly seek him and hunger for his truth. God, in fact, first seeks us out and draws us to himself. We could not find him if he did not first seek to reveal himself to us. That is why we need to respond to God’s gracious gift of invitation with an open and receptive heart that wants to listen, learn, and receive what God wishes to give us. Saint Augustine of Hippo (354-430 AD) said, “I believe, in order to understand – and I understand, the better to believe” (Sermon 43:7,9).

The test of faith In the Old Testament Book of Daniel we see a remarkable example of faith being put to the test in the midst of trial and adversity. When Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, the three young companions of Daniel, were commanded by the king of Persia to bow down and submit to the pagan idols of his nation, they unhesitatingly said, “We will not serve your gods or worship the golden image which you have set up” (Daniel 3:18). They knew God’s command, “Do not worship false idols”(Exodus 20:3-6; Deuteronomy 12:29-31). They decided it was far better to obey God and entrust their lives to him rather than give in to the threats of others. God gave them courage to take a bold stand for their faith. They willingly accepted the King’s punishment as they were bound and thrown into a burning fiery furnace.

Daniel tells us how God was very present to these three young men as they proclaimed their faith in him. God showed his presence to the three men and walked with them in the fiery furnace. As a remarkable sign of God’s power to the pagan rulers of Persia, God kept the three men from harm and delivered them from death (Daniel 3:25,28). Do you trust in God to give you his help and strength when your faith is put to the test?

True and false sources of identity The scribes and Pharisees, who were the religious authorities of the Jews, questioned Jesus’ authority to speak and act in God’s name. They questioned Jesus’ claim to forgive sins and to set people free from slavery to sin. They understood that only God had power to forgive sins and to release people from their burden of guilt and shame. They refused to accept that Jesus’ authority was given to him by his Father in heaven. Jesus tells them that they think evil of him and desire to kill him because they are under the influence and power of the “father of lies” who is opposed to the one true Father and Creator who made us in his image and likeness (Genesis 1:26-27).

Jesus explains that he is speaking of two different senses of “fatherhood”. The first is a physical identity through natural fatherhood. And the second and more significant identity is a self-chosen one that is the result of being led and formed in a moral way of thinking and living one’s life that has been shaped through the example, words, and influence of someone we are consciously or unconsciously following and imitating.

We do not grow or learn in a vacuum. We are shaped for better or for worse by those we choose to imitate and follow. Sin leads us away from God’s truth and the help he gives us to follow him. Slavery to sin is ultimately rooted in the father of lies (John 8:44), whom Scripture calls the devil (Luke 4:1) and Satan (Luke 10:18), the ruler of this present world who is opposed to God (John 12:31; 2 Corinthians 4:4).

True freedom comes from God The freedom which Jesus offers his followers is freedom from the power of sin, Satan, and the worldly influence of those who oppose God and his ways. We are powerless to set ourselves free from bondage to Satan, sin, and death (Romans 3:23; 5:6). That is why the Lord Jesus took our sins upon himself and nailed them to the cross (1 Peter 2:24; Isaiah 53:5-6; Colossians 2:14). His death on the cross has won victory and pardon for us, and peace with God. Through Jesus’ sacrifice we are not only forgiven and reconciled with God – we become the adopted sons and daughters of God (Romans 8:14-16). We can call God our Father because the Lord Jesus has reconciled us and redeemed us from slavery to sin and Satan.

A redeemed slave is not entirely free until all of his chains and weights have been broken and destroyed. The Lord Jesus alone has the power to release us from every chain and burden that would keep us in bondage to sinful habits and hurtful desires. Are there any chains – any sinful patterns, harmful attitudes, and addictive behavior – that you need to be released from? Allow the Lord Jesus to unbind you and bring you healing, pardon, and freedom to walk in his way of love and truth. The Lord Jesus sets us free from slavery to our own selfishness and sinful desires in order to set us free for a joy-filled life of love and service for his kingdom. Paul the Apostle reminds us that Christ has won freedom for each one of us – not to serve ourselves or do as we please - but rather to please the Lord and to serve our neighbors in love for their sake (Galatians 5:1,13). Do you accept and believe Christ’s word of truth, love, and freedom for your life?

“Lord Jesus, write your words of love and truth upon my heart and make me a diligent student and a worthy disciple of your word.”

Psalm 18: 25-27

25 With the loyal you show yourself loyal; with the blameless man you show yourself blameless; 26 with the pure you show yourself pure; and with the crooked you show yourself perverse. 27 For you deliver a humble people; but the haughty eyes you bring down.

A Daily Quote for Lent: The upright of heart, by Augustine of Hippo, 354-430 A.D.

“Do you know who the upright of heart are? They are those who wish what God wishes. Therefore, do not try to twist God’s will to you own but correct your will to that of God. The will of God is a rule of conduct. By it you have the means of being converted and of correcting your evil ways.” (excerpt from Commentary on Psalm 93,18)

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[fevie168]

Wednesday (April 5):"The truth will make you free"

Gospel Reading: John 8:31-42

31 Jesus then said to the Jews who had believed in him, "If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples, 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." 33 They answered him, "We are descendants of Abraham, and have never been in bondage to any one. How is it that you say, `You will be made free'?" 34 Jesus answered them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, every one who commits sin is a slave to sin. 35 The slave does not continue in the house for ever; the son continues for ever. 36 So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.

37 I know that you are descendants of Abraham; yet you seek to kill me, because my word finds no place in you. 38 I speak of what I have seen with my Father, and you do what you have heard from your father." 39 They answered him, "Abraham is our father." Jesus said to them, "If you were Abraham's children, you would do what Abraham did, 40 but now you seek to kill me, a man who has told you the truth which I heard from God; this is not what Abraham did. 41 You do what your father did." They said to him, "We were not born of fornication; we have one Father, even God." 42 Jesus said to them, "If God were your Father, you would love me, for I proceeded and came forth from God; I came not of my own accord, but he sent me.

Old Testament Reading: Daniel 3:14-20, 24-25,28

14 Nebuchadnezzar said to them, "Is it true, O Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the golden image which I have set up? 15 Now if you are ready when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, bagpipe, and every kind of music, to fall down and worship the image which I have made, well and good; but if you do not worship, you shall immediately be cast in and who is the god that will deliver you out of my hands?" 16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. 17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace; and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. 18 But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image which you have set up."

19 Then Nebuchadnezzar was full of fury, and the expression of his face was changed against Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He ordered the furnace heated seven times more than it was wont to be heated. 20 And he ordered certain mighty men of his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and to cast them into the burning fiery furnace. 24 Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up in haste. He said to his counselors, "Did we not cast three men bound into the  fire?" They answered the king, "True, O king." 25 He answered, "But I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a  son of the gods." 28 Nebuchadnezzar said, "Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who has sent his angel and delivered his servants, who  trusted in him, and set at nought the king's command, and yielded up their bodies rather than serve and worship any god except their own God.

Meditation: Do you know the joy, peace, and freedom which God offers to those who trust in him and obey his word? God sent his Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, to bring us God's kingdom of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17). Jesus came to rescue us from our sinful pride and slavery to sin. He came to rescue us from Satan's snares and the clutches of hell, and to free us from the world's temptation to empty glory and lust for greed and power. Only Jesus can truly set us free and reconcile us with God - every other way falls short of God's plan to save and deliver us from death, corruption, and sin.

Why did the religious authorities reject Jesus's offer of freedom, forgiveness, and new life in the kingdom of God? Despite Jesus' numerous signs and miracles, the Jewish authorities could not accept his claim to speak and act in the name of his heavenly Father. They were blinded by their misguided ideas of how the Messiah would restore Israel and rule the earth. And Jesus revealed to them how Satan had led them into temptation - both to reject him as the Messiah and to thwart his claim by killing him.

Jesus met their opposition and hostility with courage and determination to do his Father's will. He willingly embraced the cross in order to destroy the works of Satan and to save both Jews and Gentiles through his atoning sacrifice for the sin of the world. Jesus shows us the way to the kingdom of God - through faith and obedience to God's word and will for our lives. To be a follower and disciple of the Lord Jesus requires faith and obedience - they are two sides of the same coin. The word disciple literally means one who learns from the Master and who listens to the voice of the Teacher. And the word for obedience literally means to listen under and be subordinate to the one who has rightful authority to teach and command what is just and true.

The free gift of faith How can we grow in faith and discipleship - by faithfully following the Lord and obeying his word. Faith is a free supernatural gift of God. It is more than just a belief in the truths of God. It is first and foremost a personal relationship of trust and obedience to the Lord and his word. The Lord is worthy of our complete trust and wholehearted devotion because he is utterly reliable, just and true, and he is faithful to his word. That is why we can entrust our lives to him and submit to him without reservation.

God does not leave us in the dark or remain distant and silent. He reveals himself to all who earnestly seek him and hunger for his truth. God, in fact, first seeks us out and draws us to himself. We could not find him if he did not first seek to reveal himself to us. That is why we need to respond to God's gracious gift of invitation with an open and receptive heart that wants to listen, learn, and receive what God wishes to give us. Saint Augustine of Hippo (354-430 AD) said, "I believe, in order to understand - and I understand, the better to believe" (Sermon 43:7,9).

The test of faith In the Old Testament Book of Daniel we see a remarkable example of faith being put to the test in the midst of trial and adversity. When Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, the three young companions of Daniel, were commanded by the king of Persia to bow down and submit to the pagan idols of his nation, they unhesitatingly said, "We will not serve your gods or worship the golden image which you have set up" (Daniel 3:18). They knew God's command, "Do not worship false idols"(Exodus 20:3-6; Deuteronomy 12:29-31). They decided it was far better to obey God and entrust their lives to him rather than give in to the threats of others. God gave them courage to take a bold stand for their faith. They willingly accepted the King's punishment as they were bound and thrown into a burning fiery furnace.

Daniel tells us how God was very present to these three young men as they proclaimed their faith in him. God showed his presence to the three men and walked with them in the fiery furnace. As a remarkable sign of God's power to the pagan rulers of Persia, God kept the three men from harm and delivered them from death (Daniel 3:25,28). Do you trust in God to give you his help and strength when your faith is put to the test?

True and false sources of identity The scribes and Pharisees, who were the religious authorities of the Jews, questioned Jesus' authority to speak and act in God's name. They questioned Jesus' claim to forgive sins and to set people free from slavery to sin. They understood that only God had power to forgive sins and to release people from their burden of guilt and shame. They refused to accept that Jesus' authority was given to him by his Father in heaven. Jesus tells them that they think evil of him and desire to kill him because they are under the influence and power of the "father of lies" who is opposed to the one true Father and Creator who made us in his image and likeness (Genesis 1:26-27).

Jesus explains that he is speaking of two different senses of "fatherhood". The first is a physical identity through natural fatherhood. And the second and more significant identity is a self-chosen one that is the result of being led and formed in a moral way of thinking and living one's life that has been shaped through the example, words, and influence of someone we are consciously or unconsciously following and imitating.

We do not grow or learn in a vacuum. We are shaped for better or for worse by those we choose to imitate and follow. Sin leads us away from God's truth and the help he gives us to follow him. Slavery to sin is ultimately rooted in the father of lies (John 8:44), whom Scripture calls the devil (Luke 4:1) and Satan (Luke 10:18), the ruler of this present world who is opposed to God (John 12:31; 2 Corinthians 4:4).

True freedom comes from God The freedom which Jesus offers his followers is freedom from the power of sin, Satan, and the worldly influence of those who oppose God and his ways. We are powerless to set ourselves free from bondage to Satan, sin, and death (Romans 3:23; 5:6). That is why the Lord Jesus took our sins upon himself and nailed them to the cross (1 Peter 2:24; Isaiah 53:5-6; Colossians 2:14). His death on the cross has won victory and pardon for us, and peace with God. Through Jesus' sacrifice we are not only forgiven and reconciled with God - we become the adopted sons and daughters of God (Romans 8:14-16). We can call God our Father because the Lord Jesus has reconciled us and redeemed us from slavery to sin and Satan.

A redeemed slave is not entirely free until all of his chains and weights have been broken and destroyed. The Lord Jesus alone has the power to release us from every chain and burden that would keep us in bondage to sinful habits and hurtful desires. Are there any chains - any sinful patterns, harmful attitudes, and addictive behavior - that you need to be released from? Allow the Lord Jesus to unbind you and bring you healing, pardon, and freedom to walk in his way of love and truth. The Lord Jesus sets us free from slavery to our own selfishness and sinful desires in order to set us free for a joy-filled life of love and service for his kingdom. Paul the Apostle reminds us that Christ has won freedom for each one of us - not to serve ourselves or do as we please - but rather to please the Lord and to serve our neighbors in love for their sake (Galatians 5:1,13). Do you accept and believe Christ's word of truth, love, and freedom for your life?

"Lord Jesus, write your words of love and truth upon my heart and make me a diligent student and a worthy disciple of your word."

Psalm 18: 25-27

25 With the loyal you show yourself loyal; with the blameless man you show yourself blameless; 26 with the pure you show yourself pure; and with the crooked you show yourself perverse. 27 For you deliver a humble people; but the haughty eyes you bring down.

A Daily Quote for Lent: The upright of heart, by Augustine of Hippo, 354-430 A.D.

"Do you know who the upright of heart are? They are those who wish what God wishes. Therefore, do not try to twist God's will to you own but correct your will to that of God. The will of God is a rule of conduct. By it you have the means of being converted and of correcting your evil ways." (excerpt from Commentary on Psalm 93,18)

[tpanan]

My Wednesday Daily Blessings

April 5, 2017

Be still quiet your heart and mind, the LORD is here, loving you talking to you...........

Wednesday of the Fifth Week of Lent (Roman Rite Calendar)

First Reading: Daniel 3:14-20, 91-92, 95

King Nebuchadnezzar said: "Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you will not serve my god, or worship the golden statue that I set up? Be ready now to fall down and worship the statue I had made, whenever you hear the sound of the trumpet, flute, lyre, harp, psaltery, bagpipe, and all the other musical instruments; otherwise, you shall be instantly cast into the white-hot furnace; and who is the God who can deliver you out of my hands?" Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered King Nebuchadnezzar, "There is no need for us to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If our God, whom we serve, can save us from the white-hot furnace and from your hands, O king, may he save us! But even if he will not, know, O king, that we will not serve your god or worship the golden statue that you set up." King Nebuchadnezzar's face became livid with utter rage against Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He ordered the furnace to be heated seven times more than usual and had some of the strongest men in his army bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and cast them into the white-hot furnace. Nebuchadnezzar rose in haste and asked his nobles, "Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?" "Assuredly, O king," they answered. "But," he replied, "I see four men unfettered and unhurt, walking in the fire, and the fourth looks like a son of God."  Nebuchadnezzar exclaimed, "Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who sent his angel to deliver the servants who trusted in him; they disobeyed the royal command and yielded their bodies rather than serve or worship any god except their own God."

Responsorial Psalm: Daniel 3:52, 53, 54, 55, 56

"Glory and praise for ever!"

Verse before the Gospel: Luke 8:15

"Blessed are they who have kept the word with a generous heart and yield a harvest through perseverance."

Gospel: John 8:31.42

Jesus said to those Jews who believed in him, "If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." They answered him, "We are descendants of Abraham and have never been enslaved to anyone.  How can you say, 'You will become free'?" Jesus answered them, "Amen, amen, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave of sin. A slave does not remain in a household forever, but a son always remains.  So if the Son frees you, then you will truly be free. I know that you are descendants of Abraham. But you are trying to kill me, because my word has no room among you.  I tell you what I have seen in the Father's presence; then do what you have heard from the Father." They answered and said to him, "Our father is Abraham."  Jesus said to them, "If you were Abraham's children, you would be doing the works of Abraham. But now you are trying to kill me, a man who has told you the truth that I heard from God; Abraham did not do this. You are doing the works of your father!" So they said to him, "We were not born of fornication.  We have one Father, God."  Jesus said to them, "If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and am here; I did not come on my own, but he sent me."

**Meditation:

Do you know the joy, peace, and freedom which God offers to those who trust in him and obey his word? God sent his Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, to bring us God's kingdom of righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17). Jesus came to rescue us from our sinful pride and slavery to sin. He came to rescue us from Satan's snares and the clutches of hell, and to free us from the world's temptation to empty glory and lust for greed and power. Only Jesus can truly set us free and reconcile us with God - every other way falls short of God's plan to save and deliver us from death, corruption, and sin. Why did the religious authorities reject Jesus's offer of freedom, forgiveness, and new life in the kingdom of God? Despite Jesus' numerous signs and miracles, the Jewish authorities could not accept his claim to speak and act in the name of his heavenly Father. They were blinded by their misguided ideas of how the Messiah would restore Israel and rule the earth. And Jesus revealed to them how Satan had led them into temptation - both to reject him as the Messiah and to thwart his claim by killing him.

Jesus met their opposition and hostility with courage and determination to do his Father's will. He willingly embraced the cross in order to destroy the works of Satan and to save both Jews and Gentiles through his atoning sacrifice for the sin of the world. Jesus shows us the way to the kingdom of God - through faith and obedience to God's word and will for our lives. To be a follower and disciple of the Lord Jesus requires faith and obedience - they are two sides of the same coin. The word disciple literally means one who learns from the Master and who listens to the voice of the Teacher. And the word for obedience literally means to listen under and be subordinate to the one who has rightful authority to teach and command what is just and true.

The free gift of faith How can we grow in faith and discipleship - by faithfully following the Lord and obeying his word. Faith is a free supernatural gift of God. It is more than just a belief in the truths of God. It is first and foremost a personal relationship of trust and obedience to the Lord and his word. The Lord is worthy of our complete trust and wholehearted devotion because he is utterly reliable, just and true, and he is faithful to his word. That is why we can entrust our lives to him and submit to him without reservation. God does not leave us in the dark or remain distant and silent. He reveals himself to all who earnestly seek him and hunger for his truth. God, in fact, first seeks us out and draws us to himself. We could not find him if he did not first seek to reveal himself to us. That is why we need to respond to God's gracious gift of invitation with an open and receptive heart that wants to listen, learn, and receive what God wishes to give us. Saint Augustine of Hippo (354-430 AD) said, "I believe, in order to understand - and I understand, the better to believe" (Sermon 43:7,9).

The test of faith In the Old Testament Book of Daniel we see a remarkable example of faith being put to the test in the midst of trial and adversity. When Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, the three young companions of Daniel, were commanded by the king of Persia to bow down and submit to the pagan idols of his nation, they unhesitatingly said, "We will not serve your gods or worship the golden image which you have set up" (Daniel 3:18). They knew God's command, "Do not worship false idols"(Exodus 20:3-6; Deuteronomy 12:29-31). They decided it was far better to obey God and entrust their lives to him rather than give in to the threats of others. God gave them courage to take a bold stand for their faith. They willingly accepted the King's punishment as they were bound and thrown into a burning fiery furnace. Daniel tells us how God was very present to these three young men as they proclaimed their faith in him. God showed his presence to the three men and walked with them in the fiery furnace. As a remarkable sign of God's power to the pagan rulers of Persia, God kept the three men from harm and delivered them from death (Daniel 3:25,28). Do you trust in God to give you his help and strength when your faith is put to the test?

True and false sources of identity The scribes and Pharisees, who were the religious authorities of the Jews, questioned Jesus' authority to speak and act in God's name. They questioned Jesus' claim to forgive sins and to set people free from slavery to sin. They understood that only God had power to forgive sins and to release people from their burden of guilt and shame. They refused to accept that Jesus' authority was given to him by his Father in heaven. Jesus tells them that they think evil of him and desire to kill him because they are under the influence and power of the "father of lies" who is opposed to the one true Father and Creator who made us in his image and likeness (Genesis 1:26-27). Jesus explains that he is speaking of two different senses of "fatherhood". The first is a physical identity through natural fatherhood. And the second and more significant identity is a self-chosen one that is the result of being led and formed in a moral way of thinking and living one's life that has been shaped through the example, words, and influence of someone we are consciously or unconsciously following and imitating. We do not grow or learn in a vacuum. We are shaped for better or for worse by those we choose to imitate and follow. Sin leads us away from God's truth and the help he gives us to follow him. Slavery to sin is ultimately rooted in the father of lies (John 8:44), whom Scripture calls the devil (Luke 4:1) and Satan (Luke 10:18), the ruler of this present world who is opposed to God (John 12:31; 2 Corinthians 4:4).

True freedom comes from God The freedom which Jesus offers his followers is freedom from the power of sin, Satan, and the worldly influence of those who oppose God and his ways. We are powerless to set ourselves free from bondage to Satan, sin, and death (Romans 3:23; 5:6). That is why the Lord Jesus took our sins upon himself and nailed them to the cross (1 Peter 2:24; Isaiah 53:5-6; Colossians 2:14). His death on the cross has won victory and pardon for us, and peace with God. Through Jesus' sacrifice we are not only forgiven and reconciled with God - we become the adopted sons and daughters of God (Romans 8:14-16). We can call God our Father because the Lord Jesus has reconciled us and redeemed us from slavery to sin and Satan. A redeemed slave is not entirely free until all of his chains and weights have been broken and destroyed. The Lord Jesus alone has the power to release us from every chain and burden that would keep us in bondage to sinful habits and hurtful desires. Are there any chains - any sinful patterns, harmful attitudes, and addictive behavior - that you need to be released from? Allow the Lord Jesus to unbind you and bring you healing, pardon, and freedom to walk in his way of love and truth. The Lord Jesus sets us free from slavery to our own selfishness and sinful desires in order to set us free for a joy-filled life of love and service for his kingdom. Paul the Apostle reminds us that Christ has won freedom for each one of us - not to serve ourselves or do as we please - but rather to please the Lord and to serve our neighbors in love for their sake (Galatians 5:1,13). Do you accept and believe Christ's word of truth, love, and freedom for your life?

**Prayer:

"Lord Jesus, write your words of love and truth upon my heart and make me a diligent student and a worthy disciple of your word."

Sources:

Lectionary for Mass for Use in the Dioceses of the United States, second typical edition, Copyright © 2001, 1998, 1997, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine; Psalm refrain © 1968, 1981, 1997, International Committee on English in the Liturgy, Inc. All rights reserved. Neither this work nor any part of it may be reproduced, distributed, performed or displayed in any medium, including electronic or digital, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

**Meditations may be freely reprinted for non-commercial use. Cite copyright & source: www.dailyscripture.net author Don Schwager © 2015 Servants of the Word.

[ricardosousalemos]

Kreator: Gods of Violence

    Kreator’s 1985 debut Endless Pain arrived two years after Metallica fired thrash metal's first shot with Kill 'Em All—something of an eternity in the formative stages of a genre. Kreator immediately stood out, though, with their static-y guitars, frontman/guitarist Mille Petrozza's inimitable bark, and drummer Jürgen “Ventor” Reil’s distinct combination of precision and primal savagery. So it didn’t take long for the German thrash outfit to gain ground on their elite predecessors with landmark albums like 1989’s Extreme Aggression, 1990’s Coma of Souls, and 1992’s Renewal.

Of course, if you measure the energy level of those titles next to their new album Gods of Violence, there’s just no comparison. By the same token, it would be too easy to dismiss the band’s latter-day work as just an excuse to tour. After a run of four experimental, industrial-tinged albums in the ’90s, Kreator re-dedicated themselves to straight thrash on 2001’s Violent Revolution—a move that might have signified a surrender to heritage-act status if the band hadn’t sounded so revitalized at the time.

Some of that vitality was on display as recently as last year’s Violence Unleashed EP, but Gods of Violence suggests that it might be time for another shake-up. The band’s fourteenth full-length, Gods of Violence does contain some noteworthy deviations from form. Album opener “Apocalypticon,” an orchestral piece courtesy of Fleshgod Apocalypse members Francesco Paoli and Francesco Ferrini, bears more than a passing resemblance to both the Star Wars theme and the “Mars” movement of Holst’s iconic suite The Planets.

Bagpipes appear on the Celtic-flavored “Hail to the Hordes,” while the title track intro features a solo from a 12 year-old harpist. And, for better or worse, the bright melody in the chorus section of “Totalitarian Terror” wouldn’t sound out of place in the hands of pop-punk acts like Against Me! or Anti-Flag. Mostly, though, Petrozza and Reil give us more of the same jackhammer style they built the band’s name on—only without quite as much personality or edge. Case in point: the verse riff on “Totalitarian Terror,” which sees Petrozza coming dangerously close to re-treading Slayer when Slayer have been most guilty of re-treading themselves.

At times, Gods of Violence plays like an unresolved tug of war between quintessential Kreator and grandiose symphonic metal—often in the same song. If you like both styles, you can expect to be in hog heaven. But if you prefer one over the other, you're left to skip over certain sections of songs. “Army of Storms,” for example, hearkens back to signature riffs from the back-catalog staples “Betrayer” and “Renewal” in the verse but then abruptly switches to an operatic chorus. In general, when Gods of Violence hews towards outsized melody, it feels watered-down rather than stretched out.

Lyrically, Gods of Violence suffers in a similar way. Perhaps more than any other genre, part of the job requirement of being a heavy metal musician is the ability to come up with song titles and lyrics that look badass scrawled across the pages of high schoolers’ notebooks. If we ranked bands based on that criterion, Kreator would surely land near the top of the list. For the last 30-plus years, Petrozza has penned gem after lyrical gem, amassing a string of fist-waving catchphrases that rival anyone in metal. So it’s no surprise that Petrozza doesn’t disappoint on Gods of Violence.

Petrozza has a way of distilling a song’s chorus down to a punchline he delivers in single syllables, as if he wanted to ensure that even a child or non-English speaker could imagine a bouncing dot in their heads as they follow along. You have to be willing to indulge a little boneheadedness to get behind classic back-catalog nuggets like “Time/to/raise/your/flag/of/hate” and “Un-/der/the/gui-/llo-/tine.” But a trademark Kreator chorus makes it irresistible to sing along. You haven't lived, for example, until you’ve sung the titular chorus of the new song “Satan Is Real” at an inappropriate volume in a setting where you’re bound to raise eyebrows.(Attention ad execs: this is the song you need for your seitan ad!)

That said, despite Petrozza’s gift for communicating directly to the angsty teenager at the core of every metalhead’s soul, his subject matter speaks to a thoughtful way of observing the world. Petrozza also has a knack for using his words to convey the opposite of what they seem to indicate on first (or even second) glance. The new material exemplifies this technique: For Petrozza, Satan is a fictitious concept that becomes “real” because people invest it with belief. “Death Becomes My Light,” meanwhile, doesn’t glamorize death in stereotypically “metal” fashion but instead looks at dying through the lens of a near-death experience. And the title track, with its chorus of “we shall kill,” is actually a life-affirming call to evolve past (and thus “kill”) antiquated modes of thinking that no longer serve humanity’s forward progress.   

Petrozza even delves into utopian reverie with “Hail to the Hordes”—basically a heavy metal buddy anthem that offers solace and solidarity as “the failed, the outcasts... carry each other through the darkest moments in life.” But this wouldn’t be a Kreator album if it didn’t go to dark places. Originally conceived as a concept album rooted in Greek mythology, Gods of Violence frames modern warfare as a remnant of an ancient evil that has resided in the psyche for as long as our species has existed. Petrozza’s original idea was to present our predilection for viciousness as something that was “born” into our world after the gods decided to have an orgy.

It’s a rich premise—unfortunately, Petrozza doesn’t flesh it out very much in the actual songs. Gods of Violence could have used more of Petrozza’s warped take. He has renounced the audacious moves the band made during its experimental period, but at least those moves were charged with a sense of creative risk. After several albums’ worth of proving they can still recapture their classic sound, it’s high time Kreator took more risks, come what may. They’ve earned the right.