#like im so sorry that happened to you but why the fuck would it be me

[vivisecti]

important confession:

i used to be tumblr user Vivisecti. i deleted my account because in a psychotic episode i said vile and indefensible shit about "recovering" pedophiles- because i genuinely thought at the time that they could be "cured" and that i could cure them.

my mental illness is no exucse for such a sentiment but i hope to explain why for those hours/days that i held that belief.

i have believed for a very long time that i was sent by God to rid the world of pedophiles, planning murders and even mass murders to do so. for a breif time during my grandiose delusion i believed that it was possible to "cure" them through therapy or medication.

it is not. there is no cure. they should be euthanised.

part of my words, which i apologise for and deeply regret, was me thinking that i could "cure" my pedophile father- which was delusional denial- and i projected it onto others in an irresponsible and reckless manner.

i will never and have never defended pedophilia. i want to make that abundantly clear. my issue was that i thought it could be cured. this is an extremely dangerous lie spead by pedophiles that say "Im in recovery/ im cured though" in order to lower your guard.

pedophiles use mental illness as an excuse or explaination for their abuse- but pedophilia is a set of ACTIONS that you CHOSE to do, and not a mental illness (i dont care what the DSM-5 says.)

when i say "mental health isnt an excuse for pedophilia" i am also saying "pedophilia is not a mental health issue, and to say so is to soften the evil of it and try to make it sympathetic."

i am also very sorry for not telling you who i was earlier- i pathetically wanted you all to like me again, and it was an absolute breach of your boundaries to follow and mutual people who previously had me blocked. i dont have the right to ask you to listen to me or read this, and i am disgusted with myself for being so parasocially needy.

i would especially like to apologise to @rottenfleshnbones who was the victim of my vile words. im so fucking sorry for what happened last month. the anons i sent to you were not enough to express that. you dont have to forgive me or even read this but i just hope it comforts you even a little bit to know that i do not hold those beliefs anymore, and never held them in a sane mind to begin with.

i have hurt others and i am so sorry. i wasnt lying when i said that as an adult i want to work with children who are victims of incest. all i have ever wanted (even in my schizophrenic haze) was make there be fewer pedophiles and less child sexual abuse. i went about it in completely the wrong way and was delusional and in denial.

i really really love you guys and want to be friends.

-vivisecti

[glitchxinthematrix]

IRREDEEMABLE

Part 4

Love, a concept so complicated to even grasp and yet, every single soul in the universe end up craving it. I have had my share of the cravings, but, news flash, it all resulted in me being left alone stranded. So the concept is now hid safe inside a box. buried deep down somewhere inside, and at times like these I hear the faint screaming it does from the suffocation, all for some acknowledgement. And now, Geto, Love? The one minute he stared longer? Gojo's words kept replaying in my head on my way to find Suguru.

I wouldnt run my thoughts any deeper into this, i mean why should i? what did he do about this? how long has this been going on, and ,oh fuck , thats a pillar and my head is gonna raamm into-, wait no its soft, wait its a hand, a familiar one, shit-

I slowly raised my head to see geto by the vending machine with one can of his favourite drink and the other hand as a barrier to my head and the wall. and yet he doesnt frickin spare me a look, why te hell is his head stooped so low.

Walls are everywhere these days huh?,the audacity to joke around right now without even meeting my eye.

"So youre not even gonna look at me?" I blurt out, unexpectedly helpless in my delivery.

As I see him lift his head up very reluctantly and struggle, i find myself doubting everything gojo previously said, miutes ago.

"Whats up y/n". THE NERVE.

"Didnt take you to be a fuckboi Suguru Senpai, following your best friend's steps is it?"

With a confounded expression I saw him squint his eyes and , well that should be a question then.

"You never called, Geto".

His eyes bulged a bit like he wasnt expecting me to care about the things that we did yesterday. I saw him mumble something under his breath while maintaining the good old strained eyebrows.

"What, you dont care about how i feel now that you slept w me?"

I see his expression waver into immediate shock that desperately needed to set some things straight.

"Y/n..you don't know what you're talking about.. please".

No amount of strained expression from him is helping this mixed signal facade that's happening to me. He takes a deep breathe noticing my baffled expression.

"I do. i do care, more than I've done for anyone else. its just.. by the time you were asleep in my...in my arms, gojo had texted. Soo..it worked. Everything worked out. As intended. Or it didnt, and he came to his senses maybe,finally,else, it doesnt make sense. it makes zero sense. i mean why the fuck would someone not know how to treat you? to treat you shouldnt come as a chore or a result of some challenge, its as natural as breathing air, and idk what was with him all this while, but im sure he realises now, so give him a chance, he'll treat you better I'm sure."

"Is that what you want?"

"What..why..why would it matter, what I think" he visibly gulps, confused.

"It matters to me geto, if you care about me, to know that you like me, I don't know geto you messed with my head, I can't get you out of it...i broke up with gojo."

"What..wait. what?" His face couldn't contain the emotions that rollercoastered through his mind.

"Just say it geto, fucking say it. Do you or do you not like me. Shit, why am I even doing this? " I steer away on my heel as an attempt to hide the tears that are about ruin my mascara, until I feel an immediate grab on my wrist, the same soft hands.

"y/nnn, y/nn....how do i tell you this...you have no idea. not a thing. the way i have craved for you, to be with you, the way i have literally felt my blood boil seeing the way my bestfreind treated you. you have no ideaaa. please dont torment me any more than this, shit im sorry, i know, its not your fault. hell you had no idea how i felt. its just. all you had to do was exist ynnn. the way you aree, the way you smile, hold the hemm of gojos shirt when he failed to pay you the attention you more than deserve, the way you gently hit shoko on her shoulders when you laugh, the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, the way and fuck the way, the way i saw you yesterday, every inch of you, its etched in my memory, by choice. Fuck, I need some water"

I couldn't contain the happiness that bloomed inside me and I had to do something crazy because he looked just too cute.

" for now i can help you moisten your lips I think", I stand on my toes to reach his open mouth, so confused and wary and place the timid but hungry kiss on it, but within seconds he makes sense of things and grabs me by my waist only to land a kiss that lasted longer than the hourly bell that rang twice or thrice after that.

"Aaargh, this...you're tempting me to do something irredeemable again" he breathes with a glistening red lips messy with the stray tints of my lipstick.

"Let's redeem through it this time then."

The smirk on his lips right then looked more promising than ever.

[biblically-accurate-dca]

moon n ballora

[anachronistic-falsehood]

ok pause. i just thought about wolfwood's death scenes in both trimax and 98 and i'm crying. what the fuck do you mean he just found a will to keep on living after so long of being willing to die for any bullshit reason and he died anyway. what do you mean trimax ww died next to the man who taught him how to live and love again and vash buried him alone. what do you mean 98 ww died wanting to spend his days with vash ans the girls and vash carried ww's gun around after that and used it in the final fight. what the fuck do you mean. that's the saddest shit i ever heard get said in my life

[angy-grrr]

daily reminder: Ochako had to make herself physically see the damage the villains and war created in order to forget the uneasy feeling she got when Himiko smiled sadly (+ all the things she thought when she saw her). She cant forget what she has done (because she doesnt like the destruction), but that doesnt mean she cant forgive her or that made her feel distance from her.

Izuku can't forgive what Shigaraki has done, and as far as we know, he doesn't need to remind himself of the pain; his empathy doesn't make him feel weird about reaching out to a villain, at least on its own.

Its not a copy paste of the same battle or story.

Himiko and Izuku make Ochako wonder about the concept of heroism and saving, the roles heroes and villains have, and they also have an impact on her behavior, ideals, and feelings for them and herself. Shigaraki's fate and the world around Izuku seems to make him wonder about his role as a savior, because he doesnt feel like he fulfilled it really, when it ended up with someone else dying. He finds in Ochako someone who would agree on ideals about saving others, and thats great on its own.

[reel-fear]

Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:

The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.

2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]

3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.

4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]

5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]

Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]

At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]

6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.

7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.

He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]

8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!

So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.

Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?

So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.

I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.

The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.

anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.

As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.

Also the books, the books slap.

[haemosexuality]

why are so many adventure time fans just straight up stupid. about how stories work. and i dont even mean kids i mean like adult fans just with the absolutely dumbest takes

[hella1975]

i need to read more books and annotate in the margins i need to write more i need to buy jeans that fit me i need to eat more fruit i need to buy good quality headphones i need to get a skincare routine i need to talk to my friends more i need to wash my hair i need to stop treating this inhabitation as a curse. i am tired of punishing the body that has fought me for survival every day for years. i deserve little treats as regularly as possible !!

[bedforddanes75]

i just think you deserve eternal happiness actually. funny and actually nice. u are jesus. anyway No pls i AM AFRAID u are simply too cool and i cant deal

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

[mcybree]

Im doing a lot of thinking abt why roleplaying feels different/less natural for me in beastlife s4 in comparison to s3, and i think it’s because there’s ways i know i should be feeling (based on the perception of my character— when i was fresh out of s2 nobody knew enough about my guy to have opinions) vs how i am feeling. I’m catching myself thinking, “it wouldn’t make sense for my character to [blank],” and it’s like… what do i mean by that. what do i mean that this feeling im having in-session “wouldnt make sense for my character” to feel? It might be surprising to other beasts who know me for one thing and expect consistency, i guess?? but in s3 i just acted on feelings and then shit happened. what. why am i trying to enforce a character that does not exist when the strength of mcrp lies in its improvisational nature. I didn’t write this guy on purpose, why am i trying to write him now

[lecliss]

I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.

[wakinguponsaturday]

me @ me: stop thinking about your 'permanently on hiatus' teen Inquisitor fic. it's been 7 years. you are so busy right now you don't have time to pick this back up

me @ me: she was ELEVEN when the mage rebellion started. she was sent to the Templars as a political maneuver to bolster her family's reputation when she was EIGHT. her sister died in her arms days before they received word of the conclave. and you're just going to abandon her. wow

[skeletalheartattack]

can i make the yummy sandwich for you?

the yummy sandwich?

this could be us?

[cleromancy]

i absolutely do not vibe at all with any red hood steph concept ive ever seen because fucking nobody engages with it in any depth its just 🤔🤔 steph is basically the same as jason right? people who dont like jason online say so so it must be true~

like i need you first of all to walk back several steps and understand two major things about utrh and stephanie brown here. the first is that steph got into crime fighting in the first place bc she wanted to ~spoil~ the crimes of her c-list supervillain father. the second is that the core of the tragedy of the red hood is that batman is supposed to be his fucking dad.

so if you do want to do a red hood stephie concept here which. to be clear is not something i am INHERENTLY opposed to. you have a couple options to make it potentially coherent but you need to actually be deliberate and clear about what youre trying to do with that concept. you need to step away from jasons tragedy and look at hers and figure out where exactly her anger and hurt are coming from and who exactly theyre directed at, as well as what specifically in your au concept it would be so different than the canon one where when she comes back she wants to do pretty much the opposite of what jason wanted when *he* came back.

and. crucially. if the difference is the relationship she has to bruce being different you actually do need to show not tell that dude. im sorry but if you just *tell* me that in your universe that steph has a more deep and meaningful relationship to bruce i 100% always am like "ill believe it when i fucking see it". like, she has parents of her own and while that doesnt preclude having a more signficant relationship with bruce (see: timmy)... you really do have to do the legwork or it looks like youre just writing them out and asking us to take your word for it that Of Course steph wants bruce to adopt her, hes batman! gag, retch, spew. do notdo this.

FRANKLY in a reverse robins concept i vibe way more with steph as red robin than anything specifically her getting the dumpster costume from whoever you do put in the red hood role. (frankly x2 i still think if they really truly had to do the storyline they did in canon where shes still trying to do bruces dirty work for him and hires assassins to kill tim to ~make him better~ lmao she should have been the one who wore the Bad Robin uniform before tim got it instead of fuckin ulysses i just think it would have been more coherent and also funner for me personally)

anyway if you link me a red hood steph concept here and it sucks or does any of the things i Just finished critiquing i will be very irritated and i will not be polite to you about it. just as a fair warning.

[your-turn-to-role]

Keyleth tries to interrupt Ludinus doing his evil stuff -> Power Word Stun on Keyleth -> very very deadly attack barrage on stunned Keyleth -> Vax appears in a swoosh of raven feathers deflecting a (probably?) deadly blow -> "Don't even dare" -> Ludinus needed a "divine spark" and had prepared for this -> Vax gets laser focused by magic machine bullshittery -> Vax gets compressed into an orb/sphere -> orb Vax gets inserted into the machine as the last piece Ludinus needed to activate it -> something happened but we're not sure yet what we'll have to wait at least until next week for more info

hope it helps :)

OKAY

THIS IS FINE

god the person in the notes on that post saying this was just like how vax died but in reverse was R I G H T and i hate it

(for those who don't remember or didn't watch THAT fight. campaign vax did not perma die bc of his deal with the raven queen. his end of campaign death was just a formal goodbye bc he was already dead. his actual death happened in the first fight with vecna. when he got hit with a 22DC hold person he couldn't physically break out of. and being under hold person, means that disintegrate automatically hits. and if disintegrate takes your hit points below 0, you are not only dead, you can't be revived by any spell except for true res, which is the only resurrection spell the raven queen does not allow)

(and technically, disintegrate was cast on him twice, before it took effect. bc keyleth saved him the first time)