#like im sorry i dont wanna talk please im not knowledgeable and i cant make small talk for the death of me

[globodamorte]

why do the chatty ones always find me. why can't I say no I can't help you. holy shit.

[roe-and-memory]

❤️💛💚💙

❤ - unpopular opinion about the movies

honest to god. i think lightning was completely valid in how he acted in cars 2 😭 AND I HAVE A REASONING. HEAR ME OUT.

first of all, im personally not a huge fan of this movie. i think all of it is extremely out of character (for every character involved), but i have a specific spot in my heart for lightning in this film because really, i understand where hes coming from. if you went to a foreign country with your best friend, and instead of being respectful, they acted like a total douche the entire time - as well as screwing you up during the event THEY SIGNED YOU UP FOR (with knowledge that mater could have simply turned off his headset instead of ignoring lightnings multiple requests to clear the line) i would be angry too! and i think that the moral of the story being “act like youre at home Everywhere” is such a harmful thing to tell people 😭

also strongly dislike how mater pushed a romantic relationship onto holley, who is quite literally decades younger than he is and was very Not into it ..

💛 - unpopular opinion about a main character

i think that the concept of cruz’s grandfather being a race fan should have stayed in. this probably isnt unpopular, but genuinely it would have made her as a character so much less.. flat.. it would have given her REASON to wanna be a racer - to make her grandfather proud. giving her a reason would have been much better than the just Out of Nowhere fight, and in that concept lightning and her make up right then and there (plus, instead of him being an ass and debating whether he was right or not like he did in the movie, his anger in the concept comes from a place of just.. genuine stress, adrenaline, and probably being overwhelmed in the moment.)

💚 - unpopular opinion about a side/background character

i dont really understand the hype around the wgp racers? like this isnt a jab at anyone but i just cannot grasp it 😭 my ooh ooh ah ah brain cant understand enjoying characters with no lines or screen time. i applaud the people who do love them though i cannot fault u for having silly little guy brainrot

although one of my favs is a bg character with like 3 lines 😭 cal my son i adore you

💙 - unpopular opinion about a ship/ships in general

i have a list of all the ones i dislike…. i am not a multishipper i am #salqueen4life … please dont get mad at me…

cruz/jackson - cannot stand this ship because that is a lesbian and a sexist, asshole man 😭

lightning/jackson - i hate this ship with a passion i am so . so sorry. first of all, there is a Major age gap? jackson is a rookie (although not as young as mcqueen was, still pretty young - in my head hes about 21?) and second. enemies to lovers fills me with rage it is not my cup of tea. since it says keep it civil i Will but…… augh

and. i am so very sorry. lightning/chick. - this is due to personal lore research, lightning being eighteen in cars 1 (and chicks being about 40+) really, really throws me off? and im not accusing anyone of anything because again, everyone has different lore ideas, but i personally dislike it because 18/40 is Odd to me in my personal cars human au 😭 . also again, enemies to lovers has gotta be one of my least favourite ship tropes.

this isnt one i hate but seriously francesco/lightning shippers are the funniest people in the world i love u guys. i dont ship it myself, but every time i see people talking about them being together all i can think of is the scene in the end of talladega nights where ricky kisses jean and when jean goes in for a second one ricky is like no.. no one was enough..

[s0lar-ch3ri]

tell me all about dnd character(s) please i am begging

OMG OMG OMG OMG OKAY OKAY OKAY!!!!! HAGVJDFD GLADLY I WILL

I GOT A COUPLE SO LETS GET INTO THIS:

ohevet: first ever character! uses she/they i think (and if they didnt, they do now! update: JUST REMEMBERED, IT WAS HE/HIM FOR A CIS WOMAN! THROW OUT THE OTHER IDEA SORRY) and also my first aroace character. his name is a joke with that honestly, as ohevet is hebrew for love. i lost the stat sheet a bit back BUT im working on rewriting the stats so i can make an actual character of him! his backstory is kinda silly and i dont really remember it rn so ill also be redoing that shit for sure, but i do know one thing, he's cursed. with this marking on his face, hes able to get "Stackable Concussions" (which me and my dms came up with stat affection ideas but i do also wanna make my own for funzies, and i doubt either would mind if you also wanted to lol). by the end of the campaign, he had been like the only one to not try to seduce someone (my friend had gotten a nat 20 to seduce "mommy nature" so theres that) and had a stack of 10 concussions. how he was still standing is beyond me. did i fall for him? abso-fucking-lutely, i made him hot and wanted him carnially and yet hes aroace so what can my gay ass do? (fun fact: one of my dms is my now girlfriend!) btw before i forget, mountain dwarf fighter, and had a lizard he took off the floor rather then pay for a pet, one of the players had its brother/cousin.

ivy: meant to be an npc for my campaign (which btw ill gladly talk about BUT MY PLAYERS CANNOT SEE THIS LOL ARCADIAN AND GAYWITCHNERD SKIP TO THE SECOND PARAGRAPH ON IVY), but a played character in my friend's (arcadian) campaign (arcadian was the one to try and seduce "mommy nature" btw). speaking of npc, the played character and npc have different stories, so we going with npcs rn! ivy (she/they/star pronouns lol) was meant to be a royal guard who did training and learning in the forests, but im thinking of making her a shop owner (eh, probs for out of dnd oc shit). while in the forest, she sorta fell for a nymph there which looks a lot like one of my players characters (agreed romance thing lol). while in town, i plan for her to sorta like fall for said player after bumping into them and shit. that being said, love wont be her only motivation! i do have some plot ideas i need to think up, but im pretty ready to connect shit in. also shes gonna have a dog familiar (my dog) just to involve her somehow lol. oh yeah she slso has gay moms

NOW WE TALK HER AS A PLAYED CHARACTER! in arcadians campaign, shes a half-elf druid like before, but her lesbian parents arent really too existant. (hey gaywitchnerd, i dont mind you reading this, but your character wouldnt know this info) due to issues with her planet, ivy has had her set of challenges, and is looking for strength in knowledge (literally). back home, theres some fucking secret thing there for some deity. on this route, its a pursuit of learning what the deity is. (another idea i had was that the swamp she once lived in is commonly disregarded, and due to anxiety she worried about it being forgotten and shit happening to it so she went looking for power to protect it) there are religions based around it, but ivy isnt exactly religous but still learning as much as she can about it. (fun fact for this one, but its related to the oc: i was planning for her to have BPD, but i wasnt sure how to play one so as a non-dnd character im gonna find ways to incorperate it, also she likes one of the pcs and an npc, the pc is my gfs one but i doubt they realise it lol)

hunter: like all my characters, i go into it with a basis, something i build around for them (ivy is an acception, she was just gonna be an npc), and hunters no different. since the campaign features 3-4 tabaxis (cant remember for sure), an undead, and other various magical people, i wanted to be just a regular guy, which i am! human fighter guy and all that, pretty normal (most extraordinary thing is that hes a magician)...except humans arent fucking normal here because its a tabaxi village. i fucking love that i didnt know this btw! CAUSE I DID NOT, NOR DID MY FRIENDS REALIZE. the story with this guy that i got is he was a traveling performer, one who used this bow tie made special by his fiancé, which works like the bandana chip uses. this however, got taken while traveling, and hes not willing to preform at a show or anything until he gets it back. for the tabaxi village hes disguised as a cat and his whip is his cat tail (this is to make up for the fact that im not a tabaxi with them all lol)! fun fact for him now: his original design was meant to look feminine and masculine to encapsulate my bigenderness in a character ("the most magical thing about them is their gender!"), but ended up feeling too extra for the "just a guy" vibe and got a total redesign lol (he/him cishet man btw, gonna be fun to try <- bigender afab)

techic: my newest campaign character (who i get to play again in 5 minutes, but by the time i finish writing this, we may have started already lol)! a genderfluid tiefling warlock, who worked as a cashier at a 8/12 before shit went down (its an apocalypse campaign). (update, it did actually, writing while we wait for players to arrive) the funny idea with this one? "what if they made a deal for surgery and just got more out of it?". not much on them rn so fun fact time! their mom is a pc (played by arcadian) and currently being locked in a closet cause they ate their zombified partner!

[enderspawn]

op I am pleading for you to talk about c!Schlatt I keep getting interrogated for saying c!Schlatt was the best president and he really didn't do anything super terribly wrong please talk about him

i mean... im sorry anon but idk abt best PRESIDENT. manburg under schlatt.... kind of sucked imo JFKDLSJFKL

1. manburg had massive food shortages, to the point the average citizen (including fundy) had to eat spider eyes to survive.

2. he imposed ludicrious tax of his civillians (namely niki. we dont know if he did that to Every Business like w fundy or if he targeted niki specifically bc of her closeness to the ex-president, but neither is good)

3. exiled those who he saw as political opponents to keep his power

4. straight up ignored his cabinet a lot of the time to make his own decisions (such as destroying the white house, which led to quackity leaving)

5. was widely hated by all the citizens. literally at one point all the ppl left in manburg was schlatt and jack manifold (who was MIA on the server and left to found Manifold Land when he came back)

6. held a public execution, AGAIN without the consent or knowledge of his cabinet (IF I REMEMBER RIGHT. i know big q opposed the execution at minimum, but idk for sure if he knew it was planned at all before the festival)

7. was basically at war his entire presidency thanks to pogtopia's existence

and thats just what i can think of rn! the reasons i like c!schlatt are fully based around him as a character and HIS personal development, not around his policies or actions. especially when compared to the other two presidents, who either won or prevented a war and kept the majority of its citizens happier and healthier than Manburg, he's.... probably the worst president they had tbh

BUT since you gave me an excuse to ramble abt him anyway, i wanna go on abt what i DO like abt him (under a cut bc this post is already kinda long oops) but

tldr; i like schlatt bc of his relationships with others, his flaws and pitiable moments, and how he is a fantastic parallel/foil to the characters around him

I like his complex (and yes, abusive) relationship with quackity, especially after his death and quackity's feelings flipping rapidly between hating him and missing him. but before that they did have a honeymoon-esque period-- at least from quackity's view.

watching their date you get the idea schlatt mightve never really been interested in him and mightve just been using quackity's interest in him for his own advancement! but we dont know.

maybe he did truly love quackity in his own fucked up way in the end, even if he wasnt a good person. maybe he regrets his actions and cruelty. or maybe he doesnt.

in the end they were (like the animatic i linked said) "built from the same dirt", they're both incredibly ambitious and prideful people and parallel each other a LOT (see: q's need for power, his want to execute ranboo paralleling tubbos execution, etc). they're not good for one another, but i love seeing just how they fall apart together (i hope you die, i hope we both die kind of beat)

and.... god his relationship and impact w fundy i could ramble abt all day dude. fundy kept schlatt's sword after his death and calls it an heirloom. we dont know 100% how old fundy was when wilbur was exiled (i mena... he ran for president but current fundy is like 20something and tommy ALSO ran as vp at 16) but we can assume he was a late teen. his own father was gone, but schlatt... seemed to CARE. he showed him affection.

fundy's never truly felt like hes BELONGED anywhere (even the country his father said was all for him, he felt ostracized and made different by his fathers doting babying) and because of that hes always looking for a group to be a part of. hes a people pleaser (its part of why hes so easy for big q to get for las nevadas).

and schlatt GIVES him that feeling of belonging he deserves. hes a spy the entire time, yes, but he becomes conflicted about it as time goes on.

could schlatt just be using fundy and filling his head with empty praise? sure, i couldnt fault you at all for that interpretation, its perfectly valid. BUT, i dont think so. he seemed genuinely shocked to see fundy oppose him on nov 16th. remember, he didnt know fundy was a spy.

in that moment he realizes just HOW alone he is and always has been. and its a tragic moment: the last person he had, the person he himself mightve truly CARED about left him just like everyone else. he was alone, truly and fully. even his allies were only there out of obligation and bc of him paying.

he knows his health has been failing him. he cant even swim due to muscular issues but he refuses see a doctor about it because he refuses to let himself be seen as weak.

hell, one could argue that issue leads to his abraisive and abusive behavoir in relationships: he refuses to let himself be true and genuine to anyone, there always has to be a wall and a proud perfect persona. its part of why hes a great villain both in narrative and to watch as a casual fan: just like c!wilbur, he's playing an act.

hes a foil and a parallel to wilbur. both are men who hide their true selves behind a certain role or persona they feel they have to play while they hide their crumbling health (schlatt's more physical and wilbur's more mental). both experience their rise and fall. but wilbur isnt despised, even if he thinks he is, while schlatt isnt truly loved by anyone, even if he thinks he is.

most of all, their deaths couldnt be more different. wilbur went out with a bang. a large dramatic scene fit for a storybook, with a long monologue and cinematic final blow ALL made to fit how he saw himself in a story and simply filling a required roll. but schlatts death is practically overlooked (especially in comparison to wilburs death and everything else that happened that day).

he built his entire persona about being this massive, larger than life powerful guy but he died small, weak, and frail to his own failing body. its... pitiful, honestly. it doesnt feel fitting, it feels wrong. his life up that point demanded drama, but his death was nothing more than... an accident, almost. unintentional. clumsy. its fucking brilliant.

[organic-guacamole]

episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj

[neocityarchive]

blind love | l.m.k.

— in which mark lee is so much more than just your best friend but you were too blind to realize it.

word count: 7.2k | warnings: light swearing | blind love - lola young |

a/n: i didnt mean for it to be this long but i hope you enjoy!!!

“Just friends,” Mark said, his voice still steady even in the growing tension of the moment. “That’s all you said we are, right?”

Your head dropped down to look at your hands, not knowing what to say. The overbearing guilt of rejecting his sudden confession was crushing your chest that it became painful to breathe.

“I’m sorry, Mark,” was all you could say. You forced yourself to meet his gaze through your already glassy eyes, wanting to let him know the sincerity of your words.

He smiled kindly, shaking his head. There was sadness in his eyes. And in all the years you two have known each other, you could tell how hard he was trying to hide it. “It’s okay. That’s all we’ll be.”

You bumped your head repeatedly against your study table in an attempt to rid yourself of the memory that’s constantly been playing in your head. 

It was a Sunday which meant there were no classes, which meant the university was closed, which meant that you couldn’t even make an excuse to see your best friend Mark who somehow, after almost three years of friendship, suddenly decided that it was a good idea to tell you he loves you more than a friend should love a friend.

You couldn’t say it happened out of nowhere. He’s been saying he has something important to tell you for almost two weeks before the incident but every time you confront him about it, he always makes up some lame excuse to dodge. It took a lot of self-hate for yourself and a nice amount of his protective instinct to finally make him spit it out. 

He came to your apartment that night, finding you barefaced, wearing a pair of sweats and one of his hoodies that you stole some time ago. From that he already knew you weren’t okay. You like wearing his stuff to seek some sort of comfort. Somehow, the smell of his clothes helps calm you down.

You were supposed to help him finish a report but you couldn’t concentrate after getting a below satisfactory grade on a major exam. College has done nothing but give you a shitload of insecurities lately and this just pushed you off the edge. The only thing that has been keeping you sane was the knowledge that you had someone who you can run to at the end of the day. Someone who is willing to listen to your rants and would do almost anything to cheer you up.

That day, however, none of Mark’s usual encouragement worked on you. He was getting frustrated hearing you downplay yourself because of a single exam. You started going on about how stupid you felt, how staying up all night to study did nothing but make you ugly. Mark countered every insult you threw at yourself, throwing in a few jokes here and there, all of which you ignored. But when you went on about how all of this made you unworthy of anything, how no one could possibly love you in this state, he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“I love you,” he snapped, cutting you off from your long self-deprecating speech. 

“You’re my best friend. You’re supposed to say that,” you whined, clearly missing the point.

Mark, on the other hand, was barely holding it all inside. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “No, idiot. I love you. Stop saying no one could love you, because I do. And not just because you’re my best friend.”

It wasn’t until you noticed his hands were quivering that you realized what he really meant. Looking back on it, you couldn’t help but hate yourself. You were sure it took a lot of his courage (and frustration) to come clean to you like that, and you couldn’t even take him seriously at first.

“Mark, no,” you remember telling him.

“I do. I hate that I do, but I do.” He looked away. “I love you and I know you’re feeling burdened right now, but you don’t have to say it back.”

A part of you broke that day. You hated rejecting people after having gone through several rejections yourself. It’s the worst feeling. You always wished there was a way you could always return people’s feelings just so no one would get hurt, but the universe just doesn’t work that way.

You muttered about a hundred sorries to which Mark replied a hundred ‘it’s okay’s. Maybe it was meant to make you feel better, but it just felt like your heart was getting ripped off your chest.

Mark didn’t stay long after that. You didn’t even get to help him with his report. He said sorry for suddenly dropping the L-word and you said sorry for not being able to say it back. He smiled sadly and it took your everything not to cry. He asked if he could hug you and you didn’t even answer. You just went straight into his arms, burying your head in his chest like you’ve done so many times before, breathing heavily to keep yourself from breaking down. And when the two of you pulled away, he insisted on being alone for a while. You said okay followed by another sorry.

You didn’t know “being alone for a while” meant ignoring you for god knows how long. You see him at uni but he wouldn’t even meet your eye. Even when you share the same class, he would choose to sit as far from you as possible. Once, he entered a cafe you were in and upon seeing you inside, he immediately turned around and walked away.

He’s ignoring you and he isn’t even being subtle about it. Mark Lee could never be subtle about anything, not even his feelings. You really were just too blind to realize anything.

Even other people saw how he felt. People used to come up to you all the time and ask about your “boyfriend” Mark. Sure, you would blush, shy that people thought you’re in a relationship with your best friend. When you explain that you weren’t actually dating, you would get the same shocked reaction every time. One of your friends even said you acted more like a couple than most people in a relationship do. You always thought it was just because you and Mark were such good friends.

“Friends don’t hold hands in public,” you remember Renjun saying.

“We don’t hold hands. He just grabs me and drags me to places,” you said defensively.

“And they don’t hug each other and stare at each other’s eyes while talking about pizza,” Jaemin scoffed.

You just rolled your eyes at them. It never crossed your mind that maybe they were right. You and Mark have never acted like how friends should. Maybe it’s the reason why you’re in this mess after all.

You sighed to yourself. You miss him. You can’t even pretend that you don’t. He’s become such a huge part of your everyday life that you couldn’t just ignore the sudden empty space he left when he said he wanted to be alone. You know he needed time to be by himself. But a part of you keeps holding on to his promise that even after his confession, you two would still be friends. And friends text each other, right? So all your attempts at communication depended on just that.

Thursday, 5:31 PM

You: wanna go watch a movie? i’ll buy the tickets.

Mark: cant. i have an exam tomorrow. sorry :/ maybe next time?

You: oh. okay. goodluck on your exam :)

Friday, 2:21 AM

You: [photo] this is possibly the cutest cat photo i’ve seen in awhile

Mark: that’s cute but dogs are still cuter

You: … okay?

Mark: go to sleep, y/n

Friday, 12:03 PM

You: i know you dont have class rn. have lunch w me?

Mark: oh i already ate with jaemin. sorry!!

You: it’s okayyyy :>> i’ll see u later? it’s friday night sooo we can hang out.

Mark: idk the boys already asked me to go out tonight

You: oh okay have fun!

Saturday, 6:54 PM

You: maaaark

Mark: y/nnn

You: [types] i miss you kajdhfhdksjdh [deletes]

You: nothing haha wanna grab some coffee?

Saturday, 7:01 PM

You: nvm haha have a nice nighhhttt

Sunday, 10:21 PM

You: hey can we talk

Mark: ???

You: please?

Mark: ye what about?

You: you said we’d still be friends

Mark: lol aren’t we?

You: this isn’t how friends talk to each other. i miss having an actual conversation with you.

You: we dont even see each other anymore.

Mark: i literally reply more to u than i do to jaem wdym haha

You: wow fine okay

Mark: ?????

You: i guess i deserve that haha

Mark: im tired y/n. night.

You: :( nighttt

You checked your messages for the nth time, reading everything as if something was gonna miraculously change with the cold conversation thread. Your fingers have been hovering over the keypad, typing and deleting ‘i miss you’ and ‘talk to me’ for about a hundred times already.

You don’t get why you can’t just say it. What’s so wrong with telling your best friend you miss him? Why is it so hard to press send? Why are you suddenly so afraid of how he would reply or if he would even reply at all?

It was only 10:30 in the evening. You know for sure Mark is only lying about going to sleep. He never sleeps this early unless he really is tired. He does nothing on Sundays so he can’t possibly be tired. Sundays are usually just the two of you hanging out in his apartment or yours, just to watch movies or study together. So what did he do today?

“Stop thinking about him,” you grumbled to yourself. “It’s just Mark. He’s a big boy, he can handle himself.”

But that’s not the point, a voice inside your head said. Just tell him you miss him.

You typed it again, ‘I miss you,’ but deleted it as soon as it was finished. Again. 

You’ve spent everyday with Mark that it suddenly hurts to think he’s enjoying the time you usually spend together alone. It’s crazy how you can’t stop thinking about how his day went or if he’s okay or whether he’s eaten or not. You know how stubborn he can be. Sometimes, he’d get so engulfed in whatever he’s doing that he would accidentally skip meals unless you remind him otherwise. 

“Fuck this,” you muttered to yourself. You figured you won’t ever be left at peace if you don’t do anything about whatever you’re feeling, so you decided to text Jaemin.

Sunday, 10:52 PM

You: jaeeem hi :)

Jaemin: y/n!!!!! hello :>

You: sorry for bothering you but have you talked to mark lately?

Jaemin: im talking to him rn haha why? you want me to ask him something?

You: not really hahaha how is he?

Jaemin: haha why not ask him yourself

You: he doesnt wanna talk to me lol pls just answer

Jaemin: he’s stubborn as always. he wont listen to me.

You: why, what’s he doing?

Jaemin: idk but it’s definitely not talking to you ksjdjkd

You: … very funny

Jaemin: sorry lmaooo he’s running on an hour or two of sleep everyday

You: jaemin!! why won’t you scold him?

Jaemin: we do! he just doesn’t listen. u know he only listens to you.

Jaemin: idk why you guys still arent together lmao bunch of idiots tbh

You: we’re just friends

Jaemin: rlly? oh btw mark hyung is looking for his save the bees shirt. did u see it anywhere?

You: yeah he left it here like two weeks ago when he slept over

Jaemin: LMAOOO DOESNT SOUND LIKE FRIENDS TO ME CHIEF

You: i fckingskjfhfn hate you

Jaemin: HJSJSHHDJD ok but seriously tho mark hyung is fine. just give him time, he’ll come around.

Jaemin: he misses you but u didnt hear it from me

Jaemin: ok bye he’s getting suspicious now lol

You: idk how you’re both an angel and the devil at the same time

You: anw thanks jaem. dont tell him i asked about him lol byeee

You sighed, putting your phone down in surrender. Your mind was more of a mess now than it was before you talked to Jaemin. You hate that he makes sense especially about the weird, more-than-friendly dynamics of your relationship with Mark. But more importantly, your head was beginning to be overfilled with worry.

Mark runs on barely two hours of sleep everyday. No wonder he always looks so out of it whenever you see him in the hallway. You wanted to call him, to tell him that he should sleep already, to remind him that he shouldn’t overwork himself, that doing just enough is okay. But you know he doesn’t want to talk to you. The cold replies and the ‘????’ were more than enough to tell you that.

Still, you figured it was worth a try sending him a little reminder. So you grabbed your phone once again and typed a message, revealing a little more of your emotions than you intended to. And before you could even think twice about it, you hit send.

Sunday, 11:04 PM

You: hey i know you’re still not asleep. dont worry, you dont have to reply to me. i just wanna tell you that you should take care of yourself. i know you. you’re stubborn and sometimes you won’t sleep or eat unless someone reminds you to so,, this is me reminding you haha. stop overworking yourself mark, please? you cant be sick cause i cant take care of you since you wont talk to me… lol jk. but seriously, get more rest (and talk to me,, hahah jk again unless u wanna ;)) please go to sleep now. goodnight. see you around i guess.

You stopped texting Mark after that. You wondered if he would find the initiative to talk to you first if you didn’t start the conversation. Now, two days have passed and your sleep reminder remains to be the last message on your conversation thread. You couldn’t say it didn’t hurt. You were hoping for at least a small thanks but didn’t get anything at all.

You were starting to get more and more frustrated as the days went by. It’s so unfair that you are slowly losing your best friend because of this. It’s unfair that you can’t even be mad at him because you just broke his heart. You wished there was any way you could have changed what happened, but the past remains to be written.

That afternoon, you passed by one of the cafes you and Mark always go to. You went inside, suddenly craving their special banana muffin which he introduced to you some months ago. The owner recognized you right away as you came up to the cashier.

“You’re not with your boyfriend today?” she asked.

You felt your heart skip a beat and not in a good way. It hurt. You figured there was no use in explaining since she probably won’t believe that Mark is not your boyfriend so you just smiled sadly and answered, “No.”

The lady somehow talked you into buying two muffins so you can bring one to your “boyfriend.” After handing her your payment, you realized maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. Mark always brings you stuff whenever you’re mad or upset. He knows exactly what you’re craving for even before you knew you were craving for it. Why not try if it works on him?

As soon as you headed out the cafe, you whipped your phone out to text Jaemin, asking if he knew where Mark was. It’s Tuesday, his most free day of the week so he could be anywhere. Jaemin replied not after five minutes.

Jaemin: not sure but he mentioned something about the library??

You: okay thank you!

From that, you knew exactly where Mark is. There was a small patio-like spot beside the library that he likes going to. Not a lot of people utilize the place since the tables and chairs are almost always filled with dried fallen leaves from the surrounding trees but Mark likes the thought of being close to nature.

That day though, there were more people around the area than usual. It was lunchtime so most people were out of the classrooms. Still, it wasn’t hard spotting Mark. It has never been much of a challenge finding him in a crowd of people. You saw him as soon as he came into view, sitting by the table on the corner under one of the ginkgo trees. He had his laptop open and a box of food beside it. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration one moment and then he was laughing the next. 

You were about to make your way towards him but immediately stopped in your tracks when you realized he wasn’t alone.

You didn’t know who the girl was. You’ve seen her a lot of times in class and in the hallway. You even have a vague memory of Mark talking to her one time. But you never really bothered to learn her name. She had that soft, innocent look that goes so well with her shy smile. She had her hair tucked in her ears to show just enough of her pretty face. She was beautiful. Unconventionally but undeniably. But none of that mattered.

When she said something with a smirk and Mark let out his trademark laugh, nose scrunching, hand repeatedly hitting the table, shoulders shaking and all, it felt like something punched you in the stomach. He uttered something in reply and now both of them are clutching their sides for laughing too hard. 

He looks happy, you thought, I should be, too.

But you aren’t. You continued watching their exchange, him showing her something on his laptop and both of them laughing once again. Your chest felt heavy, like something was sitting on it and now it hurts to breathe. You didn’t realize you’ve been clutching the plastic bag containing the muffin too hard until you felt the sting of nails digging on your palms. You knew you should look away but you couldn’t. You wanted to run towards him. You wanted to tell the girl to scooch over so you can sit beside Mark and give him his muffin.

This is pathetic. I should be happy for him, you said to yourself. But why am I not?

You wanted to be angry, to scream and say that it should be you he’s laughing like that with. To say that it’s you he should be spending his time with. You wanted to ask if he still feels the way he said he does about you. And if he does, then why this? But you remained glued to the ground.

You hated how you were being selfish. You rejected him, remember? So why do you expect him to follow your tails like an intoxicated mad dog? Why can’t you be happy at the possibility that he found someone that feels the same way he does? Why does it… hurt? It’s not supposed to. If you really are friends, then him being happy with someone after your rejection should make you happy as well. If you really are friends, then you shouldn’t be standing here looking stupid, watching them from afar, wishing he’s with you instead.

“What are you looking at?”

You jumped at the sudden disruption, almost dropping your muffins. “What the hell, Jaemin?!” you whined, finally looking away from Mark.

“Mark hyung and Mina?” he snorted.

So that’s her name. “No,” you lied, forcing yourself to take a step away, then another, then another.

“Are you jealous?” Jaemin teased. “Have you finally realized you’re also whipped for our hyung?”

“No,” you grumbled.

“Then why are you almost crying?” 

You blinked. You didn’t even realize the tears pooling in your eyes. Why are you being like this? “Shut up. I’m not.”

Jaemin only shrugged. “Fine. Torture yourself, then.” He smirked. “By the way, Jeno and I are inviting people to our place this Friday after exams. Just some drinks and maybe karaoke, I don’t know. We all deserve a break from hell. Wanna come?”

You didn’t reply. Your mind was too preoccupied with other things.

“Mark hyung is coming,” he said. “Maybe Mina too.”

“I don’t wanna go,” you said immediately, suddenly coming up with a decision.

The boy laughed. “You are jealous! God, I love it when you prove yourself wrong. You shouldn’t be though. You already know he likes you.”

“I’m not jealous! Stop it,” you whined, really wanting to cry this time. Everything is so frustrating and Jaemin is not being of any help. You wanted to go home and just wrap yourself in your blanket and maybe one of Mark’s hoodies.

“Then come to our place this Friday. It’s gonna be fun.” He grinned.

“Fine. Whatever. Just get away from me, you little shit,” you said, kicking him lightly in the butt.

You didn’t know if it was a lie or not but if Mark really is seeing someone now, you just didn’t like the idea of seeing them flirt with each other in front of your eyes. Even the thought of it makes you want to pull all your hair out. Is that considered jealousy? If so, why are you feeling it for someone who’s supposed to be just a friend?

Thursday came and you found yourself crying after realizing the shirt you’ve been wearing the whole day was Mark’s. No wonder he looked surprised seeing you in the hallway. He looked away immediately though, acting as if you weren’t there. It didn’t even cross your mind since you use this shirt quite a lot.

After calming yourself down, you put your playlist on shuffle and cried some more after Friends by Ed Sheeran started playing. You didn’t even realize how fitting the song was for your situation until now. Mark probably did.

You remembered him singing that song once. The two of you were just lounging in his apartment. He was playing his guitar while you pretended to study when in reality you were just looking at him. You watched as his fingers plucked and strummed the guitar strings while he softly mumbled lyrics, head bobbing to the tune. He’s good. Unsurprisingly, since he’s good at everything.

When he realized you were staring at him, he turned his head slightly to meet your eyes, one side of his lips curling up into a smirk. “No, my friends won’t love me like you do,” he sang. 

You looked away, your cheeks heating up almost immediately. It was hard to focus on your readings when he’s sitting right in front of you looking like that, singing like that. You sighed. He truly was never being subtle about how he felt.

After finishing the song, Mark put his guitar down and laid his head on your lap, not even bothering to ask if it’s okay. That’s how comfortable you were with each other.

“What are you doing?” You remember whining.

“Wake me up after 15 minutes,” he said, already closing his eyes. You took a photo of him that night. He’s cute when he’s asleep. Even cuter when you look at him up close. 

Of course, you just had to search your camera roll to find the photo. When you did, it felt as if a storm was raging on your stomach and a gorilla was pounding on your chest. It never dawned to you just how much it hurts that he suddenly left you alone until that moment.

“Goddamn, I miss you so much,” you muttered, looking at his peaceful expression in the photo.

And then you cried some more. You feel lost.

All you wanted to do was curl up in his arms and inhale his scent and listen to how his day went (and maybe accidentally fall asleep together). It sucks because you really had no one else to turn to. The single person who has always been your safe place doesn’t want to talk to you and even if he did, you really wouldn’t know what to say. Perhaps friends really aren’t like that. The thought of everyone being right when they said that maybe you and Mark were never really just friends has never been stronger than it was tonight.

Still, you couldn’t be bothered to sort your feelings out.

He feels like home, you thought. It was the best way to explain the sense of comfort and safety and the feeling of being more than enough that he provides you. It’s the only thing you can think of when your mind drifts to how he is always the constant person that you run to at the end of the day. But friends can feel like home, too, right?

Not to this extent. Not really.

Friday. You found yourself aimlessly roaming around the neighborhood after your classes in the hopes of distracting yourself from your feelings or whatever the hell they’re supposed to be called. You wouldn’t have remembered Jaemin’s party if you didn’t happen to pass by their apartment building.

You stood in front of it for two solid minutes, contemplating whether to go or not.

Mark might be there, you thought. With everything that’s going on in your head and with all the mess happening in your chest, would it really be a good idea to see him? You thought maybe all these things you’re feeling are just a result of missing him. All these sadness and confusion might just be because you miss your best friend.

So you entered the building. You told yourself that you’ll try talking to him again this time, no matter how stubborn he’s going to be. And if it still doesn’t change anything, then you will take it as a sign to let him go. If not forever, then at least for now.

You reached the door to Jaemin and Jeno’s apartment. Even from the outside, the sound of the bass can already be heard. You wondered how long before the neighbors would file a complaint against them, but knowing Jaemin and Jeno, their neighbors are probably inside, partying with them right now.

Before entering, you looked down on your chest just to make sure you were wearing your own shirt and not Mark’s. It didn’t feel right wearing his stuff anymore. God, it really felt like you just broke up. Why is it like this?

You took a deep breath and opened the door. There were already a lot of people inside even if it was just 8 in the evening. Most of them, you know the faces of. You smiled to greet some and muttered a hi to others.

Renjun spotted you as soon as you came into the living room. “Y/N!” He grinned, handing you a cup of god knows what. “Jaemin said he invited you but we were all pretty sure you were gonna ghost us. But you didn’t!”

You laughed hesitantly. “Thanks, I guess?”

“Drink up. It’s a cocktail I made myself,” he said proudly, almost forcing the cup into your mouth.

You took a sip, figuring it won’t do any harm but you spat the liquid back to the cup as soon as it touched your tongue. “What the hell did you put in this?”

He shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. I just mixed in everything I could find. Thanks for trying it out though. I’ve been looking for a volunteer for five minutes already.”

You frowned. There were a lot of things you were unsure of at the moment but there is one thing that’s certain: you have weird friends. You were about to complain to Renjun when he plucked the cup from your grip and went on to find another victim, not even bothering to listen when you said you literally spat on the cup.

Mark didn’t seem to be anywhere. The apartment wasn’t that big so if he was here, it would be easy to spot him. Maybe he decided not to show up after knowing you were coming. And honestly, part of you was relieved. As much as you wanted to talk to him, you still didn’t know what to say. 

I’m sorry I broke your heart, but I miss you so much and I did a lot of thinking and maybe we really shouldn’t be labeled as just friends but I don’t know if I love you, is that okay? That’s just stupid. This whole thing is stupid.

You wanted to leave. Parties have never really been your thing. You usually just go because Mark asked you to since he loves interacting with people. But you figured you needed some alcohol in your system, mainly as a distraction, but also to give you a boost of courage just in case. So you made your way to the kitchen, avoiding eye contact with anyone as much as possible.

You stopped in your tracks as you came to the kitchen. The sound of that laugh was all too familiar.

Great, you thought. Mark was there. And Mina was too. But so were Jeno and Jaemin who exchanged looks as soon as their eyes landed on you. They were all laughing about something before you came.

“You’re here!” Jaemin said a little too enthusiastically in a poor attempt to address the sudden increase of tension in the room.

“Hi,” you said, smiling sheepishly, purposefully avoiding Mark’s gaze which you could feel boring into you. “Just gonna get a drink.”

“Help yourself,” Jeno said. Jaemin smirked beside him. 

The refrigerator was just beside Mark. Just great, you thought again. You walked towards it, desperately trying to ignore the four pairs of eyes following your every move.

“Excuse me,” you muttered, still not looking at your best friend.

Mark took a step sideways before opening the fridge for you. You muttered a quick thanks before grabbing the first bottle your hands landed on, not even bothering to check what it was. You really just wanted to get out of there. Maybe the talking to Mark plan was flawed from the beginning because you clearly can’t find the courage in you to face him now.

Beside you, Mark clicked his tongue. He was so close that you could smell his perfume mixed with a bit of alcohol. It made your knees weak. 

He took the bottle from your hand and put it back before grabbing a different one and handing it to you. “The other one had vodka. Vodkas give you a headache, remember?” he said in a slightly annoyed tone.

“Oh.” Your voice sounded small even to your own ears. Not gonna lie, you wanted to cry at that moment. “Thanks.”

You could hear Jaemin snickering behind you but you couldn’t bring it in yourself to care. You turned to everyone and said a quick goodbye before dashing out of the kitchen.

Your heart was beating hard and rapidly and not because you moved too fast. You didn’t know why but it hurt seeing Mark like that, like he was okay, like nothing changed with the two of you. It hurt knowing that even after everything, he still knows you the best.

You wanted to run. You wanted to disappear. But you couldn’t leave without passing by the kitchen. Somehow, you know someone in there would stop you. If not Mark, then definitely Jaemin. But you really wanted to be alone. So you resorted to the next best thing. You whipped your phone out and sent Jaemin a text.

You: thanks for inviting me to this party. now i feel like shit :D

Jaemin: IM SORRY BUT DONT LEAVE YET TF

You:  i need to be alone and i cant leave without passing by the kitchen and seeing mark. so pls let me use your room for a while.

You: i wont do anything i promise. i just need to calm down.

Jaemin: fine but dont lock the door

You: okay thanks

The door to Jaemin’s room was at the other end of the apartment. You made your way through the noisy crowd, slipping from Renjun’s weird gimmicks when he tried to make you a victim once again, before finally reaching the quiet confines of Jaemin’s room.

The thin walls barely blocked the noise but at least there was no one else here. You sat at the edge of the bed and placed the beer bottle on the floor. You forgot you didn’t even manage to open it. So you just stared at your feet, trying to catch your breath even if you didn’t do anything. That heavy feeling on your chest was back again. It was now associated with being in Mark’s presence.

You started counting to ten to calm yourself down before burying your face on your palms, breaking down into sobs as soon as your forehead came in contact with your fingers. “God, why can’t I just…” you cried, “... admit it to myself already?”

You wanted to thrash around in the bed in frustration but you thought Jaemin didn’t deserve such a mess so you settled with getting up and lightly banging your head against the door. It’s a bad habit you do when you feel annoyed or frustrated. Mark has always been reminding you to stop before you hurt yourself.

Mark. Again. You groaned, hitting your head a little harder this time.

Someone knocked on the door making you stop. You took a step back, thinking you just imagined it. But there it was again.

“Someone’s here,” you said, trying to hide the sound of your voice breaking.

“I know. Can I come in?” It was Mark. There was no question. 

Your heart started pounding on your chest once again. You wanted to tell him to go away but you couldn’t find it in yourself to do so. 

He took your silence as a yes. He swung the door slightly and poked his head through the small opening. Your hands immediately flew to your face to hide the fact that you’ve been crying.

“You know, I came in here because I didn’t wanna see you when I pass by the kitchen if I leave then you come here making me look like a clown,” you said, your voice muffled by your hands.

Mark chuckled softly. “Why didn’t you wanna see me?”

You didn’t reply. Your face felt hot, not just because of the tears that just won’t stop falling but also because all the blood has come rushing to your cheeks.

Mark grabbed both your wrists and gently lowered your hands down, trying to see your face, but your head bent down as soon as it wasn’t covered. “Y/N, look at me,” he said, hands still on your wrists.

“No.”

“Are you crying?” The idiot crouched down to have a glimpse of your face making you whine and cover your face again. “Last I checked, I should be the one looking brokenhearted around here.”

“God I hate you,” you mumbled. “You ignored me for nearly four weeks and you come in here just to make fun of me.”

He let out an empty laugh. “Well, you did break my heart so…”

At that, you removed your hands from your face to look at him. You were going to say sorry but Mark had that smug look on his face that made you want to punch him. It was almost convincing if you weren’t so good at reading the real emotions in his eyes. His expression softened upon finally seeing you properly.

He looked away, not being able to hold your gaze either. That just confirmed how hard he was trying to keep up with the exterior he was showing everyone.

“I’m sorry,” you said, voice breaking.

He sighed.  “I told you. It’s okay.”

“But it’s not,” you cried. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t realize how easy it was to misread what we had because let’s face it, we don’t act like ‘just friends.’ I’m sorry because I was too blind to see how you felt even when you weren’t really trying to hide it. I’m sorry because even though I rejected you, I was so selfish that I still wanted to keep you for myself without realizing that you probably needed to be away from me to move on. I’m sorry because…” you swallowed.

Mark was just looking at you, eyebrows slightly raised in anticipation of what you were going to say next. You missed him. You missed that cute face of his. You missed being in his presence. You missed his voice and his laugh and how he loves teasing you even if he probably feels like shit inside. You missed everything. Four weeks have been too long without each other. Four weeks is too long without your best friend. Four weeks is too long without your home. And that’s when you realized…

“... I can’t let you go. And I might be too late, but I’m sorry that I only just realized why.”

“Why?” he asked. 

It was a simple question. Why? Yet it managed to carve out every single feeling you’ve ever felt for this boy. Every little moment he made you laugh. Every small heartbreak you get when he fails to keep his tiny promises. Every single night you ‘accidentally’ fell asleep next to each other. Every ounce of fulfillment you get when you finally convince him to sleep after a long day. Every goodnight. Every good morning. Everything.

“I love you,” you said. It sounded almost like an exhale.

For a moment, Mark didn’t reply. Your head immediately started swarming with unwelcomed thoughts. Maybe you were too late. You almost forgot about Mina who he seems to be having an excellent time with. Maybe he managed to move on within those four weeks. It’s possible, right? You had your chance and you missed it. 

Finally, Mark let out a laugh, his head falling down to look at the floor. “I told you you didn’t have to say it back,” he said, voice soft.

You shook your head. “I’m not saying it because you said it first,” you said. “I realize this might be the worst timing but I just thought you should know you weren’t the only one being stupid enough to fall for their best friend. I was just too dumb to realize that that’s what it was.”

“Why would it be the worst timing?” He frowned.

You felt like crying again. You really wish you had some alcohol in your system right now. Why is this whole confession thing taking so long? “‘Cause you’re dating Mina? Or trying to. I don’t know. I tried not keeping tabs on you because our friends are assholes who wouldn’t stop teasing me. She’s pretty, by the way. You two look good together.”

Mark laughed again. It was raw and real this time, and god, the way your chest tightened in endearment at the sound was so pure. “You thought me and Mina are dating?”

“Aren’t you? I’ve seen you guys together a lot.” Well, once. But you tend to overestimate things.

“No!” He snorted. “Jaemin and I are trying to get her and Jeno together. If anything, she made me realize that we definitely aren’t just friends.”

“Really?” Now you just feel stupid. But what else is new? It’s all you’ve been feeling lately. Come to think of it, Mark and Mina didn’t even come close to how you two act with each other.

“Really,” he said. “Friends don’t stay at each other’s place and cuddle with each other just to fall asleep, Y/N. Besides, I said I love you, didn’t I? Did you really think that’s just gonna go away that quickly?”

“Mark, I can’t even sort my feelings out. How am I supposed to figure out how yours work?” You sighed.

“Fine. Just to be clear, I still love you. Even if you don’t, I love you,” he said, taking both your hands and placing it on his shoulder before putting his on your waist.

“But I do.”

“Say it then.”

“I love you. Even if you’re the dorkiest person I know, I love you.” Your fingers tangled themselves in his hair. You’ve run your hands through his hair so many times before. You wondered why it never crossed your mind that you liked doing it not because his hair is soft but because you were sucker for the domestic feeling of it.

Mark couldn’t stop himself from smiling that he had to bury his face at the crook of your neck. “I’m not used to this, sorry.”

“Me neither,” you laughed.

When he finally composed himself, he pulled away just enough to look at you. All those times you’ve stood this close before does not even compare to how it’s like right now. This is the perfect mix of feeling new but familiar.

“You have no idea how many mornings I fought the urge to kiss you whenever we wake up next to each other,” he said in a soft voice.

“Well, nothing’s stopping you know, is there?” you muttered, eyes fluttering to his lips.

You pulled Mark down by the neck as he pulled you closer to him, your lips finally connecting. The idea of kissing him isn’t new to you. There were so many times before that you’ve found yourself inches away from his face and slamming your lips together wouldn’t have been such a bad idea. But this is the first you actually kissed him yet he felt so familiar that you were almost sure you’ve done this a million times before. His lips were soft against yours that it made you weak in the knees. If he weren’t holding onto you like he was, you probably would’ve crumpled already.

The two of you pulled away, breathless.

“Wow,” he breathed. “That didn’t even come close to how I imagined it would feel like.”

You laughed. “This whole night didn’t come close to how I imagined it would be like. I thought you were gonna keep on ignoring me. And honestly, I wouldn’t know how to cope anymore because I really, really miss you already. So thanks for saving me.”

“Stop making me blush. I don’t know how I can possibly love you more than this.”

You rolled your eyes but you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. This was only one of the very few times that the reality went better than your expectations. But then again, maybe you and Mark have always been meant to happen. It was happening even before you realized it was. And now that you finally managed to sort how you both felt, there was no more wasting chances.

“Do I still have to ask you to be my girlfriend?” he asked.

“We’ve literally slept in the same bed so many times. I’d be more surprised if we’re not dating already,” you joked.

Mark grinned. “You’re literally the only one who didn’t realize that until today, but it’s okay, I still love you.”

You laughed. “Wanna go outside and pretend we didn’t make up? I’m 100% sure Jaemin betted on us.”

“I worry how your mind works sometimes, Y/N,” Mark said with a frown before kissing you on the forehead. “But let’s do it.”

You smiled. You’ve said it a lot but you really missed this proximity. You missed being able to hug him whenever you want, and now you can kiss him whenever you want too. You wanted to say you could get used to this, but the thing is… you already are.

[sword-brainrot]

Oh, um! May I request a matchup? I know these can be draining to do so feel free to skip me if you want!!

So, um hi! Im a 19 yo translation student! Everyone uses she/her when talking to me, but you can use whatever you like, I dont mind pronouns! Im really shy and kinda anxious when talking to people, but I'm completely see-through ;; cant tell a lie to save my life haha Im super curious abt practically anything and I love to learn new things! When I have to get work done, I make sure it looks shiny and perfect! (even tough I procastinate on it until there's almost no time left,,,,) I prefer indoors because loud sounds make me somewhat panicky??;;;; and in my free time I play games, learn useless stuff and sleep... y'know, the usual ^^;

As for what I'd like in a parter.... I want someone who cares about me ;; I know it may be a bit too much but I guess I can dream right? :') As for myself,,,, idk id be a completely mess ;; Im good at listening I think! but when it comes to affection Im at a loss and I just get embarrassed,,,, I blush at everything and when Im put in a spot I try to laugh it off ;;

Um, also... Im sure you already noticed but I have some self issues so you may want to take this into consideration???? maybe???? Im sorry I had to bring this up;;; i tought it could help you get a better picture of myself haha???? uuu;; (um also i apologize for this huge wall of text, i know its all over the place.... dont know how to organize it;;;;)

Oh, and I don't care about sword types nor I have a preference! I love all the slashy boys equally ♡

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it 💖💖

Oh I would never skip your request! If I ever get drained, I would take a small break. I wanna do your requests dear! Feel free to request as much as you want, I have a blast whenever I can write and make someone smile because of it. Don't worry about bothering me or anything, seeing requests always makes me smile and excited to write 💖🌺

I Match You With...

🌸 Ishikirimaru 🌸

♡  Ishikirimaru is a very calm and friendly guy, he would understand very well how scary social interaction can be for some people. He would never push you too far and make sure he knows your limits. He would offer you to have tea with him or help him clean just so you both can bond together and let you know what he does want to be around you. He doesn't mind if you don't talk much because you are shy! Ishikirimaru doesn't talk too much in general but doesn't mind starting the conversation and having a short discussion about things that may interest you or your thoughts on things.

♡  Don't worry about ever making him angry or annoyed, it is very hard to do that. He is very easy going and cares a lot about other people. The only way he would ever get actually angry at you is if you say something insensitive about how people's lives in war don't matter or something along those lines. He was a sword kept in a temple that often got prayed to for healing the warriors who came back from battle with deadly wounds. That is the only thing that would actually get under his skin. He cares a lot about the people around him and even the people he doesn't know, he prays for all of their well beings. Even yours. He cares about you a lot as well and will tell you often that you matter to everyone. He is aware that you would never say something to upset him on purpose. As long as the two of you talk it out and apologize to each other, he will forget it even happened. He wouldn't let one slip of the tongue to ruin the relationship.

♡  He tries hard to make sure he never upsets anyone and thinks over his words carefully, but even he makes mistakes and words don't come out how they planned. He will make the most effort to apologize and make sure his words didn't hurt you badly. If they did, he would spend hours on end talking it out and making sure you know that he would never mean anything that would hurt you. He cares about you a lot and your smile is his favorite.

♡  Ishikirimaru might be a little pushy when you talk badly about yourself. He loves everything about you and it hurts him when you think you are lesser than everyone. He will often try to stop you before you go too far with talking down upon yourself and give you plenty of compliments, even if they embarrass you. He wants you to know that you are deserving of love and that you are much better than you give yourself credit for. You have your own talents and people cherish you for being you. They want you in their life because you are you.

♡  "Aruji, I haven't been human long but I understand that being human is a complicated task. The mind can be a cruel one and the deadliest thing to our souls. My words may not mean much but please trust me when I say that you like you for you. You will see things you do not like about yourself because you are stuck with yourself constantly so you will pick up things that others will not. We are all hard on ourselves. Life is even worse on us. So take a deep breath and let yourself receive a little kindness. You deserve it. You give out so much to everyone so you need to know that it is okay to love things about yourself and be proud of who you are. You will make mistakes and not everyone will be your friend but that is okay, because you are human and you have your own life. Surround yourself with people that will love and appreciate you for who you are now. I love and appreciate you for who you are, aruji. So.. Don't be so hard on yourself, alright? It hurts my fragile heart when I see you beat yourself up for small mistakes. It's okay to stumble at times, just get up again... okay? I'll lend you my hand as well."

♡  As you can tell, Ishikirimaru is a very good listener. His whole life as a sword was to listen to those of the pained and give guidance. Even if he couldn't exactly do that in his sword form, he can do that now! He will listen to everything you have to say. Don't be shy to ramble to him. He will give you a happy smile as he listens. Tell him about the things that make you happy, what make you angry, what makes you laugh, and what makes you sad. Ishikirimaru will be right by your side, offering tea and a shoulder if you need it. You aren't alone and he will make sure you know that you don't have to face these thoughts alone.

♡  Just as how you are see through and can't lie, Ishikirimaru has a similar issue. He has a very hard time ever lying and chooses to never lie. The only time he will lie is if it is to protect others. He will often put himself in the painful position in missions so others don't have to face the hardship. He tries to not do it often because he knows that people care about him and he doesn't have to face things alone, but he would rather not see anyone sad if he can help it!

♡  He finds your embarrassed face the cutest thing in the world. Don't be scared to tell him to stop if the compliments become too much for you to handle! He will laugh it off and apologize for going too far with his comments. As stated above, he doesn't lie. So just know that every compliment he gives you is a very sincere comment that he means with his whole heart. Ishikirimaru doesn't need much affection, as long as you show that you simply care about him, he is happy. He would like to hold your hand from time to time but otherwise, he wouldn't force you to do anything you don't wish to do. Go at your own pace in the relationship, he won't rush you!

♡  Ishikirimaru will tell you anything you wish to learn! He might not have a library of knowledge of the past due to being stuck in a shrine for most of his life but he had also studied and learned about the history he came from. If you take an interest in his prayers and religion, he would gladly tell you all the tales he is aware of and teach you the cleansing sermon he often does to give positive spiritual energy. It is something that brings him peace of mind and makes him happy to talk about, so if you are willing to learn about what makes him who he is today and what makes him happy, he would be overjoyed to share all his knowledge to you.

♡  He understands very well the appeal of getting work done to the best of your ability and making it look the best you can. He wouldn't label himself a perfectionist but he does want to do the best he can. Often with cleaning. You will often see him stuck in a room all day because he wants to make sure it is spotless before he comes out and continues work else where. Though... by the time he is done... It is dinner time. Perhaps the two of you could work together and get work done to the point you are both happy with it.

♡  Ishikirimaru is also someone who happens to stay inside for the most part. The only time he goes outside would be to enjoy tea in the sun or if he has to work the field/horse keeping. Ishikirimaru is a very soft spoken and gentle man so you don't have to worry about him every raising his voice and scaring you. If there is ever a loud noise, whether it is other swords or a storm outside, he will gently hold your hand and try to calm you down. He will assure you that it's okay to not like loud noises but he will make sure that nothing hurts you. He will even try to lead you away to somewhere that may be a little more quiet. Giving you a distraction to get your mind off the noise. He wants nothing more than you to feel comfortable and safe.

♡  Depending on the game, he may want to play with you! He tends to like card games even though he is very easy to read and often loses. He tends to laugh about it after when he realizes that he was accidentally showing his hand every time he set down his cards to get a sip of tea. If it's video games, he would prefer to just watch you play and talk to you while you enjoy the game. He isn't the biggest fan but still enjoys to watch! Ishikirimaru is a pretty good teacher! So if you wish to study with him, he would be flattered that you wished to study with him out of everyone. He is very understanding that some material is hard to memorize out of no where. He would just softly correct you and tell you to work on it a little more. He rewards you with sweets every time you do really well on any test he gives you to test how much you remember.

♡  Ishikirimaru would be the most understanding and gentle partner. He wants nothing more than you being comfortable and happy. He would work hard on you slowly forgiving yourself when you make a mistake and love yourself a little more. He would never give up on you and be there if you ever needed.

[gaming-thoughts-by-an-idiot]

Definitely some spoilers for Batman - the telltale series ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

Ok so, I was so lost in the first three eps I forgot I even had thoughts, ikr. So heres from 3rd to 4th episode :)

*Selina and Bruce kissing after Batman was electrocuted and she saved him. *

"Ok well, obviously I have to kiss her"

"Wait wait no"

*it gets.... more physical*

"wAIT NO??? I DONT WANT TO BE APART OF THIS PLEASE-

*disgusted face, but I'm super uncomfortable 😭*

"I dont like this, keep me out if this omg"

"Hhwhsjahwjsgahhahwha SHES UNDRESSING AND THATS A BRA"

"SHE IS WHOA THEY ARE THATS A BED"

"oh thank God, black screen, I didnt have to watch them have sex, jesus thank you"

"Underwear gang"

"Did they put on clothes again after the sex? I have no knowledge. That sounds awkward"

"Excuse me, u mean things l, wait excuse me, wow, hoe. I'm here like cute and you're not"

"Hey, theres my graple gun"

"...where did he put that, hes in his boxers"

"Hes not deadpool either, doubt he stuck the gun up his ass"

"Mmm bagels"

"Hahaha the little run he did"

"IM SORRY HARVEY"

"IM A WHORE HARVEY"

"The drug is making him aggressive"

"I'm not saying anything"

"Does Harvey turn into a monster?"

"Who is he"

"Ahahhaha he crashed into the wall"

"No, wait, Harvey sorry"

"Come and live at my gigantic place, theres apparently a lot of rooms, and two bathrooms and two kitchens"

"I have like, no knowledge about batman and dc tbh, I watched smallville"

"Ok, ok"

"Talking in front of people"

"None of the options were right, staying quiet is best then"

"Why are the brits evil, if you have a posh accent, that means u wanna stab people while drinking tea. According to dc"

"sTiCk To ThE sCrIpT bRuCe"

"Shut up"

"YO WHAT???? SHE??? SHE IS THE BAD GUY EXCUSE ME I AM I AM SO CONFUSED W H A T"

"JDJQJDHSHJSHAHQ I CANT I CANNOT RN"

"ok, ok stay cool, stay cool. Batman is all about cool, no unnecessary violence, law above personal feelings, unless the law is corrupted and is personally trying to murder everyone.... BUT it got our boi detective on the case, so it's not corrupted and I will stay with the law.... but with high heels"

"Nooooo??? What no?? That is not, excuse me no??? I didnt want him to attack, that's the opposite!!"

"I helped the montoya and let harvey fend for himself.... which apparently was a... weird thing"

"I did not punch Oswald, cuz that's anger and wont look good, when you're trying to show composure in an annoying situation"

"I asked Lucius to chill at the bat cave, bcuz I thought it would keep him safe from dangers."

"Yes, I did romance Selina, ik ik, it was a situation. And apparently 90.4% other people did too.... probably very thirsty for cat woman"

"I did not beat up harvey, bcuz it was the drug and not him."

"Okay, next episode"

"Hes in the insane place, ik he owns it, eventually, and is like helping them, and keeps like the bad bad in another level? Or, I... I'm not sure"

"I wonder what would happen if I walked out the door naked"

"Omg, is this??"

",@&2;'bqhdvbagwgsbsbhwhqhabbdjwjzgsgsbsvTHAT THATS THE JOKER QHAGSHAJHAHQ EXCUSE ME QHAT I DID NOT KNOW WHAT IS KLGOING POKKKKQHDJAHAHHWGQ I CAMT QHATTT"

"I AM JUST, SHOOKKET"

"I'm actually nauseous from all that sudden surprise xD"

"Wow, ok, this is new, ok ok cool, lets go, what does he want what what what what????$&#&^3^63^$37#&36"

"Ok ok.... I wont know unless I play, ok, pppppppppppppp, I'm ready"

"Ok but, is this the first time he meets the joker? Is this even lore for batman? Or am I just???"

"Fuck you joker, I'm not lying for you. This woman looks good and normal"

"Joker looks scary "

"Does he even have a name tho? John doe, but, should I google this? Nono what if that spoils"

"The batman logo name, looks like Dat Man"

"Episode four "

"Why is he shirtless"

"Why do I like victor zsasz (?)"

"Oh, bad scars, I am sorry, oh nevermind"

"Guess I have to talk to joker"

"Rude harvey, I thought we were friends"

"Two faced?"

"Does the joker colour his hair?"

Joker: I've been watching you, Bruce, and I can tell there's something darker in you.

Me: it's a poop, he needs to drink more water

Joker: I know what you really are.

Me: say it... out loud

Joker:

Me: hey >:(

"I dont want to, but ok sure"

"Oh yeah btw, I gave away the key"

"Damn, dramatic, ofc I stopped the fighting. Oh god, I should've said fuck off to joker, oh god, I'm a fool"

"Batman would never "

"Yea, I shouldnt have slept with her"

"I'm not paying bullies"

"What am I supposed to do? Oh... I forgot to read"

"Choices time, okay"

"I did promise joker a favour but so did 49% other people"

"I did not go with joker's plan, and 31% people are with me"

"Damn, 48% rammed the barricade, and 51% gave money"

"Wow, ok a lot more went with meeting harvey as batman, I felt that was... not right"

"Oh god, 54% went with stopping Oswald and 45% with stopping harvey... and now my house is on fire"

"Last episode...."

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Baby Love - Part 5

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

The car was silent as i sat staring at the scan photo, i had just come out from seeing my doctor and having everything confirmed. Chris and i had both cried when we saw the image on the screen and then we heard the heart beat!

"You okay?" Chris asked reaching out and taking hold of one of my hands.

"Yeah I'm good" i smiled giving his hand a reassuring squeeze "just taking it all in you know..... this is our baby!"

"Our perfect little bean" he grinned brigig my hand up to place a kiss on the back of my hand.

"Sure is"

"So i was thinking, we should tell people"

"What.... who?"

"Well my family for starters, anyone you wanna tell?"

"You know i dont talk to my family Chris, i not telling them anything. Aint we supposed to wait for 3 months before blabbing?"

"Says who?"

"Everyone! Theres more risk of things going wrong in the first 12 weeks"

"Well your already at 8 and the doctor said everything looks great"

"That doesn't mean things cant go wrong! Chris your family don't even know we're more than friends! We cant just drop this on them"

"Ok so we'll go visit, we'll tell them we're together now and then in a few weeks we'll tell them about the baby. Sound good?"

2 days later i was sat at the kitchen table in the Evans family home talking to Chris's mom Lisa, Chris had been constantly fussing over me causing Lisa to look at us suspiciously.

"Okay, whats going on with you two?"

"Nothing...."

"Christopher dont lie to me"

"im not!" he said quickly before laughing nervously, for an actor he sure wasnt being very convincing!

"oh my god Evans just tell her already, your not fooling anyone with that nervous laughter of yours" i rolled my eyes playfully.

"tell me what?? Whats going on?"

"Y/N's pregnant" he blurted out making me freeze all movements, i swear i stopped breathing for a second..... did he really just do that?!!

"What?? Oh my god sweetheart thats great news!" Lisa beamed getting up from her chair and wrapping her arms around me "congratulations"

"I cant believe you just said that....." i mumbled looking at Chris who finally realised i had meant for him to tell his mom we were dating not that i was pregnant!

"I didnt even know you were seeing anyone"

"See thats the thing Lisa...."

"Its mine mom" Chris spoke up, Lisa let go of me and turned to face her son looking very confused.

"You got Y/N pregnant?...."

"Yeah, we're together now. Have been for a while"

"But you never said anything....."

"We wanted to make sure it was gonna work out before telling anyone, then when i was away filming Y/N got sick"

"Thought it was flu, turns out im pregnant" i shrugged like it wasnt a big thing.

"When you were filming.... but that was months ago" Lisa looked at Chris with wide eyes, he was nodding with a smile plastered on his face.

"Im about 8 weeks along, we only got it confirmed with the doctor 2 days ago. I was convinced the test was wrong.... but here, this is your grandchild" i said taking the scan photo from my bag and handing it to her. Lisa held a hand over her mouth as her eyes filled with tears, i looked at Chris nervously.... were these good tears or was she upset that her son got me pregnant??

"Mom you okay?" Chris asked

"Yeah. Im just..... this is such good news. I always said you two should be together, i told your sisters and Scott hundreds of times that Y/N was perfect for you" she gushed "they said it would never happen, that Y/N already put up with you enough" she laughed.

"That is true" i nodded before laughing along with her.

"hey!" he whined pouting like a sulking child that just made me laugh even more.

"awww i didnt mean it, i love spending time with you"

"I dont believe you now"

"What, the fact i spend most of my time with you when your not away filming isnt proof enough huh?"

"Fair point" he laughed pulling me into his arms and kissing me on the forehead.

"you two are so cute"

"Oh mom please stop, dont make this weird"

"Im sorry, im just so happy for you both. You wait until the others hear about this! Your dad will be over the moon Chris and your sisters and Scott.... when are you going to tell them?"

"Um i dont know..... we kinda wanted to wait for the 3 months to pass before we anounced anything"

"You can tell your family babe, i just dont want it being public knowledge yet. Im not ready to deal with that stress, its not good for the baby and you know im gonna get hate from some of your fans"

"Oh sweetie im sure it wont be that bad..." Lisa started to say until i scoffed

"I got so much hate online when i first got spotted out with Chris, until it became public knowledge that i was just his best friend. Can you imagine the reaction me being pregnant will get?? The thought of it actually terrifies me"

"Maybe we can try to keep it under wraps, no one ever has to know"

"Thats crazy mom, how am i going to do that? We cant keep Y/N locked away for the next 7 months, she's not gonna be able to hide it for much longer and Im eventually going to be seen out with my kid"

"I know honey, its just times like this i wish you werent famous. I want you to be able to enjoy this time..... both of you"

"We're gonna do our best do that".

As i walked out of the bathroom wearing one of Chris's t-shirts he smiled instantly.

"What?"

"Your wearing one of my shirts again?"

"So?.... your shirts are comfy" i shrugged getting into bed beside him.

"Im not going to have any clean shirts the rate your going sweetheart"

"Maybe its part of my plan, if you don't have clean shirts then you'll have to go without"

"Oh right is that what it is?" He chuckled pulling me into his arms so that my back was to his chest.

"Maybe a little" i laughed quietly "so today went well..."

"Yeah my mom was over the moon" he agreed pressing kisses to my neck "im sorry i blurted out about the baby, i honestly thought thats what you meant"

"Its fine"

"So your not mad?"

"Of course not" i replied stroking his arm that was wrapped around my waist "now go to sleep, im exhausted" we both chuckled and kissed goodnight.

After a few moments of silence i felt Chris shifting around, he usually did this when something was on his mind.

"What is it?" I mumbled sleepily.

"Nothing, go to sleep sweetheart"

"Evans i cant sleep when you keep fidgeting, spill it.... whats on your mind?" I turned around in his arms so that i was facing him.

"You know i have that Charity Event next week?"

"Yeah..."

"Would you come with me?....not just as my best friend, i want people to know that your my girlfriend".

Baby love tags:

@jennmurawski13 @mybabyboytony

@ms-betsy-fangirl @vampgirl1997

@ajosieface @afuckingshituniverse

@chmedic @esoltis280 @southerngracela

[slut-for-fandoms]

Paint me yours (kth x reader) PART 1

Pairings: Artist!Taehyung x reader

Genre: smut, fluff, angst (in the following chapters) 

Summary:  You are an art college student who struggles with finances. Until one day, on an exhibition of the arising artist Kim Taehyung, when the same boy offers you a job as his model. Would it be just a simple job or would it complicate your life in ways you have never thought it would?

Warnings: none in this one (perhaps my bad writing and lots of mistakes?) 

A/N: So here is the first chapter. I really don’t know what to think about it as i haven’t written anything in more than a year (so sorry guys but now I am back, yey) I really do hope you like it and please let me know what you think and whether you would like to be tagged in the series ♥ Enjoy 

Euphoria. Excitement. Happiness. Exaltation. A complete symphony of colors and emotions. Blue, purple, violet, azure - blended in such a way that glues you to the masterpiece. At places it seems unfinished, raw, as though the creator has been in a hurry. But at the same time it is so detailed that you wonder how long it took him to create it. It represents a woman, or to be more precise, a young girl. Long hair composed with ochre, amber, honey and a hint of gold, covers half of her pale face. Her lips are the perfect combination of red, cheery, wine and auburn. An orderly chaos of colors.

While everything seems just as raw painting, the most capturing features are the eyes. They are so detailed and express the condition of the girl. The sparks that make her look tangible grabs you on a roller coaster of thoughts and feelings and somehow makes you even experience the same state.  I move to the next painting.

Sadness. Affliction. Pain. Torment. The contrast between the used shades is much deeper. Pale yet dark. The more I look at it, the more it captivates me. All of the creations I saw were beyond amazing, complete masterpieces but this one… This one is different. One look and I got this strange feeling in my guts when we anticipate something bad, something that might hurt us.

The background is composed of dark shades, while the girl is sculpted of the pale range of colors. Again, the most detailed parts are the eyes. You get the feeling as if a soul was trapped inside the drawn girl that shows how much she suffers. The more you contemplate, the more you assume that the darkness around her represents the cruel world, while the bright yet shaded colors shows how fragile and broken she is. Is it from the world? What destroyed her? Who made her look like a shattered vase which parts are no longer going to form its beautiful shape?

Holding my glass of champagne I took some steps back and sat on the settee opposite the painting. Thanks god it wasn’t that low as they use to be in other galleries. I crossed my legs which caused the hem of my black dress to roll up slightly. As an art student, I tend to visit many exhibitions in order to get inspiration, gain knowledge of the new and unorthodox styles and improve mine. I can’t say I am complaining as we are given free access to any kind of such events. This is beyond amazing as now I am contemplating the art of one of the rising artists – Kim Taehyung. Honestly, I have never seen him but the critics consider him the new Van Gogh and now I understand why.

When I came I was so uneven about it, all the people here were rich and classy and I, a broken student with a cheap dress borrowed from her friend, had no place here. Everything was out of my league and I felt like garbage disfiguring this place.

“You seem really immersed into the picture.”, someone chucked, bringing me out of my thoughts. I looked up and saw man in golden suit and two glasses of champagne in his hands. His smile was so bright, genuine, that it made me blush slightly, “May I?”, he titled his head towards the settee as if asking if it was free.

“Ye- yeah, of course”, I stuttered and put a lock of fallen hair behind my ear.

His smile grew bigger and he took the free seat next to me.

“Here.”, he gave me one of the glasses. I looked up at him confused, “I saw that you have already finished yours so…”, I looked at my glass which was empty. I might have stayed there for a way longer time that I have thought. I left the glass on the floor next to the settee.

“Thank you.”, I gave him a smile, although inside I was feeling embarrassed, “Very fond of you.”, I said after taking the offered glass.

“Well, I just wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I have left such a beautiful lady sitting here by her side. The champagne was just an excuse to approach you.”, I bit my lip and tried to hide myself due to the blush that crept on my face.

“You are even more appealing when blushing.”, okay, I have never believed I could become so red but here I am.

“Please, stop.”, I stuttered through the smile that just grew bigger on my face.

“Why?”, he tilted his head and asked me with that sweet smirk still placed on his face, his eyes never leaving my figure, “you don’t like honest people?”, as a response I chuckled and tried to gain my dignity and look at him. Why was I such a blushing mess around this… stranger…a handsome stranger?

“It is just that you are the first one to approach me this evening.”, a slight feeling of sadness made my stomach turn as I recall the events, pardon, the lack of them from this night. I started playing with my hands as something as pity overwhelmed me.

“Well-”, his deep baritone voice made me look at him. This time he was facing the painting in front of us which gave me the opportunity to survey him. Soft pink lips, sweet roundy nose, medium long light eyelashes. Skin in the color of bronze and a golden suit that make him look like a god. Aristocratic hands with long fingers, adorned with rings. The way he is holding the glass gives you the thoughts that a prince is sitting oppose you, “It is their lose.”, he states after locking his eyes with mine. And then I’m completely lost. They are just like the sad girls’ in the paintings – full of emotions. I see the same spark that leads directly to his soul. It captivates you. There is love, care, tenderness that make my heart skips a beat. But also you can spot something wild and intriguing. An abyss of feelings kept locked deep inside.

He took a sip of his champagne which caught my attention and made me break the eye contact. How could such a simple action as drinking makes me wanna grab the brushes and paint this gorgeous creature on the canvas?

“I can’t say I am complaining of that.”, I followed his movements and took a taste of my drink, “They seem like they are here only for talking. All of them are just chit-chatting and just at times spare a glance at the paintings. It – It just looks like a gathering of the rich and bitchy class.”, suddenly he burst into laughing. Oh that sound… It was like a soft melody for my years I could listen to all day. It was so infectious and addicting.

“What?”, I asked confused but with a smile plastered on my face.

“I couldn’t have said it more correctly. I’ve met everybody in the gallery and yet you are the only one contemplating the works.”

“Isn’t that what we are supposed to do on an exhibition? But apart from that, these paintings, these masterpieces…”, I took a breath like looking at the sad girl opposite me, “they are captivating. There is life in them, there is soul. Undoubtedly the artist is one of the best I’ve ever come across. Many have the ability to draw, few have the talent to create a masterpiece, something that makes you stop and think. And these here, they indeed convey more than a hundred words.”

“And where do you think that comes from?”, he asks me in that deep voice of his. I turn my attention back on him to see the man already looking at me with a stern expression showing nothing.

“The ability to make a painting live?”, he nodded his head in agreement, “Pain.”

“Pain?”

“Pain. It is always the pain. Why do you think the greatest artists are those who have suffered the most?  Sadness, sorrow, ache, agony… they are different than the other feelings. When something good happens to you, you are happy for a short moment. Usually those moments tends to be forgotten way easier than the moments that our soul was in pain. It is just that the affliction we bottle inside us ruins us in the end. The knots in our stomach, the suffocating feeling in our chest… they are tormenting us and we all need a way to express them somehow, to try to get them out of us. And the answer is always the art. It doesn’t matter whether it would be with a brush or a pen in our hands, if we are going to compose a poem, song or just draw something.  We just want the pain away. For its tight fist around our hearts to weaken, for its dark thoughts to leave us at peace at night, for the tears to stop rolling down and choke us.”, I paused in order to take a sip of my champagne, feeling his eyes following my movements, “That is one of the reasons why I like this one so much.”, I continued pointing at the work before us, “It look as if not only the model had been sad, but also the artist.”, when I turned around he had a sad smile on his face. For a moment I saw the abyss – full of sorrow and regret, pain and affliction.

“You can’t be more right.”, and once again, as he looked up, the door to his soul closed with that stern expression, “That is why I don’t know whether I like this work or not.”

“It recalls a bad event?”

“It recalls the day I painted her.”

My eyes were so wide that surely they were going to pop out of my head. I opened my mouth, then close it, then opened it again. I was so shocked that I could say nothing.

“I still remember how heartbroken she was.”

“You- you are the artist?”, my voice raised an octave higher and I cursed myself.

“Surprised?”, he asked smiling at my shocked expression.

“You just caught me off guard.”

And then the rest of the night kind of slips my mind. I don’t really know how long we’d been talking through various topics. Whatever felt like hours had only been half an hour once I saw the watch on my hand.

“Unfortunately, as a host, I need to make a speech. It was nice to meet you -”

“(Y/N)!”, answering I took his hand as he helped me get up from the settee.

“(Y/N).”, he said tasting my name and I could not miss the way his tongue rolled and the deep voice that sent shivers down my spine, “A beautiful name for a way more gorgeous girl.”

“Why are you trying to make my blush so hard?”, I asked trying to hide my face.

“I don’t know. I just like it.”, he shrugged with a smile, “Can I ask you something, (Y/N)?”, is it just me or he just lowered his voice on purpose while saying my name.

“O-Of course.”, out of nervousness I started playing with my own hands which only made his smirk grow bigger.

“Would you like to be my model, darling?”

[ledamemangociana]

2020 20 questions meme time UWU

i was tagged by @decertatio to do this! i havent spent enough time on here recently to tag anyone, B U T! if you see this and would like to do this, consider yourself tagged, and let me know! i wanna read your answers UWU

-----

1. Do you make your bed? - GAWD NO, at least not 70% of the time, im so bad at this. it’s coz on the weekdays, i start working at 6:30am or 7am at home coz my bosses are in Australia and a lot of our clients are in Australia and/or New Zealand, and they’re 3 or 4 hours ahead of us, so i gotta get on those emails and support case tickets as soon as i can, so i give myself about an hour to catch up, and then i hurry out of the condo to get to the office before im marked late at 10am lolololol. on the weekends, when im at home, BECAUSE im just at home, i never fix my bed coz im in it 85% of the time anyway lakdjf

2. What’s your favorite number?  - 13, cliche as it sounds. not coz i think it’s lucky or anything, but because other people around me thought it was. i kind of clung onto it when i was in high school coz i wanted to fit in by standing out.

3. What’s your job? - An accounts and client services manager at a digital services agency.

4. If you could, would you go back to school? - Probably not. I love learning, HATE studying. 

5. Can you parallel park? - i never got far enough into being taught how to drive by mom to get to parking

6. A job you had which would surprise people? I think every job I’ve ever held, tbh. I graduated interior design mainly because my dad told me to when i asked him if i should enroll in advertising instead (the entrance exam i passed was good for either course). the only ID job i ever had lasted only two weeks, at a firm i had to do my internship/OJT at. it was my first job, and i was let go after two weeks. after that, i was a call center agent for two months, and then a copywriter for 6 months, and then an SEO specialist for a year and a half, and then a social media content/community manager at one firm for one year, and then for another agency for 3 and a half, and now im in my second year as an accounts manager at a digital services cloud agency. even i’m surprised at this job list tbh.

7. Do you think aliens are real? - i absolutely do believe that we are not the only life in this big, huge, wide, expansive universe that the planet earth is but a miniscule blip on. there’s definitely other life out there.

8. Can you drive a manual car? - i haven’t driven a car legitimately outside of learning how to drive, but yeh i probably can, since that was what my mom taught me with.

9. What’s your guilty pleasure? - junk food and soft drinks, but in general i try not to feel guilty about anything i take pleasure in

10. Tattoos? - none, but i am ACHING for them. i’ve had ideas for a loooong time. one that i DEFINITELY want to get as my first one is part of a letter that i found that my mom wrote for me in high school. “i know that you will be able to stand up for yourself and the world will stop and take notice.” i still have the letter, so i still have it in her handwriting. i want it on the inside of my left forearm. 

11. Favorite color? - Pink! lighter/softer/pastel shades are my preferred ones, but i love any shade or hue of pink tbh

12. Things people do that drive you crazy? - i hate fake guilt trips. like, when someone wants me to do something that i can’t do, they’ll come in with like “nah, it’s fine, i’ll just drop all these SUPER IMPORTANT things im doing and go out of my way to do this thing that im asking you to do because i’m SOOOOO sorry that you’re unable to do it yourself” coz it’s like...dude, if you really were able to do that or if you wanted to actually do that, you wouldn’t have asked me to do the thing in the first place. like, you’re clearly just saying that to make me feel bad enough to make me drop everything im doing and do whatever it is you asked me to do. i also hate when ppl fish for compliments by being falsely humble or self-deprecating. like. PLEASE, y’all, i’ve lived with negative amounts of self-esteem for literal decades, i know the difference between actual self-loathing and you just wanting to hear good things about yourself that you don’t want to be called narcissistic for saying about yourself. i know what it sounds like when someone is actually going THRU something or is actually having an actual hard time accepting themselves and/or asking people for what they need as opposed to when someone just wants to be told something. like. don’t insult my intelligence and experiences like that. granted, there are nuances to consider for all of these things, bUT like i said, i know the differences when i see them.

13. Any Phobias? - i have a phobia of drowning that’s light enough to NOT keep me away from water but bad enough to sometimes make watching or listening to scenes where someone could potentially drown to set some triggers off for me. i also just have a really really bad fear of dying because of getting my oxygen cut off, coz that sounds like a really slow, painful way to die.

14. Favorite childhood sport? - i was never really a sports kid. the only sport i ever really enjoyed playing willingly was badminton. i trained for a few summers but never competed, but i got good enough to make games in a court fun. i still have my badminton racquet, it’s the only Legit™ badminton racquet in the house (it’s a Yonex, handed down to me by my trainer, only been restrung twice or thrice coz the last restringing was done so damn well), all the other racquets were inexpensive unbranded knock-offs that were good enough for me and my family to have casual games with.

15. Do you talk to yourself? - yes but mostly as a product of deep focus or concentration, or really heavy emotion. having social media has lessened doing it for the latter since i can just vent on here or on twitter, but when im doing stuff for work that’s hard or needs a lot of focus or concentration, i have full-on stand-up meetings with myself.

16. What movie do you adore? - “Romy And Michele’s High School Reunion.” it’s not a perfect movie by any means, but for someone who was a bullied outcast for much of elementary and high school years in a private, all-girls, Catholic school where everyone was tall and thin and pretty and pale and smart and popular, ALL the things that i wasn’t, it was - is? - like a beacon or a hug.

17. Do you like doing puzzles? - heck yeh, coz solving them makes me feel smart, and not being able to solve them but learning HOW to is so much fun for me.

18. Favorite kind of music? - i don’t know that i have one, to be honest, i haven’t listened to current radio in literal YEARS because i dont own a radio in the condo, i barely watch TV anymore, and i dont spend enough time in a vehicle to really know what’s up. i enjoy pop, hip-hop, rnb, showtunes.

19. Tea or coffee? - more of a coffee person myself, actual tea always just tastes LEGITIMATELY like leaf water to me, and i cant find a liking for it. i do really love sweet tea and milktea tho. but yeh, im mostly a bean juice person.

20. The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? - An architect, like my dad. i thought i would be one, up until i discovered writing in high school, and then i thought i wanted to become a journalist until i took it up as my first course in college and hated it. but yeh, it was always “architect! like daddy!” when i was asked that question when i was a kid. i looked up to him so much as a kid, and he and i were super tight when i was younger coz i was his firstborn and a daughter. we used to call each other best friends. i miss those days a lot; things between us seemed simpler, but maybe that’s because i didn’t have the ideals, knowledge and capacity to question the way he loves/loved me as My Parent™. our relationship these days is absolutely skewed and skewered.

[soo-sex]

190311 Soohyun Fancafe Chat (Part 6)

[English translation by junhaera_]

Soohyun: Junnie is so cool - on his japan solo - he grew up a lot since Dont Flirt Jun: ha..... SH: kkkkk KM: he's originally big (she talking about his height hahaha) SH: during Dont Flirt, he copies/follows me - i'll show it to you later on Jun: ha kkkkk SH: i saw Jun yesterday

KM: if oppa teases Junyoungie with Don't Flirt, can he tease you with I Like You? kk  Jun: kkkk  Soohyun : ya what the  Jun: ha  KM: I Like You  Jun: .............  SH: why are you talking about it *keyboard smash*  KM: Not Young  SH: *keyboard smash again*

KM: have you seen Not Young MV?  Jun: do you wanna try I Like You hair one more time?!?!?!  Soohyun: Junnie, lie down  Jun: kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk  KM: im out of battery, i have to go  SH: ttinttu bye  - do well on you work

Soohyun: me too  - i have to go now  KM: lies  SH: im sleepy  Jun: kkkkkk  SH: our bedtime is at 10PM  Jun: our hyung is sleepy  - ……  - hyung, u should go to bed soon  SH: kkkkk  Jun: hihihi  SH: Jun-ah, u have practice tmr so  - go to sleep soon  KM: let's stay up  Jun: it's bad for health

Jun: haha  - yes hyung haha  SH: my attention will be to Kissmes alone  - because of you, my love is dispersed  Jun: alright, everyone bye~  - our hyung I love you haha  SH: Junnie bye~  KM: he'll go play battleground & threw us away  SH: he's not  KM: play BG well  SH: dont play BG Junnie

Soohyun: he have to practice tmr so he have to go  - okay, Kissmes say goodbye  - kkkkkkk  KM: Bye Jun  SH: Junnie oppa bye  - I Love you  - Junnie oppa, give me a kiss  - ah my eyes are hurting kkkkk  - my eyes are getting blurry kkkkk

KM: for the last time, once again a happy bday!! i love u  SH: thank u Manami  Jun: our hyung kiss -kiss_  *Jun left the chat room*  SH: anyway  - these days  - i've been sending gifts through Kakaotalk  KM: cake?  SH: something like that  - the world has improved  KM: u didnt know??

KM: oppa is like a grandpa  - actually  - there is a kid who calls me Grandpa in the camp  - kkkkk  KM: no, what  - grandpa  SH: on my IG  - i uploaded a pic with the guys  - one of them  KM: at the snack bar?  - u're not a grandpa ㅠㅠ  - i mean why you making our oppa a grandpa  - o! ppa!

guess who among these kids is calling Soohyun a grandpa

KM: not a grandpa, aint it more like an uncle  SH: not an uncle too  - it's hyung  KM: forever oppaㅠㅠㅠ  SH: since Jun left  - i knew that 10 ppl will leave  - they're so mean  KM: you didn't list them down, do you?  SH: im quite pissed to such  KM: scary  SH: I wrote it down

SH: later on, i will scold them  KM: you have us kkk i guess where not enough  SH: with my lips^^  - hihi  - ill never do it  - really  - i cant do that  - the idol's language  - it's been a while

KM: no oppa, do whatever you want to do  SH: i tried  - but the response was not good  KM: ah  SH: I'm not an idol  KM: you were an idol, come on  SH: im not playing with you  - i'm not an idol  - i'm an artist  KM: do whatever you want ㅠㅠ sorry..

Soo: ah right  - KissMe  - what do idols do these days  - what was that  KM: working  - singing  - promoting in KR?  SH: the heart by hands  - the circle one then  - when u open ur mouth  - heart forms  KM: biting heart (kkaemul heart)  SH: wow an innovation  - i have to try it too  - later on

KM: oh.. there's such thing? kkk  - ill buy you rabbit hat too  - you know rabbit hat right?  SH: rabbit hat  - that one with flopping ears  GF: i sent u a gift, where u able to receive it?  SH: oh i got it~ but i haven't seen (what it is)  - thank u ㅠㅠ you dont have to send me gifts

SH: send letters from time to time  GF: please let us know how many people there are on the camp  SH: us?  GF: yup  HY: we dont know it  SH: probably 60 people in all  GF: ??? really ???

SH: on our troop only  HY: how many of you in the barracks (she used the term 내무반 naemuban)  SH: naemuban kkkkkk  - it's been a long time ago since it's called naemuban  - it's called saenghwalgwan (barracks room was changed from 내무반 to 생활관)

SH: 10 ppl per barracks room  - each one has its own bed  - no, im close to all troop personnels  KM: what is ssajibang  SH: ssajibang is  - cyber knowledge info room  - no dont send gifts  - u dont have to send gifts  - letters, just letters  GF:anyway, hope u use it well the one i sent

KM: me too, i have to go as i have work tmr  SH: what is this  - now, if 5 ppl leaves  - i'll go too  - im sleepy ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ  KM: i wont go then  - no, you cant leave  SH: kkkkkk  KM: it's only been an hour since i got in here, no it cant be ㅜㅜ

[has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong]

Is there any specific NSFW content or kinks you will or won't do? I want to send in some NSFW asks but you don't specify in the pinned comment if there's anything specific you won't do and I don’t want to send in anything you don't like

Hello anon! That's actually a really good question. Besides saying that I'm very vanilla with writing nsfw, I haven't actually put down any specifics! Thank you for alerting me of this.

I've listed some information below on what topics I'm okay with and ones I'm not so knowledgeable on or feel awkward writing about.

Also, thank you for being so considerate. I really appreciate it. ^^

nsfw guidelines beneath the cut!

In summary:

STUFF I CAN DO

When asking for NSFW, please ask for up to 2 characters extra if you want to ask for a threesome. Besides from that, I don't mind writing about them separately, as individual 1-to-1 NSFW content.

any gender is OKAY. i do not mind. (i will probably have to research if you ask for specific sexual stuff though)

i have no qualms against stuff such as oral, head, foreplay and the like, its okay to ask for that

love bites, scratches and stuff are okay too! ^^

i could write about anal, but would deffo have to refer to wikipedia articles in order to ensure that its accurate.

if you wanna refer to the character as 'daddy' or 'mommy' then thats ok XD

casual sex is okay/ married couple is okay/ lovers are okay too. but i won't write about affairs.

degradation kink (but only to a basic degree!)

some sadism/ masochism is allowed. but i probably will keep it basic

dirty talk/ aftercare/ blindfolds/ edging/ orgasm denial/ praise kink

i do not mind asks about various sexual positions either however, i am not an expert on those so please do bear with me ^^

i can write about sub/dom, but only to a basic extent. (no alpha doms are allowed here, sorry XD)

AFTERCARE 100%!!!

Sex in the bath/ shower/hot springs/ outdoors...i do not mind the location of the ask, that's fine too. Yes, even if it's about a honeymoon, a wedding night, a bar/ nightclub, a hot tub...I WILL BE 100% OKAY WITH IT! LOCATIONS ARE MY SPECIALTY!

sleep sex/ somnophilia is... a confusing zone. i'm not sure if i'd write about it or not.

Kinks/ Fetishes are okay, but only at a basic level (i only know the basics anyway)

Overall: It's all vanilla, babey!

STUFF I CANT DO

I won't write about sexual partners who are too rough, too dominating, too cruel or those who malpractice the arts of BDSM. So basically, it won't be very spicy...

i won't write nsfw that's about 'corruption' or 'abuse'.

r*pe and other related topics to that are also BANNED

i also dislike writing NSFW about overly dominant partners. some dominance is okay but i won't write asks about controlling lovers.

im not very knowledgeable about hardcore bdsm stuff tbh so id suck at that, but basic concepts related to bdsm, such as blindfolds/ handcuffs are okay to ask for. ...i can only write about like the most basic of bdsm style things such as edging or orgasm denial.

PLEASE do not ask about cheating/ affairs, I cannot do it.

eventhough its okay if you want to call your requested character names such as 'daddy/mommy' there will be no baby roleplay.

DUBCON IS NOT ALLOWED. CONSENTING ADULTS ONLY.

I won't write about cuckoldry/ NTR

im not a fan of more violently sexual content such as bloodplay, violent punching sex stuff, swordplay...too much pain in sex makes me feel queasy!

no necrophilia

YANDERE NSFW IS BANNED!!

NO OMEGAVERSE (i have read it but...i'd rather not write it for my requests. sorry)

spitting/ incest/ bullying/ ropes/ torture is banned too.

NO CHRISTIAN GRAYS ALLOWED HERE, 50 SHADES CONTENT IS BANNED

No predator/ prey kink either (too controlling for me)

period sex (sorry...i dont know enough about it)

if it's too detailed, i probably can't write it, so please keep your nsfw asks general.

Conclusion: Sorry, I am not very spicy as I'm a newbie to writing NSFW content. But, this is all I can do at my current level.

[cryptidartist]

Don’t you just love

when you

fuck up

really bad

and you piss someone off to where they hate you and blocked you on everything

and you cant apologize

and even if this happened two weeks ago

it still haunts ur mind like it happened 5 min ago

mild spoilers for bfa if u wanna read my rant but it’s either common knowledge that everyone knows already or just. really minor, and its just a brief mention

I’m not gonna name anyone cuz it’s mostly my fault and it’s just rude, but some of you may know who im talking about, if you do please dont say who because :/

so my last gm on horde side introduced me to my current guild, which is alliance, and i was like ‘hey cool, i can throw in an alt and maybe get back into alliance rp’ cuz i’d been meaning to do that for a while

bare in mind i foresaw myself sticking around in this horde guild for a while, everyone was really friendly and shit yknow, and my character fit in the fold perfectly and it was really cool! and I mean I do not have a great track record with guilds, at all. the longest I was in a guild was...three months? if that, usually they died or i just severely lost interest and /gquit (only one i ever actually said goodbye the others i just ninja quit, and i may have done it with this horde guild had i been given half a chance)

well i got beta, right, and i have no care about spoilers (only for games and shows/movies idgaf about though). you want to tell me about this new thing blizzard did and how shitty/great the writing is? great. tell me, im all ears. so between me half-assedly playing and just. various stories I heard about beta. I immediately started hating the horde

i’d been able to ignore the hordes actions since, like, yknow, i could spam level through it and the opening quests werent all that heavy yknow, i have no idea whats been going on in lore? i just make shit up as i go along and usually im pretty good with it

but uh between the tree and the battle for lordaeron - the latter being aggressively obvious and impossible to ignore - and the fact that apparently theyre making sandfury bad again >:| my baby troll >:| is good >:| she’s not an evil person that shanks u and leaves ur body in the sand >:| i just started hating the horde

i still love trolls and belves, but like? i was like uh no thanks im not gonna follow no bitch who does that to her own people and im like “i’ll go alliance”

well i started thinking because i love saraydrel, my main, way too much, i’d have her defect and go alliance! and it works out because in every war sara’s been neutral, she’s spent most of her time after becoming a belf (which she never wanted) down in booty bay hanging out with the other cutthroats pirates and mercenaries, so it’s really not that hard for her to choose a side, and so naturally she’s gonna choose alliance

however because she joined up with a military esque guild naturally that meant she’d be a ‘for the horde’ and so i did a short mention of this to my horde GM - who didn’t really? respond? and they actually said it might be able to work, something like that, there was no definite awnser but there was also no ‘no’ at the time.

so i got a little too excited and turned around and started the storyline where she defects and goes alliance to my new alliance guild, and she starts spying on the horde guild im in, and i mention it a couple times to the horde gm but im mostly talking to the alliance officer who i was doing the storyline with

unfortunately i only mention this a couple times right, and after one point where i had sara doing a scoutng mission and she was working on secretly sabatoging them (they were scouting redridge, because she knows illusions and they trusted her to not betray them she walked in there, and actually would have notified the guard about the nearby horde menace, yada yada yada yknow?) and she relayed the information to said alliance officer while giving the facts she heard when she walked into lakeshire but not the facts she’d made to reality to the horde scouting leader

well the officer asked me like ‘are you telling -horde gm- about all this’ and i did an ‘oh shit’ moment because i’d forgotten to update her so i go to message them like ‘yo im really sorry, i fucked up and forgot to update you oocly about this’

well, they said they weren’t okay with Sara spying on the guild, and I was like ‘hey, okay, I’ll go ahead and stop, and if you want I can retcon everything I've done so far’ and I mean. i did. I told the people in my party who were doing the scouting mission like ‘okay just. What all Sara said was true, and she didn’t tip anyone off, etc. etc.’ and I mean. that was the first real thing I’d done so that should've been all I needed to fix, and I could still have had Sara help with the campaign and as they left she could've slipped back up to Redridge or Duskwood and into alliance territory and she would’ve been gone

but an officer of the horde guild logged in and kicked me and I was like ‘oh well okay understandable, maybe just say she was found out, and she had to escape, or she was exiled smth like that’

at this point, things go to shit, because the horde gm told me nothing on just how upset they were and the alliance gm is messaging me like ‘fix this, explain to them this was your idea,’ etc. etc. and the horde kicked me from the guild discord with no warning there (we had a heretic rank for the alliance members in that disc, they couldn’t see all the guild info, but they could chat and stuff in like general chat, so I was a little confused)

well I’d never sent them a friends request so at this point I sent them one, (actually, it’s a minute or so after I sent the request that the alliance gm messages me with that) and so in confusion and an inability to talk to them I message them over Tumblr and

after that I was blocked, and at this point I'm panicking because I couldn't send them a message and explain that yes okay I fucked up and I can try and fix it, I just made someone hate someone else who had nothing to do with my fuckup, and for such a small mistake that seemed so easily rectifiable and still leave the guild in good terms it honestly seemed like an overreaction

I mean I know I got over excited for a plotline that couldve been really interesting and that’s really no excuse I know and i know i fucked with their guild especially during a time where everything was going to shit in their real life and its just....i cant stop feeling like shit between me making them hate someone they were friends with, and someone who had nothing or at least very little to do with what I did and I mean, it just hurt that I couldn’t explain myself at the very least or give them an apology

, but i know it probably hurt more for them and i fucked up and even though everyone tells me that they’re the one who’s wrong for overreacting it’s still i started this mess and im the root of the problem and it just might be me being a crybaby but i cant get this guilt out of my head and it probably won’t go away until i can apologize and at least have the chance to repair the friendship that i broke (although i dont thing the alliance gm is up for that, but still)

and this happened 2 weeks ago and im just like. this is fine. can u get out of my head now b/c they hate me and they wont stop

[towhomevertowhatver-blog]

9/9/2019

Growing up to a single parent whos indeprendent and a strong willed person .. i always told you i that when i grew up i wanted to be like you.. youve always told me to be better and to do better things. The thing about having a single parent is that when we argue theres a dead end for me the feeling of “ im losing the only parent i have “ cicles my head and its an empty feeling.. regardless ive always been alone. Although i cant run to my father to seek conversation or guidence i was always able to run to you. But weve been arguing alot .. im trying here and you cant see it im tierd. i asked you for help,, you told me i could come to you with anything why is it when i need help with school things you tell me i need to figure it out, just because thats what you had to do .. my mind is in shambles and i cant figure out how to unwind all the mess thats in my head . ive only had you and latley you seem distant latley everything i do well isnt quite good enough. i dont make sense but this isnt for anyone but me. i love you and i cant wait for you to see that im actually trying to be great. youre supposed to be my mom youre supposed to share the knowledge you have with me , you had no one to be there.. and you want me to figure shit out for myself ?  i dont know but if i were to be a mother i know that i would wanna help my kid with what she doesnt know .. i dont know how half of these things work.. you do no? you know.. you always tell me “ learning from others mistakes is better than going through the hurt youself” tell me what was your process.. im young my asperations arent to be a hairstylest or a cna or a construction worker... why wont you listen to me .. why wont you listen to the words coming out of my mouth... i understand ive always understood. At age 5 i knew you werent happy with my father i knew that the reason you sat in a closet isolated wasnt because you were sick.. i also understood at age 10 when the daddy and daugher danced passed by and i was so excited because my dad was supposed to come a share this one moment with me.. remember how he didnt come ? and how it broke my heart into a million pieces and thats when i felt my first heart break my and not the biginning of more dissapointments. Or how i saved a ticekt for him my 8th grade graduation and how i kept looking at the stands just in case he came late because he had a tendency to run late all the time.. you saw how torn that had me ,, i wasnt crying because i was sad to say bye to my friends but because my father didnt have the balls to call me and tell me he wasnt going to make it. i understood that i had to keep my good heart because i knew thats something that i had that he didnt.. i cant go a time in peace where im not being compared to him by my looks or my corks... “ what you try to get rid of in your house always seems to come back “ that being me.. im sorry but please help me understand you , please help be understand a way to talk to you.. 

[ktrsss1fics]

Cheeseburger in Paradise: Five.

What’s the best way to cure a hangover?

For some, it’s a marathon sleep session and a few gallons of red Gatorade.

For others, it’s an early morning run around the block and a fresh smoothie before a few hours of yoga.

For Georgina Ferguson, it was getting on a boat at eight o'clock in the morning after four hours of sleep and a small piece of avocado toast.

Her head was throbbing. Her stomach was in knots. And the sound of a certain boy’s laugh was about to send her over the edge. She wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and wake up when the sun was starting to set and the little hole in the wall started to make their obnoxiously delicious jerk chicken kebabs.

But she agreed to go parasailing.

At the time it was suggested, it seemed like a good idea. As soon as Brittany jumped on her bed earlier that morning to wake her up, Georgina realized it was not.

“How ya holdin’ up?” Brittany asked nudging her gently.

“If he doesn’t stop with that fuckin laugh, I’m feedin’ ‘im to a shark.” Georgina grumbled.

“Oi, give 'im a break. He’s having fun.” Brittany said looking over at their Irish friend.

“Well he should do it somewhere else.” Georgina said burying her head in her hands.

“Did you really drink that much last night?” Brittany asked scanning Georgina’s face.

Georgina lowered her sunglasses and shot her best friend a dirty look. The dark rings under her puffy eyes spoke for themselves.

“What do you remember?” Brittany asked knowing that look all too well.

“I don’t know.” Georgina mumbled putting her glasses back into place.

“C'mon G.” Brittany said rubbing Georgina’s thigh lovingly.

“You got me up at the arse crack of dawn and put me on a boat that will most likely be covered in my stomach lining by the end of the day.” Georgina groaned. “And now you want me to open up to you about a night I don’t remember. Where is the love Brittany Anne, hmm? Where is the love?”

“You really don’t remember anything?” Brittany asked sounding disappointed.

“Ehhh…” Georgina replied.

Did she remember anything? Yes. She did.

Was she willing to admit it? No. Not at all.

Because if she did, then she would have to admit that she let Niall Horan kiss her and get away with it.

And that was not something she was willing to admit. At least not before she had time to over analyze every decision she had made the night before.

“Keith threw up by the pool.” Georgina said after playing with the idea of being honest.

“And the driveway.” Brittany added feigning disgust.

“Um there is a plant called the love tree and it has heart shaped leaves.” Georgina rattled off trying to play it cool.

As soon as those words left her lips, she felt a pair of eyes land on her. She refused to acknowledge the boy who they belonged to. She knew why he was looking but hadn’t realized he’d been listening.

“Excuse me, what?” Brittany asked confused.

“Yeah um I don’t know its like real name but apparently there is a real plant that has leaves that look like hearts.” Georgina shrugged trying to explain her new found knowledge.

“You’re such a fuckin weirdo babe.” Brittany laughed.

“You asked what I remembered and that is something I remembered.” Georgina said.

“How is that even something you remember?” Brittany shook her head.

“I don’t know.” Georgina said. “I just do.”

Regretfully, Georgina looked up. An appreciative smile graced the lips of a boy she was trying her best to ignore. She focused her eyes back on the floor. She didn’t have time for boys like him.

“Do you remember anything else?” Brittany asked hoping to get more information out of her friend.

Georgina let out a sigh. “Nope.”

Brittany scooted closer before lowering her voice. “So you don’t remember someone kissing you?”

“How do you know about that?” Georgina narrowed her eyes at her friend.

“I saw it go down. Wait, you remember that happening?” Brittany said with an excited grin.

“Yeah but I wasn’t going to admit it to you.” Georgina mumbled embarrassed.

“You like him.” Brittany said reading between the lines.

“No I don’t.” Georgina scoffed.

“God just sit on his face already Fergie. We all know you want to.” David’s voice croaked cheekily as he sat down beside her.

“For fucks sake.” Georgina grumbled as she pulled her knees towards her chest in an attempt to hide her blushing cheeks.

She really just wanted to throw herself off the boat. She didn’t care how far out they were. She didn’t care if fish or sharks or Ursula was waiting for her beneath the surface. She just wanted something to completely swallow her up.

“David Allen!” Brittany said scolding him.

“What?” Dave whined childishly.

“You can’t say shit like that.” Brittany whispered before glancing across the boat. Niall was trying his best to act like he hadn’t heard what was said. But his blushing cheeks were hard to miss.

“Like he doesn’t know already.” Dave said placing a hand on Georgina’s knee. “This one’s just playing hard to get.”

“Will you knock it off?” Brittany sighed. “We said we wouldn’t meddle.”

“Yeah but she’s into him. Why can I just help her realize it?” David said gently.

“Telling me to sit on someone’s face and coaxing me into realizing I have nonexistent feelings are two different things you twat.” Georgina sassed.

“And if she has feelings for him, it’s none of our business.” Brittany said giving her boyfriend a dirty look. “We talked about this.”

“Well excuse me sorry for trying to help.” David said before standing up. Both women shot him dirty looks. “I can tell I’m not wanted over here. I’ll just go talk to Keith instead.”

“Yeah brilliant idea.” Brittany said before turning to her friend. “Georgie–”

“I don’t have feelings for him or at least I don’t think I do.” Georgina said softly. “The kiss was just confusing and it caught me off guard.”

Brittany just nodded. “That’s okay G.”

“I don’t know what’s going on with me. I’m usually so sure with my feelings - especially when it comes to him.” Georgina explained. “But after yesterday, I just don’t know. I mean I still want to strangle him but I am kind of starting to enjoy looking at him.”

“And that’s perfectly normal.” Brittany smiled.

Georgina opened her mouth to say something but decided against it. She knew what Brittany was going to say. Niall was not Marcus. He was Niall and that made him better in every single way.

“You don’t have to have things sorted out right now.” Brittany said.

“I know.” Georgina sighed. “Haven’t really processed it all.”

“He’s scared of you.” Brittany said with a smirk.

Georgina looked across the boat to find Niall in a conversation with Dave and the boys. She slid her sunglasses on top of her head before turning her attention to Brittany.

“When he went to the bar after he kissed you, I ran into him. He was too scared to give you the drink.” Brittany explained. “He asked me to do it.”

“Why didn’t you?” Georgina asked. “I mean I could have used a little pep talk after it.”

“Sometimes you’ve got to let the people you love do things on their own.” Brittany shrugged.

Georgina rolled her eyes before putting her glasses back on. “Fuck, I’m too hungover for that shit Britt.”

“It’s true.” Brittany laughed at Georgina’s dramatics.

“When did you become a fucking Hallmark card?” Georgina asked.

“Oh stop. You know I’m just looking out for the two of you.” Brittany placed her head on her friend’s shoulder.

“You should be looking out for that boyfriend of yours.” Georgina said still disgusted by David’s comment.

“I can’t believe he bloody said that to you.” Brittany sighed. “I am so sorry.”

Georgina rested her head against Brittany as a comfortable silence fell between them. The early morning sun was dancing across the water as they continued to head to the middle of ocean. Her eyes wandered around the boat before landing on the group of boys in the corner. Dave was going on about a part of the night she hadn’t remembered and Niall was eating up every second of it.

She didn’t understand how he was doing it. He had consumed twice the amount of alcohol that she did yet he was walking around like almost fully functional human being. How was he acting like nothing happened? She didn’t know. She did know that his laugh was going to do her head in.

Georgina felt her best friend shift from beneath her.

“Wanna ride with me?” Brittany asked softly.

“Yes.” Georgina said. “Please.”

“I need a break from Dave.” Brittany said with a sigh. “Who says that shit this early?”

“It’s okay B. He was just trying to be funny.” Georgina said reassuringly.

“He doesn’t even like when I do that to him. Why would he assume that Niall would want you to do that?” Brittany said with a hint of annoyance in her voice. “Unless they’ve discussed it.”

“And if that’s the case, I do not want to know.” Georgina cringed picturing the boys talking about any of the girls that way.

“How was the – you know?” Brittany asked lowering her voice towards the end.

“It was short but okay I guess.” Georgina said replaying the kiss in her head. “More like a peck nothing too substantial.”

“Would you want something more substantial?” Brittany asked smugly. Georgina sighed, “Honestly?”

“Fuck!” Brittany’s eyes lit up as she studied her best friend’s face. “You do.”

Georgina closed her eyes embarrassed. “If we keep getting as pissed as we did last night, I’m afraid it’s going to happen.”

“You haven’t had a good snog in ages.” Brittany pointed out.

“Would be easier to find some island guy for that.” Georgina joked.

“The boys wouldn’t let that happen.” Brittany said.

“I know. They are all so damn protective.” Georgina said. “I’m fine on me own.”

Niall cackled loudly catching their attention. She hated what it did to her. He turned her insides into goo and set her skin on fire. He was slowly chipping away at the tough exterior she had built before she left England and she didn’t like it.

“I think by the end of this trip, something will have happened between you two.” Brittany said keeping her eyes on Niall.

“Why’d you say that?” Georgina asked doing the same.

“Have you seen the way the kid looks at you?” Brittany asked.

“Stop putting those thoughts in me head.” Georgina grumbled.

“You are two single adults. It’s okay to have those thoughts G.” Brittany said patting her on the leg. “He’s not Marcus.”

“No he’s just a hot young millionaire who could get any girl in the world that he wants.” Georgina said as Niall caught her staring.

A shy smile was sent in her direction.

“Yeah but you see that?” Brittany asked nodding towards their friend. “He only has eyes for you.”