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#like it's almost written for him
deardoomedworld · 9 months
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I apologise in advance for the tonal whiplash of this trainwreck. But I won't apologise for anything else.
Yeah it's a Jesper playlist. Take it.
(Preview of lyrics under the read more.)
I never knew they threw in complimentary cockiness with the purchase of a shoe // I think I should know how to make love to something innocent without leaving my fingerprints out // For the record, I'm fine with what's left of what's mine (I almost took you by mistake for someone else) // We have childhood trauma just like you (cuz' fit hot guys have problems too) // Spending every night on empty beaches with the same four kids (you'll never sleep with) // Take my tea with formaldehyde for my feminine side // And smiling pretty, well pretty will shallow you forever // I was trying to be a better person but I'm weak // Can't find coke so I snort Ibuprofen // When I forget you, I'm all alone without a place to go // I don't deserve you now that I forgot your face.
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prahacat · 7 months
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when the horrors catch up and you take an evening off to batch-process
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jadewritesficshere · 3 months
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Thinking about Eddie Munson who was complaining to the rest of the band about his shoulders and neck hurting post show. One of them convinces him to go for a massage.
Eddie shows up day of and is told to strip to level of comfort and get under the sheets laying on his back, his masseuse will knock before coming in. Eddie has not an ounce of care or shame, strips completely naked. Scars and tattoos on full display. He climbs between the sheets and waits. After knocking and hearing a "come in", his masseuse enters and-
The most handsome man he's ever seen walks in. A bit of stubble on his defined jaw, soft pale lips Eddie wants to kiss, big brown eyes Eddie wants to get lost in, slutty little waist and an ass Eddie could-
He introduces himself as Steve. Verifies where Eddie had said his tension was on the form he hastily filled out. Then it starts.
And maybe, maybe, Eddie is a bit touch starved. He could have anyone he wants, but they don't want him just his fame. Pushes them all away. Only gets close to his band, but they all are busy and have their own people outside of work.
And Steve is just touching him. Rubbing smooth circles into his temple, down his cheekbones towards his jaw. Pressing on parts of Eddie's face he didn't even realize were tense. It's relaxing.
And Eddie regrets not leaving at least his boxers on to help hide that he's becoming hard. Kind of embarrassing, which makes his dick harder- which, that's a lot to unpack right now-
"Hey, relax man," Steve says, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. Eddie can see Steve's eyes dart towards the obvious situation," It's natural. Happens to the best of us." "Does it happen to you?" Eddie blurts out. Eddie wants to shove his face in one of these soft plush pillows and scream, but Steve just snorts a laugh and shakes his head at him. Doesn't even respond as he continues the massage.
Eddie tries to hold back his groans as Steve turns his head to the side and rubs his neck into his shoulders. He can feel the tension leave his body slowly. Feel the knots in his muscles release.
Eddie can't, however, hold back the noise he makes when Steve grabs a hold of his hair and tugs it. Eddie's eyes pop open and he stares into Steve's face, who has started blushing. Steve just clears his throat and let's Eddie's hair go before continuing the massage.
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agnesandhilda · 3 months
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watched a (pirated) mr. birchum episode out of curiosity and in it the asshole conservative protagonist has a homoerotic daydream about the other teacher who's a stand in for the ""woke left"" that he hates, which is the opener for the episode and is also never referred to again, gets his sleeve caught in a machine in his woodshop at work and spends days contemplating his life and regrets while he's trapped (or so he thinks). this montage includes how he met his current wife who he doesn't respect and who isn't honest with him (the b-plot expands on this), how his ex-partner left him after coming out as a lesbian and was repulsed after he tried to persuade her to stay with him, reasoning that her being queer meant they could just share a girlfriend now (that was not what it meant), and culminating in a marlboro man-esque image of commercialized rugged usamerican masculinity telling him to chew his own arm off to escape, before one of his students comes along and frees him by just cutting off his sleeve. all that and he thought to chew his own arm off before he considered just tearing his sleeve. and it's all played as a comedy. fever dream episode
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god-i-hope-so · 4 months
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I love how Buck showed Tommy he was indeed ready for something. He invited him for coffee in a very public place, in broad daylight, the table is in the middle. And he's the one putting his hand on Tommy's.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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Once I was scrolling thru naruto fics and saw the tag "buisnessman!Kakashi" and all I could think about was Kakashi being a child businessman, owning all the konoha adults at doing business while wearing an oversized suit and tie. That idea is so fucking funny to me.
#obito: that kakashi! hes always showing me up by getting better deals than me >:-(#also just the idea of lil child Kakashi showing up at a business meeting and sealing the deal with an outline written in adorablly childish#handwriting. written in crayon lol#call this the naruto businessman au#every ninja is a business person and it exactly parallels canon. that is my dream#sealed inside naruto is the partial spirit of the ultimate buisnessman but its too powerful and everyones afraid#fucking hashirama's face on the wall as the company founder lmao rip madara: fuck this company ur brother embarrassed my brother so bad#at deal making that he died. im gonna tear it all down. face me hashirama! deal for deal. ill become the ultimate businessman ill control#the world and put an end to all this business!#oh got its so weird like the founders waterpark au that i also keep deep in my heart#anyway this is weird wtf am i doing. procrastinating and its like almost 11 i should keep writing or go to sleep lol#but wait: 10 years ago the spirit of a ferral businessman was unleashed upon this building. there was no stopping him. his charisma was#unmatched. his expense reports! his terrible otherworldly expense reports! he was too efficient! he fired half the staff! the spirit of#that buisnessman is sealed inside of u naruto. thats why theyre so afraid of u. and then cut to naruto in an oversized buisness suit#looking shocked. aw iruka as a daycare working. cute#anyway this is fucking dystopian lol#unrelated#naruto ramblings
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@disastertourwaterdeepedition
Sorry for the weird fucking post but like tumblr straight up ate your ask?? I had to search and screenshot from my email??
Its like super fine I love big rants and big feelings (especially about the blorbo of the month).
Whoa buddy if you wanna talk about a rant. This got so long I'm putting it under a read more.
I'm not sure any of this is above board conscious thought process. When he looks to Orym, when he thinks about how he feels about Orym, I think Dorian, king of compartmentalizing, gets a rush of all three of the things in the post. He gets a little too lost in thought looking at the way Orym's hair now tries to curl against his ear or how well tailored the armor is to his body, he first gets hit with the Will guilt. Then he thinks about "ohmygodtheresawaron" and he'd shovel all of that down. Because its not time to think about Orym and him. But he knows by the way Orym watches him "sleep". He knows by the way Orym refused to be princess carried in Aeror. (Seriously dude Dorian princess carries everyone. It would have been less suspicious if you let it happen). He knows because Orym didn't see his husband when they were in Zephrah. But when he dares himself to actually think about a possible future together, he uses the big three to shove it down. And no, he has no clue that Orym thinks he doesn't return his feelings. (Wow you're right. Pronouns are hard)
Lol to finally answer your question: I'm not sure! Because the thing is! Orym has gone down twice in a battle with Dorian there! And honestly if Orym being on death's door doesn't make either of them confess, i'm not sure what will! (thats a lie I do have an idea). But like Orym went to the moon and back and almost died on the moon and all the count communicate to Dorian was "I miss you"!! Orym nearly died twice in one battle and he didn't think to give Dorian a sloppy, "If I die again I want to have kissed you once" kiss before going in for another round of getting hacked on. Dorian watched him go down and had to bring him back from death's door (one failed save scared the shit out of me) and he didn't think to give Orym a "We need you, I need you" kiss.
My unfortunate thought process, which I can't decide if I want it to come true or not, is that Dorian has to get hurt. Like when I say hurt I fucking mean it. Taken down in a round or two, two failed death saves, hurt. Because then Orym will have to face losing Dorian again. Face losing the man he loves, again. He pours a healing potion into Dorian's mouth because warlocks don't have a single healing spell. (Just checked). Orym feels so helpless in saving Dorian, because a healing potion isn't nearly enough to keep him up. He starts to cry over Dorian's (now conscious) body. He whispers between sobs "Not again, not again. Dorian you can't leave me. I love you, please, I never got to tell you, please stay alive." and Dorian, having heard all of that, reaches up to cup Orym's cheek and says. "Alright, just for you though."
Or something like that.
As much as I would love for them to be adults and just talk to each other. I know thats not going to happen. (Please, Robbie, Liam, prove me wrong.) So I think major tragedy will be the reason they confess to each other. Because they're idiots in love with a lot of weight on their shoulders.
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wrathofrats · 4 months
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Aether comforting ifrit after he gets overwhelmed. Taking care of everyone else before himself. Can’t stop to ensure he’s doing alright because someone else needs him more. Zephyr has too much to deal with to stop and take of him, they don’t deserve that burden.
But it’s too much, it always is. Standing in the middle of the kitchen after promising to make lunch for the other ghouls, head feels like static, vision tunneled on the sandwich in front of him. And when he drops the butter knife on the floor it just becomes too much.
Ifrit tries to stop the tears before they come, hot and thick welling up at the corners of his eyes. But he can’t. His hand shakes as he picks up the butter knife, determined to finish his task.
And aether sees, can feel that ifrit was on the brink from a mile away. Just quietly takes the utensil from him, shushing him and telling him that it’s not important, that he can’t finish this in his current state, that the others will understand.
And ifrit just collapses into him. The floodgates opening once aether wraps his arms around him, pulling his head into his shoulder.
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leqclerc · 4 months
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I think everything that could be said has already been said regarding Charles’s Monaco win. But I’m just… Wow. It’s so surreal.
Having followed him for several years now, witnessing the hope and subsequent disappointment as yet another chance to win his home race slips away… The heartbreak and helplessness of 2021 and the anger and frustration of 2022… It’s Charles’s dream fulfilled and Charles’s accomplishment but I feel like it’s personal for so many of us who’ve endured all of those emotional rollercoasters and setbacks along with him, invested in his quest to reach for something he yearned for so deeply. We’re all sharing in it now, Charles’s emotions a reflection of our own; disappointments into delights.
The funny thing is, I was completely calm once he secured pole on Saturday, in a way I rarely am, especially when it comes to racing. It’s hard to describe but it was just this serenity, this gut feeling that today is the day, and that there won’t be any more upsetting surprises. That this is the weekend where that chapter of the “curse” ends, where history is made, that this is where the path was leading all along.
It wasn’t really until Charles crossed the finish line, until that team radio, that inflection in his voice, the way he evidently teared up, the way he ran into his team’s waiting embrace and the way he spoke about his father that it hit me, the emotions, the sheer magnitude of the feat – so straightforward at first glance but heavy with the weight of expectation, longing, past disappointment. The palpable relief on the podium, the way he could finally close his eyes and just drink it all in. Maybe it played out exactly the way he had imagined all that time, maybe it was different, maybe it was better. But it was, in some way, fated.
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greenerteacups · 29 days
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oooh please someday tell us what you think of GOT
oh, no, it's my fatal weakness! it's [checks notes] literally just the bare modicum of temptation! okay you got me.
SO. in order to tell what's wrong with game of thrones you kind of have to have read the books, because the books are the reason the show goes off the rails. i actually blame the showrunners relatively little in proportion to GRRM for how bad the show was (which I'm not gonna rehash here because if you're interested in GOT in any capacity you've already seen that horse flogged to death). people debate when GOT "got bad" in terms of writing, but regardless of when you think it dropped off, everyone agrees the quality declined sharply in season 8, and to a certain extent, season 7. these are the seasons that are more or less entirely spun from whole cloth, because season 7 marks the beginning of what will, if we ever see it, be the Winds of Winter storyline. it's the first part that isn't based on a book by George R.R. Martin. it's said that he gave the showrunners plot outlines, but we don't know how detailed they were, or how much the writers diverged from the blueprint — and honestly, considering the cumulative changes made to the story by that point, some stark divergence would have been required. (there's a reason for this. i'll get there in a sec.)
so far, i'm not saying anything all that original. a lot of people recognized how bad the show got as soon as they ran out of Book to adapt. (I think it's kind of weird that they agreed to make a show about an unfinished series in the first place — did GRRM figure that this was his one shot at a really good HBO adaptation, and forego misgivings about his ability to write two full books in however many years it took to adapt? did he think they would wait for him? did he not care that the series would eventually spoil his magnum opus, which he's spent the last three decades of his life writing? perplexing.) but the more interesting question is why the show got bad once it ran out of Book, because in my mind, that's not a given. a lot of great shows depart from the books they were based on. fanfiction does exactly that, all the time! if you have good writers who understand the characters they're working with, departure means a different story, not a worse one. now, the natural reply would be to say that the writers of GOT just aren't good, or at least aren't good at the things that make for great television, and that's why they needed the books as a structure, but I don't think that's true or fair, either. books and television are very different things. the pacing of a book is totally different from the pacing of a television show, and even an episodic book like ASOIAF is going to need a lot of work before it's remotely watchable as a series. bad writers cannot make great series of television, regardless of how good their source material is. sure, they didn't invent the characters of tyrion lannister and daenerys targaryen, but they sure as hell understood story structure well enough to write a damn compelling season of TV about them!
so but then: what gives? i actually do think it's a problem with the books! the show starts out as very faithful to the early books (namely, A Game of Thrones and A Clash of Kings) to the point that most plotlines are copied beat-for-beat. the story is constructed a little differently, and it's definitely condensed, but the meat is still there. and not surprisingly, the early books in ASOIAF are very tightly written. for how long they are, you wouldn't expect it, but on every page of those books, the plot is racing. you can practically watch george trying to beat the fucking clock. and he does! useful context here is that he originally thought GOT was going to be a trilogy, and so the scope of most threads in the first book or two would have been much smaller. it also helps that the first three books are in some respects self-contained stories. the first book is a mystery, the second and third are espionage and war dramas — and they're kept tight in order to serve those respective plots.
the trouble begins with A Feast for Crows, and arguably A Storm of Swords, because GRRM starts multiplying plotlines and treating the series as a story, rather than each individual book. he also massively underestimated the number of pages it would take him to get through certain plot beats — an assumption whose foundation is unclear, because from a reader's standpoint, there is a fucke tonne of shit in Feast and Dance that's spurious. I'm not talking about Brienne's Riverlands storyline (which I adore thematically but speaking honestly should have been its own novella, not a part of Feast proper). I'm talking about whole chapters where Tyrion is sitting on his ass in the river, just talking to people. (will I eat crow about this if these pay off in hugely satisfying ways in Winds or Dream? oh, totally. my brothers, i will gorge myself on sweet sweet corvid. i will wear a dunce cap in the square, and gleefully, if these turn out to not have been wastes of time. the fact that i am writing this means i am willing to stake a non-negligible amount of pride on the prediction that that will not happen). I'm talking about scenes where the characters stare at each other and talk idly about things that have already happened while the author describes things we already have seen in excruciating detail. i'm talking about threads that, while forgivable in a different novel, are unforgivable in this one, because you are neglecting your main characters and their story. and don't tell me you think that a day-by-day account tyrion's river cruise is necessary to telling his story, because in the count of monte cristo, the main guy disappears for nine years and comes hurtling back into the story as a vengeful aristocrat! and while time jumps like that don't work for everything, they certainly do work if what you're talking about isn't a major story thread!
now put aside whether or not all these meandering, unconcluded threads are enjoyable to read (as, in fairness, they often are!). think about them as if you're a tv showrunner. these bad boys are your worst nightmare. because while you know the author put them in for a reason, you haven't read the conclusion to the arc, so you don't know what that reason is. and even if the author tells you in broad strokes how things are going to end for any particular character (and this is a big "if," because GRRM's whole style is that he lets plots "develop as he goes," so I'm not actually convinced that he does have endings written out for most major characters), that still doesn't help you get them from point A (meandering storyline) to point B (actual conclusion). oh, and by the way, you have under a year to write this full season of television, while GRRM has been thinking about how to end the books for at least 10. all of this means you have to basically call an audible on whether or not certain arcs are going to pay off, and, if they are, whether they make for good television, and hence are worth writing. and you have to do that for every. single. unfinished. story. in the books.
here's an example: in the books, Quentin Martell goes on a quest to marry Daenerys and gain a dragon. many chapters are spent detailing this quest. spoiler alert: he fails, and he gets charbroiled by dragons. GRRM includes this plot to set up the actions of House Martell in Winds, but the problem is that we don't know what House Martell does in Winds, because (see above) the book DNE. So, although we can reliably bet that the showrunners understand (1) Daenerys is coming to Westeros with her 3 fantasy nukes, and (2) at some point they're gonna have to deal with the invasion of frozombies from Canada, that DOESN'T mean they necessarily know exactly what's going to happen to Dorne, or House Martell. i mean, fuck! we don't even know if Martin knows what's going to happen to Dorne or House Martell, because he's said he's the kind of writer who doesn't set shit out beforehand! so for every "Cersei defaults on millions of dragons in loans from the notorious Bank of Nobody Fucks With Us, assumes this will have no repercussions for her reign or Westerosi politics in general" plotline — which might as well have a big glaring THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT stamp on top of the chapter heading — you have Arianne Martell trying to do a coup/parent trap switcheroo with Myrcella, or Euron the Goffick Antichrist, or Faegon Targaryen and JonCon preparing a Blackfyre restoration, or anything else that might pan out — but might not! And while that uncertainty about what's important to the "overall story" might be a realistic way of depicting human beings in a world ruled by chance and not Destiny, it makes for much better reading than viewing, because Game of Thrones as a fantasy television series was based on the first three books, which are much more traditional "there is a plot and main characters and you can generally tell who they are" kind of book. I see Feast and Dance as a kind of soft reboot for the series in this respect, because they recenter the story around a much larger cast and cast a much broader net in terms of which characters "deserve" narrative attention.
but if you're making a season of television, you can't do that, because you've already set up the basic premise and pacing of your story, and you can't suddenly pivot into a long-form tone poem about the horrors of war. so you have to cut something. but what are you gonna cut? bear in mind that you can't just Forget About Dorne, or the Iron Islands, or the Vale, or the North, or pretty much any region of the story, because it's all interconnected, but to fit in everything from the books would require pacing of the sort that no reasonable audience would ever tolerate. and bear in mind that the later books sprout a lot more of these baby-plots that could go somewhere, but also might end up being secondary or tertiary to the "main story," which, at the end of the day, is about dragons and ice zombies and the rot at the heart of the feudal power system glorified in classical fantasy. that's the story that you as the showrunner absolutely must give them an end to, and that's the story that should be your priority 1.
so you do a hack and slash job, and you mortar over whatever you cut out with storylines that you cook up yourself, but you can't go too far afield, because you still need all the characters more or less in place for the final showdown. so you pinch here and push credulity there, and you do your best to put the characters in more or less the same place they would have been if you kept the original, but on a shorter timeframe. and is it as good as the first seasons? of course not! because the material that you have is not suited to TV like the first seasons are. and not only that, but you are now working with source material that is actively fighting your attempt to constrain a linear and well-paced narrative on it. the text that you're working with changed structure when you weren't looking, and now you have to find some way to shanghai this new sprawling behemoth of a Thing into a television show. oh, and by the way, don't think that the (living) author of the source material will be any help with this, because even though he's got years of experience working in television writing, he doesn't actually know how all of these threads will tie together, which is possibly the reason that the next book has taken over 8 years (now 13 and counting) to write. oh and also, your showrunners are sick of this (in fairness, very difficult) job and they want to go write for star wars instead, so they've refused the extra time the studio offered them for pre-production and pushed through a bunch of first-draft scripts, creating a crunch culture of the type that spawns entirely avoidable mistakes, like, say, some poor set designer leaving a starbucks cup in frame.
anyway, that's what I think went wrong with game of thrones.
#using the tags as a footnote system here but in order:#1. quentin MAY not be dead according to some theories but in the text he is a charred corpse#2. arianne is great and i love her but to be honest. my girl is kinda dumb. just 2 b real.#3. faegon is totally a blackfyre i think it's so obvious it may well be text at this point#it's almost r+l = j level man like it's kind of just reading comprehension at this point#4. relatedly there are some characters i think GRRM has endings picked out for and some i think he specifically does NOT#i think stannis melisandre jon and daenerys all will end up the same. jon and dany war crimes => murder/banishment arc is just classic GRRM#but i think jon's reasoning will be different and it'll be better-written.#im sorry but babygirl shireen IS getting flambeed. in response stannis will commit epic battle suicide killing all boltons i hope#brienne will live but in some tragic 'stay awhile horatio' capacity. likely she will try to die defending her liege and fail#faegon will die there's zero chance blackfyres win ever#now jaime/cersei I do NOT think he knows. my brothers in christ i don't think this motherfucker knows who the valonqar is!!#same with tyrion i think that the author in GRRM wants to do a nasty corruption arc + kill him off but the person in him loves him too much#sansa i have no goddamn idea what's going to happen. we just don't know enough about the northern conspiracy to tell#w/ arya i think he has... ideas. i don't think she's going to sail off to Explore i am almost certain that the show doing that was a cover#because the actual idea he gave them was unsavory or nonviable for some reason. bc like.#why would arya leave bran and jon and sansa? the family she's just spent her whole life fighting to come back to and avenge?#this is suspicious this does not feel like arya this does not feel right#bran will not be king or if he is it'll be in a VERY different way not the dumbfuck 'let's vote' bullshit#i personally think bran is going to go full corruption arc and become possessed by the 3 eyed raven. but that could be a pipe dream#the thing is he's way too OP in the show so the books have to nerf him and i think GRRM is still trying to work out#a way to actually do that.#i don't think he told them what happened with littlefinger or sansa. i think sansa's story is vaguely similar#(stark restoration through the female line etc)#but the queen in the north shit is way too contrived frankly. and selfishly i hope she gets something different#being a monarch in ASOIAF is not a happy ending. we know this from the moment we meet robert baratheon in AGOT#and we learn exactly what GRRM thinks of the people who 'win' these endless wars of succession#and they are not heroes#they are not celebrated#and they are neither safe nor happy
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cluescorner · 5 months
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I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc
#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne#batman#batfamily#for all of the issues that come with having Steph as your fave having too much wild shit happening at once is never one of them#btw I quite like The Boy Wonder Issue 1. wow shocker an artist and writer who I have liked everything they've ever done#has once again written something that I am enjoying with art that makes me want to be part of its world.#it's almost like Juni Ba is really freaking talented or something#like I have some problems with it but it seems like many of those are part of the point. Damian is learning that his siblings are more#three-dimensional than he realized and that is part of this 'coming of age' story merged with fairytale#so I can't be mad at the oversimplistic defining of Dick and Jason and Tim until the conclusion of the series. that might be the point.#I hope that the series will address Steph as a Robin but if not then frankly it's not an issue unique to this series.#I'll be annoyed and disappointed but ultimately roll with it like I am with Babsgirl being here. There's too much good stuff here to get#hung up on shit that seems to be almost an editorial mandate at this point. at least that's where I'm at.#I am also very sorry that Chip Zdarsky is massacring your boy. he has 'X (Tim for him) is the best Robin so everyone else must suck' diseas#where a writer really likes one specific Robin and in trying to uplift them demeans all of the other Robins. instead of like...just writing#for that one character only or alternatively not demeaning the other characters in order to make his blorbo look good#it's wild because I actually think his writing for Tim is pretty solid. but he's not writing a Tim series. he's writing a Batman series.#and if you are going to write a Batman series and include other Batfamily members you need to actually write them well.#instead of assigning them like 2 personality traits while Tim gets to be a whole character#I accept that behavior in fanfic where I have lesser standards because it's fucking free. not a comic run that wants me to pay#tens of dollars in order to understand what the fuck is going on. he's been going for a while now it's gotta be a lot of money.#I can buy Steelworks with that money. I can see John Henry and Natasha Irons in a trade. Fuck you Chip.#it's why it takes such a special person to write a good ensemble story/a good Batfamily story. you have to be good at writing a LOT#of different characters. which I don't think most people are. I sure as hell am not. I can write maybe 3 at a time confidently well.#and you also have to give all of them at least SOME love or else people will be upset that you aren't focusing on their fave#and also the writing as a whole will suffer. Chip Zdarsky is a pretty good Tim writer. I'd maybe read a Tim solo written by him.#I would not read a story focusing on multiple characters that I like written by Chip Zdarsky. because every character who isn't Tim#is at least a bit weak/inconsistent/out of character INCLUDING FUCKING BATMAN. THE NO. 1 GUY MOST ARE HERE FOR
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ninja-knox-ur-sox-off · 8 months
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Re-reading jttw after so many years is wild because my reading comprehension has improved so much. I didn't realize how many gods just straight up lied to the jade emperor and others about swk like bro those peach maiden gals fr said he beat the crap outta them when the mans never laid a hand on them-
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fmet · 1 year
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I always go back to that moment in 206 when Eunyung has just left his family home for the last time and he calls out to Haejoon and Juwan, but there’s no answer. They had to leave, and Eunyung realized that for however long, he had been experiencing that confrontation with his dad (and mother) essentially without allies. Everything that he had done and said, with the perceived security of knowing there were people in the other side of that door who could hear them, was suddenly reassessed under a vulnerable and isolated lens, rather than a secure and supported one. He soon learns afterward that they were forced to leave by security because they were accused of loitering, but the gap in time that he probably spent thinking they left of their own free will while he was facing off his parents isn’t something that can be easily coped with.
Eunyung “saved” himself from his parents, and it wouldn’t have been as immediately liberating as it had been for him if someone else had forced that separation. But the adjacent people in his life that he (at least previously) saw as a support network and frame of reference for normal/abnormal relationships are just as invaluable as his own introspection and bravery during this arc.
His being taken care of by Juwan and Haejoon, where he has soup bought for him and he’s chauffeured around; his conversation with Marie, where he gets to witness the ramifications of domestic abuse as an outsider; and the countless conversations he had with Haejoon over this arc, where Haejoon insists to him that what he was and is going through is abnormal. By getting to sympathize with a fellow abuse survivor and by growing adjusted to having people like Haejoon advocate for him, he develops the beginning of an expectation that he can be understood and supported by these people. Not only that, but that he should be, or at least it’s something that he should strive for when given the opportunity. This perceived support ultimately culminated in him being able to say the things he did to his dad. He was the one who took that final step, there’s no denying the courage he displayed doing what he did, but it would have been impossible for him to focus this courage into a clear and aspired effort without getting a glimpse of what he had been missing growing up: predictable love and empathy.
Emphasis on predictable, because from what we know of Eunyung’s home life and the people that have supported him in the past, every ounce of love and grace he received was conditional and temporary. His abuse being unpredictable, the people who loved and supported him frequently withdrawing when they realize that he’s an actual person with idiosyncrasies and needs, and that advocating/caring for him takes real effort, and the defensive mindset needed to grow up in an abusive household would have warped his view of people’s rejection or acceptance regardless. Learning to expect that Juwan and Haejoon would be there when he needed them to be isn’t just unexpected of Eunyung: it’s juxtaposed to everything that he’s learned growing up on the streets. It’s probably only his being younger (i.e., more capable of change) that granted him the flexibility to expect care from someone again.
So, the realization that Haejoon and Juwan weren’t there when he thought they were dramatically shifted his perspective on their support, Haejoon’s in particular. Just after beginning to develop this alien expectation, something happens that allows him to dismiss it. Relying on these people in an emotional way has to be done very carefully, sparingly, in his mind, because at any moment, whether by freak chance or someone’s own animosity, lack of caring, etc, it could be ripped away from him. Similar to the unpredictablility of his father and mothers behavior, he approaches other people’s emotional states with the same fleetedness. If he can’t understand the way people think, if he can’t guarantee he’ll always be able to abide by their guidelines for humane treatment, or, now, if in Haejoon and Juwan’s case, he thinks his nature is incompatible with theirs, he will deliberately withdraw himself from them.
The same way he continues to reminisce and hold onto the haunted dorm as the visage of a fleeting home environment, he considers emotional homes such as Haejoon with that same impermanence. Only now, with concrete “proof” that it isn’t permanent, with Haejoon and Juwan not being there when Eunyung thought they would be, it’s much easier to distance from that emotional home as a way to protect himself. The title of “emotional home” can even be ascribed to inanimate objects and concepts: his childhood passion for theatre, his talent in cooking, his hairstyle. So many of the things he holds dear he is also deathly afraid of having. Having to decide between deprecative abstinence, fearing even more having lost it after experiencing it firsthand; versus reckless overindulgence, after experiencing loss in the past and thus losing the emotional sincerity he carries for something; summarizes a lot of his behavior, and it can especially be seen in the current arc. He holds off on signing up for theater until he’s racing against the clock (221), he deliberately distances himself from Haejoon and Juwan because he doesn’t consider himself as “adjusted” of a person as they are; but robs bald HR teacher dry when he takes him to eat and laughs at his efforts to connect with him. The latter being juxtaposed to his middle school-selfs response, because prior trauma from his middle school teacher jaded him to the concept of adults, and especially teachers, advocating for him unconditionally.
Eunyung’s deliberate absence from Haejoon’s life is both in his efforts to protect Haejoon’s body and to protect his own. In that same light, his hesitance in following his passions, while inadvertently mocking the systems of support he’s been betrayed by previously (teachers, parents, etc) are all in efforts to protect himself emotionally. If he never fails after trying, if he dismisses all outreach as insincere, if he’s never reminded of what he’s lost and how it hurt him, he doesn’t have to be hurt again. It looks like with the rest of this “Eunyung Baek Again” arc, we’ll probably witness more proof of this fleeting view of support/commiseration via this middle school teacher, portrayed in how he treats his high school HR teacher now. In the opposite vein, trying to actualize his passion for theatre (and being successful in doing so), seeing new and old people in his life advocate for him, and maybe even acknowledging that his HR teacher could be looking out for him, are just a few of the many details that could begin to deconstruct his emotional lines of defense. I’m not caught up with the spoiler chapters, but I hope (and really believe) that this will be the case.
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fromtheseventhhell · 1 year
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Not Arya, Robb, and Jon catching strays for not "warning" Sansa about Joffrey?? As though they didn't all meet him at the same time and have equal opportunity to understand what he was like?? It just blows my mind that somehow everybody can be blamed for her actions regarding Joffrey but Sansa herself. Apparently, she can't be expected to understand anything because nobody sat down and slowly explained everything to her using small words (not even when Ned does just that lol). And then they just ignore the fact that Sansa had a crush on Joffery and actively wanted to marry him? To the point of excusing his behavior when she witnessed his cruelty first-hand? Then they pretend that she was just "coping" with her engagement when she actively argued against Ned breaking it and went to Cersei because she thought she could stop him from doing so. There's no way they like her actual character if this is what they have to come up with to cope with her writing.
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chellodello · 8 months
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How’s that hanahaki going for you space-boy?
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whorejolras · 9 months
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i'm saying it. i don't think joly would work in a hospital. i think his medical career would be informed by his politics + radicalisation and his + his friends regular drug use, he would be outraged at how the medical industry handles drug users, also at the medical industrial complex in general, so he would find a reputable community led harm reduction organisation to work for 🫶🏻
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