#like people aren't separating fiction from reality

[gimmethatagustd]

👀

[03jyh23]

🌃⌇night, interrupted┆jung wooyoung

neighbor!non-idol!wooyoung x reader ft. non-idol!yeosang

│synopsis: you owe a favor to your annoying neighbor

│genre: enemies to lovers

│trigger warnings: wooyoung and yeosang are bisexual, party-themed, alcohol consumption, mature language, excessive use of ''princess''

│words: 10.4 k

│reminder: what you’re about to read is purely fiction, so let’s keep it separate from reality.

│requested prompts are bold

!minors do not interact!

— hi there! i'm ashamed to confess that this request has been sitting in my inbox since april :( i'm so sorry it took me so long to get to it, but i had so many different ideas about where this story should go. i'm thinking about re-opening my requests soon. as always i hope you will enjoy it!

love, monika ♡

i’d be so grateful for a little love – a like, reblog or comment would truly make my day!

"What are you even doing here?" you asked, your voice laced with surprise and a hint of annoyance. You had opened the door expecting to see anyone but him. But there he was, Wooyoung, the last person on earth you wanted to see on a Saturday night, or whenever to be honest. He stood there, a smirk playing on his lips as he leaned casually against the door frame. His eyes held a playful glint that contrasted with the seriousness of your tone.

"It’s nice to see you too, Y/N" he greeted, his voice light and cheerful. He smiled brightly at you, his eyes crinkling at the corners, completely unfazed by your cold tone and unamused expression. His nonchalance in the face of your clear displeasure made the situation all the more irritating for you.

"What on earth are you doing here, Wooyoung?" You demanded, your voice was stern and serious. You crossed your arms over your chest, your gaze never leaving his face.

"Oh, as lovely as ever, aren't you?" Wooyoung quipped, rolling his eyes theatrically. A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips as he leaned against the door frame with a nonchalant air. His gaze, however, held an undeniable intensity. "Get ready, we've got places to be," he added, his tone light but laced with an underlying seriousness.

"Wait, what?" You spluttered, taken aback by his unexpected command. "Wooyoung, you can't just barge in here and..." He pushed past you slightly to enter your apartment, his confident demeanor not wavering in the slightest.

"Oh, but I can, and I just did," he replied, brushing past you with a smirk. His audacity left you momentarily speechless as you watched him stroll into your apartment as if he owned the place.

"Excuse me?" you managed to stutter out, turning around to face him. Wooyoung had already made himself comfortable on your couch, his long legs on your coffee table.

"Hey, don't look at me like that," he finally said, "I just thought it'd be nice to spend some time together." You were left speechless once again, your mind trying to process his words. Spend time together? You weren't sure if he was being serious or just messing with you. Wooyoung looked at you from head to toe, judging your old leggings and oversized hoodie, not to mention your messy hair. You had planned to stay in, enjoy some wine, and watch a cringe-worthy romance movie, but he had interrupted your plans. "Are you planning to get ready or are you intending to leave looking like that?" he asked, his voice ringing with a clear note of dislike for your current attire.

"Don’t you have like, you know… friends?" you blurted out, your voice barely masking the irritation that had been simmering within you. As the words escaped your lips, you could feel a rush of heat flooding your body. You were certain your ears were all red by now, the heat of your annoyance manifesting physically. "Actually, I was enjoying my solitude until you showed up." You snapped, your hands on your hips as you glared at him.

Wooyoung simply responded, "Well, you'll have to put that on hold, we have plans."

"Why in the world, among all the people I could possibly have plans with, would you think that I have any intention to spend my time with you?" You retorted, your voice thick with frustration and disbelief. The absurdity of the situation was growing by the minute and the disbelief in your voice reflected your incredulity.

Wooyoung simply shrugged his shoulders, his eyes twinkling with amusement at your evident irritation. A smirk played on his lips as he casually replied, "Because you owe me one." His nonchalant response left you momentarily speechless.

Your mind momentarily went back to the night two weeks ago. Your classes had ended late in the evening, and the rain was pouring heavily. You couldn't believe how, in the span of a few hours, a lovely summer day had transformed into a raging rainstorm. You were wearing light, summer-appropriate clothing, and, of course, you hadn't brought an umbrella. In fact, you didn't even own one. As you stood at the entrance of the university building, the rain came down in torrents, drenching everything in sight. The prospect of walking home in such weather was daunting, and you sighed in frustration, knowing you'd be soaked to the skin by the time you reached your apartment. Just then, you heard a familiar voice calling your name. Turning around, you saw Wooyoung, holding a large umbrella that provided a stark contrast to the stormy night. He approached you with a smirk, his usual playful glint in his eyes.

"Need a ride home?" he asked, raising his voice above the sound of the rain. You wanted to reject his offer, wanted to tell him to go away and leave you alone. But as he turned to leave, a teasing grin on his face, you found yourself chasing after him.

"Wait!" you called out, your voice barely heard over the sound of the rain. He stopped and turned back to look at you, an amused smile on his face. You hesitated for a moment before stepping under the umbrella, your body instinctively moving closer to his for warmth.

Wooyoung chuckled softly as you stepped under the umbrella, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "I knew you couldn't resist," he teased, holding the umbrella a little higher to shield both of you from the downpour.

You rolled your eyes, but couldn't suppress a smile. "You're lucky it's raining," you muttered, though your tone lacked any real annoyance. As you walked to his car, the rain continued to fall relentlessly, the streets quickly becoming rivers of water. Wooyoung's presence, however, provided a surprising comfort, the proximity of his body heat a welcome relief from the chill in the air. Once you reached the car, Wooyoung quickly unlocked it and held the umbrella for you as you climbed into the passenger seat. He folded the umbrella and slid into the driver's seat, shaking the water from his hair before starting the engine. The warmth of the car's interior enveloped you, and you sighed in contentment, grateful for the reprieve from the storm outside.

Wooyoung glanced at you as he pulled out of the parking lot. "You look like a drowned rat," he remarked with a grin, his tone lighthearted.

You shot him a mock glare. "Thanks for the compliment," you replied sarcastically, but the corners of your mouth twitched upwards.

The drive home was mostly quiet, save for the sound of rain pattering against the windows. When Wooyoung finally pulled up in front of your apartment building, you unbuckled your seatbelt and reached for the door handle.

"Thanks for the ride," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

As you stepped out of the car and into the rain, you heard Wooyoung call after you. "You owe me one now!" His voice was playful, but there was an underlying note of sincerity.

"Right, I owe you a favor," you muttered, your annoyance momentarily replaced by resignation. Despite your irritation, you couldn't deny that he was correct. "You could at least have the decency to call ahead."

Wooyoung laughed at that, a genuine, hearty laugh that echoed throughout your apartment. "Where's the fun in that, Y/N?" he retorted, his smile never faltering as he met your gaze.

You sighed, realizing that arguing with Wooyoung was akin to talking to a brick wall. "Fine," you said, throwing your hands up in surrender. "But if we're going out, I need to change. And you," you pointed at him, "need to get your feet off my coffee table."

Wooyoung chuckled but complied, swinging his legs off the table with a dramatic flourish. "Take your time, princess," he said, smirking at your annoyed expression. You rolled your eyes at his comment but nonetheless retreated to your bedroom to change into something more suitable for a night out.

Just as you were closing the door behind you, Wooyoung called after you, "And no leggings!" You groaned, but a small smile tugged at your lips despite yourself. As you moved towards the mirror, you took a moment to look at your reflection. Your hair was a mess from the day, and you knew it would take some time to style it into something presentable. You sighed, looking at the makeup products scattered across your dressing table. Getting ready for a party that you knew nothing about was indeed a challenge.

"How much time do I have?" you shouted from your bedroom.

Wooyoung glanced at his watch, a smirk playing on his lips. "Let's say twenty minutes. Can you manage that?" he called out, his voice filled with amusement.

"How the fuck am I supposed to get ready for a party in twenty minutes?" you shouted back, a hint of panic creeping into your voice.

"Well, I can make it fifteen just for you, princess," Wooyoung laughed, his amusement clear in his voice. Even though he couldn't see you, you rolled your eyes at his comment. The audacity of this man. Despite the irritation bubbling within you, you knew you had to hurry. You started rummaging through your wardrobe for a suitable outfit, cursing under your breath. Meanwhile, Wooyoung lounged comfortably on your couch, scrolling through his phone while occasionally glancing towards your bedroom door.

After what seemed like an eternity, you finally emerged from your bedroom. You had managed to throw together a decent outfit, and even though you had rushed your makeup, it didn't look half bad. Wooyoung looked up from his phone as you entered the room, his eyes raking over your figure. He let out a low whistle, a grin spreading across his face. "Not bad, Y/N. Didn't know you could clean up so well."

You rolled your eyes at his comment but couldn't help the blush that crept up your cheeks. "Whatever, Wooyoung. Let's just get this over with." With a chuckle, Wooyoung rose from the couch, offering you his arm. You looked at him, disbelief and irritation evident in your gaze. His casual demeanor and the playful smirk on his face only added to the absurdity of the situation. You found yourself stuck between wanting to laugh it off and wanting to kick him out. But, swallowing down the lump of frustration in your throat, you pushed his extended arm back. You then reached for the door handle yourself, pulling it open with more force than was necessary. Without a backward glance, you stepped out into the hallway, leaving a rather surprised Wooyoung behind in your apartment.

Wooyoung finally caught up with you, a surprised yet amused expression on his face. "Well, aren't we eager?" he said, chuckling at your obvious irritation. Despite your annoyance, you couldn't help but roll your eyes at him, a small smile playing on your lips. With a huff, you began to march towards the parking lot, your steps quick and purposeful with Wooyoung following close behind. The glimmer of satisfaction you felt when you heard him struggling to keep up with your pace was short-lived as he effortlessly caught up, a grin playing on his lips.

"Slow down, Y/N. It's not a race," he called out, his voice filled with amusement. You ignored him, continuing your steady pace towards his car. The parking lot was dimly lit, the only source of light being the faint glow from the streetlights. Wooyoung's car stood out against the mostly empty lot. You stopped abruptly in front of it, crossing your arms over your chest as you waited for him to unlock the doors. Wooyoung, still wearing that annoying smirk, took his time in reaching the driver's side. He pulled out his keys, twirling them around his finger in a show of nonchalance before finally pressing the unlock button. The car beeped in response, the headlights flashing briefly.

"Your chariot awaits, princess," Wooyoung said, his voice filled with laughter as he gestured for you to enter. Despite your annoyance, you couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at his behavior, shaking your head in disbelief as you got into the car. Wooyoung followed suit, sliding into the driver's seat. His smirk still in place, Wooyoung started the car, the engine purring to life.

"We have places to be!" you mocked him, the sound of your high heel echoing in the car as you tapped your foot impatiently. Wooyoung simply laughed, his eyes twinkling with mirth as he drove off into the night. As he drove, the soft glow from the dashboard illuminated his face, casting a warm light on his features. Your eyes drifted to his hands on the steering wheel, fingers deftly maneuvering the vehicle through the night. The veins on the back of his hands were prominent, adding a sense of raw masculinity that you found yourself inexplicably drawn to. Your gaze then moved up to his chiseled jawline, the faint stubble that lined it giving him a rugged charm. You watched as the muscles in his jaw clenched and unclenched, a subtle sign of his concentration on the road ahead. His eyes, though, were what captivated you the most. Looking at them through the rearview mirror, you noticed how they were intensely focused on the road, reflecting the faint glimmer of the streetlights. The seriousness on his face was a stark contrast to his usual playful demeanor. Despite yourself, you felt a pang of appreciation for this side of him. It was a silent moment of admiration that you allowed yourself. You quickly averted your gaze when he caught your reflection in the rearview mirror, a small smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Wooyoung couldn't resist asking, "Like what you see, princess?"

His comment snapped you out of your reverie. "Keep your eyes on the road, Wooyoung," you retorted, your cheeks heating up at his insinuation. His soft chuckle filled the car, but he didn't push it any further.

After a few minutes of a silent ride, you finally broke the silence. "Can you tell me now where we are going?" you asked, your voice filled with curiosity and a hint of annoyance. You could see him smirking from the corner of your eye, clearly finding amusement in your impatience.

Wooyoung glanced at you, his smirk widening. "You'll see when we get there," he replied cryptically. His evasive answer only fueled your curiosity and irritation.

"Wooyoung, I swear if you're taking me to some shady place..." you threatened, but he simply laughed, cutting you off.

"Relax, Y/N. It's nothing like that," he reassured, his tone light but his gaze serious when he looked at you.

After a short ride, Wooyoung finally pulled up at your destination, you were even more confused than before.

"Whose house is this?" you asked, taking a glance around the unfamiliar neighborhood. Wooyoung let out a soft chuckle before unbuckling his seatbelt. He turned to look at you, his usual smirk replaced with a gentle smile.

"Do you remember Mingi?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper as he watched your reaction closely. "He shared a class with us last year. He's quite tall, with short-cropped blonde hair." He let the words hang in the air, watching as you tried to recall this Mingi he was referring to.

You blinked, trying to recall someone fitting the description Wooyoung gave. The name sounded vaguely familiar, but you struggled to place him among the many faces you encountered during your classes last year. "Um, Mingi?" you repeated uncertainly, furrowing your brows as you searched your memory. "I think I remember someone like that, but I didn't really know him well."

"Then it's high time you get to know him. It's his birthday party," Wooyoung stated with a broad smile as he stepped out of the car. He left you momentarily, walked around to open your door, and offered his hand.

You looked at his outstretched hand and then up at his expectant face. A sigh escaped your lips before you finally gave in, placing your hand in his. "Alright, let's get this over with," you muttered, allowing Wooyoung to lead the way.

As you entered the house, you were immediately hit with the loud music and chatter of what seemed like a hundred people. Wooyoung instinctively wrapped his arm around your waist, presumably to prevent you from getting lost in the crowd. However, you weren't in the mood for his overbearing actions, so you pushed him away with your elbow, giving him a stern look.

"I can handle myself, Wooyoung," you said, pulling away from him. His smirk remained unfazed as he raised his hands in a sign of surrender.

"As you wish, princess," he replied, his tone laced with amusement. You rolled your eyes at his nickname for you but didn't comment on it. The party was in full swing, with people dancing and chatting. The atmosphere was electric, the house filled with laughter and the sound of clinking glasses. Wooyoung guided you through the crowd, introducing you to a few people along the way. You greeted them politely, but your mind was elsewhere. "There's Mingi," Wooyoung pointed out, nodding towards a tall guy who was surrounded by a group of people. He had short blonde hair, just like Wooyoung described. When he saw you both, his face lit up and he excused himself from the group to come greet you.

"Wooyoung, Y/N, glad you guys could make it," Mingi greeted, his voice loud over the music. He had a warm smile, and his eyes were bright with excitement. You exchanged pleasantries with Mingi and wished him a happy birthday. Despite your initial reluctance, you found yourself gradually warming up to the atmosphere. "I'll get you guys some drinks." Before you could protest, he was already up and heading towards the makeshift bar at the far end of the room. This left you with Wooyoung and a bunch of Mingi's friends, all of whom seemed to know each other well. You took a deep breath and introduced yourself, trying your best to engage in the conversation. Despite your initial hesitation, they were all friendly and welcoming, which eased your mind slightly.

Before you knew it, Mingi returned with a tray of drinks. He handed you a glass filled with a brightly colored cocktail, the ice clinking against the glass. "Try this," he suggested, his eyes twinkling with excitement. You took a cautious sip, the taste of the alcohol strong but not unpleasant. The cocktail was fruity and sweet, the alcohol nicely masked by the flavors. It warmed your throat and seemed to seep into your veins, easing your tension and allowing you to relax slightly. You smiled and thanked Mingi, who returned the gesture with a broad grin.

As the night continued, you found yourself engrossed in conversation, drinking more colorful cocktails, laughing, and exchanging stories with Mingi and other of his friends. Mingi was particularly charming, his pleasant demeanor making it easy for you to feel at ease around him. Yet, occasionally, your gaze would shift to Wooyoung, and you couldn't help but notice how effortlessly he navigated through the conversation. His laughter, rich and contagious, echoed through the room, drawing people towards him like a magnet. The way he mingled and engaged with everyone, his energy infectious and his charisma undeniable, was truly a sight to behold. Whether it was his quick wit that left people laughing or his intriguing stories that captivated everyone's attention, Wooyoung was undeniably the life of the party. You found yourself watching him, your heart begrudgingly admitting the undeniable truth - Wooyoung was not only charming but also incredibly hard to resist.

At one point, Mingi turned to you with a genuine smile on his face, saying, "You know, I really wish I had gotten to know you better during our class. You're quite interesting." His compliment caught you off guard, but you managed to smile back, just as you were about to respond, you felt a sudden warmth around you. Startled, you turned to find Wooyoung, his arm comfortably resting on your waist. The unexpected contact surprised you, and you found yourself looking at him, an eyebrow raised in question. His eyes met yours, a playful smirk playing on his lips.

"What are you doing, Wooyoung?" you asked, trying to keep your voice casual despite the surprise coursing through you. Wooyoung simply shrugged, the smirk on his face not wavering in the slightest. He seemed to be enjoying your reaction, his eyes twinkling with an unspoken amusement. Deciding to ignore him, you turned back to the rest of the group, engaging in conversation about plans for the upcoming summer. Mingi eagerly shared his excitement about an upcoming trip, and you found yourself genuinely interested in hearing more. As you chatted, Wooyoung's grip around your waist tightened slightly, his body language conveying a subtle sense of protectiveness. Despite your initial irritation, you couldn't deny the warmth that spread through you at his touch. Mingi was still talking, his voice pleasant against the backdrop of the party music. Just as you were about to chime in with a comment, you felt Wooyoung lean in closer. His breath fanned across your ear as he whispered, "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"

His words hit you like a sudden gust of wind, leaving you momentarily speechless. You turned to look at him, your eyes wide with shock. Wooyoung simply looked back at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes. His bold statement left you feeling flustered. But despite your surprise, you couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corners of your lips.

"Wooyoung, are you drunk?" you asked, your voice laced with concern and a hint of annoyance. His behavior tonight had been erratic at best, and you couldn't quite put a finger on what was causing it. Was it the party, the alcohol, or something else entirely? You weren't sure, and it was beginning to frustrate you. Wooyoung simply chuckled at your question, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Not at all, Y/N," he replied, his voice steady and his gaze unwavering. "But you can't deny that you do look beautiful tonight." His words, though unexpected, were sincere and you found yourself blushing under his intense gaze. You stared at him, trying to gauge his sincerity. His usual playful demeanor was still there, but there was something different in his eyes tonight. A depth that you hadn't noticed before.

"Is this another one of your tricks?" you asked, though your tone was more playful than accusatory.

"No tricks, Y/N. Just the truth," Wooyoung said, his eyes meeting yours with a sincerity that took you by surprise. His confident demeanor and the intensity of his gaze left you speechless.

"You're acting weird," you muttered, feeling a mix of confusion and curiosity. "What's gotten into you?"

Wooyoung shrugged, the smile never leaving his face. "Maybe I'm just tired of pretending," he said cryptically, his eyes holding yours with an intensity that made your heart race.

"Pretending what?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. You weren't sure you wanted to hear the answer, but you couldn't stop yourself from asking.

"That I don't care," he replied simply, his gaze unwavering. "That I don't think about you all the damn time. That I don't want to be more than just your annoying neighbor."

"Oh, shut up, won't you?" you found yourself saying, a mix of emotions flooding through you. His words had caught you off guard, causing your heart to race. You could feel the heat rising in your cheeks, and you had to fight the urge to look away from his intense gaze.

In response, Wooyoung simply smirked. "Make me," he retorted, his voice low and taunting. He held your gaze, his eyes sparkling with an unreadable emotion. Then, slowly, his gaze drifted down from your eyes to your lips. For a moment, all you could do was stare back at him, your breath hitching as you realized what he was insinuating. The unexpected intensity of the moment left you breathless, your mind racing as you tried to process what was happening. His confession left you stunned. You had always thought Wooyoung's teasing was just part of his playful nature, never imagining that there might be something more behind it. The realization made your heart flutter and your mind race with questions.

"Wooyoung, I..." you started, but your words trailed off as you struggled to find the right thing to say. "I'm going to get myself a drink," you said, excusing yourself before Wooyoung could respond. You needed a moment to process everything he had just said. You quickly moved away, weaving through the crowd. As you navigated through the sea of people, you accidentally bumped into someone. As you prepared to apologize, you looked up. Your heart skipped a beat when you found yourself staring into familiar eyes – Yeosang's eyes. You caught your breath, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. It had been months since you last saw him.

From the moment you first saw Yeosang in your university class, something clicked inside you. He had an effortless grace about him, a quiet confidence that drew you in immediately. His smile was warm, his mannerisms gentle yet assured. You found yourself stealing glances at him during lectures, captivated by the way he listened intently, his eyes occasionally flickering up to meet yours. As the weeks passed, your admiration for Yeosang deepened. You began to look forward to seeing him, cherishing every opportunity to exchange a few words or share a laugh. However, your feelings remained unspoken. You didn't dare to confess your feelings to Yeosang, fearing that it might jeopardize the friendship you had cultivated or worse, make things awkward between you.

And then came Wooyoung, who joined one of your classes midway through the semester. He was charismatic, confident, and effortlessly charming. You didn't pay much attention to him beyond acknowledging his presence in class. But as weeks passed, you noticed a change in Yeosang. He seemed more distracted, often engaging in conversations with Wooyoung during breaks or after class. At first, you tried to brush it off but as weeks turned into months, it became increasingly clear that Yeosang was falling for Wooyoung. You watched from the sidelines as their friendship blossomed into something deeper, and it stung to realize that the person you liked was now enamored with someone else. You couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy whenever you saw them together. It was the way Yeosang's eyes lit up when Wooyoung walked into the room, the way he laughed a little harder at Wooyoung's jokes, the way he seemed to gravitate towards him. It was these little things that made you realize just how much Yeosang liked Wooyoung. And it's not like you could blame him. Wooyoung was outgoing, charismatic, and undeniably attractive. But for you, it was difficult to see past the fact that he was the one who had swept your crush off his feet. And so, your dislike for Wooyoung was born more out of a sense of hurt and jealousy than anything else. You couldn't help but see him as the one who had taken away your chance with Yeosang. To make matters worse, Wooyoung seemed oblivious to the impact his presence had on your dynamics with Yeosang. Once Wooyoung and Yeosang made their relationship official, your friendship with Yeosang dwindled to non-existence. You were left alone to deal with your heartbreak, the sting of rejection, and the loss of friendship compounding your sorrow.

The sight of Wooyoung and Yeosang together became a bitter pill to swallow, a cruel reminder of your unfulfilled feelings for Yeosang. You missed the comforting presence of Yeosang. But more than anything, you missed the hope, the hope of maybe being something more than just friends with him. After your first year, you decided to switch groups to avoid seeing the boys together, and since then you haven’t seen Yeosang at all.

But as much as you wanted to avoid Wooyoung as well, it was harder than you imagined since he was your neighbor. Living so close to him meant that you often crossed paths, whether in the apartment lobby, the parking lot, or the local grocery store. Despite your best efforts to keep your distance, Wooyoung always seemed to find a way back into your life, you couldn't seem to escape him.

"Y/N?" Yeosang asked, his eyes wide as he scanned your face. "I haven't seen you in forever!" With one swift motion, he pulled you into a hug, leaving you utterly surprised. ''What are you doing here?'' Your mind raced with a mix of emotions – surprise, nostalgia, and a tinge of unresolved feelings. His warm embrace felt both familiar and foreign after months of absence, stirring memories of the friendship you had once shared before Wooyoung came into the picture.

"I could ask you the same thing," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady, pulling away from the hug, your heart pounding at the close contact.

Yeosang's smile was warm and genuine as he offered, "Would you mind grabbing a drink with me?" he extended his arm towards you and despite all the confusion swirling in your mind, you found yourself unable to resist the offer.

"Yeah, sure!" you agreed, smiling weakly at him. "But I think you need to know that Wooyoung is here as well." A few months ago, a mutual friend informed you that Yeosang and Wooyoung had broken up that’s why you said the last part with hesitation, watching for Yeosang’s reaction, unsure how he might feel given their history.

He blinked in surprise at your words, his face going slightly pale. "Wooyoung is here?" he echoed, his voice barely above a whisper. You nodded, biting your lip nervously. Yeosang took a deep breath, his gaze dropping to the floor. After what felt like an eternity, he finally looked up at you, a small smile on his face. "It's okay, Y/N," he said, his voice steady. "We ended things on good terms. It won't be awkward, I promise." Despite his reassurances, you could see the flash of pain in his eyes, a hint of the heartbreak he must have gone through.

You felt a pang of sympathy for him but didn't know what to say. Instead, you gave him a small smile, "Let's get that drink," you suggested, offering him a comforting smile. He nodded, his smile returning as he led you towards the makeshift bar.

As you navigated through the crowd, your mind was a whirlwind of emotions. Seeing Yeosang again stirred up old feelings, and Wooyoung's confession left you in a state of shock. Wooyoung's sudden confession surprised you. The two of you hardly spent time together after your feelings of jealousy took over, leading you to switch classes in an attempt to distance yourself. You lived in the same building so you'd sometimes meet him in the lobby, the parking lot, or the grocery store, but that was all. Any talks you had were short and you were often annoyed with him. It was clear you didn't like being around Wooyoung.

As you reached the makeshift bar, Yeosang took two glasses in his hands. "What do you feel like drinking?" he asked, his gaze turning to the drinks lined up on the counter.

"To be honest, a strong cocktail would be nice." you amended, a playful smile tugging at your lips.

"Alright, one strong cocktail coming right up." He said, his voice filled with amusement as he began to mix your drink. You watched him work, feeling a mix of nostalgia and nervousness. It was surreal being here with him after everything that had happened. Yeosang prepared two cocktails, handing one to you with a warm smile. You took a sip, the fruity tang of the drink temporarily distracting you from your thoughts.

"So, how's life treating you?" Yeosang asked, his tone was casual, but there was a genuine interest in his eyes.

"Busy," you replied with a small smile. "Classes are demanding, but I'm managing. How about you? How's everything been?"

"Pretty much the same. Classes, projects, the usual. I've been keeping myself occupied." There was a comfortable silence as you both took a moment to enjoy your drinks. The strong cocktail did wonders to calm your nerves, and you found yourself relaxing into the familiar rhythm of conversation with Yeosang.

"You know," Yeosang began, his voice softer, "I really missed our talks. It's been too long."

You looked at him, surprised by the honesty in his words. "I missed them too," you admitted, feeling a pang of regret for the time lost. "When I first heard that you and Wooyoung had broken up, I was secretly hoping you would reach out," you confessed, your gaze meeting his. There was a moment of silence as your words hung in the air. Yeosang blinked in surprise, clearly taken aback by your confession. He opened his mouth to say something but seemed to struggle to find the right words. You watched as a range of emotions flitted across his face - surprise, confusion, and then, slowly, understanding.

"I...I had no idea," he finally replied, his voice barely above a whisper. His gaze dropped to his drink, his fingers absently tracing the rim of the glass. "I was so absorbed in my relationship with Wooyoung, that I didn't notice I was neglecting our friendship," Yeosang confessed, his voice barely a whisper. "I didn't see you the whole summer, and then I found out you switched classes. I should have reached out, I know. But I was too caught up in my own feelings. I'm sorry, Y/N," Yeosang said, looking up at you with a sincere expression, his eyes filled with regret.

You were taken aback by his sudden apology, your heart aching at the sincerity in his voice. "It's okay, Yeosang," you reassured him, reaching out to gently squeeze his hand. "We were both dealing with our own stuff. But I'm glad we're talking now."

He looked up at you, his gaze soft. "I missed you, Y/N," he admitted, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sorry I didn't reach out sooner." Yeosang smiled, and for a moment, it felt like old times. "I'm glad we ran into each other tonight," he said sincerely.

You returned his smile, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. "Me too, Sangie. Me too," you replied.

Little did you both know, a pair of eyes were watching your interaction from across the room.

As you continued to engage in conversation with Yeosang, you finally felt the alcohol hit. Your senses began to blur slightly, the room spinning a little. Yeosang's cheeks and ears had turned a shade of red, the alcohol clearly taking effect on him too. You couldn't help but admire his handsome face, his brown, styled hair adding to his charm. He looked like an angel under the soft glow of the lights, and you found yourself staring at him, losing focus on what he was saying. Your head was getting dizzy from the alcohol, and you found your body swaying slightly. Without thinking, you rested your head on Yeosang's shoulder, your arms linked as you continued talking. The warmth from his body was comforting, easing the spinning sensation in your head. As he spoke, you found yourself staring at his lips. They moved with each word, captivating you completely. You could see the faint stubble on his upper lip, the slight curve of his lower lip, the way they moved when he pronounced certain words. His voice was a soothing hum in your ears, the words gradually losing meaning as you got lost in your thoughts. You couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to close the distance, to taste the sweet alcohol on his lips. Your gaze flickered up to meet his, and for a moment, everything else seemed to fade into the background. Yeosang noticed the direction of your gaze and a faint blush colored his cheeks. He paused mid-sentence, his eyes meeting yours. His eyes held a softness that you hadn't seen in a long time, stirring a familiar warmth within you. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, the alcohol loosening the tight grip of restraint. Slowly, you leaned in closer, your eyes fluttering shut, the anticipation built up, a sweet tension hanging in the air. But just as your lips were about to meet, you were pulled up by your arm.

Startled, you opened your eyes to find Wooyoung standing beside you, his gaze burning into yours. "I think you've had enough to drink, Y/N," he said, his voice stern. His grip on your arm was firm yet gentle, pulling you away from Yeosang and towards him.

"What the hell, Wooyoung?" you slurred, struggling to maintain your balance. His sudden intrusion left you disoriented, your head spinning from the abrupt movement. His eyes held a strange intensity, an emotion you couldn't quite decipher.

Yeosang looked at the two of you, his expression mixed with confusion and a hint of disappointment. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but seemed to think better of it. Wooyoung couldn't help but gaze at Yeosang as well. His eyes held a strange mix of emotions that were hard to decipher. He watched as Yeosang looked back at him, a hint of confusion and disappointment in his gaze. This interaction was one Wooyoung had not anticipated, but he couldn't deny the protective instinct that had surged within him.

Wooyoung’s voice softened as he turned to Yeosang, "Are you alright?" he asked with concern. Yeosang simply nodded, his eyes still locked on Wooyoung and you, a lingering sadness evident in his gaze. Wooyoung tightened his hold around you, his voice barely above a whisper as he scolded Yeosang gently, "You shouldn't drink so much, you know you can't handle your alcohol well."

Yeosang ran a hand through his hair, a nervous gesture that you recognized instantly. "Yeah, I know" he replied, his voice low and slightly shaky, "But I don't think it's your place to remind me, Wooyoung." His words carried a hint of bitterness that you hadn't heard from him before. Wooyoung flinched slightly, clear surprise flashing across his face. He nodded, falling silent as he tightened his hold on you once more.

"Can't I worry about you anymore?" Wooyoung asked, his voice clearly annoyed with the way this conversation was going.

Yeosang looked away, his expression hard to read. "You stopped having that right when we broke up, Wooyoung," he replied, his voice steady but filled with unspoken emotions. Wooyoung was taken aback, his grip on your arm loosening slightly.

His words carried a sting that caused Wooyoung to recoil slightly. "So, I loved you once and now I have to pretend we are strangers?" Wooyoung retorted, his voice tight with frustration. The tension between them was palpable, a stark reminder of the complex web of emotions and history that tied them together.

"No, Wooyoung. We're not strangers, but we're not lovers either. We're just two people who used to know each other very well," Yeosang replied, his voice tinged with a hint of sadness. His gaze was steady, his words cutting through the tension like a knife. Wooyoung fell silent, his grip on your arm slackening as he digested Yeosang's words. "I better get going," Yeosang said, getting up from the couch. He tripped on his feet, momentarily losing his balance. He quickly steadied himself, giving you and Wooyoung one last glance before disappearing into the crowd.

After a while of uncomfortable silence, Wooyoung asked you, "Are you alright?" his voice filled with concern.

You turned to him, a small smile tugging at your lips. "I should be asking you this question," you replied, your gaze meeting his.

Wooyoung seemed taken aback by your response, but he quickly regained his composure. "I'm fine Y/N," he said, avoiding your gaze. "But are you?"

"I'm okay," you managed to say, the words coming out as a slur. You swayed slightly, your vision blurring as you tried to focus on Wooyoung's face. He sighed, his grip tightening around your waist.

"Let's get you some water," he suggested, his voice steady despite the concern on his face. He began to lead you away from the crowd, his hold on you firm yet gentle. You didn't protest, too dazed to argue.

Wooyoung led you outside, the cool night air hitting your face. It was a welcome relief from the heat of the party, the sounds of music and chatter fading into the background. He guided you to a nearby bench, helping you sit down before he sat beside you. You leaned back, closing your eyes as you tried to clear your head. The world was spinning around you, the effects of the alcohol more potent than you had anticipated. A moment of silence passed, the only sound being the distant hum of the party and your own heartbeat pounding in your ears.

"You shouldn't have drunk so much," Wooyoung finally broke the silence, his tone soft. You opened your eyes, turning to look at him. He was staring at you, his gaze filled with concern.

"Well, you shouldn't have dragged me to this party," you retorted, your voice coming out stronger than you intended.

"You're right, I shouldn't have," he agreed, his tone suddenly angry. He reached for the water bottle he had brought with him, handing it to you. You took it gratefully, taking small sips as you tried to sober up.

"What was that supposed to mean?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper as you struggled to comprehend his sudden change in tone. There was a distinct edge to his voice that you had never heard before - a hint of anger, perhaps even frustration.

His words hung in the air, their implications slowly sinking in as you tried to make sense of the situation. "I mean, I pour my heart out, confessing my fucking feelings to you, and then you just disappear. And when I find you, you're kissing my ex?" Wooyoung ruffled his hair in frustration, his words laced with a potent mix of anger and hurt.

"I did not kiss your ex," you managed to slur out, pausing to take a gulp of water in an attempt to clear your head.

Wooyoung's sudden shout startled you, causing you to nearly choke on your drink. "Fuck! Is that really the only thing you caught from everything I just said?" He was clearly frustrated, he took you by your arms, making you face him to make sure you were paying attention. "I'm confessing to you here, for fuck's sake. Do you understand?"

"Confessing?" you echoed, your mind struggling to process his words. "Wait, are you saying..." you trailed off, the realization hitting you like a ton of bricks. "You...you like me?" His confession left you reeling, a mix of shock and disbelief coursing through you.

Wooyoung simply stared at you for a moment, as if he was trying to read your thoughts. "Yes, Y/N," he finally replied, his voice barely above a whisper. "I like you. I have for a while now." His words hung in the air, a confession that left you stunned "But here you are, chasing after my ex," Wooyoung's words had a bitter edge to them, his frustration evident in his voice. His confession was still ringing in your ears, adding to the surrealness of the situation. You stared at him, your mind racing to process his words. His confession was unexpected, but it started to make sense, explaining his unusual behavior throughout the night. Your heart pounded in your chest as you attempted to articulate a response. "It's funny," he said, a dry smile playing on his lips. "I always thought you hated me, and I could never figure out why." Wooyoung sighed, a soft chuckle escaping his lips despite the sadness clouding his eyes. "Now I know why," he admitted, his voice carrying a weight that was impossible to ignore. The words hung in the air, heavy with regret and understanding. His eyes held yours, a silent plea for understanding shimmering within their depths. "A fucking love triangle, for fuck's sake," Wooyoung chuckled, biting his lower lip in a mix of amusement and frustration. His heart pounded in his chest as the gravity of the situation sank in. Here he was, caught in a twisted love triangle with his ex and the girl he was falling for. The irony was not lost on him.

"Wooyoung, it's not what you think," you finally managed to say, your voice shaky. "I didn't mean to... I mean, I didn't plan on... with Yeosang... I was just... I don't know." You trailed off, your words failing to accurately convey the whirlwind of emotions within you. "I'm sorry, Wooyoung," you added, your voice barely above a whisper. The apology hung heavy in the air, a sincere admittance of your conflicted feelings. This was not how you imagined the night unfolding. The realization that you had been blind to his feelings all this time left you feeling more disoriented than the alcohol ever could. "Wooyoung," you began, your voice trembling slightly. "I didn't know. I swear I didn't know." The look in his eyes softened a fraction, but the hurt was still there, raw and unfiltered.

He let out a heavy sigh, releasing his grip on your arms and stepping back. "How could you have known?" he muttered, more to himself than to you. "I never had the guts to tell you until now. And when I finally do, it's at the worst possible moment." His words were filled with a raw honesty that took you by surprise, leaving you speechless. There was a heavy silence as you both sat there, his confession still lingering in the air. The cool night breeze rustled through the trees, the only sound in the otherwise quiet night. You looked at Wooyoung, his profile illuminated by the soft glow of the nearby streetlights. His eyes were downcast, a stark contrast to his usual lively demeanor. "Let's get us home," Wooyoung finally said, breaking the silence. He reached out, gently taking your hand in his. The contact was unexpected, but it felt comforting He guided you up from the bench, his hand securely wrapped around yours. The world swayed slightly as you stood, the alcohol still coursing through your veins.

"What about the car?" you suddenly asked, remembering you had driven to the party.

"Mingi's going to drive it back tomorrow," after he said that, you walked in silence, the quiet night air a stark contrast to the loud music and chatter you left behind. The soft glow of the streetlights guided your path, casting long shadows on the empty sidewalk. The only sounds were the distant hum of the city and the soft rustle of leaves under your feet. Wooyoung's grip on your hand was firm yet gentle, a silent reassurance that he was there for you.

"Wooyoung, my feet hurt," you finally voiced out, glancing down at your feet which were now visibly swollen from the uncomfortable heels you had been wearing all night. A pained expression crossed your face as you tried to flex your aching feet.

"Your feet hurt?" Wooyoung stopped in his tracks, his gaze dropping to the heels you had been wearing all night. He could see the discomfort on your face and he felt a pang of sympathy.

"Mhm," you whispered softly, your pout deepening. Wooyoung stopped, looking down at your feet in the high heels that had been giving you trouble all evening. His eyes softened upon seeing your discomfort.

"Alright, take them off, princess," Wooyoung said, his voice gentle yet firm. He let go of your hand and crouched down, reaching for the straps of your heels. You watched in surprise as he helped you out of the torturous shoes. His actions were so unexpected, yet they felt so natural, causing a smile to tug at your lips. The nickname he had just used hung in the air between you, igniting a familiar warmth in your chest. You felt a small chuckle escape your lips, the tension from earlier starting to dissipate a bit. This was a side of Wooyoung you hadn't seen before, a softer, caring side that warmed your heart.

Once he had helped you out of your shoes, Wooyoung started to untie his own shoes, "What are you doing?" you chuckled, watching as he removed his own shoes. He looked up at you with a grin, his eyes sparkling in the dim lighting.

"I'm giving you my shoes so you don't have to walk barefoot," he simply replied, handing you his shoes with a gentle smile. You took them from him, a soft laugh escaping your lips at his unexpected gesture.

"Seriously?" you asked, your voice filled with amusement. Wooyoung simply shrugged, a playful grin on his lips. You hesitated for a moment before slipping your feet into his shoes. They were slightly big for you, but significantly more comfortable than your heels.

With a satisfied nod, Wooyoung stood up and offered his arm. "Shall we continue?" he asked, his tone light. You nodded, taking his arm as you both continued walking.

The rest of the walk home was quiet, punctuated only by the occasional sound of passing cars and the soft rustling of leaves under your feet. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, you found comfort in Wooyoung's steady presence beside you. His silence was not oppressive, rather it was comforting, allowing you the space to process the night's events. Your senses gradually began to clear as you walked, the cool night breeze helping to dissipate the effects of the alcohol. The world slowly stopped spinning, and your thoughts were no longer a jumbled mess. The reality of the night's events began to sink in, causing a pang of regret to shoot through your heart. You took a deep breath, resolving to deal with the consequences of your actions once you were completely sober. For now, you were just grateful for Wooyoung's silent support and the comforting familiarity of the route back home.

You barely noticed when you reached your apartment complex, the towering building standing tall against the night sky. Wooyoung guided you to your door, his hand still securely wrapped around yours.

"Thank you, Wooyoung," you said softly, your heart pounding as you turned to face him. His gaze met yours, his eyes holding a gentleness that made your heart flutter. His silence was comforting, a stark contrast to the chaos of your thoughts.

"You're welcome, Y/N," Wooyoung replied, his voice soft. His gaze lingered on your face, drinking in your features. He squeezed your hand gently, offering you a small smile.

"I...I need to go," he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. You nodded, releasing his hand. He turned to leave, his figure slowly disappearing. You watched him go, a mix of emotions washing over you. You sighed, turning to unlock your door. Once inside, you kicked off Wooyoung's shoes and collapsed onto your bed. The events of the night replayed in your mind, each detail more confusing than the last. You closed your eyes, the image of Wooyoung's hurt expression etched into your memory. A wave of guilt washed over you. Wooyoung's confession had been unexpected, but your reaction had been even more so. You pulled your blanket over your head, the guilt gnawing at your conscience. You took a deep breath, forcing your mind to clear. You needed to sort out your feelings, to figure out what you truly wanted. You decided to take a shower. The warm water cascading down your body provided a momentary relief, but it didn't really help to calm your thoughts. You kept thinking about Wooyoung, his confession kept echoing in your mind. Yeosang, who had been at the forefront of your mind earlier, now seemed like a distant memory. Each time you closed your eyes, you saw Wooyoung's face, his gaze filled with a mix of hurt and hope, his words echoing in your mind. You mindlessly brushed your teeth and changed into a pair of comfortable shorts and a T-shirt. Getting into bed, you couldn't fall asleep. You were feeling too many things, each stronger than the last. You moved around in bed, with the quiet night making your thoughts louder. Suddenly, you felt a strong need to act. You couldn't stand your confusing thoughts anymore, so you decided to face them. You jumped from the bed and ran to your apartment door, your heart beating fast. Forgetting to lock the door, you quickly climbed the stairs to the next floor, your heart beating loudly. You stopped at Wooyoung's door, worried he might be asleep and your late visit would be pointless. But you decided to go ahead. You took a deep breath to calm down and knocked on Wooyoung's door.

After a few moments, the door creaked open. Wooyoung stood there, looking surprised to see you. "Y/N? What are you doing here at this hour?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

His surprised expression made your heart race even more, "Can I come in?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

Wooyoung blinked in surprise before stepping aside to let you in. "Of course, come in." He led you to his living room, the space dimly lit by a single standing lamp. You walked in, your heart pounding in your chest. Wooyoung closed the door behind you and turned to face you, his expression one of concern. "Is everything alright, Y/N?"

But instead of answering, you slowly reached out, placing your hand on his. He looked at you, surprise flickering across his eyes. "Wooyoung...," you started, unsure of what to say. You squeezed his hand gently, ''Kiss me," you whispered, your voice barely audible. Wooyoung's eyes widened at your words, a mix of surprise and disbelief flashing across his face. For a moment, he simply stared at you, as if trying to determine if he had heard you correctly. "I just need to check something, so kiss me, please?" you pleaded, your voice barely above a whisper. The request hung heavy in the air, a question that held the potential to change everything. Wooyoung's eyes widened in shock, and he searched your face for any hint of hesitation or insincerity. His gaze softened as he saw the earnest plea in your eyes. "I brushed my teeth," you told him, a small smile playing on your lips. This caused him to chuckle, his laugh broke the tension, a small ray of light in an otherwise heavy situation.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that," Wooyoung responded, a playful smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Wouldn't want to kiss a mouth full of party snacks and alcohol, now would we?" At that, your smile widened a bit, the humor in his comment easing some of your nervousness. Then, slowly, he leaned in, his eyes locked on yours. His gaze was intense, filled with a mix of emotions that set your heart racing. It was as if he was silently pleading for you to understand, to accept his feelings. In that moment, you felt a connection, a spark that sent a shiver down your spine.

"Are you going to just keep looking at me like that, or are you actually going to kiss me?" you teased, an amused quirk of his lips was his initial response, the corners of his mouth curling into a small, but warm, smile. Your playful tone seemed to have done the trick, Wooyoung’s gaze softened, his gaze flickering momentarily to your lips before returning to meet your eyes. The playful challenge in your words hung in the air, a silent invitation awaiting his response. For a moment, all you could hear was your own heart pounding in anticipation. You found yourself holding your breath, eagerly waiting for his next move. "What are you afraid of?" you whispered, his eyes reflecting a hint of surprise at your question.

"Afraid?" he echoed, a playful spark in his eyes as he leaned in closer. "Not even a bit." Without another word, he closed the distance between you, his lips meeting yours in a soft, gentle kiss. The world seemed to pause as his lips met yours, the soft pressure sending a jolt of surprise through you. It was a gentle kiss, yet filled with a raw intensity that took your breath away. His lips moved against yours in a slow, deliberate rhythm, the intoxicating taste of him making your head spin even more. His hand found its way to the back of your neck, pulling you closer, and deepening the kiss. You responded instinctively, your hands tangling in his hair as you kissed him back. The world around you seemed to fade into insignificance, the only thing that mattered was the feel of his lips against yours, the warmth of his body against yours. It was a while before you both pulled away, the need for air becoming too great. You looked at him, his eyes were bright, his cheeks flushed. His lips were slightly swollen from the kiss and for a moment, you wondered if yours looked the same.

"Well..." he started, his voice slightly hoarse. "Did you...check what you needed to check?" His words were light, but his eyes held a seriousness that suggested he was waiting for your answer with bated breath.

You nodded, your mind still reeling from the kiss. "Yeah..." you said, your voice barely a whisper. "I did." You weren't quite sure what you had expected to feel but whatever it was, it felt right. His confession, his kiss, it was unexpected, but it felt...right. Your heart raced as you looked into Wooyoung's eyes, feeling the warmth of his hand still on the back of your neck. You took a moment to gather your thoughts, still reeling from the intensity of the kiss. Slowly, a smile spread across your face, mirroring his own playful demeanor. "I think I got my answer," you replied softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "But just to be sure..." You leaned in again, closing the distance between you, capturing his lips with yours in another kiss. This time, the kiss was deeper, more passionate, as if confirming what both of you had been silently longing for. His response was immediate, his lips moving with a renewed fervor against yours. The gentle pressure, the taste of him, the way his fingers lightly traced your jawline sent shivers down your spine. When you finally pulled away, both of you were breathless, staring into each other's eyes with a mixture of disbelief and desire.

Wooyoung chuckled softly, his forehead resting on yours, as he brushed a strand of hair away from your face. "So, did that clear things up for you?" he asked, his voice husky with emotion.

You nodded, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "Yeah," you murmured, "It definitely did."

"Good," he said, his eyes lighting up at your smile. "Because I...I really like you, Y/N," he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. "And I hope that...maybe...you might feel the same way."

Your heart fluttered at his words, a warmth spreading through you. You looked at him, your eyes meeting his in a silent understanding. "I...I think I might," you admitted, your voice barely a whisper.

His eyes widened in surprise, a hopeful smile spreading across his face. "Really?" he asked, his voice filled with a mixture of surprise and hope.

You nodded, a small smile playing on your lips. "Really," you confirmed, your heart pounding in your chest. His smile widened, his eyes lighting up with a joy that made your heart flutter. You felt a warmth spread through you, a sense of rightness that you hadn't felt in a long time. You felt a surge of embarrassment rush through you as Wooyoung’s gaze continued to rake over your attire. A flush crept up your neck and you instinctively brought a hand up to hide your reddening face. Wooyoung let out a hearty laugh at your reaction, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "Go away, Wooyoung," you muttered from behind your hand, your voice muffled yet audibly flustered.

Wooyoung, however, seemed to find your blush endearing. He raised an eyebrow at your retort, a smirk playing on his lips. "Go away? Where am I supposed to go, princess?" he replied, his tone teasing. His words only served to deepen your blush, but you couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped your lips at his ridiculousness. Without a word, you pushed him playfully, trying to hide the smile that tugged at your lips. Wooyoung only laughed, his eyes twinkling as he caught your hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

You rolled your eyes, yet the warmth in your chest didn’t dissipate. "You're insufferable, Wooyoung," you said, but your fond tone contradicted your words.

He simply grinned in response, his eyes softening as he looked at you. "And you wouldn't have it any other way," he retorted, his voice full of affection.

"Maybe I wouldn't," you admitted, a soft smile on your lips.

[vvh0adie]

watching my friends leave tumblr is really sad

you literally can't win

at this point the writer's strike should just be a cultural movement

like ppl are writing for FREE and you're complaining about turn out rate and shit

we have lives and some of us (HELL ALL OF US) have some form of mental illness, so we can't be fucking cogs all day and churn out fics.

writing is suppose to be therapeutic and writers want to share that with you to ease the tension of this hellscape we live in

but some of these readers and even fellow writers are taking it too far with the bullying

like its mean and nasty. you don't know what someone is going thru.

instead of asking for updates how about check and see if your writer is mentally stable to do so. that right there is a booster, to have someone say "are you okay?"

and then the whole accusations of favoring a certain member/character. if that person is my muse or safe space then of course imma write for them. most solo writers i see don't even talk bad about other people. its a SOLO account. think of it as a shrine blog of writing if that helps. they're not there to trash, just share their writing for other's who might also share the same muse.

then you have readers who can't separate fiction from reality. just because someone writes a character with irl people faceclaimed onto them doesnt mean they actually think that person would be or do those things irl. i'll be the first to say that i only gave my characters bts faces cuz thats who im attracted to and they're who i imagine would be casted to play my characters.

then IN THE YEAR OF 2023 we still have ppl making fun of their peers writing and also THE FACT THAT ENGLISH MIGHT NOT BE THEIR FIRST LANGUAGE? that's nasty asf. majority of us dont even speak 'proper' english as our first language no way. you only shooting yourself in the foot. don't act like you dont have beta readers... like what are yall on?

and anybody who gets on THAT BLOG behind anon is an opp. not just to the writing community but in how you interact with the world all together. yall don't know how to talk to people anymore? it may have started as a place for critique and accountability but no one is bringing receipts or critical thinking anymore. its mainly for drama and not rehabilitation. yall serious scare me in how we'd see the reality of social change applied to the real world. like i'd be more scared to let yall around the prisoners with minor offenses cuz yall act like its the end of the world and that change cant happen. yall give nobody room to change ignorant stances but ignore the real egregious shit because you honestly dont have the bandwidth to take on actual fascist views.

also the plagiarism has got to stop too. if you need writing resources just ask. but practice makes perfect. so you're gonna have to write yourself. you may not like your writers voice but you will feel shitty in the long run when you don't feel like its you putting those words on the paper. it literally just prolongs your inferiority. make something you're proud of and don't hurt your fellow writers. we went thru the process just like you. we earned it. and most of us aren't gatekeepers, we will help you.

like its really tuff being on here sometimes. cuz if you not being hounded by readers its your own community praying on your down fall.

we have to do better.

[kuruk]

Genuinely I don't mind much when bl novels have horrible relationships that shouldn't happen in real life (only to an extent) because within those stories those men are equals even when they aren't, and I know people who write wuxia xianxia and xuanhuan often want to create a very dramatic and harsh world with a lot of tensity and friction between their characters, and they want to play with very exaggerated characters and relationships, and situations with high stakes, and write characters who are morally and psychologically messed up in a setting where that's expected. And because the setting is like this I can understand wanting to go into such things when the setting is like this endless killing immortals type of world but it's impossible to write straight romance that isn't stomach churning when you pair these unhinged men in need of therapy together with women and try to write out that man's progression and road to seeking forgiveness, if he even has that sort of development planned at all to begin with. I get wanting to play with a crazy mess of a character, but it's way too upsetting to put in something that's meant to be a romance because it mirrors reality too well when these characters will never be equal even if it's written to be so. It's just impossible to separate that from the context of real life no matter how much you intend to, and they honestly usually don't even intend to. When two men clash in a novel and at least one of them nearly kills the other and everyone's manipulating and killing endlessly it's like whatever it's a dramatic genre... but I really can't look at it the same way when it's straight romance yuore just making me sick to my stomach.. If you're so interested in that type of dramatic crazy intense relationship in fiction it's fine as long as it's not straight, not in a "men shiuld be abused" way I'm not even kidding here it's literally way different it's just easy to make it actually appear to be fantasy when not under the constraints of the context ingrained in our minds through a million years of misogyny gender roles and the violence with it 😑 like you can't separate that and I think that man should be sentenced to death and killed endlessly

[pro-sipper]

What do proshippers generally believe about shipping real people? Stuff like creator x creator or celebrity x reader?

That it falls under the umbrella of "you should be allowed to write anything you want". Once again, it's not my personal thing. There's no real life pairing I read for, and the whole "blank x reader" is not appealing to me at all.

But I have no problem with people writing that stuff, or knowing it's out there. I saw someone a while back say that it's basically just writing about another character, and I agree with that. No matter how much a creator posts or how open a celebrity seems with their personal life, we're still only seeing a tiny snippet of their lives. We have no clue who they are when the cameras aren't recording because we just don't know them. And whatever someone chooses to write about is mostly stemming from that particular persona that they happen to put on for the world and that's it. It's completely separate from our reality because they're basically just writing about another made up character

The problem I have, and it's what I imagine most proshippers also take issue with, is when people start blurring the lines between fiction and reality. To me, there's a world of difference between posting something on ao3, and speculating on secret relationships in the comments of someone's youtube video. Or between talking about something on tumblr, and tagging the person directly on twitter.

I just don't understand people who condemn rpf and talk about how gross and invasive it is, but think it's funny to tag celebrities on twitter to bring up (what they think is) cringe-worthy fanfic tropes that people have written them into. Or people who print out fanworks to shove into an actor's face at a meet and greet and ask them what they think about it. That's where the lines get crossed, to me.

I think ao3 and tumblr still have an air of mysticism to them. A little secrecy, a little privacy. In the sense that someone in the public eye would have to put in a little work to find this stuff for themselves. They'd have to go to the site and search themselves up to find anything. As opposed to just about anyone in the world being able to force this content in their line of sight with a simple @ on a site like twitter.

So to me the problem isn't that this content exists. The problem is when people don't know how to keep fandom stuff private. Write all the rpf you want but remember at the end of the day these are real people, not your blorbos. You don't know them. It's inappropriate to say these things to them personally (which yes, also includes tagging them on twitter or in the comments of their videos). But it's also inappropriate to run up to them with other people's content just to say "look what these FREAKS wrote about you!!" And I think people either forget or just genuinely don't care about the latter.

[comp-lady]

[FIC] An Empire From The Ashes Of Old, Chapter 36

Fandom: Ghost

Pairing: Copiiia, poly ghouls, the Papas and the ghouls

Characters: Copia, Terzo, The nameless ghouls, various OCs

Notes: Copia is NOT related to Terzo in this. If you have a problem with that ship take it to someone who cares, because I don’t. Your lack of imagination is not my problem.

Summary:

The Emeritus brothers are dead, and Cardinal Copia has been installed as the new front man of Ghost.The Lights, the fans screaming and singing along, the way the tension between himself and ghouls seems to melt away. Every night it’s like he’s stepping from one world to another. One where he is a better version of himself. Confident, likeable, maybe even a little bit sexy. When on stage there is some part of Copia, buried deep and long ignored, that finally feels at home. Like he is no longer alone.But eventually the ritual ends. Final bows are done and he must leave the stage. Re-enter reality. Where nothing is simple and those in power have their own plans for the Ghost Project. To whom Copia is little more than a pawn, to be moved across the board as they see fit. He can be the puppet, or he can take the more difficult path and become the Papa he was meant to be

Read it here on AO3

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So here's the deal, a bunch of you toxic motherfuckers need to sort your shit out.

I've noticed that there's been an increase of you shit weasels who can't curate your space being hateful wastes of meat since the movie came out. If you have a problem with Terco/Copia or Secondo/Copia then that is YOUR problem. Cope. Stop bringing it to us that do ship them. We don't care. We do not owe you an explanation, we do not owe it to you to stop shipping them, we do not owe you hypocritical shitheads JACK SHIT.

If you cannot curate your own spaces online then you need to move back in with Mommy and Daddy and have them put parental controls on your devices. Especially if you aren't mature enough to just block and move on. I know for a fact some of you morons stalk the tags. I know for a fact some of you morons still ship them but do so in silence. Because the company you keep is so toxic you cannot even be honest about your ships.

That's just pathetic.

We can write AUs where the ghouls murder Siblings of Sin freely and easily. We can write fics where the Papas sacrifice people. Where the ministry is toxic and cruel. But an au where two characters aren't related? Because y'all are too stuck on what is considered "canon"? Seems like y'all cannot separate reality from fiction and you need to step back until you're fucking smart enough to realize that these characters are all FAKE.

On top of that... many of us that ship the Papas DON'T WRITE INCEST. Majroity of the time, majority of the fics, we do not write them as related. There is no incest in the picture. YOU PEOPLE are the ones coming at us screaming about incest.

Grow the fuck up and stop projecting y'all's weird obsession with incest onto us.

I hope y'all stumble on untagged scat

[comicaurora]

I mean, you've said before that the greek gods were more reflections of what was true then what was good. Life was cruel, unfair, and horrible, so the gods were too. People probably didn't like poseidon very much, but they probably didn't like floods or earthquakes or serial r*pists that much either. I kind of assumed it was very much a 'reverence via fear' thing.

It's a reasonable assumption, but it's important to recognize that it is an assumption.

Most of us do not live lives with many gods in them, and the cultural permeation of christianity has produced a sense of theological normalcy where gods are typically found in the Singular or in the One With A Lot Of Saintlike Sidekicks arrangement. This presumes a nature of divinity that is both benevolent and very divorced from the practicalities of day-to-day life and which typically only acts in the form of rare and irreproducible "miracles". The tropes of godhood we recognize are sunbeams in churches, eyes pointed heavenward, faith and belief over skepticism. Even in fictional stories that are totally separate from reality or are evoking elements from wildly different religions, these tropes still recur because they have been culturally normalized to the point of near-invisibility.

Like, for example, Young Hercules kneeling in a huge, empty, cavernous temple to pray to a Zeus he isn't sure is listening.

Like all forms of normalcy, we're very impressed the first time someone breaks it for us. "What if these gods DIDN'T work like that?" seems groundbreaking because we don't realize we've acclimated to an outlier. There are many, MANY other ways a culture can see its gods, and there are many reasons to be skeptical of any interpretation of that angle that highlights "their gods are cruel and mercurial because so were their lives." It flattens not only the religion but the lives of the people who practiced it into a Planet Of The Hats trope that just happens to be excitingly different from the one we think is normal. It also buys into the whole "historical life was all nasty, brutish and short" myth which is always something to watch out for in the subtext zone.

Even in the context of Ancient Greece, the gods are characterised wildly differently by different writers. Even just Artemis has been a helpless victim to be rescued by her brother, a cruel and unforgiving mistress to her followers, an arrogant young girl violently put in her place by her queen, the mistress of the muses and foremost of the goddesses, a protector of young women, a killer of young women, an untouchably expert hunter, and a hundred other things. To say "hunting is a risky business and that's why Artemis is Like That" is to diminish her and reduce what could be centuries of fascinating cultural and personal context down to the literary equivalent of "damn that shit's pretty wack, so anyway."

The fact is we will never know for sure why these gods were characterized and worshiped the way that they were, because these religions died out centuries ago. We can make educated guesses, but when we aren't certain, we shouldn't act like we're certain. This is an angle of context I like, but one of the most risky parts of tumblr-brand academia (and now its sequel, tiktok academia) is that confident, quick assertions lodge in the audience's head like facts, and this is not a space where facts live anymore.

[damnfandomproblems]

"Ok but the ask you’re responding to is specifically saying that there’s a difference between depiction or endorsement and endorsement is a problem that many self-identified proship people are just refusing to acknowledge because it’s more convenient to argue every anti is against any bad thing being depicted ever. "

Here is the definition of endorsement: an act of giving one's public approval or support to someone or something

Here is the definition of depiction: to show or represent by a drawing, painting, or other art form

Please take notice of how the definition of depiction does not mention realism and how the definition of endorsement is specified as an act of giving public support/approval. If someone writes/draws something themed around abuse but portrays it wildly inaccurate, but they do not specifically say, "Hey yeah, I support this thing IRL," it is not an endorsement of that thing. It is just a depiction, however inaccurate, however inappropriately inaccurate

"You do get that pretty much all stories that depict murder, terrorism, torture etc. don’t portray it positively, right. Heck, terrorism is something people famously define by whether it’s justified or not, and there’s a fair few common terrorist tactics most will agree cannot be justified at all like bombing civilians and the like regardless of your cause (not the least because because they aren’t even going to further said cause). If a story said that someone was objectively in the right for doing a 9/11 analogue I doubt most “antis” would be cool with that."

Maybe it's because I don't engage with children's media, but most stories I read or watch flip-flop between portraying all those topics either accurately or inaccurately, and either positively or negatively. Children's media portray things as is because children's brains aren't fully developed and they need to be taught right from wrong, truth from lie, and reality from fiction. Once your brain is developed enough to separate the difference, bad things can be portrayed as good and good as bad because a strong moral framework that won't waver on just stories alone should have already been developed

Saw movies are just gore porn, same with slashers and most horror in general. You root for the villain because you watch those movies special for the brutal unexcusable violence, violence portrayed purely for entertainment and thus can absolutely be considered "romanticize" if not just straight up sexualized. John Wick, you root for him to kill all these people because one person hurt him, you root for him to take countless humans lives over the grief and pain of a singular animal life. You root for the glorified romanticized violence, cheer for it, in fact.

Also, with the attitude towards America today, I can already bet there are people already out their claiming that 9/11 was deserved, and those kind of people exist everyone, and that includes within anti groups. This argument is just a straw man fallacy. Also, more so than anything, if someone was to write a story from the perspective of someone who believes the attack was deserved, I can guarantee that it would most likely be, with 99% certainty, be aimed at adults. Adults, that I remind you, should be developed enough to understand that this is a story with an unreliable narrator, and that just because they the character glamorize the tragedy doesn't mean that they the person should too. Most proshippers and antis and everyone else not sucked into that toxic waste pit of shipping/censorship discourse would be able to accept that, and even if they think it's distasteful, understand at the end of the day it's just a story that trys to take into the mind of someone horrid to try and make sense of their horridness

"Also there’s a key factor you’re ignoring here. There are circumstances where it is justifiable to kill someone. Most concede at least self defense cases."

Definition of murder: the unlawful premeditated killing of one human being by another.

Definition of manslaughter: the crime of killing a human being without malice aforethought, or otherwise in circumstances not amounting to murder.

In most places, killing self-defense isn't murder, it's manslaughter.

Murder very, very rarely is considered justifed by most people. Manslaughter, however, tends to be more debatabled. But even then, debatable is the key word. Their is no definited, absolutely line in the sand of accepted manslaughter and unacceptable manslaughter. People absolutely do argue about self-defense killings. Some believe it's just as bad as murder. Some feel it's a gray thing where the killer still needs some of consequence, some believe it's fully excuseable.

What you see in movies more often than not, though, is murder, not manslaughter. It is deliberate and/or done after the threat has been lifted. More often than not, from my experience, it's revenge killings, not self-defense.

This argument is just morality wank and the "key factory" of "justifiably" is completely subjective. It's a variable, not the control

"Like, another ask tried to use John Wick as a gotcha because it’s a “toxic love and bad actions portrayed positively” or smth because John Wick being motivated by into killing several gangsters who broke into his home, killed his dog, and are shown to murder people (including a priest who worked for them), by his love for his dog. And somehow that’s just as bad as someone being in an abusive relationship and that being seen as a good thing."

Are you talking about a real being in an abusive relationship and being told that's good, or about a fictional character in a fictional relationship experiencing fictional abuse portrayed inaccurately? I am assuming it's inaccurate fiction you're talking about, fiction, that once again would be aimed at adults, who can understand that this depiction is inaccurate. Just like how they can cheer on for John Wick and his romanticized violence in the context of a story and hate that same violence when acted out in real life, they can cheer on for a fictional inaccurate abusive relationship in the context of fiction and hate that same abuse when acted out in real life

Not only that, once again, whether abuse or murder is worse, be it in fiction or reality, is debatabled. Many can argue that romanticized and/or real murder is worse than abuse because murder is final wherest abuse can be healed from with time and effort

"Like, absurd as that comparison is on its own, it also relies on that killing being equivalent to any other form of killing regardless of context. And that’s silly because obviously there’s a difference between killing someone in self defense or as justified retaliation (again, the mobsters in this example are in fact murderers of people too) versus just murdering innocent people. "

The difference is subjective, "justiced retaliation" is extremely subjective, all of this argument is subjective

"You can’t say that with rape, incest, pedophilia etc. There’s not a circumstance where that can be justified. Every case is horrible and unjustified, there are not types you can rightly portray as a good thing or as morally acceptable."

Don't get me wrong, I agree that real life rape, incest, pedophilia is all wrong, but there are people who disagree. Justifiably is always subjective in the real world, and laws in many places reflect that justifiably, child marriage is still legal in many places, so incest, and so is rape. If I was to really push and play the devil's advocate and come up with a 1 in a trillion bullshit argument, how justifiable would rape be if their was a gun to your head, maybe even to your familes heada too, and you werw told to either assult this person or be murdered? I could easily agrue that rape in that situation is justifiable under the argument that preserving life is more important than preventing momentary trauma

"I never thought I’d have to explain this but here we are."

You didn't have to do anything. You felt like a little knight, a ray of light, the hero abmist the icky villains who just couldn't stand aside. We're here because of your egotistical sense of self-righteousness, not of genuine necessity. Don't conflate the two

Posting as a response to a previous ask.

[liesmyth]

Genuine question. If depicting characters in fiction asking for permission to shaboink breaks the flow, does it mean that when we boys do it irl it's weird and we should guess it/ask it beforehand? Or do we have to separate the two realities?

we absolutely should separate fictional smut from real life sex! in fictions you have characters. you're in their head and you know what the characters are into even if they don't verbalise it. we fuck around with dubcon and grey areas. irl there ars no gray areas. you either have your partner's explicit consent or there's no consent. always ask for permission unless you are not absolutely sure you have it. stuff that's a bit cringe in fiction doesn't have to be cringe irl. even IF it's cringe, sparing a moment to stop and check with your partner >>>>>>> the worst case scenario alternative of committing sexual assault or being forced into a situation you don't want

Please don't mistake me as an authority on this, I'm not a consent educator and it's also 3AM and I should've been asleep hours ago. In my personal highly subjective experience, you should be able to read your partner's moods and boundaries in the context of an established relationship or familiar hookup and act accordingly. If you aren't sure, ask. For example: many people don't ask for permission to kiss their partner or to touch them over their clothes, and don't ask for consent every time; depending on context (like being in public) the boundary could be somewhere else. Many people are okay with being woken up by initiating sex if you went to sleep together and you've done that before; many people are NOT fine with that. If you're afraid that asking is going to to ruin the mood 1) who cares and 2) discuss it beforehand if it's an option. This goes both ways btw!!! you should always feel free and comfortable to determine what YOU are alright with, even if you feel like you're letting down a partner by expressing a boundary. You don't have to eloquently discuss any of this, btw. Communication looks different for different people. You can literally sit in the same room text each other not looking at each other if the alternative is not communicating bc you're feeling too awkward to discuss it (which is also normal for many people)

again. absolutely double triple check anything a random tumblrina is telling you vs what your partner actually wants. Everyone is different and I cannot stress how deeply unqualified I am to talk about any of this beyond knowing what EYE am personally comfortable with! goodnight. sending hugs

[dingodad]

generally discussions about "what's canon / what's not canon" as if that actually means anything piss me offff like i think as a society we have allowed the idea of "alternate universes" "separate continuities" "different canons" to sour our conceptions of what serialised fiction can actually achieve. tbh at the end of the day everything that has been published about a given world or a given group of characters or whatever is part of "a canon" and the reader has full control over which parts they choose to read / not read or analyse / not analyse. but what pisses me aurf the MOST is when the idea of "canon" takes on a life of its own completely detached from anything material and you have anime fans arbitrarily deciding "oh this anime movie ""isnt canon"" because it doesn't appear in the manga" or people throwing around words like ""technically"" saying shit like "technicallyyyyy this tie-in comic book / game / novelisation isn't canon to the movie" when in reality there is no "technically" it's just a bunch of geeks jerking themselves off. anyway my point is that it hurts my feefees when people jerk off about which homestuck spinoffs are and aren't canon when basically all of them are pretty open about where they fit in continuity and i even did all my research and wrote it down on the wiki for all of you. it hurts my feefees when you don't read the work i do on the wiki. is that what you want to do. hurt my feefees

[03jyh23]

🚪⌇not like the previous ones┆kang yeosang

yeosang x gn!reader

│synopsis: the one where i love you scares the life out of you

│genre: hurt/comfort

│trigger warnings: anxiety, insecurity in relationships, feelings of guilt and regret, past trauma from previous relationships mentioned

│words: 3.3 k

│reminder: what you’re about to read is purely fiction, so let’s keep it separate from reality.

│the requested prompts are bold

!minors do not interact!

— hi there my lovely people! the time has finally come for my first yeosang fic~ when i saw the request sangie was the first member that came to my mind so i just went for it! thank you for requesting!

love, monika ♡

It was a late evening, and you were comfortably curled up against Yeosang, enjoying the warmth and closeness as you both settled in to watch a movie he had chosen. He had promised that next time, he would watch Titanic with you, knowing how much you loved it. However, for this evening, he was especially eager to watch the latest Marvel movie recently added to the streaming platforms. You could feel Yeosang's excitement radiating through as he explained why he was so looking forward to this film. His body was warm, and the sensation of feeling him so near provided you with a comfort you hadn’t felt in a long while. Yeosang and you had just recently started dating, and it was difficult for you to open up to someone new. Letting yourself go and releasing all the worries and wounds your earlier relationships had left you with was not easy. Yet, Yeosang was so gentle and patient with you that you couldn't help but start gravitating toward him. Your eyes drifted away from the TV screen for a moment, only to find Yeosang staring at you with his pretty, brown eyes. Those eyes, which seemed to see nothing but you, held a world of warmth and affection. You smiled gently at him, your brow furrowing slightly as you mouthed, "What?" His gaze was so tender that it made your heart flutter. 

Yeosang opened his mouth only to close it again. He smiled at you, and you swear you could melt at the way his eyes smiled, creating those crescent moons. You giggled softly, feeling shy all of a sudden, and you put your head on his shoulder, leaning even closer to him. As the movie played on, you found it increasingly difficult to focus on the screen, your mind drifting to how fortunate you felt to have someone like Yeosang by your side. He gently wrapped his arm around you, the simple gesture made your heart flutter, and you couldn't help but smile to yourself. The comfort you felt in his presence was something you hadn't experienced in a long time, and it made you realize just how much you had needed to feel this way. 

You tried to focus on the movie, but your fluttering heart made it hard to do so. Every scene seemed to blur together as your mind wandered. After a small while, your eye caught a glimpse of Yeosang staring at you once again. You felt warmth spreading throughout your face, a blush creeping up your cheeks. 

Yeosang didn't look away; instead, he smiled gently, his eyes crinkling at the corners. That smile was enough to make you feel like the most special person in the world. You couldn't help but smile back, feeling a sense of happiness. The movie played on, but it was clear that neither of you was paying much attention to it anymore. 

"Sangie!" You smiled, punching his arm gently. "You wanted to watch the movie, yet you aren't paying attention!" 

Yeosang chuckled softly, rubbing the spot where you had playfully punched him. "I can't help it," he replied, his voice filled with warmth. "I find you much more interesting than any movie." His words made your heart flutter even more. You felt a blush creeping up your cheeks and tried to hide your face by snuggling closer into his shoulder. Yeosang tilted his head slightly, resting it on top of yours. "You know, you don't have to hide from me," he whispered softly, his breath warm against your ear. 

"You just... you are too sweet, and it's embarrassing how red my face probably is right now," you whispered, your voice barely audible. You could feel the warmth spreading across your cheeks, and you were certain that your face was now a deep shade of crimson. 

Yeosang's hand gently traced small circles on your back, his touch soothing and reassuring. "You don't have to be embarrassed," he murmured softly. "I think it's adorable." 

His words made your heart flutter even more, and you couldn't help but smile against his shoulder. "I just... I'm not used to someone being so kind and caring," you admitted, your voice trembling slightly. "It's a little overwhelming." 

Yeosang gently moved his arms away from you, his hands on your shoulders, making you stop hiding your face, so you were facing each other. His touch was tender, and the sincerity in his eyes was unmistakable. You could feel your heart racing, the vulnerability of the moment making you feel both exposed and cherished. 

He took a deep breath as if to steady himself, and without much thought, he blurted out, "Y/N, of course I treat you kindly. I mean, that's how you show you love a person." 

You felt your heart sink, and panic rushed through you. The words echoed in your mind, and you found it hard to breathe. Yeosang noticed your reaction and quickly added, "I didn't mean to scare you. I just... I love you, Y/N. And I want you to know that you're safe with me." 

You abruptly backed away from Yeosang's hold, swallowing hard. Your eyes couldn't focus, your thoughts were racing. Even when you opened your mouth to answer, nothing came out. 

Yeosang's expression shifted instantly, concern clouding his face. He reached out tentatively, yet you smoothly escaped from his touch. "I'm sorry if I said something wrong," he murmured, his voice tinged with worry. 

"I... um... I just, yeah thank you but you should really get going," you mumbled, your voice barely above a whisper. The words felt heavy, laden with the weight of your insecurities and fears. You couldn't meet Yeosang's eyes, afraid of seeing the hurt and confusion that you knew would be there. 

There was a moment of silence, a palpable tension hanging in the air. Yeosang hesitated, clearly torn between wanting to respect your wishes and the urge to stay and comfort you. Finally, he nodded slowly, his expression a mix of sadness and understanding. "Okay," he said softly, his voice gentle. With that, he stood up and made his way to the door, leaving you alone with your swirling emotions and the lingering warmth of his presence. 

The night was spent in creeping and paralyzing guilt, that held you in a chokehold. Every time you closed your eyes, the scene replayed in your mind: Yeosang's hurt expression, the way his shoulders slumped as he walked out the door, and the heavy silence that followed. You tossed and turned, unable to find any semblance of peace. The weight of your insecurities and fears bore down on you, making it difficult to breathe. You couldn't shake the feeling that you had pushed away someone who genuinely cared for you, someone who had only shown you kindness and patience. The guilt gnawed at you, making sleep an impossible task. You lay there, staring at the ceiling, wishing you could turn back time and handle the situation differently. The night stretched on, each minute feeling like an eternity as you were held captive by your own remorse and regret. 

You lost count of how many times you picked up your phone and tried to type any sort of text to Yeosang, yet nothing seemed to be suitable. Each time you began to write, your fingers would hover over the keyboard, paralyzed by doubt and fear. You would type a few words, only to delete them moments later, convinced they weren't enough to convey what you truly felt. You wanted to apologize, to explain, to assure him that your reaction was a result of your own insecurities and not a reflection of his actions. But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't find the right way to express the turmoil inside you. The more you struggled, the more frustrated you became, until eventually, you would put your phone down with a heavy sigh, the message unsent and your heart still aching. 

A few days passed, and you tried to fall back into your routine to keep your thoughts in check. You immersed yourself in anything that could distract you, but the emptiness left by Yeosang's absence was hard to ignore. During those days, you found yourself repeatedly checking your phone, hoping for a message from Yeosang, but the screen remained stubbornly blank. Each day without a word from him felt like a sharp pang in your heart, making it harder to hold onto the hope that things could be mended. 

You knew it was high time to start making peace with the undeniable truth: you had lost Yeosang. 

Or maybe you should just reach out to him like an adult should, and face your insecurities? After all, you owed it to yourself and him to be honest about your feelings and fears. But then again, what if Yeosang had just given up on you? What if he did not want to be there for you, ever? The thought of losing him for good made your heart ache even more. Yet, despite these fears, you could not ignore how kind and attentive he had always been. If he genuinely loved you, wouldn't he reach out himself? But perhaps he was waiting for you to make the first move, to show that you were willing to open up and fight for the relationship. 

It was yet another evening you spent sprawled out on your couch. You had already binge-watched half of the season of the hottest drama, and it started to tire you. The dramatic scenes on the screen seemed distant, unable to hold your attention any longer. Lying down, munching on chips, and watching TV had indeed made you tired. 

You sighed deeply, feeling the weight of your emotions pressing down on you. You shifted slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position, but no amount of rearranging seemed to ease the discomfort within you. 

As you lay there, staring at the ceiling, your thoughts drifted back to that night with Yeosang. The memory of his hurt expression and the sadness in his eyes haunted you. You replayed the scene over and over in your mind, wishing you could go back and handle things differently. 

The ceiling above you offered no answers, just a blank canvas for your swirling thoughts. You wondered what Yeosang was doing, if he was thinking about you too, or if he had already moved on. All you could do was lie there, staring at the ceiling, and hope that somehow, you would find the courage to face your fears and reach out to Yeosang. 

A sudden doorbell ring startled you, sending a jolt through your body. Your heart began to race, the unexpected sound breaking the silence and stillness of your evening. With each step toward the door, you felt the rush of adrenaline coursing through you. You could barely hold your curiosity and hope as you reached for the doorknob. Taking a deep breath, you steadied yourself, trying to calm the whirlwind of emotions inside you. Finally, with a sense of urgency and a fluttering heart, you swung the door open, revealing Yeosang standing there, holding a bouquet of flowers. His eyes met yours, and you could see a mix of hope and apprehension in them. The sight of him standing there, flowers in hand, made your heart skip a beat. 

"Yeosang," you managed to whisper, your voice trembling. The sight of him standing there, so close yet seemingly so far, made your heart ache. 

"Hey," he said softly, his voice carrying a gentle warmth. "I know we left things in a pretty rough spot, but I couldn't stop thinking about you. I wanted to make things right." 

"I'm so sorry—" you managed to say before Yeosang interrupted you. 

"No, please, let me speak first," he said, his voice urgent yet tender. "I've missed you so much, and I can't stand the thought of us being apart because of.... whatever that was. I want to be with you, Y/N, and I want to help you through whatever you're feeling." His words hung in the air, filled with sincerity and a deep yearning. You nodded slowly as you felt a lump form in your throat, overwhelmed by the emotions coursing through you. "I am not like the previous assholes that played with you," Yeosang began, his voice trembling slightly as he took a deep breath. His eyes locked onto yours, filled with determination and sincerity. "I know you've been hurt before, and I understand that it's hard for you to trust again. But I'm not them." He paused, his gaze never wavering, giving you time to absorb his words. 

The sincerity in his eyes made your heart ache, and you could feel the warmth of his presence enveloping you. 

"I'm willing to do whatever it takes to show you that," he continued, his voice steadying but still filled with emotion. "If earning your love means proving myself repeatedly, that's what I'll do. Because I truly love you." He paused again, his eyes searching for any sign of understanding. "I am ready to work through every challenge, every fear, and every doubt with you," he said, his voice growing stronger with each word. "You can't get rid of me that easy." A small, determined smile appeared on his face, and you could see the resolve in his eyes. "I want to be there for you, to support you, and to make sure you feel safe and cherished," he said, his voice softening as he took a step closer, finally entering your apartment. The proximity made your heart flutter even more, "We can take this one step at a time, together." 

You felt a surge of emotion, your eyes welling up with tears. The vulnerability in his voice and the sincerity in his eyes made you realize just how much he cared for you. Your heart swelled with gratitude and love, and you knew that this was a moment you would always cherish. 

"I was beginning to think you weren't coming back," you whispered, your voice trembling with a mix of relief and lingering fear. You took a few steps closer, finally closing the distance between you. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you rested your cheek on his chest, hearing his heartbeat, which momentarily made you relax. Yeosang’s scent enveloped you, a familiar and comforting aroma that brought back memories of your first date. You noticed he had put on the cologne you had complimented back then, a small but significant gesture that showed how much he cared. 

"I never wanted to leave in the first place," he replied, his voice filled with earnestness. Yeosang finally wrapped one arm around you, pulling you gently but firmly closer. His head rested on top of yours, and you could feel the warmth of his breath against your hair. The worries and insecurities that had plagued you for days began to dissipate, replaced by a sense of peace and belonging. You closed your eyes, allowing yourself to fully absorb the comfort and love that radiated from Yeosang. 

"I've missed this," you whispered, your voice barely audible, but you knew he heard you. 

"Me too," he replied softly, his voice vibrating through his chest and into your ear. "I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere." 

His words were like a balm to your wounded heart, and you couldn't help but tighten your embrace, holding onto him as if he were your lifeline. You looked up at him as you pulled out of the hug, smiling softly at him. You couldn't even begin to describe how glad you were to see him again, to hear and feel how much he cared. The emotions that had been swirling inside you for days seemed to settle, replaced by a sense of peace and relief. 

Yeosang finally handed you the flowers, "These are for you," he said gently, his voice filled with warmth and tenderness. 

You took the bouquet from him, your fingers brushing against his momentarily. The flowers were beautiful, vibrant, and fresh, and they brought a smile to your face. You couldn't help but bring them to your nose, inhaling their delicate fragrance. 

"Thank you," you whispered, your voice filled with gratitude. The simple act of receiving the flowers made you feel cherished and valued in a way you hadn't felt before. "Nobody ever got me flowers," you whispered, your voice tinged with a mix of disbelief and gratitude. 

Yeosang's expression softened even more, his eyes never leaving yours. "Well, get used to it," he said gently, his voice filled with warmth. "Because I plan on giving you many more flowers, and so much more." 

"I am so stupid for not telling you then, but I love you too, Sangie," you confessed in a rush, your voice trembling with emotion. 

Yeosang couldn't help but smile at your confession, yet he quickly composed himself and took a few steps back, confusing you. Then his eyes widened right before he looked down on the floor. He ran his hand through his hair, and your heart dropped. You watched him closely, trying to decipher his sudden change. The room seemed to grow quieter, the tension thickening with each passing second. Your mind raced with possibilities, each one more unsettling than the last. Yeosang took a deep breath, his expression shifting to one of contemplation. His eyes flickered with a mix of emotions—surprise, uncertainty, and something else you couldn't quite place. He seemed to be grappling with his thoughts, the silence stretching on and making you feel more anxious. 

"Oh..." he gasped loudly, his eyes widening in mock surprise before continuing, "Um… I mean, thanks, but I better get going," he teased, his voice dripping with fake urgency as he mimicked your reaction from a few days ago. 

You couldn't help but scoff at his words, a mischievous grin spreading across your face. You playfully punched his arm, the force light but enough to convey your amusement. Bursting into laughter, you shook your head at his antics. "You jerk," you said, giggling uncontrollably as you remembered the original incident he was referring to. 

Yeosang laughed along with you, his eyes shining with joy. "I couldn't resist," he admitted, wrapping his arms around you once more. "But seriously, I love you, and I'm here to stay." His words were filled with a depth of emotion that made your heart swell with happiness. 

You looked up at him, feeling a sense of relief and warmth wash over you. "I love you too, Yeosang," you whispered, your voice steady and sincere. "And I'm ready to face everything with you. No more running away." 

Yeosang's smile widened, and he leaned down to press a soft kiss on your forehead. "That's all I needed to hear," he murmured against your skin. "We'll take it one step at a time, together." 

You nodded, feeling a newfound sense of hope and determination. With Yeosang by your side, you knew you could face anything. The fears and insecurities that had once held you back began to fade, replaced by the comforting knowledge that you were not alone. 

"So, about that Titanic showing?" Yeosang asked, a playful glint in his eyes. 

You chuckled softly, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. "Yeah, I think we can make that happen," you replied, smiling up at him. "How about tomorrow night?" 

Yeosang's eyes lit up with excitement. "It's a date," he said, leaning down to press a gentle kiss on your lips. 

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[st-el-la-luna]

Okay but like, what's with fandoms and their recent obsession with "purifying" themselves and the content in them?

It's one thing if a content creator is outed as a pedophile or a racist or a xenophobe.

What I'm talking about is this newfound hatred towards dark fics and dark subject matter in general. It's like people don't understand that it's fiction. Fiction is not reality. Even if the writing is disgusting or amoral, it's not real. And you don't have to read it.

People have been writing weird shit for ages. So how come we only ever see these purity enforcers attacking fic writers or fan artists in fandoms?

Like, in the COD fandom I've seen a bunch of people getting hounded for posting or consuming dark content, I've also gotten a couple messages about it. And, like, hey buddy? Who really cares.

Fiction and reality are two separate things.

Also, why are you attacking me, a 20 year old who lives with their mom and writes for their ten consultant followers and not, oh, I don't know...

Stephen King, who has that whole underage sewer orgy scene in It.

Or the e creators of call of duty for creating literal propaganda. Because, hey besties, yes, that's what COD is. Propaganda. They want you to see it and be like, "yay, guns and the military!" And that's the thing about fiction. It's allowed.

The issue at hand is, in my mind, an issue of deeper reading comprehension or complex thoughts. And a lack of understanding of catharsis.

No one is saying these things are good. But these things exist in the world, like it or not. And in my mind, it's better to portray them in fiction than not at all. Because at least in portraying it awareness can be spread.

And again, if you don't like something, if it triggers you, just don't read it. It's simple. Like if you're watching a movie and can't stand blood so you cover your eyes not to see. You aren't going to go after the director are you? No. You're going to take steps to protect yourself against content you don't want to see or consume.

I think it's an issue of separating fan works from "real" works. Those who say fan art isn't real art or fanfiction isn't real writing. So perhaps in those people's minds, fan works, not being "real" means that they shouldn't portray things we see in reality.

All this to say here's a non-definitive list of novels with dark/disturbing content that these people would want to oppose:

It by Stephen King: The kids having an orgy in the sewers, child abuse, sexual abuse

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov: pseudo-incest, hebephilia

The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Attwood: Women being stripped of rights, education, loss of bodily autonomy, forced breeders (at the hands of a government)

The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks

The Road by Cormac McCarthy: People keeping other people for food, people keeping women as breeding stock (at the hands of bandits in a post-apocalyptic world)

Flowers in the Attic by V. C. Andrews: child neglect, child abuse, forced isolation, incest, rape

1984 by George Orwell: totalitarianism, government surveillance, insignificance and weakness of the individual

The Stand by Stephen King: sex, rape, ableism, abuse of handicapped people, violence and killing

Maus by Art Spiegelman: depiction of violence, concentration camps, Nazis, Nazi imagery, dehumanization, starvation, mass murder

Frankenstein by Marry Shelley: human experimentation, grave robbing, necromancy, technical necrophilia, murder, revenge, suicide

In the Miso Soup by Ryū Murakami: pedo/hebephilic relations, sex industry, murder

Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy: graphic depictions of violence, use of slurs, child abuse, infanticide (? Been a while since I read it so I might be misremembering), pedophilia, rape, sexual assault and violence

Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica: cannibalism, forced breeding, objectification, slave trade, people being bred and sold for meat

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess: sadism, sexual violence

The Girl Next Door by Jack Ketchum: captivity, torture, torture at the hands of children, violence, sexual violence, based on a true story

Lord of The Flies by William Golding: shows the truth of human nature, dissolution of society and it's rules, violence as a basal instinct

The 120 Days of Sodom by Marquis de Sade: sex, sexual violence, rape, sex trade, pedophilia, incest, abuse, literally just the whole book

Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh: mental illness, drug use/addiction, infant death

American Psycho by Brett Easton Ellis: violence, gore, rape, murder, torture, misogyny, sadism

A lot of these books, though considered scary and disturbing and gross, are also seen as classics.

It's not the fault of the author or the media they create, but that of the consumer.

You can find it icky and gross after reading or watching such things. Most of the time you're supposed to. That's a good thing, it means you're human. These things make you think and feel and emphasize.

To control what can and cannot be written is censorship. To control how certain things are portrayed is censorship.

Be aware of the media that's out there, because these disturbing things are real issues out there. And if you can't stomach it, don't consume it.

Simple.

[realmermaid333]

Okay but the whole "you're just like Capitol citizens if you watch the hunger games for enjoyment" is such a bad take.

Enjoying the hunger games series doesn't mean you enjoy the cruelty of the Capitol. The hunger games is literally a beautiful story of tragedy, oppression, and loss, but also love, and rebellion, and a recreation of their world. A return of power to the people. It's a story with complex characters and relationships, and interesting and clever social commentary. It's heartbreaking and heartwarming all at once.

The hunger games is a comfort story for me because seeing a girl who goes through so much trauma and tragedy in a damaged world change that world and be able to heal and live a happy life in the end is beautiful. Katniss is such a comfort character for me and one that has been dear to me since I was a child and will be dear to me for the rest of my life.

And not to mention that fiction is separate from reality. You can analyze and appreciate the social commentary that is the hunger games, while also thinking it is interesting and wanting to come up with quarter quell arena headcanons. Cause the hunger games aren't real, so dreaming up a story line isn't disrespectful cause no one actually died.

I do definitely see cases of people entirely missing the point of the hunger games, and I do find that to be very frustrating, but not every conversation surrounding it needs to be super serious like it was actually a real, tragic event. It's just not always that serious.

[turnstechgodhead]

Le sign... speaking of the server,

dirk is encouraging me to be more firm on my own thoughts for my comfort

i've seen ppl talk about it in stream a lil which im always like I Don't Care when it pops up but i've had Enough and i want to talk about the topic bc it's itching at my brain follicles.

since we're pretty strider-oriented, this had to happen at some point: strider cest/strilonde cest/in cest wont be allowed in the main server. if other people don't care, i might make a separate server.

-"hey why is that ^ something you would allow? pretty insane." / "are you a pro shipper then??"

no

"so you're an anti?"

also no

i dislike this argument as a whole bc i don't 'get it' i guess because im audhd. neither side is fully correct nor fully wrong.

"fiction affects reality." and "fiction is not reality." are two different thought processes that can and should coexist in the same space.

look. fiction can affect reality, but it IS also possible to separate from it. you can para or whatever responsibly. tag it. try to make sure people who don't want to see it don't have to see it. and if minors are getting sent your shit, make sure its clear that this should NOT be happening in reality. if you're a child, keep that shit blocked. it's NOT for you and you should not be actively consuming it. (please listen to this advice bc i grew up on the internet barely supervised, from a very unhealthily early age [7-8] and then developed into a fucked up hypersexual.) (seeing something fucked up and being like AUGH my eyes! is normal because that just. happens. thats life. you deal with it afterwards in some way. talking to someone you trust etc. you do not go back for more i am begging.) (if someone is showing you these things on purpose then please read this website all the way through for me ok?)

you should not be looking at an adult exploring/enjoying fucked up shit

videogames are not going to make you or me more violent by having violence, gore, and murder in them. but videogames DO make some people violent. those people should not have access to these things. but we (you and i) cannot control that beyond making sure content is labelled and set aside. i like playing games where i assassinate people. i am not an assassin. someone could play the same game and get terrible ideas they act on. this is not my fault for playing the game.

and, if you're an adult who likes fucked up shit (me too) tag your shit or have it listed somewhere on your about that it's something you post about frequently there. and maybe reiterate that it's not real. its just toys. and should never be followed irl. yeah, it fuckin sucks that we gotta do this shit, but kids are unfortunately on the internet, with the inability to differentiate grey from black and white. your shit might be the first exposure. which sucks!! so it's our responsibility to try and mitigate harm on both sides unfortunately until we can convince parents to start parenting their children again. which sucks. i just wanna post shit in peace but the buzzing around from very loud teenagers makes me anxious. i get it.

it fucking sucks!!! but we can't control other people, especially if theyre malicious

but you control what YOU see on the internet. block anyone. (i blocked someone back in the day for disliking johndave. be free.) and help people do that (control what they see) by making it very clear. you aren't evil for not wanting to see it, and other people aren't evil for enjoying fucked up content.

also some of yall on BOTH SIDES do some truly vile shit in the name of this argument when your energy could be spent elsewhere doing shit you like or even doing things that are actually. Helpful.

so i don't like either label i dont want to be associated with either of the sides but if you want to call me one or the other then . Whatever i guess? thats your business, not mine. just know you are not a failure or a freak for not constantly reinforcing and reassuring everyone that you think adults doing their own thing in fictional spaces with little toy dolls (that theyve been doing since the 70s-80s) is gross. you can just think that like. in general and look away because the dolls are dolls. but don't go posting doll horn-knees untagged. that's rude as fuck.

[dameronalone]

didn't want to add it to the tags of the post since it was specifically talking about racism in fandom and in media and I don't wanna derail that BUT it had me thinking again of the way people treat disabled/ND/mentally ill* characters (and people)

like, you can talk about how much you love and support disabled/ND/mentally ill people all you want, and even if you manage not to be infantatilizing about it, how do you ACTUALLY respond in the real world and not just posting on tumblr because believe me. people who ARE disabled/ND/mentally ill can see the way you talk about and treat and write characters who are also this way. whether the character is explicitly written that way or coded in such a way, we can see you either demonizing or infantlizing or just being plain ableist about them.

it's not okay to be ableist in your works you write or in the way you react to characters. in acting like a character is an object you remove your own accountability. in saying they are not real and have no bearing in reality you're saying you can be overtly ableist to people because they're fictional and they aren't real and it doesn't hurt anybody- seriously?

whether the work is inherently ableist or if it's and fans are being ableist that is not okay!!

everyone is one severe accident away from becoming disabled. people need to actually examine their own biases and wake up to the fact that some of the worst offenders are people who claim to loveeee disabled/nd/mentally ill people.

you love us until we need accommodation and that's inconvenient. you love us until we can't participate you love us until we have violent meltdowns you love us until we show any sign of something being "wrong" with us and often that's when we could actually use a helping hand but that's the moment you decide we're disgusting and evil and bad and shouldn't be allowed outside.

we can SEE the way you talk about and behave around and treat characters that are like us, because you think you can treat them that way without repercussions, and all you're doing is exposing yourself. whether you consciously think that way or are operating on subconscious bias, it's not cool

i don't care if you write whump or smut or whatever the fuck, the way you write about minority groups is extremely telling

*listed separately bc there's huge overlap but worth mentioning each category individually as well

[mania-sama]

Just want to say thanks so much for that post about you prefer Kevin/Neil over Neil/Andrew. Yes, I thought I was the only one. Agree with your answers about them, also not that I hate on Andrew but I don't see and feel the chemistry between him and Neil. FYI, I have said this to my AFTG moots once before and got blocked (that is why I never said it again until I found your blog).

And as fan of Haikyuu, don't you feel that Kevin/Neil kinda remind you of some other duo? Yes, Kageyama/Hinata. Wait, I know their personality is different but somehow their dynamic is kinda similar, right?

Sorry, if it's kinda random, but I got into AFTG because a friend of mine said, "You love Haikyuu, right? It's like that but with mafia and troubled kids" (worst advice ever, but I grew to love AFTG, too). And somehow, as I read them, I thought Neil will end up with Kevin if it's mlm story, and he end up with Andrew instead?

Oh yeah, can I ask what do you mean with "Andrew is the most unrealistic part of AFTG"?

Sorry for this long ask, thanks if you want to answer....

hey!! thanks so much for sending an ask! it was not too long; i love reading anything and everything people send me!

So sorry that people have blocked you over something as silly as a ship preference! I see where Andreil comes from; it has plenty of amazing and good qualities, and I'm happy with it being endgame! I just know, in my heart of hearts, that Kevneil should've been the one to cross the finish line. But that's just my opinion, and everyone is entitled to believe or think otherwise.

As far as comparing Hinata and Kageyama to Neil and Kevin, I'm of the opinion that their similarities start and end with their appearances. Outside of being singularly obsessed with one sport, I don't necessarily see the relation. Neil and Hinata are gingers and relatively short, and Kageyama is tall with dark hair. Their dynamics, to me, are different as well; Kageyama and Hinata both strive to get better together, but it isn't the trade-off and companionship that Kevin and Neil hold. Kevneil's dynamic is special in that it's very hard to find a reasonable comparison. They just have so much going on at all times. Kagehina, while a respectable pair, aren't as complex. They better each other even while at constant odds, and while you can say that is the relationship between Kevin and Neil, I feel that it is far too simple of an explanation, almost to the point that it's false.

Your friend isn't wrong to make the comparison. I've often thought this myself, honestly. It's got the same sport-focus while also being about mafia and troubled kids. I actually really like Haikyuu and think it's great; All for the Game essentially combines what I like about Haikyuu and everything I look for in Haikyuu fanfiction (that is, a focus on the individual characters and adding in insane trauma and lore for no reason at all). I personally think it's hilarious. It's one of the many reasons I'm very drawn to this series; it's like reading self-service fanfiction. I am a dead dove girlie at heart, what can I say?

... But on the same token, I have to talk about Andrew. While I don't disagree with my statement that Andrew is the most unrealistic part of AFTG (because he most certainly is), I will also say that this doesn't mean I dislike his character or don't find his story compelling. I do. I resonate with a lot of the ways he processes information, and I like how he represents that not everyone deals with trauma in socially acceptable or "presentable" ways. He's different, and that's okay.

However, here is where I come to a roadblock. I love the Dead Dove: Do Not Eat tag. I like to read when characters, in fanfiction, go through traumatic things. It's cathartic; it's a way for me to separate fiction from reality. I can experience these things without having to get emotionally involved. It's a curious phenomenon. But here's the other thing: I think it's something that should stay in fanfiction.

When you bring these serious topics into a published work, you have to treat it with the lens of professionalism. A video I watched semi-recently explains this very well while talking about the book A Little Life. The creator uses the term trauma porn to describe the general interest in visual works (books/tv shows/movies) where characters go through an unsubstantiated amount of trauma for the sake of... trauma. It's not there for any significant reason other than to be written. That's why it's so popular in fanfiction, and why I'm okay with indulging in it in that format. It's not serious. Fanfiction can be serious, but it's not serious in the same way that A Little Life is meant to be serious. A Little Life would be a perfect fanfiction, but as a published book, it is juvenile and worth very little in the world of trauma exploration.

This is how I feel about Andrew, and in some parts, Jean, in All for the Game. Andrew is raped about a gajillion times in this work. And for what? There is very little reason to keep making him endure this insanely traumatic experience, only for him to wind back in the same exact place he was before. It adds nothing to the story or his character. His original backstory works fine in the narrative: he is repeatedly traumatized as a youth, and this fundamentally changes who he becomes. That is fine. But then it happens off-book... again? To serve as a punishment to... Neil? Then he comes back like nothing happened. As if he was raped for nothing. Because, well, he was. Narratively, no repercussions occurred because of this action. Andrew didn't hold it against him. Neil still experienced the Nest regardless if Andrew did or didn't get raped. Then, it happens... again. This time on-book, and while we do get the satisfaction of seeing his original rapist murdered, it still does nothing. This encounter with his old abuser could have been worth a lot if there had been a proper set-up of conflict, but instead, the author chose to write a rape scene. Because that makes sense? Especially when the character bounces right back as if nothing happened. Because again, nothing narratively happened due to this scene. Aaron gets locked away for a while, and that's about it. It isn't even really a big deal, because they end up working through the details off-book. The team isn't severely impeded by this situation. Nothing happens. Do you see why this is a problem? It's very, very frustrating, and it makes a mockery of a very serious trauma. It is, point blank, trauma porn, and it has no right to be in a serious, published work. Even most fanfiction writers that do write trauma porn would've handled this with more grace and elegance than Nora did.

This alone wouldn't have made Andrew fully unrealistic. Now I want to talk about the issue of the drug he takes. He takes this made-up insanity pill that makes him loopy and goofy. Because of course it does. Even though there is no medical standing for a drug like this to even exist, nor would it medically make any sense at all to cause him to act this way. Furthermore, I am of the opinion that he didn't need to take them at all! Everyone in the book hyped up Andrew's natural state to be horrifying and unapproachable, only for the reveal to be... a stoic guy. I think that he was scarier on the drugs. He was honestly relaxed and seemed to be happier off the drugs despite everyone saying that he was crueler. In the narrative, he didn't even change. The drugs served only as an inhibitor to his playing in the first two books, and another way to make Andrew experience more trauma.

In short, Andrew, to me, is very clearly just a way for a female author to torture a gay male character. I said it, and I will not take it back. I wouldn't care if this was a fanfiction (I do it all the goddamn time), but it's not. It's a published book, and therefore must be reviewed with a critical eye. And she does a lot of this stuff again with Jean, only with a bit more care and finesse. Jean is far more believable than Andrew, and he still runs into many of the same problems that Andrew's character writing fatally experiences.

To quote you, sorry for the long response! I just had a lot to say. I love All for the Game. I honestly think it's a good book series that explores avenues of trauma responses with a fairly entertaining plot; no piece of media is perfect, and some of the greatest have serious problems with them that a lot of people choose to ignore. I love All for the Game despite its many flaws, and I am very excited for the next book of The Sunshine Court duology.