#like seriously how can one hate this album when it gave paper rings!

[mystifiedmess]

happy third birthday lover, the hate you get is unjustified<3

[ggukkiedae]

Dream VS Dream | JENO VS HANNAH

italics are spoken in english :3 purple questions are hannah’s for jeno to answer, orange questions are jeno’s for hannah to answer

“it’s a little hard considering the fact that jeno and i tell each other everything”

jeno, on the other hand, had quickly finished and sat down in their filming area

jeno, on the other hand, had quickly finished and sat down in their filming area

“hannah!” “what?” “hurry uuuup”

jeno bounced his leg while watching her write her questions down. he had a fond smile on his face

“she’s always like this. you should see her when it’s her turn to mc a question and answer portion”

a pen cap came flying towards him which he quickly dodged

“i can hear you, you oversized puppy”

eventually she sat in front of him and they stared at each other for a while in silence before speaking at the same time

“what?”

cue laughter from them before the scene cuts

“hello everyone, this is dream vs dream, jeno vs hannah edition” “yes, watch our friendship fall apart over questions like this is uno” “no english allowed here” “...”

the two played rock paper scissors to decide who’d answer questions first. she puts out scissors while he puts out rock. she groaned

“i hate this, you always win” “that’s because you always put scissors out first! because i won, you have to answer my first question”

the two exchanged their sets of questions and burst into laughter once they both saw the papers on the top of the pack

“yah! this is destiny, lee jeno” “lee haeeun, you are a copycat! we wrote the same question for the first round!”

the two showed off their slips of paper which, sure enough, held the same question. they high fived before hannah calmed herself and answered

“what does jeno mean in chinese characters?”

“what does hannah mean in chinese characters?”

“your name’s meaning in hanja? easy. je for king and no meaning to work hard” “huanuo’s just as easy. lucas hyung wouldn’t stop talking about it back in 2018. hua for flower and nuo meaning to be graceful”

she laughs at jeno doinh and impression if lucas’s voice and face, both quite accurate

they confirmed that their answers were both correct before movin on

how many rings am i wearing?

jeno hid his hands behind his bacm while hannah tried to catch a glimpse. then she smirked

“4. i helped you pick them out when we got here”

jeno’s jaw dropped and eyes widened at the realization which made hannah burst into laughter

“i completely forgot you helped me pick!” “it was pretty easy. our tradition ring, the friendship ring, the one that looks kinda like a rope, and the big one”

jeno face palms, chuckling to himself

“i can’t believe i forgot about that. anyway…”

what’s my favorite song from the hot sauce album?

jeno threw himself back on his chair with a scff

“my youth! the moment yoonmi accidentally played that instead of rainbow when we met with her and our team you would not leave it be until we added it to the album”

he looked at her accusingly meanwhile she was just throwing her head back and laughing

jeno nudged her leg with his foot to bring her attention back to the camera then pointed at the questions she was holding

what time did i set my alarm for?

“is this even a question jeno? 5:20! you always have it for ten minutes before actual wake up time!”

he looked at her approvingly and slightly in shock

“i thought you forgot!” “we room together during dream promotions!” “promotions haven’t started yet!”

she shook her head disapprovingly while jeno laughed at her

“if you get my next question wrong then i’m rooming with jisung when promotions start”

you can hear jisung in the background give a shout of approval making the two 00 liners look at each other and laugh

what time do i sleep recently?

upon jeno’s silence and thinking look, hannah reached forward and hit his arm making him yell out and hold the area she hit

“you know this!” “it’s been a year since we last roomed together! don’t hit me, it’s my birthday” “ever heard of birthday punches?”

she gave him a teasing tight lipped smile jeno reached forward and squished her cheeks in one hand

“stop that. 2. you never sleep later than 2 when there’s promotions”

she nodded at him proudly before swatting his hand away and reading the next question

what’s my favorite ice cream flavor?

“wait, i know this. i bought you this with other ice creams last night” “you better get this right or else all our late night talks while eating ice cream mean nothing” “how am i supposed to know which ice cream you eat?”

he was playfully staring her down while she thought back. she snapped and jumped a bit in her seat

“it’s a haagen-dazs one!” “which one?” “vanil— no, it’s a green one”

jeno clapped his hands excitedly an leaned forward in anticipation

“is it matcha? the green tea?” “took you long enough” “it’s not like you can guess my favorite ice cream flavor”

she rolled her eyes at him but he smirked

“baskin robins’ my mom is an alien. you and haechan get the same flavor every time. this or puss in boots” “...” “i know you, hannah” “damn it, jeno, read the next question”

how much was our tradition ring?

he laughed and gave her a look

“seriously? i paid for them” “but did you look at the price while you paid?” “good point”

he looked at his pinkie then took her pinkie and looked at the two rings side by side

“would you round it to the nearest tens?” “maybe?” “around $140 soooo around ₩155,000”

she patted his head

“nice job. $137, actually” “oh for real? i was guessing?”

they laughed and compared their rings again

“i’ve only taken this off once, you know?” “don’t remind me. i still haven’t recovered from that” “neither have i, jen. neither have i”

what’s something i wish i could go back and change in our friendship?

“honestly, it’s the same for you and me. november 30, right, jen?” “yeah. if i could have talked to you about that sooner then maybe we wouldn’t have fought back then” “i mean, you—”

her voice was bleeped out, and so was jeno’s for the next few exchanges. captions appeared on screen saying “mute for now to keep their privacy”

“glad we think the same thing”

she smiled at him and reached out with one hand, which he took while speaking

“no more secrets, right hannah?” “no more. now read my last question”

what’s my favorite thing about our friendship?

“you utilize my strength” “jeno!” “ow! i was joking!”

she hit his arm which made him laugh and rub it once again

“you like how comfortable we are. if we’re talking about specifics, you like how we can talk to each other” “correct”

she smiled at him and held her hand up for a high five which he gave

“the one person i tell everything” “no, you tell haechan everything” “i don’t technically tell him, he always just knows” “that’s so strange” “it’s the same with you and nana!”

they laughed before counting their questions

“good one, hannah, everything was correct” “looks like we care for each other equally then”

they stood up and dusted their hands off

“happy birthday, jeno. i’ll be sure to reserve yoh the green tea ice cream when we get back to the dorms” “no birthday hug?”

she rolled her eyes but hugged him anyway, kissing the tips of her fingers then patting his cheek with them

“happy, birthday boy?” “yeah”

they turned to the camera, jeno draping an arm around her shoulder

“we don’t have a winner for this round, i guess” “stay tuned for more dream vs dream. next time we do this, i’ll make harder questions that hannah can’t answer”

-end-

[harryimaginestuff]

Never Love Again

Anon: Can you do one with harry being a dick/asshole and is really mean to y/n hurts her feelings(they arent dating) and harry tries to win? her back major angst please :)))

The song lyric used in this is from ‘Never Love Again’ from ‘A Star is Born’.

The one where Harry’s never been meaner (acquaintances!harry&y/n)

Genre: Angst 

Word count: 2.9k

Warnings: Mentions of death

      You’re thankful for the radiators on blast, their artificial heat hugging you allowing you to release the strong grip you had on your coat as the clear door slams shut behind you thanks to one of many strong gusts of wind.

      Wiping your feet on the carpet you wave animatedly at Jess, the receptionist, hurriedly taking off your scarf and coat hanging it on the pegs provided. Coming here had become a regular for you over the Summer, the prime time of music writing for musicians, so now in the freezing month of December getting ready for a writing session in one of London’s most famous recording studios had become second-nature to you.

      Jeff Azoff had contacted you years ago after hearing about your impeccable talent for song writing and admirable professionalism, something that he himself revered because he knew first-hand how frenzied operating within in this industry could get. So, when one of his father’s clients – John Mayor if we really feel like name dropping – had rambled on profusely about your undeniable talent he had no choice but to check you out. And that was almost 4 years ago. From then on the two of you had formed a close bond, tagging along on family holidays, being invited to the fanciest of parties and being the resident ghost writer for Full Stop Management.

      And today just like most days you were called into the studio to aid with the writing of yet another global superstar and according to the vague text that Jeff had sent you that morning, said artist was Harry Styles.

      Now, you weren’t completely unfamiliar with the man, after all having a friendship with Jeff automatically meant that you would constantly be in Harry’s presence, however you wouldn’t go as far as to call yourself friends. Your relationship with him had always been low-key and mediocre, chatting occasionally, and for lack of a better word, the two of you were merely friendly. Nothing more, nothing less. You had absolutely no issue with this of course, it wasn’t as if you both would never talk, you would exchange formalities, have light-hearted conversations, and his gentlemanly behaviour was evident from when the two of you had first met. You had always admired him, even in his boyband days, loving how he was never afraid to just be, respecting how he had the kindest and most gentle soul. You had no issue with admiring him from a distance.

      As you entered the recording booth you were greeted with warm smiles weirdly from everyone sans Harry it seemed. You shrugged off his odd behaviour, excusing his cold greeting with the fact that he has been stuck in here for hours, the stress from making a song stealing all of his attention as the deadline for his next album fast approached.

      “M’so sorry I’m late guys, got caught up at home.” You sheepishly mumbled an apology plopping yourself on the coach beside Mitch as you pulled your notebook out of your bag. You almostmissed the look Harry gave you, his face screwing up in distaste as he rolled his eyes. Almost.

    “No worries Y/N.” Jeff’s American accent ran thick, “You’re the one doing us a favour.” You ignored the sound of Harry huffing across the room, instead choosing to focus on finding the piece you thought would be best for Harry.     “We’ve been stuck here for hours,” Mitch groaned beside you, his head leaning back as he closed his eyes, “please tell me you have something for us.”

     You chuckled lightly, “As a matter of fact I do, it’s not much but it should be enough to kickstart a few gears,” reaching over you gently patted Mitch’s head to which he smiled brightly up at you.

      “Think I’ll be the judge of that thanks.” Harry finally spoke up; however, he was still huffing and puffing, “S’my album.”

     You ignored Harry’s harsh tone, instead choosing to smile brightly at him handing over your open notebook to which he took without even a whisper of a thank you.

      You watched on with nerves, your fingers fiddling on your lap as you Harry’s eyes skimmed over the pages covered with your hard work.

      However, rather than receiving the praise you thought you would get you were met with another scoff as his judgemental eyes turned to you.

     “S’supposed be prepared aren’t you? That’s why Jeff pays you.”

     “Harry!” Jeff shouts, yet the volume of his voice falls flat once it reaches Harry’s ears.

      “First your fucking late, s’not very professional is it? And then you hand me your supposed ‘chosen’ piece and it cannot be any further from what I am.”      “Don’t doubt my ability to write when I’ve been successfully for other artists for years.” You huffed, crossing your arms and leaning back into the leather sofa.      “M’ not doubting your abilities to write s’just even a basic amount of research would’ve been evidence that what you’ve just shown me is not like me.”

     Your heart beats erratically and your hands clench in an attempt to keep the rapidly growing irritation at bay. Reminding yourself repeatedly that it would not be okay if you were to kick him in the shins.

      “Like you said Harry, it’s your album you do have the final say,” you said through gritted teeth. “A ‘no thanks’ would’ve sufficed too though.”      Reaching out your arm you grab your abandoned notebook carefully turning to the page that had the other page with a post-it note hanging out. “I’ve got another one that I thought we could use.”

     Before coming you were sceptical of whether you would want anyone to look at these specific lyrics you had written, along with a couple others, you held these lyrics closest to your heart. However, it was this particular one that stood out to you as you had browsed through your book as soon as you received Jeff’s message. Maybe these lyrics could mean something to someone as much as it did to you.

     Please be gentle. You thought, once again handing the notebook back to Harry praying that he wouldn’t be as harsh with this one.

      Once again you were watching on, your body full of nerves more so than the previous time. But rather than receiving a death glare you were met with a breathy laugh as Harry read over the lyrics you had given.

      “Fucks sake,” you heard him mumble causing your heart to drop. “Have you ever even been in love?”

     “Wha-” you asked surprise ringing clear in your voice.

     “S’literally the most two-dimensional thing ever. S’not captured anything at all. And apparently you’re of the best writers today.” He complained. “Fucking lie s’what that is.”

     “Harry what’s wrong with you!” Mitch jumped to your defence, completely in shock at his mate’s behaviour.

     “M’just telling the truth, nothing wrong with that.” Harry pauses taking the time to read your work only to dissect it right in front of you. “Like seriously ‘Don’t wanna feel another touch’, pretty basic Y/N at least write something you have experience with.”

      Harry’s words were snarky and had no issue with cutting deep right to your bones.

      You sat there staring at the man across from you, completely dumbfounded with how your day had turned out. You never expected to be sitting across from Harry Styles, someone who had been nothing but nice to you since you first met and yet here you were, being ripped to shreds by the exact same man.      Your throat was tight as if being strangled with thorns, the words coming of your mouth strained as you fought the tears that were already threatening to spill. “You don’t even know me Harry.”

     “Yeah and I don’t need to to know what you’re like.”

     “I don’t know what’s warranted you to act the way you’ve been. M’just trying to help you get out of the funk that you’ve been in all day. No need to drag me through the mud.” You stood up, clutching your bag in your hands, shooting Harry one last look. “I’m going home I don’t feel too good, but feel free to browse through my book to find at least one thing that’s worth your time.”     You ignored the calls of your name from both Mitch and Jeff only sending them a small wave and a tight smile as you exited the room. You didn’t care if your actions seemed ‘unprofessional’ or ‘childish’ there was just no way you would allow yourself to break down in front of anyone.

     You weren’t ready to go back into the cold, not when you felt as if there was no more warmth left inside you. Who did he think was to say any of that to you? He had no clue what you’ve been through, what you’ve felt.

     You may have only been 18 at the time but heartbreak was still heartbreak and death was still death.

      You always struggled to think back to a time where he was there, when the dull ache in your chest hadn’t been torturing you for months on end. When you had felt free and loved.

      But one night he had been ripped from you, pried from your loving grip and taken away without so much as a last goodbye from either of you.

      It was a drunk driver. A tragic accident. One that you would never allow yourself to forget. He had been on his way to you that night, after you begged him to come over to keep you company.

      He was there until he wasn’t. And you hated yourself for a while because of it.

      Over the time your self-hatred had evolved to sadness, anger until finally peace. The first time you had ever felt such content was when you were sat at your desk, an untouched notebook resting in front of you, your hands moving before your mind could even process. Until hours later you finally stopped and what was once untouched was now full of words, lyrics and songs about what you felt, ups and downs and all.

      And now the same notebook rested on the small coffee table, ready to be dissected even further by a man who knew nothing.

     There was only one thing that could get you out of the hole you had sunk into. That night you found yourself sitting at the same desk, paper in-hand, where you wrote yourself to sleep, dreaming of a green-eyed man and a fatal collision. 

//

    It was a loud and startling knock that jerked you out of your slumber. Glancing at the clock you huffed in both confusion and annoyance, who would be here at 7am in the morning? The incessant knocking forced you to hurriedly walk to the door, calling out only to receive no answer, the sound of their knuckles overpowering your voice.

     And of course, the culprit behind the door would be none other than Harry Styles. After all who else would be up before 7am dressed in running gear, hair sweaty, a tell-tale sign that your place was a stop off after his morning jog.     “Harry?” you asked, confusion lacing your voice. “What are you doing here?”     Harry gestured to the door smiling shyly to which you nodded with a roll of the eye, swinging the door open he stepped in. “Nice.” He hummed, his eyes scanning the room.

     “Hello? It’s 7 in the morning Harry. Never mind how you even knew where I live but what are you doing here?”

     “Jeff.” He remarked still preoccupied with taking in your clustered flat. “I mean Jeff told me where you lived and I came back to give you your notebook.”     “Pretty sure Jeff’s not allowed to give out a client’s personal information.”     “He’s not.” Harry agreed, finally turning to look at you. “But I begged and s’more so to mend a friendship.”

     You shrugged your shoulders perplexed at the supposed friendship Harry claimed the two of you had. “Never aware we were friends to begin with.”     You were quick to cut off Harry’s reply, his mouth opening and his eyes shining with guilt. “I can see this conversation is going somewhere. Just give me a few to freshen up yeah? Just woke up.”

     Once you were in the safety of your bathroom, you let out a breath you weren’t aware you were holding and took your time to freshen up.

      “The fuck.” You mumbled looking at your scruffy complexion. “This man gives me a headache.”

       Hyping yourself up in the mirror, you finally deemed yourself ready to come face-to-face with the man who had hurt you the night before.

     “I didn’t know.” He said as soon as you walked in, almost as if he had sensed your presence. At first you were left confused by his words, but that was until you saw the frame he was gripping in his hands.

      “Of course you didn’t, why would you?” You spoke after a moments silence, gently prying his fingers off of the photo and placing it back where it belonged.      “Mitch knew.” you raise your eyebrows in question and what this had to do with anything. “You met Mitch years after me, but Mitch knew.” 

    “Can you blame me? We were never that close Harry, but I got to a point in my friendship with Mitch to feel comfortable enough to open up and for him to recognise when there was something wrong with me.”

     Harry huffed; his eyes downcast so to not meet yours. “S’my point! I’ve known you for almost four years now and I could never see beyond the front you put on. I couldn’t see that you were in pain.” 

    You were shocked at his broken confession, but it only did so little to cure the damage he had done yesterday when he had verbally ripped into you and your hard work. “You really hurt me yesterday.”

     At your words Harry looked up at you, taking your hand in his he gently pulled you to your sofa, his hand still on yours even when you sat down. “I can’t even express to you how sorry I am.”

     “You can start with why maybe. I may not know you well, but I know you enough to know that outbursts like that always have a meaning behind.”

     “I was just so frustrated.” Harry paused with a slight shake of his head as if to get rid of the memories he had made the day before. “Not at you, at myself. The deadline is so close, and I’ve not even got half of the songs ready. And then Jeff called you in to do my work.”

     He let out a breathy laugh, his hand only leaving yours to be raised over his head in exasperation. “I mean I’m supposed to be one of the top artists of my generation and I don’t even have the brain capacity to write enough decent songs to make an album. I was so embarrassed that my manager thought I needed a ghost writer, someone who’s work I would take credit for, to write my songs for me. And then to make matters worse you had this book full of these amazing songs and it just made me question where I stood in the music world. God I was so jealous.  And I know none of this excuses my hateful words, but I just needed you to know where they came from.”

     “Not any concealed hate I have for you and not because I genuinely thought your writing was shit. It was just ‘cause in that moment I was an insecure little boy who couldn’t handle someone being better than him.”

     “You absolute idiot!” you all but shouted causing his eyes to widen in shock, “First of all, you’re a jealous prick. I can’t believe you ripped into me so bad and embarrassed me in front of everyone because you couldn’t admit to yourself the fact that you needed help. Second of all you I don’t know if you’re aware, but you have an album full of amazingly written songs, something that you took a huge risk and then succeeded regardless. Third you know I don’t want to be known for anything until I’m ready, so enough with that taking credit bullshit and fourth thanks a lot for ruining my first writing experience with you I can’t even begin to tell you how long I was waiting for someone to ask me.”

     “Oh and fifth! I forgive you. But you better not pull that shit with me again. I can take criticism but only if its constructive and not used to attack me.”

     You mumbled in surprise as Harry’s arms wrapped around you pulling you in for a tight hug shivers running over your body from his whispers of what an amazing person you are against your neck.

      “Well are you ready now?” Harry smiled slyly pulling away from the hug, the almost-creepy look on his face starting to freak you out.

     “Ready for what?” You asked with caution, unsure of where Harry was taking the conversation.

      “Want you to help me write tha’ lovely song you showed me ‘nd I want you to be put down as the co-writer.” Harry beamed at you. “If you’re ready of course, just thought if you wanted maybe it’s time for the world to see how talented you are.”

     Your mind was reeling as you contemplated your answer, you knew that somewhere down the line you wanted to be recognised for the work that you did. You just had never decided when, but as you looked at the man sitting beside you, you finally reached your answer.

“I’d love to.”

[hereforaus]

Now Breathe || pt 2

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: bodyguard!jungkook , rebel!reader , numb!reader, smut, angst

“people invading your personal space is one of the top most annoying thing to ever exist on earth and your overprotective politician mother hiring a personal bodyguard for you didn’t help at all”

wordcount:5.7k

WARNINGS! : 18+ , foul languages, violence, mentions of bully, smut (on future episodes) 

A/N: I made a trailer of this fic for yall to watch [here] :))))) thankyou for the love that yall showered for the first part and i hope you like this one,,,:)

part 1

“MOM!!!” Your nose is literally flaring right now as if there’s gonna be smoke coming out of it in no time. Upon entering the house, you decided to head to where you’re most probably gonna find your mom, her little office.

“How was the concert sweet pea?” she said with that so sweet tone she use with you eversince you were young. Eyes never leaving the paper she’s been holding since you arrive.

“The concert? OH HELL SO LIT. The bodyguard you just hired permanently for me? AWFUL

“Tell you what, he’s the best in his job despite the age” she’s not even looking at you. Like she does not know the weight of her actions.

“For fucks sake”

“Language”

“But mom! Are you seriously gonna do this to me? You do remember the only thing I ask of you in exchange of behaving well and staying away from fights right? I just need privacy, that’s all I ask” You look defeated. Awfully defeated.

“Yes sweetie. I remember everything but I need you to do me a favor for now” for the first time she look at you, her eyes looking so tired under her glasses and you notice the dark circles under her eyes seemingly heavy. She needs sleep, she looks drained out of life. “I’ve been receiving death threats for the past few days. At first it was just me and I can take that, but just yesterday you’ve been included. Hell they even know your university, the dance classes you take and the gym you’ve been conducting your boxing sessions during weekends. I don’t want to force you to not go to these places anymore since I know you can’t do that so that’s the least I can do”

You understand her and you can be a brat sometimes but you love your mom above anyone else, seeing her like this hurts you too. She’s already tired from work, you can see that and thinking that she’s been stressing over the threats on you must’ve been horrible. You can’t imagine how distressed she is and you know that the only thing you can do is to not add from her worries therefore you abide.

“Yes mom, I understand. But can you please rest? I hate seeing you like this”

She smiled.

“I know you’re such an understanding person. I will rest in no time sweet pea, for now you should go to bed too”

“I will. I love you”

“You’re always a sweet kid. I love you too”

-

“Morning miss” he said right after you open the door of the car to your spot on the front seat. Oh yeah, your driver has been replaced too by no other than Jeon Jungkook. His presence irritate you more than you like to but the only thing you can do is to shrug it off, put your earphones on, blast something off a Childish Gambino song, and wait till you arrive to your school not even giving a glance to the person next to you.

You exited the car without any word, almost missing the little wave Jungkook gave you because the car door was slammed quickly right after you set foot on the school grounds.

-

“You WHAT?”

“You heard it right, I have my personal bodyguard now”

“Woah woah! so what’s gonna happen now?” Sometimes talking to Lea makes you tired. Aside from the nonstop talking she always do, she also always have lots of questions.

“I guess he’s gonna follow me around everywhere? I dont know really. I’m not gonna be surprised if he’s outside this classroom right now”

“That’s cool!!!”

“Oh yeah for you” and then she’s standing up. “Hey where are you going?”

“Outside. I’m gonna see your body guard”

She’s a headache.

You quickly hold onto her wrist and pull her back to her seat. “I didn’t say he’s actually there”

“I’m just kidding” here she goes with her grin again. She turn her body to her left, directly facing you and she position her left palm under her chin. “So, how does he look like? You know some private agents are hot, just like what I see in the movies”

He’s hot, not gonna lie. “He is almost balding and quite got a cute belly”

At that she slam her hands from her face to your desk. “Bad luck”

“It’s not bad luck love, it’s just that movies are the opposite of real life, and you little peanut, should let that sink in”

“I swear sometimes you got no jams”

“I’m just being realistic and i don’t give all my time fantasizing unlike you. Don’t you get tired tho? of being disappointed all the time?”

“No. Sometimes hoping is tiring but saves you from sadness” She’s the opposite of you in every ways, and maybe that’s why your friendship works out. They say opposite attracts afterall and similar repels.

Just in time, your prof walk in the class. By the sound of his morning greetings, you can tell that he must’ve had his favorite coffee for breakfast, no doubt his day has been great so far.

You could only hold your pen tighter, very ready to continue the poem you started last night. You were just waiting for him to start the class (Chemistry, your least favorite) so that you can already pretend that you’re taking notes from every nonsense that’s coming out from his mouth when suddenly there seems like an announcement.

“Okay class” he spoke with authority but you can only care less as you’re already so deep into the world of poem and words.

“We have a new friend here today. Please intoduce yourself now”

“Hello, my name is Jeon Jungkook and I hope we get along well”

You shook your head. What’s up with boys named Jungkook nowadays and not just that they sound similar too… WAIT… they’re actually similar!

Upon realizing this, you snap your head to the front only to see Jeon Jungkook, your personal bodyguard, in all his glory, wearing the same uniform as all the other guys in that room, his beaming face earning coos from all the girls, right then and there you realize that your situation… couldn’t get any worse. In no time he’s gonna be your boxing coach too, at the same time sparring partner, maybe he’s gonna be one of your dance mates too. Great.

After his short speech that left everyone a fan of him for sure, he made his way to the vacant seat beside you. Of course he will, what did you expect?

“Hi mate”

You can only sigh at this.

“Hi creep”

“Bad morning?” you’re getting tired of his voice already.

“You know better than anyone else” you took off your eyes from your notebook for a while to look at him directly. “Do you want me to sit on your lap now? I think that’s the only thing left to do, is it?” This is gonna be an endless banter and you can smell it. Seeing that he can’t seem to find out how to use his mouth to speak, you return your eyes to your notebook not missing a roll of it upon doing so.

Just like that, Jungkook was left wide eyed, his expression quickly changing into that of a cocky one and a smirk soon followed suite. He’s gonna love his job for sure.

-

“Isn’t he cute?”

“Every single one here is cute for you Lea, stop speaking and eat your food already”

“This is different. He’s cute and hot Y/N and I think he likes you”

You lift your head and eyes from your food in order to look at her dead in the eyes, a true indication for her to just shut up and eat her food already. The school cafeteria is packed and noises from different groups of people can be heard. She nod her head behind you, a gesture that made you look over your shoulders. And you saw him. Who else but him.

“He does not like me okay? I can tell you that. So now let’s eat peacefully yeah?”

“I mean he’s been checking you out even earlier at class, you’re the first one he laid his eyes into”

You hissed.

“Okay I’ll shut up”

Finally.

-

“Our way to dance class miss?”

“Yes” you said, voice plain. “and please call me Y/N”

“Y/n” he repeated. Your name tasting good coming from his mouth.

“Yes you creep, hurry up or i’ll beat you up if I get late”

Soon after, the only sound in the car that can be heard is the list of songs from Amy Winehouse’s album called Frank and even though you know that it’s not a normal thing to be hearing from someone your age, you couldn’t care less. Halfway through the drive you urge yourself to speak, this question has been lingering on your mind for quite some time now.

“Tell me, what else did you do aside from entering the same school as mine and the same class too like a creep?”

“Don’t worry, nothing else”

“That’s a surprise”

“You know what, you have to treat me as your friend now, your mother told me to treat you as one cause you don’t get along with our kinds so it’s better if we can just be friends or something”

“I’m not friendly so you can scratch that thought already”

“Who hurted you to be like this?”

Jungkook didn’t mean it the hard way but as soon as you process his words, your mind goes blank. You immediately snap your head to his direction, thankfully enough he isn’t looking at you because his focus is on the road. He can see you from the corner of his eye but not entirely. He failed to see the look of vulnerability in your eyes that only three person in this world has seen. First your mom, second Lea, and third, your dad…

-

“Pull over”

“What?” Jungkook looks confused.

“I said pull over”

He did.

You got out of the car and opened the door to the driver’s seat where Jungkook is currently seating.

“Get out”

“No I can’t”

“I said get out, let’s exchange seats”

He obeyed.

No other words was exchanged because soon, you’re speeding up to somewhere he cant pinpoint where.

-

“Let’s have a deal”

You’re now inside the gym, a boxing ring located in the very front of it.

“What kind of deal this time?” Jungkook is now walking beside you.

“You’ll find out”

Soon enough there are two guys in front of you, beaming.

“Y/N!” Hoseok said, his eyes resembling that of crescent moons while making his way closer to you for a hug in which you complied to immediately. Seokjin also did the same resulting to a group hug that almost suffocates you. You love them, oh you surely does.

“Did I hear Y/N” you heard yoongi from a far following some footsteps that you can tell is headed towards you.

“Yoongi”

“Why are you here? You don’t come during weekdays” he said with slight amusement in his tone. Only you can get to stir up an emotion from him and that, you consider is your legacy.

“I needed to let out so badly. Do you have clothes for this guy?” you gesture towards Jungkook. The guy now in spotlight looking lost for a while but soon composed himself trying not to look dumb in front of the unfamiliar but quite intimidating faces.

Yoongi nodded, gesturing for jungkook to follow him while Seokjin and Hoseok produces baffling noises from excitement. You headed to one of the lockers owned by Seokjin to get some clothes that you left there purposely as a stock for emergencies like this. When the both of you had changed into gym clothes, Yoongi was quick to hand the gloves and head gear to the both of you.

“Yoongs, we’re not gonna be using that” Yoongi can only smirk. He knows more than anyone else in that room what’s going on inside your mind right now and the mere thought is enough to produce a smirk to his face.

You’re quick to head to the ring slightly bending your body forward to fully enter it. Less to your surprise Jungkook is still standing with the 3 boys.

“Hey creep! Get in here. We have a deal to finish” He does not need to be told twice because within seconds, he’s already in front of you. “If you win, you’ll get me to comply to one thing that you want me to do but the other way happens when I win. Sound fair?”

“Rules?” He does not back out from challenges.

“Freestyle match” The three guys can’t help but shout from excitement upon hearing this from you. If there is one thing to describe you, it is that you’re a beast inside the ring specially if there are no rules. Truth be told you’re not as serene as you appear to be, never. Eversince you were 11 (the time when you discovered that there’s a thing called punching bags and you can actually not use it because there’s a thing called sparring matches too) you were always involved in fights. Be it when Lea was once bullied by two guys because of her pigtails, in which those poor boys ended up with a broken nose and missing teeth and your first record from the guidance office or when you got pissed off by a random girl because she tried to act almighty in front of you attempting to trip you once when you were on your way to the table you share with Lea in the cafeteria (she ended up transferring schools after that because of an almost broken jaw which resulted to a workload of compensation money and letters from your mother).

After that incident, no one, not a single lost soul has dared to touch you or Lea. It’s not because of what you did but because of what more you can do. You being an asshole of a warfreak isn’t the only case because you act like you have nothing to lose, and that is the scariest thing about you. Well that’s not totally true because you have your own weaknesses, everyone does, but you will never let anyone know about that. The more they know, the higher chance they can take advantage of you. You believe that the more you expose yourself, the more you show fragileness and looking vulnerable in front of someone is scary. For you, not being able to lay flat all your emotions on the table is better than people having the chance or ability to hurt you. So just like that, you almost forget how it feels like to feel and it does not make living any better or easier because choosing to abandon your emotions is like entering the space. It’s like you’re just a floating thing on space, just there but do not actually has a purpose. Like you’re existing but you’re nothing.

You grew up like that. No idea on how to actually express your feelings other than through couple of punches. You would come to the gym every weekend to let out anything you’ve been keeping inside once in a while. You grew fond of the three boys that own this gym. They’re actually the only breathing human being with balls that can get along with you right from the start because at some point, the four of you are not far from same. You never have stopped being involved in fights but you do everything in your power to keep yourself away from it specially if you’re inside the school grounds.

Occasionally you would go home with purple bruises on your face. There is this one time when you happen to stumble to a couple of girls on your way back home from grocery with an ice cream on your left hand. The three of them looks like some gals your age, enjoying the freedom of youth, seemingly broke out of their wits because of clubbing plus cigarettes and alcohol. That time wasn’t the time for girls like you to be out in a dangerous city like seoul with no company of a male friend or relative but the three of them didn’t seem to mind it as they walk towards you, looking as if they can swallow you whole with their over manifestation of eye mascaras just so to look fierce and to have the “im young and wild and free so don’t touch me” vibes. You ignore them as you’re already trying to pass through them, a girl with blonde shoulder length hair and a bubblegum being chewed in his mouth grabbed your right wrist. At first you look at her, carefully scanning her features and you gave her a sweet and innocent smile but the looks she gave you in return screams something between the lines of “you should beg on your knees right now” as if the bubblegum on her mouth isn’t the cliché-est thing you’ve seen through out your whole life. You weren’t really planning on picking up on those girls and you’re already building an invisible bubble consisted of the substance called patience around your brain when halfway through talking them out of the situation, the girl slapped your left hand causing your favorite ice cream that took you a lot of effort to buy from the market to be shove out of your hand and to the floor. The moment you saw the ice cream meeting the dirt on the ground, you let out a scowl. If those girls knew you, they should’ve known better than stand there and continue the mocking expressions on their faces just from the sound of your snort but they don’t know you and they don’t know what they’re getting themselves into. So you lost it. The bubble patience wore out and the only thing left was raging anger. Needless to say, they must’ve stayed away from clubbing for 2 months after that incident because you’re sure as hell, one of them was on the brink of losing her eyeballs from a jab you did that ended up straight to her face. You’re not dangerous, you always say that to yourself but you’re always proven wrong whenever you can’t control yourself from wanting to punch just anything in front of you.

Hoseok, Seokjin and Yoongi knows how to calm you down by now. Seokjin being the most caring among all of them has been your exclusive doctor for years now. He would always have his first aid kit checked for empty bottles of disinfectant or pain killers, he can’t afford to run out of them because he can’t afford to see your wounds too. Yoongi has been the only trainer who managed to keep up with your temper whenever you would go overboard because of a specific bullshit in your life. Hoseok have long since learned how to catch your jabs and not get injured whenever the two of you would go sparring, he’s your long life partner, you can’t thank him enough.

Going back to the current situation, you look at Jungkook straight in the eyes, examining if there’s uncertainty on them but much to your surprise, you found none. You realized he’s just as stubborn as you and you can deal with that. “The game ends with a pin. Aside from that, you can do whatever during the match. Are we deal now?” You can feel your insides starting to heat up.

“This is gonna be great” he said in response “but don’t forget that i’m your body guard with a reason y/n, are you sure you want to do this?”

You can’t tell whether he’s being worried or being cocky but you don’t have time to dwell on that any longer. “Let’s see and find out for ourselves shall we?”

“You shouldn’t take her slightly kid” Hoseok knows what to say. He flashes Jungkook one of his blinding smiles.

“That’s Jungkook for you” And then the match started.

The first 2 minutes was spent blocking each other’s attack by hands. Majority of your antics was quickly avoided by him. He’s much stronger and well built than you, you can tell because of the times you lay your hands on his shoulder through out the fight that his muscles aren’t one to mess with. You would attack him countless of times but he won’t do the same for you. You can tell that he’s taking you easy. “Remember our deal. You won’t like it if I win” You said in between attacks.

“Who said i’ll let you win”.

tension

He’s now lurching forward. Left fist attempting its first contact to your face. missed. You grab his left arm still positioned in the air from the previous attack with your right hand. Pulling it towards you, he stumbled forward. Then a kick from your left knee to his torso followed. First hit.

The sound of skin grazing and making contact to each other came to a halt when the both of you paused. Jungkook has taken your left arm behind you by now. His left hand tangled in it with a force. His other arm came wrapped on your neck. Your whole body is aginst his. You can’t move.

Smell of sweat mixed with both your scents is strong in the air. The sound of Jungkook’s ragged breathing filled your ears and the feeling of his wet skin against yours overwhelmed your body.

A kick on the back of your knee sent you to the ground. Coming face to face to him, he hovered over your body. But before he can perform his next moves, you inch your face close to him, your arms made its way around his neck, and then your lips came in contact with each other causing his mind to shut down, eyes wide with the sudden move. 1…2…3…, before he can even comprehend anything, you broke the kiss. Your left knees swayed forward to his lower region. He growled in pain, it caused him to lay crouching on his back, instinctively holding his private part because of the electrifying pain. Then the last move you go, pin.

-

Right after the match ended, you bid your goodbyes with your good friends then you hop to the driver’s seat of your car, your mom’s car. Jungkook was quick to enter the car.

Both of you stayed silent. Jungkook seemingly deep in thoughts because of earlier and you, focused on the road. Jungkook does not have an idea where you’re heading to and by the looks of you, the destination is far from reach so he decided to break the silence.

“So… the deal”

“Yeah the deal” you tap your tumb on the stirring wheel repeatedly before continuing what you has to say “I need you to do this one thing”

“As long as it does not meddle with my work, i’m more than willing to obey”

“Sure” pause “ I need you to lie”

“W-what?”

“I know the system Jeon. You’re my bodyguard, and everyday you send a report to my mom. I’m not dumb”

“If you know the system then you should also know that I can’t lie to your mom because loyalty is a part of my job”

“Your job is to protect me Jeon. You’re my bodyguard and you also have the responsibility to be loyal to me. Besides, you lost the deal so you don’t really have a choice”

“What exactly do I have to lie to?”

“Maybe we have to rephrase that. You don’t need to lie, you just need to skip some details”

“Please be more specific maam” he released a scoff

“Follow me”

—

The both of you ended up in front of a seemingly abandoned, four story high building somewhere in the most secluded part of Seoul where only the most dangerous people who’ve been feared by normal citizens are able to walk on the streets at night. Jungkook can tell from observing the place on your drive up to here that the whole area isn’t a place that a normal person would visit or would plan to. Majority of the buildings around are abandoned and graffitied. There aren’t much streetlights and the houses are small, murky and right next to each other, not to mention, litters are everywhere.

You opened the pealing door surrounded by iron chunks that reveal the interior of the skyscraper you just entered. The ground floor displayed the presence of nothing that even doors separating the multiple rooms are missing. The whole floor is mainly consisted of thick dusts and the very few slightly dimmed flickering lights that is only enough to aluminate the pathway to the stairs. Jungkook kept following you from behind, both your steps leaving an echo through out the place. You made your way down to the underground and upon your second step from the stairs, you halt causing Jungkook to do the same. You turn your face to the side.

“Watch where you’re going Jeon” then you gestured to his feet. Just then, he notice a very thin thread that is almost invisible to him. He carefully took his next step, doing his best not to touch the thing.

“Is that supposed to kill me?” he point his finger to the thread.

“That’s connected to a land mine” you said, voice filled with seriousness

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?! What if I didn’t stop there? I might be roasted right in this moment!” He look at you straight in the eyes, looking angry for a moment. The silence lingered in the air as the two of you seemed to have an intense staring contest going on… but what Jungkook didn’t expect was when you burst out laughing. You’re crouching down, holding your stomach and a tear took its place on the corner of your eye threatening to drop at any moment while your giggle filled the room.

“Connected to a land mine” you repeat your words from earlier while doing your best not to end up laughing again. “There’s no such thing as that Jeon. That will just alert someone down here” and then you continue your steps, ignoring Jungkook’s dumbfounded look until you’re standing in front of a room. You entered a code to open the lock on the door and upon entering the only room that seems to be gifted with colors other than gray, Jungkook saw a man slumped on one of the tables, his whole surrounding consisted of computers lined up next to each other, codes on green font appearing then disappearing on them,some computer showing the situation of each room on the building from a camera installed on the corners of it. He definitely didn’t expect any of these.

“Joon” Upon hearing his name, Namjoon jolted from his seat, almost knocking the coffee lying on his left side. Upon recognizing the source of the voice, he wiped his tired eyes, hazily grabbing the glasses on his head and repositioning it so it rests on his nose.

“Y/N” Namjoon is beaming now although you can hear the exhaustion tainting his voice.

“How’s it going?“

“Few codes and I can access his computer already. Actually I didn’t expect this to be risky. Their system is protected with a security software that would alert their main computer if someone is trying to manipulate their pseudonyms. Good thing I found out about it sooner, we almost got caught there” you hum in response, just by then, Namjoon noticed the shadow behind you, he found a nameless man looking slightly dumbfounded gazing back at him. “You didn’t tell me that you’ll be inviting a guest today. Mind if you introduce him?”

“Oh yeah. He’s Jeon Jungkook. My bodyguard” They both eyed each other. Few seconds later Namjoon decided to direct his glance at you, his left eyebrow scrunching up as if to silently ask you what’s going on.

You decided to speak again. “He asked me about the thing that he should lie to. So here it is, I’m showing him the one and only thing that he can never tell my mother because once she knew about this, it’s gonna be over for the two of us”

Fact.

“Wait” Jungkook spoke for the first time. “What exactly is this?” he gestured his hands around.

“You’ll understand this soon once Namjoon finishes his job” You threw a smile on Namjoon. Not a second later, he’s getting back to his work, hands tirelessly typing out words that even you can’t quite figure out. He worked with three computers, constantly switching from time to time.

10 minutes passed, only the sound of Namjoon slamming his fingers on the keyboard and the nonstop clicks from the mouse can be heard. You waited for 1 more minute until Namjoon decided to hit the enter button more loudly than the rest to signal the end of his reverie.  

“Off you go y/n” he removed his glasses. Lying it on his table, he turned back to you and Jungkook to flash you another smile that shows off his deep dimpled cheeks. “Lotus club. I traced the location of his phone and he’s currently there. I also hacked on the cctv of the club a few days ago and I found out he goes there often to get wasted and bring home some girl he can have a good time with on his bed. I need you to do something to get this task 75% done” he pause for a minute, his gaze switching between you and Jungkook. “We need to install something on his phone” he then pull out a small card in between his fingers.

You know what he’s implying already, you’ve done this before on one of your missions and you’re more than excited to do it again. You scurry your way to Namjoon, snatching the micro card on his fingers with a flick.

“Got it pal” then you’re off with Jungkook.

[writing-of-a-british-bitch]

In-Between Moments

Fandom: Queen/ Bohemian Rhapsody

Specified gender: Female

Pairing: Ben Hardy! Roger Taylor X reader ( can be read as actual Roger Taylor)

TW: swearing, fluffy, angst, mentions of sexual assault

Request: Can I request a fic about Famous!Reader and Roger and what it would be like to date each other?

Genre: Fluff with a sprinkle of angst

Word Count:1.3K

Requests: OPEN

A/N: This is set in the same verse as We Are The Champions - I wouldn’t class it as a part two but it takes place after what happened in that fic. Hope you enjoy. 

The in-between moments were the ones that meant the most to you. No press invading your personal space, no fans begging for you to sign something, and no artists pestering you with questions about a collab. Just you and Roger, watching some shitty romcom and eating something either of you had cooked up. No band. No recording studio. Just you and your fiancee.

"So, what are you thinking for the honeymoon?" You tilted your head up to look at Roger, his fingers pausing in your hair.

"Maybe Route 66? Y'know in America. It'd be nice to go there without touring for once." Roger leant down to place a kiss on your forehead, "But it's up to you, sweets; I'm happy as long as I'm with you."

"You're such a sap, Taylor. But, no, I like that idea. I've only been there once and was for a tour too so I was being rushed from one state to another."His hand snaked to your sides, holding you closer.

"I love you, you know that right?" Roger's lips brushed your ear as he spoke, drowning out the soft music drifting from your record player.

"I mean, I should hope so considering that we're getting married in two months." You teased, a small smile rising on his cheeks.

"'Oh yes Roger, I love you too. You're the best thing that's happened to me and you have the biggest-'"You giggled turning around and pushing your lips against his to silence him.

"You're a dork. I love you so much." You laughed, lips brushing his, wrapping your arms around him, fingers tangling in his hair.

"Love you most, darlin'."

"(Y/N)!"

"Is it true that you and Roger Taylor are getting divorced?"

"What's your opinion on Queen's recent album?"

"Are you actually pregnant?"

"Do you ever worry about Roger when he's on tour?"

The yelling made your head pound. Quickly adjusting the sunglasses on your nose, you rushed into the recording studio, gently pushing past the press. You could see Deaky through the net covering of the glass door, waiting to whisk you to Roger, shooting you a sympathetic look as the paparazzi closed in behind you. When you eventually fought your way to the door, Deaky tugged you into a tight hug. You were pissed. Sick of the paparazzi following you around and bombarding you with accusations and rumours.

"C'mon, dear, let's get you to Roger before you flip," Deaky shot a look at the flashing camera's outside the door, before silently leading you into the studio they were in, arm slung over your shoulder. Roger was in the recording booth when you entered, his angelically high voice flooding into your ears, his eyebrows furrowed, blue eyes gleaming as he concentrated on the sheet in his hands. You smiled at the golden ring that circled his ring finger on his left hand, matching the one on your own. Brian was sat on the couch, looking beyond frustrated as he strummed his guitar, Freddie and Paul sat beside him. They were exchanging hushed words. It disgusted you.

"You alright there. Bri?" You questioned, lightly tapping Brian on the shoulder, his head shooting up in surprise. Clearly, he hadn't heard you come in.

"Hello, (Y/N), how was the photoshoot?" He offered you a bright smile, his frustration slowly fading away. You caught the eyes of Paul who shot you a dirty glare, before quickly falling back into conversation with Freddie.

"It was shit. The photographer kept trying to touch my tits and my arse. And when he wasn't doing that, he was just making comments that made me uncomfortable. Then my agent lectured me for slapping him," A groan escaped your lips as you explained. Deaky began rubbing your backs sympathetically and Brian gave you a pitying look, "I'm not going to tell Roger though, he'd freak the fuck out," You added, sitting on the couch's armrest, partially leaning on Brian's shoulder.

"Maybe you should tell him- he is your husband after all," Deaky suggested as Brian shifted, placing his Red Special into the gap between himself and Freddie.

"Don't really want my husband in the headline's- 'Queen's drummer lashes out at innocent photographer'" Brian let out a snort of laughter and the bassist attempted to hide a smile behind a cough.

"Wouldn't exactly call the photographer innocent," Brian mumbled.

"Well, that's the press for you. Roger's a public menace as far as they're concerned," You chuckled, folding your legs over each other

"Still can't believe you haven't decked Roger yet," Brian let out a laugh at Deaky's remark, earning another glare from Paul.

"Bold of you to assume I haven't," You shot back, glancing at your nails with a smirk.

"That you haven't what?" Roger's voice made you jump, your head snapping in his direction. You jumped up, accidentally elbowing Brian in the side, wrapping your arms around his neck to place a delicate kiss on his lips.

"They think I haven't decked you yet," You responded and Roger allowed a laugh to slip through his lips.

"That's a stupid thought. When we first started dating, we got into a fight and I was an asshole. She floored me- broke my nose," You husband explained and the two other broke out into loud laughter as Roger pointed to the slight crook in his nose.

"Excuse me (Y/N)? If you're gonna keep distracting the boys, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave," Paul interjected, you glanced at Freddie to see what he thought but he kept his eyes down, bringing his cigarette to his lips.

"Oh heaven forbid I spend time with my husband before my recording slot, in the same building, may I remind you." You shot back sarcastically, dramatically placing the back of your hand to your forehead, fake fainting into Roger's arms. The four boys tried to stifle their giggles, though Freddie was quickly silenced when Paul glared at him. You sighed sadly at the sight before getting back on to your feet. Paul was shooting daggers at you as you continued to converse with the band until it reached the time in which you had to part to get to your recording session. You kissed Roger goodbye before placing a kiss on the cheeks of the other boys, quickly walking past Paul and slyly giving him the bird. As you went to leave, Freddie grabbed your wrist.

"If you need any of us for music, let us know darling. I'll see you soon, lovey," Freddie pressed another kiss to your cheek before quickly rushing back inside. You could already hear Paul lecturing him on managing distractions. Paul was leading Freddie down a dark path. And you were scared you'd never get your best friend back.

"This is a ton of bullshit," You growled, throwing the newspaper down onto the coffee table as you passed it on your way to the kitchen "I'm fucking married but they still want to fucking speculate about me and another man, who is also married."

Roger stayed silent as he trailed behind you, gently placing the keys back in their regular place, picking up the newspaper to throw it across the room, out of your sight.

"I know you hate it doll, but the press loves to stir drama. They probably think that I'll yell out at them for making speculations, but that's exactly what they want," Roger reasoned, walking behind you in the kitchen to wrap his arms around your waist "I'm not going to give them the satisfaction."

You let out a long breath, knowing he was right.

"It just annoys me. I'm fully aware that it's part of my life now, whether I was a singer or not, but it's not fair. Especially not for Deaky. He hates being in the papers for anything negative, "You grumbled, glaring at your shoes. Roger used a finger to nudge your head up before locking his lips with yours.

"Love, calm down. Deaky can handle himself, but you can't give the press what they want. I'm here, just focus on me, darling."Roger reassured you, resting his forehead against yours.

"This is normally the other way around." You muttered lightly, and Roger let out an airy laugh, shaking his head, blond locks tickling your neck.

"It's odd, isn't it. But seriously, love, you need to calm down. Stress isn't good for the baby."

Tags: @writingfortoomanyfandoms @metaphorical-love-for-a-car @queens-n-roses @freaky-dcaky @yourealegendfred @fierce-bab @dusthas-beenbitten   @bensroger @strangeandwonderfulconcepts @benhardyjones @silvver-rose

[angelique-of-the-volturi-guard]

My personal Kaiba Brothers Headcanons

Enjoy the feels, Kaiba Brothers Fans!

After Gozaburo died/killed himself, Kaiba fought like hell and finally succeeded in adopting his brother, fulfilling his promise to him at ten years old that he would be a father to him. The same day he adopted him, Kaiba gave Mokuba one of his Blue Eyes White Dragons so that Mokuba would always have a piece of him with him at all times. Mokuba always keeps the card in his pocket and gives it to Seto when he duels so part of him will always be in his deck.

Kaiba has PTSD. It is fairly obvious in the series, but there came a point where he had nightmares every day for a week straight, had two flashbacks in one day, and jumped three feet off of the ground at the sound of the doorbell ringing. It was Mokuba who begged him to see a doctor, and the psychiatrist gave him a diagnosis, along with some medication to take for the nightmares and depression. Kaiba takes them and feels much better afterward, but after the week of straight nightmares Mokuba insisted on sleeping with him until they stopped. And they did shortly after.

Mokuba is a hugger and a cuddler and it drives Seto crazy sometimes because he has days where his PTSD and nightmares kick in and he literally can’t stand to be touched in any way. However, Mokuba is actually the best remedy for this because he is the only one who can touch Seto and break him out of it. Anyone else who tires it is automatically fired, as one poor maid found out. Usually though, Seto enjoys the affection from Mokuba, as long as it isn’t in public.

Mokuba has only called Seto “Dad” once before the adoption ever took place. After everything that had happened in the virtual world, Mokuba had had a nightmare the night they got back. Seto of course, had come rushing in to calm him down. And Mokuba had clung to his shirt, and just as he was drifting off to sleep, whispered, “Don’t leave me, dad.”. Kaiba stayed with him all night long. And after the blimp landed, he called about those adoption papers.

Seto is actually a gifted singer. But he keeps it to himself. The only person who has ever heard him sing is Mokuba, who loves it. Their first night in the orphanage he asked Seto to sing him a lullaby, and his brother had complied. Mokuba couldn’t help thinking that he sounded like an angel. As he grew his voice deepened but it was very soothing. Mokuba had requested more lullabies over the years, and Seto had obliged him. The only time he has heard him sing outside of that is when he is deep in designing new technology, and he’ll start singing to himself without realizing. During those times, Mokuba acts as a bodyguard, and makes sure no one disturbs Seto, while getting a front row seat to a private concert.

Mokuba can draw really well. He always had a talent for it. So when Seto goes on big trips for business, Mokuba draws him something when he can’t go with him. Kaiba keeps it in his hand at all times on the plane, and only lets it go when he gets to a hotel and can hang it up. When the trip is done, the drawing goes home with him in a special album he created for Mokuba’s pictures. The first one in the album is his favorite though. It’s the Blue Eyes card Mokuba made him in Gozaburo’s house.

The Kaiba Brothers made it a point growing up not to celebrate Mother’s Day Or Father’s Day, And this continued yearly, even after Gozaburo’s adoption of them. This did not change until the first Father’s Day after Kaiba adopted Mokuba. Mokuba finally found a reason to celebrate the holiday, because he had a dad who was worthy of celebrating.

Because of the time in Noah’s virtual forest, Mokuba gets serious anxiety in forests. It is a reminder to him of the stepbrother he never really knew, and the man who adopted him just to abuse him and his brother. Whenever they get to a forest for a company field trip, or by accident, Mokuba always holds Seto’s hand. And Seto doesn’t really give a damn because if it helps Mokuba, he will do it. And if anybody stares, he just shoots them a glare so cold it turns them into human popsicles.

Seto gets separation anxiety after his brother being taken from him so many times. He gets very paranoid over Mokuba’s safety, so traveling without him is a rare occurrence. When it does happen, a few things help. Mokuba’s drawings make him feel better, and his locket helps him too. But the best thing that helps with that is when the two brothers switch their pillowcases with one another whenever this happens, so that when they go to sleep they can smell the other one as if they were right there.

Seto Kaiba designs a line of jackets that defy gravity and become a hit because come on let me dream, guys.

There came a time after Gozaburo had died where Mokuba wet the bed, and Seto personally dealt with it every time. He calmed his brother down, helped him change, and washed his pajamas and sheets himself so no one else would know. The staff at the house knew, though, not that they would ever say anything. But once Seto got to the crux of the matter, that Mokuba feared Gozaburo wasn’t dead and would take him away, the accidents disappeared and he hasn’t had any since.

Seto has personally defended Mokuba from physical abuse by Gozaburo on every occasion when he tried to make it happen. As soon as he heard Gozaburo yell, he would run to him. Seto was bruised and bloodied and beaten, but he made sure that son of a bitch never laid a hand on his baby brother.

Yugi and the gang accidentally find out about Kaiba’s PTSD when they walk in on him shaking so hard he can’t hold a pen. They Get Mokuba, Who does his usual ritual of calming Seto down by getting in his lap, forcing his arms down to his sides and hugging him. Mokuba later thinks that he may have been in the middle of a flashback during that one because he didn’t fight the hug. And Seto comes back around, and dismisses them, but Yugi and his friends (except Joey because I hate that jerk) appoint themselves as sort of guards for Kaiba where they learn the signs from Mokuba and then get him if they happen. Kaiba really hates that they know but occasionally does see the practicality of the matter when Mokuba gets to him after a bad one when he wouldn’t have known without them.

Mokuba didn’t stop sucking his thumb until they got to Gozaburo’s house, for fear of what he might do, and then picked it up again after he died. Seto tried on several occasions to break the habit but ultimately he knew his brother would stop when he was ready, and he was right. Mokuba stopped at thirteen. But on a few occasions where he was very relaxed with his brother and tired, his thumb was known to sneak it’s way back into his mouth.

Mokuba never really wanted to go into business, so he had no idea what being the Vice President Of a company would entail. He still did his job, which basically consisted of Seto giving him tasks and him executing them, but sometimes he helped with smaller details, like the way a new game is advertised, the concept art of a design, and how everything should be marketed. The day Seto found out about that was the day he knew that if Mokuba hadn’t become the VP of Kaiba Corp, he would have ended up going into Advertising and Marketing.

Seto sat Mokuba down many times to talk to him about the future, about how his life is his own and he can make whatever choices he wants. Mokuba always smiled and nodded. At first when Seto gave him that talk in the orphanage, he envisioned a future without fear and with family. But after Gozaburo died he seriously considered his path in life. Ultimately during those talks he smiled and nodded. Seto was right. He could be whatever he wanted. But what he wanted was to be right by his brother’s side.

Thanks for reading!

[hermioneisavirgo-blog]

Lover Album Review

After listening to Taylor Swift’s 18-track album all the way through, my mind is blown. I grew up with Taylor’s music, as I first heard “Fearless” when I was 12 years old and have been an avid listener ever since. I just moved into my first apartment in Minneapolis, and I am so pleased that “Lover” can be the soundtrack to the beginning of the rest of my life.

“I Forgot That You Existed” is a banger for a first track. This song emulates a different emotion than we have heard from Taylor before. The upbeat background and snaps create a foundation of optimism, goofiness, and sheer “indifference”. The lyrics are words that anybody can relate to - who hasn’t experienced that blissful feeling when you recognize that you haven’t thought of that dreaded person who shall not be named for days, or even weeks? I was instantly pulled in with this opener.

“Cruel Summer” made me fall in love even more. The beat immediately made me feel like an August night of sitting in the back of an Uber with my friends on a Friday night, windows rolled down and hair going crazy. With this track, we get our first “blue” used in the album. If you’ve listened, you know that the word “blue” appears all over the place. Taylor exemplifies the poetess in her with lines like, “Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes, and if I bleed you’ll be the last to know.”

“Lover”...what can I even say? Not much - this is first dance wedding reception material. This gives me such flashbacks to some of Taylor’s older country-esque songs, with bright-eyed excitement. I get the same feeling here as I do when I listen to “Enchanted” or “Hey Stephen”. However, in contrast to those songs, here she is taking control and stands in a pool of her own confidence as she boldly professes that she has grown and made strides from her days of hopelessly pining for men who weren’t really worth her time.

“The Man”. Okay. Thank you so much for this, Taylor. Made me think of “If I Were a Boy” by Beyonce. This is infused with the feeling of being “tired and angry” like “somebody should be”, which is how Halsey describes similar feelings of being bothered how the lowly boys of this world seem to get whatever the heck they want. You really would be the man, Taylor. Think, for real, as she’s even said in interviews: if she were a man writing songs about even the shortest of flings, that would never be considered taboo and worthy of shaming. This is made evident by the thousands of male singer-songwriters who do just that and are widely accepted.

“The Archer” gave me “Red” album vibes, but that’s just me. “I hate my reflection for years and years...” really got me. From the very beginning of this song, the underlying line grows steadily. It almost feels like one of those never-ending videos where the tone appears to be increasing but never really does...gave me a sense of infinity. Very lush, injected with an emotional pen as she recalls different perspectives from different lovers and relationships.

“I Think He Knows” made me want to DANCE. And I did. A lot. The beat is almost hip-hop club-ish with the bass. It seemed like such an interesting song in contrast to “I Know Places”, from “1989″, which has a haunting sound and alludes to the idea that it’s hard for Taylor to ever feel like she has privacy with her private life. With this song, she isn’t focused on the people looking in at her life, but instead she delves into that private relationship. It makes me feel like she is caring less and less about what people see and what people know. She’s just LIVING her life.

And now, we have reached my favorite song of the album. Thanks for this one, Taylor. Seriously. “Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince” doesn’t even sound like any “type” of Taylor we’ve heard before. With the very beginning notes, I called it that I would cry by the end of this. The first verse immediately made me picture the “You Belong With Me” music video with the band uniform and prom dress. Taylor portrays two different sides of a coin in that video, and I feel a bit of that in this song. I really hope she does a music video of this song. I have always loved her more haunting melodies, particularly in the “Red” album (or in “Dancing With Our Hands Tied” - the most underrated song on "reputation”), but this took it to an entirely new level. I am OBSESSED.

“Paper Rings” is so playful, and a great mental break after processing the absurd depth in the previous song. Gave me “Stay, Stay, Stay” vibes. She sound so jovial and happy in this song, and I am so glad to hear her this way.

“Cornelia Street” is one of the fully Taylor Swift-composed songs on the album. This type of song I see myself rocking out to as I power walk down the street in autumn. In the lyrics, she talks about how losing this love would be devastating to the point of taking eternity to heal from. It is a familiar feeling, when you are in so deep with someone who you feel has become a part of you, impermeably and forever.

“Death By a Thousand Cuts” starts off by explaining just what she means. “Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts...” which is an interesting line to hear right after “Cornelia Street”, which invests in the narrative that saying goodbye would be an impossible feat after experiencing connection this strong. The instruments in this song are layered (clear guitar at the beginning with shuffling beats that come in and even something that sounds like a harpsichord??) and even though the message is a painful one, this baroque-poppy feel makes me want to DANCE MORE. But maybe with a lot of moves that make it look like I am in excruciating pain lol.

“London Boy”’s beat is fire flame. It’s a give-in that this song is about Joe Alwyn and as someone who has seen “The Favourite”, I can attest to the dimples and the accent. It’s clear her relationship is not only a a deep love, but also lots of fun, adventure, stepping outside her comfort zone, and recognizing that she can find home in someone who doesn’t live in her own backyard (*ahem* “White Horse”).

“Soon You’ll Get Better” (feat. Dixie Chicks) is simply beautiful. Reminiscent of her country days, as well. Reminds me of “Never Grow Up”. Since the speculation is that this song is about her mother, I find it poignant and very “Taylor” that it’s track 12. “The Best Day” is also track 12 on “Fearless” and was always one of my favorites. Underneath the main message of trying to find comfort in a super tough and scary time, I find that Taylor is enunciating the idea that she is growing up and things will change in her relationship to her parents no matter what. That’s just the way of life. Very moving.

“False God” begins with a sexy little saxophone riff. Shortly after, we get to hear that poetic line she teased on her Spotify playlist: “And I can’t talk to you when you’re like this...staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town - I’m New York City!” The message with this song gives me a “bigger picture” sense. Even though she is making references to heaven and hell within interactions with her lover, I can also view the “times like this” that “they warned us about” as the times we are living in now: terrifying and unclear with a leader who professes division and tearing down much more than love and building up. 

“You Need To Calm Down” is by far the single that I listened to the most before the album dropped. As a queer woman who “passes” as a “straight” cis woman and who took a very long time to admit to herself and others the truth, this song greatly boosted my confidence in Taylor as she opens up about where she stands, loudly and proudly. And that beat is so VIBRANT and fun.

At the start of “Afterglow”, we get yet ANOTHER use of “blue”. (There are lots that I didn’t mention, but it just is so prominent here.) This is a beautiful, lush, apology song in which Taylor unveils how deeply she wants her lover to stay despite her shortcomings and miscommunications. I felt this one hard and wish I could play it for a lot of my ex-best friends.

“ME!” (feat. Brendon Urie of Panic! At The Disco) is colorful, glorious, confident, cheerful, and is something that I could see being played at a pep rally. The message is clear: being yourself will ultimately win you every prize that is yours to win. Whether that be a lover or whatever your heart desires!! This is a truth I have come to realize recently. It’s a hard, treacherous lesson, and I feel that Taylor is showing that she’s finally finding out what it means to be truly herself with this tune.

“It’s Nice To Have A Friend” is the cutest song Taylor has ever written and recorded, by far. I think I hear steel pan in the background, adding to the layered sound of playfulness. That trumpet in the middle is so triumphant and an interesting addition to the dynamic! It feels very innocent and loving, maybe she wrote this with her cats in mind :)

“Daylight” is a gorgeous closing track. As this wraps up the album, it is quite clear that Taylor feels like she can breathe more deeply now that she has met, known, and loved her lover. It appears that everything has changed, and she can see much more clearly. This song made me think of “Clean” from “1989″, due to the notion that she is leaving the darkness and fogginess and entering a world where she feels fresh and sees everything clearly. Her lover is obviously a wonderful match for her spunky, stoked, sensitive, Sagittarius self. “You are what you love.” What a precious way to close my favorite new album.

Overall - Taylor’s “Lover” incorporates many familiar Taylor sounds while also introducing lots of new things we’ve never heard. From the lush synths in “Cruel Summer” to Cautious Clay’s influence in “London Boy”, it is clear that Taylor has crafted something that signifies a new era for her. As she turns 30 at the end of this year, she has seven studio albums to be extremely proud of. Thank you, Taylor, for being such a strong beam of light as I navigated high school hallways, college parties, and the ups and downs of falling in love.

[boy-banders-writings]

I’d be lyin’ - Yuto(da)

Group: Pentagon Member: Adachi Yuto aka giant soft bean aka one of my undoings Genre: angsty-fluff? Requested! Can I just say I love your writing so much and you’re literally so amazing at writing Pentagon stuff!!!!!!!! May I request like a friends/frenemies to lovers type thing with Yuto? Seriously love you so much. Thanks!!!!! Prompt: “I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you.” Length: short|medium|long|idk man

For as long as you could remember your relationship with Adachi Yuto was a strange one. You had been friends forever it seemed, but the two of you were total opposites. You expressed yourself well, verbally and nonverbally. Yuto always knew what was going on in your head because it was written on your face. Him, not so much. He was blank probably 80% of the time, which often left you frustrated because he didn’t communicate with you that well. Getting him to explain his thoughts or feelings was like pulling teeth, he made it difficult. On top of that, the two of you were constantly in an unspoken competition in everything, from art projects to quizzes to overall grades. The two of you even had dumb little competitions all through out high schools, sometimes ending the two of you in detentions (but other than those few times you two were model students).

The main obstacle in your friendship was the communication or the lack there of sometimes, it made good moments of communication few and far between. You’ll never forget the time you spent a month putting together a photo album for him when he mentioned he may be leaving for Seoul to audition for a company or two. A whole month of your time went towards documenting your friendship from grade school till now. Hundreds of paper cuts later and the most Yuto gave you in response was a smile and a quiet thank you. You showed him how hurt you were by his lack of enthusiasm by bursting into tears, even if you hated how easily you broke down.

You weren’t expecting a whole spectacle but you’d spent so much time, printing and gluing pictures in order, writing captions under each picture filled with thoughts and memories, lots of personalizations for everything. If he was moving away and you couldn’t go with him, you at least wanted him to take apart of you with him. He felt so bad because he just didn’t know at the time how to express how much the photo album meant to him. He had to leave just minutes after receiving it and seeing you crying like that killed him. He hugged you close and apologized for being awful at expressing himself but he had to go and that he’d call once he was settled.

That first week apart while Yuto was in Seoul auditioning was the toughest week of your life, not that you’d ever admit it to him, but it killed you. You never realized how much you relied on and turned to Yuto for. You knew he was busy preparing for his audition and the multiple rounds he may have to face when he got through the initial round so you didn’t want to bother him. But you wanted to send him some sort of message.

After an internal struggle you settled for a quick encouraging message telling him not to be nervous, that he had this and you were rooting for him. The messages kept coming from you every other day during the second and third week. He replied back here and there usually after you were asleep but he still kept you up to date on things. The fourth week, he was so busy you got a total of two replies, the last one an apology for being MIA lately, to which he said he’d explain soon.

It would be a month exactly before he finally contacted you other than Kakaotalk and you were fighting to hide your excitement when your phone started ringing.

“Yah!” You answered your phone. “It took you long enough.”

“So you’re up, are you dressed?”

“It’s after noon, of course I’m up.” You scoffed. “And I am, why?”

“Come outside, I’m waiting.” You turned in your chair in front of your desk and peered out your window. Sure enough he was standing on the sidewalk in front of your apartment.

“That’s a little weird ya know.” You joked, the excitement of seeing him making your insides jump around. “Why, you best be paying if I’m leaving my house today.”

“Just get out here already before I change my mind.”

You wanted to smack him when you realized he hung up after that but nonetheless you quickly threw a sweater over your tee and ran to slip on your tennis shoes. Thankful you left your keys and purse in the kitchen from your early morning grocery shopping. Catching your breath, you exited your place locking the door behind you and turning to find Yuto waiting for you with a smile.

“Got this for you.” He handed you your favorite drink from the local cafe, you noticed he was sipping on his own drink. “I figured we needed a day together.”

“Lucky for you I had no real plans.” You elbowed him lightly and headed towards the town. The outlet mall was your normal spot and you figured that was his plan.

Yuto walked beside you, the two of you sipping on your drinks quietly. The quiet was a comfortable quiet you hadn’t realized you had missed with him being gone. Just the two of you walking side-by-side, enjoying the other’s presence. You looked over at him, his hair was a bit longer and styled off his forehead and the bags under his eyes were definitely bigger than when he left. He was dressed nicer too, not in his usual jeans and a tee, he was sporting ripped black jeans, with a jacket over a hoodie. Everything matched which was a nice surprise. You hadn’t realized he’d been casually checking you out too, making sure you were okay.

“How have things been?” You broke the silence.

“I’ve been good, busy but good.” He really looked at you again, “What about you?”

“Well, I moved out but you knew that.” You shrugged, “My parents were getting to be too much. That was stressful, but I started a new job. How cliche is it that I’m working at a cafe in the city.” You joked.

“It’s not cliche, it’s fitting actually.” He smiled down at the coffee in hand. “A barista cafe or a cafe with lots of food and baked goods?”

“Food and baked goods.” You chuckled. “We serve lots of different drinks too. But it’s not like a Starbucks, more mom and pop type of shop.” 

“Definitely fitting. You’re such a people person.” His elbow bumped yours. “It’s always been one of the things I love about you.” The last part was quiet.

“Just one?” You joked, moving to lock your arm with his. “What else do you love?”

You almost missed the way his cheeks flared before he cleared his throat.

“I love how you always wear what you want regardless of anyone’s opinions on the matter. I love that you always stood your ground with your parents and spoke your mind. I love that you have to have your coffee as almost half sugar because you hate the bitter taste. I love that your face scrunches up when you laugh really hard, it’s really cute. I love that you follow your heart but you’ve always considered the consequences before jumping into things. I love that you’ve been my best friend your years, my rock, my support, my counselor.” He chuckled to himself, and peeked up at you for a second. “I love that you’ve always stood beside me through everything, I wouldn’t be where I am without you. I just love you.”

The way those three words felt was different than all the other times. Those three words felt heavy but light, warm but a little cold. Those three words felt just right but oh so wrong.

You looked up at him to see his full attention on you. Your heart picked up in pace, you felt like it would pop out of your chest. The warmth of your coffee was seeping into your chilled hands but your cheeks were much warmer. You turned to face him fully and worked to even out your expression.

“Yah, stop lying this isn’t the time to mess with me.” You frowned, watching his face contort into something resembling bewilderment before turned forward and moving again.

“I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you.” Yuto stuttered as he grabbed your wrist and stopped you. “Why would I lie about that?” 

His eyebrows furrowed together while you still faced away from him. You didn’t want him to see the tears, you didn’t know why you started crying. You couldn’t tell if they were happy tears before Yuto loved you, like loved you. Taking a quick shaky breath and using your fingers that were wrapped about the cup to dab at your cheeks you turned to face him.

“Really?” You watched him nod, his expression nervous. “You’re just going to drop this on me after getting into the company?”

“How’d you know?” His nervousness turned to confusion.

“I’m your number one supported.” You smiled weakly, “I follow the company’s twitter and saw the list of new trainees that passed.”

“I wanted to tell you sooner actually, but it felt cruel to tell you before I left.”

“It’s kind of cruel either way ya know.” Your wrist slipped out of his grasp enough for your hand to rest in his. “But I can’t lie and say I haven’t felt that way about you for a quite a while.” You shyly confessed, turning away from him and tugging him behind you.

“Should we do what they always do in movies?” You paused at Yuto’s question.

“And what exactly would that be?” 

“There’s always two things.” He smiled, pulling your paused smaller frame into his arms. “One, (Y/N) will you be my girlfriend? Officially and all that.”

“Yes I guess.” You tried to play off your excitement. “What’s the second?”

“Two, this.” He leant down and kiss your lips. It was soft, sweet and too short in all honesty.

“Ah, that was my favorite part.” You reddened at your brash words before hiding your face into his chest. “Kill me now.” 

“Can’t kill my girlfriend, that would be dumb.” He smiled lovingly down at you in his arms. “But I can treat you to a nice meal and then we can go back to your place and I can kick you ass at any video game.”

“You started out so strong and finished so bad.” You teased. “But you’re on boyfriend.”

“We’re gross.” His fingers curled up.

“Agreed.” You locked your fingers with his and continued on. “But it’s okay because we’re cute.” You shrugged which earned a Yuto chuckle.

“If I win will you clean my apartment?” Your cute request came with a pout and puppy eyes.

“Only if you’ll do my laundry if I win.”

“Now you’re pushing it.” You rolled your eyes, relishing in the feel of his hand encasing yours.

What a turn things had taken huh.

[jeichanhaka]

And Carried Me Away: Ch. 16

Author Note: Sorry about not updating lately, I’ll try to get back to writing more frequently to this fanfic.

Previous Chapter                                                        Next Chapter

Chapter 16:

"All right. Hopefully that will help find this Bryce Samuels." Cam muttered as she returned to the investigation area of the station, Tara not far behind. The two of them had just finished up a press release after a database search into the suspect, whose name Hotch got from James, yielded no results. "I can't believe Garcia couldn't find anything on him."

"Well, he was one of the children in Somerfield's institute. It's possible Somerfield used aliases for his 'patients' in any records he kept." Tara replied, shutting the door behind them. "Hotch did get a description from James, but it was from over twenty years ago when the two were thirteen."

Cam grumbled, her heterochromatic eyes livid. "I can't believe this. We have all of his files, but can't find out what we need."

Tara grimaced and nodded, her arms crossed. The moment Hotch had given the team a name to look into as a possible unsub, Garcia had did an extensive search into Bryce, including the files they'd taken from Somerfield. It didn't take long for the tech analyst to discover that on top of giving each subject of his an alias, Somerfield had also obscured or falsified their personal information. Ages and dates were all changed.

The only thing he kept were records of the experiments he did, which horrifyingly were done to many of those at his institute. Not just James. And most were experiments repeated on multiple victims. Multiple times.

"If..." Cam started to say, only to be interrupted by Tara's phone ringing. The latter quickly answered it after a glance at the display.

"Yes, Morgan? What..." Tara paused, eyes narrowing in thought as she listened. "Yes. All right. We'll meet you there."

"What is it?" Cam asked after the older woman hung up.

"Jersey police just found a body of an unidentified woman, enucleated and stabbed in the spine. She was killed and dumped recently."

"Is it Melissa Joyce?"

"If it is then the unsub could be escalating. He kept Olivia Sutters for weeks. He barely had Melissa a day." Tara replied, the two of them already heading out to meet up with the rest of the team.

"Yes. We're fine. Jemma and Alsie are picking out some ice cream." Spencer glanced towards his sister and niece, his cell phone pressed to his ear. He pulled a face, a tentative frown tugging his lips. "I know...we got a late start. There was...but things are fine now. What about the case? Has the unsub been found?"

-"Not yet." Rossi cocked an eyebrow at the shift he heard in the younger agent's voice, and the false start Spencer made. "Are you sure everything's all right? Did something happen? Did Alsie...?"-

Spencer grimaced, instinctively wanting to keep quiet about what had happened. It took a glance at Jemma and the concern in Rossi's voice as he repeated his question for Spencer to re-realize that the other man deserved to know. Jemma was Rossi's granddaughter and Alsie had almost become his daughter-in-law.

-"Reid..."-

"Sorry. Alsie shifted to an alter earlier and...well, it delayed us getting to the park. Jemma had a tantrum because of it." Spencer gave a demure smile as he kept his gaze on his niece. The full, wide-eyed, grin the toddler gave when Alsie handed her a small, soft serve vanilla ice cream cone covered in sprinkles made him smile more.

"Jem, not like..." Alsie chuckled as Jemma started eating the ice cream with her hands, scooping it up with her fingers and putting it in her mouth. Alsie shook her head quietly and picked up her sundae, before leading Jemma back towards the bench Spencer was standing beside.

Spencer shook his head as Alsie started to ask him if he was sure he didn't want one. "I don't do too good with dairy products."

"Ah. All right." Alsie mumbled, turning her attention to her sundae after helping Jemma onto the bench. The toddler continued devouring her ice cream, her fingers and chin becoming an increasingly sticky mess. Alsie smiled at her daughter and then started eating her sundae, scooping it with the spoon it came with.

-"It sounds like everyone's having fun." Rossi grinned as he spoke, the genuine laughter he heard from the other end alleviating his concerns.-

"Yeah." Spencer chortled, watching as Alsie broke from her resolve to let Jemma eat as she pleased and gave the girl her spoon.

"Here. Use this. Not your hands. Please." Alsie sighed and glanced toward the ice cream vender, wondering if she should get another spoon. As well as some napkins.

"Sorry, Rossi." Spencer apologized, his lips twitching as Jemma gave back the spoon to Alsie. "I got distracted."

-"No problem. Just take some photos of my adorable granddaughter so I can add them to the album I started." He paused, thinking about something. "We need to get you a phone with a newer camera."-

Spencer blinked and shook his head. "What's wrong with the phone I have now? I like it. It works just fine, it calls, texts, and takes pictures. I don't need a new one."

-"...kid." Rossi sighed. "The picture quality of your phone is just...not the greatest. Besides you can't really record video on it either. Jemma deserves the best quality of photo and video."-

Spencer made a face, twisting his lips. It wasn't that he disagreed with Rossi's comment about Jemma, but rather the idea of upgrading his phone. Most if not all of the phones with better cameras were smart phones with touch screens. He hated touch screens.

-"...it's all right, kid. I was joking." Rossi replied with a chuckle after realizing what Spencer's silence meant. "Alsie has a smart phone so you or her can use that." He paused a moment, listening to Spencer grumble about newer technology and how addictive it can be for people. He waited until the younger man was done grumbling. "All right. I get it. Anyway there's another reason I called, aside from checking up on Jemma."-

"...What is it?" Spencer asked, glancing at Alsie and Jemma briefly before turning away to focus on the call.

-"...Hotch found out something that the team needs to hear. He didn't elaborate, but said it was important." Rossi took in a breath, rubbing his chin as he recalled Hotch's call. The younger man had seemed perturbed by something he'd learned, and Rossi was sure it had to do with James. Hotch had just gotten done with an interview with James after all. He couldn't help wondering what it was Hotch had learned, what James may have told him.-

"Rossi, I..." Spencer started, but quickly stopped, his eyes widening after returning to his sister and niece. The wheezing coming from the latter terrifying him. He quickly flew to the bench, his eyes widening at hives marring his niece's skin. "Jemma!"

Alsie trembled, panicking. Her frightened and wide eyes searching Spencer's face before locking once more on her daughter. She was unable to speak, and simply panicked, her heart thumping wildly in her chest.

Spencer, recognizing the symptoms of severe allergic reaction, quickly hung up on Rossi. The very next moment calling for an ambulance.

New Jersey:

The sky overhead a deepening crimson as sunset inched nearer, police cars surrounded the area leading to the dumpsite. It was a wooded area, with biking and hiking trails leading along and from the road that curved through the area. The trees were many and a lush of green, part of a lovely, non-urban landscape.

It was not a place used to homicide, nor the disposal of corpses. That was evidenced by the reporters and onlookers trying to see what the commotion was about. To see why so many police were around in an area that was considered safe.

Cold eyes peered at the flashing lights, their owner standing quietly among the gaggle of onlookers. Dressed in worn jeans and a slate-gray hoodie, he studied the officers coming and going while blending in with the crowd.

"What's happened?" One of the onlookers asked another, trying to see some hint of what was beyond the police barricade.

"Don't know. Heard someone say there was a dead body. A woman."

"What? Seriously? Do you think she was killed?" The first asked, turning to her friend. Her eyes widened and lit with morbid interest. "Do you think it could be another of the copycat murders? Like it mentioned on the News?"

"Weren't the other ones found closer to Newark? Why would one be found here?"

The man with the cold eyes crept away, a twitch of his lip the only indication that he'd heard the two friend's conversation.

"'And now we roam, in sovereign wood, and now we hunt the doe...'" Bryce whispered as he sauntered off, his thin lips itching to form a sneer.

It was as he walked off, not yet outside of the crowd, that he emptied his hoodie's pocket. A parcel, unremarkable enough not to be noticed amid the draw towards the police lights, but of enough girth to eventually be seen. And felt.

Bryce smirked slightly, really just a twitch of his lips, as he continued on. His cold eyes, catching sight of a black SUV driving towards the site cordoned off with police tape, gleamed. He watched it disappear behind the gaggle of onlookers before resuming his walk.

-Flashback-

-"Yes, I understand. You were hoping to find her or the family, but you knew from the beginning that it was a long shot." The man spoke, handing over a quarter-inch stack of papers to him. "There isn't any proof that a switch happened, or that this Crawford family is connected. Mr. Reid...It's been years, any trail, if there's one to be found, has likely grown cold. The agency you hired before has a great reputation, if they didn't find a trail back then, it's unlikely any will be found now."

"I...that's..." William sighed and begrudgingly took the papers, his blurry gaze shifting to the top page. He blinked until his tired eyes were clear, the sliver of hope he had diminishing.

"I suggest you deal with the likelihood that your daughter wasn't switched and move on." The man waited, watching as his client nodded though with more weariness than just moments ago.

"Yes. Maybe you're right. I should...thank you for your time Mr. Cutler..."

x

William Reid glowered at his steering wheel, his increasingly livid gaze shifting to the sign on the front of the building across from him. He squeezed his steering wheel as he read the name of the law offices. C. J. Cutler. The lawyer who drew up Mary Schmidt's will.

William scowled and took a deep breath, his eyes flitting to the folder he'd lain open on the passenger seat. The folder he had kept during his search for Alsie, the folder containing all the reports filed by the detective agencies he hired.

His jaw taut and eyes narrowed, he picked up the papers and folder before exiting his car. Though it was getting late, his detour to visit James at Alsie's behest having taken up a chunk of the day, he refused to wait longer.

Midway in shutting his car door, his cell phone rang. His narrowed, angry eyes widened with concern seeing Alsie's number and name on the display.

"Hello? Elsie, what's...?" William paled as he listened to his daughter, her voice terrified and what she was saying terrifying. Though he honestly only heard 'Jemma' and 'hospital.' "Which hospital? Whi...don't worry. It'll be all right. I'm on my way." William reassured Alsie, returning to his car without another thought.

[ragsandmuffins]

Musical Theatre Themed Ask

Okay, I’m gonna answer... all of these! (Because I have a paper to write and zero motivation. And also: musicals.)

Oh, and by the way, I’m going to assume that every “Broadway” is a “Broadway/West End” because Tumblr is a free platform.

1. What was the first musical you saw?

Mary Poppins, West End, 2006 (not 100% sure about the year)

2. What musical got you really  into theatre?

Les Misérables - saw the film, started stalking the actors, you know how it goes.

3. Who was your first Broadway crush?

Aaron Tveit (he’s the main one) and Samantha Barks - like I said, stalking the Les Mis actors...

4. Name three of your current Broadway crushes.

Um... still Aaron Tveit? Plus Rob Houchen (Les Mis London) and Cleve September (In the Heights London and soon Hamilton London) - Also, I get “talent crushes” not physical attraction crushes.

5. Name four of your dream roles.

Only 4? Natalie Goodman, Enjolras, Maureen Johnson, and HERCULES MULLIGAN!!

(I can’t sing, act, or dance, nor am I a man, so...)

6. Favourite off-broadway show:

Heathers and The Last Five Years

7. Favourite cast recording.

Gotta be Hamilton, it’s just such a well-produced album. Bonus points for including nearly the entire show.

8. 2013 Tony opening number or 2016 Tony opening number?

2012? The Book of Mormon thing is just pure gold!

9. Favourite show currently on Broadway.

Broadway: I guess Hamilton - There are way too few that I actually know.

West End: Les Misérables forever!

10. A musical that closed and you’re still bitter about. Rant a bit.

In the Heights London! Though I can’t really complain, they extended their initially run several times and now they’ve cast my amazing Sonny as Laurens/Philip, so... But it was just so good!!

11. Best stage to screen adaptation?

Les Misérables. Controversial, I know, but I usually kind of hate movie musicals. With this one they did something new and different and I think it works. The Last Five Years is pretty good too, though it lost a lot in the adaptation (couldn’t be avoided).

12. Worst  stage to screen adaptation?

Rent. I’m sorry, I love the show, I love the cast, but it all feels so staged and wrong and meh. Also, they cut Goodbye Love and left in fucking Santa Fé which adds exactly nothing to the plot!!

13. Favourite #ham4ham?

Gotta be the Schuyler Georges, but there have been so many great ones...

14. A musical you would love to see produced by Deaf West?

Oh, tricky... Maybe Next to Normal? That has a lot to do with people holding things in and failing to see each others’ struggles.

15. If you could revive any musical, which one would it be and who would you cast in it?

Not exactly a revival, but bring Next to Normal to the West End already! That show’s got a sodding Pulitzer. And London’s only a 2 hour flight away from where I live, not a transatlantic one, so I might actually be able to go see it.

Oh, and give Spring Awakening another chance, West End. Maybe adapt some American Sign Language into British Sign Language and...?

Also, maybe revive Rent, Broadway? (And cast Aaron Tveit as Roger... please?)

16. If you could go to a concert at the 54 below, who’s would it be?

That list would be waaaaaayyy too long...

17. Do you watch broadway.com vlogs? Which one is your favourite?

I’ve seen a few, but I don’t really watch them on a regular basis, so no favourites...

18. Make a Broadway related confession.

I really, really hate South Pacific. It was part of our American drama syllabus, as an example of a musical. Quite apart from the fact that I think it’s a godawful, sort of racist and sexist show (it’s from the 40s, go figure), it displays LITERALLY EVERY cliché about musicals!

19. What do musicals mean to you?

Hard to say... Apart from hours and hours of ALL the emotions, some awesome internet buddies (looking at you, @frei-und-schwerelos), I’ve got generally more interested in and knowledgable about theatre, which is a great asset when you study English. Musicals have also introduced me to a wide range of music I wouldn’t normally listen to and so many talented people I wouldn’t have known about otherwise...

20. Express some love for understudies and swings!

Okay here goes: I went to see the West End production of Memphis because of Killian Donnelly and then he unexpectedly wasn’t on that night - bummer. But then Jon Robyns just knocked it out of the part (and I only ever listened to Avenue Q and Spamalot because I watched clips of him when he was in those shows).

My first Thénardier was Adam Pearce and his version of “It was me wot told you so...” is the funniest one I’ve ever heard (he kind of went “No? Sorry, fair enough.”).

The second time I saw the show Adam Bayjou was Valjean and his Bring Him Home was one of the best I’ve ever heard (effortless high notes).

Also, Charlotte Kennedy was Cosette that time (she’s principal Cosette now) and her performance was so incredibly sweet! (She also brought some brunette power into the sea of blond that were Marius and Éponine.)

And Jordan Lee Davies was Bamatabois both times and he was great!

Oh, and my Christine from Phantom was the wonderful Lisa-Anne Wood.

21. Best Disney musical:

Mary Poppins - My first ever musical, fond memories, I still wear the Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious shirt my dad bought me (11 years ago... didn’t fit then, fits now).

22. Which Disney movie should be made into a musical?

Uh, I don’t know. Tangled’s funny...

23. Which musical fandom has the funniest memes?

Hamilton and Les Mis. I mean, the Les Mis/Mean Girls crossovers alone...

24. Name a character from a musical you would sort into your Hogwarts house.

Well, the test sorted me into Hufflepuff (great house), but I know that I am a Ravenclaw (and, as we know, the hat listens to you). Okay, Ravenclaw... maybe Melchior from Spring Awakening?

25. Name a Broadway star you would sort into your Hogwarts house.

Ugh, that’s even harder! Sorry, no clue.

26. Best on stage chemistry?

Hmm from what I’ve seen live, Rob Houchen and Carrie Hope Fletcher were pretty darn amazing together.

From what I haven’t seen live, Jennifer Damiano and Adam Chanler-Berat, and Justin Johnston and Michael McElroy seemed fantastic.

27. A Broadway duo you love.

I’m gonna say Jonathan Groff and Lin-Manuel Miranda, but I’m not sure I understand the question...

28. What book, tv show, movie, biography, video game, etc. should be turned into a musical?

Umm... I don’t know. Supernatural sort of is a musical... A Lord of the Rings musical in the style of A Very Potter Musical might be fun. The Fellowship of the Sing? I’ll show myself out.

29. If you could make a jukebox musical, what artist or genre would you pick?

I doubt many people know her but: Vienna Teng. For three reasons (aside from me liking her songs): 1. Her songs tell stories. 2. She often writes from the perspective of “characters.” 3. Her songs are actual poetry!

30. Favourite role played by _________________?

I don’t get it. What am I supposed to put here?

31. What musical has made you cry the most?

I don’t actually cry often at musicals (internally I do), but It’s Quiet Uptown from Hamilton got me bad the first time. And I once listened to Next to Normal when I was already feeling like shit - bad idea! (Don’t listen to There’s a World when you kind of want there to not be a world, kids...)

32. What musical has made you laugh the most?

Probably Avenue Q and Something Rotten

33. Current showtune stuck in you head:

Well, you just put Hard to Be the Bard in my head!

34. A musical that has left you thinking about life for a long time or deeply inspired you.

Les Misérables... I haven’t spent a single week without thinking about that show (or, indeed, the book) since early 2013.

Next to Normal also gave me a lot to think about.

I keep discovering new little bits of genius in Hamilton lyrics. Also, I’m writing a paper on the early US for the second time in under a year and characters from Hamilton (otherwise know as historical figures) keep popping up. Seriously, I’m writing about the Whiskey Rebellion and every time I read Hamilton’s name my brain goes PAY YOUR FUCKING TAXES!

I’ve also thought quite a bit about Heathers and The Last Five Years, because both of them have had productions where they genderbended (genderbent?) a main character, which made me think about how it changes the story and why.

35. If you could perform any ensemble number , which one would you pick?

“If you could...” Are you implying that I don’t?! Come on, any theatre geek who claims never to have done a solo rendition of One Day More is definitely lying! Oh, and I rapped myself all the way through One Shot the other day and made only one mistake - one that Lin’s made before, so I’m proud!

36. Name a musical you didn’t like at first but ended up loving.

I don’t think that’s really happened... There have been shows where I thought “What in the holy hell is this?!” and ended up loving it. I mean, what in the holy hell is Avenue Q?!

37. What are some costumes you’d love to try on?

Give me that red vest! Also, let me play Enjolras! Yes, I know I’m a woman and can only hit that low “foooorm” when I’ve got a really bad cold, but fuck all that!

I’d also really like to try on Elphaba’s Act II dress, because it’s epic!

38. Favourite dance break.

Hmmm... I don’t really have one? The one in Cool and the ballet in Somewhere where they sort of replay what’s happened are pretty amazing (both West Side Story).

39. Favourite Starkid musical:

A Very Potter Musical is the only one I know... Sorry...

40. What’s a musical more people should know about?

Well, where I live, most people have heard of Cats, Phantom, and Mamma Mia and that’s about it.

But in general, I’ve never met anyone who’s even heard of Assassins (although many people who have met me have now heard everything about Assassins - I’m that kind of person).

41. What are some lines from musicals you really like?

Okay, this is gonna take a while...

"Can you remind me of what it was like at the top of the world?” (In the Heights)

“Oh, my friends, my friends, don’t ask me what your sacrifice was for.” (Les Misérables - internal Niagara Falls!)

“Here, put some hail into the chief.” (Assassins)

“But the sky’s gonna hurt when it falls. So you’d better start building some walls.” (Heathers)

“I’m not mad that you got mad when I got mad when you said I should go drop dead!” (Tick, Tick... Boom!)

“My God, in God we trust, but we never really know what God discussed.” (Hamilton)

“What doesn’t kill me doesn’t kill me.” (Next to Normal)

And just for fun: “Honest living, honest living, honest living, honest living,...” (Rent)

42. Name a Tony performance you rewatch and rewatch.

In the Heights, Next to Normal, Hamilton, and Spring Awakening (both versions).

[mintyvan]

#8

Lovedrunk

This is a two parter!

Prompt: a salty pairing of Van and the reader find out the other is back in their small town for the holidays six and a half years after the breakup that led him to write a number of songs for the first album (think Kathleen, Outside, etc). Drunk arguing in the bar. It can only end badly.

_______

"You're drunk." It's the first thing you notice as you walk in the old bar owned by Lou, a mutual friend’s father, finding him sitting at one of the tables, an almost empty bottle in front of him.

"No kidding." He sighs, leaning his head back, his hands rubbing his temples softly.

You'd been avoiding each other all day.

"Mary is worried about you."

"That's new." He snorts, opening his eyes again, trying to focus them on the glass. "She's really going for the mother of the year title, isn't she?"

"Van, don't be a bastard. Get up, drink some water, sleep it off and pretend you don't hate being here for a few more hours tomorrow."

"Why'd they send you, anyway?" He looks at you, ignoring your order, picking up his glass in the same movement. Fluid, despite the alcohol making his head spin. "I mean of all the people…"

"I was the only one sober enough to drive over. Well, me or Abby, but I figured that wouldn't have ended well." You lie.

"Appreciate it." Shrugging, he pours more alcohol in his glass. "Have a drink with me."

"Not planning to, sorry."

"Why not?"

"Akhil's waiting."

"Fuck. Forgot about him." Shaking his head, he downs almost half the liquid in one smooth move. "Never could stay away from your exes, could you?"

"Fuck you." You hiss, body moving toward the door. Realizing what you were doing, he jumps out of the chair, commanding his body to listen as he moves swiftly in front of you.

"Don't."

"I made sure you're alive, I'm done here."

"Why do you hate me so much, huh?" He looks into your eyes, emotionless. "I mean, honestly, you're no fucking Snow White in our story. You don't really have a place to come from being this angry with me."

"I don't hate you." You shake your head. "I just don't want to drink with you."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't, ok? Insulting me and digging up the past not good enough reasons for you?" Trying to push past him, you sigh when he steps in front of you again.

"One drink."

"No."

"Half a drink?" He offers, an awkward half smile on his face and you feel your defenses melting away. Remembering the other reasons why you'd volunteered to check up on him, you nod your head, starting to unbutton your coat.

"I don't care if you have to crawl, you're walking me back to the B&B."

"Not staying at your mother's?"

"She and Akhil don't get along." You shrug again, heading behind the counter, looking for a glass.

"Bottom shelf, to your left." Van points out and you give a small smile of gratuity, putting it on the counter.

"Tell me at least you have some ice to mix that with."

"There should be some in the kitchen."

"Thanks."

Sitting down at the table a few moments later, you try to pick up the bottle but he takes it first, filling the glass up.

"Best thing about people not knowing what to get you for Christmas - they just get you booze."

Your lips tightening as you force a smile, you try not to think of the state Akhil must be in.

"Sorry." He apologizes, the change in your attitude not unnoticed.

"Forget about it." You pick up the glass, shaking your head before you empty half of it, hoping for numb abandon. "How's the band?"

"Good. Busy. The journalism?"

Going quiet again, you take another sip from the bitter drink, staring at the bottom of the glass. "I got offered a new role."

"Anything good?"

"Things in North Korea are looking bad again. There's probably going to be a war soon. My paper wants me to go cover it. I'd be as close to the border as possible right now."

"So you're going to do the whole foreign correspondent thing after all?"

"I don't know yet." You shrug after a short pause, looking at your now almost empty glass. He refills it, wordlessly.

"Why not?"

"It's complicated."

"Him?" He avoids his name and you acknowledge it with a nod.

"Mom too. She's not too happy about the possibility of me going somewhere dangerous."

"Hasn't that always been the dream?"

"I guess it's scarier when the dream is real." You shrug, eyes fixed on a chair.

"And you?"

"What about me?"

"Does it scare you?"

"I don't think so." You look at him instead, teeth biting your lip. "I just wish it was an easy decision to make."

"It is. Do whatever would make you happiest."

"Figures you'd tell me that. As selfless as usual, aren't you?"

"Living up to the expectations." Van smirks, looking at the empty bottle. "You think they'd at least like me enough to give me grown up sized bottles. I have gin."

"No more vodka?" You pout slightly, picking up your glass. Now, the thought of being next to Akhil is suffocating.

"Give me a minute." He picks up one of the still wrapped packages in the bag next to the table and unwraps it, a new bottle of vodka inside. "Huh, I always thought people would peg me for more of a whiskey guy."

"Are you?"

"I'll drink anything." He shrugs, looking at the kitchen. "Ice?"

"I'll get it." Standing up, you brace yourself against the table, hand holding to the edge. Dropping the ice tray on the table a few seconds later, you smile. "Lou is going to kill you tomorrow morning when there's no ice in the freezer."

"It's December. Who the fuck's gonna need ice?"

"Larry? He’s difficult about that. Although I think he was hitting the bars with some mates, so he may not be here tomorrow."

"I may not be Lou's favorite person, but I'm sure he won't care much about Larry's needs."

"Van, don't say that. You know Lou…"

"I know." He waves his hand slightly, refilling the glasses, ice already melting in them. "Doesn't matter. So…the job?" Changing the subject back, he looks into your eyes, long eyelashes framing glassy drunk eyes.

"I don't know. I have until the New Year to answer. I'll think about it. It's just…all this stuff all happening at once and I have to decide and I can't do it. It’s all so much"

"What else is up?" He leans back in the chair, eyes not leaving yours. You bite your lip again, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, hesitant. Taking a deep breath, you speak.

"Akhil's going to propose." You breathe out after a few seconds of tense silence. "I heard him on the phone."

"I take it my best wishes would be out of place."

"I don't know." You shrug, focusing on the drink instead. "He's going to use the same ring he gave me last time." You take a small sip from your drink, letting the liquid burn your mouth before swallowing. "I don't want to sound materialistic, because it's not about the ring itself. I'd rather he used that. Money's been tight since he went back to working for his dad. He's making him work harder this time," you explain briefly. "But the thing is that it feels like he's offering me the same life I already said no to once. And he hasn't changed much from the guy he was in college - hell, if anything, he's worse now than he was the first time he proposed. And I just don't know which life I want, the society dinners and little black dresses or the crawling around trenches or if there is some middle ground between those." Noticing his knuckles are almost white from clenching around the glass, you shake your head, remorseful. "I'm sorry. You're not the person to put all of this on."

"No, I'm not." His voice is colder than before.

"You asked,” you reply, trying to defend yourself. "I suppose I'll figure something out."

"Go to Korea. If he loves you enough, he'll wait. And the fucking cocktail life will surely be there when you're old."

"It's not that easy, Van."

"Like hell it isn't." He watches you as you stand up, starting to pace around the room, empty glass forgotten on the table.

"You don't know anything about us." You stop pacing suddenly, eyes looking straight at him. "It's not how we work. Being apart for months, maybe a year, two? We could never make it. We barely made it last time."

"Then leave him a fucking note on the nightstand tomorrow morning, telling him you don't want to do it."

"Go to hell." She closes her eyes, his words echoing inside her head. "That's low even for you."

"As low as your note to me was or worse?" Van stands up, stopping in front of you. "’I can't. I'm sorry.’"

"I remember." You bite your lip, backing away from him until your back hits the counter. "Is that why you came here? To guilt me for that?"

"I came because Lou actually drove over to London to ask me to come off tour for the family. Don't fool yourself." He steps closer to you.

"Hey, at least I left a note. I didn't jump across the world and let you find out from someone else."

"No, you jumped right out of my bed and into his."

"Right, 'cause I'm sure you spent your time crying yourself to sleep over me."

"Was that what you wanted? Because it really didn't feel to me like you left me with a lot of hope of you coming back." Stopping in front of you, he feels your breath hitch, his own heartbeat pounding in his ears. "Crying over spilt milk was never a great passion of mine, I must admit."

"Nice to know that's what I am to you,” you reply, as harsh as he was.

"Melodramatic again? You know fucking well what you are to me."

"I do? You forgot to send me the memo then."

"Really?" Leaning closer to your ear, he takes a deep breath, your scent distracting him for a moment. "Was I not clear enough when I told you you're fucking it for me? You wanted more?"

"I…" you pause, unable to think because of his closeness and his words.

"Seriously, Y/N, tell me what more I could have said. Because I'm a standing under your window with a boombox kind of guy. I’m the write a thousand songs about you kind of guy. And if I had tried to do any of that, coming back here, it would have been uncomfortable, and wrong." Pulling back away from you, he breathes in again, trying to calm himself down.

"I cried for weeks after you left," you state. After a few moments of silence, you speak again, voice steady and seemingly emotionless, eyes focused on his. "Ask mom, she can vouch for it. Hell, ask anyone in this town. So you accusing me of going straight to him after you is unfair. You thinking I didn't care about you is unfair. Leaving you almost broke me." A long, silent pause creeped through the air.

"So why didn't you stay?" Van whispers, taken aback.

"And start again? We're not good for each other, Van. Never were."

"Then how come I can't be without you? If we're this bad, how is it that I still think of you all the fucking time?"

"Don't go there, Van." You beg him, but he shakes his head, stepping closer again.

"You know what I've wanted for the past six years? To forget about you. No, that's not the right way to put this." He corrects himself, shaking his head. "I wanted to not belong to you. For one day. For one fucking minute, I wanted to not feel like you are overwhelmingly possessing my every single cell."

"Please stop,” you plead again.

"Tell me your body doesn't yearn like mine does." His hand touches your face briefly, the jolt reverberating through both of you. "Tell me it doesn't need mine. Tell me that, at least fucking once, you haven't had him touch you while you wished it was me." His voice stops its crescendo, lowering to a whisper again as his eyes close for a moment. "Or if it doesn't, tell me how to stop mine. Because I can barely fucking function without you."

You slide down to the floor, arms wrapped around your knees. Shaking. Unsure of what to do, he sits down too, wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

"Don't make me be without you." He presses a kiss to the top of your hair.

"Stop." You manage to squeeze out between heavy breaths and he nods.

"Ok."

He holds you as you silently start to cry, no more words spoken for a long time.

"I have to get back to the B&B. People will be worried." You whisper, pulling yourself from his arms.

"That's it?" Stunned.

"It's all I've got." You stand up again, taking a deep breath.

"Don't go." He pulls himself up to his feet as well.

"Why should I stay, Van? So you can keep saying stuff like that?"

Quiet, he looks at you.

"What you said? It doesn't change a thing." You shake your head, sadly. Resigned. "I didn't leave that night because I didn't want to be with you. I left because I can't be with you. All our mess? I can't take any of that again. I'm sorry." You whisper the last sentence, apologizing to both him and yourself.

"What mess?" He tries to understand.

"You hurt me and I hurt you and then one of us leaves and it's a shit situation."

"Then why is me asking you to stop the leaving a bad thing?"

"Because you're you!" You almost yell, frustrated. "You're standing there and you're making me think that we could work, but there's no real life basis for this. What me can't you be without? The one you've had a handful of conversations with since high school? That was six and a half years ago. I'm not the same."

"Neither am I." A small movement of his head. "Yet you keep assuming I'm going to hurt you."

"I know it."

"Is this still about me leaving? Because there's got to be some sort of statute of limitation to how long I can be held responsible for that."

"It's not that you left, Van. It's that you never gave me a true chance even before that." You stomp your foot slightly, wrapping your arms around yourself. "I don't have the energy to spend day after day with you, wondering if you're going to at least pretend to make an effort. I can't, ok? I just…can't. I'm weak and selfish and way too broken."

"I'm not that guy any more, Y/N." He steps towards you, his hand reaching out and resting on your own. "I left because I was always going to be in a band and because it wasn't fair to you. Did everything else conspire as well? Yes. But that was part of the reason. The biggest part. But you could count on me from the first time I told you that you could, in this very bar. I'm not going to hurt you. I have it all together now-the job, the house, the friends. It's all there."

"I want to believe you." A sad smile on your lips, you shrug. "But it's just…so much stuff. Too much. I can't. There's not enough left of me to handle you." The sentence makes both of them quiet for a long moment. "Being with you because I can't stand to be without you is not good enough." Looking into his eyes, you see the question that never makes it past his lips. "I love you too, Van." Placing a soft kiss on his cheek, you try to control the tears threatening to flow again. "I'm sorry."

Lips pursed together, he stares as you turn your back, leaving. Collapsing in a chair, he picks the bottle up, refilling his glass, eyes fixed on your empty one.

-----

Part 2!

[hanguggayo]

This morning when the smell of fresh poured coffee woke him up, he felt like something was off, it was like his own brain was sending him warning bells but he was too troubled to notice, he got up and took a shower, dresses and rushed to the door without a second glance at the girl that was waiting for him, his day was going ok he even let out a relieved sound escape from his lips when he managed to put the final touches on the new album, he even felt happy, Teddy hyung smirked at him.

“What?” he asked with a satisfied smirk on his lips

“Nothing, I just though you wouldn’t come today” he said making him frown, why wouldn’t he come today?  “Y/N must be an angel and truly understanding of you working on her birthday” he said with a smile “I called her wishing her happy birthday and send with Seungri my present” he said as an after tough, but he stopped listening, your birthday, today is your birthday and as he saw his watch it was already late your birthday was yesterday, his mind just froze, Teddy hyung voice was no longer in the back ground, he turn to look at him, teddy looked at him in shock  “you forgot?” he asked half yelled at him, he run to his car, your birthday, he forgot that and also their anniversary last month, the anniversary of your parents deaths…  if he was honest he didn’t recall a day when the two of you shared dinner or spend more than an hour together, you didn’t say anything to him, there was no yelling or emotional fights, you just took it…

He managed to get there in no time at 3 in the morning there was no traffic and no people around, his apartment was dark when he went in, he turn on the lights he saw various colored wrapping papers, some boxes and soft blue and silver star balloons in the living room, but you were not there, in the kitchen was a half eaten cake and dirty dishes in the sink, he went to their room just to find it empty, he found himself in yet another empty space, but right there in the night stand he saw the ring he gave you, a note stood beside it, he lifted afraid of what it might say but he had an idea of its contents.

Jiyong;

Oppa, don’t worry I understand. you have an important job and many expect a lot of you so I won’t burden you with petty fights or feelings that you so clearly don’t want or care about, so I will remove myself from your life but still I wish you the best, happiness, health and everything good because I love you.

I took my stuff already, don’t worry about the mess, I was leaving when friends came and surprised me but the cleaning lady comes early in the morning so go to sleep and rest, I programmed the coffee maker and the alarm clock for you, I really hope you take care of yourself better, eat healthier and sleep more.

Love you, always  Y/N

Pd: Congratulations on the new album, Teddy oppa and Youngbae oppa say that is getting quite awesome and that you are working really hard at it, like if I didn’t knew that already…but I know, it will be amazing… Fighting!

The tears never stopped, he wanted to scream and break everything but that wouldn’t solve anything the fact that he missed so many things, he can remember now all the times you wanted to start a conversation with him and he didn’t even glanced at you, the times you made meals for him that he never tasted, the times he found you asleep on the sofa waiting for him to come back home, he cursed at himself and he felt so empty so… alone…

Ypov-

You are exhausted, if you were honest with yourself you have been waiting for Jiyong who has come home pretty late every day, you knew he was busy making the new album for their comeback so you haven’t complained about it, the silence of his part was discouraging when you tried to talk with him, your job was getting demanding and tiring but still you managed to get home and cook for him even if he didn’t tasted anything you had done, slowly but steady you have been feeling like you lived with a complete stranger and you hated it, you cried and got angry at him, but at the end you understood that he was after all G Dragon.

You watched Jiyong last night or better said early in the morning enter your shared bedroom, change and freefall in the pillows next to yours, he was asleep instantly, according to Teddy oppa call that morning he didn’t want to see your boyfriend today in the studio so you knew that he would be staying in; that your boyfriend needed rest, and a healthy meal, so you left quietly the apartment to go to the grocery store.

At your return the apartment was in silence, you left the bags in the counter, put things away in the right place and began to cook, trying to reach for a plate in the other side of the stove without looking you grabbed a hot pot with your bare hand making you yell and throw the hot pot in the process, the hot liquid splashed in the floor making you jump in pain when it hit your bare legs, you stepped away turning off the stove…

“what the fu… Y/N!” Jiyong yelled making you jump and turn to look at him surprised you forgot he was in the house too, you have grown accustom  that he was always out

°Oppa° your voice was soft, your eyes were wide rimmed with tears and your lips formed a pout in pain “I’m so sorry, I forgot you were her… sleeping; I’ll clean this, just go to sle…”

“oh my god Y/N I’m sorry, god I’m so sorry!” he said cutting you off and running to hug you

“oppa?” you asked shocked forgetting the pain in your hand, you have never seeing him this upset and this behavior was worrying  you “babe, what’s wrong, did you had a bad dream?” you asked holding him, he froze and separated from you, then he turn to look at the apartment you looked at him and then at the apartment soft rays of light entered the apartment making it bright and homey, he looked at you again you were frowning  worried, then he saw his clothes soft gray sweatpants and white t shirt.

“what day is it?” he asked you before you could ask anything

“uh, Sunday?” you asked confused by his behavior, tears were still in his eyes

“no, the date?”

“are you trying to trick me to tell you if you forgot an important date? Because you haven’t you still have a month for our anniversary” you said, he smiled and you had to smile with him because you haven’t seen that smile in a while he hug you again and started to kiss every surface of skin that was visible “oppa you ok?” you ask; he was worrying you more by every second that passed

“yes!, god I love you, Y/N  I love you, never forget that, I know I been busy and distant but I love you and I’m sorry” he said in your ear, you embraced him and hissed when your hand touched his back, that made him pull back and look at your hand which was red and hurt a lot

“I’ll take you to the hospital come on” he said pulling you by your good hand, you followed him still a bit confused, in the car he was quiet and at every opportunity he stared at you, it was making you over conscious of your appearance

“jiyong, is something wrong, do I have something on my face or something?” you asked pulling down the small mirror in front of you, you didn’t noticed anything different maybe the dark circles under your eyes were a bit more dark and big, or maybe it was the paleness of your skin, but apart from that you looked normal

“is nothing” he said, he parked the car and before he could get out you stopped him

“Jiyong, you don’t need to come, I’ll go you return home and rest ok, you need it” you said, smiled at his surprised face and opened the car door with your healthy hand, you closed the door and began to walk to the entrance of the hospital, he jogged to reach you and took your uninjured hand in his, you stopped surprised and turn to look at him, he was looking at you with fear in his eyes, you frowned

“I don’t want to lose you” he said making you more confused

“What? They are probably just going to put some cream and bandages” you say “you can go home Ji, seriously you need to sleep” he denies

“no, I… no, come on” he says pulling you to the hospital, you follow the medics are fast and you were right cream and bandages…

“Kwon Jiyong what is it, you are starting to scare me” you ask because he hasn’t let go of your good hand and hasn’t stopped staring at you for the last few hours, he bites his lower lip and look at your interlaced hands, you saw how he began to blink away tears, you were getting nervous, was he going to tell you that he really didn’t love you anymore, or that he was tired of you?

“I… I had a nightmare” he said in a soft broken whisper, you felt relived at the admission but frowned

“What was it about?”

“I lost you” he said still not looking you, you frown

“Babe, it’s ok, I’m here, nothing has happen to me” you say he denies

“I neglected us, I pushed you away, I ignored you, I came home late and leaved early, I… forgot…”

“You forgot what?” you ask because this doesn’t sound like a nightmare, its pretty much what has been happening for a few months now.

“Our anniversary, your parents… birthdays… everything” he said still not looking at you

“so I left you” you say simply your voice sounds estrange to your own ears he looks at you now, tears flowing freely now but he nods, and in that moment your heart breaks because maybe you have been thinking in that yourself, your relationship hasn’t been good at all, you verily speak to each other, you don’t see each other anymore and yes maybe the alternative of leaving was a choice that popped in your mind in your darker days “I’m sorry” you say he looks at you searching for something in your eyes, his eyes grow wide at what he sees there the fear returns and more tears roll freely in his cheeks, you pull your hand from his and the fear spreads like fire all over his face, you clean his tears with your fingers

“Kwon Jiyong, I love you that won’t change, we will work hard for this relationship, I won’t give up if you don’t” you said he nods fervently making you smile and he smiles widely tears still flowing but you know that smile is a happy one, you press your lips to his and he responds immediately.

[rollertoasteroflife]

These Things Are Fun Lets Give It a Go

Tagged by @katyaton heyyyyyyy!

RULES: answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. (…yeah I don’t know that many people...)

tagging: @deaded123 @showmethestarlight and if anyone that follows me wants to please do but you two are the only ones that actually reply to these things and I can’t be arsed to go through all of my followers when no one does them anyway :D

1.      coke or pepsi: coke definitely

2.      disney or dreamworks:  oh god ummm i love disney cos that was my childhood but dreamworks have done some truly amazing films and they gave me how to train your dragon which i love far more than is probably normal...

3.      coffee or tea: *whispers* both definitely both...I drink so much coffee and tea and currently green tea I’m probably 70% hot beverage at this point

4.      books or movies: ah fuck. um I have to say finding a favourite book feels so much better than a favourite film but like I literally work in the film industry so I honestly love them too but yeah imma have to say books (that was really difficult D:)

5.      windows or mac: windows cos it’s what i know

6.      dc or marvel: um I’ve seen more marvel so I’ll say marvel but I’m not particular opinionated on the matter

7.      xbox or playstation: I am abysmal at playing games so again not really my question. however i have finally worked out how to use my housemates xbox as a dvd player so woo

8.      dragon age or mass effect: I don’t play them

9.      night owl or early riser: Permanently tired pigeon here but more of a night owl.

10.  cards or chess: Oh god um  actually can’t choose because i grew up playing card games and i really love them but i have a massive sentimental personal thing about chess so yeah i can’t choose here

11.  chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate what am I? dumb?!

12.  vans or converse: Converse 

13.  lavellan, trevelyan, cadash, or adaar: I do not understand

14.  fluff or angst: um in like fic reading or my life?? because my favourite fan fics are often angsty ones but I get wayyyyyyyyyy too emotional about them and yet still tend to read them over fluffy ones. Yet in actual life my life has enough problems please cover me fluffy things i’m tired

15.  beach or forest: beach because there’s sea but i fucking love forests so much!!

16.  dogs or cats: Cats!! but puppers are great too!!!

17.  clear skies or rain: Fucking rain I love rain!!

18.  cooking or eating out: I really like cooking it’s what I resort to when I’m having issues with life not working out.

19. Spicy food or mild food: I don’t like massively spicy food but I will fight you over bland food so like somewhere between the two??

20.  halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: I only really started doing halloween like a couple of years ago but i do enjoy it (woo for fancy dress) but i do really love christmas!

21.  would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: cold definitely i hate the heat. It was 15 degrees c today (59 fahrenheit thanks google) and i was dying and complaining most of the day

22.  if you could have a superpower, what would it be: Shapeshifting!!!! 

23.  animation or live action: Again with the whole job thing, live action but i love animated films too!!

24.  paragon or renegade: eh?

25.  baths or showers: i shower more often but my house doesn’t have a bath and i really miss it. also currently with my leg injuries i would love a bath because they ache so bad D:  

26.  team cap or team ironman:  umm i don’t know?? I’m not gonna choose sorry

27.  fantasy or sci-fi: Fantasy but scifi is awesome!

28. do you have three or four  favourite quotes? if so what are they: Presume not that I am the thing I was - Shakespeare Henry V

The planets and heavens will move for you. - this is a quote from a poem @deaded123/ @breathingtheworldinwords wrote for me which is my favourite poem

I am constantly coming across quotes i want ot remember but i never write them down so yeah...

29.  youtube or netflix: netflix

30.  harry potter or percy jackson: Harry potter but am currently working my way through the percy jacksons series which i do enjoy and rick riordan is an awesome human!

31.  when you feel accomplished: when i remember how far i’ve come from what i was and how hard i’ve fought to be where i am now. Also I once forgot what happened in a battle on an history exam so proceeded to talk about the battle of helms deep and cut the orcs and elves. I got 100% on that paper. ;)

32.  star wars or star trek: star wars......it was my childhood and i love it so much

33.  paperback books or hardback books: i do love me a good hardback but my paperbacks have kept me company for a long time

34. horror or rom-com: ummm i’m not great at horror but it depends so i’d probs watch the rom com and just be cynically sarcastic throughout...(the fact that i enjoy rom coms when i’m not great and actual romance annoys myself)

35.  to live in a world without literature or music: that is just mean :P but i’d have to chose literature as my life is based around stories

36.  pastel colours or dark colours: dark definitely!! other people look aweosme in pastels but i don’t like wearing them and honeslty just feel kind of suspicious of them as a colour group (i have no idea why i have such storng opinions on pastels or why i am suspicious...)

37.  tv shows or movies: Tv shows as you go through so much more. Also it suits my attention span better

38.  city or countryside: can i have like a town?? i love the countryside but i also need to be around other people or i get very morbid

39.  if any other zodiac sign could describe you, what would it be: i don’t understand??i’m a leo and honeslty haven’t looked at the others enough to know the traits!

40.  if you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life what would it be: i would currently choose one of sia’s albums as just yes

41.  cinema or theatre: cinema because i love films but i do enjoy theatre

42.  if you could be any fictional character’s best friend, who’d you be: hmmmmmmmm i honeslty don’t know as my favs are people like me but being around someone like me as a best friend is kind of an odd thought...pass?

43.  smiling or smirking: smiling to me means just being free and comfortable to be happy and smirking in my mind is the silly little in jokes that tyou have with friends in the middle of a conversation or when you’ve thought of something inappropriately funny both of which i do a lot.

44.  are you an ‘all or nothing’ type or are you more consistent: all or nothing probably

45.  playlists or your whole library on shuffle: shuffle because i’m too lazy to make playlists

46.  travelling or staying at home: Travelling,but i like to have a base somewhere. but yeah i get bored of places easily and am not attached to anywhere as a ‘home’ as a concept i’ve never really got that feeling about anywhere? um it’s hard to explain so i’m just gonna stop cos i don’t know what my point is

47.  books or fanfiction: both are literature and they’re both stories and i fucking love stories in all forms! right now i’m reading more fanfiction because when i need to work lets get lost in emotions about fictional characters right?! but seriously i have a bunch of favourite fanfics which i keep rereading and most are novel length so like not much of  a difference!

48.  If you could live in a fantasy world, what world would it be: the chronicles of ixia world probably but like god there are so many that i’d want to be in!!

49. your favorite cartoon: um i don’t really watch that many cartoons... cacn i claim the Dragons tv series that accompanies httyd? it’s animated......

50.  name the weirdest five songs on your itunes, current or past: um ok so i have a bit of  a weird thing about my music in that i don’t like talking about it too much...i’m getting better but yeah i don’t want to answer this :)

51. mountains or plains: Mountains!!!!!!! they give me liiiiiiiiiife

52. favorite anime (or tv show if you don’t watch anime): Yuri on ice is the first anime i’ve watched and honeslty have fallen in love with it and it has ruined my world right now (it’s what my anxieties are currently directed out instead of at my work which i’m cool with) and the only other one i’ve seen is ouran high school host club which i actually watched half of yesterday whilst working as a friend loves it, it’s amusing :)

53. which social media platform are you most like yourself on: err i don’t really do social media much. i have facebook to talk to uni people, a couple of group chats with home people and it’s the only contact i have with my dad’s side of the fam as most don’t live in england but i don’t actually post anything except about work i’ve got donea dn funny photos of my friends. obvs i have tumblr which i overshare about myself way too much but this is probs a very accurate summary of my shit sense of humour, tv shows, and everything else in my head! though i do sometimes get concerned about my oversharing on here cos y’know internet safetyand all D: oh i have snapchat too but i mainly use it to talk to 2 friends one is in germany so i can’t ring her like i used to and the other we pretty much just send each other selfies with a lot of heart emojis! i’ve been debating getting instagram but haven’t decided yet...

54. What are some of your passions:anyone that knows me or reads my frequent oversharing will know i work in costume stuff so yeah i can literally talk about costuming and historic fashions for days and not get bored so yeha don’t ask about that unless you ready to learn!! ;) um i’m also an archery instructor, really love drawing, and just yeah the various tv, film and book obsessions that i go through (currently it’s yoi but i do try and keep my obsession from fully taking ove rthis blog-80% of it is still my shit sense of humour

55. Favourite food: I will fight everyone to get a proper roast dinner with yorkshire puddings and also chocolate.....and pomegranates.....and sugar snap peas......

This was fun!!!

[ghostsapphic]

lover: track by track review

on friday lover finally dropped! for the past few months i’ve been enjoying the hype and the singles that were released beforehand. i felt like this album wouldn’t let me down the way reputation did, even though i definitely like rep a lot more now than when it was released. but while reputation was an album that I had to really grow to like, lover had me hooked from the first listen. i decided to write down how i feel about every song and then end it with my favourites and least favourites.

i forgot that you existed: this song is a really good intro to the album. it tells you that taylor has grown to a place where she can finally not care what people think of her. i love the lyrics of this one, but i think the music could’ve been a lot better. it seemed very repetitive and i think the chorus should’ve been switched up a little more. though after a few listens i decided that the lyrical content more than made up for that. 

favourite line: “lived in the shade you were throwing til all of my sunshine was gone”

cruel summer: initially i thought this song was way too over the place for me, but now after a few listens i’ve come to really love this song. it gives me a very specific image in my mind. it’s also quite unlike all the other love songs on this album. most of them are about very wholesome peaceful love, but this one gives me a chaotic summer fling vibe.

favourite line: “and I snuck in through the garden gate every night that summer just to seal my fate” and “I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?”

lover: lover is one of the most beautiful songs taylor has ever written, period. more than ever this album shows the importance of just existing with your partner. it paints a beautiful picture in my mind. i’m so glad that taylor has finally experienced the kind of love she’s been dreaming of for so long.

favourite line: “and there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you dear, have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?” and “you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me, and at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover”

the man: taylor tackling sexism is so overdue. the lyrics are very real, but i also love the synths and taylor’s vocals on this one. this definitely isn’t one of her songs that i would listen to endlessly on repeat, but i still really like it!

favourite line: “they'd say I played the field before I found someone to commit to, and that would be okay for me to do, every conquest I had made would make me more of a boss to you”

the archer: this is probably the best song on the album lyrically. taylor gives us a window into her insecurities and fears about life, and she doesn’t spare any punches. the only flaw this song has is the repetitive instrumental, but i do like how it gets more intense towards the end.

favourite line: “i cut off my nose just to spite my face”, “i never grew up, it’s getting so old”, “and all of my heroes die all alone”, and “cause all of my enemies started out friends”

i think he knows: i absolutely love the chorus on this one. it also has one of the best baselines on the whole album.

favourite line: “it's like I'm 17, nobody understands, no one understands”

miss americana & the heartbreak prince: this is one of her smartest songs. there’s a double meaning to everything she says; it could be about her image, or it could be about politics in america. every word she spits out is fiery. i’m so glad she didn’t let go of all of her anger and darkness after reputation.

favourite line: “american glory faded before me, now I'm feeling hopeless, ripped up my prom dress, running through rose thorns, I saw the scoreboard and ran for my life” and “it's you and me, that's my whole world, they whisper in the hallway, “She's a bad, bad girl””

paper rings: this song is so adorable! i heard some people describe it as a more upbeat version of lover, which is totally true. i can imagine this becoming one of my go to upbeat taylor songs.

favourite line: “went home and tried to stalk you on the internet, now I've read all of the books beside your bed”

cornelia street: unlike most fans i really don’t get this song. in fact i find it kinda boring. maybe it’ll be a grower but for now there’s nothing really memorable for me.

favourite line: “and baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name, and baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away, I'd never walk cornelia street again”

death by a thousand cuts: I have very mixed feelings on this one. i think it had the potential to be one of my favourites but the piano part on the verses is so annoying. it completely ruined the song for me for me. plus, it has really good lyrics too! i wish i liked it more but for now i don’t think i’ll listen to it much.

favourite line: “i look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up, chandelier's still flickering here, cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not”

london boy: i really like this song. it’s very lighthearted and even funny at some points. it also has an amazing outro (i love the way she sings “i fancy you”). though i do get why some people are hating on it. it has super stereotypical lyrics, but i don’t think they’re supposed to be taken too seriously.

favourite line: “but something happened, I heard him laughing, i saw the dimples first and then I heard the accent”

soon you’ll get better (feat. the dixie chicks): THIS SONG!!!!!!! as the most vulnerable song on the album i can’t imagine myself coming back to it much since it’s so heart wrenching. but other than that the lyrics are beautiful and i love how it’s a lowkey collaboration. all of their vocals are really good too.

favourite line: “i'll paint the kitchen neon, i'll brighten up the sky, i know i'll never get it, there's not a day that I won't try” and “and I hate to make this all about me, but who am i supposed to talk to, what am I supposed to do, if there's no you?”

false god: this song is extremely sexual. i kinda can’t believe some of the lyrics to this song. it’s super groovy and has great lyrics. i love the sax parts too.

favourite line: “and I can't talk to you when you're like this, staring out the window like I’m not your favourite town, i'm new york city”

you need to calm down: i really loved taylor getting political on this album. i absolutely love her sarcastic attitude in this song. it has some of the most memorable lines of this album too. that combined with the upbeat instrumentals makes this one of my go to uplifting taylor songs.

favourite line: “sunshine on the street at the parade, but you would rather be in the dark ages, just making that sign, must've taken all night”

afterglow: i can’t describe why i like this song so much. i absolutely love the echo-y instruments, and they make her voice sound so good! the lyrical content is also really good, but i think the song sounds so nice already that i can’t really focus on that. i have a feeling that this song will end up becoming one of her more slept on songs. i haven’t seen heard many people talk about it, but i hope i’m wrong.

favourite line: “hey, it's all me, in my head, i'm the one who burned us down”

me! (feat. brendon urie): i think it was mainly the hype that drew me to this song at first. i definitely don’t like it as much as when i first heard it, but it’s still a fun bop, and I love the collaboration. and there is no song on this album that could’ve got me as excited for the album as this one did. even now it still brings a smile to my face.

favourite line: “but one of these things is not like the others, like a rainbow with all of the colours, baby doll when it comes to a lover, i promise that you'll never find another like me” and “girl, there ain't no i in team, but you know there is a me” (and no, i don’t care how cheesy it is)

it’s nice to have a friend: i think in any other context this song wouldn’t have been as good as it is here. it’s very simple since it’s almost like an intermission song preparing you for daylight. i probably won’t listen to it much outside of the album, but it certain serves its purpose. i also like how different the instrumentals are from the rest of the album.

favourite line: “something gave you the nerve to touch my hand, it's nice to have a friend”

daylight: WOW. what a great way to end the album. it’s not as exciting as the rest of the album, but it’s lowkey and introspective. i think this song is what makes this album a cohesive story, more so than any other album she’s made before. sidenote: reputation and lover is the most iconic two part story ever and you can’t change my mind.

favourite line: “maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down, maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town” and “i once believed love would be burning red, but it's golden”

FINAL THOUGHTS

top 5 favourites: lover, miss americana & the heartbreak prince, cruel summer, afterglow, you need to calm down (honourable mention to i forgot that you existed and daylight)

top 3 least favourites: cornelia street, death by a thousand cuts, ME! (though i don’t dislike any of these songs at all! this album is just that good)

also i wanna try ranking taylor’s discography with lover, but it’s super hard for me since i think it’s very mood dependent. fuck it, i’ll try anyway.

speak now > fearless > lover > 1989 > reputation > red > taylor swift

[gattinarubia]

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? i guess more milk than cereal

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? yeah usually

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? usually i turn the corner unless it’s a really nice book - and then just like a scrap of paper

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? cream only

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? no

6: do you keep plants? yeah! their names are cheryl and lydia

7: do you name your plants? see above question hahaha

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? usually writing

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yes

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side/stomach

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? farts (haha jk “inner joke”)

12: what's your favorite planet? i’ve only ever been to the one. but maybe mars because people might go there 

13: what's something that made you smile today? yuri on ice

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? messy because of me? idk. i’m picturing separate rooms and a nice view

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! venus has a volcano that’s 4000 mi long

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? mac and cheese. followed by carbonara or bolognese

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? i’m happy as a blonde, actually

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. i traded a cigarette for a handful of koala cookies once

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? yeah. it’s mostly for when i’m traveling or stressed out. there’s a lot of calligraphy practice in it, too

20: what's your favorite eye color? on someone else, i’d have to say brown

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. it’s a disgusting shit pile but i still use it because the outside looks okay

22: are you a morning person? yeah, actually

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? sit and work on projects and watch netflix

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? yeah, i guess. i don’t have terrible secrets so it’s not really an issue

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? the trip room at camp at night

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? black boots i guess. or black flats. depending on the time of year

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? juicy fruit or big red

28: sunrise or sunset? it totally depends

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? always texts me to say thank you for letting him come by after he’s already left

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? umm yes.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. none of them match, and half the time i can’t find a clean pair and just wear dirty ones. my mom loves socks and takes care of hers and struggles to understand me

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. i have no idea where to start. i rode in an ambulance with a friend in my overalls one time.

33: what's your fave pastry? croissants aux amandes

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? it was a blanket. i called it blankie, it was white with pastel animal shapes and crocheted edges. i have no idea what happened to it.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? omg YES. i’m obsessed with office supplies and pens especially.

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? no idea. i’m not good at that stuff.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i don’t like keeping it messy, but i do anyway

38: tell us about your pet peeves! really dumb grammar errors in scripted content (like double comparatives). also mispronouncing something really badly in one’s native language. i hate being called “little lady” (by anyone) or “sweetie” (by strangers). people who are always shushing people.

39: what color do you wear the most? black i guess. also blue.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? i have a ring on my thumb. i told my grandma that i liked her ring and she gave it to me. i’ve only taken it off twice in 5 years

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? ooooh tough question. Maurice. definitely read it. it’s so gay and beautiful

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! the one downstairs because a cute girl works there

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? no idea. my brother, possibly.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? i feel personally victimized by this question. honestly it’s been years.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? a good bit

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. no.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? none of them? idk, people need food. kale is pretty gross and useless. i’d have to go with whale meat, tiger meat, and elephant meat. don’t eat endangered animals, friends.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? i think it was rejection and abandonment, much like now.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? no, i haven’t bought a CD since 2010, and buying records is pretentious unless you’re oldish and have a nostalgic reason to buy them.

50: what's an odd thing you collect? my birds’ feathers

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? ... i don’t really work like that.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? anything shitting on trump

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? all of them. i enjoy them usually.

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? myself in the mirror lol -- no but seriously my mom talking about her mom’s alzheimers....

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? probably had sex with someone. slapped someone. ate a cricket.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? shyness, mothering tendencies, accents, unironic enthusiasm, touchy-ness, a funny laugh, self-deprecating humor

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i’m not going to do that. but i love that song, and i would have dramatically reenacted the lyrics

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? i’m worried that i’m both.

59: what's your favorite myth? The Devi Shakti

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yes. i love arthur rimbaud, oscar wilde, lady ise, and shakespeare (who wouldn’t like shakespeare?)

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? gave someone a rock once. i got one of those crinkle shirts one time

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? not usually. but if i do, orange juice

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? i leave them be

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? dark brown. nightime in the city

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? plenty

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? i guess something with greenery and bleeding hearts on it

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? delightful

68: what's winter like where you live? cold and snowy (but more slushy the last couple of years)

69: what are your favorite board games? i prefer card games. but i like guess who and reversi

70: have you ever used a ouija board? yeah

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? chai

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? not necessarily

73: what are some of your worst habits? biting my nails, being late, interrupting my brother when he’s talking

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. friendly smile, worrywart, dumb jokes, caring, gregarious, anxious

75: tell us about your pets! i have two birds, a fish, and a tarantula. my birds are my beautiful angels.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? always. but it’s nighttime so nothing major.

77: pink or yellow lemonade? no preference. they taste the same.

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? i’m in the i-don’t-care club

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? a boy i used to nanny drew me a picture to make me feel better about my bird dying - he drew about her being alive and flying around.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? grey. no. i live in an apartment. i could paint the walls but i don’t really care.

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. no, this isn’t creative writing class.

82: are/were you good in school? yeah, pretty good.

83: what's some of your favorite album art? i haven’t bought an album since 2010

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? yes. triskelion, and camp symbol. i just haven’t decided where i want them.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? yeah! archie and buffy

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? no?

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? jeez idk. some documentaries probably. 

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? romanticism for some reason

89: are you close to your parents? yeah, i’d say so.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. awkwardly worded but sure. Chicago is delightful because the people are nice, the views are pretty, and we have all the best comedians.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? mexico.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? drown it. make it 90% cheese.

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? down.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? some facebook friends

95: what are your plans for this weekend? it just ended. no idea about next weekend. i might decide to drop acid.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastinate for weeks.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? i’ve never been consistent on myer briggs, gemini, ravenpuff

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? it’s been a while. but i love it.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Bees by Laura Cantrell, Over the Sea by Bec Sandridge, More than Life by Whitley, Cooke by Modern Baseball - a bunch of others

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? past. i’d make different choices.