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cuttlefishkitch · 4 years

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hello! i haven't talked to you before, but ron said that i could ask you for some advice on writing eds? (i'd like to know things to avoid/common things that could come up in everyday life that would be good to mention/the sort of aids and stuff they'd have maybe?/anything else you think is relevant)

Hi! Sorry this took so long, a combination of ADHD and chronic pain slowed me way the fuck down. Thank you for being patient!

EDIT: WEIRD HEEL THINGS I FORGOT!!

So, before I get into this I should probably say I technically haven’t been diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS for anyone reading) because it’s one of those syndromes that takes forever to get diagnosed with (it took a friend of mine’s mother over 30 years to get dxed). Many doctors, and everyone I know who does have EDS agree with me that it’s probably what causes my chronic joint pain and some of my other chronic issues. But just because three separate doctors have said “Yeah Probably” doesn’t mean I’m diagnosed!! Only a geneticist can do that!! And they had two-three year waitlists BEFORE the apocalypse happened.

I am diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Small Fiber Neuropathy, and potentially misdiagnosed with Fibromyalgia (once I get properly tested for EDS I might get undiagnosed with this because I don’t have most of the main symptoms of Fibro, but I got diagnosed with it anyway because it’s what doctors misDX you with when they don’t know what’s wrong with you and don’t want to do more tests).

All that said, I’ve done a lot of research about EDS (mainly because it’s the only thing that explains all my symptoms since doctors seem incapable of doing so), and know a few people who have either confirmed or suspected EDS, so I’ll link to some stuff, talk about the symptoms that often come with EDS, explain how the symptoms I have affect me, because just because someone’s not diagnosed doesn’t mean they aren’t having symptoms, and probs elaborate a bit about writing physical disabilities and chronic pain in general because it’s super important to me!

So RESOURCES aka how to make sure your post never sees the light of day because you’re linking things and tumblr hates it when people give other people information!!

Youtubers! If you want to know about the day to day of living with EDS or any disability or chronic illness I super suggest finding a youtuber that makes videos about their life. My EDS favorites are

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

Annie Elainey

Amy Lee Fisher

Websites! If you’re asking random folks on tumblr I’m assuming (and hoping) you’ve already done the basic WebMD google searches and looked over the seemingly ridiculous lists of symptoms and related conditions, so here are a few websites that are made more for people than for doctors.

The Ehlers Danlos Society

OhTWIST (That’s Why I’m So Tired)

ChronicPainPartners (the fact that they have an entire section of articles called “Dealing with Doctors” should really tell you something)

Books! If you feel like doing actual reading! I suggest reading books written by people with Ehlers Danlos, to get a feel for how they portray themselves. I’m not saying steal, but it’s probably a good point of comparison to see how your portrayal feels. (haven’t actually read these b/c my ADHD doesn’t let me read)

Ria Ruse by Morgan S. Ray (a superhero book with a disabled super MC!!)

Mysteries of Maybelle by Imani Benfell (Imani is still in high school and has already written and self-published a book cause she didn’t have enough representation for herself how cool is she!!)

Bodies in Motion by Liana Brooks (tw for pregnancy problems and miscarriages in the link, because it’s a blog post talking about integrating EDS symptoms into the story without explicitly naming them as such)

OKAY, now for some rambling about EDS SYMPTOMS!!!

Ehlers Danlos is one monster of a genetic condition in complexity and variety. There are THIRTEEN different identified types of EDS, it often comes with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and/or POTS, and can lead to various other conditions like gastroparesis, chiari malformation, craniocervical instability, and/or bad teeth. So if you’re going to be writing a character with EDS consider what other comorbid conditions they might also have. I’m mainly going to be talking about Hypermobile EDS (hEDS) because it’s what I probably have and what I’m most familiar with. That said there is a lot of overlap in symptoms with the other varieties.

I started typing this section and realized I was going to have to break it down even more so we’re going to talk about Chronic Pain, Unstable Joints (Dislocations and Subluxations), Skin Things, Mobility Issues, and Other Weird Shit and how those things get addressed separately.

Gonna get the Other Weird Shit out of the way first. Because EDS is a malfunction of connective tissue it can fuck up all sorts of random things. For instance, I and many other people w/ hEDS have trouble swallowing. Shit gets stuck in my throat, I sometimes choke on and have to cough up food, and pills can be hard to swallow, which sucks cause I take A Lot Of Pills. If it doesn’t cause full-on gastroparesis it can cause IBS or other digestive problems b/c the digestive tract is mostly made of connective tissue. It can potentially cause heart problems even if they aren’t as big of a risk as in some other forms of EDS. Premature osteoarthritis is common because what you need is more joint pain. And Fatigue OH BOY THE FATIGUE. And of course the headaches, can’t forget those pesky migraines can we!

AND piezogenic papules!! I completely forgot!! Piezogenic papules are little white bumps that appear when you put weight on your heel. In some people they hurt, but in others they don’t. They’re technically tiny little herniations of fat peaking through the fascia in the heel. They were added as part of the diagnostic criteria for hEDS in 2017!

Now for Skin Things cause it’s not as big a thing in hEDS as it is in other forms. Basically, in a lot of forms of EDS, the skin is extra stretchy and extra delicate. It bruises and tears easily, people with the extreme versions of this can accidentally scratch something into an open wound if they aren’t careful. My skin is pretty soft and sensitive, I def have the typical velvety skin, and as is pretty par for the course of someone with hEDS my skin is a little stretchy, and sorta delicate. I’m not as tissue-papery as some people get, but I almost always have at least one mystery bruise or scrape b/c existing is hazardous. Most of scars are also pretty normal, unlike the extremely papery and atrophic scars (though I have a few tiny acne scars that are atrophic) that are common with other kinds of hEDS. Something that I DO have is Lots of Stretch Marks, all over my thighs, and even down to my calves. Which wouldn’t be abnormal, except for the fact that I’ve never been over 145 lbs and I’ve never been pregnant. Having a lot of stretch marks or striations in the skin without due cause happens because the structure of the skin isn’t as strong as it is in people with a normal amount of connective tissue.

I don’t have to worry as much about my skin but people that do are usually very careful with adhesives because they can irritate or tear the skin, which sucks when you need a lot of bandaids cause your darn skin won’t do its job.

Now on to the meatier stuff and since I’m mostly working backward let’s do Mobility Issues!! These can happen in loads of ways, but a lot of what causes these in people with EDS are the other two things I wanna talk about. Unstable joints lead to increased risk of injury when doing stuff people with fully functioning joints can do.

For context, I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user, meaning I can walk, but a lot of the time it’s better if use a chair. Mine is mostly for my POTS symptoms, but the fact that my legs aren’t also in absolute agony is a big plus. I use a custom manual wheelchair with a SmartDrive (b/c I’m very fucking fortunate and have good insurance) whenever I leave the house and have to be “walking” for more than a few minutes at a time. I can’t fully self-propel in a manual chair because it would be damaging to the joints in my arms and hands, but the smaller chair is easier to maneuver in less than accessible spaces (like almost everywhere). There was about a month-long span where I used a very cheap and very bulky electric chair while I was waiting on the ideal set up I have now. Before that, I also briefly used, and sometimes still use, an up-right posture cane.

People with EDS have widely varying mobility issues because of how uniquely it can manifest. My cane only gave me a little help with balance because if I used it in any prolonged capacity any pain it took away from my legs was relocated to my arms, and as an artist, my arms are more important to me!

If you’re going to write a character with EDS having mobility issues as a result of their EDS the best thing to do is to narrow down their specific needs. Are their knees complete and utter garbage but their shoulders and wrists strong? Maybe they can get away with using a cane. Can they not stand for longer than 5 minutes because of the vertigo from their POTS? Maybe they need a manual wheelchair. Would propelling themself damage their back and arm joints? An electric chair might be necessary! Plenty of people with EDS use all sorts of combinations of these aides to get around their life, consider how your character’s good and bad days would be. Do they have back up plans if they overestimate themselves? There can be a lot to manage, but don’t let it scare you off! Sometimes I try and make it into a resource management game (because I’m a game designer and that’s what I do), to make evaluating my energy and mobility needs more fun!

But now let's tackle some of the reasons those mobility aides might be needed. Unstable Joints.

Ever stepped wrong and rolled your ankle? It hurts for a few steps and then kinda fixes itself, or maybe it bothers you for the rest of the day and you put it up and ice it when you get home? When I was walking around outside my house that would happen AT LEAST once a month, usually more. Some times I’m sitting wrong and when I get up my knee isn’t a knee anymore and decides to just give out from under me. My knuckles are made of unruly popcorn and they Don’t Want To Stay Home!! Oh! And my shoulder is more often out a little out of its socket than it is fully in.

Unstable joints lead to Dislocations and Subluxations of varying intensity, and some people get them more frequently than others. Some can be severe enough to necessitate hospital visits and even surgery, some subluxations are so banal (like my fUCKING SHOULDER) that you just learn to live with the pain.

If a character is going to be in high action, combat-heavy scenarios, chances are they’re going to be popping out joints left and right. Hell, depending on the severity of their joint laxity they could be doing the same sitting at a desk. Again, it’s incredibly varied. I’d suggest setting some sort of baseline for yourself, of what a character’s joints can and can’t stand up to, and maybe do some research on which joints are most likely to pop out in general (hips and shoulders are big culprits being the wacky ball and socket motherfuckers they are). Then maybe have something pop out or hold up every so often when it shouldn’t cause hey! EDS is kinda just like that! Unpredictable!

Some ways people manage joint laxity is with braces, KT tape, and physical therapy. Braces come in many different forms, since I’m currently getting pretty much no treatment for my shitty joints I use mostly compression braces made for sporty people. It really is amazing how much a bit of tight fabric can do to keep my wrist in place.

More specialized braces often have solid parts to prevent the joints from hyper-extending (bending the wrong way) and causing further damage. If you ever see someone with what looks like diamond shaped rings around a bunch of their finger joints, chances are those are Ring Splints, and are there to keep the finger shaped like a finger. I want to get my hands on some and get some on my hands Very Badly, because my fingers hyper-extend SO MUCH when I type, and it makes my hand pain way way worse.

KT tape is another thing people often use. It’s stretchy tape you put on your skin and it basically functions kinda like a second ligament as well as reinforcing the joint and keeping the bones mostly where they’re supposed to be. The problem with this is a lot of people with EDS have very sensitive and fragile skin like I mentioned before, so KT tape can cause allergic reactions, chronic skin irritation, or just straight up take the skin with it when someone goes to remove it. Hence a lot of folks are really careful with it.

Physical Therapy is kinda the best (and only) treatment for joint laxity aside from Very Invasive and sometimes Highly Experimental surgery. It focuses on strengthening the muscles around the joints so they can do the work all those bone ropes made of body glue can’t. The problem is finding a physical therapist that 1) knows what EDS even is, 2) knows you have it, and 3) knows how to treat it without doing stuff that’ll Phucking Hurt You Worse!! Because exercising wrong with EDS can do Permanent Damage!!!

Again most folks use a combination of all of these things, or have next to no access to them b/c healthcare sucks.

Anyway, on to one of my favorite topics, Chronic Pain!! One of the reasons this post took me so long!!!

Chances are if your character has chronic pain as a result of their EDS there are gonna be some things they hate, including stairs, rain, thunderstorms, stairs, hills, uneven terrain, oh and did I mention stairs??? It’s going to vary person to person, but almost everyone I’ve met with pain from EDS has complained about their knees. For me the most debilitating pain is in my fingers and wrists. They’re by far my least stable joints but I use them constantly for stuff like drawing, typing, and sewing.

Because my joint pain is so wide spread, like most people’s with hEDS, it effects every single part of my day to day life. I can’t carry a heavy ceramic plate, open a bottle, or even use my computer without pain. It’s practically impossible for me to get comfortable in any position be it sitting or laying down, and as you can imagine that makes it hard to sleep a lot of the time. Moving too much hurts, but so does sitting still. I’m constantly taking braces on and off or cracking/stretching my joints so they pop back into place and hurt less.

Also being in pain makes everything else That Much Worse. I get tired way faster than I did before my pain was this bad (I had chronic pain for a while before actually realizing it wasn’t normal to not be able to walk down the block without feeling like your foot bones are trying to escape). My sensory issues and anxiety disorder are more easily aggravated because my base level of comfort is way worse. It fucks with my depression. And OH BOY does it make my ADHD worse because being in pain is fucking distracting as hell and makes it harder to make decisions and switch tasks. Also my ADHD often makes my other symptoms worse cause I forget to take my meds, don’t drink enough water, or can’t find my fucking braces because the item eating black-hole that comes with ADHD stole them. The intersection of mental and physical disabilities is probably a rant for another time though, so back to chronic pain.

Does it suck? Yes, undoubtedly. Is this incredibly debilitating? Of course it is, I spent the last several months unable to feed myself without assistance because there was a staircase between my room and the kitchen and I could only manage to climb it once a day. Is it overwhelming? Definitely, I’ve frequently broken down crying from a combination of pain and frustration because I’m having a bad day and there’s no relief to be found. Am I able to predict when it’s going to rain with uncanny accuracy because any change in barometric pressure makes me feel like every bone in my body is trying to kill it’s neighbors? You bet your fucking ass I am!! Does it sometimes make me irritable, angry, and occasionally dismissive of when abled people get cold or a temporary injury because the stuff they’re complaining about is my life every single day and all avenues of treatment and recovery I have could take years and still not entirely solve my issues? Yeah, and while I deserve a little extra patience I also have to be sure to check myself because I don’t want to turn into someone who’s nasty to be around. Do I sometimes need to sleep for 17 hours straight because it’s raining, I have migraine, and I’m in too much pain to be conscious? Yup, sometimes a few days in a row. Does living in constant pain mean I’m unable to do all the things I want to and does that sometimes make me wanna curl up in bed and never leave? Yeah, it happens.

But! And here’s the big important but, that’s not everything! I still write, draw, and talk to my friends!! It might take me a little longer but I get there. I’m still happy and excitable and make the time to write out five page long posts about EDS because it’s something I’m passionate about! My chronic pain doesn’t stop me. I refuse to let it. I never really wanted to go mountain climbing anyway, so I’m perfectly happy being able to make it up and down the six steps in my house, even if sometimes I have to sit and bump down them on my ass, or crawl up them like a cat. Chronic pain isn’t all I am. It isn’t a fate worse than death. It isn’t the only thing your character should talk about (though I do talk about my pain a lot cause I’m a complainer about almost everything). You can have your character be hindered by their pain, realistically they would be. You can have them seek comfort, support, and relief. Other characters can commiserate and be sympathetic, but it doesn’t mean their whole life is going to be one big pity party, that would be incredibly fucking boring. I know I’d be bored out of my mind.

All that said dealing with chronic pain, especially from EDS, is Complicated. Physical Therapy is the gold standard, but like I said before it can be a long and difficult process, and isn’t always accessible. Stabilization methods like I talked about before can help prevent pain, or reduce it by keeping bones mostly where they belong. Heat and cold help joints, relax muscles, and reduce inflammation but keeping them applied is rough and the relief doesn’t always last. Doctors prescribe anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, and sometimes even anti-epileptic medication to help manage pain, but everyone’s mileage with those varies. And I’m not at all qualified to talk in-depth about narcotics or other heavy duty pain-meds, but suffice to say the war on drugs fucked shit up for people that legit need that kind of help BIG TIME.

Now for my closer/bonus rant about EDS and Disability Writing in General!

Everyone always says write what you know, so if you really want to do disabled people justice, get to know disabled people! Make friends with disabled people, get involved with advocacy groups, consume content made by disabled creators both about disability and not! Disabilities are so fucking diverse, even EDS is such a complex disorder, and comes with so many potential co-morbidities, that practically everyone with it has a unique experience. There’s no way I can fully explain everything in a tumblr post. Hell, even if I could talk to you for hours probably couldn’t give you enough info to answer all your questions (especially since I’m still in diagnosis hell :,) ), so talk to a wide range of people with EDS and other disabilities!! I know it sounds like a lot of work but trust me, disabled people are some of the strongest, raddest, coolest, people you will ever meet that it won’t feel like it.

And don’t be afraid either, the fact that EDS and other disabilities are so wildly varied means that you have a little bit of wiggle room with your character’s experience. There’s so little disability rep out their I think people are WAY to scared to try their hand at writing it. So long as your character is a fully developed person in addition to being disabled, you give some logical thought as to how it would affect their life, and you don’t make their disability the butt of any joke it isn’t difficult to avoid ableist writing. PLEASE WRITE MORE DISABLED PEOPLE AND PEOPLE WITH CHRONIC PAIN/CHRONIC ILLNESS!!

Okay that’s it, again sorry it took so long for me to get back to you! My fingers were being little pests about it, and my ADHD (which is honestly more disabling than everything else a lot of the time lmao) was being an asshole! Hope this helps, and feel free to ask me more questions if you need clarification! It might take me a bit but I do love talking about this stuff.

#neela-chaan #ehlers danlos syndrome #EDS #hEDS #hypermobile ehlers danlos #disability #writing advice #disability writing #Chronic Pain #asks #SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG IM JUST SLOW #also i'm sorry the formatting is such a wreck #my adhd won't let me go back and fix it #and i've already spent way too much time

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emotionalsupportbun-chan · 4 years

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dani sent me a text without punctuation, which i then interpreted as a very specific fic request

this became so much more than I thought it was going to be and *i guess* there’ll have to be more

so anyway here’s afab Zhao

nsfw, obv.

Almost, Almost. Kasuga said it was close. An empty building, still unsold, still draining a dead man’s bank account. It was technically squatting, but no one would think to look for them there and none of them could quite handle a bar right now.

They leaned on each other, stumbling down the narrow alleys of the Red Light district, the support both physical and emotional. Saeko shouldered more of Kasuga’s weight than Zhao had assumed she could. Themself and Joon-Gi embraced like drunkards on a dance floor, each a load-bearing wall to the other. Just focus. One step after another, one foot in front of the other, until the gaudy facade of an abandoned soapland came into view.

The door was unlocked. That should have been reason for concern, but “preoccupied” was an understatement. The interior was quiet nonetheless, air stagnant, dank from the lingering moisture of the establishment’s past. A layer of dust covered the front desk, the phone, the pictures of the smiling girls that still adorned the walls. The scattering of bubbly brunettes, headshots subtly retouched, greeted them in the absence of their late boss as the party silently trudged up the stairs, each one picking a room. Zhao went straight down to the end of the hall to a room they knew was still fully stocked with a variety of therapeutic oils and herbs. With the finish line in sight, each step became a battle of its own; each one highlighting a new ache, a yet undiscovered cut, a deep bruise. Their legs felt like jelly, like the bones could slide out onto the floor at any moment. After an eternity, they hit the threshold, not so much opening the door as letting the weight of their body fling it to the side. Inside, they found the room not entirely as expected.

“Oh…?” Surprise, disappointment, irritation. A great cacophony of feelings arose at the sight of another person in the room, and somehow they all fit neatly into that one word.

“Huh?” The figure rose from their crouched position in front of the sliding doors of the storage closet. It was a woman - inky black hair cut short, face unadorned by makeup aside from striking oxblood lipstick, athletic outfit both fashionable and utilitarian. “Fuckin’ hell, ya look like ya tried to fist-fight a wreckin’ ball.”

Ignoring the surprisingly accurate comment, Zhao tried to slip into the old Scary Gang Boss performance. They didn’t know who this woman was, but they were fairly certain she didn’t belong here. “Hey! You…” But the energy quickly faded, intensity falling from their voice. “Just get out.” They hoped that tone could carry the rest of the message as the words failed to come. I have a lot of questions, but no drive to ask them right now.

“I’m serious, ya got fucked up.” There was genuine concern in this stranger’s voice. “Come sit down before ya fall over an’ hit yer head ’r somethin’.” She approached, guiding Zhao to a rickety chair in the corner. “Didn’t mean to cause any problems, I thought this place was abandoned,” she said, resuming her search through some boxes stacked at the bottom of the closet.

Zhao sank into the seat and watched her, trying not to concentrate on the throb of torn muscle. More questions came and were dismissed, deemed not worth the effort of speech. They couldn’t help but notice how well her ass filled out her athletic leggings, though.

“Is that so?” They took a breath, gathering the will to continue the conversation-slash-interrogation. “Strange, I didn’t know Kansai thieves came in such pretty packages.” They wanted the comment to be something more aggressive, but the flirtation was instinct; the quip slipped out before they even thought to stop it. It was met with a sharp jab to the side by a single manicured nail.

“A comedian, huh? Very funny.” She upended another small box. “Damn…”

“But really, who are you? What are you doing here?” They let their voice go quiet and calm, an almost-threat, Serious Business Zhao. Great ass aside, an intruder was an intruder. And sure, they didn’t have the strength to put up much of a fight, if it came to that, but Quiet Menacing usually did the trick.

“I used to work here.” Another box, inspected and discarded. Finally, she fell back out of a squat, now sitting on the floor in a crab-like position, red faced with the effort of her frantic search. An errant strand of hair fell into her face and was blown away in a huff. She wore her frustration openly. It was cute as hell.

Oh, now you’ve done it. They tried to come out with something slick and witty. “Hi, ‘I used to work here’. I’m Zhao.” They threw a half-smile on for good measure. Nailed it.

That frustration gave way to something between second-hand embarrassment and disgust. “Really?”

She stood abruptly, gracefully. It seemed the athletic outfit wasn’t just for show. “As I was sayin’, I used to work here. Just got back in town and had to pick up some stuff I left behind. Looks like one of the other girls already got to it, though.” She paused, stretching. “Sucks about Nonomiya,” she added, the murder of her boss an afterthought.

With new found high ground, she looked down at Zhao, licked a thumb, and tried to smudge away a line of blood on their cheek. “What’re you doin’ here?”

“We, uh, wanted a bath.” They motioned toward the door, shifting uncomfortably through the strange woman’s fussing. “A friend of mine briefly worked for Nonomiya.”

“Huh.” She began to inspect their various cuts and contusions. “Ya know any first aid? This is gonna take more’n a Toughness to fix.”

“Not really.” Nothing more than the basics. Usually they’d just go see a Liumang doctor, but that wasn’t exactly an option anymore.

“Lemme fix ya up then, it’s the least I could do.” She chuckled to herself. “Ya looked like yer soul’d left yer body, seein’ me in here.” She turned and started the bath running, opening the jars and bottles that she’d pulled out of the closet. Zhao watched as she mixed a scoop of this or that into the rising water and popped open a still-sealed medical kit. She tore open and arranged packets of gauze and astringent pads as the bath filled, a mise-en-place that would satisfy even the pickiest nurse. She’d even produced a basic suturing kit. “Go on, get in! I’m doin’ ya a favor here.” She tugged at the collar of their jacket.

The transition to standing upright was not without pain. “Uh…” Sure, this might as well happen. “Yeah...ok, fine.” They carefully removed the leather jacket, the shorts, the shoes, folding them neatly and placing them on the chair Zhao had once occupied. Knowing my luck, I’d fall asleep and drown if I had to do it myself.

“Hurry up,” She waved a hand in their direction. “It’s not nothin’ I haven’t seen a million times before.” Unsatisfied with their pace, the woman began to rapidly, procedurally, unbutton Zhao’s shirt, deft fingers working more quickly than they’d assumed the nails would allow. “Oh!” She stopped about half way down as the shirt fell open to reveal the sturdy sports bra beneath it. “Sorry, guess I just assumed…”

“Don’t worry about it, easy mistake.” It wasn’t exactly a secret. Anyone who’d been in the Liumang long enough knew the old boss never had a son, but Zhao wasn’t going to stop any new blood from making convenient assumptions. They finished undressing themself as the woman stood in contemplation and slowly stepped into the bath, smiling at the stranger’s quiet nice. “If this changes anything…”

“Oh, no.” She settled onto a short stool behind Zhao’s back and rolled up the sleeves of her sweater. “If anything, my job just got easier. Don’t gotta worry about any wayward, uh, anatomy.” Her tone was cool, casual, but Zhao knew when their body was being appreciated. They had that effect on some people. Mostly girls. Men typically didn’t like someone they perceived as a woman having shoulders as broad and well-muscled as theirs.

Once they were settled, the stranger set to work. Whatever she mixed into the bath stung as it came into contact with the various cuts across Zhao’s body, but soothed sore muscles and joints better than any concoction they could have come up with. The initial inspection was thorough; the woman was unhesitant in picking up limbs and manipulating skin. She didn’t seem to find anything worth stitches - the few cuts that were a little more than just a scratch got spritzed with wound wash and treated with an antibiotic ointment. She rubbed some kind of cream over the larger bruises.

Once satisfied with the state of their wounds, she started working the shoulders and neck. First gentle, but firm, presses of knuckles to loosen the knots. Then she really set in, putting her full weight behind an elbow, working just under the base of their neck. It hurt at first, and Zhao almost called it quits, but after a minute or so the tension gave way and their legs - their whole body, for that matter - turned to jelly once again. They had a brief spike of worry - they were helpless under her hands; this would be a perfect opportunity for an assassin - but the thought left as quickly as it came as she moved lower down their back, pushing the heels of her hands into their spine and hitting each vertebra one by one. “Relax, relax. I’m not gonna hurt ya.” She must have felt the moment of tension. Zhao tried to respond, but the words that came devolved immediately into a low moan at the return of the elbow. No use; resistance was futile. They were putty.

Eventually - unfortunately - the massage ended. As the woman pulled her arms out of the water, Zhao could have sworn they felt the barely-there sensation of her fingers trailing the outline of the phoenix inked across their back. Before they could say anything, she leaned in, pressing the side of her face against theirs. “All better?” she said, lips grazing the bit of neck just below the ear. Not even a kiss, just a whisper of heat. Her voice had changed, becoming something saccharine and syrup-dipped, dripping with anticipated carnality. Oh, a full service experience? Zhao didn’t anticipate this being part of the deal, but who could turn down such a skilled professional? The woman was a master of her art. The hands soon returned, this time settling low on the hips, drifting slowly around to the front of their body. Her chest plastered against their back, chin nestled in the crook of their neck, the first finger slipped between their legs...

A voice sounded, somewhere down the hall, barely squeezing through a quickly narrowing tunnel of desire. Something about Survive and karaoke and Joon-gi said he’ll sing this time, are you done yet?

Without warning, the warmth of her body pressed against them disappeared as the woman pulled away and snatched a bag off the floor, leaving Zhao red-faced and stupefied. “Looks like it’s time for me to scram.” Back to business. No more Sexy Soapland Girl. “Put this on yer bruises ‘til they go away,” she said, dropping a tube of cream onto the stool as she hurried toward the door.

“Wait, who - “ Zhao tried to hoist themself out of the bath only to find their legs still shaky as a foal’s. They slipped back in with a wet plunk, sloshing water over the edge and onto the floor. By the time they’d righted themself, the woman was long gone and Kasuga had come wandering in with a towel to hassle them about their bathing habits. After a moment of teasing, they were left to dry, and dress, and try to pretend they weren’t wet in more ways than one.

It would be hours until they realized they didn’t remember seeing the woman’s face among the portraits over in the waiting room.

#lordt im rusty #og content

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arcadiahoney · 4 years

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OTP Question Meme

I was tagged by @bimollymauks a little while ago, tysm Kit!!

Posting this on my oc blog, since I still feel goofy talking about them even though I love them so very much.

I have these vampires on the brain. I took out a few questions that didn’t work well for them. Here we go!

DISAGREEMENTS.

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

Both of them, but never shouting or yelling. Just a little louder to emphasize their point.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

Neither. That’s a huge thing to say and neither would ever do that.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

Neither.

Who trashes the house?

Neither would do that.

Do either of them get physical?

NO!!

How often do they argue/disagree?

They butted heads a little on anarch stuff back when they first met, but now they pretty much agree on most things. If they argue now, it tends to be about one of them being reckless (usually Audrey).

Who is the first to apologize?

Could be either. They don’t like to stay mad at each other for long.

FAMILY.

Do they plan on having children/or have children?

They can’t have kids, can’t even adopt being what they are and the life they live. This makes Audrey sad sometimes, since she had wanted them at some point in her life before her embrace.

If so, how many children do they want/have?

Audrey would have wanted like three.

AFFECTION.

Who likes to cuddle?

Audrey openly loves to cuddle, and though he may not ever admit it, so does Nines.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?

Audrey slightly more so because she’s a pretty handsy person and always loves to be close but Nines often finds himself having to keep from reaching out to her. They settle for more subtle touches. They tried to keep their relationship on the down low in public for a while unless around close friends who already knew (it got out anyway). But when alone? They don’t hold back.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

Audrey would stay like that forever if she could, and he certainly wouldn’t complain, but of course, they have a lot to do.

What is their favorite non-sexual activity?

Taking walks around downtown, fighting something together, just hanging out alone or going to a lookout over the city.

Where is their favorite place to cuddle?

The couch in their apartment.

SLEEPING.

I’m gonna break with the vt/m canon regarding how vampires sleep/torpor, because I can! :))))

Who snores?

Seeing as how they don’t need to breathe, I don’t think they would snore?

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?

They share a bed after Audrey finally convinces him to move into her apartment with her.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

They usually are cozied up in some fashion. It took him a little while to get used to it, because he’s slept alone for so long, but now he loves having someone that close. Someone he trusts that much.

What do they wear to bed?

Audrey wears a tank top and shorts, sometimes a cute matching pj set or a big oversized t shirt and her underwear. He wears pj shorts or boxers and no shirt or a tank top

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

No, they wouldn’t work or need them anyway.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?

Both, it just depends on the night.

Who wakes up with bed hair?

These vampires can move in their sleep/torpor in my canon, so they both do. Audrey thinks his ruffled-up bed hair is so cute.

Who wakes up first?

Almost always Nines, because he’s been a vampire far longer and is just more acclimated to the whole vampire sleep thing. Audrey was a late-sleeper as a human, too.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

Sadly, no breakfast in bed for them.

What is their favorite sleeping position?

Audrey likes to lay her head on his chest, and he will wrap an arm around her. Otherwise, cuddled up on their sides.

Do they set an alarm each night?

They don’t technically need them.

Who has nightmares?

Both, Audrey more frequently.

Can a television be found in their bedroom?

Yes, though they rarely use it. They’d rather sit in the living room for that, and Nines doesn’t watch much tv anyway.

Who has ridiculous dreams?

Audrey, which she loves regaling others with.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

Nines, through he swears its unintentional.

Who makes the bed?

They both make their side of the bed. They have to do it as soon as they wake up or it would never be done. As a consequence, many days it stays unmade.

What time is bed time?

Dawn, as soon as that sun starts to rise its lights out for vamps.

Any routines/rituals before bed?

Just the usual, showers, putting on pjs, curling up together and sometimes talking a little.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

Audrey. It takes her a little while to adjust to being awake.

WORK.

Who is the busiest?

Probably Nines, since he has a lot to take care of. But Audrey keeps very busy, too, with her own responsibilities.

Who rakes in the highest income?

I guess Audrey, since she owns half of Confession and Nines doesn’t actually have a paying job. I know he has the Last Round as a haven, but I don’t know if he actually owns it. ?

Are any of them unemployed?

Technically Nines, and pretty much Audrey, too. They dedicate most of their time to the anarchs. How these anarchs raise any money for necessary expenses without some kind of stable income I don’t know. At least the Camarilla+Ventrue have that sorted out!

Who takes the most sick days?

They don’t have to worry about getting sick, but Audrey likes to take some time off from her anarch duties for “fun days.”

What are their jobs?

Nines is the leader of the LA anarchs. Audrey is a prominent member of the anarchs, and also co-owns a club downtown, Confession.

Who sucks up to their boss?

Neither, since they don’t really have a boss. Technically Nines is the boss, but he already doesn’t like people to think of him that way, so he wouldn’t like for others to try and suck up to him.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?

Audrey, but only around 10 mins late at most. She’s always on time for meetings and the like, but a trip into the warrens or something less appealing? Perhaps she will be running a little behind.

Who stresses the most?

Audrey, but only ever after the fact. Some of her impulsive antics do stress him out, though.

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

They both are very dedicated to LA, and wouldn’t imagine doing anything else.

Are they financially stable?

I would guess so. Audrey should make enough with the club to pay her rent, but I wonder if the Camarilla owned the apartment building and had paid for her apartment? If so, now that they are gone, who owns it? I have no idea pfffft

HOME.

Domestic vampires!!!! WW is too cowardly to give us domestic vamps, but I’m not babey!

Who does the washing?

Audrey, since Nines probably doesn’t even know how to work a washing machine.

Who takes out the trash?

He would do this as a trade off.

Who does the ironing?

Either of them, if they needed to iron something, they would just do it. Though Audrey hates ironing.

Who does the cooking?

Neither, since they can’t eat. But Audrey handles making sure they have a supply of blood bags as needed.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

Back when she was human, Audrey was terrible at cooking.

Who is messier?

Nines. He’d be more likely to leave something sitting out because he “needs it later.”

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

Miraculously, they both usually manage not to do this.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

Audrey would be the one to lose her keys, and they’d probably be right in front of her.

Who answers the telephone?

They only have cellphones, but if they had a home phone neither would answer it lol. Audrey is more likely to answer her cellphone, but only if she knows who it is.

Who mows the lawn?

They live in an apartment, so no lawn to mow!

Who does the vacuuming?

Now that’s a funny picture. They both would put it off until it absolutely couldn’t wait any longer. Then Audrey would suggest they flip a coin or something similar for it.

Who does the groceries?

Audrey would shop for necessities on her own most of the time, but would drag him along at every available opportunity. She likes doing human things, and all the better if she’s doing them with him :(

Who takes the longest to shower?

Audrey.

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?

Audrey, for sure. Always gotta make sure she looks cute even if she’s about to go into the sewers :/

MISCELLANEOUS.

Is money a problem?

They certainly aren’t rolling in it, but I think they’d have enough for what they needed. And they are both happy with that.

How many cars do they own?

He has his motorcycle, Audrey has some sort of transportation eventually, since she gets tired of taking a cab. Maybe a small car, but she only uses it for longer distances.

What’s their song?

Currently its Hanging by a Moment by Lifehouse

Do they live in the city or in the country?

They live in downtown Los Angeles.

Do they own their home or do they rent?

They rent (?) that apartment, I assume. Boy, now this is going to bother me not knowing ajsklsks

(me trying to figure out these vampires’ finances is like that meme of charlie from iasi/p at this point)

Do they enjoy their surroundings?

As much as someone can enjoy living in LA. But really they do love it, for all its faults. LA is home.

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

For Nines, whatever anarch business he needs to attend to. For Audrey, her own anarch duties, shopping, and checking in on other anarchs like Isaac.

Where did they first meet?

Technically the night in the Nocturne Theatre downtown when Audrey was supposed to be executed alongside her sire. First time face to face was after Nines saved her from the Sabbat.

Who spends the most money when out shopping?

Audrey.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?

Audrey, but its usually something like a new sword or something silly like a cat shirt or a mood ring. Nines isn’t the type show off anything, but he wouldn’t mind if someone happened to admire his motorcycle.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

Both are pretty stable on their feet, but neither would find it funny per say. It would just be like, “you alright?”

Who’s terrified of bugs?

Audrey is not a fan, but doesn’t like killing them. Nines tries to point out to her that you know, she’s a vampire and its just a little bug, but she won’t have any part of it.

Who kills the spiders around the house?

Audrey convinces a slightly exasperated Nines to take spiders outside.

Do they have any fears for their future?

Both of them have similar fears. Namely, that they will not be able to defend LA if someone tries to take it from the anarchs again. That’s always a very real fear. Also, they both fear losing each other, because they know that’s a possibility with the life they lead.

Their favorite place?

The (werewolf-free) overlook they go to for some peace and quiet, as well as the roof of the Last Round.

Who pays the bills?

Audrey would handle it.

Who’s the tallest?

Nines (I headcanon him at like 5′10 ish maybe???, Audrey is 5′5)

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

Audrey. She never gets any complaints.

Who wanders around in their underwear?

Both would.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

Audrey.

What do they tease each other about?

Audrey definitely teases him about his age and his cool guy routine from when they first interacted. He teases her about her aim.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

She doesn’t cringe, but does try and get him to change up his fashion sense. He still dresses like its 1949 for goodness’ sake. He doesn’t even question the sometimes wacky things she wears anymore. He’s just used to it by now.

Who crushed first?

Probably Audrey, but not for too much longer. They didn’t start crushing for real until after the events of the game.

Any alcohol or substance related problems?

No.

Who swears the most?

Nines. Audrey doesn't swear that much, but when she does, you know she means business.

if anyone read all of this rambling I am so sorry askskjajskal but you have all of my <3<3<3s forever

#oop this is amy forgot to put that in the post #x: at your side #I still feel like I'm being cringey for talking about my ocxcanon ships #wish I didn't #ah well

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brushstrokesapocalyptic · 5 years

Photo

The Legend of Asriel PART 6 | DEATH MOUNTAIN

it’s about as unpleasant as it sounds.

Frisk and Chara reach Death Mountain, and their first order of business is seeking out a blacksmith who can reforge their sword. There’s a bit of a famine going on right now so none of the Gorons are in working condition, but someone happens to direct Frisk to a Zora who lives just out of Goron City.

Following those directions, Frisk and Chara find an elderly turtle man sunning himself on the edge of a hot spring. Chara recognizes him and is confused as to why he’s here. Frisk knows not of their history with this guy though, and just walks up to ask if he can help reforge their sword.

Gerson laughs and says he’s not called the Hammer for nothing, he’s sure he can fix whatever toy sword they broke during target practice. Frisk removes the bundle from their backpack and shows him the shards of the Master Sword. Gerson rubs at his chin. “Hmm. Tricky one, that.”

Can you do it? Frisk writes in their notebook.

“The blade shouldn’t be too hard, I’ve got all the material I need here.“ Chara resists the urge to bring up the missing piece. “The hilt is harder, it’s made of a special material you can’t just melt down and cast into a new shape. I’d need to make another from scratch.“

Is it rare?

“Somewhat. As luck would have it, there is a deposit in the nearby mines, but those are flooded out.”

Frisk looks him up and down. ...Aren’t you like, a turtle? Surely a little water can’t stop you.

Gerson laughs heartily. “A little water is nothing, even for my old bones. Lava, however, poses quite a risk.“

Frisk makes a soft noise of understanding. If I got you a piece of this stuff, could you reforge it then?

“Of course!“ Gerson says. “I’d be delighted to, in fact. Not everyone can say they reforged the Legendary Blade of Evil’s Bane!“

Frisk beams, bundles the shards back up, and tells Gerson they’ll be back soon before hurrying off again. Chara trails them with a skeptical look. “Okay I appreciate the enthusiasm, but how exactly do you plan to get this weird rock? Do you have a supplier or something?”

Frisk slows to a stop, staring into the sky with a look of impending realization.

“...You didn’t think that far ahead, did you.“

Frisk most assuredly didn’t, but they won’t let that stop them! They do some more poking around, and eventually encounter a Hylian bard living it up in the town square, providing a brief moment of levity for the Gorons in this trying time.

Chara wonders how he can stand wearing such impractical clothing in this sweltering volcano, and Mettaton offhandedly mentions something about the laboratory near the peak before he registers that the person he just replied to is a ghost.

The dude doesn’t stick around, leaving Frisk and Chara with just the clue pointing towards the laboratory. It’s not much, but it’s all they’ve got, so they go to investigate.

The lab seems abandoned at first, all dark and messy and stuff. Frisk pokes around a bit, not giving it up as a lost cause just yet, and then Chara hears a weird scuffling noise. Frisk sees them tense, and they turn around just in time to see a flash of golden scales vanishing around a corner.

They give chase, and with a little help from Chara they track down the mysterious creature. A light flickers on, and Frisk finds themself face to face with a yellow Lizalfos in a lab coat.

For a moment, the two of them stare each other, down. Frisk isn’t quite sure what to make of the monster, and the Lizalfos looks kinda like a deer in the headlights. After a moment, though, Frisk’s hand inches towards their sword, and the Lizalfos rears back not to attack, but to frantically wave her hands defensively.

“Wait wait wait I can explain!“ she says, and it takes Chara a moment to dart into the right spot to interpret because they were not expecting a talking lizard. “Y-you see, I’m not a-actually a monster! I-I’m Dr. Alphys, and I’m t-t-totally a normal person, I’m j-just cursed to look like this! J-j-just c-cursed!“

Frisk raises an eyebrow, removing their hand from their sword and straightening up. They glance at Chara, who just shrugs, then dig out their notebook again. Do you need any help with that?

“N-n-no, it’s quite alright!“ Alphys says, looking a little sheepish. “I-I-I don’t get out much s-s-so it’s not like it matters how I look! I’ve got all my brains u-up here, s-so I’m fine!”

Frisk nods, relieved that they don’t have to add another layer to this fetch quest chain. I heard you can make heat-resistant clothing, they write.

“Where did you—“ Alphys starts, before pausing. “O-oh, I suppose I did give Mettaton some of my prototypes... how were they, by the way? That guy never gives me useful feedback.“

Frisk shrugs. He didn’t look bothered by the heat, but honestly it’s not that bad.

“Speak for yourself,“ Chara comments. “I’d be dying if I weren’t already dead. You’re just a weird desert gremlin.“

Frisk ignores them.

Alphys, unaware of the ghost floating next to her, nods thoughtfully. “Good, good, the tests I ran seemed positive but it’s good to have more data. Oh— w-were you interested in my fireproof clothing as well?“

Frisk nods. If it’s available, I’d like to buy a set.

“O-of course! Might I ask what you n-need it for?“

I wanna go into the mines but I hear they got flooded with lava.

Alphys pauses. “...Erm, a-and why do you want that?”

I need a special stone to reforge this legendary sword that got broken.

A long moment passes between them.

“...Can’t argue with that,“ Alphys says, then turns and walks away.

Frisk pays up and Alphys custom fits them with a nice heatproof tunic which I haven’t designed yet, but I probably will eventually and whenever that happens I’ll probably edit in a picture here.

But anyway now they’re decked out in sweet fashion and so they trek off to the mines, which are another dungeon. I don’t have nearly as much to say as I did for the Lost Caverns. It’s a bunch of mines and stuff, there’s magma. They get the Burnt Hammer, which is basically the equivalent of the burnt pan but like. It’s a hammer. And there’s some kinda a monster or possessed machinery or a monster possessing machinery, and after Frisk kicks its ass the mines go back to normal and everyone rejoices and they get a cool blue rock which happens to be timeshift stone but shhhhhhh it’s not that important.

And so they return triumphantly to Gerson’s forge, materials in tow, and ask him to reforge the Master Sword for them. Gerson laughs, declares that they truely do have the soul of a hero. Then he asks what kind of sword they’d like him to make it into, at which point they kinda stall out because they were kinda assuming it’d just be forged back into its original shape.

“Nonsense,“ Gerson says. “Trying to copy the original perfectly is a fool’s errand, and if it’s going to be reforged for a new wielder why not have them choose its shape?“

Frisk agrees with this reasoning, but they don’t know enough about swords to make a decision. Chara, however, does. They tap Frisk on the shoulder, an odd glint in their eye, and spell something out for Frisk to write in their notebook. They show it to Gerson, and he clearly knows what it means as he laughs again and gets right to work on that sword.

It takes time to make a sword, and so Frisk stays a couple nights in Gerson’s cottage. Chara keeps randomly snickering every time the Master Sword comes up in conversation, and they refuse to explain themself, so Frisk just resigns themself to finding out what they told Gerson to make when the sword is done.

After the better part of a week has passed with Frisk doing various sidequests for the Gorons, Gerson finally presents them with the reforged Master Sword.

Frisk unwraps it from the cloth covering carefully, examining the sheath before tugging it free to look at the blade. It’s beautifully crafted, the hilt carved into something reminiscent of a bird while the blade is razor sharp. They can’t help but admire the craftsmanship, and even Chara pauses to ooh and aah a little before they collapse into another fit of giggles.

“You know, it’s kinda funny you picked that kind of sword,“ Gerson comments, and Chara barely manages to pull themself back together enough to interpret. “See, there was this young whippersnapper I used to know, and they always said that was their favourite kind of sword. You know why?“

Frisk tilts their head in a silent question.

“They said it was ‘cause of the way the hilt is put together,“ Gerson explains. “In their words, it isn’t technically a sword. Just a very large knife.“

Chara descends into a full on fit of laughter. Frisk stands there for a long moment, then looks back down at the Master Sword. Then they set it down and take out their notebook. Does that make this the Master Knife, then?

Gerson joins Chara in laughing. “I like your style,” he tells them, as he follows them to the door. “Remember me after you’ve saved the world, alright, kid?”

Frisk nods, slinging the Master Knife over their back, and slaps Chara on the shoulder on the way out to get them to stop laughing already, it’s not that funny.

(It’s absolutely that funny, Chara insists inside their own head. God they love knives.)

[Next Part] [Index]

#loz ut #loz #undertale #legend of zelda #i am an excellent artist #my writing #well this took a while

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wavemaker9 · 5 years

Text

So far I think Toni has like 4 potential ships for him? Remind me if I’m forgetting anyone but so far I think it’s just Cami, Mel, Gil, and Ivan who’ve gotten a focus on.

I also think I already touched on how Cami’s the best for Toni in the same way that Mel is for Austin and Ivan is for Kyle, so I prolly don’t need to go too deep into those two. I will say I had the thought the other day of like a need vs want thing with the three boy’s ships, and like. I think it was that Austin needs Mel but doesn’t usually want her right away, Kyle both wants and needs Ivan like right at the start, and like. Toni needs Cami a little but I do think he wants her more than he needs her. Mainly just cause like. We’ve discussed this in discord but not on here so basically for a written record, We were talking about Cami being a source of character development for Toni in GTA AU but then countered that because in GTA AU he really doesn’t develop any from his relay with Cami. He does for a little bit I guess but then regresses right back to normal because he’s a dumb idiot who learns nothing from his mistakes. It’s the same thing with the issue with Gil, he doesn’t come away from that going “I need to value and trust my friends more because we care about each other and I’ve known them long enough to not only recognize that, but /recognize it in a way that adjusts my behavior accordingly/”. He doesn’t. Like. If you talked him through the whole thing with Gil and Francis, you could get him to quickly admit he genuinely doesn’t believe there’s any way that Gil or Francis would, unprovoked, betray him. But then also be like “But technically there’s some way, so gotta be prepared.” HE’S THAT BATMAN LINE. THE DUMB ONE ABOUT “IF TEHRE’S A .1% CHANCE HE COULD BE OUR ENEMY WE HAVE TO TREAT THAT AS A 100% CERTAINTY!” Dumb idiot. I think it’s just that like. Because Toni wants to be prepared for everything so that he can handle everything, he has a hard time prioritizing probability over possibility. And that’s probably true in any AU but especially in ones like GTA where he has more to lose and has learned to be more paranoid. He knows the probability of Gil betraying him is like so small it’s basically 0%, but also Toni can think of ways that would force Gil to pick a side and have Toni be that losing side. Threatening Ludwig is the biggest one (and I’d assume there’d be an equivalent for Francis of “if someone threatened X if Francis didn’t betray me, he’d have to pick X”), but Toni probably also assuming that if it came down to a thing of picking Francis or him, Gil’d pick Francis. Similarly, Toni assumes Francis would pick Gil if Gil forced Francis’ hand, while not also considering the fact that if your two causes are “Francis would betray me if Gil made him” and “Gil would betray me if Francis made him” and you don’t have any other factor that would prompt either Francis or Gilbert to make that move to push the other in the first place, then those aren’t really possible/probable causes are they, Toni? Even if the other cause is “Someone threatened Ludwig/X to make Gil/Francis betray me, but he doesn’t want to fight me directly so he’s then convincing Francis/Gil to do it.” like. His independent mentality doesn’t even have him consider “They would come to me and the two of us could work out how to save Ludwig/X together.” He just assumes betrayal because that’s how shit works in Los Santos, and because he assumes betrayal even in the .1% chance this extreme event happens, he feels he has to be prepared for it and won’t fucking chill about it. And even when it’s pointed out to him “Do you realize how unrealistic this is,” that’s not what he cares about. He knows it’s unrealistic, but that doesn’t make it impossible. It’d be like always wearing a life jacket 24/7 in case your house floods. You can point out how unlikely the flooding is at any given time, but he’ll just counter “and then what if it happens and then I don’t have a life jacket????” Like I guess you’re technically prepared, sure, but at what cost. Ugh, Toni’s the worst, I can’t believe I took this character I liked the best out of my three and made him the worst in his inability to learn a goddamn lesson.

Similarly, GTA Toni doesn’t learn a goddamn thing from what happens with Cami either. He doesn’t learn to communicate better, he doesn’t learn to trust people and put more faith in their choices, he doesn’t learn not to lie needlessly. To him, it’s not a factor of “Things would be better if I HAD told the truth” and more “Things would be better if I’d BEEN ABLE to tell the truth” because he’s still in some dumb mindset of unintentionally not respecting Cami’s (or anyone’s, really) autonomy. He /couldn’t/ tell Cami the truth, he /couldn’t/ 100% trust Gil and Francis. Again, he’s not realizing that these were actual choices he made and are specifically his fault. They are what /had/ to happen because, given his own knowledge and no other input, they were the best option at the time and thus the only thing he could really do. Even after Cami snaps at him about how much his break up with her and everything hurt her, he laments factors that were outside of his control instead of recognizing the choices he made weren’t good. If only he hadn’t gotten into the crime business, if only he’d met Cami earlier in his life, if only X, if only Y, blah blah blah. He recognizes that he made things worse here, but it still feels to him like “cami would have been better off if she never met me or if she’d met me before I got into crime” vs “cami would have been better off if I’d treated her with more actual respect and not this romanticized old version of respect where I pull her chair out for her but don’t ask for her opinion on major life decisions”. All of it basically boils down to ‘this wasn’t solely on me because I did what I /had/ to do given the circumstances. Nevermind that I could have changed the circumstances by discussing /anything/ with /anyone/. *hanzo voice* I do what I must.’ I touched on this in the fic with him and Gil, but Toni leans on excuses a lot more than he likes to think he does. During mel’s fake death, he calls out Kyle for not planning ahead and being aware of the consequences his actions have until they’ve already happened, but Toni has the exact opposite problem of /always/ trying to plan ahead to a harmful level and only being aware of the connection any consequences that happen may have with his actions until he actually does the thing and then any mistakes were a flaw in fate itself really, he did his best.

Anyway, fuck, that was supposed to be 1 paragraph about the generic dynamic of cami and toni, not multiple trainwrecks about what a trainwreck I turned that boy into in GTA AU. Back to the point. A lot of that is lessened in the handful of other AUs where Cami and Toni end up together even briefly, so that’s good at least. I mentioned to Khep the other day the idea of a similar thing happening with Toni in Color Coded AU of him having an interest in Cami after meeting her thanks to investigating her for PRISM, but when seeing how truly kind she is, him trying to step back because, while he does value PRISM for the help it gave him with his powers, he recognizes it’s shady and manipulative towards coders at best and doesn’t want Cami involved in that world. PRISM keeps a close eye on every one of its heroes, even those that leave/retire if it can, and Toni probably believing that while Cami could stay under the radar if staying on her own, any serious involvement with him would put her more at risk of PRISM’s lasting attention and she doesn’t deserve them watching over her and possibly deciding when she should and shouldn’t join. But in that one, he’d actually talk to her. Instead of spending his YA years as an independent and pseudo-paranoid crime leader, he spends them in a large community and as the leader of a team where communication is key. This Toni /knows/ that it’s important to ultimately trust people with information in order to better protect themself, and the only reason he’d hide info from Cami while trying to break things off would be at the very start since it’d probably take a little effort to find a way to communicate with Cami where he could be sure PRISM wouldn’t be keeping tabs. In other more chill AUs he tends to be better about that shit, too. Firefly AU was brought up since that’s another Toni that learns to lie with priority, but they don’t really end up together in that one so agreeing with the point there fo it not being as much of a thing? Mel and Gil feel like bigger factors into his development there than Cami does. Honestly, I can’t remember many other AUs where they even interact let alone date, now that I think about it tho? There’s the one happy one where they’re both single parents but that always felt more like a focus on the interaction between the kids/kids+parents vs between the parents, like honestly the TonixCami factor there was definitely back burner whenever I thought about it. Ugh, there has to be other AUs, right? Okay and I just went through my page of AU/Xover lists and it seems like no. Wait OUAT, I forgot that, but that’s also a bad one but not my fault. God we really do need better AUs for them. But honestly there aren’t many AUs for any of these ships we’re here to talk about so I guess I’ll be as assuming here as for the others.

I do feel like a non-GTA and the like AU where Toni and Cami can end up together is good. I’m still standing behind what I said in discord the other day of like. Toni is not necessarily the best end for /Cami/ if the AU has anyone else like Cian in it. I’ll also add something new of like. Even though Cami is probably the best of the options so far for Toni, she’s not the /ideal/ match either. Which, tbf, the same is true for Austin and Mel, honestly? It falls back to the need vs want thing. Kyle lucked out and got someone who helps him better himself while also being the type of person he absolutely adores. Austin’s best option would be someone who challenges him similar to how Mel does, but in a more reserved way and someone he has a bit more in common with. Someone he could start off wanting, instead of learning to want after a long while. (That’s also part of why Aud is a better fit for Mel too, since Aud is a bit more open and accepting of challenges and such due to her past vs Austin who is really not here as much to be significantly challenged; Aud isn’t /looking/ for a challenge either exactly, but she won’t back away from one as quickly as Austin will). For Toni and his ideal, there’s obviously the thing of like. Usually a relay with Toni isn’t great for her either since it’s just. Their relationships always feel very romanticized but not super realistic? I could see them having a long term relay and being happy, especially in more chill/neutral AUs like the adopted family AU one, but I think it takes them both a medium to /long/ while to relax around each other. Which isn’t… the worst, but also, it just feels a little unhealthy having to try /to that level/ in a relationship. Like trying in a relay is good, trying to seem perfect in a relay isn’t so much, and it’d probably take a few years to a decade or so before toni starts to feel comfortable not trying to the max 24/7. And that’d be exhausting, and that’s for Toni who is used to and honestly lowkey thrives in a challenging environment, because Cami would in turn likely also feel the need to always be at her best regardless of Toni’s reassurances, and that’d be even worse for someone like her who is NOT already confident and believes herself as being at the best level already. Eventually they could settle into a really nice comfortable life together, and I think it’d be very good for both of them at that point, because they’re both very caring and passionate people at their cores, but it’d probably be rough to start off with.

Mel is next on the list and honestly a very good match for him, too, although probably not as challenging as he would need to key points. I’ll cover this more for Gil and Ivan later on but I picture Cami and Gil are better at challenging Toni in ways that he could use given his flaws, where as Mel is more middle ground and. God, Ivan. We’ll get to Ivan. With Mel, it’s not that she wouldn’t be capable of challenging him or anything. She’s honestly probably the most prepared for that and can probably shut down a lot of shit the first time she sees it and knows it’s bad. Toni doesn’t talk to her about something important and just does X thing and her confronting him immediately on it. Same with like the one fic I did for the rarepair thing. She sees he’s not honest about who he is and what he likes, and she talks to him right away to kind of address that and why it’s important to her that that change even a little if they’re going to stay together. Really, they are a good match in that they either compliment or contrast each other well. They’re both active worker types who enjoy fighting and such, and though there’d have to be some competition between them, I could imagine it being treated as more playfully competitive than full on “I have to be the best” aggressive. Toni’s more diplomatic and that helps Mel with socializing some times and kind of getting her to take a hot second when angry to calm down and think through her reactions so she doesn’t get too mad and make more enemies than friends. They really do work very well together when they try and it’s not like having each other wouldn’t help better them. Honestly the main reason I don’t move Mel up to the highest potential pairing is just that I don’t picture Mel as the sort that would inspire him to naturally want to change on anything that’s a major issue for him. Like he wouldn’t naturally want to fix the communication thing, he’d just see that mel doesn’t like this so he’d fix it. One of the things that causes Cami to appeal to him most is her being so nice and sweet leads to him trying to be a naturally nicer person and just genuinely care more about people. Tone down that pride and judgement and be more open minded and selfless. The other thing, as we’ll get into with gil, isn’t something he thinks he needs as much initially but would probably learn to recognize a need for more, and that’s just chilling the /fuck/ out for once and just having a breather. Again, he thrives on challenge and stuff, he loves putting 110% into everything if he can, but like. Just relaxing and being chill and not being the best is okay too? And that’s not like “do the work, take a nap, get back to work” that’s like “I don’t have to be prepared to defend my non-existent title on everything to impress people. I can just relax and be myself genuinely and it’s probably fine.”

So let’s just move onto Gil then since that’s the big pro when Toni gets to date him. Honestly, at least atm, I think Gil is the only person Toni ever knows that he feels like he can 100% relax with? Francis is close in most AUs, probably like 95% in more chill scenarios, but Gil has a much more natural way about him where he’s just so honest, it’s infectious to Toni. It really is why he likes Gil so much. Francis is arguably cooler and more fashionable and confident, but Gil seems to have this fucking ultimate zen thing going of owning who he is so completely which even Toni hasn’t mastered yet, and Toni thinks that’s the coolest. Great humor and confidence is a big factor into Toni befriending Gil so closely. Gil can always make Toni relax and laugh and forget his worries for a bit and Toni has such a chill genuine fun time when with Gil, and, again, for someone like Toni who feels like he has to try 110% minimum at all times, feeling comfortable in the moment enough to not feel like he has to impress and watch himself is really nice. Honestly? I feel like there are a lot of things Toni likes that he’s just kind of filtered out of his personality because of reputation, and it’s only when hanging out with gil or the full group that he’ll find himself doing that kind of shit again because he feels like he can get away with it more when with gil and/or francis. Like in a lot of AUs Gil’s probably the first one to get out of Toni that he does like being called Toño more, to the point of I don’t even know if Toni often fully realizes it until Gil gets him to stop and consider it. Like there’s just a lot of stuff like that where Toni doesn’t even think about it anymore. He found ‘Toni’ was the name people found easiest growing up (usually) in America, so he went with that until it felt like his preferred name. God, honestly I think there’s just a lot of Toni’s personality that might not really be his personality and who knows what is or isn’t at any given time? He probably doesn’t on a lot. I sure don’t, I’ve never had this boy down pat. Hell, there’s already the thing of him naturally wanting to swear a lot but training himself to cut that out so he really only does it around Francis and Gil. Like. Maybe dressing up in high business casual all the time is just something he’s convinced himself he likes? What if I say he actually hated tomatoes as a kid and just whoever his guardian is in each AU loved them and made them a lot so he eventually tricked himself into liking them?? I can do anything with this new power, incredible! But yeah, maybe that’s another factor of liking hanging out with Gil too is not just “oh I get to relax and enjoy things I don’t normally allow myself too” but also “sometimes I remember I enjoy things I haven’t done in years and that’s nice”. Fucking Gil one day just questioning “Hey how come you say ‘probably’ or ‘probably not’ a lot when I ask if you like a thing instead of just yes or no?” and then through a slow convo of having to break down toni’s answers because even toni doesn’t realize fully that he does this, that finally coming out and gil just baffled once things click. Gil showing up the next day with a bunch of foods from the store for toni to try and actually see if he likes them. Toni like I don’t think this is how it works, Gil. Gil teasing back ‘maybe you’ve just convinced yourself you don’t think this is how it works when the REAL toni would love my idea? It’s impossible to know!’ and toni just laughing but conceding, sure, yeah, sounds 100% legit and not at all bullshit, what’s first on your goofball buffet, bud?

Okay, distracted again, back to the point. Toni relaxing is good, but I think it’s better as a friendship thing longer term? Toni relaxing every once in a while is a good break, but his morals and priorities and such slip when he’s not careful. Which leads us to the last boy on the list, Ivan. ...Listen. I /love/ the compare and contrast factor between Toni and Ivan because they really do have a surprising amount in common for not seeming like they would at a glance. A couple of terrible smile boys, love them, /but also/. Not the greatest influences on each other. This is especially true in verses like GTA and Nationverse with baggage. Toni tries to be a better person and move past his bloody history, but given who he is, it requires a /lot/ of maintaining. And like the pro with Gil is that I think Gil would still mostly be a good enough influence where even while encouraging toni to relax more, he’d still be a more good than bad influence in almost any AU. Like even GTA, Gil is a chaotic good sort, and that’d be important. But Ivan is decidedly not in those sorts of AUs, and pairings between him and Toni have the potential for being the worst in those. GTA (and probably Nationverse too?), Ivan loves prying at that mask of Toni’s and so tries to instigate him more, that would lead to Toni then pushing back, and like. A long term relay between them in those AUs would be hard. You factor in that Toni’s trust issues are worse in those and his darker instincts are way stronger from his history + Ivan also probably very similar on a lot of those points too and also just has not learned to respect human life at all tbh? Toni’s trying to respect human life, but yknow sometimes it’s hard???? (anyone else: I find it’s not hard at all not to murder people. I often go long periods of time without killing anybody! | toni and ivan: we all have our draughts) I just picture in those AUs they are too much of a chaotic force when together and it would be damaging for themselves and/or others. Plus the idea came up once between Avi and I of the GTA fling between them becoming more romantic but god you’d have to find the perfect storm to really make that happen to be honest? It’s not /impossible/ but it’s very unlikely. Toni doesn’t trust ivan enough to let himself become that close to him really, and if he couldn’t allow himself to let down his walls for cami, it’d be damn fucking hard to get him to do it for ivan in turn. He’d pull himself back before he did, and that could be another factor of ivan trying to pry at toni and see how much he can push him, see if he can pull him back in, but that would just further sour any possibility of an actual romantic relationship. In better AUs where they aren’t both bad kids, it’s a little more possible, but I still think even then, they wouldn’t be /great/ influences on each other. Definitely better! They both learn to try and be on better behavior, but. yknow. The bar was set low; there’s only so many AUs that aren’t better than gta au.

#ignore this #the boss kid #amusing muse musings #hey you au #crossovers! unlimited crossovers!

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scarlettlawyer · 5 years

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Part five of my Phantoms & Mirages commentary, @renegadewangs‘ fic series.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Haunted Specters, Chapter 7

Despite the earlier warning not to touch anything, his attention was drawn to a nearby little statue built out of gears and bolts. It was shaped like a man with a top hat. He prodded it and its arm fell off. That effectively got him to stop touching things.

LOOOL

A few of the guards by the exit had smiled at her- one of them had winked at her.

I WAS LOWKEY DISAPPOINTED WHEN THE INITIAL BREAKOUT SCENE ENDED and there was nothing like this. At the time I was honestly like “Stuff it! I’m just gonna pretend people noticed how cute that nurse was!” But THEN, you actually went back to it (when I assumed the scene wouldn’t be returned to) and made it so that I didn’t even have to headcanon anything. Past me needed just a little patience ;D What else is new?

After all that time she- he- they had spent lying in bed, the exercise was unwanted.

Ohooh! I’d forgotten all about the uses of “they” here. I’m pretty sure I felt kind of annoyed on the first readthrough, like “WAIT SO YOU’RE DEMONSTRATING AWARENESS AND USE OF SINGULAR THEY, AND YET…”

But nah, nah, it’s actually pretty cool what’s going on with the pronouns in this segment and the switching going on. “He” is applied to statements that only apply to the phantom and not the makeshift nurse persona. “She” is employed for the makeshift nurse persona because the phantom is leaning on, relying on that persona, as they reject their sense of self and always feel the need to be someone else. As the nurse, the phantom thinks about “the phantom” in the third person, to help further keep that comfortable distance, I suppose. And “they” is used for statements that are true of both the nurse persona AND the phantom. Therefore, interestingly enough, the “they” is technically being applied in both a singular and plural manner - simultaneously.

And also, this pronoun-switching fun and the distinctions that are subsequently made would simply not exist if a consistent singular they was used instead. The he/she/they all serve an important and relevant purpose. On the first readthrough, at least during the first phantom POV breakout scene, I was irritated by the switch to she/her and the references between he & she. I found it unnecessary and tedious when “they” would make everything go so much more smoothly. But I fully realise now that it would have been a lost opportunity of sorts for the reasons mentioned above (and willingly embrace it for other reasons too). I had also very much underestimated the level of the phantom’s investment in roles and how much he was “getting into” the role too, I suppose.

After all, at the end of this chapter, the phantom has absolutely no one to perform for or put on an act for, and yet it specifically says they will very much remain as the nurse until a different disguise/persona can be donned (although I guess it’s also a case of “remain in character so you’re already in character when you encounter anyone”). But it’s also the case of, just like when they were disguised as Bobby, they were compelled to act as Bobby. They’re remaining in-character as the nurse so that they don’t have to be themself. And so that extends to pronouns too, to fully complete it.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 8

The situation felt surreal. As if Simon were caught in some sort of lucid dream. To be sitting around a table with Fulbright and the Phantom, plotting out what could technically be considered a crime…

I keep trying to put into words just how WILD the situation our three main characters are in is, but Simon keeps beating me to it.

If someone had told him of this situation earlier on in the year, he would’ve laughed and called them stark raving mad.

ME BUT IF SOMEONE TOLD ME THIS IS WHAT FIC 2 WAS GONNA BE LIKE

Bobby Fulbright, Simon Blackquill and the phantom sharing an apartment together? Having a meal together?

What do you mean this isn’t a Roommates Domestic AU? What do you MEAN this is “canon compliant”?! You try explaining this to someone who’s played Dual Destinies and Bobby Fulbright’s presence – his being alive – would be confusing enough and require so much explaining. Let alone EVERYTHING ELSE. And yet.

It wasn’t like Dissociative Identity Disorder, because no matter how invested he became in his role, he still retained a sense of self that could be brought back at will. He adopted roles willingly and studied his subject beforehand- perhaps neurotically so.

Yeah, I was glad for this being brought up but I was focused mainly on the level of control that was had – of course, one of the major defining differences is that the phantom can actively choose to adopt and shed a persona, as opposed to having less control over it or slipping more inadvertently into a different identity like someone with DID. But I was still wondering about the level of self-deception that it involved on the phantom’s part at the time (post-fall), as discussed in my previous post. So I knew it was not DID and it was very, very different from DID, but I was still inclined towards treating Sam like another personality at the time sort of in the same sense you might treat different identities that can front in someone with DID… The key difference being that the phantom has full control over when Sam is present and still knows everything that’s going on even when Sam is in place. It gets kinda confusing to think about XD. You and your ridiculously good acting skills, phantom!! I also knew of course that Sam was more “fake” than the different identities of someone with DID. But it seems that I really didn’t treat him as fake enough. But just like it is for Bobby and Simon, treating Sam as distinct in that manner just made things easier to understand, easier to process.

The characters have been thrust into an odd sort of temporary mundanity in a domestic sense. It is that very mundanity which makes the situation so fascinating. The three characters are sectioned off from direct contact with the rest of the Ace Attorney universe, from other Ace Attorney characters, in their own special kind of liminal space. “Sam” is the only buffer in place separating Bobby and Simon from the phantom. It’s in their best interest to make Sam seem more real… I think… To an extent they have their own limited amounts of self-deception going on there in that regard. Without Sam, things would all fall apart way too easily, it would be all too easy for all hell to break loose, when it’s a struggle to keep the peace as it is. A kind of welcome reprieve. So all THREE characters, the phantom included, hold up and treat Sam as a separate individual. It’s beneficial to all of them, really. But, it kinda also helps the reader out too as they’re sitting there struggling to process this amazing turn of events. Helps the reader make some sense of Bobby’s, and then Simon’s cooperation.

Also sometimes it just felt “too good to be true” for me as well so it was like… ah, Sam. The author must want us to be focusing on him, and not our darling phantom, right? :P

The Phantom was truly devoted to being anyone who wasn’t his ‘true self’, which he claimed he didn’t have. However, Simon had learned that such claims were unsubstantial.

And this is just the beginning… I didn’t know it was coming, I didn’t expect it was coming. But it’s coming. I failed to notice just what this tiny thread was – things were going to get unravelled all the way, following this thread from beginning to end, fully revealing the phantom. Hm! This undercurrent was already firing up but I’d failed to take notice.

The scene with phantom tossing the gun over to Bobby is just, whoa. The whole dynamic of “character A tosses character B a gun and begs character B to shoot them” is really something in and of itself. But “character B is committed to justice and couldn’t do that” meanwhile character A is the phantom, a supposed enemy who is super hard to capture + kill…! Damn. It’s a gripping dynamic. It’s powerful. So many different forces at play, going up against each other.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 9

“Sam Specter does not need to prepare for burglary. The Phantom does.”

“And here I’d assumed you loathed being the person known as the Phantom.”

YEAH this kinda made me a lil “?” on a first readthrough. Simon’s reply most likely means “I’d assumed you loathed [not being in character as someone else and being forced to be “yourself”]” as opposed to “I’d assumed you loathed [being referred to as “the phantom”]”. (Or maybe it’s both?). It surprised me that the phantom would openly refer to “himself” as the phantom when not in-character…! This moniker, after all, was not chosen by him. It was a label slapped on him by other people, and he had absolutely no say in the matter. Well, I was so entrenched in a common characterisation of the phantom basically rejecting this label, or at the very least not being a fan, as it puts a label on him. The he that he claims does not exist. He’s most likely just humouring Simon here using the label that Simon uses and is familiar with, however, as opposed to having internalised it. But I was still surprised because the characterisations of the phantom that I’m accustomed to usually have them explicitly rejecting this label, to the extent that they would not even use it in this sort of context. But then I came to realise – that characterisation is not necessarily the “canon” one. The phantom is lacking emotions, so they would not necessarily have strong feelings like this, about something as simple as a moniker. Just as they do here, they can easily dodge the label and pretend it in fact applies to no one. A non-person. A non-person that they don’t care about. I realise that this interpretation is also valid.

He remembered Fulbright saying that the man had been in pain for eight months already and wondered just how fierce it was. Wondered whether this was karma’s way of repaying the Phantom for all his crimes. He could run from his past life, his emotions and the consequences of his actions, but not physical pain.

This is kind of, well, delicious, really. Karma actually managing to find a way, for a man so indifferent to everything… :P In the only real way the message can be communicated across. I approve.

Simon punched him again. And again. Desperate for something more than blank stares- anything that was genuine sorrow. Genuine regret for all the Phantom’s wrongdoings. Even genuine anger would do. Anything real and substantial.

Well damn. Doesn’t this just have another layer to it on a second readthrough?!

He initiates violence out of anger. But then. But then, the key motivator is prompting a reaction. The… The same base motivation of the other instance once you strip everything else away, yet under such VASTLY different circumstances. I’d also misremembered this as Simon only punching him once. But no. No. The text initiates the parallel ever more closely with multiple blows. GOSH.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 10

“What did he say?” Simon tried again, more forceful this time. “… He said the walls in this apartment aren’t as well insulated as we’d like.”

AMAZING.

Oh goodness…

THEY’RE IN. THE PHANTOM’S APARTMENT I am yelling. THE PHANTOM feels the need to intervene.

AND HE DOES SO AS SAM.

PERHAPS because he does not wish to do so as himself.

I DON’T THINK HE WAS ALREADY SAM PRIOR TO THIS POINT??? It’s implied that when locked in the room = the phantom, ventures outside of the room = oftentimes Sam. SO LIKE??? HE CHOSE TO BE SAM TO- that is the story I’m sticking with rn because that is so funny to me. And he does come out and be Sam after that cause I guess it’s “well I already switched to Sam so I Might As Well come out and be Sam for a while.”

It was the Phantom hidden behind that harmless façade- he knew it was the Phantom- but even so, he felt as if he were looking at a completely different person. Perhaps, in a way, it was a completely different person.

THIS IS WHAT I MEAN… The narrative putting forth the proposition that perhaps “Sam Specter” does have some sort of claim to personhood.

And then Simon apologises to Sam. And it just, feels like such an important turning point. Sam is a slippery slope. FOR ALL OF US.

It’s also kinda like, Simon knowingly playing along. For the sake of keeping up appearances. Keeping the peace. For the greater good. But does it run any deeper than that? Even the thought of apologising to a mere façade that the phantom is clearly behind is… hmm! It’s a very elaborate act for everyone, kind of.

Either way, Sam seemed content with whatever words Bobby had uttered. He smiled and hung his head for a moment, then nodded at Simon. Apology accepted.

IT’S FAKE REACTION BUT LIKE… THE NARRATIVE POSITIONING… hm!

Sam would join them for dinner and clean up after them, only to disappear into the bedroom once more.

EVEN THOUGH SIMON HAD KINDA SETTLED DOWN AT THIS POINT I WAS STILL BUSY REELING AT THIS ENTIRE SITUATION/DYNAMIC CHANGE THOUGH.

The. The PHANTOM (in a persona) would join them for dinner and clean up after them. (THIS SENTENCE IS JUST SO CASUAL!!! AND I’M LIKE! NO HOLD UP I’M STILL REELING LOL).

“Right!” There was a moment of silence, then the Phantom turned his head to face Bobby, shooting him a blank stare. A few seconds passed before the man seemed to be hit by a sudden realization. “O-oh! Right! The security systems! I’m on it!”

LOL this is just… so great. Well-timed comedic moments. GOD. When these three characters get together you expect someone to die. And yet we get to reap some comedy from this. I LOVE it.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 11

Every so often, Bobby would start tinkering with the watch again, his eyebrows contracting and the corners of his mouth twitching as information flashed along the display of the sunglasses.

CAN I JUST SAY, that it’s kind of amazing how you like… take imagery explicitly associated with the phantom and ONLY the phantom, and casually apply it to Bobby, cheerfully mixing up the symbolism? Obviously, to those who have played Dual Destinies, the image of “Bobby” having data rapidly scroll past glasses that he is wearing is an association ONLY attached to the phantom. If included in fanart, people will immediately know that this is supposed to depict the phantom in disguise, and not the real Bobby Fulbright. And YET, in your fic, here is the real Bobby Fulbright doing that EXACT same thing! Likewise, thanks to Simon splitting the phantom’s glasses apart during the Turnabout for Tomorrow trial when causing the gash in the phantom’s mask, “Bobby” without glasses is also very phantom-symbolism. Of course, not AS associated with the phantom as the gash in the mask, but the gash+lack of glasses is often used to tip people off. However! Right at the very start of this series it’s implied that the glasses are the phantom’s and the phantom’s alone, and that Bobby was not actually in the habit of wearing sunglasses at all! You go “wait a minute. It’s the other way around. If he’s got glasses, it’s the phantom! The real Bobby Fulbright didn’t even wear those!” That’s pretty damn cool! You also have the amusing reversal during Chasing Phantoms when Bobby impersonates the phantom. Even if it wasn’t the phantom he was specifically impersonating, it goes without saying that impersonation is something attached to the phantom’s character, not Bobby’s, yet it is something Bobby does at that point in the fic. And then, you know, there’s that scene much later on in the next fic where Bobby uses the Jolt of Justice on the phantom. I think I’m comfortable in saying that most of the fandom agrees that the real Bobby Fulbright would not have electrocuted Simon in court like the phantom did and that this was a specifically phantom act. But your fic has the REAL Bobby Fulbright use it, and the narrative even comments on the shocking (pun not intended) nature of it, where Simon muses that he “never thought he’d see the day” when the real Bobby used it. It’s just, so cool, and it’s also a really interesting and meta way of “striking back”, so to speak. After all, we NEVER met the real Bobby in canon. Since we ONLY ever get to meet the phantom, on a meta level, the phantom has truly stolen so much from him. His appearance, for most fanart. I’ve seen many people incorrectly use the name “Bobby Fulbright” as shorthand for “phantom”. The two characters get ridiculously blurred together since the phantom does not have enough to distinguish themself and was Bobby for the entire game. The phantom does not have their own tumblr tag, because “the phantom” is way too vague and applies to too many fandoms, so people throw it into “#Bobby Fulbright” and usually call it a day. What else can they do, really? I’ve been guilty of that myself I’m sure. Some fanart is quite ambiguous whether it depicts Bobby or the phantom. In much of fandom and in the eyes of players, the phantom has stolen much of explicitly Bobby symbolism for themself. But in your series, Bobby Fulbright gets to strike back! He gets to steal the phantom’s symbolism! He takes phantom imagery and claims it as his own, at least temporarily! It’s one of those things that gives him “agency” at least on a meta level that I’m impressed with. It’s also a great way of striking back at people like me, specifically, who tended to ignore Bobby in favour of the phantom. But I am not “forced” to acknowledge Bobby, because in this series it is not a zero-sum game. Rather, I am more than happy to do so. He’s a great character!

The conversation turned more heated. The Phantom- or was it the guard after all?- was shouting. The other voice seemed more calm. Collected. It held a forceful tone. There was a loud slamming sound, followed by more yelling.

Oh my god.. This is. So much on second readthrough. This is the child losing their temper and arguing back against their father. And Lex Sr knows. He knows that is his son. “more calm. Collected. It held a forceful tone.” Oh my GOOOSH this description… Like a SCOLDING. “I am the parent. YOU are the child! Do NOT argue back against me!” THAT’S WHAT THIS BRINGS TO MIND… AND THAT’S??? Probably how Lex Sr may treat it in his mind to an extent

AND I ALSO LOVE THE AMBIGUITY WHERE SIMON CAN’T EVEN KNOW IF THAT’S THE PHANTOM OR NOT, gosh.

“You had no right to take it! You had no right!”

I could not… BELIEVE this. At this point it’s implied, and later on we do know that this statement is absolutely right. And I think my main disbelief over this line stemmed from later if the scene is revisited(?), but I’m just gonna comment on it here.

Even if the phantom is right to say this, is right to be angry (!!!), the fact that it’s the phantom saying it absolutely floors me. It’s shocking and SURPRISING that the phantom could even UNDERSTAND, internally, a concept such as “rights”. And the thing is, he probably DIDN’T prior to this. It’s only when something happens to him, personally, when he is wronged, personally, that he understands.

It is the absolute HEIGHT of hypocrisy, to an incredible extent. The phantom had no right to kill all the people he has killed. He had no right to steal their identities. But he DID. And now, now, he claims “you had no right”?! I have no words. The phantom gets to just go around and wrong as many people as he wants, but the moment someone wrongs him he’s suddenly all, “wait, you can’t do that! That’s wrong!”

LOVE how rich that is coming from him.

“Shut up! Just shut up!”

A N G E R

Honestly luv seeing him just lose it.

“No! I… I’m not upset! I…”

You know what’s even better than seeing the phantom get legit angry for a moment? Seeing the phantom immediately denying it/in denial & confusion over that very anger and falling over himself internally all like “wait was I just angry??? CAN’T be. I am the Logic Man”. This absolute MESS of a man, I tell you, defying his own logic and being DEEPLY confused about himself whenever that happens.

“You’re going back to your cell until your memories return.” “No, I won’t! I won’t go back there!”

“Go to your room until you calm down and learn to treat your own father with some RESPECT.”

Teenage rebel son: “NO, I WON’T! SCREW YOU, DAD!”

The relationship between Luster and the Phantom was much more convoluted than Simon had anticipated. Far more intricate.

Yeah Simon, could you hold onto that thought? It’s uh. It’s just a little bit more convoluted than you think, even. :D

Man, things sure do… progress, huh, as all this is going on. You have Simon going in to search for the phantom, then Bobby… and when Bobby goes, Simon ultimately doesn’t stop him. It’s, aaaah.

Okay, what’s ALSO really great is that, with the Sequel Hook that Chasing Phantoms throws us, and then the timeskip that Haunted Specters begins with, one of the pressing questions on my mind is like “whoaaaa! Wonder what the phantom’s been up to all this time! The possibilities are practically endless! He must have been up to so much behind the scenes!” and then we get the answer to that question and it’s basically like… Nothing. He did basically nothing in all that time. Dumb loser got himself caught in a cell for several months. And that’s basically it. GOOD WORK PHANTOM, A+ ELITE SPY RIGHT THERE.

So, towards the end of the chapter when the phantom rushes back inside and there’s blood, that it was the phantom’s blood was my first assumption. But, of course, it’s the last thing on Simon’s mind. Because Simon still has him so pinned as a treacherous murderer. Having him be confronted with the fact that it’s actually the phantom who is injured, when he was so forceful and convinced otherwise (and the fact of it being the phantom’s blood didn’t even cross his mind!) is a nice touch. It’s a moment that sort of… further renders the perception of the phantom as vulnerable as opposed to emotionless killer. This vulnerability is something that Simon is forced to see and accept, even when he wants to believe and continue to think otherwise.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 12

What was worse- so much worse than the fact that the Phantom had gotten himself injured- was that Simon caught himself worrying. Only for a few split seconds, only in the spur of the moment. He was actually worried about that crazy bastard and the realization was enough to force him right back into a state of anger.

Oh heckin’ YES. The seed’s planted. There’s no going back now, Simon. Muahahaha!

The Phantom, who seemed to be growing tired of the one-handed fiddling, ripped all the buttons clean off his shirt with one quick vertical swiping motion. They scattered along the tiled floor and disappeared into various nooks and crannies. Simon could do nothing but watch with raised eyebrows.

TH SDKJNSDKLNSD VISUALISING THIS IS SO FUNNY

“… Should you not save that for a more practical use?” Simon questioned. “I assure you, this is quite practical.”

I AM DYING WHAT. SO IS HE LIKE… TRYING TO BLUNT PAIN/”RELAX” HIMSELF TO REMOVE A GODDAMN BULLET??? BUT UHHH. WHAt

Well, all those scars are a great reminder that the phantom has led one hell of a crazy life!

Oh. Oh my goodness. And now… Now we have the flashback. To the phantom’s earliest memory.

^Me right after the earliest-memory flashback, with really no idea just what was in store.

Okay. This flashback.

It’s raw. It’s brutal. It’s child abuse, right there on the screen. You really don’t hold back.

And what struck me was… If the phantom was born with their little-to-no-emotions psychological makeup, this really is pretty much how I’d imagine things to have been when they were small. …Ableist parents. If they’d had a “normal” home life and/or supportive parents/family, it’s highly unlikely they would have grown up to become the phantom in the first place, after all.

“It’s okay to cry in front of mommy. Go on, just… Just cry. Just once. Please. For mommy.”

This line is very interesting, and adds further nuance. It shows things aren’t clear cut, that in spite of how much the mother clearly cares, how much she wants to protect her son, and how much she cannot abide by the abuse, as understanding as she tries to be… And as opposite her treatment of her son is compared to the father’s treatment of his son… It is a clear hint that she still sees her son as abnormal, that there’s something fundamentally wrong with him that she wants to stop. She desperately wants her son to be healthy and “normal”. This attitude is clearly motivated by concern… She wants her son to be okay. She still loves her son very much. But her attitude belies a possible fear that maybe there is a little bit more truth in her partner’s words than she wants to acknowledge. It’s why she’s desperate to get him to cry. She wants him to change. She wants him to be different than he is. She’s worried. She’s clearly not happy with the way her son is. She wants her son to show distress. She wants her son to be distressed. For HER sake. Her prompts here… are still somewhat selfishly motivated, however driven by concern that they MIGHT be. That is what this particular phrasing very much implies.

Fundamentally, she does not wholly accept her son for who he is.

Throughout the whole flashback she is defending him, she is trying to protect him, only for us to see, at the very end of the flashback, that even she, deep down, is not fully accepting. I love the nuance.

Obviously, the flashback is only a tiny window, and there’s only so much it can tell us. And it presents the reader only with an extreme, specific circumstance to extrapolate from, but if we are going off of this and this alone to base things on… That was my extrapolation. Based on the limited information we are provided with here.

Because of course… There are many different conditions that children are born with in real life. Some of them are blessed with loving, understanding parents. Others aren’t. There are plenty of conditions that make children appear to be “abnormal” INCLUDING conditions which may not make them seem very expressive or expressive in different ways that are not considered normal. And this situation… is like that, really.

The phantom has suffered plenty in this series prior to this point. You might feel kinda bad for him at times, maybe! But it’s always been with a grain of salt, hasn’t it? “HE is the villain, HE is awful, HE brought this on himself, HE has ruined lives and therefore I don’t have to feel TOO bad!”

For the first time in the entire series, we are presented with a version of the phantom that has genuinely done nothing wrong. The narrative DEMANDS us to feel bad for him in this instance. We, at the very least, feel unambiguously bad for this child getting abused. The extent to which we choose to extend this “feeling bad” to the current version of the phantom is up for some debate.

It’s kinda like. You do feel bad for the current version of the phantom – it really sucks that this happened to him. It’s also something that happened prior to everything the phantom has done - the lives he has taken and ruined. So there’s obviously still that sense of “that really sucks, but you still suck, too.” And of course, it’s abundantly clear that this instance of childhood abuse in no way lessens the phantom’s crimes or how much he happens to suck right now. That doesn’t mean we can’t feel bad for him that this happened to him in his youth. And we absolutely feel bad for that child, who did nothing wrong, yet suffered a beating.

In this fic, prior to this point… From the start we are consistently shown imagery that largely contradicts our conception of the phantom’s character and place in the narrative. The phantom gets shown working together with Bobby for the two to escape. Suddenly, he is living with and working together with both Bobby AND Simon. The narrative invites him to come in and join them to become part of the central “trio”. The phantom is shown to be suffering, in pain, weak. It is such a far cry from the phantom from before, who was positioned as a powerful terrifying figure, the inflicter of suffering. The phantom did not get any POV segments until the very, very end of Chasing Phantoms. Here, in this fic, those POV segments are abundant. He has well and truly changed over from being an antagonist to protagonist.

And now, after all of these steps taken towards this point, the narrative takes it even further. Now the text is repositioning the phantom as – implanting that image in our minds – of the small, innocent child with a mental condition. The image of the phantom from the prior fic has already been largely torn down, but now it gets overturned even more as we are confronted with such opposing imagery.

But wait, there’s MORE. The narrative isn’t even done yet. It’s not even finished. Not quite yet.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 13.

“Fulbright. It may be that my ears are playing tricks on me, yet for a moment there, it sounded as if you hold genuine worry for that man.” Bobby didn’t deny the accusation. He didn’t even attempt to deny it. He only lowered his forehead to rest it against his knees, the corners of his lips twitching into some sort of wry grin. “… Don’t you?”

HE’S OWNING IT. And additionally he’s just like. Come on Simon. Don’t you? And this feels earned, given everything that’s happened. GOSH, IT FEELS SO EARNED. Because the readers aren’t the only ones who have been constantly confronted with a very different perspective/imagery of the phantom. These two protagonists have too!!! They are succumbing to the same fate as the reader – a turnabout of perspectives!

AND THEN. AND THEN. HERE IT IS EVERYONE.

One person supporting him. One person doubting him. It was familiar.

When I read this, I just… It was like my jaw just dropped. As it all… fell into place. As the realisation just HIT me. As I read on, and the narrative, in a rather justified self-satisfied manner, casually pointed out the parallels, built up over so many chapters… All of the little things. There were so many tiny things, choices that just didn’t seem to make sense at the time, didn’t seem to add up, and now… All I could do was sit there, stunned, as direct attention was drawn to this. The long-term game that the narrative had been playing.

In awe, I scrambled back to re-read over bits of past chapters at the time only to find that YES, the narrative, from Simon’s POV, had even actually referred to Bobby’s behaviour towards the phantom as “mothering over him”…

All I could do was shake my head ruefully and go “…okay, you win.”

As I’ve implied/stated throughout these commentaries, I went into this series weirdly harsh and reserved towards it for various reasons. And continued to be for the most part even WITHOUT any real justifiable reason for it. Even when my scepticism was being constantly broken down and shown to be misplaced. But the thing is, I’m never usually so harsh on other fics?

If you imagine it as a play showing in a theatre, I usually just go in and sit down and watch it like a normal damn person. Why on earth was I so… sceptical of this series??? It’s like the equivalent of me strolling in, standing at the back of the theatre with my arms crossed and internally going, “Well, I’ll give this a chance, I GUESS. Show me what you’ve got. But be mindful that I’ve seen VERY good performances in my time, however.” (And then, you know, you confidently went right on ahead and practically put on what is among the very best performances I’ve ever seen.)

But the simple fact of the matter was… Like, I’ve already gone over my reasons for feeling a phantom “disconnect” during the first fic. Reasons that all turned out in retrospect to be entirely unfounded. With this in mind, there’s nothing whatsoever wrong with Chasing Phantoms. The phantom it gives us, the phantom content it gives us, is all superb and on-par with the consistently good characterisation provided by the rest of the series. I just had the misfortune of letting my own misconceptions get the better of me at the time. Were it not for that, I would have been able to enjoy the phantom aspects of the 1st fic thoroughly on the first readthrough. Only got myself to blame!

But this fic? As you know, going into it I was already invested – it already held my full attention. And yet I’d still held on to some amount of completely unfair reservation that I do not, and have not subjected other fics to. It was wild, as if I was setting this absurdly high bar when it came to expectations that no other fic had been subjected to by me. But you were still more than ready to rise to that challenge. You took my already high expectations and rose above them, constantly outdoing yourself as the series continued to progress after this point.

Perhaps because I was already standing at the back of the theatre, I had remained there out of habit even as all my doubts were waved off. This meant that even when the fic clearly established it was very much on-par with others I had thoroughly enjoyed with no issues, WAY prior to this chapter, to this point of the story, I was still acting more reserved towards your fic (like a total SNOB) compared to others even when the quality/enjoyment was equal! I was blinded at the time from recognising just how on-par it was. I really don’t think I’m usually like that. It’s like I just happened to pick your series to “discriminate” against, one that could thoroughly show me just how wrong I was. It’s an important lesson I need to keep in mind, because taking this approach to things runs the risk of being unable to actually enjoy them, when if I’d just relaxed, I would have enjoyed it just fine. This risk did not come to fruition, because it got shut down.

All I could do was marvel at the brilliance of the writing, the set-up leading to this… It was the kick I needed to fully relax & sit the hell down to enjoy the show to its fullest potential. That I’d done nothing but stand around like a fool and underestimate, so it was time for me to see just what this series was gonna do. It had my full support. It was the point I truly realised, whoa, this is superb, and all other pretences fell away.

And that’s why all I could do was say to myself, you win, Author. You win. Well-played. I will do my best not to ever doubt you again. I’m sorry I ever doubted you.

All I can say is, the fact that I DID have so much reservation and doubt is what made the reading journey all the more wild and fun for me. I expected so little, and received so much… And that’s why I’ve been so open & honest about how unfairly I treated this series going into it. So that I can show just how much it contrasted with the reality of how great it actually is, how much it contrasted with my feelings later on.

...Aaand I’m cutting this post off here ‘cause of how long it is. Anything else I’ve to say connected to this chapter and beyond will be for the next post!

#long post #posts n RUNS #so much..

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eldritch-elrics · 6 years

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all right listen up guys because i have a theory about deltarune that i haven’t seen anyone propose yet.

i can’t say i’ve been digging through the lore for months or anything (i just finished the game yesterday), but the theory that i immediately connected with was “kris is being possessed.” it basically goes like this—kris is not themself for the majority of deltarune, as evidenced by the parts near the end in which many characters say things like “wow, kris, you’re unusually talkative!” and “you do not look quite yourself” (which toriel says… i’d say she’s a pretty reliable source here). there’s also the fact that when you save the game for the first time, instead of saving over an empty file, you save over an already created file called “kris,” implying that kris had some sort of save file before you, the player, entered their body.

then there’s the beginning, in which you “create a vessel,” directed by a voice very reminiscent of the mysterious gaster. (let’s just assume it really is gaster for the sake of my theory.) it’s implied that this is a vessel created for a human soul—the soul that appears is red, after all. interestingly, at save points, the text tells you that a power shines within you. what does that mean? is the power determination? is it the power of a transplanted soul? who knows!

then, one of the most shocking parts is the cutscene at the end. after the player confirms that their journey is over, effectively relinquishing control of the body, we see kris taking back control of their body and placing “their” soul inside the cage, where the player can still move it around with the arrow keys. this, i’d say, is pretty good evidence that the soul of the player and the soul of kris are different.

i’d say this is a pretty solid theory. but there’s one thing that didn’t quite make sense to me. why does kris, at the end, suddenly take on an appearance very like that of chara, with the red eyes and the knife? how is chara connected to all this?

let’s go back to the introduction. there are definitely two different speaking styles here—the spooky, all-caps gaster one, and then the one at the very end that tells you that the vessel “will now be discarded” and that “no one can choose who they are in this world.” because of evidence we can see in the japanese translation, wonderfully described by this post (please read it, it’s so cool), i’m going to argue that the person who discards your vessel is chara.

okay, so chara is involved somehow. what do we know about chara? we know that they have an immense amount of power. they can destroy worlds, and take control of even frisk’s will. there’s a control narrative here that reminds me of the theory with kris— “since when were you the one in control?” and then of course, there’s chara’s fascinating line: “let us erase this pointless world, and move on to the next.” [from here on out, this is almost entirely my own theory.]

i think that chara created the world of deltarune. it would explain why so many characters are incredibly similar to those in undertale, but it’s still very much a distinct world. kris looks a lot like chara, and inhabits a similar role, with toriel and asgore being their adoptive parents and asriel as their adoptive brother. there are many more parallels—kris being close with asriel, kris also liking chocolate, etc. and if chara really is the voice at the end of the introduction, it makes sense that they’re the one who introduces the new universe and its rules if they’re the one who created it.

back to gaster for a second. so, gaster was the royal scientist before alphys. something that alphys did was to create a vessel, flowey, to inject with determination. she explicitly uses this word to describe it in the true lab entries: “experiments on the vessel are a failure. … the seeds just stick to you, and won’t let go…” flowey was meant to carry the souls of dead monsters. what if here, gaster is paralleling alphys’ role by creating a vessel—or rather, getting you, the player, to create a vessel—for not a dead monster soul but a dead human soul: chara?

after all, alphys does say: “We'll need a vessel to wield the monster SOULs when the time comes. After all, a monster cannot absorb the SOULs of other monsters. Just as a human cannot absorb a human SOUL…”

but chara already has a vessel in the universe they created: kris. none of the player’s decisions matter because you are not the one in control—once again, chara is. however, throughout the game, even though your choices don’t technically matter for the end result, you do have some degree of freedom—you always do in an interactive video game, of course. the player is subtly going against chara’s control. and then, what happens at the end is that chara (as evidenced by the characteristic red eyes and knife) tries to take back full control of kris, the body they created for a parallel version of themself, and expels from their body the soul that you control.

one more interesting thing: if you put the same name for the vessel and the creator, gaster replies, “OF COURSE OF COURSE. OF COURSE THEY ARE THE SAME.” which would make sense if chara is creating the vessel for themself, or if you are creating the vessel for yourself.

and what does this mean for kris? do they have an actual personality? are they just Chara Lite? the two have similar mannerisms, not to mention they both seem unhappy. when you take control of kris, are you giving back to them some amount of personality that they lacked before? they’re certainly a lot less emotional of a protagonist than frisk is...

of course, this whole theory is definitely not airtight. the language at the beginning is vague and confusing, and we don’t even know if it really is gaster. even if it is, it’s still unclear whose side he’s on, what he wants, and who he really wants to create the vessel for. whatever the case, i think i’ve unearthed some pretty interesting parallels and observations, and i’m excited to see what happens next in deltarune…

thank you so much to @seer-of-lxght for talking about and developing this with me last night!!

#deltarune #deltarune theory #undertale #chara #gaster #analysis #my post #long post #deltarune spoilers

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shapedlikeafriend · 7 years

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here is my @danganronpasecretsanta gift for @enddeux !!! merry christmas navis !!!! and thank you for helping organize this lovely event !!!!!! i really hope this is to your liking >u<)/

Fujisaki fidgeted in front of the empty classroom door; or, at least, the classroom door which the message they got claimed would be empty. Of course, there was always the chance they read it wrong, or misinterpreted what it said. "Old building, 1-B classroom, 7AM" was a specific enough description, but it was so quiet and deserted... Their fists clenched tighter the longer they spent frozen before that doorway. It was way too likely they'll just bother a janitor or, goodness forbid, a teacher by barging in. Maybe they should wait. Maybe they should call Ishimaru and apologize for messing up again. Maybe they--

"Oh, g'mornin', kiddo," said, or more accurately, yawned Oowada, who looked an exhausted mess. "Thank fuck you're here; was startin' to think I came to the wrong place."

Oowada ruffled Fujisaki's hair, and they giggled. "Good morning, Oowada-kun! I was afraid of the same thing actually, eheh..."

"So..." His grip slid from their head to their shoulder. He couldn't help but smile when they wrapped their arm around his waist in return. "Any clue what the hell he wants at this hour?"

"No clue. He was pretty vague about it, which... probably means he's in mom mode again."

"Shit, man-- this ain't a good time to be nagged at..."

"You say that every time he does this, Oowada-kun," said Fujisaki, patting his back in mock sympathy.

"'Cause it's never a good time!"

The both of them made their way into the classroom, and the first image that jumped at them was Ishimaru. He was crouching near one of the whiteboard's corners, appearing to doodle little caricatures of the three of them in its free space. He was well into giving Oowada the fluffiest pompadour in the world before the sound of the door prompted him to erase it in a panic. "A-Ah, Kyoudai! Fujisaki-kun! You're late!"

"Sorry, Ishimaru-kun!," said Fujisaki, making their way to one of the frontmost seats in the center of the room. "Heehee, I love how you did my hair...!"

"Oh! Erm, I'm pleased to hear I could do it justice." Ishimaru's eyes darted to the floor, a sheepish smile unbefitting of a 'big tall authority figure' flashing across his face. Not that he seemed to mind. The others certainly didn't either.

"Was gonna say somethin' about how this better be worth it, but it already is," said Oowada, smirking and planting his feet on his desk after seating himself.

Ishimaru cleared his throat. "While I am flattered and thankful, I did not gather us here to discuss my... artistic endeavours."

"Can we, though?" Oowada folded his arms behind his head. "'Cause the way you were doin' it made it look like you do this often and--"

"Anyhow!" The squeak of Ishimaru's boots against the floor was almost loud enough to cover the snickering. Almost. "What I did gather us for is an emergency meeting!"

When Ishimaru next turned around, he was carrying his telescopic pointer (which he literally never left home without), and wore a much more stern expression on his face. "You see, you might not have taken notice of this yourselves, but I have been carefully analyzing your momentum and morale for your activities, curricular and otherwise, and what I've seen has made me concerned."

The pointer clacked against the left side of the board, which was peppered with concise, technical bullet-points relating to their grades and schedules. "One of the main sticking points that have caught my eye is the decline in your workout sessions. The general downward trend I've noticed in the two of you started when you stopped."

Fujisaki shrank onto themself, and they could tell Oowada tensed up as well. Ishimaru's eyes softened.

"Of course, these matters needn't be discussed if it's uncomfortable. However, what we must talk about is what we may do to improve things for you. And I'm not speaking as a Discipline Monitor, I speak as a friend."

"Is that what ya call it? 'Friend'?" Oowada quipped.

Ishimaru leaned forward, banging his hands on the table. "Kyoudai, I'm serious!"

"And I'm not?"

"I'm very sorry," said Fujisaki, fiddling with their uniform's ribbon. "I didn't mean to... mess up like this..."

Oowada tilted his head down and sighed. "It's my own damn business what I do or don't do with my time, but... I know this shit always gets to ya, and it's a dick move for me not to do anything about it."

"No, that's not..." Ishimaru placed his pointer on the desk and made his way over to them, gently kneeling and placing his hands on their shoulders. "I did not call you here to scold you. Your difficult times, whatever they may be, are not a 'mistake' you need to be held accountable for. The only reason behind this direct approach is that I know how... averse to accepting help you can be."

"Oy, I'm 'averse' 'cause I don't need it. I shouldn't need it. You didn't need to drag everyone out here at this hour for this, Kyoudai."

"I respect where you're coming from, Kyoudai, but I must disagree. Isolating yourself with your burdens is what led you here, and it can only get worse if nothing changes."

Oowada snapped his head to meet Ishimaru's eyes. "I don't know what the hell you mean by 'led here' 'cause I'm fuckin' fine,, alright?! I've been fuckin' fine; you're just fussin' over stuff that no one gives a shit about!"

"You aren't fine. You're screaming again," Ishimaru cautioned, his tone soft, yet firm.

"I..." Oowada hesitated. "...Ffffuck. Yeah, you're right. I've been... stressed."

Ishimaru squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, then left him to swallow his pride in the comfort of solitude turning to address Fujisaki. "I assume the same goes for you?"

"Y-Yeah..." Their hands curled into fists atop their lap. "To be honest... I loved our workouts. They made me feel a lot more accomplished and strong, but... At the same time, I felt like I was so slow... Even when we made our sessions private, just..." They paused to sigh, shrinking further into themself. "Oowada-kun was so, so far ahead, I couldn't stop the thoughts from making me feel small."

Oowada grunted and shifted to face the both of them. "Dunno if it helps ya any, but..." He sat several moments in silence, as though he were building strength to say what he was thinking. He lurched to the side and slammed his fist into the table, making Fujisaki jump. This seemed to have given him the motivation he needed, and he began talking. "I was feelin' the same thing. Heh... You kept pushing through shit, even though you had the weight of the fuckin' world in your shoulders. Made me real pissed off at myself. Guess not being the strongest person in the room makes my thoughts flare up too."

Fujisaki shook their head. "But you are stronger than me!"

"Like hell I am."

"Everyone, please! It's not a competition," said Ishimaru, trying to take the reins on the situation again. "You have earned the praise and admiration of one another, as well as my own. Surely that means your strengths are at least valid, doesn't it?" They groaned unenthusiastically.

Ishimaru thrust his hands behind his back and began walking towards the whiteboard again. "Hm. Well, we were able to talk about and isolate the problem, and that is enough to consider solutions. We have made considerable progress."

Oowada chuffed. "This kind of deep-rooted shit ain't somehing you can solve in a week, bro."

"Perhaps not!" he exclaimed, brandishing his pointer with great vigour. "However, I have faith that the both of you can begin taking steps forward very soon! You are both resolute and admirable individuals who've accomplished much more than you realize! And I will be here to assist you to the best of my abilities!"

"...Thank you, Ishimaru-kun... It means so much that you're willing to put so much of yourself into this." Fujisaki felt a smile tug at their tired face.

"Why would I not? I love you," Ishimaru said all too casually. Which he only noticed after several seconds of flustered silence had already tightened an iron grip on the room. "I-I, ah..." His gaze plummeted towards the floor.

"I... I love you too, Ishimaru-kun," Fujisaki was barely able to squeak out from behind their hands.

They both turned their eyes to Oowada, whose grunts were slowly rising to a crescendo. Before anyone could ask what was happening, he slammed his fist against the table again, this time breaking it clean in half. The sound of crackling wood ripped though the room, but was immediately engulfed by his screaming. "I FUCKING LOVE YOU TOO, KYOUDAI!"

Nobody had time to recover from the shock of what just happened (least of all Oowada himself) before foorsteps from the corridor and the door bursting open put them even more on edge.

Leaning against the doorway stood a concerned Yukizome, who slowly scanned the room and waited for an explanation that wouldn't come. "Are, uh... you guys okay...?"

Ishimaru stepped forward while the rest of the group fidgeted in silence. "Yes, Yukizome-sensei! We are, ah-- we are just... that is to say, this is--"

She held out her hands as if to show she was harmless and flashed a gentle, if not befuddled, smile. "No, no, it's alright; you don't look like you're up to anything bad, so I'll just leave you all to your... business? Heehee!"

With a quick "please don't break anything else so I can cover for you," she left, leaving the trio all the more red-faced. It felt as if eternities had passed before any of them could unfreeze themselves to speak up.

"...We probably need to work on our PDA, huh...?" asked Fujisaki, all but curled up into a ball in their seat.

"Noted," said Ishimaru, marching towards the teacher's desk with all the grace of a bag of bricks. "All in favour of finishing this meeting posthaste to make time to scream in utter agony and embarrassment in the comfort of our rooms, raise your hands."

Every hand in the room shot up, and the meeting went on, much quicker than Ishimaru had planned to.

Students gathered in droves after the final bell rang, turning the corridors of the school into a suffocating mess; a cascade of blaring footsteps and rumbling voices that made your brain itch. Luckily enough, if there was one thing Ryouma Hoshi was efficient at, it was slipping between the seams quickly enough that the noise wouldn't drill into his skull, and as it all faded out, the outside never felt fresher. He was never going to get used to a school environment again, he mused.

A buzzing in his pocket knocked the thoughts out of his mind. He tapped and swiped at his phone, and its notification took him to a message. A picture of Angie and Akamatsu, giving the camera peace signs, their cheeks sprinkled with the odd bit of chocolate or sprinkles. Beneath it, text read "waiting fr uuuuuu 💗💗". Hoshi chuckled.

He typed a response of his own. "skippin class to eat sweets? naughty naughty," he teased before putting the device away.

A distant voice perked at his ears. "Excuse me!" Surely, they wouldn't have meant him. He kept walking.

"Ah, excuse me!" He walked faster.

"With the adorable kitty hat!"

...Damn, it was an adorable kitty hat. Now he had to stop. "Can I help you?"

A tall schoolmate (if he even was tall. Considering Hoshi's... bias, he might have been "average") with a case of the eyebrows stiffly strode over to him. "Thank you for your time, sir! May I ask if you are Hoshi Ryouma?"

"Depends on who's asking. No offense." He didn't see a reason to be wary of this guy, even after eyeing him over a couple of times, but it didn't hurt to be careful.

"Ah, I suppose it is rude of me to ask before introducing myself. My name is Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Super High-School Level Discipline Monitor! It's nice to meet you," he said, punctuating his sentence by extending his hand with the tenacity one would use to slash a sword.

"Yeah, you got me, kid. I'm Hoshi Ryouma." Or used to be, he completed in his thoughts as he shook Ishimaru's hand. "So, what can I do ya for?"

Ishimaru bowed. "Please accept my invitation for a tennis match!"

"What."

He blinked. "A-Ah, I suppose some context is in order. You see, I've some students under my supervision that are lacking in motivation, and after discussing this matter with them, we came to the conclusion that getting started fresh on a new, unfamiliar activity or two would do them wonders! We decided that one of them could be a sport of some kind. And you are the Super High-School Level Tennis Player, a field in which all of us are deeply inexperienced in! And that is why I come to you with the humble offer for a match! At your leisure, of course."

Hoshi squinted. "Wait, run that by me again. You want to get started with tennis."

"Yes, sir."

"And you want one of your first matches..."

"The first, if that can be helped!"

"...to be with me."

"Yes, sir."

He smacked his lips. "Any reason why, or...?"

"You see, I thought getting them started with an uphill battle would be an efficient way to simultaneously humble and inspire us! Two birds with one stone, as they say!" The hearty chuckle that erupted from Ishimaru just then made it seem that he believed there was a universe in which this was a good idea.

Hoshi stifled a sigh. "You're a strange guy... But you got moxie. And you're earnest, too. I respect that."

"Thank you Hoshi-kun! My motto in life is 'Simplicity and Fortitude', after all!" Ishimaru beamed, teeming with pride.

"But you still got a long ways to go."

Hoshi left Ishimaru blinking in confusion and turned away, reaching for his breast pocket to grab a candy cigarette. He spent several seconds fiddling with it with his tongue before he spoke up again. "It's really reckless to approach a killer like me so casually."

He made it a point not to look at Ishimaru. He kept his eyes on the horizon, trying to allow the sight of blues stained by reds and yellows to distract himself from this awful conversation he had to have with every person that so much as looked in his general direction. But he could still feel the tension in the other's composure. In the way the breath caught in his throat. In the way he muttered as he searched for a response. He should be used to this by now. Why isn't he...?

"It..." Ishimaru paused to gather his bearings. "It would be uncouth of me to pry for details in whatever it is you're confessing to me. And I do not underestimate the weight it carries-- you don't read as the prankster or lying type to me, after all. However, I feel... inclined to remind you that you are not the only one standing here with stains in your past. And the fact alone that this school trusts you enough to have you on campus should tell you that I should be able to follow suit with a clear conscience. Even if it weren't, your being here alone is a step forward!"

Hoshi faced him again, brows quirked in curiosity. "You sound like you speak from experience."

"My lips are a tomb, but I will confess you might be right," he said, placing his hands on his hips.

"Hm. Well." Hoshi started, but the look in Ishimaru's eyes gave him pause. He was about to brush this entire ordeal off cold turkey, but... he could still feel his enthusiasm shining through his bright red glare, even in spite of the solemn mist that shrouded it. It was the kind of aura that would have surged energy through his body in an instant in a past life. "I'll be busy for a tick, but how's about I keep you updated?" Saying no proved to be too tall an order.

Ishimaru gasped and bowed again, moving so sharply he nearly slammed his head into Hoshi's. "Thank you very much, Hoshi-kun! We will be in your debt!"

"Hey, hey, take it easy, alright? I haven't done anything yet," he said, biting the inside of his cheek.

They exchanged basic social media information and parted ways, as Ishimaru seemed antsy to attend to some non-specific business. Hoshi picked up the pace himself, taking too long for his liking to notice he was leaving the girls waiting. He shifted his saunter into a light jog, legitimately looking forward to talking about this with them. He wondered how Akamatsu was going to feel about this.

"Hoshi-kun, what do you mean?!"

So, not well, then.

"Exactly what I said," said Hoshi, who was tending to the yipping mess Angie had become from eating ice cream too fast. "You know I don't do tennis anymore, Akamatsu."

"Yeah, you say that, but just... You can't let an opportunity that sits on your lap like this just...! Slip!" She crossed her arms and pouted very aggressively at him. He loved it when she did that.

"I don't know where you see an 'opportunity' here. I got invited to something I didn't want to do, and I declined. That's all."

"'Didn't want to do'. You... Have you seen the nice, soft smile on your face when you gush about tennis stuff?!" she exclaimed, not failing to notice how he seemed to sputter at her comment. "Angie-san, help me ooooout..."

Angie jerked backwards, as though she had been jolted awake at the mention of her name. One of her arms drifted to her side, the tip of her index finger squeezing her thumb and seeming to glide in place in sheer concentration, and the other arm lunged at the table and shoveled another spoonful of bubblegum ice cream into her mouth. "Welp welp, God told Angie that yyyyyayayayaya!" She clutched at her temples and crouched back down.

Hoshi scooted over to pat her back again. "...Now to be fair, that's a good point."

"Hoshi-kun, this is serious! You butt!" Akamatsu rolled up a stray pamphlet into a cone and bapped Hoshi upside the head with it. She had to try really hard not to giggle. And as soon as the others did, the attempt crumbled immediately.

He groaned as he shuffled back into his own seat. "Look, this isn't the first time I've done stuff like this. I'm trying really hard to see it from your angle, but you're gonna have to help me here."

"Because," Akamatsu started, making impassioned, wild gestures, "some nice kid went after you and begged for a match, which is exactly the kind of thing that melts your heart, but you're still being too stubborn to just give in!"

"I... don't know about my heart melting," Hoshi lied. "But you have to listen. I'm done with tennis. It's not me anymore."

"You can't! Just drop! Something you spent all of your passion and sweat into for years like that! That's not how it works!" she scolded, poking his sides to punctuate each dramatic pause and knowing full well how ticklish he was.

"Nyahaha-- Kaede's right, Ryouma!" Yonaga joined in on the poking. "'Cause, like, if you don't get the love God gives you out of your system eventually, it overwhelms you so much, you explode!"

"Angie-san, I don't think--"

"Lovesplooooosionnnnnn!"

"...Nevermind; that's cute enough that I can let go."

"Yaaaaay!"

Hoshi gently grasped both their wrists, getting sick of stifling laughter. "Look," he said, jumping a bit when their immediate reaction was to hold his hands. "It's in the past. You're the ones who keep telling me I have to move on, yeah? So I am."

Akamatsu sighed. "That's not the way to do it, Hoshi-kun. This isn't healthy. I'm not kidding."

"Not a lot about me is, now is it?"

"No, it isn't, and that's a problem! Look, just..." Yonaga's humming disrupted her train of thought. "Are you--"

She shushed Akamatsu, which she rarely ever did, and kept at it with her eyes closed. Hoshi sighed, relieved that he could have a break from all the fierce pushing from both sides.

But that relief wouldn't last.

"You should train the both of us! God said so!"

"Yonaga, are you sure that's not just the brainfreeze talking?" Hoshi asked, absolutely perplexed.

"Nnnnnopenopenope! See, God is so serious about this, They're making Angie's head thump and burn!"

"That's definitely the brainfreeze, Angie-san..."

Yonaga put her hands over the other's faces. "Nonono, listen, this is super smart and divine! 'Cause like, Taka is with Chihiro and Mondo right now anyway, riiight?"

"...You lost me, Yonaga," Hoshi replied as he gently lifted her palm off his mouth, which only made her press harder.

"You're following him! Didn't you see his post?" Hoshi just gawked at her quizzically until she continued. "Yeesh, one sec!" She snatched her phone out of her purse, fiddled with it for a bit, then turned its screen towards him.

In it was a photo post; Ishimaru and another short kid were joined at the hip in matching tennis uniforms, arms wrapped around one another. A flurry of happy emojis were sprinkled all about the picture. And beside it, the caption read "HARD AT WORK L O L!!!!!!! AWAITING hoshir3 S RESPONSE TO OUR CHALLENGE". Hoshi was about to say something, probably along the lines of a heartfelt, genuine "what", but as he inspected further, the comment section was a far more concerning monster. Four comments from someone who was clearly Kaito Momota, all posted seconds apart from one another. "WAIT HOLY SHIUT?????????", "is he playing", "hoshir3 aRE YOU PLAYIGN??????????????????????", and, insightfully, "IUSDGHFIUSDHGIOSDJGIS".

"Oh, good grief," he groaned, pulling his hat over his eyes.

"Right?!" Yonaga exclaimed, not seeming to quite understand Hoshi's vibe.

Akamatsu took a gander of her own. "How do you know these guys?"

"Oh, Angie knows everyone! That's how you spread the word and stuffs!" She put her phone away. "So anyhoo, their thing is a group thing! And if our thing is a group thing too, it'll give more people the chance to do... like, things! And if Ryouma's coaching instead of pitching, then he can warm up to it from a safe distance with two cute girls he loves and adores and would do anything for and--"

"I'm not buying you another ice cream, Yonaga."

"But God is so thirsty, Ryoumaaaaaaa!" She wrapped him in a grim, grievous hug.

"And ice cream makes you more thirsty, and it hurts your head. Please spare God," he chided, resigning to his fate.

"Wait, she makes a good point," said Akamatsu, speaking up after being lost in the highways of her mind for quite a while.

"See, Kaede gets it; if we don't feed God, They're gonna get really angry and wreck our houses with rocks!"

"N-No, not that." Akamatsu clasped her hands together. "Hoshi-kun, if you're just watching us over while we learn and giving input here and there, it would just be a hangout like this one, right? And then you can see if you feel like playing with us! And either way, we'd rep you and kick some tail in your name! Doesn't that sound cool?"

He closed his eyes. "Do either of you know... the first thing about tennis...?"

Yonaga and Akamatsu traded looks, in silence.

"...Okay. Have either of you ever cared about tennis before right this second."

The silence somehow got louder.

"...And if we do this at all, can you be sure the sudden physical exhertion on the art club over here won't just kill you instantly."

"Well, if we do die, we could always play tennis with God instead! They told me They use stars as Their tennis balls," Angie chirped.

He leaned back on his seat, resting his hands in his pockets. "Heh, wow. This is the stupidest idea."

Akamatsu clicked her tongue. "Hoshi-kun, please... We're trying to help you. We care about you a lot, and--"

"Didn't say I wasn't gonna do it."

It took a second for the penny to drop. "Wait, really?!" Akamatsu asked, the sparkle in her eye practically lighting up the entire room.

"Hey, since you're pushing for it this hard... Let's get stupid."

"Yaaaay for stupid!!!!" Hoshi didn't have time to think before his entire body was swallowed by the girls' embrace. Not that he would ever complain.

But he would complain about buying Angie that other ice cream after all.

Ishimaru impatiently bounced his legs. He looked at his wristwatch. 7:13PM. This was excruciating. The tennis court and equipment he went out of his way to reserve was just sitting there, mocking him with how idle it all was. It had been so much trouble carrying all of it here by his lonesome, and now he got to watch it gather dust. 7:13PM. Perhaps he should have put a bit more emphasis on how absolutely important today's practice was. He was sure he already sounded plenty urgent, what with the five seperate reminders he had sent his partners. 7:13PM. Next time, he would erect a banner, with bold red text yelling at them to, for the love of everything righteous and holy on this Earth, move your legs at a reasonable pace. But all things considered, that might not work either. 7:13--

"Ishimaru-kun, we've been here for five minutes..." Fujisaki muttered, without looking away from their computer.

"Five minutes we could have spent practicing, Fujisaki-kun! Every moment from this point on is a precious opportunity for us to grow stronger, and it's foolish to allow it to go to waste!" he replied, crossing his arms in frustration.

They clacked away at their keyboard for a while before responding. "I mean... I get that, but personally I appreciate this extra time we're getting, eheheh..."

His brows shot up. "What are you up to anyway? It sounds like you are hard at work!"

"Ah, well, I'm..." They covered their mouth with a hand. "Actually, on second thought; Alter Ego, why don't you tell him?"

"Oh, yes, Master!" a voice peeped from their monitor. "We are currently in the process of compiling sabermetric data en masse on the top tennis players in the world to parse the most effective techniques and play styles! Then Master can study and emulate them!"

"Ah, I understand!" He didn't understand. "That is very impressive, Fujisaki-kun! And, ah, Alter Ego! You two are doing fantastic work, as usual."

Fujisaki giggled, gently butting their head against Ishimaru's arm. "Thank you so much! We're doing our best for you!"

He awkwardly leaned his head against theirs. They were right-- he really did need to work on this. "And that is more than enough! I am so very proud of you!"

Both students took a moment to enjoy each other's company and wamrth in silence. Ishimaru's worries about the time were all but whisked away by Fujisaki's radiant smile and sugary words. He slowly allowed his posture to relax and his body's weight to drift into theirs as they did the same. He could hear their hearts beating in sync. Something about that put a smile on his face he couldn't wipe away.

"Ah, Master, you wouldn't be able to render your opponents catatonic, would you? Or... turn into a demon...?"

They both shot up in confusion, stammering unintelligibly and making vague gestures at the computer.

"Uh... You guys alright?" asked Oowada, who they hadn't noticed had arrived a few moments ago.

"KYOUDAI, THIS TENNIS PLAYER CAN TURN INTO A DEMON?!"

"WHAT THE FUCK."

Fujisaki snapped the device towards Oowada. "NO SERIOUSLY, LOOK!"

The three of them sat together, yelling progressively louder at the ridiculous athletes Alter Ego was coming across. They had nearly forgotten what they came here to do in the first place until Ishimaru's phone hummed in his pocket, well into their riffing of the 'multiplying tennis balls' match. A message from Hoshi! "hey. uh i dont think im gonna be able to play for a bit but i can send my pupils over for a match whenever. that ok w you?" Attatched was a picture of said pupils, captioned with their names. Ishimaru's eyes widened. After hastily accepting Hoshi's offer, he lurched up.

"I'm sorry to cut this short, but we have training to do!" He marched towards his equipment, drilling through a sea of dissappointed groans. "We must impress Hoshi-kun with our performance!"

Oowada paused. "'Hoshi'... Wait, the guy you at-ed for a match was Killer Tennis?! Get the fuck out of here..."

After doing some research, Fujisaki joined in on Oowada's daze. "H-He's... too good...! This is going to go so bad... Uuu, if I had known that empty account you were tagging was his, I would have said something..."

"Everyone, please," said Ishimaru, making his way to the tennis ball machines. "I would like to not waste anymore time, so explanations will come at our first break, but it's not at it seems. I have confidence that things will turn out alright! You can trust me!"

Oowada sighed. "Not like we coulda stopped you, I guess..." He dropped the sports bag slung around his shoulder to the ground, and from it, he took a rough, but embellished looking tennis racket. It was made entirely of wood and had no grip, with its shaft being packed with tiny, bold text instead; the same text that was printed into his jacket. Its bottom curved outward into a sleek diamond shape, rimmed by a small indented ring shape. And its nylon strings were decorated by a minimalistic orange komainu print, but it had enough detail that you could make out the dimples around its eyebrows, and the curl in its hair.

"Oowada-kun, your racket looks so cool!" said Fujisaki, with their own store-bought racket in hand.

He smirked. "Thanks. Thought if I was gonna do this, might as well get into it, y'know? Been a while since I practiced my carpentry or whatever too, and I got an urge... I know Kyoudai is gonna give me shit for skippin' class to make this, but..."

Ishimaru rushed over to place a hand on his shoulder. "I intend to do no such thing! Your craftsmanship is remarkable, and your efforts must be commended! Why, I can already see improvements in your technique!"

Fujisaki took his cue and followed suit. "Yeah, really Oowada-kun, this is really, really amazing! Specially since you made this so quick! I think if you made more stuff like this, people would be all over it...!"

Oowada's grin grew wider, and he pulled the two of them into the tightest hug he had in him. He loosened it a bit after they started gurgling.

"...so the basic idea is that you want the ball to either bounce twice on the other end, or bounce here," said Hoshi, circling around the outside boundaries of the court, "on your end when it first crosses the net, and you get a point, yeah?"

Akamatsu raised a hand. He pointed at her. "Shoot."

"Are we sure we can't do this at school? This place is kind of dirty, and there's people that keep giving looks..." As she said that, she could feel distant figures squatting in the grass turn their heads.

"They might be practicing at school. Would be kind of awkward to practice next to our rivals, wouldn't it?" He shrugged. "And don't worry about the looks, this is just Diamond Dogs' turf. They owe me a favour, so they won't try anything. I promise you're safe," he finished, giving her a thumbs up.

Angie twirls about in place. "Angie just asked God, and They said we can trust this place! As long as Ryouma slams anyone who gets ten feet from us into a garbage can!"

"That doesn't sound too much like trusting to me, but hey, I can do that," he joked, chuckling. "So anyway... The way we try to make that happen in doubles is we keep one person on the back to basically 'go long', and the other is on the front to pull a fast one on the other guys, right? So, remember that and try and get into formation. There's a line in the middle of your field you can use for reference."

The girls looked at the ground and shuffled about for a bit. Akamatsu placed herself at the very back, while Angie was practically shoving herself into the net.

"Is that what feels right to you?" he called out. They nodded in response. "Alright. Let's do a little practice then."

"R-Right now?" Akamatsu stumbled. "We barely know the basics! Aren't we going to just muck it up? Like... Very bad?"

"Yeah," he replied curtly.

"I...! Hoshi-kun!" she yelled, frowning at him.

He slung his racket over his shoulder. "What? It's how I did it too."

"A vote of confidence would be nice..."

"Actually, Angie likes this better! See, Ryouma made God really mad, so now They're going to bless Angie with super tennis powers out of spite! Just watch!" Angie furrowed her brows and tightened her stance with a glint in her eye.

Hoshi started tossing the ball into the air, and Akamatsu, too, steeled herself. "Here goes nothing," she mumbled, aiming her focus on the ball as best she could.

With a booming thwack, it came soaring straight at her. She bent backwards and swatted at it as forcefully as she could. It nearly tipped her over, and she could feel her wrist crackling as she swung it back. It flew in a flimsy arc back into Hoshi's court, who was quick to shoot it back before it ever touched the ground. Angie dove at the ball, smashing it back with a surprisingly mighty swing, but that left her stumbling. And before either of them had time to do anything, it came back, slashing through the air right in the middle of their field, and ended up slamming into the wobbly chain link fence in the back of the yard.

"Fifteen-love," he crowed wryly.

"Angie loves you too!"

Hoshi groaned and hid under his hat, clearly caught off guard.

"Would that make it fifteen-all?" Akamatsu teased, placing her hands on her hips.

He sighed. "...Moving on. Do either of you want to take a guess as to what happened here?"

"Angie thinks you scored!"

"Yeah, but why was I able to, Yonaga?"

"'Cause you're the Super High-School Level Tennis Player, and this is our first time?"

He pursed his lips. "That's fair. Akamatsu, any takes?"

"Well... I guess the ball was harder to hit than I thought..."

"Ooo! Ooo, Angie had that problem too," she said, hopping about as if that was something she should be proud of. The others couldn't help but smile.

"Well, okay," he said, making his way over to their side. "Let's talk about that. The way you're holding your rackets? It's forcing you to compensate way too much if I aim high. And your swings are way too wide; you'll run out of breath in no time if you keep going like that."

Hoshi stood beside Akamatsu and gently wrapped his fingers around her wrist, guiding it forward with the tenderness one would have with a glass sculpture. "The sweetspot-- the middle of the strings-- they should be level with your nose. And when you swing..." His other arm folded around her side, and he took a step forward, prompting her to follow. "You swing with your body, and you lean forward. It's easier on you that way."

His touch lingered for a moment before he stepped away. "Make sense?"

Akamatsu flashed a playful smile. "I might need you to show me again."

"Hmph... Let's finish our lessons first, then we can review whatever you like," he said, with a smirk of his own. "Yonaga, did you get that too?"

"Angie would appreciate getting hugs too, but she got it!"

"That wasn't..." Hoshi trailed off, and just held her softly, unable to say no. Angie motioned for Akamatsu to join in again from behind his back, and she complied, puzzled and excited.

He sighed. "...Why."

"God could tell you needed this and were too scared to ask!"

Hoshi let out a deep sigh, seeming to look for words to say. "...Geez. Heh, I think you can take credit for that one, Yonaga."

She giggled. "Angie's just following orders."

"Well, don't you think it'd make Them happy if you were proud of yourself? I mean, you can hear Their voice, but you're still here, on the same boat as the rest of us. And you say They want us to have a good time here, so..." The girls could feel him shrug.

Angie froze. Suddenly her embrace grew much tighter. "You're a very sweet guy, Ryouma." She must have needed this too.

The three of them melted into the embrace for what felt like forever. Hoshi was the one who made to break it, and even then, it sounded as if it was killing him. "We... can pick this back up later."

When they picked their rackets back up, they felt heavier and lighter, all at the same time.

"ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR! FEEL YOUR SPIRIT BURN THROUGH VEINS! THE FIRE THAT IGNITES YOUR CORE WILL LIGHT UP YOUR PATH AND LEAD YOU TO A BRIGHT TOMORROW! ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!"

Gears turned and metal roared. The ground shook as walls shattered all around, and nauseating clouds of dust rose and assaulted their senses. It was a warzone. And yet, broken and battered, they stood.

"THE BLOOD AND SWEAT YOU SHED WILL BE THE BREADCRUMBS THAT REMIND YOU OF HOW FAR YOU'VE COME! ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!" Ishimaru howled at the top of his lungs as he slammed another tennis ball back from whence it came.

"Bro, why the fuck does this thing even have this setting?! It's going too fast!" cried Oowada, mid-panting.

"I requested their best sports training device, and they delivered!" Three more balls crashed against the opposite wall, just missing the machine that shot them. "And I don't intend on resting until we've returned one million fungoes together!"

Fujisaki picked themself up from the ground. "C-Could... we maybe tone it... tone it down, please...?"

"Fine! A thousand blows it is! ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!"

"T-That doesn't help much...!" They yelped as one of them grazed against their side.

"Come now, this should be no problem! As long as we plant our feet firmly on the ground, no snow, no rain, no tremors and no winds will knock us down! Counting our blessing and holding onto hope will--ah...?!"

Ishimaru froze as the machine came to a grinding halt, taking all of the stress and noise pollution with it. It felt very strange to be able to hear background noise again. But nonetheless, he was dumbstruck. "What happened...?"

Oowada stomped his way over to Ishimaru and hammered his hands into his shoulders. "You need to calm the fuck down, dude. Take a second to think 'bout how that's commin' from me."

Ishimaru cast his eyes to the floor. "I... overdid it again, didn't I?"

"A lot, yeah." He gave Ishimaru a couple of quick pats. "Now apologize like a man, don't ask me to hit you 'cause that's weird, and we'll be over it, 'kay?"

"Right... I humbly apologize for causing so much trouble," he said, with a deep bow.

"Great. Oy, Fujisaki, you cool with him?"

"A-Apology accepted..." they wheezed, a rumpled heap of sweat and strewn about limbs on the floor.

"Everything's cool, then! Now sit down, we're taking five."

The three of them huddled together in silence to recover from the intense physical strain they were put through. All they could hear was each other's heartbeats banging against their chests and the distant cawing of crows greeting the stars that began to twinkle above. None of them would admit out loud, but this had been the best afternoon any of them had had in far too long.

Oowada, who knew what happened to Ishimaru's head after he made a mistake, decided to break the quiet. "So... Any info on who Killer Tennis is gonna sic at us?"

Ishimaru's eyes widened as he fought back a stupor that was taking a hold of him. "Ah, that... Not much. I am aware that it will be Angie-kun and Akamatsu-kun of his class. But I know so little about them, let alone their tennis prowess. I don't recall ever seeing either of them attending any sports clubs or festivals..."

"Maybe they've been training in secret," Fujisaki chimed.

Ishimaru crossed his arms. "What advantage would there be to a secret tennis player?"

"I dunno, dude. Element of surprise for shit like this?"

"Maybe," Fujisaki started while they sat up, "a Tennis Revolution!"

"A revolution against what? People who are over 4 feet tall?" Oowada snorted. "Not too late to defect to their side, Fujisaki."

"I-- hey! That's mean," they whined over Oowada's guffawing.

He pulled them close and ruffled their hair. "Come on, let me have that; it was good!"

"Fiiiine, just because I love you..." they replied, grinning cheekily.

Oowada, to spare them of how sticky he was, let them go with a clap on their back. "Love ya too, kiddo."

They poked their cheek in musing. "Wait, the two of them will play us, right? Is one of us gonna get left out?"

"Ah! I hadn't thought of that... Astute observation, Fujisaki-kun!" Ishimaru cleared his throat. "Well, seeing as how I was the one who extended him the invitation, I suppose it would be fair that I partake in our first match!"

Oowada tilted his head. "Eh? I really wanted a piece of 'em, though."

"Well, surely there will be other opportunities! I think it would be good to impress him in this first outing!"

Oowada's brows shot up. "...You sayin' I wouldn't impress him? 'Cause, Kyoudai, I was kind of kicking your ass a second ago."

"Hah! You would make the mistake of thinking that! How innatentive of you, Kyoudai! Perhaps some private lessons are in order."

The moment the both of them got up, Fujisaki knew where this was going. "Guys..."

"I'm thinkin' you need that more, Kyoudai. Matter of fact, I could school you myself right the fuck now."

"Is that a fact."

"You bet your fuckin' ass it is, bro."

"Guys, what if I sit out this time...? Problem solved...!"

"I would be interested in seeing you pull off that miracle, Kyoudai."

"Why don't you bring it on then. I'm waitin'."

"Guys, I-I'm dead tired... Can we not do t--okay." They were throwing their shirts on the ground. This was a lost cause. They flopped onto the floor, exasperated.

The boys walked back into the field, their rackets gripped so tight they were emitting crackles, and they began a savage volley that went on.

And on.

Even after going back into the school building to get their laptop and a juicebox and coming back, Fujisaki could still feel them grunting while mindlessly pummeling the ball back and forth.

It was only well into what seemed like hours of passing the time playing with Alter Ego that--

"WHAT?!"

"Oh, look at that! You won, Kyoudai."

"Please explain?!"

Fujisaki looked over at them, and saw Oowada rubbing his neck while Ishimaru screamed in confusion.

"You won. Nothing more to it." He shrugged.

"K-Kyoudai, you clearly let the ball whiz past you! I--" Ishimaru made a series of incomprehensible noises as he held his head.

Oowada sighed. "...Fine. I just... The face you were makin' during our game... I wanted to see more of it, that's all."

Ishimaru fell silent, and a deep shade of red crept into his face. Oowada's was not far behind.

"I... Kyoudai...?"

They stared at each other for an embarrassing eternity. And, just like that, Oowada took off. "I HAD A THING WITH MY CREW I GOTTA GO."

"NO PLEASE COME BACK AND EXPLAIN!"

Fujisaki giggled heartily, and closed their laptop to chase after them.

Really was the best afternoon in a while.

When Hoshi came back to the field (with two bottles of water, as he was asked), it took a while to spot where the girls were. He finally spotted them sitting together by the fence.

"Sorry I took so long, there was this kid--"

Akamatsu placed a finger over a lips, asking him to quiet down. He turned his gaze to Angie, who he noticed was slumped over Akamatsu's shoulder, with an earbud in one ear, while Akamatsu had the other in hers. He snorted. "It's so weird seeing her sleep," he said, his voice nigh a whisper. "She's so... quiet and still. And unlikely to pester people to pamper her."

He handed one water bottle to Akamatsu, and she put it aside to pat the ground between her and Yonaga. And so he did.

"She's never out for long, so I don't think you have to worry. But this is also the most tuckered out I've ever seen her," she said, holding Hoshi's hand in hers.

"Hmph. We can let her rest. We've been making very good time, I think you earned this, at least." He grabbed a candy cigarette and popped it in his mouth.

"Don't leave yourself out, teacher," she whispered while nuzzling the top of his head.

"Come now, all I did was just listen for once... I mean." He paused to lock eyes with her. She already knew what was coming, and she was already enjoying it. Damn it. "...You were right."

"Yessss!" She pumped her fist in excitement, hilariously taking Yonaga's with her. Hoshi could barely stifle his laughter, moreso when the sleeping girl didn't even stir.

"No, seriously Akamatsu; I really needed this. This is... the healthiest I've felt in ages. Means the world to me that you'd go through the trouble..."

"It's not trouble, Hoshi-kun. I think you can tell we're all having a good time here."

He closed his eyes. "Hm... I guess you're right."

"Actually..." She paused, clearly mulling something over. "You know what, it should be fine. I think she forgot anyway. Can you take a look in Angie-san's bag?"

"Oh? Well, alright." He sauntered over to where he remembered it being, and sure enough, there it sat. He looked over at Akamatsu again for confirmation, and after she nodded, he began fiddling through it. It didn't take too long to find a suspicious looking box. "This what we're looking for?" Akamatsu nodded again, and he made his way back.

"Open it!" Akamatsu's anticipation was nearly bursting through her, and it made Hoshi pretty chuffed by proxy.

As he lifted the contents from its box, Hoshi's heart skipped a beat. In his hands, he held a glimmering, polished racket, carefully garnished by glitter and beautiful star patterns in blue and yellow against black and orange. It had such a fine finish and it felt wonderful to the touch, top to bottom. It was like no other object had ever felt so comfortable to have in his hands. But what caught his eye most of all was text along its rim that read "Still The Prince, 2011". Hoshi gawked in awe. "I... Akamatsu, what..."

"Just a little something we worked on together! You agreeing to do this was a huge step forward, and we thought it was worth celebrating, so..." He couldn't see her, but he could tell she was beaming. "Well, Angie-san did most of the work, but she asked me to play something from the room over to inspire her! And the text we came up with together!"

Hoshi dared not speak, because all of the emotions in his chest threatened to come gushing right out. He simply clutched the racket closer to him.

"...Hey, hey, Hoshi-kun..." She pulled him close.

He let out a strained sigh and relented to her touch, sinking into her arms.

"You're really strong, Hoshi-kun. We're so proud of you."

At that point, Hoshi couldn't hold it in anymore. A sad smile creased his lips as tears rolled down his cheeks. "Good grief. You're all too good for me."

"I can say the same about you, silly..." She rubbed his arm supportively.

"Hrmnghr... Ang' j'st woke up b't she lov's..." Hoshi felt another arm being tenderly draped around him.

The three of them cuddled together until their felt each other's breath slow. They had never felt this well rested before.

He didn't want this to be a thing. He really didn't. The last thing he wanted was for this to be a thing. And yet, here he was. On the scheduled day of the tennis game. In front of an audience of hooting and hollering classmates and friends. Hell, there were already chants erupting from both sides of the bleachers. 'Go-Oo-wa-da!' 'An-gie-san!' they cried, back and forth and in complete harmony. "Geez..."

"It's such a pleasant surprise to see so many people excited for this," said Ishimaru while he stretched at the side of the field.

Hoshi eyed Momota (who was pushing Saihara to help him) raising an obnoxiously giant banner with 'KICK SOME ASS KAEDE & ANGIE' that flailed in people's faces. He was getting a hefty number of death glares he was all too oblivious to. A red-haired boy and a cohort with long, shaggy hair from the other side were following suit with a sign for Ishimaru. A riot was going to break out in those bleachers in no time. "You could call it that."

"Precisely! And we are going to deliver a game that will meet and surpass all of their expectations! Isn't that right, everyone?"

"Angie just wants to have a good time," Angie said, taking lackadaisical licks off of a pineapple popsicle.

"W-Well... That's a healthy way to go about it...!" Fujisaki filled in for their partner in lieu of his confusion.

"But! We are going to try our best! Right, Angie-san?" Akamatsu tried to save the mood.

Yonaga hummed. "Yeah, God's cool with that!" She locked eyes with Hoshi. "...Oh! Oh, and me too, I think! Right?"

"You got it, Yonaga," he replied, giving her a thumbs up. She flashed a wide grin and swayed on the balls of her feet.

Oowada strode in. "I don't know what you're talkin' about, but you better give my team a challenge!" He yanked Ishimaru and Fujisaki in his arms. "These two are the hardest motherfuckers in the world, and if you let them just wipe the floor with you, we won't let you hear the end of it," he boasted.

Akamatsu cocked her head, crossing her arms with a confident sneer on her face. "Oh don't worry, we're more than enough for you guys."

"God will show you what Their wrath looks like," Angie droned, in what Hoshi sure was an attempt at friendly competitive banter. He was worried, but the boisterous laughter that exploded from Oowada made it clear it went over well.

"I like your team, dude! They're feisty!"

"You dont know the half of it, Oowada."

Fujisaki turned to look at their watch. "Um, I think we're about to start...?"

"Ah, delightful! Let us pay our respects to one another, and prepare to deliver a spectacle!"

Everyone exchanged hearty handshakes and wishes for good luck, and Yonaga, Akamatsu, Fujisaki and Ishimaru made their way to the field, while Oowada and Hoshi sat with the rest of the audience.

Without much cerimony, the game started, and the crowd roared, bursting with applause and whistling with quick escalation.

And as Hoshi watched on, he was sucked right into it. Each point his team scored nearly sent him into hysterics, leaping and screaming his lungs out. And each loss they suffered felt like a pang in his chest, and he berated himself for not having taught them this or that. He had never cared about a tennis so much. His heart was going a million miles an hour, and it was like he could remember what it felt like. To seize the moment, to look forward to tomorrow, and to live in the moment. It made him feel so warm and light.

It was nice to have a reason to live.

#Drsecretsanta2017 #danganronpa #ndrv3 #ryouma hoshi #kiyotaka ishimaru #mondo oowada #angie yonaga #kaede akamatsu #chihiro fujisaki #stuff by me

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