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letterboxd · 3 years

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Work Horse.

Taking on a rare leading role in his decades-spanning career, national treasure Tim Blake Nelson speaks with Mitchell Beaupre about demystifying heroes, reinventing genres and something called a quiche Western.

“This film is unapologetic about all the tropes that it’s deploying in service of telling the story... You’ve got a satchel full of cash. You’ve got gunslinging, physical violence, and feeding somebody to the pigs.” —Tim Blake Nelson

Described by Letterboxd members as “a national treasure” who “makes everything better”, Tim Blake Nelson is a journeyman actor who has tapped into practically every side of the industry since making his feature debut in Nora Ephron’s This Is My Life back in 1992. Whether you are a Marvel fanatic, a history buff or a parent trying to get through the day, the actor’s distinctive presence is a charming sight that’s always welcome on the screen.

Tim Blake Nelson is one of those rare actors who unites all filmgoers, a man genuinely impossible not to love, which certainly seems to be the case for Hollywood. Checking off working relationships with directors ranging from Terrence Malick and Ang Lee to Hal Hartley and Guillermo Del Toro, Nelson has covered the boards, even crossing over into directing and writing, both in films and on the stage.

Yet, despite being a renowned talent who can take a smaller supporting role in a massive Steven Spielberg blockbuster starring Tom Cruise and carry the film, Nelson-as-leading-man sightings have been few and far between. In fact, it’s quite a struggle to find a film with Nelson in a leading role, as even playing the titular role for directors who understand his greatness still results in him only appearing in the opening section of an anthology feature.

At last, the leading role Nelson fans were in need of has arrived in the form of Old Henry, a new Western from writer/director Potsy Ponciroli. Nelson plays the eponymous Henry, a widowed farmer with a mysterious past who makes a meager living with his son (Gavin Lewis), doing his best to leave his old life behind and hide away from the world. Things get complicated when Henry stumbles upon a satchel of cash and a wounded stranger (Scott Haze), bringing them both into his home. Soon, a dangerous posse led by an intimidating Stephen Dorff comes calling, setting the stage for an old-fashioned throwdown in this twisty Western siege thriller.

Premiering at the Venice Film Festival, Old Henry has been warmly received on Letterboxd. “Old Henry feels like the culmination of Tim Blake Nelson’s twenty-plus-year career, but from another dimension, where he’s highly regarded as a leading man”, writes Noah, speaking not only to the strength of Nelson’s performance, but also to the fact that this leading role shouldn’t be such a rarity. Todd awards Nelson the prize for “Best Facial Hair in a 2021 film”, before applauding the actor for pouring “every emotion in his body to play Henry”.

Letterboxd’s East Coast editor Mitchell Beaupre saddled up for a chat with Nelson about the intentional hokiness of the Westerns that made him fall in love with filmmaking, how the Coen brothers put other directors on notice, and the fatherly joy of keeping it all in the family.

I’ve seen a lot of interviews with you discussing your career as an actor, a writer, and a director. You always speak with such reverence for the art. Where does that passion come from for you? What made you want to pursue this field? Tim Blake Nelson: It’s funny, doing these interviews for Old Henry has been reminding me of my introduction to filmmaking as an art. I’ve realized that I had never quite located it, but it really started with the Sergio Leone Westerns, which I would see on television when I was growing up in Oklahoma in the ’70s. Before that, going to the cinema was always invariably a treat, no matter what the film, but I would just be following the story and the dialogue.

The Sergio Leone movies were the first ones that exposed subjectivity in telling stories on film to me. That was where I became aware of the difference between a closeup and an extreme closeup, or how you could build tension through a combination of the angle on a character with the editorial rhythm, with the lens size, with the music in addition to the dialogue and the story.

How old were you when this shift in your understanding of cinema was happening? I think it was across the ages of ten and eighteen, where I suddenly realized that this was an auteur here, Leone. There was a guy behind all these movies I was seeing—and in Oklahoma, you could see a Sergio Leone movie every weekend. This was a man making deliberate and intelligent decisions in everything that I was seeing.

I started noticing that a character was in a duster that goes all the way down to his boots, even though that’s not necessarily accurate to the Old West. That’s something else. Also, why is he wearing it in the desert? Would that have been very practical? And look at that cigar Clint Eastwood is smoking. It’s not smooth, it looks like it was a piece of tree root. Then later I learned it’s a particular kind of Italian cigar, but somehow it was defining this genre of Western. I marveled at that, and found it unbelievably thrilling to discover. I loved the stories and the dialogue and the intentional hokiness of it all. All of it was conspiring to teach me to venerate this form.

Sergio Leone, his daughters, and Clint Eastwood on the set of ‘The Good, the Bad and the Ugly’ (1966).

The connection there is interesting between the Leone Westerns to where Old Henry is at now. You’ve talked before about how the Western genre is one that is reinvented over and over throughout the years— Oh, you do your homework!

I try my best! What would you say defines the current era of Westerns that we’re seeing, and how the genre is being reinvented? Well, Joel and Ethan [Coen] did a lot of mischief, in a good way, with The Ballad of Buster Scruggs. Genres are always about genres, in addition to their story. So, I would say that Buster Scruggs is the quintessential postmodern Western, if you look at it as one movie instead of as an anthology, because it celebrates the history of the form. The magic of that movie is that it engages you in each story while also being a meditation on death. That’s what connects each one of those tales, and then it’s also a meditation on storytelling to boot. In the final chapter, you have a character talking about why we love stories, and he’s telling it to a bunch of people who you’ll learn are all dead.

The stories are a way of delaying the inevitable mortality. I mean, look at that. It’s such an accomplishment. With that movie, I think Joel and Ethan put filmmakers on notice that Westerns had better always be also about Westerns, because whether you like it or not, they are. I think they probably came to understand that when they were making True Grit, although knowing the two of them they probably understood it already.

Do you feel there’s a direct correlation between a movie like Buster Scruggs and Old Henry, in this era of postmodern, revisionist Westerns? How it impacts a movie like Old Henry is that you have Potsy embracing the Western-ness of the movie. This film is unapologetic about all the tropes that it’s deploying in service of telling the story. You’ve got the cantankerous old man hiding a past, who’s a maverick who wants to keep the law and the bad guys off his property. He wants to be left alone. You’ve got a satchel full of cash. You’ve got gunslinging, physical violence, and feeding somebody to the pigs. Yet, it’s all accomplished without irony in a very straightforward way that is utterly confident, and in love with the genre.

I think ultimately that’s why the movie works, because it’s very front-footed. It’s not hiding from you. It’s not deceiving you and trying to tell you it’s something that it isn’t. It’s a good, straightforward Western.

Tim Blake Nelson as the titular singer in ‘The Ballad of Buster Scruggs’ (2018).

That’s a bit different from those Leone Westerns, with all of their anachronisms. I remember when the movie Silverado came out when I was growing up, and people were calling it a “quiche Western”, which was funny. That was what they would call it in Oklahoma because it had a bunch of movie stars in it, who weren’t known for being in Westerns. It was the Sergio Leone crowd calling it that. I went and saw it, wondering, “Well, if it’s a quiche Western, then why is everybody talking about it?” I saw it, and I loved it. Those folks putting it down like that were wrong. It’s actually a straightforward, hard-boiled, hardcore unapologetic Western. You don’t like some of the movie stars in it, but get over it. The reason that movie works is because it’s straight-ahead and well-told, and I think that movie holds up.

Old Henry is the same kind of animal. It’s more in the tradition of Sergio Leone—or, actually, I would say more in the tradition of Unforgiven. That was a big influence on Potsy.

Unforgiven was marvelous in the way it demystified that old black hat/white hat mentality of Westerns, opening up a more multi-dimensional understanding. You’re no stranger to that. A series like Watchmen takes that approach with superheroes, who in a sense hold the position now that Western heroes used to hold culturally. Do you find there’s more of a demand these days to challenge those archetypes who used to be put on pedestals—be they superheroes, cowboys, police—and provide a deeper analysis? Absolutely, yes. At the same time, I think the demystified Western hero goes back to John Wayne in The Searchers. I think it really started with that character, one of the greatest characters ever in a Western. There’s One-Eyed Jacks, with Marlon Brando, which was made just after The Searchers, and again embracing this concept of an extremely complicated man. I don’t think you get the Sergio Leone movies without that.

I always think of McCabe & Mrs. Miller as a Western that was doing something totally different than anything I had seen before. That’s another one, with that final image with the character smoking opium, going into oblivion after the demise of Warren Beatty’s very flawed character, after you’ve watched what it has taken to really build that town. You have a director, Robert Altman, making the deliberate choice to shoot in order so that they can build the town while they’re shooting the movie, and you really get the cost of it. I think there’s a lot of history to get to a place where a movie like Unforgiven can happen. Then Clint comes along and, as he often does, moves it forward even more.

Gavin Lewis as Henry’s son Wyatt in ‘Old Henry’.

That’s a film that tackles legacy, as does Old Henry, which at its core is ultimately about the relationship between a father and his son. You got to work on this film with your own son, coincidentally named Henry, who was part of the art department. What is that experience like, getting to share your passion with your son on a project together? Well, I think something that is true for the character of Henry and for myself, and perhaps all of us, is that we all want our kids to have better lives than ours. I want that to be true in every respect. Mostly, I want them to be more fulfilled than I have been. My kids look at me when I say that and say, “Thanks a lot Dad for raising that bar”, because they see that I have a pretty good life. Which I do, but I still think they can be more fulfilled than I am, and I want that for them. One of the great privileges of this movie was to watch my son—who was the on-set decorator—work his ass off.

Those are the words of an incredibly proud father. He’s a work horse, and he’s learning about filmmaking, and I think on his current trajectory he will go beyond where I’ve gone as a filmmaker, directing more movies than I’ve been able to direct. Do a better job at it, too. He’s also a singer-songwriter, and I think he can have a venerable career doing that if he wants, but he wants to make movies too, and I hope that’s going to happen for him. It was a thrill to watch him do the work, the twelve- and fourteen-hour days, and after every take resetting and making sure everything was right. It felt like an accomplishment to see him take on that responsibility and do the real work every day.

Related content

SJ Holiday’s lists of Essential Neo-Westerns and Essential Modern Westerns

The Best Neo-Westerns of the 21st Century, according to JS Lewis

Our interview with Slow West director John Maclean

Follow Mitchell on Letterboxd

‘Old Henry’ is in US theaters now and on VOD from Friday, October 8.

#tim blake nelson #old henry #western #westerns #western movies #sergio leone #clint eastwood #stephen dorff #letterboxd #mitchell beaupre #coen brothers #coen bros #buster scruggs #joel coen #ethan coen

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dizzydancingdreamer · 3 years

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Persephone's Symphony | Night One | Persephone

Hey lovelies, here's the next part. It's a little longer-- I got carried which, if you know me and my work, tends to happen frequently. I do hope you all enjoy and thank you so much to everyone who has sent me kind words and thoughts and ahhhh thank you!! I am forever grateful. Now, without further adieu...

Synopsis: In which he is the bad one— the dangerous one, the clunky one, the one who only knows how to break things— and she is the good one— the fragile one, the soft one, the one who knows how to put things back together— and he has to keep her alive long enough for anyone else— anyone who can do more than kill— to save her like she deserves to be saved— to save her from him. There are no pomegranates, no three headed dogs, and no requirement to stay— that is, if they don’t count an assassin on the loose out for her neck. In that case, three days in a safe house doesn’t feel like a long time— just long enough for Persephone and Hades to remember why opposites attract.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader (third person)

Warnings: meh some angst, some talk of death-- the normal for this series

Word count: 5.2k (omg)

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The rest of the day goes smoothly. Well, as smoothly as a day can go when there’s someone out there trying to kill you. Maybe smooth is the wrong word. For dinner she pops a frozen pizza in the oven— she’s already used up her quota for homestyle cooking on the grilled cheese and, besides, Bucky doesn’t seem to mind. If he does then he doesn’t say anything about it, at least. He pounds back five slices— she really doubts he hates it that much. She eats three. Had it just been her she would have eaten one— maybe. She doesn’t have the energy these days to eat more than that. It’s a paradox, one that has her going to bed tired and waking up exhausted most days.

Something is different with him though. She wants to eat more because it means that she gets to sit a little longer at the creaky wooden table and pretend to be normal. She never thought feeling normal would mean eating cheap pizza with her bodyguard in a safe house but, well, they say normal is relative, right? Usually she eats in the dark, under the glow of whatever movie she deems fit to fill the silence that night. Sitting across from him makes her feel like she has some semblance of her old life back. Like she has a life at all— even if he’s being paid to sit there and listen to her prattle on about nothing.

After dinner is a little more awkward. She spends the next two hours milling about, pretending to read this book of dogs she had found earlier on the coffee table. She had always wanted a dog when she was younger, one of those huge great danes, charcoal black and big enough to snuggle with. The kind that would keep her safe and follow her everywhere she goes. There’s one just like she had always imagined on page one hundred and nine. Sleek and beautiful and huge. That’s probably why she keeps going back to the book.

All she really does is look at the pictures, not that she would tell him that. She can see him glancing at her every so often and she would like to keep her guise of being smart up for as long as possible. She wasn’t lying when she told him that she was the top of her class— she was, and valedictorian too. She is smart. Well, smart when it comes to technology at least. The rest is debatable. Her mother used to tell her that she’s book smart— that if she were kidnapped and dropped off in the middle of nowhere she would be screwed.

If only her mother could see her now— could see that she’s holding up.

You know, if holding up means wanting to scream and cry and throw this stupid Big Book of Dogs against the wall because she can’t scream and cry. She’s holding up on the outside— that’s what matters. If everyday is as bearable as this one then she’ll be able to do all three before she knows it. She’ll be able to sit in the dark, spoon in one hand, Chunky Monkey in the other, and throw whatever the fuck she wants at the wall. For now, though, she just has to look at the pictures of the great dane and swallow her screams like they’re ice cream.

Eventually she stands, shifting on her feet, trying not to cringe when the boards squeak under her. It doesn’t make his head turn and look at her— how can it when his stare has been burning into her since before she stood up? She doesn’t really know what to say— it’s nine-thirty and she could sit there for another two hours— two or three or seven, what’s the difference?— but there’s no point in pushing the inevitable. Eventually she is going to have to get ready for bed and then, by default, actually go to bed.

How is that going to work?

A picture of her laying next to him pops into her mind, one where her limbs are curled tight against her chest, her legs ramrod straight, afraid to even do so much as breathe. Not out of fear that he’d hurt her or anything like that, though. Out of fear that she’d embarrass herself is more accurate. That she would wake up— if she even slept at all— with her body sprawled on top of his like the protagonists in one of her cheesy, unrealistic rom-coms. This isn’t a movie— she doesn’t want it to be. If this is her life’s movie then she wants to have a word with the director. She wants out. This isn’t the script she agreed to.

She doesn’t know what to say so she doesn’t say anything, only gathers her bag from where she stashed it next to the couch. A threadbare messenger bag big enough for a few pairs of leggings, her older brother’s Dodgers t-shirt, and some toiletries. She slings it over her shoulder, acutely aware of the fact that his gaze never leaves her, watching as she straightens and turns, meeting his icy blue eyes without so much as a hint of shame forming in them. Why should he be ashamed? It’s his job— he’s being paid to stare. That’s what she tells herself. It doesn’t make her feel any less exposed— any less seen.

For a moment she just looks at him— like really, truly looks at him. Sure, she’s been with him for roughly twelve hours now. Theoretically she’s had plenty of time to look at him. And of course she has— there’s no way she could have avoided it even if she wanted to. She has looked at him just not like this. Not the details. The facts. That’s what this is— a fact finding mission. Yeah, that sounds right— that’s what she’ll say if he asks, at least.

She takes in his face first, craning her neck slightly to do so. Slightly means far enough that your head touches your shoulders now. She ticks things off in her head as goes— bronzed skin, strong jaw, straight nose. She finds it hard to believe that his nose has never been broken. She drops lower— pink lips, the bottom one fuller. She doesn’t linger there despite the ache that grows in her throat. When was the last time she kissed a man? Too long ago.

She continues on her mission before she has time to stop and think about what it means to stare at her bodyguard’s lips and think about kissing. Absolutely nothing good, that’s what. She tries to distract herself with his broad shoulders and the way his henley stretches at the seams, scrounging for any and every ounce of space. For a moment it works. She starts thinking about the kind of regime one would have to undergo in order to get to his size, then about where he has to buy his clothes, before finally landing on what it would feel like to slip her arms into his shirt and to be totally engulfed—

Nope— she flicks her eyes even further down, skimming over something that, though she’s been looking at it for the better half of all day, she still can’t wrap her head around. His hand. His metal hand. She can feel his stare turn to lead on her forehead— feel him waiting for her to ask.

She’s not going to.

Not because she doesn’t want to know the story. Of course she wants to know! Her whole life is— or at least was— technology. She wants to know why he needs it, who made it, what it’s made of, if it’s connected to his nervous system, if it’s— the idea is there. She’s curious— she’s a scientist. Just like it’s his job to keep her alive, it’s her job to be enthralled by innovation.

That doesn’t mean she’s going to ask though. She likes him too much to do that. He’s nice enough to her and he doesn’t treat her like the little orphan girl that everyone else does. He doesn’t tiptoe around her— not that he could. He’s too big for that. He just doesn’t treat her like a freak, so she won’t treat him like an experiment.

And, of course, he’s a human being not a machine. That’s probably more important. She likes him and he’s a human. Priorities or whatever.

She meets his gaze again, watching him watch her, her face setting on fire. “Bedtime?”

What the fuck is wrong with you, y/n?

He presses his lips together, holding her stare for a beat before shrugging his shoulders, giving the henley a run for its money. “Bedtime.”

She turns at that, scampering up the stairs, listening to the thumping of his boots against the hardwood. It’s not a race but it’s also not not a race— she wants to get to the bathroom before he can so she can lock the door. She needs five minutes. That’s it. Just five minutes. Maybe it is a race.

“Hey— shit— wait!” She doesn’t, she only pumps her legs harder, almost slipping as she bolts into the bathroom, slamming the door and clicking the lock shut.

He really thought she wasn’t going to try that, huh? She learned her lesson this afternoon— the man takes his job very seriously.

The knob jiggles and she sticks her tongue out at it, finally in a space where she can let her bones relax. For the first time all day it feels like her skin isn’t on fire. It’s weird— she almost misses it. The door handle jiggles harder. Almost.

Five minutes, that’s all she needs.

His voice cuts through the door and she almost groans out loud. “You know I’m supposed to—”

“I know—” she starts pulling things out of her bag, hastily dropping what she doesn’t need and gathering what she does onto the vinyl countertop, very much aware of the ticking clock— “but the window in here isn’t even big enough for me to crawl out of so I think I can brush my teeth, yeah?”

She can practically feel the stress rolling off him, seeping under the crack between the door and the tiled floor. Half of her feels guilty but the other half couldn’t care less— she’s a grown ass woman and she will use the toilet without help.

She hears him let out a loud sigh and practically jumps in excitement— she won. “Fine— you get ten minutes, got it? Ten minutes and then I break this door down.”

“Aye-aye, captain.” Thank gods he can’t see her right now or she would most definitely melt through the ground.

“You’re down to seven now.”

She shakes her head at her reflection, scrunching her nose and rolling her eyes at herself— “That’s fair.”

She hurries to slather some toothpaste on her brush, plopping it into her mouth as she shimmies out of her daytime leggings and into her nighttime ones. A fashion icon. She somehow also manages to take her dad’s hoodie off, avoiding the toothbrush and replacing the tank top underneath with a fresh one from her bag. Take that, Barnes.

She scrubs at her teeth, simultaneously digging through her pile of things for the deodorant she knows is in there. She finds it after a moment, rinsing her mouth and running the bar one too many times over her armpits— there’s absolutely no way she’s about to go into that bedroom with even the slight possibility of smelling bad. Especially when she still doesn’t know the sleeping arrangements.

She swipes her things back into her bag, shoving them in roughly, not noticing the hairbrush teetering precariously on the edge of the counter. It’s like it’s taunting her, just waiting to get her in trouble. That’s exactly what it does, too— just as her eyes meet the sinister blue plastic it’s too late, the brush already hurtling off the edge and crashing against the floor. Of course it has to hit the tiles head on and miss the hoodie by an inch. Time freezes for a moment when she hears the clang— well, there go the last three minutes of solitude.

She scrambles back just as the door slams open, fully expecting it but not any less startled, the area where the lock would be splintering into a million tiny pieces of wood— of dust— he pulverized the door! Her heart pounds furiously as Bucky surges forward, his jean clad legs pressing against her exposed shoulder, his body rigid as he does a full circle of the tiny bathroom, yanking back the shower curtain as if an assassin would really think that is the best hiding place. God she’s so fucking mortified.

He doesn’t move away from her when he finally looks down, his dark eyebrows drawn into a tight line, chest heaving so hard she wonders if the material is going to split right down the middle. His leg against her is hot, even through the material. Almost as hot as her face— face, neck, shoulders, toes.

“What happened?”

She meekly holds up the blue plastic brush, squeezing her eyes shut. “He just snuck up on me Bucky— I thought I was a goner.”

She cracks an eye open to his clenched jaw, his still heaving chest now much lower— closer. He takes the brush from her hand, setting it on the counter before offering his own hand— the flesh hand— out to her. She takes it, letting him effortlessly pull her body from the ground without so much as even a grunt. Before she knows it she’s eye level with the buttons on his shirt, leaning all the way back in order to meet his simmering crystal eyes.

“We’re not doing that again.” We’re. As in both of them— a team.

She tries to keep from trembling at his deep voice. It doesn’t work. He notices— of course he notices— and takes a step back. She doesn’t have the heart— or the gall— to tell him that she’s not shaking because she’s afraid of him.

“It was a hairbrush.” She sighs, curling her arms around her chest, suddenly feeling more exposed than ever under the surprisingly bright fluorescents.

Of course now, when she’s standing in a flimsy tank top, is the one time the lights aren’t dimmed.

He doesn’t back down, seething his words between his teeth. “This time— this time it was a hairbrush.”

She shakes her head, dropping her eyes and bending to scoop up her hoodie— she doesn’t want to see him angry at her. It makes her feel guilty; like her her chest is caving in on itself. She doesn’t need that on top of everything else.

“Fine, whatever.” She grabs her bag, brushing by him.

She knows that she’s being childish. She isn’t an idiot, contrary to what her mind likes to tell her. She’s just exhausted. Exhausted of having to always look over her shoulder, exhausted of wondering who’s going to die next— if she’s going to die next, exhausted of having to actively try to stay alive. She’s just exhausted in general. She doesn’t want to die but, gods, if she isn’t so damn tired of having to think about it. Aren’t you supposed to just live? Not think about living?

She pushes open the door to the bedroom, dumping her bag next to the cedar chest at the end of the bed, refusing to turn around when she hears his footsteps— much quieter than she’s yet to hear them— enter behind her. She crosses her arms again, digging her fingers into the flesh hard enough to give herself something to focus on other than how much she wants to rip every strand of hair from her head. Her eyes wander over the olive duvet, noting how the color makes the black iron frame pop in contrast. Maybe she should change up her bedroom back home.

She bites her lip— she’s stalling. It’s a queen sized bed, more than big enough for both of them. Maybe she should offer it to him. There’s barely any room on the floor to sprawl out, only a small space either next to the dresser beside the bed or in front of the chest. Either way he would probably have to lay as stiff as possible to avoid bumping his limbs. The right thing to do would be to offer it to him— to take the floor.

She listens as he takes a step, the air behind her shifting, and she tenses. “Look, I think we should talk—”

“Do you want the bed?” She tries to keep her tone balanced— to keep from hurling the words at him like daggers. Or like hair brushes.

“I’m serious, I’m sor—”

She whirls around, her hair flying around her face, features schooled but tone edging closer towards being unhinged— she just needs to sleep. “Do you want the bed?”

She doesn’t meet his eyes— she’s tired of that game, it's time to start a new one. This one’s called how long can y/n stare at the buttons on his henley until before she sets them on fire out of sheer willpower. His chest deflates, his hands twitching at his sides before curling and slipping behind his back. He’s looking at her— of course he is. It’s all he does. It’s his job.

“You take it.” He says it so quietly she barely hears it, his tone the picture of resignation. It doesn’t make her feel good— she didn’t think it would though.

His stare never leaves her. She’s still not looking at him but she can tell. It makes her skin burn from her ears all the way down to her chest, her skin prickling like she's being prodded by a thousand mini suns. She feels like she’s in the desert and she forgot to put sunscreen on. Is this what flowers feel like? Does the sun beat down so relentlessly on them that they feel like they’re being set on fire? As relentlessly as he watches her?

It’s his job, it’s his job, it’s his job.

“Okay.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

She lays in bed for three hours, eyes wide open and body pin straight. The room is pitch black, spare a hint of light pouring in from under the door. It shines a stripe onto the olive duvet, one that she just barely flicks her wrist back and forth through. Not enough to ruffle the loud blanket— which for the record crinkles louder than a chip bag when she moves even an inch underneath it— but enough to watch the light dance over her skin and keep her from going completely mad. She feels like a cat chasing a laser— entirely moronic but strangely entertained. Alas, all good things must come to an end.

By the time the fourth hour rolls around she is beyond restless. The strip of light got old a half hour ago— which, granted, kept her entertained for far longer than she would be willing to admit but still. Now she wants to move. She needs to move. If she were home she would still be awake. The digital clock beside the bed flashes one-thirty, scarlet red and glaring at her. It’s not even close to the ungodly hour in which she usually crawls into her bed, pulling the blanket over her head and praying for the sun to magically disappear. Not even close.

She can practically hear Lindsy Lohan calling her name— it’s Wednesday, y/n. On Wednesdays we wear pink. Yeah, she knows Lindsy! Unfortunately the big man on the floor doesn’t know that. Usually her Wednesday's aren’t so blocked— is it even Wednesday? It doesn’t matter. She just wants to watch Mean Girls now— with or without the Chunky Monkey.

She waits another ten minutes, mulling the idea over as the anticipation steadily grows in her stomach, churning her organs into soup over the idea of having to tiptoe past her sleeping bodyguard. She holds her breath a few times, making sure his breathing is even and calm. Making sure that he’s asleep. Each time his breaths are the same, gentle, even hiss of air. In, out, pause. In, out, pause. Over and over and over again. For a moment she debates staying and just listening to him breathe for the rest of the night. But no— that’s creepy and she’s sure that she can be in and out without him waking up in the hour and thirty-seven minutes it takes to watch the movie.

Yes she counted and every minute is worth the risk— she’s doing it!

She takes a deep breath, sliding as silently as she can under the covers. Each movement feels magnified— like someone is holding a microphone to her limbs. She just prays that the microphone isn’t connected to his ears. What are the odds that he’s a heavy sleeper? Nevermind, she doesn’t want to know.

After what feels like an eternity of inching her way to the edge of the bed her foot finally shoots over the edge, greeting the chilly air and sending a jolt racing up her spine. She’s really doing it. She slips the other out next, rising onto her elbows and holding the position. She can’t see her legs— hell, she can’t see her hand two feet in front of her face— but she can feel the space depleting as she slips off the mattress. Biting back a hiss as her toes brace against the hardwood, she just barely stops herself from hopping up and down. If she were home she would amp up the theatrics, maybe throw in a squeal for good measure— forget technology, being a drama queen is her true calling.

Just not when there’s a man who she needs to stay asleep laying a few feet away from her.

She shuffles blindly forward, trying to remember where she saw him lay down before she turned off the lamp. That was four hours ago though and she’s starting to think that all that time playing with the crack of light has fried her brain. She thinks he’s near the chest but she can’t be sure.

She could swear—she could drop the loudest f-bomb this planet has ever known. She would, too, if she knew it wouldn’t wake him up. All she wants to do is watch some petty, pretty girls fight over a mediocre brunette. Is that really too much to ask for?

No— the answer is no. So she does what any self respecting woman would do in that situation and she wings it. She guesses. That’s respectable, right? Right. She takes each step with care, searching for any warm spots that might give her a hint as to where he is, all the while chasing after that little crack of light like it’s heaven. Because that’s what it is— a haven from having to lay alone with her thoughts all night.

As was to be expected sooner rather than later, her toes brush against a rather hot patch of wood and she freezes. He’s here— somewhere— she just has no idea where here is. She squints, searching for even a hint of the man. When she comes away with nothing, the scream— the one that’s never quite gone, always just simmering in the back of her throat— surges. She has to swallow— swallow, gag, same thing— in order to keep from foiling her own plan.

She brushes her foot forward. Slowly. Painfully, excruciatingly slowly. When her toes brush against the folds of a blanket she gasps. It slips out before she can stop it and she plasters a hand over her mouth as soon as it happens, praying that it isn’t too late— that there’s still a chance she can make it.

She hears Bucky shift on the ground, holding her breath, her toes a mere foot away from the soldier. She counts in her head— one, two, three, oh fuck is he moving, four— before taking another step. Repeating the process, it takes four rounds of this little tip toe game until her hands finally land against the door frame, searching through the darkness until her fingers curl around the knob. Mean Girls here she comes.

“Where ya’ going?” Bucky’s voice cuts through the night easily, rich and deep and cruel.

There isn’t even a hint of sleep in his tone— he was awake the entire time. Her face flushes, her neck searing hot. She can almost hear her skin crackling where the straps of her tank top touch her. She should have known he wouldn’t be a deep sleeper— or sleeping at all, apparently. Damnit.

“I, ah, was just going to the bathroom?” Really? The bathroom?

She has never been so thankful for the dark than she is in this moment, if only because he can’t see the way she rolls her eyes at her own stupidity and scrunches her entire face up. She can’t scream— that idea’s already been scrapped— so it’s the next best thing. That doesn’t stop her throat from bubbling though, the frustration knocking on her windpipe like the friendly neighbour back for even more sugar.

“You’re a terrible liar, you know that?” She swears for a moment she can hear a hint of laughter in his voice, just enough to make the accusation bearable.

She whirls around, hands glued to her hips and trying not to slam her foot down like an insolent toddler. Something hot flares up in her chest— something which she hasn’t felt in ages. Anger. It makes her want to smack him. She wouldn’t, of course, but she wants to— she wants to wipe the smirk out of his words. She wants to more than she’s wanted to do anything in a very long time.

“What do you want me to say then, hmm?”

She can just make out the way Bucky pushes himself up, his shadowy figure now taking up more space. Taking up space in general— of course now she can see him. If she were closer to him she is sure his head would sit above her belly button, right under her brea— stop that, y/n!

“How ‘bout the truth?” God she can still hear that insufferable smirk.

“That was the truth.”

“It wasn’t.”

His breath comes in hot puffs against her stomach— he’s closer than she thought. She doesn’t realize her tank top has ridden up until his face is inches away from her exposed skin. She tries not to shudder as she yanks the material back down her abdomen. Traitorous body!

She wants to rip her hair out— again. “Yes, it was—”

He’s standing now, pushing his way towards her in the dark until she can feel the heat rolling off his body, face to face with a hulking chest. “Just tell me what you want so we can do it, alright?”

There it is again— we.

She can’t breathe. This seems to be becoming a trend— her not being able to breathe when he’s around her. This time it’s her fault though. She squishes her eyes closed, taking a moment to pull in some much needed air. It does little to help her— it smells like nutmeg and cinnamon. She has no idea how he manages to smell like a bakery— or how she hasn’t noticed until now, when she needs more than anything to pull away from the warmth and not fall deeper into it. Unprofessional, y/n— you’re supposed to be the grieving daughter.

She takes another moment, ignoring how he shifts on his feet, clearly becoming impatient, before finally whispering— “I wanted to watch a movie.”

A pause— a long one— before a soft ‘okay’.

For a moment she thinks she hears him wrong— no way the giant soldier is down for movie night with her. Shouldn’t he be telling her to go back to bed? Telling her that it isn’t in his job description to babysit her— to keep her entertained? Surely he doesn’t actually want to watch a movie.

“You don’t have to—”

“Actually, I do.” Oh yeah. He has to follow her wherever she goes. She almost forgot that she might die.

Die for what— wanting to watch a god damn movie?

“Forget it— it was stupid.”

She goes to brush past him, tucking her shoulders up and into her neck, trying to put some space between them as she tucks tail and slips back towards the bed. Talk about a busted ego.

A hand curls around her forearm, halting her retreat. “Let’s watch a movie— can’t sleep anyway.”

She swallows thickly. If she were to turn her cheek a few inches she is sure it would brush against his shoulder.

“Are you sure?”

“‘Course I am.”

She nods— she knows he can’t see her but she doesn’t trust her voice— and that’s how she ends up watching Mean Girls with a man large enough to rip her in half with his bare hands. A few times she glances over at him, searching through the glow of the TV to the other side of the supple leather couch where his gaze remains locked on the screen. She’s even sure she hears a few breathy laughs— like he’s trying not to laugh but he can’t help it.

The big bad bodyguard likes chick flicks.

About halfway through something unexpected happens— her eyelids begin to heavy. It’s stange, the clock on the wall reads only slightly past two in the morning. She never sleeps before six. Regardless, though, she curls her legs into her body, tucking them under the hoodie she had replaced before leaving the room. Her head slopes against the arm of the couch, eyes fluttering a few times before dropping shut. She’s not going to sleep, obviously— just resting her eyes.

She feels something heavy pool on her lap and the faintest wisps of fingers— some warm and some cold— adjusting the new weight. It brushes against her shin— a blanket. He put a blanket on her. She pulls it closer, dragging it over her cheek, trying her best to stave off the sleep tugging at her limbs. Maybe a conversation will help. There are a few things she’s been meaning to tell him.

“I didn’t mind it.” She whispers it but she’s sure he can hear her over the all but muted TV.

The couch cushions shift, sinking for a moment before stilling. She can picture him facing her now, his head tilted, blue eyes serious. Always on alert, always ready to defend.

“What?” He even sounds defensive— like he’s waiting for her to drop a bomb on him.

Silly man, can’t you see that she can barely even force the last word out of her mouth with how tired she is?

“Doll. I—” she yawns, pulling her limbs closer to her, tucking a hand under her head— “I didn’t mind it.”

He doesn’t say anything right away. If it were daytime she’s sure she would have cared but for now she’s okay not feeling any of the prescribed embarrassment.

“Oh.”

She doesn’t say anything else, only snuggles deeper into the arm of the couch. It must be the exhaustion talking— that’s what she’ll tell herself tomorrow anyway when she’s forced to confront this conversation again. For now she just gives in, letting herself fall into the darkness without fear for what feels like the first time in months.

_________________

Tag List: @xhollycowx @remembered-license @dumble-daddy @hellotvshowtrash @thesummerbucky @elijahs-wife @cari1bunny @im-just-star-dust

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky #bucky fic #bucky x y/n #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #mcu #mcu fic #mcu imagine #marvel cinematic universe #marvel cinematic universe fic #reader insert #Persephone's Symphony

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fansofvow · 4 years

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Interview with Eve Golden Woods!

Many of you know who is Eve is. She's a writer and artist, a part of Dreamfeel studios whose beautiful game If Found won Best LGBTQ Narrative and Best LGBTQ Indie game at the first ever Gayming Awards presented by EA games. I am really excited I had the chance to ask Eve some questions about herself, her time at Lovestruck and her creative process.

Congratulations on the two Gayming Awards (Best LGBTQ Narrative, Best LGBTQ Indie Game) for "If Found" from your game studio, Dreamfeel. What was the inspiration behind making the game?

If Found... was a game that emerged out of a collaboration between Llaura McGee, the founder of Dreamfeel, and artist Liadh Young. Liadh's background is as a comic artist, and so when they started working together Llaura had the idea of showing off Liadh's art by making a diary game, and using an erasing mechanic she had previously developed to let the player move through the diary in a fun way. By the time I came on board at the start of 2019, the game had already been in development for a while, so in some ways my work on that game was similar to the work I did for Voltage, because it was taking existing characters and concepts and writing a lot of scripts for them. Unlike Voltage, though, my work for Dreamfeel was a lot more collaborative and I had a lot more creative input. I really enjoy taking something and helping to make it the best version of itself that it can possibly be, but I was also really happy that I got to reflect a lot of my own experiences in If Found. Llaura and I both grew up on the west coast of Ireland, and although If Found... isn't autobiographical for either of us, it was definitely really meaningful to be able to tell a story that reflected our own experiences of growing up as queer teens in a similar kind of environment. Since the game came out we've had fans reach out to us and tell us that they also connected to the experiences of the main characters, and as far as I'm concerned, that makes me feel like I achieved everything I wanted to.

You are a writer and a visual artist. Does one come easier to you than the other?

I used to think of art and writing as talents, and I always felt like my art was at a very mediocre level (that's probably still true, lol). So when I was younger I focused a lot more on writing. It was only later that I started genuinely trying to improve as an artist, but when I did, I think I had a much healthier mindset, and approached it as a skill I could learn with patience and effort. Because of that, even though I still have a lot more confidence in my writing, I find art more fun and relaxing, and I don't stress about it as much.

Did you always know you would follow a creative path?

Kind of? Both my parents are artists, and I grew up surrounded by artists and writers, so it was something that was always very familiar and accessible to me. On the other hand, I didn't exactly have a clear idea of how to make it into a career, or what kind of work would be involved. But there's never been a point in my life where I wasn't doing something creative, even if it was only writing fanfiction.

What did your path to working professionally as a writer/artist look like?

I did a creative writing masters in college, but after that I spent years teaching English as a second language. That was really fun and I got to live abroad, but it was so busy and tiring that I didn't have time to do any writing outside of the occasional fanfic. I only started to take art seriously again when I became interested in games and comics as ways of telling stories. I did some critical writing, which led me to speak at a few local events and get involved in zine fairs. That was how I met Llaura, the director and lead of the Dreamfeel studio, and it's also what gave me the confidence to start applying for actual writing jobs.

Is there any work of art, visual or written, that you look to for inspiration?

So many! I try to read and watch as widely as I can, although there are touchstones I always return to, like the works of Ursula Le Guin and Terry Pratchett. Right now I feel very passionate about the actual play podcast Friends at the Table, which manages to combine really thoughtful worldbuilding and storytelling with cool, fun characters and great action scenes. I'm also reading a book called The Memory Police by Youko Ogawa, which has extremely beautiful prose.

Do you have a favorite piece of your own art, whether it is something you’ve drawn, a screenshot of something you’ve written or something else?

My favourite piece of art is usually whatever I finished most recently (I think that's true for a lot of people). Especially with visual art, once a bit of time has gone by you look back on it and start to notice all your mistakes, which is very annoying. But actually I do still really like the first piece of Fiona fanart I did last year. I managed to use some effects to give it a kind of nineties anime quality that I find really fun, and I think it conveys an emotion pretty effectively. That's always one of the hardest things to predict with visual art, whether the different parts will come together to create the exact mood you're looking for.

I also really like the compass I did for Bycatch. Krissy (@xekstrin) was the one who suggested filling it with fingernails, which was such a good, gross idea! As soon as I heard that I knew it was perfect and that I had to try and draw it.

Many people who read this blog know you as a writer for Lovestruck. When you look back on your time there, what stands out in your mind?

Lovestruck was very important to me when I first started because it was my first ongoing, regular, paid writing work. It gave me a lot of confidence and helped me to get into the habit of writing consistently and rapidly, which is a really useful skill to have. I know I was right to leave when I did, though, because I am just brimming with energy to work on my own projects, and channeling that power into something that you can't control will always end up disappointing you. Also, I made a ton of incredible friends, through Lovestruck itself but then even more so through VOW (@vowtogether), and that is more than worth all the difficult parts.

Is there any character that you would have liked a crack at writing?

Oh gosh, what a fun question! There are so many, but one I do sometimes think about is Axia, just because I know there are a bunch of fans who want her route, and because I had fun writing her as a villain in Zain's route. I can see in my head the shadow of a storyline that takes place after Zain's route is over, where she's in prison and trying to understand how she lost the battle with Zain and MC. I think there's, like, a gap there, where you could see her downfall forcing her to reconsider her assumptions about power, and that could build into a very interesting redemption story. But maybe it's for the best I never got to do that, because I would have wanted full creative control over it, and also I think the story in my head is very different to the sexy, in control, menacing version of Axia that her fans enjoy.

Do you have any upcoming projects you can talk about?

Most of my current work is under NDA, but I will say that I'm doing something very exciting with other VOW members that we should be able to talk about soon(ish). Maybe I can even give a little teaser... It's not a game, but it is something you can read, and my part involves cakes, swamps, and a museum.

Do you have a favorite quote or song lyric?

It's a big long, but there's a section from The Dispossessed by Ursula le Guin that has stayed with me ever since I read it:

"For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another starved? Will you punish us for that? Will you reward us for the virtue of starving while others ate? No man earns punishment, no man earns reward. Free your mind of the idea of deserving, the idea of earning, and you will begin to be able to think."

It's such a profoundly radical way of imagining the world, so different to everything I was raised with, but whenever I think about it I feel like I can see something very beautiful and powerful that I hope to come closer to understanding some day.

And of course, "Solidarity forever, the union makes us strong."

I was a big fan of the show Inside the Actor’s Studio. Host James Lipton asked every single guest the same 10 concluding questions. I’ve picked 3 of them:

-What is your favorite word?

My favourite word: for sound, I like words you can really roll around on your tongue. Chthonic, alabaster, insinuation. For meaning, I think simple words that encapsulate big concepts have a kind of power to them. We use them so often we forget how big they are, how much weight they really have, but they give us the space to imagine new possibilities. Love. Freedom. Revolution.

-What is your least favorite word?

I've heard that "moist" is a lot of people's least favourite word but it doesn't actually bother me. My least favourite word is probably one where I feel like the sound doesn't match the meaning. One of the Irish words for rain is báisteach, which I feel has a much weightier and more onomatopoeic sound than rain. Rain is just very flat and uninteresting.

-What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Oh, so many! I love history, and I think being a historian/archaeologist would be fascinating. Or something that had a physical component to it, like being a potter or a carpenter. I don't think I'd be any good, but I'd love to take the time to learn.

What would be your advice to anyone who wants to pursue a creative career?

All the work you do matters. Even the failed experiments, the things you hate when they're finished. It all helps to make you better. Also, creative career paths are often really unexpected, so chase any opportunity that seems remotely interesting. Don't work for free for anyone who can afford to pay, but work for yourself and put it somewhere. On a blog, twitter, whatever. You'd be amazed how many people get noticed and get offered opportunities because of something they made in their spare time. You'll probably have to work another job for a long time, so don't be hard on yourself if you're too tired to devote much energy to creative work. Try to make art consistently, but don't feel like that has to mean every day. Don't chase after celebrities. Make friends with your peers.

#vowtogether #vow interview #writing #art #lovestruck #dreamfeel #iffound #gayming #gaming #mod atlas

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popculturebuffet · 4 years

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Sparkshortstravaganza! (Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

Well this was a needed kick in the pants. When I first heard of the Sparkshorts program I was excited. As a kid I loved PIxar, as an adult I love pixar and as an old man dealing with the loss of his partner floating away in my balloon house, i’ll still love pixar. So the idea of a program focused on giving new fresh talent the room to do whatever they wanted and make content that would be on Disney Plus, a platform BADLY bereft of original animation? It was a dream come true and the first one I saw Kitbull is easily a masterpiece and something that I can vividly recall every part of to this day, which for my terrible short term memory recalling EVERYTHING is a rare feat few works have achived. But given I have a REALLY bad habit of letting things I want to watch sit there if I don’t jump on them immediately.. I let it sit there and didn’t touch any of the shorts and mostly forgot about the program until now. Until Kev, my patron and the only person paying for reviews at the moment, though others are more than welcome wink wonk, just decided what the heck and to test out comissioning shorts picked these ones because why not. And given I had been dragging my feet and reading the descriptions found creative and suprisingly heavy premises... I was fully on board And better late than never because along with Soul this program has EASILY restored my faith in the company after Onward really disapointed. Granted they’ve done worse, while there are pixar films I haven’t seen I need to like Coco or Cars 3, I’ve vowed NEVER to watch Cars 2 unless I have to and that vow has served me well so far. The shorts here are as a whole beautifully animated, have a ton of wonderful concepts and even the two weaker ones are still gorgeous to look at and a decent watch regardless and both come from a very well meaning place with a very well meant message. So yeah i’m thankful for this comission and to show you why let’s go through every Sparkshorts so far and see why their so awesome.. after some background of course.

Sparkshorts, for the uniniated, is a program by pixar where animators are given six months and a limited budget to create a film based on personal experince. The program was designed to test out new ways of animating, directing and creating and to find a creative “spark” in it’s employees. Thus each film feels unique, has it’s own style.. and is utterly charming. I’ll be looking at them chronologically as while this wasn’t my watch order, I feel it’s a bit neater that way. I’ve already taken long enough to get to watching these, let’s open these films up and see what makes them tick shall we?

Purl: An Adorable Yarn Ball Vs Toxic Masculinity Purl.. was better the more I thought about it. The first short released, it DOES have a good message and killer animation. The film takes place at B.R.O., a dude broey brockerage firm that’s painfully relasitic both in how broey it is and in how it looks. That’s to contrast our heroine: Purl, an adorable ball of yarn who just wants to be accepted but is instead ignored by the rest of the company till she changes herself up, donning a suit like her co workers she badly wants to fit in with and adopting their wolf of wallstreet esque douchebaggery. She finally gets accepted.. but ends up shedding her new self to help another Yarn Ball starting up. Director Kristen Lester drew from personal experince, starting work at animation in a mostly male dominated workplace and thus having to adapt and only letting the femine side she’d repressed out when she moved to working at pixar, which had more female employees. The film DOES have a good message about toxic workplaces and toxic masulinty and learning the personal story did raise it a few notches as it made it clear to me that what SEEMED like an over exageration.. was probably just a light exageration given the kind of bro antics we’ve heard about at companies like Ubisoft. So while I didn’t like the film much at first honestly.. it’s over the top because it NEEDS to be because even though it’s 2021.. some idiots STILL don’t get it and kids are better off learning it now so it’ll hopefully stick when their entering the workforce. So we’ll get more people like perl willing to make a change and stick up for those like her and less dude bros. Still a decent and clever short with Perl’s bro form looking really neat and the animation on her in general is really fucking gorgeous. All in all not the best of these but still pretty good and while a bit thick on the message.. it kinda has to be.

Smash And Grab: A Jaunty Ride to Freedom

This was a really fun one. Directed by Brian Larson and inspried by his need for a break from routine this follows two robots, the titular smash and grab who are designed to well.. smash and grab coal-like energy things for a train and have for years and years. The two long to high five, but can’t because their hooked to tubes so they can’t escape. But one day Smash looks out the window and not only sees fellow robots living a better life.. but a way to power him and his buddy/love intrest? I mean bromance or romance, either way it works. Point is our heroes escape, and have to fight security. It’s just a really damn fun and creative movie. While robots wanting a better life isn’t new, the crisp art deco animation, breakneck pace, fun gags and heartwearming relationship between the two bots is just charming as hell. It’s just a fun ride the whole way through with a lot of heart and creativity with the two’s way they throw coal to one another used to take out the guards, and all together just some really good set pieces. Easily one of my faviorites here and that’s a high water mark to pass.

Kitbull: Tiny Orphan Kitty + Big Abused Doggo = Best Friends

As I said this is the only one of these I saw before today and as I said it’s stuck with me. I love dogs. I have one of my own named Yoshi whose just a sweet boy. So i’ve always loved ALL DOGS.. and was thus horrified years ago when I learned about the stigma Bulldogs get. Seen as “agressive’ and “Mean’ and victious.. when really a lot of them, including my grandpa’s own pitbull when I was little, are just loveable as any other dogs. And having also known a former fighting dog my friend owned, if a much smaller min pin rather than a pitbull, who by the time I met him had become the sweetest dog you’d ever meet.. yeah.. don’t mistreat a dog just because some assholes force it to fight to the death because their sick, horrible, ghastly human beings.. if they can even be CALLED human beings after doing that to these poor animals. My point is it’s nice to have a short about such a needed subject. Director Rosana Sullivan actually had the idea for the short for years and intended to do it as a side project, but when the program cropped up she moved it to pixar and the result is one of the most popular and easily one of the best of an already bright bunch, brought on by her love of animals and working in a shelter. It’s also one of Pixar’s first 2d animated projects and proves their just as good at that as cgi. It’s the touching story of a kitty whose alone in the world and initally mistrustful and hissy at a big dog she finds and is naturally scared of.. until she grows to bond with the dog, realizing much like a LOT of fucking people need to that pitbulls.. are just dogs and often victims of circumstance and the poor, sweet pooch who just wants his owner to love him.. is instead thrown into a fighting pit, nearly killed and forced to make a daring escape with their new forever friends help. It’s through this wonderful, heartrending friendship that the dog finds freedom and the cat.. finds them both a home, no longer running from people but instead making sure they both get a person. It’s often brutal at times, with the scene of the dog being forced to fight being one of the most striking: while we thankfully don’t see the action, we HEAR IT, as does the poor kitty, and we see the aftermath: a friendly harmless dog thrown out into the cold just because it dosen’t WANT to fight. It’s just really heartrending stuff that makes the happy ending all the better. It’s also gorgeiously animated which I mentioned but i’ll say it again; the animation here is GOREGOUS, unqiue and stunning. Go watch this if you haven’t.

Float: This is Why Krakoa Exists

This.. has easily been the hardest to review of the bunch. While ALL of these stories are very personal, very inclusive and very intresting, this one.. is a bit rougher than most of them and hits REALLY close to home. See this one was built out of director Bobby Rubio’s experinces raising his son who has autisim.

It’s about a dad who discovers his infant son can float... and thus gets stares of fear or judgment from eveyrone around him slowly getting broken down by this. So he makes a HORRIBLE judgment call and rather than just accept some people are assholes, weighs his son’s backpack down with stones despite him hating it then drags him away when he ends up floating off, before screaming at the poor kid WHY CAN’T YOU BE DIFFRENT.. He DOES instantly regret this and the ending is genuinely touching as the father finally accepts his son is different and throws him into the air while on a swing, letting his son soar as he always should’ve. It is a beautifully animated and well meant film and the filipino representation is truly great: Rubio originally was going to have the characters as white but his fellow animators convinced him to go for represntation and be true to himself and honestly in a time when disney itself has had to be fought to get queer representation most of the time, it’s nice that pixar at least is a part of it that throughly encourages representation and will gladly put diversity and representation over any bullshit “risk factors”. That being said.. while this was a decent short with a very well intentioned message and it clearly connected with a lot of people.. it wasn’t for me and I say this as someone who has autisim. As someone who has worn down people’s patince and been starred at by a freak for something I was way too young to properly deal with. I’ve been in this Kid’s shoes.

And that’s the problem: The metaphor dosen’t really work for me. While auitism CAN have some benifits and I wouldn’t be any other way i’d be lying if I said it was easy having trouble commuincating, constnatly misreading people, constnatly worrying if someone’s going to like you, and hyperfocusing on a problem instead of being able to set it and forget it for a bit to my own detriment. There’s other problems and not ALL of my issues come from anxiety disorder: I also have anxiety and depression. They just bleed badly INTO said autisim sometimes, as it’s hard to effectively combat anxiety sometimes when your mind won’t let you.

What i’m saying is... there aren’t any FAULTS in his powers. See i’m a fan of x-men, so I can only see this boy as a mutant, and yes I know they usually manfifest at puberty but there have been exceptions so don’t at me.. and one of them who has no real downsides other than the unfair stigma of being a mutant. He’s more like storm, who can control the elements and whose power only enhances her life nad lesss like say Rogue, who looks normal.. but can’t touch anyone without knocking them out at best or horribly abosrbing them into her head at worst. There’s no downside other than the fact people judge him and his dad is a dick about it. And the dad part is hard because I get what Rubio is going for: parents make mistakes, parents mess up and their only human even if they should embrace their kids anyway. That’s a good message and one I support.. I just think Rubio was way TOO hard on himself and thus made his stand in into an unlikeable asshole, one whose more concerned with how everyone ELSE thinks and does the horribly abusive action of basically tying his son’s wings down so he can’t fly. He mans well, it’s so his son dosen’t float off.. but instead of finding a way to help him and work with him on it.. he just stuffs rocks in his back and forces the kid to be miserable so other people can be happy. It just goes way too far in the other direction to work. As I said I think it’s the guy being too hard on himself, manifesting his worst moments with his kids and his biggest regrets and making himself into a very hard to like character because he has trouble forgviing himself for how he acted. So I want to say if you ever read this bobby while I wasn’t hte biggest fan of your film.. I do wholly support you and your son.. and the fact you made an entire FILM just to show your sturggle and show people there not alone was a beautiful act. You are not a bad person , we all make mistakes and we’re all just human. You are a good man Bobby Rubio. I may of not liked your metaphor... but your message is beautiful.

Wind: Immigration by Way of Rocket Science

Thankfully moving on.. this one is tied with Kitbull for my faviorite. It has a truly intriguing premise, a great metaphor, stunning animation, and is just really moving, gripping and fun to watch. This one was by Edwin Chang, and as is usualy by now, it was built on personal experince.. but not his. It was built on the fact his father was an immigrant who had to leave his mother, Chang’s grandmother, behind to a better life. She rejoined them eventually but it left an impact on his father and thus serves as the core of this story. And honestly knowing that only STRENGTHENS an already impresssive sci fi short. It’s the story of a boy, apparently named Ellis so i’ll use that, and his grandmother who live in a bizzare, hauntingly beautifuly stygian sinkhole that has floating rocks and debris. The two spend their day farming potatoes and grabbing whatever they can to hopefully make their way out. But it becomes clear to young Ellis after they find a plane his grandmother wants HIM to go alone and escape and is willing to sacrifice herself.. and ends up having to trick the boy into thinking sh’es going along in order to get him to do what he needs to surivive and thrive. It’s a truly gut wrenching story as even when she seems to have found a way for them both to leave.. it’s very clear she’s simply training him with all the welding tools and what not so he has skills to make it out there on his own in the unknown. So he can live without her.. but more importantly.. so he CAN LIVE. Away from the darkness, not having to scrape and to surivive and hopefully find something better out there. While the old parental figure sacrifciing thsmelves so the youngun can start hteir journey isn’t new.. it’s the unique, beautiful and haunting setting and the emotoin, conveyed only through the utterly beautiful animation that make this story feel fresh, along with it’s great metaphor. This short is just haunting, beauitful and really damn sad, and I only dont’ have all that much to say because it’s all in the visuals. The only thing I have left is like all of these really, watch it. But especailly this one.

Loop: Enough Said

This is part of the reason I didn’t like Float all that much. Loop is just.. way better at conveying the experinces of having auitism. While Renee is a more severe case than me I can relate to what kicks off the film: Renee, usually paired with an adult at the camp she at, is forcibley paired with a chatty boy named Marcus. While Marcus is eager to go home and has no idea how to interact with the two the two genuinely bond, with Marcus slowly getting into Renee’s world. The key scene for this and the one that clinches the film is Renee waving her hands over the reeeds in the water, throughly enjoying it with marcus not getting it.. till he tries himself. Director Erica Milsom, whose worked with autistic children and picked this medium entriely because i’ts perfect for a non verbal character and is one that can tackle heavy issues like this in a way to help people understan, really wanted to counter most depections of severe autisim, paticuarlly sensory issues. While we see the good in them instead of JUST her freaking out or being overwhelemed: how her sounds and the things she feels truly relax her and how she really DOES enjoy nature and is perfectly at home there. It’s just a beautiful way to show this disablility is not ALL bad, as many works tend to focus soley on the drawbacks. While I had my issues with Float part of it was it had too much good.. but Loop is superior at this simply because it shows both with unflinching honesty: The beauty of something that calms and relaxes your brain or a touch or sensation that just FEEELS really good, things that while again i’m not on the same level as Renee.. I can still fully relate to. But what puts it over float besides not having a messy metaphor is it DOES show the issues that come with it.. but does so WELL and with nuance. It shows how isolating autisim can be, especially for someone like Renee who can’t talk, how people are sometimes freaked out by you and don’t know how to interact with you and how adults can MEAN WELL, and the counsler setting them off was a good idea in the end... but can also be misguided and not fully know how to handle you without overwhelming you. It shows just how bad a panic attack can be, how you can just.. shut down and drive away. It was easily the sequence that hit the hartest and resonated the most as I’ve had those, and i’ve just shut down with no one able to reach me.. and it makes it all the more touching as Marcus eventually realizes how to handle things, and gives her space despite the setting son and the peril of being stranded.. because he realizes she needs it and offers to simply be there when she’s ready. It’s a touching, wonderful gesture, capped by him giving her a reed.. and the two heading home finally udnerstanding one another.This one is very close to wind in my heart and I think I found even more love for it writing this review and realizing just how much it hit me. And that ain’t bad.

Out: Be Proud of Who You Are.. with the help of a gay cosmic space cat

Speaking of hitting close to home and really resonating with me, we have Pixar’s first short with a gay main character, with his sexuality being the center of this. And as a bi person who had struggle accepting his sexuality let alone telling anyone, even when you know someoen will likely accept you.. this naturally hit hard. I took some time to realize I was bi, and when I did I was terrified of telling my mom, despite her being loving, supportive and just wonderful, same with my brother. Both fully accepted me as I figured and had no issue with it, esepcially sine my romantic history is nearly non existant anyways, but I related to our hero Greg’s fears of coming out to his parents despite them being utterly wonderful, well meaning people. It’s hard to come out, it’s hard to admit that about yourself, and it’s hard knowing you may not be accepted or things may change. I had an even harder time coming out to my dad, who I fully expected being a trump supporter and having said “if gay marriage is leagal I should be able to marry my cat”, to not support me and to loose him.. and was proud and suprised when nope, he was utterly supportive and happy for me.. if a bit awkward with the “be careful with sex” advice.. to someone whose had none and may never will due to being awkward as shit. But he meant well and the point is I really related to this, and it’s easily one of the best coming out stories of this kind, tied handily with Schitt’s Creek’s episode about Patrick coming out to his parents that dealt with the same theme. And naturally given the nature of these shorts it was a story close to Stephen Clay Hunter’s heart, as he group up a gay nerd in the 80′s a time when homophobia was even worse and representation was near non-existent. So when given the shot he wanted to make something for a young him, something they can look at and point to and tha’ts me. And the behind the scenes short for this one sold just how... big this felt for him. To draw two men in love and embrcing, to see guys mo capping that. To see someone LIKE him on screen. It shows just how important representation is and how dumb it is it took 20 goddamn years at pixar for them to get gay.

The short itsel is delightful as we open with a gay space cat and dog appearing in a rainbow. The Cat and Dog are watching Greg, a nice young man whose moving out of his small town with his boyfriend Manuel.. only to panic when his parents who he hasn’t come out to show up to help move and try and hide the one photo he has of them. And despite Manuel seeing it as a very easy thing to do to come out.. it’s not for Greg. He knows it’s hard and a scene of him practicing shows the poor guy breaking down at the thought of telling them despite getting every indicatio their nice people. It’s then the whole Space Cat thing comes in as the cat enchanted Greg’s dog’s collar, so when greg puts it on as a jest, it’s a body swap! So naturally we get tons of REALLY well animated shenanigans as Greg has to get his body back. Seriously the animation here is gorgeous with director Hunter choosing the painted on , impercet style to give it a storybook feel which fits the story perfectly.. seriously if Disney hasn’t made a story book of this do so.. and if they won’t someone on etsy do it because Etsy is apparently where the merch companies should be making happens.

The point is it’s fun, furious and leads to some great gags.. and then we get the emotional punch to the godnand as Greg bites his mom’s hand in order to prevent her finding a photo of him and his boyfriend. He instnatly regrets it, and breaking the photo in the process and goes to comfort her.. and we get easily the most emotinal, most beautiful part of it as Greg finds out his mom is hurt as she can clearly tell he’s keeping her at arms length and dosen’t want to loose him.. and she’s known all along he was gay.. just like the Schitts Creek example it’s clear she’s hurt a bit her son is scared to tell her but just wants him to be happy. So with a brilliant use of a squeaky toy greg switches back.. and comes out, with his dad warmly hugging miguel when he introduces himn and the space dog crying. Just a beautiful, charming, fun, and gorgeously animated short with some badly needed representation.

Also... one last note. This isn’t related to the short.. but Disney, who once again proves they can’t be progressive without stabbing themselves in the foot and no I will not stop giving out about this. This time’s especailly bad as while Out was heavily promoted.. the descripton DOSEN’T mention it having Pixar’s first gay lead and goes out of it’s way to hide Greg being gay despite the fact the short dosen’t and his being in the closet is the whole conflict of the short. And the not mnentiong the first gay lead thing is noticable because Loop DID rightly point out it was their first non verbal proganist. You can’t.. brag about being progressive about one thing and then try to hide your being progressive about another you idiots. Plus the “pleasing the bible belt” ship has sailed and left port. Ducktales is gay as hell with Penny being gay, even if Disney won’t let her just come out and say it, the crew still had her say it as much as they could, Violet’s dad’s being gay, Della being bi and Webby and Lena being as close to a couple you can get without disney screaming at them no. Andi Mack is fully avaliable on D+ as well.. well okay not fully because the dad turned out to be a pedophile, but still a series with a fully gay character is out there. And finally Owl House got TONS of press for having a bi progatanist and having her love intrest be a girl. Even if Dana Terrance had to FIGHT for that, and rightly so good on her, the point is you have queer characters already. The groups that hate you for that aren’t going to magically stop hating you because you hide the fact a short anyone can see from minute one is very , beautifully gay, I mean it starts with a very swishy space cat emerging from a rainbow atop a pink dog. COME ON. I only have a few words left for disney..

Okay whew, one more and we’re out of here.

Burrow: It’s Okay to Ask for Help and To Bang a Willing Salamander This was the first one I watched today. In hindsight had I properly researched the shorts and realized how heavy they were I probably would’ve saved this one for later to help balance out the deep feels of some of these. While Burrow is VERY VERY good, as all these shorts have been even Float, it’s subject matter is a lot lighter. I mean so far we’ve had stories about toxic masculinity, animal abuse, issues accepting your child is diffrent, sacrficing yourself so your loved one can have a better life, autisim and coming out of the closet. Even Smash and Grab which is light and breezy.. still has a disney death, and is still about a heroic rush to freedom from slavery whenyou think about it. This one.. is about an insecure bunny whose afraid to ask for help and ends up learning to get it while ending up plumiting through a bunch of comedic set pieces. It’s basically if Winnie the Pooh and Bugs Bunny had a baby comedy wise, it has the warm feeling of pooh art wise, a storybook quality tha’ts utterly adoring.. but director Madeline Sharafan specifccally wanted the animators to take after chuck jones, using lots of great expressions and reactions. It has a real classic theatrical screwball comedy vibe and given The Looney Tunes, Droopy, and Tom and Jerry mean the world to me and i’m glad nto reocnnect with 2/3 thanks to HBO Max.. I fucking loved it.

Burrow is still a personal story and is based on Sharifan’s experinces having trouble colaberating, wanting something to be fully baked before showing it off, something I agian relate to. She often hid from the others and refused to show her work until it was done while everyone else was happy to help. And as the previously used to slam disney hard with something they own Hickman Era of X-men has shown.. colaboration is just better and more freeing. By having friends and colleuge s to bounce off of you refine ideas, see how people react to them and grow a bit and that’s what the shorts about.

The plot is easily the simpliest of these: A young bunny wants to build her dream burrow but gets self concious when she runs into a friendly mole and rat living next door to where she wants to build and keeps digging to find both privacy and her own place.. and instead ends up digging into various shenangians and other burrows from frogs, to hedgehogs to most memorably some Salmanders taking a sauna.. and in the best and most ‘how the fuck did they get away with this bit of it”, one of the salamanders ends up .. gladly removing his town and being liike “You wanna do this? I mean I got an hour free” And i’m just saying while now wasn’t the time and the offer was a little awkward i’d go for it if I was her. I mean at least ask him out for coffee later. He seems nice enough if low on boundries. Then ride him until the morning light girl, ride it. She also finds the Demon Bear from New Mutants at one point.. so that’s where he retried to after danny kicked his ass again. Neat.

But eventually our heroione digs herself too deep and ends up hitting water before finding a

Who sees her crumpled plans and then does the stygian call of the badger to call all the other animals to help and after they escape the flood, the bunny finally realizes their good people and lets them see the plans. So we end on our heroine and her new friends and possible salamander lover helping her settle in as she finallyg ets the home she wanted, complete with disco. I mean every home should have a disco. If I didn’t have a ceeling fan i’d have a disco ball.. and I still want one just to set somewhere or hang away from the fan . Let me dream dammit. Overally a fun, hilarious, mad dash short with a good message and a good note to go out on.

Final Thoughts: Overall.. the Sparkshorts program is fucking spectacular, a great way to let some of Pixar’s staff get into the directors chair and really shine, and a way to tackle issues that they may not be able to get greenlit into a full film. Lushily animated, well produced, Pixar has announced MORE are coming and I cannot wait. Thank you kev for comissioning this, and thank you all for reading. If your new and liked this review, follow this blog as I talk disney all the time: when they come back i’ll be doing regular coverage of Amphibia, Ducktales and the Owl House as new episodes come out every week, and i’m currently doing a retropsective on the three cablleros kev also paid for, with the finale of it, an episode by episode look at the legend of the three cablleros, starting this week. I’m also covering LIfe and times of scrooge mcduck (though infrequently for a bit), and finishing up a look at darkwing duck’s just us justice ducks, started with looks at all the players involved and finshing next week with the episode itself. So if any of that sounds good to you, check out the archives, but goodbye, goodbye, goodbye for now.

#sparkshorts #pixar #disney #disney plus #disney+#purl #kitbull #out #wind #loop #burrow #LBGTQ+#lbgt #lbgtq #float #smash and grab #robots

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years

Text

HASO “Leading the Witness.”

Alright guys, this is going on longer than I thought and way more detailed as well but its been interesting. Also I am sorry for the late update, my boss has me rolling quarters at work so I am trying to do that and write this in between.

Thank you to my discord member Eddi for the testing logs he wrote and that I am using as evidence in this story. He deserves all the credit for the well thought out and executed test logs.

WARNING: Graphic depictions of blood, gore, bodily mutilation and mentions of suicide. The Steel eye project development is very graphic, so if you wish to read, please skip the test logs, which will be bolded.

The room spun around him, and he took a few long, deep breaths hoping that it would stop.

He wast sure he could survive another few hours of this.

He wasn’t sure at all

He was sweating, and his body throbbed all over. Clammy hands gripped the sides of his chair as he sat straight backed in his seat. A line of cold sweat dripped down the back of his neck. Blood had long since drained from his face, and he wondered if he looked as sick as he felt half expecting the bailiff to walk over with a bucket or something. A part of him fancied he could feel every eye in the room staring at him. The prosecution was still talking, but he could barely hear them as his head spun around and around in circles, ears ringing.

The lights pulsed.

He jerked out of it as a hand came to rest on his shoulder. He looked up, confused for a moment as he tried to figure out where he was, the room was partially tilted and it took him a moment to realise that he was slumped slightly to the side. Waffles had her head in his lap whimpering very softly.

“Adam, adam are you ok, do you need to step out.”

He lifted his head and turned to look at Admiral Kelly, who now sat beside him, a hand on his shoulder.

His ears were still ringing but not enough to realise that the court had stopped.

The lead judge had held up a hand to the prosecution and was looking directly at him.

Well… at least now the blood was rushing back to his head, and he could feel his ears burning, “Is everything alright, council?” The judge asked, “Does your witness need to step out.”

The lawyers turned to look at him, hints of both concern and concealed annoyance on their faces.

They looked at him expectantly.

He cleared his throat awkwardly, “No your honor. My apologies.”

His voice was surprisingly strong for someone who felt like he was about to pass out. The judge didn’t seem too annoyed at him, and looked on with some measure of concern. They whispered something to the nearby bailiff and then motioned the council to continue.

Admiral Kelly didn’t move seats keeping one hand on his shoulder. The bailiff walked over after things had started up again and sat next to them for a moment, “If you need to step out.” He whispered, “Take the side door to your right and someone will let you back in.”

He nodded, “Ill be alright, but…. Thank you.”

The man nodded and stood returning to the front of the room.

“As you can see, their first attempts at creating a proper drug cocktail to dull the pain of direct neural interface, was a complete disaster. Dr. Gladstone, assuming you were forced to use drugs instead of subdermal implants, how would you have gone about this? What is the proper procedure dictated by ethical state law.”

“Drug trials can take months to years, we test them on animals, rats monkeys and even inject them into synthetically grown human tissues and tube grown organs before we even test on animals. Each phase of testing can take up to eighteen months in clinical trials, and if the drug proves to be wrong we start over again.”

“Have you ever done phased drug testing on human subjects.”

“No, certainly not.”

“But of course they continued. May the prosecution present Experimental log 32 for For consideration by the court.”

Experimental log #32:

Over the past experiments we have been testing multiple drug mixtures to try and reduce the pain induced by the Direct neural interface our most recent tests have involved morphine much to our resident doctors discouragement it is one of the few drugs we have found capable of suppressing the pain induced by the direct neural interface. This test involves the use of an automatic dispenser controlled by the pain sensors in the arm.

The subject, as before has been sedated for the implantation of the test augmetic. This time however the drug reservoir has a direct link to the bloodstream.

-recording break-

The subject seems to be stable and moving around without much interference, although slightly lethargic and a little dopy due to the drugs.

We made sure to remove the augmetic well before the drug reservoir ran out. This seems to be successful and stable Several more tests are to be made to confirm this before moving on to the next stage.

“Dr, do you happen to know the laws in relation to the regulation and use of morphine during testing?”

The doctor nodded, “Morphine is heavily regulated even on the research level owing to its additive properties. Only doctors are allowed to prescribe it, and even then, the morphine dosages are regulated and reviewed by an internal board of directors. There is a cutoff point for the amount of morphine allowed for personal use,and the amount of morphine allowed for medical use. This cap can be broken if the board of directors determines the patient is terminal and in extreme pain.”

“How about for research purposes.”

“You can’t research with morphine, and you certainly cannot give it to a patient with no prior history of injury, or other medical conditions.”

“Thank you doctor, the prosecution wishes to present experimental log 34 to consideration.”

Experiential log #34:

Our continued experimentation has lead to the conclusion that stronger chemicals may be required to reduce the pain, one subjects auto-dispensary caused an overdose When the subject spent some time prodding and poking at the implant site it caused excruciating pain that was responded to by the auto dispensary by flooding the body with over 500milligrams of morphine. A stronger painkiller would mean lower doses are required thus avoiding an overdose. Despite our team's medical advisors continuing protests.

Prosecution turned to the judges, “You see here your honor that instead of considering the ethical questionability of their actions, they determined to use more morphine despite the overdose and even extend the use to even more potent drugs. These are not the actions of scientists who were considering ethics, or even the value of human life.”

“Objection your honor on conjecture about the thoughts of my client.”

The judge waved a hand, “It may pass.”

The defence took a seat.

The prosecution adjusted her tie, “Three people died as a result of these tests your honor. Marvin Dess, William Moseratt and Angela Vilgrin. Not once were the tests paused or delayed. Instead, they moved onto the next phase of testing.”

Adam was starting to feel a little better now. He wasn’t sweating so much and he had finally managed to even out his breathing.

“The prosecution would like to present experimental log 28.”

Experimental log #28

Calibration of the arm mounted augmetic seemed to proceed without error or difficulty, The drugs delivered through the internal reservoir developed by Dr. Nkosi renders the subject inured against the supposed pain induced by the augmetic. The primary tests we will be administering are of the use of high strength servo motors to power the augmeitc, reducing its weight and increasing the power behind the subjects rapid motions.

-Recording break-

The Reaction of the servo motors and torsion cables was far too extreme delivering significant damage and trauma to the subject, Further testing will have to be done and fine tuning of the suits will be needed.

Adam knew what was coming and tried to close his eyes and block out the sounds as the next visual log was projected before him.

Audio-visual log transcript:

The subject appears bleary and unresponsive. The augmentic is mounted on their right arm, supposedly their dominant one according to the research notes. The subject is drawn to attention by the scientist administering light taping on their cheek. Upon raising their arm the subject appears a little shocked at the size of the augmetic and the fact it is connected directly to an external power source, questioning the scientist on this who confirms it is just an experimental version. The augmetic appears to only be active on the elbow joint. The scientist appears to be requesting the subject extend his arm in an attempt to punch an invisible foe. Upon doing so the augmetic appears to cause an extreme reaction of force, resulting in not only damage to the subjects musculature, but outright stripping the subjects muscle tissues away from the bones, the pins seem to be functioning as anchor points as the subjects skin and muscles are removed from the skeletal structure. Functionally stripping the flesh away from the skeleton in a manner that can only be described as ‘glove like’. It appears that this area also contained the drug delivery interface as part way through the emergency removal of the upper section of the augmetic, the subject seemed to come out of the semi stupor and begin to register the damage done to themselves, screaming and becoming violent. It was only after the subject was re-drugged with the remaining contents of the drug reservoir that they calmed down.

His attempts to block out the sound do not stop him from hearing the hydraulic hiss, the tight whirr, and the horrific cracking popping noise as flesh is torn from bone. The screaming echoed around in his head. His heart was beating at a million miles an hour. Sweat poured down his back and neck and in between his shoulder blades. Flashes of red sky cut before his vision, the sound of gunfire and the smell of ash.

Admiral kelly squeezed his shoulder hard bringing him back. The dog was halfway in his lap her head pressed against him, and the Bailiff from earlier was on his other side steadying him as his body seemed prone to leaning to one side.

He took a few very deep breaths.

A few of the judges were watching him, but they didn’t stop the proceedings this time. Most of them just looked like they wanted an excuse to look away.

“Your honors, this is not the last log in the series. Even after the catastrophic failure, they continue to implant the steel ee pieces onto test subjects without prior testing in a controlled environment. I believe we have been making realistic ballistic dummies for the past thousand years. I am sure there is something that could have been done.”

Adam was fading.

The lights were growing up in his vision, turning everything around him white.

The defence stood, “THe defence calls for recess, your honors.”

There was a pause, “Recess granted. You have thirty minutes.”

The room burst into a flurry of murmurs and movement. Admiral Kelly leaned forward hands on his arms, “Adam, you should get up, walk around a bit.”

He nodded and stood feeling the world tip around him as he did. With one hand he gripped heavily onto the back of the pews and staggered forward out of the room. Waffles followed after him whining and whimpering. He waved admiral Kelly off him as he wobbled his way down the hall and burst through the outside door and into open air. He took a deep long breath and leaned against the wall trying to choke down the bile that welled into his throat.

“You alright here buddy.”

Blinking owlishly, he turned to the side to see a man leaning against the wall on the other side of the door.

“You don’t look so good, Cigarette?” He asked offering a pack of the things towards him.

Adam waved a hand, “I don’t smoke but, thanks anyway.”

The man shrugged and lit up puffing a billow of smoke into the air, “You know breathing exercises.”

Adam blinked and nodded, “Yeah.”

“Don't forget to do them. It will help.”

Adam rubbed a hand across his forehead breathing slowly.

“You seem to know a lot about this. Am i that easy to see through?”

The man shook his head “I was a soldier during the panasian war, I know what PTSD looks like.”

“My father fought in the Panasian war.”

The man nodded, “Better get back inside while you still have some color, boy.”

He did as told. He didn’t know the man but something about his calm demeanor and understanding was nice, and he stepped back inside patting waffles on the head as he walked back towards the courtroom.

He sat down before anyone else was there just yet and rested his head in his hands breathing slowly and evenly. The room slowly filled up again, and before he really knew it, things were back in session.

“The prosecution would like to present Experimental log 31”

He closed his eyes and began to count slowly breathing in and out, in and out.”

Experimental log #31

This test is the first among the replacement for servo motors for hydraulics The system was far slower and makes use of a combination of fast extension pistons and slower extension ones for combination. The test is the same as before a simple arm extension in the guise of a punch. However the augmetic will also include the shoulder. We have increased the dosage of the painkiller as so to prevent the increased implantation volume from inducing a negative reaction in the subject. -Recording break-

The reaction from the hydraulics was stronger than expected, and the delay and stack up of orders has caused significant issues. A halt override taken directly from the nerve system needs to be implemented.

He squeezed his eyes tight shut

Audio-visual log transcript:

The subject appears to be only semi responsive, appearing to function at a 12 on the GCS, Only held there by the active responsiveness of their motor function. This appears to fade somewhat when the subject is given physical stimuli by the scientist in the form of a light slap on the cheek. Bringing the subject back to consciousness. The subject is then encouraged to make the punching action as prior experiments. The subject does so, the fast reaction of the piston seems to achieve the scientist's goal, However the long extension piston appeared to continue extending. This continued, dragging the subjects arm outwards, dislocating the subjects shoulder, then elbow as well as wrist. The subject appeared to be distressed at this, however not unduly in pain. The scientist having stepped back to observe the outcome of events. The extension of the piston continued beyond tolerable human limits. The piston continues to extend despite the protests of the subject and attempts at removing it. The extension continued forcefully separating the subjects limbs at both the elbow and shoulder joint, ripping tendon and muscle as well as ligament structures, fully separating the limb in to two parts and away from the body. It is at this point the subject began to scream in terror and panic till the researcher sedated the subject.

A door opened at the back of the courtroom as a few more people stepped out. Adam sat there on the bench, his head tilted back and staring at the ceiling breathing even and slowly as light and color swirled around them. He could what speaking, but didn’t really hear what was being said.

He just had to keep himself together.

“....Log 35 to the court.”

Experimental log #35

Continued experimentation indicates that a combination of servo motors, torsion cables and hydraulics are likely to result in the desired effect. Since the previous experiments a stop override has been implemented in to the systems. This prevents the hydraulics from continuing to extend despite the users body having ceased movement. This should result in the desired movement structures. We are moving on from the single arm testing considering the current functionality and strength amplification satisfactory. The current test is simply to get the two lower limb implants to function in tandem with walking. We have had to once again increase the level of drugs in the users system to prevent the reaction to the pain induced by the interfacing devices.

-Recording break-

While the system is capable of walking, the addition of hydraulics have caused the system to be heavier and more cumbersome than intended. Additional servo motors and possible leaf springs for artificial support tendons will have to be added to prevent the augmetics from lagging behind their users.

“Objection your honor…. The court has seen enough….. This is simply…”

“Objection denied council. The evidence stands. If you must you may leave the room.”

“But members of the audience…”

“Can step out if they need to.”

Audio-visual Log transcript:

The subject once again appears to be somewhat unresponsive. This ceases when the scientist provides a physical interaction with the subject, tapping them on the shoulder. The subject appears to be somewhat disoriented. Upon being prompted to walk the subject beings to walk without much in the way of impediment, though seeming to tug at the augments as if they are holding the subject back. The subject is then prompted to move at a might higher speed. Running if possible. The subject manages this for two steps before the continued pulling against the augmetic and movement against the interface needles appears to pull the subject’s leg free, removing large sections of the subjects muscle tissues and nerves along with it. The subject seems to be disturbed, if not in pain. Likely due to the drug reservoir and input mounted on the subjects arm. The subject however seems to be announcing that they can no longer move their legs as the researcher requested. The subject is then sedated and recording ends.

Adam is being held up again by Admiral kelly his body tilting widely sideways and he is having trouble finding the orientation of the room.”

“.... experimental log 38 as a demonstration of the scientists moving development far too quickly.”

Experimental Log #38

Increased response time in the legs combined with the introduction of support springs within the armour have reduced that movement restrictions of the armour and made it much harder for the user to ‘pull away’ from the armor, this combined with several additional straps and metal binding to keep the users legs attached directly to the augmetics have solved several of the most recent problems. The newest set of experiments are moving on to vertical movement, focusing on the subjects ability to jump and move around obstacle strewn environments.

-Recording break-

It appears the engineers did not calibrate the hydraulics and other systems to function as shock absorbers, but rather only as force amplification devices. Meaning that impact shock is taken fully by the users body, This would normally not be an issue, however with the additional force and weight provided by the augmetic seems to cause issues upon landing.

Audio-visual Log transcript:

The subject is suffering the same symptoms as prior subjects, low levels of function and unresponsiveness. Once the subject is roused from the stupor via an open handed impact to the cheek, delivered by the researcher, they are directed to attempt an obstacle course. The subject seems to have little trouble with the primary obstacles, clearing them with little effort, however their recovery from each obstacle appears to be ungainly and improper. The subject is then presented with a three meter high wall and instructed to go over it. Rather than scaling it as expected the subject simply jumped over the wall, exhibiting far more mobility and control than prior subjects in experiments. However upon landing the subjects legs appear to buckle and collapse under them, folding at several points that do not have joints. Indicating shattering of the bones. The subject seems unphased by the injury, Pointing it out to the researcher and asking if that is normal. This indicates that the drugs being used are of a high enough dosage and strength to suppress not only extreme pain but the shock reaction of the body.

He can feel another person holding him up from the other side, but mutters that he is ok when anyone asks. E just keeps counting and breathing counting and breathing knowing that it has to be over soon. He just needs to hold himself together

Experimental log #42

The final tests regarding midriff functionality have been completed, with shockingly low failure or complications compared to prior testing phases, we are putting this down to our own excellent ongoing improvements of the system. This final text is a sequential system test where a single subject will be required to use each individual part in sequence to ensure that no errors are likely to occur during the whole body testing or further complications are likely to occur.

-break in recording-

The subject suffered no ill effects due to the armour itself. However the subject seemed to become agitated and seemed to be suffering ill effects until they were returned to the augmetics. So long as prolonged exposure to the augmetics is not an ongoing factor we do not see an issue with this.

“These testings had immense costs and horrific side effects to those who participated. Many of these men and women seen here are not functional or alive to testify in court as to what happened, however, the prosecution would like to call Admiral Vir to the stand as a representative of those who could not be here today, and s a member of the steel eye operation himself to ive the court a little idea about what this experiment did to people even when fully operational.”

Adam was still feeling light headed but even then he still knew what this was. This is what he was here for. Thi was the moment he had come to be a part of, the moment that he was here to help all those soldiers and test subjects used by steel eye.

Admiral Kelly stood with him as he made it to his feet, but he brushed off her hand and walked towards the witness stand. The judge stopped him on his way up.

“Are you well enough to testify Admiral?”

“This is why I came, your honor. Even if I had to crawl through a field of glass to get here.”

The courtroom murmured as he was sworn in, and he sat down feeling the eyes of the entire room on him.

He was still sweating and light headed.

“State your name for the record.”

“Adam Allen Vir.”

“And what is your position in the UNSC.”

“I am Fleet admiral of the UNSC space armada on loan to the GA.”

“And what branch?”

“Originally the air division. I trained at the Aerial combat academy as a fighter and shuttle pilot before being a member of the crew on the enterprise.”

“And how did you end up on Anin.”

“The Enterprise was being decommissioned for some wok, so I offered to go to Anin and be part of the war effort against the Drev.”

“And as a fighter pilot, you didn’t see much time on the ground.”

“No ma’am, I was primarily air support at that time.”

His voice was strong and hard, and the longer he talked the straighter he sat. he had to do this for them. He would NOT fall apart now.

“How did you end up on the ground forces then, Admiral.”

“Volcanic activity, ma’am, they call it the dark season when ash chokes the ai miles into the sky. It isn’t safe to land a ship or fly a jet in such conditions, so my vehicle was grounded. By that time the war was going badly and they needed every man they could get.”

“Were you trained for ground combat, Admiral.”

“Yes at the academy we were trained in ground combat though not as extensively.”

“And you lost your leg to a Drev.”

He reached down hand to his leg remembering the screaming of a red sky above, “Yes, I did.”

“What happened after that?”

“I ended up in a triage tent in out forward operating base. There was no medicine because all our supplies had been used up.”

“Would you say that you were delirious during that time.”

The defence stood quickly “Objection your honor. Leading the witness.”

“Dismissed, council.” The judge said, waving a hand.

“There were no painkillers, ma’am, so maybe. If not delirious than I was at least not in a right state of mind. I remember floating halfway in between being conscious and unconscious. I was in so much pain its…. Had to describe.” His voice wavered before he had it back on track shoring it up and strengthening it with memories of the men and women waiting back at the rehabilitation center.

“And at this time you were approached by Admiral Ablemen about the steel eye project?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“And did he detail any specifics.”

He paused thought for a moment trying to remember back into memories that he really didn’t want to foster, “Not…. really. It's hard to remember but I…. I remember him saying that we could help him win the war. I remember him saying that when I woke up I would be a new man. He gave us the choice to go home or serve the UNSC one last time.”

“In your opinion, would you have said yes had you been more conscious.”

“Objection based on conjecture your honor.”

“Objection accepted.”

Adam paused and the mn let him continue, “Wat DO you remember about what happened to you.”

“I…. remember pain and….. Anger. I was never really all there during the steel eye project. I remember feeling invincible, like I could do anything but at the same time, hazy. I remember getting orders and going out, and then nothing after that.”

“Did they tell you there would be rugs involved.”

“No ma’am.”

“And after the war was over, what happened. How did all of this affect you?”

He paused and struggled to speak for a moment, opening his mouth and then closing, “I…. have never been so hopeless in my entire life. I tried to get help with the Veterans association but my claim was denied. I…. went through withdrawals…. Horrible horrible drug withdrawals where I. I was in so much pain, I just….”He paused then lifted his head to look up at th courtroom making eye contact with them. His voice was as strong as ever “I wanted to die, and I would have done it if I hadn’t had a good support system in my family. After a few months my brother got me in contact with a group of people who got ahold of my service dog, and I was able to heal.”

“Does what happened still affect you”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“In what ways.”

“I still have long term PTSD, and while it is controlled and I am no longer on medication, I still have bad days. Days where I can’t move or think, days where the quietest nosies send me into a panic.”

“Were you ever compensated for your injuries, Admiral.”

He paused again and shook his head, “No ma’am, I never received help.”

“Thank you admiral, you may be seated.”

He stood, his head was clear and his hands were dry. He stepped down from the podium with his chin raised and his back straight returning to his seat. He had done it. He had done what he needed to do and the only thing that was lft was to survive the rest of the trail.

He could do that.

He survived operation steel eye didn’t he?

So he could certainly survive this.

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kyndaris · 3 years

Text

Who Else Will I Have Da-Chao Beans With?

With a brand-new PlayStation 5, lovingly dubbed Seto Kaiba, now in my grasp I was excited to try out Final Fantasy 7 Remake: Intergrade. In particular, the downloadable content (DLC) featuring everyone’s favourite materia hunter: Yuffie Kisaragi. Yes, you heard it right. I suffered through disappointment and numerous attempts of trying to put my name down on a PlayStation 5 waitlist just so that I could play a $30 add-on. I mean, it’s not the first time that I’ve willingly put down money to enjoy more of the story, but it’s a rare occurrence.

With that out of the way, please know that this impression of INTERmission will be filled with spoilers. I know this post won’t go up until August but considering how hard it is to still get consoles, well…you’ve been warned.

In contrast to Cloud’s stoic and no-nonsense attitude, Yuffie is a breath of fresh air. Right from the gates, her narration in a bid to impress the members of Avalanche that aren’t even present is a joy and delight. True, she’s younger than our main character, but she has seen a lot of things. The conflict between Wutai and Shinra back in the good old days of Crisis Core are very much part of the lore in the expanded Final Fantasy 7 universe.

In fact, our favourite puppy of the series, Zack Fair, also got to meet the rising ninja star of Wutai during the conflict.

But I’m getting off-topic. Back to INTERmission.

After traversing the wastelands around Sector 7, Yuffie finally reaches the slums before the plate has fallen. Once she has arrived, she meets up with the members of AVALANCHE. Except, of course, they’re not the ones that we know and love. Enter Zhijie, Nayo, Polk and Billy Bob.

As for Jessie, Biggs and Wedge? All three were located around the slums. Jessie was seated in front of Seventh Heaven (which Yuffie could not enter), Wedge enjoyed the company of many cats and Biggs was idling by not too far from the others. All of them were interactable but their dialogue essentially boiled down to: stop bothering me. I did like, however, being able to play the board game: Fort Condor with at least two of them. AND UTTERLY DESTROYED THEM WHILE I WAS AT IT.

Chadley too, made an appearance – this time offering a battle with Ramuh and also being the GRANDMASTER of the Fort Condor board games.

By the by, the Fort Condor minigame is probably quite reminiscent of the auto-battles that have gained popularity. Three towers to be defended, summonable units…

I’ve never played any of the auto-battles but it does seem fun. For a short while at least. And as a minigame within a game.

Once I had explored the slums to my heart’s content, it was back to the story missions. Enter Sonon. As soon as he appeared, I knew that things would not end well. After all, Yuffie did not have a companion when you met her as an optional side character. And in every other iteration: from Advent Children to Dirge of Cerberus, he was never present.

But though I knew his time would be limited, he brought excellent banter to the adventure and served as an excellent support to Yuffie. Even if the brother-sister connection was a little ham-fisted with Yuffie reminding the warrior of his own sister: Melphi. Still, despite the way the developers bungled the immediate connection, I didn’t mind. Yuffie, after all, was on a mission to nab the greatest and ultimate materia right from under Shinra’s nose.

It is important to know that while not much changes in the way of combat, Yuffie does play quite a bit different from the other main characters. In fact, she can fight both close-up and at range with her ninjutsu arts. Another change to the formula is that you cannot change to Sonon. Only Yuffie can be controlled – though you can give commands to Sonon and have him perform abilities and spells.

Then, of course, there’s also the synergy aspect wherein Sonon and Yuffie would combine their attacks to deal additional damage. It was fun experimenting with the system and showed how versatile the combat system could be.

Once they enjoyed a trip chasing Zhijie to obtain High-D cards that would allow them to slip into Shinra Headquarters, it was back to the slums to see Tifa and Barret return without SOLDIER-boy Cloud Strife. What I loved about this moment was that we also got to see a private conversation between Tifa and Barret that did not feature in the first game or in the Remake run. Seeing the aftermath of Cloud falling down into the slums below and how it had impacted both Tifa and Barret was a great character moment. And it also helped serve to explain the reason why Tifa ended up in Wall Market in the first place.

With that moment out of the way, our heroes Yuffie and Sonon head to Shinra headquarters. As they slip into the elevator, they are joined by Scarlet: Head of Weapons Development. From there, the game becomes a gauntlet of battles. It’s not the most thrilling chapter to experience but it does showcase how well the Wutaians fight and the innate teamwork between Yuffie and Sonon.

This new piece of downloadable content, however, is not satisfied to simply end matters here, however. When Scarlet is defeated (and even in defeat she’s assessing how best to finetune her machines of war), she activates DEEPGROUND. For the first time in a long while, I got to see Weiss the Immaculate and Nero the Sable.

While I may not have played Dirge of Cerberus, I did watch ALL the walkthroughs that I could find on YouTube back in my younger years. I watched Vincent Valentine grapple with his past and finally learn to control the power within.

That aside, the new threat that Nero presented was a challenge. With his arms strapped to his chest in a straitjacket, he reminded me of Anima Aeon from Final Fantasy X. But it was his darkness powerset that gave me all the Kingdom Hearts vibes. If I have to hear ‘Darkness’ again in anything, I think I might have to scream.

Beyond these few nitpick moments, I felt that Sonon’s death was a little overdone. Particularly for a character that had only been fighting beside us for only a few short moments. Don’t get me wrong, the developers tried their best to sell it: the swell in the orchestra, the use of copious flashbacks…

Still, the pain expressed by Yuffie (which was then followed by the Sector 7 plate falling) was enough to sell a bit of the horror.

My only question though is: WHAT IS NERO GOING TO DO WITH SONON’S BODY?

From there, the credits rolled and we caught a glimpse of Yuffie out in the wilds, on a chocobo and humming. As a side note, does everyone know the chocobo theme song? Is it a piece of canonical music within the game universe that is associated with chocobos? Like, is it used in advertisement for chocobos? I NEED TO KNOW!

We also get to see Barret, Tifa, Aerith and Cloud traipsing along on the road to Kalm. Better than that, we see Zack in his alternate dimension reaching the church in the Sector 5 slums, debating how best to reintroduce himself to his fair flower lady. Where is his version of Cloud in all this? Why are there so many people in the church? How does this whole dimension/ alternate timeline thing work?

Once again, the Final Fantasy 7 Remake left me with more questions than answers. Though I never played the original, over the years, I had scoured the wiki sites to learn as much as I could. And though I knew the plot beats, the creative directors and script writer have kept things close to the vest – tantalising me with the prospect of what is to come.

I still need a slap fight between Scarlet and Tifa, okay! It had better be in there!

#yuffie kisaragi #final fantasy 7 Remake #Intermission #who else will i have ice cream with?#sonon is xion #final fantasy vii

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reachgirl · 4 years

Text

My thoughts on “Buddie”

1. I think if Fox could realize that sometimes you can’t *plan* for chemistry, it just happens, and when it does it’s magic and you need to let it play out, they would be so far ahead of the curve of other shows and fans beyond their core audience would take notice. The material IS there to defend it actually happening against claims that they just bowed down to the shippers.

2. On the one hand, I believe that the writers are very deliberately writing a lot of subtext and the directors are leaving in scenes where the actors are making certain choices, both Ryan/Oliver and Peter/Kenneth/Aisha/JLH. But is it just as a “shout out” to the Buddie shippers, or an actual deliberate effort to make a point of how close they are and how dependent they’ve become on their relationship?

3. I’ve talked before how I think deciding on your character’s sexuality before you actually write them out for a while just doesn’t make for believable humanity based on reality. If we’re looking at these two examples,

Buck has been written in a way that could very well make him bi/pan and not everybody who is and is secure in their identity will go and talk about it constantly. I would also like to remind everyone that bi does not mean you have to stick to a certain quota, like keep your relationships 50/50 male/female. There are many people who are bi who tend to end up in more relationships/even just sexual ones with one gender, and that doesn’t make them less bi or pan. So just because we have only seen him have female love interests during the show, there are some scenes (”Your man crush on Eddie”/”I’m not setting you up with my brother/Hey Now”) that could be interpreted to mean that might not always have been the case, Maddie being the one who would have been there to witness it. We also see Buck not really caring about the social conventions - not only of who he dates - he is consistently written as meeting every person he meets on eye level - even making sure the guy who stole his identity to catfish women wouldn’t lose his dignity in death, but also romantically, we can see him building a connection with Abby through the phone first and falling in love with her as a person, and not caring about her being quite a lot older.

Eddie, and I’ve written about this before, is a little bit of an enigma. Again, we have only seen him in one relationship, and while it doesn’t seem like it was the happiest of marriages, in the end it really did seem like he loved Shannon and wanted to make it work. Up until Ms. Florez we have also seen him almost making a point of not looking to date (”They’re not my type”/”You didn’t set me up, did you?”), and that is pretty much all we know about him. Again, the fact that he was married to a woman and once flirted with one briefly, does not prove or disprove anything. He grew up in Texas, in latino culture, and spent a good amount of his formative years in the US Army, all of these can traditionally be quite conservative. From personal experience even I have seen many people who grew up in conservative environments fall in line with the expectations set for them by their communities (often very early, and Eddie and Shannon did get married quite young), especially if their community doesn’t provide a lot of LGBTQ-visibility or role models. Yes, Eddie does “act” straight, whatever that means and whether that is an actual concept, but the way he behaves in a lot of scenes with Buck, and I’ll get back to this in point 8., could be interpreted in other ways.

4. TV today has gotten a lot better at showing LGBTQ relationships that aren’t a) just on the sidelines b) serving as collateral emotional damage to drive the plot or c) are written in a way that is basically just taking a hetero-couple-storyline and casting two people of the same gender in it. I am worried that they think they can’t do the “coming out later in life” storyline again with Buddie because they already have Michael (which brings me back to point 1. Let the damn magic happen when it’s right in front of your eyes), and they can’t have another main cast LGBTQ character - or two - because they already have Hen (and Karen). Obviously these are not valid reasons, look at other shows like 911 Lone star for representation within the main cast, but of course, this is a double edged sword because there is a concern that they gave us 911 Lone Star to do what they wouldn’t or couldn’t do with the original. (On a side note, Owen Strand is the fairy godfather of Texas and I live for that show)

5. Parallels. This has been talked about a lot, and there are much better posts about it than this one. But writers aren’t stupid, or careless, so I do believe that to a certain extent they’re aware of how they are setting up parallels between Buck and Eddie’s love lives. We have them agreeing to “have each other’s backs” in contrast to Shannon telling Eddie that he never had hers. We have Eddie telling Buck that there is no one he trusts more with Christopher than him, while he makes it clear that while he thinks he can forgive Shannon, he doesn’t think he can trust her. We had Shannon coming back just as Buck decides to leave Abby behind finally, and we had Ali showing up when Shannon dies, and now Ana when the writers point out how single Buck is.

6. Themes. The episode themes in 9-1-1 are kinda like horoscopes, they’re meant to be able to work for multiple storylines and connect all the main characters through one focus. But we’ve seen a lot of themes surrounding family or trust or love that have an obvious connection to a Buddie moment on the show. Chosen Family. Home. Being able to trust your partner. Seizing the day. And even when it’s something that doesn’t immediately connect the two, the scenes are cut in a way that imply there’s a connection, like Eddie telling Chim to tell Maddie he loves her, because tomorrow isn’t promised. Chim calls Maddie to invite her to dinner to finally do this, and right before this we see Eddie asking Buck to lunch - this is probably just a coincidence, right? But we can be sure that the director, writers and cutters were aware of this, and made the choice to do it this way, for whatever reason. Because this is their exact job, telling stories through how they cut scenes together. 7. Christopher. So this might be what makes Buddie a little more unique compared to the, admittedly, dozens of other seemingly “straight bromances” that people have shipped. Most scenes we get with Buck and Eddie that are outside of work, involve Chris in some way. It’s probably safe to say that part of the reason they became so close is because Buck and Chris have a connection that I would wager goes beyond what most friends have with their single-dad-friend’s kid. We see how important Buck becomes in Christopher’s life, and vice versa, pretty much a few episodes after they meet for the first time. Eddie trusts Buck with Chris’ life, and he trusts him with any problems relating to Christopher that he needs to work through. Buck’s his sounding board for his role as a parent, which is interesting considering Eddie has other friends at the 118 that actually are parents? *cough* Chosen family *cough*

8. Closeness. As I said above, sometimes writers plan one storyline, but the magic happens somewhere they didn’t expect, and if that is the case, and you want to be faithful to your characters, you should seize that opportunity. I think we can all agree this is one of those cases where the chemistry is just off the charts. There are long looks, there is a lot of being in sync, there’s constant physical contact when they’re sitting or walking next to each other. Personal space, who? Again, this is something the director could discourage, or use a take that didn’t have Buck grab his belt buckle and invading Eddie’s personal space in his own kitchen, but they decided on this take. They decided on the take of Eddie clearly checking out Buck’s behind and Chim noticing. Now Buck seems to be pretty comfortable with closeness anyway, but Eddie isn’t the most touchy guy with anyone else, so this is noticeable. And it works.

9. Look. Somebody sat down and wrote “You want to go for the title?” and I would pay a lot of money to see the stage directions on that script because holy fuck. There’s a lot of info in their exchanges - and it implies that there are lots of moments that these two talk that we don’t get to see - Buck immediately knows about Eddie and Ana, and he knew about the situation with Shannon too (and didn’t hide his jealousy very well). When they don’t talk, it clearly gets to Eddie, who doesn’t have that many other people he really trusts and can open up to. Cue “husbands fighting in the supermarket”. But what’s also interesting to me is that their dynamic involves a lot of Eddie teasing Buck. “Exoskeleton” “Aren’t you still in that phase?” “You would have talked me into buying a more expensive one”.. and Eddie sometimes uses it to keep their conversations from getting into dangerous, emotional territory, like during the kitchen scene. And I don’t know about y’all, but that sounds like something I’ve done before when I knew there was something to get into, and I just didn’t know how or when.

_______________________________________

Wow I could keep going but this is already so long. I’m so sorry everyone. But I figured we all now have two weeks so we have time to do a lot of reading 😅Thanks everybody for reminding me about the things that do make it seem like Buddie is an actual possibility, because most of the time, I have to admit, I’m like 70/30 against the hope of it becoming reality. Long live fanfiction! In conclusion, please make it happen, or explain all the choices you have made. YOU CAN’T!

#buddie #911 #911 season 3 #911 on fox #please make it happen

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thexfridax · 4 years

Photo

Translated interview with Director Sciamma

‘We started a culture war‘

Andreas Busche and Nadine Lange, in: Der Tagesspiegel, 29th of October 2019

Additions or clarifications for translating purposes are denoted as [T: …]

Manifest on the female gaze: Céline Sciamma speaks about her period film ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’, MeToo in France and queer visibility.

In France, Céline Sciamma, born in 1978, is already revered as the new feminist and notably queer voice of French cinema, in the tradition of Claire Denis and Catherine Breillat. The director (‘Tomboy’, ‘Girlhood’), who writes her own screenplays, is largely unknown in [T: Germany]. This is most likely about to change with her fourth and most beautiful feature film so far. At the Cannes Film Festival, the period love story between the young painter Marianne and her model Héloïse, daughter of French aristocrats, won the Best Screenplay. Between the rugged landscape of the coast of Brittany and the candlelit interiors of an old villa, the film creates a utopia of solidarity and female desire, in which the characters of Marianne, Héloïse and Sophie the maid overcome class barriers.

Interviewers: Ms Sciamma, ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ is your first period film, it takes place a few years before the French Revolution. Why is this era important for your story?

Céline Sciamma: My interest in those years came from art history. At the time, there was an unusual number of female painters, hundreds in France and across Europe. It really moved me to discover the biographies of these women, who had successful careers. They supported each other and were very political. There was for example feminist art criticism at the time.

I: Noémie Merlant plays the painter Marianne, who is commissioned to do a portrait of Héloïse, a daughter of aristocrats. There are two main themes: the representation of female painters in bourgeois society and the female gaze – and how this [T: gaze] is reflected in the art world at the time. How are these themes connected?

CS: When I went into more detail about the work of female painters in the late 18th century, I realised how much the female perspective is missing from art history. For me this is the most painful loss, which results from the elimination of the female gaze: this relates to the artwork themselves, but also to what art brings to our lives, the memory of a kind of intimacy.

I: Marianne is not based on a specific female painter. But is she representative of women at the time?

CS: I collaborated with an art sociologist, who did extensive research on this era. All biographical details for Marianne correspond to the time in which she lived. The dynamics of a biopic – a successful woman who defies societal norms – never really interested me. My film is a manifest on the female gaze. But there’s also melancholy in this process, because we have to restore something that has been ignored for a long time.

I: Why melancholy?

CS: It makes me sad, because this perspective was withheld from me all my life. That is why the scene, where Marianne, Héloïse and Sophie the maid re-enact an abortion, is so important for the film. By painting an abortion, the act becomes art and is therefore represented. Art gives women the opportunity to tell their own stories. But it’s not only about the past. The topic of abortion is still virtually invisible in cinema.

I: How do you deal with this lack of female perspectives as a screenwriter and director?

CS: I was aware about the lack of queer and lesbian representation in cinema early on. But it becomes dangerous, when we don’t realise anymore that something is withheld from us. I noticed this again, when I watched ‘Wonder Woman’ by Patty Jenkins. It is hard to express how you feel when you know you’re not represented, and at the same time are oblivious to the power it can give you to recognise yourself in cinema. That was a new experience for me.

I: You were one of the initiators of the 50/50 by 2020 movement, which is committed to gender parity at festivals and in film. What do you expect from Cannes next year?

CS: I’m glad that this topic is finally taken seriously. We set out our target for Cannes and want more transparency in the selection committee. However, to achieve these, you have to introduce quota. The board will be replaced [T: next] year, let’s see how it works. We started a culture war. One of the most important things for me is the work on inclusion. The 50/50 [T: movement] and the film production/promotion agency CNC created a fund for cultural diversity in [T: film] productions last year. There’s usually less budget for films made by female directors, this inequality will be slightly mitigated. More than 20 films have already benefitted from this fund.

I: There is progress on one hand, but on the other hand some things are deteriorating again. Do you see it in a similar way?

CS: We had no MeToo-debate in France, unlike the one in the US. The [T: debate] was quickly hijacked and reinterpreted as discussion about free speech: that feminist film criticism would lead to a new form of censorship. You could feel the backlash in France. A good example: Sandra Muller, who created the French MeToo movement ‘Balance ton Porc’ [T: ‘Denounce your pig’, see here for the evolution of the term ‘pig’ in this context] just lost a libel lawsuit. Action was filed by the man, whose harassing statements she made public. The level of societal discourse is not where it’s supposed to be.

I: You lead by example: There are mainly women working on your sets.

CS: It creates a different atmosphere, that is for sure. But I’ll tell you something: Women only make up 50% of the crew, my crew is probably one of the most diverse in France. Claire Mathon is my cinematographer, but a lot of men work with her. My cutter is a man though. It’s about the right balance. The film world is very much dominated by men, but I don’t want to exclude anyone.

I: In Cannes, you said something similar about your colleague Abdellatif Kechiche, who was criticised for his voyeuristic gaze on women, for example in the Palm d’Or winner ‘Blue is the Warmest Colour’. Do you want a cinema, in which your and his gaze can exist side by side?

CS: We have to be conscious about our perspective. In France, I’m always asked about my female gaze, but no one is ever asking a [T: male] filmmaker about his male gaze. Which is still considered as gender neutral. Of course, you can love ‘Blue is the Warmest Colour’ as much as you love ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ [T: 😈], otherwise cinema will become a battlefield of ideologies. We just have to learn to read the images correctly. I would like to invite Abdellatif Kechiche to this relatively new discourse. But he should be asked the same questions as me.

I: You call ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ a manifest on the female gaze. What does that mean?

CS: It starts with the screenplay. I wanted to tell a love story on equal terms. There is no gender-specific power imbalance in the film. That was important for me, especially in a time, in which gender inequality was the social norm. There is also no intellectual dominance between Marianne and Héloïse, they both come from the upper class, are sophisticated and self-determined. Between them, they did not have to negotiate a status.

I: What role did your actresses play in this?

CS: I wrote the film for Adèle Haenel. But it only works if she has a partner who is equal to her. Noémie Merlant is about the same age as Adèle, they are even the same height, which cannot be underestimated in cinema. That’s why shorter actors often have to stand on a pedestal. All these considerations are political, but they are also an offer to the audience: for new emotions, for surprises. Equality creates freedom, because social rules are overturned.

I: As Marianne, Héloïse and Sophie keep to themselves, they are not exposed to the male gaze. They can move freely.

CS: That’s why I don’t think of my film as social utopia. Every utopia is based on our experiences and ideas. You cannot easily find this kind of solidarity among women, you have to create this freedom. That’s why I decided to exclude male characters. What I exclude from the shot also defines what is shown in the picture. That’s the power of cinema.

I: Your film is about the visibility of women. They tell each other, how they see one another – and thus create an image of themselves. At the same time, desire arises from their gazes. How do you create this feeling of intimacy?

CS: We offer a philosophy and politics of love. Even the depiction of queer sexuality in cinema is based on heterosexual paradigms. We first had to learn how to deconstruct this gaze on us. Similarly, it’s also about abolishing the outdated ideal of the muse. There is of course a hierarchy on set, but we tried to transfer the working relationships in the film to our shooting.

I: All your films have queer aspects. Do you ever had any problems to fund your films?

CS: No, but that’s because I don’t need so much money. ‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ did cost 4 Million Euros. If I had asked for 12 Million Euros, it might have been different. I can’t complain. I live in a country, in which I can make these kinds of films and be radical. 23 percent of French films are made by female directors.

I: It seems like there were more [T: female directors] recently?

CS: No, the figure has been constant for 20 years. We are just forgotten and then ‘rediscovered’. Think about Alice Guy-Blanché, who made films at the time of Méliès [T: around the turn of last century]. She did everything by herself, used the first closeup. She literally co-invented the cinema. But like all the women, who were active at the beginning of film history, they were driven out, when it was suddenly about money.

Still from ‘Be natural: The Untold Story of Alice Guy-Blaché’ (Pamela B. Green, 2018)

#Céline Sciamma #Der Tagesspiegel #2019 #Portrait of a Lady on Fire #German interview #Manifest on the FEMALE GAZE #Nope on Blue is the Warmest Colour #Alice Guy-Blaché #Cinema #My translation #long post

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shihalyfie · 4 years

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Shihanne’s Kizuna FAQ

Since Kizuna is finally becoming gradually more accessible to English-speakers online, I’ve decided to put together a quick FAQ for those who are not sure about watching the movie or are (understandably) apprehensive about anything about it, especially due to recent events in the franchise and occasional fanbase misinformation. This is not meant to convince anyone towards or against watching the movie as much as it’s just meant to clarify some questions for anyone who might be unsure about watching it, such as how relevant it is to tri. or how canon-compliant it is, etc.

This is meant to be as spoiler-free as possible, although due to the nature of the movie’s contents, I will ultimately have to make minor hints or references to minor plot details. I’ve done my best to keep it to a minimum, but the references to what happens in the story increase progressively as we go further into the post, so feel free to stop reading as soon as you like.

Is Kizuna a sequel to tri.? Are they related?

They are not related. Other than Kizuna being set five years after 2005, there is no relation, not on a story or creative level at all -- the themes, writing style, everything is different. Even the staff is different -- of the tri. staff, the only ones carried over are the voice cast, Producer Kinoshita Yousuke (who was only on Parts 5 and 6, at that, and had no involvement in tri.’s story at all), and some music staff members (AiM, Miyazaki Ayumi) that were also on the original series. Everyone else is either from the original series (original series producer Seki Hiromi, writer Yamatoya Akatsuki) or new staff that self-identifies as Digimon fans.

Notably, Producer Seki was pretty unsubtle about finding certain things about tri. to be unsatisfying, to the point that she openly admitted that certain things in Kizuna were made in direct response to it, so that probably lends a lot to why the creative process behind Kizuna was so diametrically opposite.

What do you need to have seen so far to understand the movie? Do you need to have seen tri.?

You do not have to have seen tri.; it’s effectively irrelevant to Kizuna whatsoever in both theme and story.

I generally recommend having seen Adventure, 02, and their four movies (Digimon Adventure, Our War Game!, Hurricane Touchdown, and Diablomon Strikes Back). Even then, if you’re missing some stuff, the story doesn’t rely on their events so much that it’ll confuse you if you haven’t seen it, and in fact it’s mostly its own story; it’s just that the emotional resonance hits best when you’ve seen what’s happened in the prior works, and its core themes have a lot to do with what was established in Adventure, 02, and its worldbuilding.

Surprisingly, despite being Adventure-centric, I’d say it actually has deeper relevance to the events and themes of 02 than it does Adventure, although that’s just my personal impression. (That’s still “deeper“, in the comparative sense; it most certainly has strong ties to both, and part of it being more 02-relevant is also simply due to the logical nature of it being set in this point in timeline, where 02 is a closer temporal reference point and also has an epilogue that this movie is building up to.)

Are the characterizations consistent with Adventure and 02?

Yes! Very much so! There are a few differences, but they’re all things you can chalk up to how someone would naturally get older and more mature, and even if you personally don’t care for certain developments, they’re still logical extensions of what they might be like as per their character arcs. For the record, making sure the characters felt like themselves seems to have been a pretty big priority for the staff:

Before the preliminary meeting for the script, [Producer Seki] told us, “I haven’t finished reading it, so I’ll be there later,” and then she arrived sometime after the meeting had already started, and said things like, “no, Taichi feels wrong here. He wouldn’t say something like this.”

Producer Seki was personally involved in the creation of all twelve kids and their partners, so it’s safe to say she is probably one of the people you can reliably trust most to understand them. (During the production of the original series, she was also well-known for being the one who pushed for portrayal of their personal home lives and family backgrounds.)

The 02 quartet (Daisuke, Ken, Miyako, and Iori) is portrayed in line with their Japanese version characterizations, so if you watched 02 with the American English dub (which at times took some pretty massive liberties with some of them), there may be some differences.

How much of the cast gets to play a major role in it?

I’ll be frank about the fact that this is mainly a Taichi and Yamato movie (to be fair, it’s not like they hid this fact in advertising). That said, a surprising amount of attention is given to the 02 quartet, and there’s a bit of attention on Koushirou, but the protagonists are most certainly Taichi and Yamato. Mind you, this is in terms of story, not, say, making everyone randomly weak in battle for no good reason; Taichi and Yamato are the “protagonists” of this movie (similar to Our War Game!).

Sora also gets a bit of focus in the short side story “To Sora”, and there’s also a planned upcoming one with Jou (public release details are still unclear, but most certainly expected by the Memorial Story project in December). The accompanying drama CD that came with the deluxe version of the Blu-ray is also centered around the 02 main cast.

What’s with the whole thing about a novel?

There were two official novelizations of the movie, the Dash X Bunko version and the Shueisha Mirai Bunko version. I recommend them as reading for anyone who’s watched the movie; the Dash X has some extra scenes that weren’t in the movie and clarifies a few things, while the Shueisha Mirai clarifies some of the core themes and background points that were a little more obscure in the movie itself.

However, since the movie is first and foremost a visual medium, I do not think that either serve as effective replacements for the movie itself, nor, conversely, that the movie itself is particularly incomplete without them, but rather that, since there are a lot of intricate nuances behind the themes of the movie, they may benefit from some extra clarification. The novels by themselves omit a lot of visual details that enhance the presentation of the movie and make its intended themes much clearer, and since this is a movie that relies more on emotional resonance and feelings moreso than it does events on paper, I don’t think the novels alone constitute an accurate reflection of it.

What was that whole thing about the movie not being compliant with Kakudou lore? Is the 02 epilogue still canon?

The issue most likely has to do with the movie’s premise about partners disappearing when you become an adult. Director Kakudou (original director of Adventure and 02) clarified himself that the “lore inconsistency” had to do with underlying lore that wasn’t depicted directly in the TV series, so it’s not something major like the epilogue (which definitely was depicted on-screen).

His relevant posting is to do with the theory of Digimon being manifested as part of the soul, so my personal guess is that he wasn’t quite on board with the slightly different take the movie had on such a detailed and absolute matter. (He did, however, gracefully invite people to enjoy the movie regardless, so take that as you will.)

Another thing that he mentioned in his detailed posting is that he felt that it would be impossible to reconcile the lore for the TV series and the occasionally contradictory lore from movies 2-4 (Our War Game! through DSB), to the point the original plan for the third Adventure series was shelved partially due to that. Without saying too much, Kizuna does (latently, but nevertheless) involve references to the movies in question, so that probably also contributed to the issue.

For the most part, though, the movie itself doesn’t actually violate that much of the underlying lore for Adventure and 02; it’s compliant with even the background details of his concept (the Chosen Children number tallying over 30,000 by the time of 2010 is consistent with the doubling-every-year principle), and, without spoiling too much, there’s multiple indications in the movie of that whole thing about “partners disappearing when you become an adult” actually being more of a deceptive premise than press made it seem.

As for the epilogue...official press and staff have practically whacked you over the head with a statement that the 02 epilogue still holds and that this movie leads up to it. (Need proof? Here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and about half a million other places in press and press releases; warning that these links are spoilery.) The last one has a pretty clear statement, too:

This is not a movie meant to change the world’s timeline, but rather made to be a connecting story that happened within those 25 years, and we consider it to be a story that expands the world of Digimon.

Producer Seki herself was infamously the one who put her foot down when people asked her about epilogue-related questions in V-Jump, so we’re talking about staff with a history of having no intention of going against the epilogue. This is also consistent with the fact the movie itself constantly drops epilogue and latter-half 02 references (the increasing number of Chosen Children, the kids’ career paths being clear lead-ups to the events of the epilogue).

For all it’s worth, it’s important to remember that the concept of the epilogue ever potentially being retconned has always been purely fanbase invention (and especially Western fanbase, at that). At no point has official staff ever made an indication that they had any intent to go against it (even the tri. staff, of all people, made a huge point of claiming they would still be going with it). Kizuna is not a movie that really holds your hand nor caters to what the fanbase wants, so the best way to enjoy and understand it is going in with the understanding that the epilogue applies by default, rather than considering it to have been written with any possibility of it not applying.

In addition, the actual core theme of the movie itself is very dependent on the assumption that the epilogue holds in mind (which really should be the case, considering that the epilogue was literally right there on screen, no matter how controversial it may have been), and having that assumption allows for a much better understanding of said themes.

Are Takeru and Hikari still involved with the 02 kids?

The events of the movie engineer a situation where the other four end up working as a quartet, but not in a sense where they’ve split or become distant from Takeru and Hikari (rather the contrary, in fact). The circumstances alone go a lot towards explaining why they’re working separately at the time (much like Diablomon Strikes Back), and the drama CD included with the special edition of the Blu-ray confirms that the situation in the movie is purely due to its individual circumstances, and in all other scenarios, they’re still regularly in contact and very close with each other. It’s not played in a way that feels contrary to their known relationship, and, without going into too much detail, there are certain depictions within the movie that reflect them as being part of a “younger group set” with the other four.

Beyond that, a large amount of promotional material classifies Takeru and Hikari as being with the 02 group instead of the Adventure one (for instance, this piece of Ani On Station art).

Is there romance or clear romance baiting in the movie?

No. The movie also happens to be extremely fast-paced (it tries to get a lot of major content out of the way in only 95 minutes, and does not let up even once), so it’s executed in a way in which it’s completely understandable that the topic or depiction would not even be brought up front-and-center, and it comes off as pretty natural in that respect. Quite simply, it feels that even if any of the characters are romantically involved or dating, they’re more than capable of putting the issue aside for the 95 minutes of bigger priorities this movie spans.

For those who are interested in this topic in terms of epilogue compliance (i.e. the two canon confirmed married couples Yamato/Sora and Ken/Miyako), the depictions of the respective characters’ relationships are done in a tasteful way such that, even in the lack of clear depictions of romance, there is minor evidence that the epilogue outcome was on the staff’s minds when writing them, and there’s no awkwardness about it. Or, in other words, where they are now seems completely feasible and natural based on what we know about where they were as of 02 and where we know they’ll end up; there isn’t anything in-your-face about it, but some things might stick out to the particularly perceptive person looking out for it.

Is tri. canon to Kizuna?

Hoo boy, that sure is a question. The answer is...yes and no.

There is a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery brief, borderline blink-and-you’ll-miss-it clear reference to tri.’s central character Mochizuki Meiko and her partner, Meicoomon. (It has no real relevance to the story whatsoever.) There are things you may consider references, like Yamato being into motorbikes or Koushirou being in company business, but that’s if you really squint. Otherwise, there are no other conclusive references to any of the events from the tri. anime series. In addition, Kizuna very much prioritizes compliance with Adventure and 02, and, when faced with a plot, lore, or characterization point where it has to decide between Adventure/02 compliance or tri. compliance, it absolutely prioritizes the former, even if that means posing a direct contradiction to tri. (a good example being its portrayal of Digimon and Digimon partnerships as something that’s been a naturally increasing part of life since 1995, in stark contrast to tri. having Digimon be seen as unidentified mysterious entities all the way in 2005).

I wouldn’t say Kizuna retcons tri., but it seems to handle it in a way similar to what I call “M03 status” (M03 being previously Adventure/02′s most infamously difficult-to-rationalize entity in canon, especially when it has its own sequel in the form of The Door to Summer) -- it doesn’t go out of its way to reject anything as much as it encourages you to not think too hard about it, and prioritizes compliance with the original series when push comes to shove. Since there’s nothing really contradictory about the idea that “a girl named Mochizuki Meiko with a partner Meicoomon exists” (just like how there’s nothing contradictory about the idea that “a boy named Wallace exists and Daisuke and his friends met him in the US once”), I would say that if you do want to think about it too hard, it’s possible for some of the events of tri. to have happened, but not in the exact way they were presented in the actual real-life anime series.

Although it may seem like a cop-out to some, personally, I feel that the contradictions (especially the lore and timeline-related ones) between Adventure/02 and tri. are so huge in number and significant that it would be impossible for a 95-minute movie to maintain its integrity as a creative work while trying to resolve that laundry list of issues, and overall the movie does give off the impression of being “fun and emotional” more than anything, so it does feel like about the most practical decision they could have feasibly made.

Is it a perfect movie?

No!

Like with any work, there are things you might criticize, or that your personal taste might not match up well with. I mentioned earlier that the movie itself actually is closer in thematic line with 02 than it is Adventure, so people hoping for Adventure reference overdose or Digital World specific lore might be a bit disappointed in this respect (it focuses a bit more on the human growth and drama angle than the Digimon lore and coolness angle, although that’s not to say it completely neglects it whatsoever). There are some writing nitpicks I would say were endemic to the original series as well (some very vital thematic elements are a bit too subtle for their own good, to the point the novels and staff interviews feel a bit more necessary than they should be), and if your favorite character didn’t get a lot of spotlight in this movie, that might be a bit disappointing.

But don’t get me wrong: I don’t say any of this to harp on the movie, but mainly because I think it’s unfair to have unrealistic expectations of it. This is a single movie that’s meant to be fun and enjoyable more than anything else, and to make you think about the themes it has to say. I would not think of it as a full series nor something meant to fulfill the role of a full series, but rather a single movie -- much like Our War Game!, which is a fun and enjoyable movie but by no means a comprehensive series-scale entity -- that’s meant to entertain you and give you lots of emotions and make you think about things in the span of 95 minutes.

If anything, it is a movie definitely made with a lot of heart and passion by its staff, who clearly put a lot of love and effort and respect for the original Adventure/02 (yes, both) into it and wanted to say something emotionally moving. For all intents and purposes, both Adventure and 02 were the same way -- not necessarily free of writing problems, but full of a ton of love, passion, and soul -- and so I think it is a movie very true to the original series in this way.

#digimon #digimon adventure last evolution kizuna #shihameta

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ktheist · 5 years

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maybe, maybe

a series of coincidental meet-ups lead to an unlikely relationship between two people.

characters: smiley jeon jungkook word count. 4.8k genre: college au / slice of life au

It couldn’t have gotten any cornier than this.

A girl bawling her eyes out on the bench in the dark, letting out sobs that may or may not be the cause of the park being named ‘weeping willow’. There isn’t a willow tree and though Harry Potter is an evergreen series that lives on in every millennial, that is not the reason for the park to be named that. It’s a place where people - girls, boys and non-binaries alike - go to bawl their eyes out because assignments and exams are taking up college students’ time so much so most, if not all, doesn’t have the time to socialize.

Tonight, you are one of those weeping college students.

You don’t need to worry about it being weird. It’s an established fact that if anyone heard someone crying while passing the park, they would go on with their life. Not everyone likes to be comforted, especially not by a stranger and though yes it’s a good gesture but it really is unnecessary. Most people who came here just want to bawl their eyes out and trudge back to the library and continue their work.

So yes, you’re 99% sure no one was going to look at you as though you’re insane even though the bench you’re sitting on is right by the walkway. Nobody’s passed here for the last five minutes, you think you might be able to get another five in and be done with it.

But as it turns out, for a reason only known to the cosmos, someone asked, “Um, excuse me?”

At first, you think you’re imagining it but after thirty-seconds, you look up with puffy red eyes and possibly some snot running down your nose. You suck it back in.

“Y-yes?”

He’s quite good-looking but that may be because the closest lamp post is three feet away and it’s situated right behind him, hence the rather attractive shadow cast over his face. At the present though, you’re fuddled by him smiling at getting your attention as though help has come.

“Hi, I’m here to send some stuff to my sister but I’m a little lost, could you maybe point me in the right direction to Alpha Pie?”

“Phi. Alpha Phi.” You stare him dead in the eye, uninterested, as though you’ve been cut off just before a good orgasm because the guy didn’t know a girl’s anatomy.

He echoes the words correctly this time with a smile you didn’t think could get brighter but it did. Standing up and wiping the tears (and ugh, you really did have snot on your face) off, you gesture for him to follow you.

The campus is lit by the same kind of dim lamp post that accompanied you awhile back while you bawled away. Some students passed you by and you can somewhat understand the hollow look in their eyes and silently acknowledge the mutual feeling of being tired and wanting to go back and lay on your comfortable bed.

“So, you live on campus?” He breaks the silence with - now that you’re actually looking at him - a dimpled smile.

“Sometimes,” you answer shortly, not giving any indication to elaborate further - whoever his sister is, you can only hope she’s not crying her eyes out in her room because of assignment season.

Other times you spend your nights at McDonald's or some bar that opens till 6.

Silence sets in again and though it may not be wholly comfortable but it’s preferred - by you at least. But it’s short lived, it seems as you hear another question come from him.

“Any reason why you were crying just now?” The corners of his lips are curled cutely and he’s looking at you as though he’s asking to make small talk which he possibly is and don’t really care about the reason.

You don’t really mind either as you shrug, eyes still puffy but you’re halfway to looking like you didn’t just cry at the Weeping Willow.

“The usual. Assignments, datelines. We’re here.”

He seems to be satisfied with the answer and the both of you seem to have arrived in front of the sorority-looking building with the alphabets ‘Alpha Phi’ written proudly on top of the entrance.

“Thanks, I couldn’t have found it myself now I’m five minutes early from the time we bet I would show up.”

You don’t particularly care.

“No problem.”

And with that, you wave a hand as in to dismiss the fact that he’d taken up the 5 minutes you could have gotten to continue crying.

You almost forgot you helped a stranger find his way when you met the aforementioned stranger again as you walk out of the wooden doors of Alpha Phi. He’s donned in a crisp white button down with the cuffs of the sleeves rolled up to just below his elbow and his hands in his pockets.

“Hi, we meet again.”

It takes you half a minute to register who he is and you’re surprised he remembers your face what with the baggy clothes and unkempt hair the other day. Not to say that you’re looking any better today but your eyes are lined and winged and your lips are glossed - that’s as far as you’re willing to go to look presentable during the daylight.

“Yeah and I’m assuming you manage to find your way without bothering a crying soul this time - I hope.”

He laughs, the dimples more prominent in the light and you confirm your suspicions that he wasn’t good-looking because there was not much lighting that night - he really is, simply, good-looking.

“You live here.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement - an affirmation to his question from last time.

“Sometimes.” The corners of your own lips upturn as you repeat your previous answer.

“About the other day -”

You wave a dismissive hand, this time really meaning it when you say, “Don’t mention it.”

“No, I was about to ask you to coffee but you left so fast and I was worried I’d get lost again if I went after you and you happen to turn my advances down. Where else would I get a guide?”

That manages to make you smile wider. Alright so he’s chill.

“What makes you think I won’t turn you down right now?”

He shrugs and only then do you realize how his sleeves wrap around his arms nicely.

“Maybe in the light I look less like a creep?”

“Maybe.” You echo though he looked nothing like a creep then and he looks less than a creep now, “but I’m good.”

The tiniest stretch of his smile tells you he’s surprised but he keeps it on and nods.

“I understand. Have a good day.”

“You too.”

That day, you go to class with the same amount of concentration and determination to pass and graduate. You’re in your third year and third years either make you or break you - as what the people a year above you have said.

“I hardly think this is a coincidence anymore.” At this point you can recognize the playfulness in the tone and you whirl around to see the same man whose offer for coffee you turned down.

“I’m meeting a friend,” it all comes together quite easily and you wiggle your hand in front of him with the same level of playfulness in his tone, “Sooyoung is your sister.”

The second year isn’t as close to you as she is to your roommate, Seulgi, but on one fine night when you just got back and she was hanging around in your room, she had implored you to go to this coffee shop which chocolate chip cookies - as she claims - are to-die-for. It’s not as odd anymore why Seulgi had plans and couldn’t accompany her and she sent you the address instead of going with you since you’re both going the same direction from the same sorority.

He whisks past you and places an order before turning to you, inclining for you to place your own order. You do and it turns out the place doesn’t sell cookies and it’s actually famous for its muffins.

“I hope everything’s well.” Though his tone is light as the night you thought he was making small talks when he asked why you were crying alone, you realize now that it’s genuine concern.

He’s just that type of nice guy that gets his sister into getting her best friend’s roommate into go to a coffee shop just because he wants to make sure you’re okay.

“Really, when you saw me, I just had a lot and needed to let it out. It’s not that deep but I appreciate you checking up on me.”

His eyes twinkle a bit as he takes his first sip of Americano, “it’s not easy - it’s gonna take a lot of tears but you’ll get through it someday.”

Raising an eyebrow, you scrutinize him through your lashes with a twitch of your own, “I might be wrong but did you really not know your way or did you just not want me to be crying alone but also didn’t want to look sympathetic so you asked for directions.”

“I really was loss.”

Not that you care so much so you lean back against the chair and take your first bite out of chocolate chip muffin.

Jeon Jungkook. He told you his name and you subtly noted that Sooyoung’s family name rhymes with mark but they could be half-siblings or step-siblings. If the two occasions (including this one) of meeting him in button downs and black or navy blue pants didn’t tell you, then he’s telling you now that he’s working for a company. From the looks of it, he seems like he’s able to come and leave anytime he wants but you can’t.

It’s not disappointment that crosses his face but it’s the kind of smile that looks like he knows you’re going to up and leave, if not the moment you see him, then half an hour into enjoying your coffees.

“Student council, director of the magazine club. I understand.”

“What else did Sooyoung tell you about me?” You raise an eyebrow, this time genuinely curious about what a stranger - maybe he qualifies as an acquaintance now - knows about you that you haven’t told him.

“She didn’t tell me, I saw your picture on the board when I was heading to Prof. Kim’s office.”

Judging from where Prof. Kim’s office is and his possible connection to the aforementioned professor, you squint your eyes, curiosity piquing by the second.

“You went to Yonsei?”

The wink he gives is uncalled for and paired with that cute smile, is a deadly combination. You almost want to sit in this coffee shop longer with him just to know more - enough to satisfy the curious cat within you before you erase him from your memories because you really can’t afford to get distracted right now.

“I’ll tell you if you agree to go to dinner with me.”

Though he’s a tad more cute and a little bit interesting than the men you’ve been on coffee dates with - back in your freshman days, now you barely have time to sleep - the fascination ends here. If you were going to fall for dimples and smiles, you would have been with Professor Kim’s son, Namjoon by now.

“Some other time then.”

“Meaning never.”

You almost look like you’re caught off guard but you mimic his curled lips and wonder if all the smiles that got your heart melting each time was a facade but coming from a man who looked at you like you were a person instead of a wreck back at the park, you somehow believe that his smiles are sincere, though sometimes they look sad.

“Here’s my number.” You hand over the poorly scribbled handwriting of a napkin to him and for once, wrote the digits correctly without intentional amendments.

He takes it between his index and middle fingers, waving it in the air as though he’s saying he accepts the treaty.

On the way to the group meeting - the essential reason you couldn’t stay long - you curse yourself out for leaving with a ‘see you later’ instead of a - as he mentioned - ‘maybe never.’

“Someone’s calling.” Namjoon nudges your elbow and true enough, the screen lights up and vibrates with a sequence of unfamiliar numbers which may not be of grave importance at the moment unless if Namjoon brought it to your attention because it’s distracting him from studying.

You have a tendency to not pick up unknown calls which to this day have proven to be equally advantageous and disadvantageous but you never learn.

“I almost thought you gave me the wrong number.”

There’s this urge to smile at the playfulness of the voice.

“Why would I?”

He lets out a short laugh as though not believing it completely but whether he places his trust on you or not is not particularly your concern. His omission to answer clearly says he and you share the same understanding of why people give fake numbers but it’s pointless to talk about that.

“Where are you now?”

“Studying.”

As though he expected the generic answer or perhaps maybe it’s just a conversation starter to get to his next point, you will never know.

“Come out. I’m at the bench from that night.”

Though odd and rather unlikely for him to be there right at this moment, you tread down the walkway, more curious than excited if he’s telling the truth of his whereabouts.

You don’t know why you thought he was lying at the first place but it would be a lie if you say you’re not surprised to see that familiar flock of dark brown hair on the same bench you spent bawling your eyes out two weeks ago. He waves at you when he sees you and pulls out a paper bag that’s been on his side to sit between the two of you.

“What is this?” You ask even though you have a sneaky suspicion already.

“Stusket. Study basket. Except it’s in a bag.”

The pride in his eyes when he mentions the first word is overly adorable so you opt to pay more attention to the items inside the bag instead of that smile. The bag comes in two hot Americano, a muffin, a bundle of colored pens, energy bars and a neck pillow which surprisingly fits all that.

“I was buying one for Sooyoung but I figured I should get two. Another one for you.”

You’re a little disappointed that you’re just an add on but it’s only a given that his someone as familiar as family comes first. You don’t know when you even started caring.

“I appreciate this but are you setting me up to fail because there’s no way I can stay awake with this.” You laugh as you put on the neck pillow and note how it’s the softest suede you’ve ever touched and also the fluffiest.

He shrugs, the sleeves fitting as nicely as usual around his arms and you realize his pink lips turn into a skin-colored hue under the lamp post.

“But really, thank you.” You say and you really mean it.

He waves a hand in the air in a familiar fashion which is confirmed to be yours as he echoes the words you once said to him, “don’t mention it.”

“What’s that?” Namjoon eyes the bag with an arched brow, wondering how you went out with only a ringing phone in your hand and came back with a bag.

It doesn’t take much for him to know what’s in the bag and who it’s for.

“Someone gave me a stusket. Study basket. Except it’s in a bag.” You echo Jungkook’s exact words and recall the twinkle in his eyes.

“I never knew you got a boyfriend.” Namjoon emphasizes on the last word but there’s something in his tone that sounds like an insult - just because you were busy doesn’t mean you couldn’t find a potential love interest even though that is completely and 100% true. And Jungkook isn’t a boyfriend -

“He’s Sooyoung’s brother.” That somehow doesn’t sit right, “A friend.”

Now, that doesn’t help at all and if there’s anything Kim Namjoon is good at, it’s reaffirming your words which more often than not manage to make it sound more ridiculous as you try to elaborate.

“You’re friends with your roommate’s best friend’s brother?”

This time, you really can’t say anything else because you are nowhere close to your roommate’s best friend let alone join any functions with her that would require for her brother to be there with her. But the facts are there and what are you if not friends?

“Yes.”

“____, my brother texted me to tell you he wants to see you.” Sooyoung bursts into your room at midnight in her yellow duckling pajamas and a sheet mask, you almost didn’t recognize her from the frequency of people walking around in sheet masks and printed pajamas if not for the mention of a certain brother.

“Why doesn’t he text me?” You check your phone, eyebrows almost knitted together at the absence of any text from him.

“There’s this thing called knocking.” Seulgi throws her alpaca plushie and Sooyoung surprisingly manages to catch it.

“I don’t know girl, but get your ass down there before one of the sis notices I’m up here in your room and not talking to my brother!” Are Sooyoung’s last words before she throws herself at Seulgi despite the latter’s desperate protest.

You slip a cardigan on before closing the door on the two girls who are starting a pillow fight on Seulgi’s bed with your pillow as Sooyoung’s weapon.

That dimpled almost has you skipping like a little girl.

You shoot him the same question you did with his sister as you gesture for him to follow you and away from the sorority. Before you get far, the hood covering part of your head pools at the back of your neck and a grinning Jungkook is standing just a few inches behind you, no doubt the culprit.

“Are you ashamed to be seen with me?”

“I just prefer to have my hood on.”

He sees through your lies and chuckles - whether he knows the exact reason for you reluctance to be seen with the same man more than once on campus besides your usual set of friends, you’re not sure.

Though you love the sisterhood you share between the girls of the sorority, you can’t deny that there are ears ready to eavesdrop and it’s never good when someone outside of your circle knows about anything especially if it concerns you and a boy. All this time, it’s established that you feel absolutely nothing for the male specimens that often become the talk of the house. If they knew - God help the overboard ‘support’ your sisters are more than willing to give you.

“How was your day?”

“Good.”

There’s a familiar silence that’s more comfortable than whatever it was the first time you walked him to the house.

“I was scared to text you. You might not come.”

He says out of the blue and so out of character, you have to pause and look at him to make sure he even said anything in the first place. His gaze is already on you and you can’t help but take a moment to digest that someone as composed as Jungkook would have fears and because of you for that matter.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

This time, there’s no tricks or games. The answer might have been obvious but it isn’t for you and the corners of Jungkook’s lips curls as he nods to himself as though he’s coming to terms with himself and realizing there was nothing to be afraid of.

“I get nervous texting the girl I like.”

Jungkook has texted you three days later and asked you if you were free Thursday night and you have no choice but to turn him down. Not that you want to but most of your days are planned out and are subject to your timetable. Though, this type of ‘no’ hasn’t let you sit well through out the day.

If you would be a little be more honest, you daresay you want to see him.

“Why didn’t you say yes?!” Seulgi cries and you have to toss a pillow on her face to remind her to lower her voice in case anyone hears.

You thank the universe that Sooyoung likes to keep to herself which is why you get along with her even though you don’t share her passion for cute bras, cats and male phallus - a quirky combination but you’re not about to kink shame. Seulgi on the other hand knows what to say and what to keep from people’s business - the two of them together makes an unlikely friendship which if you look closer, seems just right.

“You know I’m too busy for boys.”

Seulgi throws you a look which warrants an eye roll. You already know what she’s about to say.

“He’s not a boy, he’s a man.”

You’re not going to admit the significant difference between the two categories because 1) you’re not going to give her any room for more innuendos and 2) you’re not ready to face Jungkook after nodding and responding ‘cool’ to his confession.

Then your phone vibrates.

For a solid 5 second, you and Seulgi are at a stare off before she leaps across the five feet gap between your bed and hers - and in an attempt to shield yourself from a human cannon ball, you try to roll off the bed but alas, the human crashes right into you.

You take a moment to register whether any bones have been dislocated before reaching for your phone which is too late by the way. The damage has been done and as you know it, the blue text on your part has already agreed for another day which is Saturday.

For a moment, you debated correcting your statement by telling him the truth but when his smile flashes at the back of your head, and you decide against cancelling the plan.

“You’re choosing a guy over finishing up a paper you need to submit two days from now.” Namjoon states in-a-matter-of-factly.

“Chill, I got like two days more.”

You almost squirm under his scrutiny because he’s the one person who’s been with you through your lowest, been your pillar of strength and sanity when you need a word of advice. The one week he wasn’t here, you almost lost your mind which was the reason you ended up breaking down at the park.

So if there’s anyone who knows you would be freaking out because the date line is nearing, it’s Kim Namjoon, your childhood friend slash study buddy who doesn’t even need to study but waved a dismissive hand at you when you told him he didn’t need to accompany you at the library till it closes almost every night.

“5 years from now, are you going to regret not going on a dinner with some guy or handing in a possibly imperfect paper which you could have perfected and bump your A to an A+ if you didn’t go to the dinner with the guy?”

The paper isn’t written yet but you’re halfway into your research and you can finish up with the important points later after dinner assuming it ends before 10 and your journey would only take about an hour or so to get back. Apparently, it’s transparent that you don’t want the dinner to end early which before you know it, you’ve already gotten the answer to Namjoon’s question.

He shakes his head and packs up his things. You thought he was disappointed at you enough to ignore your presence altogether but he looks at you again and you find yourself holding your breath.

But he doesn’t say anything and you watch as he leaves the library. In that moment, everything comes crashing in - your life plans, your college goals. None of them includes Jungkook but if his inclusion means the distraction of your goals, then, Jeon Jungkook is just an insignificant part of your life.

You stop in front of the diner so sure that you value your friendship with Namjoon more than a man you known within just two months. With that, you send Jungkook a text that you’re outside. He struts out in a matching navy blue tuxedo with a black button down underneath, that cute smile on full display. His eyebrows arch when he sees you in an over-sized sweater, shorts and this time, kept hair. You pride would be scarred if you showed up any less presentable than this but you’re here for one reason and that’s to properly tell him you’re not going to entertain him anymore.

“You’re here.” He comes to a stop in front of you but just when he was about to gesture for you to go inside, you speak first.

“Here is fine.”

He accepts your decision with a nod, hands pocketed as though ready for what you’re about to say.

“Did something happen along the way?”

“No, nothing happened.”

The look of relief on his face makes it harder to stand your ground. Showing up severely under dressed to a five star restaurant is already disrespectful as it is but he’s more worried that something might have happened to you that warrants you unable to don a suitable dress for a dinner.

“You must be hungry, let’s sit and talk. At least have some water.” He adds when you’re about to protest.

With the last part, you relent and the dimple smile carves its way to his lips as though your compliance is enough for him.

He places two identical orders and dismisses the other as his extra plate but it would be embarrassing to have two sets of servings for himself. When the food does come, he doesn’t even touch it. In fact, his eyes never left you as though your presence is more appealing than a medium rare steak prepared by a Michelin chef.

“How was your day?”

“Good.” You shrug.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

If the dimple wasn’t enough, you start to wonder if his eyes have always crinkled when he smiles.

“I can’t stay.”

“You never seem to be able to.”

For a split second, his lips are set in a thin line but then he smiles but it’s not the same smile you’ve been receiving until now. It’s the kind of smile that makes you want to take back your hostility and swallow your pride but you wouldn’t be you if you did that so instead you swallowed the water the waiter set aside for you.

“I have assignments to finish and exams to prepare for. I have to go.”

He stands up a second later than you, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

“I’ll send you back, let me settle the bill first.”

The cosmos must have hated you from the moment since you were born and it’s all unraveling right now as you yearningly take a last look at the untouched steak and how much of a waste it was because the extra platter was just a facade because Jeon Jungkook was too nice to let you watch him eat or let you stand outside in the cold while you two talked.

“There’s really no need to send me back, I can walk. The campus is really close.”

He thwarts your last ditch attempt to leave with, “I have something to pass to Sooyoung too. My car’s in the workshop so I’ll walk with you.”

“You just said you were going to send me back which implies you have a car. So it just suddenly transferred itself to a workshop?” You eye him suspiciously and without any effort to hide it, he chuckles, head dropping.

“Yes, if you believe in magic.”

You don’t expect him to entertain questions to an obvious answer the way he always didn’t. It only adds to the feebleness of the whole situation. So you opt to walk in silence and struggle to either remain a step in front or behind from him. If he notices your diligence, he doesn’t mention it until you’re at the Weeping Willow and his fingers suddenly wrap around your wrist.

He takes a step closer and another until you’re only a hair’s breadth away. You’re staring at his eyes and he’s looking at your lips. Just before he kisses you, he pauses and meets your gaze but this time he catches your lingering stare on his lips.

“If you say no now, I’ll leave and I won’t ever show up in your life but if there’s a smidgen of chance that you’re acting like this because you’re not good with handling emotions -”

So you kiss him.

You kiss him with all and every emotion that you have, the butterflies, the zoo, the anxiety, the fear and the excitement.

note: woooo so first fic after years of not writing, i’m a little rusty and i just finished this in one sitting. i have the most fun writing this, but my apologies for the errors and typos - i shamefully admit to not rereading this because i just want to quickly finish this and get it out there hahahah

credit goes to: before we get married drama (go watch, it tests your principles, and the characters all have their shortcomings which balances out the story line - but please for those who have watch the whole series don’t give spoilers i’m only on my 5th ep!)

and blackpink reference yooo :D

#jeon jungkook #networkbangtan #jungkook x reader #jungkook scenarios #bts x reader #bts scenario #jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic #jungkook x you #bts x you #jungkook fluff #bts fluff #jungkook scenario #jungkook imagines #bts imagines

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