#like so much about tiktok?? and why like that wasn’t necessary

[exbeaut]

Wild and Wicked Things, Francesca May

[mirage-aera]

•°. *࿐ Claim me

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Meddle About - Chase Atlantic

Keegan Russ x Reader

Synopsis: You're known to be lost in your books and their fantasies whenever you're off duty. When word gets out that you've finally found a boyfriend who is not a character, no one believes you. So Keegan makes himself known as your boyfriend to stop the soldiers from bothering you any longer. Word count: 938 Masterlist

Inspired by a little TikTok of @ lockgan. He cosplays as Keegan, so for my Keegan girlies you should check him out! 👀

Surprisingly it’s a quiet day at Fort Santa Monica. You’re not needed to patrol the walls surrounding the base and the Federation has been quiet today. The soldiers are noticeably more relaxed and easygoing. They get to sit back and poke fun at each other. But that also means lips are looser around the base. You decide to not take part in their gossip, instead, you spend your time on your beloved books. Finally being able to catch up on lost reading time. If Keegan wasn’t still busy then you would’ve opted to spend some time with him, but understandably he’s a busy man.

You haven’t gotten together for long. At most, it’s been a couple of months. But you can already see yourself grow old with him, despite all of the difficulties you’ll face. Apparently, word has gotten out that you have recently gotten a boyfriend. They don’t know yet who, so that has been the talk around Fort Santa Monica. People can’t believe that you, a bookworm, have gotten a boyfriend. You’ve approached Keegan with this, you've told him that if he’s bothered by rumors swirling around you, you can set your foot down and tell them who your boyfriend is. He just laughed and said, ‘let them find out who your boyfriend is. They’ll find out sooner or later. The base is quite small.’ He winked at you before resuming his duties, which left you a flustered mess. Not used to his ways of teasing you.

You sit in the common room with a few other soldiers. So engrossed in the book you’re reading, you don’t notice them calling out to you. Eventually one of them stomps over to you, annoyed that you aren’t paying them any attention over your book. “Hey! Are you deaf or something?!” He says exasperated while grabbing the book out of your hands. You look up at the person in annoyance, “I was reading that! Give it back!” He scoffs in response, “now you acknowledge me.” You look at him confused. He gives you a look and puts the book back down on the couch, “we’ve been trying to get your attention for minutes!” He waves his arms around in annoyance while motioning to his buddies. You sigh, “sorry. What do you want?” You ask curtly. Wanting to get back to your book as soon as possible. What you have failed to see is that Keegan has come looking for you. He’s leaning on the doorframe leading to the common room, watching your exchange with the other soldiers. Ready to intervene if necessary.

The soldier smirks at you, “I heard you have gotten a boyfriend.” He states as if it’s some sacred information. You raise an eyebrow, “I do.” You deadpan. He laughs, “so, why haven’t we seen him yet?” You chuckle, “you’ve seen him around I reckon.” At your comment, he raises an eyebrow. Getting ready to speak before getting interrupted by one of his buddies. “Are you sure he exists?” He asks snickering. You frown at him, “yes. He does exist.” Getting fed up with this stupid interrogation. “Now I would like to get back to my book if you’re done.” You state them. Subtly telling them to fuck off. The soldier who took your book from you looks at it, “I bet it’s just another one of your fantasies. He’s your book boyfriend isn’t he?” He chuckles as he points to the book. You glance at the book before scowling at him. “My boyfriend. Is real. Thank you very much.” You spit out. They all laugh at how bothered you’re getting by their taunts. “Just admit it. It’s all in your head.” The other speaks up. Just as you’re about to retort to his statement. You see a figure crossing across the room, standing in front of you protectively. Keegan.

“What’s going on here?” He says with his arms crossed. The one who grabbed your book speaks up, “we’re asking her about her so-called ‘boyfriend’. Who is clearly not real.” He smirks. Keegan lets out a dry chuckle, “her boyfriend?” The soldiers nod in unison. He narrows his eyes at them, giving them a cold look. “I’m the boyfriend. Do I look real, soldiers?” He states coldly. The way those men tense up and freeze at Keegan’s words is a sight for sore eyes. You let out a small chuckle. “I asked you something.” He says impatiently. As if they are being reprimanded by higher-ups they straighten up, “yes sergeant.” One of them stutters out. Keegan smirks at their demeanor before dropping it. “Get lost. If you pull this shit I again. I will hear about it. I will find you. And give you something to cry about.” He says menacingly. Even this got you surprised. You can’t imagine how they feel after hearing that. They all give him a quick salute before scrambling off.

You place a hand on his shoulder blade. He turns around to face you. He pulls you into his chest by your waist, kissing your forehead. He pulls away and looks into your eyes with a possessive look. “Claim. Me.” Two words. Two simple words that make your knees weak. Two words for one sentence, ‘tell them who your boyfriend is’. That is what he’s trying to convey to you. You feel your face getting slightly warm to the touch. You look into his eyes with love. “You’re mine.” You tell him. Two words for a simple sentence, ‘Keegan Russ is my boyfriend’. He smiles at your words, understanding what you are trying to say.

“I’m yours sweetheart. Don’t forget that.”

[neo404]

Reader not even knowing he is into guys till he meet and starts liking nick after harboring feelings for a while he randomly asks nick out while they are hanging out

New Feelings.

Summary: your friend Chris introduces you to his brother Nick, not knowing that you’ll develop feelings for him.

Tw: cursing

I don’t remember when I started feeling like this. I think from the first time I saw him something changed inside of me. It was fall, Chris wanted to go hang out at a park and said his brother will come too, when I saw Nick for the first time something clicked in my brain, maybe it was his tattoos or his messy blonde hair, either way, I was infatuated with him. I got closer to him and started to hang out alone.

Most times I find myself looking at him, staring at his blue eyes, his smile. At first it was scary, I have never felt this way towards another guy, but after a while thinking and listening to him laugh, I realized this feeling is not momentarily.

I know Nick likes guys, I know he would date someone like me, I just don’t know if he would date me. It makes me go crazy to think about him rejecting me, but I’m more scared of never telling him how much I want to be with him. I truly believe he is the most amazing human being alive, he’s funny and handsome, hard working and kind.

‘’Are you fucking listening?’’ Nick softly punches my arm. We are sitting at the same bench we were sitting the day we met, it has been a few months since that day, a lot has changed.

‘’Sorry, I was thinking.’’

‘’Yeah, like you can think. What where you thinking about?’’

‘’Do you wanna go on a date with me?’’ I say without hesitating, he looks confused.

‘’What? Is this some kind of joke?’’

‘’Of course not, why would I joke about something like this?’’

‘’A date? Aren’t you like… straight?’’ he seems nervous.

‘’I’m not.’’

‘’I didn’t know.’’

‘’Me neither… Nick, look. I like you, a lot, I can’t stop thinking about you and us being together, I’m scared of this not working out, I totally get it if you don’t feel the same way but to be honest, I was more afraid of never having the courage to tell you. So, yeah, just tell me hat you feel, no hard feelings.’’

‘’I can’t believe this. I thought you liked girls.’’

‘’I do.’’ I mutter.

‘’I know. I mean like, only girls. Whatever, what I want to say is I like you too, I thought it was obvious, I had to force myself to act a certain way so you didn’t notice it. But I guess I should have just shown my true feelings. I’d love to go on that date with you.’’ He smiles warmly at me.

‘’Really? That’s awesome.’’ I smile widely, my cheeks burn a little. ‘’I already have a plan, oh god, that’s embarrassing, I said it before I though.’’

‘’You are so cute. Tell me about this plan.’’ He laughs at me and grabs my hand softly; I smirk and quickly glance at our hands.

‘’So, I was thinking. Picnic, arcade and ice cream. At the picnic we can do cute things like draw each other or something like that.’’

‘’Oh my god, I have seen people do that all over my tiktok. We have to do it.’’

‘’Great. So, maybe this weekend? Like Saturday maybe.’’

‘’That’s good for me… Have you told Chris about this’’ he says the last part looking at our hands.

‘’No. I wanted to tell him after I made us official, so, not yet. And about the also liking boys too, I don’t think it’s necessary to come out to them, maybe I can casually drop it in one of our conversations.’’ I say calmly.

‘’Sounds great. So, when do you plan to make us official?’’ I chuckle at this.

‘’After a few dates, I want to make sure that you fall in love with me as much as I fell for you, but I think that’s impossible.’’

‘’God, you are smooth. I like that idea, having dates, with you. It sounded almost impossible to me.’’

‘’We’ll we are here now. Sorry for making you think otherwise.’’ My thumb starts to rub his hand.

‘’It’s not your fault, I’m glad you said something about it.’’

‘’Me too.’’

Even when my confession wasn’t conventional, or the most romantic one, I know my feelings for him are real, and I’ll give my best for our next couple of dates to be the best he has ever had in his life. I’m gonna make sure that he sees how good of a boyfriend I will be. I can’t wait for us to finally be together, and for me to not hide my feelings for him anymore.

[3sn00]

attitude. bratty sub!sunoo, gender neutral!reader.

taking inspo from this tiktok ><

It’s been weeks since you’ve been very busy from work. It was one of those times that things to do were multiplying on their on, so the quality time that you shared with your boyfriend was shortening while the weeks passed. He didn’t complain a lot about it because he knew there were some months where you had a lot to do, but this time…it felt different to him. You only arrived home to sleep and eat when you woke up, which had your boyfriend feeling very much alone.

But finally those days of plenty of duties ended, and you even got a day off! Which you decided you would dedicate it to your boyfriend.

You arrived home that night happy to tell Sunoo that tomorrow you got a day off, you were excited to open the door and feel his body in a warm and tight hug like he always receives you, but that night was different.

“Sun…?” you said closing the door. You could tell he was there because the lights were on, but you were confused looking at this strange image in front of your eyes.

Sunoo was shirtless sitting in the sofa strongly focused on the TV, and that didn’t bother you because you thought he may haven’t heard you arriving home, so you went to him giving the boy a hug from behind while he was sitting.

“I’m home my love.” You said softly kissing his head.

“Good job today.” He said shortly.

You were confused at his reaction, when you realized he always welcome you with more energy than anyone. But you didn’t say anything, he may be tired too or have mood swings that could happen to anyone.

“I’ll go change.” You said softly again, going to your room to get comfortable clothes.

When you came back you saw a different image in front of yourself as the one you saw when you arrived. The TV was off this time, and Sunoo was laying down in the sofa with his phone in front of him?

“Taking shirtless pics?” You asked smiling sitting close to him in the sofa.

He didn’t answer; you thought maybe he was too focused in the looks of the pictures or something.

“Are they for me?~” You asked trying to get him to look at you.

“For a friend.” He responded coldly.

You were a little bit confused because he has never done this before, and in front of you.

“Do I know them?” You asked trying to not make a big deal of it.

“No you don’t.” He responded.

You guys were closed at the point of knowing each other friends very well, but again trying to not make a big deal of it you just thought it could maybe be a new friend.

“Do you send shirtless pictures to your friends now?” You asked him.

“Is there a problem?” He said smirking looking at his phone.

At this point you knew there was something off, you couldn’t stand this strange attitude of his anymore.

“Sun, is there something you want to tell me?”

“Is there something you, want to tell me Y/n?” He responded with the same tone as you.

You decided to play his game and got up going closer to him, getting closer to his face and holding up his phone.

“Why you are being such a slut for? You show other people shirtless pictures of you while you are in a relationship?” You asked him centimeters close to his face.

You had never used this kind of words with Sunoo; he had always been such a well-behaved boy with you that you didn’t have reasons to be tough or “mean” to him in any sexual way.

He looked directly into your eyes, with a look of his you have never seen before, it was almost like it wasn’t Sunoo. That look sent a shiver into your body, it turned you on so much the thought of ruin him at the moment.

“You finally pay me attention, huh?” Your boyfriend said looking directly at your eyes with his foxy gaze. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Don’t you have an idea?” He said in a mocking tone. “I almost thought I was your roommate instead of your boyfriend.”

You understood the situation at this point but you didn’t like the fact that he treated you like this.

“But was it necessary to ignore me like that? At least I deserve an apology.” You said without seriousness, you thought he would take it as sarcasm.

“Make me.” He said still looking at your eyes smirking.

You froze on the spot at his new way of talking to you. You never had to deal with this kind of behavior coming from Sunoo, so all you could think of is making him apologize just as he said.

You lifted your hand and pressed two fingers of yours in his mouth, thing that took by surprise but what really startled him was how you suddenly shoved them deeper into his mouth making him gag in response.

“Is this what it takes to tame you?” You said sticking out your fingers off his mouth while he was catching his breath.

“T-this is nothing for me.” he said while holding his neck.

You quickly decided to take off his pants, your action again taking him by surprise.

Just when you thought he couldn’t be any sluttier tonight you saw how he was wearing a pantie of yours. You were amazed at the view of his hard on waiting to escape from it to be touched.

“A pantie? Really?” You said chuckling at him.

He didn’t respond at the moment, but the next sound he did was a muffled squirm at the feel of you pinching his nipple and caressing with fast movements his hard on inside the pantie.

“Wouldn’t this be enough right baby?” You said with the intention of teasing him.

He was covering his mouth with his arm while holding hardly the couch with his other hand, poor baby was trying so hard to stay on character, but as always you found a way to make him feel amazing.

“Would it be enough if I free your dick hm?” You asked him slowly removing the fabric of the underwear down his legs.

After that you started stroking him, it wasn’t necessary the need of lube as he was covered in pre ejaculation. You kissed his lower belly, knowing is one of his sensitive spots.

At this point almost every part of his body was stimulated with your touch, your arms and mouth were busy trying to break him, and you knew it was working as you started to hear his moans and cries louder at your touch.

You lifted your head looking at him and said “Could this be enough?”

“Of c-cours— Fuck!- Not!”

You only smiled at his response.

You knew he started to feel his orgasm close because he started to lift his hips up and down, he was anxious to cum.

Between whimpers, you heard he cried out “Please kiss me!”

“Is that a command? Who do you think I am? You slut.” You said making fun of him.

“P-please Y/n! I want to feel your lips, please! I-i’m really sorry I swear!!” He said almost crying.

At this point you couldn’t resist anymore hearing him whimper like that, so you gave up and fulfilled his wish. It only took two seconds of you kissing his lips for him to cum in your hand lifting his hip and moaning into your mouth.

His huffs and deep breaths covered your face because you were very close to him. It took him some seconds to come into his senses again.

“May I have an explanation now?” You directed to him.

He looked at you with crystal eyes said “I’m so sorry Y/n, I know it was a childish behavior, but… I felt so alone these three weeks that thought you didn’t want my company anymore…”

You only softened your expression.

“Did I ever say with my words that something like that?” He shook his head in response.

“For both of us, these weeks have been very hard my love, so next time this happens, let’s just communicate what we feel instead of doing this tv drama shit that you did.” You said laughing.

He agreed laughing too. “And by the way I wasn’t taking pictures actually… And that attitude it was hard for me to pull off too!”

“Mhm? Is that so?”

“But was it sexy though? You said you wanted to try brat taming one day right!” Sunoo said as a joke.

“This isn’t about that right now!” You pinched his cheek and he chuckled in response. “Let’s go take a shower okay?” You said as you helped him stand up.

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

kinda trashy but i wanted to write smt about my pookie

[jukipptx]

hi hi! what do you think chenle’s reaction to the tiktok prank “my bf told me to slow down my spending”

e.g., https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSNkkMHsq/

I’m sorry I disappeared 😭😭😭 I blacked out after watching nct dream live last month ⚰️ I almost died for real this time 😄😄😄 but here you go 🩷🩷🩷

Requests are OPEN 🩷🎀🥰

He straight up said to you “hey hey slow down, stop spending so much in one go” and expected you not to be mad? Delusional!!! How could he say that after giving you an additional card from his credit card and telling you to buy aaaaaaall the nice things you wanted???? buuuuut you can’t get mad at him though, because you were kind of spending a bit too much and he’s too kind, so instead of being mad, you pulled a prank on him, one you saw on TikTok.

He was lying on his bed, he just came back from practice, and all of his things were scattered on the bed, including his wallet which was necessary for this prank. So you started walking slowly, pretending to go slow-mo, stalking like a lion to his prey. He didn’t notice at first, but he did when the wood cracked under you. He squinted his eyes, already knowing something was up.

“What are you doing?” He locked his phone and sat himself up. He crossed his arms and maintained his suspicious expression.

You continued walking slowly until you finally reached the bed and started to get up. You almost fell because the bed was tall and turns out it’s really hard to jump in slow-mo. Chenle scoffed a little, almost laughing at your attempt. When you were finally up, you first kissed his cheek (in slow-mo) and then went on to grab his wallet.

“What are you dooooooing?” He said in slow-mo, trying to keep up with you. He started laughing when you took out his card, and closed the wallet and went back to lay down next to him, all in slow-mo.

“I’m slowing down” you pulled out your phone and started opening the app where you were buying earlier.

“Why?” He peeked at your phone and his brows furrowed.

“Because you told me to” you continued scrolling slowly. He was starting to get confused so he pushed you slightly.

“When? What did I say??? Are you mad?” He was holding onto your arm. He was half keeping a straight face, half almost wanting to laugh.

“Earlier you told me to slow down while I was online shopping, so that’s what I’m doing, I’m doing it slowly.” You continued nonchalantly, or at least tried to, because he bursted out and you almost did as well.

“That’s not what I meant.” He could barely speak because he was laughing so hard. “You can buy anything you want, you know that.” He continued laughing but gave you a kiss in between. Oh chenle stooooooooop I’m falling in love with you 😩😩😔😔

“Yaaaaaaay” You stopped with the slow-mo, and were about to run off, but Chenle held onto your wrist stopping you from running away.

“But you owe me.” He tilted his head and grinned which gave you a full body goosebump. You knew what he meant, and it wasn’t money 😁😁😁

[maxiemumdamage]

If it wasn’t clear I finally read Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes.

And I’m…mystified? By the criticisms of it which I had already seen plenty of before reading the actual book. Most complaints were about 1. pacing, 2. the POV character being a whiny brat/already evil, and 3. the overdramatic nature of everything. I’m not even gonna touch on that last thing, because people have always said it about the Hunger Games and it’s never been as true as they want it to be (the “Baby Bomb” in Catching Fire and Reaper’s moment with the flag come to mind, but there’s plenty of examples).

But like…I saw complaints that it took too long for the plot to pick up, but I was enthralled from the beginning. The ending was very harried and kinda rushed, sure, but that was also sort of the point — Coriolanus has a breakdown in the woods and in doing so goes past the point of no return with Lucy, so he returns to the Capitol and becomes the dictator we all know. It might've felt more jarring if I hadn't known that was how it would end, but...we all knew going in there was no way Coriolanus Snow and Lucy Gray Baird would run away and live in the woods together. Because before we ever knew Coryo, we knew President Snow. We knew where he'd end up.

I feel most of those complaints were rooted in the fact people always expect the Hunger Games books to be about...the Hunger Games. They view it like they're in the Capitol, like the Games themselves are the entertainment and focus and point of the story. They’re not, even when we’re reading about the creation of the Games as they became what they were in canon. The Games were never the point — it was about the people and world that created them. I went in expecting a post-war climate, and the saga of how a clever, manipulative young man worked his way into power, and as such I was immensely satisfied. This is about Snow becoming the cruel person we know, with some of his worst qualities being there from minute one and others taking time to be built or reinforced.

My biggest gripe is the romance. Yep, SnowBaird, the huge draw for every TikTok Songbirds and Snakes movie fan, just felt so out of place to me when it happened in the book. Lucy just got out of a romantic relationship that bit her in a truly spectacular fashion. But ok, sure. She's desperate, pretty much completely alone, and Coriolanus is very kind and supportive in his actions and she can't hear his self-serving and obnoxious internal monologue.

Coriolanus, though...I never understood why he seemed to be in love with her. He has a grudging almost-respect for Lucy Gray that he doesn't give anyone else, but I figured that was more because she demonstrated her cunning and talents where he could dismiss most others. She’s a performer, she’s got talent and poise, she’s forced to win people over (like him! (it’s not. his life never depended on it in the violent and final way hers did)).

And maybe it was necessary, that Snow thinks he’s in love. Because it’s at the core of the possessiveness, the jealousy, that colors so many of his interactions with Lucy. He has to be in love, so we can assign meaning or justifications to his actions. And then he tidily betrays everyone he supposedly loved, and it becomes clearer he’s only ever cared about himself.

And in general, I rarely understand romantic plots. And especially here, the point isn’t romance. It’s trust. Trust Coriolanus fails to extend to practically everyone, and it’s ultimately why he can’t make a better choice than to run back to the Capitol and Gaul.

[yeehaw6996]

How absolutely kind of Israel to let Palestinians know when their homes are gonna be bombed. Maybe if Israel wasn’t a terrorist state hamas wouldn’t exist. If during the process of “eliminating” Hamas you are bombing and orphaning children you’re creating so many more Hamas members

the victims of october seventh weren’t as lucky. if there’s any terrorist state it’s the ‘state’ of palestine, considering they actually commit acts of terror. walking into cafes with bomb vests, constantly raining rockets onto civilian targets, the like.

israel is the most successful landback movement in history. if you look up the international criteria for ‘indigenous people’, the jewish people fit, and the palestinians don’t. the arabs colonized the area a long time ago and no matter how hard the various colonizers tried, they were unable to remove a jewish presence from the region. israel is a small space. it’s about the size of new jersey. what confuses me is why the ‘palestinians’, a cultural identity that did not emerge until after the ‘67 war, can’t be absorbed into the other arab nations in the region - oh, wait, they antagonized them all by overthrowing two governments (jordanian and lebanese).

the palestinians are the most privileged refugees in the world. they’re also the most entitled. they are the only group to have received generational refugee status. they receive the most aid in the world per capita, much of which is from israel, the people they terrorize. however, i saw a palestinian man on twitter film a video and post it to tiktok complaining about the mre he’d gotten - keep in mind, that’s the food that american service members eat? it’s a higher quality food package than typical disaster relief food?? the fuck??

now they insist the indigenous people move aside? automatically forgive the past century, past milennia, of terror and oppression, just so some overprivileged people who refuse to assimilate anywhere and demand land that doesn’t belong to them can get away with mass rape, terror, and hypocrisy?

let me ask you this - what exactly do you think the gazans would do with an airport?

don’t get me wrong, i’m not jewish. no need to throw slurs or accusations at me. i’m american, not israeli. i came into this conflict with little to no knowledge of the region and, after extensive research, came out a zionist. i leaned left before this. however these days, on this issue specifically, ben shapiro makes more sense than hasan. do you know how much that pisses me off? i hate the right! fuck republicanism in general! why do i have to agree with them? once the left starts making sense again i’ll come back, but it’s been made abundantly clear that leftists want the destruction of the jewish people like every fascist group before them.

regarding making new hamas members - i get where you’re coming from. however you underestimate the effect that a peaceful protest movement could have on the people of israel. these are not awful people, and believing such is antisemitic - and their government listens to them. why do you think they’re bombing gaza instead of extensive ground operations? they don’t want to lose soldiers and deal with their families voting against them. the jewish people can absolutely be convinced into palestinian statehood, you just need to convince them, instead of killing them. what’s the incentive for them to create another enemy state in the region?

do your own research and stop listening to the people around you. look into the jewish religion and their connection to the land. i know it’s easy to get sucked into what others think of an issue, but it’s your responsibility to form opinions for yourself. benny morris has some good books. a concise history of a nation reborn by daniel gordis is also a good one. rise above the hate around you and see the situation for what it is, and don’t shrink your historical knowledge to the past century - learn about the land if you insist on wasting the oxygen necessary for life, why don’t you.

[r-2-peepoo]

Did Obi Wan really vote to kick Ahsoka out of the Jedi Order???

All of these things that are wrapped up in Ahsoka’s story, which ultimately make her realize what the audience realizes. “I love the Jedi Order. They’re very important to me, I’ve always respected them. But there’s something wrong here, and I need to walk away from it to assess it.” -Dave Filoni on Ahsoka walking away from the Order.

(Full Quote at the bottom.)

For anyone who doesn’t want to read my ramblings, the answer is NO. You may now continue scrolling. <3

There’s this weird idea I’ve seen showing up over and over mainly in the comments of tiktok edits of Ahsoka and Idk if it’s just one person and I’m just on a very niche part of Star Wars edit tiktok but it’s bothering me so I want to say this for anyone who may have seen this misinformation:

Absolutely nowhere has it been definitively stated that Obi Wan voted in favour of expelling Ahsoka from the Order.

You are more than welcome to speculate but it is not a proven fact so let’s not lie to fans who potentially aren’t aware of that.

This arc in general bothers me, not because I’m a biased Obi Wan fan who thinks he can do no wrong (quite the opposite in fact), but because I do think it could’ve been written better or at least in more detail. I know Dave claimed otherwise but I don’t believe that it would exist if not to explain why Ahsoka wasn’t in Revenge of the Sith. It was necessary, I love how dramatic it is, but I could also live without it. That's just my opinion though.

Did Obi Wan do as much as he could to help Ahsoka? No. That is a fact. Neither did Plo and those are two people who are meant to be in her corner. It’s super disappointing to watch but it’s also not out of character which is a strength of the arc. People you care about can and will disappoint you which is just a fact of life and understanding that is a vital part of growing up. It’s an uncomfortable truth and it would be cool to know more about Ahsoka's perspective on this considering how young she was when this happened.

Furthermore, people rarely seem to consider the perspective of the council. The public is losing faith in the Jedi (for understandable reasons). Not to mention that people were killed in the bombing and they deserve justice. Like it or not, there was evidence placing Ahsoka at the scene. We know she would never do it. Anakin and Padmé know. Certain members of the council definitely know. However, it would go against the council’s beliefs, and would be wrong for them to bend the legal system to protect one of their own. As nice as it would be, it would only end up making things worse not just for the reputation of the Order but for Ahsoka herself too. She would still be a suspect and to outsiders, she would look guilty, so the council has to follow the legal system. Doing anything else would only amplify the spotlight on her. That doesn’t invalidate her reaction at all, in fact, her reaction is the most compelling part in my opinion. It would, however, be interesting to know what she thinks about it when she’s older though because her views on the Jedi are far from black and white.

I'm also of the view that Palpatine and the Senate did the majority of the damage. If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's fuck Palpatine.

When I first saw this arc, my heart sank to see Obi Wan and Plo not giving Ahsoka their full support and it still does make me sad but after reading Dave’s full quote on the issue and reflecting on it more, I understand. Can’t say I’d do the same as I’d probably end up more like Anakin but it was the best thing to do considering the council’s position and the information they had at the time. Not to mention it’s heavily implied through what Dave said and just from watching the show and knowing these characters that the people most likely to vote to save Ahsoka are Yoda, Plo and Obi Wan.

Also let's talk about Obi Wan's reaction to Ahsoka leaving because that shit broke me. He's usually so restrained and composed so Plo having to stop him from going after her and Anakin is a huge deal. I'd love to know what that confrontation would've looked like.

Star Wars characters’ strengths lie in that not a single one of them is a perfect person. It’s what makes them so interesting. Manipulating the narrative to make certain people look like more of a victim and others look worse just picks holes in the story and does a disservice to both the character being victimised and the character being vilified. Ahsoka looks back on her time as a Jedi and misses it and always intended to come back eventually. She didn’t hate them. It would be uncharacteristic of her if she did and Obi Wan was someone who really meant a great deal to her, ever after this arc.

-

Finally, here is everything Dave said on the matter:

“Then at the beginning of the last arc [of Season Five], she basically saves Anakin the way Anakin would’ve always saved her in the past. And Anakin’s unconscious, he’s like, “What happened?” She says, “I saved your life, don’t worry about it.” It’s fun and he laughs about it then, and he’s not embarrassed by it. They’re a team. So we get them to that moment and then we put a ton of pressure on it.

And through the whole trial, Anakin is the only one that stays 100 percent in her court.

I think Plo Koon stays 75-80 percent of the way in her court because he says, “I don’t believe she could’ve fallen so low.”

In Obi-Wan we really see the Jedi because he is compromised. Obi-Wan doesn’t believe Ahsoka is guilty of these crimes, but he has a very hard time arguing politically that the Jedi Council shouldn’t do what they do to her. He trusts in the Force, which is what they love to say when they don’t know what they’re doing, and they expel her. He can’t argue the logic. He doesn’t like Tarkin’s logic [but he can’t argue] that they can’t try her within the Jedi because the public, which we show in this episode arc, who are losing faith in the Jedi, would cry foul ball. “How can you put her on trial? Of course you’ll find her innocent. She’s a Jedi and you’re a Jedi.” So they expose themselves, and we see how they’re exposed.

All of these things that are wrapped up in Ahsoka’s story, which ultimately make her realize what the audience realizes. “I love the Jedi Order. They’re very important to me, I’ve always respected them. But there’s something wrong here, and I need to walk away from it to assess it.” It all feeds into Revenge of the Sith when the chancellor says, “The Jedi have just made an attempt on my life.” When you see these four episodes, I think you have a better understanding of how he gets away with all of that, because you see how compromised the Jedi Council is. And these episodes aren’t just meant to get Ahsoka on her way, but they’re meant to explain in more detail the scene [in Revenge of the Sith] where Yoda, Mace, and Ki-Adi-Mundi are discussing arresting the chancellor, and what a gamble that’s going to be for them. Because you see that to the average Coruscant citizen who’s not impressed with this war or the Jedi anymore, they’ll see it as treason. It’s probably the arc that connects to the movies the most and has the most impact. I think that’s why it works on so many levels for me and is one of my favorite arcs, because it’s such a companion piece to the films.”

[libra-stellium]

Pluto in Aquarius - 12H Transit

Reflecting on Friendships

The last time pluto was in aquarius was March 23 - June 11 2023 and during that time was when a friend of 8/9 years ghosted me in early March and I tried to mend things during that 3 month period and the last time we had a conversation was June 10 2023 lol (we did tell each other happy birthday and thank you in Sept and Nov after that but no actual conversation)

Then this year pluto goes into aqua again on Jan 20 2024 and I tell a couple friends about how my TikTok FYP gets sooo many of her reposts about fake friends and hating people who aren’t confrontational and how nobody knows how to communicate lol so I liked one of them and they stopped! Then like 2 weeks later there’s a repost about getting confronted about reposts and how you can’t take anything online seriously 😂 but there’s been 0 reposts since so I think it worked 🤷🏾‍♀️

Then on Jan 29 I had a dream that I was in a groupchat with her and other people who I used to be friends with in college but my friendship with them didn’t make it past that so I guess they ended like 5 years ago? We would sometimes do group things but it quickly died down. They’re all still friends tho I think. Anyway so in this dream one girl sent a longgggggg ass message about all the things she hated about me 💀 (my dreams are always dramatic lmfao) and that girl who ghosted me was hearting the messages within seconds like she was right there when it was written!! Lmao message received!! I don’t think they actually hate me to this extent irl but I’m a Pisces rising so my dreams don’t lie 🤷🏾‍♀️

And this entire week I’ve been thinking about what I actually want out of friendships and that friendship wasn’t bad but it also wasn’t completely what I wanted in a friendship and I think I was holding on for longer than necessary bc nothing had happened between us so why end a friendship you know? And towards the end right before I was like “she ghosted me” I remember thinking why do I feel like I’m begging ? Lmao bc I would type a message and erase it like I felt she wouldn’t care about what I had to say. Which is weird bc I wasn’t saying anything out of the ordinary 😭 and I should’ve listened to that feeling more lol

I definitely want friendships with more care involved. I have a few friends I can have deep conversations with and who didn’t mind listening to me vent to them about what my narc mom was doing to me that week and I let them vent too. But like…while I was going through that no one asked me if I needed anything or if I needed help with anything it was just like yeah that sucks 😕 and that’s it. I was sick recently and one of my friends I told I was sick never responded to my message and then I go on IG two days later to see she’s on vacation with her bf and then she calls me when she gets back a week later and not once asked me if I was feeling better but immediately started talking about a situation with her bf 🙃 like okayyyyyy

So I think that’s def going to be a major Pluto in aqua theme for me. I just need to actually sit down and figure out what I want my friendships to look like.

I feel like I already do for them what I’m looking for so I know I’m not asking for a lot! And I did think about my people pleaser tendencies and it wasn’t even about that like someone sharing an achievement and me going “we should go here to celebrate!” But me sharing an achievement and just getting the congrats text with confetti and if I want to celebrate I gotta say I want to go celebrate let’s go here like 😀 and even for my bday last year I was fresh off no contact with my mom obviously distressed and no one offered any options for my bday when it was less than a week before and I was saying I literally have no idea what to do I’m overwhelmed they just kept asking did you plan it yet? So I ended up just picking a random place for brunch lol but it felt like too much to be like “can someone plan my bday for me?” 💀 my take on it is very if they wanted to they would

It’s 4:44

I think it relates to my family too bc from the way their lives have turned out I have this fear of not having any friends bc they don’t have any friends in their 50s 60s and continuously tell me how lonely it is and to make sure that never happens to me and to make sure I keep all my friends lol no pressure! But tbh the reason they don’t have any friends is bc I don’t think they were friends with those people to begin with they were just in proximity and they did not actually care about each other.

I wonder what’s going to show up between Sept 1 - Nov 19 2024 when Pluto goes back into cap and reenters aqua for the next 20 years bc my bday happens in that gap and there’s always something surrounding my bday!!

[missroller15]

okay okay okay hold on, while in sweet magnolias phase, I’d just like to acknowledge one thing I’ve seen spreading around through tiktok on this whole Annie/Jackson/Ty thing

There are some takes I’ve heard that apparently say 1) Jackson has always been the better choice and 2) Ty already lost his chance

Now this is no slandering to either ship as I did actually enjoy both (well one more than the other but anyways), lemme just rant.

For the first part, I can say with absolute certainty that Jackson was not always the better choice. Frankly, just taking into account his behavior in general towards anyone in S1 should immediately debunk this but to fully confirm this, he specifically targeted Ty and Annie. He sent the message to the baseball team, thus spreading the entire school, embarrassing her (+him) as well as mocking her publicly at prom. I know he’s remorseful for this later but it’s important to remember why the character development was necessary in the first place. So, yeah that’s just my two cents on that.

As for the ‘Ty already lost his chance’ take, I just have one simple statement on this: I don’t think he even knew he had a chance at the time.

And if you rlly wanna get analytical, I could as far as to argue, even if he had a notion of that (which I genuinely don’t believe he did esp in S1), it confused him far too much than he could handle at the moment with everything else going on in his life. I do believe he possibly had feelings right under his nose he didn’t seem to realize (bc let’s be real, when it comes to love, he’s super complicated)

Anyways as I was saying, the first detail that immediately made me question this was his obvious shock at the idea that Annie could like him. When he was talking about it with his friend, the way he described the events and how Annie got all weird like she liked him felt suspicious to me.

There are two ways I could see it: he’s so genuinely shocked at the idea of her liking him that mustered up some old feelings of his own or it’s just too weird to consider that this girl he’s known his whole life could have feelings for him.

(Well, it’s kinda similar but ya get me?)

Not even that but when all this happened after the dance, Annie was clearly intoxicated. What was true and what was just the alcohol messing with her brain? And on that note, I could even comment on their huge argument when Jackson sent the message + the conversation after church. Annie said time and time again that the kiss meant nothing and she just wasn’t thinking so what was he supposed to believe? What was he supposed to feel? The guy’s already got so much going on and dealing with these complicated emotions + situations might’ve just been a lot. I do think he’s had buried feelings since s1 but as an actual choice for Annie.. I don’t think he really realized.

So yup that’s just my whole rant on it all, I rather enjoyed doing this and I’ll probably add to it later b/c I feel like I’m missing so much and this isn’t even on S2 yet. Which I could also comment on hehehe. But also everyone plz refrain from yelling at me if I get any of this in accurate or a bit off, I’ve only seen this show once through and rewatched a couple scenes!

[trulyinspiringmovies]

M3GAN

“M3GAN” seems to be divisive depending on what you were looking for in this movie, but not consequential enough to be contentious.

Gemma is a roboticist who works for a toy company. After the untimely death of her sister and brother-in-law, Gemma is forced to be the guardian of their daughter, Cady. Gemma decides that Cady would be perfect for the new prototype she’s been working on. The prototype is a child-sized humanoid robot named M3GAN and is designed to be the ultimate toy, tasked with protecting its primary user. The problem is, M3GAN takes her job too far.

When I saw the trailers for this movie, I didn’t think much of it. It seemed generic to me since killer doll movies are extremely common. Hell, this isn’t even the first AI killer doll movie either. Like everyone, I thought the dance was quirky and then thought nothing of it. Apparently, the marketing for this movie has been insane. Every review for this movie I saw talked about how the M3GAN dance has been flooding their TikTok page. I don’t have TikTok, so I never saw any of this marketing. I also found out that the dance was performed at the Super Bowl, which was also something I didn’t watch. Needless to say, it’s clear the studio was more focused on internet virality, rather than coming up with a good reason for the movie to exist. The trailers basically give all the parts that are worth watching away. The violence was toned down dramatically, to the point where it made M3GAN less threatening. This was to ensure “M3GAN” would get a PG-13 rating, which also feels like a money-making ploy. The whole premise just felt like a hard sell to me because I couldn’t get behind the idea that this toy company would be ecstatic about a $10,000 toy after one demonstration. I also couldn’t get behind why they let Gemma just keep the prototype afterward to show off publicly. A lot of the praise for this movie comes from people who were convinced that this movie was a self-aware comedy. I’m not too sure about that. Sure, there are moments that had me blowing air out of my nose, but it wasn’t outright funny. With horror, I always expect some small level of comedy to balance out the bleak tone. This was just that to me. Small bits of necessary comedy to balance out the tone. It doesn’t really feel like “Scream” where the comedy is an intentional addition to the horror. There’s no real tension throughout the movie because this movie wasn’t interested in putting its main characters at any real risk. The movie does the bare minimum and then teases a potential sequel without properly ending the movie. It just ends abruptly. I think the annoying part is that the movie will inevitably get a sequel. I see discussions online about what they want to see in a sequel. The strong emphasis on marketing for this movie has made this movie extremely profitable. There’s no way that Blumhouse isn’t going to make this into a franchise. I just hope that when the sequel eventually does come out, they put in a little more effort than they did with this movie.

★★★

Watched on March 14th, 2023

[danielfuckingricciardo]

Get To Know Me Better :)

Thanks @vinvantae for tagging me!! I love doing these as I am incredibly vain lol

Relationship status: Painfully, agonisingly single

Favourite Colour(s): Orange, Pink and Black

Favourite Food: Pasta (of all kinds, but the simpler the better. Cacio e Pepe my beloved), kimchi ramen, nachos

Song Stuck In My Head: Either that one ‘Chrissy Wake Up’ remix from TikTok or ‘Our Last Summer’, specifically the version from Mamma Mia The Movie lol

Last Thing You Googled: Can I take Naproxen and Co-codamol together? (I am 90% painkiller and 10% human at this point lol)

Time: 11:42pm

Dream Trip: Spending a whole summer travelling around the Mediterranean. There’s so much I wanna see!

Last Thing You Read: This one doesn’t specify that it has to be a book so i’m gonna give the honest answer which is This fic by the wonderful @vinvantae

Last Book You Enjoyed Reading: Chernobyl by Serhii Plokhy

Last Book You Hated Reading: I don’t think I’ve ever really hated a book I read for pleasure? But tbh I hardly read anymore unless its non-fiction and it’s hard to hate a non-fiction book really.

Favourite Thing To Cook/Bake: I like making vegetable chilli, mainly because I know exactly how I like it and I know all the ingredients are fresh and tasty! I also like to just be able to throw on some fun music and sing my heart out while I chop various vegetables. When it comes to baking, not to blow my own trumpet or anything but I make an amazing Victoria sponge cake. With raspberry jam and fresh chantilly cream ah its delicious.

Favourite Craft To Do In Your Free Time: I like those diamond art kits because they’re repetitive and impossible to fuck up lol. I can just throw on my favourite album and get going without really having to think about it all that much! And you get something sick for your wall once you’re done too!

Most niche dislike: Slow walkers in public places who don’t move to the side to allow fast walkers myself the chance to overtake them. Like yeah, yeah I get it, we’re in a shopping centre for some leisurely shopping time, but also if you’re walking at like -2mph and blocking the entire path when I just want to yeet to Primark and get what I need then I should be able to execute you via firing squad. Sorry lol.

Do You Have Any Sense Of Direction: Once I’ve got my bearings in a place I’m usually pretty good. On road trips I usually earn the role of front seat navigator!

Tell Us About Your D&D Character: I don’t currently have an active character, however, I am currently planning a campaign for a few friends. It’s essentially a heist movie, set in a Vegas-like city. The party are approached by Charles (I stole all the names from F1 Drivers because why not, right?) who is the beloved prince of their nation. He reveals that he had lost his crown to the unscrupulous Lord Fernando in a game of magic poker. The party are tasked with stealing the crown back by any means necessary before the King realises what his son had done. So essentially a heist movie, but with magic users. And a vampire.

I genuinely don’t think I know anyone else who wasn’t already tagged when I was lol, so this is a completely open tag, wherever wants to do this, I give you permission!!!

[strangerrthingzz]

Just saw a YouTube short (I know, don’t get me started on YouTube shorts, or TikToks tbh) but anyway it asked who you’d save between Chrissy, Barb, Bob, Alexei and Eddie. Sadness aside (seriously, some of those deaths have been BRUTAL on my heart) I would probably save Eddie but I have my reasons!

I haven’t posted much about the new season on here and I’m genuinely sorry about that because I have many, many feelings but regardless here i am to discuss this and at the end if y’all read that far I’d love to know who you’d save!

So in short, I really feel like Barb’s death was plot advancement for Nancy to see a bigger problem. I feel like Bob’s death was a sacrifice for Joyce to not just want to escape the creatures but to want revenge, to feel something deeper. And although Alexei is the MOST PRECIOUS MAN I don’t think looking back his survival was expected?? (Don’t come for me, I’m purely talking reality there) and then lastly we all saw why Chrissy died, to expose the deeper problem that ultimately led to Eddie being sucked in to help in the fight against Vecna.

Which is great and all for Eddie but here’s why I’d save Eddie. Out of all of those deaths I don’t think Eddie’s death advanced plot as much as it advanced character development. Without Barb’s death for example we never would have met Murray, and we all know how integral Murray has become. But when Eddie died (although I can say yes, he died finally able to say he didn’t run and it was really touching for him to have a heroic moment) in my opinion it wasn’t necessary. Eddie’s death mostly advanced Dustin’s character development more than anything else, tbh. Now Dustin’s got another chip on his shoulder, he’s been brought down a touch more from his innocence (not that he had much left but still) and I just think it’ll continue to affect him even more so than anyone else that Eddie is gone, which is fine. I can see how it advanced Dustin’s character because they fought together and Dustin is constantly looking up to guys like Steve and Eddie for someone to be there for him, to help him when he needs it. And he needs a lot of advice and kindness and support (and he deserves it because he’s beautiful and precious!!!) and so losing Eddie will definitely have a toll on him.

But I don’t think developing Dustin’s character could only have happened with Eddie’s death. (And now as I’m typing this I’m thinking about other ways Dustin could have been developed, like an attack from Vecna or something and now I’m down a rabbit hole wondering if losing Eddie will make Dustin vulnerable to Vecna in the coming season and if I’ll be eating these words,) but since we aren’t there yet I’m just going to stick with what I’m saying here. Which is that I don’t think in the end Eddie needed to die, because the day was not saved, Vecna is still very much present and they all were just lucky to escape with their lives. The plot did not not advance, but it didn’t really advance from his specific death either. And now looking at the overall they’re just down one less person to help fight and I just don’t think it makes as much sense as it did losing the other characters. But again, I welcome everyone’s thoughts!

[mytruthandbeauty]

11 April 2023

Yesterday at the mini-mart which I often frequent when I don’t need to go to the big supermarket, as I was waiting in line there was a man and two small children ahead of me. A woman who was in front of him was being helped and when the cashier finished with her I expected the man to step up to the counter next, because he was clearly next in line. The little boy who was with him assumed the same thing as me, but the man motioned to him to step aside and he gestured to me to move forward instead. I was surprised but didn’t find this unusual, so I said mucho gracias and moved forward and placed my things on the counter. I loved this small kind gesture and I know it was given because of my gender and not my age because I’m told all the time that I don’t look my age. The civility that Mexicans often display to complete strangers is one of the charms of this place. They help with no thought of reward and they do it without being prompted. For me this is even more remarkable, because I’m a woman of trans experience and when this first happened, I’ll admit it was hard to accept. Mind you I’m not saying that this kind of thing always happens like when I’ve gotten on a crowded city bus I wasn’t always offered a seat and had to stand, so there is that, but in general I’ve found people here to gracious. I’ve watched these TikTok compilations called, If You’re an American living abroad, what’s the First time you realized that America really messed you Up? on YouTube and I have many examples of how America messed me up now that I moved abroad.

As a woman of trans experience healthcare access is vital to my continued health and on an every day basis what that means is that I need uninterrupted access to hormones. I had gone through the vetting process before I was approved to get hormone replacement therapy, so when I moved to Mexico I had been on estrogen for almost nine years. In the states you must have a doctor prescribe them to you and you must see this doctor periodically to have your prescription renewed. Now once you’ve been on them for a while and it’s been confirmed by your doctor that your levels are good and you are satisfied with your results I don’t see why you can’t just go to the pharmacy and purchase them without a renewed prescription from your doctor. It’s not like the doctor is just going to call it in to the pharmacy and you can then pick it up. No, you have to make an appointment, then physically see the doctor then the doctor contacts the pharmacy with your prescription and finally you can pick up your meds from the pharmacy. It’s a ridiculous time consuming and expensive process! I had researched the availability of hormones over-the-counter, otc, in Mexico before moving there and found to my surprise that I could in fact just go to the pharmacy ask for what I needed and purchase it otc no prescription necessary. Of course I still had to try it out in real life and when I did I was honestly a little nervous, but I didn’t have a problem. The brand was different and so was the quantity, but the product was the same, in fact it was better because it contained progesterone which in the states was sold separately. On top of this the price was a tiny fraction of what I would have paid as an uninsured customer in the states. My mind was blown! No wait time, no doctor visit, no prescription and a much less cost, talk about realizing that America had messed me up, well that was just one time of many. And on the subject of medicine I was able to get my hormones and other meds in Ecuador the same way and again the price was far below what they charge in the US. Honestly I only paid a little more than what I paid in the US with my Medicare prescription coverage and in Mexico and Ecuador I was uninsured. In both countries I’ve seen doctors for other concerns with very little wait time and on two of those occasions the doctors made house calls. The costs were not astronomical either and the most expensive was $60.00 USD. For one I had a blood panel done by a phlebotomist at my home and that was the most costly at $100.00 USD, but that was for a number of tests. I’m sorry, but the US healthcare system is a racket. One more point about how I realized how messed up the US is and then I’ll move on.

Here in Mexico I routinely see city police, transit police and the national guard and the national guard can be scary when you first see them. They are dressed in army fatigues with helmets and they carry assault rifles. When I first saw some drive by I didn’t know what to think and of course I thought something terrible was about to happen, but nothing did. They just calmly drove past in their specially designed pickup truck. I’ve even seen them patrolling the beach in small groups and they mind their business and don’t bother anyone. Back in the states the police always made me nervous, because before I transitioned I’d had police stop me arrest me for no reason once and pull their guns on me just because they didn’t like the way I looked I guess, because I wasn’t doing anything wrong. In all my life the only criminal thing I’ve done was enjoying marijuana recreationally and a few other drugs all when I was around twenty years old and that’s all. It’s such a relief to not be worried about the police, that they aren’t going to shoot me because they think I have a gun. I see them and they see me and everyone is fine.

[prefixsstars]

Tiktok audios that are perfectly fine but make me uncomfortable:

The one where it says, “If you be trash i’ll be the rubber band, if you’re the match i’ll be the fuse boom.” Something about that audio is very grating and I hate it. Especially the high pitched tone it doesn’t sound good at all. Too bad its used in every fucking tiktok. Can’t scroll without my ears getting assaulted.

The one where it says, “I think i’m gonna do a wrap around. Wrap around.” I don’t like the sloshing of the bottle in the back and his voice😭. Idk something about it has me ready to rip my ears off. Idc how true the tiktok is i’m not watching if it has that audio. Something about the audio is off like everything just feels wrong.

And those low quality sounds of project sekai songs piss me off so much. Like yea it’s funny sometimes but other times it really wasn’t necessary. I love low quality songs but the project sekai ones just do not sound good to me. They fuck with my brain in a bad way.

Bonus mention to the ifuudoudou and jishoumushoku mixed audio that came from hell. Literally unlistenable. Idk how they did it but they made ifuudoudou mid.

Idk why I put sm effort into this but it’s been on my mind for a bit and I wanted to get it out.

[anyasjournal]

Death to true crime! 

 are we truly after education on criminals or is that a vain excuse for our sick fascination? 

THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS DISSCUSSION OF MURDER AND BREIF MENTION OF RAPE PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE READING IF SUCH TOPICS UPSET YOU  

The 21st century has brought with it wave after wave of new technology and with that came social media, endless streaming and information at our fingertips. That has made it exceptionally easy for us to get to know whatever we want, see whatever we deem necessary and occasionally what we don’t, with the never-ending scrolling on TikTok and auto play on YouTube you’ll find the usual ‘fit-check’ and travel vlog but go deep enough into the internet and you face some much darker things.  

When I was around 10, I got an iPad, it was my introduction to the internet and I spent hours on YouTube watching whatever came up, it was before parents could even think of using blockers or screen time limits. Although most of my consumption was harmless some not so much, some instilled fears I still haven’t gotten over and some I’ll never forget. Now this isn’t to scare parents away from the internet and social media it is simply a conversation I think needs to be had and a necessary reflection on my own media consumption. Most of the videos I watched were makeup tutorials I’d never follow and video games I’d never play, through the makeup videos I found sfx makeup, people able to transform themselves into terrifying things, but I wasn’t afraid, that ignited in me my love for horror, something I still hold to this day, in my family I was the one who could watch any horror film and not be scared, sleep through the night after watching something that made you jump out of your skin. And because of this ‘immunity’ to horror I dove deeper into the pit and ended up where everyone seems to go, true crime, serial killers, cannibals and more. Even at my young age I knew my limit, I knew when to stop and for a while my interest in true crime remained just that, I’d know random facts about famous killers but never anything more. 

Despite this limit I put on myself I was still an incredibly paranoid person, I still am to this day, I’d check the house before I went to sleep make sure the doors and windows were locked, made sure I had an escape if needed. Looking back, I can see that all of this was most likely a side effect of this consumption I deemed normal. For years I never was too afraid of any true crime story or any serial killer, I watched all the videos, read all about them but still slept at night, lucky me. That all changed when I took a step over the line, my immunity against fear faltered and for the first time I couldn’t sleep all because I watched an interview and that lead me to the wrong pictures. I was 14 maybe 15 at the time, thinking I was mature for my age but I was still a kid, I was watching a video on YouTube probably an unsolved mystery and then looking over to the recommended saw an interview of a killer I’d heard of before but never looked into: Jeffery Dahmer, thinking nothing of it, thinking my immunity would protect me I watched it, I faced Ted Bundy and read endlessly about the Zodiac and knew all the canonical five of Jack the Ripper so why should this scare me? But there’s that old saying, curiosity killed the cat, and in this case it surely did.  

I clicked the video, it was a simple interview but Dahmer's eyes, his eyes terrified me, I didn’t know yet what he had done, he spoke to the interviewer calmly, eerily, I could feel my heart race, I needed to know, no I wanted to know what he did so as anyone could I looked it up, I saw the articles read them then I saw the pictures, pictures that I still see today in the back of my mind pictures I wished I’d never seen. My heart beating out of my chest my hands shaking I closed the tab, all the while the video playing the background, Dahmer's monotonous voice echoing in my brain, I couldn’t bear to hear it anymore, I felt nauseous, I felt afraid.  

After that I didn’t dare watch anything like that for a while, the occasional video or documentary crossed my path, but nothing could make me go back down the hole I’d fallen in. 

So why is it that I become so interested with true crime? Why did I fall down that hole? And if I came swimming back up gasping for air, how long till you do too? 

Often people claim their interest for such disturbing things comes from a simple need to know more or to educate themselves on true crime cases. But to me that argument is silly and wrong why would you want to educate yourself on the tragic death, torture or rape of a person, it isn’t because you need to know more it is because you want, this morbid curiosity has become so normalized its concerning. There are websites dedicated to leaked crime scene and autopsy photos or murder victims that people can look at without any censoring the links to these websites are shared in comment sections on TikTok, which is an app marketed to teens. Labelling this as just curiosity is damaging and could be seriously harmful it shouldn’t be taken lightly, and it shouldn’t be so normalized. 

Again I'm not saying any of this to scare people off the internet or shame those who are interested in true crime, it is simply something to think about or reflect on, looking at the actual crime scene photos or autopsy reports or even watching interviews can seriously affect you and your mental health, as much as we like to believe we are above it we are not, and if you're reading this thinking you aren’t afraid and I'm wrong true crime has no effect on you, you're probably the person this applies to most.  

If you see nothing wrong in the continuous consumption of morbid media and even illegally leaked photos or information, if this leaves you feeling nothing maybe you should really reflect because those photos are of real people who had families friends dreams jobs, they loved and were loved and you're looking at a photo of them dead without feeling anything, you are using the deaths of these people as entertainment to satisfy your so called curiosity, to put it simply t is wrong.  sure, maybe the photos are interesting and teach you more about the killer, they are still completely unnecessary to look at, there are hundreds of harmless documentaries thousands of articles and YouTube videos that you could watch to learn more but instead photos of dead mutilated bodies are what is deemed interesting, what is used to learn, that in my opinion is wrong. 

But you don’t have to listen to me, I'm no one to you but maybe just look at what you consume and how you react to it, look at who it affects and think of the people you are looking at yes, they are victims of your ‘favourite murderer’ but they were people who deserve to be remembered as more than just a victim, they deserve respect over your curiosity. 

It is no surprise the internet can be a dark place, I've been told that as long as I've been on the internet and I have no intention of stopping being on the internet and I'm not implying you should either, all I'm saying is watch what you consume it may not all be as surface level as you think there are lives affected by it beyond your screen. 

The morbid fascination and normalisation of true crime, especially in its extremes can lead people to much darker things and the consumption of such morbid things should be monitored or limited, I learned the hard way but I'm glad I learned. Again, I'm not saying you can’t be interested or curious but please be cautious and be respectful, the world is bigger than the internet bigger than our phones and we must remember that.  

There is a lot more I could say about this topic so there might possibly be a part 2 but if you have any of your own opinions, please let me know 

Thank you for reading.