#like I literally bought bones and all as soon as the movie news came out

[exbeaut]

Wild and Wicked Things, Francesca May

[tloujm]

Part XXVI: Giving Grief

Author’s Notes: This is the first chapter I’ve posted in months (literally since April). I don’t know if this is a full comeback. I have a few chapters in the drafts that need to be edited and formatted for posting but after that, I still plan on continuing the series bc my plan was always have a long fic. With no new content after part II of the game was released, my interest in the fandom waned but was always there. Now with HBO creating a show based off the game, as well as me being apart of the Pedro Pascal fandom, I think I will soon become more consistent in posting as new content gets released. I will say that at least half of what appeals to me for Joel is Troy Baker’s voice and while I love Pedro’s voice too, I know it won’t be the same. I still think Pedro will do the voice justice bc he can do a damn fine country accent as seen in the movie Prospect on Netflix. If you’re a fan of his and have Netflix, please go watch it!

Genre: Angst and Fluff

Summary: You and Joel reconcile and bond over Ellie and Sarah. 

Ship: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Joel waited for you to come home. He paced back and forth in the kitchen switching from holding the card and setting it down on the counter. He was eager to talk to you about this new revelation partly because he was nervous to have the other conversation with you. After a while of calming his nerves down, you still hadn’t come home. The sun had set an hour ago and Joel was ready to throw on his boots and go looking for you. 

Just as he laced them up, the front door opened. You walked in and immediately stopped because his body blocked you from walking in the house further. 

“Going somewhere?” You asked as you slid past him. He was a grown man and could do what he wanted, but the thought of him leaving to go do other things before the issue between you was resolved upset you. 

He reached back down to unlace his boots. “Not anymore. I was ‘bout to head out and find you.”

“Why?” You asked dryly.

“I’d been waiting on you to come home for a couple of hours. We gotta talk.”

“You’re right, we do. I was helping Wendy walk the kids home from the daycare; that’s what held me up. I’m here now, though.” You leaned against the back of the couch and crossed your arms. The stance you took reminded you of what Joel would do.

He walked into the kitchen and came back. “Kiddo made this for us.”

You took it in your hands. “When did she have time to make this?” He shrugged. Your fingers brushed across the drawing of the hat before finally opening it. “Oh my God.” She looked at you for a split second before looking back down at her signature. “Her name has been ‘Ellie’ the whole time.”

“I know.” He commented. 

“She never said anything. All of us have asked her.”

“Technically, she still hasn’t spoken her name, but I guess she wasn’t ready for that.”

“She wasn’t ready to let anybody in.” You said. He nodded in agreement.

“Until now.” He walked up to you and pointed to her name on the card. “She’s doing so good, this Ellie. I can only try to imagine the horrors that she’s seen out in the world before she came to Jackson, but whatever happened out there, it led her to us. I’m...It’s just nice to see her opening up to this place.”

You understood what he was trying to say. “Yeah, I’m proud of her too.” You walked past him and into the kitchen to hang the card on the refrigerator. Joel followed. This time, his arms were crossed.

“(Y/N), I meant it when I said I was sorry back there. I shouldn’t have said what I did.”

“If you didn’t mean it, you wouldn’t have said it.” You rebutted.

“I was upset with you because I expected you to react the same as me when Ellie climbed up that T-Rex, but I don’t want a carbon copy of myself. I love you and want to have a family with you because you are wise beyond your years, confident even if you don’t always think so, responsible even for things that aren’t your responsibility and most importantly, you’re level headedness. Where I have a tendency to lose my cool in certain situations, you are guided by this calm...patient sense of will that I envy.” He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, giving you the opportunity to say something. Seeing that you were still soaking in his words, he continued. “You’ll be a great mother. I saw it in the gentle way you juggled all those kids at the daycare. I saw it in the way you took care of Ellie the first day she came here. You’ll see though, if it’s meant for us to have a baby, how difficult it is to stop worrying. It didn’t stop when Sarah....even when I tried to push those feelings away. It doesn’t stop. I know she’s not her, but it’s hard for me to just stand by and watch her do something that could hurt her.”

“I wasn’t standing by, or at least that wasn’t my intention. I wanted to give her space. She’s so delicate, or maybe that’s my problem. I shouldn’t treat her like she’s some glass figurine. I just wanted her to grow comfortable with us by trusting her. Believe me, it wasn’t easy for me to do when there was nothing personally for me to go off of, but then I thought, she’s lived out there for God knows how long by herself. She’s not only seen things but has been able to survive things. It’s hard to see how clever someone is when they won’t let you in, but I knew she had to be to have made it this far. I get it though. I’ve never been a parent. I can only sympathize with your worries. I can not empathize with you until I’ve been where you have. I’m sorry too. I could have found a way to give her space without allowing her to be in such a dangerous spot. You must be disappointed in me.”

He moved up to you and placed his hands on your shoulder. “I’m not. Look at me. I’m not disappointed in you. She was both of our responsibilities earlier.” He brought you into a tight hug. “You’re right, she is smart. She felt comfortable enough to show a side of herself that no one else has seen. You know why? ‘Cause she felt safe around us. Despite the grief she put me through, it was nice to see her so happy.”

“I know it was, wasn’t it? I can’t believe she jumped though! I didn’t think she’d go that far.”

“At the end of the day, kids will be kids. It’s not an excuse to slack off on raising ‘em, but there's just a certain wild and carefree nature that every kid has. It’s instilled in their DNA or somethin’ and then it fades away as they get older, about the time their back starts to ache.” Joel chuckled as he explained. He kissed the top of your head before pulling away to get a good look at you. He made a face as if to ask if you were ok. You nodded. He took your hand and pulled you into the living room. You sat down next to him. “She reminds me of Sarah sometimes. Ellie’s about the same age as her. She ran me through the ringer, raising that one.” He chuckled at the memories. “I wouldn’t trade it in for the world, being her dad, but you shoulda seen the amount of grief she put me through. Especially being a single parent.” He wiped his hand across his face, letting it linger along the length of his neck. “One time, she snuck off to some skate park when I told her no. She was in this skateboarding phase. I bought her a customized skateboard for her birthday and she would practice using it up and down the driveway. She had barely learned that little flippy trick when she asked me to take her to the skate park. I told her no because it looked like it was for experienced skaters. I wanted her to practice more first. To say the least, she was mad at me. She told me she was staying after school for the science club, but she really went to the skate park with some friends. By the time I figured out where she was, I found her lying in the grass, holding her arm in pain. Turned out she had a hairline fracture in her...radius?” He pointed to the bone on his arm. You nodded that it was in fact called radius. “I grounded her for lying to me, but sometimes I wonder if I should have taken her to the park. I mean I’m no expert on skateboarding, but at least I could have been there to supervise; make sure she wasn’t on one of those tough looking ramps.”

“Did you ever take her skateboarding after she healed up?”

“After the cast came off, she switched interests to soccer. I installed a shelf on one of her walls to hang the skateboard on. Better that than being stuffed under her bed. Soccer was her life though. She made new friends from the team, won titles, learned tricks with the ball. Me and Tommy were regulars at her games. I was...am proud of her.”

You smiled as you envisioned his memories. “Did she give you grief with that as well?”

He nodded in an exaggerated way. “Oh yeah, but I’m sure I used to give her grief too.” You lifted your eyebrows with desire for him to elaborate. “I may or may not have argued with the coach and ref on a few occasions regarding plays.”

“You never dated any of the soccer moms?” You teased.

He scoffed. “Most of them were married and the ones who weren’t, I sent Tommy’s way instead. He wasn’t mad at it.” The two of you chuckled. “I did flirt with a few, married or not, so I could get my hands on some of their homemade baked goods.”

“I was under the assumption that soccer moms made food for everyone.”

“They did, but I still wanted a few more cupcakes for the ride home.” He admitted as you laughed. “Listen, I had a busy life. I didn’t have much time to hone my baking skills, so it was nice to be able to have homemade cakes and cookies for a change.

“Well, if you wanted cookies, that’s all you had to say! I can show you how to bake right now.”

“It’s late.” He reasoned.

“It’s never too late to feed your sweet tooth.” You rebutted as you pulled him back into the kitchen.

[sadachmesarthim]

C-cowboy starker? What if cowboy starker, I mean? I think... cattle driver Tony maybe, and ranch hand Peter,,, always wanted to write about this but I’m shy 🙈

mid-writing edit: i’ve spent half an hour on this and my computer is literally lagging with how fast i’m typing. i really hope this makes sense because holy shit, i love cowboy starker. anon, i need you in my inbox every single fucking time you have an idea about starker. idk if it’s in passing, idk if it’s super fleeting and doesn’t make sense. anon, you are my muse

ohhhhh my god anon i ,, love this idea so much i’ve actually thought about this a bit ngl you don’t even know how much i like western aus

okay so hear me out:

i’m thinking brokeback type shit, right?? but just a tad different like be honest who doesn’t like the whole bbm trope yfm and twink jake gyllenhaal is my baby okay okay okay sorry babe i’m still crossfaded as fuck and i could talk about that movie for days anyway back on topic

- no okay but think of it - tony, he’s recently divorced and morgan, his baby girl, his one and only daughter, she’s 19 now and seeing this absolute gentleman of a roughneck. his house is empty, he isn’t paying child support anymore, he doesn’t have this bitchy redhead on his ass 24/7 about getting a job in the city

- because tony hates the city, hates that his father dragged them away from the mountains and prairies he remembers from his childhood. hates what the city gave him - black eyes and mean names and disappointed parents

- so tony high tailed it the fuck out of dodge the second he turned 18. abandoned school, abandoned his family, took his beat up ford out to montana and disappeared. married this nice girl, virginia pepper, worked construction to support her while she went to school. had a pretty baby girl a year or two later. moved both of his girls out to a ranch he bought with their tiny savings, got a couple’a cows and a horse and made friends with a neighbor with a bull

- but eventually, pep had bigger dreams. they were both young when they got married, didn’t look past the immediate sexual compatibility to see that their futures were well and truly not going to go well together

- so she left the ranch, took morgan with, and made her way to the city. became some big lawyer or doctor or businesswoman or something, tony didn’t know. didn’t really care because the child support invoices still came every single month like clockwork. 

- so instead of focusing on his distant daughter and his ex wife that wouldn’t listen to him and his family that just... didn’t understand, he threw himself into the wildlife around him

- became closer with those neighbors that had a bull. eventually came to an agreement and let him free with his girls

- built a very solid herd of highlanders in a handful of years, slowly attracting the attention of more and more owners wanting to trade, to buy, to sell 

- and maybe one year, he realizes, he’s in a bit too far over his head with this. he has 100 of these four legged fuckers, he has 50 acres to take care of by himself, he has horses to feed and shoe and groom. he has fields to plant and water and harvest if he wants to feed any of the animals mentioned above

- so he reaches out to his neighbors, puts feelers out and sees if anyone knows a farmhand who’d want to help him out, maybe live on the property full time for a bit. and when he gets a call back his heart breaks a bit, because oh my god he wasn’t prepared for this

- a kid, can’t have been more than morgan’s age, has responded to him, and he’s good with his hands mr. stark, and he knows his way around animals mr. stark, been takin’ care of ‘em for his whole life now mr. stark 

- and this kid is ,, he sounds so innocent and sweet there’s no way tony’s gonna say yes before he actually meets him 

- so tony gives the kid his address, tells him to come out and give things a once over before he makes his mind up

- so peter does. he comes out, introduces himself, looks around the property with tony. and tonys heart hurts, because this kid, this kid that’s standing right in front of him, is almost skin and bones and looks like he’s about to crumble into dust and blow away in his hands

- he brings peter into the house, brings him coffee, offers him food. even after peter politely declines he brings over some bread to share, maybe a slice of pie?? maybe tony can cook and bake. he has a sweet tooth after all, and he’s been on his own for the better part of two decades. 

- and he really gets to know peter. they sit, they talk, until the sun dips down and the open mountain chill takes over them

- and peter tells him that he’s been on his own for a couple of years, that his parents died when he was young and that his aunt and uncle took him in on their ranch. that he grew up around animals, working, helping out

- but when they died the property was repossessed by the bank and peter’d all but ran with ben’s keys and the clothes on his back. he’s been on the road ever since, going from missouri to texas to wyoming to montana, all in search of work, never staying in one place longer than a few months. 

- he doesn’t tell tony that he’s secretly so, so tired of life on the road. doesn’t say how elated he was when he heard someone was looking for a fairly long-term live in farm hand. because that’s something he knew, something he was good at. 

- he also doesn’t tell tony that his heart skipped several beats in a row the second peter laid eyes on him, and that he really wants to work for the gorgeous man in front of him

- it’s finally dark, his coffee cup is long empty and abandoned and peter’s just spilled nearly every single deep dark secret he’s ever had. tony’s closing the windows, and peter makes for the door. he’s taken up enough of this beautiful kind man’s time, he should leave before he stays even further past his welcome

- but tony’s stopping him, blocking him from the door, lightly grabbing his wrist and turning peter to face him fully

- and he’s asking begging pleading  telling peter he should stay, that the spare room upstairs is warm and not going to be used anytime soon. that he still needs a farmhand and, as he sees it, peter’s already here

- secretly, tony can’t stand to see him leave

- he couldn’t handle letting his man this... kid, really, leave. not when tony could provide for him. not when he could feed him until his edges soften and his cheeks round out and his tummy gets squishy. not when he could work him into a sweat outside, watch that paperwhite skin turn a rich tan under the summer sun

- not even when he realizes the sudden care for the orphan in front of him is slowly becoming less familial, less platonic, and more... instinctual. base. greedy. 

- because who better to make sure this kid is looked after than tony? tony, who has work-worn hands and time-softened eyes and cooking skills any bachelor would die for

- it’s honestly not even that shocking to him when peter says yes

- not when he takes his hand off the doorknob and immediately turns, immediately breathes out a “yes, yes of course mr. stark, thank you so much mr. stark, i’ll do whatever you need me to, you’re incredible mr. stark”

- and it all immediately goes to tony’s dick head because fuck, that was not the intended reaction but it was absolutely welcome, what the fuck

- so tony takes him upstairs, gets peter settled in the guest bedroom right across from his own

- and when he goes to bed that night he absolutely does not touch himself while thinking about the barely 20something thats maybe 10 feet away. doesn’t think about what peter said earlier, with tony’s hand wrapped around his wrist

- absolutely doesn’t cum with peter’s name on his lips, biting down on his knuckles so peter doesn’t hear

- and peter absolutely doesn’t cum with three fingers in his ass, tears streaming down his face, listening to the creaking mattress springs and heavy breathing from across the hall. of course he doesn’t

- and of course they don’t get along well. of course not. of course they don’t work together like they’re telepathically connected, not even needing to speak to know what the other is thinking. it’s like peter can read his mind, knowing exactly what needs done when

- but it’s not just tony. peter can tell before anyone else when the farrier needs to be called. when one of the girls is pregnant, even before she starts showing. knows when one of the cattle dogs has a hurt paw without even seeing him. can tell when it’s going to rain, so he knows whether or not it’ll be a good day to cut the alfalfa fields

- it’s a little freaky to be honest but tony doesn’t hate it. it’s really useful with everything on the farm, and it’s... it’s nice. having someone that can so effortlessly understand him. 

- it’s also like peters... totally unaware of it. like he doesn’t even know he knows things he shouldnt know. which blows tony’s mind even more. 

- it kinda turns him on, and he finds himself with his hand around his cock wondering if peter knows he’s getting off thinking about him. like, more than once. maybe even more than once a week. definitely more than once a week. 

- and maybe peters kind of catching on, a little. that maybe his feelings toward his employer/landlord/new friend are shared

- it also doesn’t help that he gets uncontrollably aroused every time tony goes to bed. like. every... single... time...

- peter always knew he was.. attentive. but he didn’t know it would manifest as literally feeling tony’s arousal through the fucking walls

- and it doesn’t help that peter’s filling out. he’s getting darker as the months get warmer, he’s getting significantly more meat on his bones now that he’s eating more and working more

- and it really doesn’t help that tony is getting eyefuls of the half naked ranch hand almost 24/7. it’s really not his fault that peter works better without a shirt on

- and maybe it comes to a head one day. maybe they’re picking up alfalfa bales from one of the fields and they stop to take a break and tony just ,, can’t handle sweaty, tan, barely-a-twink-anymore peter.

- and peter can feel it, with his ,, unique senses, that tony’s watching him. like, a lot. like, way more than normal even 

- so he decides to play it up a bit. he takes his shirt off, he throws his gloves in the bed of the truck and balls the tee in his hands, wiping his face off with it and sighing deeply

- and he knows tony saw that because he could fucking hear tony’s breathing change and he smirks a little bit, because that’s enough confirmation for him to know for sure

- so he looks up, and he meets tony’s eyes, and they’re wild and feral and tony looks like one of the wolves that tried to take out one of their cows last winter - hungry and ready to devour what was in front of him

- and peter just looks at him, a little incredulous, and finally speaks up: ‘you gonna get over here ‘n kiss me, or what?’ - and tony fucking breaks

- he turns the truck off and slams the door when he gets out, grabbing peter by the neck and fucking dragging him against tony’s clothed body

- “do you know what you’ve been doing this whole time?” 

- of course peter does, tony, you fucking moron. he knows and he’s been trying to get you to rip him to shreds, dumbass. you’re just oblivious

- but tony still can’t help but see the tiny young man that walked up on his doorstep those years ago, can’t help but want to protect him and keep him safe and warm and fed 

- so of course tony wanted to go slow, and wanted to be gentle with peter

- but pete was having fucking none of that, because oh my god tony i’m not 19 anymore please just fuck me already and been wanting you for way too long and please tony just--  and he grabs tony’s hand and makes him squeeze even harder

- and it’s hot, and it’s messy, and it’s not even really sex, just them rutting and grabbing and jerking each other off up against the door of tony’s truck, belt buckles undone and jeans just barely tugged down

- and tony’s basking in it, watching peter’s eyes screw shut and his pretty plush lips open and the little ‘aah, nngh fuck, tony’s that push their way from his throat

- and he knows, the second they’re done here, they’re abandoning their work for the day and he’s taking peter back to the house and he’s going to show him what this is like for real, what it means to be touched with intention and love and emotion behind it - not just a quick handjob standing in the hay field

- and he does. he worships peter’s body when they get back to the house

- he kisses every single part of him, nips at the tiny bit of excess fat on his stomach and thighs and hips, relishing in the fact that peter is his, his to take care of, his to keep safe and healthy and happy

- and eventually, the guest room opens up again. peter’s stuff slowly moves into tony’s room. he stops getting paid, but that’s okay

- because why would you get paid to work on your own farm? 

[ihatetaxes99]

A Brief Retrospective Look At MVA (In The Anime)

Well. Here we are. Every end of the time is another begun. After what has felt like years of anticipation (mostly because it actually has been years), My Villain Academia has been fully animated. Well, "fully" may be the wrong word here, but that's something I'll get into later.

To honour the end of the arc, I decided to do two things: One, I re-read the entirety of the arc in the manga all in one sitting; Two, I rewatched all five episodes of the anime's adaptation back to back once again. My life is pain and I know not of sleep. Anyway, the reason I did this is because of a little project I proposed to myself back just before the first episode aired; Once MVA was done and dusted, I would go back and give my own retrospective on the whole thing. Because why the hell not, sounds like fun. This will also hopefully be less emotional than my thoughts I shared as the episodes were still airing, but who knows?

So, let's begin. And I wish to start by stating that My Villain Academia is my absolute favourite arc in the manga. It did a lot of things right. It focused entirely on my favourite faction, the villains. It offers a glimpse into their lives and goes a long way in humanising them, particularly Spinner and Shigaraki. It sets up key points for others too, such as Mr. Compress' habit of thinking more about the bigger picture than the others, which would factor into his major reveal during the Paranormal Liberation War and of course the formation of the Front itself. It introduced us to Rikiya Yotsubashi, one of my favourite characters in the manga, even if he honestly peaked in this arc and was never as good again. And it gave us a large-scale, grueling fight for supremacy in which I found myself actively rooting for the League. It is, in my mind, the very best of BNHA, the only arc I would want them to do well in the anime. They could screw up literally everything else and I would be happy if MVA was even just as good as the manga, it didn't even need to be better. I would have been delighted to have an excuse to experience the arc all over again, seeing my favourite moments with the sublime soundtrack and voice acting.

Yeah… 

But before I get to that, let us take a little trip of sorts down memory lane to see the road to MVA, what led to it. So, 2021 rolls around. What a fun year. It's just 2020 without the excitement of everything being so uncertain, and frankly it's been really fucking boring as a year. However, BNHA Season Five was announced. In February, we get the first trailer for the upcoming season. It's... It's fine. Obviously, it focuses heavily on the Joint Training Arc (in fact, that is all it shows) and although I despise that arc with a passion, it's not too bad. I had not watched the anime since Overhaul ended, so my plan was I just wouldn't watch JTA and would wait until the big attraction, MVA. And so, Joint Training starts. And it goes on. And on. And on. I checked back almost two months later to discover it still wasn't over yet. Now I found this odd. Joint Training Arc was horrible for many reasons, but the big one was that it dragged on for so long as a result of Horikoshi's health complications, which is by no means his fault. But, surely the anime, which would consistently release on a weekly basis, wouldn't have the issues associated with this. Episodes of BNHA have always encompassed around three to five chapters, and Joint Training's were shorter than usual, so why was it taking more than ten episodes to adapt it? 

Very strange, but I didn't question it much. Then, the key visuals released, confirming that MVA was at the very least happening. Great, wonderful. I love it. We've got the whole gang there, seeming like they're in Deika, looks pretty good.

Wait, did I say whole gang? Yeah, my bad, there was someone missing. Spinner. Now, I am not the biggest Spinner fan so I wasn't prepared to riot over his exclusion like I would have been if Compress wasn't in it. But this was starting to get strange. Spinner was the main narrator of MVA. Even if his importance was not on the level of Shigaraki, Twice and Toga, it was certainly more than Dabi and Compress, who did both appear in the art. Why was he excluded? Obviously, I bet you're all having a good old chuckle to yourselves right now because in retrospect, this makes perfect sense now.

Alright, then. I heard from a friend around June time that Joint Training was finally over. Awesome, great, time for the good stuff- why is there a Christmas episode here?

Yes, this was probably what really started to get the alarm bells in my mind going. The Christmas episode- in June. Very, very strange. Also, absolutely no mention of Rikiya, which even if they were reshuffling things, I would have expected him to appear in the episode of Bakugo and Todoroki getting their licenses, since it directly ties in. Concern levels rising, I shrugged it off and waited for next week.

Bam. Major reshuffling. Now, Endeavour Agency comes first, fuck you if you want context for who the hell the PLF are or the significance of Destro's memoirs. This was really starting to worry me now. I told myself that the key visual meant that MVA had to be happening, but it was starting to seem like the villains were being shafted. A fact not helped by the new OP.

Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to complain or whine, but season five's second OP is just bad. The music is fine, I have no problem there. But the visuals are just awful. Not only is there an extended focus on that stupid bloody trio of Midoriya, Bakugo and Todoroki, not only is there more screentime given to characters who don't appear in MVA or EA than the main cast of the former, but the animation itself is just so stiff and lacking. It had potential, but the visuals are the worst out of any recent anime opening I've seen in a good few years and this was what got me really panicking.

Boom, a beach episode smack in the middle of Endeavour Agency to promote the upcoming movie. Boom, adapting two chapters per episode during EA. Boom, the Shirakumo episode, which I always thought was part of the War Arc and not EA. But finally, mercifully, the title leaks came and it was revealed that episode 20 of season five would be the start of MVA.

20. Out of 25. And it was pretty obvious that they weren't going to end the season with MVA, so really, up to 24. Ohhh no…

But hey, I'm an optimist sometimes. I was excited to just finally be clear of all this nonsense and get to the real good stuff. Hell, in preparation, I watched the entirety of the season up to that point. I finally realised why JTA took so long and it's one of the most depressing things I've ever learned, in a bad way. Were all those flashbacks really necessary? EA was okay, as someone who as a manga reader, already had the necessary context for the PLF stuff. The beach episode, I watched half of, got too bored and skipped the rest of. And you know what, I liked the Shirakumo chapters. They weren't as good in the anime, but it was nice to see.

And then, finally, in comes episode one of My Villain Academia, on a cold, dark August morning. I even bought Crunchyroll Premium to watch it as soon as possible, I was excited. All the messing around, all the crap, it was finally over and the time had come to enjoy what this season was really all about.

I can now safely say why Bones kept pushing back MVA, because if I was them, I would be embarrassed to show this.

No, that's not fair. I promised I wouldn't get too snarky, so let's reek things back in. As a whole, MVA has been… fine. Just fine. Not good enough to justify the bullshit, but not horrendous (mostly.) In fact, right now, I'll give a ranking of the episodes, my worst to best:

5) Episode One 

4) Episode Two

3) Episode Three

2) Episode Five

1) Episode Four

Yeah. So, there's a clear pattern here, that things more or less got better as time went on. From just straight up bad, to still not great, to alright, to the final two episodes being what I would comfortably call good. This is not a good look. I'm sorry, but Episode One, an episode that I just called bad, is still one of the season's best in spite of that. That spells out awful things for this season as a whole. But what exactly made this such a disaster?

Well, cut content is the big thing. MVA in the anime cuts out:

The League's battle with the CRC

Their struggle with poverty

The sushi joke setup

All of Spinner's character

All of Rikiya's character, including most mentions of Detnerat and Miyashita

Fairly integral pieces of Skeptic's character

Most of Giran's integrity and bravery

This doesn't look too bad at first. It could be far worse. We got basically everything else from the arc, so what? Well, I would already be annoyed about all of these cuts, but the issue is that they cause a knock on effect. Without the establishment of the League's poverty, the payoff of Toga's duffle coat now makes no sense. Without the setup of Spinner's characterisation, his battle with Hanabata now feels hollow. Rikiya's surrender to the League now makes even less sense, as his love of human life and desire to cause no more death is completely non-existent. The first time Rikiya being a CEO is mentioned is in the closing minutes of the arc. The sushi scene is hamfisted into a two second flashback just so that the payoff makes some sort of sense, but again, it is hollow without it being at the start (this is also the first mention of the League's poverty and it literally happens just as they are freed from it.) Can you see how these little seemingly unimportant cuts spiral into bigger problems? I would have been pissed even if they hadn't caused some tremendous cascades, but the fact that they did just makes this from a subjective issue to an objective one.

Yes. They did some things well. Toga's backstory is mostly intact, SMP is just as satisfying as the manga, Tenko's backstory is one of the best things the anime has ever done, the awakening is very well done, I adore the PLF formation as much as I did in the manga. Everything important is intact, but as I keep saying, you cannot just keep the bare minimum and expect it to work. How about in the next arc, they decide to cut everything involving Bakugo out, and only keep him jumping in front of Midoriya because it's the only absolutely necessary thing he does in the arc? People would be pissed, and it's the same thing that's happening here. It's a problem, it's not just a bad adaptation, it leads to bad storytelling in general.

The animation. Now, I do not believe this is a be all, end all. BNHA's anime is never going to look as gorgeous as Horikoshi's art, that is a fact and I do not begrudge them for that. They have a week to draw hundreds upon hundreds of frames, it's not a process that lends itself well to good looks and the animators and artists do their best with what they have. This does not change the fact that it is extremely hit or miss. Some things, Tenko's backstory in particular, look fantastic. Other things, mostly every action scene, make me laugh at how bad they can look and some things, particularly Twice and Re-Destro's hideous designs in the anime, make me cringe. The lighting is also an issue. Garaki's lab looked fantastic, but every other scene is just boring mid-afternoon with dull, basic lighting. I don't expect huge detail, but sometimes, it fails to achieve competency and as an extremely popular show, I don't think that's okay. I don't blame the animators, I blame the higher ups. And while I wouldn't mind the poor animation and art in an MVA that at least has all the story content, this does not have that and so I am even harsher than I would have been.

MVA was rushed. That's not up for debate. It took forever to get to it and once it came, things moved so quickly that they gave me whiplash, with no time to think or lament. Now, this could be attributed to the story structure of the arc, which is essentially a series of big fights, and it just isn't as bad in the manga because I can stop at any time to catch my breath. But I think it's worth noting that the anime at least highlights these issues. Curious dies in the same episode where she first appears, really driving home how pointless she was in the end. Episode Two alone tries to cover everything from the journey to Deika up until Jin finding Toga's body. That's a lot of content to fit in one twenty minute period and it was bound to feel messy in the end. I will say that, much like everything aside from the animation, this did get better as time went on, with episodes three, four and five adapting more reasonable amounts of content, compared to one giving us almost nothing and two giving us too much.

At the end of the day, that was it. The show's over. MVA has been closed in the anime. It will never be given a chance to improve, to go from just fine to anything even close to the manga. Why did this happen? I don't think we'll ever truly know. Some blame the new movie, others the studio's lack of faith in the villains, and there are those who say that it's just how fate turned out. I personally think it's a combination of all of these things. Without the movie, that beach episode wouldn't exist, giving more time to MVA, without the studio's hesitation, we'd perhaps get stuff like an actual good OP and perhaps some more general hype for it (I mean, MVA didn't even get a trailer.) Whatever the reason is, we got what we got. My verdict is something that's very overplayed as of late, but seriously, just read the manga with the fantastic soundtrack playing in the background. The anime's adaptation of MVA is not worth the time investment, when you could read the manga in roughly the same length of time and get more content, a more coherent plot and beautiful artwork.

So, what may come next for Season Six? I don't know. Season Five has definitely been one of the most unpopular seasons in the anime, with a lot of people speaking out against it, but this mostly seems to come from the Western fanbase, so it's up in the air if Bones will learn from their mistakes. Since they'll have a full season to do presumably the War and Rouge Deku arcs, then I feel like they'll put on a better show. But we just don't know. Spinner had his spotlight stolen this time around, will Compress suffer the same fate in Season Six? Dabi and Toga will probably be handled well, since they have inexplicably high amounts of popularity, but with his own lack of recognition rivalling Spinner's, I can see Sako ending up much the same way. Time will tell, I suppose.

[jungshookz]

so did ballet jimin and y/n get any... closer on valentines day?? I know that you said you would never write a full fic on them but we the audience would like to see them finally get together or a smut 😔🥺

y/n can barely look jimin in the eye right now so i wouldn’t expect any sMUT any time soon but here’s a suRPRISE DRABBLE-

➺ pairing; park jimin x reader

➺ genre; balletteacher!jiminiverse!!! fluff :-)

➺ wordcount: 1.6k 

➺ what to expect; just because he’s single doesn’t mean he has to be so bitter on a day that’s dedicated to expressing your love for your significant other.

➺ readings: part one; part two 

➺ note; every time i tell myself the balletteacher!jimin storyline isn’t going anywhere my brain spazzes and couGhs out another chunk of the story so i’m retracting my statement of ‘i’m never going to give them a fic’ and replacing that with ‘idk????? mAYBE????? but IDK!!!!!! probably not but also probably yES??’ ok bye please accept this short drabble that’s too long to be a baby drabble  

                                 »»————-　♡　————-««

jimin completely forgot about the existence of valentine’s day because:

a) why the hell would he remember it in the first place and

b) there literally is nO point of valentine’s day??

like why can’t you prove your love to your significant other on any other day??? why does it have to be february 14th specifically??

so yeah that’s his general take on valentine’s day

the only good thing to come out of valentine’s day is the next day when all the chocolates and candies go on sale

one of his guilty pleasures are those decadent chocolate-covered strawberries

he thinks there should be a day dedicated to eating chocolate-covered strawberries

now thAT he would celebrate and cancel class for

but valentine’s day?

hAH

nope

basicaLLy you guys usually come in three times a week (monday, wednesday, friday) and valentine’s day just so happened to fall on a friday which, in his defence, is completely out of his control

and yeah he knows that some of you were disappointed to find that he hadn’t cancelled class but he aLso knows that no one’s going to pipe up and argue with him because you’re all terrified of him

with that being said he does feel a teeny bit bad

before class on wednesday he heard a couple girls talking about how they had to cancel their plans with their significant others and how it suCked that they were going to be stuck here dancing all night instead of going to the movies or going to a nice dinner oR getting laid lol

unrelated: he noticed that you didn’t contribute anything to the conversation when everyone was going around sharing what their would-be valentine’s day plans were

either you’re very secretive or you’re single

and he’s hoping it’s the latter

which he thinks is 98% the case because of the incident (“i would 100% love to sit on park jimin’s face because i, y/n y/l/n, am 110% attracted to him.”)

anyways

yeah

he felt a liTTLe bad

just because he’s single doesn’t mean he has to be so bitter on a day that’s dedicated to expressing your love for your significant other

…which is why he bought a dozen single-stemmed roses aNd he tied a little satin bag containing two hershey kisses to each rose

at first he was just going to get everyone red roses but then he thought that thAt was crossing a line of professionalism so then he settled on light pink

to be honest he felt a little silly on the drive to class because he feels like doing this is going to make him seem less authoritative and make you guys leSS scared of him

but it’s fine

he’ll just yell at someone and then his power will fall right back into his hands

“now, i’m well aware that today is valentine’s day.” jimin clears his throat as he sets the basket full of roses down on the ground

he can see all of your eyes flicking in between him and the flowers

“and i know that some of you had plans tonight that had to be cancelled because of class,” jimin continues on and notices you getting up on your tip toes to peek over lisa’s shoulder at the basket

cute :’)

wait what

uh

he means.,,. um,..,

noTHING

“contrary to popular belief, i do have a sympathetic bone in my body.” that gets a chuckle out of some people but everyone shuts up promptly when jimin raises a brow

“so everyone gets a rose and some chocolates from me as a…” jimin pauses and thinks for a second “as an i’m-sorry-happy-valentine’s-day hybrid… gift? i’m also giving you twenty minutes to sit around and… talk… to each other, or… whatever it is you do when i’m not around.”

he clears his throat again

he can see the confusion swimming in everyone’s eyes

god

why is being nice so HARD

“what i’m saying is that today is… less about dancing - we’ll stiLL be dancing i’m not saying that class is cancelled - and more about… i don’t know. being… together? i guess?” he reaches up to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly

…

coughs

“you know what, just- just talk amongst yourselves while i hand these friggin flowers out. dispErse.” jimin flicks his wrist and everyone immediately relaxes from the stiff first position you have to stay in when jimin’s talking

“i’m not gonna lie, that was painful to watch.” wendy mutters under her breath and you stifle a giggle

“aw, give him a break, he’s trying to be nice for once!” ailee teases as a couple of you get settled on the ground

it is actually really nice of him to do this

the nicest thing he’s ever done for the class was that one time he extended the mid-class break by one minute

you’re barely paying attention to the conversation because your eyes keep wandering over to jimin as he hands out the flowers to everyone

most of the girls are getting all blushy and giggly before they’re curtseying to him

as he approaches your group you scramble up from the floor before you get the chance to fix one of your leg warmers (they’re heaRT patterned!!!!!) so now one is pulled up the other one is still pushed down

but it’s too late to fix it because mr park is here so

“thank you, mr park.” seulgi offers him what yoU think are painfully obvious bedroom eyes and you resist the urge to scoff

of course you can’t call her out on it because then she’s going to say something about how you’re just jealous because you have a crush on him blah blah blah

which you DO but you’re not planning to actually admit that to anyone anytime soon

you’re still trying to get everyone off your back about the incident

right now everyone thinks you only said you had a crush on jimin just to get seulgi to pipe down and you’re just going with that because you can’t imagine the merciless teasing if people find out you actually like jimin 

the jokes have died down a little bit but everyone’s going to remember that day for the rest of their lives

like the other day jisoo came to class wearing a new lipstick and you said it was pretty on her and then she proceeded to ask if she was pretty enough for you to want to sit on her face  and everyone found that hiLARIOUS

“-i hope you don’t mind, miss y/l/n-“ you straighten up when jimin gets to you

“sir?” 

you almost let out a fond sigh when he smiles lightly at you 

he’s just so unbelievably handsome 

you’re the last in line and everyone else is (as instructed) talking amongst themselves anD enjoying their chocolates

“there weren’t enough pink roses in the store…” jimin trails off and you let your eyes drop for a split second

oh

well

that’s okay!

it’s the thought that counts

you try to hide your disappointment but jimin notices the way your shoulders droop just a tiny bit

“which is why i got you a lavender one. i know it’s not a traditional colour, but…” jimin presents you with the baby purple rose and you feel your entire boDy spring back to life

suddenly you feel your cheeks tingling with heat and your heart starts to pound in your chest as you accept the rose from him

“it’s very pretty, mr park. thank you.” you smile politely and give it a sniff

roses always smell so goOd

“ah- uh, yes. you’re welcome.”

“happy valentine’s day, mr park.” you blurt out before you can stop yourself and your eyes widen a little bit

oops

was that inappropriate?? 

because it felt inappropriate even though today is literally valentine’s day

and it looks like jimin wasn’t expecting that either considering the slight flush on his face

you’re about to start apologising profuSELY and you’re [this] close to returning the rose before he-

“…happy valentine’s day, miss y/l/n.” he smiles fondly and falters for a second before nodding once and walking off

“god, you can tell these are the expensive roses, too.” seulgi sighs as she gives her flower another heArty whiff

“ooh, i found it!” jisoo raises her phone and everyone turns to look at her

class ended ten minutes ago and everyone’s packing up now and wendy was wondering what light pink roses represented just out of curiosity so jisoo volunteered to look it up 

“associated with gentleness and admiration, light pink roses lets the receiver know that they are a pleasure to behold – an indication of joy. light pink roses can also be used to express sympathy and saying thank you.” everyone immediately bursts into coos of adoration

“oh my god, he’s so sweet…”

“i think i’m, like, actually in love with him!”

“when he handed me my rose i actually considered breaking up with my boyfriend-“

“oh my god sAME-“

you make sure your rose is tucked safely away in your duffle bag before you pull your phone out

time to do your oWn google searching

aH

okay

here it is 

‘the lavender rose is often a sign of enchantment and love at first sight. those who have been enraptured by feelings of love and adoration have used lavender roses to express their romantic feelings and intentions.’

you swallow thickly as you feel your heart flutter in your chest

oh boy

(jimin just hopes you bought his excuse)

(of couRSE the store didn’t run out of light pink roses)

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

requested drabbles masterlist

[a-crash-in-time-collection]

Chapter 1: The Crash

She was floating in space. Only it didn't seem like normal space, which she knew all about. It seemed to shine with different colors. She couldn't move much, it was almost as if she was forced into her current position. Voices of old filled her head. Voices she wanted to remember. Voices she never wants to forget. But at the same time, the voices brought back memories of a different time. A different time...

"Us kids should stick together, not stalk one another. I mean, Mafia Town can be a really dangerous place" "If you want it, we'll have to settle it in true Mafia style!" "You Moon Penguins are just gonna write some loud, noisy drivel!" "This last time piece is all for me, darling." "Your contract has expired, sleep now in the fire!" "And do it quickly pup."

Her face formed a smile, before tears started to fall. Wait... why was she...

"Don't leave us!" "Hey kiddo, let's make another contract!" "Don't you dare leave, lass!" "Let's watch our movie, darling!"

That's why... she couldn't have just stayed. She at least needed to try and get home. And her kind weren't keen on creatures from other planets... who knows what would have happened to them? But with the end result, did it even matter-

A large ringing brought her out of the space-like place, finding herself sitting on the soft surface of her bed. Glancing around as she stopped the ringing of the clock, everything was in place. Her relics on their podiums, toys she made based on her time on that planet on the shelves in her room. Most of her badges she bought from the strange badge guy on a pin board beside her bed. Her umbrella was next to her dresser with the mirror.

A glance out the nearby window showed the mostly green and blue planet. It reminded her a lot of the planet that she could now only visit in her dreams. Unlike that planet, there was little if any magic. Talking animal creatures were only heard of in movies. Ghosts were just tall tales. So similar, yet different at the same time...

She got up, yawning as she stretched and walked over to her closet. Opening it, she grabbed a purple blazer and yellow scarf. She paused, looking at them both slightly. The blazer was taller than she used to be, when she first found herself crashed on the planet...

She remembered checking the vault as she passed by, only one time piece was left. She knew that wouldn't be enough to make it home, and she didn't know if she would pass another planet she could survive on in between them. So she grabbed it, and braced for impact. The ship crashed on 'Earth' in the middle of the night, and looking back on it now, she was lucky no big place caught sight of her. She remembered bleeding, maybe having a broken or fractured bone with the sharp pain coming from the left side of her body. She found herself being too hurt to move on her own right away... it was possible that she would have died...

But then two people entered her vision as she picked herself up. Both wore hats like she did, one of them actually had two. Apparently the two hat man, Reginald, had seen the ship pass in front of his airship while it fell from the sky. The two were naturally confused on why she was there, and concerned if she was alright. She remembered them offering to take her to the airship's medbay, but she was more worried about her relics, which were not the only things she had of her time with her old friends. The one with his orange hair in a ponytail that hung over his shoulder, who called himself 'Right Hand Man', offered to do it for her. However, she took liberty and carried them all herself to the airship. Needless to say, the two were surprised by the child's strength.

She now called these two 'Dad' and 'Papa', and they called her their daughter.

She allowed herself to exit her thoughts as she pulled her brown shoes over her purple socks and pants, standing up and walking over to the door of her room. It was a new day.

"I was wondering when you were going to wake up." An energetic voice spoke as soon as she opened the door. She was met with a more-humanoid Topbot, with a face that smiled at her, and silver hair that helped make them seem more like a teenager. He wore a blue and orange jacket, with the faintest hint of a green shirt being seen, and dark dull indigo pants that ended in his metal shoes that were literally his feet.

A few years ago, Hat Girl had found herself more lonely. Her dads, while they made time for her, were often busy at work. Most of the younger kids aboard the airship didn't let her play too often, and the teenagers were often on training missions or just plain avoided her. In an attempt to give her someone to hang out with, Reginald took aside a random Topbot, redesign and reprogrammed it to act as a brother to Hat Girl. He spent so long and hard on it that it felt like part of his soul belong to the machine in the end. Which could possibly explained how Platinum wasn't just following an interactive script, but was fully self aware and alive. He did have a small panic attack at first due to the sudden self awareness, but soon after he was able to cause trouble with Hat Kid.

"You ready for today, brother of mine?" Hat Girl asked, a smile forming on her face.

"Uhh, yeah." He said, a smirk forming on his face as well.

"Good, we can get started on our prank plans after breakfast." She stated, passing him and walking down the hall, humming a slight tune as she glanced out at the seemingly-night sky.

"Aww, come on!" Platinum said, racing next to her quickly, rolling his bright orange eyes. "You always have to eat before we can have fun. I don't see what the big deal is."

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, Brother." She said, sticking her tongue out playfully. She never fully grew out of her childish phase. "I pity you sometimes, food is great and you're unable to experience it."

"Please. I got my Tanks and Family, that's all I need." Platinum replied, rolling his eyes as the two walked into the cafeteria area, which was currently a bit busy as you would expect from it early in the morning. "I honestly don't see why your body decides you need food. Just seems inconvenient in my option."

Hat Girl shook her head slightly with a chuckle as she walked over to the sideboard, where Burt and Fredrick were talking.

"I'm starting to get concerned over your coffee obsession, Burt." The Cheese wearing Toppat said, arms crossed as he glared at the man in front of him. The man always sounded like his throat was sore, at least to Hat Girl it did. She remembered questioning if he was alright when they first met.

"Coffee is nice, Fredrick." Burt said, the dyed orange part of his black hair covering one of his eyes, as per the usual. He always seemed to act like he had no emotions, and spent most of his days in his office or grabbing himself the drink that was currently the topic of their talk. "The fact that you never tried coffee worries me."

"I'm more of a Hot chocolate person, and besides, the smell alone is enough to turn me off." Fredrick stated, grabbing the lake of floating marshmallows in a cup along with the plate of 'Bacon, Egg, & Cheese Breakfast Bombs' he liked. "But I know all that coffee isn't healthy for you, I swear you drink more coffee then you eat actual food."

Burt rolled his eyes at the statement, before glancing around the area as he grabbed his coffee and toast. "Fine. I'll eat a little more today." With that, temporarily balancing his plate on his other arm, he grabbed one of the muffin-like items off Fredrick's plate and walked away.

Fredrick was frozen in shock for a few seconds, before huffing and glancing to the side. It was only then he realized the children of the leaders. "Oh, sorry you two, I didn't see you there. Off going to cause some trouble later I assume?"

"Possibly, possibly not." Platinum shrugged as Hat Girl chuckled, before giving her breakfast request to the cook-toppat that came by.

"I'll be taking that as a yes." Fredrick said, shaking his head. "Just uhh, do me a favor and don't go on a spree of spray-painting the inside of the vents, again. Took me and Sammy nearly the whole day to clean it last time."

"Alright, no spray paint in vents..." Platinum said, raising his arms in front of him slightly in defeat. He watched as Frederick left, before turning to his sister. "Want to finally see how many people we can surprise with airhorns tape to their chairs and doors?"

"Oh heck yeah!" Hat Girl said, giving her brother a thumbs up. And the Toppats that heard her shout began to feel a faint feeling of fear among them. They knew then that chaos caused by those two would come later that day.

-------

What they didn't know was on earth, a conversation was happening. About the true chaos.

"You sure this is... safe?" One government person asked another as they glanced at the cannon. Although cannon felt like an understatement. The place where the 'cannonball' would come out of look like it itself was 27 miles long. "For Earth I mean."

"Should be." The other replied, hoping away from the gears they were adjusting. "The material should begin to burn up after it makes contact with the toppat orbital station. The worst we should have to deal with are burning pieces of metal and stuff falling down to earth in the size of normal meteoroids."

"Am I the only one who feels this is a bit... extreme?" The first asked as they hop into the tunnel to the underground control system of the cannon. "I understand they've been a pain to deal with since they got up, but can't we just set up traps for them on earth."

"It's not just about the Toppats alone." The second stated as they followed the first, wanting to be as far away from the cannon before it blew its canon ball. "If other criminal organizations see what the clan has done, they'll likely follow in suit. Soon all crime might be unstoppable because those who caused it are up in space. Is that the world you want to live in?"

"No."

"Then we need to make a statement. And this is the only way. Now let's get to the control room, and get this party started..."

-------

Hat Girl had found herself staring out the cafeteria window as she finished her plate of breakfast, slightly blocking out what Platinum was talking about as he sat in front of her. This was a bit normal for the two, half the time they were inseparable during the day. Especially since the incident where Dad was captured, and Papa had to be turned into a cyborg to live. It was a bit of a struggle for the clan then, and even with Dad back it was a lot of work to make up all the money that had been stolen the night before they were meant to launch their station-

Her train of thought stopped as she faintly spotted something outside the window. She got off her seat and walked over to the window, placing her hand on it faintly as she glanced down at the planet they raided. There was some sort of... gray and slightly green ball thing. At first it was just a speck of dust, but it was getting bigger.. and bigger... it was coming to them, faster and faster.

"Hattie?" Platinum questioned, walking up next to his sister in confusion. "What's going on, you don't just leave a plate of food alone suddenly like that." She was a bit wordless at first, but managed to point to the strange thing. Platinum had to squint his eyes to see it. "That's... just a space rock."

"Coming FROM Earth?" Hat Girl asked, looking at her brother. "As a former space traveler, I have NEVER seen that happen, and I know that's not a normal occurrence for this planet. And not to mention it's perfectly... in the path of.. hitting... Get Dad and Papa and warn them, NOW!"

"Time to act serious for once then." The topbot said, quickly racing away from his sister and the group of toppats.

She glanced at the ball again, seeing it was getting closer and larger with each passing second. She found herself frozen like the poor souls in Vanessa's Manor, or the times she used her ice hat years ago. What was she going to do?

"Dad, Pops!" Platinum called as he reached the Cockpit of the rocket, taking an unneeded breath as he reached the door.

"Platinum?" Reginald asked, turning away from his cyborg husband as he glanced at his Robotic son. "What's going-"

"We need to move, or use Supreme Dominance." Platinum cut him off, with worry in fear shining in his orange eyes. "Now-"

At the very seconds, the 'cannonball' of metal and small bits of trash collided with the orbital station, hitting the middle of the rocket.

Hat Girl fell to her feet as the station twisted and chaos fell around her. Everything outside the window became a blur, as Toppats screamed in panic. She suddenly found her grip from the wall she'd grabbed onto slip, and she was slammed against another wall. Everything went black to her after that.

-------

It took a bit for her mind to process things as she awake, her body aching in places like she had a faint sunburn. She slowly opened her eyes with a groan, scanning the mix of dark and light. She appeared to be where the window of the cafeteria once was. Keyword there being once was because now it was a pile of glass on the grass below her. Some of the glass were close to her arms, and likely was responsible for the small cuts she saw on them. She glanced around as much as she could without getting up.

Chaos was the best word that could describe the current state of the station. Well, other then 'destroyed'. Parts of the orbital station the Toppats called home where broken and scattered across what she could only assume was a forest clearing. The earth was dragged up from a few parts finding themselves lodge into it. She was able to see a few Toppat members getting up or helping others up, while trying to take in what had just happened. Not like she could blame them, she knew exactly what happened, but was still trying to process it herself.

Their home was attacked, and was sent far from earth. Yet, judging by the fact none of them were suffocating, it meant this planet had oxygen or some other air humans could breathe in. Which made sense, they did land in a forest. But that meant they were out of the solar system...

Her train of thought was cut off by a sliver of a blur that entered her field of vision. At first she was a bit spooked out, until her vision adjusted, and she saw the familiar metal hand, only with a few faints scratches. She took the cold hand, although by now she was used to the chill, as Platinum helped her to her feet. "You ok, sis?"

"Y-Yeah." She said, letting go of his hand as she rubbed her arms slightly. She picked up her nearby fallen top hat, and made sure to check the side. She sighed in relief as her hand made badge, one that had the hats of her fathers on it, was still there, and placed that hat back on her head. "Some shards of glass cut me a bit when the window broke."

"Well... considering what just happened, it could have been a lot worse." Platinum looked around. "This is all so unreal..."

"Yeah..." She slowly walked past her brother as she glanced up at the sky, then around at all the greenery around them. Why... was she feeling like she had been here before? Her mind told her it was simply because it looked like earth, but her heart was insisting it was something more.

"Oi. Are ya ok, Reg?" Right Hand Man asked, as he helped the Chief onto his feet, worry in his human and robotic eyes.

"I'm fine. But... the others..." Reginald coughed slightly, before looking around the crash site, as much as he could without moving from his spot anyway.

As the leader of the Toppats, one skill he gained over the years was being somewhat-able to get a rough estimation of how many clan members were in his sight. And after seeing at least 100 Toppats in his vision, he knew others were likely on the other side of the rocket. Assuming at least 88 toppats were on that other side, it meant that a few were still stuck inside, likely injured or, worryingly, dead. Not to mention the children...

"Right Hand Man! Check the rumble for any trapped members!" He ordered, his voice and tone clear that there was no time to waste. He was still not fully used to his lover's cybernetics, watching his legs turn into a booster as he flew into one of the openings near the top. But he loved him all the same. He glanced at a nearby group of Toppats. "See if you can find anything from Medbay, and get it setup for any injured members!" The toppats seemed to be slightly surprised by his tone, but they quickly got to work, scanning the nearby areas.

"Sir." A voice appeared behind him. He turned around to see a man in a black jacket with his white shirt visible. "I know you likely don't want anyone else going into the wreckage, but-"

"Yes Quincy, go find the kids. Just be careful." Reginald answered, the fellow father wasting no time to do so in response, likely worried for his own daughter. The kids were in a pod similar to the leader's pod, it was one of the first things Reginald planned out when he made the blueprints. They would spend most of their days in there, it was the safest for them, especially if the place was to below up, they would already be in a pod and on their way to earth.

Hat Girl found herself walking near the nearby Woodline. That's when she noticed the traces of purple deeper down, and found herself frozen in realization.

Reginald noticed his daughter near the Woodline, and walked up to her. "Are you alright, Hattie?"

"I recognized this place." She said, looking at him. "I been here before."

Reginald's brown and blue eyes showed sudden confusion, tilting his head to the side ever so slightly. "You... what?"

"This was the planet I was on before I crashed onto earth." She responded. She then pointed out where the green of life and calmness turned into the creepy purple and black of dread and the unknown to all but her. "That ghost who's song Papa sings lives there."

"Really, the one with that Mafia, one of which went into space to try and get a toll from you?" Reginald question. He never thought his daughter was lying about the planet, but he figured he never find himself on said planet so he mostly just consider it stories.

"Yeah!" She exclaimed, childlike joy in her voice. She never really outgrew her childish side.

"Well... I suppose that means there's a town nearby, at least We should be able to get resources there." Reginald sighed, turning over his shoulder as Right Hand Man landed behind him. A look over the cyborg's shoulder showed some toppats in a little medbay-like area, some medically skilled Toppats using their skills to help the more injured Toppats, the 3rd in command Sven among them. He looked back at his partner in crime. "Was that everyone... alive in the rumble."

"Got everyone t'at was in t'e rubble." Right Hand Man stated. "Surprisingly, everyone lived."

Reginald was a bit surprised at this, but a smile formed on his face. "That's very relieving."

"So... what's the plan Dad?" Platinum asked, glancing at the Toppat leader slightly. "We can't just stay here with no place to rest, or prepare food." He paused for a second. "Well, you guys can't, at least."

Reginald brought his hand to his chin in thought, before dropping it and walking up a nearby rock. He cleared his throat, before calling out. "Can I have everyone's attention!?"

The clan members stopped whatever they were doing, except the few tending to the hurt Toppats, but he knew they were listening as well.

He took a breath before speaking. "As your Leader, I would be lying to you all if I were to claim I knew how to fix this, or the exact steps we should take next. We are the first of our kind to find ourselves stranded on a planet that can maintain life. But we cannot let this disturb us. It may be a long while, but I promise you, we will find our way home. But for now, survival is our goal, to watch after one-another, as clan and family." He paused briefly as he glanced at them all, lost souls unsure of what to do, before resuming. "Those of you who are well enough, see if you can move the walls detached from the station in order to make a temporary form of shelter. We do not know when a storm will come by, if this planet has storms at all. Look for supplies that fallen outside of the ship, only go in to retrieve items that are necessary for our survival. Go along the Woodline and look for wood for a fire. And trust in one another." With that, he backed up from his position on the rock.

Platinum watched as the clan members took a few seconds to process the orders, and the fact they were on another planet, before most started to look around. He spotted Burt and Fredrick walking up to a broken piece of wall, and seemed to start debating where the best place would go to serve as shelter. He saw Calla Fox, the one who stole the Ruby alongside Sven, slowly walk away from the Swedish man to help others look for supplies. He found himself glancing to where the purple part of the woods were hidden, his curiosity growing.

Reginald began to walk over to the wreckage that a few hours ago was the base of operations for the Toppat clan. "Hopefully we stolen enough we can sell in order to pay for what we need to fix the station..." He placed his head in his hands. "It's going to be so expensive..." He let out a muffle shout, not wishing to distract his clan members.

"Still t'ink ya s'ould 'ave let me 'unt after t'at pink-'aired government-kissin' t'ief." Right Hand Man grumbled, glancing at him. "Especially since we lost two members t'anks ta 'im."

Hat Girl watched her dads walked closer to the broken station, and went to follow them to help, before feeling a chilly hand grabbed her hand. "You said one of your friends lived in the creepy woods, right?"

She turned to look behind her, taking a second to glance at where the woods were before returning to her brother. "Yeah."

"And the creepy woods is in the direction of that purple stuff, riiiight?" Platinum voice showed intent, and seems to show he already knew the answer.

"Yea, The forest is kinda pretty in it's own way though, if memory serves me right-" She suddenly looked at him, processing the grin that appeared on his face. In response, she gave her own smart smirk. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"We sneak away from the clan while they take care of the crash rocket mess and chill with your old pals?"

"YES!" She said, high fiving her brother as she bounced in the air slightly. "I been wanting to see them all again, but never thought I actually could until now! I just... hope they aren't still mad at me for sweeping them off of my spaceship."

"Come on, with your cute face as a child, and you still a bit childish face now?" Platinum asked, warping an arm around her shoulder. "They'll forgive you in a heartbeat."

She nodded, a smile on her face as removed her brother's arm around her shoulder. "Catch me if you can then, brother." She said, sticking out her tongue with a 'bleeh" and raced into the woods. She heard a shout from her brother, something about 'cheating' by 'not telling him' and heard his metal feet click ageist the ground to catch up to her. She let out a giggle before shouting once they were a safe distance away from the clan. "Snatcher, here we come!"

[harrisonstories]

NOTE: This a beautiful article by Paul Theroux which I thought was apt for today. There aren’t many writers who I feel “get” George, but Theroux is an exception.

George Harrison - Something in the way he moved us                

As Martin Scorsese's portrait of George Harrison is released, celebrated novelist Paul Theroux looks at the man who went from mop-top to mystic

It is a happy thought that the sweetest music arises from an untroubled heart. As though from the sky, here is this strong and contented virtuoso – George Harrison, say – whom we envy for being strong, someone supremely contented. What a lucky man to be able to create such harmony and to penetrate our soul; to make us feel better, to help heal us and ease our minds. Isn't it pretty to think so?

The truth is usually the opposite of this. The art that is indestructible and always fresh never comes easy. Its source is typically uncertain or bleak, sometimes harrowing, the pure notes quavering over an abyss of shadows between life and death, that mournful place from which the most passionate yearnings take shape in the form of a song, a poem, a story, a harmonious vision. But even as I write this, speaking of the complex process of creation, words and music made of doubt and the divided self, the conflicts that help us to be sane, and the paradox of opposites, I seem to hear someone mutter over my shoulder, "Rock music is about as metaphysical as my Aunt Fanny..."

And yet it seems to me impossible to overestimate the resonant clarity of George Harrison's music – his songs of innocence and experience; or the subtle wisdom of his lyrics. Even as a relative youngster, more than 30 years before his untimely death, in his All Things Must Pass album, he was singing powerfully of transformation, in the title track, and "Art of Dying," and "Beware of Darkness," and "What is Life." He could be as jolly as his ukulele-strumming hero and namesake, George Formby, but as soon as he seizes our attention with his humour and his teasing, he is reminding us – and himself – that we are mortal and all things end.

George at his best was a man dedicated to whittling down his ego; he was not one being but many and he remains an enduring figure of fascination to those of us for whom his music runs through our head, reminding us of better times. It is no wonder he was so passionate: he was himself his own wicked twin. He made no bones about this and, a hater of pomposity in all forms, he expressed it with characteristic downright-ness:

"I have this kind of strange thing," he said, "and I put it down to being a Pisces. Pisces is the sign of two fish. The way I see it is that one half is going where the other half has just been. I was in the West and I was into rock'n'roll, getting crazy, staying up all night and doing whatever was supposed to be the wrong things. That's in conflict with all the right things, which is what I learned through India – like getting up early, going to bed early, taking care of yourself and having some sort of spiritual quality to your life. I've always had this conflict."

He was at odds with himself, but who isn't? In that respect "living proof of all life's contradictions," as he put it, he resembles most of us. We recognise him as a kindred soul in his contradictions – and though his life was lived on a vast scale, he was unusually truthful, and in his songs much more explicit than we dare to be. He made it his mission to explore his contradictions in his own way, through his music. So, to say that he was one of the great musicians of his time – one of the most innovative guitarists ever, most imaginative songwriters – is to give only part of the story. "The quiet one," is the stereotypical description of the man – but he was on fire within. To make music that mattered over the years, to bring renewal with each work, he seemed determined to burn out one self after another.

"He had karma to work out," his widow, Olivia, is on the record as saying. "He wasn't going come back and be bad. He was going to be good and bad and loving and angry and everything all at once. You know, if someone said to you, 'okay, you can go through your life and you can have everything in five lifetimes, or you can have a really intense one and have it in one, and then you can go and be liberated,' he would have said, 'give me the one, I'm not coming back here.'"

I also think there's a stark difference between "contradiction" and "confusion". He wasn't confused; had he been he would have found it impossible to search and learn with such clear-sightedness. His friend and mentor Ravi Shankar said that George exhibited tyagi, a Sanskrit term for a feeling of non-attachment or renunciation. Shankar wondered how this aspect of enlightenment could have come so clearly to a worldly lad from Liverpool. It doesn't seem odd to me that this thoughtful man came to feel the sense of freedom bordering on exaltation that mendicants experience in non-attachment. But it is a notable, and noble, quality in a rock star to practice it, as George did.

We all feel that we could do a bit better in our lives; in the secret history of this imaginative soul, George was active in pursuing this path. Surely it arose in large part from his having had everything while still young. At 19 or 20 he was on top of the world – inspiring the world to sing and dance. Performing with The Beatles gave him joy – gave us all joy. But he did not see this exuberance as a final fulfilment; the very fact of The Beatles as a musical and financial phenomenon made him doubtful enough to begin to look for a higher meaning, and – after The Beatles – to go on looking. He knew he was living in the material world, but had he been so attached to it he would not have been able to look deeper into it.

Early in his life as a musician, towards the end of the explosive new sound of The Beatles (and much more than music, it was a seismic shift in popular culture), George found his way to India. Through music and meditation, and the mantras that he chanted until the very end of his life, he was drawn to an unselfish, and ultimately a more mystical view of the world. The man who could make a whole stadium rock began to see silence as another ideal. He has described himself as an idle, smirking, doodling student at school, and yet in India he became devout and studious, a reader of the swamis – and notably, of Swami Vivekananda.

What has become apparent in the decade since his death is the uncanny symmetry of George's life – a life lived to the fullest. What might have seemed random or impulsive in him while he lived, is, in retrospect, a pattern, part performance, part pilgrimage.

His saturation in the material world drove him to seek the spirit in things – and so his life seems a series of vanishings and reappearances, journeys there and back, and even the portraits of him that seem iconic are various, a progression of so many faces, his features, his hair, his posture – different in each one. Yet his gaze is unchanged, his eyes telling us that the same soul is inhabiting this body.

All this sounds solemn, but he was a man of subtle and often self-mocking humour. George was interested in many things beside music, and although music was his first love, he was vitalised by travel, movie-making, and car racing. Look at his friends – the Pythons Gilliam and Idle, Jackie Stewart, Billy Preston, Eric Clapton, Bob Dylan, Ravi Shankar: the funniest men on Earth, the fastest, his most brilliant contemporaries in music.

But equal to his passion for music, and his diverse and close friendships, was an overwhelming desire to get back to earth – literally so, to dig, to plant trees, to surround himself with flowers that he himself had grown. The most obvious characteristic of the houses that he built, or bought and fixed up in the course of his life, are the gardens he planned and planted. No matter how extraordinary the houses, the gardens he created around them surpassed the bricks and mortar. In George's case the gardens he made gave him the sense that he was living in isolation, on an island of his own making. "...it's great when I'm in my garden, but the minute I go out the gate I think: 'What the hell am I doing here?'"

"From the day I met him he was defiant," Olivia said, "and so determined that nothing was going to stop him from leaping as far as he could."

She was thinking of his words in the song "Run of the Mill": "How high will you leap?/ Will you make enough for you to reap it?/ Only you'll arrive – at your own made end/ With no one but yourself to be offended/ It's you that decides."

-  “Something in the way he moved us”, Independent (Sep. 2011)

[sunriserose1023]

One Last Job [Three]

WORD COUNT: 3244 WARNINGS: Angst, background info, emotional crap, evidence of stalking CHAPTER SUMMARY: You and Bucky travel to Vancouver, where he learns a little more about you.

Masterlist

PREVIOUS: CHAPTER TWO

You pulled your coat tighter around you, glancing around the lot at the different trailers around yours. You rubbed your hands together, exhaling purposefully just so you could see your breath. 

Vancouver always seemed cold and wet, no matter what time of year it was. 

“All clear.”

You exhaled again, hurrying up the steps and closing the door behind you. You shivered once, nodding towards the wall.

“Crank the heat up, will you?”

Bucky nodded. 

“Sorry for making you stand in the cold, but—“ “No, I get it. And I appreciate you doing all this.”

Bucky gave you one of those little half smiles and nodded. You took your gloves off and laid them on the little table near the door, rubbing your hands together as you looked around, relief filling your bones when you saw no flowers. You took a seat in one of the chairs, leaning back and crossing your legs, flipping through the script you’d taken off the table. Bucky stood a little ways from you, and you glanced up, a smile coming to your face when you thought that if he spread his arms as wide as he could, he’d touch both sides of the trailer. 

He met your eyes and you smiled. 

“It’s a lot of ‘hurry up and wait’ on sets. They’ll come get me for hair and makeup soon.”

Bucky nodded, glancing behind him and studying the small trailer. You looked down at your script, but you couldn’t focus on it. You already knew your lines, but you were distracted by the man before you. 

“Have you ever been on a set before?”

Bucky shook his head, then lifted a shoulder. 

“I mean, there were news crews sometimes, back when I was in the army. But nothing like this. This is … elaborate.”

You smiled. 

“And this is a location shoot. Being on a soundstage is completely different.”

Bucky pursed his lips and your smile widened. 

“You can sit down, you know.”

Bucky smiled as he looked to the chair beside you.

“If that chair could hold me up—and that’s a big ‘if’—I feel like my knees would be up around my chin.”

You gave a quiet laugh. 

“Yeah, this is not furniture fit for giants like you.”

Bucky chuckled, but he did walk to lean over the back of the sorry excuse for a recliner. 

“Can I ask you something?”

You nodded, and he spoke again. 

“It’s personal.” “Ooh, time for the deep, dark secrets already? You haven’t even bought me dinner yet.”

Bucky gave a soft laugh at that. 

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

You smiled, setting the script aside. 

“What do you want to know?”

You met his eyes and he glanced down, then back to you. 

“Tell me about Ollie.”

A soft smile came to your lips. 

“Sure you’re ready to unlock that tragic backstory?” “Is it his or yours?” “Can’t have one without the other.”

You shrugged and Bucky smiled. You tapped your foot on the floor, then started talking. 

“It was my rebellious stage. I graduated high school at 17, and booked modeling jobs right away. I got a part on this throwaway show, but it got canceled. Even so, I got offers to do other shows and a couple movies and my career sort of skyrocketed.”

You shrugged, leaning back into the chair. 

“I met Loki at a benefit for ... something or other. His band was playing and I was a presenter, announcer, whatever.”

You shook your head. 

“He was tall, dark, and handsome. Moody and broody, just a little hint of dangerous. Which, as I’m sure you know—since you act the same way— just makes panties drop everywhere.”

Bucky laughed, nodding his head. You smiled, looking down at your hands. 

“Looking back, I can see that he was so bad for me. But at the time, all I could see was this literal rockstar who had eyes for little ol’ me.”

You took in a breath and let it out slowly. 

“Talk about a whirlwind romance. We took off around the world, completely wrapped up in each other. It was hot and romantic and the tabloids ate it up. We were in every magazine, in every gossip column. It was everything I had ever dreamt of.”

You gave a humorless laugh. 

“Or so I thought.”

You shook your head. 

“I don’t know how I didn’t see it, except that I was so in love—well, I thought I was so in love—and blinded by that.”

You looked down at your hands, then lifted your head to meet Bucky’s eyes. 

“Loki was doing just about every drug out there. He only smoked pot around me, so I … I don’t know. I saw him do a line of coke once, but I never saw him shoot up or anything, which I thought was romantic at the time. That he was trying to shield me from his demons, but come the fuck on, right?”

You shook your head. 

“He was too high to get through a show one night, and it … I don’t know if it was a withdrawal kind of thing or if he just had a bad trip or what, but he … he didn’t …”

You sighed. 

“He got physical with me, and not in a sexual way. He didn’t hurt me, but he … he scared me. And the next morning, he had no clue what I was even talking about.”

You looked down at your hands again. 

“He was mortified when I told him. He cried, begged for my forgiveness, swore he’d never do it again.”

Bucky watched your throat work as you swallowed, voice hoarse as you spoke. 

“Then he did it again.”

You shook your head and lifted it, looking towards the wall instead of the man before you, stretching your arms. 

“That was a breaking point for me. Fool me once and all.”

Bucky nodded, even though you didn’t turn your head to see him. Your shoulders lifted and fell as you took in a deep breath before you spoke again. 

“I called Clint, which I knew was a bad move, but … he’s always been my go-to. He was deployed at the time, which was bad because I wanted to see him, but good because I knew he wouldn’t be able to get his hands on Loki.”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. 

“Clint told me to get away, whatever it took, and he’d take care of me. I tried to break up with Loki, but he cried and begged me to forgive him and I … I loved him so much.”

You stood up, walking to the miniature window and peeking through the blinds. 

“I got a part in a movie that was going to be filming in Spain. Loki found out about it and asked if he could come with me, because European rehabs were so much nicer than American ones.”

You shook your head, glancing back to Bucky. 

“I got to set in Madrid and spent a few days being a tourist. Loki hadn’t come with me because the band got some kind of gig at the last minute that they couldn’t pass up. A make or break type of thing.”

You sighed, crossing your arms over your stomach when you turned to lean against the wall. 

“Clint woke me up in the middle of the night. He’d gotten a furlough or something to come and see me, and he broke the news that …”

You blew out a breath, swallowing as you straightened your shoulders. 

“They’d found Loki’s body in a hotel room the morning before. Drug paraphernalia all around. He’d overdosed.”

You lifted your head, meeting stormy grey eyes. 

“I wish I could say I was shocked … and it took me years of therapy to understand why I felt so relieved, even through the haze of shock and hurt and grief.”

You lifted a shoulder, tilted your head. 

“The movie producers were so good to me. So gracious. They gave me time to grieve and go home for the funeral, pushing the shooting schedule way back. It wasn’t until I got back to Spain, back to set that I started feeling funky.”

You licked your lips, Bucky’s eyes slipping from yours to watch the unconscious motion of your tongue.

“In that movie, I worked with one of the biggest stars ever, Peggy Carter.”

Bucky nodded. 

“She’s one of my favorites.” “She's everybody’s favorite.”

You smiled as you spoke. 

“I went to her and asked if we could talk and I spilled everything. Clint was gone back to wherever you all were stationed and Nat was taking some classes to finish up her degree, so I was all alone. Peggy bought the tests for me and she was the one who told me I was pregnant when I was too scared to look for myself.”

You looked down at your hands again. 

“Peggy told me that it wasn’t the end of the world. She said she’d be there for me if I needed anything, and no matter what I chose to do, the sun would still come up tomorrow.”

You swallowed and continued. 

“I filmed my parts in the movie and met Clint in Germany. I told him I was pregnant and he flipped his shit, just like I was expecting. I told him I was keeping the baby and I’d love for him to step up and be the uncle/father figure I knew the kid would need.” “Is that when he got hurt?”

You met Bucky’s eyes, smiling softly as you nodded.

“Shortly after. I know you must blame yourself and feel guilty, but it was the best thing that could have happened. I needed my brother, he needed us, and it all worked out. Clint fed Ollie his first bottle, ragged me over and over again to name the kid after him, lost his shit again when I named him Oliver.”

You sat back in your chair, blowing out a breath. 

“I was twenty years old when I had him. The tabloids had a field day with the whole story. First with Loki and I getting together, the almost nine year age difference between us, how the jaded rockstar would surely corrupt America’s sweetheart.”

You snorted. 

“And then when he died, and all the media circus with that, from heartbroken fans to his devastated fiancé, aka me. But we weren’t even engaged; that just made for a better story.”

You sighed. 

“Oh, but the headlines that erupted when it came out that I was pregnant. Everything from how I was waiting to have a late-term abortion to how devastated I was to be carrying Loki’s child without him. One mag actually reported that I spent at least an hour a day crying and begging for Loki to come back so we could be a family.”

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. You were quiet for a moment, then spoke softly. 

“Things would have been so different if Loki hadn’t overdosed. We always used condoms, so it really was an accident that I got pregnant. But if it had happened while he was still alive …”

You sighed, looking towards the wall again. 

“I’m so grateful for Ollie. I love him so much, and I am so lucky to be his mom. I can’t even imagine my life without him in it.”

You blinked back the sudden tears in your eyes and Bucky spoke softly. 

“Does he know? The kid, I mean?”

You smiled. 

“Ollie knows some things about his dad. He’s heard some of the music the Frost Giants put out, and he knows Loki’s voice. But I am so not looking forward to the day he wants to know the whole story.” “Will you tell him?”

You looked to Bucky, meeting his stormy eyes. 

“Yes. I don’t want to lie to him, so if he wants to know something, I tell him. I just … I don’t know how to tell the kid that his father never even knew about him. And that his father’s family would rather throw money at us than have anything ‘to remind them of their troubled son.’”

You shook your head. 

“I don’t want Ollie to feel like his dad chose drugs over him, because I know how horrible that feels. I felt that Loki chose the drugs over me for the longest time. I still feel that way, because it’s the truth. But he was sick, and addiction is a terrible thing.”

You let your head fall back on your shoulders, tilting it from side to side and sighing. Bucky looked at the table where your script had ended up again as he spoke. 

“I’m sorry if that brought up bad memories.” “Don’t be sorry. I understand the curiosity, and I don’t mind talking about it. Obviously you haven’t watched the E! True Hollywood Story about me, but I’ll let it slide. Not everyone’s a fangirl like Steve.”

Bucky smiled. 

“When did Natasha start working for you?”

He watched the color slip from your face, saw you start to gnaw on your bottom lip. 

“Ollie was a few months old. I had plenty of money, but I was kind of stir-crazy. I didn’t want to just sit at home, but I knew I couldn’t cart the baby around to different sets and shoots with me. And I didn’t want Ollie to be raised by a nanny, so … Nat came in and said she’d care for him while I auditioned.”

You stood up again, stretching your legs as you spoke. 

“I got a part on that HBO show, you know? The one—“ “That was my favorite? Yeah, I know.”

You rolled your eyes. 

“Once I won the Emmy for that show, I got offers for everything. I’d had my mom as my manager, but she was wanting to retire to Florida with my stepdad, so Nat stepped in and said she’d take over, and … the rest is history.”

You realized you’d been picking at your cuticles and you dropped your hands to your lap, stretching out your fingers. You looked over to Bucky, watching his eyes drift from your hands to meet your own. You shook your head, closing your eyes, and he started towards you, stopping when there was a knock at the door. 

Bucky’s hand went to his side, slowly going towards his back. You shook your head, standing up and laying a hand against his shoulder, speaking under your breath. 

“Stand down, Sarge. Killers don’t usually knock first.” “And you know that for a fact?” “Well, they didn’t in Nightmares when I filmed that.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and held a hand towards you. You stood back as the knock sounded again, and Bucky peeked out the miniblinds before he opened the door. A young girl stood there with a clipboard. 

“Hi, I’m here to take Miss Doe to hair and makeup?”

She lifted her head, eyes widening when she saw you. 

“Holy crap. Holy crap! You’re Miss Doe?!”

You put on a brilliant smile, lifting a finger to your lips. 

“It’s a surprise.”

The girl stared at you, mouth hanging open. Bucky couldn’t help but smile as you laid a hand on the girl’s shoulder. 

“What’s your name, sweetie?” “Kasey.” “Kasey, it’s so nice to meet you. I’m Y/N, and this is Bucky. Are you the one who’s stuck with me today?” “Yes ma’am, and can I just say, it’s an honor. I am a huge fan of yours.” “Kasey, you're too sweet. Let’s talk while we walk. You know how those hair and makeup girls get if you keep them waiting.”

Kasey nodded, and you dove right into conversation with her. Bucky followed just a few steps behind, taking in the surroundings because that was his job, but completely taken with the way you put this clearly flustered girl at ease, making her feel like an old friend instead of someone who was basically your maid for the day. 

You’d hugged so many people, taken so many selfies, filmed your surprise role for the show’s season finale, and now you were exhausted. You were ready to get to the hotel, sure you could talk Bucky into some room service and an early bedtime. 

“Miss Barton!”

You turned and a wide smile came over your face. 

“Phil!”

You rushed towards him, laughing as he caught you in a hug. You gave him a squeeze, then leaned back. 

“It’s so good to see you!” “It’s good to see you too, Miss Barton. How’s the boy?” “Rotten as ever. Losing teeth faster than the tooth fairy can fly.”

Phil gave a soft laugh. 

“I’m sure he’s in school?” “Yes, I had to leave him for this trip, but I’ll be sure to tell him you asked about him.”

Phil smiled, tossing a thumb over his shoulder. 

“Can I give you a lift?”

You smiled, laying a hand on his shoulder. 

“Thank you so much, but I’ve got a special detail this time.”

Phil raised an eyebrow and you rolled your eyes, a smile on your face, playing off the terror you felt as “no big deal” for everyone else. 

“You know it’s always something, Phil. Especially with these big award shows coming up.” “My money’s on you for the big one, Miss Barton.”

You felt your cheeks go warm and you went up on your toes to kiss his cheek. 

“Thank you, Phil. I hope I make you proud.” “Always, Miss Barton. Always.” “It was so good to see you.” “Likewise.”

He leaned in for another hug, and you closed your eyes as you hugged him. Phil winked at you, holding up a hand as he walked back to the black SUV he drives, with the company logo on the back window. 

“You stay out of trouble now.” “No promises, Phil!”

He laughed as he climbed in the car, and you turned to Bucky, who had his hands clasped together, blowing into the middle of them. Bucky motioned towards your trailer. 

“Come on. If we can—“

His words were cut off by the loudest noise you’d ever heard, along with a force that threw the both of you to the ground. Despite the night air and the snow falling, all you could feel was heat. You shook your head, disoriented, unable to hear anything except white noise and your heart pounding in your ears. It hurt, the throb of your head, the scrapes against your palms. You felt a hand against your shoulder and you rolled to your back, looking up into Bucky’s eyes. 

“Can you hear me?”

You couldn’t, but you could read his lips, so you knew what he was asking. You slowly shook your head, groaning at the waves of nausea that sent rolling through you. Bucky moved a cool hand to your face and you leaned into his touch. He helped you sit up, and you gave a soft moan, lifting a hand to your head. When your vision stopped spinning, you turned back over your shoulder to see what had happened, feeling your heart slip into your throat. 

The heat you were feeling was from fire, which crackled and burned due to the explosion that had thrown you to the ground. You stared with wide, horrified eyes as you watched the fire engulf what was left of what the explosion had destroyed. 

Phil’s SUV.

NEXT: CHAPTER FOUR

TAGS: @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​, @captain-rogers-beard​, @i-have-no-life-charlie​, @jillybeaner13​, @notyourtypicalrose​, @sea040561​, @fallenoutofrose​, @geeksareunique​, @distractedgemini​, @buckybarneshairpullingkink​, @isaxhorror​, @scentedsongrebel​, @paige-sais-rawr​, @beardburnsupersoldiers​, @absolukeyrh​, @elatedmarvel​, @shadowsof-thenight​, @sarcasm-myfriend​, @our-marvel-universe​, @shinycupcakebaker​, @victoriavickens​

[if-found-return-to-gusu]

New Years with Lan Zhan

The following week leading up to New Years was… tense. But not in the way it had been before. This tension…. It was.. Well it was certainly potent. 

I was just… I was AWARE of him. I’d decided to hope and hoping ment I had to re-examine how I saw him. How I saw how he saw me, rather. Reading into his actions and words with a romantic lens is…. Well… The kind of tension it creates is not exactly kid-friendly, let’s just say.

…..

I wanted to jump him, okay? Jump his bones. 

Constantly. 

I wanted to kiss him. To hold him. To touch him. In every place. In every way.

Ya boi was thirsty okay. (Still am but whoo-boi that was a TENSE week.)

We kinda danced around each other. I was very aware of the fact that we had kissed on Christmas under the mistletoe and that I had almost kissed him again two other times since.  

Whenever we were close… the urge was so strong. Remembering the taste of his lips makes me just want to lick mine as if I can find traces of it still there. And every time I do I KNOW his eyes follow the movement. 

Does that mean he wants me to? Is he thinking about it too? Or is he just tracking movement like human eyes just do?

We agreed that our first kiss was a disaster and didn’t mean anything.

Was it possible… that he feels the same way I do about that? Because it didn’t mean nothing. It meant everything. 

Even if I tried to make it mean nothing. Even if I tried to convince myself it was just a mistake. Not to be repeated. Heat of the moment. Wrong. Manipulative. Bad. 

And it was.

But at the same time

Oh… 

Even if I never should have done it. That kiss��. 

When did I get to be this selfish? 

But maybe…. Selfish is okay.

Because Lan Zhan returned that kiss. And maybe it wasn’t just out of pity. 

I mean I’ll never know. I’ll never be ABLE to know regarding that kiss. But that doesn’t mean I can’t know for… well…. Future kisses. If he wants them even half as much as I do.

Even if it’s just a casual attraction. I can deal with that. If he wants me in ANY capacity beyond friendship….  I mean I can work with that.

Right???

---------------------

It all came to a head on New Years Eve. Or… Well I guess just New Years. We’d decided to spend the holiday together at home.  

All in all there isn’t much to say about the day leading up to ringing in the new year together. We decided to order in and have something delivered so we could be lazy and stay in our sweatpants all day. (Well I stayed in his sweatpants. I have a modest selection of clothes again now but nothing is more comfortable than stealing his. ((Also on that note, I’m still really kinda sad that I lost my sexy jeans. I haven’t been able to find anything that hugs my ass quite so well as those did. Shame.)))

We spent most of the day just sitting together on the couch and watching stuff. Streaming movies and trying out some episodes of new TV shows. We ate when we were hungry and munched when we weren’t. 

We even found some of the left over face masks to wear while he started our nightly routine of rubbing ointment into my hands (which by then had already almost completely healed due to his care and attention). My hands are completely healed now he still rubs in the lotion every night. It’s something neither of us seem willing to end. 

And… well… okay so… somehow. Don’t ask me how. But all day long I happened to find myself more often than not sitting er… in his lap.

Okay so it was on purpose. I sat on him as a ‘joke’ but then he slid his arms around my waist to hold me there and so… Well, I just stayed. 

I tried to get off at one point saying his legs were probably getting numb but he just pulled me back on and told me to stay.

So what was I supposed to do? His arms stayed around me most of the night. And when his arms weren't around me, his hands were on my hips or arms instead. Always touching me somewhere. Sometimes when I’d laugh at something on the TV his grip would tighten. Other times, when I was relaxed against him, he’d let me nuzzle his neck and breathe him in. I couldn’t help myself. In those moments he’d stroke my back, tracing patterns into my skin over my shirt. 

When it started to turn towards the evening I did finally get up. He let me after I promised I’d be back in just a moment. I hopped off to the kitchen. I’d bought a store of very low-alcohol content beverages. Lan Zhan and I had briefly talked at some point about trying this - seeing if we could find alcohol content low enough that he could enjoy getting tipsy without blacking out entirely. There were just things like Mikes Hard Lemonade or wine coolers and such. Very low content stuff. I tried to pick out things I thought he’d enjoy the flavor of. 

He looked confused when I returned with arms-full of different drinks, but still came up to help me take some.I reminded him of our talk of experimenting and said how I thought this was the perfect opportunity to try. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to. If you’d rather not I’ll just drink these myself. But I thought it would be nice. Since you said you wanted to try to drink with me and these are very mild.”

He cut off my rambling with a hand to my cheek and a smile to my heart. He placed the bottles on the coffee table and selected something to start with. I grinned at him and opened up a bottle of my own Emperor’s Smile (always in supply gratitude of the ever-attentive Lan Zhan. Poor liquor store is gonna think he’s an alcoholic with how often he buys it. ….

Am I an alcoholic? I mean I don’t have a problem going long periods of time without drinking. I honestly just like the taste. And I don’t usually drink enough to get even a little buzzed… so like… that’s fine right???

┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah well I’ll talk to Wen Qing about that later…..))))))

I resumed my rightful place on his lap when he literally picked me up and placed me there. I laughed which made him smile and together we started to drink. He sipped at first, carefully testing out the flavor, but soon apparently decided that it wasn’t bad and drank with more confidence. 

We took it slow at first, seeing how he reacted. By the end of the first bottle he was feeling it a little but only just, he said. Which was a good sign!!

We thought about doing a drinking game but I thought that might be pushing it for our first time doing this together and we decided that depending on how this went maybe we would try that next time. If there was a next time.

The ‘Game’ idea stuck though and we both suddenly remembered the Switch that SangSang had left him all that time ago. We still don’t really have many games for it but that’s okay. 

Long story short

Tipsy Mario Kart is hilarious. We kept drinking through the night and both got a nice buzz going. I don’t know how to drive anyway but whatever. It helps you if you fall off the track and there are no turn signals or anything to worry about. But like okay here’s the thing.

As Lan Zhan got tipsier, he started to drive slower and MORE carefully. Like There’s this section on one of the maps where if you take a riskier jump it works as a shortcut. Like one of those high-risk/high-reward things. 

But like… I stopped one time to watch him. He very carefully steered his car so that he was lined up on the ramp and tried to like back up so he’d have a runway. It took him a good 20 or 30 seconds to just get his car straight. And then he punched it. 

Except there wasn’t any momentum. Because he went from dead-stopped. So he got to the top of the ramp

And just flopped over upside down on the track below. He was so frustrated!! It was adorable!

He came in dead last that time. (Though I was second to laugh because I kept flying off the edge as a result of laughing so hard while pressing the ‘go’ button. Oh my god. It really was hilarious. He was SO frustrated. I mean he’d tried SO hard!!). 

And don’t even get me started on Rainbow Road. I wish I’d recorded it somehow to show you guys. Just. Damn.  There was this one time that I flew off the road, yeah? And like normally the little guy carries you back on with the fishing line right?

Except I managed to fall ONTO the track below. Like going the wrong way and way further behind but like it was impressive!

Well I thought so anyway. 

Still managed to lap Mr. Careful though because Lan Zhan was DETERMINED not to fall off the road after the botched ramp incident. 

In the end we were so into the game that we both lost track of time completely. Fortunately sober Lan Zhan foresaw this problem which meant that at 11:45 the two of us were scared out of our skin by the sound of his phone’s alarm going off. 

“Oh! Oh yeah!! The fireworks!!!” I yelped in a moment of panicked clarity. (Nevermind that 15 minutes was more than enough time for even tipsy us to get our asses up to the roof like we’d planned.)

We gathered up some blankets and made the hot chocolate we’d planned for to keep us warm and both of us tromped up the little-used ladder that led to the roof. 

I’d always wanted to do this specific cliche. Sitting on a roof with the person I loved to ring in the new year together under the light of the celebratory fire-works. We were close enough to see them pretty well from there, Lan Zhan had promised. Even though he’d never done it himself. 

I trusted him. As I do with all things.

We managed to get our blankets set up. We’d planned on using chairs but instead decided on just some cushions instead so that we could stay closer to each other. 

“For warmth” I claimed. 

I remember waiting on that roof with him, half on his lap again as our misting breath mingled with the curling steam from the hot mugs of chocolate held in our hands. 

There was just enough snow around to make everything a little muffled. Quiet and calm. 

Between the liquor and the hot chocolate and Lan Zhan’s body pressed so close to mine, cold wasn’t even a whisper in my mind. I could have stayed like that forever.

I keep saying that don’t I? I guess it’s not so bad to have so many forevers, huh? Just means I’m happy with him, doesn’t it? And I am. I really am. As much as I want these moments to last forever… As long as I can have a forever with him… what more in this world could I possibly ask for? That’s what I want. I want a forever with him. I don’t care how or where. Just… as long as it’s with him.

My thoughts were swimming lazily in that direction when the first of the fireworks shimmered in the distance. We were far enough away that we could hear the boom without feeling the rumbling that accompanied it. I shimmied the rest of the way onto Lan Zhan’s lap when the display started and he put both of our mostly empty mugs aside so that he could slide his arms around me. 

The air shimmered. Pinks and golds and silvers and greens. Reds and blues  and oranges and purples. Sometimes in patterns. Sometimes just in a spray of glittering color.

I’ve always loved fireworks. The sound and the sight and the feel of them. The way they color the world for even a moment. I was always fascinated how different they are in person than they are with even the highest quality camera. It’s just… you have to see them live. Film just doesn’t do them justice.

Kinda like Lan Zhan. Beautiful on paper but in person just.. Stunning. 

The finale was timed perfectly for Midnight. “Happy New Year, Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said softly in my ear, making me shiver for the first time since coming outside. And not from cold. 

I turned in his lap to look at him. “Happy New Year,” I replied in a whisper. He was so close. So so close.

This time… this time we both moved. I hadn’t been cold but the press of his lips against mine almost burned anyway. The kiss… it wasn’t the passion of our first kiss, or the awkward chastity of our second. This one lingered just a moment. Just enough that we could be sure that it was reciprocated on both sides. And when we parted a moment later we still stayed together. Lan Zhan pressed his forehead against mine, staring into my eyes and smiling that sweet smile that’s just for me. 

I remember laughing a little and nuzzling my nose against him, scrunching it in an attempt to be cute. It must have worked because he chuckled too. 

I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but despite the warmth of the moment, eventually we did start to feel the chill of the midnight air. It was with great reluctance that I untangled myself from him. We gathered everything up and took each other’s hand as we made our way back inside to the warmth of the apartment. 

We let go to start cleaning up a bit before bed. I knew it was late for Lan Zhan but I also know that he’d prefer going to bed with the place relatively tidy and that we’d thank ourselves in the morning. 

He went off to the kitchen to at least clean up some of the dishes and I set to putting the living room to rights. 

My task was the easier one so I finished pretty quickly. Unwilling to be separated from Lan Zhan any longer than I had to, though, I went to the kitchen to see if he needed some help. But then….

Well you all know I’m a little goblin, right?  

He was just… his back was turned to me at the sink. And his sides were exposed. Just begging to be tickled. 

And well, I wasn’t DRUNK, (at least off alcohol) but I was definitely tipsy and so I crept in like the goblin man I am, slinked up behind him and went in for the tickle. He SQUEALED and started laughing like a mad-man. All the dishes he was holding crashed into the sink and he held onto the counter for dear life. His leg seemed to give out on him for a moment as he gasped for breath between more peals of laughter. It wasn’t until the pig snorts started that he really tried to fight me. His ears were so RED as he twisted in my grip, snorting all the way like little (or not so little) laugh hiccups. Oh Oh I never thought that a pig snort could sound so wonderful. Hah. It was ridiculous.

Eventually he managed to twist around and wrap his arms around me, effectively pinning my arms to my sides so he could catch his breath. His head was resting on my shoulder as we both let our laughter die down some. 

It was all a ruse!

 A RUSE!!!

All of a sudden while I was pinned there completely defenseless I felt

Hands

On

My 

Ass!!!!

Apparently tipsy Lan Zhan decided that copping a feel was the only reasonable path for revenge.

Except… I don’t know how he knew. Or maybe it was just luck.

I am not ticklish anywhere on my body. Not even my feet.

Except for one place.

Nie Huaisang if I find out you’re the one who told him this I will skin you alive. 

My butt… I don’t know why and honestly it is a very well guarded secret except that SangSang found out by chance once. But my ass is SO ticklish. 

Lan Zhan grabbed a chunk (And there is a nice chunk to grab if I do say so myself) and just… 

I collapsed instantly. 

And now he knows.

Forever.

That if you tickle my ass

I bray like a damn donkey. 

Like I laugh THAT hard. That I can’t breath. And when I gasp for air it sounds like a fucking donkey.

Which of course got his pig snorts happening again. 

Thank GOD no one was near us wondering if we were expanding the bunny cafe into a full on fucking petting zoo. 

Jesus. 

And 

Just to make matters WORSE.

Okay so I’m a weak man. 

And I was trying to squirm away from him and he was trying to keep tickling my ass

And in order to keep tickling my ass and keep me from running his arms were still around me

Which means that we were pressed very close to each other

And I was squirming to get away and laughing and

Well….

You can guess what happened.

Let’s just say we were really feelin’ each other. 

⚆_⚆

And if you DON’T understand what I mean. Good for you. Keep your innocence. I will not tarnish. 

SO I mean clearly he was disgusted with me and made me sleep in the guest room and avoided ever touching me again, right? Except he wasn’t and he didn’t.

It was… well it was definitely awkward but…. We didn’t let go. 

I mean we didn’t do anything else either. Maybe we could blame the alcohol or the fact that it was late or the just natural reaction of rubbing up against someone else. All of which may be true. 

I mean we did talk a little. It is a natural reaction right? And… well… 

I could still feel that kiss from the rooftop. I’d been trying NOT to linger on it too much, deciding it was something for my more sober brain to process in the morning. But I mean… We had just kissed. Under the moonlight. On the rooftop. In some new cheesy cliche 80’s romcom moment that I’ll treasure forever. 

And then

We…

Ugh…

We both decided in the end that that was something to be dealt with when we were sober and that it was either way a natural reaction that just happened sometimes and that we could talk about it later if needed. 

And after we.. em… caught our breath… we did eventually finish cleaning up and went to bed. As we normally do. Which means he was holding me. (Though I did pointedly avoid hip contact just in case ( ఠ ͟ʖ ఠ). )

We did NOT actually mention it again. I don’t know for sure that he remembers it and there’s no way in fuck I’m gonna bring it up if I don’t have to. At least not right now. We’ve got… other things to sort out in our relationship first. 

Like… like the kisses. 

First one doesn’t count (even though it does count.) because of circumstance

Second one still doesn’t really count because peer pressure and circumstance

But third one…..

It could have been the alcohol. And well, yes. The alcohol absolutely played a part. I know it gave me courage but I don’t know how it was influencing him. So STILL iffy on that circumstance and all that. (Alcohol =/= consent guys. Legit.) but like with how we’d been acting since Christmas and just… 

It’s given me a lot to think about. 

And we haven’t really talked about it but we aren’t like… avoiding it either. We’re just… I think we’re both testing the water. 

And I’m starting to really really… It’s more than hope now. 

His birthday is like in a week. And I’ve made my choice. I wanted to wait until my situation was much more settled before I even thought about trying to move our relationship in any direction. 

And Now….

I’m in a much better place. I’m emotionally much more stable. And if needed I can find a new place to stay now so I’m not so dependent on him anymore.

So I think… I think at his birthday on Saturday… Maybe after the actual shindig… when we’re home alone together…. 

I’m going to get him a gift just like he got me and…. And I’m going to tell him. I’m going to tell him everything. Tell him how I feel. I’ll confess and then… well… Whatever he decides then… well I’ll respect it. 

But I’m tired of this in between. I want one or the other. I want to know. I want to take my chance. Shoot my shot. I want to throw the ball into his court.

I just… I just hope he picks it up. 

Fuck. This is gonna be hard.

[27emailsicantsend]

Christmas Eve: A Rina Fic

Author’s Note: Literally no one asked for this, I just wanted to write it. 😂 I’m also in the process of making a part two to this fic for New Year’s Eve, so I’ll link it when I’m finished!

“Both of my parents are working...” Ej sighed.

“Ok, well- moving on!” Miss Jenn said awkwardly as she looked over at Carlos. “What will you be doing for Christmas?”

Carlos smiled at Seb and placed a hand on his desk. “We’ll be singing Christmas Carols door to door”.

“Oh how wonderful! Please make sure to send me copies,” Miss Jenn requested.

Carlos gave her a look of disbelief, “what kind of co-captain would I be if I didn’t send my leading lady a copy? Of course, you will get one”.

Miss Jenn gave an amused giggle. She brought her composure back. “Ricky? How about you? And your dad? Right? You’ll be with your dad Christmas Eve? He shouldn’t have to be alone”.

Ricky grimaced uncomfortably. He didn’t mind Miss Jenn liking his dad, or even them dating, but she asks about him... a LOT. And the last time she asked, she asked if he wore the skinny jeans she bought him for Christmas. Apparently it “outlined” his figure nicely.

“Yes, Miss Jenn,” Ricky said, slightly through his teeth. “It’ll just be my dad and I”. She looked hopeful- Ricky crushed that quickly. “But we were probably going over to Nini’s to help her, her mom’s, Kourtney and her family bake cookies. They give them to the homeless shelter every year”. Ricky hesitated over every part of his remark, especially the part about Nini.

He had spent all of his time with Gina before she moved, then when he thought she wasn’t coming back, he kissed Nini. He liked Nini, right? And they dated and now she finally liked him, so what was the problem? Well... it’s Gina. She moved back and ever since things have been... weird between them. They smile awkwardly at each other in the hallway, almost hugged opening night during the last scene but decided against it, and one time they almost had a conversation more than five sentences when Gina asked Ricky about the missed science homework. But then Big Red came in and saved the day himself. Gina gave a gracious thank you and eye roll and walked away.

Gina’s head was eyeing the marks on her desk, so Ricky couldn’t tell if she was upset or not at the mention of Nini. She traced the writings on the wood with her finger as Miss Jenn asked everyone else in the cast circle about their holiday plans.

Big Red was going to play video games and seemed saltier than usual that Ricky was bailing on their annual video game plans to spend time with Nini, Ashlyn invited EJ to fly down with her family since her sister was in college and ended up not being able to make the family trip in time. EJ had the money to cover the costs and gave a delighted, “yes!”

All eyes shifted to Gina, who was last to be asked. “Oh, you know, we’ll be doing all sorts of fun plans. Decorating the tree, making treats, watching movies... Christmas is... great”. Ricky knew Gina was lying.

The bell gave a sharp ring. Carlos was in the background yelling, “ok everyone! Pre-order for mine and Seb’s Christmas CD is on the piano! 40% off if you order now!... Red! Phone numbers ONLY please. Stop drawing that!...”

Ricky tried to run up and stop Gina, but she was about two steps ahead of him. Just as he began to speak, Gina bolted out and he felt an arm on his shoulder. Miss Jenn.

“Rickyyy!!!”

“H-h-hey, Miss Jenn,” Ricky said, avoiding eye contact.

She placed a firm arm around his shoulders as she walked him to the door, speaking without taking a breath. “Listen, I know you’re going to be busy with Nini and I’m sure your dad doesn’t have any plans, so if your dad wants I won’t be doing anything. I would love to have some company that night. My mom got me this ham, but I don’t really want to eat it all by myself- oh! And then you two can have leftovers and I’m sure you guys needs ham leftovers, right? Well, if he wants to hang out with me or something like I said I won’t be busy so he can just let me know,” Miss Jenn pushed Ricky out the auditorium door. “Ok bye now!” She shut it enthusiastically as Ricky shook his head trying to make sense of what happened.

Ricky looked around the semi-crowded hallway as students made their way to their classes. Gina was long gone.

***********

Miss Jenn breathed a quick sigh from behind the door, perked up, flattened her skirt, and swiftly made her way to the piano to pick up some extra sheet music.

“Miss Jenn?” She heard a soft voice come from opposite stage.

“Gina?” Miss Jenn’s face crumpled as she double checked the closed door. “I thought? I saw?... you leave that way?...”

“There’s a door on that side of the stage too”.

“Oh, yeah, right.”

“Anyway...” Gina gritted her teeth awkwardly, “want some help?”

“Umm... sure, Gina”. Miss Jenn smiled delightfully. “There’s some chairs that need to be stacked”.

Gina made her way over to the chairs. She stacked two in silence and began the third by asking, “so you don’t have plans for Christmas Eve?”

Miss Jenn froze. “What?! No! I have tons of them. Family, friends... so many wonderful people-“

Gina cut her off. “I heard you tell Ricky you didn’t”.

Miss Jenn lowered her head while she meekly straightened her papers on the piano top.

“It’s ok, Miss Jenn. I don’t have any either”.

“Well, that’s interesting Gina, considering you told the entire class you did,” Miss Jenn shot back defensively.

Gina threw her hands up, surrendering, “ok, ok, I’m caught. I just didn’t want anyone worrying about me. My mom is my only family around, but she’s working. So yeah, it’s just me. But... I was planning on just watching YouTube tutorials on how to make eclairs and build puzzles that day anyway... and I think those are activities you can do with two people”.

Miss Jenn finally made eye contact with Gina, “...do you like ham?”

Gina grinned, “love it”.

*************************************************

Christmas Eve

Nini was pulling the last batch of sugar cookies out of the oven while Ricky and Kourtney were slapping on globs of green, blue and red frosting on the cooled ones.

“Oh no...” Dana, Nini’s mom, said scrolling through her phone.

“What?” Nini asked as she started sliding cookies onto the cooling rack.

“The weather... it looks like a bad storm is rolling in tonight. The homeless shelter will be incredibly hard to get to with traffic and this storm. I don’t know, Nini, I don’t think we should go”.

“But mom, we do this every year!” Nini protested. “And what would we do with all of these?!”

Ricky used his finger to take some frosting off of his chin and eat it. Nini glared at him as if her eyes were to say “not the time”.

“Oh. Sorry,” Ricky set down his currently half frosted cookie and knife.

Kourtney got up and gave Nini a side hug as she rested her head on Nini’s shoulder.

“There’s got to be something we can do”. Ricky’s dad, Mike, interjected.

“Well, It’s not the exact same, but we could give them to some people around the area. And we can always make cookies again for New Years or something and bring them then,” Carol suggested.

“That works,” Nini looked disappointed, but accepting considering the circumstance.

**************

Gina was adjusting the fork next to the paper plate at her small table. It wasn’t much, but Gina really tried to make the place nice for her special guest. She turned on her fireplace, hung up two socks with duct tape, set out some holiday paper plates and plastic ware, and even cut and taped a bunch of paper snowflakes all over the house. She had strung some lights and put up the few Christmas decorations she found in a small box in her attic. She didn’t have a tree, so she put up a faux one on her tv screen from a channel that showed it with Christmas music playing in the background. It wasn’t much, but it made Gina giddy.

Gina heard her doorbell ring. She swung the door open fast and immediately her eyes fixated on Miss Jenn’s arms. In one she was carrying her cooked ham and the other had a small gift bag and her purse. Gina couldn’t afford to get Miss Jenn anything and immediately felt horrible.

“Uh... um... come on in,” Gina stammered.

Miss Jenn looked around as she placed the items on the kitchen counter. “Gina, it’s beautiful”.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Gina said sheepishly.

Miss Jenn set a gentle hand on Gina’s shoulder. “Really, it looks great”.

Gina bit her lip thoughtfully. “Well, how about that ham?”

“Oh yes! I have just the thing for it!” Miss Jenn zipped open her purse and pulled out a plastic handle with a cover. When she slid the cover off it revealed a giant knife- to which Gina’s eyes widened with surprise.

“Uhm... you don’t carry that around with you... all the time... do you miss Jenn?”

“Oh no, of course not silly,” Miss Jenn said as she made the first carve into the ham. “I can’t carry it at airports,” she said as she winked playfully at Gina.

Right when Gina was about to say Christmas was cancelled, she heard the doorbell ring again.

“Weird. I didn’t invite anyone else,” Gina thought outloud.

“Nini? Ricky?” Gina said, her face puzzled. She heard the knife clud! in the background and Miss Jenn scurry to the front door. “Mike?!” She said, enthusiastically.

Nini, Ricky, Mike, and Kourtney were all standing in the doorway holding a giant plate of cookies.

“What are you guys doing here?”

“We brought cookies!” Ricky said as he tried to present them with a fancy hand gesture.

Kourtney, unable to keep her mouth shut, piped in, “No offense, but Miss Jenn what are you doing here?”

Nini shot Kourtney a look.

“Celebrating Christmas?” Miss Jenn said with a strained smile.

“Come on in”. Gina has to force the words out of her mouth. As soon as she turned around, she rolled her eyes and mouthed “whyyyyy”.

The gang let themselves in. The teens put the cookies on one of them empty counters in the kitchen and Mike made his way over to the ham. “Hey, Jenn, did you carve this?”

Jenn perked up, “yes, why?” She said with a confident smile.

“Well... uh... it’s great... it’s just you carved into the bone and that might break the knife”. Jenn’s eyes widened in embarrassment.

“It’s ok! You did great”. Mike tried to save himself.

“No, I actually don’t know how to carve a ham”. Miss Jenn got a calculated look in her eyes. “But maybe you could teach me?”

Mike looked at the kids, knowing they had more stops to go. “Would you guys be alright if I helped Miss Jenn with this ham?”

Everyone said yes, minus Nini who said no, but when she realized she was the only one, quickly changed her answer to yes.

Gina heard the doorbell ring again.

“What the-?” She asked outloud. She opened up her door and “The First Day of Christmas” was belted in her face by none other than Carlos and Seb. They barely got through the first day before Gina hushed them and stepped onto her small porch.

“What are you guys doing here?!”

“Caroling!” Carlos chimed, before noticing everyone else in the window. “What are they doing here?!” He asked offended. “Are you having an official cast party without me?! Gina! How could you? I thought we were frie-“.

Gina cut him off, slightly annoyed. “Will you be quiet? It’s not! I lied. Ok? I didn’t have anyone coming over for Christmas so I invited Miss Jenn and then the Three Musketeers and their father randomly showed up and they’re the last people I want here”.

“Gina, the more the merrier. Seb and I’s families can wait. Let’s make sure you get a Christmas to remember”.

Carlos then pushed past Gina and went into her house. “Hellooooo everyone!” He greeted. The other three ran over and gave him and Seb enthusiastic hugs.

Gina accepted her fate and walked back inside.

About fifteen minutes later, she was showing Kourtney how she found her “tree channel” on the TV when another knock came on the door.

Gina opened it up, now officially confused. “Red? What on Earth could you be doing here?”

He was carrying a small Christmas bag. “Well, I heard there was a party here-“

“Carlos?”

“Yeah,” Gina perched her lips, “anyway, Ricky also left this at my house and I heard he was here so I made sure to bring it with me. I also brought video games!”

Red let himself in and that was when Gina noticed the giant black backpack stuffed to the brim hanging from his back.

Gina yelled out to the empty street, “anyone else want to join? Apparently there’s a party at my house!”

And as if, on cue, Gina saw two more figures appear. Ashlyn and EJ. “Hellloooo! We heard there was a party here!” Ashlyn hollered carrying a giant pack of soda’s and EJ with chips and other treats in his arms.

“You two are supposed to be in Denver!”

“We were,” stated Ashlyn, “but my flight was with my sister- which EJ took- and it ended up being cancelled because of the storm. My whole family is there so we’re stuck here”.

“Storm? What storm?” Gina asked puzzled.

“Dude, you didn’t hear?” EJ asked.

“No, dude,” Gina retorted in a salty tone, “I didn’t”.

“Well, it’s massive. People are being told that after 6- so like fifteen minutes from now- we need to stay indoors. It’s supposed to be icy and snow like fifteen inches. It’s crazy. So we decided to come here, hopefully beating the storm. Besides, when Carlos declares a party, we have to be there”.

Gina sighed as she gave up. She should have expected a Carlos-party at her house sometime, might as well be now. She let the two, now shivering, in.

She called her mom and explained the situation. Her mom was surprisingly ok with all of the people there, mostly because there was adult supervision. Unfortunately, because of the storm, her mom wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. The office was requesting people stay to be safe, so the entire city was basically on lockdown at this point.

Gina made her way back to the kitchen. Everyone was scattered and chatting throughout her house. She found Miss Jenn and Mike finishing up the ham. She gently tapped Miss Jenn on the shoulder. “Um... Miss Jenn... some more people showed up”.

Miss Jenn must have really been in her own thoughts because she jumped back into Mike’s arms when she noticed all the new people that had arrived since Mike. They awkwardly pushed away from each other and brushed their clothes off.

“Oh... I’m going to need more ham”.

Gina saw Ricky approaching her and tried to push past Red and Ashlyn having a rousing conversation about dinosaurs.

“Hey, Gina!” She heard him call. She pretended not to hear him as she pushed through Red and Ashlyn. Ricky shook his head in frustration and returned back to Nini.

“Everything ok?” Nini asked cautiously.

“Yup. Just fine. Can we please just get back to... whatever we were doing?”

“We were just talking Ricky”.

“Yeah um, never mind. I’m going to get a drink,” Ricky said as he made his way to a canned Dr. Pepper.

About twenty minutes later, Carlos saw Gina sitting alone in her home office. She was sitting in a giant, faded swivel chair- her back to the doorframe, staring somberly out the window.

Carlos sighed dramatically. “OOOhhhh”. This caused Gina to jump, swivel around quickly, and glare at him.

He sighed even more dramatically as he fell against the doorway, palm to his forward, “OOOOHHHHHHH”.

“Yes, Carlos?” Gina asked, unamused.

“Well,” Carlos said, sauntering to a chair, his antics still high. He fell dramatically in the chair as he whimpered, “I’m just so. bored. at this amazing party you threw”.

Nothing.

“So I was thinking we should play a game”.

“Carlos, I own like, no board games”.

“Oh that’s fine!” Carlos perked up. “Charades doesn’t need board games,” he said with a wink. He popped up and held out his hand fashionably toward her.

Gina smiled and shook her head as she took his hand and they ran out to the living room. She noticed they were all already sitting around, a bag with paper strips sat neatly in the center of her coffee table. “Attention! Attention! We are ALL playing charades. No one gets a choice. Pick a teammate,” Carlos demanded royally.

Carlos ran over and grabbed Seb’s hand. Ashlyn and Red looked at each other and shrugged. Jenn scooted closer to Mike in the kitchen. Which left Nini, EJ, Ricky, and Kourtney sitting on the couches and Gina awkwardly standing in the corner.

“I call Gina,” Ricky said without hesitation. Both Nini and Gina gave him weird looks.

“Well then...” Carlos said apparently discomfited, “ I guess that leaves Nini, EJ, and Kourtney on the other team. That’s fine. Throuples are fun!” Carlos didn’t even hesitate with his last statement, but it made the entire room incredibly tense.

“Well go on!” Carlos pushed Gina in Ricky’s direction. “Go sit by your teammate”. Gina sat down next to Ricky, who was now perfectly settled in between her and Nini on the two seater couch.

“We’ll go first!” Miss Jenn volunteered. The game was fun, but Jenn was incredibly competitive and rubbed the fact she and Mike were winning in everyone’s face. Red and Ashlyn cheated the entire time which made Carlos annoyed. And Nini was barely giving any spirit to her team. Gina and Ricky cooperatively played together- at first it was awkward, but about two turns in they were already high-fiving and celebrating their victories and secretly celebrating their opponents losses.

It was the fourth round and it became Gina and Ricky’s turn again. She reached in the grocery bag and pulled out a little white paper with Seb’s handwriting poorly written on it. It read “Gabriella”. She got horrible flashbacks of seeing Ricky and Gina kiss during the show and after the show. Behind stage. Where they still don’t know she saw them.

“Uhh... umm...” she made an elephant trunk draping her arm from her nose and flailing her hand.

“Elephant!” Ricky yelled gleefully.

“Yeah, sure,” Gina said and then swiftly exited the room.

“That’s weird...,”Seb said under his breath. “I’m pretty sure I didn’t put elephant in there...”

Ashlyn chimed in, “let’s keep going,” which was perfect, because it broke the tension. Red ran over to Gina who was walking quickly to her bedroom. “Are you still playing?”

“Umm... no... I’m gonna take a break. Games wear me out,” she said as she let out a half-hearted laugh. “Just have Nini be Ricky’s partner or something”.

“Ok...” Red said as he awkwardly exited the room, slightly tripping on her bedroom frame.

Gina grabbed the small box filled with thick string and began braiding an intricate design on a bracelet she had been working on the past week.

She heard a small tap on the door and looked up from her bracelet.

“Hey Nini, what’s up?”

“Are you alright?” Nini asked, approaching and slowly sitting on the edge of Gina’s bed.

Gina sat up from laying on her stomach and let her back fall into her pillows. She began fumbling with her bracelet again.

“I’m good. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well... you left the game kind of... abruptly?”

Gina shrugged.

“Alright, I’m just going to ask. I don’t want to beat around the bush. Is this about Ricky and me?”

Gina scoffed. “Hah! No. Why would it be? Why would I care if the guy I got close to and hung out with for weeks turned around and found someone else right after I left? We were just friends. No big. It’s chill or whatever..”

This stung Nini a little- because it’s what she did to Ricky.

Nini let out a breath. She couldn’t believe what she was about to say next.

“Ricky liked you too”.

Gina dropped the bracelet.

“What?! I- I- mean... what?!! I never said I liked him”.

“It’s ok, Gina. It was obvious you did. I couldn’t blame you. I was pretty jealous. And yes, Ricky and I are together, but things haven’t been the same since. He never said he liked you, but he talks about you non-stop. And he’s the one who suggested we bring you cookies tonight- honestly, I tried to stop him. I don’t think he ever stopped liking you”.

Gina didn’t understand.

“W-why are you telling me this? You said you’re together with him”.

“Because I think I’m realizing what I realized before I got back with him the second time. I don’t want someone who’s only half-in. I deserve to have someone who wants me completely and so do you”.

“Are... you saying you want me to be with Ricky?”

“I’m saying, let’s see where things go”. Nini gently touched Gina’s hand. “But please don’t let some boy come in between our friendship and this party. I thought we were starting to become friends again before you moved”.

Gina laughed thinking of Thanksgiving and almost getting to have a sleepover. “We were, weren’t we?”

“So come just enjoy Christmas with your friends, ok? No matter what happens, we’re all family and that’s what matters”.

Gina smiled. Nini grabbed her hand and they walked downstairs. Everyone was eating ham and smiling and joking around. Gina was glad Nini came when she did. She would have been bummed to miss out on everything.

“Hey Gina! Glad to see you join us again!” Jenn said with a big grin.

“There’s some ham left on the stove!” Mike piped in, standing next to her.

Gina made herself a plate and walked quietly around the room. She saw an empty seat next to Ricky.

“May I sit here?” She said with a soft smile.

Ricky’s face beamed. “All yours”.

Nini glanced over at them and smiled. She went and sat at the small table with Kourtney and Ashlyn.

Red, Carlos, Seb, Gina, and Ricky sat and laughed and cracked jokes about the play and things that went wrong that none of the audience would have noticed. Gina couldn’t help but feel right at home with them. She and Ricky exchanged a small glance and she blushed as she looked away.

“Hey, do you want to play the switch, Ricky?” Red asked.

“It wouldn’t be a normal Christmas Eve without it”.

The night passed with video games, the girls doing each other’s hair, a lot of snacks, a small living room karaoke session, and a wild game of sardines. People had began to fall asleep in random places throughout Gina’s house. Some on the floor, couches, her mom’s bed and even Jenn had an emergency blow up mattress in her car she brought in.

Red and Ricky were the only other two up still playing video games at about 3 am. Gina decided to turn in and go to sleep.

Ricky jumped up and ran over to her while Red pretended not to listen.

“Hey Gina?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for letting us stay here. It was really nice of you guys.”

“Well, we didn’t really have a choice,” Gina giggled. “It was over -45 outside. You would’ve frozen immediately”.

“True,” Ricky smiled.

They stood in silence for a moment.

“Good night, Ricky”.

“Good night, Gina. Merry Christmas”.

Gina began to walk to the staircase, laid her hand on it, turned around and gave a soft smile to Ricky, and then walked back up the stairs.

The next morning, Gina went into her hall closet and got out the emergency stash of tooth brushes her mom keeps. Because they have times when they frequently run low on money, her mom keeps a large collection of necessaries handy (when she does get paid), for emergencies. Things like soap, shampoo, tooth paste, and tooth brushes that are long lasting are among the stored parts.

She placed a tooth brush and mini tooth paste from previous dentist visits next to each person, so when they woke up at least they could brush their teeth.

She then went into the kitchen and got out a frozen loaf of toast to thaw and the filled carton of eggs. It wasn’t much, but hopefully it could tide everyone over until the city was cleared to be on the roads again. Nini and Mike were among the first to wake up, with Jenn and Red the last. (Red also woke up in his own drool puddle, but no one was surprised. Ricky was just thankful he didn’t bring any of his “sleeping gear”).

Everyone sat around and ate breakfast, called families, and watched Elf. During Elf, Gina noticed Nini lay her head on Ricky’s shoulder, feeling like their conversation last night was too good to be true. But she could have sworn she caught Ricky giving her a couple glances...

The morning was quickly dissembling when Gina watched Nini and Ricky walk off to another room after the movie finished while everyone else helped clean up decorations and garbage from the day before.

Seb was on his phone when he screeched, “FINALLY. WE CAN GO HOME”.

Carlos looked at him, concerned. “Seb, honey, you ok?”

“I WAS GOING CRAZY. I WAS TRYING TO BE NICE BUT I HATE ENCLOSED SPACES. I CANT BREATHE AND I WANT TO GO HOME. THIS STORM IS OVER- thanks again, Gina- BUT LET’S GOOOO”.

Carlos just shook his head and giggled. They were definitely the first to leave. Red, Ashlyn and EJ were next. Mike walked Miss Jenn to her car, while Nini and Kourtney were in Gina’s room talking. Gina was watching Mike give Jenn a hug when she heard Ricky’s voice behind her.

“You think she’s going to be my new mom?”

“I don’t know. Would you be upset if she was?”

Ricky smiled. “I don’t know”.

Gina watched them talk a few more seconds and then turned around. “Listen, Ricky, about last night...”

“It’s no worries. I get it’s been a little weird between us...”

“A little?!-“

“-ok a lot-”

“-We’ve hardly talked! I mean I get you’re in a relationship and all-“

“What relationship?”

“... with Nini?” Gina asked confused.

“Yeah... I think we decided during Elf to put the breaks on that”.

“Is that why you left?”

“Yeah... Nini feels like she needs to find herself without someone.... whatever that means”.

Gina felt a little tingle swirl in her stomach. She repressed the smile that was beginning to take over her face.

“Well... that’s just a big bummer then”. The statement came out a lot more sarcastic than Gina intended, but luckily Ricky didn’t notice because he giggled back.

“Yeah, a real bummer”.

Nini and Kourtney came down the stairs.

“Ready to go?” She smiled at Ricky.

“Sure,” he smiled back politely.

“Thank you so much,” said Kourtney to Gina.

“Yes, thank you. We owe you. You sure you’re going to be ok? I don’t want to leave you alone on Christmas,” echoed Nini.

“I promise, I’m good. My mom will be home in like, an hour, tops. You guys go enjoy your missed time with your families. They need it too,” Gina reassures them.

“Ok, well, Merry Christmas,” Nini said.

The others copied this sentiment with some goodbye’s and a giant group hug before they headed out the door.

Nini smiled as she locked the door behind them and went over to the kitchen counter. The gifts! They had been so wrapped up in the fun, they never opened the gifts. Gina hurried and look at the tags to see who they belonged to so she could return the presents to their rightful owners.

The one from Miss Jenn was definitely for her so she decided not to make that call... but who’s was Red’s for? Gina looked at the tag.

To: Gina

From: Ricky

Gina set both presents down at the table and slowly pulled the paper maché from the gift bag from Miss Jenn. She had given Gina a handmade ornament that looked like a little cartoon version of herself with a small name plaque that read “Taylor”. Gina smiled as she stared at the detailing on the little figurine. It was so thoughtful and she appreciated Miss Jenn coming over in the first place. Regardless of what actually happened last night, Gina couldn’t help but appreciate how much fun she would have had with Miss Jenn alone. She really was an amazing teacher.

Then she pulled the other little bag towards her and carefully pulled the paper out of it. Inside was a knitted scarf. There were multiple colors in no particular pattern and parts of it had looser seams than others. Gina wrapped the scarf around her neck- it smelt like Ricky. It smelt like home.

Just then she heard the door bell ring. She stood up to answer it, but then realized her scarf was still on. She fought it like a snake wrapped around her neck. When it was finally done suffocating her, she ran to the door.

She swung it open and Ricky bolted in, slamming the door behind him.

“I forgot to give you your present!!!”

Gina giggled, “no you didn’t.” She nodded toward her table.

Ricky giggled. “It’s so bad. I’m so sorry. I was just trying to do this really nice thing-“

“Ricky, stop,” Gina said as she laid a hand on his shoulder. “I love it”.

Ricky blushed as he hung his for a second.

He began to walk back towards the door but as he reached for the handle, he dropped his hand. “Oh and Gina?”

“Yeah?”

“I meant what I said about how nice it was that you let us stay here. I don’t even think I realized how much I appreciated it when I said it”.

He then leaned over and gave Gina a soft peck on the cheek, making her entire body relax with this one small moment.

“Merry Christmas, Gina”.

She smiled and said, “Merry Christmas,” softly as he closed the door behind him.

Gina then walked over, wrapped her colorful scarf around her neck, put her little ornament up to her cheek, and did a small happy dance. This happy dance broke into full on spins. And as she moved and hummed throughout the bottom half of her house, she promised to herself that she would not forget about her best Christmas ever.

[la-paritalienne]

Eve!!!! Need your thoughts about Taylor's album!!!! 💓💓💓💓💓💓

i love getting asked :”(((((( :”))))))) thank uuuuuuuu. let’s get to it. as usual, it’s an almost-first impression (normally i write my basic thoughts during the first listen – yeah i’d started doing it before getting this, you know, just in case – and then i review them w a second one, where i also select my favourite passage). sooo, let’s go

♡♡♡♡

the 1 — such sweet yet heartbreaking lyrics... very soft sound, if it sets the mood for the album im 100 per cent in! This one didn’t stick w me after one listen, but after the second i was like wooow! I love how she says waking up alone ughhh. 8

fave lyrics: persist and resist the temptation to ask you / if one thing had been different / would everything be different today?

cardigan — !!!!!!! the sound has that bittersweet something that gets under your skin and makes you nostalgic for something you can’t even pinpoint. it reminds me of the softest lana, especially in nfr (eg bartender!!). i’m in awe. instant obsession!!!! the ending takes you to another plane of existence – ‘cause i knew everything when i was young... i knew you’d miss me... you’d come back to me. also i’m crying. 10+

[it’s hard to choose bc the whole song reads like poetry but i’m especially obsessed w] giving me your weekends; once in twenty lifetimes; tried to change the ending / peter losing wendy; you drew stars around my scars

the last great american dynasty — storytelling on pointttt and sound, too! telling the story of someone she bought her house from?? the genius jumped out. she paints it like a romantic portrait, mad woman pacing on the shore, but then also gatsbian, the crazy parties, dali... and then takes it back to today w the key lime green dog, idk, iconic. i want to know this woman. this song truly takes you somewhere else, i thought it was a bit repetitive but then the bridge came in and the final vocals plus i had a marvelous time ruining everything, i have to stan! 8+

there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen / she had a marvelous time ruining everything

exile — ok wow, bon iver’s voice is something else!!!! i was kind of ignorant when it came to him, i admit. his depth and rasp paired with how angelic she sounds... heavenly. sound-wise, but also thematically, this vaguely reminds me of tomorrow never came w lana and sean ono lennon. (one of my fave songs of all time maybe?). the way they enunciate i think i’ve seen this film before is literally a work of art all in itself, not to mention – well i’m mentioning it bc it’s worth it! – the you never gave a warning sign vs the way she goes over it w i gave so many signs. god this makes me feel sooooo sad and like, involved. it’s so beautiful. 10

you’re not my homeland anymore / so what am i defending now?

my tears ricochet — ok wtfffff??? everything about this speaks to my soul. the airy voice, the way she sets the scene... sunlit room, the funeral metaphor, you turned into your worst fears. i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace speaks to me more than anything, but just, everything about the lyrics. truly something else, cursing my name / wishing i stayed gives me chills everytime she says it. the beat that gets more insistent towards the end, with the bridge....... the high notes that then fade..... just wow. 10

and i can go anywhere i want / anywhere i want, just not home / and you can aim for my heart, go for blood / but you would still miss me in your bones / and i still talk to you when i’m screaming at the sky / and when you can’t sleep at night you hear my stolen lullabies

mirrorball — love the lyrics, maybe a bit less the sound? i mean i do love the sound, so far i’m loving how softly produced and coherent this album is, but this one i wouldn’t listen to on repeat and maybe there’s something a bit whiny that i don’t love. powerful meaning tho, and who’d use a mirrorball as a metaphor for feeling like you’re fragile, trying too hard to be a people-pleaser and no one sees the real you? 7

i’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me

seven — ah........ i started crying as soon as this one started, pleeease picture me in the trees, i hit my peak at seven....... like ok there’s no need to go that hard??? it’s so dreamy and like... naïf? in a perfect way. the way she says i still got love for you...... and everything else... she mentions folk songs... the purest love described in the purest way. i don’t think i have enough words to descrive the way this song moves me. like i want to listen to it again and again, to be able to feel like that again, but also i’m almost scared to listen bc it touches me too deeply. i still will tho hehe. 10+ (also just realised this is track 7 ok makes sense but my mind is blown. 100)

[this is literally deeper than a shakespeare sonnet so everything literally is my fave but, having to choose] and i’ve been meaning to tell you / i think your house is haunted / your dad is always mad and that must be why / and i think you should come live with me / and we can be pirates / then you won’t have to cry / or hide in the closet / and just like a folk song / our love will be passed on

august — i love the contrast between the lighthearted, happy singing and guitars and the sad lyrics. the story it tells is so simple and yet there’s so much poetry in that... plus it reminds me of fearless or even speak now?? which are like. the taylor that gets to my heart, tbh. the bridge and the outro made the song for me. 8,5

for me, it was enough / to live for the hope of it all / canceled plans just in case you’d call

this is me trying — oh god... lyrically this song is so raw and honest, it gives me chills! i do have to say, i don’t love how she says i just wanted to know (like metrically?? idk, im weird) but these are really just small comments on amazing songs, bc i feel like all i’m saying is wow this is great, lyrics and sound, but it truly is a complete and consistent work of art, easily listened to top to bottom each time. 8-

they told me all of my cages were mental / so got wasted like all my potential / and my words shoot to kill when i’m mad / i have a lot of regrets about that

illicit affairs — ok this goes without saying but i love storyteller taylor, it’s the taylor i grew up loving and singing to in my room. the thing about most of these songs, this one included, is that they probably grow on you after a few listens, bc they’re not made to be catchy, the production and backgrounds are always very soft and some i love more than others. this one musically maybe isn’t my fave but the narration is on point, and the bridge?? the fuckkkk. plus it has one of mt favourite themes ever which is so rarely spoken about, which is the fact that language you only speak w a particular someone you love, makes you miss them even more when they’re gone. or well not exactly this but i can’t put it into words, she did tho. 8+

you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else / and you know damn well / for you, i would ruin myself / a million little times

invisible string — the color theme!!! the guitar strumming!!! and the idea of an invisible tie w someone special... i do think she outdid herself w this album. again, not my fave soundwise, maybe slightly whiny when she goes meEeeEee? but, lyrically adorable and moving. 7,5

one single thread of gold / tied me to you

mad woman — maam...... this is iconic shit........ how could she say stuff like this w such a dreamy, breathy voice. musically i get huuuge lana’a nfr vibes again (which i mean. goals) but i also adore that lyrically it’s so taylor, no one would say this shit the way she does. adore how she sings to wrap your news around and bonus for women like hunting witches too, i do love me a nod to the fact that some women are so deeply filled w machism that they’re basically men in disguise. 8,5 

every time you call me crazy, i get more crazy / what about that? / and when you say i seem angry, i get more angry [isn’t this just womanhood condensed in a few lines]

epiphany — aw! it sounds like a lullaby, maybe it’s slightly ‘boring’ for my taste? meaning i get distracted which is surely a shame bc the words seem beautiful, but it’s so soft i just drift off? but reading the lyrics – for focus hehe – i’m moved. 7+

only twenty minutes to sleep / but you dream of some epiphany / just one single glimpse of relief / to make some sense of what you’ve seen

betty — okay byeeeeeeeeee. this is taylor at her finest! countryyyyyyyy, storytelling, lesbian jdjdfk no yeah I know I knowww, romance went sour. gut wrenching and beautiful, this feels like... watching a sad teen movie but w a sepia filter, idk. i dreamt of you all summer long oh my......... it’s like og taylor from her iconic first couple of albums came back but w all her baggage and growth and experience and better than ever. also why does taylor sing so wel about being in love w a woman????? well. 10+

betty, right now is the last time / i can dream about what happens when / you see my face again

peace — ..........yes yes yes. the high notes, the honesty, the syncopated parts where she says so much so quick and yet it still hits you. it’s not even a short song but it ends too soon, it goes by like that..... a poem. omg it just hit me this has flo vibes! especially from high as hope, for example grace or south london forever?? i mean... taylor doing alt folk country pop...... queen. give you my wild, give you a child?? ok ok. 10

all these people think love’s for show / but i would die for you in secret

hoax — weeeell the lana inspo jumped out w that piano!!!!! and like. mood. and lyrics...... this reminds me of wuthering heights or of lana’s tormented love stories (shades of blue.....). a powerful closer. poetry. 9

i am ash from your fire

♡♡♡♡

okkkkk this was a flattering review, very well deserved imo since the review is mine gjgjhkhk i agree w myself. thank you again and as i always say, feel free to come back w your comments! and have a great dayyyyy! much love

[persephonescat]

Birds and Other Supernatural Phenomenons

Okay, so this got way longer than expected, and I've re-written it like a thousand times, so I have to post it before I go completely crazy. Enjoy!

Ch. 1    Previous    Next    Masterpost    AO3

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Ch. 6: Cats and Dogs

Marinette almost died that night. It was so incredibly stupid, that if she hadn't felt so shitty in the morning, she might've had laughed at it.

She blamed Jeremy. They were sitting on the roof until five AM when he had to leave - probably to get ready for school, but Marinette didn't ask. 

He wasn't supposed to stay for so long in the first place, but she started teaching him French, and he was so hilariously incompetent, they forgot to check the time. He was pretty freaked out when he realized it was almost morning.

Okay. That sucks but no biggie, right? 

Honestly, everything would've been perfectly fine if Jeremy'd let her drink her coffee. She went down to get one around two AM when she was already on the verge of passing out - forty-two hours of not sleeping will do that to you, but as soon as she put it down on the roof, Jeremy accidentally knocked it over. She watched as the sacred liquid painted the cold concrete black, and didn't go back for a new cup.

After he left, she fell asleep. On the roof. In the cold.

Ladybugs and cold didn't go well together. By the time Tikki decided to come out of the hotel room and check on her, the Sun was already up, and Marinette's body was freezing. She was still asleep, of course, because being half-dead usually isn't enough to wake her up.

When the kwami shooked her awake, everything hurt. She couldn't feel her legs and hands, her eyes seemed to roll out of their sockets any minute, and she was so freaking cold. It took her an hour to feel her fingers again, and Tikki used the time to lecture her about her sleeping habits. She had a point, not as if she would ever tell her that.

So yes, it was definitely Jeremy's fault. 

***

After breakfast and on Marinette's side, a few hectoliters of green tea, Mrs. Bustier and Miss Alarie, a relatively new teacher who was accompanying them on their trip, decided to take them on a walk. In Gotham. Even Marinette's sleep-deprived and frozen-over brain could see the fault in that plan. Multiple faults, to be exact.

But given that there was no responsible adult on sight - or a slightly intelligent goose who could point that out, - they went on a walk.

Mrs. Bustier went out front, Miss Alarie was at the end of the line, and Marinette was walking a few steps behind her because she liked to think she wasn't a complete idiot and had no desire to see all her classmates die from a threat she didn't see coming.

At least they were pretty entertaining to watch.

Adrien was reading a book he got the day before without looking up, not falling over once, which would've been impressive if he wasn't Chat Noir for three years in the past. Nino was listening to music with his headphones on - not realizing he forgot to plug it into his phone, so everyone could hear the electronic tones blaming from his speaker. Rose pushed her face to every single shop window they walked past, and Alix was trying very hard to not fall on her face in roller skates. Meanwhile, Mylene somehow got gum in her hair, which she and Ivan have been struggling to get out for the past half hour. 

Chloe was fighting with Lila over some celebrity's personal life, while next to them, Juleka and Sabrina were watching a movie on a small smartphone, with Max lecturing them about megabytes, satellites and something else, that also ended in '-ites'. Perhaps egg whites. Or gravesites. If she looked very hard, she could even notice the way Nathaniel moved to the rhythm of Nino's music while playing a game on Max's phone.

Kim seemed to be the only one actually looking at the buildings and people around them, and Alya was... well, Alya was live-tweeting everything. She tended to be a little over-enthusiastic sometimes.

The streets kept getting more and more familiar as they got near to the Wayne Tower. Marinette was just about to disappear and get to know the city's coffee machines when turning in the corner, someone ran into her. Literally.

She grabbed the poor man by his waist just in time to save him from falling on his face, but let go as soon as he got his balance back. She didn't like touching with people, especially not strangers.

"Huh, I'm sorry," he said, panting heavily. "I wasn't paying attention."

"It's fine," muttered Marinette, giving him a concerned look. "Are you alright?"

"Sure, just..." The man stopped, leaned on his knees, and tried to even out his breathing, "Just give me a minute."

Marinette glanced at her class walking away, not noticing her departure and found herself grateful for having a reason to sneak off for a bit.

She used the time to take a better look at the man. He was around thirty, tall and muscular, so he must've run a lot to be so out of breath. He was wearing an expensive suit. A very expensive designer suit, that matched his hair's rich black color perfectly. He looked like someone who just walked off a magazine's front page, except that his tie was messy - he probably tried to loosen it while running. However, the truly upsetting thing about him was - and Marinette had to check it multiple times to be sure, - that he had only one shoe.

His left side was fine, but on his right foot, there was nothing but a wet and dirty, Superman-themed sock.

"Okay, so let's start this over," the man said, straightening up and dusting off his suit-jacket. "Hi. I'm Dick. I'm sorry for bumping into you." He held out his hand for a handshake, which Marinette simply ignored, looking at him expectantly.

He let his arm down and dug into his hair awkwardly.

"Okay, so... you didn't happen to see a dog around here, did ya'? Big, brown, might've had a shoe in his mouth..."

"No," Marinette said slowly, masking her accent, but her thoughts were already flashing rapidly. "But how about I help you get your shoe back?" she started, noting the wary look Dick gave her.

He was about to ask her why on Earth would she do that but she lifted a finger, telling him to wait.

In Gotham, everything had a price, and she was familiar with that. She saw how embarrassed he was. She could work with that.

"And in exchange, you tell me how you lost it." She gave him a confident smile to convince him of her interest.

"How do I know you can help me?" he asked seriously, but there was a playful glare in his eyes.

"You don't. You're just going to have to trust me, Superman." 

With that, she started walking to the direction her class just came from. Dick paced after her easily and frowned.

"You know you shouldn't be walking around here alone, right?"

"I'm not alone. You're with me," she grinned.

"Yeah, well you shouldn't be walking around with strangers either."

She gave him a flat look and said, "You're wearing a Superman-themed sock and you lost your shoe. I figured you won't kill me for fun."

"Hey, have you heard of the Joker? He is a freakin' clown!"

"Everyone knows clowns are creepy," Marinette told him and that was enough for her to consider the topic closed.

Dick let out a resigned sigh and for a few moments, they walked in silence.

"Now what?" he asked finally.

"Now," Marinette said, opening the door to a butcher's shop, "we get some bait."

***

"Okay," She could see the gears turning in Dick's head, "but you have to promise you won't laugh."

"That wasn't part of the deal." 

They bought a few nice bones for the dog and were now walking around seemingly aimlessly, searching. They both knew exactly where they were but they weren't about to show that to the other.

Marinette grinned as Dick let out yet another sigh and started the story.

"So. I was sitting on a bench, having breakfast, minding my own business and stuff, ya' know?" Marinette hummed in agreement and almost told Dick to speak more slowly but she decided that would be too cruel. "So I'm sitting there, and then - don't laugh, I see you're about to laugh, - and then I feel something on my shoe. I look at it, and it's a freaking kitty! Like a legit, gray kitty playing with my shoelaces!" Marinette had a hard time keeping a straight face but kept nodding. "So naturally, I take off my shoe, because a kitty wants to play with me, and I have a heart, you know - stop grinning! - And I start to play with the cat because you should've seen her, she was adorable! But then here comes this big, dark blob running towards us, it's a fuckin' dog, you get it? Like what was the chance of that? And it's running with freaking light speed, - and I told you to stop grinning! - And it scares the kitty away, and then, - of course, my shoe is on the ground at this point, - he picks it up and runs off! Like what the hell?" he finally stopped gesticulating wildly and let out a frustrated groan.

"And you ran after it," Marinette continued, trying to hold back her laughter.

"Of course! I didn't think it was gonna disappear! I thought it'll run around a little, then lie down or something."

She continued grinning but Dick pointedly ignored her until they turned around a corner. Suddenly, he grabbed her arm and whispered cautiously.

"That's him!"

"Really? I thought it's a different big, brown dog chewing formal footwear," Marinette said quietly and brushed his hand off. 

She moved slowly but surely. She didn't go towards the dog, she crossed the street and set the bag of bones off, showing it to the animal. It was looking at her with murder in its eyes. She stood up and calmly walked back to Dick's side.

"Now, wait," she told him.

A minute passed before the dog walked to the bones, sniffed them, then started tearing the bag apart. Dick was staring at its fangs as Marinette tugged him by his shirt. She picked up the chewed shoe lying abandoned.

"Here you go," she told him, holding it up with only two fingers.

"Thanks." He grimaced. "How did you know he was going to be here?"

'I noticed this place when I was looking for potential escape routes for my class while walking. The dog didn't go to our direction, so it must've come this way, and this seemed like a good place to start.'

"I'm good with animals," she said instead, winking. "And by the way, how do you know it's a 'he'?"

"I just know. Instincts," he said while jumping on one leg, trying to put on his ruined shoe.

________________

Comments are my brain-food, comfort-food, and shit-I-forgot-I-have-an-exam-tomorrow-food, so penny for your thoughts!

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[principalles]

some magical princesses.

@loveurn

"do you wanna play at dress up?” 

hanna’s attention grabbed, her hands firmly grasped in jamie’s and the game could go on soon as she looked up in bright eyes, wide and sparkling with all the mischief the world could have encompassed in the warmth of her brown. 

“come now it’s time to play!” 

did it help that jamie’s voice was singing along to the notes of the infamous disney’s song, do you wanna build a snowman? very proudly and like she could have played anna herself in the movie it came from. the very legendary frozen. 

“quit it, we have work to do, tons, loads of wooork!”

well yes. at times, hanna, despite having the name of the most ecstatic of the frozen’s sisters, could be quite a mood dampener. but just like the real anna, in Frozen, had a quirk for bringing the most jovial side of elsa out of her. this jamie, whether in her frozen mode or not, definitely had a knack or two under her sleeves for how to defrost her very own hanna. 

“what if i tell you, there’s this amazing dress, all pastel blue, that would look soooo good your tutor would forget what algebra stands for the moment he takes a look at you in it and i,” jamie only let go of hanna’s hands so she could reverently address herself with her hands on her chest, “your dearest friend, know where to find that blue dress.” 

“you make it sound a pretty dress is only good for boys.” maybe. and maybe hanna looked like she was not liking the idea, but color jamie an idiot if she didn’t know her best friend enough to notice the slight coloring of her face at the underlying intent behind looking pretty. but also, she did have a point. 

“trust me, when i saw that dress i didn’t think of how you’d look good for anyone but yourself and me.” that was the absolute truth. because jamie was the last to think that a girl, a woman, a lady, a little lady could not decide to pamper herself solely for her own pleasure. it was the first idea behind any type of glamor and fashion if you asked her. there was also no lie in her statement that she’d immediately thought of hanna at the sight of said dress that was making her impatient to leave all of these books and notebooks and laptop behind right now.

the aroma in this coffee shop held a lot of good memories and rather excruciating ones, but she could pass it up for the fresh smell of new clothes any day, any time. 

“come on, let’s go, yeah? i am pretty sure it’s a brand new store too!” 

dragging hanna anywhere, especially to go shopping was never a difficult task. today was no different, maybe with a little playful resistance, a roll of her eyes. but her smile was the same one she always gave jamie, the genuine one, that told of millions of other escapades like this one. million others that had given then just the same amount of memories to cherish, this one was just another cherry on top of the many others their cakes held together without so much as a sign of near collapse. 

plus, a little break would help not fry their pretty brains. 

coffee break

not only did the little break help not fry their minds, it also tremendously heightened their sense of happiness. although, that one was always in play where hanna was concerned. she had that about her, once you got past her tough as nails exterior of course. which she wore so well, one might mistakenly think it was more than simply skin deep reinforcement. 

jamie knew better though. jamie had been privy to many facets of her friend that others only wished they had gotten close enough to get a glimpse of. even that tutor of hers. at least she liked to think that she had all of hanna’s quirks all to herself when they were together, otherwise a bit of a jealous streak might start to slightly dampen her humor. 

although that would be short lived, because if there was ever anything hanna could not show jamie but she could show to someone else, then truly, jamie was happy she could do it with anyoen at all. 

“ok, so give us a happy twirl now.” she mimicked said twirl with her finger to properly show hanna where to turn, because jamie was the stylist of the day and maybe, just maybe the shopping trip had been more let’s get hanna to try out as many dresses as possible because she looks amazing in them more than anything else. big maybe. 

but it honestly looked so good, and hanna looked more than happy in it. this was not the pastel blue one, that one had been tried and bought long ago. this one was about the tenth dress? at least it was the one that was making hanna the happiest it seemed and jamie considered her job well done if it made hanna look like a child getting candy for the first time.

that was a feeling every adult needed to get back at the very least once a day. jamie always made sure to get her fix multiple times during the time, she had to keep her serotonin level at the highest of all highs, ok? she was certain this was a princess’ ultimate diet. 

“the material is so good, you wouldn’t even know looking at it.” 

ah yes, of course, fashion designer hanna always came knocking. her fingers touching the hem of the dress, feeling it up all the way to the straps of it on her shoulders. all those frills though, they could look overdone if one went too far with the waves of the bottom of the dress. but they didn’t because they kept the bottom very simple.

it might flow with every of her movements, much like a princess’ dress would, but it went on a bit shorter than what said princesses would wear. it also kept itself firm and didn’t lose any of its details if hanna were to make a sudden movement. 

“all you need is a magic wand now.” jamie said dreamily from where she’d resumed herself to watching hanna comment on the outfit like the professional she was. while also looking literally like she’d come out of a fairy tale. 

“i thought i was a princess?” “yes, a magical princess, they exist no?”

by the look hanna gave her and the light shake of her head, probably not. 

“then we need to make one, in fact,” tempt the silliness out of jamie and though shall have what you wished for. she rummaged through the bag sitting next to her for what she was sure she had, pulling it out with a little victorious sound, a bright big lollipop. now with her makeshift of a wand in hand she held it proudly and drew some invisible lines in the air, “i proclaim you hanna the first of many magical princesses to come.”

hanna laughed through her, “what do you smoke? i want an infinite amount of it.”

to which jamie sighed happily, “that would make two of us, because believe it or not, the brand i smoke is rare and so hard to find. it’s got long black hair, gorgeous cat like eyes, a bit of a crooked smile, a body to kill for. oh no, i think it’s turning a little red right now. oh no, it’s coming close, too close, no, i’ll overdose.” 

held hands or not though, hanna was already by her side and holding her in some bone crushing hug that had them both laughing to the point of almost toppling over the edge of the leathered bench. 

before the end

the day was a successful mission, even by jamie’s high expectations. leaving hanna to her driver was another playful show of, no hanna don’t leave me all alone in this cold. some high pitched singing, many, many giggles later and jamie was home in a hurry to put away all the bags she had in her bags and to get ready for her evening routine. but first thing first, of course she had to pitch in that last bit of natural happy vitamin. 

well, first put the bags together in one spot. second, take a picture. third, send it to sam with a nice caption. 

if you can come by first thing tomorrow, i’ll give you a fashion show.👠👠👠

[minotaurman-ayjay]

Do not drink and drive

This post details the car accident that I survived.

It will be about how the accident occurred.

What happened to me (Injuries, Court).

What happened to the drunk driver (Prosecution)

and where I am, now.

TW: graphic details of car accident trauma, pictures of x-rays (when I get them). Details of out-of-body experience, and potential glimpse on the afterlife.

In 2015, I had just bought a brand new car, a black and gunmetal grey Volkswagen CC. I loved that car, and I was going to treat it like it was my baby. I bought the big, thick manual that details every part of the car so I can fix it myself if I ever need to.

I didn’t even have the car for more than 3 months.

I was at an intersection, about to go north (one way) on an entrance ramp to the highway. I saw these headlights coming toward me. I didn’t think anything of it at first until I remembered “Wait a minute, this is one way.” Before I could finish that thought, he had collided head-on with me. “Why didn’t you react earlier? You knew you were on a one-way street.” Let me tell you, even though you *know* you’re on a one-way street, to see headlights coming at you is confusing. It’s disorienting, and usually it’s way too late when you remember that YOU’RE the one going the right way, and this motherfucker is about to hit you.

He was in a huge pickup truck called a “dually”, it’s a pickup truck that has a set of two wheels in the back and has a hell of a lot of horsepower.

When he collided with me, his truck went over my car, nearly crushing me in the process. One of his tires was about 3 inches away from my face.

I was pinned under the dashboard, I had lost consciousness. I vaguely remember someone holding my hand and saying “It’s going to be okay. Just stay with me.“  I had an out-of-body experience, I saw myself getting extracted out of the car. I was pretty beat up, my face was scuffed up and bloody from the scrapes of the airbag hitting me. When I was pulled out of the car, my limbs were listless like noodles. I remember seeing my legs… My feet, in particular. Both of my ankles were dislocated, and my hip was dislocated and it looked like it was nearly coming out of my skin.

This is where my out-of-body experience ends. I briefly regained consciousness in the ambulance, I don’t remember if I had an exchange with the EMTs or anything like that, because soon I had fallen asleep again.

Then I remember waking up at this house that I had never seen before. There were people everywhere, music being blared, it looked like a party. I approached the door and my friend Evan, who had died several years before in an accident where he was killed by drunk driving, was at the door with is arms crossed.

I’ll never forget this shocked expression on his face as he asked me "What the hell are you doing here?” and I was like “What are you talking about? You invited me.” He scoffed “Like hell I did, man. Go back home. You’re not supposed to be here.” I thought he was just being an asshole, and we were always confrontational with each other… But it’s all in jest. I posted up to him and said “Fuckin make me, man.”, and then he shoved me.

The shove was so realistic, so jarring, so violent that I had fallen backwards— and then I woke up in the hospital, and according to my mother I was on my way to Radiology to get xrays when I came to. I don’t know if I caught a glimpse of some afterlife, or if I was dreaming, but it was very real. My mom knows that I almost died, and watched me fight for my life.

Anyway, they had to restrain me because the drugs that they had given me made me combative. I was taken to the hospital where my mom works, as it was the closest hospital to the accident scene. She was also on duty that day, and for her to see me like that *had* to have been traumatizing to her.

Apparently I continued to go in and out of consciousness, and when I finally came to for good, I was in the ICU.

The moment I woke up, I felt this whole body pain, like an elephant was sitting on me. Not just my chest, but my whole body felt crushed under this gigantic weight. It was so much pain that it literally felt like weight, like I had woken up on a different planet and the gravity was crushing me. I begged and begged and begged for pain relief, I couldn’t breathe. My mom put the morphine control in my hand and told me to press it. I clicked that thing probably 4 or 5 times. It probably only worked once, but by then I didn’t care. I was so divided from the pain that it didn’t matter anymore.

My mom told me what happened, and what my damage was.

1) I had brain damage and a severe concussion. I was monitored in the ICU for 3 days to make sure I didn’t have a brain bleed they couldn’t detect.  (I can’t remember the details of the brain damage). I had to relearn words, I had to relearn how to talk without stuttering or forgetting what I was saying mid-sentence, or having a word just disappear on me. This still happens from time to time.

2) My sternum had been displaced. Meaning it was fractured and pushed inward. Had my sternum been pushed in any further, I would have died. To this day, I still live with this. Because of this I cannot bind. I still cannot afford the surgery necessary to reposition my sternum.

3) My hip was so severely dislocated that it broke the acetabulum. This is the socket that cradles the ball joint in your hip. I still live with hip complications to this day. Because of this dislocation and the missing piece of acetabulum, I have degenerative osteoarthritis in my hip. I am a fall risk without a cane. I need a hip replacement, but surprise, I cannot afford the surgery.

4) Both of my ankles were dislocated and had bilatural fractures… Which means I had fractures on both sides of both ankles. One of the ankle bones was crushed beyond repair. I needed rods, plates, screws, and a bone graph. I still live with ankle complications to this day. Because of the surgeries and extensive injuries, I have degenerative osteoarthritis in my ankles. If I am to be on my feet or walking for more than an hour, I need to wear boots that are high topped to support my ankles. The drunk driver’s insurance was able to cover these surgery… However, as it became apparent over the years that I needed more surgeries and had more complications because of the MVA, it turned out that the drunk driver had changed auto insurance companies. Since America is the Greatest Country In The World™, health insurance providers DO NOT COVER INJURIES THAT ARE A RESULT FROM CAR ACCIDENTS. You have to go through the at-fault party’s Auto Insurance to get your bills paid. However, SOME health insurance companies WILL temporarily cover what is needed and will go after the at-fault party’s health insurance on your behalf.

But since this fucking shit smear changed insurance companies, I am absolutely fucked, and I can’t track him down to sue him.

5) I have damage to my eardrum. Luckily, it was not punctured by the force of the airbag hitting the right side of my face.

6) I have nerve damage in my knee (somehow? I don’t understand it, either) I can’t kneel on it. I either feel nothing (like the body part isn’t mine or something?) or excruciating pain when I try. There is no in between. Sometimes the nerve damage *itches like fuck*, but I cannot scratch it, as I will either feel nothing, or it will hurt.

7) I have nerve damage on the tops of my feet. I do not like it when my feet are touched. It causes electric shock feelings that travel to my ankle. It’s not pretty.

8) I have nerve damage in my face. I have Trigeminal Neuralgia that is secondary to trauma. Look at my “bloggy” tag to learn more about this.

9) I now have fibromyalgia. When it’s cold, or rainy, or if I’ve pushed myself too much, I will wake up the next morning feeling like I just came to in the ICU. Where I feel this full body pain that’s like an excruciating weight. Luckily, marijuana helps me with fibromyalgia and trigeminal neuralgia flare ups. I take a 2,000mg of gabapentin (spaced throughout the day) and 200mg of seroquil to manage them.

10) I have PTSD that is triggered by the smell of hot metal, the sound of circular saws, and by car accident scenes in movies. It took me forever to get over being gunshy in an intersection, and to even drive at all.

I was bedbound for 2 months, and wheelchair bound for 8 months. I was taking physical therapy and speech therapy for a year before my restitution to cover it had run out.

Needless to say, my quality of life had taken a drastic decline, compared to me pre-accident. Before the accident, I was in shape again. I was gaining muscle and I was close to meeting what I call my “healthy dad-bod” goals. I was going to go to police academy that year, but that was because I wanted to be an investigator for the Crimes Against Children Unit. I’ve had to reshape my future entirely. At the end of it all, my bills were $110,000. Luckily, I only had to pay $10,000 out of pocket, and that’s *LUCKILY*

So, what happened to the drunk driver?

The trial did not last long, he has been given 10 years probation (and straight to prison if he violates), mandatory rehabilitation, and to pay me restitution. Which had recently run out. I don’t know what has become of him, because as I said, I cannot track him down to sue him for my ongoing injuries.

If you are EVER considering driving while drunk, don’t fucking do it. Do not think you are invincible. Do not think it’s not going to happen to you. Do not think you’re not going to hurt someone. I don’t care if you are a “functioning alcoholic” or a ��seasoned drinking veteran”, you WILL fuck up. This man that had hit me was 63 years old, and has probably been driving drunk for who knows how long. And once you DO fuck up, you are going to kill somebody. IF they DO manage to live through YOUR mistake, their life is changed *forever* and their quality of life will NEVER be the same again.

You are garbage the moment you sit in the driver’s side with booze in your blood.

[dustinreidmusic]

DR. JOHN BIO

“All my sisters married doctors”, said Dorothy Cronin Rebennack, the mother of Mac Rebennack. “ But only I had a Dr. John”. Indeed, there can be only one Malcolm Rebennack, aka “ Doctor John Creaux, the Night Tripper”. There can only be one walking repository of the storied city of New Orleans’ thriving musical history. There can be only one author of such classic songs as “ Right Place, Wrong Time”, “ Such A Night”, “Litanie Des Saintes”, and “I Walk On Gilded Splinters”. There can be only one torchbearer for the Crescent City sound as it second-lines its way into its fourth century. So Mrs. Rebennack was right -- physicians are indeed a dime a dozen in this doctor-clogged country; but a musician of her son’s caliber comes along but once in a very blue moon. Malcolm John Rebennack Jr. was born in New Orleans a full month after term on Thanksgiving Day (November 20) 1942. Weighing a full ten pounds, Mac, as he came to be called, was born into a music-loving family in America’s most musical city. While still an infant, Rebennack starred as a model for various baby products, and showed remarkable musical ability in early childhood. By the age of three he was already hammering out melodies on the family piano, and soon exhausted the talents of the nun who was hired to give him lessons some years later. “If I play what his next lesson is going to be”, the sister complained, “he will play it right behind me, note for note”, His good-timing Aunt Andre, who it can be safe to assume had funkier taste than the nun, taught him the “Pinetop Boogie-Woogie”. My aunt was a groovy old broad”, Rebennack recalled in “Up from the Cradle of Jazz”. “I used to drive everybody mad playing it”. Malcolm Rebennack Sr. was an appliance store owner who, as is traditional in New Orleans, also stocked the latest hit records. Thus young Mac was privy from early childhood to almost any music he wanted. Some years later the Rebennack appliance store was forced to close, and Mac lost his pipeline to the goldmine. But soon his father found work in a line even better suited to those of musical bent: PA system repair. The two Rebennacks would often be seen trundling in tandem to various nightclubs around town, bloodbucket dives with names like the Pepper Pot and the Cadillac Club. Always forbidden to enter the clubs, Mac would wait for his father to repair the system, and then peer in and dissect the musicians. It was at the Pepper Pot, in fact, and in this manner that Mac first saw Professor Longhair’s magical keyboard frolics. At the age of seven Rebennack suffered through a bout of malaria. Even as a child, the over-modest Mac had decided that he could never cut it as a pianist in New Orleans. As he remembered wondering, “How was I going to complete with killer players like Tuts Washington? Salvador Doucette? Herbert Santina? Professor Longhair himself? And the list only began there”. He had, even before his illness, agitated to take up the guitar. His long convalescence enabled him to air his plea with such incessancy, such vehemence, that his beleaguered parents finally gave in. He was sent for instruction to Werlein’s Music Store on Canal Street, already at that time a New Orleans institution and still in business today. His teacher soon sussed that Mac was going to be a difficult, if talented student. The instructor delivered a verdict along the line of, “Good ear, will never learn to read music”. The fancy, store-bought lessons ceased forthwith; but Mac was still hard at it. He locked himself in his room for weeks on end, learning by ear the licks of his twin idols of the time: T-Bone Walker and Lightning Hopkins. “If I can’t make it as T-Bone, I’ll try Lightning, he told himself. His father, seeing that his son had a talent and drive, and being himself connected in the music scene, made a wonderful decision. He persuaded Walter “Papoose” Nelson to instruct his son. Papoose was Fats Domino’s lead guitarist (and the son of Louis Armstrong’s lead guitarist) and had long been a hero to Rebennack. As Mac recalled: “The first lesson, Papoose listened to my chops and said ‘Hey, man, you can’t play that shit and get a job. What are you, crazy? That outta-meter, foot-beater jive. You gotta play stuff like this’. Then he started playing legitimate blues, which I was on the trail of with T-Bone Walker. It was the Lightning shuffle that was off the wall as far as Papoose was concerned”. Papoose’s primary contributions to Mac’s musical education were twofold. First, it was Nelson who finally won Mac over to the benefits of learning to read music. Second, to impart musical discipline, Nelson would force Mac to play rhythm guitar for hours on end, never allowing him a solo. Mac’s next teacher, Roy Montrell, also imparted a valuable lesson. To his first lesson with this new teacher, Mac bounded in with his brand new guitar, “a cheap but flashy-looking green-and-black Harmony”. Roy took at the guitar and (said) ‘Why’d you bring this piece of shit over here?’ ‘It’s my guitar’, I said. ‘Give me that guitar’. He took it, walked outside into the backyard, laid it on the ground, picked up an axe, and split it right in half. Then he broke it in pieces and threw it in the neighbour’s yard”. That done, he called Malcolm Rebennack Sr. on the phone and arranged for Mac to come back next week with a second-hand Gibson, an axe that Mac found himself working overtime with his father to pay for. By the time Mac was on the cusp of his teens, he was a somewhat streetwise musician, hanging out in black clubs and scoring drugs in the projects for his older “junko partners”, or drug-buddies. Soon he was smoking pot himself, and in due course he progressed to pills, coke, and eventually junk. All the while, he was attending the south’s most prestigious Catholic high school, New Orleans Jesuit. In class, he daydreamed and wrote songs, which he would deliver to the offices at Specialty Records, and plotted gigs with several high school bands. Something had to give, and as one can imagine, it was school. He dropped out a year of graduation and later, while in prison, obtained a correspondence course diploma. Not that in his lines of work he needed any such qualification. Soon he was a fully-fledged constituent of the New Orleans underworld. In addition to his burgeoning songwriting work, his session playing, and road gigs both local and regional, Mac attempted half-hearted sidelines such as pimping, forgery, and as an auteur of pornographic movies. His running buddies included street characters with names like Opium Rose, Betty Boobs, Stalebread Charlie, Buckethead Billy, and Mr. Oaks and Herbs. Meanwhile, he entered into a star-crossed, drug-sodden marriage to Lydia Crow. Lydia, though no shrinking violet herself, did attempt to go straight from time to time. But Mac would hear nothing of it, and their marriage ended by 1961. His personal life a shambles, Mac’s professional life was faring better. He was kicking serious ass in the studio, and it is his guitar one still hears today on Professor Longhair’s, “Mardi Gras in New Orleans”. Mac-penned tunes like “Losing Battle” (a hit for Johnny Adams) and “Losing Battle” (recorded by Jerry Byrne) (the same song?) were just two of his fifty compositions recorded in New Orleans between 1955 and 1963. But (as is well-known today) the record companies of the 1950’s were not exactly ready coughers-up of royalties, so most of Mac’s compensation came from his sessions, gigs, and mostly ludicrous street tough sidelines. One such example of the corruption of the New Orleans music business of the ‘50s will suffice. Rebennack wrote a song entitled, “Try Not To Think About You” which languished unrecorded in the offices at Specialty Records for a while. Unrecorded, and more importantly, uncopyrighted. It eventually came to the attention of Lloyd Price, who changed the title to “Lady Luck”, switched record labels, and changed the composer’s name to - you guessed it - Lloyd Price. It would have been Rebennack’s biggest hit up to that date. After literally stalking Price, gun in hand (Mac planned on wasting him backstage after a show) for some time, he finally cooled off and chalked it up to bitter experience. An absurd coda ensured, when Rebennack’s parents unknowingly hired Price’s own attorney to sue Price for the royalties from “Lady Luck”. The lawyer, Mac related, “pocketed the change and did nothing. for a minute, I was afraid if I ever ran across that bastard, I’d kill him, too”. Such chicanery aside, New Orleans of the 1950s was a paradise for musicians. Always a wide-open town (by American standards), the Crescent City was never more raucous and hard-partying than it was then. Gigs abounded in the all-night bars, bordellos, tourist joints, society haunts, and neighborhood taverns. That Rebennack was far ahead of his time regarding race helped him find work, but also earned him some less-enlightened enemies on both sides of the color line. He began to run into flak from the two musician’s union (one black, one white) for having the temerity to play with opposite-hued musicians. Eventually these unions and the crusading, publicity-seeking New Orleans District Attorney Jim Garrison were to conspire to run Rebennack and most of the rest of the New Orleans music scene right out of town. The union began levying exorbitant fines on Rebennack (officially for playing scab sessions) and blacklisting record producers (like the legendary Cosimo Matassa) who dared to buy the latest equipment. Their short-sighted thinking was that new equipment would equal less studio time instead of more polished records and bigger hits. Garrison, for his part, launched a crusade on vice which closed down the thriving whorehouses and gambling dens, both important sources of income for both the music and tourist industries. Rebennack’s troubles were only beginning. A fracas with a Jacksonville, Florida hotelier resulted in Rebennack getting the ring finger shot nearly off his left hand. Doctors reconstructed the finger to a degree, but not to the point that would enable him to resume making a living with a guitar. He was forced into playing bass with the tourist-oriented French Quarter Dixieland bands, a gig that convulsed him with boredom. He sank deeper than ever into heroin, and it was then that his marriage ended. To top it all, he was busted by Garrison’s goons for heroin possession, a charge that was to send him eventually to a Federal prison hospital in Fort Worth, Texas. There he served as a guinea pig for the various and infamous rehabilitation experiments then -as now - rampant in the land. He was released embittered but not in the least rehabilitated. He returned briefly to New Orleans and was given some pointers on the organ from Crescent City keyboard maestro James Booker. However, he soon soured on Garrison’s Brave New Orleans and at the invitation of an old friend (saxophonist/arranger Harold Battiste) flew out to Los Angeles. A contingent of New Orleans musicians had already set up shop in the City of Angels, and Rebennack fell quickly to work doing studio odd jobs under the auspices of Battiste. Battiste was the brains (ahem) behind Sonny & Cher, and was a close associate of Phil Spector. Battiste mortared Rebennack in on some of Spector’s sessions, but Mac did not enjoy being just another brick in the ‘Wall of Sound’. He called it, “a monument to waste with echo all over the place! It was just padding the payroll, as far as I could see”. He held down a brief stint as Frank Zappa’s pianist, but found that stultifying as well. This gave him an entrée into the acid rock world, in his words, “all these little acid groups springing up like mutant fungus after a chemical spill”. He attempted to work with Iron Butterfly, whom he termed “Iron Butterfingers” and Buffalo Springfield to little if any effect. A frustrating term as in-house producer with Mercury Records followed, but Rebennack and his cohorts suspected that it was just a tax dodge. He was more musically frustrated than he had ever been in New Orleans, and his drug woes continued unabated. As a parolee, he was under the watchful eyes of a great many government agencies as well. But slowly, the concept was forming that was to take him to heights he wouldn’t have dared dreamt possible. Growing up in New Orleans, Rebennack had eagerly immersed himself in the City’s myriad native traditions and home-grown Afro-Latin religions. He himself was a half-hearted practitioner of gris-gris, New Orleans’ own unique branch of the voodoo tree. In his avid studies of the history and religion of the city, he had thrilled to the stories of John Montaigne aka Bayou John aka and most frequently, Dr.John. John was a Senegalese of self-proclaimed royal lineage who had been taken from Africa by slavers to Cuba. There he won his freedom, and shipped out as a sailor before eventually choosing to settle in New Orleans. He set up shop as a shaman, telling fortunes, healing, and selling a cornucopia of hexes. He was good at his job, and eventually prospered to the point where he even owned slaves himself. The kicker for Rebennack was coming across an account of a 19th Century vice bust in which John was arrested with one Pauline Rebennack for voodoo-related offences and suspicion of operating a whorehouse. For years, Mac had felt a spiritual kinship for Dr.John, and this account raised the quite possibility that one of his family had had the same feelings. Even so, the idea that Rebennack had been ruminating cast his friend Ronnie Barron in the roll of Dr. John. But when the project was finally greenlighted, Barron had other contractual duties and Rebennack reluctantly assumed the mantle himself. Between Sonny & Cher sessions, virtually on the sly, Rebennack recorded the “Gris Gris” album with a band of New Orleans natives. Atlantic executive Ahmet Ertegun was at first displeased with the move. “Why did you give me this shit”?, Rebennack remembers Ertegun bellowing. “How can we market this boogaloo crap”? Eventually the canny Ertegun sniffed something in the late-’60s zeitgeist that could enable an off-the-wall act like Dr.John to sell, and he (to Rebennack’s surprise) released the album. On “Gris Gris”, Rebennack played very little keyboard, contributing only organ parts on two tracks (“Mama Roux” and Danse Kalinda”). His aim was to introduce America to New Orleans’ mystical side, and also to “let us musicians get into a stretched-out New Orleans groove”. The album sold well enough to appease the suits, with very little backing, and meanwhile Rebennack’s fertile mind was cooking up a killer road show. Drawing on the venerable southern minstrel tradition and the pageantry of the Mardi Gras Indians, Dr.John and the Night Trippers’ road show boasted snake-festooned dancers, magic tricks, and costumes manufactured from the carcasses of virtually every living creature that ever crawled, slithered or flew in the bayou country. As Rebennack recalled, “When this stuff started coming apart in pieces, I had to start hanging around taxidermy shops big-time, scavenging new material.” He and his similarly attired band of New Orleans roughnecks unleashed this act the acid-drenched southern California of 1968 to no little astonishment. But by the time “Babylon”, the Night Tripper’s second album came out, the band began to dissolve. Rebennack (along with the most of the rest of America) felt the end time was at hand, as the title implies. The album reflects Rebennack’s chaotic personal life - his drug use and police persecution, his dissolving band -- and the state of American life in 1968, a year in which it seemed that violet revolution was at hand. It was a year in which both Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King fell to assassins, riots consumed black ghettos in flames from Miami to Watts, and the Vietcong launched the ferocious TET offensive. The album features odd time signatures (11/4, 5/4,10/4), doom-laden lyrics, and hybrid Afro-Caribbean/avant-garde jazz feeling. As Rebennack later said, “ It was as if Hieronymus Bosch had cut an album”. Who better to chronicle those disorderly times? Things were about to get extremely untidy for Rebennack again, as well. While touring in support of “Gris-Gris”, the Night Trippers had been busted in St. Louis, and Rebennack as frontman shouldered the load. A lawyer arranged a deal in which Charlie Green (the manager of Sonny & Cher and Buffalo Springfield) was to pay off the St. Louis bail bondsman. The bondsman, unbeknownst to Rebennack, never collected. Green and partner Brian Stone then confronted Rebennack with the proverbial “Offer you can’t refuse”. Since he had gotten Rebennack sprung, Green put it to Mac, we get to manage you from now on. Rebennack, frazzled, saw no alternative. Green proved to be the worst of all managerial archetypes, the would-be star. Mac recalled, “He thought of himself as the star and me as the roadie of the operation. Even though I wasn’t on no kind of star trip or nothing, I didn’t want my manager hanging around, running some kind of Jumpin’ Jack Flash number and trying to upstage me. Beyond that was the basic problem: a drugged out band hooked up with a starry-eyed manager results in a chemically unbalanced situation and, in general, a fearsome sight to behold.” While at work on “Remedies”, the third of five of Rebennack’s Atlantic releases, Green and Stone persuaded Rebennack to check himself into a loony-bin, with an eye toward having him declared incompetent. This move would allow them to help themselves to a slightly higher percentage of Rebennack’s earnings than their current 25%, something more along the lines of 100%. Rebennack quickly wised up, escaped from the asylum, and exiled himself to Miami. Meanwhile, the managers had released the unfinished “Remedies” album. One of Rebennack’s chief aims for the album was to spread the news about Louisiana’s notorious Angola Farm, then as now America’s most deplorable and inhumane prison. Rebennack, incommunicado in Miami, was thus unable to put wise the Rolling Stone reviewer who took his lament Angola Anthem to be a protest song about the nation of Angola. A disastrous European tour followed, one in which was Mac was hamstrung by a third string band (most of the Night Trippers were unable to get visas). The tour was augured in by Mac from backstage the electrocution death of the Stone the Crows guitarist Les Harvey at a festival. At Montreux, his bass player without warning dropped his bass and brandished a trombone which he had concealed in the wings, and proceeded to (Rebennack related) “start dancing around the stage, playing Pied Piper to the audience’s mountain villagers”. At the end of this arduous road, Mac headed for London to round up session players for the album “The Sun, Moon, and Herbs”. Graham Bond, Eric Clapton, Ray Draper, Walter Davis Jr., Mick Jagger, Doris Troy, and a battery of drummers from virtually every West African and Caribbean country were on hand for a days-long, Opium and hash-fuelled epic of a session. He delivered the finished article to Green for post-production work a happy man. Some weeks later, Rebennack returned to find his beloved album chopped, diced, and filleted by Green. Material was added and deleted, more was overdubbed. Most of what Rebennack felt was the best music was simply gone. In addition, it came to his attention (when he was alerted to a pair of bounty hunters at his doorstep) that Green had not, in fact, bailed him out of anything. Green was summarily dismissed, and Rebennack and some engineers endeavored to salvage what they could of the “Sun, Moon, and Herbs” album. He signed next with manager Albert Grossman, of Joplin, Dylan, and The Band fame. He was the manager who “electrified” Dylan at the Newport Folk Festival, which touched off a brawl between himself and folklorist Alan Lomax in front of several thousand bemused folkies. Lomax, though, was not the only one in the music scene who wanted a piece of Grossman. Soon enough, Grossman and Rebennack came nearly to blows. Grossman’s style was to play it cool with his artist, while his “bad-cop” flunkie Bennett Glotzer delivered such news as, “Thanks for signing with us. We now control 1/3 of your publishing”. Glotzer and Rebennack had two punch-outs, and things got so bad that Rebennack turned to his native gris-gris. He would each day leave a dead bird on Glotzer’s doorstep, surrounding by black candles and sprinkled with “goofer dust”. Eventually, this hell-broth boiled over when, in a tête-à-tête with Grossman, an enraged Rebennack snatched Grossman’s beloved peyote button, a pet psychedelic Grossman had been nurturing for three years, and devoured it, skin, pulp, stem and all, in front of his very eyes. The relationship dissolved into a maelstrom of threat and counter-threats, and now Rebennack had not one, but two oddball ex-managers scheming for his destruction. Somehow, Mac found the time to sit in the Rolling Stones’ “Exile On Main Street” sessions, and also to record one of his best albums ever. (While in the studio with the Stones, he discussed with them his and New Orleans songwriter Earl King’s idea for an album of dirty blues tunes. Back in the fifties, when he played the after hours joints, he had often played for an audience of street characters x-rated versions of old blues tunes. The Stones demurred, but later released “Cocksucker Blues” on their own, which irked Rebennack. He felt that since he had given them the idea, he should be compensated) His own effort produced “Gumbo”, an album steeped in the New Orleans of his youth. Featuring covers of songs by King, Professor Longhair, and several other lesser lights of that time and place, the album was his most direct tribute to his home turf to that date. To back the album, Mac ditched the voodoo shtick he had employed on the road since 1967 in favour of a revue format. As Mac termed it, he had “enough of the mighty-coo-de-fiyo hoodoo show”. The Gumbo tour, backed heavily by Atlantic, reached Carnegie Hall and other such bastions of the high life, and a single, ”Iko Iko”, cracked the top 40. The dark cloud to this silver lining was that hard on the heels of his chart success, several of his past employers saw fit to release albums of demos. Among them were Green, Huey Meaux (with whom Rebennack had worked as a session producer) and an unknown cast of characters. This very collection is one such unfinished product. Meanwhile, Rebennack had seen fit to employ yet another volatile, less than 10% straight forward manager. Phil Walden, who had hit the big-time managing Otis Redding was then cresting on the Allman Brothers doomed wave, and he also handled Rebennack’s New Orleans chums, The Meters. Clearly Rebennack thought, here at last was a manager with the Midas touch. In 1973, Rebennack and the Meters hit the studio together to record “In The Right Place”. At first, things with Walden and the album went swimmingly. Walden booked Mac and The Meters on some Allman tours, on which Rebennack enjoyed himself immensely, both professionally and personally. The album scored him both his biggest hit (the title track) and perhaps his most enduring composition. “Such a Night” is a stone-cold classic, a song that sounded as old and enduring as music itself from the very day it was waxed. This writer was astonished to learn that it was written by Rebennack in 1973, as I had always assumed it emanated from Cole Porter or some such. The relationship with Walden, which had been going so well, came to a screeching halt when Rebennack returned home road-weary to find his house bereft of furniture, furniture that had somehow found its way across town to Walden’s recording studio. It was this move that finally put an end to Rebennack’s reliance on anyone else to handle his business affairs. Since then he has managed himself. Later in 1973, a collaboration with white bluesman John Hammond Jr. and Mike Bloomfield brought forth the “Triumvirate” album. Meanwhile, Rebennack embarked on a tour of shows benefiting the Black Panthers, which, he recalled, “had the immediate effect of bringing serious federal heat down on our asses! I discovered that we’d jumped into a whole new level of criminality. We weren’t garden-variety dope fiends any more; now we’d become political activists, the most fouty-knuckled lames of them all”. The year ended with Rebennack attempting to aid a drink- and coke-addled John Lennon make the album “Rock ‘n’Roll” with Rebennack’s old boss Phil Spector. As active and fruitful as 1973 seemed (in addition to the above there were sessions with Harry Nilsson and Ringo Starr), Rebennack was still broke and very bitter. He seriously pondered retirement, and had developed a reputation as a pain in the ass. The rest of the early seventies passed by in a blur of drug abuse and fallen sidemen. James Booker, the classically trained, extremely eccentric genius of the New Orleans keys, came and went from Rebennack’s band several times, before dying of a cocaine overdose in 1983. Ray Draper was whacked by New Jersey loan-sharks. Percussionist Albert ”Didimus” Washington was killed by a Cabbage-juice diet designed to heal his ulcers. As the seventies wore on, though, things very slowly began to turn around for Rebennack. A collaboration with legendary New York songwriter Doc Pomus (“Save The Last Dance For Me”, “Lonely Avenue”, “Suspicion”), produced the song “There Must Be A Better World Somewhere”, which B.B. King later picked up and won a Grammy. Tommy LiPuma persuaded Rebennack and Pomus to sign with his A&M-affiliated Horizon label. “City Lights”, the label’s second release, quickly followed. The album is something of a semi-autobiographical rock opera, co-written by Rebennack, Pomus, and Henry Glover (“ I Love You, Yes I Do”; “Drown in My Own Tears”) concerning the exploits of some ex-pat New Orleanians in the Big Apple. “Tango Palace”, another Mac-Pomus offering, came hard on the heels of “City Lights”, but not soon enough. The label foundered almost immediately after “Tango’s” release. Rebennack recalls the interlude with Horizon, during which he also gigged with 50’s R& B legends Hank Crawford and Fathead Newman, as being rewarding musically, if not commercially. In 1980, Rebennack began an association with Jack Heyrman’s Clean Cuts label. Heyrman persuaded Rebennack to confront a personal bugaboo and record two albums of solo piano and vocals. Rebennack had always had nightmarish visions of this being his end, that “I’d end up a solo-piano lounge act, staring at Holiday Inns or bowling alleys for the rest of my natural life”. Nevertheless, two Clean Cuts releases, “Dr. John Plays Mac Rebennack” and “The Brightest Smile In Town”, ensued. On them, Rebennack erased the last vestiges of the Gris Gris act and tackled some more sophisticated and older forms of music. He wanted to appeal to “a spiritual awareness, not just that low-down meat level”, but hastened to add that, “The hardest thing to do is let the spirituality flow and turn the meat on. Doing that is creating art, radiating the 88’s”. Rebennack expanded on this with 1989’s “In A Sentimental Mood”, a collection of classics this time presented in a combo format. A duet with Rickie Lee Jones on Gus Kahn and Walter Donaldson’s ”Makin’ Whoopee” took home the Grammy for Best Jazz Vocal Duet, and the album was one of the top-selling jazz albums of the year. Two more albums in a jazzy vein, “Bluesiana Triangle”, cut with Fathead Newman and the great Art Blakey; and “Bluesiana II”, cut again with Newman and others followed in the next two years. In 1989, Rebennack ended his 34-year relationship with heroin, and three years later released “Goin’ Back to New Orleans”, one of his most ambitious projects to date. Like “Gumbo”, “Goin’ Back” is solely a New Orleans affair, but it takes a much broader approach. Songs dating as far back as 1850 were recorded, with each of the ensuing cuts representing a stylistic breakthrough that has occurred since then. There’s a Mardi Gras Indian tune, homages to Jelly Roll Morton, Buddy Bolden, Louis Jordan, Professor Longhair, James Booker, and Fats Domino. The Neville Brothers, Wardell Quezergue, Al Hirt, and Pete Fountain, among a great many others turned out in support of the project. Any one volume CD that endeavors to cover 150 years of music from America’s most tuneful of cities is bound to fail, through as Rebennack says, “ the only thing that can beat a failure is a try”. Ultimately, the album ranks in the top 5% of all New Orleans releases, a too-brief primer lovingly and excitingly presented by the best musicians the city had to offer at that time. By turns wistful, violent, joyous and tragic, it never loses the twin hallmarks of the city that birthed it - a sense of humour at the absurdities of life (and death) and some of the world’s most pulsating rhythms. In 1994, Rebennack wrote with co-author Jack Rummel the excellent autobiography, “Under A Hoodoo Moon”. From it most of these notes were cribbed, and though this has proven to be by far my most verbose liner-note project, not one tenth of the story is yet told . Far from being a typical rock & roll, ghost-written autobiography, it is a hilarious, tragic, brutally honest, and inspirational tale of one erudite and talented man’s struggle to make some good music in a country in which this has become increasingly difficult. The chapter in which his reminiscences of Professor Longhair are recounted in side-splitting detail is alone worth the price of the book. The rest of the mid-nineties saw Rebennack’s voice become seemingly ubiquitous on American television, singing the praises of Wendy’s Hamburgers, among many another strange fruit from his American orchard. He has released several anthologies and two albums of new material - “Television” on GRP in 1994 and “Afterglow” on Blue Thumb in 1995. Any questions regarding this bizarre genius’ contemporary relevance were abolished in 1991 and 1993 when P.M. Dawn and Beck, respectively sampled his “I Walk On Gilded Splinters” for their own recordings, with utilising the Doctor’s tune in his breakthrough anthem, “Loser”. In 1997 he recorded a smoking duet with B.B. King on his collaboration with Doc Pomus, “There Must Be A Better World Somewhere”. He continues to tour and record, and still there is no bowling alley or Holiday Inn big enough to hold the audiences that pay to see him. Like the city he came from, Mac Rebennack is a survivor. So is the music that they share. That indefinable blend of French, African, Caribbean, Spanish, and American ingredients, that gumbo of a city and a sound, the certain je ne sais pocky way hollers out Crescent City, has no living acolyte truer or more faithful than Rebennack. Long may he ramble! ~John Nova Lomax, November 1998

[incorrectsanders]

Small, Steady Corrections (Mall Employee AU)

Hello All! I’ve been getting a ton of asks about Virgil’s weight and health in the Mall AU and I couldn’t get this out of my head. It’s yours now. Read other installments of the AU here.

As always: Send questions and prompts!

Relationship: Virgil Centric all of them?

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Everyone worries about how small their youngest is. They all have the same intentions, but they also take care of it in different ways. Some work more than others.

Warnings: Mention of Eating Disorders, Character Implied Eating Disorder 

Three months after Thomas legally adopted Virgil, he started getting really concerned. Virgil had a habit of falling asleep on the couch or in the big chair that used to belong to Thomas’ grandfather or even curled up in a little nest of pillows and blankets on the floor. Thomas usually covered him up with a blanket and headed up to bed. But, one night Virgil fell asleep at the table and Thomas couldn’t let his son sleep there all night. He’d wake up with back pain, he’d get cold. A fond chuckle fell from his lips as he walked over and gently tilted Virgil’s torso up so he could scoop him into his arms and carry him up to bed.

“Daddy...?” Virgil slurred.

“Shh, Buddy. It’s okay, go back to sleep.” Thomas hummed, letting Virgil bury his face in his neck and grab onto his shirt. The little puffs of breath he was giving off were adorable and it filled Thomas with pride. Sure, Virgil had taken to exclusively calling Thomas Dad in the past couple of months, but he’d only ever called him Dad. He knew it was only because Virgil was so tired and he no doubt had moments like this with his biological father. Dahlia had mentioned that Virgil used to fall asleep at her and Valerie’s apartment all the time and his father wouldn’t wake him, he’d just scoop him up and take him to bed.

Still, hearing the more childish version of the name made Thomas’ heart soar. It made Virgil seem so much younger, like Thomas was carrying his six year old son up to bed rather than his adopted sixteen year old son.

But then he picked him up and it felt like he was carrying his six year old son up to bed. Why was Virgil so small? He weighted nothing- the boy was constantly eating! Thomas had been forced to cut him off of sweets at work multiple times because he gave himself stomach aches- how the hell?

The man just shook his head, making his way up to Virgil’s room and setting him in bed. Tomorrow morning, he was definitely making Virgil an appointment with the doctor. There was no reason for him to be this small, right?

***

It was concerning. Patton didn’t like seeing Virgil so skinny. He teased Logan enough about how lanky he was but Virgil was skin and bones! Literally! Sure, everyone knew their youngest was underweight, but not this bad. They were swimming at Thomas’ house and Patton could count Virgil’s vertebrae.

Did he have an aversion to food? Patton had seen him eat many times before but... maybe he just pretended? Or maybe he had bulimia? The thought made his blood run cold, he and Logan went to school with a girl who had bulimia... she hadn’t gotten help in time-

“Virgil!” Patton called, his voice slightly shaking despite the huge smile on his face. Virgil looked over from where he was sitting with Roman and Dee. He got up and ran over to his other friend, sitting next to him on the lounge chair.

“Hey, Popstar.”

“Try this pie. Logan made it, and he’s a really good baker.” Patton said, holding up the plate. Virgil shook his head.

“I’ll eat some later. I’m gonna get back in the water soon, so I probably shouldn’t eat right now.”

Patton panicked a bit. He was avoiding sweets? Who avoided sweets? So, he pulled him into his side and started scratching at Virgil’s scalp. “Come on, ViVi! Try it!” He cooed, holding the fork to his lips.

Virgil couldn’t resist. There was a handsome man feeding him pie and giving him affection, who was he to protest this kind of treatment?

Patton’s shoulders relaxed and he let out a content sigh. Now he just had to keep Virgil in his sights for a while to make sure he digested the food.

***

“Hi, cutie~”

Virgil sighed, putting down the bowl of chocolate he was holding and raising an eyebrow at the voice. “What do you want? You only use that tone when you want something.” He said, crossing his arms.

“Me? All I wanted was to bring one of my babies lunch.” He said, smiling and holding up the bag of Chipotle. Remy wasn’t blind, he worried just like the rest of the group. He was constantly bringing Virgil food. “Extra guac~”

Virgil narrowed his eyes, then nodded to his coworker. “I’m gonna take my break.” He said, and headed to the back with Remy following him. Remy plopped on the chair at the back desk and pulled Virgil into his lap, already starting to feed the small boy. Virgil started to protest but then Remy was running his hands through his hair and all he wanted to do was happily accept the bites Remy was offering and lay his head on his shoulder. Remy knew the younger one loved eating food, and the method that Patton used to get him to eat was pretty much all for naught, but he still enjoyed indulging his little one like this. It was adorable.

“Is it yummy?” Remy hummed. Virgil nodded a bit, accepting the next bite. “You’re so sweet. Look how cute you are.” Remy cooed. “I don’t know how our little nerd holds out. Maybe I should try a little harder? Make him jealous so he gives in and asks you out?”

“Re...” Virgil whined, picking up his head. “Not funny.”

“Oh hush, he’ll come around eventually. And if I tease him in the meantime, no harm no foul, right?” Remy smirked, scratching at Virgil’s scalp and gently guiding his head back down on his shoulder just as Logan walked into the back. “LoLo! Your food is right here~”

“HE IS A MINO-“

“He is not! Eighteen! Since last week!” Remy said, then grinned. “I’m not doing anything bad, Specs, I’m just feeding him. He needs nourishment, look at our little baby.”

Virgil glanced up at Logan, who glared, stomped over, and snatched him out of Remy’s lap. “My food!” He whined. Logan frowned and glanced between them.

“Yeah LoLo, who’s gonna feed him now?” Remy pouted.

“He can feed himself!”

“I like being fed...”

“He likes being fed. And you know our little one needs to put on weight. Doctors orders.” Remy cooed. Logan grumbled quietly, pulled up a chair, sat down, and started feeding Virgil the same way Remy was.

And well, Remy could tell Virgil was in heaven.

***

Tayln knew what it was like. Thomas told them that Virgil had developmental problems because he wasn’t fed properly growing up. They were very small themselves and were always looking for ways to bulk up. They started sharing little tips that they’d learned with Thomas and it seemed like it was helping some. Well, that combined with all the other methods everyone was constantly employing.

“What smells good?” The door opened and closed and Tayln glanced up to see Virgil walking into the house. Thomas and Joan were at the breakfast bar, debating something that Tayln had stopped listening to ten minutes ago.

“I’m trying a new recipe I found on Pinterest. It has a ton of protein so your dad asked me to make it here.”

“Looks good, Untie.” Virgil nodded, setting down his bag and heading over to the fridge. Tayln’s lip twitched up a bit. Virgil was adorable. He expressed interest in wanting to call Tayln and Joan Uncle or Aunt because they were so close to his dad but ran into the problem of gendered terms. The boy was stubborn though, so he burst into their office one day, announced “UNTIE” and waited for both of their words of approval before he left. He’d been calling both of them Untie ever since.

“Don’t let them feed you that healthy stuff. Here, gain weight the right way.” Joan announced, jumping down from the bar and bounding into the living room. They came back with a white box that had a sticker of the Union Jack on the front. “I bought you these while I was on that business trip. There’s like twenty different kinds of chocolate in there.”

“Wow- thanks Untie.” Virgil smiled.

“Joan, not before dinner! You’re gonna ruin his appetite!” Tayln protested.

“The boy is a bottomless pit!” Joan shouted, holding out a hand to where Virgil was already digging into the box.

Thomas sighed, bringing his glass up to his lips. “They aren’t wrong, Tayln.”

***

The amount of food Virgil could shove in his mouth without gaining a pound both amused and angered Roman. It was unfair- he was so small! But, he also understood it was because growing up he wasn’t fed properly. Virgil has a lot of health problems because of it, so he gets it. He’s always cold, he gets so tired sometimes- it sucked.

Virgil was his best friend and he loved him, he wanted to take care of him. He was always bringing him food to eat and Virgil always happily accepted it.

“Wanna do a mukbang?”

Virgil didn’t even look up from his phone. “So you’re succumbing to the YouTube trends now.”

Roman lightly smacked his arm in return. “C’mon, I’m thinking Pizza Hut, Jack in the Box, and McDonalds.”

“Can we stop at Sams Club and get a cheesecake?”

“Yes.”

“Down.”

Virgil had been on his channel before. Roman brought him on for tags, makeup videos, vlogs, singing videos- anything they felt like doing really. The last thing they’d all done together (Roman, Virgil, Logan, Patton, Remy, and Dee) was a cover of King Of The Clouds that was now the most viewed video on Roman’s channel.

He was one of the most popular of Roman’s friends. The mukbang went just as well.

“Here’s a good story- so last week Ro and I went to the movies. We both wanted popcorn but we also both only brought enough cash for the movie so Roman flirted with the girl behind the counter until she gave us free popcorn.”

“Okay- I had to. We needed popcorn, it was a dire situation.”

“Yes, but we also could have ran to your car and grabbed our wallets.”

“My car was on the other side of the mall!”

Virgil snickered lightly, shaking his head. On camera, he put up his protective persona. He never outright laughed, he didn’t get too loud and excited, he deadpanned most of his jokes. Roman’s viewers loved it.

Roman didn’t mind it. It meant only those that were close to Virgil saw his happy, fun attitude. Sure, a lot of his personality was what people saw on camera, but it went deeper than that too.

Virgil was his best friend. He just wanted him healthy and happy.

***

It seemed like every time Virgil saw Dee, he was shoving something from Starbucks into his hands. Virgil wasn’t protesting. He loved Starbucks and Dee brought cookies to him more often than anything. But then again...

“Hey, Dee?” Virgil asked, taking a bite of his croissant. Dee looked up, raising an eyebrow. “How come you only bring me things from Starbucks?”

Dee quickly ducked his head down, shrugging. “I uh... I dunno. You like Starbucks.”

“So does everyone else.”

“I- fine.” Dee sighed, leaning forward. “A cousin of mine had anorexia. She ended up in a mental hospital and I just... I don’t want that to happen to you.” He mumbled.

Virgil couldn’t help but smile. Dee really was a sweetheart, despite trying to hide it. He fit right into their friend group, despite only joining it two months ago.

“I don’t have anorexia, Dee. Really, I don’t. I eat constantly between all of you, I just don’t really gain weight.” Dee’s eyebrows were furrowed, so Virgil went on. “Before Dad adopted me I was in the foster system for years. No one really fed me right. And before that I only had a single Dad. He worked really hard, but he couldn’t always feed me. My doctor says it’s developmental problems. I can get better, but it’ll take me a little while. And there’s some things that will always stay, but I can definitely get better.” He said.

Dee sat back, nodding a bit, and Virgil took another bite of his croissant. “I’m... glad you eat.” He said. Virgil smiled back.

“Thanks, Dee.” He paused. “I’m telling everyone that you're just as big of an angel as Patton.”

“Don’t you dare!”

“I’m gonna do it.” Virgil grinned hauntingly, pulling out his phone. Dee screamed out, jumping over and tackling him so he could snatch the phone away.

***

“You know, they’re all approaching this the wrong way.” Logan said as Virgil got into his car. Virgil rose an eyebrow, glancing up at him.

“Good morning to you, too, L.”

“Tayln is the only one who has the right idea. It’s really gonna help if you start eating as much protein and carbs as you can and work out a lot. That’s how we bulked up in baseball.” Logan said as he handed Virgil a cup from the middle console. “Try it. It’s a protein shake.”

Virgil scrunched up his nose as he brought it up to his lips, taking a hesitant drink from it. Oh... vanilla. “Not bad.”

“I’m gonna start bringing them to you every morning. And you’ll come to the gym with me. You said you want to be lean like me and Roman, but we don’t just have these bodies. We both work out and we both eat right. With some exceptions.” He shrugged.

Virgil couldn’t help but whine. “But... working out is hard. Can’t I just... be squishy like Dad and Patton?” He asked.

Logan chuckled. “You’ve never even tried working out. And I’d say yes if you could actually gain that weight.” He smiled. “C’mon, V. One month. Try it for one month and if you don’t like it, you can stop.”

***

Virgil hated when Logan was right.

He’d been working out for eight months now and he loved it. It was nice, Logan pushed him, and it stopped being extremely hard after the first three weeks.

Sure, it was still hard but his stamina was up, he could run a mile in nine minutes, he’d gained twenty pounds, and it gave him a reason to hang out with Logan for three hours every other day.

“Morning, L!” He chirped as he climbed into the car. Logan handed him his shake and he immediately started sipping at it. “I gained three more pounds! And look!” He said, pulling up his shirt to show Logan his flat stomach and the toned line running down the middle. He still wanted to gain more, but it was better than the sunken in stomach he’d had before.

“I’m proud of you, V. I’m glad you stuck with this.” Logan smiled, then started heading off to the gym. Virgil was still extremely small, but he did look a lot healthier and he was tired less and less often. They were all relieved.

All of them only wanted their youngest to be okay.