#like the obsession with young girls?? idk if that's intentional or not or meant as like social commentary or reflection of real life

[imblocking-you]

I'm not even halfway through the episode but like what do people think of Oshi no Ko, my classmate recommended it to me and they aren't aware of my very judgemental thoughts and this blog and they appear to really like it but I kinda think the anime is weird. Am I just chronically online or is there really a better storyline going on in here that I haven't uncovered yet?

[agent-cupcake]

IDK why but yandere prompt 10 screams sylvain to me! it's okay if you dont wanna do this one, though. thank you for opening requests! ive really enjoyed all your writings

10. “I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t have you.”

Sylvain didn’t greet you when you took a seat beside him, ready for the meeting to be called. Agriculture wasn’t a particular interest of yours, but it was a part of your duty as the wife of an important, land-owning lord to be invested in the affairs of Gautier territory. For his part, your husband didn’t seem terribly enthused. Just as you were about to ask if he was okay, he spoke.

“Who was he?” Sylvain asked in a would-be casual voice, low enough to be lost in the mindless chatter of the slowly filling council room.

The question usually went something like that, innocuous but pointed enough for you to know where it was headed. And you knew who and what he was referring to, knew it so intently that you felt a completely unreasonable stab of guilt because you knew how Sylvain was, how he might have interpreted your interaction with one of the male mages working on the current project. As familiar as the question was, you couldn’t immediately guess the tone. Sylvain was tricky, always masking his intentions behind playful masks and a glip front.  

“Who?” you asked, playing dumb. That sometimes worked. If it seemed like you were innocent, he might drop it and move on. It would be incriminating if you admitted that you knew what he meant right away. And if he was just teasing, playing around to fill the part of the protective husband, you didn’t mind the role of the oblivious wife. Really, you wished you were that type of woman. Blind to the world, and especially the men, around you. Everything would be so much easier.

"That guy you were talking to,” Sylvain explained, dangerously nonchalant. “The two of you seemed pretty close.”

“Really? We only met… Mmm, last week?” you replied, refusing to meet his eye or become flustered. That would just make you seem guilty. Which you weren’t. “He’s from Fhirdiad, one of the mages who are working on solutions to fertilizing the soil in the fields near the Fraldarius border.” You hesitated, searching for something to add, something to change the subject and ease the tension. “Um, the tests so far have been really encouraging. They’re thinking that next spring they can have at least half of that land ready for production.”

"Yeah, I heard about that,” Sylvain said, nodding off your attempt to distract him. “I was just asking ‘cause you were laughing pretty hard.”

There it was. Sylvain’s tone, as you had come to know quite intimately, was cool, a little stiffer than his usual way of speaking. Lacking inflection. It was always like that with him. He never told you outright when he thought or felt or explained his stark shift in demeanor, always skirting around the subject with those needling little questions, maintaining his façade of indifference even as a storm brewed behind his dark eyes. Once, what felt like a lifetime ago, he told you that he’d never experienced jealousy before you. He told you that it hurt. Was this pain? Was that what made everything so uneasy and uncomfortable, leaving you scrambling to find the words to ease his mind?

You forced a faint smile, clinging to your innocence. “Was I?”

“Yeah,” Sylvain said, clearly not buying it. If anything, his eyes just narrowed. “You were.”

“We were just discussing his work. If I was laughing, I don’t…” You shook your head, forcing a shrug. “Please don’t get the wrong idea.”

“The wrong idea?” he asked. “I was just wondering who he is.”

“For no reason,” you said, some of your frustration leaking through.

“Yeah, sure, for no reason,” Sylvain agreed in an amicably flat tone. “Although now I’m curious about why you’re so defensive.” He paused, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. “I guess he was kinda handsome. Are you worried I’m jealous?”

“That’s not-”

“‘Cause I’m not…” he insisted. “Unless there’s a reason I should be.”

There wasn’t. There never was. You never thought like that. But he did. Sylvain always did, those too keen eyes of his following you around, waiting for you to slip up in some way, to do something for him to misinterpret in the most uncharitable ways he could. Even if it was ignored, unspoken, willed out of existence through the sheer force of his adoration, yours was not a relationship born out of the stuff of romantic novels or even the clumsy affections of young lovers. For as obsessively insistent he once was in proving your own feelings to you, sometimes it was like Sylvain didn’t believe it when you told him you loved him and only him. Because there was a time―such a long time ago, hardly worth remembering―when you didn’t mean it. Even though you did now, that memory was his constant anxiety, an endless tension lingering right below the surface.

“I don’t want to fight,” you finally said, spreading your hands out in an attempt to de-escalate the situation, to convince him of your innocence. “I swear that it meant nothing. But… but if it makes you uncomfortable, I won’t talk to him again. I really, honestly don’t care.”

“Sheesh, you make me sound like I’m some sort of control freak,” Sylvain said with an air of coolly playful offense, leaning back in his chair. “Why would you even assume I’m trying to fight?”

“I don’t-”

“I’m not,” he said before you could really respond. Not loudly, never loud enough to draw any unnecessary attention to the two of you. Sylvain always knew exactly how to skirt the line of propriety in public. “It’s not like it’s even my business who you talk to. I’m only your husband. No big deal, really.”

“It is!” you insisted, heat burning at the back of your eyes. Realizing you’d spoken a bit too loud, you softened your voice, glancing around the room to ensure nobody heard the slip-up. “You are. Of c-course you are.” Maybe it was the trembling of your bottom lip as you stared hard at the table to fight off the tears burning your eyes that made regret flash over Sylvain’s face. Sometimes, when he was in a very particular type of mood, your crying only spurred him on, but not now.

“H-hey,” Sylvain told you, leaning close and draping his arm across your shoulders. “Don’t cry. I was just playing around. Guess I let it go too far.” Now he seemed apologetic, looking at you with a sheepish smile.

You met his eyes, confusion and distress giving away to understanding. Of course Sylvain had only been pretending. And you had been overreacting, always too sensitive to this kind of thing. Embarrassment followed the momentary emotional lapse, frustration that you wouldn’t just go along with his antics and had to go and make it all weird. Relief, too. It was just pretend, after all. He wasn’t upset with you.

“You’re not mad at me, are you?” Sylvain asked sweetly, pulling you towards him with the arm around your shoulders, his soft voice tickling your ear.

“You’re too mean,” you told him. But the words weren’t serious. They made him smile fondly, such a dramatic shift from the Sylvain of only minutes before.

“I’ve gotta keep you on your toes,” he said. “You never know what’s going on in the heads of pretty girls like you. I mean, imagine if I lost you to a guy who studies dirt. I’d never live it down.”

“That’s ridiculous,” you told him, leaning into the half embrace.

“Isn’t it? But, you know, I can’t help it.” Sylvain leaned in even closer, speaking in such a low, intimate way that it definitely pushed the lines of propriety, even for him. “I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t have you.”      

[lucyintheskywithxanax]

Lionheart (Bonus Part)

Pairing: Cordelia Goode x Fem Reader

Request: a pt 2 to Lionsheart wherein Anna Morgana actually develops some ~feelings~ for reader, due to them spending more and more time together? Then Cordelia gets a tad jealous, and second guesses her decision to bring Anna to Robichaux (but it’s obv resolved in a healthy and date I say, cute, manner)?

A/N: this isn’t my best, but I hope you’ll like it, anon (idk if this is what you meant by “cute” or if it was a secret code for “threesome”, in that case I’m sorry to disappoint). x

Word count: ~ 1 800

“Bacon and maple syrup pancakes,” Anna Morgana said as she set the plate down on the table before you. “Gross. I don’t understand people who actually like this.”

“Shut up, you fool. You don’t know what you’re saying.” You grabbed your fork and knife and licked your lips. “This is Heaven on Earth.”

“Yes but does it taste better than Foxxy?” Madison quipped as she brushed past you on her way out of the kitchen.

Anna Morgana burst out laughing and spilled her tea. “Oh, crap,” she moaned. She glanced up at you, smirked. One of her hands flew out; a flick of her fingers, and the tea was back in her mug.

“You’re so good at this,” you cheered. “You made so much progress.”

“Thank you,” Anna Morgana grinned, blushing with pleasure. “In two years I’ll be the new Supreme.”

You smiled indulgently. Jokes about the rise of the new Supreme weren’t exactly your favorites, because of what it meant would happen to Cordelia. But you knew Anna Morgana was fond of her and didn’t mean any harm.

“All things considered, it wouldn’t be that bad if you were the next Supreme,” you retorted, just as Cordelia walked into the kitchen.

“Wishing to get rid of me already, Y/N?” Cordelia pouted.

You rolled your eyes at her. “I meant for the Coven. Anna would make a fair leader.”

“Miss Cordelia it’d kill me to kill you,” Anna Morgana piped. She paused, frowned. “Not that I didn’t try already.”

“Water under the bridge,” Cordelia assured her with a fond smile. She ran her hand lightly in your hair before moving to the stove to pour herself some coffee. You gazed at her adoringly. It was a hot summer day, and she had tied her hair up in a ponytail, blond strands curling lazily down the nape of her neck. The thin, light blue summer dress she was wearing clung loosely to her waist. She turned, cup of coffee in one hand, and sauntered towards you, barefoot and smiling, looking exactly like an angel.

She was still smiling when she dropped a good-morning kiss on your lips. “Busy day today,” she said, almost sadly. “Don’t get up to mischief.”

“Anna and I were thinking of making lemonade for the girls,” you said. “It’s going to be a very hot day. And then we’ll go to town to buy henna for Anna’s hair.”

Cordelia laid a hand on your shoulder, fingers stroking your skin absentmindedly. “Anna and you,” she repeated. For a second her eyes veiled over, but then she offered a grin. “I’m so happy you girls are becoming such great friends, after everything that happened.”

You flashed a happy smile at Anna Morgana. Things had changed for the best between you two, and you were now close friends. Very close friends, actually. You spent most of your spare time with her, as Cordelia was busy being the Supreme. Anna Morgana and you discovered with badly-hidden delight that you had many interests in common, including a slightly unhealthy obsession with horror movies. The scarier the better. You and her would spend most of your evenings cuddling on the couch, in your pajamas, eating ice-cream till your stomachs hurt. You’d laugh together at all the stupid decisions the characters made, and cheer them on when they were being particularly plucky. At this point you had almost seen everything you thought was worth seeing, and were considering moving on to romantic comedies.

But the best part of those horror movie nights was joining Cordelia in bed and pretending you were still scared, so she would stroke your hair and hold you tight throughout the night. A sleepy kiss on your forehead, a whisper, “You’re safe” or “Love you” or “I’m here”, warmth, your heart melting.

You didn’t notice it, but as time went by Cordelia developed a new habit. She would emerge from her office when you and Anna Morgana were watching a movie and pace the room, making herself something to eat, chatting with some of the girls, sitting with you for a few minutes with her legs crossed and her hands folded on her knee.

One night Anna Morgana screamed when her favorite character got murdered by a zombie, threw her arms around your shoulders and buried her face in your chest. Cordelia’s brow furrowed just the slightest bit. And you should have seen it then, or even later for Cordelia’s face was always so open and honest; but the zombie killed someone else, and you shouted profanities at the screen, and Anna Morgana giggled, and Cordelia stood up with a smile and walked off.  

You waited for her to join you in bed that night. At one point you dozed off, and when your eyes opened again it was half past two and the bed was still empty. That was way past her bedtime; even when she was particularly busy, she would crawl into bed before one, or you would go get her and coax her into getting some rest.

Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you got up and shuffled downstairs. The light in the kitchen was on. Cordelia was sitting at the table, squinting at some papers, her left hand wrapped around a half-empty cocktail glass.

“Cordelia?” you called softly.

Her head snapped up. Her eyes locked with yours, but she raised her eyebrows in confusion as if she couldn’t quite recognize you.

“Delia,” you tried.

She giggled. “That’s me.”She giggled again. “My name’s Delia.”

You shook your head fondly, fighting a smile. “I know it’s you, silly. What are you doing?”

Cordelia pointed at her glass. “Did you know Campari and soda’s my favourite drink?” she said, her words just a bit slurred.

Tipsy, then. You felt a surge of worry. Cordelia never got tipsy. She was too worried something terrible would happen to her girls and she wouldn’t be able to save them because she’d had one drink too many.

You sat on the chair next to her and reached out for her hand. “What’s the occasion?”

Another giggle. “You and Anna.”

You frowned. “Me and Anna?”

“Yes, you and Anna.” Cordelia raised her glass and took a few sips. When she met your gaze again, her eyes seemed sad. “I’m raising a toast to your wonderful friendship.”

“Ok…?” you said, confused, but before you had time to probe that remark, the sadness vanished from Cordelia’s eyes and she laughed drunkenly.

“Have a drink with me, beautiful,” she slurred, bumping your shoulder with hers. She brought your hand up to her mouth, kissed it, gazed at you dreamily. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re very pretty?”

You rolled your eyes at her and poked her nose. “You’re drunk.”

“Am not.” She sighed. “You and Anna are really good friends,” she said, her voice suddenly very small. You frowned, gave her hand a squeeze.

“Delia,” you called gently. Those quick changes in her mood were starting to get you quite worried.

Cordelia lowered her gaze, stared at her glass. “Sometimes I wonder if I did right when I brought Anna Morgana to Robichaux’s. First she tried to kill you and now she’s trying to steal you from me.”

This was...unexpected of Cordelia. She looked almost as surprised as you, brow pushing up in disbelief.

“I…” she stammered, “I’ve no idea why I said that.” She glanced down at her glass sheepishly. “I think I’ve had enough to drink.”

“Hey,” you whispered, leaning towards her.

“I didn’t mean that,” she said quickly, looking at you, doe eyes big and sad. “Of course Anna Morgana belongs here with us. She needed help, and that’s what I do. I help my girls.”

“You do,” you nodded.

“Anna Morgana is such a gifted young woman.”She paused, took a breath. “I don’t know why I said that.”

You tried to give her a smile. “You should have told me how you were feeling.”

Cordelia’s mouth opened on a silent “oh”, curled in embarrassment. “I don’t mind Anna, really. I just wish I had more spare time to spend with you.” A sad smile. “I wish I got to do with you all the things you do with her.”

“Can I – you know what, sit up, sit up babe.”

You laid both hands on her shoulders and straddled her. Surprise flicked across her face, but was soon replaced by adoration. Her hands found their rightful place on the curve of your waist.  

“I’m pretty sure Anna doesn’t get to do that,” you whispered, leaning in to plant a kiss, sweet and loving, on her mouth.

Cordelia’s eyes fluttered closed. She hummed happily and bit her lower lip.

“Or this,” you went on, trailing kisses along her jaw. You nipped at her ear lobe and were rewarded by a soft gasp. One of Cordelia’s arms slid around your waist, pulling you closer.

“I hope she doesn’t,” she murmured, eyes still closed.

“I’m pretty sure.”

She opened one eye. “You’re pretty sure?” she teased.

You hummed. Tilted your head so you could kiss her lips again. “You’re cute when you’re jealous,” you whispered with a grin.

Cordelia opened one eye again. “I’m the Supreme, I don’t get jealous,” she pouted.

“Fine, then you’re just a tiny bit jealous. Because you love me.”

Her other eye opened, soft and incredibly fond. Cordelia’s teeth sank into her bottom lip as her mouth curled into that sweet, infatuated school-girl smile of hers that never failed to make your insides melt. “I do,” she said with a giggle. She raised a finger, poked your lip. “I’m the – “a hiccup “ –‘preme and I love you.”

“Alright, almighty ‘preme, let’s get you to bed.”

You wrapped one arm around her waist for support, just in case, as you walked up the stairs, which proved difficult for Cordelia seemed intent on kissing your neck. She was giggling against your skin, her hair tickling your nose, her hands sneaking under your shirt in a way that was entirely too distracting. Heat was slowly building in your stomach.

“Delia,” you groaned as she flicked her tongue over your pulse point. “Can you – gosh, can’t you wait?”

She let out a smug noise and proceeded to pepper hot open-mouthed kisses down your neck. You tripped over nothing and almost lost your footing.

A door opened. Anna Morgana’s tired face popped up. She squinted at you. “What’s up?” she mumbled.

You walked past her, Cordelia’s face still buried in your neck, praying your cheeks weren’t too flushed. “Don’t mind us. I’m only on my way to tuck the Supreme in,” you said, with a casual wave of your hand, as if Cordelia’s mouth wasn’t doing obscene things to your skin.

“The very cute Supreme who’s cute because she’s not jealous,” Cordelia giggled drunkenly.

Anna Morgana’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Right,” she said.

She was about to close her door and go back to sleep when Cordelia suddenly raised her head, locked eyes with her, quirked one eyebrow, and, with a smile that was so wicked it would have made the Devil shiver, sank her teeth into your cheek to sign her name in a neat row of crescent marks.

[shnuggletea]

I got this amazing review that really inspired me. I was just going to write a nice little bow on the end of this. But they really showed me the potential as well as showed me there were a lot of strings still left to tie up! I really hate they left it as a guest, I want to give them credit. So, dear anon, this chapter is for you! Thank you for your review and I’ll be answering all your questions in this chapter and ones to come!

I hope this is funny in places. I thought it was lol. Anyway, here is a Prequel chapter showing you were the boys came from a little bit more. I might show more later, a sister story was requested. Idk if I’ll get to all that. Maybe next year for sins week, we’ll see.

Keeping with ‘tradition’ I wrote this today! So many other things I should be working on but what am I gonna do yeah? Maybe more reviews on this will make me write more lol. Yes, this is rushed but I wanted consistency and also, I wanted to get it to you all. It’s also in third person because it’s all past tense to when the original story began. It just felt right to me. I hope you like it anon and if I didn’t answer a question, no worries, I’m getting to it!!

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Nominated for best comedy for Feudal Connections Fourth Quarter 2020!!!

“A story has no beginning or end: arbitrarily one chooses that moment of experience from which to look back or from which to look ahead.” ― Graham Greene, The End of the Affair

Miroku

The water crashed against the cave's opening, waking him from what was, otherwise, a delightful sleep. It had been centuries of the same, crawling into his cave as early as his body would allow all so he could drift off into a world of 'make-believe'.

He knew it was more than that; that it was more than just his wishful thinking. It was the same scenery most nights but he relished slipping into his unconsciousness each and every night. It made the days drag on so long now.

Pulling himself out and into the open, he glanced up towards the high cliff above. It had been so long since the Monk Miroku and the children had come to the edge to learn and play. Many years, in fact, but he had long ago lost count of all that. So he was surprised when a young girl sat close to the edge. He climbed up the side to get a better look and listen.

"Oh god… please…." she cried. He wished he could comfort the girl but what could he do with his tentacles? "Please… I love him so much. Help him to love me in return or… let me move on…"

Her eyes danced to the water below, the deadly waves hitting the rocks hard for emphasis. This girl wanted to end her life over love? Was it truly that great? It was hard for him to imagine love being that powerful but he only had his dreams to go off of.

The girl sat for a few more moments, sobbing before slowly pushing off the ground. She stood, looking over the edge and he feared she would run over it, ending her life and suffering the easy way.

"Christine!" The girl spun, and his demon hearing allowed him to hear the hitch in her throat. A boy, who looked the same age, bounded up to her. "What are you doing here?"

She shook her head and looked away, "I could ask you the same thing?"

"I'm looking for you!"

The squid demon took in their appearances for the first time. Their clothes were strange. The girl wore pants and not a skirt. And the boy wore a small shirt with words printed on it. It had been a long time since he had come up from the cave but he was delighted to see the clothing matched the girl in his dreams. Made it seem less crazy and also… meant the time was near.

The girl pressed her face into her palms and sobbed. "I'm sorry. I.. I want to be… happy for you but I just can't…"

There was nothing else said, the boy stomping up to the girl and wrapping his hold around her hard. A few moments passed with them like that and then, the boy whispered, "Let's be happy together then?"

The girl tried to pull away to see or fight, the demon wasn't sure, but the boy refused to let her go, no matter what she did. "You… you were with her! I saw you! You love her!"

"No, I don't."

This was the boy she was pining for and now that he was here for her, she fought against him hard? Pushing and hitting? The boy didn't let go and the squid was close to stepping in. The girl may have wanted the boy but she wanted him to let go now! Just as he pushed off the rock he had camouflaged himself to, the boy pulled the girl back and she jumped up to kiss him. The squid watched on in awe, completely confused about what was going on.

The girl, Christine, wanted this boy so much, she considered ending her life when he wasn't in it. Then, when he comes for her, she tries to push him away? All ending with the two of them intimately pressed together? The squid made his leave when the two started taking off clothing, slinking back down to the water. But the scene never left his brain, not as he caught his dinner or swam back to his cave.

Is that how women were now? Wearing pants and pretending to want one thing when they really wanted the other?

The question was still buzzing in his brain when he laid down, safe from the current and crushing waves deep in his dark home. He had barely closed his eyes when he saw her, his sweet girl. She had stopped being sweet long ago, now bitter and scorned. He longed for her, just like Christine did for that boy. Only difference was, Christine wanted to die for the boy while the squid wanted to live for Sango. It pained him to watch over the years as she was used and abused by men. He would never do that to her.

Now he watched as she left a place full of tables and white cloth. She looked amazing even if the dress wasn't what he was used to. He could tell, she was trying hard, the curls dying in her hair proof. He knew her better than anyone, Sango was trying to look really nice even though she was gorgeous no matter what she did.

Sango returned to her home, sitting beside her friend. He liked Kagome. She was smart and strong, he could see it through Sango's eyes sometimes. The dreams varied from him watching to him seeing. Tonight, he watched. But he could still see the disappointment and heartbreak on his dear Sango's face. He would never do that to her.

That was when he saw the book.

Every demon knew of witches and their abilities. What humans called witches, demons called dark Priestesses. But it was the same, good or bad, their witches were our Priestesses. In fact, Sango's dear friend Kagome had a little Priestess in her. It was one of the reasons she searched books like the one Sango held now and why the squid liked her so much. Deep down, the squid demon always knew Kagome would be the one to bring him to his mate.

Right there, in Sango's hands, was exactly how he could be with her. Years, he had spent alone and then the dreams came of Sango. He, at first, felt the dreams of her were enough. But as she grew into a woman and started seeing other men, he needed to be by her side. He didn't fault her for having a love life. For being with other men. But he didn't like the men she chose, breaking her and making her sullen. Those men were ruining his mate.

Sango shed a few tears he wished he could brush away for her and flipped through the book. More than ever, he wished he could affect these dreams. Be heard or seen or something.

Sango was nearing the right page and had turned from truly reading to glancing idly. If he didn't do something, she was going to miss the spell that would bring them together. Christine, the girl on the cliff, came to his mind. So the squid knelt down next to his love, silently prayed to the above, then whispered.

"I can be yours, Sango. Just read the next page."

It was all he could do. And he knew this already, his dreams may have given him a human body but they didn't allow him to do anything human. Like touch or smell his mate.

If Sango skipped over the page, the one with the incantation for a mate, he was going to lose his mind. He might actually throw himself off the cliff! But that wouldn't kill him, he already tried back before Sango was alive.

He watched with bated breath as her fingers gripped the frail paper, pulling it up and over, revealing the page he had been waiting years for her to see and discover. Not moving an inch, not even breathing if that was really a thing in this dream state, he listened. Sango didn't push on past the page like she had the others. Instead, she read. Intently.

Her breath caught, just like Christine's on the cliff, and Sango read over the words again and again and again. So he leaned into her ear again and whispered. "This is it. This is what you've been searching for."

Reaching out, he pretended to brush her hair out of her face, holding his hand off her skin just enough for it to seem real. If he actually tried to touch her, his hand would go through her like the illusion it all was. But with this page in her hold, it wouldn't be long now. Sango would show this to Kagome and the two of them would be compelled by fate to enact it.

It was only a matter of time, and for the first time, he didn't detest the thought of the ticking clock.

oOo

Naraku

"Ah… ah… oh Naraku…. AH!"

Naraku didn't stop his rough thrusts into the girl under him until he came, just as she had. He made sure to pull out but didn't hesitate to get his cum all over her sheets. He didn't want the attachment to this woman, like a bastard child, but he did want to mark his territory. Naraku would never see this woman again but she would think of him long after.

She was cooing on the bed behind him as he got to his feet and to his clothes. "That was… amazing…"

The woman was drunk, what did she know? He had gotten his release, that was all he cared about. It wasn't amazing in the least but it would do for now.

Naraku already had his slacks on his hips when she caught on to his hurried movements. "Wait… you're not staying?"

Glancing back, he caught the genuine disappointment on the woman's face and he huffed. "As… Lovely as this was, it was far from the best for me."

"Excuse me?"

Releasing a frustrated sigh, Naraku turned back to the woman. "Look, I've already forgotten your name. You're not the one I really want and that's a good thing for you. You got to have a nice evening and great sex. I, however, just got to cum on your sheets."

"You're an asshole!"

Turning, he went for the door, "yes, I know."

The truly important thing about all of this was keeping himself awake. The last thing he wanted was to sleep lately. His nightmares were the worst. All he ever dreamed of lately was his mate fucking other men. Who wanted to sleep while that was going on in their head?

Now out on the small and empty street of the tiny town, he lived in, Naraku stretched his human arms over his head high and shook the fatigue out of his bones the best he could. He had been up for… fifty-one hours now? He really wasn't counting. That was one thing he lost when he gave up his demon body for a human one, he tired.

He did love sex though, and the human women made it so easy for him. Practically threw themselves at him. The Priestess that gave him this body included.

Pausing for a moment, he drew a hand through his golden locks to straighten them and rubbed some of the sleep out of his bright blue eyes. Sometimes he missed his darker coloring but beggars couldn't be choosy. And this body was nice, slender and strong. It would do, it got him what he wanted. Fucking the Priestess hadn't been planned but when she offered him his immortality with his human body, he banged the old hag, giving her his 'virginity' as she put it.

So really, although not how he saw himself, this body was perfect. Except for the hunger and need for rest.

This was the first time he had pushed his body so long so hard ever and the sidewalk was starting to sway beneath him. It made his stomach turn, all of it reminding him of when he first moved his soul into this body. It hadn't been that long ago and the memory of it was still fresh. Just like a nightmare, he found himself fighting the feeling. He didn't want to go anywhere, not into another body, and not to sleep. The last thing he wanted was to ever see his damn mate.

Now he was running. Down the street and stumbling as he did. Where could he go? Back to the woman he just left? He doubted he could talk her into another round after how he treated her. It wouldn't be the first time he weaved his honeyed words and twisted his lips into a devilish smile to get his way. But he didn't have the energy. It was draining from him fast.

The last thing he did was fall. It was into an alley that was at least clean. A homeless man hovered over him, asking him if he was alright but his mouth refused to move to answer. That was it until he found himself standing in a strange place with two strange men.

They were naked but so was he. Searching his body, he found his skin was no longer pale and instead of olive. Then, a dark lock fell over his shoulder and into his view. Touching the foreign strand, it felt coarse and textured. His hair had been short to his scalp and soft. Not to mention light blonde. Now his hair was mahogany brown.

Looking around, Naraku decided he had to be in an apartment. It looked similar to the one he left moments ago. Wait.. had it been moments? It was nearly dawn when he stepped back on the street but now the sun was setting.

Stomping around the couch and the other fools taking in the place, Naraku found a clock on the stove. It read seven but he had to guess that it meant seven pm. Next, he found a bathroom. Inspecting himself in the mirror, he couldn't complain. This was body was more aligned with what he expected the first time he was given a human form. The old Priestess had given him a body that matched her fantasies. Not his.

The two fools were still looking around the place. Naraku looked at the two of them. One had white hair and dog ears while the other had dark features, like him, but a strange-looking penis. Naraku only had his to compare and he was flawless. The poor fellow had a gnarly looking dick.

Not Naraku's problem though.

"They did it." The odd cock fellow whispered. "They actually did it! We're here!"

"The hell are you talking about?"

The strange penis man looked at him with a grin. "Our mates; they summoned us."

The man with the ears made a strange yipping sound and went to the door. Then he just stood there, silent and happily waiting. Naraku, on the other hand, was seething. "Why the hell would they do that?!"

"Because they wanted us?" Odd cock answered. "Just as we wanted them."

"I didn't want my mate. I didn't want any of this!"

"You didn't want to be human?" The one by the door asked, cocking his ears to the sides.

"I already was human! I had a life, one I enjoyed. Now I'm stuck here in this body with a slut for a mate!"

"You can't blame your mate for what they did before they knew you…" Weird prick started.

Naraku cut him off, "I can and I will. I'm going to fuck my mate and move on. Then she'll move on as that is what she does."

"You know her better than anyone, do you really think that's true?"

Naraku glared at the one with ears. He was still by the door, acting like a dog. Perhaps that's where the ears came from? Being a dog first while Naraku was human had made his transformation seamless while these two still had animal features. Must have been a weak spell or Priestess. Or one that wasn't dark, it was a spell for a Dark Priestess to do, not a good one.

But the dog was perceptive, even for a mutt. Naraku did know his mate well. All about her past. How her father left her and her mother beat her for it. None of it was ever Kikyo's fault but she took the blame anyway. And then she tried to replace her family with anyone willing. They never lived up to her standards as far as a lover. Kikyo had many missteps with her friends throughout the years but had finally made some good ones.

Whether they had anything to do with him in this damn body now, Naraku didn't know. But Kikyo would have told them for sure, she trusted those two more than anyone.

But none of that mattered. "Look, pup, I had a life and a body. An immortal one. And now I'm stuck in this one. It will age and I will die thanks to my damn mate. Nothing she can do will make up for that."

It was clear on their faces that they didn't agree with him but they remained silent about it. All that was left was to wait. Their mates would enter and he could take his away to show her what she'd been missing. Then never see her again.

These fools. They wanted to be tied to their mates and this life.

Naraku had something to lose, something he did lose. While these two freaks didn't know what they were missing. The one with the funky johnson was going to find out soon. No way his mate would accept that messed up schlong inside her. The guy was going to die a virgin. Some life.

The mutt started going nuts so Naraku had to assume that meant their mates were there. Chunky phallus took a deep breath to steady himself while the puppy scratched at the door. The first one to enter, the dog jumped on. Naraku recognized her from his dreams, a close friend to his mate, Kagome was more than just another woman. That much was clear to Naraku and to peculiar peter as they both slightly bowed to the woman on instinct. He couldn't control it and Kagome didn't even notice. Too distracted by her new pet.

When his mate entered, he felt light-headed. Never had a woman affected him as Kikyo did and he hated it. Her eyes went to him and she offered him a coy smile. So he smiled back, knowing just what she wanted from him. He would supply it in spades but she wouldn't be satisfied by another ever again.

That was his revenge for taking him away from his perfect body and shoving him into a mortal one.

oOo

Inuyasha

He took careful steps, the pads of his paws pressing into the pavement and stinging slightly from the heat of it. Inuyasha hated the crowded city life but he had no choice. This was where he was needed.

Inuyasha was behind his prey, and they were yet to take notice. He was an excellent hunter, it was how he found her so far from his and her home. Would she recognize him? Would she be scared? It was far from the first time he had found her and approached but it had been a few years.

Creeping up, he watched her bend over to pick something off the ground. Studying her hindquarters, head to stop himself from mounting her. But he did stick his muzzle against it, feeling the plushness of it against his nose.

She shrieked and turned, ready to swat. But all of her anger melted away when she took sight of him. "Awwweee, hello there, Puppy."

Getting down on one knee, she held out a hand for him to smell but he knew her scent better than anything. Inuyasha quickly licked her fingers before she could pull away, getting a sweet giggle out of her.

"Where did you come from? Are you lost?"

He was right where he was supposed to be, pushing headfirst into her arms. Inuyasha was a little too eager and she fell to the ground from her perch, onto her lovely ass.

"Whoa, I like you too."

Kagome was laughing, letting him lick her just as she always did. But he pulled back to let her return the affection, scratching him behind his ears. She sighed softly, happy, and he wished more than anything to always make her feel this way. But he couldn't, not in this form. Inuyasha was pretty sure she would freak if she knew the truth about him. He was a dog demon.

Thanks to his human mother and the curse put upon half-demon children, Inuyasha got to spend the first five years of his life in a human body, only to be forced into a dog form for the rest of it. That way, he knew what he lost and had no way to fix it. Oh, how Inuyasha's mother had wept.

Even knowing he was hurting himself and his mate, he just couldn't stay away from Kagome.

The last time he saw her, she was just becoming an adult. And she was crying. Over some asshole that broke her heart. It tore at him greatly, never wanting to share his mate with anyone, but it wasn't her fault. It was all Inuyasha's.

Now, she looked better. Older and happier. But there was still an underlying sadness to her. He could see and smell it. And he could see it in his dreams, how she often cried when she was alone. It broke him even more to see it. So he pushed deeper into her and Kagome wrapped her arms around him fully, allowing him to nuzzle her neck.

"You remind me of a dog I once knew. But, he would be long dead now." No, he wasn't, I'm right here in front of you. "He was gorgeous, just like you."

Only Kagome ever made him feel like this. Like he wasn't a monster. He licked her ear tenderly as a reward for her kindness. She repaid him with another giggle.

When she pulled back from him, a sad look on her face, he knew what she was going to say. "I wish I could take you home with me. But my place doesn't allow dogs." Just as he thought; she was going to leave him soon. "I have a few minutes right now if you want to take a walk with me?"

He wagged his tail so hard, it might fall off. Kagome laughed brightly and got to her feet. People passed them, giving her strange looks, but Kagome ignored them as usual. Never had she ever made him feel lesser. It was one of the many things he loved about her.

Kagome sat on a bench in the park she led him to. Inuyasha recognized the place as Kagome visited it often. To relax and think. He had watched her for hours over the years, never being too far from her if he could help it.

Hopping up, he joined her on the bench and sat in her lap as much as he could. Her laughter returned, welcoming him even as he overwhelmed her with his size. They soon fell into a comfortable silence, Kagome running her fingers through his mane in a tantalizing and relaxing manner. If he were ever to die, this was where he wanted to be when he did.

The more time that passed, the more fear crept up into his belly that she would soon leave him. Or that he would leave her, unable to stay with her like this for very long. It killed him but it was how it had to be. Until the curse of his form was broken, he could never be with a human for long. They always met misfortune. Kagome was different but he didn't dare chance it.

She sighed and he knew this would have to end soon. Her fingers were tracing around his ears so things were about to get dangerous if he didn't leave soon. For both of them.

"The last time I saw that dog you remind me of… I was such a mess. I should have taken him in and I always regretted it. But, stupid me, thought that he would be a replacement. You see… my boyfriend had just… dumped me." What she meant was, she found out he was seeing another woman at the same time and Kagome left him, but she was trying to save face in front of Inuyasha. Kagome didn't know he was the same dog and her mate, and that he knew all. "I didn't want to take the responsibility lightly or on a whim. But I wish I had, he was so sweet. Just like you." She found his chin and scratched, making his foot dance. "I feel like… dogs like you are always around when I need them the most. You've always been there for me haven't you?" It was as if, Kagome looked into his soul through his eyes, looking for the answer he couldn't answer. "What if… I just snuck you into my place? You could live with me for as long as you like. I would take really good care of you, I promise."

His heart leapt in excitement no matter how much Inuyasha told it to calm down. He couldn't live with Kagome no matter how much he wanted to. More than anything, he wanted to tell her this. Tell her he loved her and wanted to be with her but that he couldn't. He couldn't risk giving her his curse. And that he would always want more. Inuyasha was sure he could never live with Kagome while she loved other men.

Inuyasha would risk that to be with her forever though.

As it were, the worst that would happen is he would outlive her. He would have to watch her age while he never so much as shred a fang. That would be the worst curse of all.

She carefully pushed him back and got to her feet. "Stay here. I'll be right back."

Kagome ran, skipping as she fled. Inuyasha watched her as long as he could before leaving the bench and the woman he loved behind. A few feet away, he watched from the cover of some trees as she returned. His heart fell with hers, watching her slump with a sob to the bench they had shared.

Reaching into her bag, the plastic one she had returned with, he caught sight of the red collar in her hands. Running her fingers over it, Kagome took another moment to mourn and then left. While he would never stop mourning.

[calliecat93]

I don’t think it’s incorrect to say that Cinder Fall is one of the most divisive characters in the series. From my experience, she was liked well enough in Volumes 1-4, and people were interested in her character. But as time went on with her getting less focus, any focus being on her just wanting to power, much of her original threat level slowly going down, and just so many questions going unanswered, people began to turn on her. Last volume was when interest seemed to get reignited, and it had people asking one question: were we finally on our way to getting a Cinder Fall backstory? Well my friends, the clock has struck. The spell has broken, and it’s time to see Cinder as she truly is.

Overview

Remember when the volume began with us seeing a young Cinder scrubbing floors? Well we get that again, but this time with much more detail. We see Cinder living on a farm, scrubbing floors and being bullied by other children. It’s not clear if she’s in an orphanage or a slave, but regardless we hear a woman say that she’ll take her. We cut to a city and Cinder is before a glamorous hotel, being led inside by her new stepmother. She’s lead to the back, also meeting her new stepsisters which if you’re familiar with Cinderella, you can already tell where this is going. Indeed, Cinder is forced to clean, serve guests, be given barely any food, and bullied by her stepsisters. She even resorts to eating the meals meant for guests just because she’s starving that badly. We also briefly get a new song that I... think is being sung by Casey? I couldn’t fully tell, but it is the definition of belittling and mockery.

During all of this, one individual has noticed what’s going on, a Huntsman named Rhodes. One day when particularly frustrated, Cinder sees him showing others a sword he acquired. Her stepsisters come in, trailing mud in a deliberate attempt to make Cinder’s life harder. She snaps, her Scorch Touch Semblance essentially causing her to turn her brush into a smoke bomb. As a result, her stepmother activates a shock collar that Cinder already put on, her abuse now evolving into physical torture. Having had enough, Cinder steals Rhodes sword and hides in I assume some kind of cellar. Rhodes finds her, but offers to train her to be a Huntress so that when she’s of age, she can enter a Huntsman Academy and have a better life. After all, killing her stepfamily won’t end her suffering.

Over what looks like years, Cinder receives training whenever Rhodes returns to the hotel, and she becomes a very strong fighter. But she still has to undergo the abuse for at least years. Regardless, she’s growing closer to her goal and Rhodes even gives her his sword. Unfortunately, one day, the stepsisters inform their mother that Cinder has a weapon. By the time Rhodes returns, hours have gone by and the hotel seems empty. But it isn’t long before he enters the cellar, finding the stepsisters dead and Cinder having as hold of her stepmother. The electrocution does nothing as Cinder simply snaps her neck, killing her. Cinder is relieved, having gotten rid of her abusers and now having her freedom. But to her shock Rhodes not only disapproves, but pulls his weapons, seeming to intending to turn her in. Cinder is shocked, then enraged as they fight. In the end, Cinder kills Rhodes and he merely pats her head before falling dead to the ground. Cinder rips the shock collar off and looks out the window, crying but also smiling as she is now free.

We cut to the present with Cinder waking up, Emerald having brought her back to Monstra. Cinder is very much not happy even as Emerald tries to explain how she had been hurt. Mercury comes in, saying that it’s pointless and again telling Emerald that Cinder does not care. Cinder orders them out... but Mercury isn’t there to obey her anymore. He reveals that Salem has plans for him, and thus he’s now higher up just as he wanted in Volume 6. This, he no longer follows Cinder, and she loses one more person she once had control over. They’ve been summoned to the bridge for something big. Mercury leaves with Emerald soon following, leaving Cinder sitting alone.

Meanwhile, Oz is trying to convince Oscar to let him take over to give the kid a break from the beatings. But Oscar has a suggestion. While they are there, why not use Salem’s own tactics against her? She uses her agents to sew the seeds of division among her enemies... so why can’t they dot he same with her allies? Hazel comes in, asking for the password once more. Ozpin now takes over, enraging Hazel. But when Oz asks why he’s even working for Salem when he’s fully aware of what she’s done, the brute says that there’s no point to fighting her. He knows what she can do. She will win. It’s foolish to go against her, and due to Oz countless young lives have been lost for what he deems a hopeless cause. But Oz points out that someone had to try and is about to reveal what’ll happen if the Relics are united to show just how bad the stakes are, when Salem enters to call everyone to the bridge.

All of Salem’s current agents are there, though Emerald and Neo are noticeably more to the side. Watts has contacted Tyrian to report his hacking efforts, which causes Salem to turn to Cinder. She causes the Grimm Arm to send Cinder into a wave of pain, just as she was forced into under her stepmother. But suddenly, Salem says that Cinder’s current actions are her fault, and the pain stops. She says that she denied Cinder what she wanted after all that she endured, so she allows Cinder to take the Winter Maiden powers from Penny, whether she or her Hound gets there first. or now, Cinder and Tyrian are to get Watts as Salem launches her attack. IDK if i’s Oscar or Oz begging them not to as they’ll be sealing their own doom, but Salem merely says that it’s too late.

Meanwhile, the Ace-Ops are less than happy about Watts and now having to go after what Elm says is junk, causing Winter to more or less tell them to shut up. Marrow catches a comms transmission and upon putting it on speaker, finds that it’s Jaune trying to warn someone about the Grimm River. They land before the three, who are heading for Mantle on the repaired hoverbike. When Jaune tries to explain, Harriet is more interested in finding Penny and again blames them for the situation. before she can continue though, the river... well... shoots up. To Atlas. It launches several Grimm, and they destroy the Hard Light Shield Generators. Our heroes, the Ace-Ops, Ironwood, and even the people in the Crater can only watch in horror as the shields go down. Salem gives the order, and Monstra unleashes a horde of various Grimm as the chapter ends.

Review

As I said in the intro, many have been waiting for a Cinder backstory for a long, long time. The lack of one and a definite motivation has been one of the biggest criticisms against Cinder for years now. Before we begin, I should talk about my opinion of Cinder. As I do with Ruby, I have always found Cinder an interesting character. For all the things people complained about her, like her lack of motivation, thirst for power, her declining threat level, it only made me more interested. Why? Because there’s always just enough small things to get my attention. Her hatred of Ruby for making her feel weak, getting angry whenever someone like Watts spoke back at her, even burning him in Volume 5 for getting after her changing the invasion plans. How she seems borderline obsessed with power and being in control, becoming more and more unhinged whenever she loses it. After being the puppet-master for he first three volumes, watching as we slowly learn that she is just another’s puppet and her quest for power always had me asking why she was like this.

At long last, we have the answer. Now to be honest... most of this went exactly as I expected since I knew that she was a Cinderella expy. She had an abusive guardian. Abusive stepsisters. She was abused, treated as a slave, and generally miserable. But unlike Cinderella, who always remained kind and loving in spite of her stepfamily’s torment, Cinder was angry, spiteful, and did break. Heck considering her previous living conditions, maybe she was sold as a slave, The only thing I didn’t expect was for her to have a prince/godmother figure in Rhodes, someone who gave her a chance to eventually attain a better life. But sadly, it ended with her snapping and killing both her abusers and the only person to show her kindness. Cinder got her freedom, but also sealed herself to a miserable life.

Now there’s already been some arguments about this. Everyone agrees that the stepfamily sucks, but how much fault does Rhodes hold? I think that he had good intentioned, but there’s the fact that ultimately he left Cinder to continue to be abused despite fully well knowing about it. Now I get why some go ‘just take her’, but that would have plenty of it’s own issues like him being accused of kidnapping, endangering an innocent girl, etc. Ultimately I think that Rhodes was a decent guy who did what he thought he could do to give Cinder a chance at a better life under the circumstances. She just had to endure the abuse for a few years as her inspiration did, then she could walk free. But sadly, that didn’t happen. Rhodes made a mistake in not at least stepping up to demand Cinder be treated better, maybe event threatening to inform someone higher up about it and endangering the business. But he didn’t, and this along with drawing his weapons' against Cinder sealed his demise. It’s sad, but with how hurt Cinder was and after the abuse she suffered, I understand why she did it. It wasn’t the right thing to do, but it’s understandable. Her stepfamily deserved it though, no argument there.

But putting all of our attention on Cinder now, this answered/confirmed everything that I had suspected for years. Why does Cinder hate Atlas/the elite? Because she was abused by them. Why does she hate Huntsmen? Because one betrayed her. Why is she so obsessed with power? Because it’s what, in her mind, gave her freedom. Why does she want control? Because she was never  allowed to have it. It’s why she burned Watts in Volume 5, he tried to overpower her and she wasn’t going to take it. It’s why she loses it every time she loses a chance at the Maiden power, because it further reminds her of how weak and powerless she once was and never wants to be again. Heck it’s why she wants Ruby dead and even fears her, because she has a power that by it’s nature makes her powerless as Volume 3 proved, which was the first true time we saw Cinder get defeated. Just as she killed the one thing left in her way at that, she got brought right back down to that powerless girl beaten by everyone around her. Isn’t re-analyzing everything after big reveals fun?!

Everything makes sense, and we can now see how everything clicks. When we met Cinder, she was confident and in control of everything, and we didn’t question it as we knew virtually nothing back then. But as we learned about Salem, the true stakes, and the history of Remnant, the more we saw Cinder’s position slip. Every time she has gone after a Maiden past Amber, she failed. She’s failed at pretty much everything and her only success, getting The Lamp, was only because of Neo. So her anger and her grip has slipped more and more as the fact that she isn’t as powerful as she believed keeps hitting her and bringing her back to that barn/hotel. And now? Mercury has walked out on her in favor of Salem, and at this point I won’t be surprised if Neo walks and Emerald is eventually driven away. Cinder just can’t accept love and affection, having either never received it or in her eyes, those who did betrayed her. And unless she does come to understand these concepts and that people like Emerald are willing to care about her, she will be left all alone.

But the saddest part? At least with the deaths, it at least looked like Cinder could at least begin her life anew. But... she didn’t. Here’s one of my gripes with the chapter, us not seeing how she joined Salem. What happened after the deaths? Did she run away? Did she get arrested and escape? How did she meet Salem? What got Salem to take her in? I was hoping to get these answers to both know why Cinder is where she is and see more of how Salem brings people into her fold, but sadly we didn’t. That being said, we’ve seen enough to see how Cinder is just where she had previously been. She’s serving another for a goal that is not her own. She feels in control because it’s allowing her to get the power that she thinks will give her freedom. But it isn’t, and Salem occasionally showing her favor as she did here are why Cinder keeps falling back in line. Cinder escaped one abusive situation, but only ended up in another one and either doesn’t realize it or is in deep denial over it.

Honestly, it’s just... sad. I feel legit bad for Cinder. Her life was awful, and she either never got a say in it or when she did, made the wrong choice. Now does this justify anything that she has done? No. She still killed Pyrrha. She still killed Vernal. She still killed innocent people, like that Mistral girl just so she could steal her stuff. She caused Penny’s first death. She caused the Grimm attack that killed who knows how many people in Vale. She was perfectly willing to kill an elderly woman just for her powers. And as Jaune said in Volume 5, always with a sick smirk on her face. There is a LOOOT of blood on her hands and as bad as I feel for her, nothing justifies the horrible things that she has done. The only way that I can see her at least begin a redemption arc is to both start to understand the concept of people caring as well as realize just what horrible things she’s done. If Emerald and Neo turn on her as Mercury has, that could be what does it, or has her double down. I have been pretty against Cinder being redeemed because of her lack of remorse, but I have been convinced that it’s plausible. It’s all going to depend on the execution. But in the end, whether she change or stick to the path she’s on now, she ultimately has my pity.

Okay, that’s enough on Cinder for now. Let’s now talk about Oscar and Oz. And just like in Chapter 4, seeing Oscar so battered and even a little bloody is... rough. Hell, Oz trying to convince Oscar to let him take over to give the kid a break with Oscar refusing is... yeah. But I do like how Oscar brings up a very good point. Salem’s power comes form her causing division. Using her pawns to go out and place doubt into other’s minds. And it works... so why can’t they do the same? Place doubt into the minds of Salem’s agents. We as the audience know fully well that not everyone is on board. Hazel is a hypocrite, but essentially serves Salem as he sees fighting her as hopeless and thus directs the hate onto Oz since that’s someone he can harm. Neo hates being there, Emerald is scared, and despite his promotion Mercury is as terrified as Emerald is and we can see he does still care about her. Even Cinder we see could turn if she ever realized that she’s in no better a place she was as before. Only Tyrian is really full-heartedly loyal. There are cracks within Salem’s ranks, and Oscar has an open chance to shatter it.

But he’s gonna have to act fast. So... that River, huh? Yep, it was meant for Atlas. It’s a cunning move. But this makes Ironwood’s actions even more cruelly ironic. Imagine that he stayed in Mantle. Chances are, the forces would have been out in the tundra. There is a good possibility that they could have discovered the River sooner. Even with them not knowing about it turning into a geyser, they could have at least prepared for something or come up with a defense. It shows just how poor Ironwood’s decision truly was and even if he had shot Atlas upward, all it would have done was delay the inevitable. Worse, he’s sent his best soldiers to the tundra to find Penny. Even if they do, Watts will have control and Ironwood’s own temper allowed that. Ironwood okayed right into Salem’s hands, and he has sealed Atlas’ doom. Oh he won’t go down without a fight, for that I’m certain. But I get the feeling that it’s gonna be too late.

Chapter Stats

Favorite Character: Cinder Fall Favorite Scene: Cinder and Salem interaction near the end Least Favorite Scene: Mmm... Cinder being electrocuted was hard to watch Favorite Voice Actor: Jessica Nigri (Cinder) Favorite Animation: Cinder vs Rhodes Rating: 8/10

Final Thoughts

So far, this is my least favorite chapter of the volume. Not because it was bad, it just feels... incomplete. There are still several pieces with Cinder that I feel are missing, mainly how she came under Salem. But that may be an answer for another day. I also feel like they should have done this sooner, especially since after how long it’s been and Cinder doing worse and worse things, it’s harder for me to feel 100% bad for her, but I get they may not have had a choice. What we did get, however, was more than enough to answer the many questions regarding Cinder that we’ve had for eight volumes now. We know understand why she is how she is, and even how she could begin to turn it around. But that’s still a choice that only she can make. The wait was very much worth it, and add to two new songs (one being by Casey’s band OK Goodnight, yay!), Oscar showing his development, us seeing the cracks in the villains mindsets, and of course the ending taking us right back to the stakes of this volume. One more to go until the mid-season break folks, and knowing this show, they’re gonna ensure that we wait in agony.

[eucharistintact]

OMG interaction on tumblr.com i’m shocked!!!!! lydz @hockeydilf tagged me in the top 10 songs i’ve been listening to currently!!! i’ve been in a really heavy deathcore/music of my emo days kick so please excuse all the teenage angst and brutal rage and random shit, leggo:

1. DARKEST SPAWN BY LORNA SHORE oh my fuckin goddddd!!!!!!!! so HEAVY AND YUCKY and black metal-esque omg!!!!! the best. out of all the times i have said i’m obsessed with a song, i never really knew what it meant to b obsessed. honestly. i got SERVED by this mf song. “none of us are fucking safe, in a sick world full of snakes”

2. my disguise by currents highly recommend this song even if u arent into heavy music, it’s more metalcore and less screaming

3. maleficium by lorna shore honestly the song and the entire EP (even tho my fave song on the EP is a toss up between uhhhhh lets face it ALL OF THEM gdi) tom barber’s voice is so powerful and the whole tracklist from start to finish is spooky as fuck and i love it. it gives me goosebumps. maleficium is the latin word for “an act of witchcraft performed with the intentions of causing damage or injury” per wikipedia and it matches the tone of the album in its entirety. HOWEVER what i love so so so so much about lorna shore, who are basically my perfect all-time favorite deathcore group, is that their lyricism in my opinion is far above their competition in the genre. most bands think every song being a variant of “fuck your religion/god” which yes i get the sentiment but its boring and worn out and lorna shore provides such a depth of emotion and a way with words that is only intensified by tom’s growls and thrilling highs jsjsksjzkzk okay i’m done

4. without me by halsey ...look i don’t know shit about this girl other than that baby pull me closer chainsmokers song but the moment i heard this i was HOOKED. BRUH. her voice in this song makes me MELT

5. wornout by traitors “my generosity has turned into a ball and chain, that’s the cold hard truth.. i’d stay the fuck away from me IF I WERE YOU” perfect for headbanging the FUCK OUT

6. imagine by ariana grande because lets b honest...who isnt obsessed w/ this song (is it problematic for me to say that i dont like 7 ringz)

7. do bad on my own by z-ro like i said this list is fucking random and while i acknowledge wholeheartedly that this is a bop, idk why it always fucking ends up stuck in my head!!!!! like i’ll be cleaning tables before the dinner rush and BAM the next 4 hours my subconscious elevator music playlist gets jammed on this track.....so involuntarily this is a top song in my spotify

8. hour of abhorrence by signs of the swarm after getting acquainted with lorna shore replacing tom barber with cj mcreery and of course tearing thru LS’ entire discography, i decided to check out cj’s old band and ONCE AGAIN i’m fucking obsessed with his old sound like the “senseless order” album is so PERFECT and hauntingly heavy. the intro to hour of abhorrence embodies that tone that reverberates through my chest and chills me deep to my bones!! perfect gym music too!!! love cj like have a huge fucken crush on him he’s so pretty

9. the conscience killer by a skylit drive TOTALLY fucking indulgent of my emo phase from age 11-15 but in all honesty a skylit drive will always be one of my favorite bands. she watched the sky (the best), wires, adelphia, identity on fire— ALL SO MONUMENTAL IN MY YOUNG ADULT LIFE. i remember going thru some shit and being so DEPRESSED but i would take my giant red cd player, plug into the outlet on the back porch and lie down in the sun and listen to indentity on fire cd on repeat. wow. the memories and the emotions associated with the songs are heavy!!!!

and last but not least.... (finally, right?😭😹)

10. no show by toro y moi like dude....i dont want to listen to anything but metal atm man but i was just reminded of this amazing musical group that my fellow metal-loving friend and coworker is seeing in concert right now. this song is heavenly i swear and it’s a bop u can get down n grind to. “my baby got fed up with my ego”

okay this is alot and if u made it all the way through thank you for sharing my thoughts and parts of my heart as i am connected to the music i love in thatnway!!!

💭💭🔅🔆fuck i’m so blitzed i almost forgot i have ti tag people so i choose @escarjorts @ursamini @clammylemon @egertin @jordanstaalsmugshot @buyerns please this is so fun to share your passions and seeing everyone’s unique musical interest! dont forget to tag me so i can go back and take a look at your list of top 10 current faves ;)) :$

[shark-myths]

2017 Writing Reflection

*All answers should be about works published in 2017.

@horsegirlharry tagged me in this! I have been in a brief writing hiatus while I study for my licensing exam (read: I am all the way dead inside) and I miss it so, so much! Looking back over this year made me HYPE to return to the Peterick motherland in 2018.

1. List of works published this year:

Processions

V Day

Be Careful Making Wishes

Small Things

Love’s A Universe

If It Helps You Control Yourself

Fall Out Boy: Live In Tokyo

Like A Chapel In A Hospital

Yes Or No, But No Maybes

Romance Is Dead

Joe Troh Band Ho

Leaves a Mark

The Mad Key

In Every Universe

Saint Anthony

The Difference Between Real Love and the Love On TV

Smash The Mirror, Break The Palm Reader’s Hand

Girl Out Boy

The Opposite of Amnesia

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

This can’t possibly be a surprise to anyone because it’s all I can talk about, but GIRL OUT BOY. I found so much of myself in that story, far more than I ever expected to. I have never written anything more important or more impactful. Every single person who read it and told me it was important to them too, that they felt something, that it allowed them to understand their young selves differently or more kindly, made me cry. Literally every one of them. It’s the best thing I have ever done.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I don’t know if I’ve ever published anything that I wasn’t proud of? I’m either arrogant or self-assured, idk. There’s stuff that turns cringey or embarrassing with age, of course, but I think everything I’ve put up this year is solid writing and good storytelling. The closest answer I have to this is that it’s really surreal that I posted two AFI fics this year, because it feels like it’s been a literal lifetime since I was in that headspace. I have an awkward-guilty relationship to my works in that fandom now, but I think that they are still good technically, and Small Things was an intensely personal and important piece about my ED experience, so I’m still glad I wrote it and proud of the work I put in.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

My favorite single scene I wrote this year was the horseshoe crab scene in Girl Out Boy. It makes me laugh so hard. I almost copied and pasted the whole thing here before deciding on this:

What’s ‘boyfriend’ but another word for ‘someone who fucks other girls when you’re not looking’? No, Pete doesn’t belong to anybody anymore. Not even herself. Pete leaves grim, surly Andy at the bar, saying nonsensically, “Be our lighthouse. Guide us home” before she drags Pat out onto the cramped, sweaty dance floor.

Jo, of course, is already in the center of it, just as drunk as Pat and spinning like she personally was elected club disco ball. Pete grabs Jo by the hips and dances up on her, laughing when Jo realizes it’s her and starts grinding and booty popping with abandon. They dance til the club seems to spin of its own accord, three girls linked by heat and heartbeat and meant to be. Pete feels like the brightest thing in the room. She tips her head back, shows her throat to the ceiling ‘cause the sky’s all that she’ll submit to, laughs and laughs. If enough people see her having a good time, she must be. Happiness is brittle and splintery. It’s other people’s eyes that make things real.

Pete gets distracted for a little while by a Tall Dark and Random who hooks her by the belt loops and moves his body with a passion that moves her in return. She feels manageable under his big hands—like she can be broken down, bite-size, and swallowed. It is good to feel hands on her, like someone else is holding her together for once. His mouth is on her neck, stubble and teeth, and she thinks about how soft and vulnerable she is in all the places she gives away, how bitter and rough she is in those few hardscrabble places she keeps for herself. She’s just drunk enough to be strung between caring too much about everything and not caring about anything. His hands on her body either feel good or like nothing at all.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

Okay, like I said, literally every comment I got on Girl Out Boy is basically etched on my heart forever, so this is impossible. One person said “Your writing is always where fic and lyrics collide” though, and that was pretty amazing, because I spend a lot of time steeping in lyrics and then weaving them into fic, and I’m always delighted when people have a positive response to that. Another amazing comment was when someone proposed marriage to my tryst theory and then we planned the wedding together. (It’s next Halloween. You’re all invited.)

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I very nearly died while writing Smash The Mirror, Break The Palm Reader’s Hand. I was so absolutely stuck and running up against a deadline, and I felt like every word of it was garbage, and it sucked to have to fight and struggle so hard for each word when it seemed like I was producing crap. Luckily my amazing beta @immoral-crow came along and said kind, soft things, and I started to see value in the work and get excited. I’m really fond of the fic now, and I love how it came out all dreamy—I was trying to channel Sarah McCarry or Francesca Lia Block and I think I did okay at that. I’m a pretty lazy writer—when it’s not working or doesn’t feel good, I’ll usually stop and come back later when things are flowing. Which means that I have noooo self-discipline when I’m up against a wall, and I get very pitiful. I complaind more in the month I was writing that fic than I did in the rest of 2017 combined, probably. Me every 2 seconds: why is it sooooooooo hard, why is my life like this, cut off my hands I shall never write again

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

They surprise me constantly! I’m a discovery writer—it’s fun for me because I generally have no idea what’s going to happen next and I’m delighted when the characters show me. One surprise was when I was writing The Difference Between Real Love and the Love On TV, and I had to write a sex scene but it kept ending itself in a fade-out and then I’d have to go back and try again. That’s why the big sex scene in that fic plays like the end of Lord of the Rings. I couldn’t write it through without a million cut-aways.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

- I wrote about queer women and their interiority in a really intentional way, which challenged me and moved me and helped me know myself better.

- I did Bandom Big Bang, wrote a fic-by-request for a fundraiser, and participated in Bandom Bingo 2017. That’s a lot of writing for specific prompts and on specific timelines that was different for me—usually I just write what I feel when I feel it. I’ve definitely been learning better discipline as a result.

- I’ve always been a really personal writer, but somehow it took me this long to realize that instead of writing out my issues through band member proxies, I could literally make them queer women and figure out my shit directly. An unusually large bit of what you’ve read of my work this year is cribbed directly from my life or my experiences.

- I made more writer friends and deliberately read and commented on more fic and I started working with a beta for the first time in my life!

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I want to do even more of the above! Especially reading other people’s fic. I read a ton of traditionally published books, but I learned how to write from fanfiction and I want to get back into the habit of reading more of it! Yeah, that’s an open invitation to send in your recs.

I’m also hoping to work with my new pal @conditionsofhappiness to learn how to do that neat writerly thing called ‘revision’ and get more disciplined. And I want to focus more on representation in my work, especially making room for POV characters of color, because that’s something we aren’t great at in fandom and I think we could do better. (That’s why I wrote Saint Anthony, and it’s the best short thing I’ve written in ages! I’m hoping to do more of that in 2018.)

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

@immoral-crow, who is there for me for every problem whether it’s in-story or not. She betas my life as well as my work, and she always has something to say that I need to hear. She helps me celebrate women and rage at the heteropatriarchy, we read amazing books together, her kindness may well be bottomless, and sometimes, if I am very very good, she Facetimes me drunk and pink and silly. She’s my first beta after 15 years of writing rogue, and I have no idea how I ever lived without her.

@horsegirlharry, who journeyed out of the black pit of AFI fandom with me this year (we climbed a ladder of rainbows to escape) and has celebrated fandom community and girlhood and softness and vulnerability with me all year. She is the staunchest supporter of my commitment to the FOB fandom, to goodness and love, and to whatever project I’m excited about. I am so proud of both of us for how we’ve let ourselves grow!

And any of you who have read my work and told me how it impacted you. That shit literally keeps me going. This year and every year, I would not exist without you guys. 

 11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Always. I am more obsessed with my relationship with myself and my own past than Pete Wentz, istg. The most egregiously stolen-from-my-life things this year are the entire fic Small Things and the Girlsploration of Pat Stump in Girl Out Boy, when she’s reviewing her history and realizing belatedly how incredibly gay it is. Every story about every girl Pat recalls in that bit literally actually happened to me. My life is so specifically embarrassing.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

> Write! The most amazing thing about writing is that you can package up something deeply personal and true about you and just—send it out into the ether. That means people who are ideally suited to befriend and care for you are likely to find it, to find you. I make most of my friends by posting fanfiction on the internet and letting nice strangers bound up to me and start conversations. It doesn’t matter what you’re writing or if it’s ‘good enough.’ The way to get connected to your community and find your people, the way to get better and to learn, the way to get involved in something that will inspire and motivate you and possibly change your life, is just to write and put it out there. I didn’t expect a single person to read Girl Out Boy but I wanted to write it anyway, so I did, and it’s the best thing I did with my whole year. So seriously. Write.

> Some people are assholes and that’s okay. You’re writing for yourself and your friends. Anyone who doesn’t fall into those categories is humbly invited to choose any dick in the world and suck it. Seriously—if someone is hurting you, you don’t need to listen to them, and that doesn’t mean you’ll be a bad writer. Relatedly: if you aren’t enjoying your work, put it down. Write something else. This should feel good.

> Write 20 Minutes. This is how I bully myself when I’m procrastinating or having trouble getting into a flow. Make a commitment to spend 20 minutes really writing—no tumblr, no cell phone, no distractions. Turn off the wifi. Put your phone under a pillow in the other room. And just write, or try to, really honestly for 20 minutes. When the timer goes off, if it still feels sucky, stop! Writing isn’t working today so don’t worry about it! You made a serious attempt, and now you don’t have to feel guilty. Seriously, guilt will kill you. It will never help you produce more words. Try being kind to yourself instead. You’re doing great, even if you only got seven and a half words down in that whole 20 minutes.

> Take a notebook out in public and write! This is one of my favorite treats to myself, even though it’s hard to make myself actually leave my cozy house when the moment comes. In public, you will be so bored and avoidant of stranger small talk that you’ll be forced to focus on your work. It’s also really nice to get a change of scenery, and signal to your brain that it’s time to be intentional and engaged! Try coffee shops and libraries and parks and whatever the most beautiful places are in your town.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

If you saw the length of the “Peterick Ideas” doc in my phone you would be horrified. Um, I want to write everything all the time! I’m already thinking about the next installment of Girl Out Boy (it has a playlist), I’m planning a StormPilot fic, and I’m open to suggestions.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read.

@leyley09, @immoral-crow, and @beckettsthoughts!

[coldstarlightsheep-blog]

I don’t want you to suffer, but I don’t want to suffer either.

I don’t want the anxiety that arises when the cellphone receives a new message.

I don’t want to think about the possible conversations, the possible polite behavior that would stimulate a celebration in an inappropriate post.

I would try to stop and listen to you, if you gave me the truth… but placing the blame on me for being ‘too jealous’ is just unfair.

But it’s okay…

I don’t what was the feeling/reason that made this guy come around… But I hope it’s still lasting.

I am not a toddler or afraid of being alone…

Been alone for a while, and it’s bad… But feeling this insecure is worse.

And just as food for thought: I was the only one to change the output of love that I offered.

From a weird guy that wanted to talk to you and know about you in Tumblr, to a cold liar dog fake person kinda thing.

And in the beginning I tried to help you even with my improper help, about your loneliness, about your self-esteem, about your anxiety, about all I could.

But time went on…

And little by little you lost the shame you had on getting naked or showing yourself to me.

Remember when you had an anxiety crisis when you thought about taking some clothes?

Time passed and I started retracting and retracting and retracting…

Galo art, ? And this cunt.

The first guy posting songs in your timeline disappeared with not a lot of problems.

I don’t remember if there was someone in the middle. There probably was a Brazilian girl that lives in Germany and your exes.

Guess that by the time this guy came around, you were already full of losing control of your life to someone else.

And the first time that you talked about what this guy was into… I remember I got stressed and asked you what did he meant.

But you guys kept talking in Instagram…

Then you got fierce, added him back on FB and told me to mind my own business.

A long while ago… You deleted the history of conversation with him because you needed space (you guys share files or smth? because text is super lightweight)

Then he kept the flow of messages and you started ignoring him, maybe… anxious to answer, anxious when I would read it.

Anxiety because you knew how that could affect me.

I’ve been feeling down with the whole thing that I got to read in Instagram. But we started getting back together, and in my own time I was starting to create roots again.

But a great day after classes exams and shit I get to read the celebration of this fucking asshole.. pretty much targeted at me, because it was not about the post and it was not about something you didn’t knew.

Teaching (maybe agreeing) with you on this pseudo freedom bullshit.

I remember checking his profile on your Instagram and he was blocked. And like (https://www.facebook.com/help/instagram/426700567389543/) I work with computers for a living and even though I’m not the brightest one sometimes… I can still know when things ain’t right.

And like you could tell me you’re sorry. That I’ve pushed you to unblock him and talk to him, you could have deleted his comment in “respect”(?)

But if you’re so certain that it ain’t worth to be an 'asshole’ to someone 'sweet’.

Then keep telling me how sick and jealous I am… And how I partially cause problems in the relationship, therefore I have to change entirely.

Therefore, you should come to talk to me if you think you’re being misjudged…

But I think you won’t. Because you ain’t used in asking for forgiveness, trying to argue that you did something wrong…

I think these are narcissistic-like characteristics and therefore

- you won’t try to approach. - you won’t be able to empathize with how lost I am. - you will think that as a human, I’m dealing with this whole thing poorly. - you will find all the right explanations to why I am so insecure, but you won’t listen to what I have to say.

If you can’t talk to me, it means that you’re just too conflicted with your own convictions. And between dropping some convictions and staying in bed feeling down with such an horrible bf, you will perform the second option and blame me for everything.

Its funny that in order for your friend to have a chance with her guy in a long distance relationship, they had to 'open’ their relationship.

When you freaked out feeling anxious because she was rubbing in your face that she was going to move out and etc…

I told you that she was not getting anything that was truly hers right?

I told you that it was not a good opportunity, that they still were too 'young’ and that only time would tell.

Now even with the open relationship, their feelings might still fade. After one of them doesn’t spend time to care for each other, because they’re too busy flirting with other people.

Can you imagine how awesomely nice it is to be working your ass off,

Waking up around 6:30 taking a cold shower in a fucking bucket,

then working/studying from 08:00 to 18:00 (sometimes even later)++, in a city with violence that has no water, where you’re robbed in your way back from university at 5pm…

while your partner is receiving the news of that special someone that has a crush on them?

- There are 3 tropical storms around here. - Ohhh you’re so lucky. - hahaha, _still_ coming to visit one day? - yeah, I would love to visit. 😁

~~~~

- I miss you, don’t count me out of your life. - I won’t. - don’t you wanna fix this communication problem? I want to talk more freely don’t you? - _I want it too_. - maybe we/you could create a new acct. Idk.

~~~~

You won’t know how it feels. Because you can’t empathize with me.

You will keep telling me that I’m the wrong one. That I’m the one with a fucked up head…

So we end up with in this shit.

If he talks to you and you’re sincere to them… He will probably keep getting in touch often. Sending random subjects to start a conversation and cheer you up.

Maybe you will just zone out for a while now and feel bad until you come back with the “new years” resolution plans.

The last thing that will happen is some action to try to fix this situation, repair my feelings.

My heart is falling apart and I feel as suicidal as always. But one thing I won’t do is to agree that I’m “too jealous”.

I guess it’s easier for me to block people when you ask that of me, because they don’t often give a fuck to me anyways…

34 weeks ago you posted a selfie of your #bangs and this guy started exposing his mind at least there 26w (6months and a half), filters from Snapchat on Instagram 25w ago.

Same fucking thing.💓

Since that time… I was doing what I could to keep things going.

I even suppressed my own self to put up with the comments that would appear in your fb. Block them, was the solution…

But it didn’t last long…

And now you don’t know what to do about it… Getting in terms with the disaster, is easier than coming around and trying to prevent anything.

Having to talk anything without sarcasm, without the intention to hurt…

And I know that it’s easier to try to be nice to those more distant from you… Instead of an asshole.

So I just let it happen.

Just don’t imagine me as a being that doesn’t feel anything…

I ain’t as talkative as in the beginning… But I feel the things just the same…

And I fell in love for some of your flaws, thinking that knowing hurt you would be okay to hangout with. I thought that being depressed, would make you feel with time more caressing of others… Since you know how pain can feel.

But this part of you, that wants to be free… pushed me away from the part that wants attention.

You said things that I have mostly forgot… But you started putting me in a place of a 'roommate’. I destroyed the morning that we went to call ganxo, I destroyed the trip, I would lose the flight if we hadn’t argued. (But you saved it) I destroyed most of your friendships… I made you spend a lot of money to not act to your expectations… I got obsessed over an asshole that has been lurking around for more than 7 months.

Therefore, I probably destroyed everything… Being this jealous. Over a trump supporter that is not my friend but I can’t be an asshole…

So I have to text him accordingly…

Argghhhhhhh the more I write the more it accumulates in the tip of my fingers.

I told you when we started dating that people are somewhat predictable and they are.

I will sink now… One exam Monday, another Tuesday, work…. The water in the pipes only arrives Monday. You probably won’t come over… And I will be labeled the jealous crazy fuck.

What I need is something simple… But it will probably not happen, you’ll not empathize, won’t regret, won’t approach…

Anyways…