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#like they make me want to enjoy life to its fullest
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♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL
#62: The Happy Beginning (1.06)
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gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck
Richonne got their much-deserved happy ending, and better yet, I adore that Richonne and their children's happy ending is really a happy beginning. 🥹
Because now, the everyday life with their family truly starts. So rather than feeling solely like a closed chapter, the story lands on a hopeful and positive note that feels like “...and so it begins." The life Rick and Michonne always wanted to live together can now begin again.
So while it’s also a perfect final note for us as we (seemingly) no longer get to go with them into the next chapters, I appreciate that we always get to know that there are more bright and hopeful chapters for our Grimes family, together at last 🙌🏽🎉...
I announced these RIR-TOWL posts on July 21st and now they conclude today, September 21st. And I’m super grateful to you all for reliving this TOWL experience with me in-depth for the last 62 days of summer. 🥹🙏🏽
As you can see, saying I have a novels-worth of thoughts on this show was not hyperbolic. 😅 And that's because if this is it, I wanted to go as all out as I could. And because Danai, Andy, & Scott gave their all in creating this love letter to Richonne, I especially wanted to give my all in dissecting, reflecting, and reveling in The One Who Live. If only those three could know how grateful I am to them for this show because it really was a beacon of light during this time in my life. ☀️
In this real world, I’d say love matters most. It’s what makes life worth living to find people and things you love. Love in its many forms, including in fiction, is worth celebrating and enjoying to the fullest.
So that’s really what I’ve tried to do with all these posts over all these years - celebrate one of my favorite ways I’ve ever seen love take shape. It’s been a joy to watch two beautiful characters inside and out depicting the most beautiful love. Falling in love never looked so exquisite. And finding family never felt so rewarding. 😌
And we're finishing strong as we talk about TOWL's final moment where Rick and Michonne embrace the beautiful family they created. 🥹
So - still hugging, Judith and Rick look over at Michonne and RJ. And on top of it being surreal to see Judith grown up now, you can tell for Rick it’s extra surreal to be looking at this little boy who's comprised of him and Michonne and dressed like Carl. 😭
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gif cred: @twdfranchise
That’s something that’s also really cool, is after going on this journey of losing and then regaining the image of Carl, Rick now gets to see this child who is Carl’s little brother and has his attributes. And just like Carl always wore Rick’s sheriff hat to feel close to his dad and strong like his dad, Rick gets to see that his youngest son has also done the same. 
I love that Judith looks at her mom and gives her her flowers saying, “You got him back.” It was a hefty task but Michonne pulled it off and brought home the Brave Man just like she set out to do. And I love how you can tell Judith is very proud of her mom for that.
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gif cred: @twdfranchise
Then it's so sweet seeing Michonne smile at Judith and say, “You told me to.” Best mom/daughter duo, y’all. 😭 Plus, TOWL said let us give the viewers one more reminder that Judith wanted her mom to go find their dad. Like this was never an act of abandonment, going after Rick was Michonne’s daughter’s request.
I like how Michonne saying this also feels like she’s saying that knowing her daughter believed she should go was part of the fuel to do it. She did it for her daughter. And for her son. And for her husband. And for herself. For all of them. And Michonne’s giving Judith her flowers too for the way she gave her the push she needed to go get him. 
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gif cred: @twdfranchise
I love the way Rick is holding one kid and Michonne is holding the other. You know these four are about to be pretty inseparable for a while.
And then you can visibly see the moment they all realize that the time has come for Rick Sr. to meet Rick Jr. 
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gif cred: @twdfranchise
Rick looks at RJ who is smiling up at him while holding onto his mom and then, Michonne has such a happy and proud expression as she presents RJ to his dad.
Michonne definitely has such a sweet “look at this life we made” vibe as she holds onto RJ and steps to the side for the two to have their moment.
It’s sweet how RJ seems understandably reserved at first and holds onto his mom until the last second. And then I love seeing Michonne still keep a comforting arm on her son as Rick stands before him. 
Any time I’d picture Rick and RJ’s first interaction, I always pictured one of the first things RJ would note is that this man in front of him is The Brave Man - and sure enough😊. RJ looks up at Rick and the first thing he sweetly says to his dad is, “You’re The Brave Man?” 
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gif cred: @riickgrimes
This moment is surreal for Rick, and surreal for me too because we're finally seeing a scene with Rick and RJ, the son he created with Michonne. 🙌🏽😭 And I'm so so happy that Rick was able to come into RJ's life while he's still so young. Rick will get to have an active role in RJ's core childhood and adolescent memories now.
Then, I adore Rick’s response to his son's first words to him. He’s immediately emotional and so he takes a breath and instantly looks right over at Michonne - the mother of his child. 🥹
I love the way you see him again find his center when looking at her during this emotional moment. Michonne really is like the glue between them all in this scene. And I like how she has her arms wrapped around one or more of her children at all times during this reunion. 
There’s just so much communicated in Rick’s look over at Michonne. It was another "Baby, we made a baby" moment between them as you can see it truly hitting Rick that he's meeting the son he made with his soulmate.
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gif cred: @riickgrimes
After Michonne had reassured Rick that he really is the Brave Man that his kids believe him to be along their journey home, I love that Rick now gets to hear it directly from the source. 
Rick then looks back at RJ with so much emotion etched on his face as he responds, “I am.” 😭 He doubted if he was the Brave Man before, but I think especially now hearing his little mini-me say it, Rick knows he too can believe that’s who he is.
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gif cred: @riickgrimes
And then I love the way Michonne again expresses how highly she views Rick as she says her final line of TOWL, looking to RJ while holding onto Judith as she smiles and says, “He is.” 🥹
It’s fitting for Michonne's last line to again be one that expresses her utmost belief in Rick. She wants her son to know that this father in front of him really is The Brave Man from years ago and still is The Brave Man right here and now. In fact, now more than ever. 
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RJ smiles over at his mom and then looks back up at Rick just adorably beaming. And it really feels like he’s meeting his hero.
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gif cred: @riickgrimes
And then it is precious beyond words when Rick adjusts RJ’s hat just like he’d do with Carl. 🥹
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gif cred: @riickgrimes
Rick then leans down and places a hand on RJ's shoulder just like he’d do with Carl too. And I love that Rick is so seamlessly back in father mode.
(Side note: It hit me that Rick will now get to have bonding moments of telling RJ stories about his big brother 😭)
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I adore this hat moment between Rick and RJ for so many reasons but especially because we were introduced to Rick Grimes in that hat from the very beginning of TWD. And after going on this years-long whirlwind journey with him, it is so extremely special that Rick's final scene includes him getting to see that hat on his youngest son after it was such a staple to him and his eldest son. 🥲
Rick securing the hat on RJ's head really felt like he wanted his son to know how proud he feels to see him carrying on this Grimes heirloom.
And then Rick so tenderly says, “But maybe you can call me Dad.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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gif cred: @riickgrimes
I love that Rick is so ready and eager to be a dad to his son. And I just know he and RJ will have such an incredible bond. Like Judith and Carl definitely felt like true blue Michonners lol, and RJ is too, but I also like to think RJ’s going to end up really gravitating to Rick. I can fully envision them being a super close father and son. 🥰
Then RJ says with certainty, “I knew you’d come back.” And I love the framing of this scene where you can see all four family members in the shot as they look at the youngest member of the Grimes.
It’s so sweet the way Michonne and Judith are holding each other tight and the way Rick has that fatherly hand on RJ’s shoulders as he looks right at him, likely still marveling that he’s looking at his own flesh and blood right now. 
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gif cred: @ricksmarlene
And when RJ says he knew Rick would come back, they all look curious about how the adorable baby of the family knew this. So Rick says his final line of TOWL as he asks RJ, “How?”
Y'all, I love that this is what Rick says for his last line because again, it makes me think of the end of season 4 - the pivotal era when Richonne fell in love with each other - and the classic scene where Michonne says she knows Rick's okay and he asks her "How?"
And just like back then when Michonne gave a beautiful answer to Rick's question and said, "Cause I'm okay too," - Their baby boy RJ also has a beautiful answer to Rick's question.
RJ replies with the final line of TOWL, saying, “I believed.” 
The sentiment of RJ revealing that he too was believing a little longer this whole time is so special. 🥹 And it's touching that Rick and Michonne's son gets the last line of this epic love story.
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gif cred: @riickgrimes
RJ saying 'I believed' is beautiful because he’s what his parents believed in for the future all those years ago and now his mom and dad get to hear that he believed in them back.
It’s heartwarming thinking first Rick had to believe a little longer that he’d reunite with his family, and then Michonne had to believe a little longer that Rick would reunite with their family, and then they get to see that even the child they created was believing right along with them. A child born from their belief.
As two characters fueled by believing, it really is powerful to see the final note being Rick and Michonne's son doing just that - believing his dad would find his way back to their family. That's the very mission Rick went on since the pilot of this franchise, and his story ends with him succeeding. Rick found his family and isn't going to be taken away from them this time. 🥹
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Rick seems deeply moved to hear his son say this and so he has this emotional smile at him and you can tell he so badly wants to finally hug his son. But again he lets RJ set the pace. And RJ sets the pace perfectly with the best hug. 😭
I adore the way this little boy hugs his dad for the first time. It just was so moving and so clear that he’s been wishing to be able to have his dad in his life for a long time. He needed his father and now here Rick is. 🥲 And Rick wanted this child long ago and now here RJ is.
Seeing Rick finally getting to hold his son, his 'other way to build for the future,' - it's clear Rick needed this too. 🥹
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Rick really is RJ's hero already, so RJ embraces him fully. And, of course, Rick is immediately reciprocal as he embraces his son and kisses his hat. 😭
I think about how Rick gave Carl that hat after he'd been shot in the woods. Giving Carl the hat was one of the ways Rick aimed to comfort his son during an extremely trying time. And then Carl wore that hat everywhere after. And when he died, it was hard for Rick to even look at the hat. But now the hat has become a positive symbol again as Rick gets to kiss the hat on his youngest son and honor the memory of his oldest son.
It’s so evident Rick and RJ already love each other. And I applaud both actors for only having one hug to show how much they love each other and pulling it off so completely. This Rick and RJ hug is everything, truly. 🥹🙌🏽
I love the way the theme music swells and rises as Rick and RJ stay in that heartfelt embrace, never wanting to let go. And I love Michonne and Judith’s reaction to seeing these boys finally get to meet and appear so instantly bonded. Rick's family means everything to him and in this scene, he gets to see that he means everything to them too. 🥹
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gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck
Judith’s emotional response to seeing her little brother meet and hug their dad always puts a lump in my throat. 🥲 Again, it was the perfect big sister-type response. She’s probably felt like a stand-in mom for RJ while Michonne was gone and has been really protective of him and just again wants to know he’s okay. And it’s like in this reunion moment she’s aware that her baby brother really will be okay because now RJ gets to experience a family with both his parents, like she did when she was younger.
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And Michonne just seems so happy to see her husband and son be so instantly connected. It has to be the greatest feeling ever to know that this baby she brought into this world alone will now have his father who adores him in his life.
And to see the love of her life, who she knows has been through so much, including the loss of Carl, get to now embrace his son and be a father to their kids again like he most cherished and was devoted to being. 🥹 Michonne so earnestly wanted Rick to have the chance to see the beautiful family they created. And now Rick is seeing it fully. And that visibly brings Michonne's heart pure joy. 
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gif cred: @kris-lulu
So then, after Rick and RJ get their own moment with this wonderful hug, Michonne and Judith join in for a family group hug and it’s just the epitome of a joyous conclusion for Rick and Michonne and the Grimes family’s story. I adore it. 🙌🏽
Michonne and Judith wrap their arms around Rick and RJ and Michonne and Rick share their final sweet and super married-with-kids kiss. I love the way Michonne smiles as they lean in for the kiss. 😊 And the way Rick of course doesn't stop at one as he leans in for the second kiss. 😋
It's great that after over 100 TOWL kisses they still included one more. It's only right to end the show with a kiss since, again, it's canonically one of Rick and Michonne's absolute favorite things. 😊
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gif cred: @riickgrimes
This last kiss is really special because it just again feels like Rick and Michonne having a moment to acknowledge that despite all the odds and obstacles over their many years in TWD, their many years apart, and then on their TOWL journey reuniting - they overcame, fell in the deepest love, and created this beautiful family together.
And now they get to live out their lives with this blissful Grimes family, loving on each other as hard as they can while they can. 🙌🏽
This family hug is just such a sweet moment of connection. I adore the way it’s filmed where it feels like Rick is holding his family and his family is holding him back. The shot with all three of their arms on Rick’s back is art. After a long and epic journey, these three are Rick Grimes' incredible reward. 🥹
(Side note: one of the things I think Rick probably will most like about Michonne's wedding ring is that it can be seen from a very far distance which means everyone from even miles away will know Michonne is taken lol.)
And then we get one more confirmation that Richonne are and always have been magnets. 🧲 Because as the camera pans out from the greatest family hug in history, Rick and Michonne both lower their arms down at the exact same time and do that little comforting thumb rub. You know my extra self is always here for even the subtlest of magnetic synchronicity between the two.
Y'all, this really is the perfect visual to conclude their story to me. 🥹
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gif cred: @lousolversons
Like seeing Michonne with her wedding ring-clad hand holding onto RJ while he holds onto his dad and Judith holds onto her and Rick, fills me with joy and emotion when I think about Michonne's whole journey.
Losing a partner and a young son, Mike and Andre, shutting down and living isolated for a while, showing up to a prison with formula for her future daughter Judith, building such a special bond with her son Carl, falling in love with her soulmate Rick, becoming a great leader, and resiliently bringing another son into the world, RJ. She's been through a lot on her journey and I adore how love and family found her and wholly embraced her as she fully embraced them right back.
Michonne Grimes' journey ending with her wrapping her arms around her babies and husband is just beautiful. 🥹🙌🏽
I also love that Judith and RJ will now get to experience their mom having the love of her life back in her life. The kids will see their mom happier and more loved than they’ve ever seen her now that Rick is back with them.
The Michonne they knew was one who was resiliently trying to live in the thick of a unique, lonely, and crippling grief. But now she can be all of her again because her other half has returned and is fully prepared to make up for lost time and love on her and their kids the way they all need.
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And seeing Rick be so loved and held by his family after everything in his journey means the world. 🥹
Waking up from a coma to learn the world had ended, refusing to succumb to defeat as he searched for his family, finding the people closest to him from the world before, Carl, Lori, and Shane, and then having to put together that Lori and Shane had fallen for one another in his brief absence. Experiencing the relationship with Lori and Shane crumble and result in death (one of which he had to kill because his 'brother' tried to kill and replace him), going through a mental breakdown but still having to lead, protect, and raise his young son and his newborn Judith.
Then, meeting the love of his life Michonne when she shows up at the prison fence, trying to have opposition with her at first but then falling head over heels in love with her, and no longer having to carry the weight of the world alone because now he has a soulmate who can lead him, lead others, love his children, and love him back to life time and time again. Losing his son Carl twice, realizing his son and family were always with him, and then getting to look in the eyes of his youngest son and finally hold RJ.
Along his journey, Rick endured many opponents, adversity, and painful losses, including losing himself when stripped of his family for nearly a decade. He had many fascinating arcs, many ups and downs, and managed to keep his signature good kind heart intact which is true strength. And no matter who thought they were bigger, better, or badder than him, Rick always proved to be the bravest. And it's the love for his family that made him brave and made him ultimately come out on top.
So Rick Grimes' journey ending with his wife, daughter, and youngest son back in his arms and loving him like he never left is just perfect. 😭🙌🏽
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gif cred: @riickgrimes
That final image of the four of them in this family hug amid the lush greenery truly looks like the embodiment of ‘things break but they can still grow.’ And this whole new plant - this wonderful family Richonne grew - is so well-deserved. Rick and Michonne truly triumphed.🎉
I think about how in 9.03 the song that played over their Family Fun Day with Judith was "All We Ever Wanted Was Everything" and seeing the Grimes family hugging and happy at the end of TOWL is all I ever wanted for them. 🥹
(That's part of why my stance on the future is - whatever it looks like, be it Richonne returning in a quick cameo, or returning for even more than that, or not returning at all, I just want Richonne and their kids to be happy, together, and at peace).
Also, I’m telling you right now, from here on out if Rick can’t get to someone named Michonne, Judith, or RJ within 5 minutes or less, he’s going to feel he’s gone too far away because you know he’s about to be attached to the hip to his family. 😊
I really feel like Rick is going to live out his life just healthily & happily obsessed with his wife and kids and so deeply grateful to Michonne every time he looks at their family and the life they have. Like the way he stays giving Michonne her flowers, you know he’s never going to forget that it was her fighting for him and their kids that allowed them to live out this beautiful life they have now.
As the camera pans out, the four stay in this embrace and it’s just such a bright and rewarding shot. Then they show the sky as helicopters are seen flying ahead, no longer with bombs but with resources. As people noted, Richonne would be the type to not just bring themselves back home but bring back whole helicopters with loads of valuable resources too. Baddest to ever do it. 👑
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Seeing the sky with those helicopters is a reminder that the world has gotten a lot bigger since those early TWD days. And after having everything but the kitchen sink thrown their way along their path, here Richonne stand, with their son and daughter, happy, healed, and whole because they’re the ones who live and the ones whose love lives on forever. 
And while this might be the end for us getting to follow their story, I again appreciate that Richonne's story closes with not just a happy ending but a happy beginning. The best years are ahead of them now that they get to all be together. And you know this gorgeous family uniting makes Carl beam from ear to ear up above. 😇
Oh and there’s also that deleted Grimes family picnic scene which is a canon moment to me. And I adore it. 🤩 I’d been hoping they’d return to doing those lovely family picnics so I was glad they filmed one. Also, it makes me so happy to remember that RJ is a part of both this current Family Fun Day picnic and the precious one from years before. 😊
In this unaired TOWL picnic scene, I love seeing Judith laughing and relishing Mom and Dad being back with them like she always believed they’d be. She grew up on these Family Fun Day picnics and now years later she gets to enjoy them again. 🥲
I love seeing intelligent little RJ holding the Rubik's cube and wearing the signature Grimes Sherrif's hat in between his mom and sister. And I especially love seeing RJ already seem so comfortable and smiley with Rick. (I love how they said the young actor Antony really gravitated to Andy. 🥹 This picnic clip definitely gave a glimpse of that)
I love seeing Michonne wearing that pretty and colorful dress and smiling so brightly with her family reunited. The flowy outfit choice is meaningful to me because, at the top of TOWL, she was given this guarded armor and similarly had to live with figurative guarded armor since Rick’s TWD departure. But now that she’s got her loving husband and kids back she gets to just fully take down all armor and be so free, open, safe, and loved as a woman, wife, and mother. 🙌🏽
And I love seeing Rick look so relaxed, playful, and elated to be here with his wife and kids. He looks like he's once again winning that Husband & Dad of the Year title. And the way he’s smiling and laughing basking in this moment, you can see he adores his family so much. This Grimes family moment is everything Rick and Michonne wanted for their lives. And this is everything I wanted for them too. 🥹
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In the actual TOWL ending, as they panned out from the Grimes family hug, it doesn’t feel like they're becoming distant from us but rather we’re seeing the full picture and letting the Grimes family love fill the entire space.
And as the Grimes family embraces and fills the screen with love, the music rises and the show fades to black, officially concluding The One’s Who Live. 👏🏽😭 BEAUTIFUL. 
That also concludes the TOWL season finale revelings and The Ones Who Live revelings as a whole. We made it! 🥳 What a series. What a journey. What a gift Richonne is. 🥹
You know I gotta happy dance one more time over Richonne, TOWL, and the epic love story we've been blessed to witness from 2012 when Michonne and Rick's paths first crossed to 2024 when their love story reached its highest heights, and concluded perfectly.
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If you had told me when I started documenting my Richonne observations back in 2017 that years later there would be a whole miniseries dedicated to Richonne’s epic love story, I would have been pleasantly surprised but I’d also believe you because Richonne is truly the gift that keeps on giving. 🎁
I adore how TOWL really came and checked so many of the Richonne wishlist boxes. Rick calling Michonne his wife ✓, the proposal and wedding ring ✓, the RJ reveal ✓, the improved lighting ✓, the scenes with impactful, unvague, and rich dialogue ✓, the intimacy ✓, the Grimes family reunion ✓, the Grimes family reunion with all the original actors ✓, and much more. They gave Richonne their things, honey. 👏🏽😌
And I especially love the way The Ones Who Live ultimately landed on a message of love being what comes to the rescue when the world falls apart. Love is what it's all about at the end of the day.
Along their years-long journey, the way Richonne fell in love was beautiful. And the way they stayed in love was just as beautiful. I’m so grateful to have witnessed Rick and Michonne Grimes' powerful journey from first locking eyes at a prison fence in season 3 to looking into each other's eyes with such adoration and appreciation as they agreed to have a child together in season 9. To now reuniting with that lovely child and their dear daughter in TOWL.
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Rick and Michonne have remained such captivating characters over the years, and so much of that has to do with the incredible artists that bring them to life.
Andy and Danai are generational talents with such compatible gifts - exceptional eye acting, line delivery, vulnerability, physicality, and raw honesty infused in their craft. And then you add to that playing compelling characters in love, allowing them to tap into their rare and extraordinary chemistry. You’re bound to get something special when pairing them together like this. 👏🏽
So I'm grateful to the whole TOWL cast & crew, and most of all the captains - Andy, Danai, and Scott. We really got to see Richonne through their eyes with TOWL. 🥹 And the way those three view Richonne and bring this love story to life is resplendent. I love that with The Ones Who Live they told the story they wanted to tell - and we Richonne fans were just happily in alignment with the vision. 😌
They’re the type who put thought into even something like Rick and Michonne's hand placement in bed at the end of TWD 6.10 because they care about how Richonne is portrayed in every frame. And I will forever appreciate their attention to detail with Richonne. All these RiR posts really are my way of saying that the thought and care put into crafting these exceptional characters and their exemplary love story don't go unnoticed.
Andy and Danai have given us so much as Rick and Michonne over the years so whether this is 'goodbye for good' or 'goodbye for now,' I respect it.
The iconic roles of Rick and Michonne were truly meant for them. Danai and Andy approached these characters with love, respect, thoughtfulness, and passion, and ensured Rick and Michonne were in good hands. So I just can't thank them enough. 🙏🏽🥹
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Also, a big thank you to the gifted Richonne GIF creators. 👏🏽🤩 You are invaluable staples to this fandom and your gifs of Richonne's TOWL & TWD moments are beautiful. Linking to your amazing gifs helped me elevate these posts and string this all together. My posts wouldn't be the same without you, so I'm very grateful to you. 🙏🏽
And sincerely thank you to everyone who took the time to read these posts and to everyone who commented, messaged, PM'd, reblogged, and followed. Your thoughtful insights, reactions, and support really have always made the days brighter both over the last two months and over all these years of reveling in Richonne.
Hearing your takes on Richonne helped me see things from an even fuller perspective. Hearing that these breakdowns were looked forward to and even uplifting to read during hard times really moved me and made me feel less alone since reflecting on Richonne has also helped me focus on the bright things in this world when life feels dark. I've loved hearing what you love about TOWL and about these RiR posts. Thank you for sharing with me. 🫶🏽 Your words of encouragement have meant a lot to this Words of Affirmation girl. 😊
There were times when I was working away at these posts and wondering if I'm certifiably crazy for writing whole 'dissertations' on every second of Richonne's love story. 😅 (i think the answer is yes lol). But the encouragement I'd receive over here was a big motivator to follow through, give every scene its flowers, and share these in-depth breakdowns with you all. So please know that you and your good kind heart are super appreciated. 🙏🏽 I hope you remain blessed in all ways and on all days. 💗
And to Future Me - hi 👋🏽 I wrote these TOWL novel-length breakdowns for the fandom and for you too. For those times when you’ll want to make your day a bit better by revisiting these posts and remembering all the thoughts and elation you had over Richonne - your favorite thing - shining the brightest it’s ever shined in a 6-episode epic love story. 🌟
Rick and Michonne Grimes and their captivating story are extremely dear to my heart and always will be. And this miniseries that gave them and their love the spotlight means so much. The Ones Who Live is a true treasure, and I’m so glad we’ll have it forever. 🥹🙌🏽
After hundreds of 'dissertations' and years of pursuing a Ph.D in Richonne (😋📚🎓), I just have to say that breaking down the beginning, middle, and end of this epic love story with this fun and insightful fandom has been such a joy. Has me feeling like...
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There will be people who come around to watching TWD/TOWL now or years later who weren’t keeping up with the show when it first aired. And some of those people are bound to get bit with the Richonne bug just like I did several years ago.
So my hope is that anyone, be it new Richonners or long-time Richonners, whoever wants to reminisce and revel and relive each and every moment of Rick and Michonne’s iconic, powerful, and stunning journey can always come back to these RiR breakdowns whenever, and feel like they’re 'read-watching' the show, and dissecting and celebrating whatever is beautiful about Richonne with a good friend. Because Richonne is timeless and a little reveling is good for the soul.
I hope these plenty of posts brought and continue to bring enjoyment, insight, laughs, light, and just the best warm feelings because in the words of my beloved Michonne - It did for me. 😌
Always and forever, thank you so much for reading & Long Live Richonne. 👑🧲🥰👌🏽
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ddolbyong · 1 day
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playlist. homesick - wave to earth, flower of life - the novembers, to us - apro(ft. wave to earth & wavy), plastic flowers - idlework, all i need to hear - the 1975
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MAY 22ND
hey yn, its haechan. i know this is stupid... uh i just... i really miss you. um... i don't know what to say... i don't even know why i called... oh! um i heard this song recently, uh homesick...? by wave to earth. i know how much you love this band and i have to admit your taste might even be better than mine haha. uh. you know... listening to this song reminded me of you. yn, i... i feel so lost without you by my side. i miss having you around. i miss your warmth, i miss your comfort... i just miss you. you're... you're my home and i'm homesick.
MAY 25TH
hi yn. its haechan. again. uh jaemin recommended this song to me recently... um its called... flowers? no uh... flower of life. by the novembers. i... i think. my memory hasn't been very good recently haha... sorry. uh the song is about the uncertainty and curiosity of the future, as well as... the um desire to live life to the fullest. you always used to tell me how you were unsure on where the future would take us. well um i... i just want you to know that whereever it takes us, i just want to be by your side. i want to live life to the fullest with you. i miss you.
MAY 29TH
hey, its haechan. um doyoung played this song yesterday... he uh said it reminded him of you. i guess... everyone misses you too huh. uh... um.. what was i talking about? oh! right. the song. i think its called.. to us by uh.. apro. wave to earth also features in it so you would definitely enjoy it heh... anyways, the song is about embracing life's challenges and finding contentment in the present! doyoung said it reminded him of you because you always knew just how to handle your problems and not let them affect your life. i totally agree with him. you always carried gratitude and appreciation for the present... it makes me admire you more than i already do.
JUNE 1ST
its haechan. i miss you. i heard plastic flowers by idlework yesterday. made me think of you. i uh.. i can't think of anyone else who can connect with me as well as you did. everything feels so empty without you. it hurts. i um... do you remember? when we uh just laid in silence, scrolling through our phones for the entire day. haha.. i...  i don't know if i can do that with anyone else without it feeling awkward. it only feels familiar with you.
JUNE 6TH
hey. its my birthday today. i've just been in my room listening to the 1975's all i need to hear. this was our favourite song, remember? um.. i... i miss you so much yn. i wish you were here, with me. telling me everything i need to hear.
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notes: this was inspired by @00127am 's mark voicemail fic!!! i also orginally wrote this for anton but i just miss haechan too much... i hope you enjoy and feedback, likes, reblogs n replies are appreciated!
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ikigaisvt · 1 year
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rewatched in the soop 2 and now i have the its song stuck in my head... also restarting in the soop 1 :D life is fun fun fun
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crazysodomite · 2 years
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it truly doesn’t matter if youre a good person or if you try to improve yourself... the only thing that matters is your social skill and social abilities
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thevirtualvalentine · 3 months
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His favorite things 2 do w u !
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ft: Atsumu Miya, Shōyō Hinata, Kozume Kenma, Ushijima Wakatoshi, & Kiyoomi Sakusa.
warning(s): tooth rotting domesticity, gn!reader + no pronouns used, nudity in kiyoomis (you shower together), nerd!shō (canon), autistic coded kags, established relationships. thrown in kenma bc I love nerds.
notes: hq has me in its cold slimy grip, sos. Divider by @dollywons !
Being a pro-athlete makes him oh so busy! He’s so grateful to have a honey at home who loves him.
ATSUMU MIYA … helping him redye his hair. Around every month and a half ‘Tsumu and you take on the task of making him a fake platinum blond. He can thank you for the correct mix of toners to rid him of that nauseating yellow hair.
While it may be about him, he’s watching you intently in the mirror. The way you take care of him and make him feel oh so handsome. He’s used to getting the job done himself, but he trusts you and wants you to be there for him in this small gesture.
During those 2 hours, the world is silent and it’s just you and him in your shared bathroom. You donning one of his old shirts and nothing else while you, “make him sparkle.” He really is a diamond in the ruff, in need of your polishing.
TOBIO KAGEYAMA… doing nail care together. While yes, it sounds peculiar, we all know how deeply Tobio cares about the state of his hands. They’re fundamental to his everyday life on and off the court. After watching him prep the night before a game by filing his nails, you asked him to let you help. “Here baby, let me,” you offered, taking his much larger palm in your own as you round out the shape.
It became a habit between you not long after, body doubling as you both take care of your hands or trading off doing each other's. It’s a simple thing really, but he can’t help the light smile that finds him in those moments. Tobio can’t explain in words why it makes him feel so loved.
But you know his true feelings as a quiet show functions as white noise in the background, his hand in yours prepping for yet another match. He appreciates the intimacy of silence together.
SHŌYŌ HINATA … watching One Piece together. Growing up, Shōyō didn’t have friends who engaged in his interests as deeply as he did. It took you 5 months into your relationship to realize he also liked the show because he was scared you might tease him.
It led to a deeper conversation about things you both liked and the two of you have been closer than ever. Engaging in each other’s hobbies even if you didn’t know what it was about.
Now, it’s a ritual you both do every Sunday when the new episode drops. It’s shared y/n & Shō time. A sacred pact of nerds that cannot be broken. He loves that you’ll share his love for life with him, even the nerdier things.
KOZUME KENMA … cooking dinner together. Even when he was playing volleyball in high school, Kozume did not care too deeply for his nutritional intake. Food was just food, a meal was another part of the day. Even with all the money he makes now, he's ultimately unfazed by high class food. Preferring those shitty frozen dinners he can make in the comfort of his apartment.
Then he met you on campus, and the day you cooked something for him he swore he would never eat anything again if it wasn’t made by you. Maybe that phrase, “made with love,” was true when it came to you.
Now he likes to help out, meal prepping here and there. He’s quite good at cutting up vegetables actually. He’ll watch or even stand behind you with his arms snaked around your waist at the stove observing.
WAKATOSHI USHIJIMA … work out. We all know volleyball is a big aspect of Ushi’s life. He’s constantly conditioning himself for the perfect physique. When he discovered that you had a similar passion for building and honing your body to its fullest capability, he was whipped.
He found it hard to be understood by others, but he really does just enjoy the simple things. Playing volleyball, working out, and coming home to you. It’s enjoyable to him to be able to do it with you and gives him greater motivation.
Every endurance run, you’re by his side and he certainly doesn’t mind altering his pace for you. It gets him a little worked up to see you sweating and out of breath though, but he’ll keep that to himself for now.
KIYOOMI SAKUSA … you guessed it, showering together. Because he grew up around sweaty boys playing volleyball all day, Kiyoomi knows not everyone is as concerned about their personal hygiene as he is. In a country full of Neanderthals, he wears the crown. But when he comes home from practice, there is only one thing he wants to do. Shower with you.
There’s something so intimate about you taking care of him in such a vulnerable space. He’s much bigger than you are, his broad shoulders from years of spiking looming over yours. Warm steam mixed with eucalyptus leaves fills his senses as you hum, scrubbing his body of any dirt from the outside world.
Your soft hands wash the tension from his body, your nails scrape against his scalp making him feel loved. He’ll never admit it but he says it’s because he likes to be clean, It’s truly because you’re the one cleaning him.
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criminalyun · 5 months
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cool for the summer | s.jaeyun
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pairing: sim jaeyun x fem!reader
summary: having a crush on your brothers best friend for four years was never easy — especially having to deal with not only the strict rule your brother put in place of not dating his friends, but also his best friend being a playboy. what happens when summer arrives and your brother, jay, returns to your families holiday home with not only a new friend, but also his best friend, jake sim, and this time, he’s different.
genre: brothers best friend au, slow burn, forbidden romance, fluff, angst, smut
warnings: minors dni, jake smokes, alcohol, second lead jungwon :(, slight cheating?? (they don’t kiss whilst in a relationship but there’s flirty behavior!!), jake is a bit of a dick icl, dry humping which will is kinda public??, making out, fighting, name calling
word count: 32k
taglist: @cloud-lyy @sussycheetos @eneiyri @jaeyunzlovr @crimnalseung @skzesty @jvjsssnaa @slut4hee @304files @peachyun02 @laurradoesloveu @soobieboobiedoobiedaboobie @niinjo @heelovesmeknot @kissestoenha @cha0thicpisces @run2min @parksunghoonsgf @moonnssun @nshmrarki @seokseokjinkim @kookify @minniejenseo @capri-cuntz @chaeyunloveeee @brachives @kimsunoops
published: may 6th 2024
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Growing up being Jay Park's younger sister was never easy. Having to put up with the constant teasing was something you despised at times when it wasn't funny, being ganged up on by Jay and his friends wasn't ideal, and having to deal with the numerous flings he'd bring home was annoying. You hated having to wear the boys hand-me downs, and absolutely hated having to watch his programs all night when he took over the tv.
Though, there were positives about being his younger sister. He was funny (at times), and you always knew you were well protected when in school. You enjoyed it when he'd allow you to join him in a video game and actually include you in things — and, you especially liked the fact his best friend was Jake Sim.
There was something about the brunette haired boy that made you feel drawn to him. You weren’t sure if it was because of his contagious, gummy smile, or because he would spoil you rotten, or if it was because you knew that he (specifically out of all of Jay's friends) was off limits to you ever having a relationship with.
Jake was well known around the area you lived. He would constantly be out partying during his high school days, and messing around with many girls — far too many to count. It even got to a point where his parents were becoming frustrated with their sons behavior, so the Sim boy started bringing his flings back to your home. He was also captain of the Football team which was practically a Venus Flytrap for the girls in his year.
And yet, despite the boy's reputation and behavior, you still found yourself wanting him like all the others girls did. You loved his sweet, innocent eyes and his plump lips — and definitely his dark, brown locks of thick hair. You also loved that despite his playboy tendencies, he was always kind and respectful to you because after all, you were his best friends baby sister. He saw you like a sister of his own and you hated that.
The old you, at least.
After both Jake and Jay left for Australia in January, neither of the boys had returned to Korea on their breaks due to hectic schedules — which was perfect for you, because that gave you more time to get over the Sim boy and work on yourself.
As the months went by, and you began to relish life to its fullest, you started to forget about Jake Sim. He went from being in your mind as soon as you woke up in the morning, to only sprouting up whenever the words 'playboy', or 'Jay's best friend' was brought up.
Besides Jake, you started focusing more on yourself — though, you did take the advice Jake once gave on maintaining your good grades because now that you were in your final year of high school, you were thriving. Even with you being at the top of your class, you were no longer seen as the 'nerd' because according to your classmates, you had the visuals to make up for the name.
You’d grown into your looks a lot, and thanks to the numerous videos you’d stay up late to would watch about skin care on YouTube, your skin began looking fresh and healthy — and almost pimple free.
You started wearing makeup after a immature boy in your class made fun of your acne, and from then on, it became a daily task to apply more and more. Your techniques had improved tons as time went on and you’d gotten use to wearing it every day for school (which you did hate putting on so early in the morning).
So now, as you packed away your paintbrushes into the flimsy case at your art club, you had a wide smile on your pink, glossy lips whilst listening to something your best friend, Niki, had shared.
Ever since joining the art club in February of that year and meeting Nishimura Riki — or Niki as he likes to go by — you two instantly became close despite the small age gap you shared. You had many things in common and had almost the exact same humor. You bounced off of each other.
"I can't wait to meet your brother tomorrow." Niki announced, washing the paintbrushes in the paint covered sink as you had moved to stand beside him so that you could dry the brushes off.
Immediately, a smile tugged at the corner of your lips at the thought of your older brother. You hadn't seen him since January — and it was now August. That was the longest time the Park siblings had ever gone without seeing each other, and despite you both constantly bickering and teasing one another, you still missed Jay.
The Park family were going on your annual holiday to your holiday home in Jeju Island. It was something you did every year since you’d turned three. You went so often, that you even had a few close friends over their.
You were excited this year more than ever, because you were going to see your brother again, however, you knew Jake would be joining, and just the thought of him made your heart beat nervously against your chest.
Though, after begging your mother and father to allow you to also bring a friend, they eventually gave in, and without a doubt you’d asked Niki to join you on the getaway trip.
"And I can't wait to meet Mr. Jake Sim." Niki teased, wiggling his eyebrows and he wriggled his body and nudged his best friend, causing your eyes to widen slightly at the said boys name.
You had almost forgotten about him...
"Don't even, Niki," You chuckled out a warning, rolling your eyes as you put away the now clean objects. "I definitely hyped him up too much when we first met — now, he's just ew." You scrunched your face up in disgust, though, what you were feeling inside wasn't matching up right with what you were saying.
You felt guilty — like Jake was in the same room as you and heard you, hurting his feelings. You knew deep down you’d lied to Niki. Jake Sim wasn't 'ew', he was far from it.
"Now, I know you're lying." Niki shook his head disappointedly as he wiped his hands on the towel. "You know you do this thing with your eyebrows, you twitch —"
"Oh, shut up, Niki." You jokingly hit the boy with the damp cloth, making him laugh as you walked away to collect your things. "I'm not lying — Jake isn't as perfect as I once thought he was. He's a player and doesn't know how to treat girls right."
You were shocked at the words that were leaving your mouth. Never in your four years of knowing Jake Sim did you think you would be speaking about him the way you were — but here you were, removing your apron, ranting to your best friend about him.
"Good—" Niki nodded, a smile of proudness on his lips as he too, removed his apron. "You're too good for boys like him." He shrugged and you couldn't help but smile at his words. You would always love and appreciate his words of affirmation.
"So that's why, when we go to Jeju, you're going to find a Summer fling." He grinned mischievously, instantly making you scoff and knock your shoulder into him as you rolled your eyes again.
"No, thank you." You shook her head. "I'm done with boys for now. I'm going to wait for after high school — then I can get a man." You chuckled and so did Niki.
"Whatever you say, y/n." Niki said, a breathy laugh falling from his lips as they exited the art club and out into the Sunmer evening, both equally excited for the next few weeks to come.
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The hot summer air blew through the open window and down onto you, blowing your hair uncontrollably as you flicked through the book you were currently reading.
You released an exasperated sigh and rested your head back against the head rest, turning your head away from your book and out to the open window that showed the blue ocean. You had landed in Jeju Island not long ago, and now you were on your way to the holiday home.
It was supposed to be an exciting journey, with you on the edge of your seat, wishing you could just teleport to the home instead of waiting out the rather long car ride, however this time round, it was completely the opposite.
You thought that you were excited for the holiday considering you’d be able to see your brother and have your best friend with you, but that wasn't the case. You could feel a pit of anxiety in the bottom of your stomach, making you feel sick as the thought of Jake Sim continued to appear in your head.
You didn't want to think of him — you really didn't, but just the thought of seeing him again after eight months made your heart pound against your chest. Had he changed much? Did he still play with girls' hearts? Was he still as hot as ever? The questions were nonstop, and making your head begin to ache.
Eventually, you let out a groan, growing fed up of picturing the boys face, and so you shut your book before glancing over at the Nishimura boy, who was fast asleep with his mouth slightly parted and his AirPods in his ears. You couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of him and let out a sigh, before leaning your head on his shoulder.
Sleep would be the best option to get through the duration of the long, Jake-filled, car ride.
After a little while, your eyes opened as soon as you felt the car come to a permanent stop, and instantly, you sat up, rubbing your eyes as you heard Niki tiredly sigh and your parents gasps of excitement.
Quickly, once the sleep had evacuated both of the teenagers' bodies, you hurriedly left the car, the heat hitting you immediately, however that was the least of your worries as your eyes landed on your older brother, Jay Park.
You grinned wildly as you watched him reunite with your parents. From what you could see, he hadn't changed much. Other than his hair — which was now an unnatural silver shade, instead of his natural brunette colour, though it still managed to suit him as it complimented his features.
"Is that y/n Park?" You heard Jay tease once he pulled away from the hug he was in with his father and turned to look at you and your new appearance. "My baby sister?"
A laugh fell from your lips as you broke out into a slight jog towards him, and quickly you engulfed one another into a hug. Never in your lives did you imagine yourselves ever hugging, yet here you were in the middle of Jeju, happy to see one another again.
"Nice to see you again, y/n." He smiled as you pulled away, and you bobbed your head in agreement, before your eyes landed on the unknown boy beside Jay. He had black hair, and despite being under the suns gaze, his skin was as white as snow, and his face was also decorated with a few small moles. His lips were plump and his nose was straight and looked as perfect as ever.
"Y/n, this is Sunghoon, a friend we met at College." Jay introduced, and Sunghoon sent you a small smile, to which you quickly mirrored.
You parted your lips to welcome the taller boy more, but before that could happen, you felt your breathing hitch as soon as you heard a familiar laugh.
His laugh.
Jake Sim’s laugh.
You gulped nervously, and glanced over to the front door of the holiday home, where Jake was leaving from. His hair was now black instead of brown, and he looked older, like he'd grown out of his baby face phase, and he looked far more mature... and way more attractive.
Your heartbeat pounded ferociously against your chest as you watched him walk down the porch steps, gracefully — however, the trance you were once in was soon broken as your eyes landed on the girl walking beside him, laughing along with him.
She was beautiful — very beautiful. She was slim and tall, and her skin was sunkissed. Her eyes were sharp and hazel and shined against the sun. Her lips were plump and a similar shape to a heart and her nose was button like and had a perfect slope. Her face was dotted with many freckles and her makeup was done neatly and perfectly. The girls hair was long and blonde and straight with a slight kink in it. She truly was flawless.
"Y/n?" Jake called out, a grin on his lips as soon as his eyes landed on you and as you looked away from the blonde girl beside him and at him, you couldn't help but notice the glint of surprise in his brown orbs.
You sent him a small smile as watched him open his arms for hug. For a moment, you contemplated whether you should hug him or not. You wanted to, but you knew that if you did, you would only start to fall again.
"It's good to see you, Jake." You stated and turned your attention to the blonde girl, ignoring the hint of confusion that appeared on his perfect face. Usually, you wouldn't hesitate to wrap your arms around him and squeeze him tightly… so why didn't you do that this time? Whatever the reason was, all the Sim boy knew was that he didn't like it.
"Who's this?" You politely wondered, breaking Jake's train of thought as he then wrapped an arm around the girl. "This is Niah, she's my girlfriend."
Ouch.
You had no idea why that sentence had such an effect on you. You was sure you were over him, so why did your heart ache so much?
"It's so nice to finally meet you," Niah grinned, leaning into Jake. Even her teeth were perfect. "I've heard so much about you."
You returned the smile, though it felt forced as you kept your eyes focused on Niah, refusing the look at Jake. "All good things, I hope." You chuckled and so did the blonde girl.
"Of course," Niah shook her head, giggles escaping her mouth. "Jake says you're like a little sister, so I'm more than excited to get to know you. I'm sure we'll be the bestest of friends."
Ouch.
You could feel your heart breaking the longer the conversation went on. You knew that that was how Jake always saw you, and you’d moved on from him, so why were you so bothered? It annoyed you that you were effected by whole situation, and you felt yourself become angry with yourself.
It was going to be a long summer...
Later on that evening, after getting settled into the home, the delicious smell of yours and Jay's mothers cooking was making its way through the house, causing everyone's stomachs to growl with hunger.
The sun was beginning to set by the time everybody was called to dinner, and once they all had their plates filled to the brim, they sat around the family table, eating.
"We're thinking on going on a late night swim," Jay announced, glancing over at you as you sat beside Niki — who was easily getting along well with your brother and his friends. "You should come — Niki too."
A smile appeared on your lips at the thought of swimming in the sea late at night. It would be just like old times and you couldn't help but feel a wave of nostalgia hit you as you quickly nodded you head in agreement.
"So, Jake, Niah," Jihye (the siblings' mother) began as she took a sip from her glass of red wine with a wide beam on her red painted lips. "Tell us the love story." She chuckled, and instantly, you felt your body tense up and you looked up from your plate of food and over at Jake, who had already been looking at you.
You were quick to feel your cheeks heat up, and without another thought, you looked away, far too flustered to remain eye contact — a smirk growing on Niki's lips as he noticed his best friends state.
"Well," Niah started, setting her fork down and glancing beside her at the Sim boy, a warm, loving smile appearing on her lips. "I had joined the college a few days later due to my flight from the States being delayed —"
"You're Korean is good." The siblings' father mustered, far too busy eating his food rather than engaging in the conversation.
Niah sent the older man a smile of gratefulness, before she quickly continued with her story.
"And when I arrived at the school, I got lost." She chuckled, pouting her lip playfully, causing everyone (other than you and Niki) to let out quiet laughs. "Jake noticed and helped me outside. Turns out we were both majoring in Physics, so we walked to class together and he ended up asking for my number." Niah shrugged, an expression of happiness swarming her features.
You let out an almost silent sigh as you glanced over at Jake, who was busy admiring Niah with a small smirk on his plump lips. Oh, how you wished to be admired by him —
You quickly cut yourself from your thoughts as you snapped your head down to your plate, your heart beating at a fast pace and your eyes widening slightly. There was no way... This couldn't be happening... Not after months of working on yourself and getting over him...
Without another word, you abruptly stood from your chair, the wooden legs of the seat scraping across the wooden floor.
Everybody stopped what they were doing and looked up at you with concern and confusion on their faces.
"Y/n? What's wrong?" Your mother wondered, and you couldn't help but have your eyes land on Jake. It was like he was a magnet and you hated that. You didn't want to look at him all the time. You didn't want to like him. He was your brothers best friend. He was Niah's girlfriend. He was off limits and you hated that.
"I just feel a bit sick," you lied, holding an arm across your stomach to make your lie more believable. "I'm going to lay down for a bit." You then announced and picked up your plate, washing it in the sink and then hurrying up to your room with a feeling of guilt in your chest.
Later on that evening, when the sun had officially set, you were laying on her bed, listening to the music that played in your AirPods. You hadn't been downstairs since dinner and you didn't plan on going downstairs for the continuation of the night.
As you felt your eyes begin to shut, exhaustion from not only the plane and car ride, but also the sun beginning to take over your body. That was all you wanted to do: sleep and forget about today and forget about your feelings for Jake.
However, that wasn't possible, because just as you shut your eyes, a knock at your bedroom door was heard, causing you to sigh slightly and sit up, removing one of your earphones. "Come in." You called out, watching at the door opened.
"Are you coming out for the swim?" Niki asked. He was clad in his swimming trunks and a towel was thrown over his bare shoulder. You couldn't help but laugh at the sight of him and you laid back on her bed, relaxing now that you knew Niki was the one knocking on you door.
"Who are you trying to impress?" You joked, looking him up and down. "Remember, Niah has a boyfriend." You sang, chuckling at yourself, and a mischievous grin appeared on Niki's lips.
"Remember, Jake has a girlfriend." He bounced back, instantly shutting you up making you snap your head over in his direction, glaring your eyes at him, before you both burst out laughing.
"You noticed?" You questioned, sitting back up as Niki sat at the foot of your bed, nodding his head.
"Of course — you were practically drooling over him at the table." He flared his eyes, and you quickly picked up the pillow that was beside you and hit the younger boy with it.
"Shut your mouth, I was not."
"Yes, you were." Niki nodded, standing up so that he could escape your abuse.
"Whatever," You rolled her eyes, sitting back on the bed. "Go have your swim." You nodded your head towards the door, and Niki huffed.
"You're not coming?" He asked and you shook her head.
"I feel sick, remember?"
"Bullshit." He chuckled, before sticking his tongue out at you and excitedly left your room after hearing Jay call out for him.
A sigh of relief fell from your lips as you laid down, finally happy to be able to give in to your tiredness.
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That same night, you’d woke up from your slumber in a pool of your own sweat. It was an uncomfortable feeling, really and you couldn't help but feel grossed out by it, and so you ripped the thin sheet from your body and stepped out of bed.
The house was silent, indicating that everyone was asleep, and the only thing that could be heard was the floor boards creaking as you walked down the corridor and made your way downstairs.
You got herself a glass of cold water and quickly gulped it down, in a hurry to get changed and then get back into bed, though just as you placed your glass in the sink, your eyes caught sight of the front door slightly ajar.
Immediately, you furrowed your brows in confusion, and couldn't help but feel a slight sense of panic sprout in your chest as you slowly approached the open door. Had someone broken in? Or had someone forgotten to close the door after coming back from the swim?
As you got closer to the door, your nose was soon filled with the smell on cigar smoke, quickly making you even more confused than you already were. And so, without another thought, you opened the door entirely, and your eyes slightly enlarged at the sight before you.
It was Jake sat on the top step of the porch stairs. He was clad in a white, long sleeved t-shirt, though he had the sleeves rolled up to above his elbows, and he wore a pair of denim jeans. His hair was damp, and messily sitting on his forehead, though that (surprisingly) wasn't the cause for your widened eyes — no, it was the cigarette he held between his fingers as he looked out at the ocean in front of the house.
For a moment, you didn't know what to do. You didn't know whether to leave him be, or to strike a conversation (the latter being something the old you would've done).
"Why aren't you sleeping, y/n?" His voice asked, instantly breaking you from your thoughts and causing your cheeks to heat up with embarrassment at the realization of being caught.
Gulping, you took a step forward and hesitantly sat on the steps with him, though you made sure to leave quite a large gap between you both, bringing your legs to your chest as you turned your head to look at him. "Why are you smoking?"
A smirk formed on Jake's lips as he then brought the cigarette up to his mouth and blew out a string of smoke in the opposite direction to where you were sat.
"Why not?" He shrugged.
"It's bad for you, Jake." You warned, disappointed at his actions. The old Jake wouldn't of done something like this, so why had his ways changed? "What about Football?" You questioned and the boy let out a long sigh, leaning back on his arm.
"I can still play, y/n, don't you worry." He chuckled, and you rolled your eyes at him.
"Did you have fun at the beach?" You wondered, moving on from the previous topic. You watched as Jake bowed his head slightly, biting his lip before turning to look at you.
"Yeah," He shrugged again. "I guess. It would've been better if you were there." The boy huffed out, taking another drag.
Immediately, you felt your heart explode and it felt as if a swarm of butterflies were flying around in your stomach, tickling your insides, and you felt your cheeks heat with fluster.
You hated when Jake would say things like this. He was always aware of the effect he had on you, and he liked to say things that would drive you into a frenzy which you hated. You knew he was playing around with you — the old you. Not now, you wouldn't let him get to you, and so, you took a deep breath and turned to look at him once again.
"Glad you had fun." You sighed, completely ignoring the statement before and stood up, about to head back inside though the boy stopped you as he spoke once again.
"You look pretty, by the way." He complimented, and your breathing hitched and you shut her eyes for a moment, the boys words doing things to you that you couldn't explain. There was no teasing tone to his voice. Had he really meant that?
Gathering yourself, you nodded. "Whatever, Jake." You spoke just above a whisper.
"I mean it, y/n." He looked behind him, looking up at you, who now halted your movements, your hand resting on the handle of the door. "You look beautiful."
You instantly squinted your eyes shut as you tried to compose yourself. Why was he doing this? Why now?
"Goodnight, Jake." You ignored him again before entering the home and heading back upstairs, your body far more sweatier than before.
The next morning, your parents had gone out to go and say hello and catch up with the neighbors, whilst everyone else had decided to head down to the beach for the day.
You were wearing a black bikini, with a pair of denim shorts covering your lower half. You had your towel in your hand and your book and headphones in the other as you walked through the sand beside Niah, behind everyone else who had hurried off, dumping their towels on the floor and rushing into the sea.
You both set up your space under one of the many community parasols, and once they were happy with it, they sat down; you opening up your book to the page you last left it on, whilst Niah watched the boys splashing around in the water.
"You're so lucky." Niah sighed, looking over at you, making you slowly detach your eyes from the words on your page and placed them on Niah. "You have two great brothers and Niki." She softly chuckled, and you cocked a brow.
"Two brothers?" You questioned, confused, as you were more than sure that your parents only gave birth to you and Jay.
"Jake — you guys are like siblings, right?" Niah asked, looking up at you, whose lips were now slightly parted as you nodded your head slowly.
"Right." You bluntly answered, ignoring the pang of annoyance in your chest. There was no way you viewed Jake as a brother, and there was no way you ever would.
Silence took over, and quickly, you both got back to doing your own thing. Jake, Jay, Niki, and Sunghoon had now left the Sea and decided to join in with another group that were playing Football on the sand, and you couldn't help but watch them, thinking back to the times you’d watch Jay and Jake's Football games when they were in High School.
As time continued, you soon got bored of watching and directed your attention back to your book — however, that was a bad idea, as you became unbeknownst to the ball that was now flying your way, aiming for your face, when suddenly, a Football hit you harshly across the face.
You sat with your mouth slightly agape and your hand on the right side of your face, far too stunned to speak — the only sound surrounding you being the gasps of the people on the beach.
The ball was kicked at a savage force, making the side of your face burn bright red and feel sore. You felt embarrassed as everyone watched you. You didn't know what to do. Should you just act like nothing happened? Get up and leave?
Before you could come to a decision, you were approached by one of the boys that were playing football.
"I'm so sorry." He spoke, his voice not very deep for a boy.
You looked up at him, raising your other hand to cover your eyes so that you were able to get a better look at the boy. He had brown hair that had a few waves mixed within the thickness of it, and it looked as if it was in need of a cut due to the few strands that hung over his doe, cat-like eyes. His lips were in between the size of small and big, his Cupids bow being deeply defined. Though, despite his fierce eyes and pretty lips, what stood out most to you was the dimples that dented his cheeks.
"It's okay." You awkwardly shook your head, your lips forming a tight line as you slowly looked away and at your legs, far too embarrassed to look him in the eye.
"No, really," The boy continued, kneeling down so that his face could become level with yours. "I'm sorry, it looked like it hurt." He nodded his head to your sore face. A small, awkward smile tugged at the corner of your lips as a quiet chuckle fell from your lips.
He seemed sweet.
"It's fine, I'm okay." You reassured the boy, who sighed and nodded slightly.
"Hey," The boy nervously began, standing up and rubbing the non-existent dirt from his shorts. "You should come to my friends party tonight — said he wants to make it one of his biggest." He shrugged and you couldn't help but chuckle as his awkwardness.
Going to a party was something you would never choose to go to. You were always the kind to stay in your bedroom, revising, reading or listening to music. The night life never appealed to you, and whenever your brother would go out to parties with his friends in high school, you could never understand the entertainment about it. However, the revamped you knew you had to get out more and socialize — even if you didn't really want to.
So, after thinking over the boys proposal, you slowly nodded your head, a small smile tugging at your lips.
"Great!" He happily spoke, his body visibly relaxing now that your answer was out in the open. "Uhm, you know where Lee Heeseung lives, right?"
"Yeah." You bobbed your head. Lee Heeseung was a boy around your brothers age. He was well known within the neighborhood of holiday homes for not only his handsome looks and kind personality, but also his night changing parties.
"Cool, the party starts at 8, so come anytime after that." The boy before you shrugged, nodding his head, awkwardly glancing over at Niah, who held in a giggle, excitement filling her bones at the situation you were in.
"Great, see you then..." you trailed off, soon realizing she didn't know the boys name.
"Jungwon — and you're y/n, right?" Jungwon announced, and you couldn't help but smile as you nodded your head.
"Okay, see you at 8, y/n." Jungwon waved, before he rejoined his game of Football after retrieving the football.
A blush formed on your cheeks as you bowed your head, your stomach fluttering around filled with butterflies.
"He just asked you out!" Niah exclaimed, a wide smile on her face as you immediately shook your head, denying the girls statement.
"No, he only asked me to go to a party, that's all." You shrugged, and Niah scoffed, rolling her eyes.
"Well, he didn't ask me." She deadpanned, a smirk on her lips as she leaned over and playfully nudged you. You were excited for the party later, and you were happy that not once did Jake Sim appear in your head…
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"But why can't we go?" Jay questioned, a whine lacing his voice as he sat at the dining room table, an annoyed look on his face as he watched as you put your silver heels on.
"Shut up, Jay." Niah huffed, slapping the boys shoulder. "This is y/n’s night, she's met a boy."
"Yeah, a boy she's known for less then five minutes." Jake stated, folding his arms across his chest. He wasn't too happy about the whole idea. It was weird in his opinion. How could anyone be pleased about that idea? "And it's barely even a date. It's Lee Heeseung's party." He scoffed out.
"Don't be jealous, Jake," you grinned, grabbing your bag and making your way over to the front door. "Just because you don't get asked to go to parties —"
"I have been asked to parties, I've just chosen to decline their offer." Jake stated, feeling odd about the way you were behaving. Usually, as soon as he would disapprove of something, you went with what he said... so why wasn't that the case this time?
"Whatever." You shook your head. "I'll see you guys later."
"Phone us if anything happens!" You heard Niki yell after you once you were down the porch steps.
You could feel your heart pound nervously against your chest. You were filled with nerves and you had thoughts on backing out. You’d never been to a party before — let alone on your own, so this would be a new experience.
Once you arrived at the party, you couldn't help but feel a wave of anxiety consume you. The loud, blaring music bounced from one holiday home to the next, and the street was pact with parked cars. There were many people standing around outside Heeseung's home, and there were plenty of plastic cups and burnt out cigarettes scattered on the dried out grass.
It was your first time going to a party alone, and so far, by first glance, you were beginning to regret your decision.
That was, however, until your eyes landed on Jungwon, who was walking down the porch steps and over to you with a red, plastic cup in his clutch. He was clad in a pair of black, denim jeans, a white, loose fitted t-shirt, and a black bomber jacket and converse. He looked good, and you couldn't help but look him up and down for a while.
"You came!" Jungwon grinned widely, his dimples becoming as prominent as ever. You smiled back at the boy, quickly feeling more at ease within his presence.
"Of course," You spoke, glancing around at the tipsy people before looking back at the Yang boy. "Wouldn't miss it for the world.” You jokingly chuckled and Jungwon couldn't help but laugh also.
"Come on," He nodded his head towards the front door of the house as he began to walk towards it, you hot on his tail. "I'll introduce you to my friends."
You nodded, and as soon as you entered the home, you were instantly hit with a clash of scents. Many different perfumes mixed with sweat was assorted within the air, along with a strong scent of booze and weed. It wasn't exactly pleasant, and you found yourself grimacing as the smells hit your nose all at once.
"You look really good, by the way." Jungwon turned back to compliment. His voice loud, making you smell the traces of alcohol in his breath, as he had to shout due to the music that was even louder inside.
Immediately, a shade of crimson took over your makeup covered cheeks, and you couldn't help but feel flustered at his compliment. It was random, however you found yourself liking it.
"Thanks — so do you." You returned, and Jungwon smiled back, latching his hand onto yours as you made your way past plenty of moist bodies and eventually made it to his friends.
There were four boys all stood around; some were leaning against the wall, others were stood in front of them with cups in their hands.
"Hey guys," Jungwon called out once the two approached them, the boy placing his hand on one of his friends shoulder. "This is y/n Park —"
"Jay's sister, right?" Lee Heeseung questioned, turning his body to take a better look at you. His eyes trailed your body up and down with a raised brow, a look of intrigue shining through his features.
"Yeah, and you're Heeseung?" You wondered. You knew exactly who he was, you just didn't want to be awkward and nod your head, leaving the conversation at that.
"Sure am," He chuckled. "You've grown up so much." He commented, glancing over at Jungwon and then back at you. "You're not the old, nerdy, y/n anymore." Heeseung jokingly spoke.
Quickly, you felt yourself begin to worry. Sure, you may not look 'nerdy' any more, but that wasn't to say your grades weren't straight A's and your attendance wasn’t a perfect 99.9%, because it was and what if Jungwon didn't like that?
"Nope, not any longer." You awkwardly laughed.
"Right, well, this is Jisung," Jungwon continued, pointing to the fox-like boy who was leaning against the wall. Jisung sent you a smile, instantly making you feel welcome which you very much appreciated.
"This is Johan, and that's Chris." Jungwon introduced the two other boys, who both mirrored Jisung's actions.
"Hey, y/n," Heeseung began. "Is Jake in town this summer?" He wondered after taking a swig of his drink. "I haven't seen him in so long. We need to catch up." He smirked a mischievous grin, which made you furrow your brows slightly in confusion before nodding.
"Cool, well me and y/n are going to get a drink," Jungwon spoke out, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. "We'll catch you guys later." He announced and they all nodded in agreement, before the two weaved their way through people to get to the kitchen.
"What would you like?" Jungwon wondered, picking up a cup and then looking through the many bottles of alcohol that were set out on the kitchen counter for people to grab and fill their cups with.
"Oh," you began. You hadn't drank before, so this was a whole new experience for you. You didn't know which one you would like or which one you would hate, and you really didn't want to embarrass yourself in front of Jungwon.
"I'll have whatever you're having." You told him, to which he smirked slightly and nodded, picking up the bottle of Vodka and he mixed it with a very small amount of Sprite.
As soon as the liquid travelled down your throat, you found yourself squinting your eyes shut and pulling the cup away from your lips in disgust. It tasted as if you had just downed a whole bottle of hand sanitizer. The drink burned your throat and you coughed from it.
It truly was horrendously bad...
As time went on and minutes turned to hours, the clock struck two a.m, and by now, you were a sweaty mess.
For some reason, you found yourself craving more of the alcohol Heeseung had out, and after you finished your first cup, you finished another eight.
Your body felt light, and as if it was spinning on a spinning chair constantly, and your eyesight wasn't the clearest — along with your words. You were speaking freely to people you wouldn't choose to speak to if you were sober. You felt as if all of your problems had faded away and it was only you and the music existing.
That was until Jungwon pulled you out of the house and into the fresh air. The humid, night air immediately hitting you, causing a sense of relief to consume your body. You leaned against him him as he helped you down the steps, random giggles escaping your lips as your nose filled with the scent of Jungwon's long lasting cologne.
"You're very good looking, Jungwon." You announced, glancing up at him. Your eyes were doe like and glossed over. Your cheeks were pinker than ever before, and the slight glow of sweat remained on your skin. "You know, you're special because I don't find many men attractive."
The Yang boy glanced down at you, chuckles coming from him as he thanked you once they got to the bottom of Heeseung's front garden. "You should call someone to come pick you up — I'm crashing here for the night." He explained and you slowly nodded your head as his words entered one ear and exited the other.
"Y/n, come on." Jungwon laughed, and you pouted as you brought of your phone and clicked on your contacts. Your vision wasn't the best, and so as you typed in the letters 'JA' and two contacts appeared, you pressed on your brothers name and held the phone up to your ear.
"Y/n?"
"Can you pick me up from Heeseung's house?" You slurred out, stumbling slightly, making Jungwon grab hold of you.
"Yeah, of course, I'll be there in a minute."
Tiredly, a yawn passed your lips as you sat yourself down on the curb, patiently waiting to be picked up. "Thank you for tonight." You smiled up at Jungwon, who nodded, smiling back.
"No need to thank me," He shrugged. "I enjoyed it."
Eventually, the person who came to pick you up arrived, and as soon as your eyes landed on them, they widened in shock.
Jake?
Had you accidentally phoned Jake Sim?
Your jaw was held open slightly as Jake Sim approached you and Jungwon. Had you really phoned him instead of Jay?
The boy was wearing a pair of dark lounge shorts and a long sleeved, yellow and black striped polo shirt that had a light blue collar. He looked tired which was no surprise considering it was way past two a.m, and his hair was a little bit tousled.
You still managed to find him the most attractive boy ever, and you quickly shook yourself out of your trance and turned to Jungwon, bidding your goodbye before following after Jake.
You were both consumed by silence. Jake had his hands shoved in his shorts pockets and you stumbled beside him, causing him to chuckle softly before removing his hand from the comfort of his pocket and to hold onto your arm to keep you stable.
You were far too out of it to realize that you were walking the complete opposite way to the holiday home, and instead going to the twenty-four hour convenience store and it wasn't until your eyes landed on the lit up shop that a glimpse of confusion took over your features and you turned your head to look up at him.
"What..." You began, gulping to try and gather you words. "Why are we here?" You slurred out and a long sigh fell from Jake's lips as he lead you over to the empty bench outside the store.
"You need to sober up," He tells you once you’re sat on the bench. "You can't go back in this state." Jake explained and you only nodded your head, not asking any questions. "Now stay here, okay. Don't wonder off." He ordered, and you sat up, giggles leaving your lips.
"Okay, Jakey..." you grinned, your face close to Jake's as your eyes met. You were so close that you could practically see every detail on each others faces, and Jake could smell the strong scent of alcohol leaving your mouth. The older boys eyes trailed down to your plump, reddened lips and he subconsciously found himself biting his own down on his own.
Before anything could happen — not that Jake would do anything due to you being highly intoxicated and him having a girlfriend, of course — a stray cat brushed across Jake's leg, making him jump back slightly in shock.
Your eyes widened at the sight of the cat and you immediately bent down in your sitting position to smooth the cat as the Sim boy went inside the store.
You had always been a dog person growing up and never really liked cats at all, but you were far too drunk to even care about your preferences and feelings towards the animal.
Easily getting distracted, your eyes landed on the flowers that were scattered across the outside walls of the shop and the kids tattoo machine that you would once waste tons of money on when you were younger. Your eyes also fell on the gumball machine that was beside the tattoos and despite your queazy mindset, you felt your breathing hitch at the memory that came with the machine.
The memory that made you realize just how much you liked Jake Sim.
An excited beam was plastered on your fourteen year old self’s lips as you impatiently waited in line to use the gumball machine with your friends.
Your older brother and his friends were currently occupying the machine, taking their time because they made it their mission to get a piece of bubblegum in every colour.
"Jay," You whined, sticking out your bottom lip to pout in annoyance. "Hurry up, you're taking forever!"
"Shut up, y/n," Jay yelled back, turning the knob on the machine. "You're so annoying." He huffed and you instantly rolled your eyes and folded your arms across your chest.
"You're so annoying!" You returned the insult childishly, shoving your brother out of the way so that you could finally have your go. Your smile grew and your eyes enlarged as you quickly brought of the only coin you had from your denim shorts pocket and eagerly slotted it into the coin slot and turned the handle.
Your fists clenched as you impatiently waited for the bubblegum to roll along its spiraling pathway, before it eventually reached the opening. Without another thought, you reached out the grab it, and as soon as it was in your hand, it was immediately knocked out.
Your eyes widened in shock and a gasp left your mouth as you watched as it rolled into a drain.
Anger filled your veins as you turned to look at Jay who had shoved you back. "What the hell, Jay?!" You furiously yelled. "That was my only coin!"
"Oh," Jay pouted, faking his look of regret and sadness. "Too bad." He broke out into a grin and shrugged, before turning and picking up his bike that was laying on the floor; his friends following after him besides one — Jake Sim.
"Here." Jake smiled, holding his hand out that currently had a blue gumball in. As soon as your eyes landed on it, they widened and you couldn't help but feel your cheeks heat red at his kind action.
"Uh..." She awkwardly began. "Are you sure? I can just get another one next week." You spoke, and Jake simply shook his head, shaking his hand as a way of telling you to take it from him.
"Have it, you didn't deserve that — Jay was just being an ass." He chuckled at the thought of his best friend, and you slowly nodded and hesitantly reached out and took the gum from him.
"See ya, y/n!" Jake waved, quickly climbing on his bike and catching up with his friends, leaving fourteen year old you with a fluttering heart. He was the first boy to ever show kindness to you. He was the first boy you ever had a crush on.
When Jake finally returned to you, breaking you from your daze, he had his hands filled with a water bottle and two ice lollies. Your eyes instantly widened at the sight of your favorite ice lolly in his clutch and a beam spread across your cheeks as you reached out for it.
"Nu-uh." Jake shook his head, pulling his hand away from you and holding out the bottle of water he'd bought for you. "You can have the ice lolly once you've finished this." He told you and shoved the bottle into your hands, making you scoff.
"But it'll melt." You pointed out and Jake shrugged.
"You better hurry then."
Once you had finished the iced bottle of water, you were now peacefully enjoying your mixed berry ice lolly, whilst Jake enjoyed his weird (Mom Is Alien) flavored ice cream.
You could feel your heart pounding against your chest as you felt yourself begin to slowly sober up and realize just how close you and Jake were sat. The side of your thigh was touching the side of his, and as you both leaned against the back rest of the bench, your arms constantly brushed against one another.
"I'm sorry for phoning you." You announced, breaking the comfortable silence you were sat in.
A breathy chuckle passed through Jake's swollen lips (swollen due to the coldness of the ice lolly) "I was already awake." He revealed, and your eyebrow raised.
"You were?"
The boy nodded his head and turned to look down at you; your eyes instantly meeting and you could feel your breathing hitch as you couldn't help but wonder if he ever felt the same way you did — even if it was just slightly.
"I was worried for you." He simply shrugged, a small smile appearing on his mouth. "It was my baby sisters first time going out to a party alone." He teased, nudging you playfully as you felt your heart tear into millions of pieces.
Instantly, your shoulders slumped and you turned your head away from him and down at your lap, quickly feeling sober due to the sadness that overtook your body. You’d lost your appetite and so now, the ice lolly was melting and dripping down your hand.
"Oh..." You sighed, biting your bottom lip, refusing to make eye contact with the boy again. You felt so... silly for ever thinking he could possibly see you in the same light you did for him. "Right..."
"Did you have a good time?" Jake wondered, continuing to eat his ice cream.
"Yeah," you slowly nodded. "Jungwon seems nice. I'm really starting to like him." You expressed, a smile making its way to your lips at the thought of the dimpled boy — you unbeknownst to Jake, who had seemed to tense up to the way you spoke about the Yang boy.
Eventually, as time passed and both you and Jake finished your ice cream, a huff escaped your lips as you felt your eyes begin to grow heavy.
"I'm tired." You moaned out as Jake stood up, you looking up at him as he chuckled at your behavior.
"Come on," He spoke, nodding his head to the direction they had to walk in. "We're not far from home."
"But I'm too tired to walk." It wasn't usual for you to be like this. You weren’t one to be bratty, but with the alcohol rushing through your veins, she didn't care.
A long groan came from Jake as he threw his head back and flared his eyes. "You think you're such a princess." He joked and squatted down in front of you. "Get on." He ordered.
A part of you was telling you not to get on and just suck it up and walk, however a massive part of you was telling you to just do it — and because you were drunk, you found yourself listening to the devil on your shoulder, and without another word, you climbed onto the Sim boys back.
Once you finally arrive at the home, you quietly entered and made your way through the home, you not waiting around to say anything else to the boy. You were done. You couldn't — wouldn't — waste your time waiting for him, nor would you continue to be delusional and think a simple brotherly action from him was something more.
You were fed up.
"Goodnight, y/n." You heard Jake softly say, instantly making you halt your movements as you approached the bottom of the stairs, one hand on the railing. Your heart continued to beat faster than ever and you shut your eyes to compose yourself. You weren’t going to do it. You weren’t going to allow him to change your mind again. You couldn't do it anymore.
And the first step to moving on was to ignore him — and that’s what you. You didn’t utter a word to the older boy and you continued your way to your bedroom, desperate for your heart beat to slow down.
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If your head wasn't already banging before, then it definitely was now, now that Niki barged into your bedroom, throwing questions at her, demanding to know what went down last night.
"Did you guys kiss?" Niki grinned, excitedly laying himself down at the end of your bed. Your brows furrowed in confusion and annoyance, and your head pulsed with pain as you slowly sat up on your bed — your hair matted and dark, prominent eye bags beneath your eyes.
"Did you get drunk?! Did he walk you home?" The younger boy continued to ask, causing even more discomfort to your head.
"Niki, please." You huffed, squinting your eyes shut. Why was everything suddenly so loud? "Be quiet for a minute." You groaned, throwing the warm blanket from your body, about to get out of bed.
"Where are you going?" Niki raised a brow and you stopped your movements and turned to look at him.
"I'm going to get Aspirin." You told him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, though a glimps of confusion flashed across Niki's features and he pointed to your bedside table.
You mirrored the boys feelings and turned to look at the table, only for your eyes to widen slightly. On it was two Aspirin tablets, a bottle of water and a pack of crackers. Shock consumed your body and you sheepishly glanced over at your best friend.
Had you put them there last night and forgotten about doing it? Though, considering you were quite drunk, your thoughts before jumping into bed would most definitely not be getting medication for the morning — and crackers. The only person you knew to have crackers after being drunk was Jake, and that because you once let both your brother and Jake ramble about a party they went to that night and how they were 'totally not' drunk whilst slurring on their words, meanwhile you revised for an exam the next morning.
Jake?
Was he the one to put them there?
"Did you forget that you put it there last night?" Niki chuckled, breaking you out of your thoughts as you slowly nodded you head. "Did you drink that much?"
A breathy chuckle fell from your lips and you let out a sigh. "Yeah, I guess I did."
"How was the party last night?" He wondered once you had taken the Aspirin and begun to eat the crackers.
"I can't really remember to be honest." You shrugged, and it was true. You couldn't remember pretty much anything from the actual party. All you could remember was her heart breaking when Jake sister-zoned her.
A long and exaggerated huff fell from Niki's mouth as he threw his head back in annoyance and rolled his eyes. He'd been waiting all morning (it was now the afternoon) for his best friend to wake up and tell him about your night, and now you couldn't even remember.
"Whatever," Niki stood from your bed. "You look like shit." He deadpanned and your mouth parted ever so slightly in shock. That was unexpected. "You should wash up because your dads doing lunch on the BBQ outside." Niki informed before leaving you alone to get ready.
Once you had showered and gotten ready for the day — your bikini beneath your denim shorts and loose t-shirt — you made your way down the stairs.
Instantly, your nose was filled with the scent of smoke and the delicious smell of ribs and burgers. It was nice and even made your stomach growl as you walked into the kitchen to go out the double doors to head outside.
However, before you could get far, your eyes landed on him — Jake Sim. He was pouring himself a glass of Coke whilst wearing a pair of wet swim trunks and no top. His hair was damp with water droplets dripping from it and rolling down his body.
You knew it was wrong to stare and feel the way you did about him. You didn't want to like him. You couldn't help but feel guilty because not only were you betraying your brother, but you felt as if you were also betraying Niah.
Too lost in your thoughts, Jake slowly looked up from his glass and over to you, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips as soon as his eyes landed on you, instantly making you to break away from your thoughts.
Your cheeks reddened with embarrassment. You’d just been caught staring and now all you wanted to do was curl up in a ball and roll away. He looked hotter than ever with the water gliding down his toned body, and you felt your stomach swirl as a wave of fluster hit you.
He has a girlfriend, you’d tell herself, attempting to compose yourself. You needed to move on. Jake Sim didn't like you — he never would. You were Jay Park's baby sister, you didn't stand a chance...
And so, you cleared your throat and stood up straight. "You're making a mess." You stated, catching him off guard. "Make sure you clean up the puddle on the floor." You nodded down the the pool of water by his feet from the water falling from his body, before you looked back up at him.
You both held eye contact for a short moment, Jake not knowing what to say. You had never spoke to him like that before. Usually, you would get flustered and stutter on your words, but this time you didn't and that bothered Jake.
You silently picked up your art book that was on the kitchen island and turned around the walk through the open, double doors. You couldn't help but feel proud of yourself.
"There she is!" Your father beamed once he saw that you were now awake and outside. "Do you want a burger, y/n?" He asked, flipping over the circular food and a wide smile appeared on your lips.
You parted her lips, about to agree even though your stomach was really calling out for the ribs. You knew they were a mess to eat and you didn't want to look a slob in front of Jake — a scoff quickly escaped your lips as you realized what you were thinking.
You weren’t going to let Jake Sim unknowingly dictate your life anymore.
And, when you finished eating the plate of delicious ribs, you moved yourself from the bench and table and over to the sun beds, where your mother and Niah were busy sunbathing. You sat herself on the empty bed between them and let out a long sigh; exhaustion taking over your body from the meal you’d just eaten.
Picking up your art book from your lap and opening it, your eyes immediately widened slightly and a quiet huff passed your lips as you took in the many different sketches you’d started of Jake Sim but never finished.
You always found Jake hard to draw. You weren’t sure if it was because his features were so perfect that they couldn't be recreated, or if it was because you became obsessed with a new look from the boy and desperately wanted it down on paper; not bothering to finish your previous work.
Shaking your head, you snapped yourself out of your thoughts and glanced over at Niah. You didn't want the girl seeing Jake in your sketch book and getting the wrong idea, and so, you quickly turned to a blank page, retrieving a pencil from your pencil case to start a new piece.
However, before you had the chance to do anything, a gush of water was sprayed in your direction, soaking your lap and the pages of your book.
A gasp left your mouth and you instantly sat up on the bed, the squeals from Niah and the laughter of your parents, Niki, your brother and his friends consuming your hearing.
"Jay!?" You yelled out, looking over to him, where he was stood in the pool with a (now empty) water gun pointing in your direction. "What the hell!"
"Stop being boring losers," He scoffed, putting the gun down and rolling his eyes dramatically. "Come on, get in."
"We're gonna play Chicken and I need a partner." Niki smirked mischievously at his best friend, and you couldn't help but chuckle at him. You’d always liked that pool game — and you were a pro at it. However you quickly remembered the times when you were younger and when you would play and be the one on Jake's shoulders...
"So get in and get on my shoulders." Niki ordered, and quickly, you sarcastically huffed and put your book down, making your way to the edge of the pool (Jake's look of annoyance going unnoticed by everyone).
Once you were in the warm pool and now on your best friends shoulders, you watched as Jake swam to the edge of the pool and called out for Niah.
"Why don't you play?" The Sim boy asked his girlfriend, a smile on his plump lips as he rested his head on his arms and tilted his head slightly to look at her. "You can be on my shoulders?"
"No, thank you," Niah shook her head, her lips scrunching in disgust as she removed her sunglasses to look at Jake. "My hair will go green if I get in." She chuckled as she put her sunglasses back on and laying back to continue her tanning session.
You watched as the boy let out a sad sigh and his shoulders slumped before he turned back around to face everyone who was having their own conversation.
"Sunghoon, you're the Ref." Jay told the quiet boy, who smiled and nodded his head in agreement. "I'm gonna verse my sister, and then we'll finally get to see who the better Park is." The boy chuckled with a shrug as he beckoned Jake over so that he could get on his best friends shoulders.
Quickly, you rolled your eyes at your brother. "I don't need to win a stupid Chicken game to know that, Idiot." You scoffed.
"Be quiet, Nerd." Jay huffed, and eventually, once he was sat comfortably on Jake's shoulders, the four heard Sunghoon count down from three before yelling 'Go!'
Instantly, you began to wrestle, pushing and shoving each other. Your laughter was heard throughout the back garden, and the screams of worry that left your mouth would be heard every now and then when you would almost be pushed back into the water.
It was a tough competition. Neither Park was willing to give up and that was mainly due to the massive competitive gene you’d inherited from your father — howbeit, just as you thought Jay was about to tumble back into the pool, your eyes landed on Jake, who reached his arm out to shove Niki back, harshly.
Catching the Nishimura boy off guard, your best friend went stumbling backwards, a gasp of shock leaving both of your mouths as you were soon submerged within the water, evidently losing the game of Chicken.
Once you came up from the water, you were straight away faced with the cheers of your brother, Jake and Sunghoon (the referee!) your brows furrowed in annoyance and you were quick to point your finger at Jake.
"This is so unfair!" You stated. "Jake pushed Niki."
"Quit being a sore loser, Sis!" Jay mocked, jokingly using the nickname as he stuck his tongue out you, who rolled your eyes with a scowl on your face, and you splashed the two boys with the pool water before turning to Sunghoon.
"Sunghoon, you saw Jake push me." Niki stated, and a smirk appeared on the pale boys lips as he glanced over at Jay and Jake, doing his best to contain his laughter.
"Sorry, guys," He slowly began. "But a games a game..." He shrugged and broke out laughing before being brought in for a group up with Jay and Jake, the three boys cheering, leaving you and Niki left to roll your eyes.
After a little while of messing around in the pool, you finally managed to convince the boys to play your favorite pool game — Volleyball. Though, looking around, you soon came to the realization that the teams would be uneven and ultimately unfair.
"Hey, Niah," you called out to the blonde girl. "Do you want to join?" She asked, but the only response you received was the soft snores coming from Niah's parted lips.
"I'm tired anyways," Niki shrugged, a smirk on his lips as he glanced at you before lifting himself out of the pool and sitting on the edge, water droplets dripping from him. "Y/n and Jake can just team up."
Instantly, you snapped your head over in your best friends direction, a glimpse of shock spread across your features as you sent him a glare. What was he playing at?
Jake, however, was quick to agree and make his way over to you, who sent him a forced smile. You really did not want to be partners with Jake Sim.
But, nevertheless, when the game had begun, and you soon realized you and Jake were losing against your brother and Sunghoon, you let out an annoyed groan as you watched as Jay and Sunghoon conversed about strategies between themselves.
You were annoyed. You wanted to win — especially after (wrongfully) losing in the game of Chicken. The inflatable balloon was thrown back and forth, and just as you thought you could score a point for your team, it would quickly be snatched away by a overly aggressive hit back from Jay.
"Get a grip." You told Jake, who rolled his eyes at your attitude. Having basically grown up with the Park siblings, Jake had become accustomed to their behavior, and he knew that when a competition was involved, he was bound to receive 'tough encouragement' (as Jay would call it) from the either of you.
"Hey," Jake spoke up, beckoning you over to him. Your brows furrowed in confusion, and you held up a pause sign to Jay and Sunghoon, who rolled their eyes and allowed you both to speak.
"What?" You asked, a tone of annoyance laced within your voice. "You're literally sucking ass out there, Jake, come on."
The Sim boy couldn't help but chuckle at your words and he rolled his eyes. "Shut up, I have a plan."
"And that is?"
"You'll see." He stated, before un-pausing the game. "Come stand by me." He stated, and you sent him a look of confusion. Why did he want you to go back over to him? How could they possibly hit the ball when stood together?
"Why?" You questioned and the boy groaned and flared his eyes.
"Will you just do it?!" He questioned, impatiently and you huffed and did as told.
"Can I touch you?" Jake leaned down slightly to your ear and whispered, his hot breath fanning her skin and sending goosebumps all over your body. Your eyes widened at the close proximity and you felt yourself nervously gulp as the boys words swirled around in your head.
"Yes..." you nodded your head, remembering he only saw you as a sister and not witnessing the smirk that appeared on Jake's lips as he placed his hands on your waist beneath the water.
His hands on you felt weird — but in a good way. It sent butterflies crashing into your stomach and made your heart flutter. You’d never been touched like this by a boy before, so everything was peculiar to you. You didn't know what you were feeling.
Snapping you away from your thoughts, you heard Jay yell 'go', before he launched the beach ball over to them. Your eyes widened in fear as you suddenly felt restricted. Jake had his hands on you so you couldn't move, and the ball was flying right your way. There was no way you were going to be hit in the face by another ball on this holiday.
However, before the ball had chance to hit you in the face, Jake lifted you up so that you could have a chance at hitting it, considering Jay would unfairly hit it as high as he could knowing you weren’t tall enough — and luckily, you smacked the ball back over to the opposing team, catching them off guard and making the ball land outside of the pool.
Instantly, a giant smile appeared on your lips as Jake put you down and you quickly spun around, instinctively wrapping your arms around the older boys neck and pulling him in for a victory hug. Jake's arms circled around your waist, pulling you against him as you let out squeals of happiness.
You truly were happy to see the annoyed look on your brothers face.
The moment between Jake and you was interrupted by your father clearing his throat, making you realize what was going on.
Your eyes enlarged in shock and you speedily removed yourself from Jake and turned to your dad, acting as if nothing happened and ignoring the blush that was creeping upon your cheeks.
"There's some boy at the door," He announced, a playful smirk on his lips as he wiggled his brows. "He's asking for you."
Immediately, your eyes lit with excitement and you hurriedly got out the pool and wrapped a towel around her your body. There was only one boy you thought could be at the door and that was Jungwon, and so, as you headed inside, ignoring the eye roll from Jake (which did confuse you for a moment), you quickly walked over to the front door that was left slightly ajar.
Your thoughts were correct. There stood Yang Jungwon with a warm smile on his lips, revealing his cute dimples. "Hey." You smiled at the taller boy.
"Hi," He breathed out, slightly nervous. "Your dads scary." He blurted, and you quickly let out a chuckle.
"He's not once you get to know him." You reassured, the smile remaining on your lips as Jungwon soon mirrored your expression. "What're you doing here?" You wondered.
"Well, me and my friends are having a bonfire on the beach later on," The Yang boy began, shoving a hand in his front pocket. "And I was wondering if you wanted to join?"
As soon as the words left Jungwon's lips, you quickly bobbed your head in agreement. You were starting to really like Jungwon, and so you were more than happy to keep spending time with him.
"I'd love to."
"Cool," Jungwon let out a breath of relief as he nodded his head. "You can bring your brother and your friends along too, if you'd like... the more the merrier."
"Will do." You nodded and Jungwon's smile grew even more.
"Great, I'll come by later to get you?" He asked, and without hesitation, you nodded your head, before you bid your goodbyes, and Jungwon walked away with a grin on his face and you shut the door with a smile on yours.
You knew tonight was going to be fun.
───────────
When Jungwon had arrived at the home later on that night, sticking to his word and picking you up, you all made your way towards the beach — Jungwon and you in front of everyone, and Jake trailing behind everyone else with his hands stuffed in his jean pockets.
"You look really pretty tonight." Jungwon complimented, turning his head to glance down at you, whose cheeks now burned red.
What you were wearing was pretty simple, however you still managed to look as beautiful ever. You wore a pair of baggy denim shorts and a tight fitted red, cropped top. You paired it with your everyday jewelry and a pair of white socks and black and white Adidas Samba's. You hadn't put on loads of makeup when getting ready, considering the sun burn that was decorating your face hurt to touch, so you wore winged eye liner, mascara and a clear lip gloss and you hair just how you liked it.
"Really?" You questioned in a tone that showed you were slightly shocked by the boys compliment and Jungwon chuckled, nodding his head as you did your best to hold back your wide grin.
"You always do." He stated and never in your life did you think you would be thankful for the sunburn that was spread across your cheeks, because otherwise the Yang boy would be able to see your red, beaming cheeks.
Once arriving at the beach, your lips parted in awe as you took in the sight before you. In the center of the beach was a massive, glowing bonfire that had flakes of fire flying from it. It's crisping and crackling sound was just about heard over the loud beat of the electronic music and there were many people dancing around the fire with plastic cups in their hands — more than likely filled with alcohol.
"Do you want a drink?" Jungwon wondered, and you nodded your head in agreement before the boy hurried to the drinks stand, leaving you with large smile on you lips.
"He's only getting you a drink," you heard Jake Sim scoff from beside you, immediately making you turn to look at him with a scowl spread on your features. "No need to swoon over him that much." He rolled his eyes, shaking his head slightly.
"Shut up, Jake." You huffed, fed up of the boy consistently trying to ruin your mood, and so you quickly followed after Jungwon, leaving Jake to watch you reunite and share giggles between each other as Jungwon handed you your drink.
The boy was brought out of his trance by the feeling of Niah linking her arm with his. He glanced down at her and instantly felt his chest pang with realization. He'd almost completely forgot about her. He had been so wrapped up with focusing on you and Jungwon, that he seemed to of forgotten about the girl he brought back from college.
The Sim boy sent her a small (guilt filled) smile, and felt his shoulders slump. All he needed was a drink.
As the night went on, you and Jungwon continued your conversation about something random before you went to get another drink. Jay, Sunghoon, and Niki had found a group of girls to try and impress, Niah ended up going back to the holiday home, telling everyone that she was sure she had sun stroke, and Jake was sat on the sand a little far from the actually rave with a cigarette between his slender fingers, staring out at the water.
A sigh fell from your lips as your eyes landed on him and millions of questions flooded through your mind. For example, how much had he had to drink?
You had known Jake for a while, and had quickly gotten to know his drunk side, and judging from the way he was right now, with his hand trembling and his eyes getting lost in whatever was before him, you gathered he was quite intoxicated.
"Hi." You quietly announced yourself once you approached the boy, who hadn't even turned his head to acknowledge your presence — which made you roll your eyes, but it was Jake, and when Jake was drunk, he didn't think...
"Shouldn't you be with your Lover boy?" The boy scoffed out as you sat down beside him and he took a long drag from the cigarette.
"Why are you being so salty about it all?" You questioned with furrowed brows. "You're acting worse than my actual brother."
And that was true. Jay didn't seem to have a problem with you and Jungwon. He wouldn't throw snarky remarks about him, nor would he send mean looks his way, so why was Jake?
"I'm not being salty," Jake shook his head, denying your words as he blew the smoke out of his mouth, your heart racing at the sight of him.
The orange glow from the sun peered down onto his sun kissed skin, and his brown eyes twinkled beneath the setting sun. He looked majestic and you found herself getting lost in him — however you were quickly pulled from the trance once the Sim boy spoke up again.
"I'm just stating facts."
Silence fell around the the two as you bit down on your bottom lip and followed the boys gaze, your eyes landing on the blue, gleaming ocean.
"Does he know you were once a nerd?" Jake asked, his words slightly slurred as he turned his head to look at you, a quiet — almost non existent chuckle — falling from his lips. Immediately, you felt her face scrunch in confusion and offense and you quickly snapped your head over in his direction.
You couldn't help but feel hurt by the boys words. What was wrong with being a 'nerd'?
Did Jake think Jungwon would change his mind about her if he knew she took her academic life seriously? What was wrong with that?
Was that why Jake never looked at you twice? Did he not like the fact you focused on your grades instead of spreading your legs for random boys at random parties?
"Why are you being such a dick for?" You disputed, shaking your head in disappointment and disbelief. "You're drunk." You sighed out, though it sounded more like you were trying to convince yourself that he was, rather than a statement.
"You've changed since college," you revealed. "The old Jake was always nice." You said, missing the times the Sim boy would never say a bad word about you and always be there to defend you.
"People change, Y/n," He sneered and you quickly felt an even bigger wave of annoyance fill your body at his attitude towards it all. The boy looked you up and down, his eyes taking in the outfit you were wearing and the light make up you had on, and the features on your face before he cocked a brow. "And you're a good example of that."
"What do you mean?" You asked, confused as to what Jake meant. How had you changed? If anyone had changed it was him, not you, so what was he talking about?
A frustrated huff left the boys parted lips and he threw his head back slightly before shaking his head and connecting his eyes with you; the two of you instantly feeling the tension between them thicken.
You felt your breathing hitch as his eyes landed on you, a pit of nerves unleashing within your stomach as you did everything you could to avoid eye contact with the older boy.
"I thought you were supposed to be brainy, huh?" Jake stated. "Or did you just lose all your intelligence when trying to be pretty?"
Your heart ached with hurt. What had gotten into him? Why was he being such a prick?
Was it the alcohol? Though, drunk words were sober thoughts, right? So if that was he thought when sober, how long had he been thinking this?
Did he not think you were pretty? Was that why he used the word 'trying'?
"Fuck off, Jake," you spat, standing up from the sand and walking away from him. "Prick." Rolling off your tongue in a hushed tone as you folded your arms across your chest and headed to the other side of the beach with a stone cold face — your best friend noticing the mood you were in and quickly following after you.
───────────
The warm, summer setting breeze blew softly through your hair, skimming your face as you and Niki sat side by side on the beach, looking out at the ocean. The sun had now set and the only source of light surrounding the beach was the fiery beam from the bonfire that everyone continued to dance around. 
An alcoholic drink was past between you and Nishimura boy as you cracked jokes every now and then; your legs brought up close to your chest as a way to find warmth in the midst of the chilly night. The two of you had been sat away from the rave for twenty minutes and neither of you had any plans of heading back just yet. You liked being in one another's company and gossiping about the party.
"Y/n," Niki began, a sly smirk on the boys lips as he turned his head to look down at you, his eyebrow cocked. "Be honest. Are you really over Jake?" He wondered and instantly, you felt your eyes enlarge slightly in shock at the unexpected question. "You can tell me." He reassured you, who let out a sigh.
"It's weird." You began, looking at him as he listened to you. "I hadn't seen him in so long... and now that I've seen him again, I guess I just feel overwhelmed." You shrugged, not quite sure if what you were saying made any sense.
"And do you really like Jungwon?"
Nodding your head quickly, a smile appeared on your lips as you turned away from looking at Niki and focused your eyes on the sea before you, biting down on your finger nail. "Originally, I was only going to focus on him as a distraction from Jake, but now I'm really starting to like him."
"So," Niki started, a mischievous grin on his lips that made you groan and rolls your eyes. You knew that look all too well. "If they were both to ask you to be their girlfriend, who would you say yes to?"
You felt your breathing hitch as the boys words travelled to your ears. Of course Niki would ask something like this — ask something that you didn’t have an answer to.
Jake was your first love, your childhood crush and you would forever hold a special place for him in your heart — no matter the mean things he'd say to you.
And Jungwon was someone new. He made you feel special, like he only had eyes for you. He was a gentleman and that was something you cherished... however, no matter how hard you thought about the Yang boy, your brothers best friend would always find a way to appear in your head.
Just as your lips parted to answer the boys question, the sound of yells coming from the bonfire caught both of your attentions and instantly made you snap your heads over to see what was going on. Multiple people were crowed around in one place, cheering and holding their phones out to capture what was unraveling.
Without another thought, you both stood from the beach (Niki leaving the once full cup of alcohol buried in the sand) and hurried over to the chaos with confusion and intrigue written across their faces.
You managed to push your way through the crowed of people, muttering apologies beneath your breath as you heard people's scoffs of annoyance.
Immediately, as soon as you got to the front of the circle, your eyes widened in shock once they landed on Jake, who was on top of another boy, punching him. He looked furious and irritated and you couldn't help but feel taken aback by the scene before you.
Jay and Sunghoon were trying to pull their friend off of the random boy — who was trying to fight back, though, due to Jake being above him and having more power over him, it was quite impossible.
Eventually, the Sim boy was yanked off of the stranger, his long sleeved, white t-shirt tearing at the collar as he ran a hand through his dark hair in pique.
Instinctively, you wrapped your hand around Jake's wrist and pulled him away from the circle to prevent him from doing anything else regretful, whilst your brother and Sunghoon spoke to the bloodied boy to find out what had happened.
"What the fuck, Jake?" You spat out once they came to a halt at the end of the beach; you dropping the boys wrist harshly. "Why would you do that?" You asked like an angry mother and all Jake could do was stay silent, looking down at you as his eyes softened.
Squinting your eyes and taking a closer look at his face, you began noticing the wounds displayed across his face. The other guy had managed to get in a punch or two because Jake's bottom lip was burst, and dripping with blood, and his right cheek bone had a slit across it, now oozing with a dark, crimson liquid.
"Answer then," you urged, folding your arms across your chest. You were becoming frustrated with the mute boy. "What are you playing at?"
"You're not my mum, y/n," Jake finally spoke up with a slightly raised voice. He too, was also frustrated. "So quit speaking to me like you are."
All you could do for a moment was scoff and roll your eyes. You were fed up of him. You didn't know what had happened to him since college, but all you knew was that you didn't like it at all.
You didn't like him speaking to you the way he did, and you didn't like his violent actions. The old Jake would never of done that...
"You need to stop being a Dickhead," you stated, looking him up and down before letting out a quiet sigh and dropping your arms to the side of your body. "Go home and clean yourself up. I'm going back to the party." You explained and began to make your way past him.
However, before you could get very far, the boy caught hold of your wrist (Just like you once had hold of his moments ago) and caused you to halt you movements.
"He was talking about you, y/n." Jake confessed. His voice was as soft and sincere as ever and it immediately made your heart warm at his tone. "He was calling you all kind of names."
A long huff fell past your plump lips as you turned around to face the boy. "Like you're any better, Jake, you were calling me a Nerd." You informed whilst your brows scrunched in confusion.
Jake sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair, slightly tugging at his roots in frustration. "That's different." He stated, instantly making your eyes widen slightly.
"How is it different?"
It was silent for a moment as you looked up at the boy, waiting for an answer to leave his lips. His eyes landed on everything but you and he bit down on his bottom lip (the side that wasn't injured).
"Because it is."
As his eyes eventually met yours, you couldn't help but feel your heart clench at his words.
Why? Why did Jake Sim have to do this to you?
Why did he have to speak in that soft voice and quickly make you go crazy for him?
Why? Whenever he spoke in that tone it always reminded you of the old Jake...
Glancing back at the party with thousands of thoughts swarming your head, you felt your shoulders slump and a quiet huff come from your parted lips as you turned to look back up at the older boy.
"Never call me a Nerd again." You spoke firmly, in a tone that was demanding before taking hold of Jake's wrist again and leading him away from the party, and taking him home.
And so, when you both made it back to the home and quietly made your way up to the bathroom, careful not to wake your parents or Niah, Jake sat himself down on top of the bathroom counter.
Silence filled the air between you and him as you tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear and kneeled down to search through the cabinets beneath the sink for the First Aid kit.
There were many thoughts swirling through your head and questions that you were asking herself, yet couldn't find an answer to were clogging her mind.
Why were you helping Jake?
Why didn't you just stay at the party with Jungwon?
Jungwon…
You had completely forgotten about him and now, as his face appeared in your head you couldn't help but feel guilty for leaving the party without telling him.
Once you had retrieved the kit from behind a load of shampoo bottles, you placed it on the side of the sink and opened the container and began getting the equipment ready.
A few glances were shared between you and Jake, however no words were spoke as you drowned a q-tip in saline solution before hesitantly turning your body to face the Sim boy — who had been watching you the entire time.
"This'll probably going to hurt a bit." You warned, your voice quiet and tone soft, and Jake nodded his head, not uttering a word as he allowed you to clean his wounds.
Gently, you brought the q-tip up to the corner of the boys lip and began to wipe it. The pressure you put on him was delicate, almost like you’d cause even more injury to him if you had pressed down harder. However, no matter the gentle approach you had, it didn't stop the wince of pain escaping Jake's mouth.
Instantly, you pulled back with your eyes slightly widened. "I'm sorry." You quickly apologized, afraid you’d hurt him more than he already was, but Jake shook his head.
"You shouldn't apologize, I should..." He started, shaking his head ever so slightly. "I'm sorry, Y/n," Jake spoke just above a whisper. "For being mean to you, I didn't mean it at all."
"I'm finding that hard to believe." You sighed, a small chuckle falling past your lips as you slumped your shoulders and you lowered your hand that held the q-tip.
The Sim boy bit down on his bottom lip and bowed his head in shame. He knew what he said hurt you, and he wanted nothing more than to take it back. He doesn't know why he said it, but all he knew was that didn't mean it.
"I don't know what's wrong with me," Jake uttered out. "There's something going on with me, Y/n, and I don't know what it is." He explained and raised his head, instantly making their eyes connect.
You could feel a bubble of nerves appear in your chest as their eyes met and you felt yourself gulp whilst you quickly disconnected the eye contact and mimicked Jake's actions by lowering your head.
It felt as if your chest was pounding against your chest, uncontrollably. Jake always knew how to make you feel like this; like your heart was going to burst from your body at any given moment and you hated it. He knew how to make you feel nervous and make the butterflies in your stomach flap their wings.
Quietly, Jake reached forward and placed his hand beneath your chin and slowly raised your head so that you could look back at him. The tension between you was thick as neither of you chose to say a word — the only sound between you being the sound of your breathing.
"What do you mean?" You eventually spoke up. Your voice was as quiet as ever and laced with nerves.
What did Jake mean? Was he ill?
Jake licked his lips whilst his eyes darted from your eyes and down to your own plump lips. They lingered there for a moment, immediately making your breathing hitch and your ears tint red before his dark eyes travelled back to your eyes. It felt like Jake had put you under a spell and now you were caught within his trance.
You could feel his hand reach out and hold onto your hip, pulling you closer to him between his legs. You didn’t know what to say or do, so you remained silent. It pained you weren’t sure if you wanted this moment to end or not.
His cold fingertips brushed against the fabric of your top, gently raising the cloth so that he could curve his fingers around the waistband of your shorts.
You could not just feel a heartbeat in your chest now, but also one between your legs…
You watched as the boys lips parted, about to speak, though before he could get the chance to get any words out, the bathroom door abruptly opened, causing you to jump away from him in fright and for you both to turn your heads to see who had walked in.
"What's going on?" Your mother tiredly asked. Her eyes were half open and her hair was a mess with strands of it poking out in all kinds of directions.
"I fell over." Jake quickly answered. "And Y/n was helping me clean up." He informed the older women, who slightly nodded her head, far too exhausted to properly understand — or care.
"You both should get to bed, it's late." She stated and you agreed with your mother, hurriedly walking past her and headed to your bedroom with your heart still in her throat.
Once Jake got to the room he shared with both Jay and Sunghoon, he lazily dropped down on his bed and let out a long sigh. His mind was restless with images of you running through it.
He felt frustrated with himself. He shouldn't be thinking of Jay's younger sister in the way he does. That was his best friends sister. You were off limits. Jake Sim had a girlfriend — Niah, and yet he didn't find himself wanting to be near her all the time like he did with you.
There was something wrong with him... there had to be...
Pulling out his phone from his back pocket, the boy began scrolling through it, desperate to get his mind off of you and to get rid of his growing hard on. However, as the boys finger clicked on the contacts icon and he scrolled past Niah's name and landed on yours, he sighed.
You still up|
This was a bad idea, he thought with his bottom lip between his teeth. He couldn't do it to Jay or Niah, and so without another thought, he deleted the message and shut off his phone, groaning in frustration.
This was hell.
───────────
It had been four days since you had cleaned Jake Sim's wounds, and to say the tension between the two of you was thick would be a massive understatement.
Neither of you had spoken about that night even though it was constantly on both of your minds.
What had Jake meant by something being wrong with him?
You and Jungwon had kept in contact (you having apologized for leaving so suddenly at the party) and things were going well for you two.
Currently, you and your best friend, Niki were sitting on your bed, locked away from the gloomy weather outside. Despite it being the middle of summer — a time when the sun should be blaring all the time — the clouds still managed to turn a dull grey and swarm the once, clear blue sky, causing everyone to remain in doors.
You mindlessly drew in your sketch book whilst Niki laid beside you, dipping his hand into the family share bag of crisps every now and then as he spoke about whatever was on his mind.
Suddenly, disturbing the two best friends was a knock at your bedroom door, which immediately grabbed your attention as the mystery person walked in.
"Heeseung's inviting us over," your brother, Jay, informed you both. "And Jungwon is gonna be there." He added before quickly leaving your room so that he could put his shoes on.
The younger boy beside you nudged your arm jokingly, as he stood up from the bed, disregarding the crisp packet that was now empty and slipping his shoes on.
"Come on," Niki bobbed his head, motioning for you to move. "We're going."
And so, after arriving at Heeseung's holiday home and the group had gotten themselves comfortable in the Lee boys living room (each of them dotted on the sofa), Jungwon, Jake, Heeseung, and Niki had all decided to play a video game on the console.
"When I come back to Korea sometime, we should definitely go and get our nails done together." Niah suggested with a wide smile on her pink lips. You both had decided to sit beside one another, stating that you didn't want to get involved within the chaos of video game rage.
Nodding your head in agreement, you turned your head away from the large television and looked at the girl next to you, mirroring her smile. "That'd be nice, I could also introduce you to some of my friends, I'm sure you'd get along with them well."
Just as Niah parted her lips to add on to your suggestion, your attention was pulled away from the conversation as Jungwon turned to you, nudging your arm gently.
"Do you wanna play?" He asked, holding out the controller for you to take. You couldn't help but smile at his gesture and nod your head — even though you had no idea what to press and how to play the game.
"Do you know how to play?" Jungwon softly chuckled out once noticing your hesitation to press anything. Lifting your head up from the controller and looking at the Yang boy, an embarrassed laugh quietly passed your lips.
"Not really." You shook your head — which instantly earned knowing giggles from your best friend and Niah.
"That's okay, I'll teach you." Jungwon shrugged and inched his body closer to your body, before he placed his hands on top of yours, showing you what button and stick does what.
As Jungwon's warm breath fanned your exposed neck causing multiple goosebumps to form on your skin, you hadn't realized you were holding your breath — no, not until a gasp left your mouth in shock as your screen turned black and the words 'DECEASED' appeared in bold, red writing.
"What the hell, Jake?" Jungwon huffed out in confusion, visibly irritated with the older boy for murdering his character. "We're on the same team."
Glancing over at the raven haired boy, who had refused to look at you and Jungwon, you were quick to notice Jake's clenched jaw and his bottom lip tightly tucked between his teeth — and when the Sim boy turned his head to look over at you, the annoyance in his eyes became as obvious as ever as they met your ones.
"My bad." Jake brushed the matter off, sending a glare at Jungwon before turning back to the video game, which only made you roll your eyes.
Suddenly, the sound of thunder echoed throughout the neighborhood and lightning struck brightly in the air and rain soon began to angrily fall from the clouds. The sky had turned miserable with the dark clouds taking over the setting sun.
"So much for summer." Heeseung scoffed, running a hand through his black hair before going back to the game — however, the plans of continuing the video game was abruptly ended as the television and all of the lights in the home switched off.
"A blackout?" Jay groaned and you let out a sigh. What were you going to do now? It wasn't like you could go home because the street lights weren't working, so Jay (who'd driven in your parents' car) wouldn't be able to see clearly with not only the darkness, but also the pouring rain. It'd be dangerous.
As time passed, and conversations about what to do changed into jokes being made in the dark and then to 'horror stories with Niki', boredom soon fell upon the group as huffs were thrown about. There were no signs of the electricity being turned on as minutes soon turned to hours.
"Hey," Niki spoke up, a playful grin displayed on his lips that could be seen due to the flash from his phone being shone on his face on his lips. His tone was filled with excitement and it quickly grasped everyone's attention as you turned to look at the youngest, waiting to hear his idea.
"Let's play hide and seek."
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"But I don’t want to be on." Jay stated, folding his arms across his chest as everyone gathered back in the living room.
You all had been playing for a good few hours and to say it was a good way to pass time would be an understatement. The home had been filled with laughter and screams of excitement and fright when getting caught, and now, as the sun officially set and had been replaced by the glowing moon, you were moving into the next round of (what seemed to be) a never ending game.
"Everyone but you has been on." You pointed out, annoyed at your brother for acting like a child. "Just suck it up, Jongseong and get to counting."
Jay instantly rolled his eyes at you. "Shut your mouth." He scoffed and turned around to face away from everybody, as he then began to loudly call out the numbers leading up to one hundred.
Without another thought, you had disbanded into every direction of the large home. At first, during the first few rounds, you couldn't help but struggle with finding somewhere good to hide. You didn't know your way around the house well enough, and so hiding behind curtains was the best you could do.
However, as time went on and places around the house caught your eye, it was safe to say you’d won one or two games of hide and seek.
You could hear Jay in the eighties and felt your eyes widen and your heart begin to smack against your chest, anxiously. All of your saved spots had been taken and so you were left with the closest in one of the spare bedrooms.
Huffing in frustration, there were ten seconds left until your brother would search for you and quickly, without another thought, you slid the door open and stepped inside, grateful that the closet was empty.
You stood in silence, patiently waiting for Jay to begin his hunting, and you leaned back slightly, resting your back on the wall as you caught your breath. Running around a house and laughing at the same time causing you to be at a loss of air.
Suddenly, the closet door was slid open in a hurry and for a moment, you felt your shoulders slump with defeat at the belief of being caught and so you stood up straight — however when you watched the figure shut the door behind them, your brows furrowed with confusion.
Had you not been found yet?
The wardrobe was awkwardly silent, the only sound that could be heard was your heavy breathing (which you were embarrassed about).
Who had joined you in the confined space?
"And I thought I was the smoker." They scoffed out a quiet chuckle, and instantly, your eyes widened as the familiar voice travelled to your ears.
It was Jake...
"Jake, what the hell, I was here first, get out," you swiftly broke out into a rant, your voice slightly raised which was bound to grasp Jay's attention as he roamed the corridors. And so, the Sim boy did the first thing that came to mind, shut you up.
Stepping closer to you, who was still talking at a fast and uncontrollable pace, Jake quickly placed his hand over your mouth, covering it and stopping any noise coming from you as you hid.
The action effortlessly made your eyes widened in shock and you stumbled backwards slightly, leaning your back against the wall once again. You didn't know how to feel about the situation you were currently in. It was pitch black, so you couldn't see him due to the hiders not being allowed a torch, so they were only left to their memory.
You could feel the boys minty breath hitting your skin due to your close proximity, and the longer you stayed stood in front of one another with his hand still over your mouth, the more relaxed you became — and you didn't know why.
You were supposed to be annoyed at him — annoyed at him because he rudely stopped you from speaking, and took your hiding spot. You were supposed to no longer like him. You no longer had feelings for him... you liked Jungwon, right?
You could feel your eyes soften and the once feeling of your body being tense vanished.
Despite not being able to see him, you knew he towered over you and knowing that you had to look up at him, you couldn't help but feel nervous and submissive.
Eventually, Jake slowly removed his hand from your face and placed it on the wall behind you, beside your head.
"Are you finished?" He asked, his tone as quiet as ever, and all you did was nod your head (forgetting the fact he couldn't see you).
It was now, when the only thing that could be heard was your breathing and the screams from your friends being caught, that everything you wanted to ask him came back to you.
You wanted to know what he was going to tell you the other night, before your mother interrupted you.
You wanted to know what was wrong with him and why he'd been acting the way he had.
"Jake..." you softly called out, earning a 'hm?' as a response from the said boy. Licking your lips and opening your mouth to question him, you were abruptly stopped by the lights switching back on — and it was then, that you and Jake Sim became aware of just how close you were stood.
The light from the bedroom the closest was in was piercing through the small gaps in the wardrobes wooden doors, allowing you to see one another. Your bodies were centimeters from touching, and all it would take would be one small nudge for you lips to touch due to the older boy leaning down.
Your position took them by surprise, and you couldn't help but nervously gulp as your cheeks burned red.
"I-" you went to start, though it seemed as if you would never get a chance to ask your questions because just when you built up the courage to do so, the closet door quickly slid open, immediately making you push Jake away from you, afraid that whoever opened the door would get the wrong end of the stick... or would it really just be the right end?
"Powers back on," Jungwon awkwardly stated, his lips tightly shut as he glanced between you two. "Um, Jay said your parents want you home." He informed.
Nodding your head at the Yang boy, you sent a small, guilt filled smile his way before you walked past him and hurried downstairs, wanting nothing more than to get out of the situation.
You felt awful.
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Your eyes quickly sprung open in shock to the sound of your brother yelling out for you from the kitchen. You sat up in your bed and threw your blankets from your body and hurried over to your bedroom door and pulled it open, concerned as to what Jay could possibly want at ten in the morning.
"What!?" You shouted back to him, and impatiently waited for a minute or two as the older boy grew silent. "Jay, what?!" You yelled once again, your tone filled with annoyance, hoping that he'd eventually answer.
"Jungwon's outside for you." The Park boy finally told you, and quicker than ever, your eyes widened in confusion and you shut your bedroom door.
Why was Jungwon here?
Sighing to yourself, worry filled within your chest as you began to get ready — already overthinking the situation and picturing of the worse case scenario.
"Hey..." you softly spoke as you shut the front door behind you once making it downstairs. Jungwon was stood at the end of the porch steps, leaned against a post with his hands stuffed in jean pockets. He looked up at you and sent you a smile whilst you returned it and stood at the top of the steps, looking down at him.
"Hi." He spoke back, letting out a sigh as silence swarmed the two. It was suffocating and all you wanted to do was leave. It was a weird feeling you were feeling when being with Jungwon.
Before, you wanted nothing more than to be around him because he made you feel comfortable, and forget about all of your worries, yet now, you felt the complete opposite.
"Listen," The boy began, letting a pregnant pause fall between you as he looked away from you and out at the sea. "I don't think this is going to work." He revealed, turning to look back at you, who now had a brow raised in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't think me and you are going to be able to more forward." He explained and as the words hit you, you felt your chest slightly ache.
Why?
"Its obvious you're meant to be with someone else..." Jungwon sadly shrugged, answering your thoughts before you had the chance to vocalize them.
"Jungwon, I don't understand," you shook your head, walking down the steps so that you were face to face with him, your brows still furrowed. "What do you mean I'm 'meant to be with someone else'?"
The boy before you kissed his teeth and ran a hand through his healthy, brown hair in frustration. "You and Jake, y/n... it's obvious, is it not?"
"No," you shook her head. "It's not obvious."
It wasn't obvious because there wasn't anything going on between you. He was just your brothers best friend... nothing more, nothing less.
You were over him, you didn't want him anymore... right?
"Well then that's something you both need to sort out." Jungwon licked his lips, shaking his head slowly as he began to take a few steps back. "I'll see you around, y/n."
You remained silent for a moment as you watched as the Yang boy walked away from you, your shoulders feeling as if they were caving in on you.
Perhaps you didn't like Jungwon as much as you thought you did?
Sighing to yourself, you ran a through your hair and turned on your heel to head back inside — however, your eyes widened slightly and you felt your breathing hitch at the sight of him, Jake Sim, standing in the doorway.
“Are you okay?" Jake's voice rang out softly as he took a step forward, closing the front door behind him. His black hair sat effortlessly on his forehead, and he was clad in a pale red, sweater that had white writing on and was split at the collar, along with a pair of blue denim jeans that had a few rips in.
If you were being honest, he looked perfect (as always). The bright glow from the sun shone down onto him, making him look even more majestic than he already was.
"What?" You questioned in surprise, you being caught off guard by his question.
"Are you okay?" Jake repeated, slowly making his way towards you with his hands in his front pockets. "I mean," He began, shrugging slightly as you looked up at him. "I saw what happened, and I know you liked him..."
Your eyebrows furrowed in ultimate confusion. It felt as if the old Jake had returned as his voice was laced with sincerity and his eyes glassy; the Jake at the start of the trip having vanished.
"Oh..." you quietly spoke, gulping as his eyes remained on you, making a volcano of nerves erupt in your stomach. "I'll be okay." You nodded your head, forming your lips into a tight line as you sighed.
If only he knew you were much more broken about him, rather than Jungwon...
"Come," The boy instructed as he headed towards Jay's car with the keys in his hand. You hadn't even noticed them in his clutch. "I wanna take you somewhere."
Confused and shocked, your eyebrow raised slightly in suspicion as you followed after him. "Did Jay even allow you to use his car?" You wondered, a breathy chuckle falling from your lips, (knowing how protective your brother was over his most prized possession) as Jake opened the passenger door for you.
"He's my best friend, Y/n," Jake pointed out the obvious. "Of course he'll allow me — and he thinks I'm going to the shop to get snacks." He grinned, which only made you mirror his expression and get into the car (your chest filled with curiosity).
As the Sim boy got into the seat beside you and started the car, you couldn't help but feel nervous as you watched as one of his hands steered the wheel and the other occasionally rested on the side by the rolled down window, or lingered on the gear stick. His eyes remained on the road in a concentrated manner, and his lip was often found between his teeth.
You could almost hear the blood pumping through your body as your cheeks heated; visions of last nights hide and seek game returning to you. You remembered how his warm breath fanned your face, causing goosebumps to decorate your skin, and how he laid his hand on your mouth, preventing you from getting them caught. You remembered how his taller figure almost pressed against your smaller one, and how your lips were oh so close to touching —
You hadn't even realize the car had come to a halt until your door was opened, instantly snatching you from your long train of memories.
Once you stepped out of the vehicle, and the instant wave of heat hit your in the face, your eyes landed on a boardwalk with many different stalls on, and below the boardwalk was a beach that had a few people sunbathing on whilst others shopped at the mini stands, buying all sorts of souvenirs.
"Come on," Jake chuckled at your shocked expression, walking towards the walkway. You couldn't help but smile and follow after him. You’d only been here a few times with your family, so now you were here with just Jake, you were more than excited.
However, reality sunk in as you both started looking at the different key rings on a stall and you couldn't help but sigh heavily.
Why was Jake doing this? He had a girlfriend, so why was he taking you out and buying you things like he was more than just your brothers best friend?
"Do you like these?" Jake wondered, holding up a pair of sunglasses to his face and posing, which only made you laugh at his silly behavior. Your heart was pounding and it felt as if it was about to burst from your rib cage. The reason for you liking Jake Sim in the first place was returning and you didn't know what to do or how to control your feelings...
"I love them, Jake." You chuckled and he grinned back, revealing his gummy smile as he turned to the lady to pay.
You shouldn't be here.
You and Jungwon had just ended whatever was going on between you, and Jake had something going with Niah...
It was meant to feel wrong, yet it felt so right.
A little while later, after a few hours of shopping, both of your feet were beginning to ache from walking around so much, and sweat was dripping from your foreheads, so you decided to stop at an ice cream parlor to cool down.
"Do you think Jay's mad?" You wondered after taking a bite from your Caramel flavored Ice Cream, making Jake look up from his cup of Ice Cream, shaking his head slightly.
"I'm taking his sister out, I have a good explanation." Jake chuckled, the image of an angry Jay appearing in his head — along with the thought of you now being single...
He no longer had to worry about you with some other guy that wasn't him.
He no longer had to feel jealous when seeing you with someone other than him.
Silence fell upon them for a moment as you enjoyed your food, finally being able to feel a sense of coolness well within your bodies. It was relaxing as you enjoyed one another's company — though, the silence was short lived as you felt a question threatening to fall from your tongue.
"Jake," you began, licking your lips nervously. There were many things that were playing on your mind ever since you sat in your brothers car. "Did you hear everything Jungwon said?" You wondered, hoping he hadn't heard the Yang boy insinuate things between you and Jake.
Jake paused for a second, thinking back to earlier when he eavesdropped on you and Jungwon — quite easily remembering the confusion in your voice as you questioned Jungwon, and Jungwon's explanation.
The boy bit his bottom lip before shaking his head.
"No, I only watched him walk away," He lied, shrugging his shoulders, not telling you the truth. "I guess I gathered the conversation wasn't good by your guys' facial expressions." He explained and you nodded your head slightly, hesitantly believing him as they went on to finish their Ice Cream.
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"Jake, what the hell! Don't soak me!" You screamed as you hurriedly ran away from the Sim boy, who was chasing after you in the shallow water of the Sea, desperately trying to wet you.
After finishing your cold snack, you both decided to head down to the beach. You’d only planned on sitting on the sand for a little while, however with Jake's complaining about how hot the weather was, he ended up rolling his jeans up and forcing you to go in with him.
Laughter accentuated from you both as droplets of water fell from Jake's raven hair, and you did everything you could to not get wet.
"I said I don't want to get wet!" You yelled at him, though the boy took no notice of your words and quickly splashed the salty water onto you, instantly making you bring your arms up to cover your face as your clothes dampened.
It was quiet for a while as Jake waited for a reaction to spring from you, him doing everything he could to not break out in hysterics. You let out a small huff before quickly splashing him back.
There was no way you were going to allow him to soak you and not be able to do it back.
A little while later, once both you and Jake grew tired of messing around in the water, you sat yourselves down on the sand to dry off; you looking out at the beautiful ocean and Jake pulling out a cigarette beside you.
Glancing over at him with the stick between his lips, about to light it, you couldn't help but sigh in disapproval. You’d always been against smoking when growing up, knowing the causes it had, so when you witnessed Jake, one of the boys (besides your brother and father and best friend) you cared for most following through with those actions, you felt worried.
"I don't like it when you smoke." You spoke up, turning your head to face him as he blew out a drag of the acrid air.
Jake, slightly caught off guard, turned to look at you as he pulled the cigarette from his lips and held it between his fingers and away from you.
"Why?" He lowly asked, subconsciously allowing his eyes to fall down to your lips, which only made your breathing quiver.
"Because it's bad for you." You stated, attempting to swallow the nerve-filled lump in your throat as his face leaned slightly closer to yours. "You're basically just killing yourself — Do you know how much—"
A small laugh escaped Jake's mouth, cutting you off as he nodded his head slightly, moving his eyes back to your own eyes.
"Okay." He nodded, smoothly putting out the cigarette. "I'll stop." He announced, quietly.
"What?" You questioned, taken back by his actions. "That easy?"
"Yeah," Jake bobbed his head. "If you want me to stop, y/n, I'll stop," He explained, narrowing his attention back to your plump lips as he licked his own.
"Just for you." He spoke just above a whisper, the air around them instantly feeling thick and suffocating, and yet all you wanted to do was drown in it.
Gulping once again, you could feel your body become numb and your mouth become dry as you watched as Jake slowly started to lean in; his attention dancing between your lips and eyes.
You didn't know what to do.
You wanted to kiss him so bad.
You wanted to finally give in to her four year crush and plant your lips on his and allow him to have his way with you, however there was still Jay and Niah.
You couldn't do that to them...
"Y/n," Jake began, traces of nervousness in his voice as he slowly brought his hand up and delicately held the side of her face, setting off millions of butterflies in your stomach.
There was a pregnant pause as you waited for Jake Sim to finish his sentence. You could hear your breathing quicken and your heart pick up its pace as his warm hand held your face, you wanting nothing more than to lean into his touch,
"Can I kiss you?"
"Jake..." You breathed out, gulping nervously as your eyes diverted down to his red, plump lips that were only centimeters away from touching your own.
You could feel your heartbeat beating throughout your body, and ill thoughts of you and Jake sprouting in your mind; scenes of what might possibly happen if you allowed his lips to touch yours.
And you wanted to allow him — so badly...
You wanted to fulfill your dreams of kissing the boy you’ve liked for years. You wanted to give in to the temptations, you really did...
However, the images of your brother and Niah appeared in your head, clogging your thoughts and a stream of guilt ran through your body, turning you cold.
You couldn't do that to them...
"We can't." You shook your head, your accent meek as you hesitantly turned to look away from him — your heart painfully aching in your chest.
As much as you wanted to kiss Jake Sim, not wanting to hurt anybody was far more important to you rather than your happiness.
Jake remained silent as he nodded his head, his eyes landing on the ocean before him as he licked his lips.
"My brother, Jake," you reminded the boy beside you, your attention landing back on him. "And Niah, you're girlfriend... We just can't... I don't want to hurt them."
"I understand, Y/n," Jake reassured, running a hand through his hair as he stood up from the sand. "Now come on," He grinned, ignoring the odd feeling in his stomach. "I'm pretty sure Jay is gonna get suspicious." He chuckled.
You stifled out a laugh as you agreed and stood up, trailing behind him with a heavy heart as he headed towards the car.
You couldn't believe what had happened.
Once both you and Jake arrived back at the holiday home after buying snacks from the convenience store and a long, silent journey home, you both parted ways: Jake heading to the living room to play video games, where he received Jay's rant about how long he took, and you hurried up to your bedroom, shutting your door behind you and laying yourself across your mattress.
Images of Jake flashing through your head as you shut your eyes, a long sigh escaping your lips.
You could only wonder what would of happened if you allowed him to kiss you... you could only imagine the feeling of his warm lips against yours and what would of played out if your innocent acts escalated and turned sinful — and so, as your thoughts trailed, and your fingers subconsciously brushed against your parted lips, you felt her chest heave and your cheeks turn red with fluster.
The only sound you could hear were the yells of Jay, Jake, Sunghoon and Niki downstairs as they played their game, and your mother and fathers mumbled conversation from outside seeping through your slightly ajar window. It was enough to send you into a slumber as Jake Sim's face took over everything.
Later that night, everybody was sat around the family table, eating the food yours and Jay's parents provided. There were brief conversations taking place between Jay, his father, Niki and Sunghoon about the latest Football scores, and Niah and your mother chit-chatting about their split ends.
Though, you and Jake sat in silence with you resting your head on your palm as you mindlessly played with the food on your plate, glancing up at Jake before you every now and then — who refused to look at you, as he kept his eyes plastered on the dish.
Ever since you’d awoken from your nap a few hours ago, Jake had done everything he could to avoid you.
When you entered the kitchen to get yourself a glass of orange juice, he was quick to exit, telling Sunghoon he had to 'drop the kids off at the pool', completely disregarding your presence.
After that, when everyone (minus your parents) were gathered in the living room, watching old movies, you had joined a little later, sitting next to Jake as it was the only available seat — though the Sim boy was quick to stand and move to sit on the uncomfortable, wooden floor (where he later moaned about having a numb bum).
His sudden change angered you. You couldn't seem to understand why he was avoiding you and acting as if you were the one that asked him to kiss you.
And so, as dinner continued and more small talk was made, you couldn't help but feel uncomfortable, annoyed, and saddened — and it seemed that your mother was quick to pick up on your low mood.
"Y/n, help me clean the plates, will you?" Your mum asked with a sweet smile on her lips, making it hard for you to decline.
"What's going on?" Jihye (your mother) questioned, glancing at you as she scrubbed the plates clean.
"What do you mean?" You asked, playing off your current emotions with a confused smile. You were never good at expressing your emotions, especially to your parents, so the situation you were currently in made your body shrivel with embarrassment and uncomfortableness.
"Don't play dumb, y/n," your mother warned, handing you a dish to dry. "You're my baby girl, I know when something's up, now come on, tell me."
Shaking your head and releasing a breathy chuckle, you sighed. "There's nothing wrong, Mum, trust me."
"So if there's nothing wrong, why are you and Jake avoiding each other like an old married couple?"
Instantly, your eyes widened in shock which only made your mother laugh and shake her head. "Honestly, y/n, you're both acting like you've had a massive row. Have you?"
"No..." you denied, feeling your shoulders slump. To be honest, you didn't completely know. Were you having a argument with Jake? And if so, what over?
"That doesn't sound too convincing." Jihye hissed, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes down at you, who threw your head back and released a groan.
"I feel awful." You bluntly stated, looking up at your mother, whose brows creased in confusion.
"Why's that?"
"Because..." you took a deep breath in, preparing yourself for what you were about to reveal. Never in your life had you revealed your deepest secret to anyone in your family. You were always afraid of their reaction, worried they'd tell Jay, or degrade you for liking your older brothers best friend.
"I think I'm in love with Jake — and I know I shouldn't be because he's Jay's best friend, and Jay's warned me about liking any of his friends and he has a girlfriend, but I can't help it, Mum, I really can't." You began, and as you ranted, you couldn't help but notice your shoulders begin to feel lighter — as if a ton of bricks had been pulled from you.
"I've tried to move on, but he's always there and it's so annoying," you breathed out, your tone filled with pain and pent up frustration. "And one minute he's acting like he likes me too, and the next he's avoiding me like I've insulted him. I hate it, Mum, I hate it so much."
Without another word, your mother pulled you in for a hug, wanting nothing more than to take your worries and pain from you.
"I don't know how to handle it anymore, Mum." You whispered into your mothers hair as you wrapped your arms around the older woman's waist.
"It'll get easier, y/n, I promise." Jihye reassured, pulling back to look down at you. "He's a boy — they can be immature creatures at times, trust me. You need to be straightforward with him and pull him up on his behavior. As much as I love him like he's my own, he shouldn't treat you the way he has."
You remained silent, listening to your mothers words and nodding your head in agreement. She was right after all. You needed to confront Jake Sim immediately. He shouldn't get to treat you how he likes.
"You're right." You stated, and Jihye grinned.
"See," She playfully nudged you. "I said I could sense something was up." She chuckled. "Now, find the right time to talk to him about it — and if I was you, I'd make sure you explain it in a way to make sure he understands. Boys can be quite dense at times." She shrugged, which only made a laugh pass your lips as you nodded once again, before continuing to dry the dishes.
You were going to take your mothers advice and do as said as soon as possible.
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Aa the glowing moon overtook the once blazing sun, you sat silently on the ledge of the pool with your legs submerged in the cool, chlorine water; your mothers words continuing to spiral in your head.
Everyone had either gone up to their rooms to hang around, or were fast asleep, so the only noise that you could hear were the crickets in the distance as you focused your attention on your legs that were swaying in the water — the nap you’d taken earlier causing you not to feel tired.
"Hi." You heard his voice quietly and softly announce, making you fall away from your thoughts and look over to the sliding doors that Jake Sim was closing behind him. Immediately, your brows furrowed in anger and a scoff left your lips.
Hi? Was he stupid?
"What?" You harshly asked, refusing to look up at him. You were fed up of his bullshit.
"Y/n—" Jake began, as he headed over to you, however before he could get any other words out, you put a halt to his actions.
"No," you shook your head, looking up at him, a scowl present on your face. "You don't get to come out here and sweet talk me into making me forget how you were with me this evening." You stated rather harshly. "I can't deal with it anymore, Jake. I'm not some doll you can mess around with. I'm human too, I have feelings, you know?" You huffed, turning to look away from the boy who stood with his hands deep in his jean pockets.
"Y/n, let me explain—" He attempted to start, though you shook your head once again, licking your lips. You no longer cared. You were going to take your mothers advice and explain everything.
"Shut up, Jake," you ordered, catching him off guard. "You can't keep treating me like I'm a piece of gum — one minute you're all for me, and then the next you're acting like I'm just on the bottom of your shoe. I'm fed up. I've had enough. I'm not a kid anymore, so quit treating me like shit." You firmly stated as you stood up, getting your legs out of the pool and standing face to face with the older boy.
It was now or never.
"I like you, Jake, so much and I have for a long time, but you're my brothers best friend — you have a girlfriend, and you're mean to me for no reason, and I just have to deal with it. Do you know how hard that is for me?—"
"Do you know how hard it is for me?" Jake cut you off, pointing to himself as he let out a breathy chuckle, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek as he glanced away from you, who was now confused more than ever. What was he talking about?
"You're my best friends baby sister, I shouldn't like you, but I can't help it, Y/n." He revealed, which instantly made your eyes widen at his confession. "I feel so guilty for feeling the way I do towards you because I'm betraying Jay — You know, I promised him at the start of our friendship that I wouldn't look at you in such a way, but I just can't help it, y/n, you do things to me that I can't explain."
Silence fell upon you both as neither of you knew what to say. The tension was thicker than it had ever been, and currently, all you wanted to do was latch your hands on one another — but you knew you couldn't.
Taking a gulp and a small sigh, you slightly shook your head, confusion taken over your facial expression.
"So why treat me the way you have? I don't get you. You make me feel special for a second, and the next you're making me feel like I've done something to you."
You watched as Jake ran a frustrated hand through his hair and parted his plump lips. "Because you have, Y/n," He started, pausing for a split second to gather his words before continuing.
"I've never felt this way before. I thought at first it was just some stupid little crush on my best friends younger sister, but it just continued to grow bigger and I couldn't handle it. I felt guilty. So I thought the best way to get over you was just to get with a load of girls—"
"And become a man whore?" You questioned, which only made Jake send a glare at you before continuing his explanation.
"That obviously didn't work — but when I moved to Australia for College, I thought I finally forgot about my feelings for you. I believed I was finally over you, that's why I got with Niah, but coming here and seeing you again made realize I was wrong, y/n — so wrong. It wasn't like I could just go back to my old ways and sleep around, so I thought it'd just be best to push you away—"
"On days you felt like it?" You interrogated, raising your brow which only made Jake huff.
"Y/n, I'm sorry." He apologized, stepping towards you, hoping you wouldn't move away from him — and you didn't.
You allowed him to stand closer to you.
She allowed him to stand closer to her.
She allowed him to gently take hold of the sides of her face.
She allowed him to raise her lowered head.
She allowed him to caress her cheeks with his thumbs.
She allowed their eyes to meet, and she allowed her heart to flutter.
"I'm so sorry," Jake said just above a whisper, his eyes never leaving yours. "I don't know what to do. I've never felt this way about someone like I do with you."
Your breathing hitched at the boys words and you felt your cheeks heat up. This was all you wanted. You finally had the boy you’ve liked — the boy you’ve fallen in love with — confessing his feelings to you and all you wanted to do was kiss him.
"Jake," you just about managed to get out, her throat feeling tight and her chest feeling heavy with emotion. The tension between them was suffocating as they both stood in the back garden, the glow from the pool shining onto them, both of their intentions being the same.
"I—" you started, however the sound of the sliding doors abruptly shutting was heard, quickly causing both of your heads to snap over in the direction of it, worry and confusion pumping through both of your veins.
Had someone been listening?
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Waking up the next day, Jake Sim felt different — in a good and bad way. It felt as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders now that he had realized he still felt the same way he always had for you, and confessed his feelings to you, yet the remaining thought of Jay and Niah was still evident in the back of his mind.
He knew he'd end up hurting Jay if he ever found out about the way Jake felt towards his younger sister, but he couldn't help it. The feelings he felt for you were far too strong for him to keep to himself any longer — it'd end up killing him.
Jake Sim also knew he would have to speak to Niah before it was too late. He couldn't continue to lead her on, making her believe he loved her when in reality, he didn't, she was just a distraction.
It was wrong, he knew that, and so as he threw his covers from his body, sending a 'Goodmorning' nod to Sunghoon, who was busy drying his hair in the mirror (Jay already having got up hours before everyone else), Jake stood up.
A yawn fell from his lips and he stretched his body slightly, desperately trying to escape the early morning fatigue — however, if his stretching wasn't enough to wake him, the note on the bed side table with his name on sure was.
His brows creased with confusion and he sent a quick glance over to Sunghoon to see if he had any idea on what the mysterious note was, though the Park boy shook his head and turned the hair dryer off.
Jake picked up the note, sitting on the edge of his bed to open it up, curiosity welling up in his veins as his eyes landed on each and every word.
To: Jake,
By the time you end up reading this, I would've left. The time I spent at the Parks holiday home was truly a one of a kind experience, and I'll forever be grateful to you for introducing me to Mr & Mrs Park, and of course, y/n. I like y/n, she's cute and any guy would be an idiot not to realize his feelings for her (p.s, you're the idiot !!)
I knew the minute she stepped out of her parents car on the first day of summer that there was something going on. I mean, if you're constant staring at her didn't tell me, then your overprotectiveness was just a slap in the face — and then when I overheard your guys' conversation by the pool last night, it really gave me clarity. I no longer felt like a toxic girlfriend that was overlooking every interaction you both had.
So, no hard feelings, yeah? We're still going to remain friends, right? I wanna know all the updates between you and y/n (good luck with Jay!!)
P.S: tell y/n that she MUST come visit Australia so that we can get our nails done together!!
- Niah
A heavy breath left Jake's mouth as he stayed silent, staring down at the letter. He didn't know how to feel. He was shocked at the way Niah handled the situation, knowing most girls he'd been with in the past would of gone a-wall. If anything, Niah's reaction made him respect the girl even more.
And so, as Jake folded the note back up and stood, he exited the bedroom, preparing himself for the questions he would be asked about Niah's disappearance.
"So, she just left?" Jay questioned as he spooned a load of scrambled eggs onto his plate. Everybody had decided to sit outside on the bench to enjoy the breakfast both Jay and your parents had prepared considering it was a beautiful day and coming up to their final days at the holiday home.
You watched as Jake nodded his head, the boy and you stealing glances at one another every now and then as he was sat opposite you on the bench.
"Yeah," He began, slowly dragging his eyes away from you. "She told me she was feeling homesick and that our relationship wasn't working." He shrugged and as his story hit your ears, you couldn't help but think back to last night.
Was Niah really homesick? Or had she heard yours and Jake's conversation late last night?
"Sorry to hear that, Jake." Your father sympathized with the younger boy, sending him a tight lipped smile.
The breakfast continued peacefully, with small talk taking place from all ends of the bench, however just like yesterday, you and Jake stayed silent; last nights events still playing out in your heads.
You had finally revealed how you felt about one another, so now what?
"Why don't you lot head down to the theme park?" Mrs Park suggested as she finished her plate of food, grasping everybody's attention. "You haven't been there yet, and the holiday is almost over. I heard it's better than it was last year." She wiggled her eyebrows, intriguingly.
Instantly, your eyes widened slightly at the thought of visiting the theme park and many memories flooded your head. It was almost every year (since you were six) you’d gone there and had fun, so it was only right to go this year round. You’d always been sucker for the rides (which you loved forcing Jay to go on) and the headbands.
And so, just when you thought the day would be filled with overthinking and a lack of communication from Jake, your plans were quickly changed because now, you were sat in the back of your brothers car between Jake and Sunghoon.
And so, if it wasn’t for asking Sunghoon to roll down his window, then you would've become a pool of water by the time you could arrive at the theme park.
You didn't think sitting next to Jake Sim would be so difficult, yet there you were, sat beside the older boy trying to contain your ragged breathing as your thighs lightly brushed against each others.
You weren’t sure if your outburst of nerves was due to the fact you hadn't spoken properly since your mutual confession, or because your bodies were squished so closely together due to Sunghoon obnoxiously manspreading.
You hated that you could feel the sweat dripping down the back of your neck — even after having the cool air blow into the car. You tried to focus your thoughts on other things, like listening to your brother and best friend singing their hearts out to a song that was playing on the radio, or thinking about the first ride you’d go on once arriving (if you even made it).
Quietly, it felt as if your thoughts were eating you up. The nonstop voice in your head telling you to just turn your head and see what Jake was doing was almost deafening. A part of you wanted to. You wanted to see what was occupying him during the long, tension-filled car ride, however another part of you didn't; afraid you’d catch eyes or your stomach would erupt in butterflies and make you puke all over the boy.
You ended up going with the latter, and just chose to imagine what he was doing instead — after all, that would be better than throwing your breakfast up on him...
Once you had all eventually arrived, you were quicker than ever to climb out of the car. You could hear the screams and cheers from other people at the amusement park, and the sound of the metal wheels on a cart gliding against the metal railways filled your ears.
A bubble of excitement grew in the pit of your stomach as you glanced over at Niki, who'd already been looking at you, and you both shared the same look of excitement before hurrying over to the entrance, leaving Jay and the other older boys to sort out the payments.
"I haven't been here in so long!" You beamed, your eyes jumping from one ride to the next. "We should go on the 'Hulker Sulker'," you informed your best friend, who eagerly nodded. "That one is so fast!"
"Y/n!" You heard your brother call out for you, instantly making you impatiently turn around. "Sunghoon doesn't want to go on the 'Hulker Sulker', so I'll stay off with him. You, Niki and Jake go on, and please be careful."
Far to excited to care that you’d have to sit next to Jake again, you rolled your eyes at your brother's protectiveness and bobbed your head in understanding before hurrying over to the long (thirty minute) queue.
As the day went on and you lead the boys from one ride to the next, and sat down for a quick lunch before being ushered up again due to a ride that caught your eye, the four boys tiredly stood in front of you, running a hand through their hair whilst yawning and groaning about their aching legs — even Niki, the boy that would constantly match your high energy had become exhausted.
"None of you want to go on with me?" You questioned, your expression filled with shock. It wasn't usual they got tired this easily, however it was expected due to the beaming rays of sun that constantly peered down on them.
The four boys sent a few glances between one another. A look as if to say 'who wants to suck it up and go on?' and all you could do was huff.
"You don't have to come on, don't worry." You chuckled. "I can just ride it on my own." You shrugged and turned on your heel, about to walk away and to join the already long queue.
"Wait," you heard a voice call out to you, which only made a slight smirk form on your face as you then turned around to see who would accompany you on the pirate ship.
Instantly, as your eyes landed on the familiar set of dark, brown eyes and the dark lock of hair that sat on his head, you felt your heart pound against your chest.
How were you going to survive an hour long queue with Jake Sim?
"I'll come on with you." He stated and they began walking to the entrance, you still shocked.
"Are you sure?" You questioned, hesitantly glancing back to the other three boys before looking up at Jake, who nodded and shrugged his shoulders, shoving his hands in his denim jean pockets.
"Yeah, I like the Pirate Ship," He revealed with a playful grin. "It's a childhood favorite." Jake slightly nudged you, softly, making you let out a chuckle as you both stood behind a group of people.
Silence overtook you two. It wasn't comfortable, nor was it uncomfortable. It was just silence.
You found yourself being occupied by one of the fake plants the park had used to decorate the waiting area, and Jake was busy kicking a pebble on the floor and habitually biting his lip.
"Are you having fun?" The boy wondered, moving his attention away from the small stone and over to you, who had now whipped your head over in his direction and nodded.
"Of course, there's never been a time where I haven't had fun at the theme park." You grinned, ignoring the memory of ten year old Jay puking all over your hair as you went down a slope in a ride.
"Cute." You heard Jake mumble beneath his breath whilst he allowed his eyes to linger on you for a little longer, before the line moved. You could feel your cheeks burning and your stomach flutter and sweat trail down her body.
The things he made you feel...
Memories of the breakfast you had earlier appeared in your head and you quite quickly remembered the abrupt news you were told by Jake about Niah's departure. You couldn't help but wonder if Niah being 'homesick' was the real issue and you desperately wanted to ask the boy beside you and find out the truth, however you didn't want to ruin the mood.
Gradually, the line had begun moving a lot more frequently which only made the two of you happy and even more thrilled to ride the Pirate ship ride that was a fan favorite — however, just as you made it to the front of line, desperate to climb onto the mechanical device, the metal chain dividing the areas was placed in front of them.
"Sorry, the tanks to operate the ride need to be checked." One of the workers (who looked no older than sixteen) informed the pair, earning a groan in response from you. "The wait will be a little over forty-five minutes, thank you for waiting and sincere apologies." The boy sloppily spoke, clearly not too pleased about being where he was.
Jake nodded his head in understanding and soon after, the worker disappeared the sit on the stool whilst the ride was being looked at.
You watched from afar, worry welling up in your chest as many gruesome thoughts flooded your head. What if the ride broke down during the time you were on it? What if it exploded? What if you all died? What if some 'Final Destination' stuff occurred? Or what if —
"Hey, y/n," you heard Jake's soft voice cut you from your trail of thoughts, immediately making you look up from the floor and drop the hand you were biting your nails on to the side of your body. "Don't worry," He reassured, sending you his signature smile that no doubt made your stomach swirl. "They're fixing it, they wouldn't let us go on if it wasn't safe."
You nodded your head slightly, his words only adjusting your thoughts slightly. Despite your love for fast rides and going upside down and screaming your lungs out, there was no doubt that you were continuously anxious about the whole ordeal. Just the mere thought of dying on a roller coaster turned your warm blood, cold and made you break into an icy sweat.
As time went on and the sun continued to shine down on everyone, you couldn't help but begin to grow tired (just like everyone else). The bright ball of fire in the sky was draining you and causing your t-shirt to stick to your back, uncomfortably. It didn't help that where you were lined up had nowhere to sit, so you couldn't relax your legs and shut your eyes for a little while — which annoyed you.
A yawn escaped your mouth and you released a long sigh, bowing your head ever so slightly and closing your eyes. You had only planned to be in that position for a little over five minutes, however as time went on and your legs became numb and your breathing got heavier, you found herself unknowingly drifting off.
Jake, who stood in front of you, leaning against the small, waist high wall behind him had a smile plastered across his lips as he watched as you lowered your head. It truly was a sight for sore eyes and without another word, he stood up properly and gently tugged you forward by your hip, allowing your head to rest against his chest.
He too, was exhausted, though he wasn't going to allow you to end up falling flat on your face whilst he attempted to relax his eyes. An even wider smile grew on his plump (bitten) lips as you instinctively wrapped your arms around his slim waist, nuzzling your head into him to become more comfortable.
You stayed like that for a while, with Jake gently and subconsciously tapping his finger on your back. Even though from afar the position they were in might of looked uncomfortable, you and Jake were far from it — and that's all that mattered.
Finally, after almost another hour long wait, the worker returned, informing everybody that the ride was safe to go on. A few cheers were heard here and there, and nervously, (after you had awoken from your quick slumber) you stepped forward and hesitantly made your way towards the ship.
Was it too late to back out yet?
Reassuringly, you felt Jake's smooth hand slip into your smaller one and he lead you to the back row of seats. You could hear him encouraging you the whole time (which did work a little), and just as the ride counted down from three to begin, you squeezed the older boys hand as a way of telling him not to let go — which he had no plans on doing so.
It had been a few hours since then, and after escaping the amusement park and getting into Jay's car to begin your journey home, silence immediately erupted in the vehicle and the soft noise of the radio seeped through the speakers, creating a relaxing car ride.
Once again, you were sat in the middle between a sleeping Sunghoon, and Jake, who was busy scrolling through his phone. You could feel your eyes grow heavier by the minute and exhaustion fill your veins — just like it did earlier — as your head slowly began to drop, unable to stay conscious.
A sigh left your lips as you raised your head and turned to look out the window. You refused to fall asleep in the car, knowing that the many times you’d done it before always resulted in horrendous neck pain. You weren’t going to put yourself through that and decided to wait until you were in the comfort of your bedsheets to shut your aching eyes.
"Y/n," you heard Jake quietly call out to you; his voice was just above a whisper and almost nonexistent, and if you hadn't been sat next to him, you definitely wouldn't of heard him.
His eyes slowly trailed over your profile, taking in every feature and blemish that decorated your face so perfectly. In his eyes (and he was sure everyone else's too) you were perfect — and when his eyes eventually landed on your pink, plump lips, he felt his throat tighten.
"Here." He bluntly spoke, nudging his shoulder out to you before looking away, afraid you’d spot the blush creeping on his cheeks.
You sat in shock. You hadn't expected him to offer his shoulder to you — you were even overthinking his gesture, wondering if what you thought he meant really was what he was implying.
And so, nervously, you moved your head and gently laid it against the boys t-shirt clad shoulder. At first, it was uncomfortable. You could feel his bones digging into your temple which only made you grimace, however after adjusting your position so that you could lean on him more, he soon became a good enough pillow.
It wasn't long until Jake followed after you, his head bobbing low until it soon fell onto yours, subconsciously. His lips were slightly parted as he nuzzled his head against yours, desperate for comfort (which eventually came) — and due to the two of you being unconscious and in total bliss, Jay's confused eyes that were glaring through the rear view mirror went completely unnoticed as soft snores left both yours and Jake's mouths.
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A little while later, once arriving home and you and Niki having quickly made your way up to your room and hurriedly tangled your limbs with one another, you both drifting off into a deeper (and much more comfortable) sleep.
It wasn't until the sun had completely set that you woke up again, quietly sitting up in your bed, desperately trying not to awake the sleeping boy beside you as you removed his leg from your waist.
It seemed that the exhaustion had decided to finally exit your body, and so now you were now full of energy — and had no idea what to do with it. You were sure everybody else in the house was fast asleep, so it wasn't like you could wake anyone up so that they could entertain you.
Sighing to yourself, you stood and made your way to your chest of drawers, where you then began searching for her bathing suit.
It wasn't often that you tended to go for a night swim in the families pool; your fathers constant reminder that 'You could drown and we wouldn't know until we see you at the bottom of the pool the next morning' ringing through your mind, however you were bored and were in desperate need for fun.
Once changing and grabbing yourself a towel, you were immediately hit with the humid air as soon as you set foot outside, quietly shutting the sliding doors behind you. As usual, the pool glowed yellow and had soft, delicate waves in it, creating a soothing noise as they bounced off of one another.
Dropping your towel to the floor, a smile appeared on your lips as sat on the ledge with your feet dangling in the water. It was moments like this that made you realize how grateful you were for the holiday home your parents bought sixteen years ago — and it was moments like this, that needed ruining by a certain boy who'd messed with your heart far too many times.
"Can I join?" Jake Sim's voice seemed louder than it actually was due to everything being silent. His abrupt disruption made you jump ever so slightly in shock and you instantly felt your heartbeat begin to get faster as he headed towards you, wearing nothing but swimming shorts and a white towel hanging from one shoulder.
You’d seen Jake's bare chest multiple times, though now it felt different. The situation felt a lot more intimate with just the two of you by the pool late at night (practically half naked).
It felt suffocating.
"I don't mind." You nervously shook your head, your voice as quiet as ever, which only made you mentally curse yourself and roll your eyes. Why did your voice have to show how you were feeling?
The Sim boy didn't utter a word. All he did was set his towel down beside your one and immediately jumped into the pool without warning, creating a splash of water to hit you, making a gasp fall from your parted lips.
"Jake!" You whisper yelled, your eyes quickly darting over to the closed back door, afraid your parents — or worse, your brother — would hear you. "Be quiet." You ordered in a hushed tone once the boy had risen from the water, slicking his soaked hair back.
"My bad." He chuckled and licked his lips with a mischievous grin displaying on his face.
"What's your problem?" You questioned, breaking the silence you sat in. It had been almost fifteen minutes since Jake had joined you on your 'late night swim' (you’d yet to get in the pool) and all the boy had done besides splashing you, was glue his eyes to you.
You couldn't understand why he wouldn't stop staring, but for whatever reason it was, you wanted him to stop. He made your stomach swirl with anxiety; fearing you had something on your face, or he was beginning to regret ever confessing to you that night.
"What do you mean?" Jake wondered, cocking his brow and turning his head slightly as a smirk appeared on his lips. He knew exactly what he was doing and he was loving the reaction he was getting.
"You keep staring," you firmly stated. "Stop it."
"Or what?" He urged, slowly beginning to make his way over to you from the other side of the pool. "Am I not allowed to look at you? You're more than pretty, it's hard not to stare."
Instantly, as the words processed in your head, you felt your cheeks burn brighter than a tomato and your breathing hitch as he soon arrived in front of you — his hands directly coming to rest on either side of your legs as he looked at you.
You didn't know where to look. The last time your faces were this close was when you were in the wardrobe together and that was in the dark.
So now, with the lights from the pool reflecting onto Jake's face and highlighting his pretty features, you couldn't help but shy away.
Desperately trying to escape the thick tension, you sucked in a breath and allowed your eyes to move away from his and down to the necklace that was hanging around his neck. It was simple, yet alluring. The silver chain was thin and hanging from it was a small, circular pendant that had the initials SJY engraved on.
"I like you're necklace, do you really need reminding what your initials are?" You complimented and joked (to break the tension) just above a whisper, and as the words left your mouth, Jake's one hand reached up to to the jewelry and his other moved to hold your chin, gently, and raised your head so that you could look him, a breathy chuckle falling from his lips.
"Do you want it?" He asked, his tone more sincere than you’d ever heard it be before and that only caused your eyes to widen in surprise.
"What?" You breathed out. "Jake—"
"I'm serious, y/n," And he was and you knew that, which was why it made butterflies violently flap their wings in your stomach. "You can have it." Jake spoke as he unclasped the clasp once letting go of your face.
"Are you sure?" You asked, and only received your answer as the boy attached the necklace around your neck, allowing it to fall just above your cleavage.
Though, Jake's actions were sweet and made you want to do nothing but kiss him and spill your undying love to him, you still couldn't help but wonder what you were. You didn't want to live in the dark and constantly wonder.
You wanted to know.
You needed to know.
And now was the right time to ask...
"Jake," you anxiously began, reaching up to fiddle with the pendant. The Sim boys eyes trailed away from the necklace that was once his and up to your face, his eyes instantly meeting yours as he waited for you to continue.
He watched you whilst you nervously licked and chewed away your lips as your cheeks blushed pink and he almost heard your heart pounded so hard against your rib cage.
It was cute.
You were cute.
"What are we?"
The silence was loud. Very loud — almost deafening as you watched as Jake slowly lowered his head, his tongue escaping his mouth to nervously lick his lips whilst he remained quiet, avoiding eye contact with you at all costs.
Was this his answer? Was this Jake Sim's way of saying they weren't anything? Had you been stupid enough to think that maybe, just maybe, you and Jake could ever be something?
A scoff fell past your parted lips and you shook your head in a mix of anger and annoyance. How could you of been so stupid?
"Shit..." you frustratingly whispered to yourself while your hands quickly reached up and fiddled with the clasp of the necklace, attempting to desperately remove to jewelry from you.
You felt like a complete and total fool.
However, as you focused your attention on unlinking the dainty hooks with tears beginning to blur your vision, your movements were put to an end as soon as Jake placed his hand against the side of your warm face, lifting your head up so your eyes could meet, before confidently crashing his full, red lips against her ones.
It felt as if the air had been sucked from your body as your mouths collided. You were more than shocked by his actions and couldn't quite comprehend what was unraveling as you sat on the edge of the pool with the brunette boy stood between your legs — however, you knew you liked it.
You liked pressing your lips against his and enjoyed the feeling of butterflies flying around in your stomach. It felt so surreal kissing your brothers best friend. It felt wrong but so right at the same time, and you no longer cared if you’d have to deal with your brother's disapproval.
You were snatched from your trail of thoughts once the boy slowly pulled away, his head gently resting against your forehead as the sound of your heavy breathing consumed the back garden.
Neither of you uttered a word; your minds far too hazy for words to be able to jump from your tongues. It felt as if you were drunk off of one another (which you practically were), and as you both sat in silence, thinking about the events that occurred, Jake slowly brushed his thumb across your cheek, wiping away the tear that had (unknowingly) fallen.
"I wanna be with you so bad, y/n," The older boy breathed out, his eyes not leaving your ones. "So bad." He repeated, shaking his head ever so slightly as desperation seeped through his eyes.
All you could do was nod in acceptance as you brought your other hand up to delicately move a strand of his wet hair out of his face, fighting back a ear-to-ear grin that was threatening to show on your face.
"Okay." You agreed just above a whisper and without another thought, you and Jake hungrily clashed your lips together once again, craving the taste of one another.
It was almost as if you had been deprived of each other — which in a way, you had. You both didn't want to hurt Jay's feelings, and so you restricted themselves from one another no matter how bad you wanted to be in each other's arms.
You both felt amazing; like you were on top of the world as Jake's tongue softly, yet hungrily, brushed against your bottom lip as a way of asking for entrance.
The action caused your heart to race with nerves and even though you wanted this so bad, you still hesitantly parted your lips, allowing his tongue to enter your mouth. Never in your life had you ever kissed someone before, let alone made out with somebody at your families holiday home — though, you were happy you were experiencing your firsts with Jake Sim because after all, he was (and always will be) your first love.
You could feel his hands unhurriedly depart from your face and his arms snake around your waist, Jake instantly pulling your dry body against his damp one, and he was gentle — so gentle.
It was clear that he didn't want to hurt you as his hands explored your waist, his thumb stroking the side of your stomach ever so slightly, before he slowly retreated back into the pool (hesitantly parting your lips in the midst of doing so).
His eyes were glued to you the whole time he looked up at you in awe whilst helping you into the water and assisting you with wrapping your legs around his body before you continued your steamy make out; subtly grinding your crotch against his hardening one, releasing low groans from Jake’s mouth and into your mouth.
You were closer than ever now.
Body to body.
Lips to lips.
That was all you needed.
You were both all you needed.
And so, as the night got older and the sun began to rise, you and Jake Sim remained in the (now cold) pool with their limbs tangled, your lips interlocked and your crotchets grinding against one another, wishing the moment would never end.
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"Y/n!" Your brother yelled out to you, frustratedly. "Are you even listening?" He questioned you, running a hand through his dyed hair.
"Huh?" You asked, looking up from your lap and at the boy that stood before you in the living room. The memories of last nights canoodling with Jake flooding your mind and muffling out Jay's words.
You still couldn't get over the sensation of the Sim boys lips against yours and the memory of his hands exploring your body made your latently clench your legs together and your stomach churn as your subconsciously reached up to play with the pendant — his pendant — around your neck and a tiny blush creeped upon your full cheeks.
"Are you high?" Jay interrogated, narrowing his eyes down at you to inspect your features, desperate to know the cause for your lack of attention.
"What?" You spat, looking up at your brother with creased eyebrows filled with confusion. "What are you even on about?"
"You're not listening to me." He explained and you sighed, muttering an apology beneath your breath as you waited for the boy to speak once again.
However, before he got the chance to, Niki, Sunghoon and him — Jake Sim — entered the living area, immediately gaining your attention as you watched as the two boys sat on the sofa across from you — Jake's eyes lingering on you as his lip found its way between his teeth.
"What I was trying to say was," Jay scoffed in annoyance, rolling his eyes at you and glancing over at the youngest and his two best friends to engage them in the conversation. "Heeseung's throwing an end of Summer party tonight."
"Nice." Jake grinned widely as he sat up on the chair, him and your brother dabbing one another up.
It was then, that it finally dawned on you that you would no longer be able to see Jake Sim (and your brother, of course - and Sunghoon) everyday. They would go back to their lives in Australia, and you’d go back to hers in in Seoul and you weren’t so sure how to feel about that.
"Whatever happens tonight, just remember to have fun," Jay shrugged as he, Sunghoon and Jake stood up after deciding to head to the convenience store to buy alcohol for the party. "It's our last night here and all together, it's the least we can do." He chuckled and playfully patted you on the head, making you groan and move away from him.
"Whatever you say, Jay." You rolled your eyes, already knowing he wouldn't stick to his word and end up being the overprotective brother he is all of the time.
And yet, it seemed that you were wrong — very wrong. 
Earlier on, when getting ready for Heeseung's end of Summer party, you were dreading it and even considered not going, debating on making up some lie to tell the boys that your period had started and that you felt sick.
The constant worry that your brother would follow you around like a fly and taking the 'overprotective brother' role far too seriously just made your shoulders slump and your eyes roll. You’d been to many house parties with him before in the past and even then he was always making sure you were okay and restricting your freedom.
It wasn't that you weren’t grateful to have someone care for you as much as he did, it only made you feel awful. You felt as if you were depriving Jay from enjoying himself to the full extent — so, when the group pulled up to the car-filled street and Jay told Jake and Sunghoon to keep a slight eye on you before being pulled away by a random girl, you couldn't help but feel relieved and shocked.
"Come on," you just about heard your best friend yell out to you over the music. "Let's go get drinks." He suggested, before you nodded your head in agreement and you weaved your way past plenty of intoxicated people.
Lee Heeseung's house was packed to the brim, flooding with people of all different ages, genders and races. The strong mix of scents of all kinds of alcoholic liquids and drugs were imprinted within the homes walls and carpets, and the loud, blaring sound of Heeseung's Spotify playlist boomed through the speakers that were nailed to the creme coloured walls. Disco lights danced through the rooms, brightly beaming through the windows and lighting up the front lawn, where some people sat around, taking gradual sips from the concoction in their red plastic cups. There were some people scattered out the back garden also, standing hazardously close to the lit up pool, just waiting to fall in.
It was rather easy to lose one another within the cramped home, and so that was why you kept a tight grip on the back of Niki's black, loosely fitted button up shirt, worried you’d lose your best friend in the flock of bodies. 
Once arriving at the station of drinks, your face immediately grimaced at the sight of the display of alcohol. It was quicker than ever that flashbacks from the last time you attended one of Heeseung's infamous parties appeared in your mind, and a wave of embarrassment consumed your body, causing your cheeks to tint pink as you remembered the drunken state you’d gotten herself into. 
You were most definitely not getting wasted tonight. 
After taking a small sip of the Gin and Tonic Niki eventually poured for you, the boy soon dismissed himself when a he was pulled away by a flirtatious looking girl, which only made you chuckle at his surprise expression.
"What's a pretty girl like you doing here alone?" You heard a rather familiar voice question whilst you took a gulp from your drink.
Looking up, your eyes widened slightly at the sight of the tall boy before you. His small, dark eyes met your ones and you were instantly reminded of the times you had crushed on him — Sung Hanbin — when you were just eight years old. 
Within the Park family, it was once a running joke that you were madly in love with the older boy and that you’d end up marrying one another when you were older — however, that quickly fizzled out when Hanbin stopped returning to Jeju Island one summer and became a distant memory. 
It was weird seeing him in front of you after so many years of him being MIA and you couldn't help but feel even more awkward as you stiffed out a laugh. It had been quite a while since you last spoke — the last conversation you had, Hanbin promised you’d continue your annual summer bike rides the following year (which never ended up happening).
"Hanbin?" You quietly spoke his name in surprise. "What're you doing back in Jeju? I thought you outgrew the area six years ago..." you half heartedly joked, taking another sip from your red cup as a way of filling the awkwardness between you. 
A small laugh escaped the boys thin lips and he lowered his head ever so slightly and took a few steps towards you, habitually fixing his zip up jacket. "I guess I got bored of visiting my Grandmother the past six years," He simply shrugged, biting his bottom lip and brining his hand up to move a strand of hair out of your face. "And I guess you could say I also missed our bike rides."
It appeared that you had yet to realise how close the older boy was stood in front of you as you made no signs of backing away — however, your close proximity didn't go unnoticed by the boy who had his back leaning against the door frame of the kitchen, glaring daggers at the two of you.
"Jay said to keep a slight eye on her," Park Sunghoon pointed out, glancing between you and Jake. "Not burn holes into her." He huffed out in annoyance, swilling the liquid around in his cup out of boredom. 
"So?" Jake shrugged, adverting his attention to the taller boy in front of him. "I don't know who this dude is — he could be some weird pervert and I don't want her getting hurt by him." He explained, his tone filled with protectiveness and predatory, which only made Sunghoon's brows crease with confusion. 
"Because Jay would be up my ass about it, obviously." The Sim boy quickly cleared up, standing up straight as he threw his empty cup into the trash bin, a hint of panic racing through his body at the thought of his and your relationship being found out. 
"Whatever dude," Sunghoon shook his head, a quiet, breathy chuckle falling past his red lips. "Just try and wipe the possessive look off your face before speaking to Jay about his sister, alright." He stated, though at the same time the words left his mouth, Hanbin had rested a hand on your waist (visibly making you uncomfortable which Jake took notice of).
"Yeah, whatever, man." Jake nodded his head with furrowed brows and a clenched jaw as he soon began to make his way over to you both - irritation and displeasure filling his body. 
"Leave her alone." The boy stated loud enough so that he could be heard once making it over to you two. It felt as if a ton of bricks had been taken off of your shoulders as soon as Jake interrupted you and Hanbin's 'moment' and you could't be more grateful.
You knew you should of just told the Sung boy that you weren’t interested in him like that, however it seemed he had you in a suffocating chokehold, leaving you no room to but in as his hands latched onto your body and he towered over you like a giant. 
"And who are you exactly?" Hanbin squinted his eyes in a mixture of annoyance and confusion as he let his cold hand rest on you — which Jake had been eyeing the entire time, making him bite his bottom lip in anger. 
"None of your business," Jake revealed, shaking his head slightly and taking another step forward so that he could take hold of your hand and gently pull you away from the situation, however it wasn't that easy. "We're leaving, come on, y/n." 
"Bro, does she look like she wants to leave?" Hanbin asked, nodding his head towards you, who was chewing your bottom lip whilst he moved his hand from your waist and up to take hold of your other hand. 
The Sim boy narrowed his eyes at the taller boy and couldn't help but feel dumbfounded by his reply. It was obvious you were uncomfortable and didn't want to be there, so he couldn't quite understand how Hanbin couldn't grasp that. 
"Yeah, she does." He deadpanned with the nod of his head, a sarcastic scoff escaping his slightly parted lips as he licked them.
"Just leave us alone bro, we were fine before you became such a bother." Hanbin rolled his eyes. "Quit being a cockblock and hop off my dick." He declared and turned his attention back to you, who had an expression filled with disgust spread across your features. 
"Listen, Hanbin," you went to speak up, planning on rejecting him nicely, however before you got the chance to finish your sentence, Jake had turned the eldest back around in fury, and before anyone knew it, a hard hitting punch was thrown across Sung Hanbin's face. 
Chaotic yells erupted in the kitchen as Jake's fist collided with the side of Hanbin's face, the Sim boys actions being a shock to not only Hanbin himself, but also everyone else.
Nobody had expected Jake to get into yet another fight at a party this summer, and so when their attention was grabbed when the boy threw another hit, gasps accentuated throughout the home.
Hanbin, being quick to retaliate, threw a hit back, fury spread across his features as he grabbed Jake by the collar of his t-shirt.
Your eyes widened in frenzy and you took a few steps back, unsure what to do in a situation like this. Usually, your brother would be around to prevent the fight from getting any worse, however as time went on and more and more blood leaked from both of the boys, it felt as if Jay was never going to show up and save the day.
"Jake!" You panicked and you went to take a step forward, panic bubbling in your stomach — which made her want to puke — though, just as you were about to reach out to the boy that now had a firm grip on Hanbin's jacket, you were quickly yanked back by a firm grip on your wrist.
"Are you stupid?!" You heard your brother shout over the loud music, and instantly you felt your body relax. "What the fuck happened?" Jay asked, but he didn't leave a chance for you to answer as he'd already hurried to the two boys — Sunghoon and Niki hot on his tail — to try and depart them from one another.
It felt like an eternity for Jake and Hanbin to finally be pulled apart, and as soon as you watched the Sung boy step back to where his friends were stood, you scurried over to the chaos, your bottom lip tightly tucked between your teeth as anxiety ran through your veins.
You could feel your heartbeat race as fast as ever once your brown eyes landed on Jake and you couldn't help sigh.
His nose had a few slithers of blood dripping from it and his bottom lip was completely busted, along with his red eye that was bound to bruise sooner or later.
You wanted nothing more than to engulf him in a tight hug, lecture him about his actions and take care of him, but with your brother standing only inches away, you knew you couldn't do anything. It was like you were in chains and couldn't get free.
"What happened?" Jay asked, looking away from his best friend and over to Hanbin, who was busy groaning in pain with his friends, Matthew and Jiwoong surrounding him.
"You tell me," He scoffed, rolling his eyes as he sent Jake a fierce glare. If looks could kill... "This psychotic bitch swung for me just because I was talking to your sister." Hanbin explained in annoyance.
You had drowned out the rest of Jay and Hanbin's conversation, far too concerned for the boy beside you — who had now subtly placed his hand on your waist.
He too, wanted nothing more than to escape the situation and be alone with you, and so, he let out a hiss of pain as he licked his bottom lip habitually and turned his head to look down at you.
"Let's go." He stated firmly, his eyes darkening as they narrowed down to you, leaving you speechless. It was as if you were in a trance and under his spell, because all you did was nod in agreement before allowing him to take you away, ignoring Sunghoon's knowing look and Jay's glance of confusion.
After pushing yourselves through the swarms of bodies (your hands still being interlocked), the cold air outside hit you, instantly making goosebumps form on your skin — though neither of you seemed to care. That was the least of your worries.
"Where are we going?" You quietly asked as you looked up at the boy, whose jaw was still clenched and his body remained tense as he led the way.
"I don't know..." Jake answered just above a whisper, afraid that if he spoke normally, the fury he was feeling would be revealed even more than it already was, and you would take it the wrong way — thinking he was mad at you.
Which he wasn't. He could never be mad at you.
Eventually, after a little over five minutes of walking with an unknown destination, you found yourselves at the beach, sitting next to each other ever so closely — your thighs rubbing against each others, and your arm linked with Jake's and you rested your head on his shoulder.
The view before you was beautiful. The light waves brushed against one another as the soft breeze blew in the wind. The lights from other islands in the distance were glowing brightly and a few shining stars decorated the pitch black sky. It was silent on the beach, not another human in sight. The only sound that could be heard was the water caressing the damp sand, making a sense of calmness take over you both; easing Jake's emotions.
"I can't believe tonight's our last night." You sadly sighed, feeling your shoulders drop as your eyes remained on the sight before you. The boy beside you stayed silent whilst he slightly nodded his head in agreement — his mind still playing out the scenes from earlier.
"I didn't like how he was touching you, y/n..." Jake lowly spoke, breaking the comfortable and tension filled silence between you.
His voice was quiet, yet his tone made his emotions loud and clear.
All you could do was raise your head from his shoulder and look up at him, your eyes softer than ever as he slowly moved his head to look down at you with his eyes glassy and glimmering against the lights around you. His injuries were no longer as noticeable and you couldn't help but feel your heart go pitter-patter against your chest.
Despite being in such an open area, the air between you felt stuffy and suffocating as your eyes met. Your throat felt tight and you subconsciously bit down on your lip, nervously.
"You're mine, y/n." Jake stated unwaveringly, his clenched jaw showing just how serious he was. "Not Hanbin's or anybody elses. They don't get to touch you like that..." The boy paused for a moment before he eyes unhurriedly trailed down to your lips, where he felt his heart ache with need.
"Only I do."
You sat with her mouth slightly parted, amazed at the boys words. They made your stomach churn and it felt as if caterpillars were finally hatching from their cocoons and flapping their wings rapidly as you subconsciously squeezed your legs together.
His jealousy made you feel things you’d never felt before.
His jealousy made you want to do things you’ve never done before.
Without another thought, you placed your warm hand on the side of his face and pulled him down to you so that you were only inches away from having your lips touch.
You’d kissed before, however for some unknown reason, this time felt different. There was a lot more need and sexual tension surrounding you, that you felt as if you’d lose control as soon as your lips touch.
And so, after a short moment of pained silence, you and Jake crashed your lips together, desperate for one another. You wanted each other so bad that you could no longer contain it. You didn't care if you were on a public beach and that Jay could show up at any moment and catch you, pull you apart, and demand that you stopped seeing each other. You liked each other too much to be able to do that.
It wasn't until a hiss fell from Jake's lips that you pulled away, worry taking over your features as you inspected his face. "I'm sorry," you whispered out, reaching up to delicately caress his injured lip.
"It's okay," Jake quietly reassured, shaking his head as he took hold of your hand that was touching his face. "I don't care about the pain... I just want you." He said, before reaching down to grab hold of your leg to pull you up, so that you could sit on his lap.
A chuckle escaped your lips at the sudden movement, however before any words could leave your mouth, the boy had reached back up and connected your lips again — this time it was a lot more messy.
You could feel his tip of his tongue licking at your bottom lip, desperate for entrance and you gladly gave it to him, parting your lips ever so slightly so that the muscle could explore your mouth.
You could feel his hands roughly, yet also gently, roam your body, touching over your waist, grazing your breasts, squeezing your hips and guiding them to rock against his crotch.
His actions caused a soft moan to fall from your mouth and into his, making him smirk into the kiss and roll your heat into him harder.
Instantly, as the pressure of his hard on nudged your clothed, untouched clit, you couldn’t help but detach your lips and throw your head back as a gasp flew past your lips and your hands landed on his shoulders.
“Jake…” You whimpered whilst the boy took the opportunity to attack your exposed neck with his mouth, sucking and biting it like it would be his final meal.
By now, Jake no longer had to guide you as you’d quite quickly got the hang of the sinful action and began cantering your hips into him; your arousal dampening your panties and seeping through them onto the older boys trousers.
“God,” Jake breathed out as he pulled away from your skin and attached his eyes to what you were doing, which only made a groan pass his parted lips before he shook his head in awe.
Without another word, the Sim boy swiftly flipped you over so that you were now laying beneath him on the sand with him laying between your parted legs.
Taking over your previous movement, Jake soon started to desperately grind his clothed cock into your heat, the empty beach soon filling with the sounds of your heavy breathing as you hugged the boy close to you.
It felt as if you were in a cloud of pleasure and your mind was completely fogged over as you felt your insides clench and your bottom lip find it’s way between your teeth.
Was this normal?
You thought you could only ever feel such intense pleasure from sex, not dry humping…
Suddenly, an uncontrollable gasp escaped your mouth and your eyes squinted shut as your high consumed your body, making your legs tremble and your tummy muscles clench as you came in your panties; Jake following suit whilst he lowly groaned.
“Fuck,” The boy huffed out as he kneeled upright to look down at you as his fingertips mindlessly stroked your exposed thighs. “That was so hot.”
Just the thought of you cumming from nothing but a bit of dry humping was enough the make the blood gush through his cock once again and he quickly ran a hand through his hair.
“You’re amazing, y/n,” He praised and leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead. “You’re so perfect.” Jake complimented and rubbed a few droplets of sweat from your head, making you smile a slightly dazed smile up at him.
It was then, in that moment, as Jake praised you and showered you in kisses as you came down from your high, that you both realized just how in love you were with each other.
───────────
You woke up the next morning with a heavy heart and your shoulders slumped; the feeling of loath streaming through your body. You really did not want to go through with what was about to come.
You didn't want to say goodbye to Jake, not now, not ever.
You could still feel the boys delicate hands roaming your body as you got ready for the day, brushing your hair whilst the image of his lust filled eyes looking up at her as you ground your hips on his lap appeared in your mind, making your stomach swirl.
Standing in front of the mirror, you felt your breathing hitch as you traced your warm fingertips over the purple marks he’d left on your collarbones.
Just the thought of Jake's soft, plump lips against your smooth skin had you going into a frenzy and made your head blur as you remembered the quiet groans that would escape his mouth as he bruised your skin.
"Y/n! Hurry up!" Your brother's voice calling out to you abruptly disturbed your thoughts, causing you to quickly snatch your hand away from the hem of your pajama shorts and a panicked breath to leave your mouth as your eyes widened and your cheeks burned red. Embarrassed at what your hand was subconsciously doing and alarmed at the mere thought of missing Jay, Sunghoon and Jake's departure.
"I'm coming!" You screamed back down to your brother, rolling your eyes at the sound of his moaning and groaning about you always taking forever filled your ears.
Huffing to yourself, you hurriedly stripped from your night clothes and got into a pair of shorts that you were sure would be comfortable for the long journey home and a simple, orange flannel that you’d stolen from Jake a few years ago when he'd left it in the family living room after sleeping over. The boy hadn't asked for it back yet, and so you didn't see a problem with having it at all.
Once you’d finished cleaning your face, you quickly picked up your dirty laundry and shoved it into your backpack, not caring if it was folded or not. You could deal with it later on when you returned home because right now, you didn't care. All you cared about was seeing Jake for one last time before the Winter break.
"Finally." Jay loudly huffed once you had made it downstairs, your backpack clinging to your shoulders. All you could do was roll your eyes at your brother and head into the kitchen to grab something for you and Niki to eat for the car ride.
"The car is all packed, so we can head home now." The Park siblings father announced as he poked his head through the front door the inform the five of you, to which you nodded in acknowledgment and soon left the holiday home.
"It was nice meeting you, even if we didn't speak much." You smiled widely and a chuckle fell from your lips as you looked up at Park Sunghoon, who had a firm grip on the strap of his bag and his other hand tucked in his jean pocket and a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.
"Yeah, and it's safe to say that the allegations of you being an 'Annoying Younger Sister' are false." Sunghoon laughed, pulling you in for a quick hug before pulling away and looking down at you with a mischievous glint in his eye. "And whatever's going on with you and Jake, be careful around Jay. He already thinks you've got some secret boyfriend because you rejected Sung Hanbin."
Instantly, your eyes widened slightly in shock — shocked because the thought of Jay slowly catching onto what was going on between his best friend and sister panicked you, and because Sunghoon knew there was something happening between them.
"Don't worry, your secrets safe with me." Sunghoon quickly reassured you before being beckoned away by your mother, who was desperate for a hug from 'the son she should of had.'
"The flannel looks good on you." You heard his voice softly speak out from behind you, making your heart skip a beat as you hurriedly spun around on your heel, a wide grin on your lips as you looked ahead at Jake Sim.
He was wearing a striped, long sleeved polo shirt that was white and navy and a pair of denim jeans along with black and white converse. His outfit was simple, yet he still managed to make it look ten times more attractive than it would've looked on any other person.
"Oh," you stuttered out, glancing down at the flannel and then back up at him, your cheeks now tinted red. Despite going as far as second base — pretty much third — you still managed to get flustered just being under his strong, appealing gaze. "Thanks..."
A chuckle broke past Jake's plump lips as his hands instantly attached themselves to your hips, pulling your body against his as a way of bringing you in for a hug. Your own arms instinctively wrapping around his neck, bringing him down closer to you, making his face muzzle into the crook of your neck and his arms circle your waist; his thumb gently brushing against the skin that had been exposed due to the flannel hiking up.
"I'll miss you." The older boy whispered into your hair and his warm breath softly hit your neck, causing goosebumps to attack your skin and your stomach to spin with nerves and excitement.
"I'll miss you, too." You quietly said back as you pulled him even closer to you, afraid he'd disappear at any moment — which in a way, he was.
Once you had both had pulled away from one another and shared glances over at Jay, who was busy messing around with Niki and Sunghoon, Jake hurriedly placed his hand on the side of your face and leaned down, pressing his delicate lips against your own.
And even though it was quick and chased and left you both wanting more, the strong feelings you felt for one another were still apparent, and as Jake stared down into your dark eyes, he parted his lips, ready for the three words he desperately wanted to get off of his chest to be released into the world.
"Ew, go away, Jake." Jay scoffed, his voice filled with disgust as he made his way over to the two of you, disturbing your moment and halting Jake's next actions. "And quit looking at my sister like you want to kiss her, you freak. It's weird."
A muffled chuckle left your mouths as you awkwardly took a step away from one another.
"See you around, y/n." Jake waved, his lips tightly pressed together a he walked away from the siblings, subtly winking at you behind Jay's back, making you do everything you could to hold back an even more prominent blush and a giggle.
"Don't get into trouble when I'm gone." Jay warned, sternly, looking down at you with a raised brow, making you roll your eyes and release a groan.
"I didn't get in trouble before, so I think I'll be perfectly fine, Jay." You huffed out, folding your arms across your chest.
"Whatever, I'm just warning you because you're going into your last year of high school, that's all." He explained, before reaching out and forcing you into a hug, which only caused you to break out of the tough character you were attempting to portray and fling your arms around his waist.
"When I come back for Winter break, I'm going to throw a party and this time you're allowed to join." Jay told you as they pulled apart, him roughing up your hair in a playful manner.
Your eyes lit up at the boys words and you couldn't help but let out a happy sigh. Previously, whenever Jay would host a party at your home when your parents would go out of town, he'd always make you hide away upstairs in your bedroom, so hearing that you’d actually be able to join in made you feel a sense of accomplishment.
You were finally cool enough to hang out with your older brother at his party.
Eventually, when all the goodbyes were said and long hugs were shared and Jay, Jake and Sunghoon climbed into the eldest's car, you sadly smiled as you watched as the vehicle slowly began to drive away from the home, Jake hanging out the window and waving to the family.
Once the car had officially vanished and your shoulders had slumped, you and Niki, along with your parents got into the other vehicle, ready to finally head home.
"Do you think I'm stupid?" Niki's low, deep voice questioned, making you snatch your attention away from the scenery outside the window and look over at the boy who'd decided to sit in the middle seat beside you.
"Hm?" You furrowed your brows in confusion, removing the AirPod that you and the Nishimura boy were listening to music through together.
"You and Jake.”
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there will be a part two to this which will be much shorter, tumblr js decided to be stupid and stop me at a certain word count idk lmao
i hope you enjoyed this & my apologies for it being long lol
DON’T FORGET TO REBLOG :)
@ criminalyun 2024.
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plutonianeris · 2 years
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a message from 13 year old you ‧₊˚✩彡 [letter] 💓🍬
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this is a general reading. take what resonates and leave what doesn't. scroll through the images & choose based on your inner guidance and gut feeling. ⛓️ *・῾ ᵎ⌇ ⁺◦ if you feel guided to: tip jar💘 ✧.*
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Pile one ‧₊˚✩彡
"what did I tell you? I always knew it would work out in the end. I was always knew the pain wasn't going to last forever. It hurt to be treated that way by the people closest to me, especially the women in my life. there was always so much confusion growing up. people would say pretty things but there body language would show something else. I felt caged in my connections. But I always had some faith. I always had a feeling that the universe was watching out for me... for us. that it was sending us signs. that eventually I would be able to enjoy life to the fullest without feeling guilty for it. without feeling like I had to compare myself to the versions of me that they wanted me to be. I hope you know now that those versions don't exist. that we weren't born to be dolls for other people to dress up and control and shove words and opinions in their mouth and to gargle and spit back up. I doubted my intellgience so much.. underestimated my creativity. but looking at you now.. looking at us... I feel so proud. dont forget about me please! I always believed in you. even on those days where you couldnt stand to look in the mirror. I was on your side this whole time, its just that sometimes you werent listening. But now looking at you, you are everything I ever wanted to be. Im so glad I didnt give up. You deserve it all. the world. your dreams. im rooting for you. heres to more blessings and abundance."
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Pile two ‧₊˚✩彡
"remember the way everyone would make fun of us for the weird things we did? Our odd expressions and the questions we asked and how we laughed out loud and our desire to see the world. how it always labeled as silly. I know it had made us dull our self expression for a little while. How we forced ourselves to shrink down, to fake laugh to the mean comments, or "oh this? not a big deal" or "its not that good.." so many of those... just to blend in better with our friends and family at the time. to make them like us. to see if that would make them stop criticizing so damn much. I hope we no longer are letting comments like that slide. I hope we dress like the way we always wanted to in our head but were to afraid to wear out. I hope we didn't let the world extinguish our playful nature. life felt like heartbreak after another. what do you know about love? youre just a kid. they deformed the way we saw it for a long time. but not anymore. It makes me emotional.. the way you never let go my hand. and how you always carried me along with you in your heart. Of course, now you call me your inner child. Or I guess inner teen. Ha, inner tween. Thank you for always being my friend. I see now that you are always what I was meant to be. Out of all the stars in the sky, we shine the brightest, you and me."
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Pile three ‧₊˚✩彡
"you are so beautiful... wow we really are so different now. But I still see hints of me in you. in your smirk and your mischievous laugh and in your questioning glances and sharp stare when someone gets a little bit too close to our personal space. I admire the way your presence can make someone nervously glance away. I use to feel so powerless.. so many things I did to try to gain some control, even if it meant hurting myself and pushing away the people I love. I love how vulnerable you are. I really did see it as a weakness but looking at you now, it makes me realize how brave you are. of putting yourself out there despite the uncertainty. of taking that chance even if could end up badly. even if you could end up with a broken heart it seems like you no longer find sastification in staying in the darkness. I understand, its.. well, lonely... being alone. Do you think you could take me with you? That part of you... that is still afraid. do you think you could tell me? tell me that I am not broken or incomplete that there is nothing wrong with me. that I am not the worst thing that has ever happened to me or will happen to me. Reassure me? Tell me that some things we have to do even when we are afraid. that its terrifying and nerve wracking and makes our palms sweat. but then once we do it, it's glorious, it's liberating, it's everything we have ever dreamed of and more. I see it now. Take me with you. Do you see me? I see you. The way you look at the world and want to devour it. I see you now, with a crown atop your head. how you wear it so gracefully..."
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Pile four ‧₊˚✩彡
"So many times.... I was so close to giving up. to listening to that little voice in my head that kept telling me over and over again that there was no point. that the feeling and the ache in my chest would last forever. that it was always going to be me versus the world. me versus me. that everything around me would always be dull and gray and that I would always be blue. I doubted my self-worth so much. It was practically non-existent. I still do in some ways now when I pop up and invalidate the way you feel, shrugging my shoulders wondering if maybe we are actually deserving of this happiness... of this success. it feels foreign. like its not really mine.. well, ours. We're not in a really good situation right now and my parents are trying to hide things from me that im just too big now to pretend not to notice. they don't make me feel that protected anymore. and that hurts me a lot. whose gonna take care of me now? Im so glad youre here now. Im so glad we got to grow up and that we survived. and im so glad that now that we survive we can actually live. Thank you for reminding that we can let go now. that theres no room for a pity party anymore. thank you for letting me know that your'e not going to leave me behind. thank you for keeping my memory alive. thank you for looking back at me with kind and loving eyes. but most of all, thank you for fighting for me. I know I can easily lie and say "everything is fine" but thank you for showing me that it eventually it is. thank you proving to me that eventually I will say its fine. its okay. its great even. and that I, that we, actually mean it."
© plutonianeris
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juniesfairies · 4 months
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Thinking about two gay characters in Disco Elysium again…while smoker is underground as a part of the homosexual underground, which if that isn’t something Harry made up and is an actual term, then yes they have to be underground to enjoy life to its fullest. Ruby is underground as a fugitive, literally underneath the Feld building, but also the homosexual underground. Ruby’s lesbianism and current predicament are so intertwined to me. Like of course everyone in Martinaise wants to pin the murder on the predatory butch. The mean nasty dyke has to fend for herself, foraging scraps to make machines and smoke cigarettes. Smoker and ruby are at two ends of a distinct neural and physical pathway carved out by identity and ideology that have surely crossed by now. Klaasje even smokes on a balcony. But smoker eventually stays. Ruby and Klaasje don’t. Regardless they are all underground in more ways than one.
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ishaslife · 1 year
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Astarion has been breaking my poor heart.
This post will contain spoilers for the game and Astarion's romance/backstory. Before anyone comes at me, I want to say that you are the main character, you are supposed to change the fates and behaviours of your characters, especially if you are romancing them. It's a video game, that's kind of the point.
This post is extremely long and I apologise.
This analysis is based off my playthrough.
(*) means check notes at the bottom of the post.
I wasn't expecting to like him as much as I do. Don't get me wrong, I really liked him during EA and I thought he was funny, charming, flirty with a dark past and all that was just a means to cover his trauma but since the full game has come out and we've gotten to know more of him, it truly breaks my heart to see and know what he has been through. My sister and I were watching his reactions to be being rejected, being told that Tav only wants sex and forcing him to do things he doesn't want to do, it is truly heart-wrenching.
Many people expected Astarion to be this "I am so sexual and my romance will mostly be sex, also I will betray you the first chance I get." and it couldn't be further from the truth. Astarion is extremely loyal, and yes he has that air of flambouncy to him, will often make japes and say evil things but most of the time, it is just a facade. It's his shield in a way, he has been treated with utter cruelty for two hundred years of his life and now that he finally has some control over himself, he doesn't wish to be hurt again.
I don't think Astarion is ever completely evil, even in the beginning. He just wants to have fun and enjoy life after so many years of slavery. He likes it when you are snarky, say mean shit to people for fun but, he doesn't like to see innocents get hurt, and he doesn't support fighting for people who don't fight for themselves. Yes, he will support some of your evil decisions but they will lead to a bad ending, for you and your characters. It'll make Astarion wallow more in his greed and he'll lose the little humanity he has left. He doesn't really have a clear sense of direction in the beginning of the game as he's just found freedom and obviously wants to live life to the fullest, being evil comes naturally to him, it's instinct as its what he's been doing for two centuries.
This is my assumption since we don't know his actual age but since he's an elf who was well-respected in society, had a pretty prestigious job and was rich enough to be corrupt. I'd assume he was at least 70-100 years old before he was turned into a spawn. (EDIT - in a recent post by @deluxetrashqueen I saw the translation of the dates of birth and death on his tombstone:
"Astarion Ancunin
229-268 DR" to which he adds, "458DR - "
which shows that he was only 39 at the time of his death, which explains his emotional immaturity for an elf.) My point being, I believe he has been a spawn for longer than he's ever been a regular person. He has spent the longer part of his life doing evil things for an evil man, that was what his life was on a daily basis with Cazador. And his former work experience probably helped, he likely learnt pretty quick how much he took for granted as a living person and the harshness of his master, peers and people he seduced made him harsh and unforgiving in return.
Once you start getting close to him, you start to learn that he is only mean to people because of how life has treated him. In his romance, he says "no one ever looked out for me, no one ever said a kind word to me. You're the only one, no one is like that." Astarion starts to see, because of you that there is kindness in the world, and he finds kindness in you. Especially after his quest, as much as he'd hate to admit it, he also sees friends in your other companions as they do in him. By the end of Act 2, he starts to get more soft towards you and the decisions you make, often even disapproving of evil decisions. People often tend to forget that a lot of Astarion's evil personality is a front, it is not who he truly is.
These points will be better explained individually so I will talk about some themes.
Power: power plays a big part in his entire storyline. In the beginning, he wants to harness the powers of the tadpole to become powerful and at first, you think that it's simply because he's an evil character and he wants power for the sake of having it. Then later, he wishes to take over the power of the ascendant but mostly only to spite Cazador and take something important from him, not fully realising the true power of the rite.
As he slowly starts opening up to you, he tells you "the mind flayers tore me from that place" and you realise that its the tadpole that let's him walk in the sun, do things a vampire or spawn would never be able to, you learn that he hates being a vampire because he can't even remember what he looks like. He seeks power outside because he has had no power over himself for about two centuries, he thinks that having this power will fulfill his needs but it won't, we know it won't because in truth he only needs to reclaim his autonomy, physical and mental. Of course Astarion would never truly admit to this for a long while, even when he's romanced. I personally really love his good romance arc where he doesn't have sex with you, not because he dislikes you or doesn't want you but because, as he says "any kind of intimacy was something I performed to lure people back for him. While I know things between us are different... being with someone still feels tainted. It brings up all those feelings of disgust and loathing." He has spent 200 years or so bowing to Cazador's whims, done things to people he didn't want to do and I assume since it's heavily hinted at, were very sexual in nature. In a relationship, he simply wants to be seen as a person and I think that's really sad because that's how low the bar is for him.
In the ending of his quest, you can persuade him and tell him that going forth with the ritual won't set him free even if he thinks it will and I agree. If he's a slave to Cazador now, later he'd be a slave to power and greed. Just look at Cazador, despite being one of the most powerful beings in existence, he still wanted more power. That kind of greed and hunger never ends and Astarion would lose himself and who he has become while he was with us. Yes, it makes him walk in the sun again and do things a regular vampire can't but at what cost? 7,000 lives and his humanity. He would never be able to enjoy this "freedom" because he'll only strive to seek more power. In his ascendant ending, he becomes everything he's ever hated about Cazador, the cycle repeats itself, from Vellioth to Cazador and from Cazador to Astarion. And it will never end. Astarion even refuses to turn you into a vampire and wishes to keep you only as a spawn. With an insight check, you can learn that he thinks you're degrading yourself and he doesn't care. He now sees you as something to own, something to possess, not love. All his good qualities, wants and needs get twisted. Astarion truly only needs to feel like a person again but he doesn't fully realise this until you show it to him, through good deeds and actions, through simple acts of kindness. As he says in his "good" ending "I've been dead in the ground enough. It's time to try living again. With all that life has to offer."
Safety: Astarion wants to feel safe. He is so scared of being found by Cazador, he knows he's looking for him and the only thing giving him some form of safety from Cazador is the tadpole so of course he wants to harness its powers that is until he finds out it'll turn him into another kind of monster, a mind flayer. He doesn't wish to lose himself and his freedom again hence is vehemently against taking on the tadpole's powers but he doesn't stop you because that is of course, your decision to make. He says "if such power would please you, darling, I won't stop you. But do be careful, I want you to remain you." Now the only thing left that can properly give him his freedom is Cazador's death and he wants to kill him himself which I think is perfectly acceptable, Cazador deserves to die and if it is by Astarion's hands, all the better. But, in his romance, he makes it clear that he's doing it for safety, and he tells himself that he wants to take the power of the rite for safety as well because in truth, he is terrified of being powerless again. He does want revenge yes, but he also wants to keep you and himself safe from Cazador, even in the dungeon, if you run an insight check, the narrator tells you that he is losing his mind because of the power that's on offer and the smell of blood in the air. It's almost as if to say "he's losing his mind, please stop him before he forgets who he is." Astarion NEEDS your guidance*, eventually he even thanks you for 'saving him from himself.' In his good ending, he sees that in taking the power, he would be no better than Cazador and would become everything he's ever hated about him, and inflict on others what his former master inflicted on him, starting with you. His ascendant ending is honestly a very sad ending for his character, all that growth, change and development you bring to him throughout your journey just gone down the drain as he becomes an unfeeling, evil, narcissistic arsehole who only craves for more power. In his good ending, he will be safe, with you and with the friends he has made along the way. He is proud of himself and so is everyone else, it offers him a kind of friendship that's afforded to very few in the D&D world, especially a vampire/spawn whose very existence is hated. It is a bond based on trust, loyalty and to a degree, even love instead of fear like in the ascendant ending.
Abandonment and Fear: Astarion is driven by fear but he also knows facing Cazador is inevitable and something he needs to face rather than avoid. Even if he isn't outright seeking it (but he does seek it) I think he is braver than he likes to think and he definitely has some anti-hero traits. He likes the tadpole because it helped him get away from Cazador's authority and he enjoys bending others to his will since it makes him feel more powerful compared to how he's felt the past two centuries. But if you choose to not do the same, he doesn't really care. He doesn't except it of you nor is he disappointed (since he neither approves or disapproves. He only disapproves helping people who didn't ask or didn't want to be helped) he only gives a snarky comment or two about what he would've done instead and follows you anyway. He realises you're a good person. If you indulge too much however, I would argue that he agrees simply because he doesn't want you to turn against him. Perhaps he believes that you can turn on him and kill him as easily as you killed the tieflings or other innocents. He probably thinks it's easier to turn a good person evil than an evil person, good (tbh he wouldn't be entirely wrong.) And making bad choices does negatively affect his character of course but I just thought I'd put that out there as I think it's very likely for him to do so. He is definitely extremely paranoid, he hardly ever says how he truly feels out loud but when you break up with him (it's so heartbreaking omg) he says "I was beginning to think someone truly wanted me. I shouldn't have deluded myself." and "From the start, I was rather counting the hours until it was going to end. Midnight chimes, eh?" As heartbreaking as it is, the latter line shows how terrified he was of being abandoned or only be used for his body, he kept obessesively worrying that Tav would leave him after he bore his heart out to them. There's another bit of dialogue in Act 1 where he is trying his lines with you to get you to sleep with him a second time and you can say no which he is fine with but if you outright reject him there, meaning "I never want to see you like that again" he gets extremely sad: "Well, excuse me while I die of a broken heart. [slight chuckle] In all honesty, it's a shame. That time was special to me. I've gotten on my back 10,000 times or more and forgotten half of them. But you, I'll remember. [long pause] Have a fine evening... dear." Mind you, this is after you've only slept with him once. His dialogue makes it seem like he was already catching feelings for you, and not realising that himself until this happens. Seeing this made me realise that you're the first person he's slept with of his own volition, even if it was to seduce you. For the longest time, I think Astarion doesn't even want to believe you'll like him as something more than someone to sleep with, he hopes you might as his rejection line says so but astarion is nothing if not careful and well, paranoid.
That's why he's so shocked when you choose to not let him bite Araj at Moonrise even if it gave you something powerful in return. He sees that you chose his comfort over a genuinely useful commodity. Biting people or using his vampire, well, anything makes him extremely uncomfortable since it reminds him of things he needed to do for Cazador. If he bites her, it makes him feel like being a slave again, but bending to your will and wishes instead of his former master's. He realises he doesn't know how to say no. Which is another thing he says if you wish to pursue only a sexual relationship with him. He feels played.
Freedom: this is probably the main theme to his character arc. He wants to be free, not only from his master but also free to make right decisions and make decisions for himself, something he hasn't been able to do for years. This is why respecting his decision to not sleep with you is important to him, he doesn't feel comfortable being physically close to someone in a sexual way as it makes him doubt the person's true intentions and feelings and of course, makes him feel loathsome and disgusted with himself. He needs that time where you just connect as people to really see that you are in fact genuine and he wouldn't be hurt if he trusted you or gave you his heart. Towards the end of the game, he is still quite ruthless, but mostly only towards people who do wrong and are criminals. Astarion has a very strong set of ideals, he believes that people who do wrong deserve to die no matter the crime. I don't think this is entirely true, every crime deserves a different punishment but most criminals, those who do severe wrong and still get away with it, do deserve to die but this is just my opinion of course. He is ruthless towards bad people because that's how people have been to him, at least Cazador and I wouldn't be surprised if he was treated badly during his sexual encounters with strangers while working for him.
Why I think the Ascendant ending is a tragic ending for Astarion's character and for you.
I won't lie, there are some aspects of ascended Astarion that are pretty hot and I'm a sucker for (pun absolutely intended) powerful, gothic vampires but this ending comes at the cost of way too much. One simply being: Astarion isn't Astarion anymore. All his snarkiness, playful nature and strange innocence is gone. In his ascendant ending, that is, when he takes the power of the Rite of Ascension for himself by carving the same rune on Cazador's back that's on his own, Astarion loses himself. In D&D lore, full vampires are unfeeling, ruthless and have all their good traits twisted into something more malignant and evil. If Astarion loved you, that love turns into possession, if he cared for you, it turns into obsession. He doesn't truly care anymore... as a vampire, he is manipulating you and telling you things you want to hear instead of what he's actually feeling. He never truly got that moment of catharsis by killing Cazador as he does in his spawn ending. That simple bliss of killing the man that enslaved him and worse all these years; he never gets to experience that because he ends up using Cazador for the same power Cazador killed Vellioth for in the past, albeit worse. It's a never-ending cycle. And if he turns you into his spawn, you will go through the same fate Astarion went through and probably turn on him the same way he turned on Cazador. He has absolutely no sympathy for you or for anyone that is not him, in fact he feels almost disgusted by you because he thinks you're degrading yourself in front of him. There is a conversation between him and if you refuse to become his spawn, and I think it sums up his character perfectly as a vampire, it goes like this:
(choosing different options will have different dialogues but they more or less lead to him saying the same thing.)
ASTARION: Just so you know, I have everything I've ever wanted. Everything lies ahead. I can see my path to a waking dream. From the Crimson Palace, I will govern day and night. Create a city of spawn who bow before me, cast a fog over the world for my children.
TAV: But the Palace halls will be lonely.
ASTARION: You'll be lonelier than I. Very soon I will discover how to call my legions of wolves, become a sea of mist, run wrongside-up on roofs. [laughs] Everything vampires do best.
You could have, too. [sniggers] What a waste.
TAV: You don't really have anything at all.
ASTARION: I can take anything I want. I should've made you a spawn just to teach you that.
And there we have it, that last bit of dialogue shows how Astarion is now everything he hated about his own master. He is Cazador's literal and spiritual successor, he thinks you need to be punished for rejecting him. He doesn't feel for you anymore, at least not in a human way. He has become someone else entirely, for the worst. His drive for taking the power of the rite was to be able to walk in the sun again but as a full vampire, he wants to "dominate it (the world) until the sun melts and give ourselves over to the night."
Astarion NEEDS change, he needs to see that the world can be a kinder place than the one he's lived in this whole time. Just a bit of care and love with him goes a long way. In his spawn ending, he comes to realise that you gave him his life back even if it was as a spawn because that is true freedom. He is free from his master, and greed & power which was in the disguise of safety. He may never be able to walk in the sun, but he is free to make his own decisions that are driven by his choices. One of them being; wanting and loving you, living a full life with you, whatever that may entail.
If you went into the game thinking that Astarion will betray you no matter what then giving him the ascendant ending brings your fears to life. Astarion doesn't learn anything, by making him a full vampire, you basically tell him that he can only be powerful and worth something if he has super vampire powers, and in turn, you lose everything too. Astarion may have gained unparralled strength but now he has no need of you, you gave him everything he wanted and nothing he needed so now he can do whatever he wants with you because you are lesser than him, literally, he is much stronger than you are and his power will only grow as he discovers more of it. He tries to manipulate you into turning you into a spawn. A dialogue being:
TAV: After everything you went through with Cazador, you're going to make me a spawn?
ASTARION: Oh that was completely different, I'd never hurt you. I love you. That's what you've been waiting to hear, isn't it? That's what you want?
Which just shows you how he's only saying "I love you" because that's what you want to hear, so you agree to becoming his spawn. He doesn't mean it, it doesn't really have any feeling behind it whatsoever. And if he turns you into a spawn, you have basically lost everything. Because he is obsessive over you, he'll never let you go and since now he is properly evil, he likely won't turn you into a vampire either, even if he says he will.
This is just my take on the ending though, I think we can all agree the ascendant ending is the evil ending for his character, even if it is an ending you prefer. I'm not trying to hate on anyone who does like this ending, only stating that I think it is meant to be evil and I personally don't like it.
CONCLUSION
Once you get to truly know Astarion, he's a pretty decent guy. I can't speak much for people who didn't romance him, I'm not entirely sure how his non-romance route plays out. The good conclusion of his quest is so wholesome, where he says he feels "truly, honestly free" and tells you "you saved me from myself. This is a gift, you know, thank you. I won't forget it." getting full circle to the first time you let him bite you (the only time in my case.) It shows so much character development and pure joy in the way he thanks you (it doesn't need to be said but props to Neil Newbon for bringing the character to life.) He will always be a spawn and yet, he feels like "anything and everything is possible" because of you and the choices you made with him, you believed in him when he didn't believe in himself, you showed him that he is enough just the way he is and he doesn't need to become a full vampire to be strong and powerful. Astarion comes out of his finale, a much more positive person, who actually cares even if he won't show it and the best part is, he always keeps that tiny streak of evil and mischief within him. He hasn't lost sight of himself, he's just less spiteful now and feels free to actually enjoy life rather than constantly being scared of what might happen to him. He finds trust and happiness in you and it makes him happy that you find the same within him. You are his home and he hopes he is yours.
I understand that my analysis may not be perfect and my interpretation of the character may be different from someone else's but that's fine, he is a video game character that can be played so many ways and people can go around it however they like, interpret his character however they wish. This is just what I think.
NOTES
'Astarion needs your guidance.' - no, this is not gaslight-y. Astarion is a deeply troubled character and clearly finds it hard to differentiate between right and wrong. He often asks for your input and what you think by Act 2 which isn't a bad thing, he's asking for help and I think that shows how far he's come. In the final scene of his quest, he is overcome by the promise of power and the safety it would've provided which would've consumed him as it did Cazador, Astarion admits to this himself too later on once he can think clearly and is in a more positive mindset. There is nothing wrong with guiding your partner towards something that will eventually be better for their growth as a person in the long run.
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I just made myself a cup of a new tea, one from a set that a friend sent me. I was super curious to try it with and without milk in it, so after I take a sip without, I'm going to add milk to my tea.
That may seem like such an inane little story to post on a blog, unless you have an eating disorder. I'm sure many of you know what a big deal milk in tea can be, and what an important act of self-love it is.
It was poured into many of our ears, approaching teenhood in the mid-2000's, not to "drink our calories." For those of us whose restriction was weight-based, many of us practiced filling ourselves with water, with our coffee black and unsweetened whether that was how we liked it or not, and with tea that never contained milk.
Like many people who've struggled with binge eating and with restriction, I struggle with creating anxiety-inducing rules about when is okay to eat, especially if I'm between meals and worrying if I should allow myself a snack, or if it's okay to quench my thirst with anything other than water. This is especially true between meals. For some reason my brain has accepted the "extra" caloric intake as part of a meal, but still balks at the idea of introducing these things independently into non-meal parts of the day. I would like to note that my chronic illness and my body's reaction to food has also influenced this weird relationship between me and my favorite treats, such as a piece of candy, or a beverage that might happen to contain a greater-than-zero calorie count.
But tonight, before bed, I want to try this tea. And it sounds like one that'd be super tasty with milk, as it has cocoa powder and vanilla in the blend. So I let my tea cool in the room with me as I type this, telling myself that I can get up and go back for milk after I taste it.
Now I have gone to the kitchen.
Now I have poured in a splash of milk and tasted. It's soy milk, as regular milk sometimes hurts my stomach and I don't want my sleep to be disrupted. Due to my chronic illness, this is still something I have to think about, and I'll be honest, I hate it. Things like this make it so hard to tell myself I can let go of my food fears, because my brain knows that some of my food fears will turn out to have validity, and so what if they all do?
Now I have poured in another splash. Tasted.
Now I have poured in a third, much larger splash. Tasted.
Oh, this is it. This tea tastes like a warm dessert. But now it's too cool, so I need to microwave it back to its best heat. I used to not want to microwave my food. As a teen I heard a hippie say that microwaves destroy the nutrients in your food because the radiation breaks down their molecular structure. This is absolutely false. In fact, it's been disproven that microwaves break down nutrients any more than other methods of heating food, but for a long time I believed it. And even after I learned the truth, I still found it hard to convince myself it was okay to use microwaves for a very long time.
I have just finished my tea in my room. I took the time to identify that I wanted it. I took the time to truly taste it in several different ways, consider how I felt I wanted it and bring it to those specifications. It wasn't planned for any specific time or day, but I agreed to give myself this the way I wanted it anyway. I've been drinking my coffee with milk every morning, too. I actually like black coffee, but I like it better with milk. And I give myself things throughout the day that I enjoy, to enhance my experience of my existence. Life is hard, and it's okay to allow yourself, to the fullest extent you can, the small joys that bring you through the day.
I wanted to share this with you. I hope you don't feel the crushing weight of morality when staring at a bottle of regular soda and the sugar-free, when you wake up with your morning coffee, when your self-care regimen includes a cup of tea. I hope you practice actively giving yourself the love you need this week. And I hope you give it to yourself exactly the way you need it.
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heartofbusan · 4 days
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My live reactions of AYS's final (for now 😌) episode 💛💜
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Jimin really had a lot of input on the itineraries and restaurants. He should get a producing credit 🤧 : 'Keeper of JK's every want, need and desire in the form of food, accommodation and more 👀': Park Jimin
OH MY BABY Like Crazyyyy!!
They really are the top singers in Korea lmao. You sometimes forget it, with how normally weird they are.
The owners of the restaurant must have been thrilled to have them. #Blessed
The boyfriend shot!?!?!? YOUR HONOR! HE DID NOT deny nor refute the outright allegation!!
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Jungkook enjoys life to the fullest.
Also, Jk loves beer.
ESCUSE ME?!?!?!?
THEY GET FLIRTY WHEN DRUNK. DRUNK SHENANIGANS HAVE HAPPENED. I AM SURE OF IT.
Jungkook is such a good boy. You tell him to do something, and he does it. #obedient
JK's stomach makes all his life's decisions.
This hot tub scene is going to end me as a functioning member of society. WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLL
THIS SURE IS NICE
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THIGHS. NO NOTES.
COME ON BABY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!? WHAAST
Jimin doesn’t want to extend JKs suffering. So sweet!!
"That’s my Jungkook." Omg
"HONEY"
WTF IS HAPPENING, SHOULD I LEAVE THE ROOM
Baby reference no. 4852820 and counting.
-The more relaxed they are, the more they forget they're being filmed. The touches increase, and the fawning commences. Also, Jimin watching himself and seeing how he's presenting himself for the show is such an interesting occurrence. There's an interesting thought happening there as he becomes aware of it... Is he seeing and becoming aware of his layer of veneer as they were filming? He scaled it back for sure. He let more of his acute feelings through as the seasons progressed. I love that it became less like work for him.
-They are idiots! And I love them for it! The Jeon Park household is filled with laughter. And grunting ofc. Don't forget the copious amounts of grunting. I'm watching this at work and by God if someone walks in on me listening to this...I'll get called into HR 😃 #worthit
ONGOD JIMIN ON THE FLOOR LEGS SPREAD WHO APPROVED THIS MESSAGE?!?!
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Also: Jungkook loves cooking. Whomever is making fun of him for choosing to be in the kitchen is an idiot. Please always be happy JK!
Precedent. This show is setting it. Remember it well.
You realize that they have the means to travel like this all the time?!?! But they chose to take us with them? WE ARE BLESSED.
Jimin always finds a moment to connect, physically as well as emotionally. He'll never leave his man hanging on a joke.
BUT JUNGKOOK IS RIGHT THERE WITH HIM ON THE EQ SCALE..He sees Jimin fully, and he treats him gently and with tender care. Knowing Jimin is quiet because the trip is nearing its end😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
They deserve to live their lives without serving us. Without feeling like they need to show us, just because it makes us happy to see them happy. Then again, if this is them normalizing them as a unit and seeing them together, and if it serves them just as much as it does us. Well then I hope they keep up this exceptional excuse to make content. The hate will always be there. The shippers too.
But what will never change is the commitment they have towards each other. They really do complete one another *bawling*
I loved this episode! It was so relaxed and paired back. They really are a give and take couple, giving each other space, patience or attention. Really, they should get married. It's just too perfect a union.
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askdiscordwhooves · 9 months
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Ask Discord Whooves has come to its conclusion, and that means the posts below this point contain major spoilers for the story! This post will also have the author's final comments below a 'read more' to avoid spoilers. In this commentary, I will talk about new details about the story, such as what the future looks like in this universe and clearing up some lore.
If you wish to read from the beginning, you can start from the first page here!
Or, if you were in the middle of reading and wish to start where you left off, go to the table of contents here!
Also for consideration, you can read the prequel blog @lovestruck-derpy and the side blog @askthetimemaster to get more insight on the story. It is recommended you read Lovestruck Derpy first, then Ask The Time Master after you've read Discord Whooves.
Other side blogs involved in the story that can be read after everything else for a little more insight are as follows:
@tantamount-time-turner @torchwoodv @valtavia
Thank you for being interested in the story, I hope you enjoy your read!
!!AUTHOR FINAL COMMENTS BELOW!!
It would be appreciated if people who have read the blog to its end read this post and give their input on the overall story via comment or reblog, or sending the author @jitterbugjive a comment via ask or submission.
Surprise, everyone! Coach is The Doctor's next life!
This was the original plan from the very start of when I made Coach. Look, here's some proof, the plush I had commissioned of him has a cutie mark!
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For those who don't know who (Pony) Coach is, you can read a bunch of asks sent to him here and get to know him, and for those who do know him you can re-read with context:
[Coach at The-Character-Lounge]
Now, I know I've moved on and made Coach a human and his own character for my current main project, My Magic Grandpa, but that was because I loved him as a character so much that I couldn't just end him after Discord Whooves.
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He and his Granddaughter Suzie have paranormal fantasy adventures in the 90s starting in Oregon. You can read the comic which has been updating for 4 years here: http://www.mymagicgrandpa.com OR http://www.mymagicgrandpa.net for better phone viewing.
If you want more Doctor Whooves content from me, consider following the youtube series "Doctor Whooves and Assistant", where I am the head writer and voice actor for Derpy. It is still active and hopefully will be for quite some time.
I also want people to know about three more of my original projects,”Bedeviled Dotty” ( @bedeviled-dotty), “Once Upon a Calamity” ( @nightmaretales) and “WTF? I’m a Magical Girl’s Familiar?!” (@magicalgirlsfamiliar) Two of which I want to start updating in 2024 and one that's been updating for a few years now.
OUAC has been around for a very long time, it’s a collection of familiar but twisted fairy tales and it has been on hiatus for years because of my other projects taking priority. I'm excited to be bringing it back.
WTF?MGF meanwhile is an adult dark comedy magical girl comic combined with an apocalyptic outbreak scenario. Its pilot will launch in January of 2024 and the comic will begin properly in 2025.
“Bedeviled Dotty” has been going for a few years now, and is a story about a magical anthro rabbit who makes a deal with a kitsune in order to obtain the love of her professor.
I highly encourage people to check them out!
Now about The Doctor version of Coach! When he first regenerated, he was ecstatic to have a small nose!
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Not only that but he had a new appreciation for life and took on a life to the fullest attitude. He also cast away the identity of 'The Doctor', letting himself become his own as 'Coach' because he considers himself a referee to the universe and a sort of life coach to whoever he encounters. (Those that can stand him of course) He loves interacting with others, but he can be impatient and snippy at times and quite pushy without meaning to. He also has a hard time reading others' emotions, and can only think in context of how he would feel. This is because in this life he has something akin to ASD that he's unaware of, and it's a huge challenge for him because of how much he wants to help and entertain others.
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He likes to use sports words and phrases in his vocabulary, which would be his quirk. He also collects sports equipment and uses them for experiments and inventions, though he doesn't really like sports themselves.
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One of the last things Derpy said to him before she died was that she had no regrets, and neither should he. So in his next life, as Coach, he took this very seriously and is always moving forward with no regrets. This can make him seem heartless at times because of how easily he leaves things behind, but he always needs to be on the move and needs to change things up because he's teaming with chaos magic.
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That's right, the chaos energy stayed with him, but it manifested in a more controllable form because he became a unicorn. He can't use normal unicorn spells, a lot of his magic has a mind of its own. It will often do as asked, but it will do it in random ways. 'Open a locked door' for example could mean unlocking the door, or turning the door into popcorn. One of his first magic mishaps was transmogrifying his sonic screwdriver into a golf club. It still functions the same, just has a different shape now.
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Coach spent about 60 years exploring on his own and taking on temporary companions that he'd keep a distance from so chances of anything bad happening to them would be less. But he eventually longs to see his Grandaughter, Tootsie Flute, and wants to take her on adventures with him, feeling like it would be a good do-over from the old Doctor's life. He fondly calls her Suzie because of reminiscing about the memories of Susan from the 1st Doctor days. While Suzie is often exasperated with him, she is also fascinated with him and the things he shows her. She has to keep their adventures a secret though, because Coach is scared to face his old family again and disappoint them. He doesn't want to see them without being able to understand them any more, it would break his hearts.
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In order to take Suzie on adventures with him, they find a rogue changeling to replace her at home.
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Speaking of changelings, he keeps in contact with [Tantamount Doctor], who has since started his own hive and is now a Royal. He gets much adored offerings of cheese from Coach.
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The Doctor also never really felt like there was a right time to approach The Master’s daughter, Eighth Note. He kept feeling like it would ruin her otherwise good life to introduce her to time and space like that. She grew up to be a nurse in a maternity ward, her beautiful voice soothing babies as she would sing to them. Perhaps she has a little hypnotic influence from her father?
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But Coach meanwhile with his no regrets attitude charged right in to take her on as a temporary companion to show her the ropes of being a Time Lord and having a TARDIS of her own. Needless to say, she’s trouble for Coach, as she can be a huge tease and she enjoys flustering the poor guy who just doesn’t want the Master to come back from the grave to kill him. It’s all in good fun for her and never serious, though, so nothing of an intimate nature really happens between them.
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Finally, whenever Coach regenerated which wouldn't be for a long time, it would be because the chaos magic would become too unstable and the only way he can stay alive is to regenerate into a draconequus. Which gives us -drumroll-
Pandemonium!
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Pandemonium is on the chaotic good alignment and he finds a way to bring back Gallopfrey and allow the true pony Doctor and Master to exist. He playfully antagonizes them and tries to keep them on a good path as best he can.
And that's pretty much how the whole thing ends!
When I started Discord Whooves, I was in a pretty dark place. I was bitter, angry, feeling like I had to fill peoples' expectations without really having anything special of my own. Discord Whooves started as a vent blog because A. The Brony fandom's constant pressure on me as a well known voice actor for Derpy, which made me bitter about her, B. Because I was upset I was getting known more for my voice than my main talent, drawing, on top of feeling dysphoric about my feminine voice, and C. The expectations that were on me reflected on how I acted, and I wanted to do something dark without my old name attached to it to prove I could do something interesting besides PG rated radio plays. I gained a lot more popularity than I thought I ever would, and had so much support, and as JitterbugJive I got to be myself without any expectations. It helped me come out eventually not only as BaldDumboRat, but as a transgender male.
Popularity sadly got to my head, it caused a lot of stress and a lot of outbursts and when I started my mod blog I was a very calm person who brushed things off. But more and more people started to pick fights with me and I felt the need to defend myself. This was also during a time I made another vent blog that was for dealing with the abuse I'd been through in the past, so I was facing a lot of demons at the time and could be triggered easily.
And then I had my bi-polar manic episode that made me literally insane for months, which threw me in to a year long depression that destroyed my art for a good while (It looked really really awful during that time, a lot of people noticed it) but the good thing about it was that it got me in touch with a therapist and got me diagnosed not only bi-polar 1 but PTSD, which was a shock to me but it made a lot of sense. I got a PTSD service dog, anxiety medication, bi-polar medication, and while the year of depression sucked I slowly got to pull myself back together and reflect on who I'd been. With anxiety meds I wasn't getting as angry any more, and therapy was helping me properly cope with the past and with the popularity issues. I wanted to be a better person, and I became one.
I even decided to take on a career path where I could help other people like me and like Discord Doctor, becoming a peer wellness specialist to help those experiencing mental illness and addiction. I use my own experiences to connect with them, give them hope, and show them they are not alone and there are people who do understand what they're going through who will help them. The training I went through ended up changing a lot of aspects of how Discord Whooves was treated moving forward, giving him a more realistic journey and showing people a very true message of hope and recovery. And the only reason I'm where I am now is because of experiencing that first psychotic episode that made me reach out for help.
I had two psychotic episodes in the span of Discord Whooves’ run, and they gave me a first hand experience of what it’s like to completely lose control of your own actions. I hurt people, I caused a lot of damage, and I had to face the consequences of those actions. And because of this, I had personal knowledge of what it’s like to come out of such a horrible state, and all the guilt and fear that comes with it. The Doctor’s journey suddenly became so much more personal to me, because I’d been there. And his journey of recovery is to show that despite everything, there’s still hope. Recovery is possible.
Something else my mania did was lead me to the idea of My Magic Grandpa, because my head came up with so many crazy ideas that I wanted to use and I was looking for a lot of inspiration during my depression that it all started coming together. And thus Coach and Suzie evolved into humans in their own story, because I didn't entirely want Discord Whooves to end where Coach and Suzie only just begins. And now they can continue on in their own way, in my own way, and I can let go of a blog about depression and anger and instead make a story about growth and inspiration.
In a way, it's like I regenerated with The Doctor, and I hope people can appreciate that and continue to support me.
I want to thank all the people who have worked with me on this project, be it for crossover, to contribute guest art, to Warden and Lauren and a handful of other people who helped me write the story and brought fantastic characters into it. I couldn’t have gotten this far without you, and the story would be in a much worse place now if it weren’t for everyone’s help.
Thank you all for staying with me on this 12 year journey. Looking back, I've made some dumb mistakes, but I learned a lot from them and your dedication helped me stick to my guns and end my first large scale project! It hit some bumps but dammit I made it happen and I am so happy I did! Now I hope people will check out my other projects that were linked above. I will still produce pony content on @the-character-lounge on occasion when I have the time and motivation.
I want to continue to bring everyone compelling stories that will tug at their emotions, and I don't plan on disappearing. So if you want to continue this journey with me, to see what Coach and Suzie have evolved into, please give my other works a follow!
Thank you, everyone! Your comments on this post in particular would be greatly appreciated! What did you think of the story as a whole? What do you think of Coach being the Doctor’s new life? Are there things you were expecting or wished would be different? How would you have ended the story? Did you enjoy the finale? Did you have a theory that Coach was The Doctor? Who was your favorite character? Favorite moment? Least favorite moment? I want to know! Please talk about it!
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ukiyowi · 11 months
Text
Past Life PAC ✫
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Note: Have fun and take care also stay hydrated muah muah, photo credits me that's why they suck (/hj) If you like the pac please reblog!! It helps a lot 💏
1 -> 3
Masterlist ✧ Paid readings ✧ Tip Jar
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🍄 Pile 1
☆ You were someone who was constantly transforming, both spiritually and mentally and may have gone through multiple cycles. You were someone who took things in stride and believed that everything will turn out well even if it didn't seem that way. You had a tendency to change a lot in a small period of time to the extent of people not recognising you, you may also have been extremely intellectual and learned, being interested in the arts and subjects like philosophy or psychology. You wanted to get to the bottom of everything in existence and were very curious. However, you also tended to be stuck in the past, reliving old days and collecting old ornaments, nostalgia held you back. You didn't travel a lot nor did you want to, you were set in your ways and your self-doubt led to you missing out on opportunities that would have made you thrive.
☆ Your life on the other hand, was nothing short of glamourous. You were probably born in a wealthy and well to do household with servants and butlers, people were at your beck and call. You may have been close to your father and he may have had a huge impact on you and your decisions. Your life looked perfect from the outside but it was not what you desired. You wanted to make a name for yourself however could not due to restrictions put on you by your family members. You may have tried to stand up for yourself but were only lectured or turned down. Your sibling’s nay has gotten more chances than you did and you felt life to be unequal and unfair. You may have had an unstable family life, and their unhappy marriage may have affected your views on love.
☆ Initially you did not feel fulfilled in your long-term relationship and both parties may have been involved in infidelity and bring closed off about their relationship. This relationship could have been established against both of your wills as a business deal or relationship for the profit of the families rather than the individuals. This harboured a lot of negative feelings from both of your sides, and you both were unwilling to commit. You may have left your home to go be with this person. However, as time passed, you leading to a deeper level of emotional understanding. From this point on, it may have felt like fate or magic that brought you two together. You may have had one child together.
☆ You've learnt your karmic lessons in your previous lifetime and this lifetime is like a blank slate. You understand and accept how the universe is trying to guide you and are more spiritually enlightened, you may have psychic abilities that may be related to your calling in life. You're starting over completely and you will feel called to indulge and try out different activities and hobbies, and enjoy life at its fullest.
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🍄 Pile 2
☆ You were indecisive and lacked direction in life. You felt trapped in every situation you were in and were quite pessimistic, which developed a lot of self-limiting beliefs you never tried to grow out of. You were a fatalist and believed you couldn't do anything to make your life better, and were doomed from the start for a lack of better words. You may have been apathetic and a sceptic and were quite discontent and angry with the universe. You may have spent hours, days even months soul searching, you loved nature and believed that it had the power to heal, you may have liked meditating in caves. You tried to be introspective and listen to your inner guidance, but due to your impulsiveness you never did.
☆ You may have lived a life that was lively but you didn't feel like you belonged. Your family may not have been the most well off but you made it work. Seeing them struggle you may have taken it upon yourself to study and educate yourself to find a way to help. You planned a lot and spent loads of time trying to decide what to do, only to come up empty handed because you believed you wouldn't want to live an empty life. You may have gone through a lot financially, and faced homelessness in your adulthood as well as a myriad of financial problems and health problems leading to a lot of loss. Your feeling of not belonging lead to you lashing out at people randomly making you stay away from romantic relationships, being averse to the very idea of it, you may have gone through more than one marriage due to separation or divorce.
☆ You may not have been the luckiest in matters of the heart either as your relationships may have fallen apart due to lack of communication and secrets from either of the parties, you may have gone through a divorce or your s/o leaving you in the past for someone else, however when you did end up meeting someone that you felt comfortable with, you tried your best to communicate with them. You may have felt like your love and affection towards them was illegal (I'm getting lgbtq+ vibes but it can be a secret romance or inter-religion/caste too) and that you need to get rid of your feelings before either of you get in trouble. You may have been avoiding the reality of the situation at the start but after a period of time you may have decided to either get together regardless of what people say, or, eloped. This made you feel free and content, however there were still certain commitment issues and the love fizzled out after a brief period of excitement, and did not procreate rather choosing to live a calm and peaceful life alone in the hills.
☆ Your lesson to learn in this life is to find value in things that are not necessarily materialistic and to stop trying to run after money, and let it flow into your life naturally. You're meant to learn how to balance work and life without burning out in both areas, and learn how to actually execute your plans and work on them rather than simply staying in the planning stage. You need to learn how to accept challenges without doubting your abilities and skills because you already possess what you need.
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🍄 Pile 3
☆ You were an extremely traditional person and held strong conventional ethics and morals that made you come off as a perfectionist or stickler for the rules. You were an extremely 'by the book' person and believed that nothing could go wrong if you followed all the rules. You were also extremely religious and prayed every morning, you may have felt very connected to the divine and felt that someone was watching over you. You may have been overbearing and harboured a lot of insecurities especially in regards to your own self but physically and mentally and felt like you were never growing or moving forward.
☆ You may have moved slowly in your life, you may have had a strict and traditional upbringing, with your family being close knit and extremely loving. You had very supportive people around you that always tried to lift you up no matter what and offered their wisdom and advice whenever you needed it. You may have progressed slower than others in terms of your career, but your uncertainty never stopped you from doing what you wanted. You may have travelled a lot in search of what you want to do, and may have wanted to teach or be involved in a career that allows you to impart knowledge. You may have faced failure multiple times and put in a lot of effort in everything you did but we're let down frequently before you could find the correct path. You may have worked in a field where you helped guide people or helped children, you were also someone who got exhausted easily.
☆ You may not have had a lot of romantic relationships and had an arranged marriage which was conducted traditionally. You had similar values, ideas and opinions which led you to have great conversations and you gave each other mutual respect. You were both extremely committed to each other and had similar goals which could mean you both worked towards it together, leading to prosperity and abundance in your career after this relationship as you both built each other up. You both will prioritise your relationship and involve each other in your daily lives, keeping the other in the loop. You'll also make big financial decisions together and have a balanced relationship. You may have two kids together as well.
☆ In this life you're meant to learn how to be alone with yourself without feeling lonely. You are meant to introspect and search for what you truly desire deep in your heart and to stop settling for things but rather striving for more. You'll be learning how to be more intuitive and to be open to taking a spiritual path in the future, while making major sacrifices especially in regards to your ideas or beliefs in order to be more open minded.
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All Credits and Rights Reserved to Ukiyowi. Do not STEAL do not PLAGIARISE
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k-s-morgan · 2 months
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Hey! I hope you are alright.
If it wont be spoiler or something can you tell why Tom is using harry's cups, plates and the other things, i really Wonder and cant stop thinkining about it.
And i want to say it Adore ATLWETD. For me, fav fic of all time
Another ask: When Tom asked "what was i to you" and harry replied "i dont know" what did Tom think? And why tom is asking those questions at first place?
Another ask: hey, are you okay? I hope everything is okay there. I don't know if it means anything but my prayers are with you.
I have two question about ATLWETD.
First what did Tom feel when harry hugged him? And what are Tom's future plans for both of them? What he want?
If you dont want to answer i understand and its alright.
English its not my first language so if there is any mistake or misunderstand i am sorry.
Another ask: I just figure out how to use tumblr and as soon as i did i came your acc. I love your works. ATLWETD is reason is am still reading tomarry. I just wonder what Tom is planining rn. Take Harry to knigts and the other things. if it wont be problem i want to hear your answer, love you!
---
Since these asks are sort of related, I decided to combine them into one!
First of all, thank you all so much, both for your words and prayers! I'm so pleased that you're enjoying ATLWETD and that you're thinking of me.
Some of Tom's thought processes will become clearer later on, but I don't mind offering the specifics, especially since we won't be getting his POV until the middle of the story.
Tom has been using his mood stone on Harry repeatedly. He's been mystified by all the emotions Harry seems to be alternating between, and one in particular has intrigued him most, which is attraction.
Tom's been wondering about the specific nature of their 'alternative world' relationship for a while, and now he's begun to suspect that maybe they were romantically involved - or on the brink of becoming involved. He's curious and fascinated by this possibility. He wanted Harry to answer him truthfully, and Harry saying "I don't know" proved his hypothesis that while they weren't together, they were probably about to be in some near future.
If you liked Tom using Harry's things, just wait until the Tie Saga in the next chapter :D It'll be hilarious. Poor Harry will be so confused and frustrated by Tom's actions.
Now, why is Tom doing that? A part of it is him testing how receptive Harry is to something this intimate. To him, it's yet another indication that they were closer than friends, and since Harry doesn't react, it's probably something the other Tom did, too. Another big reason is the violation of boundaries. Tom feels entitled to Harry, to everything he is and everything he owns. He views Harry as his thing, his personal person, and he's determined to take his freedom piece by piece because Harry is supposed to be an extension of him, in his eyes. There is genuine possessiveness in him as well.
Making Harry a part of the Knights also feels into this context. Tom wants Harry to be involved in his life to the fullest extent. He's interested in seeing what Harry is going to think and how he's going to react to some of his plans and ideas. Tom has seen valuable qualities in Harry, and he wants to use them for his benefit.
What Tom felt when Harry hugged him - uncertainty, mostly. Unexpected warmth. Fascination. Some awkwardness. It's one thing to build theories about their alleged romantic relationship, but it's another to get a more physical confirmation of it.
Tom isn't planning or not planning to become involved with Harry romantically right now. He's just watching how everything unfolds, and he's increasingly interested in being surprised and experiencing something new.
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sepublic · 3 months
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I have to wonder about Camila's life and backstory, leading her to the beginning of The Owl House; For example, was she the (grand)daughter of immigrants, or an immigrant herself? For what reasons did she come to the U.S.; Was there a promise of adventure and freedom that didn't entirely pan out? I could see there being additional parallels between Camila and Luz, if they both came to another 'world' and met someone who really made them feel at home, with Camila's person being Manny.
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It isn't exactly canon, being revealed in a unreleased episode that no longer fits with established lore, but Homesick (which seems to have been originally written as a Season 1B episode) reveals that Manny was a hospital driver. Now this is also mentioned alongside Camila being a nurse, when we know now that she's a veterinarian.
But the idea could still be repurposed into HC territory; Camila met Manny, as someone who also shared in the same career. Given her compassion towards animals, it seems Camila chose being a vet because she genuinely enjoys and believes in that work, so it makes me think of how Luz wanted to become a witch, and then found belonging in fellow witches like Eda or Amity, who helped to validate that choice for her by participating in it with Luz. Maybe Manny did the same for Camila, as someone who was also compassionate in helping transport people to medical assistance, and I assume ambulance drivers must also be knowledgeable themselves too!
Looking at it from one perspective, you could say Manny was Camila's Eda, as someone more confident who helped encourage Camila into being her fullest self, making her feel at home as a fellow weirdo, etc. And by extension, Luz is her King; Someone younger that she helps guide and look after, a kid with lots of big fantasies they want to play out. And on Manny’s end, he could be Luz, while Camila is his Amity, as someone less confident about embracing herself, only to find that courage upon meeting Manny. He too would share in the immigrant experience of coming to a new world, and maybe he did so with reckless enthusiasm, like his daughter did?
And if Camila's an immigrant, I wonder what sorts of mixed feelings she might have about Gravesfield, and the U.S. as a whole. How does she feel about the Dominican Republic, if she's ever been there? Thinking of those Mother-Daughter parallels, this new home isn't exactly the nicest, and it has many of its downsides; Like the Boiling Isles for Luz, it suffers from the influence of racist Puritan white guys, which exacerbates a hostility to outsiders. But as I've mentioned with Manny, there are still people to find there, and the existence of kids like Masha further cements that because even if viewers can't find a Boiling Isles, they'll rest assured knowing there's still others like them in this world particularly.
Not to mention, Vee! Adopting Vee, who much prefers the human world, could help Camila appreciate her own home by looking at it from that angle, and relate to her new daughter as a fellow immigrant to Gravesfield. Camila still seems somewhat beholden to the human world, since she and Luz still live there; A part of this could probably be attributed to Vee, but I wonder if there are other ties as well, such as Luz and Camila's Dominican heritage?
Do they have other relatives that they're still in contact with, and how do they feel about them? I don't think they're necessarily on bad terms, seeing as how Luz herself struggled with being a loner while still having loving and supportive parents, and her feeling complete with her found family doesn't negate those pre-existing relationships at all; People simply need as many friends as they can get.
Plus, Camila might still enjoy other aspects of the human world nevertheless, such as her Cosmic Frontier novels, or even something as simple as her latin music. Maybe she isn't entirely comfortable with the isles either, given how four years later she's still a bit grossed out by certain aspects of Luz's new Quincenera, but Camila's still open-minded enough to be accommodating and respectful.
And again, that makes me think about how the Boiling Isles has its ups and downs, as well as locals who are cruel without needing the influence of outsiders. This is part of Luz's arc in Witches before Wizards, acknowledging that, while still being able to love it, warts and all. And I wonder if Camila feels similarly about the world she moved to (while also sharing an unambiguous distaste for the government), if there's a lot to Gravesfield and the U.S. as a whole that she doesn't like.
But there are still good parts and good people, hence Vee's friends, her own relatives, and of course Manny. Vee herself likes it, fellow migrants have a lot in common! So there’s an almost begrudging love, like Eda and King talking about their home at the end of WBW. Maybe like Luz, Camila realized the (American) dream she wanted when she came to this new place wasn't going to play out exactly as she expected... But in many ways, it still did, especially because of people who made it feel complete.
So Camila really is like her daughter; A weirdo who felt the need to suppress herself, only to find people who gave her the encouragement she needed. Someone who moved to another place that wasn't exactly perfect, but there was so much to still appreciate, and it's how she met someone who also moved and loved it there, like the Collector for Luz, or Vee for Camila. Two outsiders wandering and looking for a home, and when Luz found hers, she really cemented Camila rediscovering that belonging when she felt emboldened enough to continue where Manny left off, without him.
It'd have been so easy to just have Luz and Camila both renounce the human world, but that would be cultural whitewashing, and keep in mind the antagonist of the series is colonialism. There’s a lot more nuance in them having connections in both worlds that they want to maintain. And I think Vee helps to cement this for Luz and Camila; The latter would otherwise sacrifice staying in her human home for Luz if she had to, but Vee can function as family in the human world to stay in touch with AND a parallel for Luz to reflect on her choices, etc. Mother and daughter navigating two different worlds that they feel beholden to is the immigrant experience; They're still allowed to hold onto their heritage that way, just as in real life they would be considered both Dominican AND American. That's part of the larger theme of not having to choose nor settle for strict binaries, while maintaining your own identity as you explore entering another community.
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thetypingpup · 4 months
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I beg of you, after your last bit about vampire Wooyoung I'm in a bloodsucker mood. Vampire Wonwoo? Cold, moody, not very social. But warms up enough around you to be so mean and aggressive with you
(gonna soften mean and aggressive a bit if that's alright)
“Come to me…”
Your feet move automatically as he beckons you in from the balcony. From your vantage point, you can look out from the highest tower of his castle, one of many places he lets no one enter, no one except for you. The scarlet sky looms overhead, the red hue brightened by silver starlight. You see his silhouette, created by flickering candlelight and projected onto translucent curtains. This realm is so overwhelmingly frigid, even the candle flames glow with silver light. You pass through the barrier of satin and towards him, a smile lifting your lips the more he comes into view.
As soon as you’re within reach his fingers wrap around your wrist, slowly, before his hand closes around it and tugs you towards him. You stumble right onto the bed beside you and you shiver, both at the breeze, and the lack of warmth you feel emanating off of him.
Wonwoo has always been a creature of few words, but his actions say more than enough. His lips and his hands tell you all of the things words fail to. The way his lips trail down your neck and trace your pulse point portrays the ravenous hunger building within him. He admires how you look in this dress with his hands, roving touches along your sides and indulgent squeezes where you’re most sensitive. He chuckles as you moan softly and succumb to him. 
“You, are divine, and you’re all mine.” His deep voice is rough with want, and within a flash, he has you pushed back and pinned to the bed, left to gaze up at him with wide eyes. His glasses magnify the intensity of his gaze, which hones in on your neck, right on his favorite spot to bite. In the next moment, his fangs sink into your neck, and the split second of pain quickly gives way to the exquisite pleasure that keeps you coming back. Gruffly, he groans as the taste of your blood overtakes his senses, and the scent of your arousal has him pressing against you. His hand sneaks under your dress, finding the apex of your thighs. You become pliant in an instant, spreading your legs for him, letting him indulge in you. Two fingers sneak past your panties and start stroking your folds, circling over your clit and making your hips lift off the bed. 
Your eyes slide shut as you sit back and enjoy, enjoy the pressure of him pressing you into the bed, enjoy the blissful sensation of him consuming your life force in such a carnal way, enjoy the pure pleasure of his fingers pushing past your folds and inside you. The breeze picks up, making the curtains part to let in the cold. Even the candle flames emit a distinct chill, but despite it all, warmth blooms within you. The more of your blood he consumes, the warmer Wonwoo gets too, as if coming alive the longer he salaciously indulges in you. His fingers plunge deeper within you, right as he picks a new spot on your neck to bite, the spot right beside your jugular. The piercing puncture makes you cry out in delight. 
He always comes so close to ending your dance on the edge of death, permanently, and you’re more than aware that he can do so without much effort. But he never does. He always remains on the edge, always keeps you just on the precipice, allowing you to feel pleasure and life to the fullest, like the final surging flicker of a candle before it’s snuffed out. Here, sensation reaches its height, lust swells at its most profane and profuse, and emotion becomes more palpable than the fangs buried in your neck. His visage is doused in red, both from the hue of the sky and the blood that runs down his chin. He becomes more frantic as his hunger and lust take over, and your head spins as a rush of sensations hits you all at once. His lips sucking harder on your neck, the lightheaded rush as he consumes another gulp of your blood, his fingertips pressing against your sweet spot and his thumb running over your clit. It’s too much to contain, so you don’t, screaming unabashedly and arching up against him. He loves getting you like this, getting you squirming and writhing while you’re contained in his grasp. His excitement is evident, and his hardening cock presses against your thigh, his hips rutting against you in search of sensation. You clench around him, feeling yourself drip onto his fingers, grabbing onto him as you wordlessly plead for him to ravage you the way you both desire.
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