#like those last 4 ish months were probably unhealthy as fuck

[avianreptiles]

I don't even know what Jay and Kenny have going on anymore man

[omgokiguess]

wow guys i just got out of rehab today

first of all. it was so terrible except for some of the people there. but also a couple of the people there really sucked too.

the staff was TERRIBLE. they were literally so mean and power hungry. i was friends with basically every patient (except for the few shitty ones) and was really nice to them.... like i took in this innocent 20yo girl who started calling me her big sister and i helped this 21yo girl so much with her anxiety..... like i took care of everyone that i could and i stuck up for everyone that the staff treated like shit. and the staff was so fucking rude to me. the whole staff said so many times “we have no problem giving you extra phone time/computer time to take care of things like work, aftercare, legal problems, financial problems, etc” but literally every single time i asked to call work or call my lawyer or anything i got a no. it literally took me two full weeks to get things straightened out with exelon and i literally got let go from anthro because they would just not let me get on the phone so that’s cool. i never once was able to speak to my lawyer or my pre-trial officer. neat. also i got in a pretty heated fight with this one bitch employee who told me i was disrespectful because i asked her superior to open the laundry room for me because i had my period and needed new underwear out of the dryer. we were like screaming at each other and she ended up being sent home for four days. two guys actually ended up leaving randomly and left all their shit including their phones and wallets. that’s how bad the staff was.

the doctor was really good and knowledgeable and helpful and i really liked him. he was really chill. but i do have to say he really was pushing meds on not just me but everyone. i didn’t get on any meds though, and honestly one of the nurses congratulated me for not getting on meds when i left. i thought it was fucked up that i was the only person not on meds. we’re just alcoholics.... there’s no way we’re all fucking psychotic or something. nobody was on less than 2 meds besides me and i would say the average number of different meds was about 4 for somebody my age.

the staff just really frustrated me. it’s rehab so obviously there are a lot of rules for the sake of having rules and i honestly did not have a problem with the rules even though a lot of them were very silly. like you would not find me complaining about the unhealthy food, the fact that they said the gym would be open certain hours but was actually never open because they were “understaffed,” that our bathrooms were locked from 7:30am - 9:30pm and 25 people had to share two toilets, that there were essentially no covid-19 precautions, that somebody checked where i was every 15 minutes, that smoking a pack of cigarettes a day is okay but the juul is not, that i had to get the actual doctor to approve me using contact solution or allergy medication, or any other stupid thing they enforced. i literally only complained about the fact that i couldn’t talk to my employer(s), couldn’t talk to my lawyer, couldn’t talk to my pre-trial officer, couldn’t figure out my aftercare, couldn’t call my therapist, and that the staff spoke to me like i was either an idiot, a delinquent, or like i was a bitch.

i did put up one little stink though. this bitch that worked there, if we were in our rooms, when she checked on us she didn’t knock she just fucking opened up the door, so i decided to just chill in my room and read in the nude one day cause i knew she would just open the door without knocking... and wouldn’t it be fun for her to have to deal with the sight of my entire bush..... so i went for it lmao. she told the entire staff that she walked in on me LOL and the “director of operations” (this woman is truly a dumb cunt) asked my roommate, who was a 45 year old MD from lake forest, if she wanted to switch roommates (???) and dr. nancy my hero was like “um no i actually lucked out with erin and also diana should learn to knock.”

anyway, nancy and brittany my two fave people, left on the same day which really sucked but whatever. then sam left which also whatever... i loved her too. and then..... oh god i hate to admit this so much.... but then michael came in. he made it in 3-ish days before i left.

i literally have NO IDEA why this would be, but okay the protocol is before you go to rehab you go through alcohol detox in the hospital, so i was an inpatient in the hospital for 5 days. i slept through most of that because they put me on valium for those 5 days so that I wouldn’t experience the hells of alcohol withdrawal. i’m glad i was asleep for most of it though because there was nothing at all to do, they had like 3 different crossword puzzles and no TV but as it turns out..... i wasn’t in the alcohol detox section of the hospital.... for some reason they put me in the psychotic wing..... there were only 6 patients total in that wing and i was the only person living in reality. one woman escaped the hospital because she thought her husband was telling her to leave, and the other 4 men were handcuffed to their beds. i was the only person in there with any sense of reality, and i had gotten there in the middle of the night so i was unaware of other wings in the hospital. on my last night there, they moved me to “2 north” aka the normal alcohol detox wing, which probably had 100 people in it. so in the morning we all had breakfast together and i was like WHAT THE HELL..... I COULD HAVE MADE FRIENDS HERE.... and that’s when i met michael. i knew him for like a full 90 minutes total in inpatient but we were literally instant best friends. we met because some old men were telling me jokes trying to get me to laugh and he was sitting nearby and he was like “so how old are you like 35?” and i was like “you’ve got to be kidding me fuck you....” and he was like “yeah lol i’m kidding” and i was like playing back, like “so how old are you like 45?” cause he looked about 30 and he was like “yes” and i was like okay bullshit so he showed me his hospital band and it said 45..... and i was like okay this is ridiculous. anyway he had been to the rehab i was going to before so he told me about it and he gave me a note for sam and i just thought he was really cool. he was getting ECT treatments which is “a treatment most commonly used in patients with severe major depression or bipolar disorder that have not responded to other treatments. ECT involves a brief electrical stimulation of the brain while the patient is under anesthesia.” aka it’s literally where they put those diodes on your brain and shock you. he got 16 treatments. i thought he might end up back in rehab with me. but he spent like 2 full months in inpatient which is super abnormal, almost everyone is there for exactly 5 days like me. anyways

so michael shows up right before i leave and the big question is WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME...... i spent like 3 days with him nonstop and we can probably all see where this is going but.... this dumbass of course falls for him....???? there were some cuties in rehab and i had NO INTEREST in any of them but idk michael is just kind of.... the personality i’ve been looking for.

couple problems. 1. i have a boyfriend. 2. michael is 5′6″ .... (???) .... 3. i cannot get his fucking stupid smile out of my head and i’m hoping i was just sexually deprived for weeks and this is just a dumb thing BUT

idk my boyfriend like made all these promises of things he was going to do for me while i was in rehab and he kind of didn’t follow through on any of them. i really basically only told him and my sister that i’m going to rehab and my sister lives in boston and so i kind of assumed he would do the things he promised he would do, which clearly was stupid on my part. i can’t rely on him. i should have learned that by now... if i want something done i have to do it myself. i didn’t even ask very much of him. he basically promised four things. 1. he would take care of my guinea pigs. 2. he would check on my car to be sure it doesn’t get impounded 3. he would clean my room before i get back and 4. he would bring me the stuff i need (contact lenses to fucking see, hairbrush, tampons, other necessities) since they wouldn’t let me leave hospital care between detox and rehab. the only one of those he did was take care of my guinea pigs, which is essentially nothing because he goes to whole foods every day and his MAID cleaned their cage.

and idk, we were allowed 10 minutes of combined computer and phone time a day (which is literally nothing), and i always called him and ignored the computer because i thought he would want to hear from me and i would want to hear from him too, but at least 30% of the time i left phone time upset and crying. i mean i was turning my whole entire life around and it took him 13 days just to check to see that my car wasn’t impounded, and he had the audacity to complain that he was overwhelmed with all the stuff he had to deal with on my behalf even though it was literally just feeding my guinea pigs and then he had his own work shit. i suspect he’s taking more adderall than he should again. but i can’t even complain. his dad found the lawyer that may end up saving my life. 

and anyway. he never ended up cleaning my room (he wasn’t even gonna clean it himself, he was going to hire someone to clean it and he couldn’t even do that even though he promised. i don’t need it i just kind of thought he was gonna keep his promise), and it took him 5 days to bring me the stuff i need. i kept in one pair of dailies for 5 days (i wore my last pair over from detox) and went blind for 2 days. my rehab was only 20 minutes from his house, a straight shot on the never-crowded 294. i left him with all of my debit cards and pins too, and bank logins so that he wouldn’t have to pay for anything i needed. 

and idk then when i talked to him, whenever i complained about rehab he would just kind of be like “this is why you should have gone to PSI” which is where he went to rehab for marijuana.... which costs and arm and a leg because his dad will pay for anything for him and he doesn’t understand that i’m paying for this myself. and i didn’t want some cushy rehab. i mean yeah i didn’t want the staff to be such a load of cunts but i didn’t want his cushy frilly rehab experience. i would have really liked my program if there had just been better people working there. and he wanted to talk about my sobriety so much and like.... i don’t want to talk about it with him. idk in his head i think he thinks i’m taking his exact same journey and like i’m NOT. like it’s not even the same drug. he acts like he totally understands and it’s like... yes there is a lot he understands but there’s a lot that’s different and there’s no way ANY two patients ever went through the exact same thing, ESPECIALLY when it’s different drugs!!!!

and i’ve been with him since about 1p today (he was late to pick me up, it was supposed to be noon, which he promised he wouldn’t be late, and him being late was also something i brought up a lot in rehab because it caused me so much stress..... i just KNEW he was gonna be late and it caused me a lot of anxiety and i told him this so much and he was still late) (and anyway the point here is).... i’ve been with him since 1 and he just keeps saying weird stuff about alcohol. which is EXACTLY why i didn’t want anybody to know i was going to rehab. like after eating hospital food for weeks i wanted to go to a nice restaurant and most nice restaurants serve alcohol.... which is FINE like i was not gonna drink.... but he kept saying things like “we probably shouldn’t go to a pub” or “lake forest food and wine hmm better not go there” and it’s like..... i’m fucking HUNGRY i purposely didn’t eat the hospital food because i wanted to eat good food and it took us till 2:30pm to get somewhere because he felt the need to beat around the alcohol bush.... and every time alcohol came up in conversation (which just HAPPENS because that is how life is....) he’d be like oh sorry shouldn’t mention that and it’s like I CAN HANDLE IT..... i literally finally said to him “wow I’m so glad I didn’t tell anyone i went to rehab because if everybody talked to me the way you’re talking to me that would make me want to drink”

and also right before i went to rehab i told him i was afraid i wasn’t going to like him anymore if i was sober. and boy was i right. and adding michael in did not fucking help. i told myself i would never like somebody fucking shorter than me but i can’t fucking help it. i’ve never liked people for their looks anyway and his personality is just fucking perfect. i can’t get his voice and his smile out of my head. and i trust him to be sober. i really do. this was his first relapse in five years, and he only spent one month drinking before getting help. and i think we could be sober together. 

idk maybe i was just so sex deprived that i was just horny or something. i don’t know.

i start online intensive outpatient tomorrow at noon. this week i have it wednesday thursday and friday but it’s gonna be different every week and somebody is going to at least speak with me every day. i’m doing it through derek’s practice and i told him to make sure i have a lot of homework.

i’m not sure how or when i’m going to get back to work. i don’t even really care though. i can always get another job. and after talking to my sister and working through some therapy at rehab, i almost think it’s best to move anyway. i think it would really help me to get away from my parents.

idk. my life is just so in limbo right now. i can stay on FMLA leave for 3 months and on my upcoming court date, that will mark one month. i think it might be wise to use the whole three months. it also might not be wise though because i need things to do. maybe if i could just get back to anthro.....

anthro terminated me in the weirdest way and i think my lawyer can get my job at anthro back for me with a simple letter. that might be the best thing for me right now. 

not to mention.... i haven’t been back to my apartment yet but.... the gold coast has been destroyed. i don’t know what i’m going back to at this point. this is really sad sad sad to say but i don’t think i will be living downtown chicago anymore, once i find some other solution or once this lease expires, i’m leaving. maybe i’ll stay in chicagoland but probably not. if i do stay in chicagoland i’m gonna be living in the suburbs. but i think it only makes sense to get out of here. i think it makes sense to go to the southeast. florida or atlanta or north carolina or virginia. california is always on the mind too but to move there i think i need to be really really confident in my sobriety.  

[brancadoodles]

Hey you two! Thank you for messaging me! Sorry if I won’t answer you two individually, it’s just that you two bring similar points I’d like to use to say even more stuff bc I can’t shut up, apparently.

Lady with Caribbean family whose dad plays Overwatch: that’s so cool, i tried to show my mom how to play too (she chose Mei, because chubby) but didn’t have a lot of time to try. I hope your dad is happy with Baptiste!! He seems like a very Dad character, being a defender and a healer! DAD MATERIAL Y’ALL!! THE DAD ROSTER IS GROWING!

For starters, I just wanted to make clear to everyone that I’m not a black woman - far from it, in fact - and I’m not Caribbean nor do I have many connections to the region. So any black person, especially black women, and MOST ESPECIALLY Caribbean people/people from Caribbean descent, has a deeper knowledge of what I said in that take and I do not intend to take away any place of speech. I just thought it was convenient to at least introduce my thoughts from the position of someone who clearly remembers the 2010 Haiti earthquake (many of your were too young then) and who knows game development to a higher extent than most of the OW community. Also, before I got crazy with the gamer community acting mega entitled over stuff - more on that later.

That said, I gotta say a few things under the cut:

Fans - especially fans from demographics that have little or bad representation in mainstream games - have the right to want a character that represents their image, culture, and values, and that celebrates them. But no one is entitled to such characters when the game is made and controlled by a private capitalist company. The SJW (a word I’ll use as a shorthand for people who defend diversity and respect in the community bc I personally love the idea of us being warriors) OW community is usually pretty understanding, but there are many corners that seem to demand the addition of x or y type of character in the main cast. And Blizzard is not a pizzeria: they try to cater to general cries of the community, within viable time, but game development is a freaking complicated business with lots of flaws and variables.

For instance: the Overwatch creative team at the beginning was, in its majority, male and American white. Michael Chu is of Asian descent, and I know through stories that Blizzard has many female employees and is quite accepting and chill, but it’s still a major multiplayer US-centric Triple A game, and they wanted to cater to what is perceived to be the biggest public for those: young-ish white males. That ties in with their earnestness to try and make a diverse game with a diverse and respectful cast, but their probable lack of understanding of what exactly the public wanted at the moment - or in the next year, because - and I’ll make it bold to drill this into your minds - it takes from 6 months to one year to develop a new character from scratch until they’re added to the cast. Fucking understand this once and for all - game pipelines are very complicated. Again, this is not a pizza place - they have a lot of testing and planning to do and changing the pipeline to add one character before the other is unhealthy for the production.

Therefore, what sparked the creation of Baptiste was, with almost all certainty, the claims for black Mercy as shown in the Overwatch Artbook released around mid-2018. I can’t affirm what they were thinking when they discarded that concept in favor of barbie angel Mercy (ilu blondie), but my guess is that they thought it tied better with both the Valkyrie and the Guardian Angel concepts they were developing, as well as adding a woman of “conventional European beauty” (uuugh) so girls would be represented without rippling the waters too much - remember, she was a release hero, and they had no idea how well Overwatch would fare then. BUT when the community said they would WELCOME a black man as a nurturing support figure (*cough* dad), they reimagined "Angelo” as Baptiste.

Could they have released black Mercy boy back in 2016? Maybe, but 2016 isn’t 2018, and Mercy was developed way farther back than this. They wanted the game to work first, and they probably thought a lot of what they did was already super diverse (and it was).

Which brings us to a very important and often ignored point: Brands aren’t friends. Blizzard, as much as its team tries to be inclusive, is a privately owned company and Activision-Blizzard just laid off 800 workers this month alone. Corporations, as they are conceptualized and existing in the neoliberal panorama of the 2010′s, are billion-dollar socioeconomic psychopaths. That doesn’t mean that Jeff and the OW team is inherently bad or seeking profit - honestly, game workers don’t make that much money in comparison to the administrative positions, and Jeff is very much just a designer -, but it does mean that they are held by the company straps to generate enough capital to keep the machine running, PLUS profit for the execs.

Add to that the fact that the senior members of the OW team have started working in the 1900′s/2000′s, when gAMeR CuLTuRe was being sedimented, and so a lot of the previous concepts of what should be done in a big budget game to appease to the “main audience” are still at play in their minds: simply put, they aren’t millennials, and our culture changes a lot from one year to another. When they release Baptiste, the community is already claiming for a black woman stranger than ever, but remember that it wasn’t THAT blatant in July last year before Hammond (who was a passion project in the works for 4 years) and Ashe (who was an original character for the short film the team fell in love with and decided to add) - it kinda started picking up after Moira and esp Brigitte.

Does that leave them out of the hook? No, of course not. Keep complaining. They’ve already proved they were listening with Baptiste here. I seriously believe that one of the next 3 releases will be a black woman like we are all asking, because they’re seeing that’s something the audience wants. Black people are historically entitled to fair and plentiful representation all around, especially in mainstream media, but it’ll hardly happen in current capitalist culture unless it’s proven to be profitable. No company serves its community, it serves itself using the community - the value said community draws from it is what us, consumers, consider important, but no brand is required to be loyal to us. It could be that Jeff and Michael are begging to the producers to let them add a black woman from the start, and the producers say their hands are tied because their research say black women don’t play games and players don’t care - we’ll never know. We can only tell Blizzard “Hey, Baptiste is really great, big leap you made here, next time black woman okay? We need a black woman.”

(To be completely fair, they should hire black women to the creative team just as is, and make the team even more diverse (I may be wrong but I don’t see a lot black people, not even a lot of Latino people, when the team is seen). Making diverse people part of the team doesn’t mean we’ll get so-and-so character, but it adds a flavor that American white males in their 30s and 40s don’t have. But that’s another discussion for another day)

Now, to wrap this up, a message for gamers who say “you’re complaining too much there’s no diversity are you blind half the cast is non-white” oh yea and ALL NONWHITE PEOPLE ARE THE SAME RIGHT???? WE ALL THE SAME. I’M BRAZILIAN I NECESSARILY AM FROM RIO AND PLAY FOOTBALL (it’s football) AND SAMBA. BLACK MEN ARE THE SAME AS BLACK WOMEN AND BLACK PEOPLE ARE ALL THE SAME EVERYWHERE. YES. OF COURSE. THAT’S HOW DIVERSITY WORKS THAT’S PRETTY MUCH THA go get a Viper shot up your ass in Capture the Flag it’s not my place to educate you on capital D Diversity, because diversity means there are a lot of takes in play. Diversity isn’t “nonwhite”, like white is a default. IT ISN’T.

So yea now I’m off to draw shippy art of Baptiste with everyone and family art too my God I love him so much you have no idea.

Also, brands aren’t friends, destroy the establishment, be aggressive but respectful, and the best fans are the ones who want the property getting better and make it better through their own creativity. Peace.

[masonjar828]

So this is in response to an ask me thing I reblogged. Thanks @kylorenpunk for once again making me do them all 😂 but I ain’t no quitter so let’s begin shall we.

1. Selfie; as seen above

2. What would you name your future kids?; If I could have sole control of naming my kids, I’d go with Zephyr for a girl and Red Nalloh for a boy. I always liked the word zephyr and I like the palindrome name that would come from naming my son that.

3. Do I miss anyone?; I recently moved to the west coast and left a lot of close friends behind so I miss each of them every day.

4. What am I looking forward to?; I recently interviewed for a job I’m pretty excited about so I’m really looking forward to hearing new news from them!

5. Is there anyone who can make me smile?; Legit anyone who ever says or does a kind thing to me I will think about from time to time with a little grin.

6. Is it hard for me to get over someone?; I don’t have too much experience needing to do so but I feel like it takes me a normal amount of time to get back on the level after being with someone 😂😅

7. What was my life like last year?; I was a senior in college man...life was a ball of stress and sleep deprevation for months.

8. Have I ever cried from annoyance?; Not really. It honestly takes a lot to make me cry usually. BUT! Show me something with heartwarming feels and a tear or two will always come.

9. Who did I last see in person?; My aunt while we were watching a movie.

10. Am I good at hiding my feelings?; Maybe? I feel like I am but I also know my poker face is garbage so I could be suckish at hiding my feelings too haha.

11. Am I listening to music right now?; Yes! The new Greatest Showman Reimagined album and it’s utterly amazing!

12. What is something I want right now?; I want more than anything rn to hear back from some job somewhere because I’m so in need of a post-college job 😂😅

13. How to I feel right now?; Bit of a headache and fairly tired but overall pretty happy! Listening to the rain outside helps.

14. When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged me?; About 20min ago when I said goodnight to my aunt lol.

15. Personality description; I feel the best way to describe my personality is a hyperactive ball of music and useless facts who usually does anything to help my friends, usually at the expense of my sanity at times 😂

16. Have I ever wanted to tell someone something but I didn’t?; There was a time where I desperately wanted to take a risk of telling one of my closest friends just how I truly felt about her but didn’t because I didn’t want to risk ruining the friendship that meant too much to me.

17. Opinion on insecurities; They are a thing everyone experiences and should never be judged on, but I do feel like the only way to truly become better as a person is to actively work to identify and try to work on overcoming or coming to terms with them.

18. Do I miss how things were a year ago?; The constant stress, absolutely not. The friends I got to see daily and never get to see and rarely talk to anymore, all the goddamn time.

19. Have I ever been to New York?; State, yes. City, also yes. Went this past summer to see Hamilton live and my god it was one of the best shows I’ve ever experienced! ☺️

20. Favorite song at the moment?; Hardest question in the world to ask me since I listen to and love so many so songs at once. The one currently stuck in my head is Zac Brown Bands version of From Now On from the Greatest Showman Reimagined soundtrack.

21. Age and birthday; 22 and August 28th

22. Description of crush; No crushes at the current moment but I usually like women a tad shorter than me, with amazing eyes, and a personality that is fun and nerdy so we can make stupid puns and jokes to each other.

23. Fears; Only one real one and it’ll always be snakes. Fuck those venomous and scaly bastards.

24. Height; Like 5’9”-5’10”ish I think?

25. Role model; My dad for sure. He is one of the most loving and caring people I know who can be outright terrifying if he needs to be.

26. Idols; I’m not really the type to idolize anyone tbh 😅 I feel like idolization can be a tad unhealthy.

27. Things I hate; The thing I hate most in the world (apart from snakes, fuck snakes) would have to be the sound of silence (not the song I love the song). Silence weirds me the hell out and I’m not about it.

28. I’ll love you if...; I’ll basically love you if you just show you genuinely care for me and have my best interest at heart. If you do that I’ll basically fight for you til the very end.

29. Favorite films; Star Wars for a series, Airplane! for a individual movie.

30. Favorite tv shows; Brooklynn 99 is my current binge. Others tend to be Star Trek: Next Generation, Cosmos (think this is considered tv), Friends, Avatar, The Last Airbender, etc lol.

31. 3 random facts; About me I’m guessing? I can solve a Rubik’s cube in about 30sec. I can sing the lyrics to literally each and every track from the Hamilton soundtrack. And I can bake recipe for cookies I’ve had friends literally fight over blindfolded if I have the ingredients all lined out first.

32. Are my friends mainly girls or guys?; Girls mostly. Guys tend to annoy the hell out of me most of the time. Even my best friend in the world can annoy the shit out of me fairly easily 😂😅

33. Something I want to learn; How to play literally any instrument. At all. I have wanted to learn for ages but I am just not good with instruments at all.

34. Most embarrassing moment; I tend to repress my embarrassing moments a lot so the first one that comes to mind is when I was talking shit about a professors godawful and stupid teaching method after being given a test he taught us like 30% of and turning around to see him 10ft away and definitely hearing what I said 😐

35. Favorite subject; Any math or chemistry really. #chemicalengineeringlife

36. 3 dreams I want to fulfill; Fairly easy I think. Find success in an area near my family so I can stay close with them after years of being unable to. Find a partner who I can be happy with the rest of my life. And be financially stable to never need to stress about living day to day.

37. Favorite actor/actress; Actor I think Chris Pratt. Actress Anna Kendrick.

38. Favorite comedian; John Mulaney without hesitation.

39. Favorite sport; Tennis. Can’t play it for years and not love it.

40. Favorite memory; Ooh hard one. I think it would have to be the time my family went camping to a place in the middle of Nowhere, Nevada when I was younger and I was able to see each and every star in the sky like I had never been able to before. It made me start to love space and science as a whole looking into that beautiful endless abyss.

41. Favorite book; Hate this because I love reading so so much and it’s like having to choose a favorite child. I think the one I most often reread would have to be The Hobbit though.

42. Favorite song ever; Bohemian Rhapsody I would guess counts the most since it’s the one I will always go back to and enjoy. (Also if you haven’t seen Bohemian Rhapsody the movie yet it’s insanely entertaining and I recommend it hard)

43. Age I get mistaken for; With the beard grown out some age definitely mid-20s, without the beard I’ve been called 18 or younger multiple occasions.

44. How I found out about my idol; See idol question above.

45. What my last text message says; “Goodnight”, sent to a friend I was talking to as they were very close to passing out.

46. Turn ons; If you’re able to engage with me on an intellectual level and be able to just be fun and goofy with me.

47. Turn offs; Trump supporters, Naxi sympathizers, and people who refuse to accept scientific evidence for things like vaccines and climate change.

48. Where I want to be right now; In bed, which luckily I am! 😝

49. Favorite picture of my idol; See idol question above.

50. Starsign; Virgo I believe.

51. Something I’m talented at; Random useless fact storage to be used at bar trivia nights.

52. 5 things that make me happy; Being with family, listening to good music, reading a good book, baking something delicious, and long drives with deep talks with friends.

53. Something worrying me at the moment; Not getting the nice job I interviewed for after the interview going as awesome as it did.

54. Tumblr friends; I have a few friends who have tumblrs like @kylorenpunk, @thepunmaster3000, and @be-inspirational-to-others. Though any mutuals I have I would love to become more friendly with so please feel free to send me a message sometime 😂😋

55. Favorite food; Probably chicken Alfredo I think.

56. Favorite animasl; Dolphins and tortoises 🐬🐢

57. Description of best friend; Tall dude with a short trimmed beard. Musically talented in basically any instrument I can think of. Movie lover to the point of almost insanity. Funny dude who also calls me out on my extremely dumb jokes and puns all the goddamn time.

58. Why I joined tumblr; I was told about it by a friend when I needed to vent a lot and she had me make one. Vented very rarely but enjoyed the weirdness of the site.

59. Ask me anything you want (I’m guessing for who asked me this); @kylorenpunk, why the hell do you make me always do all of these? 😂😅 I don’t mind but lord does it take forever to type all this junk out.

[chelseyroseblog]

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT INTERMITTENT FASTING + MY PERSONAL RESULTS

Well Hiii there! 

Okay so INTERMITTENT FASTING. Let's talk about it. 

First of all, leave me a comment below if you've ever tried it and let me know how it went for you! I did intermittent fasting (I.F.) for my very first time like 4 or 5 years ago and I LOVED IT. I actually also thought it was super easy. I remember adjusting to it quickly and being able to stick to it for longer than I had initially planned...like MONTHS. 

Haha - not quite the story this time around. 

Okay so first of all:

What is intermittent fasting???

Most people won't call it a diet as much as it is just a new way of eating or an "eating pattern". There's a few different ways that you can do it but the idea is that you allow yourself to only eat for a certain period of time and then you FAST for the rest of the day. 

For example, if I eat dinner at 8pm and then go to sleep, then have breakfast at 10:00am the following day - I technically just fasted for 14 hours. So a lot of us are already basically doing it!!

The reason I wanted to try it again though was because I work late nights at a cocktail lounge and sometimes (okay a lot of the time) that leads me to snacking late at night. I'll nibble on some bread or some little cookies if I'm bored so I just wanted to really try and cut myself off from that in a way that would last. 

I figured if I did I.F., that I would start eating at Noon, stop eating at 8pm, then fast for 16 hours. (This is probably the most popular method). So - this is the method I went with and girrrrl it was rough haha. 

Is Intermittent Fasting Healthy?

YES. YES. YES. Like I mentioned before, a lot of us are already DOING it. Studies have shown that even people who fast every OTHER DAY still lost 2.5% of their initial body weight and 4% of their initial body fat percentage over the course of 22 days. (Study here). 

That's 3 weeks!! 

When we fast, our levels of HGH (human growth hormone) sky rocket - which is a GREAT thing! When our levels of HGH go up, we are more likely to experience weight loss, increased energy, increased mental clarity, improved sleeping patterns and a stronger immune system...just to name a few. 

Also while fasting, our insulin sensitivity improves which is always a plus because when our insulin levels are LOW, access to our fat storages is HIGHER.

Studies also show that fasting reduces inflammation within the body, it may reduce LDL's (unhealthy cholesterol), (study) supports brain health by increasing a brain hormone called BDNF and also may help prevent Alzheimer's (study). 

Moral of the story - YES, IT'S HEALTHY, and SAFE, for the most part.

The only time someone should avoid I.F. is if they are trying to become pregnant and are having problems with fertility, or if they are pregnant or breast feeding. Also if someone has had serious eating disorders in the past then it's probably not a good idea to do I.F.

Also - if you have diabetes or low blood sugar then fasting would not be ideal for you.

Anyway! You can drink coffee or tea, work out and take certain medications WHILE fasting but always talk to your doctor first. Personally, I would drink a small coffee in the am with some almond milk and that would get me through my workout! 

Although - "work out" is a relative term. I know my body so I pushed myself to MY personal limit, and if I felt like I was getting too low on blood sugar to be doing a tough workout, then I would opt for a hike instead. 

Always do feel what feels right for YOU and not what other people say they do or say is "right" or "wrong". You don't want to take the risk of passing out during an exercise, right? RIGHT. 

More of The Benefits

You might be wondering the same thing that I was before I started which was - Does I.F. slow down my metabolism?? I mean, there's so many people out there who are stuck on the idea that WE MUST eat every couple of hours and we can never skip breakfast or we'll go to hell soooo what's the deal??

I learned that studies have actually showed that short-term fasting BOOSTS metabolism (study), but longer fasts (like 3 days or more) can slow it down (study). 

While fasting your cells also undergo repair, you eat less, you lose weight, and have the opportunity to try and help prevent yourself from cancer! WINNING. 

Okay so like, where the fuck do you even start right?

Here. 

How to actually DO Intermittent Fasting. 

Like I said before you can do the 16 hour fast where you just pick 8 hours in the day where you will be eating. It doesn't have to be Noon - 8:00pm, it can be 10:00am - 6:00pm, or whatever, just do something that work best with your sched. (This is where I messed up lol, we'll get into that). 

The other 2 popular ways to practice I.F. are:

1. Mini Fasts - This is what I like to call them. This means that you fast for 24 hours once or twice a week. My only suggestion with this is, don't do it on a busy day when you have like 899 things going on. Do it on a day where you're going to be alone and unbothered so that you can be in control and not go all hangry on someone. 

2. The 5:2 Method - This is where you eat normally for 5 consecutive days, and then for the last 2 days, you consume 500-600 total calories for the day. 

1 FOR SURE WAY I.F. WILL NOT WORK:

At the end of the day, this isn't magic. No one has figured out how you can have your cake and eat it too MEANING, during the hours that you ARE eating, you still need to be reasonable with your caloric intake. 

The big reason that IF works is because you are on a CALORIE RESTRICTION. If you just don't eat for 16 hours and then go and eat even MORE calories during your 8 hour time window than you would on a normal day - then you will not lose weight. You might even gain weight lol. 

So be smart about it. 

Start with the 16 hour method and see how it goes. If you get to a point where that no longer feels challenging to you or your results have plateaued, then try the Mini Fasts, then move on to trying the 5:2 method. 

An even less direct way to begin 'fasting" would be to just skip dinner or breakfast if you aren't hungry! 

My Intermittent Fasting Results:

Hokay - soooooo. I think alternating days of fasting will be something that I try nextt!! Because the 16 hour back to back fasting didn't really do it for me BECAUSE my schedule is so insane. 

For most people the fasting is somewhat easy because they eat dinner around 8 and hit bed around 10 or 11pm like a normal person, and then get up at like 8 or 9 and then only have a few hours of conscious fasting. 

ME ON THE OTHER HAND. I work until 12 or 1am and then have to wake up at 5:30am, train someone at 7, then go to school from 8am-11am, and then workout from 11am - noon AND THEN I would try to break my fast. 

LOL. 

Guuurl.

Day 1 : I didn't get a coffee and wanted to die during my workout, then went home and had the biggest salad in the universe with 2 pieces of chicken. I was full for literally HOUUUURS, Like did not get hungry again until maybe 6:30pm? At which point I realized I had under 2 hours to eat before I had to start it all over again. 

Day 2: Woke up at 5:30 after closing last night and went straight to starbucks for a small capp. Felt better today but still noticed really low energy throughout the morning. I had the same chicken salad for lunch again and then wanted to take a nap because I just felt SO tired but I managed to pull through. 

Day 3: Same ish, different day...except, I actually wasn't starving at noon so I ended up not even breaking my fast until like 1:30! This was nice because then I let myself eat until later in the evening. I personally enjoyed some wine and included those calories in on MyFitnessPal to make sure I was still in my 1,200-1,400 calorie range for the day. I also noticed by day 3 that my stomach was flatter and my waist felt smaller.

Day 4: Started to realize I hate intermittent fasting this way haha. Also realized that not having anything to eat for 16 hours after 2 glasses of wine was a dumb idea so I caved on this morning and bought a Power Crunch Bar. I almost felt like it didn't even do anything haha. 

Day 5: I waited until noon to eat and then I decided that I didn't want to fast anymore so I don't know when my last meal was on this day. 

Basically what I learned was that:

1. My schedule is too insane right now to be doing the 16 hour fasting. 

2. I would eat such a big meal at lunch that I would end up having a smaller dinner which would screw me over because then I would end up eating MUCH less than what I wanted to which is why the mornings were so difficult. 

3. I wasn't prepared with snacks at school for when my fast broke. Honestly, I didn't bring them because I knew that if I felt like I was super hungry around 10:00am and I knew I had a bar in my backpack, I would have eaten it haha so it was better for me to not even bring it. 

All in all i'm really happy that I gave this another shot and that I was able to learn SO much more about it along the way. I'm still super interested in the benefits of IF which is why you'll see me on Instagram over the next few weeks playing around with Mini Fasts :)

Try intermittent fasting and let me know what you think!

Until next time!!!

 XXXX

[mikeshanlon]

goddd I cannot believe u have read iwwv u don't know me but for some reason we watch like.. the same shows and now books lol. anyway can I ask what were ur thoughts on the ending? like to me at least it was onvious Oliver had not done it and he wasn't gonna pull a unreliable narrator last minute (despite being an unreliable narrator) I'm talking abt the whole uhh James is a**** thing.. like what HAPPENS NEXT? is he w wren? also I feel so bad for meredith like girl love urself.. sry 4 the essay

omg yes taste!!!! Also no I’m dying to talk abt this novel so don’t apologize if anything im sorry bc I wrote way too much answering ur question LGRNLRGN

IF WE WERE VILLIANS SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT go read it if u haven’t it’s legendaric

Okay the ending!!!! AH!!!! Okay yeah so I think it’s clear Oliver did not do it, I think the ambiguity lies more whether or not James intentionally killed Richard or if it was an accident. Like, did he see Richard stumbling out in the woods hella intoxicated and think to himself that this was the perfect opportunity to get revenge for all the abuse and torture Richard had been terrorizing him with??? Did he lie to Oliver? Personally, I believe James that it was an accident… of sorts. I don’t think James set out with the intention to kill Richard at all. But Richard was goading him and fighting him and after the buildup of cruelty and tension between them over the past few months, Richard be a homophobic dick and calling James and Oliver qu*er and prodding at the most important relationship in James’ life struck a nerve. So when Richard wanted to keep fighting and hurt him again he was like fuck this and he hit Richard too hard with the hook and that in tandem with Richard being drunk caused Richard to fall and die. And, like the others, James felt awful but there was a sort of sick sense of relief.

(Also, I’m not exactly sure Oliver counts as an Unreliable Narrator. I mean he is certainly keeping some things from that detective guy but, and I was reading something from M.L. Rio about this, like he’s literally just oblivious and dumb as fuck sometimes LKGNLRGLKNRG. So idk how often he’s intentionally Unreliable but I also get what you mean)

Anyways I’m totally a believer that James is alive bc despite enjoying dark stories im like okay but I need a happy ending LGKNLKRGlkenlgneg. Like c’mon they never found the body……….. A metaphorical death and shedding of his past life bc he blames himself for Oliver taking the fall is like the MOST tragic hero Shakespearean shit ever like it just works so well!!!!!! The part where Oliver describes the last time James visited him in jail…

“Oliver I’m begging you,” he said. “I can’t do this anymore.” When I refused again, he pulled my hand across the table, kissed it, and turned to leave. I asked where he was going and he said, “Hell. Del Norte. Nowhere. I don’t know.” (343).

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDd. God. Anyways I think that was very telling of his plans. Hell (for “committing suicide”, moreso for all of his wrong doings). Del Norte is the beach that him and Oliver slept on that one night and so I feel like that place holds a lot of significance for them, but it’s a place only those two know the significance of. So, I like to think he ran away there and started a new life. He wrote that letter with the disjointed Pericles monologue I think to hint to Oliver that he was at Del Norte, if he wanted to find him, because even though his “death” was a self-punishment for ruining Oliver’s life, he still cares for him a lot and doesn’t want to be without him. Like a whole monologue about the sea????????? The fact that he literally said the monologue to Oliver while they were at Del Norte?? “To give my tongue that heat to ask your help; / Which if you shall refuse, when I am dead, / For that I am a man, pray see me buried.” LIKE WHAAAAAAAAAAT god !!!! Also water is gay<3 and in my heart Oliver goes and finds him and they like work through shit and are together.

Anyways I don’t really think he’s with Wren. Their relationship during senior year was always sort of ambiguous to me…. Like they definitely got super close, they probably were romantically involved in some capacity (since other characters like Alexander who is much more perceptive were like Oliver how did it take you this long to notice LRGNRGNK) though idk if it was like the Encompassing Love Affair Oliver thought it to be bc he’s oblivious and jealous. And also like James was very much enamored with Oliver so idk. (EDIT i just remembered they slept together LMAO but i think my point still stands) In the epilogue Wren is in London and is a recluse and doesn’t reach out to any of the Villains which like. Good for her LRGNRLG even though I hated Richard I can’t imagine like how much of a toll that took on her to see her cousin die and all their friends be like uh yeah we should let him die and then have to keep up a lie like… even though she agreed Richard was awful that has to be so heart wrenching (badumtss) and life ruining. So I think she especially wouldn’t want to be with James seeing as he essentially led Richard to fall into the lake, though I’m not sure if she knows that or not.

And Meredith!!!! Like I’ll be real sometimes she frustrates me but I think she’s also SUCH an interesting and realistic character (which is something I love about this novel, all the characters are interesting to me and I like how the female characters are portrayed.... like i LOVE Fillipa she is such a bad ass bitch but again she’s not just like. Expected to always be strong and clever like she’s got feelings too. Anyways love her). As I said before I was perusing through the author’s tumblr a bit and ppl were like “omg why did Meredith go through all the male friends” like BYEEE literally feeding into the stereotypes that made her feel insecure and weak… (Also again, they’ve known each other for four years… so its not that insane lmao). I think Meredith’s relationship with her sexuality and beauty is very interesting and relatable for a lot of women (I mean I am not. Like a seductive femme fatale like she is but LGKNKRGN). On one hand she is definitely a multifaceted person who is more than her sexuality, on the other, she’s constantly Literally Cast by Gwendolyn in sexualized roles and seen as sexualized by her friends/bf (Richard) and constantly told her worth in and out of the theatre is her body. Like there is an interesting duality about the power she possesses with her sexuality but also the extreme insecurity that is bred by being constantly sexualized and this struggle of like knowing she has worth outside of her body but also sort of … not in the eyes of others. That scene where they’re doing those exercises of their strengths and weaknesses really Hit. Anyways yes Meredith love urself queen… get a hot respectful gf… become a powerful successful legend…..

Related-ish sidenote, obviously I like James and Oliver together the most though I will say Meredith and Oliver’s relationship was interesting though ultimately unhealthy…. Like one of the aspects I like about their relationship is Oliver respects Meredith and when he realizes he is falling into that idea that Meredith is this super sexualized person he’s like hold awn that’s shitty of me… But also I think the fact of the matter is that their relationship was catalyzed by shitty stuff,,, like lust and the need for revenge. Like I honestly don’t really think they would’ve gotten together if not for the extreme animosity with Richard and the adrenaline of like that whole show run and more particularly That Night…. It feels like they got together because they were drunk and they’re attractive, which like yeah fine valid, but also, subconsciously, to be like fuck you Richard. Like, guess what I’m with the guy who you’re constantly saying doesn’t matter. And also seeking comfort and validation when their most important people are not valuing them (Richard being literally fucking awful to Meredith, James sort of pushing Oliver away—again I think subconsciously was sort of a revenge jealousy type thing where Oliver is with the person that James doesn’t really like and makes not amazing comments about being promiscuous). And then their relationship I think keeps going because like. Wow grief is a bitch and they want some comfort. Meredith is drawn to Oliver because he’s one of the only people who values her for more than just a sexual object which like is What She Deserves but their relationship is like a mess of sex and guilt and Oliver is in love with James (the parts where Meredith drags Oliver for caring more about James… iconic as she should! Like when Oliver is like sorry James is visiting me I’m not coming or when she’s like are you more jealous of him or me when they kissed for that scene….. OOP!). Anyways idk if that makes sense but I find Oliver and Meredith’s relationship interesting bc it’s not like… the worst unhealthy relationship ever or anything and I think there is genuine care and love/attraction there between them but like Oliver is never going to totally Be What Meredith deserves especially because like… he loves James more. Also the part where Meredith slaps Oliver when he gets out of jail and he’s like yeah I deserve that is so GLKNRglkenrgnrg to me.

Anyways I probably have more thots but wow. This is long. Sorry LGRNLKRGNng

[underabr0kensky]

Hey these are fun

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? — “How fucking drunk were we?”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? — Nothing, thankfully. She was kind of fucking crazy and we haven’t talked in almost a year.

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? — Yeah, but it’s not like I would leave or something. Not unless it started affecting my mental health too, and even then I’d probably stay longer than I should.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? — It’s exactly six letters, actually.

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? — Sober. Also fucking forever ago. Goddamn it.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? — I am still trying to patch that up, thanks for reminding me.

7. What does your last received text say? — “Whatever”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? — We kissed pretty frequently during the short time we were whatever we were.

9. Where was your last kiss at? — Uhh. Probably in my car in her driveway.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? — I saw my step-sis a couple hours ago, also fuck trying to keep my answers from bolding, apparently tumblr’s format is retarded.

11. What do you drink in the morning? — Depends. Water, lemonade, sometimes a Mountain Dew if I’m feeling particularly adventurous/unhealthy.

12. Where did you sleep last night? — In my bed. While very drunk haha.

13. Do you think relationships are hard? — All the ones that are worth it are.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? — I might not have quit Walmart. Eh, nothing much has happened in my life in the past 5 months. Well except getting to talk to Jess again, but I wouldn’t change that

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? — Yeah there would be some issues.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? — It depends on the day. I like rain, but not if I’m going somewhere.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? — Nope. My middle name sucks.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? — No pants. Fuck yeah.

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? — I hope so, but only if it’s with a certain person whose initials I tag a lot on here.

20. Does anyone like you? — Probably.

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? —Yup, Sadie.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? — She’s bi lol. So no.

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? — There are many people I can’t stand.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? — Yup, but there’s always something better to spend my money on.

25. In the past week have you cried? — I cry at least once a week. So yes.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? — I have fucking no idea.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? — Out. Who the fuck dries off in the shower?

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? — Nah.

29. Do you think you’re old? — I’m old as fuck bruh. I’m a grandmutha.

30. Do you like text messaging? — Depends on the person. Usually yes, but I like calling certain people way more.

31. What type of day are you having? — Eh. I got a lot of writing done, but I’m feeling pretty lonely/empty.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? — Fuck no bruh.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? — Fuck the shit out of cold and anything related to it.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? — Most of the people who mean the most to me are of the opposite sex. The most important person to me in the world is the opposite sex lol.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? — Relationship. Flings suck.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? — Pretty complicated. I’m a fucking handful.

37. What song are you listening to? — I’m actually not listening to anything! I’m laying in bed with the fans on, so I guess the sound of the fan? Haha

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? — Usually, yeah.

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? — There are like...three of those.

40. What made you start liking the person you like now? — We just clicked and I realized pretty quickly that I was gonna be hers no matter what happened. Two years without contact didn’t change that.

41. When did you last receive a text message? — I dunno, I don’t feel like checking the exact time so it was probably like 4 ish hours ago.

42. What is wrong with you right now? — I miss her a lot and I really want to talk to her.

43. How well do you know the last female you texted? — Pretty well, she’s one of my best friends.

44. Does anyone disgust you? — Plenty of people.

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? — Unless it was Jess, no.

46. Are you in a good mood right now? — No, not really.

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? — Uh. My dad I think.

48. What color shirt are you wearing? — It’s solid dark gray.

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? — Probably.

50. Anyone you’re giving up on? — There’s someone I probably should give up on, but I doubt I will

[litl-theinterview]

Stephanie Tran

1. What is your favorite thing right now? 

I'm slightly embarrassed that this isn't a deep answer. But right now my favorite thing is Noosa yogurt. I can't stop eating it to he point of buying bulk at Whole Foods (it's on sale)! 2. If money (and access) was no object, what would you buy today? 

So many things. Probably in order of priority: I would buy a brownstone, a beach house, and a wood-fired hot tub (maybe one for each place). I would also buy ceramics from BDDW, because Tyler Hays is a genius and it would make me really happy to be surrounded by his beautiful objects all of the time. I would also buy a first class plane ticket to see the Brancusi Atelier in Paris and visit the Museo Canova in Italy — not to see the sculpture here, but to see the architecture work of Scarpa. I would stay in the fanciest of hotels and order room service and drink bottles of the best champagne. 3. Have you ever gone on a pilgrimage? 

This question threw me, because no one ever asks it, and so I rarely think about it. But, yes. I have been on a real, religious pilgrimage. Every year growing up, my father tortured the family by dragging us to the Our Lady of Fatima Shrine in Lewiston, NY to celebrate Vietnamese Day. This always took place Labor Day weekend, when all I and my sister's wanted to do was run around with our friends doing American things like going to barbecues or the mall. Instead, we had to entertain tons of Vietnamese people who came from New York City where my dad lived (and who I would I later learn were my half-siblings and their mom's and extended family)...anyway, that's another story and I'm sure it subliminally had something to do with why I never enjoyed it. Also, I remember it always being really hot but having to wear our Sunday best, so that meant some kind of frilly dress, white ankle socks with lace, and patent leather maryjanes. Every year we got new rosaries, which I would proceed to throw away as soon as I got home. Clearly I just hated being forced to do anything against my own will...which is still true today. 4. What is your Kryptonite? 

That's a tough one for me to answer. I really do not know how to actually. 5. What is your favorite time of day? 

I am no longer a morning person, but I really try to be because my favorite time of day is usually the early mornings - 7am-ish - in the spring/summer/fall when I'm walking around, en route to work or the gym and it's still pretty quiet, and the air just smells really special. Dewy or crisp. But always sweet. It gives me those I <3 NY feelings all the time. 6. Do you have a go-to “power” song? 

When I think of a power song, I think of it in terms of running - what song really gets me started, what gets me moving, what gets me past the hump, and what song gets me through the finish line. That means there are 4. They translate into life power songs, too. Short Answer: 1. Planting Seeds - Built to Spill

I can listen to this song for a whole run. A whole 8-mile-run. I’ve done it many times. When I was at my fastest (which is still a jog to a lot of people), that meant a little over an hour. I am not sure how I came to this song or this band even - at some point I probably would have hated them before - his whiney voice - but for whatever reason when I found this song I immediately fell in love with it. I think it was during the end of a relationship. It felt right. And then I listened to it through that break up and the time it took to get over it - over and over, the only song on repeat for a while. I am sure it annoyed all of my friends, but it made me feel good, even though it made me feel sad. There is an endless sense of longing in it. I will never get sick of. It reminds me of a time, a bittersweet time, but when I am running, sometimes that is what I need. To get lost in that weird, sad feeling.

2. Rue the Day - The Walkmen

I had an unhealthy obsession with this band back in 2002. Ok, I still do. I love the whole album this song is on, but this song is particularly special. Listen to the lyrics. It's sexy. It's about teenagers and crushes and hooking up. Young love-ish. More longing. I am pretty sure he wrote it about his high school girlfriend that he broke up with and then got back together with years later. They are married and have kids now. I know this not because I know them, but because I witnessed it; I went to every show. So it's a sweet love song as much as it is sexy. And I am officially outing myself as a stalker.

3. Hybrid Moments - Misfits

I got into the Misfits when I was visiting someone who lived in a "skater house” and woke up in a haze from a nap and realized the same song that was playing had crept into my dream. It was a 9 minute song recorded onto a cassette over and over. Probably for the length of the tape. It was that long ago. Anyway, I kept thinking about it, but it just didn't hit me until a week later that I loved the song. My friend I was staying with didn't know what I was talking about because he wasn't there at the time. By process of elimination, he thought it was Misfits. I listened to EVERY SONG by them (that's a lot of songs), hoping I would find THE ONE. Of course in the end it was actually Danzig, not Misfits (the lead singer's solo effort), but these two songs (this one and the next) really stuck out while I was listening to the catalog. Glenn Danzig is a beast of a person, he looks scary, and he sings about creepy things; but his voice is so melodic and beautiful, and I guess I really like the contrast. Hybrid Moments usually comes on right when I need it - the height of the run when I am super warmed up and ready to go. It makes me feel like I am dancing at a punk show with all of my heart, and that feels good.

4. Last Caress - Misfits

This is one I am cautious of telling to anyone who doesn't love Misfits. The lyrics are macabre. In a time of hyper-sensitivity, I know they could be interpreted literally,  but I really don’t think they mean what they say, or anything for that matter. Hard to say. But the music and his voice in this particular song really gets me going. It would be my sprinting song. My fuck you, fuck you, and fuck YOU, I’m going to keep going song. I guess my ultimate power song, but I like having the warm up before. 7. What is your happy place? 

I have two and they are at opposite ends of the spectrum. Active/Inactive. The first is on a long run along the West Side Highway, all the way up towards the George Washington Bridge and back (to Brooklyn where I live). I haven't yet run across that bridge, but the other day I decided that it would be a goal for this summer. My second happy place is sitting in the sun, reading a book or a magazine. At the beach, upstate, wherever. Just melting into my chair. 8. If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be?

Lou, my little lap dog. What does she do and think all day? What she she feel when I'm away at work or on vacation without her? How does it feel to be so adorable and loved? What's her happy place? All of the questions you've ask here I would want to know of her! 9. What do you think you do best? 

I’m really good at getting people to open up about and explore their feelings. Selfishly it helps me understand my own! 10. What is something you do to cheer yourself up? 

I feel like I will always have a little bit of sadness in me — I've always been this way. And there is something comforting about being in your feelings when you are down; letting it sink in. That said, if I need cheering up, I’ll spend a whole month binge-watching something that makes me both happy and sad at once. Something nostalgic, relatable, comforting, aspirational. Usually about relationships and love. Gilmore Girls, Mad Men, Friday Night Lights. Love, Actually. I dive deep into the abyss of these shows (and one movie) and then I pick myself back up with some self-care in the form of massages, facials, and some form of exercise. YAWN. BARF. I know that "self-care" phrase is kind of overused and now everyone will think I am annoying, but...  11. What is the best advice you've ever been given?

This doesn't really count as advice given to me specifically, but a woman I consider a growing friend and have mad respect for (Karen Wong, the Deputy Director of New Museum) said at a panel when asked about how she presents herself, how she wants others to see her, "I don't really care about being liked. I just care about being respected."

I come back to this quote a lot. I think we can all interpret it in our own ways, and for me it's a reminder to live with integrity and in forward motion. I annoy myself by even saying that because it sounds so preachy and self-helpy. And isn't that how we should all live? But reminders are good because we don't live in a bubble and sometimes (READ: ALWAYS), life is hard.

12. Who would you like to see interviewed here? 

Fran Lebowitz. Totally serious. Please try.

Stephanie Tran is the co-founder of The New Jock, a site that explores fitness, sports, and athleticism.

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