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dangermousie · 3 years

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Case File Compendium - ch 55

Good God, these are getting longer and longer, I feel like the ghost of Leo Tolstoy, sans the beard, is possessing me.

This was hilarious! And I love that despite last night, HY does not get the balance of power permanently altered. He Yu is so very young. And underneath the madness and the rage and the violence, he still has that remnant insecurity and awkwardness that could go away with age.

If he could use a scalpel as well as he can use his tongue, XQC would be the premiere surgeon of the country. But this was brilliant! God, I love XQC so very much!

I wondered for a minute why XQC does not act more distraught and destroyed and then it occurred to me - he is literally incapable of it. This is the same person who saw mangled bodies of his parents as a kid and moved on, the same one who kept functioning when he thought the sole person he loved, his sister, was dead. And this is the same here. He already doesn’t care if he lives or dies, this won’t change that. He will do with the latest horror the same as he did with the rest of the horrors in his life - shove it in a small room in the back of his mind and padlock it, while smoking three packs in a row. It’s not healthy but it enables him to survive.

YESSSSSS! He Yu was clearly fooling himself when he was all “he is gonna hate me and this is great!” He is distraught at the thought of XQC hating him but what the hell else did you expect?! It’s like a teeny baby step on the long road of remorse and groveling MB is gonna stick him on.

YES!!!! Applause!!!! Regardless of what one thinks XQC did or didn’t do, nothing he could have ever possibly done could justify what He Yu did. Not to mention, he treated He Yu when he was his doctor to the best of his ability. (Whatever one thinks of their post-employment interactions, he was not his doctor any more.)

The other thing, I don’t think XQC is a therapist. He’s a psychiatrist. He was clearly there to monitor HY’s illness back way when but it’s to treat physical manifestations and similar. That is why so many of his interactions come from this place. Sure, he talked about HY reintegrating back into society but it wasn’t part of any specific structured therapy sessions, it was just his personal beliefs/conversations. HY needed a bona fide therapist for proper therapy. But his parents never got HY one because they only cared about him being controlled enough to not cause issues to them, they never cared about his well-being. Hell, they never bothered to get him ANY doctor once XQC left and HY was only 14. Because hey, he controls himself so who cares about mental trauma. They are the worst!

Oh God, I want to cosmically slap HY into next week. “You Honor, I drugged and raped a dude but that’s justified because I never got birthday cake as a kid.” I am imagining that as a defense in a court of law.

Yes, I am being snide and disingenuous and reductionist because He Yu’s issues are obviously way beyond that and are genuine and serious, but I have absolutely zero sympathy for a rapist telling his victim that he is the one actually wronged.

And then he says he wouldn’t tell the truth because HY couldn’t bear it.

And guess what? Last night has proven XQC right on all accounts - yes, XX should stay away from He Yu as should anyone who likes self-preservation. And yes, learning that things were hallucinations was something HY couldn’t bear (yes, it got aggravated by finding out people concealed that, but I don’t think reaction would have been in the realm of good even without that.)

I loved that bit so much and I love that He Yu was sooooo close and then wrecked it himself.

The thing is, I don’t think all of the “XQC didn’t see the strength/validity of He Yu’s feelings” is what it seems. I don’t think it’s because he’s paternalistic or weird or heartless. I think it’s a defense mechanism due to trauma. He refuses to see ANYONE’s feelings - hell, he refused his wife’s! I think once his parents were murdered, he locked his heart to survive and refused to allow anyone or anything is so as not to be hurt again. XX is the only exception and that is because she was grandfathered in, so to speak.

And then HY’s actions actually did manage to make it through to the armor. Only for He Yu’s other actions to slam that door shut and put an extra layer of protection on.

Ummm, there is nothing in these chapters that is convincing me that He Yu shouldn’t be locked up forever and instead should be allowed to be in human society.

In general, I keep wondering how XQC will get past chapter 52-53 stuff and my brain breaks. Despite the vast amounts of noncon in 2ha, it is a much easier case there. CWN of main storyline never truly had to - he kept thinking his flashbacks were not real memories but weird dreams and by the time he realized they weren’t, he learned about the flower shortly after and how none of TXJ’s actions were really his fault in close succession. CWN -.5 also learned that near the end of the 0.5 timeline and that is what allowed him to love even that warped 0.5 version of Mo Ran and to tell him to forgive himself before CWN 0.5 died. And when we look at whatever went on with CWN and zombie Taxian Jun, leaving aside that CWN himself was in part looking for the man he loved and lost and being with this tormented, destroyed, controlled version of him was the most he could have, zombie TXJ was not even a proper person to be held responsible - he was a sliver of a soul, mad and controlled and with memory and personality lacunae the size of Australia. And of course the fact that he is the way he is because he sacrificed himself for CWN hangs over everything. We don’t even need to get into “and CWN loves him” to get why for CWN this is really a non-issue.

Despite a much healthier dynamic, Yuwu is interestingly closer. Because Mo Xi x Gu Mang first time is dubcon at best. But even there, it’s a very old-school romance novel set up of “gentleman overcome by his feelings can’t control himself” (and I am not going to get into the fact that Gu Mang’s life is so devoid of love that it’s matter of fact for him to look past the method of expression and fixate instead of the feelings being shown however dysfunctionally, because it would make me depressed.) But it’s basically, intense and terrible at intractions bear child Mo Xi expressing his love/lust/obsession/admiration/devotion to Gu Mang even if in an insane way and Gu Mang is under no mistake than that is what it is and they are in mutual love with GM having the emotional upper hand in every interaction this included (in fact, when he defects some years later, one of the regrets he feels is that he was always more crucial/paramount to Mo Xi than other way around.)

But CFC - forget 2ha, it’s not even Yuwu set-up! He Yu does what he does explicitly to humiliate and destroy and hurt XQC and makes no bones about it - saying things to humiliate him throughout, acting in such a way etc etc. It’s not even a sex version of the infamous Russian proverb “if he beats you means he loves you,” it’s just rape as an act of revenge and power and degradation. (And yes, as a reader, you are aware that the reason HY glommed onto that specifically is because without getting it at all, he’s been obsessed romantically/sexually with XQC for years so he’s acting out. But there is no way XQC can get anything like that from it and even if he somehow magically could when even HY himself doesn’t get it, expressing interest through humiliating and hurting someone on purpose to hurt and humiliate is a whole other level from something like Yuwu.)

So how?!

#cnovel #meatbun doesn’t eat meat #case file compendium #yuwu #2ha

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sapphicwhxre · 3 years

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tiny pansy rant, cut short so it’s *hopefully* not too long:

i. wanted. to. see. her. change! and in my opinion the reason she never got the chance was because jkr used her character to make fun of people she disliked :/

pretty much all the other noteable slytherins had some sort of redemption arc,, and yeah they’re still mostly problematic people but they got chances: snape, draco, narcissa, regulus, slughorn, leta and technically andromeda? you get the point i just—

like miss ma’am decided to make pansy,, the like slytherin stereotype? and have her want to betray harry? she was seventeen ffs, not bellatrix lestrange. she was in the middle of a war? in my personal opinion i don’t think that she wanted to hand harry over out of cruelty like. it’s possible? but maybe she was just scared? also don’t we know that pansy was terrified at the thought of like. voldemort coming to hogwarts? again: everyone expects all of the children in harry potter to be these selfless brave individuals,, they’re kids :( yes ik it’s ya fantasy but cmon. they were supposed to be stressed about the N.E.W.T exams not the upheaval of their society?

and don’t get me wrong i know that she was. not a good person. she was a bitchy teenage bully who was taught hateful views. but i wanted to see her change even a little– even draco marries someone who presumably teaches him how to treat people equally? like. there was so much room for change: she was a prefect, she was capable of some kindness seeing as she liked draco, or alternatively, we could’ve seen her break away from draco and potentially stop hating harry/all his friends quite so much or develop her own opinions. or maybe her group of friends that she used for validation throughout her school years was uprooted during the war and she had to learn that independency? or her pointing out harry could’ve been turned into trying to be selfless, like she thought they’d be safe that way, or she returned later fighting with reinforcements to show she was on Hogwarts’ side. jkr is always like "well they technically came back to fight, if you squint » but that’s not enough. also? let’s say we did get a glimpse of her during the actual battle: there could’ve been anything, the smallest scene, that showed some sort of support or reconciliation or something between her and hermione, considering how hermione was often pansy’s target. everybody wants to see forgiveness between draco and harry because of minor events/details (i dislike drarry but that’s besides the point), but imagine what could’ve changed with some semblance of apology or assistance from pansy to hermione. there were so many chances for r*wling to give her a smallest redemption

but instead we got her characterized as evil and a stupid, cowardly traitor. she the only person we ever see her care for marries her friends younger sister. she’s the written depiction of jkr’s bitterness and her arc is jkr’s vengeance.

also, another reason that i’m so mad she got nothing is because of the whole slytherin=evil thing. she’s made into a stereotype of a “slytherin”— cruel, selfish, shallow, ugly, and asinine. (also i could rant about slytherin forever, but can we just mention that jkr consistently refers to slytherins as physically ugly and just how fucked up that is? i– wtf). but anyway: to give pansy a chance to change is to give the slytherin house a chance to change its reputation. trying to justify that the slytherin house got its redemption because of the actions of ppl like snape or regulus, etc isn’t possible. because all of those “slytherin heroes” were described again and again as being “different from all the other slytherins”. they set themselves apart by being decent. they weren’t normal slytherins, no, they were set apart, they were brave and smart and kind— not evil. there’s no redemption to be found there. i wish jkr would just fucking say that being sorted into slytherin was being made into a villain. she dodged around it with rhetorical questions and pointing out how not All of them are bad,, and then will go on to mock the other slytherins and talk about how the heroes were Not Like The Other Snakes... again: there’s no redemption of slytherin as a house, as a quality, as a concept there. it’s just the redemption of an individual.

in pansy, however, we could’ve found so much more. like i said, she’s The Average Slytherin: not a hero, not a villain like voldemort. she’s made out to be a depiction of the typical slytherin student, one without a “destiny”, so to speak. and so to give her the chance, to see her change, to have her redefine herself? that would be a starting point for restoring slytherin as a whole (obviously not the best way, and the real best thing to do would be not to make an entire house be the bad guys in the first place, but–) to have someone who’s the figurehead of slytherin (like actually a figurehead,, girl is a even a prefect) show remorse and growth gives the entire house the seed of redemption. it would mean that after over a thousand years there could be peace between the houses. obviously not the only factor in reconciliation but still so important.

and not to just continue to heap on my own issues with it, but look. i know that there are so many other ways to introduce “mundane” antagonists without making them a symbol of anything. pansy could’ve been a bitch without representing slytherin. also pansy doesn’t have to break character and become kind for amends to be made. they don’t even have to be fully made, just started. but jkr chose to:

a.) go with bullying as a minor antagonistic element

b.) create and develop a character around that theme

c.) make this character only based on her own negative personal experiences

d.) turn that character into a representation of a much larger group of people

e.) deny that character any final moment that could begin to make amends for her actions and instead, chooses to make her “defining” moment an act of evil and cowardice

f.) either neglects the character or chooses plot points that would humiliate the character in all the glimpses of the future we are shown (ex. how dracos marriage is)

g.) openly mocks and insults the character repeatedly and never directly comes out and proves she didn’t write slytherins as evil

h.) to the best of my knowledge, ignores that pansy personifing slytherin, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and then characterizing both as “bad” and not giving them a chance to grow, is a summary of her thoughts on slytherin ls and is a possible interpretation of the text (i mean her opinions are already TRASH)

i. ignores the consequences of this or the possible effect it has on her entire fanbase and doesn’t seek to remedy it

but yeah, jkr, it was such a good idea to base a character off of your loathesone memories, take your anger out on her, and that choose to have that character partially represent a large percentage of your fanbase. thank you sooooo much. i really appreciate it!

summary:

I. Pansy— deserved an opportunity to have some character development. everyone else’s mistakes get overlooked to some degree save hers. had so many places to draw inspiration/opportunity from. could’ve progressed other ideas in the book and the analysis of her house while still remaining a “dislikable” character

II. Writing— from a “technical?” aspect, Pansy is underdeveloped and stagnant, used for personal reasons instead of as a plot device. perpetuates the slytherin=bad idea via a sloppy and repetitive characterization and emblem. there are ways around this that weren’t used.

III. I have no qualifications to be saying any of this lmao. Am I reading to much into it, knowing that Rowling tends to be shitty with writing details? Am I being dramatic and repetitive? probably!

IV. Fuck JKR (for everything. she’s an awful person)

anyways this has been: my mini-rant on pansy and her analysis,,, and i am terribly sorry,, i offer my apologies in advance for randomly dumping this into your inbox. it’s long and opinionated and there’s no real reason behind it! i just thought of it and then thought about it some more and then. here we are

ilysm mwah <3 should’ve definitely done something more productive but shh😭 rat brain hours

this is everything, you're completely right. i don't have much to add but i agree all the way. and people give pansy so much shit for the harry thing but she seemed genuinely scared of voldemort coming back and i really think that she believed he would leave them alone if they gave him up. from her perspective, it's either her and the people she cares about get to live or this guy that she not only isn't close to but probably sees as the bad guy considering she dated/was best friends with draco and witnessed their rivalry from his side. did she make the best decisions? no, not at all but i see her reasons and i don't think it makes her this antichrist that jkr makes her out to be. she pulled the “he's just a boy” with draco and had people sympathise with him when he did so so much worse than pansy did so why doesn't that apply to her? she's a kid. they all are. i love harry, ron, and hermione SO MUCH but jkr really said fuck everyone who isn't them ─ especially any girl who isn't her precious hermione. she projected her own pettiness onto fictional characters who are CHILDREN and proceeded to get upset when people connected to and loved other people that she herself made. creating such an underdeveloped character and expecting people to hate her just because she imagined her as her bully is beyond immature and ridiculous. anyways. jkr take a fucking chill pill and leave my girl alone.

#pansy parkinson

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sheisbeautyweareworldass · 4 years

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I'm getting racist vibes from a lot of those anti Alastair ig comments. Like Will called Tessa a whore and never apologized but everyone still gave him a chance, but Alastair is written off immediately and he was younger than Will.

Sooooo,

I've actually written multiple times about this specific topic to the point where I think some people might believe I enjoy talking about it - what I don't - but the racism in this fandom becomes painfully obvious when it comes to Alastair.

As you said, Will pretty much called Tessa a whore, he also publicly humiliated a young Tatiana Lightwood and was, in general, a shit person to everyone except his best friend for 5 years; Jace literally said a slur, amongst other problematic stuff he did. Matthew also was a shit person in the Academy and yes, he was racist (listen to what poc say about his comments towards Alastair's appearance). I don't remember much about TMI Alec, but I'm pretty sure he made a few biphobic comments. Basically, a lot of TSC's main characters were shit people at some point.

We're supposed to have forgiven them because they have a tragic background story/a good reason to justify their behavior. Funny enough, some (most) of the shit they pulled out are not even addressed - in the books or by the fandom itself.

And then we've Alastair - the boy who many believe that should die so his regret can be real. Alastair, who yes, was wrong in doing what he did. No one is saying that it was right (even tho most of anti-Alastair stans seems to believe that we agree with his actions ☠️)

One of my biggest issues with the whole 'Alastair's redemption arc' is that, yes, it should be a thing, but I hate how CC portrayed his actions as if they were worse than Will's or Matthew's. They weren't. Their actions were problematic af and they all should be addressed, the only difference is that we saw how Alastair's directly affected other characters while we didn't see it with the others'.

Alastair was younger than most of them when he did what he did, as you pointed out, but for some totally mysterious reason, people talk about him as if he was 30 while they refer to the others as 'boys' (treating 17 years old white lads as kids and forgiving their mistakes bc of that and expecting a 15 years old boy of color to act as an adult it's also racism <3)

This isn't saying that you should forgive Alastair. Truly, you should feel however you want about him, but if you're gonna write a whole ass essay about why he's bad person, you should also hold accountable every other character who was problematic; focusing all your energy on the non-white one it's pretty telling imo.

Okay, so this post became bigger than I thought it was gonna be (because I kinda get on board really easy when it comes to this discussion 😅), but to sum it up: I agree with you, you're totally right and you shouldn't be afraid to say it out loud.

PS: I really don't get it how, for some people, believing that someone was cursed by a demon is more credible than one being traumatized by the racism they faced lmao

#what is this????#me writing another essay about alastair?#more likely than u think #alastair carstairs #tsc #tlh #chain of gold #chain of iron #answered

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parkkate · 4 years

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The Proposition

Okay, so this wasn’t planned. At all. You can blame/thank @shanceshancerevolution for this lol. They’re the one who dragged me into this fandom anyway. And they’re also the one who sent me this post, which the following is based on :) It’s slightly nsfw. Like, if I were to post it on ao3, I’d tag it M :)

Shiro looks at his phone again, just to make sure he got the right drink. He’s never heard of it before. The stranger texted him his address, which, honestly, isn’t even that far from the 7/11. He wonders who’s more desperate; the thirsty stranger or him. He hopes his arm won’t be a deal breaker. It has been before. That’s one of the reasons he doesn’t do this very often. That and the abandonment issues he really doesn’t want to think about.

“Apartment B4,” he murmurs to himself. He takes a deep breath before knocking, feeling extremely ridiculous with the horchata in his hand, which is his ticket to a blowjob. He almost considers putting the drink on the stranger’s doorstep and leaving when the door swings open and reveals—

“Lance?” Shiro splutters.

“Shiro? What are you doing here?” Lance’s eyes flick down to the horchata. And then his mouth falls open. “You’re my horchata blowjob?”

“Oh my god,” Shiro groans. “This can’t be happening.”

“I didn’t even know you live here!”

“I don’t,” Shiro says hastily. “I’m, err, off duty for a few days and… and…” He honestly has no idea what else to say.

“What a coincidence,” Lance laughs. He doesn’t seem as horrified as Shiro would have expected. “Well, I guess that’s what you get when you don’t show your face on Grindr.”

“Yeah,” Shiro says, scratching the back of his head. He assumes Lance decided not to show his face for the same reasons as Shiro; being the famous saviors of the universe can get a little tricky.

“Come in,” Lance says, stepping aside. “Err. Are you sure?”

“Of course! We haven’t seen each other in forever!”

Feeling extremely sheepish, Shiro steps inside and follows Lance to the couch.

“Oh,” he says, remembering he’s still holding Lance’s drink. “Here.”

“Oh my god, yes,” Lance cheers. He takes it from Shiro as though it’s a trophy, but instead of drinking it, he puts it down on the coffee table and turns to Shiro.

“Sooooo. This is a little awkward,” Lance laughs.

“You can say that again,” Shiro agrees.

“Well. About that blowjob.”

Heat blooms on Shiro’s cheeks. “It’s fine,” he laughs awkwardly.

“No, no. I promised to blow you,” Lance says.

Oh god, he can’t be serious?!

“That was before you knew it was me,” Shiro points out.

“A promise is a promise,” Lance says, and, to Shiro’s horror, glides down the couch to kneel in front of him.

“Lance, let’s just catch up, okay?”

“We can catch up later,” Lance grins.

“Seriously, you don’t have to—”

“What if I want to?”

Um.

“What?”

Lance smiles at him. It’s one of those dazzling smiles that leaves you a little breathless. And honestly, Lance has had that effect on Shiro long before today.

“Come on, it’s just a little blowjob between friends,” Lance purrs.

“Err, I’m not sure that’s a thing, Lance,” Shiro says, hating that his voice sounds so shaky.

“Well, just as a thank you, then,” Lance grins.

“I—”

“That’s why you came here, isn’t it?”

Shiro swallows. “I mean, yeah. But I didn’t know it was you.”

“Oh.” Lance’s face falls. “So you’d accept a blowjob from some random dude but not me?”

“Uh.” Panicking, Shiro scrambles for something to say. If only Lance knew the truth. Shiro fantasized about being with him so many times, it’s embarrassing. So yeah, technically he would accept a blowjob from a random stranger. But Lance? He can’t. He really, really can’t.

“I see,” Lance says, straightening himself. “Well, I guess I only have myself to blame.”

“What do you mean?” Shiro asks.

“I always knew I wasn’t good enough for you, but I—”

“What?” Shiro blurts. And before he knows what he’s doing, he grabs Lance by the shoulders. “That’s not true, Lance!”

Lance stares at him, his eyes wide.

“It’s not true,” Shiro repeats, willing Lance to understand. “That’s not—That’s not what this is about.”

“What is it about, then?”

Shiro sighs, letting go of Lance and shaking his head. “Let’s not talk about it, okay? But believe me, it has nothing to do with you.”

It has everything to do with him. But it would be too complicated to explain. And too humiliating.

“Okay,” Lance says slowly. Sceptically. “But look, you went to a 7/11, got me the drink I asked for and came all the way down here.” He pauses. “And I promised to blow you. What’s the big deal? Just let me do it!”

“Lance—”

“I’m really good at it!”

“Lance.”

“Come on,” Lance says with a little pout.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Lance is still pouting and he seems to deliberate something. “I really wanna do it,” he finally says. “I—I actually thought about it, back when we were—Um.”

“What?”

“You knew I had a thing for you,” Lance says with a dismissive gesture.

Ummmm. WHAT?

“Excuse me?” Shiro says, his voice much higher than usual.

“Oh. Maybe you didn’t. Oops?” Lance laughs.

Oh god. Is he kidding? Please don’t let him be kidding. But he said ‘had’. He ‘had’ a thing for Shiro. Fuck, what does that mean?

“Anyway,” Lance says, “blowing you has been kind of on my bucket list for a while. So will you let me?”

This, Shiro thinks, has to be a dream. It has to be. There’s no reality in which Lance practically begs him to let him blow him.

“Shiro?”

“Y—Yeah,” Shiro croaks.

“Yes,” Lance hisses, and immediately gets to work on Shiro’s pants.

It takes a moment for Shiro’s brain to catch up, to realize he just agreed to this. Oh god. Ohgodohgodohgod.

He gulps when Lance pulls down the zipper and Shiro’s unmissable and very unfortunate bulge is visible.

“Mr. Shirogane,” Lance grins.

“Oh my god,” Shiro groans, covering his face with his hands. This is so embarrassing.

“No, don’t hide,” Lance says, pulling his hands away from his face. “I think it’s… kinda flattering? Maybe? I haven’t even touched you yet.”

Reluctantly, Shiro looks at him, only to have the air knocked out of his lungs.

Lance is smiling at him and slowly leans down. To nuzzle his bulge.

“Oh my god,” Shiro groans again, and lets his head fall back. He tries to sit still as Lance cups his balls and places little kisses along the line of Shiro’s waistband.

This is it, Shiro thinks. This is how he’s going to die.

His notion seems to be proven right when Lance tugs at his boxers and finally pulls them down.

“Oh wow,” he hears Lance say. “This is—This is even better than I imagined!”

Before Shiro can ask what he’s talking about, Lance gets to work. Shiro’s back arches off the couch and he bites his lip to keep himself from groaning. Christ, Lance wasn’t kidding. He really is good at this.

Feeling like his heart might jump out of his chest, Shiro opens his eyes and peeks down at Lance. His breath catches when he sees Lance looking right back at him, his eyes dark and hungry. Fuck. What a beautiful sight. Shiro already knows he’ll be thinking about this a lot; Lance, kneeling between his legs. His mouth is so hot and velvety and everything around Shiro feels so tight and the press of Lance’s tongue is just right and—

“Lance,” Shiro moans.

As if in response, Lance takes his hand and intertwines their fingers. This… feels sort of weird. Intimate? Lance guides their joined hands to his head and Shiro is more than happy to bury his fingers in Lance’s hair. It’s so soft.

When Lance picks up the pace, Shiro can’t hold back his moans anymore, squirming on the couch as he feels himself getting close.

“Lance,” he groans, warningly. He inhales sharply when he feels Lance’s hand on his thigh, wishing he could feel his touch everywhere. He’s wanted Lance for so long.

“Oh my god! Fuck! Fuck!”

Shiro holds his breath as wave after wave of pleasure courses through him. He feels Lance slowly pulling away, but his hands are still on Shiro.

“Are you okay?” Lance asks, and Shiro can almost hear the grin in his voice.

Still panting, Shiro tries to revive his brain, which Lance just completely obliterated. “Dear god,” he breathes. He slowly moves his head to look at Lance, and the sheer beauty of this gorgeous man hits him like a truck. “God, I love you,” he blurts.

There’s a moment of silence, a moment filled with dread and mortification.

And then Lance laughs. “Thanks,” he snorts. “I take it the blowjob was okay?”

Shiro says nothing, still shocked by his own words.

“That was fun,” Lance says, plopping down on the couch next to him. “You have a very nice penis.”

Shiro, unwilling to say anything to that, quickly pulls up his boxers and zips up his pants, feeling a weird mixture of satisfaction and embarrassment wash over him.

“Aaah,” Lance says, the horchata in his hands. “Good stuff.”

Shiro tries to smile at him, but all he can do is stare. How is he so okay with this? How is he not freaked out? How is he—Oh.

Shiro swallows as his gaze falls down to Lance’s… well, situation.

“Um. Do you want to do something about that?” he asks, kinda boldly and very, very stupidly.

“Do you want to do something about that?” Lance laughs.

“I could,” Shiro says, his mouth, apparently, on autopilot.

“Really?” Lance asks, finally a little surprised.

“If you want to.”

“Hell yeah,” Lance says. He sounds like he means it.

“Okay, um. What do you want me to do?” Shiro asks carefully.

“What do you want to do?” Lance shoots back.

Shiro blinks at him, for once deciding not to think too hard about anything. “I want you to fuck me.”

Honestly, if they weren’t negotiating Shiro’s wettest and wildest dream right now, he probably would have fallen off the couch laughing. Because there’s horchata shooting out of Lance’s nose and he looks so shocked, one might think Shiro just told him Kaltenecker is actually a cat.

They stare at each other for a long moment, in which Shiro contemplates jumping out of a window.

But then, Lance clears his throat. “I can do that,” he says, his face more serious.

“Yeah?” Shiro says, hope and warmth bubbling up inside his chest.

“Yeah,” Lance smiles. “Let’s see how much you love me after that.”

#shance #voltron #writing #i cannot believe this is the first thing i am posting for this fandom #its technically not the first thing ive written for it #but im still working on that #anyway #dear shance fandom #please accept this humble offering :)#its silly #but it was very very fun to write :) <3 #and thank you summer #we both know everything i write is basically for you at this point hahaha #ily <3

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aperfecttimeforscreaming · 4 years

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AN EXCHANGE OF MEAT

Late valentines day ZADR drabble, extremely nsfw, takes place in the #izspacetrash universe NSFW 18+ Warning: Petplay, Zussy, Choking, Power play, Power theft, Over-stimulation, flirtatious bullying

Back on Irk, coupling is illegal. It’s a big deal for humans because they can’t name a rock without forming an emotional attachment, for Irkens however, there’s no reason for the law to even be in place. As a species we have evolved past the need to interact with others. Every individual in the empire has the potential to be a sturdy, self sustaining island unto themselves. We’re built better than every sentient stain in all the known everything!! We have YET to encounter anything that even compares to our size and MIGHT. The last fertile cluster of Irkens died out a thousand decades ago. Every irken is cloned and easily replaced if not functioning at maximum capacity.

So, the desire to do more than indulge yourself is...low. There’s no reason to involve another irken in the matters of ones…..self congratulation.The practice of an EMOTIONAL and spiritual coupling fell out of favor long before we learned to control our natural impulses.

If this is all true (and it is), how can I feel so much for the vicious neanderthal that calls me his? Dib was working on one of his drones as I sat in the dark pocket of the lower bunk bed, the bed itself built into the wall of a home on wheels. Dibs white rectangular fat assed Arr Vee was parked behind a dunky doughnuts so that we could stay out of the sightline of main roads and siphon power to recharge the vehicles battery. See, the outside of Dibs roaming home looks like any other shitty old caravan. In fact, it is more like Dib’s own mobile base. The battered shell outside the chrome and black and blue innards of the crisp sterile mobile lab are no more than a clever disguise. An infuriatingly smart trick. It’s a trick wrapped around stolen Irken technology and it’s to our collective benefit that everything stays hidden. It’s more comfortable being a prisoner, knowing that Dib has become secretive of his most prized belongings. Legs crossed, back pressed to the wall, chin in hand I was thinking my thoughts.

My hand drifted down my neck to trace the soft top edge of the lined matte black metal collar locked around my neck. I felt at the difference in texture between the soft barely there fuzz on my skin and the smooth cool metal. It had been locked there for thirty one days, ten hours, six minuets and eleven seconds. It’s some fluke of nature that Dib is as smart as he is. At one point in my career as an invader I theorized that as humans grew taller, their brain shrunk to make up for the increase in body mass. With Dibs lineage, this is less so. As an adult he is only more cunning, more dangerous, more cloyingly obsessive, more driven. He neglects his sleep to work. He works with the single minded diligence of an Irken researcher. His drive to excel in his field transcends the greasy smelly differences between our kinds. The efficiency he commands my own technology with rivals that of a practiced PAK technician. He’s studied the things I left behind on earth for 14 of his years, and it shows. With a single steady bare claw I traced the shape of the emblem embossed onto my collar tag. Dibs skull shaped symbol, displayed in shiny silver across the front of my neck at all times. An unnecessary humiliation that marks me as one of many stolen treasures. I feel its shape on the bare pad of my finger and silently kiss my teeth, stung by the reality that Dib thought of it first. If the world was just, if things made sense, things would have been flipped, things should have been different. If I really am the more advanced life form, I have no excuse for his subjugation. Thirty one days, ten hours, seven minutes and forty fucking seconds.

From my dark hideaway I could see him, hunched over his desk with the posture of a scoliosis king. A bright white desk light illuminates the front of him and reflects off the cobalt blue shine of his protective eyewear. The blue strips of emergency LED light that mark out the floor area catch the underside of his form, and stripe the wrinkles of his sloppy mechanics smock in toxic blue slivers. Through the gap in the curtains in front of him, I could make out a flickering yellow street light. Dibs sigh broke through the silence. He set down his tool and leaned back in his chair, away from the open shell of the drone he’d been repairing. I watched him drag a long fingered skeletal hand back through his greasy weird hair, and watched the unruly sprig of bone and black people fur spring back up as his hand passed it. “You’re quiet.” The human announced, obviously. Before he could twist the rotating chair around to face me I let my hand fall into my lap and folded both hands neatly together. “My brain is loud.” It needed no explanation, but Dib had demanded the cause. Slouched back in his chair, I watched him copy how I had my fingers folded into each other. His eyebrows arched high on his forehead and crinkled his sweaty brow. “You’re thinking? You’re capable of thought?” He’d lick his loathsome incisors and grin. “Damn, I’ll have to correct my notes. I thought the metal parasite on your back did all that for you.” “IT’S NOT A PARASITE! I TOLD YOU! It’s as ME as the rest of ME!” The corners of Dibs eyes crinkled with delight as he watched me retrace the fact. “MY PAK stores the thoughts of my brain jelly- it’s not responsible for my depthy, nuanced original thoughts. It’s all to my benefit. Your simple animal mind can’t BEGIN to perceive the archives of information, understanding and theorizing, locked away between my two magnificent thought centers.” On my knees at the side of the bed, I pointed to my skull, illustrating the thing Dib wished to understand but could never fully unravel. He reached up to peel the lenses of the goggles from the hollows of his eye sockets. As Dib deftly replaced them with the large circular frames of his glasses, he spat noise at me. “You’ve beaten that dead horse to a pulp, Zim. I don’t think your PAK is any different than a circuit board hardwired to the brain of a roach. You’re just as animal as I am. Only, your issues stem from being part evil cyborg, and mine stem from trauma.” Sunny as a blistering summers day, he grinned at me. Smugness radiates from him like pulsar blips, and my innards are assaulted by tight gripping trembles. I tense my core muscles to keep my tymbal from rattling at the slightest provocation. With my antenna pitched slightly forwards, I can smell the pheromones on his sweat. I crossed my arms over my chest, raised my chin, curled my lip at him to flash fangs. “Tch. Zim is no creature. You’re the animal here. You have the technology to advance yourselves into a race of space faring monstrosities, and yet all you want to occupy yourselves with is the pursuit of earthly pleasure. Your kind construct elaborate rituals just to try and rutt against each other. It could be so much simpler!!!” Dib scratched his chin, nonplussed. “Yeah, I never really got all that either. We do have dating apps and that can simplify things if you don’t account for catfishing, and people who straight up lie about themselves just to get their dick wet.” I grimaced at the mental image of a wet human phallus. I re-contextualized the image in my head and imagined the organ as Dibs. I bit the inside of my cheek. “Sooooo… what? As you get older you stop exchanging meats, and instead swap false personal information?” Dib laughed, quick and dry, brimming with unearned superiority. “Oh, fuck- what you mean like what we did back in grade school?” He sat up, leaned in closer to me. Elbows folded on his knees he hunched closer. I could smell his breath on my antenna. Coffee and sugar and bacteria filled my senses and the stalks flicked quickly backwards at the olfactory intrusion. “Yeah I don’t really know why we did that. I have a theory it’s all metaphorical, some kind of mind manipulation game the government was playing with kids to get them to associate “love” with “flesh”. I mean, you know what “meat” alludes to, right?” My face screwed up as I searched my brain for obvious answers. “MMHhn. HHHMN. Pain? Obviously, pain. Emotional...badness.Maybe hormone tampering. Disease?” Dib was already getting out his phone, snickering to himself as he does when he knows something I do not. I kept going. “Death? Blood? Salt? Disgust? The inevitability of the cycle of consumption? How you’re all doomed to be slaughtered by a greater predatory force?” “No. No- what?” He cocked an eyebrow as he looked back up at me. I wanted to rip the piercing out of it. “No. Shut up and look at these.” Dib held out his portable telephone slab to me and on it I saw a digital gallery of meat related memes. The phrase “beat my meat” was prevalent. There were photos of hammers pounding sickly off grey slabs of deceased pig muscle, and a man dusting a sprinkling of salt or spice over a carved rib of bovine corpse.

My head pulled back, giving me the appearance of multiple chins of disgust. My gut churned as I turned my head away. “Why would you show me those??! THEY’RE REVOLTING!!”

Dib frowned, irritated, and put his phone away. “The “meat” those memes are talking about? It references human JUNK- y’know, genitalia? The memes aren’t talking about actual dead farm animals. And, that’s what I’m saying.” He put his large warm hand on my shoulder and continued, sure to hold my eye contact as he put the curl of his thick broad thumb against my cloth covered collar bone. I tensed my guts to keep my tymbal from rattling. “The government has skool children trade literal meat, so we get the idea early on that we’re supposed to exchange our "meat" with people we're attracted to. So that way, we learn to breed, and the men in power get more workers and soldiers and grease for the wheels of their self destructing machine.” My eyes flicked to look at his hand- the long pale olive fingers, the beaten fight scarred knuckles. My gaze then returned to Dibs humorless expression. “That’s a… problem?” Dib groaned, he rolled his eyes, he took his hand off my shoulder.

It slid down to my hip, his free hand mirrored the motion and I was lifted up from the bed and onto my humans lap. He held me there and growled at me in frustration. “YEAh! Zim! It’s a problem! If people are going to have sex it should be their own choice to do so, it isn’t something we should be culturally brainwashed into accepting! And we don’t NEED to do it! Some people are asexual- some people don’t want children and-” Dib rambled, on and on, laying out the injustices of an archaic capitalist system reliant on the breeding whims of its workers. I couldn’t help but wonder how much of the argument was fueled by Dibs xenophilic leanings and revulsion towards his own kind. I gave less than a quarter of a shit about the very political tangent my human was going off on, but I did like how Dibs lap made for a nice sitting surface, and how the heat of his angry body felt against my skin. As Dib spoke I smoothed out the front of his damp black wife beater absentmindedly, my expression unmoved. As my hand rested in the center of Dibs chest, I patted him, I then mock pouted at him. “Poor Dib, how he’s been rejected by his own kind at every turn. How hard it must’ve been for you! Brainwashed into needing the fuck, harassed by the need for fuck with noooo options for how to obtain it!!”

That got him to glare at me, and my spine tingled for it. I grinned as he countered; “You’re missing the point.” And I kept going. “Addicted to the unknown feeling he can never hope to attain, his vile monster meat might have shriveled up without the wetness- like an unwatered flower! Like a rotting length of carrot! Like a bundle of seaweed on a beach, growing drier and nastier the longer it’s left alone, collecting nothing but mold and botfly eggs and-” Dib grabbed me by the throat. His hand closed around my throat. He gave a warning squeeze as he told me to shut up and I peeped in response.

Lowly, my tymbal rattled.

Dibs narrowed angry eyes softened as he caught the surprised chirp of arousal.

The words on my tongue stalled at the tight curling of his long fingers as they overlapped my neck.

“Even if that was how things worked, I’m not at risk of that anymore, am I?”

Dib looked at me with a gaze that implored an answer, and I shrugged coyly. As he frowned and squeezed harder I gagged, my stomach fluttered and a chirp rattled out of me far clearer than the first.

"Mhhn. That's what I thought."

Dib hummed, his human purr was deep and infuriating. He used his free hand to shift my placement on his long thigh, so that I straddled his thigh as he choked me. My eyes began to water as he raised up his knee and gently bounced my vent against his leg.

There is nothing playmates can do for eachother that a squidgyblit cannot also achieve the end goal of. However, being choked while your nemesis grinds your pleasure center against his leg hits differently.

I moaned with a grimace. I scowled at him as he drew another choked out squirm from my body. Unpleasant as the sensation of constriction around my throat was, we both knew the short term strangulation wouldn't kill me. It was a comfortable routine and Dib continued his gloating games.

"You think you can resist all this? You think you can resist the urge to get absolutely wrecked- by someone who's going to lovingly put all your pieces back together when he's done? You need me as bad as I need you, you fucking moron."

He’s wrong. I don’t need him. But, his games are so amusing, they’re so entertaining. It’s such a thrill to be obsessed over. If he ever knew that, it would all go to his head. As bad as he already was, there was ample room for things to get worse. Dib pressed his fingers up underneath my jaw and held my mouth shut. My growl came out as a choking sound, I tried to open my mouth wider and he put his free hand on my shoulder as a threat. “Shhh. You don’t need to talk right now. Why don’t you show me what you want?” I glared, I tried to hack out a rebuttal, but he didn’t want that. Pink heat spread across the skin of my face plate, I chirped and ground my slick vent slowly against the black jean fabric of his thigh. In doing so, I inspired an unhinged smile to pull across his gaunt snout.

He released my throat and my posture bent, towards him as I gasped. My throat opened back up, and my PAK hummed softly as it began to replenish its oxygen reserves.

Dib patted my warm cheek with his hand. “That’s a good boy.” He mocked softly. I was well within my right to bite him. His hands settled on the bone of my hips, I watched his eyes pass over my head and point towards the bunk behind me. The curious gentle twitching of my antenna caught the heat of his words as they stood on end, and I lifted my chin to glare up at him. “Is that really what your brain was being so “loud” over? You’re still angry about our arrangement?” My lip twitched, it’s downwards arch could not have been more dramatic. “HOW could I not be mad about it? You know better than ANYONE what a powerful beacon of mayhem my existence is- that I can be controlled by someone as misshapen and weasley as you is a blistering amount of shame for Zim- full offense.” As I spoke his fingers laid over the small of my back, he rubbed along my tense lower spine and his gentle ministrations forced my aggressively postured antenna to lower. “Oh, full offense taken. But I know you’re happy about it. Deep down, somewhere in your cold blooded brain, there’s a tiny Zim just glowing over how it feels to be fully appreciated. You’re a hideously evil space terror, I can’t take that away from you by loving you. And I wouldn’t want to.” The heat in my face wouldn’t stop, the fluttering sickly feeling in my guts wouldn’t go away. Like knotted strings being unwound or spider web being gently tugged by a trapped fruit fly, the vibrations of his words unwound my nerves. I had to look away from him to speak, the weight of his useless human affection was too heavy to bare the brunt of head on. It was blasphemy that something a horny ugly alien said to me could mean more than the approval of any tallest. “MMMhhNNG. Stop making words.” I growled politely. Dib chuckled without malice, he curled in over me to press his lips to the crest of my skull. “You love serving me.” “Phheh. Zim loves nothing.” “You love what I’ve done to you, Zim. And I can prove it.” Dib lifted me up to move us onto the bunk bed, and bumped the front of his proportionally massive head against the shelf of the top bunk. “Fuck-ow,” “HAH!”

I reached up to hit the button on the bottom of the shelf, and the top bunk folded up against the wall behind it. As the mechanical components hissed, Dib rubbed his five head. “Yeah? That’s funny? You think your master getting brain damage is just hilarious don’t you?”

“If my “master” (I used my fingers to make mock air quotes) is dumb enough to turn his brain to garbage when we aren’t even under attack, he’s not showing mastery over anything, is he?” Dib dropped me out of his arms and onto the bed, I landed with a yelp of surprise though the impact came painlessly. “HEY!”

With his teeth clenched and his eyes narrowed Dibs hands flew over my body, grabbing and groping, pulling off boots and leggings, striping me of the new uniform I’d been given, replacing dark blue cloth with an expanse of green skin. There was ample evidence to suggest Dibs need was as urgent as my own, from his feverish actions to the telltale tenting at the front of his tight emo boy pants. He needed me. I gave a quick shiver twitch at the feeling of air on my exposed skin, and hissed at him. He pinned my chest down with one hand, and sneered at me as the other cupped over my pelvis. “Your standards are way too fucking high for someone who screws up constantly.” I grinned at him with challenging eyes as my legs folded up and opened. “Where would your challenge be if I lowered them, Dib?” His middle finger split the wet slit of my vent open. He traced the sensitive pink interior and I had no choice but to draw in an afflicted breath. The finger slid deeper, he brushed the base of my wriggling dwarf ovipositor, and the distraction sent my antenna fully back. “You, crave conquest.” I crooned, distracted. Sensations continued. I felt the shivers of pleasure in the back of my teeth, my tymbal rattled with quick twitching clicks each time his middle finger teased the inch length of my pink wiggly hot button. “You don’t know what I crave, Zim.” I cackled, light and airy and I gripped the blankets beside my face. I bit my lip and looked at him. His thumb slid into my slit and he gently pinched his fingers around my “dick”. I gasped sharply. I kicked out a heel as he pressed firmly enough to make me whine. I could not help how my eyes wanted to roll back into my skull at the continued friction, but I swear I caught the reddening of his cheeks before vision became meaningless. I do know. I chirped, I moaned, I rubbed my cheek into the soft blankets stained with floral detergent as the tingling feeling of goodness rolled from my loins up the rest of my body. I felt good, and I made it LOOK good. Dib likes to watch me writhe, and in return he rubbed over and over, again and again he rubbed, till it seemed I was breaching a new level of tingly bliss with every passing second. “But, I know what you want, don’t I?” I groaned in disagreement, his fingers stalled on my sex, then his thumb rubbed small twitching strokes at it’s base. I trembled all over at the teasing agitation, and breathed out hard. “MHn, you’ve… got AN idea, of it.” Dibs motions were less practiced as he set out to release his tube steak from it’s denim cage, but he didn’t move his hand from the source of my sultry keening sounds. He wouldn’t, I had been so SO fucking good to him. Letting him work uninterrupted without a single complaint of boredom. I hadn’t tried to attack him in DAYS. It was a personal best record at the time. I was overdue for a reward.

“UHM, EXCUSE YOU??” Dib took his hand out of my vent and I sat bolt upright on my elbows, glaring at him in a sex flushed daze as I watched him inch the clothing down his nearly non-existent ass. “I WAS BUSY. Who said you could STOP?”

He pushed me back down, grabbed my leg and sharply fixed himself between my open thighs. “I’m not stopping, you know I’m not stopping you shrill shitty bedbug.” It spiraled into more routine. In the act of copulation I could always count on the sensation of his fingers sliding into my orifice to pull it’s tight walls steadily open. I could feel all the bumps and ridges, the rough calluses, the finger pad curling around my core and pulling delicious sensation from the thing inside me that made my guts twitch and tremble and rattle like a sack of angry crickets. It didn’t take much. I didn’t need long, and he wasn’t willing to hold off from indulging in the ambrosial clutch of a wanting Irken tunnel. I groaned as he withdrew three of his fingers from me, pulling with them a thin strand of pinkish slick that broke and collapsed over my cleft. I trembled, I hissed in disgust with myself as Dib aligned the head of his extraterrestrial shaft with it’s destination. As he looked down on me, he commanded. “Beg.” “What?” My head cocked, one antenna lifted while the other lowered, my hand reached up to wipe the pearling sweat from my brow. “Really???” He ground his length into the gooey mess he’d left my vent in, I grit my teeth as my tymbal rumbled. “Yeah. Really Zim.” “Mhgghh.” Eyes closed I tensed as the friction of dick on dick action swayed my compliance. “ Plleeeeeaaaase.” “Please what?~” I tried to scowl at Dibs goading, but his grinding made me bite my own tongue. “You have to say it, pet. I won’t give it to you unless you ask properly.” The nickname is a scorning stinging wound that burbles and pops like a pollution born wound, it feels like a hot sudden burn, it catches me the way his fingers do when they clamp around my most intimate points. In the most pathetic of tones and volumes, I answer my mate; “Please, please fill me with your cum, master Dib.” I was rewarded by a hand coming to stroke across my skull. He cradled the dome of my head and caught one of my antenna stalks between his fingers. With the same care he gave my cock, he gently strokes the black hairs to reward me. “Good boy. Good bug.” When the rutting commences sense tumbles out the window in a broken screeching fury, like an escaped chimp on meth, like a rat on fire making a break for water. I lose my fucking mind to the reactions of my body. The vehicle rocks under us with the power of Dibs mighty thrusts.He fills me so deeply with his oversized ovipositor, I can feel his pulsing want bulging against the skin of my stomach at full hilt. When he finally spills in me I am so wound up that I have already hit my climax twice over. I snarl, I lean into him and the lips I have put to his salty skin part so I can taste his sweat on my tongue. My jaws open wider, and as Dib grunts, at the height of his peak, I bite hard enough to puncture his fragile skin on the edge of my teeth. The red taste of metal is smeared over my lips, on my tongue, over the pasty tan palette of his shoulder muscle. Dib hisses air in through his teeth. “You couldn’t- you couldn’t help yourself, could you?” His panting breath stalls his words, a red tinted smile spread across my fuck drunk face. I licked my lips as I replied, and watched a thin trail of human red meet up with the black fabric of his shirt and diffuse into it.

“No, no I couldn’t.” I hummed back at him. In the state of high endorphine swing I am not fully myself. Everything was brighter, lighter, more exciting. A hazy happy drugged exisence takes hold of me and sways me to Dibs whims. As he pulls out of me, he sighs with a shivering buzz. “Then, you’re not done yet.” In a matter of minutes Dib is redressed while I remain naked, wrists and ankles shackled to the four rectangular points of the bunk via metal shackles that the walls of the Arr Vee spat out. I was only just beginning to come out of my fogy mental state when my human retrieved a black blunt vibration wand from a drawer of tormenting devices. Over the following hour I grew more and more delirious as Dib wrung my body out for increasingly mind crushing orgasms. Things stopped having meaning, Dibs taunting words lost their sense, and I rattled straight through to my bones. That I could not pull my limbs in towards myself and protect my body from the assault of sensation had at one point been disquieting, but then and there, it encouraged me to let go of my resistance. I had let go of my fruitless delusions, I had given myself up to Dib, and Dib did not stop till I was crying with the intensity of multiple peaks.

It made up for everything else that had happened. The blinding beacon of his smothering affections absorbed me in it’s garish embrace as he unshackled me from the walls. He cleaned me, he held me in a folded blanket till the shaking of my overwhelmed body stopped. My prickly insults bounced off him like harmless pebbles of sand. The Dib stroked over my antenna, groomed them with the sex scented oils of his fingers, the Arr Vee reaked of the smell of our sins. Accepting Dibs terms of affection is illegal, but I’m defective anyways, aren’t I?

#screaming//#izspacetrash #zadr #zadr fuck fick because in this they bone #no fuckin minors allowed

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my-name-is-apollo · 5 years

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Okay! I finished reading the tyrants tomb and over all! I liked it a lot! Of course there are inconsistencies, some mistakes on Rick's side, and of course things that I didn't like because I'm a mythology fan, but whatever, the story kept me going and I finished the whole book in a day (which I usually don't). So! Here are my thoughts, in no particular order:

- My queen Reyna was SLAYING! Literally y'all! I've never loved her more!

- All ships please step aside, the only true ship we need is Apollo x Arrow of Dodona

- seriously though can we appreciate how encouraging the arrow was?

- ugh Ugly Sobbing at Jason's funeral! UGH!!

- again. JAASOOOONNNN!!! 😭😭😭😭😭

- Oh god Apollo go ahead and adopt Frank already!

- When Frank said he can't imagine a world without Apollo in it! My heart made a somersault and exploded into dust!

- I mean lets be honest, literally all the Apollo Frank interactions were good & wholesome

- LAVINIA! I love her! aksjekwkw! Lesbian! Yes!

- Meg and Apollo! MEG AND APOLLO! Meg saying she doesn't wanna lose Apollo too! Apollo saying she was like his own lil sister! 😭 I can't! So pure!

- When Apollo said "Come here...please" had Meg fell into his arms 😍😭💕💞💖💓💕💓

- OH ARTEMIS FINALLY FUCKIN CAME! But why you leave arty, not fair :/

- Apollo saying his favorite physician is Asclepius! You can really feel the love and pride he has for his son!

- Grandpa Apollo 😂

- Chiron, I want your playlist rn-

- I was irritated with Venus. Is it just me or the way she humiliated Apollo in front of everyone even though he'd done nothing was suuuper annoying? (I mean maybe she meant good, but still, ugh)

- Why DID DAKOTA DIE??? 😭 he was my favorite minor character!!

- I was sad to see Peaches weak! He gets better, hopefully!

- I'm really glad Apollo said that even as a god he didn't like issuing prophecies he didn't even want to hear for the sake humans. It really gives insight on why Apollo neglected oracles in the first place. Boi was just! so! tired!

- yo Apollo's monologue about his love life had me fucked up, I was so sad when he asked himself if he had ever kept his loved ones safe.

- coming to know about Apollo's past problematic actions had me like, yeeeah boooiii, here we goooo

- Oooohhh Apollo being called out for what he did to Koronis 👀 that was some good shit. But I hope that, while remembering what a dick Apollo had been to her, the fandom will also remember that Artemis was also fucked up in this case.

- (also I don't think Apollo knew Koronis was pregnant? still, definitely shouldn't have gone that far)

- I didn't like how Apollo called it a "curse" on the sibyl. It wasn't. She asked for immortality and he gave her. When she refused him, Apollo didn't curse her, he just pointed out how she'd grew old as usual like a human, and hence suffer from old age. (But yeah his well intentioned gift itself became a curse to her so-)

- Idk why Harpocrates was ever connected to Apollo, it made no much sense from mythological point, but whatever.

- Apollo being a bully seemed odd to me but then I remembered the gods bullied each other all the time (Apollo even mentioned that they were ready to kill each other)

- Harpocrates x sibyl though?? Idk I laughed way too hard but the way they ended was really beautiful

- WHEN REYNA LAUGHED! Omg I was experiencing second hand embarrassment for Lester but gosh I'm so glad it turned out the way it did. I really liked that scene!

- I don't know how to feel about Reyna joining the hunters, but I'm not complaining.

- I LITERALLY CRIED WHEN I FOUND OUT FRANK IN FACT ALIVE AKSJEKSJJSSJ my baby boy! He is alright after all!

- The whole healing Reyna's heart kinda fell flat to me... I mean it was good, but I guess I had higher expectations (not ApolloxReyna, ofc, but like,,,,something else,,,idk what)

- Apollo still thirsting over Commodus *sigh* boy get your head back 😂

- Ella and Tyson are so precious please treasure them y'all

- omg Apollo fuckin KILLED Commodus with his voice!!!! Omfg-

- APOLLO GOT HIS BOW BACK!

- Terminus adopted Julia!!!

- DON! 😭 why???!!!

- I totally agree with Apollo on Jason's death being so fuckin unfair! 😭 Especially when Leo and Frank could escape from theirs!!

- Hazel was SO BADASS I can't even-

- Thalia was so mature in handling the situation. Lmao Apollo haters wanted her to tear him down but guess what losers? she's not a kid like y'all

- hey how the fuck was Lester even awake till the end? With that zombie wound, the car crash, his stamina gone, and burnt wounds? Not to mention the times he straight up stumbled into a tree or fell down.

- it's sooooo strange that Apollo doesn't have Roman kids. On the whole, it seems like Apollo doesn't do well in Roman pantheon, even his sister is distant from him there. Since he is the same in Greek and Roman form, I think he actually witnessed all the time how much the gods change, even the ones close to him (Artemis). It's like, he is constant while everyone else is changing. That's kinda sad. I wonder if the Roman side of his family gives him a harder time?

- I know I was big on "no romance for mc in this series" but you know, I'd like to see Apollo being happy in love for once. At least at the end of series. Ugh. Idk Rick, bring Hyacinthus back to life or give us Litpollo or smth please. (I'm p sure I'll change my mind about this later lmao)

________

'kay, from here I'll be speaking outside the series, so if you don't wanna read a mythology nerd ranting about how badly Rick Riordan needs to have a mythology lesson on Apollo, skip this part! (I completely acknowledge RR's right to interpret the gods as he wants, but I'm still bitter™)

- I really dislike the way Rick writes Apollo! He's the god of knowledge ffs! He'd know a lot of things! He is Lord of wolves! He should know the language of wolves! Like it's so fuckin ridiculous when he says I'm the god of prophecy doesn't mean I understand all prophecies. Though you can give the excuse of his limited mortal memory, it still seems like Apollo's smarter side is being downplayed a lot by RR.

- He's also one of the bravest gods, so when Rick writes him being scared / having memories when he was scared even as a god is 😒

- The whole "oh I never regretted this until now", "I never thought of this until now" seems very exaggerated and honestly, very fake. Apollo has lived for so many years. He has been human before. He spends a lot of time on earth to not know certain things he didn't know in this book (and series). He is one the friendlier gods, you'll find so many cases where he helps mortals in need. He is the protector of children and youth too! So like this entire "I came 10 years after a mortal prayed to me", "I didn't think demigod lives actually valued", "I didn't know humans felt like this" sounded like F grade bullshit to me. It is gods like Apollo, Hermes and Dionysus who would actually know mortals better than any other gods.

- just basically the trend of Rick Riordan writing off gods as ignorant being who never cared for anyone irks me a lot.

#the tyrants tomb #tyrants tomb #the tyrants tomb spoilers #tyrants tomb spoilers #toa spoilers #trials of apollo spoilers #meg mccaffrey #lester papadopoulos #jason grace #frank zhang #hazel levesque #reyna #apollo #pjo #toa #hoo #thalia grace

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annashipper · 6 years

Text

Megapost Nr. 5 - May 17th 2018

Nonny Nr. 1: I wonder how much it costs Ben to hire these paps to show up at airports and family events?

Anna: I assume he doesn’t pay for the paps. He does them a favour by giving them a scoop and they do him a favour by putting the pics up for sale and hoping they’ll get picked up by the tabloids. It’s a win-win. Well... unless you consider Ben’s integrity, in which case it’s a win-win-lose :o/

Nonny Nr. 2: I have to say, I’m with that nonny number 10. It’s crossed my mind on countless occasions that I’m wrong, that the babies and marriage are real, and bens paranoia over the subject is just humiliation over his family not forming from true love. Then we get these so. Fucking. Obvious arranged pap shots that is zip right back into knowing it’s all fake and it’s all to get people talking back and forth cause I dunno he can’t sell on his own anymore or something. It’s all fake.

Anna: I’ve tried sooooo hard to talk myself into believing this whole thing is real far too many times Nonny. I’ve even tried to disregard all of the weird belly inflating / deflating / remaining stunted / deflating / inflating to ridiculous proportions / remaning stunted for the last trimester of gestation from the Pilo pregnancy back in 2014-5, and still nothing makes sense when you take a step back and try to look at the bigger picture.

The moment it became impossible for me to argue back and forth with myself and / or play devil’s advocate while discussing the showmance with other Skeptics bts was when he went on record during his Vanity Fair interview for Doctor Strange and stated matter of factly that his wife and (then only) child are not a PR stunt.

Eveything that’s been said / happened since is just static to me and I’m just along for the ride, waiting for Ben to come to his senses and end this charade.

Nonny Nr. 3: Quick! I bet the pr machine are already finishing up an article calling Sophie pretty!

Anna: Nonny, not only did they not call her pretty, they didn’t even call her pins stunning (as is the Fail way). Granted, she’s wearing trousers, but still... BUMMER! :P

Nonny Nr. 4: Wait, so let me get his straight. Ben supposedly travels w his family everywhere, making sure that they are always w him, but he makes them travel on other planes because we never see them at the airport, and one time we finally see both parents and these two can’t manage their kids together? Huh?

Anna: “HUH?” indeed Nonny!

Nonny Nr. 5: Why do you spend so much time expressing hatred towards someone you don't know and who doesn't affect your life at all? Is this the best use of your time on this earth?

Anna: Let’s flip your question on its head Nanny Nonny, shall we? :D

Why do you spend so much time reading Skeptical blogs, sending in anonymous asks expressing your aversion to what Skeptics have to say when no one cares for your opinion and/or asked for it? Is this the best use of your time on Tumblr?

Nonny Nr. 6: Even if they were to hire kids to fly w them, it would be too complicated. the real parents would have to be there, or there would have to be a note from the parents giving permission for them to take the kids over seas. the kids real passports would be used. its too risky. that on top of blurred faces giving away an arrangement w the paps (in the US) vs non blurred faces giving away the older boys real identity. its too risky. they won't be seen at an airport. if they are, not where docs checked meaning, if we DO see the kids, like the one time we saw one kid at the airport, just like that time, it won't be anywhere near the gate where passports are checked. you won't see them carrying the kids through security giving the people the kids passports, or if you see them carrying kids off a plane, we won't see them getting ON the plane w the kids. the only thing they could do is board sep, the kids w the real parents, then just agree to carry the kids off the plane. thats the closest they could get to "proving" they flew w the kids. ben and sophie board on their own. kids and real parents board , ben and sophie carry kids off the plane. maybe they could carry the kids on the plane, but after the real parents have gone through security w the kids passports etc. yeah, they could do that. take pictures carrying the kids on or past security, then carrying off. they won't be able to give the kids passports or anything. or, you know, PR, just have the paps video them carrying the kids through security, giving security the kids passports w NO other documentation (like a letter from the real parents) then have them get off the plane. its all too risky. if they had real children that were theirs, this would be easy. but they don't, so we wont ever see them w the kids near security. if we do, it will be very staged to avoid seeing the real parents or any letter giving permission to fly w the kids

Anna: Nonny, I’m not asking for miracles, so I don’t really expect them to be photographed passing through security or checking in. I’m just asking for a convincing pap walk with both of the pillows; especially after Ben stated his family follows him wherever his work leads him whenever he has to be away from home for more than a weekend...

FF#1 Anon: Me and Mr. FF#1 will be heading over the border to the US for a week. I don’t know how much I’ll be in your blog in that time but what a great send off with the airport pap walk. I saved them all to my phone so I can giggle endlessly

Anna: I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself FF#1; I feel the exact same way! Have a wonderful trip and give Mr FF#1 my best! :D

JT Anon: ok ok ok ok, so he doesn't just force sophie to take a sep plane and struggle w the kids alone ALL the time. SOMETIMES he makes a nanny take a sep plane w the kids!! nah, this is one of those rare occasions he left the kid for more than 48 hrs. must be hard since apparently he doesn't do that...expect now...unless the kids are riding w the help in coach on a sep plane. Thanks PR for answering all our laughing at ben making his wife and kids take a sep plane! no kids, i know. can't blur faces

Anna: Boooooooo JT! I object!!! I’ve been promised a family trip and I want it even if the pillows magically appear on an NYC street pap walk before the LL event tomorrow :P

CMA Anon: Come on, praise when praise is due - they have at least learned *how* to hold hands properly even if they're not clued up on *when*.

Anna: CMA, I just hope it doesn’t take them another 4 years to muster the art of human hand holding at the appropriate instances...

Discerning Anon: NYC weather - It was raining yesterday afternoon and evening and was in the low 60s. This morning it is raining, it was raining harder earlier but should clear up this afternoon, it’s now humid and in the 70s. It might rain tonight. Friday was originally reported to be raining all day, but that has since been updated to just rain in the evening probably and in the 60s. Saturday rain all day, maybe heavy at times, 60s.

Please plan your pap-ops accordingly.

Anna: Discerning Anon, you’re SO accommodating! I’m sure the Intern would like to thank you from the bottom of his heart :o)

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skiesofthesketchy · 7 years

Text

The Office: part 2

AN:// Hello!!! omg guys thx so much for all the support on part 1!! cute as a button, each and every one of you :)) sooooo here’s part two,, I really hope you like it and feedback is alwayz appreciated! much love <3

Part One if you haven’t read it yet

Pairing: Dylan O’Brien + Reader

Word Count: 3,748

Warnings: Swearing and mentions of sex (you’ll be fine kids)

“You ready to go?” Ethan asked, peering over my shoulder to look at the documents I was shuffling through.

“Just one sec.” The whole scene that happened earlier still the only thing I could think about. I was so angry at Lauren. Only she could evoke this kind of response out of me, you know, considering everything that has happened between us in the past. Always wanting to start drama for entertainment purposes, and not caring who she hurts or humiliates in the process.

Just in the past few hours, I’ve been treated differently by my co-workers. The news of Ethan and I “dating” spread like wildfire and everyone knew. The people I see and talk to everyday now staring at me and whispering, as if they’re totally clueless to the fact that I can hear them.

“Poor girl, he’s only going to break her heart,” they say.

“I thought she was smarter than this.”

“Her? Of all people?”

“Okay,” I said, grabbing my purse. “Let’s go.” I decided to go out with Ethan anyway. Free spaghetti and breadsticks? I could use some of that right about now.

Ethan offered me his arm and I looped mine through it. The gesture was unnecessarily gentlemanly, but people had already been staring at us, so who cares at this point? Let them stare.

Ben gave me a quick wink as we passed him heading to the elevators. With just me and Ethan inside, the doors shut, and I was caught off guard by Ethan’s sudden movement. He pressed me up against the wall of the metal box, his body flush with mine. Before I could react, I felt his lips attack mine. It wasn’t forceful, just greedy. And I felt myself kissing him back.

His rough fingertips traced my jawline while my hands wrapped around the back of his neck. This kiss wasn’t like the ones we shared a few nights ago. Those were heated and lustful. Just the opening act to the main event, if you know what I mean. This kiss was different. Still passionate, but not in the “trying to get in your pants” kind of way. I had to admit, I loved the taste of him.

Even so, I broke the kiss. His forehead rested on mine and our eyes locked. The dark blue of his seemed to be asking why I pushed him away, but I ignored them. Instead, I placed my hand on his chest and pushed him back further until we were both standing upright, as if nothing had happened. I turned toward the elevator door and the numbers above it signaled that we were almost on the first floor. I could still feel Ethan’s eyes on me, but I didn’t shift my sight. The elevator dinged and the doors opened swiftly. As I stepped out, I felt him grab my left hand and entwine his fingers through mine, and I let him.

Heading for the massive glass doors to exit the building, I caught a glance of Mason, the receptionist. As we made eye contact, I smiled at him, but I could tell by the way his eyebrows shot up and eyes shifted between Ethan and I that he was too shocked to smile back. I just tucked my hair behind my ear and let Ethan lead the way.

I’m a very “go with the flow” kind of person. I’m demonstrating this at the moment as I walk hand in hand with Ethan. I should be worried about what others at the office think of this because everything I do from now on will make them talk. People think they have the right to stick their nose in everyone else’s business as it is, but me and Ethan being so casual in the office just feeds the gossip.

But I don’t care what other people think. I used to always be so caught up in my own head, wondering what other people thought of me or what they talked about behind my back. I used to be so scared that I wasn’t enough. Pretty enough, smart enough, outgoing enough. I had so many insecurities. But that’s not who I am anymore. Once I realized that people would talk about me no matter what I did, I got over those insecurities. I don’t owe anybody anything. I should be focused on making myself the best I can be, and not measure myself by other people’s standards. I should be focused on making myself happy. I am happy.

However, it really boils my blood that my coworkers and friends have been treating me differently, just within the last few hours. It’s like their perception of me has changed completely only because of who I’m supposedly dating. Nobody I’m with could ever change me, so why is everything so different? I’m still me.

-------------------

“Can I get you two anything to drink?” our waitress asked.

“I’ll have a water, please. Thank you,” I responded. Ethan ordered the same.

“So...” he started. “Where is the weirdest place you’ve ever had sex?”

I quirked my eyebrow up at the question. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. It is Ethan after all. “Not the usual conversation starter,” I remarked.

“It’s more fun this way,” he smirked. “Small talk is boring. There’s no depth.”

“And immediately talking about sex is what you describe as ‘depth?’”

“Well you know, I like it deep, especially when it comes to sex.” All I can do is roll my eyes. “Okay, after you answer this question, I’ll let you ask the next one. We’ll take turns.”

“Fine.” I pondered for a moment. Do I really want this guy knowing these kinds of things about me? “The left side of the bed, rather than the right side or middle,” I shrugged.

He let out a sarcastic laugh. “Right. C’mon, I spent a night with you, and we both know you’re more wild than that.” Our waitress sets down our waters and I��m positive she heard what Ethan just said. This isn’t awkward at all.

“Sorry to interrupt,” she squeaked, an obvious blush on her cheeks. “Are you ready to order or should I just come back later?”

Ethan grinned up at her, probably blinding the poor girl with those perfect teeth of his. “No worries. Y/N, do you know what you want?” his glance shifted to me.

“Yes. I’ll have the spaghetti with meat sauce. And some breadsticks, please.”

“And I’ll get the spinach and mushroom ravioli.” We thanked the girl, Jessica I think is her name, and she took our menus and sped off.

“You’re gonna have to let me steal a bite of those raviolis.”

“Only if you answer my question. Honestly this time,” he smiled sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes again. “On the beach.” He leaned back in his chair with his eyebrows raised, impressed with my answer. “It was a public place, but of course we didn’t do it when there were people around.”

“But what’s the fun in that?”

“I dunno. Not getting arrested is pretty fun to me.” Ethan took a sip of his water, and glanced off for a minute, as if the conversation ended. “You’re not gonna tell me the weirdest place you’ve done it?”

“Oh. You wanna know that about me?” he acted innocent with his hand on his chest. “Well, if you’re so curious about my sex life, I guess I can enlighten you.”

I rolled my eyes yet again. “It’s only fair for you to answer your own question.”

He chuckled, obviously enjoying annoying the hell out of me. “You know Joe’s burger joint? Did it in the bathroom.”

“Oh gross,” I grimaced, only half joking. “Now I can never go to the bathroom there ever again.” He winked at me in response. “Okay, now it’s my turn to ask the question.” I sat up straight and folded my arms on the table. “Best place you’ve ever been to. Go.” Hope he wasn’t planning on talking about sex the whole time (rolls eyes again, internally).

“Alright. After I graduated high school, instead of going to college, I took a year off to travel South America. I visited all down the western coast, from Colombia to the southern tip of Chile. I went back up through Argentina, Paraguay, and my final destination was Brazil. It was amazing, and no doubt the best year of my life.” He spoke with a soft smile and glowing eyes.

“If you had to choose, which stop was your favorite?”

A beautiful smile graced his lips. Not the charming and flirtatious one that can get any girl to shudder, but a real one. One that made you happy, because you could tell he was.

“There’s this tiny village in Peru that I stayed in for about three weeks. The people there were incredibly kind to me and welcomed me in their small community. Everyone looked out for one another. Made sure everyone ate and had a roof over their head. The houses they had though were in pretty rough condition. I had experience with handy stuff like this, so for the family that took me in, I fixed up their roof and patched up the walls. I figured it was the least I could do for them.” His eyes met mine for a brief moment and I smiled at him, encouraging him to go on.

“I had only planned to stay there for a night, maybe two at most. But I really loved it there. These people, they deserve so much better than what they have.” I watched his eyebrows furrow and face fall. “So I stayed longer, and helped patch up the other homes and shops. A group of younger boys liked to help me, and I taught them how to fix things. You see this?” he asked, fingers unbuckling a bracelet that wrapped around his wrist. He handed it to me so I could look at it. It was made of dark colored string and beads. I had noticed it before, but it never really grabbed my attention. “A boy named Gabriel made it for me. I rarely take it off.”

I peered at him from under my lashes. It felt like I wasn’t looking at Ethan anymore. Arrogant, womanizing, Ethan. It was like I was seeing the real him for the first time, and something tells me not many others have seen this. “It’s beautiful,” I said, handing the bracelet back to him. “Have you visited the village since then?”

He shook his head. “No, but I intend to. Someday.”

“So... you speak spanish then?” I asked, trying to lift the mood into a more playful one again.

“Of course. Gotta impress the ladies somehow, right?” he beamed, and we joined each other in laughter.

“Alrighty, here’s your food for you.” We thanked Jessica after she served us.

“Okay, okay. What’s your spirit animal?”

----------

I had spent longer than intended at lunch with Ethan. I was currently shuffling through the mess of papers people have left on my desk and trying to organize them so I could get through them faster. I hate being behind on work, but if the busyness distracts me from all the whispering and funny looks going on, then I won’t complain.

“You’re not gonna tell me what happened?” Ben exasperated from beside me.

“Can you please interrogate me some other time? I’m pretty busy right now if you can’t tell.”

“So? You can multitask. Let me guess, you had sex in the bathroom.” I found Ben’s overly excited face with his chin resting on his fist when I turned to give him a disapproving look. ‘No... but I did make out with him in the elevator,’ I thought, but didn’t say aloud.

“No. We just talked.”

Not quite satisfied with my answer, he pushed for more information. “About what?”

“About things.”

“Fine. If you don’t wanna talk, then don’t. Just listen, cause you’re gonna wanna hear this.” He’s got his gossiping face on, but what could have happened in the time I was at lunch?

“I went over to meet the new kid, since you so rudely didn’t introduce me earlier. And girl, he is god damn FINE.” I nodded, agreeing with him. “I think Mr. Yummy Hotpants has got some competition, like for real. But!” he exclaimed dramatically. “Queen Bitch has already hacked her claws into him.

“Woah, woah, woah.” Apparently one ‘woah’ wasn’t enough for me. “What?”

“Try to keep up, hun. Lauren was throwing herself at him, no shame. Eck, it was disgusting. I’ve been listening to her fake laugh for the past hour and I swear to god, I’m going to slam my head against this keyboard in hopes of killing myself.”

I squeezed my fists and clenched my jaw. “Of course she’s all over him.”

“I know. Like girl, have some respect for yourself.”

I took a deep breath to calm my angry thoughts. “Ben,” I started. “Do you remember that night you, me, and T got drunk and talked shit about all our exes?”

Ben turned to me, giving me his full attention. “Mhmm.”

“Well, there was one ex that I couldn’t exactly find anything bad to say about...”

“Yes,” he prodded, getting suspicious. “I remember. Why?”

“Well... he works here now. In fact, he just started today and he works over in trends.” I looked down, unsure of how Ben would react.

“Aw hell no. This shit just got spicy.” Alright then. “Your nemesis tryna get with your ex? One you’re still in love with, I might add.”

“Oh my god, Ben. No. No. No. And no. I am not in love with him, and I never was.” I cannot believe my best friend just made that accusation. “What Dylan and I had was barely considered a relationship. He was a great guy, but it just didn’t work out. End of story. And there are no feelings between us at all anymore. I can promise you that,” I finished. Hopefully I made my point clear.

“Then why are you getting all defensive about it?” he shot back. He folded his arms across his chest, waiting to hear my excuse.

I bit my lip in thought, also wondering why I suddenly became so defensive. I’m not normally like this. Then it became clear. “It’s because this is Lauren we’re talking about. Dylan walking in this morning didn’t uncover any hidden feelings. It’s the fact that Lauren has thrown herself into the equation that bugs me.”

Ben didn’t seem to buy it as much as I did. “So you’re jealous.”

“No! I am not jealous of Lauren,” I grimaced.

“You’re also forgetting that I know you better than you know yourself, Y/N. Lie to yourself all you want, but you can’t lie to me.” He went right back to typing on his computer as I huffed, denying that he was right.

“Are you just gonna sit there like a bum or are you gonna go talk to him?”

I don’t like Ben sometimes, only because he’s right and I know it. I huffed again and stood up to go find Dylan. I was planning on doing this before Ben told me to, for the record.

I could already hear Lauren’s peppy voice and I could feel my temperature rising. I did everything I could to not let it show though, already plastering on my fake smile, the one I only really use around Lauren. As I passed a section of cubicles, my eyes were greeted with the not so pleasant sight of “Queen Bitch” herself, as Ben likes to call her, fixing Dylan’s tie. Pretty sure Dylan is capable of fixing his own tie. It actually probably looked better before she touched it. Just saying.

“Oh, hi guys! What are you up to?” I was acting overly cheery, on the brink of becoming cheesy. Something I took out of Lauren’s book.

Both of their eyes shifted to me, but Lauren continued to straighten Dylan’s tie. Patting his collar, and then his shoulders, getting the imaginary wrinkles out. “Hey, Y/N,” Dylan spoke up.

“I just went over the dress code with him,” Lauren beamed. “It’s his first day, someone’s gotta teach him the rules.” She smirked at me, almost challenging me.

“Yeah. I know. That’s what I’m normally here for.”

“Oh, I know, silly! But I thought I would help you out. You are always working so hard and I thought you deserved a little time with your boyfriend, rather than helping Dylan settle in. It’s really no problem at all.” The laugh that erupted from my lips was so sweet and nice, it almost hurt.

“Aw, that’s really sweet of you. But--”

“Lauren, my office now. I want to look over the final proposal before we send it in.” Cheryl sure has good timing.

“Of course!” Lauren scurried away in her heels, but not before smiling and waving goodbye to Dylan. “Talk soon! Bye Y/N.”

Now that Lauren was finally gone, I felt like I could breathe again. “How are you holdin’ up?” I asked Dylan, walking up to his desk that he’s already settled into.

“Things are great. Everyone here is really nice.” His eyes met mine, but only for a second before looking away. Am I reading into that too much, or was that really weird?

“That’s good to hear.” I leaned on the wall and folded my arms. “Do you have any questions for me? Cause I’m here to help with anything you need.”

“Um. I can’t think of anything right now...” he squinted his eyes in thought. “But I will definitely find you if something comes to mind.”

“Oh. Yeah, yeah. Just... let me know.” Things felt kind of awkward now. Very unlike our earlier encounter. “Don’t worry about bothering me when you do, because you won’t be.”

“Alright. Thanks.” I prepared to walk away since this conversation obviously wasn’t going anywhere, but Dylan saved it. “So, how was lunch with, Ethan, was it?” This time his gaze met mine and stayed there.

“Yeah, it’s Ethan. And it was good. Although, you shouldn’t believe all the office gossip you hear.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ethan and I aren’t dating. I know that is literally all anybody is talking about today, but don’t be fooled. People will latch onto any piece of information they hear, and create a story out of it.”

Dylan stayed quiet for a second, like he was trying to rearrange things in his head. “Oh. Well I’m glad to hear that.” What? Dylan started fidgeting and touching his face.

“What do you mean by that?” His hand ran over his mouth once more. I could tell he didn’t mean to say that, out loud at least.

“I just mean that... you know, I’m glad you aren’t dating that guy because-- well because he’s not a good guy. I can tell you that.” He was rambling and stumbling over his own words. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. “I don’t know, Y/N, but I’m a very, very good judge of character, and he seems off. That’s all. Nothing to really do with you.”

“Right--”

“I know it’s not really any of my business, but I’m just saying, he’s not good for you.” His hand once again rubbed over his mouth and and his jaw.

I really don’t know what to say. It’s very weird that he’s suddenly acting nervous, but not as weird as everything that just spewed out of his mouth. We haven’t talked in two years, so what exactly makes him think he knows what’s “good” for me? Why does he even care?

I was planning on keeping my thoughts to myself, but I guess I’m lacking in self-control. “Not to be bitchy or anything, but what makes you think you know what’s best for me?”

His mouth opened slightly, but no words came out of it. I could tell he was unsure how to answer. I get the feeling he wasn’t expecting that kind of response from me either.

He cleared his throat after a moment. “No. You’re right. I don’t have the right to say any of this to you,” he said quietly, looking down almost in shame. “Sorry. I really should have just kept my mouth shut.”

“Thank god that didn’t take very long!” And in comes Lauren. “Y/N, you’re still here? Don’t you have work to do or something?” she asked, standing between Dylan and I.

“Don’t you have a puppy to step on or something?” I shot back. She giggled and I joined in too. You’d have to be dumber than a brick to not see how much we hate each other.

“Oh, Y/N! You are so funny!” She finally stopped her manic laughter and aimed her laser beam eyes at me.

“Well anyway, Dyl, do you like red or pink better?” Did she just call him Dyl?

“Um, I don’t know. Why?”

“Because silly, I want to know what color I should wear for our date tonight.” Sorry, but what the fuck did she just say?

If I wasn’t completely stunned right now, I’d say that Dylan was almost as uncomfortable as I was. “Oh. Um. They’re both good colors.”

“Yeah, but I want you to choose,” she whined, fingers fiddling with his tie again.

‘I'm a very, VERY good judge of character Y/N,’ I repeated in my head in a stupid voice. Sure Dylan. Have fun on your date with the reincarnate of Satan.

Dylan replied to her with a sheepish laugh, but still didn't pick a goddamn color. “Hello?” she chirped, looking at him wide eyed. How can he not know she's a lunatic?

“Red?”

“Perfect!” Lauren shouted. “I'll see you tonight, Dyl.” She smooched him on the cheek, very audibly I might add. She flipped her hair over her shoulder and smiled smugly at me once her back was turned to Dylan, then strutted away.

I couldn't move. I was both repulsed and, fine I'll admit it, jealous. How could he like her of all people? She's fake and evil and frankly, not even his type. It’s only his first day and Lauren has already found a way to go out with him.

Unlike Dylan, I'm not going to voice my concerns about who he goes out with. He can do whatever the hell he wants and I guess I'll just have to get over it. He'll find out who he's dealing with soon enough.

Dylan examined my face, and it seemed like he was searching for something to say. I wasn’t going to wait around for him though. “See you around,” I said, and sped away before he got the chance to reply.

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takesuhigher · 7 years

Text

A Walk to Remember x 3

When I was in sixth grade, Mike and I had lockers down the same hall (Gym Mall is what is was called). We were all the way at the end but on opposite sides. He was on the left, I was on the right. One day I was walking right behind him as we were walking to our lockers and I got too close. I wasn’t paying attention because I was staring at him. I stepped on his heel and he cocked his head to the left. The normal thing to do would’ve been to apologize, but I’m not normal lol I never knew if he could see me out of his periphery or not. I think I thought he knew and that’s why he didn’t make a big deal out of it. Almost like he didn’t mind me stepping on his heel because it was contact. What a perfect opportunity to talk to him, but nope.

In tenth grade, we had Personal Fitness together and for some stupid reason the teacher had us walk around the track. Mike was either never there or sat it out. In this instance, I think he was absent. I was walking in a group next to the stupid teacher, I call her stupid for a reason, I know I shouldn’t but, well… Anyway, one of the boys was asking what he should get for the girl he likes. He doesn’t have too much money. The kids were either saying dumb things or nothing at all. The teacher certainly wasn’t being helpful so I said, You should write her a poem. Well, that darn teacher told me that was a stupid idea!!!! You see why she’s stupid?! What the hell is wrong with that idea? It’s thoughtful. It costs no money and it’s something she can keep forever. It won’t die like flowers. It won’t get eaten like chocolate. It won’t get worn out like a teddy bear or lose it’s helium like a balloon. But noooo, my idea was stupid!

One day… literally ONE DAY, Mike decided to actually be there when we were walking around the track. How did we get so close to each other? I think he must have been walking slow. Was I walking fast to catch up to him? Oh gosh. I might’ve. That’s sooo obvious and embarrassing. Oh my goodness. My friend in that class was absent that day so I was walking alone. Mike’s friend Stuart was just too darn cool to walk the track so he sat in the bleachers. What a perfect time to walk and talk. One would think. So, I ended up right behind him, to the left a little and it was so peaceful just walking next to him. He must’ve known I was there. I know he could sense it. Why not just say hi to him? Can’t speak. Frozen. But walking. I think that was towards the end of his final lap when I caught up to him. I still had one more lap to take. I think he did too but being near me probably made him too nervous because he went to sit in the bleachers next to Stuart. He probably stared at me the whole time, just walking alone. He could’ve walked with me, but he chose to sit it out.

In basic we had to walk. Ruck Marches. The first one, a 3K I believe, I had a damn doctor’s appointment. Admittedly, part of me was grateful I had an appointment because I didn’t know what the march entailed and was nervous about it. Let me tell you something, everyone was doing the ruck march for the first time. You don’t want to miss the first time when it’s everyone’s first time because then when it’s the second time and it’s YOUR first time, you gonna look dumb. The 5K was next. Here we go, the second time is my first time. I was all ready. I had heard what everyone said about the 3K, about how easy it was. It was just walking with like 20 pounds or so on your back and your weapon in hand, wearing a helmet and whatever that vest was called that held the ammo. But it’s just walking. So, I start walking and almost immediately I was attacked by shin splints. It was one of the most painful things. It felt like my shins were snapping in two. I never had shin splints before. This makes no sense!! I got hurt in more ways in basic than you would believe. I was just constantly torn down mentally and physically and emotionally. Fucking torture. So, I literally could not walk. That was literally the only time my shins did that. Why are you wearing your winter boots, Bonnell?!?!?!?! They’re the boots I wear, Drill Sergeant. It’s summer, Bonnell!!! Get in the back of the truck, Bonnell!! Another walk I had to sit out. Now I’m even further behind the learning curve.

Next was the 8K. Five freakin miles. Okay. This is it. I’m gonna do it this time. And I’m gonna make Drill Sergeant Losa proud because I’m going to wear my summer boots like I’m supposed to do. Maybe a minute into this march was perfect. Everything felt completely doable until SLICE. Holy shit. What the fuck was that? SLICE. That’s really fucking painful. I believe it was my left heel. I couldn’t say for sure now but FUCK. That’s why I don’t wear these fucking summer boots! I fucking forgot because I succumbed to “peer” pressure. There’s a ledge on the inside of the heel!! A ledge. A fucking ledge! Crappy craftsmanship. Cheap. You don’t see anyone wearing these boots except for those in basic. Why do we not get the same consideration? Why are we less than? So, I keep walking and my boot keeps slicing. Every step was more painful than the step before it. My platoon was leading the pack this time and I ended up falling to the very back of the last platoon. Four platoons total. About two hundred people. Half on each side of the road. So, a hundred people with about ten feet between each one. That’s a far way to fall. Why didn’t I tell anyone what was happening? Because that’s all they thought of me. Someone who was weak, who only ever complained about being in pain. This walk was supposed to be different. I didn’t want to get into trouble again. I didn’t want them to think I was being lazy and lying. The only reason I caught up to everyone was because they all stopped for a break. I laid down on my belly for, I kid you not, maybe a minute. Two at the most and then the break was over. The really sucky thing is that if I had more time, I could’ve put my winter boots on because they were right there in my ruck sack. But I had to get up. I had to keep walking. I was with my platoon again, back up front. SLICE. SLICE. This Achilles' Heel thing is no joke. I thought I could die. From pain, from humiliation. The pain was so bad I didn’t even feel my pelvis or tailbone pain. That became completely obsolete. That heel pain was agony but I didn’t cry. The thing that did me in, the thing that did make me cry was everyone in my platoon passing me by and saying, “You can do it, Bonnell.” Was that necessary? That doesn’t make me feel empowered, that makes me feel even more like a failure because you’re walking past me. Some kid with red hair, I remember that red hair, ha maybe the kid in front of me had red hair. Who was behind me?? Well, he got right up behind me and lifted my ruck sack to relieve the pressure bearing down on my feet and basically pushed me to the finish line. He wouldn’t let me stop. So, I didn’t fall all the way behind on this second stint but I had to walk faster which meant the slicing was more intense. No one believed me until I showed them my ankle. And even then it wasn’t many people because I don’t go around showing off my pain. It was destroyed at the time. Thankfully no permanent damage. Not physically. But mentally, I took a hell of a beating that day. Ugh and we were marching to a firing range. Being the fourth platoon always meant we were all the way on the end and that tire rubber. I think it was rubber. Whatever it was that those ranges were made of were sooooo incredibly difficult to walk on. More walking. My poor heel. Heal heel. Took a couple weeks. I had to pad my heel with panty liners, not for blood, the bleeding stopped, but for protection. It’s like basic wanted me to stop walking. Tailbone, pelvis, bunion, heel. I definitely couldn’t run, that’s for sure. I never wore those summer boots again. The winter ones were too snug width-wise (that’s what attributed to my bunion pain) but at least I could walk in them. The funny thing is that while you’re in processing, that first week before basic actually begins (OH HOLY CRAP) they specifically measure your feet and tell you what the best size shoe for you is.

In the spring of 2002, I was sent to hell. My face got destroyed by an evil pill. That summer I worked for a lawyer named Michael J. Gross against my will because of my stupid grandmother. I hated that job and I did not trust that man. Five years later, during the summer of 2007, I was sent to hell. A blistering hell and a frozen hell. I experienced every season in that hell. Five years after that during the summer of 2012, I was sent to hell again. It was hot and dry and lonely and I was kept from the one thing that would’ve eased my suffering. It made me nervous every day until my evil uncle set me free by threatening to break my fucking arm. Yeah, I got it. Time to go home. What will this summer bring, I wonder. Please not hell. I can’t do that again.

#walking #the five year cycle #hadn't made that connection before

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