#like what happened to empathy??? being a decent human being???

[pbpsbff]

crazy how “genocide is bad” is a controversial take to some ppl these days

[backinmyphase]

Highschool! Satoru is being known for being arrogant.

After every lesson you have together you ask yourself if it was even possible to be more cocky or if he was just blessed at that.

And you don't think he even knows you exists because be just cares for himself. You hate Highschool! Satoru.

And… it is true.

He is an arrogant asshole. And he doesn't know your name. He does know that he is better than everyone in this class.

He hasn't batted an eye after bumping into you in the halls. He didn't help you up, he doesn't know you. So why should he? After one hour he forgot that even happened. Because why should he care? He doesn't care about his classmates.

Well… Until this one lesson.

"Miss can I swap partners for this project?" Satoru doesn't even try to hide the fact he thought you were stupid.

"I don't think she would bring anything essential and Me and Geto had already planned something. And last week she didn't even knew the subject."

"Well Gojo, that's not-"

"Do you even think before you speak?"

The sentence just slipped out of your mouth. And for the first time Satoru Gojo looked at you.

"Excuse me?" He smiled at you as he leaned back. And in this moment your bottled up anger led you to say the things in your mind.

"I asked if you even think before you speak. But I can see clearly that's not the case because you don't have any empathy for anyone, because why should you? When Satoru Gojo is the most important person in the world!" Your voice slightly rose and the class fell silent.

But Satoru wasn't faced. "Look, if you are hurt because I don't want to work with you then please be quiet about it. That's just pathetic."

You blink one time and smile back at him. "You know what's really pathetic? When no one likes you because your ego is too big to be nice to anyone who isn't 'good enough'. But I guess you like your lifestyle."

The teacher looked nervous between the two of you and clapped two times. "Please no escalation you two-"

"I really pity you. You know, for that you have no sense of being a decent human being. That really must be hard." You sigh and shake your head.

"Always trying to keep that ego big."

Satoru doesn't even say anything anymore he just looks at you with a shooked expression.

"But let's be real, the real reason you are so arrogant is that you deep down know that no one would be interested in you if it weren't for your skills. If it weren't for your family, who must be so proud of this boy that everyone in school avoids."

Satoru keeps his lips pressed together as he looks at you. He doesn't even try to hurt you back, he just looks at you.

And then you realize that the whole class was witnessing your outburst. Even the teacher looked impressed.

"The partners cannot be changed." The teacher says after a while of silence. She looks over at you.

"But if there is any misbehaving of your patner, please tell me. I will grade accordingly."

You don't look at Saroru after that. But he isn't done staring.

And let's just say Highschool! Satoru knew you after that lesson. And maybe, just maybe he wanted to prove that he wasn't such a bad person you thought he was.

That was the lesson Highschool! Satoru was humbled for the first time.

[anpanman95]

God DO I have things to say about this one here…

CONTROVERSIAL REVIEW AHEAD

Last Twilight: why Day’s character is a major RED FLAG 🚩🚩🚩

DISCLAIMER: I do not have anything against him as an actor. He’s a beautiful sweet talented cutie pie that is doing such an amazing job it causes me to hate the motherfluffing guts of this character.

To make this easier I’ve broken down this to five points.

Day’s personality sucks: first of all, he is a rich, spoiled child (I hope all of us agree on this one) who’s clearly full of himself, and only cares about himself. This is demonstrated in several ways, but the most blatant one is in how he believes that his tragedy is the worst possible scenario anyone could be in, and fails to have a single ounce of empathy for anyone around him unless, of course, it has to do something with him. Yes. What happened to him was horrific, and traumatizing, but he is not the only human being in the world who has problems. Which brings me to my next point.

Having a disability does not give you the right to be an asshole. “Oh but every person deals with their own stuff differently” Honey, no. The whole point is that having a disability does not make you any less than any other human being. Question: Doesn’t Day want for people to stop feeling pity for him? to not treat him differently?. Well guess what darling: that implies you also still have to be and function like a decent person. Yes, again, I’m very sorry about what he has to go through, which is a horrible and unexpected experience, and I could never imagine what that’s like, but literally no one in his life wished this upon him. He acts as if everyone around him is to be blamed for what happened.

Spoiled part 2: He has a roof over his head. A fancy one might I add. He lives comfortably. He has healthy, unlimited food, done by a professional chef, might I add AGAIN, and he does not appreciate his family and what they do for him, not even once. Does he not understand that his life could be much, much worse? I’m not saying he can’t be angry or depressed or deal with his trauma however he needs to be able to heal, but there’s a difference that he doesn’t seem to understand: being angry at a situation that is out of anyone’s control, and being angry or directing that anger to people who just want to help. Which brings me to my last two points:

Day’s crappy behavior towards his family: Lets start with the mother. She is, of course somewhat at fault for what Day has to go through. But only because she is being unreasonably overprotective, something that could have been solved anyway without Day being an absolute prick about it. (Also pick one of your children to give all your love and attention to and abandon the other? what is wrong with you). Now to his brother Night. Oh God. I don’t think you understand how angry I was when Day said “I forgive you for everything”. Bitch what the f? Forgive Night? for treating him like absolute garbage, as if he had never been your own brother? Like he planned the whole fiasco? He gets mad after the accident because his brother TRIES TO CHANGE for the BETTER. And accuses him from TRYING TO STEAL THE GOOD SON TITLE FROM HIM??! Be for real bitch. This circles back to point one: He only cares about himself. Night has been traumatized almost as much as Day because of the accident. It is obvious he blames himself and probably will never forgive himself fully for what happened. On top of that he gets an awful mother and brother? Nah. Count me out. I would have resigned from that family and go live with beautiful sweet Porjai to a small village and never be contacted by those people again.

Mhok: Oh dear. Oh dear. He is literally the greenest of green flags out there. Sure. He’s a little volatile. Sure, he has done violent things. But he would have NEVER hurt Day or any of their friends/family. My boy was just trying to do his job, cause, mind you, HE HAS NO MONEY OR FAMILY TO SUPPORT HIM LIKE YOU DO, DAY. The money and family you disrespect every single day. And what the f with telling him what to do with his life? Who the f do you think you are? Mr. Righteous? Mr. Perfect? More like Mr. Red Flag 101. Day basically broke Mhok’s heart because Mhok didn’t want to be away from him. So, first of all, I don’t believe for a second Mhok’s intentions were out of pity. Maybe they came from a place of WORRY and a little bit out of infatuation because he liked him so much and didn’t want to be away from him. But never pity. EVEN SO. IF Mhok felt “pity” for Day, the correct thing to do, as two fluffing functioning adults, is to TALK. Why did you have to go and tell him all this horrible things just so he’d leave? Why not tell him you’re proud of him, and ENCOURAGE HIM to take the job, ENSURE that it’ll work out between you? But nooooo, Mr. Red Flag had to go and break his heart cause he lacks basic decency and human empathy, only for Mhok, bless his heart, to come back after three years AND FOR SOME REASON, still manage to be in love with this awful person. And he tells him no? Break his heart all over again only for Mhok to have enough emotional intelligence for the both of them to actually come back after YOU GAVE UP ON SEARCHING FOR HIM AT THE AIRPORT LIKE A WEAK MEDIOCRE BI— ugh. If I were Mhok I’d gone and kicked his sorry ass and married a handsome Hawaiian.

Okay.

Also Day only coming to his senses after his mother tells him THE MOST OBVIOUS THING THERE IS.

“Oh Mother what was that? Loving means taking risks? It’s all about trust? and communication? Oh my, that would have never crossed my mind because I am such an idiot. Thank you mom I’ll go look for the love of my life now because you told me so”

like seriously what is up with these boys and their mommy issues? I swear the exact same thing happened in Hidden Agenda. Bro.

I love P’Aof, and his work. Loved Bad Buddy, loved Moonlight Chicken. I had super high expectations of this and, overall, the show is good. But I simply did not enjoy it as much as I thought I would, and it’s all because I couldn’t sympathize with one of the main characters.

In conclusion:

Fluff you Day, you do not deserve Mhok. sorry p’Aof I love you and will continue to support you until the very end.

oof. I needed to rant this out. don’t yell at me please I cry easily.

peace out!

[blindmagdalena]

Was re-watching Diabolical and have been genuinely wondering for a while about this………

Do you think Homelander could have been redeemed within those first 1-4 of his years of his initial roll out? It was obvious that he had no moral compass but he wasn't intentionally malicious back then. He seemed just kind of like a paper cup blowing from here to there as long as the promise of adoration existed.

I can't help but wonder if he had been surrounded by actually decent people rather than Vought psychopaths and manipulators if he still had a chance, even at that age.

a lot of things could have been different for Homelander when he was that young. it's a little fuzzy how old he was in Diabolical 8, but the general consensus seems to be 18-20.

we know he already had a kill count in the lab. he killed several of his teachers/nannies by the time he was 13, maybe more after that. he experienced a deluge of being made to crave the love of humans while also coming to view them as disposable.

as toys, if you will.

vague potential spoilers for s4 and longwinded rambling under the cut.

in my (wholly uneducated) opinion, this is where the foundational fracture of baby John's psyche begins. he had three "core" members of his team who formed a dysfunctional parental unit. Barbara, Vogelbaum and Stan Edgar. i believe that as a child, John had genuine and strong love for both Barbara and Vogelbaum, whereas i think it's always been a fearful respect of Stan Edgar.

then there were the regulars who existed in periphery, but mainly as antagonists. such as Marty and Frank. think of them as like... creepy uncles.

the rest of the scientists and caretakers were nothing but nameless, faceless props. the first time he killed someone, they were swiftly replaced. same with the first, second, third... who knows how many he went through. who knows how many "accidents" Vogelbaum swept under the rug in his pursuit of the Perfect Hero.

that little smile we see at the end of the clip? that's all Homelander.

Homelander fundamentally does not care about people, but has a deep-seated desire for their approval, and does grow strong attachments on an individual level. this is the "split" that exists in him. this is the 16 year old that left the lab.

he was always going to latch onto someone and have little regard for anyone who wasn't them. no matter how well-meaning and kind that person was, Homelander would have been an extremely difficult (and frightening!) child to manage.

you think he's immature and temperamental now? try him from the ages of 16-25. yikes!

he may not have hurt anyone on purpose initially in that rescue gone wrong, but he had absolutely no problem covering his bases once shit went sideways. he was only afraid of retribution from Vought/His Favored People. he wasn't upset that he hurt people. he was upset he might not get away with it.

it would make for a really interesting fic to explore what would have happened if the hero "Homelander" had been scrapped entirely for whatever reason. if he'd been if he had fallen into the hands of someone who actually meant well, who would parent him.

someone who would love enough about him to teach him the fundamentals of caring about other people not just on an individual level, but on a conceptual one. whether or not he still could.

ultimately, Homelander isn't a real person. it's entirely up to the author whether or not he could or could not be "redeemed." he'll always carry the trauma of what was done to him, but at the very least, maybe he could come to understand some degree of empathy or compassion outside of himself.

either way i'd read the hell out of it!

[mueritos]

As someone who’s been through multiple therapists and psychs, you’re super not wrong about these people bringing their biases to the table. I’m lucky enough that I

1. Was an older teenager

2. Had friends who had had decent mental health help already

3. Already kinda suspected the shapes of what was “wrong with me” and

4. Had an innate sense of “no that seems like bullshit” before I went in with these people.

The first therapist I ever saw met me as a 17 year old alt girl, and when I tried to talk to her about thinking I had anxiety issues she cut me off before I was done explaining and told me I was self diagnosing, that was causing my problem, and we wouldn’t “entertain THAT” any further.

The second therapist I ever saw met me as a 18 year old trans guy, pre-everything, during the pandemic. She listened, but she had no experience with the trans community and I had to teach her everything about anything I wanted to talk about with regards to that. She was nice, but she couldn’t help me. She didn’t know how.

The third therapist I ever saw met me as a 21 year old young man. She figured I had everything sorted out already. I didn’t. She never tried to change her mind or delve deeper. At this point I couldn’t afford to waste my time, so I asked to be recommended to a psych and she said sure. After that we didn’t talk.

The first psych I went to was very kind, and absolutely did not do his due diligence. I came in with a shiny recommendation from a therapist (that he didn’t verify), so he all but handed me the medication with no explanation and I only ever spoke to him over the phone after that. It was a low barrier to entry but the medication wasn’t right and I didn’t know I had other options. He made it seem like I didn’t.

The psych I’m seeing now put me on a medication that reacted poorly with my inhaler because she didn’t cross check if they would be any drug interactions. I came back and asked for a different medication. She was going to put me on a different one, and then I asked her to check if there were any interactions with this one. Turns out there were severe ones. I ended up going with a different medication, it seems to be working. It would probably work better with help from a therapist, but I don’t have the time or money for that right now. And quite frankly I’m tired of trying to convince people to help me when I have to explain what I think is wrong with me for them to listen. Only for them to decide that I’ve already figured it all out and they don’t need to try.

So uh. Yeah. Lots and lots of stories from me and my friends about clinicians of all age and experience ranges that go from horror stories to just disappointing and unhelpful. Some of these people had been practicing for 20-30 years and they STILL weren’t any better at empathy or not being horribly biased.

first of all holy shit it really fucking sucks you had to go through all of these terrible experiences while accessing care you deserve and need. i'm not surprised these terrible interactions happened, and I can't even be disappointed considering the bar of standards is in hell. The "better" experiences a lot of folks have with clinicians align with your second therapist. They are clinicians who just genuinely have no worldview outside of their own, but are receptive to new information...they just have no drive to learn how to apply new frameworks of ways of thinking to expand their worldview and guide their clients. The worst is literal malpractice, ableism, and violence against clients.

a lot of people who go into the mental health field don't actually have the skills related to active listening, empathy, or curiosity based out of humanity. I say this to a lot of people in the social work program, but social work is the same pipeline as mean girls who go into nursing--it's just full of the girls who were not smart enough to go into nursing that decide to go into social work. Same breed of mean girl seeking power over others, just different contexts of public service.

the only hope i have is in the new generations of mental health clinicians who are BIPOC/queer, anti-carceral, disabled themselves, and who are mentally ill as well. I feel more solidarity with my neurodivergent peers in my program who can barely finish an assignment on time than I do with the white women who have never experience hardship in their lives. Not to say neither of these people can't experience easy or hard times in their lives but man....seeing the roadblocks in some of these people's worldviews, empathy, or conceptualizations of other people's struggles is fucked up.

the mental health field is just another medicalized, over-policed, and racist institution that wants to shove people back into the workforce ASAP. we are in hell!! but just know there ARE people and groups and orgs out there that are dedicated to radical work and will name all the hypocrisy, pain, and oppression that exists in working in this field.

thank you tho for sharing your experience and input. I can only hope that your experiences moving forward are positive and liberating for you <3

[sol-consort]

TALI!!!!! Also they should give Krogans cats I feel like Krogans would like their vibes

yeah it's very cute to think about Krogans cuddling with cats and being best friends!

But realistically... look at their treatment of pyjaks and varren. Nom nom nom or fighting rings. Cats often steal food from humans, yet we don't go blasting them off with military grade rockets... At least I hope we haven't, someone check the history records rq.

That side mission segment never sat well with me in ME2. Especially after that ME1 Pyjack mission where you have to search for important datadisk stolen by a pyjack, having to abandon the mako so you don't accidentally hurt them, carefully search one after another, doing whatever you can to avoid harming these cute monkey-like animals.

Sure, some krogans do keep them as decently treated pets, but those are rare and few in-between. It's a nurtured habit rather than something ingrained in their nature, krogans used to be in the stone ages before they were forcibly "uplifted" by the salarians. As their society develops and gets comfortable with safety, animal cruelty will become a thing of the past... hopefully.

Currently, krogans haven't been big on animals. Cats wouldn't like Tuchanka either, too much radiation and sand storms. Krogans might find snapping turtles adorable, however.

Hanar hold very high empathy to animals, animal fighting rings, and anything unsavoury are forbidden from all of their planets. Believing in every creature having a soul, etc. Cats would abhor their slimy squishy texture—like how they have mysterious beef with cucumbers—but hanar might find them extremely adorable.

Elcor and cats share the trait of subtle body language and highly complex communication that has to be "watered down" for the other species to understand. I feel like they'd get along, cats would love napping on them, they're a big soft heater to them.

Lastly, a portion of our love of cats comes from them literally infecting us with a brain parasite, Toxoplasma gondii. It's meant for cat-prey to get infected, but humans' immune system is far too strong for it to do any harm besides slight flu symptoms at the early stages of the infection. After that, it remains dormant in our brain. We are a dead-end host, offer zero benefits to the parasite, we were never meant to be its target.

But it slightly increases our dopamine, which is nice.

it still has negative side effects, that's why pregnant women are told not to handle cat litter boxes; the parasite resides in cats' digestive system.

If you see a rat being playful with a cat or running towards them, chances are the parasite is well developed in the rat's brain. That's literally what it does, makes you seek cats.

it's why infected people start noticing their cats smelling nice like "baby powder" and have this urge to smooch their fur. In rats, it makes cat urine smell unbelievably good, so they go running towards it.

It just happened that this behaviour in humans translates into a feeling of love, euphoria, and elation when petting a cat, wanting to pick them up and smoother them in hugs and kisses.

Approximately 30% of the human population have toxoplasmosis, chances are if you ever owned a cat and cuddled, you have it. So yay I'm infected, you probably are too.

That alone might deter any alien species from ever interacting with cats. The "crazy cat lover" effect might amplify in species with weaker immune systems, aka quarians, or simply different proteins structures, aka turians.

But eh, it's probably nothing, Sid—a turian—is shown to love cats lots. Infected humans can't spread the parasite to others either—the infected host needs to die for it to happen. The immune system can't exactly enter the brain, only monitor it from outside the barrier for any signs of danger. So the parasite is kept imprisoned and gets bonked on the head whenever it tries to leave.

Btw cats aren't actually infected by their own parasite, they have sort of a symbiotic relationship with it. Toxoplasma gondii has two life cycles. One starts as they're born inside a cat's bowels, they are harmless and mostly beneficial to their original host.

The second cycle starts after they're thrown out in the litter box. Now they seek a new "prey" host to infect the brains of. Releasing chemicals and slightly altering your perspection of things. Increasing your risk of schizophrenia. Subtle agitation in the eyes.

You can also get it from uncooked meat or unwashed vegetables, so it's not that scary or dire of a parasite. It's just that cats are its most successful symbotic host to this day.

But if your immune system experiences a major failure and shuts down for a prolonged amount of time, the parasite will break from its cage and start spreading.

Congestive faculties start shutting down, eye blindness in some cases, until it eventually kills you.

That's also true with any sort of bacteria or parasite you catch while your immune system is down, it's easy to set a village ablaze with nothing but a single match once the castle walls crash down.

Toxoplasma gondii isn't special; anything can kill you! Without your immune system, you're just a bag of flesh and blood, susceptible to rot and being cannibalised by the air particles themselves.

But don't worry! this is normal for your body... sometimes. Only 43% of the human body is actually...uh human. The rest are foreign bacteria, microbes, fungi, some parasites, and other things that we collect throughout our journey of life. We even trade bacteria with other humans we meet all the time without realising it.

The majority of you—the physical you—is in fact, not you. You—cells you create—are a minority in your own body ecosystem.

Why do you think humans are so deadly to turians? We are a walking swamp, A living breathing extremely diverse bio-ecosystem. A dormant parasite or a two is nothing.

[joesalw]

I would never be able to do what she's doing to someone supposely I loved so much. All he wanted was to live in peace and she's so shitty she's making sure that's the one thing he'll never have. Anyone with an ounce of empathy and out of respect, would at the very least just don't stir shit and let him live his life. I'm not asking for her to even be a decent person and just tell her fans to not send people death threats. You would think she would do it by herself because yk this is not sane behaviour or her fans would be normal people but that's not something you can expect from these people. Mind you this is someone who cried because people were sending her death threats too and how badly that impacted her. You are actively having an hand for your fans to do this to someone, someone who was actually there when this happened to you. What kind of person are you to encourage this? I'll let you all sit on this one. I'm so disgusted by how simply vile everything happening since April has been and it just keeps getting worse

exactly, you are so on point. like he was the same person who stood by her side when similar things happened to her and the whole world was against her, he helped her get out of that terrible phase and years later she is doing the same thing of fueling hatred for the same person. makes you wonder what a terrible human being she and her friends are.

[daddyelliott1979]

Littles with Disabilities in kink Spaces

Another post inspired by my boy @squirtdaboi.

So today he did an amazingly brave thing and went to London, by himself for the first time, to a puppy event to meet up with friends.

Something to know about this amazing boy is he's partially sighted and has sensory issues, so this was a huge thing for him. So freaking proud of him!

We worked through lots of anxiety, and his so called friends kept changing plans which really doesn't work well for him- I have to reassure him when he comes to visit exactly what's going to happen - and I have zero issue doing as many times as he needs.

My boy went through a lot during the day, most disappointing was that friends abandoned him, luckily some really decent pups looked after him towards the end. Even making sure he got to his train. So thank you to our little heroes today!

Now here's the thing that angers me the most, as a Daddy who has 2 kiddos with Special needs, how the community treats those with different needs often leaves me utterly livid!

Worse is that most events are catered to the able bodied, often being in places where the disabled facilities are in the lady's toilets? If there is even that! In this day how is that even considered acceptable!?

Yes he's little, but he has some continence issues, so should he or others be discriminated against? Or find themselves in spaces that are really non inclusive?

Now I have to add that I spent 20 years working in adult and children support and enabling services, I'm a qualified Therapist, and have spent over 2 decades as an activist for the human rights and inclusion of those with different needs.

So I fully understand that most people aren't going to have the level of understanding and competency in these matters; but compassion doesn't require training, it requires genuine empathy!

As a community we have to start doing better at inclusion and creating safe spaces for those with disabilities, especially at events! A little bit of awareness goes along way!

No one is expecting you to be a carer, but if you are going to invite those with additional needs to events or play dates, have a basic understanding of their needs, ask what you can do to help and is there anything you need to be aware of!

And when playing with others this should just be basic etiquette and Safe play behaviour!

To event organisers, find out how you can make your event's inclusive and accessible for all! And yes that means you may have to ensure that there are facilities that are accessible should people need it!

We can do so much to make our kink Spaces more inclusive; see that shy person looking awkward? Maybe try to include them, ask them if they are ok?

As a person who is hard of hearing I can tell you how often people communicate with me in ways that make it impossible to hear- I often just give up reminding people and ignore them.

So imagine if you have more complex communication issues?

Again we can do so much to be inclusive, face people (don't always stare in people's eyes as it's anxiety inducing for some), use clear language, don't cover your mouth. Ask people what you do to support better communication; honestly you will find people will feel so enriched if you take little time to understand!

Conclusion

People with disabilities are at an increased risk of social exclusion, it can be a trial just getting to places (that's if someone lets them go!), so we can all do much to welcome people with open arms!

But remember not everyone likes being touched, so take "opens arms" as a metaphor, and at the very least ask before touching/hugging!

[taldigi]

I think the reason Joker/Akechi is so popular (other than sadboy angst) is because of how he changed from vanilla to royal. Having Joker mess with his hair, giving him a boathouse scene, the double entendre of giving someone your glove being a declaration of a duel but also sometimes considered a romantic gesture, among other things made people feel as if they were leaning into a romantic interpretation of their relationship rather than the more nebulous original version. Then there's third semester, with Maruki commenting on their "unique relationship," giving the player the option to sacrifice reality to keep Akechi alive, and the whole Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming thing with the fairytale motif... it just seemed like Atlus noticed that a decent amount of people were shipping Akechi with the protagonist and decided to run with it. It certainly doesn't help that the English voice actor for Akechi that Royal's more romantic lean is "not thinly veiled." I still agree that fandom focuses on it far too much, though. Especially considering how much the game emphasizes that it can't actually happen.

ohh, thank you. I highly appreciate the reply!

I want to preface by saying that my reply comes from my experience in interpreting the game and how that's influenced my own opinion. It isn't meant to diminish the argument, despite any harsh wording, but to examine it through my own eyes.

I also don't.. hate the ship (I had been in the ML fandom too long to know that), but am largely overwhelmed by it's over-saturation and domination over the fan space and what I interpret as being... hugely out of character.

The kind of character I see Ren as being- outside his anime protagonist curse- is a highly empathetic (he takes books and media to heart, is able to empathize with the worst of humanity, and is able to touch the hearts of even the most prickly of people) and selfless person. Someone who would do anything to save anyone at any cost short of killing someone else! it's the reason why he's in Tokyo in the first place, and he doesn't stop afterwards. He steps in-between many many possible conflicts and puts himself in immediate and possibly fatal situations in order to keep his friends safe.

The whole premise of his story, and his ultimate choices, is freedom- after all- even if that freedom leads to pain... But and what is more confining, and final, and indisputable than death? Ren, a guy who chose to let each and every palace owner live and make them admit, understand, and face the consequences of their cruelty... would suddenly let Aketchi into his heart and trust him so fully and wholly? How many families has he left torn apart? And not all the victims were high ranking diplomats. The train conductor may have lived, but he died brain-dead.

Like- duh, right. Ren wanted to befriend Aketchi. He sees himself in him- friendless, misunderstood, and a little pathetic. Ren's scenes with Aketchi come before he finds out what he's done, and after that Aketchi changes. As romantic as those scenes might come off to some (I personally took it as pity) That Aketchi was a fake. He fucked with Ren's head and succeeded for the most part- and if Mona and Futaba didn't step in, he might have gotten away with it. Ren might not have been there to see it, the second he pulled that trigger it was over-- and he still had the mind to gloat about it.

All of the phantom thieves, after it's all said and done. Still express empathy for him. None of them will forgive him. None of them should forgive him... and the Joker I've come to know would never ever grant Aketchi any leeway without- bare minimum, Haru or Futaba's forgiveness.

All that being said, the interpretations of the story given seem highly generous. Ren shows the same affection, offer of understanding, and willingness to assist in any issues to Aketchi as he shows to any of his confidants.

Royal offered more than vanilla, sure- and Aketchi coming back in semester 3 might have been a result of Ren's desire to befriend him or save him (notice how the Aketchi in the stay ending is the softer "fake" version) but it might have also stemmed from the fact that it's in Ren's nature to save others, and the result of the shifted realities Isn't solely reflected in his desire to have Aketchi be responsible for his crimes- but in the fact that he gets to see his coffee family whole and happy- or Haru having her father back and in a good relationship, or seeing Ann or Shiho not having to live with the traumas of sexual assault or suicide attempts, and to see Ryuji and Yusuke living their dreams without pain and with family.

Yeah, they do have a "unique" relationship. They have similar circumstances, they've been pushed to play the same interdimensional game, they're the same person- same coin. But they're never ever going to see face to face. They both chose freedom, but Aketchi chose power and revenge and Ren chose kindness and friendship.

...and you know what? I appreciate that tragedy! I appreciate it a lot. I love what they did with Ren & Aketchi's dynamic and how they expanded it in Royal. It's equal parts deeply fascinating and tragic and says so much about both characters. But just like returning Aketchi to life and free would render that experience void of meaning... rendering it romantic.. seems.. diminishing. It doesn't work as well if it's romantic.

Bah, i'm getting rambly. Thanks for hearing me out.

[twistedtummies2]

Gathering of the Greatest Gumshoes - Number 14

Welcome to A Gathering of the Greatest Gumshoes! During this month-long event, I’ll be counting my Top 31 Favorite Fictional Detectives, from movies, television, literature, video games, and more!

SLEUTH-OF-THE-DAY’S QUOTE: “You attacked reason. It’s bad theology.”

Number 14 is…Father Brown.

Originally created by author G.K. Chesterton, Father Brown is one of the most famous detectives in English literature. Having said that, I must immediately make a confession: I’m not THAT well-versed (perhaps surprisingly) with the original “Father Brown” short stories Chesterton wrote. I’ve read some of them; specifically, I’ve now read all the ones collected in the book “The Innocence of Father Brown.” (My favorite is “The Invisible Man,” which, for the record, has absolutely nothing to do with anyone named Griffin). However, beyond that, I’m not especially familiar with the original writing. I also have not seen either of the two English-language film versions I know about (one played by Walter Connolly, another by Alec Guinness), both of which were based on the story “The Blue Cross.” And I should also immediately state that I have seen only one episode of the TV series starring Kenneth More from the 1970s, which I know has been highly lauded in years since.

So…since it seems like I am unfamiliar with nearly EVERYTHING that has brought this character into popular culture…how DO I know Father Brown, and why is he so high on the list? Well, because there is one version of the character and his universe that I am VERY familiar with: the most recent TV series adaptation of the stories, which began in 2013 and is still going strong today (with a new season coming this year). This show, simply and appropriately titled “Father Brown,” stars Mark Williams (whom many may recognize for playing Mr. Weasley in the Harry Potter films). While it frequently changes a LOT from the original Chesterton stories, the show is still EXTREMELY good. In my opinion, it modernizes the stories in a way that is pretty decently handled, so that even if you haven’t read the originals, you can still get a lot out of what’s being given to you. The spirit of Chesterton’s work is still intact. Much of what I say here will be informed by Williams’ portrayal of the character, which is why I wanted to make all this clear right off the bat.

Father Brown is an example of what might be called “the busybody detective,” or even more appropriately “the accidental detective.” What I mean by this is that he’s not in any way officially tied to the police; in fact, the police frequently see him as a nuisance, who gets in the way of their work and often makes them look like fools. He also never makes a career or a proper hobby out of his detective work. Being a detective just…kind of happens to him. Father Brown, on the surface, is a simple and humble local priest; a God-fearing, God-loving man of the cloth who is charitable, good-hearted, and at times seems sort of fumbling and shambolic. He’s not someone, therefore, you’d expect would make a great sleuth.

A great sleuth, of course, is exactly what this mild-mannered Catholic priest is. Father Brown’s rather simple demeanor belies a steely will, an even more steely faith, and a very cunning and alert mind. He typically ends up playing detective not so much out of a desire to one-up the police or some obsessive desire, but simply because he notices something amiss and begins to question why that is. His greatest assets as a sleuth can be summed up as two simple attributes: common sense, and, above all, human empathy. Father Brown doesn’t necessarily look for fingerprints or psychoanalyze criminals like a forensic profiler, but simply notices things that don’t make sense and then tries to make sense of them. He uses his understanding of people’s personalities, looks at their character traits and ideals, and uses them to his advantage; if he feels it isn’t in someone’s nature to shoot in cold blood, he follows his instinct, and he’s usually proven correct. If he sees someone showing some weakness or vulnerability, he latches onto that to try and sway them. He tries to redeem his enemies more often than he tries to ruin them. Contrariwise, this man also knows when NOT to trust people. While he’s noble and forgiving, Father Brown isn’t a pushover. In fact, the Williams version is revealed to be a war veteran; he’s seen some action (and horror) in his lifetime. This, combined with his devotion to the confessional booth, means that he knows very well that people are not perfect. With that said, despite being a religious soul, he isn’t superstitious, and tries to be tolerant of others with different beliefs. In short, Father Brown seems to understand that good people are good people, and tries to find the good in everyone, even those he seeks to defeat. Whether you’re spiritual or not, he’s not only a good detective, but arguably a good role model: I think a lot of us wish we had a Father Brown in our lives.

Tomorrow, the countdown continues with Number 13!

CLUE: “Are you with me? You might even be way ahead of me.”

[hadesoftheladies]

Girl I FEEL you on the cities thing 😭 there's just something so strange about it. Not all of them ofc but I think it's just what happens when so many strangers are in such tight quarters, empathy can get people hurt if they show too much and that has the weirdest unexpected effects on behavior

i live in the capital city of my country and it gets more populated every day. it is common for us to have positive and enthusiastic conversations with strangers. please note, my city is also one pumping with migrants from all over the world and i live at the CENTER of it. it is nothing like what i experienced in florida, new york or central missouri. i was in the suburbs of central missouri. i saw both manhattan and queens in new york, and i stayed for some time in miami, florida. it was actually the less populated places that had the weirdest people. like both the white and black americans had very strange behaviours. anti-social to the extreme. (in central missouri people would just stare at you and then fake smile or walk away and they'd avert their eyes, keep their heads down, greet no one even people they knew, mumble, stare into the abyss through you LIKE???) it made me question if i grew up speaking english my whole life just because of how weird their communication was. like we had no lingual cues in common and i had an american education! we were literally there to compete as schools under the same curriculum. (most normalest people there were anyone of asian decent, anyone from africa, the guys from honduras, and the two russians that came, and the canadians, at least half of them)

it was actually people from the southern states and new york that talked the most normal throughout my entire trip. new york actually had the most normal people, even among the students i met there. like conversation was natural with them. new york felt like being in my home city, just more ocean-smell. (although in most cases i was only meeting and talking to poc). however, i've also never seen despair on so many people's faces than i did in manhattan. i've never been scared of someone looking miserable but when i say i saw a man whose eyes were black with hopelessness . . . i've never forgotten that look on that caucasian man's face. i've never in my life and in all the places i've been to seen such abject despair on a human being.

i think, bringing it all together, and given what i know about friends and families staying there (i have family in scarsdale, new york and some old childhood family friends in redding, california, and a cousin of mine who stayed in philadelphia for a while) i just . . . let's just say the US is the capitalist capital of the world and it shows in their population. like the mental state of North Americans is just radically different from what a lot us go through. having such a highly consumerist and individualistic culture has really done numbers on so many people there. not to mention its such an efficient empire in terms of mass destruction and propaganda. china is its biggest competitor in that department. i think it's also why that part of the continent has some of the highest rates of mass shootings and serial killings. that system is just so efficient at making sociopaths out of human beings. and the large-scale violence that underscores nearly every interracial relation is just incredible. a family friend is doing university in the US--forgot the state--and he was just like being a black person there is so different from studying in the UK. like it's just so much more oppressive. UK has racists but it's not as dire as the US. you're insulted but not as heavily profiled. in the UK, there's some unspoken respect or understanding given toward foreign students (at least from east africa) because they know we're just there to study and get to work. there's also just way more accommodation and consideration.

the US . . . like it's just depressing going there. also didn't realize how much equatorial privilege i had until i was in florida in the summer with hurricane alerts on the TVs. i have never been blown sideways by the wind. it was crazy!

like my country has frequently struggled with tribalism, but by god it's just not that bad (although our police force is also heavily underfunded). like y'all's government and oligarchs fucked y'all up so bad. your history and economy have just been roasting the humanity you guys are fighting to keep to death. good luck, man. like for all your wealth, i sincerely would never trade places. and im not just saying that to make myself feel better lol. i would not survive. my anxiety would spike up by 1000000000x I'd just get cancer from the stress in like two months.

that being said i also desperately need to leave my city for like a six month vacation XD. i crave the countryside and there's too much noise.

[cobwebcorner]

What are your thoughts on Wesker's capacity for empathy? Using TWDTC as an example, we see a decent spectrum of behaviours from him. At first I had him down as understanding empathy but not experiencing it, so his relationships would all in the end be based on his own enjoyment. But as the fics progress, it's becoming decently clear he doesn't really have a super strong grasp on the complexities of empathy? Like, he is genuinely having trouble understanding Leon's care for others. I'm still not sure to what degree he actually experiences empathy though, it could be anywhere from not having the capacity to relate to other people to having suppressed it in childhood as a defence mechanism and never letting it develop. Basically I have thoughts about his character and was wondering if you happened to have any you found interesting as well.

Personally, I don't apply mental illnesses like personality disorders to villains if they aren't explicitly stated in canon to have one. 1) it's just lazy 2) it demonstrates a poor understanding of both psychology and the nature of human evil 3) it contributes to the stigma against those disorders.

So, does my Wesker have the capacity for empathy? Yes. He's not a sociopath, he's not clinically narcissistic, he's not psychopathic or delusional. He's just an asshole.

I write Wesker as a man who has been hardened by his upbringing and his job. He was taught a twisted worldview as a child, and throughout his entire life has been strongly encouraged to repress any 'softness' or 'weakness', and that includes caring about other people. This man was given charge of a bioweapons lab at the ripe age of 17 and basically told 'here you go kid, you have ultimate power here, but you better produce results or else :)". Can you imagine how that would warp a person? On top of being taught throughout his childhood that the weak exist to be eaten? Throw in the hyper-competitive work culture between Umbrella's baby geniuses and you've got a real snake in the making.

So to answer the question, yes he has a basic understanding of empathy, and yes he can feel things for other people, but he's severely out of practice doing so. It's like his heart has a giant callous on it.

I think a lot of people misunderstand empathy. It isn't something that you either have or don't have depending on whether you're a "good" person--it's a skill, and like any skill it requires exercising to refine. You have to actually dedicate energy to thinking about others, to consider their wants and needs and feelings. People often turn it off to focus only on themselves, either deliberately or without thinking. This is made even easier if the other person is somehow different from you; a different race, class, religion, orientation, etc.

For Wesker, he thinks empathy is not only a pointless waste of energy, but a dangerous potential weakness. Because the world he inhabits is so cutthroat, any kind of 'softness' could mean death or worse. If you care about someone, and people find out, then they know they can use that person against you just as he used Burton's family against him.

So what's confusing for him about Leon is not the idea that empathy exists, but the fact that Leon exercises his empathy with reckless abandon. That he refuses to turn it off, even when it is impractical (Wesker's a very practical man after all). That he chooses to serve others over himself, again and again, often at great risk to his person. That he cares about other people even when there's nothing he can do for them, when that empathy does nothing but cause himself emotional pain. Leon does not shove his feelings in a box and bury it, he does not compartmentalize the way Wesker does, he places an absolute value on human life and he never stops caring. He sits with dying Umbrella scientists and listens to their final words with patience and compassion, giving them dignity in their last moments no matter how angry he is at their past actions, no matter how those actions have affected him.

All this is utterly baffling to Wesker. And let's be honest, Wesker isn't the only one confused by Leon's big heart. I've seen enough streamers react to the remakes. "Why are you still haunted by that guy, you knew him for 5 minutes," people will say when Kendo flashes across the screen in the opening for RE 4 remake. "Why do you care about this woman, she was using you," they say when Ada falls off the bridge.

Leon cares and he keeps caring no matter what happens to him, who betrays him, or what corruption he finds in his own government, and Wesker's over here emitting question marks at him because 'why haven't you learned better by now? You're obviously not stupid?'

Anyway that's my thoughts on Wesker and empathy. This is a subject I'm passionate about, as both a villain enjoyer and someone with lots of mental illness in my family.

I'm going to end with a Pratchett quote, one that goes around on tumblr a lot because it's very good. "Evil begins when you begin to treat people as things."

[jazzyjj]

My rant about the Apple TV show Invasion that I need to type out or I'm gonna scream.

I just absolutely NEED to talk about this show...and how much I fucking hate Monty as a character.

Yes, I know this is a fictional child but the individual playing him is 18 and I'm only a few years older than him so I'm justifying that its ok. We good? All bases covered? Not really? Well fuck it I'm still gonna do it.

As of right now I have only one episode of the second season left to go but because I don't see much change of his character occurring in the finale, I'm just gonna lock in my feelings about him now.

Monty is a selfish, control freak who never actually changes his ways. He just has a couple conversations with a decent human being where he takes a break from being a bigoted dickhead. And because Jamila SOMEHOW found it in her heart to be nice to Monty, the fucker imprinted on her since she's the 1st person to try and be kind to him not out of fear. This is technically wrong cause Casper was nice to him too, but you know how that went.

But let's give him some credit, he did undergo some character growth. Instead of being the bane of Caspar's existence via physical and verbal abuse and plotting to trap his entire class in a ravine until they starve to death just so he can be in control of them; he switches to pretending to be apologetic and remorseful to Casper about all the pain he inflicted upon him, and then shortly after tries to manipulate Jamila into fearing and abandoning Caspar so she'll run into his arms instead. Yes, I know that was an insane run-on sentence. The dude basically tells Caspar, 'I know you're risking your life for me, and idk the entire fucking world by trapping yourself in the upside down, but I could actually give a rat's ass. Please sacrifice all you want but give up the one good thing you still have and let me have her instead, I'll look after her when you die.

He takes the choice away from Jamila to make her own decision about this because apparently, he knows better? And don't worry I'm not leaving Caspar out of this. He's also taking her choice away and then proceeds to purposely hurt her feelings and invalidate her efforts she made to finds him because he believes that's better for her instead of allowing her to fight his demons with him. My guy, she crossed the CONTINENT for you, she almost died like 80 times FOR YOU. The girl is ride or die and you just need to accept that. But I will give him some leeway because he's extremely mentally vulnerable right now and has always been to Monty's influence even when they were in school.

And then I have to painfully endure the classic "I'm no good for you" spiel? I'm pissed. The season is almost over, and I'm broken that this is where Casper and Jamila relationship is, and it's all because of fucking Monty. I was so excited for some 'kids on bikes' when Alfie and Darwin joined Jamila and then Monty had to go and fuck it.

SIGH

I have some hope that maybe the last episode will fix this, Caspar will get his full self back and maybe if a season 3 happens, a brighter future for them will occur without Monty purposefully interfering.

Also last thing, why oh why must Caspar be such a good person, that's what sucks the most about it. The boy has been through so much, watched his mom's abuse and taken on the guilt for her paralysis and then lost her completely, he dealt with his seizures, has been tormented by Monty at every turn and every time he still had empathy for him and showed him kindness and apologized when Monty did not deserve it and it was never returned genuinely.

He's my little guy and I just want him to be happy. Is that so much to ask?!?!

[claylor]

No one asked for this but im doing it anyways.

As i mentioned before I had a deep conversation about george with my friend because I have realized some things. Before I go in, caiti will always have my support! Nothing I say changes how i view her, she was a victim. She was hurt.

I don’t think George is evil. He is not a repeater of these horrid things, unlike Wilbur, who’s constantly hurt the women in his life. Parts of me wants to see the good in him because for three years he had this idea about him that he would never do something like that. While it wasn’t intentional, what happened, happened.

Anons can pour into my inbox, behind anonymity and call caiti a faker, and all types of names. It will not change anything. You could see her broken. No one here kept up on her unless she made some comment about cat beanies. She was young, in hospitals a lot. She is human. You cant fake that type of pain.

She got no financial benefit out of this, she never did. She lost her passion for what she loved to do and if she comes back and says hi, or bye again, what warrants any of you to basically shit on her like shes not allowed to talk to her community SHE built?

I can tell it has a lot to do with internalized misogyny and the fact that the GNF situation “cooled down” and her being back makes you scared for it to be revived.

You don’t get the pain until you have been there, crying to your friends realizing what has happened to you. If it was SA, mental abuse, rape, PHYSICAL abuse. The pain will sit there and make you look at yourself differently. I can’t imagine the fear of coming out with your truth about someone so much bigger then you.

It feels a lot of this place lacks any compassion or empathy for a young girl who was hurt and was telling HER story. You can believe George meant no harm while also just being a decent human being to her.

Its why when i get anons about “oh well youre friends with a golo” whos done nothing but fucking understand what caiti went through and does not hold discussions on wether her story was valid or not.

If i bring up females that were around dteam who were treated awfully by crit, im a radfem who hates all men. Im too woke. I think its insane. Like the dream team are farthest from innocent but youll shit on a woman for stupid shit.

“Pili is toxic, shes a cunt” and dream isnt equally as toxic towards her? I fear we know too much about his sex life and openly allow ourselves for project onto these women and think its okay to harass them because “shes vaguing him” i never understood dumbing her down to a nickname either. If youre going to have discussions about her while anons spew shit about her just say her name.

Women deserve better on crit and caiti deserves an apology.

Moral of the story is, george is not evil, but he did hurt a girl and just because you personally think its a misunderstanding, doesnt make it any less true that george apologized and admitted to what he did and to continue to hold male ccs accountable. 🤞

[unnursvanablog]

Doctor Who, series 14 / tv show review

This is a mostly spoiler free review of the new season of Doctor Who

The Doctor, despite being the title character of the series, is not really what the story is about. It's about the people he takes with him and how they grow and prosper, how their view of the world changes, and all the changes they go through on their journey through the universe, where even someone who is considered insignificant in their own life learns that they are indispensable as we all are. They are the emotional anchor of the show, the viewer's point of view, and Doctor Who has slowly lost sight of that over the years. Whether it's with the latter part of the Moffat era where the focus was on monsters and the Doctor as one of the most terrifying monsters in the universe or the Chibnall era, which had no sense of direction to his stories and could not write compelling characters so save his own life.

This new shiny version of Doctor Who seems to be trying to get back to the core of it, the characters and the adventure and the messiness of humanity, but it's happening very slowly. All the episodes have a very clear theme or message, which is very good. The episodes aren't as lost within their own narrative and know what they want to say, but things take quite a long time, and each episode doesn't work connected enough to form a single whole or like they are truly working together towards something. An emotional arc or a mystery.

The metaphors may often be a little on the nose, but Doctor Who has always tried to create stories for all ages to enjoy so that can be understandable. But each story makes you think, wonder about something, and each episode carries with it a long-lasting moment of thought and wonder after it’s over. And it's great to get that feeling back into the show.

Doctor Who, however, spends a lot of time on the mystery of Ruby Sunday, without saying much, and forgets Ruby as a person a little too often. She is cheerful and willing to do most things despite the danger, becoming a bit of a noble idiot at times, but the reason for all of her actions is never properly explored. Her relationship with her mother, or both of her mothers, is good but the show isn’t willing to dive too deeply into it. The mystery is almost hidden, so the story never does much more than scratch right under the surface of it.

The build-up and unraveling of the mystery surrounding Ruby is too slow, making Ruby miss some of her character moments because the storyline can't let her reveal anything too quickly. It hinders her emotional core as a character, which affects how the audience connects with her.

I don't feel like I really know Ruby. I think she's a decent character, but she's not really the emotional core for us in this series. She moves unnecessarily much with the plot and does not affect it enough except in two or so episodes. She's just there to talk to the Doctor, ready to put herself in danger for him, but that's sort of it. It is Ncuti instead who gets to bear the emotional core, but that may be because he has to sell us the role of the doctor, get us to know him and prove himself to the audience.

This Doctor, who is often recklessly optimistic, yet so frustrated with people who never seem to be able to do exactly the right thing in any situation, often refers to Ruby as his best friend, but the story doesn't necessarily make them bond enough for that to make sense. Unless the Doctor is just so dependent on those who travel with him, which has been a theme with so many Doctors, that he just talks about everyone as his best friend because he is so lonely and afraid of losing his empathy without them. Which is a good emotional core for a character and I think Ncuti really manages that well. There is sadness beneath the surface, and it shows in all his interactions.

The overall arc or mystery reveals itself to slowly, probably because the first half of the series is much weaker than the second. And it could be due to some restrictions from Disney who seem to want things to be colorful and fun, yet simple and easy. But also because we only get eight episodes to explore. There is some boldness going on with the increased diversity of characters, which annoys some, but even with the fresh air it brings to the series some of it seems a little too Disney-fied or maybe just stream-fied as it feels like it's trying to follow the 8 episode streaming formula.

The show manages to be the finest entertainment with these whimsical little journeys and Doctor Who is trying to get back on its feet - which takes such a long time, and yet it feels like the show is in a rush, because it has to cram so much stuff into 8 episodes. It's trying to push it's boundaries further and try to breathe fresh air into the story to get new audiences into the show. It is an eccentric yet sympathetic story, but despite the cool special effects and sets, the budget and the fun adventures and the likeable characters, I think the story lacks a bit of focus and depth at times.

I wish the overall mystery and all that was better structured, sharper, because the is a warmth and a heart there in the narrative – even if there are times, the humor is a little too silly for me but there were fart jokes in the first Davis Doctor Who era as well. Because when she show get's going it really is very good tv. But the unevenness and almost hesitation in the beginning makes the story lack an essence of suspense or danger for a bit. I had a good time, some of these episodes were great Whovian episodes and the series goes out with a bang and it's the most fun I have had in ages with Doctor Who, but my interest did not reach the same heights as in the old days.

[set-wingedwarrior]

Today I saw my therapist for the first time since before the Christmas holidays, needing to talk about my situation at home with my roomate and stuff.

She was already aware of course, she just needed the most recent updates. And, well.

I screamed. After some time talking it out, all my frustration and her pettyness and stuff, I told her about how often I pictured myself finally losing control and screaming at my roomate everything I think of her, which is actually not insults and swearing, but a whole ass speech about how her miserable life is her own fault because she's the one refusing to look for the good things in it.

So, I was telling my therapist how much deep down I wanted to tell her those things, cut deep where it hurts, and I started my speech. About how it's my roomate that is only looking for the darkness of humanity.

How she's the one that only cares about the awful things of the world, and so of course she's miserable!

How can you live a decent peaceful life if all you see is injustice death and destruction?

How I am not stupid, I know the world is filled with those, but that this is why we must be good, and kind, and look for goodness and kindness in others!

How every morning I wake up and choose to look and find joy in the little things, in my hobbies, the love that I get from and I feel for my friends, and in the little gstures of kindness we can see in strangers, like someone seeing you coming and holding the door for you, or a old lady asking me to reach for something at the supermarket because I'm taller and how she gratefully smiles at your help.

How it's not always easy, and that's why it's a conscious choice with effort.

But also, since she's a fucking extrovert, how easy it is to build relationship like that, with people you see in your neighborhood once a month. How much harder it is to deal with people you sare your living space and interact with every day, how harder it is to show empathy and understanding over our own frustration in such instances. How that, also, requires effort.

How not everything has to be a war on society, and sometimes one small act of kindness and understanding can make the difference. How you can't create a kinder world throgh violence, you must be kind to those around you.

And, gradually, my voice rose. Higher and higher, from frustrated esclamations, to yelling, to full screaming.

And it was so freeing!

I never scream. I can yell, and my voice can have a loud tone, but hearing me screaming is so rare that you can't even recognize my voice. I can tell you two separete times in my life when this happened, one being in high school and none of my classmates understood at first who screamed at them to shut up one day, and the other being when I was much younger, still a kid, I got hurt in a stupid way but it hurt so bad that my own mother didn't recognize it at first when I was calling for her.

I screamed months and months of anger and frustration and bottled feelings outside right at my therapist's face (I mean, it wasn't aimed at her, you know what i mean), and she was in awe.

She immediately told me she felt how long I kept all of that inside, how I was right, and she had actual chills listening and witnessing to me letting out all of that at full force.

I don't even remember everything I said, but it was all on the note of what I wrote before. The only time I actually went swearing and insuting and I remember is the end, where I called my roomate out for something in a final manner and concluded with the biggest "PORCO DIO!" you'll ever hear from me (I never use that kind of swearing unless I am REALLY mad. We could say I keep it for special occasioins lol).

Screaming feels so good. There's still a part of me who wants to do all of that at the face of my roomate. I doubt I could win a screaming match against her tbh (she has much more experience considering how much she does that on dayly basis), but there's still that part of me that hopes that it would take her aback to hear that new voice from me, and that that would be enough to make her back off and understand just how much she pushed me over the edge.

Either way, screaming is amazing, and I feel so much better.

I feel lighter.