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#like yes it's fun it's my hobby I love it
novella-november · 1 day
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Not to harsh your joy regarding your personal project, (which does sound awesome!) the fact that you keep answering the "can I do fanfic?" questions with "technically yes, but have you considered not doing that?" does not actually *feel* very fanfic friendly. (Especially for anyone who enjoys fanfic as a hobby and isn't also an ofic writer. For example, I personally write almost exclusively character studies that are an explicit reaction to canon; there is no real way to write that sort of thing except as fanfic.)
Which is just a long-winded way of requesting that you maybe consider less of a caveat with the FAQ if you make one, please.
oh that was definitely not my intention, thanks for the ask! I think it was mostly just because I got that same question a few times in a row from various anons within the same time span (including some that were not published publicly), it just happened that I was thinking of my own project(s, plural now) in the last day when I answered those two, for those who want an extra creative challenge.
There's a reason my own original thing has been in my head for the last ten years without me actually writing it while I've written and posted tons of fanfiction, and even now some of my original works are going to be based on Arsene Lupin, so they'd technically be considered fanfiction since they're based on and use an established work for the characters and settings --
--writing completely original fic *is* harder, and that's exactly why I'm *suggesting* (not requiring!) that people consider taking 1 out of short story 4 challenges to look at their work in a new light.
90% of what I read and (until I actually start and finish my original works) 100% of what I've written in my life is fanfic. I have nothing against fanfic, otherwise I woudn't even be interested in creative writing.
But its also not a diss to say "Would you consider looking at your [fanfic] writing from a new angle and try to figure out different ways of going about it?"
Honestly, being able to even consider this option *as a fun extra challenge* is meant to help improve your writing and creative skills; it's not meant as a cheap shot at people who choose to write fanfiction because I my self write and read tons of it,
it's me saying "if you want even more practice at creative writing during these monthly challenges, try branching out a little bit from your comfort zone, you may be pleasantly surprised."
People who write and read fanfiction already have tons of creative experience, and if people like me and many other fanfic writers who one day dream of being published authors, want to broaden our horizons and seek new experiences, one of the easiest exercises is to take something we're planning on writing or already wrote, and see what we would change to make it brand new and standalone--
-- something that not only helps you come up with new ideas, but also will help when it comes time to *edit*, which can be, depending on the length and complexity of your story, can be a complicated process:
whether that means having to delete scenes entirely,
changing what a character says,
altering an aspect of the worldbuilding to fix plot holes
, re-writing your character so they're not overpowered because it was ruining the stakes and tension,
changing the POV of chapters because it was ruining the flow of the story,
etc etc etc.
I love fan fiction.
I love reading it and I love writing it, and for many people who take on monthly writing challenges, it is a way to test ourselves and gear ourselves up and prove to ourselves that not only can we write x amount of words, but it proves to ourselves that we are *capable of creating*, and for many creatives, that ultimately leads to crafting our own unique stories;
if you're already taking place in a monthly writing challenge, why not push the bounds a little bit *if you're so inclined* and test the waters? Especially when you're surrounded by a community who is cheering you on, every step of the way?
Every Nanowrimo I ever won was fanfiction. Heck, even not during November I once did 40k words in two weeks for a fic.
I always stalled out when I tried to write original works;
it is much easier to start small with a single short story than it is to try to write an entirely original novel, and my encouraging people to try baby steps by *experimenting* with one short story out of four in a month is not meant to be a diss against fanfiction,
but an *encouragement to those like me* who were so eager to write original works but floundered when I tried to jump into the deep end and felt disheartened.
Many fanfic authors aspire to write original fics, and thats who that challenge is for, for the people who want to write original works but are too afraid to fully commit; I'll still be writing and posting fanfiction even if I become a published author, even If I just have to come up with a few new pen-names to post them under.
There's absolutely no judgement on anyone who wants to write fanfiction for these challenges, my "caveat" as you say, is only there as encouragement to those like me who are afraid to take the first step, or uncertain of how to even *begin* that first step, not any kind of condemnation.
TL;DR:
I did not mean for my responses on the "can I write fanfiction" to come off as rude or looking down on fanfiction, its meant to be an encouragment to all the people like me who love fanfic and started out writing fanfiction, and dream of writing original works to take the first step, with a community of like-minded people all taking the same challenge.
Like every other challenge aspect of these events, taking a fanfic idea and turning it into an original short story is completely optional and meant as inspiration, just like following prompts for events is not mandatory, and even completing the 30k word goal is not mandatory; the goal for this month is to create, get in the habit of creating, and having fun with it!
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kacievvbbbb · 2 days
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Okay so I’ve spent the last couple days on Twitter (@kacievvbbbb if you wanna join me 👀) just fucking yapping about my new found obsession with the idea that Mihawk not only reads but is an active and well loved contributor to the pirate smut genre all across the blues. And I just needed to bring this to tumble to get more thoughts on it.
Here are mine;
- he obviously writes under a pseudonym would be funny if it was an anagram of like Worlds Strongest Swordsman or something.
- he writes essentially y/n fanfiction but he is always the reader.
- he is heavily perfectionist about his detailing of things like bodice ripping and that has lead to many a fun night for Shanks as he discreetly tries to rest just how exactly a bodice ripping would look and feel. Or if this sex position is even plausible.
-this one was a combined effort between @Dior and myself but he writes all the lovers as much more of an active participant in sex than the pillow princess himself actually is and this is because he thinks he is putting in exactly the same amount of work into sex as Shanks is which is laughable.
-Benn features heavily in alot of these RHP smut books. Benn
-He mostly writes RHP smut but he will branch out to other pirates like Crocodile maybe Doffy 👀. This gives Shanks heart palpitations when he finds out all this smut has been written by Mihawk.
- Mihawk almost kills both himself and Shanks by drowning the first time he finds out that Shanks knows about his little hobby.
- Shanks regularly requests they try something from the book and Mihawk has to stomp down the urge to throttle him. But again Mihawk’s reader is a much active participant in sex than he is and he is not a fan of all this work he has to put in even though he enjoys the results. Shanks is highly amused.
- Shanks for the first time in his life becaomes an avid reader with a habit and this confuses everyone that doesn’t know what he is reading and suffers Benn greatly who does.
- Shanks is lowkey very into the stories where the “reader” has sex with other men. He starts setting plans in motion.
- Mihawk also collects a lot of pirate smut a lot of it is about himself as well and this is his equivalent to jerking off. His next favorite people to read about are of course Shanks, Cricodile he is ashamed of just how much Doflamingo smut he owns. Lowkey maybe some King smut too.
- a contribution from someone on Twitter tha I live is that he also grades said smut about himslef and then sends the notes to the authors.
- he pseudonym is well known and well lived in the community.
-this is infact where more than half of his riches comes from.
- yes he also does read marine porn. He steers clear of anything that even remotely mentions garp tho. His favorite marine to red about is Sengoku I don’t fucking know 😭. I can just imagine him seating in warlord meetings shipping Sengoku with random fucking marines and pirates as he is trying to talk about very serious business
- he sure write the well known and well loved “the red haired emperor & me” series which is published in Morgan’s magazine or whatever and Shanks always seeks him out no matter where he is and fucks him good and hard everytime a new chapter goes out.
- he continues to do this while at Cross Guild Buggy and Crocodile are non the wiser. His crocodile descriptions start to get more detailed a clown pops up every now and again in his writing Shanks might be on the verge of a heart attack.
- shanks is a little too invested in the situation some (Benn) would say.
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polyphonical · 3 days
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Enstars Memories Road - Class 3A
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Location: 3-A Classroom
Eichi: Welcome to Yumenosaki’s Class 3-A.
Izumi: Aren’t you acting a bit too pretentious right at the start? It’s just like Tenshouin to act all suspicious though.
Eichi: Fufu. It’s just my own type of service. I thought it’d be fun to recreate the way I met Anzu-chan. That fits with the theme of the show, right?`
Kaoru: My first meeting with Anzu-chan… That’s something I don’t really wanna think of. It’s a part of my dark past.
Izumi: You just chased Anzu around right?
Kaoru: I only called out to her when I saw her, I didn’t chase her… Well, I don’t wanna hear anything about chasing someone around from you, Senacchi.
Izumi: Hah? Look, Yuu-kun and I mutually love each other, so I wasn’t chasing anyone around, got it?
Keito: Hakaze didn’t even mention Yuuki’s name though? Glad to know you're at least a little bit aware.
Madara: Anzu-san used to be pretty wary of Kaoru-san, so she hid behind me once to avoid him.
Do you remember that, Anzu-san? …Yes yes, I’m talking about that time we played billiards[1] together. Mama’s glad you remembered that ☆
Keito: Billiards? I wasn’t aware you had a hobby like that, Anzu.
Eichi: … You said “I’m not good at it enough to call it a hobby”? There’s no such thing as being good or bad at a hobby.
Alright. Then, how about we play a game after we finish recording? If you beat me, I’ll buy you anything you want…♪
Chiaki: I’d love to join! I never played billiards before, but I always wanted to try…☆
Kaoru: Ahaha, one of Moricchi’s charm points is that he can manage to squeeze himself into the smallest of gaps~
Izumi: You're acting all adult like just standing on the sidelines like that. Are you going to join them? You look like someone who’d be good at billiards.
Kaoru: As a matter of fact, I am good at it. Then, let me join in and show off a bit♪
Chiaki: Haha, this reminds me of that time we all went to the arcade together after school[2]…☆
Shu: I remember that very well. I had no choice but to join you all when Tenshouin threatened me by saying, “If you don’t come with us, I’ll blow up Mademoiselle♪”
…But I will say that it was a good memory of mine, since I was able to spend my time like a regular student would.
─────────· · · · · ·♡· · · · · · ────────
Referring to Billiards !
Reffering to WANTED!!!
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imwritesometimes · 8 months
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ngl getting comments on fic is like hmmm maybe I should give this whole writing thing a try again....
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Sally is the real neighborhood Rizzler... you all know i'm right...
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thedrotter · 4 months
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I have a gift for y'all today !!! 😊 Ever wanted to find a line in Re:Kinder in a single place for the sake of reference?? How about multiple chunks of lines. how about all the little variations that arise in the text with it's many endings, item descriptions, text that comes from interacting with the enviroment, and character info from the menu without having to boot up the game and go through it at long minutes!!???
well i sure did😊 Since I do a lot of fanart and think up my own silly theories and thoughts that need me to reference the game lines a lot, i have made a transcript for it for convenience's sake. A weirdly thorough transcript handwritten and proofread by me including all character lines available in-game. And I'm sharing it with you all today for anyone that wants it !!! :3 To use as a reference for creative fanworks or a quick search for a line in-game, whatever you wish to use it for!!
It uses the english translation of the game by vgperson. So naturally all credit for the game lines available in here is to her and Parun who made the game.
I did my best to organize it in a way easy to digest. Do note that I'm still human, and there's still the chance for mistake in it no matter how much I've proofread it, since I'm not even an english native speaker ^^. But I hope it serves you well nonetheless if you wish to use it.
That's my gift for today!!! Not the usual art, but still a project I'm proud of. Enjoy!!! 😊
#re:kinder#rekinder#not art#now goofy commentary for those who read my tags#i may have spent at the very minimum around 35 hours on it 😁 because thats what my pomodoro timer got to count in sum#but then again i spent more time without timing it as well so. we'll never know how many hours in total I've put into this#no regrets it was fun because shocking fact of all i enjoy this game🫣 (/s)#you could say but michael there are long playthroughs available on YouTube#couldnt you reference that instead of making a transcript#to that i say... they don't play the game like i do im picky as hell they dont show me every nook and cranny possible#and also i dont like scrubbing through those i thought just pressing ctrlF on a script would be easier. AND IT IS JAJSJSJSJSJS#but thats personal preference all in all#and im used to using transcripts for fanworks coming from earthbound. like there's one for the main game dialogue online and i love it a lot#for this game to not have any felt like some sort of crime considering how cool the story and the lines it has are#its also plenty useful for a game you're writing the spanish wiki for#yes i am doing that apparently my hobby became community work since i got into this game#gotta put that free time before turning 18 and getting a job onto something why not make resources just because i can#anyway fun fact while proofreading i noticed that everytime yuuichi was on scene there was a typo because i got too excited or emotional#either i was laughing because of how evil he is or i was getting unreasonably angry at the treatment he recieved in the past#in section 9 which is true end confrontation i was doing mistakes left and right until the fabled princess line scene#there i was bawling like a baby but THE ERRORS STOPPED ABRUPTLY LIKE I WAS FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE ALL UNTIL THE SCENE ENDED#THEN THERE WERE A BUTLOAD OF MISTAKES ITS INCREDIBLY FUNNY😭 i was fighting for my life holding in all those typos because i couldnt see#so this transcript was made with a lot of emotion laugh and tears and now you know#now i can get bagk to drawing this is the thing i mentioned i was doing fot a while#content feeding schedule crazy rn
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saetoru · 1 year
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i’ve said this before but people who say “thank you for sharing this” in reblogs have a special place in my heart truly
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sollucets · 10 months
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aaaaaaaaaaaaa you're watching woh and you're on ep 9 already???? that means you're almost on ep 12 omfg MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE SPECIAL VER TO EXPERIENCE PEAK ROMANCE THAT SUNBATHING SCENE HAS CHANGED THE TRAJECTORY OF MY LIFE REWIRED MY BRAIN ETC ETC (and made me choose this url)
here's a playlist with all the slightly extended gayer episodes (ep 12 has the biggest difference) https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLk3CgXKvqvFp_0e1wE1twwEJc-PL9BmKS&si=5Otgb4Xw4v-856U0
also!!!! there's a very short but extremely important ep 37 you can find it on tumblr somewhere or ask me and i'll find it for u <33 oh and also there's a car commercial that is an important part of the lore so lmk when you finish the show trust me it'll heal your heart akdhsjsk
also also!! watch the "lip reading for sugar" videos by avenuex because censorship made them dub over a lot of lines that were considered too gay for chinese tv 👀 (it has two parts first on eps 1-15 and the other on the rest of the show) her videos on poetry and cultural references are also really interesting
hope u enjoy the show 💜💜💜
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- @ahxu-laowen
yes the rumors (me admitting to it) are true. i, rowan "i think that's lao wen" "i don't go here" "literally never watched a c-drama" sollucets am making my way through word of honor :'>
uwah sof this is marvelous thank you for ur wisdom!! i think that playlist was what i was already using, if not that specific one necessarily... but most of those videos have history/watch progress on them. so i think i was doing it right
and those lip reading videos are Wild!! those are so interesting thank you for pointing me at them. ive stopped so i dont get ahead of myself too far but thats so fun to me. thank u
i'm "on" episode nine in the sense that i started it a little, but i havent finished it or anything yet so the last i saw was eight. and im really really enjoying it so far!!! i will eagerly await episode twelve but im already a big fan of everything going on. i really love the fight scene style & their developing connection (god... soulmates....) and i understand now. wen kexing truly shaping up for among the characters of all time ranking. look at him
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mutalune · 3 months
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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery
#starlight personal#it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in#my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires#like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful#and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these#I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now#SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME#I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do#if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning#the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH#WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT#AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE#basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics#I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out#2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation#time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh#that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral#to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first#see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP#SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG
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quaranmine · 2 years
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i need to pick up backpacking as a hobby <- is watching adventurearchives on youtube again
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chitsangenthusiast · 2 years
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I am OBSESSED with your paper crafts!! How did you learn/get into it?? it’s an amazing art form!
ISN'T IT THOUGH such a top tier craft that is just a BLAST to play around with every time 🧡🧡🧡
as for how i got into it, i can't remember if i've talked about the origins on here or twitter, but i started with card-marking! it wasn't until covid times when i moved to doing fun fandom crafts, inspired by some artists from another fandom and because i finally stopped having three jobs/grad school to worry about lol haven't stopped since <3
also not to take more space do this, but hey hey look at my sweet new(...ish) paper storage:
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(that is not all the paper i own. i'm just lazy in moving everything over bc i need to figure out storage+have no clue the best way to do it that doesn't harm my paper lol)
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reikunrei · 2 years
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tell me why it seems like 90% of byler shippers are the most smug, insufferable people i’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing on my dash. like can y’all be normal people LMAO
i’ve been following a smattering of general st fandom accounts that also post a lot about them for less than a week and i’m already like “damn i gotta fuckin go”
you’re telling me i survived 2013-2015 superwholock and free! shipping wars and i’m just right back in it in the year of our lord 2023? get a life LOL
#me seeing the 17th punching-down nickname for mileven: im seriously at my fucking limit#I DONT EVEN LIKE ONE SHIP MORE THAN THE  OTHER#WHO GIVE A SHIT!!! BE NNORMAL!!!#saw a post today that was like 'ppl who ship mileven should be scared#bc the st social accounts didnt even post anything abt them for vday teehee mileven shippers are so delusional'#and i rolled my eyes so hard they almost popped out of my head#this shit does not matter! why are u being so mean to these 14 year old characters LOL#mileven and byler are both good! why are you pitting 2 bad bitches against each other!#when will ppl learn that it's more fun to analyze all ships wwith a neutral-positive pov#rather than trying to explain how the analysis makes YOUR ship better#like seriously go get a hobby that makes you happy#rather than wasting time trying to convince ppl they shouldnt ship smthn bc you dont like it#'oh but el makes mike feel inferior so it's a bad duo' bro what#like i see where youre coming from but he's allso 14#and has the  potential to llearn to not feel that way bc el loves him#not my l key sticking every time i use it#anyway. yeah. it's annoying#time to go back to only following cool chill gifmakers#just. i dont think i'll ever understand the desire to focus only on ships#is it valid to analyze media and come away with intricate thoughts on rellationships? yes of course#but god. i just want general discussions about solo charas and the show as a whole#stranger things is a story about LOVE and not about ROMANCE#my aro/ace tendencies are flaring up :zany emoji:#i say things#ANYWAY. I HAVE TO. SHUT UP LOL
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I have two Google docs for things I want to write: one for meta and the other is for fic and dumb little art ideas. I also have multiple WIPs as any person should have at any given time.
There are so many nice (adjacent) ideas I want to write but I’m so reactionary to certain fandom takes now that I’ll never do it. I used to be able to swallow certain takes with an “I don’t agree with that but it’s cute right now and I’m also on my period so I want to cry over fluff anyway.” But for my own personal sanity, I don’t want to “endorse” certain fanon things I’ve come to bristle at.
I have seen many others before post about how the deeper they get into their fav media, the more they move away from shrugging and scrolling towards visceral rage. Now, I’m not boiling with rage or whatever but I do know that the emotions I’m feeling means I need to back off for a while which is so disappointing. There’s so many ideas that I fear while never see the light of day because I can’t get behind “feel good family” takes without feeling like I’m declawing characters.
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firelordhotman · 1 year
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friendly reminder that even if youre open about something on your blog, even if you think its so obviously right in your about/description/pinned/whatever, most of the people who will interact with you are not even looking that far at your blog. they dont know your name or your pronouns or your disabilities or your interests or your credentials or whatever you think is just *so obvious* that they *must* be intentionally ignoring it just to hurt you. ESPECIALLY not if theyre a random stranger who youve never interacted with once before, has never interacted with you once before either, and has absolutely zero reason to care about you. its not a personal attack, its just a fact. this is literally the internet
#i am TIRED. yes this is a vaguepost idc#utter stranger shows up in my notifs DEMANDING i explain a simple little joke tag about me and my loved ones experiences#as if i owe them the slightest ounce of attention in my day#and then when i do explain my & my loved ones lived experiences. they get mad & say im using THEIR personal experiences as a weapon#like. i dont have the slightest clue what your personal experiences are! i dont even know your name!! and i dont want to nor do i have to!!#i dont mean this rudely. but factually: you are not important enough to me to care even a little bit about your experiences#i dont bring up suicide or addiction or any shit like that because its Your experience. bc i have no fucking idea what your experience is#i talk about those things because its MY EXPERIENCE. that IM TALKING ABOUT. in the tags of a post that doesnt belong to either of us no les#this is probably the last thing im gonna post abt this bc i know youre still up my ass looking at everything i post rn#but to finish off. i was never even making a Point about anything in the tag. i wasnt starting discourse about anything.#it was just an Acknowledgement of a shared experience that me and many of my loved ones have. whether u like it or not#like literally i dngaf if YOU personally wouldnt describe your experience that way. We do describe it that way! We can be different#i just made a silly little tag for my friends to see. and YOU decided that you were entitled to both hear my life story and blatantly#misinterpret everything i say about it. like literal 'how dare you say we piss on the poor' type shit#like. saying 'x can cause y' does not mean im saying 'y is literally x' fucking OBVIOUSLY. god#i didnt fucking ask for this! YOU DID!! YOURE the one who DEMANDED it of me unprompted#& clearly must have just gone looking thru the tags of posts for ppl to beef with lollllll#i mean cmon. you didnt follow me i didnt follow you and that wasnt even your post. theres no other explanation lmao its p obvious#anyway i hope u find a better hobby or at least a more fun and fulfilling way to use this website. sincerely#at least get some better critical thinking skills before picking stupid arguments with random strangers online#but hey! play stupid games win stupid prizes<3 right??#also one final note: to hear someone talking about the lived experiences of them and their real life loved ones and go 'hmm. sounds fake'.#its just giving Friendless. its giving 'how could anyone make fun art without doing crazy drugs!!'.#its giving 'Wait yall have friends irl? i thought it was just a joke'. its fucking hilarious and im gonna think about it forever#thank u for a lifetime supply of laughs godspeed
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florenceisfalling · 2 years
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like idk. i miss seeing content from s.igne (though i respect gab wholeheartedly). i miss fanart from my favorite artists. i miss older eras of j.se at times (and yes, there were older eras, the way people pretended he Never Changed is just weird). i miss old anti designs. i miss the old fic trends. i miss having a very active fandom (though i am so happy to see the new arrivals) and i miss seeing him interact with fans the way he did on tumblr back in the day. i miss the way i used to interact with some of the blogs here before i decided to fuckin,,, wage holy war and make enemies out of them (joking, but i have seen sides to some of these people that i wish i could tear out of my memory). i miss feeling confident that i could trust the good intentions of people here and even the big man himself (not god. that makes sean sound like god. you know what i mean). i miss when some of you weren't so fucking bitter which is funny because i'm the bitterest bitch alive. idk. i don't think it's bad to miss any of these things because i'm not going to be an ass and act like it's anybody's fault. i'm not going to be bothered by gab for being happy because i'm glad she is happy, and i'm not going to get bothered by sean taking a reasonable step back from this hellsite when people were cruel to him, and i'm not going to get mad at trends for changing because that is how time works. but i do miss things and i know its cringe and parasocial and perhaps even problematic but i hate having to pretend like i never have Any feelings about the past lest i break a hypothetical rule of what is the Normal level of attachment to an online community. okay. i think i'm done now.
#one of my favorite writers left because they couldn't deal anymore and one of my favorite writers turned out to have shit views and one of#my favorite writers left because of something that was partly my fault and one of my favorite writers stopped writing because of two of the#others and one of my favorite writers hurt someone i love over and over and over and one of my favorite writers left because they were the#someone i love. two of the big names hate queer folk that don't align with their ideals and half the artists left for twitter or for dead.#the man himself left because criticism always becomes cruelty and people lie to make themselves feel good.#the editors all turned their accounts private and my favorite told me on livestream that i was good and starting somewhere but then forgot#my name. and i thought maybe i was the bitter one but then i look at some of the other people who have been here so long and wonder why#they even bother anymore because they care more about complaining with everything j.ack does than anyone who actually enjoys his stuff.#and you know i poked fun at *** for a lot of things. some deserved some not. and one of them was the fact that she compared fandom#to warfare. and yes that's still silly i don't think it's a fair comparison but i do know that she wasn't fully wrong.#when you've been here for a long time and ive Been here for a long time you start to get really used to names and faces#and the change can be like waking up to a new wallpaper in your room. not a bad one just a new one.#i don't want to pretend that this fandom is just a silly little hobby for me when lets be honest i know some of yalls personal lives a#little too dearly for that. ive loved people here ive lost people here the first person who showed me this place fucking DIED and i still#lose it sometimes over the fact that he would have loved jameson so much and we couldve been closer friends had he stayed alive a few more#years. so yeah. sorry for being fucking cringy or whatever but there have been times where i've felt like im on a sinking ship watching#everybody else row away and i refuse to go. so like. cool. cool. im glad things are good again but i never really got to process the bad#things.
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dexaroth · 2 years
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i know its unrealistic and nonsense to feel bad bc im not as good as i could be within a hobby bc a hobby is supposed to be fun and occupy your time but i cant for the life of me not feel guilty about not drawing and not improving
like.. i have most of the resources. i often have the time. i have almost a thousand pictures in my reference folder to be used to practice and learn. i have an internet connection to be inspired and learn from those better than me and yet... i just don't feel like drawing. and i mean drawing something grand.. not just the dozens of doodles and oc refsheets i keep churning.. i want to do standalone pieces like i used to and look at them fondly and feel proud of something. but i just dont have the flame to do it for months and months on end
i mean obviously this is much more likely to happen when it has been your primary hobby for over like 7 years contrary to, say, webpage coding which i just started to learn like a year ago. what's keeping me from wanting to draw though? its so frustrating to know you Have the Potential to be a good artist and knowing How you could become more but just.. not feeling like it. and telling urself im gonna draw tomorrow and tomorrow comes and its one of those days you'd rather stare at a wall the whole afternoon and it just keeps going and going and you stay stumped
#yes i have the potential to do so much better than what i can show you right now dude trust me#not only for personal reasons but i also want to start looking into doing commissions for real and like.#thats insane#idk what to draw > set up comms so someone gives me smn to draw > they dont know what i can draw > idk what to draw > repeat#im also like the guy that loves giving gift art but ive had so many cases where i drew for a rando and they just. treated it like a product#sold along the character like cool! so glad i spent my time into a drawing for you to throw it into your garage sale like everything else!#and that looming fucking awful sense of 'originality' like boohoo someone drew this already waaaa i dont believe in originality why do i >#> care so much. Why. its like knowing there isnt a monster under ur bed and still suffocating yourself inside the bedsheets. nonsense...#this is so tiring. not drawing to me feels like neglecting a dear friend#even though i dont feel bad at not practicing at a game. at not knowing how to code everything in 2 days#at not knowing the best clays to sculpt or the best knitting tricks.#bc its a fucking hobby. i should feel obligated to do it i should have fun when i want to and yet i chain myself to it#i shouldn't fell obligated* oop#could you imagine how crazy stupid it'd be that a construction worker felt bad for not building some lately#WHY AM I LIKE THIS!!! I DONT GET IT!!!#dextxt#<its always funny to end a post with a cry and then have it followed by lowercase txt tag like teehee just another white guy moment#but i do mean im tired and frustrated and miserable for nothing.. war and hate on planet earth or whatever. *explodes*
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