#like. I've been working on growing my relationship with this person because they're really shy but I least like them more than usual

[neverendingford]

.

[sarnai4]

The Dagala Dilemma

Dagur and Mala are two of my favorite characters. They're also my favorite couple in Dragons. That said, I don't like how RTTE handled the relationship.

These characters have one episode of interacting before they decided to get married (two if you include "Saving Shattermaster" where cloaked Dagur stopped the Hunters from attacking Mala and Throk. Too bad that was never mentioned. What a cute way to meet your future S.O!). Then one more, ONE more episode really which was when they announced the engagement. I don't think the very last episode counts for much because they didn't exchange lines. Just one line, then a kiss on the cheek. Somehow, we didn't even see these two kiss on the lips since Hiccup and Astrid decided to make out at the wedding instead.

It's a shame because I've seen a lot of people dislike this ship and I think that's a reason why. The show never tries to demonstrate how they work. Just argue, bond over the twins' mediation methods, then get engaged and married. Life is short, but...rushing that a little, you two. If Viking unions are forever, that's all the more reason you want to make sure you know someone. Even in the engagement episode, we didn't see them interact much. They announced it, then they pulled Dagur away to drop off metal. What's worse is that I really think they could go the distance (cue Hercules) with their relationship. I can genuinely see them growing old together, having happiness and some grandkids by then. You'd just never know from the show. Here's why I think it could work:

For starters, I love that it gives Dagur an opportunity to be around someone who doesn't know him as his bad self. He will always have to prove himself to the others. There's nothing he can do to make them forget who he was and they shouldn't. He killed an entire island of people. Dagur really was a villain. He's also really a better person who has put his life on the line for them several times, with or without them hating him. Mala gives him a clean slate. She doesn't peek think back on the time he almost killed her because he never did. In their entire time of knowing each other, he's been Dagur the Deranged, but he's also been a good guy. He doesn't have to try to stay on his best behavior to make her know he's better, he can just be himself.

Along with that, I think they'd be good influences on each other. Mala seems like the type who doesn't like to show much emotion. She is the unfazed, calm, and strong queen of the Defenders. She tries to contain what she's feeling. One of the examples of this that I loved was when the Riders first met her and she thought they stole the Great Protector. Mala is in such a state of rage that she breaks the arrow in one hand as she processes what happened. Hmm, rage. Wonder who understands that...

Dagur's a lot of things, but shy about his emotions isn't one of then. Even in the first gif with them together, we see Mala really happy and laughing. I don't think there's another time in the show where she's laughed at anything. I could see Dagur helping her realize that being strong and stone-like aren't the same. She can be furious, overjoyed, sad, or whatever else she's feeling and still an amazing leader worthy of respect. He'll just be there to help her through it.

Mala is also calm and strong enough to match Dagur. She's not going to cave to his idea of having the kids of the island start juggling swords. I could see her being patient and considerate by explaining which actions are potentially dangerous/harmful for someone. She wouldn't make him feel crazy or foolish either. She'd just help him as she learned to understand his mind. With her being less easy to anger, Mala could be the voice of reason while Dagur is trying to calm down. I could even see them doing meditating together.

They're also both violent. Mala was ready to KILL Hiccup and the others. She made that very clear. It's something they have in common that they both planned to kill the poor trainer who's on everyone's hit list. I think it's overlooked how ruthless she can be. This is perfect for Dagur. He can get some of his violence out as they do couple battling and Mala won't look at him like he's some monster. They'll be right at each other's side, killing whoever dared to get close.

So, I really think this is a couple that could work. I wish they got more screentime, but at least fanfics and headcanons can fill in the rest. And I still mad we didn't see them do the dance of blades, but I'll get over it...maybe.

[musicismymoirail]

Since I've back on my Infamous kick, I decided to sit down and try to actually figure out Fel's look. I really wanted him to have full silver hair, but it wasn't working for me so black sides for a nice contrast? I like it a lot more, and it still fits his 'very much in love and inspired by moon thanks' vibes, lol.

I also feel a touch bad for him because boy is majorly dysphoric when people can see his freckles and natural hair color, but that's gonna be hard to hide while on a tour bus and in front of cameras constantly. I don't think anyone outside of the band has seen either, not even Orion.

And since I did this for X.O., have some silly headcanons.

• Band is Goodbye Blue Monday. It fit him better than X.O. and I'm glad~ They're more.... indie with folky and minor punky vibes? I always imagine it's a bit like The Decemberists or meWithoutYou's It's All Crazy! It's All False! It's All a Dream! It's Alright album?? Like, this song is super Fel! c:

• Fel claims he was a remarkably stupid child, and his main story to back this up is when he was super young, he was terrified of darkness. He thought the moon was too, since it disappeared a lot so he'd sing to it to try to make it feel less scared. Fel's origin story for his singing and song-writing is just his weird compassion and love of the moon.

• Kid went to college but dropped out pretty early into his sophomore due to his crumbling mental health and realizing how much of it was simply trying to please his folks. I imagine this Didn't Go Over Well with them (especially Mom) and it's partly Fel has no love left for them. He may be a bit of a Stepford Smiler, but even he has his limits, thanks! 💖😤💖

• He went to Harvard too, so Mom might've been doubly upset he dropped out. He had planned on eventually going to Law School, but the Band and Seven won out (and he is happier for that, despite ...everything.) That being said, I always feel like his undergrad was in comparative religious studies or something. It just feels very Fel??

• The band's big hit is based for the old fable, the Moon and Her Mother. It became a bit of anthem of shitty relationships (parents) and gaslighting. There's a healthy debate among fans if it's about Seven (and if so, if Seven's the moon or the mother), Fel himself, Fel's own parents, or if there's any true-to-life to it at all since it is based off a fable. Mainly, Fel just hated the fable and wanted to write something for the Moon …and more parental feelings slipped in then Fel realized at the time, lol. Moon's Momma is harsh and Fel didn't realize how harsh at the time. :')

• While he's good at putting on a face and playing up his flirtious and carefree personality, Fel himself is a painfully sweet and anxious soul. Growing up was a lonely experience. His family moved a lot, though always in the Boston and South Shore area, and Fel found himself more often than not bullied by his peers. Weird, stupid, freckles, shy, take your pick. Kids found a lot of flaws to constantly pick and make fun of.

• Fel does have an (obvious) crush on Orion. Orion is a very attractive and smart and dedicated and witty. And more importantly, Orion is safe. Orion tolerates him kindly, but it's nothing more than that. It helps his heart after Seven. I think when he realizes that attraction isn't as one-sided as he thinks, Fel will have an absolute freak out. "Why would you even like me?! Don't you have better taste?"

• Kid's self-image is pooooooooooor.

• Fel enjoys cooking too! There's only so many tv dinners and take-out you can eat, but Fel grew tired of them both about he was 13. He's an exceptionally good cook and baker, and loving cooking for his friends. He makes them all special meals or treats for their birthdays every year and I can't wait for him to cook for Orion for the first time. c:<!!

• Also, Fel definitely has a Thick Boston accent when he talks. He's not embarrassed by it though sometimes he hangs his head when he hits the Boston especially hard.

• Kid also digs Clefairy despite his gothy punk aesthetic, much like X.O. digs Gengar despite her opulent pink aesthetic, lol. ^^;;;

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: You, Again by Kate Goldbeck

4.25/5. Releases 9/12/2023.

Vibes: classic romcoms with a new spin, uptight anxiety man meets freewheeling lady rake, and friends to lovers the way it should be done.

When Josh and Ari meet, he's dating her roommate (the same roommate she's sleeping with). It's years before they're able to reconnect on the right foot, and only after major blows in their personal lives. As they grow into best friends, the inevitable tension between them turns into something totally different...

I'm really loving this string of contemporaries that take clear inspiration from God Tier romcoms. I don't think you need to be a When Harry Met Sally fan to enjoy this at all, but I do think that fans of that classic snark and feels sensibility will find this hard to resist.

Quick Takes:

--I do really want to touch on those WHMS comparisons, though. I'm a fan of the movie, and if you're a fan, there are certain lines and moments in this that will be clear, never-obnoxious nods. They're not lifting--it's definitely a tribute. However, I also think the book does some really interesting things by throwing a more contemporary spin on the story. Like I said, Ari and Josh meet in a love triangle of sorts--you know Ari is bi right off the bat. And that's always a thing that influences her journey and development. This is an m/f romance novel in which the heroine's bisexuality never feels fetishized or plugged in.

You also get a lot from Ari being the person who's okay with casual sex... only to have her heart crushed by love on more than occasion... while Josh is the one who seeks a solid relationship constantly, while never connecting with anyone on a deep emotional level. There's a gender flipping element that works really well here. The idea of Ari being a commitmentphobic snarker isn't something you see in many books. She's a truly "problematic heroine". She makes bad choices, she hurts people, she needs to grow the fuck up. At points, even I was a little frustrated with her. But the story is so much more satisfying in the end because Ari needed to work on herself.

--And of course, Josh is a great hero. I found him so................... much. He's big, he's shy and uptight, he just wants to settle down and be someone's someone. He could cook. Oh, and he can totally paddle your ass and call you a bad girl over the phone! Yes! (There is a moment over text in this book.... you're not ready.)

--There's a great sense of New York, New York in such an affectionate, romcom-y way? The setting is very lovingly done, and it adds to the sense that you're sort of stepping back in time.

--I've been very vocal about my antipathy towards friends to lovers. I'm not a big fan, generally speaking. I think it suggests a sluggishness and lack of desire and action from the hero and heroine. It often falls back on the idea that "I just didn't see you like that [for five years]" which is just hard for me to believe. But here, while Ari and Josh get to know each other over years, they're not truly friends for toooo long before the levee breaks. A good while, yes; but just enough for the tension to bubble through, never too much. Also, they clearly never see each other in a sexless way. You get so much longing, so much desire in this book, with neither Josh nor Ari ready to admit it.

--Another really nice thing about this book is that for the bulk of it, Josh is 34-35 and Ari is around 29-30. Neither one has their life totally figured out. They're both still stumbling through life and picking up and trying again. It's really nice to see, and fuck anyone who says this is New Adult. These people are adults, figuring their shit out, taking the time they need. That's normal.

The Sex Stuff:

I could have used maybe one or two more scenes, and one scene does cut off oddly early. However, when these two go off, they go OFF. I really liked the way they interacted through sex. It seemed like a kind of truly honest communication between them, and I found it really touching (and hot).

This book ends on a note I was delighted with--it really feel like I was watching an old school romcom come to a close. I had a great time.

Thanks to Netgalley and Dial Press for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[emeritus-fuckers]

Hello! I'm sorry this is so late, but I wanted to submit a matchup, if that's still going? My name is Kat; I'm a genderqueer person (all pronouns) who is bisexual, polyamorous, and greyromantic. This means that while I find most people attractive, I tend not to fall in romantic love unless I know them really well, but I have no problem having physical relationships that are platonic (at least to start). I'd love any matchup, but I would really hope for one of the Ghouls or Papas! I'm fairly tall for being AFAB (5'8") and I'm pretty curvy too. I've always been a larger girl, which made me pretty insecure growing up. I have long brown hair and brown eyes. My style of dress is fairly inconsistent; in the warm months I like to wear short skirts and frilly tops, I jokingly call it fairy-punk. When it gets cold I default to slacks/long skirts and sweaters, think librarian. I also have a fondness for combat boots, they're basically the only shoes I wear. I tend to be pretty shy around new people, but once I'm comfortable I am very bubbly. Most people describe me as sweet, kind, intelligent, and polite. I'm very much a mom friend, and I love taking care of the people I love. That said, I can often get into my own head a bit and panic, especially when it comes to asking for things I want. I try really hard to always make sure the people around me feel safe, happy and loved. My hobbies include video games, listening to music, writing and reading (mostly fanfic), going camping with my friends, and baking. I bake a lot, and will almost always make something if I'm going to a party or event. I also memorize the dietary needs and favorite treats of the people closest to me so that I can always make them something they'll love. My music taste is a bit all over the place; I listen to everything from alt rock to Broadway to bubble pop to folk/shanty. I like anything that I can sing along to, and I do have a rather nice singing voice.

I hope this is enough, and congratulations on 1000 followers! 💙

This post is part of the 1000 followers match up event. Entries for the event are now closed.

Your match is...Papa Emeritus IV

He was shy at first too. But with his Papa paints on he gained confidence and went over to speak to you. He’s so easy to talk to, because he understands being shy, so you get along with him really well from the start.

“Would you like to play video games with me? It would be nice sì?” That’s how you got to know each other properly. You both love video games and hang out a lot together.

He loves that you want to take care of him, and he needs that sometimes. He often pushes himself too hard for his work. But Copia is always keeping an eye on you and he makes sure you are also cared for. He knows you might struggle to ask, so when he sees you getting stressed or tired he puts the day aside to pamper you.

Copia loves baking! He’ll happily help out whenever you want him to (Primo taught him) or he'll just keep you company. He enjoys making treats for his rats which you often help him with.

He’ll cuddle you midway through baking and kiss you on the cheek. Also watch out for him stealing treats when they are just cool enough to eat.

He loves signing along to music and his taste is very varied too. He adores your voice so he'll happily sit and listen. Also he loves joining in. He brought you a karaoke set for your birthday. A really high quality one with proper microphones and everything.

He’ll happily go camping with you, although he has never been camping much before. Copia is used to tour busses so he is really good at packing well and living in a smallish space. He really enjoys camping but at night when you hear strange noises he makes a few little rat noises. Just give him a cuddle and all will be well. If anything truely scary were to happen he would spring into action, Ghouls appearing from seemingly nowhere to protect you. Copia would put a protective arm around you and go full on Papa mode to deal with the situation. He will always keep you safe.

~

Written by Nyx

[snvxiii]

hii i was wondering, do you have any more info you could share about estelle? i don't think i've seen anyone make xiii ocs and i can tell you've put a lot of thought and love into her so now i'm really curious to learn more lol esp how she and her relationship with snow/serah develops through everything that happens in the xiii saga (esp in xiii-2, poor girl must have been going Through It 😭) - i understand if you don't want to type out a big wall of text though, just whatever you feel comfortable w/sharing!

OMG I would LOVE to overshare about Estelle! I actually have an entire canon list in my drafts that I haven't posted yet, since the bottom half is pretty bare.

Just to establish some basic info on the changes I made re:XIII-trilogy canon:

XIII: Serah is the seventh party member. Aside from Serah’s inclusion, the events during XIII stay, largely, the same. Lightning and Serah are separated early-on.

XIII-2: Follows the events of XIII-2 closely. Estelle is an antagonist, working with Caius* to find a way to keep Serah from dying.

*working together in the sense they both want to stop her from succeeding. Estelle is aware of Caius’ end goal, but has no intention of intervening.

LR: Follows the events of LR closely. Estelle, officially, leads Snow’s guards; however, she’s been leaving more and more, desperate to find out a way to fulfill his Focus.

Post-LR: Serah is busy wrapping up her final year at university. Snow, Estelle, as well as the NORA gang, live together in a quiet beachside town.

–

Some general summary about Estelle:

Estelle has trouble forming meaningful bonds. She finds it hard to take an interest in others and tends to act in an antagonistic way. She is afraid of vulnerability, and thus often acts independently.

Estelle tends to view relationships in a transactional way. Most of her adult relationships fall under this category (coworkers, failed romantic relationships she pursued out of loneliness, peers she considers acquaintances at best).

Her main paradigms are Medic, Synergist, and Commando. You can read more about her battle stats here.

She is a Cocoon l'Cie.

–

Background:

Early age: Estelle is one of many children raised by the Church of Gabriel* located in Palumpolum. She's very shy and has trouble making friends. One of the youth volunteers–a 15 year-old girl named Thea–notices and pays a lot of attention to her.

Estelle, who is 6 years old at this point, latches on. She later considers Thea to be her sister and role model.

*Gabriel is a fal'Cie who is linked to conception, pregnancies, births–essentially, its main function is to ensure Cocoon's population continues to grow and it also acts as a massive database that logs every single birth on Cocoon. A church is built in its name, because why wouldn't the Sanctum use religion to build their own image and take advantage of humanity's belief in the greater unknown? Gabriel is depicted as a kind mother who loves humans.

15 years old: Estelle enrolls into a program to become a part of the church's guard*, hoping to work alongside/under Thea eventually. However, that are rumors of traitors among the guard...

*like the other military groups, they're tasked with protecting Cocoon against Pulse invasion. However, higher members are tasked with exposing and taking out suspected anti-Sanctum rebel groups; as well as, cover-ups.

Thea works under one of the top members; both of whom are later revealed to have conspired with anti-Sanctum groups. On paper, they're both KIA.

One day, Estelle is brought into questioning–nothing official: a small room with someone she considered like-family as well. Given her close relationship with Thea–who has often brought her along to meetings when young–she, unwittingly, ends up giving away the location of their hideout.

After learning the truth, Estelle is confused, feels betrayed (both by the person she told and by Thea's actions), and feels immensely guilty.

The next few years, she continues to train under the program and rises through the ranks; however, her faith is fractured as she learns more about the corruption within the church and the Sanctum.

(Gonna end this part here, because I could actually go on forever.)

–

Her relationship with Snow and Serah (and, really, the others) in XIII:

Early-game, when the group is separated, she ends up being paired with Serah. At this point, Serah still show some hesitation–which pisses Estelle off and causes her to lash out at (she sees a lot of her own fears and weaknesses mirrored in her). Their early dynamic involves a lot of Serah wanting to prove Estelle wrong.

Estelle hates Snow's idealism and, from her POV, blind belief in others. She wants to tear him down so badly. She's, especially, antagonistic towards him.

On Gran Pulse: she ends up leaving the group from a mix of being burnt-out, feeling hopeless, and a massive inferiority from being unable to share in their camaraderie. Of course, she gets herself into trouble by picking a fight with some massive beast to prove something she doesn't need to prove. Thankfully, they find her before she dies (hahahaha).

She loses the emblem she took from Thea's old uniform (she wore it instead of her own issued emblem and often messed with it). She's so depressed and quiet (hahaha).

Vanille notices that she keeps reaching for the spot the emblem used to be. And because Snow can't keep to his own business–he's determined to find it.

When they do find it–it was a long back trek and hours of digging through mud–Estelle is so, genuinely, surprised and touched that she bursts into tears (she needed a good cry for, like, five years). This is when she starts opening up.

Since Estelle is still awful and awkward (she's trying really hard NOT to be an asshole); she approaches Snow and Serah the most (partly out of familiarity; mostly because she feels guilty for how she acted).

Eventually, she starts getting... comfortable and often follows one or both of them around (she's clingy hahahaha).

At the end, she "confesses" in a "let's keep being good friends" (LOL) sort of way, but more heartfelt and awkward.

Gap between XIII > XIII-2:

Estelle chose to help settle New Bodhum. She tries hard to be proactive and helpful, but ends up just... hanging around Snow and Serah again. It's... endearing?

After spending, like, a year together, Estelle just. Realizes she's crushing hard and this is a Disaster. And it's obvious when she realizes, because she starts acting like a jerk again.

Her confession was... it was embarrassing.

XIII-2:

At this point, they're dating for... two years? Estelle's tied a lot of her identity to their relationship, so she is attached to both of them in an unhealthy way. It's not exactly a problem, because they're all still young and haven't recognized the red flags yet (lol).

Estelle has a dream of Serah dying... it's realistic and terrifying and fills her with this massive sense of dread and she just can't lose anyone again. When Snow suggests finding Lightning, she is pissed. She lets him leave unhappily (and when they meet again, she is so fucking angry that he got branded again).

When she learns Serah really IS dying... god, she almost loses it. She accepts to aid Caius in stopping Serah and Noel. Her paradox ending is trapping Serah in a dream-like state.

They have one last date on her request.

When Serah dies, Estelle is truly heartbroken. And thus starts her obsession with keeping Snow alive in LR.

XIII-2 > LR:

Estelle spends many years blaming Lightning for Serah's death.

LR:

Estelle spends five centuries driving herself and Snow mad, trying to find a way to "fulfill" his Focus. She gets worse as times goes by and often leaves for long and longer periods of time.

Eventually, it hits a point where she realizes she's only making Snow miserable and adding to his stress (and contributing to a faster death). So, she leaves. No, she doesn't tell him; she writes a letter (and he does not read it).

Despite leaving, Estelle still continues her pointless hunt. It's only when she meets Lightning that she finally accepts that she can't save Snow and she begs Lightning to save him.

They do reunite, however, and choose to spend their last few days being together and remembering Serah. Happy ending, I guess?

Post-LR:

Lots of therapy. Estelle is learning to be okay with being alone and finding ways to enjoy herself that doesn't revolve around her relationships.

They don't get back together immediately. Though Snow and Serah still care and are open to the idea, it's hard to just... pretend what happened didn't happen. Their first few months is spent learning and being comfortable again.

And that's about it so far!

[infinitemelancholie]

So now I'm trying to figure out these deep strong feelings I have for him which is nuts to me because I can't believe I hadn't allowed myself to experience these feelings in their entirety.

I can't remember exactly when they started but I think they've been around for a long time and I just never once thought about them or what they are. I think I've always wanted to be around him and have him in my life. They're deep seated feelings for him that I just happened to develop because of a chance encounter one night at college. Then I would go off and think about him when he left because I did miss him. Then he reentered my life and I've never been happier to have him back. Of course I just want him to myself and no one else. I just want to spend the rest of my life with him...

I love the way he thinks. I love how compassionate he is. I love how he tries his best to be the best for others. I love how he cares about others outside of himself, and how he shows his respect towards others. I love that he respects me as a person. I love that he has worked to solve my problems whether they be from a separate relationship I'm in or our relationship.

He's silly and playful. Can be shy around others. Artistic. Creative. Driven. Focused. He isn't afraid of changes. Fearless. Accepts things as they are and can work with things that aren't to his liking.

He's like me in a lot of ways, and maybe that's why he's gone silent on me for the interim. And why he's probably been silent at times.

In light of this I also know that he doesn't want to date me right now especially since he's out in another state and unsure of where he's going to end up next. I know he's scared of long distance, and I know he doesn't want to go through something like that. And I need to accept that and I have.

I'm pining over someone I can't have. That's not healthy for me and isn't doing me any favors. I can't place my life on hold just for one person. And if I stop myself from growing I'll never become a better person than I am today.

I'm not a fool or a dope or hopelessly in love. I may be love sick actually and that's a new one for me. But I think ultimately I just want to know that I'm going to be ok even if I don't end up with him in the end. I really do and hope that we can be together but that decision isn't up to me. It's also up to him.

I'm afraid of the two of us growing closer. I'm afraid of losing myself in this situation like last time. I think I even started to redo everything that I had done last time as well. I thought I was keeping it slow and easy but then I started doing it all over again so I've been trying to distract myself with others but that hasn't exactly worked out well for me either. Probably because I'm still pining over this one.

There was fortunately at least one other person where something like this happened to me. God I was obsessed with him and I think it took me years until I got ahold of myself. Those left me after just knowing him more and more and realizing how little of a match he was for me, and even in some ways repulsed by him. I think that's what I'm missing from this one on my mind. I'm just not letting him let me down and disappoint me, and I need to. I need to ground myself in who he really is so that I can work on either getting over him or realizing this is the one for me and we'll have our happily ever after together.

I'm thinking now of course about Jake and Amy because those two started off platonic then Jake caught feelings hard and just had to struggle with those. Fortunately though he was the type to get involved still with others and have a successful and great relationship. Of course eventually he and Amy got together because TV but they took it slow still. As did Niles and Daphne. I guess really I just got choked up and caught up in how I feel that I never really let myself just let things be as they are.

It's been at least a day or so since hearing from him. I'll probably text him Monday if he got the painting since I need to get my refund. In the meantime I'll start to focus on others and building my relationships with them.

[fairymint]

SHIPPING INFO. Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

What’s your OTP for your muse(s)?

....there's a lot, and the most 'realized' of them atm is trainer Felix x Volo, although admittedly no OTPs are 'active' right now brainwise I've been slowly rotating Zivan and Felix, or Rex and Felix, but those are more vague sexual ideas rather than details;

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Most everything, but my writing boundaries are more mun-based; I will not ship/write with you if you constantly churn out single sentence or generic replies-

I am not a fetish or smut/etc. machine that you can just put coins in to redeem. also, I don't care if your muse is shy or a bottom or whatever- you need to learn how to write descriptively to make up for that.

They need to be a good victim, or else it's not fun, and you're making me write a glorified fic in that case. Try to match my energy here.

Unrelatedly, I don't RP on huge image, generic 'open to all' starters; it just feels too close to 'bullshitting on stolen* fanart' than writing a story.

and lastly, I don't write super upsetting topics of active noncon for the benefit of everyone; writing it respectfully or realistically sounds like more work than it's worth. Theoretically possible, and I have a strong stomach, but nah. As for sexual myths, I'm just tired of seeing them and the misinfo pisses me off; not the person writing tho, so I'll ask you to edit your reply with more correct info.

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

American School range, I suppose? As in, middle school with middle schoolers, high schoolers with high schoolers; 4 years at most. Case by case, as we all know that a lot of growing happens at those ages. (tbh in different countries w/ different school gaps, I'd follow those instead.) However, Kids are not usually the best at relationships IRL, so shit happens and I'm not actually super into 'toy shipping' as it's called, unless it's pretty wholesome. If it's adorable and interaction is reasonable, I'll find it cute. If not, meh.

As far as adults go though, I don't mind age gaps. Lots of teenagers get antsy waiting for the big 18, so are mentally prepared on purpose for the big leap- but just lack experience, which can happen at any age. (especially when sheltered/spoiled.) Relationship problems have all to do with cooperation and situation anyways- things like chores, financial situation, boundaries... I do personally prefer a slow-burn with 18 year olds dating anyone too much older, with small room for exception if they're exceptionally bold and/or responsible. (read: slow burn would feel undoubtedly ooc for them. But my older muses will not take the lead here, so to speak.) That's more about not being a creep than ability to consent.

Are you selective when shipping?

a smidge. I've rejected ships before based on excessive teasing because my muse really wasn't into it, as a pretty serious/stoic/smartass/dominant character that doesn't like to be thrown around playfully.

I think I need to be asked/told that you want to ship if our muses don't have chemistry, that way I can plot some instead. I'm a very 'my muses drive themselves' unless asked otherwise.

But I'm not here to play games, though. If you're a no ship blog, or the character is no ship, the intent is not there, regardless of IC feelings; I'm expecting IC rejection in that case, it's this magical thing called a 'crush'. On a similar note, I'm not comfortable with muse creation biases; If you 'don't ship with OCs/Self Inserts/trans' or any blanket statement, you're starting to make assumptions that will piss me off, and you don't get other ships. I don't follow people with rules like this, so springing it on me during discussion isn't welcome, either.

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

I usually cut it as actual sex acts, and depiction of arousal; that moment when making out devolves into explicitly wanting sex. Suggestive tags usually lie on the border for me; things that people joke about or are allowed on radio/tv.

Does one have to ask to ship with you?

I prefer it, but technically no. If our muses have chemistry and the question pops naturally in replies, I'll count it and likely double-check ooc.

But, y'know, old habits die hard and I have the reflex as a self insert player to always ask first and be clear, if it's coming from my side. I usually let crushes and sexual desire bother my muses while they figure out the logistics of actually acting on them and asking.

I'm delighted if I'm asked before the fact and happy to help, however! Because that's both consent and a prompt/challenge; how to make em get together and like each other/etc.? These ideas sound cute to me.

How often do you like to ship?

it's my comfort zone, but let's be real, I'd interact with my entire dash if i had the time and muse. platonic or otherwise. I theoretically don't give a shit if i ship or not, but will fall into shipping content if i'm feeling lazy. Because I've written it a lot before. comphet i guess???

Are you multiship?

Yes, in the sense that I'm not playing with the whole 'jealous rp partners' thing; I'm poly IRL and not interested in ship wars.

But, I'm fine with things like IC Poly, have my biases, and am okay with commentary that's non-toxic on an ooc level.

Are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

like i said, shipping is my lazy comfort zone; I'll be thinking of ships in bed and ooc when I'm chilling. But attention is good. dynamics are good. no need to be afraid if you're on the platonic and aromantic-interactions boat. We can't all be romantically compatible 24/7.

What is your favourite ship in your current fandom?

I'm not invested enough in my latest games quite yet; I suppose from Mistria, Eiland is cute, and I kinda ship the protag with Juniper as well!

I'm a bit of a LambxNarinder fan for the karma-esque, 'mercy is cruel' irony; marrying your biggest threat and User is just funny to me, especially if the relationship itself isn't cruel afterwards. I wanna see the death cat crumble under kindness-

in a meta way, my brain is rotisserie rotating Zivan, Rex, Volo, and Naoya as 'he's hot i'm gay' without much further thought; life's been a bit hectic for fantasy lately.

Finally, how does one ship with you?

Asking me at any point is the most reliable, IC chemistry and asking is possible. Suitable prompts and opens count as asking IC.

As a bonus, feel free to ask anytime about what my muse's opinion of yours is, if that's what helps you decide what to do. I'm honest when it comes to that shit, because it's fun-

Tagged by: stole it!

Tagging: take it!

[ihatemyselfbutidolovetea]

11/22/23

This isn't a vent just something I've been thinking about recently that I'm trying to put into words.

So we can all unanimously agree that babies and children are annoying right? You're probably a weirdo if you enjoy listening to babies cry or children screaming for no reason. I'm sure at one point you wanted to tell a parent of a crying baby to "shut that kid up." I work at a grocery store filled with young families, and it has really tested my love for kids. It is different when it's your own kid though. You don't like it when your kid is being loud and rambunctious but you accept it because "they're kids that's what they do." A baby doesn't pop out of the womb knowing who they are and what their place in the world is. And that's why they cry, scream, act out, etc... They push boundaries, it's how they learn. A child doesn't know they're place on this mud rock or this grand scheme of existence. So they act stupid in order to find it. I don't mean when a child touches a hot stove, and that's how they learn to not touch a hot stove. I mean acting stupid and loud as a way of discovering who they are. This process doesn't just stop at kindergarten, it can go all the way to the end of high school, maybe even college. A child does just as much learning internally as they do externally.

But what happens when that child becomes an adult and the only discovery she's known is "don't touch the hot stove, don't touch the hot stove-" That's all well and good but how do I cope with relationships, taking care of myself, what do I want besides not touching a hot stove? This is the basis of my identity crisis, I no longer know who I am.

So Jayson called it quits on our relationship, and I'm not just heartbroken, I'm devastated. It hurts so much when he says I'm just his friend. His reasoning was that I'd been attending community college for too long when I said I'd be graduating years ago. That's his claim but I think there's more to that. Jayson was head over heels in love with me but that love fizzled out because he fell out of love with this version he got to know. My whole world was being an artist, being Jayson's girlfriend, and being sad and shy. That was it. This is my identity. People would tease me for being so emotional and shy. And I would wear these qualities like a badge of honor. My dad told me once that I should "get over being shy." Why should I get over an integral part of my personality? It's who I am. My tag on my art Tumblr is "absolute crybaby." Hell, look at this blog I'm writing on! The UN is "I hate myself." And it's never changed, I still hate myself. New flash; being shy, and self-loathing aren't personality traits or virtues, they are character flaws. For YEARS I haven't changed, I have been the same person since high school.

I want to be loved for me. Not for someone to love me for who I was in the past nor who I will be in the future. But I don't love me for who I am in the present. This is why I don't deserve a boyfriend.

Since the split, I've noticed even more just how people treat me. It makes me upset. It makes me want to lash out and be resistant to any love I receive. "I want to be a queen," I never understood why Alice would repeat this. Who wants to be a queen? Who wants to have that much responsibility? Queens have attention, but they work for other people until they get old and die. But that's not what being a queen means. A queen takes control of the madness around her because what's not mad is her and what she wants. I'm not they're yet... It's clear to me that no one thinks I'm there yet. It's not that I want to be a strong independent woman who don't need no man. It's that I don't deserve a man to love me. Times have changed, me being shy and anxious most definitely won't land me a husband who can take care of me and the family we create on one income. Would I be able to find a man who will be attracted to me for who I am now? Yeah. But give it time, and he will eventually grow to resent me based on my stagnation as a person. And that's what happened to me and Jayson. He tried to accept me for who I was now, but this seedling wouldn't grow. Attraction can only get you so far. At some point, you have to ask yourself, "am I the reason why she isn't growing up?" So you leave.

A guy should hate me for crying and refusing to put my toys away. But at the end of the day, why would you badger a kid to "grow the fuck up"? You can't. So you treat that child accordingly. And it feels so alienating trying to maintain adult relationships...

[aangelinakii]

Hello! Your pjo "First dates with them" post was really cute and awesome! Could I make a request? It'd be about Pjo characters reacting to gn reader who loves hugs and/or cuddles, but is too shy to ask for it and don't want to annoy/bother them by asking in case they don't like it? (I'm so sorry if this is a weird or difficult idea to do, feel free to decline this request!). Fluff. Don't worry if this request takes a while to write! Thank you in advance and have a good day/night!

reaction to having a shy but cuddly s / o

for : percy jackson & the olympians

note : thank you so much for requesting !! i'm so sorry it took a while,, i've been on a hiatus because i just haven't felt motivated !!

percy jackson !

i think percy is also the shy type at the beginning of relationships, but gets used to everything relatively quickly . especially with an already shy partner he would get used to them quickly. in the end he would ADORE them and their shyness. wouldn't tease them about it, because he knows what it's like to feel small about something you can't control. but knowing that they're very clingy and cuddly would make his heart absolutely melt. he loves the little cuddle sessions with them where his partner is holding him so close there's little-to-no gaps between them, whilst their face is hot and smothered in his chest

annabeth chase !

annabeth is NOT shy. maybe about her feelings towards someone , but otherwise she is def not shy. she probably thinks she can train ?? them out of their shyness, so is trying to do things to get them out of their comfort zone ( that don't really work , and she only stops when she gets pulled aside for a very awkward talk ) . after said talk,, she'd leave them be, not trying to control their shyness. when i think of annabeth, she isn't a touchy or cuddly person , v independent , but if she notices her s / o is incredibly clingy she'll make a few exceptions ;((

nico di angelo !

naturally, nico would be quite similar ,, shy in initiating moments like these. i think he's disappointed in himself quite a lot, pondering whether he could've changed things when he was growing up , so he tries to desperately hard to not mess anything up in a relationship, unless everything comes naturally. i can't imagine him being too touchy, lovey dovey , but he does enjoy when his partner comes over to give him a cuddle or just to bask in the presence of each other. long story short,,, he would be fine having a shy s / o and would be even finer when they work up the courage to be clingy. he doesn't mind clinginess purely between those two, like in private , but he'll ask them to stop if it's in front of too many people. i feel like he prefers to keep his relationships on the down low in public

jason grace !

i feel like jason would be the dominant person in the relationship ( get your mind out of the gutter ) and would initiate a lot of the more relationship-y things ? like kisses and cuddles, and would often plan the dates. he wouldn't mind a shyer, more clingy type because he would get to feel like he could protect them. he's a roman fighter , he protects people as a day job without the pay. so when he can just chill, wind down from all of his battling, and just cuddle with his s / o, he would just be so happy and grateful

( this has been in my drafts for the longest time, and i didn't get on to leo and piper :/ , this is just me taking everything out of my drafts )

leo valdez !

piper mclean !

[something-tofightfor]

I tend to think of age gap as something larger than 10 years. My SO and I are 9 years apart and I think that more than that you start to have people that can be in two very different stages of life and/or maturity levels. I've seen this with people that I'm close to who have a 15+ year age difference and it's been very difficult for them. I also personally get a little weirded out by larger age gaps and avoid fics that say age gap or reader is of legal age because it starts to feel predatory. That being said, my hang-up is my personal hang-up and I don't think poorly of people that write and/or read large age gap fics. They're just not for me.

YES. First of all - I have to say that while age gaps aren't my thing either and I will usually always close out of or scroll past the same things you do, I can't judge people for reading and enjoying them because that's what the content exists for. (It's the same way I will absolutely NOPE out of anything that says 'daddy kink' in the tags.)

These things are for someone, but that someone is not me.

I also sometimes have to take a step back and remember that compared to a lot of this fandom (and even Ben's) I am OLD. So early-mid 20's is an *actual* age for a lot of the readers and writers, meaning that it makes sense for them to imagine a 20-something when they're creating or consuming, as opposed to me that always pictures reader characters as someone closer to my own/the male character's age.

I also agree with you about the maturity levels; and that sounds a little condescending, but it's more about the amount of life experience that a person has, in my opinion. Someone that's 22-23 and just graduating from college or even just in that stage of life will have had very few of the same experiences or growth opportunites as someone in their late 30's or early 40's in the vast majority of situations, which can make a relationship very difficult to grow and maintain - like your friend's.

For your situation, 9 years difference is very different between say a 20 year old and a 29 year old and a 36 year old and a 27 year old - or even a 30 and a 39 year old or a 51 and a 60 year old. I know that it all depends on the people in question, and that every situation is different, but I think as that gap widens ... it gets so much harder.

If I were to date someone 15 years younger than me right now, I'd be dating a 19 year old. My little brother is turning 19 in January ... and that's unthinkable to me - as is the thought of someone a few months shy of 50 being interested in dating *me*. What do we have in common? (I sure as shit have nothing in common with those little Fortnite loving assholes, that's for damn sure)

I also agree with you saying that the larger the gap, the more predatory things seem, especially when the ages are skewed toward the really young side on one end - even if that's not the case. It's especially true in fiction, when authors and showwriters glorify these types of relationships and load them down with drama. (Darkling, I am looking at you. Julia Day, I am looking at you.)

At the end of the day, people like what they like - and make the decisions in their lives that they want to; I wasn't trying to judge them for that. I was just specifically asking in terms of what people think when they write/tag stories on here with that warning because for the Joel story I'm working on ... he's in his late 40's, and while the Reader character is at least 6-7 years younger than him, I wasn't sure if I needed to include that there was a specific gap ... but now I think I do, because she's definitely not 20, and don't want people to imagine her as such.

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Bi-Yearly Update #139: Don't You Shy Away (From Blogging About Fan Culture) (4/16/21)

Well... this week has been interesting!

A few years ago- heck, just one year ago- it would have been inconceivable to imagine Twenty One Pilots entering into a new era and me not being all over it. When Trench was released, I was practically a daily update page, covering every new drop of info as I reached it. Admittedly, a lot's changed since then. Some of those changes are just a matter of how much time and energy I have to run a blog. As I said ten days ago when it became clear that a new era was coming, I am deep into my doctoral work at the moment (and, due to defending my dissertation prospectus next Friday, will not be able to post next week either).

But there have also been some fundamental shifts in how I approach fan culture. The events of the last year, in the world and in my personal life, have made me really confront the problems inherent with holding people up onto a pedestal, of devoting any part of your life to following a stranger's, and of parasocial relationships in general. I cannot go back to the same mentality I formed in 2013 and kept until somewhere between 2017-19 where the music that I liked was a core part of my personality and writing about the people who made it was a thing that gave me purpose.

At the same time, though, I cannot pretend that I don't still love the band that provided me with indescribably valuable comfort at a time in my life where I needed it. Twenty One Pilots' music, message, and fan community carried me from one place to the next, and so did this blog. They're always going to be a part of me, my interests, and my history. So, yeah; I'm gonna keep writing about them, just with perhaps a little less gusto. And that's a healthy thing!

But boy, is there a lot to gush about. I don't know about the rest of you, but "Shy Away" has only continued to grow on me over the last week, leaving me very excited about the future of our band moving into the Scaled and Icy era.

Recap's under the "Read More". But before that, just gotta say (since I haven't for awhile): Power to the local dreamer.

|-/ (I ain't changing the logo, Tyler, you doof.)

Ok, so y'all don't need me to explain everything that's gone down in Cliqueland over the last two weeks. We had dmaorg updates that were quickly overshadowed by promo posters for Scaled and Icy (which, of course, is just an anagram of "Clancy is Dead", because Tyler Joseph hates me personally) featuring our new icon mascot, Trash the Dragon and an album tracklist. We had a sweet new website launch with plenty of nifty Easter eggs and the promise of an exciting livestream performance on the album's release date, May 21, after well over a year off the stage. We had several interviews where we got intel over when to expect a tour (no clue), where Ned's at (missing), and if the album's being produced under duress from Dema (no comment).

More importantly than all of that, we had a dope new electro-indie song/tutorial for Jay's music drop. After I initially responded with a somewhat subdued "This is fun", "Shy Away" has just continued to worm its way deeper and deeper into my brain; I'm still humming it every hour or so. I cannot wait to someday hear a room full of people yell "I LOVE YOU (ooh ooh)" in harmony. The music video, directed by Miles Cable and AJ Favicchio, is somewhat light on narrative unless you fall down some Reddit rabbit holes, but has some nifty visuals (and space buns). More exciting for me is seeing another BTS video from Mark; it's been over two years since we've gotten to see Tyler and Josh at work, joking around with each other between takes, and that's such comfort.

Clearly, lots of folks are also digging this song. While it's still early, "Shy Away" has been outperforming "Level of Concern" at this same point in its release, having the best debut performance from an alternative song at Billboard since... "Jumpsuit". We'll see if this poppier track catches on better with radio audiences than other TØP tracks have since Blurryface and deliver the band another bona fide hit. I'll admit, I'm skeptical- I haven't heard anything quite like this cross over to the Top 40 in a few years now, it's gonna need to have some time to grow on people, and those promising early numbers are starting to trail off. I'm excited to be proved wrong!

That's about all I've got for now. Like I said earlier, I don't plan on releasing another update until two weeks from now, but I might change that plan if they happen to mess around and drop another track over the next week. We'll see. I'm excited. My band's back in action! Stuff's wild.

Once again, power to the local dreamer.

|-/

[loveisneurotic]

Kaguya-sama Blind Reaction/Analysis: S1E1

Hello everyone, this is my blog which I am currently using to react to and analyze Kaguya-sama: Love Is War much more seriously than I should analyze any romcom.

I have only seen the first episode of the anime, which this post shall explore using far too many words. If I'm feeling particularly motivated, I may read the manga as well.

My analysis will contain spoilers. If you're thinking of watching this show and haven't seen it yet, I recommend you at least go check out the first episode yourself before reading any further. I don't know what the rest of the show is like, but what I've seen so far has been both entertaining and thought-provoking.

I'm going in mostly blind, but not entirely blind. There are a few images of the anime and manga that I have been exposed to, although without the attached context. Due to cultural osmosis and the sheer popularity of this work, perhaps that was almost inevitable.

Figure 1.1.1: Why did this guy write an essay about a single episode of an ongoing romcom?

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War

Season 1 Episode 1

I Will Make You Invite Me to a Movie / Kaguya Wants to Be Stopped / Kaguya Wants It

Power dynamics in relationships

Figure 1.1.2: Immediately, the mangaka's tastes become clear.

I heard a saying once that really stuck with me: "The partner who cares the least has all of the power."

In the world of dating, I often sincerely believed this saying. You may yearn for someone's affection, but the other person need not give it to you until they are willing and ready. No matter how much you want it, you can't make someone more interested in you, unless you resort to being roundabout, such as adding some mystery and intrigue to your courtship. But is that excessive?

I once felt a potential lover slipping through my grasp, and before I knew it, I found myself chasing after them. As I was yearning for their attention, I felt as if I'd lost my dignity. It was humiliating. Painful. Was it just that they weren't the right person for me? Or was I not funny enough? Not charismatic enough? Not interesting enough? Too clingy? Too talkative? Should I have been more distant and given them more space? Did I seem too weak? Too eager? How should I have maximized my desirability? Regardless, I had surely lost. Perhaps they wanted the satisfaction and validation of conquering me. Playing me for a fool and asserting their superiority by being so distant. Isn't that right? Or is that just insecurity speaking? At what point is it ideal to cut one's losses and walk away?

If someone desperately wants the object of their affection to desire them, does that make them pathetic? Does it make them a loser? If you show more vulnerability and desire than the other person, does that truly make you the weak one in a relationship?

These questions plague our two protagonists and seem to be a driving force behind the main conflict. Since I have also grappled with how much to reveal my own feelings of desire, I find Kaguya-sama: Love Is War to be a particularly fascinating show.

Desire without action

Figure 1.1.3: Our protagonists are gifted with impressively high academic intelligence paired with impressively low emotional intelligence.

The show wastes no time in introducing us to our two main protagonists. Kaguya was born into a family of high stature (and says "ara ara" frequently enough to power a small country of weebs), whereas Shirogane is a "commoner" (Kaguya's word, not mine) who worked hard to reach the pinnacle of the student body. Like timid schoolchildren, they're crushing on each other, and yet they refuse to admit it due to their pride. Instead, they focus on getting their "opponent" to confess their love first.

What stuck out to me immediately is how they both have different ideas of what their relationship would be like. Shirogane envisions Kaguya as blushing, shy, and conventionally cute, whereas Kaguya (thankfully) envisions herself taking absolute dominance over Shirogane (which plenty of people should see coming as a character trait after the anime's very first scene). The bad news about this is that their two fantasies are at odds. The good news about this is that the mangaka has fantastic taste -- you can learn a lot about a storyteller based on the characterization of a love interest or lead character of the author's preferred gender.

In the event that the two of them become an actual couple, I wonder how on Earth they'll reach a compromise as to how they'll treat each other. Perhaps they will have to figure that out before they can even get that intimate.

I appreciate that we get to see both of their perspectives. It hammers home how everyone has a different truth in regards to what they desire and what they experience, and the show does not hold back when it comes to showing just how different these truths can be -- such as a certain lunch-themed sequence that I will talk about later. This works to great dramatic and comedic effect.

That said, when you spend your time fantasizing about what could happen instead of actually taking action, time is not so friendly to you.

Half a year passes.

Figure 1.1.4: Two geniuses dedicate their pride to wasting their life and energy.

Immediately, I got the impression that whoever wrote this segment of the story knows what they're doing. This is too real. And by "too real", I mean I very much appreciate the realism. How many of us have waited for ages (or for eternity) to confess our feelings to a specific someone?

This is the curse of having a crush and being incapable of acting on it. It's also why I hate having crushes.

Manufacturing affection in others, AKA the extraction of vulnerability

Figure 1.1.5: A plan is devised to weaponize jealousy in the name of affection.

To express your truest feelings means being vulnerable. That implies taking a risk and feeling responsible for any potential consequences of rejection, as well as putting our dignity on the line. It would be so much easier for the object of our affection to make themselves vulnerable instead. So instead of being direct and honest, we act indirect. We drop hints. We act suggestively, but not explicitly. We may even place them in situations where we think they are more likely to confess. If they don't pick up on it, we can pretend we didn't mean anything by it. That way, we don't have to risk our dignity. We can just wait for them to make the move.

It sucks.

Incidentally, it sucks even more when both you and your love interest are thinking that way.

It sucks infinitely more when both you and your love interest are COMMITTED to thinking that way.

Someone has to break the deadlock, whether that's immediately or eventually.

If this show isn't one of those romcoms where the status quo never changes ever (judging by the quality of writing, I have faith that it isn't), then at some point, either Shirogane or Kaguya is going to have to be explicit about how they really feel. And it's going to feel scarier to them than anything else they've ever done.

It's gonna be great.

If we could all grow up and live in environments where it's safe and encouraged for all of us to be honest about how we feel and what we want, surely love would be much less painful for so many people.

Chaos theory

Figure 1.1.6: If your prospective lover won't protect you, then your friend definitely will.

Chika is the ideal wild card and agent of chaos in this arena of love.

From a writing perspective, Chika is immensely useful. The mangaka probably could have gotten by without a third character in the mix, but she serves as a catalyst and an unknown element, able to create unpredictability and subversion of expectations. For a comedy-oriented story, this is invaluable.

Blissfully unaware of the mental turmoil that plagues our two lovesick dorks, she is able to unintentionally invalidate whatever schemes that Kaguya or Shirogane spent so much mental energy on, which adds extra comedy and tension for the audience. She is also an effective vehicle for Kaguya's jealousy and projection, as seen in the lunchbox scene which I have so graciously foreshadowed.

Figure 1.1.7: We have confirmed visual on an unidentified fourth person. Chekhov would love this. From their posture, I wonder if they'll be a gloomy character?

Misunderstandings and assumptions

I've heard that most interpersonal conflicts in life emerge from misunderstandings. In the absence of communication, assumptions are born and give rise to misunderstandings.

You may know where I'm going with this. Let's talk about the lunchbox sequence.

Figure 1.1.8 (not pictured because tumblr wishes to deny me of my image spam): Kaguya is too prideful to admit she thinks that a couple is doing something cute.

Figure 1.1.9: Pride is considered a sin for a reason.

From a writing perspective, I was impressed by the lack of romantic intentions in Shirogane in this whole sequence. Not once did he try to get Kaguya to show vulnerability to him. Instead, Kaguya is the only one spinning the situation in a romantic way, while Shirogane's driving force is the misunderstanding that Kaguya is looking down on him for what he eats. Because of this misunderstanding, Shirogane doubles down and makes his food even better, making the situation even more complicated and more stressful for Kaguya. This was definitely my favorite comedy sequence from the first episode.

I appreciate that the show has demonstrated the ability to create these scenarios where one of the characters doesn't even have love on their mind, but there are still romantic thoughts coming from the other character which drives the drama. It gives me a lot of faith in the variety this show will have to offer, and makes me excited to watch more.

When it comes to comedy rooted in misunderstandings, it is important to have miscommunication or lack of communication. In order to resolve a misunderstanding, you need to talk about it. For a pairing as dysfunctional as Kaguya and Shirogane, expecting healthy communication sounds highly unreasonable, which makes them prime material for a whole world of misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings are rooted in assumptions about what the other person meant when they said something or made a certain gesture or expression. When Kaguya glared at Shirogane and his food, he didn't even think to ask "What's the matter?" He just made an assumption about how she felt. I wonder if trying to understand Kaguya's feelings would be considered a sign of weakness by Shirogane?

A prerequisite to initiating an emotional conversation is the desire to understand or be understood by the other person -- assuming that your assumptions haven't already built a narrative for you. It is far easier to make assumptions than it is to attempt any sort of understanding.

In the end, Shirogane fled, unwilling to confront or attempt to understand the intense and passive-aggressive Kaguya. Kaguya feels that she cannot directly ask to try his lunch, so perhaps this is the closest she can get to initiating such a conversation with him at this time. Despite their mind games where they imagine the reactions of their opponent, they still have a lot of difficulty understanding each other.

I am curious to see if this prospective couple's communication skills and emotional intelligence will improve over the course of the story.

The burden of potential romance

Figure 1.1.10: Even the infallible genius Kaguya succumbs to superficial jealousy. It's "mind over matter" versus "matter over mind". That's how the saying goes, right?

Chika is a free spirit, able to ask Shirogane for whatever she wants without being neurotic. That is the power of not being bounded by a crush. Kaguya, who lacks that degree of freedom, briefly loathes her for experiencing something that Kaguya cannot ask for. It's amazing how much someone's feelings for a friend can change without a single word being spoken between them. All it takes is an action, unintentional or not, combined with the raw strength of insecurity. Just as quickly, the status quo can return back to normal too, with the act of properly making up.

To Chika, asking for food from someone doesn't mean anything at all, whereas with Kaguya, it is an admission of defeat. In that sense, a relationship that will only ever be platonic brings peace of mind, whereas a relationship that can be potentially romantic brings leagues upon leagues of anxiety if the outcome is of great concern.

Love is neurotic.

Is love worth the pain? For some people, it is not. For others, the reward is immense -- but only if you can make sure your relationship with this person doesn't end up being a nightmare for your emotional health.

Love and self-identity

The final scene of the episode surprised me in a good way. It's a brief departure from the comedy, and reveals a more heartfelt side of the show.

Kaguya's servant asks her an insightful question. It is substantially more insightful than I would expect from any romcom: "If you fell in love some day, would you wait for that person to confess their love, like now? Or would you confess your love?" I found myself immediately curious to hear Kaguya's answer, since I knew it would be highly informative about her character.

"If that time comes, I would consider the risk of someone stealing him first and come to the one rational conclusion." Even in the realm of love, Kaguya seems precise and calculating. It's as if she hesitates to give a straight answer, but then she confirms: "Of course I would go."

Figure 1.1.11: "Please understand."

It is not embarrassment or rejection that Kaguya fears; it is the absolute destruction of her identity and sense of self. Kaguya is the daughter of a family that practically runs the country. In her mind, everyone yearns for her and wishes to serve her. Turning that around and reaching out to another person to express her own desire would be a direct contradiction of that. It is probably a similar situation for Shirogane, where the infallible self-image he has built up is being put at risk during his romantic duels against Kaguya.

Kaguya clearly feels trapped. She and Shirogane see each other as threats to be conquered, but in reality, they both share a mutual enemy that is much more imposing and insidious: their own simultaneous disgust at the idea of vulnerability.

Their freedom is dominated by their insecurities, and so, even despite their impressive stature, they are still very human. Their upbringing that has lead them to become so accomplished may be more of a curse than a blessing, due to the resulting pride and self-image they likely feel pressured to uphold.

It is hard to cast aside a lie that you have bought into for your whole life.

If our two protagonists wish to have a chance of establishing a healthy romantic relationship, they have a lot of their own demons to overcome first. If they cannot set aside their pride and reach mutual understanding, they have no hope.

Until then, they will both remain trapped in a hell of their own design, however tragically comedic it may be.

My hopes for this story's future

I can tell that the mangaka, unlike far too many writers all over the world, actually seems to have a solid understanding of romance and the conflict that arises within. I've watched too many anime that place huge focus on the "will they or won't they" crap which never runs any deeper than one or both of the characters being too embarrassed to just say what they're thinking, without any sort of convincing mental blocker. In that case, it's clearly just manufactured drama which is designed to pad out the story and waste your time rather than pose interesting questions and themes. In the case of Kaguya and Shirogane, the two of them have substantial communication issues which are depicted in a comedic yet mature way, which I have found engaging.

I very much hope that the show will more deeply explore the themes and questions surrounding the ideas of vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and superiority within relationships. Kaguya and Shirogane have been set up to be great vehicles for such exploration, and I hope the mangaka can capitalize on that, especially if our protagonists can confront these issues directly.

My impression is that the ending will make or break this story. If the mangaka can pull it off well, I can already believe the payoff will be hugely satisfying.

Of course, in order to get to that point, we'll have to see a certain something. It has to do with the most sacred word amongst romcom enthusiasts: "progress". Indeed, after spending chapters upon chapters watching two characters bumble around amidst the same exact status quo, those little signs of advancements in a relationship are highly rewarding.

Underneath all of their aggression, if we can see Kaguya and Shirogane slowly open up to each other and realize the benefits of vulnerability, I think we could witness something really beautiful and really emotionally cathartic.

I've still only seen one episode, but I believe the mangaka has laid a fantastic groundwork for a series and can do a great job developing upon what I've seen so far. On that note, I will surpass our prideful protagonists by opening my heart to this story and entrusting it with my vulnerability, believing it can deliver satisfying development and resolution. You can do it!

Closing thoughts

I did not expect to write so much about a single episode of an ANIME of all things, but here we are. If only I could conjure this kind of power back when I actually needed it in high school English class!

The first episode alone is already so rich with characterization and themes that I managed to find quite a lot to talk about. Given how much I found myself relating to the characters and some of their situations, it's clear to me how this show became so popular. Not only are the animation, direction, and writing excellent, but also many people can probably relate to love feeling like a battlefield.

I do not want to believe in the idea of winners and losers in relationships. That idea creeps into my head whenever I'm having trouble keeping the interest of a new date, and I find myself wondering where those thoughts even come from. Lately, I have been reflecting on the way I relate to other people. Perhaps I've started experiencing this show at a time in my life when I most needed it, and that's why I felt driven to write such a large analysis.

This show poses some very interesting questions about romance that I do not actually know the answer to at the time of writing. I do not know yet how much the show is actually going to explore these themes. Regardless, I appreciate how this show is helping me reflect, and I am curious to see if and how the mangaka will answer some of the questions brought about by the story's themes.

This is a show that I'll most likely have to pace myself with. There was so much to process in this first episode alone. If I went any faster, I'm not sure if I'd even catch all of the details and character moments. I'm excited to move onto the second episode soon.

A highly subjective footnote about my cultured tastes

I'm glad that Kaguya is a sadistic dom with a gentle and vulnerable side, solely on the basis of that being my favorite personality type in a love interest. It also helps that it makes Kaguya's fantasies that much funnier with Shirogane acting so out of character. I feel like this show was made for me.

What was I writing about again? Oh yeah, writing a gigantic wall of text about an anime romcom. Somehow, I spent an entire day on this essay. Hopefully someone got a kick out of it.

[bakugoukatsuki-rising]

Hi. How are you, hope you've been well? ^_^

I want to vent about something personal a bit, if it's ok? (hope you don't mind me being on anon? ^^;)

Sorry for this being very off-topic, seeing as this ask has nothing to do with BNHA, so please ignore if you want. I don't mind.

So...

I've been wondering something about my sexuality...

I am 25 years old, and I've never had a lover. Never even been in bed with anyone. I know that I am straight; I haven't been attracted to the same gender even as a kid. I only touched upon (introduced to) homosexuality a little back at college, and then I met LGBTQ+ people at university, and became friends with a few of them (few because I'm shy and didn't interact a lot lol ^^;). And because of those people, I'm a little bit curious about being attracted to people of the same gender, I'd like to experiment a little, maybe try a kiss or something (never did), but I know that I don't want to be with them. (at least, I think I don't.)

But the thing is, I've never had a lover, and I'm getting a little... whatever it is I'm feeling. People around me have their own lover, and I'm just here like 'why don't I have a lover? At this rate I'll be too old to get anyone!' They say 'then go out and find them!' But I'm like 'ha ha ha, well ^^;' being awkward. Even a few friends and family ask why I don't have anyone, and I'm here like '*shrugs* I dunno, ask them, no one approached me' acting like I don't really care. But truth is that I do care.

I think there were a few people interested in me, but I balked a little at the thought of being with them because I didn't know them that well yet. I was also insecure about my appearance and disability, still am. I even tried online dating a little bit, but it didn't work, seeing as I didn't want to date anyone without knowing them a little, especially strangers online, so I deleted the app after a while.

I want a lover, to spend my future with a special person, but I don't want to date a stranger without being friends with them first, without knowing who they are.

People have at least one lover by the time they're 18, no? But I never had one, even though I want one.

Is there something wrong with me? :(

Hello friend!

Well for starters, I don't think there is a time limit on when you should have a lover, honestly. I think there are probably many people in your situation, even if you might not personally know any. I don't think there should be a rush for it, either, just because you see others who are younger than you in relationships.

From what you described, and how strongly you want to have a connection with someone prior to being in a relationship with them, you may be Demiromantic, which means you desire a strong connection before you're able to form any kind of romantic feelings for a person.

If you've never had a crush before or haven't been able to feel romantic attraction because you haven't had that closeness with a person, I think that could be your situation, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that if it is!

It just means you have to make friends first, and I know how hard that can be, coming from a 26yr old with no friends lol

But in order to build that closeness with a person, you gotta just try and meet people as friends, whether that's starting with chatting online or meeting up in person, everyone has to start somewhere. Be explicit in what you want, too. Say you want friendship, and build from there. Relationships, and solid ones, usually take time, and work on a good foundation, anyway.

My best advice to you, honestly, is to just be patient.

First make friends, as hard as that might be in and of itself, that's really the beginning of it. Then grow from there.

I'm no expert in this stuff or anything, by the way, and if anyone has better advice, please chip in!! I just gave what I sort of know and feel, I hope it can help a little. 💕

[morningtou]

How have berry and quinn changed over the years of development?

ahh been stewing on this one for a few days and honestly I think they've both changed in different ways! Fun Origin Story time! Berry's origin is she was a ttrpg character that I never used named Raspberry, she was a cute robot girl named after the programming hardware computer chip Raspberry Pi! The main consistencies are her being at least part robot, and that her dad dies. After being mostly unused, I decided that it would be fun to adapt her to the Tattered World setting ! She didn't really get a ton of personality for a while but slowly I gave her more and more traits that made her the cute empty headed sweet shoujo protagonist that she is today! At first she was more of a shy character, but I thought that it'd be fun to give her a personality that's kinda different from my own, being more outgoing and pure hearted. I also kinda think that she developed a little into a reflection of my Own personality a little bit? Or at least the kind of person who I want to be and we share really similar values.

Her lack of working braincells mostly comes from the fact that I thought that it'd be really funny if she were a sweet but oblivious girl. The main rule of her being dumb is that she's actually a normal amount of oblivious but her stupidity scales with how funny it is in any given scenario.

I try not to make her come off as too childish, but that innocent naive child like optimism is important to who she is, because she's so faithful that people are good, even if she's still learning the difference between someone lashing out and having bad intentions.

Quinn's origin is that they were made to be Berry's super serious friend lmao lsadjfkl. I mainly made them to be a foil to her optimism and intense extroversion. They're pretty much the same as when I created them around a year ago, but they've definitely softened a ton since then, partially because they've been influenced by Berry and also because I've found that it's really hard for me to pretend to be mean.

Their core characteristics are being hardworking and blindly ambitious, and having internalized the idea that they're the best and don't need anyone else, despite an internal yearning to be apart of a group and make connections, and so they express that through being really socially awkward and rude to people who try to connect to them.

Quinn is also kinda part of my own personality as well, being way closer to home, with the introversion and struggling to make friends, while not including the being rude in the process part. They really have trouble with knowing how to behave in social situations, but find comfort in the people that they know well. After a while I think that I did a pretty good job with being able to give Quinn their own legs to stand on apart from their relationship with Berry, because they each have their own personal issues to deal with that aren't necessarily solved by being together.

I also realized a while ago that they both display noticeable neurodivergence which wasn't what I was intending at first, but I'm embracing it, because being Normal is hard and they're both Struggling with being People

So yeah! They're definitely different characters from when I first made them. I'm pretty proud of what they've become, since they're sorta growing along with me!

[flameontheotherside]

Interview with Autumn Wells

Today I reached out to Autumn for a little interview about her experience with her TF in spirit, Jimi Hendrix. 

Me: Thanks for agreeing to this interview. For my readers, I thought it would be nice for them to get to know you a little bit especially if you are planning to contribute by submitting your input here on this very blog. I think we all appreciate you sharing your story and that it’s exciting to meet yet another “spiritual widow”.  You would be the 4th one I’ve met with a TF inspirit who was a musician! 

This experience can be difficult but of course has its rewards as we learn and grow from this. It’s great and comforting to know you’re not alone. This was something Erik stressed to me all last month while I wasn’t feeling my best. So I really don’t feel you reaching out when you did was in any way a coincidence. There’s no doubt also that Jimi Hendrix is a legend who inspired many and had an amazing talent. 

Autumn: Thank you so much for interviewing me. I really appreciate it. I'm glad you enjoy the blog! It's funny, but when many people describe how it is to hear Jimi Hendrix play for the first time, they're blown away, too! :)

Me: Where are you from? Are you American?

Autumn: I come from the USA, and I'm a young African-American woman in my twenties. I like to create art, stories, and other artistic projects. Jimi is African-American, too. We both come from mixed backgrounds, with Native American and European ancestors in our backgrounds, too, but our African roots are the strongest.

Me: Are you spiritual or religious?

Autumn: I consider myself more spiritual rather than religious. I do learn a lot of wisdom from different religions, but I don't follow any one religion in particular. I believe in God, through Jesus Christ, but I'm open to shamanic wisdom and many other cultures as well.

Me: I think most of us have a level of intuitiveness. Do you have intuitive or psychic gifts?

Autumn: Yes, I have intuitive and psychic gifts. I've always sensed people's emotions ever since I was little, and the psychic gifts grew stronger as I grew older. They became stronger because of my experience with Jimi's spirit, too. I can type down Jimi's thoughts when he wants to talk and share something with the world. I can also communicate with deceased relatives and other loved ones. Sometimes I sense the emotions of people who are alive on the earth, too. I've had moments where I can psychically detect knowledge about people without really knowing them.

Me: What is Jimi like?

Autumn: Jimi is a sweetheart, really. His personality is the same as it was when he was on the earth. Although he was really flashy on the stage, off the stage he was quiet and so shy. That surprised me in the beginning, because I didn't realize how quiet he was as a person, but the way he is to me is the way he was to many people on the earth - gentle, shy, and loving. He is very intelligent, and he still thinks and dreams in visions, as he did on the earth. He can be romantic, but most of all, he's unconditionally loving.

Me: How do you both communicate?

Autumn: I communicate with Jimi through telepathy, and I often see him with my eyes, too. He can affect my physical reality at times, but not always. For instance, he may draw me to him without me doing anything to move closer to him.

Me: How would you describe your relationship? For instance Erik can be in spirit guide mode which is serious and sometimes we can be friends and more.

Autumn: Yes, Jimi is like a spirit guide, and recently, well... he asked me to be his wife. I was so shocked! :) I didn't expect him to do that. In the past, we've spent many different periods where we were sometimes friends, and other times he was more like a guardian angel. There were also times when we developed a romantic relationship, and we would feel like husband and wife, but Jimi also sometimes would withdraw from my life if he felt I needed to have new experiences on the earth. So for us, we've experienced many different kinds of love on our journey, but right now, he asked me to marry him, and I said yes, after nearly fainting, haha.

Me: How does Jimi appear to you?

Autumn: Jimi looks the way he did on the earth, and he usually looks very young. He has beautiful brown eyes and a kind smile, and he's about 5.11. He wears colorful clothes and sometimes brings his guitar with him. He still loves to play in the afterlife. Here's a picture of Jimi, I think there's no copyright on it:

Me: Telling someone about this can be hard. Did you have problems explaining to anyone close to you?

Autumn: I did try to tell my mother about Jimi and the experiences I had with him, but it didn't really turn out well. At first, she seemed to believe me, and she even said I was lucky. But then she started to doubt me because she didn't see Jimi the way I did, so she thought maybe I was making it all up because I was just a teenager. My Dad figured it was just my subconscious mind, although it was harder and harder for me to believe it was my subconscious when I started seeing Jimi while I was awake. My mom and dad's disbelief did make this journey very challenging because I had no one I could really turn to. I was not on the internet at the time, so I couldn't reach out to anyone who had a similar experience. The best I could do was keep it to myself, but I trusted in Jimi, and I read all I could about Native American spirituality, and how the Native Americans believed they had guiding spirits to help them in life. That helped me out a bit.

Ironically, though, during the accident incident where I had the near-death vision, my Dad was actually present when he saw me speaking to Jimi in the state I was in. I saw Jimi, and felt him so strongly, even though I was malnourished and in very bad shape. I had no clue I was about to go, because I didn't realize how sick I was, but I knew Jimi, so when I saw him, I had this blissful smile on my face and felt I was in heaven. I saw another deceased relative, too, who had just passed away. When my Dad asked me, "Are you in heaven?" I turned to him and said with tears of joy, "I love you so much, Jimi!" My Dad was shocked, and he said, "Now I know you're in heaven," because he always believed Jimi went to heaven after he passed away at 27 (in 1970). But I think even witnessing that moment I had with Jimi might have been too much for my Dad to comprehend.

Me: What can you tell us about your past lives? 

Autumn: Anyway, about past lives, that's an interesting question, because recently I asked Jimi if we shared any lifetimes together. He told me he didn't want to overwhelm me with too much information, but he did say that we shared a past life in England in the 19th century. He said we had several other lifetimes together, too, but he wanted to start with one at the time. It's really intriguing because I didn't know much at all about England in the 19th century, and Jimi told me about a very detailed experience about his life as a music teacher back then. It turns out that everything he told me, when I searched for the historical context, matches up with that time. I'll write about it on my blog eventually, but yes, this is the first past life we are working on. I don't exactly know how many past lives we've had, but I'm sure Jimi will share more when the time is right. (Jimi loved England in his last lifetime, too; that's where he felt really at home.)

I was a skeptic about reincarnation for the longest, but the evidence has led me to believe it's a reality. There is so much pointing to the fact that we've come to this earth before, and I've had that feeling myself.

Me: We have a twin flame (or spirit spouse) who isn’t living. Most of us have never gotten to meet or be with our counterparts while they were alive. So, it can be difficult. What is the hardest thing about having this experience?

Autumn: I'd say the hardest thing about having this experience, as beautiful as it is, is that most of the loved ones and people around me don't really understand it. I tried to open up about it in the past, but it didn't go over well, so I just keep it to myself. I hope that one day, I can integrate this experience into my life more fully, but right now, I just keep most of the details to myself in my everyday life, and try to find a balance.

Another hard thing in the beginning was dealing with the fact that Jimi died young, and tragically. That really hurt my heart, especially as a child. I just couldn't believe it. I kept asking my Dad, "Why? Why?" because I just couldn't understand why Jimi had to pass on when he was only 27. It took me a long time to accept that he was in the afterlife, but it really helped me when he came to me and told me he was at peace, and he came to me because he loved me, not because he felt haunted.

Me: What are some important things you’ve learned being Jimi’s TF?

Autumn: There are many important things I've learned from this experience, though, and the main thing is learning to trust in God, myself, and Jimi. I've had trust issues throughout my life, to the point where I didn't know if I could even trust Jimi or not, but he helped me to love myself, and love him, too. He showed me unconditional love which really helped to heal my heart, and he was there to guide me through some really difficult times in my life. He also brought me closer to God, who I love, too.

Me: How often do you communicate with each other?

Autumn: Jimi and I talk quite a bit, depending on the flow of my life. Sometimes I spend a lot of time studying, so we don't talk as much (I really need to set aside more talking time!) but I can always feel him near me. Early on, we spoke nearly all the time, and I'd write down a lot of our conversations. That helped me connect a lot of dots later on.

Me: What are some funny or good moments you’ve had?

Autumn: I think there were a few funny moments between us sometimes, but mostly Jimi's pretty serious. But he's serious in a light way, if you know what I mean. He's often smiling and telling me stories about his life on the earth, and he helps children a lot in the afterlife.

Me: Like physical twins (I have a twin brother btw), twin flames or twin souls aren’t always alike. In what ways are you alike? Different?

Autumn: I agree that twin souls don't have to be exactly alike. With Jimi and me, we do happen to be amazingly similar, although we have some differences. We both look similar, especially in the eyes, although we don't look exactly the same. We share a deep interest in spirituality, God, and the afterlife, and neither of us believe in organized religion. We love music and the creative arts, although I tend to get more addicted to writing, and Jimi's addiction was music.

We both experienced ESP and psychic phenomena during our lives on the earth; Jimi said in the 1960's that he saw the spirit of Handel while he was living in the composer's home (you can look it up on the internet if you like, it's really interesting!) He also believed his mother, who passed on at a young age, was watching over him in spirit.

We both have the tendency to be nervous perfectionists with our creative arts. I used to feel kind of bad about driving the people crazy around me with my "everything must be perfect" tendencies, until I found Jimi was the same way. :)

We have a ton more things in common, but we also have a few differences. I'm deeper into writing, while Jimi is more into music. But a lot of our differences are more like different sides of the same coin. For instance, we both grew up in blended families, but the blended family for Jimi came later in his life, when his father remarried, whereas I grew up in a blended family (although I didn't always spend time with my older half-siblings).

Considering that Jimi and I never met on the earth, and he lived and passed on before I was born, it's amazing how our lives and personalities parallel each other. Many of the parallels I didn't even know about until I got older and could get on the internet to research.

Me: How do you think you’d be together if he were alive or reincarnated now as your significant other?

Autumn: I think my life would be different in some ways if Jimi were incarnated as someone else. I used to wish I'd meet a guy like Jimi one day, but I knew it was hopeless because no one else is Jimi, unless he came to the earth again, of course. I do think it's good that Jimi is in spirit, though, because the way my family life is, we probably wouldn't spend much time together if he were incarnate. I don't get into the outside world that much.

If Jimi were incarnated with me, I do think it might work out, but he would have to be free from many of the things which led to him passing away so young. Drugs, for instance, were a problem Jimi dealt with, as well as ruthless people in the music business who took advantage of him. I do believe that in spirit, he has much less to worry about, and that has really helped both of us. So although it would be wonderful to have Jimi physically here with me, I also know that it's best that we connected in this way, because he's in the peace and love of the afterlife. I also think that having Jimi as a spirit guide and partner is wonderful because he can be with me wherever I go in the world, and we don't have physical distance separating us. Sometimes I do long to be where he is, though, in the afterlife. One day, I'll be with him for all time, God willing.

Well, that's it for now! Thanks for asking the really good questions.

Me: Thank you for answering and thank you especially for reaching out and sharing us your story! 

If you guys who are following me or stumbling on this, want to know more about Autumn Wells and her amazing story about being Jimi Hendrix’s twin soul, you can find her blog at:

https://jimiheaven.gonevis.com/

She will also be guest posting here as well so watch out for her content. You can see all her submissions with the tag: #Autumn Wells <--Click that link for the goods!