#haides priestess

[skogenraev]

☽Hekate☾

Hekate (ancient Greek Ἑκάτη Hekátē) is the goddess of magic, theurgy and necromancy (necromancy) in Greek mythology. She is the goddess of crossroads or forks in the road, thresholds and transitions and the guardian of the gates between the worlds.

Offerings and Associations Stones: onyx, obsidian, moonstone, sapphire, hematite Herbs: dandelion, lavender Colours: black, silver Offerings: Olive Oil, Water, Fruits, Honey, Milk, Eggs, Garlic, Almonds Tarot: The High Priestess Animals: dogs, rabbits

Hekate assisted Demeter in her search for Persephone and guided her through the night with flaming torches. After the mother-daughter reunion, she became Persephone's minister and attendant in Haides.

Three metamorphosis myths describe the origins of their animal familiars: the black dog and the polecat (a mustelid pet kept by the ancients to hunt vermin). The dog was the Trojan queen Hecuba (Hecuba), who jumped into the sea after the fall of Troy and was transformed by the goddess. The polecat was either the witch Gale, transformed as punishment for her incontinence, or Galinthias, the midwife of Alkmene (Alcmena), transformed by the angry goddess Eileithyia but adopted by the sympathetic Hekate. Hekate was usually represented in Greek vase painting as a woman with twin torches. Sometimes she wore a knee-length girl's skirt and hunting boots, similar to Artemis. In statuary art, Hecate was often represented in three forms as the goddess of the crossroads.

Her name means "workers from afar" from the Greek word hekatos. The masculine form of the name Hekatos was a common epithet of the god Apollo.  “Hecate, whom Zeus son of Kronos honored above all others, granting her magnificent privileges: a share of both the earth and of the undraining sea. From the starry heaven too she has a portion .” (Hesiod -  Theogony)

[authoralexharvey]

WIP Tag Game

Trying to get some tag games out of my backlog but I have been very busy lmao typing these out as fast as I can before the wind knocks my power out. Anyway. Tagged by @ceph-the-ghost-writer, thank you!!

If you want to, list the titles of stuff you've been working on lately

There has been... a lot.

A Sharper, More Lasting Pain - my sapphic fantasy dark academia novel about monsters, mind-melding drugs, and colleges for magic. I'm like.... 40k through it out of an estimated 60k. 2/3 of the way there lol

I Would Enter Haides - a short story about Agape, a woman of Eleusis during Thesmophoria one year. Not a Haides and Persephone retelling, but leans super hard into that mythos regardless.

Those Who Emerge from Ashes - I say I've been working on this one, but it's really like. Taking it out and stirring it some before I shove it back in the microwave. Dark fantasy novel about a goddess, a runaway, and a priestess in a cult whose lives are conjoined with the help of an 800-year old living corpse.

Unnamed - fantasy rendition of Eros and Psyche. Still in the outlining phase, ngl.

Tagging: @charlottewritings, @bardicbeetle, @linaket, @moondust-bard, and @vacantgodling

[iereiaio]

𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖌𝖚𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖉 𝕸𝖊𝖉𝖎𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

So my meditation today was not the best, no I will not be linking or calling anyone out, however it was very rushed and did not get me into the forest and I’m honestly pretty bummed. Especially since I went through 3 different meditations. Usually my mind doesn’t wander so hard, but if the speaker is  boring or didn’t pull me into the right headspace (usually I get into this half in/half out of astral thing, where I’m still in my body but I can experience the things they’re talking about fully, just in my mind. With better meditations, I’ve even been able to smell things and feel wind and other sensations. So I feel a little cheated out of my time, but I suppose I’m the one who chose the meditation. 

I’m gonna do my card reads, 

and hopefully finish before over an hour so I can go ahead and do some shadow work WITH this post, since I can’t seem to remember to do shadow work later. 

The cards I pulled are:

Ace of Swords (fallout card)

The Emperor (R)

6 of Coins (R)

9 of Cups

Ace of Coins

I feel like this is partly a warning to be weary of someone who may abuse the power they have in my life; however I seem to have a lot of creative energy and new beginnings in my future! Self discipline is doing really well for me! I think part of my issue is sleeping in a loft bed- I’ve been sleeping in the bottom half of the loft lately, meaning all of my cards and supplies to work and read are within reach, instead of me being up in bed and not wanting to get out, so I get nothing done- whereas when I sleep on the bottom, I’m still in bed, but I can still do these things in the morning. 

As for shadow work..

What emotion do you try to avoid? Why are you afraid to feel it? What are you afraid of happening if you do feel it?

Well personally I feel like I try to avoid sadness. Or really any negative emotion. But mostly sadness. I was punished and ridiculed the entirety of my growing up for being sad (or for feeling any sets of emotions, even rare bouts of happiness were “annoying”). Sadness was viewed as weakness for nearly 20 years of my 24 year old life, so it’s hard to consider it anything else FOR MYSELF. I love to see my friends expressing sadness (not because I want them to be sad, I’d rather they be happy of course), but I encourage them to feel whatever emotions they have about a situation because emotions are natural. I just can’t get past it to cry in front of others, or alone. It feels like a burden. Sadness feels like a burden on myself and others. A quiet sadness is fine, but once tears start coming into play, it’s gross and sometimes my body can’t even let tears fall. It’s almost like my eyes are holding onto tears as if they’ll fall out with them. 

I feel like it’s less of a fear of feeling the emotions, and more being trained to repress them. I was trained rather well to just ignore whatever feelings I’m having and to let people use me however they want to without complaining; because my feelings didn’t matter growing up. Not at home, not at school. My feelings and how I felt didn’t matter to anyone. 

I know nothing bad will happen if I feel those things, however the trauma makes it hard to believe I wont have some kind of repercussions for having those emotions. 

[saffronveiled-dreams]

Unbinding the Hair: In Defense of Magic in the Hellenic Polytheist Tradition

“Shall I write about things not to be spoken of? 

 divulge what ought not to be divulged? 

shall I utter the unutterable?”

Julian, Oration 5, Hymn to the Mother of the Gods

To be a hellenic polytheist is to advocate for the glory of the Gods; reach your arms out to embrace their warmth and lower your head in respect of their unimaginable power. It is generally believed that if one has trust in the Theoi then one has all they need. Among my fellow polytheists who follow a strictly reconstructional, or even revivalist, religious structure it is common belief that it is up to the Gods to take our wants, needs and desires into favor; and any personal dabbling in fate, especially in the form of magic or witchcraft, is hubris - an insult to the Gods. Many of our official religious organizations (Hellenion, Neokoroi, and YSEE to name a few.) are openly against the use of magic in conjunction with traditional hellenismos. 

If I am going to dismantle and combat this belief, it’s important for me to shed some light on the foundation for many HP Recons disdain for magic and explain its place in antiquity. In the major city-states of Greece, particularly Athens, witchcraft (specifically baneful magic was titled as such; curses, love spells, etc.) was outlawed and practitioners were persecuted. Not only was it feared, it was described as impiety and profane. If we are going to base our religion around the common state cultus of Athens then we should also note other religious requirements, perhaps about how we shouldn’t mention, or even utter the name of mighty Haides, also note that there are sources citing that Attic peoples did not worship Ares. Yet, interestingly, many of these formal Hellenismos organizations list their own ordained Priests and Priestesses, some of which are devoted to both Haides and Ares. Blasphemous! Unheard of in the old Greek way of life and faith!

...Or is it?

To have a religious practice that is only using sources from the common state cultus of major Greek cities is to turn a blind eye to the undeniable fact that one’s practice would be... rather sparse and open-ended without any of the seasoning that other minor city-state and mystery cult adds; particularly that relating to the natural world, various Theoi, the afterlife, and rites pertaining to such. Despite the fear of Haides’ name, there were temples erected in his honor. There were temples and festivals dedicated to Ares. Many examples of sacred symbols, rites and ways of devotion actually stem from preserved citations of religious behavior branching out from the common cult. I think it is also worthy to note that while much of Greece outlawed the practice of necromancy, it’s hard to ignore the relevance of the Necromanteion of Acheron; a temple for necromancy. Should we exclude these because they weren’t always honored by the major city’s common Priest? 

Many of us understand that our religious praxis will not mirror that of our polytheist peers and it’s important to understand this rings true for the ancient people as well. Ancient household worship was not temple worship and temple worship was not private cult worship yet someone could indulge in all of these to fatten and enrich their praxis.

I mention this because the sources we have detailing ancient Greek magic and witchcraft (particularly that of the PGM) are written and passed down from initiates of various private cults - especially that of the mysteries. If we take a look at the initiation rituals explained in the papyri, we won’t see your typical temple worship however the nature of the spells has one believing it’s still a Greek commoner (a spell for a failing business, an unwanted relationship, unrequited love, the victim of thievery, a slave with abusive masters, etc.) It’s generally believed that magic was taught to these mystai from various Gods. A good example of this is in the rather simple spell PGM IV 1265-74 where a secret name of Aphrodite "that becomes known to no one quickly” is used. To me, this implies a rather strong and long-term relationship must be met with the Goddess before one can learn this spell. It’s also not uncommon to find myths detailing various “priests” of a God as a practitioner of magic (see Medea or Kirke, priestesses of Hekate.) It would be very hard for me to believe that the Theoi would teach their devotees impious behavior. 

When we pick apart the complaint that magic is hubris, we find the idea that magic is actually someone trying to command, or even force, the hand of the Theoi. Ancient Greek magic was not only initiatory, it weaved animism throughout its formula. You can find this in the term “dynamis.” The Greek’s term for the magical consciousness within nature and the practitioner. If there is "dynamis," or magical power in everything around us then it is divine in some way. I believe that the dynamis of plants, rocks and water are specific daimons that connect back to the Gods through planetary correspondence. One cannot perform a spell if they don't work with the right daimons, or dynamis in question. You can also ruin the dynamis of the material you're working with or even simply not be granted its assistance. For instance, ritual harvesting of plants is very important and the Greeks would only use bronze blades to cut or dig (iron is said to kill or remove power from spirits or lesser daimons) and would do certain ritual acts (singing, using a specific hand, etc.) before pouring an offering to the ground where the plant was harvested. This was a thank you, a small act of worship. The forces within Greek magic, may they be plant daimons or Gods, are respected. They're feared. They're adored. 

To me, this is far from hubris.

I also can’t look away and ignore some of the... magical inclination of certain Hellenic practices. Firstly, there are ancient home remedies such as having your daughter wear a small moon amulet to ward sickness, or placing basil on top of a door to bring in wealth to the home, maybe even sending your son to his exams with a necklace of rosemary. Some may consider this an old beginning to folk magic. However, a more commonly known practice for both antiquity and today would be the Kathiskos. The Kathiskos is a small jar containing olive oil, water and various food from ones home, made every Noumenia (first day of the lunar month) then dumped every Deipnon (last day of the lunar month) and dedicated to Zeus Ktesios. This jar, being stored away in the pantry, has apotropaic tendencies where it will protect one’s food supply. It’s almost hauntingly similar to a very popular spell jar practice that will evolve much later in 17th century Europe; the witch jar. Here, someone will create and bury a jar filled with various items to counteract witchcraft (specifically curses and love spells) and dismantle negative influence from entering their home. 

I don’t find the kathiskos to be rather impious, however.

My last, but most important point, is that the Gods encourage us to practice arete; personal excellence. The Gods will assist us and offer their hand to enrich and bless our lives with good luck and prosperity, of course. But this hand is not extended to those who do not try for themselves. I’d like to mention an antique joke here that was used to teach against being lazy and expecting divine influence to fix every problem we may have; 

 There was a man traveling down the road with a wagon, yet it drifted off the path and became stuck into a sinking in the earth. The man reached his hands to the sky and shook them with dismay, crying out to Hermes. “O’ Gracious God, will you please help my wagon back onto the road?” There was no answer, the wagon did not budge. The man’s desperate prayers continued from that morning until sunset, where his cries stopped once he began to believe Hermes had abandoned him. It wasn’t until late that night in his sleep that the God appeared to him. Angry, the man asked “O’ Lord, why did you not remove my wagon from the hole?” to which Hermes replied, “I would have, if you pushed it!”

This also ties into the delphic maxim “the Gods help those who help themselves.” From the sources I’ve found claiming the mystics being taught magic through divine initiation as well as considering my own personal accounts, I’ve come to believe that magic is a tool for mortals to learn, practice and perfect in order to better their lives. To help themselves.

The Gods have weaved magic into our backyards, it is not hubris to go find it. 

[veneficiumitas]

MESSAGE FROM HERMES:

KNIGHT OF WANDS

“keep faith and determination in your pursuits. those noble pursuits of harnessing your spirituality! you are progressing well.”

MESSAGE FROM HECATE:

THE HIGH PRIESTESS

“dear, you are making fine time and progress. i am always watching over you. you will soon come to hone your psychic abilities.”

MESSAGE FROM HAIDES:

III OF WANDS

“i will always be there for you should you need assistance. luck is on your side; maintain efforts. new beginnings are abound. be proud of who you are.”

MESSAGE FROM MILES:

DEATH RX

“destroy your past self. the energies have momentum; tap into them. do not go stale.”

[iereiaio]

𝖀𝖓𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖞 𝕬𝖈𝖈𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖘

So the last couple days i’ve been a little behind on getting my shit together. Yesterday i woke up late (by accident) and today ilet myself sleep in about 45 minutes because i went to bed about 30 minutes later than i should have and was really tired when i woke up this morning. i think it’s okay to allow myself to sleep in if i am up later than expected, but i also can’t let that become a habit, as im not doing meditations that i enjoy, just quick easy ones in order to not fall behind. 

yesterday, i was sick for a good chunk of the day, and ended up trying to take the day to relax and get my stomach back on track. i don’t really know why im so anxious lately, but i’ve been getting to a point where i’m almost dry heaving over everything, and i don’t know if it’s because of my agoraphobia or if its because im un-repressing trauma. 

so im gonna hop right into the tarot reading, i wanna get to work on other projects here in a bit, so we’re just jumping right in. 

 so, once again, 6 cards even though i wanted 2. 

for today, I pulled:

The Empress (fallout, will be represented as FO)

10 of Cups

3 of Wands (R)

The Devil (R, FO)

9 of Wands

4 of Cups (R)

i feel like this is Haides reminding me that while, yes I am accomplishing things, and that im doing well, these last couple days are kind of a warning that i may fall into old habits and old ways of doing things. Which isn’t good. I was accomplishing nothing with how I was doing stuff before (i’d maybe get 1-2 things done a day if i was lucky)

I need to keep working on moving myself away from that mindset an get back into my sleep schedule, and back into my waking up schedule as well. Accidents happen, but habits can’t be formed as a result of accidents. Im gonna be tired as a result, and things are gonna be hard to maintain, but I need to keep on and get myself back on my feet. Because this is what will be best for me and my future. 

[iereiaio]

𝕴𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖆𝖗𝖒𝖘 𝖔𝖋 𝖒𝖞 𝕲𝖚𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖘

*Cue Sarah McLachlan* 

4.2.21

So, today I did a spirit guide meditation, but I already knew my spirit guides; I just never talked about them here!! So I met them October 20, 2020. I met Merlo first, hes a very... slinky, mischievous but calm black cat; he acts like he’s big and bad but every time I come into the garden to see him, he runs over and jumps up on me for pets and kisses. Like today, I hadn’t come to the garden for them in months, and he was very sweet. He ran up almost as soon as I walked in, and for that guided meditation, you’re supposed to do a few things before meeting your guides- Merlo did not care and did not want to wait. 

Next up is Carwyn! He is this BIG man, big big big big man. He can manipulate his height and size, but hes this big, Norse or Celtic man- he can only get to be like 6′7 as his shortest height, but it’s a lot less intimidating than when he’s STORIES high. Oh my god that man is huge, he startled me the first time I came into the garden and had to shrink down quickly because it spooked me out of the headspace for a second. He is very fun, laid back- definitely gives me dad vibes. I always love his hugs, they’re always super comforting and sweet. He’s openly very loving and sweet. 

And now, Edith! She’s this very petite, but still taller than me, woman; she has beautiful, dark hair, also Norse I believe but less “viking” looking like Carwyn. She’s also very ethereal; little flowers in her hair, a very soft, but kind expression. She’s the sweetest thing, and I love her. They’ve called themselves my family, and I love that I have some family that likes and cares for me. 

So anyway, Im about to do todays reading, I just wanted to share that real quick. I’m gonna try to just do 1 single haides reading, so I can also have the energy to do some shadow work- and maybe some other stuff too. 

I cannot stop myself from pulling more when my second card is bad because I just want clarification

For this reading I pulled:

Justice

4 of Cups

and for the “fallout cards” I pulled

5 of Coins (R)

The Magician

10 of Swords (R)

Strength

Page of Coins

Ace of Coins

So I either need to cleanse my deck, or Haides isn’t very happy with me right now because my original cards were very rude, and didn’t really resonate. It was like... King cups reversed, king wands reversed, 7 wands reversed- Temperance was in there too but idk, I couldn’t really read that one or put it together. So I re-pulled after doing a quick meditation with my deck to cleanse it. It’s been a while since I used this deck, so maybe the deck is upset with me. I’ll have to ask Haides. 

For Haides cards, 

I had to pull some clarification cards because I was super confused cosidering his original cards was how I am bringing harmony and balance into my life, but then 4 of cups is about romanticising bad choices in my life? I don’t know what bad choices I’m making and the clarifiers don’t seem to make much sense of it either.. I feel I may need to cleanse this deck because I have no idea what its trying to tell me. My clarifiers are: 9 of Coins, 8 of Coins, 5 of Cups (R), 6 of Swords, & the 9 of Cups and I get the vibe that its basically saying I can move on and be successful, I just need to put in the effort and stay determined- but I already knew that! Everyone is telling me that! Is the 4 of Cups a warning of not romanticising bad choices? Or warning me that I may be presented with a bad choice in the future? I mean that’s a given; maybe I’m biting off too much by trying to work on my comic, my healing, and getting back into spiritual stuff all at once. I don’t know. Everything scares me lately. I don’t know what to make of that. The clarifiers are very uplifting though. 

So the fall-out cards, 

they’re ALL amazing too, they’re all centered around good finances, recovery, strength, healing, etc! I don’t understand what the 4 of Cups is for, I really don’t. It’s what’s really throwing me off of this reading. Everything seems so incredible, it seems like I’m getting back on track, but what bad decisions have I been making? The only thing I can think of- Oh. So I googled other meanings for 4 of Cups and it says it can represent feeling stuck in life. I- okay. LMAO well that mystery is solved. Now that I’ve had a crisis over a card. 

So overall, this reading is incredible, and I need to keep doing what I’m doing. I’m on the right path, nobodys mad at me, and I need to just breathe, and keep myself on the right track. 

𝓢𝓸 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓷𝓮𝔀 𝓼𝓽𝓾𝓯𝓯~

What am I grateful for!!?

Being away from my parents

My memories resurfacing (despite them being traumatic)

Having a kind roommate that I’m able to be friends with

Mami <3

Having the motivation to get out of bed

Disability income (though it should be livable for all)

Orville Peck

Art!! I love art so much 

Having a group of people who are willing to help me with my comic

Having a therapist

Having access to a doctor (wouldn’t have that without disability)

My bike! It helps me get places

Air! I would not be alive if i did not have it

Gaining 10lbs since my lowest weight, it took over a year but I’m happy about it

girls????

[iereiaio]

𝕸𝖆𝖐𝖊 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝕮𝖍𝖔𝖎𝖈𝖊

There is no shadow work prompt today, however I will be giving some updates, and then some insight on a reading I had received and then one I just did for myself. They have similar messages but I feel mine is more in depth. I will be separating the topics into sections so you can skip around to what you’d like! 

Updates regarding the Account

I will be trying to post more starting today. I feel as though Haides hasn’t been very happy with me considering my inability to devote ANY time to him, aside from talking to him at night before bed, and sleeping with his altar bag. I feel he’s in the forefront of my mind on most days, but I’ve been lacking the motivation and energy to do anything about it. I am a Priestess. He chose me out of nearly 8 BILLION people in this world. He’s been with me since I was born into this life, as well as all of my previous lives. He has been with me for hundreds, if not thousands of years. I had gotten this confirmed by several readers, and several of my own readings, and I had always had a very strong pull towards him, as well as luck with a lot of things. He’s believed in me for so long, and I can feel his patience in me wearing thin, and it’s a very lonely feeling. He hasn’t pulled back from me, however I just feel like he doesn’t have as much faith in me as he once did. So I will be trying to do shadow work at the very least once a week, but I aim to do 3-6 days a week. So expect more posts with shadow work. I was healing when I was journaling and pulling cards every day. I have been very stagnant lately and I know it’s because I’ve been neglecting my journey of healing, but also my deities and other passions in my life. I know Haides understands, but I also know he wants me to do better and try harder. Even a little bit of effort, I’m sure he will appreciate 

The reading I had received 

I got a reading from a friend today, I pulled it regarding new deities potentially knocking on my spiritual door (I feel as though Lucifer and Lilith are wanting to work with me, but somebody I don’t know said that Lilith told her it was an imposter entity, so I am needing to do some research before confirming or denying that. This reading was supposed to do that, but instead it came for my throat. Anyway, on with the cards:

6 of swords

5 of swords

10 of swords

9 of swords

4 of pentacles

7 of wands

the Hermit

queen of swords  

So into the interpretation, they said I have very little energy (as represented by the 6 of swords), and that Im trying to heal but it’s just really difficult. Any new deities coming into my circle will provide me more energy, but it will “hurt” me a little bit- (represented by the 10 of swords, I am personally believing it may be once I start putting more energy into Haides, I will be getting this newfound energy) And by hurting me, it will be learning lessons. As lessons are often hard to learn. I am represented again in the 9 of swords, being in pain consistently (mentally) but with the 4 of pentacles, Hades will help me step into my personal power, and break free from restrictions i feel financially- but also emotionally. Im being given the opportunity to go forth after the things in life that im passionate about, and i know what im passionate about but i fear both success and failure. The Hermit, which was a funny draw, because Haides uses that card to represent himself in my decks- but I feel alone a lot ofthe time (not a lie anyway lmao), and with the Queen, im being called to action to either step up or get out of the battle. Im being called to be more assertive and call to Haides for the strebgth Im currently lacking. “Embody him so to speak”. They suggested EVOKING Haides, and even INvoking him next. They also said my protections might be weak (hope I don’t regret saying that online)

Now onto my own reading

So, for mine, I did it pretty soon after theirs, since they gave me a bit of clarity on what to look for. As well as insight that Haides wasn’t too happy with me and my depressed shenanigans. While YES hes understanding, and more understanding and patient than many other deities would be, he is still growing impatient with me, considering how little effort im putting into ANYTHING. So with the insight, i decided to do my own pull based ont he reading I had gotten from my friend. The cards I pulled were:

(the first reading was very short and to the point)

Page of Swords 

The Hermit (only to find Haides in the deck)

King of Cups

And in the second reading, which was much longer, I pulled:

Two of Wands

Eight of cups (R)

Four of coins (R)

Seven of cups (R)

Three of coins 

The High Priestess (R)

The Magician (R)

The Fool

Page of Cups

The World

The Artist (unique major arcana card to this deck)

The way that I personally interpret the first reading, is that Haides misses my energy, and would like to help me gain it back, however I need to devote at least some of my energy to him and show him my loyalty to him in order to get that in return. I cannot expect help with healing without giving him anything in return. I need to do better if I want his help. He will be there for me, but he wants me to do better. He wants the best for me. 

As for the second reading, I have some decisions i need to make, i assume about my current artistic path, i will have some career opportunities but i need to work now to get them. My depression and hopelessness is represented by the 8 of cups, ive been in a real bad rut these last couple weeks, moreso in the last few days as some bad, traumatic memories have started to resurface. Haides is reminding me with the 4 of coins to start being more responsible, not only with my money, but with my time. I’ve spent so many days moping in bed, sad, sleeping all day; he wants to help me but he wants me to prove to him that I am devoted to him and my healing journey. He wants me to try, even on hard days. He wants to give me clarity and strength to move forward, but again, wants me to  prove my loyalty to this journey. If i put forth the effort, i will grow and blossom in the ways I need to. I will succeed with him by my side. However I need to be more open with myself, and not allow ignorance to take me off my path. I need to remember that the things that have happened to me, have already happened. And while it’s okay to process and be sad about them, and traumatised (as its as if im living these things for the first time), but I cannot let them ruin my entire day, or multiple days. I cannot let my life waste away because of something bad happening. I need to stop letting insecurities rule my life as well. I’ve noticed when I get insecure about something, I shut down and don’t even complete, or start the project. I need to understand that everything isn’t going to be perfect. Though despite the learning I need to do, I also need to cater to my inner child. I need to hold onto that innocents and free spirit. i need to focus on new beginnings and getting these new things rolling instead of just staring at them hopelessly, letting them intimidate me. I need to dive back into spirituality and again, tend to my inner child. If I can do that, I will be successful and happy; I can be brought to the right path, but I need to get back on the right path. Things are rocky, and it’s gonna be a little weird going backwards so I can get back on the right path, but sometimes it’s necessary. I also believe I will have a lot of success with art. I just need to put my mind to  it and put energy into it. I wont get recognition and success by never drawing or posting. I wont succeed if I don’t put in the work. 

[iereiaio]

𝖂𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖑𝖎𝖊𝖘 𝖇𝖊𝖓𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖆𝖓𝖉

Shadow work Prompt for 2.9.2021

Take a look at the best and most enjoyable aspect of your life right now. What is your underlying fear in that area and why?

I would have to say that the most enjoyable aspect of my life right now is probably my art and the creation of my comic. I am really happy with the creation of it, however I have a lot of underlying fears regarding the comic. I worry that it wont do well once I publish it, especially considering the first time I tried to publish a prologue to my comic, it completely busted and I ended up taking it down due to the insecurity of becoming known for something so bad. I see now that it wasn’t very good, and I can even see ways to improve upon the previous story (and have, the story has changed a lot due to the poor response to the first draft of my comic). However now that I’ve put 2 years into this project (whereas the first attempt was only about 6-8 months at best), I really worry that if this doesn’t do well, I’ll feel forced to find something else to do with my life. Yes, I shouldn’t worry about the response, and I should just do the things that make me happy; but art and comic creation is something I’ve had a passion for since I was a very small girl. It’s something I’ve put a lot of effort and time into, and its something I want to do as a career. It’sthe only passion I have in this entire world; it’s the only thing that makes me happy. So if I can’t be good at the only thing that makes me happy; what will I have? If I can’t succeed at the one thing that brings me purpose and meaning, what’s the point?

I worry if I lose this dream of mine due to an unfortunate bust, I will ultimately fall into a hole, and I’ve found myself procrastinating the project and procrastinating getting things rolling out of fear. 

But what happens if this is a hit? What happens if it’s some huge thing and it’s something people begin to love and I get an incredible amount of support from it? what happens then? I worry that without the dream of becoming something because of my art, I’ll lose aspirations, or if I shoot too high, I’ll get more than I anticipated and not know what to do from there. I have a lot of fears; that’s one of the incredible things of having multiple anxiety/paranoia disorders, but I just have so many worries of this going wrong; and I worry what will happen if I do achieve this dream. 

Fear seems to control a lot of my life, and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to overcome that. For the moment, it doesn’t seem like my fear is budging, but hopefully I can work on that. I want to work on these things, and overcome my fears. I want to move past this and be able to thrive and grow, but I don’t allow myself to grow. 

I keep the withering chamomile in my hands, instead of planting it. I allow my flowers to die instead of tending to them. I want to plant my chamomile. I want them to thrive. I want them to grow out of control into the best damn flowers they can become. 

[iereiaio]

𝕯𝖊𝖑𝖎𝖈𝖆𝖙𝖊 𝕳𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖘 𝖔𝖓 𝖒𝖞 𝖋𝖆𝖈𝖊

4.1.2021

So before I start my reading,  I’d like to start this out with today is day 2 of Getting My Shit Together; I did a guided meditation to meet my higher self, and oh my god??? First of all, she was the sweetest thing. Before the guided meditation person said for us to meet, she was already in front of me; she was very eager. She rushed over, held my face and kissed my face all over and she spoke to me so kindly and with so much love. I even almost cried a couple times. She held my face and told me all about how I know what I need to do and what she’s so scared because of how bad I’ve been getting. She said she doesn’t want me to fall down a hole I can’t get out of and end up having my whole life ruined by people who wanted nothing but the worst for me. She reminded me that I deserve good things; and that I need to be kinder to my inner child. She told me my inner child was hurting but that she understands I don’t do this stuff on purpose. 

She held my face and kept out foreheads together most of the time; it was very motherly. Also she was literally just me; but naked, in a very long, white sheer dress that dragged in the grass, and it bunched up around us when she sat down in the flowery grass with me. her eyes glowed faintly and her hair was so long, she had weight put on her, and she was glowing. She looked so happy and healthy and at peace. She told me I have the strength to do everything I hope, wish, and need to do- I just need to push through hard times and rough periods instead of just buckling and letting rough times conquer me. She reminded me that I can achieve all of my hopes and dreams; I just need to push through on hard days and allow myself to have breaks and be kind to myself when I need a day off

So for my reading today,

 I think im just going to pull 1 card for todays overlook,  as well as doing a Haides reading. Hopefully i stick to that  (so much for this, -Rain after doing the whole reading)

im pulling my cards now. (side note: thinking about the day when I did a Haides reading, for my 2 cards I pulled The High Priestess & The Lovers and ive never been happier)

So, for my Haides reading, I pulled:

The Moon (R)

The Empress (R)

Three of Coins (R)

Page of Cups (R)

And The Wheel of Fortune (R) & The High Priestess fell out of the deck while I was shuffling.

So I take this as I’m on the right path, but not out of the doghouse yet. I’m gonna have more problems in the future, especially with my childhood- and it’s gonna really fuck me up (great), but I know I need to continue pushing through those tough days, and just keep my goals in mind, and remember I’m fighting a fight I CAN win, i just need to put in the effort. i cant win a fight if I’m laying in the ring. 

I need to be more vulnerable with myself (pulled The Hierophant as a clarifier card)- not only with myself but with people close to me as well. I need to allow myself to be open and honest with those I care about- I also need to allow myself to be more vulnerable with my own self. I often find myself unable to cry over things- but lately ive been letting myself get teary over things that make me sad, instead of just ignoring it... Good first step I suppose. Pulled one more clarifier and it was the Queen of Cups, I need to be warmer and show more empathy for myself. I am divine and I need to love myself and care for myself in the way I love and care for others. 

Headspace just hit me with a nice message. “it takes courage, openness, and honesty to observe the mind without judgement, criticism or censorship”

Anyway, as for The Wheel of Fortune (R) and The High Priestess; I feel like this is a warning and a reminder. A warning of the fact that more memories are going to surface the more comfortable I feel and the more at ease I feel. So I wont be... having an easy time; and that I need to be reminded of my own inner power. I need to know that I can work through those things; that i can rest and recover from reliving horrible trauma, but not while neglecting my projects, passions and myself. I can have both; I just need to learn balance and I need to channel my own inner power to do that. 

[iereiaio]

𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖑 𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖌𝖚𝖎𝖉𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊

Shadow work prompt of the day:

“With regards to your family, write down some traits you do not like or have a hard time dealing with. 

Looking at the list, do you also show signs of these traits? 

How does that resonate with you? 

Is your behavior more or less acceptable than theirs? Why? “

TRAITS OF THEIRS I DO NOT LIKE DEALING WITH:

Narcissism

Anger issues / lots of yelling

Lying

Manipulation

Abusive and abuse apologists 

Victim blamers

Abuse enablers

Gaslighting

Rude

Inappropriate 

The only traits I feel I show signs of is the anger issues, and I do have a tendency to lie on occasion about stupid, small things- but I’ve noticed it’s mostly a trauma response. I also have an issue with yelling at my parents (but I think that’s also a PTSD fight or flight response? Im definitely trying to work on it, but I don’t know if I can fix that with them until we all actually work things out, because they’re super triggering, just their energy and their environment. So I show a few signs of their traits, but not as many, thank goodness. 

I think it’s acceptable if I’m honest, so long as I’m working on myself with the people who care about me and the people who matter to me, then I think it’s okay to give your abusers a little bit of hell, especially if you’re forced to live with them while you find a safer home to stay in. I don’t see anything wrong with being an asshole to people who don’t respect your boundaries or you in any sense. But yes, I am working on not getting angry easy and telling small white lies to the people I care about because they deserve that better version of me. These people don’t deserve that. They barely deserve anything more than me being civil. 

I think it may be more acceptable, at least towards them. They’ve wronged me in so many ways, and I really can’t even bring myself to show them as much kindness thats necessary anymore because I really just can’t show the person who calls me delusional for calling him out on his perversion towards his own daughter, and the woman who enabled her husband to do such things to her own daughter. If that makes me a bad person, then I’ll wear that title with a fucking smile.  

[iereiaio]

𝕾𝖚𝖗𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖘𝖊 𝕿𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌

I’m fairly certain that today was a test. I woke up on my own this morning, but because of my blackout curtains, had not a clue what time it was. Considering my alarm hadn’t gone off yet, I assumed it was 6 or 7, and thought maybe I had woken up because I needed to pee since I drank a lot of water last night. Nope... It was 11:30AM. 

im pretty bummed, not gonna lie, but I woke up, went on instagram for a few mins to wake myself up enough to do my meditation without falling back to sleep, and now here I am at 11:46AM, trying to hurry an do my morning journaling as well without losing any more of my day. For the record, my alarm was on, my volume was on, everything was on; no settings were changed, so I’m not sure why none of my alarms went off today (including my fitbit alarm that usually goes off at 9)

I feel like it was a test to see how I would react to a setback; waking up late and losing 3 hours of my day is pretty upsetting, but I still have what, 12 hours before I put my working stuff away? That’s so many hours! Just because my day isn’t going how I planned doesn’t mean I should let it dictate how the rest of my day goes. I’m allowed to be sad about it, and feel like I lost some hours, but perhaps I needed the extra sleep. Or maybe, again, it was just a test to see how a setback would make me feel- if I just laid in bed all day after and did nothing. 

Anywho, I’m gonna do a small reading and get it done, hopefully it doesn’t end up more than 4 cards. But who knows with me. I’m a sucker for clarifiers. 

So it would be 4, if 3 cards didn’t also fall out.

So for fallouts (since they fell before I pulled):

10 of Swords (R)

2 of Swords (R)

Knight of Swords (R)

and I pulled: 

Justice

Queen of Cups (R)

Temperance

Ace of Wands

I feel like the fallouts are telling me that I’m doing really well, but I’m still very scared about the future, and still being really unnecessarily rude to myself; which is true. I am healing and doing better with managing time, but I’m still mean to myself. Yesterday for example, I spent 15 minutes bawling my eyes out over how I’m not good enough to produce this comic I’ve been working on for 2 years because I don’t know all the art fundamentals. I felt like I was stupid to think it would get anywhere, because I was scared to start then learn stuff and have my art improve as the comic went on? Like, that’s how most comics work...

Anyway, for the card pull I did, which was, again, a Haides Message reading. 

I feel he feels, again, I’m on the right path. I’m bringing a lot of harmony into my life, however I need to be weary of sulking about things. I need to retrain my mind to not do all that, because it will conflict with my new artistic beginnings. However they’re coming, and I’m gonna be scare but I need to stop it. I’m valid for  having these feelings, but I can’t let them affect my whole life. 

[iereiaio]

𝕹𝖔𝖙 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖄𝖔𝖚

Shadow work prompt for the day: 

Where do you feel you most lack confidence? What childhood factors do you think contributed to this insecurity? Is your inner child still holding on to any outdated beliefs about yourself?

I feel like i lack the most confidence in the things that i do. whether it be projects, or any of my memories. ive always been told that what im doing isnt enough, or that my ideas are stupid, and that my memories are wrong. i have been gaslit for the majority of my life, if not all of my life and i only recently realised what was happening. it really damaged how i see things and my confidence greatly. 

Being told my thoughts were stupid or wrong really contributed to these mindsets, and they still hinder me now. i find myself hurting myself emotionally every day by continuing to believe these thoughts. 

Yes, my inner child, and current self are still holding onto these outdated beliefs. I need to let go so i can heal from my past traumas and move on. My ideas arent stupid and my memories arent wrong. i have been told that so i will say quiet by my abusers, but no more. i am not their puppet, slave, or toy. i wasnt created to be their slave. i wasnt created to be any of those things. i was created to do good in this world and to bring awareness to the things that matter to me. 

im more than they will ever see me, and thats okay. not everybody will like me. even if those people are my family. not everybody has to like me. they’ll just have to miss out on seeing me succeed. they wont get to bask in my success. only the people who deserve it will be allowed to celebrate my victories with me. 

i am greater than they see me. 

[iereiaio]

𝕿𝖆𝖗𝖔𝖙 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖎𝖓𝖌: 𝕹𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖒𝖇𝖊𝖗 𝖋𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖙

ʜᴀɪᴅᴇꜱ, ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ?

For this reading, I pulled:

The Moon

10 of Pentacles

4 of Cups

The Lovers

King of Swords

You’re in a very tough position. Trust your intuition, trust yourself as much as I do. Believe in yourself as I do. I need you to see yourself in the light I see you. Trust yourself. You’re much brighter than you believe yourself to be. You aren’t clueless. Please see yourself the way I do. You’re on the right path. I’m very happy you’re saving your money, you’re doing incredible, but don’t forget your goals. Don’t forget the end goal. I know it can be hard to save, but don’t feel like you need to buy us every crystal that makes you think of us. We need you to be okay and housed. We would rather our altars be bare if it meant you had a stable home to be in. Don’t reject any offers of help. People are willing to help you. People want to help you. Don’t deny them. Accept any help that comes your way. you need it. Don’t forget this, I love you. Be kind to yourself as you’re kind to me. Don’t allow them to harm your self image. They don’t deserve that privilege. Fight for your freedom. Now’s the time to get through, and get the things you need in your life. You got this. You are divinely protected. We have you.

Those are the vibes I get from this reading, it’s a definite yes, so I’m very happy to be getting a yes, considering the difficulties I’m experiencing right now. It’s always very comforting for me to receive The Lovers during a reading with Haides. It always reminds me that he does in fact, love me, and care for me; even when those close to me don’t. I’m not alone when I’m with him, and it’s incredible. Please note, that this is my interpretation of the reading, and these are the vibes I receive; I have not fully developed my clairaudience, so I’m not 100% sure this is a message from Haides, or an interpretation of his message, however this feels right. This conveys the feelings I get from this reading. If it is not your interpretation, please feel free to tell me yours! I’ll be more than happy to hear it.

[iereiaio]

𝕰𝖓𝖉𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝕭𝖔𝖔𝖐 𝕺𝖓𝖊

Today is less of a shadow work prompt and more just reflecting my past, and my future ahead, as well as a rune reading I’m going to do here in a moment. 

I will say, please be warned, I do talk about sensitive things regarding sexual assault to a minor, and abusive family relations, if those aren’t your cup of tea, please take this as a sign to scroll away now. 

So to give a little bit of a personal-life update, considering I don’t always do these kinds of things on this account. I typically keep updates on my diary blog (which will stay a secret for as long as I’m physically able to keep it a secret), but I want to give one here. I feel like it may help somebody out.  

2 years ago, in 2019, I finally decided to break free from my abusive parents, but in 2020 I had to come back due to really unfortunate circumstances. To put it short, I was nearly hospitalised at the time due to my weight and could BARELY function. 

I moved in with my grandparents, they kicked me out for being “too sick” on my birthday and then I ended up having to move back in with the man who spent the entirety of my infancy, childhood, & my teen years sexually abusing me, and the woman who denied it consistently, as well as verbally abused and berated me often. 

I felt trapped for a very long time. I felt like I would never be able to leave now that I was back here again. 

We all fought often. We still do. Between me desperately wanting them to take accountability for their actions, and them horribly denying their actions, I felt like it was as if I were screaming into a blackhole. I felt like it was as if I was inside the blackhole. 

However, I finally found a door. 

I am moving out on January, 26, 2021. 1 year and 6 days of having to live with family again, coming to an abrupt close. I couldn’t be more excited. I’m moving in with a very sweet girl, her and I have similar interests and we’re the same age, and it’s in a college town. Maybe I’ll find a girlfriend. The possibilities are endless, and I can’t even begin to imagine what I can do with this time and comfort. 

I hope to start my comic and actually get it rolling; I hope to improve my mental health; I hope to read more; I hope to play the piano again; I hope to learn how to socialise with agoraphobia; I hope, I hope, I hope. 

𝕽𝖚𝖓𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖎𝖓𝖌

INGUZ, ALGIZ, EIHWAZ

I feel as though things are coming together, and I’m being protected and guided into a new chapter. I feel as though things truly are going to get better. This chapter is coming to a close, and my goals and aspirations will be met with success, so long as I apply myself and put in the work to achieve said goals. 

I know I can achieve great things and be a successful artist and a helpful Priestess if I could learn to manage my time better. Once I move out, I want to work on lessening my screen time, and spending more time outside. Even if it’s just in the back yard. 

[iereiaio]

𝕯𝖆𝖞 𝕺𝖓𝖊 𝖔𝖋: 𝕲𝖊𝖙𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝕸𝖞 𝕾𝖍𝖎𝖙 𝕿𝖔𝖌𝖊𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗

Hello hi all of my 10 followers, today is day one of getting my shit together. I have already meditated, and I went to bed last night at 2am (which is a large improvement compared to the typical 5am I’ve been pushing the last few weeks) and I was up at 8:30, woke up from 8:30-9, then meditated for 15 minutes, ate a quick breakfast, and spent longer than I should have looking for my stylus before deciding it was probably a sign that maybe i should pull some cards instead. Immediately after I started shuffling i found my stylus so here we are. 

I did a couple readings. I shuffled up my cards until I felt it was right and searched for The Hermit for any messages from Haides, I did that twice (I pull the cards on the front and back of The Hermit when doing this), then I did the same with The High Priestess for any messages regarding my Priestesshood, and again with The Moon, considering it is the card that represents my sign. Figuring it would give me any messages regarding me personally, rather than my deities messages, or my spiritual path. 

Haides Reading

For this one, I pulled:

8 of Cups (R)

King of Wands (R)

5 of Swords

The Sun (R)

Seven of Cups (R)

Queen of Swords (R)

Fall out cards:

Temperance

The World

Strength

So, before I get into interpretations, my guided meditation today was one to meet your deities; personally I feel it was too short. It was only about 12 minutes long, and most of it was getting into the garden. My time is always very off when I meditate and go to any gardens, but if I had to guess, getting into the garden took more than 6 minutes of the meditation, then there was maybe 1 minute or 2 of talking to, and meeting with your deity, then the rest of the time was getting back into your body. So I spoke loosely with Haides, and I feel he is proud of my will to begin this energy switch so quickly, but weary considering I burn out quickly and typically fall back into old habits when I do. I’m gonna try to allow myself breaks, but not allow those breaks to turn into an all day ordeal. It’s not gonna be an overnight process,I’m gonna have days where it sucks and I wanna lay around all day, but I can’t let myself do that often. I can’t let myself not do SOMETHING. I’m wasting my life away. 

Anyway, with the interpretations. So Haides is here, hitting me with the fact that I am still in fact depressed. Which I am, I’m pushing through it today in order to do these few things I’ve already done. I’d love to still be laying in bed but I Am Not. I do still feel rather hopeless as well as aimless. I feel like I’m shooting in the dark with all of this. I feel like he feels this will be a difficult journey for me, considering the 5 of Swords, and I don’t think things will get any easier anytime soon. I feel he feels that I need to be weary of my own self. That I need to ground myself, and not fall into the temptation of going back into old habits. I feel it’ll just make me bitter and sad if I keep going through that cycle. 

As for the fall out cards,  Temperance and The World fell out while shuffling Haides reading; and in a pretty.... unmotivating reading from him, which I feel is smothered with worry that I will fall out of this (and realistically, I may) But I feel he has hope. I need to find balance in these habits. Balance between exercising and eating and resting. I need balance. I can’t do everything in extremes and expect any change. He knows this is the best thing for me, he just worries I will not be able to succeed this time around. But I feel he’s telling me this will end in success. I need to stay motivated and keep my head up. I am strong, and I have the ability to do WHATEVER I want with my life, however I have a lot of shadow work to do... 

Priestess Reading

So for THIS one, I pulled:

2 of Wands

5 of Cups

7 of Swords

Ace of Pentacles

I have a decision to make regarding my Priestesshood, and I’m being called to action. I worry about what these choices are, considering I have no idea what these choices could be- other than having to choose between art and Priestesshood- though I don’t see why I can’t do both. I do understand that my emergy is limited, but I could probably make it work. People do this stuff all the time. Priestesshood and art both should not be time consuming enough to take up all of my time on their own. At least I sure hope not. I would love to have both. Though, I do know that if art becomes a profession-- no??? Even doctors can be doctors an still take part in other important things. Their whole lives are doctordoctordoctor. They have other aspects of their life as well. While yes, I am chronically ill, disabled, etc. But I can do just as much as anyone else can. I feel like I’d need to find a strategy if I’m to do what I’d like??? Good things coming either way, but wow I cannot read these cards. I can’t understand them fully. 

Pisces Reading

Last but not least, for this reading, I pulled (for future reference, I will not be doing pulls like this every day, I am not able to do this many cards daily. I’m already tired of this reading, and may be why I’m finding it harder to interpret the cards. It feels like a pretty negative, jabby reading and I was hoping to be uplifted. Perhaps my deck needs cleansed, or switched out for a different deck):

2 of Cups

Ace of Swords (R)

So with this one, which is again, not very uplifting in my opinion; I feel it represents my relationship with my best friend. We are opposites, yet equals. We love each other deeply, but things were rough in the beginning. I worry her and I will have some issues with communication in the future considering this reading. Though that’s not much of a surprise; we often struggle communicating (our communication styles and love languages are super different, we’ve learned a lot about each other in these last few years, however it’s still hard to communicate sometimes! Which is okay in my opinion; her and I care deeply for each other and if we get to a certain point in a disagreement, we separate and come back when we’ve calmed down and can talk later, or we just drop it as an agree to disagree thing). Anyway. I don’t know, this could also have something to do with my roommate and I. Things are good but might become rocky because we haven’t been communicating lately. We will have to see. But frankly, I’m very done with this reading. I don’t know if I misinterpreted it, or if it’s really just being that rude, but I was hoping to be uplifted but I was very much not. I feel even more hopeless with myself than I had before. I’d much rather lay back down but instead, I’m going to try and work on my comic. Hopefully I can.