#lily ted text post

[trentcrimmisgay]

i’ve been clearing out old screenshots in my camera roll but i have ted lasso brain rot so you all have to see what they made me think of: himbos (part three. more posts)

[lilac-rose-writes]

Monty: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB? Carla: Bold of you to assume I was born at all. Penny: I personally was created in a lab. Jerome: I just straight up spawned lol.

Principal: Why are you on the floor? Applegate: I'm depressed. Applegate: Also I was stabbed, can you call an ambulance?

Felix: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds. Ted: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!? Felix: No! Four to five seconds! Ted: Too late!!!

Kid: How petty can you get? Monty: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

Ted: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY] Carla: What's that? Ted: Remorse code :( Carla: I'm even angrier now.

Jerome: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container. Cindy: The cow??? Buggs: What? Jerome: Cindy, W H Y?

Lily: Time for plan G. Kid: Don’t you mean plan B? Lily: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. Billy: What about plan D? Lily: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. Kid: What about plan E? Billy: I’m hoping not to use it. Cindy dies in plan E. Lily: I like plan E.

Felix: Can you keep a secret? Kid: Do you know anything about my life? Felix: No I do not. Good point.

Lunch Lady: Do you have any skeletons in your closet? Janitor: You mean literally or figuratively? Lunch Lady: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...

Ted: You're 'the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans', what does that mean? Felix: It means i was second worst thing to happen to those orphans. Ted: but what’s the first worst thing? *Awkward pause* Felix: Teddy, they...they weren’t always orphans. Ted: ...

Nugget: Goodbye Pretty Lily! Goodbye Friend Billy! Goodbye Bully Buggs! Goodbye Mean Cindy! Goodbye Pretty Lily! Jerome: You said ‘bye Lily’ twice. Nugget: Nugget likes the Pretty Lily.

Buggs: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve. Kid: I think you mean cards. Buggs, pulling knives out of his sleeves: No, I do not.

Carla: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat* Ozzy: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents Carla: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you Monty: Actually I did the math, Ozzy would have $225, not $0.15. Carla: Fam I’m right here.... Penny: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :) Billy: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please? Penny: Sorry I only have a dollar :( Billy: :(( Jerome: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Ozzy would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent Penny: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice Ozzy: You can buy anything you want with $22,500 Carla: Yeah and she wants soda and apply juice Monty: Apply juice to what Billy: Directly to the forehead Lily: Great chat everyone

Jerome: A theif. Monty: Thief? Jerome: Theif. Monty: I before E, except after C. Jerome: Thceif. Monty: No.

Bob, driving Penny and Billy: So how was your day? Penny: We almost got surprise adopted! Bob: What? Billy: We almost got kidnapped. Bob: Oh, okay. Bob: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

Carla: If you had to choose between Jerome and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose? Monty: That depends, how much money are we taking about? Jerome: Monty! Carla: 63 cents. Monty: I'll take the money. Jerome: MONTY!!

Ted, at a restaurant: You guys should get the orange soda, it's amazing. Kid: Okay Waiter: Can I get you guys anything to drink? Ted: Orange soda, please! Felix: I'll have the strawberry soda. Kid: Me too, strawberry soda. Ted:

Carla: I can explain. Penny: Can you? Carla: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

Billy: I turned out perfectly fine! Lily: Billy, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast Billy: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!

Jerome: What are your goals? Kid: To pet all the cats. Jerome: No, fitness goals. Kid: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the cats.

[theresthesnitch]

Hi! I’m Snitch!

I’m a fandom writer, and occaionally I dabble in other creative things, and you can find me under the username theresthesnitch on AO3 and Discord, and anywhere else you find theresthesnitch. 

I now write exclusively Marauders fandom, mostly Wolfstar, Wolfstarbucks, Jily, Moonchaser, and many others. Most of my work is Rated E. I also run @wolfstarmicrofic and a few fests including @marauders-omegaverse-fest @hpknotfest @mixed-up-writer-fest. I also occasionally make fic rec posts!

I write far too much to list out every work here, but you can find everything either on AO3 or under my #snitchwrites tag here on Tumblr. But if you want to know what I would want you to read first if you’re new to my work, this is what I’d say: (this list may change occasionally)

UPDATED Jan 30, 2024: Changes noted with *s

Collaborations: 

*Wishes on Stars - Complete, 19k wrds, Rated E - Magic AU, Gods AU, Fairytale AU.

One More to Love with @krethes - WIP, 114.6k words, Rated E - Magic AU, Wolfstarbucks, Omegaverse, Pregnancy fic

Lonely (but not alone) with @aqua-myosotis - WIP, 79k words, Rated E - Wolfstar, Modern Magic AU, Sirius Raising Harry, Remus Raising Teddy

Wildly Curious with @quietlemonhush - Complete, 16.8k, Rated E - Wolfstar + Ted Tonks, PWP, Swinging. 

Wolfstar: 

Step & Repeat - Complete, 62k words, Rated M- Modern Muggle AU with Celebrity Sirius, Fake Dating, Friends-to-Lovers Slow burn. 

*Falling in Love Without You - Complete, 51.5k words, Rated E and art by @babblingflowers. Magic AU, Marriage Deadline, Forced Marriage, Mutual Pining.

*The Care and Keeping of a Pet Werewolf - Complete, 12k, Rated E. Dead Dove, Pet Werewolf, DE!Sirius (Just trust me, it's fun)

What We Do To Get By - Complete, 59k words, Rated E - Canon Divergent - Remus gets expelled after the Prank. 

Wolfstarbucks: 

Platonically (with my boyfriends) - Complete, 9.2k, Rated E - Texting AU with Himbo James

Watchdog: See Moony Come - Complete, 6k, Rated E - Crackfic

The Way We Fall - Complete, 14.8k, Rated E - Modern Muggle AU, Friends to Lovers

Jily: 

*I Just Can't Stay (Away) - Complete, 28k words, Rated E. Stepsibilings-to-lovers. Meet Cute Gone Wrong. Muggle AU.

one last time (never enough) - Complete, 35k, Rated E - Canon divergent, Second Chances, Single Mom Lily, Voldy Loses AU.

Three Strikes ‘til you’re out - Complete, 69k words, Rated E - Muggle AU, Fake Dating, Celebrity James, Baseball Player James 

Ignite - WIP (currently on hiatus), 192k, Rated E - Canon Compliant, 7th year, Enemies to Lovers, Secret Relationship

Moonchaser: 

Black Ties and White Lies - Complete, 8.2k, Rated E - Modern Magic AU, Wedding AU, Magic reveals

Lessons in Defense - WIP, 18k, Rated E - Canon Divergent AU, Slytherin Remus AU, Professors Moonchaser

Score - Complete, 2.2k, Rated E - Magic AU, Quidditch Player James, Locker Room Sex

Others: 

*Settled - Completed, 6.3k words, Rated E. James/Lily/Remus/Sirius. Poly dynamics, Unplanned Pregnancy, Fluff and Smut.

Go Out with a Bang - Completed, 18k words, Rated E - Remus gets Gangbanged, Omegavers, Omega Remus

love like the blood in my teeth - Completed, 6.3k words, Rated E - Dorlene, Dead Dove, Murder Wives

Knot the Minister! - Completed, 4.8k words, Rated E - Starking (Sirius/Kingsley), Omegaverse, Accidental Knotting, Alpha/Alpha. 

Knot in the Job Description - Completed, 4.1k words, Rated E - follow up to Knot the Minister!, Kingsley/Percy/Sirius. 

Stronger Together - Completed, 6.5k, Rated E - Sirius/Remus/Bill, 2 werewolves and a dog animagus, before duing and after the full moon. 

[spindrifters]

2022 Fic Roundup

In the later half of this year, I came back to two foundational parts of myself. Writing fanfiction, and Harry Potter. I've built a career in creative writing, and somewhere along the line lost sight of the spark of joy that comes from writing transformative works. After a difficult summer, I rediscovered that spark. And for the longest time, in light of *all that*, I hadn't known what to do with Potter and its core place in my development as a conscientious person in the world. In the same dark moment I realized that, like all foundational sacred text, the series was meant to be grappled with. Wrestled. Read resistantly. And what better way to do that than with fic? I've only been back in the game since October, but I'm so happy to have made it back at all. More than anything, I appreciate the incredible community I've found along the way.

Huge shout-out to @soloorganaas for the inspiration!

October

marginalia (105k & counting, WIP, Wolfstar, E) - This story began a long time ago. That part is already written. Nothing can be done about it now. It began with two young men—barely more than boys—who upended the world, magical and mundane alike. Grindelwald and Dumbledore, glorious leaders of the revolution, who brought wizardkind out of hiding and into the light during those last, violent days of 1899. But a winter's night seventy-seven years later is where things really kick off. Because Remus Lupin knows what to expect when you’ve been sold somewhere new. He knows it better than he ever thought he'd have to by this point. He knows how to survive. And Sirius Black is doing his best to just graduate Hogwarts and get himself and his brother away from this goddamn house in one piece. He's got it figured out by now. He has a plan. Neither of them, however, had accounted for the other messing everything up by the sheer fact of just existing. The most AU.

There’s an exceptionally long moment of silence between them, and Sirius would look away if he could. Would put the burning shame simmering at the pit of his gut somewhere else, only Remus’ hand is still clasped tight around his own bleeding nailbeds, holding fast, and isn’t that a wonder? His hands are just as strong, just as calloused and scarred and warm as he remembers. Only this is the first time Remus has ever touched him willingly. With purpose. Not because he thinks he has to, or because Sirius touched him first.

love has teeth (444, microfic, gen, T) - Hope Lupin loves her husband, she really does, but she’s a child of the war and the political passions that came with it and on the whole she really hasn’t got the time nor patience for the astounding ignorance and stupidity of Wizarding Britain. (Or how, somewhere along the way, Hope Lupin became the pack mum.)

Hope teaches James to cook, and gives Peter advice on girls, and becomes single-handedly responsible for Sirius’ obsession with motorbikes after letting him ride on the back of hers. She introduces the lot of them to jazz and skiffle and tells them stories of growing up with Communist parents in post-war London.

civilian (339, microfic, Tedromeda, T) - They figure it out at a café on a rainy Tuesday in April. (Or, the one where Ted and Andromeda elope.)

Theirs is a history of secrets, stolen kisses in old school corridors and excuses made to his family why she can never seem to come for dinner and trying not to flinch whenever words like purity and mudblood come out of her parents' mouths.

November

until our ribs get tough (4.8K, gen, M) - From the lost papers and mixed-up files of the marginalia universe. A day in the life of one Lily Evans, age eleven, takes an unexpected turn involving a twisted ankle, some contraband essence of murtlap, and a rumination on the nature of miracles. Same AU as marginalia.

They used to do this all the time when they were little. Hide amidst the mothballs and piled boxes stored beneath the metal springs, especially when the rain poured down like this. It was easier, then, to ignore the world outside in order to create their own. Imagined kingdoms where they were king and queen, or adventurers on the high seas searching out treasure galleys to attack. They’d known to keep quiet, even then. It’s been a minute since they were here last, but even Remus’ recent growth spurts aren’t enough to take away what’s really a sacred space.

December

the helper (1.3K, gen Wolfstar, T) - Remus is facing his first Hanuká away from home. Sirius would like to help. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

Sirius is, by this point, extremely lost. He understands about half of what his friend just said to him. What he understands perfectly well, however, is how to recognize that nonchalant sort of half-shrug, that casual way Remus then goes on to insist that it’s not actually a big deal and he’s fine, really, and it’s not that important a celebration, anyway. He knows what those things mean. They mean that Remus Lupin’s a bloody liar.

death by honey (1.7K, Wolfstar, T) - Stuck at St. Mungo's during Hanuká, Remus has resigned himself to spending the holidays alone. Sirius has other plans. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

So he’s resigned himself to missing all that. Resigned himself to maybe even missing his muggle relatives altogether if this lunar fever doesn’t clear up in time. Instead, he gets the sterile, broken-tiled lycanthropy ward, and tinny Christmas music filtering down from the floor above, and the pinch-faced, suspicious company of two trainee healers who must have done something truly unfortunate to end up banished down here over the holidays. What he doesn’t expect is to wake up from a nap to find Sirius Black sitting in the chair next to his bed.

forward motion (854, Wolfstar AU, M) - Mary brings over a present. None of the menfolk know what to do with it. Wolfstar raises Harry AU. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

So maybe it feels more personal than it should, but Sirius can’t shake that terror of mucking this all up and letting down not just Harry but James and Lily and Monty and Euphemia, too. And Remus — who still has two living parents who love him dearly — may never have had to depend on the Potters to pick the broken pieces of himself up off their doorway, but he still feels that same terror. That same responsibility. Harry deserves a childhood full of laughter and love and fun.

commercial allure (1K, Wolfstar, T) - On the second-to-last night of Hanuká, Remus decides that enough is enough. Sirius would beg to differ. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

“Pads,” he says at last, because he wasn’t going to say anything. Because this is his best mate of six years but somehow it’s become damn near impossible for Remus to even look at him lately without feeling flushed and awkward and like he’s just sprouted hands for the very first time and hasn’t got the first clue what to do with them. But he’s just found a very nice and very expensive-looking eagle-feather quill on his bedside table, wrapped up in silver paper, and that is altogether impossible to ignore.

a history of violence (1K, Wolfstar, E) - In the wake of the war's end, Remus and Sirius are learning how to trust each other again. Lily and James live AU. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

Sirius kisses the scar that slashes down his brow and lid, a gentle reminder to keep talking. This is what they do now, in the days since the end of October. Since the end of the war. This is what they have to do. Secrets, after all, nearly cost them everything.

pomegranates (2.5K, Wolfstar, M) - Sirius runs away from home over the winter holidays of fifth year. The problem is, James is in India and Moony kind of hates her right now. Genderfuck AU with transfem Sirius and cisfem Remus. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

Lyall Lupin opens the front door of the small Mayhill flat he shares with his wife and daughter to find Sirius Black, cold and dripping in the rainy Swansea night, shivering violently in nothing but a set of outrageously expensive silk dress robes. His first instinct is to slam the door in the girl’s face. His second — that of a father, who’s seen his child in pain too many times — wins out. Sirius is bleeding from somewhere just above her hairline and looks as though she’s been on the receiving end of a Confundus Charm. He lets her inside.

the story goes (1.5K, Wolfstar, M) - Remus knows all about survival. It's in his DNA. A study on lycanthropy, the Jewish diaspora, a blended family, and two boys in love. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

No one can know. Dad reminds him of that all the time, in the summer before he goes to school. He needn’t bother. Remus was raised on stories of refugee ancestors fleeing Valencia massacres for Moroccan shores, grew tall on days celebrating Esther and Yehudit’s necessary deceptions. He knows how to hide what others fear without making a single part of himself small.

yours if you want it (1K, Wolfstar, M) - Facing their first holiday season living together, Sirius and Remus stumble towards creating new traditions. For Hanukkah Wolfstar Week 2022.

“I’m trying to tell you you're allowed to have things, you knob. You get to make it mean what you like. You want a Christmas tree? Let’s get a bloody Christmas tree. I’ve never had one before but sod it, I want one if it makes you happy. We’re allowed to make our own traditions. And if you like any of the poncy Yule shite you grew up with instead, we can do that, too. Because that’s still yours, if you want it. Get me? Not theirs. Yours.”

[sslytherin]

I wanna be in How I met your mother just so i can go boo *throws popcorns* at Ted whenever he says corny lame shit in the voiceover

[snowflake-of-destruction]

let's hear about FFVIII seifer, if you're still doing this XD

Why I like them: You know my tastes. A green-eyed man is introduced throwing fireballs around, is kind of a condescending jerk but in a fun way, instigates deep conversations on high ground while staring at the sunset...Well, before we even get to villainy, immolation, and redemption arc, I start going “Is this a favorite character?”  I’m joking...kind of. Some of that does factor in, even the fire. 

Okay, so my favorite thing about Seifer’s arc is that, in the limited focus he’s given, he’s complex and layered from the beginning, and his villain arc is a clear and fascinating illustration of “No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks” ….with a side of brainwashing.

Let’s break this down:

What are some of the words used to describe him by those that know him (by himself, by Squall, by Fuu and Rai)? Romantic. Idealistic. Sensitive. He is the one who believes in making a difference in the world--not just as a wish or goal, but as an imperative to do what your heart says is right even if it’s going to cost you--where Squall is just follow-the-orders-and-do-the-job. If you’re already reading this and objecting, I’m not saying Squall doesn’t care...obviously he does, defrosting Mr. Go Talk to a Wall and getting him to a place where he admits how many layers of mask he wears is his character development...but Seifer isn’t just a hothead. He wears his heart on his sleeve. 

Don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to deny that Seifer can be an abrasive, self-serving, hypocritical jackass sometimes,  who can fight dirty, wants to “wreak some havoc,” and has a history as a bully--though, gentlefolk of the jury, I submit to the courts that he puts on a tough act like Squall does and they are both different flavors of trying to mimic toxic alpha male--but let’s not forget that some of his establishing character moments are throwing out his future to disobey orders because he sees that the higher-ups have possibly misjudged the situation and civilians could be in danger, and, again, going AWOL because he thinks Squall and Rinoa could be killed. And he calls himself the white knight and holds up a code of honor until the end, even though it gets twisted. He is about duty and honor, with honor even over duty.

Oh, this was only going to be the beginning. I haven’t even begun to touch on what I would want to touch on--this is just surface personality and the beginning of the game before we even get to joining Sorceress Edea, and even then not all I would say-- but this post isn’t actually supposed to be my Ted talk on what you missed if you just think of Seifer as a recurring boss fight. Let’s move on.

ONE MORE THING ACTUALLY. Even though we see a lot of Seifer at his worst, you can use Fujin and Raijin as a mirror. What do they say near the end of the game if we paraphrase/summarize? They knew pretty early on, before even the senseless slaughter and torture era that Seifer was going down a dark path with the sorceress, but they knew it wasn’t him and stayed with him, not because they agreed with his actions, wanted power, or out of fear, but to take care of him and try to break through to him--and not because they are saints, but because he, despite what had happened in the past year, is the type of person who deserves and inspires that kind of loyalty. Let’s think on that.

Now the rest goes under a read more, because I am going to keep rambling and be wordy

Why I don’t: He can be an asshole, and he’s an asshole in an embarrassing way. As in, if one is trying to say he’s not the little punk his KH counterpart is, you remember he still uses the insult chickenwuss (though that is a legacy insult/nickname since he’s known Zell since childhood--and, fyi, Squall uses it too) and he had a little gang in school. Even once he’s a military commander of an evil army set on world domination, he has some moments where his level of petty undermines him.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): The Dollet mission

Favorite line: Sorry, not sorry that the following is my favorite exchange of lines and that the prison torture scene is another of my favorite scenes. For context, Seifer has captured Squall, has him hanging up on the wall in crucified hero imagery, implied to be shirtless even though his character model isn’t because they talk about scar tissue or lack thereof from a recent shoulder injury/Squall being stabbed in the chest/shoulder area. Seifer has been electrocuting Squall for information. By this point, I might as well have put the whole scene here. Also, I am now going to blame Squall and Seifer text boxes in FFVIII for my own abuses of ellipses...

Seifer: " I was hoping you'd be there, Squall. So... how'd I look in my moment of triumph? My childhood dream, fulfilled. I've become the sorceress' knight."

Squall: [internal monologue] ...Sorceress' knight... ...His...romantic dream...? But... Seifer... Now, you're just a…[Out loud] "... torturer."

[Squall passes out.]

Seifer: "What did you say? [Steps closer] Passed out cold, eh? This is the scene where you swear your undying hatred for me! The tale of the evil mercenary versus the sorceress' knight!”

This isn’t just me all “mmm, tension.” Seifer has passed the moral event horizon, and it’s not just faceless NPCs that are collateral damage anymore. We’ve seen him on screen torture the protagonist, who is also one of the only people who he’s shown to have a real bond with that goes beyond superficial. Then we get this and see Seifer thinks he’s the good guy still, on a noble mission where he’s had to make painful sacrifices, and Squall is a representative of the power-hungry evil. Seifer’s been playing a different game, and had his will twisted via magic.

Favorite outfit: The Amano art where the white coat is cast off and he’s wearing the simple black shirt and black jeans under it. Symbolic? Maybe. I wouldn’t give up the coat though. I love the long white/gray coat, the outer embodiment of wanting to wear the white hat, but the desire easily getting tarnished, and the red cross that turns into a sword and becomes Seifer’s symbol and soon to appear other places, emblazoned nice and big on the sleeve. It’s the Cross of Saint James. TRADITIONALLY red represents the blood of Christ, the three lilies represent the honor of the apostle and reference Christ as lily of the valley, and the sword shape represents the torture that St.James suffered before his murder. HOWEVER, my opinion is that here it’s more vague/altered symbolism (For starters, there are other gods not the Christian God in this world) with a side of “looks cool.” We still have something that clearly calls to mind a mission from on high, innocence in the lilies, blood and blood cost, and then war/violence with the sword. And I love it. 

OTP: Seifer/Squall. I should not even start, but lest you think I am just in it for kinky torture scenes: We have these two who, in the beginning, are generally callous or mocking toward everyone, but make each other laugh/smile, see who each other are underneath and describe each other in “soft” terms even if they tease each other for it, repeatedly check in on each other to see if the other is okay, respect each other’s opinion and skills, and...you get the idea. In the words of Zell Dincht, I thought you two were rivals, but you’re all buddy-buddy. 

Pause for a second and let’s just say first impression. That opening fight where they scar each other’s faces? It takes place outside Balamb Garden and the area is shown so we see they are alone. Squall passes out. Squall wakes up in the infirmary within the Garden base. Squall has to explain what happened; people don’t already know. This kind of implies after Squall passed out, Seifer, bleeding from a head wound himself, picked Squall up and carried him home, allowing himself to collapse only when Squall was being safely tended to, because he’s that extra. This is his first (okay, second, after fireballs and face slashing) action in the game even though it’s offscreen. I mean, he could have also just called for help/ran for help, but that’s less fun.

 Seifer is so concerned with being a badass, but he’s admits to Squall all he’s ever wanted was to be the fairytale knight, not a mere soldier. Vulnerability and confession he wants romance....with the first time it’s brought up in game being while they are watching the sun set together, the traditional Square Red Sunset of Shipping. 

Seifer hesitates to defy orders, not for himself, but until he sees Squall is with him. Even though there were other “children of destiny” who all came from the same orphanage, Squall and Seifer were the ones who were never apart, never adopted until it was by a military/mercenary training program, and, even though it may speak more to brotherly than romantic from some angles, there’s a feeling of being the same, knowing each other down to the atoms, adopting an us against the world mindset that trumps trying to best each other when it comes down to it because they are the only constant. When Squall has his breakdown/ breakthrough of why he pushes people away/doesn’t let himself care/tries not to need anyone because people leave/are taken from him and he is scared he isn’t worthy of love and happiness until Rinoa challenges him, this may seem like a dismissal of Seifer, but you can also look at it from “I had no friends or family. I didn’t even have interest in speaking to anyone. I strived to be an unfeeling machine, because all emotion is pain...But also I couldn’t go 48 hours without seeing Seifer.”

Yeah, yeah, we know their main form of hanging out was beating the tar out of each other, but sometimes, especially in older media, this was its own brand of subtext. For more on how Seifer miiiight just view sparring let’s point out that “Isn’t this ROMANTIC?” and “Kneel” as a less easily interpreted as innuendo version of  “I want you on your knees” are battle quotes even in Kingdom Hearts sooo draw your own conclusion. 

We get a line where Squall makes it clear these were friendly matches looked at as pushing their limits beyond what they are allowed to in sanctioned spars, and he feels prepared to take on anything  now because of Seifer. Is it healthy communication  in real life? No! Is this real life? No! Plus, the facial scar was an accident, pretty clearly...on Seifer’s side...I could write another essay on how Seifer draws first blood, but it’s because on Squall’s failed block, AND THEN SQUALL GETS ANGRY AND RETALIATES WITH CLEAR PURPOSE AND MAKES THE OPENING SHOT INTO THE FIRST SIGN GOOD VERSUS BAD GUY ISN’T SO CLEAR CUT (even though they both shouldn’t have been going so hard in a friendly training match to begin with).

 Seifer’s later, repeated threats/expressed desire to give Squall additional scars once he goes evil? That is a different animal, and a horrible one, objectively. Not objectively? No comment. Okay, one comment. Mark you as mine. Two comments. He knows Squall’s lost some memories and he can’t stomach being the next thing forgotten so Squall needs physical reminders.

Hmmm, I was supposed to be talking about the ship, not just the sparring and scars. We can wrap it up with a Marge Simpson. “I just think they’re neat”

BUT ONE MORE THING

Squall’s jacket when he becomes Leon in Kingdom Hearts. His outfit is mostly the same, right? Except the back of the jacket now has a red patch of an emblem (of Rinoa’s angel wings, not Seifer’s cross...for the OT3 feel), and his fight with Sora he throws a fireball like Seifer’s signature. Just, you know, if you want bonus references/feeling.

Brotp: Fuu and Rai. They are willing to commit war crimes with this man, nurse him back from death’s door, and go into exile with him if he can’t return to a normal life even after a redemption arc. This section deserves to be long, but I am beginning to get talked out. Don’t take that as devaluing the friendship though. I’m glad he was allowed to keep his ride or dies in Kingdom Hearts. FRIENDSHIP! They love him, ya know?

Head Canon: What we see of him at the end of the game is a temporary situation and after he heals and refreshes for awhile he’d go back to Balamb and face consequences for his actions, and probably insist on consequences instead of leaning into “an evil sorceress bespelled me and slowly took my free will.” No hiding away in the wilderness. No crossing into and living his life in Esthar. No, “but in the end I broke free and would have been an active, onscreen part of saving the world if Square had let me join the party!” He would insist on being cast into a deep, dark cell. Squall uses pull to get him pardoned, but not before just, flat out, yelling at him for being a martyr.

Unpopular opinion: He did love Rinoa. It may have been a “shallow love,” but he wasn’t just dating her to pass time or because she played into his damsel who needs a hero mindset. There was emotion. He was prepared to die for her and Squall in Timber, and almost did--only being saved by Sorceress Edea...which wasn’t a kindness, but it all worked out in the end. Sure, he gets mind-controlled into using Rinoa as, basically, a human sacrifice and it isn’t Rinoa he wants stripped and brought to his room when we’re taking prisoners, but he cared about her. He does taunt her about their past relationship, but we’ve already established this is just part of his communication skillset.  Yes, I will elaborate more if asked, though it’s more feeling based than text based. 

A wish: If there’s ever a sequel, let him have put out the good in the world that was his dream and be seen as a hero. Let us see a matured and peaceful Seifer. 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: My one fear if they ever remake FFVIII instead of just porting it, is that some of the creative team have said they like the fan theory where you are dead part way through the game and the rest is a dying dream or purgatory. It’s creative stuff; I will say that. It’s not my favorite, and I don’t agree, but those kinds of fan interpretations when they go in depth are super cool. PLEASE LET THE INTEREST IN IT JUST BE THE SAME AS MINE OF THINKING IT’S CREATIVE BECAUSE MAKING THIS  CANON WOULD BE SO, SO BAD FOR EVERY CHARACTER.

5 words to best describe them: stubborn, misguided, paladin, romantic, petty

My nickname for them: I don’t really have one

[zumpietoo]

Here’s the thing that Milly/Zelda/Kombucha/Dazey/Lisa/etc and all the socks in their drawers combined don’t understand. It is 20fucking21. If Cole Sprouse was some horrible abuser of women, rather than just the victim of his unfortunate taste in headcases (aka Lili and Bree) – he would be CANCELLED. No army of teenage fans, no amount of popularity in Hollywood, nothing could protect him in this day and age. If Bree had the receipts she and her fans claim she does… where are they? Why hasn’t she come forward properly instead of vague posting about Cole on Tumblr/Twitter/Insta/Twitch/wtfever? Why did all of their mutual friends side with Cole during their breakup? Clearly these people don’t remember when the Bree shit hit the fan. People were ready with RECEIPTS of her fuckery… the head games SHE played, all of her jealous stalking (which she also stalked Lili for a while!!), how she shit all over things that made him happy because they didn’t include her, how she told everyone he emotionally abused her when the reality was she thought they were going to get married and be 2GETHER4EVER (at 19 lmao ok), and then when it turned out he just kind of wanted a girlfriend to have sex with and play video games with (lmao like MOST 19 year old guys), she flipped the fuck out and called it emotional abuse. People had all her crazy documented back then, went after her across multiple platforms, and she ended up deleting everything and claiming it was “his stans” that made it impossible for her to come forward which… no… she just didn’t actually HAVE anything, no proof, nothing. Meanwhile, all of their mutual friends unfollowed her, if not immediately then definitely in the years following. The only reason Bree drops his name anymore is because it’s the only way she stays even close to relevant. It’s not because he actually abused her, mentally, emotionally or otherwise… it’s because she’s a tinkerbell who can’t deal with it when she’s not the most important thing in someone’s universe and when that turned out to be the case with Cole, she threw a bunch of accusations at him, stalked his new girlfriend (Lili at the time) etc. But never EVER in all that did she produce an ounce of proof. No friends that sided with her. No texts. No nothing. Because none of what she claimed ever actually happened.

Fast forward to Lili and we have the same issue. If Lili was the victim of Cole’s horrible emotional abuse… she’d put his ass on blast so fast. Lili has ZERO problem speaking her mind. She shit talks like it’s going out of style, and if she was the golden child of Riverdale, and was loved and adored by the producers and writers and RAS and the rest of the cast, and was the welcome wagon and all of the other stuff that her stans claim, if she went to ANY leadership and said “This is what happened, it was horrible, and I cannot be around my abuser like this” the CW would fire him. Or at least work to accomodate Lili if she was that beloved. Look at how fast they got rid of Ruby Rose on Batwoman when it turned out she was a nightmare behind the scenes? And she was the literal STAR of the show. And isn’t their narrative that the show leadership can’t stand Cole anyway (some of that is true, looking at you RAS and Ted especially, but that’s not because Cole is a nightmare to work with and more because KJ isn’t the fan favorite which, whatever)? Also if Lili DID get the network/show to give him the boot, which if he was abusive to her, she absolutely could, what would Cole do? Sue for breach of contract? When she should have mountains of proof after 3 years? When no doubt the show would’ve seen this behavior happening too? Like, what is their REASONING that Lili suffered and continues to suffer all of this grief that he’s supposedly causing her by flaunting Ari, etc? If she had proof, if anyone had seen all of this happening, they could’ve gotten him bounced in a heartbeat. Look at how fast ALL of Hollywood turned on Armie Hammer? Kevin Spacey’s accuser came forward 30 years after the fact, with almost zero proof and Hollywood cancelled him so fast. This isn’t the early 2000’s or even the early 2010’s anymore. It is 2021 and if Cole was really that horrible, people in the industry would know, and no one would work with him. But instead he’s still booking photography work, he’s still booking movies (two of them, Moonshot and Undercover), he’s inking deals with production companies. His past coworkers are excited to see him when they run into him on the street. Practically everyone who works with him says what a hard working professional he is (or they don’t say anything at all). His podcast that he helped produce and starred in won one of THE awards for podcasts, and is most likely getting a second season. And what has Lili done? Her poetry book was on the NYT Best sellers list for a week and then fell off. Chemical Hearts flopped HARD (to the point where she was recently pimping it MONTHS after it released). Covergirl filmed one commercial with her and did one print photoshoot with her, and then basically cut ties, having Lili put together her own photoshoots. Even if she didn’t buy her way onto PlusMinus or whatever it’s called, she still has 1 movie coming up and nothing else. Nothing even in the works that we know about. She’s the only one promoting Riverdale at all anymore because she has nothing else to fall back on. Honestly, the only reason she has pretty much any engagement anymore is because of her dog, who I actually think might be more popular than she is now. AND on top of all that, her recent whatever with Wallis apparently already has drama while Cole and Ari remain unbothered despite Ken and that other pap being dicks and all of the hate they Cari lobbed at them on a daily basis. Like, sorry Lili stans that she’s on the brink of irrelevancy, but if she had been abused and had her head fucked with like you all claim she has, she’d be lighting Cole up on social media because people would believe her, proof or no proof. Instead, she’s hanging with people who “only validate” her, including a toxic drunk bitch who basically trashed not only Cole but also Dylan at like, 3 in the morning all because Lili had to do a scene with her ex, and her mom who is KNOWN for feeding the fandom BS lies that she later gets caught out in. She’s trickling out a self-staged photoshoot because she hasn’t booked a real one in what? A year? She has 1 movie, and relies on her dog or breadcrumbing with another B-list actress to get her likes. I know its a tough pill to swallow for them and that’s why they’ve doubled down on the crazy so hard lately, but honestly it’s just sad now. There’s zero proof that Cole is anything they say, and if there was proof, Bree and especially Lili would be shouting it from the rooftops, but it doesn’t exist. There IS plenty of proof that Lili has zero work lined up, and a new drama filled relationship, and toxic friends (and that she cheated on Sam to be with Cole… something else they have absolutely NO PROOF of Cole doing). Sucks to be them I guess.

Even their concept of “abuse” consists of “Cole moving on and living his best life/OMG Cheater!!!”

And the latter applies to Lili, not Cole....

[songtoyou]

PRomance - Part One

Paring: Chris Evans x Famous Reader

Rating: PG

Word Count: 1,436

Warnings: Slight mention and jabs at Hiddleswift.

Description: Chris needs some good press. He convinces one of his closest friends to partake in a PRomance. 

A/N: This idea came to me one night. It is pure fiction as I do not know what Chris believes when it comes to politics and policy issues. 

I do not permit my work to be to be posted on any other site without my permission.

Note: Updated for grammar and punctuation edits.

When it comes to overseeing a celeb’s image, implementing public relation arrangements can help manage the release and spread of information about a celebrity. Establishing a “PROmance” with another star is not about love but creating a higher and stronger profile towards the media and public. However, one has to be careful when entering into at PROmance. Fans and the media will be able to detect if it is all for show. The key to any successful PROmance is not to overplay or underplay one’s hand. Just look at how bad Hiddleswift turned out. While that pair made a lot of sense on paper, the way the two went about their “coupling” was too public and too staged. There was no balance when it came to Hiddleswift. They were also in your face with the paparazzi catching their first kiss, to meeting the parents, along with their romantic getaway to Rome. Does anyone remember the 4th of July pics at Taylor’s Rhode Island beach home? Tom still is not able to live that down with his ‘I Heart TS’ tank top.

If Chris were to partake in a PROmance, he and his team would have to make sure there would be no cracks showing. Chris was no stranger to using PR to help provide a cleaner image for himself. Thankfully, being attached to Marvel and Captain America had improved his image. He was no longer viewed as the playboy who got kicked out of a club. Now Chris was considered “family-friendly.”

On the one hand, Chris was excited to move on to the next chapter of his career. On the other hand, with his Marvel contracted complete, Chris no longer had the cushion of the company’s PR machine. He still had so much to do and achieve in his life. Chris always liked his freedom and being able to come and go whenever and wherever he pleased.

Since the beginning of his new venture with A Starting Point, Chris was able to garner press for the project, particularly about which politicians he interviewed for the website. When certain politicians posted pictures on their social media with Chris, some fans were upset. They did not like that Chris was giving politicians like Senators Ted Cruz and Marsha Blackburn or Congressman Dan Crenshaw publicity and allowing them to share their ultra-right-wing policies. Chris was getting called out left and right on Twitter. He was worried ASP was already in jeopardy before people had the chance to see what the website was supposed to accomplish. The backlash was pretty harsh that not even a cute picture of Dodge could help calm the storm.

Chris knew partaking in a PROmance was a quick way to divert the negative attention he received onto something else for fans to focus on and talk about on social media. With his PR representative, Megan, at his side, the two looked over a list of potential actresses willing to partake in this arrangement.

“It’s too bad Ana is already in a PR relationship with Affleck,” Chris teased. “She’d been a good choice since I already know her. Plus, we had surprisingly good chemistry on the press tour for Knives Out.”

“Yeah, Ana would have been a good pick. But what about her?” suggested Megan as she held up a picture of Lily James. “She’s pretty and played Cinderella in the live-action version. You’d have yourself a Disney princess. Captain America and Cinderella. The headlines practically write themselves.”

Chris thought about it as he looked at Lily’s picture. She was pretty but did not know anything about her. It was too much of a gamble to start a PR relationship with someone he did not know.

“In this day and age of social media, fans want something that comes off more transparent and honest. I don’t know this girl, and the fans will see right through it as they did with Lily Collins. Plus, another Lily? Really? No, I need someone who the fans are used to being around me and who won’t hassle her or make her feel intimidated. She needs to have a higher profile than me. That way, fans won’t accuse her of using me for fame. I think I have to go with Y/N.”

“Y/N! Really? Do you honestly think she would accept? She doesn’t normally do PROmances. Plus, you guys are close friends. Wouldn’t it be weird?” asked Megan.

“No, it shouldn’t be weird. Why would it be weird? Some fans ship us together.”

“It’s just… you two…have always had this ‘will they, won’t they’ vibe. It is weird how you would want to pursue a PROmance with Y/N and not a true romance. Am I wrong?” Megan raised another question.

“You aren’t wrong. But Y/N is one of my best friends. I know she will be there for me if I need and for this situation, I need her. I can make the call to Y/N personally,” Chris suggested, to which Megan agreed. She was not going to press the issue of her client’s harboring feelings for one of his closest friends.

But for Chris, this was business, and Y/N would understand. He sent her a quick text asking if she was available to FaceTime him. When a message from Y/N popped, Chris accepted.

“Hey, what’s up?” you asked him.

“Hi. Nothing much. I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing.”

“Everything is going well. I have been busy with the talk show, which has been amazing. I’m surprised it has been a pretty easy transition from scripted television to the new daytime talk show host on the scene,” you shared with Chris.

He was not surprised that you were succeeding in your new venture. You had a personality that was likable and relatable. People enjoyed watching you. That was why you had been successful for so many years.

 “How about you? How are you holding up?” you asked, and Chris could not hold back his sigh.

“Oh…I’m doing alright.”

“What’s with that sigh?”

“Look, I am going to propose something to you, and…first and foremost…please know that I love and respect you. I would never pressure you to do anything you aren’t comfortable doing. But please know that what I am about to ask is because I desperately need your help,” Chris explained.

You felt your stomach drop at how sullen Chris was being. Your mind went straight to the worse scenario.

“Chris,” you spoke up and added, “Is Everything okay? You’re not like, sick, are you? You don’t need a kidney or anything, right?”

“What! No!” Chris then barked out a laugh. “I’m not dying, Y/N. Good Lord! Your mind sometimes…”

“Well, freaking eh man. You scared me there for a second,” you laughed. You were glad that it was not anything too serious.

“Okay, I’m just going to say it,” Chris began and quickly added, “I need you to partake in a…PROmance with me.”

There was a blank look on your face.

“First of all, what the hell is a PROmance?” you inquired skeptically.

“PROmance…it’s an amalgamation of PR and romance,” Chris clarified.

“Okay. Second, why are you still doing the PR dating bullshit? They never end up well. Hello, do I need to remind you of Hiddleswift.”

“Y/N, I would not ask you for this if I didn’t seriously need your help. It’s just a few outings here and there. We control the narrative. There won’t be any cracks for the fans or the media to see. We’ll be subtle about this situation. Alright? I need something else to distract everyone from the bad press ASP has been getting lately. Stepping out with you, a person people genuinely like, that will help take the edge of things.”

You could not hold back a groan. It was not like you were not prone to PR ploys in the past. You just made sure to steer clear of PR couplings as they never interested you and were a waste of time. However, Chris was one of your best friends, and you could tell he needed support. If it were a few outings with some assigned paparazzi tailing you both, then it would not be the worst thing in the world. As Chris said, you both would be in control of the narrative.

With a sigh, you told Chris, “Okay, I’ll do it. Let’s hope; for both of our sakes, this doesn’t end in a disaster. Both of our reputations and credibility are on the line.”

“We’re not going to fuck this up. We’re going to be smart about this whole thing. You have nothing to worry about, Y/N. I got you.”

[ao3feed-jily]

Wrong Number

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3vDcKzS

by pqdfoots

in which phones exist at hogwarts, and sirius black gets added to a group chat with a bunch of unknown numbers

texting fic + some social media text posts with the marauders and the girls. mostly wolftar & jily, but dorlene, megulus, and a few other ships will be shown in the background as well. lots of swearing and inappropriate jokes the same as a 14 year old boy would make because i have not matured past that sense of humor. i have not written a text fic in nearly three years im kind of nervous wow

also i want to make it clear that i in no way support jkr ! or tom felton for that matter. okay, let's begin

Words: 1181, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter The Marauders, The Marauders - Fandom, Harry Potter - Fandom

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M

Characters: Regulus Black, Sirius Black, the Marauders, Mary Macdonald, James Potter, Lily Evans, Dorcas Meadowes, Frank Longbottom, Alice Forescue, Marlene McKinnon, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Hestia Jones, Emmeline Vance, Andromeda Black, Ted Tonks, Simon Minsky, Derek Bell

Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Regulus Black/Mary Macdonald, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Hestia Jones/Emmeline Vance, Frank Longbottom/Alice Fortescue, Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, James Potter/Lily Evans

Additional Tags: wolfstar, jily, Megulus, Harry Potter - Freeform, 1970s, Magic, Wizards, Witches, Hogwarts, dorlene, Love Triangles, Alternate Universe

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3vDcKzS

[bashlandrya]

sebastian ‘bash’ landry: an updated intro !

since it has been literally like 9 months since i posted his most recent intro, here is a new updated one for anyone who has not kept up with bash’s crazy dumb life. yeet

tw drugs, alcoholism, death, violence, jail, dumbassery

let me say first he’s honestly the worst, he's nice and friendly almost to an annoying extent and it will absolutely be genuine most of the time but at times he only is because he will gain something from it. he lies a shitload but can also be extremely blunt. he’s arrogant and has way too much confidence but deep down probably hates himself. he’s selfish, he’s impulsive and he might punch you if you step on his toes at a bad time. he will make elaborate excuses instead of admitting he did something wrong but has still been in jail a few times because he said ‘yeah i did it lol’ (usually when caught red handed). he also drinks way too much but denies alcoholism and he’s barely changed mentally in over a decade. it is honestly a miracle he’s not dead. ok thanks for coming to my ted trash bash talk. i love this man.

basics

name: sebastian damien landry

nicknames: bash (almost always), seb (but rarely), idiot (regularly)

birthday/age: march 22d, 1991 / thirty

gender/pronouns: cis-male / he, him

sexuality: sadly still a heterosexual

zodiacs: aries ☉ ; gemini ☽ ; sagittarius 🡕 

occupation: drug dealer (mostly weed, some cocaine and psychadelics).

hobbies: all types of adventures, his motorcycle, drinking, video games, music (he plays drums and does back up vocals in a not very serious local punk/rock/metal mostly cover band - more info here).

neighbourhood: downtown (apartment tour here)

length of time in crescent harbour: since summer 2009 (12 years)

place of birth: new orleans, louisiana (yes boi has a bit of an accent)

height: 6′5″ (195cm)

moral alignment: chaotic neutral.

positive traits: adventurous, kind-hearted, fun-loving, witty, spontaneous, humorous, clever, generous, protective, sweet and caring.

negative traits: troublesome, sarcastic, deceitful, somewhat arrogant, temperamental, impulsive, rebellious, loud, blunt, dishonest, sometimes aggressive and a bit selfish

tattoos: a seven of spades on his left pec (x). an arrow on his left outer forearm (x). the moon cycle on the right side of his torso (x). geometric tattoo on his right outer forearm (x). a wolf on his left shin (x). aries-inspired ram skull on his upper back (x). a fleur de lis on his left upper arm (x). a sloppy drunk tattoo his friend gave him a year after his mother’s death, on his right knee that just says ‘mom’.

scent: cigarette smoke, liquor, citrus, cologne.

background

Grew up just outside of New Orleans with his parents and six siblings, he’s the third (black sheep but they all love him anyway<3). His mother died suddenly when he was 18 years old and the family moved to Crescent Harbor where he repeated his Senior year in High School. 

He started getting into more trouble, arrested several times and graduated High School behind bars and then..... Continued reckless, bad behavior for the next 12 years anyway.

To some peoples’ surprise he went to College and actually has a Bachelors in Humanities. He’s dumb but not dumb.

Slept around a lot in his teens up until his first year of College when he got chlamydia and got more careful. 

Started dating the Blackwood cousin Jamie when he was 21 and they were on and off for four years, Bash going in and out of jail, until she finally left him in 2016 and moved to New York. 

Bash set out to change but didn’t succeed and kept living like he always had; going to jail a couple of times, sleeping around somewhat but with protection and disappearing out of town for weeks at a time. He once ended up staying on an island for two weeks because he got super drunk and hopped on the ferry and had no money to get back — and of course he left his phone on the mainland.

In July 2020 he reconnected with LiIy Whittaker, an old High School friend-ish. They ended up hooking up on a boat (that Bash, unknown to Lily, had stolen borrowed from her dad). 

They kept hooking up throughout the fall and in October Bash realized he had caught feelings for her and decided to tell her, only he was arrested moments after for 2d degree theft (class c felony) for stealing jewelry from the Whittaker household. He spent two weeks in jail, and found out Ian Whittaker had likely framed him, before Lily helped his sisters bail him out. 

He was proven innocent and not guilty in November and the same day Lily admitted she had feelings for him too and they started dating.

Has worked several jobs that he’s lost either because he didn’t show or because he was arrested. Between 2018 and 2020 he worked as a bouncer in a town over but was fired in November 2020 after not showing up when he was out on bail for the Whittaker case. 

After being fired he went back to dealing like he'd also done between 2015 and 2018 (that time he got out of it because his sister got him a job at the drive-in that he lost after a few months). Lily, his family, and honestly anyone who would like him not to, are not aware he deals drugs.

His mother died in the spring so during the season he drinks more and gets extra reckless and aggressive so he recently wasn’t very nice to some people........ and him and Lily are fighting a bunch at the moment.

more random shit for no reason so u can skip if u wanna lmao

Suffers with insomnia, probably because of his high alcohol consumption but also anxiety that he won’t really admit to. Went to therapy once after his mother’s death but never continued with it. 

The absolute worst at keeping track of his phone and it’s always on silent and either on low battery or just dead. It usually takes him a few days to get back to you if you text or even call. The easiest way to get a hold of him is to visit his apartment and kick on the door or wait for him to get home if he’s not there (u might have to wait a while sometimes tho....).

Has played drums since he was ten years old, starting when he found a drum set in the music room at his Elementary School. At this point he can pretty much play some songs blindfolded. He also started playing guitar at 15.

Has slightly bad eyesight but you will rarely see him in glasses, he wears contacts and usually has an extra pair with him in case he’d lose one. Which he did once when he was drunk and far away from his apartment and had to nagivate home half-blind and tipsy.

Used to skateboard a bunch but hasn’t done it much since some time in College.

Has broken a bunch of bones but most notably his nose 3 times, it’s not as straight as Casey’s.

Likes cooking and is pretty good at it. Pasta is the shit.

His motorcycle is an Indian Scout he bought in 2015 and it’s his baby. Before that he had a Suzuki VS 1400 GL Intruder from 2003 that he got in 2010 and sold to get money for the new one. He’s never owned a car butyes, he knows how to drive one.

He doesn’t dance and if he does, it’s not exactly serious.

Smokes Winston Red 100’s.

Criminal record at the bottom of this page.

Rocks a beard like seen above even though I sometimes use stubble-only gifs.

Despite his unhealthy lifestyle he manages to work out a couple of times a week and he eats.... A lot, because he knows that if he doesn’t he’ll turn into a noodle boy like he was in his teens due to his height.

[trentcrimmisgay]

i’ve been clearing out old screenshots in my camera roll but i have ted lasso brain rot so you all have to see what they made me think of (part two. more posts)

[gh0stbird]

Okay Now Do The Rest

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Bright but argumentative. I was never afraid of pointing out things I didn’t feel were fair hfhddh

When we were learning numbers kids would often write 91 for nineteen, just flip them, y’know, and Ms. Potter yelled at the class for it. Baby Generiq went into it about how it was an understandable mix up because you do say the number first. In twenty-three you write the two first, so in nineteen it’s easy to assume you would write the nine first.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Tired.

8. movies or tv shows?

TV shows. Every book adaptation should also be a series not a movie. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Honeysuckle and sunshine

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Floor hockey! My friend and I used to be brutal and swing at each other’s shins going after the ball. Also it was reminiscent of golf, which I competed in.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

I have an untitled playlist I cycle my current music in and out of, but Newton’s Third Law is my favorite named one!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

I don’t- I guess the yellow smarties. Don’t come for me they taste like lemonade.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

I assume this means assigned book and not the reports we got to pick for ourselves. Ah, Night was good. Lord of the Flies was fine but way overhyped. Again, don’t come for me.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

If I can tuck my legs into the chair I am sitting in that is ideal!

18. ideal weather?

When you know it is going to rain and you get to stay home

19. sleeping position? (Skipped on accident)

I reeeally like pressure, so either against something or on my stomach.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Phone notes and a notebook! Sometimes a blank document but I always find it strangely intimidating

21. obsession from childhood?

Warrior Cats, Percy Jackson, and Maximum Ride were my big three!

22. role model?

Aa I try to straw from people I want to copy, but there are talents I look up to. Rachel Chavkin is a brilliant director, and there are so many artists and authors I look up to and who inspire me.

24. favorite crystal?

Obsidian because it’s black like my hea- I’m kidding, I do love obsidian, but it’s Rose Quartz because it’s a very very pretty, soft pink and makes me happy.

25. first song you remember hearing?

The mobile above my crib played Imagine by John Lennon. My childhood room was themed after it as well!

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Swim or sit in the sunshine. Ben and I usually go driving with the top down as well.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Walking through fresh snow is amazing, so are snowball fights and building snowmen.

28. five songs to describe you?

Oh fuck yes

Hurricane - Hamilton

The Reckless and the Brave - All Time Low

Almost There - The Princess and the Frog

All This and Heaven Too - Florence + the Machine

Facade - Jekyll and Hyde: A Gothic Musical Thriller

30. places that you find sacred?

I don’t typically find places sacred, but certain headspaces are very special to me, and time spent with loved ones means more than enough to be considered sacred.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

A black blazer with a white button-down and a skirt.

32. top five favorite vines?

I am in Missouri (misery)

I love you, Bitch

I want a Church girl

Obama’s “I know because I won both of them”

I won’t hesitate, Bitch!

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“No worries”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

That fucking PFI bandana boot sale I stg

35. average time you fall asleep?

Somewhere between 9:00 and three in the morning

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Some girl doing bunny ears on her friend. I don’t remember what the caption was

38. lemonade or tea?

Both. Mixed together. It’s called an Arnold Palmer and it is my favorite drink

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon cake!

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

We duck taped out principal to the wall once. Also some kid broke their tray over another kid’s head at lunch one time.

41. last person you texted?

The family group chat, though Beau if Discord counts

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

I wear a lot of leggings so jacket pockets!

44. favorite scent for soap?

We had some Lily of the Valley hand soap that was amazing

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy, I think! I’ve never done super heavy into the other two. Though I definitely don’t want to ignore sci-fi because two of my favorite stories are a little science-fiction-y

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

A t-shirt and shorts

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

A banana. Generally accepted as a fruit and kind of just rolls with it, but is actually a berry

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

I fucking hate Hamilton-ing on main, but

“And when my prayers to god were met with indifference, I picked up a pen, I wrote my own deliverance!”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

That changes every time Beau and I play HetaOni together, but I have fucking lost it for at least five minutes the last two sessions.

51. current stresses?

I dunno, man, life? My hair could use a wash

52. favorite font?

Covered by your Grace and I’m a big Spectral baby. These are both google docs! I don’t know if that makes a difference.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Patience is important when teaching material, but never be afraid to find another approach better suited to the person you’re tutoring.

55. favorite fairy tale?

Robin Hood!

56. favorite tradition?

My family does homemade Springfield cashew chicken for Christmas!

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Uhh lots of self-acceptance shit no one really wants to read

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I can pop the joint at the center of my foot

That’s all

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

I sort of like my role as mom friend, so maybe I could keep that role in a sort of action-based anime that followed a group of friends

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“I am not the protégé to waste your time on; I'm complete!” Jekyll and Hyde: GMT

62. seven characters you relate to?

Haha

Lisa Carew - Jekyll and Hyde: GMT

Japan - Hetalia/Oni

Garnett - Steven Universe

Hfhddh that’s all I can say that aren’t my own characters

63. five songs that would play in your club?

I Don’t Like Clubs, but

Overwhelmed - Royal + The Serpent

Backseat Serenade - All Time Low

Go Big or Go Home - American Authors

The Nights - Avicii

Tempo - Lizzo

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Webkinz!

65. any permanent scars?

Yep - One from a bad bike wreck. My body rejected the dissolvable stitches so it’s a lot bigger than it was supposed to be

66. favorite flower(s)?

Lily of the Valley, daisies, Day Lilies, and Dandelions! I also love honeysuckles but I don’t know if those count.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Accidentally drank rancid milk once!

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? (Haha, nice)

The fastest, free way to fill up your potions on Wizard101 is to play Potion Motion to level three.

70. left or right handed?

Right handed

71. least favorite pattern?

On myself, animal print

72. worst subject?

I’ve never been intuitively good at History, I do think it’s interesting though.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

I don’t like to take it until I can’t move without it.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

Kindergarten? I had mono and then scarlet fever twice, so my baby teeth were pretty much ruined and they all fell out very fast.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Curly fries!

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Kalanchoe’s, it literally Window’s Thrill. These babies are fairly temperamental outside and love partial sun, so the window is the perfect spot for them. And! If you keep them happy! They’ll bloom! My personal favorite is the pink bloom.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

What’s wrong with coffee from a gas station? Also I don’t like seafood.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth tones!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Lightning bugs

82. pc or console?

PC!

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts - talk radios actually tend to get under my skin for n o reason

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie, but let it be known I was brutal with mine. We did human sacrifices and the like.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology!

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies, but I’m a slut for whipped frosting

87. your greatest fear?

Losing control!

88. your greatest wish?

A life beyond where I am now. Haha Stop chasing new down the hallway you’re so sexy haha

90. luckiest mistake?

Logged into Omegle in like 2015 and some rando asked me to join their Doctor Who roleplay. Luckiest moment of my gd life.

91. boxes or bags?

Bags! They’re easier to store

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight! But in the late afternoon when everything is bathed in orange.

93. nicknames?

Mom is the most prevalent!

94. favorite season?

Fall into winter. Peak leaf crunch!

95. favorite app on your phone?

Discord or Notes

[oodlyenough]

brilliantfantasticgeronimo replied to your post: Also dying at "womanitis" because literally!!...

and there’s also the whole… as you say, they clearly thought irl women like robin were full of shit. and that ted was mostly right all along….. but, there’s also the sinister conservative undercurrent of the whole thing, in the way even more so than ted himself- it was lily and marshall’s romance that was always “the only right way” to live and to be in love. that was imo the enduring message of the thing- “teds can exist, but only insofar as they become marshalls”

yes! I think I have a piece of meta on tumblr somewhere about just that, how their model for relationships was Lily & Marshall ONLY, that was why they so often wrote Barney & Robin like.... terribly instead of embracing that two people like Barney and Robin could have a functional, healthy and more unconventional relationship, and Robin was repeatedly punished by the text w years of loneliness and misery for not being Lily until she finally succumbed in the last minute of the show to being Ted’s wife & mom to his kids. 

[maybeayellowumbrella]

                                                       The Alex

A premise

First things off: this is in English because it just made more sense to me.

This whole thing may sound cheesy, a big romantic gesture only Ted could do, or fucking creepy. I hope to be your Dobler and not a Dahmer.

I don’t hope to be neither a Ted or a Barney, you know I always thought I resemble so much Lily, I don’t know if you will be my Marshall but for a moment I thought you were, so here I am.

Please read this while playing this song.

Step 1: admit to yourself that you still have feelings for this boy.

Step 2: choose the completely wrong moment to make a move via text message… and get shot down on purpose by receiving a “🙈“ emoji as respond.

Step 3: try to lock the door on any future you could have together, which, based on HIMYM scripts, it will drive Alex nuts.

Step 4: accordingly to HIMYM Alex goes nuts, but this is not a tv serie so it doesn’t happen, also because you didn’t lock any door.

Step 5: decide whether or not asking Max, Lotito or Loooca some help and whether or not you will make a fool of yourself by involving other people.

Step 6: decide not to, because it will be too much embarrassing for both Alex and you.

Step 7: because your friends have boundaries, they’ll know nothing about this plan and will not intervene in it.

Step 8: ask Alex out to talk to him because you need help as a friend. Invite him casually to a special place.

Due to Coronavirus outbreak’s lock down, you two cannot see each other, but since this is unbearable send Alex this post.

Step 10: Alex arrives at the place of our first date or the one of our first kiss and at this page finds the only (not so much) secret page of The Playbook… the only play you’ll ever run.

Step 11: Alex realizes this is about How I Met Your Mother and starts laughing (and/or cringing) (okay, probably this is step 0)

Step 12: hope he wants to read all this.

Step 13 : ask him if he wants to start dating each other again and eventually get back together.

Step 14: hope he says yes.

[whale-wolf]

HIMYM + Popular Text Posts part 1 

[lemonadeslice]

a week late, who’s a week late?? hahahahahaha

day 13: what’s in their bag → i was feeling like lily has been a little neglected, considering she’s in the main trio, so these are the contents of her purse/backpack/pockets, whatever. this all looks super boring to me, and i really don’t think it reveals much about her as a character, other than the fact that she likes to have moisturized hands and fresh breath. though she does have a fake id because she may or may not be wanted for questioning about a murder in one or two states (funny how it’s tricky to prove that the person you killed was a shapeshifter). day 14: fantasy or myth au → i mean. i’m embarrassed. but that sure is a sleeping beauty au for my bois. ted looks good in red and luke would probably definitely sing to random woodland animals so. yeyeye day 15: rpg or d&d au → UH yea that’s bast as an aasimar fighter and lily as a half-elven warlock (but i don’t actually know if warlocks are allowed to summon bows. i mean. it’s called pact of the blade. so. oops?). i don’t think it turned out so nice, but i guess that’s okay. day 16: cooking → luke is the only person in his house who will cook on the regular. and, while some of the others can cook but don’t, erin is absolutely not one of them. which is why she is literally inhaling that thing of ramen. day 17: dancing → nona (from day 4) again, dancing with her adoptive father dmitri. as soon as i came up with the idea for this one i immediately became very angry at myself for never doing it before. day 18: celebrating → i could Not think of what to do for this day, so eventually i settled on this because lily’s birthday is the closest. everyone remember to wish her well on october 8th!!!

edit: no idea why the text was all crazy in the first one? i had to post a screenshot for it to look right? anyway