#listen i dont post DE anymore

[falldogbombsthemoon]

Bro, here is my conversation with my music teacher today:

Me: "I would like to leave choir"

Him: "You're in choir?"

Me: "yeah ._."

Him: " yeah, ok no, but you can't do that. You're in for a year. You can't just leave. Maybe you could have left at the half year, but that's too late now anyway. You are in for the rest of the school year"

BRO?!?!?! YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOE I WAD IN CHOIR??? YOU FUCKING INVITED ME IN??? If I didn't ask, he probably wouldn't even have noticed if I just stopped coming. But like huh, I got better stuff to do. I would love to join theater club, but choir and theater are both Fridays, so apparently I can't now. Like? You can't just keep me there? I just won't come. I mean, i love singing, but idk, singing in a choir makes me so dysphoric. I was put in fucking mezzo soprano by him - I'm pretty sure I'm alto, but ok. It's just that, I think I can sing as high as the others in mezzo, but my voice sounds deeper. Idk how to describe it, but my like voice volume is different ig? Idk. Choir is just no fun to me, and now I gotta stay??

[thecherrygod]

i wish i could just like. be possesed and have some sort of entity do the things i have to do for me

[thegirlisuedtobe]

hey your post were you mention the narrator of rebecca lies by omission is haunting (pun intended teehee) me, what did you mean when you said she lies by omission, feel free to rant btw

-💗

Did you mean [this] post?

AHH!! mrs de winter,,, that girl is a liar and the most conniving woman i have ever had the pleasure of reading jk

but actually i mean it tho that she does lie by omission. i tagged this as the musical but in terms of the show, i dont think she actually lies in that one, especially as far as how most actors in that role interpret her character.

but book mrs de winter?? my goodness,,,, when i made this post the scene i was really thinking was the prologue for the most part, when shes describing her life living with maxim at that hotel after the fire. there's this kind of way where shes saying shes content but like against her descriptions about the kind of glamour that manderley had, their quaint life together feels so,,, dreary, like a half existence, not really a life not really in death yknow? if u read in between the lines at this listless kind of development of setting, shes saying all these things about living an ordinary life but in a tone where shes not satisfied with it at all,,,

this quote from the the top of chapter 2 is like one that gets referenced a lot but people never quote the whole thing, she says "we have conquered ours, or so we believe." like first of all who the fuck says "or so we believe" in a statement where shes trying to justify or rationalise the ordeal that they went through and the outcome of it (being this dreary life) as a net positive,,, like why are u being so ominous now,,, and then the next line "the devil does not ride with us" like babe,,, ur not being honest with yourself,,,, u just said "oh we conquered ours, jk unless,,, but we did yknow," she has such a flip floppy way of framing things that makes u question which is it really? i think its a testament to that idea of rebecca being a mirror and finding what you want to see, and for me i see this person desperately trying to frame something that is still deeply affecting her to this present day as if it doesnt. like someone else who might wish to feel the same way might only see the oh we've conquered it and not pick up on the unease of or so we believe, just that the devil does not ride us anymore. to a reader who wants to see that, they will interpret this quote as a triumph, which often is usually the case.

like she says that the unrest has "mercifully stilled" but at the drop of a hat "the past is still too close to us." their situation remains in this precarious balance, if they go too far in any direction they endanger this so called peace,,, this is not a life that has progressed beyond what happened,,,

and the cherry on top is this beautifully long gorgeous passage that is EXPOSING HER for her lies about being happy in this small hotel half-existence with maxim. u just have to read all of it actually to understand, and if u dont, well,,,

(i also annotated it; red is the negative aspects, blue is the postive/their ordinary life, and green is when she starts talking about manderley and her love of that place)

i feel like its so easy to attribute the love of manderley as being primarily held by danny or by rebecca or by maxim even, but the person who loves manderley most in this novel (yes by virtue of it being a first person pov but also bc its true) is mrs de winter. i highlighted in my physical copy of rebecca ever single time she mentioned manderley in a very flattering or loving way and its basically the whole book. she loves this castle, this place is the epitome of all her aspirations; becoming a lady, rising in class status, the image of a perfect marriage a perfect home a perfect family, manderley holds all of that in her heart so when she talks about manderley she exposes herself so deeply if you are willing to listen to her.

that part about her saying "colour and scent and sound, rain and the lapping water, even the msits of autum and the smell of the flood tide," these things that quite truly colours our quality of life are "secret indulgences" implies that these inherent basic things that make life beautiful are things she cant access without rocking the seemingly still peace that they have. especially with the way that maxim reacts to it and how she picks up on that. she has to rely on the dull and the boring monotonies to continue that so called peace even though thats not whats personally fulfilling for her,,, the line where she says "we prefer to store up our excitement; the result of a cricket match played many days ago means much to us" ,,, doesnt that sound so sad? theyre not even living in the moment anymore, if they did i think it would kill them to be quite honest.

so many of the positive/ordinary lifestyle descriptions are weaved against these pitiful sounding statements and its truly like,,, why stitch it like this? if daphne du maurier wanted us to feel like this was the life that was better, the one that you should choose or idealise, than the chaos of manderley why did she write it like this? why not just say that she was happy, why add those hints of melancholy?

and because of that i feel like shes lying by omission. its like all these things shes saying are half truths. its true that ordinary or even dull days are better than chaotic ones because youre not pained by such hurtful circumstances but at what cost? the joy and excitement of life? its like all of her descriptions of their life after the fire are backhanded compliments,,,, im just so curious about the other half that she isnt saying,,, when she doesnt say what shes implying it just feels like what she did say was a lie by omitting the rest of it.

does that make sense? do u get it?

[djhamaradio]

I do not have a brand because I am not a corporation.

I lost my job recently and had to log back into my LinkedIn account. The whole thing felt forced and weird because I never use the app and I never post anything and suddenly I posted an alert showing I was open for work. The whole process felt weird because everyone in my network seemed to be confused because everyone on there is an ace at networking and using their personal brands to show people what they have going on in their work lives and I felt like a faker. Same way I feel when I am told I am not effectively branding my radio show and my escapades in the record digging world to become a vinyl influencer (not sure if that exists). The whole thing has me depressed because I get the feeling my inactivity is not helping with my job prospects. And no matter what advice I read on Forbes or whatever blog about personal marketing I’m never going to be good at it. I lack the brand consistency or whatever it’s called because ultimately I am not that committed to this world of personal branding. The article above from the wonderful folks at Vox reminds me that this is one of the legacies of late market capitalism everyone is merely a sellout but we don’t have interests or passions anymore everything we do or say has to be leveraged for likes and followers. The thing I find most intriguing about this world is the pervasisveness of hucksterism, and just pure fakery. I find people employing awful vague corporte phrases like maximizing productivity to describe their day to day lives.I find people posting shit about how one can leverage their brand to build a following that will lead them to make a living off social media. it is all disgusting but more than anything speaks to just how much consumerism, and capitlism in general has infected every sacred facet of human life. We have all become brands, and as brands your ultimate goal is to sell, sell and sell. Sell agressively, sell even if it means lying and sell with your consumer in mind. I look at myself I truly joined social media to connect with friends, at some point I left Facebook because my conservative family had joined and thewas now on they had an issue with my Halloween costume (Me dressed as a member of De La Soul and my girlfriend at the time in. slutty Nun costume), so I deleted the account and stuck with IG. On IG aI liked sharing music banter, odd ball humour and rap references with my small cast of friends who get it, and I use it to let people know when my radio show is on. My show is decently popular and I dont make a living doing it, I do DJ gigs on the side and I make decent guap doing it but would absolutely never do that for a living. The DJ gig funds the record collecting, and the radio show is a creative outlet that is all it is. I dont give a shit about branding, even though in a sense I am acting like a brand but I am not selling you anything. I put myself out there simply to say hey check out what I am doing and let me know if you fuck with it other than that no biggie. I aint out here saying if you listen to my radioshow your dick will grow bigger, all the chicks will like you and I am offering somekind of solution to one of lifes ills. My purpose is simply to say hey dont know what you doing but tune into my non-commercial uninterrupted absolutley amteurish radio show where you get to hear me play funk, soul, jazz and african music, for its on sake and not to sell but plugs or lawn mowers. The branding shit is particularly insidious because it makes us forget that there was a time when people congregated because they shared deep interests outside of the capitalist objective, think about stamp collectors, book clubs, bowling leagues and in my case a group of guys who drive around the midwest frequenting record stores spending huge amounts of hours scouring dollar record bins for prized records (This is also a dying art but I digress). I think at the heart of it social media has democratized aspects of the creative world. I just want to live in a world where I am not a brand.

[raydianbluesandhues]

YAYY and also speaking of anything abut dr. von blot? hes becoming one of my fav inkys so

lil scientist guy? i have a few Hcs about him --

I never played the DS version but I DID watch a 4 hour 100% walkthrough of it. i am mentally ill

anyways.

So I originally thought that the scientist Inky that talks to Blob before the mutant Inky boss fight was just a random one that was interested in studying Blob. rightfully so because I would want to research him too if I was on the losing side of the war. like tell me your secrets magic man

But they're the same person

Mutated Ink was Von's lil project that he was working on for,, quite a bit of time really. he wanted to impress Comrade, his superior, with something that could change the war forever

Of course, this meant holing himself up in his lab as he worked, making him miss the entirety of the first war and therefore missing his chance to show Comrade the fruits of his labor. he had no knowledge of anything that was happening until Blob fucking jumpscared him by falling into his lab Undertale style

like SIR GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

I think surviving that rocket is a miracle in and of itself, I would imagine that the mutated ink that caused him to turn into de Blot probably came off in the explosion and he turned back to normal

something something the explosion had color energy in it and with him already being in a weakened state the mutated ink came off

the one difference between him and Comrade is the fact that Von lost due to his temper, and Comrade lost due to his arrogance. Von started this wanting to impress someone who was off doing something else entirely and had no knowledge of anything happening in Chroma

speaking of what was happening in Prisma I think Von went over there asap after hearing about what was going on

he was so caught up with his research and being "de Blot" that he had no knowledge of Comrade's shenanigans in Prisma

he was involved in the creation of the Spikeys and the updated versions of the Elites, and I think that would've gotten him a bit more attention from Comrade, which is WHAT HE WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE

like, imagine being noticed by your idol after like. what. 5 years?

i think he'd try again with the mutated ink because it was successful in its own right and he, again, thought that it would help them out in the war

with it being so close to the end of the war though, and with the Raydians starting to revolt, I would like to think he gave up on it again and discarded it

HOWEVER.

i like to think that the mutant Inky was a product of this. with him discarding the batch of mutated ink he was working on perhaps some inkies thought that it was a misplaced shipment of ink that needed to be put in the factory

and then boom! confused ink monster fucking up everything

now obviously Blob and co. dont recognize Von because he's not a blob anymore (outside of Pinky)

but von CLEARLY remembers them and of course, hates their fucking guts

SOMETHING ELSE I THOUGHT OF. very quickly before i end the post

he def had something to do with the Blancs. if I remember correctly regular ink will kill anything it touches, including Raydians (no so fun fact: if you roll over a raydian while you are inked, the raydian dies), but in the DS game the mayor gets hit with a glob of what I'm guessing is mutated ink, and he was just annoyed

mutated ink is still ink, but i guess it's not as corrosive as regular ink is? after all, it is mutated ink, it explains why the Blancs look the way they do. they've mutated into something.. unholy

i think comrade would've told him about his plans. his plans to take over Prisma and the world, and bring the raydians to their knees. Von would just look at him and be like "yeah you know how that ended for you last time. it's not like they're gonna listen to you. unless you brainwash them of course"

an idea was born that day

[oh-munda-kukkad-kamaal-da]

Hey saw recent posts ik you are probably tired of hearing this today but I had too because I went through something similar idk how worse you have it but I will not be giving you all positive shit because I myself didn’t believe in it I felt alone in my own goddamn house still do sometimes but I guess you gotta live with that and find happiness somewhere else I found my escape in books and fiction then joined tumblr haven’t made any friend here yet but I would be happy if you are the first one if you feel lonely even with your friends you are sharing with wrong ones. The only 2 friends with whom I nvr felt left out aren’t with me anymore so trust me Ik how bad it gets yeah I rant this muchh so if you by any chnce take up my offer you will have to tolerate me and my shit but everything de people here love you and I wish I could give yo pu flowers and a hug rn also irl I have nvr spoken this much luv u:)

Its ok, Sir/Miss. Thank you. And i dont mind being friends, i like listening to people rant. I appreciate your words. I luv u too and idk your fav flowers so here are my fav ones

[defensivelee]

I realize I have not spoken much about the Jacobite I actually know so I am going to YELL about him here now in a very disorderly fashion bc he has recently left and i am actually kinda sad :((

ok so he's a catholic priest and he is mexican. if you know anything about us you will know that we are not the target audience for jacobite propaganda (whatever that may entail), so obv i was never suspecting any jacobite shenanigans from this guy nor from any other guy where i live

but THEN one night after mass i was hoppin back outside and on my way out i hear this man say one (1) thing that made me STOP IN MY TRACKS. he says "ustedes conocen los jacobitas, seguidores de jaime el segundo..." ("you all know of the jacobites, followers of james ii...")

idk what he was talking about and i didn't stay to listen. but that was all i needed. HE KNEW ABOUT JAMES THE GODDAMN SECOND AND HE KNEW ABOUT THE JACOBITES

so i go and tell @acrossthewavesoftime and we decide that i should talk to this guy and see what he knows. originally i was legit not gonna talk to him but i'll admit i was curious too. from there i talked to him many times, i would say like about 7-8 times, and he said plenty of stuffs that i told Radegonde (which was always hilarious). here are the highlights, all the spicy opinions!!

-the first time i spoke to him, i asked him his thoughts on James (under the guise that i needed the knowledge for school). he went on a bit of a rant that i dont remember much of, but i do remember he said that what James did was honorable (something like that i think??) and that giving up his kingdom for catholicism isn't something anybody would do. said he would be fine with making James a saint but that he isn't a jacobite (implying he knows that there are some still around)

-also in that first time, he called William an enemy of the bible (which Radegonde referenced on her blog once and it made me choke)

-for some reason i thought it was a brilliant idea to tell him of the green stockings kink. he made a face at it and said he would look into it. idk if he ever did bc he never mentioned it again............

-i asked him if he thought it was weird that spanish wikipedia has James as "Jacobo" rather than "Jaime" (which is more correct honestly) and he said it was very strange, implying that he has been on wikipedia

-on that note, he called James "Jaime" but didn't call William "Guillermo." understandably so bc it is very funny

-apparently he has been to France (and speaks French!!! wow!!) and that's how he learned of James. i can only imagine what he saw there

-i asked him his thoughts on Mary and it was really interesting bc it seems that he thinks of her as a victim! specifically he said that he couldn't blame her bc she was obeying what her husband wanted and claimed that even if she hadn't wanted to go depose James, William would have done it anyway

verdict: a jacobite even if he denies being one. i get the vibe that he does NOT like William......

so i think this guy's really interesting bc he's actually. not that bad of a priest?? like one time this dickhole at church was ranting things against trans people yknow the usual insults and my jacobite priest was sort of...side-eyeing him. he did not look too happy. an ally? something else? i have no idea. idk how openly trans i look but he was at least very much willing to talk to me.

and thats the thing that i'm actually sorta sad about, bc i feel like i got to know more about him than just the jacobite part of him. like this post is about his Very Fascinating Opinions but also sometimes i had a rough time at church and listening to him talk was funny so it made me feel better. he also genuinely said hello to me sometimes and would listen to MY opinions very attentively

he recently switched over to another church, which means i won't get to see him as much anymore if at all, but last sunday i saw him he said he hopes he gets to see me again

in conclusion. very strange thoughts but not a terrible priest by my standards! oddly i miss him now but it is what it is :(

[souppippin]

I was tagged by the lovely Sophie @gaylonelybitch thank u <333

rules: shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist and post the first 10 tracks, then list 10 songs you really like, each by a different artist. then tag 10 people to do the same thing

I Love You Too by Ezra Bell - A beautiful bitttersweet song sung by the nicest voice, I cannot get enough of it

Bring mich nach Hause by Betterov - I loved the entire album so much until I heard it too much and now i dont listen to it anymore

Come over (again) by the Crawlers - gives me energy, if only out of spite

leichter///kälter by Edwin Rosen - This is one of the songs that i listen to on repeat while working so it is always on my on repeat even when, in my mind, i dont listen to it that much

Inked in red by vision video - This song was on my november playlist so now spotify thinks im obsessed, its still a good song

Its Not a Fashion Statement its a Deathwish by My Chemical Romance - songs that make you wake up

The Man In The Station by John Martyn - Songs that are on repeat while I need to concentrate

Bitter Sweet Symphony by the Verve - this song is a lot of memories for me <3

Cherry Wine by Hozier - I love to listen to the birds in the background they belong to this song

Tears over Beers - Modern Baseball

I will not do an entire ten extra songs but special mentions go to

From Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell

Honey in the Hair by Blackbird Raum

and: The Barrel by Aldous Harding

And Im tagging @gayrightspippin @fruityculture and @treibholz-des-universums if u guys wanna :)

[querenciaofmelancholy]

why do we want to matter? Why do we want to make others aware of our existence, when in fact nothing will matter in the long run.

It doesn't matter right now. We are teeny meeny globules of fats and proteins and shit on a teeny meeny planet in a teeny meeny solar system in a teeny meeny universe in this large-idk-whats-beyond-universe and even aristotle and gandhi ji will be forgotten one day. Won't they? That's the bane of my existence these days. Why try when you can't leave an impact on the world forever.

One of these days, my friend pointed out that she wants to be something like the person who created the heart symbol (<3 this shaped heart) because it's one of the deeply engraved de facto symbol set in our minds. This is the kind of life I would want. Everyone to know my creation, like the mandatory Characteristics of players in a video game. But we don't really remember the name of the person right? What's fame when you aren't popular, only your work is?

so yes, I have stopped telling the world about me. (Mostly by posting as less stories as possible and shutting up in conversations and listening more). But this void to contribute and show off and make people aware of what's happening in my life constantly nudges me. I am not the girl who puts up only birthday stories and aesthetic ones. I want to put up reels, which songs I like, which book is eating away my head. But i dont want to anymore cause it's just not cool. I have a public account now, something I don't feel comfortable on any more.

I will either end up deciding to post more Or not posting at all. Whatever will be the result, I won't stop the anonymous me posting on tumblr about my shit. Nobody has to read it, and if someone does, they won't know it's me.

So should I go ahead and put tags on this?if this reaches to you, the want-to-leave-an-impact sg won

[maisondrew]

You’ve been on my mind lately. I think it started when i went to the club with ivan. he sat next to me and asked me how ive been, and put his arm around me and just showed mad love "yo im really glad you're here, we havent chilled in a minute". he said. Sybyr played earlier today and it hit. I think tonight is the night i finally get the chance to grieve you.

Music was our bond since the moment we met. “Je suis le noir le plus blanc que tu vas rencontrer”. When i found out you listened to metal in grade 10. Shameless in your identity and your taste in music is what i loved about you. Putting me on ferg, uzi and even tried to put me on korean pop. When you hit me and martin up to hangout in the summer, there was a part of me that dreaded it. When i left emmanuel i felt as though i made sure to remove myself from anyone there and went as far as dissociating from the identity i had there. Kept in touch with the ones i truly had love for and moved on. Seeing you meant i had to tap into that identity. Martin and i dont even fuck with each other like that anymore. The day came and martin ghosted, i pulled through. I hadnt seen you in years. You asked me to call jaya, and i did. We spent time in the parkinglot talking about life, music and the men we chose to be. You pulled up in a white beamer. You were level headed but i could tell you were happy about the car. kept emphasizing how it meant nothing to you. “I stay out of trouble. Mes amis font des bhays, moi j’vais au travail, et je rentre chez moi, je veux rien savoir.” I think that line of yours echoes through my conscious the loudest. “Je veux bouger au ouest, c’est calm ici”.

On the night Wednesday, August 10th, i was riding my motorcycle to the old port. The sun was setting and the sky was magnificent, but i couldnt shake this feeling in my stomach. The entropy in the air was strong, why does it feel like my clock is holding on by a thread? I was particularly paranoid and i couldn't comprehend why. My sixth sense was feeling particularly hazy. “is this how i go? will it be a pothole or an accident? am i gonna get drunk tn and drive into a lightpole?” I was playing eeny meeny miny moe, which one of these cars is going to projectile me on the otherside of the highway? I felt death lingering around me until i made it to the club that night. A fight broke out, and my boy got involved, so i got involved, is this it? collateral in a fight? but no, i was okay.

It was jeffs story that i saw first in the morning. “What the fuck does he know about you, why the fuck would he post that?” i messaged him, that shit wasnt funny, i was heated at 9 am. I checked cobis story, and texted jaya right away, l kept refreshing my phone while driving to work. This cant be real. But it was. The only time adulthood escapism was of any service; i was in brampton while people walked your vigil. I felt like i didnt show up for you the way you showed up for me in the west. When i came back i made sure to go to your funeral. I went alone on my bike. Found a seat and witnessed people speak on your name. Your family, your friends, and your mother. Your strong spirited mother. It was all still surreal. At your burial i was accompanied by some familiar faces, which made me feel some comfort. Your mom left fast. I wanted to stay as long as i could so i did. People came to you to say their good bye. I shied away, i didnt wanna front on anyone. One of your boys played uzi, the track you showed me in highschool. Eventually when people moved away, ivan put his arm around me and said: “come, we need to say good bye” ivan, devin, crystel and i came to see you. I put my hand on your casket and i prayed.

I prayed you found the quiet you looked for. I apologized for not putting effort to see you when i could have. And i thanked you for the music. I thanked you for the time, and thanked you for coming to see me and keeping in touch. You were always so big yet so gentle. I was far from being your closest friend, but the little bit of mutual love and respect we had for each other was enough to have me aching writing to you now. I know its meek, but i hope it is strong enough to travel to you. you really broke my heart. May your soul travel in music forever.

long live jaystarz.

[coureirsix]

that last post made me insane so here is what I have for latinxchesters: john winchester, still the whitest man alive, went down to mexico city on a holiday and as a result encountered the loveliest woman at a bus stop. yes ma’m this is maria esther castillo, she has dark eyes, dark hair and john is the palest motherfucker alive next to her. john stays a while. a long while after that. when she gets pregnant with dean he makes the move completely down there. maria doesn’t wanna leave mx and he doesn’t think she should have to. john gets a job as a mechanic down there, learns a better broken spanish and maria, who already had a solid grasp on her english because that’s what they do in technical schools in mx, keeps her job as a secretary to some big business. dean is born and he’s named dean because mary had a friend who dated another white man named dean and she loved the name. mary’s father’s name is still samuel, so that fit for sam when he was born. 

john and maria got married in this BIG catholic celebration under god and everybody in the fucking barrio, novela style wedding because john researched what a good mexican marriage was and he found a bunch of novels and novelas on tv.

dean grew up watching el barrio sesamo and topo gigio all while still listening to led zeppelin and metallica. his mom would make him atole when it got cold and when he got stick one time, she tried using vicks but dean got fucking bronchitis so she’s sworn off of it. after that when dean got sick she’d make him sopita. 

dean grew up with a few christmases, a few posadas where he got to hit the pinata and he was the baby passed around several pairs of arms who were ready to call him cute and adorable and their güerito because as we know he was blonde as a baby. then sam was born and dean never made it to the next posada. 

dean was taught to pray the angel de la guardia every night before he went to bed and john catches him and sam in the act one day, both of them little and praying together and he drunkenly tells them they don’t need to do that shit anymore. it’s the first time dean feels the culture clash, but he’s a child so to him it feels more like embarrassment. john talks to them about maria in the same way. she becomes a saint in the metaphorical way and in the way sam grows up praying the ave maria before he goes to bed whenever he feels he’s done something wrong.

dean and sam's first language is spanish and remains as such because it’s the language mary spoke to dean and the language he taught sam. when john takes them back to the states dean KEEPS the language because it’s what he uses to communicate with sam and as he gets older and he realizes he’s not home anymore, he doesn’t have his mom anymore, the language is really all he has left. so it’s a ten year old dean winchester, hair dark, eyes a dark shade of hazel green, tan skin going, “esquenoentiendesquesamsesientemal--” and john just. snaps at dean to speak to him in english because dean speaks too quickly and john can’t keep up. it’s when john begins dumping them at tio bobby’s house. 

dean, in his mostly still broken english, because he doesn’t go to schoooooool, goes up to bobby and says, “i can have... eh,” and he can’t remember the english word for juice and bobby gives this little brown kid a smile and goes, “whatcha need kiddo? agua? soda? jugo?” because bobby knows SOME spanish and dean’s eyes light up and he goes, “si! tantito jugo.”

and bobby notes how this is. overly important to dean as he gets a little older and comes to know him more so when dean is like. maybe 6 or 7 he takes dean into the kitchen, lifts him up in his arms and points to a pot and goes, “como se llama?” and dean gives him this silly look and goes, “olla.” and bobby picks up a fork and goes, “esto?” and dean goes, “tenedor.” and it becomes a game for them, it helps bobby’s spanish and it lets dean keep the language. sam joins in on the game when he’s old enough to. bobby asks about mexico and dean tells him what he remembers. he likes talking about the posadas because everyone was extra nice to him and gave him tonnes of food. 

one day john dumps them at bobby’s for christmas and bobby has bought, a whole chicken and mashed potatoes, some pie, and some frozen tamales for them and its the happiest day dean spends that year. dean tries to explain champurrado to bobby but he ends up just making chocolate milk for them. 

by the time they’re old enough to start school they still dont know much english and have to go through the process of showing up at a school with the name Winchester and have the white kids laugh at them because they don’t know english. dean gets by because theyre never there for long, he looks the way he does and all the girls think he’s so exotic and sam gets bullied relentlessly and he ends up screaming spanish obscenities at a bunch of kids more often than not. that is, until they get shacked up in a place like new york, or los angeles or houston. where sam gets approached by a ragtag bunch of kids browner than he is who know less english than he does. dean picks up english a little better than sam, and both of them eventually grow to be fluent but it never is the fluidity of a native speaker u know, they both have accents when they speak. 

so when stanford comes along sam is as usual ready to get the fuck out of there because the MACHISMO on john winchester doesnt change but dean buys into it even further. i wont go into the details of abuse when latinx but it’s nasty and even more complicated than it already is. dean and sam don’t get into fist fights. ever. because you just don’t do that when you’re family. and so when john tries to shove sam back and sam fights back that’s dean’s breaking point and he lets sam go. dean doesn’t necessarily agree with john but there are lines you don’t cross. dean still feels abandoned, he still feels resentment, but sam crossed a line. it takes him a while to unlearn that. 

and down the road, when sam gets slammed onto the ground that fateful night and dean looks down at him with the shit eating grin the first thing sam says to dean, annoyed, angry that his older brother is here is, “no mames.”  and its the first thing sam has said in spanish in like, the entire time he’s been at stanford. 

[falcqns]

To Be So Lonely

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader, Sebastian Stan x Reader

Summary: Henry has a crush on you, but you’re dating someone else, and he broods about it. he confronts you about it and ruins his career.

Warnings: swearing, threats, henry is a mega asshole in this and ruins his career, dont know where this idea came from lol

A/N: Bratty!Henry makes a comeback as requested! Hope you enjoy!

Don't blame me for falling

I was just a little boy

Don't blame the drunk calling

Wasn't ready for it all

Henry had been a fan of yours for a while. You had appeared in a few movies and TV shows, and he watched them almost religiously. You hadn’t been acting as long as him, but he firmly believed that you were way better at it than him, He had auditioned for a few of the same projects as you, but he never got the role, for one reason or another. He very vividly remembers watching the Mockingbird movie that you were in, and the feelings of jealousy he got as he watched you kiss your co star, Sebastian Stan. He almost wanted to hate Sebastian, but he had done nothing to him, so he couldn’t. Other than kiss the girl that Henry wanted for himself.

Then, one day, Anya and Freya busted into his trailer with huge smiles on their faces.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, petting Kal, and smirking at his friends. They locked eyes with each other and giggled before Freya told him what was going on.

“Y/N got a part on the show!” She squealed, and Henry felt warmth blossom in his chest in hope.

“Shut up. You’re joking!” He said, standing up, a huge smile spreading on his face. “When does she start?”

“Tomorrow!” Anya squealed, and Henry’s smile grew even bigger. He couldn’t wait.

You can't blame me, darling

Not even a little bit

I was away

And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch

Who can't admit when he's sorry

Henry was practically shaking with excitement when he woke up the next morning. He wanted nothing more than to rush to set to meet you, but he needed to go for a run, eat, and get himself and Kal ready before he could do that.

40 minutes later, he was ready and was practically speeding to set with Kal in the passenger seat of his car. Kal had his head out the window, his mouth open, biting at the wind. Henry glanced over at him and chuckled. His stomach was feeling the same way.

He arrived moments later, and looked around the parking lot for your vehicle. He didn’t know what type of car your drive, but he noticed a black Dodge Ram 1500 that he hadn’t seen before today, so he had to assume that was yours. His eyes were darting everywhere, looking for you, while walking to his trailer. He dropped Kal off in his trailer, and filled up his food and water bowl before he left for the makeup trailer.

He walked out of his trailer, and that’s when he saw you. You were standing outside your trailer, which was opposite of his. Your hair and makeup was done, and you were talking on the phone. Suddenly, he was feeling very nervous, as you hung up the phone and your eyes landed on him. You waved at him, and the butterflies in his stomach grew as he walked over to meet you.

“Hi!” You said.

“Hi! I’ve been wanting to meet you for so long,” HEnry said as he gazed into your E/C eyes. You blushed and he opened his arms for a hug, which you willingly gave.

“Me too!” You said, and the two of you continued talking until your phone rang again. Henry glanced down briefly and his heart dropped into his stomach at what he saw. It was a picture of you and Sebastian kissing, and there was a heart next to Seb’s name.

“Sorry, that’s my boyfriend, but I’ll talk to you on set, okay?” You said, and Henry nodded with a smile, an attempt to cover what he was truly feeling.

“Of course.” You nodded, and walked away with the phone held up to your ear.

“Hey, baby...” You said into the phone, not noticing how Henry turned his back, and walked towards his trailer.

Don't call me baby again

You got your reasons

I know that you're tryna be friends

I know you mean it

Don't call me baby again

It's hard for me to go home

Be so lonely

Henry managed to hide the hurt he was feeling for a few days, but Anya and Freya first noticed something was wrong when Henry walked away from the three of you while you were telling them how Sebastian was trying to impress you once, and ended up falling down his trailer steps. Henry had made it to his trailer before breaking down. Kal bounded over to him, and pressed his body against his legs. Henry sunk to the floor, and let Kal rest his head on his shoulder. He let out a whine at Henry’s crying, and henry calmed down. He didn’t want to upset the one thing that makes him insanely happy. It was you, but you were taken. he couldn’t think about you liked that anymore, no matter how much he wanted to.

Anya came into his trailer a few minutes later, and sat next to him, her hand resting on his arm.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, and Henry lifted his head to look at Anya. “I like her. So much. But, she’s out there dating that asshole.”

Anya let out a laugh, and Henry looked at her in confusion. “What?”

“Sebastian isn’t an asshole. Just because he got her before you did, you’re going to make him look like the bad guy in this situation? First of all, there is no bad guy in the situation. She’s happy with him. He’s happy with her. If you’d sit and listen to the way she talks about him, you’d understand that. He has done things for her that I’ve never heard of anyone doing for their significant others, especially those who dont care about said significant others. When they were filming together, she really missed her best friend, so he flew her out for her birthday, and paid for them to spend the weekend at Disney World together. He’s a really nice guy, but you’re going to sit here and brood simply because he met her first. Dont blame him, and dont you dare blame her.” Anya said, before giving Kal a pet, and walking out of the trailer.

Henry glared at the wall opposite him for a few minutes, before pulling his phone out and going to instagram. He looked at his notifications, and scoffed in annoyance when he saw that Sebastian followed him. Without thinking, he clicked on the three dots, and blocked him.

You might be taken, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have to be okay with it. He stood up, wiped his eyes, and headed back to set. He made a point to keep his eyes glued to his phone so he didn’t have to talk to you.

He shouldn’t be blaming you for this, but the jealous side of him told him to, since he couldn’t blame Sebastian.

I just hope you see me in a little better light

Do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?

'Cause I miss the shape of your lips

You'll win, it's just a trick

And this is it, so I'm sorry

You noticed Henry’s demeanour towards you go down over the course of your first week, and you were scouring your brain to figure out why while on FaceTime with Sebastian.

“I don’t know what I did to him. He barely speaks to me, he refuses to be alone with me, and if I even mention something about Marvel or our movie, he scoffs, and makes snide little remarks. He seemed like such a nice a person, and i dont know what happened.” You explained to Sebastian, while playing with your fingers.

“I don’t know, either love. I did notice that he blocked me though. I tried to follow him earlier in the week, and now I can’t even find his account, so I think he blocked me. I don’t think it has anything to do with you,” He said, giving you a sincere smile, that was full of love. You smiled at the sight of his steel blue eyes.

“Why would he hate you though? You’ve never met, and I thought he was a Marvel fan. Anya told me he was, and that he went to see Mockingbird in theatres. It doesn’t make sense.” You said. You watched as something washed over Sebastians face, and he ran his fingers through his hair.

“He might like you. I never even thought about that. He’s friends with Chris, I’ll find out for sure,” Seb said, picking up his phone and typing out a message to Chris.

“You think he like me?” You questioned, and Sebastian nodded. “Yeah, i think he does. I mean, he follows you on all your socials, comments on all your posts, he went and saw a Marvel movie by himself, and I’ve heard from a few people he’s been wanting to work with you for a while, but scheduling always got in the way. To me, its the only logical explanation right now.” He said, and you saw his face fall a little.

You smiled. “Baby, look at me,” His head lifted. “You know, even if this is true, I would never leave you, right?” He nodded.

“I know. It’s just- he’s played Superman. An actual superhero. I play a troubled 100 year old with a metal arm that he got through a debt owed to Steve by T’Challa. He’s played so many more influential roles in his career, and I haven’t even gotten the lead in a ‘superhero’ movie, I’m only a side character. And, I know you had a crush on him at one point. Plus, look at the dude! He looks like a Greek God. I don’t want to lose you.” Sebastian admitted.

You giggled slightly. “Baby, I don’t care about that. I care about you. Did you know that before I started on the Mockingbird set, I was terrified to work with you? I had the biggest crush on you, and I was terrified you wouldn’t like me back, but I was proven wrong instantly, when you came up to me and gave me the biggest hug, and told me if I needed anything, you were there for me. You waited for me on set so you could walk me to my car, even on days where you got to go before I did. You visited me when I was sick, and asked to hang out on our days off. You did that. He didn’t. I love you, not him, dragă.” You said, and he smiled. He locked eyes with you through the screen, and you saw tears welling up in his eyes.

“Te iubesc atat de mult,” He said in Romanian.

“Si eu te iubesc foarte mult.” You responded. “I’ll see you when your plane lands tomorrow, okay? It’s getting pretty late there, and your flights in a few hours.”

You and Seb said good night, and hung up. As you laid in bed a few minutes later, you thought to yourself. “Did Henry really like you, or was that just Seb’s jealousy?” You decided to confront Henry in the morning.

Don't call me baby again

You got your reasons

I know that you're tryna be friends

I know you mean it

Don't call me baby again

It's hard for me to go home

Be so lonely

You arrived at the door of Henry’s trailer less that 12 hours later, and you didn’t bother knocking. The thought of bringing Seb on set when Henry had a problem with him didn’t sit right with you, and you needed to figure out what the fuck was going on.

You walked in, and saw Henry putting food and water in Kal’s bowls. He looked up at you before returning to what he was doing.

“What’s your problem with Sebastian?” You demanded, and to your anger, you got a scoff in return.

“Who says I have a problem with him?” He said, refusing to even look at you. You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket but you ignored it for the moment.

“Seb! You blocked him on Instagram when he followed you. You roll your eyes whenever I talk about him, and get all pissed when he calls me. He’s done NOTHING to you! So what is your problem with him?” You demanded, and he finally turned around to look a you.

“He calls and texts you constantly! He always has to be talking to you. You’re here to do a job, not sit around and text your little boyfriend.” He said, and you laughed.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! I do my job perfectly well, and if you’d open your fucking eyes for two seconds, you’d see that I text him first! I tell him when I’m doing a scene, and when I’m not so he knows he can call me! Being in a long distance relationship is hard, and I’m trying to make it easier on him and I. And you say I’m here to do a job. Right now, I cant think of a SINGLE reason why I even took this job in the first place! Oh wait, I TOOK IT BECAUSE I WANTED TO WORK WITH YOU! Did you know I had an offer from Tom Cruise for The Mummy sequel and I turned it down because I wanted to work with you? I could be in Egypt right now, in shorts and a t shirt with Tom Cruise and Annabelle Wallis, my favourite actress, rather than in dreary fucking England, doing a show with you where you treat me worse than the horse shit that Zeus leaves in his path!” You screamed at him. His face became red, and he retaliated.

“FINE, YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I HATE HIM? BECAUSE HE HAD YOU FIRST! I’VE BEEN TRYING TO WORK WITH YOU FOR YEARS, BECAUSE I HAVE HAD THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON YOU, SINCE YOU APPEARED IN MURDOCH MYSTERIES! I WAS SO EXCITED TO BE ABLE TO WORK WITH YOU, AND I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU OUT, BUT YOU JUST HAD TO GO AND SLEEP WITH THE FIRST A LIST ACTOR YOU COULD GET YOUR HANDS ON WHO PROBABLY DOESN’T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT YOU! YOU DON’T WANNA BE HERE? LEAVE! I’M SURE TOM WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU! HE PROBABLY WROTE THAT PART SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU, BECAUSE WHY WOUDN’T HE? YOU SEEM TO GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT SO WHY DON’T YOU JUST TAKE IT, AND GET OUT OF ENGLAND BEFORE YOU BREAK MY HEART EVEN MORE!” He screamed.

You blinked back tears, and swallowed the lump in your throat before answering. “You don’t get to hate him because he got me before you did. That’s cruel and wrong. And I didn’t sleep with the ‘first A List celebrity i could get my hands on’. I slept with him because I love him, and he loves me. And you’re right,” You felt the tears spill over, and you did nothing to stop them. “I’m sure Tom will be happy to have me, because I quit. I cannot work with you. You are not the person I thought you were at all.” Your turned to walk out the door.

“And to think that I used to have a crush on you too,” You remarked before letting the trailer door slam.

And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch

Who can't admit when he's sorry

You ran down the stairs and was immediately embraced by Sebastian, who had just arrived on set when he heard your and Henry’s screaming match.

“It’s okay,” He whispered into your ear, as you started sobbing. At that precise moment, Henry walked out of his trailer and opened his mouth to speak. Sebastian held up his hand before he could.

“I think you’ve done enough damage, Cavill. I’m not going to allow you to hurt her anymore. I can’t believe, that you, out of all people, would treat her like this simply because she’s dating someone else. You may play Superman, but you definitely don’t deserve it.” He remarked, and led out away. But, Henry being Henry, decided to snark back.

“You’re one to talk. You play a 106 year old Hydra assassin who somehow managed to convince everyone around him that his a good guy. You’re no worse than I am buddy.”

“Go to your trailer, I’ll see you in a second.” You nodded and headed in. While he dealt with Henry, you called Tom to let him know you could take the role after all.

“I don’t know why you think that you can treat my girlfriend like that, but it’s not okay. You should have seen the amount of research she did for this role! She read every single book, and played every single game in preparation for this role. She was so excited, and turned down the chance to work with her favourite actress to work with you. Not many people would do that. I also dont know what I did to warrant you absolutely hating my guts, other than dating her. I’ve done nothing to you, and even if I did, that doesn’t mean you can treat my girlfriend like shit for it. I’d watch your fucking back, because unlike you, she’s a Marvel actor. The majority of her friends are Marvel too, so don’t be surprised if you get a few nasty messages from certain Avengers, because I will not withhold this information.”

Sebastian walked in to your trailer and found you on the phone to Lauren, apologizing. You hung up a few seconds later and turned to Sebastian.

“She mad at you?” Sebastian asked, and you shook your head.

“No. She understands. She says that she’s sorry that he acted that way, and that she’ll be talking to him. I called Tom and I have the role. I fly to Egypt in two months.” You said, packing up your things. Seb nodded, and moved from where he was to help you.

You took off your costume, and took your hair out. Sebastian took your duffel bag with all your things, and the two of you headed out. Thankfully, you didn’t see Anya of Freya, you weren’t in the right space mentally to explain what happened. All you wanted to do right now was get as far away from Henry as possible.

Don't call me baby again

You got your reasons

I know that you're tryna be friends

I know you mean it

Don't call me baby again

It's hard for me to go home

Be so lonely

Henry sat in his car after getting yelled at by Lauren, Anya, Freya, Joey, and the director, staring at the tree just outside his windshield. He let his emotions get the best of him, and now filming was suspended until they could find a replacement for you. No one was mad at you, no one blamed you. Not even him. He’s the one that fucked up, he’s the one paying the price.

He dug his phone out of his bag, and wasn’t surprised in the slightest when he had a whole bunch of unread messages. He filtered through all the threats that your Marvel friends had sent them.

Chris: you are unbelievable. i cannot believe you treated her like that. my first impression of you being a complete and utter dickhead was true. i can’t believe i was ever friends with you.

Anthony Mackie: for Superman, you’ve done some serious damage. and that’s saying something. i’d be amazed if this didn’t ruin your career completely. you dont get to sit there all high and mighty simply because you’re ‘heart broken.’ none of us are going to keep this quiet.

Scarlett Johansson: count your days cavill. never thought you’d be the type to make a girl cry.

Elizabeth Olsen: congrats on ruining your career. if you even come near Y/N again, we’ll do much worse than ruin your career. believe me.

He threw his head back against the seat. They wouldn’t take it to social media, would they? He thought as he clicked on his instagram app.

The first thing he saw was a post from Robert Downey Jr explaining what had happened.

He’d fucked up bad, and there was nothing he could do to fix it.

To be so lonely, to be so

To be so lonely

To be so lonely, to be so

To be so lonely

[notsickqueen]

im just going to say this cuz im fucking tired, it is not good romanticize a stunt, a beard or whatever u want to call it. When u say, "look at them", "they were so cute", "he really liked her" or "if larry is not real I prefer Brianna or Danielle", are u listening to what are u saying? Because is sound so stupid, just because there are two or three pics where they look happy or cute or like they look in love DOESNT MEAN THAT THEY ARE IN LOVE, for example; in a party I kiss and talk and im friendly with all the people because the situation, I huge strangers, I took their hands, Im also loving, and that doesnt mean that Im in love.

What the hell is this?

Omg they look like that because in front of them THERE WAS A CAMERA, they have to look like that, if you search and watch all the videos u will understand that everything was planned. For months they went to clubs every night and every nigth they were paparazzed, and as Niall said "if u dont want to be paparazzed, u wont be", they allowed this. (Anyways the first and the third photo are edited so dont be fooled)

Even if lounielle were cute, saying that u prefer that if larry is not true is so disrecpectfull, danielle said a lot of times that she regretted, when there werent cameras their happiness was fading, didnt u see the pics where she had to take out her bra and she was so uncomfortable? if they were in love it was a toxic love because when all ended she wasnt there for the worst moments of Lou's life, but she went out every night to parties and there are a lot of articles and photos about that time, if u really loved someone, u support her/him even if u are not with her/him anymore.

"U cant say that brianna was stunt" I CAN FUCKING SAY WHAT I WANT JUST LEAVE ME, im not like you that just for three happy photos in a club with 80 cameras in front of them I will think that was not a stunt. And for me is a little bit disrespectfull talk about that time because the things were so strange and I didnt see louis being happy when he was with her without cameras so dont tell me tht they were cute when I know the horrible things tht happened.

"Im larry but I really like lounielle" what are u saying??? U like a false relationship that was created to hide a real relationship, do u like that? They HAVE TO look cute, they HAVE TO film videos being so in love, they HAVE TO act like a real couple because homophobic people, do u think that this is easy? that louis wants this shit? That harry wants this shit? They paid her to work of this and she admited.

Lets go with kendall, like a lot of people think that in that time they broke up, they think H fell in love with her. In my opinion, any real relationship prepared a whole story about being hacked just for show some pictures in a private lake or sea whatever that place was, they could simply tell us by an article, by a post on instagram but no, they were "hacked" and then we have their cute pictures in a jate that casually in the part they were was an space to be paparazzed and a worker of publicity confirm it to us by saying that the famous who want to be paparazzed goes exactly to that part of the jate so the cameras can catch them because paps cant be near to the jate, they have to be hired. Again, THEY HAVE TO LOOK CUTE FOR THE CAMERAS, years of this and u still not understand it?

I dont know how people still believing hamille was real, didnt u see the videos of Harry singing to louis at vip box in his concerts? And yesss im affirming it because nobody else was there, Louis was there. Harry didnt sing still the one to him for u to believe he was in love with camille, they need a narrative so people now can say he wrote his album for her, they needed a story.

Cherry=stunt song

(doesnt mean that is not beautiful)

If u have a "guilty shipp" is bad, and that is not my opinion, is a true concept, u cant have a guilty shipp because they look cute when they are hiding a real relationship, im talking about lounielle, it wasnt love, it was a CONTRACT, understand it.

For the twitters ones: if u are reading this, please dont bring again lounielle, hamille, hendall, brianna pics again, there werent good times, there was a horrible contract.

Im not saying this because im a larrie, im saying this because of harry and louis, do u think it was easy for them to hide their relationship? It wasnt and is not. I dont want to make u feel guilty just please try not to do these things again.

Thanks for reading me.

---------------------------------------------------

Voy a decir esto porque estoy muy cansada, no esta bueno romantizar stunts, barbas o como quieras llamarlo. Cuando dices "miralos", "se ven muy tiernos", "a el realmente le gustaba", "si larry no es real prefiero a danielle o brianna", estas escuchando lo que estas diciendo? Porque suena muy estupido, solo porque hayan dos o tres fotos donde lucen tiernos, felices o que estan enamorados NO SIGNIFICA QUE REALMENTE LO ESTEN. Por ejemplo, en una fiesta, yo me beso, yo me hablo, soy amistosa y tierna con todos por la situacion en la que estoy, me abrazo con extraños, les tomo la mano y soy amorosa con ellos y eso no significa que este enamorada.

Que mierda es esto?

Omg ellos lucen asi porque HAY UNA CAMARA AL FRENTE DE ELLOS, ellos tienen que lucir asi, si buscas y ves todos los videos vas a entender que todo estaba planeado. Todas las noches salian y todas las noches eran fotografiados, como niall dijo "si no quieres ser fotografiado, no lo eres", ellos lo permitieron. (De todas formas la primera y tercera foto estan editadas asi que no sean engañados).

Incluso si lounielle lucian tiernos, diciendo que preferirias a ellos si larry no es real, es irrespetuoso, danielle muchas veces dijo que se arrepentia, cuando no habia camaras su felicidad se esfumaba, no viste las fotos donde ella tuvo que sacarse el corpiño y ella estaba muy incomoda? Si ellos estaban enamorados fue un amor toxico porque cuando todo termino ella no estuvo en los peores momentos de louis, pero ella salia todas las noches, y hay articulos y fotos sobre esa epoca, si de verdad amaste a alguien estas para apoyarlo/a incluso cuando terminaste con el/ella.

"No puedes decie que brianna fue stunt" PUEDO DECIR LO QUE YO QUIERA SOLO DEJAME, no soy como vos que por tres fotos en un club con 80 camaras al frente de ellos no voy a pensar que fue stunt. Y es un poco irrespetuoso hablar de esa epoca cuando todas las cosas fueron raras y louis no se veia feliz con ella sin camaras, y no me digas que ellos lucian tiernos cuando se las cosas horribles que pasaron.

"Soy larrie pero me gusta lounielle" que estas diciendo? Te gusta una relacion falsa que fue creada para ocultar una relacion verdadera. Te gusta eso? Ellos TENIAN que lucir tiernos, TENIAN que grabar videos estando "enamorados", TENIAN que actuar como una pareja real por las personas homofobicas, piensas que fue facil? Que louis queria esa mierda? Que harry queria esa mierda? Le pagaron a ella para que trabaje de esto y ella lo admitio.

Vamos con kendall, como la gente cree que ellos cortaron para esa fecha, piensan que harry se enamoro de ella. En mi opinion, ninguna relacion de verdad crea una historia donde son hackeados para mostrarnos unas fotos en un jate en un lago o mar lo que sea ese lugar, simplemente pudieron darnos la noticia por un articulo, un post en instagram, pero no, fueron "hackeados" asi nos mostraron sus fotos tan tiernas en el jate que casuamente estaban en un lugar para ser fotografiados y un trabajador de publicismo nos lo confirmo diciendo que si los famosos quieren ser vistos tienen que ir hacia ese lugar asi las camaras pueden captarlos porque no pueden acercarse los paps, tienen que ser contratados. De nuevo, ELLOS TIENEN QUE LUCIR TIERNOS, tantos años de esto y todavia no lo entiendes?

Todavia no entiendo a la gente que sigue diciendo que hamille fue real, no viste cuando harry le canto a louis en la vip box? Y si lo estoy confirmando porque nadie mas estaba alli, louis si. Harry no canto still the one a louis para que creas que estaba enamorado de camille, ellos crearon la narrativa asi podian decir que le escribio un album a ella, ellos necesitaban la historia.

Cherry=stunt song.

(Eso no quita que sea hermosa)

Si tienes un "shipp culposo" esta mal, y no es mi opinion, es un concepto real, no podes tener un shipp culposo porque lucen lindos cuando estan ocultando una relacion de verdad, estoy hablando de lounielle, no era amor, ERA UN CONTRATO, entiendan.

Para las de twitter: si estas leyendo esto por favor, no traigas a lounielle, hamille, hendall, brianna, de vuelta, no fueron buenos momentos, fue un horrible contrato.

No estoy diciendo esto porque soy larrie, estoy diciendolo por harry y louis, piensas que fue facil ocultar su relacion? No lo fue y no lo es. No estoy tratando de hacerte sentir culpable solo no lo hagas de vuelta y listo.

Gracias por leerme

#larry #stunt #beards #brianna

[mistbornthief]

@andrastes tagged me to see what nine songs ive been listening to a lot lately, hell yeah. i dont have tumblr on my phone so please forgive me doing it wrong and not posting screenshots, but I will add commentary to make up for it (and because i want to)

“Wasted Nights” by One Ok Rock (probably the greatest song ever?)

“The Bitch is Back” but like the Rocketman version

“Eye of the Storm” by One Ok Rock

“Enemies” by The Score

“Mighty Long Fall” by One Ok Rock (new favorite band tbh)

“Livin La Vida Loca” by Ricky Martin (don’t ask)

“Saturday Night’s Alright (For Fighting)” also the Rocketman version taron egerton’s voice is sexy dont @ me

“It’s Raining Men” by The Weather Girls (my best song on just dance just fyi)

“Ship To Wreck” by Florence and The Machine

- also bonus song because i cant do math anymore apparently and didnt have the heart to take one out -

“HIGHER GROUND” by Exile Tribe (its just. its such a banger. the high & low movies are so much fun)

hmm tagging @ryanmilkcartan for reasons that require a level ten clearance to be de-classified. also @amelia-inthesky for funsies

[all-hail-the-witcher]

jaskier’s breakup album

alright full disclosure i probably went into way more detail than i needed to. but jaskiers a dramatic little shit and therefore so am i. but this album slowly became my baby and I've been listening to it for the last 2 weeks while I've been doing homework and its a good sad bop. these are just my opinions, but i think it would be cool to see what other people think (esp because im fairly new to this fandom). also this post is really long. sorry about that. 

so. we all know jaskier is a bard. he traipses around writing songs about whatever fling he's having or about his witcher. netflix canon makes it pretty clear that geralt is one of jaskiers muses (and probably one of his more reliable ones given what we know about jaskiers dating history). jaskier is also very, very dramatic (as I'm sure everyone knows cause he's the damn comic relief that show desperately needs). in particular though the scene at the beginning of 1x05 where geralt is djinn hunting and jaskier stumbles upon him, drunk, singing off key, and rambles about how "the countess de stael, my muse and beauty of this world, has left me. again. rather coldly and unexpectedly, i might add. i fear i shall die a broken hearted man” and jaskier is clearly half muttering some sad attempt at a breakup song he's trying to write at the beginning of the episode so the question is, wouldn't he do the same thing post mountain scream down with geralt?

the answer is of course, yes he would because jaskier is nothing if not a dramatic little shit. and i am proposing that he writes not only one but an entire album (or set if this is canon era, but if this is canon i think he would keep a great many of these songs to himself, only playing a few select ones with the hopes that someday geralt will hear one and realize how badly he fucked up) of break songs and lamentations about geralt, because say all you want about what their relationship is, but one does not simply go traipsing around the entire continent with someone for 20 years and not grow close to them in some way shape or form (and the show makes it clear that geralt is at least one of jaskiers close friends so). now what is on this breakup album? well I'm glad you asked.

i peg jaskiers music (modern or canon honestly) for this album as being a combination of taylor swift’s folklore/evermore albums and james arthur and ill explain why. 

taylor swifts folklore/evermore albums have this almost ethereal, floaty, reminiscent, indie vibes. there are many metaphors, recurring themes and its overall kinda dramatic at points which i feel is exactly what jaskier would be doing right now (it also just kinda gives me canon era vibes, idk). but james arthurs music is much more emotionally intense which i think is definitely in character for jaskier at this point because he strikes me as someone who copes with things through his music. both artists do the sings through story telling in an almost monologue manner which goes along with that kinda bardic music and all that. i also think that jaskier would want geralt to know that these songs are about him because hes dramatic like that (kinda like how taylor swift writes her stuff). anyway here's what i think would be on his breakup album: 

heres a link to the playlist

1. the lakes - taylor swift 2. from me to you i hate everybody - james arthur 3. maybe - james arthur 4. sad eyes - james arthur 5. hoax - taylor swift 6. naked - james arthur 7. right where you left me - taylor swift 8. all too well - taylor swift 9. impossible - james arthur 10. exile - taylor swift 11. illicit affairs -taylor swift 12. safe inside - james arthur 13. quite miss home -james arthur 14. my tears ricochet  -taylor swift 15. phoenix - james arthur 16. this is me trying - taylor swift  17. happiness - taylor swift 18. death by a thousand cuts - taylor swift 19. empty space - james arthur 20. coney island - taylor swift 21. new years day - taylor swift 22. the 1 -taylow swift

so theres 22 songs which im sure jaskier would do on purpose cause hes a dramatic little shit ( “one song for every year i wasted on you” or something of that sort). jaskier being a dramatic little shit is going to be a recurring theme. some of them work better for modern era than canon era but as a whole this can be interpreted as either romantic or platonic. anyway lets unpack. 

1. the lakes by taylor swift (more canon era interpretation)

this song is the bonus and final track off of folklore. the song is actually about how she wants to go live in seclusion with her boyfriend out of the public eye but that is not what it means in this interpretation. i think that this song is about how jaskier feels as though his career as a bard is tainted now because he spent so many years singing geralts praises and there is no way he will be able to escape that part of his life because undoubtedly hes going to get requests for toss a coin and others he wrote about geralt and people will probably know him as “the witchers bard”. so this song is him talking about how he wants to run away and live out his life in seclusion because geralt took from him one of the only happinesses in his life. 

Take me to the lakes, where all the poets went to die I don't belong, and my beloved, neither do you Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry I'm settin' off, but not without my muse 

the line “i dont belong and my beloved neither do you” references the fact that jaskier feels like an outcast now that he’s spent years traveling around with a witcher, notoriously outcasts from society, so he feels that he doesnt belong anymore either.

I want auroras and sad prose I want to watch wisteria grow Right over my bare feet 'Cause I haven't moved in years And I want you right here

the second stanza references his idealization of living out his life in solitude, with nature, where no one can judge him (and geralt cant yell at him). 

jasper would have started this album with that song because it states his intentions: he feels as though he’s done with singing. it could also refer to him leaving the public eye (in modern era) to write this album.

2. from me to you i hate everybody by james arthur (more canon era interpretation) 

songs 2-4 on jaskiers album are ones that he wrote at various points while he and geralt were still together/best friends/etc. these three songs establish what the relationship was like before everything went downhill, but they are kind of melancholy, like looking back on a past love (which is what jaskier is doing). this one jaskier wrote about when they met. geralt would have heard him play it before and he would have known that this song was about him (he probably also secretly liked it and jaskier putting it on his album would have been like a slap in the face because it wasn't one that he had shared with other people, thinking it to be too personal). if this album had been released in modern era, jaskier would have released this song as a single to get geralts attention. he would have definitely wanted geralt to know that this album was about him. 

I used to come here on my own and drink So I didn't have to think or hear the whispering I stand with people telling lies again In suits and ties again and I just need a friend

they meet in the tavern and its clear that jaskier is Not having a good time and really just needs a friend, hence why he decides to go talk to geralt.

You walked into the room and cut the atmosphere like a knife, alright Sobering mind 'cause up to now, I've just been wasting my time, ooh yeah

the “wasting my time” part is of particular interest because it clearly articulates that jaskier feels as though adventuring around with geralt was the best part of his life and before that he'd just been a bard with debatable songs. the song as a whole makes it sound like geralt was jaskiers lifeline.

3. maybe by james arthur (modern or canon era works)

this song, while geralt would know immediately it was about him, was not one jaskier ever shared with geralt. it would have been written a few years after he and geralt had met initially. the reason that jaskier never shared it was because it talks about destiny and geralt made it Very Clear that he does not want to fuck with destiny.

I don't know what's going on Where you came from and why you took so long All I know is that I feel it Like it's the realest thing, I mean it Something changed when I saw you Oh, my eyes can't lie You said, "They're so damn blue And I love how you're so forward Is it too soon to say I'm falling?"

this would have been what young jaskier felt over the course of a few years after traveling around (or befriending if this is modern). There was probably a slip up somewhere, or jaskier just thought that he got really good at interpreting geralts grunts and the line about the eyes is what he hoped/imagined/thought geralt was saying to him in return. 

So maybe Maybe we were always meant to meet Like this was somehow destiny Like you already know Your heart will never be broken by me So is it crazy For you to tell your friends to go on home? So we can be here all alone Fall in love tonight And spend the rest of our lives as one

jaskier probably thinks that destiny is some wildly romantic thing hence why he compares them meeting to destiny. the line about heart break would have also hit especially hard after the mountain scene. also i think its pretty clear that jaskier wants to spend as much of his life traipsing around with geralt in the show (modern era wouldn't have been any different), hence wanting to spend the rest of his life with geralt. 

Oh, is it too crazy For you to tell your brothers about me? They told me they'll protect you But I'll look them in the eye Tell them you and I will be as one

this is the part that sells it for me. i think that geralt lambert and eskel would all be very close (admittedly i havent read the books but i kinda get that vibe from the fandom so). this part about geralt telling his bothers about jaskier and then jaskier probably meeting them would have been an Important Moment. 

4. sad eyes by james arthur (modern or canon works) 

aright so im not sure if geralt has heard this one before. i can see it going both ways. its a possibility that jaskier wrote it at some point and then would kinda sing it softly when hes patching geralt up after a particularly rough hunt so its one of those where like geralts not quite sure what the song is but then he hears it on this album (cause say this was modern era and jaskier actually did release this album geralt would totally buy it after a few weeks and then realize how badly he'd actually fucked up) and is like shit thats what he was singing all along?? but anyway this one is essentially about how jaskier thinks geralt puts too much pressure on himself and all that stuff

You wear the burden World on your shoulders, babe So let me hold the weight I know you're hurting Deep as the coldest pain But this is the order sayin'

essentially jaskier can see through geralts bs and hes calling him out on it and wants him to just take care of himself for once (see: the scene in 1x05 when geralt says he cant sleep) 

5. hoax by taylor swift (canon or modern works)

so this song begins the plethora of break up songs that jaskier wrote about geralt. this one would have been written some time after the incident, after jaskier has some time to reflect on the whole thing. i know that taylor wrote this  song about enduring a toxic relationship, which kind of works if you think about the way that geralts treated jaskier and how jaskier interpreted it (but im not implying that their relationship was toxic or abusive or anything) 

My best laid plan Your sleight of hand My barren land I am ash from your fire

jaskiers plan was to reinvent geralts image and geralt did not think that it was worth it. jaskier is just sorta his side kick (who gets him into trouble, as geralt points out) and geralt kicks him aside like he doesnt mean anything to him (like ash from a fire

Stood on the cliffside Screaming "Give me a reason" Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in Don't want no other shade of blue But you No other sadness in the world would do

this is a little more literal with the screaming on the cliffside. jaskier wanted a reason to stay and geralt didnt want him to. jaskier knows that witchers dont feel emotions (or at least not like humans do) so hes been tricking himself into believing that geralt actually liked having him around, knowing that it was probably going to blow up in his face at some point. but he doesnt quite regret it, and doesnt want to be sad over anyone else.

6. naked by james arthur (modern or canon works)

this kind of goes along with hoax, jaskier probably wrote them around the same time. he’s admitting in this song that he would be willing to try to work it out with geralt, but geralt needs to change first (needs to actually communicate and let him in and all that stuff). 

'Cause here I am, I'm givin' all I can But all you ever do is mess it up Yeah, I'm right here, I'm tryin' to make it clear That getting half of you just ain't enough

hes quoting geralts words back at him here ( “all you ever do is mess it up” is pretty similar to the line about shoveling shit), saying that all hes ever tried to do is be good and kind to geralt, but geralt hasn't really done the same in return and while jaskier may have dragged him into some things, geralt also needs to take responsibility for what hes done as well. 

7. right where you left me (modern or canon works)

this starts the Real Sad Boy Hours songs. this would refer to how he felt pretty much right after, not knowing what to do because geralt had been so much a part of his life for so long: 

Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light They say, "What a sad sight" I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop Right when I felt the moment stop Glass shattered on the white cloth Everybody moved on, I, I stayed there Dust collected on my pinned-up hair They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared

this is kind of the processing of the event. and also the moment on the album where the audience would realize that this relationship that he's been telling about until now definitely ended. this song isn't super super emotional, its more a jumble of thoughts cause he didnt know what to feel after the breakup happened. although he didnt write it right after the break up, it was written much after as a looking back.

8. all too well by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

(the link to this one is from a live performance because i like the emotion in this one better) so this song is not off of folklore (its off of red) but its such a powerful, painful breakup song that i had to include it in the lineup because it seems like something that jaskier would have written very very soon after the incident. the memories especially that she touches on in the song (driving upstate, dancing in the fridge light, looking at the photo album, etc) are all very powerful and real and i can see jaskier doing the same thing. again, if this were modern era i think that he might release this one as a single. theres so much to unpack in this song, this ones gonna be a little longer oops.

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

this clearly references the mountain scene. they were a pretty good duo until geralt blamed him for all his problems. and jaskier was effectively stuck on the top of a very dangerous mountain that he would have had to navigate down by himself. 

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone

jaskier spent half of his life following geralt around, its likely that he doesnt know what to do with himself or his life now that he doesnt have geralt to follow around on adventures. he doesnt know what to do anymore (see the first song).

But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me You can't get rid of it, 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah

this is more of a hope that jaskier has. he hopes that geralts held onto something of his that he left behind. maybe he left a shirt in one of roaches saddle bags (canon) or a notebook in their apartment (modern) that geralt just cant seem to get rid of. he would like to think that he had an impact on geralts life and that it wasn't just all for nothing. in the beginning, he wants geralt to be just as hurt as he is.

'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

this is a dig at geralt. he'd never had someone to follow him around on adventures before, much less a human. as far as we know it seems like jaskiers the first human that has even given him the time of day. this is jaskiers way of throwing it back in geralts face

9. impossible by james arthur (canon or modern works) 

this would have also been written very soon after the incident. it is more jaskier being mad at himself for not seeing the signs than him being mad at geralt. it is almost like his admittance of the event and like hes finally accepting what happened.

I remember years ago Someone told me I should take Caution when it comes to love, I did And you were strong and I was not My illusion, my mistake I was careless, I forgot, I did

jaskier is someone who clearly falls in love (or at least screws around with people) easily so its likely that someone would have given him some advice along these lines once. but when he met geralt its likely that this caution went to the wind. 

When all is done, there is nothing to say And if you're done with embarrassing me On your own you can go ahead, tell them

Tell them all I know now Shout it from the rooftops Write it on the skyline All we had is gone now Tell them I was happy And my heart is broken All my scars are open Tell them what I hoped would be impossible

this hints at the first song on the album. jaskier has no stomach for singing for audiences asking to hear about the adventures of geralt of rivia. this is his way of telling geralt that, almost as his punishment, he should have to deal with the people who ask why hes not traveling with his bard anymore, because jaskier has no intention of doing so. this is pretty brutal because (as we know) geralt doesnt really enjoy talking about feelings, or talking at all in general.

10. exile by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

this is a fictitious conversation that jaskier wrote as occurring between him and geralt. it can be looked at either way but i think it makes more sense if bon iver is jaskier and taylor is geralt. 

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defendin' now? You were my town Now I'm in exile seein' you out I think I've seen this film before

this first chorus is from jaskiers perspective. note the use of “homeland,” as home becomes a theme on jaskiers album. in geralts version of the chorus the line instead is “youre not my problem anymore” which is probably what jaskier took the whole mountain thing to mean. 

All this time We always walked a very thin line You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) All this time I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind) I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around) 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

(the () in this are geralt) this is jaskiers lamentations about how he didnt notice geralts abject discomfort in their relationship and also his regrets in not being able to remedy the situation. 

11. illicit affairs by taylor swift (modern or canon works) 

so this song is clearly and obviously about an affair. however, i have seen interpretations of the song where people view it as being in a relationship that is  so intense and well hidden that in a sense it is almost like an affair, like in the aftermath you’re not even sure if it was real or you deemed it because there isnt really a trace of this other person anymore, and that is the way i think jaskier would have written this song. 

And you wanna scream Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else

the dont call me kid, dont call me baby part would reference jaskiers humanity, he has a normal human lifespan at least in canon (very much unlike geralt) so geralt might brush him off as being young and stupid. jaskier would have made this album to show geralt that hes not being young and stupid, that this did screw him up, and hes suffering cause of it. kind of like a reality check or a slap in the face.

Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times

the secret language would of course refer to geralt himself. hes a hard man to understand (especially cause half his vocabulary is grunts) and hes also a witcher. so jasper had to learn to understand him and now he has no use for that anymore. and the ending line about ruining myself. that would be jaskiers admittance that he would do it again, he'd do it all again, which comes back up in later songs.

12. safe inside by james arthur (canon era interpretation)

this is one that jaskier would have written maybe a week or so after the incident. the song itself deals with distance and coping with not being in someones life anymore, and i think that that is something that jaskier would struggle to cope with because hes not sure he wants geralt to be alone. this song is more for jaskier than for geralt. 

Everyone has to find their own way And I'm sure things will work out okay I wish that was the truth All we know is the sun will rise Thank your lucky stars that you're alive It's a beautiful life

obviously geralt can take care of himself, but its kinda clear that he doesnt much like his life as a witcher (the part where he talks about them getting slow and killed). so this is kind of jaskiers way of almost reminding geralt that his life on the path is still beautiful and important now that he back by himself. 

Oh, will you call me to tell me you're alright? 'Cause I worry about you the whole night Don't repeat my mistakes, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside If you're home I just hope that you're sober Is it time to let go now you're older? Don't leave me this way, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside

this is more jaskier worrying about geralt being by himself. he hopes that hes okay in the aftermath of this this and that hes taking care of himself still. because of course jaskier would write a whole breakup album but still write one song about how he hopes the person is doing well.

13. quite miss home by james arthur (modern era interpretation)

this song. oh my god. its so amazing. if you dont listen to any of these, at least listen to this one (actually im pretty sure no ones read to this point so if you have thanks). this song is kind of more along the same vein as the previous one, how jaskier misses geralt but its more for him than geralt. he would have probably written it at like 3am in a fit of tears and weakness, and debated long and hard about whether or not to put it on the album, but done it anyway because what does he have to lose? theres a lot to unpack here tho so this is going to be a longer one. (sorry)

I'm in the kitchen while you smoke outside You're careful not to let the smoke inside I always tell you it's poison But I know it helps you take the edge off the day We get a drink before it's closing time The one on high street with the blinking sign All these memories feel poignant I won't be there to see the snow melt away

this is a very very clear picture of an event that seems to have happened a great many times, so much so that it seems like second nature. its like a little glimpse into what their life was before this incident. its intimate, but it still is melancholy.

Whoa I'm in another city I got nobody with me And it just really hit me

this is where jaskier is now, it provides some opposition. its like a culture shock almost, like hes so used to this intimate lifestyle with another person that its jarring to be by himself.

That I quite miss home And I miss you telling me To leave my shoes at the door 'Cause you just swept the floor And the dirt drives you crazy Yeah, I quite miss home 'Cause it feels like poetry When the rain falls down on the window While you're in my arms And we're watching the TV Yeah, I quite miss home

the key here is what jaskier is referring to as “home.” it's not the place, its geralt himself. all these memories center around him, not an establishment. (calling geralt “home” comes back in later songs.) again, this mosh of memories is like theres so many of them that its almost overwhelming but its stemming from jaskiers need to feel something other than lonely and hes craving this reality that hes lost.

14. my tears ricochet by taylor swift (modern or canon era works)

this is a song that really emphasizes jaskiers dramatic little shit tendencies. this is something that he wrote, trying to predict what geralts reaction would be if he found out that jaskier died. this is really just jaskier fantasizing that geralt didnt actually mean any of what he said and does still care about him. theres many lines in here that are jabs at geralt (if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake? and Even on my worst day Did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me?), but i think this is the most important one:

And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want Just not home And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones And I still talk to you When I'm screaming at the sky And when you can't sleep at night You hear my stolen lullabies

this is again, jaskier referring to geralt as home. as seen in the last song, he clearly wants to go there, but he cant. this could also refer to where he grew up, which he cant go to either because his parents still view him as a disappointment (as seen in finally). jaskier saying he still talks to geralt is completely in character, he probably still curses him and the whole thing. but the part about geralt not being able to sleep at night and hearing his stolen lullabies is really hard hitting. jaskier likes to think that geralt wouldn't be able to sleep without his banter or his lute playing or something of that nature. over all its a very powerful song.

15. phoenix by james arthur (modern or canon works) 

this is a fictitious apology that jaskier wrote from geralts pov, kind of what he wished that geralt would say, but knows that he won't. 

Let me, let me begin Let me begin, with an I.O.U Who I owe everything to Lately, lately my friend Lately, you think I'm ignoring you But I've been trying to pull through All of the pain, I know you're looking down, down on me I could have been someone I hurt everyone Pushed away everyone who got near

in this “geralt” outlines what he did wrong, and that he didnt mea what he said at all. again, this is more for jaskiers benefit because he knows that even if geralt were to apologize to him, it wouldn't be to this extent.

16. this is me trying by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is jaskier trying to articulate the fact that hes trying to pick himself back up after everything, his way of showing his “healing process” and that he can do it, he doesnt need geralt (as the song shows, its not going very well)

And it's hard to be at a party When I feel like an open wound It's hard to be anywhere these days When all I want is you You're a flashback in a film reel On the one screen in my town And I just wanted you to know That this is me trying (maybe I don't quite know what to say) I just wanted you to know That this is me trying

its showing that jaskier is having trouble enjoying things that he once did (like parties) because hes still so distraught over what happened with geralt, but at the same time he also wants to show geralt that he doesnt need him. it has a very i dont care kind of attitude, but jaskier at the same time is having a hard time showing geralt that hes doing okay, hence the “maybe i dont quite know what to say” which is out of character for the very talkative bard

17. happiness by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is more him convincing himself that things will be okay. he's clearly trying at this point to move on, but its proving difficult because geralt was his happiness for so long:

There'll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you Both of these things can be true There is happiness

he also repeats the line “havent me the new me yet” a few times, which i think is again him trying to convince himself that its going to get better and he will move on from it. but this line is the one that i think hurts the most:

No one teaches you what to do When a good man hurts you And you know you hurt him too

this implies that 1. he still thinks geralts a good man (not a monster) and 2. that he knows he hurt him to and doesn't know how to fix either of them. this is also kind of him giving up on how to fix it, but him recognizing they were both at fault is important for the arc of the story.

18. death by a thousand cuts by taylor swift (modern or canon works)

this is another song that is not off of folklore (its from lover), but i wanted to include it because it think it has a little bit of anger to it (especially in this live acoustic version that i linked) which i think that jaskier would feel a few weeks post incident in a fit of rage, like why am i still feeling this way? why did you think that this was okay?? and its right after happiness, which shows that his healing really isn't linear. there's many lines in this song that pertain to geralt and jaskier and i could talk about the whole thing but im not going to

But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?

this i think is very jaskier. its so raw and like, i know this is over, why am i still writing about it? why am i making an album about this? why should this still matter to me? its very angry and again, like many of the songs, like a slap.

My heart, my hips, my body, my love Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch Gave up on me like I was a bad drug Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club Our songs, our films, united, we stand Our country, guess it was a lawless land Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts

this part, especially if you listen to her sing it, (which i would HIGHLY RECOMMEND BTW) is very passive aggressive and the the last line is like quite sarcastic and downplays it, like, yes you put me through all of this, but i guess its *just* a thousand cuts. this really shows that in many ways geralt was a part of jaskiers life, and his sudden removal from it would have stung in many ways, and thats not something that you can get over quickly. 

19. empty space by james arthur (modern or canon era works)

this song starts the beginning of jaskier getting over geralt. these last 4 songs would have been written much after the incident, after hes had time to think, but there's still this nagging in the back of his head thats like, well what if im being stupid and he is the one and im supposed to go back?

I don't see you You're not in every window I look through And I don't miss you You're not in every single thing I do I don't think we're meant to be And you are not the missing piece I won't hear it Whenever anybody says your name And I won't feel it Even when I'm burstin' into flames I don't regret the day I left I don't believe that I was blessed I'm probably lyin' to myself again

this is more what jaskier wants to be, not what he actually is. he thinks that hes over geralt, but hes not (the chorus gets into it more but im not going to talk about it here, but it essentially says “only you can fill this empty space”) clearly jaskier is further along in his healing process, but hes still having second thoughts. he wants to be over him, but he knows hes lying to himself, very deep down. 

20. coney island by taylor swift (more modern era interpretation)

this is the true moving on song. it’s still laced with memories and speculation, but it puts clear distance between the two of them, much more so than empty space does because it lacks the longing. it just shows things for what they are. 

And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island Wondering where did my baby go? The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go Sorry for not making you my centerfold

its apologetic, but nothing more than that. it dwells more on what could have been rather than what he wants it to still be. 

The question pounds my head What's a lifetime of achievement If I pushed you to the edge? But you were too polite to leave me And do you miss the rogue Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

this is interesting because it addresses their immortality and how they've been together for years and also the way in which they left things (paradise). but it also implies that things were on the downfall. and the last two lines about forgiveness is interesting because it then calls geralt “too wise to trust me and too old to care” meaning its more a wish of jaskiers rather than something he knows geralt will do.

Were you waiting at our old spot In the tree line By the gold clock Did I leave you hanging every single day? Were you standing in the hallway With a big cake, happy birthday Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest grey? A universe away And when I got into the accident The sight that flashed before me was your face But when I walked up to the podium, I think that I forgot to say your name

these are all very specific, very intimate moments that would clearly mean something to geralt. and it further implies that jaskier is uncertain if he actually made geralt feel appreciated when they were together. but again, its more what could have been rather than what jaskier wanted it to be, which is a nice segway into the last two songs. 

21. new years day by taylor swift (modern era interpretation)

this is another one not from folklore, this song is the closing track on reputation, but i like the nostalgia of it so i decided to include it (and it also has good parallels to the last song). initially jaskier intended for this to be the last song on the album, but decided to add another one last minute (and we will get into why). this song is more jaskiers muted longing to still be with geralt, albeit in the far future. 

There's glitter on the floor after the party Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor You and me from the night before but Don't read the last page But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away I want your midnights But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

this interpretation is very much like the actual songs interpretation: the desire to stay with someone through the unexciting parts of life, like cleaning up after a party on new years day. additionally, wanting to start something new with someone (being there with them past the midnight kiss and actually starting the first day of the year with them). additionally though, there is the line of “dont read the last page” which refers to the last song on the album, which we will get to. 

Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you And I will hold on to you Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

this is more jaskiers reality. hes torn between holding onto these memories and hopes and actually facing reality. he wants to hold on to geralt, but he also kinda wants to move on. and the last line about the laugh, thats more jaskiers own hope, he hopes that he will come across geralt again and things will work themselves out.

22. the 1 by taylor swift (modern era interpretation)

the decision to make this song the last one on the album was a very last minute decision, and it was written significantly after the rest of the songs. the reason for this was without this last song, the album ends on a note of hope “Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere” but this last song is more of a reality check and acknowledgment that what's done is done and that it will never be again. 

I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit Been saying "Yes" instead of "No" I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though

this refers to the fact that its been some time since the whole thing and jaskiers kind of changed a little bit. he claims hes doing good, and maybe is going to try out a new career (since the first song references wanting to put music down for awhile). seeing geralt at the bus stop is a reference to cardigan where he says “chasing shadows in the grocery line” where hes not actively looking for geralt anymore and it doesnt upset him that he didnt see him.

I guess you never know, never know And if you wanted me, you really should've showed And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow And it's alright now

this is jaskier saying that hes almost glad that it happened because it gave him a new perspective and it was a learning experience. he also says that its alright, which is the second time that hes said hes okay, which probably means he isnt completely, but hes much closer than he was on the rest of the album because hes not still looking for geralt at every turn

I have this dream you're doing cool shit Having adventures on your own You meet some woman on the Internet and take her home We never painted by the numbers, baby But we were making it count You know the greatest loves of all time are over now I guess you never know, never know And it's another day, waking up alone

this is jaskier acknowledging the fact that geralt has probably long since moved on with his life, either with other romantic people or with his life entirely (the first time he does this on the album). he says that while their love or friendship was unconventional it still was definitely something (implying that it may have been one of the greatest loves of his life). and the waking up alone part references quite miss home and being by himself, but it isnt sad, its just a fact at this point.

But we were something, don't you think so? Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool And if my wishes came true It would've been you In my defense, I have none For never leaving well enough alone But it would've been fun If you would've been the one

this is the part where we see that jaskier has grown. hes recognized that his wanting to be with geralt was never anything more than a fleeting wish or a moment that couldn't last. but he knows that it had potential and it could have worked but it didnt and thats okay. in the last chorus the pennies line is “rosé flowing with your chosen family” which implies that he and geralt were close enough to know each others family (chosen or real), meaning that it meant something. and he wouldn't have minded a long term relationship with geralt, but its not what happened.

in new years day jaskier says “dont read the last page” this song is that last page. part of him still doesnt want geralt to know that hes put aside the hope of it working because he wants to still keep himself open for geralt, but knows that  its not healthy and ultimately he needs to move on. hes essentially giving geralt the choice: remember jaskier as wanting to get back with him (since the last line of the album would have been “please dont ever become a stranger who's laugh i could recognize anywhere” or let him have the knowledge that jaskier is done with him (since the official last line of the album is “but it would have been fun if you would've been the one”)

anyway thats jaskiers breakup album. i put way too much effort into this. and if you actually read through the whole thing, thank you and please let me know what you think!! if you use this for fics or have your own interpretations please please tag me, id love to see!!

[rcvishing]

post 3-5 songs that remind you of your muse. repost, don’t reblog.

Ce qui la vie a fait de moi — Zaho

Tel est mon sort / J'ai payé pour vos torts  / Pourrais-je un jour pardonner / Et malgré vos remords / Les silences que j'ignore / Devrais-je un jour oublier / Je veux croire / À tous vos regard / À l'amour / Juste un peu d'amour / J'ai laissé au fil du temps mourir mon innocence / S'enfuir les souvenirs de mon enfance / Je sais ce que la vie a fait de moi / Et le temps défile sans me laisser la moindre chance / Dans l'indifférence / Je suis ce que la vie a fait de moi / Ce qu'elle a fait de moi

This is my fate / I paid for your wrongs / Could I ever forgive? /  And despite your remorse /  The silences that I ignore /  Should I one day forget? /  I want to believe /  In all your looks / in love / Just a little love /  Over time I let my innocence die /  Run away from the memories of my childhood / I know what life has done to me / And time goes by without giving me the slightest chance / Indifferent /  I am what life has made of me / What she made of me

The Moon Will Sing — The Crane Wives

Name your courage now / We could have had anything, anything else / Instead you hoarded all that's left of me / Swallowing your doubt / Like swords to the pit of my belly / I want to feel the fire that you kept from me / The moon will sing a song for me / I loved you like the sun / Bore the shadows that you made / With no light of my own / I shine only with the light you gave me /  (I could have been anyone, anyone)

Runaway — AURORA

I was painting a picture / The picture was a painting of you and / For a moment I thought you were here / But then again, it wasn't true, down / And all this time I have been lyin' / Oh, lyin' in secret to myself / I've been putting sorrow on the Farthest place on my shelf / La-di-da / And I was runnin' far away / Would I run off the world someday? / Nobody knows  / Nobody knows, and / I was dancing in the rain / I felt alive and I can't complain / But now take me home / Take me home where I belong / I got no other place to go / I can't take it anymore

Fine on the Outside — Priscilla Ahn

I never had that many friends growing up / So I learned to be / Ok with / Just me, just me, just me, just me / And I'll be fine on the outside / So I just sit in my room after hours with the moon / And think of who knows my name / Would you cry if I died / Would you remember my face? / So I left home, I packed up and l moved / Far away / From my past one day / And I laughed, I laughed, I laughed, I laughed / I sound fine on the outside

Dernière danse — Indila 

Que d'espérance / Sur ce chemin en ton absence  / J'ai beau trimer / Sans toi ma vie n'est qu'un décor qui brille, vide de sens / Je remue le ciel, le jour, la nuit /  Je danse avec le vent, la pluie /  Un peu d'amour, un brin de miel /  Et je danse, danse, danse, danse, danse, danse, danse /  Et dans le bruit, je cours et j'ai peur /  Est-ce mon tour? /  Vient la douleur /  Dans tout Paris, je m'abandonne / Et je m'envole, vole, vole, vole, vole, vole vole /  Dans cette douce souffrance /  Dont j'ai payé toutes les offenses /  Écoute comme mon cœur est immense /  Je suis une enfant du monde

What Hope /  On this path in your absence / I work hard /  Without you my life is just a setting that shines, meaningless /  I move the sky, day, night / I dance with the wind, the rain / A little love, a sprig of honey / And I dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance / And in the noise I run and I'm scared / Is it my turn? / Comes the pain / All over Paris, I abandon myself / And I fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly fly / In this sweet suffering / I paid for all the offenses / Listen how my heart is huge / I am a child of the world