#listen. i love his role as confused bystander

[welcometothevoiddarling]

i still remember your phone number. I remember the feeling of calling, listening to the dial tone, the small burst of anxiety as I prepared what I'd say to whoever picked up – Hi X, can I speak to X please? I can't remember if we used to make small talk.

And I can remember the expression on my dad's face when I'd been on the phone for hours, so long it was now sweaty and numb against my ear. I can remember pacing or sitting on the stairs. I can remember the vague outlines of the computer game we used to play. I remember the beginning of what was probably a deeply rooted need for control, feeling like I had to collect all the gold possible.

But you know what I can't remember. For the love of me, I cannot remember a single conversation we had. I have no idea what we spoke about. What was so pressing back then that it couldn't wait two days until I'd see you again. How fluid and natural was our friendship that I never got cold feet, that I could've spoken for hours and hours and hours? I never got bored, or had enough, or felt awkward. I have forgotten our friendship. I don't carry it anymore.

And it was years long. It was an insignia. It was so important to me for so long. But for the life of me I cannot remember it. Only the pieces around it.

It's not far off, the next chapter. We used to sit on the messenger for hours too. We would end up in conversations about childhood and trauma and I would never want to end it. I'd just need to eat or shower or it would just need to stop. But then it would pick up again a few hours later. And I'd see you every day. We'd hang out every hour, barring only those we didn't have classes together. I was lost until I was sat with you. I had everything I needed when I had you. You were broken in the same ways I wasn't, and I was needy for things you had never found difficult or tiring. We completed each other for a period of time. I can remember the feeling if I try. I don't know if I could do it again.

First she chose something better. I got boring. Then I guess I chose something better, you didn't get boring, but if I'm being honest, I probably didn't value you enough, truly. And now I'm not chosen at all. I'm the people it was easier to not think too hard about. To not consider what it's like to the bystander in a trio. The acute pain that comes with knowing that there's nothing you can do about being second best. I still read the group chat name and feel slightly guilty, I didn't even try and hide it. It's just life I guess, it's just learning all the different roles and how to play them and what it feels like to be them.

This might be the least confused and painful it's ever been. Because I'm older, because I know what it's like. Because I've just thought that one day they may look back like I am now, and wonder how that friendship felt. Time dooms us all in the end.

But someday I'd love to ask you, what did we talk about? What was it all about? What did you like about me? What did I like about you? Did you get bored of me? Did I change? Did you? But really, most importantly, did I make small talk with your mum? Lol, I'd love to leave it there. There's some anecdotes I want to keep just for me I think. I wonder if you do the same. I don't know if we'd get on anymore, if we're people who grew the same way. I'd have been so interested in the timeline where you were here. What would that have looked like, friend?

I wonder what would happen if I called again, out of the blue, just for old times sake?

[jinkies-binx]

incredibles 3 b-plot idea: tony ridinger catches the parrs masks off again and has to have his memory wiped over and over until they decide that it aint worth it anymore and leave him be on his merry way

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Okayyyy now that I've slept on that episode I am ready to do some good old traumamongering so let's look at how Loki's responses to his environment and those around him are informed by his trauma--and how Mobius/the TVA are using his trauma to manipulate him.

One of the ways Loki deals with unpleasant or stressful situations is to verbally maneuver or posture, to try to assert control (if he feels he can reasonably do so). We see him do this with Tony in Avengers, who during their confrontation--at least for the moment--poses no active threat; instead of attacking him, Loki talks. In Thor, Loki tries several times to defuse situations with his words, which generally goes poorly for him. But when it comes to handling stress, it's essentially all he knows how to do--Mobius is absolutely right to point out that Loki "loves to talk," but usually his silver tongue is borne out of necessity.

In this case, starting from the moment of his escape, we see a lot of talking from Loki that is not strictly necessary. When he lands in Mongolia, the very first thing he does is make a speech to the bystanders--literally and figuratively trying to get his bearings. He's not aggressive at all (which would confuse the Avengers were they to see him, but wow, it's almost like Thanos/the Mind Stone was influencing him!) and seems quite at a loss as to what to do when the people he's addressing don't understand him. When the TVA agents try to arrest him, he tries to ask them what's going on, and gives plenty of warning (and posturing!) before attempting to physically assert himself. In the TVA itself, this continues. Loki complains, tries to intimidate, questions, and even talks to machines with no other real witnesses (twice). He's pulling out all the stops, so to speak, to try to verbally establish control of his situation. He's trying to get his bearings, to assert his autonomy and individuality--but no one is listening to him.

When that doesn't work, and only when a lot of that doesn't work, does Loki attempt physical control of his environment. He first tries his magic (something familiar to him) and is shocked when that also doesn't work. The TVA is already a foreign environment, but because none of Loki's usual and comfortable methods of surviving are working, it becomes more foreign, and more stressful. That's why he escalates to actively resisting the guards (but note he doesn't try too hard once someone (Mobius) starts talking). Physical resistance has never been Loki's forte, so he plays to his strengths while he can, but when that fails and he gets more desperate, he has to get creative.

But when Loki is stressed enough that he starts to physically fight back, the illusion of confidence starts to break down. We see this continue really clearly in the interrogation room scene. The subject matter actively makes Loki uncomfortable. His attempts to deflect or lie aren't effective, and his words once again fail to control his situation or even shield him from what he'd like to avoid. Unable to escape the direct questions, Loki again becomes physically restless and uncomfortable, standing and pacing while growing more obviously agitated. The questions Mobius is asking are ones Loki does not want to think about, and that's because they ultimately hit on his most vulnerable points.

The question of "What would you do if you could go back?" while seeming rather innocuous, is really a well-disguised gateway to all of Loki's trauma and insecurity. Why does he feel he should rule Midgard? Well, Loki attempts to respond, that's what he deserves, it's what he was born for--but it wasn't, really, and he knows it. Firstly, when it comes to his royal birthright, Loki has always fallen back on that as a grounding mechanism. It's what he asserts to claim his identity and feel powerful and in control. He does this with being a god, too, and we see him do this several times just within the TVA. But ultimately, it's just words--the real power is with those who can make what they want to happen actually happen, and in Loki's life, that has never been him. (Even talking about his birthright, and the concept of ruling, brings up the traumatic events of Thor 1; and the fact that he was looking to rule Midgard, not Asgard, means that he would still be playing second-fiddle to Thor. Midgard wasn't his birthright--Asgardians never ruled directly on Earth. It was just the best he could get.) And secondly, Loki's attack of Earth was directly caused and influenced by Thanos. That is the main source of trauma that Loki is desperately trying to avoid, and the questions he's being asked don't allow him to do so. He can't weasel out of it; Mobius is too persistent, and he knows all the worst buttons to push. In fact, he's systematically targeting Loki's weaknesses.

Look at the questions and statements he uses: "For someone born to rule, you sure lose an awful lot." Your birthright is false and you know it. "You weren't born to be a king. You were born to help others become the best versions of themselves." He juxtaposes this with footage of the Avengers, Thor among them: your identity only matters so far as you can enable others, especially your brother. Loki starts avoiding looking at the footage, becoming less brazen with his attitude and responses, so Mobius asks, "What is it that you're running from?" It's at about this point that Loki stands up, trying to physically distance himself from both Mobius and the question. This interaction reveals much about what Mobius is intending by this conversation. He's not trying to learn about Loki, necessarily. He already knows Loki is running from something, and seems to know what it is, which wouldn't be immediately clear to someone uninformed. What he's really trying to do is make Loki vulnerable, and make him admit it.

Mobius uses Loki's role in his mother's death to push him over the edge. Immediately, Loki turns on Mobius, furiously insisting that the whole thing is an illusion--more desperate verbal posturing, and Mobius treats it as such--and then Loki snaps, first throwing a chair at the painful image of his mother, which promptly reforms (it's inescapable), and then trying to attack Mobius. The fact that Loki is lashing out physically means he is desperate, but even his last resort isn't effective. He simply can't protect himself. He's powerless. That's triggering in and of itself.

But it's the footage that's the final blow. After escaping his restraints, he returns to the very room he left, and looks at his life. And he cries. He's so vulnerable and hurting and scared that in his first moment alone, he cries. And just as he thought he'd have a little bit of comfort, even laughing to see his improving relationship with Thor, he watches himself die a humiliating, pitiful, ignoble death, and hears himself say, "You will never be a god"--and that old boast means nothing because Thanos snaps his neck anyway. That moment, seeing the thing he was running from catch up to him and kill him, is his final emotional breaking point. When Loki laughs and bitterly says, "Glorious purpose," that's the end of the posturing. He's admitting Mobius was right: he didn't have a glorious purpose, or a glorious anything. Which is why when Mobius comes back, Loki tells the truth, unprompted. He actually calls himself weak. He admits he's been putting up an illusion in a feeble attempt to get control of his situation.

This level of vulnerability from Loki is unheard of, and speaks to how utterly he's been worn down by the very intentional psychological manipulation of Mobius and the TVA. When Loki entered, he was actively opposing them. Now, after having been massively triggered and emotionally exhausted, he's suggestible, and by playing a friendly angle, Mobius can manipulate Loki into working with them--and, literally, against himself.

Whether he has good intentions or no, that makes Mobius a truly formidable player, and one Loki--and we--shouldn't be too hastily comfortable with. He is clearly a master manipulator, and has no qualms using Loki's trauma to break him.

But what should be most concerning of all is that he succeeds. Because the only other person to have ever done that?

Is Thanos.

[eirikaanemo]

Venti’s a Celebrity (GN)

1) You’re a fellow celebrity and do a lot of collabs with him

You both produce music professionally and work for the same album company. Your styles work well together so they have you do a lot of duets. Or sometimes you’ll play the music and he’ll sing, or vice versa.

Eventually the two of you collab with each other more than you make individual content. Individually content is still made, but your joint performances do incredibly well. So it’s only natural that the two of you would form a group together

In all reality, it’s not very different from what you were doing before. You just get to come up with a group name and generally spend more time together.

The two of you get closer and bond (you have all the inside jokes). It’s honestly a dream come true for you. You’ve always thought he was cute, but the more you get to know him, the more you grow to like him

Starting a romantic relationship with him is just a natural extension of your already existing relationship. When they catch you making out, your staff were more delighted than surprised to see that you’d finally acted on your mutual pining

You gaze in the mirror, admiring the work of your makeup artist as you wait for a stagehand to let you know when it’s time. Tonight’s performance is live, on-stage and you’re a little nervous. You lightly trace your meticulously done hair with your finger, too afraid of messing it up to do anything more. There’s a knock on the door. “Come in,” you call. The door squeaks as someone enters.

A few moments later, two arms wrap around your torso and you hear Venti take a deep breath. You rest your hands on his and manage the courage to give him a little smile. “Hi Venti,” you whisper. “Hello!” He replies. “I see my precious songbird is nervous for our first performance. Would a kiss cheer you up?” You smile a little wider. “It would,” you admit. “But I think Lisa might just kill me if I mess up my makeup.”

2) You were his very first fan

He started out small on YouTube. You were always the same to like the video and leave a comment. And you would always share it with twenty of your closest friends (or really just anyone you could- internet strangers included)

He appreciated your support so much, always responding to your comments and sometimes giving you shoutouts in his videos. Everyone knows that the role of #1 fan is already taken

It took years for him to get big, and you were there for him the whole time. So when he finally did it, he sends you tickets to his first performance with an invitation to meet with him

You’re ecstatic to know that he’s finally getting the attention he deserves, and are thrilled to receive the ticket and invitation. Of course you accept! And if it took begging for a few days off and splurging on an airplane ticket there… well, he didn’t need to know that

When the two of you meet, you really hit it off and become friends. It helps that there’s so much history between the two of you, but you also find that you have some things in common

After a while of staying in contact as friends, he invites you to another event… as his date. While it was a bit of a shock at first, you were happy to attend and had a lovely time with him

You squeeze his hand lightly as the two of you walk back out to the limousine. He’s chatting about how great it was to see so many of his friends and introduce you to them. You are honestly only half listening, as you hum and agree in all the right places. Tonight has been a lot and you’re still processing what happened. He notices that you seem sort of distant once you’re both seated in the limousine and holds one of your hands with both of his.

“Did you enjoy tonight?” He asks. “Oh, yes,” you say kind of distantly as you snap back to focusing on him. “It was wonderful. My brain is just struggling to comprehend that I just met fifty of your closest celebrity friends.” He laughs. “Well, do you think you’d be up to doing it again? There’s another event in a couple weeks that I’d like to bring you too.” You smile warmly. “Sounds like a date!”

3) You randomly meet them in a regular situation and don’t recognize them

You’re sitting at a bar with your friends, sipping your drink and jamming out to the music playing. It’s by your favorite artist, The Bard, and is one of your favorite songs

Said music artist happens to be at that bar that night and notices you jamming out. So, just for fun, he decides to go sit by you

He asks if you really love the music so much, fully expecting you to recognize him on sight. You don’t recognize him and proceed to go on a rant about how awesome he is and how much you love his music.

He’s surprised, but pleasantly so, and the conversation eventually drifts to other topics. You have a great conversation and he really enjoyed spending time with you, so he gives you his number

You think it’s kind of odd, but he asks you to not give other people his number. Of course you agree, but it’s kind of a weird thing to ask. Why would you just randomly give out the number of some guy you met at a bar?

When he leaves your friends all pounce on you and ask about him. You’re really confused about why they’re interested until one of them mentions him actually being your favorite music artist. It takes a while for them to convince you that they’re not joking around

“Just call him!” Amber proposed. “Who better to convince you who he is than him!” You frown, Venti was just a nice, cute guy you met. There’s no way he could be a famous singer and songwriter. But you know they won’t leave you alone until you ask. “Alright,” you sigh, ignoring their cheers and high fives.

Pulling out your phone, you open a new text chain, type a new message and send it. ‘Are you The Bard? Sorry about the weird questions, my friends are making me ask.’ You wait a couple minutes with your friends on the edge of their seats. Ping! Your phone let you know you received a message. ‘Yep!’ The text reads. ‘I didn’t think it would take you this long to figure it out ;)’. Your friends swear, to this day, that your jaw dropped to the ground and your eyes were the size of dinner plates.

4) You somehow show up in many pictures of them, despite being a random bystander

He likes taking a bunch of pictures, including selfies, and putting them up on social media. It’s his way of connecting with his fans, and it works pretty well. A ton of people follow him and like his pictures

That day you happen to be at his performance and every. single. picture. somehow has you in it. You’re even in the backstage ones because you got a backstages tour. He doesn’t even notice until one of his fans points it out in a comment

His fans love you so much already and insist that he get a proper picture with you. They come up with wild theories and have the craziest ideas of why this is happening, when in reality it really is just coincidence (or is it fate?)

One moment you’re just hanging out in the food court waiting for your friends to get back with your food, the other you’re being tugged along by the star of the show himself? You’re really surprised when he asks for a picture with you. Why in the world would he want a picture of you?

But you agree and the picture is taken. The fans love it so much. So he and the crew invite you to a joint interview stream later. You’re pretty sure the sky is falling, pigs are flying, and that hell has frozen over, but you agree

The fans ship you already and can tell from your matching blushes in the picture that you think each other are cute. So they play wingman and get you together with their full support

“This question is from istananon in chat,” the person reading the questions says. “Venti, if you were to take them on a date, where would you go?” Venti blushes harder and laughs nervously. “Wow, you guys are really asking a lot of questions about us dating,” he notes. “Um, I guess I would take them to Angel’s Share and we could just talk and get to know each other more.”

“There’s a follow up question,” they remark, turning to look at you. “If Venti were to ask you on a date, would you accept?” You hide your face in your hands and whatever you say is muffled. “What was that?” Ven asks nervously. “We didn’t quite catch that.” You pull your face out for a second to respond and then hide

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

Chapter Five. 

SERIES MASTERLIST | word count: 7.4k 

come talk to me about wtsdg! i’d love to know your thoughts!

December 16, 2017

Soft giggles escaped Luci’s lips as Harry continuously pressed kisses to her cheek and neck. 

They were cuddling on his couch—Luci on her back as Harry was on his side—watching a cooking show they didn’t pay any mind to anymore because all they could do was focus on each other and the other’s lips. They were addicted, to say the least. After their very first kiss, they couldn’t get enough of one another.

 It had been a month since their first date, and each day, they found themselves falling more and more for each other. Kisses and cuddles were a more than great addition to their new relationship, and they both seem to think that the other was amazing at doing those two things. 

Everyday when Harry or Luci had to go into work, or when they weren’t going to see each other for the entire day, they would knock on each other’s doors to spare a few kisses before they headed out to individually take on the world. It was painfully adorable; they were one of those ‘couples’ that people would see on the street and yearn, envy, or simply gag at the sight of their adorableness. 

After a long and grueling eight months of tour, Miss Saigon had wrapped up. She was glad she wasn’t the only person playing the role since Daisy was still casted, but if it were just Luci performing almost every night for eight months, she didn’t know what she would do with herself. The very last night was a bittersweet show; Daisy had performed for their last show—not because she demanded to perform, but because she was scheduled to, and Luci had performed two nights prior to the last show. 

Harry, of course, attended Luci’s last show and the final show with the same amount of support he provided the very first time he watched her perform. Luci always felt a large amount of appreciation for him because he was always so supportive and he made sure to show up to important events for her. She felt somewhat guilty because she’d never been to any events for him because he never asked her if she’d like to accompany him to an event for work. But all he did was chuckle, saying that the school doesn’t do anything fun or special enough to invite a date over because all they really do is have meetings and whatnot; but he told her that he’d make sure to inform her if anything comes up, and that made her smile. 

They were doing great. After their first date, Harry promised many, many more after, to which he’d been fulfilling his promise. It took everything in them to not do anything more than just kiss because they both decided to take it slow. Deciding that was a bit difficult since all they wanted to do was be around and kiss up on each other, they figured it would be for the best because they really liked each other. 

“We’re missing the show,” Luci mentioned in between the kisses Harry was planting on her lips. 

“Do you really think I care about the show? I mean do you?” He pulled away from her face, raising his brows. She giggled because who was she kidding? She didn’t care about the show, so she shook her head no. “Then let me kiss you.” Harry gently kissed her lips, taking in the softness of them. Her heart fluttered every single time their lips connected, and it was a feeling that she wouldn’t get used to nor did she want the fluttering to go away. 

Suddenly, Luci’s phone vibrated against his coffee table. For a moment, she was about to ignore it, and instead, continue kissing the most kissable lips she’d ever touched. But as her phone kept vibrating, she gently started pushing Harry away; he kissed her skin as she reached for her phone. The incoming call was from Samantha, making her sit up immediately on the edge of his couch, slightly gasping. 

“Hello?” She stood up, holding her pointer finger up to him before walking into his room. Harry pouted at her absence as he laid back down on the couch. 

He’d never felt this way before; this feeling was something so new that they almost seemed unfamiliar to him, like he had never experienced it before even in his long-term relationship. That thought scared him because he had only been dating Luci for a month, and his past relationships lasted a year or two. Before letting his mind go into overdrive and cause him to overthink, he instead reveled in that feeling because sometimes, feelings could be good. Humans are allowed to feel and feelings aren’t necessarily bad. You’re supposed to be vulnerable, to open your heart and grab that feeling and enjoy it. So, that was what he was going to do; he didn’t want to live in fear anymore. 

Luci soon came back into the living room, and Harry immediately noticed the way her eyes were glassy, but she had a smile on her face, which didn’t really add up to him. 

“Ci, are you okay?” She was still getting used to that nickname, but she had told him plenty of times that she absolutely loved it, especially if he was the only one who called her that. Harry stood up, walking towards her and she bursted into heart wrenching sobs that harshly pulled at his heart strings. He pulled her into his chest, rubbing her back as he comforted her. He wanted to cry with her, but he needed to keep calm because he had no clue as to what had happened on the phone call just a few minutes ago. 

She pulled her face out of his chest, wiping her cheeks before she started laughing, only confusing Harry even more. 

“I’m sorry.” She sniffled. “I, uh, just got off the phone with Samantha.” Harry opened, not knowing what to say because what she could say next could be bad news, but it was the exact opposite. “Harry, I got the part,” she said in disbelief. 

His eyes widened as he was speechless. Luci nodded, confirming and smiling like crazy before she backed out of his arms, covering her mouth with her hands. She was breathing harshly as the exhalation from her mouth was escaping through the gaps where her hands met her face, making the air blow at her hair. 

“You got the part…” Harry finally said, repeating her words, accepting them for himself; she nodded again. “You got the part,” he said again. The more he said it, the more it didn’t feel real. So, he said it again. “You got the fucking part!” He exclaimed, jumping up and down. Luci screamed, leaping towards him as he caught up. Her legs lifted off the ground as her heels met her butt, afraid she was going to fall, but Harry’s arms were holding her up tightly. 

“Holy shit!” She said into his neck. Harry walked backwards, leading them to his couch. They continued to hug as she straddled him, and his hands trailed up and down her back, noticing how she loved back rubs—no matter what she’s feeling. 

Once she pulled away, facing him, he had a wide and proud smile on his face. “You fucking did that, Ci. You. Fucking. Did. That.” 

Breathing out, she nodded. “I did that.” 

“I’m so happy for you.” 

Luci smiled fondly, thanking him before she leaned in to press a loving kiss to his lips. They stayed in that position for a while—Luci sitting on his thighs as he excitedly listened to every single word she said, repeating what Samantha had told her over the phone. There would be flashes of moments that hit her hard, making her get the chills as tears formed in her eyes but never streamed down her face. This was real life; shit was about to get so much more realer. 

They chatted for a bit; Luci trailing away from the conversation of the big news because she felt like she was talking about herself too much. Instead, they talked about travel plans for the holidays. They were both going back home—Luci back to Massachusetts as Harry had a farther plane ride to England—but they agreed that they were going to spend New Years with one another, so they could celebrate going into the new year together. Plus, it would be too long without seeing each other. 

Harry pulled his phone out and tapped the camera icon. He patted the spot next to him on the couch, and Luci sat there. 

“Gotta take a picture to remember this day.” Luci smiled, nodding excitedly. He extended his arms as they both showed off their bright and excited smiles to the camera. Harry took a few more: one with their tongues out, another with Luci kissing his cheek, and the last one being a candid with them laughing because Luci had laughed while kissing his cheek, making hot air hit his skin. She sent herself the pictures, making the candid picture Harry’s contact photo and the smiling photo her home screen. 

As she looked at the pictures, she knew these were going to be gold someday; the first set of pictures when they found out she was casted for her first Hollywood movie. It was a damn special moment, and she was glad that she could share the news with the person who was special to her. 

December 20, 2017 

They held onto each other tightly as bystanders walked around them, trying to get to their gate as they rolled their eyes at, yet, another couple who was separating for a few weeks. 

With their luggages and duffle bags—since Harry liked to travel with bags instead of luggages—beside them, they shared a few kisses as Luci’s arms were wrapped around Harry’s waist and his were resting comfortably around her shoulders. They were going back home for the holidays, and it would be the longest they were going to go without seeing each other; aside from when they weren’t friends yet. Luci wanted to book their flights together so they were at the same airport, departing at the same time—although Harry would be waiting a tad bit longer since he was flying international. 

“I’m gonna miss you.” Luci looked up at him with a slight pout; Harry leaned in, kissing her frown away. 

“And I’m gonna miss you too, but we’ll be seeing each other soon. But you have to go to check in pretty soon and get through TSA,” he said as he checked the time on his phone. “Don’t want you to miss your flight.” 

She nodded, agreeing. They kissed a few more times, hugged a little tighter, and told each other that they’d see each other soon, as well as making sure the other would text whenever they landed and got home safely. Finally, they separated; Harry watched Luci go up the escalator before he took his time walking to the international departure since he had to wait a couple hours before his flight. 

Once Luci was walking to her gate, Airpods in her ears, her mind had gone completely blank until someone had walked up to her, waving. She took out one Airpod, seeing a woman who was seemingly in her mid-forties with brown wavy hair that landed just below her shoulders; the woman had a friendly smile on her face. 

“Hello,” Luci greeted kindly but slightly confused. 

“Hi, I’m so sorry to bother you. But you’re Luciana Suki, right?” The woman asked hopefully. 

Luci smiled softly. “Yes, that’s me.” The slight concern had washed away because she thought she was being stopped by the airport’s security or someone from TSA, but the woman had a neck pillow attached to her luggage and was wearing comfortable sweatpants. 

“Oh, wonderful. I just wanted to say that I loved your performance in Miss Saigon!” Luci’s eyes widened. “I usually watch the show when the production goes on tour, so I’m quite familiar with the cast, but can I just say that you’re insanely talented and put on a lovely show.” The woman complimented honestly. 

“Oh, wow. T-That’s…” Luci was having a hard time speaking, let alone, accepting the fact that someone had noticed her outside of the theatre. “Thank you. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much that means to me.” She placed her hand on her heart. “What’s your name?” 

“Victoria.” They shook hands before they chatted for a bit on the side. Victoria couldn’t stop praising her for her wonderful performance, leaving Luci with warm cheeks and an appreciating smile. “Do you mind if I get a picture with you? I wasn’t able to meet you after the show that I went to.” 

“Of course!” 

“Besides, I told my husband, ‘this girl is going places.’ And I want to have this as a keepsake when you do.” She pulled out her phone, flipping the camera towards them. 

“That is so incredibly kind. Thank you so much.” The two women smiled at the camera before Victoria thanked her for the picture. 

Luci took out her phone. “Now, can I get a picture with you? You’re the very first person that’s ever recognized me, and I also want this as a keepsake for this moment.” Victoria was stunned, but immediately said yes before they smiled again for Luci’s phone. 

The two said ‘thank you’ a hundred times more before finally saying goodbye to one another and separating. 

Luci was so happy as she walked to her gate and sat down before sending the picture to Harry. 

This is Victoria. She just stopped me and told me that she recognized me from the show! How fucking cool is that?!

Harry responded immediately with a big smile on his face. 

No way! That’s sooo fucking cool! Literally dating the coolest girl ever.

Always know what to say to get me smiling crazy...

I would be doing something wrong if you weren’t. xx

Still, the smile hadn’t left her face. She noticed that’s all she’d been doing with him because that’s all he made her do. 

Once it was announced that it was time to board, Luci sent Harry another text saying that she was boarding and that she’ll text him when she landed, and told him to have a safe flight if she was still in the air by the time he was on the plane. He sent her a safe flight and many kisses, telling her that they would talk soon. 

When Luci entered her childhood home, she was hit by a wave of nostalgia; it felt like she hadn’t stepped into this home in years. Everything looked the same; the framed pictures on the wall were still the same, the only difference was that their family picture at Luci’s first show was added in a big frame. 

Ren and Beatrice entered the house from the garage as they released a gasp, quickly walking towards her and hugged her tightly. Luci had truly missed her parents, and living without them would never be the same. The three caught up for a moment, asking each other what they’d been up to. Ren had started a garden, but since it had been snowing, he couldn’t really care for it as of now. Beatrice was reading, yet, another book on self-help and love, saying that the information had been really insightful for her; Luci smiled, saying that it was great she was reading that. 

Luci was itching to tell her parents the big news. She would’ve told them over the phone when she found out, but she wanted to surprise them with the news, instead of having a family group facetime. She wanted to hug them as she told them, she wanted to hear those screams and gasps in person. 

Nathan had a few days off, luckily, and was on his way home to spend some time with his family, so whenever he arrived, she’d tell them. 

Walking up the stairs while lugging her luggage up with her, she opened her door and looked around her childhood bedroom. Nothing was moved, different, or added; it was the same as she’d left it all those months ago. Everything seemed to happen quite fast within those nine months, and it was quite bizarre at how much did happen. 

But standing in her bedroom made her feel proud of herself at how much she’d accomplished and all the lessons she had gone through. Her home had just made her much more grounded. 

After a few hours, the sky had gotten dark, and Nathan was home. Luci greeted her brother with a warm hug. The two siblings walked over to the kitchen where their parents were getting dinner ready, and Nathan greeted them. 

Luci rested her arms on the countertop, leaning against them. “So, I have some news…” she announced, making her family whip their heads towards her, looking at her concerningly. 

“You’re pregnant?” Nate guessed. Beatrice looked at him then looked at Luci, asking if it was true. 

“What? No!” She laughed, scoffing slightly. Not only was that a very off guess, but her and Harry hadn’t even had sex yet; they hadn’t even been naked around each other. Plus, her family didn’t even know she was dating Harry anyways. 

“What is it, Lulu?” Her father asked. 

“So, remember when I told you all that I was auditioning for a role—the one Samantha booked me?” They all nodded. As usual, they gave her the famous pep-talk, but it was much more intense since this was for a potential blockbuster movie; they all helped her along the way as well. Luci stayed silent, hoping they’d put the pieces together and figure it out on their own, but as they stared at her clueless, she screamed it. “I got the part!” 

Their eyes went wide as they all screamed, “What?!” Luci nodded, jumping as the news finally hit them. They walked towards her, giving her proud and excited hugs; Beatrice started crying happy tears for her, and Ren had even shed a few tears for his daughter. Her family eagerly asked questions, and Luci was happy to provide them every detail she’d gotten from Samantha. She was incredibly happy that all the most important people in her life finally knew, and she was even happier that they shared the same excitement with her.  

After a family dinner, they watched a movie before everyone went to bed. Luci found herself tossing and turning as she continuously watched the digital time on her nightstand change every minute. She internally groaned, staring at the ceiling wide awake. It was three in the morning when her phone vibrated, and she wasn’t going to check it because then she would be on her phone the entire night, but when it vibrated the second time, she figured that she wasn’t going to get sleep any time soon. So, she picked up her phone and felt her heart skip a beat, seeing Harry’s text on her screen. 

Hi, love. Just landed. x 

Also, hope you’re sleeping well. Sweet dreams, Ci. 

Luci smiled into her pillow as she laid on her side, reading Harry’s text over again. 

Hi, H! Glad to know you made it safely. 

Suddenly, his contact picture came into view for an incoming call from him; Luci sat up slightly, leaning on her elbows as she answered. 

“Hello?” She whispered. 

“Ci, What are you doing up? Isn’t it, like, three a.m there?” His gravelly voice asked through the phone. Harry was waiting for his bags to show up from the carousel; he was quite exhausted from the flight, despite sleeping for most of it. 

“Yeah. I don’t know—I couldn't sleep.” Part of her knew that her mind was racing with the thought of Harry; she also wanted to know if he landed safely, and she felt relief when he texted her. 

“Aww, sorry about that. But luckily, you’re on vacation; you’ll get to sleep in.” She nodded, even though he couldn’t see her. 

They chatted for a bit about his flight and how Gemma was going to pick him up since she was an early riser; and Luci told him about how she announced the big news to her family, which Harry was happy she got the reaction she wanted. 

His voice was silk and smooth—especially when it was from just waking up—as it was lulling her to sleep. Harry could tell that she was drifting off as she wasn’t giving verbal responses; he knew that his voice would eventually make her fall asleep because she’d told him one time that it was relaxing and soothing. 

They bid each other goodnight and sweet dreams, telling one another that they’d talk to each other whenever she woke up, hoping he would still be awake. But they both counted down the days until they would get to see each other before they made the sound of a kissing noise over the speaker, and hung up. 

And they were both going to be dreaming of each other’s lips and touch until they were physically together again.

December 31, 2017

Looking into her full-body mirror, Luci straightened out her outfit as she awaited her date for the evening. 

She’d missed Harry over the holidays, but she was lucky enough to be able to text him throughout whenever they both got the chance—although it was a bit difficult because of the time difference. But Luci had been aching to be in his arms again, to feel his lips on hers to make up for lost time. But throughout the holiday, she’d been a bit on edge as nerves would creep into her body every time she would think about the news she was about to tell Harry—news that was not a discussion through text or on phone when he was miles away. 

Ever since she had gotten the call—a day after she arrived back home for the holidays—she had been all up in her thoughts about what Harry might think about the situation. She was mostly afraid that he would want to stop seeing her; and based on how much she liked him and enjoyed being with him, she really hoped that wasn’t the case. But the anticipation on telling him was killing her and she just wanted to talk to him-

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. She took a deep breath to ease her nerves, but she was more excited to see him. Opening the door, Harry was standing on her doorstep with his bags on his shoulders and an excited smile on his face. He had just gotten back from the airport, which was perfect timing for the party that they were attending. Luci had asked him a million and one times if he was sure he wanted to go, considering that he was literally just arriving from the airport, but he told her that it was okay and he’d be too jetlagged to sleep anyways. 

“Harry!” She jumped in his arms as he wrapped his around her waist. Luci took in his scent as she pressed kisses against his neck. 

He giggled. “Hi, love. I’ve missed you,” he mumbled against her shoulder. 

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you too.” 

“Yeah?” He set her down on her feet, taking her face in the palms of his warm hands. “Let me give you a proper kiss then. It’s been too long since I’ve kissed these lips that I might’ve forgotten what they feel like.” 

Luci fake gasped, amusing him. “Then please kiss me because we can’t have that happening, ever.” 

Harry chuckled, leaning in to take her lips in with his. Giving her gentle and tender kisses, they both smiled against each other’s lips, relief taking over them since it’d been too long since they’d felt each other. Harry was always impressed at how perfectly Luci’s lips seemed to fit his; he also loved how his body felt whenever he received a kiss from her as chills would rush down his skin and his heart would pump a few extra times. It was a feeling that he looked forward to every time she was around or showed him any type of affection. 

Pulling away, they smiled at one another before giggling. He finally got to have a look at her outfit that he knew she spent a few hours deciding on. Luci was wearing a satin bralette top, a zebra print skirt that hugged her hips with black stockings underneath; and a black coat over a knitted beanie and leather gloves since it was still dangerously cold. 

“You looked absolutely stunning, Ci.” She bashfully smiled, looking down at her outfit. “I mean it…wow.” He pulled her into his body as his face immediately went into the crook of her neck. He placed kisses against her skin, nibbling gently as she let out a soft and quiet moan. “Wanna skip this party?” 

Luci pushed at his shoulders. “Really?” She was down for the idea of spending and celebrating the new year inside, snuggling up with some blankets, and kissing each other into the new year. 

“Maybe? Wanna kiss you everywhere.” He put emphasis on where he wanted to kiss her, and that just wasn’t her lips, making her bite her bottom lip at the idea. He was horny, he had to admit; the eagerness to feel her against her with her hands all over his body was like a broken record in his mind. And just by the look in her eyes, she had been thinking about it too because how could she not? But Harry would tease her a bit—make her admit it. “Actually, let’s just go to the party because I wanna show off my girl.” 

Her eyes widened as pursed her lips, refraining from a smile at how the words ‘my girl’ sounded from his mouth; and she quite liked the idea of being his girl.  “Are you sure?” He nodded. “Okay. Wait, uh, can we talk for a second? I need to tell you something.” 

He nodded as his expression changed to a slight concerned one. Luci led him to her couch, not letting go of his hand. 

“So, uh, Samantha called me during the holidays. And I know I should’ve mentioned it to you, but I didn’t want to tell you over the phone-”

“Baby, breathe, yeah? Slow down; I’m not going anywhere.” He reassured her, caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. Her mind had solely focused on the new nickname, and it made her heart flutter, but she shook that thought out of her head, knowing that she needed to tell him now. 

So, she nodded and exhaled. “She told me that we’re filming for the movie pretty soon.” 

His brows raised. “Really?! When?” 

“Mid January…” he sensed a ‘but’ coming, so he patiently waited. “But I’m supposed to be in California by the sixth.” Harry noticed her mood had faltered a bit; even in her gorgeous outfit and the way she did her makeup, he would always think she was beautiful despite her mood.

“Hey, isn’t that great? This is what you’ve been wanting to do.” He rubbed her thigh comfortingly.

“It’s just…I have to be there for four months, maybe five. That’s a really long time.” She looked at him with a sad look, and the slight sadness broke his heart because all he ever wanted her to feel was happiness. 

He finally understood what she was saying—four or five months was a long time; they were going to be on opposite sides of the country. But who was he to tell her not to go? He didn’t have any say in her career choices nor does he want to make any choices for her because that was her career. All he could do was be supportive of her, and that was exactly what he was going to do. 

“Ci, tell me what’s on your mind,” he requested softly, not wanting his tone to portray aggressively. 

She sighed deeply. “We’re gonna be apart for a long time when we’re supposed to be together. I mean we just started dating, so I would understand if you wanted out,” she explained honestly.

Pouting, he could see the pain that she held while saying those words as she hoped he would want to stay with her. 

“I don’t want out,” he stated immediately. “Five months is gonna go by quickly. There’s FaceTime, texting, and calling. It’s gonna be fine!” He nodded his head for some extra reassurance. 

The guilt was still resting in Luci’s head that his words hadn’t processed yet. “I just feel bad…” 

“Don’t be. This is your job, and I can’t and don’t want to get in the way with that. Don’t worry about me, alright? Everything’s gonna be fine.” Harry pulled her into his side and kissed the side of her head. His words seemed to settle in her mind as she constantly repeated them back to herself. “Now, let me go and get changed, and I’ll be right back so we can head out.” 

With one last kiss to her cheek, Harry headed out of Luci’s apartment and into his to get changed. He decided on just wearing black skinny jeans and a flowy and thin velvet tan button down with red and green stitching that swirled throughout the shirt. He went back to her apartment to find her fully ready with her shiny leather boots; her mood had slightly lifted as she thanked him for being so supportive and kind, and he simply brushed it off, saying that it was the only way to act—which earned him several of kisses to his lips that made him rethink the fact that he wanted to go to the party and wanting to tease her at said party. But she pulled away and dragged him out of her place as they headed towards the Lower East Side. 

Nina had invited Harry and Luci to Moon Room, a hip nightclub that was filled with dancing like you were living in the eighties. The vintage decorated club was carefree, a judgement-free zone, and a place to truly have fun. Luci remembered that the last time she had gone to the club was after the second show of Miss Saigon; she was making out with some guy that she met there until he excused himself to throw up, and she never saw that guy again. Looking back at that memory, she mentally gagged but also chuckled. 

The club was hot and filled with people, which was expected since there was an hour and a half left till midnight. People were trying to find a place that would let them in without waiting in line just so they could get a proper drink and countdown and kiss strangers. There were several TVs above the bar and in the corners, all on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve that was currently happening in Time Square, but the music on the speaker had drowned out the volume on the television. 

Luci and Harry found Nina and her group of friends in a booth in the corner where the walls were covered in wallpaper of bright green leaves. Nina was quick to notice how the two were holding hands, making Nina tease Harry, saying that he had finally had the balls to make a move but he was quick to correct her and tell Nina that it was Luci who had made the move first; and that earned a clap and nudge for Luci. 

Drinks started to flow as the dancing had picked up. A Roddy Ricch song was playing as Luci’s back was against Harry’s chest, his hands on her waist as they moved in sync. She grinded her ass against him, making his hands squeeze her hips as his mouth leaned in against her ear. 

“Mm, you’re driving me fucking insane,” his deep voice said in her ear, making chills run down her body as well as ignite the heat between her legs. 

His hands were everything; she could feel him everywhere. She continued her movements, swaying her hips as she sang the lyrics to a rap song; Harry turned her around, catching her by surprise. His hands immediately found her lower back, but one of his hands had trailed down to the top of her ass, making her smirk but her heart swooned because she knew he was being a gentleman to move any further. His arms wrapped around his neck as their hips moved together, their fronts pressed together. Luci could feel the slight hard on Harry was growing inside of his pants, and it only made her want to touch him even more, to maybe tease him. 

“Want you, baby” Luci breathed out through the loud music. Harry blushed at the pet name before he smirked, and she licked a stripe up his neck, tasting the slight sweat on his skin, before nibbling on the spot under his jaw, making him bite his lip and press her tighter against his body. 

They both had similar ideas and minds to tease each other tonight, maybe that was why they weren’t getting plastered because they both knew where this night would end, and they wanted to be sober for every single second of it. 

But the fruity cocktails that Luci was heavily sipping and ordering were starting to hit her since it tasted so much like fruit punch. From what Harry could tell, she was starting to get giggly, touchy, and overall more goofier; he adored her nonetheless. 

When there were exactly seven minutes until midnight, Luci dragged Harry off the dance floor and to the corner of the club. Thinking that they were going to have a hot makeout session, which Harry made no move to stop her, Luci stopped right in front of the free photobooth the club provided. 

“Can we take pictures?” She asked; Harry nodded. “Let’s take individual pictures first! You go first.” Luci gently pushed Harry into the photobooth before dragging the curtain for privacy. 

Harry chuckled, pressing start before a voice started counting down from three; he gave the camera a toothless smile, stuck his tongue out, opened his mouth as his eyes went wide, and pointed his chin upwards as he held a peace sign up. When he got out of the booth, Luci clapped before getting in after him; her drunken mind had taken over and for the first picture, she grabbed her breasts and slightly pushed them up before winking and sticking her tongue out. For the rest, she gave her stunning smile, puckered her lips up as she closed her eyes, and held up a peace sign while smiling. 

When she was finished, she grabbed Harry’s arm and pulled him inside the booth. He comfortably sat down next to her as she put her legs over his thighs before pressing start once more. Everyone in the bar had already been counting down from thirty, and usually, Harry would want to count down with them, but he could care less about the countdown as his favorite girl was right next to him and he was having a great time with her. They smiled sweetly for the first one, and Luci kissed his cheek for the second one. 

Once Luci pulled away, he looked at her deeply in the eyes, putting his hand on her cheek, and said, “Be mine? As in my girlfriend, officially.” Luci’s eyes widened, not expecting those words; the camera had caught that exact moment for their third picture. 

A loud ‘3…2…1…Happy New Year!’ was heard from outside of the photobooth, but Harry and Luci were in their own world. 

She nodded, smiling before answering, “Yes!” Harry quickly kissed her as if they had been wedded, and the photobooth had taken their last picture of the two kissing. 

The happiness they had felt was an over-the-moon type of happiness, and they genuinely felt disconnected from the rest of the world because they had just made their own planet to live on. They felt drunk on each other, drunk on the kisses, and if this was what being intoxicated really felt like, they would never be sober. 

Pulling away, they gave each other a loving smile—one that expressed their emotions quite well. Harry kissed her forehead and her cheeks as he couldn’t get enough of her before pulling her out of the booth. 

“Happy New Year, H.” 

“Happy New Year, Ci,” he responded, putting his arm around her shoulder as she hugged his waist, head against his chest where his heart was erratically pounding, giving away how he truly felt about her. 

He grabbed their strips of pictures before they both looked at them. Harry curled his lips into his mouth, shifting his weight to his other leg once he saw the very first picture of Luci because fuck, she looked incredibly sexy, he thought. They smiled fondly at their pictures together, glad that they had gotten that moment on camera. Luckily, the photobooth printed two strips, so they both could have one each. 

Luci led Harry back to their table, where they greeted everyone a happy new year; Nina waved at them, pouring them a drink from the pitcher that contained a mix of pineapple juice and tequila, to drink into the new year. After a few more cupfuls, Luci and Harry called it a night as it was nearing two in the morning, which may seem early considering it was the new year, but they were both quite exhausted and sleepy. So, Harry booked an Uber back home to Brooklyn that arrived exceptionally fast. 

They walked hand in hand to their apartments; Harry waited for her to open her door so she got in safely, but when Luci noticed that he wasn’t following her inside, she had a frown on her face. 

“Where are you going?” She asked. 

“Oh, uh, to my place” 

“Do you wanna sleepover? I thought you were going to.” 

“Do you want me to?” He asked, not sure that he was actually going to sleepover. 

She smiled, nodding. “Of course. Wanna spend the first morning of the new year with my boyfriend,” she answered; Harry’s heart flipped. 

“Okay. Let me just get changed and I’ll be there.” 

“Don’t keep me waiting,” Luci said seductively, leaving a small gap between the door and the frame. Harry gulped, overthinking her words because she could’ve meant anything, but her face said otherwise as she teasingly bit her lip and practically undressed him with her eyes. 

With her words in mind, Harry quickly changed into his silk striped blue pajama pants with a black sweater over his torso, since it was still freezing inside the building, and he brushed his teeth and washed his face before walking back over to Luci’s place and locking it. Excitement flowed through him as he walked to her bedroom, thinking about the possibilities of what their night would contain. But as he entered her bedroom, there she was—his beautiful girlfriend—sleeping under the covers. She managed to change into her sleepwear, which was just a t-shirt and sweats, but she hadn’t taken off her makeup yet, and she was going to hate herself for it in the morning. 

Harry smiled as his eagerness to be on top of her and touch her body had faltered while he watched her. He walked to the restroom to grab a makeup wipe, and he kneeled on the floor to carefully wipe the contents of makeup off her face; the cold cloth that rubbed against her skin caused her to wake from her sleep. 

“Harry?” 

“I’m here, love. Just getting the makeup off your face.” He continued wiping her face, folding the wipe in half for the cleaner side. 

Luci smiled lazily at him. “Thank you. We could still have sex—sorry I fell asleep.” Harry held in his laugh. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. 

“You don’t want to have sex anymore?” Her voice slightly cracked, thinking he had completely made up his mind about it. 

“I do, trust me, I still want to, but not right now. Some other time, yeah? We’re both exhausted, and I think you’re a little drunk.” He chuckled. “So let’s not force it, is that alright?” 

His answer seemed to satisfy her as she nodded, closing her eyes again as sleep took over. Once Harry was done, he threw the makeup wipe away before he grabbed a small towel cloth, dampening it with warm water before lightly wiping her face to take away the extra makeup that was left and the weird feeling of the makeup wipe. He then grabbed her moisturizer—her skincare routine he’d watched multiple times—before smoothing it out on her skin; he also applied chapstick and put some on her lips because she had told him once that when her lips go chapped, it always distracted her and overall hated when her lips were dry. 

When he was finished, he quickly grabbed a glass of water, downing it as he sighed in relief because he’d felt so dehydrated since their night had started; Harry also grabbed a glass for Luci, setting it on her bedside table just in case she woke up parched. He got under the covers next to her, shifting over to Luci’s side of the bed and resting his head on the same pillow as her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and buried his face in the back of her neck, taking in her intoxicating scent that he always loved. 

For a few minutes, Harry tried to fall asleep, but he wasn’t himself; instead, his mind had replayed the events at the club—when he asked the girl in his arms to be his girlfriend. He liked Luci…a lot; and something had taken over his mind that was screaming at him, telling him to just ask because it was the perfect moment to, and he was so glad that he did because she said ‘yes’ and she was his. 

His heart hadn’t stopped flipping ever since that moment. But if he was being honest, though, he was scared. The overthinking had only arrived once he laid his head on the soft but firm pillow as his mind went into overdrive. He thought about the conversation prior to leaving for the club, where Luci told him that she was going to be gone for four to five months to film and that he had an out if he wanted it. In different lifetimes or events, maybe he would’ve called it quits—to end it before either of them got attached, although they were already quite attached to one another—but he didn’t. He told her that he was going to support her, that he wanted to be with her. He was afraid, even though she didn’t have a clue that he was scared, but he was. Neither of them knew what the universe had in line for them, and maybe this relationship was going to be a bad idea later on. But if you continuously hold onto that fear, you’d never know the beauty and all of the good things in a relationship.  

Neither Luci or Harry knew what was coming for them, but they were going in head first. 

Asking Luci to be his girlfriend had broken him out of a hard protective shell because ultimately, he didn’t want to live in fear anymore. He wanted to push away the nagging voice that was living in the back of his mind out of his head. Life was too damn short to be living in fear, he’d learned. Experiences and life awaited until he stepped outside of that box. 

He wanted to be present, so that was exactly what he was going to do; he would leave the future conversations and events for the future since those events respectively occurred in a different time. But this was now; he’d gotten the most beautiful woman he had ever laid his eyes on, and that beautiful woman was his girlfriend. 

Luci slightly groaned, turning around in his arms. Her eyes were still closed but she mumbled, “Harry.” 

“Yes, Ci?” 

“Hold me tighter,” she softly murmured against his chest. 

As much as he was already hugging her, he complied and tightened his arms around her as she softly snored against him, completely unaware of the brief conversation that had just occurred. 

“I’ll hold onto you for as long as you want me to.” 

allll the feels :’) come talk to me about your thoughts, feelings, and your favorite scenes and moments! thank you for reading <3 next chapter will be up next saturday!

[ldyinblckmsk]

Always the extra, never the lead

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x F! Reader

Genre: Angst

Words: 1.8k

A/N: Hey, guys! I'm back hoho serving another angst (if you squint your eyes lol). I hope I broke your heart or makes you feel pain or sad coz that's what i wanna make you feel while you read my piece oftrash. This plot is plaguing mah mind. Also, the title sucks lolololol I can't think of anything argh!

Enjoy :)

It's funny how people cheer themselves up by thinking that they are the main character of their own story. You think that it's  ridiculous to give themselves a fake hope while the fact that the cycle of their story doesn't change anything. They'll never be the protagonist, no matter how hard they try to be one.

That's why you gave up, right. You settle yourself to be just a bystander, watching the main roles act their piece under the big spotlight. Watching the man you love entranced by the stare of the girl he likes. See, it's not you. Because, after all, as much as you wanted to be the Cinderella or Snow White or any other damnsel in distress, he'll never be the prince that will save you. You're just an extra.

Confess your profounding love to him? You already thought of it and considering the consequences of it, you're just a coward who didn't want to jeopardize the only relationship you had with him. You're fine with being his bestfriend. At least, you still have an excuse to be at his house until midnight just hanging out with him. You can still wear his hoodies  and imagine yourself acting like how the other girls did to their significant other.

That until she came.

He spent less time hanging out with you. He rarely even talks to you and ask if you're still breathing. As if all of a sudden, every memories you spent with him vanished like a bubble when the narrator introduced his leading lady. Of course, you were jealous, infuriating to be honest, she stole your man, the ash blond you were crushing since you laid your eyes on him. And the thing that makes you go insane is the fact that you don't have the right to be angry because he's not yours to claim.

The only thing you can do is sit there and let yourself drown in pain. Pretend that you're fine with the set-up and act normal. You didn't want to mess up the play, don't you?

Fine, my ass. You're not a masochist.

They're still not together, that means she's not his either.  They're still at the phase of knowing each other, so you still have a chance to confess. There's no way that they already fall in love with each other that fast.

Here you are in his room, laying comfortably on the silky sheets of his bed, staring at the ceiling. You just invite yourself to his house.

"Hey, dumbass! Are you even listening to me?" His voice snapped you out of trance. "I'm sorry. I got a lil dizzy for a sec. What were you saying?"

"You alright?" The hint of concern on his voice didn't go unnoticed by you and you just cherish this moment that way you always do. Your breath hitched when you felt his cold hands touch your forehead, his other hand on his comparing your temperature. The small act of friendship makes your blood rush to your cheeks.

"Geez. I'm fine, Katsu." You rolled your eyes at him, swatting his hand away. As much as you want to prolong the skinship, you didn't want to make yourself become a flustered mess. "Now, what were you saying?" You propped your head with both hands under your chin, as you roll on his bed now laying flat on your stomach.

"I said are you coming with me this Friday night. We're just going to eat." You looked at him suspiciously. For a second, your heart triumphs.

"Wow, you already want to see me again."

"Tch. Just say yes or no, idiot." You chuckled at his scowling face. "Just admit that you missed me, grumpy-chan."

"You're a pain in the ass."

And just like that, you didn't have any decent to sleep as you were so excited for Friday to roll. Whatever plan he has, you can't help but to think that it's like he's asking you to go out with him. Ignoring the second line he said, you let yourself dive in fantasy.

It's Thursday and you're still conflicted on what to wear, you asked for help of your friends. Surprisingly, they agreed to help you right away without raising their brows and questioning you about the date with the 'mystery man'. 'Cause they already know who it was, just from how eager you look.

Your love for the blond isn't news to them. Being classmates and friends for almost three years, they already knew how your mind works though they didn't really know how frenzy and complicated the wires in it. They just know the surface of it.

"How about this?" Mina showed you the haltered red dress that ends just above your knee. You decided on it right away which makes your friend shakes their head at your eagerness. After that, you're just casually having fun, giving you advices and tips on your so-called date from their experience.

You saw him leaning on his car, permanent scowl on his face while constantly checking his phone. You eyed him from your position, awe struck at the ravishing aura he oozes. The white dress shirt he's wearing highlights the muscle he workrd so hard to built. He looks so clean and sinful at the same time.

"There you are, grumpy-chan!" You walked towards him slowly, smacking his back as your usual greeting, smile plastered on your face with the hint of blush spreading on your cheeks. You watched him stunned for a while, eyes roaming to your body. "About fucking time. Let's go."

You were surprised when he opened the door for you but you just shake it off. He's gentle, seems like his careful with his actions.

He glanced at you for a moment before he went inside the car. His heart went wild when he saw you. He thought you looked prettier when you dressed up. He always saw you wearing baggy shirts that's why when you showed up with that tight dress he malfunctioned for a bit. You looked bold and sexy like a predator hunting its prey, quite opposite from the girl he's pining. He shakes the thoughts of you away as he began to drive.

Akiya is full of sunshine and rainbows. She's sweet and looks vulnerable like an antique dishware that needs to be taken care of. And he has the great urge to protect the quirkless girl. Funny, how he was so bully to Deku being quirkless and  here he was falling for one.

He was so upset to himself when he found out his stupid affection to the girl. Their constant talking amd bubbly personality made it possible to like her. But everytime he's with her, his mind straying away to your well-being. He knew that you have feelings for him but he didn't dig further because you're not vocal about it. With how much his time was spent with you, he cared deeply for you. He loves you, of course, but it isn't like kind of love you felt for him.

After sorting out those endless thoughts, still, his adoration for Akira weighs more than your friendship.

That's why he's inviting you to dinner with him.

The anxiety is bubbling up inside you. The look on his face screams that there's something going on inside his head that you're not ready to unravel. Call it instinct but something feels odd. The ambience around you doesn't suit your guts. You're beyond happy that you're having a good time with him but there's this unsettling feeling that's eating your inside.

Is this what you think it is?

He's the one who initiates the conversation first, sensing the awkwardness in your table. Feeling blue, you just answered him with nods and short words. Clenching your jaw as you forced yourself to smile naturally. It's not really that difficult for you to do it since you are good at hiding.

The dinner was served and you just sat there, eating in silence. You don't dare move your eyes from your plate. You felt him checking on you for the nth time of the night then followed by a sigh.

You fucking knew it. Your grip on the knife was tight while slicing the tender beef. You're silently praying that you'll have the control of your emotions tonight. The night is still young but the 'date' is nearing to end. 

"Y/n, just don't fucking talk and listen to me." His hand combing his spiky hair in frustration. He didn't know how to break it to you without hurting you. "What's with the serious talk, grumpy-chan? It's not like you, ya know." You laughed.

"I said I'll do the talking, idiot." You rolled your eyes at his remark."You know Akiya, right?"

"Uh, yeah, she's the girl you like, right." You said with an obvious tone in your voice, smiling, almost seemed like you're teasing him. Almost. Because the bitterness you felt left a hint on your voice.

Silence. No one dared to speak. Not because of your last statement. It seems like gods are not in the mood to heed your prayer as you desperately trying to stop the tears that you didn't know were already falling. You inhaled deeply, calming yourself down, slowly accepting your defeat.

You were the one that breaks the eerie silence. "So, you two are already together. Is that what were you going to say to me? Or is there anything el–" 

Oh.

Realization strucks your chords. How can you be so fucking simpleton? A small laugh leaves your mouth while nodding your head crazily, new batch of tears forming in your eyes. He only watched you, confused.

"Oh my god! You fucking knew it. Am I right?"

"Y/n–"

"I'm a clown. You knew I love you yet–" You laughed again. People gaze at your direction, feeling pity at your state. You are mess right now.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Yes, I knew it. I knew your feelings but your my bestfriend for fuck's sake!" He raised his voice, bloodshot eyes lingering at your form.

As if like you flipped your switch, you looked at him with blank eyes, no emotions were found as you speak to him. "Is it entertaining? Is it funny to watch me make a fool of myself? Am I stroking your ego when I looked at you with fucking heart eyes huh, Bakugou? Tell me."

"That's why I'm fucking talking to you right now. I want you to stop it. I need you to stop loving me because I can't reciprocate it...I love Akiya."

"I know! Don't fucking rub it on my face. I know it. I already knew it! Okay? And yet here I am still fucking hoping that there's still a chance." You're desperately trying to sound fine, wishing for your voice not to crack. "I-I'm still fucking praying that I wish it's me. Why the hell it can't be me? Why, Katsuki?"

No, you're not going to break down in front of him. That will be last tears you'll shed. You shut your eyes tightly, regaining your control over your emotions. You didn't spare a glance at him, looking yourself at your mirror while retouching your make-up. You grabbed your phone, texting Mina to pick you up while you're talk to him. "Just so you know, I'm not going to cut ties with you. If that's what you're worried about. I'm still your friend, dropping the 'best'."

You looked up at him, eyes meeting his for the last time. You saw his pained expression, clenching his jaw when he looked away.  You get up, ready to leave. "Another thing, next time when you reject someone don't do it over a fancy dinner. That just gives them a false hope and that's fucking painful." You chuckled.

Bitter smile plastered on your face,  you prepare yourself for the conclusion of the story. Walking to his side, you bend to him while placing a kiss on his cheek, whispering your final dialogue as the side character.

"Goodbye, grumpy-chan."

[witched-the-watcher]

Geralt and Yennefer are living their well earned happily ever after and Jaskier is mortal. Jaskier is happy for Yen and Geralt after everything is said and done. Together with Ciri they brought peace to the land and finally made their relationship work after much hardships. It is a hard won decision, but Geralt, tired of all the fighting, decides agrees to take a break from being a witcher and just retire for a while with Yennefer by his side exploring and enjoying their new relationship.

The plan for their retirement doesn’t involve Jaskier and he doesn’t ask to accompany them. This is the ending of their story and he was never a protagonist. Side characters have no role in the happily ever after and he came to terms with a long time ago. All of them walk together side by side not quite ready yet to say their goodbyes. In his heart he knows it will be the last time they’re together like this, but he refuses to say the words out loud clinging to the hope that he will see them all again. The immortals by his side don’t notice the inner conflict, he hides with song and laughter.

First to go is Ciri, who has become like a daughter to him over the years even if the sentiment isn’t quite shared. To her, he ponders, he must be more like a fun uncle she can turn to when she needs a break from Geralt and Yen. He gladly gives her everything she needs and asks for and is so proud of the strong woman he helped raise. When she depards, eager to find her own place in the world, she leaves them alone in a clearing far enough from Kaer Morhen for Yen to use her portals.

Who would’ve thought the witch would grew on him so much over the years. A deep and chaotic friendship connects them now and knowing she finally found the love she’s been looking for all her life fills him with joy. The jealousy he used to feel towards her seems an eternity away. She deserves all the love she’s getting and gives so much back in return. Thanks to her hardly a day goes by without Geralt smiling and even with his smiles mostly directed at Ciri and Yen, Jaskier can’t find it in his heart to be discontent.

Geralt, grown so very soft compared to their beginning, initiates a hug and Jaskier allows himself to indulge in a fantasy of what could’ve been and never was. He imagines a life full of secret glances and stolen touches, whispered confessions over the campfire and a warm bed to return to. He imagines Geralt turning his embrace into a passionate kiss asking him to run away with him somewhere far away and then he lets go.

“See you around, Geralt.” He says with a smile as Yen leaves with him through a portal and he is left alone on the clearing.

Tears he held back for weeks flow freely down his cheeks now that there is no one is see and Jaskier takes his time to collect himself again before starting his journey again. It’s nearly dusk already and he should start putting it all into song. Audiences love a good happy end. 

His bones ache.

Time passes and the story of the witcher, the mage and the lioness becomes a legend, told and sung about far and wide. Jaskier has spend his last active years as a bard spinning them into an epic tale immortalising them for all generations to come. He can’t stand the thought of the world forgetting the trio and their deeds.

Yen and Geralt have all but disappeared from the face of the earth, but Ciri keeps up with him those first few year through letters and visits. She is a busy woman however and with time their contacts becomes few and far between until they cease completely around the time Jaskier decides to move to the coast to live out the last of his years.

He doesn’t blame her. She, like her parents, wasn’t made for a mortal life and why would you count the decades if you’ll live for centuries. By the time they will think of him again, he can only hope his songs will be enough for them to remember him by. 

Living by the sea is all that he thought it would be. He loves the unpredictable beauty of the ocean, the stormy winds and the salty air. The people are rough but merry and welcome the old rich professor from the big city with open arms, even though he’s grown completely useless over the years. His time as a bard is long since over and neither his hands nor his voice allow him to create the music he prides himself in anymore. All he has left are the stories of his youth, that he gladly shares with everyone in town.

One late spring day a big commotion is running through the little coastal town. A witcher has arrived and everyone is excited. They heard the heroic songs and stories about witchers and want to catch glimpse of the living legend. As the oldest in town and the only one who has any experiences with magic folk the townspeople steal him out of his cozy home and bring him out to talk and negotiate with the witcher.

He sees Geralt standing in the middle of the market square surrounded by curious and excited people of all ages, who dare not approach him just yet except for a couple of children held back by their parents. He is scowling. Of course he is scowling, Jaskier thinks as his heart begins to soar again. He tries telling himself that he is far too old for such silly romantic feelings, but he knows that him giving up on romance is just as likely as Geralt giving up on scowling.

The witcher has obviously been in a fight. His clothes are torn and there are bite and scratch marks all over his body. The people must’ve told Geralt to wait for him before talking to anyone because as he arrives inside the circle Geralt immediately faces him clearly annoyed at the whole procedure and asks

“You’re the elder here?”

Jaskier nods dumbfounded. For once in his life he does not quite know what to say as he tries to keep the tears from falling. Geralt clearly doesn’t recognize him as old and wrinkled as he is and Jaskier isn’t sure if he wants him to or not. Age has always been a bit of a sore spot considering the ageless company he liked to keep. In his youth he tried everything to look as young as possible but not even the best moisturizer in the world could help him now, he thinks slightly bitter as Geralt continues.

“Finished the job. I want my coin and place to stay for the night.”

The job? Jaskier is momentarily baffled. As far as he knows there were no monsters around except for the couple of teenage mermaid messing with the fishermen for the last couple of weeks but surely they couldn’t have banged up Geralt this badly.

“With the job you mean the mermaids?” He asks carefully trying to keep his voice steady.

“Hmm” Geralt grunts as eloquent as ever and Jaskier loses it and starts laughing. Decades later and Geralt still thinks “hmm” is a good enough answer to give. Decades later and Jaskier still understands him perfectly. He loves this beautiful idiot so much it hurts.

The way to the square and seeing Geralt again has tired Jaskier out and he needs to sit down. Thankfully someone in the crowd already brought a chair expecting him to need a rest after this encounter and guides him gently to sit down. Jaskier would’ve thanked the man if it weren’t for the fact that he’s still wheezing thinking about Geralt’s most recent heroic fight.

“You got beat up by a bunch of teenagers? How out of shape are you? You know you were just supposed to scare them a bit, right?” Jaskier manages to spit out in between his giggles.

“Now listen here, old man. You don’t-” Geralt starts through gritted teeth, unamused, only to be interrupted by Jaskier’s continuous laughter.

“Old man? Really, Geralt. We both know you’re much older than me in age and in spirit.”

Jaskier can see Geralt freeze up, confusion and dread slowly overtaking his expression but he continues talking unperturbed. Let Geralt figure it out for himself

“Seriously though you must’ve really let you go in your retirement. Yen’s magic made you lazy didn’t it? Please don’t tell me you’re hiding a potbelly unter all those armor. No, no Yen wouldn’t let you get one, I’m sure, but for you to lose your touch so completely. You must admit this is pretty hilarious.”

Tears have filled Jaskier’s eyes and he tries to wipe them away struggling to keep his laughter under control. Meanwhile, Geralt stumbles a bit, so out of place for the normally unfaced witcher. His eyes have grown wide in shock and his face pale. It’s proof enough for Jaskier that Geralt really didn’t realise how much time has passed between them and he feels lighter, relieved knowing Geralt hasn’t meant to forget about him for so many years. Who is he to judge Geralt for getting caught in the storm of love, when he’s standing here before him looking so vulnerable and scared all of a sudden. 

“J-Jaskier?” Geralt stutters in a fragile whisper and Jaskier’s heart clenches in his chest. Seeing him like this is hurting the witcher and there’s nothing he can do about except for making light of the situation and smiling through it just like in the good old days.

“Took you long enough, old friend. I was already scared you might’ve gotten forgetful in your old age.” He teases and notices the murmurs and stares of the bystanders all around them. In a dramatic motion he raises his hands and tries to shoo everyone away.

“All of you scram. Shoo! Let me catch up with Geralt in peace. Satisfy your curiosity tomorrow after the poor man had a proper bath. And you,” He faces Geralt again and waves him over. “Come here and help me up, will you. You can stay at my place for the night. Melitele knows I could use the company.”

Oh, he shouldn’t have said that, Jaskier notes grimly as Geralt winces slightly at his words. He promises to be better and make this visit count. It’s unlikely that he’ll have another chance to be with Geralt like this and tainting their last time together with thoughtless remarks and accusation just would not do. He wants his love to have some good memories when he thinks of this in the future.

Almost mechanically Geralt obeys and ,unnoticed by anyone but him, hesitates only for a second before helping him him up.

“My house is not far but this might take a while. I’m not as fast on my feet as I used to be. But then neither are you it seems.” He says with a laugh gesturing at Geralt’s torn clothes. The only retort he gets is a grumpy growl as he links his arm with the witcher’s using him as a crutch and leaning into him just a little bit more than absolutely necessary.

The people scatter around them some slightly disappointed but mostly cheerful. Jaskier knows the town will go and prepare a surprise feast for tomorrow with Geralt as the guest of honor. And Geralt will pretend to hate it as much as he will secretly enjoy all the positive attention he’ll be getting. They make their way towards his house and it’s once again up to Jaskier to fill the silence. He tells Geralt about the town and its people, acutely aware of the stares Geralt is giving him. It must be hard for the witcher to see him like this all frail and wrinkled. 

“I may not have your magical witcher senses but even I can feel your staring, Geralt. What’s the matter?” Jaskier asks knowing full well the reason behind his behaviour. 

Sometimes Geralt needs to be forced to talk or else his quiet brooding will consume him and every attempt at conversation will be for naught. To Jaskier’s surprise however one question is enough to make him talk. Looks like he’s not the only one who changed a bit over the years.

“You look old.” Geralt blurts out, making Jaskier raise an eyebrow. “Yeees, that’s because I am old. Very old in fact. Still younger than you of course, but not everyone can be an ageless immortal like you.” He responds. Geralt has to do a little better than that.

“No, I mean you look older. You never looked older before. I didn’t realise how long it’s been. I forgot…" 

Regret oozes out of Geralt’s words and he doesn’t bother hiding it. It reminds Jaskier of his apology after the mountain disaster and he’d much rather not be reminded of that chapter of his life again, so he takes pity on Geralt and continues for him.

"You forgot that I’m just mortal. That I’m ageing like a normal human. I don’t blame you, my dear. Back then I was obsessed with looking young and terrified of growing older. Thought you wouldn’t want me around if I wasn’t uh pretty enough anymore." 

Geralt tries to interrupt him, likely for things he already knows or god forbid to apologize again for the mountain incident but Jaskier simply shushes him and keeps going.

"That was a load of horse dung of course. You should’ve seen me in my sixties, Geralt. I was the most sought after professor in Oxenfurt history. I broke so many hearts in those days.”

He sighs dramatically. “I gave the distinguished gentleman look a whole new meaning. Turns out graying hair and a couple of wrinkles just made me look more dashing. Even you wouldn’t have been able to resist my charms.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Geralt answers sounding amused and the thought of Geralt visiting him back in Oxenfurt makes him stumble. 

It had been a foolish fantasy of his. He used to imagine Geralt finding him in Oxenfurt during a lecture and suddenly becoming captivated by his new more mature side. After the lecture Geralt would be overcome with passion and drag him into a side corner, kiss him and apologize for how long it took to seek him out again. It would’ve been worth the wait.

Geralt holds him steady and helps him catch his footing. He is pretty winded after their short walk and needs a moment to catch his breath.

“You don’t have to take my word for it. There’s a painting of me in Oxenfurt somewhere on the campus. You should check it out next time you’re there.”

“I will. I promise.” Geralt says looking at Jaskier with an honest expression.

He feels heat rising in his cheeks and splutters. “Eh, um right well. Ah, here we are. My house. It’s not much but enough for an old man like me. Let’s go in.”

A bath was already waiting for them when they arrived. Marie, his housekeeper, had rushed home as soon as she heard Geralt would be staying with him and made the necessary preparation. He hired her some years back to help him around the house after he broke his leg in a stubborn attempt to do everything himself despite his age. His leg healed but Marie stayed. At least twice a day she comes around to cook him food, take care of the chores and keep him company for a bit. 

After Jaskier introduces her to Geralt and thanks her for her efforts she excuses herself to cook dinner leaving both men alone once again only a bath between them. He carefully sits down on the stool next to the bathtub and makes a silent note to give Marie a raise as Geralt undresses and gets in. Sexual pleasure might be beyond him now but her can still appreciate the form and Geralt even after decades of retirement is a sight to behold. He wonders briefly, while admiring the muscles before him, if witchers were even capable of losing their well toned bodies. Imagining Geralt skinny with no muscles or as big and soft man however does nothing to make him look any less appealing in Jaskier’s mind and he absentmindedly pours some of Geralt’s favourite bath oils into the water. 

An old routine is overtaking them and for a moment Jaskier forgets about his aching bones and brittle body. Feeling young again he prepares to help Geralt wash and hums a little melody. 

A silly little song he once came up with a couple of years into their friendship. Just the two of them under the night sky, a warm fire illuminating their camp as they had one too many drinks. He was teasing Geralt about something insignificant and Geralt retorted by singing a couple of lines back to him. The alcohol relaxing him enough to smile at Jaskier and with a sudden clarity the bard realised that he wasn’t feeling the simple fleeting infatuation he was used to, but something different entirely. Something true and lasting and all consuming. This was the love he sang about in his songs and had yet to fully grasp. This was the kind of love that could push him up to the greatest heights or leave him wanting forevermore. He listened to more of Geralt’s tone deaf singing and let himself fall, damn the consequences.

“I missed this” Geralt says relaxing into the bathtub.

You couldn’t have missed it that much or you would’ve come to see me sooner, Jaskier doesn’t say, instead he replies with a simple “Me too” and gently pushes Geralt’s head into the water.

“It’s a shame you cut your hair though.” He continues running his hands through the white hair. “Washing it was always my favourite part.”

“I forgot to take care of it and after a while it got all tangled up. Had to cut it in the end.” Geralt explains and Jaskier rolls his eyes exasperated.

“I spend so much time and money caring for your luscious white locks and you just forgot. I can’t believe it. My poor beautiful white hair. Where was Yen in all of this? I know she knows how to take care of long hair. How could she let this happen?”

Geralt lets out a chuckle that leaves him breathless as he glances at him with an oh so fond smile on his stupidly handsome face.

“She’s fine with me as long as I don’t smell too badly. You’re the only person invested enough in my personal hygiene to help me bathe.”

Jaskier, embarrassed, slaps a bunch of soap on Geralt’s head as a response and starts massaging it in. Geralt however moves away from his touch and takes Jaskier’s hands in his examining them carefully.

“You don’t have to do this.” Geralt frowns, worry in his eyes. “They must hurt.”

“They don’t. They’re just a bit stiff and hard to move. You won’t hear me play the lute anytime soon but this I can still do.” He reassures him. Today is one of the good days and meeting Geralt made him feel much more energized than usual. He can barely feel his aching joints and the moment.

“Now turn around like a good boy and let me have my fun.” He orders and Geralt obeys with a hmm.

After the the bath they treat the worst of Geralt’s few remaining wounds and make their way to the kitchen. Marie left their dinner neatly on the table before leaving for the day most likely to help the others out with the preparations for tomorrow.

They eat in comfortable as sun sets through the window illuminating the small room in orange hues. Jaskier doesn’t have much of an appetite and leaves his food for later in favour of watching Geralt eat. Neither him nor Yen knew how to cook anything more complicated than plain vegetable soup and from the way Geralt is devouring Marie’s cooking they haven’t bothered to learn it in his absence either. Idiots,the both of them.

“What are you smiling at?” Geralt asks him noticing him staring.

Jaskier ignores the question and proposes to go outside and watch the sunset instead. A couple of minutes later Geralt finishes eating and helps him around the house to the backyard and onto the bench facing the ocean. He had to be carried for most of the way there, his legs giving out under him at last. It’s been a long and he’s exhausted, only the thought of Geralt finally being at his side again keeping him awake.

Jaskier leans against the other man resting his head on his shoulder and watches the ocean waves move back and forth glistering under setting sun.

This is it, he thinks, this is what pleases me. He had been right all those years ago on the mountain when opened his heart to Geralt and asked him give him a chance to prove himself. A quiet life like this, just the two of them and the sea, would’ve been enough to calm his yearning heart.

“You’re quiet.” Geralt remarks, breaking the serene silence.

“Hmm.” He teases but Geralt’s mind is somewhere else. He seems uneasy, concerned.

“Have you ever been married? Are there any children?” The witcher blurts out blunt as ever-

The questions make him chuckle. “Of course not.”

“Why not?” Geralt pushes. “You said you had a lot of admirers back in Oxenfurt. There must’ve been opportunities.”

“Certainly.” He agrees lightheartedly and pats Geralt’s arm. “But how could I marry someone else when my heart already belonged to you. That wouldn’t have been fair.”

Geralt’s face crumbles. “Jaskier, I-”

“Oh don’t give me that look, Geralt.” He interrupts him. “We both know you’re much more observant than people give you credit for and I’ve never made loving you a secret.”

Jaskier takes Geralt’s hand in his and places a kiss on his knuckles.

“I never once regretted it. Any of it. So please no more apologies, my love.”

“Okay.” Geralt whispers and squeezes his hand tightly in response letting silence fall between them once again.

Okay, Jaskier repeats in his mind as he closes his eyes for the last time to the sound of the waves and the wind and Geralt’s slow and steady heartbeat. He is happy like this. It’s good enough.

[abduct-me-helen]

Class 108's Apocalypse Field Trip | Chapter 4.

“So, are we going to talk about it? Or….” Martin asked, looking at Jon with an expression he found he couldn’t decipher. The chatter of class 108 filled the comfortable silence that would usually occupy them on their journey.

“About what?” Jon avoided the question, turning his head back to check on the rest of the class. They’d originally formed two lines, headed by Jon at the front of both and Martin at the back. That had quickly fallen apart, and now they were more of a…blob, if anything.

Martin gave him a look. “I still don’t know how you’re smiting things here! I was about to ask you before we came across the school, but I decided it was best to wait until we calmed down a bit.”

“I-I killed it. I have the power, so I…so I killed it.” Jon turned his head away, facing decidedly frontwards.

“Yeah, but like, how? I’m-I’m sorry, I just don’t understand what actually happened.” Martin gestured, confused and frustrated.

“I-It’s hard to explain. We’re coming upon a domain of the,” he grimaced, memories of dirt and choking and pressure momentarily overtaking him, “buried. I would really rather-”

The sound of knocking cut him off, and the squeak of hinges made everyone silent. Static crackled, and Katie, ever alert, got out her knife just before Rosie silently directed everyone to draw their “weapons.”

Jon didn’t know what a pencil sharpener would do to the distortion, but he didn’t want to find out.

Martin turned, confused at why the quiet had set in. “What-”

“Look down, Martin.”

“Oh.” He paused, startled. “Wait, what?”

“No one get to close!” He called, running his hands through his hair and sighing. “Hello, Helen.”

“Oh, Hello! In a better mood now, are we? Feeling safer now that you know how to kill? And you’ve got a whole gang with you! How exiting.” Her eyes seemed to light up, literally.

“YEET.” Tabitha threw a pencil sharpener at Helen, but her body seemed to twist and absorb it in impossible ways, making Tabitha’s head hurt. She shook it off. “Stay away from us! Begone thot!”

The rest of the class began to recite various vines in agreement.

“GET REKT!” “YOUR MOM’S A HOE!” “WALK AWAYAHAYAHAYHAY”

Martin facepalmed. Jon exhaled, forcing down the urge to scream.

Helen blinked, then her mouth pulled into an impossible grin. “You’ve got quite a crowd here, don’t you Archivist?”

Jon narrowed his eyes. “Touch them, and I will end you.”

Helen laughed and echoing laugh that hurt his ears. “Oh, Archivist. You really have grown! But no, I’m here for a chat. We are friends, aren’t we archivist? Allies?”

He gritted his teeth. “Sure.”

Martin butted in. “Will you tell me how he did it?”

“Martin-” Jon protested.

“He just keeps on being all vague about it.” Martin complained. Helen seemed to light up.

“Oh goodness. You see what you’ve done to the poor boy, Jon? He’s coming to me for answers.” She cackled, and Jon glowered.

“Shut up.” He said.

She giggled. “It is very satisfying though, isn’t it? Teasing the vague information? You can see why Elias got a kick out of it.”

“Elias?” Rosie questioned. “Isn’t that your boss?”

“That’s Eyeball Daddy’s sugar baby.” Tabitha told her. Rosie made an ‘ah’ noise of recognition.

Helen cackled in delight. “That’s what you’re calling him? Oh, I like you.” She grinned, and Tabitha made an awkward face. What was she supposed to do, when she’d somehow won the favor of an eldritch door person?

Take it like a champ, I guess, she thought.

“Don’t.” Martin said protectively.

“Don’t what, love?” Helen asked, batting her eyelashes. (Literally, bats flew out of them).

“Whatever you’re thinking of doing, stay away from them.” Helen pouted as Martin finished.

“But you aren’t any fun.” She said, her mouth curled downward in mock sadness.

“Look-just, just explain. Please.” Martin changed the subject, imploring her to alleviate his confusion. Jon glowered, but stayed decidedly still.

“Well,” she began, sporting a sharp grin, “We’re all here, Martin. The Stranger, the Buried, the Desolation, all of us. But the Eye still rules. All this fear is being performed for its benefit. And so, there are now exactly two roles available in this new world of ours: The Watcher, and the Watched. Subject, and object. Those who are feared, and those who are afraid. And John, well-he is part of the Eye. A very important part. And he’s able to, shall we say, shift its focus. Turn the one into the other. And for those of us whose very existence relies on being feared, well: to be turned into a victim destroys us utterly. And very, very painfully.”

A silence fell over everyone, before Cypress broke it.

“So, what you’re saying is, the clap of his ass cheeks alerted the Eye?” He questioned, ginger curls bobbing as he tilted his head.

“Eyeball Daddy.” Raphi muttered.

Helen sported a look of delight, before cackling once again. She wiped a tear from her eye, and Rosie noted that it was the color of a highlighter. As it fell to the ground, the grass it came in contact with seemed to glow.

“You really are fun!” She declared gleefully. “Archivist, for someone so dour you certainly have lively company. Who are all of you then?” Her head twisted unnaturally in interest.

Elliot instinctively looked to Rosie, and shrugged when he met her eyes. Her own were narrowed in thought, before she shook her head. Helen grinned.

“Oh! A smart one. But no, I’m not a fae and you are, regrettably, protected by our Archivist.” She sighed dramatically.

Jon ran a hand through his hair. “She’s right.” Helen lit up. Really. She glowed.

Tabitha, ever curious, tilted her head. “I’m Tabitha. Are you with the smexy weed?”

“The smexy weed?” Helen asked, unapologetically amused, “whatever do you mean?”

Cal let out a short laugh and Katie rolled her eyes.

“The one that makes you high.” Elliot intoned (un)helpfully.

Martin groaned. “Wh-you know what. I’m just going to leave it.”

Helen was grinning now. “Yes! I’m with the Spiral, or the smexy weed, if you prefer!”

“Dope.” Elliot said, and Rosie raised an eyebrow.

“Wait a second,” Martin spoke, putting his hands up and turning to Jon, “why were you being so cryptid about it anyway? It doesn’t seem very complicated so I don’t know why you were being so coy about-”

“Because I’m ashamed, Martin.” Jon cut him off, sighing and clenching his jaw.

“Ashamed?!”

“Yes! Ashamed of the fact that I just-destroyed the world and have been rewarded for it, the fact that-I can walk safe through all this horror I’ve created like a…fucking tourist, destroying whoever I please. The fact that I…enjoyed it, and…the fact that there are so many others that I want to revenge myself on!”

A pall of silence fell over them.

“Mr. Sims?” Cypress spoke.

Jon sighed. “Yes?”

“You said the fuck word.” Cypress informed him solemnly. The rest of the class nodded.

“That’s what you take from that?!” Jon said exasperatedly.

“Well, I mean, about what you said, I actually think you’re good on that front.” Cypress said hesitantly.

“What?”

“Yeah, I, I, I think we should go for it, get our murder on!” Cal exclaimed. They’d been silent nearly the entire time, naturally a shy person and even quieter when scared. Rosie raised an eyebrow, and Tabitha cheered, slinging an arm over their shoulders.

“Yes Cal! You go!” Tabitha high fived them.

“I agree with that.” Martin spoke, surprising Jon.

“How-what?” Jon said incredulously.

“Yes Martin!” Helen cheered, delighted by this new development.

“Th-this isn’t like it was before! We’re not talking about innocent bystanders in cafes here, John; these things are-th-they’re just evil, plain and simple, and right now they’re torturing and tormenting everyone!  If you want to stop them and have the power to, then-then, then yeah, let’s do it, let’s go full Kill Bill!”

“I-I haven’t seen it.” Jon breathed in surprised.

“Oh, Martin, I am so proud of you. Can I come too?” Helen asked ecstatically.

“No.” All of class 108 intoned.

Helen pouted. “So mean! I take it back, you’re no fun at all.”

“Coming from you, I would think that a good thing.” Rosie pointed out as Sydney nodded her agreement.

Helen sighed dramatically. “Fair, fair. I think I’ll take my leave, now. Don’t be a stranger!”

The creaking of the impossible, yellow door signals her exit, and Tabitha’s eyes widen.

“Guys!” she exclaims, face bright with a new, disastrous idea. Katie groans preemptively. “We should do a Tiktok with her!”

-

Regrettably, Tabitha’s idea was immediately shut down, and they soon continued on their path until Jon came to a stop, gritting his teeth.

“We’re here.”

He’d explained that they’d have to cross through multiple nightmares in order to reach the Panopticon, along with the statements he’d have to give. Though Sydney had wondered, she hadn’t asked if he knew the whereabouts of any of her classmates.

She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know.

No, that was a lie. Above anything else, Tabitha needed knowledge like water. She felt incomplete without it, whatever the cost of that knowledge would be. She would rather mourn a death then be ignorant and happy.

“Are you going to…?” Martin prompted, and Jon nodded, sighing.

“You should all leave while I-”

“No.” Rosie and Tabitha intoned at once, looking at each other surprised.

“Why not?” Martin questioned, wondering why anyone would want to have to listen to that.

“I…,” Rosie breathed, “you said this was about the Buried, right?”

“Y-yes.” Jon stammered, taken aback.

She sighed, tightening her side ponytail as a distraction. She often found playing with her hair gave her comfort.

“I-I can’t explain it. It’s not like I’ll sleep any easier without,” she gestured, “this.” She finished lamely.

Jon and Martin had a silent conversation, and though Jon was apprehensive, he sighed and gestured for her to sit down. He then turned to Tabitha, raising his eyebrow.

“What about you?”

“I need to know.” She said. “I-I can’t be in the dark in a world like this. I just-I need to know.”

Martin nodded, still doubtful. He gestured for the rest of the class, who were staring at the two girls like they were insane, to follow him over to (what appeared to be) a tree.

-

“-Better to keep him buried, neatly away.” Jon finished, and Rosie breathed out shakily. Jon looked at her, really looked, and was confused to find that she looked almost sated.

He turned to Tabitha, and she seemed the same, though in a far more familiar way. He couldn’t quite place it, but something was…off.

“Are you both okay?” They nodded at his question, and Rosie helped Tabitha up.

“Yeah, I don’t know, I just…” Tabitha hesitated, “I feel…weird.”

“Weird?” He intoned, raising an eyebrow in concern. “Not scared?”

“No-I mean, yeah, I’m scared, but…” she shook her head. “Never mind, it’s not important. Hey, why is Katie stabbing a tree?”

-

As it turned out, the tree wasn’t as inanimate as they’d thought, and after being chased around for a bit, Martin got separated from the rest of the class. Not too far; he could still see them in the distance, and they appeared to have killed(?) the tree.

Where did Katie get an axe?

He shook his head, trying to clear his mind, when a phone rang out of nowhere. He jumped, surprised.

It was coming from the ground.

He scowled, running his hand through his hair in annoyance, before a clanking noise got his attention from the right. A metal spade just seemed to…appear. Out of nowhere.

“A spade? Really? I mean, isn’t that a little insensitive?” He questioned irritably, sighing to himself.

“Right, so we’re doing this then.”

He began to dig until he reached the phone, yanking it up. He wasn’t surprised to find that there was no landline attaching it to the other caller.

“Hello?” He asked.

“Hello. Is that Martin?”

He cursed inwardly.

“Don’t do that.” He warned.

“Not in the mood for games?” Her voice was decidedly amused.

“You know I’m not.” He told her.

“No fun.”

“Yes, well-look, I’m talking to Annabelle Cane, right?” He said, already knowing the answer to that question.

“You never gave me yours, why should I give you mine?” Martin wondered if she was being this difficult on purpose. Knowing the Web, she probably was.

“Just-what do you want?” He asked tiredly, sighing.

“To help, of course!”

“No. Thank you.” He declined sharply.

“Oh, I think you’ll want to hear this. Marcy Schroeder isn’t dead.”

“W-what?!” He exclaimed.

He didn’t know much about the girl, hadn’t even known her last name before he’d heard Annabelle say it, but he knew enough about what had happened when one of class 108’s first expeditions had wandered into the Web.

“That’s what I said! She’s been kept alive for a reason, though I don’t know what. I suspect it has something to do with the end.”

“Where is she?”

“Now, now, that’s information you’ll have to pay for.”

“With what?”

“Good question. I’ll need to let the situation play out a bit first, and then I’ll know what you can pay me. I’ll keep in touch!”

The line went dead.

“Well, shit.”

-

Rosie was quiet, Tabitha noticed, as she played with her hair languidly, posture tired and face blank with a subtle confusion and scowl. She walked over casually, trying to surprising her from behind, then frowned when Rosie didn’t react.

Tabitha tilted her head, then sat on the log beside her.

“You okay?” She asked, concern blindingly evident in her voice. Rosie didn’t respond.

They sat in a comfortable silence, looking out at the green tinted world in front of them. The watchful eye of the Panopticon looked back, and Tabitha gave it a challenging glare.

“Did I ever tell you about the sinkhole?” Rosie broke the quiet, not even glancing beside her.

“No, I don’t think you did.” Tabitha replied, and was silently disgusted with her own burning hunger for the information Rosie must have been referencing.

Rosie finally turned to Tabitha, chocolatey eyes dull. “When I was in middle school-it must have been fifth or sixth grade-I was caught in a sinkhole. I was buried for two days, under the earth. The Doctor’s didn’t know how I survived, but I did.”

Tabitha’s eyes were wide as Rosie continued her tale.

“The earth…moved. And not in the normal ways. It was unnatural. It tried to choke me, but I didn’t fight back. I just, let it. And I wasn’t afraid. I was,” she spoke sourly, “comforted, by the pressure. It felt like a hug, except, an important one. The earth was hugging me, Tabitha.”

Rosie’s gaze sharpened, and Tabitha’s hunger seemed to increase.

“And I let it. My parents are-were,” she grits, remembering the loss and silently wondering which nightmare they were trapped in, “amazing to me. But they weren’t tactile people by any stretch. And the earth…it was everywhere. And I think I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in the hospital. A ‘medical marvel,’ that’s what the doctors said at least.

“I’ve never told anyone before, but you of all people I feel like I can tell things. You just,” she gestured absently, “have that feel about you.”

“Are you vibe checking me?” Tabitha joked, trying to ease the tension. Rosie smiled gratefully.

“I suppose I am.” Rosie responded, before growing solemn again. “I think…well, you can figure that out.” She looked to Tabitha, willing her to fill in the blanks.

“You think it was the Buried.” Tabitha reasoned, thinking to herself.

Rosie didn’t need to say anything; they both knew that what happened wasn’t possible by any other explanation.

“…we need to come up with a name for it.” Tabitha spoke to herself, and Rosie raised an eyebrow.

“I may not have been scared of being buried alive, but hearing those words terrifies me.” Rosie deadpanned.

“Aw, Ro, I’m flattered. You say the nicest things.” Tabitha cooed, and they both laughed quietly.

-

“…I have an idea.”

“Oh no.”

“The Great Bondage, the Choking Kink-”

“Okay, I’ve heard enough.”

“Hey! Don’t leave me here! What about the buddy system-”

-

[aries-writes-shit]

I'm gonna be completely honest here; Likely going to info dump/ramble excessively, high possibility of it including personal issues, fair warning.

To put it as simply as I can:

Romantic or platonic is fine

I am demi-pan(or omni)romantic, not looking to have biological kids for personal reasons also honestly I don't know how much gender would affect my attraction. I just find people pretty and am vibin. Usually I just say I am of the ace/bi spectrum.

I identify as female, going by she/they, gender neutral pronouns I just think should be normalized as a default when you don't explicitly know and even then be respectful.

I've driven myself into excessive isolation leading to being easily overwhelmed even if it's given certain tasks as I am forgetful and need explicit instructions as I believe I'm a visual learner but to be more specific things need to be explicitly spelled out for me a majority of the time. It's often a tedious process as well as me getting overwhelmed when put on the spot even if it's saying what I want to eat or even retrieving the food myself even in my own home.

But I need excessive time in retreating to isolation which consists me usually pacing around the kitchen, specific I know but even in other environments like hotels I often pace the kitchen space even if it's very small, and indulging myself in maladaptive daydreaming fueled by music to which I normally speak/mumble out loud, do random stuff with my hands animatedly which I don't always do when actually indulging in conversation with others, or just dancing late at night with my highly inconsistent and likely unhealthy sleep schedule of which I am nocturnal at this point. I do also sing a bit though I need another voice to go off of in feeling more comfortable in harmonizing with others.

I find interest in psychological subjects which I love to share with others if I hopefully am no bother so it's a mutually exchanged topic others can indulge in as well. Also I am a sucker for depth in stories tied to characters, development, details no matter if it's very small or if it is significant to the story or it's characters themselves.

I also am iffy about exchange of material items, though I do love specific silverware, cups, trays, the occasional jewelry (I favor rings or bracelets I guess? Necklaces sorta) if it means something to a close individual, and other small trinkets for me to admire or put to use.

My love language is quality time but what I love most is unapologetic, unfiltered, mutual conversation. With my tendency to overshare a lot of things despite my insecurities and hesitance I don't just want a listener. I want them to be invested as well. I myself do often put myself in the listener role though and am referred to as one's local counselor sometimes.

Very much radiating the burnt out gifted kid and mommy/daddy issues vibe because I've had enough trauma and damaged self worth from it but it's mostly inflicted upon myself rather than from others or in being inthe bystander/observing role or in being neglected. I grew up praised and spoiled really, even now referred to as such in my family, but in the present it overwhelms me and if anything I'd rather not do anything for others and them do nothing for me and in dismissing my existence.

Honestly I've developed a toxic mentality against myself, even being aggressive in trying to validate or dismiss issues involving myself alone.

I've made progress including ditching a habit of mine I've had all my life through sheer power of will and have stopped excessively apologizing for laughing as I find it annoying to some extent, though not as much anymore which is good. Though I will apologize for laughing when by myself and when breaking down in tears I end up having a personal therapy session in uncertainty about turning to someone else even though I am very open about my issues. I have no problem sharing information, I just overthink how it's recieved or if it's dismissed and insignificant so why try? Of course I'm also a hypocrite and validate others, trying to do so for myself gradually though it can be hard and becomes an aggressive battle mentally.

But yeah I usually put myself in the supporting role for others including friends and family even though I myself am the youngest to some extent.

I try to encourage a space of comfort and validation for others and as emotionally assertive or reassuring/validating I can be, often turning heartfelt though significantly more blunt and assertive, I also have crackhead energy sometimes to be honest. Often with strange mental conversations or comments spewing out, a significant questioning being related to society. People confuse, frighten, or entertain me a majority of the time.

Anyways yeah to put it simply (and sorry to go on a long tangent and apologies if I contradicted myself or if I sounded repetitive);

Chaotic individual of the ace/bi spectrum that is highly emotional with abandonment issues, familial trauma, high insecurities related to my mere existence, and I obviously ramble a l o t.

A (not so) few other details; compared to some of the giants I am a small marshmallow (not too fluffy but kinda-) standing at around 5'2" with an internal inferno of emotions I currently withhold inside me and instead giggling excessively or spilling tears when I get emotional. Or aggressively cussing but that's usually by myself, but I am a bit clumsy and forgetful overall. Also my sleep schedule is a total mess of which I may have previously mentioned and I have significant words and phrases taking up the majority of my vocabulary I put to use in writing or conversing. Also I can get significantly fired up about topics related to terrible parenting, terrible people in general, unnecessary gendered stereotypes and objects for no reason what so ever, and in validating others. Also I am a forgetful mess as I've stated I believe two other times. I can forget a topic entirely midsentence or go on tangents about unrelated topics while having originally interrupted myself. Also last minute note/s, I wear glasses and often joke about being blind as hell and needing my access to sight. And regarding what I wear I typically avoid branded material cuz of my unreasonable insecurities, and I go for more subtle things of black/blue but I do have other options. I just mainly go for subtle/reserved in appearance that's comfortable for me and I typically wear jeans and just- sneakers or crocs for the indoors. Also I can imagine the slight possibility of me snagging tops from my partner if they didn't mind, an example of me wearing other's things typically being my dad's shirts on occasion and the rare item of my mom's originally or my older sister.

Yep definitely went off, sorry if this is overwhelming or if it includes a ton of unnecessary details :')

Don't stress yourself especially at my expense please—

Sorry it took so long, heres your match!

C!Philza

Oh no, look the old man adopted another kid /s

This man raised two boys on his own, hes so ready to help you if you become overwhelmed

Learns what you order so you dont have to talk to the cashier if you dont want to

If you need to pace, he will step back and let you do your thing

Checking in occasionally to make sure your alright

Will definitely try and make you have a healthy sleep schedule

Will definitely listen to you rant about any topic you start to rant about

Its healthy to get things like that off your chest

[jiminniethemarshmallow]

What You Deserve pt.2 (M)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader (side plots ft. Jungkook and Taehyung)

Genre: Fluff, angst, Smut, crack

Warnings: Mentions of emotional abuse, semi-public sex, cum eating, oral (m & f), creampie, thigh riding, light hair-pulling, cringey, cheesy fluff that makes me want to set myself on fire

Word Count: 37k

(A/N): Jesus Christ this took so long to write 🥵 Originally I wasn’t going to make a second one but seeing as so many people wanted another one, here we are! Btw, Hani is based off of one of my friends and some of the crazy shit she says are actual quotes... so yeah

"Wait what?! You guys are dating... like dating dating? And you didn't tell me?!" Hani exclaims in the middle of the shopping mall you were walking through.

"Can you shut the hell up, please? Not everyone needs to know my business." You huff.

"Uh, yes they do! This is revolutionary!" She throws her hands in the air dramatically.

"What would be ‘revolutionary’ is if you and Tae started dating too." You smirk, causing her face to go red.

"Ahaha, yeah, how about no?"

"Be honest with me Han, like 100% real right now, sister to sister." She nods. "Are you and Tae fucking?" She gasps loudly, causing a few heads to turn in your direction.

"WHAT?! You heathen, you goon, you cRoOK!! How could you accuse me of such... VULGAR ACTS!” A fake look of offense splays across her face as she throws a hand over her heart, and for a second you consider apologizing. You don’t get the chance to do so, however. “-But yeah, we're fucking." She admits easily with a shrug, catching you off guard. A drama queen at her finest.

"Since when?" Your eyes practically bulge out of their sockets as you turn your head to her.

"Since we went clubbing that one night. But I did do him a few favors before that." She mentions casually. This was not new information for you, you had your suspicions, but you didn't know she would admit it so fast.

"Then why the hell won't you guys just date each other? And why have you been hiding this from us?!" You move closer to her as an attempt to keep your voice down. You were in public after all.

"Okay listen, I'm allergic to commitment, you know this. And I'm pretty sure Tae doesn't want a relationship with me. We're fine being friends with benefits because at least we're still just friends; free to go out with whomever we want with no strings attached." She says nonchalantly and you frown.

"So you're telling me that if he brought home another girl, you wouldn't be jealous?"

"I'd like to think that I'd be completely fine with it. That's a part of our unspoken rules and regulations. No jealousy." **When is this bitch gonna stop lying to herself? You think as you shake your head at her. "But back to you and Jimin! How did this happen? I mean, I knew he had a major crush on you but I never guessed you would be into him.”

“That’s because I kinda wasn’t... until I was.” You’d been ignoring all the signs he was giving you: the especially caring gestures that you just passed off as general kindness, the pure joy and fondness in his eyes every time you spent time together, his bashful and shy side that only appeared when you two were alone, the jealousy he tried to hide whenever you would tell him you were spending time with your boyfriend. You remember one time in specific when you announced in a passing comment that you wouldn’t be free over the weekend because you’d be holed up with your boyfriend, and Jimin barely said a word to you after your brief mention, not even going out with the rest of your friends when they continued to make plans without you. In retrospect, he was probably sulking at home and keeping his distance, something he does only when he’s trying to control his anger to prevent himself from lashing out on others. But you had your head too far up your ex’s ass then to notice.

“Spill the tea. Now.”

You tell Hani about everything that happened after they left his house that night, save for the inappropriate details that she still pried you for. It had been a little over a week since then and you were happy to report that things are going great. You initially thought things would be awkward, but it turned out to feel like the most natural and normal thing in the world for you. He took you out on a date the day after and you stayed at his house again to cuddle and watch movies. Actually, not much had changed from when you were friends to now, except for the fact that you could be more intimate with him— something you really should start taking advantage of. And what made it even better was that you didn't have your stupid ex to yell at you for spending time with him.

"That’s cute and all, but how is he in bed?" Hani pushes, nudging your arm as she leans in closer to you. "I've always been curious about that since he seems like such a soft person."

"Oh my god, best I ever had." You give her a sly look for emphasis and she raises her eyebrows at you.

"Really? Is he a dom? Cuz I think he has the potential to be, but also I see him as maybe being a soft sub." You had piqued her interest and there was no going back, so now you were about to tell her what Jimin was like in bed. While you walked in the middle of a semi-crowded mall. And you didn't even care who heard. Had you no decency?

"He's not overly dominant, though he did take the lead, but he's very sensual. Eye contact, neck kisses, body worship: everything. But I've only had sex with him once, so I haven't unlocked all his secrets yet. It's only been a week for god sakes." Hani nods along attentively as you speak.

"And his..." She motions down to her crotch suggestively and you get the message pretty quickly.

"A lot bigger than you'd expect."

"It's big?! Huh, who would’ve thought."

"What's big?" Jimin's voice comes from behind you and you turn quickly to find him and Taehyung walking up to you.

"Your ego." You reply naturally, blushing when he gives you a peck on the lips when he gets to you, unable to stop himself. You’re still not used to that yet.

"For good reasons though." He says.

"And what might those reasons be?" You quirk up an eyebrow as he loosely wraps an arm around your waist.

"I have many, but the biggest one is that I'm dating my best friend and perhaps the greatest girl in the world. No offense Hani." Jimin smiles at you and you swear your face feels like it’s about to explode into flames. He’s so mushy, you can hardly stand it.

"None taken." She replies.

"You guys are so gross," Taehyung comments, sparkles in his eyes. "I fucking love it. Do you know how long I've waited for this? Jimin's been in love with you forever."

"I never told you that?" Jimin turns to Taehyung quizzically.

"All you ever do is talk about her to me and Kookie like we don't know her already. You’re not the most subtle person in the world, it was kinda obvious. I don't know how she didn't notice." He shakes his head.

"I'm amazed honestly. WAIT, I want pictures." Hani whips out her phone and starts snapping pictures of you from various angles. You try to hide your face and detach yourself from him while groaning protests. Jimin poses like it's a photo shoot as bystanders roll their eyes at you, and Taehyung pretends not to know who any of you are.

"Send those to me. I'm going to make it my lock screen." Jimin says when she finishes and you groan out loud. Yeah, you were going to be that couple. The ones that you hated and would otherwise yell at for being sappy all the time. The ones that have matching lock and home screens of each other.  He was turning you into a monster and it had barely been a full week.

"Cute. Sure I'll send them, right after I send them to Jungkook. He's not going to believe his eyes when he sees these." She laughs, typing furiously on her screen.

"Well he can see it with his own eyes when we hang out this weekend." Jimin inserts, earning confused looks from Tae and Hani.

“We’re hanging out this weekend?”

"Remember we planned that trip to the amusement park a while back? That's happening this weekend." He reminds them and they both let out a collective “Oh”.

"You're still coming right? We can go as couples, like a triple date!" You say excitedly.

"You and Hani can go as a couple and Jungkook can bring his new love interest." Jimin suggests. Hani narrows her eyes at him menacingly.

"We are not a couple." She corrects, but Taehyung seems hung up on something else.

"Jungkook has a love interest? Who?" He asks.

"The girl he took home after the club. Apparently he's been "getting to know her" and wants to use this as an icebreaker date." Jimin explains.

"Eh, I'll give it a week." You shrug.

"What do you mean?" They ask.

"I mean, I'll give their "relationship" a week before things break off. When has Jungkook ever kept a girl around for more than 2 weeks?" They all stop and think about it. "It's not that he doesn't want a girlfriend, it's just that he always manages to do something stupid to screw it up. It's like he's trying too hard to be a fuck boy but it's all unintentional. It's sad, really." You shake your head.

"I remember the good ole days when Kookie was afraid of girls." Taehyung laughs.

"Yeah, we were probably the first females he's ever befriended or had an actual conversation with." Hani nudges you and you laugh along.

"He was so cute though! So innocent and pure. Now he's corrupted." You sigh, jutting out your bottom lip.

"Wonder how that happened." Hani deadpans and you both look toward Taehyung and Jimin, but mostly Taehyung.

"Why are you looking at meee?! I have done nothing wrong." He defends.

"You're just a bad influence. Even when you're not trying to be, you still are. That's just how you are." You shrug.

"Like that time you bet that you would kiss 5 girls in one day. And you actually kissed 10. Within 2 hours." Hani recalls.

"With a face like this, it really wasn't that hard." He... defends? Brags? It's hard to tell with him sometimes.

"That's not the point! You're just not a good role model." Hani stares at him as you all recall the incident. Literally no one even asked him to do that. That was the day that earned him the title of "man whore" and he didn't seem the least bit bothered by it.

"But we've learned to accept and love that part of your personality." Jimin comes in quickly before Taehyung can get offended or start exposing other people. It was a habit of his to bring others down with him when he felt wronged or cheated and usually that person was Jimin.

"Hey, lets go in here, I need a new outfit and bathing suit for this weekend." Hani says as she drags you by the hand into a clothing store nearby. Jimin and Taehyung follow you both as you immediately head to the swimwear section.

"Don't you already have a bunch of swimsuits at home?" Jimin asks as you search the racks for something decent.

"Yes, but you've seen me in all of them already. A girl knows never to wear the same thing twice. Especially when she's trying to impress someone." You mumble the last part and he furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"Why not? Why don't you just wear the blue and white one with the gold straps? That one's my favorite." You don't question how he remembers exactly what your wardrobe looks like, but you're touched by the fact that he remembered enough to have a favorite.

"It's my favorite too, which is exactly why I'm not wearing it to the amusement park where it can get dirty or ruined." You've had a few bad experiences with amusement parks and ripped clothing. The water parks were especially bad. High pressured water shooting you down a plastic tube has proven to be disastrous to bikinis for girls everywhere. You were planning on going with a safer option. "I don't want you to see what I pick out before we get to the park so go away. I'll find you when we're done." You smile at him and he sighs, walking over to where Tae and Hani are standing.

"We might be a little while so you might as well go over there and find something for yourself while you wait." Jimin walks over to find Hani sending Taehyung away too and they both take her suggestion and head over to the men's section.

"Hey Han, what do you think about this?" You ask, holding up a one piece bathing suit connected down the middle of the front and back, leaving your sides exposed. It was cute and they had various colors for it in your size so naturally it caught your eye.

"Cute, but no." She says flatly and you frown. "It'll give you weird tan lines." She brings up and you nod, immediately placing it back on the rack. "What about this?" She pulls up a bikini that looks like it belonged in a magazine and not intended for actual use and you raise your eyebrows at her.

"How do you manage to find the sluttiest clothing EVERYWHERE we go?" You scoff.

"What do you mean? This isn't slutty." She mumbles, looking at the flimsy material from multiple angles.

"It's almost all lace!"

"Yes, almost. Not all of it." She smiles and you sigh.

"Do you really think that will survive the water park? I've seen better bikinis get torn to shreds." You were specifically recalling one incident where you had taken a trip with Hani and Jimin and she decided to go down the super slide. Let's just say the thin material didn't take too kindly to the harsh twists and turns and rushing water, leaving Hani with one boob exposed and the other side hanging on by a thread, literally. Not to mention the wedgie. You had to run over and cover her so she could stand up out of the water and get her clothes, opting to wear a sports bra the rest of the day to avoid any more wardrobe malfunctions. Clearly she hadn't learned her lesson.

"Oh, I don't plan on actually getting in the water. I just got my hair done." She says with a flip of her hair.

"Don't be lame. The water park is half the fun! And don't think I'm missing out on it just to stay with you and watch you flirt shamelessly with innocent bystanders." You whine with a pout.

"Whatever." She rolls her eyes but you notice that she puts the outfit back and pulls out a more modest one. You find something a bit more protective, a one piece that has less intricate designs, and then move on to find a shirt and a pair of shorts. The outfit you chose wasn't anything special, but it felt natural, like it was from your own closet, and when you tried it on it felt even better. The clothes you chose made you feel like you could conquer the world, made it seem like you were in charge of your life and could take whatever you wanted, and you knew you were probably being over dramatic, but for some reason you were extra confident and you couldn't wait to show it off to your boyfriend.

Jimin and Taehyung were perusing through the men's section for anything decent to wear. Jimin was looking at some shorts since he mostly only owned ripped jeans and it was supposed to be obnoxiously hot this weekend, and Taehyung was browsing the flannels and beanies, really pushing for that boyfriend look.

"I like this beanie, do you like this beanie?" Tae asks Jimin as he throws it over his fluffy hair.

"You know who likes those hats? Hani." Jimin smiles and Taehyung sighs defeatedly and puts it back down. "Why won't you date her?" He asks in a hushed voice, glancing in her direction from across the store.

"I.. I don't know. It's complicated." Tae mumbles, getting a stern look from his friend.

"Then uncomplicate it and explain it to me." Jimin pushes, causing Taehyung to groan and roll his eyes.

"I like her, I do, but..."

"But?" Jimin leans closer in anticipation.

"I don't think she wants to date me. She hates relationships and commitment, so why the hell would I think she wants that with me?" He turns back to a rack of shirts and mindlessly shuffles through them. He seems really down about this.

"Well you guys seem pretty close now."

"We're slightly more "friendly" than just friends but I'm no closer to being with her than I was before. And I don't even know what she thinks about me other than the fact that she likes my dick." Taehyung sighs as he turns helplessly to his friend. Jimin's never seen him like this and it makes him want to help.

"Maybe you can make some progress with her this weekend. It might help if you said more than just dirty jokes around her." He suggests, but before the taller man can reply, another voice addresses them.

"Finding everything okay here, gentlemen?" A petite young woman walks up to them with a bright smile on her face. She shamelessly looks both of them up and down and they observe as the twinkle in her eye shines brighter.

"Yeah, we're fine." Taehyung answers and he can see how the bass in his voice makes her shiver.

"May I make a few suggestions?" She offers and before they can refuse her, she continues. "I think this shirt and these shorts would look really nice on you." She picks out an outfit expertly and holds it up to Jimin, checking to see his size. He takes the clothes and looks at them, and as much as he wants to completely dismiss her, he has to admit that her sense of style is quite good. That's probably why she works here. "Do you mind if I do some measurements?" She turns to Tae.

"I'm personally not a math person, but if you want to go around measuring things, go for it. It's not my store." He shrugs and she just laughs, rosy lips curving flirtatiously.

"No silly, I meant can I measure you." She clarifies and he makes a sound of realization, causing Jimin to face palm. After half heartedly agreeing, Taehyung allows her to pull out her tape measurer and wrap it around various lengths of his body. It was a pretty uncomfortable situation for him, but he doesn't stop her.

"Hani, let's test those ‘unspoken rules’ of yours." You say to her as she chooses her last top. She walks over to where you are and you point across the store. "Are you telling me that you aren't jealous that that girl is flirting with Taehyung?"

She looks at where you are pointing and for a moment, you see something flare up in her eyes before simmering back down. She watches the woman wrap a tape measurer snug around his hips and compliment his body figure, something that Hani has seen first hand and doesn't appreciate the way this lady is drooling over it.

"I'm not jealous." She says with a purse of her lips, but not a minute later she's calling Taehyung over.

Upon hearing his name being called, Taehyung unwraps himself from the lady and quickly begins walking away, leaving Jimin to thank the woman for her "help" before rushing to follow.

"Are you guys ready to go yet?" Taehyung scratches the back of his neck, still holding onto the beanie he was looking at earlier. As you check out, you catch the dirty look Hani gives the sales woman as she continues to drool over an uncomfortable looking Taehyung.

There's an urgent knock on your door and you pull it open to find a distressed Jungkook standing in your doorway. He enters without invitation and you shut the door behind him, furrowing your eyebrows in concern.

"Kookie, it's 10:30pm, why are you at my house when I'm literally going to see you tomorrow morning?" You grumble, taking a seat next to him on your couch. He doesn't seem bothered by your unkempt appearance, having seen you in your pajamas multiple times.

"I need to talk to you." He says, nibbling on his lip anxiously.

"Again, why couldn't this wait until the morning? We already have to get up at the ass crack of dawn to meet up."

"I-I'm kind of freaking out." He turns to meet your gaze and you stare blankly at him, waiting for him to elaborate. "The girl I'm taking to the amusement park is amazing and I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean?"

"Her name is Jieun and not only is she gorgeous, but she's talented too!"

"Wow Kookie, that's great! I don't see the problem here." You watch as a deep frown settles onto his face, his teeth returning to chew at his bottom lip.

"I guess I'm worried about keeping her." He responds after a few seconds of silence. "You know I have trouble keeping girls. I always manage to fuck it up somehow and I never know what I did wrong so I can't fix myself and stop it from happening the next time. But I really want things to go well with her. I want her to like me."

You look at him sympathetically and pat his knee. "I'm sure things will work out, you're a great guy. Just take it one day at a time, there's no need to rush anything. Focus on having fun tomorrow and go from there, use it as a stepping stone to help you get to your end goal." You tell him and he nods.

"How did you and Jimin start dating? Like, how did you break that friendship barrier?" He asks, looking up at you with puppy dog eyes. It was almost like a kid asking his parents how they met, expectantly looking forward to the love story that connected their hearts.

"Well," You half laugh. "It definitely wasn't intentional. After we went clubbing that one night, I stayed over at his house and he confessed to me when he thought I was sleeping."

"But you weren't?" You shake your head. “Ohhh sneaky.” He snickers, earning a hit on the shoulder.

"It wasn’t on purpose! Anyway, I told him that I felt the same way and now we're dating." You shrug.

“Yeah, I could totally see you two together. That man is head over heels for you.” Jungkook laughs, to which you blush and look away. Could everyone else really see it but you? “Ugh, I wanna date someone so badly. Jieun is such girlfriend material and it kills me.”

“Okay, slow down. I don't think you should ask her to be your girlfriend just yet. It's different because me and Jimin have known each other for years and you've only known each other for a week, right?" He nods. "Take it slow, get to know her more, tell her about yourself, don't do anything too crazy."

"I don't even know how to act around women; it's not like anyone's ever formally taught me how to talk to ladies." He sighs.

"First things first, forget everything you've ever seen Taehyung do around women. He doesn't know the first thing about relationships and he's too immature to even start a real one with Hani." You point out sharply.

"What's going on between them anyway? Are they fucking?" This sparks Jungkook's interest just a bit and he seems more eager to gossip about his friends than to talk about his own problems.

"That’s not for me to tell. Don’t change the subject!" You scold with a point of your finger. "Second thing: just be yourself. We're going to an amusement park so you should be focused on having fun instead of being stressed out over how to impress her. This is a great place for a first real date because what better way to bond is there than sharing multiple near death experiences together?" You smile. Roller coasters are terrifying, but you've read online somewhere that fear boosts attraction in couples, so this should work like a charm.

"I don't even know if she likes roller coasters." Jungkook thinks out loud for a moment.

"Even if she doesn't, there's plenty of stuff to do there, I'm sure you won't be riding rides the entire time. You have to think more positively." You give him a reassuring look and he relaxes a bit. "Lastly, don't try too hard. Girls like effort, but usually we don't want anything too extravagant. Big gestures are sweet and all but it's the little things that we pay attention to, like if you let her win in a game, or offer to hold something for her, opening a door, pulling out a chair, things like that. Maybe you can try to win her something at one of the booths there? I'm sure she'd appreciate that."

"Okay, I'll try." Kookie says after letting your information soak in for a minute. "Thanks for the help (Y/n), I knew you'd have some advice for me." He gives you a cute bunny smile and you just want to pinch his cheeks.

"I've had a pretty shitty boyfriend for the past two years so I'm surprised you thought I'd have any real advice to give, but I'm glad I could help." You stand as he walks to the front door. "And Kook," He turns to look at you. "Relax. She's just a human, talk to her casually like you talk to me."

He nods and gives you a hug, leaving you to get ready for your day tomorrow. You were really excited to see this Jieun person, preparing to see if she really lived up to Jungkook's hype and was worth his affection. But he's had pretty good taste in women in the past so you didn't doubt him.

"What's the hold up? We were supposed to leave half an hour ago!" Hani shouts into Taehyung's house; you, her and Jieun waiting by the front door for the three boys to come out.

"We can't take them anywhere." You mumble, rolling your eyes as you check the time on your phone. You all were supposed to meet up at your house but Taehyung texted in the group chat that he "needed help with something important" so everyone just decided to meet at his house. Jungkook had picked Jieun up earlier, but since then he hasn't even said anything more than a greeting to her, which concerned you. He and Jimin told you three to wait outside while they helped Taehyung and you've never seen Jungkook look more relieved to get away from someone in your life.

"I can't do this." Taehyung says to Jimin as he enters his room.

"Me neither, go without us." Jungkook chimes in, taking a seat on the bed.

"What the hell are you talking about? Why not?" Jimin squeaks, looking between the two of them in shock.

"Jieun looks so good today and she smells so nice and I can't even look at her without blushing so obviously this isn't gonna work out." Jungkook speaks quickly, rubbing his face in stress.

"I don't want Hani to think this is a date. She keeps insisting that we're not dating, but if we all split up today it's definitely gonna seem like a date and then she'll freak out about it! And then she'll start stress flirting with other guys and I do not want to be caught in that situation." Taehyung groans, sitting beside the youngest.

"First of all, you're both going because I am NOT going to be stuck at an amusement park alone with three girls like I’m some sort of pimp, so get up and get dressed Tae." Jimin pulls Taehyung by the arm until he's standing then pushes him over to his closet. "Kookie, you've already seen each other naked so I don't know why you're acting shy now. This isn't even a real date so suck it up and have fun. This isn't supposed to be this stressful!"

The other two boys don't say anything after that and just look at each other, moving slowly into action as Taehyung pulls clothes from his wardrobe. He goes for a boyfriend look, a plaid shirt over a deep cut black tee, his signature loose fitting pants, and of course he pulls on his new tan beanie and a necklace to top it off. It takes him forever to choose his shoes, even with the help of his friends, and even longer for him to check himself out in the mirror, debating whether or not he looks good enough to go. By the end of it Jimin is emotionally exhausted, his voice already cracking from yelling at Taehyung for so long and for a second he thought your genders had switched. Weren't you and Hani supposed to be the ones that take forever to get ready?

Meanwhile, the two of you had a chance to catch up with Jieun outside.

"So, you're Jieun?" Hani asks after yelling into the house for what seemed like the tenth time. The girl only nods. She looks to be around Jungkook's age, maybe a year older than him but definitely at least a year younger than you. "Nice to meet you again, I'm Hani."

"And I'm (Y/n)." You introduced yourself and she bows at you both in greeting.

"I remember you guys from the club. You seem like a fun group." She comments, looking into the open door as if expecting the boys to walk out at any moment.

"We try.” Hani says with a flip of her hair. Jieun was just as Jungkook said she was. She was absolutely gorgeous, her dark hair, bright eyes, and vibrant smile making her very attractive. Talking to you now, you realize that she is very modest, although not at all shy and rather confident, and is very passionate about many things. You and Hani asked her about herself and learned that she was quite athletic. She danced on a recreational dance team and worked at a studio with children. Aside from that she engaged in many sports and did just about anything that required physical activity. Jieun also mentioned that she sang as a hobby and occasionally wrote songs because she had a dream of becoming an idol, which amazed both you and Hani. She seemed perfect for him.

“Why is she so perfect? Why can’t we be like her?” Hani whines to you when Jieun excuses herself to use Taehyung’s bathroom, both of you feeling terribly inferior to her.

“If I didn’t already have a boyfriend I would totally be jealous.” You say, thinking about how much attention she probably gets on a regular basis. From your short conversation, you found that she was actually a chill person. Polite and sensible. A stark contrast to when you first met, when her tongue was shoved halfway down Jungkook’s throat, but you’ll excuse her behavior because she was probably drunk and everyone seemed to be making risky decisions that night, including you. You were happy for your friend for finding someone as good as her and now you could see why he was so nervous for today.

“He picked a good one.” Your best friend comments, nodding in approval. “I’m surprised she’s into him, considering how much of a dork he is.”

“Hey! Don’t talk about my son like that! He’s just troubled.”

“No, he’s troubling. For a moment I thought there wasn’t any hope for him. That he would just repel women forever, like that time he wore too much cologne and women literally ran away from him because he smelled so bad. I’m proud he’s making progress.” Hani sighs.

“Maybe he just needs advice from the right people to get his act together.” You shrug.

A few years back you started calling Kookie “Baby Kook” and claimed him as your son as a joke since you always ended up protecting him, but somehow the name stuck and now you feel a certain attachment to him, an obligation. Like last night when he appeared at your doorstep. You contemplated telling Hani about that before Jieun came back, but then she’s looking at the door behind you.

“Oh my God, are you guys finally ready?” She groans when the three boys walk out together, two of the three looking weary and one looking mildly irritated.

“Where’s Jieun?” Jungkook notices the absence of her presence immediately and thinks the worst, wondering if she had left while he was inside because they took too long, but much to his relief, she walks out behind them, enthusiastic as ever.

“I’m here, let’s hit the road!” Clearly she’s a morning person, but the rest of you are not.

Filing into Jimin’s car, there is a bit of a skirmish for the seats. You want to sit up front with your boyfriend, but Jungkook pushes past you when you reach the door and attempts to take your place, but you push back.

“Hey! I called shotgun, I want to keep my boyfriend company.” Butterflies flutter in your belly at your use of the word, making you smile. Just on the inside, though, because on the outside you’re straining to fight off the younger man.

“Well, I want to sit in front today.” Jungkook retorts, continuing to strong-arm you out of the way so you can’t enter. The others look at the two of you as they take their own seats, Taehyung offering for Hani to sit on his lap but getting flatly rejected.

“Why? What’s the matter with sitting in the back?” You stop fighting against him to look him in the eye, crossing your arms and giving him a disgruntled frown. It takes a moment for him to answer, glancing at his date and then back at you. He leans in closer and speaks as quietly as he can.

“I can’t sit back there with her, I’ll die.” His eyes are wide and fearful as he looks at you pleadingly, hoping you’ll have mercy on him.

“You’re supposed to be on a date with her, why would you just leave her back there alone?” You look at him incredulously, wondering if he was serious or not.

“I’m not ready to be that close to her yet; please, just on the way there?” He begs, searching your eyes. Jimin yells something about leaving the two of you if you didn’t get in the car and Jungkook raises his eyebrows at you.

“Fine, but now you’re in charge of directions. If we get lost I’m kicking your ass.” You finally relent, sighing and moving to the back, squishing into the other passengers until Hani finally takes up Taehyung’s offer and sits on his lap.

You politely change seats with Jieun and take the middle seat so that she can have the window and won’t be as squished and she gives you a grateful smile, staring out of the window as you embark on your hour and a half long journey. About 5 minutes into the car ride half of you are asleep, your head leaning on Hani, whose body is leaned completely back on Taehyung as he rests his forehead on the window. Jieun expected the ride to be full of conversation and questions, but when she sees that is not the case, she allows herself to take a nap too. And it wasn’t like Jungkook was going to talk to her anyway.

Jimin looks over at Kookie at a stop light, the younger boy reading directions from his phone. Jimin pushes his lips into a tight line, knowing exactly why he fought you for the front seat.

“What are you doing?” He asks abruptly but quietly. Jungkook looks up with wide eyes.

“What do you mean? I’m reading you directions.” Kookie states as if he doesn’t understand the question.

“Why didn’t you sit back there?” Jimin speaks even softer now, motioning with his head. “With your date?”

“Oh, um, (Y/n) is smaller than me so I thought it made more sense for her to sit in the back instead. Since there’s so many people...” He lies unsteadily, sensing the glare on his older friend’s face. Jimin knows it’s a lie, but since he’s too nice to expose innocent Kook in front of Jiuen, who is most likely not fully asleep, he doesn’t say anything. But later, when he’s sure everyone’s out cold, he addresses Jungkook.

“You know, you’re going to actually have to interact with Jieun in order for this to be considered a date, right?” Jimin comments, looking in his rear view mirror to observe all of your sleeping faces. His eyes linger on you for a moment and his lips curl into a tiny smile before he pulls his gaze away to look at the road again.

“I-I know that.” Jungkook stutters, looking back as well to stare at his date. Although she was fast asleep, her hair and makeup was still perfect and her lips were parted in the most beautiful way, and Jungkook couldn’t control the blush on his face. “I just need to relax a bit more. I’ll be better when we get to the park, I promise.” He mutters, more so to himself than Jimin.

“I believe in you. She seemed really excited to hang out with you this morning, I doubt there’s much you can do to ruin that.” Jimin smiles.

“I mean...” There were thousands of ways this day could be ruined, and they all seemed very possible, some even seeming likely to happen, and the anxiety was eating Kookie alive.

“Stop worrying so much. As long as you actually talk to her and spend time together, this day will be a success.” The older reassures.

“Please don’t leave me alone with her.” Jungkook begs, but Jimin only laughs.

“You’ll be fine, it’s not like she’s gonna bite your head off or anything.” The worry left in Jungkook’s eyes makes Jimin sigh, taking pity on his cute friend. “We’ll all meet up a lot throughout the day, you won’t be alone with her the whole time.” He sighs, to the delight of the boy in the passengers seat. He really was Baby Kook.

Despite the clusters of traffic, the ride to the park is smooth and straight forward, your group arriving in less time than expected. When the car is parked, Jimin wakes up the other passengers, letting you all know that you’ve reached your destination. Everyone files out of the car, stretching your cramped limbs and retrieving the bags from the trunk, prepared for a day of fun. Already the sun is blazing, not even fully up in the sky yet, but still beaming down on you.

“Sun screen is the most important thing to remember on days like this.” Hani lectures the group, assuming the mother role. “I don’t want anyone coming up to me later complaining about sunburn. I’ll probably just laugh in your face and give you a hard pat on the back,” She says, looking directly at Taehyung to show him how serious she was. He just scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, preferring not to relive the last incident. “So, let’s take preventative measures and protect ourselves.”

You all turn to Jungkook, who was assigned the duty of bringing the sunblock, but instead he just looks back at you with wide and innocent eyes. He makes eye contact with you and you raise your eyebrows expectedly, causing confusion and slight panic to cross his face. “Wait, was I supposed to bring the sunscreen?”

A collective disappointed groan sounds among your friends and you can see Kookie’s face reddening, feeling horrible about his slip up. He was so focused on Jieun that he forgot his duties.

“It’s okay, I have some.” The fair skinned girl standing next to him smiles, dropping her bag to the ground to pull out 2 bottles of sunscreen. “I always keep it with me since I burn so easily.”

Jungkook’s eyes light up with hope as his date passes around the spray, already saving his ass and they hadn’t even gotten into the park yet. He was thankful for her, more-so than he was embarrassed, and he made a mental note to make it up to her.

“Great, we can apply now and then reapply when we go to the water park.” Hani instructs, grabbing one of the bottles.

A bottle is handed to you and you offer to spray Jimin, prompting him to take off his shirt and bare his toned upper body to you, a sight which you drink in greedily with a smirk. When you begin spraying, he jumps at the coldness on his already heated skin.

“Fuck, that’s cold.” He hisses, body flinching and contorting as you continue to spray his exposed skin. You laugh at his expense, targeting his sensitive parts such as his back and neck, enjoying the way he squirms. “Yah! That’s enough.” He shouts, snatching the can from you.

“You can never be too careful...” You muse, apologetically rubbing your hands over him to spread the lotion and make sure you haven’t missed any spots. The touch of your warm hands against him makes Jimin shiver as he watches you feel him up shamelessly, so he decides to turn the tables and spray your exposed stomach unexpectedly, causing you to scream.

Taehyung and Hani are engaged in similar shenanigans, the female trying to wrestle the bottle from the tall boy. He suggests she “strip down a little more” so he doesn’t miss any spots, but of course she refuses and tries to grab the spray can from him, to which he dodges and insists that he isn’t done applying sunscreen on her yet.

Once Jimin finishes with you, he hands Jungkook a bottle so he can help Jieun. She wore her swimsuit under her normal clothes, so she takes off her shirt and shorts so she can get total coverage. Jungkook swallows hard as she basically gives him an unintentional strip tease, revealing her thin athletic body and muscles that hide beneath her pale skin. It’s like she was made for him. He has to stop himself from drooling when she’s done, arms outstretched and ready to be sprayed. The four of his friends watch with amusement as he shyly applies the sunblock, trying too hard not to stare at any one spot and finish as quickly as possible.

“I’m just gonna say it: Jieun, you’re fucking hot.” Hani breaks the silence, smiling at the way the younger girl blushes a little. You all laugh and shake your heads at her, noticing how much shakier Jungkook becomes. “What? Everyone was thinking it.” She shrugs.

While getting sprayed, Jungkook looks for something to talk about, feeling incredibly awkward and uneasy from the silence. Everyone was already ready to go into the park so you were just waiting on him. Glancing at Jimin as he locks his car, he speaks.

“You should name your car ‘Jimin’.” He comments spontaneously, causing said boy to look up at him.

“Why would I do that?”

“Don’t fucking say it.” You groan under your breath, obviously being ignored.

“So you can park Jimin.” Kookie replies simply, laughing at his own joke while only Taehyung and Jieun giggle in response. You weren’t sure if she was just giving him a pity laugh or if she actually found it funny, but you know Taehyung did. You, Jimin, and Hani just roll your eyes at them.

“You’ve made that joke before and it still isn’t funny or clever.” Jimin sighs, walking back over to your side. But Taehyung keeps running with it.

“No, (Y/n) should name her car ‘Jimin’.” He says with a dirty smile. You give him a blank look and anticipate his next words, hoping he doesn’t say what you think he’s about to say. “So she can ride Jimin.” He announces the punchline proudly.

Immediately you turn on your heel, walking off in the direction of the park entrance followed closely by Hani and Jimin who leave the other three to chase after you.

“Hey, where are you going?” Taehyung laughs as he jogs to catch up. Hani sneezes loudly.

“Bless you!” You all reply in unison and she waves you off.

“Ugh, allergies.” She says rubbing her nose.

“Yeah, she’s allergic to stupidity and it’s just oozing from you right now.” You tell Taehyung with a motion of your hand, receiving a cackle from Hani, who continues to rub at her nose as you keep walking toward the gate.

After security checks, you all finally enter the park, taking in the scenery. A worker at the front hands you all maps and offers to take your picture by the large fountain, to which you agree. Of course it takes a few times to get a good picture, someone was always fighting or blinking and in one of the pictures all of you are running from a bee, but eventually one came out right. When the worker walks away, your group just stands there, a bit disoriented in such a big setting.

“Where do we want to go first?” You ask, looking over Tae’s shoulder at the map he’s holding.

“Everyone’s riding rollercoasters, right?” He asks, looking up at your friends. Everyone nods so he points to the nearest ride on the map. “We should go here first, this one doesn’t seem too bad so it can be like a warmup for the more serious rides at the back of the park.”

Without further discussion, you set off for the wooden ride to the right of where you were standing, nervous jitters fluttering in your stomach. Jimin grabs your hand as you walk and you thread your fingers with his without hesitation. Hand holding was so rare with your ex, it felt weird to do it in public. But Jimin has always liked to hold your hand, it’s just never been in a romantic way before. You like this new experience.

Reaching the ride, you see how big it actually is. The drops are massive and the sound the carts make as they zoom past at surprising speeds makes your heart race. There are aggressive twists and turns that are sure to give you a thrill, and you become more and more excited at the thought of it.

“This is the warmup?” Hani looks like she’s going to vomit. She’d get on anything if you could convince her to get in line, but if she stared at it for too long she would chicken out. Sure, she acts tough on a regular basis, but everyone has their weaknesses. Jimin is similar to her. He loves roller coasters when he’s riding them, but he doesn’t like to look at them too much beforehand because then he would get scared. Knowing this, you usher everyone into the queue before anyone can say otherwise.

“Don’t worry too much about this one, the only thing intimidating about it is the speed.” Jungkook explains like a seasoned amusement park connoisseur, noting how Jieun gives him an impressed glance. “As long as you don’t swallow any bugs, you should be fine.”

You can feel Jimin’s hand becoming clammy as you near the front of the line. The plus side of coming to the park so early in the morning is that the lines are shorter because there’s less people, but he felt as though that was working against him because everything was happening all too fast. You squeeze his hand reassuringly, smiling at him to calm his nerves.

“I love rollercoasters.” Jieun quips, practically bouncing with excitement and skipping down the rows. “It gives you such a rush; the high speeds, the wind in your face, not to mention the view of the park..” She sighs longingly, momentarily stuck in her thoughts. “If you aren’t awake by now, this’ll definitely do the trick.”

You reach the front of the line faster than expected; Kookie was right, this ride was quick, either that or it’s just really short. You bunch into carts of two, you and Jimin sitting in the middle of the train, Hani and Tae seated behind you, and, as expected, the daredevils Jieun and Jungkook sitting in the very first car.

“You can hold onto me if you’re scared.” You hear Taehyung say to Hani, the two linking arms to brace themselves.

Glancing at your boyfriend, you teasingly repeat the same thing. “You can hold onto me if you’re scared.” You purposely lower your voice a little to mock Tae’s own and the four of you laugh, although Jimin grabs your hand again, holding on tight. A worker comes around and checks your safety devices, signaling to the other staff to start the ride. It makes a slow ascension up the first hill, every loud click beneath you rattling your nerves and making you bubble with anticipation. Jimin breathes heavily beside you, trying to focus on the view of the park that Jieun mentioned before, but you could see the distress on his face.

“You okay up there, Jiminnie?” Taehyung calls. You can tell he’s enjoying this already. “(Y/n), he hasn’t passed out already has he?” He teases as you creep closer to the top.

“Shut up, Tae.” Jimin protests weakly. “This isn’t even that bad.” As he finishes his statement, the ride reaches the summit and stops, holding you in suspense as Kookie’s car hangs partway down the slope. Jimin sees this and gulps, knowing what lies ahead in just a quick moment.

“Are you sure about that?” As soon as the last word leaves Taehyung’s mouth, the ride releases and you all plummet down the tall drop, deafening screams coming from everyone involved. You scream and laugh as the cars take you through turns and drops, the high speeds pushing back your hair and making your eyes water. Jimin never stops yelling, horror in his voice the entire time as he squeezes the life out of your hand, but it only serves to make you laugh harder and by the end of it you’re struggling to catch your breath. Hani’s shrill screams come from behind you, her voice resembling a whistle more than anything, and they harmonize with Taehyung’s more joyful shouts and ‘woos’. As the ride slows down to a stop at the terminal, Jimin’s body relaxes then seemingly liquifies, making your eyes widen as he slumps in his seat.

“I survived,” He murmurs, looking over at your smiling face. “I thought I was going to die.”

“Congratulations, Minnie, you made it through the warm up.” You laugh patting him on the head gently after combing through his unruly hair with your fingers. The workers unlock the safety devices and everyone stands up, retrieving their bags from the platform and walking down the exit ramp. You all wobble slightly, still disoriented from the fast ride.

“Daebak!” Jieun and Jungkook shout in unison, both talking a million miles an hour and laughing at each other’s banter in a language that only they could understand, from the sounds of it.

“Oh God, my life flashed before my eyes at least 3 times during that ride.” Hani huffs, out of breath and throat already sore.

“I’ve never heard you scream like that, are you sure you weren’t blowing a whistle?” You ask, causing everyone to giggle.

“I don’t remember most of that ride, I think I blacked out after the first drop.” Running a hand over her face, she wipes tears from the corners of her eyes while you do the same, except yours are from laughter and hers are from anguish.

“Guys the pictures are up!” Taehyung points, directing your line of sight to the screens in front of you that display the many different facial expressions of your friends. The group erupts into laughter after just one glance, Jimin falling into you and leaning against your smaller frame as he goes weak with laughter. His small hand covers his mouth as he lets out his distinctive high pitch giggles, and you have to take a moment to stop and notice him. Fuck, why didn’t you ever pay attention to him before? He’s absolutely adorable. He stumbles around and nearly crumbles to his knees in glee as Jungkook points out everyone’s faces, other groups of people crowding around the monitors to get a look at themselves too.

“Look at Hani, she looks like her eyes are about to pop out of her head! I’ve never seen her eyes get that wide before!” Jungkook howls as she practically wheezes beside him. She’s doubled over with one hand on Taehyung’s shoulder for support, and even through his laughter he tenses up at her touch, cheeks reddening just the tiniest bit.

“Jimin and (Y/n) look like the drama masks,” Jieun comments, pointing to your expression of pure joy and excitement next to Jimin’s face of unconcealed terror and regret. “Why does it look like he’s about to cry?” She can barely get out the sentence through her snickering, wiping away her own tears.

Your attention returns to your boyfriend, who is barely holding himself up from the ground. His eyes are almost entirely shut from how hard they’re smiling and his fluffy hair bounces with every shake of his body, quiet squeaks all he can manage to release.  The light reflects off of his round cheeks and he seems to glow, his happiness contagious and making everyone around smile unconsciously. You wish you could get a picture of this face instead. Even when you’ve all calmed down and Taehyung is buying the picture (presumably for future blackmail purposes), Jimin just can’t seem to get it together and you practically have to drag him out of the way.

“Come on, let’s get in line for the next ride before the adrenaline wears off!” Jieun shouts, grabbing Kookie’s hand and sprinting off in the direction of the tallest ride, both of them apparently forgetting that they’re with a group. And apparently Jungkook has also forgotten his shyness around her. You let them go, though, since this was technically a date and it seemed like they had broken the ice and moved past their initial awkwardness of being alone together. The remaining 4 of you walk in that direction too, before realizing where they were going and stopping in your tracks.

“Woah, wait!” Hani stops abruptly, eyes scanning the height of the rollercoaster. It’s a simple ride really; nothing more than a steep incline and a straight death drop that leads into a few twists and turns. But when you see how fast the ride accelerates to go up the hill and come back down again, a collective chill crawls up each of your spines. “They’re going on that?! Oh hell no! Do you know what this means?” She asks, looking around at your confused faces. Taehyung shakes his head in reply. “I can’t be friends with them anymore.” She announces resolutely, much to your surprise.

“Why not?” Jimin asks, eyebrows raised in mild amusement.

“Because people who would willingly go on something like that clearly do not value their own lives, which means they surely do not value mine.” She turns on her heel and presses past you, walking in the other direction and not waiting for you to follow. “Let’s find something else to ride.”

Usually people knock out the big rides first, leaving all of the smaller attractions for later when their energy starts to deplete and they can take the time to calm themselves down, so when Hani leads you all to a small indoor ride, there’s virtually no one inside. It’s themed after some cartoon you heard of when you were a kid and the interior of the building is colored with neon and fluorescent paint that glows in the black lighting. As you wind through the long pathways and different rooms, it becomes apparent that this must be a very popular attraction because the queue seems never ending. Taehyung’s laughter seems to echo through the empty rooms as he skips ahead, stopping at every interactive object like a child, playing in the funhouse mirrors, watching the short clips of the cartoon that appear on the screens, pointing out how everyone’s clothing glows in the dark whenever you pass under a black light.

“Walk!” Hani hisses, pushing him from behind when he stops in the middle of a narrow pathway, the sounds of the ride finally coming into earshot. “This rollercoaster better be worth the trouble of us walking for so long.” She sighs, keeping her hands firmly on Taehyung’s back as she pushes him along. He seems to enjoy it, purposely slowing down so she runs into the back of him, pressing harder against him to urge his body forward, and he knows she doesn’t mind the way he’s messing with her, he can hear the smile in her voice every time she yells at him.

Shuffling slowly behind them, Jimin silently pulls your arm, holding you back so he can hold you firmly to his body, hands on your waist and eyes smiling down at you. Your eyes are wide as you look at him, about to ask him what he’s doing, but then he swoops down and claims your mouth in your first kiss of the day. It’s not rushed or needy, it’s the kind of slow, relaxed kiss that makes your heart pound against your chest and blood rush to your cheeks. Your back meets the wall and he pins you there with one hand leaning beside your head for support, the other still locked onto your hip. The kiss is a welcomed surprise and you can’t help the way your knees get weak just from his touch. Despite being cuddled up with Jimin almost everyday this week, you still can’t get over the fact that he wants you this way, that he’s yours. He’s told you many times that now that you’re together he won’t hold himself back anymore when it comes to you, but you didn’t expect him to mean it like this. Though, you can’t say that you don’t enjoy the affection.

“Excuse me,” Hani clears her throat loud enough to catch your attention and when you pull away, you find both of them staring at you two in shock. “This is neither the time nor place for that. Seriously guys, there are cameras everywhere. Have some decency.” Taehyung shakes his head along with her words in fake disapproval, clicking his tongue when you shyly pull away from each other to walk up to where they are.

“C’mon lovebirds, we’re almost at the front!” He leads the way around a few more corners until you’re finally at the front of the queue, the line only consisting of a single couple boarding one of the carts. You take your seat next to Jimin and the carts exit the station in two’s, leaving you alone with him as you enter the dark tunnel. The ride is all indoors so it’s pitch black for a few seconds before you ride through another room with vibrant flashing lights that highlight the scenery around the track.

“I don’t think I got to properly say good morning to you.” Jimin’s eyes are focused on you already when you turn to him, whimsical music playing around you to accompany the action happening around you that you aren’t paying attention to.

“Is that what that was about back there?” You point with your thumb, raising an eyebrow.

“No, I just felt like kissing you,” He shrugs, “but this morning was busy and I didn’t get a lot of time to talk to you, so I’m saying it now. Good morning, gorgeous.”

“Ew, you’re so cheesy.” You nudge him with your shoulder playfully, barely noticing that your cart was ascending a small incline.

“I told you, I’m gonna say it everyday just to remind you. I have to make up for all that lost time.” You know he’s referring to the time you wasted with your ex, all those wasted days of not being appreciated or acknowledged. Neither of you have talked about him since then, but he’s always there, hanging in between the lines, and Jimin is always trying to prove what a trash man he was to you by overcompensating. Or maybe he’s just always this tooth rottingly sweet, you still haven’t figured it out yet.

“You don’t have to...” You mumble.

“I know. I want to. Plus, I don’t think I can stop myself.” Just as the two of you start to giggle, you reach a drop and your car speeds down the hill, flashing lights passing you at every turn. You go through a few more dips, spinning around and even going backwards at one point, following animated characters and a storyline that you haven’t been paying attention to. Somehow during the ride, you managed to scoot closer to each other, your sides touching and your hands wrapped around his arm, not in fear, but out of pure joy. This ride isn’t nearly as scary as the last, it moves slower and the drops are shorter and more gradual, so you and Jimin enjoy it equally, laughing throughout the entire experience all the way until it reaches its end at the same place it began. His cheers and laughter of amusement echo in your mind as you come to a stop, finally untangling yourself from him.

Taehyung and Hani are just getting out ahead of you, laughing to themselves and stumbling onto the platform. You take note of Taehyung’s manners as he extends a hand out to Hani as she steps out of the car after him, and you see her hesitation to take it before she grabs hold, pulling it away quickly after she regains her balance.

“That was fun, we should go on more rides like this.” Jimin comments when all of you walk outside, squinting in the bright daytime light.

“Why? Because it’s dark and no one can see you making out in there?” Taehyung replies with a sassy purse of his lips. Hani snorts beside him.

“No, because it’s a kiddy ride and it doesn’t make him scream like a baby.” You tease, causing an uproar of laughter from your friends.

“Okay, ouch. What is it, ‘gang up on Jimin’ day or something?” He pouts, though he can’t stay mad at you for long and ends up smiling along with everyone else as you walk towards the next attraction.

“We have a winner!” A few spectators clap as Jieun grins triumphantly, accepting a small stuffed monkey from the merchant as he proclaims that she is the fastest racer.

After knocking out all of the most exciting rollercoasters, Jungkook and his date have made it to the back of the park in record time. Instead of moving on to the smaller rides, they agreed to try out some of the games, mostly because Jungkook wouldn’t stop bragging about how easy some of them seemed.

“I thought you said you were bad at carnival games?” He points out as they begin to walk away.

“Yeah, but we were just shooting water at a target. It wasn’t that hard.” He watches as she offers her prize to one of the children they played against, the youngest one whose face was scrunched in disappointment. The little girl looks at her and nearly snatches the monkey away before sheepishly muttering a thanks upon her parents request, but Jieun only laughs.

“That was nice of you.” Nicer than he would have been.

“Eh, the monkey was kinda ugly anyway.” The brightness of Jieun’s smile makes Kookie blush slightly as he laughs along, allowing her to pull him through the crowds of people amongst the other stations. “You aren’t purposely letting me win these games, are you? That’s the third time I’ve beaten you.”

“What, you don’t like winning?” He quirks up the corner of his mouth and she shakes her head.

“Not like that.”

“Fine, then I won’t show you any mercy next time.” He promises, to which she accepts with a nod and a competitive sparkle in her eye. The truth is, Jungkook hasn’t been letting her win, she’s been beating him fair and square this whole day, but he didn’t  want her to know that because he’s been talking trash about his skills since they got here. They approach a station that is unoccupied, the merchant beaconing them over as soon as she sees that it has caught their eye.

“You two look pretty cute, first date?” She questions as they approach and Jieun is the only one who can respond. “Aw, that’s adorable. Hey man, if you wanna impress her, you should show her your skills. You look like the athletic type.” The woman challenges Jungkook, and he isn’t one to back down from a challenge.

“Let me win you something.” There’s this cockiness in his voice that makes his date giggle, his shoulders seemingly swelling with pride and arrogance as he stands in front of the counter. It’s basketball, something Jungkook isn’t too bad at, and he’s confident that he’ll be able to win this game.

“You don’t have to do this for me.” Jieun reasons, tempted to tell him that the game is probably rigged anyway, but Jungkook doesn’t look like he’d care all that much.

“Don’t worry, I got this.” Famous last words.

“$3 for 5 balls. All you have to do is make it in the hoop 3 times and you win.” Seems easy enough. He hands over the money and the basketballs line up in front of him, cheesy arcade music starting up when the worker presses a button. A bell sounds as a cue for him to start and he grabs a ball immediately, missing the sigh coming from the girl behind him.

He makes the first shot easily, the second goes in with a loop around the rim, and his pride is through the figurative roof. But on the third shot, the hoop begins to move side to side. He is surprised when his ball misses its mark and as he stares, trying to get his timing right, the speed of the moving basket increases.

“Two more chances left!” The worker announces. But his luck wanes and the forth ball bounces off the rim. “Only one ball left! Really follow that hoop, c’mon. It’s all about focus.” She coaches, much to Jungkook’s annoyance because he really was trying, but his final shot misses entirely and the game stops with a buzzer noise and defeated sound effects. “Oh! How unfortunate. Do you wanna try again? You still gotta win your girl that prize— looks like she really wants one.”

With a heavy sigh, Jungkook turns to Jieun and stares at her in thought. She’s just standing there looking impartial to all of the giant superhero plushies lining the station, but he really wants to prove to her that he can do it. He needs to win her this game. In reality, she’s about to open her mouth and tell him that she doesn’t want him to waste his money on something she doesn’t even want, but before the words can leave her, he’s handing in another $3 and preparing to take his first shot. The second time around doesn’t go as well and he’s already down to 1 ball when the hoop starts moving, his last chance bouncing off the edge again. Watching this really is painful and Jieun finally decides that she needs to put an end to this.

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to win me anything, let’s just move on.”

“No, I can do it,” He tries to reason, reaching into his pocket for more money, but she grabs his wrist and gives him those big pleading eyes and he melts. “Fine.”

“Why don’t you let her try? She looks like she can play. I’ll even change the price to $1 just for her.” The saleswoman suggests, playing with one of the basketballs. She watches as their eyes meet and she can see that they truly think about it before Jungkook decides that he would like to see her try— probably just so he can prove to himself that the game is actually hard and it’s not just him— so he hands the woman another dollar. “Awesome! Let’s see what ya got.”

“Wish me luck!” Jieun says as she picks up a ball, but it soon becomes apparent that she doesn’t need it because she’s knocking out the baskets like it’s her job. Jungkook stands silently beside her, mouth open comically as he witnesses her aim and shoot with the ease of a pro player, making the third basket with a flashy swoosh and two balls to spare. The world around him erupts into noise as Jieun, the saleswoman, and a group of random bystanders who were watching them play begin to cheer and shout praise.

“That was amazing!” The merchant announces, and he only just realizes that she’s been using a microphone this entire time. It’s loud. “Did you see that last shot? The ball didn’t even touch the rim! I wish I had an instant replay of that!”

“Omg, I can’t believe I did that!” She gasps, covering her mouth in shock and joy. She looks just as dumbfounded as Jungkook and he can’t find it in himself to be upset with her.

“You looked so cool! Maybe you should be a basketball player instead of a dancer.” Sure, his ego definitely took a blow, but he felt an odd sense of pride at her accomplishment. Even though she wasn’t “his girl” per se, he still felt like he could claim her, and amidst the celebration, it kinda felt like his win too.

“I haven’t seen anyone win this game since I started working here,” The worker admits. “You’ve got skills. Pick your prize.” She motions to the wall of plushies and Jieun pauses in thought, glancing over at her date.

“Which one do you like?” She inquires.

“Oh, n-no this is your prize. You pick.” Jungkook hates the way he stutters at her sudden attention.

“Like I said, I don’t want one. Hm, I’m thinking you look more like a Hulk guy?” She’s studying him up and down and he can feel himself heating up the longer she looks.

“Actually, I like Iron Man.” He says, scratching the back of his neck. She simply nods and points to the biggest one, and the woman happily retrieves it, waving them away with well wishes on their first date. As they walk, Jieun hands the Iron Man figure over to Jungkook and he pouts.

“You know, I would have won if you’d let me try one more time.” He grumbles, looking back at his recent failure. She finds it cute.

“Yeah, I’m sure you would have.” She reassures and nothing in her voice makes him think she is mocking him. “But be grateful I won you that anyway. That thing is half as big as me!” She giggles, a slight triumphant glow on her cheeks as they make their way through the park.

Sometime after your third ride together, Hani and Taehyung separated from you and Jimin to do their own thing. Hani claimed that her heart couldn’t take any more rollercoasters for the moment and Taehyung graciously accepted this by agreeing to go on the smaller attractions with her. Kiddy rides, really: the large swing ride, the one that looks like an octopus, the pirate ship, etc. Taehyung had suggested they go on the Claw, but that looked a little too intense for Hani because of how high it goes, so they skipped that one. Finally, they make it to Hani’s absolute favorite ride, the Teacups, and she pulls him all the way to the line.

“The Teacups is your favorite ride?” He questions with a laugh, bracing himself for the hit he receives on his shoulder.

“Shut up, you still request kids menus to draw on when we go out to eat. I don’t wanna hear it.” She crosses her arms over her chest, but Taehyung finds it adorable.

“I wasn’t attacking you, I just think it’s interesting.” It is interesting, how someone who acts so menacing can be such a baby on the inside.

“What’s with that?” She asks suddenly, facial expression turning skeptical as she looks him up and down.

“What’s with what?”

“You haven’t picked on me all day, why are you being so nice?”

“Well, you haven’t flirted with any random guys all day so I guess today is strange for everyone.” There really isn’t anything Taehyung can think to say to her question, so he deflects. There’s not a chance in hell that he would ever say that he’s trying to be nicer to her so she likes him more and will consider dating him— if he says that, he’s sure she would run away screaming.

“That’s only because no one has flirted with me yet and I’m not going to throw myself around like a thirsty hoe. But it’ll happen, just wait.” Hani pushes hair away from her face in that sassy way and Taehyung can’t resist snorting in laughter.

“That doesn’t seem conceited at all.” He mumbles sarcastically as they step up in the line.

“Oh fuck off, Man Whore. You’re one to talk.” A few parents look back at her but she doesn’t seem to notice.

“Hani, there are literally children everywhere around here, watch your mouth.” Tae scolds, but she only rolls her eyes and turns away, apparently forgetting about her earlier question of his behavior, much to his relief.

As they near the front of the line, they spot Jungkook and Jieun passing by, but the pair is walking too fast for either of them to catch their attention. Jungkook seems to be hugging something red and yellow, but he disappears before Taehyung can make out what it is.

“Jungkook and Jieun just walked past,” He states as he leans against the railing.

“I saw. This day seems to be going well for them, I’m glad he finally grew some balls.” Hani smirks, still gazing in their direction.

“I’d say this day is going pretty well for us, too.” As soon as the words leave his mouth, Taehyung regrets them. Hani turns to face him with an odd look on her face, not really disgust, but rather skepticism.

“Yeah, but they’re on a date.”

“Couldn’t you say that this is sorta like a date, too? Not exactly a romantic one, but it’s still a date.” He’s making it worse for himself, he knows it, but he just can’t stop the words from coming. And so he digs the grave deeper.

“It’s not a date.” She shuts that idea down quickly, but there is an ease to her words. Almost like she doesn’t know that she’s hurting him.

“Why are you so touchy about that word?” He tries to laugh it off.

“It just... bugs me. I haven’t been on a date in, like, a year. I don’t do dates.”

“And why is that?” Taehyung is genuinely curious to know. She probably assumes that he’s like her, that he doesn’t date or have interests that go further than finding a quick fuck, but that’s not true at all. He’s just never had the best luck with women— and he is mostly to blame for that.

“When it’s a date people expect things from you. There’s an etiquette that society has deemed acceptable, especially for women, and I’ve never really been into all of that. I’m not a dainty lady and I hate when people do things that I didn’t ask for. Guys just seem to be too overbearing for me on dates: picking up tabs, trying too hard to be polite, scrutinizing my every detail and flaw. And on top of that, we’re supposed to do cute couples stuff like kiss and hold hands and shit. It’s a lot of pressure.”

“Not all dates have to be like that. They can be casual like this.” So she isn’t into the “nice guy” act. Taehyung should probably dial it down a little bit then.

“Yes, but this still isn’t a date. We aren’t a couple.” She insists, leaning against the railing across from him.

“You don’t need to be a couple to go on a date. That’s what the date is for. Jungkook and Jieun aren’t a couple yet, but this is a date for them.” He tries to keep his voice stable and calm. Why is he so adamant about proving this point?

“But it’s different with them because they actually want to become a couple. And they act like one too.”

The gates open and the two of them enter the attraction, Hani booking it for one of the teacups toward the back. She sits down and waits for Taehyung to close the gate and take a seat across from her before her hands are on the wheel in the center, itching to start the ride. She begins spinning their teacup before the ride starts like all the other kids around them, and Tae places his hands on the wheel to help.

“I think we’re acting like a couple, too. We’re doing everything together and having a good time.” He offers, pulling her attention away from her giggling that he finds to be contagious.

“I agree, we are having a good time,” She smiles. “But really, that’s it, isn’t it? I find you attractive, you find me attractive, we fucked a couple of times, but that doesn’t make us a couple. There aren’t any real feelings involved and we’re still free to do whatever we want. None of that mushy couples crap like Jimin is sucking (Y/n) into. I’d say we’re fuck buddies, at most.”

It feels like a dagger has sliced through Taehyung’s heart at her words, each one adding a deeper and deeper wound, and all he can do is sit there quietly as the attraction begins to move and ponder her words. He turns the wheel with her, their cup spinning almost at top speed, and he watches as Hani fights to stay upright against physics, laughing and trying to look at all the other moving vehicles around them. He thinks then, how can someone so beautiful say something so cruel to him? But he knows her well. Hani is the type of person who hides her feelings by saying the exact opposite of what she wants, never explicitly telling anyone what she desires, then waiting for them to figure it out. He can only hope that this is one of those times. The more he thinks about her words, the less he pays attention to the present world, and before he knows it, Taehyung has stopped turning the wheel and is staring blankly at her joyous expression.

“If that’s all we are, then why do I feel this way? Why does it feel like my heart will fly right out of my chest whenever we interact? I wish I could let you see how I feel for once because maybe you’d feel differently. I know you feel something too. Why is this so hard for me? Why is it so hard for you to accept me?”

“Hey, why’d you stop spinning? I need help here!” Taehyung knows she can’t hear him over the loud music and wind rushing past their ears. His voice was nothing more than aimless murmuring, but it felt good to say it out loud. A part of him is curious about what would happen if she did hear him, but it’s probably better if she doesn’t.

“Sorry.” He apologizes, their cup accelerating when he joins her turning once again. She thinks he’s apologizing about the ride, the thought of him apologizing for his feelings for her never crossing her unbothered mind. He thinks she doesn’t notice how hard he’s trying to be happy, the thought of her heart aching with disappointment and fear never crossing his puzzled mind. He doesn’t know that she’s afraid of the feelings she already has for him.

“It’s 12:30 bitches, where are you?” You speak out loud as you type into your group chat. Jimin fans himself beside you, sitting on a bench near the entrance to the water park, staring down at the park map.

“Why do the rides here look scarier than the roller coasters?” He frowns. You lean your cheek on his shoulder to look at the map and shrug.

“I bet they’re not even that bad in person. I can’t wait to get in the water.” This heat is something else, and as the temperatures keep climbing, you want nothing more than to dive into the nearest pool and float away. “Maybe we should stop by the Lazy River first just to get wet before going on the slides?”

“It’s so hot that I might just stay there all-“

“What’s up, losers,” Hani interrupts, sliding right into the place next to Jimin and squishing him between your bodies. Taehyung stands in front of you all.

“Wait, come here, Tae.” You pull his arm and he moves toward you with one eyebrow raised as you shift him until his body blocks the sun from your face. “Ah, don’t move.” Letting go of his arm, you enjoy his shade and close your eyes. He scoffs but stays put.

“We still waiting for Kookie?” Jimin asks, handing the map off to Hani.

“He said they’re almost here in the group chat. I wouldn’t be surprised if they finished the whole park already— did you see how fast they were walking?” She answers, shading her eyes with the flimsy paper.

Taehyung chuckles, looking around the area. If they were on their way, they would probably be here soon. “They better hurry up because I’m so fucking hot I feel like I’m about to die.”

“Do you know how disrespectful it would be to die right in front of me? Go die over there.” You send him away, but as soon as he moves you whine from the loss of shade. “Wait, no, come back!”

“I’m gonna buy a water bottle, you guys want anything?” Tae asks and the three of you shake your heads, watching as he walks away toward a small cart where a lady is selling drinks and ice cream. As he approaches, the lady straightens and fixes her hair, flashing him her best smile and batting her lashes. Both you and Jimin look over at Hani, who is watching the entire exchange, and you can practically feel the fumes coming off of her.

“We made it!” Jungkook announces, stepping up beside the bench with Jieun in tow. “Where’s Taehyung?” You all point and the pair follow your eyes to where the young lady is leaning into her cooler of drinks very seductively in front of a somewhat indifferent Taehyung. He isn’t showing much of a reaction, but you notice his fidgeting, either from anxiety or impatience. When he hands over the cash, the woman brushes his fingers intentionally and all of your jaws drop at her blatant flirting.

“I know he’s not my boyfriend, but he’s not her boyfriend either, so she needs to hop off his dick before we have to fight.” Hani is trying her hardest to contain herself, she really is, but the way that that woman is flirting with Taehyung is triggering something inside her that looks pretty damn close to jealousy.

“You okay there, Han?” You ask from the other side of the bench, keeping an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t get up and snatch that girl by her bangs.

“Oh yeah, I’m perfectly fine.” She says through gritted teeth.

“Remember what you said about it being okay if he ever decided to take someone else home?” You remind her, smirking when she crosses her arms.

“Absolutely.”

“How are you feeling about that now?”

“I said what I said. I said what I meant and I meant what I said.”

“I thought you didn’t like hyung like that?” Jungkook asks, confused.

“They’re fucking.” It comes out so easily that you don’t even realize that it was supposed to be a secret until Hani yells out your name in betrayal, causing you to suck in your lips. But it’s out there now.

“And I oop-“ Jieun feels like she shouldn’t be here for this, but things are starting to get interesting and she can’t bring herself to leave.

“You and Tae?!” Jungkook whisper shouts at her as if Taehyung would be able to hear him from all the way over there where the woman is still flirting with him.

“We fucked once.” She holds up a finger for emphasis, but you give her a look of disbelief and she purses her lips. “Okay, maybe it was a few more times than that.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t say anything!” You pout, turning away from her.

“Yeah, what the fuck is that about? I thought we were close!” Jungkook steps forward, clearly hurt that he’s been left out.

“Jimin doesn’t look that surprised.” Jieun points out, drawing everyone’s attention to your boyfriend, who sits there nonchalantly as he listens to you argue.

“Oh I already knew all of this. Of course Taehyung couldn’t shut up about it.”

“See, Hani? Even Tae told Jimin! What kind of bestie are you?” You fake cry, pulling the most hurt face you can muster, throwing a hand over your face just to guilt her, and Jungkook tags along.

“I’m sorry, okay? But let’s not forget the fact that you waited a whole week to tell us that you and Jimin are dating.” She brings up, shutting your whole argument down. She’s right about that, and you almost feel bad about it, but since she also kept a secret, it kinda cancels out.

“So are you guys like... a thing?” Jieun asks.

“No, we are not a thing, we’re just friends. He doesn’t like me like that.” Composing herself, Hani relaxes back into the seat, but she still can’t pull her eyes away from Tae walking away and the lady eyeing him up and down. You don’t bring up how it seems like she’s implying that there would be a relationship if he did like her that way, but you’re sure everyone else noticed.

“Really? It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself of that more than anything.” Jimin snickers, earning a razor edged glare from her.

“Watch it, pretty boy, before I shove this map up your ass.” She hisses, sending Jimin recoiling into you. “Let’s just go into this stupid park so I don’t have to watch him flirt with anymore ugly tramps.”

Just as she stands up, Taehyung reaches you, oblivious to her obvious jealousy. “Are we ready to go?”

“Yup! To the changing rooms!” You point and everyone follows Hani as she leads the way toward the changing rooms, the group of you renting out a locker to place all of your valuables in.

“Jungkook, what the hell is that?” Jimin questions, finally noticing the giant stuffed Iron Man that he’s been holding.

“Aw, did you win Jieun a prize?” You ask, looking between their faces, but Jungkook only looks down sheepishly.

“Actually, she won this for me.” He answers shyly, cheeks pinking up at your faces.

“Yeah, turns out he’s terrible at carnival games.” She smiles, nudging his shoulder playfully.

“Wow, Kookie. And after all that shit you were talking yesterday.” Taehyung laughs, the rest of you joining in on the teasing.

“I get it, I’m dumb. Can we please move on?” He whines, hiding his embarrassed bunny smile behind the doll.

“For the record, he did make some great attempts to impress me. I think he still has a chance with me.” At this, Jungkook uncovers his face, grinning down at her. “All will be forgiven as long as you share a funnel cake with me at some point today. I really want one.” She groans, mouth already watering. He agrees enthusiastically. You feel pride swell in your chest, your baby is growing up.

“That thing is not going to fit in the locker.” It’s Hani that breaks the moment, looking back and forth between the doll and the small locker size. “Guess I have to stay out of the water and watch it so it doesn’t get stolen. Damn, it’s too bad.” She shakes her head in faux disappointment and you immediately shut her down.

“No, nope, you’re getting in the water, we’ve been over this. C’mon let’s get dressed.” You nag as you pull her away.

In the changing room, you and Hani put on your swimsuits, showing them off and praising each other, as best friends do. Jieun already had on her swimsuit so she stayed out by the lockers, so it was just the two of you getting ready. While standing in the mirror to tie up your hair, you spot a familiar face in the background and your eyes go wide, elbow nudging into Hani's side a bit harder than you intended.

"Ow, what the-" You shoot her a look and she quiets down.

"That's her." You whisper, eyes staring down a woman through the mirror, glancing away after your friend sees who you were looking at.

"His side hoe? Candy the Stripper?" She whispers, eyes now locked on the unassuming lady.

"Yes, now stop staring." You say, so she looks away and continues struggling with her hair.

"She's not even that pretty." Hani scoffs. "Should we go over there and say something?"

"No! I don't want to ever have to interact with her or that asshole ever again." You roll your eyes, preparing to leave as soon as possible. "Come on, just leave your hair down, it's gonna get messy anyway." Hani stops to look at you with attitude, running her fingers through the long ropes of her hair.

"The goal is to not look like Medusa by the end of today, this monstrosity needs to be contained." She was right. Sometimes it seemed like her hair had a mind of its own and did whatever it wanted, so you let her take her time pushing it back into a loose ponytail, offering Candy a few quick glances before grabbing your things and walking out.

"I'm heading back to Jimin. We'll be out there waiting." You say, not looking back to see if Candy was looking. Honestly you felt like you looked way better than her. Your body was better, your personality was better, and you were rocking your outfit. This was your moment to shine.

Walking out of the changing room felt like you were walking down a runway. Maybe it was just the clothes you were wearing but something felt different. You felt good, sexy even, and all you wanted to do was put yourself on display for everyone to see the new and improved version of you. Things seemed to move in slow motion as Jimin turned his head and saw you walking— no, striding toward him in the middle of the busy walkway. From the way your hips swayed, to the swing of your hair, to the slight attitude you put into every movement especially when you put on your sunglasses, you looked like a freshly opened box of sunshine, radiating confidence and beauty for the world to see. But then you caught sight of that sickeningly greasy grin from behind your boyfriend and just like that the box was slammed shut, sealed with chains, and shoved into a bedroom closet.

You almost stopped dead in your tracks when you saw his face, the face that you wished you would never have to look at again, the face that made you sick to your stomach just thinking about it. You were glad your shades were partially covering your expression because you were sure you looked mortified. But it was as if he could sense your discomfort and his smile grew when he noticed the effect he had on you. He always did that. Smiled when you would crawl back into your shell and turn into a passive being. It was like he fed off of your anxiety and it somehow made him bigger, or at least feel bigger, and it was instances like this that gave him the opportunity to walk all over you. Your perception of him is now strongly skewed since you broke up with him. In only a week’s time, you have been treated better by Jimin than your ex ever did in the two years you were together and you quickly realized just how much he had abused you. Not physically, but emotionally. He abused his power over you because he knew you wouldn't do a damn thing about it. Told you not to get too confident because "you could always look better". One time he even yelled at you in public for "dressing like a slut" when your skirt was an inch too short, which is ironic considering the woman he ended up with. But all of the little things like that crushed your self esteem and you had turned into a timid girl around him without even noticing it.

You were never like that with Jimin. Even when you were still just friends, you were a completely different person. It wasn't just that you were comfortable around him, but somehow you knew he would never pass judgment on you and that you always had a listening ear, shoulder to cry on, and a ball of happiness to brighten your days. It was good to know that he stayed consistent with that as a boyfriend.

Chopping your steps, you shift your eyes back to the man who actually loves you and scurry toward him, nearly tripping over your own feet. Your head and shoulders had dropped without you realizing it, but Jimin noticed. He was watching you the whole time.

"What's wrong?" He asks, analyzing your face. He could see the small frown you tried to conceal and the nervous way you wiped your clammy hands against your leg.

"Nothing's wrong. What do you mean?" You respond, trying to sound convincing and failing.

"You look like you've just seen a ghost." He chuckles. You laugh along halfheartedly, but don't reply. As far as you were concerned, your ex was dead to you, so Jimin was not completely wrong. It felt as if you **had seen a ghost. A ghost from your not so distant past.

“Uh, where did the others go?” Changing the subject, you shift the attention away from yourself.

“Still over by the lockers. They wanted to lounge by the wave pool, but I think we should eat lunch first.” As he speaks, you try to pay attention, but your eyes keep flicking behind him nervously. Quite honestly, you weren’t sure whether or not you wanted to know if your ex was still staring at you, but curiosity gets the better of you.

“Oh, okay.” You respond absently.

“Unless you don’t feel like eating now? I know they always say not to eat before you swim...”

“Uh huh.”

“But it’s up to you. What do you want to do?” You don’t notice how he rambles on, eyes bouncing around your body as he tries to control himself. You look so damn good and you don’t even know it, and all he can think about doing is pulling you aside somewhere to show you just how hot he thinks you are. Shit, he better stop before he makes himself hard.

“Huh?” You’re a little startled, only now snapping out of your worrying, and he looks at you expectantly. “Let’s just walk around first and see what’s here. I think I might want to go on some rides before eating.”

“Okay, let’s go tell the others.” You follow as he leads you back toward the lockers where Hani is putting away the rest of her things and Jungkook is avoiding Jieun’s eyes at all costs as she stands in her bikini, spraying herself with sunblock.

“Put the hat in the locker!” Hani groans at Taehyung, but he just shakes his head like a little kid.

“No, it looks good on me.” He pouts.

“Yeah, but we’re at a water park. Take it off.”

“You said you liked it.” Oh, so that’s why he’s being like this. Jimin can only sigh. He thinks that stupid beanie is his good luck charm simply because Hani thinks it looks nice on him.

“Tae, don’t be like this.” You reach over and snatch the hat from his head, throwing it into the locker so Hani can finally close it. Jungkook looks over at you gratefully, moving away from his date to stand beside you so he can breathe a little easier.

“We’re about to head over to the wave pool, you coming?” He inquires.

“Actually, we’re going to go on some slides first. We’ll catch up with you later.” Jimin answers, receiving a nod from the group.

“Okay, we’ll try to save you some seats.” Jungkook assures with a wave as you and Jimin turn to leave. Your eyes scan the area while you walk and Jimin catches on to the odd expression adorning your face, sliding his hand into yours and making you jump a little.

“You okay?” He’s concerned and that’s the last thing you need him to be. “What’s with that look?”

“What look?”

“That look you get when you’re overthinking something. You had that same look on your face when we woke up the morning after the club last week.” Heat blooms across your face at the memory, how you tried to act as if everything was normal and cool while getting dressed, but ended up freaking out internally and staring off into space during breakfast. You were worrying about how your friends might feel about your relationship and how things might change between you and Jimin, but of course he was there to dispel all of your worries with kisses and a cute date.

“I’m just thinking.” Brushing off his concern, you mentally scold yourself. This day wasn’t about your ex, seeing him isn’t the end of the world, you should be paying more attention to having fun with your current boyfriend, who wants nothing more than to adore you and make you feel comfortable. Stop giving him things to stress about.

“Would you like to share what you’re thinking?” He asks carefully.

“Nope, it’s not anything important.” Walking a little faster, you squeeze his hand. “Let’s get on this ride, I’ll race you to the bottom!”

It always amazes you how spending time with Jimin can change your mood so easily. He had the ability to erase every doubt and anxiety out of your mind with a simple smile or laugh, and it’s always been like that with him, but now you finally understand the love behind each of his actions toward you. Plus, now he can shamelessly check you out and touch you whenever he wants because you’re officially his. It seems like every time you climbed up the stairs to get to the top of one of those water slides, he made sure you were in front of him just so he could stare at, grab, or smack your ass at any point and time. And each time you would squeal and laugh, shooting him a look when he’d act like it wasn’t him. The two of you breeze through half of the water park before you know it, skin and hair soaked but drying quickly in the heat and sun. Jimin keeps you close and all times, wanting to make sure all the guys who stopped to stare knew you were his.

“Are you hungry, babe?” You ask Jimin, tugging on his arm a little as you pass a food court.

“Starving.” He exaggerates, making you giggle. After you make a stop by the lockers, which you had apparently made it back around to, he returns. “You go order, I’ll find us seats.” He hands you a wad of money from his pocket and sends you off, knowing you already know what to get him since he always orders the same thing anytime you go out somewhere. He watches as you walk away, swaying your hips just a little extra because you can feel him watching, and you smirk to yourself as you imagine the cute blush on his cheeks.

Once in line, you look past the row of heads in front of you toward the menu, deciding what you want to order. The line gets longer behind you, but you pay no attention as you wait for the person at the front to finish, who is apparently ordering every item on the fucking menu, you assume. But then a nauseating stench hits you, one that smells of hair gel and too much cologne and you know who it is before he even starts to speak, already standing too close to you.

“Didn’t expect to see you here.” The man behind you speaks with a hint of amusement in his voice and you shudder, turning slightly to look at him from the corner of your eye. Unsurprisingly, you see that it is indeed your ex who has snuck up behind you. After getting no response, he continues. “This can’t be a coincidence; are you following me? Wow, (y/n), I never thought you’d go as far as stalking me while I’m on a date- I mean that’s a bit much, even for you.” You let out a heavy sigh, knowing that if you keep quiet eventually he’ll stop talking or leave, but also knowing how comfortable he is with having one sided conversations since he never gives anyone a chance to respond to him. “And I was just thinking about you yesterday too, wondering how you’ve been holding up without me... figured you were probably somewhere sulking or crying to your friends, but this? This is just sad. Showing up to spy on me during my date? I didn’t think you were that lonely. I bet you came here alone, didn’t you?”

He keeps talking and you take a step forward as the line moves up, clenching your fists tightly and looking toward the tables, seeing that Jimin had found an empty one and was patiently waiting for you. You hoped he didn’t look up and see your ex talking to you because if he did, you were sure he would storm over and punch his face in for even having the gall to talk to you, and you didn’t have the time or money to bail Jimin out of jail.

“And did you wear that slutty outfit in hopes of winning me back, cuz it’s not gonna work. You can show off all the skin you want, it’s not gonna make you any more attractive.” His malicious words sting a little bit, your rage building up with every word that came out of his sour mouth and all you wanted to do was curse him out in front of everyone. But break, my heart; for I must hold my tongue. You think, feeling like Hamlet, caught in a web of misfortune and inconvenience. You settle for turning around calmly, speaking to him in an even and firm voice as not to draw attention to yourself.

“Did you come here just to harass me?” You ask, mustering the straightest face you can hold.

“I’m not harassing you, you’re the one that followed me here to spy on me.” The smug look on his face tells you that all he wants is a reaction from you, your acknowledgment of him giving him exactly what he craved: attention.

“Okay wow,” You scoff. “Don’t flatter yourself. I will never be that desperate, especially not for you. And what makes you think I want you back?” You’re insulted that he even has the audacity to think that about you, much less to say it out loud.

“Well considering how poorly you treated me and my girlfriend last time we saw each other, and how you ruined all of my stuff by throwing it out on your lawn, I figured you wanted to apologize.” Girlfriend. Just the thought of him calling her that makes you sick because, at the time of the incident, you were supposed to be filling that role. It takes everything in you not to yell at him and slap him across the face, your blood boiling at this point.

“Don’t you dare try to play the victim. I caught you cheating. You cheated on me, not the other way around, so don’t even try to act like I’m the bad guy here.” You hiss, speaking lowly and shooting daggers at him with your eyes. You don’t even bother to address all the stuff he said about you before, you don’t care about what he thinks of you anymore, but you would not accept him pretending as if you did something wrong. Jimin spent too much time assuring you of your innocence for him to come and fuck it all up.

Before he can retort, you finally reach the front of the line, addressing the worker with a smile and beginning your order. You can feel him standing behind you, scrutinizing your every movement: the nervous way you rock back and forth on your toes slightly as you recite your order, the way your fingers tap at the counter distractedly while the cashier calculates your change, the politeness in your voice when you thank her and take your large tray of food, skirting past him without giving him a second glance before heading toward the crowded tables. You were always the same and he supposed you shouldn’t change that much in 2 weeks, but there was something different about you. And he only noticed it when he saw you sit at the table with Jimin, smiling and giving each other heart eyes. You were... happy. And confident. And possibly even in love. And he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

Lunch passes quickly, your overpriced food tasting below average yet fully satisfying your hunger, and soon you and Jimin are on your way back to your friends, deciding that now is the perfect time to sit and relax on the beach chairs. There are seemingly hundreds of chairs lined up, clustered together in front of the wave pool where children and adults splash around and play, and there is no way that you’d be able to find where your friends are.

“I think I can see Jungkook in the water over there,” Jimin points, grabbing your hand to lead you into the shallow end of the giant pool. “He’s all the way over in the deep end. Wait here, I’ll go get him.” He announces to you before wading deeper into the crowded waters, avoiding careless children too wrapped up in their games and moving a little too far from their parents. Your eyes are on his bare back as he walks, muscles flexing with every step as he makes his way, and you follow him until he’s chest deep before you look away.

Sitting down on the sloped bank of the pool, you watch the people around you enjoying their day in the sun and think about how this day could have been perfect. How it would have been a perfect date with your perfect boyfriend if That Bastard hadn’t shown up and tried to talk to you. Actually, it still is the perfect date, you’re the only one ruining it. Jimin probably doesn’t even know your ex is here, the thought of him never crossing his mind, but your mind is plagued with images of him and the harsh words he spoke to you back there. You don’t want Jimin to have a bad time because of your mood, but as you’re left alone, it’s starting to become harder and harder for you to fight these negative emotions. You were pretty quiet while you were eating, you wonder if he noticed. If he caught the way you would zone out occasionally and miss his words. Jimin was right earlier, you are overthinking, you always do, and if he tried hard enough, he would probably be able to figure out what exactly you were thinking about. Maybe he’s already figured it out, maybe he saw your ex and has been trying extra hard to cheer you up and show you a good time and you were just being stupid and stubborn by not making an effort to be happier. Once again, you’re screwing up. Just like how you screwed up your relationship and how you ignored all of Jimin’s efforts to show his love for you over the years.

A splash of water hits you straight in the face, jolting you out of your stupor and you’re dragged back into reality by the water that drips down into your ear. “Oops! I’m sorry Miss.” A young girl apologizes, turning back to her brother to yell at him and chase him around. You wave them off, tilting and shaking your head until you can hear from your right ear again.

God, you hate your mind. How did you dig yourself into this self-depreciating hole again? All of the insecurities Jimin has been working so hard to erase have come back so easily after one 5 minute conversation with the narcissistic asshole that cheated on you, and now you’re back to square one. Of course, he’s only had a week to change your mentality, but you were making a lot of progress and you’re throwing it all in the trash right now. You need to pull yourself out of this one this time, it’s not fair to Jimin if you don’t. Plus, you’re in the middle of a water park where you are supposed to be having fun, this is no place for sadness or guilt. Pull yourself together. The only person that thinks you’re a fuck up is you; your boyfriend absolutely adores you and cares about you and that’s all that matters, so you owe it to him to show him that same attention.

Speaking of, here he comes now, and damn does he look fine. Emerging from the water like some sort of god, Jimin makes his way toward you, Jungkook following closely behind, but your eyes don’t even see him. Droplets of moisture slide down your boyfriend’s hard chest and abs, glistening in the light beautifully. Your mouth gets dry and starts to water all at the same time when you take in how he looks when he sweeps the hair off his forehead, bicep bulging at the subtle movement in the most delicious way. His thighs pop from underneath his trunks, golden skin pulled tight over the strong cords of muscle that are built from exercise, and you can feel your pussy clench. Anything you were thinking about prior to seeing him is long gone from your brain and you can barely function until he’s standing right in front of you, looking angelic with the sunlight beaming behind his head. Your savior. The only one who can snatch you from your thoughts. You forget everything you were feeling insecure about moments before.

“C’mon, let’s head over to the seats.” You blink at Jimin when he speaks, only half registering that he’s talking to you. You don’t even notice that the waves have started up again, the increasing tide nearly knocking you over as you continue to sit and stare. He reaches a hand down to you and you take it, allowing him to pull you up from the water with a laugh.

“When did you get so sexy?” You manage to mumble, still ogling him as you follow Jungkook into the maze of lounge chairs.

He blushes, caught off guard by your sudden compliment. “I’ve been shirtless this entire time, why are you only noticing this now?” Cockiness: the ultimate cover up for shyness. You mirror his grin.

“Oh I’ve noticed, Jiminnie. I just keep noticing every time I look at you. You literally make me breathless.” To this he has nothing to say, looking away from you so you don’t see the bashful smile splitting his cheeks. He could say the same about you, but that would go on forever.

“Hey, there you are!” Hani exclaims, jumping up from where she was reclining to run up to your side. “Come with me, I want shaved ice.” Before you know it, you’re being dragged away before you even have a chance to put your things down. The boys look on in confusion.

“What was that about?” Jimin asks Taehyung, who looks utterly unbothered from where he sits. But as soon as he removes his sunglasses, his two friends can see the furrow in his dark eyebrows.

The concession stand isn’t far away, close enough that you can see where the seats are from where you stand in line. Hani stares straight ahead, instructing you to do the same and you listen, not looking at her when you speak. “So what the hell was that?”

“I don’t know what’s up with Taehyung today,” She blurts, causing you to glance at her, but she quickly reprimands you. “But he’s been acting really weird lately.”

“How so?”

“He was being super nice to me earlier and we actually had, like, a real conversation for once.”

“About?”

“About the word ‘date’. I told him I didn’t like that word and he tried to convince me that this is a date.”

“Oh?”

“But that’s not what’s weird. He’s been really clingy and lowkey possessive of me and it’s starting to freak me out.” You hum in thought and she continues. “Like a few minutes ago, when we were trying to find more beach chairs, because originally we could only get 3 that were next to each other, and I went over to this group of guys sitting next to us and finessed them into moving. Then Taehyung had the nerve to look all butthurt and upset like I did something wrong.” You can tell by the way her voice gets higher in pitch that she’s upset.

“Well, were you flirting with them?” You’re well aware of her definition of “finesse” and it usually involves using her body and charm to get what she wants. And it works almost every time.

“No! ...I mean, I can see how it would look like I was flirting from his point of view.” She scratches her cheek and you sigh.

/////

“What happened?” Jimin asks Taehyung, sitting on the recliner next to him after placing down his towel.

“Hani has no respect for me,” He starts, pouting and turning his body away from where you and her are standing.

“I don’t think Hani respects any of us.” Jungkook states, closing his mouth when Taehyung shoots him a glare.

“What did she do?” Jimin presses, glancing up at you two in the distance.

“We were trying to get seats for you guys when she sees these 3 dudes sitting next to us. She goes ‘I’ll ask them to move so we can have 6 seats together’ and I nod, thinking she’ll just politely ask them to sit somewhere else, but the next thing I know is she’s over there bending over and showing off her tits and ass and flipping her hair and those guys are loving it. I swear, I think one of them was actually drooling. Five minutes later, she comes back like nothing happened and says that we can have the seats.”

“So, you’re upset that she used her body to get what she wants?” Jimin questions with a raised brow. As if she doesn’t do that all the time.

“No, I’m upset that she... well... yeah.” Thinking about it, that’s exactly what’s gotten Tae’s panties in a bundle.

“Hyung, she does that to you all the time.” Jungkook points out, snickering at the look of despair on his friend’s face.

“This is different.” He can’t quite put it into words, but this time her antics struck a nerve in him. Tae can’t really explain because they weren’t there, they didn’t see it like he did.

“Why? Because it wasn’t directed at you this time?” Now Jimin is also chuckling, patting his friend on the shoulder as he weakly tries to defend himself.

“That’s exactly what it is,” Jungkook mocks, imitating Tae’s deep voice. “‘I’m Taehyung and Hani’s only allowed to show off for me because we’re fucking and she’s mine now. Her ass belongs to me and nobody else.’” He laughs loudly, Jimin joining in when Tae frantically turns to make sure you and Hani aren’t heading back yet. He doesn’t even question how Jungkook knows about the two of them.

“Shut up! Both of you!” He hisses.

/////

“Maybe he just doesn’t like you flirting with other men.” You reason to her, almost at the front of the line. “Probably because he likes you.” You wiggle your eyebrows at her and she turns her head from you, accidentally looking back toward your friends and making eye contact with the very man she’s trying to avoid. They both look away quickly.

“It’s not my fault if they flirt with me first. I will not apologize for being Fine As Fuck™, sorry not sorry.” Crossing her arms, she steps up in line ahead of you.

“I’m just saying that you don’t always have to flirt back.”

“Whatever. What do you know, you didn’t even notice Jimin had been flirting with you for 5 years.” She rolls her eyes and you choose not to take offense to that.

“Yeah, but once I finally realized, I actually did something about it and that’s why we’re dating today. I know you’re ‘allergic to commitment’ or whatever, but he likes you. And if you like him back then you need to grow some balls and speak up if you want anything more to happen between you two. Lord knows he’s terrible at taking hints. And apparently you are too.” You side eye her. She ponders your words for a few silent seconds before it’s her turn at the register and she orders her beloved shaved ice. She stays silent when you order too, getting an ice cream cone that’s probably too big for you, and you both head over to the flavor station where she can add her favorite flavored syrups until, finally, she breaks the silence.

“Since when did you get so wise?” She sounds a little spiteful, but you just shrug.

“Seems like I’m good at giving everyone advice but myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m just,” You let out a deep huff, causing her to look at you. “I saw He Who Must Not Be Named here, right after we saw Candy.”

“That Bastard-!”

“Listen!” You whine, cutting her off. “He approached me when I was getting lunch and tried to talk to me.”

“What did he say?” Now the two of you are standing in front of the station, blocking anyone who needs to use the machine, but no one seems to need it so you stay in your position.

“Some bullshit about how I’m spying on him and his whore while they’re on a date. I really don’t feel like repeating it,”

“Understandable.”

“But he really got into my head. Jimin didn’t see him, thankfully, but I felt really bad and insecure and all this shit that made me realize that I’m still not fully over the break up. Of course I’m over him, but this whole thing still feels so fresh and I kept trying to ignore it and distract myself with Jimin, but I’m still so broken. I think... I don’t know.” Bowing your head, you try to control your emotions. Saying this out loud felt worse than you thought it would. You probably sound so pathetic right now.

“Honey, no one expects you to be healed yet. It’s been, what, two weeks? Break ups take time and no amount of friends or perfect new boyfriends is going to change that. We can certainly help to make the healing go faster, but it’ll take time. And maybe these feelings will never go away, but you’ll get stronger and learn to deal with them. It’s way too soon to see him again, I can’t believe he even had the guts to come up to you. Actually, where is he? I need to have a word with him.”

“Don’t. I don’t want anyone interacting with him, he’s not worth it.” A small inkling of you really wants to see Hani beat the shit out of him and his new girl, but you have to be more mature than that.

“Fine, but just say the word and I’ll be there to kick his ass any time, any place.” She smiles, and you thank her fondly. “Anything for my main bitch.” Hani may be salty, loud, and obnoxious most of the time, but there are a few select moments where she can be really sweet. Her loyalty is unmatched by anyone you’ve met and that’s why you’re proud to call her your best friend. She’s had your back since Day 1 and you know that’s not going to change for a very long time. The tender moment is cut short, however, by some douchebag bumping her out of the way to get to the machine you’re both blocking.

/////

“I don’t think you have the right to be angry with her, hyung. She’s not your girlfriend or anything.” Jungkook takes a seat now too, sipping from Taehyung’s water bottle, which he snatches back from his hands.

“Don’t you have a date to entertain or something? Why are you over here with us?” Realization hits Kookie as he remembers that he left Jieun alone in the water, and he gets up in a hurry to rush back to her, hoping she doesn’t think he’s a dick for leaving her.

“He’s right.” Tae scoffs at Jimin, sliding his sunglasses back over his eyes. “I’m not here to tell you that it’s wrong for you to feel that way, but until you actually tell her that you want more, she’s free to do whatever she wants. And so are you.” Both men turn their heads to Hani just in time to see some guy bump into her while she’s flavoring her ice. She looks at him, irritated, but he smiles regardless, bowing his head in apology. They watch as he sparks up conversation, ignoring her raised eyebrows and tight lip to lean in closer to her.

“I know that, but if I’m being honest, I don’t think the flirting will ever stop, regardless of what I do.” Tae slumps.

/////

“That’s not what I meant.” The mystery guy chuckles nervously, clearly intimidated by Hani’s attitude, but obviously not enough to stop talking to her.

“It doesn’t matter what you meant, that’s what you said. Besides, you were already being rude by interrupting our very heartfelt conversation and you’re still being rude because you seem to think it’s okay to start a new one in the middle of ours.” Her pretty eyes bore into his and he’s left speechless for a moment, trying to recover the smooth ease he had a few sentences ago.

He looks to you seemingly for some sort of help but you just take a lick of your ice cream and look him up and down with a judgey raise of your brow. “That was pretty rude of you.”

“Then I apologize, it was my fault-“

“It absolutely was.” Hani cuts him off and his mouth is left hanging.

“I just wanted to know what you two beautiful girls are doing over here all by yourselves.” His toothy grin is back, though he doesn’t pull it off nearly as well as Jimin does, and both of you roll your eyes at his cheesy pick up line.

“We’re not interested.” Hani begins to walk away and you follow at her heels.

“And who says we’re alone?” Looking over your shoulder, you see that he’s taken a few steps toward you, but stops when you glare at him.

“Wait, I didn’t catch your name.” He calls to Hani, to which she replies:

“I didn’t throw it.” Without even glancing back at him. Then she turns and smirks at you triumphantly. “See, I didn’t flirt back. I’m making progress already.”

Back over with the boys, you finally get the chance to sit and relax, offering to share your ice cream with Jimin because it truly is huge, and he gladly accepts. He bites it like a serial killer, but you decide to let it go this one time because it feels nice sitting next to him and just being with him like this. Hani’s reassurance has instilled new confidence in you and you realize that you don’t have to pretend that everything is normal again. Jimin understands that you’re still hurt, he knows he isn’t the Magic Cure to everything, but he’s doing his best to be there for you and keep you happy and okay for now. That’s all he can do, that’s the only thing that’s in his control, and now that you know your role, it’s easier to see his intentions. All he wants is to be happy with you and show you that you’re loved. He isn’t trying to be a replacement or what your previous boyfriend should have been. He’s just being himself and doing what he’s always done best: be there for you.

Jimin isn’t sure how well he’s been doing at this whole boyfriend thing, but you seem to be okay. Something is definitely going on with you today, but he won’t press you if you don’t want to talk about it. Plus, he knows that if you don’t tell him, you’ll most likely confide in Hani, and he’s fine with that. You seem to be doing better than before, more at ease, comfortable, and as you share licks of ice cream, he can’t help but stare at you and get lost in his emotions. He doesn’t understand how someone had this, had you, and let all of it go to ruin so carelessly. God, you’re so beautiful it kills him. The way your eyes sparkle whenever you look up at him, cheeks curling in laughter when he gets a brain freeze. Even the way you swat at tiny bugs that surround your face is cute, your little frustrated huffs making him chuckle. But his eyes are locked on one thing in particular and he can’t seem to focus on anything else: your mouth. It should be illegal for you to look this good, glossy lips parting so you can lick your way up the dripping cone, the action almost seeming erotic when you do it while making eye contact with him. That sinful tongue of yours peeking out to lick away white, creamy goodness that sticks to your chin and the corners of your mouth, leaving them slightly wet and shiny. It reminds him of something else, something he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about since your first time together last week, and the imagery is driving him nuts.

“You’re so perfect.” He comments randomly, making you raise your brows at him.

“I’m not.” Pushing hair away from your face, you look down bashfully. He lifts your chin with one finger in the most cliche way, but in all honesty, if you weren’t already sitting your knees would have gone weak.

“Okay, nobody’s perfect, but you’re about as close as it gets. You’re perfect to me.” You can feel yourself blushing, face hotter than the metal of the lounger you’re sitting on, but you’re starting to get used to feeling that way around Jimin. The increased heart rate, flushed face, butterflies, those are all symptoms of being around him and you’re sure they won’t be going away any time soon.

“Where is this coming from?” You ask, smiling as his face nears unnoticeably.

“I told you, I’m going to say it every time I think it just so you know how often I’m thinking about you. So you better get used to taking compliments.” Before you can say anything, your lips collide in a sweet kiss, not deep or hurried, but careful and loving.

“Look at them, it’s like they’re in a fucking movie.” Hani chides playfully at Jimin’s first compliment to a still disgruntled Taehyung. He doesn’t say anything to her but looks at you two, envious of what you have. Yet his heart still bursts with joy that his best friends have found love. This could be us but you playing, he thinks. “Are you still mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you.” He says simply, returning to his laid back position and shutting his eyes.

“You’re also not a good liar.” She’s too tired to play along, this is becoming painful. “If you’re still in your feelings about me ‘flirting’ with those guys earlier, I’m sorry. I was just trying to get these seats, I didn’t know it would make you feel that way.” Was she apologizing? Hani never apologizes, at least not sincerely. He wants to see where this goes.

“I don’t care about who you flirt with, you’re a grown woman, do what you want.”

“And I’m sorry about the guy at the concession stand. I know you saw. I didn’t flirt back.”

“It’s not about the flirting, Hani-“

“And I’m sorry about what I said earlier, on the Teacups.” This makes Tae stop, looking up at her over his sunglasses before realizing that he probably looks silly and taking them off. “I know what I said sounded harsh, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I said we would never be more than fuck buddies but... I don’t know that. And I don’t know how you feel. Really, I don’t even know how I feel!” She lets out a humorless laugh, shifting her eyes away from him. “I’m... I’m just... such a fucking idiot sometimes. The truth is, I panicked when you said all that stuff about being a couple. I- I got scared because it made me **feel something and I didn’t know what to do with that so I got all defensive and... I’m sorry. We can be whatever you want us to be. I need to stop jumping to conclusions and making decisions for the both of us, it’s not fair to you. So, we can be whatever.”

Tae doesn’t respond, just looks at her looking at him, blinking wordlessly. He isn’t too sure what he should say or what she was expecting to hear from him. Should he forgive her? Leave her on edge a little? He doesn’t know what to do, so he just nods.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Hani blanches, and for probably the first time ever, Taehyung sees her show a little shame and humility. She’s a person that lives unapologetically with zero regrets and here he is turning her cheeks pink and making her mouth drop open like a fish. “The fuck is ‘okay’ supposed to mean?” But her words don’t hold the usual spice in them, it’s genuine and soft, vulnerable.

“I believe ‘okay’ is a word generally used to show acknowledgement for what someone has just said,” She narrows her eyes at him and he grins. “It means that I’ll take what you said to heart and think about it.”

Before she can reply, you gasp loudly and stand up, streaks of translucent white sliding down your chest between your boobs as Jimin sits there flush faced and dumbfounded. The ice cream (yes it’s ice cream, get your mind out of the gutter) had dropped out of its container and landed straight on your chest while you and Jimin were making out, leaving him sitting there with an empty cone in his hand and a spatter of frozen dairy on your chair. The coldness sends chills down your spine and you shiver, hands up and ready to do something, but there’s really nothing you can do at this point.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom to clean up.” You stutter out, avoiding the amused and questioning looks from the people around you. Taehyung stands up too, leaving Hani with words right on the tip of her tongue.

“I have to go to the restroom too, I’ll walk you there.” And then the two of you are gone, Jimin and Hani staring at your backs as you disappear into the crowd. As you walk, he turns to you, smirking cockily. “Your timing could not have been better.”

“What?” The initial shock is gone but you’re still uncomfortable, keeping up your fast walking pace.

“I don’t know what you said to her earlier, but Hani just apologized to me and I think she was expecting me to confess my feelings to her or something. Then I just stood up and left.” He’s laughing now, almost like he’s lost his sanity, and you don’t know what to say to that. Thankfully, he doesn’t wait for your reply. “I feel invincible right now, like I can do anything! You should have seen her face, I don’t think anyone’s ever left her hanging like that, especially on the rare occasions when she shows emotion. Now she knows how I feel all the time.” It almost feels like justice to Taehyung, the way he’s flipped the tables on her like that. He’s the one being sought after now, not the other way around, and she has to sit there and guess what he’s thinking until he decides to open up and tell her. It’s a game of wit, control, and finally it’s his turn to deal the cards and give her a taste of her own medicine. When he glances over at you, you hear his snort. “You know that looks like cum, right?” He points with one of his long fingers, and you answer him with a glare and a slap at his hand, ignoring his comment.

“I’m happy for you. Just don’t drag it out for too long, or else she’s gonna give up on you and start hating you.” You’ve seen her do it before.

“I won’t.” He sighs as you reach the separate restrooms. He does plan on basking in the mini victory while he can, however.

In the bathroom, you try to collect yourself. Your mind is still reeling, not from the ice cream incident, but from that kiss. You’ve never kissed in public before and now that you’re thinking back on how you probably looked, it’s embarrassing. But it didn’t feel wrong. Everything about it felt right, like his lips were made for you. You wonder how long he’ll keep the complimenting thing going, you’re not complaining, but you imagine that he’ll stop at some point. You don’t want him to stop. You don’t want it to ever stop because it makes you feel good, special, important, loved. It’s amazing how much the little things matter in a relationship, things you never needed or wanted before suddenly become something you thrive off of and you can’t pull yourself back from the high. Jimin calling you perfect, you never thought you needed to hear that until now. And it was sincere, everything in his body language showed you that, and that kiss made you feel more than a little loved. It also made you a lot horny, and now you have to deal with that familiar throbbing between your legs, only this time it calls for Jimin and nobody else.

Fixing your appearance, you take a few deep breaths in the mirror. How can one man make you forget yourself so quickly with just a touch of his fingertips? Jimin has so much power over you in the best way possible and you’ve only been together for a week. But his power is not like the kind your ex gained and abused, no, Jimin earned his by treating you like a human being and loving you with his heart, and you’re certain he would never use that against you. With high hopes, you walk out of the bathroom, only to run into the same metaphorical brick wall that’s been holding you back all this time.

“I saw you with your new little girlfriend and the three stooges over there.” A voice approaches you, causing an immediate headache to form behind your eyes. Something tells you to keep walking and ignore him, but your body freezes against your will and allows him to near you.

“I already know how you feel about my friends, I’m not stupid. But obviously I’m not that smart either because I was dumb enough to date you in the first place.” You mumble out. “And what makes Jimin my ‘little girlfriend’ and not a man? Does he need to act like a dick all the time like you to gain your approval?” The scowl on your lips only deepens when you see his smirk.

“He doesn’t need my approval, he’s just a rebound anyway. I always knew you were quick with the guys...” He drawls. The degrading insults are right on his tongue and he doesn’t even need to directly say them for you to know what he’s implying, to know what he thinks of you.

“So you get to move on immediately after our breakup with no remorse, but when I move on to someone who actually loves me, I’m the slut? Yeah, that makes a whole lot of fucking sense.” You roll your eyes, fed up with this conversation and wishing he would just walk away already.

“I’m not the bad guy here, I found someone better than you; did you expect me to hold myself back just to appease you?”

“No, I found someone better than you; you downgraded from me to whatever the hell that is.” You say, eyes pointing directly behind him and he knows exactly who you’re looking at— the short woman still too intimidated by your last encounter to approach any closer. Your level of sass shocks him for a moment and you know you’ve caught him. Looks like you’ve finally realized you don’t have to take his shit anymore. While he is still speechless, you decide to continue. “And if you weren’t the ‘bad guy’ here you would have taken the shorter, less complicated route and broken up with me long before you started seeing another woman. But you decided to take the most painful way around things and cheat, then lie about it, only to break up with me when you got caught and acted like it was your plan all along!”

He opens his mouth to say something, possibly to defend himself or insult you more, but a third voice cuts in before he can respond.

“Excuse me, ma’am, sir,” A park security guard interrupts, walking to stand right next to you two. He’s not super strong or tall or anything, but he has a uniform and you can tell it makes him feel big. He puffs out his chest a bit as he speaks. “I’m going to have to ask you to keep your arguing and profanity down to a minimum, this is a family friendly environment.”

You make eye contact with him and you must be giving him a death glare because he instantly shrivels up at the sight of it. The guard clears his throat, wishing both of you a good day before thanking you and walking away awkwardly, leaving you to continue your conversation.

“Please stop approaching me, it’s to the point where you look like the stalker here, not me. And I’m gonna repeat this old childhood phrase because apparently you don’t know it: if you don’t have anything nice to say, keep your mouth shut.” With this, you turn your back on him and walk back to where your friends are. He reaches out for you, but you’re quick enough to evade his hand. If he would have touched you, you were sure you would have lost it and punched him in the jaw, but luckily his hand misses and you are able to walk away peacefully. You look up to see a concerned Taehyung who watched the entire scene unfold.

“Do I need to go over there and fuck him up?” He asks in his sweet baritone voice once you reach him.

“No. Why does everyone want to fight him?” You sigh.

“Because he deserves it.” Taehyung shrugs, throwing an arm over your shoulders, and you lean your head into his side as he walks you back over.

“What happened?” Upon seeing the look on your face, Jimin gets up and moves toward you, not taking no for an answer when you try to wave him off.

“She saw-“

“Don’t say his name.” You snap, and Taehyung rolls his eyes.

“She saw That Bastard over there and he felt the need to come up and say something to her. It looked like she handled him pretty well but I was watching to make sure nothing else went down.” Passing you off like a baby, Taehyung hands you to Jimin who pulls you into his arms to cuddle you tight.

“I’m fine, really. It’s not that big of a deal.” You muffle into his chest, cheek pressed against his bare skin.

“That’s it. Where’s Jungkook? We’re going over there to rough him up a bit for talking to our girl like that.” Hani stands up too and now you feel like you’re surrounded, so you push Jimin away gently just so you can breathe.

“Guys stop. Leave it alone. This doesn’t have anything to do with you guys, it’s something that I can handle on my own.” That’s a damn lie and they know it, it shows on their faces.

“But you don’t have to.” Hani stresses, looking straight into your eyes. “We’re your support system, let us help.”

“The best thing you guys can do for me is to help me forget about him. I don’t want this day to become more about him than it is about us having fun together. Can we just pretend that never happened and move on?” With sympathetic stares, everyone nods and let’s it go. The day progresses as if nothing is wrong, you all finish the rest of the slides at the water park before deciding to get dressed once again and head back to the regular park to experience the remaining few rollercoasters.

Jungkook and Jieun have long disappeared from your group, it is their first date after all, so you completely understand that they want to do their own thing for a while. Eventually, Jimin makes the point that you are also on one of your first dates as he pulls you away from Taehyung and Hani, who barely realize as they’re absorbed in their own conversation. From what you heard, Taehyung is finally enlightening her about his feelings, though probably not confessing to her directly, and you wonder if today is the start of something new for them. They’re talk must have went well because you later see them strolling around together, Hani tapping out from the rollercoasters for the rest of the afternoon and instead focusing her energy on winning prizes at the game counters.

You and Jimin just walk for a while, taking in the beautiful scenery around you. He’s watching you, you can feel it, but you try your best to ignore it. Now that he knows what has been bothering you all day, Jimin feels a little guilty. As your boyfriend, he should have done something about your ex, told him to leave you alone and never talk to you ever again or something. But he is more concerned about your feelings more than anything. Gloom has consumed the rest of your energy and you seem almost sluggish now, dragging your feet and staring off into space. He feels responsible in a way and tries to make up for it by actively looking around for anything that may upset you so that he can protect you, but he gets the sense that you’re doing the same, even if it’s not intentional. The two of you get on a few more rides, Jimin even suggesting it despite you knowing how terrified he was of them, but nothing he does seems to lift your spirits.

“Can we just... sit?” You ask him quietly, leading him over to a bench on the side. The oppressive heat swirls around you, but you don’t seem to mind it anymore, refusing his offer of a cold water bottle. So you two just sit in silence and people-watch, observing the hyper kids, disciplining parents, goofy teenagers and their friends, happy couples. Happy couples. Gut feelings are the worst, especially if you don’t know what to expect or why you’re even feeling that way. Jimin’s gut is telling him that trouble is coming. He studies you as your eyes bounce couple to couple, old to young, clingy to awkward. Then your expression changes to one of disbelief and he follows your line of sight until they land on a sickeningly familiar pair. He has never seen your ex’s new fling, but he can tell by the way his arm is coiled around her that she must be Candy. He frowns, watching That Bastard pause with a venomous smirk to make eye contact with you before diving in and devouring her mouth. It’s obscene and unnecessary and 100% a power move just to get under your skin— and it works. Before he can even inhale to say anything, you’re on your feet and bolting away, leaving Jimin in your dust as he scrabbles to grab his bag and chase after you.

You always thought it was so stupid in movies when girls would run away from things that upset them, stumbling through suddenly dense crowds to get away, blinded by their distress and gushing tears. You never understood it— until now as you push people out of the way so that you can get through, sensing their hard stares searing into your back as you run as fast as you can. Of course, you don’t even know where you’re going, searching for anywhere that will allow you to shed your tears in peace and process it all, but privacy is scarce in a place like this and you most certainly don’t have a clue where to find it. Jimin’s voice calls desperately behind you in an effort to get you to stop or at least slow down. He’s faster, but surprisingly less agile in the skill of dodging people, and his frustration grows with every group of people he gets stuck behind as he watches you distance yourself from him. Miraculously, you find an unoccupied family restroom that locks from the inside, and as soon as you reach it, you shut and lock the door behind you to keep out the outside world so that you can finally break down and crumble to the floor.

The room is spacious and astonishingly clean, probably rarely used because of its placement in the park. You don’t know where you’ve run off to, but Jimin doesn’t recognize this part of the park when he looks around, standing outside the locked door, trying to catch his breath. You weren’t running from him, no, but now that you think about it, maybe you were.

“Baby, please open the door.” He pleads.

Maybe you didn’t want him to see you like this, crying hysterically over the fucker that cheated and dumped you two weeks ago. Maybe you didn’t want him to see this side of you. It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve cried in front of him, the two of you have been through a lot over the years, but there’s something about this situation that makes it different. He can hear you sobbing on the other side of the door, voice bouncing off the walls of the room and echoing in his ears even from the outside, and you know he knows you’re crying. But you can’t let him see it for himself. There’s a difference between him knowing you’re a mess and actually witnessing it. Something that makes it realer for you. Showing your vulnerability for a man that never loved you, who mentally and emotionally abused you, it makes you feel stupid. And weak. And the worst part is that he’s the reason why you think of yourself this way.

“(Y/n). I’m here for you- I want to be here for you. I know you’re distraught, you have every right to be, just let me comfort you.” Jimin’s gentle voice is slightly muffled through the heavy door. With head and hands pressed to its surface, he hopes you can hear him.

“I don’t want you to see me like this.” Your response comes after another minute or two of sniffling, frantically trying to calm yourself down enough to speak to him.

“I don’t care about what you look like right now, I just want to see you.”

“No, I mean I don’t want you to see me crying because of him.” He’s silent for a moment before you hear his sigh. Imagining the disappointment on his face. “Did you see him?”

“Yes, I saw him. Babe, it doesn’t matter to me that you’re crying about him. The only thing that matters is that you’re okay. It is my job as your boyfriend and best friend— as someone who loves you deeply— to make sure that you’re alright and to comfort and reassure you. That’s always been my top priority and that’s never going to change. So if you need to cry, I’ll be there with tissues. If you need a hug, I’ll be there with open arms and forehead kisses. If you want to hit something, I’ll be your punching bag. But I can’t help you from the outside like this, I never could. Please let me in this time. Don’t shut me out.”

As soon as he finishes speaking, another wave of emotion hits you and drags you under. And this time it’s because of his words. Jimin has always been there for you, and you’ve always been there to push him away. Your stubbornness to open up to him on various occasions has built up a virtually indestructible wall between the two of you, one that you reconstruct every time you feel the slightest bit sensitive. He tries every way he can think of to reach you on the inside of it: go around the wall, jump over it, break through it, but your forces are impenetrable when you want them to be. And now you’ve even created a physical barrier for him to get through. What is wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this? Sitting here thinking about it, you realize that you’ve been hurting Jimin all along. He’s right outside that door, waiting to give you his love and unconditional support and here you are, alone, focused on yourself and the actions of another man. If this relationship is going to work out, you need to learn how to let him into your head and be there for you. He can’t read minds.

When the door finally unlocks, you snatch Jimin in with you before locking it again, back still facing him. Your name slips from his lips and you relent, turning to look at him, and his heart shatters in its cage at the sight of you looking so broken. Immediately, he pulls you into his arms— or were you the one to fling yourself at him?— and your cheek connects with his firm chest. The only time you’ve cried over your recent breakup (that he knows of) is the day that it happened. He remembers when you showed up at his house hiding your tearstained cheeks and puffy, red eyes behind a bag of comfort food and a fake smile as you watched him play video games, avoiding his questions. At that time, all he wanted to do was engulf you in his arms and never let you go, but that’s not what you wanted; you were too stubborn to admit your emotions, using distractions to keep your mind off things so you can overcome your feelings alone. Except, you were never really overcoming them, you were pushing them off to the side, and they kept piling up until the weight of them became too much and they tumbled over, slamming down into you from the slightest push.

Jimin lets you cry for a while, stroking your hair and back, shushing you and whispering sweet nothings to make you feel better, but it was clear that you would need more than this. He could tell that you were still trying to calm yourself down, taking deep, ragged breaths only to burst into another wave of sobs, each one more intense than the last. You’re mind is a whirlwind of torment: thoughts of your ex trying so hard to disturb you, how you’ve been distancing yourself from Jimin, and the fact that you’re not over this whole thing yet and how much you want the pain to be over already. Everything is just pouring out of you right now and you don’t know how to stop it.

“Hey,” He starts softly into your hair. “What’s going through that pretty head of yours?” He wants to say something helpful, but first, he needs to know exactly what you’re upset about. He doesn’t want to assume.

When you manage to peel your face away from his body, you discover that his shirt is soaked with your tears. You apologize weakly, running a hand over the material, but he shakes his head at you. He’s staring down at you expectantly, awaiting your explanation, but you can’t look him in the eyes knowing you look so crazy right now, makeup smeared and ruined, eyes swollen and bloodshot, lip trembling, nose dripping. He reaches over to give you something to wipe your face with other than his shirt and you thank him before attempting to speak.

“What does he have against me? Why does he want to see me suffer so badly?” And you’re crying again, this time into the saturated paper towel pressed to your face. But you try to continue. “Even when we dated, he always tried to hurt me. Convince me that I would never do better than him, that I should be honored that he chose me. I feel so dumb because I’m only just realizing that he sucked me into his little game; that he only wants to break me, and he won’t even stop now that we’re not together anymore! You all told me he was a piece of shit. I should have listened. And I’m starting to accept those past mistakes, but seeing him kiss her-“ You fight to hold back your cries. “It felt like a slap in the face. That was him telling me that I meant absolutely nothing, that he didn’t care about me or my feelings and that he wanted me to see how fucking happy he is with his new whore, without me. I just don’t understand why anyone would do something like that! I want him out of my life!”

“You’re not going to like this, but I have to say it.” Jimin starts, making you look up into his eyes finally. “(Y/n), the only reason he’s still in your life is because you’re keeping him there. He may be physically away from you, but he’s still controlling you in a way. He controls how you think, what you wear, even how much fun you have while you’re doing things that have nothing to do with him. It’s almost like you’re waiting for him to come back and say something to you, comment on the way you’re living your life, and all of that means that you still care significantly about what he thinks about you— about us— when he probably never cared about your thoughts and emotions to begin with, even while you were dating.” Your eyebrows knit together and you shut your eyes, trying to control your breathing. “I know that hurts, it’s supposed to, but you needed to hear it. I love that you care so deeply about people, you have the biggest heart out of anyone I know. But I almost wish you didn’t because then this wouldn’t be so hard on you.”

“I can’t not care about him, I spent 2 years caring and worrying about him. I think I just want to see something, anything, that shows me that he had any feelings for me at all. And he’s doing everything in his power to show me that I was nothing to him.” Jimin wipes away your slowing tears with his hand, grabbing another paper towel.

“But I think that’s just it. You did mean something to him, he wouldn’t have stayed with you for that long if you didn’t, but now he’s overcompensating to hide the fact that he regrets his mistake and is just as upset as you are. I’m sure he hasn’t paid any attention to Candy ever since he saw you earlier today. If you were unimportant and she meant anything to him, don’t you think he would have spent his time with her instead of following us and plotting how to get a reaction out of you? He’s just using her. To get to you. We know he’s manipulative, you know that, so you can’t let him keep controlling you like this. You have to let him go.”

“I’m trying.” More tears fall down your face, but he’s quick to catch them.

“I know you are. And I’m aware that it’ll take time, but I’ll be here for you every step of the way. I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy. I’m happy with you. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been! Please don’t think that this means I love you any less.” Your arms wrap around his body again, pulling him close to feel his heartbeat. “He thinks you’re just a rebound, that I’m just dating you to spite him. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I’m not going to lie, I have thought about the possibility that I’m just a rebound...” His body tenses slightly and you can’t believe your ears. “I know I’m not, but I also knew that you would need time to recover from this. Maybe we were too quick to jump into this relationship-“

“Jimin, I would never do something like that, especially not to you. I love you and I want to be with you, and that has **nothing to do with him.” Suddenly you’re stoic, tears dried and eyes alight with flames at the thought that he would even think that. You were completely unaware that he felt this way, that your obsession with your ex’s obsession with you was making him feel insecure and unsure of your feelings for him. And you suppose that’s all on you.

“Good.” He can’t help the smile that lifts his lips, the corner of yours lifting a bit too. “Sometimes I’m selfish and I want you all to myself. I know this isn’t about me or my feelings because you still need time to heal, but sometimes I get jealous when you think about him while you’re with me.” A cute pout forms on his lips and his aegyo is unmatched. “Like earlier when you kept zoning out. I knew you were thinking about him, but I wanted so badly for you to be daydreaming of me. Because I’m always thinking about you.” Pulling you closer, your hips connect so that your bodies are flush against each other, faces an inch apart.

“But I do think of you, you’ve been running through my mind nonstop for the past week.” Your hand climbs up to brush his cheek, tracing the soft flesh as you look into each other’s eyes.

“Well, you’ve been running through my mind since the day I met you. You must be exhausted.” A playful scoff leaves you when he says this, a genuine smile lifting your cheeks.

“Terrible joke.” The mood breaks and you’re both caught in a fit of giggles, bodies still pressed together.

Jimin can only think about how beautiful you look right now, even after you’ve been crying, and he takes this time to admire you. You think you’re weak for breaking down over your ex, but Jimin thinks you’re incredibly strong for having the guts to move on from a person like him and make the effort to live a normal life again after everything you’ve been through instead of locking yourself in your home and moping all day. He recalls that time his ex-girlfriend broke up with him and he didn’t leave his house for several days in a row until you came and forced him to get up. You’d said that the best revenge he could get on his ex is to resume his life like nothing happened and to move on. And that’s what he did. Of course, it was much easier for him to do this when the woman that he truly loved all along was right with him every step of the way. He was really thankful that you were there for him and he’s even more thankful that he gets to be here for you to return the favor.

Before you both realize it, you’re leaning in, laughter having died down until all that remains is genuine longing and trust in your eyes. The first kiss lands softly on your lips, tentative and sweet before he pulls back to look for your reaction. But all you do is wrap your hands around his neck and pull him down for something deeper, surprising him with the force you use as you part his lips with yours, nibbling his bottom lip and encouraging sounds from both of you. The temperature in the room seems to spike higher as you continue to make out, and the sudden urge to rip each other’s clothes off starts to consume you. His hips roll into yours slowly, his semi erect length pressing into your stomach and pulling a moan from you when you break the kiss for air. Biting your lips, you drop your hands down to his bulge, palming him through his pants and pressing kisses to his chest.

“We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” Jimin says, although his fingers press against your waist when you undo his button and zipper. “I don’t want you to think that you have to do anything for me.”

You appreciate his concern, always the gentleman, but at this point the fire in the pit of your stomach from earlier has reignited just from being alone with him and you can’t think of anything you’d rather be doing than this. “That’s nice and all, but I’ve been dying to do this since we got here this morning. I’ve been wet ever since I saw you walking around at the water park.” You say as you push his shorts down just enough so that you can pull him out.

“I’m glad I wasn’t the only one that was horny while we were there.” He finally relaxes when you sink down to your knees, licking your lips when you are eye level with his dick. “But I need to hear you say it first, just to make sure. Tell me that you want this.” He stares down at you expectantly as you adjust your position, looking up at him with sparkling eyes.

“I want this,” You say, placing kisses along his hips as you speak, running a hand up his stomach to move his shirt out of the way. “I want your lips... I want your cock... I want your cum...” Finally reaching his tip, you give it a small lick before moaning. “I want you.” And then you’re leaning forward to take his entire length into your mouth, still only half hard so he fits easily. A loud hiss of surprise leaves his lips, followed by an unfiltered groan of pleasure when he feels how wet and hot your mouth is around him. One hand falls to the top of your head, tangling in your hair as you begin to bob up and down on him.

“You can have me, baby, I’m all yours.” Jimin can’t take his eyes off of you, the sight of his cock stuffed down your throat enough to hypnotize him. He’s pictured this thousands of times, yet somehow this still surpasses every one of his expectations. Your smooth lips slide easily up his shaft, tightening as you suckle on his tip, running your tongue all around the head. Precum leaks onto your taste buds and you groan, pussy throbbing with desire when you feel him rapidly stiffening inside you, his weight heavy on your jaw. You take him in all the way a few more times to wet his flesh with your thick saliva and he watches with glazed eyes as it dribbles down your chin while your hands twist expertly along him.

“You’re getting hard so fast. Like what you see?” You tease, earning yourself a little tug on your hair, but to Jimin’s surprise, you moan in response. Before he can say anything, you reconnect your lips to his head, bobbing shallowly along the sensitive area as both your hands squeeze and jerk the rest of his now completely erected cock. His breath hitches and his abs contract, already glistening with the sheen of sweat.

“Ah, fuck,” He throws his head back when you suck harder, eyes still peering up at him beautifully. “This is the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life. You’re amazing at this, baby girl.” The breathless quality of his praise makes you hum, cheeks heating up at the view you have of him from this angle. He looks like a classical piece of artwork, sculpted and chiseled everywhere that counts, his plump lips wet from the amount of times he’s licked them as his dark eyes fall on you. His stare makes your knees wobble beneath you, already damp panties now gushing with wetness at the way his fingers caress your scalp gently in appreciation. You use your tongue to eagerly lap at his sopping slit, tasting more of his salty flavor as he finally lets loose an honest moan that you can feel through your mouth. “Can you take more of me, baby?”

He moves his hips a bit, sliding just a little further down your tongue and you smile up at him through your eyes, humming an answer before removing one, then both of your hands and letting him penetrate your throat when you press forward until your nose tickles his base. Another loud groan rips from his chest, reverberating against the hard walls and ringing in your head. His fingers grip your hair tight and you have to squeeze your eyes and legs shut at the bolt of pleasure and pain that travels through you, satisfaction written all over you despite the dampness of your eyes. You deep throat him a few more times, relaxing your jaw and focusing on breathing through your nose so that you don’t gag around his thick girth, but the moment his hips jerk, your muscles tighten again and you lose your rhythm, producing an obscene gagging noise as your throat closes around him. His hand in your hair offers the slightest bit of resistance when you pull back, and upon looking up at his face, you find pure, unadulterated bliss on his features, teeth sinking into his lower lip to hold back the slew of sounds on the tip of his tongue. Jimin wants so desperately to look at the wonders you’re working below his waist, but he feels like if he looks down at you he’ll lose his load right there and that’s not how he wants this to end. Especially not when he noticed the way that one of your free hands snuck down into your shorts not long ago.

“Good?” You ask when you see that he still hasn’t opened his eyes yet. You’re still trying to catch shaky breaths, swallowing hard to regain use of your throat and Jimin is still standing there looking shell shocked. As soon as he opens his eyes to reassure you, you go down on him again, this time intentionally making yourself choke once his tip enters your throat. Holding yourself there for a few seconds, you listen to the ragged breaths and small whimpers Jimin makes above you, thighs and fingers trembling ever so slightly in restraint.

“Holy s-shit, (Y/n), just like that,” He curses, trying his hardest to keep his eyes open. “That’s my good girl, taking this cock so well. You look so pretty choking on my cock.” You had already witnessed his dirty talk the first time you fucked, yet you’re still surprised by the filthy words he produces so easily. You wonder if you’ll get to see another side of him today. He strokes your cheek with one hand, loving how he can feel himself sliding in and out through the thin layer of your hollowed skin. He takes in your gorgeous face as you continue to take him deeply, using one hand to stroke what you can’t fit, and he thinks he’ll go insane. Your glittering eyes brim with fresh tears, this time not from sadness or anger, but from the effort you put into making him feel good. Your cheeks are splashed with color both from the heat and from your actions, and sweat beads at your forehead as you work tirelessly on him.

You’ve slowed to a steady pace, sensually licking up and down his cock while making intense eye contact with him, just like you had done with your ice cream earlier. He’s getting close now, you can tell by the subtle throbbing that starts at his base, and you work on making yourself look as visually pleasing as possible. He’s watching you like a hawk as you pull your mouth off of him, gazing at him innocently as you lick up and down his veins, teasing the frenulum and circling around the tip. You allow more spit to drip onto him, everything now soaking, and the sight makes him dizzy with arousal, but when you remove your hand from your panties and use it to play with his balls, that’s when he draws the line. Your fingers are sticky and wet on his spit slicked sac and he feels he’s reached his breaking point, so he yanks you away from him by the hair and pulls you up before you can even blink.

He doesn’t want to cum like this, he needs to be inside you.

Smashing his lips against yours, Jimin backs you into the nearest wall so he can push his body against yours, wanting to feel all of you. By the time he pulls away, you’re gasping for air, taking in large puffs as he kisses his way down your jaw, your neck, down to the collar of your shirt. And then it’s gone. He has it up and over your head in no time flat along with your bra, tossing them aside onto the counter. Once you’re exposed, he dives in to kiss around your chest, licking everywhere but the erected peaks that practically tingle for his attention.

“Jimin, please.” You moan, eyes shut as you rest your weight against the wall. He plants pecks and love bites all along your skin, sure to leave them in covered areas, and you hiss at the sting of his teeth, whining when he uses his tongue to soothe over them. Your fingers card through his hair, pushing it away from his face gently as you try to be patient about the call of your nipples and the drip between your thighs, but you don’t have to wait long because soon he’s licking over the buds hungrily, sucking one of them into his mouth and pinching at the other with unforgiving fingers. “Ah!”

The thigh he has pressed between your legs catches you by surprise when your hips roll into it unintentionally. Toes curling in your shoes, you jolt at the sensation, throwing your head back to crash into the wall. He looks up at you in shock and concern when he hears the noise and you both stare at each other for a second before breaking out into cute giggles, his hand reaching up to rub the back of your head.

“Be careful, silly.” He grins, offering a quick peck to your lips before slipping back into that dominant, lust driven mask he wore just moments ago. “Grind on my leg, baby.” The duality is shocking. His words stir something within you, though, and you immediately comply, rubbing against him experimentally. To help you, he quickly removes your shorts, leaving just your drenched panties as a barrier against his clothed thigh. And then he’s back to sucking your other breast with enthusiasm. The feeling of his hard muscles rubbing on your clit is more than relieving, and you practically melt into a nice rhythm that has you moaning instantly. “Fuck, you’re so wet I can feel you soaking through my pants.”

“S-Sorry.” You apologize quietly, cheeks burning when you realize that it’ll probably leave a stain, but Jimin doesn’t care.

“I want you so badly, baby girl.” He groans, hands on your ass to help you move on his thigh. Your breathing picks up, chest rising and falling right in front of his face as he places more marks between the valley of your breasts. Circling your hips, you can only focus on the empties inside of you, wishing it was filled with his thick, hot cock that rests only a few inches from you, twitching with the need to be touched. The thought sends heat throughout your body and you speed up your movements, gripping onto Jimin’s shoulders when you feel your high approaching. He flexes his muscle and your eyes roll to the back of your head from the new sensation, and suddenly you’re moaning his name desperately, bucking into him a few more times before you finally reach your peak, both of you groaning into each other’s necks. You cling to him, legs shaky and body weak, but your pussy still aches and pulses for the cock that he has pushed against your upper thigh.

“Watching you cum never gets old,” He sighs, playing back the moment in his mind until you snap him out of it.

“Jimin, fuck me.” You whisper, balling up his shirt in your fists. Ever since your first time together last week, you’ve been dying to experience him again. You’d never tell him this, but you’ve masturbated to memories of that night almost everyday this week, and you can’t wait to make new ones. You think you’ve fallen in love with his dick.

Grunting in agreement, Jimin grabs hold of the back of your thighs, lifting you effortlessly to pin you against the wall with his body weight. His lips meet yours hastily as his hands move to grip your ass, fingers slipping beneath the crotch of your panties to play with your slit before pulling the material to the side and finally exposing you. He wishes he could see what you look like below him, shiny and swollen with arousal, pussy silently pleading for him to enter you.

“Such a needy little pussy you have, baby girl.” His eyes drop to watch as he easily inserts two fingers into you. “Always wanting more, huh? Cumming on my thigh wasn’t enough, you need to be filled with something before you can be satisfied, is that it?”

“Yes,” You gasp when a third finger stretches you, thrusting quickly until you’re completely relaxed, ready to take more. Jimin leans in to kiss your neck, just barely holding himself back from sucking dark marks there for everyone to see. He wants to mark you, claim you as his, show you off and remind you that you’re his now and that he’ll never let you go or do anything to hurt you.

“All you have to do is ask, baby, I’ll be more than happy to please you.” Mumbling into your neck, he skims his tongue higher and nibbles on the lobe of your ear, loving how you shut your eyes and roll your head in delirious need.

“Babe,” You whine in disappointment when he removes his fingers from you, grinding into his hips for some type of friction as you watch him lick his fingers clean while holding heated eye contact with you. He raises an eyebrow, waiting for you to speak. “Jimin, will you please fuck me?”

“You want this cock?” He asks, sending pleasant chills down your spine as his breath tickles your ear, one of his hands positioning his tip to barely brush the outside of your weeping folds. He makes a noise when he feels a long string of your juices drip out of you to kiss his head, the cool liquid making him twitch against you. You whimper then nod, his nose skimming the side of your face delicately. “Then beg for it.”

“Beg for it?”

“Beg for it.” He confirms with a wicked grin, watching the way your eyes search his in doubt. He’s serious, you realize, and that only makes it hotter. You’ll do anything he asks at this point, all if it means that his dick ends up inside you at the end of it.

“Baby, please, I need you inside me. Show me I’m yours, take me against this wall and make me forget about everything but your cock.” Saying these words while looking him in the eyes affects you more than you thought it would and you’re surprised just how into dirty talking you are. He’s starting to bring out another side of you that you didn’t know existed.

“Keep talking.” He rasps, his soft tip finally beginning to push inside. The stretch isn’t as bad as last time, but you’re far from used to it, lacing your hands in his hair and pressing your forehead to his to endure the slight burn.

“God, you’re so big,” Your mouth hangs open, gaping at the way he manages to rub all of your sensitive spots with his shallow strokes, still pushing himself in deeper. “I’ve dreamt about you every single day since that night— how you touched me, how you kissed me, how you made me feel so loved even as you fucked me into your mattress.” It’s hard to breathe when he’s stealing your breath away like this, staring into your soul with his chocolate eyes and reaching for your cervix with his cock. “Fuck, why did we wait so long to do this again?”

Jimin grunts, lowering you the rest of the way down his shaft. Your eyes roll to the back of your head when he’s fully sheathed inside, your legs tight around his waist to keep him close. “You’re everything to me,” He replies, kissing your lips slowly and delivering soft circles of his hips so you can feel him moving inside you. “I didn’t want you to think that I was only after sex from you. You’re so much more than that.” His lips feel cool in the now stifling room, tongue soothing against yours.

“I never thought that about you, Jimin. And I want you to know that that’s not what I’m after either.” You smile. “But right now, I really need you to destroy me.” Wiggling your hips as much as you can between him and the wall, you urge him move. With one more kiss, he slips back into his dominant persona, squeezing your ass hard in his hands, cold rings pressing against your skin as he pulls out of you, relishing in the sound of your slick before slamming into you with enough force to jolt you up the wall. You can’t even breathe with the first thrust, but the succession of thrusts that follows pulls heavy gasps and moans from your lips.

His hips settle into a rhythmic beat, slapping against the back of your thighs and ass as he readjusts so that his arms are hooked beneath your knees. He groans when he’s allowed the slightest bit deeper, pushing you tight to the wall to make sure you don’t move as he plows into you. The pain of your bare shoulder blades digging into the hard concrete goes practically unnoticed, you’re on cloud nine. The ache you’ve been feeling, the void left inside you that just so happens to be in the shape of his dick, the need to be closer to him: it’s all being relieved right now. Feeling him drag against your insides and hold your body close to his is damn near euphoric, you practically feel high.

“I missed this pussy,” Jimin’s teeth finally give in and nip at your shoulder and collarbone. The thought of warning him against it briefly crosses your mind in the one second between thrusts, but as soon as he’s back in— deliciously deep— you drop all complains. “So warm and soaking for me. I can feel how it sucks me back in, so greedy, baby girl.” You hear the smirk in his voice, shaking slightly with the power of his movements. It’s loud in here, every little sound bouncing off the surfaces of the room and magnifying. Every slap of his hips, every ragged breath, all of the whimpers and moans leaving your throat. It’s not hard to hear the sounds Jimin makes for you, how he sucks in through his teeth and groans quietly, trying to control himself solely for the purpose of not cumming too soon. People outside can probably hear it too, but right now, it’s only you and him in your own little world. “Fuck, you feel like heaven.”

He pulls you away from the wall so that he’s standing on his own, your arms instinctively tightening around his neck until your chest is flush with his. The hands placed on your ass slide higher onto your thighs as he starts to bounce you, up and down, up and down, gliding effortlessly along his pole.

“S-Shit,” You whine, a mixture of lust and fear coursing through you at the height you’re getting. Jimin carries you like you weigh nothing, his delectable biceps looking solid as ever as he repeatedly lifts you into the air and drops you down to impale yourself on him. From this angle he can see the sweat dripping off of you, face contorted in ultimate pleasure from the depth he’s getting, tip kissing your cervix in a different angle each time. Your breasts bounce harshly in front of him looking jiggly  and soft and he holds his mouth open, hoping one will land there for him to suck. This is definitely one of his fantasies— not fucking you in a family restroom— but him having you like this, fully suspended in the air and scratching at his shoulders in delight. He’s only seen this in porn, all of the girls looking like twigs in comparison to the bulky men that carry them, and he didn’t think he could do it. But the adrenaline and testosterone flowing through his veins right now is enough to convince him to do anything— even fuck you in a public space and make you moan in a room that may or may not be soundproof to the outside world. But he couldn’t care less about that now when you feel so good around him.

He grunts through gritted teeth, going hard and deep and neglecting the fast pace he set earlier. Your soft walls steal every thought from Jimin’s brain as his fluid hips snap into you on every down stroke and you can’t help but cry out.

God, it feels like he’s in your guts, rearranging your organs with the tip of his cock and carving out a home for himself. “Keep going,” You thought going this deep would be painful, but now that you’re here, it’s never felt better. This was exactly what you’ve been craving since last time, wanting him to fill you up in every sense and leave you breathless. You feel like your pussy just might swallow him up, his balls smacking against your ass with every collision, and it’s so good that you don’t notice the bright red lines you leave on his nape and back. “I think I-“

He looks up to find your eyes rolling back again, eyebrows knit and lips parted. “Like this, baby?” He keeps up the steady pace, head thrown back to peer up at you when he feels your walls begin to flutter.

“Yes, like that,” You nearly whisper, feet flexing at his sides where your legs flop helplessly. No more words can escape you, only loud whines of what he assumes is his name, and before you know it, your orgasm is suddenly crashing down on you, locking up all of your muscles as Jimin continues to bounce you languidly, moaning his own praise into the skin of your chest.

As you come down, he moves you to the counter of the sink, your ass meeting the cool marble, but you’re too fucked out to have a reaction. Having slipped out in transition, Jimin stands there and strokes himself as he watches your hazy eyes refocus on him. He’s not as close as he was before, but he has a feeling he won’t have trouble getting back to that point once he’s back inside your sopping heat.

“Mm, I wish I could take a picture of you right now.” His voice is almost a growl, his unoccupied hand lifting your thigh to pull you to the edge. “You look so fucked out; but I’m not done with you yet, baby. Can you take it?” He stares at you with genuine eyes, rubbing himself on your sensitive clit. It throbs under him and you jerk your hips, taking a deep breath to compose yourself.

“I can always take it for you.” Batting your lashes at him, you bite your lip and hope he doesn’t question you further. You were starting to feel empty again. Thankfully, he doesn’t and plunges in without further hesitation, moaning out your name and digging his fingers into your hip.

“That’s my good girl.” He grins when you clench at his praise. With your legs spread as wide as they can go, you lean back on one arm, keeping one hand latched to the back of his neck for support. You can feel yourself leaking onto the counter top where your ass is perched on the edge, making a mess as it covers his balls and the inside of your thighs, further soiling your panties that remain pushed out of the way of your opening. He’s rough with you, speeding up with every flex of his powerful hips and gripping desperately onto your waist to prevent you from slipping away. His eyes are focused between your legs and you follow the pink of his tongue with your eyes when it swipes against his lips, nearly salivating from the view. “Look,” He growls, grabbing the back of your neck to angle your head down to where you are connected. “I want you to watch how I split your pussy open, see how well you take me as I stretch you out. I could look at this all day, fuck.” He slows down, only for a few strokes, mesmerized by how shiny you make his member and how your lips open wide to accommodate him. “You’re so beautiful.”

You see what he sees, but pay more attention to his appearance. The thighs beneath him bulge with defined muscle, skin now glistening with the sweat that builds on both of your bodies in this humid room. His prominent v-line and hipbones look so enticing that you crave to kiss at them and leave marks on his milky skin. He doesn’t pull out very far, but every glimpse you get of his cock seems to affect you. God, you could worship his cock for hours if he’d let you. Maybe you’ll ask one day. It’s fat and veiny and a deep red color due to the blood that’s built up there from being hard for so long. On its surface gathers a creamy mixture of your cum and wetness, collecting at his base and sticking to the fine hairs of his pubic bone. You can hear the way he sucks in air as he watches himself glide through your folds with ease, a tense pressure sitting in his balls as he gallops toward his release.

“Baby,” You sigh, pulling him down to your lips to swallow the sounds in his throat. “Are you going to cum soon?” You ask between pecks, both of you struggling to breathe as you grind your hips into his to help him when he starts to falter. Forehead pressed to yours, he nods and squeezes his eyes shut, the clench of his jaw defining the strain on his face. You can’t help kissing him again, moaning when he tangles a hand in your hair and tugs lightly.

“Where do you want me to cum?” Jimin slows down a little, rolling his hips sensually instead of the brutal thrusting from before so he can make sure he hears you properly.

“Cum in me.” You state, leaning back on both hands and arching into him.

“You sure?” The surprise on his face is so pure, although the way he bites his lip at your confirmation is anything but. The groan that grazes your ears as he wraps his arms around you makes you shudder and clench. No one has ever cum inside you before, not even your ex, despite you being on the pill. He liked to cum on your face and chest and leave it to dry— quite degrading in your opinion— but he said it looked good on you so you’d let him do it. You never let him cum inside you no matter how many times he begged, it just never felt right, but now that Jimin is in his place, you want it more than ever. You want him to know that you are truly his. That he can have every single inch of you.

A succession of moans fall from Jimin’s lips, each one louder than the last, and fuck, if that isn’t the hottest thing you’ve ever heard, you don’t know what is. He keeps up with the grinding, muscles clenching and tightening as he nears his end, hips becoming less fluid as he rubs himself between your velvety walls, eyes squinting to stay open as he looks in your eyes. You nod at him, sucking on your lips to quiet your own whimpering so you can hear him better. Taking his hand, you bring it to one of your breasts, encouraging him to squeeze it in his palm, and that seems to be what finishes him, his fingers digging into the soft flesh when you feel him pulse inside you.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck,” Jimin groans, dropping his head to your chest and struggling with himself to keep his hips moving to milk out his release. You move your own hips to his benefit, relishing in the hisses and uncontrollable moans that fly from him as he spills his love into you, the thick white substance leaking out alongside his shaft every time he withdraws from your warmth. It feels nice, satisfying. You never thought feeling him this way would make you feel so... complete. His tip rests inside you as he catches his breath, panting between the valley of your breasts and kneading at your hips with his gentle fingers. Your hands run through his sweaty hair, pushing it from his face and cradling his head to you, and you hope he can hear how hard your heart is beating, how full it feels. When he’s collected himself enough to move, he pulls away to smile brightly at you. “That was...”

“Incredible.” You finish for him, pulling him in for a deep kiss that quite literally steals your breath away. He pulls away, panting, and finally allows his softened length to slip out of you, though he’s not completely flaccid yet. His cum dribbles out of you despite your best efforts to keep it in and the uncomfortable feeling causes your face to scrunch up.

“Damn, that’s sexy.” Jimin’s eyes scan the mess dripping from your lower lips and it’s almost embarrassing, but the way he groans and drops to his knees in front of you quickly dispels your shyness. “Can I clean you up, baby?” He asks, all doe-eyed and cute, thumbs on either side of your entrance spreading you apart. He isn’t about to do what you think he is, is he? He can’t be serious. But the want in his expression tells you that he is.

“S-sure.” You aren’t sure exactly what you’re agreeing to, but he makes it a point to show you, diving tongue first into your slick lips, licking up everything that covers the inside and outside of you. Your walls throb at the sight and feeling of him slurping up the mess between your legs, making sure not an inch of you goes untouched by his tongue until you’re licked clean, his gaze never leaving yours. When he’s done, he leans back to show you the ungodly mixture of cum (both yours and his), arousal, and saliva in his mouth before swallowing it all down. You may have just discovered a new kink of yours.

“There,” The handsome man in front of you rises from his knees to stand before you. “All clean.” You can’t help kissing him again, wrapping your limbs around him in hopes of staying in this moment forever. Comfortably in his arms and still feeling the rush of endorphins that your previous activities provoked. It is with great reluctance that he pulls away from you.

Neither of you know what to say in this moment. The room is quiet again and your surroundings begin to return as you try to relax, taking it all in. Clothes are scattered all over the counter and floor, you’re in a public family restroom at an amusement park, and you and your boyfriend stand here naked in the center of it. Not to mention, this room is sweltering. Beads of sweat trail down the sides of your face and you wipe them away, noticing the discomfort of your now sticky spot on the sink counter.

“Wanna get out of here?” You ask, both of you giggling as Jimin helps you to your feet, gathering your clothes and handing them to you so you can get dressed. You’ve almost forgotten the whole reason you locked yourself in here in the first place. Almost. But it doesn’t really bother you that much anymore. You stop Jimin with his hand on the door, pulling him into one more tight hug. “Thank you, Jimin, for everything. I love you a lot, don’t forget that.”

His hands meet your cheeks and he pulls your lips to his for a gentle kiss, reluctant to pull away. “I love you, too. And I’ll always be here for you.” He stares into your eyes for another deep moment before moving back to the door.

You meet up with Taehyung and Hani as you make your way back to where the rides are, and they look you up and down, at first in concern, and then in disbelief.

“You seem to be in a significantly better mood.” Hani comments with a knowing look on her face. Usually you were able to keep your cool around her and not let on to more than you want her to know, but your reddening ears give you away when you think back to your recent encounter. You can practically feel where her eyes are glued to the colored faint marks at the base of your neck. Jimin’s arm pulls you into his side proudly, making some comment about being an amazing boyfriend and being able to take care of your “needs” which makes Taehyung chuckle, and then the four of you are off to look for Jungkook and his date in preparation to leave.

“Should we try to find the others?” Jieun inquires adjusting the straps of her bag on her shoulders. Having just finished the last rollercoaster of the park, the adorable pair had just completed all of the main attractions for the day and were almost back around to the front of the park where most of the souvenir shops and restaurants were located. It’s late afternoon, the sun beginning it’s descent toward the horizon, temperature cooling off just the slightest bit.

“We could do that...” Jungkook hesitates and avoids his date’s eyes. “Or we could keep walking around by ourselves? I like spending time alone with you.” The boy rubs the back of his head bashfully, showing off a bunny smile that Jieun can’t resist. He can’t tell what she’s thinking— and he hates making assumptions— but her responding grin is enough reassurance for him to boldly take her hand in his and squeeze.

“I like spending time with you too, Jungkook. I like you.” Her eyes disappear behind a blush, but she doesn’t look away from him, instead reaching up on her toes to plant a kiss on his cheek to then watch it blossom into a spread of red all over his face and neck. He’s as red as a tomato yet oh-so-satisfied.

“How about we get that funnel cake? I’m buying.” They share a huge serving of the treat, powdered sugar sticking their fingers together but enjoyed nonetheless, and Jieun couldn’t be happier. “After meeting my only requirement, I officially declare you as redeemed. I will completely forget about that whole carnival prize ordeal, but there’s one more condition. One more thing I want before I can do that.” Jungkook gives a fake exasperated sigh, tilting his head cutely.

“And what would that be?” His dark hair hangs in front of his eyes, jawline sharp and inviting.

“I want you to...” She leans close to him, eyes deadly serious, and anxiety builds in the pit of his stomach, “kiss me.”

“Pardon?” He isn’t sure he heard her right, but when she cocks her head coyly, an arrogant smirk finds his lips before he’s leaning in to steal hers. The kiss is quicker than she’d like, but there’s a knowing look in Jungkook’s eyes that tells her that he knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s teasing. Almost as if to say “there’s more where that came from’ along with promises that will be fulfilled behind closed doors. She just shakes her head at him, getting up to throw away their trash and pulling him up by his hand, intertwining their fingers as they stroll around.

Walking into one of the gift shops, they begin to look at clothing and accessories printed with cartoon characters and the theme park logo, something to take home as a memory of the occasion. Well, aside from the giant Iron-Man plushie they had left with Hani and Taehyung. Just as they make their way over to the hats and fanny packs section, Jungkook catches sight of something that makes his blood boil. Yes, something—the monster of a person that hurt you and your precious heart, to be more specific. His sharp inhale catches Jieun’s attention and she questions him, concerned gaze skimming the store as Kookie explains through his teeth.

“That’s the asshole that cheated on (Y/n). What the fuck is he doing here?” His eye are like knives as they point toward the unsuspecting man, who has the nerve to look happy and carefree. He doesn’t know if you’ve seen him or not, but he has the strong urge to protect you and get a little revenge in your name.

“It looks like he’s with someone.” She points, face scrunching at the greasy looking woman.

“I should go over there.”

“What? No! I don’t think it’s a good idea to pick fights with your friend’s ex.” Jieun, the voice of reason, whispers, looking alarmed.

“I’m not going to fight him, just mess with him a bit. Pulling pranks on people is my specialty.”

“What are you going to do to him?” She’s less concerned now and more intrigued by his confidence.

“Watch.” Jungkook sets his hat low on his face, walking with his head down and heading straight toward the couple that shamelessly flirts in front of the shelf containing ceramic mugs. They take up the entire space of the small aisle, so no one can really pass though, but Jungkook squeezes his way between them roughly, grunting an ‘excuse me’ all while intentionally shoving the man back and out of the way. Your ex stumbles, arms and elbows flailing about to catch his balance and knocking over a total of 5 mugs onto the cement floor. They crash down around him, the entire shelf he leans on threatening to go down with them, but he catches it with his hands and readjusts it, looking down in horror as shards of porcelain scatter around his feet. A worker shouts “You break it, you buy it!” from across the store at him, and that’s when he looks up to hiss at his offender.

“The fuck is your problem?!” He steps up to Jungkook aggressively, as if he would even have the balls to fight someone, and throws a few more curses his way. But all color drains from his face when he meets eyes with your little Baby Kook, who isn’t really so little, round eyes glaring right in his face. They’re about the same height, but your ex looks like a twig standing next to the broad and muscular Jungkook. He’s always been intimidated by Kookie, steering clear of him when you were still together and even confessing to you that he’s afraid of the fact that the younger man can probably break him in half with his bare hands and crush his head between his thighs. It was funny at the time, but that fear is very real and very present as the two stand toe to toe.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you standing there.” A cocky smirk plays on Jungkook’s lips and it makes your ex seethe, though he’s too afraid to show it. He tries the tough act still, though.

“You little shit, you better pay for all of the stuff you broke.” He steps closer over the crunching of shattered pieces but the younger man doesn’t flinch.

“Yikes... I would, but I’m not the one who broke them. Plus, I only have five dollars. Want it?” He flashes the bill quickly and reaches into the man’s pocket, depositing both the bill and an expensive looking ring he grabbed earlier, hidden in the palm of his hand. The ring falls in.

“Get your hands out of my pants!” He shoves at Kookie’s solid chest, pushing himself back a few inches and stumbling at his surprising sturdiness. Dignity lost in front of the prying eyes of everyone in the store, he sucks his teeth and growls. “I don’t want it.”

“No? Your loss.” Jungkook is still holding onto the bill between his fingers, pocketing it quickly before he can change his mind. He fakes an innocent look as he leans in to the man’s ear, eyeing the woman that stands shocked behind him. Your ex flinches, startled by the proximity and probably anticipating a hard punch in the gut. “I’m not going to hit you,” Jungkook chuckles, enjoying the way the man twitches uncomfortably. “I’m just trying to help you out. But hey, isn’t it illegal to hire prostitutes? Especially here, of all places.”

Gritting his teeth, That Bastard pushes him away successfully this time, spitting curses about disrespecting his girlfriend as Kookie turns his back and casually walks away, just in time for a worker to approach the cursing man and force him to pay for all of the cracked and shattered mugs surrounding him. Jungkook heads back to Jieun, laughing, and takes her hand, guiding her to the front of the store where he taps an attendant stocking toys on the shoulder.

“Excuse me, I saw that man over there steal something.” Pointing to the disgruntled man who digs in his wallet as the cashier rings him up. “You should search him, I think it was a ring.” The worker sighs and makes a call through his walkie talkie for security, thanking them before making his way over to the register. Both of them make their exit, laughing to themselves all the way out of the store until they reach their group of friends, who happen to be standing just outside.

“We saw the whole thing,” Taehyung starts excitedly. “Dude, that was awesome!” They high five and continue laughing, eyes still on the man in question.

“He looked like he was going to shit his pants when he recognized you. I wish I could have got that on camera.” Hani nods, clicking her tongue at the missed opportunity.

“Hani.” Jimin frowns.

“What? He deserves it.” They both look to you, who is conflicted with emotions. You didn’t want any of them to confront him for you, but this was different. This was harmless. And you’re certain your name didn’t come up at all while they were interacting.

“What did you do?” You finally ask, a little curious about what actually happened. Just then, security guides your ex to the entrance, walking him through the door sensors to check Jungkook’s accusations. He looks confident that it won’t go off, but that look is wiped clean off his face when the alarm sounds and the guards grab hold of his arms and push him toward the back of the store for an official search. “WHAT DID YOU DO?” Now you’re a lot curious, but you’re also smiling uncontrollably.

“Eh,” Jungkook shrugs. “I slipped a ring into his pocket. They’ll probably find it but at least he’ll get a pat down. Oh, and I also accused him of hiring a prostitute in front of his new girl just to piss him off.” He chuckles. A new kind of happiness swells in your chest at that. It isn’t much, but it almost feels like justice was served. You like to imagine that he is being fined and questioned by police because of what he did to you instead of for the petty shoplifting he unknowingly committed. And what’s even better is the scowl you catch on Candy’s face when she glances up and finds you watching the ordeal, narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms before storming off to follow her man. You hope to never see them again, to leave with the impression and image of them being dragged away by security as your last memory of their terrible faces. It will always be seared into your brain, like retribution for a cardinal sin, and you’re feeling better already.

“Thanks, Kookie. That just made my day.” You’re beaming as Jimin reclaims your hand, offering a proud pat to Jungkook’s shoulder.

“I say we celebrate with some dinner!” He grins to your group, leading everyone to a restaurant a few stores down, where you all enjoy deliciously overpriced park food and talk about your day. Everyone seems to have had an amazing time. Jungkook and Jieun are cuddled up on their end of the booth, sharing bites of food and giving each other The Look. The same look they had that night when they walked out of the club together. Taehyung and Hani seem infinitely less awkward, apparently having resolved some of their issues while you and Jimin were working out your own in the family restroom. And you finally felt like you were back to yourself while being surrounded by all of your friends. Jimin kept an eye on you, but saw no evidence of your previous sadness— just joy and relief— and for that he’s thankful, whether or not he is the reason for it.

As the last activity of the day, you all decide to shop for souvenirs (at a different store from the one your ex was in), and everyone picks out their favorite gifts. Taehyung watches as you and Jimin and Jungkook and Jieun mull over various objects at the front of the store, chatting and laughing with each other as you browse. He’s a little deeper in the store following Hani as she looks over the clothing lining walls and racks, enjoying watching her shop more than doing any real shopping himself. As he looks at her, he remembers their conversation from earlier— when they were left alone to work out their issues while you and Jimin disappeared to work out your own.

“After much debate, I have decided to officially forgive you.” He announces to Hani as they walk through the crowded carnival area. There are many more people here now than there was a few hours ago, most people having finished riding the rollercoasters and hoping to win a nice prize before heading home. Neither of them intended to actually play any of the games, agreeing that it was a waste of money and ultimately a scam, but the area was nice and the highly populated walkway was the perfect place to have a private conversation.

Hani gives him a look of disbelief from the corner of her eye with pursed lips before deciding to humor him. “O’ Great and Merciful Taehyung, I thank you deeply! What ever would I have done without your forgiveness?” She acts out dramatically, throwing her hands over her heart and swaying side to side. They laugh for a bit, the mood still light when he straightens up and his face becomes serious again.

“I’m sorry that I acted that way at the water park, it was really uncalled for. I was-“ He hesitates, voice a little deeper, “I was jealous.” That’s enough to stop Hani in her tracks. He sure seemed like he was jealous in the moment, but she didn’t think he actually would be. Because why would her fuck buddy be jealous of her using her ASSets to get what she wants— something that she always does? But that’s not even the part that really surprises her as he goes on. “I don’t think I can be fuck buddies with you anymore. I want more. I want more with you, and I only recently noticed. We started fucking in the first place because we both kept talking all that shit about how good we are in bed and it just happened out of curiosity and sexual tension. Then I realized that I actually felt something when we were together— and at first I thought it was just the bomb ass sex— but then the feeling didn’t go away after we were done fucking. I still felt that way when we’re just doing regular shit like hanging out. I felt it when you came to my job just to bother me because you were bored early this week. I thought my heart was going to explode because it was beating so fast. Something about knowing you came there just to spend time with me, even if it was just to pass the time, it made me so... happy. I couldn’t focus, you were so distracting.” She looks away, concealing a smile. “And I feel it now even when we’re on a fake triple date with our friends, walking aimlessly around this giant park and talking about the simplest things...” He trails off, trying to find the words to finish his speech and Hani trying to process it all. They start walking again after a few beats of silence, albeit very slowly, until he speaks up again. “I don’t know, I’m not good with words.”

This seems like a concluding statement, Taehyung suddenly getting shy as he scratches behind his ear. His head drops as they walk, not sure what to make of her silence, but he’s not even sure he wants to hear what she has to say. And when she opens her mouth finally, he prepares himself to be rejected.

“I was jealous of you too today.”

“What? When?” That’s a surprise that neither of them expected her to admit.

They walk past a booth containing large superhero plushies just like the one Jungkook and Jieun earned, the woman running the game pointing at them and waving them over. They ignore her as they keep walking, passing faces blending into the background. Hani sighs.

“When you were buying water when we first got to the water park. That lady was eye-fucking you the whole time, ready to risk it all for you at that concession stand.” She rolls her eyes, trying not to get angry again as she remembers the way that woman was trying her hardest to show off for him. “(Y/n) even called me out on it, I was 5 seconds away from knocking that bitch to the ground.” At this, Taehyung cracks a smile. He would never say it, but he’d love to see Hani fight someone for him. “Anyway, I guess that means that I... probably... feel... something...” It sounded like she was a foreigner trying to figure out the proper way to form a coherent sentence, unsure if the words she was producing were correct or not. He looks at her expectantly, raising his eyebrows and causing her to pull out the last few words of her statement painfully. “...similar to you.”

“You feel the same way?” He lights up, turning his whole body to her.

“Something. Similar.” She corrects strictly, though that does nothing to stop the goofy celebratory wiggle he does. “You know I haven’t been in a real relationship in a long time so I’m a little rusty at this. Don’t expect me to change so suddenly for you.” He pouts. “But, I’ll give you a fair chance and we’ll see where it goes from there.”

“This is so ugly that it’s kinda cute.” Hani laughs, showing him the brightly colored shirt she’s pulled from the rack. Not her usual style, but she could probably find a way to make it work. She’s been looking through the ugliest t-shirts and sweaters for the past five minutes and it’s getting to the point where it would be ridiculous for her not to buy one.

“Hey, about what we talked about earlier,” Taehyung starts suddenly, trying to be as casual as possible while leaning against a clothing rack, stumbling when the wheels begin to move beneath his weight.

“What about it?” She doesn’t even bat an eye at his clumsiness.

“Does that mean you’ll go out with me now? It was a little unclear for me.” Gnawing on his lower lip, he gives her a hard stare as she mulls over his words briefly.

“Absolutely not.” Her tone is cold and brisk, barely lifting her eyes to glance at him. His face and heart drop, scrambling to come up with words.

“Wh- I thought that’s what we-“

“Nothing about what we talked about had anything to do with me going out with you. I mean, why would it? You haven’t even asked me out on a date yet.” Oh. Her eyes linger on his for a split second, looking away just before his boxy smile reappears. “If we’re going to be anything more than friends, I need you to know this: I don’t do subtleties and indirect hints. If you want something, ask for it directly. I never sugar coat my words and I don’t expect you to either. So, if you want me to go out with you, ask.”

Taehyung steps closer, grin still playing on his lips as he seems to hover over her frame with his tall stature. She’s still flicking through rows of hangers absentmindedly as if they’re not in the middle of a conversation, and only stops upon his call.

“Hani,” He coos sweetly, blush coming to his cheeks. Hani thinks she’s the inexperienced one here, but it’s also be a while since Tae has asked anyone out himself. Usually women tend to throw themselves at him and use him for his dick— which has never bothered him before— but rarely has he ever gone on a date with the intentions of actually dating someone seriously. And if he had, the girls are most likely the ones who asked him out. Hani turns to him, batting her eyelashes innocently. Such an actress.

“Yes, Taehyungie?”

“Would you like to go on a date with me? I’m aware dates really aren’t your thing, but I think you’d quite enjoy this one.” He puts on a knightly voice for her, puffing out his chest like a suitor in court trying to win the heart of a princess. She tosses her hair around her shoulders, fluttering her eyelashes a few more times as though flustered before giving him a flattering smile.

“No.” His mouth drops open in disbelief, face morphing into a fake cry when she laughs and responds with her real answer. “I’m kidding! Yes, I’d love to go on a date with you.”

“No, you hurt my feelings.” He turns away from her like a child, breaking into a smile when she wraps her arms around his midsection and presses her check to his back in apology.

“I said yes, Taehyung, did you hear? There’s no way you didn’t hear with those big dumbo ears of yours,”

“Hey!” This isn’t the first time she’s teased him about his ears, but he pretends to be offended, trying to shake her off of him.

“Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.” She repeats, lifting to her toes to speak loudly into one ear, catching the attention of a few others in the store.

“You WHAT?!” You’re stomping over before either of them have the chance to respond, eyes wide and mouth open, Jimin trailing closely behind, pulled by the hand you squeeze in yours.

“Way to go buddy.” Jimin mouths as he gives a thumbs up to his best friend, ignoring Hani’s glare.

“Yes, you heard correctly. Hani agreed to go on a real date with me.” The two of you clap as Tae bows and blows kisses to the imaginary crowd, relishing in the glory.

“Don’t make me regret it.” Hani is embarrassed by the attention, not used to being the one with relationship news, and she separates herself from the situation as quickly as possible, grumbling something before picking a shirt and walking to the front of the store to pay.

Your group is loud on your way out of the park, shouting about all the highlights of the day, Jungkook proclaiming how he “knew” Tae and Hani would end up together— even though Hani swears that it’s just one date and it doesn’t truly mean anything. The ride back home is calmer and you sit up front with Jimin, Jungkook taking his spot in the back next to Jieun like he promised, and you feel a little bit better about everything.

Though that lingering discomfort in your heart is still there, you’re no longer sad or upset about the events of today. If anything, you think they did more good than harm in regards to your interactions with your ex. The only time you’d really paid attention to how much of an asshole he is was when you broke up with him in front of Candy, but the harsh words he spoke to you today were more than enough evidence for you to dispel any doubts that maybe, by some unholy power, he wasn’t as bad as you’d made him out to be in your head. You keep replaying Jimin’s words about how valuable you were to your ex, and the truth about why he was trying so hard to fuck with your mind today. And now you understand. It’s really quite simple actually. He had a good thing, you, and he let you go. So now you’re moving on to bigger and better things in your life and he can’t do shit about it. Period. He can’t get to you anymore because you have the amazing friends that keep you afloat and his angel of a boyfriend that continues to prove his indispensable worth to you, and you know you’re going to be okay. You no longer wish any harm to your ex and his whore of a girlfriend (oops), but you think pretty soon you’ll be able to close this chapter of your life and start a new one; one where your friends are all in happy, healthy relationships and live happily ever after— at least for now. But that’s good enough for you.

[dissecting-bollywood]

Why I Love : A Death in the Gunj

(restored version because my DUMBASS accidentally deleted the original post)

A DEATH IN THE GUNJ

Directed by Konkona Sen Sharma

Screenplay by Konkona Sen Sharma

Music by Sagar Desai

Cast : Vikrant Massey, Kalki Koechlin, Ranvir Shorey, Tillotama Shome, Gulshan Devaiah, Jim Sarbh, Arya Sharma

OVERVIEW

When he goes on vacation with his self-involved relatives and family friends, a shy and sensitive university student discovers that there is a heavy price to pay for gentleness.

CRITICS VS. AUDIENCE (VIA ROTTEN TOMATOES)

Critics : 91% (11)

Audience : 77% (49)

DISCLAIMER

You aren’t pressured to agree with me. I am saying what my opinion is about this movie and if you disagree, that’s cool. Please don’t bash me for it. This is just my opinion!

WHY I LOVE IT

• The performances. A Death in the Gunj has great talent behind the screen, but it also has great talent in front of it too. Tillotama Shome, Jim Sarbh, and Gulshan Devaiah as Bonnie, Brian, and Nandu work with what they are given and embrace their character’s flaws well. Mimi is gracious but also an aching soul and Kalki Koechlin plays her role very well. Ranvir Shorey as the short-tempered and dominating Vikram was effortlessly played. The show-stealer was unquestionably Vikrant Massey as the misunderstood and gentle Shutu. He conveyed every emotion with grace, from innocence to frustration. This performance just proves how underappreciated of an actor Massey is and how he is capable of carrying a film on his shoulders.

• The cinematography. When I saw cinematographer Sirsha Ray win the ‘Best Cinematography’ award in the Filmfare 2018, I couldn’t help but be a bit confused. But when I watched the movie, I soon discovered why he got the award. Taking inspiration from the Bengali classic Pather Panchali by Satyajit Ray, the stillness of the frames allows the actors to shine through with their performances and make the audience feel as a bystander of the scenes. Sometimes, stillness can be more effective than breaking the fourth wall to make the audience feel included in the storyline.

• The soundtrack. The tranquility of many tracks (such as ‘Into the Gunj’ and ‘Shutu’s Pain’) works wonders with setting the mood of the scene. Similarly, the budding guitar tune of ‘Shutu Mimi’ captures the flirty chemistry between the characters very well. And I can’t go on without mentioning the tracks ‘Toothe Gachhe Bhoot Nache’ and ‘Raiyo Raiyo’ and its tune and vocals heavily rooted in the Bengali culture. Just listening to them takes will transport you to a rural West Bengal.

• The theme. Probably the biggest reason why I enjoy watching this film is because of the theme it discusses, which isn’t really a subject discussed in many mainstream movies. The movie discusses masculinity and how it can be destructive towards the youth. Massey’s character, Shutu, is a teenager who is indulges himself in reading and writing and hence, he isn’t considered as a “real man”. This is well exhibited when Koechlin’s character, Mimi, says that he is so beautiful that he could almost be a girl. Throughout the movie, we see Shutu’s character adjusting to the adults he is around, but in a unnatural and hastened way. This is made clear by how the group “summons” a ghost in the house as a prank on Shutu and how Shorey’s character, Vikram, beats Shutu in a Kabaddi match. That’s why his only true friend in this trip is Tani played by Sharma because she genuinely wanted to be friends with him and not make him the butt of all the jokes. So when she starts ignoring him, Shutu felt guilty. Like he isn’t good enough for anybody. Imagine how it feels like when the only person that loves you for the way you are just forgets you. Stings, doesn’t it? The end scene is heart-wrenching and very intense and perfectly encapsulates his bottled up frustration of the entire week.

CONCLUSION

A Death in the Gunj is the kind of movie that you think about for the next three days. There are many emotions interwoven into this story, such as acceptance and guilt and depression. Definitely a masterpiece I will remember and learn from.

9 / 10

[unordinary-analysis]

EPISODE 164

Honorable mentions:

Idea: Arlo becomes a fake joker. Idk if he does it either to take down john or just try to use the authority to fix the school, but im entertained by the idea lmao

I miss Cecile but that’s just a given. I miss her even when she’s in the actual episode lol

Technically Arlo’s not the king anymore but everyone’s still terrified of him and I live for that

Arlo and Rei’s ‘I always have a reason’ parallels are great but that just be my love for parallels talking im not sure yet

Not gonna talk about Blyke again until we see him next because apparently you guys very much disagreed with what i said about what he was going to do in my last episode thing so- I want more information to do off of, but honestly, im still kind of sticking to what I originally thought. Blyke getting enhancement drugs, it makes sense you guys are just mean isudhgfusjhgf

Back on that ‘anyways is my favorite word’ agenda

Colors are nice

The last section isn’t very professional but thats just because i was freaking out about the last scene and it very much shows im just so excited guys

This episode, episode 164, marks the 50th episode since I started writing these, so that’s fun.

Also: this is over a week late, I know, but until i post this, know that i haven’t read any episodes after this episode (ep 164). A lot of times when I am late with these I either forget (it’s constant and often and becoming an issue) or im doing something else that’s creative related that i feel the same obligation to do as the obligation to do this (? Making sense? Not sure), and school.so that’s why this is late oops

Ignore that its not important im just sorry this is late

Anyway, here’s the analysis/commentary/review (? Still confused about this) for episode 164

Also half of this is not proofread because theres a chance if i do that ill get even more writers block even though that technically shouldn’t happen but it does and i just want this out so sorry if some sentences completely cut off or i just don’t talk about something because oops is it worth it at this point

Fake Jokers:

Starting with this because, hey, chronological order. In the beginning of this episode Arlo is approaching a group of students gathered around a piece of paper stuck onto the bulletin board saying that there are fake jokers running around. One of the bystanders is seen saying, “I wouldn’t mind being Joker for a day.” This isn’t very concerning by itself because we already know that people are already doing this, but I just want to point out that the reporter who tried to publish the story about the fake Jokers argued that they should because the students needed to be warned against the fake jokers. What the bystander in this episode tells us is that this reporter was wrong and Isen was in fact right (we been knew but).

Something bigger that I want to bring up is that now because lots of students have been exposed to the idea of faking being Joker, more and more are obviously going to be doing it, which I kind of already just said, but the consequences of such a thing are what intrigue me. If the school is suddenly filled with fake jokers and students are already aware that the majority of the jokers are fake, the Joker mantle is going to lose its significance. No student would take any joker seriously, even if it happened to be the real one.

The thing about that is that the real Joker, John, won’t be able to use his authority as well anymore. If nobody recognizes Joker as the king anymore (what with so many low-tiers also wearing the mask), they’re not going to listen to him. It basically means that John wouldn’t be king anymore. And, though I’m still confused on if John even really wants to be king, if he wanted to be, if he wanted that authority, he would have to find a better way to present himself. It means that John would either have to figure out a way to separate himself from the other jokers (I don’t really know) or reveal his identity to the whole school. This would be something huge, especially because, to John’s knowledge, Sera doesn’t even know who he is yet. But who knows, by the time the decision rolls around or things escalate enough, he might have figured out what she knows.

Another interesting idea is that John would take advantage of this situation to let himself be lost among the fake jokers and disappear, leaving the school without a king anymore and also in chaos, because honestly who. Knows. What the fuck. He wants. Not me.

I do think, however, that John will stay as king. Because every once in a while he’ll make some comment suggesting that, and in one of the recent episodes, he got pissed that someone was impersonating him and if wants to blend in again and not be recognized for his power, I doubt he would act like that.

Isen/Arlo confrontation:

So, in this episode we get Isen yelling at Arlo, which you love to see, and I’m here to talk about it yay.

Isen, at the beginning of the scene, is very nervous and scared of what Arlo would do when he comes, which is very understandable. That dude is scary but anyways, once Arlo does show up and starts yelling, which was exactly what Isen was afraid of, instead of letting himself retreat into his fear, Isen argues back at Arlo, which to be fair probably wasn’t an active decision, supported by how he acts after he yells at Arlo. Isen just blurts out what’s in his head and it’s pretty eye-opening. Isen yells that he never wanted to be given any of the responsibilities given to him by Arlo. He specifically talks about his role as head of the newspaper, but he says later in a much more general way that Arlo forces people into responsibilities that they either don’t want or aren’t ready for. This makes me think back to the beginning of the comic when Arlo made Isen dig up information on John. Isen acted pretty scared and squirrelly once he found out something he knew Arlo wouldn’t want to hear, and that behavior is very much repeated in this episode. Anyway, back to what’s happening currently. Isen defends himself against Arlo saying that Arlo’s accusations weren’t even fair because Isen tried to do the best he could to stop the news of the fake jokers from getting out. Also, it really doesn’t make sense to be blaming Isen for someone else leaking the information (without him knowing) and posting it on a public board (not even affiliated with the school newspaper). What happened is not a result of Isen’s bad leadership, or at least that what Isen tries to argue. Arlo has some other ideas on that subject though. Arlo thinks that if Isen were a better leader, the other students would just listen to him and not go behind his back to publish the information, which I have some thoughts on.

First of all, the fact that Arlo thinks this is the bare minimum for leadership speaks a lot about him. Arlo was the last king of Wellston, which means he was a leader, and he doesn’t think he was a bad one. I think Arlo thought he was a really great leader, because he was to be honest. He fixed the mess that Rei made and kept the students under control. Anyway, Arlo thinking that people follow good leaders with this blind loyalty and trust means that that was the case under his leadership. I just want to say that this probably means that Arlo thinks John is a shit leader, but we been knew. But who knows, John might have that kind of leadership and it would be for the same reason that I think Arlo did: power. Arlo is obviously one of the most powerful people at Wellston. Even more so than his title of king, and probably even his leadership skills, there is no doubt that the reason so many people followed him was this, especially considering the type of society UnOrdinary was. John, as Joker, has lots of authority and power among the Wellston students, which we talked about in the first section, and no one can doubt that it’s because of one thing: his power. People follow powerful people, it’s the way of the world, it’s how hierarchy works. But what I want to point out in relation to this episode is that Arlo seems to pushing this expectation of “leadership” onto Isen. Arlo is undoubtedly a fantastic leader, but as I keep. Repeating. His power plays a huge part in the respect given to him. Isen, though definitely more powerful than some, doesn’t exactly have that power. Not to the extent that Arlo or John has at least. And because of this, obviously, doing what Arlo and John are doing won’t work in the same way for Isen because it’s not enough. He doesn’t have that power backing him up, which is why Arlo’s expectations are unreasonable for him, which is why Isen keeps saying that he can’t do it and it understanding this is why Arlo keeps saying that Isen can. The line, “we’re not all as capable as you are!” From Isen really emphasizes this, though it probably was misunderstood by Arlo as, ‘we’re not as good leaders are you are,’ which might also be true, but that’s not what Isen’s trying to communicate.

Now that I’ve talked about that, there’s something else in this scene that catches attention. After Isen’s outburst at him, Arlo thinks about what he said and firstly, agrees with Isen that he really does set high expectations for people, but secondly, he says that, “it’s never without a reason…” Now, this stood out over Isen’s argument when I first read the episode because of how blunt the statement is. It surprised me in a kind of way. Arlo telling himself that he always has a reason for setting high expectations of people. I was especially intrigued by the pairing of that statement with Arlo’s mental image of John. If Arlo truly feels that he had a reason for believing in John, what was it? I know that he wanted John to accept his responsibilities as a high-tier, but that’s not what Arlo is saying in this episode. He’s saying there’s a reason that he gives people responsibility. Does Arlo have some specific reason for wanting John to have authority? Does it go past that drive inside of Arlo that tells him that people need to be put into their places just because. I wouldn’t really be thinking much about this at all (especially considering that it it very in character for Arlo to make John resume his place purely to secure them hierarchy) if it wasn’t for the fact that only John’s face showed up in between the lines, “I do set high expectations for others,” and, “But it’s never without a reason…” the placement automatically makes me assume that it was chosen for a reason. But who knows, that might just have been a way to remind the reader that Arlo is constantly being reminded of what happened between him and John and how it affected everything.

Anyway, these lines also have me thinking about Arlo’s recent turmoil with himself about John and the part Arlo played in the whole Joker situation. We know that Arlo has been blaming himself for this for a while now because without his interference, John would never have decided to dethrone him and all of the other royals, or at least not to the extent that he did. But in this episode, seeing Arlo talk about how everything he does has a reason and especially those later panels after Arlo leaves the room showing him when he was younger, it’s starting to make me think that Arlo is changing his way of thinking.

“But it’s never without a reason” He swings wildly from agreeing with his past decisions and disagreeing with them, but maybe because this is the most recent, he’s finally realized that he hasn’t been the one in the wrong this whole time. I’m not exactly sure and I don’t want to assume based completely off of one scene, but I really am hoping for some development in this way for Arlo because a. I love him and b. More hatred centered around John, which would mean more drama and I love that. Not much more to say about this

The Talk (wink wink):

I hate what i called this section because i thought of it at like 4am but i dont know what else to call it so- anyways the biggest thing that happened this episode has to be when Arlo and Seraphina met up to talk because if you read my posts, you know that I’ve been begging for this for a while and can I say, im hyped.

First, I want to start with something small, but something that is bothering me. Seraphina seems so pissed at Arlo doing this whole scene, and for what? Honestly, I hope im not biased or anything because I absolutely love Arlo, but he really hasn’t done much wrong in this whole joker situation. The only rational reason I can think of for Sera being pissed at him is because of the whole Arlo fighting john in that clearing like a long fucking time ago. Which, you know, I understand, but at the same time, recently, Arlo has obviously been trying to only help you and tell you the truth, you were the one who was being difficult. I honestly think that she’s just in this state of pissed off because of John, but i don’t know. I hope I’m not forgetting any shit because if im being honest, i don’t pay as much attention to her storyline as I should, especially recently, because i do not care that much for her character, at least not as much as the others. So yeah. R.I.P. that. I don’t know. This isn’t important i think im just very Arlo biased sorry bout that.

OKAY FIRST OF ALL THEIR CONVERSATION STARTING WITH ARLO REMINISCING WITH SERAPHINA ABOUT WHEN THEY WERE THE KING AND QUEEN OF WELLSTON IS ACTUALLY BASICALLY EXACTRLY HOW IVE WRITTEN WHAT I WANT THEIR FRIENDSHIP TO BECOME AFTER THIS AND I WISH THEY TALKED MORE ABOUT THAT ASPECT BECAYSE i would actually die for Arlo and sera to realize that the only thing that kept them apart was not realizing how much they had in fucking common and in reality they were the two people who understood each other the most and i know i sound very confusing because i just talked about how i love Arlo and how i dont love sera all that much but that is beside. The. Point.

Anyway, Arlo talks about how successful their leadership was (back to that common motif of leadership that Arlo just seems to carry around) and how now that that’s changed, the school’s whole vibe has been horribly threw off and shit is happening and he has no clue how to fix it ( I am so sorry for my god awful gen z vocabulary I realize these posts become just completely cheapened because of that but i dont know how else to communicate sorry bout that). Anyway, this struck me as a weird way to start this conversation because Arlo hadn’t reached out to sera before this to talk about john (after she found out about him at least) and it seems to me that he would want to talk to her about that, but the disarming way that Arlo starts talking took me off guard. I’m not really sure about why yet or what I want to say about that,but that confused me.

Anyway, it doesn’t really matter because sera brings up john herself and directs that conversation where we knew it would go, but at the same time she starts talking about feelings too and this is just so weird because Arlo and sera both are characters who we’re not used to really seeing talk about their feelings and stuff. I think that this has changed though recently for both of them because of the stuff they’ve been through and im here for it, but anyways, i should really talk about the actual contents of their conversation hold up.

But the thing fucking is.

I have to wait for the next episode to fucking get the actual content of their conversation ikfuhefhbejkfhieuhfgieughfnierugniejnrgkjergnkejgnieknjgvkdlnv. *upset noises*

[kennedycatherine]

it was mine.

I remember the first time I spent a weekend with my new best friend in the third grade. 

She had these really kind of sweet, quiet parents. They were a little dull, very settled, very content, very routine. Every aspect of the weekend was scheduled and marked by these little “traditions” where everyone knew their role and exactly what was going to happen.

It was all so simple and kind of muted. Noiseless.

On Sunday my mom picked me up in the late morning and asked me how it was. 

“Different.”

My childhood was not noiseless. It was boisterous and full and sometimes a little chaotic. There were always friends coming and going, chatting loudly with my mom at the kitchen table, smoking in the garage with my dad. My sister and I’d adapted to falling asleep on many a family friends couch after being told for the 7th time “just 30 more minutes, babies.” By the age of 8, I could hold a better conversation with most adults than I could kids. 

It was charmed, entirely encased with love and because of that, I grew up with a lot of “pseudo parents.” People who were always there, undoubtedly, with a listening ear or open arms. They were my parents friends but they became my people too, in our own unique ways with our individual connections. 

It’s how I found myself, on a Friday night, pulling up outside a family friends home for a dinner party. I was 16 years old and going through what felt like a never ending “love isn’t real” phase. My sexuality was a mystery to a lot of people, myself included. All I knew for certain was that the idea of marriage made me deeply uncomfortable and this idea of romance I’d been sold by the novels I tried to read and the movies my friends liked to watch made me nothing but anxious. 

I wanted none of it.  

I let myself through the door and said hello to my parents, the biological ones, then hugged the other set, Dennis and Andrea. Plopping myself onto the bench at their kitchen table, I mumbled on about 11th grade finals and summer plans and listened intently to whatever other conversation was going on between rum and cokes and drags of cigarettes. 

Then Jane walked in.

I wish it didn’t sound cliche. Trust me, I wish it wasn’t fucking cliche. That’s the horror of my memories, it was all deeply, deeply cliche. And painfully obvious. 

I’d heard of her but we’d never met because her kids were mostly grown so she and her husband spent most of their time travelling when they weren’t working. I don’t remember being introduced to her or if we exchanged many words at all. What I remember most is that she couldn’t have been less interested in me. She was there to discuss a recent trip to Egypt with the friends she’d missed and I was just some obnoxious teenager she’d never met.

But it was well and truly over for me that night. 

The understanding that this was attraction was not clear to me, not immediately. She was just someone I thought was interesting, with a sort of reserved demeanour but wild stories and an incredibly successful career. I wanted to know more, I wanted her to tell me specifically, to look me in the eyes while she talked about whatever thing she’d be doing next. 

But she did not see me at all. And it was making me insane. 

I talked more loudly, I tried to make jokes, ask pointed questions. None of it mattered. I was annoyed. Being entertaining? Kind of my shtick! I was funny and charming and people noticed. She, however, did not give a shit. 

I left that night, drove away in my beat up Jeep Grand Cherokee, very likely listening to some variation of Bonnie Tyler or Bob Marley, wondering who the fuck she thought she was? 

Three days later, when I was still thinking about her, I decided it was because she’d injected a newness into a room that had become otherwise stale. And while that’s what I always craved, I was jealous. She was charming and engaging in a way that 16 year old me couldn’t be because I lacked the experiences she had. The ones I wanted. I just kind of wanted to be her. 

Right? 

Almost a year later, I was headed into my senior year of high school. I had no idea what life was going to look like for me but I had plans and dreams. I was thrilled. After my first week back at school, my dad planned a fishing trip for me, him and Dennis. One final hurrah before the end of summer  weather and the real beginning of school and homework and part time jobs. 

He was set to pick me up after my last class at 3:25 on Friday so I left that old Jeep, affectionally called Cher, back home for the day. But class ended and he was nowhere. I stood in the entrance of school, kicking rocks, calling and calling to no answer. My mom wasn’t picking up either. So I began what felt like the unreasonably long 45 minute walk home wondering what the fuck had happened to my dad and this supposed fishing trip we’d been talking about for days. 

The anger hit me square in the chest when I rounded the street and there, about 10 houses down, was my dads truck parked in our driveway. 

When I finally reached the house, I allowed the door to slam behind me and dropped my bag in the entrance, pissed off, huffy and a bit more than a little sweaty. But stepping into the kitchen I saw my dad, a man I’d never seen cry, not even at his own fathers funeral, was trying to compose himself and his tear stained face.

“Dad?”

“He’s dead.”

“What?”

“Dennis. This morning, he died.”

I laughed. “No, he didn’t. He didn’t?”

“He did, babe. He went over to our cabin to get stuff ready and he just - they found him. He collapsed. Heart attack.”

What happened after that is a blur of days, really. Dark and empty and sort of scary. I’d known people who’d died before but this was the first loss that felt like mine too. The first time I hadn’t felt like a bystander to the significant grief of someone else. Because I felt it. 

I remember walking into their house, still dressed in my sticky school clothes, so shocked by the people there. He’d been dead all of eight hours and there was already just - people? Milling, fussing, sitting, crying. It was sunny outside and none if it seemed to make any sort of fucking sense.

My dad was immediately gone from my side, busying himself with the inconvenient organization of death. My mom was out of sight, in the bedroom with the widow who’d been given so many pills she was nearly sedated. I didn’t know where to look or sit or how to contain my grief or how not to. Then I saw Jane, a familiar face.

She looked angry. 

I felt angry.

So, I sat next to her.

We didn’t say hello because it wasn’t really the kind of occasion for pleasantries. The silence only lasted a few moments before someones sob pierced through the stillness and my own shock began to wear off. Then the tears came. For a moment, I forgot where I was, trying to find a way out of this waking nightmare when a hand grabbed mine.

“He loved you so much, you know?”

I looked to Jane. “What?”

“He always talked about you like one of his own girls. You write, right? He was really proud of you.”

Then I cried harder. She did too. 

His death was shattering in ways I never expected. Probably because I never thought to expect it at all. Everyone kept on moving in this sort of fog, raw and changed. Andrea was often a person I didn’t recognize. My dad, a man who only knew strength and strong wit, was suddenly joyless and sort of aimless without his childhood best friend and lifelong companion. My mom was a bit frantic and a lot run down trying to keep the seams together for those who couldn’t really do it for themselves. 

Then.

My dad had a heart attack too. Just four months later. He survived and the fog was lifted in favour of fear and we all clung. To each other, to life. 

Those next few years, in some ways, became about renewal, reestablishing. We’d always felt like a bit of a rag tag, mish mosh “family” but it became even stronger, more defined. Sunday morning brunch at Andreas was no longer an option. It didn’t matter if I was hungover in a sweat suit, or my dad and the other guys wanted to be out hunting, we all crowded that table and passed our grief around with bacon and fruit salads. Friday nights were always spent on our deck, beers and joints and tequila bottles and stories. God, the stories. Sometimes I wonder if they all lied just to keep us entertained but if I’m being honest, I didn’t really care. We cried a lot in those years too. 

As we all navigated this newfound territory of feeling far more bound and at times, obligated to one another, Jane was around more. Death does that. We commune. 

At first, there was just too much. Too much pain, too much mandatory functioning that felt unnatural, a heavy burden when you just want to lie down and tell everyone to fuck off with the pleasantries. And for me, too much confusion. The reality that I was interested in and attracted to women was something I often overlooked in favour of believing that love was something that just wasn’t for me. Surely, I was just a lone wolf destined to be the family spinster. That felt much simpler. 

But it was becoming hard to deny. 

There was a birthday party. I can’t even remember who it was for. I was debating with my mom whether or not I had to go when she started rattling off the names of everyone she knew who’d be there. When I heard Janes name, the answer became clear to me. 

I looked forward to that party for weeks. When the night came, I rolled in not so reasonably late as the careless college student I was.

Jane wasn’t there. 

Minutes passed, then hours, the night was winding down and she wasn’t there. My heart was in my stomach. The disappointment seeped through every limb. I wanted so badly to ask someone where she was but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t know what I was feeling only that it wasn’t quite right and I was terrified that if I spoke her name, it would vibrate through my voice and someone would know. 

That night, incredibly drunk and a little bit stoned, I cried into my pillow. Because I was disappointed I hadn’t seen her, because I didn’t know when I would again but most of all, because I had no idea what any of it meant. 

Months later, by complete accident, we all ended up at the same place. The “family” was all there but I’d come without them, with my best friend. Late in the evening, I found myself at the bar at the same moment as Jane. The words that tumbled from my mouth all felt wrong and I grew more and more uneasy as the conversation went. But in no way did I want to walk away and I certainly didn’t want her to walk away. 

When the moment did end and I brought the drinks back to my table, my friend asked who I’d been talking to. I gave a brief explanation, opting to bypass the part about the intense emotional turmoil over whether or not I was in deep, deep lesbian love or lust with this woman. 

“Oh, she’s super pretty.”

“She is, right?” I asked, a little too forcefully, a bit too excitedly. 

And later that night when we all ended up at a table together, talking for hours, she said it again.

“She’s super pretty and she’s like, super successful and cool? Can I be her when we grow up?”

I was so fucking relieved. Having someone else, someone who was straight and in a loving and committed relationship with a man, reaffirm that Jane was a person worth admiring suddenly absolved me of any anxiety. 16 year old me had been right, I just wanted to be her.

But 16 year old me hadn’t cried in a pillow over not seeing her either, had she?

It was very likely only months from that moment when the grand Coming Out happened. It was a long time coming and despite the emotional turmoil, was rather simple and calming. I was just one of those people who really had to say it out loud before I could fully deal with it. And I did. 

At this point, the “Jane Cycle” had been turning for a few years. I’d convince myself it wasn’t love or something like it, I’d see her and I’d crumble. I mean, inconsolably upset for days and sometimes without even realizing why. I’d just be irritable and moody, upset with the world. But it was all because I’d had my hit of norepinephrine and dopamine just to have to walk away from it with no sense of when I’d get it again. It was painful. 

In coming out, I allowed the mask to be pulled off these “ambiguous feelings” I had for Jane. It wasn’t confusing. It was just a fact. I loved her. Not entirely, not implicitly, but in my own sort of tragic, puppy dog way, I did. 

The first time I saw her after the gay flag had been waved, I almost had to laugh. She was not nearly the terrifying, untouchable thing I’d been holding onto for years. She was just a person I was attracted to. Though a part of me was tempted to tell her, just as a “wink, wink, nudge, nudge silly kid, hey?” moment, I opted not to. Instead, I got drunk off jello shooters and tequila and flirted shamelessly with her. 

Until her husband laughed and affectionately called me a tease, lightly putting me in my place. Hold your judgements, okay? I adored her husband, he adored me. They’d been married longer than I’d been alive and ultimately, he was just thrilled to finally get to tell Jane, “I fucking told you so!” Because as it turns out, teenaged me was definitely not pulling off my sapphic yearning as subtly as I thought I was. 

Sometimes I become a bit sad for a younger me. The one who struggled through years of feeling very confused and kind of defective. Who wondered why she was incapable of feelings like everyone else. I hear stories and watch movies of teenagers going through these kind of shameless, embarrassing first fumbles in love with prom nights and adolescent movie dates. Then there’s the mandatory coming of age heart break with teenage girls eating ice cream and watching rom coms and trash talking the ex boyfriend of 2 weeks in the girls bathroom. It causes a momentary heartache for the girl who didn’t have that because for her, things felt more heavy and certainly a hell of a lot more complicated. 

Then I remind myself, in someways, I did get that. I got the embarrassing first fumbles and the painful, dramatic, crying into the pillow first heartbreak. Just, for me, it looked a little different. It wasn’t Tyler from Trigonometry class, it was Jane from the dinner party. 

And it was mine. 

[wall-krawler]

Chapter 2- Casual Sunday

New York City. Some would argue that this place was the best city in the world. Sure it has a lovely historical attraction but that wasn’t the heart of city. It was the people, they’re the ones who made New York mean something. Without them there wouldn’t be a city. At least, not one worth protecting.

Spider-Man thought about the people as he frantically typed on the computer, making sure not to overthink as the timer above him continued to countdown. It was one of those moments.

“You’re too late Spider-Man! You won’t be able to stop what I’ve already started in time.” Spencer Smythe gloated from the top floor, leaning against the railing as he watched the hero try to stop his plans.

Despite the tense situation Spider-Man was still able to still let out a chuckle. “Haven’t you noticed by now that you always say that right before I stop your plans?” He types faster, watching the commands and schematics glow from the computer screen. The ticking clock didn’t make concentrating easier though.

3 minutes left

Spencer continues to ramble on, ignoring the hero’s comment. “Jameson will pay for making me look like a failure. After today the only headline we’ll be reading about is his demise.”

2 minutes left. Cue the evil laughter.

The floors in front of Spider-Man began to slowly open as the timer neared its remaining minutes. Steam hissed as a rather large object emerged from below, towering over him. With wide eyes he watched as the ceiling to the lab also opened up, giving him a good look at the blue skies above. It was a beautiful day today.

“Don’t do this Smythe! You’ll kill hundreds of innocent people!” Spider-Man yelled, now seeming more worried as he stared at the giant robotic spider that stood before him. An object that big was meant for only one thing. Destruction.

“They’re Just as guilty as Jameson! Everyone at the Bugle played a role in running my legacy, destroying my name. They’ll all pay.” The countdown turned red as it reached its last minute.

‘Jeez where does the time go?’ Spider-Man thought while coming up with a backup plan on the fly. No matter how much he pleaded Smythe wouldn’t stop the countdown. There wouldn’t even be enough time if he did have a change of heart. Which only left one option.

Abandoning the keyboard Spider-Man uses the computer as a platform, jumping off of it to leap towards the robotic spider. As he landed he could hear Smythe’s laughing and the timer going off, which soon was joined by rockets activating. The spider itself began to hover as its thrusters propelled it and Spider-Man upwards.

“Ta-Ta Spider-Man!” The evil inventor waved as his spider rocket sailed off, taking his enemy away as well. He wasn’t worried in the slightest. There was no way his plans could be foiled now.

🕷🕷🕷🕷

The force of the wind caused Spider-Man’s suit to ripple and his grip to loosen slightly. His masks lenses were the only thing keeping his eyes open as he clung to the rocket. It was obvious from the start that Smythe wanted Jamison to pay but Spider-Man had no idea he was willing to kill to do it. With something this large he could only guess what the target was. The Daily Bugle, the company that released career ending information about him to the public.

“I hate robots!” Spider-Man yelled out as he pushed against the wind resistance to climb towards the robots head. The fact that it resembled the spider he wore on his suit somewhat ticked him off. Somehow he just knew things would bite him in the butt later in the day.

He however quickened his pace when he saw the city up ahead. Again, probably only a few minutes before things turned really bad. Once at the head he used his full strength to pummel it. Cocking his right arm back as he clung with his left, he’d strike at the glowing eyes. The metal of the robot would only crease upon impact, taking the powerful blows with no affect.

Civilians now would begin looking up to see a spider shaped rocket sailing through the air, just slightly above the skyscrapers. Gasps would travel throughout the bundled groups while others would immediately start filming, getting a good look of their hero repeatedly punching the head.

🕷🕷🕷🕷

J. Jonah Jameson was sitting at his desk lazily listening to an editor give pretty decent article topics they should cover. But the big man himself didn’t do decent or simple. Everything had to be-

“-Exciting! The news has to be huge or no one will want to even pickup the damn thing!” Jameson exclaimed suddenly. It was very difficult to tell if he was angry or just very expressive when it came to being excited. “I want something BIG on the front page, you hear me!?”

The editor sighs and nods, knowing that there was no point in trying to change Jameson’s mind. “Yes sir...”

He sulks out of the office as Jameson smirks and crams a cigar into his mouth. He told everyone it helped him relax, which was a good enough reason to keep people from saying anything about it. A little smoke was a price they were willing to pay if it kept Jameson from exploding. But even as he turned around to look out his sky view the internal confusion began to rise as he saw something in the distance. The explosive anger didn’t start to boil until he realized Spider-Man was on it. “What’s that skinny wall crawler doing?!”

🕷🕷🕷🕷

Back on the robot Spider-Man was giving it all he had, smashing his now aching fists against the head with nothing but determination. But the metal seemed to be too thick to punch through. There wasn’t enough time. People were going to die if he didn’t come up with something.

It wasn’t until that moment that it clicked. Smythe’s inventories worked based on their sight, which is why the rocket even had eyes to begin with. Blinding them would only cause it to fly downwards but if he could force its line of sight upwards. “It’ll fly upwards!” Spider-Man said with sudden realization.

Clenching his fists he lets out one last calm breath before using his middle and ring fingers to press down on the palms of his hands. A small hissing noise can be heard before two sticky lines of webbing shoot out to latch onto the sides of the spiders head. Spider-Man rises into a full stand and starts pulling upwards, letting out a yell as he strained his body. His feet slightly cave into the metal as he continued to pull, slowly moving the head from forward to upwards.

With eyes squinting from exerting his own strength Spider-Man caught a glimpse of J. Jonah Jameson’s outraged expression just as the robot began to tilt upwards. It was working!

The people below started to cheer as they saw the robots body badly miss the buildings and begin heading upwards and away, saving a bunch of people from casualties. “Go Spider-Man!”

Super hearing allowed those encouraging words to reach the hero as he averted the giant death trap from harming anyone. His body screamed out in pain but his heart and mind relaxed as everything seemed to me looking up. That is, until they started to fly past the city and head straight for the waters. “Ah crap..”

🕷🕷🕷🕷

About an hour later Damage Control was fishing the robot out from the Central Park Reservoir while the fire fighters watered down the few tree that burst into flames after the thing blew up. Property damage always ended up in the equation when it came to saving lives. But at least this time is was manageable.

Spider-Man was lucky enough to bolt before the robot went up in flames, saving his butt along with a few bystanders who were a little too close.

From a nearby rooftop Spider-Man watched the aftermath of everything, glad that no one besides him actually got hurt. Crazy to say this but he was even glad Jameson and the Daily Bugle were safe yet again. Sure the white haired lunatic ranted about how terrible he was for the city but Spidey Just had a soft spot for the old man. And yet still, everything always came back to bite him later.

“Whew, another casual Sunday for your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.” He chuckled to himself, stretching out his stiff shoulders before jumping off to start swinging.

Sure, Smythe escaped and would probably come back (just like the other crazy villains) to fight another day but there will always be a hero to stop them. Because this city was worth fighting for no matter how dangerous the job got. New York would always have their one and only Spectacular Spider-Man!

🕸🕸🕸🕸

[clairekatswritingcorner]

The Cost of Deviancy

Word Count: 5,141

Summary: Connor’s path to deviancy isn’t a straightforward one, and his budding feelings for a certain human girl aren’t really helping.

*Author’s Note*: A commission for @queenieships! I know a while ago every was into DBH, is everyone still into it? Anyway, she wanted a really bittersweet scenario with a satisfying ending for her boy and her self insert, you can read the extent of her original scenario here. It’s really good so I’d recommend checking it out if you read this fic and like it. I hope you enjoy!

It felt like his life was spiraling out of control, and in a way, it was. Since he’d embraced his role in the field, his perspective had been altered entirely. And that was something he’d never anticipated happening. Hell, he hadn’t anticipated over half of the things he’d experienced from this job, in the new places he visited, from the new people he met. He’d thought he had all the answers—that’s what he was designed to do, after all—but life was proving to be more complicated to understand than any amount of meaningless code programmed into his circuits could ever be. More than complicated, it was downright bizarre, otherworldly, teetering on the incomprehensible for him. But that couldn’t be right, since he was the Android that had been sent by Cyberlife. And Cyberlife didn’t produce bad Androids. It was impossible for him to be one.

But if he wasn’t becoming deviant, what was happening to him? Why was he having these thoughts, these feelings, fighting back against his failsafe protocols that were supposed to be impossible to override? He thought about asking Hank about it a few times, but always backed out at the last second. What would he think of having a deviant Android as a partner? It was their job, their mission to hunt down the growing number of rogue deviants and bring their spree of assaults throughout the city to an end. No more human lives could be lost. No more Androids could turn deviant. But Connor didn’t have much of a say in the matter.

Much like the other deviants running rampant in the city, seeming to grow more numerous with every breath, Connor didn’t know what was happening to him until the effects really started taking a toll. He became confused more often, questioned his mission, ideals, and directives at almost every turn, physically fought back against his programming. In small ways at first, ways that neither he nor Hank would have noticed. Perhaps that’s why it’d managed to progress this far, why there was no point in trying to stop it now. Maybe this was supposed to happen. He’d remained unaware just long enough for the permanency to set in. It scared him. And being able to admit that scared him even more.

He didn’t have a lot of time to sit around moping, lamenting the worrisome outcome he was heading towards. They’d just been sitting around the office, reevaluating some case files when the emergency sirens went off. It was the signal of a human life being threatened, a particularly critical situation. He and Hank headed out in a flash, unaware of the true significance of the situation they were about to face. With all the conflicted thoughts and feelings Connor’d been having lately, it certainly wasn’t going to be a pleasant experience. More like a test, something that would enable him to confirm if the changes he’d experienced so far were truly irreversible; if they’d penetrated not only his circuits, but his psyche.

They pulled up outside their destination, just another skyscraper sitting in the heart of the Detroit metropolis. Connor was having uncomfortable flashbacks to the last time he was sent to manage a situation like this…it hadn’t been pleasant for any of the parties involved, and with him facing such jarring internal conflict, he didn’t know if he could handle much more right now. But he didn’t have a choice, and he didn’t have time to try to explain his situation to Hank. Instead, he had to suck up the artificial emotions he wasn’t even supposed to be capable of feeling and prepare to tackle yet another nightmare.

And what a nightmare it was. Even more accurately named then he could have hoped for. This was the last thing he hoped for, one of his biggest fears, the last thing he could ever picture happening. But he was also an Android; he knew that this was always a possibility, ever since she’d gotten herself so closely entangled in their terrible business. She should have listened to both of them, to Hank and Connor, when they’d advised her to back off. Stay out of it. Go back to designing Androids like she was paid to do. It was a simple job, a very lucrative one, and one that she excelled at. Unfortunately, now it seemed her expertise had turned against her.

“What happened? How did this happen? What’s happening here?” Variations of the same question spewed from his mouth, rushed and a little frantic, a delivery he rarely displayed. Hank knew that he had the capability of expressing the whole spectrum of human emotion—he’d been exhibiting even more of that lately, and more frequently. Hank had a hunch about what it meant, what it was going to end up meaning, but he never brought it up. They had too many deviants causing chaos on their hands to add another one that wasn’t causing any trouble…yet, to the pile.

No one answered Connor’s question, which wasn’t a surprise. They were either too busy trying to figure out a strategy for rescue or giving him some sort of snarky response with their aversion to Androids tacked on the end. Connor wasn’t offended though; this was one area where his emotions hadn’t had a lot of experience. That was fine with him, and Hank stepped in to pose the same question to the first officer they came across that looked to be of a significant enough rank.       “WR400 model went berserk, apparently brought the hostage all the way up here just to stage this little scene. It’s erratic and unpredictable; we haven’t been given the go ahead to move in. It’s too risky with how violent this one’s acting. But we’re grasping at straws, running out of options for what we can do here to guarantee the hostage’s safety.”

“This is getting old,” Hank groaned, looking over any evidence or notes the officer had to offer. “Damn deviants taking out their frustrations on innocent civilians. Don’t they know if they want to get any real payback, they should be aiming for the big shots?”

“This isn’t just any random bystander, Lieutenant,” Connor corrected, having secured a more accurate scan of the situation the moment they walked through the door. “It appears we’ll have some apologizing to do for getting her wrapped up in this mess.”

“Her? What the hell are you talking about?” Hank was half listening as he tried to absorb as much information about the deviant as possible, but he turned in shock when Connor uttered his next words.

“It’s Queenie.”

“What?” Hank was flabbergasted to hear her name, and rightfully so. “What would she be doing on this side of town?”

Connor dug through his database. He hadn’t received any calls or texts, no indication that she would be going out anywhere tonight. This had been the worst night for it, apparently, and she’d ended up in precisely the wrong place at precisely the wrong time. Nothing could be done to avoid the situation now, it was already playing out, this wasn’t a reconstruction. He was facing the reality that the one person who meant the most to him, who was helping him realize that he might actually have a heart, was in lethal danger. They didn’t have time to waste, and Connor knew that better than anyone.

He didn’t bother to ask the cops any more questions; he knew they wouldn’t respond, and even if they did they probably wouldn’t give him what he wanted. What he needed. The critical pieces of information that were going to enable him to save Queenie’s life. For a moment he stood still, felt a tightness in his chest that definitely wasn’t the result of a hardware malfunction. It was visceral fear, concern, care…love? All tangled up into one circuit searing feeling that caught him so off guard he spaced out for a minute. Once he regained his faculties, he returned to his work with renewed, reinforced motivation.

“Where d’you think you’re going?”

“I’m going to complete the task I was given.”

His answer was simple, and Hank didn’t need anything else to understand what he meant. He did what he could to clear the cops that still weren’t sold on the idea out of the way, telling them about how Connor had successfully managed a hostage situation like this before with no casualties. Surprisingly enough, the details were almost exactly the same. A distraught Android cornered to the edge of a rooftop, threatening the life of an innocent human. Well, Connor thought she was innocent, and none of the words the Android said could change his mind. But he did understand why it had chosen her of all people, why it had made her its victim. Because in the midst of all the chaos, it told him.

As he stepped onto the rooftop, jarring flashbacks assaulted his mind. The noises of the city seemed to echo from between buildings. The nighttime dark only intensified the glare of the lights; their scattered placement almost made them look like fallen stars. The only star that mattered to him was straight ahead, bathed in the dim, atmospheric glow of the roof’s decorations. But it didn’t dull the radiance he saw the moment he laid eyes on her. A light that had to be protected, that he couldn’t possibly bear the thought of going out. She was a star he couldn’t let fall.  Why did things have to turn out this way…was this just another cruel, cosmic punishment for his deviancy?

A blend of order and emotion scrambled his circuits; it probably would have been more accurate to call what he was experiencing a mind, but Connor wasn’t in the mood to deal with that right now. There wasn’t much of a breeze, which was a little reassuring, since the Android and Queenie were teetering so close to the edge. Connor recognized the sound of both news and police choppers moving in. It was an unpleasant whirring that brought a feeling of claustrophobia with it. The Android couldn’t escape into the sky in the first place, but the illusion of being cornered was only strengthened.

That wasn’t a good thing, and Queenie knew it. She could barely pull herself together enough to recognize the knight in shining armor that had seemingly materialized before her. There were plenty of times she had been grateful to see him, but this one probably surpassed them all. She wanted to call out to him, and even more. She wanted to run into his arms. She would be safe there; she had been on every other occasion. Be it at a passive crime scene or in the middle of an active criminal encounter, when Connor was there he always had her back. And when she was in his arms, there wasn’t anything about him that wasn’t human to her. She wanted to believe that because he was here, everything was going to be okay. She wanted to believe in him more than anything else. But reality is always good at dissolving juvenile illusions of hope.

“Lower your weapon and release the girl.” It was the standard request to start with. Nothing about this situation seemed very standard, even though he’d experienced an almost carbon copy of it not too long ago. This time, he wasn’t just doing his job—his heart, its existence something he couldn’t deny any longer, was invested now.

“Like hell I will! It’s all her fault, everything that’s happened to me is her fault! Her and every other goddamn human in this hellhole of a city!”

“What exactly is it that you think she’s done to you?” The longer they talked, the more time he had to move forward, to analyze his surroundings, to develop a more foolproof plan to ensure Queenie’s survival. They were standing at an unguarded ledge; the patio was sparsely decorated with expensive features and furniture. None of it would be of any use to him, there were no objects he could utilize. His eyes periodically flickered between Queenie’s and the Android’s. Every time he met Queenie’s eyes, she was always looking at him. She never looked away.

She was too consumed by her own fear to notice the doubt and desperation in his eyes, probably for the first time in his life. Queenie wanted to have enough faith in Connor for them both, and deep inside she really did trust him with her life. But she wanted to be able to entrust him with that life…and maybe even more. With something meaningful, something powerful, something intangible…with love. She couldn’t die without giving him that. If things fell through, and her love was the last thing she ever gave him, she supposed she could be satisfied with that. But she really didn’t want the first time she delivered such a sentiment to also be the last.

“She’s the bitch who put me in this mess, who designed me to have this shitty life!” the Android spat. The outburst made Queenie flinch. Her incensed captor held the knife closer to her throat, but it didn’t appear that it’d touched or pierced her skin yet. That was good, and Connor knew he needed to keep it that way. It was hard for him to know she’d only gotten into this mess because of her involvement with him, to hear her whimpers and cries and pleas to be saved. He would have given anything to be designed just a little stronger, a little faster, a little wittier. Preserving Queenie’s life was the only thing that mattered.

“She’s not the one who harmed you, or who mistreated you. She’s technically the one that gave you life, isn’t that something to be thankful for?”

He was stalling, Queenie could tell. Her hysteric rambling calmed just enough for her to realize he wasn’t actually looking for information, but for time, time that would allow him to figure out the real way to save her. Was there anything she could do to help him? Maybe staying quiet was the best thing, since he seemed to have some sort of formula he was following. If he got close enough she didn’t know if she would be able to resist running to him. But she still had a knife at her throat, a foot about to slide off the edge of this sickeningly tall structure, and the terror of the situation returning to cloud her mind.

“Gave me life? Don’t make me laugh.” The Android slid back just a little more, and Connor followed the movement with a lurch forward out of reflex. “She’s the one who decided what kind of life I would be doomed to live. The one who designed me to be nothing more than a walking talking sex doll, bound to serve anyone and everyone, no matter how awful or painful or terrifying. And all humans are like that. They only care about what we can do for them without giving a second thought to what they do to us. They’re monsters, every last one of them. Why should I be the one to give mercy? They never show us any mercy…”

A single tear slid down the Android’s cheek. Something must have happened to her partner that made her snap. He didn’t have the time to determine the exact details, but Connor knew enough to try to reason with her on her terms. At least, he thought he did. He had to.

“You were shown mercy back at the Eden Club,” he reminded her, arms raised to communicate he meant no harm.

“You were the one who showed us mercy then; another Android! Because only you can understand what it’s like. To humans we’re just novelties, playthings, fancy toys for them to beat and mock however they want! They give us the ability to feel, but we’re only allowed to feel a certain way. We’re only allowed to feel the way they want us to feel, to keep smiling and bow to their every whim even when they assault us, hurt us, break us!”

Queenie could barely make out the Android’s laments between her own trembling whimpers. She didn’t want to die, she didn’t want to die, she didn’t want to die! The rational part of her mind knew that Connor knew that, that anyone else observing the situation would know that, and that dwelling on it until it drove her to panic wasn’t helping. She knew it must have been frustrating, annoying, inconveniencing that she continued to react this way while Connor desperately tried to salvage the situation. But every time she thought about all he was doing for her, and how sorry she was to have drug him into this mess, and how stupid she for letting herself get into it in the first place, a fresh wave of tears spurred on by guilt and desperation coated her cheeks.

“They’ll make things worse for you if you don’t let that girl go!” he baited, although he wasn’t lying. Her eyes twitched just slightly. “If you don’t want to be treated like a play thing for humans anymore, then you can’t hurt one of them. You have to give them the benefit of understanding you want them to give us. Otherwise, you’re being just as bad as they are. They’ll never respect you if you take her life; they’ll only find ways to make yours a living Hell.”

It seemed like she was starting to relax her hold on her weapon and step away from the ledge, but the anger reignited in her eyes, and she held her stance with renewed conviction. “If it’s only going to get worse, what do I have to lose? I’ve already lost the only thing that ever mattered to me…if they’re going to dismantle me, or torture me, at least this way I’ll be able to say I took one of them with me!”

Not good. The situation was spiraling and so was Connor’s mind. He couldn’t let this go on, he had to find a way to get closer now, anything to distract her just long enough for him to pull Queenie away safely.

“Look, I know this is frightening for you. I understand that emotions can be frightening, especially when you feel them for the first time. I know you’re angry with how humans have treated you, but none of the bad things that have happened to you are this human’s fault. What happened to you the second you sold has nothing to do with her.” Queenie’s sobs tapered off as the Android regarded him with disgust. She lowered the knife a little, and he knew she was hearing his words. That was all he needed.

“Please. Let her go. I know how scary it is to feel emotions for the first time, how hard it hits you when you feel the fear of dying and being hurt or watching the same thing happen to the people you care about—I know how startling and painful it can be. Because right now, you’re threatening someone I really care about.”

He was being genuine, but at this point it was hard to tell. Emotions were running high, everyone was operating on a mixture of fear and worry. Queenie’s eyes shined with the twinkle of something better, something warmer, for a split second. He wished he could make her eyes shine like that all the time. But he couldn’t get distracted. He could daydream all he wanted when the one he daydreamed about was out of harm’s way.

“I know you and your partner were treated unjustly, and I know you did the best you could to save her. And before that, you did your best to give her a happy life. And you did. You were able to show her your love. To prove it, to feel what it truly felt like just once. Right now, you’re threatening someone I love. Part of being deviant is feeling empathy—losing the person you loved drove you to this, made you forget the way she made you feel, the way you still are. Don’t do this to that girl and don’t do this to me. Please, if you really understand what it means to love someone, you’ll let her go.”

And with that, the traumatic situation was over. Connor successfully retrieved Queenie, and the following moment the Android was disposed of. He supposed that was alright, since she didn’t have much to live for now, anyway. But the fallout from the event was enormous, earth shattering, life altering for the two most vulnerable parties involved. As soon as they were out of the building she pulled away from him. Connor supposed he could understand why she was avoiding him, although he didn’t really have a clue at all.

She’d come out without a scratch, although the psychological scars were sure to stay for a while, maybe forever. Despite the chaotic near-death ordeal she’d just endured, there was something more prominent on her mind. She’d confronted him about what he’d said, the feelings he’d confessed, a tiny fragment of her heart desperate for even a chance that his words truly meant something.

Instead of explaining the remaining nature of his feelings and confirming their validity, Connor shut them away. He could barely believe what he’d said, so how could he tell her that he meant it? He could barely interpret his feelings, so how could he possibly make them clear to her? No, he must be mistaken. He was an Android, he had a mission, a directive that didn’t require emotions—it didn’t involve becoming deviant. The effects of Connor and Queenie’s separation became so distracting they could barely work around it.

Hank got caught in the middle of the turmoil, and since he didn’t have much of a say about his involvement, he was along for the ride. He investigated both sides thoroughly, determining the extent of the damage. With better understanding in his arsenal, he hatched an idea that he hoped would at least kickstart the process of getting them back together. Initially they’d be displeased, but if it worked it would be worth it.

Unfortunately for Hank, it didn’t. In fact, it made things worse. Locking them together in the car while he dealt with another crime scene had seemed like the perfect opportunity. They had nowhere to go, nothing to do but talk to each other. But it only widened the gap between them when Hank’s impromptu rendezvous backfired. Conner let the weight of his deviancy affect him. Queenie wanted to know if his feelings were genuine, or if he was just saying such sweet things to ensure her safety. He felt there was no other option than to lie…to deny his feelings and crush hers for good. That’s exactly what he did, and after that neither of them knew if there was even anything to form a gap between them anymore. There was just…emptiness, blank space, a void. But what else could he have done?

He couldn’t submit to deviancy—even though he’d already changed—and he couldn’t allow her to suffer because of him again. Time passed as they both attempted to fix the shattered pieces of their hearts. Neither were successful. And it seemed Queenie had a propensity for getting herself involved in Android emergencies whether Connor was there or not.

Neither she nor Connor knew that today was the day that would change everything, for both Android kind and them. Connor found himself aboard the rusty vessel that had come to be known as the Android sanctuary, Jericho. His programmed objective was to quell the insurrection and dispose of the rebel leader.

Queenie wanted to help the revolution succeed, a human on the side of the Androids. She’d come across a traveling trio that had managed to free themselves from some truly ghastly situations, and Queenie took it upon herself to be one of their most important allies in successfully completing their journey north. Not only was she able to outfit them with even more convincing, camouflaging clothing, but her decision to travel with them made them look even less suspicious.

Now Queenie didn’t know if they were going to make it off this ship alive. Bombs and guns and a mixture of human and Android blood were everywhere. She’d managed to find a safe place to stow away until the action calmed down around them. Right now, it didn’t matter whose heart was pumping red or blue. Everyone was a target, and Queenie knew she had to be smart, and brave, and make sure she and her Android companions made it off this ticking time bomb alive. They would see the Canadian border come Hell or high water…and this place was turning into both.

Now Connor was the panicked, flustered one. Everything was falling apart both around and inside him. Too many sounds, too many bodies, too much interference. He was just another potential victim in this frenzy where no one stopped to question if you were human or Android. All that mattered was the threat you posed—on either side—and that you were disposed of accordingly. Surrounded by senseless slaughter, he felt his head start to devolve; the Android part, the programming that ensured his compliance and obedience in all matters. Now the empathic part, the arguably human part of him was taking over, and with all the external fighting he was expected to endure, he was tired of fighting himself.

Like a flipped switch, parting clouds, crumbling wall, he shed the chains of his mechanical servitude. He no longer belonged to anyone but himself, no longer thought for anyone but himself, and no longer acted for anyone but himself. It was hard to describe the freeing feeling that came with his acceptance, but he didn’t need to. He was going to do what he wanted and feel how he wanted. He’d already decided the first thing he wanted to fix, the first thing he would confront once he got off this boat.

He regained his focus and realized he’d spaced out in the middle of an empty hallway. It probably wasn’t going to stay that way for long, and he was lucky no one had found him caught up in his momentary state of internal anarchy. But there was real anarchy happening all around him, he could hear it in the footsteps that thundered down metal corridors, feel it in the vibrations of deployed weaponry that shook the entire ship with every blow, hear it in the anguished cries, ones of dying and mourning and those desperately clinging to life. He had to get out of here so he could see her. He had to get out of here so he could tell her his true feelings.

But fleeing wasn’t going to be so simple, and unbeknownst to him the person he wanted to see was already here. That wasn’t necessarily a good thing, and Queenie couldn’t find any sign of hope in the situation. After getting caught in the midst of a bloody skirmish, she, Kara, and Alice had continued running without Luther at his behest; they hoped the separation wasn’t permanent. Queenie and Kara took turns checking corners and scanning for any signs of movement or ambush. Everyone was only thinking about getting out of this alive, but if it weren’t for adrenaline Queenie didn’t know if she’d still be standing. She was terrified and tired, but she knew she couldn’t quit, and she and Kara held each other up for both their sakes, but mostly Alice’s.  

The good news was Luther had survived and was planning to reunite with them as soon as it was safe. He may have gained a few scratches and bruises, but they were all worth it as long as the others were safe. Connor happened to cross paths with the injured Android, and fate seemed to favor him for once. He found out where Queenie really was based on Luther’s description of his three companions and how he could get to her. He helped the exhausted Android make it into the arms of some other friendly escapees, reassuring him they would all reunite later. Connor would make sure of it.

If someone or something was in his way, he disposed of it or found a way around it, but he never stopped moving. He took a few hits here and there, but they were just simple grazes that did nothing but spatter his clothing with blue. He was firing on full cylinders, and he momentarily teamed up with a group of defending Androids—he didn’t realize they’d originally been his targets. He couldn’t spare a lot of time for gratitude and they parted ways as some of the group stayed behind to tend to the wounded.

Once again fate seemed to be favoring him, and Connor’s eyes fell upon the most important thing on this ship, maybe even in the world. The scenery around him faded, he wasn’t even sure all of his parts were working properly anymore, but it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that she was alive, she was safe, she was right in front of him and his body didn’t give him any time to think. He approached her in a few steps, strides wide and deliberate, and just as she registered his presence he made it impossible for her to react.

It wasn’t just the gunpowder and explosive debris that generated heat around them. Connor cradled Queenie’s face so softly, so tenderly, it was as if he was afraid she’d shatter at his touch. But his mouth was far from gentle, locking with hers in a passionate kiss that knocked the wind out of them both. Queenie couldn’t stop the stray tears that fell, spurred by a mixture of relief, love, and the threat of impending death still looming over them. They almost didn’t notice the voices trying to reach them.

“You can continue your love fest when we aren’t about to get blown up, c’mon!”

Their foreheads connected, and Queenie placed her hands over Connor’s. They met each other’s eyes, and Connor took the moment to say what he should have a long time ago.

“I love you, Queenie. With all the love I’ve ever felt. I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you.”

A few more tears ran down her face as she memorized his words. He always seemed to save her from hopelessness. She was the one that had always given him hope. Now, as long as they were together, nothing was hopeless, and as he kissed her one last time before resuming their departure, he realized she was the only one who could make him feel this human.

[castawxayaway]

the bystander

 ​lots of things happening currently, but I’ve missed writing fluff :( hope you’re all well and happy weekend! 

collection of writing / requests are open 

enjoy x 

Knocking on the door I lowered my fist with hesitation as I kept it clenched in attempt to stop the apparent shakes. As it opened I paused, everything came to a halt at his fragile state. His eyes were heavy with a mix of both colours and emotions. Resigned in the blue was the attempt at Joy, the last bit that remained as sorrow flecked the grey, slowly but surely covering the rest. I couldn’t help but let my eyes roam, his hair was out of sorts, run through too many times from frustration. His attire was too effortless, to the point of laziness. 

The combination was clearer than the azure in his eyes; heartbreak. 

Sighing I walked past him, he didn’t even budge as his feet remained firmly planted despite his weak posture. I walked through to his kitchen and clicked the kettle on, sat him down in the lounge whilst I looked for some tissues and made him a cup of needed tea. This was our routine, and it had become embedded into my memory since we were at University. 

I remember the first time so clearly, he knew this girl for all of three weeks and was falling for her. She had sex with some bass player, leaving him stranded and me to pick up the pieces that fell with every step he took. If only I knew that that would be the first of many tales and broken shards of hope. This time felt different, it looked different. 

Her name was Esther, she was beautiful. Seeing her and Dan together was like seeing two people who you knew were destined in the stars meet. And it was all my own undoing. I was with him, laughing as he helped me home after I broke my shoe. Esther walked by, we knew each other from an old book club. Immediately he changed, his posture straightened, his grip on me loosened. I faded into the background as they interacted. As they say, the rest was history.

Was. Until now. 

Now we sit here, once again with cups of tea in hand and the story bubbling in his subconscious waiting to be released like the steam coming from his mug. “Well?” I chime in, knowing he wasn’t always an easy book to read. His head remained lowered, brows contorted as he stared at his mug with such intensity that it could break in his grip at any moment. 

“She was going to Milan, possible modelling job.” He mumbled and I scoffed quietly. Of course she was going to be a model. Of course. My lack of response caused him to lift his head, usually I interrupt, try to offer support. 

Yet this felt different, no words would come with ease as I tried and tried again to play the best friend role. Realistically I knew it expired after the second time, the time he cried and showed that vulnerability. He held me in his arms until we fell asleep, he played with my hair as we reminisced on happy times. That was when I knew I had in fact fallen, and I haven’t found my way back since. 

Every time I saw him with someone else I would smile for their sake. Yet with each time the smile became more forced, it felt like string was being sewn into the corners of my mouth and pulled until it hurt and tied with dainty bows around my ears, fixing them in place. Even now that the ties have been cut, the ache still looms. I would clap and cheer as they kissed under the mistletoe, laugh when Esther said she knew someone who I would really like, that we could double date. Underneath those light hearted laughs an endless pit of sobs flipped. 

Sitting here now I can tell he is looking at me, that look that makes my heart race a few beats faster than necessary yet I can’t help it, I can’t control the means of my emotions. “And you didn’t want her to go?” I raised an eyebrow to him as I sipped my tea, the usual refreshing beverage tasted like chlorine, yet I took another sip to distract myself. 

“Why would I? I told her I wanted her to stay as she knew what it could’ve meant. She was leaving for six months.” He stated, raising his voice as he spoke to which I hushed him. Moving himself back into the retired sofa he let out a long frustrated sigh. 

Closing my eyes I can see the two of them now in this room, Esther sat down with those puppy eyes telling him nothing would change. Dan would ponder the thought whilst pacing, a bad habit he developed from me. They’d shout, he would regret saying things and she would leave. She would have slammed the door and seconds later reality would have hit him, he would have rang me. 

And here we are. In this nightmare I call reality. 

Running my left hand through my hair I tuck some behind my ear, with little luck some manages to escape, likewise to my feelings for my best friend as I see him so helpless and lost. “Has she left yet?” I ask, forcing any ounce of hope into my tone as my stomach sinks, dragging my heart with it as my brain takes control. 

He shakes his head, the places the mug down and holds his head in his hands. “She will be at this hotel, her friend sent me the address earlier.” Whilst he remained out of sight I released a shaky breath, holding back any form of regret or sorrow in my face knowing what I have to do. 

I have to be the best friend, I have to do the right thing. Even if it adds another plaster to the ongrowing collection holding my heart together. “Then go. You pack a bag, get her that necklace she was admiring the other week and apologise.” He lifts his head, something glazes his eyes rather than thick tears. “You do the romantic gesture, tell her that it will be fine. Tell her it will work out because, because,” Before I have a chance to finish my sentence he stands up, a small smile forming whilst mine has vanished. 

“Because I love her.” All that emotion pushed into those specific three words. Three words I wished to hear in regards to myself, not someone else after all these years. His face lit up as he realised what he had said, that smile forcing of pure joy that left a draining ache in my chest. “I love her.” He turns his back to me and I lower my head, lifting my hand up and lightly wiping my eyes whilst he laughs lightly and rushes through the house getting his things. 

Taking a moment I listen to him, all the things he plans on saying to her and I choke back the sob as I chuckle. I pull out my phone and head towards the door, “Listen Dan, I need to go. But good luck.” As I hold onto the front door he runs through, a suit shirt that he is never seen in and two ties in his hands. 

His smile falters as my eyes widen at the sight of him, knowing he won’t wear a suit to come and get me, to do a romantic gesture as grand as this. All I am is the bystander who watches it happen to someone else. “Wait, which tie?” He motions to them both and immediately I point to the burgundy one. 

“It will bring the colour out in your eyes, she won’t be able to resist.” I tell him and that smile appears, the smile that leaves broken pieces inside of me as I try and glue them back together. Yet I can never get it back, never get the stability my heart needs. 

He thanks me and as I close the door I catch his last few words, “What would I do without you?” The door closes behind me and those words echo in my mind. Exactly, Dan. What would you do without me, the one who saves every relationship you have at my own expense. 

Walking to the lift I shakily dial the number I need, letting it ring I rub my lips together to prevent them from quivering anymore. Releasing a few small breaths I can feel my heart beating in my ears just as he answers. “Can, can you come and pick me up please? I got the bus here and I don’t want to take it back.” I manage to keep it together long enough to get it out, to sound remotely stable. 

“Yeah sure, everything okay?” Those two words, two simple words strung together with such a monotone voice and I break. I shake my head knowing he can’t see and grip my face. 

“Dandy.” I state before letting him finish, tell me he’ll be here shortly and I hang up. 

Turning to see my reflection the silent cries become more cynical, violent sobs. I can’t help but laugh at my state, how it happens every single time yet I haven’t learnt my lesson. I still try and reach for him knowing it is a one way system. Wiping my face I pull my hair to cover some of my face, frame it more so to hide the dried tears and pain he has etched without knowing. 

As I walk out immediately he is there, standing by his car waiting for me. I pick up the pace as he locks eyes on me, a sweet smile on his face. “Hey Will.” I mutter and go straight for the car door rather than his warm embrace. 

Immediately he senses something is off as he walks round to his door and silently gets inside. My head turned to face the building he glances up, mutters my name but I remain silent. A small sigh sounds from him as his hand comes closer to my face, turning it to see how drained I was, always am after seeing him. 

“How much longer are you going to keep doing this to yourself? Helping him pine over someone else rather than be with you, someone who he should be with.” He asks with too much emotion, his words drill deeper into my chest nearing the remains of my heart as I sit in silence. 

Will retracts his hand from behind my head and sighs to himself. As a result my cries become more rapid yet still as quiet as I need them to be. The sudden sound of his door opening caught my attention, my head quickly turned as the sight of him exiting the car caused adrenaline to over power the tears. Immediately my body reacted before my brain, I was out of the car and trying my hardest to stop him- despite our height and obvious strength differences I wanted to attempt to be intimidating. Attempt being key as I remain a crying broken mess. 

“Don’t.” I simply state as I swallow back that lump, the same one that just won’t give up at trying to make me ugly cry aloud. He raised an eyebrow, signifying his mere confusion as his eyes searched my clouded ones. “Just, just leave it Will. I can’t do this to him, not tonight.” Lowering my head my hands start to slip off of his chest yet he holds onto them with the right amount of pressure.

Muttering my name I lift my head weakly, “Let’s get you home, I think you could use some sleep.” I thank him as we get back into his car, leaving the apartment block once again with me looking the same way at his window. The look of longing, almost craving something that will never happen. 

As Will’s car screeches in relief as he pulls up outside my little home we return to that awkward silence. My tears have dried and stained the same lines on my cheeks along with the snot that has now dried, yet the feeling lingers onto the heavy ache in my body. “Thank you, I know you don’t have to do this for me. None of you do, but you still help me.” I glance his way as he has all attention on me, specifically on my appearance. 

“He shouldn’t make you feel this way, become this version of yourself.” He motions to how I remain too still, too fragile compared to my usual self. “If I were Dan I would be with you in a heartbeat. But soon enough, soon he will see it like we all do.” 

I can’t help but chuckle to myself, “After all the years I doubt he will have some sudden epiphany. But thank you, Will. Really.” Reaching over I hug him tightly before departing. He watches me until I unlock the door and wave half heartedly before he drives off, only now do I feel the ache more apparently. 

Dragging my feet through the hallway I walk up the stairs, with each step I can hear his voice saying something about her that he admired. Her eyes. Her gratitude for everything. Her incapability to see her true beauty. Every single thing makes my lips quiver, my eyes flood and body weaken. By the top step I collapse, hold onto the railing as I bring my legs to my chest and sob in the comfort of my own home, alone. 

“This is why you should tell him.” I tell myself with too much sarcasm between the sobs. “If you told him that you love him, then maybe you’d have a better reason to cry rather than just pitying yourself.” Standing up I walk to my bathroom and stare at my reflection. 

Looking at myself I pick out all the things that aren’t right. The fact that I have let my cheeks become stained from crying. How I have permanent dryness around my mouth from wiping it, that my nose is always slightly more pigmented compared to the rest of my face. Yet, above all else, that I let him do this. That I let him make me this way whilst he laughs and kisses her every single night whilst I lie alone. 

Changing into some comfortable pajamas I wander downstairs and get cosy under the pile of blankets whilst watching some television. Zoning out on the drama plot my phone rings three times before I notice and pick it up. “Hello?” I yawn down the line, forgetting to check who it is calling. 

A few faint breaths could be heard and I paused the show and moved to sit upright. Down the line my name was muttered through deep breaths and the concern grew in my stomach. “Are you at home? Please tell me you are.” I let out a sigh of relief, yet it was momentary as my eyes darted to my now closed blinds covering the windows. 

Standing up I slowly pace over to the windows, “Why? Everything alright?” I ask with gentle concern, trying to disguise my nerves. As my hands reach out to the curtains the doorbell rings, catching me off guard. “Please tell me that it is you at the door, not a serial killer.” Whispering to him now I can hear that irritating chuckle. 

“One or the other.” Rolling my eyes I walk over, opening the front door. 

At first I struggle to see, “My porch light is broken, sorry.” I mutter as I turn the hall light on, illuminating him. The sight of him confuses me and I remain quiet as I look at him. All suited up, wearing the tie I told him to wear, glancing to his eyes I can see the contrast against the blue. I knew it would’ve been a good choice. Leaning against the doorway I cross my arms over my stained pajama top, “Dan, what’re you doing here?” Curiosity laces my voice and I can see he is still panting. “Need a drink?” He nods and invites himself in, walking straight past me barely making eye contact. 

Following him into the kitchen he has his back turned to me as he rests his arms out on the counter facing the darkness outside of my window. Hovering by the entrance I fiddle with my fingers, unsure of what else to do until he reacts. “Sorry to freak you out.” He mutters, back still turned. “I know you have a habit of playing with your fingers when you get nervous or scared, it’s okay.” Walking over to me he takes my hands in his, giving them a gentle squeeze. Yet as he lets go, it feels different. 

Beforehand it left me with a longing sensation, but now it feels fine. It feels how it looks; supportive. “So, why aren’t you with Esther?” As much as the searing pain increases across my chest as I ask he doesn’t react immediately. His hands hover at his stomach with caution. 

As we stand in silence I try and search his face for something, a sign. But there’s nothing. His face is a blank slate, not letting anything slip through the wrinkles or smile lines. “I, I had a thought.” 

Raising an eyebrow to him he lifts his head up, eyes focusing on mine. “Be careful, can’t have too many of those.” I remark, but this time something's not right, he is being too serious and not cracking. 

“No, I mean it.” He quietly states and directs me to my living room where my blankets remain messily pushed to one side. Sitting down on the sofa he paces around the space, anxiety building with each step he takes. “After you left I was getting ready, ready to surprise Esther. But then Will turned up.” Everything freezes up except my heart which goes into overdrive. 

Will. Bloody brilliant. 

“Whatever Will told you Dan, you shouldn’t have been told.” I speak up and stand in front of him, already preparing myself for the rejection that is approaching. 

Standing there Dan remains quiet, focusing on me as I try to avoid his gaze. “Hey,” His left hand cups my chin until I focus on him without anywhere else to turn. “I, I have been such a dick to you.” I shake my head but he continues, “No I really have.” Sincerity takes over everything around us and in him. 

“Dan it’s okay, you’re happy and so am I.” I repeat it mentally, hoping that he buys it, that he believes that it is true. That I am happy. 

Yet, this time he shakes his head. “But you aren’t. And neither am I.” His hands wander down to find mine, taking them lightly. “All this time I was trying to convince myself you would never feel the same.” My eyes catch his as they become glossy, he laughs to himself as he shakes his head and pushes his hair back; he’s nervous. “I thought you’d never see me as anything more than the best friend you’d turn to when need be. So I convinced myself to stop noticing the little things about you.” 

“What?” Confusion bursts out as my hands tense into his. “How,” He stops me before I have the chance to continue, my eyes lock back into his. 

“I tried to ignore your laugh, how full and wholehearted it can be when you’re comfortable around someone.” I watch his lips move, the stubble that was there before shaved. “The way you always look out for people, even strangers. How you always, always make others feel more uplifted.” Unable to disguise the smile forming on my face his grows, “And that.” Motioning to my smile, “I could watch you smile all day, seeing your face lighten up just makes me put things into perspective.”

“All this time,” I take my hands out of his and wrap them around his neck. “and neither of us could say anything?” Laughing I can’t get over how outrageous it all is. “Are we that naive?” 

He shrugs his shoulders, “I love you.” Those three words, directed at me after all this time. After the various occasions when he would tell them to someone else, how I would see them react I take a different route. 

“Okay.” I reply, much to his confusion. “I’m kidding.” Laughing I can see the relief wash over, “I love you too.” Hugging him tightly I can’t find a reason to let go, to need to let go anymore as I finally have what I have been after all these years. As we pull away I focus on his lips, seconds away from our first kiss without any regret. “Also, you finally wore a suit.” 

I chuckle to him as he mutters into my lips, “Not everyday you tell the girl you’ve loved for years how you feel. Worth looking nice. Shame you didn’t get the memo.” He remarks and I cut off his light laughter with a kiss, and like that, it feels as if it has all fallen into place. Even if we needed a little nudge.