#listened exclusively to edge of tonight while i wrote this

[clumsyclifford]

Alex isn’t sure where he’s taking them. He’s not sure where they are, even, but he doesn’t want a GPS, doesn’t want a phone on, doesn’t want lights in the car to illuminate his face, to blind him from seeing Jack hidden in the shadows of the passenger seat.

Finally, as they’re passing their third exit, Jack says, “What do you think happens when you die?”

written because @waytoofadedtodrive is just absolutely the best

[spicynamericano]

Perception. - mk lee

sypnosis: you meet a stranger in the park, who helps you prepare for your interview with renowned author, mark lee.

word count: 2.1k

genre: fluff, strangers to friends!au, author!mark x reporter!reader

a/n: i impulsively wrote this in the wee hours of the morning because i can't stop thinking about mark lee and his poems! btw, this is my first time posting an au on this platform, but i do have ongoing twitter fics (written in eng/fil)!

I had just finished my late night shift at the office and was on my way home from work. Being a field reporter is not an easy job. I have to work my butt off to always stay up to date on the latest news and make sure to grab even the rarest exclusives.

I have to travel to basically anywhere, just to gather the most accurate information for the daily primetime news. And even if work is done for the day, I would usually go overtime to make sure no single detail is left out for tomorrow’s reports.

My workplace isn’t that far from home, or what I call home now. Moving into my elder sister’s old apartment was not a hassle. It was actually quite a blessing since I always used to stay over whenever we visited the city. I really thank the heavens that her place was near my workplace. Imagine the struggle of moving in and out from scratch. Actually, I wouldn’t even dare to imagine.

I would usually ride my bike to and from the office, but since I was running a bit late earlier in the morning, I decided to take the bus. Convenience at its finest. But it’s late now. A fifteen minute walk back home won’t hurt, right? Besides, I needed a breather. A walk in the nearby park would suffice.

It’s midnight and of course, the park is empty. Although Seoul is alive 24/7, I really like how some areas still have that laid-back vibe. I walk to the swings and place my bag on the ground. I do wish someone would push me right now. I just wanna be free from all the hectic stuff I’ve been doing lately.

But no, the quick rest I thought of didn’t stop me from going over tomorrow’s duties. I scan my little, brown notepad and check the work I have yet to accomplish. I mostly finished them before I got off work, but there is one more that I needed to do for tomorrow: interview Mr. Mark Lee, the author of the best-selling Late Night Scribbles.

It’s a collection of poems and prose he’s written over the course of five years during his travels to different cities as a renowned travel writer. His travel reviews and recommendations were something I always looked forward to reading. Maybe someday I could go on a stress-free holiday trip thanks to his advice.

I have read his book. For someone who’s trained into more technical writing like me, I could still clearly resonate with most of the poems he’s written. Not too shallow, not too deep. Though you do need to have a sense of literature in order to understand more of his deeper works. He isn’t famous for nothing.

What appalled me though is that he never showed his face to anyone, not even once. Some say he’s actually the main rapper of the world-renowned boy group NCT, since they bear the same name. I think otherwise. Well, it could be, though. Rappers do make their own lines and tell their own stories.

But I don’t think that Mark Lee would be the same person I’d be interviewing tomorrow. It’s weird because I won’t be actually meeting him face to face. He said he’d rather converse through email. Works for me since I don’t have to travel tomorrow. Thank God.

Well, let me tell you a secret. The reason I don’t think author Mark Lee is singer Mark Lee is because singer Mark Lee is actually my childhood best friend. Crazy, huh? I used to live in Vancouver when I was young until my family and I moved back to Korea during my teen years.

I don’t think he remembers me, though. But I do remember him. Our moms were practically best friends. I couldn’t say the same to us, only if he still actually remembers me.

I stretch my arms up high and bend it side to side. God, I need a massage asap. I was about to pick up my bag when a basketball rolled over and hit the tip of my loafers. A man dressed in black waves from the court, signaling to toss the ball to his direction.

I would toss it if I could but I walk over instead. Blame my poor strength and reflexes. And I obviously do not want to embarrass myself. A rough day’s a rough day. I don’t want an addition.

“Uhm, are you looking for this?” I ask the guy, tossing the ball mid-air.

“Yes, thank you…” he pauses. “uh…”

“Oh, it’s (y/n).” I introduced myself, “And you are?”

“Minhyung.”

“Well, you’re welcome, Minhyung. Good luck with your basketball practice!” I gave him a nod before finally turning back to go home.

“Wait!” he calls out. “Do you maybe wanna have a cup of coffee? There’s a nearby convenience store still open. I figured you might need it.”

Was it that obvious? I can’t imagine how stressed I look right now! He has probably seen the dark circles under my eyes. Gross.

I finally turn around and give him a smile, “You know, maybe I do need it. Let’s go?”

This man and I walk to the nearby convenience store just a few meters away from the court. It’s midnight and not many people are here. Well, just exactly like how I want it. The park can actually become full, even until 10 pm. But I guess these people also need some shut-eye. I’m actually surprised this man right here still has some energy left.

I wait outside and sit at the nearest gazebo while he buys instant coffee for the both of us. He arrives with three in hand. Does he like coffee that much?

“You’re really gonna drink two?” I ask him curiously.

“It’s actually for you,” he says as he hands me one of the cups. “I feel like you’re going to be staying up late tonight.”

Well, he’s right. I am gonna be staying up late. I still need to prepare questions for tomorrow’s, or later, rather, interview. I really won’t be getting some sleep tonight. I also need to do research on him too.

“Well, I do have an interview for tomorrow. I still need to prepare as it’s a very important one.”

“With whom, may I ask?”

“Mark Lee, the author. Not the singer.”

“Oh,” he lets out a soft sigh that can be heard, even through his mask. Is he offended that I don’t think author Mark Lee and singer Mark Lee are the same?

“Why do you sound so disappointed?”

“Uh, nothing. I just remembered the book he recently released. Have you read it?”

“Late Night Scribbles?”

“Yes, that!” he answered enthusiastically. Wow, I guess I found a fan right here. He might actually help me with my interview later. I need to grab this chance.

“Do you mind helping me? I’m actually going to interview him about it tomorrow.” I gave him the widest smile, hoping he’d say yes. I normally wouldn’t do this to strangers, especially at night. But I really just need to get this over with.

“Well, as someone who’s a fan of his works. I’d like to give it a try and interpret it,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee. “Just imagine I’m Mark Lee. Shoot your questions.”

“Hmm, I can’t be answering personal questions since you’re not Mark Lee.” I scratch my head. Damn, I can’t think of anything. My brain is not working right now! “But if you were Mark Lee, what would you want to be asked?”

“If I were Mark Lee? Well, rather than asking what my inspiration was behind the works I’ve made, I’d rather be asked on how I tried to convey my thoughts and feelings to this piece of work,” he explained, staring at the night sky.

I followed the direction of his gaze, and he’s looking at Orion, one of the brightest constellations out there. I gaze at it too while waiting for him to continue explaining.

“But isn’t it basically the same as drawing inspiration from something?” I ask profoundly.

“Not really. You can draw inspiration from anything. And you can come up with different outputs based on one inspiration. What’s important is how you’re able to connect the context of what you’re writing to the feelings you want to draw out,” he continues.

“With a single inspiration, I can come up with two completely different works based on how it’s written. The idea may be the same but the context is not.”

“Hmm, care to explain a little further?” I ask politely.

“We can use Black Socks as an example.”

Black socks are underrated

The way they connect the bottom sleeves of

my black sweatpants to my black sneakers

is just perfect

Pleasure from perfect alignment

That also goes for the ability to be parallel

with my thoughts and actions

I try to live out what’s in my mind, and keep

it consistent even when forgotten like a

working habit

A moment to think twice about what

seemed unimportant

Black socks have been making my day

these days and I knew I had to return the

favor by acknowledging them

I throw you in the bin only so that you can

be renewed again

“Black socks, literally an ordinary object that is tossed to the bin right after use. But what caught my eye is his appreciation for this mundane thing.”

“Through his words, you can tell black socks gave him comfort. He used a simple subject to convey his inner thoughts of how every little thing we don’t really recognize can actually be part of our routine, our life,” he said, looking me in the eye seriously.

“He found comfort in the most ordinary things no ordinary person would take notice of.”

Minhyung stands up and stretches his arms. He then continues, “It’s actually cool he shared this piece with us. If I were him, I’d go on and ramble how black socks could ruin my laundry.”

We both chuckle at the thought. It’s true. I hate how some of my black socks actually ruin my laundry. I dread the thought.

“It’s only a matter of perception, (y/n). Sometimes, you have to open your eyes and see, not look. Listen, not hear. Savor, not taste. Feel, not touch.”

“You know, you could actually be Mark Lee himself,” I tease him, “You do know your literature.”

I know he smiled at my remark. I can see his cheekbones rise from the edges of his mask.

“Sometimes, you just have to ask the right questions in order to get the answers you want,” he said teasingly. “You can’t get what you want if you don’t know what you want.”

For a stranger, he’s indeed a good talker. I actually learned so much from our talk tonight.

“Thanks for tonight, Minhyung. I really learned a lot.” I thank him before gulping down the last cup of coffee he bought me. “And thanks for the coffee, by the way! I now have energy to prepare for my interview later.”

“No problem. I’m just glad that I was able to help.”

I stood up from my seat and we both started walking away from the park.

“It’s 1 am. How are you gonna get home, (y/n)?” Minhyung asks worriedly. Yeah, it is pretty late. It’s a good thing I just live near.

“My apartment’s just two blocks away. I can manage,” I say with a smile, a genuine one at that. “How about you?”

“I’ll just grab a cab. Do you mind if I walk you home?” I don’t know why but I felt flustered for a moment. Surprisingly though, I just nodded my head, giving him permission to accompany me home.

We both arrive at the entrance of my apartment building and we say our last goodbyes.

“For a stranger, you really do know how to make people comfy,” I say, crossing my arms and giving him a stare, brows furrowed to tease him.

“Well, that’s just how I am,” he says while giving me a wink. Okay, now he’s flirting. Someone stop him, please. Just kidding.

“By the way, you haven’t taken your mask off the entire time except when drinking coffee. I couldn’t get a good glimpse at you since it was dark,” I explain. It’s true. Add the fact that I’m barely keeping myself awake the whole time. “I might’ve actually thought you’re an idol of some sort. Perhaps, maybe you are Mark Lee.”

“What?” he asks, puzzled and clearly taken aback. “Why’d you think so?”

“Because you share the same name with him.”

[bad-bitch-beauchamp]

Songs About Me: Whisky & Song (CH9)

A dinner is had, Claire shares a page from her notebook, and the truth comes out.

READ ON AO3

Jamie’s kitchen, mid-evening, early December, Louisburg Square, Beacon Hill, Boston

Jamie poured a few more fingers of Glenfiddich 12 into both of the tumblers on the counter and set down the bottle. He’d bought the bottle the first night Claire had come to his townhouse, hoping she’d notice how he’d pay attention to the detail about her escape in Scotland. She had noticed, of course, and rewarded him with a windfall of kisses. It was the night she’d learned he had been her neighbor for longer than they’d known each other, and the whisky served as just another reminder of their close connection. That night had followed Jamie into his dreams that night. Dreams, of Claire. After that night, he’d made sure to always have a bottle of Glenfiddich on hand for repeat performances. Tonight, he was hoping for more of the same.

“... Can ye believe it, Sassenach! I mean, every party with those two is a wild one but this one -- Christ! -- it was really something else!” Jamie was sitting at his island barstool facing her, but Claire’s mind was a thousand miles away.

“Hm? Oh yes, I’m sure it was a fun time. What happened next?” she asked absently.

Jamie furrowed his brows for just a moment and watched while she took a rather large drink from her glass. “Weel, that was mostly the end of the story, ken,” he replied.

She nodded slowly and took another large drink. “Yer not usually a closed-mouthed woman, Claire,” he sighed. “Care to share what yer thinking about? Something’s clearly eating ye up over there.” When she didn’t replied, he grinned and added, “Yer thoughts are sae loud I can nearly here them from way over here.”

That got a small smile from her at last. As she opened her mouth to finally spill her words all over him, a loud vibration buzzed from Jamie’s phone on the quartz counter. Without needing to look, Claire knew exactly what was about to happen: a cute blonde face would light up the screen, Jamie would silence the phone, and it would be shoved out of sight. Refusing to see it happen again, Claire blurted out, “Are you seeing someone else?”

Jamie’s hand, reaching toward the phone, settled back into his lap. “Am I what?”

“We never did have the “we’re exclusive” conversation, so it’s really not a big deal if you are.” Seeing his confused expression she continued. “I mean, you’re a grown man, you can do what you want, and who am I to stop you?”

“Who are ye to me?” Jamie quietly muttered, more to himself than to her.

“...It’s so often, and I wouldn’t mind, but it seems like a lie by omission, and after my ex, I don’t do lying. Secrets, but not lies. It’s been two months together and I really like this, Jamie. If you’re going in a different direction than me, it’s cool, I just need to know because that’s really not what I’m trying to do here and honestly, I thought we were on the same page with what we wanted…”

“Claire, wait--”

“...and I thought we were making plans together and if that’s not what you want, I want to readjust. Actually, I’d rather get out of it altogether…”

“Sassenach--”

“I’m just going to go, okay? Thanks for dinner, it’s been really fun. I’m sure I’ll see you around,” Claire rambled. In the span of two minutes, she’d gone from complete silence to packing up her purse and heading to the entryway to the front door. Before she could reach the handle, a strong hand gripped her upper arm and spun her around. Crystal blue eyes burned into her.

“I’m no’ letting ye go until I explain. Then, you can make yer choice. I will no’ make ye stay, but I hope ye’ll wait around to listen to me. Just for a moment.” She shuffled on the floor, trying to look anywhere but at him. “Please, Claire. Please don’t go yet.” There was something in his voice, a pleading , that made her completely unable to walk away from him. She nodded, and followed him back to the barstools.

“I’m sorry if you feel like I misled ye, a nighean. Ye deserve only the truth, so ye’ll have it. The calls are from my friend Annalise.” Claire’s head snapped, eyes narrowed. “I take it ye remember her. Yes, my ex. She’s going through a terrible breakup with her boyfriend Charlie, and now that so many of us have left Scotland for here, she’s really feeling alone. Even though we dated, we’ve always considered each other verra good friends. She’s needed someone, and I’m trying to be there for her now, like she’s been for me.” Claire’s look softened, but only slightly. “Please, Claire. Ye have to believe I’d never hide anything from ye. She’s nothing more than a friend tae me.” He held both her hands in his tentatively, lest she tried to pull back.

“Why did you hide her from me? I’d never keep you from a friend, but Jamie, you have to understand. She’s a beautiful woman, and you were acting secretive, and--”

“Please dinna mistake dedication for secretiveness.”

“Dedication?”

“Aye. Dedication to ye. To our relationship. To our time together. Annalise is special to me, but nothing is as important tae me as you, Claire. Nothing. I’m trying my best to be a good friend for her, but nothing compares to ye. I don’t pick up the phone because I don’t want to take up my time with ye away on the phone. I didna consider how it must look to ye. Please know, ye are everything , to me.”

Claire blinked, trying to absorb the weight of what he’d told her. Still trying to process his admission and fighting through the fog of more than a few whiskies, a quiet but steady voice pulled her from her reverie.

“Yer face is my heart, Sassenach, and the love of you is my soul. Ye cannae tell by now?”

Her brow furrowed. Surely he didn’t say that. He didn’t mean that. He couldn’t have. Slowly, she moved her eyes from her hands in his up his chest, to his heartbeat pounding in his throat, to clear blue eyes.

“You… you love me?”

The edge of his mouth quirked up and his eyes crinkled in the corners. “Aye, I do. I’ve wanted ye from the moment ye fell into me at the bar, and I’ve loved ye since I found ye sitting in my shop, singing yer wee songs with the sunlight hitting ye from behind. I loved ye then, and I’ve loved ye every day since then. I loved ye then, and I love ye now, Claire.” He stood from his seat and stepped closer, bringing her to her feet. “I love you. No one else. I loved ye yesterday, today, tomorrow… as long as ye’ll have me, I will love you.”

Not for the first time, words were failing Claire. Whether it was hearing that Jamie Fraser loved her or the whisky, she couldn’t tell. Her eyes finally fell to his chest, brow still furrowed. Everything around her was heavy: the weight of his words, the alcohol in her veins, the scent of him so close to her -- all ocean spray and damp earth and old books -- looming over her, an arm draped around her wait and one in her hair… everything was so heavy. Breathe, Beauchamp. Finally having the confidence to face him yet again, she prepared to lay her feelings bare just has he had moments before. Meeting his eyes, she found apprehension. He thinks he said something wrong. He thinks he overstepped.

“Wait here.” She left a stunned Jamie in the kitchen and ran back to the front door when she left her purse. Returning with a black leather notebook in hand, she thumbed through the pages. Jamie watched in confused wonderment while she searched for something in particular. Finding what she was looking for, she handed the book to him. With a sigh, he sat back on the tall stool to read what was so important to her.

Scribbled on two adjacent pages were words scrawled in black ink. On the left, a column of French words strung together in Claire’s hand:

Je te laisserai des mots

En-dessous de ta porte

En-dessous de la lune qui chante

Tout près de la place où tes pieds passent

Cachés dans les trous d’un temps d’hiver

Et quand tu es seule pendant un instant…

Embrasse-moi,

Quand tu voudras

Embrasse-moi,

Quand tu voudras

Embrasse-me,

Quant tu voudras.

On the second page, with a few words scribbled out and replaced, lay another column:

I will leave you words

Under your door,

Below the singing moon

Near the place where you pass by

Hidden in the hole of wintertime

And when you’re alone

For a moment

Kiss me

Whenever you want

Kiss me

Whenever you want

Kiss me

Whenever you want.

A clear line of tears shimmered on red lashes, blue eyes became clearer. “You love me, too.” Blue sky met whisky. He stood, discarding the notebook on the counter. “Ye love me.” He couldn’t look away and continued toward her. He took her hands in his for the second time, searching her face for any sign of misunderstanding, finding none when she tearfully smiled and slowly nodded her affirmation. “Ye love me, too…?”

“Aye,” trying her best Scottish imitation, “I do.”

Seeing the honesty, the vulnerability, in her eyes, he kissed her. No, not kissed. Absolutely devoured. He held her face in his large hands, cradling her against him. “Tell me.”

She leaned into the force of him, closing her eyes for just a moment. When she opened them to watch him, she hoped he could read her face as easily as he always said he could. Her hand covered his, and she smiled. “James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

His eyes danced over her face, memorizing her features in this moment. “Christ, Claire,” a single tear ran down his stubbled cheek. “To hear ye say it, it’s… it’s more than I ever imagined.”

She let out a trembling sigh, stroking his face, the path of his single tear with her thumb. His stare traveled downward in thought, meeting hers again in question. “The song from the shop, the one in French,” Claire smiled shyly, letting her gaze drop to the floor, and back up at him through wet lashes. “Is it… is that the one that…”

“I said I wrote about you sometimes,” she admitted, a smile unbidden breaking free from the corners of her mouth. “Do you like it?”

“Do I… Do I like it?” He wondered at this woman before him, in complete awe. “Aye, I love it. Nearly as much as I love you, mo chridhe.” Unable to hold himself back from her, he feverishly kissed her. A hand in her hair, an arm snaked around her waist, she was positively crushed to him. Claire moaned into his kisses, seeking purchase of him with her mouth. He only held her tighter with each kiss. Claire searched to bring them closer yet, but Jamie pulled away first. Breaking for air, he cupped her face gently, and stared into the face he’d treasure, he’d love , for the rest of his days. “You are everything, to me.”

[oftenderweapons]

Love Talk - Namjoon

Pairing: Namjoon x reader (nicknamed Vixen)

Wordcount: 6.1k words

Genre: romance, minor fluff, mild smut

Rating: suggested 18+

Hello cuties! Welcome to the Love Talk scenarios.

In these small series we’ll see how the guys handle the turn-ons turn-offs conversation, talking about their previous relationships, kinks and limits.

In this first piece we’ll see how our perfect leader plays his cards with his not-yet girlfriend, fondly nicknamed Vixen. It’s their fifth date and Vixen meets him at hers for a lovely homecooked meal. Expect the situation to escalate. 

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Consumption of alcohol (wine), swearing, toxic past relationships. Discussion of sexual topics, [DDLG/daddy kink, oral, voyeurism, sex toys and impact play, restraints (handcuffs and manacles, spreader bars), lingerie fetish, discipline and rules, mind games, pornography, slight roleplay, sensation play, edging, orgasm deprivation and control, bruising and marking kink, blindfolds. Mentions of angst about Vixen’s past relationship. Mentions of a series of hard limits (hardcore bdsm, heavy pain kink, knife play, electric play, suspension play, water sports, degradation and humiliation, chastity devices, infantilization, dubious consent, asphyxiation, triple penetration, touch deprivation). Just in case you didn’t know already, Vixen is a brat and Joon is the smoothest brat tamer to exist (Can you imagine him sweet talking and tricking his brat into obedience? I. Am. Shaking.)

Wordcount: 6.1k (listen, these two flirt a lot, they like talking to each other and Joon could dirty talk for days. Anything less than 5k would be an insult to them and I GOT CARRIED AWAY) Also, here is my Masterlist

Do you want to read what happened next? You can find it here!

------------------------------------

He didn’t expect it. Yeah, last time you’d made out in the backseat, the driver hopefully uninterested in your anthem, but that doesn’t mean he expected you to ask him out. Usually he was the one texting first and asking out.

International, Korean or fusion? The text read. 

Are you thinking of bringing me lunch?

I’m thinking of asking you out this Saturday. If you’re free, of course.

Picnic at Han river? He asked, hopeful.

They say it’s gonna be stormy. Dinner at mine. I’ll cook.

You can cook? His computer went on screensaver mode. He was too caught up texting. He was already done with the demo anyway. 

You’ll see. You teased. 

He smirked. Then it’s a deal. Want me to bring wine and dessert?

Just wine, you wrote before adding a flirty smirk. 

He was blushing. You’re so naughty. He replied. A pause. Cook your signature dish.

Don’t get ideas. You texted back cheekily. 

That was nice. However, a few seconds later you found yourself questioning how long it would take you to lose your cool and throw yourself at him. The night was going to be disastrous. 

That’s how you found a drenched Namjoon on your doorstep the following Saturday. “Sorry, my umbrella broke on the way. I’m a mess.” He spoke, checking how bad he looked, the words spilling out of his mouth lightning fast. With an apologetic smile he looked up at you, his jaw going slack, a little shocked. “Wow.”

He noticed you had dolled yourself up. You blushed and thanked him for the compliment quickly, your main interest focused on taking care of his situation. You quickly dragged him in, already fussing over him before he got cold, your apprehensive side taking control.

You smiled at him and asked him to wait for a towel. When you came back you noticed he was wearing a thin cotton t-shirt, now perfectly sticking to his skin. You were ready for self-ignition. Fortunately, you managed to find a spot for his dripping jacket and tell him to get comfy. He was already barefoot, his sandals on your entry mat. You offered him your oversized sleeping t-shirt and left as he dried himself and got dressed. 

“Let me see if I have a pair of sweats for you.” You came back a few minutes later with some basketball shorts you didn't even know you had. “Sorry, I don’t have boxers. You could use one of my thongs, if you fancy those.” You smirked, giving him an awkward thumbs-up. He snickered at that, shaking his head. 

God, he felt fond of you already. 

After a few minutes he was sitting at the kitchen table, looking like boyfriend material in his exceedingly domestic outfit, and fidgeting with his hands. Previously you had led him to the bathroom, giving him space to change and asking him to give you his stuff so you could put it in the dryer. In the meantime he had noticed the small details in your bathroom. Your pink toothbrush. Your sleeping robe hanging from the heater. And a small collection of delicate lace — too delicate for machine washing and drying — hanging from a small rack. 

Fuck. 

“It’s almost ready. I hope you like lasagna. It’s a classic.” You called from the stove. 

“That’s nice.” He admitted. “It feels amazing in here. Smells good. And it’s nice, toasty. Great autumn vibes.”

He was probably talking out of nerves. He should stop. He was painfully close to slapping himself.

“Thank you. I know you like hardwood. And that’s exactly the vibe I go for.” You said referring to your furniture.

“Your house is truly lovely, ____.” He spotted more details, trying to ignore the rumbling of his stomach, both from nerves and the mouth-watering scent coming from the oven.

“I’ll give you a tour later. Don’t expect a lot, though. It’s just the living room, the studio and the bedroom. Other than the bathroom and kitchen, that is.”

Bedroom. Hell. Keep calm, Namjoon, she said don’t get ideas. “I’d love to.”

Dinner was easy, you talked about his job and your job, and how you’d moved to Seoul and found that incredible, small apartment in such an exclusive neighbourhood. 

Together with conversation flowed the wine. You both were red cheeked by the end of the meal and your head felt a bit light when you stood up. He noticed and smirked kindly. “Need help?” A hand sweetly supporting your waist. 

You were standing in front of him now and you couldn’t help but notice how his head reached your navel while he was sitting. “Have I already told you you look breathtaking tonight?”

You blushed. “Maybe.” You stroked his hair back, the gesture incredibly intimate. He closed his eyes and pushed his head against your hands, inviting you to do that again. You obliged. “And you look ravishing in my pink and frilly sleeping shirt.” You joked. 

“Yeah I feel incredibly cute. But don’t jump my bones, please. Right now this place feels like the dragon’s den.” He confessed. “And you keep luring me in.”

“I might eat you. Be careful.” You teased. “This dragon can be very hungry.”

He looked up at you and smiled, his eyes crincling. “That sounds amazing.” 

You took your chance and poked his dimple, then you grabbed his hands and removed them from your waist, getting ready for dessert. You started collecting the dishes and bringing them to the dishwasher, leaving only the wine and glasses on the table. As you turned and bent he let his eyes run down your tight-fitting dress, biting his lip as he noticed the lack of panty lines on your behind. “Do I get the dessert now?” He growled quietly. You turned your head, pretty sure that he was enjoying the view, which you had no intention ruining.

“Have you been a good boy?” You questioned playfully. 

“I’m always good.” He replied “Maybe not a good boy, but good for sure.”

“You can go in the living room, we’ll eat dessert there.” You directed him. 

He let his hand caress your lower back, catching your attention. “Need me to take the wine and glasses there?” He asked.

“Yes, thanks, sweetie.” You whispered, somehow entranced by the small touch. 

You were starting to get intimate and it felt right. Comfortable. You took a few minutes to yourself, cleaning up the kitchen and loading the dishwasher, then trying to get dessert ready, your movements slower both because of the wine and because you felt like you needed more time to get psychologically ready for him and your bantering.

Meanwhile he reached the other room and fumbled around a little, searching for the light switch. Suddenly the place felt comfy. And dangerous. The lights were low, the sofa looked soft and inviting with a big woolen comforter thrown over it. 

You were well-read. He knew that already, but noticing the big library and the books laying a little bit everywhere really made him wonder how many things you knew. He put down the glasses and bottle and explored, careful of where he put his feet. 

You had Korean books and English ones. A few in one or multiple languages he didn’t know. On your wall there were a few movie posters. Studio Ghibli. The Grand Budapest Hotel. Lost in Translation. Lolita. 

He knew that one. He would ask about that later. 

Moving back to the library he noticed other books he knew. The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Again, Lolita. The Memoirs of a Geisha. The Delta of Venus. A thorough guide to the language of sex… A thorough what?

“You found my forbidden stash.” You asked him, propped against the door jamb, dessert in one hand, spoons in the other. 

“If it’s forbidden, then why are you displaying it so openly.” He asked, moving away and innocently sitting on one edge of the sofa, legs closed, trying to occupy as little space as possible.

“No one visits here, usually. And why should I hide being interested in erotism?” You laid the heavy bowl on the table. “It’s tiramisu. It’s coffee-based. I thought you would like it. If you’re bold enough I might tell you the story of it.”

“Come on, try me.” He teased.

“It was invented in Italy. It’s said that prostitutes would make it to reinvigorate their clients.” You took a spoon and dipped it in before bringing it to your mouth. 

He laughed. “Really.”

“It’s a quite popular legend.” You smiled. 

“Did you learn that in The thorough guide to the language of sex?” He asked flirtily, his ears blushing.

“I learnt that during my cuisine lessons.” You replied matter-of-factly.

“And what did you learn from that interesting book?” He wondered, keeping eye contact as he fed himself some cake.

“A lot of things, actually.” You lowered your eyes, playing hard to get. 

“And have you ever used them?” He asked, his curiosity now poked and fully awakened.

“Are you asking me if I’ve had sex before?” You questioned.

He shook his head. “I assumed you have.” He stopped, embarrassed. “I mean, you’re in your mid-twenties and you mentioned having a couple past relationships.”

“Correct. Even though those factors are actually insignificant. But yeah, I’ve done it before.” You shrugged. “So have you, right?”

“Yes. I’ve had three committed relationships. A few casual flings. That’s it.” He admitted, completely unbothered by the fact. 

You looked at him, swallowing your mouthful before asking: “Now we’re gonna talk bodycounts and turn-ons, right?”

“Only if you want to, darling.” His voice became soft, caring. He was your boy now. 

“Then yeah. Well, let’s go through some history.” You poured some wine in both glasses and took a sip of yours. “Lost my virginity at 19. First serious boyfriend. He was a lot older than me. A lot. Like a loooot.”

“How old?” He asked, cocking his head to the side. 

“Like… twelve years...” You said, as if it were a question. 

“He was… thirty-one?” He asked, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah...” You exhaled. 

“And why did it end?” he asked. 

“We were together for two years. Then he wanted family. I wanted career. Seems fair.” You told briefly.

“He must have been important, then.” He assumed out loud.

“We’re actually still friends. He has a family. But he really made me what I am. Actually, he helped me grow up and past some traumas.” You admitted with a smile.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, again warm and comforting. 

“The usual. Daddy issues.” You giggled. 

He bit his lip anxiously. Now what?

“I was overly responsible from a young age. I wanted rules, restrictions. Attention from my parents. I was always wound up tight and with no one taking care of me.” You shrugged. “He helped me find an outlet and discover how my mind works. I realised sometimes I just need someone to take care of me when I'm too tired to do it myself.”

“I noticed the Lolita theme. I was going to ask you about that, honestly. Is that what you’re into?” He asked, tiptoeing around the huge black hole that was calling to him. Asking you to get into his lap and then praise and cuddle you until the little girl eventually came out to play. 

“Are you asking me if I have a daddy kink or if I like owning multiple versions of the same book in different languages?” You asked, putting some humour in the heavy conversation you would be diving into shortly. 

“Obviously the different versions.” He shrugged with a teasing smile. 

“Yes.” You took another small sip. “To both of those.”

He felt like he needed to stretch his neck. “I’m glad this came up.”

“I’m pretty sure you have one yourself, don’t you?” You licked your lips before taking some more dessert.

He took a sip of his wine. “Yes. I think.”

“From one to ten, how far up?” You asked, eyes sparkling bright.

“I would say eight. Maybe nine.”

“Don’t underestimate yourself. You’re safe with me. I was hoping that by now you knew I wouldn’t ever judge you.” You murmured, a pout on your lip. 

“A solid nine. But I won’t go higher up. There’s some kinky stuff out there that I’m seriously not into.”

“What’s that?”

“Stuff like pacifiers and drawings and plushies and playing tea party. That’s not me.”

“No, I’m not into infantilization either.” You agreed. “Honestly I’m more of a brat than a baby girl.” Now that the ball was rolling it was easier getting to the core of things, using terms and explaining kinks. The initial dive is always traumatic, but now you only had to swim. Metaphorically speaking.

“I could tell.” he smirked. “Too teasing and independent to keep your head low and say “yes, sir”, aren’t you?”

“You got me.” You lifted your eyes to him, batting your lashes a couple times. “And where’s the fun in that? The fun is in the chase. All the sweet talking and the manhandling that lead to surrender and conquest. I need to be won, earned, deserved. Of course I will bend, but I want you to show me how much you want me, how far you’re willing to go to get me. If it suits my taste, I will give in.”

He swallowed and took another spoonful of tiramisu. You were getting to his head faster than the wine. “So you’re a brat.” He stated, then licking his lip. 

You nodded. 

“What else are you into?” He asked, his stare dark and serious. 

You subtly clenched your legs. “I like the fight. I like the sensationof my partner overpowering me. But I also like feeling loved and taken care of.”

“That’s right and natural, darling.” He supported you. 

You felt your body caving in slowly, the desire in his eyes felt intoxicating and the sweet understanding and tenderness oozing from his mouth made you want to please him immensely. You were already yielding without him even touching you. “I like rules.”

“Oh, you do, sweetie?” He lured you in, inviting you to share more details. 

“They make me feel like the other person is giving me boundaries to protect me.” You confessed.

“I like those too.” He diminished the power imbalance between the two of you, showing you his more delicate side. “I like giving them. And I like receiving them. I also feel like the other person is teaching me how to respect them. How to love them right. And is also indirectly protecting me from harm.”

“That’s right.” You agreed. “That’s exactly how I feel.” You smiled shyly. 

“Do you like punishment, in any forms?” He asked, his voice so delicate it felt like a butterfly landing on the tip of your nose.

You blushed and exhaled. “I like spankings.” You bit your lips, hiding your face in your hands.

He caressed your hands tenderly. “I’d love to spank your perfect ass, Vixen.”

You giggled at the nickname. He’d used it at the end of your fourth date, when your hand had started playing with his belt.

Mood lightened, you lifted your head, smiling brightly. “I like it barehanded. It’s my favourite. But I also like the paddle and the hairbrush.”

“Not afraid of bruises?” A shiver ran down his spine, even though his blood was boiling. 

“Not really.” You took more dessert. He stared at the spoon as it disappeared in your mouth, your lips latching and sucking at the silverware. His eyes then moved to your fingers as they held the spoon elegantly but energetically. “Actually the more the better. But tell me about you.”

He took in a deep breath before exhaling quickly. “I like bruising. Of different sorts. As I said, I’d love to cover your behind in those, if you’ll ever allow me to, that is.” He put down the spoon after he realised he was gesticulating with it. Dangerous. He was getting dumber. “This might sound very horny teenager but I like hickeys. Loads of them. Like marking. I really like marking.”

Your attention sparked up. He could claim you like that whenever he wanted to. 

“And other stuff like biting. Licking. A lot of mouth activity in general.” He admitted, toying with his hands and shifting in his seat.

You couldn’t contain a small squeal and a giggle. “Oral fixation. Sounds nice. I have that too. Official member of the oral squad.” You grinned as you saw the gleam in his eyes. You took a small pause analysing your next move. “However, I can assume from your size that you’re a lot.” You gestured to his shoulders and height.

He only opened his mouth, raising his eyebrows and averting his gaze. 

“And my gag reflex sucks. So I can only guarantee you I’ll try. Enthusiastically. Over and over.”

He felt like evaporating. “The only thing that counts is that you’re okay with receiving.” He waited for your answer expectantly, eyebrows raised, heartbeat galloping.

“Yes. Anytime.” You deadpanned. Eyes already closing at the thought of his mouth between your legs. “But don’t expect me to be shy about it. I will ask for it. Repeatedly. Until I’m a blabbering mess.”

He could make you a blabbering mess right in that second. He took a deep breath. Don’t start thinking of that.

“Come on, say it.” You flirted. 

He laughed his big old grandpa laugh. “Say what?” He looked at you, happy and excited.

“Come on, you’ve admitted it to national tv but won’t talk to me about it.”

“Oh, you mean porn.” He blushed to the tip of his ears. “Fuck. I’m so fucking dumb.”

“Just clumsy. It’s lovely.” You complimented. “It’s a nice contrast to the hot daddy look you have eighty percent of the time. But don’t get distracted. Talk to me about your voyeurism kink.” You spurred him on. You needed to unlock that part of him. Craved it. 

“Okay, fine. but we’re getting back to the hot daddy part later.”

“I’ll make sure of that.” You quipped. God, the chemistry was getting insane.

"Honestly, back then I used to watch it a lot more. Now I'm sort of… Lazier. It's so difficult finding what I like, and actually liking it the way it is carried out." 

"Like, you're not sure you like how they're doing it." You suggested.

He clicked his tongue in agreement. "Yes. And it just lacks that… Spark. The intimacy, you know." 

"Yeah, I know. That's why I one night stands aren’t it for me. I need to build that trust.” You admitted. 

"I feel the same. And I get it, sex is amazing and everything, but only when you do it right. Like — with the right person. Someone that understands you and someone you're free enough to do it with. Someone you know, mentally and emotionally."

"Sex that comes from knowing and understanding is so much more intense." You said with a dreamy tone.

He looked at your face, longing blatant on your lineaments. He wished he could give you that. He wished he could take it from you. "That's the right word. Intense. You know, like the way lovers look at each other, like ‘yeah, I know your tits look great but you know what looks even greater? The way your chest flushes when you're close and your eyelids flutter and you subconsciously wet your lip with that little, oh-so-familiar flick of tongue’."

You felt your body soften at the words, secretly answering to his description. "You just explained intimacy." You agreed, nodding along and picking up a spoonful of dessert. 

"That's why I watch a lot more amateur stuff these days. I would never have the audacity to film anything — too risky for my taste — but I like watching, at least."

"And how do you feel about watching… Live?" You asked, curious but also guarded. 

"You mean watching my partner as she touches herself?" He asked, eyes blown wide.

"Yes." You said, shrugging.

He licked his lips and gulped, though his mouth was awfully dry. Wine. That's what he needed. 

As he downed a large sip, you waited for his answer expectantly, almost ready to change topic when he started talking. 

"Yeah." His voice was deeper now and an obscure part of you stood to attention, your hearing enhanced to capture any order he was ready to give you. None came. "I would love to. I love looking at a confident woman showing off her lingerie —  and don’t think I forgot about your little collection.” He licked his lips and parted his legs, trying to ease his discomfort. “Sadly, I think that the vision would be an exercise in restraint, since I have zero patience and I can't stand being provoked. But I would watch, were she to touch herself with bare hands or with… Toys."

Lord, save me. You thought, your legs squeezing tighter. 

This time it seemed Namjoon had noticed, although he did not show any reaction except for a cocky smirk, which he hid readily. 

"If it's such an exercise in patience maybe some restraints could help you rein yourself in." You suggested. 

"Being tied up by you as I watch you take off your lovely, expensive lingerie set and then watch you touch yourself? Is that what you're asking me?" 

"A girl can dream." You teased with a cheshire grin.

"Good thing dreams do sometimes come true." He suggested, an eyebrow raised, mouth quirked to the side, panty-dropping dimple in tow.

You smiled and moved half an inch closer to him. 

"You said once you did it a lot more. How much then and how much now?

"Well, back then I did it at least once a day or every two days. Now it's three times a week, roughly." He looked just slightly ashamed, but not really. You couldn't quite decypher his mind in that second. "May I ask about your… Needs."

Your brow creased, fingers entangling. "If I watch stuff? Or how often?" 

He looked stuck somewhere in his brain and you tried helping him out. "Yeah."

Both, then. "Not films. Usually it's just pictures or short clips. When I'm especially needy I might listen to audios—” 

"Of people having sex?" 

You nodded. "Yeah, or just having some alone fun-time. "

God, he wanted one of those. Of you. "That sounds interesting." 

"Sounds interesting in more ways than one, indeed." You offered back with an innuendo. 

Your silver tongue and quick brains would be the end of him. "Talking with you is like a dangerous tango. Like that scene from Mr and Mrs Jones."

You laughed. "I'll have to catch up on that one."

"We could watch it together, next time." He suggested. 

"I'd love to." You were sure that watching the film would probably be the last thing you’ll do. If you did it at all… "About frequency…" You took a pause, trying to verbalise decently what you felt wasn't decent at all. "I must say I'm quite high maintenance."

He poked your side, leaning across the sofa, but staying respectfully two feet away from you. He wanted to see if you would come closer. "Don't be shy. You made me grade my daddiness, now grade how needy you are from one to ten."

"Nine?" You were getting panicked. "Ten?" 

"How often, baby?" His voice was so deep and husky it made your stomach shake with the reverberations of it. 

"Like normally at least once a day?" You confessed in a shrill, insecure voice. 

He nodded with a dark smirk. "Very needy indeed." He turned towards you slightly, his body language showing openness and inviting you to cuddle up next to him. 

He wanted to touch you. Platonically. He wanted to comfort you throughout this conversation as you opened up and showed your vulnerabilities to him, but he also wanted to respect the distance you were keeping. Little did he know it was just a facade. All you wanted was to feel his hands combing your hair, his solid chest pillowing your head, his lips whispering sweet nothings at your ear. 

"So you said you like rules, spankings, power struggles and discipline, anything oral, toys and mature content. Anything else you need me to know, little vixen?" He asked, and the addition of "little" to your nickname made you understand that you were completely out of your mind for this man. You were ready for anything he commanded you. 

"I like restraints." You admitted. "I tend to fight back a little unless my daddy sweet talks me into things. Sometimes I like feeling a bit helpless, like my daddy can manhandle me and maneuver me into positions. That's why I like harnesses and cuffs, especially thigh cuffs. Also spreader bars. And manacles. I don't like handcuffs, they hurt and leave marks which are a bit difficult to hide, and embarrassing to explain."

Namjoon's mouth watered at the thought of thigh cuffs. Of the way your flesh would swell there, of how much skin there would be to bite. However, he also realised he had a lot to learn about you. And he needed to learn new things to play with you. 

"I am absolutely okay with that. I must admit I have never explored this deeply into restraints, so I need to tell you I'm inexperienced with stuff like spreader bars and bondage. I know basic knots for wrists, but that's it. I don't usually have much patience for shibari and the likes. The furthest I've gone is handcuffs and using ribbons or belts, on wrists only." He explained. 

"That's okay. Bondage is something too tricky for me too. Lengthy." You admitted. "Do you have any special need I should know of?" 

"Not really. Except privacy and absolute monogamy." He states coldly. "I like experimenting, and you mentioned a spreader bar earlier. I'd love to try that. Both on you and on myself. Same thing about manacles. They seem less aggressive than handcuffs."

You nodded and explained further. "The pressure is distributed on a wider surface, which minimises the risk of injuries and markings. Especially on rebellious… individuals." You chose your word carefully. 

Namjoon bit his lip and hummed in understanding. By now the discourse was getting highly technical, the need to verify and negotiate interests and limits coming to the surface. "We're both voyeurs, but I'll ask anyway, what about blindfolds?" 

"Soft limit. Really depends on how you handle it. I need constant reassurance and guidance, it really destabilizes me."

"Understood. I might be into those when paired with sensation play, but we'll get into that when the time is right." He conceded tenderly. "Just one last thing, baby. I need to know your hard limits. Stuff you really don't want to do."

"Degradation and humiliation are a big no no. My second — and most recent — relationship was with a degrading bastard. He hurt me in ways I'm not comfortable remembering."

"Okay, love." He looked you in the eyes and waited a second for your approval before caressing your face in comfort. 

"Stuff like hardcore BDSM, water sports, triple penetration and most anal play. And asphyxiation or choking."

Namjoon nodded quickly. "Anything else?" 

"Okay, orgasm denial and chastity devices are an absolute no. That should be it, about hard limits. There are a few things that make me safeword but that I can stand to a certain point, like edging, blindfolds, and touch deprivation."

Namjoon nodded once more, waiting for you to finish."Okay. I think that the only stuff I might meddle with is blindfolds and edging. I have no interest in controlling your orgasms — our aim is to please." He winked and smirked at you, your knees growing weaker and weaker. "Also, believe me when I say I tend to assume a very nourishing and protective role, therefore it would go against my nature to humiliate you or degrade you. I don't intend to attack your emotional stability, so if you're interested, we can tackle the problem with blindfolds a bit at a time. Same with edging, we'll take baby steps if you decide you trust me and want to give me the honour of trying." His brow creased as he tried to remember the other thing he wanted to say. "Oh, about touch deprivation, I always need my little one close to me, so you should never feel touch starved." He took a meditative pause." And I intend to touch you a lot, baby." 

You shivered and leaned closer to him, attracted to the comfortable nook he was creating while leaning on his side against the back cushions of your sofa. It looked so warm. And safe. 

He noticed your wandering glance and quickened the pace. He had ideas. And he needed you closer. 

"My hard limits are including other people in our intimate life. I don't share like that." He warned perentoriously. "Also, you know my clumsiness. If there's any chance that it could damage you, then there's no going that way. I'm thinking of stuff like knife play and kinks that involve obviously dangerous material. Like violet wands. Anything involving hardcore BDSM, suspension play, infantilization and dubious consent is a non-negotiable hard limit. Are you still with me, baby?"

You nodded, making eye contact. 

"Good. I might be interested in some anal play. No penetration and no strap-ons. Maybe rimming. Both giving and receiving. But we'll see. Same for sensation play." He scratched his neck, trying to think of things he doesn't like doing. "I don't like being edged and I have poor control of myself, so orgasm control and denial are kind of softish limits." And then you noticed the shift, like his spine getting straighter, his shoulders rolling back in the process, looking broader, still his voice came out sweet and caring. "Listen carefully now, little vixen. I have little tolerance for disobedience and insubordination. If you have a temper or challenge my dominance, you will have to face consequences. Also, I like claiming my partner entirely. What is mine is mine. I don’t like sharing. Infidelity is a deal breaker. Understood, ____?"

"Yes, sir." You replied, automatically, without even intending too. You did’t feel ready for that title. And sir felt neutral enough.

"Such nice manners." He praised with a proud smile. "Now, would you like to come closer, baby?" 

You batted your eyes a couple times. You were sliding into subspace quickly and you found yourself questioning whether it was a good idea to get closer. Still,  your body was faster than your brain, making you nod and crawl next to him, settling inside his embrace. "Can I sit on your lap, Joonie?" 

He blushed, smiling kindly at you. He was beginning to melt at your complicated charms. "Of course, babe." He sat elegantly with his back leaning against the sofa, legs slightly parted so you could place yourself between them, your thighs across his and your side pressed to his front as his arms slowly wrapped around you, ready to retreat at your first show of discomfort.  "Does it feel nice, darling?" 

"Yes." You whispered. You were so close to him, his body warm while the late summer night felt chilly on your skin.

He cupped your cheek with his hand and pulled your head to his breastbone, building a calm cocoon for you. "You mentioned I look like a hot daddy before. Care to elaborate, little one?" 

You purred at his term of endearment, cuddling into him some more. "You look so hot with your glasses on. Sometimes I close my eyes and still see you in your outfit for Gayo Daechukje in 2019. Grey three piece suit, necktie and glasses. Everyone was fantasising about you as their hot kinky professor in classroom roleplay."

He had some troubles reminiscing the details, but he saved in his mind some keywords. Glasses, suit, necktie, kinky professor roleplay. With your face burrowed in his chest, he propped his chin on top of you hair, his spare hand soothing your skin from your waist to your knee, raising goosebumps in its wake. 

"Did that outfit cause discomfort, baby thing?" He questioned, hands caressing your hair gently. 

"It did fuel some steamy dreams, yes." You conceded. 

"And did you wake up all hot and bothered for me?' He kept teasing. 

"Mh mh." You confirmed, head nodding slowly and timidly. 

His chest shook in a breathy laugh. "Poor little girl, so desperate for the hot professor."

He sounded so cruel, basking in your needy struggles. "I'm so lucky I'm a smart girl who can take care of herself." You counterattacked.

"Smart indeed. But now that I know maybe I can take care of it for you." He pressed a kiss to your head. It was the first time he did a gesture so tender and so intimate. 

"What else gets my little girl all ticklish and lightheaded?" He asked, curling tighter against you and around you. 

"When you call me little." You admitted. 

"Do you like it, ____?“

“Yes, Joonie. I like it a lot." You replied meeting his gaze. 

He leaned down and pressed the tip of his nose to your earlobe, a spot he had discovered during your first make out session. "What if I whispered it here, little vixen?" 

Your eyes closed, lost in sensations, your insides clenching so violently that your body followed the movement, knees pressing against each other, thighs squeezing for relief.

"I guess you really like this spot, am I right, little girl?" He pushed you closer and you started recognising the shape of him against your hip. The basketball shorts he was wearing did no good job at hiding him. 

"Please Joonie."

"Please what, darling?" He pressed his lips there, kissing you with a featherlight touch, impossible to perceive, were not for the sound of his disclosing lips. The tip of his tongue met the skin there, your back arching into him. "When I first saw you you looked like a wet dream, _____, in your smart formal attire, looking like the most confident, adult, unbreakable woman in the world. Legs for days and an ass I wanna bite like a ripe, juicy peach. You looked polished like a model, negotiating over the price of a painting in a private gallery. You looked so damn hot." He bit into your neck, moving your hair aside. "You looked like the most refined and expensive thing I have ever seen. Polished, edgy. So sexy." He bit into you again. 

This time you whimpered. 

"I thought I stood no chance, with my clumsy character and boyish ways." He giggled, and his voice vibrated against your throat. "Now you're in my arms, all cosy and needy, begging me to please you with your big doll eyes and pretty, plush lips, behaving like the cutest, sweetest little girl I could ever dream of." He sucked at the column of your throat gently, hard enough to cause a blush but soft enough to avoid a bruise. He leaned closer to your ear. "You're my fucking wet dream, Vixen."

You whined loudly, turning your head towards him, hoping he would put you out of misery and kiss you. 

Instead he grabbed your cheeks passionately and murmured on your mouth, staring intently in your eyes. "All mine. To enjoy, to ruin. But most importantly to protect and nourish and care for." He kissed you like you were made of porcelain, lips stiff against yours, afraid of letting go. "What do you want, little girl?" 

You stared with equal intensity in his eyes. "Kiss me. Please, daddy, I'll be so good to you." You had no problem using his title this time, your brain completely surrendering to him.

"Good girl." And as you felt your lungs bloom at the praise, wetness pooling between your legs, you slowly gave in to him, opening your mouth, letting his tongue dance with yours, mixing with the fruity taste of the wine and the creamy texture of the dessert. His hand stayed at your waist while the other, once gripping your face, slithered into your hair and cupped your nape, dragging you closer. You didn't know what to do with your hands. 

He kept kissing you as your lungs began burning, his technique impeccable. He kissed you thoroughly, licking your tongue and angling your head to give you access to his mouth. He fuelled your desire with short jabs of his chin, giving you the feeling of him caving in but then retreating and making you chase him. It was… Heady. 

"We need to stop, little one. We need to take our time." He exhaled heavily, his cheek against your forehead as he calmed down. "Why don't we cuddle as we watch something?" He suggested.

"No more making out?" You cried out in tiny disappointment. 

"You told me not to get ideas. First I'll learn about you. Properly. Then, when my brain gives me the green light, I guarantee you my body won't hold back. Just, give me time, ____.” He explained, controlled and at the same time empathetic.

You nodded in understanding, caressing his face and pressing a kiss to his chest. "I wanna kiss you again though."

"Don't worry, baby, we'll have the chance later. Let me calm myself down first." He replied, adjusting you in his lap, trying to separate you enough for decency. 

You were glad that at least the dampness between your thighs was matched by the severity of his hard on. 

"What do you say, I go to the bathroom, recompose myself real quick while you choose something to watch?" 

You agreed. 

Date five finished with a sweet kiss at the doorstep as he left after the film you watched together. 

However the following morning you found a lengthy paragraph in your chat with Namjoon containing a detailed description of his intentions towards you. Let's just say you were glad for the girthy, buzzing friend you keep in your bedside table and for its assistence as you read his text and crumbled, calling his name. 

[smolie]

in december i wrote a 2020 year music review for myself that i intended to post here BUT...because i was infamously restricted twice last year, i didn’t bother since you wouldn’t be able to read it anyway because it was not possible to view my blog hjfdhfd

now that my restricted era is (hopefully forever) over i just want to post it here for the sake of completion since i want to do the same thing this year

this is really long so if you actually read it ... idk you are insane in the membrane and i love you... but i genuinely don’t expect anyone to read this hjfdhjf i just like reflecting on the music i have listened to and be able to look back on what i enjoyed in certain stages of my life! okiiii bye 💗

january

mac miller - circles (album) it’s a bit funny that i worried putting my thoughts down about this album and now it turns out to be first on the list, chronologically of course … oh bittersweet irony </3 listening to this album is such a double edged sword, either way i am always hit with a truckload of feelings when i turn to this release.

this album came to me in a time of my life where i was slowly but surely sliding down towards rock bottom again just after i got out of it and thought i was okay. the times i’ve listened to this crying in the bathtub with a glass of wine….girl let’s not lol…. it’s almost strange how much i can relate to the thoughts another person brought to paper. the comfort this album brings me is otherworldly, i feel so understood by mac’s words and it’s my go-to “wallow in self-pity for a bit then come out stronger than before” album. then again, i feel a little sting when any of mac’s songs come on shuffle. a friend of mine said she cannot listen to artists who have passed because it feels too strange and most of the time i agree but this time, it’s so so different. this album would have been mac’s salvation, i can feel it. everything would have been a bit brighter and lighter for him after this, it would have had to be. i feel like i would do him a disservice if i did not listen to this album, so i will cherish this final gift from him as his legacy and my comfort. i miss him incredibly and am all the more thankful he shared his heart with us.

album favs: circles, good news, surf

tiny meat gang - broke bitch (single) MAN I TELL THAT BROKE BITCH IF YOU WANNA GET IN TUNE BETTER CHANGE YOUR WHOLE PITCH LIKE WOAH !!!!!!!!!! did that give you whiplash? hehe funny to say this about a song called broke bitch by a duo called tiny meat gang but this song actually means a lot to me! it came out shortly before their show in berlin and i almost exclusively listened to it on my 7+ hours train ride from one side of the country to the other to see my meat boys. this played out of the fat ass speakers at the venue when they stepped on the stage and i will never forget meeting them :’) also the song fucking slaps obviously

february

loona - [#] (mini album) ah yes, the most controversial loona release to date! i’m not gonna lie and say this sounded anything like i expected it to. but also, i have come to terms with the fact that loona release noise music now and personally i am here for it. why not did not have the endless energy of hi high or otherworldly vibe of butterfly, but it’s a hype song and i am always there for hype. i also have to say the b-sides were not as strong for me as on previous releases but i think i have to come to peace with the fact that loona will never top their debut mini for me. though if i can wish for one thing…… let loona have title tracks with a chorus in 2021? pls? crumbs?

album favs: so what, oh (yes i am)

tame impala - the slow rush (album) *lights cigarette* i’m listening to pretty underground music….i don’t think you’ve heard of this band….they are called tame impala *intro of the less i know the better starts playing* yes i am a basic white bitch and listen to like 3 alternative bands but damn i listen to them religiously. like any other basic bitch on this planet i found out about tame impala through the less i know the better and checked out their music. i wasn’t too much into this album as i was into currents but towards the end of the year, i was in a moody alternative music slump that took me back to this album and i like it a lot more now! most importantly, tame impala fulfills my primitive urge to listen to songs that exceed the 4 minute mark. something clicks in my brain when i see a song that is like 6:34 and chances that it ends up as one of my faves on a album are high. i enjoy tiktok like everyone else but this trend of 2:50 long songs needs to be stopped immediately.

album favs: borderline, lost in yesterday, it might be time, is it true, posthumous forgiveness

honorary mentions: onlyoneof - dOra maar, everglow - dundun

march

nct 127 - neo zone (album) ah, yes. the album that fundamentally changed me as a person <3 i’ve been listening to nct for a while, matter of fact i checked my top tracks 2019 playlist on spotify and cherry bomb was on there lol. i remember trying to get into them in 2018 when they released their regular-irregular album but the endless member & unit concept scared me off, so i only listened to a handful of songs without looking into them march 2020, the fateful month in which they released kick it and screencaps of jaehyun’s sexy ass tiddies in the kick it mv landed on my tumblr or twitter and i HAD to look up who this man is…...remember when i thought jaehyun was my ult for like, 2 weeks? me neither, johnny suh only in this house <3

anyway, i checked out this album and by god, is this pure kpop perfection. last time i listened to a god tier no skip album like this was … maybe the perfect red velvet? hype songs, well crafted ballads, love songs that make me wanna learn the lyrics, genuinely fun and interesting pop songs, this album has it all. somehow, the way this album is crafted greatly reminds me of brown eyed girls’ sound-g, it has the same vibe, concept and mix of genres to me, i���m not entirely sure how to explain. anyway, this album is one of my favorites of all time and even though i’ve obsessively listened to it (lastfm says 1.4k scrobbles as of today, december 7th…) i am still not tired of this. i recommend this to anyone who loves kpop tbh, you will have a good time with this!

other than being just a musically solid album, the emotional ties i have with this are …. isabel stop making albums your emotional support 2021 challenge. i’ve listened to this release all spring lockdown, this basically played at every waking hour for all of march and april. the promotion time of this era and lockdown are deeply intertwined for me and so i am always remembered of all the nct content i consumed during that time which inevitably cheered me up so much. this album really means a lot to me :’)

album favs: kick it, mad dog, love song, boom

honorary mentions: itzy - wannabe,

the weeknd - after hours (album) my dear melchanoly, was one of my favorite releases of 2018, so i had been desperate for a new release by abel and boy did he not disappoint. the perfect thotty, dirty emo 80s, making it clap while crying in the club album! this is a no skip from top to bottom and all i can say is that the grammys can go to hell <3 abel aoty! there is really not much i can say about this album, the flawless production, lyrics and sound speak for themself. my only criticism is that i feel overwhelmed by 14 songs, especially when some of them are really long. a few songs greatly overshadow the weaker tracks on the album for me but i still love this to death.

album favs: escape from LA, blinding lights, after hours, faith

dua lipa - future nostalgia (album) after the weeknd’s masterpiece of an 80s inspired pop album i was really looking forward to this. i greatly enjoyed the pre-releases, i played don’t start now and physical up and down, they are still some of my favorite songs released this year! when i first listened to the album i really liked it, songs like boys will be boys or pretty please sound like fillers to be but the rest is solid. yet a month after release you couldn’t catch me listening to this and i cannot even really tell you why. i think it was a combination of the following: 1) i greatly overplayed dsn and physical to the point where i didn’t want more of the pop 80s sound that the album has 2) there were other releases at the time that caught my attention and interest more like neo zone or after hours 3) dua herself….girl….she really gave it her all this year to make herself as unlikeable as possible. nationalist propaganda and the constant traveling during a fucking pandemic were really the kicker. i can barely stand seeing her on my instagram feed anymore, much less listen to her album. her having the nerve to go “we’re in a pandemic lol” when people asked about an animated music video …. if you don’t shut the hell up lmao … also, she takes the crown for the corniest album opener of all time. i nearly closed spotify when i heard future nostalgia (the song) lmao

album favs: don’t start now, physical, levitating, hallucinate

honorary mentions: megan thee stallion - savage

april

apink - dumhdurum (song)

listen, i’m not gonna sit here and pretend like this mini album interested me in the slightest but god, the title is such a banger.i’m so sick, eung eung and dumhdurum are a holy trilogy that i will defend until the end of time! i really hope apink stick to this mature, elegant concept, it suits them so well and goes well with their new sound. come back soon queens <3

rina sawayama - xs (song) i feel like i’m gonna catch some hands here … xs is an absolute banger, the guitar riffs and disruptive sounds really get me going every damn time! but the rest of the album … tell me why it doesn’t catch me?! i literally cannot explain. i need to take an hour, sit down and do nothing but listen to the album from top to bottom once again and see if my thoughts change but right now i only care about xs.

chungha - stay tonight (song) drama! vocals! dance break! choreography! this release served it all. i listened to this obsessively during the time of the release and it still holds up today. can we talk about the run chungha had with gotta go > snapping > stay tonight? lord have mercy.

honorary mentions: april - lalalilala, nct dream - ridin’

may

lady gaga - chromatica (album) the immense disappointment i have in this album is tough to put into words lol. any other artist might have gotten away with this release but gaga having the discography that she has, well … she doesn’t get away with it. this has underwhelming all over it. i enjoyed the pre-releases and my hope was high but the rest just doesn’t live up what i expected, i can’t even say why. it’s just underwhelming pop for someone of gaga’s calibre. i listened to this album during release week and then never again till december to write this list and i can see why.

album favs: rain on me, sour candy ft. blackpink, stupid love

baekhyun - delight (mini album) it’s confession time … this is a name i never would have expected on any of my music lists to end up. exo has always been one of those boy groups i casually listened to. i greatly enjoy their title tracks and a handful of side tracks, i have a few members that i keep an eye on more than others but that’s about it. baekhyun was never one of those members i had any interest in, matter of fact i always thought he was kinda vanilla and boring 😭 i didn’t even plan on listening to this release if it wasn’t for his association with superm and thus nct, so i gave it a shot and we have no choice but to stan. his voice is like butter and can cut sharp at the same time, his versatility is insane. i dived a bit more into baekhyun related content and he is so likeable, it’s almost ridiculous. this production is absolute god tier, not a single skip on this mini. late spring/early summer i had this weird urge to listen to songs with mellow voices but still a banger instrumental and i wholeheartedly blame this release. matter of fact, this album is so good, i had to buy a physical copy. Y’ALL. THIS IS A BIG DEAL. i haven’t bought a kpop album of anyone that’s not holy top 3 (brown eyed girls, loona, nct) in like … idk, 5 years?! baekhyun’s impact. i’m a fan now <3

album favs: candy, r u ridin’?, love again

ak aussenkontrolle - in meinem benz (song) this … is very unrelated to this entirely list but i had to put it on here. i miss my ex boss and our 3 hour drives to meetings in the south of the country where we would blast trashy german rap music </3

nct 127 - neo zone: the final round (repackage) *airhorns* REEEPACKAGE TIIIIIME!!! my first nct era that i experienced from start to finish! i remember watching nct 127’s beyond live with luna where these mfs performed punch and we finished the concert having no idea what this song sounded like. the structure is so unusual and the intro catches me off-guard every time just to hype me up beyond compare. not gonna lie, the fact that johnny has exactly one (1) line hurts but! it’s my favorite line of the entire song! possibly related to the fact that it’s his line but let’s ignore that ….

album favs: punch, make your day

kim woo seok - red moon (song) i’m not even gonna lie to you. i have not a single idea who this man is. you could put him right in front of me and i wouldn’t know … all i know is that he has a banger song. i saw him perform this on a music show that i watched for nct and i ended up loving the song … thanks for your service sir, whoever you are ...

june

stray kids - go live (album) 2020 was kind of the year of boy groups for me, i’m so sorry … stray kids promoted simultaneously with nct 127 so i ended up hearing their title track and holy hell, is that a song. god’s menu is hype from start to finish. it reminds me of good ol’ 2nd gen noise boy group song a lá b*g b*ng fantastic baby. just pure hype and fun noise. i am forever grateful to witness the birth of the line cooking like a chef, i’m a five star michelin. the title track impressed me so much that i ended up checking out the entire album which i rarely ever do with boy groups and what is even rarer is that i enjoyed the b sides lmao!!! it’s not an album that i would put on and just enjoy from start to finish but it has some really solid tracks! this release made me want to keep an eye on stray kids, they seem like a really fun bunch.

album favs: god’s menu, TA, airplane

seventeen - left & right (song) the boy group run continues … same thing with stray kids, seventeen promoted during punch era so i heard their song while watching some music station show for nct and i heard this and was sold. solid, fun pop with the catchiest pre-chorus in history and a banger chorus. i listened to the entire mini and can’t say it really caught my interest so this is a title track only release for me.

dishonorary mentions: twice - more & more (i hate this song so much lol)

honorary mentions: ryu sejeong - tiger eyes, monsta x - fantasia, chloe x halle - do it

july

irene & seulgi - monster (mini) this is a weird release because it’s good. the title track is fun enough, the b sides are dope. but my issue with this is that it’s nothing new. this sounds exactly like a red velvet release. i get that they didn’t want to a  joy, seulgi, irene, yeri release only and went for the sub-unit route instead, but why not be experimental and stray away from the usual sound of the group? also, whoever made monster and not naughty the title track deserves to be spat on. at least the choreography here is more interesting and “experimental” for kpop standards. also, why only a seulgi solo and no irene? i have no idea how reveluvs reacted to this release but this has rushed written all over it.

album favs: monster, naughty (i’m counting this to the mini idc), uncover

exo-sc - 1 billion views (mini) doing my part as a filthy casual exo listener. this release goes in the same category as baekhyun’s delight where i like the album so much that i HAD to get a physical copy. i don’t know what they put in the title track for it to be so diddly darn addictive but it clearly worked. the only bad thing about this release is how criminally mismanaged it was by sm, when i get you lee sooman ...

album favs: 1 billion views, on me, say it

baekhyun - garden in the air (song) i told you i’m a loyal baekhyun fan now <3 king releases and i listen, that’s just how it goes now! this is a cover of a boa song and i really love his version. there is not much to say except that it’s a really smooth song and his voice absolutely carries the track. i enjoyed this much more than i thought i would!

hyoyeon - dessert (song) YOU KNOW WHAT I DESERVE??? DESSERT!!!!!!! *insert tik tok challenge here* imagine if miryo featured on this instead of the ethnic hip girl … why can’t we have nice things. anyway, a banger!

johnny - sunny side up episode 1 set (spotify playlist, actual set) johnny being the skilled, talented, multi-faceted king that he is has been dj-ing since before debut (not me acting like i was around at that time lmao) and thus he decided to bless our quarantined, lockdowned asses with an online dj set! that was the most turned up sunday morning i ever had in my entire life. this set kicked off an edm/house/techno affinity that i had for the following couple of weeks. this set is an absolute banger, i would go insane to this in the club. he has an amazing ear for transitions and drops and i still just put on this set on the regular when i have cleaning to do or so. he could fill the void that rona and thus no clubbing in 2020 left in my heart and i’m so happy he decided to share this with us <3 now … john … sunny side up episode 2 pspspspspsps

honorary mentions: gfriend - apple, jessi - nunu nana

august

cardi b ft. megan thee stallion - wap (song) late summer 2021. we are vaccinated, icu beds are free, barely any new cases, clubs are open, this song plays and i can finally make it fucking clap.

troye sivan - in a dream (mini album) a cute mini album! nothing life-changing or as exciting as previous releases but easy (haha!) to enjoy. i really, really enjoy easy, can always count on troye for a dreamy sound.

album favs: easy

honorary mentions: itzy - not shy

september

wonho - love synonym pt. 1: right for me (mini album) honestly? i know like, 3 monsta x songs. i never bothered to get into them and maybe i never will, but it was difficult to ignore the whole wonho & monsta x mess that went on. i have absolutely no memory of why i decided to check out this release, i guess i was curious what he was going to do and … i was positively surprised lol. open mind is the exact time of song i had been so desperate all summer (remember mellow vocals with banger instrumentals? yeah) and uhm … can’t ignore the obvious … mr wonho is fucking fine. sir, you just gained a fan … now, where is love synonym part 2?? huh?????

album favs: open mind, i just, losing you

joji - nectar (album) this one is on tiktok. i heard gimme love in a bunch of tiktoks and had to look up the song and here we are. what an album! it came right as seasonal depression started to hit and accompanied me for a good chunk of autumn. at this point one has to ask if joji can ever really miss? the entire album is a no skip, it’s almost difficult to narrow down my favorites if my favorites weren’t so damn god tier!!!

album favs: gimme love, ew, tick tock, pretty boy, your man

super m - tiger inside / 100 / drip (songs) okay, listen. technically tiger inside & 100 were already released in august. instead of those three songs i was gonna write about the entire album until i realized i really don’t give a fuck about it 😭 i really only care about those three songs. and YES, i unironically like 100. is it a good song? no. but neither is jopping and that fucking bangs. i don’t turn to superm for life-changing, profound music, i turn to them for a good time LOL and that’s what they deliver every time! that being said, taeyong’s VROOM VROOM, UHMM UHMM, GRRRAHHHH verse is life-changing and profound! speak your truth king! also i wish drip was a b side for nct 127 that song is so damn sexy

taemin - never gonna dance again act 1 (album) this isn’t kpop, this is taemin pop. taemin never misses and the fact that hw*s* won dance performance over taemin is a literal hate crime. i will never forget the industry for this daylight robbery … anyway, nice album!!!!

album favs: criminal, black rose, waiting for

stray kids - in life (repackage) *airhorns* REPACKAGE TIIIIME 2.0!!!! i was on the edge of my seat waiting what stray kids were going to deliver after i greatly enjoyed god’s menu. i was still not over listening god’s menu when the repackage came out so i didn’t listen to it right away and now i greatly regret the few days i could have listened to back door earlier </3

album favs: back door, any

jackson wang - pretty please (song) i’m not gonna pretend like i ever listened to a song by jackson ever before. he is short king from got7 in my head and that’s all! i don’t even remember why i listened to this song but all i know is that it slaps severely. i love the wong kar wai inspired music video and the choreography is fun too! i’m gonna check out more of his music <3

honorary mentions: fromis9 - feel good, knk - ride

october

blackpink - the album (album, duh) i don’t even know what to say about this … this might be the weirdest release on the list for me. there are song i absolutely fucking hate (ice cream …) and songs i get my life to (pretty savage) on here and the discrepancy just gives me massive whiplash. i would never put this album on and listen to the whole body of work, i just cannot with the brain damage it gives me. i am still stuck in 2016, begging for bp to release music like whistle/boombayah/stay/playing with fire but i think i need to give up on that wishful thinking … i am just grateful we a got a title track with actual lyrics in the chrous for once.

album favs: pretty savage, lovesick girls

nct - nct 2020 resonance pt. 1 (album) this era was … a ride. nct 2020 happening was near inevitable but with covid it got pushed back so far, i started to believe it wasn’t even going to happen. i was semi-terrified of what was going to happen during a comeback with 21 (now 23!!) member group since i only experienced nct 127 comebacks so far and uhh … a LOT happened lmfao but let’s keep this about the album … i had no idea what was going to hit me. johnny having effectively 3 lines in nct 2018 did not give me much hope and after he got denoted to no line treatment in punch again, i was ready to not even have any expectation but this release changed everything. make no mistake that most of my favorite songs are units with johnny, we knew that was gonna happen lmaooo they dropped the teaser video for misfit and i thought i had my favorite song in the bag and then faded in my last song happened. y’all. JOHNNY SINGS? LIKE? ACTUALLY SINGS? DOESN’T GET FORCED TO RAP OR TALK-SING? MY MAN’S VOCALS??? OH MY GAAAAHD! this song is dramatic, theatrical, emo, it serves vocals and rap, it has catchy english and korean lyrics, this is THE song, the ULTIMATE song. i love this song so much, i want to belt it on top of my lungs in the pouring rain. apart from fimls, i also loveeee misfit, that was to be expected after i was going completely insane over the track video. johnny has like 3 lines but again they are iconic (WARNIN’! NCT WE MOBBIN’!) and i just enjoy the track too much to be upset over that. nectar. holy fuck. nectar!!!! wayv never disappoints with their thotty songs, they now have an absolute god tier hoe-ly song trinity with love talk > bad alive > nectar. the first chorus and hendery’s first verse (CHOP CHOP CHOP!) get me every time, this song is so insanely good i am severely upset i cannot sing along to it :( music, dance has nct 127 written all over it in bold letters, it’s so inherently 127’s sound!!!! i love this song so much, it’s so fun, upset and has massive dance-ability, i wish we had gotten a stage for it but i guess you can’t have everything in life </3 make a wish……………………………..the cursed unit. i don’t want to say anything about this except that, unfortunately, the song is fun and i enjoy it. the end. overall, this album is so insanely solid. i know i talk about my favorites A LOT but i genuinely do not dislike a single song on here, this is an absolute no skip album! that’s it. see you for resonance part 2!!!!!

album favs: FADED IN MY LAST SONG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, misfit, nectar, music dance, make a wish

loona - 12:00 (mini album) controversial loona release 2.0! i don’t know what it is, but somehow they managed to lace the words di da dam di dam di dam dam dam dam di dam (yeah) with pure crack. i fucking love why not, i would even go as far to say it’s my 2nd favorite title track. that is right, i think it’s better than butterfly (btw: hi high > why not > butterfly > so what). so much was strange this comeback, from the inexplicable concept + teasers, the outfits, the styling (yves….i mourn your hot girl era) but the title track is just SO good, SO fun, SO catchy that i am willing to ignore it all. i also enjoy the b sides much more than on #, they are much more memorable to me. and now … HASEUL RETURN…………….i purely live to see the next loona comeback at this point

album favs: why not, voice, universe

twice - i can’t stop me (song) thank fuck twice released a good song this year. if more & more had been the only 2020 release, that would have been the real tragedy. not gonna lie, i still haven’t listened to the full album, it just keeps slipping my mind. but! i’m going to! until then i’m gonna bop to i can’t stop me.

ariana grande - positions (album) the way this album has people upset is so funny. i am a huge dangerous woman fan myself, it’s my fave ariana album to date but she has said repeatedly that this is not the sound she is striving for. now she has her coin and can do whatever she wants in music and if that is r’n’b then fuck! we have to live with it! lmao! i can live with the sex theme of the album because it’s delivered in a fun way? but it’s getting a bit old...if the next album is about riding dick only too idk how much i would enjoy that. i would probably always come back to ari because i like her voice so much but girl, there are other topics to sing about, i promise! anyway! i like this album, it’s one of those where i can hit shuffle and enjoy it in the background while doing other stuff.

album favs: positions, 34 + 35, love language, my hair, pov

tiny meat gang - sofia (song) ayyy, it’s my meat boys :’) ending the year the same way they started it, with a banger! i absolutely love the guitar instrumental, the melancholic love song type sound paired with the theme of singing about loving a robot … yup, that’s creativity and talent right here! this makes me so freaking desperate for a new ep and i genuinely have no idea how far or close we are to one but!!! i am always waiting!!!

noel - push (ep) this is something i absolutely did not expect. noel (of tiny meat gang!) released his first ep ever and i was absolutely wowed. noel has it all, the voice, the talent, the creativity and all it took him was the confidence to finally put something out and i’m so happy he did. he gets real personal on bus back, more than ever before and i always get a bit emo listening to this track </3 this man is gonna go places and i’m so happy to witness his journey.

album favs: crow, head sunk, bus back

honorary mentions: sam smith - diamonds

november

taemin - never gonna dance again act 2 (album) i’m gonna say it. idea is better than criminal. the chorus drop???? when he goes MY AH AH  MY AH AH MY AH MY IDEA MY MY IDEAAAAAA A-A-A A-A-A???? bitch … tell me you can sit still, i won’t believe you. i like part 2’s title track more, but part 1’s b sides are more interesting to me. either way, taemin delivered as expected!!

album favs: idea, impressionable, exclusive

nct - nct 2020 resonance pt. 2 (album) part two, baby! we made it! part 2 had more mellow, ballad-y songs with my everything, i.o.u. and all about you, overall less drama than part 1 but i still enjoyed it. work it is one of those controversial songs where you despise it with your entire being or you defend this top tier noise till the end and i am absolutely the latter. the agony of not being able to listen to it and seeing the timeline so divided nearly killed me, but i have concluded that people who hate work it have never felt joy in their life <3 honestly my opinion cannot be counted because i eat up anything johnny participates in … biased ass… what i’m not gonna talk about is resonance (the song), this absolute mess of a “remix”. the audacity sm had to release this as a single is insane. anyway!! this era was a rollercoaster ride. all the interactions truly made me interested in members of other units more. hendery (the rise and fall …), yangyang my beautiful son, jeno aka blue hair guy, chenle the chaos kid and xiaojun after he made make a wish his bitch in particular! all the interactions between the units were so fun to witness and it was fun while it lasted but i am … so glad it’s over lol. i miss nct 127, i miss some peace, i hope the boys get to rest for a bit and so does my bank account.

album favs: work it, 90s love, i.o.u., raise the roof

miley cyrus - plastic hearts (album) not in a thousand years would i have expected a miley release to be on here. this girl does everything to be absolutely unlikeable in my eyes but after severely banging out to her heart of glass cover, i was really excited for this and it did not disappoint. what is disappointing is that it took her so long to find a sound that fits her like a glove. i believe many people miss out on this release after her previous history and i nearly would have done the same. this alt/rock influenced pop does her voice so many favors and i really hope she sticks to this direction, i love this album greatly!!

album favs: heart of glass, midnight sky, night crawling ft. billy joel, wtf do i know

kai - kai (mini album) just. imagine debuting with an album like that. lol. what a god tier big dick move. we all knew whatever this release was gonna be, above all it was going to be sexy and boy were we RIGHT!!!! mmmh is exactly as thotty as i needed it to be and the b sides give me everything from r’n’b to trap. i love this release and i love that it’s only the beginning of kai! like!! he is only gonna gain even more experience and become even more powerful!! what the fuck!!!!!

album favs: mmmh, ride or die, hello stranger, nothing on me

honorary mentions. gfriend - mago

december

nothing? wtf?? 😭 no interesting release happened,,,,half the time i listened to christmas songs anyway lol

pre 2020 releases i only found this year

mgmt - little dark age (album, 2018) & oracular spectactular (album, 2007) another tiktok serve. i found little dark age through a tiktok trend and ended up really liking mgmt. they fit perfectly into my autumn/winter moody alt/rock mood that i had going on and i’m happy they have so much more music that i can check out!

artist favs: little dark age, electric feel, time to pretend

tame impala - currents (album, 2015) everyone’s favorite basic alt bitch album! i enjoyed this more than the slow rush for a good chunk of time, it also fit right into my alt rock autumn mood. i really love this album, like previously mentioned it has my favorite long ass tracks on there but also a good amount of short or medium long tracks. i’m still busy enjoying currents and the slow rush but i can’t wait till i finally take the leap to dive into their other releases because i’m loving everything i’ve heard so far.

album favs: the less i know the better, let it happen, new person same old mistakes

joji - ballads 1 (2018) after liking nectar so much, checking joji out was a given and i just love this album. only when i listened to this i realized i heard slowly dancing in the dark a few times on tiktok lmao that cursed app man … i would say i love nectar a bit more but this is still a fantastic album!!

album favs: slowly dancing in the dark, attention, test drive, yeah right

jus2 - focus (mini album, 2019) in my “mellow moody bangers” phase i was scouring playlists for more songs and i think i found focus on me first which fitted right into the niche i was looking to fill and i ended up enjoy this whole release! only later i realized this is a sub-unit from got7 lmao how come i enjoy solo or unit releases by got7 members but their group discography never interested me? anyway, very sexy ep!

album favs: drunk on you, focus on me, love talk

knk - sunset (song, 2019) part of my mellow bangers playlist. very sexy, i can imagine this as a runway song! i have no idea who knk are but given the fact i enjoyed two of their songs so far maybe i should look into them lol

baekhyun - city lights (mini album, 2019) i am repenting for my sins of missing out on baekhyun releases by consuming his music at an exorbitant rate. un village is one hell of a title track that i didn’t appreciate before, but i feel like in 2020 my music interests started to vary and i love the groovy r’n’b and string sound of this song so much. i also love stay up to death, the vocals baekhyun serves here are unreal. his BABY WE CAN STAY UP!!!!!!! gets me every single time!!!! what a mini!

album favs: un village, stay up

mac miller - swimming (album, 2018) i’ve listened to this album before 2020 but i had the urge to put this on here. this is going to sound so corny, but if i had to pick one song to be my life’s title track, it would be ladders. the hope this song gives me is unreal, it feels like a light at the end of the tunnel. this album is so fantastic, i love the upbeat instrumentals paired with sometimes gloomy lyrics are so incredible, mac was truly one of the greatest artists of our time. this album is  so outstanding and i miss him every day.

album favs: ladders, jet fuel, 2009, self care, perfecto

doja cat - hot pink (album, 2019) i can never decide if i like doja or not but the album slaps lol that’s it come on tiktok queen

album favs: say so, juicy, like that, streets

my fav 2020 playlists

slapping mellow

neo culture technology

malcolm

why go to therapy when this playlist exists?

top songs 2020

(by spotify)

[siriusist]

Fun Facts about Elton John’s autobiography ‘Me’ I learned from reading literally only one third of the book so far:

Elton took his last name from Long John Baldry rather than John Lennon. Which I know was changed in Rocketman because Elton had a strong friendship with John Lennon, but goddamn that movie would have been 1000000000 percent more gay and fabulous if Long John Baldry had been in it bluesing it up and telling Elton that he’s ‘more in love with Bernie than with her,’ when engaged to his first landlord.

Elton and Bernie didn’t have a cool ass American Jeep import like in the movie: Instead, they had their shit taken out in Elton’s stepdad’s white van when he told his landlord he was gay, which Elton admittedly said was less sexy than the imagery in ‘Someone Saved my Life Tonight’ that Bernie replaced with a sexier car. 

Also Fred was called DERF by Elton because it’s Fred backwards and this movie would have been infinitely better if Elton called Fred DERF.

He hung out with Keith Moon and bought a gigantic thirty foot dinosaur from Ringo Starr to help him sell his house because strangely a thirty foot dinosaur was putting people off.

Katharine Hepburn came to swim at his pool and he was freaking out but then he freaked out more when she asked him to come remove a dead frog from the pool because he ‘doesn’t deal well with that sort of thing’ and after hemming and hawing at the waters edge and trying to get something to remove it Katharine just reached in and snatched it out because she was tired of dealing with a #littlegayboy and like the #badasslesbian she is

Also he bought a Melburnian tram on a cocaine binge. Like, an actual working tram from Melbourne. BLESS.

Also he wondered why teenagers were screaming about him and wondered if they took a wrong turn at a David Cassidy gig.

There was also a moment where hundreds of doves were supposed to be released from five pianos in a concert he had spelling out his name on the pianos as they opened, one for each letter, but the poor doves were too terrified to leave so apparently John Reid like the dickhead he is took it as a personal slight and started yelling at the fucking doves like a crazy person and Bernie had to ‘sheepishly’ run on stage and pick up single doves and toss them into the air, and if that isn’t a fucking #husband/wingman I don’t know what is

Bernie also lost his shit at Elton singing his heartfelt lyrics while wearing a Santa codpiece

There’s apparently a song about the murder of a sixteen year old lesbian on Goodbye Yellow Brick Road called ‘All the Girls Love Alice’

His mum watched ‘Deep Throat’ on the plane he purchased from Led Zeppelin simply because she wanted to know ‘what the fuss was about’ and was simultaneously repulsed, horrified, and intrigued 

Stevie Wonder visited him when they were recording Caribou in Colorado and borrowed a snowmobile to go snowmobiling and even Elton was like TO PREEMPT YOUR QUESTION, NO, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW HE DIDN’T KILL HIMSELF

Also on one of his cocaine binges he went on stage with The Rolling Stones and was meant to be on stage for a couple of songs, but then basically stayed on and started ad-libbing through the whole set. At the time, he was like, THEY WERE LOOKING AT ME IN AWE, but in retrospect, realised that Keith Richards was basically giving him a death stare to GET THE FUCK OFF THE STAGE

Freddie Mercury basically complained about Brian May’s professorial straight man sense of style and joked about the horror of ‘getting a guitarist who wears clogs’

Him and Bernie were besties with Billie Jean King and if that isn’t the gay-lesbian alliance we all deserve I don’t know what is

He also tried out a new guitarist in the mid-70s that talked about fucking chickens up the ass and then cutting off their head at climax and how he basically was a fucking serial killer

His new bass player was also sleeping with poor Bernie’s wife at the time aka ‘Tiny Dancer’ aka DON’T YOU DARE CHEAT ON BERNIE TAUPIN LIKE THAT BERNIE TAUPIN IS LOVE BERNIE TAUPIN IS LIFE

Also in case you were ever wondering, Elton himself basically said the one reason he basically didn’t get AIDS during the 1970s/ into the 1980s AIDs Pandemic is because he actually doesn’t like ‘fucking’ that much; he just likes watching hot people make out and take photos and then shove them off furniture when they’re going to cum on expensive furniture because he’s ‘house proud,’ and I feel like he answered a lot of questions with this

He also fell in love with straight men which means pining over straight men most of the time so that probably took up a large portion of the 1970s Elton you sad gay sack of poo

He also listened to 10CC’s ‘I’m Not in Love’ so much like the dramatic piece of shit he is his band presented him with a gold record for ‘one million listens’ as he mooned over straight men

ELTON

STAWP

And to cleanse that stupidity out of your head I’m going to leave you with the purest thing so far which is Bernie wrote Elton a song exclusively about him being afraid about the press asking about his sexuality before he came out called ‘All The Nasties’ on the ‘Madmen Across the Water’ album, and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard and you should go listen to it now because BERNIE TAUPIN IS A WRITING GOD OKAY 

[sherryaptx4869]

Jealous

Read here.

November 17. 8:30pm

“Momo listen to me, I’m your mother!”

“We already had this conversation Mother! I don’t want to hear you speaking ill of Shoto again. You have to understand that he is my boyfriend.”

The usually quiet Yaoyorozu estate is now filled with tension as Momo’s mother tried to dissuade her for the nth time from dating Endeavor’s son. Endeavor is infamous for his land grabbing activities under the guise of loaning farmers in the rural areas at high interest rates. When the farmers are unable to pay their loan, the lands are seized and converted for commercial uses. As such, being acquainted with Endeavor will potentially hurt the Yaoyorozu businesses much more that their children are exclusively dating.

Her mother sighed.

“I know that I’ve been hounding you about dating that Todoroki boy but at least hear me out.” Her mother sat at the edge of the bed while Momo is at her study table.

The scraping of chair added more tension as Momo suddenly turned to face her mother. “That Todoroki boy has a name, Mom. His name is Shoto. I could bring him over for dinner but you and Father have your endless excuses to pass up the opportunity to really get to know him.”

“I know I didn’t give him a fair chance but please hear me out.” Her mother repeated.

Momo finally stood up and crossed her arms while signalling her mother to continue speaking.

“I would love to see you happy, believe me. All mothers know what’s best for their children.”

“I’m not a child anymore mother in case you’ve forgotten.” Momo interjected.

Her mother has already resumed her authoritarian stance and one look from her is enough to make Momo shut up and listen.

“I would allow you to date that Shoto on one condition.” She paused looking at how Momo’s eyes widen in anticipation and her mouth curled up in a smile.

“At least don’t outright reject any potential suitor from our business circle your dad and I introduce you to.”

“I would like you to meet new people. This is not just to detach ourselves with bad publicity by association with Endeavor’s family name although that too is a concern.” She saw Momo hide her snicker at her statement and she is afraid Momo will miss her point.

‘Shoto did not choose Endeavor to be his father either,’ Momo thought.

“Momo dear child, I want you to know what you really want. Widen your horizon, meet new people before you at least settle for Shoto.”

“Mom, just because I don’t meet new people doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want. With Shoto, I can be me. I can be happy with him and I love him. I’m not defending him and our relationship just to spite you but because I really love him.”

Her mother pulled Momo to sit with her and placed her arms around Momo in a comforting embrace.

“Just this once Momo okay? I want you to go out on a date with the son of our business partner. After that, you’re free to be with Shoto if you still feel that way about him.”

---

November 22. 9:00pm

“Kyoka, should I tell Shoto about this compromise that I had with my mother?” Momo asked Jirou while they were drinking together.

“Of course! But who in their right minds will allow their girlfriend to go on a date with some other guy?” Kyoka said as she downed her glass.

“Hmmn, you’re right. My mother really wanted to see me off with a guy of her choice. Good for the business blah blah blah…” Momo said as she also downed her drink. Why weren’t they allowed to have a normal love story? She loves Shoto he loves her too. It’s not that complicated isn’t it?

She grabbed her jacket and her purse from the bar, “Let’s go. I need some fresh air to clear my head.”

---

November 22. 9:45pm

“Hi Shoto, I just got home. Kyoka and I had light drinks together and she drove me home,” she messaged Shoto.

“Good to know you’re safely home. I’m still at the gym, I have two more sets to finish before I head home.” Shoto sent her a selfie while he chugged his water.

“Don’t overwork yourself. Text me when you get home.” Momo replied.

“My unit is just two floors down Momo 😍

You better get some rest. I love you!”

As soon as he hit reply, Momo replied with I love you gif. He heard his phone pinged again.

Momo sent a picture of her under the covers likely going to sleep.

These are the pictures he really liked the most. Pictures only meant for his eyes. And he’s not talking about nudes.

---

November 22. 9:50pm

“Wait up, so you’re saying Todoroki doesn’t know Yaomomo will go out on a date with another random dude?” Kaminari asked Kyoka while they were having a video chat after she and Momo went home to their respective houses.

“That’s what I said, dork!” Kyoka answered.

“But why would Todoroki allow Yaomomo to go then?” Kaminari persisted.

“Because he has no idea.” Kyoka rolled her eyes on Kaminari.

“This isn’t right. He has every right to know.” For once, Kyoka agreed with Kaminari.

“But of course he would do something to prevent that from happening right? Then his chances of getting together with Yaomomo will go down the drain if Yaomomo’s parents learned that he prevented her from dating another guy. Apparently, that’s the last guy her mother will introduce to Yaomomo before approving of their relationship,” Kyoka explained.

“But if he doesn’t do something, doesn’t that make him kind of lame? Allowing Yaomomo to be stolen under his nose?” Kaminari suggested.

“You know you’re cute when you’re on point,” Kyoka winked at Kaminari.

“You know I find you cute especially when you compliment me,” Kaminari blew Kyoka a kiss.

---

Momo arrived at the café at the rooftop of the hotel her family owned. She is wearing a black dress her mother insisted on her wearing. It’s from the newest collection of a world renowned fashion brand.

‘Gotta keep the reputation,’ she thought bitterly. She love her parents but them asking her to do this to her beloved Shoto feels like she’s in the middle of two rocks moving against each other. It is painful all right. It feels like she’s betraying Shoto which is and isn’t really the case.

She feels like she is betraying him because she goes on a date with someone not her boyfriend without his knowledge.

She isn’t because she’s only doing this for the purpose of placating her mom to get her off her love life.

Her arrival at the café garnered her several looks. She is absolutely breath taking, a stunner with light make up on and she let her waist-length hair down. She did not really put an effort in dressing up because she only wants to do so for Shoto, but Shoto isn’t even her date tonight. He had no idea about this crazy deal she had with her mother.

She walked to the table where her date is at. “Awase-san?” She inquired.

“Hi, Yaoyorozu-san” he stood up and shook her hand. He pulled the chair facing him and assisted her to sit.

“I’m so glad you took the time off to see me,” he said.

Momo observed he is tall and handsome with a good build from working out. She caught a whiff of his expensive perfume when he pulled the chair for her. Also, he is a gentleman.

“Shall we take our orders?” He waived his hand to signal the waiter to get their orders.

Momo is looking at her phone checking for Shoto’s texts because they haven’t seen each other for two days already. His latest text was lunch time. When she looked up, what greeted her sight shocked her and sent adrenaline pumping through her nerves. Her heart beat faster, like the way it usually is when they’re together.

Dual-colored hair and heterochromatic eyes met her own as he handed them the menu. His hand grazed hers while he did so. She couldn’t read through his poker face. She blinked twice and she saw him suppress a smirk.

She screamed internally, ‘I hope he’s not mad.’ ‘Why is he here of all places?’

Then she saw Kaminari who gave her a sheepish smile. Only then, she remembered Kaminari and Kirishima working part time in this hotel but Shoto? He did not tell her about him filling in, as the café was short on wait staff that day.

Awase-san tried to engage her in small talk but she couldn’t concentrate especially her boyfriend is just at the bar and some college girls batted their false eyelashes and send him flirty smiles.

Awase-san rattled off a list of people she probably acquainted with just to get something in common with the both of them and have something to talk about, but her attention is on Shoto. She tried to look attentive but she is actually staring behind Awase’s head towards the bar where Shoto is at. ‘Did that girl just wrote her number at the back of the note and gave it to Shoto?’

She is momentarily relieved when Shoto left the girl and delivered their orders. He first took out the sandwich, then gave Awase his drink. For hers, he took his sweet time and just when she is wondering if Shoto is up to something, he spilled her tea on the table.

Shoto mumbled a half-assed apology and sank to the floor to wipe up the mess he created. While Awase is talking about how the service staff should do better especially in such an elite environment, Shoto dabbed the cloth he is holding on Momo’s foot. He looked up to see Momo flustered. He repeated it again and Momo tried kicking him to no avail. Awase is still talking. He looked up only to see Momo getting redder, not from anger but those pink tints on her cheek gave Shoto a few more ideas. He dabbed the cloth from her foot to her calf. Momo looked very embarrassed but Shoto knows she’s enjoying this from the way she stopped moving her foot and stopped trying to kick him.

“Are you not finished yet?” Awase reprimanded Shoto.

“In about a minute,” Shoto replied as he made a show of wiping the floor but his other hand is on Momo’s foot.

After wiping the mess on the floor, he went back to the kitchen and washed his hands. Afterall, he has some work to do.

---

November 22. 9:57pm

After Momo sent her selfie, his phone pinged again. He opened the app and saw that the message is from Kaminari.

“Bro, what’s up?” - Kaminari

“I’m working out. Do you need something?” he replied.

“I thought you can fill in for Kirishima at the café tomorrow. He has to study for an exam and we’re short on the wait staff.”

“I have to pass up. I’m taking Momo out on a date.”

“But Kyoka told me her mother pressured Yaomomo to go out on a date with someone to make her mother off your case.”

‘Oh, so that’s why she had been drinking,’ he thought to himself.

He thanked Kaminari for the heads up and affirmed that he will be there.

---

November 23. 6:00pm

He thought it was no big deal for dutiful Momo to fulfil her mother’s wish so they can be together. But when he actually saw Awase looking star struck with Momo’s dazzling beauty, he had to step in. He wanted to punch the lights out of that guy when he saw him ogling Momo. He had to restrain himself. He had to keep a steely façade when Momo looked surprised to see him at the café. How he wanted to take her away from that guy. But she has to fulfil her mother’s wish even when she did not tell him anything about it the night before. He has to do his part and keep his jealousy at bay. He had his eyes trained on them the whole time even if some orders keep on coming. From time to time, he and Momo locks eyes and he mouthed I love you to which she smiled.

There’s also this annoying girl who keeps on engaging him in a conversation that went nowhere because of his monosyllabic replies. It irritates him because he can’t focus on his girlfriend, but his indifference only seemed to encourage the girl more. He couldn’t exactly rebuff her because she is a costumer.

When he looked at the time, thirty minutes had passed since he waited on them. He did not even bother changing out of his waiting uniform. It’s time to step in and end this silly charade. The girl is still blabbing about something but he just left her there. With purposeful strides, he walked to where Momo is.

Momo is just excusing herself to go to the ladies’ room when she saw Shoto walking towards her. She stood up.

Shoto boldly put his hand around her neck and looked into her eyes.

“I counted every moment you’re not with me and I really missed you.” He brushed his lips lightly across her mouth, and stepped back. Momo’s eyes looked teary but she blinked them away.

“Let’s go grab some dinner, I’m famished”, as he interlaced their fingers.

Momo knows where to take Shoto for a delicious meal that night. Before they left, she opted to explain the situation to Awase. “I’m so sorry Awase-san but I have to go now. It was nice meeting you.”

Awase can only nod at the sudden turn of events. So that’s why he felt someone is shooting daggers at the back of his head. He recognized Todoroki Shoto right away when he appeared with a menu on their table earlier. Actually, he also came at the request of his parents, not because he wanted to. Might as well finish the sandwich, it’s so good. And it’s not everyday someone is served by Todoroki Shoto.

---

November 23. 7:00pm

“Please prepare additional tableware. Shoto, Momo’s boyfriend will be eating dinner here tonight.” Momo’s mother instructed the household helps at the Yaoyorozu estate.

[fathertaurus]

Hometown Hookup (Part ½) 🍃

so i wrote this whole thing that i really liked but it got accidentally deleted. so here’s this mess instead. i lowkey hate this piece of writing. rough sex, threesome, etc. anyway, enjoy:

“Did you ask yet?” you whispered in Ilya’s ear.

“No,” he hissed back, peering over his shoulder to make sure no one had heard you. You were in the kitchen of his house. A couple of his friends were there to hang out, but the group had been dwindling as the hours creeped by. The only person you were concerned about staying was David, who was currently alone on the couch with his laptop propped on his legs.

“Later baby,” Ilya whispered into your ear, biting lightly at the helix. “You need to relax.”

“You know that’s not possible,” you laughed, placing your hands against his broad chest. You slid them up to his neck and leaned in to kiss him gently for a moment.

“He’ll be here for a while, just chill. He’s editing right now. I gotta wait until we’re alone to ask anyway. Okay?”

You nodded, reclined against the counter, and returned your beer to your lips. You sipped it while you tried to engage in idle small talk with Ilya’s other friends. Every so often, your stomach muscles clenched in anticipation of what might be coming later that night. You tried to ignore the potential. Shifting your hips uncomfortably at the warmth that pooled below you.

You’d been hooking up with Ilya for a while now, but you were both too busy and too emotionally unavailable to be exclusive. Friends with benefits —that seemed to describe you best. You didn’t mind the arrangement. He could make you laugh and fuck you like no one else. It was ideal. You two were complimentary. He needed someone chill, with a little free time after the work day was through, who was down to drink and talk and mess around. You were there to deliver.

You were compatible in bed too. He had come to know what you liked. The crack of aggression in his voice. The tension in his biceps and chest. The hard smack of his skin against yours. You preferred a little dominance. He was happy to provide.

It was all in good fun, and the whole situation kept you satisfied. Mostly… Lately, you’d been looking for more.

You’d found your plausible fix in the form of his friend. Ilya had introduced you to David last time he was visiting Chicago and you were instantly smitten.

He was cute, in a boy-next-door kind of way. But it was really his charm that was so alluring. He radiated confidence. He was cocky in every word he spoke, every gesture he made, every lilt of his breath seethed with arrogance. You wanted to see what was below the surface of his candor and magnetism. You wanted to push him. To see what he’d do to you when you brought him to the breaking point.

So you’d asked Ilya if he’d be interested in a threesome. It took some convincing, but you weren’t the first girl he’d taken to bed with one of his boys. And David was no stranger to the scenario either. Ilya eventually agreed that next time Dave was in town, he’d see if he was interested.

Which was what led to tonight. You’d been trying to keep a level head. Maintain casual conversation with everyone. Drop a few flirtatious lines to David here and there. Just to test the waters. The only thing you could do now was wait until everyone else left, Ilya’s roommate fucked off, and Ilya could talk to David about your request.

The time felt like it dragged forever, but eventually you found yourself alone with Ilya in the kitchen. His roommate was in the shower. You could hear the steady flow of water echo through the thin walls. It was the perfect time for Ilya to make a move, allowing them a private conversation without any chance of interruption. You pushed him out of the room, toward where David was still stuck editing on the couch.

“Go go go,” you whispered, as you shoved him by the small of his back.

“I got it. Damn, relax.” He shook you off and went to speak with David.

You stayed behind and eavesdropped from the safety of the other room. You could only make out fragments of their conversation. Ilya was asking something about how long it’d been since David got laid. There was a low reply. They both laughed. Ilya said something about stress and his friend overworking himself.

“Bro, all you need is some good pussy. Believe me.” You heard that line loud and clear. A hot blush rose in your cheeks and your stomach burned with nerves. You couldn’t hear most of the conversation now over the blood buzzing in your ears.

“Trust me, she likes it.” Was the only other thing you picked up before their chatter died away. You wondered what agreement they’d come to, but you didn’t have to guess for long before Ilya rounded the corner again. You jumped as he caught you craning to listen.

“So you must’ve heard,” he chuckled at you in a quiet voice, “he’s in.”

You sighed, excited and anxious all at once.

“What now?” you stuttered, your nerves choking you up.

“Meet you in my room,” he murmured, kissing your cheek and grabbing your hips to spin you in the right direction. He smacked your ass lightly as you left him behind.

You had no idea what the fuck you were supposed to do once you were inside Ilya’s bedroom. You sat awkwardly on the edge of his bed and waited for a cue, picking at the nail polish on your fingers. You could hear the sound of beer cans shifting, the shower shutting off, dishes being dropped in the sink, David laughing, footsteps.

Finally, Ilya entered the room alone. You shot up off the bed, confused why he was by himself. But before you could speak he crossed the distance between you and his mouth was on yours. His beard was rough against your cheek as he kissed you deeply, tongue already parting your lips. His hands wrapped around your waist, holding you tightly. He had a strong grip, knowing you liked when he was rough with you.

The tension exhaled from your chest as you indulged in him, skirting a hand up his thigh and over his dick. He was stiff, but not completely. You moaned into his mouth, which incidentally muffled the sound of the door clicking open and closed again.

Ilya bit your lip to break the kiss and suddenly you became aware of David’s entrance. He looked shy, not the egotistical guy you’d come to expect. You hardly had time to take in his expression though, before Ilya was grabbing you by your hips.

He pushed you back on the bed, your hair fanning out as your head hit the soft sheets. Ilya’s scent encircled you as you sunk into his mattress. It smelled like him. Like soap and musk and sleep and cologne.

“Let’s get rid of these clothes,” he jerked his head at David, implying those were his instructions. His voice was calm and steady, broad shoulders rolled back in confidence.

David, on the other hand, was hesitant. He leaned down and gently pulled your shirt up your torso and over your head. You could smell strawberry shampoo on him as he leaned again to unzip your pants, pulling them off your ankles. He tossed them to the floor where he’d discarded your shirt. At last he reached for your bra, but his hand flinched. He pulled away.

“Dude, relax,” Ilya drawled. “I know it’s been a while but you don’t have to be so careful.”

Just to prove his point he reached down and grabbed your arm, pulling you off the bed. He turned you around to face David, holding both your arms behind your back. Ilya traced his lips along your neck, finding your ear and speaking to you in a low growl.

“I think he needs a little guidance. Can you help him baby?” Ilya released you from his grip, the kinetic energy making you tilt forward into David. You wrapped your arms around David’s shoulders as you two collided, planting your lips along his jaw. You could feel the tension in him dissolving as you kissed down his neck, humming a little into his skin.

“I like you a lot David,” you whispered against his throat. You felt him shudder in your arms. “Can I show you how much?”

His Adam’s apple dipped as he swallowed and nodded. You reached for his hand and pulled him to your underwear by his wrist. You brought him past the clothing hem and guided his fingers to your pussy. His long fingers were cold against your burning skin.

“Feel how wet I am?” you smiled. “That’s how much I like you.”

David bit his lip and blushed, an extra coat of pink painting his already flushed face. He still hadn’t spoken a word. You understood his nerves, but this was your arena and all you wanted now was to help him relax too.

You removed his hand from your body and brought your lips to his. You planted soft kisses at first, letting him adjust, and wondering how long it’d been since the last time someone did this for him. You parted your lips, asking for more. One of his hands found your throat and he tiltled his head as he deepened the contact.

You felt Ilya tracing a finger down the curve of your back, as your hand navigated into David’s boxers. He was getting hard in your palm as you began to stroke him slowly. You tried to pace him, knowing he wouldn’t last very long if he was too desperate for it. He bucked up into your grip as you felt Ilya unclip your bra.

You stroked David to the base of his cock and paused, feeling it jerk in your hand. He cried into your kiss, pulling away so he could breath. You returned your lips to the hallow of his jaw while you removed your hand from his pants. Ilya yanked your underwear down at that moment, pulled you away from David by your waist, and tossed you back on the bed. Completely naked now.

David’s eyes were shut tight, his hard cock straining in his pants. His eyelids fluttered open and he glanced around to see why he couldn’t feel your warm body on his anymore. He watched Ilya lean down, part your thighs, and kiss your wet clit. You shifted under his lips while he moved away from your desperate cunt, kissing a pattern from the crook of your hip down your leg.

Then Ilya bit your thigh so hard it left a ring of teeth marks. You yelped in pain, but warm pleasure crept up your leg a second later. He soothed his hand over the indentations.

“Oh shut the fuck up. You’re fine,” he cooed and kissed the marks. His facial hair was rough against the tender skin, but his lips were soft and warm. “I’m just messing with you.”

You both laughed, but your eyes crested over David’s unsteady expression. Ilya, ever sure of himself, dropped his pants and joined you on the bed. He leaned against his pillow, propped up on his elbows, dick tenting his boxers. You didn’t need instruction, simply getting to your knees in front of him, reaching out, and pulling the fabric away to free his dick. It sprung forward, but you shook your head at the temptation.

You didn’t want to take him in your mouth yet. It didn’t feel right. You felt like David needed a little help first. He seemed to be waiting for instructions as he stood aroused and uncomfortable behind you.

“David, would you hold my hair back?” you asked, throwing him a comforting smile.

“Sure,” his voice cracked a bit, but you were happy to finally hear something from him.

Ilya looked confused. He’d probably been expecting his friend to take you from the back while you went down on him —not understanding this hesitation. He didn’t put up a protest though as David entangled his hand in your hair. You could feel the hard metal of his rings against your scalp. Ilya’s cock was level with your lips, but you kept your mouth shut. It was their job to open it if they wanted.

David was the one to do it. You could tell he was starting to enjoy the control over you now. You could feel his dick, stiff in his sweatpants, resting against your arm as he grabbed your jaw. He leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“Open your fucking mouth,” David growled. You’d underestimated him. Your mouth popped open, half in compliance and half in shock.

David left your ear and leaned over Ilya. You could barely comprehend what you were watching as a trail of spit left David’s mouth and landed on Ilya’s cock. Ilya twitched. It seemed like David has broken a layer of intimacy he wasn’t supposed to. He let it drip down the tip toward the base, before finally shoving your mouth down on Ilya. You tried to breath through your nose as David pushed the back of your head.

Ilya groaned as you took him in, David forcing your head all the way down. You gagged as he pulled you back up for air. David leaned down and kissed your temple.

“Good girl,” he purred. “Now clean him up.”

You looked at Ilya’s cock, which was covered with your spit now too. David held your hair back as you leaned down to lick around the shaft. David tilted your head to the base, where you kissed Ilya and hummed against him, making his cock jerk. Then he brought you back to the head of Ilya’s cock. He let you lick around the tip, suck on it a bit before pulling you back so only the tip of your tongue could reach the head.

“Stop fucking teasing me,” Ilya whined, leaning back against the pillow with his eyes shut. “Dude just let her suck my cock.”

You and David shared a laugh this time, as you repositioned over Ilya. David let you adjust before pushing your head down again, pulling you up in rhythm this time as you sucked his friend off. You did your best to take him in, and David had enough mercy not to make you deepthroat Ilya the whole time.

“That’s a good girl,” David cooed to you. He was watching you in awe. “I can’t wait to feel your mouth on me.”

You moaned at his words and Ilya groaned at the vibration on his skin.

“I’m so fucking close,” he breathed out. At that David pushed your head all the way down again, choking you. He pulled you away and kissed your cheek.

“That’s it. You can do it pretty girl. One more,” he whispered to you as he pushed you down again. You felt Ilya twitch against your tongue, orgasm apparoaching, and breath heaving in his chest.

A moment later he cried out, hot cum flooding your mouth and dripping onto your cheek. You lifted anything that missed your tongue to your lips, licking it off your fingers. Ilya laid back, cursing as his dick softened. You smiled and turned to look at David, who was watching you with a feverish look in his eyes.

“Your turn,” you told him.

“Bring it,” he smirked, cocking an eyebrow at you.

[ddaenghoney]

SERIES: HALLOWEEN BETWEEN MIDNIGHTS

Chapter 3.2

On October 1st, you attend a Halloween party in an abandoned house rented by some friends. As scary as the idea of cult owners is, nothing could have prepared you and BTS(regular people) for the mayhem and terror that follows until October 31st.

This is an INTERACTIVE fic. At the end of each part, readers will be able to vote to decide what happens next. Analyze everything(except the time) carefully. Choices decide romance, friendship, and deaths; and yes, ANYONE can die.

In other words, please read at your own risk; anything goes in this story.

Start here | Previous part | Next part

Scowling at the strange inscriptions of geometric form in the wood you stood at the base of, you glared up at Jeongguk’s eager smile at the zany situation from the middle of the ritualistic symbol. The sleeves of his cloak flared out over his hands, the hood nudged improperly atop his head so that bits of his bangs stood up while others smushed against his forehead-- clearly he was enjoying himself, despite the concrete wall behind him with yet another inscription written in, admittedly, a refined script.

Trust in us, whom is you.

Must we do to come true.

You considered the writing to be subpar honestly. If it weren’t for the clean craftsmanship, you would conclude that Taehyung had spent an hour putting that on the wall, but you highly doubted he knew enough about engravings for it to look so orderly.

The man in question, dropped your hand from his hold to wander off to one of the corners, opening some type of chest and digging through its contents.

“Impressive, right?” Jeongguk’s voice held misplaced pride that alluded to him somehow building the room, but you both knew that not to be true, “They really believed in this stuff, huh?”

“Well, yeah.” You looked around, inhaling oxygen dryer than present the story above. Stepping forward as a few others willing to involve themselves in the seance entered in, you avoided placing your feet within the symbol, “Cult, Guk.”

“Yeah, yeah,” He played off the word, believing it to have little more meaning than saying a misguided group of people. “Cult.”

“Want to wear one too, Y/N?” Taehyung’s voice returned to your senses as he dodged around Jeongguk and another person to hold up the black fabric similar to his own, “It’s the only other one we could find.”

“Pass-”

“I’ll wear it,” Seokjin countered in from beside you, enthuse credited for the small giggles of people who clearly only came downstairs as a means to be in the background of his YouTube video. “It’s actually looks kind of nice; the fabric.”

“Gotta be stylish for the demons.” Jeongguk stated absently, thumbs pressing a barrage of text into his phone. “Gets you into the exclusive levels of hell, right?”

“Don’t think that’s what Dante was talking about.”

“Maybe we’ll talk with him tonight to ask-”

You listened in on all the humored and sarcastic chatter around you, wondering shortly why you even began to worry about how Jeongguk and Taehyung were acting. It really was all in good fun to them; the house, the garb, the inscriptions. Neither of them seemed to actually take it more serious than being a theme.

Although you did recall someone else thinking a bit more than that,

“Oh, Tae,” Your thoughts speaking aloud had Taehyung turning from Jeongguk’s phone to look up at you, Jeongguk glancing as well. “Where’s Jimin? He’d be the first one down here, you know?”

“Ah, yeah.” Jeongguk spoke up, his eyes widening at realization. Glancing between each other, Taehyung eventually shrugged, and looked back to you, gesturing for you to come forward with his hand.

“I’m not stepping into this,” Flailing your arms down at the giant inscription of about seven feet in diameter from the the top tip of a diamond design to the bottom, “Thing.”

“Oh come on,” Chuckling at your response, Jeongguk tapped his foot on the space in front of him, once, twice, three times. The dial of the ouija board next to his boot trembled lightly with the force. “It’s not gonna bite.”

“He’s just busy, Y/N,” Taehyung offered, abandoning Jeongguk to appease your statement and meet you outside the inscription. Jeongguk trod along behind him, eyes going back to his phone as he felt a vibration. “He came here with us before everyone else because he wanted to go explore the property.”

“Why are you whispering?” You asked, frowning at his need to keep the information low.

“Well we don’t want everyone going off and looking through the place,” Jeongguk pitched up, equally low in tone, “If anything gets broken, we’d have to pay, you know? Oh--” He smiled to his iPhone, angling the screen for Taehyung to also take a look. Only nodding at whatever he read, Taehyung once again leaned closer to you to remind,

“Remember none of this is real, so don’t get freaked out, okay, hun?”

Although he said that, the way they scampered off and swept out with their arms for everyone to step completely out of the symbols on the ground had you once again finding a hitch in the back of your throat. Seokjin’s cry commentation of the dust in the place and other random points did help to remind you that the level of disconcert among the other students meant nothing serious was about to take place, but as you glanced around again to the few who collected themselves against the wall-- as far as possible, you knew that this type of stuff was eerie.

Beginning in a long rambling about the cult, Taehyung explained meaning behind the wall’s phrasing behind them holding the central idea of what they stood for-- then Jeongguk gut in about how he wrote something similar in a high school English class-- Some parts of the small crowd giggled at the idea. Honestly, you didn’t know much at all about the cult so whatever Taehyung was saying could’ve been made up for the sake of their little performance. Maybe Jimin would have known.

“So this is what you all came for,” Taehyung asserted, crouching to pick up the wooden ouija board and hold it up into the air. A few people around you made dumb comments, and asked under their breath if he bought it from a toy store. “And,” He shrugged, dropping it back to the floor, “Well frankly I think I wasted money buying that, since I got it from Walmart. I doubt the cult wants to communicate through mass production, you know?”

You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms as you watched him slide it with his foot just outside the inscription carved into the floor. Seemed as rehearsed as you expected.

“If there are ghosts,” Jeongguk spoke in, allowing Taehyung to stride away to the tip of the diamond opposite of where you stood. “I’m sure they’d want to chat with us in style, so let’s get on with the real chat, shall we?”

Everyone grew silent as Jeongguk began placing a candle on either of the wide points of the diamond figure, lighting each as he went. As you saw all the other points he could’ve placed candles you grew calmer at the idea that it was just random positioning that he hadn’t studied up on at all. “I guess they like fire? I don’t know, but the movies say so,” He shrugged walking towards Taehyung whom you watched with widening eyes as he pricked a point on his finger to actually use as an offering.

“Gross,” You muttered under your breath, shuddering as Jeongguk collected it in the form of a tissue, now dyed red on an outer edge. And just as unsettled as you began, watching Taehyung immediately stick a colorful bandage around the little appendage had you wanted to chuckle at the ridiculousness. Until Jeongguk’s strides caused him to arrive at your side,

“And what would you like to offer?” He asked holding out a hand, with the outline of a smirk fostering that he hoped would remind you it was all in good, harmless, meaningless, dumb fun.

“Not my blood,” You grimaced, “And why me-” His finger pointed to your placement in the room. Tips of your sneakers just gracing the bottom of the diamond, “I don’t owe the cult anything.”

“So nothing then?” He rephrased, hand moving to take a gentle hold on yours, guiding you just within the lines of the diagram. Wondering if you had anything reasonable to give that you wouldn’t care to lose, you quietly assessed what you’d brought. Definitely not your phone or wallet. The cat tail could be reused in another costume. You could jokingly say your soul, but as jovial as the the seance was becoming, you still felt entirely uncomfortable to utter even the idea. “Yeah. Nothing.”

Smiling at your choice, Jeongguk only shrugged, “Same.” And then he was off to the center of the circle in the middle.

“Okay, so, I’m probably the worst person to lead this since I don’t know anything about demons other than how I act when I don’t get enough sleep,” You listened around at the muffled bits of laughter, recalling the one time you’d woken him up early and knew this statement to be true. “But I took an acting class as a freshman, so I maybe I can pretend well enough to get them to talk to us?”

From the inside of his robe he pulled out a small book with only a small inscription embroidered in that you couldn’t properly see as his hand covered the majority of it. “This book was from the cult-- that’s not a load of crap; we found it cleaning this place up for the party. And, I guess, it was to help guide their rituals. Probably really hard to memorize this stuff, so I get having it written down.” You smiled mustering back laughter at his unamused tone. “Well, anyways, here’s the ritual of communication-- oh,” He tugged on his hood, prompting everyone in the room to laugh at the nonchalant demeanor.

“Siblings of the past,” Jeongguk began, properly saying the words, it seemed, as he went on, “Who are across from us, waiting for us, listening for us; we call out to you.” A small squeal from in the audience caught your attention as you looked toward the candle that Jeongguk had previously set down; now blown out. “Answer us, speak unto us your guidance,” The candles flashed back on, Jeongguk oblivious as he simply spoke out, “Lead us to our calling, lead us down our path. Our path is your path, our path is yours.”

You frowned as the flickering of the candles continued, heartbeat beginning to pick up. They said it was only a joke.

“Siblings of the past,” As he started the chant again, you replayed the words Taehyung said earlier. He wouldn’t lie to you about this being real-- no, you knew it couldn’t be real even if they tried for it to be. None of this was real to begin with, and if Jeon Jeongguk the biggest skeptic on the planet was reading out the chant, even if it were real-- which it was not-- even if it was though, they wouldn’t pop out for him, of all people.

“Our path is yours-”

As the syllable dropped you closed your ears from an eruption of screams as wind blew around the room. The candles flames extinguished again by the magnitude. You could hear the wailing of the air current, and shut your eyes as you just heard a confused mixture of words from everyone around you startled from the change. The only thing that sensibly blew through your ears was Jeongguk’s continuous of the chant, uttered out in the same monotone as he began it in. Wondering how in the hell he didn’t care about the wind, you squinted open an eye to look at him as he simply read along, gaze directed only to the book.

Was he…

“Our path is yours.”

“Woah!” The candles flashed back on as the windows suddenly stopped. Everyone grew quiet, including Jeongguk whose head still stayed in focus of that book. Your mouth opened to speak, but instead you winced, suddenly reaching to take grip on a surge of pain in your shoulder.

“Y/N, are you okay?” An onlooker asked you, somewhere behind you. You bit down on your lip, gripping tighter on the trob you swore beat in the bloodstream along your shoulder, eyes disconnecting from the affliction as you heard your name escape from Jeongguk, quietly.

His stare at you was concerned, the book in his hand taking none of his focus as he stepped forward, “Are you-”

“Taehyung!” Both you and Jeongguk flinched from the exclamation and sudden thump you heard behind Jeongguk. As you tried to adjust your neck to see what was wrong, Jeongguk turned back moving enough for you to both take in the appearance of Taehyung’s body limp face down on the floor.

SINCE THIS STORY RELIES ON READER’S CHOICES PLEASE VOTE EACH PART TO ENSURE YOU HELP GET THE ENDING YOU’RE HOPING FOR. PLEASE ONLY VOTE ONE TIME.

feel free to send me comments, predictions, thoughts, etc. uwu

[harperonni]

Night stroll (Papyrus x Camari)

“She wanted to wake Papyrus. Slip down next to him and tell him she wasn’t okay, that she wanted to be cuddled and held, that she just wanted to hear him talk. Not even assure her, as long as he was talking about something, she’d be fine, she’d be distracted. But that was selfish, wasn’t it?”

I wrote a fic which I’m gonna put under the cut cus I went super overboard and also I haven't written fanfic in like, five years whOOps 

The fic also kind of mentions cigarettes and smoking a bit? It doesn’t really happen but it’s mentioned. Just wanted to let you guys know in case anyone doesn’t want to read something like that aaa

hope you guys like it ^^

The feeling of anxiety pitted in her gut was a common thing, by this point. It didn’t make it easier to deal with, and Camari hated how she still couldn’t shed the doubts away.

She shifted in her bed, pushing her feet up as she frowned up at the plain ceiling in the dark. She couldn’t remember if she had actually slept at all tonight. She kept drifting from feeling sluggish and sleepy to wanting to just kick her feet as fast as she could, or just walk somewhere, anywhere. Anywhere but here at the moment.

She huffed, impatient that sleep hadn’t just come already, and flipped herself over onto her side, bringing two of her cool hands to her right cheek to rest on while and her other arms tucked her two owl closer to her chest. Her covers had slipped off her shoulders and down to her waist however long ago, but she really didn’t care at this point. She felt warm, warm and guilty that a certain thought had currently taken root in her chest.

She really wanted a cigarette.

Well, she didn’t. She really didn’t.

But she did. She knew she did.

Her eyes, having long since adjusted to the shape of the bedroom in the dark, shifted towards the door further down from her place in the bunk bed. When she listened, she could easily hear Papyrus’ soft snores from the bunk below. She listened for a bit, feeling a bit of joy flutter in her chest at the soft ‘Nyeh’s’ that occasionally sounded, and clutched the toy owl closer to her chest.

The got for her on their second date, just because she had rambled about birds so much on their first date. He was practically bouncing when he gave her the minty green thing, and wasn’t exactly subtle about how he had eagerly thought of her when he ever so coincidentally came across the adorable fluffball that just so happened to be in her favourite colour too!!

Her guilt grew, knotting tighter and she was certain sleep was not coming. No matter how much she twisted and curled, she wasn’t going to sleep. Lying to herself that she could wasn’t helping, trying to trick herself into sleeping wasn’t helping. Nothing was helping.

She wanted to wake Papyrus. Slip down next to him and tell him she wasn’t okay, that she wanted to be cuddled and held, that she just wanted to hear him talk. Not even assure her, as long as he was talking about something, she’d be fine, she’d be distracted.

But that was selfish, wasn’t it? Papyrus rarely slept. He didn’t really need sleep (He had said so himself when she once woke up at four am to come downstairs to him getting ready to go jogging), but the very idea that she’d wake him up just to distract herself felt wrong. She shouldn’t have to drag him into her personal troubles, her inability to be as overly social as he was made up for a lot of small talks between them.

She had sat up by now, and only just noticed. Uneasy, Camari wondered if she could slip outside the house. She’d have to pass Papyrus, San and Olivia, along with a couple of creaking doors and stairways.

Sans… Probably wouldn’t question her. She wasn’t sure he’d even wake up. Maybe he was already awake. She couldn’t say for certain, so that in itself was a gamble.

Olivia? She wasn’t easily woken, and Camari knew that for a fact. She was pretty sure Olivia was out cold and the only time she could be roused from sleep was at eight in the morning.

Papyrus… She didn’t really want to think about what he’d say if he knew what she was thinking. Disappointment, for certain. That in itself was keeping her rooted from shuffling out of her own house to fill her lungs with smoke.

She pushed a hand through her hair and pulled at a few knots formed from tossing about so much. She briefly wondered back on cutting it down, annoyed at her fingers getting stuck in the cerulean blue curls, but she knew it wouldn’t matter too much, it grew pretty quickly whenever she did cut it, and she was just irritated at the moment.

She needed…

She didn’t know what she needed.

She wanted to just not be here right now.

Unsettled and shaky, she pushed the sheets further off herself and lay her owl down. She slid herself to the end of the bunk, socked feet peeking over the edge and hovering over the first few steps. She rubbed her top forearms with her second set of hands as the cool of the night got to her. It was summer, it wasn’t cold, but stars was she unnerved. She felt stiff and cold, but she didn’t stop. She hated herself for it just a little bit more.

She lowered herself down the ladder, occasionally glancing toward the skeleton sleeping below.

Her feet pressed into the carpet below as she slowly released the ladder, scared pulling away might cause any kind of noise. Her tail flicked a little as her nerves continued. Her gaze was locked on Papyrus, because if he woke up she wanted to be ready. She wanted to be ready to she she was just getting water, she was fine. Really, she would be back soon.

She felt terrible. She knew it was bad.

Papyrus would be upset if he found out, but it would be worse if she lied and told him she was getting water when really…

But if he didn’t know it wouldn’t matter, would it? Stars, that sounds awful. She reached the door, pulling at the shirt far too big for her entire body. Papyrus gave it to her, and he had one of her shirts. He had worn it yesterday. She briefly wondered if she should change. She didn’t want Papyrus smelling smoke on the shirt he had given her as a sign of intimacy.

‘But Olivia doesn’t know either!’ She reasoned,’It wasn’t like she was exclusively keeping him out of the loop.’

The longer she stayed here, the less time she’d have to sneak a smoke. She pushed herself into the hall, closing the door behind her.

She wasn’t lying if no one questioned her. No one was questioning her right now. Because they were asleep.

She tiptoed down the hall. For her kind, walking on tip-toe was natural, and her tail balanced her. It was great for a dirty liar like herself.

She’s an adult. She shouldn’t be guilty about doing anything. She wasn’t lying, no one asked.

She reached the bottom of the stairs, and the door was right there, a few steps forward, and her coat is right there on the rack, next to one of Papyrus’ coats. The cigarette pack and lighter are in her coat pocket. One of them. Next to his coat. She could feel remorse gnawing at her.

Camari frowns, and forces herself closer. She slips her feet into her boots (next to Papyrus’ boots, and the guilt bites harder than it had before). She pulls her coat off, the coat tailored for all four arms and hands and slips it on. Stuffing her hands into the respective pockets she feels for the respective items.

Her fingers brush the cold surface of the lighter, and in the opposite pocket her knuckle knocks against the card packaging of cigarettes. She releases a soft sigh. She didn’t know what she was thinking, to be honest. That they wouldn’t be there? No one knew though, no one could remove them if no one knew they existed.

But if they had been gone, then someone would have known.

She hurried toward the door, pulling the coat on a little tighter.

It was fine, she made it this far and nothing was wrong. She would be back in a moment and she’d slip back into bed and no one would know-

“Camari?”

Her hand froze mid reach and she stiffened. She twisted around and stared straight up the staircase to see Papyrus watching her. He didn’t look upset, or disappointed even. Maybe just a bit confused and concerned.

She knew it was because he didn’t know. Her knuckle brushed the packet in her pocket and her chest tightened.

She felt sick, and gripped the lighter as though scared it would fly out of her pocket and Papyrus would see and-

Her hand was still hovering above the handle and she rested her fingers against the cool surface, watching Papyrus move down the steps.

He was still in his pajamas, but he looked very awake and aware, and Camari wondered if he had been awake to see her sneak out. He must’ve, how else would he have known? She thought she had been careful...

He stopped in front of her and she realized that she had been quietly staring at him the whole time.

She pushed some loose hair back with the free hand and smiled at him weakly. The hair fell back over her face.

“Heya, Pappy.”

Her voice was just a whisper. Olivia and Sans were down the hall, in their room. Sleeping. She prayed the wouldn’t wake up, it was bad enough that Papyrus was here and that she had to deal with this on it’s own. She wished she wasn’t who she was at this moment. She wished she was better...

“Datemate,” It was so odd hearing him this quiet, but she wasn’t ungrateful. Something felt off though, it was almost as though he knew she was trying to keep quiet, that she was trying to hide something? Was she being too paranoid? She didn’t doubt Papyrus was smart, but she really couldn’t find the line on logical reasoning and stress induced frets. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Not a lie. She was stressed, but it would be alright, ergo she was alright “I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to pop outside for a bit of air…” Also not a lie. It’s fine, she wasn’t lying to him exclusively. She… Wasn’t telling him everything. But she wasn’t lying either, so…

He watched has he reached over to her, and she fought back the urge to pull back and run out the door.

He wasn’t wearing his gloves and his phalanges were cool against her flushed cheek. Her magic was pulsing through her, making her warm. It wasn’t pleasant, she felt uncomfortable and she wanted to be outside more than ever. He brushed past her cheek and tucked the hair out of her face, behind her pointed ear.

“Ah.” He said, smiling, and she smiled a bit more easily seeing him look more at ease. “A morning stroll is always a good idea for sleeplessness. Always good to fast walk off that energy!” he voice got a little loud and Camari flinched, but nodded gently. “Mind if I join you, datemate?”

Camari stilled. He smiled at her, looking at her in that hopeful way of his. Her mind raced. No, no she didn’t want him to- But if she said no, it would look suspicious- But, maybe she’d be so distracted- Stars, she wanted a smoke so bad-

“Sure!” She nodded, and her eyes flicked to the side, and she felt her gut twist more and more. “Sure, I don’t mind.”

But she did, and she stood there awkwardly as papyrus slipped his boots on, and his coat. She didn’t think he needed to do either, but she really couldn’t find her words or her though amidst the panic rising.

They left, closing the front door behind them and walked down the front pathway, past the tree.

Her fingers touched the lighter. She pulled her other hands out of her pocket and wrapped them around her waist, trying to push down the nausea.

They walked for ten minutes. Papyrus was quiet. Way too quiet. She glanced toward him multiple times, expecting him to maybe ramble about this, or that. About the people he met today, the dogs that might have bounded up to him, how the training with Undyne went, something he was thinking about learning to cook, just… Anything. Anything but the quiet. He was smiling, and he sometimes caught her glance and smiled at her, and she’d try to smile back. Something felt so off and Camari couldn’t figure out if it was her, or him, or the both of them. It made her anxious. Was he waiting for her to say something.

They were passing through the park gates. Papyrus cleared his throat. The one he didn’t have, Camari noted, trying to find amusement somewhere in the tense situation. Something to stop the crushing guilt flooding her soul.

“YOU KNOW, DATEMATE-” The volume change made Camari jump, and she watched as Papyrus, glanced off to the side, seeming to find interest in the trees. “I ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH YOU.” He glanced at her, and she smiled, feeling some tension leaving her.

“Well, that’s usually good. Especially in relationships.It would be bad if being in a relationship if you didn’t enjoy spending time with me.” She raised a brow at him, smiling a little easier. He nodded. He slipped an arm between hers, one of the ones not buried into the pocket of her coat, and she realized he was reaching of her hand. She laced her fingers between his phalanges eagerly, squeezing a bit of stress away. His thumb rubbed over her knuckles.

“YES, ABSOLUTELY!” They were approaching a bench just by the path they were walking on, shadowed over by a tree but visible because of lamp a meter away, and Papyrus steered them toward it. They sat down together, and Papyrus was watching her again. Camari’s nerves rose suddenly. Something in papyrus’ expression was… Off. He was frowning a bit. Still smiling, but she could make out the brow bones drawn together in the light of the streetlamp. He squeezed her hand again, his knee brushing hers as he shifted to face her on the bench. She watched as his other hand closed, opened, and then closed again on his lap. She swallowed, ready to ask what was wrong. In case he asked her first. Because what would she tell him? She couldn’t keep this up now. Not when he was so close and holding her hand as though she would try to bolt.

She couldn’t lie to him… Could she?

“I...” He began, but trailed off, frowning toward the gravel to the path. Camari felt her jaw tighten. She wanted to say something, but her throat felt dry. So dry. She bit the inside of her lip. Her grip on the lighter tightened and she wished she could chuck the stupid thing across the grass. Leave it there without causing a scene, be done with it, move on. That wasn’t going to happen though, and she knew it.

“I REALLY ENJOY TALKING-” Papyrus’ gaze fell on her again. Camari felt so small, so exposed. It felt like he was starting to edge on something specific, but surely she was just paranoid. Papyrus always listed off things he liked about her. If she nodded, if she went along with it maybe she could-

“-ABOUT EVERYTHING REALLY. ESPECIALLY ANYTHING THAT MAY BE… WORRYING ME. CAUSING ME TO NOT GET SLEEP THAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, DON’T NEED ALL THAT MUCH. BECAUSE I AM VERY GREAT. THE KIND OF THINGS THAT ELICIT THE NEED TO GO ON AN AWKWARD WALK WITH MY VERY RAD DATEMATE, AND PERHAPS PARTAKE IN… CUDDLES AND WORRISOME THOUGHT SHARING.”

Camari stared at him. His gaze shifted side to side, skeptically. “JUST AS AN EXAMPLE, OF COURSE!” His gaze was on her again.

Camari slumped, and her grip on Papyrus’ skeletal hand loosened. As her fingers slipped from his his other hand reached up and gently pressed over hers, gently trapping her hand in a reassuring squeeze. If it wasn’t obvious before that Papyrus wanted to address her behavior, it was for sure obvious now.

But what could she even say? He didn’t know about her… Habit. She’s sure he didn’t. Stars, she was tired… She wish she’d stayed in bed, lying awake, it would be better than this.

But would it really though?

She finally looked up at Papyrus after staring at the ground for a while and watched his face. He was smiling. It was worried, but so hopeful.

She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing. Papyrus watched attentively as her other hands, the ones that had been glued deep into their pockets, shifted. Camari huffed as she pulled out the items she had been carrying the whole time and held them out in her flat palms. Her gaze remained locked on them, ever when she felt Papyrus’ hands gently tighten over hers.

She knew it wasn’t enough though, and she swallowed, trying to think properly about what to say, what she wanted to say. If she didn’t have a justifiable explanation then…

She didn’t know, really. Her thoughts felt muddled.

“When…” Her voice caught in her throat, and she cleared it quickly, stumbling over her words, “I started smoking.. A few years ago I think? I… I can’t remember why, I think I just wanted to try it? Or- Or I wanted to find some kind of relief for stress because of what was happening? I don’t know, to be honest, I just…” She deflates, and grips the packet, her arms lowering a little. She hasn’t looked at Pap’s once.

She shifts and lets the objects clatter as she puts them down on the spare space of the bench next to her, away from Papyrus.

Papyrus’ hands pull away from hers and she can’t help but flinch, afraid of what he’s going to say, what he’s going to think of her now, what was he thinking-

Her face is suddenly against his shoulder and his arms are firmly around her waist, tugging her in close.

Camari blinks, arms held awkwardly, uncertain for a moment. She eventually melts into the warmth of his embrace and grips the front of his coat as she nuzzles her face into his shoulder. She feels his head shift and feels his fingers gently combing her hair.

“YOU…” He pauses, “YOU DON’T NEED TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF… I AM VERY HAPPY YOU TOLD ME THIS, THOUGH!”

She shuts her eyes and lets out a small breathless laugh. What did she ever do to deserve this darling skeleton?

He pulls back to look her in the face, arms still around her. She’s smiling, but she still can’t feel too happy, not after the way she lied. Papyrus is frowning a little, and he glances off to the side.

“I DON’T LIKE THE…IDEA OF.. OF YOU-” She nods and feels her chest sink as she cuts in, desperate.

“I want to stop. I really do…”

Papyrus presses his forehead against hers. “I WANT TO RESPECT WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO DO, SO EVEN IF YOU DON’T STOP. THEN IT’S NOT... I JUST…” He trails off and Camari bites her lip to stop herself from cutting him off again. He pulls away and looks at her, clearly upset. She can tell with the way his face is scrunched, and the faint rattle in his bones. “I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU HURT.”

She nods. She… She wouldn’t want to see Papyrus like that either. Anxious to the point of… She didn’t even want to go there. He wasn’t like her though, he was strong! So strong. A rock for many people.

Too many people…

She had to do better, surly.

She looks up, brows furrowing, and she touches his cheek. He leans his head into her touch and smiles at her as best he can.

“I want to try stopping…” His smile widens and he shifts closer to her.

“I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT! I’LL HELP YOU ANYWAY I CAN!” She gently grabs his face and pushes herself forward, pressing her lips too his teeth for a moment. He leans into her and when she pulls away she feels her soul flutter at the gentle ‘Mwah’ noise he muttered.

“You just keep being your great and wonderful self, Pappy…”

He pressed his forehead to hers again, and neither moved for a few moments.

“NYEH-HEH! AN EASY TASK! FAR TOO EASY FOR SOMEONE AS NATURALLY GREAT AS I AM! SO YOU ARE IN ABSOLUTE LUCK, DATEMATE!” Camari giggles, because it’s true. She was so damn lucky…

For a wonderful moment, the only noise was the faint hum of their souls buzzing, the gentle chirps of crickets and the breeze blowing through the trees.

Camari squacked indignantly when she was suddenly lifted effortlessly by the tall skeleton, who was quickly up on his feet, with his hands tucked under her lower arm pits.

“WHILE WE’RE UP AND OUT AND ABOUT AND ALL OTHER THINGS CONSIDERED-” He began, placing Camari down onto her feet before tucking an arm against her waist and pulling her close. He tilted down to look at her as He puffed out his chest and lifted his other arm up to pose heroically. “-WE SHOULD DEFINITELY TAKE THIS TIME TO GO ON A PRE-MORNING RUN!”

Camari paled, and her tired legs and tired everything flooded over her at the very mention of the word ‘run’

She smiled weakly at him, as he flashed her a fanged grin, brows narrowed with determination and confidence.

“... I mean…” She began. “We could always go back home and sleep, though? Run in a few hours?”

Papyrus huffed and shook his head.

“HONESTLY, DATEMATE… YOU’RE JUST AS BAD AS SANS!” She catches the humor in his voice and slight smirk on his smile.

She scoffs, smiling.

“Being tired and being Sans are different!” She defends, before sighing. “I wish I could sleep anywhere like he does. It’s actually an admirable skill.” She gasps when she’s suddenly hoisted up and over papyrus’ shoulder as her partner ‘NYEH’s loudly.

“LESS CHIT-CHAT! MORE… UM. JOG-MOG. YES! IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO RUN, I’LL JUST CARRY YOU.”

She giggles, wriggling to get more comfortable. “It defeats-” She pauses as a yawn stretches out of her “-the purpose a bit, doesn’t it?” Her eyelids felt heavy.

“I WON’T CARRY YOU ON ANY OTHER RUNS FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK THEN! YOU’RE USING UP YOUR ‘SUPER-COOL-DATE-CARRIER-CARD’ RIGHT NOW!”

She hums and nods weakly. Papyrus huffs and begins to jog, pacing carefully to not jostle his already asleep partner on his shoulder.

The sun rises after an hour or so, and the cigarette pack and lighter remain discarded on the bench, forgotten.

[billyagogo]

Kennedy Ryan on how Shonda Rhimes and <em>Scandal</em> inspired her latest romance novels

New Post has been published on https://newsprofixpro.com/moxie/2019/10/03/kennedy-ryan-on-how-shonda-rhimes-and-scandal-inspired-her-latest-romance-novels/

Kennedy Ryan on how Shonda Rhimes and Scandal inspired her latest romance novels

Kennedy Ryan is an inspiration to a lot of people. As the first black author to win a coveted RITA Award from Romance Writers of America, Ryan has achieved a dream generations of women didn’t know they’d ever see come to pass. Yet for her, the victory is bittersweet. As she tells EW, “It is bittersweet because I know there are talented women who have written worthy stories in [RWA’s] 37-year history. When they announced my name, it really was so shocking for me — the way the room exploded. All of these black authors poured into the aisle as I was going up on stage. They had tears streaming down their face. It was a sense of we did it. It was so much bigger than my book, and so much bigger than me. I felt the weight of it.”

(Though Ryan won her award first that night, she broke the barrier alongside author M. Malone, who won for Romance Novella.) While Ryan is out here kicking down doors in the romance industry, she also has plenty of inspirations of her own. In publishing, she cites women like Beverly Jenkins and Sandra Kitt, authors who have been turning out romantic hits since the 1980s and ’90s. She’s not shy about declaring that she stands on the shoulders of giants. And then there are the women in other media who are directly inspiring her work and her storytelling — namely Shonda Rhimes and Ava DuVernay.

“Shonda Rhimes, there are aspects of my career I have modeled after her,” Ryan says. “Her and Ava DuVernay are two storytellers who are giants to me. To see a black storyteller who is given the agency and the space to create stories that everyone can relate to and become immensely popular, it was inspiring to me and became a blueprint for how I approached a lot of what I do. Writing diversely, but also writing widely — I saw that in Shonda Rhimes.”

So much so that Ryan’s next releases, the All the King’s Men duet, which EW can exclusively reveal the covers for below, were inspired by Rhimes’ hit series Scandal. The first novel, The Kingmaker (Oct. 28), begins an epic love story between political activist Lennix Hunter and power player Maxim Cade, and the story concludes in The Rebel King (Nov. 18).

Ahead of the books’ fall debuts, EW called up Ryan to discuss her RITA win, what fuels her heavier plotlines, and why interviewing is a crucial part of her writing process. Check out her striking covers and read more below.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: It’s been a few months since your historic RITA win. Has your perspective changed at all now that you’ve had some time to marinate in the victory?KENNEDY RYAN: When I write, I write on a mission. There is something very specific that’s propelling me to tell a story, and a theme that goes through most of my work is that I am all about centering marginalized people. All of these people who have been at the edges of traditional and mainstream romance, I write to put them at the center. What did shift for me was understanding the importance of that, and the breadth of it. Authors who have been in the game for 20, 25 years coming up to me and saying thank you — if you’re not humbled by that, there’s something wrong with you. One of them came to me and said, “I didn’t want to die before I see a black president, and I didn’t want to die before I see a black woman win the RITA, and you gave that to me tonight.” It’s just humbling. You want to continue to do that great work. You want to be representative. But also, I want to be very clear with people that I don’t feel I am exceptional. It’s a cop-out to say, “This book won because it’s so exceptional.” What I want people to hear is we had so many exceptional books written by black women before that never got in this space because of systemic bias.

What is the All the King’s Men duet about? It centers on a Yavapai Apache woman, a Native American woman from an Apache tribe based in western Arizona. She’s the heroine. [The hero is] a green-energy mogul whose father owns an oil company. Early on in the book, there’s a pipeline protest. There’s a cultural immediacy to a lot of my work, and usually it’s because I see something and feel like we should be talking about it more. I was watching everything that was going on with the DAPL protest — I saw that a lot of the water protectors are teenagers. The Native American youth really are on the front line of protests. They articulate that it’s a sacred connection — that protest is a way to connect in a sacred way to generations from before and to some of the traditions that have been lost. Where they first meet is at a pipeline protest, where she is one of these water protectors who’s on the front line of protesting the natural gas pipeline that his father’s company is laying on sacred burial ground. That’s how the book starts; it’s across many years.

You said Scandal was an inspiration to you. How did it influence this story? As soon as people hear politics, they assume it’s going to be divisive. I’m like, “Think Scandal,” you know? We all want that. [The heroine and her best friend] start a political consulting firm that focuses specifically on putting in power candidates who will champion the cause of marginalized people. They’re like the gladiators [of this world].

Given that political aspect, how much of the story is inspired by current events? Will we see much reference to today’s politics in the narrative? There is a fine line I walk between being a clarion voice in what feels like a very muddy landscape because a lot of times what we do is politicize things that are actually issues of humanity. It’s a cop-out to see something you know is a moral offense and because it has become polemicized, you feel the liberty to [label it]. When I wrote this book, I didn’t set out to be controversial. I don’t want people to read any of the early things about this book and think, “Well, I’m a Republican so this book isn’t for me,” because that’s not it at all. There are some things that are issues of humanity and issues of injustice.

[The heroine] is very true to her traditions and her culture. She speaks frankly on the kleptocratic history of this nation. People generally know we did Native Americans wrong. They will hear a heroine who is very comfortable and conversant in actual history and articulates that. For some people, that feels confrontational. It shouldn’t. It’s just true. I wouldn’t say that it’s this highly political book; it is a book that does not back down from what actually happened. It’s very much about truth. Guilt, especially in the context of where we are as a nation, is useless. I want us all to feel responsible for the future, and we can’t really be good stewards of the future if we don’t know and recognize what’s happened in the past. I honestly was terrified to write this book.

What is your research process like, particularly for a heroine with this highly specific cultural background? I interviewed 10 Native American women over the course of four months. No writing, only research. Only personal accounts. The same as any other cultural group, Native Americans are not monolithic. At least a third of those I was interviewing were from the particular tribe I selected for my heroine. I hired sensitivity readers from that cultural background to beta-read both books for me. That’s the process I have gone through to be respectful and responsible. It’s not that I don’t think people should write beyond their experience. But if you don’t deep-dive consult with someone who has lived that experience, it’s the height of arrogance. It’s irresponsible, and it’s probably going to be harmful. People talk about sensitivity reading and they confine it to race. I was listening to a podcast with Alyssa Cole, and she called it accuracy reading. It is sensitivity reading, for sure, but it’s also accuracy reading because you want to portray this in a way that is as true to real life experience as possible and that’s respectful.

It seems like your background as a journalist is essential to your writing process. People always ask me, “Why do you interview?” My background is journalism. That’s my default, is to not assume I know the story. I feel like I have to go get the story, if that makes sense. Every time I sit down, I think, “What don’t I know about this person? Where will I find that information?” For me, [making underrepresented people the heroes and heroines] is always the win. Whether it’s a black woman, a Hispanic woman, an other-abled woman — for someone to say, “I feel seen. When I read your stories, I see myself when I don’t in a lot of other stories.”

Your RITA-winning book, Long Shot, tackled domestic abuse. Can we expect that same level of heaviness in this duet? And if so, why is that intense subject matter something you keep coming back to? I don’t think it’s the same level of pain as Long Shot. That book it its own brand of raw. But there’s an emotional arc — if anybody ever tells you Kennedy Ryan wrote a rom-com, you know they’re lying. [People accuse me of writing women’s fiction.] I write stories that center powerful women, and they get a happily-ever-after. Whatever you want to call centering powerful women who end up happy, that’s what I write. It’s always going to have a happily-ever-after. I guarantee you that, but I don’t say it’s going to be easy.

What I enjoy is the hard-won happily-ever-after. I like to see love under pressure. As humans, we shine brightest under pressure. That’s how my own love story has gone — when we were in the darkest times, we clung to each other. We learned so much about each other. We loved each other most deeply when we were in pain. I just feel like true love and true happiness is something we should fight for — I don’t take it for granted. [But I also don’t want] the message of my book to be this woman would not be happy if she had not found this man. That’s why sometimes you’ll have these gaps. This one has one too. Readers are going to say, “Why was she apart from him?” Because she’s building her career. She’s living her life. She’s figuring out who she is. She’s finding out how to be happy with herself, and then, when she is ready, she engages in that relationship. She’s mentally happy. She’s emotionally whole. There’s an integrity to who she is as a person. Sometimes we don’t see that as much in romance, and it’s what I want to perpetuate.

These covers are very striking. What inspired the crisp, clean look? The word that came to me is power. I really play with what power really is in the book and how it’s abused and all that. [I was aiming for] a rumpled elegance. Those are buzzwords that my designer and I [locked onto]. We have a whole Pinterest board. You know really powerful, elegant people at a party? What I wanted was to see them when they come home from the party with their cufflinks off. That is a visual representation of their authenticity, their own vulnerability. What I wanted is the space between a public persona and who you really are. Seeing people who are really well put together in public behind the scenes. It’s power in repose.

There’s an ongoing discussion about illustrated covers and the challenges of finding diverse cover models or stock images. Is this something you have come up against? It was very important to me that my cover reflects diversity. It’s an Anglo-centric concept of beauty. If they see a black person on a cover, they assume the story is not for them. It’s the same mistaken philosophy that someone won’t be able to relate to something because a black person wrote it, and they’re not black. Which is ridiculous. I’ve grown up my whole entire life reading magazines that feature white people and watching shows that feature white people, and I never thought, “Well I can’t relate to this because I’m not white.” Being an author of color in a mainstream publishing landscape can be exhausting. There are things we have to negotiate and consider that nobody else would think twice about. I am willing to swim upstream. But it can be exhausting. It does feel hard sometimes, but it’s worth it. I’m not going to stop trying. This interview has been edited and condensed. Related content: Hot Stuff: September romances visit Victorian Oxford, a Renaissance Faire, Michelin restaurants, and more How morning TV and London at Christmas inspired Lucy Parker’s new romance See the cover of Helen Hoang’s third romance novel,The Heart Principle

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