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mushr00mfriend · 7 months ago

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Hello!!!!

I just wanted to come on here and say that I love Delirium and your writing!!! It's so amazing how you managed to write such a rich and complex story without having it shoved down your throats or just underperforming. There are many things I loved about Delirium that I could go on and on about but I'm just going to settle on two things.

One is how I loved how Crow was written. Idk how to explain but I love anyone can imagine themselves in it. They are very ambiguous to the point where you can imagine what they would wear and not have to worry about if you can see yourself in them. A little rant incoming, but I've never liked how many authors always had a set image of their mc/reader in mind. This is different if regards their personality (we can't a boring mc can we?) but this is about how the author writes what the mc puts on or describes certain aspects of their body (hair or body) and this always set me off from most stories. Im sure this is such a small thing to get peeved over, but there many people that aren't included in that image of an mc an author has. When I reading Delirium, I was surprised on how Crow's appearance was never really described unless it was clarify wounds or things that happened to them. It's also amazing how Crow still has personality and yet is able to be imagined as anyone! Honestly, thank you for writing Crow/mc so ambiguously, ik this probably something stupid to thank you for but I'll thank you a thousand times for this.

Next would be how you wrote the relationships between the proxies and shades (I'm not if that's the right word) and overall the occupants of the mansion. It's very unique and interesting how you decided to write them actually caring and having fun with each other. A majority of the creepypasta fics I've read mostly involve all the proxies and others absolutely despising each other. Seeing each other as coworkers and nuisances. While I'll admit there are many fics out there that execute this perfectly, it's honestly boring and overused to see the proxies hate each other and yet live in the same house which honestly never made sense to me. Reading how the trio and others look out for each other, viewing them as friends and even family is honestly so astonishing. You managed to write the Slender Mansion trope that was loved for it comedy and crack and turned it into something that was still on crack but had the serious element that comes with serial killers working for an eldritch being so perfectly. It's also crazy how you wrote the characters as well. I mean the main trio in most fics would be written to hate each other and have that "I hate my coworkers but we have funny banter once in awhile". It's funny but I think prefer your version of the trio. In reality, they're just a bunch a mentally ill men who find solace and peace with each other. While they do banter, it's more light-hearted and teasing. How they're written with others is also amazing. The scene with Ben was pure comedy to me. Usually they argue and tell the other to fuck off but seeing how they interacted with him was so cool. I adore how you wrote the proxies and others together and I cannot wait for more.

I literally cannot for Delusion to come out. It's been on my mind for so long I'm pretty its evolved itself into my brain. I do have some questions regarding the story but please don't worry if you can't or won't!

1.) Are the Acts going to focus on something specifically? Is there a clear plot going on? An example could be like Act 1 focusing on Crow adjusting to their new life and then Act 2 being their victims or something else. I'm sorry if this was worded weirdly!!!

2.) Is Kate going to be a main part of the story or just someone who appears in one act? Is she going to put Crow into some trouble? Will Crow feel inclined to live up to her legacy or just feel indifferent?

3.) How are the others (proxy trio and occupants in the mansion) going to react to Crow now being part of the family? Is there going to be resentment towards them joining in? Are they going to be compared to Kate? (I'm not sure if I can ask this but doesn't hurt to try.)

4.) Is Crow going to retain their old personality or just be an empty husk that grows into their personality? Will they keep likes, dislikes or preferences? Or have to learn about their self all over again?

5.) Who are the love interests going to be? Is there going to be little or a lot? Will they come from beyond the Slender Mansion?

I think those are all the questions I have. Please feel free to not answer them if they are spoilers to Delusion or ruin the element of surprise you are planning!!!

I also have some hc's regarding Crow which I'm going to keep short.

1.) I like to think that Crow starts to collect shiny things or just starts to collect in general. Part of their namesake after all.

2.) From what I remember, crows are known to be super intelligent and remember the faces of those who are kind to them. They even give gifts to them. Id like to think that Crow remembers everyone. The ones who were kind, mean, etc. They won't leave gifts but maybe they show in subtle ways that they remember and appreciated it.

This is so long. I'm so sorry if this was super chunky but leaving long comments and asks is my love language to all my favorite authors. I hope you have a good day or night and take care!!!!

I am grabbing you gently by the face and looking you deeply in the eyes before planting a big messy kiss on your forehead!!! I am taking you by the hands and taking you to the aquarium!! We will go to the touch tank and giggle about the rays splashing us with water!!!

I was not expecting such a wonderful dissertation in my inbox! Your words mean so, so much to me. There's so much love and care I've put into Delirium and to see that others are able to get it is frankly, staggering. I'll be honest, I never expected the reception I've gotten on Delirium. Hoped for it, yes certainly! But it was like a pipe dream. Please lend me your ear for the ramble that I will now bestow upon you as a reward for your lovely, lovely words.

Crow was/is my best attempt at ambiguity because I, like you, did not like the heavily intended imprint that other authors put on reader-inserts. Power to them, of course, it's their sandbox-- but as a nonbinary person, The intense fem lean in so many of them really made me uncomfortable. Not to mention the explicit whiteness present in nearly all of them! I've been trying to lend an ear to the BIPOC parts of the fandoms I'm in and one thing that really stood out to me was the fact that many authors don't notice that the way they use descriptors implies that the reader is White. It's because they are White themselves, of course, but it really hit me that internal biases can come out in such subtle ways (is it a bias? Probably not the right word, but I'm more talking about the way one thinks about themself and how it translates into text, with a racial focus).

Then I made a friend who has Alopecia and is bald, or nearly so. And I realized that so many reader fics put emphasis on the presence of hair. This also ties into the BIPOC exclusion, because a lot of that description also implies that the hair is straight or wavy, not curly or coily.

So, I've tried my best to read about it and eliminate those unconscious descriptors from Delirium. I'm certain its not perfect-- most people have hair, for example, and with different textures, so it's hard to not mention hair at least once-- but I tried to give it the best I've got with a vagueness that could imply almost nearly everyone.

It's harder with personality, with Crow's reactions to things, with the family set up, with the relationship with Cathy (I've gotten lots of comments regarding these); but as you said, no one likes a boring MC, and I'm okay with these things being picked over. They're integral parts of the story I'm writing, after all-- but what Crow looks like? That isn't.

(I'm open to constructive criticism, of course. The internal biases ingrained into us through the dominant culture are deep set and require constant maintenance and vigilance. Learning comes from both the self and others.)

Yes! Yes! The relationships are so important to me!! Gah! I've put these little guys in the spin cycle of my brain for so long!! At this point they have been so blorbo-fied that releasing them back into the wild will certainly lead to their death, so I keep them safe in their enclosures and make them get along :] -- Shades is the right word, by the way! Anyone not a Proxy is a Shade.

The ever-present tension and fighting is interesting, yes, because conflict is tasty-- but as you said, this does not bode well in a living situation. I've done quite a few instances of close living with others for periods of time (camping, mainly), and with many types of people. Some chill and some not. And despite the not-chill ones being there and causing problems, those problems didn't happen all the time. When a group is so big, there comes a point where the members get along because they have to. Social pressure does a lot, but the shared existence does as well. No one is bad or mean all the time.

Now, murderers 'employed' by otherwordly beings is a different barrel of fish, of course. But we treat our crack seriously here. How good is your 'business' of your 'employees' are constantly yelling and beating the shit out of each other in front of the 'customers'? This isn't a Waffle House. It's a respectable manslaughter establishment. This is a Waffle Home.

And here I burst into tears and blubber nonsensically on the floor-- hearing someone say they like my interpretation of the Proxy trio dynamic makes my week. My month. My year. My goddamn lifetime.

"In reality, they're just a bunch a mentally ill men who find solace and peace with each other"

You!! You get it!! You see it!! My tears could replace the ocean. With all they've been through, everything they've seen and experienced together, the horrors they go through every day-- in the end they have each other. They rely on each other. They trust each other. They bicker and banter and argue and fight and after that they put each other back together. They help each other hold their broken pieces. Their relationship is messy and brutal and harrowing and so, so good. Companionship blooms on the battlefield. Devotion flows out the trenches. Fealty coats their bullets. It fills their bunks. It keeps them warm against the icy cold.

Okay, enough weeping.

The scene with Ben was quite important, in my eyes-- from what I remember, there hadn't been any sort of scene with the Proxies and the other's in their Family interacting (Jason isn't part of their Family, to be clear). It's an important scene because it's stage dressing. It shows you what goes on, expands upon the fanon-atypical characterization. To bring back the 'business' metaphor-- the Proxies are like supervisors. They take orders from management (their Lord). They must, then, be at the very least cordial with the workers (Shades) to keep the business operating. In my world, in my interpretation, they're all in the same boat. They're all trying to make it to the end of their shift. They have to work together, they're a team. So, at this point, when everyone's been coworkers for so long, everything just kind of mellows out. They've had their disagreements and arguments, there's been grudges, etc. But everything's chill now.

At least until the new hire arrives. Now that's certain to stir things up :]

Responding to your Crow headcanons wayyyy at the bottom:

1. This is an excellent one because I love trinkets and it's such a fun way to tie into the name symbolically. This is going into the character sheet for sure.

2. Memory is a complicated subject here, but I will say this plays in nicely with what is to come :]

(I'm also always, always rabid for thoughts about my book and it's characters, so feel free to lay more headcanons on me!)

---

As always, I write way too much. Answers to your (wonderful) questions under the readmore:

1. Not weird! There is a clear, overarching plot that builds throughout the book; the 'Acts' are essentially the more minor plot arcs that the characters will go through, the kind that flows into each other and both builds on themselves and that bigger plot behind them. Your examples are quite similar to what I'm thinking! Act 1 will be about Crow adjusting to their new life, yes, but also other things. The other acts, well... You'll see ;]

2. If I say nothing, that's almost like saying something, isn't it? ;]]

3. Resentment, yes, as well as curiosity, anger, eagerness, bitterness, and much more. Some of these feelings will change for the better, some worse. Crow will most certainly be compared to Kate-- they're her replacement, after all. Some won't care about that, and other's will be incredibly hurt.

4. A little bit of both-- Crow will retain parts of themself, and have to relearn many others. Some things will never quite come back, and some new parts will come to light. Think of yourself as you were a year ago. Are you the same? What about five years ago? It's a similar thing if you ignore all the eldritch-bullshit going on.

5. This is a liiiiiitle harder to answer than the others (genuine rant/discussion incoming. Sorry):

I've been thinking on this exact thing for a long while. I don't really... Have a firm grasp on what romance is or looks like. When I first started this project my goal was for Crow to get all romantical with the Proxy trio (Masky, Hoodie, and Toby) because I thought I wanted them to kiss me on my hot mouth. That was like, seven to eight years ago. Not saying I don't want to mack on em still! Just that my personal life journey has meandered along until I had to take a good, long look at the story and wonder what I wanted it all to say in the end.

There's a lot of hard, heavy topics in Delirium. There's gonna be a lot more in Delusion. We're talking about severely mentally ill serial killers and Lovecraftian horrorterrors here-- it's gonna get pretty ugly. And as I've been pulling together the plot and writing the characters and constructing the end, and thinking about my own life, I realized something.

Romantic love is always placed on a pedestal. It's considered the final destination, the top of the pyramid. It's what everyone wants, what everyone needs to feel complete. To be complete. To be fixed and healed. Not only that-- it's what you should want and need. It's what should fix and heal you. And if you don't-- if it doesn't-- something is terribly, terribly wrong with you.

At least, that's the current zeitgeist (the defining spirit or mood of a particular period of history as shown by the ideas and beliefs of the time, thanks internet). But that's not really true, is it? It isn't the reality for a lot of people. It isn't for me.

I may be philosophizing and queer theory-ing a little too hard over a Creepypasta reader-insert fanfiction, but it's what I feel. For many real people, and for these characters, romantic love won't save them. It can't. But does one need to be saved? Does one need to be 'fixed' or 'made complete', especially by love? Who says they are broken, or incomplete in the first place? Is that what I really want to say here? Not really.

So there was no romance in Delirium. And if you (I'm using the non-specific, all encompassing you here) are hoping that there will be some in Delusion, I'm not sorry to say there won't be. Not in my opinion, at least. Because, really, there's gonna be parts in Delusion that people can construe as romantic. It's not necessarily un-romantic-- there's gonna be kissing, hand holding, cuddling, sharing clothes, making food for one another, sharing interests, sharing secrets, entwining lives inseparably, etc. Some can argue that these are actions reserved for romantic partners-- but I do all of these things with my friends. Others in real life do as well. What delineates romantic love from platonic love? Sex? Certainly not. People have sex with strangers they'll never see again. Are they in love? Friends with benefits exist. Are they in love? Some married people, when they grow old, stop having sex. Are they no longer in love? Some people don't have sex until after being married. Do they not love each other? Some people date for several months or years before having sex. Were they not in love until then?

Or, more importantly-- did they not care for each other until sex was put in the equation? I think that's something that is-- incorrectly-- tied to sex. That one does not actually care, or trust, until they have sex.

Do you not share your food with your friends? Your secrets? Do you not spend time with your friends? Go out to eat with them, see movies, play games? Do you not share your interests with them? Your art? The vulnerable, fragile sides of you?

A cat shows you its belly. A dog stares at you, pressed as close to you as possible. A lizard closes its eyes as you watch it. A deer lowers its head to graze. A snail gently rasps its radula against your skin. A caterpillar inches across your finger. A mouse cleans itself in front of you. A crow brings you gifts.

How is that not trust? How is that not care? How is that not love?

I think it's one of the fatal flaws of reader-insert fanfiction. Generally people expect romance with these things. How do I, exactly, essentially, 'advertise' that Delirium and Delusion are an insert fic without an x or /? The ampersand (&) has been making its way through the general ecosphere, but I don't know how well it translates. I don't want to falsely advertise, but at the same time I don't want to miss readers who may genuinely like it, who will read and be satisfied in the end even if there's no true romance.

So, to finish: there will be no love interests. But the original vision stands: Crow will have a deep relationship with Masky, Hoodie, and Toby. They will be close to others as well (that may be spoilers, so I'm keeping it vague).

Thank you, again, for your words. For taking the chance and reading my work. I hope to make Delusion live up to your expectations <3

#mycelium netw0rk #mushroom musings #This is two thousand words. Great heavens #Brevity is the soul of wit and I am unfortunately witless #btw we are getting married. Spring wedding.#Delirium fic #Delusion fic #realizing I'm the creator and thus any headcanons I agree with makes them canon. Rubs my hands like a fly

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writingsbychlo · 2 years ago

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Please don't take this wrong, i'm not trying to be rude at all, it's just curiosity but how can someone love a book that romanticizes rape? Because Zade literally rapes her with a gun and the author confirmes that he did it. I know it's dark romance but rape is a real thing and there are so many victims of rape. They're struggling with it and sometimes it leads to suicide. I live in a country that women being murdered and raped nearly everyday and it's a scary topic for me.

Also I grew up with the stories of women who had to marry their rapists :/ Romanticizing something like that is just feels strange.

I'm not judging you or anyone. Judging is not my right to do, im just asking. Please pleeasse don't get me wrong <3

I’ve popped some trigger warnings on this, but please skip this answer or skip of these are sensitive topics for anyone seeing this!!

hi! so, I absolutely get what you’re saying, and I have to be honest, I had no idea just how dark it was and that those were prominent themes when I picked it up! I’d seen a very romanticised version of it on tiktok and I was so unprepared; which is why I stressed a build-up to it so much on my other ask about it!

I do recommend this book, though! firstly, while I do not excuse or condone any of the behaviour in this book, and I appreciate that the writer confirmed it, but it’s always read more like non-con and dub-con to me! now, I’m not saying a woman is ever ‘asking for it’, but Adeline toed a very dodgy line in the first book, she really played with fire, constantly pushing the limits with Zade to see just how far he would push back. she did not respond in the healthy way either. she tempted and pushed and let her curiosity get the better of her.

again, not saying that what happened is at all right, but the settings and features of this book aren’t at all as black and white as real life is. it’s very blurred here.

secondly, I think one of the underlying themes here that drives so many people crazy is the obsession part. Zade is absolutely obsession with her, wholly and completely, and some people crave that kind of dedication and adoration. Zade never had malicious intent behind his actions, and I think that’s the difference.

He used very very bad ways in an attempt to show her his love and to get her to love him back. He never wanted to hurt her, and that’s also a difference here. In the real world, these things happen because someone wants to take and hurt and abuse, in fiction, Zade is just a very dark man who wants to love and cherish and protect. He wants to take her for himself but not to harm.

Despite having very little boundaries with those kinds of things, and I know it sounds so ridiculous to say in the face of it, Zade is actually very respectful and caring. It sounds fucked up and out of place, I know, and without dissecting the whole plot to explain it you’ll just have to trust me on it, but the difference is that we (as readers) inherently understand that Zade is a good man, who just does that particularly bad thing, which is part of a grey zone.

it’s a very dark, very blurred book, and you can only really understand once you’ve read and thought about it.

however, I do not have your daily experiences and life, and so I cannot fully understand your perspective either. thank you so much for your kindness and respect in the face of something that must’ve been difficult for you to see, and it’s my bad for not trigger warning them, which I will do now, using the tag #tw: dark romance — which you’ll be able to blacklist.

I’m sorry for any upset I might’ve caused you, I hope this ask can at least explain a little of my POV, and I hope you’re happy & healthy & safe my lovely 🤍

#tw: violence #tw: noncon #tw: abuse #tw: dark romance

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kingcatnine · 3 years ago

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hi i know I could google it but you're passionate so I thoight it'd be fun to ask you, what's xenoblade chronicles? and what would u tell someone who knows nothing of that media to get them interested? ^_^

Xenoblade Chronicles is a series of jrpgs. there are currently 4 main games, but I haven't played Xenoblade Chronicles X, so that one is a mystery to both of us and im going to pretend it doesnt exist. the games are known for their vast open worlds in unique settings, their unique gameplay (<- horribly complicated battle mechanics), and the fact that each game is separate from the other, making them playable in any order* (*terms and conditions apply. the ending of 2 spoils the ending of 1, and I'm currently unsure of how 3 fits in so all bets are off on it). all the games have themes of or relating to war is hell, building your own future, and friendship is magic.

Xenoblade 1 takes place here:

on top the Bionis and the Mechonis, two colossal warriors who died fighting each other, locked eternally in combat. the inhabitants of the Bionis, scattered in colonies across it, are constantly under attack by the Mechon, a robotic species that kills them for unknown reasons.

the story follows Shulk, a 17 year old boy, as he seeks revenge on the mechon who attacked his colony, aided by his friends and by the strange visions that have begun to plague him ever since he took ownership of the Monado, a sword that responds only to him...

Xenoblade 2 takes place across a series of living beings called Titans. they make their home in the Cloud Sea, a giant body of water (and cloud) that covers the surface of the entire world. the titans are slowly dying off, causing war to break out as countries fight over the dwindling land. and there's also the world tree

legend has it that god lives at the top of it in a beautiful paradise called Elysium ^

the story follows rex, a 15 year old salvager who dreams of climbing the world tree, proving Elysium is real, and saving everyone by having them live up there instead. after taking on a salvaging job too good to refuse, and getting stabbed in the back in a very literal way, rex becomes the Driver of a legendary Blade (a sort of living battle partner who gives their counterpart a cool weapon to beat people with and the rest would take to long to explain). the Blade, named Pyra, tells him she will give him half of her life if he will take her to her home, Elysium.

xenoblade 3 I know the least about, obviously, BUT.

it takes place on aionios, and the inhabitants are split into two factions: Keves and Agnus. each faction fights to maintain their Flame Clock, a gauge of their own life force, that dwindles with time and grows with the flames they steal from others. thus, a war that can never end. each person lives only 10 years¹, and has a mark on their body counting down until their death. they exist only to fight, and to fight well enough to live through their 10th term and recieve the most honorable death: a ceremony called Homecoming, where they die in front of their Queen.

the story follows 3 kevesi soldiers, and 3 agnian soldiers, who were sent to investigate an anomaly that [spoilers] and severs their connection to their flame clocks, ending the necessity for them to kill. as a result the 6 were labeled as deserters, and team up to travel to Swordmarch, a place they were told could stop them from dying when their 10 terms are up.

it's definitely not a series for everyone, and it's NOT without flaws (2 has a lot of weird bullshit fanservice and shit in it that i try to block out of my memory), but i like it a lot. if i was pitching it to someone it would probably depend on who i was pitching it TO, and what they like in a game. BUT i think if you like real-time strategy combat (is that the term im looking for?), and open worlds (cannot stress enough the open worldness of these games), and beautiful jawdropping landscapes, and fucking crazy plots, and characters that love each other so much they'll rewrite fate, and stories about finding or making a purpose in life... you might enjoy xenoblade :)

this is reyn he's from xenoblade 1 he's a little bit stupid hes been protecting shulk (wet idiot nerd) since they were kids and we love him.

#asks #xc3 spoilers #<- i mean. a little

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puurr · 5 years ago

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shehi everyone welcome BACK to my blog, hi how are ya ?? * waves wand * that was cringe, aNYWAYS i’m ru, t, goat, whatever you wanna call me and im bringing you THAT BITCH ™ in human form, like if that bitch was a person, this is what it would be. gosh, i talk too much lmao, but if you wanna plot feel free to mssg me on discord 𝒍𝒊𝒍 𝒖𝒛𝒊 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏.#1643 or here, whatever floats ur boat boo !! but ya’ll don’t care ab me �� so without further ado. & did i proof read? xxx

chicago’s very own 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 has been spotted on madison avenue driving a 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟎 𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐒-𝐁𝐄𝐍𝐙 𝐆-𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐒 , welcome ! your resemblance to 𝒏𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒊 is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘-𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐃 birthday bash . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re 𝐎𝐁𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐄 , but being 𝐀𝐌𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 might help you . i think being a 𝒍𝒊𝒃𝒓𝒂 explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be 𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒚𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒏 , 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒅 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 , and 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒑𝒈𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒔 . ( i sabotaged a fellow gymnast, ruining her career forever because i saw her as my only threat. ) & ( cisfemale + she/her ) + ( ru, 18,he/him,est )

STATS ;

NAME : diamond tiaira patterson

NICKNAMES : dede, die, dee.

AGE : twenty - three .

BIRTHDAY : october 21st .

ZODIAC : libra .

GENDER : female .

PRONOUNS : she / her .

NATIONALITY : american .

ETHNICITY : african-american .

LABEL(S) : the prosperous , the athlete , the diva .

OCCUPATION : gymnast , ( aspiring ) singer , socialite , dancer , spokemodel.

POS : ( ridiculously ) athletic, driven, ambitious, articulate, stoic, intelligent, ( dangerously ) witty.

NEG : snarky, sarcastic, inconclusive, stubborn, envious, deceitful, greedy, mischievous, artificial.

AESTHETIC

atm machines dispensing hundreds of dollars, mink eyelashes so long, one blink might send you flying away, 10′s across the board, a wall adorned with shimmering trophies, and 1st place ribbons, hair extensions past your ass, extravagant nails that look like they’d be hard to manage, the “boujee” friend, snapchats of you and the squad getting lit in the backseat of your bodyguard driven cadillac, still being able to do tumbling passes and drop into the splits in any costume, and pushing away lingering feelings of guilt.

BACKGROUND ;

some people are born lucky, and others are lucky to be born, and as her name might suggest diamond tiaira patterson was one of thee few born lucky in chicago. her father is a big time music producer who peaked in the 90s all the way through the mid 2000s who worked with all your early childhood favorites and her mother is a former elite gymnast who wowed crowds in the summer olympics in ‘91.

the patterson name oozed greatness in the city and saw nothing but success, diamond was destined for greatness when her mom forced put her into gymnastics at age four, and the young woman thrived and excelled every since, even dedicating her talents to track and field, cheerleading, and volleyball in high school where she was a 4x state champion between cheerleading and volleyball. but, gymnastics always came first no matter what.

the glory at such a young age was enthralling, diamond loved the attention, she loved performing, it became a 2nd nature, but the pressure from her mom to push harder and harder, and the fear of letting her down was something that drove her competitive nature through the roof. but it gave her an edge, her desire to be great was sickening.

but, she had all the talent, and the accomplishments to back whatever she had to say.

the competitiveness drove her to sabotage a fellow competitor who scored a point higher than her, and had the possibility of beating her, so diamond put a teeny tiny thumbtack on the balance beam, and her opponent landed foot first on it and twisted that ankle all the way up and landed on her neck, her career? DONE FOR. it wasn’t her intention of course , she was young and impulsive, but what’s done was done.

diamond went on to gain national recognition for her accomplishments even having an OUTSTANDING showing in the olympics as part of team usa at the age of 19 winning four gold medals, and since then she’s been on magazine covers, guest starred on tv shows, modeled a bit, and she’s currently dabbling into music with the help of her father. a big reason why they moved to nyc he’s her dadager, and they want to make her the next big thing, but with all the personalities in nyc, they’re in for a surprise.

PERSONALITY

INSP : josephine mccoy ( riverdale ) , hilary banks ( fresh prince of belair ) , whitley gilbert ( another world ) colandrea conners ( dear white people ) jelena howard ( hit the floor ) , naomi campbell , mariah carey .

A DIVA. to an extent, she’s definitely sassy and sensible, and won’t hesitate to let you know it. she’s been spoiled and successful all her life, she’s a winner, and if things don’t come easy to her she just wants to quit it all together. she’s used to it being her way or the high way , she’s definitely privileged and entitled , but tries to be more on the heartwarming side if the situation entails. humble with like a half of kanye.

we said it before, but she is THE boujee friend. friend. as she exudes that prestige, that pedigree, she doesn’t drink tap water, only drinks almond milk, she likes foods than cannot be pronounced, she tries to act cultured, but whenever she opens her mouth that flies right out the window. she’s fiercely loyal to those who deserve it of course

JUDGMENTAL!!!! she is not the friend that you can bring to the vip section of a club and pop some pills or do a line in front of, she’ll really smack the shit out of you , or look at you like you’ve gone batshit crazy .

CONNECTIONS

any former gymnast muses in da house or sum ?? maybe d literally mopped the floor w/ them @ a meet when they were younger or sumn, but they still made friends? we have NO idea how.

seasoned musicians, who she networks and mingles with to get her foot in the door?? maybe they worked with her dad and give her some advice, maybe they’re gonna drop a hot new single? something fun, something for the girls * in my saweetie voice *

RICH FRIENDS, IDK, nyc is vasty different from chitown, and maybe her guide to nyc?? whats the new haps on fashion, where tf does everybody hang out? stuff like that yk?

we need ENEMIES too because miss thing has ATTITUDE for days, and i just know she probably ruffled a few feathers walking into the big apple like she owns it.

pls hmu.

#wealthyhq:intro #dis got so long im sorry i lly

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toxikbubblegum · 6 years ago

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May Reading Wrap Up

I'm actually really proud of myself. I finished 13 books last month. Spent a lot of extra time away from screens and focusing on my mental health so I burned through way more than I normally would. So anyways, here's my reviews. - Also please understand that these are just my opinions and if I shit on your favorite book I'm sorry that I didn't enjoy it as much as you. Also, also Im terrible with character names.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor ⭐⭐⭐

I actually started this book at the end of April but didn't finish it til May 1st so whatever, here it is. This books is a YA urban fantasy novel about a girl with a double life. She spends half her days studying art in Europe and the other half running errands for a tooth collecting wish monger. I don't want to say a whole lot more because I dont want to spoil anything important about the plot. So, I'll try to be vague. Let me start by saying this story is amazing. I loved the writing and the world. I rated it so low solely because I can't stand the two main characters and it really dragged down what would have otherwise been an amazing novel. So yeah, great book but its a preference thing. Also took points off for the insta-love but not really insta-love shit. Idk. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this read even a month later. Gonna read the second to see if maybe my hatred of the two mains was just a fluke.

3/5 Stars

Spellbound by Rachel Hawkins

⭐⭐⭐

This is the third book in the Hex Hall trilogy. Not much to say about it. It was a meh ending to an overall pretty good series. 3/5 stars. Moving on.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw

⭐⭐⭐

Realizing now how many of my reads this month were pretty middle of the world. Hopefully next month will be filled with 4 and 5 stars. Anyways, this book was honestly a struggle for me to finish and Im not sure why. It's a YA mystery magical realism story about a tiny coastal town that is cursed by the spirits of 3 sisters who were suspected of witchcraft and drowned 2 centuries prior. Because of this, every year the sisters return from the sea to take the lives of teenage boys by luring them to the sea. We follow the life of kind of meh and standard YA girl #1. She meets a strange non tourist boy and hires him to work in the lighthouse her family owns. Her dad randomly disappeared years ago and her mom is a loon. So yeah... I dont know. I kind of felt like this story was hot garbage in places. I usually dont have any trouble with the suspense of disbelief in magical realism stories but this one just had too many plot holes. Like, I get morbid stuff becomes tourist attractions but why wouldn't someone have stepped in and evacuated the town if at least 3 teenage boys die there EVERY SINGLE YEAR without fail? I honestly feel like the FBI or some other government agency would have cleared the place out after the first 20 or so deaths. There was also the whole MC can see the ghosts of the girls possessing people but chooses not to tell anyone? Like, I get it. You dont want people to label you a freak or think you're crazy but come the fuck on. You live in a tourist trap where people flock to watch local teenage males wash up on shore and you really think the authorities arent going to take you up on the help? It wasn't an awful book by any means. It was well written and extremely descriptive. Just had major beef with some of the details. Anyways, I wont say much more so I don't spoil the whole book.

3/5 Stars

An Enchantment of Ravens by Maragret Rogerson

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Finally, I get to talk about one of my favorite reads of the month. I love anything to do with the Fae in my YAfiction and this was literally everything I wanted in a Fae novel. It takes place in a town called Whimsy, a humanish town in the world of Faerie. The fae cannot do any Craft, or what we would consider craftsmanship. Art and humans who can do it well are very precious in this world because the Fae can't ever do it themselves. We follow the adventures of a girl who has been commisioned to paint the portrait of the Autumn King and the chaos that ensues. Let me just start by saying this is one of those insta-love situations where I feel like it's genuinely ok. I might be making excuses because I loved the title so much but whatever. It's explained and I accept it. Also, I realize that Gadfly had a lovely description but my brain willl not let me picture him as anything but Mr.Waternoose from Monsters Inc.

5/5 Stars

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

⭐⭐⭐

This book started out so good and went downhill very quickly. It follows the story of these two magicians who were fated by their Master's to one day fight to the death. There were so many things I loved about this book only for the last 100 pages to just take a firey dump on my face. I loved the setting and the majority of the characters. The supporting characters were so deep and interesting that I almost cared more about them than I did Ceilia and Marko (Im proabably wrong and I dont feel like googling but I think that was his name) . I don't know. I don't want to complain about anymore meh books.

3/5 Stars

Matched by Allie Condie

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Went into this book expecting to hate it. I usually don't like contemporary love stories but this had major City of Ember meets The Giver vibes and it just appealed to that 14 year old girl in me again. That seems to happen with a lot of dystopian utopia stories. Anyways, story is about a girl who lives in this town where when you hit a certain age you are brought to a place and told who the government has chosen for you to marry. She is matched with her life long best friend and all is well. Except that her little Get To Know Your New Husband microship thing showed her two guys instead of just one. And lots of bullshit ensues. I honestly think I rated this so high because I enjoy the world and not so much whats actually happening to the kids. Like, I loved the idea that art is harmful so the government chose 100 acceptable pieces and thats all these people know. I loved the brutality of the government in general. I can't say much more without spoiling some of the twists but geez did it have me hooked. I'm going to be started the second one soonish, though my TBR for June has gotten intense so we will see.

4/5 stars

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I cannot say enough good things about this book. It is so fucking good! Not going to rant about it or anything because y'all just need to go read it immediately.

5/5 stars

Would give it every star in the sky if Im being completely honest.

Reign of the Fallen by Sarah Glenn Marsh

⭐⭐

Got sucked into this book by the cover and honestly that was the best part of this book. Its about this world where necromancy is pretty highly regarded and used to resurrect the royals after they die. The only downside is that if a living person ever lays eyes on the resurrected person's skin then they turn into these horrible monsters. Maybe it's just me but like that absolutely does not seem worth the risk. Plus, in order to bring the person back, these reapers have to go into the death world and bring the spirit back. And it's HELLA DANGEROUS. So like, WHY? Anyways, there is this stupid underlying love story that I absolutely wasn't invested in. This just all around was not a good book.

2/5 stars

Monster High by Lisi Harrison

⭐⭐

Little known fact~ I'm obsessed with Monster High and Ever After High. So yeah, I realize this wasn't targeted to me as an adult but even going into it with an open mind I was disappointed. Granted I didn't read the description of the book prior. I just saw this franchise I love and grabbed it. First, if you are a fan of the mini series and the movies do not read this. It doesnt follow the cinematic canon and I think that was my biggest problem with it. Frankie's character was all wrong and I hated the whole"Normy" cast. Was really excited for these but I definitely won't be continuing the series. I don't even want to torture myself with seeing how they manage to ruin my sweet baby Draculara.

2/5 stars

Unhinged by AG Howard

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I can't say enough good things about this series. This is the second book in the trilogy and it was a fanatstic bridge book. It had me engrossed through the entire audiobook. Morpheus is still everything. If you loved Splintered I would highly reccomend continuing.

5/5 stars

Truthwitch

⭐⭐

Have had this on my TBR for a while because of how many Booktubers have hyped the series. Buy, was I disappointed. I was soooooooooo bored. Maybe it's because I don't really enjoy this type of fantasy or maybe it was just the slower paced story but I just slugged through this book. Both of the main female characters were bland to me and I didn't care about their friendship. The world was cool but not enough to keep me invested. Just wasn't my cup of tea.

2/5 stars

Paranormalcy by Kiersten White

⭐⭐⭐

Picked this up because of how much I loved The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein and it didn't meet my expectations. It follows this girl who works for a paranormal gorvenment group. She has a special ability that makes her really useful to them so they are trying to groom her basically. They capture this changeling and she befriends him and there is an overarching plot that I just didn't get invested in. The friendship between the two main characters was pretty much the only thing that I enjoyed in this title. The mother figure was insufferable and I just didn't really understand the whole org that they worked for in general. Not an awful book but not fantastic.

Solid 3/5 stars.

The Siren by Kiera Cass

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Going to preface this by saying I might be biased. I love Kiera Cass and have enjoyed almost everything she has written. That said, this wasn't nearly as good as The Selection series but it was a pretty good stand alone novel. It about a girl who becomes a siren on her deathbed and spends the next 100 years serving the sea by luring people to their deaths. After doing this for 70 years, she falls in love and pretty much ruins everything. Loved the characters, especially the male lead. The insta love was a little pet peeve of mine but the love interest was so sweet and genuine that I was willing to overlook it. Pretty good read if you dig supernatural romance.

4/5 stars

June holds the Ghibli-a-thon but also lots of holidays for my family so we will see how much I actually get read. So far my tentative TBR is 5 books but we will see where the days take me.

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trpg-dingusmaster · 8 years ago

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two druids and a bard almost ruin dm’s fanfiction, dm responds by being a weenie

I went to play dnd at the shop a while ago, again my friend who usually plays the unicorn in my game came with- this time there was room a the table so she joined the game. there were a lot of people missing but also one new guy? or at east one guy I’ve never seen before. he and I helped her build a character. he did most of the work since they were both playing druids anyway.

the dm this time was the guy who plays the one handed girl in edwardian/victorian england (90lbs FineCoal) campaign, and the tabaxi in the official event campaign.

This guys campaign was, I was told, a High Seas themed 5e. I had made a character for this when I was first told about it i dunno a month or two ago? 1/2 orc bard, Bassun (like a bassoon) Drun.

it turns out this campaign is coming to an end though so it doesnt matter. I had kept missing weeks this game was going on because of work and it seems like a WHOLE LOT of stuff went on between when I made my character and yesterday. heres a few few things, and getting even this ,uch was like pulling teeth to be honest. a lot of these details lead me to believe this is some kind of kingdom hearts fanfiction? but it was never explicitly escribed as such.

-characters all have keyblades? some more than one. each having a special ability of some kind though it doesnt seen to always correspond with the theme of the keyblade? like- mine is basically just a magical electric-keyboard-guitar? thing? but is special ability is to turn into a really big gun??? unless I misunderstood?? I thought it was weird though so I never used it.

-there are Nobodies- both monsterous and humaniod I think? But the humanoid ones might be called Shamans? (but the could be a different faction?) which cannot be hurt by any magic or attacks not done with the keyblades. and several spells that probably we shouldnt have needed to make any rolls for we had to roll to see if they effected them or something? I think someone said it was because they can become incorporeal nearly at will? and/or because they can shift into a pocket plain as a means of travel through the material plain?

-non magic using classes get 2 first level spells or 1 second level spell with dm approval they can cast through the keyblade only, these spells are attached to it permanently and cant be changed. these spells can be used 1/long rest. spells are taken from a class list that either fits the keyblade theme or some arbitrary choice by the dm im not sure

-magic user classes can cast either all of their spells through the keyblade or the same unchangeable 2 first level or 1 second level I’m not sure. but at the very least I know I can cast shatter with it?

-there are things called orbs? which are collected from defeated nobodies (I think?) and theycan be used to do stuff like- get new keyblades or to do something that sounded like buying spell slots but not quite? I’m not sure.

-there are god like entities in physical form that are just?? around?? but also somethat are not in physical form?? some of them have avatars that are around doing stuff?? both god like beings and their avatars are kill able?

Theres something called the cursed lands which seems to be some kind of separate plain seeping into and corrupting the material plain? it seems to have some natural mind effecting abilities? and is where the main antagonists are hiding out? I get the feeling its based off of some end game locations in some kh game or another.

I’m thinking maybe if I was more familiar with kingdom hearts maybe I’d have some idea about whats going on? I’ve only played 1, 2, and chain of memories so.... I dunno if any of the weird stuff here is from the other KH content or what. I suspect the ‘Sea’ is actually SPACE/multiverse and the ‘islands’ are actually distinct worlds/universes.

Also, its not really very 5e? the way the game goes is very like how the 90lbs FineCoal is played but combat sort of resembles 5e where the other doesnt.

the game was very chaotic and confusing but this time it was basically no fun, like at all. my self, my friend, and the new guy were unfamiliar with the setting and its rules and no one felt the need to explain. nearly everything we tried to do ended up being not allowed either by setting rules or just because it was too far removed from the dms expectations and thus would ruin his narrative, I assume based on what things did work.

Which brings me to how the dm was being a weenie. Instead of just explaining to us you cant use this or do that and you don’t have such and such ability because game rules, even if it wasn’t true we wouldn’t have known or just honestly saying: I cant let you do that because it ruins the story I’m trying to tell, that would have been one thing, but what he chose to do was punish characters/players for doing stuff didn’t want us to do whether or not we knew what we were trying to do was allowed, with no explanation. this ranged from giving damage or curses to characters or destroying character equipment, and even going so far as to allow players to roll for actions or saves with crazy high difficulty but disregarding the roll entirely even if it was a natural 20 ift he result didn’t work with what he wanted to happen. this was a literal exchange between a player and the dm:

-can I roll to stop that?

-you can try hehehe

-natural 20!

-...I dont care... you still fail. (no, he wasnt kidding)

here are some things that were not allowed or deemed really annoying for... reasons? (even if what we were doing should have been allowed based on what we understood of the rules we were told, like- magic cast through the keyblade effects Nobodies... except when the dm doesnt want it to because it ruins the plot)

casting identify, casting locate object, casting warding wind, casting pass without a trace, casting wind wall, casting glyph of warding, casting lesser restoration, casting remove curse, leaving an npc behind for in character plot reasons also they were a distracting attempt at slapstick comedy (this npcs weapon of choice was a frying pan) which no one wanted to bring into the end game, having in character conversation while the rest of the party participated in the plot that only they understood, wanting to start changing character alignment for the better because plot, asking how big a space was, asking how far away things were, inspiring the party (my bards equipment was broken for this). asking for explicit approval before trying to take an action.

one guy, whos been playing this campaign since it was started got so fed up with the dm being a weenie he nearly left. It seems this kind of behavior- punishing with out explanation or obvious reason, was common throughout and it really fits with what I’ve come to learn about this guy and how he plays these games. I can only hope he learns and grows out of it.

if youre going to run a railroading style campaign or adventure, thats fine and a perfectly valid way to run a game, but please be clear with the players- ALL of them that’s whats going on and such are your expectations for the game, also if there are weird homebrew rules you REALLY need to make sure ALL of your players have some grasp on what they are.

if my friend and I, I assume also the new guy, had known more about the setting and the dms expectations we would have chosen and built our characters, or at least played them, differently. Maybe we could have been a constructive part of the group instead of three annoying piles of dead weight everyone was frustrated with by the end of the session.

or I dunno, maybe don’t have three new people jump into the tail end of an unnecessarily complicated homebrew campaign with no real context.

we could have done something else, I could have run a little one shot at another table or helped people make characters for the murder hobo game. if I’m there the next time this game is going I might do that, because i really didn’t enjoy this. The whole thing hardly even felt like a game? It felt more like we were just being lead through the dms fanfiction. He intends to start another campaign once this is done, to stay in the rotation, I’m not sure if I’m gonna do that one either.

I might at least give it a try once, mostly to confirm my suspicion that even though he owns a copy of the PHB and possibly the DMG I’m not sure he actually read them. I mean, look, I understand being a dm is hard especially if youre still new and learning, I’m still learning too, but that’s no excuse to be a weenie to your players. You know? You have to communicate and yeah sometimes you gotta compromise sometimes you gotta improvise, thats like, a pretty big part of games like this isnt it?

#i bitch about bad dungeon mastering #bassun on the sea

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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A Definitive Ranking Of 2000s Rom Coms

Although people who peaked in high school like to act poetic about how great the 2000s were, they werent actually any better than the present day. I mean, it was a time when Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wore matching denim outfits in public and nobody carted them off to an insane asylum.

But Im prepared to make a concession on two points: 1) At least we werent under the administration of a sentient slime mold wearing a bad wig. 2) The 2000s were a golden age for romantic comedies, mostly thanks to Judy Greers tireless efforts to play every heroines best friend. Plus, only like half the jokes were sexist, and there was about an 80% chance pre-pretentious Matthew McConaughey would show up.

Obviously, a betch has to be picky about her rom-comssome are shitty in a good way, but others are best avoided in case someone catches you watching them. To guide your Netflix viewings, here’s a totally objective list of 00s rom coms. If you disagree, which Im sure everyone will, please note that Im not actually forcing you to watch these movies; Im just saying that if you regularly watch any of the bottom five, you have terrible taste.

14.

is considered a modern classic by two groups of people. 1) men in their late 20s with a crush on Natalie Portman and a thriving quarter-life crisis and 2) 8th graders in 2004 under the assumption that any movie that features a Shins track in its soundtrack is automatically deep. To everyone else, its a film about self-absorbed white people whining about their lives until theyre magically fixed by the power of mixtapes. There are approximately a zillion issues with this film, beginning with Zach Braffs complete lack of expression and ending with the fact that you cant cure real depression by listening to The Shins, no matter how clearly superior the soundtrack is to anything else in this film. Worst of all, though, is the fact that Natalie Portman played a manic pixie dream girl so obnoxious I still dream about strangling her character sometimes. Padme deserves so much better.

13.

Im not saying romantic comedies have to make much sense, but s plot is mystifying. Matthew McConaugheys parents are tired of him living at home, so they call in a lady high class escort (Sarah Jessica Parker) whose job is literally seducing men into moving out of their parents basements and unceremoniously dumping them. Because that’s plausible, and not at all fucked up to force your son to fall in love with someone you’re paying. Ridiculous premise aside, you know a movie is terrible when famed nicegirl Zooey Deschanel is the best thing about it.

12. Monster-in-Law

In case you missed this one, and for your sake I hope you did, is about Jane Fonda inexplicably being terrible to Jennifer Lopez, who walks a lot of dogs and is engaged to Fondas son. That right there should tell you all you need to knowI cannot think of one movie that JLo was in that was anything above mild torture, and we’re supposed to root for her character why, exactly? If my son was engaged to a full-time dog walker you can best believe I’d do everything short of actual murder to put a stop to that bullshit.

11.

Im told some people love this movie, but Jesus fucking Christ, is it possible for the two main characters to be any more appalling? Here you have two assholes manipulating the shit out of each other and just generally acting psychotic, all to win a stupid bet with their friends. They really should call it “How To Act Like A Psychopath And Lose Your Dignity.”

10.

Not gonna lie, I fucking adored when I was an impressionable preteen. It had time travel! Mark Ruffalo! A makeover scene! Years later, the movie is still fun to watch, even if it is way too obsessed with the 80s, but the jokes are more cute than funny. Also, why would anyone allow their 13-year-old child to go to a sleepover hosted by a 30-year-old? That is … questionable to say the least. Not to mention Jennifer Garner’s character does a reverse transformation from a betch into a nicegirl and dumps her hot pro bf in favor of her formerly fat friend. Blah blah, true love, I don’t give a fuck. Tenth.

is close to being wrapped in cutesy narration, but it’s far superior. For one thing, it reintroduced the world to Joseph Gordon-Levitts dimples. For another, it manages to be a fairly realistic depiction of a shitty millennial relationship without being super fucking depressing. But thats also kind of the problemrom coms arent supposed to be realistic, theyre supposed to be clich and feel-good, and I don’t care what you say, Summer is a thot. I have literally stayed up at night mapping how she could have possibly met someone worthy of engagement a mere 118 days after she broke up with Tom, and only six days after attending a wedding as his guest (yes I did the mathI told you; this movie keeps me up at night). No matter how you slice it, she had to have cheated on somebody.

Full disclosure: As a Southern betch, Im stoked that takes place right next door. (Dear Hollywood: An entire country exists between New York and LA.) But even though it features Patrick Dempsey as the other man, Josh Lucas with a dreamy Southern accent, and Reese Witherspoon, there are still some issues. Mainly, WTF WERE YOU THINKING, MELANIE? Did you really dump your future president fianc for your secret redneck husband just so “the first boy you kissed could also be your last”? I’ve heard of trying to keep your number down, but damn if this isn’t some delusional shit.

Everyone on planet Earth can relate to having a batshit crazy family, and thats exactly what makes appealing. The two leads are fine, considering they’re not Kate Hudson or Matthew McConaughey, but the extended family is everyones favorite part of the movie. Honestly the most memorable moment to come out of this movie is the “put some Windex on it”pretty good deal for Windex, not so much for the people who actually starred in the movie. However, it does get points for the memorable line: “The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she pleases.”

The plot is pretty flimsy (a Canadian businesswoman has to marry her assistant to avoid deportation) but everyone loves a story where the couple starts out hating each other and eventually falls in love. The cast is what makes this movie pure rom com gold: Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, and Betty fucking White, who gifted us with the infamous Native American dance scene. Basically, it’s predictable but ridiculous, making it better than some of the other garbage movies on this list.

Admittedly, is probably to blame for some of the chubby man-child/beautiful, svelte woman couplings we see in the media that give men unrealistic beauty expectations (of the types of women they can expect to date), otherwise known as The Beyonc/Jay Z Phenomenon. But whatevs. Its a good movie. Seth Rogen has that whole dad bod thing going onapparently a thing some people are intoand Katherine Heigl was at the top of her rom com game before she pissed off the entire cast of .is actually hilarious, which is enough to make up for the fact that Katherine Heigl appears in it.

Even aside from my undeniable crush on youthful Sandra Bullock, is a quintessential early-2000s romantic comedy. Allow me to explain. 1) It stars an ambitious career woman who dont need no man. 2) But she kind of wants one anyway, and everyone realizes what a catch she is when she puts on lipstick and a dress. 3) Did I mention its plot is literally an extended makeover scene as Bullock goes from bad ass FBI agent to bad ass beauty pageant contestant? I rest my case. Add in some cute female friendships and a scene in which Bullock teaches us how to fend off an attacker, and its basically required viewing every year.

You had to know was going to make the list despite this amazing take-down article of why it’s actually terrible. With approximately a bajillion storylines going on, its hard not to find one you like and get invested, and it doesnt hurt that the film features every well-known British actor under the sun. Im not sure how the movie manages to juggle all the different plots without being confusing and/or boring, but Im not gonna question it. However, this shit is TOO FUCKING LONG. If I have to pop an Adderall just to make it through a damn movie (which I do), you need to send your editors back to the drawing board.

is the perfect example of a rom com thats super clich in theory, but in practice, its so fucking heartwarming it doesnt even matter (ugh). Katherine Heigl plays ultimate nicegirl Jane (in case the fact that her name is “Jane” wasn’t enough of a clue), whos been part of 27 weddings and miraculously hasnt gone broke from buying all the bridesmaid dresses. The dudes are pretty forgettable, but Janes psychotic sister and slutty best friend totally steal the spotlight, elevating the film to truly betchy heights.

P.S. For once, James Marsden plays the leading man, so his preternaturally perfect face gets more screen time, #bless.

Bridget Joness Diary is the ultimate feel-good movie, as in its literally impossible to watch it without feeling your icy soul thaw ever so slightly at the end. The titular character starts out fat, single, and past the age of 30, so basically our worst nightmare. By the end, though, she manages to bang Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, land a better job, and become a self-described wanton sex goddess. If those arent your life goals, you clearly need to start your own self-help journey.