#literally does not matter to astrid when has that ever actually been anything more than character design

[anonymink]

live action httyd cast just got released and yall r already annoying!!

[paper-pixies]

And some extras if you wanna answer more of them <3

6 for Astromeda, 1 for Blitzling, 73 for Kell-shali, and 48 for Apari

Me when I answer the second part of an ask months and months after you sent it <3

6. Who would ask the "would you love me if I were a worm?" question? How would their S/O answer? [Astromeda]

Astrid would ask it purely as a joke and, as much as Andromeda does have fun playing into Astrid’s bits sometimes, she’d respond with a completely genuine “Of course, always”. As much as it might be a silly question, she’s very serious about making sure her changeling wife knows that she loves her no matter what form she’s in or what she looks like. This would of course immediately be followed by Astrid repeatedly wild-shaping into a worm for hours on end for like a week just to mess with her. 

1. Who fell first? Who fell harder? [Blitzling]

I don’t know if the traditional idea of romantic love exactly fits what they have going on, but in terms of the feelings they do have, Aisling fell first and Blitz fell harder. Aisling might’ve taken an interest in Blitz early on as just a source of amusement but they definitely grew to have a genuine fondness for her, especially after realizing the two have very similar tendencies towards extreme and unprompted violence. Blitz mostly thought of Aisling as an interesting companion and fun bedmate until she realized that she was actually able to talk to them about some of the more fucked up parts of her history. And when Aisling manages to track down the people who made Blitz’s early life hell and burns them to death in front of her? Blitz falls real hard and real fast for this unhinged jester freak.

73. Who knows the other better? Why is this? [Kell-shali]

They both know each other extremely well of course, but I think Mata-shali probably beats Kell-ehir on that just slightly? Although actually, it might be more that they know each other better in different ways. Mata-shali tends to be more naturally in tune with others than her fiance in general and can instantly recognize any of Kell-ehir’s emotions– she’s more aware of his little tics and the subtle way his thoughts show even when he’s not saying them and doesn’t even really have to try to know what’s going on in his head. On the other hand, Kell-ehir is more actively observational. He might not be able to understand shifts in Shali’s facial expressions or body language as well, but he notices and remembers things like her favorite teas, her dancing quirks, what type of noise is harshest for her, etc better than she tends to for him.

48. If they ever had less than 5 mins to tell their S/O something before never seeing them again, what would they say? [Apari]

First off, absolutely fucked up question to ask for these three, my guys who canonically do get all the time they need to say everything important to each other before two of them die. But at least it means I’ve already thought about this in depth.

Opal - To Ace (assuming they’re not in the middle of one of their fights, which is a real possibility given how much these two love their drama) he’d want to thank them for dragging his ass out of Goldcrest even though he was a complete basket case, an addict who was so unwilling to change or believe anything could get better and fought Ace every step of the way. He’d tell them that as much as they piss him the fuck off sometimes, he sees exactly where their anger comes from and has never ever been afraid of it. He’d also probably toss in that he’s literally never had better sex with anyone else and Ace should charge more for their services. To Jabari I think he’d keep it short since the way that Jabari is so genuine and kind will never cease to freak him out just a little bit when things get sentimental. That being said, he’d thank him for keeping an eye on Ace during the years that Opal left them to their own devices. He’d also tell him that, even though he thinks Jabari is way too nice and it’s going to come back and fuck him at some point, he appreciates that Jabari’s grace and patience extended to him to the extent that it did.

Ace - To Opal he would have to make it so goddamn clear that he loves him and that even though they fight so so often that he never regretted their relationship or the fact that he had to take on a worse contract to buy Opal’s passage topside as well as his own. He would tell him how proud he is of all the progress Opal has made and how much he’s changed since they were both in Goldcrest. If he had time he’d absolutely tell him how grateful he is that Opal never permanently abandoned him despite the way that he’s seen (and been the target of) Ace’s angriest, nastiest, and most petty side very frequently. To Jabari I think they would say something with regard to how good and kind of a person he is and how it always amazed Ace, how it inspired them to keep doing good and keep softening the more destructive part of themself even during the times when they were doing very poorly and might otherwise have become extremely cynical towards the world.

Jabari - First, he’s by far the most sentimental and openly loving out of the three and I think that would really come out in a scenario like this. To Opal he’d admit that he had a difficult time getting along with him at first but that he’s so extremely glad that they were forced to continue spending time around each other (thank you, Ace) because Opal is deeply special to him. Similar to Ace, he’d mention how proud he is of Opal’s progress and that it brings him so much joy to have gotten to see and be a part of Opal eventually finding a genuine love of the life around him. To Ace he would thank for the way that they constantly pulled him into new experiences and adventures and opened his eyes to an entirely new aspect of the world. He’d apologize for all of the things they’ve had to go through in their lifetime and ask them to keep nurturing the part of themself that is kind and wants to fight for others.

[bloody-bee-tea]

Because

Jiang Cheng knows that Nie Mingjue doesn’t have it easy with him. He knows that better than anyone and most of the time it eats away at him. He’s not only volatile and quick to anger and even quicker to pull away, but he’s also a raging mess of insecurities and abandonment issues—yes, Jiang Cheng can admit that, sometimes, and only to himself—and on top of all of that, he can’t even sweeten Nie Mingjue up with sex.

In all honesty, it’s such a bad deal for Nie Mingjue that Jiang Cheng constantly wonders why he even stays with him.

It’s not like Jiang Cheng is giving much back to him that would justify all the work Nie Mingjue puts into their relationship.

“Stop that,” Nie Mingjue says right that moment and flicks Jiang Cheng’s forehead.

“Stop what,” Jiang Cheng grumbles and swats Nie Mingjue’s hand away. “I’m not even doing anything.”

“You’re thinking stupid thoughts is what you’re doing,” Nie Mingjue gives back with a sigh and pulls Jiang Cheng into his lap.

He really does know him all too well, Jiang Cheng thinks and then despairs when he fears that he doesn’t know Nie Mingjue even half as well.

“You’re doing it again,” Nie Mingjue whispers and presses a kiss to Jiang Cheng’s neck. “Whatever it is you’re thinking it’s not true.”

“You don’t even know what I’m thinking,” Jiang Cheng gives back but he knows better than to try and break free of Nie Mingjue’s hold.

That never works out for him.

“You’re thinking bad thoughts about yourself again,” Nie Mingjue easily gives back and Jiang Cheng flushes with how right he is. “And you’re going to stop it because none of them are true.”

“But they are,” Jiang Cheng weakly whispers. “I am too quick to anger and clingy and cold and ace,” he lists off, not even sure why he’s digging his own grave here. “All of those are true.”

“But none of them are bad,” Nie Mingjue immediately replies and Jiang Cheng snorts. 

“Yeah, right,” he bitterly mutters and then yelps when Nie Mingjue turns him around in his arms, so that he’s straddling his legs, rather than sitting astride of them.

“Stop that,” Jiang Cheng says with a light slap to Nie Mingjue’s chest.

“Nah, you love it,” Nie Mingjue gives back with a smug smile, but that falls off his face quickly as he becomes serious again. “None of the things you mentioned are bad things. I’d be a hypocrite if I scolded you for your anger issues, seeing as I struggle with that as well,” Nie Mingjue starts before Jiang Cheng can argue. “There is no such thing as being too clingy when it comes to you, because if I would get my way you’d never be out of reach for me. You’re not too cold, because you’re just doing what you think you have to do to protect yourself and I cannot fault you for that, especially given your parents and the fact that you’re ace has never been a problem for me, you know that,” Nie Mingjue finishes off and while Jiang Cheng wishes he could believe him, there’s always this tiny grain of doubt in him. 

That one day one of his many faults will be too much for Nie Mingjue, that he will realize one day that not having sex with Jiang Cheng is unacceptable and that he can get it easier literally anywhere else.

There are a lot of worries in Jiang Cheng’s mind.

“Tell me why,” Jiang Cheng demands, resting his hands on Nie Mingjue’s shoulders. “Tell me why none of these things matter to you,” he says, and now it sounds more like he’s begging than demanding but Jiang Cheng doesn’t care in that moment.

He needs to hear Nie Mingjue say it.

“Because I love you,” Nie Mingjue easily says and Jiang Cheng goes warm with his words.

“I love you, too,” he whispers right before he brushes their lips together and Nie Mingjue hums into the contact.

“Is that why you don’t care that I am too stubborn, and too quick to anger, and too rigid? Is that why you don’t care that I am obsessed with training and not ace?” Nie Mingjue teasingly asks him and Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes at him.

“None of those are bad things,” he lowly gives back and then leans against Nie Mingjue’s chest when he brings up his arms around him.

“And why do you think they are bad things when it comes to you, but not when it’s about me?” Nie Mingjue wants to know, and Jiang Cheng would love to answer that, but it just doesn’t make sense.

He knows that damn well.

“They just are,” he petulantly says but he snuggles into Nie Mingjue’s chest when he tightens his arms around him.

“And you’re just stupid,” Nie Mingjue shoots back but he softens the words with a kiss to Jiang Cheng’s head.

They stay like that for long moments, simply enjoying the closeness of the other, before Jiang Cheng sighs.

“Why?” he can’t help but to softly whisper, even though he knows it’s stupid and that Nie Mingjue just told him.

But it can’t hurt to hear it again.

“Because I love you.”

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng can feel the arousal trickle out of him with every second that passes and he can’t help the frustrated sting of tears.

He tries to hold on to that feeling, tries to keep his grip firm on his flagging cock, but it’s not helping at all. He’s overly aware of the body next to him, of Nie Mingjue’s chin resting against his shoulder, of his breath tickling over his chest and Nie Mingjue’s eyes on him and Jiang Cheng can’t do it.

He stays stubborn for a little while longer, tries to coax his cock back up long past what feels comfortable, but his fading arousal has nothing against his mounting frustration.

“Stop,” Nie Mingjue eventually whispers and tugs lightly on Jiang Cheng’s arm. “My heart, stop.”

“No,” Jiang Cheng chokes out, tears of frustration spilling over. “No, I can, why won’t it just—”

His words almost get swallowed by his sobs and he doesn’t understand why his body can’t just even do this one thing correctly.

“Is it okay if I hug you?” Nie Mingjue lowly asks and Jiang Cheng wants to get up and run away to hide, but he also wants to hide away in Nie Mingjue’s chest, and he would do that if only he wasn’t so damn ashamed that he can’t even do this.

“No,” Jiang Cheng bites out, his instincts completely at odds and he resents Nie Mingjue a little bit for it when he obeys Jiang Cheng’s words.

If Nie Mingjue would simply pull him in, then Jiang Cheng wouldn’t have a choice and it would all be so much easier.

Nie Mingjue doesn’t say anything, simply moves slightly away, so that their bodies are not touching at all anymore and that isn’t what Jiang Cheng wants, either.

“Don’t,” he chokes out and turns on his side, curls up into Nie Mingjue’s chest, completely ignoring that he just said no to that.

Nie Mingjue hesitates for a long moment before he brings his arms up around Jiang Cheng and it’s only then that he can finally relax.

“I’m so sorry,” Jiang Cheng whispers into Nie Mingjue’s chest, because it’s easier than saying that to his face.

“Don’t apologize, it’s alright,” Nie Mingjue whispers into his hair, but Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

It’s not alright. How could it ever be alright if he can’t even do this, if he can’t even give this to Nie Mingjue.

“My heart, we tried. It was a test and it’s okay that it failed,” Nie Mingjue says and Jiang Cheng tries to concentrate on the rumble in his chest rather than his words, because it’s not okay.

How could it ever be okay. Failure is not acceptable.

“Stop that,” Nie Mingjue chastises him with a light pinch to his side. “Failure is human and there’s nothing wrong with it.”

Jiang Cheng snorts at that, because Nie Mingjue cannot possibly believe that but when Nie Mingjue doesn’t say anything else Jiang Cheng abandons his hiding place to glare up at Nie Mingjue.

“You look like an angry cat,” Nie Mingjue teases him, which only makes Jiang Cheng glare harder. “It’s okay, my heart,” Nie Mingjue says with a small smile and presses a kiss to Jiang Cheng’s forehead.

“At least you got something out of it,” Jiang Cheng mutters as he hides his face again, because they got Nie Mingjue’s orgasm out of the way first.

“Is that—was that okay for you?” Nie Mingjue hesitantly asks and Jiang Cheng pokes him in the ribs for it, causing Nie Mingjue to yelp.

“It was,” he courtly says, because seeing Nie Mingjue take his pleasure like that, with Jiang Cheng being close, knowing that his presence alone was doing something for Nie Mingjue was what sparked the arousal in Jiang Cheng in the first place.

In fact it had been so okay for Jiang Cheng that he had thought—hoped—that he could do the same.

Only for his body to betray him like this.

“We talked about that before, didn’t we?” Jiang Cheng asks when Nie Mingjue stays silent.

They had talked about it; Jiang Cheng had expressed interest in seeing Nie Mingjue pleasure himself and they had laid out what kind of contact Jiang Cheng thought would be acceptable for him.

They hadn’t talked about Jiang Cheng trying the same, though; they had just gone with the flow and Jiang Cheng hated himself for how it blew up in his face.

“Sometimes talking about it and actually doing it is different,” Nie Mingjue reasoned. “You would have said if you didn’t actually want it in that moment, right?” Nie Mingjue asks him and Jiang Cheng takes a moment to think that over.

It seems to be a moment too long, because Nie Mingjue makes a desperate noise.

“My heart!”

“I would have,” Jiang Cheng finally says, because when he had tried it had all felt so wrong and he would have stopped sooner or later, too. He trusts that he would have told Nie Mingjue to stop as well, if he had felt the same just watching Nie Mingjue.

“Okay,” Nie Mingjue breathes out, clearly not completely assured but willing to take it.

“And you would have stopped,” Jiang Cheng can’t help but to bitterly say, because he would have robbed Nie Mingjue of his pleasure too with that.

“Of course I would have,” Nie Mingjue immediately says and rolls on his back, his arms still secure around Jiang Cheng so that he comes to rest on top of him.

“Why?” Jiang Cheng whispers into Nie Mingjue’s collarbone.

“Because I love you.”

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng is fighting against the sting of tears, his breath coming out roughly, but he still keeps his shoulders straight.

“You could have just told me,” he hisses at Nie Mingjue, too tired to scream at him yet again, and his anger only boils hotter when Nie Mingjue rolls his eyes at him.

“So that you could spoil our surprise for Xichen?” Nie Mingjue tauntingly says and Jiang Cheng clenches his hands into fists.

“So instead you decided to meet with Meng Yao in secret,” Jiang Cheng coldly says and the knowledge sits heavy in his gut.

He is reasonably sure that Nie Mingjue wouldn’t cheat on him—would never do that to any partner—but there is history between Meng Yao and him. 

Meng Yao knows things about Nie Mingjue that not even Jiang Cheng does, things that Nie Mingjue shared with him but not with Jiang Cheng, and on bad days that knowledge sinks its fangs deep into the most insecure parts of Jiang Cheng.

And today is not a good day.

“I decided to meet with a friend to plan our other friend’s birthday party,” Nie Mingjue gives back but Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

“You could have just told me,” he yells at Nie Mingjue, his anger taking the better of him again. “Instead I had to hear it from that snake, taunting me and making it sound like something that it’s not!”

Jiang Cheng knows damn well that Meng Yao has his eyes on Nie Mingjue, even though he already has Lan Xichen and Meng Yao never lets Jiang Cheng forget about it.

“If you know that it wasn’t what he implied, why are you so goddamn mad?” Nie Mingjue yells right back and it shuts Jiang Cheng up immediately.

He knows the answer to that—they both know that the answer is that he’s just too insecure—but Jiang Cheng can’t say it out loud. He can’t admit to that, not to himself and least of all to Nie Mingjue.

“Gods, you’re so goddamn infuriating sometimes,” Nie Mingjue hisses when Jiang Cheng doesn’t answer, and he walks right past Jiang Cheng, not even sparing him one look.

Jiang Cheng hears Nie Mingjue stalk off to the kitchen, angrily getting the things ready for their dinner and he lowers his head in shame as relief curls through him.

Nie Mingjue reassures him regularly that he doesn’t mind them fighting—It’s to be expected with both their tempers, really—but there is always that grain of doubt, telling Jiang Cheng that this time it was too much, that Nie Mingjue has enough of him.

They make sure to never walk out of the apartment after a fight, at least not until they calmed down and talked it through but Jiang Cheng thinks it cannot be long before Nie Mingjue simply walks away from him.

That thought terrifies him to his bones more than any fight ever could.

Jiang Cheng turns around on his heels and follows Nie Mingjue into the kitchen, not stopping until he collides with Nie Mingjue’s backside, hiding his face in his neck and slinging his arms around his middle.

Nie Mingjue sighs and puts a hand over his arms but he doesn’t say anything.

“Why?” Jiang Cheng eventually gets out and he squeezes Nie Mingjue harder when he leans back into him.

There are a million things he could mean with that, questions that would fit the situation—why put up with me, why stay if I’m so infuriating, why not tell me to fuck off—but they both know that he’s not asking for any deeper explanation.

He’s just reassuring himself and Nie Mingjue doesn’t disappoint.

“Because I love you,” he says and then turns around so that he can hug Jiang Cheng to his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Jiang Cheng says, the admission almost easy when he can say it into Nie Mingjue’s chest. “I just hate how he talks to me, how he makes everything sound like you did something indecent, like I should worry.”

“I know,” Nie Mingjue says and he scrubs a hand over his face. “And I tell him repeatedly to stop that.”

“He just doesn’t listen to you,” Jiang Cheng finishes with a whisper.

“He doesn’t,” Nie Mingjue agrees. “But you know I’m not—”

“Seeing him, yes,” Jiang Cheng cuts him, because he never doubted Nie Mingjue in that regard.

“I’m not even his friend,” Nie Mingjue tells him and rests his head on top of Jiang Cheng’s. “I burned that bridge a while back.”

This is the first time Nie Mingjue says it so clearly, even though Jiang Cheng has had his suspicions about it and he hugs Nie Mingjue harder.

“I just met with him because he said he was planning a surprise party for Xichen and heard that I played with the same thought and he wanted to coordinate.”

“You could have told me,” Jiang Cheng pouts and Nie Mingjue laughs at that.

“My heart, we both know you would crumble the moment Xichen smiles at you,” Nie Mingjue huffs out and Jiang Cheng blushes slightly.

It’s no secret that he has the utmost respect for Lan Xichen, so much so that Nie Mingjue was convinced for the longest time that he was in love with Lan Xichen instead of him. 

“You’re probably right,” Jiang Cheng reluctantly agrees and Nie Mingjue squeezes him tight before he lets go of him.

“I know,” he says with a wink and then turns back around to their dinner.

Jiang Cheng settles down at the table, content to watch Nie Mingjue prepare their food and when Nie Mingjue puts a steaming bowl in front of him, Jiang Cheng tilts his head up for a kiss.

Nie Mingjue gives him a small smile before he indulges Jiang Cheng and Jiang Cheng can’t help but to ask again.

“Why?” he whispers and Nie Mingjue kisses him harder before he pulls away.

“Because I love you.”

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng is shaking when they step out of his parent’s house.

Jiang Cheng and Nie Mingjue have been together for two years at this point, but this is the first time his parents asked to see Nie Mingjue, allowed Jiang Cheng to bring him and Jiang Cheng wishes he would have been more suspicious.

He wishes he never allowed Nie Mingjue to come.

“My heart,” Nie Mingjue says and Jiang Cheng flinches, before he sharply turns away from him.

Nie Mingjue knows that Jiang Cheng’s relationship with his parents is difficult, that many, many of Jiang Cheng’s insecurities come from them, but to have him see it—

Jiang Cheng can’t take it.

“I’m walking home,” Jiang Cheng whispers, walking away from Nie Mingjue without looking at him, but Nie Mingjue doesn’t let him.

“Don’t be stupid, my heart, it’s too far.”

“I don’t care,” Jiang Cheng snaps and tugs on his hand, but Nie Mingjue’s grip doesn’t falter.

“You don’t have to talk, but you’re not walking home,” Nie Mingjue says again and Jiang Cheng knows him well enough to realize that he’s not going to budge on this.

“Fine,” Jiang Cheng snaps and stalks up to the car, waiting with crossed arms for Nie Mingjue to unlock it so he can get in.

They drive in silence for the most part, but at one point Nie Mingjue looks over at him and Jiang Cheng knows what’s coming.

“My heart,” Nie Mingjue starts, but Jiang Cheng can’t.

Not yet.

“You said I don’t have to talk,” he snaps out and Nie Mingjue falls silent again.

They spend the rest of the drive home like this, Jiang Cheng angrily staring outside, and Nie Mingjue concentrating hard on the road.

Jiang Cheng is out of the car before Nie Mingjue brings it to a full stop and by the time Nie Mingjue closes the door behind him, Jiang Cheng is already pacing the living-room.

He can’t decide if he wants to hide away or if he wants to bring this confrontation behind him and his indecision kept him in the living-room.

He can still flee from here, Jiang Cheng reasons with himself when Nie Mingjue looks at him challengingly.

“You ready to talk yet?” Nie Mingjue wants to know and Jiang Cheng bares his teeth at him.

“Do I look like I’m ready to talk?” Jiang Cheng bites out and he really wishes that Nie Mingjue would leave him alone, just this once.

Jiang Cheng is sure that this talk will end with Nie Mingjue leaving him—who could ever love him when his own parents don’t even care for him—and if he can just put one more evening between that dinner and this talk, maybe he can remind Nie Mingjue that Jiang Cheng is worth keeping.

“I don’t think you’ll ever be ready to talk about this, so I’m simply not taking that chance,” Nie Mingjue gives back and Jiang Cheng bristles at his words.

“Oh, now you’re eager to talk? Now?” Jiang Cheng hisses. “You couldn’t be bothered to tell me that you and Meng Yao are not even friends anymore and you couldn’t be bothered to even ask me how I feel about Lan Xichen, but now you want to talk? You’re so eager to—to—”

Jiang Cheng wishes he could keep on to his anger, but what’s slowly filling him is the absolute terrifying thought that Nie Mingjue is going to leave him.

There’s nothing but dread in Jiang Cheng and it’s not enough to sustain his anger.

“To do what, huh?” Nie Mingjue shoots back, and it seems like Jiang Cheng’s anger ebbed away only to flow into Nie Mingjue.

“To break up with you? To leave you, like your parents begged me to? You think that’s what I’m going to do?” he demands to know and Jiang Cheng flinches with every word.

He knew that it would be inevitable. Jiang Cheng never gets to keep a good thing.

“Aren’t you?” Jiang Cheng whispers, too afraid to put even a little bite into his voice and Nie Mingjue walks up to him with three big steps.

He takes Jiang Cheng’s chin in his hand and forces him to look at Nie Mingjue, even though Jiang Cheng does his best to keep his eyes away from him.

“Ask me,” Nie Mingjue demands and Jiang Cheng feels like crying.

“That’s cruel,” he gets out but Nie Mingjue is relentless. 

“Ask me,” he hisses and shakes Jiang Cheng a bit, despite his struggles.

“No,” Jiang Cheng mutters, because if he does and Nie Mingjue doesn’t say what he usually says then that’s it.

It could all end right here and Jiang Cheng isn’t ready for that.

“Is that really how much you trust me? Is that what our relationship comes down to?” Nie Mingjue wants to know when Jiang Cheng stays stubbornly silent and that cuts Jiang Cheng just as much.

He trusts Nie Mingjue with so much; it’s unfair that Nie Mingjue implies anything else here.

“Ask. Me,” Nie Mingjue growls out again and this time Jiang Cheng meets his eyes, though his vision is a bit blurry with tears.

“Why?” he hoarsely whispers, shaking in fear as he waits for the inevitable end.

“Because I love you,” Nie Mingjue gives back without hesitation and Jiang Cheng is pretty sure that his knees buckle.

Nie Mingjue quickly gathers him up in his arms even as they do sink to the floor right there in the middle of their living-room. 

“I love you, and nothing what they say or demand can change that,” Nie Mingjue says as he nuzzles Jiang Cheng’s temple and he doesn’t even complain when Jiang Cheng clings to him.

“Nothing?” Jiang Cheng wants to know, because it’s not possible, it’s not possible that even after everything Nie Mingjue heard and witnessed today he still loves him.

“Nothing. And especially not something like this. It’s their fault they can’t see how amazing you are, it’s their fault that they can’t love you. But I’m not the same. I see you. I know you. And I’m not going to leave you for anything in the world.”

Jiang Cheng starts to sob uncontrollably at that, and Nie Mingjue holds him through all of it.

They don’t get up for the longest time, even after Jiang Cheng stopped crying, but Nie Mingjue keeps him safely in his arms.

Jiang Cheng feels wrung out, completely drained of energy, and he’s very content to keep his head on Nie Mingjue’s shoulder instead of moving away and it doesn’t seem like Nie Mingjue objects to that, either.

The question burns on Jiang Cheng’s tongue he’s so desperate to hear Nie Mingjue’s answer again but this time there is no fear stopping him.

“Why?” he croaks out, and Nie Mingjue hums before he answers him.

“Because I love you.”

~*~*~

Nie Mingjue is nervous about something, Jiang Cheng can tell, but he doesn’t seem to be ready to speak about it yet, so Jiang Cheng isn’t pushing him. Much.

He can’t help the scathing glances he throws him whenever Nie Mingjue fidgets in an entirely uncharacteristic manner and seeing as that seems to make Nie Mingjue even more nervous, Jiang Cheng definitely notices it.

They’ve had a rough few weeks; Meng Yao—now Jin Guangyao—spilled some company secrets he shouldn’t have known and the Lan’s, the Nie’s and even the Jiang’s are scrambling to recover from that.

It’s a whole mess, and even though neither Jiang Cheng nor Nie Mingjue are actively involved in their families’ companies the tension of it all managed to reach even them.

Jiang Cheng and Nie Mingjue have been fighting more often than not during the last two weeks, both their tempers running high, but they always managed to talk it out in the end. 

Or at least that’s what Jiang Cheng had thought; now, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

“What’s wrong with you today?” Jiang Cheng bites out when Nie Mingjue shifts uneasily on the couch again, because he can’t stand this.

He would rather they fight than have this strange in-between state they have going right now. The uncertainty of what’s bugging Nie Mingjue is eating away at Jiang Cheng.

“I have a question,” Nie Mingjue says and he sounds ready to faint, which really worries Jiang Cheng half to death.

“Then ask, goddamit, don’t make me worry about you,” he snaps out and is relieved to see the smallest of smiles curl around Nie Mingjue’s mouth.

Can’t be that bad then, if he still finds Jiang Cheng’s temper amusing, Jiang Cheng hopefully thinks.

“What would you say if I asked you to marry me?” Nie Mingjue asks after a long moment and Jiang Cheng goes completely still.

“Are you proposing to me? Do you even have a ring?” he wants to know, his brain completely shut off with that question.

“No! It’s just—we never talked about that. I don’t know what you think about marrying me,” Nie Mingjue admits, his voice low and Jiang Cheng thinks back to all the fights they recently had.

“You think I would say no,” he whispers, and Nie Mingjue flinches.

With how big of a mess Jiang Cheng usually is, it’s easy to forget that Nie Mingjue has his issues, too, though he’s generally much more put together than Jiang Cheng. It seems like the last few weeks grated on him too.

“I’m not sure,” Nie Mingjue admits. “I mean, why would you agree? Look at us, we do nothing but fight.”

“We also always make up,” Jiang Cheng shoots back but Nie Mingjue shakes his head.

“You must be so goddamn tired of me and my anger issues.”

At that, Jiang Cheng can’t help but to snort.

“Yeah, right. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. I’m no better than you.”

“That’s not right,” Nie Mingjue says with a shake of his head. “You implode. You turn your anger on yourself, usually, and sometimes on me. But I explode. It just all goes to you and everyone else. I mean look at what happened. Xichen won’t even talk to me anymore.”

“He’ll come around. It’s not your fault he trusted that fucking snake,” Jiang Cheng tells him and his voice doesn’t allow any argument, though Nie Mingjue seems ready to try anyway.

“No, my soul, it’s not your fault. He just needs someone to blame for now, but he’ll realize soon enough that he has to shoulder some of that blame himself.”

“It doesn’t change anything,” Nie Mingjue says with a shake of his head. “You still always, always bear the brunt of my anger. Why would you agree to do that for the rest of your life?”

“Maybe because we also always make up? Maybe because we’re both fucking messes? I mean, come on, why would you ever agree to marry me? I’m practically made out of insecurities and issues, why would you want that?”

“Because I love you,” Nie Mingjue immediately says and Jiang Cheng nods. 

“Exactly. Maybe it’s time you ask me the same,” Jiang Cheng says and he’s not prepared for all the emotions he sees on Nie Mingjue’s face when he looks at him.

“I don’t—I know you love me,” he whispers back, but Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

“But maybe you need to hear it. I know I’m not good at saying it often, not like you are, so maybe you just need to hear it,” Jiang Cheng tells him and cups Nie Mingjue’s face in his hand.

“Ask me,” Jiang Cheng whispers and Nie Mingjue closes his eyes.

“Why, Jiang Cheng? Why?” he finally whispers and Jiang Cheng hears all the unspoken questions.

Why won’t you leave? Why are you staying with me? Why would you agree to marry me? Why are you always fighting with me but never hold it against me?

And there’s really only one answer to all of it.

“Because I love you.”

Turns out NMJ does have a ring and JC does say yes. By the time they get to the wedding planning LXC is just as much involved as he was in LWJ's. It all turns out okay.

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E113 (Oct. 27, 2020)

Good evening and good night, lovely people of the world! We’re on the internet and ready to go. Tonight’s guests are Travis Willingham and Sam Riegel. This will be calm, controlled, and sane, I can feel it. Brian points out it’s been seven months since either of them were on Talks. Oof. (Sam asks if it’s been going the whole time without him. Bigger oof.) Travis keeps sneaking bites out of an acai bowl or something and tries to look sneaky about it, and I laugh every time because he’s just...so big. He’s such a big person.

(Brian is wearing a lobstrosity shirt. He and Travis talk about Dark Tower for a bit; then Sam tries to get into the conversation: “Is that the thing from It?” Brian: “Is what the thing from It?” Sam: “Is that lobster the clown from It? I’m not very literate. Is that a Langolier? Is that a Shawshank?”)

Announcements: none! Maybe they just forgot. We’ve been talking about Sam’s spooky skeleton decorations for like five minutes. Brian suggests taking them to Travis’s house. Travis: “That’s the fastest way to get to the smell of burning plastic.” Brian: “Speaking of your girlfriend...”

On Avantika: Fjord wouldn’t call it a relationship as much as a casual sexual interaction. Not official! Super not official!!

The first sea voyage wasn’t great for Fjord, but he tried to be thoughtful about preparing for this one before they left: praying, kneeling at the bow of the ship, etc. He’s a little disappointed the Wildmother didn’t even throw him a “yo, fam” heads up.

They weren’t sure how to resolve the conflict at first, since Avantika went for Fjord rather than the crystal. No one expected it to get exposed in that way. Travis thought the necklace was a pocket dimension and was alarmed to learn it wasn’t. Travis wants it destroyed along with the third gateway, so until they are he won’t rest easy.

Everyone enjoyed watching them all fail on the battlefield again. (Sam: “You used [Counterspell] so effectively!”) Travis thought he’d said Thunder Step, which would imply Avantika was running, rather than Thunder Wave. Sam says it’s fine since none of them have that spell and he wouldn’t know it anyway.

It’s very difficult for Veth to find reasons to stay with the M9. She loves the adventures and making a difference, but she also wants to come home and have weekends and have a husband and life. “She’s a career girl!” He’s very excited about the possibilities of Caleb’s transportation effectively creating an easy commute for her. He also, as a player, doesn’t want to be the person who’s always leaving the party. “My characters wanna roam!”

Travis was fully tilted that Avantika might have gotten away right before the break. He doesn’t think he could have focused on Vess DeRogna’s task knowing Avantika had gotten away; he was seriously working out how Fjord would leave the party to go make a last stand at the third gate if she’d escaped.

Sam looooves how Matt plays Yeza, but it honestly makes him feel a little worse at how encouraging he is for Veth to chase her dreams. “He’s always like - go shine! Go blossom!” He wants to have the conversation about Yeza feeling a little ignored. It’s fun to share the tales of adventures with Luc & Yeza. 

Travis says there’s no way it’s Molly--it’s all Lucien. They don’t know if it was a resurrection, if he’s undead, possessed, etc. Everyone--everyone--rags on Taliesin’s accent work. Brian surreptitiously claims Ashly was brought on to relieve him of the burden of the accent. Poor Ashly, ha!

Initially, Travis landed on the Oath of the Ancients, but it had more nature & pacifism in it than he felt fit Fjord very well. Many of them also had a focus on good & lawfulness, which also didn’t feel quite right; he also wasn’t that vengeful for some of the others. He & Matt got together and discussed options. Matt asked what Travis liked about Fjord; Fjord’s love for the ocean was a huge part of it, since Travis himself also loves the ocean & scuba diving, and so Matt created a custom oath for him. Travis does not plan to post its details, but he thinks Matt will at some point.

Cosplay of the Week! a lovely Scanlan by Air Bubbles Cosplay! Sam tells us the “canon” Scanlan cosplay was actually borrowed hodgepodge, and the boots were falling off all day.

It was really cool to see how Yeza & Luc have made a home in Nicodranas. Felderwin was okay, but kind of your basic D&D fishing village, and she likes the Nicodranas is much better. She’s confident & comfortable knowing her family is safe and sound.

Why is Fjord so interested in finding Sabian? To him, post-orphanage, his time with Vandren was the best of his life & the most love he’d ever received, because he mattered & had worth. It was taken by someone he’d known basically his whole life, so Fjord is not going to let that go. “That fuckin’ bill needs to be paid, my friend.”

Sam acknowledges that he should NOT have looked at his phone in re: the Vilya reveal, but it was pretty surprising! He can’t believe none of them recognized it! Travis points out the M9 had never met, heard of, or known anything about Vilya, so it’s not that surprising. Brian points out Matt has also done a really good job keeping the two campaigns separate, so any references were tasteful. Sam marvels that it was so well done: it was tasteful, had emotional and story impact... “That Matt. He’s getting better!”

Liam texted Sam back something like “oh SHIT.”

Knowing Veth had a chance to help someone else return to her child made Veth feel almost karmically forgiven for being away from her kid, but it also made Veth a little guilty--”this lady wants to desperately return home, shouldn’t I want to go home too?” Caleb’s teleportation spell couldn’t have come a better time.

Sam wants Caleb & Astrid to get back together (well, he says “hump each other”), and Dani’s eyebrows climb off her forehead. Veth/Nott really thinks Caleb needs to have a roll in ze hay, and feels like after meeting her that there is a kindness or vulnerability to her that could be worthwhile. Travis thinks she feels like someone tethered, that it feels like she has a bomb or something in her chest that’ll explode if she tries to leave. Sam thinks Eadwulf is super cool. None of these names are spelled like I think.

Travis found the dinner super frustrating, because he felt Caleb was trying to walk a diplomatic line and he just wanted to backhand Trent. 

Fjord is still coming to terms with his feelings for Jester, and the feelings are definitely real, but there’s a lot of timing that he’s considering and he also wants to figure out what the relationship is like outside of constant tension and battle. Fjord is also having trouble figuring out how to exercise the ability to display affection as well since he’s never received them, and is feeling out how to give and receive them. “It’s fine now, because he’s feeling it, but once you say it out loud, or once you come to a point where you make it known to the other side, then what happens? It might be ruined. It might be broken. Or it might not be!” The moment with the porcelain unicorn was too good not to try. Travis also sighs that he’s not a romance D&D guy, “but now I am! Fuckin’ Laura Bailey!” He’s definitely feeling it out and will see how it unfolds in the game.

If Jester hadn’t let go of the Traveler, Fjord would have either attacked the Traveler or the Moonweaver and tried to kick them both off.

Sam doesn’t think the Traveler’s realized yet what a dick he is. Brian thinks it may not happen in this campaign, but agrees the full weight of what he deserves hasn’t been felt yet. Travis: “Yeah, he came to the edge, but it didn’t cost him anything.” Brian: “Yeah, he’s a real edgelord.”

Fanart of the Week! a beautiful portrait of Molly in the snow by @claygryphon on twitter.

Veth acknowledges that they work for shady people with shady pasts, so Vess DeRogna isn’t her first rodeo, but this time it’s personal. It’s Jaws 2: Electric Boogaloo. Sam can’t commit to actual actions, since Vess is like level 20 or something, but “I will get some kinda revenge. Be it petty or significant, I will get revenge.”

How are they feeling about being in Eiselcross? They’ve only just landed, so not sure yet. The cold is intimidating. They’re excited to explore a new island that’s part of Wildemount, especially with the river of lava running through it. “It’s icy with lava? Sounds like a Dairy Queen.”

There’s still a ton of unknowns regarding the Tombtakers, Vess, the nature of their job, and who’s here on whose orders. They’re excited to see how it’s all going to play out. Travis laughs that he doesn’t take notes, he’s just here to fight things. It just washes over him when Matt starts talking about names and places. “It’ll reveal itself in time. [...] I don’t write those notes down. I don’t even know how to spell it off the bat.” I have never identified more with Travis. Sam actually does pay attention and take notes and was really impressed by Marisha’s dive.

Veth became interested in branding her own spellcraft as soon as she saw Caleb doing it. “That’s what the influencer agents are gonna be looking at. It would be nice to leave the world better than we found it, but also with some branded spells.”

What were Fjord’s thoughts on dropping so much money on the ring & the Ioun stone? It wasn’t about money for Fjord, it was about a cool thing to acquire. It’s why he saves money in his campaign. Caleb needs “as much of a flak jacket as he can get.” He also REJECTS the idea of buyer’s remorse on the ring and touts the effectiveness it’ll have on the lava river.

Travis talks about his old coins - a 340AD coin he bought at a ren faire and a 120BC coin that was a gift from a friend.

Sam marvels at the love and thought that Caleb put into the tower. Sam points out they forgot to go to the top two floors altogether. Travis: “Did the mansion get as much careful planning from Scanlan as the tower did from Caleb?” Sam: Absolutely not. But they were still thinking small in C1, figuring out how things went, and they didn’t have as much detail in their heads yet.

And that’s all the time we have for tonight! We end on everyone whispering way too close into their mics and tapping fingernails on mason jars. A fitting end to this crazy episode, I think.

Is it Thursday yet?

[molsno]

I’m skipping the middleman on that trans ask game and just answering all the questions myself <3

this is long so it’s under a read more

1. How did you choose your name?

in senior year of high school, while I was in french class, I was thinking about the word vivre, to live, and how it conjugated. I forget what tense it is, but one way of conjugating it is “nous vivions”, and it dawned on me that the name vivian is based on the word vivre (or its latin origin). of course, I already liked the name due to the character from paper mario ttyd, but knowing that it means life really spoke to me, as I think the ability to live is a precious thing that shouldn’t be wasted. I decided pretty much then and there that I would name my daughter vivian some day. well... then I got the chance to play a character in my friend’s danganronpa killing game, and I thought playing a girl would be interesting. granted, I also already knew I was an egg and saw this as an opportunity to try out my favorite name, so I created vivian tamochi. as you might have guessed, I loved being her so much that I made vivian my actual name

2. What gives you the most dysphoria?

um, hearing recordings of my own voice probably. I always think that I sound very feminine but then I hear a recording of myself and it sounds like a bad impression

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

more social I guess? actually yeah I think all of the dysphoria-induced breakdowns I’ve had have been because of social things

4. What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

something that helps a lot is shaving, especially when it’s a fullbody shave

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

this is a bit embarrassing but it was honestly christmas eve 2018. I saw my little cousin (I think she was 8 at the time) wearing a pretty dress and I felt sort of jealous that I never got to do that when I was her age. I was so confused about this feeling that I told my trans friend kyra about it and after asking me to clarify what I meant she linked me to the egg_irl subreddit. that was the first time I seriously considered it

6. When did you realize you were transgender?

I told my friend amanda how I’d been confused about my gender and she offered to take me to goodwill to try on some clothes. I was extremely nervous about it while we were there and I really had to work up the courage to not only pick out some clothes to try, but also take them to the fitting room with me. but once I put on a skirt for the first time I stood there for like a solid 5 minutes just looking at myself in the mirror with the biggest happiest smile on my face. in that moment I finally understood what gender euphoria was. I couldn’t deny I was trans any longer, it was just a matter of working up the courage to tell people

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender?

um, probably that I feel like a person now. also the little things, like seeing my hips get bigger or looking at how long my hair has gotten. just little things to smile about!

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?

um, I’m girl <3

9. How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

I mean it depends on who, but I decided to do it on national coming out day 2019, in my discord server with friends. basically I commented on it being national coming out day and reposted my intro in the introductions channel with my new name and pronouns. everyone there sorta saw it coming I’m pretty sure

10. What have your experiences been with packing or tucking?

I’ve tucked a few times in public. it’s uncomfortable for sure, but not terrible once you get used to it. the idea of it made me squeamish at first, I’ll admit. but since I haven’t had much excuse to go out in girlmode the past year or so, I haven’t tucked much

11. What are your experiences with binding or wearing breast forms?

the closest I’ve ever gotten to wearing breast forms is wearing a bra every day for..... almost a year now? it doesn’t serve much purpose other than letting me feel something there, though that is changing since I’ve been on hrt for several months

12. Do you pass?

I mean... probably not? I feel like I’m very visibly trans. there have been like two times where I’ve been gendered correctly in public (one in girlmode, one not) but those are extremely rare

13. What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

well I’ve been on hrt for 8 months now so that’s one thing. I want to get laser hair removal for my facial hair because that’s one of the biggest sources of dysphoria for me, but yknow. that’s expensive! according to my understanding my insurance supposedly should cover bottom surgery, but I’m honestly in no rush to get that. I don’t really have much bottom dysphoria, but it would be nice to get surgery some day

14. How long have you been out?

it’s been about a year and two months now...... time flies

15. What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

up until I was like 17 I was incredibly insistent on being cis and straight despite very obvious (in retrospect) signs to the contrary. around 18 I was very confused why all my friends were lgbt in some form and also I kinda started realizing I don’t mind dick, and I thought it would all make sense if I was bi. I identified as cis and bi for like 4 years or so but the longer it went on the more wrong it felt considering I had never once during that time been attracted to a man

16. Have you ever experienced transphobia?

surprisingly not really? the most transphobia I’ve experienced has been a result of automated processes like proctored testing or emails. of course, I’ve seen all the nasty shit that terfs say about people like me, but I’ve never been a victim of it directly

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

if there is a universal restroom that I can lock from inside then I use that. if not, I sigh dramatically and sadly use the men’s room

18. How does your family feel about your trans identity?

truthfully I don’t know. my mom seems accepting enough, but with the pandemic going on I haven’t talked to her much. I know my sister is aware, and shockingly she seems supportive too, but we haven’t talked about it in depth

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

if I could go stealth I would. I’m sorry but I don’t want to be visibly trans

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

the sooner you start transitioning the happier you’ll be. by denying this part of yourself you’re just making yourself miserable

21. Why do you use the pronouns you use?

she/her makes me happiest. I’ve (against my will, mind you) used they/them and been called molsno in a group that I wasn’t out in, and..... it made me feel..... distant, I guess? it was better than he/him, but it felt much less personal

22. Do your neurodivergencies and/or disabilities affect your gender?

I mean...... yeah? as a trans lesbian it’s very easy for me to hate masculinity given how it’s instilled nothing but negative feelings in me literally my entire life, and being autistic makes it harder to understand how the things I say about gender negatively impact the people around me

23. What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

the fear that I may never be able to believe I can be loved as a woman, probably

24. What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?

coming out nearly everywhere and getting on hrt!

25. What do you wish cis people understood?

I desperately wish cis people understood even the basics of trans issues. still to this day many cis people don’t even know the right terminology to use for trans people. they think “trans man” and “trans woman” mean the opposite of what they actually mean and that’s just so goddamn frustrating. many of them think transitioning is just bottom surgery and that’s it. like, they don’t know anything about hrt. cis people please educate yourselves on trans issues I’m begging you

26. What impact has being trans had on your life?

it’s affected many aspects of my life but I think the biggest one is that I feel like a person now. I always felt like a robot, or like someone putting on a performance before, but I feel like a human being now

27. What do you do to validate yourself?

ummm... not much really. I guess one thing that has helped is making my character astrid trans? because if I ever think something bad about myself I can stop myself and ask if I would think the same thing about her, and of course the answer is no.

28. How do you feel about trans representation in media?

it’s bad. trans women very rarely get any positive representation. like the only transfem characters that come to mind that I think were handled well were lily hoshikawa from zombieland saga and vivian from paper mario (although even that’s debatable given the english censorship about her gender and the way beldam abuses her in japanese). meanwhile nonbinary representation consists almost exclusively of aliens, shapeshifters, robots, etc. and trans men get literally nothing. like. trans representation is just so abysmal it’s not even funny

29. Who is your favorite trans celebrity?

umm....... I don’t really care about celebrities lol. if I were to answer this question it would be “oh yes I’ve heard of these people”

30. Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

gosh, how could I ever decide? most of my friends are trans so it’s hard to say but if I had to answer.... my friends kyra and modeus were probably the most helpful when I was figuring myself out

31. How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

mostly online

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

I’ll almost certainly still be a woman, and hopefully my transition will have gone well enough that I’ll be able to pass

33. What trans issue are you most passionate about?

healthcare. the difficulty so many people face with getting access to trans healthcare is ridiculous and discriminatory. I’ve written essays for school about this topic and they were the easiest essays I’ve had to write because of how passionate I am about this

34. What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?

pick your head up queen/king/royal, your cat ears are falling down

35. How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?

well I’m white, able bodied, average weight, and I’m about to get a degree in computer science, so I have a lot of privilege that other trans people don’t have. I fully recognize that. it breaks my heart that so many less privileged trans people, particularly trans women of color, are murdered and never even get the justice they deserve. I wish there was more I could do to stop it, but privileged as I am, I’m only one person. I want everyone to be aware of who the major victims of transphobia are. look out for black trans women especially, they need your protection and support most of all

36. What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?

not much. I’m a woman with a very feminine gender expression, when I’m free to be. the biggest feminine thing that I don’t do is makeup, but that’s more due to dysphoria rather than a distaste for it

37. Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?

feminine uwu

38. What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

I am a lesbian and that is very epic of me. I love girls and seeing girls in love makes me happy and imagining myself as a girl in love with another girl makes me even happier

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

I always hate admitting this, but due to personal reasons, my ideal partner is cis. this is mostly because I very much want to have biological children, and that’s simply not possible with another trans woman. I wouldn’t rule out an afab nonbinary person entirely, it just really depends on how comfortable said person is with femininity and also how they feel about dating a lesbian. if not for my desire to have kids (which is not something I’m willing to compromise on since it has been my lifelong dream) I would have a lot more options. truth be told, cis women kind of scare me, and it would be so much easier to date someone who fundamentally understands what it’s like to be trans. but biology is cruel unfortunately

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

it was incredibly difficult. thankfully, it didn’t last very long. I only had to wait about 6 months, and most of that time was spent waiting until I was able to bank sperm because I didn’t want to risk becoming permanently infertile after starting hrt

41. What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?

ngl...... reddit. the trans boards have many, many helpful resources for transfem people. I don’t really go there anymore but it was immensely helpful in the early stages

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

I mean..... yeah, but not very much anymore on account of the pandemic. I made a few trans friends junior year of college and we still talk occasionally, but it’s been several months since I last saw them all

43. Are you involved in any trans-related activism?

not really 😔

44. Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.

“Wow Vivi how come you’re so epic?”

I was born this way <3

[tysonrunningfox]

Toothless: Return to the Black Pony of Second Chances: Part 7

This is fast but also I am practicing. 

Ao3

I didn’t expect Astrid to actually come find me the next time she has to go into town. 

Honestly, I expected her to pretend that we never ran into each other in the barn.  And she basically did, barring the fact that she now critiques how I pet Toothless at least once a day. 

I picked his feet.  He didn’t like it at all, and I wish I’d spent longer practicing with Stormfly.  I’d risk going into Stormfly’s stall when Astrid isn’t there, except I already feel endangered by the fact I’m aware of her summer school status.  I guess Fishlegs is still alive, but also, he’s been on chicken coop duty for the last three mornings, so I don’t want to trade. 

Anyway, I didn’t expect an invitation to town when Astrid found me after morning chores. 

She looks the best and the scariest that any teenage girl has ever looked with mud smudged under her jaw and in her hair.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen her clean, or not since church lunches a decade ago, because by the time I’m up she’s already halfway through her pre-morning set of chores.  Seeing her clean would be like seeing Heather without dark makeup and chipped nail polish.  Maybe mud and cow poop is just the Wyoming version. 

I don’t expect Heather to text and I don’t know how to feel about that.  I don’t really want her to when Astrid might get nosy again. 

“Ok, can I trust you to drop the stack of orders in the back at the post office?”  She looks up abruptly, opening the truck door and climbing halfway out before I can even attempt to answer.  There are muddy handprints on the back of her thighs and hay sticking out of her back pocket and I look away at the stack of envelopes in the backseat.  

“Do I look like I’m six?”  

“You act like it,” she counts a stack of money in the envelope she pulled the list out of, frowning a tight frown that would make me feel bad for her if she weren’t always on my ass.  “Meet me in Gobber’s store when you’re done.”  

“You trust me to cross the street all by myself, it’s an honor, Master Hofferson—”

“And don’t talk to anyone in there,” she cuts across me without looking, “we need them to like us in case we need any favors.”  

“I’m glad you reminded me because I was going to ask each and every individual about their cows.”  

She shakes her head and walks off without saying anything else and I hate that more than anything.  I’m pretty sure only one person has ever been done with me before and that was my mom when she drove me to the airport because she couldn’t handle me anymore, but that took a hard-fought decade.  Astrid’s past that point in less than three weeks, her steps smooth and unaffected as she opens the door to Gobber’s store, picking up a basket inside.  

I do what she says and go to the post office, dropping the stack of bills and packages on the counter and waiting for the man behind it to check each one for proper postage.  

“Stoick’s boy, right?”  He asks, checking an address like it’s his job and not someone else’s problem.  

“Uh, yeah.”  

“Heard you were back for the summer,” he looks up and grins slightly, “you don’t happen to remember me, do you?  I babysat you once, you were barely knee high.”  

“I…sorry, I don’t,” I look back at Gobber’s store, hoping Astrid is coming out after efficiently getting everything we need and giving me an excuse to exit this conversation.  

I miss anonymity.  Already.  I miss notoriety being a choice even more.  Here everyone stares because I’m Stoick’s son and because they all remember the accident and because I’m new in town and that practically makes me a bigger tourist attraction than the world’s biggest cow turd or whatever passes for interesting around here.  I could drop my pants on the side of the road and if anyone was around to see it they’d just pass it off on the city ruining me, when really it’s an almost insufferable lack of self control only made worse by the fact Astrid sees me as a responsibility to keep busy and out of trouble.  And the fact is that when everything is boring, trouble is obvious.  

“Bucket,” he taps the side of his head and it clangs like skulls don’t, “old army nickname, you might remember that at least.”  

“Oh yeah,” I lie, because the only thing worse than people acting like my leg doesn’t make me different is acting like I should feel the same, “I bet I got a kick out of that.”  

“All the kids do,” he finally drops the packages in a bin behind the counter, “I’ll let your father know if he gets anything else in, maybe I’ll see you again when you come to pick it up.”  

“Yeah, sure.  Maybe.”  I feel like I’m supposed to say goodbye because it doesn’t matter what I do, it all feels rude in some way.  Like I’m in a minefield of backcountry etiquette laser triggers and tripping one means one of those bored, withering looks from Astrid.  And probably an assignment to clean the next most disgusting poop to what she already made me clean.  

“See you around!”  Bucket does wave and I sort of raise my hand as I’m opening the door and stumbling out into the wind-blown parking lot.  

There’s an honest to god tumbleweed against the tire of the truck and I sigh, opening the door to Gobber’s store and flinching at the loud bell that jingles and announces me.  Astrid and two guys I don’t recognize all look over and she’s the first to look away.  One of the guys is younger and behind the counter, leaning on his elbows like he needs to see Astrid’s list.  The other is older and the first person I’ve seen wearing anything but filthy jeans since I crossed the state border.  It’s just slacks and a button up shirt and tie, but it stands out as much as the fact that he’s the kind of attractive that only appears in proximity to girls as hot as Astrid.  

That’s how it always was with Heather, at least, the zone ten feet around her in all directions instantaneously populated with GQ rejects and aspiring young actors or influencers or whatever other title inspires a guy to wake up and do a thousand crunches.  

Astrid glares at me as I approach and I almost want to warn them both, like yes, she’s unreasonably pretty, but at what cost?  Don’t they realize they’d have to deal with her personality too?  And that she snoops and bosses and if you’re ever randomly, instantaneously better than her at something she seethes about it for literal weeks.  

“I mean, normally, shipping on that would be an extra twenty bucks to get it here by Friday, but I think I can take that off as a discount,” the kid behind the counter types something into the geriatric computer and it whirs ominously, “for you, especially.”  

The man in the tie looks irritated.  

“Thanks Gustav,” Astrid flips through her list, apparently clueless and not even looking at me as I walk up to stand next to her, “did you get the mail sent?”  

“Yep, Bucket clanged his head for me and everything.”  

“Mr. Haddock’s son, right?”  The man who is even more clearly not a boy when he opens his mouth and literally talks in a British accent like this all isn’t already ridiculous holds his hand out and I shake it, trying not to wince at that unnecessarily bruising grip.  “I heard you were coming back to town.  I’m Eret.”  

“Back to town?  It doesn’t quite sound like you’re from town.”  

“He’s with the bank,” Astrid says flatly, setting her list on the counter and looking back at me, “and you actually saw Bucket put the envelopes in the bin?  He didn’t just leave them on the counter?”

“I think I know how to mail things.”  It feels oddly like being chastised by my dad in front of people, and more than that, people who apparently don’t like me just for standing reasonably close to Astrid and talking to her.  

“You’re lucky to have Astrid watching out,” Eret, the mysteriously well-dressed British banker man who is honestly reading like a glitch in the Wyoming matrix, says like he wants nothing more than for Astrid to break that unusually bland even for her expression.  “I don’t know how anything would get done without her around.”  

“It wouldn’t,” the guy behind the counter, Gustav, apparently, agrees, giving me a similar glare.  “She practically keeps inventory around here.”  

I feel vaguely like taking off my once white sock and waving it like a flag of surrender.  

“That’s because you don’t,” Astrid rolls her eyes and she’s either mean to everyone or literally so clueless I shouldn’t be mad for her telling everyone that Heather is my girlfriend because maybe she actually thinks that.  

It’s a little weird to see, honestly, because I’ve seen Heather surrounded by hopeful guys dozens if not hundreds of times and she always knows.  She always looks at them differently and ends up with something from the experience, like a date or a free meal or tickets to something impossible.  But Astrid is just standing there, her usual angry, uptight self, like she doesn’t realize what’s going on at all.  

It might be halfway endearing, like all that hard-working self-sacrifice is actually the result of nothing going to her head, if it weren’t for the fact that it’s practically impossible.  She has to know, she has to have some sort of opinion about it.  

Either that or she’s literally incapable of any opinion but annoyance and unattainable expectations.  

“So, ah…” Eret pauses and looks at me like he’s just remembering I’m unfortunately still here.  I know that face too, the one where he’s trying to tell if I’m just incomprehensibly lucky or if I’m following Astrid around like a lost little duckling.  

The answer is neither, and I almost want to tell them that.  I am merely a referee and witness who will probably be on their side at the trial.  

“Hiccup.”  

“Hiccup, right, how long will you be around?”  

“Hopefully just the summer.”  I try to sound bored.  I succeed.  Astrid digs into her pocket for the stack of bills my dad gave her and counts them carefully.  

“That’s what I said, now I’ve been here a year,” he says like he’s claiming some sort of badge over me and I take a step away from Astrid, like proximity is enough to re-state the disinterest my expression obviously isn’t yelling loud enough.  

“I’ve been here fifteen,” Gustav says smugly, counting Astrid’s stack of twenties, “and you’re a little short.  Sorry.”  

“Here,” she reaches over the counter and pulls a pack of socks out of one of the paper bags, “how’s that?”  

“I can just delete the socks from the inventory, you know, it’s not like anyone counts it around here.”  Gustav looks worried, for a second, glaring at Eret about something other than standing too close to probably the only girl who’s going to come in here today.  

“Like I’m going to let you get away with that,” Astrid scoffs, and I don’t think I’ve heard her closer to joking.  It’s not close, by any means, but it’s better.  Less wooden and bossy and proper and it makes me uncomfortable how much it shocks me.  

“True,” Gustav sighs, “five dollars and twenty-five cents is your change.”  

“Thank you,” Astrid puts it right back into the envelope from my dad instead of pocketing it, like five dollars or a pack of socks matter in the long run and I don’t know the last time I’ve felt more out of place, which is really saying something.  “I’m sure I’ll be back like…tomorrow, with how much we run out of things.”  

“I’m not working again until Thursday, if you could like…wait,” Gustav smiles.  I feel for the kid, because at fifteen I sort of was him, thinking Heather would turn around and look if I was there reliably enough.  

And I don’t know Astrid, not in any of the ways that matter, but I also know that giant, attractive, misplaced, well-dressed Brits almost always take precedence over kids willing to steal socks or gum or banana rum shooters from the corner store.  

“Right,” Astrid picks up one of the bags and practically drops it into my arms before I’m ready and picks up the other two herself, “we have to get back, the last couple of cows should be calving any minute and I left Ruffnut all alone with them.”  

“Sounds serious,” Eret moves like he’s going to open the door for her,  but she kicks it open before he can, rolling her eyes when I barely slip through before it closes.  

She buckles the jug of orange juice into the backseat so that it doesn’t fall on the bumpy road and I’m surprised that I know that, that something weird and pastoral and every day is sticking into my mind.  The same way that I know the name of three or four different brushes that all look almost the same and I know how to check Toothless’s gums for how hydrated he is.  

Maybe this is how someone comes here for the summer and ends up staying longer.  

Astrid is buckling her seatbelt when Eret comes back out of the store and practically jogs to her side of the car.  She frowns before rolling down the window, and maybe there’s something to the absolutely, untouchably frigid act because he sticks that package of socks through.  

“Here.”  

“What are you doing?”  

“They were seven dollars, just take them, it’s the least I can do.”  He says it like there’s some veiled importance, like in his year of study he’s learned that packages of calf-length women’s athletic socks are important to Wyoming mating rituals.  Astrid crosses her arms.  

“I’m not a charity case.”  She turns the key in the ignition and jams the truck into reverse like she’s actually going to peel out of the parking lot and take his arm with her.  And as much as I’m inherently uncomfortable in this situation, I’m more uncomfortable being an accomplice to a crazy person literally running someone’s anachronistic, dress shoe clad foot over, so I hold out my hand.  

“I know where her dresser is.”  

He frowns.  He tosses them to me anyway and I actually manage to catch them.  He lingers for a second longer while she refuses to look at him and then pats the side of the truck before walking away.  

“That took longer than it was supposed to,” she rolls up her window as soon as she’s back on the road, turning the radio up a few clicks like attacking me with some ridiculous song about stomping in a corn field is going to keep me from asking questions.  

“That’s what happens when you stop to flirt for fifteen minutes.”  

“What?”  She looks at me, half confused and half her normal accusatory.  

“Come on, even you aren’t that clueless,” I toss the package of socks into the backseat with everything else, “Mr. Statutory and ‘I’ll embezzle for you especially’ Gustav.”  

“Embezzle?”  She frowns, turning too fast onto a dirt road and spewing dust up behind us.  It’s the same sort of confidence she has with Stormfly, like she’s not actually doing anything dangerous because she’s done exactly this so many times that the boundaries are more like brick walls to her.  I don’t think I’ve done anything that repetitively ever and no wonder she’s insane.  “Gustav’s just a kid, and the only kid who would let Gobber hire him instead of making more money on a ranch somewhere.”  

“Because he wants to talk to you, obviously,” I don’t know why I’m doing this, it feels more like advice than an argument, so I turn it back around, “just like the attractive British guy who, of course, would only brave the tiny square of this state that’s directly next to you.”  

“Eret works for the bank.”  

“Yeah, and you have so much banking business to take care of, right, that’s why he’s buying you socks, to win responsibility for your assets.”  

She grits her teeth, signaling again even though there’s no one around and turning left onto another dirt road I don’t think I’ve been on.  

“You really shouldn’t talk about things you don’t understand.”  

“Yeah, and I really appreciate you telling everyone I have a girlfriend that I don’t.”  

“You’re still on that?”  She scoffs, “I said I was sorry.”  

“And it felt so authentic, really.  I’ll be the bigger person and not tell everyone that you’re practically sharing expenses with Mr. Statutory—”

“Stop calling him that, he’s like twenty-three or something,” she glares at him, “you sound crazy.  He’s just someone I know because he works at the bank that has all of the loans for land around here.”  

“Because teenagers know so many bankers.”  

“Why do you care so much?”  She turns again, past the first fence line I recognize as Haddock property.  “Don’t you have anything better to do than worry about who I talk to in town?”  

“Not really.  There’s literally nothing else to do, I don’t get why no one else understands that.”  

“There’s plenty to do, did you forget that you’re the only one who can touch a dangerous horse that’s taking up food and resources?  That’s something to fix, right there, something no one else can even bother you about.”  

“Right, because I know so much about training horses.”  

“You could ask,” she scoffs, “I’m sure someone taught you to do that at some point.”  

I almost blurt out that I’ve never really needed to but that’s a bad idea when there are no witnesses and she’s already mad at me.  

“Who would I ask?”  

“I’ll help you.”  It’s less of an offer and more of an order, “I have an old saddle you can use.”  

“Ok, fine.”  I shrug and look out the window at those two warped trees by my dad’s dingy, wind-blown house.  

“Don’t tell anyone I talked to Eret,” her voice is a little softer, a little more unsure, “Ruffnut’s all about him, I don’t want to deal with that today.”  

00000

I grew up hearing about how beautiful baby animals are. 

And yes, the cow that I helped um…retrieve from the rear of a groaning cow is cute after the cow licked all of the…stuff off of it, but it didn’t seem beautiful, necessarily.  Useful, maybe.  Important. 

More important than handing out flyers outside of a meat-packing plant or avoiding chicken nuggets, but not beautiful. 

Functional. 

Gratifying, especially when Astrid left me alone with it for a second to check the other cow.  Like she might trust me.  Like proving that I can in fact give stacks of letters to a person actually did start to establish some base layer of trust. 

Of course, that all proved false the next morning after mucking stalls when she announced it was time to start training Toothless.

“Do you know if he’s green-broke?”  She asks, hanging the pitchfork back on the wall and wiping her palms on her jeans, seemingly unaware of the hay in her hair. 

“He’s…black.”  I say, pointing through his stall bars. 

“No, is he—green-broke means that he’s comfortable with a saddle.”  She clarifies, already a bit annoyed with me, and honestly it’s more familiar than her being halfway trusting, so I’ll take it. 

I shrug, “I wouldn’t know.” 

She takes a frustrated, determined step towards his stall and Toothless’s nostrils flare, whites of his eyes showing as he tosses his head. 

It seems like Astrid can’t think when she’s standing still. 

I get it, in a way that I think it might be the only glimmer of a thing that we have in common, and she shoves her hands into muddy pockets, looking at me like she hates that she’s depending on me for the concept of a landline. 

A landline she probably doesn’t believe in because what wire survives the wind howling outside. 

“Why are you helping me?”  I ask, the question that’s been on my mind boiling over like the milk Ruffnut didn’t buckle in yesterday when she volunteered to fall on the flirting with Gustav sword. 

It catches Astrid off guard and she sputters for a second before taking a step back from Toothless’s stall, and shrugging. 

“You’ve been…surprisingly non-whiny.”  She shrugs, gesturing pointedly at my arms, sunburned and peeling slightly where they peek out from under the sleeves of my torn H&M flannel that’s rolled halfway up my forearms.  “All things considered.” 

“All things?” 

“For a city kid, you’re surprisingly useful.”  It’s more backhand than compliment, but I don’t hate it, necessarily. 

It’s honest. 

There’s no commentary about potential or effort or how I’m wasting either. 

“Useful.”  I echo the word that’s never been applied to me before. 

“You can’t tell if a horse is green-broke or not but…that’s not your fault.”  She pulls the insult like it’s heavy for her and she expects me to help her heft it and maybe the frosty, general inaccessible thing has its charm, because right now it’s like she’s gesturing to a hay rope that I might even be allowed to access if I weren’t so scrawny. 

“It’s the city’s fault, I know.  Can’t fight the corruption of places being open past 8pm with biceps like these.”  I flex. 

She blinks at me, exhausted, and I don’t know why I suddenly realize that she always has been.  She’s all dark circles and scowl, all slightly too skinny angles in her cheeks, like I always felt when my mom insisted on a stricter than usual vegan kick with no more cooking lessons than she’d had previously. 

“Come on, you can learn on Stormfly.”  She waves me after her, purposeful again, boots clunking heavy on the barn floor as she takes Stormfly’s halter off of its hook.  “We’ll deal with Toothless when you know some of what you’re doing.” 

She says the name with the same tone that her eyes had when she acknowledged my arms and my jeans and my general unacceptability.  Like she accepts it, despite initial reservations. 

Acceptance.  Yet another word I don’t know I’ve had directly applied. 

It’s heavy, like the saddle she promptly plops into my arms.  Which I drop. 

She doesn’t laugh and it feels like an assignment. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Libi & Bobby

Libi: When are you two going to 🎩👞🤵? Bobby: 📌📅 1 week exactly Libi: Are you going to go for the matching look or just complementary 🤔 that's the real question Bobby: 🤞 he don't want a throwback to my mini me days Bobby: cross everything Libi: But you were so cute! 😚 Libi: I doubt he's going to make you dress like anything, when the chances of getting Cass into a bridesmaid dress are less than none Bobby: cute's alright for 👶s and 🐶s Bobby: a cardboard cut out could work for both of us, me lil and Cass 👗👠 Libi: There's plenty of the former, not sure the registry office would be happy about a procession of pooches though Libi: 1. Where are you planning to be? 2. And who are you trying to impress when you get there? Spill Bobby: 🐶💍? 🤔 Bobby: probably not gonna dress you in a 👗 puffy enough for me to hide behind, are they? 💔 Libi: Sadly, I don't think we can convince them hearing-ear dogs are a thing Libi: though, maybe it is worth a 🎯 Libi: Let's 👀 into it Libi: You'll be great though, he wouldn't have picked you if he didn't know you could handle it Bobby: you could convince anyone of anything, including as a massive hint, that there's no need for me to make a speech Bobby: or hold onto valuable 💍 Libi: You make me sound like some kind of evil mastermind, flattering or worrying? Libi: I don't think there's going to be any meringue dresses or big 😭/😂 speeches Libi: and you've met my grandma, and my granddad, for that matter Libi: if there's any 💬 to be had, they'll almost certainly take charge Libi: If you wanted to say something about Jimmy though, we could work on it together and I could do it for you on the day, I don't mind, of course Bobby: less 😈 more like 😎💭😏👏 Bobby: you sure you're not gonna have your hands full filming it? Bobby: bit rude to give you a full plate unless it's got wedding cake on it Libi: I'll take that, thank you 🙇🌹 Libi: I can manage, I don't think I'm going to have many, if any, stereotypical bridesmaid duties Libi: though, we COULD record it beforehand and give it to him as a present Libi: as he's just as likely to be 😳 receiving a speech as you are giving one Bobby: 🎬🌹 Bobby: if it means I can have more than the one go at it, I'll take the closeup Bobby: risk of 😳 and all Libi: You can trust me Libi: Going to threaten to make Cass too 🤪 Libi: he'll 💘 it, I'm sure Libi: what I'm less sure of is if I should put together the 📼 I have 🔮💭 for Janis Bobby: her accent's well strong again he'll love that throwback if nowt else 😉 Bobby: I do trust you and in all your ideas Bobby: 😎💭😏👏 like I just said Bobby: never put a foot wrong, you, Libs Libi: 😅 Libi: It'll be nice to have her back, not that I'll 💬 that to her face Libi: more 😒 than 😳 probably Libi: I try 🩰 Bobby: the dancing! 😳 deffo Bobby: I'll be putting that out of my head now Libi: Okay, there might be SOME dancing Libi: I 🤞 not to film that bit, even for laughs Bobby: only from the neck up, or we're gonna fall out Libi: Never! Bobby: hang on, unless I'm looking at where my feet are going, then don't Libi: Your concentration face IS very endearing Bobby: 😕 or 🤔? Libi: A solid mix of 🤔😋 Libi: we might furrow our brow if we're being VERY serious and having VERY big thoughts, of course 😉 Bobby: 👅 brings us back to cute like a 🐶 a bit Bobby: tell me YOUR big 💭 then, go on Libi: Don't be disrespecting 🐶s even if you want to decline the parallel, sir Libi: WELL Libi: you know my parents made lots of 📹 of their own Libi: and they had their own wedding, and I was bridesmaid then and my mum talked about if I ever had a wedding, and about Junior, Billie, Grace and Janis, their weddings they might have...I thought I could splice bits of her footage and audio with what I get on the day for Janis Libi: but, be honest, does that sound too depressing for words or? Libi: or like I'm making it all about ME and MY mum...I'm conflicted Bobby: I think it's a great idea, Cass would love it if she could have our mum there if she ever gets married, any bit of her Bobby: and that'll be like she's there Bobby: instead of everyone just 👀 an empty chair Libi: I'm glad you think so Libi: I'll probably run it by everyone else first but I can't really spoil the surprise for her beforehand Libi: I know I'd like it too, I think she will Bobby: even if it's a bit sad, it should be sad that your mum is missing it Bobby: and she'll get why you're doing it Libi: It's so strange Libi: seeing that I knew her Bobby: if you need a hand going through the footage, I'll put my concentration face on Bobby: I know there's loads Libi: Thanks 😌 Libi: I'll take you up on that Libi: luckily there is somewhat of a system but there's still a lot to go through, I don't want to miss anything Bobby: 📌📅 tomorrow? Libi: If that works for you Libi: that'd be 👍 Bobby: I'll wake you up 🍳🥓☕️ or the smoke alarm will Libi: 😂 Libi: If nothing, we'll have the ☕☕ Bobby: and I can work a 📱 whatever you wanna order Libi: Very impressive, Bobs Libi: could make you my 2nd unit DoP Bobby: 🙇🌹 Libi: Oh dear Libi: Venus is messaging me Libi: A lot Bobby: 😬 Libi: I think she thinks she's a bridesmaid too Bobby: but she knows how they're planning to do this Libi: Maybe she doesn't? But I'M pretty sure she's not Libi: this is awkward Bobby: you're busy, I'M keeping you busy Libi: She's 8, I can't be rude Libi: Why does she have her own account though 🤔 Bobby: she's 8, loads of other people are about to deal with her ❓❗ Bobby: you don't have to be the one who 💔👸🏽 Libi: 😬 AHH Bobby: put your 👟 on and leave your 📱 behind Bobby: that's my bright idea Libi: Where are we going 📌📅 today? Bobby: we'll let the 🐶s choose Libi: Okay Libi: but I need to bring the 📱 Bobby: I'll give it you back in case of an 🚨 Libi: 😖 Okay Libi: I'll let the adults deal with it before she finds out the 💳 she probably has too Libi: you're right Bobby: I'm saving you from an if where she gets it into her head that YOU'RE saying she can't be a bridesmaid Bobby: 'cause I can 👀 it happening Libi: That would not be good Libi: it's not like a thing thing, I'm only bridesmaid in name, really Libi: and Janis won't care if she wants to wear a massive dress Libi: it's fine Bobby: I can hide behind her when she does, problem solved Libi: We're both happy Libi: though you might have to duck a 🤏 Bobby: 🤞 I don't get taller beforehand Libi: How high do you think her 👠s will be? Libi: more fashionable than me already, that's for sure 😅 Bobby: high as 🌃 Bobby: but you'll be doing too much dancing to bother with any of that Bobby: 👣 Libi: Someone has to make sure you keep planted firmly on yours Bobby: or your video'll end up going viral for everyone to 😂🤣 at me and my moves Libi: Obviously, that's tempting 😉 Libi: but I did 🤞 so I'll stick to it Bobby: and I said you weren't 😈 which I wanna stick to Libi: Ideally, me too Bobby: 🤝 Libi: Just trying to get Killer's harness on 🙄 Libi: I'll be ten years 👌 Bobby: she don't wanna go, she'd just eat Venus instead Libi: Not before dinner ❌ Bobby: let's get 🍕 delivered to wherever we end up 🌳🥅🌼 Libi: Only if we can get ALL the dips Bobby: obviously Bobby: not gonna eat my crusts otherwise and Killer can't have every one of them Libi: No matter how hard she 🥺🥺 Bobby: I'll pretend I don't see her Libi: Good luck Bobby: not a patch on your 🥺 Libi: Well, don't take more than your fair share and I won't have to employ them 😋 Bobby: long as you give me my fair share, I won't have to take it Bobby: bigger half remains the going rate Libi: 😱 I was about to say Libi: how dare you suggest I take more when that's clearly you Libi: you didn't want to grow, remember Bobby: still time to convince someone a bit older into a dress like a meringue if you're not gonna hide me Libi: Grace might Libi: you could try her Bobby: 👌 Libi: OR even more thrilling, you could help me look for dresses over 🍕 Bobby: okay Bobby: one I really mean this time Libi: I really don't have a clue what to go for Libi: at least you know where you are with a suit Libi: or if she were that kind of bride and I just got told Bobby: you allowed to do whatever you want? Libi: Yup...It's a little daunting, actually Libi: maybe we should let Venus organize it Bobby: might be even more daunting if you did Bobby: we'll figure it out Libi: Us all in baby pink marshmallow gowns Libi: 🤐 okay, I'll take that back Bobby: 💐🎀👑🩰🧁✨ Libi: Cute for her and the twins Libi: I'll literally look like a 🐖 Bobby: whatever animal you wanna look like, we'll aim for that Bobby: but I'd have said 🦑 Libi: 😂 How is that any better? Bobby: camouflage is a skill they have, that benefits me Bobby: plus you have more legs to juggle 📹🌹🥂🍰💃 Libi: Good, solid arguments Libi: I'm convinced Bobby: didn't even bring up that you can shoot ink at predators Libi: I don't think that's a ➕ Libi: around all the 👗s Bobby: might be if there's a family argument Libi: 🤫 Libi: There won't be! Libi: 🥛 half full Bobby: Cass is coming but alright Bobby: 🤞 Libi: Yeah but Libi: no need for squid ink Bobby: 😇 Libi: You? Libi: 🤔 Bobby: everyone Bobby: on their best behaviour Libi: I won't be enforcing it Libi: not ☔️💃 Bobby: you'll be the mirrorball ✨💃 Libi: Only if you're dancing 😊 Bobby: only with you, not Venus Libi: We'll find ways to keep you looking busy if she 👀 Bobby: I'll hold your 📹🌹🥂🍰💃 as you're not going for a 🦑👗 Libi: All the arms would be useful in general Libi: Think how many 🐶s I could walk Bobby: but think how many 👶s you'd have to hold Libi: That is 75% of the guestlist Bobby: 🤞 she's not pregnant now Bobby: that's why loads of people get married Libi: They've been together forever Libi: I don't think it's that Bobby: me either Libi: Such a 🃏 Libi: if you want that family feud, just ask her if she is, I'm SURE she'll oblige 😏 Bobby: I don't have a death wish, Libs Bobby: or want a family 🥊 Libi: Good call Libi: all I want is 🍕 now and we're finally out the door Bobby: I wanna to find you a 👗 before Venus does but I do need 🍕 for that Libi: 💪 building is a must, of course Bobby: what's Astrid gonna wear? Bobby: be ideas there 🦚🦜🦋🐛 Libi: I'll ask her Libi: don't know if she starts her creative process early on or inspiration just comes to her Bobby: 👍 Libi: It'll be amazing, regardless Bobby: couldn't even deny that as 🃏 Bobby: I'll look so boring in my 🤵 next to you 2 Libi: Well I could never pull off half the 🦚🦜🦋🐛 she does Libi: and you won't look boring! You'll look handsome, and not at all like a mini-me now Bobby: you can pull off anything Bobby: and used to when you were lil Libi: I don't want to look lil now Libi: she looks cool, I wouldn't Bobby: you'll look and feel top of the world Bobby: the search is on Libi: You're the best Bobby: you Libi: 😊😌 Libi: Maybe I could wait to see your suits Libi: colour match? Bobby: we haven't done that for ages Libi: Does it make me a bit too Libi: Venus? Bobby: not if we don't choose pink Bobby: or gold Libi: An all-gold tuxe, stunning 😅 Libi: I'm fine with those stipulations Bobby: I'm not pulling off anything like that Bobby: but matching is like a proper wedding thing Bobby: you won't look lil Libi: Right, even if they aren't the types to insist, I don't think it'd make them mad either Libi: it'll give us some focus Libi: too many options Bobby: and an excuse to stay together Bobby: soz everyone who won't get to dance with me but Libi: We ARE the wedding party, however unofficial Libi: practically our jobs Bobby: there you go, it's come together Libi: Thank goodness for you Libi: I'd probably still be freaking out being NO help or fun right now if I didn't have you Bobby: you came with me to that bollocks school 💃🕺 with my whole year there this'll be loads better than that Bobby: nowt to worry about Libi: That was spectacularly lame Libi: but we made the best of it still Bobby: yep and we didn't need to get drunk how loads of them did Libi: Be a sorry state of affairs if we forgot how to have fun together without it Bobby: be some sort of head injury Libi: Not matching 🤕 🤕 Bobby: 😵😵 Libi: It is a family function Libi: possibly Bobby: you said no 🥊 Libi: I was thinking about all the 🥂s Bobby: 😲 you're thinking about getting me drunk! Libi: Don't say it like that! Libi: I just meant everyone else WILL be and we can have some Bobby: we should do it Bobby: you're right about the obvious opportunity Libi: Just to get more used to it Libi: so when we go to more 💃🕺 outside of school, we won't look lil either Bobby: yeah Bobby: we won't be 😳 Libi: I don't wanna get drunk Libi: just not recoil when I taste it Libi: 🤝? Bobby: tell me if the room's spinning when you've stopped 💃and I'll cut you off 🤝 Libi: It's a plan Libi: if your eyes go all 😵🥴 I'll take your bottle away too Bobby: long as you're making eye contact, that'll work Libi: My 👀s will do their best to keep up with yours, of course Bobby: 💃🕺 Bobby: can you 👀 me now? Libi: 👋 Libi: [and then 👋 IRL as you run up] Bobby: [hug her and probably have to disentangle the dog leads like your own rom com moment] Libi: [at least these old lady dogs won't be going as crazy god bless them, say now that obviously we sign everything for him as we speak 'cos duh, 'this is good practice for dancing' as you do the thing where you have to go under a lead and around] Bobby: [likewise just know that I'm obvs purely signing everything cos we don't speak but I'll still write it like speech cos it is 'in that case, nothing to worry about' touches his face like is there a 😳 and shakes his head like nope] Libi: ['I told you' and a big smile and checking our own face but like seriously hoping we're not blushing because he cute] Bobby: [an even bigger smile back because she's cute and we're glad she's not stressed any more] Libi: [giving Twix some love and treats as we head off 'Is Cass bringing anybody?'] Bobby: ['if she's going out with anyone, bringing them to a family wedding isn't gonna happen' cos true even though it's a scaled down family function] Libi: [nods like yeah, true 'I liked her last boyfriend, shame we can't invite him' 'cos what happened did you just decide to go back North or what] Bobby: [a look on his face like did you like him or did you LIKE him because we're jealous and you know it but we're doing the JJ move of acting like it's pure bants of course] Libi: [slapping at his arm like excuse you! but we're 😳 so it looks like you LIKED him even though obviously not you're just embarrassed to even be talking about this with him like we know why 'As if! He was just nice, and Cass had more fun when he was around'] Bobby: [a look like mhmmmm sure because we do think you like him now gal] Libi: ['that would be so inappropriate, ew' emphasizing the EW dramatically like stop it] Bobby: [a look like true you'd never do anything like that because we know her inside out and that she's never trying to rock the boat like that which is also a little bit true of him tbh cos Cass is the explosive one so we have to be the chill one to make Jimothy's life easier] Libi: [sigh like thank you and telling him about some girl in her year who's got a teacher crush 'I swear she thinks it's going to happen' and shaking her head like honestly] Bobby: [telling her about someone in his year who does too because it's always a thing and doing an even more dramatic ew than she did] Libi: [🙄 'Sometimes I think we're the only normal people around' and pulling a 🤪 face] Bobby: ['we deffo are' and obvs doing his own silly face back before putting his arm around her like that's why we gotta stick together forever thank you] Libi: [feelsy lean 'at least we don't have to worry about any of that, dates, and stuff'] Bobby: [an OTT dramatic sigh like yeah thank god that we actually do mean 'there's nobody at school I would take if I had a gun to my head' full offense to everybody lol] Libi: [can't help but smile, 'I don't think we're old enough to qualify for plus ones anyway' but nudges him conspiratorily 'no one, REALLY?'] Bobby: ['is there someone you would?' because that's how that sounds to us now, even though we clearly don't wanna get back onto talking about who she fancies] Libi: [shakes our head 'the boys are worse than the girls'] Bobby: [the amount of relief he'd have to hide is making me lol 'you sure you wanna go to more parties? drunk they'll be even worse'] Libi: [shrugs 'cos not really but we're growing up honey 'don't wanna miss out, do we?'] Bobby: [rallies because we don't wanna her to miss out because of us so we do an emphatic head shake like NO and we're on socials looking for any parties coming up because realistically there are probably some coming up always like why wait until after the wedding] Libi: [just peeping over his shoulder] Bobby: [let's say Asia's sister is having one after the suit shopping next weekend so he's like !? because do we want this to be our trial run lol] Libi: [a face like OH GOD 'cos we know she's the worst 'We don't have to'] Bobby: ['not much to lose, she already hates us and we know it won't be fun unless we make it' a shrug like it's so casual and we're not at all ! waiting for what she'll say] Libi: [just studying his face trying to work out what he wants without asking of course 'Could be funny, if not fun' 'cos we know she's tragic we don't need to be nice about her she's not family] Bobby: [likewise studying hers and her tone/body language like do you actually wanna do this or not 'we can just dance away if it's not' trying to reassure ourselves here as much as her which would be obvious] Libi: [does another twirl like yeah we can] Bobby: [control your 😍 please boy and do a IRL 🤝] Libi: [just keeping holding his hand as you walk these dogs] Bobby: [love that for you] Libi: [realising you need them for talking though so you literally only can when you're being quiet, which is quite cute] Bobby: [we stan a comfortable silence in this house and also please take lots of pics like you did when you were bubs around JJ's influence thank you] Libi: [of course, I'm going to try to be more artsy with it to bring in your parents influence too but obviously selfies are a must regardless] Bobby: [it do be why people think you're dating because his entire socials are literally gonna just be selfies of you two but I'm not soz] Libi: [people aren't just being straight and weird about it, people who actually know y'all] Bobby: [god bless] Libi: ['be good to see Jay again' also unrelated but not, I think this wedding should be around xmas time 'cos when they met okay] Bobby: ['it has been ages' because realistically probably has been because she'd only come back for big fam functions really because we're not grown yet and as we know Buster's bday is right by Matty's so she probably didn't do that in october so god knows when she was last here tbh] Libi: [ages in as much as she doesn't live here so deffo 'at least she won't know what to wear either' sounds like a drag, she's just not that girly as a kid we know] Bobby: [yeah and she's literally Bobby's age so you feel awkward at formal occasions then unless you're girly af and go in 'maybe she should go suit shopping too' again not a drag or pisstake] Libi: [nudging him 'you gonna ask her?' when you're pretending it's #bants but we're alerted lmao] Bobby: ['I think Jim wants it to just be us' because no offense Jay but he probably does want that bonding moment, factor in that when he's using his name he's using a feelsy sign for it like we know he has and that's true of everyone's name when we're talking IRL] Libi: [smiles like of course, jk jk, because you love how close they are] Bobby: ['Ava'll help her if she needs it' cos she always dresses amazingly and still would lbr] Libi: [nods because we are not worried about it 'she always manages to look cool too'] Bobby: [nudging her because we see you comparing yourself again gal and we think you're the coolest] Libi: [face like ugh soz 'cos can't help it but not trying to be that bitch though] Bobby: [drags her along like come on we're gonna run until your brain switches off which the dogs will love too] Libi: [run babies run] Bobby: [then dramatically flop onto the grass with her like breathless but 😁 in a very cinematic manner] Libi: [likewise because we do feel better for it 'how do you always know what will work?'] Bobby: ['years of practice?' not really a question because they've known each other forever so that is true] Libi: ['You deserve a raise' 'or a medal' and mimes putting one on him Bobby: [mimes breaking it and giving her half 'unlike the pizza, I'll let you have the bigger bit'] Libi: ['so kind' 😏 gets her phone out like speaking of 'usual?' 'cos of course we know these things about each other] Bobby: [nods and gets the dogs to bark that they also agree] Libi: [laughs 'none for them, remember'] Bobby: [looks away from the dogs like soz 'I promise' but 🤞 playfully where she still see it instead of behind his back like we might break that lol] Libi: ['soft touch' but we're clearly not mad] Bobby: [😲 but we're not offended] Libi: ['It's what we love about you' who's we like okay] Bobby: ['you won't be saying that when I put my foot down about taking your bottle away' I doubt she's gonna be an angry drunk and try and stop you that hard but okay, daddy energy of that statement excuse us] Libi: [😲 back at him 'I'm not that much of a brat, thank you!' but folds her arms and pouts like a kid for dramatic effect 'besides, if I say anything it'll be thanks for not letting me make a fool of myself'] Bobby: ['I'd never let that happen' sincere af because we wouldn't 'especially not at a party of China's' since she really do be the worst, doing a 📷 mime because it'd be all over socials] Libi: [shudders like oh god and is 😒 'make a change from her feed being full of her embarrassing behaviour but no thanks'] Bobby: [gets his phone and gestures her closer so they can watch her story together because honestly imagine we're 14 going on 24 now] Libi: [big yikes, big lols, also what was the other ones name/could we put her in Libi's year for double the amusement/potential] Bobby: [we did say she was the youngest one and the other one called America was like a bit younger than Cass but no reason we can't change that if we want to because we've only said it out of character so] Libi: [Like it doesn't truly matter I know but she was friends with a girl that looks like she could be Asia's sister, so maybe if America is in our year she could not suck as hard] Bobby: [I'm down for that, why not if you have stuff you can use] Libi: [Asia's mum could've got a new man for these two, who also peaced, a moment] Bobby: [that's very much a mood] Libi: [just thinking who's another bitchy but kinda goofy blonde hmm] Libi: [okay China=Imogen Poots America=Lia Marie Johnson] Bobby: [a good shout and it makes sense that you're bitchy gal because you're prettiest and clearly also smarter than Asia was so you're clearly your mum's fave and popular at school with your squad] Libi: [golden child, how nice for you madam] Bobby: [and I imagine her hating that her sister is friends with them on any level so that's some fun drama] Libi: [yeah, always good to have that fun level of not too deep going on] Bobby: [yeah we won't be going hard with it but there's things we can do through the years, though please don't also go to Trinity gal I'll die] Libi: [we won't let you, gotta have limits lol] Bobby: [anyway enjoy lightly mocking her socials kids because she thinks she's such hot shit] Libi: ['I bet she wears heels to her own house party'] Bobby: [showing her a picture of whatever she wore the last time she had one when they obvs didn't go like yep there they are] Libi: [when we're shooketh 'cos we're pretty casual at all times 'but she's at HER HOUSE' like we do not understand lmao] Bobby: ['her mum probably keeps her drinks in the top cupboard' we're obviously joking here because it's obvious her mum isn't the lock up her booze sort but she's adorable so we have to joke to distract us] Libi: [little lols 'should let me throw a party' because literally live with Fearghal, everyone would lose their shit lmao but we ain't gonna hens] Bobby: [does the walking fingers across her knee or wherever like baby steps gal because we've only just said about going to parties never mind throwing them 'you should leave her off the guest list' we don't like honey and we never will] Libi: [acting like it tickled so much to hide the 😳 we'd have, when we've collected ourselves/the dogs have stopped jumping all over us too 'she wasn't top of the list' and does a shh don't tell] Bobby: [lists off who the guest list would be but in a silly way like Venus, Cass' ex etc etc] Libi: [tutting any time it's a family member like shh but we're amused, and adding our own additions of unfavourable party guests] Bobby: [just getting sillier and sillier about it until we run out] Libi: ['I'd much sooner someone else's parent's house got trashed, like' and shrugs like not sorry] Bobby: [we're nodding because we clearly often hang out at mcvickers and like it there 'and that someone else got in trouble' because we see you gal always] Libi: ['is getting in trouble mandatory for parties?' like we're taking the piss but also like, why does there need to be any drama lol] Bobby: ['if anyone could change the way parties go, it's you' because everyone at school be throwing parties the same exact way, getting trashed and trashing the place but we know Libi could do it better] Libi: ['I'll add it to my to-do list' and doing a little ✔ in the air 'what would your best party be like?'] Bobby: [shamelessly gonna say he describes either one of his birthdays or hers when they were younger and in the peak of their bubby love] Libi: [you would've had some great birthdays lads, we're so happy and reminiscing] Bobby: [enjoy just reliving all those mems and then you can look a pics and stuff of you two on your phone instead of that bitch] Libi: [posting some throwbacks and talking more about your video ideas and stuff as it is related] Bobby: [love that and I also love thinking about how many times they would've watched the wedding video when they were bubs and wanted to get married] Libi: [RIP, so sweet and extra, also how shooketh Tess would've been by you makes me lol] Bobby: [one day you will get married, I hope Tess is still alive to see it] Libi: [my boo says hold on bitch lmao] Bobby: [looking down from heaven like] Libi: [aww, also go on the swings please whilst waiting for your pizza delivery] Bobby: [you gotta, soz dogs you amuse yourselves for a sec please] Libi: [we can throw a ball for you gals but you old so you might enjoy the rest too lol] Bobby: [have a little snooze huns we gotta push our bae on the swings for a bit before we get on because that's gentlemanly behaviour] Libi: [see how high you can get hun, some kids should come along and want a go, like little kids, so we're shamed like oh, I was acting like a baby, although Bobby was also swinging and we were having a nice time, such a difficult age] Bobby: [that's so real and also really hurt my heart so much excuse me being a hormonal bitch over here, play with the dogs guys, we gotta cheer the bae] Libi: [soz gal the insecurity be popping out] Bobby: [when you realise you didn't ask her what her ideal party would be like so you do] Libi: [describe what is essentially your dream wedding moment but leave out the wedding part 'cos that bitch] Bobby: [I'm FINE meanwhile Bobby be like 'alright now I wanna change my answer to that' because perfect sounding] Libi: [😁 'you're invited, of course'] Bobby: [hug her because she's adorable and you can hide your 😍 whilst still showing that we're buzzing] Libi: [you're so cute guys it's rude, lord knows this delivery better show up so you have to break up to eat] Bobby: [my boo says eat your pizza, I bet they have such a cute order like they probably make their own little weird thing, oh I love you two] Libi: [deffo one weird thing that NO ONE else would want ever but you two do] Bobby: [that's such a vibe and I feel like they'd have a million little things like that which other people think are weird (again not in a Ro way) when he gets with Cammie's mum she's gonna be like um no I won't be eating that] Libi: [just missing all those little things honey, a vibe] Bobby: [for now live for your best lives because we're evil and gonna put you through it] Libi: [we're so rude] Bobby: [I was thinking that the party should go badly for whatever reason so then they're even more determined at the wedding and they can get drunk which will be useful for us] Libi: [easily done, so many reasons not to be living] Bobby: [yeah exactly my thought, like you only need to feel slightly awkward/ like you're not keeping up and that'll lead on nicely] Libi: [if you like we can skip to getting ready for that party and do it in this convo, it's not long] Bobby: [why not, I said it was after the suit shopping so imagine all the cute pics he would've sent her] Libi: [Okay, so later on] Libi: Have you guys made a decision? 😄 Bobby: I think so 👍 Libi: Did you send me a 📸 or is it a total surprise? Bobby: I've held back on the 📸s of 🥇🥈🥉 Bobby: do you wanna 👀 the runners up or just skip to the winner I've saved to show you in person? 🤔 Libi: 🤔🤔 Libi: No, save it for in person Bobby: you sure? Libi: Yes, we're meeting up before this party, right? Bobby: yeah, it'll be ages before we can go there Bobby: getting there too early 🤓 Libi: Exactly Libi: even I know that Libi: and pre-drinks are a thing too, so I've heard Bobby: are you inviting the others for them? Libi: I hadn't really thought about it Libi: do you think they'll behave? Bobby: some of them might Libi: We could do then Libi: we won't be able to have hard stuff, just beers and that kind of thing Bobby: we probably shouldn't go too hard before the party, knowing how they end Libi: I'll invite them then 👍 Libi: tell them to save their bottles for the party too Bobby: don't tell them I said to be 🐢🐌 Bobby: not very 😎 Libi: It's me who wants it Libi: but it's okay, nans home so I can blame her 😬 Bobby: it's me too Bobby: I don't wanna fall over before I've had chance to 💃🕺 Libi: Of course I can count on you to understand Libi: what's the point of showing up somewhere to socialize and being incapable of it because you're wasted? Libi: I see the merit in being a little buzzed but Libi: it sounds 🤓 when it's just logical Bobby: no merits to 🥴🤢🤮 Bobby: she'll have a lovely bathroom but I don't wanna spend the whole party on the floor of it Libi: I have 0 plans to go that far anyway Libi: surely that's more embarrassing than being naive about it Libi: anyway, I'd never be let out again if I did so ❌ Bobby: and I don't wanna go out and about without you so ❌ Libi: I wouldn't be allowed if you weren't there Libi: I think it helps, that we know who the family is too, even if they have no idea what a nightmare China really is, at least she's not some 😱😱 stranger who's running some kind of kiddy crack den or whatever goes through parental 🧠s Bobby: we've gone from cute 🐶 to guard 🐶 Bobby: is that progress? 💪😎 Libi: 🙄😏 No pressure, or anything Libi: obviously, I'm perfectly capable but Libi: always the but Bobby: challenge accepted, even though it isn't one to keep you out of trouble Libi: You're welcome for the easy life then 😉 Bobby: if you could just dress me like Jim did earlier then it really would be Libi: Okay but seriously Libi: what do we wear Libi: not that the dress code is going to be the same for us but Bobby: I'm not wearing 👠 that's cuter when you're lil 🤴👸 Libi: you've had the growth spurt, you don't need to Libi: another plus to inviting the others Libi: take a vote so my whole wardrobe doesn't end up on the floor Bobby: if you're thinking about taking it to a vote you're overthinking it Libi: 😰😰 Bobby: just choose something that don't make you feel 😳😳 if China's going to say something she will whatever it is Libi: If it were that easy Libi: She's so Libi: ugh Bobby: why can't it be? Bobby: I could close my 👀 and grab something that you'd end up looking great in Libi: Maybe all my clothes are awful and I've only just realized tonight Libi: so inconvenient 😂 Bobby: come on, Libs Bobby: I know you trust me not to let you walk around looking 😳 Libi: I know Libi: I'm just freaking out for no reason Libi: she always thinks she looks better than everyone, like you said, what I wear doesn't matter Bobby: not no reason, just a bollocks one Bobby: if you wanna swap wardrobes, we haven't done that for ages either but I'm in Libi: Considering how #shamed I'll be if I don't opt for 👠👗 Libi: save that for another day Bobby: you're dressing for 💃🕺 with me not auditioning for her Bobby: any day Libi: dancing in 👠s sounds more dangerous than 🍾 Libi: noted ✔ Bobby: we're gonna have fun Bobby: tell your 🧠 Libi: We always do Libi: I'm going to cheer up Libi: Am says she's invited SO many people, she probably won't even notice we're there Libi: we can 💃🕺 unbothered all night Bobby: a bit relieved I won't have to have my face painted like a 🐺 to improve things this time Bobby: dunno if I could still pull that off Libi: 'course you could Libi: but Jimmy might be a bit busy, all things considered Libi: 🤞 she's hired the lady again Libi: 🍧🍨🧁🍰🎂🍭🍬🍫🍿🍩🍪 Bobby: I bet it'll be 🍣 this time Bobby: 🤞 not off some poor lad Bobby: be wishing I was blind instead Libi: Bobby! Libi: 😂 That's horrific Libi: worse than anything I've been warned against Bobby: soz! Bobby: it's not her 🎂 she'll probably have toned it down 🤏 Libi: I should hope so Libi: maybe she'll have gone 50/50 and we can eat 🍧🍨🧁🍰🎂🍭🍬🍫🍿🍩🍪 off some dude Libi: I'll be able to tolerate that Bobby: chuffed for YOU Bobby: won't catch me eating anything off anyone Libi: Spoilsport 😜 Bobby: you started drinking already? Bobby: offering yourself up as a 🍽 don't sound like something sober you would do Libi: I didn't! Libi: You're 📑 between the lines, I think Bobby: 🤔👌 Libi: It's most offensive you think I'd start without you Libi: how rude when you're stuck suit shopping Bobby: I bet China has Libi: If you were Jake Gallagher, what would YOU find more attractive? A girl who can keep up and hold her drink, or a girl who goes hard and blacks out Libi: that's who she's after right now, so I've heard Bobby: 🍾🥂💅💄 all just part of getting ready for her Bobby: what's his? the sniff test and shots Bobby: sounds like 💘 to me Libi: Second best option, least in her head Libi: she can't get you so, I guess Bobby: she don't want me Bobby: the real question is, why are you asking me about Jake's POV? Libi: Only because she's shot herself in the foot by being a bitch to you Libi: Because whatever kind of girl she reckons he's into, is what she'll be being tonight Libi: and you're a boy, so you'd know Bobby: I'm not the same kind of boy as him Libi: Yeah but precisely 0 of the boys at school are as nice as you Bobby: which lads aren't being nice to you? Libi: No one's not being nice to me Libi: but there's a reason you're my best friend Bobby: you can tell me, just 'cause I can't have a conversation with them don't mean I can't make them understand that they need to treat you nicer Libi: This is why you're trusted to keep me safe Libi: not calling you 🐶cute don't worry Bobby: you're my best friend, you can call me what you like Libi: Well now I just have to come up with the most ridiculous nickname, obviously 😏 Bobby: after a few drinks that'll come easy Bobby: I've heard that's how it works Libi: I won't tell Astrid it's your new sign name or anything Bobby: she'll make it stick if you do Libi: Exactly why we'll keep it secret Libi: I know deaf etiquette but you know the rest of 'em'll be asking for the story Bobby: and you don't want the story to be that you were pre-drinking Libi: UM, I'm protecting you from the story being you was 🥳😵🥴 and then... Bobby: oh NOW I get it, tah for being my hero Libi: SO welcome 😚 Libi: and I am not pre-drinking yet Bobby: you want me to go first in case everything we try is 🤢 Libi: 1. I KNOW beer is and I KNOW wine is so I don't know what I'm even going to start with 2. Even China isn't sad enough to be drinking alone, she'll have her mates there, like Bobby: what if it's really ALL 🤢? what are we gonna do? Libi: I'll bring a massive bag as part of my ensemble and we can just mix everything with the coke I hide in it Libi: I've got one we could at least fit 2 2l bottles in Bobby: my actual hero Libi: You'll have to carry it for me there so don't be too thankful yet Bobby: how many batteries will I have to carry for your 📹? Libi: I can kick it disposable Libi: don't need her 🔊😘 in my memories forever Bobby: relieved I don't lip read so girls can't use that to say I'm flirting with them 👀💋 Libi: They're 💔 Libi: also clearly think you still do, half of them Bobby: faking it and playing a really really long game Libi: 🙄 Honestly Libi: They think there's only one way to be deaf, is why Bobby: bit awkward that I'm doing it wrong Libi: How dare you, like Bobby: about as awkward as the BRIGHT lights this party would need for anyone to lip read Bobby: the things we'd 👀... Libi: 🤐 Libi: at least I can freely tell you all the good bits I do overhear without looking like a massive gossip Bobby: yeah, I'll be 💔 if I don't find out about Jake's ✔s and ❌s Libi: Yeah, 90% of it is really boring Libi: but there must be something decent in the 10% to make it worth going, right? Bobby: we're about to find out 🤞 Libi: 😎 Bobby: is Am coming or is it too close to home? Libi: Coming to us or coming to the party? Bobby: 😂 both questions work Libi: She's lowkey got to be there, I think, or go to her nans which she's almost as 😒 about Libi: their mum is at her boyfriends Libi: he's lasting, hence the increase in parties Libi: I'll invite her even though it probably feels counterproductive, so at least she can have fun here before going back Bobby: tell her I said I NEED her to teach me how to drink Libi: 😂 How could she refuse Bobby: she won't Libi: Careful, don't wanna sound like Jake Bobby: 🤐 Libi: She's down though Libi: China is fully telling her she HAS to go to their nans, like she's got a leg to stand on Bobby: 👶ing her is DEFFO gonna make her do anything Libi: Seriously, she acts like she's so much older, it's ridiculous Bobby: makes me feel like I should give Cass some kind of sister award Libi: Don't have to wait 'til she gets hitched to do a 📼 Bobby: I probably do Bobby: or at least wait for her 21st Libi: Right, she's not the sentimental sort Libi: or IS she? 🤔🤫 Bobby: when it's about our mum Libi: It's understandable Libi: even if it's hard to Bobby: yeah Libi: What about you? Bobby: what about me? Libi: How are you feeling about it? Bobby: it's not like there's anything new to feel Bobby: it's been ages since she was even a real person to me Libi: Your feelings could change, even if the situation hasn't Libi: But I understand what you mean too Bobby: it's different for her, she has loads more memories Bobby: I don't even know if mine are proper ones or just something I made up 📚🤴👸🐉 Libi: It is a different sort of loss Libi: more, what you could've had, not what you did Libi: it's the same for me, compared to everyone else Bobby: I don't feel like I missed out on anything Bobby: Jim didn't let me Libi: That's what's important Bobby: it's a bit rude to him that Cass acts like she'd have been better off having mum back Libi: She clearly isn't thinking about that Libi: it is though, but in terms of her priorities, she can sort being a bit rude out later Bobby: she wasn't a mum like yours, anyone would miss that Libi: that's because she was 15, just a kid herself Libi: like all the fun we had with Jim and Janis Libi: your mum was a proper adult, things get messy and difficult Bobby: you can still 👀 she was and would've been a good mum, how much she loves you is on every 📼 Bobby: as a proper adult mine should've done better, is what I think Libi: She definitely should've Libi: maybe Cass just wants to tell her as much Libi: I don't know Bobby: maybe she wants someone else to be 😡 at Bobby: dad isn't gonna change if she shouts at him Libi: Hope's a powerful thing Libi: whilst there's still a chance there's still a chance Bobby: feels like a dangerous thing if you're holding onto it for either of my parents but what do I know Libi: Probably is Libi: but maybe the way she sees it is your dad has blown it and your mum has a final chance to Bobby: officially she's dead though, they don't just decide that if they think someone's coming back Libi: I know Libi: it takes a lot of factors to make it seem official though Libi: maybe more for her than you Bobby: I think it should count for something that she's been gone longer than she's been around Bobby: you've never even met her and I've known you forever Libi: Probably don't need to ask if it's worth having this conversation with her? Libi: 😡 Bobby: she's the deaf one on that subject Bobby: even my dad's said more about her than Cass has Bobby: all 🤬 obviously but still Libi: Of course Libi: you can always talk to me Libi: don't need to be pre-drunk or anything Bobby: what's the deaf version of slurring, do you think? Bobby: signs that don't make sense? Libi: It'll be like an experiment 😁 Libi: maybe you forget all the signs like people do the right words Bobby: it'll probably be like when Janis was learning and kept getting everything slightly wrong for ages but was still doing it really confidently Libi: 😂 exactly like that Libi: as long as I don't start shouting again Bobby: 😂 Libi: I shouldn't forget you don't 👀💋 Bobby: I hate the idea that we won't understand each other Bobby: if we forget everything or whatever Libi: that's not going to happen Bobby: how do you know? Libi: 'cos it just never will Libi: we'll always be able to understand each other Bobby: we'll still have body language Libi: and telepathy Libi: if we try hard enough Bobby: unless we're too 😵 to have proper 💭s either Libi: I can still read your muddled ones Bobby: I don't wanna talk myself out of this but I Bobby: need to be able to talk to you Libi: We're not going to get that drunk Libi: we don't have to if we don't want to, and I don't want to Bobby: alright Libi: If it stops being fun we'll slow down Libi: or just keep drinking coke and pretending there's vodka in there Bobby: 🤝 Libi: 🤝 Libi: and Am is going to teach us Libi: we'll be pros Bobby: I'm overthinking it, must be my go Libi: I started it and put too much pressure on you Libi: it'll be like any other party Libi: we'll do our own thing and it'll be good Bobby: nah, it's not your fault that most people there couldn't talk to me sober Libi: 😞 Libi: we'll find a party Libi: where you can talk to everyone you want Bobby: that sounds like a 📚🤴👸🐉 Libi: A good one though? Bobby: I don't know Bobby: a weird one Libi: There's bound to be groups or social shit, there's plenty of schools, I bet they put stuff on Libi: you'd only have to endure those a few times if they were really lame to find people to hang out with outside of it Bobby: there's no expecting Cass to go back and be mates with anyone or everyone who's a bit northern Libi: that's why you have to find the decent people out Bobby: I've found you, don't get any better than that Libi: 🥰 Libi: I'm pleased to hear you don't plan to totally replace me Bobby: couldn't if I wanted to Bobby: irreplaceable, you Libi: You practising your lines on me? Bobby: is it working? Libi: Who are you practising for? Bobby: China, obviously Libi: Don't even joke! 😷 Bobby: I'd get alcohol poisoning before I was drunk enough to go near her Libi: I'd drag you home before you made such a bad decision Bobby: I've got your back with Jake too Libi: I'm not going anywhere near Jake Libi: plus he's 15 isn't he? Libi: doubt he's actually interested in her nevermind me Bobby: didn't get an invite to any of his 🎂🥳 so I can't say for sure Libi: Rude of him Libi: they'd be a great couple Bobby: 💘 like I said Libi: Okay Cupid, you were right Libi: how are you going to make it happen? Bobby: they don't need my help Bobby: perfect for each other Libi: 🙄 Libi: Happy for them 👏 Bobby: 🎬🌹 Bobby: well convincing performance there, Libs Libi: I'll be ready by the time we get there Libi: 🙇 Bobby: and I'll be ready if Jake needs to borrow any lines to win her over Libi: An interesting twist on Cyrano Libi: he's going to need to understand sign though Libi: or it'll be you to me to Jake to China Libi: no 🔺 all ⬛ Bobby: if he can read I'll pass him a note 💌 Libi: Oh Libi: DUH Libi: keep the words short and he shouldn't struggle that much Bobby: but I think Netflix would prefer it your way ⬛ Libi: Probably Libi: the more convoluted the better Libi: gotta get multiple series Bobby: at least 7 Bobby: we're in our late 20s by the middle Libi: definitely should be out of school, should definitely be over this #drama Bobby: definitely should 👀 some of those plot twists coming Libi: 5 relationships and 3 murders in Libi: Started out so innocent Bobby: or did we 😉 Libi: 😱 Libi: If you've been the killer this whole time Libi: disappointing Bobby: is it? Bobby: 💔 Libi: Of course, I trusted you Libi: Great dramatic speech though, if you don't end the finale by killing me too Bobby: you can still trust me, I did it all to keep you safe Libi: Now THAT'S 🎬🌹 Bobby: 🙇 Libi: Bet we'd even get a shitty spin-off Bobby: 12 episodes Libi: give us a weird looking baby Libi: still getting into drama though Bobby: 🐶 too Libi: the dog can be cute Bobby: have you ever 👀 one that isn't? the real question Libi: Some of the pure breeds but that's not their fault Libi: still cute they just might make me sad Bobby: ❌😢 Libi: *😿*🐶 Bobby: 🥺 Libi: Well that's not fair Libi: don't just bring out the puppydog eyes with no warning Bobby: the warning was 😿🐶 Libi: well I think that's playing dirty Bobby: how is it? Libi: 🥺 is last resort Bobby: do it back and we'll be even Libi: [selfie 'cos duh] Libi: When are you gonna come over? Libi: It's not cool to be early to the party but when is it acceptable to start the pre-party? Bobby: we're on our way back, we can start it then Bobby: I'll just need to grab my 👗👠 Libi: Of course Libi: feel free to send those 🥉🥈🥇 options Bobby: how many do you have? Libi: I think 2 Libi: well, 3, but that's the one I think is utterly ridiculous but you might tell me it's right Libi: then one more casual and one that's what I'm assuming the 😎 girl would wear Bobby: don't worry about 📷s I'll 👀 when I get there Bobby: for the full 💃 effect Libi: as long as it's before the others get here Libi: don't want to look like I'm showing off Bobby: we won't tell them the pre-party's started, it's alright Libi: 👍😅 Bobby: I'll grab [food from place they like 1] and [food they like from place 2 that doesn't work together for anyone else but is one of their weird combos] then I can't 🤔 for too long before it'll go cold Libi: Now THAT is a 💡 Libi: I'm starving 😋 Bobby: me too, that's how I knew you would be Libi: fainting would really make us look lightweight Bobby: if it was just one of us we could probably turn it into a 🕺💃 move Bobby: both, not so much Libi: I can hold you up Bobby: not if you're wearing 👠 for the first time Libi: It's not the FIRST time Bobby: trying them on and deciding you don't like them doesn't count Libi: 😣 Rude Bobby: you don't have any secrets from me, I know everything you've done and not done Libi: or do I? 🤔 Bobby: I'll get you to tell me whatever it is Libi: Oh really? Bobby: yep Libi: Good thing I don't really have any then Bobby: 🤔 that's what someone with loads of secrets WOULD say Libi: 😂 make up your mind Bobs Bobby: once I've read yours Libi: Go ahead Bobby: 👀 Libi: All I'm thinking about is the food now Bobby: I'm 🏃ing in Libi: Step on it 👏 Libi: jk Bobby: hang on in there, Libs Bobby: ⏲❗ Libi: I'm SO patient Bobby: there's a MASSIVE queue though Libi: Well that's rude Libi: don't they know we've got places to be Bobby: I'll write down how much I miss you and wave the paper at them Libi: I've missed you too Libi: you've got to tell me all about today before we go anywhere Bobby: I've got an impression of the salesbloke you have to see Bobby: he didn't have your patience with us Libi: That's literally half his job, humouring people until they buy something Bobby: maybe he was starving too Bobby: or missing someone Libi: In the show he'd definitely have a tragic backstory that made it alright he was so rude Bobby: definitely 💔 Libi: 🤔 Libi: Maybe his son died young and he never got to buy suits with him so now he works there to punish himself because the accident was his fault Bobby: ❗ you should be one of the show's writers ❗ Bobby: wasted in the ⬛ Bobby: I was gonna say his husband to be died on the way to the wedding Bobby: he hated the suit he chose but he HAD TO ⚰ him in it Libi: Ooh, that's good too Libi: maybe his husband wanted to wear a dress but the family said no Bobby: he did manage to sneak 👠s on him before the burial but Libi: a tasteful 3-inches, nothing crazy Libi: 😂 Libi: I wish people were as interesting as we give them credit Bobby: might be when you find all these ✨Deaf people✨ Libi: Look, I didn't promise they'd be magical Libi: just that you can have the same experience talking to boring people at parties as everyone else Bobby: if they're not riding 🦄 I don't want it Libi: It was just a suggestion but alright, stick with me and my 🦄 Libi: **donkeys my grandma has Bobby: I will Bobby: 🤞 things don't go so far with Jake tonight that China needs to borrow one Libi: 😏 Libi: She wishes she was still in her glory days Bobby: I think she thinks she is Libi: I'm not casting her Bobby: ❌🎬🌹 Libi: Get a dodgy lookalike for the ⬛ Libi: she'll be fuming Bobby: Am would do it Bobby: she's great at the impression Libi: Depends which way this ⬛ is going to go Bobby: you don't want her with Jake either, I get it Libi: I don't want anyone with Jake Libi: he'll have to be murdered before anything real can happen Bobby: 1st victim Bobby: end of episode 1 Libi: They won't see it coming Bobby: he won't, everyone else will see it slow motion as the 1st scene and over and over as a flashback Libi: You're SO troubled Bobby: ☔🎻 Bobby: put a black hoodie on me Libi: Seriously Libi: You don't think it's a bit 😬 to cast you as the villain? Libi: like all the Bond villains with the deformities and queer coding Bobby: I already don't speak, that's every high school outcast Libi: That's also your brother Bobby: but let him get to 30 before you cast him Bobby: 😒🔪 Libi: or let him get to 35 and he can be your dad Bobby: he'll be VERY chuffed about that Libi: don't tell him I said that Bobby: 🤐 Libi: When do you think they'll have babies? Bobby: we might've put them off Libi: At least for a while Libi: my nan is SO welcome 😁 Bobby: warn her I'm on my way Libi: She likes you really Bobby: 😁 Libi: That's EXACTLY how she feels Bobby: I know Libi: Are you sleeping over after? Bobby: yeah Bobby: none of the others are, right? Libi: No, I've not asked them Libi: they'll give the game away, we can be 🤫 and act sober Bobby: or actually be sober if we want Libi: exactly Libi: I don't trust half of 'em, no offence Bobby: not enough of them have 👀 your nan 😤 Libi: I trust Beck but Am...not so much Libi: guess China taught her how to drink young 🙄 Bobby: she's gonna be ON one tonight Bobby: we'll have to 👀 out for her Libi: 👶sitting Libi: what about the guys? Libi: I've never seen them drinking, I don't think Libi: even if they SWEAR they do, all the time Bobby: you should ask them what Bobby: that'll expose the truth Bobby: 1 🍺 last St Patrick's day or whatever Libi: 🤔🔎 on the case Bobby: while I 🏃 to get the last bit of our order Libi: 🤗 Bobby: are you watching China's story? 😲🍿 Libi: ❓❗ Bobby: ❗❗ Bobby: I had no idea a house party was SUCH a big deal Libi: Oh God Libi: let me go see Libi: the boys are being coy, hold on lads Bobby: I call bollocks if they're trying to say it's 🥃🍸🍹 all the time Libi: Oh, they are for SURE lying Libi: I just want to know how much they've actually done it before so we know how hard we need to 👀 Libi: but OH GOD Libi: 😰😥 Bobby: like, is SHE gonna ride in on a 🦄 Libi: I'm going to be so underdressed Libi: and without a steed Libi: 😱😱😱 Bobby: I'll give you a piggyback in Bobby: and you'll look 🥇 Libi: She's really gone IN Libi: Jesus Bobby: was this a bad idea? Libi: Maybe? Libi: it's too late to back out now though Libi: all the others have been invited Bobby: 😳😳😳 Libi: How do we make this okay? Libi: Aside from looking after each other Bobby: and looking 😎 Libi: Don't leave me alone with any dude Libi: I am not in the right shoes to kick anyone in the balls Bobby: I won't leave you alone unless you're going 🚽 and even then, probably take Beck Libi: and you'll have to let me know if you want to be left alone with any one Libi: otherwise I won't either Bobby: I don't want to be left alone with anyone but you Libi: Then I won't 🤞🤝 Bobby: 🤞🤝 Libi: [we can skippity to any point or just vibe out how we want the pre-party with friends to be/the actual party, whatever's cool] Bobby: [let's plot it and see how we get on, like obvs you're having your weird food when he gets there and then he's gonna help her pick an outfit by making her do some silly dancing in each] Libi: [having a lovely time when it's just you two frankly] Bobby: [that's the tea, have you got a vibe for how you want pre-drinks to be?] Libi: [I think some of you, aka America 'cos there's no way to avoid how messy and sad she looks, and probably some of the boys whatever, are already going harder so you two cuties are like oh] Bobby: [she definitely has that vibe as we were both trying to put across in this convo without just calling her a messy bitch lol so that feels legit] Libi: [we should probably map out your main group at some point hennys but yeah, she's definitely a mess god bless, and I'm saying the Beck girl is more chill] Bobby: [at least give them names and roughly decide how many there are roughly, is Beck Rebecca Black or is she a friend that Libi gets later on?] Libi: [Yeah I think you can be Rebecca Black, there's a gal or 2 others she's consistently friends with but I'll use you 2 for now minimum] Bobby: [could be those gals and 2 or 3 boys then as like the core group and obvs Astrid but idk if you're coming to this party hen cos you are only 11 but also Drew is your dad so] Libi: [yeah I doubt you're dying to come to this but you can if you wanna] Bobby: [I feel like you'd love a party hen so you'd wanna come but then get there and be like oh because it's not the kind of party you imagined] Libi: [You probably know China sucks] Bobby: [you'd tell her to her face lbr so don't go gal] Libi: [she'd be worse to you than she is to Bobby, if she's ever acknowledged you so let us not] Bobby: [honestly, you don't need that in your life] Libi: [when someone else has a party, one of us or one of the gang] Bobby: [doesn't really matter but are saying all these friends are in Libi's year or are any from Bobby's] Libi: [I feel we could have a mix but 'cos of the deaf moment maybe there's like one decent lad or two from his year that are his friends, know what I mean] Bobby: [yeah that feels real, we're on the same page as per] Bobby: [I feel like that's probably the lad that's going too hard and America probably wants to get with him cos older but not to a creepy extent] Libi: [I vibe it, we can give you a face boy, but we just hang with lots of people casually but we don't have to name you all unless we wanna] Bobby: [yeah we said that Libi is lowkey friends with everyone unless they're dicks so, is there a lad the America girl's face gets with in that show we could use or is it just Noah?] Libi: There's another one, 'cos one of the storylines of s1 from what I can gather is he's Claudia's bf but cheating with America's face who's her bff, so predictable, we could use him maybe, I'll have a look] Bobby: [doesn't matter if he's not cute because we know she's a messy bitch so] Libi: [none of the lads are really but they're useable and we know Bobby's the cute one soz] Bobby: [she's blatantly the cutest girl as well not soz] Libi: [we know it's true even though we're not dicks about it] Bobby: [@ China calm yourself you're not that special] Libi: [seriously there's no need hen] Bobby: [thank god we can all mock you during these pre-drinks] Libi: [might find a ridiculous photo of some hoe outfit for you just to amuse myself] Bobby: [did you pick a Claudia outfit?] Libi: [not an outfit but a disposable esque photo and I'll just go from that, as we're not living laughing loving not gonna waste a lewk] Bobby: [other than obvs dancing can you think of anything else cute that could happen at this party before they leave?] Libi: [Hmm what's unwittingly cute and something you think just pals do but everyone else is like ok couple umm] Bobby: [taking loads of pics is a given] Libi: [definitely, idk why my mind has gone blank, again, apart from the obvious fact that people would try to flirt with both of you and we shut that down lmao] Bobby: [literally not leaving each other's side is pretty damn coupley tbh and he is carrying her stuff for her as well, like I picture them going off on their own for ages as well to like the garden or wherever so people think things about that because you can't even use the excuse you can't hear yourselves talking over the music lol but actually we're just shooketh about how wild this party is] Libi: [when you're just trying to hide from everyone else sincerely lmao, when your mum is so dickmatized that she lets you get up to drama and lowkey wreck the house every weekend, gal, just thinking it's bants like oh having teens] Bobby: [she's probably lowkey a bit stupid like Asia was, hence an easy target for shit men] Libi: [mhmm, soz to you gals] Bobby: [also soz to the squad but as soon as the bf appears we are leaving because Bobby will be like I recognise this energy and I have to peace] Libi: [can we call him gary tah] Bobby: [I was thinking about it and like realistically Bobby probably only moved in with JJ pretty recently aka when Cass went to uni and they weren't gonna leave him alone because Ian's not just gonna let them take him when they're 18 and even if they could they are living in the flat above the pub and like Janis has her modelling and they travel for that for a while so yeah that hit me bye] Libi: [yeah it's a couple of years at most] Bobby: [lowkey heartbreaking but anyway] Libi: [we know it's worse when Jimmy is there no offence boy but Ian picks on you is what I mean, he lowkey just ignores Bobby which is rude but easier to deal with when they're still around making sure you're good] Bobby: [mhmm] Libi: [but yeah, gotta remember that, now you probably live above the pub still but you'll probably be moving into their new house soon that they have when the bubs[ Bobby: [yeah you might've already moved into there before getting married, just depends how jj decide to be living and spending those modelling funds] Libi: [how exciting, and there's a room for you boy, until you are with child lmao then you gotta share or go into the basement moment] Bobby: [it makes me happy in my heart] Libi: [I think we should say you've bought it and then have a honeymoon and then start moving in because there's usually decorating and cleaning and all that good times to do] Bobby: [that feels right, I agree] Libi: [Bobby should already be planning to stay with mcvickers and Libi 'cos fuck you Ian] Bobby: [we have to because imagine all the cuteness and yeah mcvickers would like him because he's just a nice chill boy unlike all of theirs lol] Libi: [they could go after xmas so a bit of it like a week ish is in the holibobs, or if they went literally just after xmas and before NY, you could do the full 2 and do nye together] Bobby: [love that] Bobby: [and I'm still having you sleep over tonight boy even though you've probably been at that party for like a couple of hours at most so you can stay up talking about how wild everyone is and the Gary situation] Libi: [got to debrief, what's your deal gary] Bobby: [another question is are we saying you've been around a while or has it all just started happening and your mum is being extra] Libi: ['cos 2 different but equally as potential giving moods, 'cos if it's fast that's like AHH but if he's been being a dick for a while, then it's already established, fair, we are going to be forward to do most of Bibi so perhaps it's like he's just shown up on the scene now but she's had a few before and they never last?] Bobby: [yeah like he's already lasted longer than her usual who bounce after a few dates but it hasn't been ages yet] Libi: [like they already had some stability issues from their own dads fucking off but when this one lasts and is then an arsehole, it can get steadily worse, maybe even though their mum is p crap now she totally changes towards 'em too] Bobby: [exactly and it's okay to go to your nans sometimes but you can't both lowkey move in when things get more serious for this notp, literally imagine being your mum's shameless fave and then it's like well I only live and breathe for this man now so] Libi: [I vibe that she's always like this when she gets a boyfriend, one of those that is obsessed but they never last so we're back to all about me and my gurls but then this one don't leave so she's just 😍 and they're like teens so she's like you don't even need me as much now anyway yeah? byeeeee] Bobby: [that is such a real energy and reminds me of a Jacqueline book tbh I'm so invested] Libi: [maybe the vibe is when this goes down China and America have to get closer because they've both been forced out, so then that's how we get them both in the circle, it'd probably make sense for you to be America, 'cos that's the established relationship so far with Libi, and it'd probably be more interesting to build with China, but we can also do sibling shit and America getting to know Bobby more because she's more Libi's friend atm] Bobby: [I'm so excited about this, not soz to the giantness of gen 4] Libi: [we can totally put a pin in this and skip forward to do some of this if you like]

[hero-tech-institute]

Student Profile: Nami

“Hey, Nami here! Since Luffy said that a few of his crewmates, including me, are playable muses, I guess it was only fitting that my profile was next on the list! Robin’s planned as well, and maybe a few others will also be added later on, once the dean of HTI gets to know more in general about our home series, One Piece! In canon, I’m one of the founding members of the Straw Hat Crew and have always been the persistent voice of reason - even with my still-persistent habit of pickpocketing - and my official role is as the ship’s navigator; the HTI continuity sadly doesn’t really allow for that much exploration beyond the campus grounds, but hey, at least adventure is always around the corner even within the university borders, especially given the sheer amount of franchises and universes represented!

“But I’m getting ahead of myself. Pre-timeskip, I was 18 years old and 5'6-1/2" in height, and while my weight wasn’t ever confirmed in canon (thank goodness!), I’m pretty sure I’m about average in build? Like what, 120 pounds or so? I think that’s about right. Post-timeskip me is 20 years old, with a confirmed height of 5'7-1/2", though again, my weight has never been stated (and I’m not telling, either, not again!) If you wanna RP with me, as with the other Straw Hat Pirates, ask if you wanna talk with pre-timeskip me or post-timeskip. And for RPs set in the HTI universe, assume the latter!

“Like I said, I’m the most sane member of the Straw Hats by quite a margin, sticky fingers aside of course. According to Eiichiro Oda, our home series’ creator, I’m actually the third smartest character in the entire East Blue, which came as a surprise even to me! So you can bet on me being intelligent, compassionate, and responsible, even if it means having to literally smack some sense into the crewmates of mine when they’re acting like idiots (which is to say, unfortunately, almost all of them, almost always). Conversely, since I lived in poverty and had a hard time with pirates in general when I was younger, I’ve also come off as manipulative, greedy, and conceited. It’s not difficult for me to make enemies as well as friends, since I could charm you into dropping your sense of security in a heartbeat and then make off with this! *holds up [Y/N]’s wallet* Told you I’ve got sticky fingers! *laughs and hands [Y/N]’s wallet back* Still, my friends come first no matter what, and I wouldn’t sell them for anything in the world. They’re idiots, sure, but the Straw Hats are my idiots!

“So, what does HTI have to offer for me? Well, according to Oda, if it weren’t for my adventures with Luffy and the rest of his crew, I’d end up working in child care! I... guess it makes sense, seeing as I’m good with kids and have helped plenty of children in need throughout my adventures, though in all honestly I’d have gone for a cartography or exploration position. Still, in the HTI multiverse, I’m a sophomore with a dual major in Geography and in Teaching and Education, and maybe so my map-making interests aren’t out of place, I could try for a future career as a geography teacher or something. Elementary, high school, maybe even college...? Anyhow, aside from the obvious companions of Luffy and Robin (with the rest of the Straw Hats hopefully following suit), a number of other people from other franchises have also found a kindred spirit with me. Fellow Education student Astrid Hofferson has about the same role as me in that she’s a strong, capable, and sane woman in the midst of a lot of crazy people (her boyfriend Hiccup of course being a major exception). We’re both study-mates and sparring buddies, and she’s gotten to know my Clima-Tact almost as much as me - or at least the business end of it, anyway! Katara from the Medical program has the same interest in caring for people that I do, and though our opinions don’t always synchronize, what with her being a tad more blindly idealistic than I find comfortable, when we do agree on stuff, we can do amazing things! Another buddy of mine, Shulk, balances out my slightly less savory habits with a solid drive to protect those in need and a sense of reason rivaling mine, as well as an intelligence I’d be proud of - even if it’s in a different field of study. We’ve made plans together for exploration of the HTI multiverse and also hope to trailblaze other worlds together alongside some of the other world-hoppers on campus. And surprisingly, Keith Kogane has looked to me for advice and comfort before, since my caring nature is something that he feels he should’ve had ever since he was younger, and I’ve come to admire his dedication to upholding the liberty of all people and not just the ones on top; he’s actually asked me before if I could star-chart his universe, though I’m not sure if I’m ready yet to tackle the whole new ballgame of outer space...

“Anyway, that should be it for me, and like I said, if the dean’s comfortable with adding more of the Straw Hats to his muse list, he definitely will (Robin’s next, but she’s the last of us he’ll add for now). Until then, feel free to send me questions and invite me to RPs - as long as you guys and gals keep an eye on your wallets, for obvious reasons!”

[selinenuli]

MADE of STARDUST

Ch. 1

Ch. 2

Ch. 3 - when has the world stopped making sense?

The ride back home was quiet. Astrid had tired herself out and was dozing off in the passenger’s seat. She still had her arms wrapped around her dolls and wand, which Lauren found was incredible adorable. She couldn’t help it. Despite her earlier annoyance, she was starting to soften up. Bit by bit. She really did her best not to, but, well…

Astrid was a sweet little girl. But she was also a literal fallen star. Lauren’s instincts told her not to get attached. She hated goodbyes.

When they got home, she helped Astrid out of the car and led her inside, where the girl collapsed on the couch. Lauren decided to leave her there and go over her research. She had earlier hacked into NASA to get the detailed and most recent star maps, and the order in which the stars had gone out. Maybe if she could find a pattern she could find a source, meaning maybe she could find the how and why of the matter.

The stars closer to earth seemed to have gone out first. But if that was true, it meant earth itself (or herself, if she chose to listen to Astrid), was the source. Which was… strange, to say the least. Impossible, even. What could have possibly caused it? Anyone’s first guess would have been magic, but, well. That was simply ridiculous.

It has been decades since anyone on earth had been able to use magic that powerful. She kept staring at the data. Trying to makes sense of it all. Going over it again and again, but all she got was more questions. And honestly, most of those were about Astrid. Did she and the other stars had a physical form, of were they just a sentient beings? What about planets, were they like Astrid, with… personalities and all? And how come it seem to be all about Earth? Stars know it wasn’t the most important one out there.

How did they communicate? How old was Astrid, really? How could she read and talk and do all that stuff, all the while she seemed to be generally new to the concept of human life?

Lauren sighed as she realized she was spilaring. So she put the questions down in her journal. Maybe she could ask Astrid later. She knew she probably should, you know, sit down and have a lengthy talk with her about where she came from, but the idea didn’t seem as appealing as it should have been.

Maybe because in the short time they had spent together, she had come to care for the kid. And she’d hate to see her cry again, which seemed to have been the result of thinking her about home.

And Lauren had done her fair share of crying. But Astrid was different. She was a star child with large golden eyes who sobbed loudly. Lauren couldn’t help but want to give her, even if just for a little while, the resemblance of a normal childhood. Stars know she didn’t get that. This, that experience she gave Astrid, could be the only human experience she would ever get. Was it really that strange for Lauren to want and make a good impression for all humanity? It couldn’t be, could it? After all, Astrid was a star. Might has well have been a god. (a very small and childish god, but a god nonetheless.)

Lauren glanced up. This time she didn’t fall out of her chair at the surprise of seeing Astrid standing a few feet away. “You sleep okay?”

Astrid nodded sleepily. Lauren smiled “You want me to explain my research?” She nodded again and leaned her head against Lauren’s shoulder. She was warm, Lauren wasn’t sure if it was related to her being a fallen star or not.

“Are those starmaps?” “Yeah. I’m trying to figure out which stars fell first. Maybe that way I can find the source.” Astrid listened intently as Lauren told her everything she found, which honestly wasn’t much. The child seemed confused art first. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “That doesn’t make sense” she muttered “Erin is so nice. No way is she responsible for something like this.” Lauren sighed “I know. But right now it’s all I have. Sorry, star-child.”

Astrid made a face but didn’t say anything further. She turned around to take a long look at Lauren. Her eyes observing.

“What is that?” she asked, touching the tip of Lauren’s glasses. Lauren had to stop herself from laughing. “Those, are my glasses. I need them to see”. “But why?” “Because that’s just how it is”. “That’s weird”. “I know”. “Can I watch one of those DVDs?” “Sure”.

Astrid ran towards the living room and sat there with an armful of toys. she waited impatiently for Lauren. She put in Tangled, and only stayed for the start. It was fun watching Astrid’s fascination of the animated characters. Lauren kind of missed being this young. Innocent and curious.

She worked while Astrid watched the movie. Had done the dishes, organized the guest room for Astrid, and sent an email to her college professor. She could still hear the kid, though. She was laughing and occasionally talking back to the screen. Which was adorable.

Soon enough it was over, and Astrid came up to her and asked if they could go meet Rapunzel, because maybe she could help her get back home. Lauren groaned. How was she supposed to explain to a nine year old none of it was real?

She tried, did her best. It took time for Astrid to understand, and she didn’t seem to like it. Lauren really felt sorry for her. But then Astrid recovered and went back to being her happy, talkative self. She helped Lauren make dinner, all the while rambling on and on about her siblings and friends. From what she got, Mary and Orion were stars, just like Astrid. Taylor, or Ty for short, was the embodiment of time. Luna was the moon, was sweet and soft but had a secret dark side. Nox was the darkness, but she was really warm and kind. Sam was summer; Austen was fall; Winter was, well, winter; and Haru was spring.

Astrid said she was 189 years old, which she counted as young. And Lauren supposed it was, for a star. But it was still difficult to wrap her mind around the fact that the nine year old was actually more than a century older than her. She asked questions, but tried not to pry too much. Luckily Astrid loved talking. For dinner they ate mac and cheese, which Astrid absolutely loved.

“I love human food”, she said. “It’s weird, but good.” Lauren hummed in agreement, mouth too full to speak. “Who makes that food?” she asked.

Lauren swallowed and tried to explain. “Some of it is made by factories, which can be bought at a store, but most of it I can cook myself.” “But how do the factories make it? Does it grow on trees?”

Lauren sighed “You know what? That’s very complicated. Just eat your food”. Astrid shrugged but didn’t complain. Lauren was grateful for that. She spent a few minutes trying to explain why donuts weren’t very healthy, then cleaned up and took Astrid upstairs for a shower.

“You're all dirty.” she said when the girl refused “You need a shower”. “I don’t want to.” “But you need to”. “But I don’t want to,” she repeated.

Lauren groaned. Was that what it’s like to take care of a child. “Astrid, please.” Astrid wrinkled her nose but stopped fighting her. She followed Lauren to the bathroom and watched as she took out a large fluffy towel. “Okay, take your clothes off and get in there. I can turn around if you want”.

Astrid shrugged and did as she was told. Lauren helped her in the bath and turned on the water. “Cold,” Astrid shrieked as a spray of cold water washed over her. Lauren smiled “I know. Sorry.” she fixed it and closed the curtain. Through the sound of water running, she could hear Astrid humming some song. She was way off, but it was still cute.

“Do you want me to put some music on? Maybe some Tangled songs? You seem to like those”. “Yeah, I love those songs!” came Astrid’s exited response. Lauren smiled and put on the music. Astrid sang along to three songs, than told Lauren she was ready to get out. She wrapped her in a soft towel, and once she was dry changed into her pjs. Which were pink.

“Where am I going to sleep?” she asked, brushing her long hair over her shoulders. “In the spare bedroom.” “In a bed?” “Yes, in a bed.” She helped Astrid carry her dolls to the small room. The walls were plain, there was a bed, a nightstand, and a closet. “The walls here are boring”, said Astrid, pulling a face. “Yeah, I know. Maybe tomorrow you can make some paintings to hang up?” “Okay”.

It was late, past eight o’clock, and Astrid’s eyes were starting to fall shut. So Lauren made sure she was in bed, and was just about to leave. But then small fingers wrapped around her wrist, and she stopped in her track. Astrid was looking up at her with wide, uncertain eyes. “Stay?” Lauren nodded hesitantly and sat down on the edge of the bed. Apart from that, she had no idea what to do. Read her a story, wait with her ‘till she fell asleep?

That’s what parents do, wasn’t it?

Astrid shifted under the covers, holding her dragon close to her chest. “You’ll be here tomorrow when I wake up, right?” “Of course. Why won’t I be?” Astrid shrugged. “I dunno. Yesterday I was a star, and today I’m human. I don’t know what will I be tomorrow”.

Lauren sighed and forced a reassuring smile onto her lips. “No one knows what will happen tomorrow, star-child. But I, am not going anywhere.” “Promise?” “Promise”, she whispered, now smiling for real. Astrid smiled back and let her head drop against the pillows. “You should go to sleep now”. “How do I do that?”

Lauren almost laughed, then realized the question was completely and utterly serious. She sighed. “Just close your eyes”. Astrid seemed uncertain, but did as she was told. Within mere minutes she was fast asleep, chest rising and falling steadily.

Lauren left the room and switched off the light. She didn’t close the door though, not entirely. Once back downstairs, she collapsed onto the couch and turned the tv on. She needed some background noise. She flicked through channels, searching for something that did not include reports of the stars going out. Eventually she settled for Brooklyn 99 and got up to pure herself a drink. She needed that, after the day she’d had.

Sipping from a glass of red wine, she tried to relax and let her thoughts flow. She had a lot of those, which had been drowned out for most of the day. But now she was alone again, and all her questions and insecurities came rushing back. There was a nine years old sleeping in her spare bedroom. Lauren didn’t know how to deal with that.

And yes, she had promised Astrid she wasn’t going to leave, but she had to admit she had no idea what the hell she was doing. Was that how parents felt? Bur from what she got, Astrid didn’t have any parents. And Lauren certainly wasn’t a parent. She couldn’t be. She was twenty one, she had college, she had a job. She couldn’t be put in charge of a child.

But what other choice was there, really?

Astrid had nowhere to go. And Lauren couldn’t exactly turn her over to the government, for more than one reason. What would she tell them, that she fell from the sky in the middle of the night, that she was actually a fallen star? They would never believe that. And even if they did, who knows what they would have done. It was likely they would have treated the child as an object, a scientific discovery. Lauren couldn’t let that happen.

But if Astrid stayed with her… What would that mean? More toys, for sure. Less school for Lauren. And the key to figure out what happened to skies might be to figure out what exactly Astrid was. What she was made of. And to do that without hurting her, certain equipment would be needed. Equipment Lauren did not have.

She groaned and threw her head back. She was so, so lost. What the hell was she thinking? That there was a star-child in need of a parental figure, probably. But then again, she couldn’t be a parent!

And… now she was spiraling. Lauren downed the rest of her drink and leaned back, shifting her gaze onto the tv. Maybe what she needed was to numbly stare at a screen. And she did, for a while. Just until she felt her eyes starting to fall shut. It was close to eleven pm. She shut off the tv and dragged herself upstairs, brushed her teeth and changed into her pjs. She passed by the guest room, picking inside to check on Astrid. There was no light on, yet it wasn’t dark.

Astrid was glowing just as she was when Lauren found her. Soft, golden light. And she was floating. Only a few feet in the air, but still. Floating. Lauren blinked a few times and shook her head. A glowing, floating nine year old was too much.

She’ll have to deal with that tomorrow.

And she did deal with it, at 6am. When Astrid rushed into her room with a happy shriek. “i can fly, Lauren, I can fly!” she announced over and over again. Lauren groaned and buried her face in her pillow. Astrid got on the bed next to her and started bouncing up and down. “I can fly, Lauren! Look, I can still fly!” she paused and stopped bouncing, lying down to look at Lauren’s face. “Why aren’t you looking?” she asked in a whisper. Lauren turned her head around “‘Am sleeping’. Go away”. “But Lauren…!” “Shh. Sleeping”.

Astrid pouted but stayed quiet. She laid down next to Lauren and waited. When Lauren woke up about thirty minutes later, she was still there. Curled up in a little ball like a cat. Lauren groaned, but open her eyes and rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. It was silent for about half a minute. Then Lauren shot up, suddenly wide awake. “Wha- you can fly??!” Astrid beamed “Yeah! I thought I couldn’t, but I was wrong! I still can! And I can glow, too!” “How???”

Astrid shrugged. She was still smiling widely. Lauren got up and made her way to the kitchen to make coffee. Astrid followed her. After having coffee and recovering, Lauren turned to look at her. Astrid smiled. She was way too cheerful for that hour. Lauren sighed “May I take a sample of your blood, please?” “What do you need my blood for?” “I would like to run a test”. Astrid didn’t seem convinced. “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt. It might even help us find a way to get you home”.

At that, Astrid was awfully quick to agree. Which was probably bad, seeing as she kept nudging Lauren for the rest of the morning, asking when she’ll be able to go home. Eventually Lauren had enough and sat her down, explaining how it might take time, but she’ll do everything she can.

Astrid nodded, and Lauren gave her an encouraging smile “Now sit still”. She left and came back with an empty syringe. Astrid flinched. “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt. Here, you can hold my hand. Try to relax”. Carefully, Astrid gripped Lauren’s hand, and closed her eyes as the needle slid under her skin. It was over before she knew it. Lauren stared at the now full vile. Astrid’s blood was the color of gold. “What’s wrong?” She looked up to see Astrid watching her with curious eyes “...Your blood is the color of gold”. She furrowed her brow in confusion. “Is that bad? What does your blood look like?” “Red”. “That’s weird”. “No, gold blood is weird”. “Why?” “Because it is”. She covered the small wound in Astrid’s arm with a band aid. “You can go play now, I have work to do. Call me if you need anything”.

Astrid ran off, and Lauren headed for the basement where she had an improvised lab. She hadn’t been in there in a while. There were papers everywhere. Star maps, sketches, old books. Some half empty vials stood on the table in no particular order, unattended. Lauren ignored all that. She spent the morning running every test she could think of, comparing Astrid’s blood to her own.

She never seen anything like it. It just didn’t make sense. She studied every molecule of the golden liquid, and wrote down everything she found. Which wasn’t much.

And before she knew it, Astrid was calling her name saying she was hungry. Also, she’ll have to go to work soon. She gave Astrid a bowl of cereal with milk, while she herself grabbed an apple, then sent her off to get dressed. She came back wearing a blue and white dress and tha hat with bunny ears, which managed to look adorable and ridiculous all at once. Lauren snapped a picture. Astrid entertained herself while Lauren worked and after that they went to the park for a little while.

The next few days were just more of the same.

And Lauren was grateful for that routine, really. It was something normal to hold on to, to keep herself from falling back into that rabbit hole that was her own head. But it was also kind of… boring.

Astrid loved using that word to describe earth. A lot. Only nothing about it was actually normal. Or boring.

Astrid was a fallen star. Her blood was the color of gold. She could fly and glow, although she didn’t know how to.

It was… a lot. Too much, sometimes. But it was also fascinating.

Being around such a young soul (or old soul in a young body. Whatever). The way she looked at everything - no matter how small or insignificant. So much amazement and curiosity. She kept asking about magic. Which made Lauren wonder.

It made sense, for the cause of all this to be magic. But as she had repeatedly told Astrid, magic was lost. There were, collectively, maybe a hundred people who could use it in the entire world.

[sage-nebula]

Dreamworks Dragons ~

This list is probably going to be super predictable lmao. That said, only the first two are in order. The rest are really hard to sort because, damn, I love so much of this cast.

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III --- Obviously, Hiccup is my fave, and has been my fave since his opening monologue. I mean, when you’ve got snark like:“This is Berk. It’s twelve degrees North of Hopeless, and a few degrees south of Freezing to Death.”in the very first line, you know I’m going to like you. I relate to Hiccup in a lot of ways, which I think was part of the point of his character. Dean DeBlois, the main man behind the movies, has said that Hiccup is supposed to be quite modern in his way of thinking, which is part of what causes the conflict in the first movie (since the Berkians are so entrenched in tradition and the 300 year war against dragons, whereas Hiccup is . . . not). But even so, even if that is the point, it doesn’t make it less true for me. Aside from relating to how snarky Hiccup is (even and especially when it’s not appropriate), I also really feel him on the cynical, melodramatic attitude he sometimes takes to things (“Oh, the gods hate me . . .”), as well as the complicated relationship he has with his father, Stoick. I really, really relate to him in the way that he was always willing to do or sacrifice anything for the sake of Toothless, because that’s precisely how I always was with Shiloh. I even relate to smaller things, like how he’s always so very done with the shenanigans of the other Berk Riders, even though he does adore them---or how he is, in all honesty, just not very great with children. (See: Gustav.) I also love his insistence on diplomacy, but his willingness to fight when the time comes. Hiccup, though he has his flaws as well, is great. I love him.

Toothless --- But of course we can’t forget Toothless! I love everything about Toothless. I love how he’s very definitively a dragon, even though the creators have said that they also pulled inspiration for him from dogs, cats, and bats as well; I love that he’s proud of who he is and what he can do, but how he also cherishes Hiccup, how he listens to and protects him and, even when Hiccup makes him a tail fin that he can operate on his own (in “Gift of the Night Fury”), he refuses to use it because he wants to fly with HIccup. Toothless is snarky and sassy in his own right, has a temper and can be petulant (“Oh, are you pouting, big baby boo?” ---Hiccup, HTTYD 2), but how he’s also so very, very intelligent and clever as well. Toothless is adorable and fierce all in one. He loves being petted and played with, but he will also face down any threat with a snarl if it means protecting Hiccup. Hell, he fucking mega evolved in the climax of the second movie to protect Hiccup! (I mean, they didn’t call it mega evolution, but let’s be honest, he basically went full Mega Toothless X. =P) Toothless is incredible. I adore him.

Heather --- Heather is very, very high up on the list for me because I think her character development has been excellent. While it has been a bit rushed at times because Heather is not a main character and therefore we couldn’t always see her (and while her subplot of a romance with Fishlegs was horribly done and terrible), I do think that she really had time to shine over the duration of the show and that the Heather we see at the end of season four of RTTE is not the same Heather we saw way back in RoB. Her experiences have very believably changed her; having to fend for herself after the Outcasts captured her adoptive parents, and then having to deal with having those adoptive parents murdered by her own brother . . . living alone for so long, developing abandonment and trust issues as a result of it . . . wrestling with her own temper, her thirst for vengeance and her desire for justice, along with what she knows to be right and her desire for a family . . . I think that Heather is a complex character and that her complexity was shown well. Could have been better, but I like what we got. I think that her story was one of the more compelling parts of the TV show and I think it’s a shame that she (and Dagur, for that matter) won’t ever be in the movies.

Tuffnut Thorston --- Tuffnut is an absolute delight. What I love most about Tuffnut is that although he very often comes across as a Cloud Cuckoolander (moreso than his sister Ruffnut, in all honesty), we very easily see that’s not all he is. Tuffnut (and Ruffnut, too!) is actually quite intelligent. It’s just that his brilliance is often showcased in ways that the other Riders don’t see or immediately recognize. He’s great at interior design. He’s great at coming up with Home Alone style traps to protect the Edge. Tuffnut thinks so far outside of the box that the box isn’t often very visible, but his method of thinking works and he’s hilarious to boot. Basically, I’m rarely going to dislike a scene that Tuffnut is stealing the spotlight in. He’s great. Definitely a fave.

Stoick “The Vast” Haddock --- I love Papa Wolf Stoick. He’s not a perfect father, but I think he’s a very believable father who---and yes, I’m including the first movie in this---very obviously loves his son very much. Stoick is usually torn in two directions; he has to be a chief for the people of Berk, but he also has to be a single father (mostly---Gobber helped raise that boy and I don’t know how to talk to you if you believe otherwise) for Hiccup, who is more than a handful despite only weighing 90 lbs as a teenager. It has been talked about on this website time and again, so I won’t get into it, but Stoick actually was not very much of a disciplinarian at all to Hiccup, and one of my favorite scenes in the TV show is when Hiccup is giving Stoick a very determined, yet pleading, face because he wants something, and Stoick is just like, “Oh no. Not that face.” You know Hiccup has purposefully pulled that shit time and again over the years to get what he wants. It hasn’t always worked---it took Gobber to get Stoick to let Hiccup into dragon training (only for Hiccup, for reasons we know but Stoick doesn’t, to be like, “actually I don’t want that anymore” and Stoick to be like “why gods” as any parent would), but damn if you don’t believe it hasn’t worked so much over the years. Hiccup wouldn’t try it if it didn’t. Above all, though, Stoick truly does love his son. He’s so protective over him. He gets goddamn scary and vengeful when Hiccup is threatened multiple times over the course of the show, and in the second movie actually sacrifices his life to shield Hiccup with his own body. He runs hell for leather across the battlefield to do just that. So many people unjustly like to demonize Stoick and call him abusive (he is far from it), but I love him. I live the Stoick Appreciation Life.

Astrid Hofferson --- Astrid would probably be higher up on the list if she was allowed to do more things outside of Hiccup. I do disagree with the notion I sometimes see tossed around in fandom that she’s nothing but Hiccup’s Love Interest™, because that isn’t true; we see that Astrid has her own interests, hobbies, and activities outside of him, and we also see her bond with other characters outside of him (especially Heather, but the TV show also gave us a couple episodes where she bonded / interacted with the twins outside of him (and had Ruffnut call her out on treating them poorly), and we also see her bond with Snotlout some). We see that she’s excellent at Dragon Racing, and to be honest she had more bonding time and interaction with Eret in the second movie than Hiccup did (for understandable reasons). However, I do think that Astrid does suffer from being Hiccup’s designated love interest at times---that she’s allowed to do things outside of him until whoever is writing the current thing suddenly remembers that she has to be there for Hiccup to save or be doted on by. We see this often in the TV show, wherein she is very often damseled and he is her hero while the reverse really isn’t true, and we also see this in the second movie, wherein the only reason why she was given any attention at all is because she is Hiccup’s fiancée. The rest of the Riders were basically background set pieces in the second movie, and the only reason why Astrid wasn’t is because she’s special because she’s Hiccup’s intended. It’s sad, but true. I love Astrid for a lot of her qualities---her ambition, determination, bravery (which is sometimes recklessness), her spunk and cheer and love for her home---but I also do wish that she wasn’t at times saddled by the burden of being the Love Interest.(With that said, though, I do think the show improved on her relationship with Hiccup. Dean DeBlois said that they were automatically a couple at the end of HTTYD 1, which makes very little sense with Astrid’s character, and in fact sacrifices her character---and any chance at actually developing a relationship between them---for the sake of giving Hiccup a trophy girlfriend. The TV show axes that and instead lets them be friends first, and then (human) best friends, and then lovers. I’ve seen so many people outright bitching about the TV show’s portrayal and saying that it “ruined everything the movies set up,” but the movies set up literal garbage* as far as this ship is concerned, so honestly, the TV show is an improvement. (*Their interactions in the second movie are natural and adorable . . . but make no sense following the nonsense in the first. Their interactions in the second movie make sense when you take in the relationship we saw them build in the TV show. Hence, again, the show was a saving grace. And by the way, these movies are still my favorite movies of all time, but I am allowed to criticize certain aspects, and the Hiccstrid relationship is one aspect I will rightfully criticize and feel was fixed in the show.) 

Viggo Grimborn --- Can we bring him back? Well, no, because he’s dead, and at this point the show has had so many “lol jk” deaths that we need at least one of them to be real, and unfortunately it’s probably going to be his---which is a damn shame, because he’s the most compelling villain this entire series has had yet. Like, Drago got very annoying, very fast with his constant screaming. Viggo? He “speaks softly, but carries a big stick.” He is an absolute threat with the intelligence and army to back up his ambitions, but he’s softer spoken, clever, and keeps his cards close to his chest. He’s absolutely the perfect foil to Hiccup, and I loved seeing their games play out over the course of two seasons. In a way, he was like the Slade to Hiccup’s Robin. It was delightful. Shame his ending had to be such garbage; it was so rushed and out of character and terrible. RIP, Viggo. You will be missed.

Ruffnut Thorston --- Ruffnut is lower than her brother because, unfortunately, she hasn’t been given as much time to shine as him. However, I do love what we’ve seen of her, especially as the seasons have gone on. Whereas Tuffnut is full-on Cloud Cuckoolander, Ruffnut seems to mostly go along with that for funsies. Otherwise, she’s very clearly the more grounded of the two, and in many ways is her brother’s keeper with how protective she is over him (sometimes; other times she’ll happily push him off a cliff, but to be fair he’s always okay). She’s a stark badass who isn’t afraid to speak her mind or face down any threat, downright snarking in the face of men who want to kill her. She also knows what she wants and is unafraid to chase it, though she would do well to learn boundaries (because honestly, Ruff, when Eret says no, he means no). Ruffnut’s great. I hope that, since the show is continuing, she gets even more time to shine.

Eret, son of Eret --- I haven’t actually watched the second movie in ages, which is probably why Eret is so low on this list. If I rewatched it, my Eret love might ignite again. I do like him a lot, though, especially as we see him near the end of the movie, where he has bonded with dragons, is honored to take care of Skullcrusher, and holds that smol child in his arms during the final battle. I really need to rewatch the second movie, but yeah, I like Eret a lot.

Snotlout Jorgenson --- Snotlout, Snotlout, oi oi oi! I think that Snotlout, while he can at times be obnoxious and aggravating, has a lot of depth to him with regards to his insecurities, his difficulties with his father (even worse than Hiccup’s considering Spitelout actually is emotionally abusive to his son), and his difficulties with finding a place he’s comfortable with among the Riders. Hiccup and Snotlout have a very Michael and GOB (from Arrested Development) relationship where they do get along, and in some ways Snotlout would be comfortable with working under Hiccup, but Snotlout often feels pressured to be better than Hiccup and so these two conflicts drive him to do obnoxious things at times. But overall I think that his insecurities are relatable and he’s a great character. Also, while my relationship with Shiloh was very much Hiccup & Toothless, my relationship with Morgan is very Snotlout & Hookfang. It’s uncanny.

Honorable mentions go to: Gobber, Dagur, Gustav, and Trader Johann.

[fantasysuiteleague]

Week 4: Ex Mates and Shitty Dates

We annoyingly pick back up at the end of the pool party to see that the girls have not yet realized they are stuck in a shitty West World loop where they sit around and complain about Corinne, assuming Nick is “better than this,” without yet realizing that he doesn’t actually care about any of them and their feelings do not matter. A few feet away Nick is being scolded by Vanessa, which obviously scares him as he more or less begs her to “be patient” while he continues to make a fool out of himself and the rest of the women.  Corinne is sleeping off-camera, uninterested in Nick’s transparent speech about how he appreciates everyone’s *openness* yet, somehow, still feels like he’s “making the right decisions.” 

Jasmine provides a flabbergasted in-camera realization that Corinne doesn’t even have a rose and yet is so confident in her *connection* with Nick that she has yet again opted-out of participating. Eventually Taylor and Sarah take it upon themselves to let Corinne know that her shit “hasn’t looked the best,” which is like telling Trump that he’s “sort of unpopular.” After Sarah tells Corinne that she needs to pull it together because she’s embarrassing her parents and coming off super entitled, Corinne offers up the alternative fact that she is not privileged.

After this unsurprisingly ineffective *confrontation,* Corinne goes on to “wonder” why Sarah and Taylor are so obsessed with her. And by “wonder,” I mean very knowingly point out that, much like our old pal Chad, she has taken up an enormous amount of real estate in everyone’s brain, and is there to stay whether they like it or not. She’s the only thing that the girls are talking about; she’s getting the most attention from me and everyone else watching; even Chris Harrison pulls Nick aside before the rose ceremony to talk about her. But then again, this was her plan the entire time. And it’s one we’ve seen before from the OG villain Courtney Robertson. Get on the show and be obnoxiously sexual with the Bachelor while simultaneously being insensitive, irrational and offensive to the girls, and then start saying ridiculous shit like “I love the taste of victory” or “we’re fighting for a fiancé, not a pickle.” And why not take this route (besides all the obvious reasons like, for example, your future) when it leads to maximum screen time and your name in lights for a few extra minutes?

Home Sweet Home

“Get ready to travel around the world! Starting with .... Milwaukee, Wisconsin!!” While the girls feign excitement over flying from California to Wisconsin, we get a head with Nick and meet up with his parents in a quaint little diner in Waukesha, Wisconsin. Within the first 23 seconds of being on-screen (yes, I counted), Nick’s mom is crying. I mean, I would be too if this were my son, but come ON lady do you not have any other tricks in those bags under your eyes? As it turns out, no, she does not. Nick spends his time with his weepy mother and beta father explaining that he has finally lowered his guard and thinks he can find love this time. Now if you’re me you might have stopped and said “wait, what guard?!” before remembering the guard that kept him from going on this show and trying to propose to someone not once, but twice. Yeah, that “guard.”

Giggles and Girlfriends

After meeting up with the girls in the park, Nick whisks Danielle L. away for a date consisting of walking around town like “normal people.” As this date goes on and they force awkward conversations about nothing, I start to notice that Danielle L. giggles literally every time she opens her mouth to speak. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she’s just nervous, but I’m a cynical asshole, so I’m pretty sure she just doesn’t have much of a personality and it’s the only way she knows how to feign interest. At one point when they’re strolling down the street they walk past a cafe and just so happen to run into one of Nick’s ex-girlfriends whom he dated some undisclosed amount of time ago. Interestingly enough, I know someone who indirectly knows this girl. Turns out this girl hasn’t spoken to Nick for over 10 years and she is happily married with two kids. One day she got a call from the producers who offered her cash to come on the show and “surprise” Nick in this scene. They told her what to say about Nick, she was handed her money, and went on her merry way.

Later that night Danielle continues to giggle while just barely keeping her nipples in her dress. She gives the whole my-parents-got-divorced-so-I’m-more-mature-than-most-24-year-olds speech, and tries to spin her lack of knowledge about Nick as wanting to be open-minded. It’s all pretty transparent, seeing as she was 100% recruited to be on this show and has no intention of marrying Nick. Then again, does anyone? And if so, we should probably get them some help.

America’s Dairyland

Obviously all of the girls would rather be in a spa eating a taco, Corinne, but you can’t get to Bachelor in Paradise without going on at least 1-2 terrible group dates.  So even though Nick has clearly never been to a farm, he and the girls get to do some farm chores because Wisconsin is famous for cheese and this was the most creative the writers could get. Even more creative is the main storyline for this group date: Corinne and her unwillingness to do any chores. We get a little comical relief at the expense of Jaimi’s sexuality when Nick can’t manage to work the teat so Jaimi the resident bisexual has to come in and show him how its done, but even this feels lazy. After we’re treated to extensive footage of the girls shoveling cow shit, Corinne decides to take a seat away from the action because her fingers hurt....

Later that night, Astrid starts to gain sentience as she asks “how many more group conversations are we going to have about Corinne?” finally realizing they are all stuck in a loop and that maybe, just maybe, none of this matters. As the girls continue on their loop, Corinne listens from just outside the room and decides its time to take action. She starts by recycling an old Bachelor gag by comparing herself to a vegetable and then aggressively grabs her chest, demanding to know if THIS behavior is immature. And in this moment, she pushes it too far. I’m not laughing anymore because this is tired and transparent, and I feel insulted that she (and the producers) think that this dog and pony show is entertaining. I mean, yes, it’s entertaining but COME ON. It’s been done before. 

With some encouragement from the producers, Corinne decides to present herself to the group for a hearing on the reality of her immaturity. Unfortunately, Sarah is the senator chose to question Corinne’s intentions for the group and she blows it. Instead of attacking Corinne’s disingenuously shitty character, she decides to focus on Corinne’s rose ceremony nap. Sensing weakness, Corinne pounces and goes on and on about how SORRY she is for taking a nap, knowing full well that the girls’ issues are larger than her one nap. The only person we see really getting under Corinne’s skin is Kristina, the Russian spy who ultimately wins the night. Earlier Kristina stole Nick first and had a great chat about how she wants to tell him all about her past as a Russian oligarch’s daughter who almost died in a bus crash but then was rendered blind until she was pistol whipped by her captive 20 years later, but doesn’t ever seem to have much time with him because he’s dating 25 other women. Feeling invigorated by Nick telling her that he loves her “zest for life,” Kristina hits Corinne with a “right reasons” accusation and barely lets Corinne get a word in as she brushes off her false claim of having a “medical condition” that kept her from participating in the rose ceremony. After confusing Corinne with her broken English and calling her out for lying about a panic attack, Corinne gives up and walks away. Kristina ends up getting the group date rose for the night, putting the cherry on top of the first successful Corinne Confrontation of the season.

That’s So Raven

Raven drew the short straw this week by getting the “realistic and meaningful” date with Nick which includes going to Bella’s soccer game with Nick and his parents. Unsubscribe. Having played soccer all my life, there is nothing worse than watching young girls play the sport. Nick’s mom shockingly manages to make it through her 1 minute of screen time without crying. After the soccer game, Bella and the gang opt-out of showering and instead go to the local indoor skating rink where Nick shows off his super cool skating moves and makes out with Raven in front of his parents and sister. Later that night Raven tells Nick a tale as old as time about this one time she caught her boyfriend cheating on her. But it’s not your average I-walked-in-on-him story. Instead, she purportedly got a call from a friend who said that some girl was about to fuck her boyfriend, prompting her to get in her car and drive to Arkansas to confront him. When she gets there, the bedroom door is obviously locked (even though she was out of town so he had nothing to hide?) so she KICKS IT OPEN to see her boyfriend thrusting into a stranger’s vagina. 

She proceeds to launch herself at them, scratching her boyfriend and beating him over the head with a shoe. The best part about this entire story is the low key demeanor in which she tells it -- as if all of this is normal everyday life and not something resembling a scene from Jerry Springer. 

Roses are Rude

Despite having a rose, Danielle L. breaks the cardinal rule of cocktail parties and steals Nick away to have a one-sided nonsensical conversation about how she’s just gonna “go for it” and “put herself out there.” This awkward conversation is made even more awkward by resident know-it-all Taylor who interrupts them by just standing next to the bench and not saying anything. While Taylor and other girls get their time with Nick, Corinne is busy inhaling apps and talking to Josephine with her mouth full about how gross Taylor is...lol. Josephine, having clearly figured out that the best way to get screen time is to be the Karen Smith to Corinne’s Regina George, agrees with Corinne and points out that everyone has been talking about Corinne behind her back...except her. 

After bulking up, Corinne decides she’s not going to be fake so grabs Taylor by the hand like they’re pals and leads her outside to confront her about how "disgusting” Taylor’s behavior towards her has been. Taylor one again does an incredibly good job of calmly trying to explain to Corinne why she’s terrible, but because Corinne is a child, she locks on to one word--intelligent--and starting shouting that she’s not stupid. Well, it’s pretty clear that in a lot of ways Corinne is a stupid little girl who has no business “running” a multi-million dollar company or marrying a 36-year-old, but I also recognize that she set this up herself to guarantee more screen time, so it’s not completely accurate to call her unintelligent. Taylor hasn’t yet figured out that you can’t rationalize with an irrational person, and so we’re left with a “to be continued” even though, thanks to past seasons and the guarantee that Nick will never do the right thing, we know exactly how this will end.

Did you notice . . .

We are not impressed by your use of the word “plethora,” Taylor.

Nick definitely gets his limp dick from his dad.

“Everything is good now and everything is great in the world.” Lol just wait until November, Raven. 

I find it incredibly hard to believe that Danielle L. didn’t have her first kiss until she was 17. I had an afro 1/2 of my childhood and still was able to find a boy to make out with in 5th grade. Sure, he ended up becoming a druggie, dropping out of high school, and allegedly having an affair with my old drama teacher (who later got fired for embezzling school funds), but that’s not the point.

Raven shows up to the date with noticeably longer hair than she’s had at any point in the season. If you’re going to rock some wack extensions, you gotta rock them the whole time girl.

Alexis’s biggest fears are Nicolas Cage and aliens. Same, tbh. It’s pretty clear that Alexis is sticking around because she’s hilarious and easy to talk to. She really deserves more screen time.

I’m just going to leave THIS right here .... you’re welcome.

Minority Report: I think we’ve set a record for number of black girls (3) to make it past week 4!! I’m not sure how much longer we have Jasmine or Jamimi, but I’m still holding out hope that Rachel is able to overcome her *disability* of being a black girl on the Bachelor and make it to the top 4. 

[astridspokemonfic]

Episode 8: Spheal the Deal!

Narrator: After their brush with Team SubZero, our heroes have recovered from the harrowing ordeal only to come to an abrupt realization.

“I never got to actually go inside the aquarium!” Astrid shrieked. Considering it was 10 in the morning, it wasn’t exactly a pleasant sound. The twins gave her the most annoyed look they were capable of. (Especially considering that they woke up late.) Janine thankfully, was spared from the sound since she was inside taking a video call.

“You didn’t realize?” Kaytlyn raised an eyebrow.

“No I didn’t!” She scowled.”I was caught up in that poacher stuff!”

“You tend to not notice a lot of things.” Kayla muttered. “There was the Double Contest thing last week… and now with the aquarium.”

“Shut up!” the teen huffed, “Why don’t you ever tease Janine about anything?”

Kayla thought for a moment before turning to her sister. “Should I?”

“Janine never really does anything tease-worthy-”

“Yes she does!” Astrid interjected. “First of all she’s a total weeb.”

“True.”

“She has scoliosis.”

“Also true.”

“She’s an emo.”

“Uh-huh.”

“She’s-“

“I’m what?”

Astrid let out a shriek, unaware that Janine had somehow snuck up on her. The trainer gave her an unimpressed look before continuing.

“I got a call from Adrian. He’s gonna be here in a few minutes and he wanted to make sure that we were still here so we could finally battle.” Janine explained.

“You do know that Adrian has a type advantage on you right?” Kayla pointed out. Janine shrugged.

“I’ll just do the same thing I did with Romeo back at the gym.”

“Uh, but what if Mudkip evolved?”

“What?”

Kayla gave her a concerned look before Astrid cut in, “Mudkip evolves into Marshtomp, complete with a Water/Ground-Typing. Fire has a quarter of its usual effectiveness, and Electric does absolutely nothing.”

“Well… that’s a problem.” The trainer stated, dumbfounded.

“Yeah. On the other hand it becomes double weak to Grass-Types.” Astrid said smugly, offering Kayla a hi-five since they both chose grass-type starters.

“Well. Time to spam Double-Kick.”

“You can’t just do that!” Kayla pointed out.

“Yes I can.”

“That’s the most basic and unoriginal strategy I’ve ever heard.”

“Bet. I’ll beat him.”

“I hate you.”

~*~*~*~*~

After a few minutes of waiting, Adrian and his friends had shown up at the entrance of the Pokemon Center. The group caught their attention with a series of shouts and joking cat-calls. (At least on Astrid’s end)

“Please shut up. You’re all so embarrassing.” Adrian pleaded, glancing around to other bystanders.

“You love us.” Astrid crowed, meaning to embarrass him further. She narrowly dodged an incoming slap and moved over to hug Sheyla and Andrea.

“How was Route 3?” Janine motioned to his ragged appearance.

“Other than the ungodly amount of Mightyena and Poochyena everywhere, it was great! I caught two Pokemon!”

“Woah! Two?” Kayla asked curiously. At Adrian’s nod, the teen beckoned Astrid over, hoping she would lend the Pokedex to her for a few minutes. Wordlessly, Adrian reached to two more Pokeballs hanging at his hip (Wow, how did they not notice those?). Each Pokemon popped out with their own unique cries.

“An Aron and Ralts?”

Astrid handed her Pokedex to Kayla and knelt down to poke at the Psychic-Type.

“Ralts, the Feeling Pokemon. Ralts senses the emotions of people using the horns on its head. This Pokémon rarely appears before people. But when it does, it draws closer if it senses that the person has a positive disposition.”

Kaytlyn snorted. “Well that makes absolutely no sense.”

“What do you mean?”

“Adrian, you are one of the most aggressive people I’ve ever met. Second to a rampaging Tauros.” She snickered. Adrian gave her a hard look before sighing.

“True.”

“Is there a particular story behind this?” Janine asked, remembering her Mareep.

“Not with Ralts. He just threw the Pokeball as soon as he beat him. Pretty standard.” Andrea shrugged, “But Aron? There’s a story behind that one.”

“Ralts is a he?” Kayla gave Ralts a onceover, not understanding how such a feminine Pokemon could possibly be male. “Remind me to introduce you to Astrid’s Vulpix.” she muttered.

“Sh! I want to hear the Aron story!” Kaytlyn threw leaves at her sister, acting over dramatic. Kayla gave her a wounded look and simply scanned Aron in response.

“Aron, the Iron-Armor Pokemon. This Pokémon has a body of steel. To make its body, Aron feeds on iron ore that it digs from mountains. Occasionally, it causes major trouble by eating bridges and rails.”

“Okay, so basically.” Sheyla began, “Adrian had already caught Ralts like the day before, and he was training up her Magical Leaf attack. And then out of nowhere the Aron comes out.

“Adrian’s like ‘Oh this is going to be great training experience!’ and he sends Ralts to battle. Andrea and I just sorta… move away because this is probably the eighth time he’s done this in the past hour or so. He’s insane.”

“I was training my Pokemon!”

“You couldn’t have waited until we got to a Pokemon Center? You’re the reason it took 3 days to get here! Whatever.” Sheyla waved him away and the boy sat down, no longer able to tell his own story, “Anyway. We were just talking about how stupid Adrian is, and then he starts screeching. Out of nowhere.”

“It was concerning.” Andrea added, giving the gay a disgusted look. Adrian narrowed his eyes in response.

“Mhm. Well. We go over and we’re like,

‘What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Is Ralts hurt?’ But no. Instead he starts yelling at us to give him his bag, and he won’t answer when we ask what’s going on. So we just fling his bag over and he’s all panicky, and he doesn’t even look and he throws a Pokeball at Aron. But it doesn’t work. Obviously. And Aron escapes and starts to run.”

“Yes, of course, I’d run too.” Astrid nods, unhelpfully. Janine scoffs.

“And instead of battling it again, like a logical human being, Adrian throws another Pokeball. Which doesn’t work. And he continues this maybe 4 more times before finally throwing a Great Ball.”

“Why on Arceus’s green Earth would you do that?” Janine turned to the boy in question.

“Aron has a Secret Ability!” Adrian said, showing them his Pokedex.

“Secret Ability?”

“You know how Pokemon have abilities?” Sheyla began. Janine nodded.

“Arroz has Static as her ability.”

“Arroz? Who the- Actually, nevermind. Anyway, Secret Abilities are just really rare abilities that a certain Pokemon species may have. For Aron species in particular, their secret ability is Heavy Metal, meaning they become heavier in battle. Most Pokemon have Hidden abilities that make it so that they have a better advantage in battle.”

“I heard about Hidden Abilities before in school, but I didn’t think we’d actually meet a Pokemon with one!” Astrid said in wonderment. Kayla had a similar look as they inspected Aron thoroughly.

“I wonder if any of our Pokemon have a Secret Ability.” Kaytlyn thought out loud.

“I wouldn’t even know the difference.” Janine admitted. She turned her attention back to Adrian, “So about that battle…” Adrian nodded in excitement and was about to set the terms before Astrid interrupted.

“Woah, woah, woah! I’d just like to remind you that I haven’t gone to the Aquarium yet!”

“Literally no one cares.” Adrian gave her a harrowing look. Astrid glared right back.

“You can wait. I’ve wanted to go to the Aquarium since the first day we got to this sandy purgatory! Listen. You two can battle after we visit the aquarium.” She turned to Kayla and Andrea and began to drag them along, “Before something ridiculous happens and Team SubZero decides to blow up a daycare or something.” Sheyla watched the coordinator drag her friends along before a thought struck her.

“Who’s Team SubZero?” Janine took a double-take.

“You haven’t encountered them yet?”

“It doesn’t really matter, they’re just a bunch of Pokemon stealing weirdos in parkas.” Kaytlyn said dismissively.

Adrian nodded sagely. “Like Team Rocket.”

They have him a look.“Who’s Team Rocket?”

“This group back in the 90s that- actually nevermind it doesn’t matter. Just follow them before they get themselves run over.”

~*~*~*~*~

Turns out saving Pokemon from being kidnapped comes with its perks. When they started to pay for their tickets, the lady at the ticket booth had told them ‘It was already taken care of’ and told them to pass right through.

Andrea eyed the ticket booth in suspicion.“Did you somehow join the mafia in the time we’ve been gone?”

“More like stopped the mafia.” Kayla corrected, “We got Team SubZero to back off yesterday, so I’m guessing this is their way of saying thank you.”

“You keep mentioning this Team SubZero.”

“Bruh. We met them the first day we started our journey!” Astrid began her over dramatized tale of rescuing the twins, much to their chagrin.

“You never finished that story back in Rocens, you know.”

“I was nervous for my contest.” She shrugged. Janine narrowed her eyes.

“So you mean to tell me that they never crossed paths with you guys once?”

“Nope!”

“We’ve crossed with them twice! And they’ve tried to kill us both times!” Astrid exclaimed. Kayla could only offer a long-withering sigh.

“Coincidence?”

She glared up at the sky just long enough to avoid permanent eye damage. “Arceus is playing some huge trick and is laughing his plates off right now.”

“Wait a minute! Backtrack!” Adrian paused in front of her, “What do you mean tried to kill you?”

“Uh. Kind of? The first time there was this Ciela woman who wanted to catch the twins and she took their Pokemon too.” Janine thought back.

Astrid giggled. “Then we destroyed her stupid machine.”

“Yeah, and then she wanted to freeze-dry us with her Froslass!”

“Don’t be stupid. Froslass can’t learn Freeze-Dry.” Kayla gave her a grin.

“You’re all surprisingly calm about facing a criminal organization.” Sheyla pointed out.

“Oh, it’s never calm. Every minute it feels like I’m about to either cry, punch someone, or a mix of both.” Kaytlyn grimaced, “It’s not fun.”

“Either we’re suppressing our trauma, or we’re sociopaths.” Kayla glanced at her phone, “At least according to Google.”

“Or you’re adrenaline junkies with hero complexes.” Sheyla suggested. Janine considered for a moment before agreeing dejectedly. Astrid let out a loud gasp and dragged Kayla through to a glow-in-the-dark display.

“Kayla! Check out these Tentacool!”

“I already saw them- Stop pulling on me!”

Kaytlyn heaved out a sigh before following her sister. “Sweet Arceus.”

The group slowly crept through the aquarium, stopping frequently to marvel at the different types of Water-Type Pokemon that called the aquarium their home. Janine had to admit that there were details she hadn’t noticed before when she was running around looking for culprits. The silence was broken every few moments when someone would crack a joke or had an interesting fact to share.

The teens followed each exhibits, until they had gone through the entire building, exiting in the courtyard. From there, it was of little argument where to go, as they all agreed that it would be most interesting to watch one of the upcoming shows.

Their curiosity led to a designated pool area that was surrounded by glass, likely to keep people from getting too close to the Pokemon. There were hardly any people sitting in the arena, maybe two or three adults and the rest were staff who were easily recognizable in yellow polos.

Next to the pool was a platform where a man in a wetsuit was standing with his arms crossed staring down at a group of round blue Pokemon.

Janine took out her Pokedex and scanned the Water-Types.

“Spheal, the Clap Pokemon. Spheal always travels by rolling around on its ball-like body. When the season for ice floes arrives, this Pokémon can be seen rolling about on ice and crossing the sea.”

“It’s so round…” Kayla looked at the Pokemon with wide eyes. The group of Spheal clapped enthusiastically, some rolling around dumbly. A single Spheal was the outlier of the group far away, and refusing to even get close. The Pokemon began to practice some sort of routine, each taking turns bouncing a beach ball to each other. In a word, it was one of the cutest displays they’d ever seen. Until it was the last one’s turn.

The Spheal smacked the ball back with more force than necessary, bonking one of the others in the face.

“Spheal, come on! Please cooperate for once!”  The trainer pleaded to no avail as the Spheal absolutely ignored him. “Spheal!”

“Woah, that Spheal really doesn’t want to listen to him.” Astrid whistled, pressing closer to the foggy glass. Kayla nodded.

“Maybe it doesn’t want to do their routine?” she suggested. The Spheal bounced closer to one of the others and promptly smacked it so hard that it rolled backwards into the water. “Or. Maybe it’s just mean.”

The man seemed to be at wits end as the Spheal bounced/rolled around causing chaos amongst the others.

“Spheal it’s not that hard! Bounce the ball!” The handler seemed to try a different approach, giving a nervous laugh as he gently tossed the ball in said Pokemon’s direction. The Spheal gave him an angry look at smacked the ball back again. The handler barely caught it. Spheal opened its mouth and began to form a ball of ice.

Sheyla recognized the move immediately. “That’s Ice Ball!” The handler seemed to notice and thankfully dodged the first time. However, he wasn’t so lucky the second time and was knocked backwards.

“Shouldn’t someone intervene?” Andrea looked around nervously and spotted some of the staff ignoring the scene in front of them, or maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal?

“Woah, let’s talk about this!” The handler scrambled backwards as another Ice Ball shot past his face.

“I think we should intervene!” Adrian said, prompting his friends to run to the glass door on the side that read ‘Employees Only’. The teens pushed their way past each other through the narrow door. Kaytlyn was the first to throw a Pokeball out.

“Charmander, use Ember!” Her Fire-Type released a barrage of small fires at the Ice Ball, throwing it off it’s trajectory and down to the tiled floor. Andrea helped the man up while Kaytlyn faced down with the angry Pokemon. The Spheal stared down Charmander with a surprising amount of ferocity. The Spheal let out a bark and began to roll towards Charmander at an alarmingly fast pace. The lizard hopped to the side to avoid the attack.

“That was Rollout!” Astrid exclaimed as the group parted to avoid the still rolling Pokemon. She threw down a Pokeball, “Vulpix use Fire Spin to keep it in place! Wait- but not too strong!”

The fire fox popped out and released flames from its mouth that quickly formed a circle of fire around the spheal, a muted version of it’s usual fire tornado. The Spheal rolled in place inside the fire circle for a few moments before rolling out, completely oblivious to the flames. Astrid let out a shriek and scooped Vulpix out of the way.

“Charmander, use Dragon Rage!” Charmander gathered a collection of orange energy in its mouth and released it towards the Spheal resulting in a cloud of dark smoke. When the Water-Type came into view, it seemed injured, but continued to glare at Charmander as if it wanted to continue fighting. Charmander let out a growl and Spheal’s glare faltered for a moment.

“That’s it! Spheal, return!” The handler recalled Spheal back to its Pokeball. The man sighed heavily before turning to the teens, “I’m sorry for Spheal’s behavior.”

“Is it usually like this?” Andrea asked warily. He sighed again.

“Unfortunately, yes. Spheal’s been causing trouble for the Aquarium for quite some time. Because of that, Spheal is the only Pokemon here that needs to be in a Pokeball.”

Sheyla looked up from where she was staring at a snoozing Spheal. “Is Spheal originally from the wild?” “No.” He replied, “Spheal was hatched and raised here in this Aquarium. We have no idea where he learned how to battle though.” He rubbed the back of his head, “He’s been picking fights with the other Pokemon, so we couldn’t have him in any exhibits. Similarly, he struck out in the petting zoo…”

“You let him around children?”

“Yeah, that was a mistake. This Spheal show is the last chance we have for him.”

“What do you mean last chance?” Kayla gave him a curious look.

“Well, if Spheal can’t live in the Aquarium, we either send him somewhere else or we release him to the wild. Because Spheal is so volatile, they’re leaning towards the latter.” 

Sheyla narrowed her eyes. “Don’t Pokemon raised in captivity die in the wild?”

“Wait they do?!” Kayla’s eyes were wide with surprise.

“Pokemon that are raised in captivity aren’t used to life in the wild; They don’t know how to hunt  or protect themselves. It’s almost as if their natural survival instincts have been wiped away completely. Unless a Pokemon is exceptionally strong, it’s not advisable to send them into the wild on their own.”

“That’s cruel! Why would they be leaning towards that option?”

“Because Spheal’s built up a reputation as being difficult with other people and Pokemon. None of the Breeding Centers and Aquariums we’ve contacted want him.” The handler glanced down at the Pokeball in his hands. “We can’t find anyone who can handle him, and he’s purposely been messing up the shows by trying to fight everything in the immediate vicinity. Including me. The most we can do is hope that when we release Spheal, he’ll be caught by some nice trainer.”

“Or…” Adrian cut in, “You could cut out the middle and just give Spheal to a trainer directly.”

Astrid gave him a look. “What trainer could control Spheal?” She held her hand up, “And don’t say you.”

“Pff, no! I already have a Water-Type. I meant Kaytlyn.”

“What? Me?” Kaytlyn and Charmander had been half-heartedly been listening to the conversation until her name was called.

“Well, yeah. You got Spheal to back off long enough for its handler to call it back to its Pokeball. I’m sure you could handle it.” He gave her a pat on the back as if it was any consolation.

“That’s right! You took on Romeo and beat him despite the type disadvantage! You’d totally be able to handle a water type!” Astrid joined in, blatantly ignoring Kaytlyn’s motions for her to shut up. The twin turned to Janine in the hopes that she’d stop them.

“...You might be able to teach Spheal to calm down. You’re pretty calm in most situations.”

“No I’m not!”

“You have to admit that Spheal gives you a tactical advantage. Spheal would give you an advantage over Rock-Types and Ground-Types. Which are strong against Charmander.” Sheyla added. 

Kaytlyn turned to her Charmander who was staring up at her intently. “What do you think? Would you be okay with another Pokemon on our team?” Charmander seemed to consider a moment before letting out a happy sort of growl, letting the flame on its’ tail grow larger. “Well if you’re okay with it…”

“You seem to be a strong trainer. I’m trusting you with Spheal okay? So… take good care of him.” The handler gently placed the Pokeball in her cupped hands. “I should go practice the routine with the others, so good luck with Spheal!” The handler said brightly, leading the Spheal herd away through a door.

“So… what now?”

~*~*~*~*~

With the aquarium trip cut short, the teens sat out in the grass outside the Pokemon Center, lounging on the grass in various states of relaxation. Kind of.

“Kaytlyn, just let it out!” Kayla was thoroughly done with her sister.

“No! It’s going to attack me or something!”

“Then I’ll do it for you!” Kaytlyn dodged her sisters hands before she could grab the Pokeball. “Why are you so scared? Charmander is right there.”

Astrid looked up. “We could all let our Pokemon out if that helps.”

“That’s not a good idea.” Janine placed her hand on the Coordinator’s shoulder to keep her from releasing her Chikorita. “If there are too many Pokemon around it might get intimidated and then it’ll actually attack.”

Astrid let out a groan, “Then do something already! We didn’t even get to see the petting zoo area!” She threw a short twig at Kaytlyn in annoyance.

The girl gave her a dirty look before taking a deep breath. Charmander cooed in support while the other trainers backed up significantly.

“Here goes.” Kaytlyn flung the Pokeball into the air and tensed up. When Spheal materialized in front of them it immediately looked around and began to glare at Charmander. She quickly stepped between them, blocking their glares. “I’m just gonna cut in here, Spheal, I’m your trainer.”

“Way to rip off the bandage!” Kayla teased from her safe spot behind Janine. Kaytlyn sighed and knelt down to offer her hand to the Pokemon.

“Listen, we didn’t start off on the best terms, but I hope we can work together.” The Water-Type gave her an unimpressed look and turned away huffily.

“Maybe Spheal is still mad at you and Charmander.” Andrea tried.

“At this point I think it’s less that Spheal’s holding a grudge and more that this is just how he acts.”

“Oh That’s right!” Adrian nodded, “Spheal didn’t even listen to his handler!”

“You two need some bonding exercises.” Astrid suggested, “Why don’t you play a game?”

“What game do you play with a Pokemon?” Adrian wrinkled his nose.

“Ducklett, Ducklett, Yungoos?” She tried.

“No.”

“Rowlet’s funny. That’s why we get along. ” Kayla mentioned. Adrian looked at her and decided to offer his advice as well.

“My Pokemon and I have a common goal: to be the strongest team in all of Niacal.”

“Ooh, same!” Astrid gave him a hi-five, “But also Chikorita, Vulpix, and I have a lot in common personality-wise.”

“So what I’m getting from this is to have a common goal, find what we have in common, and try to find a good personality trait.”

“Yeah.”

“Basically.”

She sighed again. Janine thought for a moment.

“You battle.” Janine paused, “Or share a life-threatening experience. That’s how it worked for Arroz and Pollo.”

(“She still hasn’t explained why they’re named after food.” Andrea muttered to Sheyla.)

“Wanna re-enact the Mightyena attack?” Kaytlyn gave her a sarcastic look.

“No, but battling is actually a really good idea!” Sheyla said, “In fact it’s probably what’s gonna help you and Spheal learn more about each other! There’s a whole study about how battling strengthens the bond between Trainers and Pokemon and helps them grow!” At this, Spheal suddenly rose to attention, growing more interested the longer he heard about battling other Pokémon.

“Yeah, but who wants to battle Spheal?” Kayla asked. No one volunteered until Janine spoke up.

“I know I promised to battle Adrian today, but actually, Adrian, would you mind battling Kaytlyn and Spheal instead?” “It’s good with me, but you’re going to have to battle me next time.” Adrian said, pushing himself up off the grass. “I assume you’ll be using Spheal for this?” Kaytlyn faltered for a moment.

“I’m… not so sure… Spheal will hardly listen to what I have to say.”

“Then start off with Charmander. Having Spheal watch the battle would mean he’d understand how the battle works first.” Kayla said. Astrid let out a few condescending scoffs before pulling Kayla back by her shoulder.

“Actually, it would be better for Spheal to experience the battle with Kaytlyn. They’d get a first hand experience at a partnership.”

“And Spheal could also completely ignore Kaytlyn and do whatever it wants getting itself, Kaytlyn, or other people and Pokemon in the process.”

“Kayla, I can watch the Olympics for a week straight. It doesn’t mean I can do backflips! You can’t learn it just by watching- Especially not with battling. Besides, it’s just a practice battle. You act like they’re facing the League.”

“People could get hurt!”

“Yes. And?”

“What?”

“I thought we’ve already gone over this: I don’t care about people.”

“Wha- Astrid!”

“Kayla!” she mocked.

“Or?” Sheyla stepped to intervene, “They could double battle. That literally combines both your solutions. You’re both stupid.”

Adrian swept stray grass off his pants and stood in a battle-ready stance. The twin gave him a look before turning to the Pokedex Janine had stuffed into her hands. It said that Spheal’s known moves were Ice Ball, Water Gun, Encore, and Rollout.

“So I’ll just avoid the obvious type disadvantage. Go! Marshtomp and Ralts!”

“I told you it evolved!” Kayla pointed out to her travelling companions.

“Janine, I don’t mean to alarm you, but if Adrian’s your rival, then maybe you should invest in some Grass-Type Pokemon.” Andrea stage whispered, causing the teen to let out a sigh in acceptance. Astrid took the opportunity to scan Adrian’s evolved starter.

“Marshtomp, The Mud Fish Pokemon. This Pokémon plays in mud on beaches when the ocean tide is low. Living on muddy ground that provides poor footing has made its legs sturdy.”

“Charmander, Spheal! Let’s go!” Surprisingly, Spheal was compliant, easily hopping up next to Charmander, giving a somewhat intimidating stare to Marshtomp.

“Ralts, start us off with Magical Leaf!” Ralts raised its hands above its head, summoning up a group of glowing green leaves. Ralts threw his hands down sending the leaves spiralling towards Spheal.

“Use Ember to burn that up!” Charmander hopped in front of Spheal and shot bolts of fire at the offending leaves, burning them up to ash.

“Marshtomp, Mud Bomb!” Marshtomp dug its arms (fins?) into the ground and hurled a blob of mud at the Fire-Type who was left momentarily defenseless. Kaytlyn opened her mouth to command Spheal, but hesitated a moment too late, unsure that Spheal would even bother listening. Spheal took action for her and formed an ice ball and throwing it back, countering the attack before it could hit.

“Have more confidence in your Pokemon!” Kayla cheered from the sidelines.

“Spheal reacted before Kaytlyn did. Interesting.” Sheyla hummed, “And Spheal countered the Mud Bomb just as Charmander did with the Magical Leaf.”

“He’s learning!” Janine marvelled, “He’s a natural battler.”

Spheal reared back and prepared another ice ball to throw at Ralts.

“Spheal, wait!” Kaytlyn called out. Spheal paid her no mind and shot the Ice Ball anyway.

“Ralts use teleport!” Ralts popped out of existence for a moment dodging the ice, leaving Spheal both confused and vulnerable to attack. “Marshtomp, use Tackle!” Marshtomp let out a cry and moved to throw itself onto the Spheal with full force. Spheal panicked for a split second

“Block that with Dragon Rage!” Charmander gathered a small amount of orange energy in its mouth and shot it out at Marshtomp, not hitting it, but preventing it from continuing its’ attack. This bought Spheal enough time to bounce away from the Marshtomp in the chaos.

Janine leaned over to Sheyla and Andrea.

“Kaytlyn isn’t going to win this is she?”

“Nope.” Sheyla didn’t bother to take her eyes off of the field.

“No, she isn’t.” Andrea cast an amused glance to the side, “Marshtomp is an evolved Pokemon with a double advantage against Charmander. And Ralts knows a Grass-Type move.”

“What’s important is that Spheal learns to that Pokemon Battles aren’t just about fighting.” Sheyla explained. “Battles are about showcasing the bond between Trainer and Pokemon.”

Andrea nodded, “That’s why Adrian’s holding back on attacking. He wants Spheal to realize that. Or maybe he’s getting a feel for the battle before destroys them… Either way.” She shrugged.

“That’s kinda… brutal…” Janine turned back to the practice battle.

“Charmander, use Scratch!” Charmander aimed its claws at the Marshtomp but was easily blocked. Most of Charmander’s moves would be useless either way, the most she could do was use Smokescreen to buy time-

“Use your other Pokemon!” Kayla yelled out to her, “Idiot.”

“What?!”

“Ralts, use Confusion on Charmander!” Ralts’ eyes were glowing blue under its bangs while Charmander seemed to have a blue outline. Without warning, Charmander was flung backwards into the dirt. “Marshtomp use Tackle again!” Marshtomp nodded in assent and threw itself at the Ice-Type Pokemon. Without Charmander to help defend, her only option was… Kaytlyn threw caution to the wind and took a chance.

“Spheal, use Rollout!” Spheal had no hesitation as it began to rapidly roll and landed the first actual hit in the battle, slamming into Marshtomp’s stomach. Spheal rolled back to Kaytlyn with a happy expression on his face. “Great Job!” She received a happy bark in response.

“It listened to her!” Janine let out a happy whoop and clapped a bit in encouragement.

“Marshtomp use Water Gun!” Marshtomp puffed its’ orange cheeks up then released a strong stream of water at Charmander. Kaytlyn looked to the Pokedex in her hand before deciding her next move.

“Charmander, use Ember to counter! Full Power!” Charmander glanced back at her with a ludicrous expression but followed her direction and shot out at the water. The Fire-Type move didn’t do much, barely keeping the strong water at bay. “Great! Spheal use Rollout on Ralts!” Spheal got a flopping start and spun its way over to the Psychic-Type.

“Ralts, use Teleport to get out of there!” Ralts easily popped out of view for a few moments, allowing him to dodge Spheal’s attack. Ralts reappeared in the same spot, confident in having dodged the attack.

“Come back!” Kaytlyn let herself grin watching her half-formulated strategy come to fruition. Like a yo-yo, Spheal rolled in place for a moment before rolling back in the same direction, hitting the unsuspecting Ralts. “One more time!” Spheal stopped for a second before changing direction and hitting Marshtomp who was busy fending off Charmander’s full strength Ember. Spheal rolled back to Kaytlyn, clearly satisfied with his accomplishment.

“That was so cool!” Astrid skipped over to shower the clearly uncomfortable Spheal to shower it with head scratches.

“You can’t just- This is a battle!” Adrian yelled from his side of the field. The coordinator didn’t even spare him a glance as she scratched behind the Water-Type’s ear.

“Practice Battle. We both know that if you really wanted to battle Kaytlyn, you wouldn’t have deliberately focused on one Pokemon at a time.”

“He was what?” Kaytlyn turned to her opponent in question. He shrugged unapologetically.

“I wasn’t about to straight up destroy the Pokemon you just got. I’m not stupid. You needed to build trust.” He rolled his eyes.

“Wow. Adrian being prepared. What a scholar.” Sheyla teased. He ignored her determinedly, even when the others joined in. Meanwhile Kaytlyn crouched down to Spheal’s level.

“So, Spheal, do you wanna stay on my team?”

Spheal gave her a funny look, like he was asking something. Kaytlyn mirrored the look before deciding to just explain in general.

“I’m aiming to be a Top Trainer here in Niacal. Maybe even the Champion given enough training. There’ll be plenty more battles like that, and you can grow stronger with me and Charmander. We work together as a group. So?”

Spheal gave some aggressively enthusiastic barks, clapping its’ fins against its’ round stomach.

“I’m assuming that’s a yes.” Kaytlyn gave another grin and scratched its’ head in thanks. When she dragged her attention back to the group, Adrian was discussing tomorrow’s activities.

“Tomorrow I’m taking on Romeo. Are you guys staying to watch it?” Astrid made a hissing sort of sound.

“Yikes. We’re kinda leaving tomorrow morning…”

“Are you serious? Every time?!”

“I don’t know, if you’re upset ask Mew for advice. Anyway, we’ll be heading to Silkgem for Janine’s second badge.” Kayla explained. She glanced at her other friend, “And probably stopping at any and all contests for Astrid. I can almost guarantee that you’ll catch up in a day or two.”

“If we don’t run into trouble.” Janine sighed, “Our battle is postponed again.”

“I don’t get it, why can’t we battle now?”

“For one, your Pokemon are exhausted and second, you should probably rest for tomorrow’s Gym Battle. Just a suggestion.”

“Also, Janine has the Harbor Badge and you don’t. If you ask me it’s kind of unfair since she has more badges than you.” Astrid cut in, clearly hoping to rile him up. She clearly succeeded if his indignant tone was any clue.

“Oh shut up!”

“On the upside,” she continued, “We can finally have that sleepover we didn’t get to have in Rocens city. We can make face masks!”

“Please don’t make face masks.” Janine groaned, causing her friends to laugh.

Narrator: With a new friend by her side, Kaytlyn begins to build her Pokemon team! With adventure just beyond the horizon, what will our heroes face next?

The entire group was sitting in a room that was clearly too small to house them. There were two bunks on either side. The bottom bunks held Sheyla, Andrea, Astrid and Adrian while Janine and the twins opted to sit on the floor rather than cram themselves onto the Pokemon Center beds. After their 4th round of Uno they began to calm down and were leisurely throwing down cards without any real malice. A thought crossed Janine’s mind as she threw down a Red Two.

“No seriously, you’ve never met team SubZero?” Janine asked seriously. Andrea shook her head while Popplio gave tilted its head.

“Not once.”

“Huh.”

“If you do, try to stop them from whatever it is they’re doing. It’s probably going to be nefarious and involve destruction.” Astrid brushed her Vulpix’s tail while he obediently sat still.

“Honestly.”

“It’s so weird though, what are their goals? Why drill in the forest? Why poach Pokemon and go through all the effort to kidnap them again?” Sheyla pointed out, “And why would that guy let you go?” She motioned to Janine.

“He said something about truths and ideals; Honestly I blanked out.” She shrugged.

“And why hire other people to do the poaching when they could clearly do it themselves?”

“The poachers said they were offering lots of money too.”

“It doesn’t add up!”

“You know what does? This Wild Draw Four!” Astrid howled, breaking the tense silence. Kayla who was next to sighed and accepted the cards with slight grumbling as the game heated up again and the topic was almost completely forgotten.

[slowburnittotheground]

Love Letters - Chapter 1

Festivals are one of the reasons Jude hates people. The crowds, the noise and the expectations of social interactions are too much for him; give him a wide, open field with no one in sight and he’s happy.

Renaissance festivals are hell on Earth. Not only are there crowds of people with whining children and rude customers, but they are dressed up in ridiculous, cringe-worthy costumes, talking like idiots and making believe. There’s something about the total lack of inhibitions that completely rubs him the wrong way-- he, who would die before letting someone see him dressing up or pretending.

So why has he agreed to working in one for the entire summer?

The problem started when he was born. No, alright, it might have been two years ago when he showed up at Nesbitt’s Ranch & Stable penniless, hopeless and desperate for work. Being in that position is dangerous: you are forced to rely on the kindness of others, which means you are in their pocket forever more. Not that Tara Nesbitt would have forced him to do any favours for her, but she had to know that he owed her so much that he would never say ‘no’ to any request. Even if it involved tending to the horses at the local Rennfaire.

Thank God the stables are out of the thick of things. They are tacked onto the side of a jousting ring on the north end of the faire grounds, and don’t even show up on ye-olde map in the centre of the ‘village’. Visiting the horses isn’t recommended and Jude is afforded some measure of privacy when he is working.

He gathers that this isn’t the largest faire, but he can’t imagine something like this being any more popular than this. He is still astounded that hundreds of people file in every weekend, and even on weekdays the place is almost full. Not everyone dresses up-- most families they are here to watch the events: the archery and the music and the juggling.

But whenever Jude is forced to walk through the faire, seeking the bathroom conveniently situated on the other side of the square, he eyes those who come in costume, wondering how on Earth a fairy is considered Renaissance, or what a pirate was doing this far from the coast.

“Jude!” He wants to run away at the sound of the name because who the hell would recognize him at one of these things but then he sees Matias and reminds himself that part of the reason he agreed to this fiasco was because one of his only friends had convinced him. Just barely.

“Ugh,” Jude offers in greeting. Matias is in costume, and Jude doesn’t even want to look at him. He does, anyway, and has to admit that his outfit is actually pretty convincing. Matias works here as a knight and they have probably given him one of the higher quality costumes: a long black tabard with silver embroidery along the seams and a crest of five silver lions on his chest. He wore it belted over real half-plate armor, with a long sword on his hip. With his tall, muscular frame, Matias might have been convincing, if it weren’t for the cellphone in his hand.

“Won’t you get in trouble for that?” Jude asks, nodding to the phone. Matias blinks in surprise and stows the phone in a leather pouch on his belt.

“It’s hard to remember to stay in character sometimes,” he says with a half grin. “Luckily most of this job is riding or I’d definitely get fired.”

“What, no heroic stage performances?” Jude says, stowing his hands in his own pockets and giving what he knows is a smarmy smile to his friend. “No princesses to save?”

Matias looks uncomfortable as he shifts weight from one leg to the other. “There’s a princess, but she hardly needs saving. More likely I’m going to have to save the other staff from her...”

Jude’s eyes wander to the pavilion on the other side of the square where the official faire ‘princess’ is available for pictures in her off time. He hasn’t met her yet, but one look has already told him that she is not any sort of damsel in distress.

“Yeah, good luck with that.”

“I take it you are still determined not to meet any of the other staff?” Matias asks, and Jude is annoyed that he has to go through this conversation for the hundredth time. Does Matias really think his opinion has changed after only two days of work?

“No offense, Matias, but these people are ridiculous. You might ride and joust, which I guess redeems you to an extent, but some of the staff literally just walk around in character. They just pretend all day. They LARP for a living!” Jude eyes a particularly animate pirate making grand gestures to a watching group of tourists, and cringes so hard he feels it in the marrow of his bones.

“Judge not, young stable master,” Matias replies in a deliberate accent, and Jude wants to smack the stupid grin off of his face.

“I hate you and everyone here,” Jude says, suppressing a laugh. “I gotta go. See you before the joust.”

At least the horses are straightforward. They don’t talk back, but the traitors seem to enjoy the festival. Several of the mares are getting over excited at the sound of the waiting crowd. He has to chide them into standing still while he checks their shoes and puts on their elaborate outfits. “You’re a geek for a good LARP, aren’t you Red?” he asks the ginger who he has a soft spot for. “Can’t wait to dress up for the crowd. Goddamn nerd.” The mare utters a low whiny that makes him laugh. It’s a lot easier to interact with the animals than any of those people outside, and he’s grateful that only the ‘knights’ tend to come back here.

Other than Matias, there are 5 other regular staff who ride the horses. This includes the other knights, a falconer, and two circus performers. They each have a horse they prefer and Jude finds it easy to stable-talk to them-- at least he’s confident about the subject matter. They don’t pay him much mind, sticking to the business of horses and avoiding small talk. Thank God.

The other staff at the faire are not as forgiving. There are a pile of them that range from the ages of 18 to 25, university students for the most part, spending their summer semester working. They are typical fun-loving young people and are social to a fault. Jude has actually physically hidden behind a stall door just to avoid having the make friends with them.

Sometimes, however, he is taken by surprise. Because fucking hell if it isn’t the ‘pirate’ he saw before, wearing a self-assured smirk to make up for his embarrassing lack of beard. He’s probably going for that young, suave, prince-of-thieves sort of stereotype, complete with a loose tunic and tight leather pants. He’s obviously one of the main cast members because his blue coat is about as high-quality as Matias’s tunic, with shiny gold buttons and complex rope embroidery.

Jude watches him approach the stable where he is almost literally tethered to a horse and realizes it is too late to pretend he didn’t see him coming. What the hell is a pirate doing near the stables, anyway? Why the hell was a pirate at a rennfaire in the middle of a prairie province, hundreds of kilometres from the ocean? How the hell did they manage to shove a pirate into a storyline involving a medieval princess?

“Hey kid,” the pirate says casually and Jude feels himself bristling with dislike instantly. He’s practically swaggering. “Do you know who Matias is? Tall, dark and handsome? Likes to sit astride horses and carries a big stick?”

Is this guy for real?

“Yeah,” Jude mutters and he isn’t reserved with the skeptical look he gives the pirate. He can’t be much older than Jude is, if at all. He’s taller, but only by a margin. Jude writes him off as a university student-- probably in a drama program, no less.

“Would you kindly assist me in finding him?”

“I’m good.” Jude turns back to the horse, the big black one who Matias usually rides, both here and back at Nesbitt’s. He is brushing out the sleek cloak, despite it already shining like silk. Anything to finishing conversing with an over enthusiastic D&D character.

The pirate makes an impatient noise. “Come on, dude,” he says, dropping character. “He said he’d meet here. Are you expecting him soon, or…?”

“No idea.” Jude is well aware of how unhelpful he is being, but he wasn’t hired to do customer service. Or to talk to anyone, really.

“Wow, I guess it’s true what they say about the janitorial staff.”

“Excuse me?” Jude can’t help it-- he’s always been one to rise to the bait. Even if this guy wasn’t trying to get him going, he unwittingly set a trap that Jude is going to fucking destroy. “This coming from a glorified cosplayer?”

“Cosplayer?” the pirate snaps back, because apparently his fuse isn’t much longer than Jude’s. “I’ll have you know I’m an actor!”

“Because that’s definitely different,” Jude says with a glare. “Sounds like a really hard job.”

“It takes training,” the pirate insists and Jude can see little pink patches forming on his tanned cheekbones. “It’s not a job any idiot could do.”

“No, just one idiot.”

The pirate’s mouth opens to respond but Jude is delighted when no words come out. It’s not often he manages to one-up someone in a verbal sparring match. He lets a smirk form over his face and it’s probably a good thing that Matias shows up at that moment because he is so tempted to tear this guy to shreds.

“Hey Marcos,” says Matias with a friendliness that meant he was not reading the tension in the air.

‘Marcos’ has to be the worst name Jude has ever heard.

“I see you’ve met Jude.”

The pirate narrows his eyes at Jude, a look of dislike clear on his face. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“Charmed, I’m sure,” Jude says with an exaggerated bow and the look the pirate gives him said ‘murder’.

It’s definitely worth the look of confusion on Matias’s face.

---------------

“And then,” Marcos continues, because he isn’t even close to being done. “He goes on to talk to Matias as if they are best friends or something. Matias’s just being nice because he’s got a soft spot for losers.”

“And he’s friends with us because…” John supplies, which isn’t helpful, and Marcos glares at him to make sure he knows it. He’s slowly rotating a leg of mutton over a small flame, basting it every so often with a thin brown sauce. He’s always been able to multitask while cooking, even delivering devastating one-liners that have Marcos foaming at the mouth.

“The difference is Matias actually likes us,” he reasons, gesturing for emphasis. He’s leaning on the food cart that John is manning, taking advantage of the shade from the awning. It’s the tail end of Spring and the afternoons are already getting too warm for full costume. What the hell is he going to do in July?

“And there’s no way he can like this horse guy-- what was his name?”

“Jude,” Marcos says, rolling the name on his tongue with distaste. “What the hell kind of name is that?”

“He sounds pretty normal to me,” John says with an irritating amount of calm and reason. Marcos loves the guy, he really does, but being as close as brothers means that they are also completely honest with each other. John isn’t going to agree with Marcos out of friendship. He’s going to disagree with him out of love.

“Well, wait until you meet him,” Marcos says while crossing arms stubbornly over his chest. “Better yet, just avoid the stables and save yourself the trouble. He called us cosplayers, John!”

John looks down at himself, at his finely embroidered yellow tunic under a thick leather kidney belt, his loose, burlap pants, and tall brown boots. “We’re sort of cosplaying, dude.”

“As what, though, John?” Marcos says triumphantly. “Made up characters don’t count. I am Captain Fitzwilliam Cobalt of the galleon León, trolling the open seas for American gold and I have way too much backstory written to be reduced to a cosplay, man.”

“Listen, Marcos,” John says, actually putting down his baster for a minute and paying full attention to his friend. “I’m super stoked that you have gotten into this character so much and honestly I love your enthusiasm, but you can’t let one guy throw you off. If you are proud of your job then this sort of thing should roll off your shoulder. Not everyone is going to think of this job as glamorous, but we love it, right?”

As if on cue, a small cluster of girls approach the cart-- ‘real customers’, as John likes to call them. Marcos eyeballs them as roughly his age or slightly younger and quickly falls into character.

“My apologies, ladies,” he says with not quite an accent, but definitely a lilt to his voice that suggests a historic nobility. He adds a little bow that sends one of the girls into fits of giggles. “I was conversing with master Palamo. My friend, do treat these charming ladies to the best you have to offer.” He pushes himself away from the cart.

“How can I help you?” John adds with a smile that is almost as charming as Marcos’s act. The first of the girls looks bashful as she fishes in her shoulder bag for a wallet.

“I, uh, I’m looking for some corn?” She gestures awkwardly to the line of barbequed corn propped up on wooden sticks.

“Might I suggest a dusting of the princesses favourite seasoning?” John says with considerably less flirting than Marcos, but somehow coming off as 500 times more charming. “Honestly, it’s actually my favourite. Best on popcorn, but someone decided that popcorn wasn’t renaissance enough, I guess. Fun fact: popcorn was probably eaten by Aztecs thousands of years before the Europeans, so there’s that.”

“The History of Food, with John Palamo,” Marcos provides, leaning on the posts supporting the awning.

“I’d buy popcorn,” one of the girls pipes up before looking a little abashed that she had the nerve. A little smile cracks on her dark face, revealing pearly teeth.

“For a smile like that, I would gladly sail the oceans to the new world in search of popcorn,” Marcos adds, leaning close as if speaking in confidence. The girl blinks and presses her lips together with a little embarrassed grin.

The girls settle on barbecued corn on the cob, exchanging money and smiles before falling into excited giggles as they wandered away from the cart.

“Admit it, dude,” John says, going back to basting his mutton. “You love this job.”

“Bitch, do I ever.”

TO BE CONTINUED

[bachelorbro-blog1]

Season 21 -- Week 1

So, I’m just going to dive right in and start on this journey. Strap in?

I know Nick is an incredibly controversial choice because he’s already been on the show 3 times before this and he hasn't found love, so why should we even give him a chance? Well, everyone deserves love, I guess...but beyond that, Nick is a genuinely interesting person. Even the Chad Bear thinks so! I’m glad that he didn't end up with anyone on Bachelor in Paradise because I think we all knew he wasn't going to be happy with anyone he found there.

So, we see Nick having a really scripted conversation with some of the past Bachelors and they give him advice about what the process is going to be like, which is kind of weird seeing as he’s been on the other side of it twice and has kind of been on their side of it already since everyone is in charge on Bachelor in Paradise (sort of?).

We see all of Nick’s past failed relationships and we learn more about him and his life. We’re reintroduced to his little sister Bella who gives him some really solid advice. Like, make eye contact and stop mumbling. You aren't a 14 year old boy on his first date, dude.

Anyway, onto the girls and my first impressions of them (because who cares what Nick thinks about them, right?)

The first girl out of the limo is Danielle L. She doesn't have a gimmick, which is interesting because I feel like it’s almost a requirement for people to have some sort of shtick now? Anyway, she’s cool. We’ll see what happens.

Next is Elizabeth. She sounds like a former cheerleader and basically says the exact same thing that Danielle L said to him so...whatever. Again, we’ll see.

Out comes Rachel. I immediately love her because she has a super bright smile and she walks really confidently. She makes a corny joke, but she doesn't make any mention of being nervous like the two girls before her did so at least we know that she's on her own team.

Next is Christen, who looks exactly like one of my friends from college (I had to rewind to make sure it wasn't her). She’s a wedding videographer and calls him a celebrity, so she’s got a lot going on already. I’m shadily hoping she has a meltdown somewhere in the middle of the show because I feel like if anyone’s going to smash a wine glass on a table and storm out of a room crying, it’s going to be her (and I really want to see that).

Taylor shows up next. She laughs the second she sees him and then tells him that all of her friends hate him! I’m obsessed with her. I hope she gets to the hometown visit stage at least because I want to see him get the cold shoulder from all of her friends at brunch.

Then we meet Kristina, a dental hygienist with an unplaceable accent from Kentucky. I have no strong opinions about her. I just want to know where the accent came from. Please.

Next is Angela, a model who tells him to “scoop” her up later and that’s all of the information we get about her. They keep cutting away to Danielle L. talking about Nick which makes me think that Angela is going home real fast. Sorry, girl!

Out comes Lauren, who immediately decides that their couple name is “Disgusting Slut.” I don't care about her, but I appreciate the joke.

Food truck owner Michelle (we don't get to find out what kind of food truck it is?) comes out of the limo next and says that she’s “heard” that his “past relationships have been lemons.” Girl, we all have. They were broadcast on national television. I would be more surprised if you knew nothing about him. Next!

Dominique, the trillionth girl to show up in a red dress, is upper case E X C I T E D to be there (and to be sent home early on in the competition because she doesn't even get to say her name).

Ida Marie, a girl with two first names, shows up in a dress that has two pieces because clearly she likes everything to be in pairs. I would send her home immediately just because I wouldn't want to have to call her by her full first name every time I was introducing her to someone. That's a mouthful. Plus she asked him to do a trust fall with her. Imagine if he had dropped her. IMAGINE. I do like her dress though. Props to Ida Marie.

Olivia, who wants an eskimo kiss, enters in a huge fur coat (I really hope it’s fake). Then she hands him the coat?

In runs Sarah (literally). She runs. Because he was a runner up. So she wanted to be a runner up too. Not a great start, my friend. She forgets to introduce herself. Things aren't looking good for Sarah.

Jasmine G. (meaning there’s going to be another Jasmine?) brings Nick a tray of rings. Jasmine is IN IT TO WIN IT. Damn. Tell him what you want, girl!

Hailey is wearing a red dress! Surprise! Everyone is wearing a red dress! Who would have thought? She mentions that she’s not wearing underwear. That’s a power move.

Next up is Astrid, who speaks German and likes to show off. Nick doesn't speak German so it’s fun to watch him smile uncomfortably at her while she tells him that her boobs are real. She isn't wearing a red dress, which is a relief.

Here comes Liz, who already had sex with Nick. Something tells me she’s going to tell everyone. Nick gives her a weird look when she leaves. Of course he remembers you, Liz. How could he not? It hasn't even been a year since you first met. Do you really think he's that dumb?

Corinne is next. I’m scared of Corinne. Really scared. She gives him a hug token, but I wouldn't be surprised if she takes a bite out of his cheek during that hug.

Vanessa speaks French. Astrid already spoke a different language so you’re going to have to find something else to do, Vanessa. I did love her back story though. Am I Team Vanessa already?

Wait no, I lied. Danielle M. shows up. I love Danielle M. She’s technically wearing a red dress, but it’s a different shade of red than everyone else which makes her special. Plus she gives him a homemade gift. I can already see them making breakfast together during the hometown visit. Team Danielle M.

Raven yells about pigs. Fine.

Next comes Jaimi. This is the first time I’ve ever seen that name spelled with an I at the end of it, so does that make her interesting? I don't know. She tells him that she has balls, which means she has a septum piercing and wants to make herself sound more interesting. Corinne isn't into it.

Briana asks Nick if she can listen to his heart because she's a nurse, but then she asks him to take his shirt off so we’ve gone from decently cute to decently steamy in the span of three seconds. Good work, Briana.

Susannah, whose name doesn't show up immediately, gives Nick a beard massage, which is something I didn't know could happen. Then she tells him to expect more. What a weird promise.

Josephine is kind of a whack job. I can tell right away. But she's a whack job in a good way. She makes him eat an uncooked hot dog, but because she’s a nurse she can save him if he chokes on it. Well played, Josephine.

The ladies finally realize that everyone is wearing red. Really? Just now?

Ok, onto Brittany, who gives Nick a prostate exam...? Bold move.

Here’s the other Jasmine we’ve all been waiting for: Jasmine B. She's wearing a red dress. Other Jasmine (Jasmine G.) wore green because clearly she's the alpha Jasmine.

Whitney literally doesn't get to say anything. This does not bode well for her.

So...a camel shows up. Lacey is riding the camel if that wasn't clear. The camel is not a contestant (even though I would watch the shit out of that show). She makes some joke about humping and the other women are flabbergasted that she could be so forward. Ok.

SHARK ATTACK! Alexis is my favorite. I cannot believe she showed up in a shark costume and I really can't believe that she thinks it’s a dolphin costume (except I can actually believe both of those things because this is reality television and those kinds of things happen all the time).

Ok, so now we’ve met all of the girls. I have my picks and we'll see if they match up with Nick’s.

All of the ladies are waiting for Nick to come in and talk to them. Some are talking about how cute Nick is, others are talking about how ready they are to get married. Most are talking about Alexis’ shark costume.

Nick talks to Rachel first. She's smart and interesting and practices law. I knew I loved her. Go Rachel, go!

Christen dances with Nick, Raven asks for personal information, and then Chris shows up with the first impression rose, which is the most important rose in the whole world. Girls will rip each other’s hair out to receive this rose. Corinne will literally eat Alexis to get this rose. Corinne would probably eat someone for looking at her funny. 

Corinne straight up gives Nick a bag full of tokens. One of those tokens probably says, “Choose me or I’ll snap your neck.” 

Vanessa was submitted by a friend. So was Nick. She wants Nick to kiss her, but we all know Corinne would rather rip his lips right off of his face than see anyone else kiss him. Surprise, Corinne is back! She’s going to kiss him! Are we surprised? We have our female Chad, ladies and gentlemen.

Jasmine G. does not like Corinne. No one likes Corinne. 

Kristina shows up again for some reason, but we still don't get any information on her accent. What’s up with that? We just want to know what’s happening.

Jasmine G. is the first girl to cry. I didn't expect that at all. 

We’re still on the subject of Alexis’ costume. Is she a shark or a dolphin? Doesn't matter. She’s amazing. Some drunk girl calls her her “spirit animal.” Ok. Corinne tries to say Alexis is probably wearing it to hide her bad body. Nice try, girl. We all know she'd win in a fight against you. 

Nick finally talks to Alexis. He is not convinced that she’s a dolphin. Either way, I love her. She went in the pool in a shark costume. He tells her that if she takes the costume off she's going home, which means that she’s staying. That’s good news.

Liz talks about Jade and Tanner’s wedding again. She thinks she’s a woman of mystery. He straight up calls her on her bullshit and she gets really uncomfortable and it’s my favorite thing that’s happened all night. The only thing that could top this moment would be the Jasmines battling to see who would reign supreme and who would be going home without a rose. 

Corinne is convinced she’s going to get the first impression rose. It’s going to Danielle M. or Rachel because they actually had good conversations with him and they didn't shove their tongues down his throat. Nice try, Corinne. Maybe eat a raw sweet potato with your bare hands or something next time. 

Rachel gets the rose. No one is surprised. Good for her. Three cheers for Rachel!

It’s finally time for Nick to send some of these red dresses packing. I’m fairly sure I know who’s going home, but I’ll give them all the benefit of the doubt because maybe they had really good conversations off camera or something.

Kristina is crying (with an accent). Everyone is talking about making decisions in such a short time. It’s all about first impressions, ladies. This show has been on for 21 seasons now. How are you not aware of that?

Time for roses!

The first rose goes to Vanessa. No surprise there. She’s going to make it to the end.

Danielle L. gets the next rose. I still have no strong opinions about her. 

Christen gets the next rose, which is surprising. I knew she’d get one, but not this early on.

The fourth rose goes to Astrid, while Corinne freaks out.

Then Corinne gets a rose because this season needs a villain.

Kristina continues to cry while Elizabeth W., Jasmine G., and Raven get roses.

Then Kristina gets a rose and she stops crying.

Danielle M. finally gets a rose (even though she should have been the first person to get a rose).

Sarah gets a rose. I don't remember who Sarah is.

Josephine gets a rose because we need a fun gal this season, too.

Lacey the camel girl gets a rose while Hailey bad mouths Alexis. 

Taylor gets a rose because we need someone to counsel Corinne when she goes off the deep end and starts throwing furniture at the other contestants. 

Alexis gets a rose! Alexis gets a rose! She is still sure that she’s a dolphin.

Hailey, who isn't wearing panties, gets a rose. She’s relieved that she doesn't have to put her panties back on and hug the shark goodbye.

Whitney gets a rose. We still know nothing about Whitney. 

Dominique gets a rose while Liz worries that sex at Jade and Tanner’s wedding won't be enough to save her.

Jaimi gets a rose. Nick wants to see more of her balls.

Brittany gets a rose. Was she the one who gave him a prostate exam?

The final rose goes to Liz because this is reality television.

This means that the girls who didn't get roses are Briana, Susannah, Olivia, Jasmine B., Ida Marie, Angela, Michelle, and Lauren. They all put on brave faces as they leave the mansion, but some cry once they get outside. Part of me wants to hug them and tell them it’s all going to be ok, while another part of me wants to remind them that they signed up to be on a reality television show and knew that this was a very real possibility.

Liz reminds the audience that she’s already had sex with Nick. Where? At Jade and Tanner’s wedding! If I had a dollar for every time she mentioned that I would be able to buy the mansion and make Luke the Bachelor (because he's the Bachelor we deserved, people.)

That’s it for this week.

My top 5:

1. Danielle M.

2. Vanessa

3. Rachel

4. Taylor

5. Alexis

[tysonrunningfox]

Odd One Out

Writing the first scene of this made me cry, by the way, this is one of the chapters where I cried on my keyboard like a baby.  Because ungh.  Hiccup actually really fucking gets me here, I was crying over Hiccup.  

Tumblr | AO3

The second time I go to Rolf’s, we don’t talk as much.  His baby, my half nephew, is there, asleep in the other room and he twitches every time the baby makes a sound.  I get through three pages and overwrite about half the Monstrous Nightmare master sheet that I can’t tell whether I suspect Snotlout or Smitelout more for the less than factual edits.  I leave when my half nephew starts snoring and I start to truly feel out of place.  

It’s still better than the chief’s house though, and it’s even worse that no one here would understand the significance of that, of the fact that this place is literally less homey than Rolf’s.  When I get back, Stoick greets me, launching into some long-winded story about an adventure that he and Bang had, talking faster than even I can really keep up with. But that could be because I’m tired and my hand is cramping and my whole head starts throbbing when I look around and see a family I’m somehow buried at the center of even though I don’t really have a place in it.  

Mom is sharpening her hatchet with a file fancier than anything we ever used to own and the chief keeps glancing over at her like it’s just as miraculous to him, except in a positive way that doesn’t make him want to wipe his eyes out with saddle polish. She looks gives the edge a few more rasps of the file before looking up and I get the impression that she’s waiting for me to get mad at her.  

I’m not mad.  Not really.  Not at her at least.  

I’m just tired.  

“Hey.”  

“Hey Eret,” the chief smiles in greeting, that stupid smile he can’t seem to keep off of his face lately. “You’re back late, doing anything fun?”

“If helping Rolf update the book of dragons counts as fun, then yeah, my eyes aren’t in pain from deciphering tiny runes at all or anything.”  

“You’ve been talking to Rolf?”  Mom sounds subdued like she hasn’t since Snoggletog and I want to yell at her that yes, Rolf is still alive.  Arvid is probably around too and did she forget about Ingrid entirely?  

I sigh, “yeah, I’ve been helping him update the book of dragons, like I just said.  It involves some talking but mostly him lecturing me about being too rough on old parchment.”  

“How is he?”  She swallows and the chief looks worried for a second and I know she’s asking about my half nephew who I haven’t asked to hold because I have no idea how to do that.  

That’s her grandchild and I don’t know when everyone got so old.  

“He’s fine.  Spirited as ever.”  

“Spirited,” the chief scoffs, “that’s one way to put it.”  It’s not as defensive as I want him to be, because if he were defensive that would mean he was threatened by the casual mention of Mom’s other kids, but it’s irritating all the same.  

“Found it!”  Aurelia comes bounding down the stairs, three or four scrolls under her arm and one half open in her hands.  “It was hiding under the second bed in Stoick’s room.” The chief’s bed.  It’s the chief’s bed but she doesn’t call it that because it isn’t anymore and her head doesn’t spin when she remembers that.  “Oh, hey.”  She sets what she’s holding down on the table, “you’re home late.”  

“Everyone keeps saying that. I was just at Rolf’s.”  

“Oh,” she looks between me and the chief and Mom goes back to filing the edge of her hatchet, almost pointedly.  “I bet there’s still dinner at the mead hall.”  

“Why are you trying to get rid of me?”  I laugh and she doesn’t and that means it’s not really a joke.  “What’s so secret?”  

“Nothing’s secret,” the chief shakes his head, picking up the scroll that Aurelia just set down. “Sit, I’d take your opinion too, we’re talking about fixing that bridge over by the third watering station.”  

“I think we’ve about got it figured out, Dad.”  Aurelia sits down across from the chief and gives me an almost pleading look and I remember her not managing to reject his stupid, unrequested relationship advice.

“Assuming I never have to deal with a bridge myself, yeah, that sounds legitimate,” I roll my eyes and sit down at the table, chair squeaking across the floor as I scoot up to read the scrolls.  

Mom leans away slightly to make room, her elbow brushing casually over the chief’s arm.  He kisses the top of her head like it’s a habit and like it’s normal and like it doesn’t make me feel odd and tired and uncomfortable.

“You know, I’m understanding this,” Aurelia doesn’t exactly sound understanding, it’s more of a partial challenge and the usual reminder that she’s not used to dealing with older siblings doesn’t quite cover it this time.  “If you need help with a bridge in the future, I’m sure I’ll be around.”  

“Yeah, but that’s not really the point of the chief asking me to help him out—”

“I’m not talking about the point, I’m saying that maybe you could share an individual component of the point as a whole.”  She sets her jaw and smiles and it’s that pushy princess look that never quite fooled me into thinking she was tough.  

“You both want to help?” The chief is as excited as Mom is doubtful and when she sets her hand on his arm, my stomach seizes like I just chugged a mug of icy seawater.  

“I don’t think this is so much about helping, Hiccup.”  Mom looks at me, “you had something else to do today, Aurelia can help your f—”

“Can you not?”  I cut her off before she puts that on me and she sighs.  

“The chief.  Aurelia can help the chief sometimes.”  

“That’s not what you were going to say.”  

“Does that really matter?” She looks tired and almost sad as she reaches for my hand and I move it just enough to let her know that I’m not really wanting her to touch me with her chief loving hands right at this exact minute.  

I’m glad she’s happy. I am.  Or more I’m just glad that she’s not so sad anymore, but I kind of miss being at Rolf’s where I don’t have to pretend I’m happy quite so loud.  

“I don’t need you to argue for me, Mom,” Aurelia seems happy too.  Comfortable.  Confident enough to push me when I’m sure she can tell I really don’t need to be pushed.

“Mom, right, it’s so easy for you.  This is all so easy for you.” I want to stand up but I feel stuck, wedged into this house and family and life, and I think if the chief actually asked me right now if Aurelia could just have it all, I’d say yes.  

I could go be mini-Rolf for a change and grouse about anything and everything while ignoring the problem.  

I’d last about a day but it still sounds like the day I need right now.  

“It was easier before you brought your attitude home—”

“My attitude,” I roll my eyes, “mine—”

“Both of you—” The chief tries but he has that delighted look in his eye, like the bickering family fantasy he always had is coming true when I don’t even remember how to argue with my sister without feeling like I’m losing at maces and talons.  

“I’m not doing anything!” I stand up too fast and the chair tips over, clattering on the floor.  Mom stands up too, dropping her hatchet on the table and crossing her arms. “I didn’t do anything but help my brother and come home to find her trying to—”

“Don’t take it out on your sister because—”

“Because what?”  I bend down and pick up the chair, setting it back upright louder than I probably need to.  “Because I can’t take it out on you?  Or him?”  I feel like I’m going to cry when the chief puts his hand on Mom’s arm and she relaxes, like he’s taking the fight right out of her and they both think it’s a good thing.  

It makes me feel crazy, standing here surrounded by people who never want to fight, my mom’s hatchet on the table like she had to disarm before talking to me.  I don’t know where to put all of my own fight, all this anger.

“Astrid, let me talk to him.”  

“I don’t want to talk to anyone.”  I click my tongue and Bang turns from where he was watching the stairs and hoping that Stoick would come back down.  “About anything.”  

I grab my axe from the rack on the way out the door, swinging it over my shoulder and heading around the side of the house, towards the denser forest out back.  

When I find a clearing, I’m not quiet.  It’s not about stealth or training, it’s satisfying to send the blade of my axe into tree trunks fast enough that Bang starts to howl along with it, pacing antsy around behind me like he’s not sure what’s attacking.  

We’re Vikings.  I’m a Viking.  It’s something I used to understand.  Even if I was a Hofferson and that made me only part Berkian, I was a Viking and Vikings fight.  Vikings get mad, Vikings push things, Vikings win even if that means someone else losing.

I’ve never been like Rolf, with his wind up temper that stays sullen and quiet until it’s not, until his voice ramped from irritated muttering to a bellow in a blink.  I imagine this is kind of like that snap though, even though it starts to wind down after three or four trees are laying in firewood sized chunks at my feet.  

My hair is out of its tail, sweaty and stuck to the back of my neck and I drop my axe, not caring about further dulling the already dull edge as I sit hard on one of the logs I just cut, hanging my head between my knees.  My pulse slows after a minute, arms still sore and stinging and I know it’s the chief approaching me before I look up.  

His steps are heavy and loud and uneven and I get the feeling he’s avoiding sneaking up on me on purpose, because even Toothless is stomping instead of snaking his way silently through the trees.  

“I see the trees got what they deserved,” he opens like I’ll laugh and this will all be over.  “I think we need to talk.”  

“About what?”  I look up, pushing sweaty hair off of my face and picking up my axe.  The edge isn’t that bad.  It hasn’t gotten much use lately.  

“About what just happened.”

“What do you think just happened?”  I want him to say that Mom almost called him my father and I freaked out.  I want to see if it even still hurts or if he’s so deep into this family lie that I seem like a teenager throwing a tantrum for no reason.  

“I don’t understand it.” He sighs and leans back against a tree and I hate him for saying something other than what I predicted. For saying something that makes me want to say something mean, to lean into a conversation that I don’t want to have. “What you’re feeling right now. I—I didn’t grow up seeing my parents together either—”

“No, I did grow up seeing my parents together.”  I scratch the side of my head, fingers getting tangled in hair I’m still not used to, “my parents who raised me.  The ones who I always thought were happy and now…now I see the right faces directed at the wrong people and it’s like…I don’t know.  It’s like no one remembers how things used to be.”  

“Maybe I’m choosing not to.” He wipes his hand over his face, “I’m definitely choosing not to.”  

“And you can’t see why it’s hard for me to do that?  It’s bad enough that Ingrid isn’t here and Arvid…is more my sister’s boyfriend than he is my brother. I…I don’t know why I’m telling you this—”

“Because as much as you need to kill trees, you probably need to talk too.”  

“You don’t know me.”  

“Eh, we’ve been living together a few months now.  You’d be surprised how much that teaches you about a person.  Hel, you learn a lot about neighbors just watching them come and go.”  

“So you’ve been watching me, like a creep.”  

“Can I tell you a story?” He laughs like it’d be easy to get drawn into whatever circle I’m spinning in and I raise my eyebrows.  

“Like I get a choice?”

“You’re right, I’m going to tell you no matter what.”  He rubs his chin like I’ll be more immersed in whatever this is if he projects an image of thinking really hard first.  It might work, until he starts by repeating himself.  “I didn’t grow up seeing my parents together—”

“So you literally came up here with some canned story to tell me, not to actually talk?”  

“I didn’t dream of you coming up empty handed on responses.”  He looks at me indulgently, like he’s willing to go around in this little dance that’s feeling dumber and dumber by the second.  Just how the fallen trees are starting to feel cold and just generally sticky as they ooze sap onto the back of my pants.  

I kind of hate it, how quickly I’m starting to adapt to the ever changing yakshit heap that is my life. Something like realizing that whatever feelings between my Mom and the chief weren’t as long dead as we’d all thought used to send me reeling for months.  But I’m finding myself struggling to hold onto the anger after just a few weeks.  I want to be furious, it feels like the only way to keep the old natural order of things alive.  Maybe I’m petering out faster because there’s nothing I really liked about the most natural order of things, there’s nothing to hold onto there.  Aureila was already challenging me, Arvid was already furious. Rolf wasn’t quite as…eh, pleasant isn’t the right word.  I hate that the right word is somewhere close to brotherly, after all this time.  

“Go ahead.  Tell your story.”  I don’t add on the usual reminder that it won’t change anything. It seems like everything changes everything these days.  

“When I was a couple of years older than you, I was about in the same position—”

“Don’t tell me, you were so shocked to learn Gobber hadn’t given birth to you.”  

“Not as shocked as Gobber was, believe me.”  He almost looks stern and I get the feeling that this is hard for him.  “I mean my dad was finally talking about chief.  He was expecting me to do things I felt I wasn’t ready for and—and yeah, I was ahead of you in some ways, I’d had some leadership experience but all of that was different because—because it wasn’t Berk. I guess.  He thought it prepared me more than it really did, I think, not that I ever really got the chance to ask him but—it’s different when it’s Berk and it’s where you grew up and—”

“What does this have to do with you and my mom?”  

“Nothing.”  He laughs and points at the chunk of log next to me. “I’m messing this up, do you mind if I sit?”  

“Do I really have a choice?”

“I hate that you feel like you don’t.  That’s the last thing I wanted.”  He shrugs and I get the feeling that Mom won’t be mad at me when I get back and I should probably thank him for that.  I doubt he has any control over Aurelia but…still.  “I guess I came into this whole thing hoping to be a choice. Or at least…to give you some answers over things you might have wondered about, things like…why you are the way you are and the rest of your family or Hel, most of the island aren’t that way.”

“Sit.”  I scoot over slightly and try to ignore the way that his knees bend like mine when he sits down.  

“When I was just a little older than you and my dad was prepping me to be chief, or well, the Stoick the Vast version of preparation where he’d just…drop eventualities on me like I’d be forced to figure it out by the deadline,” he smiles at that and I hate how it makes me curious.  I hate how I feel that statue more and more every day.  

“You miss him.”  

“So much.”  He idly gestures at me, “he’d know just what to do with you, I’d bet every dragon egg on dragon island.”  Then he looks at me and I’m not quite sure what he’s seeing, “not that there’s evidence of that being quite as many as it used to be.”  

“You were telling me about Stoick the Vast, we can circle back to me being right about the dragons later.”  

“I don’t think I’d go that far but…yes, my dad was prepping me to be chief and it never felt like enough. It…I felt like I had to be him and I knew I couldn’t do that so I started searching for all the reasons why, all the things that felt like…insufficiencies back then.  And aside from about twice my size…there were other things.  There was the fact I didn’t feel so good about popping a warlord’s head off of his shoulders, the fact I’d rather talk, the whole…dragon thing and the fact I’d thought of it in the first place.  And I thought about it so much I started dwelling on it and it took on kind of a life of its own.  It started to feel like I was physically missing a mother I’d never known, some…impossible person who was neatly made up of everything I had that my dad didn’t.” He pauses long enough for that to resonate, long enough for it to echo back through a few stubborn months of hurt and distance and I shrug.  

“I used to miss Berk. Not as an island but—I used to do whatever I could to make myself closer to it even though I knew I wasn’t supposed to.” It sounds stupid in the face of what he’s telling me and I feel stupid for caring.  “Maybe that’s…I don’t know.  Similar.”  

“As I’m sure you know, I found my mom, and she was all that—and more!  More, of course, I’m not saying she was just…exactly what I was looking for and nothing else, but more than that, I saw them together.  It was just once, and it didn’t end well—”

“They fought?”  

“No, I wish.”  He drags his metal foot through the dirt I churned up in my near frantic chopping and it’s starting to frost over, reminding me how cold it is outside.  I recognize the chill of my half damp hair against my neck and scoot away from him slightly, trying to pretend I’m not so interested in the conversation that I forgot to feel the cold.  “Or maybe I don’t.  I definitely don’t because my dad died.  In the battle that happened right there.”  He sighs, “we don’t really keep the timeline as part of the heroic narrative.”

“I—I’m sorry.”  

“Yeah, me too.”  He looks back down the hill at the house through the trees, the fire inside making windows glow orange even through the shutters. “About a lot of things.  But not seeing them together, even just that one time. Because I—I can’t say how much more real it made me feel to see that even though their life wasn’t perfect, not by a long shot given the two decades of separation and…” He looks at me again and I actively try not to put this together, to not be led where he’s leading me. To not feel guilty about how I feel about it all.  “But I saw them together and there was love there and that, more than anything, made me feel like even if I couldn’t be my dad, maybe I could be enough of myself to fill at least most of his truly gigantic shoes.”  

It’s silent.  There are no wild dragons chirping in the forest and Toothless is crouched low, listening to the story like a giant cat, eyes glowing like Stoick’s do when Mom teaches him something in front of the fire.

“Do you get what I’m trying to say?”  He looks at me and I remember him commenting how my profile looks like my mom even if my face doesn’t seem to.  

“Yeah.”  

“And?”  

“I get that when I see you and my mom…happy,” I let him have that, I don’t know why, but I do.  Happy. It feels like I have to dig it out of somewhere deep and dark to even say it and the cold starts to sink into my chest as I do.  “Yeah, I’ve got a sense of myself, I guess, but I hardly ever think that far because more—because mostly it makes it feel like the first sixteen years of my life were a lie.  And I didn’t spend years cataloging what made me different, I spent them working to be…a part of it.”  

“I thought you said you missed Berk.”  

“No, not—A part of the family that doesn’t exist now.  The one that’s getting forgotten every day.”  

It’s his turn to be silent. I don’t like it.  I don’t want time to think about what I’ve told him.  

“I don’t think any of us are going to forget what happened, Eret, I…” When he says my name it sounds more like my dad’s then it does the rest of the time and I stand up, log chunk creaking and sap sticking to my pants.  

“Right, because I’m here. I—what you talked about, the person made of all the traits that didn’t fit.”  I pick up my axe, the axe that used to be Mom’s, that I’ve rebuilt twice. The one I always wanted to put a Thunderdrum weight on, before I knew what that might mean.  “That’s me.  Except no one is dwelling on putting it back together.”  

00000

Unless I’m crazy, the chief tones it down with my mom in front of me, at least for a few days. It’s not everything, of course, it doesn’t fix anything, but I kind of appreciate it.  Between that and some off island scouting for a new granite source, the next week is an improvement, full of more flying and adventure than I’ve had in a while. Well, if almost getting eaten by a flock of Night Terrors counts as adventure.  Bang and I don’t agree on that particular point, given that my eardrums took about three hours to finish whining at me after he decided he needed to blast the bulk of them out of the sky instead of hiding in a perfectly serviceable cave, but well, it’s a nice break either way.  

Aurelia even seems to find it in herself to get over the other night, and she stays up late with me after I get back, going over the bridge stuff that the chief showed her with me. It’s more complicated than I thought it would be, with each bridge installed changing the weight requirements of the other ones and weakening the rock beneath it.  I suggest asking Fuse about how to anchor the supports deeper into the mountain and Aurelia rolls her eyes so hard that it apparently exhausts her and she has to go to bed.  

The next morning, Mom is making tea when I wake up and I almost fake continue sleeping before I remember that it’s Mom and she’ll see right through me and I hate the fact that I think she’d let me get away with it.  

I sit up with a big stretch, scratching behind Bang’s jaw and glancing over my shoulder at her.  

“Good morning,” her tone is clipped as she sits down on the hearth, stirring tea that smells stronger than normal and vaguely minty, which draws my attention to the chill in the room. I let the fire die down the night before and it looks like she just built it up, the wood just charring around the edges.  

“Should I have fake slept?” It falls out of my mouth almost accidentally and my face heats up, “I debated it, honestly, since we haven’t really talked since—”

“Of course you shouldn’t fake sleep,” she looks levelly at me, “and Hiccup talked to me about what you said.  Not all of it, I don’t think, but he said I should go easy on you and…well, I listened to him about a lot of other stuff that got us all here so…”  

“Does go easy on me mean that I’m not in trouble for yelling at you or that you’re going to forget it happened?  Or…”  

“No trouble,” she smiles slightly over her cup, “you’re getting a little too old for trouble, anyway. It’s not a good look for a grown man with a beard to be grounded.”  

“I know, I know, I’m going to shave today.”  I scratch my chin, “it gets itchy.”  

“That’s because it’s not patchy anymore.”  

“It was scruffy.  Not patchy.” I feel like I’ve missed her even though she’s been here this whole time.  It hasn’t felt like it though, it’s felt like her and the chief have been here and I’m not sure where I’m supposed to fit around them, because between them is pretty untouchable.  “What exactly did the chief tell you?”  

“He said you were pretty upset.”  She takes a sip of her tea and winces slightly like it’s too hot.  “And I guess…I didn’t think about this being hard for you.  And it kind of makes sense, I guess.  To you this all must seem pretty sudden.”  

“For you it’s…”  The culmination of decades of flipping and flopping and spinning and falling.  “Not.”

“No, it’s not.”  

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”  I swallow, “but if you could lay off on the rubbing it in my face, I can work on not freaking out about it.  Eventually. Maybe.  If my nebulous acceptance of the whole Arvid and Aurelia thing is any indicator of my capacity for…weirdness.”  

“Sounds about right.” She’s pale and more tired looking than she has been lately and I fidget with the edge of my blanket.  

“Don’t like…lose any sleep about it though.  I’ll be ok.”

“Is that your way of telling me I look tired?”  There are the deadly accurate Mom eyes I remember, the ones that I’m pretty sure Loki himself couldn’t fool for more than a couple of seconds.  

“Inferring.”  I shrug, “making sure I’m not the reason.”  

“Hopeful on your part,” she smiles, “but things have just been busy.  Plus, I think Ruffnut gave me whatever she was complaining about last week. I’ve been a little off.”  

“Is there anything you need? I can run out real quick before everyone wakes up and it becomes an endless slog of people needing things from me.”

“I hear you’re doing a good job as sometimes, partial chief.”  She stands up and pats my head when I duck enough that she can’t quite get her fingers in it.  It keeps tangling whenever people or the wind mess with it, but somehow the length is still better than someone confusing me for the chief every few minutes.  “I heard you even got Gustav to do something you said. That’s impressive, I think I was probably the last person to do that without resorting to drinking.”  

“I tried that,” I stand up slowly, stretching my arms over my head and shivering when my shirt lifts enough for a draft to get at my stomach.  I tug it down and stretch my shoulders, because those seams feel weird and stiff too.  I’m never going to stop hating new clothes, but not so much that I’d keep any of Arvid’s shirts that keep showing up in Aurelia’s room.  “Rolf wouldn’t share.”  

“Maybe he’s finally remembering he should look out for you.”  There’s guilt there, guilt that feels validating and makes me wonder what all the chief told her.  

Probably too much. But it’s not like they haven’t kept secrets before.  

“I think it’s just that he’s Rolf and he doesn’t want me coming around too often.”  

“How is he?”  

“Like I said, he’s the same as always.”  I start getting myself a cup of tea, “if you’re asking about…I mean, the baby’s cute. He snores a lot.  Rolf didn’t hand him to me but I also didn’t ask.  Maybe you should go see them, or something.”  

She looks a little green and I backtrack.  

“I mean, I thought it went well.  Or not well, but—whoa!”  

She lurches to her feet and runs past me to the door, shoving it open and hurling on the ground outside.  

“Mom!”  I reach out to help her stand up but she holds a hand in my direction, shooing me and wiping her mouth on her sleeve.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen her sick.  Hurt, a couple of times, but never anything bad.  She nursed all of us through every fever or runny nose or cough that ever came through the house but I don’t remember her ever getting one herself.  

“I’m fine,” she stands up, looking at the mess on the ground and gagging again but managing to swallow it aback.  “I’m good.”

“You just threw up,” I shut the door behind her when she steps back inside, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you throw up.”  

“I’m fine, sweetie,” she uses the pet name she hasn’t used since I was seven or eight and it hits me more than anything else.  

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” she walks back to the table and takes a gulp of her tea to wash away the taste, “really, it’s just Ruffnut’s stomach thing.  You don’t need to worry about it.”  

“I’m me, I worry about everything.”  

She laughs and it makes her gag again and she burps into the back of her hand like she would have gotten on any of us for.  

“I’m fine.”  She doesn’t look fine.  She looks kind of gray and pale and her hand is shaking as she drains her tea.  

“Who’s slamming doors this early?”  The chief steps out of the bedroom, tugging his shirt the rest of the way on and looking at Mom with a concern that can only mean secrets.  

“It was Eret, he doesn’t know his own strength.”  Mom waves it off, “it’s fine.  Can you get me another cup of tea?”  

“Of course,” the chief takes her mug and stumbles over to the kettle, too close to asleep to be doting on her this much.  “Why’s it urgent?”  

“I’m just lazy,” she lies and the chief looks at me like he also knows better.  “Eret, don’t, really—”

“She threw up.”  It feels like a betrayal and she looks at me like she’s too exhausted to accuse.  The chief nods.  

“That’s three days in a row, you promised you’d go to a healer at three days.”  He crosses his arms and looks so much like her for a second that I almost get what he meant the other night about seeing his parents with each other.  He didn’t used to know how to make that face, I still don’t.  That’s a face that takes more than seventeen years to learn.  

“I’m fine, Hiccup, honestly. It’s just—Ruffnut was complaining about it, I’m sure she just sneezed in my food—”

“Like that matters, you promised me three days.”  

“What’s going on?”  I ask the chief and he doesn’t look as convinced as Mom that it’s nothing.  

“New house rule, someone throws up three days in a row and they have to see someone about it.”  

“It’s completely unnecessary,” Mom tries to shrug it off and I feel compelled to replicate the chief’s expression.  

“I’ll respect if it you will,” I offer and she looks even paler than she did first thing this morning.  

“I don’t need—”

“Can you handle the conference with the builders up by Raven’s point?”  He asks and I shrug.  

“Yeah, I don’t see why not.”

“Cool.  Today’s list is on the table, I’ll catch up to you when I’m done taking your lovely, stubborn mother to the healer.”  

The lovely comment doesn’t feel as directly against me as it would usually and I nod.  

“Sure, I got it.”  

[tysonrunningfox]

Lost Chances

This is a super mean chapter.  I just almost cried editing it.  I’m so...invested.  

And I just couldn’t do this close to Christmas.  Don’t expect another update until after, probably, because I do want people to catch up and also, feel free to pillage my inbox with pitchforks because I half feel I deserve it.  But here.  

Tumblr | AO3

It’s quiet for a few days. Calm almost, except for Bang following Mom around like something bad will happen if he lets her out of his sight. He doesn’t even want to go flying, so I end up walking to cover about ten things for the chief when he opts to stay home to keep an eye on Mom.  I kind of get what she’s saying about not being able to live like that for almost a year, but I know better than to say anything about it.  It might finally be getting through my thick skull that having the same fight multiple times just for the sake of it never actually changes anything.  

Aurelia’s still being frosty and sticking closer to the chief than usual and I’m trying not to let it bug me even though it feels like I’m kicked out of some club.  A club I never accepted the invite to, because I was never one to hang out with the chief on purpose.  Maybe that’s what changed his mind, if I’d kissed up more he wouldn’t keep waving me to the door to take care of his stuff with that disinterested little head bob.  

I end up spending a lot of time with Stoick, which isn’t as awkward as I would have thought because he mostly just likes dragons and getting as covered in mud as is humanly possible.  That and we’re both banned from the house for being deemed too loud, except the number of times Mom checks on us makes me sure that it’s more the chief’s idea than hers.

It reminds me of the last time we were all living under the law of the chief’s idea, his whole brilliant marriage plan that didn’t quite backfire.  Except this time, Aurelia is inside and I’m not.  And everyone’s ok with it to the point where I can’t even try to shut up that little voice in my head that’s constantly reminding me that they’re all hoping for a second chance at a better version.  

And then, one morning, I wake up coughing, sitting bolt upright and wheezing against the incredibly pointy elbow jabbing into my chest.  It takes me a groggy moment to recognize the brick red of Aurelia’s hair tangled in my blankets and another second to realize she’s sobbing, her face wet against the side of my neck, back heaving. 

“Hey, it’s ok,” I mutter, clearing my throat and ignoring the fact that she’s practically choking me as I rub her back.  She’s fully dressed and smells like the woods, like she just snuck in.  For a moment I’m sure it’s Arvid, that he’s done something, and he may be my half-brother but he’s dead. 

Her fingernails dig into the nape of my neck, “it’s Mom.”  She barely gets it out between sobs and I sit up more fully, looking around at the quiet room.  The fire has died down to coals, and it’s not strange because I’m used to waking up next to a cold hearth, but in the moment I’m sure it’s gone because Mom couldn’t restart it for some reason. 

“Is she ok?  What happened?”  I try to pry my sister’s face away from my shoulder but she refuses, rubbing her snot on my shirt. 

“It’s…it’s the baby,” she whispers, shoulders tensing as she pulls away ever so slightly.  Right, I made an ass of myself, as always, and now she doesn’t think she can talk to me about it. 

Eret not-son of Eret, ruining sibling relationships for sixteen years and counting. 

“What happened with the baby?” 

She sniffs and presses her face back into my shoulder.  It’s not an answer but it’s everything I needed to hear. 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Shit.” 

That earns a snort, for some reason, and she pushes soggy hair out of her face and hugs me like she’s not trying to choke me, “you do care.  Did care, I mean.  You’re right, shit.” 

“Of course I care,” I’m suddenly aware of the house around me, the three people breathing in the other rooms, the weight of this all pressing down.  “Just because I’m an asshole doesn’t mean I don’t care.” 

“Could have fooled Mom,” her tone isn’t accusatory, not really, just matter of fact in a way that pierces my chest like a well-aimed Nadder barb.  “Sorry, that was too far,” she sniffs, “I’m just…I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel.”  

I don’t have time to answer, which is probably a good thing because I have no idea what to say, because the bedroom door opens behind us and the chief appears in the doorway, looking gaunt and gray in a way I’ve never seen.  He stares at us for a moment before recognition flickers behind glassy eyes and one corner of his mouth quirks up.  

Aurelia pulls slowly out of our hug and stands, brushing her skirt off and crossing the room with an even, defiant gait, like it hurts her to do it.  She wraps her arms gingerly around his waist and squeezes.  I barely hear the murmured, “love you, Dad,” and it doesn’t sound like her when she says it.  It occurs to me that she’s saying it for him, not because she wants to or because it’s true, and I feel so impossibly helpless.  

What am I supposed to say? ‘Hey, chief, I don’t hate you sometimes’?  Is lying cool?  Is this one of those situations where I can fill the gaps in the conversation with fluffy, sweet lies and no one will call me out on it?  

“Love you too,” the chief kisses the top of her head and something stirs in my stomach, remembering Dad carrying me to bed and whispering goodnight in my ear because he didn’t know I could hear him.  I feel like an intruder.  

I don’t belong anywhere else.

Aurelia turns and walks into the bedroom with an admirable caution, her footfalls even and close together, and the chief looks at me, staring like he’s not sure what he sees.

“Uh…Aurelia told me,” I stand, wishing I’d slept in my shoes so I could bolt out the door.  The twin instincts to run and to face him, head held high, wage war in my head and I grind my teeth.  

“Yeah, she…Astrid told her first.”  He seems to shrink, lips pressed into a thin, pale line.  

“Oh.”  

“I don’t know what I was expecting,” he says it so quietly that at first I think I’m imagining it.  I don’t think I’ve ever sounded that quiet, that gentle, and for the first time I really see the ghost of a boy who trained a night fury inside of him.  “It was too literal.  Trying again like that.”  

I open my mouth to excuse myself but nothing comes out, and I don’t remember the last time I felt so silent.

“I guess there are just some things you can’t get back.  Some things don’t get second chances.”  

I know what to say then, I know the lie to tell, the one that fixes something, that bridges the gap between me and the sadness I’m so compelled to brush away.  You don’t need a second chance, you have me.  

But then it strikes me how true that is, that he has me, like a possession.  He saw me and wanted me and took me, married my mom, split apart what I used to call my family.  I want to be furious but I’m too tired, too overwhelmed, too weighed down by the unfairness and stupidity in the world to get myself riled up.  I wonder if this is what it feels like to grow up, if being an adult is nothing more than a million little decisions to be quiet when you want to be upset.  

“I—” I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to think.  “I’m…sorry.”

I wonder if he looked this devastated about me once upon a time.

“Me too.”  

I think of him reading to Stoick, of him staring after Aurelia with what I always took to be stern negligence but was probably always more misunderstanding than malice.  I think of him hugging me by a forest fire, with my burned feet and singed hair.  I think of him thwarting my plans at every turn, always talking about how dangerous they are, how I don’t know what I’m doing.  

Maybe…maybe all this Hel has been nothing more than a misguided asshole’s horrible attempt at rebuilding a family.  

“It sounds like you mean it.”

“I don’t,” he’s crying now, tears dotting those too familiar freckles together as he runs his hand through his hair, silver sticking up at odd angles.  “Gods, I’m not sorry at all, I did what I did and I’m here and this should have been better—it should have been different, you shouldn’t hate me so much, you and my daughter shouldn’t band together against me and—and—and I should have been able to build something instead of tearing everything apart.”  He sobs and it sounds like Aurelia, their pain has the same cadence and it reverberates in my chest like a Thunderdrum bellow.  

“Hey, it’s—I don’t hate you.”  I’m an awful liar, I didn’t used to be, but somehow I am now.  I flinch from my own insincere words as the chief flops down into a chair, elbows on the table, head cradled in his hands.  

“I deserve this.  I—I fucked everything up, a thousand times. In a row.  Just again and again and again.  But your mother doesn’t...”  His back is shaking, trembling really, and I feel anchored to the floor like my feet must be made of lead.  I take a faltering step towards him, looking towards the closed bedroom door, thinking of how strong Aurelia was to walk in there, chin held high.  As mad as we’ve been at each other lately, I can’t think of how to repay her for that.  

It takes a million years to cross the ten feet of room between us.  I set my hand on his shoulder, lightly, because I’m scared to touch him, scared of what it means.  If I comfort him, does ‘Dad’ follow?  Do I start thinking he’s right?  Does trying to absorb this indescribable pain build from here until I don’t recognize myself anymore?

Or is it worse than that? Will I run away from it eventually? Will I recognize myself perfectly because I’ll be just like him?

“Umm…it’s not ok, I’m not going to say it’s ok, but…”  I don’t know what spirit possesses me to keep talking, but I stare at the back of my hand, jarring against the soft wool of the chief’s green tunic.  “I don’t know what to say, I was never the one that gave pep talks.  That was always Mom or Ingrid, I was the one who needed them.  Ingrid always knew how to make me feel better, she can make any situation seem like a fight I can win if I just push a little harder but…but this isn’t like that.  I know it’s not.”  Gods, I wish Ingrid were here.  I miss her. It’s the only reason I don’t leave sometimes, I don’t want anyone missing me the way that I miss Ingrid.  

The bedroom door opens behind us and I jerk away, shoving both my hands into my pockets.  I expect to see Aurelia alone, but Mom is with her, eyes wide, face composed.  

“Eret, can you pick your clothes up off the floor?  I swear to Thor, you’re going to be chief before you learn to pick up your own socks.” Mom snaps at me, and she sounds so much like her old self, the one I haven’t seen since I was oblivious, that I jump to attention, scrambling to pick up my mess.  “This house is too stuffy, don’t you think?  I know it’s just spring, but I think we could open some windows.  It’s not that cold outside.”  

“Mom,” Aurelia’s voice is fragile as she rests a hand on Mom’s elbow.  “Maybe you should—”

“If I gave you some money would you run down to the market for me?”  Mom cuts across her suggestion, striding across the room and rummaging through the chief’s coin purse.  “We need…a lot.  We need everything.”  She pauses and I can see her façade splitting at the seams, sad but not unsurprised. Beaten but not lying down.  Guilty in a way she never should be.  

“Hey, Mom, why don’t you go lay down—” Aurelia looks at me like I might have the answer as Mom starts organizing a cabinet, tossing things haphazardly onto the floor behind her.  

I spot my axe out of the corner of my eye, her old axe, and it’s desperate and hopeful when I grab it and walk over to her, grabbing her hand and tucking it around the handle.  She swallows and turns towards me, taking it in both hands.  

“You’re right.  That’s better, isn’t it?  We need firewood.”  

“Yeah, the pile is looking a little low.”  

She stalks outside, axe over her shoulder and when I look back inside, Aurelia and the chief are staring at me, twin pairs of green eyes fixed on my face.  That crushing weight of responsibility is back with all of its charming heft and I backpedal, tripping on an uneven floorboard and stumbling back upright.  

“I’m going for a flight.” I’m not sure that they heard me but I leave anyway, trying to ignore the rhythmic hack of Mom’s axe, pounding along with my heartbeat.  

00000

I end up at Fuse’s shed, eventually, after a few lazy laps around the island, fighting the thought of going further.  It doesn’t seem relaxing anymore what with the dragons and Arvid and the fact that the quiet would just amplify the thoughts bouncing around my head.  But Fuse’s shed is quiet and the stool in the corner isn’t comfortable enough to relax.  She barely lifts her head from whatever she’s doing when I step inside and sit down and that’s better already.  I can pout without making it worse for anyone else.

I’m not even sure what I’m pouting about, honestly, I wasn’t excited like everyone else.  

“What are you building?”

“Testing a boring charge combination.”  She looks away from whatever she’s doing to exhale, like the force of her breath could disturb it.  

“For the chief or for our plan.”  

“Our plan.”  

“Have you talked to Smitelout?”  

“No, I haven’t needed anything.”  She carefully sets a clay lid onto what she built before spackling the seam with what smells like pine sap but is darker, mixed with something I don’t recognize.  

“I still can’t believe I told her.  Do you think she’ll tell anyone?”  

“We’ll know if she does.”

“Yeah.  I guess.”  

She doesn’t know and it was comforting at first but now it feels suffocating.  It’s not mine to tell and I don’t want to talk about it, necessarily, I just…Mom needed someone to hand her an axe.  I need someone to tell me that axing something wouldn’t do anything even though I already know.  

And I never had a problem going against the chief before, staring at the parts in front of me—the forbidden parts, the defiant parts—I can’t help but feel strange.  Almost guilty.  I think of how his face crumpled when he told me, how he looked so much like me in that moment that hurting him was suddenly akin to smacking my own head against a wall for sport.  

“What’s wrong?”  Fuse looks up from her project, a few heaps of jewel toned powders laid out in some cryptic organization on an old scrap of seal skin.  She’s methodical where I’m stagnant, a smoking stone bowl dispersing her day’s work into the air.  It smells awful, like tar and rotten eggs, and I have no problem believing it would explode flawlessly.  

“Nothing.”  It’s not something I should talk about, is it? It’s private and it occurs to me that I haven’t ever been in on a family secret before.  Ha.  

It’s a passing of the torch, I’m no longer the big whopping family secret, some concept of a dead little sibling of mine is.  

My eyes itch.  I don’t know why.  

Fuse quirks half an eyebrow, the short fuzz of regrowth catching the sunlight streaming through the doorway and glowing pink like her hair, “you’re an awful liar.”  

“Thanks. I try.”  

“You aren’t being as much of a nuisance as normal.”  

“I’m just thinking.”  

“Silently? What’s going on?” She walks towards me and the hair on my arms stands up.  

“Nope.  I’m good.  You just—you know? I might actually call it a night, take Bang on a flight or something just—are you ever just antsy?  Like there’s a hundred fireworms wriggling under your skin.  Yep.  I’m just going to go uh—“  I stand up and trip over my own foot, internally cursing my clumsiness and where it came from.  Maybe that’s why I didn’t leave, that would have made me feel more like the chief, it would have brought the memory of his unreachable sadness even closer than it already is.  That thought shakes that hard little ball of anxiety around in my stomach and I feel nauseous and Thor’s beard, it’s a good thing I never had to keep family secrets, I would have been floundering in Daddy issues by the age of three.  

Fuse’s grip is stronger than it should be as she catches me by my upper arm even though I’m not stumbling anymore.  She brushes some soot off of my shoulder but just makes it worse, rubbing it into the weave of my new shirt.  My clothes still feel wrong, crisp and un-stretched in the shoulders, constantly reminding me that Arvid didn’t wear them first.  

“You know I’m a good listener.”  She reiterates like she has so many times the past few months.  

“That’s what scares me,” I swallow, “I might just tell you everything.”  

“You could start with why you aren’t working on your master plan to help the dragons, because that’s all I’m really asking about.”  

“Gods, you make it sound so easy.”  

“You talk more than anyone I know, it is easy for you.”  

“Careful,” I snort, fumbling back for my stool and plopping down onto it, rubbing sooty hands over my face.   “You might convince me to talk your ear off and then I’d never stop.”  

“You always stop.” She shrugs, one shoulder, almost sad in that Fuse way that makes me suspect she’s reading my mind. “Eventually, at least.”  

She sits back down at her station, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye as she carefully scoops an emerald green powder back into a small, clay jar with a tight-fitting lid.

“What if this is all about me?”  It’s a rhetorical question and I don’t really expect her to answer, but when she doesn’t, I’m suddenly compelled to fill the silence.  I don’t like silence, it used to be because I was afraid I’d disappear into my siblings’ larger shadows, but now I know too much about what exists in the silence between people.  Between me and…this morning, I understand that whole people can disappear into the quiet. Suddenly I’m angry that the chief and Mom didn’t tell anyone, that they kept it secret just like they did to me all those years.  Like we couldn’t exist until we were a long lost miracle.  “What if I’m not trying to help the dragons at all?  What if I’m just…screaming into a void and hoping that the chief hears me.  That he knows I’m angry.  But he knows and he’s—I want him to be evil, I want him to be pathetic, but he’s just…what if I’m defying him just for the sake of defying him?”  

“So you aren’t worried about the dragons?”  She hisses, sucking on her finger when it glances across a candle flame.  

“You ok?”  

“Because those dragons look sick, Eret.  You didn’t make that up.  Hel, one died and washed up here, that’s never happened before that I know of—”  

“If it were about the dragons, wouldn’t I have argued more?  Wouldn’t I have fought harder for help?”  I sigh, “the chief is the one who knows the most, he’s the one I should be campaigning to.  I shouldn’t be playing matchmaker for my half siblings in the forge in the middle of the night.  I would be…I don’t know. Rallying.  I’m supposed to be chief someday, people should listen to me.  Instead I’m just in here playing teenage defiance.”  

“What happened between you and the chief?”  She asks, turning towards me, eyes narrowed, strand of long hair escaping her braid and falling in front of her face.  I get the impression she’s reading me, like a water-logged scroll, trying to see what I said before the elements got to me.  

“Nothing, alright? It’s just…don’t I have to grow up sometime?”  

“You tried with the chief, he didn’t listen.”  

“He admitted it’s a problem. I should have waited—”

“Growing up isn’t synonymous with laying down.”  

“F—“  For my mom it was.  I barely catch the words on the way out of my mouth, turning them into a cough and staring at my hands.  

I can’t stop thinking of her face this morning, sad but unsurprised, like the only response she had left was ‘not again’.  I can’t help but wonder how much she’s lost, can’t help but think of her loving the chief and then loving my dad and then waffling, each decision hurting one of them, but never as much as it hurt her.  

She has it worse than I do, and I’m in here whining and defying and making everything harder for everyone while they’re going through something I don’t want to understand.  I should be back there helping, but I don’t know how to help, I don’t know how to handle everyone grieving for something I never understood them wanting.  

Am I not good enough? Is it because I don’t call the chief dad and let him ruffle my hair?  I feel impossibly more replaced, like I have to try harder and be better just to prove that it wasn’t a loss, not really.  They didn’t need to try again, they’ve got me and I’m…

I’m both of them, all at once, they don’t need another.  They don’t need to be so shattered.  

I’ll shatter for them and they can put me back together and then maybe I’ll be what they want.  

I sniff, wipe an errant tear away from my cheek, and look up at Fuse.  She’s not looking at me, almost like she’s giving me privacy to fall apart, like I’m a bomb and she wants me on the other side of a barrier.  I like the way she deals with emotions, clinical, sure, calm.  She’s the calmest person I’ve ever met and it makes me feel safe and inferior all at once.

“I think you’re doing this for the dragons,” she says quietly, her tone assured and steady, “I think your methods might be for you, but I think that’s ok.  When you don’t do anything constructive, you end up fighting your brother and screaming at the chief and if you need a few things to blow up as an outlet, well hey,” she smiles at me, “I get that.”  

It’s too quiet and I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out.  Maybe a sigh, maybe half a breathless laugh.  

“I think I should head home.”  I should go try and help.  Even though I don’t know what to do or how to do it.  She’s right, my methods are for me and I don’t want to be someone who runs and hides so now I have to prove that to myself.  

“Alright,” she nods, “I’m close to something here.  I’ll let you know if it’s anything.”  

I nod and stand up, “yeah, sure, I’ll…I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess.  Or something.  Around, I’ll see you around.”  

She nods at me and I keep that quiet reassurance in my head as long as I can as I fly back up the hill to the chief’s house.  I think about knocking again, honestly, especially after I see Mom’s axe planted so deep into half a tree that I wonder if she stopped because she couldn’t get it out. I did that a lot as a kid, honestly, I was way better at swinging than I was at getting it back and I don’t think I’ve changed much.  I just didn’t know I got that from Mom.  She was always so in control, of us, of what she said and did.  Of everything.  

Until the chief came back into the picture and threw her back into chaos, I guess.  

I take one more deep breath before pushing the door open.  

Mom is cooking and she’d look completely normal if it weren’t for the splinters stuck to her skirt and the hair that’s out of her braid and stuck to her neck, like she was sweating from all the tree murdering.  Aurelia is at the table, stack of books in front of her, on her knees in her chair to see the book at the top of the stack.  She looks more frazzled than Mom does, face pale when she looks up and stares at me for a second before shaking her head.

“Oh, hi.”  

I know that voice. That’s the voice of someone who just mistook me for the chief.  I reach up and pull the tie out of my hair, shaking it out with my hand like that’ll make the difference more obvious.  

“Hey.”  

“We could have used your help earlier,” Mom stands up, “Aurelia nearly killed herself bringing the entire library home.”  She walks across the room, affectionately touching the top of Aurelia’s head and looking at me like she dares me to bring it up.  

“Sorry,” I cough, trying to think of anything else to say.  “I uh…needed some air?”  

“Mom, this says that dandelion greens—”  Aurelia starts in an urgent half-whisper, like she’s not quite sure she wants me to hear and Mom cuts her off.  

“I told Hiccup it was stuffy in here.  We’re Vikings, a spring cross-breeze has never hurt any of us.”  She goes back to the fireplace, fussing with whatever she has on the grate inside of it.  “Are you hungry?”  

“Always,” I blurt and she shakes her head like it’s just a normal day and that’s just a normal joke that wasn’t funny the first time, let alone the thousandth.  “That smells good.”  The second part is a lie because I can’t smell anything but fire and Aurelia’s anxious energy as she flips through pages.  I glance at her book and see drawings that aren’t Berkian and the words aren’t Norse.  She’s mouthing slowly to herself, face flushed with frustration.  

“Cold baths,” she mutters, looking up at Mom, “maybe it was the time of year?”  

“Put the book away and eat something,” Mom half snaps, dropping a plate of stew in front of her and putting one in my hands.  She sits back down on the hearth and starts eating out of the pot, idly brushing splinters off of her lap.  “That’s good. Yeah, Hiccup is never on cooking duty again, there’s a reason he’s so skinny.”  

“Maybe you weren’t eating enough.” Aurelia says louder, pushing the plate pointedly away.  “Maybe that’s it.”  

“You skipped breakfast.” Mom looks at the plate, “eat.”  

“I’m not hungry.” Aurelia crosses her arms and I shake my head at her as subtly as I can, because even though I’ve never seen Mom quite like this, I can’t imagine it’s a good idea to challenge her like that.  

“You need to eat something.”

“Not until I figure this out,” Aurelia’s voice cracks and she slumps back down, sitting on her heels. She doesn’t wipe the tear that spills out of the corner of her eye, doesn’t even try to hide it, and Mom’s expression freezes on her face.  

“I’m going to go get Stoick,” she stands up, leaving her fork on the hearth next to the pot of stew. “You can hold down the fort while I’m gone, right Eret?”  

“Uh…” I look at Aurelia and swallow hard, like I can physically stuff my own confused sadness so deep inside that it won’t spill out accidentally.  “Yeah.  Sure.”

“And check on Hiccup, would you?”  She says it like an afterthought, slipping on her boots and frowning when she pulls a splinter out of one.  “I don’t think I’ve ever known him to sleep this long at all, let alone in the middle of the day.”  Her laugh is hollow and numb and another tear slips down Aurelia’s cheek.  

“Sure.”  I feel like it’s somehow the same word I just said, like it floated around the unusually dead air in the room and came back to me, only to fall out under nearly identical, numb circumstances.  

“I’ll be back,” she opens the door and leaves like it’s a normal day and Aurelia sobs the second the door is closed.  

“Hey,” I set down my food, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and pulling her into a hug that’s almost intentionally smothering, like I can squeeze this out of her faster. “It’s ok—”

“She needs to talk about it!”  She snaps, wiping her face on my shirt and leaning into the hug.  “We need to figure out why for when…” she sighs, “in case…”

“She’s…” I want to say something comforting but all I have is the truth and I shrug, “she’s kind of old for it, Aurelia, it was crazy in the first place—”

“Just because you didn’t think of something doesn’t make it crazy.”  She shoves me off, leaning back over her book and slowly saying a word in a language I don’t recognize.  “Fuck. What’s that mean? Thor-dammit.”  She slams the book shut and wipes her eyes again.  “I can do this.  I can do this.”  

“What are you trying to do?”

“Read.”  She sits, letting her legs swing under the chair, and pulls the giant book into her lap.  “Of course we don’t have anything in Norse about this but that doesn’t matter. I can do this.”  

“Aurelia,” I put my hand on her shoulder and she shrugs it off, “look at me.”  

“I know the answer is in here, I just need to figure it out—”

“I know you’re upset, but that doesn’t mean you need to magically learn another language—”

“I know this!”  She jabs her finger at the page, a whole wave of tears falling down her cheeks at once.  “It’s my Mom’s language, I spoke it.  We spoke it.  She taught it to me and…and it’s gone.  Parts of it are gone and I need it—”

“Hey,” I bend down to hug her again, ignoring the weak swat of her hand on my forearm.  “Mom will see a healer, they’ll know what happened—”

“She already did,” she goes back to tracing over the same strange word again and again with her fingertip.  “They said it just happens.  Things don’t just happen.  If things happen it’s because something makes them happen and someone lets them happen. What the fuck is this word?  I know it, I know I know it.”  

I look down at my arm, the pale, freckled skin against the dark green wool of her shirt.  There’s the scar that I got falling off of Bang when I was eleven, there’s the dirt under my fingernails from cleaning my saddle. I just happened.  I am a mistake, an accident, an unlikely collision of things that weren’t supposed to happen and if they happened they weren’t supposed to work.  

And now I’m an isolated event.  I always was, of course, but it’s different now after lightning failed to strike twice.

“It’s a fish!”  She shouts, “it’s a kind of fish.  We didn’t have it here, my mom was always looking for it...”  She mutters a few more words in a strange, clunky accent, “and that doesn’t help us.”

“I don’t know how this would help anything.”  

“Of course you don’t,” she shrugs my arm off and it plucks at that nagging feeling of being replaced by something that died before it was ever alive.  

“What’s that supposed to mean?”  

“Mom needs to talk about it, I know you don’t seem to think she needs to, but you’re wrong.  And she can’t talk about it when everyone is just acting like it’s normal, it can’t be something she has to bring up—”

“I think you need to talk about it.”  I gesture at the closed bedroom door, “he probably needs to talk about it.  I…”  I don’t have anything new to say about it. It feels like I don’t have a single thought in my head that hasn’t been said a hundred times.  I feel empty and full of other people’s thoughts at the same time and I can’t figure out who would care if I said that out loud.  

“Mom should talk.”  

“Well, you can’t make her,” I let my hands fall against my legs with a louder slap than I expect.  

She glares at me and sniffs, wiping her nose on the end of her too long sleeve.  She looks younger than she has lately, puffy eyes and red cheeks reminding me of the sullen girl I moved in with, the one I just wanted to laugh so that someone would.  I get the odd feeling that I know her less now than I did then and then I was just guessing.  

We aren’t feeling the same thing.  Not even close.  We aren’t in the same book, let alone on the same page.  Our books are in different languages.  

Today’s the most I’ve ever heard her talk about her mom and I almost want to ask, to try and steer this back into something I understand, but I don’t want her to say the things in my head.  I don’t want to hear it out loud, that I’m always going to be a reminder of something they all lost.  

“I’m going to check on the chief.”  

“Yeah.”  She looks back at her book, “good luck getting him to talk.  Since you know what he needs so well.”  

I pause for a second, deciding against answering that and picking another teary fight before Mom gets back, and cross the room to open the bedroom door.  It creaks, and a bar of light falls across a lump of blankets that I assume is the chief.  I stand there for a minute and he doesn’t say anything so I clear my throat, hoping it’s loud enough to wake him.  

“I’ll be out in a minute.” He mumbles, barely loud enough to hear through the covers and I sigh.  I almost ask him to get up for Mom, because she’d like a little normalcy and that doesn’t seem like too much to ask.  

But maybe I’m the one who wants normalcy and my normal isn’t anyone else’s anymore.  

“Ok.  Yeah.  Seems likely.”  I shut the door and resist the urge to bash it against my head a few times on the way.