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fakeloveaskblog · 3 years

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Patty have you ever asked Janus to join for dinner when you meet him? Maybe that can somehow help Logan with his flirting? Or at least get Janus more relaxed?

(btw you're adorable ily!!)

(*cracks knuckles* Oh yeah baby we’ve gotten to the angst. Words: 2364 )

Patty: ": D Oh hello lil magical bird who just talked to me! I love you too!! I didn't want to barge in too much into their relationship but now when my honeypie has asked him out once already I guess I can help just a bit!"

Patty had sunglasses on to look like a secret agent. This was an important step in her plan, she swore on it. She sneaked into the open library while chuckling to herself.

She glanced around and almost immediately caught her eye on Janus standing in the reception. She did a few sneaky walks between the bookshelves before sliding up to him.

"Hello Janister!" She greeted with a bright smile while putting her elbows on the reception to lean closer.

"Hiya PatPat. Logan is off helping a customer but he'll be back soon"

"Oh silly I'm not looking for him right now. I am actually here to ask if you could come over to our place tonight. You see I'm planning on making Jambalaya but I always make too much! I'm talking leftovers up to the roof!! But if a third person was there maybe I would be able to make a perfect amount" She lied. She was making jambalaya for Janus purposes alone!

Janus' heartrate shot through the atmosphere "To- me?- your place?- tonight?- I uh- I don't know if I have time-"

She pouted and did her puppy eyes "You sure? You don't have to if you don't want to!! But it would be nice!"

He let out a happy sigh "Sure"

She took his hand and let out a sqeaul "aaah Great! It'll be so fun!!"

---

Logan was leaning down so Patty could help him with his bowtie. "Are you completely sure I look adequate?" He asked.

"Oh honeybee, You look super duper ultra adequate. You're literally wearing a sweater with a math pun on it!!"

"Hmm sound argument. I can not deny the sexiness of math puns"

A knock came on the door. The couple stared at each other. Logan stimmed out of nervousness. Patty gave him a quick kiss before pointing between him and the door. They did a good luck high five.

Logan combed his hair back and leaned on the wall to look cool as he opened the door. Janus stood on the other side looking like a sardine that had just been pressed into a can.

He had on a purple vest with embroidered flowers details and with a long sleeved black button up under. Also a very funky pair of stripped pants with even funkier yellow snake socks under.

"Greetings Jan. You are looking" Like a dream. Like someone he wanted to kiss right this moment. "Very good"

"Aww are you trying to be a snake charmer Log-boy" Janus replied with a smirk.

"I am not a log or a boy. I'm an adult man made out of meat"

"You better be because I'm starving" He had downed 2 shots of vodka before coming to try to and cool his extreme anxiety. He was a lightweight.

Logan lead him into the living room "Are....Are you implying cannibalism?"

Janus shrugged while smiling.

The apartement truly did look like a mismatch of the couple's personalities. The walls were filled with maps of constellations and uplifting cat posters. On the bookshelfs cook books and travel books were stacked next to thick philosophy books and essays. The decorations were either cute porcelain animals, magical anime girl figurines or figurines of characters from Lo's different hyperfixations. The sofa was filled with fluffy blankets and pillows and stuffies were scattered around the light blue carpet filling the living room.

“Do you want to watch star trek while eating?” Logan asked with a hopeful glint in his eyes.

“As long as I get to watch your beautiful face as well” Janus flirted back while doing an unsteady fingergun.

“Oh- Of course” His crush’s sudden forwardness was making his heart flutter.

Janus curled up in the corner of the couch, making himself as small as possible. Logan sat down pretty far away from him.

He started the first episode. Janus had a constant smile on his face as he listened to Logan go between telling him facts and gushing over his favorite moments. All while he could hear Patty in the kitchen half singing along to dad rock.

“Does she want help with that?” Janus, known gentleman and also nervous wreck, asked.

“She’ll tell us if she need it. She likes cooking. I like baking. It usually works out”

Janus got an amused look on his face “You’re into baking? So all those times at work when you brought desserts, that was your making?”

“Yes. And they were delicious. Anything wrong with that?”

“No. No. I simply didn’t take you for the type”

“Well cooking involves creativity and there’s room for your own ideas. Baking doesn’t. It is only about following a structure and doing kitchen chemistry. Of course I love it” He lowered his voice “It is also tremendously good for when you need to flirt without words”

“Oh really? I better start looking up recipes then” He pulled in Logan's bowtie “You have any favorites?”

In his head he had the guts to say ‘Your lips against mine would be my favorite’ in reality he said “HehuHFKdjf jam drops in the shape of heart. The heart part is important. It adds to the taste”

“It usually does”

Janus slowly looked him up and down. And then he realized what the fuck he was doing. He shot back into his corner of the sofa like a naked rat. Logan sat still with blushing cheeks, staring at the tv but not taking in anything that was happening except his racing heart.

“Done!” Patty exclaimed, coming in with a big ass fucking pot of jambalaya and a just as big bottle of wine.

She saw the nervous state both of the guys were in and quickly made up a plan. She slammed the pot down onto the coffee table and moved the blankets so they took up about half of the couch. Then she sat down using up as much space as possible leaving the guys no choice but to move closer to each other, If both of them sat their hands down they would touch.

Patty cuddled up to her husband with a proud smile on her face. Logan moved his arm around her.

“It looks great sweetheart” He pressed a kiss to her cheek making her giggle.

“So do you!! And so does mr. star trek captain man!”

She enjoyed the hell out of her jambalaya while the two idiots sent each other awkward smiles. Janus downed his glass of wine in record speed. (He took it slower with the food, he didn’t want to seem disgusting).

The whole star trek episode went by. Logan asked Janus a thousand excited questions about how much he liked it. All of his answers made the nerd happy stim. They put on a documentary none of them were really interested in the background while continuing to chat. Patty went on a long epic story about how a kid at her daycare had tried to bite her finger off last week.

“Soooo” Patty sudenly changed the topic. She said it with an innocent tone “My nerdy lil honeypie over here had the biggest crush on Data for a while. It was adorable. ANd while we’re on the topic” The look she gave Janus was happy but it still sent shivers down his spine “You having any crushes lately? Just curious!”

Both of the men internally gasped at the audacity. The gall! The sheer power!! Janus was sweating like a naked rat who had just been clad for the first time.

“...Well.......I have actually been meaning to....Ask about the polyamourous thing?”

The couple exhanged knowing glances before looking back at him “Mhm yeah Mhm” “I am poly and also a thing so I am an expert in this”

“So...I totally haven’t fallen in love with 3 people. 2 of which I met in the span of around a week”

Patton did a double thumbs up. Logan took a long sip from his wine. “We’re all gossipy bitches here. Tell all about it”

“Well. The first one is Remy-”

“The one with the sunglasses?”

“...Yes...Are....Don’t tell me they’re a serial killer”

Patty broke up into a chuckle “Logie-bogie tried to kiss them while he was drunk once”

“I threw up on their shoes”

“He threw up on their shoes!”

Logan saw the terror in Janus’ face as he worried that maybe 2 of his crushes were exes and quickly added “We are only acquaintance and I was momentarily struck by the impressive lenght of their legs”

Janus went on to gush about Remy and Remus. Why he loved them. All the dates he had daydreamed about. And then finally his voice was shaking when he mentioned just having a third crush.

Patty let out a long yawn before he could say anything more. She stood up “Well looks like it’s time to snooze! I assume 2 big burly ultra masculine men like you two can handle the dishes”

“It will be a challenge but we shall do our best. Goodnight honey” Logan kissed her.

She leaned in and whispered “Good luck Logie-bear! You got this”

She giggled mischievously while going off into the bedroom. She closed the door behind her. Only the two lovebirds were left now.

“So the third crush? Who’s the lucky gentleman?” Logan asked.

Janus held onto his newly refilled wine glass so hard it nearly cracked. He forced a smile “Wouldn’t you want to hear about the fake couples counseling I go to together with Remus instead?”

“Fake what now?”

“Well me and Remus, who I am hopelessly in love with even though he clearly doesn’t feel the same way, started going to a therapist pretending we were a couple to see how long it would take before he realized we didn’t know each other. He hasn’t realized anything yet. It’s great!”

It looked like Logan’s eyes was about to bulge out of his skull “That sounds illegal. It should be. You are dragging shame onto the face of psychology you double dumbass!”

“I have done nothing wrong ever in my entire life and frankly I deserve to waste even more therapist’s time” Janus replied.

He let out a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose “Which therapist is it that you’re harassing exactly?”

“Dr. Picani”

Logan’s eyes widened and he shut his lips tightly “Emile Picani?”

“Yes.....Please don’t tell me he’s a serial killer”

He slowly looked away while taking a sip from his wine “I have had intercourse with that man”

Janus choked on his drink. He coughed while staring at his friend with wild eyes “YOU FUCKED MY THERAPIST????”

“No.......He fucked me” Logan replied in a quiet tone. “Besides he’s not even your real therapist”

“He is still a sort of therapist man to me! I told him I enjoy Lana Del Rey. That was a very intimate moment for me!”

“Well I had a very intimate moment with him too”

Janus looked at him with flushed cheeks and wide eyes. He let out a chuckle which turned into a laugh which turned into Logan not being able to not laugh along which turned into the room filling with nothing but flustered happiness and laughter.

Logan grabbed onto his crush’ arm just to have some contact with him while his eyes teared up from laughter. Janus leaned his head against his shoulder and curled up close to him while giggling so much his stomach hurt.

“Oh we’re idiots” Janus sighed.

“We are. We truly are”

They stayed sitting like that. So so close. Logan’s arm around him. Janus breathing being felt against the other man’s skin. Their hands touching. Only comfortable silence surrounded them.

A few minutes went by. Janus looked at him shuly. His thoughts worrying about everything and anything “Should we- ehm- the dishes?”

The moment broke. Logan moved away before standing up “I uh yeah- we should”

It was strange. Just dishing together with his crush made Logan happy. All he could think about was getting to be this close, this domestic, with him every day. Getting to wake up next to him. Kiss his knuckles. Share a morning with him.

“Who was the third crush by the way?” Logan asked, glancing over at his crush.

Janus stared down into the water “I- I can’t say it”

“Understandable”

He stopped and turned fully to look at Janus. He had never been more unsure of where to put his hands before.

“Well I can...Say it I mean....I....I...Janus.....You make me happy just by being near me...You are so wonderful...I....I love you”

Logan couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He took a step forward and cupped Janus’ cheeks. He leaned forward, so close, so close that their noses and foreheads were pressed against each other. It felt like had been starving for this.

Janus froze. His wide eyes stared in shock at the other man. His hand moved up to his chest on instinct, to try and push him away.

Logan noticed his reaction. Of course he did. It was blindingly obvious. He forced himself to move away. He forced the desire to kiss him to simmer out.

“I-I’m sorry-” He mumbled out.

“No....Lo..” Janus took his hand. Holding it so so lightly in his own “I know” He looked up at him “I know. I’m sorry. I should go”

A horrible feeling of guilt filled Logan’s throat “You don’t have to”

“I should go” He repeated, letting go of his hand.

Logan walked after him as he went to get his jacket “A date. Do you want to go on a date? Not just a hangout. Janus I- I want so badly to be close to you. We could go to the zoo, look at the snakes?”

Janus held his hand on the handle of the door. He didn’t look at Logan “Thanks for having me over”

He left. Logan stood alone in the hallway. His arms hanging helplessly at his sides.

#(:#loceit #mini fic #logicality #logan sanders #janus sanders #sanders sides #patton sanders

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louiserandom · 4 years

Text

Play Games with Me

Pairing: Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara | Rating: E

A/N: Commission for the amazing @rookie-d💙💗 thank you so much! *hugs*

Read on AO3 or continue under the cut :3 Ko-fi and fic commission info in the header!

Tobirama SenJERK has never had sex in his life, Madara types, as always brimming with spite when it comes to his least favorite person in town. Maybe on the planet.

Rereading the comment and satisfied that there aren’t any typos or any hint whatsoever at some kind of hidden affection (which isn’t there, never was and never will be, Madara reminds himself firmly), he hits ‘Comment.’

“Take that, you dumbass,” Madara mutters under his breath, and really, this could be classified as childish, were he not completely in the right to take vicious revenge upon the fucking asshole who dared refer to Madara as ‘so idiotic it’s pitifully adorable’ on his last stream. Hah! Like Tobirama isn’t the less intelligent one of the two of them; Madara has watched enough of his Uncharted 4 gameplay to note that Tobirama took twelve seconds longer than him to figure out arguably the most difficult puzzle in the game. And although Madara’s sub count doesn’t quite reflect his superior intellect compared to Senju’sーnot that he’s checked in a whileーit’s likely a testament to the viewers’ total lack of taste, if anything else.

(Two thousand, nine hundred and thirty four viewer’s, to be precise, according to this morning’s stats and minus the handful of Madara’s fake accounts that he created just in case to keep up with his chief competitor. Admittedly, it might be a tad annoying.)

A notification pipes up.

Hm, I wonder how you’d know that, MaddyGamerboy? Are you stalking me? I must admit, I’m flattered.

Madara sputters at the reply. At yet another butchering of his perfectly adequate nickname. The fucking nerve of the guyーand people fucking wonder why Madara hates his guts?

(Madara knows it doesn’t really help his case that he’s touched himself to fantasies of the younger Senju more times than he’d care to count, but hate-fucking a thing isn’t it? Hate-masturbation must be too, he supposes. Not the healthiest outlet for negative feelings, but it makes him feel good enough.)

(Heavenly, to be precise.)

I AM NOT, YOU SELF-OBSESSED DUMBASS, Madara types, simultaneously taking care of the half-a-dozen typos that appear of their own accord.

No.

Deep breath. Stop fingers from shaking. Think about something witty to say.

Pff, he writes, for lack of any better word to express his indignant huff, like I give a shit about you. You’re dumb.

It did sound much better in his head, but Madara has spent over a minute writing the comment already, and he doesn’t want to appear as if he’s thinking too hard on it.

He posts his answer, not dwelling too match on the number of likes on Tobirama’s comment far outnumbering the hundred Madara’s garnered. Again, Tobirama’s audience is clearly not the best judge of character.

“FUCK. YOU. SIDEWAYS, SENJU!” Madara shouts at the reply that follows, consisting only of the words:

Thanks for the sub btw.

“You fucking piece of shit,” Madara hisses. “Like eight fucking fake accounts do anything to boost your stats, I don’t even like all your videos from each one of them, you ass!”

I DID NOT SUB DONT BELIEVE HIM

I’m happy to have another loyal fan ;)

HE IS FUCKING LYEING!!!

With seemingly every single person in the comments raving about how it’s about time MadGamer69 and admitted he admires FlyingThunderGod’s skill, Madara has to consciously restrain himself from smashing his laptop against the wall.

“You can just tell him you like him, you know.”

Madara startles, almost stumbling to the floor when Hashirama returns with their drinks and quickly put-together snacks, always the one to rummage through Madara’s kitchen because Madara hardly cares what edible and inedible things existed there or what to do with themーthat’s Izuna’s job.

“I do not,” Madara snarls, as Hashirama flops next to him on the couch, “like that stupid clusterfuck you call a brother!”

“Madara!” Hashirama whines, with that ever-present pout on his face. “Be civil.”

“Yeah, when he returns the favor,” Madara glowers, grabbing a milkshake from Hashirama’s hand. “Did you forget that he fucking started it? Do I need to quote his “pitifully adorable how so much stupidity can fit in such a short man” again?” Madara can’t help flailing his arms a little, though far too conscious of this habit now since the Tobirama has started pointing it out. He makes up for it with what he hopes is a deadly enough glare. “Did no one in your family bother to teach him manners? Did you?”

Hashirama only sighs. “And did you forget,” he asks, “how before that you abused my invitation over to our place to hide his Golden Youtube Gamer Tablet?”

Madara groans. “It’s called a Gold Play Button. Idiot.”

“Now you’re insulting me,” Hashirama grumbles, “and who cares? The point is, you’d be upset too if he hid yours.”

“Youtubers care,” Madara says, “and also, that’s irrelevant, that was revenge for him making fun of my perfectly adequate gameplay.”

“To be fair, you were dying quite a lot in that playthrough...”

“He took twelve seconds longer to figure out that puzzle in the game!” Madara growls.

Hashirama rolls his eyes. “Well, of course, because that Yellow Flash guy was flirting and distracting him in the chat.”

Madara blanches. "That good-for-nothing pipsqueak was what?”

“See,” Hashirama drawls, “you are jealous. Why would you be jealous?”

“I-I’m not!”

“Madara, you are so far in denial, that as your best friend,” Hashirama says firmly, slapping a hand over Madara’s mouth before he can muster another protest, “I cannot stand by and watch you suffer. Anymore, that is, because this has reached a breaking point. So, please, for me, I am begging you, just try politely asking if maybe Tobirama would like to accompany you for coffee somewhere tomorrow? Maybe brunch? I mean, come on, I know you guys don’t hate each other anymore. Seriously, you guys seem like you enjoy arguments, and hey, who am I to judge how people express affection?”

“Affection?!” Madara shrieks, shoving Hashirama’s hand away.

“And please stop pretending you don’t have printed out screenshots of my brother’s videos hidden under your mattress because Izunaー”

“Is a fucking snooping rat!” Madara hisses.

Hashirama sighs. “If it helps you feel better, maybe Tobirama might possibly not feel extreme dislike towards you but actually the opposite,” he says, smiling nervously as Madara blanches.

Because... what?

He blinks, running Hashirama’s words through his mind again.

“And how would you know that?” he asks, suspicious. “I swear if you dared tell him anything about my possibly nonexistent feelingsー”

“Possibly?” Excitement starts bubbling in Hashirama’s eyes. “That’s progress!”

“Definitely nonexistent feelings, dammit!”

Hashirama, the asshole Madara calls best friend for some reason, giggles. “Don’t worry, I didn’t. I promise, stop glaring or I will start pouting,” he threatens, and Madara schools his expression back into a light scowl to avoid the infamous Senju pout.

Like a curse, memories of said pout curling Tobirama’s lips spring to mind, and Madara has to physically shake his head to banish those thoughts.

“Listen, the fact that we’re not as... aggressive as we used to be,” Madara says, “doesn’t mean we suddenly like each other.”

“Madara, you insist on coming along every time we hang out,” Hashirama points out.

“I like hanging out with you.”

“Yet every time we do,” Hashirama presses on, “you’re hyperfocused on bickering with Tobirama instead of talking about wholesome stuff with me. Did you even notice that I brought Mito with me the past few times and it was literally a double date?”

“Was not!” Madara shoves at Hashirama with his shoulder and stands up to pace, because there goes the tell-tale sweating of his hands, the fluttering in his chest and stomach and the memoriesーof him and Tobirama secretly filming the other on camera when they do stupid shit, their almost daily Best Playground Insult Contest that’s been memed half to death on Twitter, the one time they got separated from Hashirama and Izuna in Disneyland because they’d got caught in their arguments so much it devolved into discussing their favorite games and an actual conversation that had Madara’s insides tingling.

No.

No, no, no. If anything, they were just gradually becoming something not unlike friends. And Madara’s occasional fantasies behind closed doors were nothing but a means to a pleasant end.

Not. Feelings.

No matter how much he’s grown attached to the site of messy, white-gray hair that he knows is soft to the touch from all the times he’s tugged on it to irritate him. No matter how piercing Tobirama’s unique red eyes may look. No matter how objectively hot his recent workout routine video wasーand Madara knows he’d only watched it so many times because he wants to improve his own routine, right?

Right?

Madara groans. “Why are emotions so fucking confusing!” He slumps onto the floor and wraps his arms around his knees, hitting his head over and over again on his kneecaps because, “I don’t even know what I want from him, okay?”

There’s a brief silence before Hashirama joins him and keeps him from abusing his head further. “How about,” Hashirama suggests, rubbing a comforting hand on his back, “you just ask? Listen, he’s my brother. And you’re my best friend. You two fighting less and at least making an effort to get to know each other better?” Hashirama brings out the puppy dog eyes. “That would mean the world for me.”

Madara glances at him before looking away again, focusing on a random photo of the wall. One featuring Tobirama right after his university graduation with a wide smile on his face. Quite the adorable face, too, and the unprompted thought makes Madara want to descend into oblivion. Preferably forever.

“That’s difficult,” he says lamely.

“But not impossible,” Hashirama says, “and hey, it’s better than waiting for the Yellow Flash guy to actually make a move on Tobi and start occupying all of his time. He’s a really big fan.”

“Fuck Minato,” Madara scoffs, “the guy just showed up and is just shamelessly emulating Tobirama’s style. That’s dumb.”

“Dumber than you claim Tobi is?” Hashirama prompts.

Madara thinks about it. “You know what? Yes.”

“As I saidーprogress!”

Madara can never go through with his impulses to punch his well-meaning best friend, and so grabs the nearest pillow from the couch and smashes it into Hashirama’s face to shut him up.

Tobirama returns home only to find Hashirama and Madara standing by the front door, frowning as they watched something that sounded like a tsunami of some kind.

“Listen, it’s gotta be one of those black holes or something twisting that vortex. Look how stuff disappears right into it!” is his brother talking, and Tobirama is already heaving a frustrated sigh.

Please don’t tell me you think there’s a black hole on Earth.

“There’s no black holes on Earth, idiot! The nearest one is way off, like near Pluto or something,” Madara says.

Ah. Even better. Tobirama chuckles under his breath, crosses his arms and leans against the wall, observing the two idiots he knows and loves.

He mentally kicks himself.

Well, one of them, he loves. Of course he loves his brother.

The other is... complicated.

“And besides, that could just be the Loch Ness monster or a cthulhu or something. See how dark the water is?”

“Or maybe,” Tobirama says, making them both jump, “it’s a natural phenomenon that’s a tad too difficult for both your brain cells to comprehend? I’m happy to explain though.”

“I’m happy to see you fuck yourself,” Madara greets him his usual way, scowling despite the exceptionally conspicuous blush painting his cheeks.

The contrast never fails to make Tobirama’s heart beat faster. He hates himself for it.

“Mm, Madara,” Tobirama teases, “not in front of my brother.”

As expected, Madara starts spluttering, and Tobirama is left wondering again how he avoids making a total fool of himself in each and every one of his videos. It seems Madara saves most of his flailing for the comment section.

“You,” Madara snarls, pointing Tobirama’s way, “are an asshole, Senju, but spending time with the better part of society might do you some good. So see you at brunch tomorrow and do not be late.”

And with that, Madara gives Hashirama a cursory wave and stalks off, leaving Tobirama frozen on the spot.

Did Madara just?..

Tobirama blinks, swallowing heavily as he feels his throat running dry and his heart rate pick up.

No fucking way.

He must have imagined it. Through his stupor of trying to figure out what the hell just took place, Tobirama vaguely registers Hashirama’s facepalm.

“Sorry for that,” Tobirama hears his brother speak through the rush in his ears. “He meant, uh, will you please join him for brunch? Tomorrow at 11 am, Eggspectation?”

Tobirama blinks harder.

“I,” he starts, “I don’t... Did you blackmail Madara into asking me out?”

Hashirama looks scandalized. “What? No!”

“Did Madara just ask me out?”

“Well, yes, Tobi.” Hashirama chuckles nervously. “You sure you’re feeling okay?”

Tobirama glares. “The idiot’s wake up text to me today was literally a collection of trashy limerick poems about how much I suck. Sorry if I’m a little skeptical.”

“You,” Hashirama says, wincing as a long-suffering expression settles on his face, “you guys send wake up texts to each other?”

A moment of awkward silence hangs in the air.

“Sometimes,” Tobirama says, defensive, although the damage is already done.

“And you’re still not going out? Tobirama, you do realize he’s in love with you, right?”

“Don’t say things like that, Anija!” Tobirama snaps, hoping the dim lighting in the corridor conceals the blush he can feel heating up his cheeks. Fuck. Now he’s turning Madara. “Yet, I mean.”

“I’ll save the celebrations until after your date then!” Hashirama sing-songs like the idiot he is.

Tobirama resigns to his fate. “I hate you.”

“You love me.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“You’ll thank me for this.”

“If it goes well,” Tobirama glowers though it’s ineffective, really, against his brother’s bubbling positivity, and the sheer awe still coursing through him from Madara asking him out on a fucking date is actually enough to make Tobirama want to hug him. He refrains. "Now, thanks, Anija, but I have work things to attend to.”

“Sure! Just don’t forget, 11ー”

“Eleven eggs and uh, no expectations, got it.”

“Wait, Tobi, noー”

With no time to waste, naturally, Tobirama bolts into their apartment and straight to his room to choose an appropriate outfit. And to mentally prepare himself for something he’s almost given up hoping for.

Tobirama cannotーwill notーmess this up.

Tobirama makes sure to arrive about ten minutes early. Not because he’s worried or nervous, of course; maybe just a little, but mostly just to get his bearings beforeーfinallyーa date with Madara goddamn Uchiha.

Madara, who’s been Tobirama’s stupid crush since high school, and just as in love with gaming as he is, only that didn’t turn out to be such a great bonding point between them, as Tobirama had hopedーbefore he actually got to know his Anija’s best friend.

Madara, who seemed to dislike Tobirama at first sight and only grew to hate him more over the years as they both found more joy in arguing than they did in talking.

Madara, who, despite this, blushes every rare time Tobirama genuinely smiles at him or drops a suggestive joke, who has an arguably unhealthy obsession with Tobirama’s ass which he always ogles when he thinks no one is looking.

Madara, whose plastered ass Tobirama had to drag home the other week, amid drunken speeches about capitalist injustice, some wacky conspiracy behind the disappearance of the dodo bird and... something quite interesting.

“Listen, Senju,” Madara was slurring against Tobirama’s shoulder, as the latter cursed every single nonexistent god that Hashirama had chosen that fucking day to go on a road trip with Mito, Toka and Izuna, leaving Tobirama in charge of this walking trash fire of a man. “Listen. Tobira... Tobi. Tobirama. You’re so hot.”

The words almost made Tobirama stumble.

“What, Uchiha?”

“And cute... So pretty, too, I wish you could see that...” Madara went on babbling. “I think you do. But still. Wish you could see me like I do. I mean see you. Like I do...”

“Tobira, you’re just, you’re unfair...”

“I hate you and I like you then I love you and I hate you again, why you’reー” A hiccup. “How do you exist...”

“I just want to hold hands and just... walk and talk and be together and...”

Tobirama watched in ever mounting confusion as Madara leaned completely into him, humming as he hugged Tobirama tightly and said,

“Is that too fucking much to ask...”

Tobirama stood, shell-shocked, with Madara whispering impossible nonsense in his arms, wondering if he was in a dream.

The next day saw Madara returning to his usual self insulting Tobirama at every goddamn opportunity, which left Tobirama... confused.

Confused, and conflicted, and sleepless for the rest of the night, thoughts held captive by the utter idiot whose ultimate goal seems to be to ruin Tobirama’s life.

It’s maddening.

Of course, he’d suspected that Madara’s flailing and constant blushing interspersed with screams and insults (the most creative ones, reserved only for Tobirama, it seemed) were signs of not so much dislike, as the complete opposite. Of course, Tobirama had tried flirting with Madara, just bordering right there on the edge of suggestive, only for his advances to be seen as patronizing or condescending. And hearing Madara speak to him this way, in a drunken stupor no less, when he’d probably have no causeーor abilityーto lie is...

Maddening. Annoying. Exhilarating. A tantalizing opportunity. Maybe a glimmer of hope.

And of course, Tobirama told his brother; they never really had any secrets between them. And of fucking course Hashirama had a hand in convincing Madara to change his usual behavior, which is nice and all, but doesn’t help the nerves wracking through Tobirama’s body, nor the crippling fear that he’s going to somehow screw this up.

But no. Deep breath. Exhale. And remember Anija’s advice.

Tobirama takes the last turn before he’s faced with their meeting place, surprised to find Madara already there.

Even though he’s usually always late. Sitting inside by the window, looking out onto the street with a slight frown, Madara keeps worrying his bottom lip and, apparently, trying to break a spoon.

It paints an endearing picture. Tobirama sighs, feeling a smile tugging at his lips.

This man...

Tobirama comes in, approaching him slowly, allowing himself a few moments to watch Madara needlessly fix his wild mane of hair, appraise his reflection in the spoon, try out several fake-looking smiles before settling on a scowl and going back to his nervous tics again. With another sigh, Tobirama takes the few steps left to his date, repeating Hashirama’s advice over and over in his head.

Just be yourselfーand have fun!

Just a few minutes into their date, it becomes obvious that Madara didn’t get the same advice from Hashirama.

Or just didn’t get the advice, period.

With their orders made and beverages served, they’re left to wallow in a less than comfortable silence, broken only by Madara’s... uncharacteristic attempts at conversation.

“Are you enjoying the tea?” Madara asks Tobirama with all of the softness of a brick wall.

Tobirama isn’t used to the man being eloquent, much less polite, and he has yet to have at least one conversation with Madara that doesn’t devolve into a pissing contest. So theoretically, Tobirama should be enjoying this.

But it only seems wrong. Annoying. Not them.

He tries to recall if, maybe, their first meeting was an adequate exchange? Tobirama thinks to the day Hashirama first introduced them. Only flashes of spilled milkshakes and jibes at intelligence run through his mind, and of course that was the very first time he’d called Madara an idiot pipsqueak, receiving quite the lame ‘stuck-up dandelion’ in turn.

Unsurprising.

“Yes,” Tobirama says, taking another sip as he eyes Madara struggling on the other side of the table. Struggling to do what is the question: either sit straight, or assume a more relaxed posture, or reach towards his own drink, or avoid eye contact, even though he keeps glancing his way when he thinks Tobirama won’t notice. Tobirama does, every time, and that just makes the whole ordeal more awkward. “Nice weather,” Tobirama says, with about as much enthusiasm.

If Madara wants to play this stupid game, Tobirama will indulge. Just to see how long it takes for Madara to break and return to his blustering status quo.

“Yeah...” Madara clears his throat, eye twitching as he manages to hold Tobirama’s gaze for a commendable three seconds this time. “Hate the sun. I meanーI mean I love the sun. Ugh. It just, uh. Burns.”

It’s both saddening and funny to see Madara visibly deflate.

“Skin too sensitive, huh?” Tobirama starts small. “Just like your ego?”

Madara’s jaw clenches and his nervous look shifts into a glare before he looks away again, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to calm himself down before he flashes an unnaturally cheery smile.

“Heh, nice,” Madara grits through his teeth, “nice joke, Senju.”

Tobirama raises his eyebrow as Madara flinches at his own words.

“I’m glad you appreciate my sense of humor,” Tobirama says, barely reining in a smirk.

“Sure! You’reーyou’re funny.”

“And?”

“And what?” Madara frowns, confused.

“And what else am I?” Tobirama demands, feigning thoughtfulness. “A recent assessment of yours was that I look and act like a self-obsessed dumbass, I think.”

“No-no,” Madara blurts out, looking much a cornered animal, “I think you... you are... you look not at all so terrible today?” he finishes with a nervous chuckle, running a hand through his hair.

Tobirama wants to scream from the agony.

No. This won’t do, otherwise he might as well leave.

“Can you just call me a stuck-up asshole like you always do or recite one of those horrible limerick disses?” he demands.

Madara actually yelps. “What? No! I mean, wait.” He narrows his eyes. “Why?”

“Because you’re acting weird.”

“We’re on a date, if you were too stupーpreoccupied to get my invitation, Senju,” Madara says, jaw still clenched as he doubtless refrains from swearing, “and I’m being civil!”

That’s the advice he must have gotten from Anija, Tobirama thinks.

What a tragedy.

“Madara,” Tobirama implores, leaning his eyebrows on the table and meeting Uchiha’s gaze, “have you considered thatーI prefer it when you aren’t?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, thank fuck!” Madara slams his hands on the table, heaving a massive sigh as Tobirama laughs in relief. “I was ready to fucking die, you piece of shit! How does your brother stay so fucking kind all the time, it’s fucking torture!”

Tobirama rolls his eyes. “It’s a talent, naturally. Just like your talent at embarrassing yourself and mine at being awesome.”

“You’ve got it a little backwards, Senju,” Madara sneers, “but it’s excusable, given your level of intellect.”

“Twice as high as yours?” Tobirama parries.

“Twice as little.”

“That’s more like it,” Tobirama says, grinning despite himself, “I thought you were a decoy or something. You’ve told me to fuck off every single day since we first met and this was getting worrisome.”

Madara’s laugh is sudden, melodic, sending those irritating tingling sensations through Tobirama’s body. He makes an effort to appear outwardly calm.

“Maybe because you managed to piss me the fuck off every day that I’ve known you,” Madara scoffs, “but you’re all right sometimes. I guess.” He shrugs, feigning nonchalance even as he keeps nervously fixing and running his fingers through his hair.

A stupid, tantalizing habit. Tobirama imagines carding his own hands through the messy locks, tugging Madara’s head back toー

He forcefully aborts the thought process before he’s faced with a problem of the harder kind. “Oh, I’m sure we’ll try to strangle each other when we game together.”

“We’re playing today?” Madara asks.

Tobirama tilts his head to the side.

“You haven’t planned one gaming session after our date?”

“Um,” Madara says, blinking rapidly, “why should I be the one with the plan?”

“Because you’re the one who invited me,” Tobirama deadpans. And anyway, Madara is always the one to egg Tobirama on to gaming, which would usually only ever lead to semi-playful brawls and their fighting making Hashirama cry.

And without Anija there to assault them with his antics, Tobirama wonders what their play-fighting might lead to... and promptly shuts off those thoughts again. Control, dammit.

Madara opens his mouth, then closes it, sighs explosively and says, “All right, fair enough. But you’re the strategy pro here. And my thing is RPGs.” He smirks. “I can improvise.”

And Madara does, in fact, improvise, leading Tobirama on what he hopes is a satisfying daylong adventure. It’s strange, walking by themselves around Konoha without anyone else with them (not that they’ve taken to ignoring Hashirama and Mito anyway on their most recent group outings), free to talk about and do anything they want. Strange and perfect, the way Tobirama switches between poorly concealed bashfulness and his usual confidence, as their jokes and jibes at each other, every little prank they pull never fails to make them both laugh.

It’s perfect.

Just like Tobirama’s smile is, directed at him without any pretenses as they set off to explore the lush, gigantic forest surrounding the city, rumored to be home to mythical, many-tailed creatures. And that’s followed by their forays into an abandoned chemistry lab; the scares they get in the woods from intermittent growls coming from the shadows are nothing compared to the horror Madara feels when Tobirama insists on touching broken vials and experimental equipment, and going through doors with dilapidated ‘DANGER. CHEMICAL HAZARD’ signs.

“If we’re infected by some deadly and insidious poison,” Madara whispers as they explore the lab’s tunnels, “I’m going to fucking kill you before it does. Painfully.”

“It’s for science,” Tobirama says. “And trust me. We’re safe. I got a degree in this.”

“Youtube is practically your full-time job at this point. What the fuck else do you need?”

“The satisfaction of discovering something cool?”

“And deadly.”

"Unlikely.”

Madara groans, cursing his life, as well as his inability to say no to hisーapparentlyーnew boyfriend.

The boyfriend who’s just discovered another hidden pathway to a deeper level and has scurried off towards it like an excited five-year-old. Despite himself, despite his intent to keep complaining, Madara can’t hold back the grin tugging at his lips.

Still perfect.

Just like their lunch date which turns into a picnic by the Naka river, where Madara remembers meeting Hashirama way back when. Just like the first time Tobirama grasps his hand, fingers gently massaging it as he laughs at Madara stuttering to a stop from whatever rant he’d been on, heart in his throat and mind suddenly focused on whether his palms are too sweaty or not.

His mind goes blank. Eyes focus only on the man in front of him, whom he yearns to strangle just as often as he craves to tackle him onto any surface and ruin him completely. And it should feel wrong, it should be, only Madara hasn’t quite felt so right about anything in a long time, and with every minute they spend with their familiar bickering, just with a layer of something more behind it this time, it becomes harder and harder to deny how good being near Tobirama makes him feel. Happy. Complete.

Madara winces. Oh, gods. He’s waxing poetic now.

All worries about that fly out the window when Tobirama, without so much as a word of warning, leans in and draws Madara by his collar into a kiss.

Surprisingly, he doesn’t spring up to awaken alone in his bed like he always does, after dreams like these.

And, unsurprisingly, it turns out to be Madara’s best kiss to date.

Maybe he’s exaggerating, if just because he’s been craving this so damn much. Tobirama’s lips are hot, gentle, and welcoming against his, a curious tongue darting out to coax Madara’s lips open and deepen the kiss. The delightful drag of his tongue, his hands, rough and demanding on Madara’s chest, waist, thighsーit’s not long before he’s dizzy with it, barely holding back moans of pleasure for fear of sounding too desperate.

“Fuck,” Madara gasps as they pull away for breath, lips still touching as their eyes stay locked and he’s treated to Tobirama’s downright ravenous gaze. “That wasー”

Tobirama cuts him off with another kiss, then another, and it’s not long before they find themselves tangled in a mess of limbs and loose clothing. The hard ground presses against Madara’s back as Tobirama settles on top of him, ravaging Madara’s mouth with a passion that soon has his pants feeling too tight.

Fuck.

He groans, hips thrusting of their own accord and feeling Tobirama's own erection through the fabric.

Madara makes an immense effort to pull away, stifling a whine at the loss of contact.

“Bed,” he says, mortified at his own crudeness far too late after the word comes out. “Fuck, I meantー”

“Yes,” Tobirama growls, capturing Madara’s lips in another open-mouthed kiss before he hauls him up to start gathering their things. “Your place or mine?”

“Yours? Izuna,” Madara rasps, head too clouded to explain more in-depth, but Tobirama seems to understand.

“Anija shouldn’t be back for a while,” Tobirama says, a devastating grin on his face, “lots of time for us to play.”

Gods.

Madara scrambles to his feet fast enough to stumble, and for once, Tobirama has nothing to say about his clumsiness.

They all but crash through the front door, not even bothering to lock it as they rush through a cursory check to make sure Hashirama is out like he said he’d be.

“Fuck, thank the gods,” Tobirama sighs in relief before dragging Madara back into liplock.

Madara can’t hold back a moan this time, heat ratcheting up between them as he wraps his hands around Tobirama’s neck, pulling him closer as they stumble to the couch. Madara ends up straddling him just so that their cocks brush through too-rough clothing, kiss growing urgent and sloppy, as wandering hands touching every inch of uncovered skin.

Clothes fall away, leaving them both shirtless, and Madara needs a few moments to take in the miles of pale skin, so soft to the touch, toned muscles rippling as Tobirama squirms under him, gasps and groans escaping his lips in answer to every one of Madara’s touches. He leans in to mouth Tobirama’s neck, sucking bruising kisses onto the soft skin there pleasure flaring at the base of his stomach each time Tobirama moans and arches against him.

“You’re so sensitive,” Madara whispers, with a hint of incredulity. “That’s... fuck.”

“Yeah,” Tobirama rasps, eyes unfocused, “because... just get on with it.”

“If I knew this is what it took to finally get you to shut up,” Madara chuckles, “I would have tried this a long time ago.”

If he weren’t so sure Tobirama genuinely despised him. Butー

“I fucking wished you would!” Tobirama snaps, though the irritation rings hollow with the breathless tone.

Madara blinks in shock.

“You did?” Madara asks, moving lower to lap at Tobirama’s nipple, sucking the hardened nub into his mouth and eliciting another delicious whimper. “You thought about this? About my hands on you, touching you?”

“Yes!” The desperation in his tone only adds to Madara’s mounting confidence, one that he so rarely ever feels in Tobirama’s presence.

“My mouth on your cock,” he continues, heart hammering against his ribs as he trails kisses lower and lower, “would you like that? While I finger you, getting you ready to take me?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Tobirama’s hips jerk, making them both moan at the friction.

“Off,” Madara grunts, tugging at Tobirama’s pants with one hand as the other works the belt off his own. They scramble, a bit awkwardly, until they’re both naked and sprawled on top of each other, and Madara all but drools at the sight of Tobirama’s cock, hard and straining, beads of precum already leaking from the tip.

Perfect.

It’s tempting to just let go but Madara decides to take his time. Strokes Tobirama’s sides and chest, fingers his nipples, kisses every inch of skin he can reach, sucking bruises and biting slightly. He marvels at every little keen and groan he wrings from Tobirama, relishing how needy he grows with each second, how he moans Madara’s name, curses him and urges Madara to touch him, sliding his dick against his and huffing when Madara doesn’t do anything about it, before finally devolving into pleading.

Just what Madara’s been waiting for.

“Madara, please,” Tobirama’s whines, a soft, desperate sound that makes Madara groan in turn.

“Please what?” he asks, knowing he’s being a tease and enjoying the hell out of it.

Tobirama musters a pretty non-intimidating glare. “Just... fuck.”

“Tell me.”

“Fuck you.”

“Is that what you want?” Madara raises an eyebrow, making sure to wet his lips, letting his tongue gently graze the head of Tobirama’s cock. “I can bottom. I don’t mind.”

“Fuck!” Tobirama squeezes his eyes shut, heavy breathing interspersed with desperate whines. “Just... suck me off. Please. Now.”

“That’s it, Tobirama,” Madara drags out the syllables of his name, a smirk tugging at his lips, “when you ask so nicely, how can I refuse?”

He wraps his lipsーfinallyーaround the head, licking at the salty fluid gathered there, ears ringing from the heady feel of Tobirama’s cock against his mouth, his hands tangling in Madara’s hair, the sounds slipping from Tobirama’s lips that are borderline fucking obscene. Madara takes a breath to brace himself and takes Tobirama a few inches deeper. His length is hot, stiff, and heavy in his mouth as Madara presses the flat of his tongue against the underside, sucking hard, wringing another delectable whimper. Tobirama’s thrusts up, cock hitting the back of his throat, and Madara chokes for a moment, his own dick jerking at the sensation.

“Madara,” Tobirama breathes, “Madara, gods, you feel amazing.”

The words send another rush of pleasure through him, and Madara takes himself in hand to release some of the unbearable tension, stroking himself slowly as he relaxes his throat and sinks down to take Tobirama to the base.

Tobirama’s moan is a sweet, drawn-out melody. One that Madara enjoys making louder and louder as he starts moving, setting a fast-paced rhythm, uncaring for how debauched he may look, drool leaking out of his mouth and coating Tobirama’s cock, throat constricting around it as he takes him deep, lets him stay there, tongue gliding along his shaft. Tobirama soon devolves into barely coherent pleading, until ‘please’, and ‘more’, and Madara’s name are the only words coming out of his mouth.

It’s intoxicating. Overwhelming, far too much. Madara gives up stroking himself, the pleasure ramping up far too quickly, too soon, though Tobirama isn’t doing much better. Madara draws his lips up along his length, lapping up more precum gathered at the head, even as Tobirama’s hips jerk again and the hand in Madara’s hair tightens, urging him back down.

“Madara, please,” Tobirama keens, “I need...”

Madara has a pretty good idea of what he needs. He swirls his tongue over the head, descending again until his nose is pressed against Tobirama’s stomach. Madara swallows around him once, twice, a third time before he feels Tobirama nudging at his shoulder in a warning he doesn’t pay heed to, starting to bob his head again, wrapping his fingers around the base of Tobirama’s cock, using both his mouth and hand to bring him to completion.

“Fuck, Madara, Iー”

Madara lets out a muffled groan once he feels cum spilling against his tongue, swallowing rapidly as Tobirama’s cock pulses, again and again, through an orgasm that has him writhing and and trembling underneath him, hands tightening in Madara’s hair enough to hurt with the kind of tantalizing pain that only adds to the pleasure.

“You feel so fucking good,” Tobirama pants, watching Madara through white lashes, eyes dark and hazy as another shudder runs through him, “fuckーI want...”

Madara releases him with a wet pop. “Want what, Tobirama?” he whispers, voice too hoarse for him to speak properly.

Tobirama grips his shoulders in lieu of an answer, directing Madara to turn around so his back is pressed against his chest.

Then Tobirama’s hand wraps around his cock andーoh.

Madara has pretty much forgotten about his own pleasure, too focused on not coming too soon and making sure Tobirama was enjoying himself.

“My turn,” Tobirama murmurs against his ear, tone still breathless but with a commanding edge to it now that makes Madara shiver, “and lemmeーlet me hear you, Madara.”

Gods. He groans just from the sound of Tobirama’s voice. The feel of his teeth nibbling at his earlobe, his hand setting a quick, harsh rhythm that builds up the pleasure to impossible degrees. Tobirama’s heated skin pressed against his back, his thighs, the fingers of his other hand carding through his hair with a gentleness that contrasts with his harshness before.

It’s too much.

“Go on, Madara.”

Tobirama’s fingers swiping at the precome gathering at the head of Madara’s cock, smearing it over his shaft. His voice, a muffled whisper coaxing Madara to let go, to come for him, to say Tobirama’s nameー

“Just like that, Madara,” Tobirama grunts, “louder for me, come on.”

Madara thrusts into his grip, all but fucking into Tobirama’s fist at this point, moans his name as the heat grows unbearable the closer he gets to release.

“To-bi-rama...” He comes with a broken groan slipping from his lips as cum spills all over his stomach and Tobirama’s hand, each pulse coming stronger than the last, leaving him dizzy and boneless in Tobirama’s arms for however long it takes for his orgasm to abate.

Feels like forever. Probably a lot less. Time does seem to slow down, though, both of them collapsing against each other onto the cushions, breathing raggedly and curling into each other as Madara turns to bury his head in the crook of Tobirama’s neck.

It still seems unreal. Too perfect. So right.

They lie there for a minutes, coming down from the high, limbs tangled and lazy kisses exchanged here and there. Tobirama looks so peaceful, like Madara’s never seen him before: eyes half-lidded, hair messier than ever, sticking in every direction, skin still flushed and marked, all over, with hickeys and teeth marks, the mere sight of which has Madara’s dick stirring in interest, recent orgasm or no.

“You know,” Madara says, hands running over Tobirama’s chest, barely grazing his still sensitive nipples and making him shiver, “if this is the game you want to play, I’m really not against binging it. The rest of the dayーweekend, if you want.” Madara presses a kiss to Tobirama’s neck. “Make the playthrough as thorough as possible.” To his collarbone. “Unlock all achievements and, uh,” Madara trails his hand along Tobirama’s chest to his groin, past his length and to his ass, "explore every location.”

“If that was some thinly veiled euphemism,” Tobirama says, barely holding in laughter, “for you wanting to fuck me sideways...” Madara holds Tobirama’s gaze as his fingers hover just over Tobirama’s hole. “Then Madara, for fuck’s sake, stop trying to be subtle and get to work.”

Madara barks out a laugh.

“Whatever you say, Tobirama.”

Madara dips his voice low and deep, like he’s noticed Tobirama loves, and relishes the whimper it earns him. Relishes the way Tobirama arches against him, looking for friction, how delectable he looks, ready and responsive, so eager for Madara’s touch.

He knows then and there that if it’s up to him, Madara will do anything to make this last.

#madatobi #tobimada #modern au #youtuber au #lou writes #idiots in love #madara is in denial (and thirsting)#tobirama is laughing (and equally thirsting) from the sidelines #fluff and smut #humor #meow

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mystech-master · 6 years

Note

one thing I dont get is why people say ragna is dumb filling the typical shonen manga protagonist role of being book dumb but good at fighting, and why rachel like in chronophantasm extend where we got to see abridged version of CS mocks ragna for not heeding her warnings that ragna couldnt beat terumi when she didnt tell him about terumi creating the grimoire and being able to shut it down or being vague

Ah finally, an actual question from you.

Yeah that’s one thing I dislike about Rachel. I mean I GET that she has to be vague due to her being the Onlooker, and saying too much might count as “interfering” with someone who is as directly involved as Ragna, but she should know that she sounds like she’s just saying “You suck, you can’t win” like she always has said, and doesn’t let Ragna know what the real issue is.

I mean her and Jubei both give Ragna these cryptic warnings, almost like they expect him to KNOW all the timeloop bullshit going on (shown in Ragna’s alt ending w Jubeiand Rachel’s alt ending with him in CT). Ragna at that moment in the story, has NO reason to give a fuck about being a “Guardian of the Azure” or to give a shit about the world in any way.

Ragna’s “world” was his family: The Sister, Saya, and Jin. But that is GONE now. And to him, the world outside of that is full of assholes who treat you like hell. I mean his first years of his life are being a lab rat. I feel like this contributes greatly to his rebellious and asshole nature, those scientists wouldn’t listen to being nice or anything like that, so Ragna had to get loud and mean for them to fuck off. It is literally his survival method. But everyone is just expecting him to just let go of that, and do good just because “it’s the right thing to do.”

Think of Superman, would Supes be the same hero if he didn’t have the small town origins, and wasn’t raised by good folks like the Kents?

It’s the whole nature and nurture kind of thing, and since Ragna and his sibs are artificial humans, the nature part is kind of out the window, and the first years of their lives....they weren’t exactly “nurturing” to say the least.

It may be selfish, but you can’t just tell someone, “do the right thing” after they just went through hell/an abusive childhood”. As I learned in my economics class in high school: “Self interest that benefits others is what makes the world go ‘round.”

Stop expecting Ragna to save the world when the world has done nothing but treat him like ass outside of like 2 people, at that moment in time.

Although I will admit one thing, Ragna does also fall into the “do what I want and don’t ask questions” shit that Rachel and Kokonoe do sometimes, shown when dealing with Noel in CP and CF. When he grabbed her b/c he needed her to find Kushinada’s Lynchpin, Kagura thought he was attacking her and Ragna got captured. In CF, he was trying to reunite Noel with Mu, but b/c Noel was suppressing her Mu side she got all freaked out and Ragna was scolded. So he kind has his moments as well.

As for Intelligence, I actually had a HC for that. I remembered a quote from Einstein that said:

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

So that got me thinking, what kind of intelligence does Ragna fit into?

As some of us know, there are the 9 Types of intelligence. And the one I thin Ragna fits into best is Naturalist Intelligence.

My evidence:

1. He grew up with Jubei in the wild during his late adolescence and early adulthood, where this kind of Intelligence could grow

2. cooking is an ability which matches with this kind of intelligence, which happens to be Ragna’s hobby

3. Some of the characteristics of Naturalist Intelligent people:

being comfortable with animals. In Ragna’s case: cats. As I have mentioned like ten times before, the Kaka Clan is where he was the most chill in the whole series.

Having keen senses (sight, hearing, sense of touch and smell, and may even have a well developed “sixth sense”), needed for a guy so deep in combat, and said “sixth sense” was show in CT when he sense Jubei, or even in BBTAG when he sensed Ruby’s “bloodlust”

Learns though natural contact....which I believe can also fit into “Live and Learn”, I mean one type of learning is kinisthetic learning, where you actually need to experience/do something in order to learn. Many protags seem to be like this because they, and also we the audience, need to see exactly how shit happens and works in the show/game/movie.

and 4. This mostly comes from the anime, the episode with Lambda (the one everyone agrees was one of the few good things about it), not only was he able to identify that the Tartar from Arakune got food or nutrition AND that the big blob was like his own little ecosystem (when any other dumbass protag might’ve just said he was filthy and had bugs...I mean I would’ve thought that and I don’t think I’m stupid), BUT was able to know that Aqualeaf (the plant he used to help the Tartar...which btw ties into the animal thing I mentioned) was able to grow around that area. Which MIGHT imply that he is familiar with what plants grow in what environment at what altitude.

He might not be able to understand feelings, complex math equations, or half the shit that Rachel says (seriously in almost every scene with her I learn a new word or phrase), but that doesn’t mean he’s stupid. His intelligence just lies in other areas.

I mean if the guy had some positive encouragement and some time to actually develop this type of intelligence, he surprise some people.

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itadori-san · 3 years

Note

hi its me again !! sorry for the late response too ugh projects are killing me rn TT

oooh soonjihan ! i have an irl friend who's bias line is soonjihan too omg😭

honestly i won't complain if its soonjiHAN cause i have the same scenario with hao he's on my mind all the time it's annoying /j😔

i actually stan a bunch too. i started way back 2017 with exo, bts, twice, bp, then txt, svt, itzy, skz, aespa, enhypen, astro, gfriend, and kep1er ! wow that's actually quite alot

btw i dont listen to nct but i listened to sticker bcz of the controversies on tiktok and honestly its not bad but OMG FR THE FLUTE? we have the same reaction that was unnecessary

also i dont have an aesthetic when it comes to fashion cause i tend to try out diff fashion styles but generally with how i act ig and with how i want my room to look like TT, I'd say its academia (any types !) fun fact my fave color is beige ^^

what about you? also first comeback and fav comeback?

-secret carat <33

hello carat anonie <333 i'm v sorry for the late reply i didn't want to half ass the response :maelt:

i hope you're taking enough breaks and drinking enough water !! projects are the worst <///3

that's another soonjihan stan on the list 😭😭😭 it kind of is <3 like a plague sometimes <3

ALSO 100% AGREE YOON JEONGHAN IS THE MOST ANNOYING BEING ON THE PLANET WHAT A RAT /j but like fr tho why do they make the pretty ones the least toleratable (?)

i started in 2017 too!! and i'm a casual listener to some of the ones you mentioned skdhkdbd also not at the strike through on gfriend <//3 rip they will be missed i didn't watch girls 999 tho so idk much about kep1er 😭😭😭

i joined the nct fandom exactly when superhuman came out and then it was too late to leave skdjdkjd they had an album release today and it's actually pretty okay!!!

i just literally wear sweats 24/7 sjdhjd i don't think i'd like how i look in the sense of fashion that's in my head skdnnd i love that you're v academia!! light academia is one of my favourites <333 also beige >>>>

first comeback : left and right!! i'm a babie carat skdnjdbd

fav comeback : MANSAE I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT THE FEELS THE MV THE ERA THE CONCEPT AND IT GAVE US OFD 13 CASTAWAY BOYS IT'S THE BESTEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO THE UNIVERSE (also i will cry for another era like teen;age with a lot of mixed units 😭)

what about you!! also what's your favourite gose moment(s)!!

#n.asks #from: secret carat <3

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ksbwnotes · 3 years

Text

Chapter 5

...reading this drains my soul...OTL <-- Me crawling forward in the same way I keep making myself read the chapters lol

1. Seriously, why Bum

Well, I say that, but the more I think of it, the more I can see other people reacting similarly, even if that wouldn’t be the common response. Bum doesn’t really know what else to do but follow Sangwoo’s orders and he does increase his chances of survival in the long run if he just does what Sangwoo says. He might die from the rat poison, but he definitely will end up getting something broken/cut off if he disobeys Sangwoo.

Also, Bum doesn’t just have BPD (because if it was just that, honestly, Bum doesn’t fit the criteria from what I’ve seen), he has dp/dr disorder, psychosis, and complex PTSD. So I think all of that mixed together, it really effects the way he sees things, which explains his less...sensical conclusions.

But that’s just a realistic outlook. From a more personally entertaining one, it’s kind of like Bum has this block that keeps him from doing things like lashing out at Sangwoo.

If Sangwoo ended up eating the poison, Bum could allay responsibility by saying “well, that’s his fault for falling for it, I gave all possible clues that I poisoned it after all”, which could give another angle as to why he reacted so obviously. This is Bum’s way of keeping what little sanity he has in tact, even if it does mean staying with Sangwoo. I dunno, I have a lot of thoughts on KS and I have no clue on how to dump them all out in a way that would make fkkn sense...because, actually, a lot of them disconnect and branch off into alternatives, so are technically separate from each other, which ends up confusing me lol.

2. Ohhhh okay

Oh this is why Sangwoo called Bum ugly...he also called him a bunch of other stuff earlier, but the ugly part--just contained to this scene--is also spurred by how Bum tried to poison him.

It also does makes sense because Sangwoo knows that, even if someone smiles at him in the way Bum does, it can’t mean anything good because he KNOWS he has done nothing to deserve Bum’s smile.

And I dunno, the way Sangwoo ensures that Bum swallows it, reading Bum’s intentions to not swallow (which...how were you going to make that happen, Bum) and silently giving a physical warning to make sure he does swallow as punishment for what he tried to do.

To be honest, now that I know Sangwoo’s mom killed the dad via poisoning, I’m surprised that this wasn’t a trigger for Sangwoo. He beat Bum up for dropping plates, so why didn’t Bum trying to off him the way his mom offed his dad send Sangwoo off the deep end?

3. Wait, so what happened after this???

Did...obviously Sangwoo didn’t actually...finish eating it right?? So what the heck, what did they do after this? Why is it that Sangwoo is just...treating everything normally? I mean, he didn’t make Bum cook something different, but he had to have eaten something...but he wasn’t angry at Bum ruining dinner??? No seriously, there’s a huge gaping hole in plot here.

Bum listening to Sangwoo’s orders actually did end up saving Bum. It appeased Sangwoo. Maybe because they were able to get past this pretending that everything was ‘normal’? In a way, it’s like Sangwoo is saying ‘Yeah, I don’t blame you for trying to poison me. Thank you for being so goddamn obvious about it, btw. It was like you were trying to save me hahah.’

4. ...Did...

...Did Sangwoo just call the radio station he always has on in his house to ask them to play that song??

Seriously, it’s like everything Sangwoo does just shows how trapped he is in the past.

5. No seriously

What does Sangwoo DO in that basement???

6. Oh hey, the first time he does this

Like when Bum later tries to kill himself, Sangwoo is about to put him back in the downstairs bedroom, changes his mind, then brings him upstairs to his bedroom.

So in here, he does the same because Bum is injured THE SAME WAY HE WAS TRYING TO KILL SANGWOO, but Sangwoo still decides to take care of him in a better way. He no longer doesn’t think it’s “right” for Bum to be in the basement, Bum has no place there anymore.

And it shows that Sangwoo is really just...reactionary. He really means it when he later tells Bum “I don’t plan things” because...gahdang, man. The way he just reacts to his environment is really split second, it’s kind of unnerving and it really contributes to the worsening of his PTSD.

7. Oh my god Sangwoo

Wth is going through your brain, seriously.

Okay wait, now that I’ve gone through more chapters and got to point #11, maybe Sangwoo is just...confused as fuck. As in, why Bum is this way. Since we later see Sangwoo treating Bum only after he tries to kill himself, then maybe Bum actually took the poison himself and here we see the aftereffects of the ‘suicide’. So maybe this is just an early parallel to what Bum will outright be doing in the future.

This also explains why, in earlier panels before collapsing, Bum is asking himself “what’s happening”, because him and Sangwoo ate the rat poison, but there was no reaction, so he maybe thought that it wasn’t enough or the rat poison was just regular salt pills or something. I don’t freaking know.

8. Wow, Sangwoo really going the extra mile here

I can assume that Bum actually vomited in the bucket, but it’s clean, implying that Sangwoo actually cleaned it up for him.

9. Okay...?

So either Bum is having auditory hallucinations or Sangwoo brought back his next hunt.

So that could be another reason why Sangwoo doesn’t think Bum belongs in the basement, because he’s no longer the ‘prey’ that Sangwoo reserves that basement for. Bum means more than them.

10. *squints* is that...not blood??

Saliva? Tears? Sweat?? Water from washing dishes??? jfc

11. “Are you okay?” *WHEEZE*

I love how Koogi does not reveal whether Bum means that in a “shouldn’t you be sick too” or a “I hope you’re not sick” and...seriously, I’m just really confused at what’s going on.

Does this mean that Sangwoo DID eat the soup and whatnot??@?!?!?!?!?! WAS BUM PUTTING THE GODDAMN RAT PILLS JUST HIS IMAGINATION!?!?!??! I’M. I’M SO CONFUSED!?!??!?! IS THAT WHY SANGWOO IS TREATING HIM SO NICELY???? BECAUSE HE THOUGHT BUM WAS TRYING TO POISON HIM, BUT ACTUALLY THAT WASN’T WHAT BUM DID!?!?!?!?!?! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY GAPS, KOOGI, YOU’RE REALLY JUST TRYING TO FUCK WITH OUR BRAINS HERE HUH (i seriously and sincerely applaud you).

12. ...*stares off into the distance*

What goes through your head whenever you end up asking these things, Bum?

13. I genuinely do think Sangwoo is fine with this

Even though there are parts of Sangwoo that are confusing--because he can be impulsive--for the most part, it’s easy to see what parts will trigger him or not. I think Bum being genuinely interested in Sangwoo and pleading for things that have the “let me be with you” vibe is what Sangwoo wants all along, so it won’t trigger him.

But that’s only if Bum does things like stop trembling and actually looking like he wants to be with Sangwoo, since Sangwoo can very accurately read Bum’s body language and what not.

14. Wait, sir, you are a fkkn unreliable narrator

Uhm...they died in a homicide three years ago, Sangwoo...that was when you were 21/22...are you saying the last time you sat at the little table with your mom, your dad overlooking you, was during high school??? I cannot trust your explanations lol.

15. First look into Sangwoo’s childhood abuse

Huh, this entire thing is interesting because it makes me go at an entirely different angle than what ended up actually happening at the end.

If I read this webtoon while it was being updated, I would’ve never come to the conclusions I’m coming up with now because the ending gives the story an entirely different conclusion.

For one, if it really is the run of the mill domestic violence situation, I honestly don’t think Sangwoo would be killing women the way he is now. There was something else to these memories. Something that was so much sinister than what happened growing up with his father, that it completely broke Sangwoo in a way that his father’s abuse did not. Something that he can never say until his madness ran so deep, that he could no longer suppress those memories.

The one we see here, with the table, was actually the least worse of Sangwoo’s memories. That is why he is able to bring it up, even in a fond a way. Because, in a way, these were Sangwoo’s happiest memories. The least painful ones. The safest of them.

That is why, as we get further in the story, we can see the descent into the truth of Sangwoo’s path directly correlating to how he is destroying himself in real time (I just wanna know when that occurs, because obviously, Bum is the catalyst for Sangwoo’s destruction).

16. Ooooh, Koogi’s art

I love the dichotomy between Sangwoo’s mom (Eunsoo???) and Sangwoo’s appearance. Eunsoo (even if it’s wrong, it’s easier just to type this lol) doesn’t actually acknowledge or see the reality before her, but her mouth is wide open in fear to show how she is still reacting to it. Sangwoo, on the other hand, only has his eye drawn because he does see the reality before himself. But because he’s powerless and he knows that using his words/making sounds will do nothing or even make the situation worse, he is mouthless.

17. “someone like you”

Honestly, for me, this was more derogatory than Sangwoo calling Bum ‘ugly’ and a ‘loser’. Here, it’s like acknowledging Bum is worthless that, if it weren’t for current circumstances, he would’ve never opened up to Bum like this. It’s just that Sangwoo has no better alternative, so he has no choice but to rely on Bum. This type of tone carries on throughout the series, where it’s obvious that Sangwoo is only with Bum because he would literally have no one else by his side.

In another way, Sangwoo is saying that an abusive serial killer is the only type of person that could ever be with “someone like” Bum.

18. Wait what??

Uh so this is the immediate reply after Bum saying sorry and...I honestly am at a loss over what Sangwoo means by this.

19. Hmmmn...

Well, knowing that I know now, Sangwoo is saying this because he doesn’t want Bum to do this to himself and this is the only way he knows how to show his concern and desire to keep Bum alive.

When Sangwoo is verbally abusing here, it seems to have a different vibe than the other times. I can’t really explain why without having to look back at my other notes, but when Sangwoo says things “I hate guys like you the most”, it’s his way of deterring Bum from trying to hurt himself again.

And honestly, if I’m right and Bum actually swallowed the rat pills himself, then Sangwoo is thinking Bum was actually trying to kill himself and that is what spurred him even more into making these comments.

20. l;earjgiejario;gejrogjreagpjrea’ fucking hell

This is more deranged when you know HIS MOM’S CORPSE IS LITERALLY BEHIND THE WALL IN THE LIVING ROOM HAHAHHAH.

21. UhhhhHHHHHHHH

that...that ISN’T A GOOD THING THOUGH SANGWOO. You'RE NOT DEALING WITH THE TRAUMA, YOU’RE JUST BURYING IT TO LET THE WOUNDS FESTER AND COME OUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY. PLEASE SANGWOO.

“Why? How? I looked for the reason. And then I saw you. You might’ve been sprawled in the basement, but the fact that we were together made me feel relieved. And I’m even being loved! That makes me feel so strong. You wanted to know what you should do right? *kisses Bum’s wrist* I wonder if this is a good enough answer.”

...Honestly, I do not have the energy to parse out my thoughts on this matter. Not right now. :’)

22. *rubs hand over face* And here comes the hard part

It actually is interesting that Sangwoo still kisses Bum despite the fact that he has been vomiting the whole day and didn’t actually brush his teeth.

He complained about Bum’s leg hair, so I would’ve expected Sangwoo to grimace and say that Bum was right. However, he didn’t. Actually, Bum’s reaction might’ve even made Sangwoo want to kiss him more (Bum blushing, obviously wanting to kiss, but trying to think of Sangwoo and worrying about being too gross).

In a way, I do think this is all of Sangwoo’s way of trying to ensure Bum doesn’t leave him. He’s trying to ensure Bum doesn’t try to kill himself, to a point where he’ll give Bum some semblance of romantic love even if he himself doesn’t feel that. Because desperation to not be alone--to have someone who can love him unconditionally in the way he has never been loved--is different from truly want to be with someone.

He’s using sex and romance as weapons to keep Bum, because he has never seen either used as anything healthy.

23. UggggghhhHHHHHHHHH

Honestly, the hardest part for me to go through is the sexual/romantic parts between Sangwoo and Bum. 😂 Because those are things that are supposed to only be between people who love, respect, and trust each other, and those two up there are so far from that those are not even an option for them.

Like seriously, this was the part I was dreading reading, but I’m scared about missing a detail that’s important to the rest of the story.

And honestly, the thing that pains me the most is Bum’s response. He really loses himself whenever pleasure is involved. He is so low on feel-good neurotransmitters that he can lose himself in something like this and it really hurts because it makes everything so much worse and I’M DYING.

24. *wheeze*

Okay, but this reaction actually made reading this less painful xD I’m dying for a different reason lol

So another poster did mention how this harkens to him most likely having a oral-based trauma. And considering how his mom did rape him before killing herself, this is a very, very likely possibility.

I also don’t think this connects to him *ahem* “not being gay” because, honestly, getting a blow job doesn’t have to necessarily come from a female. Arguments can be made that a straight man can accept BJs from men.

But either way, I frkkn agree with Sangwoo because Bum is SCARY. Like. Bum wanting to give Sangwoo a BJ honestly terrifies me too. And it cracks me up that Sangwoo genuinely looks unnerved and confused by Bum’s reaction, it’s hilarious.

OH WAIT.

Continuing on, Sangwoo allows Bum to touch his dick?? Huh. I dunno, maybe I just have a screwed perception, but touch seems like more...intimate than a BJ? BJ has a more superior vibe to it that can easier objectify the giver. So Sangwoo refusing one does support more of the oral-trauma theory.

25. Ooooh??

I think it’s really interesting that Koogi decided to not draw Sangwoo’s expression here.

It really does seem like Sangwoo is only doing this because it’s a way to keep Bum with him. Later, as we see him get more sexual with Bum, we also see him lose more and more of himself to the trauma with his mom.

26. Okay but this blush

Awh...he could’ve been such a cutie pie...:’) Seriously, Sangwoo could’ve been such a good person, both him and Bum could’ve, so it really breaks me knowing that they couldn’t be.

Anyways, I don’t think this blush is in response to the hand job. I do think that the reason why Koogi didn’t show his expression is because Sangwoo was dissociating from the situation. Later, we see him confusing Bum with his mom during sexual moments, so I don’t even think Sangwoo enjoys sex with women. There is too much trauma for him to enjoy sex in general. If I’m correct (I might be able to see it more once we see Jieun), then Sangwoo can only have sex without dissociating if it’s violent and unhealthy.

The moment he feels pleasure, his mind blanks out. The moment he feels happiness, he tries to destroy it. The moment he feels ‘normal’, his psyche breaks even further. And Bum makes it worse because--as you see here, he doesn’t actually pay attention to anything else but his own pleasure--and he takes things face-value so that he doesn’t have to deal with the consequences. Bum is just as messed up as Sangwoo, only in a different way, so they both bring out the worst from each other. Which is difficult because the only time they can ‘feel’ the best is with each other.

Anyways, I think this blush is because of what Bum said: “I wish we could mix together like this”...with...the sperm. God Bum, you’re killing me.

Anyways, Sangwoo’s reaction is due more to the romantic aspect, with the thought of him and Bum being together forever. For that to happen, he’s willing to let his relationship with Bum be sexual despite how he can’t have a healthy sexual relationship.

Yeah, okay, it was important for me not to skip that part, I can accept defeat. OTL

#chapter 5 #volume 1

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darrycurtises · 7 years

Note

Tim x Dally

listen i’ve never read anything abt this ship, i don’t know anything abt the shepards, i went into this blind im so sorry

there’s no warnings btw this is v domestic

Who hogs the duvet? Dallas

Who texts or rings to see how each their day is going? well dallas calls tim a lot but it’s mostly to bitch about his own problems so he rants for like 10 mins and tim is just like “i’m having a swell day, thanks for asking” aND THEN thats when dallas is like “aight how r u”

Who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts? Tim

Who gets up first in the morning? also tim. dallas is a literal dragon before 1pm

Who suggests new things in bed? they both do tbh

Who cries at movies? u think either of these boys is gonna sit around and watch a movie and be invested enough to cry at it? i don’t think so.

Who gives unprompted massages? tim but only when he thinks he’s gonna get it

Who fusses over the other when they’re sick? ,,,tim? but like “fusses” in his own way like dallas is the type to be like crawling on the floor with a 10000000 degree fever and be like “IM FINE” so tim’s like “eat ur chicken soup u dumb fuck” theyre both rlly bad abt showing emotion w/out cussing at least

Who gets jealous the easiest? DALLAS

Who has the most embarrassing taste in music? modern dallas likes nickelback thats all u need to kno my guys

Who collects something unusual? tim’s a fucking pack rat he needs to chill

Who takes the longest to get ready? tim, and he makes fun of dallas for not caring abt his appearance. thus, his adoring nickname was born (it’s “garbage angel”)

Who is the most tidy/organized? tim

Who gets the most excited about holidays? dallas but only bc he gets to mooch off people’s leftovers that boy’s got a hollow leg i swea to gawd

Who’s the big spoon/little spoon? dallas is the big even tho hes shorter bc he has an ego problem :///

Who gets the most competitive in sports/games? they’ll compete w each other over who’s more competitive it’s horrible

Who starts most of the arguments? listen,,, dallASS

Who suggests they buy a pet? they’re both dumb but they know enough that they shouldn’t get a pet bc they’d forget to feed it

What couple traditions do they have? i don’t even know they just like wreak havoc together

What tv shows do they watch together? literally just guilty pleasure shows. “days of our lives” sort of shit. soap operas. they took a week and watched the entirety of degrassi bc they have shit taste

What other couple do they hang out with? they’re the obnoxious couple so they try to hang out with literally everyone but they just get “im busy srry:/”

How they spend time together as a couple? sometimes they get put in the same jail cell

Who made the first move? tim

Who brings flowers home?

tim: “here i brought u these”

dallas: “these r weeds”

tim: “u want them or nah?”

dallas: “yeah i do thanks babe”

Who is the best cook? tim

thank u for requesting lovebug i’m sorry if these are no bueno and also sorry they took ten years to finish

#i was so lost w this ship ive never read anything about it im sorry #the outsiders #the outsiders headcanons #dallas winston #dally winston #tim shepard #tim x dallas #whats that ship name #tallas #dim #OK IT'S OFFICIALLY DIM GUYS ITS DIM #ask #answered #anonymous #hell post

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hgfstreamchats · 6 years

Text

Cool Cat Saves the Kids

Lusey: it was a fun little party ^^ thenightetc: Thank you for hosting! Starscreamapillar: Thank you for hosting. thenightetc: And goodnight. Knock Out: Of course! Knock Out: Goodnight, everyone. thenightetc: Ratties! Knock Out: Hello there, night human! thebes: My goodness how cute! thebes: Also, hello! Knock Out: Hello, thebes human! thenightetc: They're so... small. thenightetc: I need 20 of these righ tnow. Knock Out: So, do they have tiny little human hands or do you all have oversized rat hands? How does that work? thenightetc: Neither, they have tiny racoon hands. thebes: precisely Knock Out: I feel educated. caffienatedconfetti: I WAS IN THE BATH WHEN I HEARD THE NEWS OF COOL CAT Knock Out: You heard right! caffienatedconfetti: I GOT HERE AS QUICKLY AS I COULD

caffienatedconfetti: what is this thenightetc: Art. caffienatedconfetti: this is insanity, rats don't eat in tiny chairs thenightetc: So I hear we're in for a treat! Knock Out: Some might call it that. caffienatedconfetti: daddy derek's demon spawn caffienatedconfetti: in this house, we call it Daddy Derek's Unholy Demon Offspring Knock Out: I'd just like to take this opportunity to point out that the stream doors are now locked. caffienatedconfetti: poor child thebes: What auses me most is how some por soul had to go shopping for fursuit-ized clothes thebes: fursuit-sized thenightetc: Or make them, I mean why not caffienatedconfetti: why did he have to rop children into this caffienatedconfetti: they didn't ask for this caffienatedconfetti: kILL IT WITH FIRE thebes: pity the child actors thebes: for they have crap agents caffienatedconfetti: it's a PRINTED SIGN, why would it need finishing touches thenightetc: They should have made it an animated cat. caffienatedconfetti: YOU'RE NOT HOLDING ANYTHING caffienatedconfetti: he is absolutely gonna murder her thebes: they didn't have teh budget for animation. They did, however, apparently have a fursuit lying around thenightetc: Look at those cold, dead eyes caffienatedconfetti: BWOOP! STALKER ALERT! caffienatedconfetti: i sense sarcasm caffienatedconfetti: o lord caffienatedconfetti: why the laugh caffienatedconfetti: the laugh wasn't needed caffienatedconfetti: that sounds like a scam you idiot thenightetc: SURE. caffienatedconfetti: ...ewwwww Knock Out: Cool Cat is a fountain of bad advice. caffienatedconfetti: eeeewaWWWW caffienatedconfetti: EEW thenightetc: uhhhhhhhh thebes: Just listen to this organic, flowing dialogue. Flawless, I tell you caffienatedconfetti: i feel unclean thenightetc: Do her parents know about her "friend" caffienatedconfetti: why this caffienatedconfetti: his name is BUTCH caffienatedconfetti: BUTCH thenightetc: Well, don't just sit there! Run him down! caffienatedconfetti: well, at least his name isn't Chad caffienatedconfetti: how can he be school president, he's a thirty year old man in a cat suit thebes: You know what really gets me about this failure fiesta? it's an adaptation. caffienatedconfetti: .....daddy? thenightetc: Ain't no rule that says a thirty year old man in a cat suit can't be school president! Knock Out: Does your society normally let people like this near schools? caffienatedconfetti: the best part is soon approaching caffienatedconfetti: watch the background caffienatedconfetti: closely thebes: We don't want to but they have to do it in front of witnesses before we can stop them caffienatedconfetti: side note, why are they brooklyn caffienatedconfetti: why this caffienatedconfetti: you can build a sandcastle WITH YOUR HANDS caffienatedconfetti: seriously watch the background, this is gonna be great thenightetc: shut up you're like twelve caffienatedconfetti: ....EW caffienatedconfetti: EW caffienatedconfetti: watch closely caffienatedconfetti: WATCH caffienatedconfetti: did you see Knock Out: Best character in the movie. caffienatedconfetti: the guy walked out of his house, saw cool cat, and backed up slowly thenightetc: ...I didn't see, what happened? thenightetc: Oh! caffienatedconfetti: WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING thenightetc: "but if you're trying to impress someone, feel free to do whatever" thebes: So many bad ideas at once caffienatedconfetti: YOU HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL INSIDE YOU thenightetc: Is it a xenomorph caffienatedconfetti: oh my god it's daddy derek Knock Out: I like how they didn't eat any of it. thenightetc: PFFFFFFFFFF caffienatedconfetti: hOO0OHOO MY LORD caffienatedconfetti: NO caffienatedconfetti: THEIR LAST NAME IS LITERALLY CAT caffienatedconfetti: HIS WIFE IS A CAT thenightetc: His "wife"? A cat. Knock Out: """""Wife""""" caffienatedconfetti: EWEWEWEW caffienatedconfetti: end my life thebes: Daddy Derek has absolutely no problems with implying he had biological offspring with a giant cat thenightetc: I mean, now we have Bojack Horseman, so in a way this is just ahead of its time caffienatedconfetti: or he's just a very kinky *** thenightetc: He has a "cool cat is the coolest" sign on his bed caffienatedconfetti: IGNORE HIM caffienatedconfetti: IGNORE HIM Knock Out: He makes *me* look modest. Starscreamapillar: The slag is this? caffienatedconfetti: sin caffienatedconfetti: ohwait caffienatedconfetti: i forgot caffienatedconfetti: it's Daddy Derek's Demon Spawn Knock Out: Too late to back out now, Starscream. Knock Out: Also, hello. caffienatedconfetti: the cat's voice is almost as unpleasant as yours Starscreamapillar: Ha. caffienatedconfetti: NICE EDITING, NERD caffienatedconfetti: TELL YOUR PARENTS YOU IDIOT thenightetc: And they can tell HIS parents all about how their kid's a little criminal Knock Out: Or whatever those people are to you. caffienatedconfetti: he's not a criminjal he's just an afy caffienatedconfetti: aft thenightetc: Vandalism, though! caffienatedconfetti: he's like 10 Starscreamapillar: Are you certain? caffienatedconfetti: his name is 'Butch' caffienatedconfetti: and he has a chubby baby face thenightetc: DOG thenightetc: It's a dog! thenightetc: TWO dogs! caffienatedconfetti: DOG caffienatedconfetti: aww the dog is gone caffienatedconfetti: """"FUNHOUSE""" Starscreamapillar: I do not want to go to the funhouse. caffienatedconfetti: it's code for "sex dungeon" thenightetc: "mom and dad" wait who's this guy, then caffienatedconfetti: daddy derek thenightetc: Oh gosh, they're in the same frame. They DID spring for two costumes! thebes: btw, they only had the one costume for Cool Cat, so they had to splitscreen this bit caffienatedconfetti: ooo caffienatedconfetti: so they DID have just one costume thenightetc: ...What. caffienatedconfetti: OW thenightetc: Are you serious, because that's hilarious caffienatedconfetti: OW Starscreamapillar: That phone does not date this at all. thebes: yeah, after they shot all the col cat scenes they went back and swapped out the t-shirt for a dress and badly applied lipstick caffienatedconfetti: it's not real lipstick caffienatedconfetti: they're cloth lips Starscreamapillar: Does he have a shirt with himself on it? thebes: I know, but they look they crap regardless thenightetc: can't relate caffienatedconfetti: he has many shirts with himself on them thebes: look like crap, meant thenightetc: God, that bathroom is HUGE caffienatedconfetti: nice edit, nerd caffienatedconfetti: sexismmmm thebes: clearly someone thinks human women can't compare to perfect cat housewives caffienatedconfetti: nice typing, nerd Starscreamapillar: Cool Cat loves to wear your skin. Knock Out: Hah! thenightetc: My eye keeps being drawn by that "Cool cat loves you!" sign caffienatedconfetti: Cool Cats wants to be inside you thenightetc: Did they cover up the Apple logo with the Cool Cat sticker caffienatedconfetti: probs thebes: MUSICAL NUMBER ENGAGE thenightetc: Actually, I can see why Apple wouldn't want to be associated with this caffienatedconfetti: no one wants to be assosiacted with this Starscreamapillar: Eploding from the inside out was in fact, less painful than this musical number. Knock Out: He's swinging that guitar around like he's trying to fend off a swarm of bees. caffienatedconfetti: remove the bees thenightetc: oh no Starscreamapillar: . . . . Knock Out: ... caffienatedconfetti: got nothing, huh? caffienatedconfetti: i've seen starscream dance, he ain't much better thenightetc: This music is familiar caffienatedconfetti: admittedly, he didn't have horrible greenscreens Starscreamapillar: An alternate perhaps, but not me. thenightetc: I mean, not while he's singing, but Knock Out: That's a base libel on Starscream. caffienatedconfetti: https://img00.deviantart.net/94c9/i/2012/352/2/0/tfp___starscream_dancing_by_flyscream-d5oes9l.png Starscreamapillar: Ah yes, the slender alternate. caffienatedconfetti: ohhh are you boxyverse? Starscreamapillar: No, I believe my universe is called 'Tyran' in the multiverse. caffienatedconfetti: tyran... hm thenightetc: Ahhhh. caffienatedconfetti: not much into the transformers multiverse, haven't watched any of the shows or read the comis in a while thenightetc: What if they just left him in that greeenscrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrwhat caffienatedconfetti: oh my god are you bayverse Knock Out: Somebody save those cars. caffienatedconfetti: please tell me you're not bayverse caffienatedconfetti: it's all that comes up when i google it Starscreamapillar: Sometimes it is referred to Bayverse, yes. caffienatedconfetti: OH MY GOD] caffienatedconfetti: HAHAHAHA caffienatedconfetti: did they add in screaming children thenightetc: I feel like this story has gone wildly off the rails caffienatedconfetti: also, forgot to add, my urge to sass starscream has never been stronger thebes: it had rais? caffienatedconfetti: knowing that he's is from the world of Face Eating Prime Knock Out: This story could't have less to do with anything. caffienatedconfetti: jesus the bayverse bots look like someone upended a truckload of car and plane parts into a bipedal shape Starscreamapillar: Weirder things have occured than Prime's killing sprees and collection of ripped off faces. caffienatedconfetti: it's been forever since i saw the movie caffienatedconfetti: i only saw the first one caffienatedconfetti: ohohoOHOHOHO MY GOD YOU HAVE TEETH, THEY LOOK LIKE GOPHER TEETH caffienatedconfetti: to be fair, the others aren't much better Starscreamapillar: Because your own teeth are surely so much more sensible. caffienatedconfetti: at least mine are straight, nerd thenightetc: So is the bullying plotline coming back, or is this just about how "great" Cool Cat is now caffienatedconfetti: noonoooONONONO EW caffienatedconfetti: EWEWWEWEWW caffienatedconfetti: EWEEWW thebes: SO WE NOW KNOW SOMEONE SAT DOWN AND WROTE THAT FOR A KIDS MOVIE caffienatedconfetti: specifically, daddy derek wrote it thenightetc: Oh, you know! Just a little something for the parents. caffienatedconfetti: my mom gave me a bayverse optimus toy by mistake Starscreamapillar: The bully returns? caffienatedconfetti: i buried it in the mud where it belongs lol caffienatedconfetti: nice grammar nerd Starscreamapillar: The cat could just stand up, and kick the bully in the face. caffienatedconfetti: he is a thirty year old man in a cat suit, i'm pretty sure he can overpower a small chubby 12 year old thenightetc: PFFF Starscreamapillar: Lies on the internet? Who ever heard of such a thing. thenightetc: Surely not. thenightetc: And if he were a real cat that size, he could just eat the bully thenightetc: Or like, half of him. Leave the rest on his parents' porch caffienatedconfetti: yes caffienatedconfetti: accuracy caffienatedconfetti: oh lord he has eyebrows caffienatedconfetti: BEAT HIS ***\ caffienatedconfetti: i can't stay guys, gotta go take the dogs out and get to bed thenightetc: Now that you've drawn my attention to those lips I can't look away. :( caffienatedconfetti: lol caffienatedconfetti: night yall caffienatedconfetti: starscream, do something about those teeth thenightetc: He's going to call him WHAT Starscreamapillar: Get slagged. caffienatedconfetti: love you too! thenightetc: Goodnight caffienatedconfetti: night@ Knock Out: Good night, caffienated human! caffienatedconfetti: knockout can give you beauty tips ehehhehe thenightetc: Fish swim upstream to spawn. So... thenightetc: Is this poem about a fish orgy Knock Out: I like his broad daylight bedtime Starscreamapillar: Their neighbours must hate this weirdo in a cat costume screaming in the backyard all day about fish. Knock Out: A lot of "friends." thenightetc: They just have a fire extinguisher mounted in the corner thenightetc: In the hall thenightetc: Haha, it falls over thenightetc: And now it's mysteriously back upright Knock Out: Oh Unicron, no! thenightetc: How Do You Do Fellow Teens thebes: It just keeps GOING Starscreamapillar: How long is this nightmare? Knock Out: The ride never ends. thenightetc: "Hey, this costume doesn't have any teeth. Do we really need a tooth-brushing scene?" "Just fake it, it'll be fine" thenightetc: Oh, oh! thenightetc: Is this the one that ends with the bully getting run over? Starscreamapillar: He loves to eat babies. thenightetc: Eat him, Cool CAt! Starscreamapillar: So they take him away. thenightetc: "where are your parents, kid" Knock Out: Wasn't the human who played the shady police man a porn star? thenightetc: What's shady about arresting some child who you didn't see committing any crimes? Starscreamapillar: He didn't arrest him, he just placed him in his car, and took him away. Probably to the 'Funhouse' thenightetc: Lucky stick? Starscreamapillar: The traditional treasure poking stick. thebes: this special runs off of wrong ideas Starscreamapillar: Maybe they find a corpse. thenightetc: Ha! Knock Out: "Fat time?" Starscreamapillar: Tell me that bully shoots himself. Knock Out: Or shoots Cool Cat. thenightetc: That would be a hilarious twist Starscreamapillar: Yes, handle that evidence with your bare hands. thenightetc: I'm sure a random gun somebody threw in the bushes wasn't used in a crime or anything, come on. thenightetc: Isn't it a bit unfair for an adult to enter a contest for children Knock Out: Incredibly so. Starscreamapillar: To be fair, he seems developmentaly challenged. thenightetc: "Violence solves everything" Starscreamapillar: Primus, there's more... thenightetc: Uh oh Knock Out: No, but we can't sign off without watching this. thenightetc: Uhhhh Starscreamapillar: Excellent. Knock Out: And there you have it. thenightetc: A happy ending Starscreamapillar: I shall never rest easily again. Knock Out: Mission accomplished. thebes: that was several times too long for that plot Starscreamapillar: Thank you for hosting this evening's nightmare fuel, I cannot say why I kee coming back. Until next time. thenightetc: Goodnight! Knock Out: Good night, everyone! thenightetc: You do spoil us with these. thebes: good night!

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