#literally what's so wrong with me that i can't even get a low paying position. what i have i done so wrong that places that require no expe

[snowangeled]

i;m literally so fucking done i've been trying to get a job for over a year like i've been looking nearly every day and applying everywhere i fucking can but i still haven't gotten one. i am extremely lucky to still live with my parents and not have to worry about rent or groceries but i have literally zero experience and savings i literally have 25 dollars right now and no one will hire me anf the older i get the less likely i am to find a job and im so stressed please nowhere wants me i fucking hate everything how am i ever going to be able to live on my own if i cant have any money im stressed as fuck please someone hire me

[sketching-pasketti]

Oh hey look it's the longest fucking post I'll ever make

Proxy Headcannons

——————————————————————————

General Headcannons:

All of them hate Slender but literally can't do anything about it cause he controls them

Everyone hates Tim but love Brian

Toby is a gremlin

Individual Headcannons (Masky/Tim):

"Oh I'm a whore for red velvet cake" "Yeah, Tim you say that everytime we go get cake"

Smells like cologne and cigarettes

Tired 24/7

Probably hates Slender the most out of all of them

Loves Five Guys a lot for some reason

"Uh, half of y'all have criminal records and the other half are supernatural creatures, no shit Slender won't let y'all work"

Says "y'all" a lot even though he's not southern (me too tho)

Cannot stand county music

A metalhead

Coffee addict

Calls people nicknames sometimes (example: Kate;Katie, Lulu;Lu, Lazari:Lazii, Kate:Katester)

"Ow? My ass?? What the hell, Katie????"

Speaks 4 languages

Can't stand Jeff

"You smell like cigarettes and it's really repulsive" "Okay?? You smell like weed, shut up"

Kicks ass at Mario Kart Wii

Also kicks ass at Wii Sports

Individual Headcannons (Hoodie/Brian):

"I pay for all of you guys' food so I don't think you get to say anything"

Is always either in his room or out at the store

Disappears for literally months and then comes back like nothing happened

Low-key has a (b)romance with Tim

Babysits Sally

A swiftie

Really likes Hits Different

Assigns people random emojis to their names

Examples are Tim(🚬), Toby(👹), Kate(🥺), Jeff(🔪)

Plays visual novels in secret

Not really though, cause Slender knows

Really good friends with Jane and her wife

Doesn't like how itchy his mask is

Wants to run Offender over with a car

Individual Headcannons (Toby):

Screams Taylor Swift lyrics at people who piss him off (*cough cough* Tim *cough cough* ex; "LET'S FAST FORWARD TO 300 TAKEOUT COFFEES LATER" "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU RODGERS??")

Also blasts music at ungodly hours

Heavily annoyed that Tim is the only one that Slender trusts to help with his tic attacks

Heard Jeff snort crack once and now that noise is a tic of his

Names his hatchets

"oh no"s randomly

Threw an egg at Slender once

Screams the lyrics to the songs he listens to

Has a collection of shiny things he's stolen from his victims

Honks (goose or car, you decide)

5'8"

Ate glue on multiple occasions

Didn't even notice it was glue actually until Brian told him

Tastes Jane's candles (she gets very upset at this)

Bites people

Forgets he chewed the side of his mouth off and gets shocked when he looks in the mirror

Rare whisper boy

His grandparents taught him German and now he has an accent and everything

Drew on all of his Converse

Perches on the stair railing

Sleeps in the starfish position

Individual Headcannons (Kate):

Also draws on her Converse

Draws everyone and everything

Painted most of the pictures Slender has in his office

Helps Toby collect shiny things

Hunches over like the hunchback of Notre Dame whenever she's doing something

Her back hurts constantly

Mapped the house so she wouldn't get lost

Whisper girl

Pierced her nose by herself (and made a huge fucking mess)

Let's Sally do her makeup

Slaps Tim's ass everytime he walks past her

Eats crayons on purpose

Vomits each time though

Has a large vinyl collection

And a Funko pop collection

Uses "🥺" unironically

Can ice skate

[monimccoythings]

Wedding Crashers part 3

Whoah, life has been a mess these last months ,but in a positive way, got a job had to move across the country, worked a few months, got an even better job (like a huge promotion) and now have to move back to the other side of the country. But now I'm back! Hopefully.

Trigger warning, this contains mentions of attempted rape and violent and gory elements.

tags: @karma-reader

It was nearly noon when Kuroobi came to fetch you, saying Arlong demanded your presence. You reluctantly got up from the table you were currently playing a very tricky game of cards, silently thanking him for saving you from a very humilliating losing streak. Knowing Arlong didn't like to wait, you hurried your pace to match Kuroobi's.

"It's been quite a long time since you first arrived. I wonder if your family cares about you at all." Oh, he was being an asshole, but you weren't going to play his games.

"It was more money than we actually have. They need time." He hummed, not entirely believing you. He suddenly rose up from his throne and approached you slowly, it dawned on you how much bigger and stronger than you he was. He circled you like a predator. Way too close for comfort.

"There is something you said the first time we met that hasn't really left my mind. Please, humor me, because I'm a bit curious; why someone who has everything they could ever desire be so against the idea of being released?" You didn't know if he was really curious or just taunting you. You decided to answer anyway.

"I despised that life and the rules that came with it." He let out a low chuckle that lacked any kind of amusement. "Oh, poor little princess who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth." You jumped when you felt his hot breath in your ear. When had he gotten behind you?

"A silver spoon with golden chains to match." You couldn't help the resentment of your own. "What's the point of so many riches and luxury if you can't enjoy life the way you desire? They tell you how to act, how to talk, what to eat, what to wear, how to feel, and somehow you're always doing it wrong."

You nearly jumped when Arlong grabbed your shoulder and roughly turned you towards him. There it was, that passionate look in his eyes that you couldn't decipher. Was he angry? Was he happy? Probably not even Arlong knew.

You backed a couple of steps under the intensity of that gaze, until your lower back hit the desk. Arlong followed you trapping you between the desk and his hard body, there was no escaping him. You could literally feel the warmth radiating from his body. Whoever said fishmen bodies were cold had clearly never seen one up close.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Princess; but when you come from a place of poverty and suffering like my people I find that a little bit hard to believe. While you were whining like a spoiled brat in your fancy castle, we were kids fighting for survival. But don't worry, once mommy and daddy pay up, you can run away towards that freedom you so desperately want."

He titled your chin towards him, trying to look more intimidating than he already was; and, for a couple of seconds you just stared at each other, too lost in the intensity of your gazes to notice any of your surroundings . With a grimace, he let you go and ordered you to get out of his sight. Your heart was beating furiously inside your chest. What was that? What game was he playing?

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟

Your family still didn't pay, but they did send many mercenaries to 'rescue' you. You didn't know how to feel. So, they wouldn't pay the money but were willing to spend it on a bunch of fools that got easily dispatched by the Arlong Pirates in seconds?? You understood the price he had set was very high. But maybe some old family heirloom would be worth enough to pay for your rescue?

Arlong surely loved to rub in your face how each one of those pathetic attempts of rescue failed. The crew even had set bets over how much they lasted, who got the most kills... You'd admit without shame that sometimes you had participated in those bets. It was the only thing you could do. Plus, it was fun and helped you integrate with the crew. Sometimes you were the one who teased Arlong about who was going to win the bet, completely forgetting your position as a hostage in that crew. But, surprisingly, he let that slide.

It got to a point where they got very cocky... until one group actually managed to sneak you away. You didn't know where those people had come from, but judging by their looks they seemed to be the lowest of the low.

They forcefully dragged you into their ship and towards the captain's quarters. You tried to ignore their lecherous stares as best as you could but the way some of them were looking at you like a piece of meat... it sent shivers running down your spine.

You were roughly shoved on the bed by the captain, a middle aged dirty man who smelt like beer and sweat. You tried to resist his advances but he was way too strong for you. He slapped you on the cheek with enough force to make you see white dots. He kept groping you, forcefully grabbing your breasts with his disgusting hands and kneading them in a way that brought you a lot of pain.

"Your family didn't pay us enough to face those things, so we are taking a little extra." His rancid breath made you want to throw up. When his hands started ripping the top of what had once been your wedding dress, you started screaming and thrashing violently. You desperately called for help, knowing there was no way anyone could hear you. You were about to lose any kind of hope until...

Something crashed against the ship with enough force that left it shaking. The force of the impact made your assaulter fall off you, giving you room to scoot away from him. He let out a curse and loudly demanded to know the source of the impact.

For a few seconds, there was only silence. And after that, pandemonium. Men were screaming in terror, shooting their guns at something, some animalistic grunts and roars could be heard followed by spalttering noises that made you wonder if the ship had entered the territory of a Sea King. Soon those voices were quieted down until there was only silence.

No, not silence. You could hear footsteps. Loud and stomping. They were getting even louder, they were coming towards your room, until they suddenly stopped.

The doors were sent flying with inhuman force. The dust cleared and you let out a little gasp. Arlong was there, breathing heavily, his lips were pulled back in a feral snarl, his sharp teeth were stained with fresh blood that was also dripping from his chin. However, if there was something truly terrifying about him now, it had to be his eyes. The look in his eyes was something you have never seen in him and hoped you'll never see again. It was the deranged look of a wild beast, he was more shark than man at this point.

The captain of the mercenaries, seeing what was about to come, desperately fired bullet after bullet towards Arlong. He casually brushed them off like they were nothing. He grabbed the captain's head and smacked it against the wall repeatedly, ignoring his victim's pleas, even when they stopped he kept going, and going until there was nothing left of that head but a bloody pulp. You coudln't even look.

He turned towards you and for a second, you felt fear, wondering if he was going to punish you. But, surprisingly, and with a gentleness so uncharacteristical of him, he scooped you up in his arms and carried you away from that room. You would surely deny it later, but despite everything you have heard outside, and what had just happened, this was the safest you had felt in a long time.

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟 𓆞𓆝 𓆟

To say he was angry was an understatment. Arlong was LIVID. How had this happened? How could some band of inferior beings sneak on his ship full of fishmen pirates and steal his prize without anyone noticing?

They had grown confident, sloppy. And those humans took advantage of it. A growl started forming in his chest. Never again. He would make sure it never happened. Your parents had already tested enough of his patience with their greediness. They thought of him a joke? They didn't consider his hold over their only daughter a threath worthy enough of consideration?

As he held your small body against his chest, he wondered about that sudden feeling of desperation when he saw you gone. He wanted to say that it was because without you, the chances of getting his money were slim; but he wasn't thinking about the money when he furiosly swam towards the mercenaries' ship, all semblance of rationality long gone. And that sent him crashing into an emotion he rarely made use of: panic.

You had to go. Whatever human charm you had was starting to affect him, just the way it had affected his crew. He couldn't have that. He couldn't trash his ideals and his goals for some little spoiled princess who would have him enslaved if she had the chance.

He and his brothers would pay a visit to your parents, and reclaim what was theirs. And then they would leave you there, to live your stupid human life with a lesson well learned: Do not mess with the Arlong Pirates.

Yet, the mere thought of leaving you behind stirred something ugly in him, something unwanted, something dangerous. If he allowed that to grow he would end up losing everything that he had fought so hard for in the last few years. All the people he had lost, all his rage, pain, and desire of revenge would be reduced to nothing.

He should make you hate him, he should treat you like he would treat any other human, torture you to the point of insanity just for his own sadistic pleasure. But he had just crashed an entire crew like a one fishman army just to get you back.

For a minute, looking down at you, he wondered if he really couldn't have it all. His revenge, his money, his prize... He was Arlong the Saw, soon to be lord of the entirety of the East Blue, he could take, maul and kill whatever he pleased and no Marine army would be able to lay a hand on him!

But that... would mean admitting he had some soft spot for you and he... he hadn't decided yet how to act on that.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

5/12/24, late morning

How about something a little more positive while I wait for my mom to give me the okay to call her for mother's day?

I love my day job! I'm a TCG guy more than anything, hobby-wise, so exploring board games as a sales person has been intimidating, and I frequently feel like I'm underperforming even when my coworkers tell me I'm doing great and that I'm providing skills the crew doesn't have otherwise, but it's a wonderful job. It's relatively low stress, there's ample opportunity to steal extra shifts which makes up for the middling pay, and a (generous) employee discount for arguably my most expensive hobby (ironically Digimon is one of the cheapest TCGs out there) is a godsend.

On quiet days, I'm frequently treated with an opportunity to learn a new board game. Last week I learned Wingspan, a few days ago I learned Wyrmspan, and just yesterday I learned Scout. I've even had opportunities to play multiple games before they were even available to the general public like Gloomhaven Buttons & Bugs and Star Wars Unlimited! So far almost everything that I've played I've enjoyed a lot too.

It might not be the highest paying job, but it's very easy, the staff and management is super laid back and grounded, and I get to learn board games. I literally can't think of anything wrong with that. It's the kind of job that makes me WANT to do my best, so I frequently go above and beyond the level of effort I'd normally exert for other retail jobs I've had.

Besides all that, it might have literally saved my life. Art is cool, but it doesn't pay that well- especially at the level I'm at. This day job being my primary flow of income with art being supplemental has been very good, and I'm very lucky that my patrons and followers are willing to be so patient with me while I find my footing.

I know I've said so before, but I feel like this year I've really got a great chance at succeeding financially. Last year I only had my day job since September, so for 8 months I had to earn a bare minimum of about $1800 a month through art alone so I could set aside 20% for taxes and still pay rent. This year, my day job and Patreon more or less cover rent for me, and everything I make through art is technically "gravy." Right now, all of that is going toward paying off money I owe to my roommate for covering most of our utilities by himself, but once that's all paid off and I'm consistently making enough to keep up with paying half of those bills, 30% of whatever I make through art will be set aside for taxes from now on, regardless of how much I make since I'm not trying to hit a specific threshold for rent, and then the rest can become SAVINGS! The key now is to calculate the average cost of our bills and utilities so I can try to make sure I make MORE per month than what I owe so I can catch up to the ongoing fees. I'm pretty optimistic about that.

BOOKS! As you know, I've been reigniting my love for reading since a little before I moved to WA- mostly because it's cheap (I've fallen in love with my local discount book shop's clearance racks), and it's a great way to fill in dead hours and lunch periods at the day job and quiet evenings at home when I'm done with art. Especially now that it's warming up, sometimes I like to head outside for a walk and then settle down and read in the park. Once in a while I treat myself to a milk tea or something too.

I finished The Archive Undying by Emma Mieko Candon, and I loved it. I'm probably going to give it a second read because I think there were some parts I may have ADHD'd through and not quite absorbed, and the sequel should be out sometime this year too. I got The Archive Undying as a birthday gift last year, so the sequel might be the first brand new book I'll have purchased in a while lol- I'm super excited.

My friend that let me borrow Legends & Lattes picked up a copy of the prequel, Bookshops & Bonedust, which he let me borrow before he started reading it himself, and I devoured it. Much like the first, it's a super cozy little read- not much in the way of substance, very little in the way of world building or complex character relationships, etc, but rich in comfort and good feelings.

Right now I'm working on a collection of Lovecraftian/Cosmic Horror short stories called Horrors Beyond: Tales of Terrifying Realities, and I found a couple more books from my local discount book store I'll tackle after that: What Dreams May Come by Richard Matheson (honestly I did not know this was a book first- shame on me) and The Star Fraction by Ken Macleod. I got them both off the clearance rack for just a little over $5 bucks in all!

I'm also experimenting with audio books. While I'm doing relatively mindless logistics stuff at the day job, I'm listening to audio books in one ear of some things I've read a while ago, but since kinda forgot. My mom was always a huge Anne Rice fan and had proudly collected the entirety of her works, and so I read a handful of books from her library growing up (my personal favorite of what I've read myself actually being Cry to Heaven). One I remember reading but not really enjoying much was actually the first book in her Vampire Chronicles, Interview with the Vampire. I'm not a big Louis fan (I'm more in the Lestat camp myself) and found the book as a whole kinda dull, mostly due to Louis' weak and winging personality, but I've since decided to give it another shot as an audio book, and it IS at least better than I remember giving it credit for. I still don't care for Louis though, lol. I prefer to read myself, but audio books are nice just to keep my brain going with something in the background while I'm doing something otherwise fairly mindless, like alphabetizing and rearranging miniatures or beautifying shelves of product.

GAMES! Not a TON to talk about here tbh. I've mostly been playing FF7 Rebirth, and it's been... Good...? I finally beat it on Normal after about 150 hours trying to exhaust every sidequest and minigame as much as possible, and I've since begun my Hard mode NG+. The story is great, there are a couple parts I'm not fond of that feels like Nomura is just Kingdom Hearts-ing all over FF7, but it's good overall and the gameplay feels really good. The most frustrating part of the game by far is just all the minigames- mostly that in order to completely beat them all, you have to do them PERFECTLY- it's very unforgiving.

Gotta go for now. Talk later. :)

[starfiring]

kory's fits ranked in order of worst to best

Disclaimer: This is my list and I make the rules here. If you don't like my placements, EXPLODE. I'm right. I'm only including the designs that I know. If I missed one that you find essential, feel free to add it in the notes with your commentary and placement, as long as you're right. If you're wrong, EXPLODE. Now, onto the list.

13: RHATO (??? probably some event in comic) I almost forgot about this one, and for good reason. Nothing to say. No impact. Ugly and not even in a fun way. Seriously, why? I love that the one relation to her standard outfit at the time were her cankles. Where would we be, as a society, if Starfire didn't have her cankles?

12: Nu52 (1st version) This one should come as no surprise. It's costume hated with the fury of 1000 suns since it's debut almost universally, and it's pretty clear why. It doesn't work for any viewpoint. The ridiculous boob thing that just sits there. It's not even pasties. No, that would be too good. It's like she wrapped a piece of duct tape around her chest, but she ran out halfway through. And why are her shoulders so heavily armored? I need to know the thought process behind the boots. More specifically, the cankles. Genuinely hideous and confusing. It's a random combination of heavily armored where you don't need it and completely naked where you do. Whenever I see comic book armor like this I just say to my self, "Motherfuckers are always coming for my (insert randomly armored body part, in this case, lower legs and shoulders). Can't keep 'em away from them. But not anymore... Any of you bitches thinking they can come for my (body part, in this case legs and shoulders) better think the fuck again." Anyways, hideous! The artist will be stoned to death in the town square at noon tomorrow.

11: Rebirth Honestly, this one probably doesn't really deserve to be ranked as low as it is. I actually like this one, for the most part. But it's here, second to last, because this is the only costume on the list that's betrayed me. There's many things to like. The usage of colors is very clean and graphic, the proportions of the outfit are nice, the outfit is wearable, and the design of the leotard calls back to the original design while still being it's own thing. There's nitpicks, of course. The knees are weird. The metal circles on her hips are random and superfluous. But those aren't enough to drag this design down so far. No, the one thing that I cannot get over, the thing that haunts me, is the weird ass design on the boobs. Really, it's just the one element in that area. What the hell is going on with the boob stripes??? Did we not learn this lesson from the last design? The white on the suit complements and follows the curves of the body so well until someone decided to slap some lines onto there and ruin the whole thing. Why the hard end in a random spot? Why don't the stripes just continue to the arm holes, which literally also have a white trim? Why did the person who designed this choose violence? Why did they want to hurt me, specifically? Many questions to be asked, and so few answers.

10: Nu52 (2nd version) I do find it absolutely hilarious that people were so mad about the booby strap (??) that they changed that and only that. Remember, bullying does work, people! It’s always moral to cyberbully large corporations. Anyways, it’s definitely better, but still not all that great. On a positive note, I do think that it pays homage to her original suit, while remaining a firmly modern design. The thing that kills me is that, if you filled in her entire body, and made it into a one-piece suit, it would actually be pretty nice. As it is, they’ve upgraded from “should be a criminal crime” to just “whatever.” Good job? Alexa, cancel tomorrow’s noon stoning appointment (This is a joke. I would never have Jeff Bezos’ Wiretap 3000 in my home).

9: Starfire (comic) This one instills a deep and corruptive hatred in my heart. It was created as a response to the rightful hatred that Kory’s design and character got in RHATO. A big thing back then was people comparing her to her cartoon counterpart. Therefore, the redesign really focused on making her similar to how she was in the cartoon. I think that it was a bad choice all around, but especially from a design perspective. Her cartoon design was simplified and changed to be easier to animate, as well as being in line with the styles of the time, and more appropriate for children. This is great for the cartoon, but for the comics? There are things you could reference, for sure, but to base your entire design off of her is a mistake, in my opinion. I don’t like the proportions. I think it would have been better off with a sleeveless top. I also don’t like the random cutout holes everywhere. They seem a little last minute and out of place. Final note, this is the worst her hair has ever looked. One thing that I will always hate the cartoon for is introducing the concept of Kory with straight hair. The instant that they took away the afro the design was ruined. But this iteration is a downgrade of a downgrade. She doesn’t even have firey streaks in her hair anymore; it's just orange. And the styling… Girl this is not Starfire, this is Stacey!! GET HER OUT OF MY SIGHT! FOUL BEAST!!!!!!!!

8: Teen Titans (cartoon) Finally, the turning point. I like this outfit. I can see where the inspiration from the comics came in, and it works even without knowing anything about the comics. It’s just a super cute look. Crop top and mini skirt with thigh highs? Yes, ma'am, sign me right up. I would wear it. It’s both of it’s time and timeless. I’m pretty sure that this design introduced white (or silver, but what is silver, if not a gateway color into white?) into her color palette, which… Is certainly a choice! It’s been used well, It’s been used badly. But this is why it’s used. Another important contribution is changing the color of the gems from red to green. A good choice for the cartoon, and something I personally like, but sometimes, I do miss the red. Mixed bag of consequences. As I said earlier, one of the things I really resent about the show is changing the perception of Starfire from having an afro in the comics to having straight hair. This show really whitewashed her, to the point that fans of the cartoon harassed Anna Diop for months, if not more, because she didn’t look like some wack ass kid’s cartoon. Cute, but I sentence this look to boil in lava for 100,000 eons for being a cracker.

7: The New Teen Titans (original costume) The icon, the legend, the blueprint. I feel conflicted that it’s so far down, but, honestly, I just like the other entries a little better. It really goes to show how many good designs she’s had that this one is middle of the pack.Let me start with the negatives, so that I can justify myself. A nitpick is that I wish the tabs on her boots didn’t stick up. It would be just that little bit better if they followed her legs a bit more. Another thing is that I wish the boots weren’t that texture, or that the texture was used more in the outfit. Also, this gem is my least favorite version. It works, but it is my least favorite. I’m not going to list the positives because it’s so good, it speaks for itself. I mean, just look at it. Take it in. Soak it up. Breathe it in. It gets across the concept of “alien warrior princess superhero” clearly, which is a feat of its own. She served, she ate, and then she washed and dried the dishes. Everybody say “Thank you, Ms. Anders!”

6: Don't know the issue or title, but this was her costume for a bit after ditching the original. Yes Ma’am, yes indeed. Definitely one of my favorites. This outfit gets so much disrespect, but let me be the one to say that it is good. It’s got a good balance of simplicity and detail. Also, the proportions are great, with the long sleeve crop top and high waisted pants combo. The gem redesign is nice, and fits into her design cleanly. I really like the cutouts on the top. It gives that little bit of skin that makes the whole thing pop. Some people complain about the fact that metal doesn’t work that way, but I don’t give a shit. Clearly, she IS working that metal that way, so be quiet. Now, two things I don’t love: one, I don’t like the texture of the pants. Just like the boots in her original design, the texture isn’t mirrored anywhere else. Two, the hair. After the 80’s ended comic book artists started giving themselves aneurysms trying to figure out how to draw a straight afro. Like, babe, it doesn’t work that way. Still, a mid afro is better than none.

5: I again don't know the issue or the title of this one, but I believe it's a Titans book from the 2000s. Now, I hate to be that guy, but she really did serve cunt in this. I have literally never seen her drawn well in this outfit, but that’s a sacrifice she made for fashion. It’s my favorite original costume redesign outfit of Kory’s (most of the other costumes take inspiration from the original costume, but this one is clearly intended as a redesign of the original). All of the good things I said about the previous two apply to this one, with none of the bad. I know, it’s sexualized, it’s impractical, objectifying, et cetera et cetera. I agree completely. That’s why this one isn’t ranked higher. But with costumes like this one, the way I decide if it’s good or bad isn’t by practicality. No, in cases like this, I ask myself, “would I wear this outfit to perform in drag?” And the answer for this one is yes, yes, yes. Can she fight in it without having her boobs pop out? Absolutely not. But could I tear the dancefloor up wearing this? Yes, absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt.

4: Injustice: Gods Among Us (game) I haven’t played this game, but Kory is again serving in it. I love the top, I like the boots and armor, I HATE the bottoms. Essentially, the metal parts are great, everything fabric is garbage. The bottom reminds me of a diaper for some reason. I wish they had used the lighter purple metal instead of the purple fabric. The waistband is a really weird shape that doesn’t complement the rest of the design. Also, the silver thing that’s holding her gems on her chest is ugly as fuck and totally out of place. The hair though… Girl. And the actress that Kory was modeled off of really did eat this up. I think the actress is what made me put it so high up. Also, the usage of the curved, organic lines in the top and the vracers is really just it for me.

3: Titans United Now this… This is beautiful. Finally, a Starfire design that really does say Starfire. It pays homage to the original suit, and to various other designs, but it is very much so it’s own thing. I don’t know that I agree with the color choice, but the curved white line designs are truly just… EUGH! YES! They highlight her body and curves beautifully, and add visual interest. I think the gem placements here are some of the best. They’re really utilized throughout the outfit. The lighter stripes on the boots and gloves call back to the stripes on her boots and the straps on her bracers from the original design. The neck and shoulder armor is from the Nu52 design, but it doesn’t look out of place. The white and silver is essentially from the cartoon. The white lines create shapes that call back to the second Nu52 top as well as the original design. It's either directly based off of the Titans suit, or the suit is based off of this one. It’s everything. It took all the notes and improved on them. It’s a legend, it’s an icon, and it IS  the moment.

2:Justice League Odyssey This look is one that stands in its own category. While other looks very clearly reference one influential outfit or the other (or all of them, like the last look), this one is really just what it is. I think, conceptually, this one does convey that same concept of “alien warrior princess superhero,” (which is more than some of the others can say) With an emphasis on the princess. She really does look royal here. She looks expensive. She looks powerful. And, as is clearly most important to me, she looks fucking good. I love how heavy and ornate all of her gem holders are. Her accent color being gold as it was originally is so much better than the instead of silver/white. And yes, that is gold. It’s not yellow, it’s not metallic, that’s gold, and you know that. Money. This look masters simple shapes with intricate details. Very graphic, very understandable. I love the usage of the darker purple stripes at the side. If I had one critique, I wish that the stripes continued onto the legs and turned this into a bodysuit.

1: Titans Ladies, gentlemen, all: her. Literally. She. It was always going to end this way. This is it, mama. This is THEE number one Starfire design. It’s either based on the Titans United suit, or that suit is based on this. Either way, this suit outsold. Changing it from a leotard(esque) to a body suit really makes it that much better, as well as adding dimension with the two tones of purple. Also, very happy to see the white/silver again replaced by gold. Everything good about every other costume on this list is true for this entry. The references, the innovation, the everything. Slayed. This look paid my bills and put food on my table. Not to mention Ms. Anna Diop, THEE Ms. Anna Diop absolutely demolished this role. Starfire stans won as soon as the casting was announced. And when this suit was dropped? We ascended. Every other design is DUST compared to this. One itty bitty tiny winy little notesy I have is that I’m not crazy about the marbled/veined element. I understand what they were going for, adding more texture, visual variety, et cetera, but for me, I think it confuses the shapes too much. Still the design to end all designs. The champ, the queen, the moment, the aspiration, THEEEEEEE STARFIRE. Some of the other entries on this list may convey princess, but, baby, this one conveys QUEEN.

[bakubub]

In which racer!kuroo is your roommate, and seems to only like it when you treat his wounds... (word count: 1.9k)

Ngl quite proud of this one!!

Warnings: 18+, a whole lot of swearing, a whole lot of blood, innuendos and implied nsfw, reader almost vomits (NOT from pregnancy chill, I know we're all scarred but its going to be just fine) and if you're squeamish perhaps skip the scene where reader stitches his wound?

Also bit of a disclaimer: I am in NO WAY a med student and literally all of my knowledge is from movies and other fics... so if you acc know what to do in this situation this may be a torturous for you :D

All due credits go to @aikk00​ for this AMAZING fanart!!!!

I watch as my roommate enters the penthouse, once again scratched up and bleeding, covered in so much blood there is no possible way that it was all his- if it was he would not be standing.

I launch myself off the couch- where I was sitting for the past hour nervously waiting for his return- and slip my arm under his, supporting him as we inched towards the bathroom.

"I can do this by myself you know," he grumbles, his grimace revealing just how much pain he was actually in.

"Mhm, I'm sure you can. Just like you boiled that poor egg by yourself last week, hmm?" I say sarcastically, trying to keep my mind calm and clear, because oh my god it looks really bad this time...

"Oi, its not my fault it fuckin' exploded," he mutters, voice laden with pain.

"You put it in the microwave because 'the shitty water wasn't doing its job.' Of course it would explode," I say, gently seating him on the closed toilet seat and taking out my supplies that I unfortunately have become rather accustomed to using. He's made it a habit to get himself injured.

"Where's the injury?" I ask, setting down my half-empty bottle of antiseptic and box of bandages. He peels off his shirt, cringing at the pain it brought him as the fabric was stuck to the gash that went from his left pectoral down to the middle of his chest.

"Pissed off a bidder after winning a race, fucker took out a knife once he realised he couldn't beat me up," he huffs out, arrogance still lacing his tone even with sweat dripping down his brow as he leans the back of his head onto the tile wall behind him. His Adam's apple bobs down his bloodstained neck as he speaks, and I quickly look away, focusing on the injury at hand.

Not his blood soaked, but nevertheless well defined pectoral muscles, nor the abs that my hands occasionally brush up against and know how hard they really are, and definitely not the trail of black hairs that lead down, down, down...

"What's wrong, the view too hot to focus on the work at hand?" He asks suggestively, raising his pierced brow, even in this state.

I'm quick to reply, having gotten used to his flirtatious remarks from the second I moved into his penthouse, "nope can't even see the view from that massive head of yours. Not to mention your permanent bed head."

He huffs out a laugh, then proceeds to flinch from the pain it must have caused.

"Stop moving, idiot. You're going to exacerbate the cut!" I say, quickly grabbing a damp towel and beginning to clean up his abdomen, whilst simultaneously pressing another rag to his wound to stop the bleeding.

“At least you admit that there is a hot view,” he says in his low voice, gazing at me from his position.

I simply roll my eyes.

No falling in love. That was the deal we had made on the day he offered me a place to stay in exchange for my services as a maid and apparently, a nurse. I cook, clean and basically keep the house running while this moron goes out and acts like the idiot he is. In my defense, dorms are expensive as hell, and his penthouse is nearby. Plus, I don't have to pay rent. It's a win-win situation.

But the feelings stirring up inside my heart might just ruin the dynamic we have going on and simultaneously take out a whole lot of cash out of my pocket.

At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

Once his skin isn't completely saturated in blood, and the wound has (thankfully) stopped bleeding, I add some antiseptic onto a make-up pad and begin to dab at his wound, earning winces and slight grunts from the massive man.

"The cut looks deep, Kuroo. You need to go to the hospital," I say, worry lacing my tone as my eyebrows crease and earn yet another huffing laugh.

"Do you want me to rot in prison for the rest of my life?"

I roll my eyes at his response, deliberately dabbing just a little harder which earns me a yelp and an attempted glare in my direction.

"First off, illegal street racing won't send you to prison for your entire life, just for like, half a year. Second, this wound needs stitches, and believe it or not, I'm not a fucking licensed medic. In fact, the only experience I have is with you!" I say, immediately regretting my choice of words as I wait for his remark.

"That's what she said," He says, chuckling at his own innuendo.

I sigh in frustration, pouring more antiseptic to make sure there was no chance of infection from whatever grimy ass knife stabbed him, and beginning to gently scrub the wound with a soft towel, so as to make sure there was no debris left in there.

"You're gonna have ta do it," he mutters, his hazel eyes boring into mine.

"I- I can't Kuroo, you can't possibly think-"

"Fine. I'll do it. Go get me a needle and thread," he states, struggling but nevertheless, sitting upright on the red stained toilet.

I stare at Kuroo in disbelief as he utters these words. Was he dumber than I thought? Does he have some sort of head injury too?

I examine his face and all I come up with is unnerving determination. I exhale out of my nose sharply, "fine, dammit. I'll sew your fucking wound shut."

I am extremely handy with a sewing needle and thread, used to really be into embroidery back when I had the time so...it should be fine.

He just shrugs, leaning his head back against the tiles and closing his eyes.

"Fucking asshole. Can't believe I'm saving your damn life," I mutter, leaving the bathroom to dig through my wardrobe for my sewing box and taking out a gold silk thread that I was saving for a special project.

Well, I guess that will never happen.

"Hey, I found some silk thread. It's literally known for its strength and durability in high temperatures, so it should work like a charm!" I say, walking back into the blood stained bathroom and trying to psych myself up.

He grunts in response. I sigh as I begin with mopping up the excess blood and sanitising the needle and thread before chucking on gloves.

I wipe the antiseptic over the wound once more, and examine it carefully.

Well, if his condition worsens, I can always knock him out and call an ambulance...

I decide, screw it, and thread the needle, pretending it was just another embroidery project.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, I chant as I puncture his skin with the thin needle.

Kuroo gasps in pain, and I place a hand on his knee, telling him to suck it up and deal with it, half talking to him but also to myself.

To my surprise, he listens, stretching his head back once more and gritting his teeth.

"Don't do that, here put this in-between your teeth," I say, grabbing yet another towel and shoving it into his mouth.

He obeys as I continue to stitch. I feel my gag reflex kicking in as I think about how stitching skin feels as though I am stitching leather, it feels hard and tough while pushing the thin needle through.

Must hurt like a bitch.

Once I've completed my neat stitches down the wound, without vomiting, I tie it off as I would with any embroidery, and clean the area free of any remaining blood. After rubbing some antibacterial ointment over the gold stitches, I stick on a particularly large bandage over the wound and start tidying up.

"Thank you," Kuroo mutters, still seated on the toilet seat and practically panting for breath.

"Ah, the criminal knows his damn manners!! Now get up and get in the damn shower. You ruined my pristine bathroom!" I complain, putting the last of the materials away before walking to the door.

"Wait, I- I can't get up." I turn around and look at him incredulously as he utters his next few words, "will you... shower me?"

My eyes just about pop out of their sockets at his request. "Are you insane?! I'm not your mother, nor your wife! Call your pudding haired friend and tell him to come shower you!"

He shakes his head, a rare pleading look taking the place of his usual arrogant smirk, "Kenma's too lazy to shower himself, Y/n, please!"

I contemplated it for a moment. Sure, I've seen him naked before, accidentally of course, and so what if I have to scrub him clean. God knows he can't do it himself with that damn injury.

Fuck this shit.

"Fine, get up right now." I bark at him, leaving to change out of my blood soaked pjs into a pair of shorts and a tank.

"...I just said I can't."

---

"Ow, y/n, you're scrubbing too hard!" He complains, his exfoliating glove around my hand as I rub his toned back clean of any dead skin-cells and blood remains.

"But look how much stuff is coming off!" I say gleefully, enjoying this a little too much.

Kuroo, seated on the built-in bench in the open shower with his red boxers on, looks back to see the satisfaction dripping from my features.

"Are you secretly a sadist?" he whispers. In response, I begin to rinse off his raw back with hot water, causing him to screech like a cat.

"It burns, it burns-”

“Shut the fuck up, moron! It's 4 in the morning, you’re going to annoy our neighbours. I tried very hard to get in their good graces, and Mrs. Suzuki still doesn’t like me! She definitely thinks I’m some kind of hooker…” Kuroo laughs at this, and I can’t help but watch as his whole face brightens up from his usual emotionless expression. I find myself smiling in response.

I grab his expensive shampoo and pour some into my hands, beginning to massage it into his scalp. With wet hair, his raven strands are for once flat on his head and reach down to his defined jawline. Kuroo groans under my touch, leaning into my fingers. I snatch my hands back and pour hot water over his head.

"ARGH! Y/N!" He screams, hastily getting up and wetting me in the process.

"Ah- what are you-" I don't get to finish my question as he grabs my arm and yanks me next to him under the hot water, soaking my clothes and my hair.

"You asshole!" I screech as I reach up to pull his hair in defiance, but he only grabs my arm and hooks it around his neck, leaning down to look directly into my eyes.

Our noses brushing against one another, he mutters, "You look pretty with your hair wet and your shirt see through."

It takes me a moment to get past the compliment and to hear the perverted comment that he just uttered.

He sees my look of confusion and laughs, bends over, clutches his stomach and laughs, before bellowing in pain because of his injury.

Smiling smugly down at him as he grimaces, I force him to sit back down and continue massaging the shampoo into his hair, warning him that if he so much as moaned I would leave him in here, dripping wet and in pain.

"That's what he said," is his reply.

I smack his head in response.

Notes, interactions and reblogs are highly appreciated <3

[xxbangchansidedishxx]

Chan’s Room- Chan X Felix.

Tw~ Degrading, Rough sex, Spanking, Exhibition???

Plot: Chan has a special guest for this episode of Chan’s room. But things didn’t go quite as planned.

Note; please send requests❤️

"Hello stayyy." He smiled as he looked into the camera. His body slightly hunched over hiding one of the members.

"We have a special guest on today's episode of Chan's room!"

Felix popped up from his hidden position with a cute little smile on his face.

"Aussie Aussie Aussie!"

The two giggled and began to interact with their fans.

"So what song recommendations do you guys have today?'

~comment: Love talk-wayv.

"How about that one channie?"

Felix questioned reading out the comment.

Chan had been avoiding playing this song for months and Felix knew exactly why.

The song was suggestive to say the least, but there was no getting out of it now.

"I - uh yeah okay."

The music began to play from the speakers and Felix started to dance around in his seat.

The younger Australian ran his hands through his hair biting his lip to match the vibe of the song.

He smirked as from the corner of his eye he saw Chan gulp and flush red.

"It's hot in here isn't it? Look you've gone all red."

Felix proceeded to take off his jumper to reveal a thin tight black shirt underneath. He knew exactly what he was doing to the elder and he was having fun with it.

"You know if you are hot you could just take off your jumper?"

He knew that wasn't possible since Chan didn't wear shirts underneath.

The song came to a stop and the two continued to interact with stays.

~comment: Chan how have you been?

"I've been doing good actually. The other day me and Lix-"

He was cut off from his sentence when he felt a hand squeeze his thigh.

He shot a warning glance at his friend and continued his sentence.

"The other day me and Lix went out for food with Jackson from Got7. Yeah and it was really nice."

~comment: what did you order?

Felix read out the comment as he trailed his hand further up Chan's thigh, it was now running dangerously close to his growing erection.

"I uhh I ordered a burger and Felix had s-steak."

His voice cracked and he stuttered as Felix was now palming him through his trousers.

The sight of the elder man so desperate to come undone but trying so hard to keep what was happening a secret was turning Felix on beyond belief.

A small whimper left Chan's lips causing Felix's eyes to shoot wide open. He acted as if he had no idea what was happening and he read out a comment.

~comment: Chan are you okay?

"I- yeah I'm fine. I just remembered I have to end the live a little early today. We have schedule and I completely forgot."

Carefully not to give themselves away Chan brushed Felix's hand off his crotch and stood up to hug the camera.

"Thank you for spending your evening with me, goodbye stays goodbye baby stays."

The two waved goodbye to the camera before finishing up.

Felix was pushed against the sofa.

"Oh you are gonna pay for what you did back there baby boy."

Chan growled into his ear, attaching his lips to the youngers neck, wasting no time to cover him in hickys.

"Mmmh I'm sorry daddy."

Chan began to rip their clothes off until they were separated by nothing but the thin material of their boxers.

He attacked Felix's lips exploring his mouth roughly with his tongue as he grinded his hips against the boy Beneath him.

"Such a naughty little slut for daddy aren't you?"

All Felix could do was moan in response.

"Awe my little fuck toy is lost for words."

Chan just chuckled and leaned down to tease the boys sensitive nipples with his tongue, lapping at it slowly before moving onto the other and nibbling at it causing Felix to Yelp.

"What were you thinking trying to get me off infront of stay hm?"

Before he could get a response he leaned down to roughly kiss him again. Teasingly his fingers circled the boys nipples which were wet with salava before flicking them mercilessly while Felix whined into his mouth.

The younger was desperate, his cock ached for release from the tight restraints of his boxers and Chan could tell.

He slowly pulled them down Felix's legs admiring his cock as it sprung free.

A pink blush flushed over the bottoms cheeks.

"P-please touch me daddy." He bit his lip in anticipation.

"Shh baby, you've been naughty and naughty boys get punished, turn around."

The younger gulped as he obeyed his orders.

A loud gasp left his lips as he felt Chan's hand come into contact with his ass creating a loud smack sound and a sting.

"I want you to count for me. Take your punishment like a good little boy and then I'll reward you."

His hand smacks against Felix's ass again

"Mmh fuck o-one."

He cried out the pain making his eyes water and his leaking cock rut up against the leather of the sofa.

"T-two."

Chan's hand caressed the youngers ass, each smack getting harder leaving red stinging marks.

It felt like the punishment was going on for ages and Felix was a stuttering mess.

"Ouch mmh f-fifty."

He panted catching his breath.

"You did so well baby boy."

Chan flipped the boy over and helped him onto his knees before removing his own boxers and rubbing his dick against the boys lips.

"Suck." He demanded.

The elder threw his head back and let out a groan as Felix gave soft kitten licks to the tip, lapping at his slit before sucking slowly at it and taking it down his throat. His tongue traced the bulging veins in his cock and he hummed around him in pleasure causing it to twitch.

"Fuck, your mouth is so wet baby. I'm gonna cum."

He pulled his cock from the youngers mouth and positioned himself behind him.

"P-please."

Felix tried to press his ass against Chan's cock but he moved away teasingly.

"How pathetic. I wonder what stay would say if they saw you here begging for my cock like a little whore."

He growled grabbing a fistful of Felix's hair to pull his head to kiss him messily.

He looked at the boys face. Lips swollen cheeks flushed red, eyes narrow and begging for more.

He began to rub the tip of his cock against the youngers ass slowly to tease him.

"Daddy please need your cock." He whined.

That's when Chan slammed into the boy causing him to let out a low groan as Felix cried out with pain and pleasure.

"So fucking tight baby, your ass feels so good around my cock."

He rocked at a steady pace hitting the boys prostate with each thrust.

The sound of skin against skin and whimpers filled the room.

"F faster please."

Felix could barely speak at this point.

"Awe my little cumslut wants more hm? You take my cock so fucking well baby."

He picked up his pace, roughly slamming in and out of his tight hole.

His hand held tightly onto Felix's throat applying just enough pressure to drive him crazy.

The bottom blabbered in pleasure.

"Mmh Ugh I- fuck uh I'm gonna cum mghh."

Felix shot his load making a mess all over himself as his ass clenched around Chan's cock causing him to release inside the boy.

The two panted, riding out there highs before Chan pulled out admiring the cum dripping out of the boys ass.

"You look so fucked out and pretty baby."

Felix blushed harder as Chan spread his legs wide and licked at the cum leaking from his hole. His tongue circled around the pulsing entrance, lapping up the mess he had made before he went up to kiss Felix on the lips.

"That was amazing Channie."

Felix cuddled into the mans side feeling content until he saw something from the corner of his eye.

His eyes immediately widened and he sat up grabbing a cushion to cover himself with.

"Lix what's wrong?"

Chan's voice was full of concern.

"Look at your phone..."

Chan walked over to his phone and his mouth dropped open as he saw it.

Comments. Thousands and thousands of comments.

~comment: umm what???

~comment: fuck this is so hot.

~Comment: oh god I can't take this.

~comment: they're literally... I- I'm not complaining.

He forgot to end the live.

Thousands of people had just seen him railing his band member.

He chuckled nervously.

"Oh haha Um hi stay. I guess I didn't end the vlive properly. Well I- Yeah."

Felix burned red with embarrassment as Chan just dug the hole even deeper trying to figure out what he could say to get them out of this mess.

"Well I guess me and Lix are gonna go now. Goodbye stay. Goodbye baby stay."

Despite the awkwardness and embarrassment he felt Chan still ended the live with a hug. One hand covering his cock and the other wrapping around the camera, his abs in full view of the camera.

This time he made sure to end the live properly.

"Chan it's all over Twitter."

Felix groaned covering his face.

Chan just walked over to him embracing him in a hug.

"As awful as this whole situation was... it's kinda hot tho don't you think?"

He smirked at the younger who blushed and shyly agreed.

"Don't worry. Everything will be okay. But I suppose we better get dressed and arrange a meeting with JYP and the boys."

The two cleaned up their mess before preparing to face their band members.

[mylittlegemlins]

Demencia ADHD headcanon

ok before reading, this was not written by a clinically diagnosed person, I have come to identify with the disorder but it is only a headcanon based on internet research and for entertainment purposes, in short, do not believe me because I´m not a doctor.

Now I can start, I am only going to show the symptoms that I saw in her and the moments where she shows them.

Starting with the obvious Demencia's obviously hyper, every damn episode, to the point where it seems like they have to be catching her daily just so she doesn't destroy too much, constantly jumping around destroying robots, probably escaping the mansion, she's the first to run when they arrive at the place of their mission, in the video q&a happens where she has to be seated, she constantly changes her activities and her position in the chair so as not to get bored, she goes from reading her magazine, to scratching the table with scissors, she pays attention to the questions and flug response, then gets bored and goes back to the magazine.

empulsivity: Another thing that happens very often, especially if she is jealous, she can end up with a client in front of her boss without thinking if he would be upset, she literally jumps out the window to escape from a hatbot even though she is not on the first floor in one of the videos, she breaks her own things, in a deleted short she blows up the entire mansion with dynamite without thinking about where she is going to live, and without thinking if their boss will punish her.

stimming: I literally have gifs of her doing stimming very cute, but besides that she bites things and herself all the time, she eats a lot, she bites her lower lip, she bites her tongue, she finds it comfortable to walk on all fours and that cute rattlesnake sound it makes are some stimms

short attencion: I can only list moments where his attention fails her, she forgets who the macabre mask was after she fought with him and possessed that same day, she insults Flug for a program when she doesn't even know what program is talking about, in episode 6 Demencia gets distracted imagining his wedding with black hat and forgets that she is hidden in the middle of hypnotized zombies thinking if she was going to rescue Flug, in the crossover with Victor and Valentino she doesn't give a damn about the mission and only thinks about going for food.

She doesn't plan, she just acts, her longest plan was two steps, you distract them, I rescue the nerd, and her plan to win over BH was just for her to say something nice to make BH love her and the rest is a wattpad fanfic, in the crossover he admits that she doesn't know how to make plans because Flug is the one in charge.

Low frustation tolerance: Destroys her own phone in the first episode, and from what Flug says it sounds like he destroys his stuff often.

Linked to emotional dysregulation, most of the time she tends to be extremely happy laughing all the time or extremely angry with the desire to kill someone, she also seems to get irritated easily.

impatience: she can't wait for his turn in the video q&a, in that same video she interrupts Flug until he gets angry and yells at her as if he can't stand that this happens often, she interrupts Flug in the anniversary video, interrupts him in the crossover to explain what they do there, also in episode 2, she basically interrupts often, a common trait in people with adhd.

hyperfixation/hyperfocus: The only thing I could find is her obvious obsession with BH and whatever it has to do with it, it seems to be the only thing she thinks about most of the time.

things maybe linked to adhd that i can´t rule out: Demencia says things that don't seem to make sense, in a deleted clip she said death ray rhymes with lunch (she probably forgot the word and his brain replaced it with a related one)

I don't know if he writes some words wrong on purpose or if he really has a hard time writing, we'll see in the book.

She is quite skilled at math and video editing, but is seen as immature for her attitude.

She doesn't have to follow a schedule because the missions can come at any moment and the rest of the time flug is the one who plans her itinerary of important things. So I would not know if she has problems with the passage of time or organizing her tasks since her job does not force her to do so.

that will be all. thank you for reading

[txemrn]

Book: Open Heart (after book 3)

Word Count: 1456 (+/-)

Warnings: Language, angst, maternal death

A/N: You guessed it; we did another Drunken Drabbles last night (which if you ever want to play, please join us! My buddies @chemist-ana, @jstawriterbee, & @kat-tia801 joined me last night--check out their DD! They actually have smut!), and this one is brought to you be Deep Eddie's Vodka. As far as the challenge? I broke every. single. rule. First of all, I passed out before I could schedule to post this, so here I am, 2.5 hours late. Second, I didn't use the prompt. There is literally no prompt to this. Third, I'm well over 1000 word. And finally, there is no smut. Nada. Zilch. What the hell happened last night? *rubs head* Some characters and plot belong to Pixelberry. Also, no editing or pre-reading with this bad boy, so please forgive me! Enjoy! 😎

***

Depositing a dollop of hand sanitizer in her palm, newly appointed Chief of Obstetrics Dr. Tatum Erikson escorts a nurse out of a labor patient's room. “Let’s go ahead and start that amnio,” she orders as she rubs her hands together. "300 bolus followed by 80 an hour. Call me if--" the chime of her pager interrupts her. "Shit."

"Ma'am?"

Tatum rubs her temples. "Sorry--um--" she looks back at her pager. "--call me if those decels don't resolve in thirty minutes--" she begins to jog down the birthing center's corridor, heading towards the stairs to exit the unit.

She bolts down the six flights, reaching the ground level at a rapid speed. She rounds the corner, pushing past the double doors next to a large red-and-white illuminated sign: Emergency. She sees the commotion ahead and a patient being transferred from a stretcher, not responsive.

"I'm Dr. Erikson," she frantically calls out over the chaos of the room. "I was paged 911. What've we got?" As a seasoned EMT rattles off vital signs and history, Tatum instantly recognizes Karla Hogan, a patient she saw this morning at her 38-week check-up appointment.

Oh, God, no... Please no...

"...she was found unresponsive at the scene of the MVA. Asystole. CPR in process for 17 minutes--"

"Epi? We've given epi?"

"Yes--"

"Atropine?"

"Maxed."

No, no, no. This can't be happening…

"Doctor, how would you like to proceed--?"

"Put a goddamn fetal monitor on my patient," she barks, turning to a nurse nearby. "You," she points, "page OB STAT Emergency overhead. I need an OR now--"

"It won't make a difference," bellows a cold, baritone voice from the doorway of the room.

Tatum freezes, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. She knows that hauntingly deep voice: a voice that once made her giggle incessantly during the day while he purred her name late into the night; a voice that encouraged her, comforted her, believed in her all through medical school; a voice that once laid claim to her hand and her heart--that is until that voice found her in bed with his best friend. She knows that frigid tone anywhere.

"Ramsey," she mutters.

"A postmortem c-section?" He condescendingly questions, strolling confidently into the room. "She's been down for how long--?"

"But, if these chest compressions have been adequate, there's a chance--"

"She was gone before they even started--" he nonchalantly interjects as he begins testing the patient's reflexes.

"Doctor Ramsey," she chides before being abruptly interrupted by a trauma nurse.

"Dr. Erikson, I think I hear a heartbeat, but it's low and slow." Tatum nervously nods, taking a few deep breaths.

"That's good enough for me," she kindly thanks the nurse. "Alright, team," she boldly orders, "Let's get her ready for a cesarean." She turns to a nearby technician. "Where the hell is my OB team?"

"They've been paged--"

"Page them again," orders Tatum.

"But, doctor--"

"Page them again," Tatum's tone becomes more stern as she starts grabbing surgical materials. Slipping on a scrub hat, she turns to look into a pair of familiar, crystal blue eyes. "When's the last time you did surgery, Ramsey?"

The tall provider sardonically chuckles. "It's been a while," he crosses his arms, "but, it's not happening right now--"

Tatum scoffs. "Let's get her prepped people. Move!"

"Dr. Erikson," Ethan hollers, a warning in his tone. "You will not be performing this--"

"Watch me." Tatum fervently assists the nurses and technicians in positioning the gravid body. "If you've got a problem, take it up with the chief. This is my call--"

"Already have," Ethan snidely rebuttals, "and it's my call." Tatum stops applying her surgical mask, slowly turning her attention to his towering frame. Her wide eyes slowly trace down from his face to the embroidery of his white coat: Dr. Ethan J. Ramsey, Chief of Medicine.

Tatum blinks her lashes in confusion. "Where's Dr. Banerji?"

"Not here," Ethan smirks, raising an eyebrow. "Now will you be reasonable?"

"Reasonable?" She feels the anger burning inside her as she fights back the stinging pain of tears. Her eyes glisten with earnest pleading. "Ethan," she beckons under her breath, "We could save a life."

Ethan runs his hand over his face, allowing his fingers to rest against his chin. "Tatum, I--"

"Please. Do this," she swallows deeply, her voice reducing to a whisper, "for me?" Ethan's gaze fixes on his former love, a flash of memories flood before his eyes leaving the pair in a palpable stillness.

"Nurse," he calls out from over his shoulder, "I need a size eight glove."

***

"You want me to--"

"I can do it."

Ethan and Tatum walk in silence to the waiting room to retrieve Karla Hogan's husband. Recognizing him instantly, Tatum invites him to follow him to a more private room to talk.

"Just--just say it, Dr. Erikson." Tatum stuns in her steps, slowly turning to face the tearful husband and father-to-be. "Please don't make me take one more step, one more second not knowing that the love of my life--that she, my Karla--" his voice falls into sobs.

"We--we did everything--" Tatum's voice runs hoarse as tears drip from her cheeks. She clears her throat. "Mr. Hogan, I--I--" A sudden tunnel of darkness clouds around her head, the room falling silent. She feels her heart begin to panic, thundering in her chest as her breathing becomes more shallow. She's had this difficult discussion before with family members; but death in the maternity ward is never something one should get used to.

Suddenly, Ethan gently puts a hand on Tatum's shoulder, a comforting touch that always brought her back to reality. She takes a few deep breaths, looking up at him. He gives a curt nod as he squeezes her shoulder, stepping forward to talk.

"Mr. Hogan, we did everything we could…"

Tatum slips off her scrub cap, letting platinum blonde wisps cascade down her face. All she can picture in her head is Karla, how she was full of hope this morning‐‐they both were. And in the blink of an eye

"... but thanks to this skillful doctor right here," Tatum is pulled from her thoughts by Ethan's words as he points to her. "--your newborn baby girl is waiting for you, recovering in our Neonatal Intensive Care Unit."

***

After leading the emotional father up to meet his daughter, Tatum turns on her heel, making her way back to her laboring patients in the birthing center. But, before she exits the NICU, she discovers Ethan finishing a conversation with one of the neonatologists. Their eyes meet.

“Proud of you today, Tate,” Ethan offers a crooked smile.

Tatum dramatically steps closer to Ethan, crossing her arms as she raises an eyebrow. “Pardon me,” she lifts a hand up to cup her ears, “but did you just say, ‘You were right, Tatum; I was wrong’?”

Ethan pinches between his eyes while his other hand rests on his hip. “I’m never wrong--”

“Today you were--” she jovial pokes at him.

“You got lucky--”

“And you’re still bitter--”

“‘Bitter’?” Ethan scoffs, “of you--?”

“That someone’s medical intuition rivals your own--”

“Dare to dream, Dr. Erikson, but we both know exactly what your intuition is capable of--” The moment the words left his lips, a painful apologetic look plagues Ethan’s eyes as he watches the stunned hurt flash across hers. A thick silence floods between them, both of them unsure how to recover from such a low-blow of a remark. Tatum stares at the floor, unsure if she should just walk away.

“Tatum, I--” she shakes her head, waving her arm to dismiss the inevitable apology. She just wasn’t sure when she would stop paying for the sins of her past.

“So,” she tries to change subjects as a mischievous grin grows across her face. "I missed the memo. You're my boss."

"I'm your boss," he chuckles, crossing his arms.

"Hrmmm," Tatum raises her eyebrows, turning towards the door as a silence falls between them, again. She motions for the automatic door to open.

"Hrmmm what?" Ethan questions, turning towards her as the doors slowly open.

"Oh, I was just thinking," she lowers her voice, placing her hand on his arm. Ethan bites his lower lip as his cheeks begin to flush. His eyes flutter down to her lips before drifting back to her gaze. He swallows thickly.

"A-About what?" His tone matches hers.

She giggles letting go of his arm. She makes her way through the automatic doors and back en route to her department. But, not before she calls out over shoulder in a dark, sensually husky voice: "It wouldn't be the first time--" she twirls on her heel to look at him one more time, giving him a wink and a knowing smile, "--sir."

***

@chemist-ana @charlotteg234 @choiceskatie @forallthatitsworth @irisofpurple @kat-tia801 @khoicesbyk @lovelyladyk88 @lucy-268 @neotericthemis @phoenixrising308 @sfb123 @shannonwrote @shewillreadyou @taniasethi @thefrenchiemama

[jerek]

no cause like honest to god i don't remember anduin ever saying anything encouraging to wrathion. it has literally ALL been negative. mf came out the shell and anduin immediately "wow you remind me of onyxia's whelplings. you're naive. you're insane. you're just like garrosh. hey champion it's kinda fucked up i'm talking to a black dragon right wouldn't my dad be sooo pissed"

the only time anduin has ever reacted positively, if i'm remembering correctly, is when wrathion affirmed in war crimes that they were friends and then promised to let anduin ride on his back. quick question: why does anduin only ever seek out relationships with people he finds lacking in some way? why has he never found anyone he actually likes? why can he never enter a conversation WITHOUT an agenda?

and honestly he could have done that with ANYONE else. this whole friendship of convenience shit where the literal only thing keeping them together is that anduin will put up with anything just to get the last word in, and wrathion will put up with anything because he doesn't know how much better he can have it.

but to WRATHION bro? you're the only friend he doesn't pay off and you're setting THIS fucking standard? the bar is so low. the example is so shit. i guess nobody else will listen to you but god damn. lowest down dog shit i've ever seen, stringing along someone with a fraction of your experience and wisdom. someone who you yourself admit doesn't know better. stringing along basically a child to be your One True Friend and you don't even LIKE him.

like, what reason could you possibly have? he's why your father is dead, he released garrosh, he never does anything right. is it literally just because he'll put up with you? anduin can't keep it going with taelia, someone who's ACTUALLY his age, prob for the same reason. he ONLY gets fulfillment by convincing people they're wrong.

honestly he could save both his and wrathion's mental health by just not fucking talking to him until he can think about why he would even want to. at this point, it's not doing anyone any real favors.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑀𝑦 𝐺𝑖𝑟𝑙 𝑃𝑡. 4 (𝐵𝑎𝑑𝑏𝑜𝑦! 𝑆𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑔ℎ𝑤𝑎)

Part One/ Part Two/ Part Three

Pairing: Badboy! Park Seonghwa (Ateez)/ Reader (Female)

Genre: Angst, Fluff, College AU.

Synopsis: Final part of the bad boy! Seonghwa series. Y/N finally tells Seonghwa her answer to his confession.

✿❯────「✿」───❮✿❯──「✿」────❮✿

"Seonghwa!"

Seonghwa pulled away and stomped his foot on the pavement, gritting his teeth.

"Fucking hell, can't even get a break." He complained, sighing in frustration.

Seonghwa helped Y/N get down from the railing. She fanned her face as she suddenly felt hot from the compromising position she and Seonghwa were in a few seconds ago. She watched as a shorter male with ash blonde hair ran over to them, somewhat out of breath.

"Hongjoong you better have a good excuse for interrupting me." Seonghwa glared daggers at the younger male, his arms crossing over his chest as his foot tapped impatiently on the pavement.

"Well would you count Mingi getting his head stuck in a lamp shade as good enough?" Said Hongjoong mimicked Seonghwa, crossing his arms over his chest while tilting his head to the side.

"What the?! How even?! Ugh! Where is he?" Seonghwa could already feel his head pulsating with a coming migraine.

"In Yunho's room, who's probably trying to calm him down at the moment." He gestured behind him at the house.

Seonghwa inhaled and pinched the bridge of his nose. He let out an exasperated breath.

"Fine. Let's see what I can do."

Without even thinking, his hand linked with Y/N's and he began pulling her back inside the house. Hongjoong was taken aback when he saw them holding hands. He looked back and forth between them.

"I thought he said they weren't a thing?" He thought to himself but ultimately decided to let it go, chuckling secretly to himself.

They went back inside the house through the back door so they wouldn't have to pass all the wild people dancing in the living room and hallway. In the kitchen, they were greeted by a very drunk and overly emotional Yeosang, who was currently crying on Jongho's shoulder, the latter helping him stay standing as he petted his hair.

"Yeosang?" Hongjoong looked at him.

"Ok, what happened to you now?" It seemed Seonghwa would have to fix yet another problem.

He began mumbling something incoherently due to his sniffling and talking while his face was pressed on Jongho's shoulder.

"I got him don't worry. Go help out the idiot upstairs." Jongho assured them as he tried to keep Yeosang from collapsing on the floor.

Seonghwa looked back at Y/N

"You don't mind waiting here a few minutes do you?"

She smiled and reassured him she'd be fine. He let go of her hand and that's when it dawned on them both that they had been holding hands the entire time. Seonghwa stuffed his hands into his jean's pockets and walked away with his head hung low. Hongjoong who was next to him leaned in to say something to him, which resulted in him getting elbowed by the taller male as they went upstairs to fix whatever commotion was happening.

"You know, for 2 individuals who keep denying they're in a relationship, you sure act like you're in one." Jongho told her, snapping her gaze away from the staircase.

"Huh?" She looked at him, not paying attention to what he said.

Jongho snickered. "Exactly that. Lovesick puppies that can't seem to function without each other."

Yeosang whined loudly when he heard him mention the word 'love.'

"What's wrong with him anyway?" Y/N was worried for him. She leaned in and wiped some of Yeosang's tears away.

"Long story short: flip a coin, San goes home with Wooyoung for the night." Jongho explained as he rolled his eyes at the stupidity of it.

"Oh no, I'm sorry Yeosang." She brushed some of his bangs away from his face.

"Don't be, this always happens. If it had landed tails, then it'd be San crying here."

Yeosang grunted at the sound of his name and harshly dug his nails into Jongho's arm.

"Whoah ok Hyung, calm down. I get you're upset now but I'm already doing you a favor by keeping your drunk emotional ass company. No need for the agression."

Yeosang lifted his head up and groaned.

"Do me another favor and take me to nearest bathroom."

Seeing Yeosang's pale face, Jongho cringed as he lifted him up as if he weighed nothing.

"Seriously, shouldn't I be the reckless drunk getting taken care of you older guys? Why is it the other way around?"

Jongho excused himself and carried Yeosang to the bathroom as swiftly as he could before the poor boy threw up on himself or worse.

Y/N leaned back on the kitchen island. Her foot began drawing circles on the floor as she waited for Seonghwa to come back. She took the time to think about what Jongho said:

Do we act like a couple?

"No! Absolutely not! Besides, I don't even like him that way...." She thought to herself then immediately began questioning the veracity of that statement.

"Do I?"

She couldn't deny that Seonghwa was extremely attractive, especially with his leather jacket and tight jeans that hugged his thighs in the most dangerous and tempting manner. But besides his obvious beauty, he was also a very kind and genuine person. From the beginning, he stated his intentions and he was very open about what he did and didn't do. He was an open book and didn't try to conceal anything. He was also a complete gentleman towards her and was literally waiting for her to say yes.....

So what's keeping me from accepting him?

She was startled when she felt someone slide next to her, making her forget about what she was thinking.

"Hello there." An extremely attractive male with long pink hair smiled at her.

"Hi." She replied awkwardly, scooting a bit away from him.

"I'm Hyunjin. May I know your name?" He asked, his head tilting down to check her out.

"Y/N." She responded.

"Pretty name on such a pretty face." He grinned, coming closer to her.

Y/N retreated away when she felt him come closer, closer than she felt comfortable with.

"Don't be scared beautiful. I only want to talk." Hyunjin chuckled.

Y/N hardly believed that.

"Oh really? Just talk?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

Hyunjin hummed softly.

"Well unless you're up for something else. Then I'd be happy to oblige."

His hand moved to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"So what do you say? Wanna ditch this place and come home with me?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her.

"No-no thank you." She brushed his hand away which resulted in him gripping her wrist and pulling her against him.

"I promise you won't regret it." He smirked at her.

In a flash, Y/N watched as Hyunjin was yanked off her by none other than Seonghwa.

"She told you no Hwang Hyunjin. Can't you take a hint?"

Hyunjin scoffed as he straightened his jean jacket.

"Stay out of this Park Seonghwa. This doesn't concern you."

Their voices were raised to the point that a lot of people there were now looking over or whispering, wondering what all the commotion was about. Seonghwa chuckled sarcastically.

"Oh but you see, it does concern me cause..."

Taking 2 steps, he swiftly took Y/N's arm, pulling her close to him and wrapping an arm protectively around her.

"She's my girl." He declared.

Audible gasps were heard when he said that, a few females letting out either romantic "awwws" while others were fuming at this new information.

"Fucking knew it!" Yeosang declared, pointing a finger upwards as Jongho tried to stabilize him once again and shushing him.

Hyunjin looked surprised but then he laughed mockingly at him.

"Your girl? Do you actually mean a girl, or is she just another slut of yours that you're going to fuck and call it a night?"

Seonghwa grabbed Hyunjin by the collar and slammed him against the wall harshly, rage coursing through his veins.

"Say that again about her! I dare you to!" Seonghwa warned.

Hongjoong immediately stepped in and grabbed Seonghwa's shoulder.

"Seonghwa....this isn't the place-"

But he couldn't get his statement out because Hyunjin shoved Seonghwa off him, getting ready to fight.

"I'm not scared of you Seonghwa. So try me." Hyunjin threatened.

Y/N looked over and saw many people taking out their cameras, ready to film what was going to happen. Then she took in Hongjoong's and Jongho's worried looks. Realizing she did not want to see him get hurt, she stepped in between them, making Seonghwa look at her in confusion.

"Y/N move. I don't want you to-"

He stopped talking when she wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him tightly so he wouldn't move.

"Please don't do this. Please just don't..." She begged him.

Seonghwa opened his mouth to speak but ultimately didn't. His hands that were balled up into fists loosened themselves and moved to caress her lower back. He took a deep breath and began to calm down.

"Ok."

That was all he said as he unwrapped her arms from him, smiling down at her to make her stop worrying. He looked to Hyunjin one last time before threatening him:

"Don't ever let me hear you disrespecting her again or I'll bust your face open."

Seonghwa linked his hand with Y/N's and began pulling her away from there. Exiting the house, he guided her over to where he parked his car. Y/N fake pouted.

"No motorcycle tonight?" She asked in a whiny tone.

Seonghwa snorted. "If I remember correctly, you called it a 'death trap'".

"It is! But you know......makes you look even more attractive." She teased him.

Seonghwa pushed her up against the side of the car, his hands trapping her in between his body making her get flustered and look at him with widened eyes.

"Don't tease me or I won't be able to hold myself back. " He cautioned her.

He then moved her slightly away so he could open the door for her. He waited for her to get in before pacing over to the driver's side. Turning on the car, he swiftly pulled out of the driveway and started heading back to her house. They sat there quietly, unable to say anything. Seonghwa noticed how Y/N kept glancing over at him every once in a while.

"What's on your mind doll face?" He finally spoke up.

"Oh um....well that thing you said back there....at the party...." She mumbled out.

"I said a lot of things Y/N, you're going to have to be more specific." He looked at her momentarily before paying attention to the road again.

"The part where you said I was....your girl?" She said the last part very quietly.

When Seonghwa didn't respond for a while, she slumped her shoulders back, internally cursing herself for even bringing it up. She decided to just look out the window for the remainder of the ride. She didn't get it. Why was Seonghwa not answering her question? Did he not mean it? Was he going back on his word? Her mind began to swirl with all kinds of questions that she didn't notice that Seonghwa had already pulled in front of her apartment complex until he was clearing his throat.

"Hmm? Oh! Sorry. Thanks for the ride. I'll see you around."

She grabbed her purse and wanted to speed out of the car as fast as she could, but Seonghwa clutched her hand before she could move.

"Y/N wait!" He blurted out.

Taking off his seat belt, he turned to look at her.

"I didn't respond before because I wanted to talk about it calmly and with no distractions."

Y/N calmed down when he explained why he didn't immediately respond to her minutes before. Seonghwa looked down and took a deep breath before confessing:

"Y/N you know how I feel about you. From the beginning, I told you I liked you. I was attracted to you at first, but spending these two days with you, getting to know you even more..... I'm falling for you harder than I ever imagined I would..."

Gathering his courage, he looked up at her surprised face.

"I won't get my hopes up.... but it would honestly make me happy if you accepted to be my girl....make it official between us..... and actually start dating..."

He cringed at himself and the way he asked her. He for sure thought she would reject him.

"Seonghwa?"

Y/N's voice made him snap his head up.

"Yeah?"

"Do you mind getting out of the car?" She asked.

Her request puzzled him, but he did so nonetheless. He ran over to her side before she could even open the door, as he did it for her.

"Ok, why did you-"

He was cut off when Y/N grabbed the sides of his leather jacket and pulled his face down to hers, making him get his words caught in his throat. Y/N smirked at him.

"I thought you said you wouldn't hold yourself back if I teased you again?" She chuckled at his shocked expression.

Getting the hint, Seonghwa pulled her hands off him and held them in place.

"I'm not."

He closed the gap between them and cupped her cheeks as he kissed her tenderly, all of the feelings he had kept inside finally coming out in his kiss. Y/N pulled her hands out of his grasp and they went to the back of his head, running themselves through his hair as she kissed him back just as intensely.

Seonghwa pulled back briefly to ask.

"So....is that a yes or...?"

Y/N giggled and nodded yes before pulling him back in, this time kissing him even more passionately. Her hands moved to his arms that were clad with his leather jacket, yet she could still feel the muscles underneath the material. The thought of them exposed made her unconsciously bite down on Seonghwa's lower lip.

Moaning softly, Seonghwa pulled her off him once again.

"Ok ok, easy there kitten. If there's going to be tongue and second base involved, let me take you out on a date first." He joked, poking her nose.

"I thought you already did." She reminded him.

Seonghwa smiled. "Well then...how about a second date?"

Y/N hummed and thought about it. "Deal."

Seonghwa beamed with joy.

"Great then. I can't wait."

✿❯────「✿」───❮✿❯──「✿」────❮✿

Y/N could feel the stares from some of her classmates, but she didn't care. Let them think and talk about whatever they wanted. She couldn't care to pay attention to them, let alone pay attention to what any of her professors were saying. All day long, she kept thinking about Seonghwa and about their date later tonight. It was the only thing keeping her from going insane during these boring Monday sessions.

As soon as the bell rang, she stuffed her books in her bag and strutted out the door. Her plan was to get home as soon as possible so she could shower and change as quickly as possible for their date. But those plans were crushed when she was met by a familiar head of black hair sitting by the benches outside. Catching sight of her, he got himself up and walked over to her, looking her up and down.

"Hello doll." Seonghwa winked at her.

"I thought you said you didn't have any classes today?" Y/N remarked.

"I didn't." Seonghwa affirmed.

"Then why are you here?" She questioned him.

Leaning in, he responded.

"Got impatient and couldn't wait to see my little kitten."

Not caring that others would see, he cupped her chin and softly kissed her. When he pulled back, he muttered a soft 'cute' at her pink cheeks. Taking off his leather jacket, he wrapped it around her.

"It's kinda chilly. Put it on."

Seonghwa held her books as she put on his clothing, chuckling when he saw it was definitely big on her. Linking their hands, he took her out into the parking lot.

"Oh my God! You seriously brought that?!" Y/N complained when she caught sight of his motorcycle.

"Get used to her babygirl, you're going to see a lot of her too." Seonghwa handed her a helmet.

Y/N huffed as she put on her helmet. "I swear to god, you like this thing more than me."

"Nope trust me, I like you a lot more. A lot." He insisted as followed suit and put on his helmet.

Seonghwa waited until Y/N firmly adjusted herself behind him, his heart jumping when she wrapped her arms around him once again.

"Tell me when it's over." Y/N shut her eyes, gripping him even tighter.

"Calm down doll, I won't let anything happen to you. After all.....

You're my girl."

✿❯────「✿」───❮✿❯──「✿」────❮✿

[elishamanning]

Kramer: "Well, with us... we ask ourselves, how can something like (the Leverkusen game) happen, and we notice our surroundings asking that, we on the inside ask ourselves that, sometimes we come to a weird conclusion, what, do we have two faces? But we only think that because we only look at ourselves. But what do the Dortmunders think, winning 5-1 against Frankfurt, thus German champions obviously, then they lose 2-1 in Freiburg and everybody's thinking, well, they're not that good, are they. Will Bayern show their Supercup face, or their face-against-us, or against 1. FC Köln? The Leipzigers, do they show their Mainz-face or that outstanding show they put on against Stuttgart? These "problems of consistency" when you're a Gladbach fan, or a Gladbach player, you think 'these are Gladbach-only problems', but the others have them as well. It's always a matter of how you handle it and that you don't let it... well, tear you down emotionally. The important thing is to avoid a negative spiral, mentally, because, as everybody who's ever played football will know, in the end the decisive issue is always in your head (((aaaah, that's a bad translation. It's a mental issue, is what he says.))), and it always will be." Knippi: "Completely agree. And by the way, that's not limited to football." Kramer: "Well, exactly. It's not even worth discussing, when you enjoy doing something, when you're positive about it - it's not exactly a brand-new psychological finding - it'll always turn out better than when you're negative about it. So let's not, after the second matchday, tear everything down, and let's not, after the first matchday, praise everything to the heavens." Knippi: "Did you expect that? Becoming professional footballers, all that stuff that comes with it, besides playing football, all that stuff raining down on you?" Neuhaus: "Well, it just happens, it just all happens automatically. In the end, you become a footballer because you have fun playing football, and you don't much think about that kind of stuff that comes with it. You grow into it and you learn to handle it." Knippi: "So you're not actively getting prepared for that? Because in the last podcast you (Chris) said 'that's the guys from the NLZ' So it's not part of your training there?" Neuhaus: "No, it wasn't a subject in mine." Kramer: "Well to be completely honest, looking back, I thought football would be funnier, or at least less serious, and a bit more honest. That's also why I like this club so much, because I know that here at least you get an honest basis, like, I feel understood here, I have a certain relationship of trust to, for example, Max Eberl, but I wouldn't have imagined, without spilling any beans now, that football's such a not-really-nice business. So this is one of the best things here, for me, knowing that I have an honest and trustful basis that can be built on. And I really wouldn't have ever imagined it all to be so grossly serious. Sometimes I think inappropriately serious, because football is such a beautiful thing and when you get to do it as a profession, plaiyng football, there's nothing easier than joyfully going somewhere every day. These are the best conditions to have, the working hours, just turning your hobby into a profession - everything about football is 'geil', but still you get this completely inappropriate seriousness about it making you go, aw, it's tough. That's a shame I think, I wouldn't have thought so when I started out. I always wanted to be a footballer because, well, for one it's my passion, but also I thought every day would just be fun, and I think it should be, and that in the end that would be performance-enhancing, I'm quite sure about that. (laughing, saying that)." Knippi: "What do you think?" Neuhaus: "Always hard to disagree. The gist is we're all playing football because it's great fun being on the pitch. Of course there are always periods when it's a little harder but all in all and especially looking back you always regard things much more positive

than maybe you felt in that particular moment. (I don't really understand what he's saying there), but anyway the positives should always be front centre." Knippi: "What you just said, Chris, the seriousness, I also think it's too much sometimes. For example if a team's not playing well and the people on the pitch get personally attacked/insulted. I get to witness that when I'm down there, and sometimes I think 'what is wrong with you?', like, I get being unhappy when the team that has your heart isn't doing well, being unhappy, or sad, or disappointed, I get that, but not attacking the players personally. Well thank God that isn't an issue currently, and there's no reason why it should be." Kramer: "No, I don't think that's happened to me in my career... Well, once, playing with VfL Bochum in Aue, I was pelted with snowballs by our own fans but, in retrospect, that was quite funny." Knippi: "Like how?" Kramer: "Well, because we lost 6-1 playing in the snow. I'd say I'm a good player on snow, but, well, Ronny König is the best snow-player on this planet. He (literally he says 'he put four cherries into our basket', meaning he scored four goals... as you probably would have guessed.) So then our own fans, who'd travelled to Aue on a Monday night, threw snow balls at us, and we completely deserved it. And I do think every fan is right, and has the right, to use this outlet, that they're paying money for, to let off steam. Because football, in the end, is entertainment. Only, it doesn't help. What I meant with the seriousness is the whole stuff around it as well. Football is just a game. It's supposed to be fun, but sometimes I think, looking at the newspapers, all the sociopolitical issues, and seriousness... it's still football." Knippi: "Did I just understand you correctly, you're saying it's a fan's right to pelt you with snowballs?" Kramer: "Well... it gets its down dynamic, and it's not too bad. If someone insults me, say, I don't really have a problem with that. I don't take it personally because I don't think it's meant that way. It may not be the right approach and I may not understand their motive, but... that person is angry, they've had a bad week at work, then they come here, and we play badly ("nur hintenrum" - too defensively) so they have a right to...-as a fan, of course, you have to question whether that's doing any good. We've not really had that here in Gladbach and when there were beginnings of it, we had talks with the ultras, and stuff, we're quite close to the fans, so we don't really have that issue here, but you do see it with other clubs, and close friends of mine, they have had situations where I'd really say, now this is too much (I wonder if he's talking of Leon/the end at Schalke here), and that's just not on, but generally, we are an outlet for many and football is entertainment. When you're not being entertained you're entitled to boo. I don't mind. There's just this double standard - look at me, talking again for ten minutes straight (Knippi and Flo laugh), and you have to cut it all afterwards- once again I take ten minutes to get to the point, but you can't - you want to play with a young squad, and they'll make mistakes. You can't boo them. Or you can't say you want to play with a young squad. Very simply put." Knippi: "Tommy Schmitt, your successor at 11Freunde put it quite well there, I thought. It's very counterproductive to boo and whistle." Kramer: "Yes, well, you have to ask yourself, no matter what you do - I mean when you get to the office and everybody's scowling at you, thinking 'what an idiot!', you'll feel that as a person with empathy, like every footballer, and when you're booed, that does something to you... I can promise everybody: booing a player will never make them better, not ever." Knippi: "'Snow-player' you just said. You're not a good 'snow-player'." Kramer: "I'm a GREAT snow-player!" Neuhaus: "They lost 6-1, I don't think he's that great. They wouldn't have lost 6-1, would they?" Kramer: "Well Leon, Leon Goretzka

and I, we still talk a lot about that day. I'd say, Leon and I, we both have these long levers, we really are good snow-players, on a proper layer of snow, like there in Aue. But Ronny König! He's Messi on snow. Awesome, really." Knippi: "Wouldn't it be better to have short legs and a low centre of gravity?" Kramer: "I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, looking at Leon, and myself, AND Ronny König you can conclude the tall ones with the long legs are good on snow." (very scientific, this.) Knippi: "What kind of a snow-player are you?" Neuhaus: "There weren't any snow-games anymore in my time." Kramer: "NLZ, dude!" Knippi: "I know but..." Kramer: "No!" Neuhaus: "Climate change." Knippi: "But in your youth you must have played on snow once, haven't you?" Neuhaus: "Hardly." Knippi: "You're THAT young?!" Neuhaus: "At 1860 we had astroturf with undersoil heating." Knippi: "Did you ever play on clay?" Neuhaus: "...and anywhere in the stadiums today. There just aren't snow games like that anymore these days." Kramer: "He's from Bavaria, they don't have clay. They just have meadows and pastures, they play on the most beautiful pitches. Here in NRW when you're playing Galatasaray Mühlheim you know what's going down? You know what's going down, playing on clay?" Neuhaus: "I can just imagine." Kramer: "You take two weeks before you can go back to school because your legs - you simply can't walk anymore..." Knippi: "You've never played on clay?" Neuhaus: "No, never." Knippi: "You don't know that feeling when your grazed-open thigh is stuck to your jeans?" Neuhaus: "Yes, well, as a little child I played on the street..." (It goes on a bit yet, but I've already fallen asleep twice and I'm not sure these "translations" are making much sense anyway, so I'll leave it at this, now, alright? Flo played on asphalt, so he knows about open wounds from football. And Knippi claims he's still got remnants of clay in his thigh from decades ago. Hehe. I'll do the rest another time.)

first of all THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH

it's always interesting to hear about a player's mindset

it's really interesting to see how an athlete's relationship with their changes over time. like to have something that was for fun and a hobby turn into your job is a pretty incredible transition. it's something a lot of people experience to an extent, but to have it on this high a level is pretty unique.

Kramer: "No, I don't think that's happened to me in my career... Well, once, playing with VfL Bochum in Aue, I was pelted with snowballs by our own fans but, in retrospect, that was quite funny."

chrikra???? please??? what is this... snowballs???

i also agree that while fans are allowed to show their discontent, it does often cross a line. idk if he was referring to something like leon's ending with schalke, but that instance of schalke fans chasing and attacking the players is something that definitely comes to mind here. i think i actually draw a shorter line than chrikra here.

Neuhaus: "There weren't any snow-games anymore in my time." Kramer: "NLZ, dude!" Knippi: "I know but..." Kramer: "No!" Neuhaus: "Climate change." Knippi: "But in your youth you must have played on snow once, haven't you?" Neuhaus: "Hardly." Knippi: "You're THAT young?!"

omg flo please

i do love the idea of chrikra and leon reminiscing about their old games together... my heart

anyway i love this podcast and i hope they do more of it

and thank you again SO MUCH

[simons-calling-the-127-squad]

First Impressions - YangYang

Warnings: drug usage, cursing, and violence

Credit to the original owners of the images.

GN "Bad Kid" Reader x "Good Kid" YangYang

Soulmate Au: First words to each other

"Y/N, are you paying attention?" Mrs. Song questioned from her position in front of the board.

"Yes ma'am", you said, trying your hardest not to roll your eyes. She looked at you for another moment before her eyes turned back to the notes written on the board, which you had already copied all of them down. You felt a poke in your ribs, your eyes moved over to your right where your friend Andy sat. Before she could speak the bell rang. You instantly moved to put your binder in your bag and waited for Andy to do the same. The two of you quickly walked out and waited in the back of the parking lot for the rest of your friends.

"I swear that woman has it out for you", she says pulling a bag out of her backpack.

"So help me you get us caught-"

"Don't worry", she cut you off, "I'll be careful."

"You better be sharing", Darren said as he walked over motioning for Andy to hurry up. She rolled her eyes and passed him the pipe. He instantly took it and inhaled, handing it to you who did the same.

"How dare you start without us?" Ryder said as he and Bridget joined your group, stealing the pipe from your hands.

"Hey no smoking, you have to drive your cousin home and your aunt will kill you if she finds out your high", Bridget said as she took the pipe from him.

"Speaking of which, where is the little shit?" He said, his eyes moving around the parking lot.

"That reminds me, anybody wanna gimme a ride? My sister has to work so she can't pick me up", you asked the group.

"Yeah sure. I'll need someone to keep me sane after I take Bridget home", Ryder said.

"Trust me. I'm not too happy about riding with you either", a voice said from behind him.

"We'll leave in a few. First, lemme introduce you to the gang. The blue-haired girl is Andy. The one with all of the piercings is Y/N. Green haired dude is Darren and you know Bridget. Guys this is YangYang."

"Sup", Darren told him as he took the pipe from Bridget. YangYang just nodded, it was obvious he was uncomfortable. You felt a bit bad for him, but that didn't stop you from taking another hit before leaving. Bridget got in the passenger seat, leaving you and YangYang in the back. It didn't take long for the two of you to arrive at Bridget's. She kissed Ryder and told you all bye before getting out.

"I need gas and snacks, so we're making a pit stop", he said as he pulled back onto the road. He was in and out of the gas station passing you a bag of chips and YangYang a candy bar.

"So I gotta ask. Why do you guys smoke?" YangYang inquired to his cousin after a bit of silence.

"Numbs things a bit. And with it, things hurt less. Y/N is better at describing it", Ryder replied. YangYang turned to you.

"Let it hurt until it can't hurt anymore. That's what it's like without it", you said. He nodded and turned back to look out the window.

"That answer your question?" Ryder glanced in the rearview mirror to look at YangYang, who nodded. The moment the car arrived at his house YangYang thanked his cousin and jumped out of the car.

"Hopefully I don't have to give him a ride again", he said as he backed into the road.

"Eh, he didn't seem that bad."

"Let's just hope he doesn't tell my aunt I'm a stoner", he whispered. You let out a little laugh and continued to talk until you got back home.

------

It became a tradition for Ryder to take you home, and for him to drive YangYang home on Thursdays. It had been a month since the first time you had met him, and he still hadn't talked to you. But you couldn't really blame him, you were the classic "bad kid" that literally got stoned in the school parking lot, and he was the "good kid" that had the perfect record. It still amazed you that he and Ryder were even related at all. Just like the first time you rode together, Ryder had to make a pit stop at the gas station, though this time he was taking much longer. You found yourself growing more and more tired as you waited. It didn't help that you were unable to sleep last night and had smoked some with the group before leaving. You forced yourself to stay awake and pulled out your phone, hoping to distract yourself from the temptations of falling asleep.

"Awake and unafraid", YangYang whispered, so low that you almost didn't hear him. Your eyes widened and they moved to your wrist, which was covered by your sleeve. The exact same words were etched into your skin. The words that had been there since your birth and would be the first words your soulmate told you.

"Talk about a plot twist", you mumbled, causing YangYang to laugh.

"I wasn't expecting it either", he admitted

"Wait a second", you said upon realization, "I talked to you the first time we rode with Ryder. You've known for a month that we're soulmates and didn't say anything?"

"Admittedly I was a bit concerned when I figured out that we're mates. But then I realized, things aren't that simple, that I know nothing about you and have no reason to have concerns. But I wasn't sure what to say, so I waited for the right time."

"I hate the fact that is reasonable. Second off, what the heck did you mean by unafraid?" Your torso moving to face him.

"You're unafraid of what others think. And to say what's on your mind. I've noticed that after learning we shared some classes."

"We have classes together?" You asked, your face twisting in surprise.

"Several", he answered with a laugh.

"Dang I'm blind."

"To be fair most times you're stuck in your head. And most likely stoned during class", he responded.

"Okay, you're not wrong on that. But lemme guess, you don't want people to know we're soulmates?" As you asked the question the driver's door opened.

"Hold the phone. Y'all are soulmates?" Ryder asked as he entered the car. Tossing candy at you two. The two of you nodding in response.

"And to answer your question. I'd much rather people know we're soulmates."

"Why though? You're the golden boy and I'm one of the resident stoners", you inquired as you opened up the chocolate.

"Because we're soulmates? The differences will definitely cause some trouble, but we'll be able to get through them", he told you.

"I still can't believe you two are mates", Ryder said as he started the car. The conversation was then put on hold, you assumed it would most likely be continued tomorrow.

---

It was lunchtime when you finally met up with YangYang.

"Sorry I'm late", he said. He dropped his bag onto the floor and sat next to you. He kept his head down and eyes trained on the table.

"You good?" You asked.

"Uh yeah, fine."

"YangYang, you do realize that I can tell your lying, right?" You said as you leaned closer to him. He finally peeked up at you, his eyes were a bit red.

"I hate the fact that I can't lie to you", he said with a slight pout.

"What happened?" You questioned.

His shoulders sagged as he mumbled something incoherently. You raised your eyebrows at him.

"Just Blake and Liam being their usual selves." That's when you noticed the scratch on his cheek.

"Woah hold up. They did that?" You could already feel the anger rising in you. YangYang must've seen it in your eyes and began rambling about how it usually is worse, but as your fists clenched in anger he knew he messed up. Instead, he started backtracking, but it was too late, you were already storming out of the cafeteria to behind the gym. You knew the two boys hung out there during lunch, as cliche as it was. You could hear YangYang trailing close behind and begging you not to do anything.

"Y/N, what's up?" Blake greeted upon seeing you. Before you would've returned the greeting, but now you just grabbed him by the collar.

"Hey what fu-" Liam started, as he moved to you. But you glare turned to him, he immediately paused.

"Wanna tell me what you did to YangYang?" You asked, backing Blake up until he hit the wall.

"Why do you care?" Liam asked.

"One chance to tell me. I might not hit as hard if you answer", your grip tightening.

"Okay we roughhoused a bit, so what?"

"Is this the first time?"

"Yes?" Your right knee jerked up to hit I'm in the stomach. He groaned in pain and would've doubled over had it not been for your hold on him.

"What the hell Y/N?" Liam asked, his eyes widened in shock.

"Shit, fine. We've done it before", Blake panted.

"Oh so now you wanna tell the truth?" You asked rhetorically as your left fist reeled back and connected with his jaw. You dropped him from your hold as you heard Liam rush over to you. His knee made contact with your ribs, but you lunged at him and tackled him to the ground. As his back hit the concrete he let out a huff. You wasted no time on landing the punches. You rolled off of him when Blake attempted to yank you off. Your right foot landed on his chest and he stumbled back after the kick. You stood up, as he hobbled back towards you, and you grabbed onto his hair. He yelped at the pain of you pulling him up by it. You landed a final punch on his cheek and let go before shoving him to the ground where he sputtered up the smallest amount of blood.

"Bully anyone else and you probably won't make it out of the hospital next time. Understand?" You informed them as you moved to stand in front of them. Blake nodded and Liam groaned.

"And tell anyone that if they touch YangYang they're dead. Spread the word that if they mess with my soulmate, I will find them", you told them before grabbing YangYang's hand and walking back to the cafeteria.

"Where were you guys?" Darren asked when you sat back down.

"Had to take care of some assholes. And Andy blacklist Blake and Liam from your selling list." She nodded.

"So what'd they do?" Bridget asked.

"They messed with my mate", you told her as you pulled a blushing YangYang into your arms. Everyone at the table was surprised to say the least, well besides Ryder who was dying of laughter.

----

YangYang had decided to ride with Ryder again, he had asked his cousin to drop the two of you off at a local park. You waved Ryder off as he and Bridget backed out of the parking lot and walked with YangYang to a nearby bench. The two of you didn't get to talk after getting back to the cafeteria and you knew he had something to say about the whole situation.

"Alright, go ahead and say it", you told him. He gave you a confused look.

"That you don't wanna date me after the whole lunch fiasco."

"That's not at all what I was gonna say. I was gonna say that A) next time please give me a warning if you're gonna kick someone's ass. B) that was awesome. And C) let's go on an official date and actually start dating." It was your turn to be confused.

You could feel your eyebrows pull together as you asked him, "You still wanna date me?"

"Uh yeah?"

"Why?" You blurted out, prompting the boy next to you to laugh.

"Well I know you'll always protect me. And you're fun. And my soulmate."

"Well, I didn't expect that." He laughed again and stood up, pulling you with him as he walked to a nearby bakery.

"Now let's go on our first date, soulmate", he winked. You smiled, thinking about how it was definitely gonna be interesting to see everyone's reactions on Monday morning. And how the two of your story plays out, but you're looking forward to it.

-🃏

[shawnpetermuffins]

Too Close to You

' @luke-skywalkin : so I’m currently obsessed with jealous needy shawn sooo can u write one🥺'

Warnings: swearing, slight angst, mentions of smut

A/n: I got a little carried away with this, I think. But I kinda like it. I've also never written a full jealous!shawn so I hope this is okay.

Summary: Shawn thinks his friends like you a little too much and he's not handling it well.

Requested: yes.

***

I love to hang out with Shawn and his friends. Ever since Shawn introduced me to them, I'd felt like part of the group. We all have inside jokes with each other, and when Shawn is out on tour and I can't be there with him, the guys always invite me to go out with them. Of course I agree, because let's face it, they need a wing-woman, because they have a difficult time getting girls for themselves.

So, yes, we're close. Which is why it doesn't bother me when Jon pulls me into his lap while we're at Brian's, all of us just drinking and having a good time. Just like it doesn't bother me that he's tickling my sides or playing with my hair. In fact, I lean into him because it feels nice, and with two cups of whatever strong, alcoholic concoction Matt had cooked up, it's not like I was in any position to sit straight for long periods of time.

Shawn's standing in the doorway, staring at me, and in my sober state, I would be able to tell that he's standing way too straight and that his jaw is clenched in that way it does when he's angry. But tipsy me does nothing about it, only takes the cup from Jon's hand and sips it.

“God, I need to get laid,” Brian exclaimed, plopping down next to us and pulling my feet into his lap.

“That's not all life is about, you know. Why don't you look for something real. Someone smart, and funny, and beautiful,” Shawn said, sitting on the coffee table in front of us. He's nursing the bottle of water in his hands - deciding that if I'm drinking tonight, he wouldn't be.

“Easy for you to say when you literally just described your girlfriend,” Matt said from the arm rest next to my head. “You seriously got the hottest, smartest, funniest woman on earth. What's even the point in the rest of us looking?”

My cheeks flush red and I let out a soft “Awwwe! Matty, that was so sweet!” I take a hold of his arm and he looks down at me. “C’mere.”

He leans down and I press the softest, quickest kiss to his lips before pulling away. Neither of us think anything of it. Shawn does, that's apparent in the way he crosses his arms over his chest, and sharply inhales through his nose.

“Okay, I need another drink. Let me up guys,” I pat Jon's chest and Brian swings my legs to the ground for me. I steady myself, both Matt and Shawn holding their arms out for me to grab. I stumble lightly into kitchen to fill up my cup. I'm in there a couple minutes, listening to the music that's now muffled - still loud, of course. But muffled, nonetheless.

I'm about to go back to sit with Jon when a tug on my arm pulls me in the opposite direction. Shawn's head rests against my stomach and my hand very instinctively goes to his hair. He hums, his hands resting on the pockets of my super skinny jeans. I swat at his hands when he kneads the covered flesh.

“Shawn, we're in public.”

“We're in Brian's living room. That's hardly considered public.” He's looking up at me, his curls flopping over his forehead, lashes brushing just under his eyebrows and I'm swooning.

But the moment ends much too soon when Brian pulls me back in, this time squished between him and Jon. “Smile!” Matt says, hiding behind Brian's Polaroid.

I close my eyes - knowing just how drunk I'd look if I kept them open - and smile wide, baring my teeth. I feel two sets of lips on me before the flash goes off and when I open my eyes, I see Shawn standing, his ears red, breathing heavy.

I push myself off the couch, best I can and brush my hand against his arm. “Are you okay?”

“Let's get out of here,” He pinches the bridge of his nose.”

“Shawn.”

“Y/n. I'm tired and I want to go. Please,” he says through gritted teeth. The boys aren't paying any attention to us.

I sigh, “Okay.”

The goodbyes are quick, Shawn's hand never leaving my back pocket. I didn't even hug the guys before he was rushing me to the car, faster and little more forcefully than usual. His breathing still hasn't calmed, even after a few blocks.

“Bubs, what's wrong?” I ask when we're nearer to the condo.

“We really need to limit the time we spend with the guys.”

“What? Why?”

He scoffs and looks at me, only for a second before turning back to the road. “They're all over you, for fucks sake.”

“They are not!”

“And you're not doing anything to stop them! You're encouraging it, even!”

“Are you serious right now?” I hiccup, the only clear sign that I've drank a little too much tonight.

“Am I serious?” he's fuming, turning onto our street. “Yes, I'm fucking serious! What was that kiss with Matt? You initiated it!”

“It was less than a second! It didn't mean anything.”

“Well it did to me!” He sets the car in park and is out before I can even say anything back.

I get out of his jeep, rushing after him, “Shawn!”

“Those are my friends, y/n!” He says, opening the door to the condo. “My best friends!” He continues when the door closes behind me. “And they're over here talking about how hot you are and how they wish they had someone like you. And you let them. You let them say those things and you let them touch you and kiss you and it fucking hurts! You're my girlfriend! Mine! And it really doesn't help that you wear those tight jeans, and low cut shirts because you're leaving very little to the imagination. They shouldn't get to see that.”

“You’re getting jealous over nothing. They don't get to have me, Shawn! You do!”

“Then why don't you act like it?! I'm never here, y/n! I'm never fucking here. But they are!” He gestures like they're in the next room. “They get to see you every day. Hold you when a guy gets too close, even though they're too close.”

“Bub-”

“How would you like it if I did that with my girl friends? Kissed Camila when she said something sweet? Let Alessia hug up on me while we're in the green room?”

I cross my arms over my chest, hating the fact that he thinks that would upset me. "I think your fans would have a bigger problem with it than I would."

He rolls his eyes, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That I don't have millions of fans watching my every move. You so much as look at another girl and there's twenty articles up that you're cheating on me. That we broke up. That our relationship was a sham. Your fans would believe it and quite possibly murder you before I even open Instagram to see how you've broken the internet this time."

He sighs.

"I don't get jealous, Shawn. You know that. And you've reassured me every time you leave that you love me and only me and I believe you. So I need you to believe me when I tell you that there's nothing going on with me or any of the guys. We're comfortable with each other. They protect me when you're not here. They're not trying to get with me when we go out to the bar; they stay near me and make sure no one else tries making a move. They do it because they know you would hate yourself if something happened while you were gone. There's no reason for you to ever thing that I would leave you, and for one of your best friends, no less! So whatever jealousy you're harboring right now needs to go. Because I'm tired and this fight is fucking stupid and I'm going to bed." I push past him and into our shared bedroom.

---

Dressed in my pajamas, I lay on my side, eyes closed, but not sleeping. I hear Shawn sigh as he walks in the room, my back is towards him when I feel the bed dip on his side. I think he's going to reach for me after he's situated under the covers, but he doesn't and my heart breaks a little.

Sleep doesn't come easy, or at all, actually. I'm staring at the alarm clock that Shawn insisted on putting across the room so that we'd have no choice but to get up when it went off, and it reads 2:07. We've been in bed like this for three hours. And I know he's not asleep because he's not doing that little snore that he does when he sleeps on his back.

At 2:28, when my eyes are just now becoming too heavy to keep open, he shifts onto his side and his arm sprawls across my waist. "Baby," he whispers into my shoulder, placing a gentle kiss on the covered skin. It takes everything in my not to melt into him right then and there. "I know you're not asleep."

I sigh and shift until I'm facing him. "What?"

"I'm sorry," he says, his thumb rubbing against my jaw. "I'm an idiot."

"Yeah, kinda." I agree.

He chuckles and I know we're okay. "I know I don't have to be jealous. But hearing Matt say what I already know, it did something to me. Because you are the hottest," he kisses my forehead, "smartest," my nose, "funniest," my lips, "Girlfriend in the world. And if he's noticed, then other guys have too and the thought of another guy wanting you drives me crazy."

"But I don't want them," I try and reason.

"I know. I know you don't. But do you see where I'm coming from? They're here. They're stable... I can't lose you, baby."

"Hey," I reach out to touch his face. "We are stable. Bub, I am not going anywhere."

His arms wrap around me with ease and just like that I'm straddling his naked torso, my hands resting his chest and then tangling his necklace between my fingers. "I'm right here. I'm in your hands. You have me."

He nods, his index fingers running over my sides from beneath my shirt. I hum and lean down, kissing his lips, never wanting to pull away. And this went on for what felt like forever, until my back once again hit the plush of our mattress. "I need you," he groans, lips trailing down my neck.

"I'm here," I reassure him, threading my fingers through his hair, clearly not understanding the meaning of his words.

"I need you," he says again, this time pressing his hips against mine. It clicks for me then and I nod.

"Okay baby." I mutter breathlessly because his tongue on the shell of my ear has me weak at the knees.

He takes his time with me. Kissing every inch of my body, clothed and unclothed. His touch is so soft and gentle that if I wasn't watching him, I'd have thought it wasn't real. And then he finally pushes himself into me, staying steady for a second, allowing me to get used to his size. Looking dwn at us, just out of curiosity, I notice that you can't even tell where I end and he begins. We're one. I'm whole as he thrusts into me slowly.

His thrusts are deep and even and measured. I couldn't even tell him how much I needed him; he left me speechless. He murmurs 'I love you' all over my body, and I wish you could tattoo sounds into your skin because I want to hear that forever. It's overwhelming how much we both need each other in this vulnerable moment. Him worried that I would someday leave him and me trying like hell to get him to believe I won't.

We're rarely ever this careful with each other. It's as if he's scared that going faster, harder will push me to the edge - And not the edge that he wants to bring me so desperately to. He's treating me like I'm fragile, like we're fragile. We're not, and I kiss him a little deeper to prove that we're not. Shawn's panting in my ear with another slow, deep thrust into me and my fingers claw at his back with a strangled moan eliciting my lips. This isnt just sex. We're making love. This is raw and passionate, and everything that making love should be.

***

A/n: this is not how I originally planned on ending this, but I actually think I like it better. There is an alternate ending if you guys want that later on though. 😉

I hope you enjoyed! Like, reblog, and leave feedback!! 💙

[hoopdiddies]

Rashes (J. D imagine)

A/N: I've added a few touches since I got carried away by the fluff @deakysgurl! Thanks for the request! I hope it's good enough.

14 +49. Road accidents + when they're injured

Warnings: Just mentions of a road accident and some rashes and a bucket load of fluff

Word count : 2k+

Xx Masterlist xX

Here you are, out in the terrace enjoying an egg sandwich in the middle of a heavy, evening downpour– something you ought to question yourself later on. After popping what's left of the sandwich in your mouth, you dust your hands together and make your way back into your room, coming to hear five frantic knocks echo from the front door.

Who could that be in this hour?

"Y/N! Y/N!"

"Please open up! It's us!"

The familiarity of those calls gets you rushing down the steps leading to the door and you hurriedly grapple the knob, swinging the door open to the lads dripping wet from running from the other side of the road in the misty storm with their arms draped around John who appears to be in an utterly bad shape.

"Boys! What happened? Thought you were doing a gig," You assist them in settling John down on one of the couches, paying no mind to the wet mess their soaked clothes are leaving on the tiled floor– and certainly on the couch.

You immediately go by John's side and kneel to check what went wrong. Nothing afflicting his head, that's swell considering the dangers that would have caused him although he's got his forearm and leg wrapped in dressings, hinting that they might have taken him to a hospital to get treated prior to parking at yours.

"He's got nasty road rashes– one running from the side of his left forearm down to the point of his elbow and the other from his knee down to the middle of his leg." Replies Brian who's got his arms crossed at the unfortunate events.

"What happened out there?"

"Motorbike accident. Right after the gig, he rode downtown on one of the sound engineers' bikes to fetch a few parts to fix two of his amps," he kneels down beside you and you tell Freddie and Roger to fetch the first aid kit from one of the cupboards, feeling John's temperature rise with your hand on his moist forehead– he's getting a fever from the rain.

"And?" You get up and settle down beside John, wiping his face free of sweat, combing his damp hair back to calm him down.

"A sudden halt. A man ran recklessly down the pedestrian and caused James to swerve. "

"Bastard," You mutter irritatingly and ask John how he's feeling. So far he's only shaken his head which gives away the obvious. Freddie and Roger return promptly with the kit, a damp cloth and a glass of lukewarm water to ease some heat into John's shivering body.

"Deaky, you'll be fine." Freddie coaxes softly in his ear to alleviate him of his current uneasiness, accidentally nudging his afflicted arm and earning a quick grunt from John. You tell the boys to dry themselves in the bathroom while you take care of him from there.

Some time later after letting him take an antipyretic to reduce his fever and mopping the slippery floor, John insists that the boys go ahead as they have a hectic studio session to push through tomorrow. You've assured them that you'll take care of him and they leave him under your unrelenting watch to which, of course, John cocks a slick eyebrow at in amusement.

Since he's feeling quite under the weather, you'll have to conjure up an activity to keep yourselves entertained through the evening deluge as the night is barely young and neither of you can sleep.

"Want to watch a film?" You crouch carefully between his legs, your elbows propped up on either of his thighs.

"And a cup of tea too, love." He smiles and you rise up to kiss him chastely before heading to the kitchen heat up the kettle.

Halfway through having it whistle, a clap of thunder followed by a power outage seizes all your chances of going through a movie night and you hear John scream briefly from the living room at the sudden spread of darkness.

He's always been that jumpy– and it cracks you up in the slightest.

The kettle whistles and you grab a lamp from under the sink to light up your space as you make John a cup, figuring it would be a hassle if you'd include one for you.

Speed walking to the living room with the lit lamp and his cup in your hands, you worry that he might've jerked his leg and disturbed the wound, rushing to him hastily and panting upon stepping foot into the space.

"John, are you okay? Are you hurt?" Lifting up the lamp to shed some light on him, you find him hugging a throw pillow with his head down, nodding.

He's so vulnerable like this and his position just craves for your hold. A tender smile forms on your lips as you position the lamp next to the couch and the cup on the coffee table within arm's reach.

"I didn't startle you with my fiendish screech, did I?" He looks up at you bashfully through his fluttering lashes, the light spilling from the lamp emphasizing the build of his nose and the refined curves of his lips.

Albeit a little frightened, his soft features outstands the weak shadows cast by them against the low light; giving him a delicate yet fascinatingly heartwarming image that just thaws your heart from the bottom up.

You shake your head and take the space next to him crossing your legs and weaving your fingers with his, brushing your lips over his knuckles. "Nothing's ever fiendish with you, Deaks."

He turns his head to you and smiles back, his lips pressed firm together almost in a pout. "Hmm, thank you for taking care of me. I'm sorry that I had to come home like this. We would've had an easier night, you and me. Don't worry though, a few days and I'll be able to get back out there."

"I'm sure you will and don't be sorry, the important thing is that you're home to spend this gloomy, powerless night with. Besides," you shift in your space and turn your body towards him, the distance between your faces sealing, "despite your rashes, I could use some body heat."

As tempted as you are to do some things with him that don't involve making him scream out bloody murder at the nudge of his dressed rashes, the corner of his lips rise and he shifts closer to you, planting a long kiss on your lips. You giggle into it as he begins chewing on your bottom lip and tugging playfully on it, his hands creeping their way to the back of your neck to draw you in deeper.

"Mmm, John- baby, not tonight. You're badly hurt and with a growing fever." You remind him as you pull away but not far enough to not feel his hot breath fan against your lips.

"You said you needed some body heat."

Your throw your head back in a giggle. "Not in that manner, silly. I'd love to but I don't wanna add to your injuries."

He pouts and his eyes narrow to lazy slits, sighing in defeat. "You're the best kind of medicine for me."

You cock a brow at him. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, lover boy. We could go for a quick round but for now," you rest your head carefully on his lap and gaze up at him from that angle, his eyes gleaming in a pale glow against the low light as he peers down at you, his hand tangling itself in your hair, "why don't you sing us a little song to lighten the mood?"

Knowing very well that doing so was never his strong suit, he gives you an implying look yet you softly encourage him to go for it– with you being the only one who's going to enjoy the first-hand privilege. You know he can sing, he just doesn't have the confidence to push it out of him. His talking voice is already soothing, how much more if it were his singing voice?

"Y/N, come on. You know I can't-"

"John."

"But I have a fever, as you said."

"You do but you sound fine. When did an injury ever stop you from playing bass?" And you're definitely referring to the time he stuck his hand through a glass window drunk and had to get a few stitches afterwards. He stares down at you as he contemplates on it, drawing a deep breath in to start.

"Tonight the darkness seems so deep and silent stars watch as we sleep. The drifter cross the sky, never stop to wonder why," he has his eyes shut during the first line but as he goes on, his eyes open to you in awe at the sound of him finally singing.

"Million eyes could never weep, she lies dreaming like a child. Here beside me all the while. She'll just dream away, until the break of day and gently wake me with a smile." The touch of his warm palm against your cheek as he loses himself in your eyes as he sings sends you up high in cloud nine. Here you are, hearing his mellifluous singing cut through the sound of the harsh storm, unable to believe that this man is actually yours.

"She makes me laugh. She makes me cry. She brings down and takes me high. She fills my life and makes it real. No matter what she does, she makes me feel." And you are his. The air hangs thin between you both as he swallows upon finishing, just anticipating for your reaction. "Y/N?"

With no words to describe what he's made you feel all over again with his singing, you lift your head up to meet his lips and hook your arms around his neck to haul him in deeper. His skin flushed against yours feels heated, literally and it could be from his high body temperature. He whimpers into your mouth and shuts his eyes as he adjusts himself gingerly to feel you better while avoiding grazing his afflicted arm and leg against a surface.

You break away slowly with barely any breaths slowed down, his smile further radiating as he caresses your cheek lovingly through the temporary darkness enveloping you. "You make me feel."

"God, John... I love you so much."

"I love you too, Y/N."

"And I promise, the mark of your singing will remain sacred in this house." You put your hand up as a sign of swearing and he chuckles softly, brushing his thumb delicately over your cheek. "I honestly sound better when I'm looking at you. You really are my best medicine."

With his attention firmly set on you for the night, there's no way in the world he's going to touch the now cooling tea on the coffee table.

[ellyzsx]

Story time

Suicidal thoughts run keen through my head. Driving through Krakow country side I saw a housing estate next to lovely tall trees - forest like - and thought what a lovely area to be able to play as children. Then I wondered which is the tallest tree could I hang myself from? No former context, no sadness, just my empty emotions triggering my brain to tell myself I should be dead. This is how my life is now.

I dream most days and nights of my life ending in disasters. Lachesism. I say I'm scared of when lorrys drive to close or fast past me. But I'm scared for the moments when they don't kill me. People point out that I drive recklessly because they are afraid of the end; I'm not afraid. Driving that way feels like freedom, my chance to escape, even with intent to cause self harm.

I don't want a grave stone, I don't want my ashes to be spread. I want my organs donated and the rest burnt. The ashes can be used in cooking because I am one spicy mother fucker! Joking!! Don't worry, I really just want them turned in to jewelry so I can still shine while I'm gone.

The ironic thing about my situation is that I want to die to end my suffocating thoughts but at the same time I still have little bits of me that knows some of my self worth. Contradictory as it may be, I probably laugh and smile everyday without a doubt but my thoughts of disaster never leave. I work and study hard but I'm still occasionally believe I am a failure in my mind; like I'm always worse than everyone in the room. I love people and helping out everyone, but I think everyone hates me and would be better off not having me around. It's complicated in my mind.

I feel on the road to recovery, I can admit that I'm not okay when I don't feel okay, I know the past history that has gotten me to how I am and I'm seeking help; 3rd increase dose of Anti-depressants, Cognative Behavioural Therapy and many other forms of help I can get. I have supportive friends and family, I'm very lucky that I have my dream career job and I get to go on amazing holidays like just travelling in Poland for the past weekend. I just don't know what it is that drives myself hatrid other than... well myself.

It's a viscious cycle that I can't get escape. I'm motivated and feeling fine one day, something goes wrong very easily that affects me for weeks and then I find a little bit of motivation to build myself back up and it happens again... and again... and again. I try and count my blessings but in order to do that I draw Venn diagrams to see the wrong, okay and right things in my life. It's an occasional thing and the amount of varience I get each time seems like a uncoordinating joke. But It gives me a sense of assurance when things are okay or right for a few weeks in a row.

I've been taught many coping mechanisms in my past 4 years of anxiety and depression. Even writing them down in this form feels weirdly like a strategy. I'm explaining my dark and ugly, following my long journey ahead, and explaining what works for me. Even if one person gains usefulness then this is all worth it.

As we are on the topic of helpfulness: I like being helpful - it gives me a purpose other than selfish motives. If I've been helpful to one person and not to the rest of the crowd I feel like a failure. I desire to be the famous hero who didn't do it for fame but for the sheer enjoyment of people liking them and for a purpose in other people's lives. So I try to help - I volunteer at my local explorer scout group, I help raise and organise charity events, I help and support friends and family. I even try to go the extra mile at work to raise awareness of women in engineering to help inspire and shape them little girls to be the change our industry needs. I also help educate teams on mental well-being and illnesses with in the work place to bring the awareness to here and now.

All positive were written there, but the underlying negative abuse I hurl at myself for everything I've not been enough help on or not doing at all hurts:

"I'm not helpful I'm just in the way, I'm pathetic, I'm a waste of space, they don't need me, they'd be better off without me, it's not working you're a failure, you are making it more worse, stop trying you aren't a good person for doing it."

Just as them thoughts constantly pass through my mind another extreme example from this evening I write on - I was on the train back from Birmingham walking through derby station, I had the thought that I could run away on any train go ahead and not look back and when I'm on the train I can take every single tablet I own and swallow it to die. Or i could come back another night with a home made bomb and make sure I'm in a carraige with no people in it. Why not die? Make it a dramatic escape. Even in the last few typed words I had the thought of jumping in front of a train which would take no effort and only affect 1 person's life than my own. Why do I have these thoughts? Am I a physco path planning my death at every opportunity?

Reading back the first few paragraphs I see how contradicting my thought patterns are. Living with Anxiety and Depression for me is being followed by a voice, it knowing all my insicurities and how to use them against me. It gets to a point where it's the loudest voice in a room, that I can't hear anything else. I don't remember a time when it wasn't like this, when the voices didn't make me feel empty and alone inside. What's even worse is a lot of the people I have opened my heart to have let me down, causing me to shut down further.

My past history is not brilliant, I never felt secure with my friends, I was harassed in college and I've always struggled to maintain my apperance. I've been through some tough break ups of friends and partners and my relationships with family has not always been stable. One thing I find hard is to love myself and know myself worth when the people around you don't like you and tell you that you aren't good enough. But through all this at the same time I've had some amazing times.

I do want to be happy. I just feel useless most days. I try not to complain but the grass isn't always greener and I feel in constant mud. It sounds pathetic but I feel like I'm in a rut. At the moment everything is fine with friends and work. It I don't feel important. I don't feel as if there is any worth to my day's. I get up, go to work, and then do nothing until I get home and sleep. I mean sure I go to netball, dance, yoga and I volunteer at a scout group but it doesn't feel like I'm doing any of it for myself and I'm slowly giving up on trying to please those around me.

But I guess I do it for the hope of my future, for the one, for the wedding, for the kids, for the house, for the lazy Sunday morning lie ins with the loved ones. It's all a fantasy.

Tonight at explorers we were doing first aid training and one scenario was that one of the boys had a cut on his wrist and he was bleeding out. Through those discussions I was thinking how I could slit my wrists and drown in the bath and no one would be able to put me in the recovery position. Another perfect idea but inconveniencing whomever finds me. It doesn't sicken me thinking of myself this way. Maybe it's how I'm meant to be.

My mum tells me I should think positive thoughts but it's like an urge to plan how I should die. Another disaster I saw was a crash this morning. I wish I was in the place of the other person.

Not paying attention to lectures is becoming a really bad habit. I still haven't started writing for my digital assignment which is due in 5 days! But I have decided I would like to end up working for the Naval group in Adelaide Australia! I finally have an aim!! It feels good and when I travel there next year I will get to see if it's what I desire!

Another person has just unfriended me on Snapchat? What the hell have I done wrong now? I'm getting sick of being made out to be the bad guy all of the time :/ And now Facebook!! All for shutting him down over complaining that people can't be themselves or get offended. I've had enough of this work force, it literally is a battle every week just to keep peace. I don't want to listen to your political opinion every 2 minutes I'm sorry but I'm here to work. The ignorance of some people.

Do you know what I'm going to work my arse off and start this assignment today and prepare the manufacturing question to prove to the haters that they only make me more powerful :) oh the contrast in these paragraphs is funny.

This afternoon I spoke to my mum on how all my emotional trauma started. She understands now and it feels like a relief to be honest. I've just been to netball and I feel like I've played really well!

I have decided on a main goal within my career! Naval group Adalaide Australia! (Not long term but a few years in Australia won't do me harm in my life time! Now I've explored the majority of Europe it's time to step in to the big leagues!) Naval group design submarines for the Australian Navy and with my career path I hope that I will have the opportunity to be able to try and apply for a job there some day in the next 15 years! Now I just need to maintain motivation.

What to do when motivation is running low in the future:

• Find the worth of what you are doing

• research and re-inspire!

• be powerful enough to overcome the ruts!

• believe in yourself - you are capable!

• remove any distractions

I just read a quote that said 'don't worry darling this is just a chapter, not your whole story' and I thought well it's a fucking long one! I'm sat drinking mocha staring outside of a uni window in a corridor I look so depressed it's funny! I just needed to get away from the noise and the stress. I only want to talk to one person but he doesn't know that and it's starting to stress me out but it's my own fault for falling for him when he told me not to. On the plus side I definitely want a nice view in my house when i move to Aussie! I mean looking outside to wet britain it's really nice but sunny aus will be tonnes better!

I'm stressed, my brain hurts and I'm tired. I really want this assignment gone. I'm physically in pain from yoga and I'm exhausted :( moan moan moan moan I'm even pissing myself off. I could do with a power nap or somewhere comfortable to sit. I also miss my earphones :(

Just met a lovely man and had a chinwag it was distracting but it's nice to get to know people without it being depressing all the time!

I was in a one night stand with a 28 year old in a 7 year relationship. Put myself on tinder.

I'm tired of people they never fail to disappoint me

Netball is good though! Proper enjoyed chatting with everyone! Good stress relief and even though I haven't done much it took my mind off the crap earlier.

It's been a while

It's working

I feel ok

I'm no longer a mess

I can stop these thoughts

I counter act them

Not everyone hates me