#literally where's that post about 'i can overcome anything so long as i have an obsession'

[katierosefun]

no one asked, but my favorite study technique is truly the pomodoro method and i also really adore putting on minecraft lofi mixes in the background. it's fine. everything is so chill. calm down. you are suddenly a 13 year old again, playing minecraft after school and exploring mines with your kid siblings and life is going to be okay

[firelxdykatara]

I too ship Zutara and think they should have been canon. Although for me it's important to know how such a rewrite would go down. I tried to think, and I'm lost.

After Mai betrayed Azula for him, will he just go "sorry, not interested"? He isn't obligated to date her because of this, but her redemption hinges on Zuko and I don't see it being satisfying if he ends up rejecting her after this.

I thought the solution would be to rewrite her arc in boiling rock to make her have a moral realization, but then the problem with Maiko is practically solved. Their relationship wasn't salvaged by her redemption because last time they talked, Mai still didn't understand what's wrong with the Fire Nation and only changed because she loved Zuko. So how do you make it both satisfying & logical?

With Kataang the problem is the Chakras. The problem with the original (in my opinion) is that after he opened his chakra, letting go of his attachment to Katara, he's still attached (forcing a kiss on eip). Should TCoD get rewritten so that Azula shoots him before he opens it? Then why wouldn't he just open it later? Maybe the chakra would be locked so he feels as though he doesn't need to overcome his attachment just yet. In that situation, how would his chakra even unlock? The stone thing felt like nonsense, so how would I do it?

So yeah I have no idea how to approach this. How would you? (Thanks)

I've been rotating this ask in the back of my head like a rotisserie chicken for a few days--it's interesting because I don't generally stop to think like, how would I write them out of these relationships, I either ignore the relationships completely (which isn't hard, they were barely footnotes in the cartoon) or play a little bit with jealous exes or something. Thinking about like, In A Perfect World where Bryke wasn't in charge of ATLA post-canon (because if zutara had been canon, you can be sure they would've made us regret it) is interesting, and I do have thoughts on how I'd handle their relationships in a rewrite.

(this got long, so the rest is beneath the cut)

Assuming you mostly want to keep canon intact, I think maiko would be the easiest to work around, given how little relevance their relationship has in canon. The problem with maiko as an endgame ship is that it was not set up that way--if it had been, it would not have begun entirely off-screen and their whole relationship would not have been a study in misery and utter inability to connect emotionally. His relationship with Mai was there to showcase just how much he had changed and how little he fit into the life he had been so sure he wanted more than anything since his banishment. It worked very well to highlight Zuko's growth--how that contrasted to Mai's lack of it and why she could not understand him even at his most open and vulnerable--and did not work nearly so well when she was shoved back with him in the epilogue, after he'd quite literally forgotten her existence (he never mentions her again after Boiling Rock, not even to say a word of mourning, considering he'd have every reason to believe she was killed for defying his sister).

I don't think you can fix this by giving Mai some moral realization, because there simply is no room for it. As @araeph says in the essay I linked:

As a character, Mai is very useful to the story during Zuko’s return, because she represents everything that Zuko gains by sticking by his father. A girl who cares about him; the ability to indulge her; the authority he has over others at the palace; we see it all in his interactions with Mai. But this makes Mai a tether to a life he has long outgrown. Her function is not to advance Zuko’s character development, but to obstruct it, which also unfortunately means that Mai gaining a full understanding of Zuko’s trials would be disadvantageous to the story. If she knew everything about him and still wanted him to stay, it would give Zuko more cause than he should have to remain in the Fire Nation, but if she knew and encouraged him to leave and join the Avatar, it would rob Zuko of the triumph of making this decision on his own. In other words, there are good narrative reasons for keeping Mai in the dark; it just doesn’t make their relationship any stronger.

The seeds of a genuine redemption arc (one that includes some sort of moral realization and change to her moral framework) for Mai would have to have been planted far earlier than five episodes from the end of the series, but doing so would have of necessity detracted from Zuko's own character arc and the realizations that he makes despite his attachment to Mai (or more specifically to their relationship, which I feel like he was clinging to more out of a sense of abject loneliness he couldn't shake rather than genuine feelings and emotional connection).

So, in my mind, since we're tackling this with an eye towards getting rid of maiko with the fewest ripples to the overall story anyway, the easiest way to do this would be make one slight change to the end of the Boiling Rock two-parter--have Ty Lee (who had always been the least gung-ho of the trio about bowing to Azula's whims and had to be textually threatened into joining her in the first place) save Zuko's life, and then have Mai (who showed the most genuine affection for Ty Lee anyway) save Ty Lee. I love Zuko more than I fear you always fell flat for me as some epic declaration of love, anyway, since a) Zuko is not around to hear it, and b) unlike Ty Lee, she never showed much fear of Azula to begin with, so it wasn't a very high bar to clear. It was a cool line that was entirely unearned, and I don't think it would be missed, there would be some cute mailee crumbs this way, and a throwaway line of getting them released from the prison after the war ended could wrap up their presence in the story pretty nicely.

Now, kataang is a little trickier, if only because the last leg of Aang's character arc is almost completely derailed by his refusal to let go of his possessive attachment to Katara, to the point where he never naturally reopens his chakras, he has to have the Rock of Destiny hit him in just the right place, and the deus ex lionturtle there to give him a way out of having to make a hard moral choice. (I've maintained for years that if you work the final act of your main character's overall arc in such a way that it could have been solved by one good session with a chiropractor, something got fucked along the way.)

The thing about Aang's chakras is that, narratively, his whole thing with Guru Pathik and leaving his training early to save his friends was basically his version of Luke running away from his training with Yoda on Degobah because of his Force vision, only to find out that his friends were in the process of rescuing themselves and then losing his hand because he hadn't completed the most crucial part of his training. What's missing, therefore, from the last act of Aang's character arc, is the return.

See, in Star Wars, Luke pretty explicitly makes the wrong choice when he chooses to prioritize saving his friends over attaining enlightenment and fully mastering the Force. It was the only choice he could have made, but it was still the wrong one--because, like Aang, his friends did not actually need him to save them, he actually almost makes it harder for them to get away by requiring them to save him because, like Aang, he loses a battle in a very critical way. This was a lesson he desperately needed to learn, and it is clear he has learned it by the time he makes it back to Degobah and witnesses the end of Yoda's life, his own enlightenment having already been reached.

But Aang never goes back to the Guru.

And the text refuses to allow us to sit with the fact that he made the wrong choice in prioritizing his attachment to Katara over his ability to master the Avatar State. He is actually narratively vindicated about it, because the plot bends itself into a pretzel so that he doesn't have to spend any time during the last book trying to reopen his chakras and regain access to the Avatar State, handed both in the final battle with no excess effort on his part, and handed the girl into the bargain. (The girl who never even wanted him, so far as we can tell from all the lack of cues she gave him that she actually returned his feelings.)

And I think this could have been solved with a few scattered scenes. Let Katara actually have some agency in her own romantic relationship (or lack thereof), insofar as noticing Aang's advances and clueing the audience in to how she actually feels. Let Aang struggle with the fact that he can't reach the Avatar State, that his mastery of the elements is in limbo because he can't access his full power, rather than ignoring all of this until the end of the show. If we're trying to keep the shape of the last season roughly the same, let Katara confront Aang about the invasion kiss.

This would have been the perfect time to establish that Katara actually does feel some type of way about Aang prior to the epilogue, and it could have saved us from the exceedingly cringey EIP kiss that Aang never apologized for. How it comes across now, of course, is that Katara basically pretends it never even happened, to the point where she doesn't even know what Aang is talking about during EIP until he reminds her--the death knell for any shot their relationship had at looking requited, because I can tell you, as someone who's been a teenage girl, if someone I had conflicted but burgeoning romantic feelings for had kissed me, I would not have completely forgotten about it only a few weeks later--and we never get any indication as to what she actually felt about the kiss (which was not mutual, despite what Aang's dialogue in the EIP scene implies) except for the fact that she looked away and frowned afterwards. (A change mandated by Bryke, who wanted to leave her feelings completely ambiguous; the original storyboards had her smiling to herself.)

So, with an eye towards wrapping up Aang's puppy love crush and establishing Katara's distinct lack of romantic feelings for him, have her talk to him about the kiss. A good frame of reference for this would be Meng's conversation with Aang in "The Fortuneteller", where she finally realizes that he doesn't like her in the same way she likes him. Katara and Aang's conversation about the invasion kiss could be a callback to this, with Aang having some important realizations--that just because Katara doesn't share his feelings doesn't mean she loves him any less, and just because he can't have her the way he wanted doesn't mean he has to love her any less, that she doesn't belong to him but that's ok, because she's still his family and they'll always have each other's backs. Which could have functioned well in helping him take another step towards unblocking his chakras. Going back to the Guru directly may not have worked, since by this point in the story we're hurtling towards the final confrontation and Sozin's Comet, but let Aang reflect on what the Guru told him with new understanding granted him by his experiences throughout the first half of the season.

To keep the stakes high and up the suspense, obviously, he shouldn't have fully unlocked his chakras and the AS before the final fight, but the seeds could be planted--little moments like a talk with Katara about the invasion kiss, maybe a little more empathy and understanding from him about why Katara needs closure in TSR, etc--and then, during the final fight, rather than hand him all the answers on a silver platter, have him almost lose. He still can't go full Avatar, he's out of time, he still doesn't know exactly what to do about Ozai given his own pacifism and desire to preserve that part of his culture--he tries to fight but he's pretty quickly overpowered. Idk how I would've animated this, and maybe it wouldn't have looked as cool for the final fight, but the true climax of the finale was the Zuko and Azula agni kai anyway, so it hardly matters--I'm picturing him doing the rock-shield thing and going into a brief meditative state, where he finally achieves the enlightenment necessary to unlock the AS on his own, no rock of chiropracty necessary. And at this point, I'd give Ozai a Disney Death, since leaving him alive causes more problems than it solves and it's not necessary for Aang to kill him for him to die--they're fighting on a mountain ffs--but if you don't want to change that part then him figuring out energy bending as part of becoming a fully realized Avatar would at least feel more earned than the lionturtle just handing it to him. (And that could've been foreshadowed better by seeding the idea for it earlier in the season.)

After all of that, particularly if you up the emotions during the agni kai and have Zuko and Katara kiss there (or something less explicitly romantic but still tender, like a brief forehead touch), it'd feel pretty natural to have a just friends ending for Aang and Katara. Maybe a brief, slightly awkward but ultimately amiable conversation if Zuko and Katara had a ~thing at their final fight, and then the final shot of the series could be the gaang all together, maybe zutara holding hands or Katara resting her head on his shoulder or something, but since they already kissed there wouldn't feel like a need to end the whole show on romance, something which I've always felt missed the point of the series.

And then, y'know, after that, the world's your oyster! This is how I'd do it if I were trying to keep the bulk of the final season intact. Of course, breaking it all down to its component pieces and rebuilding from the ground up is also an option, but that'd probably be a longer post lol.

[54bpm]

Tips For Vtubers

Howdy there, I’m Liv and I’m a vtuber much like you, but I’ve been here the whole time so I’m here to compile stuff for you to help make your transition less scary.

To start, here’s is a post with a lot of tips for general tumblr use and here’s one for giving your blog a custom theme.

Beyond that here’s other things that aren’t mentioned but are gonna be relevant for you:

If you’re coming back to tumblr know that you can’t follow from your sideblog, if you want to follow back it will be from your main, as will your likes, replies, asks. Decide what to do with this information now before you settle into a blog.

Fully explore the settings, there's a ton of stuff hiding in there. AND do it on PC at least once, some stuff is not in the app.

Blogs have individual block lists, no idk why either. So if you want someone banned from everything you need to do that manually.

 Also enable tumblr Labs! It’s got reblog graphs which are rad (my beloved orbs) And alternate dashboards, the Blog Subscriptions one is my fave because it means all you have to do is turn on notifications to get all your fave guys in one dashboard.

Contrary to popular belief there is still a porn and adult content community here, if you want to get anywhere near them you have to have age in bio or they’ll smite you. EDIT: I posted more about how to navigate lewdposting here.

Tiktok embeds don't play nice with tumblr for some reason, if you also do tiktok then just reupload your videos and link your account there underneath.

The link post type will show up for your followers but there’s a chance it won’t show up in any tags, so don’t do going live posts like that.

BUT you can straight up embed your stream into your posts! As long as you're using the New Post Editor you should see this menu:

Click the video camera, link to your twitch and bam. There it is. You can also do this with the video post type! If you're ever worried about your post format getting bonked just go through the tags and see what posts that DO make it are doing. Together we can overcome spaghetti code.

General "tumblr culture" is to not comment on posts but its not one thats set in stone, your fellow small vtuber account is probably dying for interaction so comment on posts! scream in the tags! send funny asks! Getting interaction right now is going to be a big comfort during a weird time.

Oh yeah we have ask boxes built in, no marshmallow needed.

ALSO we have pinned posts just like twitter, but as long as you want! Put your ref & socials & art tag (yes you can keep your fanart tags) & your minors DNI & a picture of your cat if you want.

OH I do suggest picking out tags for your personal content if you plan to also do reblogging, makes it easy for newcomers to find what you're doing.

#vtuber and #indie vtuber are full of fanart for the big guys. If you wanna find each other use #vtuber uprising

Okay this post is getting so long but final tip: check out custom pages. They're on the custom theme menu and they're basically mini webpages on your blog that can have their own coding. You can do Literally Whatever. Lore! Credit page! Ref sheets! I once put a choose your own adventure where you navigated by clicking specific parts of a picture on tumblr pages. I Mean Anything.

That's all for now, please add other tips if you want. And please reblog! Not just this post but other peoples too! This will all be way less of a drag if we can find each other. 💖

EDIT: One more thing, lolisho shit Does Not Fly here. They are some of the only tags that tumblr has actually shadowbanned and there is a reporting criteria for it to get taken down. It also doesn't fly on my blog! Begone!!

[emblazons]

I said I was gonna so a whole long post about the monologue after my rewatch so: having watched the whole Vecna monologue v Mike monologue that happens in the Piggyback in full for the first time in actual months…god damn. Just.

There is no way to understand what’s happening with El (and her relationship with Mike) during the monologue without looking at Vecna's monologue that comes right before it. There just isn’t, and if you try you’re 100% going to miss critical context for why things happen the way they do both in mlvn’s relationship and on screen.

First off: after what Vecna says to her, El is fully in self-defeat (and self-loathing) mode. She’d just learned that every single attempt of hers to do "right" with the knowledge she had at the time had actually been useful to the person destroying her world—

—and despite trying so hard to overcome her sense of destructiveness about things like scaring Mike and hitting Angela by going to “learn who she is” at Nina, it turned out that even the moments she perceived as her “heroic” ones (like closing the gate and stopping the mindflayer monster in S3) were actually tools useful to Vecna…just like her Piggybacking in to save Max.

El is literally hearing that even her best attempts at being “good” were used for evil, which makes her an accomplice to Vecna even if she didn’t mean to be—

—which we're shown, as El remembers all the moments she thought she was "helping" only to be told each one of those was her having her powers used by Henry/Vecna.

If that wasn't enough, we literally watched as El paralleled herself directly to the person whose powers are now being used to destroy the world, even as we (the audience) know most of what is happening is just Vecna do what he does best by tapping into her deepest core fears.

Vecna adds insult to injury here by making it clear that he once "wanted her by his side" in the first place (aka the powers she's been trying to use for good cannot be divorced from bad things)—

—and from this second onward (in El's perception at least) there is no way for her powers to be used correctly even when she wants to be helpful—which is why she “gives up,” lets the vine loop around her neck in the first place, and stares unmoving and crying at Max.

Basically: What Vecna says steals even the little resolve she gained back at Nina…which is why she stops fighting entirely.

Now, all of this is an extremely fair reason to feel defeated and dejected about trying to fight (on top of traumatizing af for El)—

—the problem is (like everything else wrong in their relationship) Mike once again has no sense of El’s internal state because she doesn’t and has not historically shared it (or can’t in this case), and therefore can only answer what he externally perceives her state to be—which he guesses, based on their last argument, has to do with him not being able to say he loves her.

The disjointedness between what is really happening with El and what Mike wrongly perceives the issue to be is why we see El not only look repeatedly displeased by his confession—

—but why the only thing she can think of in relation to Mike positively is his initial rescue, when he takes her to a space where her powers are neutral / unknown (and not the force for evil even her best attempts at using them just became in her mind).

That dissonance is also why she doesn’t fight until he starts saying she need to get over herself and save someone else…which is why she looks at Max and decides to fight anyway.

In truth, Mike could have glossed over the entirety of the “I love you," "not I'm scared of you but I’m afraid of losing you” part and just said “I believe you can do anything, but right you need to fight” and gotten the same result, given that what needed to be addressed was her self-loathing, not Mike’s (lack of) romantic affections.

Basically: even if they weren’t on the precipice of a breakup, Mike’s love wasn’t going to make up for the fact that El has basically just learned that what Brenner said was true—she wasn’t ready, not even physically, but mentally…because she was not prepared to learn that even her best attempts at saving the world were actually helping Henry build to the end of it.

Combine that with the fact that she ends up losing Max despite trying to fight with Mike's encouragement...on top of the fact that all of her relationship with Mike was rooted in her wanting to feel "normal" (aka what Vecna just shot out the window permanently)?

...no amount of "I love you's" from a boy as insecure as Mike (who she keeps at emotional distance) is was going to help that, especially given that Mike was directly mirroring what Brenner (who she literally cannot stand atp) said to her trying to encourage her.

All of this...we haven't even touched on anything happening on Mike's side or how her powers (that he so admires her for) are now officially "evil" in El's mind, never mind every other aspect of their incompatibility? ☠️

—I know I'm gonna move from this post on to how what Brenner said to her about "facing the good and the bad / humans are rarely so simple" is actually how El's arc has to be resolved in the end, but.

For now I'm at 30 images and anything more would get convoluted easy, so I'll just leave us (and my million mile an hour thoughts) here.

[troius]

I just want to say a few things before you get to the end. First up, it's been a pleasure to read your thoughts on the series; like any fan, you have your own unique interpretations and it's always good to read how fans see certain scenes. It's also been fantastic to see fellow fans respond to your posts adding on to what you've written, again bringing your thoughts out more and generating discussion.

Also, seeing your thoughts has made me appreciate scenes and characters I never thought I would -- Yamamoto for instance, who would've thought?! They've also reminded me of why I fell in love with the series as much as I did, from the artwork to the themes to the incredible bonds between the characters. You've reminded me that BLEACH has it's flaws that can sometimes take you out of the story, but when it hits, it 100% HITS! It's a manga that's about the bonds we form, how they can help us overcome challenges and be a source of light in our lives. It's about the ways we overcome grief and the fear of death, whether it's literally fighting your way through it or slowly coming to a state of acceptance as time goes on. It's about the 'hearts' of people, about what they look like and how they're shared between those you choose. I could go on and on, but then this would become an essay and we'd be here all day.

All of this is to say, thank you for choosing to create a Tumblr account and deciding to read the series and give your thoughts along the way. I can't believe you've finally reached the end, it almost feels like I'm saying goodbye to the manga again!! I don't think I'm the only one here who sees you as a big and valued part of the community on here, so I hope you'll be sticking around! :)

Thank you so much Rays! Response under the cut because it went long.

This won't surprise you, but I too have grown in my appreciation for the series over the course of the uh three years that I've run this blog. Bleach has character concepts I've never seen elsewhere. It has moments of storytelling brilliance. It has truly, phenomenally astonishing art.

But more than anything else, I, like you, am impressed by the heart. For a story that's largely about the afterlife, Bleach is shockingly humanistic, locating virtue not in any system of belief, in any group or faction in the various conflicts that provide the setting for the manga, but in people. All people, whether they're our extremely relatable teenage protagonist and his friends, the occasionally sketchy adults in his life, or the various adversaries ranging from evil monsters to supernatural samurai to a regular-ass gang to a foreign apocalypse cult. Bleach never, not once, lets the viewer fall into the comfortable childish space of believing that there's good people and bad people in the world.

There's just people. Sometimes these people want to do bad things, like execute their sisters, or kidnap your girlfriend, or isolate you from your family, or destroy the entire world. Bleach doesn't flinch away from that either. But it (again, very humanistically) locates those bad actions not in the individual human beings, but in our relationships with one another through the systems and structures we've created to organize ourselves.

And yet in the face of the idea that humans do their worst work through other people, that's also where Bleach locates its greatest virtue. Alone, we're nothing. It's the bonds that we have with others that are what make life worth living, that are the source of everything good in this world. And navigating that dynamic, between spiritual bonds and structural shackles...that's really what adult life is all about, isn't it?

Anyhow, my adult life has been greatly enriched by all of you on here. But I'll take the chance to thank you specifically Rays, for being such a source of joy. Your positivity and passion are the sort of thing that makes a humble blogger want to come back for more, and I've deeply enjoyed hearing all of your thoughts, not just on my liveblog, but through your own posts and writing. I'll be sticking around for sure.

[raayllum]

Do you truly believe that Callum is the only best thing that's happened to Rayla?

I don't think Callum is the only good thing in Rayla's life, but I do absolutely agree with her sentiment that he's the best thing she's ever had / that's ever happened to her. This is for a few reasons (mostly only talking about arc 1 as that's the time she's referring to, but I'm also gonna be touching on S4/S5):

In Bloodmoon Huntress, the long time headcanon of post-s1-s3 fans that Rayla was a relatively friendless / lonely child was confirmed. This makes Callum and Ezran her first real friends, and while she's more likely to lean on Ezran for support (in arc 1 at least) initially than Callum is, Callum is still more so her peer (due to being similar ages) and is her first and main Best Friend. For that alone, I'd buy her statement.

Then there's the other ways Callum has changed her life. He is:

The person who inspired her to actively work towards breaking the cycle past the point of 1) believing it was right for Zym to return home and 2) to make up for her parents' perceived/failures mistakes, as seen most prominently in 2x07. This is something she is willing to die for, and while Rayla is (unfortunately) willing to die for many things, this is the cause she believes in and feels centred in: "Every fibre in my body is telling me that [leaving her] is wrong [...] It doesn't just feel like the right thing to do, it feels like the right thing for me to do. It's where I'm meant to be." ("Look at yourself, Rayla. Who are you? What do you stand for? Once you know that, you'll end up where you were always meant to be.") Someone giving you a much more positive worldview that aligns with your values and sense of rightness is certainly a big deal (and a positive one, particularly for someone who's struggled with hesitating over what feels right for so much of her life.

Callum is the first person in Rayla's life to love her wholly unconditionally. While Rayla is deeply loved by all four of her parents, and I've gone on record saying that Tiadrin and Lain didn't do anything wrong, arc 1 sees Rayla brush up against the lingering cultural hangups and choices that make her family's love for her feel if not outright be somewhat conditional. She is shunned by her village (condition 1), while Ethari says goodbye to her and embraces her he still turned his back on her (condition 2), Runaan was heavily disappointed in her betrayal of him/the mission and left her (condition 3), and her parents put their duty over her / being her parents (condition 4). Callum says fuck all that shit. He refuses to leave even when she's pushing him away. He loves and admires her for the exact things she's been punished or shamed for ("You have true courage and a big heart" -> "Even when her own people might misunderstand and turn against her"). He says she doesn't deserve to be Ghosted, she doesn't deserve to be unjustly turned away for a mistake she didn't even make, he says and shows that it's okay for her to be scared and that she can (and should) rely on him.

This is even more intrinsically tethered given Chasing Shadows and the canon fact that Callum and his love for her 1) kept her from throwing what little remained of her life away entirely and 2) literally kept her from forsaking her name/identity/everything else that makes her Rayla and 3) gave her the courage to try and come home to somewhere she'd be safe and loved, even if she knew/felt she didn't deserve to. There's an underlying belief in Chasing Shadows we see carry through into S4 where Rayla truly believes Callum can do and overcome just about anything, and if he can do the impossible, then maybe so can she:

She backed away, close to the pit’s edge. The crowd shouted and screamed at her ears, their spittle landing on her neck. It rattled her. The human kicked dirt at her, and Rayla scraped at her eyes, angry—infuriated, even. Humans were frustrating. Humans were clever. Humans could do anything, they could be anything, they could take their own fates and change them—

It is for all these reasons that Rayla clearly considers him to be her family and the love of her life. She gives him the pendant (from Ethari to Runaan, then Ethari to her, and then her to Callum) as a symbol of both familial and romantic love. He seems to be the first person she's had serious feelings for and certainly the first person she's fallen in love with.

She was originally going to confess first (2x09) back when she clearly didn't have any thought or inclination he'd ever love her back, either. Then he did, and it elevated an already very steady and safe relationship to one that was good natured, even more incredibly supportive, and wholly unconditional.

And given how he supports and loves her in S4 and S5, I am even more inclined to think she's Right <3

[heyedora]

been rewatching she-ra and man, in the shadows of mystacor will always be one of my favourite episodes. like, top 3 material, easily.

(cw: abuse mention (via talking about the themes of it in spop)

i mean, years ago when it first came out, as someone who had recently experienced severe abuse, the line "you have no power over me anymore!" like, changed something in me, it was incredible. that entire fight sequence with her and shadow weaver at the end, where SW is using her tactics again, but this time around adora is familiar with it and fights back - it's a super inspiring scene (always makes me cry). and at the time, it was so amazing for me to see, because it's important for people to see they're not their abuse and they can overcome it, right? but this time around i realized - the reason that adora has the strength to fight back is because of her connections with other people. she's been away from the horde for awhile now, and she has the comparison of how her new friends (who haven't known her that long!) treat her, and it's their belief in her, and the fact that adora knows, without a doubt, that they love her, that helps her recognize the manipulative way that SW is speaking to her. just a great episode all around for telling people that healing is possible and each day you spend healing, you gain just that bit more power to fight back.

something else this episode does a great job with? showing the dangers of toxic positivity! the entire episode, adora is severely on edge - she can't relax, she can't sleep, she's quite literally being haunted by shadow minions (let's call those manifestations of trauma/abuse, for the sake of this post). glimmer and bow keep assuring her she's safe, and the danger can't reach her here, and they mean well, but this makes adora even more anxious. and it's because she is in danger, because SW is there, and she knows it. this is almost like, textbook what i learned in therapy - after a traumatic situation, it will take a long time before your body knows you're safe (i could go into detail about how trauma lives in your nervous system but i'll save that for another day). for adora, the threat is still there, even if other people can't see it. forcing her to relax isn't going to help anything. and through the ep, bow and glimmer slowly try to help in other ways - even when they finally let adora talk about what's worrying her (her history with SW), that helps her a bit because she can get the comfort she needs. and after listening, bow suggests trying something else, like "hitting something", because he's trying to understand how she best deals with stress. but it's not until adora faces SW - her feelings, the danger - and acknowledges that she was right, the danger was there, but! she has new skills now, and is surrounded by loved ones, and she can fight back - that's when the feeling/the shadows go away. and then, the best part!!! glimmer and bow apologize because they realize that they needed to really listen to adora and let her feel her anxiety and her feelings, not force her to ignore them and focus on other, more relaxing things. and then, after she's faced those feelings and has talked about them, she's able to admit she's tired, and she falls asleep on the beach. and when she wakes up in a panic, who's there, keeping watch over her? glimmer and bow (i literally tear up every time). because they learned what adora needs, and what adora needs is to be allowed to be scared, with her friends right by her so she feels safe being afraid. it's just a great lesson, especially for a kids show, that all your feelings are valid - even fear and anxiety.

and!!! during the fight with SW, she can't activate her sword or become she-ra - but when she decides to stand up to SW, the sword turns into a shield for the first time! because it doesn't take power to stand up for yourself. she holds that shield and defeats SW as adora. because you can do it afraid. you can face your feelings and release other people's power over you, and you don't need to be scary or offensive to do it, or even strong, you just need to have the desire to protect yourself. GOD. this show.

[ultramarine-spirit]

Spoon's Q&A, fun facts and more! (NHK Culture Center Class)

As promised, I have translated the contents of Spoon's NHK class. This post includes answers to the Q&A, fun facts and interesting info I noticed from the session.

Disclaimer: Unless stated otherwise, these aren't direct quotes, nor a literal or complete translation of the whole class (it was over an hour long, it would have taken me much longer...), it's a summary. Also, Spoon talked very fast, so while I fact-checked my notes with native speakers and translators, I could have made mistakes.

Many thanks to my friends @carlachen and @ mananokobako on Twitter for sharing their notes with me!

Q&A

Q: The outfits featured on “Who Made Me A Princess” are very beautiful, what’s the process behind their designs? [Note: This was my question!]

A: When designing the outfits, Spoon researches the appropriate aristocratic costumes and dress codes, mainly from the 1870’s and 1880’s. She also uses material collections, books about clothing and web seaches, and used them as reference for details and hairstyles. In fact, this process could get very research-intensive and take many hours, something Spoon hadn’t anticipated, so she thanks the readers for liking them and taking notice of the clothes’ details.

Q: How did you come up with the name "Spoon"?

A: A friend recommended it to me, saying that the pronunciation of the word "spoon" was cute and that it suited my illustrations.

Q: While there are happy times when you draw manga, you must have also experienced many difficult and sad times. Is there anything that gave you the strength to overcome those difficult times?

A: The words of support and feedback from the readers gave Spoon strenght. When she heard that one of them was able to overcome depression after reading "Who Made Me A Princess", she was really moved to tears. Another happy event she remembers was when a foreign reader sent her a letter and a gift through the publisher company. She was so grateful that they would come all the way here [Korea], and also thanks the publisher company.

Q:  What’s the most important thing to focus on while doing art, and is it needed to receive formal education or one could be self-taught? This may be a contradictory question, but what do you do when you lose interesting in drawing or you don't want to draw? Also, what’s your favorite type of ramen? [Yes this is the correct translation lol]

A: Spoon believes that the most important thing while doing art is to complete your work. If you don't complete it first, you can’t find flaws or bad points in your art to improve. Whether you learn by self-study or by attending art school, if you can become a professional or not depends on your effort. Try to be as specific as possible in your goals, and think about what you need to do to become better at painting than you are now. When Spoon is feeling unmotivated, she thinks to myself, "If I take a break now, I will regret it later, won't I?".

Among Korean ramen, a type called of sesame ramen called "Chamke ramen" is Spoon's favorite.

Q: I was always impressed by the beauty of Spoon-sensei's paintings. I wanted to know if there is an artist that influenced your art.

A: Spoon’s style has been influenced by the art of Naoko Takeuchi [Called it] author of Sailor Moon, Ikuko Ito, creator of Princess Tutu and animation director of the original Sailor Moon anime, and Katekyo Hitman Reborn’s author, Akira Amano [In fact, Spoon is a big fan of the series. You can check some of her old fanart here]. Spoon says that she respects them very much.

Q: Do you have any stories, manga, TV dramas or anime that have been greatly influential for you?

A: Studio Ghibli’s Nausicaä and Laputa: Castle in the Sky, and Disney’s Moana, stories where the female protagonist has adventures and overcomes adversity. Spoon thinks those stories of growth are really wonderful.

Q: What’s your favorite anime?

A: Spoon likes all the films directed by Hayao Miyazaki.

Q: The person asking this questions comments that, after reading "Who Made Me A Princess" they gradually became interested in family stories in which two characters who were indifferent before become close and come to cherish each other very much. Their question is, since there are many combinations and genre settings, if there's a particular pattern or setting that Spoon personally likes.

A: Spoon likes to see a character change depending on emotions such as love and friendship. Emotions are intangible, but they have the power to change a person's personality and behavior. She thinks that's what is so wonderful about it.

Q: At what stage do you draw the shadows? Do you add them in from the beginning or in the middle [of the process of painting]? Also, when do you start thinking about putting shadows in there? I would like to know if there are any points you are conscious of when drawing.

A: Spoon adds shadows when she is considering the surrounding lighting of the drawing. Even if the object in particular is a flat surface, it's important to paint it as if it were three-dimensional. In order to get better at this, it's absolutely necessary to carefully observe photographs to see the way in which shadows are cast when an object is exposed to light.

Q: When you are drawing, which part do you like the most?

A: Spoon enjoys when she is putting the finishing touches the most. She is filled with a sense of accomplishment after completing it.

Q: In some scenes, Athy does a swirly gesture with her arms when she is embarrassed. The person who asked this question doesn’t quite understand it, as it’s not something you see in Japanese manga, and would like Spoon to explain it a little.

A: [Spoon shows gifs of Korean TV shows where the participants make a sort of “grabby hands” motion] Spoon laughs and explains that this is a common physical way to convey embarrassment, surprise or cringe in Korean culture [If you search “오글거리다” you can find some examples]. The word used literally means that your limbs "shrink", so that's where the gesture comes from, but it can also be used in other situations, such as being horrified, in pain or cold. In Japan, this is usually represented with goosebumps.

Spoon elaborates about how certain cultural differences are fascinating. For example, when someone is talking about a character behind their back or in another place, in Japanese media the character will usually sneeze. On the other hand, in Korea that kind of situation has the character’s ears suddenly itching.

Q: The person asking the question says that the way in which Spoon draws jeweled eyes is very beautiful. They want to know how did Spoon think of that idea, or if she developed a process of creating them.

A: How she would draw the jeweled eyes was one of the things that Spoon worried about the most. What she wanted to convey was the feeling of a “cut gemstone”, and how precious, shining and beautiful the eyes look [Here she explains it while doing “cutting” motions with her hands. Think something similar to a karate chop]. She did her very best and is glad that she got a good response from readers.

Q: Athy and her friends looks so beautiful and cute in the dresses they wear. I would like to know what was the most difficult or honestly troublesome dress to draw in your work.

A: The coronation dress was very difficult and time-consuming to draw. At that time, Spoon had to do a lot of things at the same time, such as revising the physical version of the webtoon, so there wasn't enough time to do everything at the same time, but Spoon was happy that the effort she put into it made it look gorgeous.

Q: Who is your favorite character to draw, or the easiest to draw? And who is the most difficult to draw?

A: It’s Athy, because she’s gorgeous and cute. But Spoon also greatly enjoys drawing Lucas. Drawing him is fun because he is handsome and has many expressions. On the other hand, it's difficult to draw cautious characters because their facial expressions don't change much. However, she says that all of the characters are beautiful and elegant, so there’s no character that Spoon dislikes drawing.

Q: What is the most important thing for Spoon to draw in “Who Made Me A Princess”?

A: Spoon expands on the themes of “Who Made Me A Princess”, about the various relationships within the family that wasn't connected to one another. She thought that even if the characters shared blood, they hadn't been able to communicate, so they could only become a family if they thought about each other. And even if they are not connected by blood, if they care about each other they still can become a family.

Q: The person asking the question goes over how the color of both Jennette and Anastasius’ eyes changed once Lucas removed their mana. Jennette’s eyes became green like Penelope’s, while Anastasius’ turned black. It seems like the jeweled eyes are related to the characters' mana. So, if they didn’t have any magic, would Athy's eyes become a beautiful and mysterious color like Diana's, and Claude's eyes would become almost brown like his mother's?

A: Spoon elaborates about how the way in which a person’s eye color is determined is very complex and tricky, as it has to do with genetics, but in this setting it indeed relates to the royal mana. If Athy didn’t have any magic, her eyes would look like Diana’s.

[Note: This is also shown with Aeternitas’ cloudy jeweled eyes, since his mana was very weak].

Q: The person asking this question asks Spoon why was Diana a dancer, and if she could get a little more into Diana’s character, her past and what type of person she was.

A: Spoon imagined Diana as a minstrel or a wandering artist. Like a ballerina in a famous theater troupe who tours, she travels with her dancing and singing, putting on shows in different countries to earn money for her travels, so Spoon characterized her as a free soul.

Q: Obelia is called “the land of eternal springs and summers” in the last chapter. Does that mean winter doesn’t exist there?

A: Spoon says that indeed, there’s no cold weather in Obelia. That's why the characters don't have winter clothes. However, as there are a lot of cute designs for winter clothes, she would like to draw an illustration of the characters in winter clothes in the future.

Q: What your schedule is like when you are working on the series?

A: Spoon exercises as soon as she wakes up, for about 2 hours, eats dinner when she gets home, and starts working right away all the way until she goes to bed.

Q: It’s very rare to see Claude in uniform or tight clothes. The person asking the question wonders why Claude's clothes are so bare and asks Spoon if she could elaborate a little on his fashion sense.

A: Claude used to be a prince who wore his uniform properly, but after meeting Diana, he came to like the more casual or loose style of clothing. So Claude's fashion sense comes from Diana’s influence on him. Even when he didn’t remember her, he kept wearing such clothes because of that influence, and also because he genuinely likes them.

Q: Who’s Spoon’s favorite guy?

A: [With no hesitation] Claude.

Q: How did you improve your drawing skills before becoming an illustrator?

A: Spoon used to emulate her favorite artists and draw fanart.

Q: Do you have a favorite japanese word?

A: When she was traveling in Japan, Spoon was impressed by the name “Nippori” [Referring to Nippori train station]. She looked up the meaning and thought “Oh, so that’s what it means!” [Note: Nippori means “place where the sun sets”]. In Nippori, she didn’t do anything in particular, Spoon just passed by it on the train.

Q: "Who Made Me A Princess" has great clothes, but I also like the flowers that appear in each scene. I know some of them problably don't exist, but is there a flower that you use as a model?

A: It was a long time ago, so Spoon doesn't remember much, but she tried to draw beautiful flowers with overlapping petals.

Q: Is there anything that Spoon-sensei takes special care of in terms of physical condition?

A: Her wrists. Spoon demonstrates how she does her stretching routine. She also takes supplements when needed.

Q: I love Athy's hair color, it's so soft. Did you have any difficulties or problems deciding on that color?

A: At first her hair was a little darker, but Claude's hair is a dark blond and Athy's is a light blonde. So, in order to make a difference between them, Spoon lightened Athy's hair. She had a hard time fixing it so it wouldn't be too bright.

Q: What do you keep in mind about color schemes when you paint? They are always beautiful and I'm always fascinated by them.

A: Spoon tries not to make the color scheme too dark or complex [This answer was hard to hear, it could mean too dark or complicated/oversaturated].

Q: A question asking for commentary on the characters' expression and they way in which Spoon draws them. The answer focuses on Claude’s expression when Athy collapses in Chapter 18. The comments mention how Claude’s perspective of it in Chapter 102 was very moving and made everyone cry. [Here Spoon showed the panel of Claude’s surprised face].

A: That scene was especially difficult for Spoon. It's a precious scene that shows how Claude had allowed his heart to worry about Athy. It was quite difficult because she had to give the expression a “Claude-like” quality and be careful to not deviate from his personality, but she also had to express how shocked he was. But it was a lot of fun despite the difficulties.

After reading the comments saying that this scene made everyone cry, Spoon adds that this is her favorite scene in the webtoon.

Q: The last question of the class. What will Spoon do in the future?

A: Spoon was thinking of going back to being an illustrator after the serialization of “Who Made Me A Princess” was over, but after the encouragement and happiness she received from readers, she decided to continue as a cartoonist. Look forward to seeing her next work!

Spoon realized that it makes her very happy to see and meet readers who are happy to read the manga she drew. She will continue to create good works as much as she can. She ends the live part of the class thanking us readers.

Q: At what age did you start drawing? [Note: The following questions are direct quotes. Because they were provided in written form, I was able to faithfully translate them].

A: My parents told me that I was very young, ever since I was able to hold a pencil, I was already drawing.

Q: What made you decide to be a cartoonist?

A: I have always dreamed of becoming a cartoonist since I was a child, but I thought it might be difficult, so at first I aimed to become an illustrator. After a while of working as an illustrator, I was asked to make my favorite work into a webtoon and decided to become a cartoonist.

Q: What’s your favorite manga?

A: I really enjoy reading Dungeon Meshi [Delicious in Dungeon] these days.

Q: What’s your favorite Japanese food?

A: I like sushi and ramen / I like cheese and creamy foods. It’s not good for my health… But it’s delicious, isn’t it? ( ;ω;   )

Q: When did your current art style take form?

A: After I started working as an illustrator and studied styles suitable for the genre (mainly romance fantasy), I guess… It’s not completely set in stone, it’s still developing.

Q: I’d like to know what’s your average working time per day.

A: Basically 8 hours, sometimes more than 12 hours when the deadline approaches.

Q: What software do you use for illustration?

A: I use Clip Studio Paint by CELSYS.

Q: Please tell me how to draw jeweled eyes!

A: I posted a tutorial on YouTube. Please watch the SoSpoon channel! [Link to the tutorial]

Q: Please tell us about Athanasia’s daily life!

A: Athy enjoys having tea and cake while performing her duties as princess. She will also play with Lucas, who shows up from time to time.

Q: Did you expect “Who Made Me A Princess” to become so popular in Japan? Did you work with the intention of expanding to overseas from the beginning?

A: At first, I didn’t think about publishing overseas. At that time [when the serialization began, in 2017], it wasn’t a time when overseas expansion was very active [referring to how back then, it wasn’t common for manhwas to get translated into other languages]. I was very happy that Japanese readers enjoyed my work, and I’m looking around for feedback with a lot of gratitude. Thank you so much for all the love.

Q: What does “Who Made Me A Princess” mean for Spoon-sensei?

A: The webtoon “Who Made Me A Princess” is like a benefactor to me. Thanks to this work, I was able to receive a lot of love. Thank you so much.

Q: Have you been asked to make an anime adaptation of “Who Made Me A Princess”?

A: Yes. I heard that it was ranked the 2nd manga that people want to see animated in Japan. Thank you very much.

[This year, “Who Made Me A Princess” has also been nominated to receive an anime adaptation. Read more about it and vote here!]

Fun Facts and Other Info

I'll answer what everyone is probably wondering about first: No, there was no mention of the side stories. But also, no one really asked about it. It seems to be a sort of taboo topic among japanese readers, and since there is some kind of issue with their publication, nobody touched the subject to not ruin the happy mood.

Apparently, Spoon received over 1000 questions for the Q&A.

The NHK translator mentioned that there were students from many countries!

Spoon gave a quick overview of her working tools. They include: a Cintiq 27QHD (tablet), two Dell monitors, and a Streamdeck. She also mentions using a 24-inch pen now, because it's easier to use.

Spoon has volume 9's cover as her PC's wallpaper.

Spoon's voice is very cute! But wow, she talks so fast. Taking notes was very challenging.

She seemed to be shy but was very happy and looked healthy! The first thing she did was thank the readers for all their support and for giving her strength.

There were many comments about how cute the gestures Spoon made were. I agree!

Spoon has a ton of WMMAP merch. A whole bookshelf filled with it, and I believe she had at least one item of... everything. Even the chinese exclusive merch.

She also had a bunch of WMMAP volumes, both normal and limited versions!

Spoon has a special brush for drawing blushed cheeks, and it's in fact not pink but orange and light red, with the contours being lighter.

She had a very cute crab pencil holder. She said it was a gift from her assistant. Spoon likes it because it has a cute shape and she loves cute things. Like this (green one):

Most people already saw, but the results of the popularity poll for the character people wanted Spoon to draw were: Athy in 1st place, Lucas 2nd, Claude 3rd, Ijekiel 4th, and lastly Jennette 5th. The numbers of votes weren't revealed. Spoon drew the following illustration to celebrate:

That's it for now! I've been told that the class will be re-streamed soon (though I don't know if it will be made public or just for those who paid), so I'll try to watch it again and chat with friends that attended the class to see if I can add more interesting information to this post.

(February 4th, 2023 Edit) With the invaluable help of my friend @ mananokobako on Twitter and listening to the class again, I was able to translate new questions and improve on the past translation. I hope everyone can give it another read!

[woso-dreamzzz]

yk that one meme of the kid smiling with his tongue out… literally me bc you posted alexia’s version first (i mean the poll majority voted for it… i personally did not) 🤭 i feel like this is probably a must bc if you posted jenni’s version first it would become my only canon… and then i’d think about everything that happens in the jenni version while i read alexia’s. also i feel like this was a punishment for the jenni agenda raiding your house time and time again (know that, despite me furthering the jenni agenda, i only knocked on your door nicely! but i guess i added to their attack by sending u the long asks loll)

alright, here’s my sorry disclaimer again bc i always feel like i’m being annoying sending u the longest message ever

starting this part with bambi’s overall confusion furthers my point from last time! she’s a little girl and would likely choose her current favourite but still 🥺 it’s important to have her included or at least informed (probably by eli, because she’s the best at being unbiased) by everything that’s going on. justice for my girl. thinking the door’s grown and the intrusive thoughts about the doorknocker? the recurring mental notes that jenni’s gone back to mexico? poor bambi’s overcome with anxiety and this should have been avoided by letting her know what was going on.

i don’t even know how to express the way i was feeling through the entirety of bambi returning to alexia’s house but it’s something akin to the unsettling fear you get when you know something’s going to happen in a horror movie… and if that’s how i feel… how does bambi feel? it’s so awful that she goes through her own mental checks to try and understand and accept everything as it’s presented to her… i feel like it will further her lack of self-confidence. i hope she doesn’t internalize the “it is what it is” mindset so much that she is unable to discern when people take advantage of her and she’s left to accept the things that happen to her even if it isn’t right. teen!bambi i am watching you. with love and care and kindness (and so i can report back to alba and jenni in case anything happens)

i think i figured out the shattered train metaphor for this narrative—it could be alexia! alexia who’s had something difficult happen to her (ie. her pregnancy and initial stages of having bambi, this entire disaster of neglect, nearly losing it at the sight of her child being intubated—leading to the shattering of the train) but with love and time she’s patched up (by olga and jaume) and she’s able to return back to bambi in the end.

had the train been kept safe, or even now as it’s patched together by olga, it remains ever-present in bambi’s life. i imagine it’s in bambi’s bedroom now on her bedside like it was in the hospital. what matters now is bambi’s perceptions of it—and that’s where i think the doorknocker becomes very symbolic. no one uses it—not alba, not eli, and the only person who seems to notice it is bambi.

bambi is very similar to the doorknocker. we see she questions why no one chooses to use it—it functions the same way as the doorbell after all, and i think that’s symbolic of alexia “forgetting” her and essentially how everyone becomes so focussed on “what’s best for bambi” (ie. using the doorbell) and overlooking bambi’s perceptions/emotions (ie. not using the doorknocker.) idk if i’m making much sense but in this narrative, bambi decides she’ll give some attention and love to that doorknocker. she chooses to acknowledge that doorknocker (she chooses to acknowledge her feelings) and to me that’s symbolic of bambi truly allowing alexia in and letting herself be loved by her once again.

this part works in alexia’s initial decision in injured vii (where she tells eli not to bring bambi back.) it also brings us full circle with olga and her uncertainties about her relationship with bambi. both of them have gone through some developments with bambi and it’s nice to see that this ending nurtures bambi’s love for trains and allows her to spend time with them as an entire family <3 justice for jenni though. dw jenni, i’ll make my way over to the airport and come pick u up.

in the end? you’re awesome, i’ve loved this entire series with alexia, but i’m very excited for jenni’s part. 🤭 also, though i understand alba’s feelings… does she ever come around? based if she doesn’t. but does bambi ever intervene when she’s older? does eli? does alexia try harder for alba’s forgiveness?

also my list of PS’s!

the tulips you added to the front of the house? perfection. they’re for you <3 🌷because you’re awesome! and perhaps one for my other bestie anon. bc you’re awesome too :)

CODI FLOWERS CODI FLOWERS!!!! and codi’s cows! <3

dark red and green. so real of you. best taste fr ♥️

alexia being so sure. SO SURE that in her prime she’d have scored against princesse <3 #1 fan natalia is my favourite too. u have me in the biggest chokehold with natalia, princesse, teeny, pequenita, and bambi 😭 PRINCESSE BALLON D’OR! my goat. THE goat.

also. u putting a long anon tag under those HCs made my day. made my week. made my entire year. made my entire life. i absolutely love all your works so so so much <3

Long anon! Of course you deserve your own tag! ❤️🌷❤️🌷

Teen!Bambi definitely becomes a bit of a people-pleaser. She tries so hard to make everyone proud and it's definitely easy to take advantage of that as she grows up.

I love your analysis of each part! I'm a big fan of the Death of the Author style analysis and I love seeing how you interpret what I've written. I can't even explain how much I love it! ❤️

Alexia and Alba's relationship kind of gets better but it's never good. They can be in a room together and they can interact but Alba never fully forgives Alexia and she's always wondering how Bambi might have turned out if Jenni had raised her.

(Laia Codina is my favourite underrated Arsenal girlie. As soon as I get my paycheck, I'm buying her Arsenal shirt).

(Of course, Alexia believes she would have scored the penalties in her prime. She won't hear a word against it. Princesse's just getting lucky).

[lightwise]

Ahsoka's Choice

(Content warnings: long post, implied depression and wanting to give up on life, mention of suicide prevention week). 

Life is not supposed to be a battle. I genuinely believe that it is not meant to be lived in survival mode, or be something to dread, or feel like a Sisyphean hamster wheel, climbing the same mountain over and over but going nowhere. 

And yet. 

It so often does. 

The good becomes so entwined with the bad that you can’t separate them anymore. 

Or even see any good at all.

Life is lived by placing one foot in front of the other, but our gaze is meant to be forward, not only down. 

There have been a number of excellent takes on the in-universe meaning behind the Clone Wars flashbacks, Anakin’s lessons, and Ahsoka’s choice in Shadow Warrior. How Ahsoka has been keeping herself small, living in survival mode, haunted by the fear of her past, by what Anakin became, by her fears of becoming that herself or inadvertently leading others down that path, by survivor’s guilt, by the inability to move forward.  (Please check out the excellent analyses below):

Anakin and Ahsoka learning to fight for the light

Recovering from PTSD and trauma and not letting the terrible things win 

Overcoming the legacy of war and death

Running from childhood trauma

Ahsoka choosing to live 

Ahsoka remembering who she is

However, without getting too detailed, I want to take a more metaphorical look at this episode and how it struck me personally.

My tagline is Daughter of Light. Ahsoka has been an extremely meaningful character to me since I first fell in love with Clone Wars several years ago, for her determination, her steadfast dedication to justice and kindness, and her strength in forging her own path in the midst of many difficult and undeserved circumstances. And this episode knocked me back in my chair, mouth open, trying not to cry at those four words: I choose to live.

The last few years have had some unique struggles in my life that have felt relentless at times, worn me down mentally and emotionally, and kept me in a state of difficult striving just to stay afloat on all fronts (financial, health, mental, etc.) I have honestly not wanted to stay afloat at points. And I’m still dealing with many of the effects of some of what I’ve been dealing with. 

(I am fine in this moment, btw. This post is reflective of where I have been, and some of what I have felt. So please don’t worry about me if you read this, it is meant to be encouraging more than anything. But I am acknowledging and honoring the struggle that it sometimes takes to exist and keep going when life is difficult or doesn’t turn out the way you expected, or is simply just too hard and too exhausting for a bit too long. It is also suicide prevention week, and therefore extremely timely for this episode coming out). 

“You lost a fight. Trust me, you lost.” - You can’t mince the reality of the situation, or pretend it’s better than it is, or that it doesn’t exist at all.

“So you do remember. That’s good, that means you still have a chance to live.” 

“Tell me what’s going on.” - She wants answers. She wants to understand what is happening to her so that she can know how to face it, so that it can be dealt with quickly. 

“I’m here to finish your training.”   

“It’s a little late for that.” - Where were you when I needed you. If only I had known what I know now a little sooner. All of this could have been prevented, things could have gone differently. 

“One is never too old to learn, Snips.” 

“What’s the lesson, Master.” - Alright, I guess we’re doing this. 

“Live…or die.”   

Choosing life—it means literally, and spiritually, and it means a life that is actually filled with wholeness and connection and purpose, not just an existence eked out in survival mode. And as much as I hate it, you have to engage with the pain and the suffering, you have to fight through them, in order to get there. You don’t get out of survival mode by not fighting, even when all you want to do is lay down in defeat.

“I won’t fight you.” 

In a vacuum, this is a decent sentiment. Maintaining one’s peace and refusing to give in to extraneous anger or regret is often a good thing. But that’s not the context here. It’s a negative, passive kind of choice, in this scenario at least. It’s choosing the lack of something, not the positive of something. I won’t fight…but what will you do instead?

All the lessons that Anakin begins taking Ahsoka through, forcing her to engage him, to keep going, to figure out ways to survive even when she doesn’t want to, when the cost feels too great, when her life has been handed to her against her will, is to get through to her the best way he knows how. To break her out of the isolation and defeat she has inhabited. To give her a path forward into momentum and purpose. 

They spar—Ahsoka still with only one saber, half her strength. He pushes her back, and then cuts the ground out from under her feet. And she falls.

“Why are we here?” - Why am I having to learn this lesson again. I thought I had already dealt with this. Why am I having to feel these emotions again. Why do I have to put my time and energy on this same problem again and again.  

“You tell me.”

“I don’t understand.” - She’s still trying to have logical answers before she can move on. We don’t always get them. If you wait for everything to make sense you’ll be waiting forever. 

“That’s your problem. This is your training.” - The casualties of war. Her mistakes. Her failures. Her guilt. Her grief. 

“The battle’s not over yet.” But oh how I sometimes want it to be. 

“This isn’t what I trained for.”  - This isn’t what I expected life to be like. This isn’t what I signed up for. This can’t be what all the effort of daily life adds up to. There has to be a whole greater than the parts. 

“I’m teaching you how to survive, and to do that, you’re going to have to fight.” 

“What if I wanna stop fighting.” - What if it’s not worth it. What if all the effort expended never actually leads anywhere that’s worth being. What if I’m too tired, too depleted to keep going.

“Then you’ll die.” 

“My part of that legacy is one of death and war.” - But what if that’s all there is? What if that’s all my life will ever mean, is struggle and loss and pain. 

“But you’re more than that. Because I’m more than that.” - But I’ve seen and felt horrors larger than life…how do I keep from drowning in them.  

“You’ve learned nothing. Back to the beginning. I gave you a choice. Live or die.” - You can’t stop from drowning in them. You can’t take the struggle out of life. You can’t take the pain out either, or the mistakes. But you can get back up. And you can keep going.  

“No!” - It shouldn’t have to be this way. It shouldn’t have to be this hard. 

“Incorrect.” - But for now, it is. It may not always be. You won’t know until you get there. 

“You lack conviction.” - I’m tired. I’m so tired. I don’t want to have to do this anymore. 

“Time to die.” 

Finally, technically defeated as both of her sabers are wrenched out of her hands, she takes Anakin's Sith blade and uses it against him. There’s a time when the way to get through difficulty is through sheer anger and force of will—I won’t let this thing beat me simply because I’m too mad to let it, I’m too bitter or resentful to stay down any longer…but while that can give you some fuel to get moving, eventually it will keep you stuck in place. 

And then, she tosses it away. And with ferocity and passion and acceptance in her voice:

“I choose to live.”

Living doesn’t mean Ahsoka has to kill the phantom of Vader that still haunts her or continue the cycle of violence. She doesn’t have to fight because that’s the only way to survive. The choice she makes to live, is accepting that living might involve fighting, it might involve pain, it might involve darkness…but that’s part of what makes it life. But it’s not the only part. It will always be so much more than that. So much better than that. The darkness doesn’t get to defeat the light. You get to choose not to let it. 

I choose to live. 

You are not just the bad things that have happened to you. You are more than your traumas and your history and your mistakes and your regrets. You are more than those who came before you. You are more than what has shaped you, dragged you under, torn you apart. Your history is not your identity. Your pain is not who you are. Even when it’s all you can see or feel. Even if it’s all you’ve known, and the life you want always feels out of reach.  

Life shouldn’t be a battle. We shouldn’t always be struggling or barely keeping our heads above water in survival mode. Sometimes letting yourself slip beneath the surface is necessary. You have to surrender to the waves, and accept the reality that more will come, before you can ride them. Just try to breathe in the process. 

Finally, there’s one other thing that brings Ahsoka back to the land of the living. It’s not just her choice alone. It’s other people not giving up on her. Searching for her. Refusing to give up hope. Jacen hearing what is really going on, telling his mom to listen, really listen. Friends working together to pull her out of the ocean. Huyang bringing her a cup of tea and a blanket. She is resuscitated and rehabilitated by others. By her community.

Let’s choose to live. Together. 

Hopefully, we can always make it worth it. 

[applegameisprollytaken]

Woohoo, another vent post! I get I need therapy! I will get it eventually. Maybe.

On today's episode of "apples says some bullshit about his emotions that nobody gives a shit about" we have:

The shards.

Pretentious name. I know.

But fuck off this is vent post I'm allowed to be edgy and self referential.

Ok so... I have noticed something about my characters every year or so?

They all tend to have to do with me irl, if that makes sense.

Everything is on display if you know where to look.

I know I won't make it. Not anywhere in life, not to old age. I'm going to work minimum wage until, most likely, I take the easy way out.

And I have a character that represents that

I was raised by homophobic and transphobic old farts who don't like change, and want me to pray to a god I'm sure doesn't care for any of us.

But yet I am close friends with trans people, and AM LITERALLY BI (male preference just to hammer the point home)

So I have a character for that

The feeling I am better than everyone mixed with the knowledge I will never accomplish anything people will give a shit about?

See my very first character written.

The fact that I have to hide who I am with those I care about most, out of fear of losing them? The fact that they only care about me because of the perfect facade I keep up?

Both are characters, sworn enemies of each other, despite being the same person.

The fact that my current personality is a mask I had so long I cant take it off anymore?

Oh, well would you look at that! I have a character for that, and it's topical

The fact I escape to a fantasy world that hurts more than helps. The fact that I live in my games more than I do in the real world, because I know that at least in my games, there is a actual rock bottom I can crawl out from.

I have a character for that.

I have a character for everything wrong with me.

My hatred of parts of myself I cannot change nor get rid of. My fear of how much I have lost of myself. My fear of the world taking more from me if I try to leave my special little place.

I have characters for that.

My spite? My hatred? My fear of death? My craving for it? My every last shard?

All for display.

I even was going to make a game about it, once upon a time.

And I have a character for everything else too. What is too broad to be one or two characters, so instead are split between the hundreds.

My ego, a cardboard cutout of falsities and theatrics, hiding what little self worth I really have

My anger, something that defined me for a decade before I could overcome it. A chained beast I keep in its box l, never to be seen again. (Yes, yes, I know it's edgy fuck off)

My anxiety, with defenses upon defenses to protect from anyone who tries to get close. No matter if friend or foe.

My "funny" disabilities. A jester who can't sit still or get a hint but still won't shut up no matter how hard you try.

And of course, the final boss of my issues, my depression. It eclipses all. Happiness weakened, sadness strengthened. Will to live gone the way of the dodo.

[threadsun]

fun question... how do you write taylor? i feel so off writing him idk why ;__; jack? hard but i'll fuck it up as i go, bullshit master. bo? i can... manage. elias? no clue yet i'm not there

but yeah taylor is just difficult for me for some reason do you have any tips? [and it might also be the oc he's interacting with but idk]

Ooooh so... hmmm... I'll be honest, I don't think much about how I write characters, I sort of just Let It Happen. But I'll try to explain what things I see in him that I think are important to capturing his character.

So the first thing that's important about him is that he's hopelessly in love with MC but he's been hiding it for so long. He's at the point of infatuation where he literally writes fanfic about them fucking him, but still can't even admit his crush to them. So everything he does and says is kinda... shadowed with that secret. Or, if it's post-confession, then it's filled with relief that it's finally out in the open.

He's also a pretty... idk. Animated? Guy? Like lots of sarcasm, arguing, thinking he knows best. He raises his voice a lot and sometimes stutters when he feels strong emotions, and he tends to fake confidence he doesn't have.

We also know that he's a liar and will try to hide things he's embarrassed about. He cares a lot about his image as a brave, strong, cool guy. He has issues that he can and will project onto other people, and he clearly hasn't worked through his childhood problems.

And most importantly, at his core, he is a major simp for the player. He'd do anything for them, he worries about them, he'll overcome his fear and cowardice for their safety. He's also just a lil pathetic :3c

[bushs-world]

Rant: The protagonist doesn't always need to move the plot

So a few things resulted in this post. One, I was reading a writing article and the number one advice was that the protagonist has to move the plot or they are boring

And two, Tumblr recommended a 'Loki was useless in the series' post to me so here I go

Why this advice came in the first place

A good protagonist moves the plot!!

This is the first writing advice you will ever get when you are learning to write interesting, multidimensional characters and this isn't without reason coz some writers will put in the least effort to write their protagonists (it's mostly women written this way but sometimes men too). The result is a bland, boring who keeps sitting passively while the entire plot happens to them and they do nothing to try and change their situation. Instead, the writer adds other characters to fix their problems for them while they dont move a finger. This results in flat, uninteresting and often annoying characters.

A good example of this is Bella Swan from Twilight or the Sleeping beauty or Snow White. And I always believe this was a guideline to make sure people don't write flat, cardboard cut out protagonists but people took this rule as a checkmark indicator of whether that means the character is well written or not, totally forgetting that sometimes the protagonist doesn't need to move the plot.

The Subversion of this advice

This advice can be (and has been for a long time) subverted by a very clever but simple flip in the structure - when the plot impacts the protagonist and instead of focusing on how the protagonist overcomes the situation, the focus is on what they experience. And this is such a common trope, often used when the character is placed in an environment way outside their control or when the conflict is so big that they can't single-handedly change anything or when the odds are so stacked against them that there's nothing much they can do.

A very good example of this is Dani in Midsommar. She rarely moves the plot. The actual movers of the plot are the Harga tribes and Dani just follows whatever ritual they put her in and yet she is getting impacted by the plot. For one, she has no idea these friendly looking tribes are actually a death cult and even if she did, there was nothing she could have done. There's also evidence she was drugged and brainwashed but the story is rarely about Dani and her group escaping the clutches of the cult, it is about her experience both with the cult and her own sorrow.

Similarly, Pi rarely moves the plot in The Life of Pi. Everything that happens in the story is caused by coincidence and forces of nature yet the story isn't about Pi surviving the shipwreck to reach land. It's about his experience while he's stuck in the sea with Richard Parker.

A Christmas carol, Gulliver travels, the British soldier in Dunkirk, to some extent even Oliver Twist are all examples of stories where the protagonist don't move the plot, yet the characters aren't badly written. Heck, even in Infinity War, it is Thanos who moves the plot, not the heroes.

Thats also prominent in Frank Kafka's 'Metamorphosis' which Loki S1 takes some inspiration from where the protagonist Gregor rarely moves the plot but the plot impacts him and the entire novel focuses on his experience (which is also something because unlike the genre fiction which relies heavily on plot, literary fictions many times apply this technique to deep dive into the protagonists experiences).

The protagonist is not always the hero (and won't always win)

One reason I think this advice is taken as a holy grain of writing is because many people confuse the protagonist with the hero. A hero is essentially a hero, fighting the evils and bad guys but the protagonist is simply the character whose story we are following and I think this line blurs in the superhero genre because we are literally seeing it because we want to see heroes.

A character experiencing the plot is not a passive character

Another thing people forget is that a character experiencing or getting impacted by the plot instead of fighting to overcome the conflict is not a passive character. A passive character is one who doesn't try to change their situation. In contrast, characters in such stories where the plot impacts them often try to overcome their conflict but fail, either again because they can barely make an impact alone or because they don't have the necessary power or control.

So, is Loki in the series a badly written protagonist??

So, I have seen many posts claiming that Loki was totally useless in the series or incompetent or that he didn't matter in the series. And I see three reasons for this

1. He rarely moved the plot

2. He was incompetent

3. He had no importance in the story

I will tackle each of these points individually

He rarely moved the plot: Ok, this is partly true but again this doesn't prove that Loki was a badly written protagonist because Loki was experiencing the plot. The series was never about Loki defeating the TVA, it was the journey of Loki and his growth as he experienced the TVA and the restraints of the sacred timeline. And Loki didn't have neither the knowledge or the power to drastically change something or to defeat the TVA because he was facing off against an organisation that went far beyond his comprehension and knew everything about them, stripping him of the upper hand. And idk why people are so shocked of this particular point coz the trailers always hinted towards Loki being forced to work with the TVA.

Another way this argument is flawed is because this totally ignores Loki's importance to the emotional aspects of the plot. Loki's role in the series is that of the archetypical trickster (as described in the myths, not a literal trickster). Tricksters were often people who shook the status quo and uncovered the harsh reality with their plans and that's what Loki does. Ever since he landed foot in the TVA, he had been challenging the TVA dogma and his presence causes every person be it Mobius, Ravonna, the Void Lokis or even Sylvie, Loki shakes their moral stance and forces them to reconsider their opinions. Some like Mobius or Classic Loki change while others like Ravonna shut him down with their dogmatic views.

Another thing is that he's the moral and emotional centre of the series and he provides the series the much needed depth.

People mistake Sylvie as the person who moved the plot because of her strong screen presence and compelling storyline but if you look carefully, it's the TVA that moves the plot. HWR even says this in episode 6 that he paved the road, they merely walked down it. But people just see Sylvie's plan and think that she moved the plot when in reality, her plan was an important part of the series but it wasn't the plot. The series was never about killing the timekeepers, it was never about saving the multiverse. It was always about Loki's experience with the TVA. Everything else was just audience opinions.

And then Loki did move the plot. He moved it in episode 2 when he located Sylvie, he moved it in episode 3 when he hid the tempad. So, how did he not move the plot?? It's only possible if you think the series was about killing the timekeepers but tell me where it was said??

He was incompetent: Again, Loki wasn't incompetent. He was just placed in a situation out of his control. And most people who say this don't say it in regard to the situation in the series. No, they will bring Avengers Loki and point out how he was a badass, which frustrates me so much coz are you telling me that a character is only nice if he's an overpowered badass who defeats everyone. And if the character suffers defeat, then he's worthless. Idk it seems like a very toxic and shallow take to me.

It's also not that Loki isn't trying. He tried yet he failed coz the TVA knew each of his tricks and were so powerful that there wasn't much he could do. It's one thing if there was something Loki could have done which he didn't. But that's not what the complains are about. It's always about how Loki wasn't how he was in the Avengers or how this cool thing that this other character did should have been done by Loki instead.

They want an overpowered gary stu and since that's not who Loki is, or even if he's a little goofy, he's pathetic and weak and whatnot because he doesn't show outward, superficial displays of strength. If you think your character getting hit or losing is insulting, especially when there's a narrative reason why he can't win, then it's not the writing that's bad, it's you who's superfacial. Which I don't mind if you just want your fav to kick ass but then they won't say it simply. No, they have to add some weird twisted logic of how it's humiliating when nowhere in the series is Loki mocked for being weak and the only one who has problem with underpowered Loki is them.

He has no importance in the story: Again debatable coz one which plotline are we talking about? The series was always about Loki and his experience so without him there won't be a plot but also if you think that the series was only about killing the timekeepers (which was a subplot no doubt but it wasn't the main focal point ever), even then Loki played a big narrative role.

Without him, there would have been no Mobius and B-15 turning against the TVA, no Ravonna struggling to keep the TVA afloat and doubling down on her beliefs, no internal breakdown in the TVA, no Classic Loki redemption, and I don't even think Sylvie might have been able to enchant Alioth alone. Without Loki, even Sylvie's emotional struggle won't have come to surface so if you remove Loki from the series, you remove all the emotional aspects of the series which the series was definitely not.

The motto of the series was 'No one bad is ever truly bad. No one good is ever truly good' and it wouldn't have come out without Loki.

And yes, Sylvie's plan and mission made an equally important part of the story as Loki's own journey, and the series balances both along with the world building quite well.

In the end, it's ok if people don't like the series but can they please kindly stop saying it's bad writing when they don't have the nuance to critique the writing on an objective level. Just because one doesn't enjoy something doesn't make it a bad writing.

[orbleglorb]

For Yunie? 👀👀👀

5. Can they cry on command? If so, what do they think about to make it happen?

11. If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference?

18. Who do they love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone)?

19. What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they’ve been avoiding?

20. Who do they like as a person but hate their work? Vice versa, whose work do they like but don’t like the person?

40. How do they respond to a loose handshake? What goes through their head?

53. Who would / do they believe without question?

frothing at the mouth. thank you

5. can they cry on command? if so, what do they think about to make it happen?

he can cry on command & doesn't even have to think about anything to force it. he's just like "i should cry now" and cries. he doesn't do it very often. probably not since he was a teen

11. if somebody was impersonating them, what would friends/family ask or do to tell the difference

oh this is fun because he lies about literally everything. i think it would be something like "do you love me/care about me?" because yunie is very good at seeming like a nice, caring and well-adjusted person, and people often think he is good with words and people. the truth is, he's not, and puts a lot of effort into appearing that way. so if you ask him one (1) thing about how he personally feels about you he will just stare blankly and open and close his mouth a few times. the other side of that coin is people tend to think he is heartless and hates everyone etc etc. either way, people impersonating him would think the answer would be "yes" or "no" when really it's a computer blue screen.

i think they would also touch the impersonator, because yunie has a very bad reaction to being touched. the #1 way to get him to stop being fake nice is touching him, or heaven forbid grab him. he will do everything he can to get out of their grip. he bit someone's finger off before because they restrained him (long(ish) story). it is a desperation and fear so hard to replicate that it's an easy tell, but most are hesitant to do it because What If He Attacks.

18. who do they truly, 100% unconditionally love, if anyone?

i think ivy. like, he loves more people than just ivy, and they'd have to do A Lot to make him stop, but ivy is the only person that he would visit in jail if they mass murdered people. he has a soft spot for kids who have been fucked up by things far, far outside of their control but in the control of someone else who just doesn't care, because he's been there. he would never stop caring for them, even if they hated him. even when they do hate him. smiles evilly

19. what would they do if they were stuck in a room with [a] person they've been avoiding?

kill himself. im serious. if you locked him in a room with his parents he would find some way to end his life then and there. he hates confrontation and he hates being stuck somewhere and unable to get out. if there's not a window to jump out of he's ending it all

20. who do they like as a person but hate their work? vice versa, who do they hate as a person but like their work

like as a person but hate their work: nanci grackle. he's so fun to watch from afar and entertaining af to talk to. but he's got some really weird experiments going on

hate as a person but like their work: margo. he hates margo so much. i'll link the post where i wrote about this when i find it (found it). unfortunately xe makes wonderful food

40. how do they respond to a loose handshake?

he's grateful because they aren't Gripping Him and he isn't overcome by fear of Person Touchign Me

53. who would / do they believe without question?

ivy and his grandma. also nadeem, but that takes much more time.

[fictionadventurer]

I used to think of story as "A story is stuff happening and a story's PURPOSE is to emotionally connect/move people." That said, I love the way you put it here!

If I may be allowed to add:

When a story is too short, perhaps it means that the internal change must be slower, with more events slowly inching it forward. If it has too much, then perhaps you need to have more seismic events rocketing it along.

Or perhaps you were wrong about the perfect length.

Also I have an anecdote to support your point:

Once I wrote a fight scene that was literally just stuff happening as part of a writing club, and it was BORING AS HECK! Incredibly repetitive and emotionally empty. Then I rewrote it to focus more on the emotions (which also led me to write more creative fights?) and the same people told me I actually achieved the sort of adrenaline fueled action piece it was meant to be.

Another, I was writing a story for myself and focused on the internal to the detriment of the external. It was also dull because I kept trying to stretch out the internal monologues instead of making stuff happen.

So now I try to balance where the external moves the internal. (Sorry if this was rambly)

I think "story's the stuff and emotion is the purpose" is also a valid way to put it. I put the focus on the internal arc because that helps me to figure out where to begin and end a story.

Stories usually involve some kind of change--whether in circumstances or in understanding. If you know how the beginning state is different from the ending state, all you have to do is stop the story after that ending state is achieved, and begin the story at the point where events start to make that change necessary. Even in a flat arc, where the point is that the character doesn't change despite their circumstances, the story begins at the point where the characters beliefs are challenged, and end when whatever circumstances caused that challenge are overcome. (This doesn't really relate to what you said. I just saw the chance to clarify my original post now that I've done some more thinking on the subject).

Pacing is another matter, and you're right that the balance between external events and emotional change is the key to maintaining it. I'd add that a lot of problems with length can altered by narrowing or widening the focus. If the story's too long, laser-focus on your main character's arc and cut anything extra; if the story's too short, you can widen the focus to include other characters or conflicts outside the main arc.

Your anecdotes are a great example of how internal and external change are both necessary to a story. I've found similar things in my own work. I've lost count of the number of times I've found a story boring, only to step back and realize I've spent several paragraphs of a character thinking about a situation when they could be doing something. Sometimes, the change is as simple as turning the character's thoughts into a dialogue with another character. Or jumping to an active scene while littering in the character's thoughts. I've also had the opposite problem of characters just doing things until I realize we don't know how they feel about any of this, which can make the story feel empty. A good balance of both is what makes a story feel complete.

[laceratedlamiaceae]

Vulnerability in OFMD

I've been thinking a lot about vulnerability in Our Flag Means Death. The TL;DR is "choosing to be vulnerable is good, usually," which isn't really groundbreaking but the way it's done is interesting. I'm intentionally going to conflate physical and emotional vulnerability, because I think the show does it too. A lot of this has been said before, but I wanted to put it all in one place. Looooong post below:

Stede was taught from a young age that vulnerability was bad, by his bullies and his father, so he learned not to show it. As an adult, his tentative attempts to express himself are shut down (see all the flashbacks in episode four), and when Mary tries reaching out to him ("I know you're unhappy; I'm unhappy too"), he's had the fear of vulnerability so ingrained in him that he can't allow himself to be honest with her.

In the first three episodes, he's frequently made vulnerable (getting captured, running into Izzy, getting stabbed by the Spanish), but it's always forced upon him, not something he chooses. He meets Ed at his most vulnerable, having been stabbed and nearly hanged, and Ed saves him--I wouldn't be surprised if that was one of the first times someone saw him vulnerable and didn't use it to hurt him.

Despite that, he still can't be vulnerable with Ed (or anyone else). He tries, briefly, in episode four (when Ed asks him if he ever feels like he's treading water), but then Ed interrupts him and he gives up. Most obviously, he spends hours with a sword literally inside of him pretending that he's fine. In the end, he doesn't tell Ed how he feels about leaving his family, or that he doesn't (entirely) want to run away together. I imagine a big part of his arc in season two is going to be overcoming that.

Ed hasn't been vulnerable in a long time; he craves it, but can't have it because everyone sees him as Blackbeard (except Izzy, who hates vulnerability). We don't see much of what his life is like before he meets Stede, but he complains to Izzy that he doesn't have to risk his life in raids anymore; I think that speaks to a desire for vulnerability, in some way.

When he meets Stede, he finally has someone he can be vulnerable with. From the very beginning, Ed puts himself out there--he tells Stede all about his boredom and frustration pretty much as soon as they meet. I won't list it all out here, but he literally lets Stede stab him; it's hard to get more vulnerable than that, and he does later in that episode when he tells Stede about killing his father.

In episode ten, after having a taste of what vulnerability can get him and then losing it, he tries desperately to get it back and he does that by dialing the vulnerability up to eleven. It kind of works, even if the crew is visibly uncomfortable at first, until Izzy shows him the downside of vulnerability: it makes it easy for people to hurt you. I was pretty confused by his total 180 at first, but it makes a lot of sense when you consider that he's probably never been hit where it hurts like that, at least not for a long time, and he has no idea how to handle it.

Izzy can't handle vulnerability at all. Like Stede, he never chooses to be vulnerable and every time he is put in a vulnerable position he reacts with fear, either freezing (Stede holding him at knifepoint, Lucius asking if he's ever been sketched) or fawning (Ed choking him and making him eat his own toe, the crew nearly throwing him overboard). When Ed tries to be vulnerable with him (and Ed is the only person who ever does), he shuts it down; he brushes off Ed's boredom in episode four and he rails against everything Ed's doing in episode ten. His aversion to vulnerability constantly makes him miserable but he's too afraid/un-self-aware to do anything about it. (just like me!)

If he's getting a "redemption arc" (imo he isn't bad enough for that term to apply, but that's the one people are using), I think it has to start with him confronting that fear. If he doesn't, I think he could be a good foil for Stede, illustrating what happens when you don't allow yourself to be vulnerable. As tragic as it would be, I think Izzy refusing to open up to vulnerability even when he's given the opportunity and ultimately dying/ending up sad and alone because of it would be a really poignant way to end his story, albeit kind of a downer and very cliché.

Lucius is the most willing to be vulnerable, and the most able to pull it off; Jim tries to kill him and they kiss him an episode later, and he literally tells Ed "You can stab me in the face now" and it works out for him. He serves as a model of the show's idea of what vulnerability should look like.

It's more interesting to look at the time Lucius isn't vulnerable: episode five, when Izzy is trying to blackmail him. Izzy saw he was vulnerable and wanted to take advantage of that, and he didn't let that happen. I think the point of that was to show that vulnerability isn't universally good; some people (Izzy) will use it to hurt you.

Overall, every time a character chooses to be vulnerable with another, their relationship improves. The obvious exception to that is Ed in episode ten, and I think the point of that is to hammer home that vulnerability doesn't always work; it isn't a coincidence that Izzy is involved both times this idea is brought up. Being forced into vulnerability is always portrayed as negative, which seems obvious but is worth noting. (as a sidenote, this is why I can't get into fics where Izzy is dragged kicking and screaming into being part of the crew; if he doesn't choose it himself it just feels wrong).

There's a lot more I could say about this--I didn't even touch on Jim and Oluwande, and I might in a later post--but this is already over 1,000 words and I think I have enough here to back up the idea that vulnerability is a big theme of the show. Specifically, the show is (in part) about how important it is to be vulnerable, which I think is a big part of the reason it's resonated with me and so many other people.