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wordsarelife · 6 months ago

Text

—merry christmas, please don't call

pairing: theo nott x malfoy!reader

summary: after breaking up a few months ago, theo and you meet again at the yearly christmas ball at your parent's house. you're both dealing with the grief of a relationship that ended too soon.

warnings: angst, post breakup, bittersweet

notes: felt inspired by the song, but idk what this is.. lol. also used the word 'soft' way too often, but honestly couldn't be bothered to change that..

the lights glisten above your head as you make your way to the extravagant decorated room. it's stunning, really, with the warmth of christmas flooding the place, almost like it always feels warm and like home in these halls.

christmas is probably the only time of the year you feel any warmth in the malfoy house.

during that special time, it resembles hogwarts a bit and anything that resembles hogwarts ultimately feels like home.

the dress you're wearing is suprisingly comfortable, not comparable to the ones your mother normally chooses. it does fulfill two purposes at once: it looks gorgeous and elegant, while it fits your form perfectly and doesn't scratch or hurt.

the party is not in full swing yet, but a few guests are already there, talking reservedly or sipping on their champagne. the buffet isn't open yet, but you smell the delicious food offerings to where you're standing.

your eyes fall on draco, who walks closer with an unusual caring look on his face.

"mum told you to look nicer again, or what?" you asked. around these festivities draco is the only person you can speak normal with, considering your mother makes you study before speaking to guests. she would get a heart attack if she heard you speak one informal sentence during the ball.

draco shrugs, before he steps next to you. to the guests you make the perfect picture siblings, both stunning to look at, while you look like you harmonize like twins.

draco is a bit older than you, but growing up in a house like that ultimately leads you to make strong ties with the people that are caught together with you.

"no" draco finally says. he speaks slow and his voice is almost a whisper, as if he's trying not to make too much noise or dare one of the guests to come and converse with you.

you turn your head to look at him, brows furrowed. he stares straight ahead. draco normally isn't the one to hold back. he's straightforward even with unnerving topics, but this seems to even make him uncomfortable.

"theo" he eventually mutters and your hand clasps around his arm in such a hurry, like he just slapped you. draco's eyes fall on you and he looks almost scared. "he's coming"

"i thought mum said he couldn't make it?" your voice is two octaves higher than normal, begging for this to be a simple misunderstanding.

"well" draco sighs, "change of plans"

tears well up in your eyes. "draco, i can't—"

"you must" draco says, even though it seems like he's reluctant to do so. "you can't afford to mess this up"

"draco" you mutter once again, pleading.

"i'm sorry" he squeezes your hand. "you don't have to speak with him, okay? i'll take care of that. just act normal"

you nod, biting back the lump in your throat. the tears are thin and you pat them away from your face quickly. "okay"

most of the evening goes by like a gentle breeze. draco stays true to his word, taking care of the situation without you having to do anything with it.

a few times you can feel eyes gazing over your form, but you don't give into the overwhelming call to turn and look at him. you know that you can't or the night would be over.

theo isn't trying to disturb you either. he never comes closer, makes no move to talk to you and even though you can feel his eyes linger, he knows that it isn't his place. you aren't his to look at, he isn't yours to notice.

the lights and the music of the room make you feel like someone wrapped you in a massive bubble wrap, stumbling through the room and making polite conversation any time it is needed, laughing at the right times and looking down gracefully when someone compliments you.

your mother would be proud if she had the time to notice through the stress of the party.

faster than you had hoped, the thickness of the night develops into a full blown headache, drowning out the sound around you as your head practically begs for a moment of silence.

that's why you slip away at around eleven, walking up the stairs and down the hall until you reach a room no one ever visits.

the room is dark, only a small light illuminating the space. in the middle stands an abandoned piano, the one your parents had bought as soon as they had found out they were expecting a girl, hoping for you to be musically inclined.

you never developed a real interest, but through various years of teaching and practice you can play a few songs. that seems to have been enough.

you sit down on the bench in front of the piano, moving your fingers to hit a few notes that echo along the walls of the small room. the silence that follows is defeaning. it's the happiest time of the year, but you feel anything but happy.

right when you think about returning the party downstairs, the door softly opens behind you. when you turn around you expect to be met with a disapproving look on draco's face, but it's not your brother who stares back at you.

"theo" your breath hitches and for a second you're sure you're going to collapse right here on that ugly carpet. but you just look at the boy and he looks right back at you.

every unsaid word, every unfinished sentece is hanging in the air between you.

theo closes the door.

"hey" he finally says, slowly stepping closer, like he's trying not to scare you away.

"hey" you answer. another few seconds of silence settle between you, until theo clears his throat.

"i would ask how you have been.." he hesitates, before he shakes his head. "honestly i'm not sure i want to know the answer"

maybe it's just the calmness in his voice that makes you relax almost immediately, but you know it's actually the truth behind his words. you feel the exact same, fearing that anything you would've found out would have made it worse.

"come" you say, patting the bench beside you. "sit with me"

theo obliges, settling down in close proximity to you and although you feared it would, it doesn't make you uncomfortable, not even in the slightest. his presence is familiar and that makes it all the more jarring.

"that's a beautiful dress you're wearing" he compliments.

you smile slightly. "thank you" your eyes are caught by the pattern of his tie. you sigh. "that's the same tie you wore the last time we danced together"

there's an icy look in theo's eyes as he seems to remember the day of your mother's summer ball. the way your eyes had sparkled the entire night. the way you had circled around him, laughing at everything he had said. the way you had looked at him like you had never seen something better. the way you aren't looking at him like that anymore.

"sorry" you mutter, your gaze dropping away from his face and onto your fingers. "i don't know why i just said that"

"it's okay" theo assures.

you're sure he's lying.

"it's just— everything is so different suddenly" he mutters. "i don't know how to act, how to speak with you. it feels like you died"

you flinch, his words hitting you harder than expected, before you settle down, realizing that he just put into words what you had been feeling these past months. "i think i know what you mean" you admit. "it hurts so much, because i know you're still there. but you're not mine anymore and nothing happened to you, but you will never be the same again either" you pause, before you look up at him again. "not to me at least"

theo's jaw tightens, his shoulders sag, the weight of your words settling over him like a shroud.

“i guess that’s what hurts the most” he finally says, his voice barely audible. “that we’re still here, breathing the same air, but we’ll never be... us again. not even close.”

you nod, a tear slipping down your cheek before you can stop it. “it feels like grieving someone who’s standing right in front of you. like i should reach out and touch you, but there’s this... wall, and i don’t even know who put it there.”

theo looks at you then, his gaze softening, just for a moment. “maybe we both did.”

the words hang between you, heavy and undeniable. you both look away, staring at the floor, the past, the impossible distance between who you were and who you are now.

the music from the ball filters faintly through the walls, a haunting melody of what once was.

you smile through the tears, closing your eyes and breathing in the smell of the air. theo's smell. "you still smell like winter—like frost and firewood. i thought i’d forgotten."

theo freezes at your words, his breath hitching as he looks at you, a flicker of something unspoken crossing his face. "and you still... sound the same" he murmurs. "like you're about to laugh, even when you're crying."

you let out a quiet, bitter chuckle at that, wiping your eyes quickly. "funny how nothing changes and yet everything does, isn’t it?"

he doesn’t answer, just watches you with that unreadable expression—the same one he used to wear when he was trying to hide how much he cared.

“do you remember that night at the summer ball?” you ask softly, your voice trembling. “i thought i’d never be happier than i was in that moment. you were smiling so much, and i—” you cut yourself off, shaking your head. “it feels like it happened to someone else.”

theo looks away, his jaw tightening. “maybe it did. we were different back then”

the silence stretches again, the music drifting like a ghost between you. finally, he speaks, his voice barely above a whisper. “i don’t know how to let go of that night. of you.”

you bite your lip, holding back the sob rising in your chest. “maybe we don’t have to let go” you say, your voice trembling. “maybe we just carry it. like a scar. something that hurt, but proves it was real.”

theo’s lips curve into the faintest, most bittersweet smile. “then it will be the most beautiful scar i’ll ever bear”

you smile softly at him.

theres a few seconds of silence until his voice reaches your ears once more. "it won't be good again, we will not be good again, right?"

"no" you softly shake your head, another tear rolling over your cheek. "but we will heal from this" you mutter, your eyes crashing into his. "not yet, but... one day"

"i know" theo nodds. "i just miss what we had"

"so do i" you reply, your voice breaking as you admit it. “every day.”

theo watches you while your fingers slowly wander over the keys of the piano, playing a soft melody. the way he looks at you feels a bit like before all this happened, but you can't allow your mind to wander.

theo follows your lead, pressing a few keys too. you smile as he hits the wrong one on accident.

you lay your head to rest on his shoulder, as your hands continue to pass by each other on the piano, never truly meeting but not being too far either.

"merry christmas, theo" you mutter softly.

"merry christmas, y/n" theo smiles, his voice carrying it's usual warmth. "you were the best thing about me"

—

tag: @bakingintheshire

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