#lmao i need to solidify the title

[astermath]

title taken ✧*

pairing: ethan landry x fem!reader

summary: ethan makes an offhand comment about potentially “dying a virgin”. you ask him if he’d like you to help with that. and how could he possibly refuse?

word count: 3.8K

notes: first time fully writing smut on this blog! I hope I did okay lol I probs got a bit carried away,, I remember hearing his comment in the movie and being like I VOLUNTEER I CAN HELP lmao, anyways,,, comments / reblogs are highly appreciated, and requests are open! lmk if you’d like to be added to the tag list for further ethan landry related content!

warnings: cursing, protected sex, oral (f and m receiving), ethan realizing how much he loves going down on you lol, MINORS DNI!!!! normal sized font below!

notes: guys hot take but I think ethan is a boobs guy, but what do you think? sound off in the comments ethan nation

P.S.: this is a REPOST with some slight edits, sorry for the inconvenience!!

You distinctly remember the moment when Ethan made that comment.

You were all sitting outside, discussing your theories as to who the Ghostface killer could be and who you guys should be watching out for. When Ethan realized he was part of the core friend group, and as a result, also a target, he looked panicked.

“Am I gonna die a virgin?”

It was an offhand comment that no one paid much attention to, it seemed like everyone pretty much expected that from him. But you didn’t. Sure, he was a total dork, and really bad at talking to girls, but he was a pretty boy. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t considered hooking up with him before, but… That comment truly solidified the thought for you.

The two of you were sat on the couch of Chad and Ethan’s shared dorm. Despite Mindy telling you she didn’t trust him and that you shouldn’t be hanging out alone with him, you did very much need his tutoring. You’d rather get killed by Ghostface than have to retake econ.

But you couldn’t focus on the material. Not when Ethan’s virgin comment was making all kinds of images appear in your mind. You weren’t even listening to what he was saying, your brain having a field day with the thought of you taking that title away from him.

“Hey, Ethan.” You finally spoke up, looking away from your notes.

“Yeah?” He looked at you, the end of his pen held to his lips. He always had a habit of biting his pen when he got distracted.

“Are you really a virgin?”

The bluntness of your out of the blue question completely took him out of it. His eyes widened and he just sort of froze up, like his brain short circuited. You could tell he started blushing, and god did it look adorable.

“U-Uhm…” He put down his pen and tried to look anywhere but where your eyes were. Frankly, he was a bit embarrassed about it. He’d never even had a girlfriend, let alone have sex before, and as much as Chad tried to get him involved with girls he always struggled with it. Not just because of how awkward he generally was.

But because he had a crush on you already.

No one knew, not even his roommate, but lately he’d been struggling with keeping it to himself, especially as the two of you had been hanging out more on your own. There were so many moments where he just wanted to be closer to you, move all these papers aside and just kiss you right then and there.

His eyes were fixated on his laptop as he swallowed hard, clearly nervous about the whole ordeal. “Uhm… Yeah. I am…” He brought up a hand to scratch at the back of his neck, trying to keep his hands busy so his nerves wouldn’t show as much. “Just… Never got around to it.” He chuckled nervously.

You closed your laptop, realizing you’d made the poor boy uncomfortable with your sudden interest in his sex life. Or, well, lack there of. “Hey, it’s okay! It’s nothing to be ashamed about, there’s no, like, expiration date on when you have to fuck someone…” You tried to make him feel a bit better.

Ethan nodded awkwardly, genuinely wishing this couch would just swallow him whole so he could disappear. The girl he liked knew he was a virgin loser with no game, there was no way you were ever going to want him now.

The two of you sat in silence for a bit, Ethan wondering if it was too late to jump out a window and forget this ever happened. You, however, had a different turn of events in mind.

“Do you want me to help with that?”

Those words made Ethan look up from his laptop and his eyes widen. If your previous question was a pitch, this one was a home run. He wasn’t even completely sure if you actually asked that or if he imagined it, until he met your gaze. But he wanted to be sure his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him. “W-What?”

You shuffled a little closer, legs touching his, putting a hand on his thigh and leaning in slightly. “Do you want me to take your virginity?”

Ethan can feel blood rush to his cock from the question alone, his gaze darting from your lips back up to your eyes. If this was a dream, it was definitely the best one he’s had so far.

“Yes.”

Your lips meet his only a second after his reply, the book on his lap falling to the floor as you both lean in at the same time. You could tell he was nervous, but that didn’t stop him from trying. You tilted your head to the side and opened your mouth slightly to run your tongue across his bottom lip, an action that elicited a slight whimper from him.

His arms snaked around your waist and you raised yourself up onto his lap. A hand soon found its place in his curls, tugging gently to tilt his head back as your lips traveled down to his jaw, then to his neck, peppering gentle kisses and love bites on the way.

“S-Shit…” He spoke between hot breaths, one of his hands now resting on the soft flesh of your thigh, squeezing slightly whenever your teeth would bite down on his sensitive skin.

You giggle softly at how sensitive he was, lips sucking a darker mark on the spot below his ear. His hips were shifting beneath you, and even through multiple layers of clothing, you could tell he was getting harder by the second. You pulled back, hands coming up to cup his pretty face. He was already panting a bit, cheeks tinged pink from all this newfound excitement. “You look so pretty...” You press another soft kiss to his lips. “This okay?”

Ethan looks up at you with an almost desperate look in those doe eyes of his, nodding at your question. As much as you wanted to fuck him right then and there, Ethan deserved to be taken care of a little, especially since this was his first time experiencing most of this.

“Good, good...” Your thumb rubs gently across the soft skin of his cheek. “Wanna... Take this to the bedroom?”

“Please.” He breathes out against your lips.

The walk, or almost run to his bedroom, was a blur in your mind. You wasted no time, quickly getting inside and locking the door behind you both. Ethan was eager now that this was finally feeling real, hands swiftly finding your hips again and pulling you in for a passionate kiss.

“Hmm... Someone’s excited...” You mumbled in between kisses, stumbling backwards onto the bed until your back hit the mattress. Ethan held himself above you, brown curls perfectly framing his face as he admired how beautiful you looked on his bed.

He kissed you again, tongues playing with one another as his confidence was spurred on by his pure exhilaration. “Been... Wanting to do this forever...” He spoke against your lips as your hands searched for the hem of his shirt. “With you...” He pulled his shirt off in a hurry, diving back to meet your neck, pressing feverish kisses to your skin.

“Yeah?” You bit your lip, hand coming up to further push him into the crook where your shoulder and neck met. You let out a soft mewl when he bit down, wondering if he’d imagined this before. One of your hands moved over his chest, nails raking over the skin and undoubtedly leaving red lines in their wake. They travelled over his abs, down to his crotch, palming slightly, which earned a delicious groan from him.

You tilt your head to kiss the side of his head and get his attention to meet your gaze. His eyes find yours, half lidded, pupils blown out like he was high off the moment. “Me too.” You say, and you could swear it activated something in him when you did.

His hands start roaming under your shirt, and you take that as your cue to take yours off too. He stops for a moment, purely to admire the newly exposed parts of your body. Sure, he’d snuck glances at your chest when you wore tighter shirts, or when the collar would dip down just enough to give him a peek. But he only imagined touching your tits, how soft they were, how well you’d react to his hands.

His hand reached out and he gently cupped your breast, still a little careful. “So soft...” He mumbled to himself, his thumb slowly rolling over your nipple, almost teasingly so. You whined softly, arching your back a little into his touch. His other hand joined in and he squeezed them a bit, seemingly entranced by just how soft and pleasant they felt. Like they were made to be held by him.

He leaned down to your chest and looked up at you with puppy eyes. He could ask you to rob a bank with those eyes, and you’d do it. You just hoped he didn’t realize how you weak you were to that look.

“Can I?” He licked his lips.

“Y-Yeah, Ethan, anything...” You rubbed your thighs together. You knew he was just taking things slow, for both of your sakes, but god it felt like he was teasing you so badly.

He licked your nipple, a little hesitant, but he took the hand in his hair as a sign that he could continue. He wrapped his lips around the sensitive bud and suckled softly, closing his eyes as his fingers played around with your other nipple. You swore he was getting off on just sucking and touching your tits, noticing slight movements of his hips grinding into the bed.

He let go with an audible ‘pop’, earning a delicious whimper from you.

“E-Ethan...” You whined, catching your bottom lip under your teeth.

“Yeah...?” He hoped he wasn’t doing anything wrong.

“Touch me...” You spread your thighs a little more. “Please?”

“O-Oh, right... Sorry, I just... Got a little caught up in the moment.” He chuckled nervously and you did the same. You were glad there was still an air of lightness surrounding the whole ordeal. The last thing you’d want was for him to feel judged or uncomfortable.

He moved back a little between your thighs, hands exploring the soft skin of your legs with a pleased hum. He’d dreamt about moments like these so many times, ever since you became part of the friend group, he just couldn’t stop imagining what it was like. What you’d feel like, what you’d sound like... He was still processing a little that it was all actually happening.

His hand hesitatingly moved over your inner thigh, bringing a finger to gently trace over the fabric of your panties. His eyes widened a little at what he felt; you were soaked. He felt a little more confident in knowing he did that to you, but also a little shocked. “You’re... So wet...”

You brought up your hands to cover your face. You were, yes, but the way he was saying it made you all the more conscious about the effects he was having on your body. “Ethan... That’s-- You can’t...”

He grinned slightly at your reaction. He never knew you could get shy like this, you were usually such an open person. “Alright, let me just...” His fingers dipped under the waistband of your panties. He bit his lip when he discovered the hot wetness there, gently running over your slicked folds. “Is this okay?” he looked up at you.

“Mhm...” You nodded, your thighs twitching slightly when his finger grazed over your clit. “F-Fuck, yes... There, keep... Keep doing that.” You felt a little guilty for a second, remembering this was supposed to be about him. But you were doing him a favor, really, he was bound to have to find out how to touch a girl sooner or later.

His middle finger ran gentle and slow circles over your clit as his other hand kept busy running up and down your thigh. He stopped for a moment, hooking his finger around the elastic of your panties, looking at you for approval to take them off. You said something along the lines of “go ahead” between your whimpers, so he gently removed them from your body.

Again, he was taken aback by how beautiful you were, pussy glistening with juices. “God...” His thumb ran over your clit and you shivered slightly, having missed his touch, even if it was just for a few moments.

An idea sprung alive in his head, something he’d thought about many times before. “Hey, uhm... Can I...” He seemed nervous about proposing it.

“Hm? What is it Ethan?” You propped yourself up slightly onto your elbows, looking at him.

“Can I go down on you?” He paused for a moment, swallowing. “I, uh... I’ve always wanted to try that.”

You smiled at his request. Usually, the first thing guys would want is for a girl to go down on them, but you supposed Ethan wanted to explore all the options a little first. And maybe he wanted this to last longer than he would with your mouth on him. “Y-Yeah, sure...”

He smiled back, arms now on both sides of your thighs as he leaned his head down closer to your aching core. His hot breath hit your pussy, and you resisted the urge to just pull him closer. Instead, you ran your fingers over his scalp with an encouraging nudge. He stuck out his tongue, running it flat over the entirety of your wetness, humming at the taste.

You squirmed when he reached your clit, and his hands came up to settle on your thighs. He flicked his tongue and you moaned, almost obscenely, at the action. “F-Fuck!” He did it again, and your thighs started clamping down on him. “Jesus, Ethan...” He brought his lips down onto the needy bundle of nerves and suckled gently. Your head threw back as his tongue sent waves of warm tingles through your entire body.

“A-Are you sure this is your first time?” You spoke breathily through your moans and it only spurred him on further. He looked up at you with those all too familiar puppy eyes, tongue eagerly lapping at your juices. He moaned into your cunt, rutting into the bed slightly, fuck it felt good to please you.

You felt a familiar knot start to form in your stomach, hips moving against Ethan’s face as you mumbled his name over your whimpers. He sucked down on your clit again and that sent you over the edge, hand gripping his curls as you became undone beneath him. You rode it out on his face a bit before you relaxed back onto the mattress, thighs trembling in the aftermath of your orgasm. “Holy shit... Ethan...”

He slowly got up, using the back of his hand to wipe his mouth clean. “I hope I did alright.” He smiled, gently stroking your leg.

“Are you kidding me?” you spoke up after finally catching your breath. “You did so well baby.” You propped yourself up and he leaned down to kiss you, letting you taste your own juices on his tongue. Your hands went to his pants in the meantime, working on undoing his belt. “If you’d just… Help me out with those…” You smiled against his lips. “I could return the favor.”

He wasted no time in taking off his pants, kicking them off the bed until he was left in just his boxers. He kneeled on the mattress, his hard-on straining against the fabric of his underwear. You leaned forward onto your elbows, and he swore just the sight of you like that would have finished him off.

You leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his bulge through the fabric, and you noticed a twitch from his cock in return. “Been wanting to know what you taste like for months…” You mumbled, hooking your fingers over the waistband of his underwear to free his throbbing cock. The tip was already dripping with pre-cum, proof of just how worked up he got from eating you out earlier.

“Just relax, ‘kay?” You looked up at him and offered a sultry smile, to which he nodded. You reached out and with a gentle grip, pumped his length a few times. He bit his lip, suppressing a groan. God your hand felt so much better than his…

You leaned in and licked across the tip, collecting the bead of pre-cum on your tongue and savoring it. “Such a pretty cock too…” You licked up the length of him and he hissed through his teeth, hand landing gently on the back of your head. Not pushing, not pulling, just wanting to touch you.

He whined out your name when you suckled on the tip, looking down at you with desperate and needy eyes. “Fuck… T-That feels… So fucking good oh my god…” His hand moves over to your jaw, so you’re looking up at him now, and the eye contact doesn’t break, not even once.

His breathing picks up when you start to bob your head, but he stops you before you go deeper, pulling out of your mouth. “Shit, sorry, was that too far?” You look at him with a worried expression.

“No, no, not at all, it’s just… I wanna last longer.” He looked a bit embarrassed, and you felt a sense of pride of almost making him cum just from giving him head for a bit.

“That’s okay,” You got up to your knees and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I’m starting to get impatient anyways,” His breath hitched when you traced your fingers over his length again. “Need you inside me…”

You gave him a slight push so he sat down on the bed as you leaned over to grab a condom from the pocket of your discarded shorts. You rolled it over his cock, a snug fit, as expected, and your eyes went back to his face. He watched your pussy hover over his length, mentally preparing himself. If you going down on him felt that incredible, then this was about to be an out of body experience.

You put one hand on his chest to stabilize yourself, and reached one hand under to run his tip between your folds, lubing him up with your juices. “You ready?”

He nodded, hands coming up to gently rest on your hips. With that, you sank down onto his cock, slowly but steadily taking him inch by inch. Both of you moaned in unison at the joining of your bodies, neither of you imagining it would feel quite like this. You, surprised by the stretch he gave your cunt, him, surprised by your warmth and tightness.

“Fuck…” You sighed out, before you fully took his length, skin meeting skin with an audible clap. “So... Deep...” You put both of your hands on his chest, leaning forward a little. “Feels good, huh? You fit inside me so perfectly...”

“Shit...” He squeezes your hips harder, not enough to bruise, at least not yet. “So tight...” Ethan moves his hips up a little and you moan at the movement, the head of his cock grazing a very special spot inside you.

“F-Fuck, Ethan, hold on... J-Just...” You raised your hips, almost pulling him out completely.

“Let me...” You lowered again, ass meeting his hips. “Take care of you...” You started to establish a steady rhythm, Ethan watching your body move in complete fascination. You were gorgeous, tits bouncing, making the prettiest noises. Any guy would kill to have you on him like that, and he was no exception.

Your thighs started burning a little after a while, and he could tell as your movements got less intense. But you felt so good, every single change in motion sent jolts of pleasure through his body, his cock twitching whenever you would moan out his name.

He decided to keep chasing this high and take the reigns, putting a hand on your lower back and getting up, laying you down on the mattress as he pulled out.

“E-Ethan! What are you-- o-oh my god--” Your sentence got cut off by him sliding back inside you, his arms resting besides your body. You didn’t expect this more... Initiative-taking side of him, but it was welcome either way. You hooked your legs around his hips to pull him in closer, arms resting over his shoulders.

He quickly began thrusting, hips snapping forward, the room filled with the almost pornographic sounds coming from the two of you. He looked at you, curls sticking to his sweaty forehead, mouth slightly agape. You pulled him in by his shoulders to capture his lips, moaning into his mouth as he picked up the pace.

“Fuck... ‘M close... So close...” He spoke through heavy pants, head now buried into your neck.

“Me too baby, me too, holy shit don’t stop... D-Don’t stop!” You felt the hot coil in your stomach get to a breaking point, the bed rocking slightly with Ethan’s movements as you started repeating his name between your moans.

Ethan’s hips pushed into you one last time, cock twitching as he came, filling the condom nearly to its brim. He groaned your name into your neck, breath hot against your love bite covered skin.

You followed right after, legs clamping down on him, your pussy clenching onto his cock and milking every last drop out of him. Your thighs trembled as you panted, holding him close as he rode out his orgasm with a few last sloppy thrusts.

His body collapsed on top of you, the weight almost comforting, and you wrapped your arms around him, pressing a kiss to his head. He moved his head to kiss you lazily, and you chuckled at how adorable he was being. He pressed a few kisses to your lips, eyes fluttering open soon after.

“Thank you...” He smiled sleepily, still coming down from the amazing high he’d experienced just then. “That was... Amazing...”

“Could say the same to you...” You smiled back, basking in the sweet after sex euphoria while you could. You whined slightly when he finally pulled out, suddenly feeling a bit empty.

Ethan disposed of the condom while you went to his bathroom to pee really quick. He sat back down on the bed and looked at his phone, seeing multiple messages from his roommate.

[chadmeister]: jesus christ

[chadmeister]: are u guys almost done

[chadmeister]: i’ve been here for like 20 minutes now you know

[chadmeister]: pretty sure the entire floor heard u two

[chadmeister]: at least u def won’t die a virgin now MY MANNN

tag list <3

@kometqh 

[always-andromeda]

𝐢 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 ⟡ Joel Miller x F!Reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 ⟡ 2,896

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 ⟡ When Joel and Ellie return to Jackson, you learn that Joel might not be telling the full truth about the pair's journey to Salt Lake City.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ⟡ this thing is rough. and terrible. but I've had seeds of this in my drafts for the last year and I really wanted to embrace some angst for a hot second. so enjoy my first fic post-finals season lmao. also. I'm experimenting with styles so excuse the hot mess of a title card. divider by @saradika-graphics <3

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ⟡ no smut but regardless, minors do not interact. post-outbreak universe. angst, little bits of fluff and banter, but mostly angst. some sweet Ellie interactions. allusions to past relationship between reader and Joel. mentions of alcohol. descriptions of canon-typical blood and violence. nothing else I can think of but please let me know if anything else should be added!

THIS ACCOUNT STANDS WITH PALESTINE ⟡ HOW YOU CAN HELP PALESTINE ⟡ DAILY CLICK FOR PALESTINE

Part of you hadn't expected Joel to come back. The snow melted away and the flowers had begun to bloom once more but he was still gone. And in this world, gone is as good as dead. So that's what you assumed.

While Tommy held out hope – talking about what he had to show Joel when he got back – you didn't even dare to speak his name. You couldn't fathom what had happened to him or the miracle girl he'd ridden into Jackson with. But you hoped it was quick. Though you knew full well that men like him rarely ever earned merciful endings.

You allowed yourself to wish for it, though only for a few seconds at a time. Then it was back to reality, going on patrols, lending a hand wherever it was needed, and keeping the community alive. Anything to get your mind off the fact that he probably wasn't coming back.

You hadn't known Ellie long during their initial visit. Even still, her personality wasn't one that could be swallowed lightly. She had been inquisitive, skeptical, and sarcastic; a bundle of anger and hope so bright that you could see why Joel was so drawn to her. It made complete sense that he would see her deliverance to the Fireflies through.

Which is why you were shocked when Joel Miller and the miracle girl waltzed right back through the gates of Jackson. But they were both different; both fragmented versions of the people who had passed through the prior winter.

For one, he smiled. When Joel first locked eyes with you upon their homecoming, he fucking smiled. It was this crooked, delicate thing that seemed to waver once it reached his eyes. And that's when you knew that something was wrong. He didn't even have to say it. The unspoken truth was solidified with Ellie's silence.

There would be no cure.

You'd shared a weary look with Tommy then. And he'd pursed his lips at you before returning Joel's smile; a quiet acknowledgement that you were both aware of the uncanniness in both Ellie and Joel's behavior. Then he led the two off, probably to get them something to eat and then to confer with Maria on where they could stay.

The two of them adjusted well to the community. You’d heard from others about how large of a help Joel had been on patrols. His experience in taking down infected was invaluable. Ellie, on the other hand, had thrown herself into helping with the animals. At first she struggled to adapt to the early morning schedule of the other handlers, but otherwise she took to the tasks quickly. She seemed the most at peace around them and you understood it.

Jackson was the closest thing to friendly that you’d encountered in years. But it still got a little suffocating at times.

Outside of the animals, Ellie was quiet; mostly keeping to herself with her nose buried in a notebook.

This was another one of those instances. You took a step back from your current task: repairing part of a fence that had been kicked in by one of the horses. As you wiped the sweat from your forehead, you couldn’t help but notice the girl sitting crossed legged atop a bale of hay a few feet from where you stood. 

Making your way towards her, you saw she was drawing again. And as you peeked over her shoulder, you spotted a sketch of the horses as the riders were taking them back into their barn. In the half hour since they’d ridden past she’d managed to capture their swift movements in each rough figure. On the next page over you identified a portrait that was immediately familiar to you.

"Is that Joel?" you'd asked, gesturing to the open book in her lap.

She seemed startled from a daze upon hearing your voice. "Hm?"

"That drawing. It's Joel, right?"

"Oh, yeah," she answered. "I guess I'm getting better, huh? Since you can actually tell who it's supposed to be,” she huffed.

"With those eyebrows and that nose? Who else could it possibly be?"

Sure, he and Tommy shared some similarities. But Tommy’s wrinkles weren’t quite that deep. And though Joel had grown his hair out a bit more since coming to Jackson, it hadn’t quite reached his shoulders the way that Tommy’s did.

Right away, you were sure it was Joel. You could already envision the wrinkle between his thick brows that seemed to perpetually haunt his face. His lips were a thin line – almost pursed – and topped with a slightly overgrown mustache. Yet it wasn’t an angry expression. More…vulnerable, perhaps. As if Ellie had asked him to stand still for a minute before scribbling a rough outline of his features for reference.

"Well..." she trailed off. "The first few times I tried...he just looked like a constipated potato."

You snorted, which immediately made the girl start to smile, "It's true!"

Relieved to see her in such a good mood, you pushed a little further, "One day I'd like to see these angry potato drawings. Because I bet they're just as true to life as this one." You pointed towards her drawing.

Thankfully, she laughed. A few seconds passed and her voice went small, "Do you really think it looks good?" She stared up at you with those dark brown eyes, searching for your approval.

You nodded. "I wasn’t an art critic before the outbreak. But I am an expert on that man’s face. And I think it's pretty damn good. I’m sure you’ll only get better the more you practice.”

She murmurs her gratitude before falling back into a trance. Hair blowing gently in the wind around her face, you can’t help but notice the way that light gradually fades from her eyes.

“You alright?”

“Has he been acting…weird…to you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’ve known him longer than I have,” she sounds hesitant to admit. “You used to know him, I mean.”

You didn’t want to tell her the truth and further her worries. But something tells you that if you attempted to lie, she’d see right through it anyways. She’d find some way to get to the truth.

“He’s definitely been a little quiet lately. Just don’t know what for. Then again, he’s never been the type to share his feelings with anyone.”

“Not even with you?”

You snort, “Especially not me.” Remembering years of passive aggressive arguments and wordless apologies, it was unlikely that that part of him had changed much since those days. 

“Could you at least try to figure out what’s up with him?” for a moment, you detect a palpable anxiety in her tone. But she brushes it away swiftly before adding, “At least so we can rule out the possibility of dementia. Or whatever the fuck else it is that old people get.”

You roll your eyes at the attempt of a joke. “You’ve got it. I’ll see what I can find out.”

Turns out that saying you’d talk to Joel was a lot easier than actually doing it.

But then again, it had once been like this. All those years ago when it was just you, him, Tess, his brother, and the rest of the group that was moving through to Boston. Back then you’d always been at least a little afraid of him. Not only was he physically imposing and regularly proved the violence that laid just below the surface of his fingertips, but there was also the way he’d look at you like with that fucking face.

Like he was playing out how he’d get rid of you the moment you fucked up. Like he knew just how soft you were inside; how it was a wonder you’d even lived long enough to be standing in front of him looking as dumbfounded as you did. It was an expression that made your skin burn and your hands shake, only you were too stubborn to outwardly show it bothered you.

Slowly but surely, he’d mellowed out then. Surely, it would happen again.

If he was going to make any actual friends in town, it’d have to happen. He was already popular in his own right. The people of Jackson always got curious when someone new settled. It certainly didn’t help that this new someone happened to be Tommy’s brother.

They seemed to believe that Joel would be just like his bright eyed, bushy tailed little brother. And boy, did you get a kick out of seeing them realize how wrong they were.

Joel was polite, of course. But he wasn’t quick to cozy up with every person who came to his doorstep offering a housewarming present. No matter how many times you or Tommy assured Joel that it was all just friendly, he was reluctant to accept it.

You understood it. You’d had nearly as difficult a time acclimating to Jackson’s genial climate. Places like these just…couldn’t exist. It all felt like a mirage that would melt away in time. However, you came to discover that despite the close quarters and the occasionally nosy neighbors, you liked the place. To explain it simply, you liked belonging to something. The world would never be the way it was before, for better and for worse. But right here…people weren’t just surviving. They would live. 

And ever since he returned, you intended to show Joel just what that felt like.

The sun’s setting and the citizens of Jackson are already settling in for the evening, save for a handful of teenagers lingering in the streets. You pass by them, making your way towards the house at the end of the road. It’s a path you’ve become familiar with in the weeks since you started visiting Joel on an almost daily basis.

They aren’t always frivolous visits. Sometimes you help move furniture around. Sometimes you bring food when he’s been working all day. And sometimes on nights like tonight, if you manage to trade for a particularly good bottle of whiskey, you bring it straight to him to share.

It’s a good routine. One that makes you believe that you and him can bury the hatchet and start anew. If anything, it proves that though much time has passed since you and him had first met, you still know damn good and well how to push his buttons.

You knock on his door and are met with an obviously exhausted Joel. It’s hard to stop yourself from giving him a quick once over. When you do, you notice his hair has gotten the tiniest bit shaggier. Tufts of curls spill over his forehead and under his ears. He’d always cut it before it ever got the chance to grow like that.

The sight makes you smile. Joel Miller will never admit it, but living in Jackson is really starting to look good on him.

He rolls his eyes, “You again?”

“Oh, hush, you’re thrilled to see me,” you say before inviting yourself inside and heading straight towards his kitchen to deposit your alcoholic spoils.

“Thrilled is one hell of a descriptor.”

“Says the man who I’m sharing my liquor with.” You hold the bottle up before setting it down on his kitchen counter. “Besides, I’m just trying to get you a little out of your shell.”

Joel mumbles, “I’m doin’ alright on my own.”

“By fine you mean you’re fine trailing behind Tommy for the rest of your life? Because that’s the direction you’re headed in.”

He lets out an exasperated chuckle, “You know I made friends just fine before you came along, right?”

“Then you should have no problems with surprise visits from an old friend.” You intended to sound smug saying it. Instead it came off more longing than anything else.

Perhaps because you aren’t entirely sure what you and Joel even are anymore. A long time ago there was something more. But now? You look in his eyes and see apprehension brewing in them. He could go back and forth with you all day. Sincerity, on the other hand, was an entirely different matter.

Joel clears his throat before changing the subject. “You seen Ellie today? Tommy and I were up early for patrol this mornin’ so I didn’t get to check in with ‘er.”

“Oh, yeah, she was at the farm earlier. She’s been a real big help.”

“She doin’ alright?”

“Uh, she seems…nervous…to say the least.”

His brow furrows as his eyes meet yours. “Nervous? About what?”

You laugh awkwardly. “Are you even aware of all that she’s been through?”

“Is that supposed to be a joke?” The challenge in his voice is apparent.

“I just mean–” you stumble over your words before stopping to take a breath. You close your eyes and see Ellie’s face all over again; her features the embodiment of white noise. You’re swiftly moving into dangerous territory. But it still needs to be traversed. And there’s no going back after this.

“She’s been through a lot, Joel. One minute she’s being pushed around at some FEDRA boarding school. The next thing she knows she’s traveling across the country with the world on her shoulders. Now she’s here.” And there’s no cure, your mind whispers.

“Your point is…?”

You snap, “My point is that that’s a lot to fucking deal with, Joel.”

“She’s resilient,” he replies with an equal amount of grit.

“She’s a kid.”

He’s quiet. He can’t refute that. 

“And she saved your life,” you add.

He scoffs, “More times than I can count.”

“Don’t you think that entitles her to a little better than what you’re giving? A little more support? She’s living in that garage all alone and she’s–” His expression remains steely. Almost out of desperation, you bridge the gap between your hand and his.

“Please, tell me what happened. Why are you—”

“Don’t,” his tone is jagged and low; the growl a wounded dog gives when you step towards it. That’s when it hits you. Something about this terrifies him. And the shreds of trust leftover between you and him are the only thing keeping him from showing his teeth.

It’s been a long time since you’ve seen him look that afraid. The closest memory you can grasp is one from nearly a decade before when you and Joel had strayed from the group to scavenge a nearby grocery store. You’d never been very good at checking your surroundings. You hardly saw the haggard man coming at you. But you saw the flash of his knife. Felt the blade slash the side of your arm as you struggled with him. Felt a store shelf jab you in the back.

It had taken seconds after hearing the sound of your scream pierce the air for Joel to fly over and bring the man to the ground. A guttural yell in his throat, his fist fell continually. Over and over and over until the man was audibly choking on his own blood. You heard a small, strangled please. Then there’s one final, wet thunk; the sound of his own blade being buried into his flesh.

You remember Joel’s shoulders sagging when you got back to camp with the others. His knuckles were bright red. You gently wrapped them with cloth as he squeezed your knee with his uninjured hand.

You were exhausted that night but sleep wouldn’t find you. Joel would though. Through the quiet you’d realize that Joel was the only person you trusted to do so.

He barely uttered a word for a day or so afterwards. Part of you had expected to hear him chastise you for paying such little attention; to tell you that you were lucky he’d saved your ass again. Strangely, those words never came.

The next night he stared intently at the gauze covering the cut on your arm. In the cold, dark, dead of night while everyone else slept, he was fixated on you. Something about that look of his scared you more than his judgment ever did. 

The only words he ever spoke of the incident would come out of his mouth as the fire crackled and reflected in his dark eyes, “Don’t scare me like that ever again.” That was the moment you saw how much fear this world had instilled in him. Even more, you finally understood that his love language was violence.

That’s how you start to understand why he practically snarls at you now. But it doesn’t mean you agree with it.

“You have to tell me at some point or another,” you say slowly and carefully, trying to make it clear that you mean no harm to him. “At the very least, you have to tell her. She’ll never forgive you if you don’t.”

Joel sighs. You can tell that he knows this; knows it better than anyone else in the world. He’d probably run the notion over in his mind dozens of times at that point. “I will. Just…just not now. Just—”

Though his eyes will no longer meet yours, you hope that he’s telling the truth. 

“Alright,” you reply softly.

Eyebrow raised and lips pursed, he looks skeptical. “Alright?”

“Yeah. You–” There’s so much more you wish you could say. But you doubt he’d really hear any of it. After all, he’s just as wounded and stubborn as you.  “I believe you.”

“Okay.”

[staticofthetv]

Take two!

Favourite frames from the new B-Side chapter, featuring some analysis because I have coherent thoughts this time 'round :D

Beware, spoilers below for the B-Side as well as the manga

@veiled-bird that goes for you too, you're nowhere near meeting this guy yet

First up, I love this chapters art. It reminds me of when I was little and asking my dad to help my brother and I beat the last level of episode 3 in lego star wars tcs

Also the chapter title? I have so many thoughts, they'll be discussed more in depth further down but they will be discussed /pos

Numbers weapon 1 mention!! I'm very excited to (hopefully) get more lore about it. Although I am curious if it's like a contact lens or something, I thought it was closer to a surgical implant or maybe some weird side effect from using numbers weapon 1. Mostly because I don't think he's been drawn with normal eyes yet in the manga (at least from what I remember)

Either way very much hoping we get some more numbers weapon 1 lore in this :)

This whole scene but specifically "what good does a test proving I'm abnormal do" hits so hard, especially as someone diagnosed with ADHD in my late teens. Having that feeling of there's something wrong with me for so long and being brushed off every time because I didn't act like the stereotypical 10 year old boy with severe ADHD (a psychiatrist literally told me and my mum i probably had adhd but she wouldnt diagnose me,) I did start to kind of give up on ever figuring it out.

Narumi was incredibly relatable to me in the main manga (not because I'm a badass, I'm very lame lmao) because of the behaviours he exhibits, hyperfocusing on games, constant dopamine seeking (through videogames and online shopping,) needing to be fiddling with something to better process the information being given out, etc.

Narumi is also incredibly smart, its stated explicitly that he got top scores in the entrance exam and I can't imagine those tests are anywhere near easy. It gives neurodivergent kid being told they just need to apply themselves to do better in school/make friends/just function in a neurotypical way in general.

This also comes from his being kicked out of several orphanages, and then even after joining the defence force (especially after being told by Isao that they take anyone that can show skills and results) getting kicked out by the second division and every platoon in the first until he ends up under hasegawa. Considering the title too this is 100% supposed to read as the classic "troubled kid" (many of which are neurodivergent) that not many are willing to put effort into helping. Isao is giving him a way out of the life of having no home to go back to, only to be struck with the threat of getting kicked out once again a year later. Narumi is a very skilled and capable fighter and no one in their right mind would argue with that and it once again all comes down to being labelled as too difficult, hard to work with, never paying attention

This chapter just hits so close to home with me

Baby Mina!! I know there's a decent amount if it in the manga but it's still weird to see her with short hair. I love her so much

There are many more words of appreciation I have but all thought went into dissecting Narumi's character lol

And so being kicked around by hasegawa begins

I love his face here, top tier expression

And here we see Isao solidifying the thought of skill and results being all that matters, there's no way Isao was going to let Narumi get kicked out, especially not after showing aptitude for handling numbers weapon 1. I like to think at this point he does also care for Narumi, I think he sees a lot of Kikoru (or what she could be) in him and especially he sees himself in Narumi. And even though he's only ranked captain Isao would clearly fight to keep Narumi on the force (he probably already had to for Narumi to get transferred to the first division instead of just being dropped when he didn't mesh with the second)

This is also the beginning of Isao and Narumi's mentor/mentee relationship, Isao knows exactly how to handle Narumi and his child prodigy-ness and help him reach his potential as a defence force officer. I think that's part of why Isao shows little care for how Narumi handles himself when off duty, it may be that he knows he can't change Narumi in that way, it may be that he himself just doesn't care for all the professional decorum, either way Isao plays the very important role of being Narumi's main support while he's in the defence force (until Isao dies anyway, whoops.) Narumi needed a space where he could not only be himself but be accepted for it and have the trust of his peers and superiors that he would get the job done when he needs to, and whether it was on purpose or not Isao provided exactly that for him.

This also ties back into the earlier ramble about Narumi being the typical undiagnosed neurodivergent "troubled kid"

(Also the origin of what Narumi says to Kikoru ~9 years in the future :D)

Omg jaeger is canon? Kaiju no. 8 and pacific rim crossover when? /j

Another interesting tidbit about Narumi is his self confidence, he knows he's capable and isn't afraid to tell people that. He says playing support is annoying but what I see is someone that knows he can do better placed somewhere else and has decided to take that into his own hands. He won't get kicked out of the defense force but I wouldn't be surprised if he gets into a shit ton of trouble for taking Isao's words to heart and disregarding his orders, even though I do think he'll be an asset to the battle and perform better being closer to the front lines.

Poor hasegawa has his work cut out for him keeping Narumi in check (a captain and vice-captain match made in hell)

[were-changing-cake-vaults]

Who’d Even Look Me In The Eye

“You realize we’re screwed, yeah? There’s no getting out of this unscathed, Wem. We’re dead meat.”

He laughs, an empty little breath. “We’ve been screwed since the beginning, Squiddo.”

Hello and welcome to my partykillers manifesto. They rotate in my head like rotisserie chickens constantly so it was inevitable that this fic would be written lmao

This isn’t ship! At best this is a doomed toxic friendship trying to mend itself and failing. If it came off as ship, uhhhhhh. Whoops I guess. Idk interpret it as you want ig I just didn’t intend it to be romantic.

Content warning for mention of vomiting and general lifesteal violence, title from Kiss Me, Son Of God by They Might Be Giants (which is THE Team Nuke song. To me)

Please reblog if u liked it and enjoy!!!

Wemmbu is sitting on the edge of the crater that used to be 4C’s base when Squiddo finds him. He’s idle, swinging his legs back and forth over the yawning gap below, leaning back on his arms as if he were simply enjoying a nice sunset. Conveniently, the sun is in fact setting, orange and pink hues filtering through Squiddo’s glasses. The final few rays reflect off of Wemmbu’s polished crown, scattering light like pockmarks of the wreckage.

Squiddo doesn’t approach him right away. She wasn’t exactly looking for the man- they were simply wandering, as a Squiddo often does, their feet guiding them as thoughts ran wild in their brain. Her feet and scattered mind brought her here either by coincidence or fate, and it’s never in her favor when she walks into a situation blind like that. Around Wemmbu especially, with how he can change at the drop of a hat, laughing one moment and snarling another. It’s best to watch him carefully, first, see how he’s acting when he thinks he’s alone before entering the fray. For that reason, Squiddo hides behind one of the boulders that came careening down in the explosion, hidden eyes trained on the man twenty feet away from them.

They don’t find it strange that he’s devoid of any tension while surveying the wreckage. This is his coup de grace, his shining achievement; a monument of his sheer power in a world that wants to beat him down. There’s a fondness in Wemmbu’s eyes as he casts them across the landscape, soft smile reaching them without any effort. Contrastly, if Squiddo weren’t focusing on analyzing him as if he were some sort of crossword puzzle that was being particularly difficult, they’re pretty sure they would be full to the brim with a manic sort of regret- small fits of laughter would bubble up from somewhere in her chest, despite a lack of a smile. And then she would probably vomit over the edge, because guilt does that to them.

Here’s the difference between Wemmbu and Squiddo, as partnered as they are: Squiddo never wanted this. The first time, when it was just a mean move on the chessboard in a family diner, it was fine. It was funny, even, to watch as people she had just gotten to know fall lifeless, their souls yanked backwards at a million miles per hour. That was part of the game everyone had agreed to play. This—the air strike, the destruction, the days of stress, the sound of Wemmbu’s screaming demands echoing through their head—was a step too far for them, even if 4C had agreed to it, and she had initially been willing to pitch in. Maybe it was because working on the nuke itself had worn them down to skin and bones, sleep abandoning them in moments of need, but something had switched in her head upon watching the TNT fall from the sky. Something in them screamed wrongness, and suddenly, instead of pride welling up at finally getting the damn thing working, regret surged into her for letting this happen. For having a hand in it. The sharpness in Wemmbu’s voice as he made his ultimatum—something he never clued her and 4C on—only solidified that feeling in her stomach.

Speaking of Wemmbu, he’s still just sitting there, kicking his legs. From this angle, Squiddo can’t entirely read his face, but there seems to be no tension as far as they can tell. He’s in his element, something she hasn’t seen from him since the nuke went off. It’s not odd in any manner, it’s just…off putting. Disconcerting. Something Squiddo can’t make an accurate prediction out of. But if fate brought them here, surely it meant something, the same way it must’ve meant something for them to join lifesteal in the first place, so she steadies her resolve and lifts herself from the crouching position she took upon seeing him.

They can tell exactly when he’s alerted to their presence- in an instant, his posture tenses, fingers digging into the rough terrain. His crown jostles a bit as he silently tries to locate the sound. It’s easily missable, those little quirks, but Squiddo knows Wemmbu better than anyone else on this server. She’s had to pay attention to those quirks for days on end, before. She can read him like a book if he lets them. Knowing him, he won’t give them the chance.

“Y’know I can hear your footsteps, Squiddo,” he calls out without moving.

“How’d you know it was me?” They reply, but they know the answer already. Wemmbu just huffs a laugh in response. So far, the tension in the air is minimal- both of them are holding their breath, keeping it light as if their friendship hasn’t been atomized three times over. She can almost pretend that nothing has changed, if it weren’t for the visual reminder in front of them.

Wemmbu doesn’t keep the game up for long, though. “Why are you here?” he asks, and the familiar sarcastic bite to his voice makes itself known between words. It’s less of a question and more of a challenge, a test to see if they’re worthy of his presence. “I thought you hated me, or something.”

That’s odd, Wemmbu getting vulnerable so quickly. Squiddo knows it’s an act, his way of lowering her own guard so he can lure them in, but she’s not entirely mad about it. As much as they wish he would just take the hits as is rather than scheming his way out of every mildly uncomfortable situation, they know it’s in his nature to put up the front as quickly as possible. Usually, the banter lasts longer, is the thing. He’s particularly bothered by them being here. They don’t know if they like that or not.

Instead of lingering on it, though, she moves on, ignoring the sentence that was tacked onto his question. “You know me. I wander. Ended up wandering here.”

“Right.” Translation: cut the bullshit, Squiddo.

The huff that comes out of her is a mix of frustration and relief. It’s still the same old Wemmbu, and that’s both good and bad news. Which Wemmbu it is, Squiddo doesn’t know, but they’ll take their chances on it being the one that won’t kill her on sight.

He doesn’t move when she walks up to the edge and sits down next to him. His sword, if he’s even got one on him, stays in his inventory. The only change between either of them is that Squiddo starts swinging their legs in sync with his, hands gripping the edge of the crater to keep balance. She pointedly doesn’t look down- as much as she dislikes Wemmbu’s lack of tells, she doesn’t want to show her own, and the queasiness would eliminate her already weak poker face.

For a long moment, both of them just watch the sun set in front of them. The air smells of smoke and iron, the lingering traces of their actions hanging heavy on their shoulders. Grass has begun to creep through the cracks in the rock, nature claiming the wreckage as its own once again. For anyone else, it’s beautiful. To Squiddo, it still is, but the gentle beauty is easily trampled by fear and guilt.

It’s Wemmbu who breaks the silence, voice flat and casual. “I don’t regret a thing, you know.”

Her tone is similarly flat. No tells. “Distinctly aware of that, yep.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” he continues, leaning back on his palms, soft smile gracing his face again, “it was hell. Building the nuke, I mean. Those schematics are burned into my retinas to the point where I could rebuild it blindfolded. I tried to, once. Spoke caught me before I could finish.”

“Were you gonna use it?”

He shrugs. Lets the silence between them simmer, as if he’s just enjoying the view. Knowing him, he probably is.

“Eh. Wouldn’t’ve done much, probably. Most likely would’ve just blown up in my face.”

More silence. Something Squiddo knows about Wemmbu: he doesn’t trust silence. This situation is probably eating him alive, with the way they’re dancing around the metaphorical elephant. It’s eating them alive, too, waiting for his reaction, for him to settle on a mood. She swallows her desire to just start crying, or laughing, or something. Now’s not the time for that. Now is the time to just get on with it, either by playing the game of chess he’s laid out with this conversation, or push him off the cliff while he’s vulnerable.

Her voice is steady when she speaks. “I don’t know if I regret it or not.”

“What, like it wasn’t exciting?”

“Our definitions of exciting are very different, Wemmbu.”

He chuckles at that, as if it’s another late night at the launch site and they’re goofing around again. “Squiddo. Squiddo. You can be mad all you want, but you can’t deny it wasn’t at least a little bit fun.”

He’s trying to get a rise out of her, she knows. She hates that it’s working. She hates that they’re sliding back into normalcy. She hates that she can imagine 4C next to her, swinging his legs in time with her. She lets that hate seep into her next words.

“Fun?! Fun was when Zam and Minute were dressed as the FNaF animatronics celebrating my fake birthday. Fun was when you would be away and me and 4C would dick around the launch site like children. Fun was 4C undulating in the wiring! Fun was messing with the secret controls! Fun was filling spawn with water! You?,” Squiddo gestures to the landscape in front of them, shadows forming as the sun dips below the horizon, “This? This was a living nightmare, Wemmbu! And I-“

She cuts herself off with a huff, falling back onto the rocky soil behind her. Tears are making their glasses fog up, so she takes them off, pressing her palms into her eyes to ward off any frustration. The breath they didn’t know they were holding releases from their chest. Wemmbu doesn’t move from his spot on the cliff edge, nor does he pull out a weapon of some kind. He must be in a really good mood today, if he’s not killing her for that jab against him.

In front of them, the sun finally dips below their view of the horizon. Stars speckle the darkening sky. In any other situation, Squiddo could watch them for hours; in this one, they break the silence with a quiet, wavering conviction.

“You realize we’re screwed, yeah? There’s no getting out of this unscathed, Wem. We’re dead meat.”

He laughs, an empty little breath. “We’ve been screwed since the beginning, Squiddo.”

She knew this. Those same words have been going through their head over and over, spurring her to pace, get out, go somewhere. Hearing it from him, though, is a heavy weight on her chest, one that makes the regret swirling in her stomach do flips.

“Then why’d you do it?”

“What else was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, not set an ultimatum that couldn’t be fulfilled?”

By the sound of rocks rustling and pebbles tumbling down the side of the crater, Wemmbu has finally stood up. He takes the time to dust himself off, hands brushing against fabric in an almost rhythmic manner. If Squiddo opens her eyes, she can see him standing over her, arms crossed and eyes unreadable, assessing her as if she’s under a microscope. It doesn’t worry her as much as the fact that her eyes were closed around Wemmbu does.

After what feels too long of an analysis, he speaks, falling into his typical tone of monologue. “Power is a fickle thing, Squiddo. It’s not just you have it or you don’t. You have to earn it in a manner that no one has done before, and it never lasts as long as you want it to. But oh, I wanted it. I joined the race for power on a server where everyone has done everything to get it. I had to take the risk.

And you know, maybe it wasn’t worth it. You said it best. We’re fucked. No matter what we do, in the long run, there’s no getting out of this alive. But I have at least some time left before it all goes to hell, so I’m gonna make it count. Every second of it.”

The difference between Wemmbu and Squiddo, as partnered as they will be: Squiddo never wanted this.

Wemmbu holds out a gloved hand. The black contrasts nicely with the neon purple of his skin, bloodstains barely noticeable. Most of that blood is probably Minute’s, if they had to guess. “You’re along for the ride, as much as you claim innocence. Might as well stop crying about it and make it count too.”

They take his hand, hoisting themself up with his help. That heavy feeling hasn’t left their chest, but it’s something Squiddo knows how to live with by now.

“Never said I was claiming innocence, Wem. I was just mad.”

“Aren’t we all, Squiddo, aren’t we all.”

The reason Squiddo keeps teaming with Wemmbu, as different as they are: neither of them know when to stop.

For a long moment, they both just stand there, looking over the crater. In the moonlight, it takes on an eerie sense of calm, a silent mourning underneath the cover of night. That calm washes over Squiddo as she watches the patches of grass away in the breeze. Then Wemmbu turns to leave, shoving a hand in an unseen pocket and placing the other on their shoulder.

“You never answered my question, by the way.”

This time, it’s her who lets out the huff of a laugh. “About hating you? Can’t. I try not to hold grudges, if you can believe it.”

He laughs back in reply, a hearty thing combined with a layer of sarcasm. “God, you sound like Minute, the freak. I don’t think that man is capable of having a mean bone in his body.”

“I have no clue how he’s survived this long, honestly.”

It’s nice, as much as Squiddo doesn’t want it to be, talking to Wemmbu again. Her mind brought her here, and it’s probably because she needed it- she cares about her other server mates, of course, but the same way she knows Wemmbu, he knows her. No one else can rile up their audacity the way he can. No one else can make her feel okay with living in a war zone like lifesteal. Ash tried, but Ash is a different breed of player, and works on a different playing field. Squiddo sticks with what she knows, and she knows Wemmbu, as unfortunate as that can be.

And yes, they’re screwed, but for a moment, underneath the sparkling navy sky, Squiddo pretends that both of them have more time than they do.

[lovelylotusf1]

Bingo Bongo Bongo Stray Dogs AU??? I am so intrigued by this combination of words 👀

Tell me more!

Ahhh, thank you for the ask Charlie! <3

It's not really a full fic idea yet, just a vague outline and a few dialogue snippets but I love it so much so this'll be quite long.

Basically, it's a fusion with the anime "Bungo Stray Dogs" and it came to me in a dream before I yapped at the lovely @wanderingblindly and it solidified into a greater idea! And the Bingo Bongo ist just there because it sounds funny😆

In this AU, some people have an "Ability" basically special powers that can be very specific or very vague. Those abilities can literally be ANYTHING, which makes this so fun. In the original anime, one guy can transform into a tiger, another can make objects out of whatever he writes in a special notebook, and another can "withstand bomb blasts as long as the bombs are lemon-shaped" lmao. The only rule is kind of that the abilities' names have to reference book titles. So creating abilities for the drivers was really fun :D

It would be a lestappen murder mystery story, basically:

There has been a series of strange murders in Monaco and the police suspect the culprit to be an Ability User, which is why they ask the two detectives who are considered experts when it comes to Abilities: Max and Charles.

Charles' ability would be known quite soon because he likes to use it: "The Killer's perfume" (reference to the book "Perfume - the story of a murderer"). If people smell his scent, he can control their emotions. This is why he's often called in for interrogations, since he has learned what exactly people need to feel so they confess.

Max's ability is unknown😉 Or more exactly - people can't figure it out because it almost seems like he has multiple abilities at once (which isn't possible).

Max only gets informed that he's been assigned a partner AFTER he's already at a crime scene, and he's not very pleased that he has to work with someone. Charles also doesn't make the best first impression and his attitude is confusing tp Max. He seems so sure of himself, almost as if he's certain how Max should react to his words. For a moment, Charles is angry when he realises that Max doesn't feel the way he is supposed to, before Charles can plaster his facade back on.

In their heads, they're both suspicious of the other, maybe even thinking that the OTHER is the murderer.

Then I realised, I have to be smart to make a murder mystery story so the WIP has been dormant ever since😔

Ask me stuff about my wips

[shiawasekai]

For Nela: 9, 23, 25?

Thank you so much for these, Dujour! They were fun!

Answers to this ask meme

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

Now I've mentioned before I don't do playlists and I only check lyrics for a very select few things...

Which means my pool of options is very shallow and the lyrics that come to mind are from something VERY obscure. This is my personal translation of the lyrics (done at the moment, too). For the title and further details, please DM me if you want. I would very much like to not summon that particular fandom:

"You humans may not realize it, but you avoid lighting up what's dark

And, did you know? Darkness, left unchecked, just grows deeper, murkier

And you, you have the face of someone living like they have no darkness within

It's so nice and comforting, to be within someone like you..."

Yeah... Yeah.

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

Now that's a hard question.

For the hardest to process, I lean towards insecurity.

So many of her problems boil down to poorly managing her insecurities. Societal pressure gave her such a complex she spent years on a self-destructive campaign of teenage rebellion and then, she struggles during the game in no small part because she was too insecure and with no actual support system. There is a reason I argue she would have an easier time as a companion, having someone (the KC) to fully rely on.

There are other emotions at play in both instances, but I feel insecurity is the one that has most consistently given her trouble.

As for the hardest to express... That's guilt. No contest.

During the late game and post-game, one of the main reasons she doesn't seek out help is because she feels guilty about her own thoughts and fears voicing them would only hurt those around her. For a long time, she's blind to the fact she is actually hurting them even more this way.

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

That one is both hard and easy. There is a lot I love about her, but... her design has a very, very special place in my heart.

Before I sat down to draw her, I was feeling quite unmotivated with my art. I didn't feel ready to design my own characters from scratch and, being a very OC-driven artist, that drastically reduced the pool of options. Not being able to branch out made it hard to find said motivation.

Mind you, designing Nela was h a r d and ironing out that first draft of her design took me way longer than I care to admit. So many failed attempts... What started as some silly low stakes doodles to solidify a bit more the image in my mind (to never be shared) turned into a whole endeavor.

But it opened a door for me: I could, in fact, do character design!! I didn't need to limit myself! It was hard, but possible! It didn't turn out terrible at least!

... And I've been ever since in the biggest drawing spree since I started with drawing (admittedly that's not very long lmao). I've worked on the designs of multiple characters already, and I want to give more of my children an actual face. I'm so thankful for what she gave me (the creative freedom, the motivation) and proud of the work I put into it.

It may be also why I've gone above and beyond to develop said design further. Insert here reference sheet shenanigans.

This whole situation is made funnier because I remember stressing out over how much time I was dedicating to it because that was time I wasn't practicing things like, you know, posing, anatomy, color/shading/render...

[v-mum-writes]

First time ive drawn anything this month and i kinda gave up lining and colored it sloppily lmao it but tada.

AU where Sakura was the sensei for three traumatized orphans. Cause who doesnt love a Roleswap.

Anyway. Long list of notes and ideas bellow.

Naruto Uzumaki: -Nine Tailed Jinchurki Genin, Last of the known Uzumaki. -Basically, Sakura-sensei’s adoptive Nephew. -The moody atmosphere oh his teammates is rubbing off on him and making him increasinly pouty. -Possessive of Sakura-chan with Intense youngest-child-syndrome. -Wants desperately to learn Sakura’s super strength, -Thinks Sasuke is a spoiled baby. Thinks Kakashi is a spoiled baby. HE’S the spoiled baby. -Scared he wont be good enough.

Sasuke Uchiha: -Uchiha Genin, Second Heir to the Title of Clan head. -Thinks it’s awkward to have his older brother’s friend and medic teacher as his sensei. -Thinks it’s bellow him to be competitive with either of his teammates, but still is anyway. -Outraged that Sakura wont let him wear gear with the Uchiha Symbol on it if they leave the village. -Gets embaressingly excited when Sakura shows them medical ninjutsu, because Itachi is a medical apprentice, and that makes it cool. -Horrified of ANBU, convinced they will kill him and his family.

Kakashi Hatake: -Last of his clan, Head of the Hatake Clan. -Academy Student, age 4. -Refuses to use or practice Medical Ninjutsu. -Thinks the other two are weak and will never improve, but tries to be a competent teammate anyway. -Extremely casual about it, but touch starved and very touchy. But like, not in an affectionate way. Obviously. He doesnt need that. Obviously. -Terrified someone will die.

Sakura Haruno: -Heir of the Family, Last Family of the Haruno no Uzushio. -Prodigee of the Sanin, Student of the Yondaime, S-Rank Kunoichi, Flee on Sight. -Gave her students red gloves with Punch-Enhancing Seals as a reward for passing her Bell Test that immedeatly solidified her as insane to the other Jonin Teachers. -Gets flack from all three of her students for refusing to let them were their various brightly colored preferences out of the village despite wearing red herself. “When you can punch without wearing your gloves, you can pick your mission clothes.” -Might start another riot in the village if one more thing goes wrong around here that she has to fix herself. -Besties with Might Gai. Her students think she’s insane for it. -Certain she’s going to mess up and ruin them.

---------------

The Haruno: -Survivor and Immigrant from Uzushio, arrived to konoha as a young child; arrived with her parents shortly after Kushina’s family, one of the last-leaving survivors of the destruction. -The Haruno Clan was mostly civilian with an occasional Shinobi in the family. The clan was average sized, with a strong focus Herbology and related merchants: perfumes, flowers, wines, medicines, paper, etc. Sakura and her parents were the only known survivors of the Haruno Clan. -The Haruno Clan did not have frequent shinobi members because, unlike other famous Uzushio Clans, they were not known for large Chakra Reserves; in fact, they were known for smaller-than-average reserves at best. Sakura is no exception. -However, The Haruno Clan was known by other ninja for having unusual Chakra with strange behaviors. They also had a strong elemental nature that preferred Water or Earth, and tended to come with imbalances in Yin or Yang Chakra that could swing wildly with little to no ill effect. -While the Harunos were little-known for their lack of producing powerful or noteworth Shinobi prior to their near-destruction, they had been very well known in Uzushio and among Merchant civilians. They were wealthy, powerful traders, and at the height of their power often married Powerful Shinobi that increased their standing. Some members of the Haruno family carried the hyphenated last name of Senju-Haruno, Uzumaki-Haruno, and even one noteworthy Uchiha-Haruno long before Uzushio formed. -Despite being mostly civilian, and having small reserves, there were almost no Haruno Members that didnt practice or use their chakra.

The Tale: -Sakura is 28 at the point “Naruto” would begin, and is assigned her rambunctious squad, Team Seven. Which would mean she is: One year old when the Second Shinobi War Begins, Two then Jiriaya starts teaching Minato,  Ten when the Third war ends and Tsunade Leaves konoha, Fourteen when all of the original Rookie nine are born, and is Eighteen when Konoha finally puts the age-limitation law for Shinobi. -For some age Comparisons: Sakura is 11 years younger than Minato and Kushina, 25 years younger than the Sanin, and 7 years younger than Sasori or the Amegakure orphans. She’s one year Older than Kakashi would have been; 12 years older than the rookie nine collective. -Sakura grows up in the time period where the Second war raged and never exactly died down, and grew up almost exclusively during a war-time era as a civilian-regarded refugee, like her parents, Neither of which were shinobi although both had practiced and used their Chakra. -Sakura was marshalled into the Shinobi Academy at three and Graduates at five years old. She is believed to have graduated so young as canon-fodder based on her Civilian parantage and early graduation. However, he makes Chunin less than a year after Genin, before she is six. Sakura makes Jonin one year before the Third War breaks at the age of seven. She spends four years in ANBU from the end of the third war, age ten to fourteen. From there she continues her Shinobi work as a Jonin and Medic, after orochimaru goes Rogue and jiriaya leaves the village. -At three years old, shortly after she joined the academy, she meets one Minato Namikaze (then 14), also of Civilian Parentage, and he begins helping her in her training. About a year’s time after, Minato introduces Sakura to Jiriaya along side Kushina. The three form an unoficially-dubbed “Team Jiriaya” for lessons. Upon Sakura’s graduation one more year later, the unofficial team continues meeting, but Sakura is instead assigned a Genin Instructor whom, shortly therafter, died in the field. Sakura is not reassigned a Sensei due to shortages in available ninja. -at six years old, Sakura is assigned to Team Minato alongside Rin and Obito (who are both nine, and Minato is now currently 17). Sakura functions more as a Teaching aid to minato, as the two have been training together for years. In order to make sure her own training does not stagnate, Minato has Jiriaya introduce Sakura to the currently retires Tsunade who does not participate in field work for the war and, thus, has free time. Sakura is additionally introduced to Orochimaru, and all three Sanin teach or train her in pieces and parts over time. This is a student relationship that persists until Tsunade leaves the village, at which point Sakura is 10, and a Jonin. Shortly after, Sakura joins ANBU. -Sakura leaves ANBU at 14 when her last two senseis go rouge, a year after her teammates from “team jiriaya” have died and the Kyuubi disaster. Upon returning to Jonin work and re-submerging herself in life outside of ANBU work, she takes to the decaying state of the Konoha hospital with full viger. -at 15, there is an attempted kidnapping of the Hyuuga Heiress. Sakura, preoccupied, turns her attention from the hospital and rebuilding her ties quietly, to the current affairs of Shinobi. her focus settles onto the piss poor state of youthcare. She becomes involved in disapearing cases of children around the village, as well as mistreatment or poor health of young-aged shinobi. Her investegations lead her to discover an orphan so-named Naruto Uzumaki- completely unaware of his parentage to her old sensei/teammates. -As a refugee of Uzushio, Sakura is resonable startled to find an Uzumaki orphan, as her parents once told and still tell her of the now-extinct clan. investegation of him out of curiosity turn up deplorable conditions. Sakura becomes immersed in fighting the hokage for improved conditions for children, loudly supporting the proposed graduation limit for young shinobi in the academy, and in a move that startled almost everyone involved or knowing her, files for adoption of one Naruto Uzumaki at the age of 16. -Sakura does not aquire custody of Naruto but proceeds to adopt him in every sense she is allowed- providing gifts, harassing mistreaters, and assisting the then-3-year-old with lessons mostly involving reading, young chakra excorcises, and age-appropriate ninja lessons. The atttention rapidly solidifies Naturo’s adoration. Sakura is affectionately refered to as his cousin, his aunt, or his older sister. -the law on graduation limits is passed as sakura is 18 years old. Unrelated to her sudo-adoption of Naruto, Sakura is continuing to investegatate other cases of missing or harmed orphans or children in the village, as well as involving herself in cases of troubled shinobi youths, working closely with the Yamanaka and Uchiha She has also taken on a Misson partner with Might Gai, whom she appreciated for his viger and his undaunted personality, as well as his willingness to help babysit Naruto when she’s busy. She becomes more-involved in the case of Uchiha Itachi, whom she had already previously encountered due to warning flags earlier in his young career, and becomes increasinly invested in when she concludes he has recently joined ANBU at the age of 10, younger than the new academy law. -Sakura’s involvment at age 19 leads to her further involvement in the Uchiha Massacre, which she does not manage to prevent entirely, but many lives end up spared, including one Uchiha Itachi and his younger brother and mother. There is a large number of non-uchiha casualties. The Massacure is still carried out, this time by ROOT, for which Itachi is framed and captured for, but ultimately is relieved as innocent, again by Sakura’s involvement. Itachi later begins medical training under Sakura as a student medic in the hospital. -Sakura encounters Kakashi Hatake, last of the Hatake, at 24 years old. He is a new-born infant to his older and disgraced retired veteran father, who’s wife passes away during the childbirth. Sakura is freshly returned from a mission and has stopped at the hospital, encountering the situation at hand, where Sakumo Hatake has attempted his life but narrowly survived and is brought to the hospital. Sakura joins the effort of healing the ‘head’ of the dying-out clan, with success.  however, these becomes an annual issue where Sakumo attempts his life once a year as he wife’s passing arrives. -Sakura does not actually encounter Kakashi again after seeing him as a newborn until she is 27. She is confronted by a very skilled three year old that is currently in the academy in his first year, and has sought her out as the best medic in the village, notoriously trained by the Sanin, and being in his bingo book with a flee-on-sight order for almost two decades. And for having intrests, rumor has it, in becoming involved in the lives of “young prodigees.” He insists Sakura teach him, as current academy laws and lesson plans are not enough. Sakura, recognizing him by name, and observing he’s already dangerously advanced, agrees to teach him when he is not in the academy- and insists the first thing he learns be medical ninjutsu. Kakashi agrees to this easier than sakura expected. -Sakura has been teaching Kakashi for less than a few months when his father attempts his life once last time. Kakashi, with bare-bones rudimentry medical skills not even nearing medical ninjutsu itself, is sufficiently scarred by his ‘failure’. She is at the hospital when the already-diseased body arrives, Kakashi in tow being aggressively dressed down for his attempt to fix the problem himself rather than get help, which ‘maybe contributed’ to his father not being recusitated or healed in time. -Kakashi refuses to practice medical ninjutsu, or basic first aid, with Sakura again. But they resume training some few weeks later under his insistance, Sakura teaching him non-medical practices as his situation strongle reminds her of Tsunade’s trauma and she chooses not to press him... for now. -At 28, Sakura is chosen for Jonin Teacher line up. And knowing Naruto is about to graduate, she’s both terribly surprised, and already very sure she knows why she’s been chosen despite  the position requiring her take a leave from the hospital despite being it’s head medic. due to an uneven number of appropriate graduates, Sakura is only being assigned two genin, along side one “academy student” to ‘tutor’. This is Sakura’s assignment: Her devoted ‘nephew,’ Naruto Uzumaki, the moody brother of her now-friend, Sasuke Uchiha, and her chaotic four-year-old tag along, Kakashi Hatake.

[saccadesoup]

HIII

RELIGIOUS SYMBOLISM IN TOTHEARK VIDEOS!!! THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS??? :O

Intellectual conversation prompt for intellectuals

OUGH YES TY FOR BRINGING THIS UP /GEN

unorganised ramble under the cut

starting with the name ToTheArk itself, it’s a pretty clear reference to Noah’s Ark. i think the operator represents the sin that plagued pre-flood humanity, sickly and spreading, taking hold of anyone it touches. TTA is hellbent on finding ‘the ark’ (“FIND ALEX/FIND THE ARK”) which is some form of salvation from the operator - the whole concept is like a slightly twisted metaphor for the bible story.

in the actual videos, rain/water imagery is used a lot, further solidifying this metaphor - the rain in ‘impurity’, plus the title of ‘deluge’ literally means a huge flood. the underwater/ripple effect in ‘broadcast’ combined with the question in the description (“are you drowning?”) makes me think TTA is actually asking something along the lines of “are you tainted by the operator? will you drown when the flood comes? do you need to be cleansed of his sin?”

also the stigmata symbol is so interesting to me... the clip of alex bleeding from his head like how the crown of thorns on jesus’ head would’ve made him bleed. then TTA wanting alex to “bleed more”

imo the motive behind using this religious imagery could simply just be. to fuck with everyone. they all grew up in the bible belt, were probably raised catholic or some other denomination, and by using these symbols of their childhood and forgotten faith… it’s almost like TTA is mocking them. religious trauma n all that

also not really related to anything just something i wanted to point out - TTA’s videos have 3 distinct styles, possibly reminiscent of the holy trinity: the son, the father and the holy ghost, all coming together to form one entity, the christian god, or in this case, TTA (all of this plays into the “3 people running it” theory). throughout marble hornets, TTA does ‘play god’ quite a bit, often seeming all-knowing (especially early on in the series). they’re able to do things that seemingly shouldn’t be possible, such as filming their videos without getting caught or having tapes that they shouldn’t reasonably have access to.

it’s been a while since i’ve watched through the whole series so if some of these don’t make sense in context just ignore them LMAO

[matrixbunni]

Divine Timing.

Are you ever perplexed by how things always seem to work out? Sometimes you just feel SO hopeless, where there is no way out, and everything just seems extremely fucked. And you're just thinking - how could this ever be fixed?

There's been many instances in my life where this has been the case. But for some reason things always find a way - and I don't know if its some divine being, or the universe, or some gracious third variable at play, but I am so grateful. Sometimes things don't make sense to me, in the moment or for awhile, but then it does.

Losing certain people in my life eventually led me to better appreciate the new people in my life in a different light. It made me realize that there are better, that I could be treated better, that I could give more of myself and not be taken advantage of. I've met people that actually have no ulterior motives - can you believe it - and just love me for the sake of loving me. Experiencing certain heartbreaks, romantic, platonic, familial, has allowed me to better communicate my feelings and solidify my inner circle.

I have women in my life that genuinely want me to succeed. I have women in my life that see my efforts, don't view me as competition, and truly see me for me. Not just as the party friend, not as a random micro influencer, just me. Where were able to have deep talks about life, our values, our struggles, and everything in between without any judgment.

I have men in my life that truly inspire me to be a better person. That challenge me to do things I've either fallen out of love with, like writing and reading, and to try new things like yoga, or running. That help support me when I need it whether that be physically, driving me around, or emotionally, giving me a fresh logical perspective. Men that can truly feel and talk about their emotions, men that encourage ME to be less uptight & communicate more - could you imagine LMAO.

I have a sister who makes me feel seen for my efforts, and parents that support me physically in reaching my dreams. Most importantly, parents that are recently putting in effort to communicating effectively and healthily. That are trying to do better, trying to right their wrongs.

Crazy how the ripple effect works. I lose my job from Fred, I fall into despair, because obviously working for QE Home is not going to be fulfilling to me in the long run. I know I have way more potential than that. And this pitfall has then redirected me to applying, which then leads me to securing this new job, that pays so much higher, and with a title much more aligned with me. If it weren't for the situation with Fred, I would've never gotten here.

If it were never for the fallout with my family, I would've never been this strong. And appreciate it when they are showing support.

If it were never for the god awful friendships I experienced, I would struggle to see the merit and gravity of the beautiful friendships I have in my life.

If it were never for the toxic relationships (and my own place in being toxic), I would never be able to see the extent of my own personal growth, as well as the ability to curate healthy relationships now.

If it were not for the feelings of rejection and hopelessness at my old jobs, (or unemployment), it wouldn't have redirected me to the place where I want to be.

If it were not for all these, I would've found it difficult to do what I want to do, be the person I want to be, and trust myself and others.

So today I just wanted to express my gratitude and appreciation to everyone and the universe. The truth is, nothing has tangibly changed yet - my salary is still the same, I haven't started my job. The same people are in my lives, but yet, my perspective has changed and I think I should allow myself to be happy, and allow myself to be proud of myself.

Once I let that for myself, I can begin to support and give back to the amazing people in my life that have made me this way.

07/10/2024

[forsakenn]

My 2023 in Books :)

January

“The Catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger (5⭐️)

- I first started this book during quarantine but I found the protagonist annoying so I dropped it lol. Started it again this year and I actually enjoyed it. I still think that the protagonist is annoying but I get it now. It’s because he’s a teenage boy and I think that the writing is accurate for a teenager. There are some lines that really resonated with me and there are times when I related to Holden. The book itself didn’t hit me that hard but when I read the analyses, damn. I’m much more similar to Holden than I thought and that scared me.

“Bata, Bata… Pano Ka Ginawa?” ni Lualhati Bautista (5⭐️)

- It’s truly a progressive book and I wish more books like this were being read in school in the Philippines. As the Philippines is still very conservative, it opens your mind to see the nontraditional ways of living in the PH and will make you question societal constructs. The way that this was written through the perspective of a mother raising her two kids really solidifies the idea that almost everything is a societal construct and how a conservative society affects children raised progressively. I’ll never forget the look on my classmates’ faces when they saw the title of this, a real life example of why conservatism needs to be killed in the PH.

February

“Canal dela Reina” ni Liwayway A. Arceo (5⭐️)

- Another Filipino book! I’ve been wanting to read more Filipino literature to be more connected to my roots lol. My sister recommended me this as it was similar to Parasite (2019). This is actually the second time I read it since when I first read it I feel like I didn’t understand the whole message. This kinda hits home since the premise is something similar to what my family has experienced before. I really like the build-up of this book and how it tackles so many things like class disparity, monopolization, environmentalism, and materialism but it wasn’t overwhelming at all.

“To Kill A Mockingbird” by Harper Lee (5⭐️)

- This is also a reread. I was raised in the legal field as well so I related to Scout a bit. Reading the court scene was An Experience. It’s one of those things that I wish I could forget about to experience it again for the first time.

March

“Circles of Hell” by Dante

- I honestly just read this book because I watched a Wendigoon video and wanted to see it for myself lmao.

June

“Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom (3.5⭐️)

- I’m indifferent to this book. It just didn’t make an impact on me I don’t know. It’s alright and offers valuable lessons I guess. One line that struck me was “like all youngest children, he was pampered, adored, and inwardly tortured.”

July-August

“The Goldfinch” by Donna Tartt (4⭐️)

- This was an impulse buy. I was waiting for my friend at a bookstore and saw it and was curious about all the hype Donna Tartt’s books have online. It was alright? Crime books aren’t really for me but I can see why people like this. I really liked how Tartt wrote grief and how easy it was to empathize with the protag when his mother just died especially when he hadn’t known yet that his mother died and the audience just have to sit with that uncomfortable knowledge and read about this kid waiting for his mother that will never come back. The build-up to the climax was so long though and that’s why it also took me a long time to finish it. I got bored in some parts of it.

September-November

“1984” by George Orwell (4⭐️)

- I have been wanting to read this for a long time! The thing is that this book is so absurdly dystopian and yet I can see how it reflects our current society. It’s so scary to read this and see how current systems can lead to this dystopia, some aspects of this book are even true…

December

“Dekada ‘70” ni Lualhati Bautista (5⭐️)

- Another great book from our queen, Lualhati Bautista. This has been in my to-read list for such a long time. It’s about the PH’s martial law era during the dictatorship of Marcos Sr. This was the fastest book I read this whole year. I finished it in like less than 10 days. It just hooked me in like that. Unfortunately, since a Marcos is president again, I feel like it’s my duty as a young Filipino to educate myself on the horrors of martial law since I wasn’t there to experience it myself. This book made me empathize with my mother so much and yet I can’t tell her that. It also fueled my hate for the patriarchy lmao. This is like a retelling of the Martial Law Era combined with the ideologies of the Barbie movie since it’s told through the perspective of a mother.

Short Stories I read

“Apokalipsis” ni Alvin Yapan

- This rewired my brain like actually. Me and my friends read this at the same time. The whole thing is crazy itself but there was just that one scene that hits you and everyone else will see the Look on your face and just nod in understanding. We had to have a whole debriefing of it to process what we just read. Lunch was… eventful that day.

“No is Yes” by Paul Jennings

“The Lorenzo Project Questionnaire”

- DUDE. THIS. I read this because of a literature club halloween meeting AND OH MY GOD. It restructured how I looked at horror stories. It’s just so unique and horrifying, but it’s not like other horror stories where the monster is on your face all the time. It’s like you have to dig under implications to understand the story. I recommend this every time someone asks me about horror.

[seal-writes-stuff]

more connie pls 😩 thats my baby

Dating Connie Nikas Headcanons

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: none, I think?

Summary: all in the title

A/N: Your wish is my command! Decided to go with ol’ reliable here lmao. Also to everyone, sorry I went MIA for a bit, trying to get back on track. Hope you enjoy!

The most chill, laid-back boyfriend you've ever had. You can have a great time just hanging out together, sometimes not even talking. Connie never says it, but he’s having the time of his life during these moments – after all, what’s better than being together with the person you love?

He rarely talks about his past, if ever. Connie knows you’d never judge him for that, but he just doesn’t think it’s something worth talking about. He prefers the future (or at least the present) to the past, hands down.

Speaking of that, expect some long, elaborate talks of what’s waiting you later down the line. Connie says you’ll escape the city one day, settling in the woods and living a secure, quiet life. You aren’t sure how much of it will actually happen, but seeing the happiness in his eyes makes your heart melt, so you always indulge him. NYC or the middle of nowhere, the good company is the most important thing for you.

Connie introduces you to his brother pretty quickly. He wants to see your reaction and, well, he wants the two of his favorite people in the world to know each other. Of course, you’re nothing but respectful and understanding the whole time. That only solidifies in Connie’s head how lucky he is to be with you.

Can and will talk his way out of any situation the two of you may get in, no matter how dire it seems. You don’t even need to add anything, most of the time you just sit there in awe of his skills, because you’re pretty sure you’ve never seen anything like this before. For him, that was one of the things that has drawn him to you initially: you never fell for his charms no matter how hard he doubled down on them. He likes that you challenge him.

That being said, Connie rarely lets you in on the things he does. You can try and ask him, but the most you’ll get is something excited and vague. He assumes what you don’t know can’t hurt you; besides, he’d much rather just dive in and do something than talk about it.

Observes you. A lot. To the point it used to be unnerving at the beginning of your relationship. He doesn’t have any particular goal in mind, it’s just a habit – he wants to take in every little part of you.

He’s a dog person to the point it’s almost ridiculous. If you don’t intervene, every puppy in the neighborhood will be adopted by the end of the week – he just can’t help himself, they’re all so sweet. Connie loves dogs and dogs love him, and just seeing them interact fills you with warmth.

Goes above and beyond for you, sometimes a bit too much. For him, the end always justifies the means, no matter how shady or dangerous. How did he manage to get this amazing birthday present for you or why do you suddenly have some fancy reservation? Well, that’s his big sexy secret. He’s not telling you.

With all of his planning, this man is somehow the definition of the word “impulsive”. Anything goes, from “Hey, let’s dye our hair to matching colors” to “Hey, ever tried doing stick and poke? Do you want to?” There’s never a dull day with him, that’s for sure.

By the way, the dates are either chilling at home on the couch side by side or getting to the top of skyscraper in the middle of the night, there’s no in-between. You don’t mind either, but you always tell Connie you don’t need anything overly fancy, his presence by your side is more than enough. This doesn’t stop him from trying though.

He’s absolutely horrible when it comes to teasing, there’s no other words to describe it. He’s go-to is whispering something quick and dirty to you in a public place or kissing you just a bit too deep and passionate before pulling away with an innocent smirk. You’re angry, flustered and blushing like crazy? Hell yeah, mission accomplished.

Completely dumbfounded every time you compliment him, even if it happens every hour of every day. In Connie’s mind, everything about him is either useful or completely unremarkable, so seeing you gush about him with that lovesick smile on your face? Shocking. Unbelievable. Also please don’t stop.

Sharing clothes is a must – which means you’re stealing all of his hoodies and nothing in the world will stop you. Come on, they’re soft, comfortable and smell like him? Literally zero downsides. Besides, you might give some of them back for a good kiss…

That’s not a thing a lot of people know, but Connie really likes music – he can sit there in headphones and just vibe for hours, daydreaming. The money is tight and he wanders around too much to have a physical collection, so he mostly resorts to digital stuff. Whenever you recommend something to him, Connie always takes it to heart, listening over and over, trying to hear what you’ve heard. For him, sharing music is a love language.

Speaking of love languages, Connie definitely leans into the acts of service. He’s not overly affectionate, but he’s always there for you when it counts, and that’s all you need to be reassured. On the other hand, he earns for your touch – just scratch his scalp or hug him tight if you want to hear him purr like a cat.

To say you have a connection is an understatement. You can ramble about some random topic for fifteen minutes straight just to finish with “Y’know?” – and Connie somehow always understands what you mean. In turn, he often confides in you with his hopes, fears and random thoughts, and you’re always ready to take him in.

The type of guy who enjoys watching awful movies completely unironically. If you leave the choice up to him, expect “The Room” or some horrible B-list thing from the 80’s nobody remembers every goddamn time. You poke fun at him for this, but you don’t mind: after all, the two of you can get a laugh out even the worst of the worst.

Overall, when you’re together, Connie knows what it’s like to love and be loved. He’s happy to have someone who accepts him fully, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[peony-pearl]

WIP Ask Game

Rules: Post the titles of your current works in progress. If someone sends you an ask with one of those titles, explain the concept or post a snippet!

tagged by @outpastthemoat!! Thank you!!

This year for writing has been weird because after moving out for the first time a year ago I really got back into fanfiction for the first time in years. Besides that I was working on my original fics over on my writeblr @peonypearls-muddled-musings!!

Last year when my dbz kick happened I had started a fic, but then got stuck, and then poor Rosin’s story changed so many times. I finally got his story pretty solidified, but soon after I started to feel the burnout, and then I got a new hyperfixation, or two, and then I moved and brainwaves completely changed lmao; however, writing on Clay in the Kiln, even with it’s new version needing work, was super liberating and fun and the most I’d written in who knows how long.

I’ll go ahead and include my original wips on here; I could always use a refresher anyway XDD I also need to do something with the A03 account I just made recently FOR Clay in the Kiln lmao

Original WIPS

Princess Dagney and the Seahorse King

Across the Years and Universe

Hark

Coffee Boy

Fanfiction

Kingdom Hearts

Tip the Scales

Serendipitous Happenstance

Gargoyles

Mo Chridhe

Final Fantasy 7

In These Ashes

Dragonball Z

Divinity’s Witnesses

Avatar: The Last Airbender

Clay in the Kiln

Soot/Silk/Steel

Grief

Desperate Measures

The Hollowed Family Tree

I’m tagging @abalonetea @sleepyghoststories and @cherryfinolahobbes or if you see this and want to do it then you’re tagged!!

[xiaoyuyunism]

spoilers for the inversion (day 5)

no thoughts, head empty. ONLY LOVELY.

vincent calling out to sam sounding so helpless and desperate because he doesn't know what to do was just so heartbreaking to hear.

the moment where he was asking lovely if they wanted to be turned? he sounded so ready to accept that he'd have to live on without them if they ever said no. but the thing is, lovely seems like they never want to leave vincent. they love him just as much as he loves them.

this sounds awfully like wishful thinking, but i'm hoping that lovely would have more magic compared to a typical vampire because of how much they have stockpiled due to being latent. i need them to have both the ability to zippy zappy and chomp chomp.

oh and gavin? waxing poetic about freelancer while trying to ground himself??? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP.

jokes on milo, does he really think sweetheart is letting him go alone? gotta love these partners in (not) crime mwah.

asher and david once again solidifying my belief that they could be lovers in a different universe. *chef's kiss*

i would like to thank mr. sam collins for being the calming presence for both david and vincent.

and i would like to give lasko a big hug for facing his fear of having to talk to that much people. i can't wait for him to reunite with his family.

i sure hope damien and huxley are alright. i also hope kody isn't dead yet lmao

where is darlin' anyways?

and what about brachium and river? elliott and sunshine???

the title of tomorrow's video is even more ominous than today's holy shit.

[lumosandnoxwriting]

Trying So Hard - Harry Potter

Title: Trying So Hard Pairing: Harry x Fem!Reader Warnings: NSFW!!! Unprotected sex, fingering, tbh this is pretty vanilla lmao mentions of pregnancy/trouble conceiving! Summary: Sometimes in life instead of trying hard, it’s best to not try at all. A/N: for the anon who wanted Harry and his wife trying to get pregnant! Feedback is always welcome!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Negative,” Y/N sighs sadly as she rejoins Harry in their bedroom. She drops the used pregnancy test in the garbage can before collapsing onto their bed.

Harry frowns and moves so he’s laying next to Y/N and wraps an arm around her middle, pulling her to his chest tightly. “It’s okay, sweetheart. We knew it wouldn’t happen first try. It’ll happen when the time is right, yeah?”

“But this wasn’t the first try,” Y/N responds quietly. “Five months and five negative pregnancy tests. I thought now was the right time, but I guess not.”

Deciding when to have a baby was not an easy decision for Harry and Y/N. Both of their careers have been thriving, and they were both torn on whether they were ready to slow them down to have a family. But every time a baby so much as looked at Y/N when they were out in public her heart would melt and her chest would start to yearn for her own little bundle of joy to coo at. And whenever Harry stopped by Hogwarts to give a guest lecture or visit Hagrid he couldn’t help but wonder what it’ll feel like when he gets to send his own kids off to school. Spending the holidays with the Weasleys surrounded by Bill’s and Percy’s kids only solidified what Y/N and Harry felt in their hearts: they were ready to start their family. They decided to start trying in the new year, and now with it nearly halfway gone, they’re no closer to beginning parents then they were at the start.

Harry starts to rub Y/N’s back in slow strokes, leaning down to kiss her on the forehead. “I know it’s gotta be discouraging, sweetheart. All the negatives. But half the fun of starting a family is making the baby, isn’t it?” he jokes, hoping to make Y/N smile. The corners of her mouth twitch faintly, and Harry leans down to hiss her softly. “So, we’ll just keep trying and before you know it we’ll be swimming in baby clothes and diapers. Just you wait and see.”

“I know, I know,” Y/N sniffles as tears suddenly start to flow down her cheeks. “It’s just so discouraging, seeing that stupid negative each time. Like we’re not supposed to have a baby or something.”

“Y/N,” Harry coos, holding her tightly as she sobs. “Everything will be okay. We just gotta trust the process.” Harry starts to rub her back harder, slowly rocking them on their bed, desperately trying to make his wife feel better.

-

“You take the test?” Harry asks excitedly as he joins Y/N in bed. In their efforts to start a family Y/N has started tracking her cycle more closely and taking fertility tests to determine when it’s at its highest and giving them the best chance at conceiving. They’ve been trying for seven months now, and Harry has gotten pretty good at remembering when the different parts of her cycle occur.

“No,” Y/N says flatly, not even bothering to look up at Harry from her book.

It had only Y/N two more months of trying and two more negative pregnancy tests after her breakdown for her to get completely discouraged. Her and Harry have an unlimited amount of yearning for a baby and an equal amount of love to give a baby, but clearly the universe doesn’t think they’re ready, or deserving of one. It doesn’t help that it seems everywhere she goes is filled with pregnant women and babies. Three of her coworkers announce they’re expecting in the same week, and when Y/N stops at the market on the way home she’s stuck in the checkout line with a baby on either side of her. It’s as if the universe is laughing at her, and it’s starting to make Y/N think that having a baby just isn’t in the cards for her and Harry.

Harry’s eyebrows furrow as he slips under the covers next to Y/N. “You got your period already? It’s like what, 10 days early?”

Y/N rolls her eyes, of course Harry would know that. “No, I just don’t feel like doing anything tonight is all. No matter what those stupid fertility tests say.”

“Sweetheart,” Harry starts, reaching out to grab her hip. When Y/N scoots away from his touch he frowns. “I know it’s been hard on you, all the negative tests. But we just gotta keep trying, yeah? We’ll get there eventually and that’s what matters.”

“I’m just not in the mood tonight, Harry,” Y/N says firmly, finally looking away from her book so she can look Harry in the eyes. “It feels like we’ve been having sex nonstop since January I just want one night to myself. Is that alright with you?”

Harry’s taken aback by Y/N’s harsh tone and he retracts the hand he’d been trying to settle on her before leaning back against the pillows. “Alright, yeah. Of course, Y/N. Whatever you want.”

-

Except one-night turns to two, which turns to three. And then before Harry knows it Y/N’s period starts, and their baby making window for the month has closed with them barely even kissing, let alone trying to conceive. He gets that Y/N is disappointed that they haven’t  had the easiest time getting pregnant but shutting him out completely is certainly not the answer to their problems. It seems like every time he tries to touch her she’s shying away, barely letting his fingers ghost over her skin and as much as he misses their sexual intimacy, he misses their regular intimacy as well. Harry’s so used to just casually reaching over and grabbing Y/N’s hand while they walk together or sit and eat together, or throwing his arm over her shoulder and cuddling her close while they sit on the couch together and the feeling of her body tangled with his in their bed never fails to lull him to sleep. But now all he has to get by is a quick kiss in the morning before work and another before they go to sleep. It’s killing him on the inside, and he wish he knew how to make her feel better.

“What going on with you?” Hermione asks during lunch one day. “You’ve been awfully quiet for the past few days. Something’s gotta be on your mind.”

Harry sighs and pushes some of the food around on his plate. His and Y/N’s baby making plans have been a secret shared only between them, so that when they’d reveal the news of their pregnancy to their friends and family it’d be even more surprising. But Harry needs to talk to someone and if Y/N won’t let him in Hermione and Ron are his next best options.

“Just relationship stuff with Y/N. We’ve been going through it the past couple months,” Harry responds, looking up at his friends.

“Marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, eh?” Ron jokes, prompting Hermione to smack him on the arm. “I was only trying to make him laugh ‘mione, no need to turn this into a domestic,” Ron grumbles, rubbing the spot Hermione hit.

Hermione rolls her eyes fondly and reaches over to grab Ron’s hand, giving it a tight squeeze. “What’s going on, Harry? Did you two get into a fight or something?”

“Not exactly. We’ve been trying to a baby since the start of the year and things just aren’t working and-.”

Hermione holds her hand up to cut Harry off. “I’m sorry, what? You’ve been trying for a baby and haven’t told us? We’re your best friends, Harry.”

Harry’s cheeks flush pink. “We haven’t told anyone, Hermione. That way when we announced it everyone would be more surprised, and it’d be more special. But it’s been 7 months, and nothing has happened yet, and Y/N is getting, I dunno, depressed maybe? We didn’t try at all last month and she barely even lets me touch her anymore.”

Hermione frowns. “I’m sorry, Harry. I can’t even imagine what you and Y/N must be going through. Have you tried talking to her about it?”

“I don’t even really know what to say,” Harry admits honestly. “I feel like I’d end up saying something stupid and end up making things worse.”

“Then do something to make her feel special. Let her know that you’re thinking about her and that you’ll be there when she’s ready to talk,” Hermione explains softly. “Help take some of the pressure I’m sure she’s feeling off of her shoulders. Reconnect naturally, take things slow. Let her know there’s no rush to have a baby. That it’ll happen when it happens and that’s alright with you.”

-

“Harry, love. I’m home!” Y/N shouts as she shuts the door behind her. The living room is drenched in shakes of orange and red from the sunset streaming in through the windows, but the rest of the house is dark. She can see the faintest light coming from somewhere upstairs, so she heads towards it, throwing her bag on the couch and kicking her shoes off as she goes. “You up here, love?”

A surprised noise falls from her lips when she enters their bedroom, her eyes landing on Harry. He’s standing in the middle of the candlelit room holding a bouquet of roses, with a bright smile on his face. She steps into the room slowly, feeling tears coming to her eyes.

“Welcome home, sweetheart,” Harry greets, handing Y/N the flowers. He wraps his arms around her waist and presses a soft kiss to her cheek. “Have a good day at work?”

“Uh yeah, it was sound,” Y/N responds slowly, her mind racing to try and figure out what’s going on. Her eyes flutter closed as she takes a deep breath, smelling the sweet scent the roses are giving off. She relaxes into Harry’s embrace for what feels like the first time in weeks. “What’s all this for? Did I forget our anniversary or something?”

Harry chuckles, shaking his head. “Just wanted to do something to show you how much I appreciate you, Y/N. I know things this year haven’t worked out the way we wanted them to and that’s disappointing for both of us, but that’s okay. Having a baby is supposed to be fun and exciting and I think we’ve been putting too much pressure on it. So, to hell with the fertility tests and having sex just because we’re trying to have a baby. Let’s just, be together. And if a baby comes this year it comes. And if not, we’ll just keep trying.”

“Harry,” Y/N says softly, pressing their lips together in a passionate kiss. She can feel a few tears leaking down her cheeks, wiping a few away as their kiss breaks. “I’ve been such an awful wife and just person in general lately. I’ve been pushing you away instead of just talking to you about how I feel. I just kept thinking that it’s my fault that we haven’t gotten pregnant yet and I just feel so bad. Like I’m not good enough for you or something.”

Harry takes the bouquet of roses from Y/N and tosses them aside so he can embrace Y/N properly. “Sweetheart you should never feel like that. It’s not your fault, it’s just life. The universe will give us a baby when it’s our time.” Harry kisses her again, cupping her face gently. “Now you can go soak in the bath I just drew while I order us some dinner.”

Y/N bites her lip and brings her hands up to Harry’s neck, dangling her hands in the hair on the back of his head. “Or we could make up for lost time,” she whispers, bringing their mouths together in a hot kiss. Y/N feels Harry’s grip tighten on her waist as he deepens their kiss, and she starts to move them back towards the bed.

“Only if you’re sure, sweetheart,” Harry breathes as he lands on the bed. He watches with wide eyes as Y/N pulls her shirt off over her head, his eyes raking over every inch of skin that’s revealed. He pulls his own shirt off and grabs Y/N’s hips as she settles on his lap.

“Very sure,” she purrs, leaning down to press kisses against Harry’s neck. “I’ve been lonely without you, Harry and it feels like the right time.” Y/N reattaches their lips, grinding her hips down against Harry’s as she slowly lays him back on the bed.

Harry lets out a gasp against Y/N’s mouth as she grinds down against him, his cock twitching in his trousers. He guides her hips down against him, letting his lips trail down across Y/N’s jaw to her neck. “God I’ve missed you,” he groans, nipping at the sensitive skin on her throat.

Y/N moans as Harry sucks on her neck and reaches behind herself to unhook her bra. Once the piece of fabric is off of her arms she tosses it aside and rolls onto her back, so Harry is now hovering over her. “Yeah? Missed having me wrapped around you?” she asks through a moan as Harry nips at her collarbone.

Harry kisses further down Y/N’s chest, stopping to flick at her nipples with his tongue. “You have no idea, sweetheart. I love being close with you, I’ve missed the feeling of your body against mine.”

“Harry,” Y/N moans as he takes one of her nipples in his mouth, her nails scratching down his back. She pushes her hips up against his, desperately searching for friction on her aching pussy. Y/N hasn’t felt the best about herself over the past few weeks, but having Harry make an effort to make her feel special has put her on top of the world, and she’s aching with need.

Harry chuckles and leans up, pressing a brief kiss to Y/N’s mouth. He smirks as her hands immediately land on the waist band of his jeans and her fingers start to work at the button and zipper. “Someone’s eager,” he teases lightly, pinching and rolling one of Y/N’s nipples between his fingers. Her back arches and a breathy moan falls from her lips, causing him to apply more pressure.

Y/N whines as Harry takes her nipple back into his mouth, her fingers shaking as she shoves his jeans and boxers down to the tops of his thighs. Her hand immediately wraps around his cock, starting to stroke him lightly. “Please, Harry. More.”

Harry groans as her hand twists around his cock, his hips moving up into her strokes. It’s only been a few weeks since they were last intimate, but the feeling of Y/N’s hand gripping him tightly is pure euphoria. It makes him feel like a teenager again, when everything was new and exciting. The past several months sex between them has felt robotic, still extremely pleasurable, but it was as if it was a necessity, not something they were doing because they both yearned for the touch of their spouse. But this, tonight, feels passionate and raw like how they used to be and while Harry would love to draw this out, he feels just as desperate as Y/N does and he can’t help but give  into her demands.

“Anything for you, sweetheart.” Harry kisses Y/N again before reluctantly pulling away and getting off the bed to rid her of the rest of her clothes. He takes her skirt and panties off in one go, letting his eyes trail up her bare legs to her dripping core as he settles back on the bed between her splayed thighs. He lets his fingers ghost up her soft legs heading to wear she needs him most. Harry just barely brushes her clit with his thumb, his index finger softly circling her entrance. “So wet, sweetheart. Just gonna warm you up a bit before I give you what you want.”

Y/N lets out a low moan as Harry sinks his index finger into her pussy, her walls immediately clenching and flexing around the digit. “So good,” she pants, her hips starting to work down against his hand. “Always make me feel so good, Harry.”

Harry flushes under Y/N’s praise, and he leans up to kiss her slowly as he brings another finger in to join the first. He curls them both, and when Y/N moans he takes the opportunity to lick into her mouth. He speeds up the movements of his fingers, scissoring them inside of her to make sure Y/N is ready to take him. He applies more pressure to her clit and kisses her one last time before pulling away. “Ready for me, sweetheart?”

Y/N swallows thickly as she nods, her chest heaving with deep breaths. She can’t remember the last time she was this turned on from a bit of teasing, and her pussy is aching to be full of Harry. “Always ready for you, love.”

Harry hitches on of Y/N’s legs on his hip and grabs the base of his cock, slowly guiding himself to her entrance. He braces himself over her on one hand, rolling his hips forward slowly until he’s fully sheathed inside of Y/N. They both groan as their hips touch and Harry leans down to kiss Y/N sweetly.

“Move please,” Y/N begs as Harry breaks their kiss, her hips slowly grinding down against him. She lets out a whine as Harry starts to finally move, his hips moving at a moderate pace as they slam back into her hard. “God you feel incredible, Harry. Missed your cock so much.”

Harry brings one of his hands to Y/N’s core, starting to rub her clit in hard circles. Her thighs are trembling around him and Harry starts to fuck back into Y/N quicker. “Feel so good, sweetheart. Always so tight for me, gripping me so well.” He can feel her walls pulsating around him and Harry hitches the leg on his hip over her shoulder so he can fuck even deeper into Y/N. “Fuck,” he moans at the new angle, his hips stuttering. “Feel like heaven, Y/N.”

“Getting so close Harry, fuck,” Y/N moans as her toes curl from the pleasure radiating around her body. The tip of Harry’s cock is massaging her g-spot with every thrust and with the lack of sexual activity between them the past few weeks she can already feel her orgasm edging closer and closer. “Harder,” she begs, reaching up to dig her nails into his shoulders.

Harry complies, slamming his hips into Y/N’s with more power. “Come on, sweetheart. Want you to cum on my cock. Wanna make you feel good.”

“Oh god Harry, fuck,” Y/N moans as she cums, her eyes rolling to the back of her head and her back arching as pleasure rolls through her body. She can feel her thighs trembling and she clenches around Harry tighter, wanting to bring him to his orgasm as well.

“That’s it sweetheart, gonna cum, fuck,” Harry groans, his grip on Y/N’s hip tightening as he reaches his climax. His hips roll slowly as his cock twitches inside of her, shooting his release deep into Y/N. He doesn’t stop moving until he’s emptied himself completely and he slowly pulls out before collapsing against Y/N on the bed.

“I love you so much,” Y/N murmurs as she cuddles into Harry’s side, pressing a kiss into his sweaty skin.

Harry hums and leans down to press a kiss to the top of her head. “I love you too, Y/N.” Harry kisses her again, before lifting her chin up to look Y/N in the eyes. “How about that bath?” he asks with a cheeky grin.

-

“Oh my god,” Y/N gasps, her hand shaking as she looks at the pregnancy test in her hand. The positive pregnancy test in her hand.

She’s not even sure what possessed her to take the test. Her period isn’t even late yet and she’s felt no symptoms, but when she left Harry on the couch watching a film to use the bathroom, she had this overwhelming urge to take a pregnancy test. They had bought them in bulk when they first started trying, and there were still a few stashed under the sink in their bathroom, waiting for when the moment was right. Y/N hadn’t even thought this could be the moment, but now that it is she can feel happy tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Took you long enough,” Harry comments absentmindedly when he hears Y/N’s footsteps approach. “Missed half the bloody movie you were gone so long.” When Y/N doesn’t join in with his laughter Harry turns around, worry immediately taking over him when he notices the tears on her face. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

Y/N joins Harry on the couch excitedly, shoving the pregnancy test into his face. “I’m pregnant. We’re pregnant. We’re gonna have a baby!”

Harry’s jaw drop as he looks at the test in his hands, reading the word pregnant over and over again. He looks up at Y/N then and he lurches forward kissing her hard. “I love you so fucking much,” he whispers, pulling Y/N into a tight hug.

“I love you too,” Y/N responds, placing her hands on her stomach between them. “You and our baby.”

[yuzukult]

drive safe (m) || bbh x reader

title: drive safe pairing: baekhyun x reader genre: brothersbestfriend!au, chanyeol!olderbrother, romance warnings: slight rated 18+ scene, but it’s short and poorly written  words: 12.4k prompt: simply put, you’ve been crushing on your brother’s best friend for the longest time but he hasn’t seen you in a while... and you’ve grown.  notes: needed something different to write :) please enjoy... i did another brother’s best friend au bc i just love baekhyun in that kind of au lmao... I FINALLY UPLOADED!!!

He was heavily intoxicating. From the whiff of the cologne he wears to the way his lips look, so tempting and plump, all the way to the sweet melodic laugh that escapes from his throat, hand on his toned chest to contain himself.

This man was beautiful—correction— is beautiful, and has always been since you’ve laid your eyes on him.

You recall those days staying in the living room until the late hours of the night; coffee table filled with loose papers and opened textbooks to cram in for your exams, room lacking a desk for you to work on. Your brother would trail into your home once the street lights turn on, friends joining him occasionally, none capturing your attention until you met him one night.

Mocha eyes that sparkled under the dim lights at the front steps, caramel hair that looked so unbelievably soft, that you had to restrain yourself down from asking him to just let you run your fingers through those locks. Jawline chiseled, cheekbones high, and ears flushing coral when he gets embarrassed—he was just breathtakingly beautiful. And when he leans over to see what you’re currently engrossed in, supple cheeks raising as high as the sky from his smile, teeth pearly white and exposed, his gentle voice hypnotizes you to the point that you almost miss when he says his name.

“I’m Byun Baekhyun.” How the hell is he so pretty? “You must be Chanyeol’s little sister.”

Your Cloud 9 experience disappears at the sound of your brother’s name. It’s like he loves to burst the bubble of any type of happiness your way. He never fails to ruin things for you.

Then again, that was back when you were 16 and he was 22. He was in college, finishing up the remaining time he had left while you were just a mere high school student—not to mention that you were also his best friend’s little sister. This time, you’re 22 and he’s the 28 year old, finished college with a career outlined for him and you’re the one trying to finish up the last year.

So when Baekhyun stands at the threshold of your parent’s house behind Chanyeol, mouth agape at the mere sight of you, he’s in complete shock at how much you’ve grown and changed in the past years. To say the least, he hasn’t seen much of you around since you turned 18... and well, he was regretting missing the glow up.

“Why are you looking at my sister like that?” Chanyeol hisses, pushing his friend’s chest back with a finger. “You act like you’ve never seen her before.” Baekhyun can only shake his head from his thoughts, clearing his throat. “I haven’t seen her since she left for college.”

A hum from you fills the air, grasping the attention of the two males. “I’ve been back every holiday, not my fault you haven’t been around.”

Turning on your heel, you make your way past them, slipping into a pair of random sandals at the front door before greeting the rest of your family members that begin to trickle in for the annual family dinner. Every year is dreadful, but this year got interesting just from Baekhyun’s attendance.

He was every high school girl’s wet dream.

And at the same time, dream boyfriend.

He’s cute yet he’s got this aura around him that just makes him so... sexy. You recall having high school friends over during those younger years and when Baekhyun and Chanyeol would walk through the front doors, your friends would drool at the sight of the boys. You couldn’t really agree on the Chanyeol portion of that (obviously), but your saliva would run rivers length long at the appearance of Baekhyun.

What was even worse was that both your brother and dad were horrible at teaching you how to drive. This was after you’ve concluded that you had a crush on Baekhyun, and Chanyeol suggests to your parents to hire Baekhyun to teach you how to drive a car.

“Dad, you and I both know that we’re way too short-tempered to teach her. Why not hire Baek?”

“I don’t see why not.” He nods in agreement, glancing over at your mom for approval, but she’s already so giddy over the moon from the sound of his name. “Of course! My second son teaching my daughter? Why would I have any issues with that? I’ll pay him, don’t worry.”

You want to die. “Why can’t you teach me, mom? We don’t really want to bother Baek and pressure him to teach me, right?”

“Actually,” Chanyeol grins; you swear every time he does it’s mischievous with a sinful plan hidden underneath. “Baekhyun is rather quite the angel and offered himself when I brought this situation to him. He doesn’t even want to get paid for it, I just offered.” Are you kidding me? Of course. Chanyeol wants you dead.

You think you actually die when you’re sitting in Baekhyun’s car in the middle of an abandoned supermarket’s parking lot. The two of you. No sign of Chanyeol anywhere, and it’s the first time you wished that your brother were there.

“Yeol isn’t coming?”

“No,” Baekhyun frowns, pulling the seatbelt over his body and locking it in; you mimic his actions to save yourself from getting lectured by the boy of your dreams. “He said he was either going to die from your driving or high blood pressure.” You exhale a heavy breath. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Afraid of being alone with me or something, little Park?”

“Uh, no.” You lie. “Can I start?”

“Sure, show me what you know.” Pressing a foot on the brakes, you push the key into the ignition and the car roars at the start. “Are you sure you trust me driving in your car? Isn’t this girl your baby?” There’s an afterthought of Baekhyun getting this car; almost begging Chanyeol everyday to go by the second-hand car dealership to admire this beauty—well that is if you consider a 2002 Lexus SC430 with the once jet black paint chipping off a beauty, then you’d be able to relate.

He nods, licking his chapped lips from the breeze that enters in before letting out a soft sigh. “She is, so... be careful, little Park, and drive safe. I trust you to drive her. I don’t even allow Yeol to let alone touch her, so consider yourself special.” Special. Can he not say such things while you’re already anxious about being in his presence, let alone his car!

Baekhyun teaches you to drive. Another great quality he has to add to the list from that occurrence: patience. He’s the one who opened the doors exiting out of your childhood in two ways: learning how to drive and learning what it feels like to like someone. It’s the first time you’re alone with him and you’ll never forget it. It only solidified your feelings for him.

And so when you’re ready to pick up your friends for the night that you first get your license, borrowing your brother’s car, your heart swells and bursts out of your chest when he approaches your window before you pull out of the driveway. Resting his arm on the door, joy tugs on the edges of his lips. “Drive safe, will you, little Park? I know I taught you well, but I still want you home safe and sound.”

Baekhyun might be the actual cause of your death.

“So, I heard you’re in for engineering? You’re finishing up your last year, aren’t you?” 

You hum against the glass that’s pressed onto your lips, drinking in the cold water to cool yourself from the sweltering heat. Summer was supposed to be over now, but since you’re in the off-season, the weather was currently in its moods, switching on and off like a middle aged woman dealing with menopause.

Popping your lips after releasing the cup, you nod. “Finally going to grab my degree and get to do what I actually want to be doing.” You want to be out of this conversation with this... woman; you’re not even sure who she was and what relation she had to your family. A cousin, maybe? An aunt? What do you even refer to her as?

“Wow, amazing!” She exclaims as she clasps her hands together abruptly that it startles you. “My son would be a perfect match for you, he’s handsome, young...” Her voice starts to drift off at the same time that your eyes do, skimming to find your brother’s right hand man, and with your luck, his gaze is locked on yours.

He’s been watching you the entire time. 

Baekhyun’s got a red solo cup in a hand, body leaning against the white plastic fence that perimeters your deck, hair pushed back to reveal his effortlessly beautiful forehead, and just the view of the first couple buttons of his shirt let loose, you felt your knees buckle. He bites his bottom lip in light of gaining your attention— one he’s been trying to snatch the entire afternoon. He’s standing besides Chanyeol, as expected since he is his guest, but they hang almost joined at the hip and just the thought of it makes you want to roll your eyes. But when his stare locks into yours and he mouths, “come over,” you’re immediately complying with his demands.

“I’m sorry,” You interrupt the strange woman, turning to face her. “Aren’t we related? Are you trying to set me up with your son... who potentially is my cousin?” 

“Oh no! I’m just a family friend; your aunt invited me over!” With that, it only results in you clicking your tongue in disappointment, bowing to the woman apologetically. This was a waste of time. “I’m sorry, I’m not interested in being set up. Now, if you would excuse me...”

She’s probably shocked, from what you can tell on the little smirk and chuckle coming from Baekhyun as you make your way toward him, arm reaching out for a side hug. “My little Park, all grown up, aren’t you?”

“Well, I’m not sixteen anymore, so possibly.” You joke.

Talking to Baekhyun felt effortless. Almost as though he wasn’t that same guy you knew when you were growing up. The crush that had looked so out of reach, too cool and attractive for you indeed seemed like he was on the same level. Bantering came easy and there were more things in common between the two of you than you previously assumed. As if this entire time… you were surrounding him with an image of what you thought he was but it wasn’t solely who he had been.

“Ah, so you agree. You think you’re handsome.”

“Are you trying to quote a ‘Mean Girls’ line on me?” He asks, eyes squinting in your direction coltishly. Raising both your hands up in feigned defeat, you tug your lips into a straight line. “Oh, you caught me, copyright police. But I believe I merely paraphrased the movie.” He lifts his brows at you skeptically, arms crossed against his chest. “Paraphrased?”

“I’m sure that the line goes like ‘so you agree, you think you’re really pretty.’“

“Maybe not me, but I think you’re pretty.” Baekhyun grins cheekily. It’s not exactly a smooth line, you admit, but anything coming from Baekhyun inflates your heart, reminiscing the old high school feelings that stirred. “Mm, cute. But not exactly slick, Baek. Slimy, possibly.”

He seethes in disagreement. “Oh, little Park, I’ll have you know that I am not slimy; I am very much a gentleman.”

“Some gentlemen have a slimy side of them.” You clarify with a tilt of your head.

“I can assure you that I am not slimy but rather smooth and creamy.”

You grimace. “I’m not sure this conversation is going into the right direction.” Pausing for a moment, you cluster the fortitude to belatedly ask: “So, why haven’t you been around for the holidays like you used to? My mom missed having you around during the holidays.”

Baekhyun purses his lips, taking in a deep breath before speaking up. “Honestly, I’ve always had a girlfriend during the holidays. Otherwise I would’ve been over. Unfortunately, those four years that I haven’t been at your house meant four different girlfriend’s family homes that I’ve been to instead of yours.” Of course, Baekhyun couldn’t be without a girl on his arm. Just look at him!

“Mmm,” You buzz in a judging tone that sharpens his focus on you. “Disappointing. Anyways,” Jumping on the tips of your toes, you lean over to peek into his cup. “Whatcha got in there, Baek?”

“Wanna smell?” He brings the cup closer to your face, underneath your nose as your face twists at the strong scent of alcohol. “What the hell is that?”

He lets out a laugh at your expression. “Its just beer—“

“—that is definitely not just beer. What did you put in that?” Baekhyun brings the drink neighboring your nostrils again. “It’s IPA, sometimes they have weird smells to it. Sometimes it even smells like weed.”

You take a second glance at him, hesitant about trying this peculiar drink. You’ve had beer before— hell, you’d had tons of types of alcohol before, but you can safely say that IPA beer isn’t one of them. The liquid hits your tongue, barely any if you’re being completely honest, and you pull away. “Eugh,”

“Eugh?” Baekhyun imitates your reaction. “You don’t like?”

“Not exactly.” You frown, stepping back from the drink in his hand. “How do you even drink that? It’s such an acquired taste to enjoy it.”

“I guess I had a lot of different kinds of alcohol while I was in University, but IPA wasn’t one of them so I gave it a shot. Kinda like them now, not what we’re usually used to.”

“You make yourself sound like you’re old.” And with that, he taps your nose with the tip of his index finger. “And I am old. In comparison to you, little Park.” 

That’s when it hits. Baekhyun can be sweet, kind, flirtatious, but one thing he can’t be is someone who could ever reciprocate feelings for you. Even if you’ve grown out of those braces, awkward puberty stages, and now an adult woman who is somewhat confident in your body— Byun Baekhyun will always see you as one thing only— Little Park, Park Chanyeol’s kid sister.

“Right,” You respond quickly, distancing yourself from him a bit and Baekhyun feels the atmosphere shift. “I think my dad needs me to help him handle the grill.”

“Chanyeol’s over there.” Baekhyun retorts back as abruptly. “Are you okay? Is it something I said?” 

“No.” You reply, prepared to turn away and say your goodbyes to the older male, but his hand grasps onto your wrist, causing you to wrinkle your brows in confusion. “Baek?”

“Talk to me. What did I say? I like talking to you and it’d be nice to keep this conversation going.” You tilt your head in perplexity. “Okay. That’s great and all but I’ve had a raging crush on you since I was like sixteen. I’m kind of over this whole thing and I’m ready to keep you as my brother’s best friend that I had a crush on when I was entering the early stages of puberty—”

“Wait, you liked me?”

A look of incredulity spreads on your face. “You didn’t know?” He shakes his head slowly, gaze trailing to the concrete ground as if he’s trying to replay the history of your relationship, attempting to find the hints smeared throughout the years. “Well, I did, and if I’m being honest, you’re great and everything, but I don’t think I can muster enough courage to build a friendship with you if I still have these somewhat lingering feelings.”

Seconds before you’re escaping his hold, his grip tightens. “I didn’t know.” He reiterates your words, eyes finally meeting yours. “Why didn’t you tell me? And why are you telling me this now? And at your family reunion at that?”

“I... don’t know.” You shrug, body language signaling that you’d stay and his hand on your loosens. “I guess I’m tired of being called little Park and seen as Yeol’s baby sister when I’ve been pining over this unrequited love.”

“You can’t even say that when I didn’t even know you liked me.”

“Oh, come on, Baek,” Groaning, your shoulders dropping in exhaustion from this entire conversation. “You’re the epitome of every girl’s first crush. Not to mention that you get along with my family. Pretty much the easiest formation of a perfect guy for a girl who was just finally realizing how cute guys were.”

Baekhyun scrunches up his nose, placing his drink down on the table beside him. “You never made it obvious.”

“Oh please, I was very obvious. Even Chanyeol probably knew about it.”

“Don’t say that, I really didn’t know! I’m sure your brother doesn’t either.” Eventually, you’re able to step far back enough that he can’t hold you back anymore. “It’s fine, Baek, I totally get it. Enjoy your night here? I’m going to socialize a bit more—I mean help my dad with the grill. Whichever one first, uh, you get the gist.”

“Oh, wow, your son is... actually pretty good looking.” You’re back in this discussion with the same strange woman before, but this time with your blood-related aunt who was the one to convince the lady to talk to you in the first place. She’s skimming through pictures she has saved of him, yet again trying to persuade into talking to her lovely son. He’s cute, you admit. He’s a year younger but that wasn’t going to turn you away. His mom, however, is coming off a bit too strong and your aunt was trying her best to pull her back.

“See? I told you! I invited him to come join us tonight, maybe you’d catch him here!” The woman claps her hands together excitedly, over the moon that you’d agreed to her perspective. “Speaking of my lovely boy, there he is!” 

And right when you face the direction she points, you see him—sun-kissed skin with his hair gelled back, tall as a skyscraper with the longest legs ever—this guy was built like a God. His eyes skim the room, but before they can meet with his mother’s, he spots someone approaching him and a smile tugs on the edges of his lips.

“Baekhyun, I didn’t know you knew this family?” 

Of course he knows Baek.

They’re exchanging a handshake, and you’re flaring your nostrils because how small is this world? Regardless, you’re not going to let Baekhyun ruin your day. No way.

“Park Chanyeol’s my friend,” He responds, placing a hand in his pocket. “And you’re here for?”

“My mom is here, she asked me to come. Son duties, you know the drill.” The younger male shakes at his own statement before giving Baekhyun a pat on the shoulder. “I’ll catch up with you later. She wants me to meet some girl she thought was cute, so we’ll see how that goes. See you in a bit?”

Baekhyun nods in confirmation, letting him go and as he watches his figure make his way through the crowd, that’s when he notices something. You’re standing next to a middle-aged woman—and is... is Lucas walking toward you?

“Hey mom,” The towering man smiles, giving his mom a hug. “I’m here as you asked. I’m assuming this lovely lady...” The lady introduces you to her son, and he extends his hand. “I’m Lucas.”

Baekhyun is pissed. If you saw his expression right now, the smoke coming out his ears would’ve been conspicuous.

Lucas isn’t... the smartest guy you’ve ever met but at least he’s sweet and kind?

Momma’s boy, a big one at that and you find it charming that he’s so loving and caring towards his mother. A great son... however, as a boyfriend, you can already guess what the bigger fights were going to be about.

“So my mom tells me that you’re almost done school, how’s that going for you?” The two of you have migrated over to one of the picnic tables in the backyard, old and wooden yet still surprisingly structurally strong enough to hold the weight of multiple people... and thankfully without his mom. Least she knows when to leave you alone.

“Going good, I can’t wait to get it over with and start working. School is dreadful.”

“Oh, yeah, I know that much. That’s why I didn’t go to college.” No college, not a bad thing, you think to yourself. After all, it’s what you make out of it, right? “Instead, I chose the modeling path.” What. Well, it made sense. Lucas is the equivalent to a God in looks, and you were starting to wish you were exaggerating. Probably another red flag if you guys started dating—he’s too pretty for his own good and girls would probably be crawling at his feet and your level of jealousy can’t handle that.

“Modeling? That’s impressive! How’s it going for you?”

“Slow this season. But it’ll pick up eventually. I’m only twenty-one anyways. College was never for me so I figured anything else would be better. My mom always told me that I was handsome, so why not put what I already have to use, you know?” Other than the fact you wanted to correct him and tell him that twenty-one is actually peak age for modeling, you wanted to laugh a bit because he was convinced to chase after this specific goal solely from the compliments of his mother, his biggest fan who happens to be blinded by love. Either way, Lucas was lucky he was cute enough to be a model or this conversation would’ve been embarrassing.

“If you like it, go for it. I don’t see a problem with it.” A gust of wind blows in your direction and it makes you shiver.

He smiles. “I like that. Not a lot of people agree with the whole modeling thing. Even my ‘mentor’ kind of blows off the idea and pressures me to go to college to find a ‘real’ career.”

“Mentor, huh? Has he considered giving you trade school as an option?”

“And get my hands dirty? No way. These hands were made for modeling, not being someone’s plumber and playing with pipes.” An image forms in your head— Lucas... as a plumber? Oh... that’s... kind of hot. His voice interrupts your thoughts in the end, and you want to frown until you see someone approaching. “Speaking of my mentor... have you met Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun is standing at the end of the table; although he seems nice toward Lucas, you can feel the cold air coming from him. “We’ve met.” He says, words short and sharp. “Known her since she was a high school student.”

“Oh, nice, were you also her mentor, hyung?”

“What?” Baekhyun responds, the space on his forehead crinkles. “No I wasn’t her mentor, I’m a friend of her brother’s,” slightly annoyed by Lucas’ question. You can’t seem to place a finger on why he would be so... discomposed. “Have you applied to those colleges I sent to you, by the way?”

“Hyung, I told you that college wasn’t for me. I don’t get why you’re pushing me so hard.”

“Lucas, you’re not going to be young forever. What are you going to do when you’re 40? Be in those Viagra commercials? Advertisements where the elderly have ‘fallen and can’t get up’? Be realistic here.”

It’s Lucas’ turn to be upset, and rightfully so. “Hyung, you’re embarrassing me in front of my new friend. Who— by the way, is very supportive of my endeavors.” Baekhyun scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief and disapproval. “Supportive? Actually, give us a moment, Luc, I have to speak with her privately.” Grabbing onto your wrist, he tugs you from your seat, and you whimper at the aggressiveness. 

“What the hell! Baek, let go, your grip is tight.” 

Taking you inside the house, he walks through the hallways while dragging you when he sees the familiar door that leads to your bedroom, shoving it open before shutting it after the two of you are inside. He lets go of his grip. “Explain.”

You sneer at his demand. “Explain what? I didn’t do anything. You should be explaining because you dragged me here.”

“Just thirty minutes before, you profess your feelings for me and then you’re talking to some guy? What the hell is that?” You jaw tightens but you want to retain your emotions since his were spilling. There was never a good outcome if two people that were butting heads are acting upon only feelings.

So you walk over to your closet, sliding the doors open in search of a sweater but this only makes him infuriated. “Answer me— why are you looking through your closet while we’re having a conversation?” Snatching a hoodie off the hanger, you pull it over your head. “I’m cold. And you’re the one who is having a conversation. Well, not really a conversation, more like you’re lecturing me.”

“I am not lecturing you. I’m trying to read you and you’re not making it any easier for me.”

“What are you reading me for?” With the hood over your head with the end of your dress peeking out of the oversized fabric, he thinks you’re cute like this and he can’t help himself. Lunging toward you, his hands cup your cheeks and before you know it, his lips are pressed yours.

Baekhyun is kissing you.

Byun Baekhyun, your brother’s right hand man, your parents favorite non-blood related child, is kissing you. He has to force himself to pull away; he never thought that your lips would be so soft, and how right it felt in that moment.

Your fingers reach up to touch your lips and you’re left speechless for a moment before the words erupts from your mouth. “Did you just kiss me?” He’s just as dumbfounded as you are because all he does is nod in return. “Why’d you do that?”

“Look, I don’t know if I have the same exact feelings for you like you do for me but seeing you with Lucas in that way... pissed me off. I didn’t like it.” Baekhyun looks troubled because he’s letting his hands run through his chocolate locks that were styled previously. “But I think I like you. I never really thought anything of it until you said something... but maybe we can give this a try?”

You squint your eyes at him. “Baekhyun, this isn’t something you just ‘try.’ I don’t want to be lead on. You can’t just say that you ‘think’ you like me and walk in like you own me or something.”

“At least give me a chance to make this work. Obviously something happened back there because I was ticked off enough to embarrass my mentee in front of you.” He sighs, dropping his body onto your made childhood bed. “Poor kid.”

“Eh, he’ll be fine. He needs something anyway. I heard he lives in his mother’s basement, which is fine I guess, but despite not going to college, he has debt?” Baekhyun glares at you from underneath his long luscious lashes, but it’s light and he’s not upset anymore. “Don’t make fun of my mentee, I’m supposed to guide him!”

“Do better.” You retort before plopping your body beside him on your bed, laying down flat on the covers. “I’ll give you a chance. But we can’t tell Chanyeol. If it doesn’t work out, then it’s a secret and he doesn’t have to worry. If it leads to more... let’s just wait ‘til that time comes and we can figure something out.” 

You can’t see him from where you are, but the sound of his voice is a dead giveaway that he’s smiling at your words. “I like the sound of that.”

“Aw, look at that, my best friend and my kid sister. Where were you guys?” Chanyeol looks a bit tipsy with his hooded eyes and crooked smile, but he’s only spilling elation when he slips in his socks and into the arms of Baekhyun when the two of you exit your room. 

“Uh, I wanted to move my desk and Baek offered to help.” Yeah. That’s a good excuse. 

“Mm, could’ve always asked me. But of course, Baekhyun here is an angel and loves to help out my family. Wouldn’t it be amazing if he was our brother?” The expression on your face cringes in disgust, the thought of Baekhyun being your brother and it’s like he reads your mind when he catches Chanyeol stumbling in his arms, pulling the taller male up. “You don’t want me as your brother, Yeol, that’s weird. Maybe I’ll date my way into your family,” He jokes, and you mouth ‘too soon!’ in his direction as he gives an unapologetic shrug shared with a smile.

“Who... her?” Chanyeol points to you with his chin, brows crinkles but releases with a laugh. “No way, man. She’s not even your type.”

“She can be my type.” The expression on Baekhyun’s face was pained, attempting to hold him up. “Little Park is pretty.”

“Mm, but she’s the serious type and you’ve had probably ten ‘serious’ girlfriends in the past four years!” He exclaims as you’re guiding the two of them toward Chanyeol’s bedroom, swinging open the door. “Little Park hasn’t even brought a boyfriend home.... heh, mom thinks she can’t get a boyfriend.”

You hiss. “That’s not true.” Chanyeol sticks his tongue out at you and you get a hit of vodka coming from his breath. “I think it’s true.” He sings, dropping his large frame onto the bed, eyes heavy. “Little Park needs a real boyfriend, Baek, not a fling!” Minutes later of Baekhyun trading Chanyeol’s jeans out with sweatpants, the two of you slowly close his door and heave out a weight breath.

“That was exhausting. He does this every year; it’s like my family is purposefully trying to get him to drunk to make me suffer.”

“Sorry,” Baekhyun mutters, hands slipping into the pockets of his jeans. “I should’ve been there to help you.” You wave him off, shaking your head in disagreement. “He’s my brother, it’s my responsibility.” Just when you’re about to walk away, he tugs on the hem of your shirt before you turn with a raised brow.

“You’re not... upset about what he said, are you?”

“About what?”

“About me. Having flings, never really having a serious girlfriend. About you, never bringing anyone home.”

You shrug. “I never wanted to bring anyone home in the first place. Doesn’t really matter to me.” Baekhyun chews on his bottom lip anxiously, fiddling with the fabric between his fingers. “I hope I can be that for you eventually.”

“Be what?”

“The one you want to bring home.”

Naeun is your best friend, biggest supporter, and also the most brutally honest person you’ve ever met. It’s in her DNA to be this way and although sometimes her candidness can hurt, you know she means well. So when you tell her about your Baekhyun escapades, her jaw is dropped down to the floor in awe.

“You’re kidding.”

“I am nothing but forthright.”

She smiles, tilting her head back in skepticism. “... No, you’re definitely playing me. There is no way he said that he likes you. There’s no way.” You pout. “Is it that hard to believe that a guy like him finds me attractive? Jesus, Naeun, hurt my feelings why don’t ya.”

“Girl, I’m just saying. He’s too hot and too much of a fuck boy... so him wanting to risk his relationship with his best friend to go after her sister... unless...” Her thoughts trail off for a moment before she comes back. “... Nah, never mind. There’s just no way. There’s a catch to this, I’m going to find it.”

“There’s absolutely no catch.”

“I’m just saying baby girl, watch out.” She’s leaning back on a wooden chair in your room that you had borrowed from the dining room set, swaying on the two legs dangerously. “Girls get their hearts broken because of him. And it’s because he’s such a nice boy about it that it makes them feel bad. Isn’t that crazy? What power he holds.”

“You’re giving him way too much power just from this conversation we’re having. Naeun, if you believe that he has that much hanging over all of us, then you’re enabling him to do so!”

“So you agree... you think he’s a playboy with a lot of power.”

“Naeun!” You holler, rolling your eyes at your friend. “He’s nothing but a guy that I like. We keep talking about him as if he’s this being that’s better than all of us when in actuality, he’s just a really nice guy.”

Naeun scoffs. “Who is really fucking hot, by the way. Don’t forget that.” She stands up and makes her way toward your closet, slinging the doors wide open. “Which means you should probably update your wardrobe too. You think a guy like Baek wants to date someone in hoodies and sweatpants all the time?” You purse your lips at your friend. “Don’t make me feel insecure about this, he already told me he likes me.”

“Okay, but what about the competition? Aren’t there girls lining up for him?” There’s silence for a moment, indicating that you’re almost lured into her trap before she sings your name. “Come on, wouldn’t you want to try looking cute for him?”

“I try!”

“Did you meet him today?” She asks. “Yes?” You respond questioningly. Why?”

“And you were wearing that?” Naeun gestures your attire. As mentioned before, just like your entire closet, you’re dressed in black hoodie and sweatpants. At least they matched, right? She grabs your hand and pulls you up. “You said you guys were going to meet tonight again, so let’s get you ready for that!”

If meeting Baekhyun required getting ready 3 hours in advance, you don’t know if you can date him anymore.

As planned, Baekhyun is parked at the end of the block waiting for you, shooting a text in your direction to let you know that he’s here. Slipping your phone into your bag, you heave out a heavy sigh of how tight this skirt that Naeun forced you into. “I thought I looked fine earlier,” you grumble to yourself before adjusting your blouse and snatching a jacket from the coat rack.

Attempting to sneak out of your house without gaining Chanyeol’s attention was hard. He couldn’t help being nosey. It was in his nature.

“Whoa, looking smokin’ hot for who?” Chanyeol exclaims with his arms crossed in front of your bedroom door. You groan loudly. “Can you please just leave and get out of my way? I’m trying to go out.”

Chanyeol looks astonished. “And with who? I’ve never seen you dressed like this before.” You push a strand of hair that gets caught in your makeup. “Honestly, I don’t know either. Naeun made me look like this.”

“You’re probably going to scare the guy away before you even get him.” You frown. “Let me figure that out tonight. So if you would excuse me—“ Aggressively shoving your brother aside with your hidden Hulk strength, he slams into the wall and winces as you made a run for it.

You want to cry. You felt ridiculous, and Chanyeol’s comment only made it worse. Walking up to Baekhyun’s car, you see him leaned against the hood of his car, skimming through something on his phone. He looks amazing in dark slacks and jet-black sweater tucked in them. He lifts his head to see you, jaw dropping in shock. Your legs were out for the world to see, shirt low enough for a glimpse of your cleavage and he can only gulp and clear his throat before stuttering on his words. “Whoa—I—“

You respond with a moan. “Do I look ridiculous? Naeun came over earlier and forced me to dress prettier, and Chanyeol stopped me before leaving the house and said I looked crazy. Please tell me which one it is so I can go back and do something about it.”

Baekhyun laughs. He laughs as if the situation you’re in is funny. “I think you’re always pretty. You just look even prettier today.” You chew on your bottom lip anxiously, shoulders dropping in doubt. “Are you sure? We haven’t even started the date yet and I feel like I ruined it.” He only shakes his head with a soft smile, walking over to the passenger door to open it for you.

 When he’s sitting in the car beside you, he swears his throat closes up when your skirt hikes up in your seat. Warding off the sinful thoughts of you, he starts the ignition of the car, letting the engine warm up for a bit before driving off. The last time you’d been in this car was when he was teaching you how to drive; weekend after weekend, while just you and Baekhyun in this worn down Lexus, he stole your heart bit by bit. You never thought you’d find yourself in this situation again; somehow you were the one stealing his.

“Where are we going?”

“Dinner. I heard there was this really great Italian place they opened downtown. Maybe we can get dessert after?” He glances over at you to see your reaction, only regretting because you so pretty with the sunset behind you.

“That sounds good.” You grin.

That night, the dinner itself wasn’t the most amazing thing you’ve ever had, but the talks you had with Baekhyun were. There wasn’t a dull moment with him, he had stories to share that made you laugh until you’re almost choking on the pasta and by the time dinner was over, you were just glad that there was still dessert to look forward to.

“This place looks new.” You say, eyes sparkling with the countless of options listed on the menu mounted above. “There’s so many to choose from.” Baekhyun notes that although your eyes seem youthful and the smile plastered on your face supported that, everything about you wasn’t the same anymore. How’d he miss out on this for so many years?

You wave your hand in front of his face. “Baek, you good? Have you decided what you like?” He lets out a nervous chuckle, nodding his head. “Uh, yeah. Grab me the strawberry on a cone, will you?”

He slides his card to pay before you could even stop him, frowning when you hand him his cone as the two of you exit the shop. “I could’ve paid, you know.”

“I don’t really trust anyone who gets mint chocolate chip… so…”

“Oh, so you don’t. What’s wrong with mint?”

“Do you like eating toothpaste or something?” You slap his arm, and he winces, remembering that although you were small in comparison to him, your strength was impeccable. “Oh—shit, I’m sorry, Baek.”

“I forgot how strong you were. Do you lift or something?” His face contorts in pain, but he’s not in that much pain. “No, although, now that you mention it, I should probably get into it since I know I’d be so good.” Baekhyun winces. “How am I ever going to stand next to you? I’ll be living in fear all the time.”

“Speaking of, I heard you finally moved out of your parents place.” Licking your ice cream, Baekhyun has to look away or else these thoughts would creep up again. “I have. Want to come over after this? We can squeeze in a movie, and I borrowed something from Chanyeol the other day, so I can drop it off when I take you home.”

Bent over, reaching for the controller underneath the coffee table, Baekhyun swallows. His gaze drifts off to the ceiling, praying that you wouldn’t notice the boner he’s supporting right now. When did you grow up? He has to shake off the dirty things he’s imagining you doing right now.

“Here.” You slap the controller in the palm of his hand before adjusting your top. “Are you comfortable? Do you wanna borrow some of my clothes?” Lips jutting into a pout, you want to tell Baekhyung, yes, hell the fuck yes I want to wear your clothes and get out of this brutally uncomfortable skirt, but the words don’t leave you mouth and he can only smile. It’s like he reads your mind because he stands from the couch and enters into his room. Seconds later, he has a pair of sweats and a hoodie for you. Your favorite dynamic duo.

You’re barely 1/4th through the movie, Baekhyun’s arm around you with your head cuddled against his chest while wearing his clothes that smelled so good, smelled like him. This amount of comfort was never evident with any of your previous relationships, but something about Baekhyun made everything feel okay. Turning your head to look over at him, he’s breathing soundlessly as if he’s asleep, but his attention is all diverted to the television. His jawline looked tempting, skin smooth and soft, you bring your lips to kiss the bone.

He chuckles at the action, eyes down to meet with yours. “Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“I should be the one asking you that.” He presses a chaste kiss on your lips before giving you one last look of confirmation. Crashing his lips onto yours, you welcomed him inside with your tongues knotting and sliding past one another, you hum against him. It sent a warmth feeling down your center and you wanted know if he felt it too. Pushing the blanket off your frame, you climb over his lap, swinging a leg over before pressing yourself down on him, his hands slowly making his way to your waist, hesitating as if he’s asking for permission. Hands forcing on his in invitation, he complies, pulling you close to his body.

He lets go of your lips, a lewd smack from your kiss separating. He’s panting like he’s just run a marathon, heart racing to the point that he’s afraid you can hear it. There’s a rush in him, excitement pumping through his veins and he’s never felt this before. You felt too much like home to him, and this was just the first date, how was he supposed to survive any more if you had him wrapped around his finger like this?

“I don’t want to go any further if you don’t want to. It’s our first date—Is it too soon?” He says, his voice meek and faint, the total opposite of how he usually is around you. Afraid he’d mess it up, afraid that everything that happened today wouldn’t happen again if he didn’t do it right.

“Please take me. I want you, Baek, I really do. I’ve been waiting for this since I met you when I was sixteen.” You sounded desperate, cheeks flushed in embarrassment of how intoxicated you were from his kisses. “Don’t make it sound like that, I’m sorry I made you wait this long.” He whispers before leaning back into the kiss, palm rubbing your hip soothingly before you begin to grind on him. The sight of you in his clothes brought the blood rushing straight into his pants that were starting to be uncomfortably tight.

Baekhyun made you feel like a princess that night—sprawled on his bed, arms wrapped around his neck while he peppered kisses constantly on your damp forehead, skins slapping as the headboard of the bed bangs against the wall. Soughing sweet nothings into your ears, nibbling on your lobes to help you reach your high, a hand reaching down to toy with your clit before your toes are curling, fingers digging into his shoulders while your climax was approaching. He had you in a trance, fully blissed out, and before you know it, you’re cumming, letting out your final moans and cries. It drag must’ve felt nice, because his hips are stuttering, losing it’s rhythm until he stills, long spurts of his cum splattering you walls.

He falls over, pulling you close and nuzzles his nose into the crook of your neck, gifting you a quick kiss on your sweaty skin. “Stay for the night?” You nod.

You end up staying more nights with him.

Your presence meant more to Baekhyun than you ever knew. Those rough days where he’s at the office, he loves coming back to his apartment, seeing you in his dark home with only the kitchen light illuminating on the granite island with your books spread out with your notes and music blasting from your computer. There were some nights where he’d be home late hours and you’re snuggled in blankets on the couch, the only brightness in the room is from the television, shining on your face in multiple colors with you completely engrossed with what’s playing. It was his favorite part of the day, the thing he looked forward to the most.

The night he knew that he couldn’t ever let you go was when he came home just in time because you were taking out a tray of something from the oven, apron wrapped around your frame with a surprised expression on your face. “Oh, you’re back?” You sound shocked, mostly because you told him you wouldn’t be here tonight but yet… there you were.

“Not that I don’t love having you around, but I thought you said you weren’t coming over today?” Baekhyun asks, dropping his jacket on one of the dining room chairs. “And what are you making?”

You scrunch up your nose. “Honestly, sorry baby, I wanted to use your oven. Then I felt bad for using your oven without telling you, so I baked you banana bread as well. Then I lost track of time and I’m supposed to deliver these cupcakes to Naeun for her lacrosse team bake sale tomorrow.” Baekhyun chortles in amusement, wrapping his arms around you from behind before pecking your lips. “All good, baby.”

He doesn’t even care that you came to his house without a warning. He’s glad you’re there—Baekhyun had the expectation that you weren’t going to be there that night, so the drive home was dreadful, but just catching you in the act of using his oven… nothing made him happier. He’s not letting you go.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You hiss, eyes darting at him. Pausing from stuffing your personal belongings into your duffle bag, regret washes over how much stuff you’ve accumulated here. His place had too much of your things and having this fight alone was bringing in a lot of realizations. How could you get comfortable so easily?

Baekhyun sighs, fingers running through those locks that you had always dreamed of having your own in, but at this state, you’re fuming with anger. “You’re only twenty-two and my best friend’s little sister. There’s so much to life you haven’t seen yet... I don’t think you’re mature enough for me.”

“I’m not mature enough for you?” Shaking your head, you continue to fill your bag. “Ridiculous. I’m twenty-two, Baekhyun, not sixteen. Need I remind you that you also wanted this? I’m also not the one talking to other women while you’re with me— with me! You said you liked me. But the entire time, you had someone in the back burner, ready to replace me when it’s time.”

He says your name with another exasperated breath, feeling speechless. He doesn’t get to feel frustrated, you think to yourself, not today, not in this situation. “I do like you. More than you think, actually. But do you ever think of what Chanyeol is going to say or how he’d react if he knew? I’m feeling guilty, extremely guilty. You’re not just his sister, but you’re his little sister, which means a lot more. He’s getting suspicious of me sneaking around with some girl he hasn’t heard about yet.”

You’re fuming. Little sister this, little sister that. Every conversation with Baekhyun always seemed to lead to that topic—how young you were, and how experienced he’d been in comparison. “Who fucking cares? He’s my brother, he doesn’t get a say in my relationships. And who is he to you that he can decide yours?”

“He’s my best friend, one that’s been around for me almost forever. I can’t just go behind his back and date his sister, let alone sleep with her.”

“Then let’s not make it complicated any more. I’m leaving.”

He freezes. Why’s he suddenly so shocked? He was watching you pack your bags seconds ago, yet it’s like reality only struck him in that moment. Baekhyun reaches to grasp onto your wrist and you push back. “Wait, you’re not actually leaving, are you?”

“What do you expect me to do? Stay? After the way you spoke to me? What about when you called me ignorant and inexperienced? Too young for you? Should I list more things why you can’t be with me and for some reason you want me to still stay?”

“I-I didn’t mean it like that,” He says, stuttering in his words. “I still have feelings for you, nonetheless.”

“That doesn’t mean shit, Baekhyun.” You pull from his hold, slinging the bag over your shoulder before storming out his apartment. “I have some pride and dignity. I can’t just stay with someone who looks and speaks of me so condescendingly.” He doesn’t stop following you though, door left open as he chases you down the flight of stairs. 

“Drive safe,” He says softly, watching your figure make way to your car that parks outside of the apartment complex, heart clenching at the sight of you walk away. “Please text me when you get home.”

“As if,” You scoff, aggressively opening the door. “Don’t expect to hear from me anymore, Baekhyun.”

He’s like every other guy you’ve ever dated, have ever been with. This guy—the one who you’ve always put on a pedestal and admired— wasn’t just a guy anymore, but rather any other one you’ve ever dated. He’d stolen your heart in your early years but in actuality, Byun Baekhyun was like any other boy. Disappointing and sleazy.

Respect and admiration, the two main characteristics you looked for in a man, and the one that you thought had them, didn’t end up having them. Tears were welling up into your eyes as you’re driving; sleeves too long that they cover your hands on the wheel, and you want nothing more than just to speed past these cars on the highway.

But you knew better than to let your emotions run wild. Yet the tears just don’t stop falling.

Age. Age was just a number. There were so many people that were the same age as you without the equivalent amount of experience as you held. Whether if it were more or less, the main point was evident: age didn’t matter. It’s what Baekhyun felt was a constant need to remind you when things weren’t working out or when it got tough. It had been frustrating. Maybe it was a good thing to have left. After all, what would it have been like if you had to tell your brother?

There’s constant dinging coming from your bag, and once the traffic begins to build up, you take your attention away for a brief moment to check it.

10 Missed Calls. 30 New Messages.

All from Baekhyun.

There’s an urge within you to want to call him back but you know better. If you heard his sweet, soothing voice over the phone, you’d unconsciously turn your car around and drive directly back to his apartment. It’s how it always was.

But from now on, it was different. You can’t put Baekhyun on a pedestal anymore, you can’t put him as this picture perfect guy for you. He wasn’t— he was human, and that was okay for you, more than just okay, but he proved at that very moment that maybe you weren’t right for him.

Another blind date.

You’ve been on countless of blind dates since you officially announced to your family that the guy you’ve been seeing wasn’t... well, you weren’t seeing him anymore. Because of this, your mom thinks that you’re bitter and lonely, fearing that you’ll never find someone. “You’re only twenty-two and can’t even keep a man? We have to start early while we still have time!” 

Luckily, Chanyeol tried backing you out of this one but there’s no argument against your mother. So he suggests doing the matching. You pray he’s not trying to get back at you for stealing the last yogurt cup in the fridge back in 2011.

Getting into your ‘lucky’ signature black mini dress was a bit harder than usual— you want to blame it on the relationship weight gain but you admit that your healthy habits have been lacking. After sucking in a deeper breath, the dress finally zips. Smoothing out the crevasses on the skirt of your attire, you give yourself a last check in the mirror before giving yourself a grin and a thumbs up. “OK, I got this.”

The door bell rings; assuming it’s your date, you quickly slide open your closet doors to find your heels until a familiar laugh perks up your ears. It’s none other than Baekhyun.

“You... look like you were standing by the door waiting for someone and I’m pretty sure I made this a surprise visit.” Peering out into the hallway, you can see his figure standing at the door frame, dressed in a hoodie, ripped jeans, and a trench coat... why does he make it so hard to hate him?

Chanyeol shakes his head, standing aside for his friend to enter. “Jongin is supposed to be here sometime soon.”

“Oh, you made plans with him?”

“Nah, setting him up with my sister. I’m free for the rest of the night. You tryna hang?” Baekhyun gives Chanyeol a dazed look of bewilderment. “You’re... setting up your sister with Kim Jongin?” He nods with his lips pursed, confident with his response that his friend seems to question uncertainly. “Yeah. My mom has been on her case lately about having a boyfriend since apparently the guy she was seeing dumped her. She thinks that little Park has some personality issues and it’s going to take some time before she meets someone. I figured I’d give her an easy date, at least Jongin isn’t a dick like the past few guys.”

Baekhyun feels queasy. Were you really moving on that quickly? It was barely a week since he’d last seen you and the visual of you walking away that night haunted his days. “How long ago since it’s been since she and the guy broke up? Couldn’t have been that long, right? Why are you guys already setting her up on dates so soon?”

Chanyeol shrugs his shoulders. “Not sure. Why’s it matter anyway? Jongin is a nice guy anyway and could use some stability in his life.”

“That guy rides a motorcycle and races almost every weekend. You think he’s good for your sister?” His tone spilled in flabbergast. “You don’t think he’s going to influence her?”

“She’s an adult, she can handle herself. I highly doubt he would be influencing her though, pretty sure she would more than likely be influencing him.” Baekhyun can agree to that— after all, he’d fallen victim to that. But he didn’t like the idea of you being with someone else and he definitely wasn’t a fan of seeing you look pretty for a guy like Jongin. “Well, what if I took her out on a date?” He suggests.

Chanyeol can only let out a laugh, leading Baekhyun into the living room. “Yeah right, don’t kid around, Baek. My mom is strict about her looking for suitors; we’re looking for serious inquiries only.”

The doorbell finally rings. “Oh! I think it’s for me— I’ll get it!” Baekhyun’s head pivots to see you rushing out of your room, slipping into your heels the last second with a black leather jacket folded over your arm. He feels the breath stolen from his lungs. 

“Oh. Hey Baekhyun,” You say, a weak smile upon your lips. “I got the door.” 

Standing at the door with a loose dress shirt tucked in his slacks, with a couple buttons undone; Jongin’s sun-kissed tan skin is exposed from underneath, hair slicked back in gel with a bright grin on his face. “Hey, pretty.” Voice deep and smooth, goosebumps appearing on your arms. “Hi.” 

“Jongin.” He startles you from behind, bumping you aside before giving his friend a handshake. “Taking little Park out? Per Chanyeol’s request?” Jongin only nods, and he doesn’t take his eyes off of you. “Yes, but... I did it willingly. After all, look how beautiful she looks.” Baekhyun snaps his fingers to regain his attention. “Where are you taking her?”

“Surprise.” He says nonchalantly, noting Baekhyun’s sudden possessiveness. “Where’s Yeol? Told him I’d say my goodbyes before I take her out tonight.” Saved by the presence of Chanyeol, you finally let go of the breath you didn’t realize you were holding. Despite the height difference, Baekhyun was attempting to size up Jongin, although lacking a bit from the towering younger male. “Whoa, what’s going on here?”

“Nothing,” They both say in unison, but Chanyeol only chuckles at the sight of his two friends. “Well, thanks for doing this for me Jongin, I’m sure you made both mine and my sister’s night a little easier.”

“Well, drive safe when you go.” Baekhyun says through his gritted teeth. Words that were once so affectionate and caring now had a different meaning behind them.

Standing by the door with his arms crossed on his chest, Baekhyun scowls while Chanyeol leans against the frame. Jongin hands over to you the spare helmet on the backseat of his motorcycle (which by the way... hot) before hopping on. Settling comfortably behind him, he lifts up his arms and although Baekhyun can’t hear what Jongin’s saying, he already knows the words. Wrap your arms around me so you don’t fall off. Right on cue because your arms snake around his frame, gripping on as tight as Baekhyun’s jaw clenches.

The restaurant he takes you to is way out of your comfort zone.

There was a comment here and there from Chanyeol that Jongin was from old money, however there wasn’t much brought up after that. Where he brings you on your first date is evident of this; it’s lavishly decorated, dark lighting with a candle that illuminates just the table, freshly picked flowers from their own garden, linen tablecloths and napkins, and to top it off, a classical band plays in the corner. 

“Wow... after telling me to hop onto the back of your motorcycle, I really didn’t expect you to take me here.” He lets out a low snicker, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “A beautiful woman like you deserves a luxurious date as this.”

Jongin is a gentleman. He pulls out your chair for you, opens the car door for you, and when there’s goosebumps on your arm and you shiver at the cool air blowing down at you, he’s observant enough without you saying and asks the waiter to turn off the air.

“Baekhyun Hyung seems like have a thing for you, doesn’t he?”Jongin asks, picking up his knife to saw his steak. “I saw how... protective he was of you.”

“Eh, just an instinct. He and my brother are close, so I’m sure it rubbed off.” You lie. It’s easier to lie.

Jongin isn’t convinced. “No, I’m pretty sure he was giving me daggers with his eyes. Like... boyfriend daggers. As if I was stealing his girl or something.” 

“I’m not really anyone’s to claim,” You say, fork pushing your pasta around. This conversation wasn’t fun and you weren’t in the mood to be in it. After all, you were at this date because Baekhyun didn’t want to be yours in the first place. “Hence why we’re on this date, right? There’s no Baekhyun.”

But for the rest of the night, Jongin doesn’t let it go. He keeps bringing it up, as if Baekhyun is now his competitor and they’re both fighting for a mate. 

You call it a night. Saying that you might’ve eaten something bad during lunch and it wasn’t sitting well in your stomach. So much for an easy date.

“You look... really stressed out dude. Maybe we should go out for drinks tonight or something.” Chanyeol suggests, stirring the sugar in his iced coffee with the plastic straw. “What’s up with you?”

He can’t get you out of his mind. He can’t go to bars, clubs, restaurants... pretty much anywhere; he can’t go anywhere because everything reminds him of you. Baekhyun only agrees to meet up with Chanyeol because he doesn’t want to seem any more suspicious, but it seems that showing up didn’t do much of a difference either.

“Can I ask you something? And you not be mad about it?” Baekhyun blurts, leaning forward in his seat with his arms against the table.

“Uh, sure.” Chanyeol responds, brows furrowed in confusion. “I guess I can’t really control my anger if you’re asking something ridiculous, but shoot.”

“No, I really need you to not be upset about it.”

“... Uh, okay, then I guess continue.”

Baekhyun takes in a deep breath and exhales, so deep that it takes him a while to recover in order to continue the conversation. “I... Would be upset if I told you that I might have feelings for your sister?”

Chanyeol raises a brow. “... Do you really? You’re not joking, right? Because that’s some sick joke—”

“No? At least, I don’t think I am.” Baekhyun says quickly, shaking his head. “Just... can you stop setting her up with these other guys?” His best friend takes a sip of his drink, cringing at the taste before opening the lid to pour more sugar into it. “Okay, I won’t anymore. So what are you going to do now?”

“You— you’re not mad about it?”

Taking a sip of the coffee, he nods in content before closing the lid. “Well, yeah, why would I be mad?” He pauses for a moment, eyes gazing up at Baekhyun’s tired ones. “Wait... you’re not telling me that she’s the reason you’ve been so stressed out, are you? Dude, I sent her out with Jongin! What’d you do?”

“I... I don’t know.” He responds, still appalled by Chanyeol’s calmness surrounding the situation. “But we dated for a bit and I ruined it by telling her that you might not be as supportive about this.”

“Dude...” He clicks his tongue in disbelief. “Why didn’t you just tell me before? Did you already fuck up before it even really started?”

“What else am I supposed to do? What if you said no? Was I to pick between the girl I’m in love with and my best friend?”

“Baek, stop being difficult. She’s old enough to decide things herself. What do you think this is, the Medieval times? Women are capable of making their own decisions— even if she’s my baby sister and something in my stomach really wants to punch you for even laying your eyes on her, but I can’t do that.” Then, there’s a pause. “Did you say you love her?”

“Uh...” He sighs, standing up in his seat and gestures Baekhyun up as well. “Come on, let’s go fix this mess.”

Baekhyun declines, slouching. “I’ve already fucked it up to the point of no return. She blocked my number, doesn’t respond to texts— I couldn’t even come to your house this past week because I knew she would ignore me. I look like a crazed boyfriend with how much I’m trying here.”

“You are a crazed boyfriend, you literally fucked up your chances with her.”

“Which is why I think I should completely give up.”

Rubbing his face in his hands, Chanyeol frustratedly groans. “Honestly, if you’re going to give up so easily, maybe you don’t deserve her.” Baekhyun swallows, anxiously shaking his leg under the table. “What am I supposed to do? Stand outside her house until she has to come out?”

“Well, for one thing, you got her brother’s permission and acceptance of the two of you being together. Isn’t that something? Wasn’t that one of the reasons that stemmed from the conversation?”

Baekhyun grunts, hands furiously ruffling his hair. “It wasn’t only that. I called her immature, Yeol. I told her that she wasn’t mature enough for me.” His best friend stays silent for a moment, so quiet that you could almost hear him blink. “Do you really believe that?”

“Of course not. She’s the most mature twenty two year old I’ve ever met. She has most of her life together than I do, not including the fact that she has more self-assurance than I ever did at that age. But she doesn’t make me feel bad about it either; she wants me to bask in my childish behavior and be myself—“

“—stop talking and save it for her, will you?”

His palms are incredibly sweaty. Wiping the excess moisture on the fabric of his jeans, he tightens his jaw but follows with a deep inhale and exhale afterwards. “Why are you so nervous? I thought you said you liked her and were comfortable with her?” Chanyeol is shuffling through his pockets and filing through the many keys he has for the front door of your parents’ place before a familiar voice is heard behind the wooden material.

“I think it’s Yeol, Dad! I got it—“ The door swings open and the sight of you clenches Baekhyun’s chest.

You’re so pretty; so fucking goddamn pretty. Hair tied back in a loose bun, oversized grey hoodie and black shorts yet the simplest outfit has Baekhyun almost gasping for air. It makes the acidity in his stomach grumble— or his intestines in a knot; he’s not quite sure. One thing he was certain of was that knowing that he was the cause of your tired and sad eyes made his heart drop.

“Oh, hey Baekhyun.” That stung. He missed hearing you call him your baby. “You guys coming in?”

“I’m coming in. But you? Stay out here and talk to Baekhyun.” A blank expression on your face, you blink profusely. “Is everything okay?”

“Apparently not. Seemed like my friend is rather smitten with you. What’d you do? Drug his drink?”

“With what? You think I have to drug your friends to think I’m somewhat pretty?”

“No, I think you have to drug their drinks to get them to fall in love with you. He’s crazy now; I don’t think I want to be around him anymore. You keep him.” His words don’t have an underlying tone that you can pick out but he ends it off with a soft smile before patting your shoulder and walking into the house.

It’s just you and Baekhyun.

“Why’s he talking like that?” You say, ultimately shattering the glass of silence. “He’s acting like I have all his friends by a leash.”

“You have me by a leash.” It’s a quiet again. A heavy empty space of stillness settled over the two of you, thicker than the awkwardness and tension that had never been there before.

“Why are you—“

“You’re home early.” Baekhyun states the obvious, gathering enough courage to speak up. “Bad date?” Sucking in your cheeks, you’re tempted to tell him that it’s none of his business, yet you play along to his game anyway. “No... he was great. He just had a lot to offer when it came to money and I knew I couldn’t reciprocate nor live that life.” He nods as if this information was helpful, knowing that regardless of the turnout of the date, he would still be having this conversation.

“I told Yeol.” Your eyes widen; this is the most of a reaction he has gotten from you in a while and he admits that he misses it. “You what? Are you crazy? It was supposed to be meticulously planned—”

“He said he was okay with it.” Blinking blankly, you’re still hesitant about what to say next. “That... that doesn’t change where we left off.” Distressingly raking his hair with his fingers, he nods. “I know it doesn’t make up for any of the things I said but I still want another shot. I said it in the moment of panic— I had to pick between you and Chanyeol, and I didn’t know what to do.”

“So... what are you trying to say?”

“That what I said the other day, I didn’t mean it. I guess, calling you little Park like I’ve always done made it easy, knowing that I didn’t have to choose between my best friend and the girl I’ve been head over heels for. It gave me enough time to figure out what I wanted to do and... I just ended up ruining it for myself.”

You’re quiet the entire time, hands twiddling with the fabric of your hoodie. Unsure how to feel and uncertain of what to say, you just swallow any words that want to leave your mouth, not wanting to be too easy and let him back into your arms so easily. “Please, say something, say anything. I’m in love with you and honestly, I never thought I’d be in this position. All those girls I’ve dated—none of them made me feel in comparison to you.” His voice is wavering; you assume it’s from him being nervous.

“Baek, I don’t want to get hurt again.” You say softly, almost in a whisper. “You made me feel so stupid that day. I put you on this pedestal, I thought so highly of you—“

“Don’t do that,” He interrupts, stepping closer to you. “Don’t think so highly of me because I already broke your heart once. I made you wait so long and never realized your feelings for me. You’re the one that I should be putting on a pedestal.” Tears begin to well in your eyes again—Baekhyun’s the reason again, but it’s the opposite from before.

“I picked my nose before opening the door and wiped it on the doorknob before coming out because I knew Chanyeol was going to touch it. Are you sure about that?” He laughs, arms wrapping around your frame before pulling you against his chest. “Exactly what I looked for in a girlfriend. Someone who would torture my best friend.”

“I think I’m ready to move out.”

“Oh wow,” You say, slightly impressed. “You’re like what, 29? You probably should have your own place by now. Instead, you’ve been living at your parents’ house, trying to steal your sister’s last can of coke from the fridge. And you didn’t even bother to replace it!” Baekhyun chuckles at the siblings arguing, rubbing your back soothingly.

“Nobody asked you to drink so much of it. It’s bad for your heath.”

“You’re just saying that because you can’t handle my hits. You want me to be weaker.”

“Rightfully so.” He attacks back, sticking his tongue at you. “Man, ever since Baek started dating you, he won’t even stand by me anymore. I felt like I had more confidence knowing that he might back me up.” His friend shakes his head. “I never did though, I let you guys just fight.” Chanyeol groans. “Whatever. Anyway, I think I should look for a roommate temporarily before completely moving out on my own.”

Baekhyun sits up on the couch. “You could always come live with me, you know.” Your older brother scoffs, shaking his head. “Nah, not after you started dating my sister. I’m only half okay with this, I’m not sure how I’d feel hearing your bedpost banging on the wall.”

“What— why would you even bring that up!”

Chanyeol sighs disappointingly, leaning back. “Man, I miss when Baek used to date other girls. He’d talk about how wild some of them were, how his flings were… he lived the life I wanted to live—ouch! Did you just throw the controller at me?” He winces, rubbing his head. “What was that for?”

“Are you seriously talking about his past sexual encounters in front of me, you asshole?”

“Okay but Baek—“ Baekhyun raises his hands in defeat. “I don’t know if I’m cool with you bringing this up with my current girlfriend, dude.”

“This is a losing battle, isn’t it?”

[thebestpersonherelovesbucky]

Falcon and the Winter Soldier: Ep. 3 Takeaway

The opening. That “we care” commercial that went straight into John Walker just coming in and tearing a place up like it’s nothing. Can we be any clearer on where the gov’t actually stands?

The vast difference between Steve Rogers and John Walker. I wanted to straight up punch Walker in the face for how he goes about things. “Do you know who I am?” Like...you’re a fucking rip off store brand asshole, buddy. You represent exactly what the world hates about America. You do not deserve that shield or the title or the respect that comes with them. 

Zemo using Bucky’s trigger words “just to see” what would happen. 

So, Bucky’s plan to break Zemo out of jail was literally something straight out of comic!Bucky’s persona. Sam’s reaction to it was straight out of comic!Sam’s persona as well. Perfect. 

Sam and Bucky’s “NO!” @ Zemo. Omg. Your dads are fighting, Zemo. Shut it. 

Sam and Bucky’s relationship, while still needing a hell of a lot of communication, continues to amaze me. They’re so much like comic Sam and Bucky. The bickering but partnership that’s solidifying more and more. How they keep checking on each other. The trust and faith that they obviously have in each other even if they don’t want to admit it. 

“So all this time you’ve been rich?” “I’m a Baron, Sam.” Zemo being a stereotypical, old-money-rich European. 

But is that the same book Steve used??? 

“He’s out of line, but he’s right.” I loved the Marvin Gaye conversation.

Fucking kudos to Sam for keeping in character and drinking that...whatever it was. 

Okay but seeing Bucky act like the Winter Soldier was just...I got chills. It made my heart explode. My jaw drop. The fact that it’s super clear now that he’s been pulling punches this whole time. The WS music. The pain Bucky must’ve felt while “in character”. I just. No words. 

In the same vein as Bucky acting like the Winter Soldier, the people’s response to thinking the Winter Soldier is there and the intimidation and fear. Thank you for that.

Zemo offering “The Winter Soldier” and the code words to Selby. My fucking heart.

Sam’s phone call from Sarah. I feel like it was just at the right time to remind us that Sam still has so much going on in his life. It’s not just this. Not just kicking ass and trying to solve whatever the fuck is going on. He has a life outside of this. His family. The world and how it perceives him. His choices. Fucking hell, will someone just hug this man????

“I can’t run in these heels!” SAM!!!

My sweet bitter baby Sharon. I love her even more. “Wow, she’s kind of awful now.” lmao. Her emotions are so valid and she’s so fucking badass. Surviving after everything. Taking down all those bounty hunters? Please, let me be yours. 

Thank you for Anthony Mackie’s shirtless scene. Thank you. I’ll have a few more of those, please. 

Zemo...wtf are you doing? You’re so embarrassing. 

Nagel’s casual mention of Isiah as a “test subject” literally made my blood boil. This man was a national treasure. A hero. Someone who the gov’t used and then tossed into a cell and threw away the key. He was experimented on by his own government and Hydra. And he deserves his justice. He deserves recognition. He deserves so much more than the bullshit “an American test subject”. Isiah Bradley is a fucking human being who’s been destroyed and I really hope they explore that more and give him the honor that he deserves.

Nagel thinking he’s better than Erskine? Fuck that. 

Bucky helping Sam back to his feet. He didn’t just pull him back up, he helped him. Idk why I liked seeing that so much. 

Sam grabbing Bucky and pulling him into the container. Again, idk why i like things like that just...i love it.

“You’re not going to move your seat up, are you?” “...No.” ‘Nuff said. 

Still not sure how I feel about Karli. There’s...a sense of wants to do the right thing. Maybe even is right in some ways. But blowing up the building with people inside of it sort of pushes her into the right reasons, wrong ways territory. Time will tell, I suppose since we still don’t know exactly what’s going on.

Who the fuck is the Power Broker? 

Sam. Sam. SAM. God, he’s going through so much. His emotions about the shield and what it meant for him to not take it are still just simmering beneath the surface. I get Bucky’s feelings about it, and he’s not exactly wrong, but he’s really got to start listening and trying to understand where Sam’s coming from because he’s not wrong either. As Sam said in the last episode, it’s not something Bucky or Steve’ll ever really get it. I can’t wait for Sam to accept the shield and I can’t wait for Bucky to accept Sam’s reasons for not taking it in the first place. I really hope that they truly reach that place of understanding and bonding and partnership. And on top of that, his relationship with his sister and his nephews and his life back home. Seriously, can someone just give him a hug!! 

Ayo!!!!! OMG!!!!!! I was NOT expecting that!! What a way to end the episode! 

I have no idea how they’re going to wrap this all up in only three more episodes, but they’ve been doing a great job so far and I’m so excited for more! I need the episodes to be 3x longer!!