#logically i know this is irrational

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

[ethan-acfan]

Okay, I've mentioned this before briefly, but I wanna go more in depth about this. I firmly believe that Altair has a small fear of heights.

Nothing too major. He often barely remembers it until he is standing on top of a tall building, and suddenly, he can hear his heart hammering in his ears. However, his training stops him from letting it affect him in any visible way. In fact, he sometimes gets worried people will start to suspect his has this fear and will over compensate by putting himself up high so no one will catch on, no matter how much he hates it.

Anyway, I really like this hc because it lowkey implies that part of his training was to dehumanize him to the point he wasn't allowed to express basic emotions like fear. Because Altair was meant to be a weapon, and weapons don't feel fear

[steveharrington]

does working full time making anyone else irrationally bitter and resentful or is that just a me issue

[bsideheart]

it’s opening night and i’m already two seconds away from a meltdown because my stage makeup didn’t turn out as well as yesterday. this bodes well

[shower-racoon]

the worst part about paranoia is that it's not mutually exclusive with thinking rationally. am I irrationally scared? yes. do I know it's irrational? also yes. can I do anything to stop this? nope, fuck you

[undercoverangell]

trying 2 befriend people but im really anxious and so instead of being normal i just try and perform elaborate rituals to get their attention.

[outlying-hyppocrate]

psychoanalyzing my friend group and coming to lots of realizations with tumblr user faintingspell !!

[crosaidi]

dumb creative / art vent under cut

i've been in an drawing mood today, but it kinda fell out the bottom. i'm a dopamine-hit kinda person, and while i share rp-relevant doodles on-dash, 99% of the stuff I do isn't, lmao, and i feel weird showing random shit to rp buddies bc it isn't relevant to them or our characters so ??

and so i try to set up other social media sites and know logically that take time to set up, but the long shouting-into-the-void part is disheartening

and so then i grump myself into circles and shove everything into a buried file folder and lose motivation for months UGH WHY IS MY BRAIN THIS WAY

[timove]

I hate it when my overthinking makes me believe someone I care about is going to hate me for *checks notes* asking how they are

[achilles-invulnerable-heel]

When nobody else got me I know my fear of abandonment got me

Hey wait a second why does nobody else got me :( guys where'd you go

[azacat-alias-lost]

IRRATIONAL BLUE

Prologue and chapter one can be found here:

Also don't mind the silly chapter titles from here on out lmao

CHAPTER TWO - “I Don’t Know Why Your Eyes Look Like That, But I’m Suddenly Very Enamored With You” by Fall Out Boy

Entry #2 - Regarding a very exciting development due to new material.

The second entry in this journal, and I already have wonderful news! We have just been sent a box of samples from a meteorite, shipped here straight from the collection site. It was unclear whether it was from NASA. It might have been from another organization. Nonetheless, Dr. Lurelle and I have been assigned to study the material and report anything of note.

I will admit, I passed the responsibility of the burn-and-view tests off to Lurelle. I thank whatever god is out there that she’s been understanding.

We’re supposed to be onboarding the new assistants today. I was relieved when I found out that I still had Remus by my side. The only other assistant I’m assigned to is one Patton Coralou. Unfortunately, I was unable to view his picture, as it did not print in the roster document. Oh, well. I’ll see him when he comes in today.

On the topic of Remus, he’s starting to get on my nerves. He keeps asking if I want him to “set me up” with someone. I keep having to remind him that romance doesn’t interest me. First of all, I am a busy man, and have no time for a romantic relationship. Second of all, even if I did want one, no one has, understandably, shown any interest in me. And third of all, I’ve never found anyone that I had a desire to love in any way other than a friend.

I know he means well. I know that he cares about me. I just wish he’d understand. I think I might be aromantic. I know for a fact I’m asexual.

In any case, I’ll have to talk to him. I have to go now. The assistants will arrive soon.

End entry.

I closed my journal and set it in my bag. I checked the clock. The assistants were supposed to arrive in less than ten minutes. I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes for a moment.

None of the samples had been cracked open yet. Lurelle was planning on taking care of the first one later that day. It made me nervous, what with my previous troubles, but it would be a wonderful opportunity to learn things about our universe. It would be the first big breakthrough in years.

Remus stepped through the sliding door and walked over to the coffee machine. “Hey boss-man. How’re you doing?”

“I’m doing well! I’m excited to meet the new hire.”

“Yeah, me too. I just hope he knows what the hell he’s doing.” Remus stretched as he waited for fresh coffee to brew. “Lurelle went in to start testing a sample just a few minutes ago.”

“Oh, that’s good. What are they testing it for?”

“I think just like, trying to figure out what it’s made of.”

I nodded and stood from my desk. “Good. The material is an important thing to know.” I walked over towards the counter to stand by Remus. “So, you’ve mentioned that you have a brother. How is he?”

Remus made a face. “Eh, he’s fine.”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “Well, it certainly doesn’t seem like it.”

“We just disagree on a lot of shit. Er—” He looked at me apologetically. “Sorry…”

I sighed and raised my eyebrows. “To be completely honest, I’ve gotten used to your foul mouth.” I playfully elbowed him in the arm. “Just be careful around the other researchers, though. Alright?” Remus nodded and reached for the coffee pot.

A sound behind us made me jump. The door slid open, and a short, curly-haired man walked through. There was a map of the lab obscuring his face. I called out to him. “Hello, there. Can I help you?”

And that’s when he put his paper down.

His face was soft, almost round, with hundreds of freckles painting his cheeks. He had a curious look on his face, and his mouth was turned up in a small smile. He had small, pearl earrings that were perfectly white. None of these things are what caught my eye.

No, what caught my eye was his eyes.

They were the most striking blue I had ever seen. A hue that I could never describe. They were bright, almost as if they were glowing, unlike any blue eyes I had ever looked at. I didn’t know what to compare them to. Blue raspberry candy? A blue lightbulb? I don’t know, the blue of my Google Docs tabs?! I knew it was familiar, but I couldn’t remember how.

I shoved all of my feelings down and spoke. “Hello.”

He smiled at me. “Hi! I’m not sure if I’m in the right place or not.” He looked at his map again. “I’m supposed to be meeting a ‘Dr. Logan Gossiteure?’”

I gestured to myself. “That would be me. I take it your name is Patton?”

“Oh! Yeah, that’s my name.”

“Well, then, I should probably give you a tour of the lab. Why don’t you meet me just outside the sliding door?”

Patton nodded and stepped out, stuffing his map in his pocket. Before I could do or say anything, I heard Remus stifle a laugh. I turned to him. “What?”

“And you said that romance isn’t your thing.”

“WHAT?! Oh, no, no no no, it’s not—”

“Oh, come on, Logan! I saw how you were looking at him!”

For once in my life I wasn’t able to simply explain it away. Remus may have been right. Patton was certainly captivating. But I would be a dead man before I would admit it.

Alright, maybe that’s a bit extreme, but I certainly wasn’t going to admit anything yet.

“Remus, you are seeing something that isn’t there. Please stop suggesting things like that.” I surprised myself with my harsh tone, but I kept going. “You’ve been trying to get me in a relationship for a while now, and it’s getting out of hand.”

“Oh.” Remus blinked at me, a shocked look on his face, and for a moment I was worried I had upset him. But before I could say anything, he spoke again. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t realize I had gone too far.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks for telling me.”

I sighed and nodded. “Thank you, Remus.” I straightened myself out and started towards the door. “While I’m gone, could you see if you can find the files on our last material delivery? The one from two years ago?”

“Sure thing, boss-man!”

I smiled at Remus before turning and walking out the sliding door.

Patton looked up at me (Oh my GOD, he’s so small!) and beamed at me. “Hello! Where are we headed first?”

“Well, I was thinking of taking you around the office first. Then I could show you the labs.”

“Okay! Sounds good.”

As we walked down the halls, Patton asked questions about each division and position. Some people might think that would be annoying, but from a scientific perspective, it showed a lot of promise. He was curious, and that was good. Sure, they say curiosity killed the cat, but they also say that satisfaction brought it back.

We stepped onto the main testing floor. “And here we have our testing labs, where some new material is being tested. If you could just,” I gestured to a rack of steel shoe covers and other PPE, “go ahead and put those shoe covers and goggles on. And a coat.” I pulled my goggles out of my pocket and slipped them over my glasses, then reached down and buttoned my white coat. “These are just precautions.”

Patton flipped through the rack of coats to try and find his size. “Dang it, all of the shorter ones are too skinny for me…”

“We can pin up a longer one so that it doesn’t drag, for now. I can get you fitted for one of your own later this week.”

Patton nodded and slipped one of the larger coats on, buttoning it over his sweater. The coat came to just below his ankles. “Oh my gosh, I look ridiculous!”

I smiled at him. “You look fine. Plus, we don’t even need to pin it, and you’ll only have to wear it for a little bit.” I gestured ahead. “Now come on, we have more to get to.”

We stepped forward to a window, where Dr. Lurelle was dropping some shards of the new material into a vial. “This is our material testing area. Most of these have different chemical tests, so that we can differentiate what elements and compounds our material shipments are made of.”

“Do you have any information on your most recent shipment?”

“Not yet. Dr. Lurelle is working on that right now.”

As I said this, Dr. Lurelle poured a few drops of an acid into the vial. A small cloud of purple steam rose out of it, which Lurelle swatted away, coughing and scrunching her nose. She noticed me over at the window and waved. I smiled and waved back. She looked over at Patton and started to wave, then furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head. I looked at him as well.

He was a little pale, and had his lips pressed together. His hands were fidgety and shaky as he put one up in a small wave. “Patton, are you alright?”

“Y-Yeah, I just… That looks kind of dangerous. Bad for the lungs.”

“Well, I’m sure it’s fine. If she starts to get any breathing issues, we have medical staff that can help.”

Patton cleared his throat and pointed to the next window, clearly eager to move the conversation forward. “What’s in there?”

I leaned around to look, nearly falling over myself when I saw the bright flashes of fire. This time, it was my turn to clear my throat. “Burn tests. Those are, um… not my department.”

Patton frowned. “Are you alright? You went really pale all of a sudden.” He reached out and gently touched my arm.

I shouldered his touch away. “I’m fine. It’s complicated.” I gestured to the next section. “Let’s just finish the tour.”

I pointedly avoided looking into the window, trying to keep my eyes off of the bright flashes. What hurt the most wasn’t the pitying glances the other researchers shot my way, or Patton’s curiosity about what they were doing. What hurt the most was that just by the brightness and hue of the fire, I could tell exactly what they were burning. I wouldn’t have been able to do that back before…

Shoving the thoughts out of my mind, I took Patton around the rest of the lab, then back around to the office. “So, what do you think?”

“I think that I’m really excited to work here!” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s a good opportunity for me, what with my um… complicated background.” He looked up at me nervously. “B-But I promise I’m allowed to be here! I’m in the country legally, and everything.”

“I wasn’t worried about that. I trust that you were chosen to work here for a reason.”

“I sure hope so.”

I smiled at Patton and stuck my hand out to shake. “It’s been quite nice to show you around here. I hope we get to do much more with our research in the future.”

He shook my hand, and I couldn’t help but notice his cheeks go a little bit pink. “Thank you, Doctor. I have a feeling we’ll work well together.”

“Please, just call me Logan.” I rolled my eyes. “Anything’s better than Remus’ odd nicknames he comes up with, anyway.”

Remus’ familiar high-pitched voice rang out from the records room in the corner of the office. “I heard that!”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Ah. Well, shit.”

Patton gasped and lightly swatted my arm. “Watch your language!”

“Yeah, boss-man. Watch your fucking language.”

I laughed harder at Patton’s scowl and grumbling as he walked off to his new desk.

[fatelcved]

tldr for the below post/vent is i may or may not be away for a few more days! we’ll just see, and thank you for being patient with me as always 💜

maybe i’ll wait a few more days till i really come back? i dunno if that’s really the solution bc i just feel a weird distance from everyone rn, and that’ll just get worse if i stay away, i feel like. but i can also tell i’m probably at my worst as far as hormonal mood spirals go, and i really don’t wanna subject myself or y’all to that. it’s a rock and a hard place bc no matter what, i’m gonna feel bad to some extent — just if i stay away, i can maybe manage it a lil better. i really don’t know, so we’ll just see how the next few days go.

sorry to be so up and down, and thank you for being patient with me ;v; i really do hope all of you are taking care of yourselves and having good days!!

[rosquinn]

My literary analysis skills leaving my body the moment it's not about writing a typology argument bro fuck my stupid gay life

[petalouda85]

🎶 hello anxiety, my old friend 🎶

[7-oh-ta1]

Been trying to working on my trust issues thru writing and here's the problem: I think everything I say makes sense how does everyone else not think this way

[absentmoon]

ifit ever seems like im really awesome at managing my anxiety just remember at night i get plagued with guilt if i cant go to bed (the guilt makes it harder to sleep)