#lol figured it’d be easier if i just put the invite out there and let yall quietly join and leave if you wanna see what’s up

[im-still-watching-anime]

idk yall might fuck around and start a discord server

[tomspancakes]

This Way: Part 3

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress! reader

Word count: 4251

Warnings: A crazy bih lol

Summary: It’s time for Y/n’s welcome dinner with the Hollands. An uninvited guest joins and Tom is left making a tough decision.

A/N: Here’s part 3 I hope you enjoy! Please lmk if you’re enjoying this/ have any constructive criticism. Don’t hesitate to ask to be a part of the tag list :)

Part 1, Part 2

+++

“Thanks for taking me again, Tom, you’re a lifesaver.” You leaned over the center console and hugged him. Since nobody else was around the embrace lasted a little longer than you anticipated, but Tom enjoyed it. His heart warmed with the smell of your hair and he felt like he was at home in your arms. He was smiling and squeezed you a bit harder. 

“Uh Tom,” You said awkwardly patting his back, taking him out of his daydreaming, “I have to go now.”

“Oh shit uhm sorry, love...” When he let go of you he furrowed his brows remembering he has a girlfriend. 

“You ok?” you asked genuinely concerned as you grabbed your bags and stood up to get out. Many thoughts running through his mind about how wrong he’s being. He looked back up at your beautiful innocent face,

“Oh ya thanks,” he cleared his throat and noticed you took your extra clothes, “Oh you don’t have to take your extra bag. I’m picking you up for dinner right?” 

“No no it’s alright Harry said he’d be able to pick me up.”

“Are you sure? I mean it’d be easier if I just took you, this place is out of-”

“Ya, I’m sure. Harry and I haven’t really had time to hang out yet.” You said trying to avoid his offer. It was already hard being alone with Tom for 45 minutes and you didn’t want to wreck his and Allana’s relationship. Tom wasn’t convinced, he just gave you a strange look and bit his lip, “Alright then, love. Didn’t ever mean to make you avoid me.” You blushed because you were now exposed. You shrugged,

“Thanks again. See you later, Tom.” You turned and began to walk feeling Tom’s eyes burn into your backside. He was feeling so conflicted between you and Allana now. He shook his head and drove off to his parents’ house.

-

“Bye, y/n, can’t wait to begin filming with you in a few days!” You smiled and gave your co-star Lana Condor a hug.

“Likewise! I’ve been looking for a project with strong leading women roles and it’s finally happening.” You both smiled and parted ways when you saw Harry pull up at the front of the gate.

“Hey, bestieeeee!” You said, Harry laughed at your enthusiasm,

“Hi, love, get in now. There’s a bit of traffic.” You got in and Harry saw the outfit you were wearing.

“Whoa you own clothes other than sweats and leggings?” Harry asked in a fake shocking voice. You slapped his arm and he laughed, “Just joking. You look gorgeous though, Tom’s gonna have a hard time keeping it in his pants.” Again you slapped his arm and rolled your eyes. 

“That’s your brother, yuh nasty. But thanks.” You giggled and blushed.

You wore a white cropped turtle neck long sleeve, a suede nude high waisted skirt with a small slit on your right leg, and black heeled suede boots that went up just below your knee. The outfit hugged your curves perfectly, but was still very comfortable.

“Ok update time! I have to tell you what happened before the tableread.” He nodded,

“Who ended up taking you?” He asked.

“Tom did and he took me to lunch also.” He nodded his head like ‘ok so what?’, “Tom uhm… He took me to the burger cafe…”

“WHAT?” Harry yelled scaring you a bit, 

“I know it’s crazy, but you didn’t have to yell. It was so awkward that he brought me there.”

“No, y/n you don’t understand. After you guys broke up he refused to go there, even if it was just to pick food up for us. Then after a week of him and Allana dating he said he’d get some for us and he came back 2 hours after with super red puffy eyes. We all tried to talk to him about it, but he refused to and never went back until today I guess.” Your heart dropped hearing how sad Tom was you thought he was fine after everything you two went through. You were also surprised because you thought he hardly ever kept anything from the boys. 

“Then why would he take me there?” you asked softly

“Beats me. He hasn’t even brought Allana there. He always tells us it’s because Allana doesn’t like ‘greasy’ food, but I say that’s bull.” You sat there stunned, but you couldn’t think too much of it or else bad things would ensue.

“Anyway, how was filming?” You asked. Harry smiled widely and let out a dreamy sigh,

“It’s so fun, I’m living my dream and I love it even more.” You smiled seeing your friend so passionate about something.

-

“I can’t wait for you to see the final result, I cried a bit when filming it.” Harry said before pulling into the driveway of his parents’ house. 

“I can’t wait to see what you’ve done, the script was really well written.” You smiled at him before he got out and opened the door for you. You looped your arm in his and walked to the front door. He knocked and you realized you forgot to ask him about whose idea it was to have you stay for the next few months,

“Harry, can I ask you something?”

“Ya what’s up?” Before you could ask him the door swung open and Sam stood there with a wide grin.

“Y/n!” You jumped into his arms and he chuckled, 

“How’ve you been, Sam?” 

“Great! I’m getting better at cooking everyday.” He said proudly, stepping aside to let you and Harry in.

“Oh my god, Paddy?” You stared wide eyed at him, “You got so tall. You’re going to look like the eldest soon.” He laughed and gave you a hug, you were still shorter than him in the heels. 

“Yeah I see you’re still tiny.” He joked and laughed when you put your hand over your heart pretending to be offended. 

“Oh, Paddy, be nice to the girl.” Nikki said wrapping you in a hug and you giggled squeezing her back, “I swear, y/n, you get more gorgeous every time I see you whether it be on instagram or in person!” She said looking at you up and down and you flipped your hair in a joking way. 

“I could say the same to you, Nikki.” And she smiled widely at that. You went over to Dom and gave him a hug.

“Oh y/n it’s so lovely to see you again and not on Harry’s laptop!” You giggled,

“It’s nice to be here! I missed being in such a nice environment. After coming here once I believed American hospitality actually sucked.” He laughed at your comment and you all moved to the living room to catch up a bit more.

The doorbell rang and Harry came back with Tuwaine and Harrison who had cases of beer in their hands. 

“Oh my goodness, you boys better not get too drunk tonight, it’s a weeknight for christ's sake.” Nikki said, scolding them.

“Sorry, Nikki, we won’t I promise.” Harrison said and he winked at Tuwaine. Nikki shook her head as everyone else laughed. 

“Where’s Tom? He was supposed to pick up the drinks with us.” Tuwaine asked.

“Oh he’s in Paddy’s room. He’s been on a call with his girlfriend since y/n and Harry came.” Dom said.

-

You stood with Nikki drinking wine and watching Sam and Dom cook. 

“So, y/n, a little birdy told me you have a new flame in your life.” You laughed wondering if Tom or Harry told her, 

“I’m afraid that flame has already been burnt out,” she looked at you apologetically with a hint of excitement, “No worries though, it was for the best. Now I am focusing on myself and my work.” You said happily.

“I’m glad to hear that. It’s refreshing to hear that you can do well without being in a relationship. If you’re ever looking for one though, I know someone who maybe… I don’t know, never stopped looking your way.” 

You stared at her wide eyed. You knew she was talking about Tom and that she had loved you for him, but you didn’t think she’d put her son out like that especially when he’s currently dating someone. You were about to comment back that you couldn’t, but something warm and fuzzy rubbed against your leg. 

“Oh my goodness! Tessa baby where did you come from?” You cooed and put the wine glass on the counter to pick her up. Nikki smiled and awed. You heard footsteps approaching the kitchen,

“Tessa where’d you go? Mum can you put out another plate, Alla-” Tom stepped into the kitchen and stopped to scan your figure with his eyes. He gulped and brushed his hands through his hair,

“H-hi, y/n. You uh look nice.” Nikki smiled cheekily at how you made her son all flustered.

“What was that, Tom?” Nikki asked, he cleared his throat,

“Oh right, Allana is coming if that’s alright. Can we put out another seat at the table?” 

“Tonight of all nights? This was supposed to be a welcome dinner for y/n. We’ve invited her over so many times and after almost 5 months of you two dating she decides to meet us for the first time now?” You looked back down at Tessa who was cradled in your arms. How has Allana not met Tom’s parents, he introduced you to them before you even dated.

“Mum, you know she’s always been busy. Tonight just happened to be one of her open nights.” Nikki sighed and grabbed another plate from the cupboard. You put Tessa down to help Nikki set up the table.

You and Tom made eye contact and he smiled softly at you. You smiled back and he asked, 

“Wanna go outside? The boys are doing some trick shots.”

“Ya I’ll be out in a bit, let me just finish helping your mom.”

“No no, y/n, you shouldn’t even be helping. Tom you’re being a bad host.” She scolded and he put his hands up in defense before helping the both of you.

When you finished he walked with you to the backyard. You thanked him when he opened the sliding door for you. You sat down and watched as Harry, Paddy, Harrison, and Tuwaine tried to get a ping pong ball into a cup by bouncing it off a wall. Tom sat next to you after closing the sliding door and you shivered a bit, now regretting not bringing a jacket. Tom quickly got back up and went back inside, not even 30 seconds later you felt a fuzzy blanket wrap around your shoulders and cover your legs. You looked up to see that Tom had brought a blanket out for you,

“Just returning the favor, love.” He winked at you referencing to when you put the blanket on him this morning. You smiled and silently thanked him.

“So, when’s Allana coming?” You asked and Tom plopped down next to you again, 

“Oh she just left her friends so she’ll be here in 15 minutes maybe.” You nodded. ‘So she was already occupied before deciding to come to this dinner, interesting.’ you thought. 

Tom scooted a little closer to you, shoulders rubbing making your heart rate speed up. ‘Fuck it I’m gonna ask him’ you thought.

“Tom, did Harry really beg you to let me stay in the house? He told me it was your idea.” You said quickly looking at him.

He cleared his throat with wide eyes before rubbing his face.

“Uhm… no?” You raised your eyebrow at him, 

“Why’d you lie?”

Tom sighed and brushed a hand through his hair before pulling his knees closer to his chest and resting his chin between his knees. He was really nervous for some reason. He bit the skin on his thumb before saying, “Well, I didn’t think it’d be a terrible idea to have you here. We’d be too busy to even really see each other because I’d leave to shoot Uncharted…” He looked at you in the eyes and paused thinking about what he was going to say, “plus I uh kinda missed seeing you and talking to you. I kinda felt like a dick for not talking to you when you reached out to me as a friend after we broke up. I meant to reply, I swear, but I just couldn’t find the right moment I guess.” He sighed and looked back down, “I-I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to get you back.” Your eyes widened a bit.

“Oh not like in a relationship way, like uhm…” 

“A friendship?” You asked and giggled at him stumbling with his words. You were relieved, you were definitely not down to have drama in your life right now. 

“Hm, yeah, a friendship.” He said and looked at you with a crooked smile. That didn’t seem very convincing, but you brushed it off.

“Well, Tom, I’m 100% down for a friendship. There has to be some ground rules though, which I can't believe I have to say this, because you have a girlfriend.” You said sternly, “First you can’t compliment me anymore, kinda messes with my feelings…” he smirked at that going back to his cocky self, “Second you absolutely cannot be flirtatious with me,”

“Love, you can’t tell me to not be me.” He said winking, you hit his arm, “I’m joking, I’m joking.”

“Third…” You looked at him seriously completely disregarding what Haz told you, “I uh think we should leave the past behind us. You know, start off this friendship on a new slate.” Tom looked at you upset with furrowed brows like he wanted to say something, but his face relaxed knowing if he did it’d cause problems. 

“Ok then, is that all?” He asked softly, looking away from you.

“Hm… I guess so.” You looked at one another trying to read what the other was thinking. Then you looked away afraid you’d fall deeper staring into his brown orbs.

“Actually while we’re getting stuff out the way… How’d you know Gavin and I were dating?” You asked while fiddling with the hair tie on your wrist. Tom’s thoughts began to race figuring out a way to get out of this situation without sounding like a creepy ex, but he felt that he could only tell you the truth. 

He sighed, “Well actually, I didn’t know. I was-”

“Tommy!” A squeaky voice rang out behind you. You and Tom moved apart from each other quickly. ‘Oh shit’ Tom thought. Again, he was getting caught up with you and forgetting about Allana. Although, he was relieved to be pulled out of saying a very embarrassing confession. 

“Allana, hi, when did you get in?” Tom smiled, only sounding half excited and more nervous. Paddy looked curiously at the new girl that entered while Harry, Tuwaine, and Haz looked displeased to see her. Harry glanced at you raising his eyebrow and you shrugged standing up to leave Allana and Tom alone.

“Baby, I texted and called you so many times when I got here,” She rolled her eyes, “Your mum let me in when she saw me through the security camera.” Then she glared at him, if looks could kill Tom would be 6 feet underground by now.

“Sorry, darling. I left my phone inside.” She scoffed.

“You could’ve knocked or rang the doorbell.” Paddy said, everyone looked at him surprised. Allana snapped her head up in the direction of his voice, but her expression softened a bit when she noticed that Paddy was the one that said that. 

“Hm, I mean, I guess…” She shrugged and subtly rolled her eyes, “Tommy, why don’t you introduce me to your family now?” Oh god. You wanted to try to like her, but she was really making it hard.

“Didn’t she just pass by the kitchen and see Paddy just now? Did she not greet any of them?” you asked Harry in disbelief. He scoffed,

“Yeah, but she probably needed, ‘Tommy’s’ help.” Harry said mimicking the way she says his name. You watched as Tom introduced Allana to Paddy and then brought her in to meet his parents and Sam.

-

“Sam this is absolutely delicious. I hope there’s leftovers because nobody can cook in our house.” Tuwaine said, eating another bite of steak. 

Harrison chuckled, “Haha true, this morning Tom was just frying bacon and burnt his side real bad. Y/n had to nurse him, it was hysterical.” Allana looked at you displeased and you blushed. 

“Harrison, you’re a fucking twat.” Tom said and Nikki glared at him for cursing.

“Oh my goodness. Tom were you cooking with your shirt off again?” Nikki asked, disappointed. Tom looked down at his plate guilty. Nikki looked at Dom,

“Don’t look at me, darling, I no longer claim him as my own.” He said with his hands up in defense and everybody laughed at that. “Anyway, y/n. Whatcha filming now?”

You finished chewing, “I’m filming a new action movie called, “Run”. It’s about a family on the run that is under the protection of two female rookie CIA agents. That’s all I can really say for now, but I’m really excited to work on it because of the wonderful empowering story.” You smiled, you could’ve talked about the project forever, but you legally couldn’t because of the contract you signed.

“That sounds so bad ass!” Paddy said suddenly. Nikki looked at him,

“Oi! No cursing at the table. Tom, see what you’ve taught your brother?”

“Mum, really?” Tom moaned. She gave him  a stern look and he pouted, you giggled at the cute moment and Tom’s heartbeat quickened when hearing it.

“Was it hard getting here, y/n? You know with all the covid-19 news?” Dom asked.

“Oh it was a nightmare! Even though the airports were less crowded people were still freaking out and sanitizing every moment they could. Also as soon as I landed there was a bunch of news that things were beginning to get shut down in my state. I just hope filming doesn’t get cut short.”

“Yeah it’s unbelievable. The producers for Uncharted said to be ready for anything.” Tom added. It was quiet then you decided to ask Allana about what she was currently working on, trying to help her gain brownie points back with the Hollands. 

“Allana, what about you? Aren’t you working on something as well?” She looked up surprised that she was brought into the conversation. Tom put his hand on her back to ease her nerves, your heart dropped at the sight, but you tried not to think about it because he’s your friend now. 

“Well, I actually run a business with my friend and uh...,” she thought hard about what to say next and as if a light bulb went off in her mind, “we’re uh all about empowerment as well.” She looked at you smiling for the first time ever, “We design and sell chique clothing and then  20% of the proceeds are given to charities that stand out to us.” Tom’s parents looked impressed. The boys seemed surprised as well. She smiled at you again looking thankful… and smug?

“That is lovely, Allana. I’d like to see this business of yours sometime.” Nikki said, smiling at her kindly. Everyone carried on with their own conversations. Harry leaned over to your ear,

“Looks like the devil has a soul after all, but I don’t know if I’ve fallen for it yet.” You elbowed his side. 

“You just gotta give her a chance. Looks like you guys have never even asked what she does.” 

“Touche,” He shrugged, “Not gonna lie, I’m surprised you're being so nice to your ex’s girlfriend.” He said as if Tom wasn’t his brother.

“Well, Tom and I talked about it and we’re going to start off on a new slate as friends…” You looked at him, “Just like you suggested.” Harry smiled and hugged you, clearly proud of you. When you parted you caught Tom looking at you. You smiled at one another before carrying on with your conversations.

-

“You lot want to play a quick board game or something before we all call it a night?” You all nodded in agreement and migrated to the living room. Paddy said he was tired and decided to head to sleep for the night since he has school still. ‘What a responsible kid.’ you thought when you all said your good nights to him.

You all decided to play Heads Up. Dom was downloading the game on his tablet and Allana pulled Tom somewhere else.

-

Tom joyfully walked behind Allana into the guest room,

“What’s wrong? My parents seem to like you a lot, darling.” Tom said to Allana. She smiled pleased with what he said, but there was something else bothering her,

“What’s going on between you and y/n?” She asked straightforwardly as her mood switched fast.

“What? Nothing at all why?”

“Hm really? I get here and see you two basically cuddling and I keep catching you looking at her. If I didn’t know any better I’d think you have a crush or something.” She said in a serious tone. Tom sighed,

“Ok I know this isn’t the right time to hear it, but please don’t get mad at me and let me finish explaining.” She gave him a displeased look telling him to go on.

“Well y/n is my ex-”

“What the fu-” she interrupted furiously

“No, please let me finish,” He said with his hands on her shoulders, “I never told you because nobody even knew we ever dated, only our family and cast mates knew… I just didn’t think it would be cool if I broke my promise with y/n and told you too. She wanted only a few people to know.” Nothing he was saying was making Allana feel better. In fact it made something in her snap, her face began to turn red with anger. She pushed his hands off her shoulders,

“What the hell? I’m your girlfriend not y/n. Shouldn’t that promise mean nothing to you by now? Plus can’t you trust me enough?” Tom looked at his feet as he brushed his hands through his hair. Allana let out a stressful sigh and said,

“Look, Tom, I really really like you. We’ve been dating for almost 5 months now and you couldn’t build up the courage to tell me about your ex?”

“Allana, don’t go blaming me for not telling you anything. I had to find out through a friend that your ex actually broke up with you because you cheated on him for christ’s sake, not because you were moving to a different city!” He whisper yelled, getting angrier.

“God I hate when you bring that up, it was one slip up. I barely cheated on the guy.” Tom was about to say something really rude but she beat him to it, “You know what? I will not make a fool of myself. Definitely not in this relationship. I don’t like seeing you and y/n together at all. You can stay with me and we’ll work this shit out or…” she thought for a bit,

“Or what?” Tom asked impatiently, making her a bit more angry.

“Or I swear if I see you close to her or looking at her again I will share with the world what you told me tonight.” 

“What the hell are you fucking crazy?” Tom asked in disbelief.

“No. I’m just a boss lady that gets what she wants.” she said with full confidence crossing her arms over her chest, “just think about it, Tom.” She began to walk toward the door,

“Allana, y/n has been nothing but nice to you. Don’t you think it’d be a decent thing to at least leave her out of this? She’s really serious about her privacy. A-and didn't you just say you believe in women sticking together and empowerment?”

“What and lose all the leverage I have on you? Plus that’s something I tell everyone to promote the business.” She laughed darkly and started walking away again, “Oh and if I hear that anyone finds out about our deal, I’ll share your little secret. And I don’t give a shit that you two live in the same house, get creative, babe.” 

Tom sat feeling defeated at the edge of the bed. 

He thought to himself, ‘What the hell was that? In all the months I’ve dated Allana she has been bossy, but never this evil or mean or fucking psycho. What have I gotten myself into? How did I not see the signs? Well the boys did say something about her being off…’ Tom’s thoughts were cut off when Sam came in,

“We’re starting the game now, come down or else you’ll get put on a shitty team.” He joked, but his smile fell when he saw the upset look on his older brother’s face.

“Wait are you ok, Tom?” Tom looked up, smiled, and nodded. He got up to follow his brother and Sam decided not to press on knowing Tom didn’t want to talk about it.

Tom’s eyebrows furrowed again when he thought, ‘Well this is it. I have to avoid y/n as much as possible, it’s best for the both of us. I never thought things would turn out this way.’

+++

Tag list: @averyfosterthoughts @thollandx @mrsjeffwittek @panicattheeverywherekid @racewife2004 @greatpizzascissorstaco @witchything @wheelertozier @runway-to-my-aid @rafficorn @jessirosebud @peterspideyy 

[astralsweetness]

I can’t be honest (but neither can you) || Changkyun/Reader (m)

➣ I cannot believe this is my first contribution to Monsta X, this is really how I’m entering the writing side of this fandom OTL Also hello idk how to write short summaries?? I proof-read this at 4:30 AM so please tell me if I missed something lol. Fair warning I switch P.O.V.’s often in this and with absolutely no regard to any writing rules

➣ Changkyun/Reader | Angst[?] with a surprisingly happy ending that I didn’t mean to write | Showcases some bad coping mechanisms from both he and the reader | Mentioned Wonho/Reader, but it’s purely platonic in a sexual way | Smut warnings include: mentions of choking, pegging, fingering, mentions of a ruined sexual scene, sort of self-imposed edging if you squint, hair-pulling, facesitting

➣ It’s been almost a year since he called off the relationship and your name still tastes like a mixture between sugar and ash on his tongue when he says it, your picture is still saved in his camera roll, and he’s taken the plunge these last few months to reach out to you to be friends again. His hyungs tell him it’s a bad idea, and he tells them he knows, because he does, really, he swears he does. It’s just that his heart soars when he gets to talk to you and he can’t remember why he was ever scared of letting you in past that last wall he’d put up, and he’s going to your place and he hates himself because instead of “I love you” he says “please fuck me” and even now he can’t be honest to you about his feelings.

“I want you to fuck me.” He’s standing at your door, speaking in English with that deep voice of his, and you just blink blankly at him - he hadn’t called or texted to say he was coming over, and to be completely honest you hadn’t seen him in over a week. The silence is uncomfortable, but his eyes are intense, and he refuses to shift shyly under your blank stare.

“..well, come in I guess.” You invite him in with raised eyebrows - he goes easily, knowing your apartment like his own home. It’s been almost a year since you two broke up, but he hasn’t forgotten anything. That same stupid plant he hated was still on your table. He had no idea how it was still alive.

“So.. we aren’t together anymore, we haven’t hung out in a while, but you decided I’m the person you want to fuck you. Suddenly.” Your tone of voice conveys your lack of belief - this sort of feels like some very strange joke, but you have no idea who’d ever come up with one like this.

“You fuck Wonho-hyung all the time, and you aren’t dating him, so why can’t you fuck me?” His words are said in a rush, the first sign of nervousness, and you cross your arms and cock a hip. It’s your default power-pose, lets you feel like you’re in control when you have no idea what’s going on.

‘Is that really all it is?’ you want to ask, but you stay silent. He doesn’t seem aware that when you’re with Hoseok it’s more for the other man’s emotional well-being than it was just to get laid. Sometimes people needed to be broken apart and pieced back together lovingly just to feel okay. For Hoseok, you were a friend he trusted enough to let break him and then take care of the pieces that remained shattered on the floor.

“If you tell me why then maybe.”

“I’m not doing shit for a maybe.” He fires back instantly, gaze narrowing. His shoulders have tensed and he’s widened his stance, an unconscious reaction to the way your own body language had changed. Whether he actually felt it or not, at a subconscious level he believed he was being threatened.

You step forward and snag him by the forearm - the fight goes out of him instantly, replaced by pure innocent confusion as you lead him to your bed. He notices dully that you’ve redecorated your bedroom - though it makes sense considering he was the one who had helped you liven it up before.

“Sit - and try to relax. All the muscles in your shoulders are tensing up.” Your words have the opposite affect you wanted them to have - he tenses more, seemingly thrown off by your care, your notice of his minute actions.

You watch the way his gaze drifts over your room – it catches and lingers on a group picture of you and the rest of his group, tucked safely into the frame of your vanity mirror.

It’s a nice picture, though you really don’t remember taking it. You’re fairly certain everyone was drunk though, since you’ve got your arm thrown around Minhyuk’s shoulders in it, pressing your cheek against his.

It’s cute, even if looking at it is bittersweet. You can see the question on his face, the ‘why did you keep this?’.

“It’s not like I stopped being friends with them just because we broke up.” You feel defensive over your choice, face heating – you weren’t even near him in the picture, on completely opposite sides in it. He just murmurs a soft “oh” that sounds dejected, and you desperately don’t want to think about it.

“Anyway –“ You’re desperate to move on at this point, and he seems to feel the same because his attention snaps back to you. “You’re not really in a position here to argue and make demands, but fine -“ It was just sex, right? For you, anyway. “I can’t literally right now, I have a class in 30 minutes, but if you tell me why then we can negotiate.” You feel like some sort of fucking dealer.

He seems vaguely surprised you’ve agreed so easily, but he works his jaw and tries to figure out how to explain his reasoning to you - whatever it may be. You let him think and go in search of your computer bag. Online classes were a pain, especially those that required attendance in the form of a webcam. The bag has been thrown into a corner of your room, and you sigh and bend down to begin your annoying search.

“Well, we’re not together anymore, so..” You crane your neck to look at him, even as you continue to rummage through your backpack for your computer cord. Damn thing was in there somewhere, you knew. “I don’t have to worry about what you think of me anymore?”

He finishes his statement with an accidental upwards inflection that turns it into a question, and your hands pause before you turn back around and continue searching, mulling over your word choice carefully. ‘You never had to worry’ sits on your tongue, something that is desperate to be said, but you swallow it back down. He wouldn’t believe you and it’d cool the current mood.

“I see.” You finally settle on, standing and popping your vertebrae back into place as your prize - the fucking charging cord - dangles from your hands. Your two words could convey many meanings, and you can see from your peripheral that his brow has furrowed. It’s not the answer he was expecting, though you think he probably didn’t know what he’d been expecting in the first place. “Then - what is it you want?”

“For you to fuck me.” He answers again, and then swallows as he notices your blank stare has returned.

“I know that, you said that. I meant what specifically are you looking to get out of this?”

“I want it to hurt.” His words make your breath catch in your throat, emotions swinging between vaguely turned on and worried. Sure, he’d had some masochistic tendencies in bed before, but - “I mean - I don’t – not physically -“ He’s switched to Korean in the wake of your silence, a comfort language, and you wonder if he even realizes he’s done it.

“Okay.” You respond simply in Korean back and he stops his rambling, just blinks at you. You see the tension finally start to drain out of his shoulders and switch back to English purely for your own sake, because it was easier, definitely not because you wanted to be able to hear his voice speaking your native language. “So long as you promise to use safewords, I won’t ask. I’m not your therapist and I’m not -“

“My girlfriend.” He finishes your sentence quietly, back to English as well, and your mouth goes dry.

“And I’m not here to judge you.” You remedy - you weren’t going to mention anything about your past relationship, and he looks away quickly at that realization. “You mentioned Hoseok -“ His hand twitches at his side when you call his hyung by his real name, but you mercifully don’t call him on this. Maybe this was a bad idea, but you’ve gone this long purely on the denial that he regrets breaking up with you, and it’s too late to stop that now. “- so I’m going to treat this situation exactly like that.”

“Okay?” Changkyun has no idea what that means, his fingers curling into your bedspread. You check the time - 20 minutes until class.

“I’m your friend, and I want to help you. This doesn’t change anything between us, this doesn’t add some extra dynamic, some extra layer.” Your voice has gone business mode and he’s stiffened his back at it, an ingrained response from being in the music industry for so long. “I’m not doing this just because I want sex - if you are, that’s fine, but I’m just doing this to help you out. Is that clear?” He nods once, eyes wide. You think he’s cute. You’ve always thought he was cute, and it reminds you of how cute turned into smitten and smitten turned into perfection and perfection turned into love and love - well, he ended love. “Changkyun - do you promise this is just about sex or release of some kind and nothing else?”

Your tone had softened, and he’d been let out of whatever thrall your no-nonsense voice had put him into. The question hangs in the air heavily, dripping of a nectar so sweet it’s sickening.

“Yes. I promise.” His voice is hoarse, cracking and quiet - and you think he’s lying.

But you’ve held on to your denial for so long. He had said before that the spark was just gone - and what were you supposed to say to that? It wasn’t his fault; people fell out of love all the time. You could barely believe he’d ever been interested in you from the beginning and you refused to believe you were worth falling in love with for a second time. The fact that you had managed to remain friends is more than you could have ever hoped for.

“Okay.” You repeat his assurance, more for your own benefit than his. The room is quiet, and thunder rolls in the distance. Fuck - a storm meant spotty WiFi for your class.

You check the time again - 15 minutes.

“We can use the stoplight system -“ His gaze has blanked so you take the time to roughly translate it into Korean, explaining until his brow smooths out, and then you’re back to English. “Aside from that, though, I need to know what you’re interested in, what you want to happen or don’t want to happen. You can hang out here if you want during my class, or leave, I don’t care - but take the time to think over what it is you want in this session.” Your words are too clinical, you know this, but you can’t keep yourself from doing it that way. You know most of the things he’s into and not into, but if you don’t take this route then it all feels too intimate. Besides, he’d always kept a very careful hold of how much control he’d let go around you before, never wanting to slip too far into subspace, always wanting to seem in command, even when subbing for you. You wonder if that’s changed. You certainly don’t remember him ever blatantly asking outright to have something done to him before.

Memories flash across your mind eye, his back covered in your scratch marks, the way he moaned brokenly when you pulled on his hair, the way he came when you pressed your fingers to his throat. But he never asked for any of it - you had to ask if it was okay to do to him, and he always brushed off any of your attempts of aftercare.

You swallow again, feeling vaguely sick. Things had been broken in your relationship long before he called it off, but neither one of you wanted to admit it. Your heart hurts for multiple reasons, but when you glance at him out of the corner of your eye you know the biggest one: ‘I hope I didn’t hurt him by not talking about it’.

But he didn’t talk about it either. Did he care about whether it hurt you?

“Is that okay?” He’s been talking to you, and you startle out of your thoughts - a half-formed little smirk dances at the corners of his lips, one eyebrow quirked in amusement. He knows you well enough to know when you’ve been drifting. “I said, I’ll stay here if that’s alright with you.”

“Yeah, it’s fine - sorry, was just.. thinking.” It doesn’t really surprise you that he’s decided to stay - he’s confident to a fault, it’s true, but there’s a slash of shyness that strikes through his character, and you know that if he left he might not be able to come back. The thunder rumbles in agreement.

You half-watch him as you set up your computer on the coffee table – he’s looking around your apartment with thinly veiled curiosity, though you don’t really blame him. It didn’t really look anything like when you two had been together, and yet.. you felt it still had his subtle touch all over it. You wondered if he noticed that.

The class is boring, as it usually is – you’re watching the screen but your mind is far away, listening to your admittedly enthusiastic professor talk about the hyoid bone and articulations while your focus is on Changkyun. He lingers around you with a nervous type of energy, clearly not feeling allowed to roam around your apartment (it’d be kind of weird if he had, you admit) but also not feeling comfortable enough to sit on the couch next to you, even if he would have been off camera.

It’s almost like it was before, and you half expect him to sit down next to you anyway and throw his arm around your shoulder, always just off-screen, sitting next to you during your classes while he amused himself with his phone, just so he could be near you.

You’re just about to be able to feel the phantom warmth from the memory of his arm around you before he coughs and you startle, eyes snapping to him – he looks back wide-eyed, not understanding your surprise but murmuring a quiet apology anyway.

God you were so fucked.

.｡..｡.

“So?” The instant your class had ended you’d snapped the computer lid shut – you hadn’t retained a single thing said, what a complete waste. It wouldn’t have mattered if you’d skipped and focused on Changkyun in the end after all. “Did you decide on what you wanted?”

You’re so flippant with your question that he feels like he’s being asked about what it is he wants to eat instead of how he wants to have sex – the entire hour of your class he’d been nervous, and those nerves had by now tightened into a very tight ball at the base of his spine that periodically sent white-hot flames licking along his muscles.

“I –“ His mouth is so fucking dry and he hates how small he suddenly feels – he’d never felt like this around you before, but usually it had always been you asking if you could do something to him, hadn’t it? “I said it earlier. I want you to fuck me.”

He watches your reaction with pin-point precision – the small widening of your eyes, the way your gaze darts to the side like it always did when you were thinking something over – it wasn’t like you hadn’t ever fucked him before, but he’d never asked you to do so, and you clearly hadn’t expected him to come out with something like that so easily.

Why the hell could he say something like that and not something as simple as ‘I love you’, or even ‘I miss you’?

“Okay.” You’ve wrested your thoughts back under control – it wasn’t fair of him to say something like that, looking so utterly and effortlessly attractive. “As long as there’s no kissing I’ll fuck you any way you like, Changkyun.” You were over him and he was over you and this was just sex.

If you said it enough you’d start to believe it, right?

Changkyun just nods at your terms, looking a bit despondent – you can’t help the strong surge within you that says to fix it, fix whatever upset him, but you have a feeling you knew already. He’d always been a bit fixated on kissing you, but you knew if you let him this time then it’d all be over.

“I don’t remember you ever falling this far into the ‘submissive’ side of things, Changkyun.” You’re desperate to regain the upper-hand, and he flushes a bright red at your comment, grumbling out a weak “shut up” that has you smiling.

“Have you been experimenting?” You’re still teasing him but he bristles at the insinuation that he would have been with anyone after you – you had no reason to think he hadn’t been but the mere thought of being with anyone other than you makes him ache deep in his chest, in his soul.

“No.” He tries to keep his voice calm, but it wavers still and he digs his fingernails into the soft leather of his belt, pausing. “I haven’t been with anyone since –“

He can’t say it, but you understand regardless – he doesn’t like how surprised you look, ducks his head and lets his hair obscure his view of you as he refocuses on undressing. It’s not that you’d been wrong to be surprised with his decision for today, either – before you, he’d never really definitively considered himself particularly dominant or submissive, happy with having the choice to be either at the drop of a hat. That changed with you though – you had been so uncompromising with your power, beautiful and self-assured, and he knew without a doubt that if you so much as even hinted at it he would be on his knees for you every single time.

Not that he had ever told you that, of course. He’d never told you anything he really wanted to. Even now, with you looking at him softly, trying to see if you’d crossed a line with your little teasing jabs, the words ‘I’m happy being this for you’ get stuck in his throat and all he can do is tug his shirt over his head wordlessly, fingernails clicking nervously at his belt as he undoes it. You pretend not to notice the way your heartrate accelerates as he reveals his body bit by bit to you, slender waist but powerful figure, beautiful skin, beautiful body.

“Well, then – lie down.” You gesture to your bed and he swallows down the stupid fucking butterflies he gets at the gesture – he’d been on your bed before, he’d been in this position before, there was absolutely nothing to be nervous about.

And still, despite his nerves, a pleasurable chill runs down his spine when he hears the cap of the lube being clicked open, and he forces himself to exhale as he shifts and tries to get comfortable on a comforter he no longer recognized, in a room that had no trace of him in it anymore.

You look at him with a level gaze, always so calm, and he ignores the erratic beating of his heart and nods his assent for you to begin, immediately shifting his gaze to your ceiling.

Why the fuck was he so goddamn nervous?

(He tries to forget the way he instantly whimpers when he feels your finger, slick with lube, probing at his rim, tries to forget the way he gets hard in under a minute from your heavy gaze and one finger alone, and god he aches for more, aches for anything you’re willing to give him.)

“You’re taking this awfully well.” The teasing comes out unbidden, spilling past your lips before you can even think about the words – but it’s true, for someone who had claimed to not have been with anyone since you he was taking your fingers incredibly well.

“My own hands – fuck – exist..” His snarky response turns into a shaky moan halfway through when you decide to carefully – but quickly – add a third finger. There’s something erotic (and interesting) to you about that, thinking over the fact that Changkyun had been finger-fucking himself ever since you two broke up.

“You look good like this.” It’s an attempt to make up for the previous teasing but all it does is cause him to groan and throw a forearm over his eyes, legs spreading wider when you hit that spot deep inside.

“Fuck, jesus – fuck..” It’s a broken sob instead of an actual sentence (though he manages to stick with English), a familiar feeling already building deep in his gut. He’s not sure if it’s because it’s been so long since he’d been fingered by someone else or if it’s because it’s you doing it, complimenting him while doing so, or if it’s a combination of everything, but his back arches against his will and he knows he is seconds away from coming undone already.

“Stop – stop, oh my god –“ At his desperate plea you stop moving completely and he wants to sob as the pleasurable feeling slowly ebbs away, an almost painful drag as it settles back into a dull burn. He’s gasping, tiny whimpering sounds as he sucks breath back into his lungs, chest heaving – his eyes are wide, fingers curling into your comforter. He looks frantic, frightened almost, and even if it wasn’t your responsibility you knew you’d be desperate to fix it.

“Changkyun, ar –“

“I’m fine.” He bites it out angrily, doing his absolute best to look like he had been anything but moments away from an orgasm five minutes into.. whatever this was. He’s shutting you out again, before anything even begins, and it fills you with such an irrational anger that you have to suck in a breath of your own to keep from lashing out, taking gentle care to extract your fingers even as your blood boils.

“Stop fucking lying to me.” You can’t keep the ice from your words, even if you manage to control the volume and pitch – his dark eyes snap from the ceiling to you in surprise. There’s a panicked feeling bubbling up in his chest, because he really doesn’t know if he can handle you calling him on his true feelings for you right now, doesn’t want to have to admit he still loves you while he’s naked and so vulnerable.

“I’m not –“

“Stop it.” His mouth shuts with an audible click of his teeth, so sudden is your cut-in. Your brow has smoothed out, no longer angry, instead immensely sad, and he’s not sure this is any better. “You said you wanted to do this because you didn’t have to worry about my opinion. So why are you still doing it?”

He can’t breathe, and the lube is drying sticky on your fingers, and for a moment neither of you are aware of the position you’re in, the way the thunder has become your constant background music – he’s looking at you unblinkingly and you’re staring back, and it’s too intimate, too much, but neither of you look away.

“Please stop.” He speaks and it’s barely a whisper, the sound of someone’s heart breaking louder than his voice. You don’t know what to say but open your mouth anyway.

Lightning flickers outside your bedroom window and then your apartment is shaking from the resounding thunder, the power flickering and then plunging the two of you into darkness. Suddenly you can breathe again, and you’re quickly trying to slide out from in between his legs because he said ‘stop’ and he was fully coherent even if he hadn’t said ‘red’, because he said ‘stop’ and you have only ever wanted him comfortable.

“Wait –“ He is frantic, grabs your forearm with frigid fingers as he leans half off your bed to catch you from retreating too far. It’s hard to see him but you get flashes from the light outside your window, electricity reflecting off his dark eyes in starbursts.

“You said to stop.” Your voice is broken and you feel so powerless, sick inside because while you rarely manage to ruin a scene it still tears you up inside each time, and Changkyun wouldn’t let you try to fix it with aftercare and you don’t know what to do anymore.

“I meant –“ Stop talking, stop laying me bare and open, just fuck me and make me forget everything, stop being you so I can stop loving you. “I just want to be ruined.” He says instead, and his voice is so low but so weak that you barely recognize it.

“I can’t do that if you don’t let me.” Your clean fingers curl around his and gently pry them from your arm – but then you keep holding them, and you want to let go but you can’t remember how to tell your body to do so. “Will you let me, Changkyun?”

The air is still and silent aside from the rain slashing angrily at your windows – there is no thunder, your own heartbeat loud enough (or maybe it was his, you didn’t know anymore).

“I want to.” He answers instead, voice quiet but a bit stronger than before, and your eyes have adjusted so you can see the features of his face vaguely now, follow the line of his brow to his cheek to his lips, and you’re leaning in and you hate yourself because you had promised this was the one thing you wouldn’t do.

“Let me wreck you then, baby.” And oh that nickname was a mistake but you’d said it anyway, a ghost of a whisper against his lips, a proposition and a plea all in one. He moves forward the last centimeter and connects your lips as an answer, a sound that is almost one of pure relief being ripped from his throat.

It’s like he’s been waiting years for this moment, doesn’t even fight as you grip his jaw lightly and angle him into a better position so you can scope out the inside of his mouth with your tongue, relearning things you had known long ago but had thought were forgotten.

There’s a flighty feeling in his chest, one of nervousness and expectation – he doesn’t want to give you control so easily, he doesn’t want to be opened and laid bare in front of you, he doesn’t want you to see something you dislike in him – but more than anything he wants you to touch him and keep kissing him and god he fucking misses you, has missed this. He’d asked you to ruin him, you’d asked to wreck him, but he knew he was already both ruined and wrecked just from being near you again, from having your lips on his own.

You try to slide your hands back down his body but he stops you, continues to kiss you as his fingers curl around your own, and the act is so intimate it almost feels wrong.

“Just – hurry up, I’m ready enough.” He manages to say scattered between four different kisses, never apart from your lips for more than a few seconds. You hate yourself for not even trying to stop him, leaning into them each time.

“You can stretch yourself some more while I get ready.” You have to pull away from him completely to say this, and he follows you like you’ve got some magnetic pull on him before you’re off of the bed and the connection is broken.

Even with your eyes adjusted it’s hard to properly get the harness on, fingers fumbling with the straps but managing in the end. You can hear him breathing harsh, anticipating – you can tell from the sounds alone that he hadn’t taken your advice, but you’re not surprised. Always your little pain slut, even if he had never wanted to admit it.

When you approach him again his eyes are wide, brow furrowing as he notices you’re still fully clothed – he keeps his mouth shut tight though, gaze darting in the dark. The storm still rages on outside but neither of you even notice it anymore.

Your fingers on the inside of his thigh startle him – he jumps, trying to close his legs, but you force them back open again. Something about that simple action makes a moan trickle into his throat, but he swallows it back down stubbornly.

He can’t conceal the next sound he makes when you press the blunt tip of the strap-on to his opening, though, a rasping whine as you push in slowly, so fucking slowly. Even with all the lube he knew you’d slathered over the toy it still takes a bit of work to get it into him, and every slight stretch makes him grit his teeth in a masochistic type of pleasure, feeling so full by the end that it makes him so painfully hard his head spins. It hadn’t taken long to get him worked back up, but he’s not really thinking about that right now.

All he knows is that he wants to be close to you, wants to feel good, wants to make you happy – he wants so much that he doesn’t think he can even begin to put any of it into words. It always ends up at ‘I love you’ and he already knew that was a phrase that lodged in his throat like knives.

“Please.” This he can say – you don’t know what he’s begging for but he’s begging all the same, the word ‘please’ becoming a chant that slowly shifts back into his native tongue when teeth mark his throat, fingertips pressing insistently into his hips as you fuck him hard and rough. He hopes, distantly, that it bruises. He wants to be able to remember this for as long as possible.

If he was present enough in the moment he might have been embarrassed by the sounds he was making – his naturally deep voice has transformed completely into high breathy whines, all trace of his ‘savage rapper’ persona gone when you bite his lip hard enough it throbs before you’re flipping him, pushing his shoulders down into the bed with one hand.

The feeling of your palm, small but blindingly warm on his back, makes him weak enough that his thoughts stutter, head a chaotic mess of fractured thoughts and sensations. His eyes are open but unfocused – it’s dark in the room anyway, but he’s unaware of it, cognizant only of your presence and his, that warm fuzzy feeling in his chest competing with the white-hot fire you were stoking lower in his pelvis.

You want to cry at how beautiful and perfect he is for you, the way he arches his back instinctively, presents himself as your own personal plaything – but he wasn’t yours, you had to remember that, remind yourself over and over that this was just sex. (If you repeated it enough it started to stop sounding like real words, and that was equally as dangerous as forgetting them in the first place.)

The head of the strap-on teases his entrance and he groans, clenching his fists into your pillow – you’d taken it out when you’d flipped him and he was fighting against every fucking urge and want and need his body was screaming at him to just take the plunge and force himself backwards. (But another part of his brain is telling him to wait, to make you happy, to draw this out as long as fucking possible because he has no idea if he’ll ever get to experience it again.)

“Can you tell me what you want?” Your voice is soft as silk, quiet, and a fluttery feeling rises up in his stomach at the sound, at how you’ve modified an order to be a request. He doesn’t know how he feels at the realization that you were taking it ‘easier’ on him verbally, that you had at some point come to understand he was having trouble letting go completely.

“I –“ He tries, he really fucking does, but like always the words get stuck in his throat. He just can’t seem to bring himself to admit what he really wants out loud and it is destroying him. One of your hands smooths down his side, lingering at his hip, and he feels like you’ve left behind a line of pure fire on his skin, almost burning away the shame and hatred he feels at himself for his fucking inability to be vulnerable, his cowardice.

“Just fuck me.” He says instead, defeat coating his words – and he can feel you hesitating, because it was obvious he’d meant to say something else and hadn’t.

He opens his mouth to say something, though he has no idea what, at the same instant you decide to slide the strap-on back into him. Whatever he’d been planning to do is gone from his mind instantly, his world reduced to just the dull burn, the frustratingly slow drag against his innermost walls, the way you manage to somehow brush up against the spot that has him trembling and dropping to his forearms. He curses in a strange mixture of Korean and English and you laugh softly at the sound, even as you slide out and thrust back into him hard enough that he jolts forward.

He feels, in a sense, like he is being broken in all the best ways – all he can focus on is you, all he can feel is the way you’re fucking him, grabbing at his hips. His breath is caught in his throat and he just knows he is going to ache later, bone-deep and satisfying.

But it’s not enough, never enough – you’re not asking to do more to him like you had in the past and he can’t manage to tell you what he desires most (though, at this point, he’s not totally sure he could say anything coherent anyway). He reaches back with one hand, groping – your fingers wrap around his and he drags them up to his hair, a wordless plea. He hopes you understand what he’s asking for.

A broken moan is ripped from his throat when you fist your hand in dark strands and pull backward, forcing him into an arch – his mind has blanked into varying shades of white, electricity on his skin and molten lava running through his veins, your heat against his back overwhelming.

You know it’s a bad idea before you do it, but you lean down and press you lips to his shoulder anyway, teeth scraping over feverish skin – the hoarse whine he gives at the feeling makes wetness pool between your legs, uncomfortable and wrong because this was just sex, this was just supposed to be for him.

The urge to mark him up is so strong it’s almost distracting – your hips falter in the bruising pace you’d set as your mind drifts, Changkyun groaning at the sudden shift in speed.

“Let me –“ He’s gasping, feels like he’s been running a fucking marathon or drowning (and oh, he has, drowning in you, in his expansive and terrifying feelings for you) but he knows your hips have to be sore by now and to be completely honest he is just downright greedy, wanting to feel you deep inside, wanting to –

He just wants so much. He reaches back to press at you gently and you let him move you instantly, trying to figure out what had bothered him – as soon as you realize he just wants a change in position you’re grabbing at his hips again, tugging him over your legs. His cock drags against the fabric of your shorts and he nearly sucks in a breath, trying to focus on lining himself up instead of the way it throbbed (or the way you were looking at him, hair splayed out on the pillow and yet so in command still).

He thinks he should feel more in control like this, on top of you, hands braced on your shoulders – but he doesn’t, not at all, and he knows instantly that he isn’t when you snap your hips up to meet his and he falls onto you, moan vibrating against the skin of your neck. He can feel your fingers in his hair, nails scraping against his scalp, can feel the infuriatingly teasing way his cock is rubbing up against your fucking shirt you never took off. It’s gone untouched for so long that it’s absolutely aching by now and he thinks he might actually be able to orgasm like this – but he doesn’t want to, not yet, even with how border-line painful its become. He doesn’t want this to end, doesn’t want to have to go back to a world without you in it.

His hips stutter on top of yours when you tug on his hair again, grinding hard against the strap-on, and you lift his face high enough you can press your lips to his, all hot breath and panted moans. He tastes of honey and heartbreak and you want nothing more than to make him cum and fall apart, trembling, on top of you.

“Am I ruining you properly, baby?” Your voice is dark red and sinful, and he trembles at the sound and tries to seek out your lips again, a whine lodged in his throat when you tighten your grip on his hair and keep him in place, rolling your hips languidly up to meet his frantic movements. “Tell me.”

“Fuck..” He responds instead, deep and rough in his chest – it cracks into a high moan when you punish him with a harsh upwards thrust, fingers curling into your shoulders. Your soft laugh, amused or delighted he’s not sure, makes a feeling like electric butterflies break out across his skin. If you had let go of his hair he’d have buried his face into your neck again to hide his expression – but you haven’t, and he knows you can see everything, every part of him, every expression he makes.

He thinks he must look stupid, embarrassing – but all you see is pure beauty. His brow has furrowed and sweat drips down to his collarbones, bruised lips parted slightly, glistening from where you’d kissed him earlier. Hazy eyes try to look anywhere but your face failingly, allowing you to see the foggy galaxy residing in their darkness. You’re not sure if what you’re seeing is his pupil or iris, but you find it gorgeous all the same, intoxicating.

“I’m going to make you cum, Kyunnie.” He shakes at your dangerous words, your knife-sharp gaze. You’re aware he never responded to your last question. “You’ll fall apart up there, ruined, just like you asked to be.”

Your words wrap around him, coiling tightly like chains – he feels caught, trapped, and he wants nothing more than for you to make good on your word, even if it sends a sharp trill of fear through his stomach.

The grip on his hair lets go suddenly and he sags forward, as if your pull on him had been all that was keeping him upright. He’s left a mess of pre-cum on your shirt, flushes a dark red when you drag your fingers through it thoughtfully.

“Messy boy..” You muse, heat spreading through you when you see the way his cock jerks at those two simple words, so red and aching, so fucking beautiful and desperate.

Fuck, you wanted so badly for him to be yours.

One of his hands flies to your wrist when you finally wrap your fingers around him – more of his weight is on you now but you can’t find it in yourself to mind, not with the way he’s breathing hot and wet against your neck, the way he doesn’t stop you when you move your hand, just clings to your arm desperately like he’s not totally sure he wants to be touched yet.

A choked sound leaves his mouth, lips bitten bloody, and you turn your head so you can breathe against his ear, let him press his face further into your neck. “Such a little whore..” You murmur, and he sobs open-mouthed against your skin and thrusts weakly into your fingers and then back onto the strap-on, unsure of which feeling he wanted more of. “So beautiful. So perfect.”

A part of him feels like he’s dying, unsure if he was really okay with being so vulnerable with you – but another part of him, the larger part, feels like he is fucking soaring, like this is all he had ever wanted and more. There are flames licking at his body, coiling tighter and tighter in his stomach, and he’s not sure how much longer he can last like this.

“You can fall, Changkyun.” Your voice is in his ear, like the sound of silk sliding over skin, fingernails tracing lightly along the back of his neck. He hates the way he reacts so viscerally to it, climax surging forward at the sound, at the way your fingers slide wetly over the head of his cock pinned in between the two of you. “It’ll be okay, you can fall to pieces. I’ll catch you.”

He orgasms with a wail that makes him flush a dark red, and he would have been mortified at the sound if every nerve ending in his body wasn’t currently sparking, his muscles spasming as he tries to keep thrusting into your fist even as the lightning bolt sensations turn from overwhelming to painful. He doesn’t even realize tears have slipped from his eyes until he feels your lips kissing them away, and he is hit with such a wave of emotion that he can’t breathe all over again (and it is just pure emotion, he couldn’t identify a single one of them if he tried).

After you slowly pulled out and settle him on the blankets he watches, distractedly, as you slide the straps down over your hips, leaving it on the floor to be dealt with later. Impulsively he reaches out to catch the edge of your shorts when you try to head to the bathroom, tongue sliding over chapped lips when you turn that powerful, beautiful gaze of yours on him. One of your eyebrows has raised, appraising him as he slowly tugs you back to the bed until you’re resting on your knees next to his waist. Sweat is drying sticky on his skin and he’s trying not to feel like he’d done something wrong, reacted in some undesirable way that you’d remember and relate to him for the rest of your life - but above all that, he wants to taste you. It’s the only consistent thought running through his mind, more prevalent than the lingering unease at having bared so much of himself to you.

“Please.” Again, it’s all he can say, eyes so dark and wide, pleading – his fingertips rest lightly on your hip, over the waistband of your shorts, lips parted ever so slightly. It’s so obvious what he’s asking for, and you want to say no. You’re pretty sure you need to say no. “Babe –“

You surge forward to cut him off mid-sentence with a brutal kiss and he gasps – you didn’t want to hear that, and you can tell from the way he’s frozen that he hadn’t meant to say it, even as his body returns the kiss on pure muscle memory alone. This entire experience had been a mess, a mistake, and yet –

“Okay.” It’s more a breath against his mouth than a word, but the way he smiles at your soft agreeance makes your heart hurt. You were in so deep, had fallen so far – how foolish of you to think you had been over him. How fucking stupid you’d been.

He wastes no time, pulling your shorts and underwear down like he’d done it hundreds of times before – because he had, you note dully – fingers wrapping around your thighs. When you sink down onto his face a tension drains out of his body that neither of you had even noticed was still lingering.

All he can smell is you, all he can taste is you – you surround him and this is all he’s ever fucking wanted, to be possessed by you, to be as close to you as possible. He’s not even totally sure what he’s doing aside from the fact that he’s putting his absolute all into it – he’s just trying to taste every inch of you he can, tongue delving as deep as possible before switching to suck on your clit. There’s no rhyme or reason to his method and it has you letting out a quiet sigh that borders on a gasp. He tries to memorize the sound instantly – any sound he could get out of you was a treasure in itself, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever get to hear them again after this.

There is no particular build-up to your orgasm – it’s at first lingering briefly bone-deep and then suddenly it is upon you in streaks of lightning, hips grinding against his face but mouth stubbornly shut. You can’t let this be any more intimate than it already was. (And yet you instinctively reach down and lace your fingers with his, and his thumb smooths across the back of your hand as he continues to mouth at your cunt, drink up your fluids. You are so utterly and completely stupid, your heart in your throat.)

There is a moment you want to carve out afterwards, a small bubble in time where the two of you could just bask in the afterglow and pretend like nothing had changed from a year ago – but you can’t let yourself do that, pushing yourself up off the bed even as every fiber of you begs to remain beside him for a moment longer. His fingers remain holding yours a moment too long before dropping to your bedspread, defeated.

Your heart suddenly felt like it was three sizes too big for your body, filled to the brim with love for a man you knew you’d have no second chance with, and you clench your teeth tightly to keep it from oozing out between your teeth like bittersweet sugar.

He’s still panting when you return with a damp cloth, reaches for it as if he really expects you to make him clean himself off. You scoff and catch his hand with your own, setting it back down on the bed as you begin to clean off his face first. Whether you wanted to avoid intimacy or not there were things you simply refused to throw to the wayside just because you wanted to remain distant, and one of those was taking care of him after sex. (He’s more receptive this time than he used to be, not fighting you and claiming he was fine, letting you dote on him with a sort of hesitant and soft acceptance. It makes your heart hurt all the more, the pure ache and want almost unbearable.)

“You’re always so messy..” It’s meant to be a light comment but the two of you accidentally lock gazes when you say it, your hand stalling in its motions. He looks like he wants to say something, lips parting – your breath catches in your throat, waiting, but he ultimately just shuts his mouth, gaze darting away from you. Your breath leaves you in a small burst. “Just relax, Kyun, I’ve got you.”

It’s the typical words you say to a sub after an intense session (with an accidental affectionate nickname that you bite the inside of your cheek for), but you mean them, and you don’t want to, but you do, irrevocably. You know that if he needed it, if he asked for it, you would let him stay here for as long as he wanted. You knew that tonight you wouldn’t be asking him to leave. And for that you are so, so incredibly fucked. (You wonder if he is too, judging from the way his eyes widen at the nickname and his breath stutters – but you crush that thought instantly, don’t dare to get your hopes up.)

He’s surprised that you take the time to clean him up, bring him water and a change in clothes – they aren’t his but they’re clearly a man’s, and he wonders if they belong to Hoseok considering the size. Something deep in his chest hurts at that thought. He’s even more surprised when you pull on an oversized shirt instead of telling him to leave – he faintly realizes that he recognizes it, a soft violet that hung down to your lower thighs and always felt soft against his chest when he’d hold you – crawling into bed next to him after changing into it, though he’s automatically moving to accommodate you, perfectly content to throw the thick comforter to the floor to be dealt with in the morning.

“Is.. this okay?” Your voice is quiet, so tentative and soft and hesitant, and all he wants to do is tell you yes, this was more than okay, this was everything he had ever wanted.

“Yeah – I mean, it’s your bed, so..” He hates himself for the way he responds, swallowing hard but taking the initiative to slide his arm over your side, nose in your hair. He can feel the way you tense, but you don’t say anything against it or try to pull away. “And.. this? It’s okay too?”

“…it’s okay.” It’s a small response but he inhales deeply in relief, drinking in your scent half by accident. It’s the same smell he had missed for so long, the one he’d dream of and wake up thinking there was a chance it still lingered on his pillow, heart dropping through his ribcage when he realized it wasn’t.

Despite the nerves fluttering in your stomach you fall asleep fast, mentally drained and physically exhausted - his fingers trace the line of your shoulder, head pillowed on his own arm as he watches you sleep. There is a purely warm and happy feeling trying to spread through his body, but it doesn’t make it very far before the remembrance that you still weren’t his and he still wasn’t yours freezes it in its tracks. He feels like his heart is melting, dripping through his ribs and oozing into his stomach and making him sick.

He’s shaking your shoulder before he even knows what he’s doing, and you’re half-awake and groggy but so fucking beautiful and every single one of his nerves feels like a live wire underneath his skin, buzzing and loud and painful, and he is so scared, but he is also tired. Tired of hurting, tired of missing you, tired of the way Kihyun will be talking about you but stop awkwardly when he notices Changkyun listening, tired of the way he smiles so big his cheeks hurt when the two of you talk on the phone, tired of how he swallows down the words “love you” every time you hang up – and he’s fucking tired of being scared most of all.

“Changkyun, you better be fucking dying..” You’re angry, always angry when woken suddenly, and he just wants to kiss you.

‘I love you, I’m stupid, I was scared, I always loved you, I never fucking stopped, did you know I would dream of you? Did you know that you were the only thing on my mind? On plane rides, in the vans, backstage, all I could think about was you and my hyungs all told me I was just hurting myself and I knew that but I still hoped that somehow you and I would end up happy together.’

Like always he can’t say any of it. It sits on his tongue and he just utters a quiet ‘fuck’ instead, throat tight. Why couldn’t he fucking do this?

“..Kyun?” He’s sitting up now, and you are too, side by side – your expression is open, sleepy but worried, and he has a sudden urge to take your face in his hands and kiss your eyelids.

The scariest part of telling the truth, of laying yourself bare for someone, of letting them in, was that they could take one look and never come back. And maybe he’s not afraid of loving you – maybe he’s never been afraid of loving you, with your eyes that hold the only stars he ever wants to look at. Maybe he’s been afraid of not being loved back.

He swallows hard, reaches for every bit of confidence and courage performing has ever given him, forces himself to be brave the way the industry has taught him to be. Moonlight filters in through the window and he thinks your eyes might actually house the milky way in them somehow.

“I love you, still – always. I never stopped.”

He can’t breathe because you’re just looking at him, stunned and disbelieving, tears collecting on your lash-line but not falling, never falling, and he feels like the fucking worst for telling you now, this way, this bluntly – but he knows if he didn’t say anything he would have never said anything, and he’s not sure he could have survived that, so the words had fallen from his lips hard and heavy and desperate to be said. (And a part of him is still surprised he even managed to say them at all, rushed and frantic as they were.)

“I –“ Your brow is furrowed and your voice is thick, but when he reaches to brush your tears away you let him and his lungs start to tentatively fill themselves with oxygen again.

When you smile it is watery and weak but it is there, and he feels like sunlight has reappeared in the lining of his skin, bright and blinding and warm.

[aaronhart93]

text || alison & aaron

Discord text thread featuring: aaron & @alison-haynes

When: december 16

Mentions: @quentindelancret​ @ronnieroy @wtf-eden @lemonkiaiyo

Description: aaron spills his guts about quentin to alison and alison asks aaron for advice about lemon 

TW: -

Alison.

I know you’re spending the night Christmas Eve, so we can do Christmas morning together. Do you want to stay for Christmas dinner? Or are you heading to your moms?

Aaron.

maybe I’ll ask my mom and Ireland to your place?

by the way. Eden and Ronnie are staying with me for a bit. Just so you know who’s here when Des is here. Ronnie’s apartment was broken into and Eden needs some space from her boyfriend

Alison.

yes, that’s fine with me! I’d love to have them here.

I love Eden and Ronnie. Thanks for letting me know though. Are they both doing okay?

Aaron.

Ronnie is shaken up and Eden is just stressed. I think it’s good for them to be together though lol they’re something else when they’re together

Alison.

Well they are lucky to have you helping them out

Aaron.

also

I have another thing to tell you

like get off my chest

don’t judge me plz

Alison.

oh boy

go for it

Aaron.

so I um

remember when I told you about Quentin and how I wanted him to meet Des and you told me to figure out how I feel about him

well

it unfortunately hit me up side the head after the holiday party. I know he’s in love with me and I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him. Thing is...last night I took him out for his birthday at throuple. Some of our friends were there including Roman and I snuck off to get drunk and flirt with Roman AT Q’S BDAY PARTY. And I feel soooo terrible about it

Alison.

*ugh emoji*

if you’re in love with him, do you want it to turn into something,

Aaron.

hey I told you you couldn’t judge me

I’m not sure.

no I like being single

Alison.

I’m not judging

How do you love someone and not want to do something about it?

Aaron.

a lot of reasons

I love my freedom and being single

and I don’t want to hurt him. I think it might be better for us to just stay the way we are and not put any restrictive label on it

Alison.

I don’t know. If I loved someone, i think it’d probably hurt more to not be together.

but it’s a relationship between you guys, you know what’s best for your two

Aaron.

i don’t know. But I haven’t exactly told him how I feel

and at the holiday party...we were getting really intimate. Like. We’ve had sex before obviously but it felt so much more intense this time

and then I pushed him off of me like a dick because I couldn’t handle it

Alison.

are you going to tell him how you feel?

Yikes...that’s tough. Have you been intimate with him since?

Aaron.

if you count drunk sex as intimacy then yes

and no. i mean...i dont know...if i do things will change with us

Alison.

I feel like things are going to change either way

Aaron.

explaiiinnn

Alison.

with what happened at the holiday party, I feel like that could happen again. If you love him, sex is going to be intense and what if you just can’t have sex with him anymore?  Maybe if your feelings are out there it will make things easier

Aaron.

i cant imagine a world where i can't have sex with him lmao

Alison.

well it’s happened once before, it could just get more intense

Aaron.

https://media.tenor.co/videos/0d5495d03063a544f7f621e8c6a978e6/mp4

Alison. 

just trying to be honest with you

Aaron.

i know

thats why im coming to you with this

Alison.

ultimately it’s your decision, I just feel like if your feelings are on the table it might be better.

Aaron.

im afraid of admitting that to him though

Alison.

are you afraid of it destroying everything? Or afraid of what might come of it?

Aaron.

both

Alison.

I think you should think about it. Like truly think about it. Telling him might have a better outcome than you think it will

Aaron.

ugh okay i hear you

doesnt mean im gonan do it though

Alison.

at least think about it

Aaron.

i hear you, respectfully disagree, but hear you

loll

Alison.

you were scared to start a relationship with Eden when that started up, and that went well. So just remember, relationships aren’t terrible.

Aaron.

it went well bc we acted more like best friends than lovers

Alison.

think about it

Aaron.B

but you're right it wasn't a terrible relationship

okay

ellie is gonna take Des to piano today btw. am i picking her up or are you

Alison.

I can pick her up

also can we talk about that weather on Sunday? Did you know it was supposed to snow?

Aaron.

no clue

hope you stayed warm lmfao

Alison.

I did

I was not expecting to be locked in all day on my birthday though

Aaron.

yeah but im sure you loved an excuse to stay in

im just glad the babysitter was able to keep Des for longer

Alison.

It was a nice day for sure. Best birthday I’ve had in a while

I thought the same thing about the twins. I was stresssing over the thought of the nanny bringing them home in the storm

Aaron.

im glad they're okay

were you alone....or

Alison.

no I wasn’t alone

Aaron.

explainnn

Alison.

Lemon wanted to walk me home from the party, and when we got back I invited him up for coffee and we just talked.....and talked and talked. Next thing I knew it was morning and we were snowed in together

Aaron.

ya'll had cofffffeeeeeeee after a party at a bar?? lmao

Alison.

yes yes we did

no judgement Aaron

Aaron.

hey.

No judgement

just a questionnnnnn

Alison.

it was a great cup of coffee

but speaking about lemon, I need your advice on something

Aaron.

hahaha okay hit me!!

Alison.

1. Do you think I should make a move and ask him to maybe be official? Or should I wait to see if he makes that move?

2. I should keep Christmas gifts for him not too crazy, right? You know I love to spoil people at Christmas

Aaron.

you just met this man like two weeks ago. Less than that. Are you sure you’ve gotten to know him well enough to make it official? What if hes like a murdered or something?

definitely don’t make it crazy. Especially since you’re well off and he’s not. But you could probably buy him some nice things!!

Alison.BOTToday at 3:00 PM

Has it really only been a couple weeks? It feels like it has been longer than that. I can’t explain it Aaron, but something feels right about him. Like, there is something there that I didn’t even feel with the twins father. I know it’s fast, but I just have these feelings that I know I won’t be able to shake anytime soon. Also, he’s too sweet to be a murderer so I’ve ruled that option out. Plus, the world already thinks we’re together, someone shared a photo online of us kissing at the holiday party and paps caught lemon coming into my pent that night

I’m struggling to come up with good ideas for him. I’ve written something for him, and he was telling me about this flower from his native island,  I was thinking about doing research and trying to get him some of those flowers. Is that weird? It’s probably weird.

I don’t want to weird him out

Aaron.

okay well you can't really fairly compare him to the twins' father. he sucks. for like 2345 different reasons. so that not really a great comparison. the pap photos don't surprise me though. have u talked to him about that? like...ngl getting papped for being alison haynes' life takes a lot of getting used to. even for me, and i already had some exposure with rich kids. what did you write for him???? i wanna hear. i think the song and the flower would suffice as a christmas gift, especially considering he might make something for you too ya know?? the flower thing isnt weird, it's really really thoughtful.

Alison.

but I didn’t think he was a tool when I dated him. I thought he was the person I’d spend my entire life with. We all know the truth behind him now. But there is just something I feel for Lemon that I need to explore. We talked a little bit about it at the holiday party after he kissed me, but I did text him today about all of it. Because we’re trending on Twitter. I told him I’d make a public statement and shut it down if that is what he wants. But I’m waiting to hear back from him. I really hope it doesn’t scare him off, but I do know we need to talk about it because it is a lot. I haven’t recorded it yet, but I’ll play it for you next time I see you. You think so? I just don’t want to seem weird.

Aaron.

i think you need to see how he feels about that honestly...because that could be a big thing for him. especially since he grew up so modestly...hes so not used to that

the flower is probably way more thoughtful of a gift that i would ever think of

Alison.

I know. Of course I am going to talk to him about it before I do anything crazy. I'm just nervous it's too much, its too much for a lot of people.

Aaron.

it is, yeah. but i really hope it works out

im gonna have to have a stern talking to him though

Alison.

i do too

oh boy, not the big bad aaron stern talk

Aaron.

tell him to be afraid lmao

Alison.

i'll warn him

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

(っ◔◡◔)っ 𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕌𝕡♡

hii,, hope you two are doing well uwu. ok so far, ive only been requesting stuff n i figured might as well just ask for a matchup too lol,,,for knb, haikyuu, free, and fire force (i know ur rules said only 3 so it can be any three from those 4 lol) 

my name’s lily and uh basic stuff..i’m a female high school student around 156cm maybe 157 on a good day;3 im bi but with more of a preference for guys (who are tall, like as long as ur a tall guy/girl whatever, i will prolly automatically start simping akdhfj) 

i have long black hair that’s usually straight but on a slightly wavy side. my skin’s like a light-ish brown and my eyes are chocolate brown,, or so i’m told. i’m on the more busty side and would say i’m fairly curvy(?) but my grandma keeps saying i’m skinny and need to eat more:))speaking of eating, its like absolutely one of my favorite things ever lolol (so yeah kinda contradictory lol)

according to a test i did i’m ESTP-A altho i don’t rlly know much about personality types so i can’t say for sure if that’s accurate. even tho i’m usually extroverted i can be pretty introverted a times to so(?) ambivert(?) i guess. pisces (but i wouldn’t say i’m a perfect example of a pisces) im somewhat emotional and yeah kinda artistic i guess, just not in drawing lol. i can do other stuff well just not drawing akjdj,,,school-wise i do pretty well despite being lazy and procrastinating a lot (i guess you could say i’m the aomine of academics🤪) oh yeah im also on the school volleyball team and a few other “academic” clubs (MUN, etc.) i can also play the piano altho i don’t rlly play classics,,mainly anime songs akjdjd. yes, i’m a major weeb. my room’s full of posters and manga and my wallet’s full of emptiness;-;

ok some more random things about me…i’m apparently rlly impulsive, i am a pretty confident person but like i still panic a lot before competitions or anything like that ajhdjd also when i panic, i ramble…a lot. actually i think i ramble a lot on a daily basis regardless of whether or not i’m panicking oop— uh back to the confidence thing, if it’s in terms of a crush or someone i like, i don’t hesitate to confess or anything like that unless the situation is kinda complicated and it’d be hard to be together or like i’m not 100% sure of my feelings stuff like that,, basically i don’t rlly have much of a fear of rejection(?) but maybe that more cuz i haven’t rlly liked liked anyone THAT much yet. oh ohh i lovee baking esp. cookies altho i get lazy a lot so i haven’t been baking as much. ah yes another thing about me my brother will never stop teasing me about…my fear of fish:) they creep me out ok. i love snakes and crocs tho so uh ?? idk i’m weird like that lolol. oh yeah i have a little brother and sister so a lot of people see me as the “responsible older sister”. is that true? i’d say yes, my bro n sis would say no🤡. one last thing, i love elephants more than anything in this world🥺🥺💗

oof ok that was pretty long— sorryyy and thank you for taking time to read through all this akhdjf 

»»————-　♡　————-««

Hello @pinkcowgirleggpanda~! Thank you for your request~! I’ll be handling the KnB portion of your match-up~! ^^

» » Admin Ko

And I’ll be doing the other two! Thank you for choosing us and I am so sorry this took so long to get out ;;!

>Admin 𝕋

𝕀 𝕊𝕙𝕚𝕡 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙…

ᴛᴇᴘᴘᴇɪ ᴋɪʏᴏꜱʜɪ

Precious iron heart~! Despite his persona on the court, he’s actually a very sweet, protective, and kind spirit~! He is definitely your stable and solid rock in any situation / scenario you might find yourself in~! In terms of being emotional, he’s rather in touch with his emotions and will definitely be able to help ground you or at least bring you back to sensible ground if your emotions get the better of you and make you more stressed out than need be.

Other then that, he’s super curious and interested about your hobbies~! He likes to support you and honestly will keep you in line if you happen to stray too far from what needs to be done. He won’t really lecture you, but he’ll remind you that to get out of the hell that’s called school you gotta at least finish with passing. He wants to see you succeed and will feel bad if you happen to fall into a slump or a mood where you end up upset at yourself. 

He will definitely be out to support you at any an all of your games~! He’ll always be in the stands with the other Seirin members to support~! (Really he drags them against their will, but they end up coming on their own to support you after seeing how cool it was)

Teppei will definitely be a big help on your impulsive moments. He loves and worries over you and will definitely evaluate a situation quick enough so he can decide whether or not what you’re doing is good or not. He thinks it’s absolutely adorable when you ramble and before games he’ll be the one to gently cup your face before pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead for luck in hopes of calming you down. He knows you’re gonna kick ass anyway. 

In terms of PDA, he’s not super handsy, but he does love to let others know that you’re definitely taken. He’ll hand you one of his shirts on a whim if you are in need of one. He let’s you borrow his jackets and hoodies. He’ll always have an arm around you too~! 

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

𝘚𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘶𝘬𝘦 𝘠𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘬𝘪

This cool and somewhat overprotective man is definitely someone who would be perfect for you! This man will be able to keep you grounded, and be able to makes sure that you get things done, and not procrastinate your work! One thing that he will really like about you is that fact that you can be super open and inviting with everyone you meet, but then be amazed at how when you are by yourself you are quiet and just overall a soft. The contrast will be intriguing to him!

You say that you are impulsive, and he can help you  with that no problem! Help you stay out of your head and keep you in a calm state of mind, so you don’t do anything impulsive and start panicking about something! He understand the feel of anxiety so he will do anything he can to make sure you don’t always feel that when you are around him!

He’ll take into account that you eat a lot, and will use it to his advantage so that whenever you guys are on a date, he will literally buy you food the whole and loves watching you eat until your heart’s content. He loves seeing your face when you enioy the food that you eat. It’s one of the reasons why he started liking you, because of how open you are with things that you like and enjoy.

He will think it is absolutely hilarious that you have a fear of fish, like I mean he won’t outright say it, but in his mind he will think it is funny, but adorable. Another thing that made him like you, only because it was so charming to him.

Physical features and PDA: He won’t necessarily care for PDA, as in if you were to want to engage in pda he will, but he won’t ever actively want to do excessive pda if that makes sense lolol. He won’t care if you are skinny, but it will be easier for when he wasn’t to pick you up and throw you in a fun way! And with your hair I feel like he will love just to put his hands through absently whenever you guys cuddle!

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

ᴛᴏʙɪᴏ ᴋᴀɢᴇʏᴀᴍᴀ

One word, chaotic. But in a good way! See you and Kageyama would like two puzzle pieces, and the reason being is because he is emotionally stupid, that you can definitely help him with that! I mean, seriously, he needs some help. Help him. Anyways, you and Kageyama will have a blast with each other; he will be the type of person where your mental battery doesn’t get drained because he is just a quiet as you can be and just as soft. The cuddles would be endless and amazing because of this.

He will like how confident you are, from confessing to someone to being confident in competitions and such. And if he were to see you that you are panicking, he will do his best to calm you down. Key phrase here is do his best. He might not be that good at it, but you love the spirit. He is more of an introvert so him trying to make you feel better is gonna take a toll on him, but he will do it to make you feel better! Because he loves you!

This boi will love that you eat so much. He will have literal eating contest with you and then pass out when you win and he ate too much food. He’ll like how you aren’t afraid to show your “boyish” for lack of a better word. He’ll also love that you play volleyball and will want to play with you all the time. I mean it. All the time. Literally will push a volleyball in your face until you say yes to him, and then he’ll stop when he is satisfied.

Kageyama, when he finds out that you bake will definitely want to eat some of your baking! You’ll mention it in a passing way, and he’ll stop you in your conversation and immediately want you to bake for him, which you obviously can’t, but you think it’s either way and tell him you will the next day! Next day comes around and he scarfs down the cookies like he depends on it, and when done will give you kiss as thanks. It’s kind of gross though because his mouth is still full lololol.

Physical features and pda; Like Sousuke, he isn’t one to actively look for pda, but if you were to hold his hand or cuddle with him in public, he will unconciously respond to you, he will really not think about and it’s the most adorable thing ever! He will just lean into and play with your curly hair and not really think anything of it. He will get laughed at by his friends, and he will be embarrassed but he won’t stop once he gets started! You are also just very huggable to him!

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

THURSDAY OCTOBER 8, one of the longest running television shows of our time begins airing the final episodes of it’s final season. Guys, Supernatural is 15. FIFTEEN. It can practically drive a car now. As one friend put it, “that show had a Quinceañera.” And if you don’t know how significant that is, think of the last show you know of that made it to season 10. Take your time, I’ll wait. 

Whoever I stole this birthday invite from, they are probably older than this show.

I started watching Supernatural in 2008. I was 19, I had just begun my journey towards Over-Worked, Under-Slept Millennial, and my best friend recommended it. I can’t really remember how the conversation went, but I’m sure at some point it was “It’s scary, and it’s got these two brothers, I’ll send you a link!” cuz we were trash and we were broke and Netflix...existed? Hulu existed, but not in the way that either of those sites work now, so we watched by...ahem...other means. It is probably why my first laptop stopped working after 3 semesters of college.

And damn, I was hooked. I don’t do scary movies and honestly, I was legit creeped out by a lot of these episodes, but it had two hot dudes who took down a monster every week and then (the real kicker) had a bigger, season-long mystery they were trying to solve. And occasionally, they got punched in their big dumb beautiful faces. If I had known what a kink was at the time, I would have said that someone was reading my dream diary. 

Over the next 12 years - Let me say that again for those of you in the back - TWELVE YEARS - I had an on-again-off-again relationship with the Winchesters. It was pretty hot and heavy in the beginning. I was jumping on the back of this 67 Chevy Impala 3 years in, so I had three seasons that I bought on DVD that I binged and was caught up with season 4 by the time the midseason started to air in late January of 2009. I was introducing all my friends to Supernatural, I made several people watch the entire first disc of season 1 with me, irregardless of whether they’d asked or not. Things started to cool down towards the end of season 4 as life started picking up and I know...I caught...the tail end of season 5? I think? I distinctly remember the final scene of the final episode, but honestly, I can’t remember how much of that season I actually watched.

At that point, I considered Supernatural to be a weird pseudoaddiction. I’d be clean for a while, years even, and then Netflix caught up with consumers and I could binge whole seasons in a weekend. It’d be, oh, I could just watch an episode. Just one episode. Maybe two. And then the weekend is gone in a blaze of classic rock and rock salt and I’m left with something like but not necessarily a hangover where my feelings live. I think I did this for seasons 6 through, like, 8? Eventually, Netflix stopped putting it at the top of my dashboard and it was easier to avoid. And I said to myself, well, when they finally get to the last season, THEN I’ll go on one last run, one last big score, and watch the whole series again in one go. 

But the seasons kept coming?? And they?? Didn’t stop?? Guys, I don’t know how many of you care about this but, Friends, one of the most popular sitcoms of all time that defined an entire generation had ten seasons. TEN. Supernatural is ending with fifteen! For an industry where most shows don’t make it past a pilot, let alone a season 1, this is INSANE. 

But now it’s ending. Even though a pandemic halted production just two episodes away from the finale, Supernatural is finally outta cassette tapes. The Wayward Sons may finally (??) be laying their wearied heads to rest (?? lol, I know).  

And frankly, 2020’s been a real sh*tshow so I thought “Why not?” 

And if I’m doing this and I’m not interacting with anyone on a human level, I might as well chronicle this epic dive into a time capsule of television because frankly, what the hell else am I doing? 

Cuz that’s what this is guys. 15 years in TV time is multiple lifespans. Shows are born, grow into something Emmy-worthy, and die in less time than Supernatural has been on the air. You know what else aired their pilot episode in 2005? The American version of The Office. You know when The Office ended? 2013. 

So let’s talk about pilots because that in and of itself may be a thing of the past not too far from now. 

Guys, I love pilots. I will probably say this a lot over the next, uhhhh...many months, but I love pilots and I love season ones, especially for a sci-fi and fantasy shows because that’s where your characters are at their most vulnerable, their most unsure. The writers and producers are really digging around, trying to figure out what the groundwork for this world is and there’s something so exciting about exploring it with them, as an audience. 

Pilot’s are great, pilots on spec are even better, and that’s a lot of what the Supernatural Pilot feels like. It’s got a real indie/guerilla-style horror movie vibe, like the crew scraped together just enough cash for that one special effect scene but had to skimp out on a lot of the other production stuff, and still managed to turn something around that is totally, 100% watchable and somehow more charming than if they’d had the budget to make something really polished? Go watch Night of the Living Dead (1968) and tell me that movie would have been better if they’d had a bigger budget. You could, but I won’t agree. 

Ok so a quick break down of technical terms. A television pilot is basically the first episode of a TV show. Well, that’s not exactly true. A pilot is kind of like making a sample or a blueprint of your show that you hand over to the television networks and say, here! This is what my TV show will look like. Will you pay me money to continue making it? And the networks (think ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX and The CW - remember, this is Network, not cable) will spend January through April of every year reviewing pilots and deciding if they want to pay you money to make more episodes. Well, every year except 2020. See: sh*tshow. Sometimes the network comes to you with an idea, or maybe, you’ve pitched your script/show to some executives and they buy in for that first pilot episode to see where things will go. Neither of these scenarios are a sure thing, and pilot season is always rife with will-they-won’t-they tension. In fact, if you’re working on the show, there’s a real possibility that pilot will get re-shot after studio notes, you’ll lose your job to someone the studio liked better, and then the show still may not get picked up. A pilot shot on spec is in even more of a limbo scenario because nobody asked for this! And just to follow through on Pilot Season - after the networks decide to buy your pilot, they then air the pilot at Upfronts (usually in May) where their many ad companies decide if they will pay money to air their ads during those shows. This is where we get things like prime time and key demographics - if you thought TV was all about the art, you are very wrong. TV, like most other industries, is still a business that’s about making money. 

Back to the Supernatural pilot. Now, from my research, series creator Eric Kripke had been working on the concept for 10 years. He was big into classic rock, big into urban legends and big into cowboys and all those things get married ever so neatly in this show. A lot of his initial ideas remain unchanged, at least for the first season - he wants two brothers, traveling across the country, facing off with America’s Spookiest Myths and legends. A lot of it did change. I honestly feel like I remember reading an early draft of the pilot where Sam and Dean are cowboys? But I’m also pretty sure I’m imaging that. What I’m not imagining is this ridiculous early draft where John’s been locked in an insane asylum, dies before the first episode starts, and Sam’s been living with an aunt and uncle his whole life and knows nothing. They still use something close enough to the La Llorona legend as the catalyst for the episode, but a lot of other things are changed. This is not the Sam and Dean we come to know and love. This is also a good example of when you SHOULD listen to notes, because this draft was rewritten after executive producer McG and his Wonderland Sound and Vision production company signed on, but before they actually shot the script. 

Now from what I’ve read, the WB picked the show up for (4) episodes initially, and ultimately picked it up for a full season of (22) episodes. This was, at the time, a pretty standard season and a pretty standard way to get it. They had a better deal than The Office, anyway, which only got picked up for (6) episodes in their first season, then got picked up four episodes at a time for season 2. 

Now let’s go over that paragraph one more time and talk about what a hecking DINOSAUR this show is - 

FIRST off - Supernatural premiered on THE WB. It PREDATES The CW!!

Man guys, you remember they had a frog as a mascot? Oof, that would not work today.

Secondly, it got 22 EPISODES. We’ll get into this some more when we talk about that evil bugs filler ep, but think about how many episodes were in the last show that you binged on Netflix? 8? Maybe 10?

Welcome to the exciting world of GRAPHS brought to you buy https://www.theringer.com/tv/2017/8/4/16094348/inefficiency-week-mourning-the-lost-long-tv-season

OH! And SPEAKING of Netflix and streaming services like them, they’re kind of killing pilot season AND upfronts. They pick up shows when they want to. They “air” them when they feel like. There are no ads because you pay for that content on a monthly basis and also they don’t even have commercial breaks. I am slowly seeing the passage of time in one (1) episode of television and I think I’ve aged 100 years. 

Here is just one of MANY articles about the death of Pilot Season 

Finally, and most importantly, this show got a better deal than The Office. And that show was an NBC primetime show. 

This show was nominated for 193 awards and won 50. And it ended when my nephew was still in kindergarten. He’s gonna be in high school next year. 

So what about this Supernatural Pilot? Was it any good? Honestly, I’m gonna say yeah. This is some very solid Hero’s Journey here. I think the only weird thing about it is that Sam is our Hero, our point of contact character that gets us into this world. And I only say that because I’ll be real up front and say that I’m a Dean girl through and through. I don’t hate Sam, but because we live in a world where we have to choose, it’s Dean 4Eva. 

From that early script draft, we learn the plan was for Sam to be in the dark and essentially be our audience stand in so that Dean can explain all the backstory. I think the decision to make John Winchester raise his kids as a weird fringe paramilitary outfit and establish Sam as the brother that tried to get away is a good one. It’s a very “Arrive Late” (or if you’re fancy, in media res,) sort of attitude and it works and you’ve already started building in the Atonement with the Father. There’s still some pretty excellent exposition dialogue, but what are ya gonna do. Sam, did you really need to explain to Dean that your collective father “raised you like warriors”? Or that you “kill everything we CAN find?” It’s fine. You’re beautiful and I love you. But also, he knows all that.

You have the Call to Adventure - Dean showing up and saying “Dad hasn’t been home in a few days.” You have the refusal of the call (“He’ll sleep it off”). You have your supernatural aid (hah!) giving Sam a push out the door - that’s Dean. You have your famous line that I quoted along with the TV - Dad’s on a hunting trip. And he hasn’t been home in a few days. 

The dead mom backstory seems pretty on the nose, but the “burned on the ceiling” concept was new and unique enough that I was intrigued to find out more. Listen, I’ve already admitted I don’t watch a lot of horror so if this has been done before, don’t @ me. 

La Llorona or Woman in White or Weeping Woman was a new trope to me at the time, so it too seemed fresh. I see that myth show up in a lot more Supernatural-type shows now, but in 2008, at 19, I was like, oh this is different. Not to mention - this definitely leaned in to the horror aspect. I know I’m a baby, but it aired at 9pm, which is the more adult side of Prime Time, so the WB thought it was too spooky for kids who had early bedtimes. So there. 

I HATE when they do this cuz it freaks me out EVERY TIME and THAT’S NOT EVEN HOW THESE MIRRORS WORK??? SHE’S NOT EVEN IN THE BACK SEAT IN THIS SHOT!

And then at the END, when Sam STILL refuses the call to adventure, you have the real Crossing of the Threshold - Jess is ALSO stuck on the ceiling, dead, and on fire. Spoiler alert, but they had to fridge her early to make the rest of the season work and so it shouldn’t be a big surprise. Sam’s all in and we get 21 more episodes of him and Dean and that car. 

Is it technically fridging if she’s lit on fire?

And let’s talk about Jess for a second cuz actress Adrianne Palicki is giving a LOT more in this performance than a fridged girlfriend should be required to. She’s likeable, she’s down to earth, she’s crushing it and and all this with only, like, two scenes of dialogue. I say this even though we meet her in a slutty nurse costume - COME on WB. 

WB what the hell is this wardrobe. What the HELL is THIS. 

In fact, all of the extras in this show are crushing it? Louis is instantly likeable and he disappears after his first scene, never to grace our TV’s again. And these extras in the town in Jericho, California - I kind of love them. As CW (or I guess, WB) as Jessica is, these extras look like they found them at the local highschool and I LOVE THEM FOR IT. They probably came to set already in makeup and wardrobe! They POSSIBLY brought their own jewelry! They’re weirdos and they are GREAT. I’m pretty sure this will NEVER happen again on this show because once the $$ came in, so did the more polished-looking one-off characters.

 Lookit these magnificent goth weirdos! And great news, both these actresses have very full, non-goth careers after this. 

Also, heckin’ Joseph Welch is just crushing it. This man has NOTHING CW about him and that’s maybe why I like him so much? Everything about the scene with him and Sam is pretty heartbreaking, from his rundown car graveyard to his rundown physique with his rundown accent to the fact that we never actually see his face. Seriously, really LOOK at this scene - WHAT is going on with this cinematography? Is this a reference to something? It’s SO bleached out and SO stark and WHAT is going on???

WHAT is this lighting? And also this guy was played by Steve Railsback was on X-Files!

You can’t talk about Supernatural without talking about the chemistry between Sam and Dean and that’s probably the real hook here? I mean a) very beautiful. I will probably talk about this a lot. Let’s call it what it is here, they’re beefcakes and they’re made for me and people like me. It is weird that this show is so macho but their primary audience was mostly there for the babes. And by babes I mean Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki. And b) they REALLY sell the whole brothers thing. They’re both from Austin, TX which feels like a weird coincidence. They were both already on WB shows before this one, also a weird coincidence. And they just click. They just do. It’s impressive, and occasionally creepy when we start to get into the Wincest of it all, but lets not talk about that.

Oh, and the MUSIC! The music just makes it. If you don’t believe me, watch the Netflix version of the first season and then find yourself a DVD version. See, TV shows need to acquire a license to play popular music during the show. Nowadays, the CW actually tags their songs in the episode so you can find and presumably buy it later, but they still have to pay royalties for using those pop songs. When Netflix acquired Supernatural, they did NOT acquire the licensing to use the classic rock songs from ACDC, Metallica, etc. and so you’re left with some pretty bland and generic production music that’s something like but not necessarily Back in Black. More like, Back in...Grey? This pun didn't work how I wanted it to. 

And the show just...doesn’t work? Like, who knew BACKINBLAAAAACK! Was so instrumental to whether I thought this was quality programming or not. Side note - it ruins my favorite piece of dialogue of maybe the entire series - 

Sam: I swear, man, you gotta update your cassette tape collection.

Dean: Why?

Sam: Well, for one, they're cassette tapes.

Do the young people even know what a cassette tape is? I AM the CRYPTKEEPER.

So yeah, you got a lot of ingredients to make something pretty great. Did we know then that it would launch a juggernaut of a television program that would still be on the air in the Year of Our Reckoning, 2020? I was a big fan of Firefly, so I was 99.99% sure this show was gonna get canceled at any second. In fact, I was thrilled, in 2008, to find there were two more seasons after the one I was currently watching. Of course, season 3 aired around the time of the great Writer’s Strike of ‘07, where nothing looked good and few programs survived, but we’ll get there. 

In a final, kind of spooky, almost premonition-type decision the WB actually decided to air this pilot episode a whole week early on Yahoo!. Yeah, you remember Yahoo!, right? The search engine that briefly tried to have its own original streaming content and then we all abandoned it in favor of the monster that is Google? Yeah. This episode premiered online. I haven’t done enough research, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say this was probably one of the first ever TV shows to start on the internet? Weird to think that was a novel and innovative concept at one time. 

So this is it. This is the end of the era. Are we gonna get any more shows that last as long as this one did? Who knows. Are we as a culture gonna care at that point? I don’t know. Our TV habits have changed so much in the last few years that it’s hard to say how we’ll watch TV in the future. But credit where it’s due, boys. Nice huntin’. 

[ddaengyoonmin]

BTS Friends to lovers drabbles (Hoseok)

Drummer!Hoseok x Clarinet Player!Reader

Genre: fluffy. Light angst but mostly fluffy college!au

A/N: I’m not sure if I like this lol but hopefully you guys do!

The sound of music playing was as common to you as your own heart beating.  Ever since you could remember you had loved to listen to and play music.  Your clarinet was your best friend from the day you’d picked it up.  

You had been in band all throughout middle school and highschool and it was where you made most of your friends.

When it came time to graduate highschool you were actually scouted by a number of music schools that wanted you to play in their band for them as first chair.

You were honored that the college you had hoped to attend accepted you in, and on a full ride scholarship.

On the first day of class at the prestigious school you attended, you were quite nervous.  Sad that you were leaving behind all of your friends you had grown up with over the years.  

You nervously stepped into your first music class of the day, which was made up of just the clarinet section.  The teacher actually let you lead the class for the most part as you were first chair.  

A few of the other men and women in the class seemed to have a sour attitude towards you. Some were juniors and seniors who had been trying to make it to first chair their whole college life, and here you were walking in on your first day talking them through warm ups and discussing how to go about the piece that you were assigned by your instructor.

But no one could deny, the minute you played, you were incredible at what you did.  It was a euphoric experience listening to you play, the way you slid your fingers on the instrument so effortlessly switching from note to note.  Smooth legato and short staccato played to perfection.

When that class was over it was on to practice with the whole band put together.

You got to class early and set up your music stand to the perfect height, waiting patiently for class to begin while other students filed in.

“Y/N?!” a voice sounded out from behind you.

You spun around to see a dark haired man with a giant grin on his face and drumsticks in his hands rushing over to you.

“Hobi!” you squealed and shot up out of your seat.  Arms out to hug him while trying to make sure you didn’t chip the reed on the clarinet you still held in your hand.

“Oh my god, you didn’t tell me you were going here” he said pulling back from the hug and smiling widely “I’m so glad I’ve got a friend here!”

“Yeah I didn’t know you’d be here either, what an odd coincidence, it’s pretty far from home huh?” you chuckled.

“You’re tellin’ me.  We might be in the same country but I think I’ve got culture shock from this place” he laughed.

Hobi was one of your favorite bandmates back in highschool, he had a reputation for being quite the player, one summer dating almost the entire flute section, including your best friend.  But the two of you had always remained platonic for the most part, besides his natural way of flirting that he couldn’t seem to help, he’d never made a move on you.  He’d even go to you when he was having girl troubles, and needed advice.  

The band director walked in and everyone rushed to get to their seats.  You waved a quick goodbye to Hoseok as he left to find his place in the back of the class with the other percussionists.

Practice went well and you got a few compliments from the band director about the parts you played. You left the class full of confidence and relief.

On your way out a hand placed itself on your shoulder, “Hey do you wanna get lunch together? I don’t have another class until 1:00 and I’m starving” Hobi spoke

You nodded with a smile, glad to have someone to hangout with here at this new place far from home.

The two of you ate at a cafe on the campus, discussing what you thought of the college life so far and the classes.  

After a while this became a regular tradition of yours, months passed and it remained the same, every day after practice was lunch with Hoseok.

Until one day you told him you had to miss lunch, someone else had invited you, a guy from the saxophone section who had been eyeing you for a while and you decided to give him a chance.

You figured Hobi wouldn’t mind you canceling lunch, knowing how he was in highschool he had his fair share of dates and whatnot. You expected him to be rooting for you, saying some joke like ‘get it girl!’ And give you some advice, or something like that.

But when you texted him letting him know, his reply was a short and simple “K.”

That was odd, you’d never known him to send a text less than a full paragraph to you.  You didn’t understand why he would be upset, you literally ate lunch with him every day.

Your date went just alright, the saxophone player took you to a different lunch spot than you were used to, and you found yourself missing the coffee and sandwiches from the cafe you and Hoseok always ate at. The conversation between you and him left a bit to be desired, he was awkward and shy, not that you thought there was anything wrong with that.  But, it just didn’t spark anything in you.

That night after all of your classes you were on your way to your dorms when you got a text from Hobi.

‘So do you have a boyfriend now?’

You replied ‘Nah, I don’t think there will be a second date lol’

‘Good.’

Good? Why good? Most friends would say something like ‘aw I’m sorry y/n, theres more fish in the sea’ or something of the sort.  

You found it a bit rude that he seemed pleased that things didn’t go well for you.

‘Whats your problem?’ you texted back

‘No problems here.’ he answered.

He was frustrating you and you decided to not reply to him for the rest of the night.

The next day was Saturday, no classes but lots of studying and practicing your clarinet to do.

Around noon you got a text from Hobi ‘Lunch?’

There it was again, another odd short text.

‘I’m a bit busy.’ you replied

‘Okay.’

You sighed, wondering why he was so upset.  Was it that you missed lunch with him yesterday? He was really being childish if that was the case.

‘I’m bringing lunch to your dorm’ another text from Hoseok chimed in.

Oh.  You’d never actually had him over to your dorms before.  You quick tidied up a bit, clearing a spot on your small wooden table for the two of you to eat.

He knocked on the door and slowly stepped in carrying a couple bags of carryout food in his hands.

“Hey you” you greeted cheerfully

“Hi” he quietly returned.

You both sat down at the table starting to eat.

“So are you gonna tell me whats up? I know its not nothing” you scowled at him.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair.  Then covered his face with his hands for a moment.  

“I-” he shook his head “I don’t know.  I’m sorry okay. I know I was being a dick.”

“It’d be a lot easier to forgive if I knew why you’re so upset” you raised an eyebrow at him.

He paused for a bit, contemplating his next words “I think I got jealous.” he said in almost a whisper.

“Jealous?” your face scrunched in confusion. “Jealous that...I’ve gotten to go on a date?” you now realize you hadn’t seen Hoseok go on any dates since getting to college.  Maybe he was upset that he was off his game, and even you were going on dates when he wasn’t.  That had to be what he meant.

But he shook his head. “It is about the date...but its not that I wish I’d gone on one with someone.  I was jealous that I didn’t get to go on one...with you” he admitted, his face turning red with embarrassment.

“Wait...what?” you shot up out of your chair and backed up a few steps from him.  “No? But you don’t think of me like that” you tried to convince yourself you must’ve misheard him.  Cute Hoseok, stunningly attractive Hoseok, the man who always had girls fawning over him, who had been on more dates than he could probably remember...didn’t go for girls like you.

“Really y/n? Is it hard to believe?” He stood up and walked closer to you, almost touching your chest with his own. “I’ve always had a bit of a crush on you, even in highschool.  These past few months we’ve been hanging out, I think its grown into even more than that.  I was so jealous and angry that you canceled our plans to be with someone else.  I don’t want you with someone else. I realize now I should’ve told you sooner.  But I really…” he leaned in close, and kissed you on your cheek “Really…” kissing you on your other cheek “like you” he murmured, and wrapped a hand around you, pulling you tight against him with.  His lips hovered so close to yours.

You decided to close the space between the two of you, pressing your lips onto his, softly and passionately.  Trailing your hands through his hair like playing keys on your instrument. You could hear symphonies playing in your head as your lips moved against each other like perfect notes in a grand concert.   Smooth legato kisses, and short staccato pecks all composing the most beautiful duet you’d ever experienced.

“Woah” you pulled back from the kiss, almost dizzy from how infatuated you’d become with him.

Hoseok smirked, “Yeah.  I’ve wanted to do that for years”

“So what does this mean...are we like...together?” you stuttered out

“You mean like are you my girlfriend now?” he cocked up an eyebrow, then pulled you into a hug and kissed the top of your head. “If you want to.” he kissed you on your cheek “I want you to.”

You nodded shyly. Wondering why you hadn’t realized sooner how Hoseok felt. Wishing that the beautiful melody that was the two of you together had been played long ago.

“Good.” he grinned and sat back down to finish his meal.

“Hey girlfriend?” he spoke sweetly “Play a song for me will ya? I’ve always loved listening to you play”

[pendulum-sonata]

Classicalship!

Why am I not surprised :P, anyway this is gonnna be super long, so it will have to be under read more:

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - They would last forever cuz they’re both long-commited people

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - Not quickly, and even if it was, they would take too long to figure out like the two oblivious blockheads they are… maybe Yuzu wouldn’t take too long realizing, but would be a bit intimidated if she isn’t sure of his feelings.

How was their first kiss? - I kinda waddle between a surprise peck from Yuzu to Reiji and in between a rougher kiss when the sexual tension is a bit too much to handle :P

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Reiji most likely, but if we’re honest Yuzu had probably figured out that he would ask her but didn’t want to pressure him because she knows feelings are hard for him.

Who is the best man/men? - Yuya would likely be Reiji’s best man, and maybe after much begging proding Sawatari would sneak his way into it to everyone’s dismay.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Yuzu would probably had an entire group made of it, just to the top of my head: Yoko, Masumi, Serena, Ayu (although she could be the flower girl too), Asuka, Reira, maybe even Himika lol.

Who did the most planning? - Neither, Himika took over quickly and wanted to argue about it either, because no one would win this conversation against her :’D

Who stressed the most? - I have a feeling Reiji would have a slowly rising stress at the thought of everything and how big it feels, Yuzu wouldn’t get stressed in the emotional part but she would get stressed by all the things Himika plans to put on the wedding and basically turning it into a public event (which she already had second thought about.)

How fancy was the ceremony? -Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big. (Unwillingly lol, I kinda imagine them as the type of people who would compromise to the big ceremony Himika wants, but the party would be far more private, only friends and family)

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Leo, even if he was invited, I have a feeling he wouldn’t want to come lol.

Sex:

Who is on top? - I think they switch depending on the mood.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Yuzu, hands down, like after the awkwardness of the first time, I feel she would defitely do it.

How healthy is their sex life? -Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? -Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - I don’t know? I mean it probably varies, but they probably aren’t the type of having ‘quickies’ so I’d say from normal lenght to more? >.>

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - I imagine Reiji is a little too obssesed with ‘performing well’  so he probably does worry about this, but I don’t think Yuzu keeps track

How rough are they in bed? -Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it. (lol, Yuzu probably tried to get Reiji to be rough once and he ended up feeling bad about it xD)

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Not gonna lie, I think they would have 2 at most

How many children will they adopt? - I mean, they’re already the mom and dad of the team, so I think they technically have plenty of adopted people around. 

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Neither, I think Nakajima gets to be a nanny and bodyguard

Who is the stricter parent? - People on the outside would think it’s Reiji, but it’s actually Yuzu, not that she would get to be a control freak, but let’s face it: Reiji was probably a pretty free range child and would think it’s okay then Yuzu would get like “You can’t be serious.” face.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Yuzu most likely, but Reiji could be like in a situation where he forbids something and the kids go like “but weren’t you already doing far more dangerous stuff than me at that age?” and he would get stuck, Yuzu would unflinchinly say something on the lines of “I did a lot of things at your age that won’t be doing.” 

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - They live in a paradox where they remeber to pack their kids lunches but forget their own.

Who is the more loved parent? - they’re both loved, but the kids probably know it’s easier to manipulate Reiji into agreeing to things Yuzu never would. (you can’t convince me Reiji wouldn’t be weak for his children.)

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Both take turns, but I can imagine Yuzu is more likely to get into a incident related to her temper and get banned from attending :P

Who cried the most at graduation? - Yuzu in public, both in private,

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Reiji, but for once not because of his permissive tendencies, but because now they managed to piss their dad and it’s gonna be him the one to discipline them, and they’ll remember to never push him too far again.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - I can’t see either cooking much, Reiji is probably clueless and Yuzu may know basic stuff like rice balls or pancakes but that’s it, this is probably another things that falls under Nakajima’s tasks :P

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Reiji, for virtue of having most likely grown with personal cooks or chefs

Who does the grocery shopping? - Surprisingly Reiji, because Yuzu still can’t shake the habit of buying during sales and on a budget and Reiji doesn’t like to be stingy with food.

How often do they bake desserts? - Not too often, because Reiji doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth and Yuzu may have some every once on a while but she prefers fruity flavors than sweets.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Man, I feel that since Yuzu is more active than Reiji (pro duelist) she would go for meat and more protein diet, whereas Reiji is a salad guy.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Reiji would take Yuzu to expensive places to eat.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Yuzu is a social butterfly, so she would like to be out more often and avoid Reiji of becoming a full-blown recluse

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - I would say Reiji if I would believe he wouldn’t follow recipes to the T, maybe he would end up screwing up something but not to that level, Yuzu would probably do it for confusion over the fancy kitchen and what button does what.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - I think Reiji would be the type to want things tidy and ordered, so he does most of the time without really thinking about it.

Who is really against chores? - Neither, but they have specific chores they do and some don’t even cross their mind it needs to be done: Reiji? Likes things clean and ordered, but ask him if he knows how to do laundry. Yuzu? Very good at keeping thing “clean” but it’s she’s probably the type to have an organized mess.

Who cleans up after the pets? - I don’t think they would have pets.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Yuzu lol

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Both do but for different reasons, Reiji for planning but he hides it well and Yuzu because she has to remember etiquette and all.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Pfft no one, because Reiji doesn’t handle cash, maybe they’d be more prone to find cards 

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Both do lol, I imagine Reiji is very thorough with cleaning himself, while Yuzu just likes to relax.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Again, they woulnd’t have pets so… next.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Yuzu definitely does and Reiji indulges her even if he has to bear with wearing an ugly xmas sweater,

What are their goals for the relationship? - I don’t see Yuzu as doing long-term goals (she’s more on the impulsive side) but Reiji probably sees themselves growing old together

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Yuzu on her off days.

Who plays the most pranks? - Yuzu may do it… I think? But nah.

[chocoluckchipz]

Dance with Me, Chaton - 8

Read it on A03, WattPad, FF.net

Written for @ladynoirjuly2019

< Previous

8. Homework

“How is your progress on locating Ladybug?” Gabriel asked from the screen of Adrien’s phone.

“Not very successful so far,” Adrien replied. “I followed a few leads in Public Relations and designing departments, but they ended up being dead ends.”

Gabriel let out an exasperated groan. “Why did you go to Public Relations, Adrien? If anywhere, Ladybug would work in the design department. Do your homework. No one apart from that department has seen all the designs.”

Adrien broke the eye contact. Father could’ve told him that from the start. He wouldn’t have wasted his time elsewhere. “I’ve been trying to infiltrate the company in a believable way, Father. If I can earn your employees’ trust, they might lead me to her.”

Gabriel scoffed. “They’ll always look at you as an outsider, Adrien, but do what you want. It’s your future on a line. I must go now. We’re almost at the airport.”

“Father, wait. Just two more questions.”

“Make it quick.”

“You promise you won’t fire her?”

Gabriel groaned. “I already said it once and I’m not repeating myself. Next.”

“I fired Lila Rossi yesterday for assaulting one of your junior designers. Apparently, she’d been bullying her for years now, so I thought it was necessary. Can you write the executive order?”

Gabriel frowned. “Lila Rossi? Who’s that?”

“One of your accessory buyers.”

“And whom and how did she assault?”

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng, one of the junior designers. She’d spilled coffee all over her, following with verbal threats and diminishing after that.”

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “I know Mlle Dupain-Cheng. She’s quite the talent.”

“Yes. That’s why we can’t have her being bullied on our premises. She might quit, and I thought you’d hate to lose a valuable employee. An accessory buyer is a much easier to replace position than a good designer.”

Gabriel hummed. “Have you’ve witnessed the assault yourself?”

“I did. Both parts.”

Gabriel nodded. “All right. I’ll sign the order first thing Monday morning. Good day, Adrien.”

“Thank you, Father.”

The screen went dark. Adrien flopped back into his bed. The sun was just starting to peak from the horizon, so he could probably catch a few more hours of sleep. He’d need all the energy he could get to figure out how to steal the designs from his father undetected. Because Ladybug isn’t going to trust Chat Noir based on his words alone. He’d need to act no matter how much Adrien didn’t like the idea.

When he opened his eyes again, it was almost nine o’clock. Adrien lingered for a while before getting up and getting breakfast. Then tidied his apartment, did laundry and cooked lunch and started on making dinner. Then he sorted and organized his schoolwork, got rid of the clutter, and when there was nothing else to do, Adrien got to research basic hacking techniques. None of what he saw made much sense, despite him being smart enough to graduate with Masters in Business Management at the top of his class.

Chat Noir: Working on our mission ;3 How are you this morning?

Ladybug: It’s 4 pm, Chaton. Did you have a late night?

Chat Noir: LOL Sorry didn’t notice the time, but no. You? How did the club visit go?

Ladybug: Amazing. As always. You won’t believe what a few hours of dancing can do for you after a stressful week.

Chat Noir: I’m not much of a dancer, but if you insist I can try. Any clubs you can recommend?

Ladybug: Not really. The one I’m going to is exclusive by invitation only and I’ve never really been to any others.

Chat Noir: Oh, like a secret underground society? Fancy.

Ladybug: LOL Something like that. Sorry, I must go now but wishing you all the luck with our project. :)

Chat Noir: Thanks. Have fun.

Luck? Adrien got up to find Marinette’s lucky charm. Maybe that will help him? Poor thing. She got attacked by Lila the next day after giving up her lucky charm to him, and even if she insisted that it wasn’t a big deal, Adrien felt uneasy. He looked at the charm closer, then googled how to make one. It didn’t look as complicated as hacking. The decision was instant and putting their project aside, Adrien left the apartment with a list of the supplies he needed to make Marinette a new lucky charm. Call him selfish, but he didn’t want to give her back the one she gifted him. It would’ve been rude, and he wasn’t a rude person. Plus, he liked that string of colourful beads. However, if he could make her one, that’d be a different story.

Adrien chose a set of blue and yellow beads and even included a cool-looking bird one, as a hint that as amazing as she is, Marinette could fly high, soar above her problems and succeed in everything she wanted. An hour later, he grinned, admiring his handy work. His cell phone chimed.

Ladybug: How was your day, Chaton? Had fun?

Adrien glanced at the clock and swore under his breath. How did it get so late?

Chat Noir: Absolutely. Didn’t notice the time fly by. You?

Ladybug: Same. Went out with friends for ice cream, so feeling fantastic. You know André and his magical, love predicting ice cream?

Chat Noir: Yes! Love it.

Ladybug: He gave me my love ice cream today.

Chat Noir: Intriguing. He gave me one once too. What did yours predict?

Ladybug: green eyes, blond hair. Yours?

Adrien held his breath, warmth spreading in his chest. He had green eyes and blond hair.

Chat Noir: Red lips, black hair and blue eyes.

She took a few moments longer than usual to reply.

Ladybug: I hope it was yummy.

Chat Noir: It was delicious, my Lady.

Ladybug: Good. Gtg again. Just arrived at the club.

Chat Noir: You’re going there every day?

Ladybug: Only on weekends and when the days get really bad. Dancing is a kind of therapy for me.

Chat Noir: That’s a good idea. I should pick up some kind of therapy as well. Ignoring the issue doesn’t always work.

Ladybug: It really doesn’t. Anyway, bug out. Ttyl.

Adrien put the phone aside. He marvelled at the lucky charm he made for Marinette a few moments before putting it aside and trying to focus on his hacking research.

Ladybug’s ice cream had his colours.

Could that mean anything? Because surely there were tons of green-eyed, blond guys in Paris. But then why did she pause when he told her his combination? His heart fluttered. Could it be… No. Probably not. She was on her way to a club. She could be just unable to write for a few moments.

Adrien shook his head. Research, Hacking. Work. Concentrate.

They did click rather fast, didn’t they? She was an amazing person. Smart. Funny, witty. Just fantastic. And they could spend hours chatting about nothing and had fun. How often did people like her come around? Adrien felt like he could trust her with anything. Especially since they've become partners in crime. No. Not a crime but bringing a point across to his Father. Because Adrien doubted he’d listen to a random email himself, but if it was a live person, then it would’ve been a different story. So, really, Adrien was helping Ladybug and his father at the same time. Because if his father would listen, Adrien would do a huge favour to the company because, honestly, all those ridiculous innovations…

Ugh!

Adrien dropped his head on a desk. This wasn’t working and the information on the screen made little sense. It could be because it was late, or it could be because it was too complicated to learn in a few hours. Whatever it was, though, it'd have to wait until tomorrow because as of now, Adrien was going to bed. And he would take Marinette’s lucky charm with him because he needed all the luck he could get.

_______________________________________________________________________

Next >

[everythings-coming-up-aces]

Sanders Sides Glassman AU Idea

An idea I got after listening to this song (I hope this link works, I’ve not linked anything before lol) The song just gave me such Virgil vibes. I was originally going to write this as a proper fic, but I’m apparently allergic to structured writing... go figure. Also, apologies for the length, this got away from me a little. 

So there’s Virgil, who is too nervous to raise his hand in most classes. He usually sits quietly in the back of the room as the teachers fill their whiteboards with paragraphs of notes, and Virgil feels overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information he needs to copy down. On this day, his anxiety is making it particularly difficult to concentrate, filling his head with worries of missing crucial information and failing the upcoming test the notes are about. His mind dwells in what-ifs and stops him from focusing on his task, until he looks up and realized he’s well behind on taking notes, and the teacher is writing new notes, erasing things he hasn’t gotten around to copying. Then as he stresses about getting the new information down, he misses what the teacher is saying regarding the test, so he focuses on their words, and in doing so misses the opportunity to copy more notes before they’re lost to the eraser. It’s a vicious cycle that leaves him almost shaking with anxiety and his head swimming with mismatched information he can’t keep in order.

Virgil sits at his desk glaring at his hand where it lays atop his desk. He wants desperately to raise it and ask the teacher to slow down their explanation or to go over a point again. But he can’t bring himself to do it, and he just sits there getting further and further behind the rest of the class and deeper and deeper into his distressed state. His head fills with ‘what if’ situations. What if the teacher ridicules him, or the class laugh at his inability to copy simple notes like everyone seems to be able to do with no issues.

With Virgil unable to work up the courage to put his hand up, he finds himself stuck beyond saving, and soon the bell rings signaling the end of class. The rest of the students are quick to pack up their stuff and leave, and the teacher erases the remaining notes and leaves. Poor Virgil is left to pack up and walk to his locker in a daze, distracted by visions of him failing (another?) test, failing his classes, having to repeat the year, never getting into a good college oh god he’s ruined his life because he couldn’t raise his damn hand…

And then there’s Patton, who’s in that same class as Virgil, and noticed the poor boy struggling, maybe even on an occasion before today. But this time the poor shadowling looked so sad and hopeless that Patton can’t just sit by and do nothing. So he follows the other boy to his locker and taps him on the shoulder when he doesn’t seem to notice Patton standing there. The boy startles at the unexpected touch and slams his shoulder into the lockers as he spins to face Patton.

Virgil is surprised to see a shorter boy with big glasses standing in front of him, someone he recognizes from seeing them around the school, but not having spoken to him before. The other boy introduces himself as Patton and mentions having seen Virgil struggling with the notes. Virgil’s face must betray his discomfort at having someone notice him struggling. However, Patton is quick to reassure Virgil that everyone struggles sometimes. Patton comes up with an offer for Virgil to go over to Patton’s house after school so they can go over Patton’s notes together. Patton even puts forth the idea of inviting his boyfriend Logan (who is a year older and took the same subject the previous year) who would have his own in-depth notes.

Virgil is hesitant to agree, confused as to why a stranger has 1. Started talking to him, and 2. Has offered to help him for seemingly no reason. Patton picks up on Virgil’s hesitation, and is quick to assure him that there’s no pressure for him to agree, but if Virgil decides he does want to study together to meet Patton outside the school doors at the end of the day. Patton leaves with a wide smile and a cheery wave, leaving Virgil stunned in the face of human-sunshine, and subsequently distracted from his impending anxiety attack.

Virgil continues his day, seeing Patton every now and then in the hallways. Patton just smiles at Virgil but doesn’t approach him, not wanting to overwhelm the boy completely when there only just met for the first time. Virgil texts his cousin Remy for his opinion and Remy encourages Virgil to go, both for the notes and to reach out and meet people. Remy also mother hens, telling Virgil to send him the address and to call if anything feels weird, and Remy will call the police for him. Virgil laughs at his cousin’s reaction, feeling slightly emboldened by the encouragement.

At the end of the day, Virgil walks to the school doors. As everyone bursts out, he sees so sign of Patton, and for a second thinks maybe it was a trick. However, before he gives up and leaves, Patton runs up to smiling, a taller boy following behind him. Patton introduces the other boy as his boyfriend Logan, who has agreed to help the two with their studying. Virgil stutters out a greeting, nervous in the face of 1. A new person and 2. A member of the student council.

Logan apologizes, saying before he can join them at Patton’s house to study, he must first give his friend/neighbor a ride home, as he had promised earlier, and says it also gives him a chance to collect his old notes for the subject, from his house. He offers to take Patton and Virgil as well and drop them off at Patton’s house on the way, but Patton declines, saying if Virgil was okay with it, it’d be easier for them to walk. Virgil doesn’t mind, so the two of them head off.

During the walk, Patton tries his best to help Virgil become comfortable with him. He tells puns, talks about his family. He mentions no one will be home until later, his parents are at work. Patton also mentions having seen Virgil in class before, or he recognizes his name from a picture he saw in the art room, that Patton really liked.

When they get to the house, Patton offers food and water, but Virgil declines, not wanting to be a bother. Patton gives him a little look, and says that he himself is hungry and that Logan will probably want something when he gets there, so it’d be no trouble for to make something for Virgil as well. Before Virgil can decline again, Patton tells him to wait and see how he feels in a few minutes when he’s settled in.

Patton enlists Virgil to help him make some cookies as a reward for when they finish studying. While Virgil rolls out the pre-prepared dough, Patton puts together some sandwiches and other snacks. The two fall into a comfortable rhythm and Virgil begins to warm up to Patton. Logan arrives while the cookies are in the oven, so the three migrate to the dining room, and Logan sets out the old notes he found while Patton hands out the other snacks.

In the beginning, Logan speaks a little too quickly or technically for Virgil to understand well. Patton isn’t really paying attention, having organized the study session more for Virgil’s benefit, because he wanted to help the kiddo out. The two don’t notice anything is wrong until Logan looks up and notices Virgil has his head down and looks close to tears. Logan gets Patton’s attention as Virgil starts hyperventilating, and Patton immediately rushes to Virgil’s side and asks him what’s wrong.

Virgil breaks down into tears, muttering that he’s too stupid to understand the topic, he always struggles to concentrate in class and gets overwhelmed by his anxiety, and that he’s going to fail his classes because he’s too scared to raise his hand, which is stupid.

During Virgil’s outburst, Logan is flustered and unsure how to handle the situation, so Patton sends him to get Virgil a glass of water, and to take the cookies out of the oven. Logan goes to do so, while Patton hugs Virgil and reassures him that he isn’t stupid. He says that lots of people struggle with their classes, and vows that he and Logan will help Virgil understand his work.

Logan comes back and hands Virgil a glass of water. Logan apologizes, saying he’s sorry for not noticing Virgil was struggling. He says it was an oversight on his part, and that it was pointless for him to be explaining everything as a teacher would, as it was the teacher’s method that Virgil was having trouble with in the first place.

Virgil tells Logan it wasn’t his fault, and Logan asks that Virgil let him try again a different way. Everyone takes a minute to calm down, and Patton brings out a plate of the finished cookies. He offers a couple to Virgil, saying comfort cookies are just as good as reward cookies. Virgil nibbles on a cookie while Logan restarts the tutoring

This attempt is more successful, and after a while, Virgil begins to understand better, and is able to engage more with Logan and Patton about the subject and can correctly answer Logan’s example test questions.

As evening sets in, Patton mentions he needs to start making dinner and offers for Virgil to stay for the meal. Virgil declines, saying he needs to head home, so both Logan and Patton drive Virgil to his house. They say farewell and Virgil thanks them both for the help. In his room, Virgil goes over the notes and new information he got at Patton’s house and is ecstatic that he understands it all a lot better

Virgil doesn’t see much of Logan and Patton between then and the day of the test. He spent the night before revising over Logan’s improved notes but still feels extremely anxious until he spots Patton across the room, who flashes Virgil a thumbs up and takes an exaggerated deep breath. Virgil gives him a small smile back to show he saw the message, then it’s time for the test. When it's all over Patton finds Virgil and asks how he thought he did. Virgil replies that he was still nervous, but found that he understood all the questions, which was an improvement on previous tests. Patton is v. proud and asks if Virgil wants to join him and Logan for lunch. Virgil, riding the high of his most likely passed test, agrees.

When they get to the cafeteria, Virgil spots Logan but also sees someone else at the table. As they make their way over, Patton explains the other person is Logan’s friend Roman, who sometimes sits with them as well. Patton says he hopes it isn’t an issue and Virgil assures him its fine, even as his stomach twists in apprehension

At the table, Logan introduces Virgil to Roman, who Virgil knows as one of the more popular members of the theatre/drama club. Virgil has previously painted sets for Roman’s club, and so had been present during rehearsals and such, and had developed a bit of a crush on the actor over time. Roman, however, has never noticed Virgil before, and he’s very put off by the table’s new addition, and Virgil’s silence and dark style.

From then on, Virgil would sit with Logan and Patton every other day. Some days he needs his alone time and will find a quiet spot to sit by himself, but even then he feels better because he knows if he changed his mind and wanted to sit with company, there are two people happy to have him at their table. Roman also sits with the group on occasion, and the prolonged contact makes Virgil’s crush grow incredibly. Lucky for Virgil’s composure, Roman spends most of his time with his like-minded theatre friends. However, on the occasions, Roman does sit with the others, due to his original coldness towards Virgil that first day, which rubbed Virgil the wrong way, the two develop an antagonistic relationship. They don’t hate each other, but most of their conversations involve banter and traded insults.

Later, when the test results finally come back, Virgil sees he got the best grade he’s ever gotten before for a test. Patton asks his result after class and squeals and practically tackles Virgil when he sees the good grade. Patton then drags Virgil to show Logan, who smiles proudly and congratulates Virgil.

Logan extends an offer to tutor Virgil in any other subjects he needs help with in the future, both to help Virgil’s studies, and because Logan enjoys his company. Virgil agrees shyly, but gratefully. The three have regular study sessions now, alternating between Patton's house and Logan’s, sometimes with Logan tutoring the other two in a shared subject, sometimes the three work on their own homework separately, just enjoying each other's company. Friendship grows quickly between them as weeks and months pass.

Time skip to that year's Prom season (I’m not American, so all my knowledge of prom comes from quick Google searches and high school movies. Please forgive my ignorance and any inaccuracies?) The Juniors and Seniors have a joint Prom every year, and Roman and Logan are Juniors this year. For the sake of storytelling, let’s say a sophomore in an already established relationship with a junior/senior can be invited as a +1. So of course, Patton is going as Logan’s date. But the two boys, mostly Patton, feel guilty at the idea of Virgil being excluded from such a fun event the group could spend together.

So, Patton comes up with the idea that Roman could take Virgil as his +1, since Roman has no date yet, having turned down anyone that asked him. Virgil is quick to shut that idea down before it continues much further, telling Patton that he doesn’t want to go to prom, the social setting too much for his anxiety to handle. What he doesn’t say is that the main reason he doesn’t want to go as a pretend date of Roman’s is because of the actual romantic feelings he’s developed for the Roman. (Virgil also fails to notice Roman’s slightly disheartened expression when he heard Virgil doesn’t want to go before he’s able to cover it up.)

So that year, Virgil stays home by himself while his friends enjoy prom. And even though Virgil feels some anxious thoughts that the others will remember how much fun they have together without him, the depressive thoughts are squashed when almost immediately at the start of the night, he’s assailed with Snapchat pictures from Patton, that continue through the evening. The pictures include Patton, Logan, and Roman together inside the limousine Roman insisted they hire, a short video of Logan distractedly tapping his foot to a song until he notices Patton recording and stops with an embarrassed straightening of his tie,  some pictures of Roman that seem to be him sheepishly declining dances from several people and sitting at a table with Logan, looking kind of sad ( and a message from Patton reading ‘looks like Roman might be missing someone 😉’ that Virgil has no idea what to make of)

When prom draws to a close, Virgil expects the messages to stop when then others go to an after-party or home. But he’s surprised to get one more message. A picture of his window with the text ‘you hungry?’. When he opens his window and looks outside, he sees Patton leaning out the passenger window of Logan’s car, and Roman standing outside the car, beside the open back door. The two of them still in their prom suits, but with their ties/bowties undone and hanging around their necks. When they see Virgil standing by the window, Patton waves up at him with the hand holding his phone, and Roman gives a blinding smile and gestures grandly at the open door. Virgil shakes his head at their behavior, grabs his hoodie and phone, and runs down to join them.

The four friends sit together in an all-night diner, eating their midnight dinners and laughing and sharing memories of the night. Virgil notices whatever bad mood Roman had been in at prom has disappeared, and Roman is his usual boisterous self. Patton, on the other hand, is not acting himself and seems more giggly than usual. According to Logan, someone spiked the punch, and Patton had a few glasses before they had realized. 

Between the four of them they make quite a sight to the diner staff, Patton giggling constantly and leaning heavily against his boyfriend, Logan looking as serious as ever in his still done up tie but smiling fondly down at the tipsy Patton, Roman leaning back confidently in the booth beside Virgil, arm draped   and Virgil, looking the odd man out in his skinny jeans and patchwork hoodie, but never feeling more a part of something then he does in that moment.

[sensiblysilly]

17 and 53 for miritama :')

Okay, so I know this prompt list thingy was originally meant to be me just EXPLAINING how I would incorporate all these tropes into a fic, but when coming up with ideas I thought it’d be fun to just, you know, write the thing. (Which I procrastinated for 3 months lol). And, woah, I don’t know how - but this one really got away from me. So, here’s a whole dang fic (I hope you don’t mind)!

(From this prompt list.)

A lot of things can change in a year. But some things stay the same. Mirio, Tamaki realizes, manages to be both at once.

Read below the cut or on AO3:

This was probably a bad idea, Tamaki thought as he looked up at the flashing sign signalling the pub he was currently standing in front of was open. In all honesty, he hadn’t really planned on coming tonight, but last minute he’d gotten a text from Kirishima asking him to meet him there. And Tamaki had never been very good at saying no to Kirishima. So, in the end, he’d managed to find a more-clean-than-dirty pair of pants and wrinkled shirt in his ever-growing pile of clothing on his bedroom floor to throw on, splashed some water on his face, and ran down the stairs and out the door before his mom could question where he was going.

Being back at home with his parents was weird to say the least. It probably had something to do with the fact he was in his twenties and still living at his parents’ house. But it also might have had something to do with the fact his mom had started wearing her hair up in a bun while he’d been deployed. It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but now sometimes when he looked at her he couldn’t always recognize her right away, and it put him on edge.

Everything put Tamaki on edge.

He’d already been a little jumpy before he’d enlisted, and serving a year overseas hadn’t made that any better. It was why he hadn’t done much since being back, even though he’d been home for over a month now. He attended the regiment’s weekly training drills. But he didn’t really go anywhere else besides that, or even leave his room that often.

He kept reminding himself that he needed to find himself a job, because being on reserve didn’t constitute a full-time position, but whenever he’d go on the computer to start looking, he’d never make it very long without feeling the urge to stop and go lie down. Something about the brightness of the screen against his eyes.

He’d tried going to the gym with Kirishima once. But he’d found the clanging of equipement too loud, and he didn’t like how the other men would eye him when they were waiting for their turn on a machine. He knew they didn’t mean anything by it, but it didn’t sit well with him anyways. Maybe showing up tonight was in part a way to make up for ditching Kirishima at the gym. Tamaki did feel kind of bad about that.

Not bad enough to start going again, but bad enough that he’d considered it.

The bar was far enough away from his parents’ house that he could have justified driving there. But Tamaki wasn’t really comfortable in cars, or around cars in general anymore, so he walked himself there instead. There were still cars parked on the side of the road that he’d had to pass by, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. The cool autumn air felt nice, he thought as he tucked his nose into the folds of his scarf. Refreshing, even.

“Amajiki!” Called Kirishima as he jogged up to where Tamaki stood, breath visible against the cold night. “There you are.”

Tamaki just nodded his greeting in reply.

See, that was the other reason why Tamaki didn’t go out much since being back. He just didn’t know how to talk to people (civilians) anymore. He would never know what to say, and so his words always came out sounding a little more harsh than he’d meant them to. He’d been fighting with his dad a lot lately because of it. And he didn’t like the way people would blink back at him in surprise, closing their mouths suddenly after he’d said anything. So he found it easier to just stay silent most of the time. He’d never been a big talker before anyways, so it’s not as if his army buddies were expecting him to say a lot. It’s just that everyone else didn’t seem to get that.

But he was working on it.

“Glad you could make it, man.” Said Kirishima as he gave Tamaki’s shoulder a steady pat that both served as a comforting gesture and as a way to manhandle Tamaki past the doors and into the establishment.

“You,” started Tamaki before pattering off, pointing to Kirishima’s hair to silently finish his sentence when the other man tugged off his beanie and pushed it into the sleeve of his coat before hanging it up by the door.

“Oh? Yeah!” Agreed Kirishima, fingering the somewhat longer locks (than Tamaki remembered anyways) that he’d managed to spike up despite the beanie. They were dyed a bright red colour. “Felt like a change, I guess. Plus now my hair’s finally long enough to pull it off!”

Tamaki had noticed that too; how his own hair had been growing longer now that they weren’t buzzing it off as often. He hadn’t figured out what to do with it yet, and it sat like a dark mop atop his head, bangs constantly getting in his eyes.

He couldn’t say that he liked the change to his friend’s hair, because honestly Tamaki wasn’t sure that he did. But he could say that it suited Kirishima, because that was true, and the man seemed pleased enough with that answer.

“All the guys usually congregate at the back.” Explained Kirishima as he lead the way through the crowd of tables to a back corner where Tamaki recognized a bunch of men from his regiment milling about.

“It’s good that you made it out, Amajiki. I almost started to worry when we hadn’t been seeing you around outside of drills.” That was Corporal Toyomitsu’s (Tamaki’s commanding officer) greeting. Tamaki nodded back.

He offered a wave and a head nod to a few people he recognized from his base on the other side of the bar before excusing himself from Kirishima and Toyomitsu’s company to order a drink at the counter. When the bartender slid the dark bottle over to him he managed to take a swig before placing it back down on the countertop. He’d never been that big of a fan of beer.

He occupied most of his time by watching the drops of condensation form and slide down the beer bottle in front of him. He didn’t make a point of talking to anyone unless they made a point of coming up and talking to him, which only a few - like Kirishima and Toyomitsu - did. He’d never been to one of these get-together’s before, but Kirishima said they happened almost every week. Same time, same place. And of course Tamaki was invited to join them, he’d fought along side these men after all.

“Tamaki, is that you?”

The voice came from over his shoulder, and when Tamaki turned around to see who’d spoken to him he was greeted to the sight of a slightly too wide smile, bottomless eyes and the sturdy build of Mirio Togata.

“Shit, it is!” Exclaimed Mirio, loudly. “I almost didn’t see you there! Mind if I sit?”

Of course Tamaki didn’t, so he gestured towards the barstool beside him in a welcoming manner and Mirio took a seat.

The first thing Tamaki noticed about Mirio was that he was very loud. His voice boomed when he spoke, and he gestured with his hands a lot to emphasize his point. He laughed a lot too. Even when he was talking about something that wasn’t very funny. And he talked about a lot of things. It probably made him seem a little unhinged to anyone who might be overhearing their conversation, but Tamaki kind of understood - or at least he thought he might understand - so he didn’t comment on it.

The only thing was, that when Mirio laughed his eyes stayed serious, and the contrast made his facial expressions look a little different than Tamaki remembered from before. But then again, Tamaki looked different too - he was reminded of it every time he accidentally looked in the mirror when brushing his teeth. So it wasn’t as if Mirio was the only one who’d changed in their time apart.

“Just got back on Saturday,” elaborated Mirio, his hands swept out before him. “But you must have been back for a little while, no? I remember your unit shipped out a few weeks before ours did.”

“Yeah,” said Tamaki, coughing to clear his throat from the disuse. “Been back 6 weeks.”

Mirio hummed when he heard that. “Any luck finding a job?” And then, “ah! Well I’m sure you will soon,” when Tamaki shook his head in reply.

“This is the first place I’ve been.” Offered Mirio when Tamaki let silence descend between them. “Well, this and the tattoo parlour. But I haven’t managed to make it out anywhere else yet.”

Tamaki just shrugged at that, eyes tracking the journey of a water droplet as it ran down brown-tinted glass.

“It’s nice though. I like all the chatter.” Continued Mirio, hand lifting up to gesture around the room. “Reminds me of the barracks during boot camp, or… Well, it just feels nice, is all.”

Tamaki huffed out a little snort at that. He couldn’t really agree, but somehow it didn’t really surprise him that Mirio thought so.

“Tamaki?” Asked Mirio, and Tamaki turnt his head to meet Mirio’s inquiring gaze. “Any chance you’d want to come over for a cup of coffee? I think I might head out, but I’d like to keep catching up with you, if you want to that is.”

The walk back to Mirio’s house was surprising quiet. It seemed like - unlike in the bar, where everything was noisy - the minute Mirio was surrounded by true silence he quieted down to match it. Or maybe it was because Mirio’s street had lots of cars parked on it. But Tamaki couldn’t be sure Mirio felt the same way about cars that Tamaki did, so who really knew.

The house looked almost the exact same as Tamaki could remember from back when they were in grade school and he used to walk home with Mirio to play video games in the basement (and sometimes do their homework). The door was a different colour: a deep red instead of brown, but besides that everything seemed in order. Tamaki liked that.

The coffee maker’s quiet puttering was the only sound as Tamaki found himself a seat at Mirio’s kitchen table, watching as Mirio watched the coffee maker, body leaning against the counter. He managed a small thank you when Mirio presented him with a steaming mug a few minutes later.

“I see you don’t wear yours either.” Were the first words out of Mirio’s mouth after they’d both taken a sip of their drinks. He’d gestured towards Tamaki’s neck to explain, and Tamaki reached up to his chest only to have his hand clutch at empty air instead of the dog tags he’d expected to be there.

He must have forgotten them on his bedside table, next to his pill bottle. He hadn’t thought about it really, their familiar weight missing from under his shirt. He wondered for a moment if he should have worn them tonight, before deciding that no, that wasn’t necessary. Lots of the others didn’t wear them everywhere.

Mirio was clutching at the space in front of his own neck now, eyes with a faraway look in them. “Yeah, I just- can’t- wear them anymore. Makes me feel like I’m drowning, you know?”

Tamaki remained silent at that. His body was already starting to re-familiarize itself with Mirio, this Mirio, and he knew the other man wasn’t finished speaking yet. So he waited patiently for Mirio to pick up where he left off a few moments later.

“Not around my neck anyways.” He added as he moved to roll up the sleeve of his sweater. On the inside of his forearm was an outline of two dog tags and a chain on skin that looked sunburnt, red and raw. “Not that these are mine. But you get it.”

Tamaki stared at the image as if there was a chance he might recognize the information printed there. But, as expected, he didn’t.

“Whose are they?” He finally asked, finger nails digging into the decorative indent adorning the kitchen table in front of him as his pulse beat heavily in his ears. His eyes moved to hover over the window above the sink across from where he sat, feeling as though the sight of that tattoo wasn’t really for him, and therefore was not his place to gawk at it.

“They were Sir’s,” answered Mirio, his face transforming into something tired and worn down as he spoke. “That’s a nickname. He was my sergeant.” Mirio’s voice quieted at that before letting out a loud bark of laughter that made Tamaki jump in his chair. “Anyways, he can’t- can’t wear them anymore. So I wear them for him, right?”

And shit, now it was Tamaki’s turn to say something, but this was exactly what he wasn’t good at. Because every comment he could feel build up on his tongue was completely wrong and he had no idea what was the right thing to say. But before he could bumble his way through some sort of attempt at consoling the other man that would only ever be lacking, Mirio spoke up again.

“I’m glad you can still wear yours though, Tamaki. Not that you are right now - which is fine. But, just that you can, if you wanted to that is.”

When Tamaki looked back up at that, it was to find Mirio looking back at him with this really sweet and tender smile lighting up his features. It felt a lot softer than any other expression Tamaki had seen on Mirio’s face all night, and it made the other man look years younger than he was. As if he was sixteen years old again and smiling at Tamaki like Tamaki had just offered to share his chemistry notes before an upcoming test.

And, much like he would have back then, Tamaki could feel his cheeks begin to heat up under the attention. The crush he’d been nursing (and denying) for years crawling out from inside of his chest, where he thought it’d been buried for good, to cling tightly onto his heart and squeeze. He sighed.

Because if the warmth in Mirio’s once cold eyes was any indication, then maybe that infatuation of his wasn’t as one-sided as he’d once convinced himself it was.

“I’m very glad you’re still here too, Mirio.”

[saihara-shuichi-imagines]

Saihara whose S/O is the Ultimate Beauty Guru

it’s under the cut. not because it’s nsfw but because it’s SO LONG i’m SO SORRY

-Mod Otome

•You'd always loved beautiful things. You loved to make the world around you prettier, and your passion extended to the people around you, too. Things got a little out of hand, at some point… but at the end of it all you became the Ultimate Beauty Guru.

•You met Saihara during his class' cultural festival, where a bad lottery draw on his part led to his classmates asking you to use your expertise to turn Saihara into… a beautiful, and charming maid, to walk around and advertise the cafe.

•"W-wait!" he objected immediately. "Shouldn't we have a girl do this instead?"

•"Yeah, but we can make it work." "No takebacks!" "Do your best! (lol)" were among the responses he received to this. Saihara realized that if he were to object any further he'd just cause trouble.

•But he still…!

•On the day of the festival he still showed up to the classroom used for costume prep, looking like he'd wanted to be swallowed up by the ground beneath him.

•You'd only heard you were going to help costume a maid, and given said maid's measurements, but… anyway, you ask him if he's okay. "Did your class send you to help me, maybe?"

•"U-um, no, I'm the… you know. Ugh." He admitted it, even though he was unable to say it outright.

•You understood immediately, and felt even *more* sorry for the guy. Doubly so; you really didn't like the idea of forcing someone to wear stuff they really didn't want to.

•Out of habit, you give him a once-over. He's kind of slender, for a boy. His face is really pretty, too. You wonder what it'd be like to put eyeliner on him… wait, focus. Focus.

•"Oh!" But you have an idea. "I can't, uh, help your situation, but… if it makes you feel any better, I can help you pick out a nice--regular--outfit after all this is over."

•Saihara mulled it over. Certainly, you were the Ultimate Beauty Guru, but...

"I-I'm kinda not the type to care about what I'm wearing? Bar today, I mean."

•He picks at the brim of his beat-up baseball cap, and continues. "It's usually just jeans and a shirt for me…" he feels pretty embarrassed--not quite shameful, but almost--admitting this to you of all people.

•"Oh, this feels kinda like telling a sous chef you prefer fast-food takeout," he thought to himself.

•So why did he say that.

•Why in the world did he say all that???

•To your shock, his knees suddenly give out under the pressure of his social anxiety.

• "Is everything alright?!" You kneel to talk to him face level from where he's sunken onto the floor, telling him why you suggested it and that it's okay if he doesn't want it.

•The reassuring smile on your face makes him feel some way.

•He sits up properly. "I-I'm sorry again. You were just trying to help me… maybe it would be nice to, um, dress up. Not as a maid, I mean!" He blushes, and quickly corrects himself. "In a nice casual outfit, like, um… like you said."

•"There's absolutely no way you'll enjoy the maid thing?" you ask.

•He mutters; idly touching the back of his neck under his collar. "No, sorry. B-but I'll still do it. And, um, if it's still okay with you, I'd like to… take you up on your offer from before."

•"Yeah, of course! I'd love to." You stand, holding your hand out to help do the same. "I'm Y/N."

•"Right… glad we could strike a deal." he takes it, and lets you help him up. "--I mean, um… thank you. My name is Shuichi Saihara."

•The reason you wanted to meet up with who you were costuming was so you could take requests regarding the maid costume. Despite Saihara's reluctance, you show him the sketches you drafted up. "Is there anything you want to look like in particular?" You ask.

•"I want to look like a guy," is what Saihara thinks of (and decides against) saying. For the rest of the afternoon, he and you work together to make it so that his costume minimises the inevitable embarrassment.

•"How is… around here, for the length of your skirt?" You gesture to the area above his knees.

A cold and fearful shiver runs down his spine. "Lower... seriously, lower than that, please."

"Haha, okay." With your tape measure, you begin a slow descent down the length of his leg. "Let me know when the end of the tape is low enough."

Your hand, and the tape measure descends to the area below his knee. You notice the grimace on his face. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, thank you. Lower, if that's okay."

You nod, and the tape descends. You reach the calf. Then the mid-calf. Then his… ankles.

You stare up at Saihara, who is looking at the measuring tape like it was used to strangle his mother.

"You want it to cover most of your legs, right." you say, looking up at him.

He nods and mutters a "thank you."

•Saihara sorts out the rest of the details surrounding his outfit with just a tiny bit more energy. He still doesn't want to be a maid, but you're making the process almost... pleasant for him. He can almost relax around you.

•It's… kinda nice, just sitting there and talking together with you. Peaceful.

•But he flushes, realising how *romantic* he sounds, and how he's thinking way too much of it probably--he tears himself away from that line of thought. You'd just met, after all.

•Over the next week and a half, though, you do see each other - just in passing, as Saihara learns how to be a maid and how to go about his tasks during the festival, and as you flitter back and forth between your classroom and his, while you cooperate with Tsumugi to make his clothes and plan his look.

•The next time you *really* see him is on the day of the festival. Your class is doing a drink stand - nothing much for you to help with there - so you're in Saihara's class, doing the maids' makeup. Saihara sits in your chair after all the girls have gone.

•His hands seem to be shaking a little as trades his baseball cap for a frilly hairband, but you decide not to ask just yet.

•With great satisfaction in your heart, you put on some of that eyeliner you were thinking about when you met him.

"Now for the lipstick."

"Li- huh?" The young man blanches in reply.

"Just kidding, nah."

He then breathes an audible sigh of relief.

"I do have to use some lip tint instead, though… this'll be easier to clean up later. I'm going to apply it now, okay?"

•You show him the tint, first testing it on his arm. He inspects the color of it--it's not something he'd wear in his own, but it doesn't seem too gaudy or anything, thankfully.

•"Did you… pick this specifically for me?" He asks, eyes trained on the texture of it. It really *does* look easy to just wash off.

"Yeah." You nod, dipping the applicator back into the bottle. "I figured you'd want to have as little makeup as possible--or something like that, so I picked light stuff." You carefully place your hand on his cheek, turning his head so he faces you.

•He appreciates your consideration, but… your fingers feel awfully soft. He isn't used to contact like this, either… Saihara can only hope he isn't blushing. He feels embarrassed that he might be to begin with. You apply the tint to his lips.

•When you're finished, Saihara takes a good moment to stare at himself in the mirror. It's… still *really* weird, yeah, but he thinks to himself, "Y/N did… a pretty good job." He resists the urge to touch his face.

•As he stands up from his seat, you stand back to get a better look at him. He insisted, until the very end, on a maid uniform with a long skirt.

•He fits in the role scarily well. The features of his face take a more feminine tone, too, thanks to your handiwork. And his grumbling is minimal throughout the whole day, too!

•(He's still sulking in the corner a little at the end of the day, but when you ask him about his plans for that weekend, he seems to relax a bit as he replies that he's free.)

•You spend the following afternoon at the mall, hoping you aren't forcing Saihara into these outfits.

•This concern spills out your lips. "Huh? No no no, it's okay," he replies, snapping up to look at you instead of the drink he'd been nursing while the two of you sat to rest.

"Are you sure? I mean…" You'd been having so much fun putting clothes and accessories together for him that you wonder if you'd been overwhelming the boy.

"To be honest, I don't think I look like anything special," he admits. "and admittedly I wasn't too excited at first. But, um…"

You realise, suddenly, that he's blushing a little. He's *bashful.* You think you might be staring.

"I… this has been really fun, hanging out with you." He thumbs the tab on the top of his can of soda. "Thanks for inviting me."

You immediately want to invite him out again. Maybe twice or a hundred and five times more.

"No problem," is what you say--"I'm having fun too, so… thank you for coming along!" --unable to stop the smile on your face.

It's cheesy, he thinks, to think that your smile just then looked bright. But it kinda did. It felt bright, too.

Saihara takes a last swig of his drink, and before you can protest, he quietly picks your shopping bags up to carry for you.

•In the end, he buys an outfit, and, with embarrassment on his part, a bit of the eyeliner you used on him during the festival.

"You liked the look of it didn't you?"

"…yeah," he mutters. "It did look kinda nice, I guess."

"Do you want me to teach you how to apply it?" You peek under the bill of his cap.

"Y-Yes, please."

He's still carrying the bags, and only hands them to you as he sees you to the front door of your house.

"I'll see you tomorrow at school, Saihara-kun."

"Ah-- yeah! Yeah. See you tomorrow."

•The next day he shyly approaches you at lunch.

•The next weekend you invite him to your house so you can teach him to use the eyeliner. Flustered and determined not to overstep your boundaries, he insists on keeping to the living room.

•At your request he gives you the eyeliner he'd bought with you. You apply a bit of it in the style you used for the maid cafe, and a few other ways you think would look nice on him.

•Saihara is maybe, definitely overtoverthinking about how soft your palms feel on his skin--

He stops and calms himself, yet again, and chooses to focus on your technique.

•The young man has to admit that despite his lack of knowledge of makeup, your work still feels very  impressive to him.

•Sometimes he'll let you try new techniques if you want to do so on him, or let you gush about things even though he understands.

•Eventually, he realises that he just likes seeing you happy.

•He does feel a little like you might be out of his league, but before he can really beat himself up over it,

•He blurts out that he likes you, one day while you're eating lunch together at school, and his face blooms into full red.

•Saihara's babbling, and stuttering while he babbles, trying to justify himself-- to backpedal, to somehow take it back--

•When you, kindly containing your laughter--he really can be too cute--tell him you like him too.

•Eventually he gets used to spur-of-the moment makeovers when you want to try new things on a face you love, or days you just feel like dressing up, when he'll feel like letting you dress him up for a change too.

•You learn to love the taste of the tea he likes; the same tea he shyly brings in a thermos to share with you, every other afternoon.

"Do you make this yourself?" You ask him one day. "The tea, I mean."

He sets the thermos down after pouring into his own cup. "No, actually. This is… sort of embarrassing, so give me a minute."

You take a sip, letting the warm and slightly-sweet taste spread from your throat to your chest, waiting for him to continue.

He does, hands tracing the rim of his cup. "I don't put the tea leaves together myself or anything, but I read a scene like this--where the, uh, main character shares tea with the love interest in their office and everything--in a book I really liked."

"So I…" Saihara brings the cup to his lips. "…y'know, thought it would be. Nice."

The next time you're at his house, he lends the book to you.

•Despite how far away the realms of your hobbies and interests may be, you love him very much, and he loves you just as much in return.

[beforethebraces]

Moments In Laser Tag

(calum thomas hood is a fucking babe. I’d do anything for this boy. number 1 bub of life heyoooo)

Pairing: Calum + Y/N

Rating: if you ever been to a laser tag match, sometimes it gets nasty. it’s like a full on war in there, lol. so be warned. 

Requested: nope.

TW: swearing, friendly taunting, the intensity of a laser tag game. some awkwardness present in here.

Key:  (trying something new, heeeeey)

Y/bf/n - Your best friend’s name Y/bf/s/n - Your best friend sister’s name

***

Moment 1: Introduction

When your best friend invited you over to her baby sister’s birthday party at an indoor family fun center, you didn’t think one of options for games was laser tag. It was a bit odd considering the birthday princess was turning 5 and didn’t know anything about this game but if you knew one thing for sure, it’s that you’d have to protect your favorite girl since she’d be an easy target to other players. Speaking of which, as the workers were prepping the safety rules video, another worker and a group of 4 people entered which caused everyone’s eyes to fall onto them.

“Sorry Matt, we have a last minute group who wanted to join in on the fun.”

“No problem, we didn’t start the video yet so you made it just in time.” Hushed whispers from your group of friends and two other guys soon filled the room and you would’ve been one of them if it wasn’t for the little girl grabbing your shorts to get your attention. “Y/n.”

“Yes bubs?” Watching her motion her hand to come down to her height, you bent down and offered her a smile as she leaned in to whisper into your ear. “It’s 5sos! Did they come for my birthday party?” Giggling, you looked her in the eyes and held her shoulders softly. “I don’t know, maybe they did. Maybe they didn’t. You must be happy either way right?” Watching her nod her head happily, the worker called for everyone’s attention so they could finally play the video.

***

Strapping on your vest and hearing some of your guy friends wanting to team up with what little guys were in for this match, your best friend tied up her baby sister’s hair as you decided to help out with the small girl’s vest. “Y/bf/n, can I be with you guys?”

“Of course silly. Do you think I’d be a nice a sister if I wouldn’t let you? Come on girl, it’s all about you today and you have to be on the winning team!” Watching them talk, you finally strapped her in and stood up, fixing your hair into a ponytail. “Don’t look now Y/n but Calum is so checking you out.” Y/bf/n teased as you laughed quietly. “Shut up hoe, he’s probably looking at you.” Hearing a gasp from both her best friend and her sister, the girl stuck out her hand for a quarter, knowing you had swore. “Oh yeah Ms. Sassy pants? Excuse me, Matt was it? My oh so dear best friend needs you to make sure she put on her vest correctly!”

Opening your mouth in shock from her bold move, the worker trudged his way towards you as your friends laughed at the obvious set up. When you glanced towards Calum’s direction, you had seen him nod his head while he was laughing to himself then after, continuing on his conversation with Michael, Luke, and Ashton. “Really?” You mumbled to your friend as she shrugged her shoulders as Matt gave you the ok that you had your vest on right. “You deserved that one.”

***

You were prepared for the dark room but what you didn’t expect was the fog. It felt heavy when they allowed your group to go in first and once the game started, you knew you had to suck it up and play. You also knew some of your guy friends on the other team would play dirty so you kept your best friend’s sister near you at all times. No one was going to shoot the birthday girl, definitely not on your watch. With y/bf/n trying to take down the opponent's bases, she left you in charge of babysitting as it was part of the group’s plan and not even three minutes into the game, you came face to face with 5sos.

“Y/N! 5SOS!” She screamed excitedly as you told her to quiet down. Spotting one of the two boys she saw earlier in the video presentation, she aimed her gun and shot his vest causing his lights to go down for five seconds. “Dude, don’t you dare or I’ll get your friend to come for you as well!” Feeling your shorts getting yanked again, you focused your attention back on the girl as you heard the noise from your vest getting deactivated.

“Needed to do that.” Michael announced as you smiled. “No big deal. Hi, I’m Y/n, this is Y/bf/s/n. She’s a big fan of you guys as am I.” With all four boys properly introducing themselves, y/bf/s/n asked if she could hug them which they happily agreed to. After all that and shooting some of your guy friends, you looked at your favorite band and grinned. “So what brings you boys here? I figured you’d have a private playing session given that your ‘celebrities’.”

“We wanted to join in and see what all the hype was all about before the rest of our party showed up. Get a feel of the game before we dominate and crush our friends.” Ashton answered as you nodded your head, understanding their situation. “Don’t take this the wrong way but you seem awfully calm about meeting us here. I get that everyone’s different but, actually wait, this is a nice change.” Luke spoke as you chuckled softly. “No harm in that but I would’ve been fangirling if it wasn’t for the fact we’re playing laser tag. Also, just because your one of my favorite bands doesn’t mean I’ll go easy on you.” Noticing their face scrunch up in confusion, you aimed at Michael’s vest and deactivated it, also doing the same for Luke and Calum. Y/bf/s/n got Ashton who feigned death dramatically, causing the girls to laugh wholeheartedly. 

“That’s your first warning. And tip number one, in here; don’t hang out together all the time. You become easy targets for the other players.”

“Wow, are you a professional?” Calum questioned as you blushed. Thankfully, since it was dark, they couldn’t see your face turning red. “No, it just makes sense. By the way, Ashton, she’s your favorite.” You spilled as Y/bf/s/n looked up at you in horror like you revealed her deepest, darkest secret. “You promised to never tell anyone that!” In retaliation, he defended her by shooting your vest. “So if I’m her favorite, who’s yours?”

“If you want to know, you have to get me! And remember when I said about not hanging out together because you’re easy targets?” Watching the colors fizzle out on all four of their guns and little patches on their vest, you looked behind them and saw the only guy on your team assisting you. “Thanks, bro!”

“I told you I was a good shot ma!”

“I said to not call me that!” Running away with y/bf/s/n following behind you, you glanced back and saw them split up before catching Calum’s smirk and ‘I’m watching you’ motion. Shaking your head, you began to play again.

***

Moment 2: Stealth at it’s finest

It was your third gameplay and while it was you and your best friend who decided to keep playing before a break, you were against 5sos once more and two of their friends. Besides you and y/bf/n, your team also consisted of the two same guys from earlier which you remembered their names as Tommy and Ryan. “So, mami-”

“Oh my god Ryan. Shut it. I will go friendly fire on your ass if you don’t stop calling me that so don’t test me.” You grumbled as he raised his arms up in defense. “Fiesty but no, let me continue. We need to devise a plan and we’re outnumbered here. That guy Michael, he’s a good sniper and dodger. The other guy Calum is a heck of an observer along with that other dude, Mitchy. Luke is easier but he’s with Ashton who’ll sometimes back him up. I’m unsure about the Casey fellow.”

“That’s a lot of bro terms Ry.” His friend Tommy spoke as you nodded in agreement. “So what do we do?” Y/bf/n asked as you thought up a plan. They loved to hang out in pairs and sometimes, they come together to come up with a plan if there is a slight chance of losing. Thinking of their weak points, it’d probably be that they used the center of the arena as a meeting point and you came up with an idea. “They don’t ever go in alone and since they’ll be busy looking for us, they’ll forget about bases and bases are the ones where you can rack up the most points. It’s a risk but we have to go by ourselves. Activate a mine if you’re cornered and need help but that’s for emergencies only. Don’t draw more attention to yourself otherwise they will all get you. Since Michael is the sniper, he’d be guarding the center while keeping an eye out for the bases but don’t be fooled. He likes to shoot players more.”

“Damn girl, you’re so badass.” Y/bf/n laughed as you high fived her and joined in on her laughter. “If you’re at one of their two bases, shoot it and leave. Don’t wait around for one of us to come. We’ll get to it on our time.” Hearing the horn, signaling the match begun, Ryan looked at you impressed. “So mami, you taken?” Glancing over at his friend Tommy, he shrugged his shoulder as you aimed at Ryan’s vest and watched his smile turn into a frown. “We probably lost 5 or 10 points but we can get it back if you listen to me. Protect our bases when you can.” Splitting up, you ran behind a wall, almost near the center when you heard someone activate a mine and a girlish yelp. “Sorry Y/n! My bad!” Y/bf/n shouted.

***

Seeing one of the bases, you saw Tommy shooting up towards its ceiling, making the noise that someone got to it. Watching him duck near another wall and Michael running towards that spot from up above, you aimed and fired at him, making him have to wait 5 seconds which allowed Tommy an escape. Moving to hide behind the wall you were using, you heard Michael yell out a quick ‘fuck’ and some other words you wanted to laugh at. Noticing that Calum came into view, you listened intently, hearing one of your team’s bases get destroyed in the process.

“They’re really good at this. Almost like wannabe ninjas or assassins.” Calum vocalized as you made sure to stay quiet. Even if the music in the room was loud, you didn’t want to put yourself at risk at being caught. “I bet it was that girl you like who came up with it.”

“Could be. Can you believe she’s a first timer as well? She’s fucking good at this shit.”

“This game makes you competitive and even if you suck, you become good if you’re the one getting hit at all the time. It feels like the hunger games where only one can come out as champion.”

“True that but there’s something about y/n and it’s not because she’s kinda hot.” Covering your mouth to stop the giggles, Michael chuckled from the pun and pushed Calum’s shoulder playfully. “Bro, that was lame.” Deciding to focus on the game, you carefully hid behind the wall enough to stay hidden but enough to aim at Calum. Sniping him, you crouched and made sure none of the lights from your vest and gun were seen. “What the hell! Who’s there!?”

“Like they’ll tell you.”

“Still!” Aiming for him once more, you saw that he was getting frustrated and you felt good. You really loved this game! “Come on out or are you too chicke-” Michael ran away to another corner when he heard Luke yelp out in surprise. With only Calum in view and watching y/bf/n shoot either Casey or Mitchy to the left of him, you fired once more at Calum who looked everywhere for the culprit. Finding you, you gunned for the base and destroyed it, running away as he chased after you. “Y/n! Get back here you trouble maker!” As you heard the noise of your vest being disabled, you turned around having Calum bump into you as you both toppled over onto the ground, hidden by one of the statues. With him being on top of you, you blushed as he gazes down at you in shock and admiration. Motioning him to get off, he complied as you crouched face to face. Sitting down was against the rules apparently. “That wasn’t nice of you to keep hitting me.” Watching him raise his eyebrows in a challenging manner, you stuck out your tongue and fixed your ponytail. “I said I wasn’t going to go easy on you.” Gaping at the way you released your hair from its tie and putting it back up, he was in a trance. The way you looked doing something so natural like this caused his stomach to flutter around crazily and he didn’t understand why.

“W-wow. Y-you’re really beautiful.” As the music stopped and the lights turned back on, nothing could save you from showing that you were blushing at his words which caused you to cough uncomfortably and for him to grin. Helping you up and following him outside the arena, you inhaled a fresh breath as you checked the scoreboards. “We won by fifteen points! We survived!” your team cheered as you stared at the man in front of you. “Congrats.” Calum beamed at you, sticking out his hand for a hand shake. Accepting his gesture and looking at him shyly, he held onto your hand a bit longer until Michael patted his back, causing him to drop it. “We’ll get you the next round whenever that is.” Michael insisted, letting his friend know the rest of their friends showed up.

“I guess that’s my cue.”

“Right.”

“Y-you fight good.”

“You did not just pull a Mulan quote on me.” You chortled as he joined in before waving good bye to join his friends. Going back into the room to return the vest, y/bf/ waited for you and linked arms. “He was so flirting with you and I seen everything. Let’s rest before we continue.”

***

Moment 3: I swear he’s after me!

After a few more rounds and a short food break, they were back to playing laser tag again when the group decided to play free for all. Instead of hosting their own event, they decided to play with others again and Calum almost danced in joy when he saw you again. “You really like her huh?” Ashton inquired. “That obvious?”

“You’ve been ogling her and that guy for the past two minutes.”

“I do not ogle!”

“But you haven’t denied you were keeping an eye on them. Come on Calum, I think you should ask her out. Or at least get a number at the end of this round because it’s getting a little sad to watch. If you haven’t noticed yet, a lot of guys are starting to take a liking towards her. I won’t be surprised if one of our friends ends up liking her as well.”

“Is that supposed to be your idea of a pep talk?”

“Is it working?”

‘Tommy! That’s so not funny!’ You squeaked out as the boy across of you smirked and winked at you. It had caused Calum to grip his gun a little too tightly and he shook his head, knowing who his first victim was. He did not like this and maybe he’d take Ashton’s advice on what to do. “Good luck.”

***

While everyone was running amuck, Calum was currently in the center of the arena, staying out of sight until he heard your voice. “I swear to god Tommy! That little boy is after me! He has it out for me and only me! Before I can even aim, he’s already got me and it sucks!” Seeing your chest piece get disconnected, he saw a little boy run past him and decided to avenge you by getting him right back. The boy was so confused but continued moving on as he decided to approach you guys with Tommy disabling him as soon as possible. “Really dude?” Calum groaned as the guy ran away to give you some space. Sensing that you were still feeling awkward about the confrontation from earlier, he leaned against the wall piece and smiled smugly.

“Speaking of which, I hope you’ll be happy to know I got that little boy for you. He’s a quick one.”

“You heard about that?” Observing the way you stroked your arm in hesitation, he shot at the same small boy again as he seen him hiding in a corner, pining after you. “Oh yeah. I really do think he’s after you, Maybe he has a crush and is trying to impress you. It’s a total guy thing.”

“Does that mean you’re doing the same thing as well?” 

“That depends on if it’s working and if you might have a thing with that Tommy guy.” Peering down at your facial expressions, your nose scrunched up in bewilderment as you scoffed. “He has a thing for my best friend and he’s trying to get on my good side.”

“Duly noted. So do I stand a chance with getting a number at the end of this game? It’d break my heart if you said no.” Spotting the twinkle in your eyes, you pretended to think about it and nodded. “Sure thing lover boy.” He rolled his eyes and told you to follow him anyway, excited for the game to end.

***

Moment 4: You little shit!

In the same round, the game was getting even crazier and when the little boy kept coming for you and you calling him a little punk ass bitch, Calum would diffuse the situation and act as your bodyguard. You didn’t really need help but it was fun getting to know the guy you could only read about online and in the papers. He was super sweet and not to mention very funny. He was quiet and shy a few times but so were you so it wasn’t that much of a big deal. You still couldn’t believe you were hanging out with Calum Hood and it left you feeling giddy most of the time.

Crouching down behind a statue big enough to conceal the both of you, Luke came into your eye sight, alongside with a girl.

“Hey Calum, watch this. You’ll see why they’re my favorite targets.” You whispered as he shook his head in disapproval. “Really? My friends?”

“Just watch. It’s so funny.” Aiming at the girl right at her back, she squealed and turned towards Luke in horror. “What happened to not shooting me!?”

“How can it be me? I was standing beside you! Someone else probably did!”

“Then what happened to protecting me!?”

“I told you I suck at this! I literally have Michael covering us most of the time!” As they started bickering, you fired at her again and done the same thing to Luke which caused him to grumble. “You’re so bad y/n.” Calum murmured as you shushed him. As if on cue, Michael came into view as he crossed his arms. “Come on Hemmings. Defend yourself!”

“Someone has it out for us!” He exclaimed as you told Calum to go at it. Seeing Luke’s face fall even more, you wanted to burst out laughing. This was too hilarious! “See!?”

“It looks like someone has it out for you and just you Luke.” The girl retorted as she was about to walk away causing Calum to act fast and disabling her weapon. “Are you guys serious!?”

“That wasn’t us!” Doing the same thing to both his friends, he saw you giving him the thumbs up and a big smile, watching the scene unfold in front of them. “Okay, who’s there!?” Michael called out with Luke rubbing his head in stress. “You can get both of them but no- STOP IT!” It was Luke’s turn to laugh and Michael was about to growl back at him when you shot his vest making Michael mock him in return. The girl rolled her eyes and walked away, planning to go solo this time. Luke be damned. Pushing Calum to come clean, Michael seen him first and gasped. “You little shit! That wasn’t funny!”

As Luke got his revenge and fired at Calum, he jumped in joy, doing a little victory dance. “I FINALLY DID IT!” Michael waited a few seconds more before he could do the same thing. “That’s what you get Hood!” Leaning against the statue in feigned defeat, he waited for them to leave, signaling her the coast was clear. “You betrayed me and did me wrong. I’m hurt. Did you see the overkill?” He said as you busted out laughing in tears. Holding it in was a bad idea. “I’m sorry but I wanted to see what they’d do. They did not disappoint.”

“You’re lucky I saved you and took the fall!”

“Oh, my hero!” Putting your hand on your heart, he pouted and got vengeance by pointing his gun at you and taking you out for a moment.

“I deserved that one as well.” You giggled as he flicked you off. “I don’t want your number anymore.”

“Suit yourself.” Walking away, you counted to three in your head when you heard him sigh and follow after you. You were so glad you got invited to your best friend’s sister’s party. “I’m kidding. I did not get blasted by my friends just to not get it. I sacrificed my dignity for you.”

“Didn’t ask you to.”

“You pushed me out of hiding!”

“Don’t sass me!”

***

Final moment: The number

Y/bf/n was waiting for you outside, grinning like a madman when she had told you she had seen everything on the tv. Did you mention that while playing, there were cameras everywhere, tracking your every move? It was for safety reasons but realizing a few people seen you and Calum together, and maybe getting murdered by an 8 year old boy, you felt embarrassed.

“You got 7th place by the way. I was rooting for you to be in the top 5! But that’s expected seeing that all you did was get cozied up with Calum. So hoe, spill the damn tea. My sister has been driving me nuts waiting for you to come play with her again!” About to tell her the situation, Calum walked up to you with Ashton in tow. “I’m finally meeting the legend of this game.” Ashton spoke as you shrugged off his compliments. “Thank you.”

“So, that number?” Calum pressed as he gave you his phone. Inputting your contact information and him doing the same for yours, you switched back and also asked if you could hug him. “We were seriously standing shoulder to shoulder and you’re asking if you want to hug me? That’s backwards.” He teased as Ashton patted your head in mock pity. Pouting at their actions, Calum chuckled and opened up his arms. “Bring it in. I’m just a normal guy after all.”

“Yeah but I don’t hug normal guys and break their personal bubble without permission. I’m like a vampire.” You sassed back, enjoying the short and sweet embrace. Pulling away, y/bf/s/n came and grabbed your hand, wanting her turn to have your attention. “Me time now? It’s my birthday!”

“You planning to play another round?” Calum called out causing you to laugh and smile. “Fuck that, I’m playing mini golf or mini bowling with the birthday princess now! You’re on your own now”

“Why you gotta hurt me like that? Don’t go!” He joked as y/bf/s/n stopped walking and faced him. “No! My turn! It’s not your birthday!” When she yanked you down to her eye level, she grabbed your face and smiled. “You owe me 2 quarters now!” Laughing off the situation, you stood back up and winked at Calum, having the little girl drag you away with your best friend following in tow. “I’m still waiting for the hot new gossip. Should I plan the wedding now?”

“Oh put a cork in it Y/bf/n.”

“Rude.”

***

A/N: ......my comeback is finally here lolol. I know for a fact that there are some errors in here but I couldn’t find them. I’ll probably proof read this again later after I’m done grocery shopping and fix it then but I hope you enjoyed this :) up next comes my first ever; Ashton imagine, wooo! I’m so excited to write that one!

[sedna-integration]

Thanks to a certain someone on discord indulging me with my dumb childhood stories and other inane bs I remembered something. But first some context:

From Aug of 05 to Dec of 06 I lived in Texas due to Hurricane Katrina. I swapped schools my first year there due to moving away from the relatives that hosted us. After I swapped schools I also ended up swapping classes when they finally checked my IEP over a month later because the way they handled “gifted” students was to have them all in one particular class and get pulled out for the “gifted” class 1 or 2 days a week for the entirety of the day(s). (I can’t remember if it was 1 or 2 days. I have gifted in quotes because the name of these programs have changed since and I am not sure what they are called now.) Anyway, the specific story I told them, albeit more detailed, is: There was this tall(er than me) meganekko busty blonde girl who always had on a somewhat loose grey pullover in my class. We went to different classrooms for each period and had preset seating in each one (it wasn’t alphabetical) but almost all of them we sat next to each-other. Our class had this mandated reading-class-thing where we’d go into the library for a class period, do some group reading+discussion, and then some of those online computer activities (you know the ones) or other reading-based work. Iirc it was because Blue Bonnet reading was/is a big thing there. I can’t recall how many times a week this was or if it was an every day thing either so sorry about that. At some point we had to partner up with someone for whatever the lesson plan was and this lasted for quite some time. I dunno why but she chose me by latching on to my left arm sorta like this but she held me way too close & my head was breast level LOL.

I was so confused at the time but I’m one of those emotionless looking dudes so I’d like to assume she couldn’t tell but she was pretty damn perceptive. I didn’t know what the hell she grabbed me for initially or why she was smashing the side of my head into her chest & her followup didn’t help at all. She’d taken my hand & swung our arms back and forth while skipping in this comical saturday-morning-cartoon way before pushing my arm away and pouting in an equally comical way so I gave up trying to figure out what her angle was. Ofc immediately after this the teacher comes over & brings us back to reality with the pair work. From that point onward we talked a whole lot more and I ended up looking forward to her shenanigans every week. Though I actively put some space between us at times (hopefully not enough to be noticeable) b/c people treated me poorly and I didn’t want her caught up in that. To elaborate on the why of that last bit and set up for what I remembered and why it matters I need to give a bit of a rundown on myself as well. I have almost always been alone socially and otherwise. I’m not close to my family in any regard. I’d consistently been picked on a lot & I’d always been relatively quiet even before I began to avoid speaking in general down the line. My scoring within the top 5% of my class (esp while being black), being an introvert in the early 2000, caring about art, the way I spoke/words I used, and not having interest in sports (again esp while black) led to people condemning me for 1 or more of those things so I started to keep my mouth closed about what little I was interested in as early as age 5. Unfortunately this also led to bullying as well due to people taking my silence & lack of contribution to discussion as me looking down on them. Part of it was that I also didn’t know a lot about sports (a very common topic) & oftentimes I wasn’t allowed to watch many of the shows my classmates did and thus had nothing to say or contribute. Being black meant either I couldn’t be intelligent or that if I was/spoke with anything beyond rudimentary vocabulary I was some kind of race traitor. I couldn’t offer to help anyone with work they were having trouble with w/o being accused of belittling them either.  Most people I came across had no clue what introversion was adults included. I only found out when I was 6 or so because I was forced to find a way to prove I wasn’t some “fucked up abnormality”. I was/am also very physically capable sports-wise and combat-wise despite my lack of interest in the former and my abhorring the latter. The former invited ire due to the whole “nerds aren’t supposed to be good at school and sports” thing. While the latter gave me a reprieve if I ever went there it only lasted until they realized if they pushed me only the “right amount” I’d never fight. The reason any of this matters is I am very careful about who I let get close to me physically & emotionally. I wanted to give credence as to why I am how I am as well as putting that on display. I really really REALLY dislike being touched by those I am not familiar with on a personal level. People I have been acquainted with for years still have to be careful about casually hugging me b/c I’ll reflexively respond with elbow jabs and the like.  Back then my intuition was already at the point it’d give me a relatively accurate read of who was and wasn’t “safe”. So despite all of that + my misgivings about people in general I was fine with everything she did. There were a couple instances where she hugged me from the front or behind like so and would just sit her head on mine and I didn’t do anything to stop her. I didn’t want to. 

She never forcefully invaded my personal space. Even though the first time was spontaneous it wasn’t forceful in execution. Easing her way into my personal space the way she did to do what she did is the reason I realized I am actually a physically affectionate person. I’d never been exposed to it within my family or among what few friends I had until that point aside from those shitty face value ones aunts and uncles would try that I’d avoid partaking in. This along with my isolation (intentional or otherwise) makes it something difficult for me to approach even now. Many of the minute details above were omitted w/ the discord friend due to my inability to recall them. That convo helped me remember all of the above and more. The girl’s name, how she treated me, how her treatment of me affected others, how important she was to me and why. Shelby was the first person at that school to treat me like another person rather than a tool or some kind of abnormality whom needed to be fixed. She was the first reason I began looking forward to going to a school I hated being at. She helped me understand myself a little better likely w/o ever intending to. Regardless of intent she facilitated a situation where I was seen by some as just another dude.

It’s crazy that I couldn’t recall so much w/o her name because I never forgot what she looked like despite that seeming like the easier thing to do. Until now whenever I sat down to try to remember her name I failed to yet here it just came out of the blue when I was done reminiscing. Her name popping into my mind with the familiar image of her beaming as she oft would followed by all these little details is too ethereal. Feels like I’ll forget again if I don’t record this somewhere. 

I’m elated and grateful both to that friend for humoring me and to Shelby for being the goofy jester she had been even before I came to realize it. There are too many small innocuous things that happened with/due to her back then I wish I’d never forgotten about. Maybe it’s my lack of connections to others at play but small things meant and still do mean so much more to me than any large/grand gestures do. It makes it all the more disconcerting that all this was neatly locked away somewhere when I can remember the day my sister was born better than my mom can. One thing that has me kinda fucked up is remembering being excited to go to the same middle school as her. I didn’t bother trying to get to know her better because the same day I had that thought I learned I’d be moving away. So much came back to me now I’m happy & frustrated. I never told her how grateful I was back then. I tried to on my last day there but I ended up almost crying every time so I gave up. I never hugged her back or told her I appreciated her either. From her perspective it may not even be that big a deal but it is to me. This is also the type of guy I am. The minute things that we often take for granted are the most important things to me so I want the people that stay with me to know that I appreciate those things. Even if those decisions you make and actions you take aren’t something you spend a lot of time or effort on the fact that they are made with consideration for me is very much appreciated and I want these people to know that. I wanted her to know that. It took me too long to be able to be able voice these things despite my blunt brazen approach to near everything. Now I have a poignant desire to tell her precisely how much I appreciated her. Knowing I likely will never get the opportunity is very frustrating. Yet I stupidly hope I will come across her again.  Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll see that smile again in person. Both images are I googled tall girl + word + anime and just so happend to get those two as the results that fit and both are from doujns so beware. 1. Tall+Short by Kitakawa Touta 2. Doki Doki Body Wall by Makinosaka Shinichi Edit: Cleaned this up a bit and added some detail. As an addendum: 1. This was 13y ago so I was 11 in the 5th grade. Idk why but she and 2 other girls in our grade were built like idealized 17 y/o’s which was actually part of why Shelby wore the pullover. 2. I’m not pining for her or anything. I couldn’t tell you if I was into her or if she was into me the way kids tend to be back then and really it doesn’t matter if it was or wasn’t the case.  3. For the above: I have only wanted to have a small number of close friends to spend my time with since early on in HS. Having my own family was something I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember but I don’t think it’s good for me specifically to explicitly pursue romance so I don’t and didn’t. I don’t want to go looking for love, platonic or otherwise, in all the wrong places. I’ve seen how that goes too many times lol.  A natural progression is more my speed anyway. 

[aftgonice]

11 questions tag

I was tagged by a lot of people, I kept this in the drafts for weeks and just kept adding questions since they’re always different, so thank you for tagging me and sorry if this post is long (I’ll just put it under keep reading).

Also it might be that I forgot or missed someone who tagged me so if that’s the case I’m sorry I’m not ignoring you I promise!

Rules: 1. Always post the rules 2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. Tag 11 people

Questions by @severeminx

You are hosting a dinner party and can invite 5 historical figures. Who would they be? Mozart, Da Ponte, Aristotle, Lucretius, Marie Skłodowska

What was your favorite cartoon as a kid? probably Pokémon!

What’s your signature drink when going out? Japanese ice tea

Do you have any tattoos? If not, would you like to? i don’t have any and i also don’t think i’ll ever find something that i want on my skin permanently, but we’ll see if we get there i guess

Who was your favourite classmate when you were 16? oh god...thank god this didn’t ask when i was 17 lmao...anyway my fav classmate was my then-BFF. there were also a couple of girls i really found interesting but i guess it wasn’t reciprocated so they always only hung out with a bigger group and being the shy person i am i couldn’t let myself try to be friends with them

How did you meet your best friend? we were in kindergarten together lol, but we didn’t talk (play??) much. then we were in different classes during elementary school but we got in the same class again in middle school and that’s where we became friends

Do you like going to museums? What is the art style you want to check out the most? okay i’m going to admit this here. i like museums, okay? but i’d rather see something like a natural history museum or something like that, honestly i’m a big science nerd and i don’t get as excited about art i guess. but i do go to art museums when visiting cities and i actually find them really interesting, but if i’m just in my town and there’s some temporary art exhibition i just don’t really care about going unless it’s something suuuuper famous :/// i feel like a lot of people will hate me for this buT LISTEN SCIENCE IS IMPORTANT GUYS

What feature or quality do you get complimented on the most? are we talking physically?? people like my hair and my nails I guess. If we’re talking personality-wise then idk, they tell me I’m good at listening (which I admit) and my bff told me he thinks I’m brave and I guess I understand why he said it but honestly I still don’t believe it

What is the most romantic place you have ever visited? I’m not sure because since watching YOI the only romantic place on earth for me is Barcelona and I haven’t been there yet lmao. The places I’ve been to aren’t exactly romantic so I don’t know

What would you define as ‘magical’? That thing that your mind does after 1 or 2am when it becomes more loose without needing drugs but it just gets high on lack of sleep and you’re suddenly really talkative and funny and you can have really deep conversations with people and your jokes are honestly on fucking point and you wish you were like that during the day

What is the most expensive item of clothing you have ever bought and was it worth it? I honestly don’t know oh my god. Probably the suit (pants + blazer) I bought a few years ago and that’s still good and whenever I have to be dressed in a “serious and elegant” way that’s what I go for. So yeah it was worth it.

Questions by @yakoucchu

 The piece of makeup that you always wear. i don’t always wear it but if i wanna put on a bit of something then it’s definitely gonna be mascara + lipstick (or colored lip balm) because I think they both make a ton of difference. Actually now in summer I almost always have colored lip balm from Lush because it’s too humid to be wearing mascara and I don’t feel like wearing a waterproof one lol

If you’re gonna be the author of your favorite series, what are you gonna change in it? well that would be a spoiler lmao but i guess i’d make someone who died in it live

There’s a fact that is happened to you and it makes you heart warming a lil bit when you think about it? you mean besides YOI and captive prince? cuz that’s all i can think about lol (there’s more but i’m being lazy with my answer sorry)

 Someone have ever done something that we can define crazy for you? yeah when my bf first came to visit me and we met for the first time (because we met online)

Do you like your current occupation? i’m unemployed but i’m “working” on being able to find a job soon but tbh i have food and a roof on my head and i’m needing this time of doing nothing but trying to take care of myself so i wouldn’t say i like this but it’s all i can do now

Smoothies, or Milkshakes? smoothies

What’s the thing that you love the most about yourself? hsrghsghshgshgsh most difficult question ever tbh. i like that i’m...rational? yeah rational 

The most strange thing that you ever tried to eat grossed you out? ummmmmmmmmm watch me get a lot of hate for this but....................................................sushi grosses me out and i almost puked when i tried it

Are you ever tried to write something, and after a while giving it up? Why? i did, a lot of things actually. i had an idea for a fic that i realized was going to do me more harm than good so i had to ditch the idea. there are things i know i could write but they’re too personal and still too raw so idk if i ever will write them. other WIPs are just there in my folder for no other reason that I either lost inspiration or that they’re honestly fucking hard to write and I still don’t have all the plot 

How do you feel right not? If I said to you “you’re doing great” it can change something? i’m struggling to keep my shit together. and yes, it changes something so thank you a lot for telling me that :) <3

What’s your favorite movie? idkkkkkk i rarely watch movies but of the latest ones i guess interstellar

Questions by @crescendotayuri 

1. what’s one thing you could never live without? my phone lmaoooooo so cliche

2. what’s your favorite part of your daily routine? probably right after managing to get out of bed, the moment i finally sit down for breakfast with a croissant and a cappuccino (typical italian breakfastTM)

3. what are you most passionate about? ...yuri on ice and captive prince and lgbt+ rights and the environment

4. what’s the best dream you’ve ever had? I don’t really know but sometimes I dream that I become internet-famous and it’s really sad that this is literally one of the best dreams I have lmao

5. happiest memory? I have a few but one of them is seeing Florence and the Machine live (i have others but they’re a bit too personal so idk)

6. are there any videos/jokes/etc that never fail to make you laugh? oh god yes........i’m so lame but like any meme will have me laugh tbh. kermit meme? i laugh. dude blinking meme? i laugh. spongebob meme? i laugh. i could go on lmao but i’ll stop embarrassing myself. there’s also a few comics that I have saved on my phone and they never fail to make me laugh but it’d be hard to explain them here

7. one talent you with you had/could perfect? it’s never been my wish to be able to draw but now that i’m into fandom i guess i would like to be able to do it at least a little. and i wish i could perfect my writing (or at least perfect my English at a native speaker level so it’d be easier)

8. a song you relate to the most? Help I’m alive - Metric

9. how do you take your coffee/tea? i only have cappuccino or latte macchiato and only rarely espresso. get american coffee out of my sight. tea is earl grey usually without milk bc i mostly use tea (without sugar) to stop me from wanting dessert lmao but if i’m feeling like it i’ll take it with milk bc it’s too good

10. what do you do to make yourself feel better when you’re sad or upset? i rewatch yoi or go on twitter and hope there’s some good memes but i trust my squad so yeah usually there’s something

11. what makes you proud of yourself? being a decent person despite everything

Questions by @pllsetskyonice:

1. What’s a song you can’t get enough of at the moment? AAAA it’s too hard to choose one! Just one yesterday by Fall Out Boy and literally every song from Lorde’s Melodrama

2. If someone asked you for a book recommendation, what’s the one book you would recommend? The question is trickyyyy because obviously not all books are for everyone especially if we’re talking about stuff with major trigger warnings etc etc but if I have to say I’ll just go with my fav trilogy Captive Prince (granted I’m talking to an adult) but I’ll leave it to them to decide if they’re up to reading it or not

3. Do you play any musical instruments? Nope :( used to play the piano and then stopped like the idiot I am, but I sing

4. Book or movie? Book

5. Do you ever wish you could turn back time? Eh. I guess.

6. Favourite subject in school? Science in whatever form it came (it was different things every school year but it doesn’t matter if it’s geology chemistry or w/e I’m just a huge science kid)

7. You’ve been given tickets to a concert for an artist you’ve always wanted to see live but never had the chance to. Who are you seeing? Maybe Marina and the Diamonds but there’s so many oh my god I also wouldn’t mind seeing Florence again but I’ve already seen her.......oh wait LORDE YES LORDE probably if I had to choose right at this very moment

8. Is there an accessory you don’t feel dressed without? Not really

9. Have you ever been to a festival? I’m not sure what kinda festival you mean but I think not

10. Have you read all of the original seven Harry Potter books? Yeah but still not in English oops

11. What’s the last film/TV show you watched? Last film was Beauty and the Beast when it came out lmao I’m not a huge movie person, last TV show mmmh let’s say that YOI counts for this yes? because it’s always YOI and I don’t feel like watching anything else rip

My questions:

If you were a character in the last book you’ve read, what would be your role? Protagonist, side kick, villain...?

What’s your biggest pet peeve when reading a book or watching a show/anime/movie? (if you can’t only name one feel free to name a few)

Do you consider yourself to be a creative person?

Describe one person in your life you admire without mentioning the type of relationship you have with them

What’s one personality trait you’d give up immediately if you could?

Think of the farthest place you’ve traveled to and describe one culture shock you had while there (even something small)

What’s the one thing that always manages to motivate you?

What would you tell your 10 year old self?

What’s your favorite trope?

If your BFF tells you (lovingly) “why are you like this?” what are they referring to?

Are you scared of something right now? If you are, what’s one sentence you wish someone would tell you about the thing that scares you?

I tag: @betelxeuse @ilgattopatata @ehsocietypretendstoomuch @otayurl @argentoheart @nerily @janiedean @robb-greyjoy @laurent-rose @dotingdamen @venenix but obviously feel free not to do it (but if you do tag me bc I love reading your answers) fdklahrgag I hope I don’t get annoying with all these tags