#lol i was really stressed about having to drive in the weather today and had a hashtag breakdown on tumblr dot com by reblogging that post

[that-was-anticlimactic]

Are you cold lol

hi anon!!!

yes!!! i am!!!

the lake effect is probably one of my least favorite things ever </3 i hate snow i hate ice i hate driving in snow and ice bestie it is so cold

[hannamoon143]

Whatever you want

Req by @intrikatie

Pairings: Minsung (It is not mentioned as a ship,you can put it as whatever you want, best friends,relationship,everything fits lol)

Genre: Fluff,comfort,a tiny bit angst if you squint

Summary: finally a day off at the beach. Minho and jisung are looking forward to some peace and fun. just lots of silly little cutie fluff

a/n:a little minsung drabble ( i wanted to post it at stay birthday,but i weren't feeling well so i post it today,one day later <3) requested by @intrikatie. Hope you like it! As always take care of yourself,go drink some water and have a great day.💖

"Give me ten more minutes"Minho whines. "No min,you already had twenty minutes to say bye to soonie,doongie and dori.its only a day" Jisung said,rolling his eyes.He had a annoyed undertone in his voice,also if he couldn't entirely hide that he found it cute when minho got all clingy and whiny about his cats.Especially since he usually wasn't very affectionate. Jisung pulled minho to his feet and dragged him to the car.Minho tried to free himself from jisungs grip,wanting to kiss his cats one last time.

"Nooo,my babies will miss me! I love you soonie doongie and dori!" He screams through the last open door slot.Jisung giggles and opens the car door.He sits down in the driversseat with a amused smile.With a pout minho sits down besides him,crossing his arms.Jisung only gigles at that.

"They will miss their dad"

"They will survive"

"I wanna drive"

"We talked about that"

"I hate you.and the babies hate you too." minho says stubbornly,looking through the window.

"I know you don't" Han giggles,squishing minhos cheeks.

"Yah!Look at the street!"

Jisung only continues giggling at minhos pouty attitude.He knows that he is looking forward to a day at the beach just as much as himself.They could relax,have fun and enjoy the warm,sunny weather,wich was a welcome change to all the stress

When they were at the beach jisung parked.Minho jumped out of the car,pulling the bags they brought out. Jisung also got out.he inhaled deeply.the fresh ocean breeze was relaxing and felt good in his usually always stressed mind. Minho pinched his side. "Ready to go down to the beach,or do you need time to process the air cause you don't know how it is outside the studio?"Minho smirks and runs down on the sandy beach.Jisung yells after him,following him with tiny runs. He acts annoyed as always but he enjoys finally seeing minho relax too.The comeback was exhausting for them all,and they all spent a lot of work and effort into it.It was a big relief that they had done it now,and that stays liked it so much. The others stayed at the dorms,wanting to do a live later.

When jisung approached minho he was laying the picnic blanket they brought,down on the warm sand. Jisung started packing out the food (Minho insisted on cooking himself besides bringing little snacks) and his little digitalcamera. "You still have this little thing?Isn't the quality extremly low?" Minho asks,taking out the ramen he had made earlier.

"Yeah but low quality is the best quality.It gives the pictures a little vintage touch."Jisung prudly says,standing up to take a picture of the ocean with his camera.Minho pats at the place he sat before and says: "Sit down sungie,i wanna eat and if you dont take your ramen i will eat them myslef." Jisung quickly sits down and takes the little box of noodles minho gives him.

They both quietly eat,looking at the soothing waves.

After a while minho speaks up: " Also if my babies will miss me the day long,this is really nice. Relaxing now that the comeback is finished. To just sit here and not having to do something for the camera" Jisung finishes his ramen and smiles at him. "You are right min.but you now when you won't be so relaxed anymore?" Minho looks confused now,but before he can answer something jisung jumps up,takes his shirt off and runs towards the water. "When i win the race who is first at the water."he yells,laughing. Minho doesn't hesitate to also take his shirt off and chase after jisung. They both land in the cool waves,laughing and almost choking at the water.

They splashed water at each other,not noticing that they went further and further into the deep water.Suddenly a big wave came.It was quick there and minho and jisung got pressed underwater.Minho immediately came back to the surface of the water.He coughed a bit and almost started laughing again but then he noticed that jisung was nowhere in sight.He looked around,but when jisung wasn't anywhere near to find minho got a bad feeling.

"Sungie? Han?" anxiety immediately filled his body.that couldn't happen...

He didn't hesitate when he dived into the water. He opened his eyes and after a few seconds he saw jisung.His foot was stuck betweent two rocks and he was anxiously trying to free himself.Minho dived down.His own air was getting less to but somehow he managed to pull the rock away,and jisung back to the surface.They dragged themself back to the warm sand.

Jisung coughed a little bit water out,that he swallowed when he panicked.

"Are you okay hannie? Oh god i was so scared.W-when the wave came and pulled us u-underwater and i immediately was at the surface again,but you w-weren't near and i...i thought you drowned or w-worse and-"

Jisung stopped the anxious rambling from minho, by putting his hand over minhos mouth.

"Min it's okay,i'm fine alright?" Jisung said with his voice a bit hoarse from the salt water but a smile in it.

Minho let out a shaky exhale,noticing he hadn't breathed. He leaned nearer to jisung,who wrapped his arms around him.

"Why are you comforting me now?"Minho asks skeptically,but laying down his head on jisungs shoulder.He was glad nothing happened to jisung.

Jisung chuckled. "You are like a little cat,you always need comfort and someone who tells you that things are alright"

Minho snorted. A little cat? Jisung had a courage to say that.He was the one always acting like a baby.Altough minho liked being a bit babied and cared for secretly.

They both went back to their things.trying to dry their clothes.After a good sun bath,one more snack time and a bunch of jokes it's time to go home.

"It's getting dark we should drive back to the dorms"Minho says,starting to pack up the things. Han nods and also starts packing things.But then he remembers something. "Min!Will you make a pic with me with the digitalcamera? I make pictures with is since our debut so i can remember every good moment we all have." Minhos gaze softens when he sees the excitement so bright in jisungs eyes. He sits down besides jisung,and together they make a few pictures,of them with the ocean on it. Jisung kindly smiles when he looks through the photos. He loved collecting memories. At the sight of him smiling at simple photos made minhos heart melt.Jisung was a pure guy.

but suddenly minho gets distracted.Jisung almost had a heart attack when suddenly minho jumped up and ran a few steps and then crouched down in the sand.

Oh no.Jisung knew that pose.It was his look-what-a-cute-cat-i-found pose.That meant they wouldn't be able to drive home for the next thirty minutes.

"Give me the cat food from my jacket"Minho demands and jisung sighs and walks over to him and the cat, with the food.

Minhos eyes sparkle.It looks like suddenly the cat put a thousands stars in them.Exactly like when jisung looks at his pictures. Jisung had to hold back his laughter,minhos felt the same with cats that he felt when he looked at memories.he really could be a weird but a really kind guy. But also,Jisung liked when his eyes were like this.They looked deeper than the deepest spot in the ocean,prettier than all the stars on the sky.Jisung would give the world just so that spark never gets lost.Jisung smiled and looked at the cat.

"It's really cute"

"Yeah right?! I wanna take it home but soonie doongie and dori don't want another brother." Minho says with excitement but thena little pout steals its way on his face. Jisung only laughs at it. "Come on min,you fed the cat well,it will survive but your real babies miss you.or did you forget them already?" Jisung faked a dramatic gasp. " I will drive home alone then and give them to felix." He said,sounding sad and dramatic. He walked to the car but minho ran after him,getting in first.

"Noone trades my cats."

Jisung laughs at the pouting boy.

"Whatever you want min."

[fantasticcloudcreation]

September 16

111.3 - I guess we're getting there, it's just going so slow...

Still trying to get my shit together, organizing the stuff I'm keeping in storage vs donating, I feel like I do this at least once a year and somehow it never seems to get better. I'm a collector and I get attached to things... Dreaming of having my own house one day with an art studio and a library and a thousand shelves for all my knick knacks. One step at a time, the step right now is just getting the stuff sorted out and at least marginally better than when I started; so far I've got 3 bags of donations, 1 bag of trash, many bins for storage... Haven't even started on the van yet but I guess that might have to wait until tomorrow.

Wanted to go to the dispensary today bc they have 20% off edibles but I'm just so mushy and brain dead from this organization process, the thought of driving down the street is just exhausting lol guess I'm paying full price for them tomorrow 🤡

Feeling very low energy. Didn't even feel excited about the number on the scale even though it's the lowest I've seen all year. Drinking tea right now trying to get some energy back up so I can finish this cursed task and move on...

Bigger picture : everything is working out. In a week I'll be halfway across the country starting work again; haven't done a full festival build like this since, April??? Yikes I'm gonna be so sore. But my body is gonna love the exercise, and with no one paying attention to what I'm eating I'm sure I'll lose a lot more over the next couple months. This place always hits me with unnecessary stress and depression but as soon as I get back on the road everything will be fine. Relax and trust the process.

Good things : my XS hiking pants that have been in storage finally fit! Even if this organization process feels like Sisyphus and his giant rock, it's still like 1/3 improvement over how it started, next time will be easier. I have a whole collection of cool items and useful art supplies and I'm finding all these great things I forgot I had, I feel like I'm going shopping without spending any money, one day I'll get to have them all in my house and for now, it's fine! I'm almost done, one more day, then I'm headed to Texas where I get to work with all my friends/hang out at the hotel/see cool bands (and I'm not at LL which I'm very grateful for...) and I'm gonna make money and learn new things and challenge my body and create stronger friendships with coworkers. Even if I don't leave til Wednesday I'll still have 6 days to drive there which will be fun and relaxing and not a crazy mad dash across the country like I usually do. Even if I don't buy edibles on the discount day I still get to buy them from a reputable source and I won't have to be paranoid about bud in TX.

Did I mention that my XS hiking pants actually fit?? I don't think they fit even when I got them, they still had the tags on them and one pair is still in the packaging. It feels nice to actually be getting skinny again; thinking about how big I felt leaving TX in May, 4 months later I'm heading back to TX, 10 pounds down and it feels like I'm on a roll with it. Not as much as I wanted considering it's been 4 months but at least it's been consistent and I haven't really been trying that hard, intermittent dieting vs enjoying my life with food and alcohol, it's felt like a good balance and it's nice to see I can still make progress without being insane about it. Feels more sustainable this time too. I'll probably be under 110 by the time I get to TX bc I'm lazy about food while road tripping lol. Unfortunately I just checked the weather and it's gonna be in the 90s, oof, glad I got a lil taste of fall before I head over there but yikes it's gonna be hard to readjust to the heat...

I'm so sleepy bc I accidentally stayed up til 3am knitting a hat lmfao, had a moderately productive morning and now I'm dilly dallying so hard but I'm almost done, will be done by tonight... Ultimately I just need to relax because everything is fine and I'm blessed in so many ways and I'm grateful for this weird silly journey that I'm on, life is weird and fun and full of ups and downs, I'm about to travel through a portal and end up in a new environment and a new phase of life! Grateful to spend so much time with my family this summer, grateful for all the opportunities popping up in my life. Surrendering and relaxing and getting through the sticky parts one step at a time.

[steamishot]

tired

i felt so tired/stressed this past week, from work, PMS, and secondhand stress from matt - he had 3 interviews back to back (tues-thurs) and i basically listened in on everything (also my fault, i like to be nosy lol). another hospital in redlands will be flying him out for an in-person interview mid-september. because we already had a double date planned with S&I, and G will actually be in town for a couple days for work, we decided that i won't tag along this time and matt will only go for 3 days. i've literally lost count of how many flights to CA he'll have for the rest of this year.

since last wednesday, i was internally freaking out about having slacked off so much at work in the VCP aspect, that i went hardcore at getting the tasks done. we just had the last academic affairs meeting in which i'll be in my current role today. dr. m touched on my leave at the beginning of the meeting, and joked saying "i'm quitting" in response, which was cute. but i was like, i hope you mean it and you're not complaining about me behind the scenes lol.

after the blood, sweat and tears from this one week of "hardcore" work, i felt content that i had a clear presentation with where we are with everything. honestly, i'm not sure what is better. when i'm really busy, it's stressful, but i feel like i'm contributing and making a difference. on the other hand, now the pendulum has swung back to being on the boredom side. anyhow, i'm excited for my new role and to learn new things!

recently, i've also been experiencing health anxiety. i accidentally missed my radiology appointment when i was in town earlier this month. i was NOT looking forward to doing a transvaginal ultrasound and was slightly relieved when i missed my appointment, but now that i've been having these weird aches/tension, i wish i didn't miss my appointment. i'll need to wait until i'm back in town late sept/early oct to get a checkup for peace of mind.

this weekend, matt and i did a last minute trip to the hamptons and montauk. we used our chase points to get a hyatt hotel at riverhead, and my capital one travel credit to get a rental car from manhattan. i decided i wanted to go this weekend because it would be the only time we could go while the weather is still warm. we got to visit four farms/farmstands, go to cooper's beach twice (one of the prettiest beaches i've been to), see how some people live in the hamptons, and eat a yummy beachside lunch at hooked.

being in southhampton/cooper's beach, the scenery was so pretty i was able to forget about life's stresses for a while. i think long island/driving towards montauk is completely underrated. i would say southampton/cooper's beach is now one of my fav places of the east coast. the trip was quite nice, but very tiring because of all the driving. i also couldn't sleep much the first night in the hotel because i had drank too strong of a milk tea earlier that day lol. pms + sleep deprived + stressed from work + being under the sun in the car too long = grouchy me.

life updates:

R&TL are moving to NYC this week! TL is already here securing an apartment, and R will be flying over this saturday. we're planning on hanging out with TL for a bit this thursday for dinner, and i may go see them over labor day at their new place

went to my first cuculi event last weekend with T - bbq at governors island. i met a new chinese friend J, who moved from boston and spoke to me a lot in chinese. also, there was a black guy M who made me feel really uncomfortable. i was chitchatting with people and i think he misinterpreted my friendliness as interest. he ended up leaving the event the same time as me, T&J, which meant i had to take the subway back with him as we were both going towards brooklyn. he asked me 3x about plans to hang out even though i didn't show interest after the first time. ugh.

we have a trip planned to boston next week! i wanted to visit K in her element before leaving the east coast. obviously, i'm trying to pack everything in before winter comes lol. i've only met her once before for a couple hours when she visited nyc, but we've been chatting online for like 3 years now. it'll be matt's first time meeting her. i foresee that this trip will be tiring as well due to the driving but hopefully chill in terms of activities. we'll be doing 2 nights in boston and 2 nights at the getaway machimoodus :)

my friend G told me about the mouse jiggler so i bought one off amazon - that has been quite life changing haha

my parents are on their alaskan cruise right now, matt's parents are traveling on their 21 day african trip, and my friend K is vacationing in vancouver (her first vacation in 2+ years)

i got my bridesmaids dress altered (who knew this would be so expensive), and have a wedding guest outfit for the remaining two weddings this year

matt and i joined a running group last wednesday, south brooklyn running club. it was really nice, even though my knees were destroyed the day after lol. the roundtrip walk to the meeting point in carroll gardens was 2 miles, and we ran about 4.5 miles on top of that. the award for the slowest runner goes to.... me! a nice white lady kat helped keep me accountable. i would have given up after mile one if she didn't continue subtly peer pressuring me to run haha. although it was fun, i'm not sure if i'd return because most people who go are really fit and can easily run 9 min (multiple) miles, and have done or are training for a marathon. however, i'm glad to check "running club" off the bucket list.

[golfupnorth]

Welcome to our May Newsletter!

Congratulations to the winner this month!

Carl H.

You are the winner of the April newsletter.

You submitted the correct answer – Bear Lake Highlands was the previous name of Wolf River Golf Park.

Your Golf Up North Schwag is on the way!

If you would like a chance to win some Golf Up North schwag, you have to subscribe to the newsletter. Subscribe at Golf Up North Newsletter and be on the mailing list for the June 1, 2023 edition.

IT IS SNOWING IN NORTHERN MICHIGAN!

It is May 1st, I was shocked to see snowflakes hitting my deck and sticking! In the first few years of living Up North we did get snow on Mother’s Day a few times, so I guess I should not be complaining too much… yet.

With the crazy weather we have been having, we highly recommend verifying that a course is open before heading out.

Honesty is the best policy

Going to be honest with you all, I forgot I had a newsletter to send out today until yesterday at 4pm. I apologize if it is lacking.

We have been getting some feedback on our newsletters and golf in general. A few folks have asked who I am. In past issues I have mentioned a husband, kids, and grandkids and that I started golfing later in life, but other than that I had not shared much. This newsletter will rectify that.

I also received an email from Diana that asked about woman friendly courses and if I could talk about those courses. We will do that in this issue as well.

Who am I?

I have a short bio that I use in many of my blog posts that pretty well sums up who I am. Today you get the long version. 😊

My name is Marisa (you all probably figured that out from my email LOL), and I moved to Northern Michigan in 1995 from SE Michigan with my husband Steve and our 4 children. Prior to moving north, we vacationed here a lot and always dreamed of moving “Up North.” After moving north, we still vacationed up here taking the kids on mini and long adventures.

I really came to appreciate Northern Michigan and the beauty of what the area had to offer after Steve died. I discovered many amazing trail networks that I could walk for miles screaming and crying while I looked for ways to cope with my loss.

A few years later I met Guy who would eventually become my second husband. We actually got married on the golf course after we hosted a 9 hole scramble with friends and family.

Guy convinced me to give just 9 holes a try and I was hooked. He has golfed for 40+ years and is the contributor for the guy golf trips I talk about.

I know I have mentioned Mother’s Day at the driving range with Steve and the kids, which was true, I just never wanted to try golf back then. Something clicked in my 50’s and I tried it and LOVED it! Discovering golf provided me another place outdoors to spend time. I enjoy all sports and spent years watching various sports on television with the kids.

My Family

At this point we have my 4 kids (1 girl, 3 boys), Guy’s son and 8 grandchildren that make up our family. My 3 boys golf as does 2 daughter-in-laws and one granddaughter and one grandson. Having a lot fun golfing with my kids and their kids and introducing the younger ones to the game.

For as long as I can remember I have been the family writer and poet. Creating the Golf Up North website with the purpose of my easily finding courses to golf at has led to several other websites providing entertainment or information and giving me a creative outlet for my writing.

If you would like to read some of my stories not about golf you can visit Adventures in Northern Michigan and Northern Michigan History.

In future issues we will introduce the other 2 key members of the Golf Up North Team, Josh and Arianna.

Women in Golf

Last week on Facebook I shared an article (you have to sign up for a free trial to read the entire article) about Nancy Henderson’s work to increase female golf participation.

It reminded me of my first-year golfing. I have talked about Guy stressing etiquette and pace of play to me a lot. If I saw someone coming up behind us I would worry that they would see me drive only 100 yards. Would they make an assumption and make a snarky remark? I was concerned not only about holding folks up, but nasty attitudes as well. Early in my golfing career I was lucky to not have experienced that. I did however experience it later.

I have always played rounds fast and do not do practice swings. Figuring out which way the wind is blowing or looking for my ball for more than about 60 seconds is not something I have patience for. If I am not being held up, I can golf 18 holes in about 3 ½ hours or less.

My first year golfing a couple came up behind us and we apologized and asked if they wanted to play through, that I was still new to the game. Both of them stressed that it was okay, and they loved seeing other women on the course. They came by to encourage me, not to complain.

Since that first year I had not had anyone be rude to my face on a course. I have always felt welcomed and encouraged for the most part until last summer.

There can be jerks anywhere, even the golf course

I mentioned this incident in my newsletter about Northport Creek Golf Course. We asked 3 guys if we could go ahead and tee off since they were waiting for their fourth (their tee time was in 5 minutes we were after them).Their knee jerk reaction was to look at me and ask with a just horrible tone and facial expression if I would be playing slow. My knee jerk reaction was forget it, we would wait. As it turned out their foursome were holding up our twosome and never would let us play through. Was it an A-hole move on their part? I thought so.

Of course, whether you are a man or woman I am sure at one time or another you have had the evil eye sent your way, heard the grumbling behind you or have been hit up on. Folks make judgements based on age (young and old), gender and even the quality of the clubs they see on the cart. One of the best golfers I have ever met was 80+ years old, recently recovered from back surgery and was crushing them from the black tees. Looks can be deceiving.

Ignore the Haters

Diana, I believe all courses are women friendly, even the high-level ones and you should golf where you want and have fun. You have just as much right to golf there as they do. I would recommend that you keep practice swings to a minimum, don’t try to find a truly lost ball, and play ready golf. If you do those things the folks behind you have no reason to complain. Plus, you can always let them play through if they are riding up on you or you are slowing them down.

There will always be jerks no matter where you golf, just depends on whether they are there the day you are.

My recommendation to all is to not make assumptions about how things are going to go based on preconceived ideas. Remember what they say about assuming. I have to admit though I thoroughly enjoyed them seeing that I was very capable of maintaining pace of play and if we had gone head-to-head, I may have even beaten a few. 😊

Virginia Golf

I mentioned in our last issue my plans to head to Virginia to get some golf in and try out my new 9 wood. Well, we did exactly that over Easter and of course that was the week it was in the 80’s in Northern Michigan. It was in the 60’s in Virginia Beach.

Regardless of the temperature we were able to get 2 rounds in with one of my boys and I put the 9 wood to the test. Slow start with the 9, but it started coming through for me and I am excited about golfing this season!

Pictured above is Virginia Beach National Golf Course

Northern Michigan Courses are Opening.

Many courses are open, and more are announcing their opening daily. We are keeping our website updated with the latest information.

Visit Golf Up North and scroll down the home page and you will see where you can choose a region and it will take you to a page that lists courses open and courses opening soon with anticipated open dates for that area.

We are monitoring all the courses websites, social media and emails they are sending and updating our website as information comes in. We encourage area courses to either post on our group page or email me at marisa@golfupnorth with opening information.

Remember this is Northern Michigan and the weather can and does change frequently (snowing May 1st!). Verify with the course that they are open and offering the services you are interested in before heading out.

Things have changed in the 50+ years Since Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse lived. Seeing as we were talking about women and golf I thought I would share this quote. 🙂

Follow us on Social Media

Join the discussion on Golf Up North Facebook Group

Let us know your favorite course, tips or anything golf related! We encourage golf courses to share their news and specials with our group.

You can also like and follow us on Facebook and/or Instagram where we share information on golf courses Up North and what we think are funny or interesting tidbits about golf.

Share Your Favorite Course With Us

We would love to hear about your favorite Course in the Upper Peninsula or Northern Lower Michigan. Send pictures of golfing your favorite course and a couple of sentences about why you love the course. We will share your pictures and recommendations with our readers and on our social media accounts. If you include a mailing address, we will send you some Golf Up North schwag as a thank you!! Send your pictures and comments to marisa@golfupnorth.com

Find your Up North Golf Course

If you would like to find your perfect Up North golf course visit Golf Up North.

We hope you enjoyed our latest issue of The Golf Up North Newsletter. Click here to see all the pictures we have taken of golf courses over the years.

Disclosure: We never tell a course who we are when we book and play a course. We do not ask nor will we accept free rounds to write about a course. We pay full price for our rounds for everyone in our group.

Golf Up North is part of the Up North Entertainment Group. Our family of sites also includes Up North Entertainment, Up North Wineries, Up North Breweries, Golfing Northern Michigan, Adventures in Northern Michigan, and Northern Michigan History.

[suckitsurveys]

Do you know anyone currently pregnant?   Yes, someone who works in our department is pregnant.

Have you ever fallen in public?   Yes.

Did you ever own those moon shoes?   No.

What were some toys you enjoyed in your childhood?   Barbies, Beanie Babies, roller blades, bikes.

Do you enjoy dancing or going to clubs?   I like to dance but not in clubs.

Take this space to appreciate someone or something in your life. My husband has been keeping the apartment so clean and keeping up with dishes and the cat boxes and it has really allowed me to be able to go to the gym and my swim class without stressing about the house and giving me time too focus on myself. He’s so great and I love him so much.

Do you have any plans in the upcoming weeks?   Yes! Lots of stuff this month. Helping my sister paint/move, going to a Cubs game or two, seeing Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s tour, my niece’s 5th birthday/party.

What have you done to treat yourself lately?   I bought myself a ticket to go see Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

What’s your favorite thing to do when the weather is bad?   Depends on what you mean by bad weather. Do you enjoy going to the park?   I do.

Do you have any allergies?   Sure.

Which is more dreaded.. doing dishes or cleaning out the fridge?   Cleaning out the fridge leads to doing dishes, so definitely that.

Do you blast music while driving or do you find that annoying? I like it a little loud.

Do you know anyone named after each season?   Nope.

What’s the last thing you had to write down?   Something for work.

If you had to cook a meal, what would you make?   It would definitely depend.

What time do you normally feel most awake?   Lol most what?

Do you ever do breathing exercises?   Yeah, sometimes to relieve anxiety. What was the last thing you cleaned?   Myself.

Have you ever had a concussion?   No.

What do you think of TikTok?   It’s a love/hate relationship. It keeps me occupied when I’m bored or anxious but then I catch myself doomscrolling.

Are you able to rap fast?   Some songs, sure.

What have you been doing today? other than surveys :p   Working.

What questions do you enjoy answering?   I like surveys like these.

Would you consider your life to be chaotic or more chill?   It’s a good mix.

Do you prefer long or short sleeve tops?   Short sleeve tops and then a hoodie over it if I’m cold I don’t like long sleeve tshirts for whatever reason. I feel like that’s too much of a commitment. If I wear a hoodie over a short sleeve tee I can always take it off if I am too warm.

When was the last time you had a bellyache?   Yesterday.

Are you close with your siblings? if you don’t have them, do you wish you did?   I am close with her.

What are 3 essentials in your pantry right now?   Everything bagel seasoning, some sort of chips or crackers, rice.

What’s something you are thankful for?   My husband.

Have you ever seen a tsunami in person?   No.

How many mirrors are in your house?   4.

Do you enjoy cloud watching?   Sure.

Have you ever held a wild animal?   Yes.

Do you enjoy playing uno?   Yes.

Is it currently nighttime where you are?   No, it’s 10am.

What was the last thing you broke? The system we use at work, oops lol. It’s fine now and it was an accident but that was a lil scary this morning.

Would you consider yourself to be naive?   In some ways.

What’s a song you’ve had on repeat recently? Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac.

[longlostzoldyck]

nanny dearest

❥ maki zenin x f!reader

❥ wc: 2k words, mdni (18+ content), all characters are aged up

❥ warnings/tags: smut, use of sex toys, dirty talk, excessive use of petnames, age difference (reader is in early 20s, maki is in early 40s), oral (f. receiving), pussy spanking

❥ summary: maki thinks she might have developed a crush on her kids' babysitter.

❥ notes: day 3 of the valentine's playlist and it was about time i wrote something with maki. see you tomorrow lol xx thea

valentine's playlist | day 2 | m.list

when a friend asked you to step in to babysit her boss' kids for the night, you thought it would be a one night thing. you'd do her the favor and then she'd owe you one. afterwards though, every time she couldn't show up, she'd call you to go in her place instead. it was really good money and you only had to babysit two kids for a couple of hours.

oh, and to top it all of the kids' mom, ms. zenin, was so hot it was worth it. its not like you saw her for long, only catching a brief glimpse of her when she'd return home all exhausted from work, but you looked forward to those brief moments before she sent you on your way home.

today you had actually been there for far longer than you ever intended. you had a free day from work and school, so when your friend called you about stepping in for her at the zenin's, you jumped at the opportunity for the extra cash. you arrived shortly after noon as the kids had returned home early from a half-day and helped them with their homework.

you started working on some dinner for them when when ms. zenin called again. she had complications at work and would have to stay there until late.

"i'm sorry to ask, but i really need someone to stay with them. i'll pay you double obviously and order some food for all of you on me," she said quickly, her voice evidently overwhelmed with stress.

"already making kaori and seiji some noodles so i'll just make some more and make it dinner," you replied and she simply let out the breathe she felt like she had been holding for hours just happy that you seemed so fine with staying there late.

"thank you, y'n. you don't know how much i appreciate it."

she arrived close to midnight. the kids were long asleep and you had just gotten around to cleaning up some of their mess. you had ended up coloring and building a blanket fort with them before you eventually coaxed them to bed. she left her things by the door before checking on the kids herself them returning to find you warming up a plate of noodles for her.

"thank you so much again, for everything, y/n, really. the last 48 hours have just... they've been a mess," she explained with a sigh.

"i'm glad to help. seiji and kaori are hard to not adore so...," you said with a small smile.

"yeah, their mom liked to joke that they took after her," she said jokingly grabbing a fork and digging in to the noodles, letting out a moan when she took in the delicious taste. "you make a good little cook too."

you blushed slightly at the compliment as she finished her meal. it was always like this between you too: little compliments here and there, lingering stares, accidental touches that didn't feel so accidental. you headed to the bathroom quickly before making your way out. you peaked your head out noting the heavy snow.

"oh, wow, it's snowing," you said out loud which made maki smile. she crossed the room to your side seeing it was snowing just as heavy as when she arrived, the snow starting to build up at the sides of the street.

"yeah. it's been snowing for a couple of hours. it's pretty bad," she commented. you had forgotten it was meant to snow later today. you just didn't plan on being here that long and weren't prepared to make your way home in the snow.

"shit, i forgot it was going to snow," you complained with a sigh.

"do you want me to give you a ride home?," she offered as you swung your bag around your shoulder.

"i don't think you should be driving in this weather," you responded which only made her smile.

"you could just stay here," she said jokingly which made you giggle and flick your eyes up to her.

she moved her eyes away from the snow to meet yours. maki knew it was a terrible idea before she even did it, but she leaned down pressing her lips to yours, unable to resist your doe eyed expression. you moaned into her lips letting her tongue into your mouth before dropping your purse on the floor again and wrapping your arms around her neck.

she easily scooped you up in her arms returning your kiss and helping you wrap your legs around her waist. she then took you both to her bedroom, dropping you on her king-sized bed and caging you between her arms before crashing her lips against yours softly rubbing her knee against your core as you continued making out.

"ma-maki," you gasped as she bit on your bottom lip. "need you."

she smiled at your pleas sitting back to take a brief look at you laying on your back with your legs spread for her. who would wear such a short skirt in this cold? she ran her fingers along the outline of your white stockings which rested on your plump thighs.

"maki, please..." you practically begged arching your back slightly off the bed needing to feel her touch you.

she finally obliged, pinching the zipper of your skirt and pulling it down before tugging the skirt down your body stopping to look at your lacy thong. she should have known you were going to have white lace on.

"don't think i didn't notice that you're skirts get shorter every time you come here," she pointed out before pressing a quick slap to your clothed pussy. "been begging to be destroyed, haven't you, baby?," she asked rubbing your clit over your underwear leaving you a moaning mess. her words alone had you moaning, and the way she was touching was already driving you insane. "answer me when i talk to you, angel."

"yes, maki. i need you please," you begged against her lips also rubbing yourself against her fingers. "i need to feel you inside me please."

"don't get so excited already, baby," she chuckled slightly at your response moving her hands up to your hips. "let's get you out of these."

she slipped your soaked underwear down your thighs before pressing soft kisses on your thighs making her way to you inner thigh, kissing and bitting the tender skin as you squirmed at her touch. she held your hips down as she finally ran her tongue up and down your slit slowly coaxing your soft folds open. you moaned loudly, your back arching off the bed at the feeling of her finally touching you so intimately, proceeding to suck on your clit.

"ma-maki...," you moaned digging your fingers into her hair pulling her closer to your core.

"if you keep moaning like that sweetheart, im gonna lose it," she praised you before digging back in to suck on your bundle of nerves swiping the bud in her tongue back and fourth before switching to draw figure eights. "don't hear you moaning so much now."

she slipped in one of her slender fingers rubbing your soaked walls as she pumped it into your soaked core. your back arch off her bed again, a silent scream emerging from your throat as she pushed you over the edge when she added a second finger, cumming on her fingers harshly.

she lapped up all your juices as you rode her face, extending your high the most she could. her touch was just heavenly, harsh then followed by soft licks almost to sooth your folds after her harsher licks. she climbed out of bed leaving you still buzzing from your orgasm. you knew you shouldn't stay. what if seiji or kaori woke up? how ere you supposed to explain that their babysitter was still there because mommy was fucking her stupid?

the bed dipped below you and you felt maki's fingertips run up your legs and then thighs. you flicked your eyes back open to see she had actually changed as you still recovered from your orgasm. she had unbuttoned the first couple of buttons of her top showing off her collar bones and bra straps. then you flicked your eyes down to be met by the neon strap-on she had tied around her hips.

"thought i was already done with you, angel?," she said with a sly smile as she positioned herself above your body, making you suddenly aware of how much larger she was than you. she palmed and groped your curves in admiration of how addicted she was already. your little moans and sighs, the way your thighs jiggle when she squeezed them, how your tits feel pressed against her chest... all of it came together to have her a groaning and needy mess above you.

she finally rested her cockhead against your folds, pressing just against the entrance which already had you groaning in her lips. she smiled, giving you what you wanted and just pushing her cock inside your pulsating pussy. you screwed your eyes shut at the feeling of her stretch, the pain and pleasure mixing to create a sensation you had never felt.

"i know, baby. i know," she cooed easing in the next centimeters a bit slower before finally bottoming out. you struggled against your own body holding back a scream of pleasure wanting to just scream and let her hear how good she was making you feel, but knowing it could wake up the kids. "doing so well, angel," she praised swallowing your whimpers with her tongue.

she proceeded to pull out her cock to the very tip before slamming it back in, setting a mind numbing pace, just needing to fuck out all her frustrations and you were her outlet. her earth-shattering pace was directly contradicted by her soft kisses, sensually slotting her lips against yours almost swallowing your mouth whole.

"tell me what you need to cum, baby," she whispered against your lips. you just tried your best to put words together, but failed miserably instead tugging on one of her wrists. you led her hand to your neck and she simply smiled.

she pressed on the sides of your throat restricting your windpipe, using her grasp to jam her cock into you leaving you numb on her cock that you couldn't even let out a moan. the pleasure started to build up in the pit of your stomach and you shot your eyes open meeting hers as she continue to ram her cock into you.

"my good little girl. letting me use your body like this," she said so sweetly as she rubbed your sweet spot with her cock. you were a goner the second she nudged your sweet spot and came roughly, gripping on to her as tight as you could as you struggled to control the pleasure coursing through your body. "you're so pretty when you cum." you blushed slightly at her words, unconsciously squeezing your pussy around her cock.

she softly ran her fingers around your collarbones and down to your hips while shifting her lips to your neck. she had just made you cum so hard, but you felt your body reigniting instantly at the feeling of her soft touches on your skin.

"gonna pull out. take a deep breath," she cooed softly before pulling out her cock.

you winced as she slipped out her dildo going to the bathroom for a moment. by the time she came back you had been waiting for her for a while. you reached out for her inviting her back to bed with you.

"didn't think you'd be awake," she climbed back into bed pressing a quick kiss to your lips when you moved your hands to her ass pushing her up your body. "now, what are you trying to do, baby?"

"you got your frustrations out, but i wanna make you cum now, so sit on my face," you said and she instead pressed a kiss to your lips.

"baby, i'm gonna have to make you my live in nanny, if you keep pulling shit like this," she sighed against your lips before climbing up your body.

[hermannsthumb]

As per our convo, Newt getting set up with Hermann via Hermann’s father’s binder full of pre-approved suitors for his son...

(from @k-sci-janitor 👀) easily one of our funniest concepts yet. I was going to end on newt coming over for dinner scenario but I like the ominous open ending. I'm not actually sure when kaiju attacks fall in the PR timeline so excuse my handwaveyness, LOL

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hermann’s relationship with his father is what one would call strenuous at best, but—Hermann must admit, to the man’s credit, and in spite of his many flaws—he took the news of Hermann’s sexual orientation as unflinchingly as if Hermann had told him the day’s weather. It was a bit annoying, in fact. Hermann had agonized over the proper way to breach the subject for months, certain it spoke to some sort of personal ruin (whether ostracization from the Gottliebs or being forbade following through on any attraction he may feel whilst still living under the family roof, he wasn't sure), before finally simply announcing it one day at the breakfast table on a whim.

It had been a long-standing tradition that Hermann’s parents compile a binder—effectively of dossiers—on all the most eligible bachelors (for their daughter) and bachelorettes (for their sons) to aid in the choice of the latest Gottlieb mate. It was easiest this way, or so Hermann and his siblings were told. Parental approval was already secured. The histories of each were already secured, which bypassed any nasty shocks that might emerge in the courtship stage. Most of them were children of his father's colleagues or bright minds in their own rights: surgeons, and dentists, and mathematicians. Poets were strictly forbidden.

The occasion of Hermann’s breakfast table announcement had also been the day Hermann’s father presented him with his very first binder of prospective mates—a few days after his eighteenth birthday, and shortly before he was to go off to begin work on his PhD. His father had slid him a hand-written binder of names, no more than a dozen, and all with accompanying photographs. “All are accomplished young women,” he assured Hermann. “We can arrange any meetings of your choice over your winter holidays.”

Hermann glared down at the row of frozen smiles. He stabbed his fork into his cooked tomato wedge. “I don’t want to marry any of these women,” he said, and turned his glare on his father. He still had a rebellious streak in him at that point, something nurtured by a charismatic young man he used to trail after in boarding school, who pierced Hermann’s ear with a sewing needle in the boys’ toilets and listened to songs about setting things on fire. In late this streak had manifested itself in Hermann in nicking packets of cigarettes from his father’s study, one of which was in his pocket now. The weight of it made Hermann feel bolder. “I don’t want to marry any woman,” he continued. “I like men.”

The binder was drawn away in silence, and Hermann was free to eat his toast and tomatoes. The next morning a binder of young men was in its place.

(In a way the acceptance infuriated Hermann. It meant he could not blame his father’s obvious dislike for him on an unfounded, homophobic prejudice; rather, it was a result of Hermann’s own personal failings.)

The binder was placed at Hermann’s breakfast plate every day until he left for his studies. It was placed at his plate when he returned from them five years later. Not even the emergence of the kaiju from the bottom of the ocean shortly after Hermann turned twenty-four dampened his father’s hopes, nor turning all their scientific efforts towards the new jaeger program: some names were removed from the binder (the reasoning Hermann shudders to think at), more still were added, though Hermann is expected only to consider it once a week now on account of his busy schedule. This was one of such days.

“Your brother is very happy with his wife,” Hermann’s father reminds him. “She was one of my first suggestions for him, in fact.”

Hermann is not fond of his sister-in-law. Too rude—too cold. Though perhaps that makes her perfect for Hermann’s brother. “Haven’t we got bigger things to worry about these days than whether or not I’m going to marry?” Hermann says. He adds milk to his tea. “I’m sure they’re all, er, marvelous selections, only—”

“Your sister, too, with her husband,” father says.

Hermann sighs. He hasn’t got much of the rebellious streak he used to in him anymore—too stressed. Not fancying a fight before they’ve even begun today’s coding work, he picks up the binder and begins flipping through it. Sons of engineers working on the jaeger program with them, prominent young chemists, many of whom Hermann has been presented with since he was eighteen. Plenty of them are even handsome. Half of Hermann wonders if he should just pick the least-unappealing one of the bunch and be done with it already. He turns the page over and freezes. “Oh,” he says. “This one is—new.”

“Hm?” father says.

Hermann holds up the binder, tapping at a new entry. “Newton Geiszler.”

“Dr. Geiszler,” father says, nodding. “A child prodigy from Berlin—he’s made tremendous strides in kaiju science in such little time. And,” he adds, “three PhDs. Two of them before he even turned twenty.” The unspoken implication was that Dr. Geiszler far surpassed Hermann in intelligence and Hermann should feel ashamed for not skipping as many grades as Dr. Geiszler.

Hermann feels he ought to resent Dr. Geiszler for it, but he's finding it difficult to summon up any animosity towards him. It's likely because Hermann finds Dr. Geiszler to be strikingly handsome in his photograph: cheeks which haven’t quite lost their baby fat (giving him the appearance of being a scruffy hamster), large, thick glasses, tousled hair, an easy grin. Three PhDs, and German at that. And a child prodigy? “I’m surprised you haven’t mentioned him to me before,” Hermann says. He seems precisely the sort father would. Geiszler’s photograph is black-and-white and a bit grainy, but Hermann swears he could make out the lightest bit of freckles across his cheeks.

“I’d not heard of him until he published an article last week on kaiju biology,” father says. “Besides—he’s moved to America.”

Geiszler has three piercings up the side of his left ear. “I am going to write to him,” Hermann declares.

Father nods, and picks up his newspaper, clearly already disinterested. They speak no more of it that day.

It is not hard to find Dr. Geiszler online (his name is not the most common, and his field of study certainly isn’t), nor is it hard to match his photograph to his faculty page on MIT’s website. From there, Hermann retrieves Dr. Geiszler’s email address. He takes the evening to read over Geiszler’s publications spanning back to 2003 before he gathers up the courage to type out an actual email.

Dear Dr. Geiszler,

You do not know me, but I have recently been made acquaintance with your work and find it—Hermann pauses—scintillating. My father and I are—Hermann backspaces this—I am currently working on the development of the jaeger program…

There’s a response waiting for him the next morning. It’s as enthusiastic as it is brief. Dr. Gottlieb- That’s so awesome!! Believe it or not I’ve been following your work too. I have a million questions for you about the jaegers. If it’s classified info I promise I won’t tell. -Newt

It makes Hermann smile like nothing ever has before.

Hermann’s correspondence with Dr. Geiszler does not transgress beyond the professional until the following January. By that time, Hermann and his father have successfully completed the coding for their first jaeger prototype, and Hermann has been offered his fair share of tenured university positions to pick from as he likes. He finds himself oddly disappointed that none of them are in America with Dr. Geiezler. This, which leads to the realization that he’s grown rather fond of Dr. Geiszler, is perhaps what drives Hermann to uncharacteristic sentimental extremes on January 19th: he orders Dr. Geiszler a birthday present. The first email Dr. Geiszler sends him after that addresses him as Hermann. The first email Hermann sends Dr. Geiszler after that addresses him as Newton. Things move rapidly after that.

“Are you still writing to that young biologist?” Hermann’s father asks him in March. Hermann has spent the last two months devouring every bit of information Newton has seen fit to divulge about his personal life: his dexterity with no less than three different instruments, his favorite loud monster movies, how he’d love to get a kaiju tattooed on him one day. Hermann suspects he might be falling in love with Newton. In hardly five months! These are war times, Hermann supposes, so it would make sense. People are meant to do such extreme things.

“I am,” Hermann says.

“I’ve asked around about him,” Hermann’s father says. His expression is stern—unimpressed. “About his character. I’m not sure it’s wise to continue your correspondence.”

The reasons are this. Dr. Geiszler’s methods are unorthodox. Dr. Geiszler is loud and uncouth, and has little respect for his intellectual superiors. Dr. Geiszler was thrown out of a convention once for storming up on stage and stealing a microphone from an engineer to shout about the destruction coral reefs. Dr. Geiszler was in a distasteful band for several years. Dr. Geiszler was once arrested for egging a politician’s house. Dr. Geiszler has gone on record as describing the kaiju as “kinda cool”. Almost none of this is news to Hermann; in fact, that which is only causes Hermann’s affection for Newton to grow. “I will consider your advice,” Hermann says, knowing he won’t. Besides, it's not as if his father really has Hermann's interests at heart—Hermann knows he merely wishes to preempt any scandal Newton Geiszler could possibly bring upon the Gottlieb name.

In April Newton goes on television and declares that he’s sure the kaiju are extraterrestrial in origin, on account of their great size and his brief examination of a sample from the second kaiju to make landfall. He’s laughed off by his older peers before he can get another word out. The email he writes to Hermann afterwards is furious, capslock-heavy, and expresses that Hermann is the only one who takes him seriously in the whole world. It leaves Hermann certain that he is in love with Newton.

“Dr. Geiszler was interviewed on some American television program,” Hermann’s father says a few days later.

“I know,” Hermann says, proudly. Newton was on television. “I watched it.”

“He made some extraordinary claims,” Hermann’s father says.

But Hermann is thinking only of the outfit Newton wore (skinny jeans and an oversized leather jacket, so out of place compared to the suited other scientists sitting around him), the shade of his eyes (hazel), his short stature (hardly taller than Hermann), and the cadence of his voice (high, but not unappealing). He’d been so confident, and carried himself with a self-assurance that was foreign to Hermann. It was marvelously attractive. “I’m sure they're correct,” Hermann says. "Every single one. Newton is a terribly brilliant scientist." All bold claims are met with derision at first, are they not?

Newton’s theory is proven correct after the next kaiju attack, when experts other than him get their hands on kaiju samples and validate his claims. The general consensus after that is that the kaiju are not of this world. And Newton was the first to propose the theory! Hermann sends Newton an email full of congratulations, and Newton responds with a heart emoticon in his sign-off. Newton isn't just a brilliant scientist. “Newton is a genius,” Hermann tells his father, dreamily.

The binder reappears on Hermann’s work desk a few months later, Newton’s page torn conspicuously from it. Hermann tips the whole thing straight into his trash can. He has more important things to worry about—arranging a meeting with Newton, perhaps. Hermann ought to have him over for dinner.

[just-anka]

So now that I've caught up on the holiday waffle, here's a little general life update

🌌 we bought a van yesterday! This concludes a 2-month epic of searching, going to see vans, calling sales people, making decisions. URGH. I'm SO relieved to be done!! And this one fits ALL of our criteria and more, so even though it was a tiny bit above budget we feel really good about it. After selling our car this summer (he was falling apart lol poor old deric) we were initially going to buy a car again, but at some point realised that with what we do with it - largely driving reasonably short distances to the mountains and sleeping in the car - a van makes a lot more sense. So here's to this baby making our next ski season a looot easier than the last :D picking him

🌌 also got a lovely cycle in to get there - took the train there and then cycled back after we finished, the weather was perfect and the route we plotted in 5 mins before leaving was actually amazing

🌌 celebrated with a bbq on our balcony and (non-alcoholic, see below haha) cocktails and it was perfect

🌌 went on a retreat with my institute last week, which marked the end of a lot of stressful work things - it's great doing different things like conferences, teaching, some taught courses etc and I like having the variety, but they also make keeping up with the "actual" work aka lab work and data analysis and stuff more stressful, and after months of a lot of different things I'm quite ready to just spend some time putting my head down and working. The retreat itself was stressful because I have social anxiety and these things always are for me but it was also pretty fun. Had more alcohol in two days than I normally do in two months though haha hence the non-alcoholic cocktails, I need a break I'm too old for this 🤣

🌌 (I'm not sure the emoji fits here but) I broke my foot last week... getting out of the shower. Whyyyyy. I walked into the bathroom cupboard corner, basically, and broke my foot where the little toe attaches. It didn't hurt that much in the moment so I thought I'd just stubbed it but 15 mins later it was swollen, bruised and hurt so much I literally could not focus on anything else o.o

🌌 we had plans to go outdoor climbing the next day and I'd been looking forward to it sooo much so we went anyway - at that point I thought I'd broken the toe, which I've done before, so I took some painkillers, taped the toe to the one next to it and stuffed it into my least aggressive climbing shoes. Still hurt quite a lot but I actually had a really good time climbing with two leads and some seconds :) and we went to a new place which was the best place we've found here yet! And it's super easy to get to so I'm really excited to go back there.

🌌 the next day I found out I'd not broken the toe but the base of my foot but it doesn't really change anything - nothing to be done about it but rest it as much as possible. The retreat wasn't ideal for that obv but I've been trying. Cycling is fine although I can't wear cleats yet, climbing is a no-go for a while 😔 sad times but it could've been worse. It's already improving, the first few days walking was so fucking painful haha. You never notice how much you use something until it breaks 🤣

🌌 today was spent doing absolutely nothing in an attempt to recover from... all of the above, really, and it was glorious. Grey and rainy out so the perfect day for it as well

I think that's it for now? It sure is long enough lol

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Smoke&Mirrors - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Let’s start from the beginning:

Imagine Dragons - Smoke and Mirrors

Okay, so with Stuck in reverse series everything started with one song that inspired me to write something, and you know what happened later.

With this new series, the idea came first (prompted by @vaneilla​’s wonderful brain, and you know what? I actually went back to check that bit of convo, and it was all because @gallifreyan-uprising​ did what she did to TP, so I guess thank you both, ladies!), and then I was looking for THE song, that could serve as an inspiration and as a title.

And because all my best ideas come to me while driving, and I had Imagine Dragons in my car’s CD player… BOOM.

//I'm starting to cave

I'm losing my flame

I wanted your truth

But I wanted the pain

To disappear

Dream maker, life taker

Open up my mind

All I believe

Is it a dream

That comes crashing down on me?

All that I hope

Is it just smoke and mirrors?

I want to believe

But all that I know

Is it just smoke and mirrors?//

This just felt so fitting for Reader and her struggle a little later in the series, and smoke and mirrors alone seemed like just what I needed to capture the essence of the main conflict between Neil and R.

Chapter 1: Imagine Dragons - Natural

I had the title, I knew what I wanted to do in the first chapter, but I still had doubts if I could switch to this new dynamic. -Neil being mean? I mean how even-- I needed a good playlist to get myself in the right mood to set the tone for the whole series, and even when I found a few songs that were good enough, I knew that none of them was the one. And then again, on my way to work, this time from my Spotify playlist - Natural. I literally started screaming when I realized that it was exactly what I’d been looking for. Not only because of its badass vibe, but those lyrics, holy shit -

//That's the price you pay

Leave behind your heart and cast away

Just another product of today

Rather be the hunter than the prey

And you're standing on the edge face up

'Cause you're a natural

A beating heart of stone

You gotta be so cold

To make it in this world

Yeah, you're a natural

Living your life cutthroat

You gotta be so cold

Yeah, you're a natural//

This is R.  “A beating heart of stone / You gotta be so cold / To make it in this world”. Because she might be all spiky and angry on the outside, but why is she that way? Because she has to. Because nothing ever came easy in her life.

And this is Neil, too. A true natural, as TP calls him. But he also plays a role, because he was put in a position he didn’t want. And not only by TP, but also by R. That scene in the bar? He really hopes to clear the air between them, but she is not ready to listen, and keeps antagonizing him. *sigh* We know how it ends up. Anyway -

bonus: Willyecho - Welcome to the fire

Found this one when I was looking for the vibe, and then those lyrics--:

//I'm focused

I've been watching for the omens

I've been listening to everything you've said

Its been running through my head

Locked and loaded

I've got the feeling that you've noticed

Yeah I've only just begun

I won't stop until it's done

'Til you're broken

So welcome to the fire

I'm the one who lit the night up//

-- because yes, R’s that mad at him, TP, the whole world at this point, really.

Chapter 2: Florence + the Machine - What kind of man

So you know, one of the challenges I’d set for myself for this series was to finally write a proper smut. God, was I stressed out (shoutout to my lovely friends who had to listen to my self-doubting whines for quite some time). And as I knew it was supposed to happen in this chapter, and I already had an appropriate build-up in mind, I needed a song. And it wasn’t this one, although it made its way to the chapter’s playlist. But as I actually wrote the whole thing down… I felt it had that vibe.

//You were on the other side, like always

You could never make you mine//

Oh R, my sweet summer child.

//To let me dangle at a cruel angle

Oh, my feet don't touch the floor

Sometimes you're half in and then you're half out

But you never close the door

What kind of man loves like this?//

And that part is just so fitting with the whole confusion.

bonus: Graffiti Ghosts - Last man standing

The one behind the shooting range sequence:

//Your trigger finger better think about your future

You’re getting twisted thinking I don’t want to shoot ya

I’ve been waiting for a long time

and I’m coming back to get what’s mine

Sick of living with your little double faces

I’m getting itchy and so livid I can taste it

I’ve been waiting for a long time

and I’m swinging til I get what’s mine

but I’m not going down

I’m not going down//

Can’t say that R isn’t fantasizing about shooting Neil at some point, it’s all I’m saying. And the vibe was all right, and worked for the sparring scene as well.

bonus:  Zayde Wolf - New Blood

I needed decent background music to write that sparring scene, you know - to hype myself up. And then found this song. Look at the lyrics:

//I spent my whole life chained to the wall

Hunger for more, not afraid to fall

Had to cut a man down to get where I am

But someone had to tumble, and someone had to stand

Don't try to fight, nothin' you can do

I'm gonna run all over you

It's too late to try, there's nothin' you can do

I'm gonna run all over you//

and

//Most of my life was heavy and hard, yeah

So many days, so many scars

But it was all of those years who make who I am, yeah

But I broke through, and here I stand, yeah//

Added to the playlist instantly. You can see it too, right?

bonus: Nothing But Thieves - Itch

I love this band and I’m eternally grateful that my dear friend @connie-nikas​ itroduced me to their music. Spotify suggested that it fit the mood for the playlist I already had for that part, so I checked the lyrics and YES:

//There's a hunger in my heart

It's full of promise, promise

There's an itch under my skin

It's under my skin, under my skin//

...

//There's a blood red on my shirt

And it's shining, shining

There's a sharp pain from my face

I kinda like it, I like it//

...

//I just wanna love

I just wanna touch

I just wanna see

'Cause I, I just wanna feel something real

'Cause I, I just wanna feel something real

Wanna feel something//

It fits more than one moment in the series, but that blood part seemed accurate for sparring, so it stayed in this chapter.

bonus: Dorothy - Wicked ones

Another Spotify suggestion, and it works pretty well for these dumbasses, although this part:

//This night ain't for the faint of heart

For the faint of heart, for the faint of heart

This night ain't for the faint of heart

'Cause the faint of heart gonna fall apart//

--this got me going while I was having heart palpitations as I was getting closer to the locker scene lol.

And then:

//Ain't no sleep when the wicked play

All we do is get laid, uuh uh uuh uuh

Ain't no love when the wicked run

All we do is try to lay off, lay off, lay off

We're the wicked ones, wicked ones//

Fits, right?

bonus: Muse - Undisclosed desires

I -blame- have to thank M for this one, and it was my initial title song for this part. Just see for yourselves:

//I know you've suffered

But I don't want you to hide

It's cold and loveless

I won't let you be denied

Soothing, I'll make you feel pure

Trust me, you can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers

That you're wicked and divine

You may be a sinner

But your innocence is mine

Please me, show me how it's done

Tease me, you are the one//

It just -- it’s not only about that one scene. Maybe it would be even better for part 3? Anyway, could be sung to R almost word for word, right?

Chapter 3: Nothing But Thieves - You know me too well

One of my favourites from this band, and I knew it had to be a title of some part of the story. Because:

//I gave you a call

Baby, I could come by, help forget it all

'Cause in this sticky weather, oh, it's really hard to sleep

As you know all too well

And when we dig together, oh, you make me feel so cheap

But I can't help myself

Filthy impetuous soul

I wanna give it to you

Oh, just to see what you do

'Cause I'm so drunk on you

Baby, you're all that I want

I want you all to myself

Oh, but you know me too well//

So yeah, filthy impetuous soul was only fair to use for that bathroom, right?

//And maybe you're right

We don't get on so well, when we lose the high//

That��s them at this point, all right.

//'Cause every love story always end in tragedy

If you wait long enough//

Oh hello, R’s beliefs here, clear as night.

//Renew me 'cause sometimes I forget

Got my own two hands clenched around my neck//

Could be said by both of them at this point, tbh.

bonus: Leann Rimes - Can’t fight the moonlight

So let me be frank - I knew I wanted to put that bathroom scene somewhere for quite some time, so it’s written purely for self-indulgence. I just needed to find an opportunity. And during one of the brainstorming sessions with A (because she was so kind to help me out with figuring things out when I stumbled over certain plot points, and I can’t thank her enough), the idea of karaoke night came to life and she gave me this song and fuck yes! That was it!  

One of my favourite Neil headcanons is that he likes cheesy songs, and Coyote Ugly movie has a special place in my heart, so I just knew it was the one for him! Especially because:

//Under the lovers sky

Gonna be with you

And no one's gonna be around

If you think that you won't fall

Well just wait until

'Til the sun goes down//

it’s just perfect if you wanna kinda seduce/kinda embarrass someone, right? And also:

//You can try to resist

Try to hide from my kiss

Don't you know, don't you know

That you, can't fight the moonlight

Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart//

Because yes, he wanted to kiss her in that locker room, that’s a thing you do when you’re attracted to someone, right? He thought it was just because of this whole angry sex thing, but was aware of that all the time, that’s why R’s reaction in the bathroom alarms him. I mean it would make him stop anyway, but still.

bonus: Ruelle - Until we go down

The mood progression in this song fried my brain, absolutely amazing!

The lyrics, too:

//And I feel it running through my veins

And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake

Erased, I missed till the break of day

And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake

Until we go down//

bonus: Bishop Briggs - Wild horses

Another song that captures the spirit of what’s going on in R’s head.

//You hold me down in the best way

No quarter from these chains that I've

Slept on my heart for a feeling

Why can't I let my demons out?

Keep screaming into the pillow

Cause your taste still gets me stupid high

Oh glory, I'm a believer

Oh glory, I'm a troubler//

At this point, she’s well aware of the effect Neil has on her, and the internal conflict is strong in this one.

//You call my truth in the worst way

Through the dirty lands of a broken smile

And I swear I'm not a pretender

Sometimes it's love who's the baby's cry

So, I keep on damning the devil

And you keep on saying it's alright

Oh glory, I'm a believer

Oh Lord, I'm holding tight, but//

And the whole vibe of this song, it’s like fuck I’m losing my mind, but I want you and I want you now. Just makes my breath hitch.

bonus: Transviolet - Bloodstream

And as I needed a certain mood, -(ended up actually writing with TENDER in the background because apparently I need a complete opposite mood seeping through my headphones to write any smut at all but anyway...)-, and this song is just...wow.

//Fingertips drip down my spine

Cruel desire, danger in our consequence

You look my way and I lose my…

Hey, you wanna rule the world?

Outlaw love, make you lose control

Hey, hey, boy you got me like whoa

White hot, adrenaline baby

In my veins, you got me praying

Whoa, whoa, whoaaaa

My pretty blue lips begging

Take me, I need you in my bloodstream

Hold me, break me

My breath is for holding, overdose me

I need you in my bloodstream

Hold me, break me, break me//

Hot. I won’t be taking any notes.

Chapter 4: Aimee Mann - Save me

You remember that part 4 was supposed to be the last one? Don’t ask me, I don’t know how I would manage to get that emotional progression from these dumbasses by the end of that part, so I’m glad y’all voted on splitting it into 2 (and then another 2) parts. But I already had a playlist for the finale, and then had to make a new one, and then had too many possible title songs.

Why did this one win? Because in my brain it’s directly connected to my OTP and also fits this part of the story. I battled myself if it was a spoiler or not (and also had trouble getting to terms with R ever admitting that she needs to be saved), but then thought - eh, what the hell, it has the right lyrics and a proper mood, and here it is.

//You look like a perfect fit

For a girl in need of a tourniquet

But can you save me

Come on and save me

If you could save me

From the ranks of the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone//

and that shift to this part, oh my heart:

//Except the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone

Except the freaks who could never love anyone.//

bonus: Jamie O'Neal - All by myself

Okay, so the car scene was in my mind for a little while, and in the initial outline, aka part 4 is the finale I couldn't find a place for it and thought I might end up making a one shot out of it, so when I actually had enough time to write it into the story, I was so excited!

I was looking for a song, and the first one that came to my mind was Air Supply - All out of love, but I could never beat what Jensen Ackles did in the outtakes of that one Supernatural episode, so I had to abandon that song, sadly. And then I thought about the one with basically the same vibe and *ding ding ding*.  And of course Neil would know it. And would know what movie this is from (just look at him and try telling me he doesn’t like British rom-coms, I dare you). And would tease R about it. (and that’s why I used that cover of this song).

//Hard to be sure

Sometimes I feel so insecure

And loves so distant and obscure

Remains the cure

All by myself

Don't wanna be

All by myself

Anymore//

bonus: Meg Myers - Motel

I’ve discovered Meg’s music just because of Spotify’s recommendations, and oh my god, it’s amazing! And this song just felt right for their talk during the stakeout, just look at the lyrics:

//You're weak, broken in a motel

You blink, tears are falling down, down, down

And you're free, free inside your own hell

You speak, someone let me out, out, out

And I can't stop this pain, it only grows

Tell me why I always feel alone

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

Show me what I'm really living for

I wanna love, wanna live, wanna breath, wanna give

But it's hard and it's dark and we're doomed from the start

I wanna love, wanna live, wanna breathe, wanna give

But it's hard and it's dark and I'm falling apart//

ahh, nothing like a good old angst, am I right? Perfect for writing about the more vulnerable sides of them.

bonus: Fear Of Men - Sane

There is just something in this song that resonates deeply, you know?

//I see you drowning

Half flesh half stone

With ambitions that drain your health

You hear me

(Secrets)

You run from me

You hear me

(You hear me)

I know

You hear me

(Secrets)

You run from me

You hear me

(You hear me)

You know, you know, you know

It’s in your eyes when you’re perfectly sane

It’s in your blood when you can’t bear these heavy thoughts again

It’s in your eyes when you’re perfectly sane

It’s in your blood when you can’t bear these heavy thoughts again//

bonus: Laura Doggett - Beautiful undone

That track almost ended up as the title. When I stumbled upon this song, I was completely blown away, as in I-had-it-on-repeat-for-4h-straight blown away.

//I took you walking

Through the murmurations of my mind//

that line just strikes me right through the heart, and it gets even better later:

//I'm looking down and my heart's connected

I'm feeling love from a different view

We learn the most when we least expect it

We learn the most when we break in two//

I don’t think that any of them expects to learn more about each other during that one mission. I mean sure, Neil counts on it, but doesn’t know what it's gonna be. And if she lets him into his head at all.

//You know you're beautiful undone

(Shine on)

So beautiful undone

You look beautiful undone

(Hearts connected)

My boy of blue.//

My boy of blue. I don’t know why it screamed Neil to me, but it did.

//It's the cracks that let the light shine

It's the cracks that let the light shine through.//

And that’s exactly it.

Chapter 5: LAUREL - Blue blood

Okay, THIS song, as soon as I heard it, I was like - this is it, this is her.

//You woke me up for your blue blood

Made me come undone

Can't believe you've been here the whole time

Too nice to pass you by and I can't believe

You've been here the whole time

You made me feel again

Made me dance circles 'round the pieces of your heart

You made me feel again

After the last time, didn't think that I could love//

That “was he always so gorgeous” moment, right? When she just sees him for the first time this way. And is slowly coming to terms with her feelings.

bonus: Prep School - Come as you are

So this one… We all know the original song (or this is my old ass talking), but only when I heard this cover, I really felt it, you know?

//Come as you are, as you were

As I want you to be

As a friend, as a friend

As an old enemy//

Just made me think about R being ready to get to know Neil better. About the shift in their dynamic.

//When I swear that I don't have a gun

No I don't have a gun//

She lets her guard down, and is ready to trust him.

Also - how great is the mood of this song? That crescendo just takes my breath away, and that calmer moment at the end? Good god. Utter perfection.

bonus: Ray LaMontagne - Such a simple thing

I’ve been sitting on this song for quite some time, and just had to find a suitable moment for it. And this was it.

//Tell me what you're feeling

I can take the pain

Tell me that you mean it

That you won't leave again

Tell me what your heart wants

Such a simple thing

My heart is like paper

Yours is like a flame

I can't make you see

If you don't by now

I'll get through these chains

Some how, some how

Take it if you want it

I'm so tired I just don't care

Can't you see how much you hurt me?

It's like I wasn't there//

My heart just aches while I listen to this song. It’s so tender, and yet so heartbreaking.

bonus: Keane - Hamburg sing

When A sent me this song, god, the way I screamed. Because this is so Neil.

//I don't wanna be adored

Don't wanna be first in line

Or make myself heard

I'd like to bring a little light

To shine a light on your life

To make you feel loved

No, I don't wanna be the only one you know

I want to be the place you call home

I lay myself down to make it so

But you don't want to know

I give much more than I'd ever ask for

Will you see me in the end

Or is it just a waste of time?

Trying to be your friend?

Just shine, shine, shine

Shine a little light

Shine a light on my life

And warm me up again//

At this point in the story, he already fell for her hard. And can just hope that she sees him at one point, too.

You know, writing that first really intimate moment between them-- I know I was supposed to be on R’s side, but I knew what was going on in Neil’s head at that point (that’s why I was so happy when Chels asked that one question that made me write Come as you are) and... I don’t know, I’m so soft for this idiot, I just want to hug him.

//Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all

You know that it could be so simple//

My dumbasses.

Chapter 6: Phantogram - You’re mine

We’re gonna save this one for the very end, just mentioning it here as we move to the next chapter.

bonus: Adna - Night

You know that sad music montage thing that the movies do after a breakup scene or something? This song has that exact vibe.

//Silence grows and you're all i know

Eyes are closed, I'll see your smile, your love

Thinking

This is what

It could be

Knowing

It is all

It would be

In the night

When you see

What i see

In the night when you feel

What i mean

You're my knight

And my dream

And my only sight

Oh you

Oh you

Stay true//

For me, it’s the beginning of chapter 6. R is almost heartbroken, and that almost comes from the part of her that still thinks that still fights the idea that she might have any feelings for that blonde idiot. Conceal, don't feel, or something. But she’s being haunted by random memories from their time together.

bonus: Snow Patrol - Make this go on forever

This song makes my heart ache and clench and oh my god--

//Please don't let this turn into something it's not

I can only give you everything I've got

I can't be as sorry as you think I should

But I still love you more than anyone else could

All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight

Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right

This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long

Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong//

This works for the sad montage thing I’ve mentioned, but it was all about this line:

//First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything//

I was listening to it on my way home one day and my eyes welled up. Because that’s what I wanted both of them to feel right then.

//And I don't know where to look

My words just break and melt

Please just save me from this darkness//

and these lines just brought the image of Neil stumbling over his words and, well, that was it. I knew it had to be done like that.

bonus: Walking On Cars - Speeding Cars

This song is about something different, but there is one part that resonated with the story:

//Even the half smile would have slowed down the time

If I could call you half mine

Maybe this is the safest way to go//

Just fits. Had to be there.

bonus: Etham - Before I lose my mind - Stripped

I think I found this one a while ago, and then it came on when I had Spotify on shuffle, and oh myyyy goooood. That heart-wrenching yearning? So, so on point.

//Look at the state I'm in

I couldn’t say where I've been

Lord knows that it ain't felt like home//

This is as much R’s song, as it is Neil’s.

//I don't know what

I've been running from, running from

Or what I thought I would find

All I know is

You're the only one, only one

I need you tonight

Before I lose my mind//

and this part:

//Don't tell me that I’m too late this time

So much I couldn’t see

With words that I didn't speak

What do I have to do to make you mine?//

This part of the playlist is just utter heartbreak and yearning, but it was only fitting. Just moments before the confession.

bonus: Nick Wilson - Let me hold you

On repeat for the whole part with Neil’s confession. This song is so goddamn beautiful, I can’t--.

//We've been there before

Reaching the end but forgetting the reason we started this for

In all of our flaws

Laid out beneath us, there's no need to keep building up these walls

(Oh we can't go on)

Just let me hold you

I'll run my fingers through your hair

Let our ghost loose

Let me know that you're still there//

bonus: Liz Longley - Rescue my heart

This, on the other hand, started playing right after, and I partially blame it for R’s breakdown. I was just staring at that line about her being afraid to lose him and I was like “where the hell this came from, girl?” and then, as I was trying to push them both further into the plot, but they kinda refused to let each other go, so I was sitting there like “you guys really needed that, huh?”

I know what it sounds like. But when I spend so much time with my characters, really fleshing them out in every possible way, they kinda develop minds of their own, and later they guide me through the dialogue parts, and even sometimes ruin my initial plans. Because they know best how they would behave right then. So all I have to do is just follow them. Or try reasoning with them. (Had a moment like that at the end of the first scene in chapter 6, like had this feeling that R just wanted to dwell on the nature of her relationship with Ives, but I didn’t want to put it there so openly, I was happy with leaving a line here and there, so I had to put my foot down pff - and it switched into that bit about friendships in general)

Right, back to the song:

//Lying to myself I can make it on my own

Making it alone is lonely

Twisting and I'm turning

Oh I'm crashing and I'm burning

So reach out your hand to me

Come down

Rescue my heart I'll drown

Without you//

This is it.

bonus: Madonna - I want you

You know, one of my favourite parts of the writing process is just bumping the ideas around, and I have been blessed to have a wonderful friend such as M, who’s always there when I need to discuss different ideas or just got a bit of dialogue I really want to share. And knowing what I was writing, she sent me this song.

And I’ve been listening to it a lot ever since, and when Neil started his confession, and struggled with words, I wrote: "I want…you.” He moved closer. “The right way.”

I stopped, staring at that line, like really, Neil? This is it? Then the next song from the playlist started playing and:

//I want you the right way

I want you, but I want you to want me too//

So I just sighed and moved on, dropping a short message to M on the way.

bonus: Welshly Arms - Need you tonight

Spotify recommends the best covers, hands down. I love the original song, but this right here? It’s everything.

//How do you feel

I'm lonely

What do you think

Can't take it all

What ya gonna do

Gonna live my life

So slide over here

And give me a moment

Your moves are so raw

I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleeping

There's something about you girl

That makes me sweat//

bonus: TENDER - Afternoon

Every song of theirs is just incredibly sensual, so I thought it was only fair to include one of those for the scene (thank you again A, their music is everything, I swear). And this one was particularly accurate:

//I'm spendin' all of my time tryna open up

Let it breathe, let it breathe

It all comes down

To whether you love me anymore

God, I hope you do

'Cause I can't tell, I can't tell

By the look in your eyes//

bonus: Layla - Weightless

Another one for that moment.

//A silver whisper, take flight and steal into my mouth

An urge to kiss you and let this secret pleasure out

Your touch so tender, a helpless roar of golden play

This youthful slender, hallucinate my woes away

We are weightless

We are invincible

Nothin' like this

Flyin' like cannonballs//

bonus: Rob Simonsen - Soft center

While I was discussing the main plot points with A, we knew there had to be a morning after scene, and she had just a song for it. Utter perfection.

end credits: Phantogram - You’re mine

I know I say it a lot, but when A sent it to me… The way I screamed. I couldn’t believe it. The story was already like 2 parts in, I think? And this song...every line was about them. Every. Goddamn. One. And the overall  I just thought to myself “oh, end credits rolling right here.”

//You don't talk to no one

Don't you look at nothing

Focus on me

Look into my eyes

Come a little closer

Let me tell you something

Eat your ego honey

Honey swallow your pride

You don't talk to no one

Don't you look at nothing

Focus on me

Look into my eyes

Come a little closer

Let me tell you something

You ain't going anywhere

'Cause you mine//

And from this part it gets even better:

//I used to be a rifle

Yeah I had my distance,

Whistling like a bullet in the sky//

//I used to be a psycho

Yeah I had my demons,

Crawling like a spider up my spine//

*incoherent screaming*

And the next part took me right back to the very first scene.

//I spotted you the second I walked in the building

I knew that you had let me get you high//

Right? Right???

//I wanna hear the things you say when no-one's listening

But that don't matter anyway...

'Cause you're mine//

And that’s it.

Damn, what a wild ride that was.

Thank you for staying with me until the very end.

[haleigh-sloth]

If you could chose any place to live where would you love to live?

Hm I'm gonna dive into this answer since it's personal and something I've been dwelling on for a long, long time, and something I think about constantly these days.

In the WORLD?

Hm, somewhere in Europe probably. Or, Argentina. Anywhere that's cold and has mountains. My brother visited Italy and told me how nice it was there. I actually tried to work abroad in the UK but I didn't have the number of years of experience they were wanting :(. Japan would be really cool too. And no not cuz anime lol, but because it looks actually beautiful there and the weather I've heard is nice. Also, Japan has cool shit in general (unrelated to manga/anime). Canada also, since technically it's on my continent and I could drive there if I immigrated lol. I'm actually still researching that since my work-skill is needed up there. Still looking into it before I decide.

In the United States?

Well I'm in Texas. If I had to stay in Texas, I'd either high tail it to El Paso where the mountains are, or stay relatively close to where I am and go a bit further west, deeper into the hill country.

But if I could leave Texas....or WHEN I eventually leave Texas...man

My first choice would be Alaska. Seriously. I love the cold, I love nature and animals. I love being outside. I love mountains. And being able to see the northern lights feels like a dream. (I'm hoping to visit sometime in the next year)

My second choice would be Colorado. I was there in August for a few days, and it broke my heart to leave. And it actually spurred me to quit my shit job and find a new one that would give me time off to see the rest of my country since I've hardly gone anywhere my whole life (which I start Monday!).

After that, I'd say northern California (specifically northern lol). But I currently am waiting to see if California or Florida breaks off the map first 😂. So I'm probably staying away from Cali lol (plus it's expensive as shit).

Alaska feels to me like a retirement plan, lol. Colorado...my social work license is just too difficult to get activated there. So idk if I ever will go there. Maybe when I retire, idk.

But as far as seriously moving, I've been looking at places like western North Carolina, northern New Mexico, and eastern Tennessee.

I'm still on the fence on if it's even a good idea to go anywhere, because today I experienced a really stressful event where, if not for my family, I'd be completely fucking screwed, and at a loss. The only way I feel like I could actually move away is if a friend went with me, or if I convinced my brother to go with me. But he's happy in the big city he's in, for now.

I'm the only one in my family who wants to leave. I just want more. Ugh. Maybe something will change sooner or later.

[ri-ahhh]

playing games

Hot summer days are meant for playing games  6k, basically all smut lol whoops

Disclaimer: I’ve created a whole OC character for Grayson in the past year or so, just as a creative outlet, and never really intended on posting it anywhere. Like, at all lol, so on the off chance anyone actually reads this, go easy on me please. If something seems like it doesn’t make sense or needs more background, it’s because it’s already written in the deep recesses of my Pages documents lol.

If you do read, thank you so much! Creative writing, especially fanfics, have always been my creative stress relief, so this is all in good fun. I’m definitely not attached to only this character, though, so if you don’t think this is complete dog shit and want to see other concepts, I’d love to do that! :)

***

There are a lot of negatives to be said about LA, as MJ had learned quickly when she moved here a few years ago from her home state of Oklahoma: the stuck-up snobs; the traffic; the dirty streets everywhere you go. One thing not on that list, however, is the weather — nine times out of ten it’s perfectly sunny and warm.

Today is one of those days where it’s borderline hot, but still comfortable to sit outside and bake in the sun for a couple of hours. That’s what she and Grayson are doing as they lounge peacefully by the pool in his backyard, soaking in all the Vitamin D that mother nature can give them.

MJ welcomes the blast of heat from the outside air that contrasts harshly with the AC she leaves behind in the kitchen. She had gone in to grab the two of them glasses of water and, while she was in there, noticed the house was oddly silent.

She plants a peck on her boyfriend’s full lips as he accepts his glass with a thanks. “Where are the E’s?” she asks, referring to Grayson’s brother Ethan and his girlfriend Evie. They were both still home when she and Gray first went outside, but a quick glance at her phone tells her they’ve been out here for over an hour, so that really means nothing now.

“I think they were gonna take a Soul class and then have a beach day,” Grayson answers. He sits up a bit to take a sip of his water, and MJ can’t help but admire the way his abs, slick with tanning oil, contract deliciously at the movement. They’ve been together for nearly a year now, and she still can’t get enough of his physique. Amongst other traits of his too, of course, but in the context of lying in the warm sun surrounded by the sheen of coconut-scented body oil, it’s what comes to mind first.

Not to mention, he’s wearing her favorite swim trunks of his — the ones she had bought him — that not only make his olive skin tone pop because of their bright turquoise color, but the fit hugs his ass (and dick) in all the right ways.

Clearly, she’s doing a piss-poor job at hiding her ogling, though to be fair she isn’t trying all that hard to begin with.

He smirks at her. “Can I help you?” he teases, knowing damn well what’s going through her head.

MJ flushes when she realizes she’s been caught, but quickly decides two can play this game. She bends over him and only lets him steal a quick glance at her ample cleavage in her bikini before taking hold of his face in both hands and kissing him.

“You’re sexy,” she admits simply when they part, smiling and wiping a dab of saliva from his lower lip with her thumb.

He swats the exposed skin of her ass lightly when she turns to walk the couple of feet away to her own lounger. She yelps in surprise, which melts into giggles. “Not as sexy as you.” She rolls her eyes playfully and blushes at this, though he can’t see her doing so behind her oversized black sunglasses and the shade of her baseball cap. “I mean, come on, MJ, they’re just muscles,” he says with smug grin.

He’s so full of shit today. MJ scoffs and settles into the chair, not quite believing her ears but also realizing he’s still teasing her. “Okay, Gray.”

She glances over at him and sees him rubbing his thighs, something he knows always gets her going, under the guise of applying more sunscreen. The audacity. She knows it’s intentional by the way he’s biting back a grin and stealing glimpses at her out of the corner of his eye.

Oh, so he still wants to play this game? Apparently ten months together hasn’t clued him in that she is just as competitive as he is, even in stupid things like ‘who can make the other person hornier.’

She forms a quick plan. MJ pretends like she’s oblivious to his nonverbal taunts and reaches out her hand for the bottle of Sun Bum. “So the E’s will be out for a while?”

Grayson stops his ministrations to hand her the slick brown bottle. “As far as I know. Why?” he asks, lying back in his lounger and pillowing his head on his hands. The way his arms curl send his biceps and shoulders bulging, another one of her physical weaknesses for him.

Douche.

“Just wondering,” she answers casually. MJ reaches behind her to raise the back of the lounger that is almost completely flat, higher up so that it can keep her in a relaxed sitting position.

Using his physical teasing as fuel to gather her nerve, she next twists her arm behind her back and tugs at the tie on the thick straps of her cherry red bikini, then does the same to the one around her neck. Even though they’re on private property, in an enclosed yard where no one can see, it still feels a little odd and uncomfortable to be even partially nude outdoors. But if it gets her points in this game against Gray, she decides it’s totally worth it.

When she tosses the scrap of fabric to the ground, the rustling causes him to look over and do a double take. “What—?”

MJ looks at him innocently, but grins devilishly inside; boys really are too easy, sometimes. “What, what?” she questions, spraying some of the tanning oil into her hands.

Grayson shakes his head at her and she can feel his gaze, hotter than the rays of the sun on her newly exposed skin, bore into her through his Ray Bans. “I see. So it’s like that, huh?”

“I don't know what you’re talking about. They’re just boobs,” she counters, throwing a variation of his own words back in his beautiful, annoyingly perfect face. Grayson scoffs at her incredulously, and MJ doesn’t even attempt to hold back a victorious smirk. She’s definitely won this battle, and she hasn't even brought out all the ammo. Yet. “For real, though, we basically live together; you see these every day.”

Grayson tosses a hand up and shakes his head like she had just said something ridiculous. “You see me shirtless every day and still look like you want to jump me all the time, so how is that any different?”

He has a point and he knows it, but he’s an idiot if he thinks she’ll admit so. MJ shrugs. “Anyways,” she continues, ignoring his comment, “I’m just trying to get rid of tan lines. And it’s only us here, so who cares?”

“What if they come back?” Grayson argues weakly, still trying to appear nonchalant about his half-naked girlfriend gleaming in the summer sun just three feet away from him.

MJ shrugs again. “We can hear them coming up the driveway from here, so I’ll just cover up when we do. Also, it’s not like Ethan’s never encountered boobs before, and I’m pretty sure Evie and I have seen each other naked more times at this point than you and E have each other.”

He looks a little affronted. “I’m not sure if thats weird or kinda hot, actually.”

She rolls her eyes again but fights back a smile at his somewhat predictable response. “Don’t be weird. Girls generally just don’t give a fuck with each other,” she explains.

“Well, I still don't want my brother peeping your goods; they’re mine.”

MJ should be irritated at his possessiveness, but admittedly she finds it a little endearing — not to mention, she loves when she drives him to be dominant, especially when she knows she’s really the one in control here. She thinks back to the couple of times Ethan had barged in on them in the bedroom on accident and how Grayson always made sure his body was completely shielding hers while he screamed at his brother to get the fuck out. Ethan clearly wasn’t a threat, but Grayson always made her feel safe and secure either way.

It also isn’t like she wants E to see her tits either, but it won't be the end of the world if he does, especially if the risk of it gets Grayson so riled up for her that he’ll think twice before teasing her like this again.

MJ’s got him hooked now and she knows it, so really she doesn’t need to take the final step in her plan. But thinking about his deliberate words and touches gets the competitive fire lit inside her again.

Taking the oil in her hands, she massages it into the supple flesh of her breasts that were, indeed, several shades lighter than the surrounding skin. Her tits jiggle enticingly and her nipples harden a bit at the pleasurable stimulation caused by her own touch; his sunglasses are still on, but she knows he can see the effect she’s having on herself.

“Fuck, MJ,” Grayson finally groans in defeat. He sits up in his lounger and plants his left foot to the ground, utilizing his long legs to pivot over to her chair and straddle the end of the cushioned seat in one movement. His large hands stroke the smooth skin of her calves that are bent in front of him, his eyes glued to the way she’s touching herself. “You win, okay? I’m sorry for teasing you.”

MJ smiles at him, her ego at soaring. She can tell his hands are itching to reach for hers and replace them. He hadn’t lied that first time they met — he really is a boob man, to the tee. Even in non-sexual situations, like whenever they spoon while sleeping or watching a movie, his hand automatically goes under her shirt to cup one.

“I really do want to get rid of these tan lines, though,” MJ tells him, feigning innocence while simultaneously trying to ignore the way her body is reacting to him being right in front of her, touching her. Unfortunately, there is no denying the rush of wetness to her bikini bottoms. She finishes rubbing the oil into her skin and cups her breasts as if he’s blind and can’t see what she’s talking about. “This is really not cute, what I’ve got going on here.”

Grayson scoots farther up the lounger and cups his hands under her bent knees to drag her into his lap. MJ gasps in surprise and hooks her elbow around the back of his neck to balance herself after his forcible movement of her body. He ducks his head down and kisses her, tongue meshing with hers perfectly and exploring her mouth just the way she likes.

“How about we do something more fun than just lay here while you work on that, then?” he pants when they separate. She nips distractedly at the juicy center of his full lower lip in reply, eliciting a low, rumbling growl from him. He plants kisses across her jaw, down her neck, and back up to the spot behind her ear that makes her putty in his hands.

MJ bites her lip to hold back any sounds, not wanting to give him the satisfaction just yet of letting him know he can do whatever he wants with her at this point. “You were just giving me shit because your brother might walk out here and see my boobs, but now you wanna actually fuck outside?”

She actually didn't hate that idea at all, to be fair.

“Yeah,” he says simply, like there’s nothing to it. “I’ve never done it outside, now that I think about it. Besides our first time, anyways, but that was still in a tent so technically it wasn't ‘outside.’”

This surprises her. Despite his young age, there aren’t a whole lot of opportunities for ‘firsts’ with Grayson, given his past ways. She isn’t about to let this chance slip because of a relatively minor, albeit highly embarrassing, what-if.

MJ grins. She takes her baseball cap off and puts it on his own head, backwards so she can have full access to his pretty face. Not to mention, she definitely has a kink for it that way. She rolls her hips down against his, pleased to feel him semi-hard already.

“Okay,” she agrees easily, using her grip on his neck to bring his lips down to hers once again.

She doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of kissing Grayson; the man has the act down to a fine art. And as irritated as she had been with him only a few minutes ago, she now feels an overwhelming need to please him as much as he so often does her.

“Sit down,” she whispers directly in his ear, motioning behind her to indicate he should be the one reclining back.

She feels him shudder before obeying. He keeps her securely in his lap by wrapping her legs fully around his waist and stands with her still clinging to him. MJ bites her lip and marvels at the complete lack of effort the shift in position takes for him, and he sits them down where he can rest his back against the lounger.

MJ removes their sunglasses and places them on the ground. “That’s why I love your muscles,” she says, rubbing her covered center along his length and devouring the expression on his face as she does so. Her hands massage delicately across his shoulders and down his biceps as she rocks fluidly on top him. “Forget aesthetics. They’re just evidence that you’re so fucking strong. That you work so hard. That you try to be the best version of you every day.”

She suctions her mouth to the pulse point thumping wildly under his jaw and drags her nails down his pecs, threading her fingers through the patch of hair in the center that he’s allowing to grow. Grayson grabs her ass with one hand to encourage the rocking of her pelvis against his, and squeezes one of her breasts with the other.

“How am I supposed to follow that?” he asks breathlessly and with a huff of laughter, tugging her nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

MJ moans softly at the sensation. “Do your best,” she replies with a grin, scraping her teeth along the spot on his jaw before trailing kisses down his throat now.

She feels his hard swallow as he thinks for a second. “Uh, every part of you is so beautiful, and your body is just a reflection of how amazing you are on the inside.”

Wow. MJ laughs incredulously and pulls back to look him in the eye, golden hazel meeting bright green. “I can’t believe you just came up with that romantic ass statement while I’m dry humping you. That’s pretty impressive.”

“I mean, it’s true. And I do aim to please,” he smirks, thrusting up into her.

MJ gasps. Her eyes darken and her tongue subconsciously trails across her lower lip as she stares at her boyfriend heatedly. She cups a tit with her left hand, circling her nipple with her thumb, and grips her fingers into the curls at the back of his neck with her other hand. “I would have been happy with ‘I love your tits because they're the best tits I’ve ever seen, held, or had in my mouth in my entire life.’ But I’ll take your version, too.”

Grayson smiles. “How about, I love you, MJ, every part of you — especially your tits.”

MJ bites back a sappy grin and swears she can feel her heart swelling for him in her chest. “I love you, too,” she sighs, and uses her grasp on his hair to drag him in for a deep kiss.

When she’s had her fill of his mouth, she scoots down his body, trailing her tongue down the indentation dividing his abs and nipping playfully at the taut skin right above the waistband of his trunks. Her mouth waters at the sight of the bulge beneath them, straining against the slick material. “Lift up,” she instructs as she tugs the drawstring and hooks her fingers in the fabric clinging to his hips.

Grayson moans and does as he’s told while MJ pulls his swimsuit down his inked legs until she has to stand up where he can kick them off his foot. She takes a moment to admire the masterpiece that is her boyfriend’s body and uses the advantage of already being stood up to shimmy her bikini bottoms off her hips. She lets them drop to the concrete at her feet before crawling back onto the lounger in-between his thighs.

She can’t resist drawing a ticklish trail down his Adonis belt with her long nails and watching his dick twitch at the playful touch. Grinning, she takes him in her hand and observes with amusement how her simple grasp is already affecting him, spreading the resulting dot of precum around the swollen head. Her palm is still slightly lubricated with the remnants of tanning oil, which creates the perfect amount of friction when she starts to stroke his length up and down slowly, adding a twist of her fist when she reaches the tip.

Grayson throws his head back and moans. MJ utilizes his position as an element of surprise to duck her head and lick a trail on the underside of his cock, base to tip, then wraps her lips around his head.

His chin drops to his chest and his hazy gaze is met with her mischievous one while she stares up at him through her lashes. “Holy fuck, MJ,” he moans, taking hold of her dark locks and fashioning a makeshift ponytail in his fist so he can see her better.

MJ smiles around his length, pulling up and holding the tip against her mouth, kissing it lasciviously. “You want me to suck it?” she asks sweetly.

Predictably, Grayson nods enthusiastically, tugging gently on her hair to guide her down his cock. MJ smirks and gathers saliva between her lips. She purses them slightly and drags the slick moisture all along his shaft, coating him until she decides he’s wet enough for her to take him in her throat. He’s the biggest she’s ever had and hasn’t mastered letting him fuck her face yet, but her lips encircle him and she slides him down into her throat as far as she can with relative ease. She hollows her cheeks as she pulled back up, over and over again.

“Oh my God,” he growls, his blunt nails digging into her scalp; MJ adores the sensation. “Just like that, baby.”

She grins and lets him slip out of her mouth with a light pop, stroking him with her small hand while laving his balls with her tongue. MJ always loves sucking Grayson’s dick, but she can’t believe how much doing it outside is making her even wetter than usual. There’s something incredibly hot about being under the cloudless sky, in the fresh air, and, yes, the danger of potentially getting caught.

With that thought fueling her, MJ’s fingers dip down to her pussy and she lets out a tiny whimper when her slim fingers light upon her swollen clit, more for his benefit than an actual reaction to her touch; she wants him to know how much she’s enjoying having him in her mouth. Something about the situation they’ve gotten themselves into out here is amplifying her desire in every way.

“Should I make you come now with my mouth?” she asks, dribbling more saliva on his dick and sucking him as far as she can a few times in quick succession, eyes trained on his, and she’s earned with wanton moans from Grayson’s plump lips. MJ lifts her head, her chest heaving, and gives him a devious smile as she raises the fingers that had been playing with herself to his mouth, continuing to stroke him steadily with her fist. “Or should I put you inside me, baby? Hmm? Should I put your big dick in my tight little pussy?”

Grayson lets out a guttural growl and sucks her proffered fingers into his warm mouth readily. Before she realizes what’s happening, Gray is reaching behind him to lay the chair flat again, and she practically topples over at the sudden movement.

“C’mere,” he instructs as he lies back, motioning for her to climb up his body. He takes the hat off and throws it across the yard when the bill impedes him from lying flat.

MJ pouts. Despite her teasing questions, she isn’t done sucking him off yet. And she really liked how that cap looked on him. “But—”

“MJ, sit on my fucking face now,” he demands, his voice deep and commanding; it makes her shiver and her head swim. His hazel eyes, which usually turn almost as green as hers in the sun, are now a deep chocolate brown behind the darkness of his pupils, dilated with pure desire.

Well, shit. She doesn’t need to be told twice; when Gray is in this mood, there’s no room for arguing, and she loves it. MJ bites her lip and crawls up his abdomen until her knees are resting above his shoulders and her shins lay alongside his chest in what little room is left on the lounger. He wastes no time in wrapping one arm around her thigh, the other reaching up for her breasts, and attaching his mouth to her throbbing center.

She cries out when his tongue drags through her slit and flicks against her clit a few times before thrusting inside her. One of her hands supports her weight on the top edge of the chair and the other cards roughly through his thick hair, tugging none-too-gently on his dark wavy mop.

Grayson moans and nuzzles his nose against her swollen flesh, grinning up at her and tweaking a nipple with his thumb and forefinger. “Did you get this wet just from sucking my dick, sweetheart?” MJ nods, the game of pretending he has no affect on her flying out the proverbial window. He lets out a little noise of affirmation. “I thought so. That’s why I love eating you out after you blow me; you’re always dripping for me.”

Without warning he sucks harshly on her clit and she shrieks, throwing her head back and moaning uncontrollably despite her best efforts. “Grayson!”

Grayson leaves the little bundle of nerves and dips his tongue down to her entrance once again as if to taste the fruits of his labor, groaning quietly. “So fucking sweet, baby. I love how you taste,” he says before repeating the actions over and over, driving her insane with the unrelenting pleasure of his simple motions.

She doesn’t know how she has the capacity to speak, but she manages to get her vocal cords and brain to coordinate. “I…fuck — I, I wanted to t-taste your cum, too,” she squeaks out, trying not to grind down on his face too hard. Not that he seems to mind.

His big hands restrain her hips anyways, long enough for him to speak. “I know you did,” he says with a smirk, and his voice vibrates sensually against her center. “You can do that next time, but right now you’re gonna come for me, and then I’m gonna fuck you so hard you can’t walk. How’s that sound?”

God, the man knows how to use that mouth — in more ways than one. MJ can only moan and use her vice grip on his hair to tug him back to her pussy as confirmation that yes, that sounds fucking amazing.

All teasing pretenses are dropped as he goes straight for her clit and suckles her with purpose, that purpose being to get her to cum hard and fast. Sure enough, she feels the beginnings of her orgasm in her lower belly, driven by the sight of his eyes gazing adoringly up at her from between her legs.

It doesn’t take much longer once he adds both hands to her breasts, her moans reaching higher and higher pitches the closer she gets. “Ohmygod, yes!” she squeals, her knees squeezing instinctively around his head as he keeps up his ministrations, only gentler so she can ride out the high of her orgasm.

MJ’s moans turn to whimpers, and when she’s relatively back to earth she murmurs an apology as she slinks back down his body. Gray shakes his head in dismissal of her words and sits up, cupping her cheeks in his hands and kissing her deeply. She can taste herself on his mouth, and it gives her little aftershocks.

She settles over his lap and straddles his hips, grinding her dripping wet pussy against his rock hard dick because despite the amazing orgasm he had just given her, she was always ready to go for him; he makes her insatiable, sometimes.

“Fuck me,” she demands against his lips, lifting up so he can take hold of his dick and position himself where she only has to sit back and let him fill her up.

There isn’t much room on the lounger, but the way she’s forced to keep her legs close together just makes the fit extra tight and extra good. He lies on his back again, and MJ moans as she bounces on his cock with her hands planted on his broad chest for support while he grips her ass tightly.

Grayson for his part takes a moment to close his eyes so he can fully experience the warmth of the sun, the sweet wetness of her pussy, and the taste of her still on his lips all at once. He opens his eyes and is greeted by the sight of an angel leaning over him. The sun is right behind her head and creates a halo effect, making his heart skip a beat despite the fact that she’s doing all the work while he lies flat, spoiling him with her body like always.

MJ smiles down at him breathlessly and drags her manicured jet-black nails down his pec. He loves the pain of it, she found out early on in their relationship, and she’s more than happy to inflict it. It turns her on like crazy to watch his eyes roll back and his jaw to drop as he sucks in a harsh breath.

He can sense her tiring when she slows down and starts grinding on him, rubbing her clit into the groomed patch of hair at the base of his dick as she catches her breath and gives her quads a break. She moans and twitches when Grayson digs his thumbs in the sensitive creases of her hips as he sits up. He moves her legs to hook around his waist before wrapping his arms around her sweaty back.

“Hold on to me.”

MJ pants and clutches her arms around his neck, tightening her grip with her legs around his trim hips and digging her heels into his round ass. She buries her face in his shoulder as he stands both of them up. She doesn’t know what his plans are, but she hopes they aren’t going far; she needs him back inside her as soon as possible.

Her back hits the wall in the next moment and she revels in the firm, cool feel of the smooth siding against her skin that’s become heated from the sun and physical exertion. Grayson uses the leverage of the wall to keep her against the solid surface while he switches his hold on her so that her knees are now hooked over his elbows. Even in her somewhat delirious state, MJ can tell this will allow him to use the combined potential of his considerable physical strength and the support from the wall to fuck her senseless.

Their eyes connect as they both take a moment to gather themselves. Gray smiles at her sweetly and plants his palms against the wall as he dips his hips enough to thrust up into her.

MJ whimpers as he stretches her again, reveling in that sense of fullness and completion that she only experiences when he’s inside her. When he bottoms out, she cups his jaw and uses the strength in her core to raise herself up enough to connect their lips together. Her tongue instantly slips into his mouth and slides along his, tasting all of her that’s left in him, until she tucks her head in his neck to suck kisses up and down the thick column of his neck.

“Go, Gray, please.”

Grayson moans and lifts her up as he pulls back with his hips, only to let her sink back down on his dick while simultaneously thrusting up into her swollen pussy. As he continues and picks up the pace, the depth he reaches and the force behind their movements sends her reeling. Her nails dig harshly into the smooth ripples of his back as her eyes look almost unseeingly down over his shoulder at the wide expanse of flexing muscles. The newness of this angle makes her realize that this position is another first for the two of them. They’ve had sex standing up before, but never like this, where he’s almost completely supporting her and letting gravity do half the work for them.

The noises of their mixed moans and the sounds of their hips clashing fills the otherwise silent backyard. MJ leans back against the wall and grips his biceps, using her position to fully take in the power of his body. Every muscle bulges out with exertion, his jaw clenches in pleasure and concentration, his eyes flitting between her bouncing tits and her flushed face as he pants harshly.

Everything about her — mind, body and soul — is overwhelmed. She can’t help it; she’s so turned on by him, so in love with him, the words just pour out, even though she knows they won’t improve his stamina any.

“You’re so fucking strong, baby. I love how you can hold me up and fuck me like this with your big dick. You’re making me feel so good…” On one particularly sharp thrust, he hits the spot, and her eyes instantly roll back in her head while she lets out a purely reactionary shriek of pleasure. “Right there, Gray! Baby, holy shit…”

“Jesus, MJ, you’re so fucking hot,” Gray rasps out behind clenched teeth. From the animalistic noises he’s making and the unhinged expression on his beautiful face, she can tell he’s barely holding on anymore, but he’s getting her there so fast that she hopes he can last just that much longer.

With a surge of strength she didn’t know she had left in her, MJ leans up and wraps her arms around his neck, then hooks her legs over his ass for leverage so that his arms can hold her by the backs of her thighs. She starts thrusting herself and grinding down on his pubic bone, perfectly stimulating both her clit and that deep spot within her. Her body shatters a second later, her limbs quaking with the force of the waves coursing through her.

She knows that normally Grayson would let her ride it out at her own pace, even rub her clit slowly to get her through it, but he’s so riled up at this point that he simply slams her against the wall and pounds into her relentlessly. MJ’s mouth gapes open soundlessly as, to her complete amazement, she feels yet another orgasm right on the heels of the one that has just started abating.

“Yes, yes, yes,” she chants repeatedly, making direct eye contact with him. She knows what will trigger them both to fall over the edge. “You’re fucking me so good. I want you to come inside me, baby, please!”

A guttural groan rips from his throat, his thrusts falter, and his forehead drops to hers as she feels the first spurts of his cum shoot into her. This is all she needs for her own orgasm to tear through her, radiating warmth and electricity through her whole body with an indescribable intensity.

Masculine, relieved whines escape his open mouth, the sounds alone making her clench inadvertently around his throbbing length inside her. His lower lip is too enticing for her to resist, and she nips it teasingly before drawing him in for a slow, perfectly sloppy kiss. They’re both still distracted by the pleasure coursing through their connected bodies as he finishes inside her.

“Fuck, that was good,” he whispers after a minute of recovery, trailing his mouth down her jaw and nuzzling her neck sweetly. MJ smiles and hugs his sweaty head to her, kissing his temple in return. She’s about to suggest they go cuddle on the daybed under the shade of the awning, but she never gets the chance because…

“What the fuck, dude?!”

“Oh my God, you actual assholes! Gross!”

A scream catches in MJ’s throat as their heads whip to the sliding back door only a few feet away, and there they are; the E’s had apparently gotten home from the beach much earlier than she thought they would. Or maybe she and Gray have just been fucking for that long.

Once the scare of their sudden reappearance has worn off, she can’t stop a smirk from gracing her lips, though she does try to hide it in Gray’s neck in mock mortification. That’s not to say she’s not embarrassed, but what can she do?

“Well, don’t look!” Grayson cries, but she can hear the concealed laughter in his voice, just as her smile grows even wider against his sweaty skin.

“How about you don’t have sex outside against our house where we can look, you bitch ass!” Ethan screams at his brother. MJ peeks a glance at him and sees him standing there with the heels of both hands digging into his eyes, as if he is not only blocking out the image before him but trying to rub it from his memory, too. Evie is just running around the patio, laughing and yelling “No!” at the top of her lungs, which makes MJ giggle too despite her best efforts.

As humorous as this situation is and even though Grayson’s body is pressed against hers completely, it’s still pretty embarrassing considering she’s butt-ass naked with her boyfriend’s softening dick still inside her, in a backyard with two of her best friends right there to see. “I mean, we literally just finished if you want to walk away and let us clean up, then the whole yard is all yours.”

“MJ, can you not just clean up now?” Ethan insists irritatedly. “We’ve already got our shit ready to come lay out.”

She pulls her face out of his neck and looks at Grayson, biting her lip to fight the shit-eating grin threatening to break across her face; she can already picture his brother’s reaction to what she’s about to say. But what the fuck are he and Evie even still doing out here? Why are they not inside? They’re the ones making this weird.

“Well, we need to go grab my swimsuit bottoms, or otherwise there’ll be a, ah, mess, if you know what I mean. Also, I don't think I can walk.”

Just as she predicted, Ethan makes a dramatic retching sound and reaches his hand out for his girlfriend blindly. “Evelina, help me. Let’s go bleach our eyes out before I throw up from these mental images.”

[purplesurveys]

1232

Did you make any money today?  Not today, because it’s a weekend.

What was the highest place you've ever jumped from?  I’m not too sure, actually. I tend to be cautious when it comes to jumping just because I always have this fear at the back of my head that I could possibly snap my legs in half upon landing lol.

Have you ever gone swimming in a river?  I don’t think I have.

Is there something you really want to buy at the moment?  I want a jumbo RJ doll but it’s quite expensive and not one of my priorities at the moment. 

Would you ever consider culinary school?  I want to learn how to cook but not passionate enough about it to enroll in culinary school altogether, so no.

What was the last souvenir someone got you?  It’s been a while since anyone went anywhere...

Do you have a favorite remix of a song?  I’ve never enjoyed remixes and just stick to original versions of songs. The one remix I’ll give a pass to is BTS’ Mic Drop with Steve Aoki just because that one includes a dance break that sounds really nice and gets me all hyped up.

Has the power gone out recently?  Yeah, like two weeks ago. I was working from home then so it had been a huge bother, but fortunately I had been charging my devices all day and also had enough data on my phone so I was able to continue.

Do you like driving at night?  It’s ok and actually pretty relaxing if it’s LATE late at night and there’s barely any cars. Driving in the evening during rush hour, on the other hand, is just fucking stressful.

What do you think is the most saddest sounding instrument?  Depending on how it’s played, probably the piano or violin.

Do you really pay attention to the ratings on movies?  Yes. It’s a pretty influential factor.

Have you ever snuck in to a theater/dance/bar etc?  No.

If given the chance, would you go to Ireland?  I mean, it’s not really on top of my bucket list but for the sake of travelling and experiencing a different place and culture I definitely would go to Ireland.

Are you afraid of standing on the edge of hills/skyscrapers/cliffs etc?  I am scared but whenever I’m given the chance to do this I kind of scrap that fear first and live in the moment.

Do you have a favorite species of wild cat (tiger/lion/cougar etc)?  No.

Do you have an absolute favorite name (boy or girl)? Alessandra, 120%. It is so beautiful-sounding, plus I love that you can use "Alessa" as a nickname. My Silent Hill obsession is quite thrilled by that, ha ha. < I love that name too, now that I think about it. For now, I think Olivia still tops my list.

Are you good at pronouncing foreign words?  My English is alright.

When listening to music, do you usually tap your foot etc to the beat?  I tap my fingers more than my foot.

Have you ever literally cried on a friend's shoulder?  Yeah but they were also my significant other then, so I dunno if that counts. I’m not super into physical touch so this isn’t something I’d do towards a friend, no matter how close we are.

Would you ever consider being a DJ at a party if you were paid?  Nah, I would suck.

Do strapless bras work for you?  No, my boobs are too small. 

Has anyone told you that they wanted to marry you/were planning on it/etc?  No.

Do you feel comfortable enough to wear short shorts?  Yeah, I just never really have the opportunity to wear them.

Have a favorite actor/actress from Old Hollywood? (Marilyn Munroe, etc) AUDREY HEPBURNNNNNNNNNN

What's your opinion on people who stretch their ears?  They can do whatever they want lol. I’m personally not a fan of the look but that’s my own problem to deal with.

Do you think tattoos are expressive art or unattractive?  Expressive.

What is your school mascot?  None of the schools I attended have one.

Have you ever seen a bear in the wild? I have never seen a bear.

What's the book you're currently reading?  Not reading anything at the moment.

Can you recall the most disturbing movie you've ever seen?  Eraserhead. Requiem For A Dream is also stressful to watch, even on your 2nd or 45th rewatch.

Has anyone you know gotten mono?  Possibly, but I can’t place names at the moment.

Have you ever picked an apple off the tree and eaten it?  No. Aside from the fact that I don’t eat fruits, apple trees aren’t native here so I’ve never actually seen one.

Can you say yes/no in different languages?  Oo/hindi, ne/ani.

Out of the traditional superheroes, which one is your favorite?  I don’t like superheroes.

Ever peed in your pants after the age of 10?  Not in my pants but my bed, but fortunately it just happened once.

Had any surgeries? What kind?  I have not.

Ever told your parents you hated them?  I had it written down on my journal when I was going through those rebellious puberty years, but it was only directed towards my mom because that had also been the peak of her emotionally/mentally abusive days. It’s funny because she snooped through my stuff then and saw the entry and ended up crying...and I didn’t even feel bad about it because 1) I meant what I wrote, and 2) she literally went through my shit. I still don’t feel bad about it.

Do you let your pets on your furniture?  Yes they can get on the couch and my bed.

How do you feel about kettle cooked chips?  I don’t really have an opinion lmao. If they are chips then they are going in my mouth.

How strong do you like your coffee?  I like milky/creamy coffee best tbh. When it comes to how strong they are I don’t have a preference.

Would you rather see someone of the opposite sex naked or nicely dressed?  Idk.

Would you ever consider visiting Texas?  I have relatives based in San Antonio and we’re pretty close to that side of the family, so yeah. 

If you could make a movie, what would it be about?  I’ve never been one for creative writing.

If you were kicked out of your current residence whom would you call?  My grandma or one of my aunts.

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?  Not at this point in my life.

Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus?  Oooooohh I love both!

Was the last person you kissed attractive?  Objectively yes, but I no longer feel the attraction I once held for her.

Are you racist at all?  No.

Do you read creepypasta? If not, you should.  No thanks.

Have you ever vandalized?  Yeah some desks when I was in grade school.

Would you ever scuba dive in shark-infested waters if you had the chance? Most likely not. And by the way, they do not "infest" waters. That's their home. I hate that phrase so much. < This is a good point and I’d like to keep it here. Anywho, yeah I’m willing to do this but as far as I know they keep you in a cage when you go down in the water. I’d only do it if this was guaranteed lol.

Have you ever been drunk at work?  Hungover, yes. Drunk while at work, hell no.

Have you ever hit a parked car with your car?  No. My mom has done this with my parked car though -____- She had been backing up and I kept honking as she inched closer to my car, but she heeded me no mind until she finally hit me.

Have you ever slept on the floor with someone you like?  We probably had but I don’t remember the details anymore.

Which do you prefer: french toast, bagels, or cereal?  Bagels.

Do you prefer light or dark haired?  Dark.

Have you ever read any of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books?  Yes, I liked reading those in like grade school and high school.

Would you be prepared to do a job that you didn’t like, if it paid well?  I haven’t been placed in that situation yet, so I’m not actually sure how I would handle it. Depends on how much the money is, I guess.

Do you think age is needed for maturity?  No.

Do you believe the future is predetermined?  I don’t think so.

What words are most comforting to you?  Words of reassurance, like, “I’m just here,” “You don’t have to apologize.”

How important is money to you?  It is generally pretty important to me and I’m usually good at saving...I’ve just hit a road bump the last few months because getting into K-Pop means wanting to get something out of every new merch drop hahahaha. I went alarmingly crazy from April to June, but I made a vow to calm down starting this July; and so far, aside from pre-ordering the new Memories of 2020 DVD and buying some merch from the pop-up store, I haven’t bought anything else.

Is there anything you want to last forever?  Cold weather in the Philippines.

List three of your passions:  Writing, food, and museums.

How old do you want to live to? Just because I’m competitive even until age, I want to make it to 100 lmao.

What kind of love do you value the most?  Very comfortable platonic love. I highly value friendships where I can pretty much treat them like an SO hahaha.

If you could control one element, what would it be?  I don’t care.

Do you prefer foxes or wolves?  No preferences.

Could you ever deliver a baby?  OMG no I would be terrible and would for sure bring more harm than good to the mother.

Do you think suits are sexy?  Uh yeah.

Ever been called babe?  Yeah.

How old is your youngest sibling?  18.

Who in your phone has a heart after their name?  Angela.

Favorite boy’s name?  I guess I have several preferences, but I dunno if I have favorite boy’s names. I like the sounds of Lucas, Jacob, Liam, and Mason.

Are your parents together, separated, divorced, never married, what?  Married.

Do you go online every day?  For sure.

What is the best quality in the last guy you kissed?  I’ve never kissed a guy.

What do you usually do during a kiss? Depends on how passionate it is? < Yeah.

Do you have an older brother?  Technically no, but I have a cousin that I pretty much see as one.

You’re offered free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert. What do you do?  I love Biebs, but I would probably sell them. Some extra money is always good hahaha.

What’s the genre of the current song you’re listening to?  K-Pop, R&B.

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet?  Yeah, I already have two of them.

Would you ever sell your soul?  Erm, I guess not.

[portals-to-a-new-world]

Shattered Glass

Who?: John Kennex x Reader

What?: YN and John fight, forcing both of them to realize some truths neither were willing to admit. 

Word Count: 4724

Warnings: Angst, Intrusive Thoughts, Self-Image Struggles, Portrayals of Depression and Anxiety, Language, Smut, Unprotected Sex (wrap it before you tap it, y’all), Semi-Public Sex, Fluff 

A/n: Hey y’all! This started out as a therapy fic for me after I’d had a bad day at work and just sort of snowballed lol. I’d just like to reiterate that this has portrayals of negative self image and anxiety/depression so please don’t put yourself at risk if that’s going to trigger you. I’d like to give yet another shoutout to the absolutely brilliant @bakerstreethound​, without whom this story couldn’t have happened. She kept me sane during the beginning and has been the bestest friend and partner anyone could ask for. Ace, I really don’t know what I’d do without you 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 Finally, I’m not tagging in this one, simply because I’m currently trying to work out a way to organize my tags so that people only get tagged in what they want to be :). Keep an eye out for a post soon with further details, peaches. Oh just one more thing, I’ve been seeing a lot of blogs having their works reposted on other sites without permission, and I’d like to establish here that I do not give anyone permission to repost my works. I’m on AO3 under the same username, but any other sites are not me. 

Rough days were standard in your line of work. You'd think that after 3 years in the industry, the last 5 months of which being spent with your current employer, would have you used to the stress. Then again, you weren't sure anyone could get used to the bitch of a co-worker who was causing 80% of your issues. You were higher up in the company than her, but because she'd been with them longer, she seemed to think she could order you around. Going to your bosses achieved nothing, as she was apparently "invaluable" to the company, and didn't bother listening to them anyway. It wasn't a big deal at first, just one of those "ignore them, and they'll go away" situations, but as time progressed it got increasingly worse. Today you were forced to endure her screaming insults and ranting at you about a mistake your partner had made. Your day only seemed to get worse from there, and by the time you got off, you were about ready to blow a fuse. 4 bouts of road rage and a spilled coffee later, and you finally walked through the door to your apartment, slamming it shut behind you. John's head poked around the corner from the kitchen, noodles hanging from his lips. "Jesus. Is the door still standing?" He asked once he'd swallowed. You just huffed in response. He raised an eyebrow as you walked past without giving your usual greeting in the form of a kiss. "Hello to you, too, then." He mumbled. You waved your hand sarcastically over your shoulder.

"Hey," You said. John's concern was written all over his face as he followed you into the living room. He spoke as you plopped onto the couch, placing your head in your hands.

"I'd ask if you're okay, but clearly you're not so-"

"Sorry, Detective, but you must be losing your touch because I'm fine." You said, looking up to offer a strained smile, which was met with a skeptical eyebrow raise.

"Uh-huh, and Richard's being promoted to captain. Don't bullshit me, (Y/N/N). What's wrong?" He placed a hand on your shoulder as he finished. You shrugged it off and stood to your feet, ignoring the incredulous look on his face at your actions.

"I said I'm fine, John. Just let it go." You turned to walk away, but his hand shot out to grab ahold of your wrist. You tried to tug it free, which only served to draw him to his feet. He pinned your arm against his chest, pulling you in close. "Let me go." You said as you continued to struggle against him. Any other time you'd've found being pinned against such a handsome bastard incredibly sexy, in fact, that's probably why he did it in the first place. The notion was like throwing a match onto gasoline, igniting the rage that had been simmering under the surface into a full-on blaze.

"What the hell's gotten into you??" He demanded.

"I told you to fucking let it go, Kennex. In fact, you might as well go ahead and leave altogether, cause I'm not in the mood to fuck you tonight." He dropped your wrist as if scalded and took two steps back to search your face in angry disbelief before replying.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" You threw your hands in the air in exasperation.

"Oh, come on! I'm not stupid, John. There was never going to be anything serious between us. You're not capable of trusting, let alone loving, anyone after Anna, and even if you were, you'd never choose me." He opened his mouth to reply, but you cut him off. "No, you wouldn't. Put me in a line up with every woman you've ever been attracted to, and the differences are fucking painfully obvious." You took a deep breath before continuing. "I was not, and never will be, anything more to you than convenient, no matter how much I love you. Okay? So, you don't have to pretend to fucking care anymore, John."

"How dare you! I can't believe I'm standing here listening to this bullshit; matter of fact," He paused and gestured as if an idea just occurred to him. "I'm not going to!" He stormed over to his coat and yanked it off the counter before throwing it on. He stopped momentarily to look back at you, mouth open to speak before sighing roughly in frustration. "Fuck this." Without another word, he was going out your door, slamming it so hard behind him that the pictures on the wall fell and crashed on the floor. In a single moment, everything in you shattered like glass. You collapsed in a heap as sobs began to rip through your chest. It's for the best. He would have left eventually, anyway. Why would he want to stay with a useless, disgusting, pathetic thing like you? God, you can't even handle the basic stress of everyday problems, while he's out there still doing his job after everything he's been through. I mean, how weak can you be?? No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't stop the thoughts from invading your mind. Each one cut deeper than the last until you were numb. Eventually you stood to your feet, drained and feeling hopeless. Your body moved on autopilot, carrying you through your nightly routine and into bed. You slept in fits and starts, nightmares plaguing nearly every second. When your body finally gave in to the utter exhaustion, a tiny part of you had hoped that you would wake up to find it'd all been a dream. Most of you didn't want to wake up at all, though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unfortunately, neither part of you got its wish. You did indeed wake up, and you woke up to an empty bed. Your heart broke as you realized just how badly you'd fucked up. You didn't have time to dwell on your failures, though, as your phone was ringing, and upon answering, you discovered you were over an hour late for work. You shot up out of bed and quickly threw some clothes on, rushing through your morning essentials. As you stepped out of your front door, you looked up and saw dark storm clouds rolling in. You flipped through the radio in your car and found out that the storms were supposed to last through the rest of the week. At least the weather matched how you felt inside. Unsurprisingly, your problematic co-worker was standing ready to lay into you the moment you stepped through the doors. It took every ounce of what little strength you had left not to break down right then and there. By some stroke of luck, she was called away by your bosses, and you quickly took off to your desk. Your day was almost typical, until around 2 pm, your phone buzzed with an incoming text. Your heart stopped as you looked at the name on the screen. John. Your hands were shaking as you unlocked the phone to read the message.

Come by my place when you get off. We need to have a serious talk. 

All of your fears came crashing down on you at once, punching through your chest like a bullet. You stumbled your way into the bathroom and latched onto the sink edge to anchor yourself. So this really was it. He was breaking up with you. Your hand flew up to press against your chest as the ache there blossomed into raw agony. At least he had the decency to do it in person. He could have just ghosted you. You continued to rub your chest as you typed out a simple 'okay' in response. A quick glance at the time revealed that you still had three hours left in your shift. You took a few deep breaths and splashed some cool water on your face. The last thing you needed was for someone to ask "what's wrong" and you end up breaking down in front of God and everyone. After you managed to calm down enough to return to your desk, time seemed to slow down, until the remaining three hours felt like twelve. You'd also discovered that you'd left your rain jacket at John's the last time you'd spent the night. Still, most of your body was numb by then anyway, so it didn't really matter as you stepped out into what had to be a freezing downpour at the end of your shift. In all honesty you were grateful for the numbness. You almost certainly would have never been able to drive had it not been for the near void that threatened to consume you as you drove through the crowded city. When you pulled up into the driveway, some of the emptiness cleared away, leaving panic in your chest and your whole body shivering as you sprinted to the door. You hardly registered John opening the door and pulling you inside. Your focus was locked on to the way his face moved while he spoke, committed to memorizing every detail while you still had the chance. Your gaze had fallen to his perfectly plump lips when you realized he was saying your name.

"Y/n, can you hear me, sweetheart?" You shook your head to clear some of the fog from your mind. Might as well get it over with.

"Yeah-" You cleared your throat. "Yeah, I can hear you. When do you wanna come by and get your stuff? Or would you rather me just drop it off here for you?" Confusion flooded his features as you finished.

"What are you talking about? Why would I need my stuff back?" Damn, was he so done with you that he didn't even want his stuff back? You dropped your eyes, knowing that you wouldn't be able to hold his gaze without breaking down completely.

"You're breaking up with me, right?" You cursed silently as tears began to stream down your face. Gentle fingers pressed up beneath your chin to tilt your face back up.

"You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?" You didn't respond, too caught up in the softness of his eyes, and he didn't bother waiting for one anyway. "I said I shouldn't have walked out on you last night. I had some excuse about being tired, but the truth is I was afraid because you were right. I didn't think I would ever be able to love anyone again after Anna." Your heart clenched and the tears began to fall even harder as breathing became difficult. Had you been watching his face, you would have seen the heartache ooze across his features as he watched you break down in front of him. As it were, your gaze had fallen back to the floor, and you jumped when his hand moved up to cradle your face softly. "I was so pissed at myself, and at you for being right, that it wasn't until this morning when I woke up without you in my arms, and it hurt that I realized just how wrong we both had been. You're wrong about me never choosing you. You're smart and kind, and so beautiful you take my breath away when you walk into a room." You hiccupped and fell apart as you processed what he was saying to you. He rushed to pull you into his arms as your knees threatened to give out, and just held you until you could breathe again. He pulled back far enough to look you in the eyes before he continued speaking. "And I was wrong. Because I do love you, and I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out." You gasped deeply and threw your arms around his neck.

"I'm so sorry too. I never should have taken out my frustrations about work on you."

"It's alright. Do you wanna talk about it?" Part of you still felt stupid about the reason for your outburst, but you felt so safe in his embrace that you found yourself nodding in affirmation. He placed a kiss on the top of your head and let you go. The sudden lack of his warmth sent shivers up your spine.

"Jesus. Why's it so cold in here?" You asked, rubbing your arms. He reached out and took your hand with a grin.

"Part of your surprise." He said with a wink. "Come on. I'll show you." You followed him around the corner and into the main room. You came to a stop as your eyes fell on the mounds of blankets and pillows arranged on the floor. He turned to look back when you stopped, and he seemed disappointed when you just looked at him in confusion. "You mentioned a while back that you loved the sound of the rain on the roof here. I'd figured-" He cringed slightly as he stumbled over his words. "Well, I mean I'd hoped-" He began to rub the back of his neck nervously before he continued. "I'd hoped that we'd be able to work things out, so I went ahead and got everything set up. Since they're calling for the storms to last for so long and all." Deciding to put him out of his misery, you stepped forward and pulled him down into a kiss. All the tension left his body as your lips connected, and you couldn't help but grin as you broke apart.

"I promise to not tell Dorian that you're secretly a big ol teddy bear who remembers tiny details about his girlfriend." You joked. John rolled his eyes, but still had a small smile on his face as he pulled you back in for another kiss. Despite his closeness, another chill ran down your spine, reminding you of your original query. "Doesn't explain why it's so flippin cold in here, though." He looked at you and gestured as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"It's a pillow fort. And you've got the internal body temperature of a small space heater. I'd really prefer to not sweat my ass off." He said. You bit your lip to hide your grin as you nodded gravely before replying.

"That would be a tragedy." He also was fighting a smirk as he slightly tilted his head in agreement.

"Exactly. My ass is a national treasure," He said. You giggled and let your smile finally breakthrough as he gestured in a 'come hither' motion. You began to worry your bottom lip between your teeth as you stepped forward. He reached over and pulled the soaking wet towel from your shoulders, surprise in his eyes as if something had just occurred to him. You stepped forward in concern as his eyes seemed to zone out and darken.

"John? What's wrong?" He seemed to snap out of his trance, and he cleared his throat before gesturing to your body.

"Your shirt. It's soaked. You're gonna catch a cold." You followed his gaze to your chest to discover that his eyes had not darkened in anger or frustration, but in lust. He was right, your shirt was absolutely dripping wet. It was also white. Ah.

"Would you prefer me to take it off?" You joked. A smirk emerged on his lips, sending a shudder through you that had nothing to do with the cold. He nodded and closed the distance between you.

"Purely in the interest of your health, of course," He said lowly. You tilted your head in mock defeat and began undoing the buttons of your shirt slowly.

"Well, I'm sure you know best, Detective." You barely made it half-way down the line before his lips were crashing into yours and his hands taking over to speed through the remaining buttons. He paused before he could push the garment off of your shoulders.

"Is this- I mean I don't want to assume- Or make you think I'm only after-" You cut him off with another kiss and shrugged out of the sleeves. He still seemed hesitant, right up until you nipped at his bottom lip. He huffed out a breathless growl before returning the favor, his hands landing on your bare waist to pull you into him. He swiped his tongue across your lip in a silent request for entrance, which you happily granted. Your hands moved to grip at his shoulders while his own began an exploration of your body, sliding up your spine and across your stomach before dropping from your skin entirely. You whined at the loss of contact, but he quickly made up for it by reaching down and pulling his shirt over his head. He leaned back down and placed a soft kiss on your lips. "Just making things even," He murmured against you. His hands found your hips as he led you to the center of the room without breaking the kiss, but it was his turn to grunt in surprise when you gently pushed him down on the pillows. "What-" He stopped when your hands moved to play with the clasp of your bra.

"We're not even yet, Detective." You said coyly. You barely got the garment off before he was tugging you down on top of him and into another breathtaking kiss. A moan escaped your lips as he nibbled your ear, trailing kisses down your neck. You brought a finger up to his mouth, stopping his assault. "We're not done yet, detective." You were smirking and trailing your hands across every bit of his skin you could reach, but you were partly just trying to hide the way you were trembling at having him so close. Another part was just reassuring itself that he was really there, not believing that he was finally truly yours, that you had the broken-hearted detective beneath you. It all felt like a dream until he ground up against you and whispered in your ear.

"Please, (Y/n)," He didn't even finish his sentence before you were climbing off of him to quickly remove your pants and underwear. He followed your lead and, to your surprise, pulled you back down on top of him once he'd finished. You uttered a whimper as he brushed up against your soaked folds, but it turned into a full-fledged whine as he slowly guided you down onto his length. He cursed and his eyes fluttered closed once he was fully sheathed inside you. You both took a moment to breathe and adjust to the sensation, and he finally looked at you when his hands began to guide your hips. "I love you." You leaned down to claim his lips again, tears threatening to fall at the words you'd never thought you'd hear him say. 

"I love you too." You said, pulling back to meet his gaze once again. Such a small declaration, yet it made every movement, every touch, feel different. It was slow and passionate, so contrary to the fast and rough pace that was the norm with John. You couldn't bring yourself to look away from his deep hazel eyes, full of love and adoration, as you moved in perfect sync together. He rose with every fall, hitting so deep inside you that you knew you'd be feeling him for weeks. Your hips began to stutter as the sensations threatened to overwhelm you, and without missing a beat John flipped the two of you. A yelp escaped your kiss swollen lips as his nimble fingers slipped between the two of you to rub deliciously at your clit, and you could feel yourself rapidly approaching your orgasm. "John- please- don't stop!" He seemed more than happy to oblige, maneuvering to thrust impossibly deeper as his lips found your ear once again.

"You gonna cum for me, beautiful? I-" Whatever sweet nothing he had planned to say was choked off into a moan as your orgasm hit you. Your walls clamping down around him dragging him over the edge with you as he worked you through until you were whining with oversensitivity. He finally slid out of you and quickly retrieved a towel to clean you up. When he'd finished, he laid back down beside you and wrapped an arm around you, resting your head on his chest. You hummed in contentment as he began to stroke your hair, nearly drifting off before an idea occurred to you.

"John?" You mumbled against his chest.

"Yeah?"

"Do you still have any of that hot chocolate mix I gave you?" A small laugh rumbled in his chest as he responded.

"Yeah. You want some?" You lifted your head up to smile sweetly and nod your head.

"Yes, please!" John shook his head with a smile and placed a quick kiss to your temple before extracting himself from your embrace. You booed when he slid his boxers back on, earning another grin, this time accompanied by a wink before he headed off into the kitchen. Amongst the quiet, you finally registered the sounds of the rain still hammering against the building, the constant drumming a soothing backdrop to the cozy situation you found yourself in. You stood and slid back into your panties before moving to stand in front of the window. You also grabbed one of the blankets to protect against the chill that pervaded the air around the glass. Looking out, you could barely make out the disturbances the rain made to the surface of the water through the darkness, and yet you still found yourself mesmerized by the beauty of the view. You were drawn out of your reverie when John's voice sounded out behind you. "So, tell me about work. Is that woman causing problems again? What's her name, Kar-" He said as he entered the room. When his voice cut off you looked over your shoulder to find him staring at you with wonder in his eyes. You quickly looked out the window to see what he was staring at but couldn't spot anything particularly special.

"What are you looking at?" You asked, turning back right as he walked over to you. He didn't respond; instead, his hands found their way inside your blanket to grab your hips and push you back against the window. Mild panic set in before he finally spoke up. "John?"

"You're so beautiful." He said, dropping his head to kiss along your neck. You huffed in disbelief and reached up to push against his shoulders.

"You're crazy," Your pressing did little to dissuade him from his task, and you couldn't help but smile as he continued to mutter praises into your skin. "John," You chuckled as he continued to nuzzle into your neck. "Stop it, you're fogging up the glass," Your protests were growing half-hearted though, as his hands began to wander, and his lips trailed softly over your skin.

"And?" He questioned, pulling you back enough that your blanket fell to the floor before moving back forward so you were pressed against the icy cold glass. You yelped at the shock the temperature difference gave your system, trying to shove him back and pull him closer for warmth at the same time, both to no avail.

"I was enjoying the view," You said, breathlessly in a last-ditch attempt to persuade him. He pulled back to look you in the eyes before he responded.

"I've got a much better one right in front of me." His lips found yours and you melted against him. The kiss bordered on desperate, almost as if he was afraid you'd disappear. His hands left a trail of goosebumps behind as the heat of his skin emphasized the chill in the air, sliding up your arms and down your back before moving to play with the skin just beneath your waistband. A whine left you as he dipped his fingers inside to tease at your lips, sliding around and deftly avoiding everywhere you wanted him. Just as you were about to pull back and tell him to stop teasing, he thrust two fingers deep inside you, drawing a surprised gasp from you. "So wet for me," He mumbled against your lips as he began to thrust his fingers inside you. Each pass brushed up against your g spot until you were practically seeing stars and begging him for more. Suddenly, his fingers were gone, and you opened your eyes to find him licking your juices off of them. You let out a desperate whine.

"John, please, please fuck me." You said, reaching out to palm him through his boxers. His hand grabbed your wrist before you could touch him, though, and he spun you around. 

"As the lady wishes." He leaned in and said against your ear. He reached down and pulled himself free from his boxers. John didn't bother to remove your own underwear, instead just sliding them to the side before slowly working his length inside you. You groaned in relief as he began to thrust slowly, pulling out and pushing back in to make sure you were ready. His cock dragged perfectly against every sensitive spot you had, sending pleasure shooting through your body and making your toes curl. Seeming satisfied with your preparedness he began to pick up his pace, hitting deeper inside you with every push. You yelped as his fingers found your nipples, tweaking and pulling on the sensitive buds as you moaned out his name. A hand left your skin and reached up to swipe across the glass, revealing your reflection. "Look. Do you see how fucking gorgeous you are? So beautiful, and mine." He nipped at the skin beneath your ear as his hand moved down your front to rub harsh circles on your clit. You threw your head back against his shoulder, eyes falling shut at the added sensation, but a sharp bite made them shoot open again. "Eyes open, baby girl. I want you to watch as I make you fall apart around me." Your eyes found his in the reflection, and you moaned at the way his pupils were blown wide with lust.

"Please, John, I need more-" You gasped deeply as his thrusts began to pick up speed, knocking you up onto your toes and forcing you to throw your hands up against the glass for support. Your reflection revealed how utterly wrecked you were, and the sight sent you flying over the edge with a scream of John's name. He buried his face in your neck as he continued to thrust, chasing his own release and prolonging yours as you gasped and sputtered, unable to form words thanks to the electric waves of pleasure flowing through you. Just when you thought you couldn't handle anymore, John's thrusts faltered, and he came with a deep groan. He rested his forehead on your shoulder as he waited for his breathing to return to normal, mumbling 'I love you's and pressing kisses into your heated skin. Out of nowhere tears began to flow down your cheeks, a quiet sob escaping you. John immediately noticed, and carefully pulled out of you before turning you around to run his hands over you in concern.

"(Y/n), what's wrong? I didn't hurt you, did I? I'm so sorry, sweetheart-" The panic in his voice made the tears come harder, and you struggled to voice what was happening.

"No, you didn't hurt me-" You hiccupped. "I just- don't deserve you." Confusion crossed his face as he processed what you were telling him.

"What? You-" He seemed to come to a decision, and he went and grabbed his phone, quickly pulling up the dial pad. "Here. Call your work and tell them you're taking the rest of the week off. If they ask why then tell them police business."

"What? John, I can't just-" 

"You've got tons of time off saved up, right?" He cut you off, still holding the phone out.

"Well yes, but-"

"Then, by law, they can't stop you from taking it." You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, trying to control your breathing and stop the tears.

"Why are you doing this?" You asked, finally looking up at him.

"Because I want to spend the next 5 days showing you just how amazing you are." He said, so confident, so resolute, that you found yourself reaching out to grab the phone. 

[plasticbullet]

BET YOU WON'T ANSWER THEM ALL

1: Full name

I've gotten creepy messages on here so I'm gonna keep that private lol

2: Age

27

3: 3 Fears

Abandonment, driving by semi-trucks, bugs

4: 3 things I love

Music, coffee, nature

5: 4 turn ons

Sense of humor, intelligence, height, big hands.. happy trails are sexy

6: 4 turn offs

If they're rude, judgy, closed-minded, or act fake

7: My best friend

Tammy

8: Sexual orientation

Straight

9: My best first date

I have no idea honestly. First dates are always weird

10: How tall am I

5′5″

11: What do I miss

Not having anxiety, traveling, when my boobs were bigger

12: What time was I born

11:30 pm

13: Favourite color

Yellow, green, blue

14: Do I have a crush

It’s more than a crush, but yes

15: Favourite quote

"This is cracking me out" - my kid

16: Favourite place

The forest, Havasupai, California

17: Favourite food

Just about anything Italian. Or with a lot of cheese

18: Do I use sarcasm

Pretty often

19: What am I listening to right now

Wind blowing through the window. It’s like 65 degrees here I love it

20: First thing I notice in a new person

If they seem nice or not

21: Shoe size

7 or 7.5 depending on the shoes

22: Eye color

Blue

23: Hair color

Reddish dark blonde

24: Favourite style of clothing

Grungy but hot

25: Ever done a prank call? Yes

27: Meaning behind my URL

I’ve answered this a couple times before, I’m too lazy

28: Favourite movie

Peanut Butter Falcon

29: Favourite song

All the ones that make me feel things the most

30: Favourite band

A Day to Remember, Brand New

31: How I feel right now

Relaxed

32: Someone I love

My son

33: My current relationship status

In something

34: My relationship with my parents

They’re cool

35: Favourite holiday

Christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing I have

Treble clef on the back of my neck, pierced ears

37: Tattoos and piercing I want

I’m good for now! Maybe more one day

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

I don’t even know, I’ve used this shit off and on since I was 16

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? Nope!

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Yep

41: Have you ever kissed the last person you texted?

Nope

42: When did I last hold hands?

Held hands with my son today

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? Like 20 minutes

44: Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? Yes

45: Where am I right now? In my room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

Probably one of my friends lol

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

Loud unless I’m sleepyy

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? No

49: Am I excited for anything? 🎄🎄🎄

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

Yepp I think so

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

Sometimes if I don't want my kid to sense my stress. Or during boring conversations

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

Today

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

🤷🤷🤷

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

I don’t think so

55: What is something I disliked about today?

I was super sleepy, slept until some stressy dreams woke me up, and can't go back to sleep 🙃

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

That guy from My Octopus Teacher

57: What do I think about most?

People I love, things I have to do, and the randomest shit imaginable

58: What’s my strangest talent?

I barely have any normal talents

59: Do I have any strange phobias? No

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind it unless I feel cute

61: What was the last lie I told?

Something about Santa to my kid

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Depends!

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I feel like ghosts are possible, our energy could keep existing in some ways after our body dies who knows. Aliens exist for sure. Just not anywhere near our planet imo

64: Do I believe in magic? No

65: Do I believe in luck? I believe in good karma

66: What’s the weather like right now?

Kinda chilly/breezy but nice

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

Read Fox in Socks to my kid

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? No

69: Do I have any nicknames? Kind of

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

One time a horse stepped on my foot and it was bruised for months lol

71: Do I spend money or save it? Both

72: Can I touch my nose with my tongue?

Noo! I just tried though hahah

73: Is there anything pink 10 feet from me?

A crayon

74: Favourite animal? Sloths but I love all animals

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

Sleeping surprisingly

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

I can't think of anyone I hate enough to make a good joke out of this

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Colorado Symphony version of The Stable Song by Gregory Alan Isakov

78: How can you win my heart?

Good conversations, make me laugh, show me you care, show me good music, etc

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

Nice things, I don't know lol

80: What is my favorite word? Fuck

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

I ♥️ all the ones I follow

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

Realistically I would have a panic attack and say something stupid 😂

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not that I know of!

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

Maybe the power to pause time so I could sleep or do whatever for however long I want without wasting any time. Or maybe the ability to teleport

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Idk I can't think of one

86: What is my current desktop picture?

It’s the default one, I don’t go on it very often lol

87: Had sex? Yes

88: Bought condoms? No the guys always did that

89: Gotten pregnant? Yes

90: Failed a class? No

91: Kissed a boy? Yes

92: Kissed a girl? Yes

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Yes

94: Had a job? Yes

95: Left the house without my wallet?

Yepp I used to forget it all the time

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

No I'm not a pussy ass bitch

97: Had sex in public?

If you count in a parked car, yes

98: Played on a sports team? Yes

99: Smoked weed? Yes

100: Did drugs? A while ago

101: Smoked cigarettes? Yes, quit a while ago

102: Drank alcohol? Yes

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

Nope! I tried one time just for fucks and it did not last long

104: Been overweight? No

105: Been underweight? Yes

106: Been to a wedding? Yes

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Yes

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

Yes. Marathons and binge sessions

109: Been outside my home country? Yes, Mexico

110: Gotten my heart broken? Yes

111: Been to a professional sports game? Yes

112: Broken a bone? Nope

113: Cut myself? Yes

114: Been to prom? Yes

115: Been in an airplane? Lots of times

116: Fly by helicopter? No

117: What concerts have I been to?

Oh fuck I know I’ll leave some out. Kelly Clarkson (don’t judge me I was 12), All Time Low, Avenged Sevenfold, Papa Roach, Blink-182, Fall Out Boy, Flogging Molly, Jason Mraz, Ed Sheeran, Atreyu, Escape the Fate, went to Warped Tour a couple times in high school so a bunch more emo bands

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? No

119: Learned another language?

A decent amount of Spanish

120: Wore make up? Frequently

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? Yes

122: Had oral sex? Yes

123: Dyed my hair? Yes

124: Voted in a presidential election? Yes

125: Rode in an ambulance? No those are expensive

126: Had a surgery?

Does getting my wisdom teeth removed count

127: Met someone famous?

Saw Alice Cooper at a Cheesecake Factory one time

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

Not stalked, more like checked up on lol

129: Peed outside? On camping trips

130: Been fishing? Yes

131: Helped with charity? Yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? Probably!

133: Broken a mirror? No

134: What do I want for my birthday?

Christmas is coming first idk

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

I have one kid whose name I won’t be posting publicly, annnd I’m open to having another kid sometime in the future but not set on it. No names in mind for that lol

136: Was I named after anyone?

My parents are Catholic so they named me after St. Kieran

137: Do I like my handwriting? It’s alright idk

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

I liked my toy horses and barbies the most probably

139: Favourite TV Show?

Idk I have lots of favorites. I've probably rewatched The Office the most out of all of them tho

140: Where do I want to live when older?

Somewhere chill, surrounded by lots of nature. Arizona doesn’t have much of that lol

141: Play any musical instrument?

I can play the piano but it’s been a while

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

One on my knee from a car accident

143: Favourite pizza topping?

I love onions on my pizzaaaa

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

No, unless I watched a scary movie or something

145: Am I afraid of heights? No

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

Got caught sneaking out when I was 15. Countless other things I can’t remember

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Yep!

148: What I’m really bad at

Doing things on time, paying attention when I’m not interested in something

149: What my greatest achievements are

Having an amazing kid, got first prize in the science fair in 6th grade for gluing a fucking key finder mechanism to the back of a shoe charm (shoe finder), was on time to something once

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

Idkkk

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

Give a lot of it to some family, save a lot of it, get a new house, set aside a savings for my kid, buy a sloth or something

152: What do I like about myself

Fuck I don't know, I try my best hahah

153: My closest Tumblr friend

@spencerwithac

154: Something I fantasize about

Sex in public

155: Any question you’d like?

Nope this was plenty thank you

[notimetoblog]

Pleasure and Business

Summary: Notoriously serious James Barnes has been CEO at his company for a few years now. One day he seems a little different, seems a little happier, and no one really understands why. 

A/N: Ok.... so..... lol this story was born out of those brand new Sebastian Stan pictures. He gave me such a CEO vibe that I knew I just had to write a fic for CEO!Bucky!! I had a lot of fun writing it so I really do hope you guys enjoy it! I hope your weekend is lovely and as always thank you so much for reading :D

“Good morning Mr. Barnes,” Bucky hears his receptionist, Deborah, greet him from behind her desk. Her white hair nicely framing her face, gentle blue eyes behind her large glasses.  A telling smile appears on her face as she takes in his presence. “Having a good morning?”

Deborah had been behind that receptionist desk for years before he had taken over the CEO position at this company. For years she had greeted him warmly only to receive a rushed hello on his way to his office where he would lose himself behind paperwork and a never-ending stream of phone calls. 

But today was different.

Since he had woken up that morning, he knew his disposition would be different; lighter and tons more positive. It was no surprise that Deborah would notice. She was the first person at the office he would rush past, the first person he would often act distant towards. 

“You could say that,” he smiles, not missing the way her face lights up in surprise at having him linger around her desk instead of speed walking into his office. She would usually have to call the phone inside his office to read him his schedule, a peculiar routine they had developed when she noticed he wouldn’t stay around her desk much after arriving. 

“Good to hear,” she replies, gently pushing up her glasses, gaze dropping to read his daily schedule on her computer screen. “I hope the whole day is good to you. Although, I’m sorry to say your schedule seems rather busy. You have back-to-back meetings between 9 and 12. Then I’ve managed to work in a whole hour for lunch, but right after you have a skype call set up to London, and finally the meeting you’ve been prepping for a month.”

“Sounds good, Deborah. Thank you.”

And with that, he makes his way to his office. A few employees littered the hallway between reception and his office all murmuring between themselves. No doubt they had also noticed the difference. 

Bucky had heard it all during his time as CEO. He had listened to the whispered remarks of how much of a hard-ass he was, how he needed to get a hobby to de-stress, or maybe even just quit being such a jerk all the time. He never meant for his reserved demeanor to be taken as standoffish, but that was usually how it was received. In his mind, he was nothing but professional. Keeping his mind where it should be at work; developing good business strategies and making sure the company was meeting its short and long-term goals. Between meetings, calls, business trips, and paperwork, he had no time to stop and socialize with the employees always zipping through the busy hallways of his office. 

So just like he had not been surprised with Deborah’s reaction, the whispers he managed to pick up on his way to his office was nothing but expected. 

“Is he actually happy?” he heard one employee whisper to her friend, promptly receiving an elbow shove when the friend noticed she might have whispered a tad too loudly. 

“He must’ve taken something in the morning. A buzzed boss? Sweet!” whispered another, almost making him chuckle. 

Still, he held fast unto the somewhat serious expression he still had, only letting himself fully smile when he hears the door to his office click closed behind him. 

With his back pressed to the door, he takes in the mess of papers scattered all over his desk. He was usually much neater, but last night he had rushed home, not a care in the world of what his office looked like. 

He couldn’t complain about his office, though. It was messy, but enormous, ample room for a large desk and an equally large bookcase behind it. He didn’t get to read much, if at all, with his busy schedule, but when decorating the office, a good source had told him to keep books around him that reminded him of good things. This, he was told, would give his office a more homey touch, something to make the workplace a bit more appealing and comforting. It was hard to say how much it had worked as his day was filled with never-ending stress, but he couldn’t deny he would find himself staring off into the bookcase behind him, eyes scanning the spines of the book, memories flickering through his mind as he remembered why each book had been given its place along the shelf.  

To the right of the bookshelf, he had placed a large plant. They bring warmth and life; he had been told, so he had set it beside the large window where it would receive enough sunlight. You could even name it, his trusted source had said, and although he had never admitted it, he had given it a name. 

Stepping away from the door, he made his way to the mirror he had put up. Yes, your office is large, but a mirror would make it look even larger, was the advice he received. So, without hesitation, he had put up a large mirror. 

He looked at his reflection, straightening his tie, and even he had to admit his eyes definitely looked brighter, his posture more relaxed. Even in a stiff business suit, in his favorite shade of navy blue that contrasted the light blue shirt he wore, the difference was more than evident. 

Lost in his thoughts, he slightly jumps at the sound of his office phone. 

“Yes, Deborah,” he says, sitting in his chair and mindlessly rearranging the mess of papers on his desk. 

“Your 9 o’clock is here, Mr. Barnes. Are you ready for them?”

“I am,” he lies, now more hastily tossing papers here and there to make his desk seem somewhat more presentable. “Send them in.” 

A minute later he hears a timid knock, followed by Deborah’s head peeking out from behind his office door. 

“Mr. Barnes,” she greets him once more. “This is Mr. Wilson.”

“Thank you, Deborah,” he says, standing up to greet Sam Wilson. 

The meeting with Sam had gone as expected. He had heard a lot of his larger than life personality, his friendly disposition, and his alleged charm. The personality, Bucky had noticed, in fact, the entire city of New York had noticed, but the charm must’ve gone over his head. Never in his life had he been in a meeting with more jokes than the one he had just had with Sam Wilson. Sam’s laugh would erupt in ways that had Bucky wondering just how much of a business meeting this was and how much of a stand-up audition it was. Still, Bucky had managed to bring his company one step closer to working with Sam’s, a deal that would most definitely be beneficial to both but that much to Bucky’s dismay would most likely require another meeting. 

Sam’s deal, though, would be no match to the agreement he could close later that day. His last meeting of the day, as Deborah had mentioned, had taken a month to prepare for. He knew everything had to be just right for things to go in his favor and something deep inside him told him he would get his way.

His 10 o’clock meeting had hit a few bumps, but it hadn’t been a total disaster. It had gone on for longer than expected, so the hour Deborah had carved for his lunch had been cut short to just 20 minutes. 

Practically scarfing down the lunch Deborah had ordered him he rushed to the mirror once more, making sure his teeth had no traces of the meal he had just practically swallowed whole.  

“Hi Suzannah,” Bucky says, his business voice present as he greets his long-term business partner over Skype. 

Suzannah was a boss if ever he knew one. With a no-nonsense attitude, she overlooked the European branch of the company without batting an eye, raking in numbers that cemented her position as someone not to mess with. 

“James,” she greets him, eyes flitting between the camera on her computer and the paper on her desk. “I have good news to share, but that’s come to be expected hasn’t it?” she asked in her British accent, a slight smile on her lips. 

“We’ll see,” Bucky replies. “How has the quarter treated you in sunny London?”

“I never get tired of that joke,” she deadpans, clearly not very amused at his jab at the London weather. Knowing Suzannah for such a long time and being in constant communication with her let him feel more at ease around her. His business demeanor had slowly broken down allowing Suzannah to be one of the few people in the company to know him a bit more personally.  “Makes me almost as happy as the 5% profit increase, I just saw in my numbers.”

“5%, huh,” he begins. “I was expecting ten if I'm honest.”

“Guess I should’ve let one of the many companies that have reached out swoop me away from you since I'm such a letdown to you and your expectations,” she replies, an unmistakable teasing tone in her voice. 

“Would’ve just been a disappointment there.”

“Is little James feeling intimidated by his meeting today? Is that why you're more of a bother than usual? I’m sure she’ll be nice to you, James.”

“I’m not nervous,” he states, hoping his voice wouldn’t betray him. “And I know she’ll be nice. She really has no choice.”

“I’ll beg to differ. The fact that you’ve been preparing this meeting for a month really doesn’t do much to help your argument that you’re not nervous.” 

“I always like to be prepared.”

“How long did you take to prepare for this meeting?”

“This is more of a check-in. You know, to make sure you haven’t finally driven the European branch into the ground.”

“Wanna practice?”

After a beat of silence, he admits.

“I practiced every day before falling asleep, in the shower, on the drive to work. I don’t think I can practice a lot more than I have.”

“Remember it’s only the future of the company that’s at stake.”

“Thank you for that. I really needed to be reminded of that.”

“And also, that this could be your first major deal as CEO, or your biggest failure.”

“Why don’t you go enjoy the sun? I’m sure it’s shining brightly outside your office right now.”

With a chuckle, she replies, “You do realize there is a time difference, right? And that the sun is setting. Also, I should expect my employee of the month award, cash prize preferably, sometime in the mail, right?”

“Sure,” he says with a smile, “I’ll approve the transaction as soon as you get me that 15% increase, I asked for.”

“You said 10%! But I’ll hold you to it! Don’t test me, Barnes!” 

“I’ll be ready to sign the approval. Goodbye Suzannah. She should be here any minute now.”

“Good luck and don’t mess this up!”

Now all he had to do was wait. He should be going over the papers still shoved on the side of his desk, but the thoughts in his mind had begun to race. 

Ever since he had woken up, he had been looking forward to this meeting. She would be here, sitting right in front of him, and the future of his company could be significantly secured and improved. His entire mood had shifted, the whole office had noticed, and now he was minutes away. 

Again lost in his thoughts he jumped at the ring of his office phone. 

“Yes,” he says, voice hinting at his excitement. 

“Your last meeting of the day is here. Should I send them in?” he hears Deborah’s polite voice on the other side of the line. 

“Yes,” he says again unable to answer much more.

Like, before, a timid knock came a minute later followed by Deborah introducing his guest. 

“Please have a seat,” he says, letting her into his office and offering her a chair. “It’s nice to see you.”

Dressed in a black pencil skirt, a white blouse delicately tucked into it and creating a lovely shape on her; she walked over to the chair, her heels hitting his marble floors filling the room with soft little clicks.

“Nice to see you too, James,” she smiles as she takes her seat, her eyes wandering to the bookshelf behind him. “You have so many books.”

“I do,” he agrees, his own eyes flickering to the shelf. As if on instinct, he gets up, his fingers automatically pulling a book out. “This one might be my favorite, actually.”

“The Time Traveler’s Wife?” she asks, an amused look in her eyes, her finger flipping through the pages of the book. “Didn’t think you’d like this kind of book.”

“Someone important told me I should fill my bookshelf with books that remind me of happy times, of home.”

“Is that right?”

“Yes. Someone very important.”

“And that plant?”

“What about it?”

“Does it have a name?” she asks, her lips turning up into a beautiful smile. 

“If it does, I might share it with you after we close this deal.”

“You’re confident this deal will close?”

“I close all my deals.” 

“I’ve been given instructions to make this as hard for you as possible. You understand I have to follow directions, right?”

“And just who is giving you these instructions? I thought you were the boss, the number one.”

“I am,” she replies, setting the book down on his desk. “But sometimes it’s fun to play at these meetings. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane.”

“So, what are you thinking of doing?” 

“I don’t know,” she says, standing up from her seat and wandering over to the mirror on his wall. “This mirror does make your office a lot larger.”

“I know,” he replies, following her to where she now stood. “The same person that told me about the books told me about the mirror.”

“They must know what they’re talking about. They give fantastic advice.”

“They do,” Bucky says, stepping closer. “Saw them this morning, actually. They advised me to wear this blue suit. Thought I might be able to woo in this deal with my killer looks.”

“I don’t believe they mentioned anything about your killer looks,” she smiles, turning to face him. “That just sounds like your ever-expanding ego talking.”

“I’ll have you now my trusted advisor is head over heels for me. She adores me and constantly mentions how handsome she thinks I am.”

“Poor girl must not know how much of a mess her boyfriend keeps on his desk.”

“That,” he says before a chuckle escapes past his lips. “That is just a one-time thing. I swear I’m much more organized.”

“A little defensive, are we?” she laughs, walking past him toward his plant.

Instinctively he follows her close behind, an easy smile on his lips as she touches the large leaves. 

“You know what I heard today?” She asks suddenly, eyes scanning the leaves. 

With a shake of his head, he silently answers her question. Not hearing a response, she turns to him.

“Your whole office is abuzz. Every employee whispering here and there about how happy their boss seems. How much younger he looks. A few girls, I’ve heard, are gushing at how now they can definitely see themselves with the infamous James Barnes. How when he smiles, he doesn’t look as intimidating as before. So yes, with that charming smile and blue suit he can totally ‘get it’,” she says, forming air quotes around the last two words. 

He can’t help the laugh that bubbles up from deep inside his chest. 

“It only took me five minutes to get from my car to the reception, and in those five minutes I’ve heard things I never have in my life heard about other CEO’s.”

“Like what?” he prompts, loving the teasing glint in her eyes, the playful tone in her voice. 

“What, you need more than girls saying you can ‘get it’?” 

“My expanding ego demands more,” he laughs. 

“You might be proposed to before the end of the day.”

“Is that a promise?”

“What I’m curious about,” she says, sidestepping his teasing comment. “Is why all of a sudden their boss is so happy. What on earth is making Bucky Barnes smile for what appears to be the first time?”

“How do you know I go by Bucky?” he asks, eyebrows quirking up. 

“Lucky guess,” she giggles. 

“I don’t know,” he lies, stepping closer to her, almost caving to the need of wrapping his arms around her. “Must have something to do with the stunning woman who promised to propose to me before the end of the day.”

“I never promised.”

“Bold of you to assume I was talking about you.”

He lightheartedly flinches as she raises her hand to hit his arm playfully. 

“So that’s it? A pretty woman schedules an appointment with you, and suddenly you’re all smiles?”

“Has to be one specific woman, but yes.”

“And who’s that?”

“I dunno,” he shrugs. “Just the love of my life.”

Left without words, she timidly drops her gaze choosing to focus on her shoes.

 “His name is Frankie, by the way,” he points to the plant. “I think I just closed my deal.”

“Haven’t even covered actual business details and you just assume? Rumor has it you’ve been preparing for this meeting for a month.”

“Here are all the details we need to cover. Are you ready? Your business and mine together mean magic. You have everything I need, believe me, and I can give you exactly what you’re looking for. I am confident about that last part too.” 

“What about numbers? Have any for me?”

“Sure,” he smiles. “I’m 100% confident I can fulfill everything you want me to.”

“That easy, huh?” she asks, sizing him up with just her gaze. 

“That easy,” he confirms. 

“Care to demonstrate?” 

“With pleasure,” he responds, finally closing the distance between them with a single step. 

He lets his arms wrap around her waist, hands gliding over the delicate material of her blouse. He drinks in the gasp he manages out of her as he lets his lips crash onto hers. Slowly, he walks them both away from the corner of his office next to the plant, his arms securely around her, as he makes his way to the wall by the door. 

Pressing her against the wall, he finally lets his hands roam down her skirt, feeling every inch of her within reach.

“Just had to wear this skirt,” he says, breaking the kiss for a second. “And those heels?”

“You’re wearing that suit. Needed to make sure I looked just as good.”

Letting his lips retake hers, he deepens the kiss, melting at the way her hands now played with his hair. 

“We do really need to talk numbers, Buck,” she says breathlessly, parting from the kiss much to his disappointment. 

“I know,” he replies. “I have a whole presentation for you, but just come here,” he says, pulling her close again. “Not every day I have you in my office, doll.”

And she lets him kiss her to his heart’s content. There pushed up against the wall, she lets his lips roam her neck, her jaw, lets him nip at her ear lobe, and passionately drink in every tiny noise he brings out of her. She lest him kiss her deeply and tenderly as if they hadn’t seen each other and kissed each other goodbye just this morning. 

Because somehow this situation has made a mess of both of them. Somehow, the fact that no one outside the door she’s pressed up next to knows about them, knows that they are in here getting lost in each other’s lips, knows that no actual business is taking place, has driven them to madness. Something about the fact that here they are, at the top of their professional game and desperately in love makes this meeting so much fun. 

“All smiley just for me,” she teases when they part for air. “Who knew James Barnes, CEO could be such a sap. You saw me this morning you goof.”

“Yes, but just the thought of seeing you again makes me happy. You do know I’m entirely in love with you, right?”

“I think so, yes,” she laughs. “Maybe try smiling more even if I don’t have a meeting with you. But stay away from the girl at HR, she’s the one that seemed that most excited about your smiles.”

“Copy that,” he smirks, placing one last kiss on her lips before stepping away. “Should we talk numbers now?”

“Lets,” she agrees, smoothing out her skirt and blouse. “And Frankie is an adorable name,” she beams. 

“Like it?” he chuckles as he arranges the papers he had prepared for their meeting. “It just looks like a Frankie.  And how about the book? Would it be one of your favorites, perhaps?”

“It’s almost as if you know me, Mr. Barnes,” she smiles, taking a seat across from his desk. 

“Nothing reminds me more of home than you, darling, so I had to be sure you were represented.”

“You are a charmer, aren’t you?”

“You know who is not a charmer?” he asks, a suddenly serious expression on his face. “Sam Wilson. The way you spoke about him, you had me thinking he was a prince. Guy threw in more jokes than I’ve ever heard in my life.”

“Sam is a great guy,” she laughs. “Maybe you’re jealous.”

“Shall we talk numbers?” he asks again instead, but she doesn’t miss the smile that threatens to appear on his lips. 

“Yes,” she replies with a soft chuckle. 

Back at home, they forget all about the numbers discussed. They forget about the details they still have to iron out. They forget about the contracts they have to draw up now that they’ve reached a deal. Instead, they choose to lose themselves in each other again. Choose to explore not a business, but every inch of their bodies. Choose to celebrate the only way they can think of; in each other’s arms knowing that business would be so much more pleasurable now that they would both be a part of it. 

----

Bucky tags :D

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