#lol. it only hurts this much right now …….

[sysig]

Just keep getting back up (Patreon)

[crybaby-bkg]

writing a slow burn enemies to lovers fic is. a lot harder. than I had expected.

[running-in-the-dark]

just got a conch piercing!

that wasn't the plan initially but the piercer convinced me (not really, that was intended to be the next one if this one healed well anyway. but she said in her experience conch piercings heal better than high lobes so yeah why not)

it looks cute 💖

[sleepydane]

2024 is like...fr fr i WANT to be better. I NEED to be or it's going to cost me big time. I'm gonna force myself on walks, I'm gonna take better care of my teeth, I'm going to read real books again, I'm going to go to bed at a better time, I'm going to get a job and stop having heart attacks every time i need to drive somewhere. I'm going to really really reach out more to my friends that have stuck with me this long and I'm going to feel BETTER goddamnit 😭😭

[keptthepieces]

just another diary entry obvs

[mbat]

idk what it is about hearing the song unwell by matchbox 20 in a public area but it hits different. what do you mean other people know this song thats music video has 94 million views and top lyric video has 52 million views. its my song. talk to me about it (dont actually)

[daily-whistlepaw]

daily whistlepaw until e becomes PoV day 1053

whis with eaglewing

[pepprs]

also the favoritism thing is still making me so fucking mad and insane btw. im not jealous / resentful of my brother bc he deserves her love and is also burdened in his own ways by it and bc i think my drama w my mom has shaped my life in profound ways and given me friends i cherish and i would never trade any of that for the world but jesus fucking christ. why do i have to beg you to interact with me like a mother. why do i have to talk to me at all beyond asking me to do you 847439473 favors a day. why do i have to beg you to take an interest in my life and apologize when you hurt me and be nurturing and perceptive for once in your fucking life. like it hurts to hear her asking him about his classes and whatever bc she didn’t think i was stressed out w school but i had to talk to a ****** hotline last decemver when i couldn’t take it anymore and my mental health was crashing and burning and it doesn’t even fucking matter to her at all and she’s going to get him the nice gifts and throw him the nice parties and whatever because she hates me and my sister for… and let me get this straight… being complicated and anxious and depressed and also girls. lol!

[wewontbesleeping]

I WOULDN’T MARRY ME EITHER

[risingsunresistance]

no wait that was a lie there is one more song i don't think i'll ever be able to listen to again

[orcelito]

Also the fact that it's 4/20. The holiday I "observe" (typically by making jokes) despite not being a weed smoker. And I spent all of today filled with dread, actively miserable, actively distraught, and then vaguely dissatisfied/depressed

😊✌😋 happy 4/20 to a certain dead bastard in particular

[artekai]

Honestly "I could give you the world but you'd poison the seas" is Frosscore enough that it could apply to most people who have ever cared about him. But also, it should clearly be about Lis. Combine that with Aloy's "Elisabet is the only reason you even have a planet to return to" for greater impact. Boom

[rosicheeks]

:(

[icewindandboringhorror]

Daily Log 5

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Not much, I had to run errands most of the day and also felt incredibly tired, probably because the cats woke me up like 4 times last night begging for food and things. Overly warm and headachey a lot.

I planted a few new flowers, and pressed more flowers and clovers in my Large Sturdy Flower Pressing Book as well.

Actually worked on translating the text for the previously mentioned tapestry/painting thing. I think I've decided that it doesn't really matter very much, because nobody else even knows anything about this conlang except for me, so they won't know if it's wrong lol.. It is not entirely completed after all (complete enough to translate most simple sentences into consistently, but also there are a few spots here and there where I haven't fully worked out the way some part of speech actually functions or etc., or I wrote down one thing that later contradicts something else, so occasionally I reach a sentence that I'm not sure exactly which rule to follow to translate, and I need to do a larger comprehensive organization of the document to work out all the kinks and declare officially like 'THIS is the ONE way this is done' etc. etc.) - so because of that, I think I'll just kind of 'do my best' and if the rules now end up changing in the future as I further work on the language, then, that's fine, because nobody can read it anyway lol. Kind of like that song on my side music youtube that's sung in genuine Avirrekava lyrics but also I wrote them years ago and some of the sentences have now become outdated/invalid.

Washed and cleaned some kale so it will be dry for me to maybe make silly kale chips tomorrow.

Final proofreading + posting of the poll adventure thing.

eughh,, literally nothing else.. I hate running errands because it always makes me feel drained and sick after, plus I get nothing else done all day except for just going places. I know checking my p.o. box and picking up cat food and stuff is technically still a productive action, but it just feels like.. i should be getting all of my long term projects done instead lol.. what about the videos?? or worldbuilding?? what does grocery shopping have to do with elves??!?! >:V (aside from pretending to be a group of fantasy creatures evaluating produce having an imaginary conversation with yourself at the store ghghj,, but that is not productive either lol)

Notable sights: Found 13 four leaf clovers, and 2 five leaf clovers, though one of them is almost a 6 leaf (like one of the leaves is nearly split all the way into a sort of heart shape, just not entirely). Also two of the clovers are HUGE, probably the biggest 4 leaf clovers I've ever collected, like 2 inches across maybe. The sky was very pretty a lot with big fluffy white clouds. Not a 'sight' really, but I got to sit in air conditioning for a little while today and it was very nice. I love the cold crisp kind of stale air smell, like walking into a freezer or something (which I used to do when I was a kid, I would sneak into a walk-in freezer at a school cafeteria and just sit there for a while lol), it's comforting to me.

Goals moving forward: Consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.

Notable foods: Had a bit of smoked gouda and green onions in my Mandated Completely Plain Flavorless Grits For Breakfast this morning, as a littol treat lol.. Tried a 'biscoff' ice cream bar, which is generally a flavor profile I like, but I think I would usually rather be eating a cookie than having ice cream. Also an Ensure nutritional drink, which I know most people consider gross but I genuinely like them.. maybe it's like a source of comfort when my stomach is too sick to eat, like 'oh well at least I can have this cold smooth textured chalky chocolate thing' lol.

Sort of like how I have positive conditioning to feel safe/comfortable in bathrooms (due to it usually being one of the only places you can safely retreat from a social situation or get out of crowds in public areas, etc.), even though rationally I have no particular reason to like bathrooms much, and most people dislike public bathrooms especially. Fellow public bathroom and ensure nutritional shake lovers unite! (3 of us in the entire world)

[that-was-anticlimactic]

Saw you posting Reki again. Everything okay?

(Thanks for showing us Reki 🥰)

lol

i mean like. literally speaking, yes. but i ran out of my meds a little over a week ago and keep forgetting to call the doctor's office to get a refill before they close so i have. not been Great this week but for literally No Reason lol

always i will always show reki have you seen him? have you seen my reki? okay thank you anyway. i love my reki. reki, my love...

oF sKaTeBoArDiNg

[quickhacked]

>> oc tarot quiz

was tagged by @aartyom to take this test for my ocs, thank you so much!! tagging @coffeebucko, @awful-roffle, @quinndecker214, @bluemojave , @henbased, @coyote-skull, @dieselsardine, @radioactiveshitstorm, @turbo-virgins, @necro-hamster and anyone else who wants to do this :D <3

the hermit

it’s a skill, to look inside yourself, one you have mastered. the endless corridors and shifting thoughts are mapped to very carefully. this all takes time, of course. and those twisting hallways are so very difficult to map. it would be so easy to get lost. you know this space so well. wouldn’t it be a lovely place to stay? so well-known and comforting. why go back? how nice, how easy, to dissolve, to hide from the rest of the world and all the people in it. why bother, when you are so good at looking inside yourself. like enlightenment, the self. retreating this far inwards is like retreating just as far out, into the vast ether. so comforting. the thing that was you looks at the thing that was the old woman. there is no you anymore. goodbye

attempt 1 - death

a cheery woman’s voice chimes from above. "game over! please restart and try again." the old woman holds a baby in her arms and makes to pass it to you. will you take it?

attempt 2 - justice

what would you do to ensure justice? you know full well i don’t speak of lofty ideals and courts and magistrates, dearest. what would you do to those that hurt you? if i dropped them in your lap, what would you do? what kind of pain could you possibly inflict upon them? you are right to do so. you are right to want to do so. ignore the screaming, dearest, you are the hand of justice now, and they hurt you. do not look too closely at their faces, dearest. you are within your rights. you spell out your own rights, now. are you happy about it? are you certain that this is the right person you hold by the hair? does your anger hurt less now?

the moon

you avoid corners and doorways - do you know why? have you looked inwards recently? do you understand what is happening there? your mind is muddled and dusty, a mirror you haven’t been able to clean properly. smudging the nervousness just leaves streaks on the glass, which makes your face harder to see, which makes you nervous. what are you nervous of, darling? what keeps you up at night? why haven’t you confronted it? do you know what it is? can you answer my questions? are they making you nervous? am i frightening you?