#long fuckin thang

[hellsitegenetics]

I’ve come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog’s a bitch ass mother fucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That’s right, he took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was THIS BIG. And I said “that’s disgusting!” So I’m making a callout post on my twitter dot com: "Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick, it’s the size of this walnut except WAY smaller." And guess what, here’s what my dong looks like: PFFFFFFFFGJT. That’s right baby. All point, no quills, no pillows, look at that it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife so guess what, I’m gonna FUCK THE EARTH. THATS RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, MY SUPER LAZER PISS. Except I’m not gonna piss on the earth, I’m gonna go higher. I’m pissing on the MOOOOOON! How do you like that, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss d r o p l e t s hit the fucking earth, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!

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Closest match: Molanna angustata genome assembly, chromosome: 4 Common name: Hood casemaker fly

[xenomorphicdna]

I pixeled up my sillies

@gooberdingus pspsps hi, waving at you,, only tagging cuz I saw your thing as was like woa

[kissesfrombangtanatnight]

Pillow Talk: Jimmy Uso

AN I do not own the image in this image.

You lied in your husbands muscular arms feeling so loved and secure. He lied beside you kissing along your collarbone ever so gently.

"Look, if you think you're about to sweet talk your way into round three, you're wrong. I'm tired as hell and sore. Nobody told you to be going that damn hard." You say playfully hitting his arm. He looks down smirking at you.

"If I remember correctly, you were yelling out daddy, fuck me harder! right there! ahh! just a few moments ago." He says imitating your high pitched moans.

"Boy shut uppp." You say hiding your face in his chest as if this weren't y'alls umpteenth time having sex. But, every time felt so different with him. He knew your body and needs like the back of his hand. Your man was ready to do whatever, whenever, however to your body, all you had to do was give him the green light. "But seriously babe, I don't think I'm gonna make it to work in the morning." You groan.

"If I don't have that thang sore, I ain't doin my job. Besides, you were gonna call in sick anyway. I did you a favor." You playfully roll your eyes though he can't see in the dimly lit room. A comfortable silence falls between you to as you trace the tattoos on his lower arm.

"Baby, you remember how we met?" He asks suddenly, caressing your hip. You think back to the time you and Jimmy met twelve years ago.

"How can I forget. You came up to me talkin bout some you're gonna be my wife. Boy you just don't know you almost got your ass slapped. No, for real, you was about to have me kill your future generations with one damn kick between your legs." You say looking up at him as he laughs.

"So am I wrong for speaking it into existence? You're right here aren't you? I knew I had you the minute I walked up. You were then one, I had to let you know." He smiles that beautiful smile of his.

"I'm just saying, can't be saying shit like that these days. Have you six feet under."

"But seriously though, I'm glad I did. We've come a long way. It hasn't always been easy and I know there were plenty of times we both could've walked away, but we didn't. What we've built these past decade can't be broken. I love you so much. You're my world, aside from my kids. I love you. I love you. I love you." He says in between kisses.

"I love you more than you know. I've never felt love like this. Like, I found everything I every wanted and needed in a husband in you. And one day, everything I need in the father of my children. I got you no matter what, and you don't have to doubt that. Good or bad, thick or thin, know that I'll be right there." You say sincerely kissing his smiling lips. You pull him closer, tangling your hand in the nap of his neck. His beautiful hair falling down his face. Your tongue explored each others mouths as you let out soft whimpers. He's already hard again and your wetness is making your thighs slippery. If the mood couldn't have been more set, it began to rain outside.

"Speaking of. You make me wanna get you pregnant." He groans. You watch as he pulls away momentarily to get off the bed. You already knew what that meant. You turn around on your stomach and position yourself for him. Before you can even do it yourself, he grabs you by your ankles and pulls you to the end of the bed. He teases your wet entrance with his tip as you look back biting your lip in anticipation.

"Ready for me baby?" He asks pushing his tip into you causing you to gasp.

'Hell yeah, put that fuckin baby inside me." You beg. Nothing more needed to be said as he guides himself into you slowly. "Fuck baby." You hiss gripping on the sheets tightly as your man stretches you out.

"Say less baby because I'm about to make sure nothing spills out." He smirks knowing this was going to be a very, very long night for you.

[curvykittyyssmutfics]

Womanizer ft. Geto

womanizer!Geto is very much aware of how fine he is. Struts through the school with his head and nose way to fuckin high in the air. You think the hungry way the girls look at him might actually feed his energy, he seems to literally level up from it and its absolutely ridiculous. But don't think he doesn't notice how your burning gaze rake over him before you pretend it has no effect on you.

womanizer!Geto even though he's hella cocky, still has a soft heart; just doesn't want anyone to about it. Whether it's of monetary value or not, he'll help any way he can. Suguru might be sex on a stick and confident as fuck but he isn't heartless. Only Saturo knows this side of him.. Till one night when he tried to play match maker and end up spilling the beans to you.

womanizer!Geto isn't just a pretty face, so doesn't like his girls brainless. Unless its cause of his cock ofcourse. He doesn't keep em long but expects to get a bit familiar before he tries to hit. Doesn't think anyone not pursuing a higher knowledge is really worth his time. Interesting lil fact: of all the years Suguru's known you, he swiftly peeps how intelligent you are and always been.

womanizer!Geto obviously loves attention from the ladies. Like waaay too much. Turns you off matter fact. And he notices. Which is weird. Cause he usually only notices when women throw themselves at his feet. "Goin to Geto's party inna few weeks? Come on, hang with us? Could use another pretty face there." Suguru over hears Satoru ask you after class. "Hmmm.. Maybe. Though I think you two horny sluts have enough eye candy on the menu." You answer with a eye roll. "Me? We? Sluts?" He feigns ignorance as you shake your head laughing. Meanwhile, Suguru wonders when in the world has he ever thought bein called a slut was arousing cause.. His dicks startin to chub.

womanizer!Geto isnt really into easy women. Most of the cute lil thangs from school put out just watchin that talented tongue swipe across his bottom lip. Knows he doesn't have to do much work and sometimes that puts him off. He doesn't even like to talk with a woman if he doesn't think he's gonna hit but nothin gets his dick softer than a girl that open her legs to him before she even knows his name. Funny though.. Suguru notices you don't date. At all. Kinda wonders what it would take to get a chance with your pretty ass. So he asks you one day while you guys practice sparring. "Y/n, how long have we known each other?" Straightening from your fighting stance, absolutely befuddled as you answer. "Bout 5+ years, as you already know. Why?" Suguru steps closer, trailing his index finger down your cheek. "Cause I wanna know why in the 5 years that you've known me, you've never given me a chance." You tsk at him. Is he serious? "Boy, ya dick been in every one under the sun." You're response throws him off, makes him chuckle as he thinks about your words. You ain't lyin. He uses protection though.

womanizer!Geto has always had a high sex drive. Except lately. He just doesn't know why he can't get it up when he's not thinkin about you. Hasn't been interested in any of his usual conquests lately. To add to the madness, jerking offs become a pain in the ass if he doesnt let you swim into his thoughts. So he sulks and pouts about it in class one day- till he sees heading to your seat. Suguru's dark eyes are glued to how your tits slightly jiggle in your robe as you walk. Man, would bet every single penny he had that you're fuckin gorgeous everywhere. "Hi, y/n" "Hey, Sugu! Wassup?" Oh shit.. No, no, no, no.. Cute way you say his name, moist pretty plump lips, and that fuckin body.. His dick. His dick is definitely what's up right now.

womanizer!Geto usually has a harem of cute girls following him around like puppies. Not the night of his party, he trails after you like one instead. "Come on y/n, just gimme a chance." He a bit tipsy so you continuously evade him. You're soakin wet from dodging Suguru's advances, his nasty words and exploring fingers. So you head into the kitchen to poor yourself a drink and gets some space. Unfortunately for you he meets you there and you groan at his persistence. "Geto, quit it. You're just horny. And there's plenty of fuck toys round here for you to play with. So beat it." You grumble. Suguru whines at your rejection, cornering you as you try to side step him. "Don't like when you're mean to me. Or when you call me that." He lies through his teeth. Only one of those two sentences are true. "Fine, Sugu. Happy? Now go find one of your playthings. Fuckin manwhore." Okay now hes perplexed, your mean words having the same effect when you called him a slut. Suguru thinks you should know since it's your fault. He pins you to the counter, pressing his hard dick into you. You gasp, fingers gripping into the sides of his shirt, havin to fight not to let your eyes flutter shut at his bulge pressuring your tingly clit. "Can't, y/n. Dick never gets hard for them anymore. Have fucked in weeks. Can't even cum without you on my mind. Help me out, baby pleeaase." You've never seen him so desperate, pawing at your backside as he sticks his face in your neck. Won't stop dry humping and licking you as he inhales your scent. "Sugu-" He cuts you off, pleas wearing you down real quick. "Promise I can make you feels so good. Know how to make that lil kitty purr, baby. Lemme show you?" You're eyes trail off over his shoulder as you think about it. Fuck, why not? He's the most wanted attraction in town, how could not get a ride too? You accidently catch Saturo's gaze. Grin wide when he does a peace sign, sticking his tongue between the two fingers and wiggling it. He points at Suguru and gives you a thumbs up, signalling how good his BFF's pussy eating skills are. Shit, that seals the deal; you def need a demonstration. "Fine, Sugu." You feign irritation, pushin him back and pullin him towards his bedroom. "Better not disappoint me. Not gonna get another chance, playboy." Promises of your pleasure spill from Suguru's lips as you drag him by his t-shirt, him secretly hoping you'll continue your lil mean act while riding his cock.

[angelnumber27]

Y’all wanna know what like the BEST filling maybe of all time? Definitely of all time, the best feeling of all time is when - okay. You know the blent you smoked this morning? The one you woked up to roll. That one. Okay. And then but you only smoke half of it. Okay. And then you work all day long. You go to fuckin work, you do the fuckin job real fuckin good. You’re like-you’re the best. You do everything you boss asks of you. You are real fuckin cordial with your coworkers. All the customers love you. All these custies come in and they just like they think you’re the greatest. You’re the greatest of all time. You worked all day long. In theEeEnd, you come home, and you smoke the other half of that blent. That’s the greatest feeling ever ‘cause it’s just like so…it’s…this is some old-ass shit too! Like…I’m a grown-ass woman, I’m an adult. And this is my laife. That’s, theHEH, that’s the breakdown of my everyday life for y’all. It’s……incredible. My fat…my fat fabuhlous life. Iiii’m about to get so fucking high, too. Sooo hiiiigh. I’m gonna li-should I light it on camera? Should she light it on CAMERA? Hell yeah, she should light it on camera. Actually, I can’t because I gotta, um, I gotta use both of my hand. I’m using my hand to hold my phone. Oh my god, that’s not, uh, that’s not me, I’m not that fat. Speaking of that, I need to work out. But the thANG is is that I feel like I walk so much, like, living here, you knoooow. Like, I just can-I can’t. I don’t wanna work out. I wanna like - shit. I wanna, like, get back actIIIVE? Like, maybe, like…nobody wanna be in a…no one wanna do…no one wanna play with me. No one wanna play volleyball with me. No one wanna play fuckin nerd shit with me. Everybody I-Everybody I know just wanna get fucked up. I need some better friends. I need people who wanna do shit, you know? Like, I don’t wanna fuckin just get fucked up all the time. And like…that’s a waste of your laife. Like, I wanna be active. I wanna snowboooard or whatever. Oh my-I’m so high already, you guys. That’s the per-this is the perks of life.

[gildasfantasy]

Id really like to credit my friend panda for helping me out on editing my story because they noticed mistakes I made <3 besides I'd like to have new ideas so it you guys want me to do something new like, new ships or share your plot ideas it'd be great !! I do oc/yn X any character from any show and game and fluff+nsfw+angst ect!!

First times in a relationship's can be scary especially if everytime you've had sexual contact, it wasn't filled with love you so desperately craved

Husk and angel had formed a friendship after their bonding near the bar that night, it was clear to everyone that there was more than friendship between the two and after awhile they made their attraction be known and a loving relationship blossomed between them but they promised to never let this relationship out the hotel to reach the ears of Valentino, angels boss. Many months has passed since they made it official and they found themselves at the 8 month mark, husk being the awkward romantic he is, he wanted it to be something immensely special for angel just to show how much he genuinely loved him.. Husk examined the stores down the pathways of the somewhat busy area but no matter how hard he searched all he could find was bondage stores, lingerie stores ect; and he didn't want that, he didn't want angel to think he was just like all the rest of the men he had to deal with and additionally, husk wasn't a big.. sex fiend.. sure he got urges but he had boundaries and the thought of leather wear and overly threatening sex felt disgusting to him, so he despised these types of stores..eventually after a long day of trying to search he sighed, he'd been to every ring, even the lust ring, but still he hasn't found what he felt was right for angel, what was he supposed to get for someone that gorgeous? He was down on his luck til he heard two strangers talking down the sidewalk as if they were married and raised his head to look at the imps. One imp had black hair, 'a girl' he noted absent-mindedly, and the other imp had white hair, 'a guy'." 'excuse me? Sorry, I don't mean to listen in on you folks but am I right to assume you're both..?" "Together? Yea we're married' the white haired imp spoke, his voice kind of scratchy that made husks ears twitch ever so slightly, 'great! I need help, me and my boyfriends 8 month mark is comin' up and I can't find anything romantic.. everywhere I look it's just.. sex novels or over-the-top sexual stores.'

The black haired imp girl spoke excitedly, her southern accent bounced off of her husband's demeanor like a bouncy-ball on a whiteboard "Well hi thereee! You're alright to ask, sugar —"

"I'd suggest checkin' out LooLoo Land stores! Even though its a theme park they have the gosh darnedest cutest things, my mox got me a thang from there!' 'christ' husk thought to himself, already he formed a headache solely because of her loud voice but despite it, he thanked her, she was kind enough to help "thanks" *his deep voice grumbled but his expression was as if he were genuinely trying to force an awkward smile and eventually they changed paths and husk found himself on the way to the infamous looloo land, loud blaring music and the sound of kids screaming and crying made husk furrow his brows and groan but it was worth it to find something angel could love..perhaps after an hour of searching he found it.. a stand filled with stuffed animals and one caught his eye immediately.. a white bear with crossed out red eyes stitched in along with round red cheeks at each side of its smile,

he knew it'd be beyond perfect for his angel and he threw a coin at the stand-man, a determined look plastered on his face. Husk picked up the toy-gun and shot water at the wooden stands. No matter the amount of times he hit them though, the standman rigged the game and after draining his coin pocket dry, Husk had enough and tackled the man. Pulling him close by the collar and holding a sharp claw up to his neck. "Give me the fuckin' bear." He growled, and while he would usually never lose his composure, he was not going to let that bear be dangled in front of him. Feeling the man shudder with a nod, he backed away to let him grab his prize; the bear and his money back in full. He loved it, the texture of the bear and the way it felt on his fur made him know Angel would adore it. A proud look made its way to his face subtly and he walked out of the park happily, believing that to be enough from LooLoo land today. he deserved everything. Angel deserved the universe, in Husk's eyes and as he walked, he found his eyes gravitating towards a jumper on the way back home. It was beautiful; the jumper was white with flowers trailing up the sleeves in pink stitching and a heart cutout on the chest and on the back. It looked as if it was made for Angel, with a lighter wallet and a newfound bag in his claws, along with a bouquet of Devil-Eye flowers (Mammon Special!) he made his way back home. Husk smiled as he walked through those hotel doors and stood in front of sir pentiouses big portrait on the wall and sighed. "Wish me luck, buddy." he muttered as he made his way to the second floor of the hotel and faced the door of Angel's room, staring at the picture of his boyfriend and their friends. It made Husk's heart melt and his fur grow hot at the beauty of Angel. with courage that took a few minutes to tame, he twisted the doorknob and opened it to see his Angel sitting with a book in his top hands. He cleared his throat lowly and watched as Angel perked up and smiled, "Whiska's! Ya made it!" he said In disbelief

lord, Angel adored husk more than afterlife itself

He knew Husk was genuine, but a part of him still doubted he'd show up for their 8th month. He was pleasingly surprised to be wrong as he pecked both sides of Husk's face and massaged his fingers into his cheek fluff and slid them up to scratch behind his ears; causing Husk to purr and melt lovingly into his touch and for his leg to ever so slightly start thumping "ah what's this then husky, this fa' mee?" Angel said teasingly, his tone joking to ready himself to be wrong. Angel couldn't believe it, he nervously took the gifts and smiled at the bouquet 'husk' he spoke 'i don't know what ta' say..' his voice seemed much softer as he sat down in his bed, the silk curtains draped up and the pink lighting above set such a pretty tone to the scene.. he placed the flowers down against his bedside table before taking a look at the jumper, sliding straight into it and it fit so perfectly. Husk could barely believe his eyes, all four arms fit so perfectly and angel suited it so well, it made husk feel hot N heavy, his cheeks slightly pink tinted 'i knew you'd like it ange' " he smiled softly just before angels tears slipped, his hand covering one side of his face to wipe his tears.. husk didn't know how to respond, 'aye what's wrong ange'.. do you not like it? I can take it bac-" "no!- no I love it I just.. didn't.. expect it' he admitted with a smile.. the two of his arms connected to his waist wrapped around himself like a self hug.. his heart was racing and in that moment husk was the only one he cared for, the only one he ever wanted to be with and die with.. he placed a kiss against husks lips, but it was soft, like their lips had barley even touched.. and before he could respond again he made contact with the bear husk had 'won' for him and got ecstatic "huska' it looks like me' awh you big-' he immediately wrapped his arms around husk and buried his cheek into his head, his fingertips stroking his cheek.. Husk laughed and held angels back to pull him closer, like this hug wasn't enough contact for him.. in the moment it's like a piece of a puzzle finally clicked and he took a deep breath, pulling away and holding one of angels hand 'i.. want.. you to know I'm ready' he smiled and this confused angel, 'ready fa' what huskie..' he responded like his heart dropped to his stomach 'to be intimate with you' he whispered, his eyes drifting up to meet angels gaze 'oh.. huska' don't force ya'self for lil ol' me.. I can wai-" "no, I want this.. I want you but I don't know.. what, I'm doing.. I'm scared I'll embarrass myself y'know' he sighed as he traced his fingers through his hair to push it back, a huff leaving his lips and his eyelashes fluttering shut to avoid angels stare 'aright then but.. I.. can help, we all start somewhere yaknow?'

It'd been awhile since husk had been intimate with anyone, the last time he did he was alive and walking earth, but this felt so different because he WANTED to be perfect for angel.. so he smiled and took his boyfriends hands, and kissing him, a passionate, gentle kiss that burned straight through with not just love but lust too, for once angel felt genuinely... Turned on by the thought of sex and he slowly shuffled down, propping himself up on his bottom elbows while his other arms hoisted around husks neck, the dim room only lit by the pink lighting above angels bed had made it feel so much more perfect, husk, being the nervous guy he was didn't know where to touch him so instinctively he moved his hands up to hold angels chest fluff and immediately angel pushed back, panting with only drool stringing their lips together, 'shit, I'm sorry' husk said immediately before angel shook his eyes, eyes wide and breath heavy 'nono, husk it's okay I just want expecting it, it's hard to..' husk frowned and lay flat against angel, his head against his chest fluff 'we don't have to do this ange' trust me I'm not a sex-maniac, I'll wait til you can feel safer with this whole thing' he spoke reassuringly, his hands moving up to hold angels cheeks, swirling his thumb just under his eye 'husk, it's fine, I want this but it's hard to.. know what people are gonna do when all I've ever been through was abuse and unconsenting touchy sex yaknow..' 'yea I know sweetheart' husk lifted himself up a little, angels legs around his waist as he peppered soft kisses down his neck towards his arms 'ill be gentle with you my love.. let me show you what love is, trust me, all I ever want to make you feel is my love'

And with that angel smiled and nodded, his head slowly cocking back as a sign of angel giving himself over to husk, at this point they could hear their own heartbeats as well as each others heartbeat, the sensuality raising the heat through the roof as husk slipped off angels shorts..his hand sliding down his hips and down his v-line til eventually he found himself grasping at angels cock, slowly moving his hand in a up and down motion while undressing himself, angels moans felt like music to his ears, knowing he was capable of actually making angel feel good sent knots of love and lust into his gut and he craved so much more..

but at the same time, watching angels face, his brows furrow and his mouth agape, his pretty waist jolting up and his hips bucking into husks touch as if he wanted more friction, god he looked gorgeous like that and husk let his desires take control. He pulled his hand away and slid his arms under angels back with his palms behind angels head, fingers interlocked into his hair before finding himself entering angels hole, a groan leaving his lips while angel wrapped his arms around husk, their bodies close enough to make the heat somehow hotter, angel seemed to grip onto husks fur and pull like he needed even closer so husk obliged and pushed himself up against angel, his head buried in his chest fluff and loud purrs alongside moans escaped his lips, he was quite the sensitive man, not very aggressive dominant, and angel adored it, The shockwaves of love being pumped into angel overwhelmed him, when it was more loving, it just felt better to angel, he let this pleasure be known via his whimpers, moans, cries, whispered begs for more, not just that but his body reacted so strangely.. his legs twitched and perked up sometimes and his hips arched upwards, the spiders hands gently stretching behind husks ears 'good kitty' angel whispered 'fuck, my god' hmmnph.." be cried out quietly all the while husk slowly thrusted into angel, his dick twitching inside angel causing a reaction from both of them, husker tightened his hug like grip on angel, holding him closely 'i love you, i love you, god.. i love you angie..' he moaned in chants, his hips bucking and his hands squeezing his hair, gently tugging at it as he opened his mouth, drooling a little as he did so.

Angel let his head fall back and succumbed to husks movements and words, his eyes slowly drifting backwards and eventually his moans became so loud that they clogged his throat sometimes, he was choking on his own pleasure.. his legs squeezing around husks waist and his hands unable to comprehend where to hold next. He wanted all of husk so he tried to speak through his moans despite the struggle 'i love ya.. t..oo..gh..whiskas" he whined out just as he felt himself release on his own chest..his hand moving up to cover his mouth and muffle his pretty moans.. and the sight of that to husk sent electricity down his guts, and almost like a wild animal, his last thrusts became power filled and he moved his arms from under angel, he found himself squeezing under angels thighs while also lifting them up a little, and let himself vunerabalise, his semen filling angel quickly. He forgot how good it felt to be intimate like that with someone and it was enough to make them both moan while hugging at eachother tightly.. the relaxation setting in while they gently rode their high out together "Christ" husk huffed through a chuckle, slowly pulling away from angel and sitting up, his eyes focusing on the quite red and lovely spider Infront of him.. he finally faced his fear and he did it, he let himself be that vulnerable with someone, "You ain't gonna leave are ya?' angel said almost nervously, despite his broken speaking and loud breathing, there was a sense of seriousness and scarseness to it 'what? No, no, baby, I'm just gonna get ya something to eat.. I ain't gonna just have sex with ya and not treat ya like a prince after' he reassured while standing up, sliding on a dark red robe he left behind the last time he went to angels, a smile forming from ear to ear that made angel feel easy 'ya really doin' that fa' me?' he spoke back as he pulled up the silk bedsheets, not taking his eyes of husk the entire time.

'of course ange, sweetheart, you deserve it' husk responded while leaning in and laying a kiss on angels forehead

[dreamlogic]

pov you're me asleep driving my car in the dream and following an obnoxious giant orange & white pickup with like 5 really long antenna all over it thinking what kinda fuckin radio tower-ass hick is driving this thang

and then the truck turned to pull up to a house that had an utterly unremarkable but meticulously maintained little grey/beige hybrid camry in the driveway with a single tasteful equality bumper sticker and i was like

oh.

i know exactly what's going on here.

and laughed myself awake

[butmakeitgayblog]

Can you Tell us the story about how you met your wife and got together? I know It was somehow Clexa related, pretty please ;)

Oh Sam's not actually my wife 😅 we're not married and probably will never get married. Between us both being the products of divorce (and unhappy marriages prior to that involving parents who stayed together way too long), plus with my whole health issues thing and maybe ending up needing to be on disability down the road, we just decided to shelve that whole notion for the foreseeable future, possibly forever. But in spirit she is, a piece of paper isn't needed. I mean she buys me rotisserie chickens 🥹

Anyway yeah!

So shortly before the pandemic hit I was going out to dinner with a group of friends and one of them asked if she could bring her cousin along. She said her cousin had recently moved down into the area for work and didn't really know anybody else and so, ya know, it'll give her a chance to socialize. We all met up and it was nice and I'm thinking hmm she's cute but also pretty quiet and kinda stoic and probably straight so it was like meh whatever she's alright I guess 🥴. But then during dinner I was eating something that everyone knew would make me feel icky and I said something along the lines of like, "Eh fuck it, victory stands on the back of sacrifice, right?" Fully thinking no one would pick up on it because I knew no one else there had ever watched the show.

But then miss thang's head shot up like 😳

Nobody else having caught this reference, we spend the next several seconds having a silent

moment across the table 🥴

She said I turned both white as a sheet and then fire engine fuckin red😅😅😅 (I have a very real blushing problem. It's the cross I bear that comes with the chubby cheeks, r.i.p.)

After that she started joining in the convo more and actually coming out of her shell. We started kind of having our own side convo just between us and when the check came everyone else decided to call it a night but we stayed behind and had another drink at the bar. We ended up staying till right about closing, and then exchanged numbers and decided to ~hang out~ the next day ~just us~.

For the conversation, obviously.

And that was kind of that. We saw each other pretty much every day after that and text constantly and called each other every night before bed if we weren't staying over together. At first Iiiiiii had a *moment* of panic of not really knowing what we were because it just went from not knowing she existed to having her be kind of the focal point of my life, but she was kind enough to just be like "🙄+😏+🤦‍♀️ we're dating, Andi. We've been dating. That's what we are. Don't hurt yourself there, champ."

So kudos to her for that...

It was tough during the beginning stages of the pandemic because she has family that is very high risk and so do I, both of which if they got it they'd probably die, so quarantine and social distancing was rough but necessary, but we worked through it and both feel more solid for it. And now we live together and she helps me take care of my mother and myself and I do my best to be her support and help her and be her best cheerleader whenever I can 🥹

Downside tho is I'll forever be labeled "Cousin Fucker" in my friend's phone contacts 😒

[ventiswampwater]

do you think Bo really fucking loves orange juice or was he just looking for quick sugars to counter the blood loss?? also why did he think to do that. does he think getting nailed with an arrow to the chest is the same as donating to the Red Cross?? does he know what the Red Cross is??? whose waffle is that?? how do u just leave a waffle in there?? I bet he cooked it once and it wasn't cooked enough. so he pushed it down again for another round and then it got burnt. and he looked at it and said "dadgummit not again" and left it there to be someone else's problem. and it was the last one and Vincent came upstairs and all the waffles were gone except that one. and he sighed and looked at it for a long time. and when he saw it again in the toaster while he's fixing his damn face and his dumbass sweaty brother is like "lulul god n mama n stuff" Vincent was like. I've never seen the ocean. I bet I could drive to the ocean in, what, four hours?? buy a box of waffles on the way home. this bitch is still talking. you know he talks to himself all the time. he does an Elvis impression in the mirror sometimes. it's not good. I'm gonna do it. I'm going to the ocean. motherfucker drank all the juice too. goddammit. I hate this fucking family. wish I was adopted like Lester. "there's two more." yeah I know. idiot. there were six. what have you been doing?? having sexy garage time?? christ you suck. how are we related. where's the guy with the crossbow I'd like to have a word. he needs to work on his aim. I'll put you in a headlock and let him practice. fuck you're sweaty you smell like ass. stay ten feet away from me please. yeah whatever I'll help you I guess. already been helping but it's fine, mr. never-leave-here-without-me. mr. mayor of wax town. I crush the seniors at bingo at the country club every Wednesday and you haven't even noticed I'm gone. too busy playing every single role in Our Town by yourself. moron.

JDSFHJFHSJHFSDJHFJHFJD MEG

BACKWASHING INTO THIS ORANGE JUICE!!!!

HEATHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when I watched this movie for the first time last year I entirely thought that man FULLY picked up a jug of lukewarm tang off the counter and just slurped it down. bc I missed the sound of him opening the fridge jsfhjhdsfjhdsf. and I was like GODDAMN THIS SET DESIGN IS OFF THE SHITS THIS IS REALLY HOW MEN BE LIVIN. HJFDSHJHFDSJ LUKEWARM TANG ON THE COUNTER

he's so stupid dumb delirious in that scene I've watched it 37874949328 times. just like. immediately deciding to YANK that shit through his arm hsdghgfsdhgfdhs. all of the blood that was channeled directly into his murder boner in the previous scenes has made him lightheaded and he is not THINKING CLEARLY hjdsjhfsjdhsd the fact that he doesn't think to snip it off. just PULLS that THANG straight through his stupid dumb idiot arm!!! the nerve damage!!! he is so sexy for that I love a dumbass man more than anything fr

VINCENT PONDERING THE LACK OF EGGO WAFFLES BC BO WAS TOO BUSY SEDUCING HIS TOOTHPASTE STAINS IN THE MIRROR TO NOT BURN THE LAST ONE JSDJDFHJFDS

sexy garage time is taking me out jhsdajhdsajhajsdhjdsh imagine all the years of vincent being responsible for the majority of the killcount bc bo goes oogabooga I want sum fuck on my silly goofy sex swing in my gas station jsdhjfdhsjfsdhj

vincent's turning wade into a wax sculpture and chopping dalton's head off and javelining a pole through paige's head and meanwhile. bo is blasting marilyn manson and having unsuccesful murderfuck preamble in his stupid basement jfdshjfhdsjhfdsj

BO JUST STINKING OF SWEAT AND VOMIT AND BLOOD and vincent tryin to maneuver himself away from him sdhjfdshjfdsh like bitch!!! I tried to check on ur fuckin injuries!! and u told me to GIT??? like I'm a dog???? and now ur sweaty diseased sickly self is leaning over me tryin 2 talk about how sexy u are and what god took away from me??? fuck outta here lmao

dsjhgfjdshjfdsh vincent playing bingo is so fuckin funny to me I'm cryin

[labratboygirl]

🖊️ren ‼️‼️‼️‼️

YEEEEAAAAAHHHH BABYYYYYYYY ITS RENNIN TIME‼️‼️‼️‼️ seeing all the mutuals rb that one post withthe gore art of him made me realize how many of my mutuals dont know him ……….so now i get 2 explain ren lore 2 all the new enjoyers of him ^_^_^_^ yaaaayyyyy

SO BASICALLY for the first like 16 years of his life he was just Some Guy .tmasc insect lover with a dogshit home life that hed always SOMEHOW manage to survive .very very suicidal and self deprecating ((HEY hey stop that :o( )) but he was able to keep it together for a while because of his Cool And Awesome bf devyn :o)) yaaayyy ((ihavent made a design for him yet .but i will eventually))

BUT HEEERRREEESS THE KICKER .i havent figured out how yet but devyn fuckingdies . and as expected ren finally loses his shit and uhhhhhh does the thing thats shown in that gore art

heres where shit gets Stupid ………a few hundred years in the future after some magic bs happens to the human race he comes back from the grave as that Blue Ghost Thang ((this guy)) and manages to become this fuckin .harbinger of doom because hes just THAT upset at the universe . most of his bullshit involves possessing people and making them do unspeakable things

and devyn actually becomes the opposite of that !!!!!! he becomes this Funky Purple Angel named divvi ((purpleboy in this pic)) who lives inside an amulet and becomes the guardian angel of whoever wears that amulet .swag as hell

and after a toooonnnn of bullshit involving ren possessing abunch of different people and becoming like .the ultimate lifeform at one point ((doesnt last long tho like at all)) one of the people he possessed ((named hiro , this guy)) ends up being like . very forgiving towards him and resurrects him . HOWEVER hiro isnt really that skilled in the field of resurrection so he doesnt come back to life unscathed . he kinda just becomes a goofy zombie boy ((this guy))

ren and devyn/divvi DO end up reuniting btw :o)))) the last person who had the amulet passes it down to ren so they can talk and be cute togehter again ^_^^_^_^ but its a mortal/immortal relationship so theyre still kinda like . doomed by the narrative .but hey

THERES ACTUALLY SOMETHING REEEEAAALLLYYY FUCKING FUNNY ABOUT THIS ENTIRE STORY THAT ONLY A SPECIFIC MUTUAL CIRCLE KNOWS ABOUT . but im not gonna say it . im gonna commit to the bit here

[girlbossblackbeard]

brain thoughts whilst watching s2 ep1

if u saw me post some of these as their own posts no u didnt

-y'all are so smart for predicting that the steard HAD to be a fantasy/dream sequence

-"I never made you leave him. You did that yourself" *stede kills him* hmmmmmm definitely not a metaphor for stede trying to kill/silence the part(s) of himself and his actions that he hates and is ashamed of and that story arc DEFINITELY isn't a parallel to Ed's comatose dream journey we see later in ep 3 when he confronts Hornigold's ghost only to realize that it's actually a manifestation of Ed's self-hatred. this is just a silly little pirate show with silly little fake sword battles that's all :)

-Okay. We know this is a fantasy. We know this is a silly little pirate show. We know it's a haha funny comedy with two of the best comedic actors the world has ever seen in the starring roles. And Yet. The ungodly heartbreaking "Ed" that Stede yells the second time just before running to him is so gut-wrenching, so full of desperation, so overwhelmingly breathtaking in the undeniable agony laced throughout that one syllable, I wish god had put me in Izzy's place instead bc it would've been a thousand times less painful to literally be stabbed directly through my abdomen than to hear Stede say Ed's name like that while tears well up in his eyes

-watching stede and ed run like that gave me the ick im so sorry yall i wanted to be brave about it but i just cant be

-okay but WHY am i blushing when Ed looks directly into the camera for his lines in the fantasy sequence.........how in the hell did stede not spontaneously combust the second those stupidly big brown beautiful doe eyes made eye contact with him

-EVERYONE SHUT UP STEDE'S FACE AFTER HE AND ED COLLIDE AND ARE ROLLING AROUND IN THE SAND IS A LOOK OF ABJECT DESPERATION AND AGONY WHAT THE FUCK HE MISSES HIM SO MUCH AND FEELS SO GUILTY HE CAN'T EVEN BE TRULY HAPPY IN HIS OWN DREAMS

-"I knew you'd find me, babe" "You're not mad?" "I knew you'd find me, love" "So, we're good? About everything?" "Fuckin' love the beard, mate" Even in Stede's dreams Ed does not confirm that everything is alright between them. I'm starting to think this dream sequence is actually a nightmare sequence because he gets confronted by his fears by not only Izzy throwing it in his face that Stede left Ed of his own volition but Ed steadfastly refusing to answer Stede's questions about their relationship being okay

-in stede's dream ed has his full beard because that's a marker of the last time/era stede remembers being truly happy with ed before he ruined everything at the naval academy and broke ed's heart so severely it turned him into the very monster the rest of the world always wrongly made him out to be

-"can't be worse than you moaning 'ed, oh ed' all night long" black pete my beloved

-GOD stede's hair and scruff look so GOOD on him what the HELL

-WEE JOHN'S HAIR AND EYELINER AND PIERCINGS AND EVERYTHING LOOK SO GOD DAMN GOOD HE LOOKS SO GOD DAMN GOOD

-stede's silly little thumbs up to the swede as jackie makes him throw that ass in a circle reblog if u agree

-stede talking to the patrons at spanish jackie's is just a typical customer interaction working in the service industry

-ayo i think spanish jackie's is serving food now?? guess that overhead issue she mentioned to geraldo in s1 is no longer an issue bc that place is popping

-if ricky was able to clock stede immediately and doesn't think he's dead even after his very public and very loony-tunes-esque death then how many people in barbados actually believe he's dead??? does the whole town just kinda know he faked it and have accepted that he abandoned his family, became a pirate, came back home, drunkenly bisexualized his ex(??) wife's new boo thang, then faked his death so he could abandon his family again???

-"Demon? I'm the fuckin' Devil" I can't accurately put into words how hearing this line so softly spoken paired with seeing Ed's beautiful kohl-covered eyes as the guitar and xylophone from the song kicks in has affected me but I can say with 100% certainty it is the root cause of my new mental illness, whatever that may be

-fuck OFFFFFFFFFFFF EVERYONE LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD ON THE KRAKEN CREW IT'S ACTUALLY INSANE

-LOVE LOVE LOVE the freeze frame with the day of the week overlay it is SUCH a visually excellent component of those scenes

-i know we're all supposed to be very sad and upset at ed shooting a guy (that was BASICALLY ALREADY DEAD) but for the love of GOD that man has never served so much princess babygirl gender in one cocking and shooting of a gun as he did in that scene

-JUST REALIZED ED IS WEARING A LONG TRENCH COAT JACKET THING IN THE SHOOTING SCENE AND THAT'S WHY THAT SHOT IS AFFECTING ME SO MUCH IT LOOKS LIKE A DRESS

-the immediate stoppage of the music with the smash cut to the crew trying to process the trauma that they've been through is so fucking funny, the editors have absolutely mastered the science of comedic timing

-"i dunno, i've never really been to a wedding before so i've got nothing to compare it to really" archie my beloved

-"i've never seen blackbeard like this. he didn't even bat an eye when ivan got killed" i don't have the energy to really put all my thoughts about this into coherent sentences, so all i'll say is that i'm really disappointed this is how they chose to deal with ivan not being in the show anymore. idk what went down with guz khan and whomever made the decision not to invite him back for s2, but at the very least i feel like they could've either written him off in some other way or simply not mentioned him at all. killing him off in one sentence that gets immediately interrupted with a comedic line just doesn't sit right with me

-"i lock the box and then i don't open it again" frenchie just like me fr

-i know stede did NOT just say "he's just blowing off some steam" in response to olu pointing out that ed has been committing so many crimes they literally had to start listing them on the back of the wanted posters. it's giving "girlfriend whose boyfriend acts like a massive asshole to her in front of her friends but she tells them he's actually soooo sweet when it's just the two of them together"

-"well, we can't turn up with any old ship. we need to look good" stede you literally haven't touched clean water in who knows how long, i think pulling up to the revenge in a dope af whip might need to be a little lower on your priority list babe

-the way ed gently strokes that cake topper before stuffing it in his jacket right above his heart like he used to do with the red silk bc stede's entire being eclipsed the silk when he became ed's whole heart. cinema

-i said it before and i'll say it again: izzy looks like a sad clown with his rudy giulliani lookin ass hair dye dripping down his face and the black panda rings around his eyes as a sad excuse for war paint

-when watching the first ep for the first time, i found myself becoming extremely uncomfortable and even anxious at times watching ed doing drugs and having a very public spiral that he takes out on the crew. massive props to taika and the writers for being able to make me genuinely a little terrified of Blackbeard in those scenes

-conathan o'neill. words cannot describe how enrapturing every single second of screentime you get is. every pixel of your performance is pure perfection. every tear that glimmers in your eye but refuses to fall is gloriously gut-wrenching. every laugh out of izzy's mouth is uniquely, ineffably uncomfortable in ways that should be futilely studied by science. also u look really hot when you're leaning on the rigging in the storm

-the swede shaking his head "no" at stede trying to warn him not to talk back to jackie when she steals their savings. he was trying to help his friends :(

-"i know that guy, we had breakfast together :D" "you'll be having a lot of breakfasts together" "oh okay :))" the swede my beloved

-buttons opening his mouth when it starts raining. buttons my beloved

-"im afraid your...your life is better without me" is SUCH an amazing line read from rhys, the way stede's voice hitches and you can hear the tears in his throat as he tries to voice his deepest fears is so incredibly moving which is why i got both the ick and medically diagnosed whiplash when he busts out that extraordinarily cringe ed voice to RESPOND TO HIMSELF. idk what's wrong with that man but it's not in ye olde DSM-5

-the fact that, once again, in stede's own imagination ed is not refuting stede's fears but is rather confirming them in the case of him talking to ed's wanted poster about how he's worried ed's life is better without stede in it and stede responding "could be...could be mate" in "ed's" voice is actually really desperately tragic and heartbreaking when you think about it ! :)

-"i know everything about you" i truly hate to say it but SOME of us, and im not saying who (me), are unfortunately extremely ricky-coded. it's giving "hi kevin" in spongebob

-"i, too, am a child of wealth" STOOOOPPPPPPPP I WAS ABSOLUTELY HOWLING AT THIS LINE IDK WHAT THE WRITERS ARE GETTING PAID BUT IT NEEDS TO BE ON PAR WITH WHATEVER RICHES RICKY WAS CLEARLY STRUGGLING WITH AS A CHILD VICTIM OF TOO MUCH MONEY

-someone smarter than me should do an analysis on how quickly stede's attitude towards ricky flipped once ricky told stede he was his hero and the gentleman pirate saved his life and how stede maybe saw a lot of his past self in ricky and is intimately aware of how the mundanity of living a life that's been prescribed to you from birth with expectations you could never live up to can drive you to the edge unless you choose to do something drastic to change your situation and how stede already feels like such a failure because of both the situation with his family/old life AND with ed/his new life that he took the opportunity to be the kind of gentle guide he could've used when he was starting out in the same situation ricky is before stede met ed and started to learn the ropes more. so if ur reading this please get on that thx <3

"my time with jackie has been the happiest of my life. her love has helped me locate parts of myself i didn't even know existed" (his prostate) "and reclaim others that i had long missed" (his teeth and nails)

-"but...i owe you a life debt and i am bound to honor it" something something mary telling stede "we made a contract in front of god and i am bound to honor that" something something stede being told by multiple people he cares about that the only reason they're dealing with him is because of societal convention

-i was gonna start this post off with "sorry" but i actually will not be apologizing for the unabated foaming-at-the-mouth level of hedonistic intoxication i experience every time i look at ed in his warpaint. if you have any issues with this that's between u and god buddy

-"i have...love for you, edward" actually made me gasp so hard i choked

-"i heard that you think the vibe here on the ship is poisonous" ed said VIBE CHECK and then took izzy's leg

-fang whimpering is actually illegal

-ed asking blackbeard about the vibes on the ship was such an incredibly well done performance from taika because i was genuinely so uncomfortable watching that go down i almost had to look away

-frenchie shaking his head "no" at izzy after izzy yells at ed to stop with his insane blackbeard monologue about the vibes on the ship is such a tiny moment but speaks VOLUMES about how trauma-bonded that crew has become under the kraken's rule. frenchie doesn't want to see izzy get even more hurt than he already does on a daily basis but i think he also knows it's already too late

-god the way ed just casually turns away and shoots izzy the second he hears the first "st" syllable of stede's name is so chilling

>>>side note: does ed look away because he can't watch himself actually hurt izzy THAT badly? he later turns his back to izzy in the hopes izzy will shoot him and when he doesn't, ed leaves before izzy shoots himself

-izzy's resigned inhale and small smile before starting to say "your feelings for stede bonnet" is so unbelievably heartbreaking because he knows. he knows he's about to get majorly fucked up for what he's about to say but he's tired of everyone walking on delicate shards of glass around ed

-the fucking joke of "how are you so good at this" because he's literally doing the swedish massage. credit goes to my friend shane for realizing this right away when it would've taken me 20 rewatches to come close to getting it

-"I can't believe how well this is going" black pete my beloved

-"this is where you went wrong with the whole gentleman pirate thing. details like this are important to build a brand" she's an influencer

-"i cant believe you guys robbed jackie. wow. so bad" the swede my beloved

-wee john covering his nose as jackie says she's about to get more noses for her nose jar

-"aint you that soup bitch" "im the money bitch" well im gay and i want them both to step on me

-"it's okay sexy dutchman"

-ed crying on the bow of the ship is sooooooooooo insane to me like i keep getting reminded of the fact that he's literally been crying every single night for MONTHS over stede

-"never going back to land. we're gonna sail, rob, and raise hell forever and ever without end" "sounds like a plan" frenchie's face as he realizes he's probably gonna spend the rest of his life on that ship may have actually caused heart damage

-HI THE TRANSITION FROM ED SAYING "FUCK YOU STEDE BONNET" AND LOOKING AT THE MOON TO STEDE LOOKING AT THE SAME MOON AND SAYING "GOODNIGHT ED TEACH" SHOULD EITHER BE GIVEN AN OSCAR OR CODIFIED AS A VIOLATION OF THE GENEVA CONVENTION I JUST DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE YET

[gayfrogcoven]

adventure time lgtv hcs no one asked for

finn: trans guy !! bi + ace + demiromantic also :3 in a qpr w/ hw

jake: pan + polyam ! dating lady and not exactly dating prismo bc like they never see each other and jake is kinda oblivious and also now he’s dead but they have SOMETHING going on

bmo: genderfluid (canon) + aroace :3

pb: demi lesbian !! obviously shes gay as hell but ALSO i think the whole “the princess doesnt date” thing in the braco ep and the way shes never interested in any of the many ppl who r interested in her except marcy feels aspec to me !!

marceline: bi (canon) yea thats abt it

simon: i struggle w/ him sm actually. do i think thats a cishet guy? no. do i know what direction? no 😭 transmasc is pretty popular but also i think the idea of him being nonbinary or smth adjacent and not realizing for a long time bc hes too fucking busy surviving post apocalypse or being insane or being depressed for that is funny . he gets funky gender in some way + probably also lesbianism probably as a treat

betty: i also struggle w/ her a bit i think shes like. girl adjacent i think she would use she/it maybe especially if she were to ever be herself again after golb that thangs just part of her gender now. the girl to fucked up monster god girl pipeline. and shes definitely some kind of sapphic

flame princess: transmasc in some way and shes always saying things like “yeag flame king just sounds so much Cooler id much rather be a king than a princess haha” and finn looks at her Knowingly but does not say anything. perhaps genderfluid maybe

huntress wizard: nonbiney babeyy :3 this applies to f&c hunter also. in a qpr w/ finn !!!

prismo: gay gay homosexual gay. me when i yearn for some guy who lives on a different dimensional plane than me and has a gf and then he fuckin Dies

fionna: same as finn but transfem !!!!! in a qpr w/ hunter

pep butt: that freak is GAY

susan + frieda: lebsians…

[vinkumakkara]

just wanted to say your posts about shaundi and johnny and boss are making me feel completely insane (in a good way) i'm about to throw myself off a bridge. i'm always thinking about how the saints were built from the ground up around johnny and boss and small-brain-wondering how the other saints felt about it, esp shaundi and pierce so thank you for essentially filling those holes for me :")

i also have to wonder what in the world made those 2 agree to be lieutenants in the first place - or what made the boss target themas lieuts?? correct me if i'm wrong but i mean it can't just be that boss did some sick car stunts and shaundi was like okay hell yeah lets do this thang... can it

thank you i enjoy thinking about this stuff very much, i feel like i didn't really start to get the nuances of these games' storytelling until recently so i am very Excited to write abt it

the 2011 Saints being built around Johnny and Boss really gets to the very core of it too, i was thinking about it when i made the Shaundi = Carlos parallel because there's a kind of hero worship situation going both extremes for each of them respectively. Carlos' veneration of the gang is based on impressions left by the original Saints when Boss was the "voice of Julius" - a mere weapon wielded by both Julius and player alike - rather than possessing a voice of their own. even though i don't think he ever truly becomes disillusioned with the Saints as a whole (he might be inexperienced but he absolutely does Get It) he has to suffer Boss at their absolute worst since the moment they first open their mouth, it's a very sobering "don't meet your heroes" kinda deal where he unfortunately didn't get to live long enough to actually really learn from it. but with Shaundi it's the opposite - she feels unsure and pretty fish outta water in the beginning, clearly not used to the kinda world Boss and Johnny (and Carlos) are steeped in, but she learns to appreciate the Saints as they are and not based on spook stories or legends or even self-serving half-truths told by a man who never was who he claimed to be. she pretty quickly starts to get it, she gets what being one of Boss' Saints is truly about, and she Gets It because unlike Carlos she actually got to experience Boss at their arguable best instead of their worst first-hand. it's too bad that even when these two characters feel like they were supposed to contrast and compliment each other they didn't really get to interact beyond that one fist bump during Three Kings' outro cutscene, the strict three arc split is both a blessing and a curse

anyways, Pierce and Shaundi actually basically got in the gang for the same reason Boss is able to put their faith in them despite all their reservations - Johnny's the one who picked them after he got to know them in prison. the game doesn't really delve into what kind of relationship Johnny and Pierce have but Shaundi talks about how she ran a pruno ring with Johnny in a bit of unused dialogue for Three Kings (Pierce has a similar expository line but he just talks himself up because of course lmao). it's why i think Shaundi always specifically really looked up to Johnny even though there's merely a whisper of dialogue maybepossibly hinting at it in sr2 (it is very overt in the later games so i think it was always intended despite all their continuity/characterization issues), and i think it's why Pierce gets away with clapping back at Johnny - like look at this dude

he was ready to go against the most dangerous man in Stilwater without hesitation - generic Saints say "no one's allowed to kill a Saint but Johnny" - and he's supposed to be the Smart One! they have to be more than just mere acquaintances working together out of necessity, because otherwise Pierce would be fuckin dead before the game really even begins (there's some stuff in the game that goes against this read, like Johnny's idle line talking about how Pierce reminds him of Dex which is just not true at all, but i feel like V just really didn't know what to do with this guy so they threw all kinda shit at the wall)

overall our view into this world and its people during sr2 is limited because Boss' pov is really limited in scope due to essentially being dead for five years (without even getting into the whole "Playa" thing). despite their "waking up" they're still that exact same gullible dumbass kid from 2006 - the now-not-so-mute motherfucker who's used to doing everything on their own - just saddled with a brand new steaming pile of trust issues AND with a whole new set of responsibilities they are extremely ill-equipped to handle. Julius broke Boss' already pretty piss fumed brain to an extent where even they themselves are capable of seeing the damage and especially in the beginning of the game a lot of their interactions with Shaundi and Pierce feel strained and surface level exactly because of this reason. as messed up as it is, Johnny - at that point being the only person Boss truly trusts and admires - essentially functions as their conduit for any semblance of normalcy (and he himself has been in prison for years too, just very functional all around). Boss might be the appointed leader but when you get down to it Johnny's the real glue that holds not only the entire gang together, but Boss as well. when Johnny is in the hospital and Pierce asks what will happen if he doesn't survive, "then we've got bigger problems" is honestly downplaying it - they all need Johnny, whether they realize it or not.

(Pierce dismissively shaking his head in response is so harsh too. he either really, really doesn't get it, or worse yet he gets it and simply sees no value in any of it. i like to think it's at least partly just him being completely fuckin clueless socially and kinda having tunnel vision when it comes to his ambitions, but when you look at his characterization in srtt... yikes if that's how he was always intended to go)

[curvykittyyssmutfics]

Um...what about divorce! andy barber x his new fiance going to beach with hardcore smut! =^-^=

Beach Day

"Fuuuck, I needed this, y/n, you were right! The weather's perfect today and the water feels so damn good. I can't believe we're the only ones here!" I tell her loudly as I take off my neon green goggles, exit the water, and head to our shared spot in the sand.

I run a hand threw my drenched brunnette tips, gazing at your curvy figure becoming more distinct as I get closer to her. The light breeze wraps around me, making me shiver as water drips off my body in heavy rivulets. Turning to the spectacularly clear ocean water, its impossible not to admire the crashing waves. Sand grains clump between my toes as I walk backwards towards the love of my life, stopping a foot in front of the extra XL towel with her and all of our belongings on it.

"You gotta come out into the water with me, babygirl. I know for a fact you'd enjoy it. Feels so good and the views amazing. There's all kinds of sea life in there to see, honey. Blew my mind!" I say, turning to get a view of my gorgeous girl laid out on her striped beach chair.

She looks up at me from her book through her Chanel sunglasses as I study how fuckin pretty y/n is, even with her cute little round nose scrunched up in distaste. Gripping her sunset colored towel in the front to keep it shut tight, she leans over to set her book down and pick up a water bottle.

"I don't think so, Andy. This how I enjoy the beach. Especially right after a hair appointment. Do your thang tho." She tells me while flickin her long y/h/c hair off her shoulders, voice full of attitude.

"Oh is that how it is?" I ask her feisty ass with a raised brow.

"Yeah, damn right that's how it is. Think cause ya ass fine you gone get me to do any and everything." She grumbles at me, taking a swig of water.

Walking up to her, I gently grab the water from her slender fingers and take a quick drink before setting it down next to the chair. I lean down over her to speak near her ear.

"It's not really that hard to get you to do what I want, is it pretty girl?" I ask her softly, skimming my nose down her neck.

She smells so fuckin good, just like the gardenia perfume I told her was my favorite on her. That, mixed with her shea butter lotion, got me damn near drooling so I take a stronger whiff into her smooth chocolate skin.

"You callin me easy, boy?" Her tone missing all the bite it just held.

Her question makes me chuckle but I don't answer with words. Choosing instead to respond by kissing her neck softly, groaning at the way her body immediately responds to me.

Y/n becomes pliant, her head tilting to offer me space to do more. Her small, quiet gasps let me know all that earlier attitude is for show; I know I have my future little wife wrapped around my finger. Thoughts of my submissive woman have me grippin the arms of her chair tight and my dick chubbin up in the bright yellow swim trunks she picked out for me. Fuck, it never takes much for this woman to make me hard as a rock.

She doesn't notice though, her head back and eyes shut tight. Her perfect white teeth start to lightly gnaw on her plump bottom lip as I graduate to adding soft licks in-between my kisses to her delicate skin. That seems to register though, and her hushed noises switch to lusty whimpers and pants.

Those sounds are always music to my ears; love hearing and watching her bask in the way my touch makes her feel. She's so damn vocal, so sensitive to my ministrations.

I pull away reluctantly, standing to my full height to observe my woman. I'm delighted to see my girl staring back up at me with a heaving chest, open mouth and clenching thighs. I pull her sunglasses off and set them by our water bottle.

"Stand up. Towel off." I order abruptly, holding my hand out to her.

"But.. But Andy, I-"

I don't give her a chance to finish as I quickly reach for the hair at her nape with damp fingers and snatching her head back firmly. The silence that follows y/n's surprised gasp satisfies me as I repeat my words and wait for her response. Her quick nodd prompts me to release her and step back, raising my hand again.

She stands at a snail pace, but her cute skittle manicured hands are already untucking the towel and dropping it into my palm. Anxious y/e/c eyes stare at the sand as I asses her fit. The bathing suit wrappin around those luscious curves, MY curves, seductively is NOT the same one momma had laid out on the bed this morning. The sight of my masterpiece in this scrap of cloth has me forgettin where the fuck we are as I grab my cock through my shorts and squeeze.

"You changed your mind.." Is all I can say while leering at every inch of her.

"I ordered it a few years ago, but I could never find the courage to wear it." Y/n confesses, her eyes stuck on her toes digging into the sand.

"What changed?" I ask her curiously, lifting her chin with my index finger.

"You." She answers simply, beautiful eyes finally meeting mine.

Without thinking I press a passionate kiss to my women's deep red painted lips. She moans against my mouth when I hump our hips together repeatedly, pokin the tip of my hard dick against her clit as wrap my arms around her waist and hold her close.

"Your so fuckin amazing in every way, I'm gonna give you my all for the rest of our lives. I love you y/n." I vow when I break the kiss.

I peck her lips once more before spinnin her in a half circle, y/n now standing where I was and me in her place. I turn her to face the water then sit, bringing her to plop in my lap.

Fuck, those fat ass pussy lips feel like heaven against my dick, even through the material. I groan at the sensation of her surroundin me, taking her towel and spread it over us to hide our lower halves. She's havin none of that though, already so fuckin wet that I can feel her soakin through my damp shorts as she leans forward and pops her ass up and down on my clothed cock. The towel drops to the sand as I grip at her waist to steady myself.

"So you really like my bathing suit, Daddy?"

Her alluring tone has me groanin again out loud as I watch her body twist sensually with her head held back. The arch in y/n's spine and the wind blowing layers of her silky hair down her back is nothing short of an epic vision of flawlessness.

"So fuckin much honey. Hands down one of my favorites."

I watch as she reaches for the cloth hiding my prize between her perfect brown thighs and move it to the side. I move at the speed of light to unsheathe my thick dick and offer it to her. Her enticing high pitched moans boom around us as I lewdly stare at the sticky wetness of her pussy glistening in the sun. Cant help but to squeeze at her waist a bit more as my vixen teasingly sliding her pussy up and down my shaft in quick strides.

"Ohhh sh-shit honey, wait-"

But then I'm moaning loud at how my girls swiveling her hips in perfect circles over me, saturating my throbbing dick and balls in her juices. The feeling boiling in my ball sack got me wantin to tell momma to slow down but I wouldn't dream of stoppin this sexy women grindin all over my cock. Her pleading whines for me to fuck her rise in volume still and I gotta tense, abs rippling as I put in real fuckin effort not to bust my nut.

"Daddy put it in! Why won't you fuck meeee?"

Y/n's sobs alone are enough to make me wanna nut on the spot and I'm thinkin I might need to take a page outta babygirls page, beg her to give me a moment of reprieve.

"OK, j-just gimme a sec. Stop movin, momma. Don't wanna cum."

I try to warn her but she's so fuckin desperate for me and I understand why as I notice her rubbing frantic circles on her messy little button. Its unfortunate for me when one of her outta sync thrusts has my tip catchin at her pussy lips and I know I'm screwed. Baby girl's loud ass gasp is way too fuckin gleeful as she forcefully sits on my dick.

"Yeeeees! Gimme my dick, Daddy- lemme have it, pleeeease! Haaaaah fuck! Yesyesyesyes!"

There's not a single thing I can do as my eyes roll back and I immediately start to spurt cum into my future wife. I can't even muster any energy to feel pathetic as I nut gush after gush into her heavenly cavern. It's exhilarating, steals the breath from lungs as my dick pulsates from how her perfect little pussy strangles it.

Serving my woman jerky stabs, I aid her in bouncin ontop of me while she sobs my name. My balls smack against her wetly as she leans back against me, arm reaching out to hold the back of my neck. I abandon my hold at y/n's waist to wrap both arms around her tummy, my right moving farther down to join hers to rub her clit.

The feeling of her seizuring in my lap while squirting against my twitchin cock forces me to spray a couple more jets of cum into that tight little puss. I refuse to stop rubbing between her legs, making my poor girl come hard as fuck with jubilant shouts of my name. Reveling at the clutch on my dick, I praise y/n for being such a good girl.

"That's it honey, I want it all. My special girl deserves this and more. And I'm gonna get it for her. But you gotta come for Daddy first, sweetheart. Cum all over me, y/n. Good girl, such a good fuckin girl."

Shes thanking me enthusiastically, profusely. I can finally cease when the last dose of her love gushes out. A mixture of our cum oozes out around my cock, the breezing cooling the sticky liquid plastering my thighs and balls. I slide a finger throught the mess, writing my initials with the sticky wetness on her trembling thigh. It takes me a second to speak through my heaving breaths to the limp woman laying on my chest.

"Well, I know you only got your hair done yesterday but.. You sure you don't wanna get in the water, sweeetheart?"

My girl can't help but to laugh out loud at my one track mind, jabbing me in the side with a tired elbow.

[xtrafluffyteddy]

HEYYY, ITS YOUR CHICKEN NOODLE AGAIN! I had to request something since I have a bunch of ideas in my head (which I know you’re getting tired of.)

But I was thinking what about A Steve x Eddie x fem! Reader and they let her go to California with the others to see them again and then at the end of the show they come back in the suffer boy pizza truck and Eddie and Steve notice the reader hair is shaved since brenner had to get the readers powers back which almost saved the world.

Then again, the reader is really happy to see them both and they’re happy to see her <3

And they notice the reader has a bunch of bruises on herself but she’s like: “it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

IM IN NEED OF FLUFF <333

Ain’t no thang chicken wang

Pairing: steddie x reader

Mentions: tooth rotting fluff

“It’s only gonna be a week stop being such a big baby you two” you pinch eddie and Steve’s cheeks gently shaking them a little as they pout “but what if-“ Steve begins “nu uh no no negativity while I’m gone” you give them a goofy smile and kiss them gently “i love you both very much and I’ll be back before you know it be good darlins” you wave to them as you disappear past the terminal and towards your gate.

So much had gone down in the one week you were away, Vecna attacked Hawkins and opened a shit ton of gates, Steve and Eddie got attacked by demobats and barely made it out alive. While in California you had to reactivate your powers to save the world, Joyce’s house got destroyed and you were forced to try pineapple on pizza (though it wasn’t that bad)

The drive back to Hawkins was long and tedious after you and El both had fought hard against Vecna by piggybacking onto Max, you were wary and bald again though you didn’t really care much about the second problem, “argyle buddy I love ya but please for the love of god change the fuckin song” you plead chasing will, el, and Mike to laugh for the first time in a while.

When you got closer to Hawkins you saw cars leaving in droves figuring they must be sick and tired of the sleepy town of Hawkins and it’s weird and unusual and sometimes otherworldly events “home sweet home kids” you say as you pass the ‘welcome to Hawkins’ sign that now says ‘welcome to hell’

Eddie and Steve stand in Nancy’s driveway after packing up her car with donations only turning away when they hear the rumble of an engine and bright pizza van comes into view “who ordered a pizza?” Dustin questions raising a brow as the can stops with a screech the doors flying open

“MIKE!” Nancy yells as she rushes to her little brother “WILL!” Dustin and Lucas shout rushing to their friend “EL!” Max screams rushing towards the now bald girl. Steve and Eddie couldn’t help but feel disappointed when they thought you hadnt returned from California already turning to go back to packing the car “damn no hello? I saved your ass and this is what I get?” You laugh and smile as they turn to you quickly before you rush to them throwing yourself into their arms which they graciously cradle you in “Jesus don’t scare us like that again” Eddie breathes pressing a loud kiss to your lips followed by Steve “nice hair babe” he lets your buzzed head laughing “new style it’s all the rage in California didn’t you know” you laugh and smile as you bury yourself in their arms grateful to be home with the loves of your life.

“Sweetheart what’s that?” Eddie peaks down your shirt where you have deep purple bruises from the multiple tests and the chest paddles from back in the lab “ah those ain’t no thang darlin” you wave your hand “nothin I can’t handle” you squeeze them close again.

[after-halours]

I am going to you because I have nowhere else to go. I am urgently shaking your shoulders.

Do you think Harry is just absolutely hung? Or is he absolutely not? Every time I go to yerk it to de content my plagues me with this riddle.

Because like. Obviously he has that big dick swinging energy with like physical instrument and endurance but also. Disco Elysium law seems to mandate that if it makes his life worse then it is. And in his mind idk which would be worse. A big dick that doesn’t work, or a small one.

(This is moot anyway. I’ve got it bad either way it goes) Which do you think?

P.s.- personal favorite headcanon is that he’s not cis at all but it takes a comically large logic and perception check to realize (this is why his dick “doesn’t work”)

sitting down at the head of a long conference table, shuffles some papers, puts on a pair of glasses. okay

heres the thing. i think all interpretations of harry's cock size are correct, and i mean that as in there is no interpretation that is bad or wrong. people can think his dick is as big or as functional as they want to as long as it gets them off. but i do also mean it in the way of like. yes. they are all right to me. hes got a big dick. hes got a small dick. hes got an average dick. hes got no dick.

we could go with the "canon" interpretation (meaning: the thing one creator tweeted at one point, i think it was Martin Luiga?) about how harry is, iirc, large but not that large. modestly sizeable, i think. thats the opinion of one of the people on the official team but i would have to look for the exact quote. what we do get in game is that harry does canonically get too sad to get turned on and may have problems with his circulation, so ED is not out of the question. other than that i think any claims from PI or Authority or Endurance that harry is a big dick cop are. cough. biased. to say the least.

honestly i think it is equally funny/valid/hot to imagine hes got a swangin thang or a chode. either way. i think hes got fat balls. hes gotta have fat balls. fuckin pair of meaty clackers down there no matter how big his schmeat is.

(i did have the idea for a bit of writing a fic where harry is self conscious about his micropenis and he shows kim but it turns out hes just trans lmfao)