#look i know cas has all of purgatory and the leviathans in him

[angelheartcas]

DEAN TELLING DEATH TO KILL CAS OMG WHAT .

[waywardxwords]

I've Got You

Summary: After a year of being in Purgatory, Dean has returned and is trying to make sense of what happened while he was away.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female Reader (more of a friendship; they deeply care about each other but nothing wildly romantic happens in this story)

Word Count: ~1.6k

Warnings: Light cursing, angst, Dean/Sam contention (this takes place after Dean gets back from Purgatory and Sam is on/off with Amelia), light fluff, light blood/silver testing (non-descriptive)

A/N: Happy October, friends! This is my first entry for the #flufftober2023 @flufftober prompt challenge. The prompt is: "I've got you." I hope you enjoy!

“Dean,” you breathed as you walked through the door of the cabin. Even after you heard his voice on the phone, you couldn’t be sure it was really him–not until you saw him. 

“Test me,” his words were firm and clear–much firmer than you remembered. You processed that the man had been in Purgatory for the last year, and his experience had most likely hardened his already tough demeanor. 

“Dean, I–” you tried to stop him.

“Test me, dammit,” he grumbled as he grabbed what looked like a jug of holy water and took a swig of it. Next was the silver; he didn’t hesitate to run it along his forearm before he wrapped the cut it left behind with a bandana. He wiped the blade on his denim jeans. 

“Dean,” you said, for the third time now. Your eyes burned with tears. You knew it was him from the get go, but now it was confirmed. He handed you the holy water and the blade. You moved slower than he did, but you took a sip of the water and winced at the bitterness; it was laced with salt. Then, you took the blade and matched his movements with a small slice on the underside of your forearm. 

Without allowing another moment to pass, he pulled you in tightly to his chest for a hug–so tight, you thought you might not be able to breathe as your body was crushed against his. 

“God, it’s good to see you,” he breathed in your hair before he finally released you. “Where’s Sammy?” His eyes moved over your face inquisitively.

“I, uh, I don’t know, Dean,” you were careful with your words. You were a little bit angry with Sam, but you didn’t want to have to explain why to Dean.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” The sharpness made you blink, but you knew he wasn’t trying to hurt you with his tone. The man had been in Purgatory for a year, for Christ’s sake. 

There was no way around it, though. You were going to have to try to explain and hope he could understand.

“I’ve gotta get out of here,” Sam mumbled. It had been three days since you all had killed the Leviathans, but somehow Dean and Castiel had been killed in the process. You had spent three days researching and looking for how to find them, but you had come up empty. Sam had tossed around the idea of Purgatory , for Cas, at least, because he was an angel; but neither of you knew how that worked–the death of an angel? Where would they go? Could an angel go to Hell? 

“Sam, we’re going to find them,” your eyes were heavy, you hadn’t slept. The pain of running in circles reading and re-reading and searching was making you feel crazy.

“Are we? Even if we do find them, how are we going to get them out?” Sam was angry, and you understood that. But anger wasn’t helping the situation, and you wished he could realize that.

“I don’t know yet,” you sighed as you placed your elbows on the wooden table in front of you and dropped your head into your hands. “We will find a way. We always do.”

“I have no one now. My family is dead, I just…I gotta get out of here,” he repeated. His words stung, but you knew you weren’t family. You weren’t even a hunter, initially. You had stumbled into this world when the Winchesters had saved you on a hunt a while back. Now that you knew what went bump in the night, there was no turning back. “I’m sorry, but I have to go…” Sam seemed reckless, but you also knew that you couldn’t stop him. Not really, anyway.

You stayed silent, but as the door closed behind him, tears pooled in your tired eyes.

After you had explained carefully what had transpired, you tried to ease the blow. “You always wanted Sam to get out of the hunting life, Dean.” Your words were soft.

Dean sat on the sofa leaned forward, his elbows on his thighs as he stared at the wall opposite him. His jaw tightened, but he didn’t say a word.

“I gotta get some air,” he cleared his throat and stood quickly. He reached for his jacket. “I’ll be back later.” Before you could say a word, he was already out the door and pulling it behind him with a slam. You couldn’t help but feel defeated, yet again.

This was the third dive bar you had checked in an hour. You had lost hope and wondered if you really knew the oldest Winchester at all as you looked for him. But there he sat on a barstool at the end of the dimly lit bar. 

You heaved a sigh before you walked towards him. “I’m gettin’ real tired of looking for your ass,” you grumbled playfully as you carefully moved onto the stool next to him. 

His eyes didn’t move from the back of the bar as he took a pull from his beer. 

“Yeah, well, at least somebody’s lookin’,” he muttered just loud enough for you to hear.

You weren’t sure what to say to that immediately, so instead you leaned against the bar and flagged down the bartender. “Could I get a Stella, please?” The bartender nodded and went to retrieve your bottled beer.

A few moments of silence passed. “I just thought he’d look for me,” Dean's voice cut through the quiet noise in the bar as he stared at the label on his bottle. His fingernails picked at the edges in a way to distract himself. 

“I know,” you tried to form the words in your head before they tumbled out of your mouth incorrectly. “Sam loves you, Dean. He’s just…he’s tired. Does that make it right? Not necessarily. You’re his brother, but this life…it’s not the life he wanted.”

“And you think I wanted it?!” His voice raised as he looked at you incredulously. 

“I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that you and Sam are different people,” you tried to explain carefully, reminding yourself again that it’s not you, it’s Purgatory. 

He seemed to relax as he remembered this was you that he was talking to. “I’m sorry,” he groaned inwardly as he turned back in his stool to face the bar. “I would do absolutely anything for Sammy. I was lost when he was gone. I just thought he might do the same.” After a quick pull from his beer, he changed the subject. “So, what’d you do this past year?” Dean asked acrimoniously, as he glanced at you briefly and toyed with the paper label on his beer bottle.

You waited for a moment, just as the bartender placed your own beer in front of you. You moved it around in your hands for a few seconds. Like Dean, your fingers found the sticker on the bottle and began to pick at it so you wouldn’t have to look at him. “I looked for you,” you answered slowly before you pulled the beer to your mouth and took a sip. You felt his gaze now, his head turned to watch you as if he was surprised to hear what you said. “I hunted a little, here and there. Mostly just when I stumbled upon a job, though.”

“...you looked for me?”

You were surprised that he was surprised. It was your turn to turn your head back to him to meet his gaze. “Of course I did,” you said hesitantly. “I tried everything, Dean. I interrogated demons, I tried to make a deal, I tried to summon Crowley–”

He cut you off very quickly. “Woah, woah, woah,” his eyes were narrowed in on you now and you watched his entire body tense. “You tried to make a deal? And summoning Crowley?” He was pissed. You didn’t care.

“None of it worked, Dean. The crossroad demons said they didn’t know where you were, but I didn’t believe them…though I’m wondering if they really didn’t, since you were in Purgatory,” you were mostly just reading your own internal dialogue at this point. “I’m not sure how that works, exactly.” You nibbled gently on your bottom lip as you processed your thoughts.

“Are you insane?” He was still pissed. His voice rose a bit in volume and you glanced around to see the handful of other bar patrons glance in your direction. 

“Oh, calm down,” you said in a hushed tone while you rolled your eyes. “Like you wouldn’t do the same thing.” Dean knew it was true, but he still wasn’t happy. “Again, none of it worked anyway.”

“You know better than that,” he shook his head, the disappointment bled through his words. But somewhere mixed in with the frustration, you heard gratitude.

“And you know better, too. I wasn’t just going to sit on my ass or ride off into the sunset like everything was fine,” you still couldn’t find his gaze. It was easier to stare at the glass bottle between your hands.

He didn’t respond right away. The sound of Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar On Me” was playing on the jukebox now, and it was the only noise you could hear just over the chatter of the other people in the bar. “Thanks,” you weren’t sure you heard him right away, but you felt his fingers graze the top of one of your hands that was clasped around the bottle. “I’m really glad I’ve got you. So if some shit ever goes down again, no goin' off and making deals to save me. If I came back and somethin' had happened to you..." his voice trailed off. You would spend a lot of time wondering what he had wanted to say, but chose not to. Instead, you moved your head to look straight into those green eyes, and that’s when you noticed it. A smirk tugged at the corners of his lips, and while his eyes were still sad, you saw a glimmer of hope.

A/N: Thank you for reading! As always, I am always open to any feedback you may have :)

Tag List: @jackles010378 @ladysparkles78 @hallecarey1 @zepskies @lyarr24

[fatallyaddictedtofiction]

Im just gonna allow myself to yap about supernatural and see where destiny takes me. SIDENOTE IF U WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS WITH ME LITERALLY PLEASE I WANT TO PLEASE INTERACT WITH ME.

Okay first of all im starting with the start (s1+2). BEST LIGHTING TO MOOD EVER EVER EVER. Like you want dark scary monsters??? ITS THERE. I remember there being a reason they changed the lighting (smugly: yes i listen to the podcast) but i CANT REMEMBER. The characterisation of the macho eldest son coded scared eldest daughter Dean is unreal and parallel in epicness to repressed queer allegory something is inherently wrong with him little brother. The brief moments of emotional vulnerability. Dont get me STARTED on Dean's monologue in the s2 finale i'll start crying. It's crazy how rude john is to Dean like excuse me he raised your kid and now ur bitching about him? Try saying thank you for once. I think the only reason john actually said im proud of you was because he realised when azazel said it dean was like "ur not my dad" and to john it was a little "oh shit" moment. Sam has every right to be angry but every time he gets angry at dean something in me shatters a little because deans trying so hard for himself and sam and sam doesnt know who or how to lash out (emotional dysregulation baybee) so aims for deans jugular like nooo honeyyyy noooooo. This era was the best sam in my opinion.

Rest of the show down here:

Onto S3-5. Cant remember jack about season 3. Season 4 CASTIEL MY BELOVED MY LIGHT MY LIFE MY REASON FOR LIVING. Absolutely loved everything about Weird Cas and i wanted more of him why did they have to domesticate him. His and Deans dynamic was impeccable and yk something??? I wanted to see Dean in hell torturing people i wanted to see it on his face how much he hated that he enjoyed it and i wanted to see Cas' face at watching the righteous man lose. Like the best we got was Yellow Fever GOD I LOVED THAT bit when he was hallucinating the book and it said "you gonna cry?" Like so many people think thats a funny episode but it makes me so sad because he is DYING and from such a young age hes been told to stow it away, lock it down to the point hes HALLUCINATING IT. Cas falling for dean. Im sorry i just. They are the best love story. LUCIFER. He was scarier back then, but i do love later seasons lucy too. Something about the peeling skin and the "we will always end up right here" just slapped. ENDVERSE EPSIODE god so good can we just take a moment to think about it. Okay cool thanks okay. Demon blood Sam arc was fun but had unfulfilled potential. Cant give you specifcs rn its late and my brain needs to get this all out so if you know you know. The whole meta stuff with Chuck was eh until he was confirmed as god and then i was like duuude the faint strings of marionettes are glistening in the sunrise like how do we know --- im getting ahead of myself.

S6-11. I know, its a big chunk. But basically the whole thing could be renamed "Crowley's unrequited love story". Cas and crowley were the best duo i almost forgot like they are genuinely so funny together and i bet it would be great to be tortured by them UMM THE BETRAYAL i honestly loved Cas' episode the only thing i didn't like was how the reveal itself was done like... Idk just a bit... Kryptonite???? Anywho i Loved the tension between Dean and Cas DEAN LOOKED BACK. Um leviathans were my favourite monster but they became so dumbbbb after washing up liquid killed them. BOBBYS EPISODE ALWAYS MAKES ME SOB MY EYES OUT "i raised two boys and they became heroes" allow me to DIE. Also damn impressed a shot to the head didnt take him down but it was lovely to see Deans first world, first solid rock properly crumble around him (forgetting john okay he wasnt a healthy rock) . PURGATORY DEAN JDJSJDJDJD kill me please his fight or flight mode was SO. So sad we didnt get more of purgatory like i would pay to see more i would kill probably but we'll overlook that. Benny my beloved. They definitely all got together Cas included like who wouldnt at that point. Smth i didnt like is how wheneer they went back to purgatory, unlike how dean described it "360 battle 24/7" or some shit like that it was EMPTY. Like please,, i know the plot needs convenience BUT PURGATORY ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE CONVENIENT. But dean recrafting his own memories to make himself believe that he failed to save Cas rather than what he perceived as Cas giving up on him- hang on i dropped my jaw somewhere, gimme a sec i need to go find it-- LIKE. HHHH. The whole mind control shit going on with Cas because his ties to Dean had been severed (saw a post about that and loved it but cant rmb it) and HIM BEING THE ONE TO BREAK IT. The crypt scene mmmm i love. Want more. Mark of Cain dean was literally my favourite. A violent, mentally unstable man who also has bad mental health and is often covered in blood? Yes pls. Cas being with him every step of the way. I havent mentioned Sam in a while. Hes just kind of been there. Hate that he slowly became 2D. Far away in the background hes got his worried expression and is rocking, saying "Dean? Dean? Cas? Jack? Dean?" Like writers why did u strip his personality except for worry. Do Not get me started on the whole Amelia thing ill stab someone. But yeah cas saying he'll watch dean murder the world is my universe :). If someone said that to me id say "omg really?" And develop a huge fat crush (somehow). CHARLIE DYING WAS AN ABOMINATION When they brought back Eileen why not charlie like. Dont bring characters back at this point because theres all sorts of issues grr. Amara was cool af but i didnt like the whole amara x dean stuff because it was just weird. Luciferrrrr hes so girlypop i love him DEAN DIDNT KNOW IT WASNT CAS but thats only because lucy purposefully wore less clothes around him to distract him.

S12-14. Im running out of steam. MARYYY. It hurt to see Sam get along with Mary becsuse he never knew her as anything else while all dean wanted was a mom and that wasnt who she really was anymore. He loved her so much but couldnt break through that barrier of "it wasnt the perfect marriage until after she died" vibes. God that scene in s5 where its suggested dean saw +/ smelled what happened to Mary and he was literally backing himself into a corner BROKE me. Havent mentioned the Wayward sisters but please know they are so important to me they are my everything. Jack is also. Loved Kelly, very sad she had to die. Wanted Jack to be a baby but thats not good for television is it. But i love Jack so much hes such a sweetie who can kill with a thought. Alternate universe michael and Michael!Dean was epic af but michael dying like that was so anticlimactic gonna be honest i think they were just reaching for ways to lose Jacks soul. Garth GARTH!!! Hes so cute. I loved all those "hand recorded" episodes btw like ghostfacers and that one teen wolf type stuff. Dean hiding in his room is so me. Free Will Theory is so fucked up at this point ur sat there saying gods been pulling the strings this whole time and i supposed to be okay with it?? I so get why deans angry but i definitely think thats something Chuck emphasised (crappy excuse for crappy writing) to an extreme level because WHAT. Like dude. I cant even describe how out of character he felt at some times.

S15. Currently rewatching and cant rmb much of it. 3 characters dead in the first 3 episodes. They either kill off all side characters or we dont hear from them at all to tie up or shove away loose ends. I cant even talk abiut the finale please i cant rn im way too tired. It straight up didnt need to exist, it could've only been 19 eps. Cas. Castiel. He did want you my darling.

[narrynukezankielover]

I’ve read a lot of posts of people saying that they don’t like at the end of season 7 Dean yelling at Cas. Personally I don’t like it but Dean needed to get it out of him. The guy went the whole season without anyone trying to talk to him about what was on his mind. When he finally was able to talk about it it just came out like that. Cas wasn’t in his right mind so he didn’t take it to heart but at least it got Dean to get over what had happened.

Then comes the cute stuff.

Every time before this when someone would say something like the angel that’s in love with you or whatever Dean would roll his eyes. This time Meg said he was your boyfriend first and there’s no eye rolling or denying it he just swallows.

Then there’s the two times people called Cas Deans angel. Sounds like they all think of Cas and Dean as boyfriends just no one says it. Dean even had a smile on his face when the vampire said it.

This scene is very sweet. Dean telling Cas if you were the last person I’ll take you cursed if not. Back in season 6 Cas secretary accused Dean of only calling Cas when he needed him. Dean obviously didn’t think that was true because he started to go nuts and Cas obviously didn’t like her saying that because he told her to go away but I think that idea was in both of their heads. When Dean thought Cas was dead and he clearly couldn’t handle Cas not being around I think he realized what Cas meant to him. Now Cas doesn’t want to fight because he’s afraid he’s going to make things worse so why would Dean need him but when Dean said if you were the last person I’ll take you cursed or not he was telling Cas he doesn’t care if he had powers or not he still wants him around and to help him fight.

This part makes me wonder what Cas says about Dean in heaven. All angels know Dean and Sam but Alfie let Sam pass him and went straight to Dean to ask about Cas. He didn’t know Cas and Dean were in purgatory so it’s not like he went to Dean because he was there with Cas. Clearly he knows how close they are by the sounds of it so do most angels. Then when Alfie said how some angels think that even though Cas did something insane his heart was in the right place and Dean asked what he thought. To me it sounds like Dean was trying to figure out if Alfie was a good angel or not. When Alfie said he thought Cas has too much of a heart Dean knew he was good. If he likes Cas he’s a good angel.

This hug just makes me smile. I’m very happy that Cas first single hug with Dean or Sam was with Dean.

I kind of wish the purgatory stuff were full episodes so we could see more of the place and more Cas but at the same time I like that it was done as flashbacks so random things made Dean think back to that place. It’s soooo sweet that Dean looked for a year for Cas when he could’ve went home at any point but he wouldn’t leave Cas and he prayed to him every night. Dean doesn’t pray to god but he will pray to Cas. He even told Cas I need you. That’s a big thing for Dean. Dean doesn’t tell anyone that he needs them so for him to say that was a big deal and Cas knew that.

I love when they protect each other. Cas had to leave Dean to protect him against the leviathans and Dean telling Cas to fly off when the leviathans were coming plus he kept defending Cas to Benny. You don’t say anything bad about Cas to Dean.

One thing that pisses me off is that Cas and Dean were gone for a year and Sam couldn’t take 2 seconds to go look for Dean. They disappeared in front of Sam so he didn’t know if they were dead or just down the street he had no idea. Dean gave up his soul so Sam could live and he looked for a year for Sam when he thought Sam was in hell but Dean went and Sam took that opportunity to give up being a hunter and ran away. He kept saying it was because he met Amelia but she wasn’t waiting for him outside the building which means he had time before he met her to look for Dean. I can completely see why Dean is pissed off. Sam never said he was sorry or that he did the wrong thing by not looking for Dean and not answering his phones. This could turn into a rant so I’m just going to say I completely agree with everything Dean said in that scene about Sam.

[ananke-xiii]

I've tried and tried but I can't make sense of what Cas says in 15x09 when he's in Purgatory with Dean. I like this episode, I think it's an overall good episode (writing, directing, post-production etc) and all the actors were really feeling it that day because their performances sold it. But... what the hell Cas is saying in "The Trap"?

This scene in particular, I literally have difficulty with its analysis. I mean, I might be 100% just me, maybe I just don't get it and that's fine, still it doesn't sound like Cas is REALLY talking WITH Dean, it rather feels like he's having an internal monologue that he's clumsily externalizing.

Cas: Sorry about Benny.

Dean: I owed him my life. And he sacrificed himself to get Sam out of this place.

Cas: Well, this place will bring that out in you. Guilt. It was my fault the Leviathan got out. It was my fault we were here the first time. I carry that guilt every day.

Dean: I know you're sorry, Cas. About Bel, about Mom.

Cas: I was talking about Jack. I already apologized to you. You just refused to hear it.

Dean: Sorry I brought it up. Maybe if you didn't just up and leave us.

Cas: You didn't give me a choice. You couldn't forgive me. And you couldn't move on. You were too angry. I left, but you didn't stop me.

Let's break it down and see what the hell is going on here.

Benny:

Benny is the ghost of past partners bestest of best friends ever in this episode. Dean brings him up when he says that they might run into him and that he's likely the king of Purgatory by now (and then he suggests that they split up which I find simply hilarious for 2 reasons: first, Dean has basically just said that they might meet Benny and then adds he wants to split up, I mean LOL, go look for your new King of a Supernatural Dimension miss gurl, I guess; second, "going separate ways" is usually more Cas' modus operandi rather than Dean's, so it's surprising that he's the one suggesting this strategy and Cas is the one saying that they should stick together. Interesting. Me thinks there's some sort of reversal at play here).

Dean owes Benny his life and he sacrificed himself for Sam. Benny is also the one who answers his calls, who actually calls Dean when he needs his help, who listens to him, he's also there when Dean calls for his help. Benny is so selfless that he's sacrificed himself for Sam. Benny gets Dean. Basically, to put it in very very shallow terms, Benny is not Dean's "dream girl" but his ideal partner.

Guilt:

Cas tells Dean that he's sorry because they've just learnt that Benny's dead. And then Cas continues and says "Well, this place will bring that out in you. Guilt". What??? What does this have to do with the fact that Dean has just said that he owes Benny? We know that Dean has felt guilty about Benny in the past but right now? I think he sounds more grateful than guilty. But if Purgatory=Benny for Dean, it's definitely not the same for Cas. For him Purgatory=Guilt. Cas still carries the guilt over the Godstiel mess-up.

So Cas here, at least to me, he's not really replying to anything that Dean has just said. He's feeling guilty so he thinks Dean is feeling the same about Benny. Dean is in his feelings, he's thinking about what happened with Bel and, more importantly, with his mom. This is actually a huge step for him, bringing up Mary like that, after all that's happened bewteen them this is a huge sign of openness. The previous two times they've tried to talk about her it didn't go well.

Cas, however, is talking about Jack. He's feeling guilty because he thinks that everything that has happened to them has happened because he didn't tell Dean about that damn snake and everything that entailed. And then he says that he's already apologized. When? I know Berens loves his fanfiction gaps but I don't recall a scene where Cas apologizes to Dean. In "Absence" (also written by Berens) Cas explains why he didn't tell Dean about the snake but he doesn't exactly apologize. When the hell that happened? Did it happen or is Cas being delusional? I really don't understand what Cas is trying to say here.

Leaving and stopping:

Dean gets a bit defensive but he actually doesn't shy away from the big elephant in the room: maybe if Cas doesn't just up and leave (implied: we could've sorted it out). To this Cas drops this bomb that, to this day, it's super weird for me:

You didn't give me a choice. You couldn't forgive me. And you couldn't move on. You were too angry. I left, but you didn't stop me.

I think that Cas is, again, confusing what he's feeling with what Dean might be feeling. He didn't give himself a choice, he didn't forgive himself, he couldn't move on. "Moving on" is something that he says before leaving and yes, Dean was angry and??? There is no logical reasoning behind Cas' words. It's just factually NOT true that Dean didn't give him a choice. He's taking out on Dean emotions and feelings that he has for himself and that he hasn't processed.

So he left but Dean didn't stop him. Huh?

This is where I completely lose Berens. Dean has his own issues for sure but Cas leaving, per se, is not exactly one of them. It's my interpretation that Cas leaving the bunker to go do *stuff* is not something Dean is thrilled about, but it's canon that he's okay with that. The real problems Dean has with Cas are (and they are also canon): 1. he doesn't pick up the phone, doesn't text back, utterly ignores him (hello s12 Cas/John parallel) 2. Cas' lone-wolfing doesn't make Dean feel like he's part of the Team Free Will and Dean wants Cas to be part of it. Compare&contrast with Benny: Cas doesn't listen, doesn't call when he needs help, doesn't answer his calls = Cas doesn't act like Dean's ideal partner the bestest of best friends ever.

So see, here, the two are not really having a conversation, specifically Cas is in his own world and he's NOT listening. Dean doesn't even think about stopping Cas because Cas leaving is only PART of the problem Dean has with Cas. Dean's lion's share of the problem with Cas is that Cas doesn't make him feel like he's his partner.

And Cas fucking knows it. Because the fight they have in "The Rupture" (by Berens) is EXACTLY THE SAME FIGHT they have in "The Future" (also by Berens).

In "The Future" Dean spells out what his problem is, Cas cannot go dark side, cannot just ignore his calls, he was worried, they are a team, they solve their problems together etc, you know the mixtape scene. Dean couldn't be clearer.

And what does Cas do after that? He leaves again! And now, NOW in "The Trap", it turns out that the problem is that Dean doesn't stop him? No.

It doesn't make sense to me that Cas wants Dean to stop him when he leaves. I don't even think it's canonically accurate or in-character if I must be honest.

So, the only way to make it make sense is, for me, that Cas is projecting onto Dean his own issues. He leaves and he can't stop himself from leaving. He doesn't want to leave, yet he has this compulsion that just makes him leave the room and go as far away as possible. In other words, it's not that Dean doesn't stop him, it's that Cas cannot stop himself from leaving and it's hurting him (and everybody really) a lot and he feels guilty about it and carries that weight every day.

As much as I like Jensen's performance in "The Trap" when he prays to Cas and I think it's a beautiful and moving scene, it really didn't add anything new to Dean. We already know that he forgives Cas every.single.time. We also already know he has anger issues. The big news here is Cas projecting onto Dean and that he thinks that Dean's role is to stop him from leaving while the whole damn issue is that he doesn't want to leave in the first place but he keeps making the same mistake every.single.time.

So yeah, "The Trap" is abolutely NOT an episode where Dean and Cas communicate like at all. They're back to "The Future" where they had that conversation after the mixtape handover. Where, once again, Dean stated what his issues are, Cas once again left and then died. Just like what happens in s15, too.

[michaelenscombe]

The curious case of "How did you find me?" in S8, purgatory

Really, how did Dean find Cas?

Dean's answer to Cas' question "How did you find me?" is "the Bloody way." Yes, we all know Dean found Cas through torturing monsters, grilling them with the line "where's the Angel?" It's hot, it's cool, and what the writers intended was probably to show Dean's selflessness and loyalty towards his friend, for not giving up on looking for Cas even when he has a one-way ticket out of purgatory.

Let's think about the Watsonian perspective, however. Yes, think about what makes sense within the crazy universe of supernatural. Castiel ran off the moment he arrived at the purgatory with Dean because he wanted to protect Dean from the leviathans. "I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to-- to keep them away from you." Dean accuses Castiel of ignoring Dean's prayers ever since Castiel ran away: "I've been praying, Cas, every night." Dean has prayed to Castiel for a year, every day, and we know that Cas can hear prayers in purgatory (s15: "I heard your prayer.").

What makes sense from all of this is how Castiel managed to keep the leviathans away from Dean. If Castiel does not know where Dean is, Castiel cannot keep the leviathans away from Dean, he cannot stay "one step ahead of them" while simultaneously keeping them away from Dean if he did not already know that the direction to which he's leading the leviathans are a direction away from Dean, not towards Dean. Castiel, an angel of the lord, is a size of the Chrysler building. He's not the human vessel Dean sees him in. In purgatory, Castiel's real self exists by himself, which is massive. From Dean's prayers where Dean sheds information about his whereabouts and his future plans (For example: "I'm going north tomorrow to find you, Cas,") and from his own massive, numerous angelic eyes of his angelic form, it must have been easy for Castiel to know exactly where Dean currently was in purgatory. That way, Castiel can easily stay "one step ahead" of Dean and of leviathans, making sure that the two do not meet. That way, Castiel managed to hide himself from Dean's relentless seeking for a whole year. Simple. Makes sense. Great.

What does not make sense is that suddenly, all of a sudden, Dean finds Castiel. Castiel still wants Dean to be safe from the leviathans, and he still has the ability to run away from Dean wherever he is. So how and why exactly, when Dean started getting near Castiel, that Cas somehow suddenly did not know about it? How could Dean's basic human approach of torturing monsters for information and then walking towards wherever the monster suggested could ever beat Castiel's angelic abilities to see, hear and feel much far and beyond what Dean can do? Even without all the prayers and the angelic super-perceptive abilities, the fact alone that the massive being that is Castiel somehow did not catch Dean's footsteps as he approached near Cas does not make sense at all.

One hypothesis I came up with is this. Dean finds Castiel after he meets Benny. We don't know exactly how much time has went after Dean met Benny before he found Cas, but we do know that from the moment Cas meets Benny, he was, to say the least, wary of the vampire. The contempt and disgust when Cas denies being called Benny's "aunt" -- it seems quite uncalled for, especially when Cas just met him.

So what if the reason Dean found Cas was because Cas let himself be found? And what if Cas let himself be found, thereby risking Dean's exposure to leviathans, because he learned from the latest prayers from Dean that he was growing close to Benny? A little too close, maybe?

Cas, for an entire year, listened to Dean's prayers every night like a lullaby. He must have listened to them while his heart broke at how desperately Dean looked for him, how loyally Dean looked for him, knowing that the only way to keep Dean safe is to not grant Dean's wish. He must have told himself no, I cannot tell Dean the truth, Dean will never leave me behind if he knows the truth, therefore the only right thing to do is to avoid Dean at all costs, repeatedly, reminding himself the cause of his actions. And one day, Dean's prayer includes the name Benny -- Benny tells me I should sleep, but I can't just go to sleep while knowing that you're out there by yourself, man -- and it must have rattled Castiel, with worry (what friend can Dean ever make in a purgatory where there only are monsters?) and, as Benny appears in prayers more frequently and with more fondness, with jealousy. Who gets to be with Dean when I have to be away from Dean? Who is this Benny, who gets to protect Dean and watch over Dean while he sleeps and gets to earn Dean's gratitude for it? Who is this monster who somehow wormed their way into Dean's heart while Dean is resenting me for leaving him behind, for betraying him with Crowley, for not listening to him about being pseudo-God?

It just makes everything so seamless. Cas let himself be found because Dean's recent prayers include Benny a little too fondly which leads Cas to experience a moment of weakness in his resolve to keep Dean away from him. Cas, not wanting to reveal his possessiveness to Dean (for many reasons), fakes his surprise to being found by Dean. The moment he sees Dean, he glances at Benny warily, and he cannot hide his hostility against the vampire although they technically just met.

Cas, as expected, finds that Dean refuses to leave Cas behind; he also learns that Benny is not an evil creature (Benny saves Cas from a leviathan even when it would be more beneficial for Benny that Cas dies.). Cas believes that he deserves to be left in purgatory. Therefore, even though Cas let himself be found by Dean in a moment of weakness spurred by jealousy, as he finds his cool and reassesses his situation, his plan readjusts, with the same conclusion as before -- to stay away from Dean, to not let himself be found by Dean. Benny proving himself to be a decent being possibly let Cas feel okay about letting Dean go with Benny without Cas protecting him from the vampire.

Gif & image credit: @carveredlund and @imeaglejd

[wellofdean]

I've read a lot of your posts, but I don't how you can say that Supernatural was not queerbaiting. What do you mean by 'it was structural'? The PTB never let Dean and Cas be in love, they just strung us all along and then slammed the door in our faces? Killed the gay and then never mentioned Cas again? That is queerbaiting, plain and simple.

Hi friend. Well, this is why: there are too many things, especially starting from the arc in season 7 where Cas is working with Crowley, that simply DO NOT MAKE SENSE unless Dean is in love with Cas, and Cas is in love with Dean. I mean... what do you mean they never let them be in love? Were we watching the same show?

Like, Why does Dean look back at Cas with that injured look on his face when Cas is working with Crowley? Why does Dean forgive Cas for breaking Sam's brain almost immediately? Why does Dean take Cas's stupid trenchcoat with him through a series of stolen cars when he thinks Cas is dead after the Leviathans? Why does he look like he is going to die on the spot when he meets Emmauel and his wife? Why was Dean in Purgatory for a year, refusing to leave even though he had a way out until he found 'the angel'? Why is Cas not leaving Purgatory with him so devastatingly painful that he has to rewrite his memories to cope? Why does Dean telling Cas he needs him break Naomi's conditioning in that crypt? Why do they forgive each other irrationally again and again and again? What in the holy name of all that is totally fucking gay was Dean's confession about? Why does the narrative very explicitly parallel Cain's wife with Cas? Why does it parallel Cas and Eileen? Why can't Dean, possessed with the mark of Cain, kill Cas? Why does Cas let Dean beat him up or hold him back, like, EVER? Why did Mary fucking know the minute she met Cas? Why did Castiel, angel of the lord, let Dean dress him up like a fucking cowboy? Why does Sam always have that look on his face when they bicker? Why is losing Cas what breaks Dean down like nothing else? Why is their relationship breaking, being mended and fucking saving the world the most important emotional arc and plot element of the entire final season? Why does Dean always look like he is literally choking on his own heart whenever anything Cas is involved? Wherefore all those insane Jacting Joices?? Like, I could go on and on, but their love for each other is the backbone of SO MUCH of that story, and there is simply too much of Supernatural that doesn't make a lick of sense if Dean is not queer and in love with Cas, and Cas doesn't love Dean beyond all human understanding.

And listen: I don't care what anyone involved in the making Supernatural says about it! The text is the text, and it is profoundly, thoroughgoingly queer. They loved each other. They were each other's primary relationship, and nearly every other character on the show sees it and SAYS it.

Here's what I wish the "QUEERBAITING!!!" crowd would remember: there are a lot of queer experiences in the world to represent, and not all of them are defined by who tongue wrestles and fucks who. Not all of them are sexual at all! Not all of them are happy endings. There are a lot of queer people who don't work out their trauma and hetero conditioning until it's too late somehow, and who have to make peace with just being, or just saying it, and not having, again and again and again. There are a lot of queer people, even now, who can't look their real selves in the eye. There are queer people out there who want a thing they can't have, or think they can't have, and don't say anything at all about it. The fact that they can't say it, or can't have it doesn't make them any less fully fucking queer.

Some of us queers felt seen and represented by this story, Don't erase us just because you didn't get to see two pretty men make out.

That said, the majority of the final two episodes of Supernatural were egregious examples of narrative malpractice, and we all deserved better. Dean and Cas deserved better. I will agree with you there. But, that's not queerbaiting; it's just poor storytelling and denial. The queerness was already BAKED IN, and fully present, and I would argue it was there from the get go, that it went from a character based on a bisexual beat-era dude in a story about profound Daddy issues to the most romantic love story I have ever seen with my eyes on TV.

Seriously, SPN fandom catechism is so tired.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

I'm No Angel: Part One

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.4k

Warnings: canon angst and violence

Summary: The hunt for Castiel is afoot. There are two groups looking for him: the angels and your family. Who will get to him first?

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated.

x

Your baby girl is growing up so fast. She's going to turn three soon, and you honestly don't know where the time went. It feels like just yesterday she was born, but so much has happened since she was.

Dean and Lisa broke things off, your dad died, the Leviathans were defeated, you went to purgatory, and now the angels are waging a civil war against each other. How much more can your shoulders take, and how much of it are you willing to carry for your daughters?

You want the world for Joanna, but it still has a long way to go to be perfect for her—for your whole family, in fact. These quiet little moments are heavenly, but you know they won't last.

Take now, for example.

You, Dean, and the girls are eating breakfast just trying to enjoy the morning before the shit hits the fan. Joanna is at that age where she will start to remember things, so you want her to have a party for her third birthday.

"Joanna, your third birthday is coming up soon. Do you want a party?" you ask and take a bite of food.

"I don't know anyone," she says innocently.

Suddenly, you don't feel so hungry anymore. Your shoulder sags slightly, and you feel the burden of being a mother at the same time as being a hunter. Sadness washes over you in waves, and you feel like a bad mother for keeping her away from other kids. She is almost three and she doesn't even have any friends.

"What do you want?" you finally ask.

"Princesses," she grins.

"I can make that happen," you chuckle. "What kind of presents do you want?"

"More dolls."

Her playroom is filled to the brim with dolls. It seems like no matter how many dolls you buy her, it's never enough.

"I'll get you whatever you want," Dean kisses her head when he passes by with coffee in hand. "You better make a big list for me."

"Okay Daddy," she giggles.

The metal front door opens, and Sam jogs in as if he's been up for hours. You look up and see him carrying some takeout containers in his hands. What time did he get up?

"Hey! Morning!" Sam greets and jogs down the stairs.

"How long have you been up?"

"For a few hours. I went for a run--beautiful sunrise--came back, took a shower, and got breakfast for you two--real bacon and eggs, extra grease. I'm not even going to argue," he chuckles and hands over the food to Dean.

"You went running?" Dean asks after smelling the food.

"Why do you look so worried?"

"Let's see. I told Cas to haul ass over here three days ago, and he's not here. Not to mention, there's you."

"Me? I feel great."

"I'm sure you do, Sam, but you went through the trials," you say. "That put a big strain on you. You should take it easy. We still don't know the full extent of the damage inside you."

Sam's demeanor changes and his eyes shine bright blue as the angel inside of him takes over.

"Sam is doing very well, and he does feel better," Ezekiel informs. "He's a work in progress, of course, but I am slowly healing him."

You're still not used to the way Ezekiel can go from himself to Sam in the blink of an eye, so it takes you and Dean some time to process what just happened.

"That's great, but Sam--"

"I have some news," the angel cuts him off. "I've picked up chatter among the angels. Not all are wandering around in confusion."

"Yeah, some of them are after Castiel."

"There is a faction that is rapidly organizing and finding human vessels to contain them. It's this faction's leadership who wants Castiel found. You see, Dean, I can be useful."

"So can my brother. Why don't you go check your email, and If I need your help, I'll let you know."

That's Dean's way of saying "sit down and shut the fuck up".

"Dean--"

"He said he'll let you know," you say with a glare.

Ezekiel knows when he isn't wanted, so he quickly slips back into Sam's mind.

"I mean, you know, Cas is human now. It's gonna take him a lot longer to travel," Sam says as if no time has passed.

Yeah, this isn't confusing at all.

"I'm going to get whiplash," Dean mutters to himself, but you hear him.

"What?"

"Nothing. Alright, so, I was thinking that if the angels are organizing, then that makes them a lot more dangerous than we thought."

"Why do you think they're organizing?" Sam asks, confused.

Dean knows he's slipped up, and you quickly cover his tracks so he doesn't give anything away.

"It makes sense, Sam," you stand. "If they organize and become a bigger group, then more of them can go after Castiel. We have to find him."

"Alright, I'll get started."

Sam grabs his laptop and leaves the room. Joanna finishes her food and runs after Sam to be with him. Maryann is in the baby rocker, sleeping since you woke her up pretty early. Without Joanna here, you lose the facade. You sigh deeply and put your head in your hands.

"What's wrong?"

"Not only do I feel like a bad mom, but this whole Sam/Ezekiel thing is going to turn on us sooner or later. He's going to keep questioning how we know things, and he'll figure it out. He'll hate us. He doesn't want this, and the longer it goes on, the more he'll hate us."

"You let me worry about that," Dean says and takes a seat next to you. "What's this about you being a bad mom? You're the best I know."

"Joanna should have friends," you sniffle. "She should be having playdates and going out to the park. She's almost three, and all she's done in her life is go on hunts with us. I wish we could have a nanny who knew about the supernatural and who could live here and take care of the kids while we're gone. That way, they'd actually get to have a normal life."

"If making sure they're fed, happy, and have a roof over their heads makes you a bad mom, then I'm a bad dad."

"Just one more year, and she can go to preschool and make friends."

"How is she going to go to school if we're hunting every day?"

"She will get an education, Dean. She will have a life outside of hunting even if it means I have to stop. I refuse to let her grow up in the way we did."

Dean knows there is no point in arguing with you, and he will cross this bridge when he comes to it. Joanna has another year until she is allowed into preschool. Well, the CDC says a child can enroll as early as three, but you're not even close to being prepared for that. You're going to wait until she is four, and then you'll start to look for schools around the Lebanon area.

Maryann wakes from her mini nap and begins crying, and even from where you're at, you can smell that she needs a change. You pick her up and soothe her while on the way to her nursery. Once you finish changing her and getting her dressed, you make sure Joanna is dressed and ready to go. After that, you get dressed, and you all meet in the library where Sam is still doing research.

"Did you find anything?" you ask and prop Maryann on your left hip.

Joanna is on the floor playing with Zeus, and she giggles when he licks her hands. Dean is sitting at the table with Sam, pouring over a map of Colorado and the surrounding states. There are radius circles drawn in intervals around the last location you knew Castiel was in: Colorado.

"Alright, so Cas called from Longmont, Colorado on Tuesday. Each circle is how far he might have gotten in one, two, and three days out," Dean says.

"The same day he called from Longmont, someone reported a weird murder in the same town. The cops said it was like the girl was blasted from the inside out."

"That's an angel kill. Let's hope they missed him," you say hopefully.

"Unless they got him," Dean sighs.

"Mama, where's Uncle Cassie?" Joanna asks.

"We're looking for him, sweetie. We'll bring him home."

"Do you have Emery Park in Iowa marked on your map?" Sam asks as he types.

"Yes. It's a couple of days outside Longmont."

"I only ask because two priests were murdered there on Thursday with eyes blown out and evidence of torture. They were impaled on posts," Sam whispers since Joanna is still here.

"They're looking for information," you sigh. "If they get to him before we do..."

"Yeah, we better go."

"Come on, baby. Let's go save Uncle Cassie," you say and grab Joanna's hand.

The first place you travel to is Emery Park in Iowa, which is about five hours from the Bunker. Castiel was in Colorado when you last heard from him, and in order to get to Emery Park, you'd have to pass Kansas. He was headed to the Bunker, realized he was being followed, and continued on to keep the Bunker's location a secret.

You have to find him quickly or else the other angels will kill him for doing what he thought was right.

Emery Park is a nice and quiet town, and if you had to guess where Castiel might have ended up, it would be at a church. Sam is with the kids in the car while you and Dean talk to the groundskeeper for St. Anne's Cathedral. You didn't even have to try hard. As soon as you described the man you're looking for, everything else fell into place.

"Yeah, I think I know this guy you're talking about. It sounds like Clarence."

"Clarence?" you ask.

"This church runs a shelter in town, and we work here to earn our keep. Clarence spent a couple of nights here before he had to move on."

"He left the day the bodies were found?"

"Yeah. Man, those poor guys were a mess. They must have suffered badly," he sighs. "At least they're with the angels."

"I sure as hell hope not," Dean mutters. "Did Clarence happen to mention where he was headed?"

"No. He just said he had to keep going."

"I appreciate you talking to us. Thank you," you smile tightly.

You and Dean leave his side and head back to the car where Sam is typing on his laptop. Joanna is playing with her dolls, and Maryann is sleeping in her car seat.

"Alright, he's definitely been here," Dean says when you two get in the car. "The good news is he's getting cagey. He's using a fake name--Clarence."

"That's what Meg used to call him. Of course, he doesn't get that that's the name of a pretty famous angel." You and Dean look at him with weird looks, and he gives you both the bitch face. "It's A Wonderful Life." Still, nothing. "Seriously?"

"What did you come up with?" you quickly change the topic.

"Another angel was killed outside a town called Lafayette which is about a day's travel east of here."

"Is that in Indiana?"

"Yeah. The body was found at a homeless camp. The weird thing about it is he was a pharmacist from Dayton. He wasn't homeless."

Lafayette is six hours from Emery Park, which makes the total amount of hours driven to find Castiel, eleven. That is half a day you've been searching for the former angel, and that doesn't include all the stops. You had to take a small break to eat and rest before continuing, and you reached Lafayette right before sundown.

Joanna and Maryann already had their naps, so they are both wide awake when you walk into the police station with the brothers. Maryann is in the stroller while Joanna walks beside it holding one of her dolls. Sam had called the police chief to let him know you'd be coming, so they jumped right into the situation at hand.

"It's the damnedest thing I've ever seen. The vic had a stab wound but it's not what killed him. It's like his insides were--I can't even find the word."

"Vaporized?" Dean asks. "It's been going around. So, this guy was a pharmacist?"

"Apparently. He was a total family man, and he was religious. One day, he just hops in the SUV, takes off, and dies under a bridge from God knows what." The police chief walks you over to the evidence locker where they have all of his belongings. He gives your children a side-eye, but he doesn't comment on why they are here. "This is his stuff. Help yourselves."

"Thank you."

He leaves, and you dig into the two plastic bags to see if anything will tell you where Castiel is. The things inside the bags are pretty standard such as a wallet, keys, a watch, a pen, etc. Sam picks up the man's miniature Bible while Dean goes through his cell phone.

"Did you find anything?" you ask and keep your kids close.

"Nothing weird. There's a ton of shitty music and a lot of video podcasts of the same person: Reverend Buddy Boyle's 'Goin' for Glory Hour'."

"The chief did say he was religious."

Dean plays one of Buddy's podcasts but keeps the volume low to not disturb anyone else. The video is of someone who looks like they dressed up as a priest instead of actually being one. His hair is too slicked back to be a real priest.

"Join me in a heapin' helpin' of glory, friends," he says with too wide of a smile on his face. "When you're in the presence of the divine, you'll know it. If you let yourself, you'll hear it." Dean skips most of the video. "So, remember, when angels come a-knocking, let 'em on in."

"Angels can't possess a human without permission, right?" Sam asks.

It's like the weight on your shoulders gets heavier because you hate lying to Sam about the angel inside of him, and you hate how you tricked him into doing it.

"Yep," Dean says curtly.

"So, what, they're using this guy to find vessels?"

"It's a willing audience. They're all religious types like our pharmacist here. Buddy Boyle was telling them to let the angels take them over. How big a reach does this Boyle guy have?"

Sam does a quick search on Google, and the first thing that pops up is "Global Influence" from Buddy's website. There are red dots in virtually every major city in the entire world.

"Pretty much the entire planet," Sam sighs.

"The only way we're going to get information about Castiel is if we ask the homeless shelters around town. We should start with the nearest one," you suggest.

You three finish up before leaving the police station with your kids.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[what-if-i-just-did]

Destiel Prompt List, 1. Inner monologue of a classic Destiel scene.

Trigger Warnings: Severe Feels, Co-dependency, mentions of clinical insanity and being in a constant state of anxiety

I'm not leaving without you

Cas throws the water over his face, eyes shifting again between all the most likely places for a Leviathan to pop up, all the best tactical positions for starting a fight with him right now. Still, he's gratefull for this momentary pause, this small piece of calm without fighting, even if it is just the calm before the storm, even if it is riddled with the anxiety of knowing he could and would be under attack again any second. Then he hears rustling. He just has time to figure the thought that he should leave before a voice, a very, very familliar voice calls out his name. "Cas!" "Dean."

Cas is overcome with longing, even more so than every time Dean prayed, because Dean is right there. But he needs to focus. He stays still for a second, fighting for his lucidity, fighting the urge to get up and hold Dean close. He knows he can't be near Dean. Why did Dean come find me? Did he try to find me? That's not logical why would he do that. But, why would he be here otherwise? How did he find me? He gets up, looking to his side for possible exits. He doesn't know why Dean is here, what Dean could want. He does know he needs to get away from Dean again as fast as possible. He cannot, will not endanger Dean. Not again, his mind supplies.

"Cas." Dean repeats, and walks closer. Cas has the urge to walk away now, to flinch back. Dean laughs, as if Cas isn't confused enough, and... embraces him. Exactly what Cas had been trying not to do before. Why did Dean do that? Cas lets himself be grabbed, and... Dean really does grab onto his outer layer of clothing. "Damn it's good to see you. Nice peach fuzz." Dean leans back again. Dean, you can't be here. You're not safe with me. "Thank you" His mouth mindlessly supplies. Huh? Oh right, his the human had complimented him. Not relevant. He needed to leave.

"Want you to meet somebody. This is Benny- Benny, this is Cas." Cas hadn't properly realised there was another person with them. "Hola.", Benny added, looking at Cas the way you do in Purgatory. Cas returned the favor. He was a vampire, that much was obvious- there was still some Angel left in him, at least. Just enough to endanger Dean, he thought bitterly. Why Dean was teaming up with a vampire was another discussion, however. "How did you find me?" Cas asks instead, turning his eyes back to the only thing he actually cares about. And did you try to. He's fairly sure that even with his back turned, he can protect Dean from the vampire, and it also doesn't seem like he needs protecting from this vampire (or any vampire in general, Dean can take care of himself), and this is more important right now.

Dean looks at Cas for a second. How would he even answer that? Because it's not exactly like he can say I tracked, tortured and killed so many different things all over this freakin' hellspawned place just because they might have half a clue of where your holy ass has been hanging out all this time that I can't even count them anymore. Well. "The bloody way. You feelin' okay?" Cas was... well he looked like he'd gone to Hell and back, but Dean's pretty sure he wasn't looking any different. (They had both gone to Hell and back, but this was a different trip.) Cas keeps looking around them though, and Dean can't tell if he's looking out for a fight, if he's lookin' for a way to leave, or if he's... still seeing things that aren't, well, there.

"You mean, am I still..." Cas does the 'finger going in circles besides your head' thing that generally means 'crazy' and raises an eyebrow. It feels just a little too human, but Dean's glad Cas's melon is at least okay enough to read between some lines. He almost smiles. Almost. "Yeah, if you wanna be on the nose about it, sure." Dean wants to smile. Please give me a reason to smile here, Cas. "No, I'm perfectly sane." Comes the immidiate reply, and Dean almost does smile before it turns out that that wasn't the end of the sentence. "But then, 94% of psychotics think they're perfectly sane, so I guess we have to ask ourselves, 'What is sane?'." And that is... right. That is precisely something that both Cas, old Cas, would have said, and exactly the type of thing that koo-kuck bee-loving Cas would rant on about, like asking him about lipstick, or bees. Cas is still looking shifty. Well, that didn't answer the question. "Yeah, good question." He says instead. Because it is. It's the type of thing you can drive yourself crazy over, and exactly the type of thing Dean doesn't have time for here.

"Why'd ya bail on Dean?" Because of course that would be the first thing Benny asked Cas. "-Dude." "The way I hear it, you two hit Monsterland, and hot wings here, took off... I figure he owes you some backstory." Really, Benny? I just got my angel back, lay off 'im. Dean tries to explain what happened, the story he's been telling himself at least, because Cas would abandon him, right, not if he didn't need to.

He yells at Cas. He's actually really sorry about that. Especially when Cas's voice wavers, or breaks- who the fuck is paying attention- as he says, "- to keep them away from you." Because of course Cas, self-sacrificing son of a bitch, only ever left to try to protect Dean. So, of course Dean won't just leave him now. Just got him back. "I'm not leaving without you."

[mlobsters]

supernatural s7e23 survival of the fittest (w. sera gamble)

CROWLEY You know what I like about you? DICK ROMAN Lack of pretension? CROWLEY You're smarter than you look. DICK ROMAN Oh, well, now you're just flirting.

even him flirting with crowley i can't get myself to care 😔

(i only point out some of the fatphobia since it's so prevalent but know i see it and get irritated every damn time :p)

SAM We can call Castiel again. DEAN Dude, on my car, he showed up naked... covered in bees. SAM Yeah, I'm not really sorry I missed that.

okay but this was clearly adr'd/dubbed over when he says "covered in bees" haha was this something else at some point? i've never noticed a really obvious adr/dub like that on this show before

DEAN Well… let's bone this nun.

i like the zero reaction from sam. just keep the serious concerned about to desecrate a righteous nun's grave face on. dean why are you like this, you goober

MEG I was laying low halfway across the world when emo boy pops up out of nowhere and zaps me right back here. DEAN Why? MEG Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first.

the images at the top with cas in the car, i felt that in my soul. dealing with my kids 🤪 the deep breath to gather every scrap of patience. they also chose to make it look like he's gettin his dick sucked through the car window, which is a choice

dean looks so much smaller in a leather jacket that actually fits him. also itching to get the trimmer. i just need two minutes with padalecki's face...

solidarity sandwich

just get through this episode and the leviathans will be done, right?

hackin the gibson

DEAN We can't leave it. You let these friggin' things in. So you don't get to make a sandwich. You don't get a damned cat. Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas. Clean up your mess!

i'm glad someone's still mad lol

BOBBY Here's to... running into you guys on the other side. Only... not too soon. All right?

i mean. dean will be too soon, when it finally takes.

DEAN Yeah, but you know what? Bottom of the ninth, and you're the only guy left on the bench... Sorry, but I'd rather have you, cursed or not. And anyway, nut up, all right? We're all cursed. I seem like good luck to you? What? CASTIEL Well, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I detect a note of forgiveness. DEAN Yeah, well, I'm probably gonna die tomorrow, so... CASTIEL Well, I'll go with you. And I'll do my best.

well. i guess since he's a good guy, we have to forgive him at some point. even if it doesn't make a lot of sense to budge right now

stunt baby has tinted windows apparently

CROWLEY It looks like you are well and truly... on your own.

oh, sam. losing bobby for good and dean in one go...

i do have a vague idea what he gets up to while dean's in purgatory (from fic) but no idea how it's actually executed

pretty shot, but so dark

welp. i felt a twinge of something when they melted bobby's flask with an apparently extremely hot fire, but. i think if it had happened back earlier when it was closer to all the other bits of his story, it would have had more impact. but by now it's just... blegh.

what a lackluster ending to a lackluster storyline

[crowley-the-1-true-king-of-hell]

It's not a betrayal

expose (one's country, a group, or a person) to danger by treacherously giving information to an enemy.

In hindsight we know that the consequences of the souls leaving Purgatory were a bit worse than we thought. But most of us just assumed Cas and Crowley would power up and that's that

At the time Cas didn't know that there would be a future of Leviathans and Dick Roman. So Cas wouldn't have thought he was exposing anybody to danger let alone the Winchesters. I feel like it has to be deliberately knowing that it's dangerous for it to be betrayal

Cas has also seen Crowley be an ally to the Winchesters in the past and genuinely had no reason to suspect that had changed until Crowley tried to kill the boys in 6.10, and I believe that episode along with 6.21 were factors in Cas' decision to get all the souls. The fear that Crowley would use those powers to kill Dean so Crowley can't have any of those souls

My point is that Cas didn't think there was any danger. When he did realize Crowley might not be so much as an ally to the boys as he used to be, Cas got what he needed to stop the apocalypse and once he had that Cas stopped Crowley from getting any of that power

Be gravely disloyal to

Okay like I could probably understand if Sam had a problem with it. Because Sam honestly has a problem with anyone working with Crowley just Sam being Sam you know

But Dean knows full well that working with Crowley is sometimes necessary and Cas notices if it's okay for Dean to go off with Crowley in "Two Minutes to Midnight" then why would Dean have a problem if he works with Crowley?

Cas had no reason to think it was disloyal when Crowley was literally their ally recently. Then when Crowley said it's better for him to be on the throne than another demon its like hmmm a demon who helped us stop an apocalypse or another demon? Gee which is the better option?

But if it wasn't bad why didn't Cas say anything? If he had nothing to hide?

1. When Cas tried to talk about the war. Dean told him blah blah blah Raphael

2. When Dean worked with Crowley in "The Devil You Know" he didn't ring Cas up to let Cas know he was working with Crowley because he didn't think it was a big deal. And why would Cas think it was a big deal to work with Crowley when he saw Dean do the same in "Two Minutes to Midnight"

3. Crowley actually wanted to invite Dean to join the operation. It was Cas who told Crowley that Dean can't be involved because he deserves the break. What we're doing can't be that bad if Crowley wanted to invite Dean?

By the time Dean found out and told Cas to stop, uh Cas had just thrown 50,000 souls at Raphael. Unless Dean had another plan to stop Raphael? Cas can't stop now as he's already thrown down the gauntlet. Does Raphael sound like the kind of person who would forgive and forget? The civil war had already started and until there is a clear winner, the angels on Cas and Raphael's side would go on killing each other

Maybe if Dean said something before Cas and Crowley's chat it would have been different. But at that point it's kinda too late now for Cas to just back down and Dean wasn't giving any other solutions

He lied about killing Crowley

Cas is trying to stop the apocalypse and trying to protect the boys because look Crowley made it very clear he was only going after the boys because he was afraid they were trying to kill him

So if the boys think Crowley is dead they won't feel the need to try and kill him which means that Crowley won't feel the need to kill them first to preemptively stop that from happening meaning that all of them are safe

Win win

[wexarexmadxhere-archive]

Castiel; Muse Info

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be. What -- what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer. Because the one thing I want... it's something I know I can't have. But I think I know -- I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being. It's in just saying it.”

Full Name;  Castiel Winchester Nickname; Cass, Cas, Chuckles, Huggy Bear, Sunshine, E.T. (by Dean), Cassie (by Balthazar and Crowley), Emmanuel, Clarence, Unicorn (by Meg), God's Chosen (by Angels and Demons), Commander (by Angels), Feathers (by Rowena, Crowley, and Pamela), Steve, God, Agent Beyoncé, James Novak, Angel of Thursday (by Crowley and God), Asstiel (by Metatron), Attack Dog (by Mick Davies), Winchester's purse dog, Cassandra (by Lucifer), Dr. Novak, Captain Sexy (by Cecily), Charles (in Hunteri Heroici), Handsome Angel (by Rowena) Face Claim; Misha Collins Gender; Male Pronouns; He/Him Marital Status; Single Sexuality; Pansexual Age; Ancient Date Of Birth; July 10 Occupation; Commander (formerly), Fallen Angel, Hunter (retired), Member of Team Free Will, Gas Station Clerk (as a human; formerly), Ruler of Heaven (briefly), Lucifer's Vessel (formerly), Leviathan Vessel (briefly) Residence; Unknown Species; Seraph/Angel/Human Family; Jack Kline (Son), Claire Novak (Daughter) & All the Angels (Brothers & Sister) Verses; None Side Note; Castiel’s bio is completely under construction, His main verse will not be canon at all, It will be that Dean had saved him and that Dean had not been killed either.  Biography; Castiel, often shortened to Cass, is a powerful angel of the Lord who was responsible for saving Dean Winchester from Hell, on the archangels' command. It was his job to help prevent Lilith from breaking the 66 Seals that, once broken, would release Lucifer from his cage in Hell. Once Castiel learned that the angels wished to free Lucifer anyway, he defied his angelic brethren and died trying to help Dean prevent Sam Winchester from breaking the last seal. After he was killed by the Archangel Raphael, Castiel was resurrected by God and joined Sam, Dean, and Bobby Singer in a quest to prevent the brothers from becoming the vessels of Michael and Lucifer. Castiel would later be killed by Lucifer but his actions allowed Sam to trap both Archangels away. With the Apocalypse averted, Castiel was again resurrected by God with new powers, being promoted to Seraph. He then started a civil war in Heaven to prevent Raphael from restarting the Apocalypse, Believing he could not be outsmarted by a demon, Castiel teamed up with Crowley to claim the souls of Purgatory. He ended up betraying Crowley and absorbing all the souls, resulting in his powers reaching a level much higher than that of an archangel, but at a high price: the powers that the evil souls granted him had went to Castiel's head, causing him to proclaim himself as the new God. As his body started to rot, Castiel later agreed on the advice of Dean to release the souls back into Purgatory. While seemingly successful, it turned out that the one of the most powerful entities from Purgatory, the Leviathans, held on to Castiel, and overpowered and took control of him.  When the Leviathans left to take over new forms, Castiel was presumed dead, but survived – apparently resurrected by God yet again. Dean later accidentally finds Castiel as an amnesiac healer called Emmanuel.[10] After taking on Sam's madness and experience in Hell in order to save the Winchesters and redeem himself for what he did to Sam, Castiel had become insane and fell into a coma. However, he awakens and his sanity is returned to an extent when a signal was sent to all angels upon the discovery of the Word of God and the appointment of a new prophet. He then aids the Winchester brothers against Dick Roman, only to be transported to Purgatory with Dean. While Dean comes back, Castiel has not returned with him. While his condition is initially unknown, it's revealed that he spent most of his time running from Leviathans and that he didn't escape Purgatory with Dean as he had planned to stay as a form of penance. However, he was eventually released from the monster realm by an incursion of angels under the orders of a mysterious but powerful angel named Naomi, rejoining the Winchester brothers and trying to become a hunter himself. But after a long while, Castiel learned that Naomi had been controlling him ever since she got him out of Purgatory and compelled him to find the angel tablet, at any cost, even going as far as killing Dean. After he almost did so, Castiel then teamed up with Metatron when the angel convinced him to help him close the gates of Heaven. So after collecting the heart of a nephilim and the bow of cupid, Metatron is eventually captured by Naomi but escapes and kills her, only for Cass to discover Metatron's betrayal and plan to cause all angels in Heaven, even the imprisoned ones, to fall to Earth. After being stripped of his grace by Metatron in order to expel all angels from Heaven, Castiel spends the next three months on Earth as a human. After being captured and tortured by an angel named Malachi, Castiel steals the grace of Theo and returns to his original status as an angel (previously being promoted to a Seraph). Castiel later assists Dean with expelling the angel Gadreel from Sam and heals Sam's wounds. After Dean leaves with Crowley to find a way to defeat Abaddon, Castiel also leaves to begin a search for Metatron and Gadreel while being pursued by other angels, and eventually killing rebel leader Bartholomew, he assumes command of his faction. However, a deception of Metatron's makes him lose his army; instead he teams up with angels Gadreel and Hannah to infiltrate Heaven and destroy the angel tablet, cutting off Metatron's power to allow Dean to kill him. Though successful, Dean and Gadreel are killed, while Castiel locks Metatron up. He then left Heaven as he didn't want to be a leader and was dying due to his burning-out grace before Crowley saved him with Adina's grace. He has since reclaimed the last of his own grace and restored to full power and being a Seraph once again. After the release of the Darkness and the trauma he suffered under Rowena MacLeod's spell, Castiel agreed to act as the vessel for Lucifer to walk the Earth once more so Lucifer could battle the Darkness. Castiel would remain Lucifer's vessel for months, only emerging briefly to save Sam's life and convince the angels to help against the Darkness. At the end of the conflict with the Darkness, Lucifer was exorcized from Castiel by the ancient being, leaving Castiel in control of himself once more. During this time, he finally found God, who returned to defeat the Darkness as well. After Lucifer was exorcized from him, Castiel would dedicate himself to finding the fallen archangel and locking him away, blaming himself for Lucifer being free upon the Earth once more. This task caused Castiel to reluctantly work closely with Crowley, who also desired Lucifer gone. Following Lucifer's apparent defeat, Castiel dedicated himself to hunting down Lucifer's son Jack, a dangerous Nephilim. After a battle with Dagon that resulted in Castiel's brief empowerment by the Nephilim fetus, Castiel became convinced of the child's supposed goodness and chose to become his protector and guide, forsaking the Winchesters in the process. While trying to lock Lucifer in an alternate reality, Castiel was killed once more by the Fallen archangel. Following his death, Castiel was then sent to The Empty, where all angels and demons go when they die, to sleep for eternity. He was awoken from his eternal slumber when Lucifer's son Jack called his name. He was soon expelled from The Empty by the realm's guardian, The Shadow, for interfering with the latter's slumber, refusing to sleep again, and demanding his release, allowing him to be resurrected as a result. Castiel soon reunited with the Winchesters and Jack to help them out in their hunter cases. He later met with Lucifer who returned from the other world and warned him about the invading Alternate Michael. While in debate over recruiting Jack, Castiel and Lucifer were captured by Asmodeus, with Castiel being used as a bargaining chip for the Winchesters. Castiel escaped and was betrayed by Lucifer who nearly killed him but he retaliated before the latter fled and Castiel returned to Sam and Dean to warn them about the impending threat. Castiel was also reunited with his brother Gabriel who wanted no part in the conflict as Castiel set out to locate him to get him to help in restoring Heaven. Very soon, Gabriel joins the team and after they capture Lucifer. They later travel to the Apocalypse World, and find Jack and Mary. The group is also aided by Lucifer after he escapes and decides to help out. Castiel evacuated with the others back to Earth but at the cost of Gabriel. They faced a new problem as Michael made his way there and Castiel finally met his enemy who tossed them aside. Jack wounds Michael, but then has his grace stolen by Lucifer. So Dean agrees to be Michael's vessel and kills Lucifer, at the cost of losing control of his body. At the beginning of season 14, Castiel is committed to finding Dean, who was possessed by Michael and disappeared after defeating Lucifer. He resorts to a demon, Kipling, who lures him into an ambush and uses Castiel as a bargaining chip to meet Sam and get his support to become King of Hell. Together, however, Sam and Castiel defeat Kipling and his henchmen. Dean is found, in full possession of his conscience and with no sign of Michael. Jack, however, begins to decline in health, having lost his grace earlier, and then dies. The Winchesters seek Lily Sunder to help resurrect Jack, and Castiel goes to heaven to find his spirit and bring him back to his body. Heaven, then, falls under attack from the Shadow, who wants to take Jack to the Empty. In order to stop him, however, Castiel convinces the Shadow to take him in exchange for Jack; the Shadow agrees, but says that he will not take Castiel's life until much later, when the angel will have forgotten their conversation and experienced a moment of happiness. Jack is resurrected and, with the help of Sunder's magic, he defeats Michael and consumes his grace, thus regaining his powers; during the battle, however, he had to burn out what was left of his human spirit, getting in a state similar to that of soulless humans, amoral and without emotions. In that state, he kills Mary Winchester, causing Dean to turn against Castiel, as the angel had hidden from him what'd happened to Jack. In the end, Chuck reappears and tries to manipulate the Winchesters and Castiel to kill Jack in a showdown at a cemetery, but the trio refuses, causing Chuck to personally smite Jack and Team Free Will to then attack him. Furious, Chuck opens up all closed doors of hell and lifts undead corpses from their resting ground, thereby causing the second apocalypse. The Winchesters and Castiel try to stand their ground against the zombies awakened by Chuck. They receive unexpected help from Belphegor, a heretofore unknown demon who, to Castiel's chagrin, is possessing Jack's dead body. To stop the ghosts from leaving the tear that Chuck opened on the surface of Earth, which leads to hell, and neutralize those who already made their departure, Rowena joins the group to perform a Book of the Damned spell, while Castiel and Belphegor descend to hell in search for Lilith's Crook, an instrument manufactured by the white-eyed demon that can suck in demons and ghosts who try to escape hell in disobedience. Castiel, who is suspicious of the demon, initially refuses to escort him back to hell, but is forced to do so by Dean, who still resents the angel and doesn't want him around. Castiel discovers Belphegor wanted his company so that he could read the Enochian incantation that can open the Crook's box, and that his plan all along was to use the object to absorb the spirits of hell into himself, become more powerful, and take over hell's throne. Castiel throws himself at Belphegor while he plays the instrument, smiting him so badly that Jack's corpse is burned to a crisp and the Crook is destroyed. Castiel manages to return to the surface of the Earth, and he tells Dean he couldn't let Belphegor fulfill the plan to suck in all of hell's souls, enraging Dean - against his friend. Since the Crook is gone, Rowena decides to cast a spell so that she can herself absorb the spirits inside her own body, dying in the process. The death of their witch ally further intensifies Dean's anger at Castiel, and in an argument at the bunker he throws in the angel's face that everything that goes wrong in the group's endeavors has been Castiel's fault. Tired of weathering the storm of his friend's moods, Castiel says that he is dead in Dean's eyes and so it is best that he moves on without the Winchesters. Later, he ignores Sam, who tries to contact him via phone messages. Castiel subsequently returned to the brothers to help them defeat God by grooming a resurrected Jack to become stronger. After the plan fails and they are chased by Billie, Castiel sacrifices him by confessing his love for his close friend and allows himself to be happy. This activates his deal with the Shadow who drags him and Billie into the Empty. He is later resurrected again by Jack after he becomes the new God, as Bobby Singer tells Dean that Castiel helped Jack to reshape Heaven for the better. Castiel's legacy has seemed to have become legendary among angels and demons alike, as many recognize him as the only angel who defied God's rules and cooperated with humans due to his own decision, which he is either loathed or respected for. He is also the only angel to have been killed, and been resurrected multiple times. He is the only known angel who has repeatedly been resurrected by God so he could help Sam and Dean Winchester.

[ananke-xiii]

Forgiveness&Finding oneself in Purgatory Take II

While their first stint in Purgatory was all about Dean unable to let Cas go and Cas wanting to let go of Dean to stay there and do penance, things seem to be reversed in Purgatory Take II.

I've written about "The Trap" some time ago, trying to make sense of what Cas says there and what the hell is going on. I still think something's off in this episode, specifically I think Dean's prayer is redundant and it should've been Cas the one saying something, or at least there should've been a reply from his end.

Maybe, following my imaginal psychology-influenced interpreation of Cas and Dean in Purgatory, I can answer my own question. What I've found is quite interesting, I'll be honest.

So. I've previously interpreted Cas' and Dean's relationship as a marriage of sorts: their vows are based on betrayal and it's indeed the constant shadow of betrayal that keeps their weird marriage alive. It's time for a divorce.

Yeah, a divorce. What, wasn't "The Trap" the moment of reconciliation between the two after their "divorce arc"? Not according to this interpretation I'm attempting. Let's see what's going on.

Dean and Cas are back in Purgatory and they're looking for a flower. "You know, of all the time I've been in Purgatory, I've never seen a bloom of any kind" Cas tells Dean. Interesting. Nothing that Cas knows of has ever bloomed in Purgatory. He adds that they'll know when they'll find it because "it's likely to be the only flower here". If I remember correctly there was someone that Dean was looking for when he was in Purgatory the first time... he was also the only angel there... Oh, yeah. It was Cas. But now Cas is there with Dean so who does the flower stand for? Oh, it's still Cas. They're AGAIN looking for Castiel.

The parallel is reinforced by Dean mentioning Benny. If you think that Dean was mean to Cas in "The Rupture" don't read further cause this is worse.

Dean and Benny looking for Cas and Dean and Cas looking for a flower. Let's go there

Dean compares Benny, his previous fellow in Purgatory, to Cas, his partner now and it's not pretty. According to Dean, Benny was the best. Benny is King of Purgatory by now. Benny sacrificed himself for Dean to save Sam. Benny always picked up the goddamn phone when Dean called. Benny saved Cas and stayed with Dean when he was looking for the angel. Benny, Benny, Benny.

If Amelia was Sam's Magical Girlfriend, Benny is Dean's Magical Boyfriend. Unlike Amelia, Benny was written waaaay better so his function is a little less blatant but he's also written as a projection of all the things Dean looks for in a partner. Benny is an ideal. Cas is real ("We're real").

Comparing someone to an ideal somone else is petty and Dean does so because he wants to hurt Cas. But Cas can be as petty as hurting as his husband. He wants Dean to feel guilty:

CAS: Well, this place will bring that out in you. Guilt. It was my fault the Leviathan got out. It was my fault we were here the first time. I carry that guilt every day.

or: while EYE carry THAT GUILT EVERY DAY, YOU, on the other hand, DON'T, so now that we're back in this wretched place that brings out guilt YOU should feel it because EYE have already apologized while YOU refused to hear it.

Cas is also the worst. They belong together perfectly <3.

And this brings us here, to the words Cas utters and that I couldn't fully get:

CAS: You didn't give me a choice. You couldn't forgive me. And you couldn't move on. You were too angry. I left, but you didn't stop me.

If Cas and Dean are re-living Purgatory 2.0 then they are re-living what happened there the first time: Cas let go of Dean after Dean had spent one year looking for him.

So what Cas is saying here is (following what I've already talked about in the first link I've attached here): You asked of me a relationship based solely on your terms which I reject. You couldn't let go that image of me, that person who betrayed you, so much so you couldn't even leave Purgatory without THAT person (who I am not). You were too focused on your need to keep control and take responsibilities which I refuse to take. I left you as soon as I stepped into Purgatory and yet you couldn't stop chasing me.

Ouch. Cas wants a divorce, guys. But he doesn't want a divorce from Dean but from their distorted marriage founded on betrayal instead of openly expressed love. In other words, Cas wants Dean to let him express his love, he wants love back from Dean and he wants to do it openly. It's a good divorce, you see?

And Dean gives it to him. He kneels and prays and forgives Cas, he let go of that idea of Cas that he was holding on to.

DEAN: No, no, no. Cas? Cas, I hope you can hear me... that wherever you are, it's not too late. I should've stopped you. You're my best friend, but I just let you go. 'Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong.

or: I should have stopped holding onto that image of you that I had, the one where you are my betrayer and I'm bound to you as your betrayed. You're my best friend first and foremost and I just let that first image of you go because it was easier than admitting my real feelings.

DEAN: And I – I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. I'm sorry it took me so long –I'm sorry it took me till now to say it.

or: I let you go. Of course I do, I've actually always done it in the secret of my heart and I'm sorry it took me this long to say it out loud to myself.

Wooooa. Now that's waaaay better. Dean agrees to Cas' divorce proposal. Consequently, Cas must give Dean something too because forgiveness, the resolution of the betrayal bond, cannot be simply given, there must be an exchange between betrayal and betrayed. The Power scale must result in a 0 on both plates or the experience of betrayal will repeat itself. In other words both parties must do an act of Love.

So what does Caa give to Dean? He gives him... himself. Wholly. A bit smudged, though.

See, while Dean was coming to terms with forgiveness, Cas was looking for himself (the flower/blossom). Instead of running away from the Leviathans aka The Monsters Inside Castiel, he let himself be taken. He accepts to go to their Queen (Cas and Queens... a love story. He's indeed The Man who Would Be King. Take that Dean, you and your King Benny, LOL. Cas becomes King by marriage like a true queen).

CAS: They were after me, not you. I figured it would be safest to give myself up.

In order to find himself Cas does The Surrender: he gave himself up to his literal and symbolical monsters. And in so doing something blooms: himself, new unabridged version. Again, a bit smudged because he's not the same powerful angel as he once was, his powers are failing but who cares? This is who he is and he offers himself to Dean, this is his act of love: take me as I am, smudged or not. I blossomed for you but I had to do it alone because certain things must be done alone but your forgiveness was what gave me the strength. Thanks for letting me go. I now come back to you free from our previous bond. This time our new bond is freely given by both.

In this light, Cas sort of silencing Dean was necessary and not because of his deal with the Shadow.

In between their Purgatory scenes we see what happens in an alternate timeline where Cas takes on the Mark of Cain, which is exactly why they're in Purgatory. The Mark is another bond. Cas accepted to take it because of Chuck.

If Dean took the further step he wanted to take, Cas had to turn him down: you either love freely and openly or you subject yourself to a Greater Power. You can only choose one bond.

If Dean had said what he wanted to say to Cas, they both couldn't accept the idea of Cas taking on the Mark: it's an idea incompatible with Love.

But now all the foundations are laid for Love to take center stage. Too bad that Dean didn't get his chance in "Despair" too. That was tragic and deeply unfair.

[f-t-e]

You know that amazing and perfect in every way fic adam bites the apple by @thursdaygirlgn that was written as an answer to "what would be the most insane combination of Dean and Cas to meet" (the fic is post-confession Dean and S4 Cas and it'll split you open, begging for more and I'd love to read 600 other fics proposing YOUR most insane combination.) well I was at my favorite board game shop and saw this collaborative miniature game has a SPN option which, sure, and this is one of the packs (I did not know it was pack 2, adding to my hilarious confusion) and it is the BUCKWILDEST RANDOM COMBO of characters and I had no context for the game so I started dying imaging a fic with this combo of characters: John, Bobby, JACK, and a Leviathan? Oh, DO go on!! Can you IMAGINE John trying to give Jack shit and Bobby being protective grandpa!??! I am dying here. Are they all stuck in Purgatory? Is some shit going wrong in heaven but oops Dean is universe hopping looking for Cas so these three go looking for him only they don't ALL know the WHOLE story?? I could go on and on!) (turns out Pack 1 is Sam, Dean, the Alpha Vampire and a Wendigo and we don't get Cas until Pack 3 when we get the AMAZING combo of Cas, Michael and Crowley, who in a delightful twist you can play as a good or a bad guy. The art on Dean is incredibly hot to me but what is going on with Cas and Sam lol - I almost wanna learn how to play this lmao)

[ghosthorse]

Leviathan!Cas being a slow burn big bad over the course of the first half of season 7 and having the confrontation with him be the mid-season finale. Leviathan stuff still happening in the first half of the season but Cas struggling for control while refusing to admit to Dean that anything is wrong because if he admits it then he has to admit he betrayed Dean for nothing. Dean, increasingly desperate, trying to convince cosmic allies to help. He begs Death to stop Cas somehow and when that last hail mary fails he binds Death. Cas finally admitting he needs help but Dean has spent months stewing in anger and doesn't want to forgive him. Cas dies and Dean is devastated because now he will never get to tell him. Dean hearing rumors about a healer and taking off to track him down, because he's desperate to find Cas. No one else believes this is Cas, they keep saying it's probably just some rogue angel who fled heaven's civil war. Dean spends weeks on the trail, making no progress on finding Cas or finding Dick until Charlie. He tells her a bit about Cas and her parting gift to him is where to find the healer. Dean follows her directions and sees Cas, and finally, FINALLY, he can tell him. But Cas doesn't remember him, and while Dean was looking for him he found Meg. At first Dean thinks Cas is being manipulated and lied to, but no, he knows Meg is a demon and has all along. He tells Dean that he recognized her true face and THAT hurts. It's like he betrayed Dean all over again but this time he didn't even do it on purpose, he wasn't even thinking about Dean. They're all on the run from the Leviathans, but Cas doesn't get his memory back right away. They finally find the magic bone (lol) and touching it counteracts some Leviathan magic or some shit. Cas gets his memory back. It's the night before their attack on the Leviathans. Cas has been avoiding Dean but he finds him and tries to apologize. He says I saw you raking leaves and you were finally at peace. I didn't want to disrupt that but instead of keeping you safe I hurt you and I put you in harm's way. I thought I was doing the right thing ny trying to handle it on my own but I was being selfish by not asking for help. I'm not sure what we could have done differently but at least we would have been together. And Dean says I don't know what the right move there was but I shouldn't have tried to boss you around and act like I had all the answers when I did find out because I was in over my head too. Dean tells him he forgives him. That Cas leaving him and going behind his back and refusing to talk to him made him so mad he couldn't tell him before. That watching Cas die before he could tell him that was worse than any of the months that led up to that moment. And that he doesn't want to leave anything unsaid again if they might die tomorrow. Cas says well in that case I should tell you that I love you.

They kill Dick and end up in Purgatory. Dean says well we beat these fuckers once on our turf. We can do it again on theirs. He takes Cas' hand and says together this time?

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Blood Brother: Final Part

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.4k

Warnings: canon angst and violence

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated.

You look at Dean and see him with blood on his face and clothes, and you're brought back to Purgatory once again.

"What the hell do you know about the value of life? You're a vampire," Dean snaps at Benny.

"Yep, and I think we both know which of our kinds kills more humans."

"Well, statistically speaking, that'd be your—"

"Yes, thank you, Cas," Dean glares at his angelic friend.

You put a hand on Castiel's shoulder as if it would bring him some kind of comfort.

"I get it. You're worried what I might do if we make it topside. I'll start eating your little piggies. I already told you, man, by the time I got iced, I was strictly on blood transfusions—donated blood. Not donated to me, I'll give you that, but I paid good black-market scratch for it."

"Why not go to a hospital and steal almost expired blood? It's not like they have any use for it," you shrug.

"I'll have to remember that for next time."

"If you even get a next time," Dean says. "So, what is that? Like the vampire zone diet?"

"Look, all I'm saying is I started seeing something in humanity, okay? Something that shouldn't be taken. I drink blood. I don't drink people."

"Why the hell should I believe you?"

"What does it matter what you believe? You got your head so far up your ass, Dean, you don't even realize we're already done for. The angel knows it. We are never gonna make it with him next to us glowing like a beacon."

"We're not leaving him," you say sternly.

"You're pregnant, Y/N. I can hear the heartbeat. You really want to stay here with a baby?"

"Do I need to remind you of our deal? Of what you committed to?" Dean steps in.

"He is gonna get us killed."

"We may get to test that theory," Castiel sighs.

"More monsters?" you groan.

"Leviathans."

"Great."

"Why don't you blip out of here?"

"They're too close. I can't run."

"Come on, we need to save Benny," you say.

You rip off a piece of cloth from a vampire's jacket and hand it over to Dean who wipes his face clean of any blood. He cleans his machete and slides it into the holster, motioning for you to follow him. You two sneak back into the main part of the house carefully. You believe you got all the vampires but Sorento and Andrea, but you don't know if either vampire was made aware of yours and Dean's presence.

The closer you get to the room Benny is in, the more you can hear their conversation.

"I suppose with you coming back from the dead--well, that's the definition of mutiny, isn't it? All of this has me feeling so tired," Sorento sighs.

"You should have let me go."

"Benny, I don't let things go."

"Really? You lived so long, how is it you have so little, hmm? Nothing but a beat-up old harpsichord and nest of hyenas."

"I have the sea, and I have Andrea."

"No. You don't have her." You peek inside the room to see Benny holding up a pair of handcuffs that Andrea must have taken off him. "At least that much I know."

"Oh, that dumb bitch. You're right, Benny. I've been here so, so long, seen all the outcomes, and all the patterns a trillion times. It all means so little. This universe is a pyramid of despair, nothing else."

"A little dark, don't you think?"

"I am evil, after all. At least I've had that much to keep me cold at night. You never had that, did you? Everything had to be thought about--considered."

"You know what Socrates said about a life unconsidered."

"Yes, but the thing we have in us? Benny, that's not life. That's what you still don't get. That's why it's always been so hard for you, my poor Benjamin."

Benny growls and lunges at Sorento, shoving him into a glass pane and causing it to shatter.

"Get up."

"This is the one last thing I can take from you," Sorento laughs with blood trickling down his nose.

"No. You try, damn it. You try and kill me again," Benny dares.

"This is my story, you gnat."

"Get up!" Benny screams.

"It ends the way I choose, not you."

Benny hauls Sorento to his feet by his collar.

"Well, at least I can finally show you something new, old man."

Benny uses his sharp nails to cut Sorento's head off. The older vampire didn't actually think that Benny would do this to him, which is why he wasn't prepared for it. You gasp and cover your mouth to silence yourself. And then there was one left. Speaking of Andrea, she comes into the room with a look of uncertainty in her eyes.

"The old man is dead. Let's go," Benny says and offers her his hand.

If he thinks she is coming back to the mainland with you and Dean, then he is sorely mistaken. She takes his hand, but she doesn't move from her spot.

"Where, Benny?"

"What are you talking about? Anywhere." Andrea looks down, and Benny realizes what she is trying not to say. "You're not leaving here, are you? You never were."

"We have everything we need right here. The operation is still perfect. We can ride the high seas and plunder together. We can have the life we always wanted."

"What I wanted was to leave a burning crater behind. I wanted to put your memory to rest."

"I'm not a memory. Benny, I'm right here."

"What I loved isn't here anymore. It was snuffed out a long time ago by monsters like me... like what you've become."

"You think you're better than me now?" she grows subtly angrier.

"No. I think we're all damned."

Andrea snarls just as her fangs descend. You rush into the room to save Benny, drawing out your magic like a sword. She is going to kill him if you don't do anything. You swing your sword like a baseball bat toward her neck, slicing off her head as cleanly as possible. Her body and head drop to the floor with a loud thud, and Benny stares at her.

"She was going to kill you, Benny."

"I know," he sighs.

Dean walks into the room with a tired look on his face. It's time to get off this island and face the wrath of Sam. There was no boat to take Sam to the island, so you know he will be waiting for you when you get there. You three walk out of the house and back to the boat. Dean helps you inside while Benny reaches for the rope.

"Why'd you do it, Dean?"

"Do what?"

"Resurrect me. You could have drained my soul into any culvert, and no one would have been the wiser."

"What the hell are you talking about?" When Benny doesn't answer, he turns to him. "Hey, are you good?"

"Man... I don't know what I am," he sighs.

Benny doesn't say another word as he unhooks the rope from the wooden pillar. Everyone else piles inside, and you set off back to the mainland. The entire ride is spent in silence with the occasional grunt coming from you due to being uncomfortable. Once you can see the shore, you spot Sam standing there with an angry look on his face. Joanna is in his arms and Zeus is sitting by his side.

Zeus sees you and Dean, and he wags his tail and barks happily. Dean throws the rope to Sam when he gets close enough, and Sam wraps the rope around his hand to hold it steady. You toss the bags onto the dock while Dean jumps out. He grabs your hand and helps you up, and you greet your daughter with a smile.

"Hey, baby girl."

You take her out of Sam's arms, and he ties the rope to a wooden pillar to stabilize the boat.

"I'm Benny." Benny offers Sam his hand, and Sam takes it. As soon as he does, he knows what Benny is. "Heard a lot about you, Sam."

As if he's moving in slow motion, Sam undoes the cover of a knife holster at his side. You immediately shake your head and touch his army to prevent him from harming Benny.

"Don't do it," you whisper to Sam.

"I can see you three have a lot to talk about," Benny says and lets go of Sam's hand.

Benny pats Dean on the arm as if to say goodbye, and he gently squeezes your shoulder. He steps between you and Sam before heading to his pickup truck. You and Dean look at Sam who has the worst bitch face he's ever given you two.

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