#loop plush countdown

[seraphimfood]

drawing loop everyday until my loop plush arrives day 2

[sprtruechara]

look at this only one official plush having loser. everyone point and laugh

[saphig-iawn]

New Year, New You

CW: non-con transformation

Despite the roiling buzz of the party you always seemed to be gazing over to her just as she turned her eyes to you. It felt like coincidence at first, like making multiple moments of eye contact with a stranger while waiting for something in a public place.

This moment, however, felt different. The moment your eyes met hers, you seemed to notice how the colours of her irises were a little more vivid. Your cheeks involuntarily blushed. You look away blinking quickly, as if to shake yourself free of a stupor and you made a bit of clumsy entrance into some festivities to distract yourself.

But no matter what you did, there was this... presence that wouldn't leave you. It felt like the room was shrinking with each passing moment, like the people at the party were just elaborate cutouts.

Prey stuck in the eyes of a predator.

Hiding among the long grass that was the buffet, you felt you were safe. A timid glass of punch in hand, you turned without looking and collided with someone.

The sting of embarrassment became a weight in your stomach as you clamour to apologise, and when you finally looked up, you saw her.

Everything went cold.

You couldn't help stare at the wet patch you had made on the bodice of her green satin dress.

Oh god you're just looking at her boobs now, what are you doing?! You panicked and began to pat her chest with a paper towel and- oh god now you're patting her breasts! Whatiswrongwithyouyou'remakingitworse-

You see her hand gently curl around your wrist.

You look up.

She simply hushes you.

Her eyes feel like they're looking into you, like their gaze is reaching through your eyes and into the you in your mind.

The panic ablates. The tremors calm.

"It was a little accident, don't worry darling", she croons.

Your mind tries to recount the accident, worsening it with each recollection, stuck in a bad recursive loop, but it all seems to slow. The longer you stare into her eyes, the easier it gets to just let that anxiety go.

"You've been quite the wallflower tonight, haven't you darling?" she continues.

The room begins to turn slowly, almost like its revolving around you. You wonder if the punch is hitting you, you remember how a 'friend' said they were going to spike it, but then your body begins to sway, almost rhythmically.

"You ok there, darling? Anyone in there?" she teases.

You shake your head and blink and realise that you were actually being walked away from the buffet by the woman in the green dress, not that something unwanted was getting into your bloodstream.

There's a strange feeling of.. disconnection? Delay? Like you thought you were still being walked when suddenly the plush softness of couch cushions rise up to meet your behind.

You felt like a marionette being guided; your body unresponsive but weightless. There was a bewilderedness stopping words from leaving your lips.

"You poor thing, you look quite ready to be done with this year, don't you?"

Those words felt like a warm hand cradling your cheek. A sigh involuntarily wisps from your lips.

"Oh I know darling, it won't be long. New Year, new you, and all that-" she smiled. God it was such a warm smile. "you've said that to yourself a lot haven't you, darling?"

A little weight manifests in your stomach. Misplaced guilt at the expectations of making New Year's resolutions. You never really subscribed to them, but the pressure from everyone else making them felt like it was a thing you had to do.

"I know that feeling too darling, perhaps we could welcome in this New Year with something a little better, hmm?"

She held your hand in hers, at the strike of people beginning to countdown.

10!

She takes your other hand.

9!

You sink into her eyes

8!

She smiles with a deep warmth.

7!

You feel you can't look away.

6!

Her gaze pierces deeper

5!

You can't look away.

4!

Her warmth spreads into you.

3!

You can't move.

2!

You can't tell where her warmth ends and yours begins.

1!

She gives you a single wicked wink.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

You feel her pull at your hand. The room cartwheels around you. Your head prepares for the dizziness but its strangely absent. You crash into the warmth of her embrace and are unable to pull yourself away. It feels like the moment you crash onto your bed after a long shift.

Your vision remains stuck at the middle distance, her green satin shoulder almost filling half of it.

You hear a different voice come from behind you.

"Awww, is someone a bit too drunk, huh?", the voice teased.

"Yes, the poor thing, barely able to move. I'm going to call a ride." the woman in green responded.

With little effort she lifts you up off the couch and drapes your arm over her shoulders, and moves towards the exit.

The cheering dies down to a low distant rumble. The sound of the woman's shoes echo slightly. The corridor you were being lead down stops beneath your dragged feet.

You feel a warmth blossom under your jaw as your vision swings to face a mirror.

"There we are darling, a New Year, a new you!" the woman chuckled.

Your eyes can't help but drink in your reflection, mainly because they can't do much else, not even look around.

You saw you, but your clothes seemed to hang a little looser, like something changed underneath. The woman's hand cradling your jaw gently moves your head.

'I'm... a... doll...?' your mind attempts to think. The thought is excruciatingly slow. Like a single droplet of water dangling beneath a faucet.

"You don't have to worry about much any more, now. I'll take good care of you darling."

You feel her press her cheek against yours, her reflection just entering your peripheral vision.

"You're going to look so good in my collection..." she trails off as she continues to take you down the corridor to goodness knows where.

As the pattern of the carpet rolls across your vision like scan lines on an old television, your mind can't help but ponder over that word...

'Coll... ec... tion...?'

(If you would like to see more fiction writing like this, then please support me over at https://ko-fi.com/saphig, where you can also commission 1-on-1 hypnosis sessions and your own kinky short story just like this!)

[kerplunkmedia]

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[luna-redamancy]

hiya could i possibly ask for another part for the pippin series please

if not no worries😊

Hello! For some reason I was thinking I already made a final part..? but I didn't. Soooo! I hope you enjoy this!

Part one

Part two

You don’t recall when you got in bed, or when you fell asleep, but you must have somehow gotten yourself into bed the night before. The plush sheets and snuggly comforter that once brought you great comfort didn’t feel too comforting, as you stared at the ceiling and listened to Pippin make what you assumed to be his breakfast. 

Louie was making gentle growls of affirmation after Pippin spoke, his words not reaching your ears, but a gentle murmur did. 

“Maybe if you would have realized you are my everything, you wouldn’t feel the need to ask.” Pippin’s words replayed in your ears as you began to fidget with the blanket, rolling on your side to stare at the wall. You didn’t know what to do. 

A part of you felt happy to know your affections were returned, but another part of you realized how much you lost last night. 

Tearing up again, you slammed your eyes shut in the hope to save yourself from another bout of crying when your thoughts were interrupted by a gentle knock, followed by Louie’s snout sniffing the bottom of your bedroom door. 

Confusion overcame you in waves as you shoved the comforter off you, feeling exposed without its comfort. Reaching over to your desk you grabbed a hoodie and quickly threw it on, a safety blanket if you will. 

“Coming,” Your voice sounded thick and it made you wince, you didn’t mean to sound so sad. 

Pausing at the door, you began a mental countdown as you wiped your face. 

‘3…2…1,’ 

You opened the door with a little too much strength, the wood almost smacking against the wall but instead, you stopped its force with your hand. 

Louie instantly ran into the room, jumping into your bed as you stared at Pippin who in turned stared at you. 

Pippin gulped, looking away from your face and down to the plate in his hands. 

“I…I made you breakfast…” His voice was barely above a whisper as he held out the plate to you, not daring looking up from the breakfast potatoes he honed in on. 

“Oh,” You looked at the food, feeling your heart warm. Eggs just how you liked it, potatoes, toast, sausages, and bacon. A breakfast fit for a hobbit, you could hear it now, just like yesterday morning before all of this went to shit.   

“I…” You didn’t know what to say as you looked at his face, a frown taking hold of your mouth when you saw him nervously biting at his lip. You missed when he smiled. 

“Thank you,” You murmured, carefully taking the plate out of his hands. 

“I wanted to apologize,” He said the moment the plate left his hands. “You were just trying to help and I… I..” Pippin sighed through his nose and looked to the ceiling, his eyes becoming glassy. 

“I’m sorry,” He chose to say, but as the words fell past his lips they felt like an empty way to have an ‘out’ for his behavior. Not enough to convey how he felt like his love was unrequited and how the hurt gripped at his soul when he thought of living without you. 

“I’m sorry too,” You kept your eyes on the melting butter slowly becoming translucent on your toast, “I should have kept you in the loop about what I was working on, maybe then I would have known–”

“I didn’t make it known,” Pippin interrupted you, making you drag your gaze from the plate to his eyes. 

“I didn’t tell you I wanted to be here with you, I didn’t tell you how much I cared for you, I didn’t tell you how I forgot about going back to the Shire,” He felt like he was vomiting the words. 

“I didn’t tell you that I love you, and when you brought home that spell, all I kept thinking was that I’d never be able to and that you didn’t care to hear it,” Pippin’s voice drifted off as a lone tear slipped out of his eye. 

“And I.. I am so sorry. I just wanted to tell you that before I packed my things,” 

“What?” Your heart began to race as he nodded, pulling out a taped piece of paper from his pocket. The spell. 

“I am also sorry for all the grief I have caused you,” He sniffled, rubbing his thumb over a rough edge of a piece of tape that wasn’t quite on the paper. 

“Pippin, no,” You shook your head, putting the plate on your dresser and pulling him into a hug. 

“No,” You murmured before holding him tighter, relishing in the way his arms wrapped around your body and held you close to him. 

“I don’t want you to go,” Your words were muffled but he heard them as clear as a bell, eyes widening. “As I told you yesterday, I didn’t want to be selfish, I didn’t want you to leave but I didn’t want to take you from things that I thought made you happy,” You were tearing up again as he rubbed soothing circles on your back. 

“And now I feel that way more than ever because… Pippin, I love you as well,” The silence that met your ears was deafening, making you slam your eyes shut. Maybe he said all of those things to get a reaction out of you, maybe he- 

His grip on you tightened and he inhaled shakily. “Say it again,” Pippin sounded like he was on the edge of crying himself, “Please.” 

“I love you, Pippin,” You felt his body push into yours as he relaxed, relief flooding his veins and his face pushing into your neck. 

“Stay?” You felt the need to ask. You couldn’t see it, but you could feel the movement of his hair as he frantically nodded. 

“I will always stay, as long as you let me.”

“Well, it looks like you’re stuck with me forever then, Pippin,” You lightly joked as the two of you remained embraced in the doorway. 

Forever Tag

@lady-of-lies @all-things-fandomstuck  @fizzyxcustard @izzydaelleth @aquaangel18 @raindancer2004 @love-colorfulglittercollection @ladylouoflothlorien​ @ten-tenya-iida ​​ @legolaslovely​ @bthtallmadge2​ @abesottedlass @wilhelmyna @tigereyesf​ @aspookybunny @keijibum @moony-artnstuff @sirkekselord @guardianofrivendell @fluffymadamina @izbelross @fandomhoe101 @acahope311 @kitkatd7 @mooseetx @themerriweathermage @elvish-sky @bitter-sweet-farmgirl @laurfilijames @frequentlychangingfandoms @cameronsails @linasofia @starryeyedrogue  @shethereadinghobbit @beenovel @onlystarshere @fckmini @spidergirla5 @i-did-not-mean-to @lathalea @myselfandfantasy @strange-old-worlds @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore @broken-ghost @mbruben-stein @tschrist1 @hai-kbai

Pippin- 

@starryeyedrogue 

[firethatgrewsolow]

could u maybe right a modern mitch and rob snippet?

Here’s something I’ve been playing with. Not polished but hope you enjoy it! Thanks for the ask! 💖

Michelle flinched at the soggy snap emanating from the fireplace, her eyes shifting to the stacked wood inside of it. The maple was doing its best to burn, but only managing a steamy sizzle. Not dry enough. She didn’t hear Robert as he crept into the well worn living room.

“I made some tea for us.”

Smiling, she cupped the warm mug he offered. Michelle loved moments like these. No road, no chaos, no press, just the two of them. As he settled beside her, she admired the lines on his handsome face, like she’d done a thousand times before, each one a badge of honor for navigating yet another loop around the fishbowl. There were a lot of loops. But she had her share as well, and had earned them as justly as he had … mainly via the fact that she’d not done away with him. Thus far, anyway, she mused with a snicker.

Robert’s head tilted, his mouth curving. “Penny for your thoughts. What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing.” Michelle sipped her chamomile, savoring the flavor. He’d remembered to add the vanilla. “I don’t know … you, me … us?”

“We do make quite a pair, don’t we?” Robert crossed his legs, reclining into the plush sofa. “Do you miss the fishbowl?”

“Good God, you can read my mind.” She patted his thigh, snuggling closer. “And to answer your question, good God, no.”

“Not even one tiny shred of it? The madness, the adventure …” he trailed off, meeting her gaze with a smirk. “The adoring crush?”

Michelle rolled her eyes. “You forget, my love, the adoring crush, as you put it, was for you. Not me.”

“Ah, but I only ever returned the adoring crush to you.”

“Do you really want to go down this road?” Her brow lifted. “It’s a bit bumpy, if I recall correctly.”

Robert nibbled his lip. “I suppose we’ll, um, stick to the regular route.”

“Good idea.”

Robert raised his mug, tapping it against hers. “I’m full of good ideas.”

“You’re full of something, that’s for sure.”

“You always could see through me.” He clasped her hand, gracing it with a soft kiss. “What a gilded web we’ve woven together. And here we sit. I’m a lucky man.”

Michelle recognized his tone. The countdown to a lazy vinyl Sunday was on. She wasn’t averse to it, although it did mean that the barn repair would have to be put off. Robert wasn’t one to procrastinate, and she had to ask herself why he didn’t just hire out the job, but in truth, she was well aware of the answer. His aspirations to be a “simple farmer” were second only to those of Mr. Bonham. Except for Robert, it was a cloak or a veil, a construct to neutralize the tumult of his alter ego - The Golden God, the superstar, the icon, the list was endless. As was his acute compulsion to broadcast his lack of fascination with it. Michelle knew better, though. If there was one thing Robert adored the most, it was being adored. She snorted, noting his eyes narrowing as she tried to stifle it.

“Well, something seems rather amusing. Care to let me in on the joke?”

Michelle gently waved off the question. “I’m just in my head.” 

“And what a pretty little head-”

“It is,” she finished with a chuckle. “Do you remember that day? In New York?”

“How could I forget?” Robert brushed a pearly wisp from her forehead. “It was the first time I called you my girlfriend. Although I preferred the term paramour or … wait, concubine, I think.” He frowned mightily. “That was before you ruined me, leaving a downtrodden, hopeless soul doomed to wander aimlessly for the rest of my days a heartbroken shadow of a man.”

“You certainly haven’t lost your flair for the dramatic.”

Robert grinned. “What can I say? It’s a gift.”

“Gift and curse are not synonyms, darling.” They shared a quiet laugh at the remembrance. “Oh, I meant to tell you that Pat called. She and John should be here for lunch in about …” Michelle glanced at the mantle clock, “thirty minutes or so.” She cut her eyes at him. “And he wants his kit back. He knows it’s in the barn. The ruse is up.”

Robert cackled. “I told him I sold it on EBay.”

She shook her head, depositing her tea on the coffee table. “And don’t forget to make arrangements to postpone the Morocco trip. Bella texted me this morning that the baby’s due even earlier than they thought.”

At the mention of the newest Plant family addition, Robert beamed. “We’re going to be great-grandparents. Can you believe it?”

“Not really.” Michelle expelled a slow breath. “Time is such an odd thing, isn’t it? At first, it seems like a whole eternity is in front of you, and then all the sudden, it’s behind you.” She smiled as Ari lumbered into the room, their beloved blue eyed merle. “Look at Ari. Even Strider would’ve been a great-grandfather.”

“Not Ari, Aragorn the second,” Robert corrected.

“Right. So regal. Such royal lineage.” Michelle scratched the collie behind his ears. “You’re from good stock, Aragorn. Your great grandfather was famous.” She glanced at Robert as he took his turn with the pup. “I’ve never asked, but did you mean to misspell Bron-Yr-Aur on the record?”

“Christ, who knows? There was a lot going on in days of yore. And some of it might have been a bit mind-altering,” he added, snickering.

“Some of it?”

“We weren’t complete heathens. We had our moments of lucidity.” Robert shrugged. “Occasionally, anyway.”

Michelle sat back, her mind wandering. “Do you ever regret not buying it? Bron-Yr-Aur?”

“I’m not sure.” Robert pursed his lips, stroking his beard. “I don’t believe so. I largely try to avoid regrets.”

“So I’m told, Mr. Plant.”

His chuckle gradually waned. “I suppose there are times when I think about it. The cottage … that spring. It was such a, well, you know what it was. I’ve told you a million times.”

“Tell me again,” she whispered, squeezing his hand.

He pecked the tip of her nose. “We were babies. It was right before we met.”

“A year before we met.”

“Good Lord, woman, at our age a year’s ten bloody minutes.”

Michelle swatted the curly silver locks spilling out over his shoulder. “Speak for yourself, you old bugger.”

Robert laughed, his eyes growing as misty as the craggy ridge they’d hiked the prior evening. “Sometimes it feels like yesterday, and sometimes it feels like another lifetime.” He cupped her chin, caressing her cheek. “But yeah, I do think about it.”

[geewithluv]

◁ Thursday in April▷

Ｐａｉｒｉｎｇ：Jung Hoseok X Fem!Reader

Ｇｅｎｒｅ：angst with a happy ending

Ｗａｒｎｉｎｇｓ：miscarriage and sadness associated with it.

Ｒａｔｉｎｇ：PG-13

Ｗｏｒｄ Ｃｏｕｎｔ：2.1k

It was just past one in the morning on a Thursday in April when the sunny persona Hoseok had been known for vanished. It was so far gone that anyone who had never met Hoseok would’ve thought he was always so cold. He had spent so long reading every pregnancy and parenting book he could get and keeping in mind the fact that after the first 12 weeks, the risk of miscarriage goes down significantly. So why at 16 weeks was he no longer a dad-to-be?

Why had life decided to be so cruel to him after being so giving? Maybe it was some form of balance. If he was allowed to live a dream life touring the world with his 6 best friends – his found family – and making people everywhere so happy then he couldn’t also have a happy family of his own. He would trade everything BTS gave him if it meant he didn’t have to sit in a hospital room watching his wife get an ultrasound and the room fill with silence. Fill with the absence of a heartbeat.

He watched, in shock, as a doctor tried to tell them that these things just happen sometimes. That there wasn’t a real reason so they couldn’t blame themselves. Y/N cried so hard she ended up hyperventilating before nurses gave her some medications to calm down and eventually fall asleep. That was the first of many nights that Hoseok spent awake just thinking.

They go home in the morning. Hoseok turned his phone on for the first time since reaching the hospital to a flood of notifications. Maybe sending a simple ‘she miscarried’ to the group chat and turning his phone off wasn’t a good idea, he thinks. Y/N didn’t turn her phone on. Her lock screen was from a maternity shoot they did, and it made her emotional on days when her hormones were acting up so there’s no telling how she’d react now. Knowing the date on the picture was just a random day and no longer a countdown to the most exciting moment of their lives.

Hoseok ignores all the messages, missed phone calls, and voicemails as he opens the group chat again. ‘We’re home’ is all he sends. He mutes all notifications and decides how to tell his parents. Y/N already told her own parents, she called from Hoseok’s phone and they were going to come over ASAP, the insisted despite her kind heart not wanting to worry them with the travel. Hoseok toyed with the idea of just pretending everything was fine and not telling his parents. He knew a vague text to his mother wouldn’t be the right choice. He had to call.

Pacing around the living room, Hoseok tries to steady his breathing. Y/N sleeping in their bedroom, far enough away that she can’t hear him walking back and forth. Under normal circumstances, she’d scold him for ‘wearing down the wood flooring’. They were told she’d be very tired as her body recovered. He’s slightly comforted by that. She isn’t crying or in pain when she’s sleeping.

He calls his mother like ripping a band-aid. It’s ringing before he knows he’s even done it.

Her voice comes through so excited and all the work he had done to calm down is worthless in a moment as he recognizes she’s expecting some good news.

“Eomma…” His voice quivers. She knew right then something was truly wrong. “Y/N miscarried.” The words he hadn’t said aloud yet. He swears he feels his heart shatter. He doesn’t really hear what his mother says to him. Something with the purpose of being comforting, laced with her own sorrow.

“Do you want us to come over?” She asks.

“No.” Yes. She knows what he means.

“I’ll arrange a trip now.”

He resists the urge to throw his phone after hanging up. Anger is part of grief, he remembers. He didn’t want to remember. But he did. Walking to his bedroom, he regrets the decision to make the nursery the room before the master bedroom and not the room after it. He stands, gazing at the closed door for a good 5 minutes as if held more than unused furniture now tainted with happy memories of a child that will never use it.  

“Hoseok…” Her voice breaks his trance as she stands in the doorway of their bedroom. Her eyes are puffy, her cheeks are a blotchy red color, her hair is falling out of the lopsided bun she put it in the night before. He clears his throat before speaking.

“Do you need more Tylenol? The doctor said warm showers can help the pain.” He tries to remember everything he was told. Y/N shakes her head, a sad smile on her face as she sniffles. She could see how hard he was breaking, and she could see how hard he was trying to pretend he wasn’t. It only broke her heart more.

“Come hold me.” Her voice is soft. “Please.” Hoseok closes his eyes for a moment, trying not to cry, trying to be strong. He nods and shuffles over to her, prompting her back into the bedroom.

“Do you want –”

“I just want my husband to hold me.” She cuts him off as she gets into bed. Hoseok lays down beside her and pulls her into his side.

“My parents are coming over and yours said they’d call when they land.” He speaks softly, afraid that if he speaks any louder, he’ll scare the tears into dropping down his cheeks.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” It. It. It. The miscarriage. The ‘it’.

He mutters an apology.

The visits from their parents come and go quickly. Y/N stayed in bed most of the time, leaving Hoseok to try and be somewhat of a host. No one expected him to be though. Their family mainly cleaned up, cooked some food, took care of whatever needed to be done. Including box up some baby-related items hanging around. They made sure to do that while the couple was not around. As moving a plush toy had sent Hoseok into a fit that ended with him crying into his mother’s shoulder.

They had a couple of dinners together, only a couple though. Both were just to force Y/N to socialize. Telling her that isolating will only hurt her further. Hoseok’s father took to constantly reminding him that he needed to be strong for Y/N. That her mind and her body were both unwell at the moment. Only a passing comment of acknowledgment for Hoseok’s own mental state during this time. ‘Please take care of yourself too.’ He reassures his father that he’s fine. But his father never saw him smile in the week he was there. Not even a fake smile to reassure his parents, the ones they always saw through but pretended not to. His lips never moved more than the few words he spoke required. Y/N’s parents stay a couple of days longer than Hoseok’s but soon the couple are alone.

The other members checkup frequently. Mostly showing up to the door since neither was very good at answering texts or calls. Bang PD even comes by a few times over the next couple of weeks. TXT even makes a couple of rounds. But quickly, it’s been a full month since that Thursday in April.

Hoseok had only had 4 full nights of sleep in the past month. All were because of medication which he decided he didn’t like. He said he hated how he felt when he woke up. When asked how it made him feel he withheld giving an extended answer. Refreshed. That’s how it felt to wake up after 8 hours of sleep. And he hated it. How could he feel refreshed when he just lost a child. When his wife began therapy. When his band was put on a break. How could he let himself feel refreshed? So, he didn’t take the meds. Said they were for tour anyway, when the jetlag was really bad. No one pushed further.

30 whole days later, Y/N was smiling. No one really knew if it was genuine. It reminded Hoseok of when they announced their relationship and through all the hate and death threats, she still smiled saying it didn’t outweigh their love. Everyone believed her until she broke down at the BigHit building when a specific death threat was too concerning to let her walk around without security.

Hoseok didn’t believe these smiles. Not for a second. He couldn’t believe she was truly enjoying the warm May sun on her face and the sound of birds singing outside their home. He couldn’t – wouldn’t – believe it.

Namjoon takes her to therapy. He hangs around the area to pick her up when it’s over. She was scared to drive herself and Hoseok wouldn’t go. Thus, Namjoon decided to take her to and from her appointments twice a week and come in to check on Hoseok after.

Hoseok didn’t appreciate it. He’d much rather everyone leave him alone. Including his wife whose smiles only infuriated him.

One and a half months after that Thursday in April, all the boys come over with food. Hoseok is in the home studio. He says he’s working on music, but Y/N has passed by a few times and only heard the sound of their baby’s heartbeat on loop. They hadn’t all come over as a group in a while. Usually individually or a couple at a time. They decided all 6 at once could be overwhelming. Y/N tries to assure them that Hoseok is still grieving, but he’ll be okay, and he’ll be back to himself soon. She says this partially for her own benefit. She’s not sure if she believes it and the guys are unsure as they see her eyes tear up before she’s even finished talking. She thanks them for coming over, making sure to go over some cooking instructions with Seokjin before they leave.

Shortly after the door closes, Hoseok comes into the kitchen. She doesn’t know if he just had good timing or if he had been lingering. She gives him a quick smile.

“The guys came over.” She tells him, but she knows he’s aware. The doorbell is very loud, and so are 6 men walking into your home. He mutters a response. “They miss you.” She sticks a dish in the fridge and starts unwrapping the warm one Seokjin made for that day. His willingness to cook is a blessing, Y/N thought every time he made sure their fridge was full.

“That’s nice.” The most common phrase over the past 6 weeks.

“I miss you.” Y/N looks up, meeting his eyes. He tilts his head slightly in confusion. It’s the most emotion she’s seen from him since that Thursday in April.

“I’ve been here.” His voice is monotone. She shakes her head, pressing her lips together in a thin line, taking a deep breath as tears already build up in her eyes.

“I miss…my husband. I miss the sunshine personified. I miss the man I fell in love with. I miss Hoseok. I want Jung Hoseok. Not this shell of a human that sits at the foot of our bed all night long.” She sobs with a bitter laugh as she thinks about how crazy she must sound. “I’m in pain, so much pain. And I know you are too. I can see it in your eyes how hard this is. But we can’t keep doing this.”

“I’m sorry.” Tears fall from his eyes. Y/N isn’t sure she’s actually seen him cry since that Thursday in April. She tells him not to be sorry. Mouthing words as she can’t get her vocal cords to make. He takes her hands. “I’m sorry I haven’t been the supportive husband I promised I’d be. You wanted a family so bad. We wanted a family so bad. And…I couldn’t give that to you. I failed.”

“All I ever wanted…is right here in front of me.” She cups his face in her hands, making sure he sees the sincerity in her eyes. “You didn’t fail. Don’t ever think you’ve failed.”

“How do we fix this?” He questions. “Tell me we can fix this…” He begs her.

“I have an appointment tomorrow. We can start there.” She suggests, he nods. “I love you.” Hoseok kisses her lips for the first time in a month and a half.

FIN. Reposted

[chrismdthings]

a lifetime of laughter

pairing: chris dixon x reader warning(s): none note: by far one of my favorite things i have ever written / 4,890 words

Years Later 

When Chris told you he wanted to do something different for New Years Eve, you weren’t exactly sure what he had in mind. In the previous years you and Chris had spent the day various ways in various cities and locations- once in Bratislava watching the fireworks over the Danube River, one in a Stratford Halo party with your friends, and the other at home as you two fell asleep at ten thirty. So any idea that Chris had would be new to you. Maybe you two could escape to NYC and take in the insane ball-drop when midnight hits, maybe it could be a small gathering at a friends and set off fireworks in the garden, or maybe it could be a night in to countdown in the living room while drinking wine and sharing a kiss before falling asleep in the comfort of being together.

When the day was nearing close, right after Christmas, Chris finally told you his plan. Two years ago you two gushed about wanting to go somewhere new and somewhere different to ring in the New Year, and you had talked about one place in particular- Paris. Even though you two lived in Jersey, just one ferry away to France, you fell in love with the New Years celebrations in Paris; the people, the fancy champagne, fireworks at the Eiffel Tower as it dazzled in lights, and the chocolate, papillottes that pop like firecrackers when you tear off the wrapping; it was incredible in your eyes.

As Paris was just one short flight away, Chris booked two tickets and a hotel in the city for the three-day weekend celebrations. The plans of dinner on a boat along the Seine River, climbing to roof tops and admiring the view of buildings and streets below, a show at Moulin Rouge, exploring and admiring the art in The Louvre, all of those ran through Chris’ mind. 

In the early years of your and Chris’ relationship, you two were taking a lot of holidays and random adventures together. You two took trains across southern France one summer, drove through the country side of Spain, took a bus through Italy, and various other locations. Sadly the past few years had been lacking any sort of rush of adventure- you had completed your time at university after four years and scored a job that kept you in close ties with Jersey, and Chris found it hard to have free time as his Youtube career was staying steady.

So with every single cent of money Chris had saved for the past two months, he was going to make sure the New Years Eve trip was absolutely worth it. 

While your friends ushered off to Rio, Miami, and even Australia, you and Chris left on the last week of December on a flight to Paris with nothing but two suitcases and bright smiles.

You and Chris arrived in Paris just two hours later, landing at the airport to be whisked away in a cab to your hotel, the Shangri-La Hotel Paris. It was one of the hardest places to book in the city during the holiday season, but as Chris promised, he was “on top of his game.” The Shangri-La Hotel was incredible- just outside of the city, mosaiced columns and thick greenery wrapped around the gate outside that complimented the iron-wrought balcony’s to each room with overflowing baskets of red flowers. It was overwhelming, and the fact that you were staying there was hard to wrap your mind around.

“Welcome to Paris.” Chris hummed, placing a hand on your lower back, causing you to smile at him before walking inside to the lobby with your bags in hand.

The lobby had grand marble floors, thick columns carved with architecture held up the tall ceiling, and nearly everything was gold or had a golden trim. Everything about the Shangri-La reeked elegence and wealth. 

You followed behind Chris to the front desk where he checked them in to their room, right on the top floor with a suite. When the receptionist said the word “suite” you felt all of the air suck out of your lungs like someone punched you in the throat.

“Christopher,” you whispered, grabbing his elbow to catch his attention. Chris, with his credit card in hand, turned you and quirked a brow. “Suite?”

“The imperial suite.” He corrected with a grin, sliding his credit card along the marble counter and to the receptionist. 

Once the receptionist took the card, you huffed, knowing there was now no turning back. “You didn’t have to do that. We could have stayed in one of the regular rooms.” 

As the receptionist typed in Chris’ information, he smiled and guided his arm around your shoulders. “I wanted us to have the best holiday, for you.” He insisted, looking down at you. You watched his eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips and then back up. “Just trust me.” You stubbornly nodded and he pecked your lips before finishing the check in.

After checking in and getting the room key, you and Chris took the lift up to the very top floor of the hotel. Each second you pictured the room awaiting for you- you wondered if the trim was going to be gold like the rest of the hotel, or if there was a large balcony. Stepping off the lift, Chris scanned the key, letting the scanner turn green before he opened the door and you two stepped in.

Pulling your suitcase behind you, you stepped into the imperial suite and nearly choked on your spit.

“Chris..”

The suite had a large main room with suede sofas, a large glass table, and a diamond chandelier dripping from the ceiling. Even the bedroom was huge- a large king sized bed with a plush white duvet and dozens of pillows, several chairs and wrap-around windows with a perfect view of Paris. Hell, even the bathroom was nice- luxury bath with jets and a television emitted on the glass above the bath. 

It was too much.

“Don’t you say a thing.” Chris said, walking up behind you and wrapping his arms around your torso. You huffed and shifted in his arms, turning around to face him. “It may be too much, or a little bit extra, but that doesn’t matter. I told you I would make this the best holiday we have ever been on.”

You shook your head as a laugh tempted your lips. “It’s just.. insane.”

“I know, I know.” Chris chuckled, tilting his head back to look through the windows to the rooftops and of buildings around them. The Eiffel Tower is within a perfect distance and broad in the horizon. He smiled and looked back at you. “Do you like it?”

“Do I like it? Chris, I’m in fucking love with this room, not to mention this city.” You laughed, sliding your arms around his neck to rub the space between his shoulders. “But we could have stayed in some random hostel and I would been just as happy to be here with you.”

Chris grinned before tipping his head down and letting his lips meet yours. You smiled against his lips as he kissed you, and when he tightened his grip on your hips, you felt him guide you back and then you fell onto the plush duvet.

Chris fell on top of you, causing you both to laugh when your bodies bounced on the mattress. You loved the sound of his chuckles- it gave you a sense of warmth and comfort.

“We have dinner reservations in two hours.” Chris said after glancing at the watch on his wrist, and then pecking your lips before guiding his lips across your cheek to your jaw. 

You teetered your head back and forth, a teasing grin finding its way onto your lips as you ran your fingers along his jaw. “I can think of something we can do to waste time.” 

“Oh really?” Chris grinned, looping an am around your waist and pulling you flush against him. “Because I have something in mind too.”

The first two days in Paris flew in the blink of an eye. 

After arriving and christening the suite the first day, you and Chris got dressed in fine suits and a gown for dinner. He had surprised you with a dinner cruise along the river- the two of you sitting on the lower deck at a white-clothed table, smiling while sipping wine and eating the finest French dinner before sneaking off to the upper deck to admire the view from the front of the boat. You two stood at the front boat with his arm tucked around you, admiring the view of the buildings and the sunset as the boat gently carried under bridges and through the water.

The second day was filled with exploration. Waking up early that morning, you two set out for the entire day dedicated to sight-seeing and learning. 

You and Chris roamed through The Louvre and admired the art, in which Chris couldn’t help but make a few puns at and say, “it’s nice, but you are the real masterpiece here.” Or something along those lines to make you laugh and shake your head at him. And then you two stumbled upon Champs Elysees and Arc de Triomphe before taking a twenty-minute train to Versailles before coming back for only a few Euros. 

Later that night, after dinner and catching a show at Moulin Rouge, you and Chris had a few drinks and roamed the streets hand-in-hand. It was just past ten at night, but in Paris, that was still early.

Tourist and natives were still lively as ever- roaming the streets, snapping photos, diving in and out of cafes, and stopping at food vendors for the finest French pastries. It was so foreign to everything you and Chris knew.

Paris was even more beautiful at night than it was during the day time. Lights of orange, yellow, and green were shimmering across buildings and reflecting off the cobblestone streets. A warm breeze carried through the narrow street and you could hear the clink of wine glasses from a nearby restaurant followed by chatter and laughter.

You smile and clutch Chris’ hand tighter before you two come upon the Seine River again. You two slowly cross the bridge, looking at the lights on the rippling water before continuing to the other side. There was a man with a guitar perched on a bench just next to the river, his guitar case open with a few Euros inside. The man was singing something in a foreign tongue, even though you couldn’t quite understand, he had a beautiful voice. You reached into the pocket of your peacoat and fished out a couple of coins, tossing them into his guitar case as you and Chris passed him. The man paused his singing for a moment and smiled at you. You nodded at him before carrying on.

You and Chris made fun of the other tourist, specifically those in American-flag shirts with selfie-sticks before carrying on down the street and stumbling upon a staple of Paris; Notre-Dame Cathedral. 

The cathedral looked as if it had stepped out of a Disney fairytale- the French Gothic architecture, archways and greenery. It was incredible.

“Wow,” you breathed out, once again feeling the breath shoot out of your lungs at the beauty. There was a few others lingering around the staple, but they were feet away around the edges, leaving you and Chris alone.

You admire the entrance- the hundreds of figures carved into layers in three archways just in front of you. 

You felt Chris squeeze your hand tighter, and you turned your attention to him. He was already looking at you, then nodded his head forward. “Come here,” he whispered before pulling you along.

The heel of your booties clicked against the stones as you two neared the front of the cathedral. Stopping right at the entrance, you tilted your head back and admired it up close. 

“It’s incredible.” You continued, unsure of why Chris brought you closer. 

“Not that.” Chris said, abrupting your thoughts. You looked back at him with a quirked brow. “Look down.” 

Your eyes left Chris’ face and you looked down, noticing that you were standing in the middle of a small stone circle. In the center, directly below your feet was a copper octagon with a star in the middle. There were words engraved in the stone; POINT ZÉRO DES ROUTES DE FRANCE. 

“It’s point zero.” Chris said, rubbing his thumb along the top of your hand as he stood outside of the circle. “It’s the point from all of the other roads in France.” You looked back up at him and looked at his wide smile. “It’s the beginning of everything.” 

You felt a shiver run up your arms as Chris stroked your hand. Years had passed but each day with him felt the like the first. A simple stroke of the thumb on your hand gave you chills, and when he smiled at you, butterflies filled your stomach. 

“You did your research.”

Chris shrugged, playing it off. “I learned that years ago in school.” He admitted. “I knew you would love it.” 

“I do.” You nodded subtly.

“Now,” Chris lightly dropped your hand and took a step back to distance himself from you. “You have to make a wish.”

“What?” 

Chris tucked his hands into the pocket of his jacket and smiled. “Feet in the middle, close your eyes, and make a wish.” 

You nodded, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear before positioning your feet in the center of the star. With one deep breath, you straightened your posture and closed your eyes.

A small gust of wind caught under your peacoat, and a shiver run up your spine, making you feel alive. 

As you stood there, on the center of the star, in the middle of Paris, you were unsure of what you could wish for. You wonder to what you want in life, but that was a loaded question. 

You wanted to grow; in your profession and as a person. You wanted to travel more, live freely, and be happy. You wanted to do other things- write a book, teach, own a company. You wanted to return to Paris as well, maybe even live there one day. All of those were dreams. 

All of those were loaded wishes too. 

There was one other thing; Chris. Him being there beside you gave you a sense of comfort that you didn’t have years ago. 

Fingers twitching at your sides, you knowingly reached out in the direction you knew Chris was last standing, holding a hand out to him. You heard his faint chuckle before his hand found yours again, and his fingers latched around yours, and a smile tugged on your lips at the assurance that he was there and at the sound of his laugh to your ears. 

You thought about Chris as you stood there with two feet on the star. He was everything that you had prayed for at one time in your life, and then more. He was your best friend, the love of your life. You loved him like you loved waking up in the morning, like you loved sunsets, like he loved football, and like you loved laughing. 

And suddenly, you knew that to wish for.

Taking another deep breath, you put the words together in your head;

I wish for a lifetime of laughter with the love of my life. 

You slowly open your eyes and look at Chris. He stood with his feet planted outside of the circle, an arm extended to meet yours, and he was smiling at you.

You step out of the circle and into Chris’ arms, letting him hug you as you place a kiss on his cheek. He is talking when you two start walking again, but you aren’t paying attention. Then he laughs at something and your heart flutters. 

The last day in Paris would be capped off with a bang, literally. It was the last day of December and the clock counted down to midnight with an eerie tick. Midnight would be there soon, and then within a split second everyone in Paris would be launched into the new year once and for all.

You and Chris spent most of the day in the suite- ordering room service while lounging in the white robes supplied by the hotel, and lounging around while preparing for the night. You two planned to stay out for most of the night, or for as long as you two could stand it, so you both decided to relax with the time remaining.

Soon, the time did come though.

Chris had booked a reservation for dinner just inside of Paris, near where you two would be ringing in the New Year later on. Following the dress code for the night, you two dressed in the fanciest and nicest outfits you brought. 

Chris was in a simple suit with a pressed black blazer and tie, and you were in a fitting, long-sleeved red dress. It had a plunging neckline that revealed almost too much to the eye, and a slit up the gown that revealed your shimmering heels. You had bought the dress nearly a year ago, but this was the first time it was getting put to use. 

Of course, as you two were dressed to a T, the mirror pictures and selfies ensued. There were the typical photos that you both took, and then there were a few “different” ones as well. Those “different” ones would never see the light of day as long as you two were concerned.

Right after all of the photos were taken, the night truly began. 

You two whisked away from the hotel in a cab, taking you two to the restaurant. It was a luxurious restaurant with the white table cloths, low chandeliers and thousand-euro centerpieces filled with roses, dim lighting with candles, and the finest dishes imaginable. You weren’t exactly sure how much the dinner would cost, especially with the two bottles of wine ordered throughout the night, but you weren’t exactly sure that you wanted to know.

Soon enough, as the clock ticked down to an hour and half before midnight, you and Chris left the restaurant and headed to the destination of the NYE celebrations- Palais de Challiot. It was a building across from the park, and across the river from the Eiffel Tower, but it had the most amazing view of the tower. As thousands packed into Trocadéro Gardens to get a view of the fireworks, you and Chris, along with a couple other hundred people, decided on Palais de Challiot instead. There were large steps that lead down into the gardens, perfect for photos or for sitting in cases like these.

With quite a large walk, you and Chris eventually made it to Palais de Challiot. There was quite a large group of people there, but it wasn’t overwhleming. Hand-in-hand, Chris guided you through the groups of people on the tile and to the edge where the steps dipped down, heading towards the gardens. Down a few steps, in to the middle, perfectly in line with the Eiffel Tower, you and Chris sat down on the steps.

Within a few minutes, as midnight was just now twenty minutes away, the crowd around you grew in size. The couple hundred turned into several hundred as other tourist squeezed their way onto the steps. However, it wasn’t nearly as crowded as the gardens below, where you could see people standing shoulder-to-shoulder for the perfect view.

“Are you ready for this?” Chris asked, turning away from the dazzling Eiffel Tower to you, on his right. 

You turned to him and smiled. “Of course.” You said, looping your arm through his as his elbow rested against his knee, and then you scooted closer to him. “I don’t think you know how excited I am.” You continued, leaning against him.

One holiday that you adored more than any other was New Years Eve. You loved Christmas since it brought everyone together, including your family, but New Years was special to you. It resembled a new life, and a way of starting over. It gave you a full year to change, to grow, and to start over. The thought of that was something you loved.

“Good,” Chris said leaning over to kiss your cheek. “I’m just happy that you are happy.” 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” You asked with a shrug, gazing out onto the crowd of thousands below your feet, and then back to Chris. “I am in the City of Light, celebrating my favorite holiday with my favorite person. I would take this over rainy Jersey any day.”

Chris chuckled. “So I’m guessing you don’t want to go back anytime soon?”

“Not if I’m honest.” You laughed. “But that’s where our lives are, you know. We can’t exactly leave that behind.” 

“One day though, love.” Chris said with a nod, smiling at you softly. 

The corners of your lips tugged into a smile, revealing your white teeth behind your ruby red lips. “One day.” You repeated before leaning over and kissing him gently.

As the conversation continued, the clock continued to tick. With each second, the new year was approaching faster and faster. 

In the middle of saying something, you two were quickly broken apart by the deafening sounds of yelling. Together, it sounded like millions of people collectively chanting at once. You and Chris quickly dropped the conversation and looked up at the tower.

The once dazzling tower of lights had then faded into something else- one side of the tower was lit in red, and the other half was blue, as a single light on top of the tower waved around wildly. 

The tension in the city began to grow as that was a sign the new year was just minutes away. Chris turned and fished his phone out of his pocket, looking at the time to see that it was only three minutes before midnight. 23:57. He looked at you and you two smiled as it really began to set in.

The Eiffel Tower became a light show- different effects with the country’s colors danced along the tower in rapid movements and transitions. 

As the new year was just moments away, you felt nervous. The past year had been so great to you. You were promoted at your job after years of working towards one along with several other personal victories, you and Chris moved into a bigger and better home than the one you two bought when you first moved into together, and adopted another dog. It seemed like everything was finally coming into play for you. 

But you knew that the upcoming year was also full of more possibilities and had more open doors than you could imagine. You didn’t know what was waiting for you in the new year, but whatever it was, you were ready for it. 

You leaned into Chris, and then the countdown began.

“Cinq!” Five.

“Quatre!” Four.

“Trois!” Three. The large group of natives and tourist shouted around you.

You turned your head and looked at Chris, both of you smiling wide. Your arms untangled and he reached over, gently placing a hand on your back to pull you closer, and you leaned in, guiding a hand across his cheek. You two stared heavily at each other, feeling his breath fan against your neck.

“Deux!” Two.

With a wide smile, you tilted your head and let your lips ghost over Chris’. He chuckled at your teasing move.

“Un!” One.

Your hand slipped to the back of Chris’ head, and you pressed your lips against his in a hungry fashion. His lips tasted faintly like red wine and chocolate from the papillottes, and you were sure yours did the same. 

Either of you could contain your smiles. It was like the first New Years kiss you two had shared years ago when Chris was so eager that he kissed you at the fifteen second mark during the countdown. 

The Eiffel Tower turned white and dazzled in the lights as people began to yell and chant, and the fireworks next to the tower popped in the sky in ranges of colors and designs.

Your lips moved in sync with Chris’, taking in the moment you two were in. Around you both, couples and complete strangers were ringing in the new year and celebrating by either kissing each other, or kissing the rim of their drinks.

You could see the colors explode and dance across your eyelids as you held Chris close. It was a heated moment, more than you two expected, both clinging on to each other like it’s your last breath. The kiss was so full of love and passion it was almost unbearable. It was the kind of kiss that inspired the stars to climb into the sky and light up the world. The kind of kiss that took forever, yet no time at all.

Both of you laughed, sharing one more subtle kiss because you could. You turned away for a second, letting Chris rest his forehead against your temple as you admired the view. The Eiffel Tower was dancing in light, and fireworks were exploding in the sky in arrays of different colors.

“Bonne Année!” Happy New Year, everyone was shouting in every direction. In the mix of languages, many rang your ears; "Feliz Año Nuevo!" and "Feliç any nou!" with "Buon anno!" echoing in the background. It was an intense moment filled with a rush of happiness and joy for everyone around.

Watching the fireworks, hearing them explode and pop against your ears, you smiled and basked in the moment of pure bliss.

Chris leaned his head back and looked at you. He watched as the colors of the tower and fireworks danced across your soft features, and the way your eyes stared up at the sky like fairy lights. He looked and looked at you, like you were the only person in Paris with him at that moment. Right there he knew that he loved you more than anything he had ever imagined in the world.

You were achingly beautiful and that was something Chris thought from the moment he met you. Years had passed and he thought the same, and years from now, he would still think that.

You were sitting on the steps in Paris with your dress crumpled at your knees, and your faded lipstick, but you were as vibrant as every star in the night sky.

He loved you when you first met- a plain tee and frizzy hair with smeared makeup. He loved you months later in the mornings with sleepy eyes and wrinkled pajamas. He loved you now when he came home in the evenings to find you asleep on the sofa, cuddled with the dog.

And then there was the future. Chris didn’t know exactly what the future held for you two, but he was sure he would love you just as much then too.

Chris watched you turn to him, still with the same smile. He felt his heart race, and that was the moment Chris knew what he wanted a sliver of his future to hold. He wanted to be the last person to ever hold you, tell you that he loves you. You were it. This was it for him.

Without the thinking, the words spilled out of his mouth; “I want to marry you.”

Hearing those words ring your ears, you looked at Chris in a moment of confusion. Your brow knitted together, and then you realized that you heard him correctly.

You studied him for a moment, soft eyes and parted lips. His posture was off- shoulders leaning into towards you, and he wasn’t paying attention to the firework display, but instead focused on you like he had never looked away. After realizing you heard him correctly, your heart beat quickened and your heart pounded against your chest. The moment was overwhelming.

He wanted to marry you.

He wanted to marry you.

He didn't want anyone else in the world. He chose you.

It had ran through your mind a million times, you wondered if the time would ever come, and it finally did. And you knew exactly what to say.

You couldn’t form any other words than what slipped past your lips next; “I want to marry you too.”

There was no thinking, no pondering, it was the truth spilling from your lips.

Chris felt weight lift off his shoulders and he smiled. All of your emotions running high, you weren’t able to process a sentence or anything, so all you did was kiss him. You reached out, holding onto his face as you brought your lips to his and he chuckled before looping both arms around your torso and pulling you onto him. Neither of you cared if anyone was watching on, this was your moment.

“Chris?” You whispered against his lips before kissing him again. He hummed a repsonse back, nose nudged against yours and you laughed, leaning your forehead against his. “I fucking love you.”

He grinned. “Good, because I fucking love you too.”

[seraphimfood]

drawing loop everyday until my loop plush arrives day 4

[seraphimfood]

drawing loop everyday until my loop plush arrives day 3

this only took 5 minutes longer than day 2 i was fucking POSSESSED. anyways yay siffrins here. im sure they’re fine.

[seraphimfood]

drawing loop everyday until my loop plush arrives day 1

[seraphimfood]

drawing loop everyday until my loop plush arrives day 5

loop gets to experience rain!! yippie!!! non movie version under cut

[seraphimfood]

DRAWING SIFFRIN EVERY DAY UNTIL MY SIFFRIN PLUSH ARRIVES: DAY ONE!!!!!!

[geewithluv]

◁ Thursday in April▷

Ｐａｉｒｉｎｇ：Jung Hoseok X Fem!Reader

Ｇｅｎｒｅ：angst with a happy ending

Ｗａｒｎｉｎｇｓ：miscarriage and sadness associated with it.

Ｒａｔｉｎｇ：PG-13

Ｗｏｒｄ Ｃｏｕｎｔ：2.1k

ｍａｓｔｅｒｌｉｓｔ

It was just past one in the morning on a Thursday in April when the sunny persona Hoseok had been known for vanished. It was so far gone that anyone who had never met Hoseok would’ve thought he was always so cold. He had spent so long reading every pregnancy and parenting book he could get and keeping in mind the fact that after the first 12 weeks, the risk of miscarriage goes down significantly. So why at 16 weeks was he no longer a dad-to-be? 

 Why had life decided to be so cruel to him after being so giving? Maybe it was some form of balance. If he was allowed to live a dream life touring the world with his 6 best friends -- his found family -- and making people everywhere so happy then he couldn’t also have a happy family of his own. He would trade everything BTS gave him if it meant he didn’t have to sit in a hospital room watching his wife get an ultrasound and the room fill with silence. Fill with the absence of a heartbeat.

 He watched, in shock, as a doctor tried to tell them that these things just happen sometimes. That there wasn’t a real reason so they couldn’t blame themselves. Y/N cried so hard she ended up hyperventilating before nurses gave her some medications to calm down and eventually fall asleep. That was the first of many nights that Hoseok spent awake just thinking.

 They go home in the morning. Hoseok turned his phone on for the first time since reaching the hospital to a flood of notifications. Maybe sending a simple ‘she miscarried’ to the group chat and turning his phone off wasn’t a good idea, he thinks. Y/N didn’t turn her phone on. Her lock screen was from a maternity shoot they did, and it made her emotional on days when her hormones were acting up so there’s no telling how she’d react now. Knowing the date on the picture was just a random day and no longer a countdown to the most exciting moment of their lives.

 Hoseok ignores all the messages, missed phone calls, and voicemails as he opens the group chat again. ‘We’re home’ is all he sends. He mutes all notifications and decides how to tell his parents. Y/N already told her own parents, she called from Hoseok’s phone and they were going to come over ASAP, the insisted despite her kind heart not wanting to worry them with the travel. Hoseok toyed with the idea of just pretending everything was fine and not telling his parents. He knew a vague text to his mother wouldn’t be the right choice. He had to call.

 Pacing around the living room, Hoseok tries to steady his breathing. Y/N sleeping in their bedroom, far enough away that she can’t hear him walking back and forth. Under normal circumstances, she’d scold him for ‘wearing down the wood flooring’. They were told she’d be very tired as her body recovered. He’s slightly comforted by that. She isn’t crying or in pain when she’s sleeping. 

 He calls his mother like ripping a band-aid. It’s ringing before he knows he’s even done it.

 Her voice comes through so excited and all the work he had done to calm down is worthless in a moment as he recognizes she’s expecting some good news.

 “Eomma…” His voice quivers. She knew right then something was truly wrong. “Y/N miscarried.” The words he hadn’t said aloud yet. He swears he feels his heart shatter. He doesn’t really hear what his mother says to him. Something with the purpose of being comforting, laced with her own sorrow. 

 “Do you want us to come over?” She asks.

 “No.” Yes. She knows what he means.

 “I’ll arrange a trip now.”

 He resists the urge to throw his phone after hanging up. Anger is part of grief, he remembers. He didn’t want to remember. But he did. Walking to his bedroom, he regrets the decision to make the nursery the room before the master bedroom and not the room after it. He stands, gazing at the closed door for a good 5 minutes as if held more than unused furniture now tainted with happy memories of a child that will never use it.  

 “Hoseok…” Her voice breaks his trance as she stands in the doorway of their bedroom. Her eyes are puffy, her cheeks are a blotchy red color, her hair is falling out of the lopsided bun she put it in the night before. He clears his throat before speaking.

 “Do you need more Tylenol? The doctor said warm showers can help the pain.” He tries to remember everything he was told. Y/N shakes her head, a sad smile on her face as she sniffles. She could see how hard he was breaking, and she could see how hard he was trying to pretend he wasn’t. It only broke her heart more.

 “Come hold me.” Her voice is soft. “Please.” Hoseok closes his eyes for a moment, trying not to cry, trying to be strong. He nods and shuffles over to her, prompting her back into the bedroom.

 “Do you want --”

 “I just want my husband to hold me.” She cuts him off as she gets into bed. Hoseok lays down beside her and pulls her into his side.

 “My parents are coming over and yours said they’d call when they land.” He speaks softly, afraid that if he speaks any louder, he’ll scare the tears into dropping down his cheeks. 

 “I don’t wanna talk about it.” It. It. It. The miscarriage. The ‘it’. 

 He mutters an apology.

 The visits from their parents come and go quickly. Y/N stayed in bed most of the time, leaving Hoseok to try and be somewhat of a host. No one expected him to be though. Their family mainly cleaned up, cooked some food, took care of whatever needed to be done. Including box up some baby-related items hanging around. They made sure to do that while the couple was not around. As moving a plush toy had sent Hoseok into a fit that ended with him crying into his mother’s shoulder. 

 They had a couple of dinners together, only a couple though. Both were just to force Y/N to socialize. Telling her that isolating will only hurt her further. Hoseok’s father took to constantly reminding him that he needed to be strong for Y/N. That her mind and her body were both unwell at the moment. Only a passing comment of acknowledgment for Hoseok’s own mental state during this time. ‘Please take care of yourself too.’ He reassures his father that he’s fine. But his father never saw him smile in the week he was there. Not even a fake smile to reassure his parents, the ones they always saw through but pretended not to. His lips never moved more than the few words he spoke required. Y/N’s parents stay a couple of days longer than Hoseok’s but soon the couple are alone. 

 The other members checkup frequently. Mostly showing up to the door since neither was very good at answering texts or calls. Bang PD even comes by a few times over the next couple of weeks. TXT even makes a couple of rounds. But quickly, it’s been a full month since that Thursday in April. 

 Hoseok had only had 4 full nights of sleep in the past month. All were because of medication which he decided he didn’t like. He said he hated how he felt when he woke up. When asked how it made him feel he withheld giving an extended answer. Refreshed. That’s how it felt to wake up after 8 hours of sleep. And he hated it. How could he feel refreshed when he just lost a child. When his wife began therapy. When his band was put on a break. How could he let himself feel refreshed? So, he didn’t take the meds. Said they were for tour anyway, when the jetlag was really bad. No one pushed further.

 30 whole days later, Y/N was smiling. No one really knew if it was genuine. It reminded Hoseok of when they announced their relationship and through all the hate and death threats, she still smiled saying it didn’t outweigh their love. Everyone believed her until she broke down at the BigHit building when a specific death threat was too concerning to let her walk around without security.

 Hoseok didn’t believe these smiles. Not for a second. He couldn’t believe she was truly enjoying the warm May sun on her face and the sound of birds singing outside their home. He couldn’t -- wouldn’t -- believe it.

 Namjoon takes her to therapy. He hangs around the area to pick her up when it’s over. She was scared to drive herself and Hoseok wouldn’t go. Thus, Namjoon decided to take her to and from her appointments twice a week and come in to check on Hoseok after.

 Hoseok didn’t appreciate it. He’d much rather everyone leave him alone. Including his wife whose smiles only infuriated him.

 One and a half months after that Thursday in April, all the boys come over with food. Hoseok is in the home studio. He says he’s working on music, but Y/N has passed by a few times and only heard the sound of their baby’s heartbeat on loop. They hadn’t all come over as a group in a while. Usually individually or a couple at a time. They decided all 6 at once could be overwhelming. Y/N tries to assure them that Hoseok is still grieving, but he’ll be okay, and he’ll be back to himself soon. She says this partially for her own benefit. She’s not sure if she believes it and the guys are unsure as they see her eyes tear up before she’s even finished talking. She thanks them for coming over, making sure to go over some cooking instructions with Seokjin before they leave.

 Shortly after the door closes, Hoseok comes into the kitchen. She doesn’t know if he just had good timing or if he had been lingering. She gives him a quick smile.

 “The guys came over.” She tells him, but she knows he’s aware. The doorbell is very loud, and so are 6 men walking into your home. He mutters a response. “They miss you.” She sticks a dish in the fridge and starts unwrapping the warm one Seokjin made for that day. His willingness to cook is a blessing, Y/N thought every time he made sure their fridge was full.

 “That’s nice.” The most common phrase over the past 6 weeks.

 “I miss you.” Y/N looks up, meeting his eyes. He tilts his head slightly in confusion. It’s the most emotion she’s seen from him since that Thursday in April.

 “I’ve been here.” His voice is monotone. She shakes her head, pressing her lips together in a thin line, taking a deep breath as tears already build up in her eyes.

 “I miss...my husband. I miss the sunshine personified. I miss the man I fell in love with. I miss Hoseok. I want Jung Hoseok. Not this shell of a human that sits at the foot of our bed all night long.” She sobs with a bitter laugh as she thinks about how crazy she must sound. “I’m in pain, so much pain. And I know you are too. I can see it in your eyes how hard this is. But we can’t keep doing this.”

 “I’m sorry.” Tears fall from his eyes. Y/N isn’t sure she’s actually seen him cry since that Thursday in April. She tells him not to be sorry. Mouthing words as she can’t get her vocal cords to make. He takes her hands. “I’m sorry I haven’t been the supportive husband I promised I’d be. You wanted a family so bad. We wanted a family so bad. And...I couldn’t give that to you. I failed.”

 “All I ever wanted...is right here in front of me.” She cups his face in her hands, making sure he sees the sincerity in her eyes. “You didn’t fail. Don’t ever think you’ve failed.”

 “How do we fix this?” He questions. “Tell me we can fix this…” He begs her.

 “I have an appointment tomorrow. We can start there.” She suggests, he nods. “I love you.” Hoseok kisses her lips for the first time in a month and a half.

FIN. Here’s to hoping this shows in the tags cause it’s so demotivating when my work doesn’t show. Anyway, I hope you liked this!